Episode 1000754886890

1:01 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:13 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, it's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Dr. Drew. Board-certified internist. God bless you. And addiction medicine specialist. Tonight, our guest is Bill Dwyer. Bill is the guy from BattleBots.

1:34 Yeah.

1:34 Adam This is one of my-

1:35 The ugly guy now this season.

1:37 Adam One of my favorite shows. Yeah, he's- they got rid of Sean Salisbury, who used to do ex-NFLer, who used to be up there with Bill. And they got Tim Green, who's also an ex-NFLer. This guy was- I think it was a lineman for Atlanta. And he wrote a sort of tell-all book about ten years ago.

1:55 The Dark Side of the Game.

1:57 Adam Yeah. Talked about, what, needles?

2:00 Yeah, yeah. You know, guys taking whatever, steroids and painkillers and that's- He's a bright guy. He's a lawyer.

2:05 Adam He's the kind of guy you just hate because he's really like- If Howie Long had a dark-haired brother, that's who this guy would be. He's a guy you hate because as a guy, you're always looking for an angle that makes you better than another guy who could say kick your ass.

2:23 Drew In some capacity, you got to be better.

2:24 Adam Well, here's what you want as a guy. If there's a guy who's smarter than you, you'd like to say you could kick his ass.

2:30 Caller Right.

2:30 Adam If there's a guy who could kick your ass, you'd like to say you're smarter than he is. This guy's what? Six-five, chiseled, great-looking and an attorney.

2:39 Caller Nice. He's a nice guy. He's like gentle. You know what though? He's not funny.

2:45 Adam That's right.

2:46 Caller He admires that in me. He's like, oh man, you're funny, aren't you?

2:51 Adam Don't you feel though? I mean, like I did-

2:53 Caller Like he cares about being funny.

2:55 Adam When we did the home team, we did the Terry Bradshaw show. I mean, I grew up watching Terry Bradshaw win four Super Bowls. At the end of the thing, he sort of slapped his huge mitt on my back and said, You're funny, Adam. And I thought, that's nice, but it's a little consolation from taking home those four Super Bowl rings.

3:17 Caller And that's a big mitt, isn't it? I mean, he's got a hand. Yeah, he used to put the finger on the end of the, on the points of the ball when he threw it. Yeah.

3:24 Adam Yeah. He, Bradshaw, I mean, he was, he was, he was like, it was like out of a movie where you, the giant is amused and he whacks you on the back and you're flying off your stool.

3:35 Oh, oh, oh, you're funny, oh, oh.

3:39 Adam Yeah.

3:39 Caller And then he gets angry. They always flip.

3:42 Adam Or worse, amorous, where the heart bubbles start coming out of his head and he starts chasing you around. But he, he is a huge, huge guy. But anyway, I, and Drew, I say this once in a while, when a band comes on here or a comedian comes on here, I love BattleBots, do I not?

4:02 Drew Yeah, he waxed, you heard him, he waxed for 10 minutes before the mics heated up.

4:05 Caller And your favorite, your favorite robot is?

4:07 Adam Ziggo.

4:08 Caller He loves the Ziggo.

4:10 Adam Ziggo is-

4:11 Caller Loves the lightweight spinner.

4:12 Adam What, now what is the, the weight divisions? You go light, middle weight, heavy weight, super heavy. And super heavy.

4:19 Caller Yeah.

4:19 Adam Is light up to like 50 or 45 or something like that?

4:23 Caller I think it's 50, 50 or 55. And then it goes up to 125 for middle weight. Heavyweights go up to 225 and then your supers.

4:34 Adam And the supers are up to 350.

4:36 Caller I think up to 350 or 325.

4:38 Adam And Drew, I went and did BattleBots this year. Jimmy and I did like a little exhibition thing and it's hairy. I mean, I mean, this is not so much Hollywood magic, you know, with the smoke and mirrors. These things have, you know, lawnmower engines on them and big tungsten blades flying everywhere. I mean, some of these bots are...

4:58 Caller Yeah, you gotta watch, Drew, you gotta check it out sometime.

5:00 Drew Oh, I watch it. I watch it, yeah.

5:02 Adam $10,000 some people are spending on these?

5:04 Caller Easy, yeah, some of them, yeah. And then some of them are, you know, $1,000 or $700 and they're sweet too.

5:09 Drew I saw one day they looked like a giant vacuum cleaner sort of marching into things.

5:13 Caller Oh, that was, maybe that was Tazbot. That's my favorite robot. Yeah, I like Tazbot too. Did they have like an insect head? Did they have like a spinning insect head? Yeah, I love that guy.

5:23 Adam The great thing is the pageantry involved with the games too, because I love it when the guys are out there accepting their awards, and the guy is wearing gym socks. He has one dress sock, one gym sock. He's wearing a pair of OP shorts circa 1982.

5:39 Caller A borrowed sport coats.

5:40 Adam And a borrowed sport coat. Yeah, got to flopping over.

5:43 Caller They're focused. They're not thinking about what they're wearing. But you notice the uniforms in the pits, didn't you? A lot of teams go with uniforms now.

5:50 Adam I've seen more jumpsuits and more female escorts heading out there with the guys.

5:56 Drew These are the guys you fly a plane with, right?

5:58 Adam These guys, I don't know. I fly model airplanes. And it's hard to tell whether these guys would be a cut above or a cut below the guys I see down at the Van Nuys flying field on a Tuesday at noon.

6:09 Caller But those are all made for models, aren't they? Model airplanes. Those are, so a little different, you know.

6:14 Adam Yeah, there's probably more fabrication going on in the Battle Bot world.

6:18 Drew The Battle Bot got the same guys, more money, more education.

6:21 Adam Yeah, these guys are, a lot of them are engineers.

6:24 Caller Yeah, yeah, there's some engineers, but there's also like mechanics and stuff, you know, just guys who know what's going on inside something.

6:31 Adam I went down to the Paddock this year, and it's a huge open area, it used to be a hangar of some kind or something.

6:40 Caller It's a military base.

6:41 Adam They filmed the whole thing on, is it Treasure Island?

6:44 Caller Yeah.

6:45 Adam Have you ever been there, Drew?

6:46 Drew Treasure Island.

6:47 Adam In San Francisco.

6:48 Caller Right off the Golden Gate Bridge.

6:49 Drew No, I've never been there.

6:50 Adam You take, is that the Golden Gate?

6:52 Caller Isn't it?

6:53 Adam No, I don't think that's the Golden Gate.

6:54 Drew The blue one.

6:55 Caller It's the other one. Bay Bridge.

6:56 Adam You take the Bay Bridge, and you can turn off onto this island, and all of a sudden you're back in the 1940s, and there was a military base there.

7:06 Caller It's manmade.

7:07 Adam And the whole place is cleared out, and they put on the BattleBots event there, and it is massive.

7:14 Caller Crazy. Oh, it's so great this year. It's so great.

7:17 Adam Tuesday nights, 10 o'clock, my beloved Comedy Central, and Bill, what about...

7:22 Caller And then a number of reruns after that, you know, because it's Comedy Central.

7:25 Adam Anything... But listen, this is the kind of show, it's not like a sitcom. You can watch this over and over again. It's like watching Evil Knievel crash in slow motion for the fifth time. You're not going to get up and leave. So, and Bill, what about you? Stand-up comedy, acting, anything you want to plug?

7:43 Caller I'm a stand-up comic. I got a Comedy Central Presents, a half-hour comedy special coming up on September 10th.

7:49 Adam All right, so we can look forward to that.

7:51 Caller That is Monday, September 10th, also 10 o'clock. And that was sweet. That's another great thing. Man, they did that right. Hudson Theater, New York, just packed, you know, people, lines going down both sides of the block and just a great audience and a great venue. And, you know, it was just a magical night, you know?

8:09 Adam And that'll be...

8:09 Caller Sound like a real puss.

8:10 Adam September 10th, right. All right. 10 o'clock, right? All right. That is the half hour.

8:17 Caller I'm not good at plugging, but that's a good thing to plug.

8:20 Adam Well, I'll plug for you as the night goes on. Brittany?

8:24 Yeah?

8:25 Adam You're 18?

8:26 Caller Yes, I am.

8:27 Adam What's up?

8:28 Caller I've been with my boyfriend about eight months now and he's been pressuring me to have anal sex. I don't really know a lot about it. I'm just wondering if there's any precautions or anything that can happen that I don't know about.

8:38 Adam Well, it's important to have a wooden spoon to bite on.

8:41 Drew What do you know about it?

8:43 Well, I've never wanted to do it.

8:45 Caller I've never really been into it, but I've been with him eight months.

8:47 Drew Why do it?

8:49 Caller Because we've been together so long.

8:50 Drew What? Sex is no longer good? You have to sort of up the ante a little bit?

8:54 Caller No, it's good, but then I hear some girls enjoy it too. So I don't know if I'll be...

8:58 Adam Yeah, she may enjoy it.

9:00 Caller Can't you warm up with something? Again, I'm such a rube, but can't you, you know...

9:05 Drew You mean some sort of graduated...

9:06 Caller Do you have to, can you put a finger in there?

9:10 Drew Cigar tube or something.

9:14 Adam For me, cigar tube is no warm up. You've now gone past. It's time to step down to the penis. You've had the chapstick, now you get nice. It's time to relax. Okay.

9:27 Caller I don't know. I've heard that gay men, like by the time they're 40, they have to wear diapers because everything is coming out.

9:32 Adam Well, that's more of a fashion statement than it is... A biological event.

9:37 Drew There can be rips and tears and problems with the sphincter tone after all this. Yeah, there could be.

9:41 If you do it just once, is that likely?

9:43 Drew No, it's not likely.

9:44 Adam The sphincter tone?

9:45 Drew It's a great band.

9:47 Adam I was in high school.

9:48 Drew Yeah, it's your band.

9:49 Adam Letting the sphincter tone, so I played with it.

9:52 Caller What are you telling your sphincter?

9:53 Drew It is a great way to contract a sexually transmitted disease. Okay. Should we be using condoms if we're going to do this?

9:59 Adam Yeah.

10:00 But put it off.

10:02 Caller We don't want to.

10:03 Drew If you don't want to do it, why are you getting involved in this?

10:05 Caller That's just something guys want to do, isn't it?

10:06 Drew Guys just need to check it out their list.

10:08 Caller Yeah, I wouldn't want to do it.

10:10 Drew Don't do it.

10:11 Caller Gymnast.

10:11 Drew Yeah. Is he kind of an aggressive guy?

10:14 Caller Well, we're reaching the point where our sex is getting kind of boring, and we want to do new stuff. Wow.

10:18 Caller Eighteen, eight months.

10:19 Drew Wait a minute. I would evaluate that if I were you. Yeah. You're 18 years old, you've been with him eight months, and already the sex is boring for you? Are you actually into this guy?

10:28 Caller Yeah. Yeah. We plan on getting married soon too.

10:32 Drew Sex is boring at 18? How do you think it's going to be at 48?

10:34 Caller Yeah. He should wait.

10:36 Caller I'm the second girl he's been with, so I'm more into girls too, and he's not really into doing that.

10:42 Drew I want to ask the Bible questions.

10:43 Adam This is going to last forever.

10:45 Caller Yeah. Really? You guys are talking marriage?

10:50 Drew Yeah. What are you hiding out from? What's going on at home?

10:53 Caller Maybe just getting away from home.

10:54 Drew Yeah. What's going on at home?

10:56 Caller My parents are going to divorce. I live with my dad. He can be abusive.

11:00 My mom was abusive.

11:02 Drew There you go. So you're going to rush into marriage and recreate all that love that you had in your family home.

11:09 Caller Yeah.

11:09 Drew I'm trying to get away from my family. I'm being facetious, Brittany. Why don't you look into some therapy and get some treatment and make some more mature choices about what you want to do with the rest of your life. Yeah. Okay.

11:22 Adam All right. Good times there, baby. Yeah. Don't get married. Don't get pregnant.

11:26 Caller Yeah.

11:27 Drew Well, she's going to be using the anal route.

11:29 Adam Oh, we'll use the anal route. Don't worry about that.

11:31 Caller I really don't think I can get pregnant because, I mean, we haven't been using a condom for a long, long, long time.

11:36 Drew Well, you will be.

11:37 Caller Really?

11:38 Drew You have to guarantee.

11:39 Caller Even if you don't have your periods regular?

11:40 Drew Guaranteed.

11:41 Caller Really?

11:42 Drew Guaranteed.

11:42 Caller Okay.

11:44 Drew This is the situation where pregnancy is a guarantee. Yeah.

11:47 Adam It is. Right.

11:48 Caller We should devote this whole show to Brittany. She hasn't got any. She hasn't got a clue.

11:53 Adam Yeah. And maybe the First Hour Tomorrow show as well. Oh my God. All right. Well, this is I. Listen, you'd be better off talking to some of the Battlebots. I've had more stimulating conversation with Ziggo and Vlad the Impaler.

12:09 Caller Yeah. Oh, man.

12:10 Adam Mark. Yeah. You're 18. What's up? 17.

12:15 Caller Listen, I got a problem.

12:16 Adam Yeah.

12:17 Caller You're in a sewer?

12:19 Caller No.

12:19 Adam OK.

12:22 Caller It's like I have like some weird thing going on in my scrotum.

12:25 Adam Right.

12:27 Caller It feels like, I don't know, like it's coming out of my testicles or something. It feels like old veiny and spongy.

12:34 Drew People can get varicose veins in their clusters of veins. They almost feel like clusters of grapes in there.

12:39 Adam Is that what it feels like?

12:40 Drew Like worms hanging around in there.

12:42 Adam Yeah.

12:42 Caller Really?

12:43 Adam It's bad.

12:44 Caller What can I do about that?

12:45 Drew Nothing.

12:46 Caller Stop feeling your testicles.

12:48 Drew Have a dark jacket. Make sure it's that. There are other things that can swell up and be spongy in there, but none of which are dangerous, but some of which need treatment.

12:56 Caller Can I get it like we moved to something like that?

12:58 Drew Not the veins, not particularly, but some of the other things can be.

13:01 Adam Well, so what is that?

13:02 Drew It's just dilated veins. All right, so what?

13:05 Adam No, I don't want to see it. Now, now.

13:07 Caller Can he drink more water or something? Can he?

13:10 Adam Yeah, flush it out.

13:11 Caller Yeah.

13:11 Adam Flush those balls up with some tap water.

13:15 Drew Give me the book.

13:15 Adam All right.

13:16 Drew What is it?

13:17 Adam Drew's got a, I don't know where that book of yours is.

13:20 Caller Drew, you're good. That first caller when you said what's going on at home, man, you're good.

13:26 Adam I know where the book is.

13:27 Drew I want that book.

13:27 Adam Hold on a second.

13:28 Caller Are we going to see something crazy?

13:30 Adam Yes. Here's the deal. This book is covered by cowbell and notebook in a box of pens and some duct tape. Instead of trying to gingerly pull everything off and do it discreetly, I'm just going to yank the thing once. All right? But at least we're calling a spade a spade here.

13:46 Drew Explaining what's going on. Right.

13:48 Adam Yeah, it's great radio.

13:49 Caller Oh, it's not so bad.

13:51 Adam Drew does more visual references on this radio show than any radio show.

13:56 Caller This will be helpful for me though. I'm not going to screw anybody up, am I? No one's going to call me 20 years later and go, I can't get any reactions because of you.

14:04 Drew These veins in here sometimes get all dilated up.

14:06 Adam He's pointing at a picture of a sprodium spack.

14:09 Drew It's got veins coming down the sperminus.

14:11 Adam It's got a lot of veins.

14:12 Drew Yeah, a lot of veins in there.

14:12 Adam It looks like.

14:13 Drew And they swell up in some people just from pressure phenomenon.

14:16 Caller What's this over here?

14:17 Drew That's your vest, friends, probably, right? Epithetimus.

14:20 Adam All right. Scott?

14:21 Drew Yeah.

14:22 Adam What's up?

14:22 Bill Dwyer Oh, nothing much, man.

14:23 Adam You're on with Bill Dwyer from BattleBots.

14:26 Caller Hey.

14:26 Bill Dwyer Oh, my brother loves your show.

14:28 Caller Yeah.

14:29 Bill Dwyer Hey, guys, I got a problem, and it's a small one, and not one too difficult to answer, I don't think, hopefully. Attractive women, they really, really get to me. I have a really hard time talking to them. I can deal with your average run-of-the-mill girls, your fat ones, your, you know, just they're plain and tall, whatever. For some reason, whenever it comes to talking to an attractive girl, I just, I lose all thought.

14:54 Adam Right.

14:55 Bill Dwyer I can't say anything to them. I mean, I can make idle conversation, but going more in-depth with them, even going out on a first date, once I finally get past that asking them out type thing, going out with them, you know, I'm out of conversation in like 20 minutes.

15:08 Adam Yeah.

15:08 Bill Dwyer And I know it's something like...

15:10 Drew Have you ever said that to them, that, geez, I'm intimidated by good-looking women? I just, I just...

15:14 Bill Dwyer No, because I've kind of been in denial.

15:16 Drew Well, I think you would find some of them would be sort of...

15:20 Adam No, it's an interesting angle, Drew, but as we know, it could only be pulled off by BS guys who weren't actually intimidated, who were just trying to get laid.

15:28 Drew No, no, I think they could be sort of, I think it's cute, I think it's sort of...

15:33 Caller If it's honest.

15:34 Adam Yeah.

15:34 Caller If you're honest, yeah.

15:35 Drew That you feel that they're so attractive that it stultifies you, I think that they'll be sort of...

15:41 Caller But then where does that get you? Then she goes, oh, well, what? You're an idiot then, I don't want to talk to you. Well, you can't talk to me.

15:48 Drew I just think being honest and being where you're at is your best bet.

15:51 Adam Well, look, we all know being honest is great if they're into you.

15:55 Drew Yeah.

15:55 Adam If they're not into you, you're screwed.

15:56 Drew But he's going out on a date.

15:59 Adam All right. So tell them beauty confounds you, and you're at a loss for words. But that doesn't get you out on a date.

16:07 Drew But he's able to get them out on a date. The problem is he gets tongue-tied when he's out, and they'll be flattered.

16:10 Adam No, he's tongue-tied trying to get them out on a date too, right?

16:13 Bill Dwyer Yeah.

16:14 Adam Well, how did you get the good-looking ones out on a date if you're so tongue-tied?

16:16 Caller Where are you talking to these good-looking ones?

16:19 Bill Dwyer Just everywhere I can meet them. Previously, it's usually been going to bars and clubs and stuff, but I've really kind of cooled out on that.

16:25 Drew But how anxious is this guy that he can walk up to somebody at a club and talk to them? Could you do that?

16:31 Adam No.

16:31 Bill Dwyer No, me neither.

16:32 Adam Well, I can now because...

16:33 But, see, there's so many people out there that can.

16:35 Bill Dwyer I see people hooking up at night clubs all the time. I see people walking in, and you'll see the same people walking out several hours.

16:42 Drew A certain group in this world have to realize that's not them. That's just not you, Scott.

16:47 Adam There's like 3% of the guys that are banging 95% of the women.

16:52 Drew In that manner.

16:53 Adam Yeah, do you know how they talk about how 2% of the United States citizens have 95% of the wealth, that kind of thing? It's the same thing with getting laid. We all knew that one guy in high school that nailed everybody, and then there was us. And my theory is we need to kill those guys because I look at, Puntang is like provisions on a desert island, and this guy's hogging all the Snickers.

17:23 Caller And he's got the crowbar to open the bucks.

17:25 Adam Right. And we're all trapped on this desert island, and he's eating everything, and drinking all the, he's using up all the reserves. That's what I'm saying. I think we should get rid of these guys at the junior high, high school level.

17:39 Caller Well this guy's going to find his women somewhere else, too, at work or wherever, you know? He's not going to find them at clubs, he's not a club guy.

17:45 Drew He's not the club guy.

17:46 Adam He's fine, he's 23. And by the way-

17:48 Caller Who doesn't have a problem talking to beautiful women anyway?

17:51 Drew 23 especially.

17:52 Adam Is there a person on the planet who will admit being into the club scene? Every single person you talk to, and I don't mean every single person, I mean every single unattached person you talk to, they go, well, I'm into dating, but I'm not into the club scene. I like one person just to be, because clubs are packed every weekend, so I'm assuming somebody's got to be into the club scene. I just want to hear someone who's bold enough to admit they are very much heavily into the club scene.

18:23 Caller They're not into the radio scene.

18:24 Adam That's what it is. Casey? Casey?

18:29 Yeah.

18:30 Adam You're 14?

18:31 Caller Yeah.

18:31 Adam You're a girl?

18:33 Caller Yeah.

18:34 Adam All right. What's up?

18:36 Caller I have diabetes and I just started smoking.

18:38 Caller Can that make it worse?

18:40 Drew Yes. Diabetes plus smoking is a recipe for heart disease, for sure. That is how you get heart disease.

18:47 Caller But you're just a little too young to be smoking.

18:49 Drew Also, it will harden the arteries of the brain. You'll get strokes and it can also contribute to kidney disease. So you have a serious conditioner and I know at 14, you want to ignore that you have diabetes, but you've got it. Adding tobacco to that is a recipe for serious medical problems in the next 10, 20 years.

19:11 Adam When you say recipe, it's not actually in a book or anything. If I were to write a recipe for a disease, it's not like a spa show or something.

19:18 Drew No, not in the next...

19:19 Caller The Frugal Army talks heart disease.

19:23 Adam Hey, you know what I'm curious about is...

19:27 Caller What do you smoke?

19:29 Adam What's your brand?

19:30 Drew That you're curious about?

19:32 Caller Ultralights. Oh, okay.

19:34 Adam Here's what I wanted to ask. When we grew up, there was not the anti-smoking campaign that's going on now. Sure, we saw at four in the morning, Yule Brenner came on and talked to us from the grave. You remember that one?

19:47 Caller Man, that was weird.

19:48 Adam That was a great one.

19:49 Caller That was crazy.

19:50 Adam You know, they ought to dust that one off and bring it back.

19:53 Caller Yeah, but nobody knows who Yule Brenner is. Do the kids know? I mean, they should.

19:58 Adam You know what wouldn't work about Yule Brenner anyway? You'd be going, hey, you would have been dead anyway.

20:03 Drew Yeah, right now.

20:04 Caller Do you know how much he smoked? He smoked like four or five packs a day.

20:10 Adam Well, it was great. Yule Brenner-

20:11 Caller That's a one every five minutes.

20:12 Adam Yule Brenner was the bald guy with the accent from The King and I. And if you younger people, if you saw a picture of the guy, you would know who he was. He was a famous actor.

20:23 Drew Westworld.

20:26 Adam They used to do this great anti-smoking campaign where he came on and he'd go, Hi, I'm dead.

20:34 Caller Because I smoke, don't you smoke?

20:35 Adam You're watching me now, but I'm dead. That must have been a great phone call to the agent.

20:41 Caller Imagine that.

20:42 Adam Hey, Herb Eadman. Yeah. You handle Yule Brenner, right? Yeah.

20:48 Caller He's not doing much now, is he?

20:49 Adam We like to do an interview with him. He's pretty much on his deathbed.

20:53 That's my point.

20:55 Caller Exactly.

20:55 Drew This is what I want to talk to you about.

20:57 Adam Let me send over the copy.

21:00 Caller Tell him to take a look at it. You can horse around with it a little bit.

21:03 Caller Right.

21:04 Adam We'll give him room to play with it. Here's the deal, Yule. There's no doubt we're doing a PSA here, but I want you to have fun with it. Don't be scared to paraphrase. That must have been a great day in Yule's life. Looking at this copy and the parts, like, announcers.gov, Yule, I'm dead. By the time this film gets developed, I'll be scattered over the ocean.

21:28 Caller Hey, when's this going to air? Next week? We're going to start running the spots next week.

21:34 Adam Yeah. As soon as we can, we're going to rush it through post, see if we can get it on, and time for sweeps, Yule.

21:42 Caller Oh, man.

21:44 Adam I haven't even really even thought, has anyone thought about that commercial in 20 years?

21:48 Caller No, but I think about that, and I remember thinking, it doesn't look that bad. He's dead.

21:53 Adam Right.

21:53 Caller He doesn't look that bad. He looks like Yule Brenner. I'm dead now. Well, that happens.

21:58 Adam Yule was smart because he established a look early, and then he stuck with it.

22:04 Caller Yeah.

22:04 Adam All guys, if you go with, he wore like a Nehru jacket with no shirt on underneath it, and he shaved his head at 19, and he was constantly tanned. Therefore, when he was 60, he looked exactly the same as he did when he was 30.

22:18 Caller He was built too.

22:19 Adam Yeah.

22:19 Caller That guy was ripped.

22:20 Adam Yule was a rock.

22:21 Caller Yeah.

22:21 Adam We should all smoke, get ourselves back in shape.

22:24 Caller But not at 14, you're too young.

22:26 Adam But here's what I wanted to ask. All the negative smoking campaigns are out now. Now, smoking is traditionally something kids do to rebel. They want to be naughty, they want to be dangerous, they want to be defiant and stand up to the man. Do you think that the anti-smoking campaigns are making it that much more dangerous and that much more defiant? You know what I'm saying?

22:50 Drew Yeah, yeah.

22:50 Adam Because it was...

22:51 Drew It makes it that much more enticing. Yeah.

22:53 Adam Yeah, I mean, you know, you had 25, 30 years ago when it was like, cigarettes may be bad, but the jury's still out. Well, it's like, all right, I'll smoke, I'll be bad anyway. But now you're really bad if you smoke at 14. All right. Bill Dwyer is here tonight from BattleBots.

23:08 Caller I used to smoke.

23:09 Adam 10 o'clock Tuesday nights. Bill is going to talk more about how Yul Brynner changed his life after this.

23:17 Caller Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191, we'll be right back.

23:47 Caller Hi, this is Jesus Christ. This is Eric Cartman. This is Kyle Braslawski.

23:50 And this is Counselor Mackey.

23:52 Okay, we're from South Park.

23:54 Caller And you're listening to Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

23:58 Adam Yes, you is. And another one of the stars in the galaxy over at Comedy Central, Bill Dwyer is here tonight.

24:05 Caller That's a beautiful network, that Comedy Central.

24:08 Adam I do like them, especially although I'm coming from MTV, so anything seems good. It's all relative for that piece of ass network. You know, one thing you got to give me kudos for, I said horrible things about MTV the whole time I was on the network, and since I've been off, I haven't really said anything bad about them.

24:25 Caller So tear it up.

24:26 Adam Okay. Here's the deal. Cheap, cheap amateurs is how I would classify MTV. Very super cheap. Super duper duper duper cheap.

24:39 Caller Cheap in certain areas. Cheap in certain areas. Whatever they're doing to show talent, writers, everybody, they go cheap.

24:48 Adam That's right. That's right. They remind me of K-Rock, the mother station out here in Los Angeles, which is super duper cheap in the sense that, hey, and here's their argument. We're doing you a favor by putting you on our network. You 21-year-old who no one has ever heard of. Oh yeah, sure. We're giving you exposure. Right. And in a way, they got a point. It's just other networks don't look at it that way. All right, anyway, Bill Dwyer, Comedy Central's, I was going to say Man Show, but that's my show, BattleBots.

25:20 Caller I watched your show last night too.

25:22 Adam Oh, fantabulous.

25:23 Whatever.

25:26 Drew Man, that could be so rude.

25:27 Adam Yeah, it's really. Oh, man. You know the thing about the Man Show, it's fine when you're doing it. It's just when you have to watch it, it's just painful. It's very uncomfortable.

25:36 Drew I remember that with Loveline too.

25:38 Adam Yeah, Loveline was the same way. Felt fine sitting out there. And you watch it, especially if you're watching with somebody.

25:44 Drew Oh, you go, holy Christ, what were we talking about?

25:47 Caller You know, I warmed up your show once. I met you guys a long time ago. I warmed up your show once. But like when it first started, I warmed it up. And, you know, that's crazy. I was a terrible warm up. I was just awful. Well, I did it because I did it once.

26:02 Adam Oh, you only did it once.

26:02 Caller I did it like one night.

26:04 Adam Right.

26:04 Caller I did like two shows, whatever. And, you know, I'm just a terrible warm up. How's everybody doing?

26:08 Caller How you doing? Go to hell. We hate you.

26:12 Caller All right. Yeah, exactly. Oh, man.

26:15 Adam Ryan?

26:16 Yes.

26:16 Adam You're 15?

26:17 Caller Yes.

26:18 Adam What's up?

26:21 Caller A few weeks ago, I started having violent thoughts about stabbing my dad.

26:25 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

26:27 Drew Good times.

26:28 Adam And yeah, why?

26:31 Caller I don't know. It seems like everything he's doing is just getting on my nerves.

26:34 Drew Was he violent with you at one point?

26:37 Caller No.

26:37 Drew Never?

26:38 Caller No.

26:39 Drew Anybody been violent with you?

26:41 Caller No.

26:42 Drew This is your biological father?

26:43 Caller Yes.

26:44 Adam What do you mean getting on your nerves?

26:46 Caller I don't know. He used to be in the Navy. He's retired.

26:50 Adam Yeah.

26:50 Caller And I could be watching TV or something. Like, what are you doing? I'm like watching TV. He's like, well, why don't you go do something productive, like clean your room or something?

26:59 Adam Right.

27:00 Caller And I'd be like, well, OK. My room's clean. I spent two hours in it this morning. And then he would storm on into my room. And then when he would find a piece of dust or something, he would yell at me and tell me that it's filthy, blah, blah, blah, and then I'd have to clean it. Yeah. All right.

27:16 Adam Well, he's busting your chops a little bit.

27:18 Drew It's quasi normal parent behavior, though.

27:20 Adam Yeah. Where's your mom?

27:23 Caller Here. They're still married.

27:24 Adam OK. Does she like you?

27:27 Caller What do you mean?

27:28 Adam Well, I mean, your dad busts your chops. What about your mom? Does she defend you?

27:34 Caller Well, since when I first had the thought of stabbing my dad, I told my mom and she's like, well, I know you can pull through this because I know you have that capability. I know you're strong enough to do that. Sometimes when he's yelling at me or something, he'll say, she'll be like, well, Tom, you do the same thing too.

27:55 Adam Is your family religious?

27:57 Caller We're Catholic, so I guess so, yeah.

28:00 Adam Yeah. Your dad never was violent with you?

28:04 Caller No.

28:05 Adam But is he a hot tempered guy?

28:07 Caller Yes.

28:08 Drew Was he violent with your mom? No. Maybe he's not really processing what we mean by aggressive or violent. He may think it's normal.

28:17 Caller I mean, he's not violent. He just has a really strong temper. If you take him off, he just blows up.

28:27 Drew Yeah, it's aggressive.

28:28 Adam What he does?

28:28 Caller He's a Navy guy.

28:29 Adam More like a Zigo or Tazbot if you were to liken him to a battle bot.

28:35 Drew Sounds like Zigo.

28:36 Adam Like Zigo? Maybe Vlad.

28:38 Caller Yeah, he sounds like he's whirling.

28:41 Adam Is he a big guy?

28:43 Caller No.

28:43 Adam Okay. Well, listen, Ryan, many teenage boys had many a fantasy. Hopefully, it's about women, but for you it's about stabbing your dad. You're not going to do it, correct?

28:55 Caller Well, one night, he willed at me and see, I found this all started happening since I've been diagnosed with diabetes. Oh boy. I mean, I don't-

29:07 Drew Diabetic night, isn't that weird?

29:09 Adam Yeah. Usually, Wednesdays.

29:11 Drew All right. So there's a lot of stuff going on here. You've got the dealing with having a serious illness. Adolescents do a lot of strange stuff with diabetes. They stop taking their insulin. They just blow the whole thing off.

29:24 Adam Well, what will it do to you if you stop? I mean, what's it do to your mind?

29:28 Drew Not his mind. I mean, he'll end up in a hospital very quickly with some called diabetic ketoacidosis, which is a life-threatening problem and happens rather quickly. But then on top of that, you've got a dad who is very aggressive and who is creating, who is helping sort of initiate these fantasies of aggressive acting out on your part in the face of trying to deal with having chronic illness and a dad that blows up at you. There's a lot going on here, right? Why don't you talk to the doctor that's helping with the diabetes about getting help with dealing with being diabetic? They'll get you sending to somebody to talk to about this. There's a whole thing that adolescents go through. There are people that specialize in helping adolescents deal with that.

30:07 Adam What about the stabbing the dad part?

30:09 Drew It's just he's angry.

30:11 Adam All right. Well, don't do it so we can be.

30:14 Drew Yeah. Agree to us you won't do it. Yeah.

30:16 Adam Okay. I don't know. Talk to your mom. See if you can find an ally in your mom. She seems a little lukewarm on him stabbing dad.

30:24 Drew Well, she's kind of blowing it off.

30:26 Caller Well, she said, I know you're strong. You get through this. I mean, they're Catholic. You know, you know, maybe wants to talk with his priest. I don't know. Sometimes it's sometimes they're good guys. You know, sometimes you can talk to a priest and they're okay. You know, at least you can talk to somebody and you know, they're not going to squeal.

30:40 Adam Right. Oh, yeah.

30:41 Caller Priests don't tell anybody except other priests and then they don't get out much.

30:44 Drew Oh, and God. They tell God.

30:46 Adam They squeal to God.

30:47 Caller They do. They go running to God.

30:50 Adam It's dually to God. Jeff.

30:53 Caller Hi.

30:53 Adam Hey, you're 17.

30:54 Caller Yeah.

30:55 Adam You're you calling from North Hollywood?

30:56 Caller Yeah.

30:57 Adam No. Where where in North Hollywood?

31:01 Colfax and Irvine.

31:02 Drew Oh, my God.

31:03 Caller Wait.

31:04 Caller No, it's Colfax and Margate.

31:06 Adam Margate.

31:07 Caller Yeah.

31:07 Caller I lived in Colfax for a while. No, I lived in. Yeah, right off Colfax. I lived like Chandler.

31:11 Caller Yeah, it's like right by the high school.

31:13 Adam I was just thinking, Adam, you lived by the junior high.

31:15 Caller No, that was the high school.

31:17 Adam Oh, Chandler. That's where I lived.

31:19 Caller Did you live on Chandler?

31:20 Adam I went to North Hollywood High.

31:21 Caller Oh, OK.

31:22 Adam My high school. Yeah, I lived on Chandler. I lived on Carpenter off of Chandler and Colfax over there. That was my whole, that was my digs.

31:29 Drew Yeah, that barn across the street there.

31:31 Adam Yeah. What's, what? No, the barn was across the street from Colfax Elementary.

31:36 Drew Oh, really?

31:36 Adam How dare you?

31:37 Drew Hey, one thing I just realized, Adam, for all the hatred you have for North Hollywood, you hustled on back and bought a house right there.

31:44 Adam I didn't buy a house in North Hollywood.

31:46 Caller Toluca Lake?

31:47 Drew Virtually.

31:47 Caller Where?

31:47 Adam Sherman Oaks. Well, first off, it's better in North Hollywood.

31:51 Drew Yeah.

31:52 Adam And number two, that's the party house.

31:54 Drew I understand.

31:55 Adam I just go there, you know, so I can sleep with hookers and stuff. Jeff?

31:59 Caller Yeah? Where's the other house?

32:01 Adam Hollywood.

32:02 Caller Oh, okay.

32:03 Adam What's up there, Jeff?

32:05 Okay. Every time me and my girlfriend have sex.

32:08 Adam No, no, no, no.

32:10 Drew You're gay.

32:11 Adam No, you don't have sex.

32:13 Caller What?

32:13 Adam You do not have sex.

32:15 Caller Yeah.

32:16 Adam Are you really having sex or you're trying to have sex?

32:19 Caller I'm trying to have sex.

32:20 Adam There you go.

32:22 Caller Okay.

32:22 Adam Do you see? I can tell by his voice he's a virgin.

32:25 Drew Oh, no, no.

32:26 Adam He's not 17. Yeah.

32:27 Drew He's not 17 either.

32:29 Caller How old do you think he was?

32:30 Drew How old is he?

32:30 Adam He could have been 13.

32:32 Drew Yeah, but we can tell virgins not virgins.

32:34 Caller Wow, you guys are good.

32:36 Adam Well, the voice does not lie. Yeah.

32:39 Drew It's like body language. You can just read it.

32:42 Right.

32:42 Adam Absolutely. All right. Drew, you got another call?

32:44 Drew I'm going to take a break right now.

32:45 Really?

32:46 Drew No, no, no. My watch is off.

32:48 Adam You gassy? What do you want to do? All right. Mike?

32:53 Yeah, what's up, guys?

32:53 Adam You're 20.

32:54 Caller Yeah, I'm 20. The reason I'm calling is because I'm a bit confused, right? Like, I would call myself bisexual, but then again, I'm not. Like, that probably doesn't make sense.

33:07 Drew Well, let's say bye-bye to hetero, I think is one of those.

33:10 Caller Yeah, I'm not straight. I know that much.

33:12 Drew Yeah, okay. And at your age, it's very common for young men who are gay to not want to be gay, to really have difficulty struggling with that and cling to anything they can to try to sort of dilute that reality.

33:25 Adam Well, if you start off as a heterosexual, don't you almost have to pass through bisexual county to get to gay-ville? Do you know what I mean?

33:36 Caller Yeah. I'm cruising on the road right now. I don't know where I want to stop. Does that make sense?

33:41 Drew Yeah, that's what's in the charts.

33:44 Adam Why don't you spend the night in Soddenburg?

33:48 Caller What lies past gay-ville, by the way, said...

33:51 Adam Helland?

33:53 Drew The zoo.

33:55 Adam Oh, Drew, please. How dare you?

33:59 Caller The thing is, though, is when I'm with a guy, right, like, I don't necessarily enjoy it. But when I'm with a girl, I just like having sex with girls better. But like, say...

34:08 Drew But was that in that way?

34:08 Adam Wait, wait, wait.

34:09 Drew What's that?

34:09 Adam He likes having sex with girls better.

34:12 Caller Yeah.

34:13 Adam But all the pressure of a 20-year-old male to have sex with other males, you know, society.

34:16 Caller But like, when I masturbate, like, it's all guy. Like, it's, it's like, like, internet porn, whatever. It's all guy. Like, I, I just... Girls do nothing for me.

34:24 Drew You know, you like having sex with women better?

34:28 Caller Like, physically, yeah.

34:29 Caller That's a...

34:29 Drew Why?

34:30 Caller That's a red flag right there.

34:32 Caller It just, it's just better.

34:34 Caller It's like, I don't have, you know, I don't have to, to, to go down. Like, I don't enjoy, I don't enjoy, like, the act of having sex with a guy. I just enjoy, like, the fantasy of it and everything leading up to, you know, the sex.

34:47 Caller He might not be gay.

34:49 Adam No.

34:49 Drew Were you sexually abused?

34:51 Caller No, no. I mean, when I was younger, I mean, I had, I experimented a lot.

34:57 Drew What does that mean?

34:58 Adam Well, he was seven. His uncle was 34. No, no, no.

35:01 Caller Your uncle.

35:02 Caller No, no, no. No, just like, you know, sleepovers, boy scouts, whatever, is like, hey, what's up? You know?

35:09 Caller With other boys or?

35:10 Drew That's not experimenting. Somebody had to do that to you to begin with, to get it going. Where to first start?

35:17 Caller I don't know. The first time I ever remember is, my mom caught me in a friend, like, out in the backyard. I was, like, four. Looks like one of the vague memories I've got of being four years old.

35:26 Adam Okay. Be that as it may, you enjoy sex with a woman, but you fantasize about sex with a man. Do you think because it's sort of taboo or naughty or something?

35:39 Caller I have no idea.

35:40 Adam Well, let me float this theory. We never talk about it for men, but women will oftentimes fantasize about things they would never do sexually when it comes to masturbating. Do you know what I'm saying? Hold on, Drew, don't crap on this theory just yet. This may be a decent theory. Bill, join in on this.

35:59 Caller I'm right here. I'm right here with you.

36:01 Adam You'll bring her. No. Women will fantasize sexually about having threesomes and orgies and sometimes even being raped and stuff like that.

36:09 Caller When they're masturbating.

36:10 Adam When they're masturbating.

36:11 Caller Or when they're having sex, maybe.

36:14 Adam But in real life, they would never want to be raped or manhandled or what have you. But this is a fantasy. They go to a naughty place for their fantasy. Men never do this. Men, they would love whatever they're jacking off to. They would love just to walk right out of the TV screen and actually do it. But could Mike be a kind of guy who's actually liking the homoerotic stuff because it's dirtier, it's more taboo for his masturbation. But in real life is really not that physically into it.

36:44 Caller I like the theory.

36:45 Adam It's a strong theory.

36:46 Drew I like the theory.

36:47 Adam Totally bogus.

36:48 Drew Yeah, it's bogus. It doesn't care.

36:49 Adam It doesn't work. Why? Because-

36:51 Drew That's not how people are.

36:52 Adam Women would do this, men don't do this.

36:53 Drew Yes, men don't do this, exactly. And it's like his sexual identity is sort of compartmentalized. He's like not complete.

37:01 Adam Right.

37:01 Drew He really is bisexual, but he's sort of-

37:03 Adam Well, let me ask another question. Mike. Yeah, what's up? Are you religious? Would your family really freak out over this?

37:10 Caller No, actually my family knows. I had to talk to my mom.

37:12 Drew No, Mike, really, seriously. Mike, this is a perfect-

37:16 Adam Had to talk with his mom.

37:17 Drew I know, shocking. But this is a perfect sort of situation for therapy because you've got to sort of pick a direction here and you've got to sort of sort through what's pulling you in each direction.

37:28 Adam Right.

37:28 Drew He sounds kind of ambivalent and confused and he likes having sex more with women. He has two things that you never see in either gay or straight men. Straight men don't have fantasies about homoerotic stuff and feel great about it.

37:41 Adam No, we're sickened by it.

37:43 Drew They react to it.

37:44 Adam Thank you.

37:44 Drew And gay men don't like having sex with women. It's not compelling for them.

37:49 Adam Right.

37:50 Drew So he's really into...

37:52 Caller He's a new breed.

37:53 Adam He really is. I'd like to...

37:54 Caller Why... Who do you like spending time with more?

37:58 Drew That's a good question. He's not really comfortable with it.

38:00 Caller Who do you like talking to? Men?

38:01 Women?

38:03 Caller Most of my friends are like... Most of my close friends... Well, I have like three really close girlfriends, three really close guy friends. It's very evened out. I don't feel like...

38:12 Drew If you're happy with this, go on. I mean, enjoy, but if this is conflicted for you, you need to kind of sort this out.

38:20 Caller He's bisexual. But it doesn't sound that bad. He's talking to his mom about it.

38:24 Drew Yeah, he sounds okay.

38:24 Adam Yeah, that must have been a great conversation. Good news and bad news. Good news is I'm into...

38:30 Caller I like the ladies.

38:30 Adam I'm into the ladies. Bad news, whacking off to a gay internet war. All right, good night. Happy Rosh Hashanah. Bill Dwyer is our guest tonight from BattleBots.

38:43 Drew Rabbi Schooley.

38:44 Adam We will take ourselves a little break. We'll be back.

38:49 Caller Loveline will be right back. So get your problems ready. Ready.

39:23 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Bill Dwyer is our guest tonight. Bill is the host of BattleBots, 10 o'clock Tuesday nights Comedy Central. This is a great show.

39:40 Caller The only Comedy Central show that's good for the whole family. The only one, really.

39:45 Adam It's very true.

39:47 Caller The only one they'll show Sunday morning and not worry about it.

39:50 Adam It's very true. I really enjoy the show. I love the announcer.

39:57 Caller Yeah, it's not Namby Pamby. Oh, you like Mark Barrow?

40:01 Adam Yes, not because he's good, just because I like him.

40:03 Caller We get a big kick out of him. I believe he bills himself as the third most famous ring announcer in the world.

40:10 Adam Right.

40:10 Caller So we know who the first one is.

40:11 I don't know who the second one is.

40:13 Adam Jimmy Lennon Jr., probably.

40:15 Caller Who's that? The second most famous?

40:18 Adam Does he have a catchphrase? My dad used to do this and now he's gotten me into the business.

40:26 I reluctantly followed in his footsteps.

40:30 Adam His dad was a big ring announcer for many years. I think it's Jimmy Lennon Jr. He doesn't look like a ring announcer, sort of a blonde, sort of meek looking guy. I think his dad did it for many, many, many years. But be that as it may. Melanie? Yeah. You're 25?

40:53 Caller Unfortunately.

40:55 Adam What's wrong with being 25?

40:56 Caller Yeah.

40:58 Caller I have a problem keeping a man in my life. I have a seven-year-old daughter. I was very young.

41:06 Caller Yeah.

41:07 Caller And I now have a ten-month-old son. I'm a very responsible mother. I hold everything on my own. I just can't keep a man in my life.

41:19 Drew What does that keep a man? What does that mean?

41:21 Caller I can't. My son's father was in and out of my life for four years. He'd go to another woman instead of be with me.

41:28 Adam Right. And what about the latest dad?

41:32 Caller That's him.

41:33 Adam The first father.

41:35 Drew The first dad.

41:35 Adam What did he do?

41:37 Caller We kind of bailed on each other. I was too young and he started bailing out saying, you know, go get an abortion. I said, heck no. It took two to make this baby. It's at least going to take one to raise it.

41:48 Adam That's a nice piece of nothing that helps your kid in no way.

41:54 Caller I have...

41:54 Adam But it's good. I hate people with those isms. They always mean... They just mean nothing.

42:00 Caller I realize another family could have done better, but...

42:03 Adam All right. Well, listen, you're taking care of your kid, right?

42:07 Caller Right.

42:07 Drew How about the guys you choose? Maybe that's the problem.

42:10 Caller Yeah.

42:11 Caller Well, I sometimes... I'm learning that a lot of my problem probably stood by the good girls like bad boys, but, you know, I've done it all. No, no.

42:23 Drew That's not the way...

42:23 Caller I love the club scene. I love the club scene. There you go.

42:27 Caller Love the club scene.

42:28 Adam Oh, I want to chalk one up for someone who loves the club scene. But wait a minute. Why do you consider yourself a good girl?

42:38 Caller I don't consider myself a bad girl.

42:40 Adam Well, it doesn't make you a good girl. I mean, you got two kids, no daddy and you love the club scene. You're 25. Is that a good girl?

42:46 Caller But she's a responsible mother.

42:48 Adam Are you?

42:48 Caller I don't take men home from the club scene. I just love the club scene.

42:51 Adam Okay.

42:53 Drew Melanie.

42:54 Caller You got to start loving the Scrabble scene.

42:56 Drew Also to say good girls are trying to do bad boys means nothing.

42:59 Caller Well, I've done the church scene. Yeah.

43:02 Drew Here's the deal. You're looking for your- you asked the question.

43:05 Caller It's a lot of scenes.

43:07 Adam Let me make a quick assessment on Melanie. She has a lot of isms. Yeah.

43:15 Drew It's all intellectual crap.

43:17 Adam Yeah. It takes two to make a baby. It's going to take one to raise. I've done this. A good girl is like a bad- it's all just about-

43:23 Drew Total BS.

43:23 Adam Yes. She does not seem like she knows herself at all. She has a quick answer for everything. But it's just a bunch of- it's just words.

43:30 Drew So ask the questions.

43:31 Adam Melanie.

43:32 Caller Yes.

43:32 Adam Where's your dad?

43:33 Drew Thank you.

43:36 Caller Never known.

43:37 Drew Yeah. This is your problem. This is what you're looking for. It's not about being bad. It's about trying to make good the abandoning dad. So what you pick is guys that are abandoning.

43:46 Adam Right. Now you got two kids who don't know their dad.

43:48 Drew That's right.

43:49 Caller What's she trying to do then? Change him? Twist him?

43:51 Drew Well, that's what they try. That's the way humans work.

43:53 Adam Trying to fix something.

43:54 Drew Trying to fix something from her past. Make it good this time. Make him love me this time. But of course, when you pick guys that are abandoning, they abandon. Yeah. That's the kind of guy you pick.

44:02 Adam The thing that's horrible about the logic of it, and there's no logic involved with it. It's an emotional thing. It's like you had a car growing up that always had a bad carburetor. So you're going to buy a new car and try to fix the carburetor, except for the new car is fuel injected and doesn't have a carburetor, but it doesn't matter. You're going to fix in the new car what was broken in a car you had 20 years ago.

44:21 Caller Okay.

44:22 Adam Right. Okay. So Melanie?

44:24 Caller Yes.

44:26 Adam How about a little therapy and a little break from guys and not putting all your energy into what's up with guys?

44:33 Drew Read this book, Dreams of Love and Fateful Encounters.

44:37 Adam Did you write that down?

44:39 Caller Okay.

44:40 Drew Dreams of Love and Fateful Encounters. And we'll help you understand why you do these things. From an actual knowledgeable perspective, not a bunch of aphorisms.

44:49 Adam I'd like to recommend one called Hop on Pop.

44:53 Caller I'll go with Of Mice and Men.

44:56 Adam So yes, you did counseling.

44:59 Caller I did counseling and they pinpointed it back to my childhood.

45:04 Adam There you go. And now you got to do the work.

45:06 Drew And we're telling you the same thing.

45:08 Caller But it's like it was no answers.

45:09 Caller My doctor put me on Zoloft.

45:11 Drew Melanie, if you don't do the work and the work takes longer at the time, nothing's going to change.

45:18 Adam All right.

45:19 Caller So what work? Nothing? Just step back?

45:22 Adam Step back and get into a little therapy on behalf of your kids. Because you're giving them a bad example right now.

45:29 Caller Well, they don't see men in another man's life.

45:33 Drew Listen, the emotional life you're living is disturbed right now and it needs some help.

45:39 Caller Yeah, and they'll sense that.

45:41 Drew They're living that life. That's the one they're living with you.

45:44 Adam Yeah, absolutely. And listen, even if they're too young to speak, one of them is, one of them isn't. The ones that can't speak is all just vibration. Believe me, you're sending it off. All right. Let's talk to Lizzie, who's 17. Lizzie?

45:57 Caller Hello?

45:57 Adam What's up?

45:59 Caller I'm on this medication. Well, I'm on this medication to stabilize my mood, but I'm really depressed and the doctor won't put me in antidepressants.

46:10 Drew What medicines are you taking?

46:12 Caller Depakote and Seroquel.

46:15 Drew Well, Seroquel is kind of an antidepressant.

46:18 Caller But it's not working.

46:20 Drew Okay. Well, then you need to keep talking to your doctor about it. I'm sure they have reasons for not wanting to. You probably had some severe manic episodes, right?

46:27 Caller No, I didn't. Well, I had kind of anger issues.

46:32 Drew Yeah, that's mania. Irritability is mania. And that must have caused you some problems.

46:37 Caller Well, it wasn't irritability. It was more like rage.

46:40 Drew Okay. Call it what you wish. It must have caused some serious problems, and they above all don't want to trigger that mania again.

46:47 Caller But wouldn't the Depakote kind of like override it?

46:50 Drew Not necessarily.

46:51 Adam Hey, Dr. Lizzie, who's currently going for a GED and having difficulty, why don't you just listen to goddamn doctors, would you please? Yes?

47:02 Drew Get your levels checked. Make sure you get an adequate level of Depakote. Maybe a little more, Sarah Quill will talk to them about that. But let them do their job. Okay? All right. That's somebody you can't relate to that, just get another one, but don't prescribe for yourself.

47:15 Adam All right. And don't get pregnant. Yeah.

47:18 Caller Wait, wait, wait, Adam?

47:19 Adam Yeah.

47:19 Drew Oh, we got a break.

47:20 Caller Wait, wait, I got to ask for one favor because just, all right.

47:27 Adam All right. Hold on, retard. Jesus Christ.

47:30 Caller She's got to fly to a rage.

47:32 Adam I was looking.

47:33 Caller I can't believe you cut her off.

47:34 Adam I was, well, we'll get back. She can ask for favors. Looking at the clock and she goes, Adam, just one more favor. And I look at the clock and I went, well, we're running late for break. And then she stumbled for the next 20 minutes.

47:44 She's got to go to work.

47:45 Drew We'll get back.

47:46 Adam She built the wires here.

47:47 Caller We'll be back.

47:51 Caller Um, back in a minute.

48:27 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, and that is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. David Alan Greer is going to be in here tomorrow night, so everyone buckle up for that. He always comes in here in a real manic episode and goes nuts.

48:44 How long have you been blind, deaf, and dumb?

48:46 Caller I can't take it, Adam.

48:49 Drew Twinkie Hole.

48:52 Adam Bill Dwyer is our guest tonight from Comedy Central's BattleBots.

48:57 Caller This is an eye-opener for me, too. Come on. Really? I've listened to you guys, but I never realized how you're good. You guys are good.

49:04 Adam Oh, thanks. Well, people-

49:06 Caller Calling up, you pick the posers just like that. I don't care about coming back. My stomach's also churning, too. All this crazy stuff. I'm on Zoloft and Bancroft and what?

49:20 Adam Bill, you can find September 10th on his half-hour comedy special at 10 o'clock on Comedy Central as well. So-

49:28 Drew How come Adam and I have to do a comedy special for you?

49:32 Adam Well, I'd imagine if I tried to put together a stand-up act, they might let me do something.

49:37 Drew You'd do a stand-up act?

49:38 Adam I'd have to put it together.

49:40 Drew They could just take Cameron and film you and I doing our thing.

49:43 Adam Who? Comedy Central?

49:44 Caller They would.

49:45 Adam That's called Love Line The TV Show, right?

49:48 Drew No, but I mean the college thing.

49:49 Adam Oh, yeah. All right, Drew. Tell them.

49:52 Caller Say the word. You guys want me to make a call?

49:55 Adam Yeah. Make a call to Debbie Liebling. All right. Let's move forward and talk to Lizzie.

50:03 Caller I want to really help someone here.

50:04 Drew Lizzie wanted to finish saying something to Adam.

50:06 Adam Oh, right.

50:07 Caller Hey, thanks. All right. Adam?

50:10 Adam Yes.

50:10 Caller I got to ask for this, like, brief favor.

50:12 Adam All right.

50:13 Caller All right. Let me explain. About a year ago, actually, like a year exactly, I got locked up and it really sucked and basically there was nothing to do there. You know, I sat around and got fat.

50:23 Drew You're talking about a psychiatric hospital?

50:25 Caller Yeah.

50:26 Drew Yeah. This is why they don't want to give you antidepressants, all right?

50:29 Caller Well, no. I wasn't on any medication at the time.

50:32 Drew I understand, but you must have done something rageful.

50:35 Caller No. Actually, it was for running away. But anyway, basically, the only thing they had, there was this radio and it was really great because once you got up to like this high level, you got the radio to listen to at night. There was this song you used to always sing. Do you know what song I'm talking about?

50:54 Adam Oh, the theme from Taboo II?

50:57 Caller No. You know, I know what's going on.

51:01 Adam Oh, yes, yes.

51:02 Caller Can you sing that for me, please? It would just make my evening.

51:05 Drew You don't have that on tape?

51:06 Adam Yeah.

51:07 Drew The old vagina tape?

51:08 Adam Yeah. You Anderson, you have the old vagina song? Because I don't really remember what it was exactly. I don't know where it goes. What goes on in the old vagina, the old vagina, the old vagina. Yeah, there you go. Thank you, Lizzie. No problem.

51:24 Drew All right. We haven't heard Taboo II in quite some time though, I must admit.

51:27 Adam Let's hear it. Okay. Why not? This is the theme to one of my favorite old porn movies, Taboo II, and it's about a guy, the main character, the central character, his character's name is Junior. Junior is not only banging his girlfriend, but his sister and his mom.

51:49 Caller This is a song, Hence Taboo. Hence.

51:52 Drew However, in that day and age when this porn was actually created, he was considered just an expressive, creative, experimental kind of guy. Just, just exploring his sexuality.

52:00 Adam And this is, this is a-

52:01 Drew 1979.

52:02 Adam This little ditty is from the movie, and it's sort of an ode to Junior.

53:02 I don't know if this is mom singing. Come on, Eris, you'd want him to, if you only knew.

53:18 Adam Yeah.

53:20 Caller Wow, it goes in places you just never think.

53:23 Adam No.

53:23 Caller You think they're going to rhyme, and they don't, and detail, and...

53:27 Adam Yeah, it's a very... I'd really like to see Taboo II brought to the stage as a musical. I could star as Junior.

53:35 Drew Springtime for Taboo II.

53:36 Adam That's right. Allison?

53:38 Caller Yeah?

53:39 Adam You're 14? What's up?

53:41 Caller What's up with you?

53:42 Adam What's up?

53:44 Caller I said, what's up?

53:45 Adam All right, what do you want?

53:46 Caller Um, okay, well, actually, I have two questions, but that's not a problem.

53:50 Drew Real quick, let's go.

53:51 Caller Okay, well, um, like, probably about a year ago, I started, like, you know, a guy just called in, you know, and he said how he was, like, experimenting when he was younger, and I was just wondering if that was weird at such a young age, because, you know, I, like, was experimenting with my friend.

54:08 Drew Well, experimenting is one thing, but doing sexually directed activities.

54:13 Caller Well, no, it's like...

54:13 Caller I thought he was four, that guy.

54:16 Drew We didn't get that.

54:16 Caller You don't know what you're doing when you're four. I don't think.

54:19 Drew When people, when four-year-olds are sexually abused by an adult, then they start having very sexually directed activities.

54:24 Caller Well, I was abused when I was little.

54:26 Drew There you go.

54:27 Caller Yeah. Well, no, it's like, um, it's like I like being with guys, you know, like, but it's just, it's like I feel more comfortable with girls, and it's like, we abuse by mail. Yeah.

54:38 Adam Who abuse you?

54:39 Caller Um, my stepdad when I was about like four years old.

54:42 Caller Those guys, is it always the stepdad? Isn't it?

54:48 Adam It is.

54:48 Caller Or the butcher. Who is it?

54:50 Adam It's the candlestick maker who did it with me. I don't want to tell you where he put that candlestick.

54:55 Caller It was Professor Plum with me.

54:58 Adam The library. Hey, Allison?

55:00 Caller Yeah.

55:01 Adam Yeah. This guy's a despicable guy. Is your mother still with him?

55:05 Caller Actually, he's in jail because he killed her.

55:07 Drew Oh, my God.

55:09 Yeah.

55:10 Adam At least you can be jovial about it.

55:12 Drew That's an inappropriate laughter. He killed your mom?

55:15 Caller What?

55:15 Drew He killed your mom?

55:16 Caller Yeah.

55:17 Adam What happened?

55:18 Caller When?

55:19 Caller When I was like seven.

55:21 Adam What happened?

55:22 Caller Well, I'm pretty sure, you know, it was like in all the newspapers. He just he walked into her office and this killer.

55:29 Caller How long ago?

55:30 Caller Um, I don't know, probably seven years ago, seven or eight.

55:34 Adam And where have you been living since?

55:35 Caller With my dad and my stupid stepmom.

55:39 Adam And how is how's your dad?

55:42 Caller Oh, my dad's great. We have open communication and all that.

55:46 Adam Really?

55:46 Drew How you laugh when you said this guy killed your mom?

55:49 Caller Well, because I mean, I'm like on the radio.

55:52 Adam She's nervous.

55:52 Caller She's uncomfortable.

55:53 Caller Yeah, I'm nervous.

55:54 Drew Nervous laughter.

55:55 Adam Yeah, right.

55:57 Drew I mean, it's been tough to deal with that.

55:59 Caller Yeah. Well, I mean, I try and talk about it with my friends. It's just it's weird.

56:05 Adam Have you got any therapy?

56:07 Caller Like when I was really little.

56:09 Adam Right.

56:10 Caller I mean, I was like talking to my dad about it because this also brings up the other question. And whenever I get really pissed off, I was just wondering if this is like weird because whenever I get really pissed off, it is like I burn myself like and it's like I can't feel the pain. It makes me feel better.

56:26 Drew Yeah. It's the way of managing the overwhelming.

56:28 Caller And it's like I just want to know if that was weird because my friend kind of pointed out to me and said, you know, I should stop.

56:33 Adam Well, it's weird for people who weren't raped by their stepdad and didn't have their mother killed. But for what you've been through, it's about normal.

56:41 Drew But it is a symptom of how severe your distress is emotionally. And it really does suggest treatment is warranted here.

56:49 Caller That means that I'm kind of not over it. I mean, I feel like I'm over it.

56:53 Drew You're not over that. I'm not sure you ever get over it.

56:55 Caller You're not going to get over that for...

56:57 Drew It sounds like you're managing it okay, but you've got some other stuff going on here.

57:02 Caller Okay.

57:02 Caller You sound like a smart kid.

57:04 Caller Thank you.

57:06 Caller Yeah.

57:07 Adam And you'll have an okay life, but you're going to have to put a little work in. Because you got off to a rocky start, not your fault.

57:15 Caller Yeah.

57:15 Adam Your mom made a decision that got you molested and got her killed, basically.

57:21 Caller Well, I was just wondering if it's like, I mean, is it just like I'm ignorant right now or is it just that I'm a bisexual or something? What is it?

57:30 Drew What about your sexual identity?

57:32 Caller Yeah.

57:33 Drew You're going to have trouble forming any kind of solid sense of self with all that you've been through.

57:38 Caller Okay.

57:39 Drew And to your sexuality particularly is going to be kind of an issue for you because of having been so badly sexually abused. So you need help sorting through these things. There's a lot of that part of the brain, that emotional part of the brain that's not logical and doesn't use language, that needs help developing with the traumas it's been through and you need very trusted care.

57:58 Caller So I need therapy.

58:00 Adam Yeah.

58:01 Drew You really would help.

58:02 Adam Listen, I'm going to the shrink tomorrow and it's because my dad missed a handful of Pop Warner football games.

58:09 Drew Adam's been there for 11 years. 11 years.

58:12 Adam 15, that son of a bitch.

58:14 Drew All right, Allison, just put that in perspective. Of course, he doesn't do any work. He doesn't talk or anything.

58:20 Adam Talk about Pop Warner football. My dad's great. You know, I love to, you know, my thing in life now is I now torture my dad. Oh, really? For being an absentee dad because he's broke and he wants, you know, he, he's a, he's a good enough guy. He was, he was, he was not a great dad.

58:35 Caller Was he always working or was he, was he horsing around?

58:38 Adam He wasn't doing either one. He liked to sit home and read. He didn't like to go to Pompa Warner football games. But now, now he needs the son because he wants to go back to Philadelphia once a year and stuff. He doesn't have any money. So I got to pay for him. But I like to torture him now, which is the goodness. And he, I told him two things. I, I, he, he wanted to go back for his birthday to Philadelphia again. And he said, yeah, can you afford that? And I said, oh, the question isn't whether I can afford it. The question is, do you deserve it? Which felt nice. And then he laughed. Then the other day, yeah, he laughed. And then the other day, I talked to him and he said, yeah, I just got back in town. I was in Colorado for about four days. And I said, you were in Colorado? And he said, yeah. And I said, geez, I don't remember authorized paying for that. You got another son? What's going on here? Yeah, it's nice. It's great. That's why every kid should be successful. They go back and torture the parents. Yeah. All right. Allison has a lot of work to do, but she's doing good for someone who's been through what she's been through. And Allison, you're going to have a million different feelings and don't question them, but also don't act on them.

59:50 Drew Right.

59:50 Adam It's OK to have those feelings, just contain them and realize these were feelings that were created a long time ago.

59:57 Drew Just burn yourself.

59:57 Caller And write about them.

59:59 Drew Right.

59:59 Caller Yeah.

1:00:01 Adam Tina?

1:00:02 Caller Oh, hi.

1:00:03 Adam Hey, you're 19.

1:00:04 Caller What's up? That was crazy.

1:00:05 Caller Oh, hi. I have a brother who he seemed to like play with himself when I'm like in the room.

1:00:12 Drew What do you mean? You mean he actually overtly does it or you think that's what he's doing?

1:00:17 Caller He does it.

1:00:19 Drew Have you told him to stop?

1:00:20 Caller Does he take his pants off or does he do it through his pants?

1:00:24 Caller Well, I was he was sitting on the couch and I was like sitting at the computer and then he would cover himself with a blanket but I would see him like his hand moving up and down and he would have like a horny look on his face or something.

1:00:38 Caller How old is he?

1:00:39 Caller He's 15.

1:00:40 Adam Well, all 15 year olds have a horny look on their face so that's out the window. It stays there until they're 30.

1:00:48 Caller But my other brothers never did anything like that.

1:00:52 Drew You're his biological sister?

1:00:53 Adam Yeah. Do you think he's doing it?

1:00:57 Caller He won't go in the bathroom and do it. He just does it when there are people in the room. I don't understand that.

1:01:01 Drew No, he does it when a teen is in the room. He's doing it to a teen.

1:01:04 Adam Is he? Well, wait a minute. I want to ask that. Do you think he's doing it to you?

1:01:08 Caller No.

1:01:09 Caller Is he doing it now?

1:01:10 Drew I don't think she understands what that means.

1:01:11 Caller He's asleep.

1:01:14 Adam Well, why wouldn't he be doing it to you if he's doing it when you're in the room?

1:01:20 Caller I don't...

1:01:21 Caller He doesn't look at me.

1:01:22 Adam I know it's a bad... Do you have... Are you well-endowed?

1:01:27 Caller No.

1:01:28 Caller Well, I am...

1:01:29 Caller You know, I am cute.

1:01:31 Adam Yeah. You just heard the theme from Taboo, so you know it happens. Okay. But you don't. Yes. I know you thought that you knew your brother, but you don't. Maybe you did, but you don't now. Okay. Can you say something to him? What have you said something to him?

1:01:50 Caller Well, I have. I said, you know, go in the bathroom or something, and he's like, he doesn't really respond.

1:01:56 Caller He's getting a kick out of it, too. He must be.

1:01:58 Drew I think you ought to tell your mom.

1:02:00 Caller Yeah, I have told her, and she has talked to him about it, but she...

1:02:03 Drew What exactly did you tell her?

1:02:05 Caller You know, he's playing with himself, like when I'm in the room again.

1:02:10 Adam Is he retarded?

1:02:11 Caller No.

1:02:12 Adam Is there something wrong with him?

1:02:14 Caller I don't know, but he did run up, like, a thousand dollar phone bill on sex.

1:02:22 Drew Sex lines? Yeah. Is there addiction in your family? Alcoholism? Yeah. Yeah. Something may have happened to him early on. He may have been sort of touched or something, and you add that to a gene for addiction, and you get people that can't contain some of those sexual behaviors. And so, he really needs, I mean, your mom needs to take this very seriously, because this is going to be a progressive issue for him.

1:02:48 Adam Yeah. Your mom, tell your mom that Drew and Adam said contain this little effer before he's unleashed on society.

1:02:57 Drew Yeah, because he will.

1:02:58 Adam And killing hookers three years from now.

1:03:01 Caller Yeah, because he'll look at pornography on the internet, and then leave it to where I can find it.

1:03:07 Drew Yeah, but he is masturbating to you. That's what he's doing. Oh, and it's just completely out of line.

1:03:13 Caller And that blanket.

1:03:14 Adam Yeah, there should be some sort of sister exchange program where I could masturbate to you and he could masturbate to my sister.

1:03:22 Drew Wouldn't be quite so weird, then, would it?

1:03:23 Adam She's a little older, but she's still a piece of ass.

1:03:26 Caller If we could set up a satellite system, something.

1:03:28 Adam Tina, how about you thinking about getting out of that house, too?

1:03:32 Drew Yeah, you're 19. Yeah, this is a...

1:03:35 Adam This guy's disturbed.

1:03:36 Drew This is a serious issue. I mean, it can be treated, but it's gotta be taken seriously.

1:03:42 Adam This kid's as disturbed as anyone we've heard about. Is he not?

1:03:47 Drew It's hard to say from what she's telling us, but it's a pretty focused issue right now. It could be a lot of stuff going on.

1:03:53 Adam Possibly, but... And you got a situation where you told your mom, and she's like, well, kids are kids.

1:04:00 Drew Yeah, that's more disturbing than anything, frankly.

1:04:02 Adam Your mom should have gone nuts when she heard this.

1:04:05 Drew She airlifted him to a psychiatric facility. I mean, that's... Right.

1:04:08 Caller That and the $1,000 phone bill.

1:04:09 Caller Yeah, because he has done that in my room when we were playing video games.

1:04:14 Adam He's masturbated.

1:04:15 Caller Yeah, and I'm like, what are you doing?

1:04:17 Adam But Tina, here's what I'm going to... I'm going to give you the speech I give to people I usually reserve for people with bad roommates, which is, A, put a lock on your door. You don't need this guy getting hopped up on Nyquil and stumbling in your room at four in the morning while you're asleep.

1:04:34 Caller I have a lock on my door.

1:04:35 Adam Good. Lock your door every night. In your 19, it's time to start thinking about moving out, going to college, or getting a gig, or whatever.

1:04:43 Drew Get out of there, okay?

1:04:44 Adam Can you get out of there?

1:04:45 Caller Yeah, I'm going.

1:04:46 Adam Where are you going? Junior college?

1:04:47 Caller Yeah.

1:04:48 Adam Yeah.

1:04:48 Drew Which one?

1:04:49 Adam Forget it. Forget Junior college.

1:04:50 Drew Santa Monica City College?

1:04:53 Adam Where are you going?

1:04:55 Drew No plan. Oh boy.

1:04:57 Adam You don't know the name of your Junior college?

1:04:59 Caller Yeah, I know the name of it, but I don't really want to give out too much information.

1:05:01 Adam Okay, listen. Quit Junior college, get a job and move out.

1:05:06 Drew But, and get your mom to do something about your brother. He's in need of help.

1:05:09 Caller Okay.

1:05:10 Adam All right.

1:05:11 Caller All right.

1:05:11 Adam All right.

1:05:12 Caller Or you hook up with some people to Junior college, you get a little apartment.

1:05:15 Adam Yeah, listen, I moved out. I had my roommate, the Wheeze, Don, and we got a one-bedroom apartment in North Hollywood.

1:05:23 Drew I'm Gad Abou Zamzam.

1:05:24 Adam I'm Gad Abou Zamzam. He moved in later. There's a series of squatters and crashers after that. That's when we had three guys living there.

1:05:35 Caller You're always going to start in a one-bedroom, two people in one bedroom.

1:05:38 Adam Two guys, one food, Don. The rent was like $4.50 a month, and no car insurance, no nothing, just come up with enough to cover rent.

1:05:50 Caller Yeah.

1:05:50 Adam Um Gad was funny. Jesus Christ. I hope he's not listening.

1:05:53 Caller Is that his first name?

1:05:54 Adam Yeah. Um Gad, Abu Zam Zam. But I swear to God.

1:05:59 Drew Um Me, they call them.

1:06:01 Adam Um Me, we call them. Actually, I only called them Um Me when I wanted something from him.

1:06:04 Because that rolled off his tongue.

1:06:06 Adam No, the guy is a genius. And he went on to have this huge set building company that builds these crazy sets for all these huge commercials. Commercials where the cars are driving through the mazes and there's a giant boulder behind them. He does all that. Now the guy is a millionaire and everything, so it's all cool. Um Gad was driving us nuts because we had three guys living in one bedroom. And me and the Wheeze decided we wanted him out, but we couldn't, we didn't have the heart to tell Ami, hey, it's time to hit the road and he didn't have any place to go. So I called our landlord, his name was Jim.

1:06:42 Caller Can you tell if you had three people living there?

1:06:45 Adam He was in his 50s and he wore braces, this guy, Jim. But I called Jim and I said, hey Jim, Adam, the world's worst tenant and yes, you remember me, the guy, by the way, when Jim came to clean out our apartment after we'd moved, he announced to me that in his 30 some odd years and 20 some odd apartment buildings with hundreds and hundreds of units, he'd never seen a unit in this bad of condition. He'd never, he just kept telling me that repeatedly. It was like, in a way, it was a sort of form of flattery, it was a dubious honor.

1:07:16 Caller To get that.

1:07:17 Drew We have to find this guy and bring him in here. Oh my God.

1:07:20 Adam Oh the stories he would tell you. But this guy, so I called my landlord, and it was one of these great conversations. I said, Jim, this is Adam. I don't know if you know it, but we got three guys living here right now, and we want one of them out. So if you could draft up an official looking letter saying that has come to your attention that there's three and that's a violation of the agreement and blah, blah, blah, we could get this guy out. He goes, you're not supposed to have three guys living there. And I go, I know, that's why I'm making the phone call, and I want one out. When did three guys move in there? It's like, Jim, let's not live in the past. Draft the goddamn letter, let's get this thing moving. He'd acted as if he'd stumbled on to thing, and I kept going, I know, right there he goes, well, this is going to have to end. No, write the letter, we'll get this thing done. He was like, yeah, because you can't have three people.

1:08:11 Caller In his head he's going, I thought he was going to tell you, you couldn't have two guys.

1:08:14 Drew If you think you're going to manipulate me in to help you. Now wait a minute, but that guy's got to go. Wait a minute.

1:08:19 Adam It was a great conversation.

1:08:21 Caller Jim.

1:08:21 Adam Crystal?

1:08:23 Drew Yeah?

1:08:23 Adam You're 13? You're on with Bill Dwyer from BattleBots.

1:08:28 Drew What's up?

1:08:28 Caller Which you probably don't watch.

1:08:30 Adam Nope.

1:08:30 Caller It's more for the guys. The guys like it.

1:08:33 Adam Oh, they love it.

1:08:34 Caller But it's for the ladies too.

1:08:35 Adam I love that BattleBots. Go ahead there, Crystal.

1:08:39 Caller Okay, I'm not saying I've had sex, but I was just wondering, what is the probability of being pregnant, like, after had sex for like two minutes with protection?

1:08:52 Drew What do you mean with protection?

1:08:54 Caller Like a condom.

1:08:56 Drew Somebody entered you for two minutes with a condom on.

1:08:58 Adam She's not saying it.

1:08:59 Drew Yeah, I understand, of course. It's theoretically a 13 year old named Crystal who didn't have sex. I think you're pretty well protected there if the condom stayed on.

1:09:08 Caller So you're saying that you most likely wouldn't be pregnant?

1:09:12 Adam Well, if the condom functioned correctly, it didn't break or come off or anything.

1:09:18 Caller Okay, cool.

1:09:19 Drew Is that accurate? The condom didn't break or come off?

1:09:22 Caller Yeah.

1:09:23 Caller If you did have sex, who'd you have sex with?

1:09:26 Caller Boyfriend.

1:09:27 Adam I see.

1:09:27 Caller If you did have sex.

1:09:28 Drew How old is he?

1:09:29 Adam If he was alive, how old would he be now?

1:09:31 Caller Is he 18?

1:09:31 Drew If there was a boyfriend, how old would he be? 14.

1:09:35 Okay.

1:09:35 Adam Bye baby. You're moving along pretty fast, right?

1:09:38 Yeah.

1:09:39 Caller You can slow down a bit.

1:09:41 Caller Okay.

1:09:42 Caller Take in the sights.

1:09:43 Caller Thank you.

1:09:44 Adam All right. Hey, Crystal. Yeah? Just because you're not pregnant this time doesn't mean you're not going to be pregnant the next time, all right?

1:09:52 Caller Okay.

1:09:53 Adam And so keep that in mind. Yeah. Thank you. All right. Take care of yourself. Bye. All right. Bill Dwyer is our guest tonight from BattleBots on Comedy Central Tuesday nights, 10 o'clock. We're going to take ourselves a little break when we come back. Drew, we're going to speak to Matt. He's 22 while sleeping. He has sex with his girlfriend. It's like sleepwalking, he claims.

1:10:14 Caller Nice.

1:10:15 Adam After this.

1:10:19 Caller Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:10:45 Hi, this is Shaggy.

1:10:47 Caller Mr. Lovelove up front and person, and you're listening to Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Got it going on up close and personal.

1:10:57 Caller Yeah.

1:10:59 Adam Hey, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Bill Dwyer is our guest tonight. He is from BattleBots, 10 o'clock, Tuesday nights, Comedy Central.

1:11:08 Caller Again, not just for the ladies.

1:11:10 Adam No, but mostly mostly for the for the teens, the male teens. I love this show. I really do. I really enjoy the BattleBots.

1:11:22 Caller I'm telling you, it's a great show. I got to say, I've got to say, I think it's a great show. It you know, nobody gets hurt. Exciting. Learn something.

1:11:32 Adam Maybe it moves and it looks great. And they really up the ante this year in the Battle Dome there because they have all the hazards are scary now. I mean the hazards used to be more like speed bumps than they were actual hazards. There were things that sort of got in the way of you and the other robot, but now they destroy you.

1:11:53 Caller Yeah.

1:11:54 Adam They got the big hammer that comes down and the saw blades.

1:11:57 Caller Last year the hammer was breaking. The hammer was breaking, now it never breaks. It never breaks.

1:12:04 Adam You mean the thing that...

1:12:04 Caller The pulverizer.

1:12:05 Adam It's huge.

1:12:06 Caller The kill saw is amazing.

1:12:09 Adam The thing that I couldn't get a straight answer to when I was out there doing it, because as I said earlier, Jimmy and I went and did an exhibition thing against Jay Leno's robot.

1:12:18 Caller And you were... you know what? Kudos to you, my friend. You were driving okay. You had some bad moments, but you got in there and you were actually able to drive. Again, that's hard. People don't realize.

1:12:29 Drew That's the experience flying those model airplanes.

1:12:31 Adam Well, you know what was funny is I had this bot that had four wheels...

1:12:38 Caller Which are saws...

1:12:40 Adam .blades, saw blades, big, 60-tooth carbide, shop-grade, you know, like 12-inch saw blades. Now, I don't know if you've ever tried to drive something that doesn't actually have a tire on it. It actually has a saw blade on sort of a metallic floor. It doesn't exactly go real nice. I mean, when you stop, it doesn't stop. When you start, it spins out. But the thing was really funny. Mine wouldn't work, right, at the beginning of the match? Yeah. And the guy said, look, he gave me the remote. The remote had two gimbals on it, just like the one I used to fly the model airplane, so I felt pretty comfortable. And he said, push this one forward, and it'll go forward, and then you pull it back, it'll go reverse. I said, all right. He went over there. He worked on it a little. While he was working on it... You pushed it? No. He flipped it over. And then he came back, and he said, all right, you're ready to go. And I said, didn't you just flip the thing over? Because they make them so they can be flipped over and work both ways. He said, yep. And I said, well, now if I push forward, the thing goes backwards, and if I pull back, the thing goes forward. And he goes, oh yeah, that's right. And I thought, hey, thanks for the tip, pops. Thanks for the goddamn tip. We're about to start the thing, and I'm 180 degrees off here.

1:13:50 Drew Yeah.

1:13:50 Adam Thanks for piping up.

1:13:51 Drew Let's talk to Matt. Matt, 22.

1:13:57 Adam What's up?

1:13:58 Bill Dwyer Well, I'm hoping you have a... I'm hoping you've heard of my problem before, and you have a solution for it.

1:14:04 Drew Go ahead, tell us your problem.

1:14:05 Bill Dwyer Well, I tend to wake up in the middle of the night when I'm sleeping over at my girlfriend's house, 20 minutes or so after initiating sex with her.

1:14:16 Drew That's when you wake up.

1:14:17 Bill Dwyer That's when I wake up, but I was the one who started the whole thing.

1:14:19 Drew What time of night would that be?

1:14:21 Bill Dwyer Early morning.

1:14:22 Adam So you do 20 minutes. So you wake up and you're just watching TV, drinking a beer?

1:14:27 Bill Dwyer No, I wake up.

1:14:27 Drew He's already asleep again. What are you talking about?

1:14:29 Bill Dwyer No, I wake up and I'm on top of her and trying to do something, but of course I'm unconscious and I don't realize that she's got clothes on and God knows what I'm doing, you know?

1:14:39 Caller Hold on.

1:14:40 Drew She has clothes on in the middle of the night while she's sleeping?

1:14:42 Caller Yeah, she needs to start sleeping nude. You need clothes on.

1:14:46 Bill Dwyer Well, it's embarrassing for me though because I don't, you know, it is later how, you know, I...

1:14:52 Adam Wait a second, wait a second. First off, I don't know if I believe Matt.

1:14:55 Drew No, no, this is something we've heard of.

1:14:56 Adam Oh yeah, absolutely. It's not a wild question just the way it's presented. Matt, what does she sleep in? Sweatpants?

1:15:03 Bill Dwyer No, she sleeps in pajamas.

1:15:04 Yeah, like sweats.

1:15:05 Adam Okay. And what does she do when you're on top of her and you wake up?

1:15:09 Caller She's got to be a pretty sound sleeper.

1:15:11 Adam Right.

1:15:13 Bill Dwyer She kind of goes along with it, like she thinks I'm awake.

1:15:16 Adam Okay, so she wants to have sex?

1:15:18 Bill Dwyer Yeah, and we usually end up having sex, but it's really embarrassing at first. And also I've heard about like sleepwalkers becoming violent if you wake them up and that kind of worries me.

1:15:28 Adam Not really.

1:15:29 Caller That's an old grandma story, isn't it, Drew?

1:15:32 Drew For the most part, yeah.

1:15:33 Bill Dwyer All right.

1:15:34 Drew Do you have any other kind of sleeping disorders?

1:15:36 Adam No, none.

1:15:37 Drew Are you on any medication?

1:15:38 Caller No.

1:15:38 Drew Any medical problems?

1:15:40 Caller None.

1:15:41 Adam Is she on birth control?

1:15:43 Bill Dwyer No, she's not. We have to use a condom.

1:15:45 Adam Well, how do you put the condom on while you're asleep?

1:15:47 Bill Dwyer I don't have a condom on and I'm-

1:15:49 Adam Right.

1:15:50 Caller That's the only problem.

1:15:51 Adam There you go.

1:15:51 Drew If you need birth control, you need clothing.

1:15:54 Adam And why does-

1:15:55 Bill Dwyer I'm wondering if there's something I can do to prevent the whole act. I mean, I'm not in control here.

1:15:59 Adam It's just not happening in the middle of the night. Do you say, do you have sex before you go to bed?

1:16:05 Bill Dwyer When that happened, no.

1:16:06 Adam Why don't you have sex before you actually fall asleep?

1:16:11 Bill Dwyer Okay.

1:16:11 Adam Oh, I know, no, no, that sounds like a bizarre notion for a 22-year-old who's raping his girlfriend while she's asleep, but why don't you go ahead and just have the sex before you go to bed? I bet it'll get out of your system.

1:16:22 Bill Dwyer Well, a lot of times we're getting in really late at night, you know, we're both tired, we just want to sleep.

1:16:26 Caller Do you love the club scene?

1:16:28 Bill Dwyer Not really, no.

1:16:29 Drew Okay, well, listen, you're not using drugs or alcohol by the time you go to sleep.

1:16:34 Bill Dwyer Well, sometimes, yeah, we may have been drinking.

1:16:36 Drew Alright, well, again, cut back on the alcohol, I agree with Adam, be more structured with your sleep, have sex before, go to bed earlier, sleep adequately. I mean, sleep hygiene is a big part of this whole issue.

1:16:49 Adam Well, and Matt sounded, and I know we were kind of making fun of him, but he sounded genuinely disturbed about something that is fairly normal and not that wild, and he wasn't hurting her, and she goes along with it.

1:17:02 Caller Yeah, you're a little embarrassed, and then you wake up, and then you're having sex.

1:17:06 Drew And if you really are worried, you can see a neurologist or a sleep specialist, because there can be seizure-type phenomena associated with this.

1:17:12 Adam Well, put it this way, I have trouble sleeping when there's a pie in the refrigerator. I always have trouble sleeping around Thanksgiving. If I know there's half a pumpkin pie downstairs in the fridge, I will get up at some point and eat it. Because I'm going to bed knowing that there's-

1:17:31 Drew If that pie were laid down right next to you.

1:17:33 Adam I would definitely rape the hell out of that pie. I'd give it some-

1:17:37 Caller Lovingly or violently?

1:17:40 Adam I can do both. That's the beauty of me. I'm telling you that tin would not be good for redemption at Marie Callender's.

1:17:49 Caller That sounds like the greatest morning. Waking up, sleeping, sex, and then get an automatic coffee maker.

1:17:56 Adam He should beat one out before he goes to bed. Go to bed in a pair of Levi cutoffs or something. Get her to get naked and don't be so freaked out about it. Every 22-year-old does this.

1:18:07 Caller Jimmy?

1:18:08 Adam Yes, we've all done this. No, but you guys, you know what I'm talking about? There's some nights, it's true, you get home, you're tired, maybe a little drunk, you go, we should have sex, and then you think, oh, screw it, I'm tired. You passed out, you fall asleep for two hours, you wake up, and now you got a new charge on your battery.

1:18:22 Caller Yeah, you're all rotted up.

1:18:24 Adam Jimmy?

1:18:25 Bill Dwyer Yeah, hey.

1:18:26 Adam What's up?

1:18:27 Bill Dwyer All right, since third grade, I was taking different forms of Ritalin. Ritalin at first, then Dexedrine after a couple years, then Adderall. Last year, I said, screw this, and I stopped partially because of what you said, Drew, when you had the TV show saying that it decreased size and-

1:18:48 Drew Decreased what? Huh? What?

1:18:51 Adam How?

1:18:52 Bill Dwyer You said that the speed like decreases the size of your dick, right?

1:18:57 Drew No, I said that amphetamine, methamphetamine-

1:19:00 Bill Dwyer Not Ritalin?

1:19:02 Drew Not Ritalin.

1:19:02 Adam Well, Ritalin is speed.

1:19:03 Drew It's not methamphetamine though. It might decrease the sort of the tumescence of the penis. In other words, the performance of your penis might be altered by it.

1:19:14 Bill Dwyer Okay. Well, I stopped taking that a year ago. Can that get back to full potential of what it would have been had I not taken that?

1:19:20 Drew It already is full potential.

1:19:22 Bill Dwyer Oh, really?

1:19:22 Drew It doesn't have anything to do with that.

1:19:24 Adam Hey, Drew.

1:19:25 Caller How's it looking, full potential-wise?

1:19:27 Adam I'm guessing that great. Jimmy? Uh, what? How's the penis doing?

1:19:35 Bill Dwyer Uh, I don't know what it would be.

1:19:39 Drew Jimmy.

1:19:39 Adam All right, hold on. I got to talk about something for a second. I'm going to try to save this call by talking about something that he brought up. Ritalin is a sort of speed.

1:19:51 Drew It's a stimulant, yeah.

1:19:52 Adam It affects your body that way.

1:19:53 Drew Yeah.

1:19:54 Adam But it's not a methamphetamine.

1:19:55 Drew No, it's related to methamphetamine. Dexedrine is a methamphetamine. But the point is, they do nothing to the size of your penis. Nothing.

1:20:01 Adam Right. Okay. And I'm guessing Jimmy does not have the world's greatest schlong if he's hanging his hat on this one.

1:20:08 Drew Jimmy's got some esteem issues, and so the schlong is Jimmy.

1:20:11 Adam Right. Jimmy?

1:20:13 Bill Dwyer Yeah. Yeah, I got some esteem issues.

1:20:15 Adam Right. What's up? What's wrong?

1:20:18 Bill Dwyer Well, just don't have confidence in it.

1:20:22 Adam I don't know. Have you had sex before? No. Is it because you don't feel confident?

1:20:29 Bill Dwyer I don't know. Is it not accurate to compare to the porno dicks? Is that not right?

1:20:36 Drew That's not right.

1:20:37 Caller That's probably not a good idea.

1:20:39 Drew I should 17.

1:20:41 Adam I do. It's just I will use porn as a template for my penis, but I have a 14 inch TV and I will go actual size. I will actually hold my penis up next to the six millimeter penis of Ron Jeremy and think, well, I got a bigger one than him. Now, coincidentally, my head is eight times his size. So is my hand, but it still makes me feel better.

1:21:06 Caller You got to be happy with your rod.

1:21:08 Drew Adam admitted me once. He takes a snow globe, a snow globe that holds it up to his penis. So he feels like the penis is threatening the village below.

1:21:16 Caller Yeah.

1:21:17 Adam I make noise. I will crush your complex, your little hobble.

1:21:22 Get back into your homes.

1:21:24 Adam Here comes a giant penis. I position the light in such a way where it casts a shadow, creating an eclipse.

1:21:32 Our crops will be ruined.

1:21:34 Adam That's right.

1:21:36 Caller Here comes the flood.

1:21:38 Adam All right. Jimmy, your penis is fine. Yeah. It's you that you got to worry about and stop focusing on your penis. Really? Is there anything you're good at in life? Is there anything you like?

1:21:51 Drew Comedy.

1:21:53 Adam You like comedy?

1:21:54 Caller Yeah.

1:21:54 Bill Dwyer Good. I love the show, man.

1:21:55 Adam Well, thanks. Well, now do you want to do it?

1:21:58 Bill Dwyer The show? No.

1:21:59 Adam I mean comedy in general.

1:22:01 Bill Dwyer Oh, yeah. Stage performance.

1:22:03 Adam I want you to get a notebook and start writing down jokes. If you think they're funny, feel free to use my Snow Globe routine.

1:22:10 Caller Yeah.

1:22:11 Adam Go hit an open mic somewhere and join a group, improv troupe or something.

1:22:16 Caller You can do whatever you want when you're 17.

1:22:19 Bill Dwyer I'm in improv, yeah.

1:22:20 Adam All right. Keep going with that and stop worrying about your penis.

1:22:23 Caller That's going to do a bunch for you.

1:22:24 Drew Yeah. You'll meet somebody there too.

1:22:26 Caller You'll meet someone in your improv group and they'll have issues.

1:22:30 Adam That's right. You guys can have a family with issues.

1:22:33 Caller My vagina is too big.

1:22:34 Adam Jesse? Jesse? Yeah, you're 21.

1:22:38 Caller What's up, guys?

1:22:39 Adam How's it going?

1:22:40 Caller Do women ever call up with too big a vagina?

1:22:43 Adam They worry that it's going to be too big if it's a man, but it's never too big. Jesse?

1:22:52 Caller Yeah, here's my question. I'm getting married in two weeks, and my fiance has been on birth control pill for two months. And as far as I know, her gynecologist has told her that she can control her cycle with these pills, but it's not controlling the cycle, like she's starting the cycle right now.

1:23:13 Drew She's not cycling, she's having mid-cycle bleeding, which is one of the side effects of the pill. She needs to talk to the doctor about it and adjust the pill.

1:23:21 Caller Well, that's the problem is we called the doctor and they said, well, we can't really get you in before the wedding, so.

1:23:27 Drew Why can't they just handle this over the phone?

1:23:30 Caller I don't know. That's what I was thinking. If it's not anything serious, then why can't they just give us some info? And so I thought, hey, I'll call Loveline.

1:23:37 Drew Was it a gynecologist you're saying? Yeah, a gynecologist.

1:23:41 Adam Well, Jesse, here's the plan, by the way.

1:23:45 Caller All right.

1:23:46 Adam You let her have her period, you nail her on the wedding night, then you hang the bloody sheet out the window on the balcony railing, as tradition would have it, and everyone thinks you broke her hymen and she was a virgin.

1:23:59 Caller Sweet, huh?

1:24:00 Adam Yeah.

1:24:02 Caller And then Michael Landon will come running home from school.

1:24:05 Adam That's right, with the urine soaked sheet, the loneliest runner. Don't think you're going to find that on other shows, by the way, people knowing what the hell you're talking about with Michael Landon.

1:24:17 Drew Hey, Jesse, what pill is she taking?

1:24:20 Caller Low estrogen.

1:24:22 Drew Yeah, that's a pretty low estrogen. That's a very low estrogen pill.

1:24:24 Adam Well, wait a minute, Drew, you said to handle it over the phone. He's on the phone now and you're a doctor.

1:24:28 Drew He wants you to clear this up. I'm getting into it.

1:24:30 Adam Well, hurry.

1:24:31 Drew You may need a higher dose estrogen pill. She may need to switch to a different pill, and that's what she needs to call and ask about.

1:24:37 Caller Plus, you might have to wear a rubber on your wedding night.

1:24:40 Drew No, no, no. It's not about effectiveness. They just don't want the moss.

1:24:44 Caller If they up the dosage or whatever, are we going to have to wait for it to become effective?

1:24:49 Drew No, it can be right away.

1:24:50 Adam Drew, what about taking two pills?

1:24:53 Drew No, no.

1:24:54 Adam No? Oh, he thought about it.

1:24:56 Caller Mossy, fussy.

1:24:57 Drew Call them about getting a higher dose estrogen pill or adjusting the dose so the line of the uterus stabilizes. That's what you're looking for. These days, you can take these monophasic pills continuously so she never has her period. That's sort of a new school of thought.

1:25:12 Adam Look, I may be old school, but I say hang that bloody sheet out the window.

1:25:16 Caller Wear the red helmet.

1:25:18 Drew Unacceptable. What the hell does that mean?

1:25:19 Caller I don't know.

1:25:20 Drew It scares me.

1:25:21 Caller Come on.

1:25:22 Drew The red sheet after a heavy mid-cycle bleeding could look like she was a legend.

1:25:28 Adam The whole village will be elated when they see the virgin was deflowered on her wedding night. We'll be back.

1:25:34 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:25:36 Adam We'll be right back. Hey, everybody, it's The Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, he's Dr. Drew. David Alan Greer in here tomorrow night, and anyone who listens to the show with any regularity knows that will be a great show because David is actually very, very funny, and a nice guy. So when he's a friend, so he's a dear, dear friend.

1:26:31 Drew So that was him, your dear, dear friend.

1:26:33 Adam Bill Dwyer.

1:26:34 Winky hole, baby!

1:26:35 Drew Woo!

1:26:35 Adam There we go. Bill Dwyer, one of my compadres from Comedy Central, is in here tonight.

1:26:42 Caller I kind of feel like I'm being measured up against David Alan Greer.

1:26:46 Adam It's tough because Dave is a dear friend, dear, dear, dear friend, dear friend. But he's, no, you, listen, listen. Bill Dwyer is Bill Dwyer, and David Alan Greer is David Alan Greer.

1:26:58 Caller Is Dag.

1:26:59 Adam Right. I think that's canceled, isn't it?

1:27:02 Caller Is it?

1:27:02 Adam I think it is. Well, we'll just, for, we'll just assume, we'll assume it's canceled.

1:27:07 Caller A network show.

1:27:08 Drew We'll talk to them tomorrow. It's a huge success.

1:27:09 Caller It's good to have a network show.

1:27:10 Adam Right. And here's a spin that David puts on it, a low ratings.

1:27:16 Caller Yeah.

1:27:17 Adam It's an interesting spin. That's a truthful spin.

1:27:20 Drew Why do you cancel? Low ratings.

1:27:21 Adam Low ratings.

1:27:21 Drew Low ratings.

1:27:22 Adam So, you know what I'd love?

1:27:23 Caller Nobody else.

1:27:24 Adam I would love to have some sort of cosmic percentage scale where we all know that 97, 98 percent of shows that are canceled are canceled for low ratings, except for a Loveline TV show. Right?

1:27:38 Caller Was that doing well when they canceled it?

1:27:39 Adam No.

1:27:40 Drew Very well.

1:27:40 Adam No, it was not. Very well?

1:27:43 Drew It was doing very well.

1:27:44 Adam Who are you kidding? They don't cancel anything that's doing very well.

1:27:46 Drew No, no. They lost well.

1:27:48 Adam It was doing fine, I'm sure.

1:27:49 Caller It must have been dough, money.

1:27:51 Adam Why? Oh, it was a money thing? Okay. Well, maybe it was doing well.

1:27:55 Drew All right.

1:27:56 Adam The point is that's 95 percent of the time. I'm wondering what the answer that is given 95 percent of the time, because it would never be low ratings. It would be politics and contracts and a-holes and stuff like that.

1:28:08 Drew But they didn't even give it a chance.

1:28:10 Adam That's right. Bill Dwyer on here from BattleBots, which is now in its third season.

1:28:16 Caller That's pretty cool.

1:28:17 Adam Looking better than ever. I love that show. Comedy Central, 10 o'clock Tuesday nights. Marcos?

1:28:22 Caller Yeah.

1:28:23 Adam You're 25?

1:28:24 Caller Yeah.

1:28:24 Adam What's up?

1:28:25 Caller My mom is 40. So I'm in the middle of a trouble. I love her.

1:28:32 Adam You love your mom?

1:28:33 Caller Oh, yeah. She's.

1:28:34 Adam Yeah.

1:28:35 Caller She's man.

1:28:36 Adam She's fine. I have a body. She's beautiful. Good luck in her. Fufu smells a little bit. I got to tell you, but we've been drinking pretty hard. So you never know. We should have should have rode that mechanical bull before.

1:28:50 Caller Plus, I was like 8th in line.

1:28:52 Adam Right. What's that, Marcos?

1:28:54 Caller I'm in love with her boyfriend and I'm in love with her.

1:28:59 Adam You're in love with her?

1:29:00 Caller I love to see her having sex.

1:29:02 That's a damn lie and you know it.

1:29:04 Adam With her boyfriend?

1:29:06 Caller With her boyfriend.

1:29:07 Adam With her boyfriend. Yeah. Are you living at home, Marcos?

1:29:10 Drew Oh, yeah. Why?

1:29:12 Caller Well, because we're alone. I'm supporting her.

1:29:15 Adam You're supporting your mom?

1:29:17 Caller So she's living with you?

1:29:18 Caller She don't work.

1:29:19 Drew What about her boyfriend?

1:29:20 Caller Well, he doesn't live here.

1:29:23 Drew Why doesn't he support her?

1:29:25 Caller Well, because I'm the only one working.

1:29:28 Drew What does he do?

1:29:29 Caller She's not working.

1:29:30 Drew What does he do?

1:29:31 Caller She used to be the second guy.

1:29:32 Drew The boyfriend. What does he do?

1:29:33 Caller Oh, this guy is kind of like a machine shop or something like that.

1:29:37 Caller He's a blacksmith.

1:29:39 Adam And what do you do, Marcos?

1:29:41 Caller I do machine shop, too.

1:29:44 Caller I may settle.

1:29:45 Caller I guess he does that same thing, but I'm not sure. I don't know much. He's kind of new.

1:29:52 Adam I sort of believe Marcos, actually. You really think your mom's hot?

1:29:57 Caller She is.

1:29:58 Caller She's so beautiful.

1:29:59 Caller She's hot.

1:30:00 Drew So what are you calling us for?

1:30:02 Caller Well, I just want to tell you that I'm in, I heard you guys talking about Taboo in, in that situation.

1:30:12 Adam Right. What about your grandma or your sister?

1:30:15 Caller I don't have no sisters.

1:30:17 Adam No sisters?

1:30:18 Caller I'm the only one here.

1:30:19 Adam Really?

1:30:20 Caller Yeah.

1:30:20 Adam Are you Mexican? Yeah. You got one kid?

1:30:25 Caller Do I?

1:30:27 Adam Your mom had one kid?

1:30:28 Caller I'm the only one.

1:30:29 Adam Your mom's Mexican?

1:30:30 Yeah, she is.

1:30:32 Drew I had him when she was 15. She's so hot.

1:30:35 All right.

1:30:37 Adam All right, but she doesn't, no more brothers and sisters, huh?

1:30:39 Caller No, I'm the only one.

1:30:41 Adam Interesting.

1:30:42 Caller All right.

1:30:43 Caller Yeah.

1:30:44 Adam Yeah.

1:30:44 Drew Got a uterine inflection complicating delivery.

1:30:46 Caller Right.

1:30:49 Caller It's kind of hard to me to be here and see him.

1:30:51 Drew Well, then get out of there and live independently, huh?

1:30:54 Caller Yes. I don't want to. She's so hot, man. She's something that I want, but I can't get into it.

1:31:00 Caller Find someone who looks like me.

1:31:01 Adam Well, I don't know. I mean, why don't you tell her not to, you know, just...

1:31:03 Caller Don't be so hot...

1:31:04 Adam .side all over to her room with a couple of wine coolers and tell her not to be so uptight.

1:31:10 Drew No, no. Come on, you guys.

1:31:11 Caller I don't know what to do.

1:31:12 Adam I don't know if I believe him or not.

1:31:14 Drew I don't know.

1:31:16 Adam Hold on. Marcos. Marcos. Marcos. You have a girlfriend, a wife, anything?

1:31:21 Caller Yes, I do. I do have a girlfriend. A boyfriend?

1:31:24 Adam Boyfriend?

1:31:25 Caller No, a girlfriend.

1:31:26 Adam Boyfriend?

1:31:27 Caller Not a boyfriend. Girlfriend.

1:31:28 Adam Uh-huh. And how is she doing? Does she like her dad?

1:31:34 Caller What do I mean?

1:31:35 Adam What do I mean? I mean, okay, look.

1:31:38 My dad...

1:31:39 Caller I don't have a dad.

1:31:40 Adam You don't have any... I know you killed him when you were in the eighth grade.

1:31:42 Caller No, no, no.

1:31:43 Adam You don't have any kids, do you?

1:31:44 Caller He led us when I was just a little kid.

1:31:46 Drew Do you have any kids yourself?

1:31:49 Caller No, he led us.

1:31:50 Adam Okay.

1:31:50 Caller I don't know nothing about him.

1:31:51 Adam Okay, Marcos. Let me give you some good advice. Do not get your girlfriend pregnant, and if you do have sex with your mom, pull out with her too because... I can't quite figure out Marcos. There was a...

1:32:05 Drew There's no question.

1:32:05 Adam No question. But I'm sure...

1:32:07 Caller He needed to get that off his chest.

1:32:09 Adam I'm sure a disturbed call. I'm sure a disturbed person.

1:32:12 Caller Yeah.

1:32:13 Adam Probably a bogus call. I think the thing that tipped it was the single child Mexican family. That does not exist. That has never existed.

1:32:22 Caller I'm an astronomer.

1:32:23 Drew Sam, 17.

1:32:25 Caller Yeah.

1:32:26 Adam Hi.

1:32:26 Caller Adam, Dr. Drew.

1:32:27 Adam Yes. And Bill Dwyer.

1:32:28 Caller And Bill Dwyer.

1:32:29 Caller And Bill Dwyer.

1:32:30 Drew What's up, Sam?

1:32:30 Caller All right. Well, first of all, I just want to say, Adam, your idea of killing the 1% of guys who take the 99% of women is an excellent idea.

1:32:39 Adam Thank you.

1:32:40 Drew Hey, Sam, you got about 20 seconds here, unfortunately. What's up?

1:32:44 Caller Well, I have a big problem. It's going to take longer than that.

1:32:48 Adam Well, let me say what it is.

1:32:49 Drew We can call you back tomorrow.

1:32:50 Adam No, we can't. 64215, right?

1:32:53 Caller Yeah, and I used to be 240.

1:32:55 Adam Yes.

1:32:56 Caller One year ago.

1:32:57 Adam And you think you're bulimic?

1:32:59 Caller I am bulimic. I've been throwing up for the last three months.

1:33:02 Drew You've been treated?

1:33:04 Caller Have I what?

1:33:04 Drew Been treated?

1:33:05 Caller Yeah. Well, I was caught a month ago and I stopped for a while.

1:33:09 Drew Have you been treated?

1:33:10 Caller No, I have not been treated, just like therapy. But I haven't been treated because I started doing it again.

1:33:17 Adam Okay. You need to be treated for an eating disorder.

1:33:20 Drew Yeah, I don't mean successfully treated. I mean, are you in treatment?

1:33:23 Caller Yeah, I am right now.

1:33:24 Adam For your eating disorder? Yeah.

1:33:27 Drew What's your question?

1:33:28 Caller Well, last Friday, because usually I throw up after like big meals lately, you know, I used to do it twice a day, and now I do it less. And I threw up and the blood came out when I threw up.

1:33:41 Drew Well, you can either get a gastritis from all that vomiting or you can tear the esophagus, something called a Mallory Weiss tear. The problem with those tears is the bleeding can be brisk for them and you can actually bleed to death in a few minutes. So it's something that you need to talk to Dr. Matt.

1:33:53 Adam Okay. Good luck, sir.

1:33:55 Caller Hello, this is your radio. Love Line will be right back.

1:34:33 Adam All right, everybody, that is it with the Loveline. David Allen Grier in here tomorrow night, Bill Dwyer, wonderful job.

1:34:42 Caller Thank you, gentlemen. It's Ben and I opener.

1:34:44 Adam Bad Ronald, everybody.

1:34:46 Caller Bad Ronald. You can't find it anywhere.

1:34:49 Adam I'm going to build a Battle Bot and name it Bad Ronald.

1:34:52 Caller Oh, you should.

1:34:53 Caller That is excellent. That is, you got the shop at the party house.

1:34:57 Drew Killdozer.

1:34:58 Adam No, Killdozer are good, but a band already named themselves Killdozer, so Bad Ronald. BattleBots, Tuesday nights on the flagship station, which is Comedy Central, 10 o'clock. Everybody catch Bill there and until next time, this is Adam Crowell for Dr. Drew Usain. Mahalo.

1:35:15 Bill Dwyer I don't know. Is it not accurate to compare to the porno dicks?

1:35:21 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, July 30, 2001