Episode 1000754886977

0:58 Voiceover Sexually-oriented content, content, content. Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, coast to coast.

1:13 Adam Hey, this is Loveline.

1:14 Voiceover I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191-FAX-310-854-4455.

1:22 Adam Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist.

1:29 Drew You want to thank her now or?

1:31 Adam Yes. I'd like to thank Karen O'Hara. Karen O'Hara. Karen sent us a little care package filled with everything good, nuts and stuff covered with chocolate and popcorn and all. It all is mothless. It all has a sticker with a thing that says Maws on it and the universal slash for no in front of it because as you know, last week, Dr. Drew ingested a family of Maws who now have a lawsuit against Drew, by the way.

2:04 Drew And then I passed them.

2:06 Adam We, they settled out of court. Oh, I see you passed them and they're okay. We did you crap, Maws?

2:12 Drew Yeah.

2:13 Adam We, you mean like we broke wind and they just sort of... Wings. It's... It flew away?

2:19 Drew No, just parts.

2:20 Adam We, you know, we don't call it Westwood Two over here for nothing or as Drew likes to call it Westwood None. They have a vending machine that they pulled off. I think they salvaged from a World War Two sub. Yeah, and it's got crap in it that is actually moth ridden junk.

2:39 Drew Yes.

2:39 Adam Yes. I'm not no hyperbole here. Drew ate a sack of trail mix. Well, it's actually a sack of moths with some trail mix mixed into it. And you should have read it said now with more moths.

2:51 Drew I was picking bug legs out of my teeth. How bizarre is that?

2:56 Adam The greatest thing is to watch Drew actually hawk one right in the studio after realizing that there's something funny about ingesting vermin, ingesting insects, which I've done many times.

3:08 Drew You guys may ever clear here one thing. They're very sympathetic.

3:10 Adam Yeah, I've done it a few times. I've eaten cereal that's been filled with bugs and stuff. Here's how it works whenever you do it. You never did that growing up.

3:19 Drew I remember seeing them floating and stopping eating. Then I never convinced myself I actually ate them.

3:24 Adam Well, here's how it usually works. You never notice them before you begin eating. And you never don't notice them at all. Or maybe you do. But the point is, is you notice them halfway in. Or in Drew's case, three quarters of the way into the trail mix, you notice the moth and the larva and what not in there. He really got nauseated. It was really, it was amusing. I'd been eating it too, but it didn't bother me. You realize I grew up on a kibbutz in North Hollywood where we ate weeds.

3:54 Drew You pushed bugs back into your style. You were still protein restricted.

3:58 Adam I was looking for protein. Yeah. I grew up like Jeremiah Johnson.

4:01 Drew Anyways, let me see her little slippers. From HBO, Karen O'Hara, right?

4:05 Adam Right.

4:05 Drew Let's thank her.

4:05 Adam Where is she from?

4:06 Drew HBO, those three big letters up there.

4:09 Adam Yeah, there you go. HBO. What's it say?

4:12 Drew Many thanks for all the great hours of radio, particularly last Wednesday's show with Everclear.

4:16 Adam There you go.

4:16 Drew No moths.

4:17 Adam Thank you very much, Karen.

4:19 Adam Tony?

4:19 Yeah?

4:20 Adam All right, Drew, no, you can't eat into the mic though. Tony?

4:23 Yeah?

4:24 What's up?

4:26 Adam You're 15.

4:27 Caller I am.

4:28 Adam All right, Drew, we gotta hide the snacks.

4:29 Adam Is this going to be too much for me? What's up?

4:33 Caller My question was, why is sex pretty much a purely visual thing for guys and an emotional act for women?

4:40 Drew Well, it's not purely. Is this something at your ripe old age you've observed?

4:44 Caller What?

4:44 Drew Is this something you've observed at your ripe old age?

4:46 Caller Yeah, well, most of the guys that I hang around with, it's pretty much a visual thing.

4:51 Drew Certainly, guys are preoccupied that way, aren't they?

4:53 Caller Yeah.

4:53 Drew And women, they can have some of that, but not so much.

4:57 Adam They have more than Drew cares to admit.

5:02 Drew It's like they can shut it on and off. Guys can't.

5:04 Adam Right.

5:05 Drew You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's always one way with the guy. And guys can have an emotional experience, but under the age of 28, it's sort of haphazard whether or not that's going to happen.

5:14 Adam Well, let's distill everything down to nature, because there's usually a cause for just about everything.

5:19 Drew Absolutely.

5:21 Adam Wouldn't you say it's man's cause to sort of spread his seed and women's cause to sort of settle, nestle, and raise kids?

5:30 Drew Yeah, yeah.

5:31 Adam And wouldn't you say those two emotions sort of help aid those two different causes?

5:35 Drew Yeah, yeah.

5:36 Adam And that's it.

5:37 Adam But Drew, what about it? I know you're very domesticated. Your wife, Susan, keeps your nuts in a mason jar.

5:44 Drew That's what has to be done.

5:45 Adam You don't know where.

5:46 Drew That's part of domesticating the male human.

5:49 Adam Right.

5:50 Drew Duh.

5:50 Adam I know. But what I'm saying is, is are we going against something? Do you know what I mean?

5:56 Drew It's interesting. I was at a college.

5:57 Adam This is an age old argument.

5:59 Drew No, no. When I was in Kentucky or somewhere, some anthropologist came up to me and went, you know, I agree with you how different men and women are because I want to know something. Do you think that our mental health is going to suffer by insisting on monogamy, that male mental health will suffer?

6:12 Adam I think...

6:13 Drew That's an interesting question.

6:14 Adam Well, I mean, I think if you take, I don't know, if you take a bird dog and you don't let him jump in the lake, what happens to the bird dog?

6:21 Drew He's fine.

6:22 Adam But eventually, doesn't he just become a gay bird dog?

6:26 Drew Does he lose the capacity to... Yeah, but what would be so bad about us losing that instinct?

6:31 Adam I don't know, but it's there for a reason. Do you know what I'm saying?

6:35 Drew A lot of stuff that makes us different and is there for a reason are there for reasons that have long since passed their purpose and their usability, their importance to the species.

6:45 Adam Yeah, like some animal has wandered into the village and we have to kill it with a brick.

6:52 Adam Right.

6:52 Adam A rock, as it were.

6:54 Adam All right. Julia.

6:57 Hi, I called about a week ago about eating disorders when Everclear was on.

7:03 Adam Yeah, the moth eating show.

7:05 Drew We're revisiting that show regularly tonight.

7:07 Yeah.

7:08 Yeah, I had a couple more questions. After you, by the way, I did stop. I haven't touched laxative since last time I called.

7:16 Drew Your leg's swelling up?

7:17 Yeah, bloating a lot, eating and stuff.

7:20 But I only eat about once a day and a little bit.

7:23 I'm slowly getting back into it. How should you eat, though, after you stop?

7:28 Adam How should you eat what?

7:29 How should you eat after you stop?

7:32 Drew It depends what's happening. Are you getting real constipated?

7:34 Yeah.

7:35 Drew Just make sure you have lots of bulk in your diet.

7:38 Adam Yeah, what's bulk?

7:39 Drew Like bran, Metamucil, a fair amount of roughage might help, too.

7:44 Adam And also, what's roughage? That's celery.

7:47 Drew Sorry, yeah.

7:48 Adam What's the roughage of the roughage?

7:50 Drew Celery.

7:51 Adam Celery?

7:51 Caller Celulose, yeah.

7:52 Adam What else? Number two, stuff like avocados, not roughage, too smooth, slide right out your ass.

7:59 Drew Yeah. You need to eat like avocado skin. You need to eat non-digestible stuff like cellulose.

8:03 Adam Is it is what it looks like what it is?

8:06 Drew Yeah.

8:07 Adam You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You take like, like I said, an avocado, don't look like it's going to scrape too much out of your ass.

8:13 Drew Right.

8:14 Adam You take a look at a piece of celery. It looks like someone just put a bottle brush up.

8:18 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

8:19 Right. Okay.

8:20 Drew Well, we're not telling her.

8:21 Yeah. Yeah.

8:25 Also, I'm sure you're at risk for colon cancer, right?

8:29 Drew No. No. Not any more than you would otherwise be.

8:32 Okay.

8:33 Did you say that morning after pill helps prevent that?

8:36 Drew No.

8:37 No.

8:37 Drew I said birth control pills have been so known to, or a thought now to decrease risk of ovarian cancer and uterine cancer.

8:43 Okay. And I shouldn't eat junk food, right?

8:46 Drew Right. It was just some standpoint of your eating disorder. You've got to just get a more balanced diet going. Regular meals. You've got to see, I suggest you see a dietician.

8:53 You have like a number. I could call and get like.

8:56 Adam Hey, Julia.

8:57 Yeah.

8:57 Adam You're 17, right?

8:58 Caller Yeah.

8:59 Adam You're in high school.

9:00 Caller Uh-huh.

9:01 Adam You're of average intelligence.

9:03 Caller Yeah. All right.

9:04 Adam You know the food that's bad for you and the food that's good for you.

9:06 Caller Yeah.

9:07 Adam Eat the food that's good for you and then eat the food that's bad for you once in a while.

9:11 Drew She may need some supervision, though. Dietitian.

9:14 Adam Jog around a little bit.

9:15 Drew Where do you live?

9:16 Caller Um, Newport Beach.

9:17 Drew Newport Beach. Newport Beach.

9:18 Adam What do you need a dietician for?

9:21 Drew She needs a helping hand. She needs somebody structuring this for her. She'll start getting off. It's like it's like an addict or alcoholic. They need support.

9:30 Adam You can't figure this out or you don't think you could stay with it.

9:32 Drew They won't stay with it.

9:33 Caller It's hard.

9:33 Adam What do those laxatives do? Are you constantly crapping with those laxatives?

9:37 Caller Yeah, but they're not working too great anymore.

9:39 Adam I see. They just lose their effectiveness.

9:41 Caller Yeah.

9:42 Adam Drew, I have a virgin laxative belly. If I took a handful of them, what would happen?

9:47 Drew You'd have diarrhea.

9:48 Adam I'd be on the pod immediately?

9:49 Drew Not immediately, but soon after.

9:51 Adam Really?

9:51 Drew An hour or so. You'd be spending a little time there.

9:54 Adam Nice. A couple hours.

9:55 Drew It depends what you're trying to use. I mean, duke laxatives, that increase the motility, so they'll start moving you right now.

9:59 Adam Nice.

10:00 Drew The other stuff sort of washes down from above.

10:03 Adam And the food that you eat is not going to be absorbed? Is that the plan?

10:07 Drew No. That's really not what happens, in fact.

10:09 Adam All right.

10:10 Drew What happens is they get chronic dehydration, they get their bodies stressed.

10:14 Adam So you lose weight because you lose water weight.

10:16 Drew And you're stressed. Your body's so stressed by that.

10:18 Adam Why does that make you lose weight, being stressed?

10:19 Drew It increases your metabolic needs, your metabolic demand.

10:21 Adam You mean metabolism speeds up because you're stressed out?

10:24 Drew Your needs for repair are greater.

10:28 Adam Are you burning more calories?

10:29 Drew It's pretty sick, yeah.

10:30 Adam Hey, Julian? Just get a hold of a dietician. Go to OA or something.

10:35 Drew Go to OA, call Hoag. Yeah, call Hoag and ask for an eating disorder. Anybody who does an eating disorder or a dietician.

10:41 Adam Hoag.

10:42 Adam Hoag sounds like some fat guy who owns a rib joint.

10:44 Drew It's Hoag Memorial Hospital in Newport Beach.

10:47 Adam Hoag. Not a good name.

10:48 Adam Too close to Hog.

10:50 Drew No, I think you're thinking too close to Hoagie.

10:52 Adam And too close. Somewhere between Hoagie and Hoag is Hoag. That's an eating disorder hospital?

10:56 Drew No, it's a regular hospital.

10:58 Adam Oh, okay. But as for Dr. Sloppy Joe, while you're down there, yeah, Hoag's a horrible name for a hospital.

11:06 Drew Well, we'll be sure to hear from them soon.

11:08 Adam Is that some kind of an acronym?

11:09 Drew It's a beautiful hospital.

11:10 Adam But is Hoag like hospital?

11:12 Drew It's somebody's name. It's somebody's name.

11:14 Adam Bad name.

11:15 Adam Bad name for a hospital. Saint something is a good name, you know?

11:19 Drew Saint whatever.

11:20 Adam Saint whatever.

11:21 Adam Yeah.

11:22 Adam Try to stay away from, and like I said, worst name ever, the Kaiser with the Permanente. To me, I picture, first off, Kaiser, I picture a guy with a...

11:30 Drew Kaiser Wilhelm.

11:30 Adam I picture a guy with a monocle and like a pointed steel helmet walking up and down the halls in like a high knee-high leather boots with maybe a riding crop under his arm. He's smacking it on the edge of the bed. And Permanente to me means you ain't going nowhere. I don't care if you're getting your tonsils out, you may never leave. Right. Bad name. There should be a, I'm going to work on that one with those guys. The Kaiser and the Permanente, both bad. Ivan or Ian?

11:58 Hey Adam.

11:59 Adam You're 14, what's up?

12:00 Caller Yeah, I am. First of all, I just want to say that you are God.

12:04 Thanks.

12:04 Caller And Drew?

12:05 Drew Yeah?

12:06 Caller Just quit the show and make it the Adam Show.

12:08 Yeah.

12:08 Drew Oh, thanks Ian.

12:09 Adam That's right buddy. More Adam. No calls, no Drew, no commercials. Just Adam yapping from his basement.

12:16 Caller All right. Oh, and you should fire an asshole because he's a dick to me. He was a dick. He cut me off twice. And then I suddenly got an an on here. But God.

12:24 Adam Who who who did that to you? Anderson Anderson was rude to you.

12:30 Drew He's been rude now.

12:32 Adam He's gone. Yeah, he's gone.

12:34 Caller Good.

12:34 Adam Anyone else you want me to fire?

12:36 Caller OK, well, besides Drew, now that'll be it.

12:40 Adam Just Drew and Anderson. Hmm.

12:42 Caller That's it for now. All right.

12:44 Adam Well, think about it and call back tomorrow night.

12:46 Drew This guy is an asshole.

12:47 Adam Want anyone else to be axed?

12:48 Caller Screw you, Drew. OK, Adam, or Drew, I guess. What is the average?

12:55 Drew Wait a minute. I'm unneeded here. I'm not necessary.

12:57 Caller Yeah.

12:58 Drew We're going to ask your god.

12:59 Caller Now you're necessary.

13:00 Drew No, no, no, no. Ask your god, your deity, his holiness, and address him as such.

13:05 Caller OK. OK.

13:06 Caller Hi, Emperor Adam.

13:08 Caller No, no.

13:09 Drew Excuse me.

13:09 Adam That's fine.

13:09 Drew I beg your pardon.

13:10 Adam Emperor Adam's fine. That'll do in a minute.

13:12 Drew I thought it was his royal highness.

13:14 Caller Whatever. OK, Emperor Adam, what is the average penis size for somebody of my age?

13:20 Adam Fourteen. Yep. Flaccid or erect?

13:24 Caller Erect.

13:24 Adam Erect?

13:25 Caller Yep.

13:26 Adam I actually have the data here right in front of me. It's kind of coincidentally I was looking at it. Let me go down the chart. Well, it doesn't do individual age. It does like 12 and 13 and then it does 14 and 15, you know, 16 and 17. It groups them into groups of two, years of two. So you'd be in the 14-15 chart.

13:49 Caller Is there 13-14 or just?

13:50 Adam No, no, there's just 12-13 and then 13-14 male.

13:54 Caller Yeah.

13:54 Adam Yeah.

13:55 Drew No, the female penis.

13:56 Adam White?

13:57 Drew No, female penis.

13:58 Adam White. Drew, would you shut up? Obviously, I know I'm screwing around.

14:02 Caller I'm addressing my god here, not you.

14:04 Adam Yes, thank you. White male? Yep. White? Okay. 14-15, let me just go down and over to the side. Eight and a quarter.

14:16 Caller All right, seriously this time though.

14:18 Adam Eight and a quarter is what it says, but keep in mind, you're 14, so you have a whole other year in this category. So you'll probably be up to eight and a quarter by the time you're 15. Are you not there yet?

14:31 Caller No, I'm not there yet.

14:33 Adam What are you, a seven and a half, seven and three quarters, something like that?

14:36 Caller Five and a half.

14:39 Adam Oh, no, that's going to be tough to overcome. I thought, you know, Drew, back me up, he could add a quarter inch, 3 16s, 5 16s, something like that, maybe a little under 3 8s in a year's time at 14 years old, but making up what, three, three and a half inches. That's not going to happen. Oh, maybe he meant flaccid. He could have meant flaccid. Hold on a second. Where is he? Ian?

15:10 Caller Yeah.

15:10 Adam Did you mean flaccid, your five and a half flaccid?

15:14 Adam No. No.

15:16 Caller Yeah.

15:16 Adam Oh, okay, brother. Yeah. Yikes. Yeah. It's going to be tough. Okay. Well, it's okay. There's still a lot of things you can do with a small penis. I mean, Drew, back me up, you're going to have a healthy, normal life. Can you not? Well, I mean, you can get along. There's people in wheelchairs who have jobs, who get along, who get a paycheck.

15:39 Drew We might as well drop this, this facade. We try to make people feel better about this, but let's face it, you don't think it's going to work? No.

15:46 Adam But aren't there women who love a guy like that?

15:49 Drew We always tell them that, but there's no way.

15:50 Adam You don't think so? You don't think there's someone, maybe some- What about some chick with a deformity? Her vagina was burnt afire or something? Wouldn't there be someone with one breast perhaps, or two noses? You think there might be someone for him? Mm-hmm. Someone out there?

16:06 Drew Yeah, the circus.

16:07 Adam Someone who stepped, some Vietnamese refugee stepped on a landmine or something like that?

16:12 Drew Torso-less, yeah.

16:14 Adam Okay, okay. So it's okay, and you'll be fine.

16:17 Drew Now, let's give some real- Wait, wait, wait, before we end the fantasy answers, just give a basic average.

16:22 Adam You're fine, you're fine.

16:23 Drew Five and a half zappers.

16:24 Adam Oh, why are you ruining it? Why do you do it? The guy abused you.

16:29 Drew For everyone else, not for him. Oh, all right.

16:31 Adam Christina?

16:32 Caller Hi.

16:32 Adam What's up?

16:33 Caller I just got my tongue pierced, okay? Probably been about three days. And when I got it done, I asked the woman, you know, what, what, some things I can expect, that I can expect. And she said that most people, you know, just get the swelling. And she said in very rare cases, people get lymph node discomfort.

16:51 Caller And I'm having lymph node discomfort.

16:52 And I'm wondering if there's something wrong.

16:54 Caller Is there an infection? Should I take it out like now?

16:57 Or what's going on?

16:58 Drew Are you doing the usual care?

17:00 Caller Yeah, I gargle all the time.

17:01 Caller I brush like five million times a day.

17:03 Caller I got the freshest breath in town.

17:05 Drew I can't understand why they would say it would be rare for there to be lymph node involvement. I can't see how there wouldn't always be a lymph node. Why not?

17:13 Adam Why?

17:13 Drew Because you've got a large organ there trying to heal. And the immune system, the processing of the potential infection entering through that now new hole, is all processed through the lymph nodes in the neck. And they swell up in reaction to that.

17:30 Adam I see. Do you have lymph nodes other places? That's a close set of lymph nodes to the piercing. Hey, Christina?

17:36 Drew Yes?

17:37 Adam Why did you do it?

17:41 Drew I don't know.

17:42 Caller I think it's sexy.

17:43 Adam I see. And?

17:44 Caller You know what else I think is sexy, Adam?

17:46 Caller Hmm. You.

17:47 Adam Yeah, baby.

17:48 Caller I swear to God, I love you.

17:50 Adam Why?

17:51 Caller Because I don't know. You're just so funny.

17:54 Adam Thank you. Thank you very much. Where are you calling from?

17:57 Caller Baltimore.

17:59 Adam I see. What do you do over there?

18:00 Caller I sell cars.

18:01 Adam Really? Yes, I do. What kind of cars?

18:04 Caller Hyundai's.

18:05 Adam Hyundai's? Yes.

18:06 Caller You want to buy one?

18:09 Adam Did it cost money? I thought they gave away Hyundai's. No. Is that a freebie over there?

18:14 Caller Excuse me?

18:15 Adam What is your biggest selling Hyundai?

18:18 Caller Right now, it's a Santa Fe.

18:20 Adam The Santa Fe? That's a car that comes with the cheese melted on it. It's delicious and a beautiful ranchero sauce in the glove box.

18:28 That's not not Adam.

18:30 Adam That is the bottom of the car barrel.

18:32 Caller You think so?

18:33 Adam I would rather sell Ziffy boards than Hondas.

18:38 Caller No.

18:39 Adam That is embarrassing. What kind of trash ball is going there for Hondas?

18:44 Caller Drax. Yeah.

18:45 Adam People.

18:46 Caller Bad credit.

18:47 A lot of bad credit.

18:48 Caller Yeah.

18:48 Drew What do you call them?

18:49 Adam Drax? Drax. Drax of society. I think she means Drax. You know what I like? I like the car dealerships that tell you they care of their own papers.

18:59 Bad credit.

19:00 Adam No credit. Been shot at by creditors.

19:06 Adam We care of our own papers.

19:08 Adam Know what we care of our own papers means? It means about 30% on the interest rate.

19:14 Adam Oh.

19:15 Adam I got to ask her more about these Hyundai's. Christina?

19:18 Adam Yeah. All right.

19:19 Adam Now, your biggest seller is the Hyundai what? Soufflé?

19:23 Caller The Santa Fe.

19:24 Adam Santa Fe. And how many horsepower does that Santa Fe have?

19:29 Caller Do you want a six cylinder or a four cylinder?

19:31 Adam Four cylinder. Let's start with the four.

19:32 Caller It's about 140 horsepower.

19:34 Adam About?

19:36 Adam And what about the six?

19:38 Caller It's about 160, 170.

19:41 Adam Uh-huh. You don't know which one, though?

19:42 Caller I haven't been doing it for like two weeks.

19:44 Adam I see. And what about the size of the four cylinder? What size engine is that?

19:49 Caller It's like a 16 valve.

19:51 Adam Yeah, but what size? What's the displacement?

19:54 Caller I don't know.

19:55 Adam Yeah, see, this is what I love about... Why am I... I'm supposed to go in there and drop 20 grand on something you don't even know what the displacement of the engine is?

20:03 What's a Hyundai, so it's not 20 grand?

20:04 Caller Now is it?

20:05 Adam How much is that, Souffle?

20:09 Caller You can get one standard, about 18.

20:11 Adam 18, but if you get what I like in it, which is air conditioning, CD, and the butt plug, you're out the door 20.

20:19 Something like that, 20.

20:20 Adam All right, I just said 20.

20:22 Caller Well, I'm talking basic standards.

20:23 Adam I'm supposed to drop 20 grand and you don't even know what size the engine is. How dare you?

20:28 Caller I'm too sorry.

20:29 Adam All right, you read that manual.

20:30 Caller I sure will.

20:31 Adam And pull that piercing out of your tongue when you're pushing those Hyundai's.

20:34 Drew Yeah, do you think that piercing is going to help your salesmanship?

20:37 Caller Well, it's not, you can't notice it unless I show it to you.

20:41 Drew Unless you're talking.

20:42 Caller No, not really.

20:43 Caller I got it too far back.

20:44 Caller I told the woman, I said, sell cars.

20:45 I want it back far that she can't see.

20:47 Drew Your boss, is he going to like him?

20:49 Adam He doesn't care.

20:50 Caller He doesn't see it.

20:52 Adam He's selling Hyundai's.

20:53 Adam What's he care?

20:54 Adam He's about ready to kill himself.

20:56 Adam All right. And Christina, you get out of that business. It's the world's filthiest business. It's a car salesman.

21:04 Caller That's a very lucrative business.

21:05 Adam Horrible, horrible people. Yeah, so is smuggling munitions. That's lucrative. Doesn't mean... It attracts a great quality breed of person. Now, anyone who sells anything is flawed, horribly flawed. All you people that sell things, flawed. Amber?

21:24 Caller Yes?

21:24 Adam You're 16. What's up?

21:26 Caller Well, I got bit by a bat last night.

21:28 Adam Oh, really?

21:29 Drew Wow.

21:30 Adam Yeah, that means you're going to turn into a bat, doesn't it?

21:32 Drew Vampire, yeah.

21:33 Adam Yeah, you get bit by a raccoon, you get rabies, but you get bit by a bat. I think bat's the only animal you'll actually turn into that animal. Makes sense. Yeah. How'd you get? Where were you that you got bit by a bat?

21:46 Caller I was on my porch.

21:47 Drew What part of the country?

21:48 Caller Utah.

21:50 Drew Utah?

21:50 Caller Yeah.

21:51 Drew I would have thought the southeast somewhere.

21:53 Adam Where were you? Were you camping?

21:55 Caller I was just on my porch.

21:56 Drew How do you know it was a bat?

21:57 Caller Hmm?

21:57 Drew How do you know it was a bat? I mean, they were pretty fast.

22:00 Caller Because I picked it up.

22:01 Drew No, it was alive.

22:02 Caller Well, it was jumping off my porch, and I thought it was a frog.

22:04 Caller And I love frogs, so I went over there and saw a frog.

22:07 Caller And I thought it was a frog. And I love frogs, so I went over and I picked it up.

22:10 Drew Oh, and it bit you in the hand?

22:12 Caller Yeah.

22:13 Adam Oh, yeah. That picture is sort of kind of a cussie, like raid.

22:16 Drew Yeah, yeah.

22:17 Adam So it bit you in the hand.

22:19 Drew So it was a sick bat?

22:21 Caller What bat?

22:22 Drew The bat was probably ill?

22:23 Caller Yeah.

22:24 Drew Did you save it?

22:25 Caller Did you have it? Yep, and my parents took it in this morning, but they haven't called back.

22:28 Drew The SPCA? The Animal Protection People?

22:31 Caller What bat?

22:32 Drew The Animal Protection People have it?

22:33 Caller Well, they took it to the health department.

22:35 Drew Okay, good. Did they talk to you about getting rabies shots?

22:38 Caller No.

22:39 Drew That's the one thing we certainly weren't aware of.

22:40 Adam Well, don't they get to check the bat out?

22:42 Drew They do, but sometimes they'll have you go ahead and get some...

22:45 Adam Good news and bad news. We checked the bat for rabies, no rabies. It is HIV positive, however.

22:51 So...

22:54 Adam All right, so wait till they check it out, right?

22:56 Drew Yeah, but you...

22:57 Adam You okay?

22:57 Caller Well, yeah, but I had to come home from work early because I've gotten hot flashes, my sweat and really bad and I almost passed out a few times.

23:05 Adam Wow. Maybe you're just thinking about the bat.

23:08 Caller That's what I think, maybe, but...

23:09 Drew Is your hand okay? What's that? Any swelling or anything in the hand?

23:13 Caller No.

23:13 Adam Do you hate your job?

23:15 Caller What's that?

23:15 Adam Do you hate your job?

23:16 Caller No, I love my job.

23:17 Adam You love your job?

23:18 Caller Yes.

23:18 Adam You went home early?

23:19 Caller Yes.

23:19 Drew Yeah, it's a bad sign. Listen, you gotta talk to an infectious disease... or somebody who's monitoring what's going on with animals in your area, maybe just call local emergency rooms, see if they have some access to information like that.

23:32 Adam Yeah, what do you ask for the bat?

23:35 Drew Have you had a tetanus shot recently?

23:37 Caller No.

23:38 Drew Tetanus, rabies, these are all things you need to be... I'm more interested in......blastomycosis, I think it's called histoplasmosis even.

23:45 Adam Alright, go tell somebody you got bit by a bat.

23:48 Caller Well, my parents know, but they're waiting. I felt really sick tonight.

23:52 Drew But I think you ought to call an emergency room locally and talk to someone about it, see if you can get some information about what's going on with the animals in your area.

23:58 Adam Yeah, I hope you learn a valuable lesson. Stay away from nature. It'll try to kill you, everything, insects, butterflies, potato bugs. I'm interested in where you work that you love your job at 16.

24:13 Caller I work at Kmart.

24:14 Adam Okay, listen, you do not love your job, you're miserable.

24:17 Caller No, I love my job.

24:18 Adam No, you're not.

24:18 Caller Yes, I do.

24:19 Adam Everyone who works at 16 must be miserable.

24:22 Drew Is the bat still alive?

24:24 Caller I don't know. It's at the health department right now.

24:26 Drew Wow.

24:27 Adam Well, was it alive when they took it?

24:28 Caller Yeah.

24:29 Drew And they took it and said our daughter got bitten by this thing?

24:31 Caller What's that?

24:32 Drew And they told the health department that you had been bitten by this?

24:34 Caller I think so.

24:35 Adam No, they just presented them a bat and just grunted.

24:37 Drew Who knows who she...

24:39 Adam We figured they're hillbillies. She got bit by a bat. I figured it makes her one of the McCoys or something.

24:46 Drew I just... The whole situation is bizarre. She hasn't talked to a doctor yet?

24:49 Adam Are your parents normal, healthy people?

24:53 Adam Yeah.

24:53 Drew I think so. I think you might have the rabies vaccine already.

24:55 Adam Does your dad drive one of those Hyundai Soufflés?

24:57 Caller No.

24:58 Adam All right. What's your dad drive?

24:59 Adam Pickup truck?

25:00 Caller Yeah.

25:01 Drew I'm concerned, Amber. I really am. I think you better make sure you...

25:03 Adam Smell a little pickup truck on that guy.

25:05 Drew You get in touch with... Just call an emergency room locally there and tell them what happened, okay?

25:09 Adam What's your dad do for a living?

25:11 Caller He... I'm not doing nothing right now.

25:15 Caller He's trying to start a business.

25:16 Adam Trying to start a business?

25:17 Adam I see.

25:19 Adam That code for get off heroin.

25:22 Adam All right.

25:22 Adam We will take ourselves a little break. When we come back, Drew, who are we going to talk to?

25:28 Drew We're talking to John.

25:29 Adam We will talk to John.

25:30 Adam John is 22, gets off watching Sex Buddy through a window.

25:34 Adam Hmm. Never heard of that before. After this.

25:41 Love Lines with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

25:55 You're listening to Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio, 100.7 The Buzz.

26:13 Caller Hey, Loveline.

26:16 Adam Listen, I'm not going to eat this whole goddamn can of nuts, Drew.

26:18 Drew I'm already eating it.

26:19 Adam I know.

26:21 Drew Sarah, Sarah, come here.

26:23 Adam Eat this. Eat this one nut. So I can say, technically, I did not finish the whole can. Drew, you eat this one.

26:29 Drew Thank you.

26:30 Caller There you go.

26:31 Adam Now, when I when I belch it up later, I can say, who ate that entire can of nuts? And I can say, me, Drew and Sarah. There you go.

26:40 Drew Thank you, Karen.

26:41 Adam Yeah. Karen sent over plenty of mothless food. It's a treat. I never had food here at Westwood One without moths in it.

26:48 Drew Just I've never had fresh food here. Really?

26:52 Adam All right. Drew, what do you want to buffet spread out as you decide to do a radio show?

26:55 Caller Dude, the thing said eat by August 1st.

26:58 Adam Yeah.

26:59 Drew No, no.

27:00 Caller Not August 2001, August 1st.

27:02 Adam Yeah, but didn't have a year, didn't it? Shouldn't have a year on that?

27:05 Caller It's like natural stuff, so you assume it's this year, present year.

27:08 Adam Yeah, but nuts.

27:09 Adam Nuts don't seem like something that yogurt drops and stuff like that. And listen Anderson, when you put money into a vending machine, you assume that whatever's coming out of the vending machine is fit for consumption.

27:21 Drew At that moment.

27:22 Caller That's true.

27:23 Adam Thank you.

27:24 Adam Boy, he's such a wuss for this Westwood One, Anderson.

27:29 Adam Come on, learn to hate him like us.

27:31 I don't hate him, I'm just saying.

27:32 Adam You should hate him. John, you're 22.

27:34 Caller All right.

27:35 Adam What's up?

27:36 Caller Well, let's see. Here's the hook, basically. I got this friend who's a girl. We've been friends for a couple of years and we've basically like evolved into the kind of friends that, you know, can call each other and you know, whenever they're, you know, in the mood or whatever. And the other one will come over and deliver, you know, it's basically.

27:54 Drew You have lots of those kinds of friends, didn't you?

27:56 Adam Yeah. When I was, when I was 22, I had that too. I had this a couple of chicks I could call and tell them I just got done jacking off and then go to bed. No, no, not like that. They answer the phone. It's great.

28:06 Caller Right. So anyways, like this girl's a lifeguard, so she showers at night. And one day I went over and rang her doorbell. No answer. So I'll go on to the side of the house and see if she's there and our lights on. And I noticed the light was on. And so I figured she was there. And basically what's happened over time.

28:26 Adam Hold on, John.

28:27 Drew Did you figure she was there?

28:28 Adam Because the light was on.

28:30 Caller What now?

28:31 Adam Light being on equals she's home.

28:33 Adam Is that what you're saying?

28:34 Yes. Yes.

28:35 Adam Write that down.

28:36 Drew Figured she was there.

28:37 Light on.

28:38 Caller Thank you.

28:38 Adam Keep going, John.

28:39 Caller Okay. So, and basically over time, what has happened is I realized that she's, you know, she showers at night. She walks around naked with the blinds down. And I'm like up in a tree, you know, doing my thing instead of knocking on the door and going at it. And I'm wondering like, what is like, what's possessing me to do this?

28:58 Drew Like, so you'd rather be this sort of voyeur.

29:01 Caller Yeah. You know, I know I could knock on the door and go, you know, in and like, you know, have sex with her.

29:07 Adam Four years.

29:08 We're that kind of friends.

29:09 Caller But instead I'm like here up in this tree, like, you know, pulling it off.

29:14 Caller Right.

29:15 Adam So explain that one again. We're not sure that works. You say you could have sex with her.

29:20 Caller Yeah.

29:20 Caller Because, you know, we're that kind of friends.

29:22 Adam But you'd rather do hump a tree.

29:26 Caller Well, I'm not humping a tree.

29:27 Adam Hanging from the tree. I see.

29:29 Caller I'm in the tree like looking in a window.

29:31 Adam I see.

29:32 Caller And well, because she lives on the second floor and that's the only way I can.

29:35 Adam I see. All right. Well, John, don't you think someone's going to call the cops on you eventually?

29:40 Caller Well, it's on like the far side of the building and it's kind of dark, so nobody can really see me.

29:44 Adam Yeah. Eventually.

29:45 Caller If I thought it was dangerous, I wouldn't do it.

29:47 Drew What do you think the thrill is? Wait, would you have any sense of what you sort of hit on there?

29:51 Caller What now?

29:52 Drew What do you think the thrill is due to? What is it that's so gratifying about this?

29:55 Caller I'm not sure exactly. You know, I'm a good guy and all, and I like this girl. I like having sex with her, but for some reason, this is just doing it for me. I can't stop.

30:08 Adam Do you masturbate in the tree?

30:10 Caller Oh, yeah.

30:12 Drew You do?

30:13 Adam Oh, Jesus. It's gotta be rough on the guy who comes to trim it once a year.

30:18 Drew Somehow, somehow, this has some sort of, not retribution, but it's sort of okay with me that the guy that can just go and have sex ends up hanging from a tree. It's just, maybe it's too easy for him. He has to make a chase out of it.

30:38 Adam He's gonna have an orgasm, lose his grip, hit the pavement and they're gonna find him there, dead with his hand spot well into his junk and the semen just dripping off the tree onto him like some kind of a horror movie from the 50s.

30:54 Adam Yeah.

30:56 Adam Yeah, and they'll probably leave him there, put a little memorial there, put some candles and some jurgens up.

31:00 Drew I wonder if he's an addict, if this is some sort of triggering that whole mechanism.

31:04 Adam Let me ask him.

31:06 Drew John, is there any-

31:07 Adam Yeah, I'm here.

31:08 Drew Is there any alcohols in your family?

31:10 Caller What now?

31:10 Drew Any alcoholism in your family?

31:12 Caller No, I've been drinking more lately, but not a lot.

31:17 Adam Do you really have an orgasm in the tree?

31:20 Well, I mean, you know, I'm a guy.

31:22 Caller What do you think?

31:22 Adam Hold on.

31:23 Drew Hold on.

31:26 Adam Oh, that was uncalled for. Oh, hey, I'm getting etiquette lessons from a guy jacked off in a tree.

31:34 Adam How dare you, sir?

31:35 Drew How dare you?

31:38 Adam Yeah, not bad. Nothing going on there. Not fart.

31:42 Adam Nothing. All right.

31:44 Adam Well, listen, get it out. I don't know. Just go hump her.

31:49 Adam I don't know.

31:50 Adam Stop doing it.

31:52 Drew Something is up with him. I suspect. Yeah. The best I can make sense of this. This is utilizing that same thrill mechanisms that addicts and alcoholics find so gratifying and that this may be part of that biology. And that's why he can't stop it. And they might want to look in.

32:07 Adam I don't know.

32:08 Adam I don't even believe him. Jonathan.

32:10 Caller Yeah.

32:10 Adam You're 15.

32:11 Adam What's up?

32:12 Caller Well, like a couple of days ago, I asked my girlfriend if we could have a threesome. And she said, yeah. But then she asked the lesbian friend of hers if she wanted to in on the threesome. She said, yeah, also, you know, that's not really a problem yet. But here it is, you know, with your input, Adam, and we can tell you, like, how I can make the lesbian be kind of into me, too. So she, you know, my girlfriend won't get all the fun.

32:32 Adam I see.

32:33 Adam You make me sick. 15 years old. So upset that he's only banging one chick while he's watching the other girl do God knows what to the 15 year old lesbian chick. So upset that he's not getting enough. I don't believe you.

32:47 Caller Oh, trust me, my girlfriend, she's kind of crazy.

32:49 Adam How old is she?

32:50 Caller 15 also.

32:51 Adam How old's her lesbian friend?

32:53 Caller I think she's 16.

32:54 Adam You got a little bisexuality in you?

32:57 Caller Hmm?

32:58 Adam You got a little bisexual in you?

33:00 Caller No.

33:00 Adam No?

33:01 Drew You're gay.

33:02 Adam Drew, please, let me ask a question.

33:04 Caller Oh, thanks, Drew.

33:05 Adam You don't like the guys?

33:06 Caller Hell, no.

33:07 Adam How about the gents?

33:09 Caller That's the same thing.

33:10 Adam What about the boys or the fellas?

33:12 Caller Nah. All righty.

33:14 He's bisexual.

33:15 Adam Well, listen, Jonathan.

33:16 Caller Yeah?

33:17 Adam If you, first off, don't get anyone pregnant.

33:19 Caller Of course not.

33:20 Adam Because we don't need your brainiac to reproduce it.

33:22 Drew What are they using for contraception?

33:24 Caller All right, condoms.

33:25 Adam Really?

33:26 Caller Yeah.

33:27 Adam All right. Listen, here's what you need to do.

33:29 Adam You need to juice them up with some wine coolers.

33:32 Adam First off, you need to just have sex, right? How old is your girl? Don't try to get anything in writing before. Just have sex and just see where it goes. See where your penis leads you.

33:45 Drew Is there 15 and 16-year-olds?

33:47 Adam What do you want me to say?

33:48 Drew Just cool out. Don't go after three or something. You're going to ruin the relationship, right?

33:53 Adam Yeah, he doesn't care.

33:54 Caller That's one other concern I have. I love my girlfriend. I'll just try something new.

33:58 Drew Yeah, well, try something new and it'll be the end of your relationship, guaranteed.

34:01 Adam Yeah, but she's nuts anyway. Your number one plan is not to get her pregnant. You'll hear me, Jonathan?

34:07 Caller Oh, yeah.

34:08 Adam You'll be miserable for the rest of your life. More miserable than you're already going to be.

34:12 Caller You got screwed already.

34:13 Adam Yeah, do not get her pregnant.

34:15 Caller Yeah.

34:15 Adam Do you hear me?

34:16 Caller Yeah, of course. All right.

34:18 Adam Listen to me. As your God, I command you not to. I'm one of the few gods that is against procreation.

34:25 Drew Nice.

34:26 Adam Most gods, that's one of their number one jobs.

34:29 Drew Procreate, yeah.

34:29 Adam Go forth and procreate, not me. Mine is go fifth and masturbate.

34:35 Adam It's a little bit different.

34:36 Adam Let's talk to Brandon. Brandon?

34:39 Caller Hello.

34:39 Adam You're 19.

34:40 Caller Hey, how's it going? Good. First of all, I want to say that I know you guys probably get tired of this, but I want to thank you for everything you do for people. I think you help as many people as you think or maybe even don't think you help.

34:54 Adam I never think about it, but thank you.

34:57 Caller My question was, in my philosophy class today, I was arguing with a girl who thought the morning after pill might be an abortion pill, but her case was because the medical definition of an abortion pill or, excuse me, of pregnancy was when the embryo caught the uterus.

35:21 Drew No, the definition of conception is when the egg reaches the sperm.

35:25 Caller Okay, so that's...

35:26 Drew It prevents that from happening.

35:28 Okay.

35:29 Drew It has a finite possibility of occasionally, perhaps, interfering with implantation. About the same risk as all other birth control pills and many other anti-inflammatories that people use regularly out there. So if you're gonna take this one off the market for that potential, you're gonna have to remove all birth control.

35:52 Caller All right. Okay.

35:53 Caller That's good.

35:54 Drew There you go. It's primary effect is by suppressing ovulation. So the egg is never released. So the sperm never gets to the egg.

36:01 Hey Brandon.

36:03 Adam I never took any philosophy classes or speech and debate or any of that nonsense.

36:07 Drew You gotta go out and slay that dragon. You gotta get her.

36:10 Adam I tell you, if I did, I hear... Tomorrow when you go in there, you start that argument, start every sentence with, yo bitch! Yo bitch! And then you get into the details of it.

36:24 Caller Well, I'm in Texas, so everybody starts saying everything with, yo bitch.

36:27 Drew We'll just start with howdy.

36:28 Howdy.

36:29 Adam And then the whole class will yell howdy and you can make your escape. Is it true? Does everyone yell howdy at your school?

36:37 Caller I've actually found myself yelling it now.

36:40 Adam But if you say howdy to a large group of Texans, they will all answer in unison, howdy. Is that true?

36:46 Drew Or is that just Texas A&M?

36:48 Caller Yeah, there's no why at the end of it. It's just howdy.

36:51 Adam Howdy. And is that at all?

36:53 Caller Where do you go?

36:55 Caller I go to North Texas.

36:57 Adam Is that a real college?

36:59 Caller It's a, yeah, it's a, believe it or not, but it's sort of a pathetic one.

37:03 Adam North Texas sounds like one of those colleges that they make up when they do a football movie.

37:10 Caller Yeah, yeah.

37:12 Drew Or an Animal House movie or something.

37:13 Adam A 70-year-old guy wants to play quarterback. He's going to go back to North Texas and play. All right. We got some calls here?

37:22 Drew No, we're going for a break.

37:24 Adam I feel another fart coming on.

37:25 Drew Let's, let me out of here.

37:27 Adam Hold on a second.

37:30 Caller We'll be right back.

37:35 Adam I'm eating nuts.

37:36 Drew Eating nuts, grunting, snorting.

37:39 Adam I mean, how dare you turn this god damn mic on? Don't give me that puss, Anderson. How dare you turn my mic down?

37:52 Drew All right.

37:52 Adam I couldn't get anything going, but I'll see what I can get going for the next.

37:55 Caller Okay.

38:30 Caller Hey, it's a loveline.

38:33 Adam Gee, I'm surprised we're going nuts here, Drew.

38:35 Drew Oh, you're just about to kill it.

38:36 Caller Yeah.

38:37 Drew No, no, like a pound of almonds.

38:40 Adam Yeah, I'm so good for you.

38:42 Adam There's fuel food.

38:43 Adam You know what I like about you, Drew?

38:45 Drew You eat.

38:46 Adam You like to eat.

38:46 Drew You eat.

38:47 Adam You eat like I eat.

38:48 Drew Yeah, yeah.

38:48 Adam You eat because there's a slight vengeance. Food's a little more than food for you. Me too. I like that. There's nothing worse than some pussy sitting around not eating while you're eating, making you feel bad about eating, especially at 11 o'clock at night. You're on your third tin of nuts and second sack of popcorn and they start making those comments. Oh, no, no. I'd like to, but no. That's what I don't like. I don't mind a guy saying, Oh, Christ, I just pounded six Arby's roast beef sandwiches and a 12-pack of Mickey's. So I vomited 10 minutes ago. I'll be back in about five minutes, so I'll be helping you out. Those chocolate covered macadamia's? Yeah, I'll be eating some of those. Yeah, I don't mind.

39:33 Drew No, no, no, no, we're okay.

39:34 Adam Yeah, and I'll leave the cashews. Get the cas- Come on, Drew, how dare you hand my nuts back? I don't mind that dude. I don't like the dude who's announcing, Oh, no, no, you know, yeah, that's all saturated fat. I don't like that guy when I'm trying to eat. There's nothing better than a doctor who's pounding crap right next to you.

39:54 Drew People want me to be that guy.

39:56 Adam Yeah.

39:56 Adam You want to smoke?

39:58 Adam No. You don't want to smoke?

39:59 Drew I've drawn the line somewhere.

40:00 Adam You don't want to smoke?

40:01 Adam Okay.

40:01 Adam Give me some of the cashews.

40:02 Drew Oh, these are good.

40:03 Adam Oh, of course they're good.

40:04 Adam This is heroin.

40:05 Drew Oh, my God.

40:05 Adam I don't understand people that don't like nuts. You know, my two partners, Jimmy and Dan, I don't like nuts.

40:10 Drew Why are you hanging out with those guys? They have nothing in common with them.

40:12 Adam I don't anymore.

40:13 Drew Other than the sex.

40:14 Adam No more.

40:14 Drew If we're the sex, we have no relationship, right?

40:16 Caller You're right.

40:18 Adam They start eating cashews and macadamia nuts. I ain't hanging out with them.

40:22 Adam Bridget?

40:23 Caller Yeah.

40:23 Adam You're 17.

40:24 Caller Yeah. Hi.

40:26 Adam Oh, those cashews are so good.

40:28 Caller A few days ago, I was raped at a party. And I was just, I think that I might be pregnant because, well, I'm not sure, because when that happened, I was on my period. But I heard that if, and it was unprotected, by the way, and I heard that if you have sex while you're on your period, then there's a chance that you won't get pregnant.

40:59 Drew Yeah, that's correct. So why do you think you're pregnant?

41:02 Caller Well, because it was unprotected. And I just think that, I don't know, I was just scared that...

41:08 Drew How long ago did this happen?

41:09 Caller It happened on Saturday.

41:11 Adam What happened?

41:12 Caller I was just really, really drunk. And I just didn't know what I was doing. Like, I was at that state where I just didn't know what was happening to me until the next morning. And I just thought and I realized, oh my gosh, what just happened?

41:26 Adam Well, who did this to you?

41:29 Caller I don't even know the guy. All I know is he's a Marine and, yeah, I don't know.

41:35 Adam How do you know he's a Marine? He yelled the Semper Fi before he jumped on you?

41:39 Caller Yeah, well, we talked a little bit and that's all I got.

41:42 Adam Oh, so you did?

41:43 Drew So you were waking up to talk to the guy?

41:45 Caller Yeah.

41:46 Adam You were talking beforehand with him?

41:48 Caller Yeah.

41:49 Adam And then you passed out and he raped you?

41:51 Caller Well, yeah, I mean, I was like sort of like I have flashes of like what happened.

41:57 Drew You were awake?

41:58 Caller Yeah.

41:59 Drew You didn't pass out.

42:00 Adam Well, see, in his mind, he may have raped you.

42:04 Caller Yeah. Yeah, see, that's what I'm thinking.

42:06 Adam Yeah.

42:07 Caller I mean, I mean, it was like my choice to like drink and everything, but I...

42:11 Drew He might not even have known you're drunk, right?

42:13 Caller No, like I didn't think I had that much.

42:16 Adam Well, well, hold on. Wait a minute. I got to fart.

42:18 Adam Now, hold on.

42:23 Caller Thanks.

42:24 Adam Yeah. I'm sorry to fart during a rape story. I know that's sometimes considered group, considered in bad taste. You ever, you know, sometimes in this rape crisis, groups have farted in those groups. It's not considered good at it. But maybe I know. Here's what I want to say. I want to say a couple of things. A, you're probably not pregnant because you're having your period.

42:46 Drew That's true.

42:47 Adam B, don't look at yourself as a rape victim. Look at yourself as somebody who drank too much and slipped up and got taken advantage of. But don't walk around as a rape victim. You're alive. And B, this guy's going like one hell of a Marine if he can rape someone who's on the period. That's the kind of Marine type mentality I like.

43:03 Drew But this is perhaps the consequences of alcoholism more than anything else.

43:08 Caller What?

43:10 Drew This is the consequences of your relationship with alcohol more than anything else.

43:13 Adam Yeah.

43:14 Drew That's really where the problem is.

43:15 Adam Are you doing a lot of drinking these days?

43:18 Caller Yeah, lately I have been.

43:19 Adam Well, maybe you need to slow down a little with your drinking.

43:21 Drew Alcoholism in your family?

43:22 Caller Yes. No, not that I know of.

43:25 Drew Do you know your parents?

43:26 Caller No. Well, yeah, I know my parents, but they're not alcoholics.

43:31 Drew Your dad ever drinks?

43:33 Caller No, hardly ever.

43:34 Adam Well, maybe she's heroines his thing.

43:36 Drew They smoke pot?

43:37 Caller No.

43:38 Adam All right.

43:38 Drew Grandparents?

43:39 Adam Oh, let her be her own alcoholic. Well, let's say she's doing it herself. Bridget, stop going to parties and drinking so much.

43:48 Drew Has she been previously abused in any way?

43:49 Adam Any sexual abuse?

43:51 Caller No.

43:51 Adam Never been raped before?

43:53 Caller No.

43:54 Adam Okay, well, let's not have it happen again.

43:56 Caller Okay.

43:56 Adam But don't look at yourself as a rape victim.

43:58 Caller Yeah, okay.

43:59 Adam All right. Well, do you like the guy?

44:02 Caller No, I think he's a jerk.

44:04 Adam Oh, he's a jerk?

44:05 Caller Yeah. Why? Well, apparently, I found out that he gets around in my school, so I have, like, no respect for him at all.

44:14 Drew Were you a virgin before this?

44:16 Caller Yeah.

44:17 Adam Do you, does this guy go to your school?

44:21 Caller No, he graduated a couple years ago.

44:23 Adam I see. And he's a Marine, but he just comes back and makes the rounds?

44:27 Caller Yeah, pretty much.

44:28 Adam That's a dynamite individual. I'd like to meet this champ one day. All right, Bridget, you're fine.

44:33 Caller Oh, and also, I still feel like since it was unprotected, I want to get, like, checked out, you know, but like I don't want to tell my dad about it.

44:45 Adam Right.

44:45 Caller And like all the clinics that I've called and the hospitals I've talked to, like, I either have to have, like, a guardian with me or like if I go to the hospital, like they can treat me and stuff, but like they'd have to file a police report and like I don't want to make a big deal about it.

45:01 Adam Well, don't tell me you're raped. Just tell me you had sex, unprotected sex.

45:05 Caller And they'd still, like, be able to, like, treat me and stuff?

45:08 Drew Yes.

45:08 Adam Yeah, go to, go to Planned Parenthood. Where? Oh, this guy's a Marine. What could he possibly have?

45:13 Drew What state are you calling from?

45:15 Caller Virginia.

45:16 Drew I don't know what the laws are like.

45:17 Adam Don't they got some kind of Planned Parenthood over there?

45:19 Drew Some of these states have strange laws where if money exchanges hands, they have to notify the guardian. Really? Yeah, it's a very strange thing.

45:27 Adam Can we just decide on which laws work and go ahead and adopt those?

45:30 Drew Nationally.

45:31 Adam Yeah. No, no.

45:33 Drew States rights and all.

45:34 Adam I see. All right.

45:35 Adam Let's talk to Stephen.

45:37 Caller Hi.

45:38 Adam What's up?

45:39 Caller I've got the information on that Hyundai. It's a small support utility. The four cylinder engines and inline four, 2.4 liter produces 149 horsepower at 5,500 RPM.

45:52 Adam I see. What's the torque?

45:54 Caller 156 at 3,000.

45:56 Adam Respectable. And what about the V6?

45:59 Caller 2.7 liter V6, 181 at 6,000 and 187 at 4,000.

46:05 Adam So she was way off essentially on both her estimates.

46:08 Caller Yeah. And I'd like to say Hyundai isn't the worst car you can get.

46:12 Adam No. Daihatsu. What is it?

46:14 Caller Kia.

46:15 Adam Kia's bad.

46:16 Caller Yeah. Kia's worse than Hyundai.

46:18 Adam What about Daihatsu?

46:20 Caller Do they still make those?

46:21 Adam I don't know.

46:21 Adam But my favorite car ever is the Daihatsu Charade.

46:28 Drew They should just call it the Sham.

46:32 Adam Yeah.

46:33 Caller I don't know.

46:34 Adam I don't understand. I think it must have been one of those translation things. I think sitting back in Japan or Korea or wherever they invented a car. The Charade must have figured was a good thing. As it turns out, Charade is not a great thing. There's not a real popular connotation to Charade.

46:54 Drew It probably was going to be like Silhouette or Shadow or something. They screwed up the translation and became Charade.

47:01 Caller You know Nova means no go in Spanish?

47:04 Adam Nova means no go in Spanish.

47:06 Caller And they sell them over there all the time.

47:07 Adam It doesn't go? Yeah.

47:08 Drew They don't call it Nova.

47:09 Adam Oh, in Mexico?

47:10 Caller They call it Nova over there.

47:12 Drew They call it Nova.

47:13 Adam They call it Nova, yeah. Drew's right. It's a chubby Nova. Thank you. All righty. Stephen?

47:20 Caller Yeah?

47:20 Adam Thanks for the Hyundai info.

47:22 Caller Also, I'd like to say that Drew and Anderson, I think you do a really great job and the show wouldn't be the same without you.

47:27 Drew Thank you for supporting us, Stephen.

47:28 Caller I agree with what that guy said.

47:29 Adam It's too late. That 14-year-old has spoken and it is done.

47:32 Caller Who are you, Drew?

47:33 Adam They'll be fine. There he is. This is their last show. We'll be back after this.

47:37 Caller All right. Hey, Loveline, I'm Adam.

48:27 Adam And that's Drew over there.

48:28 Drew I just want to thank Karen O'Hara again and let her know that Adam killed the bottle of almonds and cashews. Nice. And I got the chocolate macadamia nuts. Finished those.

48:39 Adam Did you kill those?

48:40 Drew A couple left.

48:41 Adam Oh, Jesus Christ.

48:42 Drew You want to have them?

48:43 Adam We got problems. No, I just...

48:46 Drew No, let's go vomit, seriously.

48:48 Adam Yeah. It's not a big deal if you just do it once in a while, right? It's not like I'm going to blow something out if I just vomit, you know, a couple times a year.

48:56 Adam Yeah. It's cool, right?

48:57 Drew Let's go.

48:57 Adam As a doctor? Listen, I've heaved many a time. Look at me. I'm fine.

49:05 Drew Please. Do you see what my parents...

49:07 Adam You know what? You know what? My mom, do you see what she did to me?

49:09 Drew I understand this. She withheld food. Yes.

49:12 Adam And now I go nuts.

49:13 Drew Yeah.

49:14 Adam And my family was so goddamn cheap. Well, not cheap, just poor and cheap that we didn't have the good expensive stuff in there. Nuts are expensive. Just macadamia nuts.

49:25 Drew I just noticed everything I'm saying tonight is heading towards fantasy answer.

49:29 Adam Dan.

49:30 Caller Hello.

49:31 Adam What's up?

49:32 Caller Well, I didn't think I would get through. I haven't heard a call from Michigan in a long time, so I am very happy to be on with you guys.

49:39 Adam Yeah, but how do you know? Who do you hear from anybody around the country on this?

49:43 Caller We don't.

49:43 Drew Yeah, we don't identify typically.

49:46 Caller I'm sorry.

49:47 Drew We don't ask people where they're calling from.

49:49 Caller Oh, I see.

49:49 Drew Yeah.

49:50 Caller All right. Well, anyway, I just wanted to comment and say that when I heard Dr. Drew's fantasy answers, you guys have got to do that a lot more often, a lot more often.

50:01 Adam There's a few things we don't do on this show, and one of them is good radio. Drew and I stumble on to something that is funny and then quickly forget about it and don't do it for years at a time.

50:12 Drew I'm always afraid that somebody's going to listen for a minute or two and take me seriously.

50:17 Adam Drew's fantasy answers are funny, and we should work those in every once in a while.

50:21 Caller Yeah. Actually, Dr. Drew has been loosening up a hell of a lot more.

50:24 Adam Well, he's drunk.

50:25 Caller You're kidding me.

50:26 Adam He has a few naps when he comes in here.

50:30 Caller And also the Loveline movie, I think you guys should definitely seriously think about that one.

50:35 Drew What would the plot be?

50:36 Caller Well, if you kind of do it in the style of the Beatles movie.

50:39 Adam Yeah. Do it like Yellow Submarine or Hell.

50:41 Caller Well, no, not really that, but just kind of remotely refer to the movie or refer to the show and kind of work in some of the colors.

50:51 Drew It needs to be some sort of high tech adventure.

50:52 Caller It might actually be going on in their lives.

50:54 Adam Well, wait a second. I agree with Dan. After the success of the Jerry Springer movie, we should have no difficulty with this pitch. What do you say, Drew?

51:03 Drew It's a natural.

51:03 Adam Drew, this is never going to happen. You want to know why?

51:05 Drew Because it's about you and me.

51:07 Adam Yeah. And I, although I am full of myself, I have no energy for myself when it comes to business. I have, well, my time is monopolized by building things and messing with model airplanes.

51:21 Drew So I should go ahead and write and pitch this thing?

51:22 Adam You're going to have to do it. I can't pitch anything that has me in it. It's not going to work. Not for me. It doesn't work well.

51:29 Drew So when they say, is Adam in, we can count on that?

51:32 Adam We got to call him. He's flying his model airplane. Donnie?

51:35 Yo.

51:36 Adam You're 18.

51:37 Caller What's up?

51:38 Adam What's up?

51:38 Caller Long time listener, first time caller.

51:41 Drew Great. Many time hot smoker.

51:44 Caller Yes. All right. You guys with me? Yeah. Okay. So I'm 18 and there's this beautiful 33 year old woman that is interested in me. She, I've found her a mutual friend that she's interested in me. And I've come to believe that she like wants a relationship and she's going to be in town for five days. And I don't know if I should avoid this because of the age difference or if I should go for this.

52:10 Caller Oh, no.

52:12 Adam How do you, what town is she in?

52:14 Caller Well, she's in another country, but she's just going to be in town for five days.

52:17 Adam How do you know her if she's in another country?

52:19 Caller I was working in that country.

52:21 Adam I see.

52:21 Drew What country were you talking about?

52:22 Caller Canada.

52:24 Drew I thought you were talking about Malaysia or something.

52:26 Caller Yeah.

52:27 Adam Listen, any place where they speak English in another country.

52:30 Drew That's contiguous with the United States.

52:32 Adam Yeah, it's attached.

52:33 Drew Yeah.

52:34 Adam Somebody arbitrarily drew a line down our country, and now you're in Canada.

52:38 Caller You know what I'm saying?

52:39 Adam Doesn't feel different to me.

52:41 Drew Donnie, what does this... You referenced her wanting a relationship and then quickly retreated to she's only going to be here five days from another country.

52:50 Adam Yeah. How do you know she wants a relationship with you?

52:52 Caller Well, basically, we've written each other a few emails and she says stuff like, I'm decorating my house right now. I wish you were here to help me decorate. Like, I wish we could live together. Stuff like that.

53:03 Drew Did she say, I wish we could live together?

53:05 Caller She didn't say those exact words, but she definitely insinuated stuff like that.

53:09 Drew No, I think she's talking about sharing an intimate moment with you, which I know as an 18 year old, that's a very far cry from where you're at.

53:16 Adam Is she newly divorced?

53:18 Caller No, she just got out of a long term relationship.

53:20 Drew With a husband?

53:22 Caller No, she's never been married. So basically do you think she wants the same thing I want, an experience with someone who's totally out of their age range?

53:31 Adam Yes.

53:32 Drew No.

53:32 Adam Well, listen, she's going to be here for five days. Have your kicks with her.

53:38 Caller Really?

53:38 Yeah.

53:39 Caller Far out.

53:40 Yeah.

53:40 Adam What do you want? You're 18, you're a man chronologically.

53:45 Caller Yeah.

53:46 Adam And, you know, genetically. Yeah. Pick her up at the airport on your moped. And you guys go down the park, drink a six pack of Mickeys and, you know, hump her right there on the grass.

53:56 Caller Right on.

53:57 Adam Yeah, you're fine. And quit smoking so much weed.

54:00 Caller Oh, you got it, man.

54:01 Drew Quit using so many of those those worn out phrases from the 70s.

54:05 Adam What it is.

54:06 Drew Far out.

54:06 Adam Far out. Hey, hey, hey, man, you're Squaresville. Hold on. I got a good one. I'll tell you what, one of the reasons I got into the radio, into radio so I can blow wind into the mic. That was a nice...

54:25 Drew I'm sorry, I didn't believe that was actually you. Oh yeah. That was him.

54:28 Adam Oh, that was a two-stager. Dude.

54:31 Caller Look at what he's sitting.

54:36 Adam Hey Anderson, you got that? Come on, get that one. Can you replay that? Come on, buddy. What do you mean, you can't? Why not?

54:44 Caller I can tomorrow night.

54:45 Adam Tomorrow night? I'd like to hear that tomorrow night.

54:48 Caller So you'll hear it more tonight on your way home, bro.

54:50 Adam The best of gas reel. Natalie Rotano from VIP will be in here tomorrow night. She should hear that fart. Probably turn her on. Cameron.

54:59 Adam Filthy, filthy man.

55:00 Adam Yeah. No punch tonight though. Nothing.

55:03 Drew Thank you, God.

55:04 Caller No.

55:04 Adam No zip at all.

55:05 Caller That was a nice intro, Adam.

55:07 Caller The fart.

55:08 Caller Yeah.

55:08 Caller Getting up to the call here.

55:09 Adam Let me tell you something, Cameron. Cameron, I was just bragging to a buddy of mine tonight about how my farts have had much more zip in the last four or five years. And I was really sort of almost gloating about my rectum.

55:24 Caller Right.

55:24 Drew Part of your aging rectum.

55:25 Adam For many years, I've just been blowing essentially warm air out of my head. But now, in the last few years, I've been noticing a little substance, a little zip, a little punch.

55:36 Drew Coming at your own.

55:37 Adam A little je ne sais quoi coming out of there. And a little consistency finally. And you know what? Tonight, blowing just wind.

55:46 Drew That's good.

55:46 Adam Nothing.

55:47 Drew That's nice.

55:47 Adam Yeah. It's humiliating.

55:48 Drew I said a prayer before I came in.

55:49 Adam It's like I'm letting myself down. My anus is letting my nose down. That's the way I feel. Cameron?

55:56 Caller Yeah.

55:57 Adam What's up?

55:58 Caller Well, I'm in a long-term relationship with someone that's been about 14 months now, going on 14 months.

56:05 Adam Yeah.

56:06 Caller And I cannot last in the sack.

56:09 Caller It's just it's just not working out.

56:11 Drew How long do you last?

56:13 Caller Hey, like a minute, maybe a little more.

56:18 Adam Really? And then and then what? And just the orgasm after that.

56:22 Caller It's just it's it's all gone after that. It's like true.

56:27 Adam Why don't you write Janice Aquino?

56:28 Drew Just because you run it all together. It drives me insane. That's how my brain works.

56:33 Adam You say Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, that's how you say that. I can't say Janice, I can't make it into one thing.

56:45 Drew Now you're saying it. Now you're doing it fine with you. This this all became one word.

56:50 Adam Janice.

56:50 Drew Yeah.

56:51 Adam Well, what does it mean? Certain something?

56:54 Drew I don't know what you're.

56:55 Adam Oh, it means I don't know what. Yeah. OK, so I don't know what I don't know what. Drew speaks French fluently and it bothers him when I say a certain Janice, a quad instead of the Janice, a quad.

57:10 Drew All right.

57:10 Caller Sorry.

57:11 Adam Thank you. Anyway.

57:13 Caller Yeah.

57:13 Adam Yeah. Sorry about that, buddy.

57:15 Caller Yeah.

57:15 Adam So what's going on with your penis?

57:18 Caller It's just I can't control it after that point.

57:21 Adam You can't.

57:22 Caller Yeah.

57:22 Caller I was wondering if there's anything I could do for that.

57:25 Adam Let me tell you truthfully.

57:27 Caller OK.

57:30 Adam Here's my take on this from doing this show and from having experience with not only my penis, but Drew's and many others around the station. Some guys. OK. Here's what I want to say. Five percent of guys can go on as long as they want and have a sort of gifted set of nuts.

57:50 Drew Think it's as high as five percent even?

57:53 Adam Just for the sake of rounding up.

57:55 Drew Less than five percent.

57:56 Adam Five percent of guys can do whatever they want with their penis like some kind of magic wand. They keep an erection all night. They can hump all night. Nothing ever happens. Or OK.

58:05 Drew Or like a ninja producing like a ninja.

58:07 Caller A magic wand makes my penis grow.

58:10 Adam The other five percent shoots off in one minute and then everyone else sort of falls somewhere in between. Could be closer to the bottom, could be closer to the top. You know what I'm saying?

58:19 Drew Yes.

58:19 Adam You're in that bottom five percent, unfortunately.

58:21 Drew Which in nature, in the natural habitat, Yes. you'd reproduce more effectively than anyone.

58:27 Adam Yeah, it's great because a saber-tooth tiger is at the cave door while you're trying to rape.

58:33 Drew And no problem.

58:33 Adam And no problem. Bow. You understand? Yeah. Now hold on. It's all worth it to see the look on Anderson's face when I blow wind into that mic. Wait a minute. I got a follow-up. A rebuttal, as it were. Are you ready? Are you watching? There you go. I tell you, I'm a grown man. I break wind into the phone when I'm talking to my friends. They don't even believe me.

59:05 Drew I just think about chimpanzees and other primates.

59:08 Adam No chimp can compare to my ass, Drew.

59:11 Drew But your reaction, precisely that of a chimp.

59:14 Adam No, I fart better than a chimp. What are you talking about?

59:16 Drew No, it's not the farting, it's the reaction.

59:18 Adam Yeah, I'm better. I can out fart any chimp. All right, there you go, Cameron.

59:26 Drew Yeah.

59:26 Adam So you're in that lower 5%.

59:29 Caller And he- No, the question is, what can I do?

59:32 Adam I know, I know. And I'm telling you the problem. You're like a guy who's slow, running. There's not a whole lot you can do. You can work on it, but you ain't never gonna be a sprinter. Do you know what I'm saying? I'm damning you is what I'm saying. There's not a whole lot you can do.

59:51 Drew Well, you can go a couple-

59:53 Adam Get a partner you're really into, give her a lot of oral sex.

59:56 Caller Go more than one round.

1:00:00 Adam See if you can go a few rounds. Can you go a few rounds?

1:00:03 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

1:00:04 Adam All right.

1:00:05 Caller Well, like I could double the world's population in one day.

1:00:07 Adam So go a few rounds, maybe. How about something to numb me up? You rub some Coke on your deck?

1:00:14 Caller Well, like when I use protection, I can go for like ever, but then it's just not the same. It's just-

1:00:20 Adam Yeah.

1:00:21 Drew How about-

1:00:22 Adam How about half a condom?

1:00:23 Drew Yeah, using condom for a while and then taking it off.

1:00:25 Adam I just saw it off and wear it like a turtleneck. Like I do.

1:00:30 Caller Just like a snow hat?

1:00:31 Adam Yeah. I mean, that's my thing. No, no, I actually cut the tip off and wear it around-

1:00:35 Drew Cut your penis off.

1:00:36 Adam Wear it around the base. No, no, no. You know what I'm saying? I cut the last inch and a half and I'm gonna wear it like a turtleneck.

1:00:43 Drew A sweater, isn't it?

1:00:43 Adam Yeah, my head would be my head. Cameron, there's really no easy fix to this. You get with one girl, you work it out, you drink. No.

1:00:52 Drew There are medicines that-

1:00:53 Adam How about a couple of beers? See if that slows you down a little.

1:00:56 Drew Later on, Prozac and Zoloft, those kinds of medicines will delay ejaculation but also reduces libido. Stop.

1:01:02 Adam No, I don't have another part.

1:01:03 Drew You're like getting a position there.

1:01:05 Adam Well, I like to stay ready in case something crops up.

1:01:07 Drew Oh my God.

1:01:09 Adam No smell though, right?

1:01:10 Drew No.

1:01:10 Adam You got to be fair.

1:01:11 Drew Yeah, it's been delightful actually, like lilacs, roses.

1:01:15 Adam I'm really sorry to hear that. You know, to me the sound is great but the extra twist is when it's got that stink going. When the force drew out into the hall to do the show sitting on a trash can with a 20-foot mic cord sitting out there miserable. People walking past him while he's out in the hallway. That's when the pride really kicks in.

1:01:38 Drew You're achieving at that point.

1:01:40 Adam When you force somebody out, you know? When you're driving and you got someone hanging their head out of the sunroof, that kind of stuff.

1:01:47 Drew Exerting your power.

1:01:48 Adam Yeah, that's pride. Really clear out of room.

1:01:52 Adam Angela.

1:01:53 Caller Yeah.

1:01:54 Adam You're, what are you, 15?

1:01:55 Caller Yeah.

1:01:57 Adam I'm sitting in a fart-ready position so it's hard for me to read the screen.

1:02:01 Caller I can smell it from here.

1:02:02 Adam Thank you, baby. I know you're just saying that, but thanks. What's up?

1:02:06 Caller Um, I'm terrified of gynecologists.

1:02:09 Drew Why?

1:02:09 Caller Because it just freaks me out. So, you know, there's someone looking at me.

1:02:14 Drew Why don't you not go to a gynecologist? Go to?

1:02:17 Caller Well, because my mom made me go one time. Uh-oh.

1:02:19 Drew How old were you?

1:02:20 Caller I was like 12 or 13. She made me go because I hadn't started my period yet and she was worried. So she made me go and I seriously didn't want to go. And she made me go and it was totally weird and uncomfortable.

1:02:33 Adam Who was the person?

1:02:35 Caller He was a guy. My mom's gynecologist.

1:02:38 Adam White guy?

1:02:40 Caller Yeah.

1:02:40 Adam No, you need an Asian guy.

1:02:43 Drew Female.

1:02:43 Adam A female Asian. You don't think of them as people?

1:02:47 Caller No, they are, but it's just so creepy.

1:02:50 Adam Yeah, but better to get an Asian female than a white guy.

1:02:52 Drew I worked with a nurse practitioner that used to specialize in dealing with exactly this problem. I would spend a lot of time talking to people and actually would kind of have the patient, believe it or not, participate in the insertion of the speculum and use mirrors so they could see exactly what's going on.

1:03:07 Adam Yeah, a couple of wine coolers, maybe one of those mirror balls.

1:03:10 Drew Would that make you feel any better?

1:03:12 Caller Well, no, it's just that someone's looking at me, you know? It's like...

1:03:15 Drew Just period. Even though you were in control of participating, that wouldn't help overcome some of that anxiety.

1:03:18 Caller Well, yeah, it's just so gross because, like, it's my body and, like, it's just so disgusting.

1:03:23 Drew Well, what if you needed an appendectomy?

1:03:25 Adam Well, wait a minute, what's disgusting?

1:03:27 Caller Well, just that someone's, like, looking at me, you know?

1:03:29 Adam Yeah.

1:03:29 Caller Because it's not like I go showing it to everybody.

1:03:32 Drew But what if you need an appendectomy? People are looking at a gross part of your body then, too?

1:03:36 Caller Well, yeah, but it's not the same.

1:03:38 Adam That's not your sex part. Yeah. What do you want someone, looking at your penis or your appendix, Drew, please?

1:03:44 Drew Yeah, but I'm just wondering what she considers gross. You know what I'm saying?

1:03:48 Adam She's a little freaked out. She's 15. She's a girl. Girls are a little freaky with this stuff. I'd be a little freaked out about it, too.

1:03:55 Drew If you were a girl.

1:03:56 Adam Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't want a guy. I wouldn't want anyone messing with my junk down there. Angela.

1:04:01 Caller Yeah.

1:04:02 Adam You find an Asian guy.

1:04:03 Caller Okay.

1:04:04 Adam Or an Asian woman.

1:04:05 Drew Take your time. Are you sexually active?

1:04:07 Caller No, not at all.

1:04:07 Drew So it's not, are you having a period now?

1:04:09 Caller No.

1:04:11 Drew Still no.

1:04:12 Caller Huh?

1:04:12 Drew Still no period.

1:04:13 Caller Well, yeah.

1:04:14 Caller Just not right now. No.

1:04:16 Drew You have periods. You're just not at this moment. Okay. All right. So there's no real medical issues going on right now. Maybe in a couple of years you won't be so quite so nervous about it.

1:04:25 Caller Okay. I was just wondering if that was normal.

1:04:26 Adam You're fine.

1:04:27 Drew It happens. Certainly.

1:04:28 Caller All right.

1:04:29 Adam Vietnamese will work.

1:04:30 Caller All right.

1:04:32 Adam Any one of those bizarre nationalities?

1:04:34 Caller Uh-huh.

1:04:35 Adam You know, you don't think about them? Uh-huh. You don't figure they're talking about you?

1:04:42 Caller Probably not.

1:04:42 Adam You know what I mean? That's what you need. Okay. Stay away from guys with jewelry.

1:04:48 Caller Okay.

1:04:49 Adam You understand?

1:04:49 Drew Of any ethnicity?

1:04:52 Adam Uh, stay away from Arab guys.

1:04:54 Caller Okay.

1:04:54 Adam Okay?

1:04:55 Drew Someone's complained to me when I was in Wisconsin. I let some ethnic stuff get by.

1:05:01 Adam Listen, different nationalities have different professions. That's what I'm saying.

1:05:06 Drew At this moment in history?

1:05:08 Adam Well, right now, yeah. Yeah. I don't know what it was like a million years ago, but I'll tell you right now, my daughter going to an Asian woman.

1:05:16 Drew For gynecology?

1:05:16 Adam Gynecology, right. You want to buy stereo? You go to the Israeli guy. You see what I'm saying? You need a cinder block wall built. Where do you go? That's right. You see, Drew, nothing wrong with that. You got the slurpy, slurpy. Yeah, you go Indian, of course.

1:05:40 Drew Jewelry.

1:05:41 Caller Jewelry.

1:05:42 Adam You go back. Well, jewelry.

1:05:44 Drew You, you, you What's right in the word.

1:05:45 Adam Can't spell jewelry without you. You go, you go, you go Jewel with the jewelry. That's strong. Israeli will work good for jewelry.

1:05:52 Drew Okay. Any other, do we leave any ethnicities here?

1:05:55 Adam You want to go, you go like a guy who's making, making your crowns, you know, dental technician type guy. It's going to make you some false teeth or something like that. Something's got to fit. Something's got to work. Go German. Oh yeah, sure. Good, precise precision group over there. You, you're throwing, you're throwing a bachelor party. You need a, you need a restaurant. You go Mexican. See what I'm saying? Back to the Mexicans.

1:06:20 Drew For food?

1:06:21 Adam They're then at a party over there. They throw a party. Yeah, that could work it all out for you. Stolen watch. Yeah. Stolen watch tough.

1:06:31 Caller Puerto Rican?

1:06:37 Adam Anderson, what are you trying for over here?

1:06:39 Adam All right.

1:06:40 Drew You're trying to, what is our picture doing up on the computer?

1:06:43 Adam Gynecologist, though. You go, you go, you go Asian woman.

1:06:47 Drew I can't hear.

1:06:48 Adam They're selling a picture of you and your Dodger outfit on eBay.

1:06:51 Drew Oh, my God.

1:06:52 Adam Nina? Yeah. You're 14. What's up?

1:06:58 Caller Well, I've been taking a lot of medications for about two months. And just yesterday, I, or it'd be the day before yesterday, whatever, I was having really bad side effects where I would just, from noon all the way till five the next morning, I was so dizzy and I had really bad double vision and I kept just like falling and I had to keep laying down.

1:07:23 Drew Was that from coming off one of the medicines or from taking the medicine?

1:07:26 Adam Oh, no.

1:07:26 Caller No, I was still taking. Nothing changed except I did start on...

1:07:32 Drew On Dylantin or something?

1:07:34 Caller I started on, I'm not sure what it's called.

1:07:37 Drew Tegretol?

1:07:37 Adam Do you get molested when you're six?

1:07:40 Caller When I was seven.

1:07:41 Adam Seven. You know, it's funny. Seven was the first number popped in my goddamn head.

1:07:45 Drew With that voice.

1:07:46 Adam I chipped it down an inch. I chipped it down one year for some unknown reason. Molested at seven?

1:07:52 Caller Yeah.

1:07:52 Adam That's what I heard.

1:07:54 Drew That voice.

1:07:55 Adam There's nothing on this screen, by the way, that says anything about molestation. Read what it says on the screen.

1:08:00 Drew Having bad effects from meds. What to do?

1:08:04 Adam That's what it says? No, it says bipolar.

1:08:06 Drew OCD, minor schizo.

1:08:08 Caller Not true.

1:08:08 Adam How about reading the goddamn thing into the mic? When are we going to fade off? Having bad effects.

1:08:14 Caller Yeah, I actually have another question after this one, but no, I wasn't coming off any.

1:08:18 Drew All right.

1:08:18 Adam So the molested.

1:08:19 Caller Yeah. My stepfather.

1:08:22 Adam Fantastic. At the age of seven, seven, right?

1:08:27 Caller For a little while. Yeah.

1:08:28 Drew Oh, just for a little while.

1:08:29 Adam How long?

1:08:29 Caller Until I was like 10.

1:08:33 Adam I see. Oh boy.

1:08:35 Drew Three insignificant years.

1:08:36 Adam Where's he now?

1:08:37 Caller He's down the street. We don't see him anymore.

1:08:41 Drew Why is he in jail?

1:08:43 Caller Because I didn't tell my mom until a while, and then she wouldn't believe me, and she just stayed with him for a long time. And then I would, I didn't like seeing him, so she would just like leave me alone for days at a time.

1:08:55 Caller Oh, baby.

1:08:57 Drew But even now, there's no statute on this. Why is he in jail now?

1:09:01 Caller Well, I don't know.

1:09:02 Drew Have you told your psychiatrist?

1:09:05 Caller Yeah, she knows, but they just...

1:09:08 Adam Huh?

1:09:09 Caller She knows, my psychiatrist knows, but they just aren't working on it, I guess.

1:09:14 Caller All right, all right.

1:09:15 Caller But...

1:09:16 Adam Well, she's probably molesting someone else.

1:09:18 Drew Were you starting on some anti-epileptic medicine, like Taggartol or Dianat and something like that?

1:09:22 Caller Oh, no, I was already on Taggartol.

1:09:24 Drew All right, well, that causes dizziness when its levels get real high.

1:09:28 Caller Well, yeah, but I've been taking it for two months. I'm taking Taggartol, Luvox.

1:09:33 Adam Hold on, Nia, I got a fart coming up.

1:09:35 Adam I know it's important, but I mean, this is...

1:09:41 Adam Oh, boy.

1:09:43 Drew Why the flurry of activity?

1:09:45 Adam I have no idea.

1:09:47 Adam It's called serendipity. You don't question it, Drew.

1:09:50 Drew It's a blessing.

1:09:52 Adam That's right. Nina, I'm sorry for the gas.

1:09:55 Drew Tegretol, Luvox.

1:09:57 Caller Luvox, Sonata, Seraclue, and Wellbutrin. And right now I'm taking something. I'm not sure what it's called because I have a urinary tract infection because I don't drink any water ever.

1:10:10 Drew So maybe they add an addition of the neroxin to the Cipro, whatever you're taking. Why don't you drink water? Elevate your Tegretol.

1:10:16 Adam Hold on. Why don't you drink water?

1:10:18 Caller I don't know. I just I don't like how it tastes. I just...

1:10:21 Adam Yeah.

1:10:22 Caller Yeah.

1:10:22 Drew Yeah.

1:10:22 Adam It's an acquired taste of water. It takes a little getting used to.

1:10:26 Drew So the reason you're dizzy is the interaction between possibly the Tegretol and your antibiotic.

1:10:31 Adam It's like chicken, you know?

1:10:32 Drew You understand?

1:10:32 Caller Yeah. That's what I was thinking. Okay.

1:10:34 Drew That's it.

1:10:35 Adam All right. Hey, Nina.

1:10:36 Caller Um, I have more questions.

1:10:38 Adam Quiet up. I got some plans for you, baby.

1:10:41 Caller Okay.

1:10:42 Adam First off, you start drinking water.

1:10:44 Caller Okay.

1:10:45 Adam Secondly, you stay away from boys.

1:10:48 Caller Yeah. I want to do that because I just got, um, this is my other question. Um, okay. I, I was, um, on the Internet and this guy messaged me and he was like, oh, I really liked your website because I work with computers and stuff like that. And so I was like, oh, thanks. And we just started talking and he happened to live in the same state or the same town as me. And he was 26. And, um, and so then like he would always like ask me to come. And then after a week, what happened? Okay. Finally, after three weeks, I went out with him and I, he said we're just going to go see a movie. And I, I don't know why I trusted him when he's six foot five and he's a boxer and I'm four ten and I'm really tiny.

1:11:38 Adam He raped you. Did he rape you or not?

1:11:42 Caller He orally raped me.

1:11:44 Adam Okay.

1:11:44 Adam Well, that's not right.

1:11:45 Caller But he made me like, like touch him and do all this stuff. I'm really shy.

1:11:52 Adam Okay.

1:11:53 Adam Listen to me, Nina. Before my ass speaks again, you've been through hell. You're trying to take care of yourself, but you're going to have some real bad tendencies. You're going to make some bad decisions.

1:12:07 Drew With men.

1:12:08 Adam You're going to be going out with 26-year-old guys. They're going to orally rape you.

1:12:11 Drew That you meet on the web.

1:12:12 Adam That you meet on the website. No more of that screwball.

1:12:16 Caller Okay.

1:12:16 Adam Do you hear me?

1:12:17 Caller Yes.

1:12:18 Adam Now listen. Here's what happened. Somebody entered your life when you were way too young and made your life bad. Now you're going to make your life bad without any help from him. Don't do that. Don't go on autopilot.

1:12:32 Caller Well.

1:12:33 Adam Don't be a victim your whole life.

1:12:35 Caller What we did was, my mom has detectives. He's in jail right now and my mom has like all these detectives. She wants to keep them there for like a long time. And the guy that did that to me, because like he came on me and stuff. And so what they did was they took me in and they had like, they didn't like the swap, they like where I put my legs up. And then they took a urine sample and like just some stuff like that. I want to know if there's any other precautions I should take or any other things I should do.

1:13:08 Adam Well, listen, I'm sure they took care of what they needed to take care of. Nina, that's it for you. No more screwing around on the Internet. You be careful and don't get pregnant. Don't get pregnant.

1:13:21 Caller Okay.

1:13:21 Adam You're 14. I want you to wait at least a year and a half before you get pregnant.

1:13:25 Caller I don't want kids.

1:13:27 Adam Good. Kids are horrible. All they do, you know what they do? They tug on your apron strings and they want food.

1:13:33 Caller Yeah.

1:13:34 Adam It's no good. Thank God my parents never fell for that trick. All right, Nina. Okay. Take care of yourself, baby. Please, please. I'd like to take this mom and I'd like to dump honey on her roller and coconut in the eater. All I can think about is eating and farting tonight. I eat her like a big bitch bond. Put ice cream on her freezer, pour chocolate on her, and eat her up like a big bitch bond. Crazy bitch. Bringing home the goddamn molesting stepdad. Yeah, go ahead and f my six, seven-year-old. Have at it. Yeah, good three years. Don't worry. I won't know what's going on.

1:14:16 Drew Guess what?

1:14:17 Adam Yeah, well, good. I'm glad she got molested. Not this one, her mom. I know dad did something weird to her. Grandpa did something weird to her. But Jesus Christ, still makes you a criminal. Yep, yep. And this guy, I have his nuts cut off. Ruining everyone's life. You bang around with this seven-year-old, and seven years later, she's on a date with the 26-year-old guy from the internet. Listen, you scum bags out there. Jesus Christ, what must it be like to be you? And don't you got to look in the mirror in the morning? What's it feel like? Do you know what I mean? You should just go kill yourself. Have some dignity. All you guys out there that are praying on the internet, want to, you know, check off on some 14-year-old chick who got molested, just kill yourself. Just kill yourself. Let's make it easy on everybody. Give, give, have, salvage your last shred of dignity. Go get a gun, put it in your mouth, blow your head off. Save your family a little grief, too, and the court system and society and everything. Just take your life. Please make things easy. You guys that are turned on by your five-year-old nephew, just jack yourself. Put a gun in your mouth and blow your head off. It's never gonna get better. Just kill yourself. Be a lot better.

1:15:37 Adam All right.

1:15:38 Drew Are you done?

1:15:39 Adam I'm thinking about breaking in some more wind.

1:15:41 Adam All right.

1:15:41 Adam I'm gonna take a little break. Let's see if I can work something up and we'll be back. Hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Druski over there. Phone number 1-800-LEV-191, Natalie Rotano from VIP. It's going to be on Toronto. She's done the show quite a few times.

1:16:27 Drew Maybe you should bring your best friend in.

1:16:30 Adam Oh, you're talking about...

1:16:31 Drew Your girl.

1:16:33 Adam Yeah. Molly. Molly Culver. You know, I remember Molly Culver's name, the redhead from VIP. She looks like Molly. Doesn't she look like Molly?

1:16:45 Caller Yeah.

1:16:46 Adam What is that? Is it a Molly Ringwald thing? What is about that sort of auburn hair and whatever that... She looks like Molly. She's easy to remember.

1:16:55 Drew It's a strange name.

1:16:57 Adam There's a lot of Molly's.

1:16:58 Drew It's a popular name.

1:17:00 Adam It's easy to remember people's names when they look like that name. I ran into her at a Home Depot. No. Yeah. I'm very hot. I like that. Isn't her dad like a jet pilot or something?

1:17:15 Drew Air Force pilot.

1:17:16 Adam Dynamite.

1:17:17 Adam I like that. I like that auburn hair thing. It's nice.

1:17:21 Drew Why don't you ask her out?

1:17:22 Adam Very attractive woman. She's got a boyfriend. She's got some kind of model boyfriend or something.

1:17:29 Caller Annie?

1:17:30 Caller Uh-huh.

1:17:30 Adam You're 35.

1:17:32 Caller Yes.

1:17:32 Adam What's up?

1:17:33 Caller Well, I have a question for you. The question is, is it against the law for a father to have nude pictures of his daughter?

1:17:41 Adam Oh, quite the contrary. It's encouraging. Nude?

1:17:45 Drew Nude? What do you mean?

1:17:46 Caller Okay. My husband has nude pictures of his daughter when she was about 12, and she's in the shower and then she's sitting on the toilet. There's probably like 10 of them.

1:17:59 Adam Oh, where did you find these?

1:18:02 Caller In his pictures.

1:18:04 Adam I see in his pictures.

1:18:05 Caller You know, his family pictures.

1:18:07 Adam Are you saying he's keeping his pictures with his pictures now?

1:18:11 Caller Pardon me?

1:18:12 Adam You crafty son of a bitch.

1:18:14 Drew She's 12 years old?

1:18:16 Caller Well, she's 15 now. The pictures were taken when she was 12, and I was wondering if-

1:18:21 Adam You're saying she's aged since the pictures?

1:18:23 Drew I don't know that it's illegal. I just know that it's a bizarre boundary violation.

1:18:30 Adam Annie, what I'm asking is, did he seem to be trying to hide these at all?

1:18:35 Caller No, no, not at all.

1:18:37 Drew Does he think it's funny or something?

1:18:39 Caller What's really odd is when I first met him, which was a couple of years ago, she slept with him. Who?

1:18:47 Adam His daughter.

1:18:48 Caller His daughter, and she impeded on sleeping with us, and I thought it was a jealousy thing, because she was jealous because there was somebody around getting attention from her dad. But then she's done bizarre things like showing her body, and then he does bizarre things too. Like what? Like he comes, he did this like a month or two ago. He put a G-string on and he went out and he, he looked at me before he went out and he told me he was gonna go show his daughter. And then I looked down the hall to see what he was doing. And then he bent over and showed his crack of his, you know, showed his ass to her. And I was just, I got a girlfriend and she swears that the electric complex is going on in my situation. And I was just-

1:19:35 Adam What complex?

1:19:36 Caller The electric complex.

1:19:39 Drew Do you have the electric complex?

1:19:40 Caller No, no, I don't. No, that, that's happening.

1:19:45 Drew Look, this is-

1:19:45 Caller My husband and his daughter.

1:19:47 Drew Look, you don't have to, it doesn't have to qualify as some specific syndrome. It's bizarre, it's inappropriate, there's profound boundary violation and there may be very serious abuse.

1:19:58 Adam Thank God you married this chap.

1:20:00 Caller Well, the thing is, is the, you know, the electric complex, it's a strong sexual attraction between father and a daughter.

1:20:06 Adam Oh, okay, all right. Well, then if he's got that, what are you gonna do? That's a disease.

1:20:10 Caller They both act like they both have towards each other.

1:20:13 Adam Hold on, let me talk to you, Drew. What's that electric complex?

1:20:16 Drew It's nothing. It's just-

1:20:18 Adam What is it?

1:20:18 Drew It's father, daughter, it's what we talk about every night, sexual abuse. It's, you know, it's just-

1:20:25 Adam Is it like edible complex for guys?

1:20:27 Drew Yeah, kind of.

1:20:27 Adam And mom, is it the, where does it come from?

1:20:29 Drew Yeah, it doesn't apply. It's not something people talk about.

1:20:33 Adam It's not in Greek mythology or something?

1:20:34 Drew Yeah, Electra was a, was another Sophocles play, wasn't it?

1:20:39 Adam All right, so that's what it is.

1:20:40 Drew Yeah.

1:20:40 Adam Well, I'm just trying to, trying to get a little education here. As you know, I didn't study the classic literature. Now hold on, I got a fart here.

1:20:50 Drew You won't quit.

1:20:53 Adam All right, here's the deal. This guy, this guy scares me. This guy's a serious piece of work.

1:21:00 Drew This is not, this is not, let me-

1:21:02 Adam No, I'm yelling at Ann.

1:21:03 Drew Let me-

1:21:03 Adam How dare you try to yell? No, I'm yelling at her first. Listen here, nut job. I don't give a good goddamn what he calls it and stop clinging to the name. He and his daughter are having a bizarre relationship. Don't make it this 50-50 thing. He went and screwed his daughter up because he's a whack job. Now his daughter, whatever she-

1:21:27 Caller He's been strung out on speed.

1:21:28 Drew He is?

1:21:29 Caller Yeah, he's been strung out on, I've been told by his ex-wife, which is his daughter's mother, that he's been doing speed for about 20 years.

1:21:37 Adam And, couldn't you, yeah. How about you, couldn't you just married a goat and been better off?

1:21:44 Caller Totally.

1:21:45 Adam And why do you marry this speed act with this, the crazy, what's up with you?

1:21:49 Caller Well, he hit it and I didn't know it.

1:21:52 Adam Oh, you didn't know nothing. What do you walk around with earplugs in a blindfold like Tommy?

1:21:57 Drew No. You don't understand how people work. Your dad is an alcoholic or an addict or something, right?

1:22:04 Caller My dad?

1:22:04 Drew Yeah.

1:22:05 Caller No.

1:22:05 Drew Or mom, somebody, somewhere.

1:22:07 Adam Something. What happened to you, baby?

1:22:10 Caller No. Just got, I was getting...

1:22:13 Adam What about you? What set you up for this?

1:22:17 Caller Stupidity, I guess.

1:22:18 Adam No. Where's your dad? What's he do?

1:22:23 Caller He's a normal person, as far as I know.

1:22:26 Adam Really?

1:22:27 Adam Not an alcoholic?

1:22:28 Drew Has to be.

1:22:29 Caller No. No.

1:22:30 Adam What's he do? Drive a truck?

1:22:32 Caller No.

1:22:32 Adam What's he do?

1:22:34 Caller Hold insurance.

1:22:35 Caller Ah-ha.

1:22:36 Drew How about your mom?

1:22:37 Caller That's gotta be it.

1:22:38 Adam What about your mom?

1:22:39 Caller She was a nurse.

1:22:41 Adam What do you, ex-junkie yourself?

1:22:43 Caller No. No.

1:22:45 Adam Not recovering?

1:22:45 Caller Absolutely. No. When I was younger, I tried it from time to time and I never liked it.

1:22:50 Adam Ah-ha.

1:22:50 Caller So I stayed away from it.

1:22:51 Adam All right.

1:22:52 Drew From what?

1:22:53 Adam No, shut up. That's ain't the right path. Maybe you're just dumb or desperate or fat or something. I mean, what, why did you marry this guy?

1:23:01 Caller Well, because honestly, he was the biggest liar I ever met, but during the time that he was doing everything, I didn't, I just got caught up in it.

1:23:10 Adam All right. Now, what's up with you? Are you a hundred pounds overweight?

1:23:13 Caller No.

1:23:14 Adam Desperate?

1:23:16 Caller No.

1:23:16 Adam Your teeth all left up. What's going on? Why, why are you so desperate? You marry a guy like this.

1:23:21 Caller I didn't know he was like that.

1:23:22 Caller No, you should have known.

1:23:24 Caller I really thought that it was all innocent.

1:23:26 Adam All right. Do you have any kids yourself?

1:23:29 Caller No.

1:23:30 Adam What happened to them?

1:23:31 Caller What happened to who?

1:23:33 Adam Your kids.

1:23:34 Caller I don't have any.

1:23:34 Adam Never did?

1:23:35 Caller No, never did.

1:23:36 Adam Good girl.

1:23:37 Caller Thank you.

1:23:38 Adam All right.

1:23:38 Drew Look, you have somebody with explicit severe medical psychiatric disease here. To begin- Do I go to the bar? Listen to him. Just shut up for a second. Oh my God. It drives me crazy. To hypothesize about nuances of subconscious activity such as the electrocomplex at one time referred to is absolutely absurd. You have a profound amphetamine addict who is behaving in totally inappropriate manner around his daughter. You've got to protect that child. You should call Child Protective Services. He needs to be busted or brought to bear in some way to get him into treatment because this ain't never going to stop unless he gets some help with the speed addiction. That is number one. Nothing else is going to change if his addiction isn't treated.

1:24:23 Caller Well, you know, I called and they told me that I needed proof. And then that's when I decided to call you guys because the only thing that I knew would be any kind of proof would be the picture.

1:24:33 Adam Oh, good. Use those pictures and you tell him he's off speed or you're out of there.

1:24:38 Caller Oh, I'm already out of there, guys.

1:24:40 Adam Oh, you are?

1:24:41 Caller Yeah. Good girl.

1:24:42 Adam Fantabulous.

1:24:43 Caller Yeah, three weeks.

1:24:44 Adam Oh, what do you care then?

1:24:45 Drew Maybe go to some Alanon meetings because you're going to need little guides.

1:24:47 Caller Well, he's stalking me and stuff. That's kind of why I'm...

1:24:50 Adam I see.

1:24:51 Drew Go to Alanon.

1:24:52 Adam Call the cops. I mean...

1:24:54 Drew Ace, people on speed get violent. They really do.

1:24:58 Adam Be very careful. Bust him. This guy's a danger to you, himself and his daughter. I mean, he's putting on a thong back and giving his girlfriend, I mean, giving his daughter a winger.

1:25:11 Adam Jesus Christ. What's up with these? Please.

1:25:15 Adam Listen, I said before, I said, well, kill yourself. Kill yourself and have some dignity, you guys. Please. Kill yourself. You're sleeping with your daughter, taking pictures of her, getting in a thong back. Just kill yourself. Do it. What are you going to do, invent something? You're not doing anything. You're just using up space. You're not important like me. I'm flying this model airplanes. I'm working on my garage. I'm doing things. You see what I'm saying, Drew? Doing a lot of things. Where was I today? Went down to Marina Del Rey to talk to a guy who made motors for model airplanes. Very important. Doing God's work. But not you people. You people are doing nothing. You're hogging all the drugs. You watch TV. You get loaded and you screw with your daughter. Just kill yourself. You're not going to do anything. It's all right. Not everyone was here. Not everyone's here to do something. Right, Drew? Thank you. All right. We're going to take a little break. Also, I got a fart in the microphone. It's another reason I'm here.

1:26:16 Caller Don't you ever stop talking.

1:26:19 Drew Thank you.

1:26:22 Adam Was that Norm MacDonald?

1:26:23 Caller From what?

1:26:26 Adam Oh, okay.

1:26:27 Adam When we come back, we'll speak to Aaron. He's 17, abusive toward girlfriend, but wants to stop. He wants to know what depression can cause after this.

1:26:39 Caller Hello?

1:26:40 Caller This is Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191. Loveline will be right back.

1:26:52 Caller You're listening to Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio. 100.7 The Buzz. It's Loveline.

1:27:06 Adam My ass is kind of hurting now, girl.

1:27:08 Drew I think I hurt it.

1:27:11 Adam Dammit.

1:27:12 Adam You see, I leave it all in the studio, buddy. I give it all for the show. I love the kids that much. Aaron?

1:27:20 Caller Whatever.

1:27:21 Adam You're 17. What's up?

1:27:22 Caller Um, I have a question. I've been told I went to counseling and I was told that I had depression and I haven't had that treated yet. But then I've noticed with my girlfriend I get like really like verbally abusive and sometimes physically. And I want to know if my depression has anything to do with that.

1:27:40 Drew Well, sure. Depression makes you irritable. Sometimes aggressive.

1:27:44 Adam Sometimes physically abusive.

1:27:46 Drew Yeah.

1:27:47 Caller One time.

1:27:47 Drew One time. It doesn't make somebody an abuser though.

1:27:50 Caller I mean, because before with all my other girlfriends, I've just never liked this.

1:27:54 Drew Yeah, but you've got that in you.

1:27:55 Adam Well, hold on a second. I'm certainly going to get it in you. I got something coming up here. It's out of me now. Is this the greatest country in the world?

1:28:11 Drew What, you mean we can have a job sitting on the microphone and farting?

1:28:13 Adam Just breaking wind into a microphone. Aaron?

1:28:16 Caller Yeah?

1:28:16 Adam Did you hear that one?

1:28:17 Caller Yep.

1:28:18 Adam Yeah, it was a big one, huh?

1:28:19 Caller That was a good one.

1:28:19 Adam Yeah, when you get a little older, you'll be able to fart like that, too.

1:28:22 Caller I already can.

1:28:23 Adam Oh, really?

1:28:24 Caller I got you beat.

1:28:25 Adam Son of a bitch. Why do you always brag, man? Why is it every time I let a good fart, you gotta call on this show and tell me about your ass? I know, what did you do to this girl? What was the worst you've done physically?

1:28:37 Caller Physically? One time we were at my house, we were fighting and she made me mad and she was standing by my bed and I was just really mad and I kicked both of her legs and almost like breaking them.

1:28:47 Adam You kicked them?

1:28:48 Caller Yeah.

1:28:49 Adam It's a weird impulse to kick a girl, isn't it?

1:28:52 Caller I know.

1:28:53 Adam Well, I mean, what I mean is, is, you know, guys get pissed, they haul off and whack them on, but kicking is kind of a weird...

1:28:59 Caller Well, it's because I was like on the floor, she put me...

1:29:02 Adam Oh, I see. Well, you're on the floor.

1:29:03 Caller And my feet were just the first thing that flew out.

1:29:06 Adam I see. All right. So, Aaron, you're in counseling?

1:29:09 Caller Well, I was and then my counselor moved to his own place and I couldn't afford to go there.

1:29:15 Adam I see.

1:29:15 Caller So I called like last week to get help. Good. So, but then also I've noticed when she like wants to leave, I get like suicidal.

1:29:24 Adam Yeah. All right. You got a lot of energy, baby. You got that 17 year old dude energy. Yeah.

1:29:29 Drew Yeah. But these two are bad together. This is not good.

1:29:32 Adam She's a handful too, though, right? Yeah, sometimes. Yeah. Maybe you two, you know, you two may drive each other a little crazy. You need a Labrador, not a Chihuahua. You need something a little mellow. You sit around and watch TV with.

1:29:47 Caller I mean, could my depression though be for my dad and like never be in there?

1:29:50 Adam Now could all be from something. But who cares where it's from?

1:29:54 Drew The point is, you got to contain.

1:29:56 Adam You got to deal with it. You better think seriously about this relationship, though. And you two may be a bad fit.

1:30:02 Caller Well, I mean, we're fine.

1:30:04 Adam But then, you know, but then then the weekend comes around.

1:30:07 Caller Well, it's tough. Like certain.

1:30:09 Caller I have a bad temper, too. Yeah. All right. One thing. And like all of a sudden, I get mad. All right. I like pounded on her car.

1:30:16 Adam And no, yeah. God knows what you're doing to her car.

1:30:19 Caller Yeah. Aaron. Yeah.

1:30:20 Adam You need to you need to take a breath here, buddy.

1:30:23 Drew You do drugs?

1:30:24 Caller No.

1:30:24 Adam How about you start smoking pot?

1:30:26 Caller No. I've done that before, but yeah, I quit.

1:30:29 Adam Doesn't work. See all the guys with the bad tempers quit. They should be smoking weed.

1:30:32 Drew You recently stopped smoking?

1:30:34 Caller Um, no, I smoked my first one here in high school.

1:30:37 Drew That was it.

1:30:38 Caller Yeah. I did it for like about a month and I quit. Okay.

1:30:40 Adam Yeah. Too bad. Be like, they'd be nice and docile like Cypress Hill. Those guys used to be angry and then they smoked enough weed and now they're mellow. They kiss us every time they come in here. Hey Aaron.

1:30:53 Adam Yeah.

1:30:54 Adam Get back with some counseling. I'm going to. Open the phone book, get one of those anger management groups or something. Figure something out, but please don't take it out on her or Carsey. It's going to lead to trouble for him. Somebody is going to kick your ass.

1:31:08 Drew In California, that's a serious offense right now.

1:31:10 Adam Yeah. OJ ruined it for all of us abusers, you know. They got all that publicity. Now all of a sudden, it's a bad thing to slap around your bitch. And it's like, yeah, yeah, well, it's a bad, bad thing to slap some bitch around. And whereas before, you know, it's kind of chic, kind of in vogue and all the athletes were doing it. Guys were doing it. You know, man, we're just talking about, hey, you just slap your bitch. Yeah, hell yeah. Slap yours. You know what I'm saying? Sitting out there, sitting on the, sitting on a pile of two by fours. Talking about slamming them bitches. And then all of a sudden, OJ, he gets popped. And now it's like ruin for all of us. Oh no, you can't slap a bitch anymore.

1:31:50 Drew All right, let's keep moving.

1:31:53 Adam It's like, all of a sudden it's like taboo.

1:31:55 Drew Here we go.

1:31:55 Adam You know what I mean? It's like, hey, give your bitch a black guy. Yeah, whatever. Oh, so I'm a bad guy now? I was a hero a few months ago. Then this goddamn OJ trial comes around, pow. All of a sudden I'm like some kind of thug. Just cause, you know, I know I got the upper hand physically, I exercise it a little, nothing wrong with that. Oh, no, no, no. Now you gotta go to classes. You gotta talk to someone about it. Thanks a lot, OJ. It's not him killing the people that bothers me. It's this whole thing, you know? He's ruining the bitch-slapping for me. That's all I'm saying.

1:32:30 Drew Nice.

1:32:30 Adam And now everyone's gotta call the cops and report it. I gotta go to anger management classes and a bunch of groups for everyone to talk about their bitch-slapping with.

1:32:42 Drew Here we go.

1:32:42 Adam You know what I'm saying?

1:32:43 Drew Move right along.

1:32:45 Adam And then what about my kids? My kid gonna grow up in a world where he can't slap his bitch? Yeah, I think so. You know why? OJ. Okay. OJ.

1:32:53 Caller Don't you ever stop talking!

1:32:56 Adam Yeah. You know what I'm gonna say to my kid when he slaps his first bitch and he gets arrested? Yeah. Thank OJ. Thank OJ. You ruined it for all of us. Craig. Hi there. 33, what's up?

1:33:10 Caller Hey, Adam, listening to you talk about the child molesters taking guns and shooting themselves, by your logic, wouldn't you have to do that? Because you benefit from the results of it with your pornography addiction.

1:33:26 Adam From, oh, you mean the sort of byproduct of these girls that were molested?

1:33:31 Drew Craig, you're thinking.

1:33:32 Adam Good point. I like to think when I'm masturbating to the images of these women who are probably molested, I keep my fingers crossed that I think they're raped at 18.

1:33:44 Drew Wouldn't have done this to them. Wouldn't turn them into pornos, Queens.

1:33:47 Adam Yeah. But no, you know what I think of their dad is physically abusive alcoholics or not sexually abusing them. That's right. Again, sexual abuse, nothing OJ ruined for me. Craig?

1:33:59 Caller My question was, I remember MDMA from like the early nineties and stuff. Is that the same thing as ecstasy?

1:34:05 Adam Yeah.

1:34:06 Caller And I know it was made illegal, but it's schedule three, so no therapeutic value, right?

1:34:12 Caller Correct.

1:34:14 Caller What's your opinion on that? Is there no value at all with it?

1:34:18 Drew Well, whether or not there's any value, it doesn't come anywhere near the risks. So it's just not worth it. Night ahead of the National Drug Abuse, it's going out on a major campaign against this drug right now because it's so clear how profoundly damaging the system is.

1:34:33 Adam If something happens to him, you may be next, Drew. You may take his spot. You're being groomed for that spot, aren't you?

1:34:38 Drew No.

1:34:39 Adam Kevin?

1:34:40 Caller Yeah.

1:34:40 Adam Your girlfriend's a virgin?

1:34:41 Caller Yeah.

1:34:42 Adam And you want to have sex with her?

1:34:45 Caller Well, dude, that's a problem, man, because we've been dating for a little over six months and things. You know, the whole male libido kicks in and we start fooling around. Next thing you know.

1:34:58 Adam You're the guy, right? Yeah. And do you get any oral sex?

1:35:02 Caller No, nothing, dude.

1:35:03 Adam Nothing. How much fooling around do you do?

1:35:06 Caller Your usual groping and kissing and things like that.

1:35:12 Adam You want to get married?

1:35:13 Caller Yeah.

1:35:13 Adam All right.

1:35:14 Caller Hurry. Yep, that's it.

1:35:44 Adam Natalie Ritano in here from VIT. Tomorrow night, she's the one with the kind of Latino looking on those.

1:35:53 Adam She's probably Italian.

1:35:55 Adam Get to the bottom of that short hair. Very sassy, this one. Looks like she'll break your penis right off. All right, I will bring my ass tomorrow night and see what happens. And until next time, this Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew was saying, Mahalo. Now all of a sudden, it's a bad thing to slap around in your badge.

1:36:13 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, December 6, 2000