Episode 1000754886960

1:00 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:04 Go!

1:06 Voiceover Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:12 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified internist and addiction medicine specialist. Yes, thank you, Drew. That's the microphone. David Alan Grier is our guest tonight.

1:31 What's up, fellas?

1:32 David Alan Grier I'm here to save the baby!

1:35 David Alan Grier How you doing, Dr. Drew?

1:37 David Alan Grier You know, you guys have been saying some disparaging things about old Davy G. No, just the fact that first of all, I've been up for four days running, and you know how, Dr. Drew, sometimes you talk so fast, but you're like your thoughts. You can't catch up to them. I was roller skating in the parking lot for about 14 hours, and apparently to some people that's like a manic episode, which is crazy. I just love life. So why should I be not for that?

2:03 Adam Yeah, Drew, stuff coming down on David.

2:05 David Alan Grier Yeah.

2:06 Adam David is going to be at the Irvine Improv, at the Irvine Spectrum, which is-

2:11 Drew I think I said hypomanic.

2:12 David Alan Grier Oh, I'm sorry. Is that better?

2:16 Drew Irvine Improv.

2:17 David Alan Grier Irvine Improv, and feel free to bring those quintuplets, those beautiful triplets that you have.

2:24 Drew Well, this will be a G-rated material?

2:26 David Alan Grier Absolutely not, but the kids got to grow up. You know what I'm saying?

2:29 Adam What about-

2:29 David Alan Grier How old are they? How old are they now?

2:30 Adam They're eight. That's old enough.

2:32 Drew They've got cable. They've taken up watching Living Color. Oh boy. They'll freak out. Oh boy.

2:37 David Alan Grier What a loose household you have there, Dr. Drew.

2:39 Drew No, that's what I thought. I was like, no, I'm sorry for them.

2:42 David Alan Grier I think the hardest thing you have to explain is the hairstyles and the fashion.

2:47 The dancing.

2:48 David Alan Grier It's really, really old.

2:49 Adam What year was in Living Color?

2:51 David Alan Grier 1967, it started with the Brady Bunch.

2:55 Drew Just after Laugh-In was lead in.

2:57 David Alan Grier Yeah, it was really hip.

2:58 Adam Remember? I remember it got bumped by Wagon Train and then you guys jumped over to Fox, I think.

3:06 David Alan Grier Then I left to do the Waltons.

3:07 Drew There was no Fox. What are you talking about?

3:09 Adam Oh, there wasn't.

3:10 David Alan Grier I was on the Waltons for two years. I was the runaway slave.

3:14 Adam Timbuk.

3:16 David Alan Grier Can I live with y'all?

3:19 David Alan Grier It was 1990s when we went on the air.

3:21 Adam 1990. What did it go on? Four years?

3:24 David Alan Grier Four beautiful years of peace, love, and laughter.

3:29 That really pleases my homosexual palate.

3:32 Adam It's old Jimmy. It's a funny show. And I think it's a show that maybe even appreciated more in syndication than it was when it was on. And I don't mean that in a bad way.

3:45 David Alan Grier No, you're good. That's a good point. Because sometimes you watch those old laugh ins. I mean, the old SNLs, like Paul Simon hosting as a turkey. And you're like, wow, this is not holding up well.

3:57 Adam Even, I don't want to be struck down by any lighting, but SCTV, if you go and catch a few of those, there's a few misses in there.

4:06 David Alan Grier Yeah, well, they did so much.

4:09 Adam Right.

4:09 David Alan Grier It seems like SCTV was on forever. And they actually aren't, don't they still show them now instead of later, later, the latest show?

4:18 Adam Yeah, I think they're on some network at like 130, but you got to stay up long enough to catch it.

4:23 David Alan Grier So Dr. Drew, I got some questions for you. Dude, what's that? I got an important question, Dr. Drew. What's the number one cause of hemorrhage in America? Is it stress or is it?

4:32 Drew Or is it anal sex?

4:33 David Alan Grier Yeah, you know what I'm talking about, the grapes.

4:35 Drew No, it's the genes, genetics.

4:37 David Alan Grier Genetics?

4:38 Drew And not enough bulk in your diet.

4:39 David Alan Grier Are you kidding me?

4:41 Adam What, is it not enough bulk in your diet and that you're pushing too hard?

4:45 Drew Or too much bulk, and maybe you don't.

4:48 David Alan Grier Do you hear what I said, Adam?

4:49 Drew That's good.

4:49 David Alan Grier Too much bulk pushing in, Dr. Drew. Yahoo!

4:52 Adam Let me write that down.

4:53 David Alan Grier Too much bulk. Ah, sometimes old mama bear likes pop it up, bang on the back door. You know what I'm saying? My honey bunny says, hey, if you don't have the key, break a window. Let yourself in. Put that out of the loop, please.

5:07 Ah, to be alive, kids.

5:09 Adam It's great to be alive, isn't it?

5:11 David Alan Grier It's great to be here. You know, I love Loveline.

5:13 Adam Do you?

5:13 David Alan Grier And I love the radio show much better than that television show ever was, because here's where you do the real healing.

5:19 Adam That's right.

5:20 David Alan Grier You get the real sick calls. First of all, to whoever's listening, we don't want any fakers.

5:25 Adam That's right.

5:25 David Alan Grier We want the real sickos tonight because Dr. Davies hung his shingle out.

5:31 Adam And Dave, when can we get together and do a little more boxing training?

5:35 David Alan Grier You know what? I am on the road through August and I will call you up because you did leave that invitation open and I miss it. I miss it. I like the training.

5:43 Drew How come you don't hang out in my house ever?

5:45 Adam You don't have anything to offer.

5:46 David Alan Grier First of all, you have kids. Kids, you know.

5:51 Adam Freaks him out.

5:52 David Alan Grier I have dogs and that freaks me out. Really? No.

5:55 Adam Are you guys ready to take some calls?

5:57 David Alan Grier Let's take some calls. Let's heal some babies.

6:01 David Alan Grier Dr. Drew. Hey, Dr. Drew. Is Xanax addictive?

6:05 Drew Profoundly.

6:05 Adam Yeah.

6:06 David Alan Grier Are you kidding me?

6:07 Adam Profoundly?

6:09 David Alan Grier I read it on the Internet. Say I'm just saying hypothetically, you pop a couple 1.0s, nice glass of Pordeaux. You pop a couple of those, you know, pop on your favorite little TV show, that's addictive.

6:23 Adam Drew, what happened to your microphone?

6:26 Drew Not a single exposure, but it is a very addictive drug if you have the gene for addiction.

6:30 Adam What's it help you do? Unwind?

6:31 David Alan Grier No, here's what I want to know. If any person does heroin, just listen to me, for like more than 7 days straight, they will be physically addicted.

6:40 Drew They will be physically dependent.

6:41 David Alan Grier Right.

6:41 Drew But they won't be an addict unless they have the gene.

6:45 Adam But what is the difference between physically dependent and an addict?

6:48 Drew Dependent means you'll have, like people, we have surgical complications, we make them dependent on morphine. It takes so much morphine after the surgery, they get addicted. When time to stop, they go through withdrawal for three days, they walk away, they don't think about it again. An addict is thinking about it when they leave, obsessing about driving.

7:05 David Alan Grier Stop right there. I just want to know, is it a, what do they call it, a class B or whatever?

7:12 Drew It's not a triplicate, it's not a triplicate, but in New York state it is, not in California.

7:17 David Alan Grier How can it not be in California?

7:18 Drew Because they haven't, it's just not.

7:20 Adam What is Xanax good for? Help you relax and go to bed?

7:23 Drew Anxiety.

7:25 Adam Let me try one of them, Drew.

7:26 Drew This may be the sort of manic outburst you're having, maybe is Xanax withdrawal. Maybe you're not actually bipolar.

7:32 David Alan Grier I'm not, and I hate that term bipolar.

7:35 David Alan Grier It's wacko.

7:36 David Alan Grier Bipolar, my butt cheeks.

7:38 David Alan Grier Who invented this bipolar? It's manic depressive. I hate it.

7:43 David Alan Grier Everybody wants a gentler term.

7:44 David Alan Grier You're nuts.

7:45 Adam That's right. Thank you, David.

7:47 David Alan Grier Bipolar. That's like bipolar. No, I don't believe that. Listen, tell the people, I'm really, I'm just a nice guy.

7:53 David Alan Grier I'm normal.

7:53 Drew You're a nice guy and you're hypomanic.

7:55 David Alan Grier I am not.

7:56 Drew You're not. Well, actually, when he walked in here, he was a normal nice guy and the lights lit up and all of a sudden this.

8:02 David Alan Grier This is an act, my friend.

8:03 Drew That's right.

8:03 David Alan Grier This is show business.

8:05 Adam He's a comedian, you know. Absolutely.

8:07 Drew Yeah, yeah, look, this is one too.

8:09 David Alan Grier Oh, no, oh, you're so wrong. And what are you, my friend, Mr. Normal?

8:14 Drew I'm just a depressive, anxious guy.

8:16 David Alan Grier Thank God for Dr. Drew, not Dr. Adam. I don't see a doctor in front of your name, Mr. Big Mouth.

8:22 David Alan Grier Hey, hey, you take that off and I take that back because you'll always be a doctor to me.

8:28 Drew Oh, no.

8:28 David Alan Grier Let's heal some babies.

8:30 Adam Brittany, you're 14.

8:32 Drew Yeah.

8:33 Adam We're going to heal you.

8:34 Okay.

8:34 Adam What's up?

8:35 Drew What's up?

8:37 I've given head 22 times.

8:39 Drew But who's counting?

8:41 What?

8:42 David Alan Grier My girlfriend already.

8:43 Keep going. Oh, and I was wondering if CUM can do anything to you.

8:47 Drew You can get sexually transmitted diseases.

8:50 Well, yeah, but besides that.

8:51 Drew That's about it.

8:53 Adam What else besides that are you looking for, Brittany?

8:56 Drew What is your fantasy?

8:58 I really don't have any.

8:59 Drew No, I mean, what are you worried could happen to you?

9:02 Like that I could get like really sick, but you could vomit.

9:07 Adam What do you mean? You mean just just nauseated like you ate some bad cheese?

9:10 David Alan Grier Well, let me jump in here.

9:11 Adam Go ahead.

9:12 David Alan Grier Brittany. Is it Brittany?

9:13 Adam Yeah.

9:14 David Alan Grier I think she's referring to what we in the trade call the Stewart syndrome as in Rod Stewart syndrome.

9:21 Adam Yes. Everyone knows the famous and true story about Rod Stewart ingesting three gallons of semen and then having to have it.

9:30 David Alan Grier It was one US gallon.

9:32 Adam One US gallon, 3.8 liters of semen and then having to have a stomach pump. We all remember that from junior high.

9:42 Drew My true story, your cousin's friend, brother was there.

9:46 Adam Well, he was one of the penises that Rod milked that night. He was 12 at the time.

9:51 David Alan Grier Hey Jenny. Hi honey.

9:53 Adam My PO lady just got here. Brittany. Yeah. You've had semen in your mouth 22 times. You've not vomited, right? Maybe you've built up some sort of tolerance to this at an early age.

10:06 Drew Like what? Speaking from the standpoint that most people vomit upon swallowing?

10:11 Adam I'm just saying, I think Brittany is calling because she's crying out for help. I really do. Because she's saying, what is it going to do to you? We said sexually transmitted diseases. And she said, so what? What about getting sick from it? But yet she's done it numerous times and hasn't gotten sick.

10:28 David Alan Grier But you didn't ask her the particulars. Brittany, these are medical questions. There's no sexual gratification involved. You're underage. Have you swallowed all of the issuance from these participants of yours?

10:42 Adam Yeah. You have.

10:44 Yeah.

10:44 Drew So you asked if you can get sick. I said you can get sexually transmitted diseases. Some of them are life-threatening. Why is that not an issue to you?

10:51 Well, it is. I knew all about like STDs and how I could get STDs from them.

10:56 Drew All right. Well, that's it.

10:58 Adam What's up there, Brittany? 22 penises?

11:01 No, seven different guys.

11:03 Adam Seven guys.

11:04 How old are you? I'm 14.

11:06 Adam Seven guys, 3.056 times per guy.

11:12 David Alan Grier That's a relationship.

11:13 Adam Yeah. All right. You want to slow down a little or you're feeling good about yourself?

11:19 No, because I have a really bad reputation at school.

11:22 Adam Yeah.

11:23 Drew So why don't you slow down?

11:24 Another question about that though.

11:25 Adam Yeah.

11:26 A lot of them are potheads and I was wondering if that could affect that in anyway.

11:30 Drew Could you get higher from swallowing semen?

11:33 No, no.

11:34 Adam What do you? Is that what you're asking?

11:36 Well, well, I was asking like, would it do anything to me? But then I realized that a lot of them are potheads.

11:43 Drew What's up with you, Brittany? Why?

11:46 Adam Why don't you know you want to ask your real question?

11:48 Drew You know, it's more esteem that you can concern with for yourself is sufficient.

11:53 Well, I don't know why I do this, like, seriously.

11:59 David Alan Grier Well, why don't you stop until you figure it out at least?

12:03 I haven't done it in a while.

12:06 Adam Well, you're 14, you got 21 under your belt. Seems like you're moving along pretty good. All right, so why don't you stop? Give it a break.

12:14 Caller Okay. All right.

12:16 Adam And don't reward those potheads with a BJ. That's sending a dangerous message to them. The more pot they smoke, the more blown they get. All right there, Brittany.

12:25 Caller Okay.

12:26 Adam All right.

12:27 David Alan Grier In my day, you had to work for those BJs.

12:30 Adam Oh my God.

12:31 The gifts, the jewelry.

12:33 Adam Oh, what I used to have to do to get a BJ. I mean, first, get the crowbar, go down to the morgue.

12:40 David Alan Grier Oh, yeah.

12:40 Adam Hold the flashlight in the mouth, break open the front door.

12:44 David Alan Grier Yeah, yeah. Keep going. Did you hook the foot behind the head for the more lifelike action?

12:49 Adam That's how I would do it. And sometimes there wasn't a dead chick there, so you had to make do.

12:54 David Alan Grier You know, you bring up an interesting point, Adam. There's nothing worse than a reluctant BJ.

13:00 Adam Oh, yeah.

13:00 David Alan Grier You know what I mean?

13:01 Adam Oh, yeah.

13:01 Okay.

13:04 David Alan Grier I hope you're enjoying this. Never mind.

13:08 Adam Jared?

13:08 Yeah.

13:09 Adam You're 19?

13:10 Caller Yeah.

13:10 Adam What's up?

13:12 Caller First of all, I just want to say you guys rock. I miss you guys every night. Thank you. But I'm just curious if it is physically possible for a girl to be quote-unquote loose if she's still a virgin.

13:25 Drew Well, she's gonna be loose either way. I mean, she's gonna be the same either way, that having had sex will not make any difference.

13:30 Caller Really?

13:31 Adam Yeah.

13:32 Caller Well, cuz, yeah, cuz I was gonna say me and her actually just, well, see, I was a virgin until a couple nights ago. Me and her, apparently she said it was her first time, too, but she was still loose to where it was just like, I mean, it was hard to tell that anything was even going on when I was.

13:46 Drew Yeah, that's just her anatomy.

13:48 Adam Maybe I have a small penis.

13:49 David Alan Grier Yeah, right, can I ask you a personal question?

13:51 Yeah.

13:52 David Alan Grier How's the Jimmy?

13:54 Caller What do you mean?

13:55 David Alan Grier You know what I'm talking about.

13:56 Caller Well, he's, I mean, it's average.

14:00 David Alan Grier Average, how's the average? Three inches, six inches?

14:03 Caller No, no, around five, five to six.

14:07 Adam Five to six, and how's the girth?

14:12 Caller Oh my gosh, why are you asking me that?

14:14 David Alan Grier Well, we're trying, we're trying to, we're, we're medical experts.

14:17 Drew They want to know if it's her or you.

14:18 Adam Well, hold on, is it a pencil?

14:20 Caller Is it a pen? No.

14:21 David Alan Grier Is it a hot dog before it has been cooked?

14:25 Caller Kind of.

14:27 David Alan Grier Okay, so you're normal. There are some, some girls who have a two car garage, let's say.

14:32 Adam That's right, that's right.

14:33 Caller Yeah, I don't know, because she, you know, it's like, I mean, I totally clean, you know, that was my honest first time, but it's like, I mean, she kind of has a reputation, like she's been around the block a few times, but she says that she hasn't slept with any of her previous, like, 100 boyfriends. And, you know, I kind of find that hard to believe, but I just hope she's not, you know, because I don't really feel like any of them.

14:51 David Alan Grier Yeah, but even if she did, right, Dr. Drew, it wouldn't, it wouldn't stretch her out.

14:54 Adam No. Exactly. She could have had, she could have had five kids and you'd still be fine.

14:58 David Alan Grier Well, I'll stop right there. I tell you what, I've slept with my share of whores, and some of them are tidy, tidy whities, and fatty blackies, flabby, flabby, flabbertons.

15:12 Adam Well, look, you understand the vagina is not made of clay. It's not like you stretch it out and it stays out there.

15:18 Caller Stories from my friends about, you know, they're doing it to a girl that was a virgin, and I've heard all these stories about how tight she's supposed to be.

15:24 Drew That's BS.

15:25 Adam Well, no, but wait a minute. Virgins are tight because they're uncomfortable and uptight, and they may sort of clamp down a little bit, right?

15:34 David Alan Grier But also, there's a hymen.

15:36 Drew Right, something you're pushing through there.

15:37 David Alan Grier There is something you got to, you know, break on through to the other side.

15:40 Adam Jared is, you know what Jared is? Jared's a guy who got no ass in high school. He's now found someone who was kind enough to hold still so that he could do that.

15:52 David Alan Grier Oh, wait a minute. I don't like where this is going.

15:54 Adam No, no, he didn't.

15:55 David Alan Grier Listen, nobody told me at 14 that women's, and I'm going to use the technical term, Twatty Holes, are different sizes. Nobody told me about that. Nobody told me about PMS and that all women on earth are insane and crazy too. Nobody ever told me that. So he needs to hear that, that all stink spots aren't the same.

16:17 Twinkie hole, baby.

16:19 That's right.

16:20 Drew She has a two-car garage and he's driving a moped.

16:23 Room to move.

16:24 Adam Jared, I know you're a little insecure about yourself.

16:27 Drew No, he's not.

16:28 Adam He is.

16:29 Drew He is. He's just unknowledgeable.

16:30 Adam No, he's saying, I hope she's not loose. She said she was a virgin, but I hear she's been around.

16:38 David Alan Grier They're big women and they're small. That's right. That's it. Don't believe. How old is he? 19? Yeah. Guys lie so much about sex and it never stops. Did you know that married couples lie the most about how much they have sex?

16:51 Drew No. Really?

16:51 David Alan Grier Absolutely. Absolutely.

16:53 Drew No way.

16:54 David Alan Grier Absolutely.

16:55 David Alan Grier When is the last time you sat with a group of married people and how many couples said, I haven't boned my wife since last Kwanzaa?

17:03 David Alan Grier Nobody says that.

17:04 David Alan Grier Everybody wants to appear as if they're having the quote normal amount of sex.

17:10 Well, it is true that there's a-

17:11 Drew The women cack a little bit.

17:13 Adam Well, here's what they're-

17:14 David Alan Grier But most people will lie.

17:15 Adam You know what women do? Women get drunk and embarrass their men.

17:20 David Alan Grier They do. Sometimes during sex.

17:21 Adam He likes to be jacked off and then he cries. Marge, that's enough, Chardonnay.

17:29 David Alan Grier He does.

17:32 Adam He wants me to dance while he jacks himself off, and then he starts, honey, let's get out in the car. Get in the car.

17:41 I want to know what's wrong with that.

17:42 Adam No. Drew, your wife's done that to you way more than once, right? Had a couple of glasses of wine and started talking.

17:47 David Alan Grier Is she addictive? Addictive personality?

17:50 Drew Doesn't talk like that.

17:51 David Alan Grier With the wine. Let's zero in on this alcohol.

17:54 Adam She'll do it. All I'm saying is I do agree with David in that there's another person involved with the couple so you might lie just to protect them. Do you know what I'm saying?

18:04 Drew Yeah.

18:05 David Alan Grier All right. After a certain point, though, you're right. How many years have you been married?

18:09 Drew Ten.

18:09 David Alan Grier Yeah. All lying has stopped now. It's dishonest.

18:12 Adam Honesty right there.

18:13 Drew There's sort of bragging rights that go on, I noticed.

18:16 David Alan Grier Anytime you get it up or any successful retreat.

18:18 Drew You're not doing a little terror, then there's a lot of, like, a little talking going on.

18:22 Adam Drew had a solid BM last weekend.

18:25 David Alan Grier Oh, hallelujah. Hallelujah. Did you save it for all the kids in the neighborhood?

18:30 Caller Look what Uncle Drew laid.

18:32 Adam Megan?

18:33 Oh, gosh.

18:34 Adam You're 20. What's up?

18:36 Caller Excuse me.

18:37 David Alan Grier I'm sorry.

18:37 Caller Drew, Jesus.

18:39 Caller I finally found a guy that makes me have an orgasm. I finally found a guy that makes me have an orgasm. And that's totally cool, but...

18:47 David Alan Grier Are you in love with this guy?

18:48 Caller Yeah, we're getting married.

18:50 David Alan Grier Okay, but wait a minute. When the first time he made... You know, you achieved an orgasm with this guy, were you really deeply emotionally involved with him?

18:59 Caller Yeah, we were already living together.

19:01 David Alan Grier Yeah, that always makes sex better.

19:03 Adam What the... How'd he do it? Sex or oral sex?

19:06 Caller Well, I can only have one when I ride him.

19:10 David Alan Grier Most women do.

19:10 Adam So, you're on top of him and you have your orgasm. But you can't have one through oral sex, huh?

19:18 David Alan Grier But haven't you ever, you know, rode any other guys?

19:21 Caller Yeah.

19:22 David Alan Grier It never worked that way?

19:24 Caller No.

19:24 David Alan Grier Do me a favor, honey, next time you get on top of him, just paw him in his face, you know what I'm saying?

19:28 Drew Paw him in his face?

19:29 David Alan Grier Paw him in his face. You know, smack right there, just say, hold right there, just let mama get hurt.

19:35 David Alan Grier I love when the girls do that, you know what I'm saying?

19:37 David Alan Grier Take charge, ride me, baby, all the way to Brooklyn.

19:42 Caller Oh, we're healing babies. Oh, that's beautiful.

19:45 Adam So, Megan, what are you calling about?

19:47 Caller Well, I had a question for Drew. I was adopted when I was three months old. And I've been thinking about meeting my biological mom and my little sister.

19:56 Drew Do you have a way to get in touch with them?

19:59 Caller Yeah, actually, we've been talking through like letters and on the phone and email.

20:05 Adam And email, huh? She has her own computer. She's using the one down at the library.

20:10 Caller No, she has her own.

20:12 Adam So she's doing okay.

20:14 David Alan Grier Is she doing okay? I mean, does she sound... Do you feel safe meeting her? Does she sound normal and all that stuff?

20:21 Caller I don't know. She's kind of crazy, but then again, so is every other blood relative of mine I know.

20:26 David Alan Grier What do you mean kind of crazy?

20:28 Caller Well, like my older sister that I was adopted with is a sociopath. And like I don't feel so like mentally all there. And...

20:37 Adam You don't feel mentally all there?

20:39 Caller Well, no, but it might just be because, you know, I'm a girl. I don't know. Oh, how you know yourself.

20:44 David Alan Grier That's true, honey. All women are crazy.

20:46 Caller My birth mom seems kind of weird too.

20:48 Adam Well, did you say there's a sister you haven't met?

20:51 Caller Yeah, there's three sisters total.

20:53 Adam And one stayed with your mom?

20:55 Caller Yeah.

20:56 Adam And the other two, you and your other sister went to be raised by a foster family or an adopted family? And how's your adopted parents?

21:05 Caller Um, I left the home of their call.

21:09 Adam Oh, really?

21:09 Caller They're really missing.

21:10 Adam Well, yeah, let's just get it over with so we don't have to call again.

21:13 Drew Don't have a fantasy that finding your biological roots...

21:17 Oh, Dr. Drew, let me just enjoy this.

21:18 David Alan Grier Gosh, Adam, you are so mean!

21:21 David Alan Grier Give this woman some love!

21:23 Caller Mr. Hard-Ass.

21:24 Drew But don't have a fantasy that reattaching or reconnecting with your biological roots are going to somehow rescue you from the family you've been raised by or the emotions. I don't hear that.

21:33 Caller I don't hear that from her.

21:34 David Alan Grier She says she's crazy, her adoptive family is crazy, and her mom's nuts.

21:38 Adam Well, listen...

21:38 David Alan Grier Why not all goofballs get in one room?

21:40 Adam All right. Hey, Megan?

21:44 Caller Yeah?

21:44 Adam You're going to get married? You want to invite her to the marriage?

21:48 Caller I don't know. Like, my mom has told me that she doesn't want my birth mom there and she doesn't want my older sister there.

21:54 Adam All right.

21:55 David Alan Grier That's not good.

21:56 Adam Well, listen, let's not rock the boat. Let's just take your time, keep corresponding with her.

22:01 Drew You know, establish your own life separately and then if you want to do that once you have your own life, married life alone, adult, fine.

22:06 David Alan Grier You're doing a public place right now.

22:07 Adam Is there a human being alive that's trying to meet a biological parent that doesn't have some expectations going into it?

22:14 David Alan Grier Well, you know, you know, they found Roseanne's biological daughter, you know, years ago. And so someone comes to her and they go, look, I have some incredible news. We found your birth mother. And she goes, Oh my God. Okay. It's someone famous. So sit down. She goes, it's, it's Bette Midler.

22:30 I knew it. It's Bette Midler, right?

22:32 David Alan Grier It's Bette Midler. Well, she's very famous, but it's not Bette Midler.

22:35 Caller It's Roseanne.

22:38 David Alan Grier There's a yin and the yang in it.

22:39 Adam Yeah, but she's got some money, right?

22:42 David Alan Grier Hey, it's not about money. Sometimes, Adam, it's just about a hug, you know?

22:45 Adam Yeah.

22:46 Caller Right, Dr. Drew?

22:47 David Alan Grier Is that manic to want a hug from a human being?

22:50 Adam We're going to do some hugging in just a minute.

22:52 David Alan Grier Call me crazy. Can I get a hug, man?

22:54 Adam Dude.

22:54 David Alan Grier Come on. Come on, group hug.

22:56 David Alan Grier Come on, Dr. Drew, get over here.

22:58 Adam Drew, group hug. You heard him.

23:00 David Alan Grier Thank you.

23:01 David Alan Grier Oh, what is that aftershave you are wearing?

23:03 Adam Ashley?

23:05 David Alan Grier Hi.

23:05 Adam Hey, you're 18. What's up there, Perky?

23:08 Caller Oh, okay. Yeah.

23:09 David Alan Grier Thanks for knocking my perkinet down. I'm going to be depressed and I'm going to go do drugs and sleep with everyone now, okay?

23:14 Adam Fantastic.

23:14 David Alan Grier How old are you?

23:15 David Alan Grier 18.

23:15 David Alan Grier Oh, that's cool, though.

23:17 David Alan Grier Yeah. I have a comment. Okay.

23:19 David Alan Grier Yeah.

23:19 David Alan Grier That guy that called in saying that, you know, he was talking about, like, she was losing something like that. Right. Yeah. Okay. I'm 18 years old. I'm a virgin still, right? I have a lot of boyfriends and I find that really offensive that you would say that because she's had like a ton of boyfriends that there's no way she's a virgin. That pissed me off.

23:37 Adam Well, he's doing some math. I mean.

23:39 David Alan Grier Yeah, I know. But I mean.

23:41 David Alan Grier We're on your side. Didn't you hear what we said? We said guys lie. Right. That just because she's had a bunch of boyfriends don't believe what the guys say. And even if she slept with a hundred guys, that doesn't mean you could drive a Volkswagen in the old Twatty spot. That's right. Okay.

23:55 David Alan Grier Okay.

23:56 Drew I'm curious. Why does that enrage you so much?

23:59 David Alan Grier Well, all my life I've grown up with the whole like if they have a ton of boyfriends in their slots. And it just bothers me because yeah, I've had a lot of boyfriends. Okay. Calm down. Not a slut. And I don't plan to ever be.

24:11 Drew But you've done the hard work of having relationships without them being sexual, right?

24:16 David Alan Grier Yeah.

24:17 David Alan Grier Let me ask you something. Do you have any nicknames like the Lincoln Tunnel, Lucy Goosey, anything like that?

24:22 Caller I'm a virgin.

24:23 Adam You're a virgin?

24:24 Caller Right.

24:24 David Alan Grier Well, there's a lot of stuff you can do, honey.

24:26 Adam How many boyfriends have you had?

24:28 David Alan Grier Lord, I don't know. I just threw out a number. It's probably a lot less than what I gave the screener.

24:35 Adam What do you think? You don't know?

24:36 Drew 10, 20?

24:38 David Alan Grier Probably about 20, 25.

24:40 Drew What does boyfriend mean? What does that mean?

24:42 David Alan Grier Well, I don't know. I mean like guys that I date for long periods of time, but I don't date one person.

24:49 David Alan Grier But hold on. When you say you're a virgin, do you mean that you haven't had intercourse because there's a whole gamut of activities you can-

24:54 David Alan Grier No, I mean a virgin.

24:55 David Alan Grier Maybe I mean I'd like to finish my sentence.

24:57 Adam Sorry.

25:00 David Alan Grier You know what I mean? There's a bunch of other sexual things you can do besides having intercourse.

25:04 Adam That's right.

25:05 David Alan Grier Yeah, and I mean I'm a virgin completely.

25:07 Adam Okay. All right.

25:08 Drew Chased. You're chased.

25:10 Adam Yeah.

25:11 Drew Why are you so angry? I'm tired about it.

25:13 Adam Yeah, and why are you dating 25 guys at age 18?

25:15 David Alan Grier I think I know why.

25:16 Adam Virgin. What?

25:17 David Alan Grier Because after about 48 hours, those guys go, I'll see you.

25:22 David Alan Grier Oh, okay. Yeah, thanks.

25:24 David Alan Grier Hey, listen, when I was 18, I was trying to get laid, all right?

25:27 Adam Yeah.

25:28 David Alan Grier That's what guys want when they're 18. Most guys I know, I mean, they're not looking for a lifetime commitment.

25:33 David Alan Grier Oh, I'm not saying they are.

25:35 Adam All right, baby. What kind of energy you got going? You got some kind of energy going.

25:40 Drew Cheerleader.

25:40 Adam Okay.

25:41 David Alan Grier Cheerleader, baby.

25:41 Adam Virgin cheerleader.

25:42 David Alan Grier Give me a cheer, honey. Could you give me a cheer?

25:44 David Alan Grier No. Never thought that would happen.

25:45 David Alan Grier Come on, come on. Give me a cheer.

25:47 David Alan Grier That's okay now.

25:47 David Alan Grier Come on, come on, come on. Ashley. You won the game, now you think you're hot.

25:51 David Alan Grier But we'll win the fight in the parking lot. Take off your net. Yeah, take off your net.

25:56 David Alan Grier Come on, hit me off, baby. Go, go on.

25:58 Adam Give me something. Do you know Here We Come A-Truckin In?

26:00 David Alan Grier No.

26:01 Adam Which ones do you know?

26:03 David Alan Grier Um, well, I'm from an independent squad, so they're all for BCC.

26:07 David Alan Grier Go, go, hit me, give me one, baby.

26:09 Adam Come on, give us one. Give us one. You said you were a cheerleader.

26:11 See my finger, see my thumb.

26:12 We got the ball.

26:13 Adam You better run.

26:14 David Alan Grier And white bobcats. That's right. The best you'll see.

26:19 BCC.

26:23 Adam That was, that was no here. We come a truck and in.

26:26 David Alan Grier You know, you don't have any black.

26:27 Drew It's Bakersfield, dude.

26:28 Adam You guys want to hear Here We Come A Truckin?

26:30 Drew No, no, no, no.

26:31 Caller Let's hear it, man.

26:32 Adam Let's hear it.

26:33 Caller Go, baby.

26:34 Adam Here we come. Hold on. Ready? Okay. Here we come a truckin in. Bet you wonder where we've been. We're a team that can't be beat. Because we're funky on our feet.

26:55 David Alan Grier See my finger, see my thumb. We got the ball, you better run. S-O-C-K-I-T, socket to me. Baby, my head is aching. One, two, three, four, five, cast. Don't take no job.

27:08 David Alan Grier Six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

27:09 David Alan Grier Come on, baby. We're gonna win.

27:11 Caller Oh, that's a cheer, baby.

27:13 David Alan Grier That's a cheer.

27:14 Adam And that's how we got, that's how we got this letter in high school.

27:18 Drew They got into Yale Drama School.

27:19 Adam All right. We're gonna take a little break.

27:21 David Alan Grier Hey, I don't want to take a break.

27:22 Adam We got to cool down.

27:24 David Alan Grier Um, put in the next caller.

27:25 Adam David Alan Grier is here. Print me. Print me.

27:27 David Alan Grier What's your question?

27:29 Adam We're gonna do a pyramid when we come back.

27:31 Oh, that'll be great.

27:33 Caller Loveline, Loveline, we'll be right back.

28:10 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That's Dr. Drew.

28:13 David Alan Grier And I'm David Alan Grier.

28:17 Adam David Alan Grier can be found at the Irvine Improv, Irvine Spectrum, which is coming up Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Two shows on Saturday.

28:29 David Alan Grier Uh, I think we have two on Friday. Adam, are you going to come through, man?

28:32 Adam Oh, that's true. You know what? No.

28:35 David Alan Grier You bastard.

28:36 Adam No, I'm going, I'm going out of town.

28:37 David Alan Grier Oh, great, great.

28:39 Adam I'm going to you Yosemite.

28:41 Drew For what?

28:42 Adam A wedding, believe it or not.

28:43 Caller Oh, you pansy.

28:45 Adam Yeah.

28:45 David Alan Grier What kind of hippie...

28:47 Drew A wanny or something?

28:48 Adam I don't know. The chick's getting married in Yosemite.

28:50 David Alan Grier Who?

28:51 Adam Someone I work with at the man show.

28:54 David Alan Grier You know, Adam, one thing I admire about, he does not kiss and tell. Every time I go over to his house, it's obvious there's been some kind of group sex thing going on. Show beer cans, use condoms. I'm like, hey Adam, what did you do last night?

29:05 Oh, nothing. Let's box.

29:08 David Alan Grier One of his male friends comes down rubbing his butt, rubbing it. What happened? Some guys over playing poker.

29:19 Very, very low key.

29:20 Drew Margaret Show lives on the street, right?

29:22 David Alan Grier Oh, Margaret.

29:23 Adam Margaret Show lives down the street from the Hollywood home. She put on some pounds.

29:30 David Alan Grier I didn't say anything. I love Margaret.

29:32 Adam Margaret came on to me in a very sexual way one time.

29:35 Did she? Was she a little loopy?

29:37 Adam She was a little loopy.

29:38 Drew Sexual does not begin to describe what that was.

29:40 Adam She said she was going to walk over and F me, because she lived down the street.

29:46 David Alan Grier Yeah.

29:47 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

29:48 David Alan Grier The problem is she lives down the street.

29:50 Adam Right. Right. Walk up and F me.

29:53 David Alan Grier You don't want to dump that body, wouldn't you? You just don't want to wake up. What time do I know? You don't want to wake up.

29:59 Adam That's right. Anyone who's seen Margaret's act knows that that's her act.

30:05 David Alan Grier No, the problem is then she's just the scary lady that old Uncle Adam.

30:09 Adam Listen, I know you're being mean. I love Margaret. I love her. I have said many times she's in the top 10 of female Korean comedians currently working the LA scene.

30:23 David Alan Grier She's sexy.

30:24 Adam She's a sexy lady. But here's the deal. She got sober and then apologized over it. That man, Cathy Griffin's Christmas party.

30:34 David Alan Grier I was supposed to go to that Christmas party. I just bailed, man. I just bailed. I just didn't want to.

30:39 Adam Margaret was looking for you if you wanted to apologize. You know what? The only thing worse, and as a guy and ladies, look, if you get loaded and come on to us, no need for an apology the next day. That's fine.

30:51 David Alan Grier That hurts.

30:52 Adam You know what ends up happening, which is ironic, is the apology ends up feeling more intrusive than the actual coming on part because everyone's sober and you're at a party.

31:03 David Alan Grier Was everyone sober at this Christmas party?

31:06 Adam Margaret was because I believe Margaret's a sober person now. But Margaret pulled me aside and said, I need to talk to you. I'd had a few drinks and I said, it's cool baby. She said, no, it's not. I said, oh yeah, it is. She said, no, what I did was wrong. I said, look, no problem. Let me get back to the party.

31:24 Drew Before she went on, you were flattered. Now you felt sort of uncomfortable.

31:27 David Alan Grier Isn't that part of the healing process?

31:29 Drew It is. Make men feel uncomfortable.

31:30 David Alan Grier Make amends. I tell you right now, if I started making amends, I wouldn't have any time to live my life.

31:35 Adam But it's ironic that part of the healing process is making the person feel uncomfortable for a second time.

31:41 David Alan Grier Right. I never was really attracted to you. It was all the drugs. Yeah.

31:45 Drew Matter of fact, I'm horrified.

31:47 David Alan Grier Speaking of drugs, Dr. Drew, let me lay one on you. Trazodone. How's that? Trazodone.

31:51 Drew Good medicine. Sleeping medicine.

31:53 David Alan Grier Is that highly addictive?

31:54 Drew No. No.

31:56 David Alan Grier Say you pop a Trazzie, do a couple of BrewDogs. Lay out, watch some HBO, get your wood on. Is that cool?

32:03 Drew Grotten Speed on Mulholland?

32:04 David Alan Grier No. I like to lay out. I mean, hopefully the people who do that would like to do. How about the Busbar?

32:10 Drew Busbar?

32:11 Busbar.

32:12 Drew You're a little too much about medication. It's scary.

32:14 David Alan Grier I tell you what, I was in Mexico doing movies.

32:16 Drew By the way, these are all anti-anxiety medicines. Every damn one of them. Busbar.

32:21 David Alan Grier I went on the Internet.

32:22 Adam I've said this many times. Sievert Koop is the only black man. What was his name?

32:28 Drew I went online when I was in Mexico.

32:29 Adam Jocelyn Elders is the only person of color.

32:31 David Alan Grier I went online in Mexico. You can buy drugs over the Internet.

32:33 Drew Yes. Lots of people using the Internet. But these are all anti-anxiety medication, David. What's going on here, dude?

32:40 David Alan Grier Sometimes you get those hard days, man.

32:43 Drew Sometimes. It's just kind of hard. I know you experience it as anxiety, but really what we're talking about here is agitation.

32:49 David Alan Grier Well, wait a minute. You said that anxiety is a learned behavior, right? Isn't that what you said?

32:54 Drew You can think of it like phobia, like fear of flying.

32:57 David Alan Grier I'm not Howie Mandel. I don't wash my hands. As a matter of fact, I don't ever wash my hands or wipe my butt. I'm a natural man.

33:03 Drew You're agitated.

33:04 I can get agitated.

33:05 Drew I can get agitated.

33:06 David Alan Grier I can work it around.

33:07 Drew I can work it around. These lightweight anti-anxiety meds will do much for you. You need an anti-psychotic major tranquilizer.

33:12 David Alan Grier Oh, God bless you. You know what, kids? You know what Dr. Drew is saying? David, I love you, but I don't know how to express it in normal terms and I can't help you.

33:19 I'm using the drugs.

33:20 Adam Hey, David, let me ask you seriously.

33:23 David Alan Grier What's up, man? Hit me with the hard shots, baby.

33:24 Adam Do you have trouble getting to bed at night?

33:26 David Alan Grier Absolutely.

33:27 Adam You do?

33:28 David Alan Grier Well, I intermittent sleep.

33:30 Drew I spend two hours with him.

33:31 David Alan Grier You know what? Here's what I do. I have to work out. If I don't work out.

33:34 Drew Before you go to bed?

33:35 David Alan Grier No, I have to work out a certain number of times. We have to run. I have to do something or else it just builds up and I won't sleep. And it's like this. If I have to get up tomorrow at 6 a.m., it's 1030. Now it's 1230. Now, even though I'm really tired, now I'm anxiety ridden because now the hours are slipping away. So now I know I'll never go to sleep. So then I squeeze a few off, you know, watch the porno.

34:00 Adam You got a problem.

34:01 David Alan Grier Watch the porno, you know, squeeze a couple off.

34:04 Adam What time do you go to bed? What's the average time?

34:07 David Alan Grier If I could, if I had my druthers.

34:10 No.

34:11 Drew What's reality?

34:13 David Alan Grier It depends what kind of day I've had. If I've had a full day, sometimes it's 10 p.m. But usually it's more like 2 p.m. Right. I mean, 2 a.m. Because I'm a performer.

34:22 That's what it is.

34:22 David Alan Grier Like now I'm on tour. That means I get back to my hotel. It's like 1230, 1 a.m. And I'll be up to like three or four. Just because that's, you know, you're wound up. Right.

34:33 Adam We could hang. Right.

34:34 David Alan Grier You start calling people you don't really want to talk to. Mrs. McCartney, you're my 5th grade teacher.

34:40 Caller I love you.

34:41 David Alan Grier What's going on?

34:42 Adam That's right.

34:43 David Alan Grier It's like that.

34:44 Adam All right. Let's squeeze in a call here. Greg.

34:47 Hey, how's it going, dude?

34:48 Adam Hey, you're 32. What's up?

34:50 Caller Hey, let me first start by saying it's an honor to talk to David Alan Grier. He's one of the funniest people I've ever heard in my life.

34:58 Adam Very true.

35:00 Caller I'm having some issues with younger women.

35:03 Drew Okay.

35:05 Caller Yeah. I don't seem to be attracted to women my age no more. I seem to only be attracted to women who are around 18, 19 years old.

35:13 David Alan Grier Well, that's legal, barely.

35:14 Caller Yeah.

35:15 Drew Well, it's normal, but it's not normal.

35:17 David Alan Grier Well, how old are you again?

35:19 Drew All right.

35:20 David Alan Grier Let me tell you something. A very famous actor friend of mine is close to my age. I'm 45. I said, Hey, famous actor guy, would you ever date a woman your own age?

35:29 Caller And we both looked at each other and went, No.

35:32 Drew Women are great. They're 40.

35:34 David Alan Grier I'm being honest. Adam, how old are you?

35:36 Adam I'm 37.

35:37 David Alan Grier Okay. Adam, would you ever willing? I mean, it's not like I wouldn't. I mean, if I met a fabulous 45-year-old, no. But ideally, I mean, would you?

35:46 Adam No, no. Here's what you would do.

35:47 David Alan Grier No.

35:48 Adam Listen.

35:48 Caller I'm not on the same emotional level.

35:50 Drew Would you date a 20-year-old?

35:52 Adam No. Hold on there, Greg.

35:53 David Alan Grier Would I date a 20-year-old or would I bang a 20-year-old?

35:56 Drew Would you make a girlfriend out of a 20-year-old?

35:58 Adam Yes. He would do that. He would do that. No.

36:00 David Alan Grier You know what my cutoff is? 25. 25 is my cutoff. And that right there, already, there's like, I talk about stuff they don't even know.

36:07 David Alan Grier So the Beals were a group?

36:08 Caller That's right.

36:10 Adam For me, it's Lidsville. You've never heard of Lidsville, honey?

36:14 David Alan Grier Hey, I think we have a patient on the line. Go ahead. It's your time.

36:18 Adam But wait a minute. Let me defend the older ladies for one second here. And I think Drew will agree with this.

36:24 Drew The testosterone level is up.

36:25 Adam A big star like David Alan Grier at the ripe old age of 45 would probably not start dating a 45-year-old woman. Or a 42-year-old woman.

36:36 David Alan Grier That's not necessarily true.

36:38 Adam But probably not. But if you fell in love at 35 and married a woman who was 33 and it was 8 or 10 years later, you would still be with that woman and be happy with that woman.

36:50 David Alan Grier My wife was a year older than I, and we got married like when I was 30. Here's the problem. Older women, especially say, if they're in their 40s, they're already, their clock is ticking. Date number one, by the time the entree arrives, they want to know where the relationship is going. Do you want to get married? Will you adopt their kids? Make friends with their crackhead ex-boyfriend? That is why I don't do it.

37:15 David Alan Grier Right.

37:16 Adam All right.

37:16 David Alan Grier Life's too short.

37:17 David Alan Grier Give me the 18-year-olds.

37:18 David Alan Grier I'm with you baby.

37:19 Adam Greg?

37:19 Caller Yes.

37:20 Adam Yes.

37:20 All right.

37:21 Caller I mean, even when I fag off with myself, all I think about is 19, 18-year-old young bodies and brown.

37:30 Dude, you beat off?

37:31 Adam All right. So that's what you fantasize about.

37:34 David Alan Grier Well, what do you fantasize about, Adam?

37:36 Adam I beat off the Greg beating off the 19-year-olds.

37:39 David Alan Grier We're flooded with those images.

37:41 Drew Yeah, you'll find something. It's good that you know that it's probably not a healthy thing for you to be pursuing somebody that age. It would not make you happy.

37:49 David Alan Grier Have you ever been in a relationship with a girl that young?

37:51 Caller Yeah, I mean, recently I've been sleeping with a girl who's 19 and I just was...

37:57 Drew It's not good for her...

37:58 Caller .who was 20 years old.

37:59 Drew It's not good for that.

38:00 David Alan Grier Why not?

38:01 Adam Think about Greg's emotional development. So his body is 32 years old. No, no.

38:05 David Alan Grier But wait a minute.

38:05 David Alan Grier He said he's been sleeping with. That's different from saying, I really love this chick, man. She's the chick for me.

38:12 Drew Yeah, but these women are attached to him, though.

38:15 David Alan Grier So what's wrong with that?

38:17 Adam Let me ask you guys.

38:18 David Alan Grier Every one of those 18 or 19 year olds need some old guy. They work through it. The daddy complex.

38:23 Adam Right.

38:24 David Alan Grier When they get to be 35, we're just history.

38:27 Adam Let me ask Dr. Drew and Dr. David a question here. Women, 100 years ago, women lived average age of 59. I don't know, 60, whatever. How old? 100 years ago.

38:41 Drew Probably 60.

38:42 Adam 60. All right. Now, a woman who's 30 today is probably going to make it to 88 or 90, right? Is the cutoff in terms of them being sort of hot tickets on the open market, is it still 35 as it was 100 years ago? Do you know what I mean? I mean, physically, men, most men, society is not into a woman older than 40. Now, if you started the relationship 10 years ago, that's a different situation. But I just mean in terms of dating. Yeah. You take a guy who's 35, who has his pick of the litter, he's not going to date a 38 year old woman.

39:24 David Alan Grier Absolutely.

39:25 Adam But the thing is, is that woman is now living till 90. Was it earlier when they lived till 60? Has it been stretched out? I don't think that part has changed. I think we've just added another 50 years to the end of their life.

39:39 Drew I don't know.

39:40 Adam You know what I'm asking?

39:41 David Alan Grier Dr. Drew, what if you meet a girl who is not 19? What if she is 27, say, 28, and she has her own career?

39:50 Drew Yeah, that's good. No, no, the 27 is a lot different than 20. A lot different.

39:54 David Alan Grier All right.

39:54 Adam Let's take a break. David Alan Grier here. We're going to talk about prescription medications, and we'll be back.

40:06 Caller Call on the 1-800-LOVES-191.

40:41 Drew Here's the deal, we need to take some calls.

40:43 Adam All right.

40:43 Drew Okay.

40:44 David Alan Grier Hey, am I holding you kids up?

40:46 Drew David, it's not that you're holding us up, it just seems that somehow in your presence, we don't get any calls done.

40:52 David Alan Grier You're so angry.

40:53 Drew No, no.

40:53 David Alan Grier Next caller, excuse me, next caller.

40:56 Adam David Alan Grier here. Irvine Improv at the Irvine Spectrum this weekend, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, two shows, Friday, Saturday. David.

41:04 David Alan Grier Next caller, next caller.

41:05 Yeah, is this me?

41:06 Adam Yes, you're 21, what's up?

41:07 Caller Hey, what's happening? I love the show, yeah, you guys rock.

41:10 Adam Thank you.

41:12 Caller Dr. Drew there.

41:13 Adam Yeah, what's up?

41:14 Caller There, okay. Yeah, oh, excuse me. I have, you know, sex a lot and I mean, I'm not down for anybody, you know, who doesn't get it or anything like that, you know, like the married couple, you know, who lies about it and you know, that's kind of pathetic, you know, you're married and you can't get nothing.

41:27 Adam All right, David, what's your question?

41:29 David Alan Grier Thank you.

41:29 Caller But I'm just wondering, you know, after five times a night, you know, and then, you know, punishing yourself for not getting any, you know, spanking off and stuff, you know, is there anything to rebuild your strength, you know, can you, you know, guzzle something down, a health drink or something like that to get the juice that's flowing down there again?

41:42 Drew You press the pause button, I put the F in something. He said after five times, spanking it, doing it, not spanking it, and then he punishes himself.

41:50 David Alan Grier Could you explain? What do you mean?

41:52 Caller I mean, you know, I'm blowing loads five times, you know, if I can't get some, you know, I spank it, there goes another load right there.

41:58 Adam Hold on, who's this load you're blowing?

42:02 Drew He's saying he's masturbating five times a night.

42:04 Caller Yeah, you know, I don't want to get down with the technical term, you know, nut.

42:06 Drew Yeah, but David, here's what you understand, you're leading us to believe that three times a night you're with a person and twice a night you're by yourself. The fact is, there are no people involved with this, other than you.

42:15 Adam Well, what about the pictures he looks at?

42:18 Drew That's right, the pictures.

42:18 Adam Aren't those people?

42:19 Caller You know, I mean, people, by myself, what I'm trying to say is like, is there anything I can do to get the phone again?

42:24 Adam No, no.

42:25 Drew Give yourself, don't kill yourself.

42:27 Adam Five times in a night, you're lucky you don't spit out some lower intestine on the fifth time.

42:31 David Alan Grier I was gonna say, after about four or five, I'm just coughing.

42:33 Drew You turn it side.

42:35 Adam All right. Good times there, David. You want to take calls? There you go.

42:40 David Alan Grier Well, Mr. Dr. Drew.

42:41 Adam No. No, Lene.

42:43 Caller JoLene.

42:44 Adam JoLene. Thanks for the typo there, Damian.

42:47 David Alan Grier Hey, JoLene, what's your question for this evening?

42:49 Caller My question for Dr. Drew, a couple of weeks ago, I had the radio down low, but I thought I heard you saying something about if you take large amounts of isopropan, and then it can cause the bleeding.

43:00 Drew Can cause what?

43:01 Adam See what happens when you take calls.

43:04 Caller It can cause your kidneys to bleed.

43:06 Drew It can cause your kidneys to shut down.

43:08 David Alan Grier No, she said if you take large amounts of...

43:13 Drew Well, let me talk to her, please.

43:15 Adam I can't hear her.

43:16 Drew I got her. You there? Yeah, I'm here. Yeah, blood, no, you can get stomach bleeding, you can get...

43:21 Adam Large amounts of what?

43:22 Drew Ibuprofen.

43:23 David Alan Grier But what's large amounts?

43:25 Drew Let's frankly, any can cause kidney shutdown, cause all kinds of serious problems.

43:29 Adam What do you mean, any?

43:30 David Alan Grier No, you have to give me an amount.

43:31 Drew 400 milligrams, a single dose of 400 milligrams.

43:33 David Alan Grier OK, my doctor told me I have a crushed disk in my back. Let me finish.

43:38 Drew He told me to take three times a day.

43:41 David Alan Grier And I said, look, I'm in Mexico. OK, is it safe for me over a seven week period? No, no, I just said ibuprofen because I don't want my kidneys to do, you know, it can be quite safe, but it needs to be done carefully.

43:53 Drew But it also can cause serious problems and people need to be watched. So these are not no medication is without potential serious side effect.

44:01 David Alan Grier And what's normal sex, Dr. Drew? Missionary position once a month. No fun. That's what your nickname is.

44:07 Adam Brian.

44:08 Yeah.

44:08 Adam You're 26.

44:10 Caller Yeah. I had a question about my wife, actually. She's she's been having chronic yeast infections for the last year and a half.

44:19 Drew What's the question?

44:20 Caller Oh, excuse me?

44:21 Drew What's the question?

44:22 Caller Oh, I was just we we've taken her to the doctor. She's done on medication, diphlucan and different things and nothing seemed to work.

44:30 Drew Well, if the diphlucan is not clearing out, it's probably not yeast.

44:33 Caller Because she's had cultures done. Yeah. Everything from yeast and STD is everything and nothing's coming.

44:40 Drew Right. Therefore, there's no yeast, right?

44:43 Caller Well, it's yeast. They know it's yeast.

44:45 Drew How do you know? You said the cultures were negative.

44:47 Caller Excuse me?

44:47 Drew You said the cultures and the smears were negative.

44:49 Caller Yes, they were.

44:50 Drew Okay. There's no yeast then.

44:52 Caller Well, hold on.

44:53 David Alan Grier Have you ever tried to bake bread with it?

44:55 Caller What?

44:55 David Alan Grier Have you ever tried to bake bread with the discharge or put it on a cracker or something?

45:01 Caller No, I've heard they came up positive as far as yeast. They just don't know. I mean, for some reason, it's not knocking it out.

45:08 Drew So even when she takes diphlucan, they go back, they re-culture her, they find yeast.

45:13 David Alan Grier Yeah.

45:13 Drew Do you know what kind of yeast?

45:15 Caller I mean, she can go maybe two, three weeks. Maybe she's free of it after the diphlucan.

45:18 Adam What if she doesn't have sex in that time period?

45:21 Caller Yeah, then you usually clear up.

45:25 Drew So having sex is what tends to trigger it?

45:27 Caller Yeah.

45:27 David Alan Grier Are you sleeping with anyone else?

45:30 Caller Excuse me?

45:30 David Alan Grier Are you sleeping with anyone else?

45:32 Caller No.

45:32 Drew Have you used a condom?

45:34 Caller Yeah. Yeah, we've been trying to use a condom.

45:37 Drew Why don't you use different kinds of condoms? Use some animal skin, some natural skin, that kind of thing. Almost anything that disturbs the flora and fauna of the vagina can cause the yeast to overpower.

45:48 David Alan Grier Is it diet related though?

45:49 Drew Not usually. It can be related to stress and sleep and that kind of thing.

45:54 Let's take another call.

45:55 Twinkie Hole Baby.

45:56 Adam That's right.

45:57 David Alan Grier The old love shoot.

45:59 David Alan Grier Yahoo!

46:00 Adam We've got to take ourselves a little break there down in career. What is with these breaks?

46:03 David Alan Grier Put the next caller in, guys. Control both. Put them in.

46:07 David Alan Grier Sybil. Sybil, what's your problem?

46:09 David Alan Grier You're 38.

46:10 David Alan Grier You're too old to be calling.

46:11 David Alan Grier Cut her off.

46:12 Adam All right. We'll cut Sybil off and then we'll talk to the male Sybil with all the personalities over here. David Alan Grier.

46:19 David Alan Grier It's just one. It's all love.

46:21 Adam After this.

46:23 Caller Loveline. Loveline.

46:24 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

46:26 Caller We'll be right back.

47:05 Adam Quite a few, Adam. Hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That's Dr. Drew over there, and David Alan Grier is here who's-

47:12 David Alan Grier Preachin, baby. Thank you so much. Guys in the booth, please sit down.

47:17 Adam I really think he's got to have some chew in him. He's obsessed with the medications, he's neurotic, and back pain. Is there any- Oh, it hurts.

47:27 David Alan Grier Dr. Drew, I tried so hard to get some painkillers from this Mexican doctor. I slammed my head in the door. Doctor, my muscle is very sick. He came at me with a horse needle, and I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He shot me in the butt. I was dazed for three days.

47:43 Drew All you do is walk in the pharmacy and go, that.

47:46 David Alan Grier Well, I did. I mean, after a while.

47:48 Drew You're scaring me a little bit.

47:50 David Alan Grier I just got a little diluted.

47:53 Adam I was in Canada a couple of weeks ago, and apparently the pharmacies there are game on too.

48:00 David Alan Grier That's nice.

48:00 Adam They seem to work out.

48:01 Drew I mean, everywhere except here.

48:03 Adam Yeah, I know. That's what I mean. I mean, like when you hear about everything in Mexico being the way it is, you go, well, all right, the Mexicans over there. So who the hell knows?

48:11 David Alan Grier You are such a racist.

48:12 Adam But then-

48:12 David Alan Grier The Hispanic population, I apologize.

48:16 Adam No, I don't mean that in a pejorative way. I just mean, you do, you close your eyes, you go, it's a different language, a different color skin over there, and God knows what's going on. And besides, look at the country, it's a mess. Maybe we shouldn't open our pharmacies. But then you go to Canada, and it's the same thing, and the country is running great.

48:31 David Alan Grier But in Canada, it's not open. What you're talking about is you can get Tylenol with codeine over the counter. Now, okay, you can make a case like, okay, if you happen to be on some TV show, and you're going to do 500 of them, and you're in the attic, you'll find a way.

48:49 Drew Of course, but at this point, there's so much stuff that people couldn't hurt themselves with that they can't get their hands on without a prescription.

48:55 Adam Well, the prescription for the crab shampoo, for instance, who's going to guzzle a quart of that?

49:02 David Alan Grier Well, if you wanted to be a crackhead, we all know where we would go in LA to buy drugs.

49:07 Drew David's House.

49:07 Adam Exactly. I mean, I'm just saying, literally, in Studio City on Ventura Boulevard, I can go into the Rite Aid Drugs, and I could ask for some crab shampoo, and they could say, sorry, you need a prescription, and I could say fine. On the way out, I could pick up a quart of VO Scotch, and then I could run across the street to the Big Five and buy a crossbow and go to the park.

49:32 David Alan Grier But you know what, if you mix that with some Nyquil, ooh baby, and some Red Bull, oh, that's nice.

49:39 Adam David, let's take some calls. David was talking during the break about his dad having an embarrassing revelation to him, but it reminded me, I hung out with my grandmother tonight. Oh, and...

49:52 Drew Has she been listening?

49:53 David Alan Grier Nice segue, I owe you that.

49:54 Adam My grandmother likes to also give sexually revealing things to me that make me feel uncomfortable.

50:01 Drew She must be 90 now.

50:02 Adam It's her birthday. I think she's 88. She's way up there. And she's asked me many things over the years. For instance, do you know what a rim job is, legitimately?

50:13 David Alan Grier She's not senile?

50:15 Adam No, she was a sex therapist. Someone brought up rim job in one of her groups and she didn't know what it was. So she asked me what a rim job was.

50:25 David Alan Grier But tell them what you said off the air. You said bend over grandma, I'll show you.

50:30 Caller That's my time.

50:31 David Alan Grier Enjoy your headliner.

50:34 David Alan Grier Did you hear that Dr. Drew?

50:36 Caller I said bend over grandma, I'll show you.

50:41 David Alan Grier Oh, it's great to be alive.

50:43 Adam Tonight she's getting out of my car. And you know what I love? It's something that all old people do, which is nothing's quite right. Everything's a bad design or not working right. You know, every time she climbs into my car, she spends 10 minutes trying to get the seatbelt buckled. And then I reach over and snap it in place. And she gives out, well, this thing is not designed right. No, it's not designed for someone as Parkinson's. I have no trouble with it, in another word. But she's climbing out of the car and the car has bucket seats and she's riding up on the edge. You know, she's straddling the edge trying to get on and get on to the walker and I'm helping her out and everything. And she said, the side of this seat has gone up my crotch, she says. And I go, OK, she takes a beat and she goes, nothing's been up there for a while.

51:34 Caller I ask you not.

51:39 Caller Please, I beg of you.

51:49 Adam One time she was talking about lubricant, about vaginal lubricant.

51:53 Caller Can I be dismissed?

51:54 Drew How old was she at the time?

51:56 Adam She was 85.

51:59 Drew And what did she say?

52:00 Adam Well, my grandfather just passed away about three years ago and she was mourning pretty good and she was saying, everything around here reminds me of him. I found his shoes. I see his picture. I see the vaginal lube.

52:16 David Alan Grier I'm sorry.

52:17 David Alan Grier I guess, can I get some rags? I'll clean up.

52:22 David Alan Grier Yeah, let's take a call.

52:23 Adam Let me take some calls.

52:24 Drew That might quiet him down a bit now.

52:26 Adam Because the hair goes gray. It goes gray down there.

52:30 Drew No, you lose it.

52:31 Adam You lose the hair down there. You become like an old woman child.

52:35 David Alan Grier I like that. I think I'm coming back. You know what I think would heal all of society? Plain talk about sex from in the house. It's a natural thing.

52:45 Drew Well, how about President Bush's recent initiative to eliminate all that talk? $130 billion we spent on abstinence.

52:52 David Alan Grier Where is Lee Harvey Oswald when we really need him?

52:55 Drew Andy, I'm doing the O'Reilly Report next week to have a discussion about this.

52:59 Adam Andy?

53:00 Drew Yeah.

53:01 Adam You're 16?

53:02 Drew Yeah.

53:02 Adam What's up?

53:03 I was wondering if I could get my girlfriend pregnant from anal sex.

53:07 Adam Yes.

53:08 Drew How?

53:09 Well, she was freaking out about it. I was trying to get her to do it. Then she's like, make sure you work on them because I don't want to get pregnant.

53:16 Adam Have you ever heard of a turd baby?

53:19 No.

53:20 Drew How would that work? How would they seem to get to a uterus?

53:23 Like I pulled out and it got on there. All right.

53:27 Drew We'll be careful.

53:27 David Alan Grier Wait a minute. I think what he's referring to is what it's known as running sperm. Now there, you've heard of walking catfish, the African walking catfish.

53:36 No, but her asshole is the size of a mason jar.

53:39 Adam Oh, Andy. No, you didn't sell it well.

53:43 Drew We were already going well.

53:44 Adam But David had a point anyway, which is the African running catfish.

53:47 Drew Australian, Australian.

53:48 David Alan Grier Walking catfish.

53:49 Adam Yeah.

53:49 David Alan Grier Well, there are sperm. We as men produce millions and millions of sperm. There are certain sperm. This is a medical fact, Dr. Drew, you know this.

53:56 Drew They're fighting sperm.

53:57 David Alan Grier Absolutely. They're fighting sperm. They actually will walk from the back door to the front door.

54:04 Adam Really?

54:05 David Alan Grier Absolutely. They can wiggle and walk right across that little stretch, that little between skin and jump in there.

54:13 Adam Wow.

54:14 David Alan Grier Yeah.

54:14 David Alan Grier So watch it.

54:15 David Alan Grier Watch it. All you kids.

54:17 Adam Mark?

54:18 Yes.

54:18 Adam You're 24.

54:19 Caller Hi. How are you doing, Adam?

54:20 Adam What's up?

54:21 Caller Not a lot. I'm getting a vasectomy in a couple of days. I just had a couple of questions. I started thinking about it. I just had a couple of questions about what's going to happen. I was wondering, first of all, if there's going to be any difference in the consistency when I ejaculate.

54:37 Drew No, really not.

54:39 David Alan Grier But you said it's better, right?

54:42 Drew The first orgasm after the surgery is good.

54:44 David Alan Grier Just the first one?

54:44 Adam Yeah. Well, it's better because you haven't beat off in two weeks.

54:48 Drew So what else is your question?

54:49 David Alan Grier Just once.

54:49 Caller So it's like a two week wait. What would happen if I were to ejaculate before the two weeks?

54:55 Drew I don't know. I don't know.

54:57 Adam You'd just spit out of my stitches.

54:58 Drew You'd be very healing, obviously.

55:00 David Alan Grier You wouldn't want to do that, my friend.

55:01 Adam I don't think you're going to want to. Yeah. Hey, Mark?

55:05 Yes.

55:05 Adam All right. Do you have kids?

55:07 Yes, I have two.

55:08 Adam Okay. You're married and that's it for you and the kiddies. Right. All right. So it's a nothing procedure.

55:15 David Alan Grier Now, why won't your wife get her tubes tied?

55:17 Caller We just thought it was a little bit more of a complication, so it'll be a little bit safer if I got it.

55:20 David Alan Grier You want to know what's really happening?

55:22 Adam Sure.

55:23 David Alan Grier It's very primal, my friend. Your wife wants you to get a vasectomy so that you cannot spread your seed that only she has your offspring. That is why.

55:33 Adam I'm sorry?

55:34 Drew Very profound, sir David.

55:35 David Alan Grier It's true.

55:36 Drew Why doesn't he want to do the same thing? Why doesn't he have a primitive urge to cut her off?

55:40 David Alan Grier Ask me. Trust me. It's the women. She only wants to have your children. She wants you not to have the ability to father children with any other woman. That's why.

55:49 Adam This is a symbolic keeping the nuts in the masonry.

55:52 David Alan Grier Absolutely.

55:54 Caller I didn't even think of that, but that's a pretty good point.

55:56 David Alan Grier Don't go through with it, man.

55:58 Adam Do it, Mark.

55:58 Drew Men got to unite.

55:59 Adam Yeah.

56:00 David Alan Grier Nah, you might as well do it.

56:01 Adam Drew, what is the difference between having the vasectomy and having the tubes tied?

56:06 Drew What do you mean? In terms of efficacy or?

56:08 Adam No. Okay. They're both the same.

56:10 Drew Same.

56:10 Adam Then what about in terms of the operation?

56:13 Drew It's a little more for the women.

56:14 Adam A little bit more. Not much?

56:17 Caller Not much.

56:18 Adam Yeah. What's the tube tide called?

56:20 Drew Tube ligation.

56:21 Adam Is that what they call it?

56:22 David Alan Grier So you're saying there's no validity to my theorem?

56:25 Drew No, there is. Right. I think there's-

56:28 Adam Say what? He'll get violent with you.

56:30 David Alan Grier My brother's wife wants him to do that.

56:32 Drew No, I think there's also- Listen, I think if you want to understand human beings, you stand back and pretend you're a Martian who just landed here, and you're looking at the human primate's behavior and you're trying to understand it.

56:42 David Alan Grier Specifically, women who are at the end of their productive years.

56:48 Drew I think any year there's an urge for them to-

56:50 David Alan Grier No, but I'm saying absolutely.

56:52 Yeah, that's normal.

56:55 Drew Well, it's an urge for a guy to spread. Is that normal?

56:58 David Alan Grier Not in my camp, buddy.

56:59 Adam You know what I would like? I and Drew, I think you would enjoy this too.

57:02 David Alan Grier Let's take some calls.

57:03 Adam Let's take some calls. From a medical standpoint.

57:04 David Alan Grier Lisa, you're 19. What's your problem?

57:06 Drew I don't hear this.

57:06 Adam I would enjoy watching a reel of what goes on in David Alan Grier's head when he masturbates.

57:13 Drew It's slow down.

57:13 Adam I picture it like a Fellini film.

57:15 Drew Yeah, it would have to be slowed way down.

57:17 Adam Mother chasing with a knife.

57:18 Drew Oh, yeah.

57:19 Adam Well, anything can kill it.

57:20 David Alan Grier Anything can kill it.

57:21 Adam Train's going in the tunnel. Stalking human cannon going off. Couple fly girls circa 1991.

57:27 David Alan Grier I like the freaks.

57:28 David Alan Grier I like the young honey bunnies. Why is it with rubbers like when you see condoms and porno flicks, it's a total turn off? For me, it is.

57:36 Adam Yeah, yeah, me too. All right. Let's address that for one second. Why is that? I agree. You know what I think it is? This is going to be sad, David, but I hope you're man enough to cop this one. I think a lot of guys watch porn because it's dirty and it's nasty, and it's not just all about sexuality, it's about they got this shit to do porn. There's a little aggression in there, and it's a little degrading.

58:09 Drew It's too civilized, but a condom on.

58:11 Adam When you put the condom on, it becomes a little civil, a little less degrading, and it becomes a little more clinical, and it's not so nasty anymore.

58:18 David Alan Grier Here's another thing that turns me off. You know, like when you're watching porno and you see the porno chick, she looks at the camera like, okay, keep going.

58:26 Adam I like that.

58:28 David Alan Grier I hate that when they're like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Like she's waiting for the coffee break. No.

58:35 Adam You know, my favorite part of the porn is the credits when the key grip is named Dick Nibbler. Yeah. I would say, don't bother with a credit if you're going with it. Why go with a credit? You know what I'm saying? Oh, I know. I know. I know.

58:51 David Alan Grier Maybe you just stick with a lot of legitimate writers write for porn. One of the guys who created my show.

58:58 Adam What?

58:59 David Alan Grier Yeah, wrote for porn. He shall remain nameless.

59:00 Drew Two Boy, One Girl, A? That's the script?

59:03 David Alan Grier He shall remain nameless because he doesn't want people to know. But there's no script. Andy Gordon. Andy Gordon. Andy Gordon. Andy Gordon wrote for porn. Andy Gordon wrote for porn. But I'm not going to.

59:12 Drew What is the script?

59:13 Adam Seven pages.

59:14 David Alan Grier The pizza man rings the doorbell.

59:18 Adam Brian.

59:18 Drew Didn't we have, who was in here? Does Jenna Jameson or somebody else tell you this? But the script would say like, I told you that. 2G1B AV. Right.

59:28 Adam No, they're seven pages long for an hour and a half movie. You got paid. Brian. Let's take some calls. Hello? What's up? You're 16.

59:35 Caller Yeah. Yeah. I'd like to talk to David Alan Grier. Here he is.

59:40 David Alan Grier Hey, what's up, man? How you doing?

59:41 Caller Okay. I kind of have the same problem. You do?

59:44 David Alan Grier What's that? You're too large?

59:46 Caller No. Okay. We sleep.

59:49 David Alan Grier Now, how many hours do you usually sleep a night?

59:52 Caller On a good day, what really happens is maybe a full night.

59:57 Drew Which is how many hours?

59:58 Caller There's about eight.

1:00:01 David Alan Grier Yeah. But you know what the thing is, when I was your age, hold on a second. I didn't have that problem.

1:00:05 Adam Let me talk about the retards that call this show. People call in and they go like, my knee's blown out, it's bad, it's giving me a lot of pain. Yeah. How often does it hurt? Well, on good days, it doesn't hurt at all. You know what? On a good day, he sleeps eight hours. Hey, Mr. Perfect. Is that a sleeping problem?

1:00:21 David Alan Grier This is a 16-year-old kid.

1:00:23 Adam He's an idiot.

1:00:24 David Alan Grier He's crying out. Don't cut him off.

1:00:26 Adam Brian?

1:00:27 Caller Hey.

1:00:28 Adam You sleep eight hours on a good day.

1:00:31 Caller Medication.

1:00:32 Drew What medication?

1:00:33 Caller Clonazepam.

1:00:34 Drew Clonazepam?

1:00:36 Caller Yeah.

1:00:36 Drew Clonazepam.

1:00:37 Caller Yeah. All right.

1:00:38 Drew You got other stuff going on?

1:00:40 Caller Um, I have, uh, I guess you'd call it depression.

1:00:45 Drew Yeah. Are you manic depressive?

1:00:48 Caller Um, not really. Just up and down type of something.

1:00:52 Drew That would be manic depressive.

1:00:53 Adam Well, what about something like a lot of exercise for a guy like this? I mean, wouldn't that help some?

1:00:58 Drew It helps, David.

1:00:59 David Alan Grier Yeah, but you know what? When I was 16, I couldn't sleep enough. I mean, because that's what you do when you're 16. You know, you hang out and I love to sleep.

1:01:10 Drew So, you're in this manic phase now, though.

1:01:13 David Alan Grier I'm not in a manic phase.

1:01:14 Drew I'm a normal person. Some people's manic cycles can last years.

1:01:18 Adam Yeah, years.

1:01:19 Drew You're started around living in color.

1:01:20 David Alan Grier Winston Churchill was manic depressive.

1:01:23 Drew So was Lenin. I'm not manic depressive. Abraham Lincoln.

1:01:26 David Alan Grier I want to kill myself now just because of you.

1:01:28 Drew So now you're going down phase.

1:01:30 Adam Hey, Brian? Yeah? What do you like to do besides take medication and sleep? You got any hobbies? Models. Models. You like to masturbate to models?

1:01:43 David Alan Grier You are so jaded.

1:01:45 Adam Ignore that. What kind of models?

1:01:48 Caller Mainly cars.

1:01:49 Adam Yeah. Are they static or do they move?

1:01:53 Caller Huh?

1:01:53 Adam Are they the kind that you just look at or can you drive them?

1:01:56 Caller They're the kind you look at.

1:01:58 Adam I see. And do you get any exercise?

1:02:01 Caller I ride my bike a lot and when I do that, I usually don't get a lot of sleep and...

1:02:06 Adam You don't get a lot of sleep. You mean on days you ride your bike a lot?

1:02:10 Caller On days I ride my bike a lot, sometimes I'll get sleep. Most of the time I don't and I don't know why.

1:02:15 Adam Uh-huh.

1:02:16 Caller All right.

1:02:17 David Alan Grier You should talk to your doctor because at your age, that doesn't sound...

1:02:22 Drew It's problematic. Yeah, it's problematic.

1:02:23 David Alan Grier I'm old. I'm old and crusty. I'm 45, you know.

1:02:26 Adam All right, Brian. What the hell should he... And by the way, the older you are, the less you sleep. Is that right, Drew?

1:02:33 Drew Yeah. Good point.

1:02:34 Adam My dad...

1:02:34 David Alan Grier So wait a minute. We're on something. So in other words, that's what you would call normal. Am I right or wrong?

1:02:41 Drew What's what I would call normal?

1:02:41 David Alan Grier No further question.

1:02:42 Witness my step down.

1:02:44 David Alan Grier You saw me. I'm right.

1:02:46 Adam I am right.

1:02:47 Drew The behavior we just witnessed, I would not call normal.

1:02:52 Adam My dad will go like, you want to do breakfast on Thursday? I go, fine. He'll go, why don't you come by about six? It's about six in the morning. I'm like, dad, I work nights. I get up about noon. How about dinner? I was like, fine. I'll come by about eight. No. He's eating dinner at like 4.35.

1:03:10 David Alan Grier Usually, but normally, I get up at six or seven in the morning.

1:03:16 Drew There's a whole thing to try to move schools later because adolescents with their hormones turning on, their sleep cyclings are such that they get very, very tired in the early morning and they want to stay up later.

1:03:29 Adam Right. They want to do like 10 to 5.

1:03:33 David Alan Grier You endorse that.

1:03:33 Drew Well, it fits the biology.

1:03:35 David Alan Grier Oh my God.

1:03:36 Adam Gary?

1:03:36 David Alan Grier They don't want to get up early because you hang out all night.

1:03:39 Drew You're talking with your friends. Listen, your whole life can be suffering and sleep deprived. You might as well learn how to do that when you're an adolescent.

1:03:45 David Alan Grier You're always down with the young people.

1:03:47 Adam Gary, you're 18.

1:03:48 Caller Yeah.

1:03:48 Adam What's up?

1:03:49 Caller I had a question about a tattoo.

1:03:51 David Alan Grier All right.

1:03:52 Caller I heard that you can be allergic to the ink. Yeah. I don't know if that's true.

1:03:56 Drew I've never seen that, but I imagine that's possible.

1:03:59 Adam Why have you never seen it? Because it doesn't get into the system.

1:04:03 Drew It's inert. It's not something the body can react to.

1:04:06 Adam Why? Well, all right. Forget the reason why it doesn't happen. So don't worry about it, Gary. What tan are you going to get?

1:04:16 David Alan Grier Some people of color, when they get tattoos, they kind of get a keloid or raised scarring.

1:04:23 Adam I'll tell you, black guys used to just not get tattoos.

1:04:27 David Alan Grier I know. It looks like a big mold, doesn't it? Like when you see a really dark black guy and he like has a huge tattoo, you know, like flaming eagle on his back. It just looks like a hairy mold.

1:04:37 Adam To me, it looks like when I'm watching a movie and the boom mic dips into the shot, like I go, did that dude have a tattoo?

1:04:44 David Alan Grier I don't want to have to have like a magnifying glass and a magic light going, oh yeah, nice tattoo.

1:04:50 Adam I said, I've said, why not white ink for black guys? I mean, wouldn't that be more effective?

1:04:57 David Alan Grier Don't go into your clan material when I'm here, mister, because I'll put the boxing gloves right now. We can get in the ring, baby.

1:05:03 Adam Get in the ring! No, no, but can't they do a white ink? What's wrong with a white ink?

1:05:07 David Alan Grier Well, he has a good point because now they brand cattle and they use some kind of oxidation, so they don't burn them, but when you look at cattle and horses, it's like white. They've taken all the color out of the pigment.

1:05:21 Adam Yeah, let's start doing that with black guys, start branding them with a pigment stick.

1:05:25 David Alan Grier If you could do that, you'd make a lot of money.

1:05:26 Adam I think I would.

1:05:27 David Alan Grier A lot of money.

1:05:28 Adam All right. That's a good idea. Natasha?

1:05:32 Yeah.

1:05:33 Adam You're 21.

1:05:34 Caller Yeah.

1:05:34 Caller What's up?

1:05:36 Caller So, yeah, I'm kind of trying to figure out when a person should know to break up with their boyfriend.

1:05:45 Adam When they call radio shows and ask about it.

1:05:49 Caller Well, I see a counselor, but I'm really not getting any of the questions answered that I want. I'm getting like, oh, you need to release your chi, like crap like that.

1:06:00 David Alan Grier What did your boyfriend do?

1:06:02 Caller It was actually me. What did you do? I cheated on him about eight months ago.

1:06:06 David Alan Grier Right.

1:06:07 Caller But it's something that I definitely morally oppose.

1:06:12 Drew But you're cheating because you're done with the relationship.

1:06:14 David Alan Grier Well, stop, stop right there. How old are you again? Okay. That's what you're supposed to do when you're twelve. Are you married to him? Do you live together?

1:06:22 Caller We did. We're in a bit of a separation, like a trial.

1:06:25 Drew Yeah. No, no. You need to listen. It's time to end. You're just not accustomed to ending relationships. This is a relationship that would have ended after two months. It will end after two months at the age of 28. But now you go on for a few years.

1:06:37 Adam How long have you been with him?

1:06:38 Drew Three years. Yeah.

1:06:39 Adam Yeah.

1:06:40 Drew It's over.

1:06:40 Adam You should have ended it at 19.

1:06:42 Drew I'm much, much, much more concerned with a therapist that says you need to release your chi, however.

1:06:47 Adam He didn't say that. Yes, he did.

1:06:50 David Alan Grier But where did you find this therapist?

1:06:51 Drew You should run out of the door screaming.

1:06:54 Caller Yeah. He's not so good out of the therapist that I've had.

1:06:59 David Alan Grier How many have you had?

1:07:00 Drew Release your chi?

1:07:01 Caller A few.

1:07:01 Adam Nobody said that.

1:07:02 David Alan Grier Why are you in therapy?

1:07:05 Caller This time because I cheated on my boyfriend and it's like hard to deal with.

1:07:10 Adam Did you tell your boyfriend you cheated on him?

1:07:12 David Alan Grier Stop. Don't say anything. I'm going to bet you some money that she did tell him.

1:07:17 Adam Oh, yes. Of course, she did.

1:07:19 Caller Absolutely.

1:07:20 Drew Wait, are we going to bet money?

1:07:21 David Alan Grier Yeah. Let's bet some money. I got 20. I got 20. Don't say anything. Don't say anything. Don't say anything. We're betting. We're betting. Go ahead. Not 20. 20 bucks.

1:07:30 Adam Drew can't do 20.

1:07:31 David Alan Grier 20 bucks. Come on.

1:07:32 Adam Drew's got three kids. He can't support.

1:07:33 David Alan Grier I'll go even further. I'll put 30 on the table that says, she told her boyfriend she cheated on him and she brought the guy and they all went to the therapist together.

1:07:42 Drew No. It's going to be some sort of she told him almost. She almost told him. She told him something kind of happened.

1:07:50 Adam I think she told him. I think she told him. Natasha?

1:07:52 Drew What happened?

1:07:54 Caller I didn't tell him at all. It was actually someone that I met through a friend or a friend of his sort of thing, but he found out by going through my email and contacted him and he's the one who told him.

1:08:11 Adam And the guy finked on him and his penis and his sack and you all at the same time when he called him? Why would the guy tell him? Why would the guy admit to it?

1:08:21 David Alan Grier Guys don't do that.

1:08:23 Caller This one did. They're all like, they're all Muslim and moral kind of guys except...

1:08:30 Drew Except when it comes to cheating.

1:08:32 David Alan Grier You're lucky that you weren't stoned to death. And I'm not kidding. Did your parents try and smother you?

1:08:38 Caller My parents?

1:08:39 David Alan Grier Yeah. Did you grow up in a Muslim household?

1:08:42 Caller No, I didn't.

1:08:43 Adam Alright. So these guys are Muslim.

1:08:45 Caller I'm not Muslim.

1:08:46 Adam These guys are.

1:08:48 Caller Yeah.

1:08:48 Adam Okay.

1:08:49 David Alan Grier Try dating out of the faith. Get yourself a black man. You know what they say, once you go black, you never go back.

1:08:54 Adam They got black Muslims?

1:08:55 David Alan Grier Get you some. Well, yeah, well, that's a little harder.

1:08:57 Caller Isn't Islam like a predominantly black faith?

1:09:00 No.

1:09:01 Adam What color is this guy?

1:09:02 David Alan Grier You need to read some books, honey. They come in all shades and colors.

1:09:06 Drew What are we doing here with this?

1:09:07 Adam Just break up with him.

1:09:08 Drew Yeah. This relationship needs to end. It sounds like more than a therapist, you need like, you know, life 101. You need to be out there living a little bit.

1:09:20 Adam Because you're 21 and you've led a fairly sheltered life and you're sort of confused about.

1:09:25 Caller How do you, I don't think you guys really have any sort of background. No, no.

1:09:29 Drew I want to hear it.

1:09:29 Caller I've done partying, I've like drank and done plenty of drugs and That's not living life. partners and that sort of thing. I just felt like I was done.

1:09:37 Adam I'm not saying you're not a whore. I'm saying that you're naive.

1:09:42 Drew No, I mean, I've never.

1:09:44 Caller And how does one become not naive?

1:09:47 Adam Well, one gets out of a oppressive relationship. Right, that goes on.

1:09:52 You must live life.

1:09:53 Adam Thanks, Yoda.

1:09:53 Caller And by living life, you become not naive. If you stay naive, you are not living life.

1:09:59 Adam That's Yoda's black brother, Yoda.

1:10:02 Caller It's border. So go to live life, life will live you, and you will live each other, and you will no longer be naive.

1:10:08 Caller I think this is like something serious. You guys are like.

1:10:11 Adam All right.

1:10:11 Drew Listen. Wait a minute. Listen. My concern is that you run to a therapist. You've had multiple different therapists, which is a bad sign. You run to therapist because you cheated on someone as opposed to just managing the situation straight on by yourself.

1:10:24 Adam You're sticking hard.

1:10:25 Drew And by your description, the therapist is totally inadequate. These are all inability to just assert what you need from life, all these things. So it's like you need to just step up and begin living, and being assertive, and being clear with what you want.

1:10:41 Caller I'm being assertive because I feel like I've made a wrong decision. I'm not sure why I go see a therapist.

1:10:47 Drew Okay.

1:10:47 Adam Hold on. Natasha, I'm going to talk for 20 seconds. I'm going to change your life.

1:10:51 Drew Now, I think she's a therapist.

1:10:53 Adam I take a leak.

1:10:53 Drew I take it all back.

1:10:54 Adam She's a little angry, this Natasha. Now, listen, if your therapist is an idiot and told you, you were releasing your chi, then go find another therapist.

1:11:03 Drew If your boyfriend's an idiot and you don't want to be in that relationship.

1:11:05 David Alan Grier Can I say something? I don't think you're helping her. Natasha, I think you are smart enough to know that when you slept with another guy, that's a way of acting out, you own up to it. You say, look, maybe I shouldn't be in any relationship until I figure out what I want. You don't need to go to a therapist for that.

1:11:28 Caller I've been trying to figure out what I want for the past eight months.

1:11:31 David Alan Grier But you can take much longer than that. You're doing great.

1:11:35 Drew Do it on your own. And by the way, in a sort of healthier position to take when you ask people for advice is to just take it in. If you don't agree with it, you don't want to assimilate it, fine, but don't argue with it.

1:11:48 Adam I'm not done with this. Natasha.

1:11:49 Are you arguing with me, Dr. Drew?

1:11:51 Drew No, she's arguing with me.

1:11:52 David Alan Grier No, you're arguing with me. I'm trying to tell you something.

1:11:56 Drew Wear the gloves.

1:11:57 David Alan Grier Oh, yeah, look at the face he's making.

1:11:58 Drew Wear the gloves.

1:11:59 David Alan Grier Can you take my criticism, Dr. Drew?

1:12:01 David Alan Grier You're not always right.

1:12:04 David Alan Grier Always with the answers.

1:12:06 Drew So, go ahead, Anna.

1:12:07 Adam Yes. Natasha, are you an angry person?

1:12:12 Caller Not generally, I suppose. Not so tolerant.

1:12:17 Adam All right. You're one of these people. I'll give you my honest assessment. You're smart, except for that hurts you more than it helps you. It really does.

1:12:26 Drew She's up in her head all the time.

1:12:27 Adam You're up in your head all the time.

1:12:29 David Alan Grier She likes that. I think you're a big dummy.

1:12:32 Adam She's an intelligent person whose intelligence is stopping her from living life because everything's intellectualized.

1:12:38 Drew Right.

1:12:38 Adam Okay. We're going to take a little break. David Alan Grier is here.

1:12:42 David Alan Grier I'm staying. Give me the next caller. Sibyl.

1:12:44 Adam And we'll be back.

1:12:45 David Alan Grier Why are there so many of you?

1:12:48 Caller Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready. Ready.

1:13:21 Caller This dance is hilarious.

1:13:22 Adam Hey, it's Loveline, everybody. I'm an ex-jock, you know.

1:13:26 David Alan Grier Let's try and take as many calls, because I feel bad. Let's try and save as many babies as we can.

1:13:30 Adam Okay.

1:13:31 David Alan Grier Enough about me.

1:13:31 Adam Let me give a quick plug, though. David Alan Grier here tonight, Thursday through Sunday at the Irvine Spectrum, in Irvine, at the Irvine Improv over there. Two shows, Friday and Saturday night, everybody. Dawn.

1:13:46 Yeah.

1:13:46 Adam You're 17.

1:13:47 Caller Yes, I am.

1:13:48 Adam What is up?

1:13:49 Caller Not much. Well, actually, yeah. I was wondering about safe blood play. My boyfriend and I are into blood play, and both of us have a lot of piercings. I was wondering how likely it was that by either licking blood off each other or by having contact with our open piercings, how likely it is we could contact STDs.

1:14:10 Adam This is known as blood play?

1:14:12 Caller Yes.

1:14:12 David Alan Grier I was going to ask for a definition.

1:14:14 Drew I was wanting to know that too.

1:14:15 David Alan Grier Could you give a formal definition of blood play?

1:14:19 Caller To some of the community, it's play piercing people who will pierce parts of their body with temporarily during sex and then remove the piercings afterwards. I'm not into that. I'm into cutting during sex.

1:14:33 David Alan Grier What do you use?

1:14:35 Caller We use either razor blades or penises.

1:14:38 David Alan Grier And what part of the body?

1:14:41 Caller I like it on my back. He likes it on his thighs.

1:14:44 Drew Well, here's what that is to me. That is some sort of dysfunction of your arousal system that you have to stimulate so profoundly in order to experience arousal and sexual responsiveness that you need to do this yourself in order to complete the experience. And something burned that out long ago.

1:15:03 David Alan Grier Did you, who initiated this for you? Was it your boyfriend? Did you guys, were you guys both into it and you came together? How did it start?

1:15:10 Caller It started, well, for me personally, I haven't really talked about how he got into it with him. For me it was, I started cutting myself, like just when I was aroused or when I was stressed out actually too.

1:15:23 Drew Right. It's a way of managing affect. It's a way of managing things that are overwhelming.

1:15:27 Adam All right. But you want to know if it's dangerous. Were you molested?

1:15:30 Caller No, I was never molested.

1:15:31 Drew Not physically abused?

1:15:32 Caller No.

1:15:33 Adam It's funny. How did, what led you to this? The cutting on yourself.

1:15:37 Drew Do you have an eating disorder?

1:15:38 Caller No.

1:15:39 Adam Well, she eats blood. Is that an eating disorder?

1:15:41 Drew No, it's not.

1:15:43 Caller No, I'm actually fairly normal.

1:15:48 David Alan Grier Have you ever cut too deep?

1:15:49 Caller No. No, we're really careful about it.

1:15:51 Drew Wait a minute.

1:15:52 David Alan Grier Because let me tell you right now, honey, if I'm banging and I got a razor blade, oopsie doodle, OJ number two.

1:15:57 Adam That's right.

1:15:58 David Alan Grier Here I am with the police and Swiss Army. And I've gone, you guys aren't going to believe this, but she wanted me to cut her.

1:16:04 Adam Well, David told me candidly, that's just one more slit to fill.

1:16:10 Caller I love you, Adam.

1:16:11 David Alan Grier Oh, that's so beautiful. Thank you.

1:16:13 Drew But, Don, this isn't fitting for me.

1:16:16 Adam Yeah, something's missing here for me too, Don.

1:16:18 David Alan Grier And, you know, I usually argue with you, but I don't know, I mean.

1:16:22 Adam Why were you cutting on yourself before you got into your blood and blood?

1:16:27 Caller My parents forced me a lot to, I was pushed to overachieve in high school a lot. And, they really stressed me out, and I started cutting in high school, actually, when, you know, midterms or finals came around, and I started getting really stressed out. That was how I dealt with it.

1:16:40 Adam I started cutting around midterms and finals too, but more traditional cutting.

1:16:44 Drew Farts.

1:16:45 Adam No, I was at the beach. I was actually cutting school.

1:16:48 David Alan Grier Ladies and gentlemen, Adam Carolla.

1:16:50 Adam Enjoy your headline.

1:16:51 Drew So you were abused emotionally.

1:16:53 Adam Enjoy your middle act.

1:16:53 Drew Yes.

1:16:56 Caller I wouldn't have actually called it abuse, though. It was just pressure. You know, every kid has pressure, usually by their parents, you know.

1:17:03 Drew Yeah, you're abused. You don't react like that. Would you not agree that she was abused?

1:17:08 David Alan Grier Well, I don't know if she was abused, but what do you call cutting? Isn't there like some, you know?

1:17:12 Drew Cutting.

1:17:13 David Alan Grier Is it mostly women who do that, though?

1:17:15 Drew Mostly, but men do it too sometimes.

1:17:16 Adam Yeah, it does seem like mostly women. Because what? Men who are that way just go out, join the football team or join the army.

1:17:23 Drew They act out on other people.

1:17:25 David Alan Grier Yeah, usually with guns and in column line, maybe.

1:17:28 Adam All right. So, so, Dawn? Yes. You want to know what diseases can be passed?

1:17:33 Caller Well, I just want to know how likely it is that through contact, if like I have a new piercing and if, you know, his blood gets on my new piercing, how likely it is that I could contact a sexually transmitted...

1:17:44 Drew If he has a blood-borne sexually transmitted disease, then that would be likely.

1:17:49 David Alan Grier What are the blood-borne ones? Have you guys been tested?

1:17:52 Drew Yeah.

1:17:52 Caller We've both been tested and I was just curious because I get a lot of piercings and, you know, I'm with guys that have lots of piercings and I just wanted to...

1:18:01 Drew No one ever... Your parents never struck you, never hit you.

1:18:04 David Alan Grier Did you get the old love button pierced?

1:18:07 Caller Oh, God, no.

1:18:09 David Alan Grier You know what I'm saying.

1:18:10 Adam What do you have pierced so far?

1:18:12 Caller I have my navel, my nipple, my tongue, my lip, my nose and my eyebrow.

1:18:16 Adam All right.

1:18:17 Drew I find...

1:18:18 David Alan Grier Go ahead.

1:18:19 Caller The reason African-American men or anybody don't get white ink tattooed is because when their skin heals, the pigment returns, so the tattoos like erase.

1:18:31 Adam If you got white ink in there.

1:18:33 Caller If you have white ink and actually white ink shows up really the best on actually people with paler skin because it stands out in higher contrast.

1:18:40 David Alan Grier I find piercings boring at this point because everybody has them.

1:18:44 Adam Let me just back up and explore that last statement. White shows up better on people with paler skin because it has a better contrast.

1:18:52 Caller People aren't really white, but people-

1:18:54 Adam So you're saying like liquid paper shows up more on white paper than it would on black paper?

1:18:59 David Alan Grier What she's saying is black licorice is not really licorice. That's not really licorice. It's brown.

1:19:03 Drew The what?

1:19:04 Caller Black paper does not heal. The thing is when black skin heals, the pigment returns.

1:19:13 David Alan Grier Is this some derivation of keloid scarring?

1:19:16 Adam No. What about colored ink, ironically, on black people?

1:19:20 Caller I don't know. I dated a guy who was black and had a huge tattoo done on his back in white and it looked beautiful the first day. And a week later it started fading and after two weeks it was barely visible.

1:19:33 David Alan Grier Well, how dark was the brother, baby? Use a paper bag.

1:19:36 Caller He was a...

1:19:37 David Alan Grier Where's Palms Purple? Talk to me, girl. Let me know something.

1:19:41 Adam All right, Don. Don, listen, whatever can be passed through the blood is whatever you can get, AIDS, hepatitis, what else, Drew, as far as sexually transmitted diseases. But Don...

1:19:51 Drew Dengue fever.

1:19:52 Adam Don, I know you're another one of these people with a high IQ but you're stupid anyway. You got to look into this stuff because you got something going on.

1:20:00 David Alan Grier These things are boring. They're so boring. Every idiot I know has their tongue pierced.

1:20:05 Drew There's an inch of going on with Don. I don't understand why we can't get at it.

1:20:08 Adam She don't want to talk about it.

1:20:08 David Alan Grier Well, because it's a radio show and yeah.

1:20:11 Adam She's smarter and we aren't.

1:20:13 David Alan Grier I am not that energetic to cut bone and what else?

1:20:18 Pierce, all that stuff.

1:20:19 David Alan Grier I know.

1:20:21 Adam Let me say this about the brother man.

1:20:23 David Alan Grier Talk to me man. Let me know.

1:20:25 Adam You guys aren't into the weird ass. You're into the straight ass.

1:20:30 David Alan Grier No.

1:20:30 Adam You want to get laid and you like.

1:20:34 Drew This is a weird guy.

1:20:35 David Alan Grier We haven't really talked about this Adam, but I'm not that guy you're talking about.

1:20:38 Drew You're not the straight guy.

1:20:39 Adam I know, but we've been.

1:20:40 Drew You're half Jewish.

1:20:42 David Alan Grier I like women with an open mind. That's all I'll say.

1:20:44 Drew Like what? What does that mean?

1:20:45 David Alan Grier I can't say it on the hair. You mean Dirty Sanchez?

1:20:50 Adam You don't want any cutting. You don't want any piercing.

1:20:55 David Alan Grier Piercings are boring.

1:20:56 David Alan Grier He wants something more substantial.

1:20:58 Caller And I hate those.

1:21:00 David Alan Grier No, I don't want to cut anybody.

1:21:01 David Alan Grier No, just the same way. I don't want. I look at baby when I'm going to get your doggies down. Then I want to shoot your toe.

1:21:06 David Alan Grier Just put a 22 just.

1:21:09 David Alan Grier No, I don't want to do all that. Right.

1:21:11 Drew Too much energy.

1:21:12 David Alan Grier Yeah. No, I don't want to cut anybody.

1:21:14 Drew Jason, what is the weird stuff he's into it?

1:21:16 David Alan Grier We'll talk off the air.

1:21:18 Adam Jason.

1:21:18 Yes.

1:21:19 Adam You're 20.

1:21:20 Caller Yes.

1:21:20 Adam What's up?

1:21:21 Caller This is Adam.

1:21:22 Adam Yes.

1:21:23 Caller You're awesome. You're incredible. Dr. Drew, biggest genius in the world. David, very funny.

1:21:29 Adam Thank you. Thank you.

1:21:30 Caller My question is, my girlfriend, she's really into anal sex. This is the first chick I've been with that's really been into it as much as she is. But when she has an orgasm, she starts crying.

1:21:43 David Alan Grier That's good.

1:21:45 Drew You are in some weird ass, aren't you?

1:21:46 David Alan Grier That's good. That's good.

1:21:47 Adam Does she have an orgasm via anal sex?

1:21:50 Caller Yes. Well, a little clitoral stimulation as well.

1:21:53 Adam Do you give her the reach around?

1:21:54 Caller Yes.

1:21:55 David Alan Grier Let me tell you something. You're hitting pay dirt, my friend, when you don't have to do that reach around.

1:21:59 Adam And how do you know she's crying when you're behind her that way?

1:22:02 Caller Well, it took me a while. It was like three weeks when we were doing this before I finally realized, but then we realized what? got on the Karma Sutra and started trying some other positions and it kind of noticed that she was crying. Yeah.

1:22:14 Adam And she cries during every orgasm? No. Only in anal sex. Have you asked her about it?

1:22:21 Caller Yeah. She's kind of defensive. She doesn't seem to want to talk about it very much.

1:22:25 Adam How old is she?

1:22:26 Caller 24.

1:22:27 David Alan Grier Has she ever said the following? Stop it. Stop it, daddy.

1:22:30 Caller Excuse me?

1:22:31 David Alan Grier Has she ever said the following words? Stop it. Stop it.

1:22:34 Caller No.

1:22:34 David Alan Grier You're hurting me.

1:22:35 Caller No. I've suggested that we not do it. And she's into it.

1:22:39 Adam OK. So she doesn't. How long have you been with her?

1:22:43 Caller About three months now.

1:22:44 Adam OK. Jason, let me give you some real world advice here. You're not going to marry this nut job.

1:22:49 Caller No, I'm not.

1:22:50 Adam No, you're not.

1:22:50 David Alan Grier But enjoy the freak.

1:22:52 Adam Enjoy the ride. You don't have to get to the bottom of this.

1:22:55 Caller I don't.

1:22:55 Adam No, pardon the pun.

1:22:57 David Alan Grier You know why, you know why what Adam is talking about? Because if you do marry her, imagine you're 75.

1:23:02 David Alan Grier Me and your grandmother, for 50 years, living and enjoying sex. And I tell you right now, I can get my whole head in her butt. I love her to death.

1:23:13 David Alan Grier You don't want to grow old like that, right?

1:23:14 Adam I got him the windbreaker that said, Champion Corn Holder on it in 1954. And I stand by that.

1:23:23 Caller When your grandmother gets you a free con, boy, I tell you what, Papa's happy. You don't want to grow old like that.

1:23:31 Adam Now, son, I have what's called a mushroom dick. It's big on the end. And so when it goes into grandma, it literally locks her up like a dog.

1:23:42 Caller Hell, let's show them.

1:23:44 Adam Honey, pull down the support hose and the depends. Come here. And Bobby, you get ready with the hose. Because we get locked up.

1:23:54 Caller Somebody get a camera.

1:23:55 David Alan Grier Yeah, there's nothing worse than an old freak.

1:23:59 Adam Here's what I'd like to say to the young men and young women listening to this show. Think of all the people we were with, who we never ended up marrying, and who we were so concerned about, and we had to dig, and we had to scrape, and we had to gnaw, and we had to get to the truth, and we had to explore. Meanwhile, the relationship was over two and a half months later, and all we got was a handful of grief because of all the clawing and gnawing we did for the truth. There's certain people that you're going to spend the rest of your life with. This is not one of them. So, forget it, enjoy the ride.

1:24:34 David Alan Grier Hey Dr. Drew, do you agree that nine times out of ten, the most intense sexual relationship that you have is not the person you should marry?

1:24:44 Adam You are a freak. Yes, it's true, David is right. We're going to take a break. We'll be back with a Madness Oxycon question after this.

1:24:55 Caller Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline.

1:25:27 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. David Alan Grier is our guest tonight.

1:25:30 Caller What's up, man? How you doing?

1:25:31 Adam Find him out in Irvine at the Irvine Spectrum Improv this week, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, two shows, Friday and Saturday.

1:25:41 David Alan Grier Also, first week of September, I'm going to be whooping your ass in your backyard. Where? Over in Adam's place. We're going to be boxing.

1:25:49 Drew This doesn't seem like David was here like three weeks ago.

1:25:53 Adam Oh, you bastard. It does when we get into the second hour and we've had to ask for a moment.

1:25:56 Drew No, I mean in the best way. I mean a good way. He likes to hear a lot.

1:26:00 Adam I love it.

1:26:01 David Alan Grier I love the show.

1:26:02 Drew Yeah, but it's been a long time.

1:26:03 Adam I like David. I do. I'd like to hang out with David a little more socially.

1:26:08 David Alan Grier I know, but you know what?

1:26:09 Drew How come you guys never include me in that? I'm getting a little bit offended by you.

1:26:12 Adam I'm not going anywhere.

1:26:13 David Alan Grier Because Mr. Judgment, anything we do. What would Drew say? If you watched us box, you'd be like, what's going on?

1:26:20 Drew No, no.

1:26:22 David Alan Grier Why do you keep hitting him, Adam?

1:26:23 Drew I want to box too. My neck has just barely recovered from two years ago when you have to get up so badly.

1:26:28 Adam Listen, when David gets off the road, we're going to get back in a little regiment.

1:26:34 Drew Will you invite me?

1:26:35 Adam Yes, I will. And David, let me take it a step further. Maybe a little cup of coffee afterwards.

1:26:39 David Alan Grier Okay. Yeah.

1:26:40 David Alan Grier And can you not call me like a pissed off date? Like, I'm tired of chasing you around town. Call me back.

1:26:46 David Alan Grier I love you.

1:26:48 Adam Adam. Okay. All right. Sorry, dude. Well, he tells me once we get together and then I call him three times and he doesn't call me back.

1:26:55 David Alan Grier He does call me once and I do. I am a little wayward that way, but it's usually when I'm out of town. But let's say some babies.

1:27:00 Caller Come on.

1:27:01 Adam All right. Matt? Yeah. You're 15.

1:27:04 Caller I got to say, Adam, I love The Man Show.

1:27:06 Adam Oh, thank you very much.

1:27:07 Caller Great show on television.

1:27:08 Caller My dad watches it every Sunday.

1:27:10 Caller No. But I have a question for Dr. Drew. I took Oxycontin at an ankle injury as a painkiller. I took it a few times.

1:27:17 Caller Is there any long-term effects from it?

1:27:19 Drew No, no. It's an opiate. It's just like Vicodin. It's just like codeine. It's just a very concentrated dose, a very high dose of it. It's become a... It has been a popular street drug for a couple of years. It's just that magically the press caught wind of how popular it's become now. And I've been treating it for quite some time. But it's a profoundly addictive drug.

1:27:38 Adam If you took an oxi... Why would a doctor prescribe an oxycontin as opposed to a Vicodin?

1:27:43 Drew Longer acting.

1:27:45 Adam So you wouldn't have to take as many pills.

1:27:47 Drew Right.

1:27:48 Adam Better pain control.

1:27:50 David Alan Grier Is it pills?

1:27:50 Drew More potent, yeah.

1:27:51 Caller What's the best painkiller out there?

1:27:54 Drew It depends what you're...

1:27:55 David Alan Grier I got the best painkiller. I crushed a disc in my back.

1:27:58 Drew Dilauded.

1:27:58 David Alan Grier This doctor gave me a nasal inhaler.

1:28:02 Drew Oh, stay at all.

1:28:03 David Alan Grier And he said one spray.

1:28:04 Drew Stay at all, yeah.

1:28:06 David Alan Grier Dr. Drew, I threw myself in front of a big blue bus to try and get more of this stuff. Never in my life. He said one squirt. Oh my God. It was three days' worth. I don't know what it was, but it was the best.

1:28:19 Drew Stay at all. Yeah, stay at all.

1:28:20 Adam And you took a squirt, and what did you feel like?

1:28:22 Caller Oh, I felt like...

1:28:25 Drew David, David, what do you call a hospital?

1:28:27 Adam What is that?

1:28:28 Drew He's coming with me.

1:28:28 Adam Oh, that's great.

1:28:29 Caller It was great.

1:28:30 Adam As a doctor, can you take him? Can you commandeer David Alan Grier?

1:28:35 David Alan Grier Oh, but you know what? If I ever had a problem, I absolutely would call you.

1:28:39 Drew If I felt like I was gravely impaired, or seriously potential harm to self or other...

1:28:44 Adam One shot of the nasal stuff, and your whole body is warm kind of thing?

1:28:47 David Alan Grier Oh, I was so looped.

1:28:49 Adam Really?

1:28:49 David Alan Grier Yeah, because I had to go back to work, and I don't know how I drove to the studio. It's a long story, but anyway, for three days, I was in a lot of pain, and he gave me this stuff. I never did it again. I don't know what it is. He gave me that and some tablets, but this stuff, but Dr. Drew, he touched my back where this thing was. I was about to leave. I broke out in a sweat. I almost vomited, and I thought I was going to pass out. Tears were rolling. I mean, it was way over the top, so I didn't need it. I just want to get some more.

1:29:19 Adam Jason?

1:29:20 Drew With the boost bar and the tracidome, and what was the other thing? Xanax.

1:29:24 David Alan Grier A fine glass of Bordeaux just to top it off.

1:29:27 Caller Well, Maquil, on the rocks.

1:29:30 Adam Jason?

1:29:30 Caller Red Bull.

1:29:31 Adam You're 17?

1:29:32 Caller Yes. What's up? Well, I'm gay.

1:29:40 Adam Yeah.

1:29:40 Caller I've kind of known in the back of my mind that I've been gay for a while. Right.

1:29:45 Adam You say back of your mind or back of your behind?

1:29:48 Caller I've known it inside, you know, but I've just been kind of scared to tell someone because I mean, I just didn't think it would be accepted. But then I met this guy at my school. His name is Zack. Yeah.

1:30:05 Adam It's funny. David knew it was bogus at the very beginning. I think we're all kind of looking at each other. Sorry, Jason.

1:30:13 Caller Why?

1:30:13 Adam We don't believe you.

1:30:15 David Alan Grier Listen, son, take some improv classes. Good luck in your career.

1:30:18 Adam Who, what, where? Not only that, but and bring something to the party.

1:30:22 Drew And don't use people, people who are going to use bogus called us do not use names because people who really are concerned about anonymity do not use any names.

1:30:31 Adam Right.

1:30:31 Drew I met this guy named Zach. I'm from Washington, NYU's high school.

1:30:36 Caller Or it's like the friend, I have a friend who's in AA and he tells me all the famous people.

1:30:40 Caller Oh, I love that.

1:30:43 David Alan Grier You know that dude on that series with the car?

1:30:45 David Alan Grier He was looped in last night's Midnight Madness Meet, man. His life is screwed up.

1:30:50 David Alan Grier I'm like, dude, anonymity.

1:30:52 David Alan Grier Oh, my gosh.

1:30:54 David Alan Grier People are so sick.

1:30:56 David Alan Grier Come on, we have 10 minutes.

1:30:57 David Alan Grier We can take some babies.

1:30:57 Adam No, no, I'm done. I want to help some more people. No, you're not.

1:30:59 David Alan Grier You are not. You're a doctor.

1:31:00 Adam That's right. Melissa?

1:31:02 Caller Yeah.

1:31:02 Adam You're 15. You have stretch marks?

1:31:04 Caller Yeah, on my hips and my thighs.

1:31:07 Drew Maybe laser. Some dermatologist might try that. Does that really work?

1:31:11 Adam I'll tell you, as a guy who likes to pick on women physically, I do not mind stretch marks. No problem with that.

1:31:18 Drew You like them.

1:31:20 Adam To me, it says there's big jugs just around the corner.

1:31:23 Caller No, no.

1:31:25 Drew Not at all.

1:31:25 David Alan Grier Were you overweight?

1:31:27 Caller No, not really.

1:31:28 Caller Like in the last month, I gained like 20 pounds, but that's only because it's like summer.

1:31:34 David Alan Grier Are they really bad or are they-

1:31:35 Adam Hold on. Everyone likes to pack on 20 pounds for the summer. I've seen the Bally's commercials.

1:31:40 David Alan Grier I'm trying to.

1:31:40 Adam Summer's just around the corner. It's time to start eating.

1:31:43 David Alan Grier Adam, you get meaner the later it gets, but you see Dr. Drew, how calm I am. I'm full of blood.

1:31:48 Drew Yes, you're yourself. You released your chi.

1:31:51 David Alan Grier Don't attack her.

1:31:52 Adam Lasers will get rid of it. Other than that, there's no real topical cream that's going to do anything.

1:31:56 Drew There's really probably nothing.

1:31:57 Adam But I'm telling you, it ain't a big deal.

1:31:59 David Alan Grier Find like cocoa butter or anything?

1:32:01 Drew No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

1:32:02 David Alan Grier You know what? My grandma used bacon fat.

1:32:06 Adam As what?

1:32:08 Drew A lubricant.

1:32:09 Caller A lubricant.

1:32:11 Caller Shut up.

1:32:12 Caller Here we go.

1:32:15 David Alan Grier Next caller. Come on.

1:32:16 Drew We're done. We're done.

1:32:17 David Alan Grier No way.

1:32:17 Caller You have six minutes.

1:32:19 Caller I want another caller.

1:32:20 Drew No, no.

1:32:21 Caller Press the button.

1:32:21 Drew No, no, no.

1:32:22 Caller Hello.

1:32:23 Caller Who is it? Please.

1:32:24 Caller Come on.

1:32:24 Drew Hello.

1:32:25 Caller Hello. All right.

1:32:26 Caller Come on.

1:32:27 Caller One more.

1:32:28 Adam Let's settle down.

1:32:29 Caller Just take a breath.

1:32:30 Adam Drew, write David a prescription for whatever he wants.

1:32:33 Caller One more caller.

1:32:34 Drew I'm calling for the ambulance.

1:32:35 Caller One more.

1:32:36 Drew Take a call.

1:32:37 Adam Nicole?

1:32:38 Caller Yeah.

1:32:38 Adam All right. You give your boyfriend hand jobs?

1:32:41 Caller Yeah.

1:32:41 Adam But he doesn't have an orgasm?

1:32:44 Caller Well, like, we've had sex before. But, like, when I put my hands down, his pants were just, like, messing around. Like, he said he'd only come once on the phone to me. But, like, I don't know what it is that comes out when we're messing around.

1:33:00 Caller Um, all right. I'm guessing.

1:33:03 David Alan Grier You know what the scariest part of that? He only come to once.

1:33:05 Caller I know.

1:33:06 Caller Out.

1:33:08 David Alan Grier Can you feed these children in this hillbilly holler?

1:33:11 Adam We usually get.

1:33:11 David Alan Grier They don't know what the color purple is.

1:33:13 Adam He only done come once.

1:33:16 David Alan Grier His big boy spit at me one time, but it wasn't angry.

1:33:21 Adam Luckily, it hit me where my two fish used to be.

1:33:23 David Alan Grier My two fish.

1:33:24 Adam We'll take a break. Hey, everybody, Loveline. David Alan Grier.

1:34:05 Drew You can just sit here till tomorrow night. We'll start up again at 10 o'clock tomorrow night.

1:34:08 Adam Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. This week at the Irvine Spectrum, the Irvine Improv. Two shows Friday, two shows Saturday.

1:34:18 David Alan Grier One show Saturday, next call.

1:34:20 Adam I have real fast just for kicks. Shannon?

1:34:22 Caller Hey.

1:34:23 Adam Hey, you're 14? Yes. When you get a cut.

1:34:27 Caller I'm not even a cut. Just if I scratch my arm, like if it itches.

1:34:30 Adam Right. It just swells up.

1:34:33 Drew Boring. That's actually, yeah, that can be an allergic type reaction. Yeah.

1:34:38 Adam So who should she go to?

1:34:39 David Alan Grier An allergen.

1:34:40 Drew Well, talk to your doctor about it. Yeah. That's maybe called something called dermatographism, where you scratch and you get this raised area where you cry.

1:34:47 David Alan Grier And you can do it during sex.

1:34:49 Adam David Alan Grier, everybody. Always a pleasure.

1:34:52 Drew Yeah.

1:34:53 Adam A dynamite individual.

1:34:54 David Alan Grier Hey, guys, I just want to leave you with some wisdom. Find joy in every moment that you live. You, Mr. Angry Man, Dr. Drew.

1:35:01 Drew Where's the vomit sound? Oh, my chi.

1:35:02 David Alan Grier Ah, release your chi.

1:35:05 Drew Thank you.

1:35:07 David Alan Grier No more of that. And you, Adam, twinkle toes, call me up.

1:35:11 Caller All right, buddy.

1:35:13 Adam I'm going to call you. We're going to hit them focus clubs.

1:35:15 David Alan Grier We didn't talk about Roy Jones.

1:35:17 Adam Oh, yeah, we got to talk. We got to talk. We'll talk now. So until next time, Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew, saying mahalo.

1:35:23 David Alan Grier See my finger, see my thumb, we got the ball, you better run. S-O-C-K-I-T, socket to me. One, two, three, four, five, cast, don't take no job. Come on, baby, we're going to win.

1:35:39 Caller Oh, that's a cheer, baby.

1:35:41 David Alan Grier That's a cheer.

1:35:42 Caller The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, July 31, 2001