Episode 1000754886954

1:02 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:08 Voiceover Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, coast to coast.

1:13 Adam Yeah, Loveline, I'm Adam Corolla. That's my good buddy Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. New fax number, 310, don't remember the rest.

1:25 Drew 840-4051.

1:28 Adam See, see, when you don't smoke weed kids, you see what happens? You spit out fax numbers like they're going out of style. All right, Dr. Drew is a board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Tonight, our guest is the love that the two hosts find between each other, but coming up, Jennifer Blank from Dark Angel.

1:46 Drew Is she the lead?

1:47 Adam I have no idea. I don't know, probably not.

1:49 Drew We don't get the leads.

1:51 Adam I think she may work craft service.

1:52 Drew Ah, got it. Okay, that's good.

1:55 Adam We get Anderson Cooper, who is the host of the Mole, XFL cheerleaders. Well, that will be a good time. And our good buddy Jeremy McGrath, the super, super bowl of motocross man.

2:07 Drew Now that he's taken your 1-800-collect job.

2:09 Adam Oh, yes, that son of a bitch. He's getting all my phone money. All righty. Ready to go here, Drew? Brooke?

2:18 Yes.

2:18 Adam You're 19. What's up?

2:21 Caller Well, I've been with like 11 different people. I know that's a lot in like only 19 years, but every single one of them, not or rather not any of them can get me to an orgasm.

2:33 Drew None of them. That would be normal for a 19-year-old.

2:36 Adam Well, through intercourse maybe, but through oral sex, you may have squeezed one off by now.

2:42 Yeah.

2:42 Drew Yeah.

2:43 Oral, but any other way now.

2:46 Drew Okay. You may never get any other way.

2:49 Caller Well, is there something that can be done about that? Or is this just something I have to deal with for the rest of my life?

2:54 Drew Well, why is that important to you?

2:57 Caller I mean, like, what's the big deal?

2:58 Like, I can't really...

2:59 Drew What is the big deal?

3:00 That's the question.

3:01 Caller That's what I want to know. That's like the whole point.

3:04 Like, I don't understand what the big deal is.

3:06 Drew Like you don't like sex, is that what you're saying?

3:07 Caller It's not that I don't like it. I just, I'm tired of having to do it myself all the time.

3:12 Adam Well, how do you do it yourself?

3:14 Do I have to go into detail about that?

3:16 Well, yeah.

3:19 Well, don't talk about this.

3:22 Caller Anyway, I just kind of rub like, you know, like around the clitoris.

3:28 Adam I see.

3:29 Yeah.

3:30 Adam Where's that? Near the anus?

3:31 No.

3:32 Adam Where's that, Drew?

3:33 Drew Near the chin.

3:34 Adam Near the chin? Interesting. Mental note, clitoris near chin.

3:38 No.

3:39 Caller All right.

3:41 Adam And all right, so you rub it around. And if a guy rubs it around, you'll get the orgasm?

3:47 Not really.

3:48 Caller All right.

3:48 Adam But if he performs oral sex on you, you'll have the orgasm. Yeah. All right. Well, you know, at 19, squeezing off an orgasm via oral sex, you're marginally ahead of the game.

3:59 Drew Marginally ahead of your peers.

4:02 Adam Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

4:03 Drew Yeah, not just the game. I mean, the peers, you're doing better than most.

4:06 Oh, okay.

4:07 Drew And then to have it during intercourse, but ahead of the game suggests something like a game with herself.

4:12 Adam Yeah, it does. No, only to you. I mean, you're above the 50 percentile, is what I'm saying, right? You're a little head of the game, no matter how old you are, but especially the 19 year olds.

4:25 Drew Yeah, and this is as good as it gets for, would you say most?

4:29 Adam For most, but time is on your side. And if you find the right man and as you mature a little bit, it's maybe something that will happen down the road.

4:38 Drew And you might find if you actually get in a relationship where you really care about somebody.

4:42 Caller Yeah, I am now, but like he feels bad. It makes him feel like, oh, he just whines.

4:48 Adam Does he give you an orgasm every time with the oral sex?

4:51 No, I don't because I don't ask.

4:54 Caller I get bored.

4:55 Adam You get bored with it.

4:56 Drew Like, you know, I was thinking about this today.

4:58 Adam You know, men, men, you know, I can't stand women like Brooke. You know, thanks. Well, you're getting bored with oral sex.

5:07 Caller No, I'm not getting bored with oral sex. I just don't demand it every time. It's like after he's done, I'm just like, whatever, get off me.

5:14 Adam All right, baby. Well, I have a good time out there with the lads. All right.

5:19 Drew I was thinking about that. We've talked about a few times about how women can sort of take it.

5:24 Adam You wonder why she's not having an orgasm. It's like I get bored. Like when he's done, I'm like, get off me.

5:31 Drew She's not involved.

5:31 Adam You ain't going to have an orgasm for at least 150 years. Timothy McVeigh is going to be out of prison before your next orgasm.

5:40 Drew She's not into any of the guys she's with. That's the big problem. But you don't have to talk to the past.

5:43 Adam She's not into any guys.

5:44 Drew But how women can kind of take it or leave it, the orgasm part, or even sometimes go to the point, nearly go, ah, no.

5:51 Adam Can't do it. I love that.

5:52 Drew And I thought for a guy, it's like when the train is leaving the station, it's leaving the station. Once the locomotive hits the track.

6:01 Adam When the Chattanooga Choo-Choo is leaving the Penis Station.

6:07 Drew It's got to be going. It's got to reach its destination. Yeah.

6:11 Adam Yeah. You wouldn't stop.

6:12 Drew It's a locomotive.

6:14 Adam Right. But I don't know what your point is, is it regards to this car.

6:16 Drew Well, she's sort of like, I don't ask for it. Sometimes I want it, sometimes I don't, whatever.

6:19 Adam All right. Now listen, I don't care about her.

6:22 Al?

6:23 Yeah.

6:23 Adam You're 19.

6:24 Caller Yeah.

6:24 Adam What's up?

6:26 Caller Well, my friend told me that I have this special talent. And you see, I can make myself shoot without touching myself.

6:37 Adam Right. You just got to have another guy's ass wrapped around your penis.

6:42 Caller Not that.

6:43 Adam No?

6:44 Caller I really don't have anything around my penis.

6:46 Adam I see. No contact.

6:48 Caller No contact.

6:49 Adam And how do you do this then?

6:51 Drew Do you bend the spoons and things too?

6:53 I think about sex.

6:55 Adam You just think about sex and are you on your back or are you standing up?

6:59 I'm on my back.

7:01 Caller I'm laying down on my bed.

7:02 Drew Do you have an erection or does Seaman just spring forth?

7:04 Adam You have an erection, right?

7:06 Caller Yes.

7:07 Adam And you're on your back.

7:08 Caller Yes.

7:09 Adam Oh, two hands free for the magazine and you just lie there thinking about sex.

7:13 Caller I just think about sex. I don't look at porn. I don't masturbate. I talk about sex a lot and I don't believe in sex before marriage.

7:21 Adam I see.

7:22 Caller But I ejaculate.

7:24 Adam Well, you're the kind of guy that would be all right in prison. You know what I mean? No porn, no women, no nothing, no hands. Just handcuffs shackled behind the back. He's really like a Goudini. Put him in a straight jacket. Spudini. Spudini. Sorry. Spudini. Put him in a straight jacket. Oh, my God. That that is my porn name. Spudini. Yes. Write that down, Drew. That is my new porn name. I got to get into porn now just to use the name Spudini. Have myself one of those Frenchman's pencil and mustaches, wear a cape and a top hat. Spudini has arrived, ladies.

8:07 I like that.

8:08 Adam Watch his magic wand. Watch him pull some semen out of his penis. Yeah. Okay.

8:14 I flex it a little bit.

8:15 Right, right.

8:17 Adam And you don't... And how long does this take, Spudini?

8:19 Caller It usually takes about an hour to an hour and a half.

8:23 Adam Well, listen.

8:24 Caller A lot of flexing.

8:24 Adam Yeah. I theoretically could coke some semen out of my penis without contacting an hour or an hour and a half. I don't know the answer to that question. And God willing, I'll never find out. It's like, listen, I might be able to start a stopped watch if I stared at it for an hour and a half. I don't know the answer to that. But you know what?

8:46 Drew You're not gonna spend that hour doing it.

8:47 Adam No, just wind it.

8:48 Drew Yeah.

8:49 Adam Take it, drop it off at the mall. You're right, Alan. And Alan, let me tell you. While this is sort of a unique gift, I don't think it's gonna pay big dividends with the ladies. I mean, the fact that you can have an orgasm without any contact is not a great sign.

9:04 Drew He's kind of doing Kegel exercises while he's building this. So he might get some benefit out of it.

9:09 Adam Yeah.

9:10 Caller Well, yeah, the thing is I used to masturbate a lot.

9:13 Adam I see.

9:13 Drew No kidding.

9:14 Adam Are you, have you ever been with a woman?

9:17 Caller No.

9:18 I mean, I've made out with chicks, but.

9:20 Adam What happens to your penis then?

9:23 It erects.

9:24 Adam I see. Let me write that down.

9:26 Sometimes I get blue ball, but.

9:28 Adam But nothing comes out.

9:29 Caller Nothing really comes out.

9:30 It usually comes out when.

9:32 Adam All right.

9:32 Drew I've had enough.

9:33 Adam All right.

9:34 Drew Thank you.

9:34 Adam All right, Spudini. Yeah, Spudini is going to do his famous water tank trick where he's shackled, hung upside down in front of a horrified audience and has an ejaculation suspended underwater. 500 gallon tank.

9:52 Rick, how are you doing?

9:54 Adam Hey, you're 32. What's up?

9:56 Caller Yes, sir. Adam, I'd like to say, first of all, I'm a big fan of yours. The man show kicks ass.

10:02 Adam Oh, thank you.

10:04 Caller This is for Dr. Drew.

10:05 Drew Yeah, what's up, Rick?

10:06 Caller Also a big fan of yours. Back in 94, me and a friend of mine, I was in some karate a little bit, and I had misjudged a kick that he had did, and I had got kicked really hard in the nuts.

10:23 Adam Funny already.

10:27 Caller It wasn't funny at the time.

10:28 Drew Right. What's the question?

10:30 Caller Well, after it had happened, probably about maybe six hours later, the sack got so swollen, and it hurt so bad that I should have went to the doctors, but I didn't.

10:44 Drew No kidding.

10:44 Caller And after the next couple of days, it had turned different colors, like blue and black being bruised, but I mean it was swollen.

10:52 Drew All right. What's the question?

10:53 Caller I could not walk. The question is, Dr. Drew, what kind of permanent damage that it could do?

11:00 Adam All right. I'm going to put him on hold because his line is bad. And Drew, you tell him what's wrong with his sack.

11:04 Drew The testes can be permanently destroyed, frankly, by this. Are you lucky you didn't get more serious intra-abdominal problems?

11:13 Adam All right. But what about his chances for having kids?

11:17 Drew It's hard to predict. You'd have to get a sperm count to see if he was producing sperm. He's producing sperm. It should be fine. But there's no way to know whether or not that kick actually had an influence unless he had a sperm count down.

11:27 Adam How would it influence it? Some scar tissue or something?

11:30 Drew That or spermatocele, cystocele can form and or it can just shut the testes down and we can fracture them, kill them, it can smush them.

11:38 Adam Like dropping your computer?

11:40 Drew A little bit of that and or the blood supply can be impaired. It can be a real mess.

11:44 Adam It's probably all right with the sperm. Probably. All right. Let's, I want to talk to Blair. That's true. We've done nothing but talk to the guys, right? Well, one girl. Blair? You're 19. What's up?

11:56 Caller I'm 19. Well, I just moved into this new place about a month ago and me and my two lesbian roommates got really drunk one night.

12:05 Drew Are you lesbian too?

12:06 Caller No, I'm bisexual. So anyways, I got drunk, they got drunk and things sort of happened and we had a threesome. The problem is I'm now single and they both have girlfriends and I was kind of hoping to maybe, you know, be more sexual with them but it's not happening anymore and we can't talk about it very...

12:29 Why?

12:30 Caller I mean, we don't communicate with each other very well.

12:32 Why?

12:33 Caller I'm not really sure. Like, I'm perfectly fine about it but I think it's the fact that they both have girlfriends that they don't want to talk to me about it. I mean, even when it's just us three alone in the house, it's like they don't want to...

12:44 Drew Well, maybe it's because they know... Are you into both of them or just one of them?

12:48 Caller Well, I kind of like both of them. I mean, it was like...

12:51 Adam You're easy. How'd this threesome go?

12:53 Caller It was pretty good, actually.

12:55 Adam How'd it work?

12:57 Caller How did it work? Well, three girls pleasuring each other, I guess.

13:01 Adam Did you guys make the devil's triangle?

13:04 Caller Pretty much.

13:05 Adam Spudini enjoys the devil's triangle.

13:08 Yeah.

13:10 Caller No, it was great. I mean, it's not like I want to have a relationship or anything. I just really like sex.

13:17 Drew But you might be destroying their relationships.

13:19 Adam Yeah. Listen, they don't want it with you. That's why it's freaking them out.

13:23 Caller Yeah.

13:24 Adam If they wanted it with you, they would have brought it up.

13:26 Caller Uh-huh.

13:27 Adam You know what I'm saying?

13:28 Caller No, it's not just that, the whole sexual thing. Like, we have problems communicating now anyways.

13:33 Adam Well, about what?

13:34 Caller Just anything. I mean...

13:36 Drew Because of this threesome you had?

13:38 Caller Yes. I mean, before that, we were like best of friends. I mean, we had talked about it before.

13:43 Adam Well, listen, whenever you're good friends and something physical... I remember when I was...

13:47 Drew Oh, you and Stu.

13:48 Adam No, not Stu. When I was living out in La Crescenta with Ralph and Cordy. Uh-oh. Yeah, we all, you know, we blew each other one night. You know, a couple of beers. You know how it is. Weekend, nothing going on.

14:02 Drew You told me a different story about that.

14:03 Adam Made it anal sex. Yeah. We all got it on pretty good.

14:07 Caller Right.

14:07 Adam And, you know, there was a little tension in the house, I gotta admit, you know, for a couple of weeks.

14:14 Caller I was friends with before and we're now completely fine.

14:16 Adam I see.

14:17 Caller It's just the whole thing that it's with my roommates that really kind of gets to me now.

14:20 Drew But listen, obviously, you were sort of okay with this. It didn't affect you emotionally, but most people are sort of surprised by the amount of feeling that's generated from this kind of an encounter. And your roommates are no exception. They're confused about their current relationships. They've got boundary issues with their roommate now, who's sort of onto them. And clearly would hurt your feelings if they said no. I mean, a lot of conflict here.

14:42 Adam But here's my theory. You are noticing the cold shoulder more because you're the odd woman out now. These two are busy in new relationships, enjoying themselves, and they're probably, quite frankly, not even thinking about you.

14:57 Drew Yeah, but they're probably aware that she's into it and don't want to hurt her feelings.

15:01 Adam I bet. You know what it's like when you're in a new relationship. Everything else could just sort of be damned.

15:07 Caller Yeah, but the thing is, I've had other, you know, sexual experiences after that. It's like this happened like a month and a half ago.

15:15 Adam And, you know, but these relationships are brand new for them, right?

15:20 Caller Well, pretty much.

15:21 Adam All right. And they're just into that. And they're probably not paying a lot of attention to you. And you're like some old boyfriend or some old girlfriend that they don't really want to bring up, especially when they're in the thralls of their new relationship. So I wouldn't read as much into it as you're doing it. I mean, if you guys can't communicate, well, then maybe you should sit down and talk about it. I think she's into these two. These two are not paying attention to her because they're into their own ass. And she's feeling like there's all this tension. Meanwhile, they're just out having a good time. They're probably not feeling it. That's me theory. Scott?

15:58 Yeah.

15:58 Adam You're 21. What's up?

16:01 I think, I guess this is kind of geared towards Dr. Drew just from a physician's background. But basically, I think, or I guess I worry that I might have a condition known as Peyronie's.

16:13 Why?

16:15 Well, you know, obviously, that's not the kind of word you hear a lot being passed around. But I overheard my dad on the phone with his doctor.

16:22 Drew And basically, well, older guys get Peyronie's more easily than a guy at 21.

16:26 Adam You sure he wasn't? You sure he wasn't ordering a pizza? I had that hand with my dad.

16:31 Drew You had Peyronie's?

16:32 Adam I was drunk. I heard him ordering a pizza. I thought he said Peyronie's. I went into a panic.

16:37 Drew And so what's the deal?

16:39 Well, basically, later on, he kind of mentioned to me that he had gotten this diagnosis from his doctor and he mentioned some of the symptoms. And he was kind of just...

16:51 Drew Well, here's the deal with Peyronie's. It's a bent penis, but the significance starts to develop when there's a problem with the function, erectile dysfunction, ejaculatory dysfunction, painful erection, that kind of thing. And at your age, it's normal to have some curve and 800 units of vitamin D will help take that curve away a little bit.

17:09 Adam You come and it hits you in the ass. That's your first indication there's a problem.

17:14 Yeah, I guess some of it might be rooted in the fact that I haven't really been with a woman yet.

17:20 Adam Oh, the great Spudini is not feels gives his regards to your penis, your bent penis.

17:27 Yeah.

17:27 Adam Hey, Drew, in order to diagnose peronies, doesn't one have to get an erection? Yes.

17:37 Drew Yeah.

17:38 Adam Yeah. Who's examining that?

17:40 Drew That's interesting.

17:41 Adam You know what I would do if I was a doctor?

17:43 Drew I would say, listen, you can feel the plaques.

17:45 Adam Here's a here's a pad. Here's a here's a steno pad. Go get an erection.

17:50 Drew Trace it.

17:51 Adam Set it down on here like what kids do when they draw their hand on a piece of paper and make it into a turkey. Go ahead. Don't put a hat or a face on it or anything. Just drop it down on the steno pad and draw a nice outline around it and hand it back to me.

18:06 Drew Nice.

18:06 Adam You're not start here. I would draw an arrow down to the edge of your hair. Yes, you're here. Because, Drew, do doctors have to examine erect penises?

18:17 Drew I've never had to, I must admit. Although I've never made a diagnosis.

18:21 Adam But there are certain things that you might have to.

18:23 Drew Yeah, it makes sense.

18:24 Adam Oh, bad times.

18:25 Drew Well, actually, I had a guy that was shot through the penis when I was a resident. And that got all swolled up because the blood went in and didn't come out.

18:35 Adam Oh, yeah, that hurt yours. Scott?

18:38 Yeah.

18:41 Adam Yeah, you're fine, buddy. Take that vitamin E.

18:44 Oh, so that's, it seems...

18:47 Adam Listen, listen, why haven't you been laid yet? You're 21.

18:51 Caller Well, actually, I just broke up with a girl.

18:54 Adam Well, that explains it.

18:55 Caller Yeah, and probably the last thing we did before we broke up was, I mean, there were other circumstances, but it was basically, you know, we got to a certain point we were making out and you know, we, I guess, ground or she grind on me or whatever the past tense is. And yeah, I guess.

19:13 Adam All right.

19:14 Drew Oh, man. Scott, that was the most meandering answer I've ever heard.

19:18 Adam Yeah, that's no answer. Why haven't you got laid? Because my last girlfriend dry humped me. Oh, I see. Well, that's rough.

19:26 Drew Just before we broke up and we broke up, but it was complete.

19:28 Adam Listen, Scott, you're 21. You sound like you're in the eighth grade. What's going on?

19:32 Caller Well, I guess my main concern with the condition is just if the physics work out.

19:37 Adam Listen, stop, stop, stop with it.

19:39 Drew You don't have peronies.

19:40 Caller I don't.

19:41 Drew Even if you have a painful erection.

19:42 Caller No, no.

19:43 Drew Can you ejaculate?

19:44 Caller Oh yeah.

19:44 Drew You don't have peronies.

19:46 Caller Good.

19:46 Adam Now, here's the part we're worried about. You spending all your time focusing on your penis, which isn't broke and not having sex.

19:54 Caller Right.

19:55 Adam What are you, you're a good student, right?

19:56 Caller Unfortunately, yeah. Yeah, that's a side effect, I guess. Yeah.

19:59 Adam You go to a regular school and everything.

20:01 Caller Yeah, UT.

20:02 Adam Yeah, I didn't smell junior college on this one here. I smelt, I smelt some, I smelt some scholastic ability.

20:09 Drew You are, but you know, they have a history in that town of people climbing the clock towers. I'm a little bit worried about that.

20:15 Caller That's true.

20:16 Adam Yeah, don't shoot the freshman class, all right?

20:18 Caller Yeah, well, in one way or the other.

20:19 Adam All right, listen, buddy, you need to put on them cowboy boots and down yourself a few tall boys and go on ahead and have a good time. Do you hear me?

20:27 Caller Sounds good.

20:28 Adam Stop focusing on your penis and stop studying so hard.

20:30 Caller All right.

20:31 Adam All right. There you go. And I always tell a guy gets good grades. He had it's it's so funny guys like Scott, they they they're their minds are very capable. So they devise these brilliant strategies and defenses and schemes as to why they haven't really done anything.

20:51 Drew I wish I had a video.

20:52 Adam I got a Perrone's and a girl who ground my leg.

20:54 Drew Wish I had a video to hit myself when I was 19.

20:57 Adam Really? Me too.

20:58 Drew I would have made it sell it to hard copy. Scott would have looked like Spudini compared to me.

21:06 Adam He would have looked like Carlos the Bachelor from The Flying Nun. Spudini. Oh, that's my new name. I from this day forth, I will respond to nothing but Spudini. If I hear the word Adam, Mr. Corolla, Ace, I will not even turn around. Spudini or the Spudin one? All right, Brian, what's up? You're 15.

21:30 Caller Hey, first of all, I praise the great Spudini.

21:33 Adam Thank you. Thank you, my child.

21:36 Caller I worship Spudini.

21:39 Caller My problem is, like, it's for both of you, actually. My girlfriend, she masturbates, like, a lot, like four or five times a day.

21:48 Caller And I wanna know, like, what's normal and how to confront her.

21:52 Drew Well, normal is at a level that doesn't cause consequence. In other words, doesn't interfere with her, doesn't cause her to harm herself, doesn't get in the way of your relationship or her school function, and isn't a problem to her. If and however it's something that she has to do where she sexualizes everything and she has to use sex to manage her feeling state in the moment, and or it becomes escalating to the point that there are mounting consequences, then that's a problem.

22:18 Caller Okay. It doesn't really affect your call out mind.

22:21 Drew Basically there are two ways to real sexual, three ways to real sexual compulsivity. One is you're an addict and it's part of your addictive process. Two you're bipolar and manic and three is you have a history of sexual abuse.

22:32 Adam Fourth is falling under the spell of the Great Spudini.

22:35 Drew There could be a trifecta at that point.

22:38 Caller Well, what would count as like interfering?

22:41 Drew Well, you're calling this radio station so there's a problem in this relationship and that's a high degree of suspicion then.

22:47 Adam Okay. Were any of these things that Drew mentioned, do they match her?

22:54 Caller Not really. They don't really interfere all that much. No, no, no, no, no.

22:58 Adam I mean, any of these scenarios like sexual abuse or anything like that.

23:01 Drew A history of addiction, anything like that.

23:03 Caller Not that I know of, no.

23:04 Drew You might explore that with her because that's what it sounds like.

23:07 Caller Okay, I'll ask her.

23:07 Adam All right, Brian.

23:08 Caller Okay.

23:09 Adam All right. If she says yes, run out screaming and holding your ears and singing the, reciting the Pledge Allegiance.

23:16 Drew National anthem, yeah.

23:17 Adam National anthem will work, too.

23:18 Drew Feel what?

23:19 Adam All right. We'll take ourselves a little break when we come back and speak to Becky. Becky's 25.

23:24 Caller No, don't like her, huh? Oh, yeah.

23:26 Adam We will last. Pick the back. Oh, with a very, very titillating surprise question. After this.

23:53 You're listening to Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio. 100.7 The Buzz.

24:12 Caller Pip.

24:13 Adam Loveline. I'm the Great Spudini. That is my accomplice in crime, Dr. Drew over there, my assistant, if you will.

24:21 Drew Yeah, I was saying, at this point, I'd be your assistant.

24:23 Adam And Spudini Escape, please. Thank you.

24:26 Drew Or sort of a, what's the word for somebody who's studying under you here?

24:30 Adam It's my ward.

24:33 Drew Yeah, your ward, exactly.

24:34 Adam My student. Listen, your job is to stand there and look pretty and help the Great Spudini. Right. Less talking. Becky, you're 25.

24:45 Caller Yeah.

24:46 Adam What's up?

24:46 Caller Well, I have a question about, like, yesterday I was, went to see a doctor because I'm, like, tired all the time. And first of all, I have a question. Well, first of all, I actually want to tell you that, Dr. Drew, I think you're sexy.

25:01 Drew Thanks, Becky.

25:01 Caller And Adam, I love you and I hate you at the same time.

25:04 Drew Who's Adam?

25:05 Caller I mean, Adam.

25:05 Adam I don't know of this Adam. I've heard the name before, but I don't know the man's first name.

25:09 Drew No, wait, it's a faint memory for me now.

25:11 Adam Yes, Spudini does not recognize any other name but Spudini.

25:15 Caller I'm sorry.

25:16 Adam And the salty one.

25:17 Caller I love you and I hate you at the same time.

25:19 Adam Thank you.

25:21 Caller But anyway, so I want to know like if, because I'm like tired all the time and they think that I may have sleep apnea.

25:29 Are you overweight?

25:31 Caller I weigh about 170. I'm 5'5.

25:34 Adam No, hold on. The great Spudini is going to do his radio math. 5'5, 170, 33, 5'5, 2. That is 5'3, and in a quarter, 182.

25:47 Drew Do you snore?

25:49 Caller Yes, my husband sleeps on the couch.

25:51 Drew Because you snore so loud?

25:52 Caller Yeah.

25:53 Drew Well, there you go. That could be it. So that's good. You can have sleep study done?

25:56 Caller Yeah. I scheduled to go in March to have one done.

25:59 Drew Excellent. In March? Oh my God.

26:02 Caller It's like a long way from there.

26:03 Drew Oh my God. Our medical system is just coming like Canada. Well, what do you want?

26:07 Adam What do you pay? Five bucks a year in taxes?

26:10 Listen.

26:12 Caller I don't know. I actually don't have to pay for it.

26:15 Adam That's what I'm saying. But Becky, in the sleep study, you go there and do you stay for?

26:20 Drew Yeah. Now that they wire you with brainwaves.

26:22 Adam Right. Do you go for a couple of nights? One night. It's all it takes.

26:27 Caller But because they've also asked me if I'm like depressed.

26:30 Drew Which is the other thing that will give you fatigue like that.

26:33 Caller But what I mean, what are like signs of like severe depression?

26:36 Drew It's hard to tell when you're in it. It's very hard.

26:39 Adam Well, it's not low energy, low energy. Let me tell you what depression is because the great Spudini has been depressed. Better part of his adult life.

26:46 Drew You have difficulty. It's just boo at that point.

26:48 Adam You have difficulty getting out of bed in the morning. You have difficulty finding enjoyment.

26:54 Drew In anything.

26:55 Adam In things that you should find enjoyment.

26:57 Drew Things that used to be enjoyable.

26:58 Adam You withdraw a little bit, you stay home. Basically my life.

27:01 Drew Well, the hallmark is lack of enjoyment in previously enjoyable activities. Irritability, frequent tears, guilt, worthlessness, thoughts of suicide, thoughts of...

27:14 Adam Yes, to me, I could really put it, I could encapsulate it by saying when the alarm goes off in the morning, you lie there and think about what's ahead of you and you don't want to do it.

27:25 Drew Well, sometimes people have a lot of anxiety and panic with depression. So they sit up all night with their mind buzzing and they get right out of bed.

27:32 Caller My problem is I just feel like I have no energy.

27:35 Drew Well, the sleep study is a great place to start but you may be depressed also.

27:39 Adam It could be both.

27:40 Drew It could be both.

27:42 Adam Lack of sleep will make you depressed.

27:44 Drew That's true. Fibromyalgia is also another outcome. It would be interesting if she had aches and pains too.

27:49 Caller Want to ask her? No.

27:51 Drew Come on.

27:52 Adam Oh, for Christ's sake. Spooey. Okay. You know I'm a soft touch.

27:56 Caller Becky?

27:58 Drew You have a lot of fibromyalgia type symptoms too? Aches and pains and joints, sir? No. Okay.

28:04 Adam But listen, you're overweight and you're tired and you're snoring. How about getting some exercise and drinking a lot of water?

28:12 Caller Well, I do exercise though.

28:14 Drew All right.

28:15 Adam How about drinking a lot of water, taking walks and listen to classical music?

28:20 Caller And I also have a question.

28:21 Adam No, no, no, no. That's enough. Johnny? You're 28. What's happening?

28:29 Caller Well, I'm having problems using my orbital sander too much.

28:34 Adam On your groin?

28:35 Caller Yeah.

28:36 Adam You got a random orbital sander?

28:37 Caller Yeah, it's got...

28:39 Adam What kind?

28:40 It's a DeWalt.

28:42 Adam Yeah. Is it the hook and loop kind or the adhesive back kind?

28:46 Caller No, the hook and loop.

28:47 Adam Nice.

28:48 Caller Yeah, and it's...

28:48 Drew Home Depot?

28:50 Caller Yeah, and it's got 15,000 OPMs.

28:53 Adam Yeah, that's nice. All right, so what do you want, Jack?

28:57 Caller Well, it keeps the permanent raw all the time, and it don't take very long.

29:03 Adam You're masturbating with the use of your random orbital sander?

29:07 Caller Yeah.

29:07 Adam No, you're not.

29:08 Caller Yeah, I am.

29:09 Adam Now, what grit sandpaper are you using?

29:11 Caller No, I take the sandpaper off.

29:13 Adam Nice. Why don't you use a pad sander, use a finish sander? All those do is vibrate. The random orbital sander spins around. That'll tear your junk right up.

29:21 No, it's an orbital.

29:24 Caller It orbits, but...

29:26 Adam I know, I know, but it has a rotating action to it that's not great on the junk.

29:31 Right.

29:31 Adam The pad sander, the finish sander, simply vibrates much better on the dork. You understand, Johnny? And you can pick them up cheap now.

29:41 Drew Well, Spudini has a line of tools.

29:43 Adam Spudini has a line of junk-related finishing tools. So go down to the local home center and for $43, $44 you get yourself a nice pad sander. And the pad sander, too, a lot of them have a nice velvet bottom on it. Very nice on the junk.

29:58 Caller All right?

29:59 Drew Wonderful.

30:00 Adam All right there, Johnny. Good times. I tell you, I think the random orbital sander is the best breakthrough in a tool in the last 10 years.

30:07 Why?

30:09 Adam I don't want to, I get into details, but I would get fired. But I could do 10 minutes on why it is the greatest tool in the last 10 years. Owen, I'll tell you during the break, though, Drew.

30:19 Drew Oh, thank you.

30:20 Adam Owen, you're 16.

30:21 Caller Yeah, what's up, Adam?

30:22 Adam Yeah, you want to know what kind of wuss my partner is? He says to me his kids are entered in this pine box derby thing, which is basically these little cars that you do in Cub Scouts. You coast them down a ramp and whoever wins feels good about themselves for a very short period of time. Drew says, hey, Drew does not own a tool. He wants to come to my house because my house is chock full of tools and he wants to essentially take over, pimp the kids out to me for an afternoon, have me build these.

30:50 Drew Will you offer that? That's where I'd love to go there.

30:53 Adam Yeah, so what's he say? He casually, I say, yeah, sure, no problem. He says, well, how about Sunday? Drew, Sunday's the Super Bowl. You retard. Like I'm going to spend all Sunday in the garage with your kids.

31:06 Drew Yeah, I beg your pardon. Thank you for offering me.

31:08 Adam Oh my God. You didn't even know Sunday was the Super Bowl.

31:12 Drew No, I did.

31:12 Adam I did. Why did you ask to do it on Sunday?

31:14 Drew Because I was obsessing about when the hell I was going to get these things done.

31:18 Adam Oh my God. Listen, leave those kids alone. You're going to give them both eating disorders. Owen?

31:24 Caller Yeah.

31:25 Adam You're 16.

31:25 Caller What's up, Houdini? You're the man.

31:27 Adam It's Houdini.

31:28 Caller Yeah.

31:28 Adam Thank you.

31:30 Caller And I go to like a real small private school in Orange County and it doesn't really have a lot of hot girls there, you know.

31:36 Adam Right. Does it have the word crest or pine or mountain or ridge in it?

31:40 Caller No.

31:42 Drew Is it a new school?

31:43 Adam No.

31:43 Caller It's pretty, it's 25 years old.

31:45 Adam What's it called?

31:46 Caller St. Margaret's.

31:47 Adam Oh, I see. It's a religious school.

31:49 Caller Anyway, you know, I'm not a real attractive guy either. I'm real tall, real skinny.

31:54 Caller And lately I've been having these feelings for this other guy in my grade.

31:57 Drew Yeah, I don't know about this call.

31:59 Adam I don't either. Why would he say the name of the school?

32:02 Drew No, he didn't.

32:03 Adam The great Scudini.

32:04 Caller You asked the name of the school.

32:05 Drew Yeah, but now you're describing yourself. We don't know if it's you. You may be trying to embarrass somebody else.

32:09 Adam Yeah.

32:09 Drew And so.

32:11 Adam Yeah, you know, you're so full of crap. Why would you describe yourself physically, say the name of your school? I did ask the name of your school, granted, but you shouldn't give that up. Give up your physical description and say that you're having homosexual feelings for one of the other boys in your small school.

32:28 Drew Yeah, that doesn't make sense. Oh, come on. See. That's all right, though. We like Orange County.

32:34 Adam We appreciate it.

32:35 Caller All right. One second.

32:36 Adam No, no.

32:38 Drew What do you say?

32:39 Adam I don't know what he was saying. True, you're very sharp. Mark. Yeah. You're 25. Yeah, I was a little tipped off and he said, I'm not very attractive. Most guys think they're hot for some unknown reason. Mark, you're 25. What's going on?

32:56 Drew Well, he gave up the name of the school too easily, too.

32:58 Adam Right.

33:00 Caller I've been on chemotherapy for about a year and I've been wondering if that could make me sterile or not.

33:06 Drew What's your kind of cancer do you have?

33:08 Caller Non-Hautian lymphoma.

33:10 Drew What's the chemo?

33:11 Caller I started off on Chlorambosol and then I'm on Flodara right now. Then he's talking about maybe if my lymph nodes are going down, but not as fast as he wants them to. So he's talking about maybe going on antibodies too. And we have one child already, but we've been kind of talking, you know, that maybe it isn't such a good idea to try to have another one because maybe of birth defects or something, you know.

33:40 Drew I don't know if any of those causing birth defects, but some chemo will suppress your sperm count, so you can't conceive. But you should talk to your oncologist about this. Do you know what kind of cell type you have, lymphoma?

33:52 Caller Oh, I can't remember. How long have you had it for? Almost a year. And actually, I've had it for probably a year and a half, but I didn't go in there until probably six months after I started feeling stuff.

34:06 Drew Where were the... So it's...

34:08 Caller It started in my neck.

34:09 Drew Is it sort of a stage four now? It's all over the place?

34:11 Caller Yeah. Every one of my lymph nodes was inflamed.

34:15 Drew Okay. And things are cooling down a little bit?

34:18 Caller Yeah, they're going down, but they're not going down as fast as he wants them to.

34:22 Drew Okay. Well, keep going.

34:25 Caller I heard that one show where the guy was talking about he had it for like two years.

34:30 Drew Well, there's different cell types of lymphoma.

34:32 Caller Yeah.

34:33 Drew Right? And some are very slow and indolent and you can live for a long time without chemo. Some are very progressive and rapid and actually respond well to chemo, but will really harm you if you don't get them treated rapidly. Yeah. It sounds like you're in some sort of intermediate cell type. So...

34:46 Caller Yeah. Okay.

34:48 Drew Good luck.

34:48 Caller All right, Mike.

34:49 Adam Good time, Zach. Hey, Drew, this is the kind of thing where it killed somebody 50 years ago, eventually?

34:56 Drew Not eventually.

34:57 Adam Soon?

34:58 Drew Yeah.

34:59 Adam And is it curable now?

35:02 Drew Yeah.

35:03 Adam So, you know, I think the... I think the popular layman's consensus about cancer is we haven't beat it yet.

35:13 Drew 89% of cancers are curable now. It's the solid tumors are not.

35:17 Adam I know. But there's this feeling which is, is cancer still on the menu? Yes. Have we figured out a cure for it? No. All right. So, we've made no progress. Yeah. But the reality is we've made a lot of progress with it.

35:30 Caller Oh, my God. All right.

35:34 Adam Let's talk to Robin, who's 29 years old. Robin?

35:37 Caller Hi.

35:38 Adam Hey.

35:38 Caller Hi, guys. How's it going?

35:39 Adam Good.

35:40 Caller Um, I guess to put it in a question, my question is, is my flirting, my excessive flirting with my coworkers a social problem?

35:50 Adam Are you married?

35:51 Caller Yes, I am.

35:52 Drew All right. What do you mean, it's...

35:52 Caller I would never act out on any of them.

35:54 Drew You what?

35:55 Caller I would never act out.

35:56 Drew But you got to have that male attention.

35:58 Caller I do.

35:58 Drew Why?

35:59 Caller I crave it. I don't know.

36:00 Adam All right. Hold on. We got to take a break. We'll get to the bottom of why you crave this male attention. I'm guessing it's got something to do with daddy. But again, just a guess. After this.

36:34 Caller You're listening to Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio 100.7 The Buzz.

36:50 Adam Hey, Loveline, I'm a great Spadini. And that is Dr. Spoo over there. And the phone number, 1-800-LVE-191. Now, when we left the office, we went to Robin. Robin is 29. She's married, flirts at the office with the coworkers.

37:09 Drew She asked if it's a social problem. I don't quite understand what that question even means.

37:14 Adam I think she means, is it going to cause trouble with the coworkers?

37:20 Caller Exactly.

37:21 Adam Thank you.

37:22 Drew Meaning, are they going to think you're up to something more than you are? Or they're going to get irritated by it? What do you mean?

37:29 Caller Yeah, are they going to? It's unprofessional, I'm sure.

37:32 Drew What kind of environment do you work in?

37:33 Caller I work in the technical field. I'm a technician, and it's mostly men. I get along with the women as well.

37:40 Adam What do you fix?

37:42 Caller What do I fix? I tune filters for microwave communication, radar guidance systems.

37:46 Drew Ask her about the fog.

37:48 Adam What about cell phones? How does cloud coverage affect cell phones?

37:53 Caller I'm new in the field, so I'm not the one to ask. I tune the filters, I work in a lab.

37:57 Hold on a second.

37:58 Adam How come there's not a chick alive that knows anything? Do you know what I mean? There just ain't one born that knows anything. How does that work? Even when people do stuff, they don't know anything. She tunes radio filters. I have a question. Drew and I were just talking off the air about cell phones and if cloud coverage affects it. Don't all you idiots call up and tell us the answer. We decided it did already. Now I'm really expecting some definitive explanation on this and I get nothing. Robin, how do you tune radio filters and not know the answer to this question?

38:33 Caller Well, they're not radio filters. They're radar systems. For what? For the military.

38:39 Drew Using microwave technology.

38:41 Adam Using microwave technology, right?

38:43 Drew Like cell phones.

38:45 Caller Well, yeah.

38:47 Adam How does the cloud coverage affect that? How does that affect it?

38:51 Caller I would imagine it would cause interference.

38:53 Adam Why would you imagine? Wouldn't you know that though?

38:58 Caller I'm new into the microwave field.

38:59 Drew Give her a break.

39:00 Caller I didn't call for this.

39:01 Adam I know. No one calls for what they get on this show. That's the beauty of it.

39:05 Drew So what's the question?

39:07 Caller The question is, is it inappropriate for me to hang out as one of the guys and be involved in the guys' conversations and in the sexual connotations and be a woman?

39:18 Adam It depends. I was just thinking. I'm going back to work on the man show. There's a bunch of women there who are most all spoken for and they hang out and they chew the cud with the guys and there's plenty of that energy going around and it doesn't amount to anything. It's just sort of a...

39:37 Caller It's like...

39:39 Adam I don't know. It's like piping in some music. People like it work. Does it mean everyone dances? No. It just means it's kind of around and it makes the place a little more lively, a little more enjoyable.

39:50 Drew But try to explain what it is you get out of it.

39:53 Caller I don't know. I like the attention. I think you hit the nail on the head.

39:57 Adam Yeah, most women do.

40:00 Drew So even though the attention is around the discussion of material that you worry is not appropriate and you're really certain not even into, just because it arouses guys and gets them directed at you, then it's okay. Think about how you compromise yourself when you do that. Just be careful.

40:17 Adam Where's daddy?

40:18 Caller Where's daddy? He's very present in my life. I'm daddy's girl.

40:23 Adam You are? He gave you enough attention?

40:27 Caller Um, yeah, I think so. I get plenty of it.

40:30 Adam Was he an alcoholic?

40:31 Caller No, not at all.

40:33 Adam Oh, heroin?

40:34 Caller No.

40:35 Adam Ludes?

40:36 Caller Not at all.

40:37 Adam Rainbows, as we used to call them?

40:38 Caller He doesn't even drink alcohol.

40:39 Adam I see. Doctor told me I had to stop. His liver was going to give out.

40:43 Caller No, not at all.

40:44 Adam No. But you say you're daddy's girl.

40:46 Caller Yeah.

40:47 Adam Why?

40:48 Caller Um, we just get along really well.

40:50 Adam I see. And you guys spent a lot of time growing up together. You were around him and with him.

40:55 Caller I wouldn't say a lot of time around him, but he was a major influence in my life.

40:59 Adam Did you do you feel like you're trying to get his attention growing up, though?

41:02 Caller Um, probably always. Yeah, sure.

41:06 Adam That's what I think this is coming from. And was your dad busy with work or distracted somehow?

41:12 Caller Um, always busy being the provider. Yeah.

41:15 Adam Being what?

41:16 Caller Being the provider.

41:18 Adam Right. So he worked. Would he drive a truck?

41:20 Caller Oh, no, no, no.

41:21 Adam What did he do?

41:22 Caller Aerospace.

41:23 Adam Aerospace. So he, he, he, long hours kind of thing.

41:26 Caller Yeah.

41:27 Adam Wrapped up in his work.

41:28 Caller Sure.

41:28 Adam And you, you wanted the attention from him.

41:30 Caller Yeah.

41:31 Adam All right. Well, I think that's what this is. It's a remnant of that. I mean, yeah. What's that? I don't know what she was going to say. She's trying to get daddy's attention, and now she tries to get guy's attention.

41:42 Drew Right.

41:43 Adam All right. She's not acting on anything. It's fine.

41:45 Drew She likes women, too, which is, you know, yeah, there's a lot in my way.

41:51 Adam Do you remember trying to get your parents' attention?

41:53 Drew No.

41:53 Adam You're hoping they didn't bother you, right?

41:55 Drew Yeah.

41:55 Adam Hear them coming up the stairs. You pretend like you're asleep. Pull the covers over your head. Right.

42:00 Drew Sure.

42:00 Adam Put the chair in front of the door. Yeah. I think I had that myself. I didn't have any stairs. Jessica.

42:07 Caller Yes.

42:08 Adam You're 19.

42:10 Caller I just wanted to say, OK, I like this Italian guy. He's like totally gorgeous.

42:13 Adam Adam, you're talking to the great Spadini?

42:17 Caller Yes. We went on our first date the other night. We just went over to his house last night. And I think he's totally gorgeous. But he wanted to watch a porn with me. So I watched a porn with him.

42:26 Adam First date.

42:26 Drew How did that work?

42:27 Caller What do you mean? I've been friends with him for a long time. And I liked him for a long time. But I didn't know if he liked me. He came over and saw me a couple of times. And we were just like really good friends. And then like I hadn't seen him for a while because I like had to go away and do some stuff. And so he like...

42:41 Drew Breathe, breathe, Jessica.

42:43 Caller Nothing.

42:45 Caller Uh, and so I just, I want to know if like, do you think that he just tried to have sex with me?

42:49 Drew I just want to know how he came up with this porn thing out of the blue. I mean, and...

42:52 Caller No, okay. Well, we were like, we drank a little bit.

42:54 Adam Yeah, I was going to say booze.

42:56 Caller Okay. And so we were just like sitting around and he's like...

42:58 Adam Did you have sex?

42:59 Caller No.

42:59 Adam Really?

43:00 Caller We didn't do anything. He just said, we were just like sitting there. We were actually at his friend's house and he was in bed. And he's like, do you think that's weird if I ask you if you want to watch porn with me? And I'm like, no, okay.

43:09 Drew Whoa, whoa, whoa. It's weird.

43:11 Adam Who was in bed? The friend or him?

43:13 Caller No, his friend. He was in bed. But he was like, he has his own house.

43:17 Drew But it was weird first date, huh?

43:19 Caller Yeah, but I like know him really well. He's like my really good friend.

43:21 Drew That's weird though.

43:22 Caller He's Italian.

43:23 Drew Oh, that explains it. Adam, of course. Of course.

43:26 Adam The great Spudini comes from Italian heritage.

43:29 Drew That's right. And look at Spudini's behavior. Well, if that's the example of any Italian's behavior, I could see how young Jessica could conclude that all male Italians want excessive porn.

43:39 Caller And another thing too is because he asked me to give him a back rub and I like to say anything I just kind of slapped. So I don't want him to think that I don't want him to think that.

43:46 Adam Jessica, okay, listen to me. First off, I don't know what you guys were doing watching porn and not making out.

43:51 Caller Well, I wanted to, but I don't want him to think I'm like slutty or anything.

43:54 Adam All right, here's the deal. I don't want to burst your bubble, but I don't think this guy's that into you.

44:00 Drew I think he's using you.

44:01 Adam I don't know if he's using you, but I think he's a little ambivalent and not that into you. Hold on, let's let the jury convene for a second.

44:10 Drew He's too prone to just putting all the cards out, you know what I mean? Risk-free behavior.

44:16 Adam Look at it this way, when fellas, guys or girls, close your eyes, picture yourself going out on a date with someone you're really into, as opposed to going out on a date with some old girlfriend, someone you knew from high school, someone you've known for a while, someone you may be friends with, maybe you have some feelings for but not really. Think about the difference. Think about washing the car. Think about getting a haircut, shaving, getting dressed, what you wear, the cologne you put on, the way you act, let me open the door, I'll pay for that, you look lovely tonight. Think about your behavior when you're not really that into the person. Here's the reality. When you're trying to impress somebody, you don't say you want to watch porn. You're worried that that might turn them off. But if you're not worried about what they think of you, then you just do what you want. Pick your nose, break wind, go Dutch, whatever it is. There's a big difference between how you act and guys will do that. Here's my other argument. He's known her for a long time, has never done anything. When a guy has really attracted you or into you, he makes a move.

45:24 Drew You know it.

45:25 Adam Yeah. Let me just...

45:28 Caller Yeah?

45:28 Adam Yeah. How long have you known him?

45:31 Caller For like two years.

45:33 Drew Not good.

45:33 Adam And he didn't make a move before this?

45:35 Caller Yeah, he did make moves on me before, but I didn't let him do anything just because I didn't want him to do things that I don't know, and I've got around because I'm not like... I'm into him. I'm really into him.

45:44 Adam Yeah, but he made a move like, hey, hand me that Mickey's big mouth and buy... Oh, could you blow me?

45:51 Yeah, he didn't...

45:52 Caller Yes, he did.

45:53 He had to give him a blowjob.

45:54 Adam Yes. Thank you. Thank you.

45:57 Drew But he's one of those guys.

45:58 Adam The Great Spudini is smoking! Of course. He's not that into you. He just isn't. I'm sorry, baby. But you know what?

46:09 Caller I know, but guys always use me. I have really big boobs and I'm actually not to be conceited.

46:13 Adam Hold on, baby.

46:14 Caller I'm pretty good looking and I always get used to my body and I don't want to be like that.

46:17 Adam Hold on a second. Let's get back to them boobs. What size are they?

46:21 Caller I said that I have...

46:22 Adam What size? What size? What size?

46:25 Caller 36C.

46:26 Adam 36C.

46:27 Caller I'm 5'5. I weigh 125 pounds.

46:29 Adam Solid.

46:30 Caller Blonde hair down to my waist.

46:32 Adam Yeah.

46:34 Caller But guys like me for my body and they want to have sex with me and I'm not like that. I'm not that kind of girl and that's why I don't want to do anything with them because I don't want them to think that.

46:42 Adam Okay. But listen, if he was into you as a girlfriend and not just as a conquest, he wouldn't have asked for the BJ. You guys wouldn't have known each other for two years without him asking you out. He would ask you out on a date. He would try to impress you. Do you understand?

46:57 Caller Yes.

46:58 Adam He's not into you that way. Once again, you've managed to find a guy who is not into you that way.

47:04 Caller My dad was an asshole, so I think I know.

47:06 Caller There you go.

47:07 Caller Bingo.

47:08 Adam All right. So your dad was an A-hole. You already know A-holes. So why don't you try something other than A-hole?

47:14 Caller Yeah.

47:14 Adam Ryan.

47:15 Caller Yeah.

47:17 Adam You have a constant blue ball pain.

47:20 Caller Yeah. And there was a discharge too. Okay.

47:25 Adam What kind of discharge?

47:26 Caller It was like a clear discharge. Actually, I went to the doctors and they took a culture. And they tested for STDs and everything came back negative. But he said that in the culture for the discharge, they found some white blood cells. But they still didn't know what it was.

47:47 Adam What's wrong with the white blood cells?

47:48 Drew It just means inflammation.

47:49 Caller All right.

47:50 Drew Infection.

47:50 Caller All right.

47:51 Adam So I was going to use this as sort of a cliffhanger, but who cares? I mean, you're fine.

47:55 Drew I'll answer what you're saying.

47:56 Adam No, no, you're fine.

47:57 Drew It's complicated.

47:58 Adam Really? Well, listen, come on. They found white blood cells. So he has an infection. So they gave him some antibiotics.

48:04 Caller Yeah, that didn't work.

48:05 Drew Because he has hepatitis and it keeps going.

48:08 Adam OK. But what's Drew going to tell you that the doctors are telling him?

48:12 Caller All right.

48:13 Adam We'll be back. Yeah, Loveline, I'm the great Spudini. That is my partner and accomplice over there. My assistant, Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-A-V-E-191. Yes?

49:05 Drew Your scribe.

49:06 Adam Yes, my scribe.

49:07 Drew Squire, excuse me.

49:08 Adam Squire, thank you. Hand me my cape and hat, please. Thank you. Thank you. And now, look pretty. I think one of your fishnets has a run.

49:17 Drew I'm not done preening.

49:19 Adam Ryan?

49:20 Drew Yeah.

49:20 Adam You're 26?

49:21 Drew Yeah.

49:22 Adam I was speaking of preening.

49:24 Drew I thought I might get you going with that one.

49:26 Adam Who was that? What was the name of that critic that tore me a new a-hole? What was the name of that fat F? What was the name of that guy? Oh, big syndicated critic.

49:38 Caller What the hell?

49:39 Adam Oh, man. I can't think of his name and he is so lucky. But listen, you fat homo, if you're listening as we speak, Monday, well, you're heading into your dank office to crank out another bad review that no one will read. Guess where I will be heading? In to start my third season of The Man Show, the show you love so much.

50:02 Drew Thank you very much. I don't think he has a right to criticize whoever he pleases. Let him do his own stuff.

50:07 Adam Don't worry about it. Absolutely. But they get personal. Why can't we get personal?

50:13 Drew You didn't get personal.

50:14 Adam You didn't get personal?

50:15 Drew Just called you Neanderthal.

50:17 Adam Called me Neanderthal, the third evolution into becoming a wolf man. I was called a pompous jackass and called you an idiot too.

50:27 Drew But I thought the part about having no showmanship was sort of a compliment.

50:31 Adam Lacking showmanship, yes. If that ain't a buzzword for gay, I don't know what is. All right, Ryan, go ahead.

50:38 Caller Yeah, I've had like Tom Shales.

50:41 Adam That is the fat feminine guy who wrote that horrible review. Thank you, Tom.

50:47 Drew I hope he at least did it honestly. Who? You know, follow his own conscience with it.

50:53 Adam I'm sure he didn't. Go ahead, Ryan.

50:55 Caller Okay. I've had a constant blue balls filling for the past.

50:59 Adam Oh, you, yes.

51:01 Drew And you have the discharge. You have the white cells in there. And did they, what do they treat you with?

51:05 Caller They gave me some doxycycline.

51:08 Drew Right.

51:08 Caller They thought it was a...

51:09 Drew Right. That'll cover. No, they thought it was an STD and it'll cover the chlamydia and whatnot with that.

51:14 Caller And that didn't work. And then...

51:16 Drew Did they give you an anti-inflammatory as like naprosanol leave, anything like that?

51:20 Caller No.

51:20 Drew Sometimes that's a little helpful. Sometimes also helpful to give you medicines that help the bladder evacuate more freely, like hydrogen or Flomax, although you're kind of young for that kind of stuff. And then if it doesn't clear up, which it often doesn't, because this is probably epididymitis, which is an inflammation or infection of the little packaging plant that sits on top of the testes, they commonly get infected. Prostate gets involved sometimes, too, with that. And it can take a long time to clear up. So you have to take antibiotics and or anti-inflammatories for an extended period of time sometimes.

51:50 Caller She gave me some Kypro, was it? Cipro.

51:53 Drew Cipro.

51:53 Caller Cipro?

51:54 Drew Yeah.

51:55 Caller Would that do it, or?

51:56 Drew That will help, but you're going to take it for a long time, probably.

51:58 Adam All right, good times. Marcus?

52:01 Yeah, hi.

52:02 Adam Hey, you're 15, what's up?

52:03 Caller Yeah, I've got like, I don't know if it's a social disorder or something, but like lately I feel like whenever I'm around people, I want to like beat someone's head in with a random object, random people.

52:15 Adam I see.

52:16 Yeah.

52:16 Drew All right, well, somebody beat you up?

52:20 Caller Do you want me?

52:20 Drew Did somebody beat you up?

52:22 Caller No, never.

52:22 I've never.

52:23 Caller I'm a second degree back belt, but I've never lost a fight.

52:27 Adam Now, listen, first off, I kick your ass. Second degree back belt. I mean, ask to me. That's nonsense. All that karate BS with the hands down by the hips and the key eyes and all that.

52:37 Caller There you go.

52:38 Adam Nonsense. All right, you're right-handed?

52:41 Caller Yeah.

52:41 Adam Your left hand is worthless. That's karate. All right. Did your dad, was your dad rough with you?

52:49 Caller I haven't met my dad in like 11 years.

52:52 Drew That's one of the things about not having a dad is having difficulty containing aggression.

52:55 Adam I see. Because you need a disciplinarian in the family.

52:59 Drew No one knows why. The presence of a male, the one consistent thing that comes out of literature about fatherless children is that they can't have trouble. Think of your jack-off friends. The ones that didn't have dads?

53:09 Adam Well, they had dads. They just weren't around.

53:11 Drew Yeah, that's what I mean.

53:12 Adam No, you know what? They all had dads. They did. They were just wild. My friends were like hyenas.

53:20 Drew Aggressive.

53:21 Adam Yeah, but not in a malicious way, just in a rowdy way. But anyway, Marcus?

53:27 Caller Yeah.

53:28 Adam I thought, by the way, when you got into martial arts, that you were supposed to learn respect and esteem.

53:34 Caller Yeah, well, that all went down the crap hole.

53:36 Drew Why? What, did something happen recently?

53:38 Caller No, well, I don't know, I just don't like, I don't know, I had like a drinking problem and stuff.

53:43 Drew Are you doing any speed or anything like that right now?

53:45 Caller No, I used to though.

53:47 Drew This may all be from whatever is you've done to yourself.

53:50 Caller Yeah, well, I used to like go through like a bottle, a quarter tequila, like every two days.

53:55 Adam Oh, at 15?

53:57 Caller Yeah, at 15.

53:58 Drew When did this start, stop, rather?

53:59 Caller When it stopped, like two weeks ago.

54:02 Drew Yeah, this could all be withdrawal.

54:03 Caller Yeah.

54:04 Drew Irritability from withdrawal. You gotta see someone.

54:07 Caller Really?

54:08 Drew Oh, absolutely. Before you do, really hurt yourself or someone else. Well, you can have a seizure, you can get DTEs, you can be a mess here.

54:15 Caller I...

54:17 Adam What size bottle of tequila?

54:19 Caller Like, a quart, like... I don't even know. I just grab one from my bar, and it would just be there. Another bottle would be there, like, a week later, so I drink that, too.

54:32 Adam Hold on. First off, you said you went to a bottle every two days.

54:35 Caller Yeah.

54:36 Adam Who at your bar, at your house?

54:39 Caller Yeah.

54:39 Adam Is replacing a bottle of tequila every few days?

54:42 Caller A lot of people. Like, I used to live in a big house, and like, everyone there was over 21 but me. Why are we...

54:50 Drew Were you in a foster home or something?

54:51 Caller No, no. With my family. There was like seven of us in their house.

54:55 Adam Where did you live? At TGI Fridays?

54:57 Caller No, like with my mom and my cousins and stuff.

55:03 Adam Was there a lot of boozing going on?

55:06 Caller With my cousins there was.

55:07 Adam Well, here's what I'm saying. If I'm living in a house and I'm replacing, you know, $12, $15 bottle of tequila every three or four days, I'm starting to ask some questions like, who's drinking all the goddamn tequila? Nobody asked that question?

55:21 Caller Yeah, well, I would be like, I don't know. I don't feel good. I got a headache. I'm going to bed. And they'd be like, all right, whatever.

55:28 Adam All right. So what made you stop drinking?

55:32 Caller Well, it wasn't so much. I had a bad, bad LSD trip recently.

55:37 Drew Oh, boy. So this is all drug-related, you're feeling, and you might do something yourself for other people.

55:43 Caller I used to cut myself a lot.

55:45 Drew I'm sure.

55:46 Adam All right, buddy. Listen, you got to start taking care of yourself now.

55:49 Caller Well, I'm trying.

55:50 Drew You need to talk to somebody.

55:51 Adam Well, what should you do?

55:52 Drew Yeah, see a doctor. Any health care, you got to get in touch with them.

55:56 Caller Well, I've been to like five or six therapists and they don't help.

55:59 Adam Yeah. Well, stay with it. Listen, Marcus, you don't have a choice. You're really going to hurt yourself or hurt someone else. And then when you hurt someone else, you'll hurt yourself because you'll end up in jail.

56:09 Caller Okay. All right.

56:10 Adam So listen, stop the substance abuse and talk to a therapist. Get back in touch with that side of you that work that stuff out. And what about the second degree black belt part? What about all the discipline, all the classes, all the work, all the sweat? Where'd that come from? How do you do that? Being an alcoholic at 15?

56:30 Drew Well, it's addiction. You know, it's...

56:33 Adam All right. Well, why don't you get back into your dojo and say hi to your Shidoshi for me? All right. Take those shoes off.

56:40 Drew What's a Shidoshi?

56:41 Adam Hi, Shidoshi!

56:42 Drew What is that?

56:43 Adam Hi! Hi, Shidoshi!

56:45 Drew Okay.

56:46 Adam That's a master.

56:47 Drew Well, the mo...

56:49 Adam That's a Spudini of the Karate World.

56:53 Drew I see.

56:53 Adam Or as I call it, Karate. Thank you.

56:57 Drew Megan.

56:58 Caller Hi. 15. Yeah. I was just wondering if you needed to take, like, counseling for, like, repeated molestation?

57:08 Drew Yes. That would be a yes.

57:11 Caller Like, even if you'd be pretty much over it?

57:14 Drew There is no over it. And we were talking about this, like, last night, and I thought it was a good sort of analogy for people to help understand the profound effects that these traumatizing experiences have on you. Just think of a puppy dog that gets, like, the crap beat out of it several times. What's that dog gonna be like now as it grows up? It's gonna be aggressive and or withdrawn and pull away from people. And you could be loving and caring for that dog for the next 10 years, but it would frequently and probably always still kind of have that edge of an aggression that's been sort of inbred into the biology of that dog from its experiences. Same thing happens to people as it pertains to aggression. And the same pink thing happens as it pertains to sexuality. When kids are sexualized or abused in this way, it has a profound effect and you don't just deal with it.

58:06 Adam What happened to you?

58:07 Caller Well, since I was seven, I was been molested repeatedly by different guys. And it kind of stopped recently.

58:18 Adam Starting with who?

58:21 Caller Babysitter's nephew, I believe.

58:25 Adam And then going on to what guys?

58:27 Caller And then going on to babysitter's husband, but different babysitter. And then dad's friend.

58:35 Adam Nice. Oh, yeah. What's your dad like?

58:38 Caller Dad's a jerk.

58:40 Adam Yeah. What's he do? Work around Mel?

58:43 Caller No clue. I haven't seen him since I was 13.

58:46 Adam I see.

58:47 Caller He's an alcoholic, drug addict.

58:48 Adam Fantastic. And where's mom? Is she all right?

58:53 Caller Yeah, mom's good.

58:54 Adam She got a step? New hubby?

58:57 Caller Yeah.

58:57 Adam Oh, really? How's he?

58:58 Caller He's good.

59:00 Adam I don't trust him.

59:02 Caller I don't really care. He's cool and everything, but he's young. He's like 11 years older than me.

59:10 Adam I see.

59:10 Drew 26. How old is she?

59:12 Caller She's 40 something.

59:14 Adam Yeah. Oh, boy. He's in so far over his head, he can't even see the light. Oh, my God. All right, Megan. Yes, you must get some help for this.

59:25 Caller Okay?

59:26 Adam That's all right. It's important.

59:29 Caller Well, the thing is, I haven't really told anybody because I was so little. I didn't know anything was wrong. And then as I got older, I figured there was no point because nobody's going to get in trouble.

59:39 Adam Does your mom know?

59:41 Drew Well, it's not so much about getting revenge or retribution. It's about healing the trauma. And as I said, think of that dog that now lives in a loving family. It doesn't automatically become okay. And those sorts of traumatic experiences affect your biology, sometimes permanently, at least certainly profoundly.

59:59 Adam Yes.

1:00:00 Drew And no amount of just sort of dealing with it is going to make that go away. It takes a lot of treatment, a lot of work. You don't just deal with that.

1:00:05 Adam She should start by telling her mom and then telling her mom, she should get some help, counselor at school, something like that. All right. I want to talk to Jack, who's 16. Jack?

1:00:14 Caller Yeah.

1:00:15 Adam What's up?

1:00:17 Caller Well, I'm going to be going to a party this weekend where there's going to be a lot of mushrooms. And I've done like a little dose before it, but I'm thinking about doing like a whole eighth, which people are telling me is a whole lot.

1:00:29 Adam Yeah.

1:00:29 Drew And why are you thinking about doing so much?

1:00:32 Caller Well, a lot of friends of mine have said it's pretty tight.

1:00:35 Adam I'm trying to figure out my drug, my old mushroom drug weight thing. All right. So you're talking about doing an eighth ounce.

1:00:43 Caller That's right.

1:00:43 Adam All right. Look, I can't remember how much that is.

1:00:46 Drew But any large dose.

1:00:47 Adam I don't think that's that much.

1:00:48 Caller All my friends, they always say like do a little under half an eighth, that'll be fine.

1:00:53 Adam What now? What happened the first time you took the mushrooms?

1:00:56 Caller Well, I took about a quarter eighth and I watched Gladiator. Good times. Yeah.

1:01:02 Adam Now, did you see trails? Yeah. So you did kind of trip?

1:01:07 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:01:08 Adam But you didn't just feel high?

1:01:09 Caller Oh, yeah. I was going crazy.

1:01:11 Adam You were?

1:01:12 Caller Yeah.

1:01:12 Drew What does that mean, going crazy?

1:01:14 Caller Well, I mean, it wasn't like barely noticeable or anything like that. It was really different than anything I'd ever felt.

1:01:21 Adam Yeah, you could feel it.

1:01:22 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:01:22 Adam I mean, here's the thing about mushrooms. They're kind of hard to quantify. It's hard to tell because it's a bunch of like stems and heads and stuff, and it's hard to figure out how much you're taking. You get a rough idea, and then they vary quite a bit in potency. So why don't you, if you're going to do it, why don't you start light and, you know, see how you feel?

1:01:42 Caller Yeah, good advice.

1:01:43 Adam Because let me tell you something, you have a bad trip, you'll really freak out.

1:01:48 Caller Yeah?

1:01:48 Adam Yeah.

1:01:49 Caller I always kind of thought that was bull.

1:01:52 Adam The bad trip thing?

1:01:53 Caller Yeah.

1:01:54 Adam No way, man. I was just talking to my buddy, the Wheeze, about his cousin who spun out one night. I mean, like, you know, calling the cops and out in the street and chicks, you know. They're such lightweights. But yeah, I mean, it can really spin you out.

1:02:10 Drew And look, this is a...

1:02:11 Adam Mushrooms especially. You're gonna freak out.

1:02:14 Drew You are profoundly altering a delicate chemistry in your head.

1:02:17 Adam Oh, yeah, yeah.

1:02:18 Drew Why does it surprise you that it can go wrong?

1:02:21 Caller With high doses or regular doses or both?

1:02:23 Drew With anything, but high doses are obviously much more likely. And they're also more likely to cause permanent damage.

1:02:28 Adam But you don't really know what a high dose is exactly. I mean, you can have a rough idea of it, but you never can fully tell depending on what you ate, what kind of mood you're in, how powerful the mushrooms are. You could come on to them and start freaking out. And before you know it, at that point, it's too late.

1:02:46 Caller Hey Adam, let me tell you something.

1:02:47 Adam Yeah?

1:02:48 Caller I miss the stories, man.

1:02:52 Adam I don't have any more stories, though. I'm only repeating old stories.

1:02:55 Caller Yeah, that's true.

1:02:57 Adam Thank you, buddy.

1:02:58 Caller Maybe you need to get off your ass and get new experiences, you know?

1:03:03 Adam I was thinking about experiencing things for myself, and then I thought, well, why don't I just pay, as Waldo, who's already working on my house, to go out and have experiences for me, come back and report them to me, and then I could talk about them on the radios as if they were my own.

1:03:17 Drew Low risk.

1:03:18 Adam Yeah, that way I don't miss anything on TV, and I don't have to put my shoes on.

1:03:21 Drew Spudini.

1:03:22 Adam All right, Jack. All right. Good times. Take it easy on your brain there, buddy. All right.

1:03:27 Drew It could be an interesting sort of sitcom, Spudini and Jack.

1:03:31 Caller Yeah.

1:03:32 Adam The other sitcom we were working on last night, which was Lung Baby.

1:03:37 Drew Oh, man.

1:03:37 Adam I gotta write these ideas down. Lung Baby is a baby that was conceived during oral sex, you see, and actually grew in the mother's lung, killing the mother and always feeling responsible. Do you know what I'm saying?

1:03:51 Drew Did you hear that Bruce Becker thing? His wife or, yeah, was a former wife is alleging that she or he's alleging that she impregnated herself by taking some semen in her mouth, putting it in a turkey baster and then putting it in herself.

1:04:05 Adam Who's Bruce Becker?

1:04:06 Drew What am I thinking of the right name? The tennis player? Oh, not, it's the German guy. Yeah, that's not Bruce.

1:04:16 Adam No, no, it's.

1:04:21 Drew Forrest Becker, Forrest Becker, right. Really?

1:04:24 Adam That's nice.

1:04:25 Drew Isn't that wild? You think it's possible, right?

1:04:29 Adam Sure. Interesting scenario. Weston?

1:04:34 Caller Yeah.

1:04:34 Adam You're 17. What's up?

1:04:36 Caller Yeah. Adam, you're a great guy.

1:04:38 Adam Thank you.

1:04:39 Caller I was just wondering, how long do shrooms stay in your system?

1:04:42 Drew A few hours.

1:04:43 Caller How long?

1:04:44 Drew A few hours.

1:04:44 Adam Are we just talking about this?

1:04:46 Drew Yeah.

1:04:46 Adam Oh, no. Listen, you can, you can be going for about five, six hours.

1:04:49 Drew Yeah. But you're not gonna, you're gonna be under the effects of it for maybe a long time afterwards. But in your system, people have a grave misconception about continued effect of a drug versus its residual effect from having profoundly influenced your brain chemistry.

1:05:03 Adam Listen, you, if you take them at nine o'clock at night, you'll be really peak in probably about 1030 or something like that, maybe an hour, hour and a half later. You'll basically be high all night. Right.

1:05:18 Caller But I mean, we like stays in your system for like up to 30 days.

1:05:23 Drew No, not necessarily. But well, we'd stay as long as stayed in your in your fat for your life. But in terms of measurable quantities, it's, you know, it's out in a week or so typically.

1:05:33 Caller Oh, really? Yeah. Why?

1:05:35 Adam What are you doing?

1:05:36 Caller Well, no, I mean, I went to a party just last weekend and we were we were all tripping out on shrooms. And I was just wondering like how long like they're going to stay in my system.

1:05:49 Adam Shrooms make a big comeback.

1:05:51 Caller Oh, yeah, they are.

1:05:52 Caller My friends go out. My friends and I go out and pick them.

1:05:55 Adam Good times.

1:05:57 Drew Digging through cow pie.

1:05:58 Caller Yeah, we live in a farm town.

1:06:00 Drew Nice.

1:06:01 Adam But the do you actually get them out of the cow duke?

1:06:05 Caller Yeah, we go out with shovels and turn them over.

1:06:08 Adam Oh, they underneath the cow crap?

1:06:10 Caller Yeah.

1:06:11 Adam I didn't know they grew underneath them. Yeah. How do they grow underneath? Don't they have to sort of sprout forth?

1:06:16 Caller Well, no. There's a real low tolerance of oxygen under there, so...

1:06:23 Drew And who put the first one in their mouth?

1:06:25 Adam Well, hold on a second. Well, listen.

1:06:26 Caller I wash them first.

1:06:27 Adam Who ate the first crab, you know? But Wesson, give me your theory again. Low oxygen?

1:06:34 Caller Yeah.

1:06:37 Caller There are fungus, right?

1:06:38 Caller So, fungus is... I don't know.

1:06:44 Adam Okay. How's it going there, Wesson? How's biology going? Oh, I just thought that the mushroom looks like a mushroom, and anytime I see a mushroom, like the mushroom on the ground, they grow up and out.

1:06:56 Caller Right, but a lot of fungus don't need a lot of oxygen.

1:07:02 Drew They're anaerobic.

1:07:04 Adam I know, but how do you flip the thing over and have it... how does it physically protrude upward when there's a cow load on it?

1:07:12 Drew It doesn't...

1:07:12 Adam Does it go into the load?

1:07:14 Drew Yeah. Right.

1:07:15 Adam It's up into the crab.

1:07:16 Drew Yeah.

1:07:17 Adam So, the head is in the cow crab.

1:07:19 Drew Now, you expect this to look like an Alice in Wonderland mushroom.

1:07:21 Adam No, no, it does look like a mushroom. It looks like a mushroom, I think.

1:07:26 Drew It's more like flat little...

1:07:28 Adam Yeah, that's all like stem, but there's heads on it and it does kind of come up. I've never seen one in a while. Anyway, Weston, easy on your brain, buddy.

1:07:37 Caller All right, there's one last one.

1:07:39 Adam Yeah.

1:07:39 Caller How many of the Juggies have you actually had sex with?

1:07:43 Adam Fourteen.

1:07:44 Caller Really?

1:07:44 Adam Yep.

1:07:45 Caller I'm very proud of you.

1:07:46 Adam Thank you.

1:07:47 Caller All right.

1:07:48 Adam Good times. All right, let's go ahead and speak to Michael. Michael?

1:07:53 Caller Yeah.

1:07:54 Caller What's up?

1:07:56 Caller Not much. First off, I'd like to say, hey, Drew.

1:07:58 Drew Hey, Michael.

1:07:59 Caller I told you about a year ago at University of Illinois. Give us a look there.

1:08:03 Drew Yeah.

1:08:04 Caller And like you said, that was really cool. I was probably like the only high schooler.

1:08:07 Drew I was going to say, that was mostly college kids. Yeah.

1:08:09 Caller And the thing. But I would like to point out that you're a funny guy. And a lot of times a great spoudini steals a lot of your thunder. So just let people know that.

1:08:20 Adam Oh, thanks Michael. Yeah.

1:08:21 Caller He won't be doing it.

1:08:22 Adam Hand me my cape. Thank you. Hand me my wand so I can make Michael disappear.

1:08:27 Drew Your wand?

1:08:28 Adam Thank you.

1:08:29 Caller Okay. Anyway, my question is, I just recently started taking Selexis because I got diagnosed with depression about a week and a half ago. Basically, I moved out to Eugene where I'm living now from Illinois. And just the whole move and trying to settle in and stuff. It's just been a lot of stress on me. And so I got diagnosed with depression. I'm starting to take it now, but just as I'm starting to take it also, I'm starting to fall in and make friends and go to parties and stuff. And well, you know, I'm going to party, so I'm going to want to do some drinking. But of course, I know that there are certain antidepressants where drinking does not exactly mix.

1:09:08 Adam What about the mushrooms?

1:09:09 Drew No, don't do that. You're 16. You obviously shouldn't be drinking. There's no dangerous interaction with small amounts of alcohol and Selexis.

1:09:19 Caller Okay. Because I talked to some people, they said like Ibutrin can cause like heart attacks and seizures and stuff. I but Selexis will just increase the effects of alcohol?

1:09:28 Drew No, it's just not a good idea to put them together. And sedation is part of it.

1:09:32 Adam All right.

1:09:32 Drew Well, butrin he was talking about. Well, butrin can cause seizures.

1:09:35 Adam We're going to take ourselves a little break when we come back. We'll not talk to Caitlin. Caitlin is 17, has no feeling in her nipples. And as you know, Drew, I have sensitive nipples. And therefore, the great Spudini enjoys some nipple play.

1:09:51 Drew You guys can make a great couple.

1:09:52 Adam All right. Yes, Jack Frant and his wife will be back.

1:09:59 Drew Hello. Is this Loveline?

1:10:00 Caller Call 1-800-LOVE-1-BY-1. Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back.

1:10:25 Caller You're listening to Loveline on Outrageous Talk Radio, 100.7 The Buzz.

1:10:41 Caller Hey, it's the Loveline.

1:10:44 Adam I'm the great Spudini. That is my assistant and partner, Dr. Drew, over there, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1.

1:10:52 Drew I guess I should be the apprentice.

1:10:54 Adam Yeah, I'm still looking for the right word. Squire, Ward, assistant. Squire, Squire, I suppose. Okay. Second.

1:11:03 Caller Hi.

1:11:04 Adam Hey.

1:11:05 Caller I'm 18, not 17.

1:11:06 Adam Good times.

1:11:08 Caller Oh, yeah. Okay, it's like the area around the nipple. It's not the nipple exactly. It's the circle thing around it that I have, like, no feeling in.

1:11:15 Drew Circle thing around it. Got it.

1:11:17 Caller Yeah.

1:11:18 Adam Do you need feeling in that part?

1:11:20 Caller I don't know. I mean, it's completely numb. It's sort of weird. I was just making sure that it's okay. And like also when I'm like having sex or like, you know, doing it myself or whatever, like as soon as there's penetration, I lose feeling in my clit.

1:11:33 Drew Oh, that's interesting. I've heard of that.

1:11:35 Caller It's really weird. Like, I can't get both at the same time. They lose it on the Cosmo Good Stuff.

1:11:39 Yeah.

1:11:41 Adam What do you look like?

1:11:43 Caller I'm short. It's brown hair. Yeah. I'm vertically challenged.

1:11:47 Caller Uh-huh.

1:11:48 Caller I'll drive over there for you.

1:11:50 Adam I don't mind that. I don't mind those little women.

1:11:52 Caller Hey, you said a couple of days ago that you wanted to just kick little people or like those little dogs.

1:11:56 Adam Yeah, I do feel that way about guys really, but not so much women. Oh, no, no, no. Little women can be pain in the ass too. But little skinny women are pain in the ass. Little people are like little dogs.

1:12:08 Caller I'll be okay.

1:12:09 Adam I am.

1:12:10 Caller Okay. Yeah, not to the fat part that just did it.

1:12:12 Adam You got some curves.

1:12:13 Caller I got the boobs with no feeling.

1:12:15 Adam Yeah. What size are you?

1:12:17 Caller 30, 40.

1:12:18 Adam Nice. All right. Well, some women with larger breasts do have a little sensation problem, don't they?

1:12:24 Drew That's right.

1:12:25 Adam I pretty much, I look at it as the radio being farther away from the tower so the communication isn't quite as good. The signals that are strong. The farther the nipple is away from the chest, the less the sensation.

1:12:38 Drew Probably. I don't know this for a fact, but skin sensors are a certain number per unit area. As you stretch the skin out, that number remains the same, so the amount per unit area starts going down.

1:12:50 Adam But then wouldn't then fat people be less sensitive? What about just big people? Just large people?

1:12:59 Drew Think about how much it hurt to get a shot when you were five years old as opposed to now. Same basic principle.

1:13:06 Adam Because I've lost my will to live?

1:13:08 Drew That and the density of receptors.

1:13:10 Adam I see, it was spread out. Yeah. Yeah, okay. I'll buy that. But it seems like big people, just like their noses, ears, and feet were in proportion, that their skin sensors would be in proportion to cover that amount. I mean, their skin being an organ.

1:13:27 Drew But you'd have to assume that they start with more when they're a little. To anticipate the growth. And I don't think that's the case.

1:13:34 Adam Well, the skin sensors don't multiply as the skin stretches.

1:13:37 Drew I don't think so. Not so much.

1:13:39 Adam So you're saying that we're all born with the same amount of skin sensors.

1:13:44 Drew I believe.

1:13:46 Adam And so that a 400-pound man theoretically would have less sensitive skin.

1:13:52 Drew I think that's true.

1:13:53 Adam Marginally less sensitive than a small person who's more condensed.

1:13:58 Drew I think that's true.

1:13:59 Adam Interesting. Kaitlyn?

1:14:00 Drew Or something close to that, I believe is true.

1:14:03 Adam All right.

1:14:04 Drew I'm sure.

1:14:04 Caller So there's not like a cancerous tumor in the...

1:14:06 Drew No, no, no.

1:14:07 Adam No. Why does your clitoris shut off when you have sex?

1:14:11 Caller I have no idea. I can't get the both thing. Like as soon as there's penetration, like the second that I have like that sensation, I lose the clit.

1:14:19 Adam Yeah.

1:14:19 Drew You gotta do some work on that.

1:14:21 Adam Maybe there's some sort of vaginal shift or something that goes to the opening and away from the clitoris.

1:14:28 Caller Yeah, I mean, it's like to the point where I could pierce my clit and I wouldn't even feel it, probably.

1:14:31 Adam If a guy was in you?

1:14:33 Caller Probably.

1:14:33 Adam You'd probably get a discount over at the piercing place.

1:14:36 Caller I think I just might. I might make them for some good, you know, porno things. Nice pictures. I'll send them to you.

1:14:42 Adam Hold on a second. Is there a worry a little?

1:14:45 Drew Yeah.

1:14:46 Adam Getting to a little line of questioning here?

1:14:48 Drew Sure. Well, it's going to be something unusual. Whatever it is, it's not going to be the usual line of questioning.

1:14:54 Caller Yeah?

1:14:54 Adam Are your parents hippies?

1:14:56 Caller No, no, no, no. I was just kidding.

1:14:58 Adam Sexual abuse?

1:14:59 Caller No.

1:15:00 Drew It's going to be something very unusual.

1:15:01 Caller I was totally just kidding.

1:15:02 Drew Lots of moving. Moving.

1:15:03 Adam Moved around a lot as a child?

1:15:06 Caller No.

1:15:07 Adam Big family?

1:15:08 Caller No, I'm only a child.

1:15:10 Adam Aha.

1:15:11 Caller Aha. The spoiled brat.

1:15:13 Adam All right. All right. You all right? Everything's good?

1:15:16 Caller No, yeah. Everything's fine. I was totally just kidding. I promise.

1:15:18 Adam Yeah, it's a good time. Hey, baby, I believe you.

1:15:21 Caller Okay.

1:15:22 Adam You sound very adjusted, doesn't she? Yeah. Okay, baby.

1:15:26 Caller All right. Good.

1:15:26 Adam You're all right. Give yourself a nice boyfriend. Work it out.

1:15:30 Caller Okay.

1:15:30 Adam All right.

1:15:31 Caller Okay.

1:15:31 Caller All right.

1:15:32 Caller Thank you.

1:15:32 Adam Thank you.

1:15:34 Caller All right.

1:15:34 Adam Erin.

1:15:35 Caller Yeah.

1:15:36 Adam You're 20. What's up?

1:15:37 Caller Um, my question is, I put my clitoris under running water to get off.

1:15:42 Drew Well, hang on a second. Spudini.

1:15:44 Adam Yes.

1:15:45 Drew Is that sort of a detachable instrument or some type?

1:15:48 Adam Yes. That's right. She's in the oftentimes in the next room.

1:15:53 Drew Right. She puts it under running water.

1:15:55 Adam Studying the Bible.

1:15:56 Drew Yes.

1:15:56 Adam All right. So you put your clitoris under running water.

1:16:00 Caller And it gets me off.

1:16:01 Adam I see.

1:16:02 Caller And my first question was, I want, I would go halfway through the day and my underwear would be wet from the water and discharge obviously throughout the day. And I was wondering, first of all, if that was unhealthy.

1:16:14 Adam So you get, you get in the tub.

1:16:15 Caller Right.

1:16:16 Adam You spread your legs.

1:16:17 Caller Right.

1:16:17 Adam You let the water run on you.

1:16:19 Caller Uh-huh.

1:16:20 Drew It fills up.

1:16:22 Adam It would make sense that it fills up, doesn't it?

1:16:24 Drew Yeah, but it should come back out right away.

1:16:26 Adam You know, when you stand up, it should come out. But you know, sometimes we've been swimming, you're like driving home and you do that thing with your ear and there's a little water in there. You do that thing where you bonk the side of your ass and a little water comes out of your vagina.

1:16:39 Caller Well, yeah.

1:16:40 Adam Yeah.

1:16:40 Caller But I mean, it's.

1:16:41 Drew Well, it's like you with the jacuzzi jets.

1:16:44 Adam That's right.

1:16:45 Caller Yeah, that's why I first figured that out.

1:16:46 Adam That's right.

1:16:47 Drew Oh, you're Adam. Wait, you figured it out at the jacuzzi or not. Adam's jacuzzi.

1:16:52 Caller I figured it out.

1:16:53 Caller Well, I figured out a jacuzzi.

1:16:55 Drew Not because of Spudini's jacuzzi stories, though.

1:16:57 Caller No, I've never listened to Loveline before I just happened to be driving home tonight.

1:17:01 Adam How dare you?

1:17:04 Caller Yeah.

1:17:05 Caller Anyway, but my other question.

1:17:06 Adam All right.

1:17:07 Drew No, it's, it's.

1:17:08 Adam I didn't like her response to that.

1:17:10 Drew It's new. A new listener. Why not?

1:17:12 Adam I don't like new.

1:17:13 Drew I like, I like old. I want to speak with her. Erin.

1:17:18 Caller Yeah.

1:17:19 Drew Your other question.

1:17:20 Caller Um, I have had a boyfriend for over a year and we had tons of sex. Like I love sex. And then ever since I've been doing this, I've been totally disinterested in having sex with him. And I love having sex. I love love, but this gets me off way more than sex.

1:17:36 Drew Yeah, but that's not love, is it?

1:17:37 Caller No. And that's why I want to know. Like, I mean, well, is that sex never going to be as good as that? I'm waiting for him to be like as good as I get off.

1:17:45 Drew We would suspect that you're not into this guy as much as you might think you are.

1:17:50 Caller That might be the reason why I am not having sex with him.

1:17:54 Drew Yeah, it's more that the physical sensation is sort of a good reason to divert yourself, but the reality is you're just not invested in this guy.

1:18:01 Adam A woman's vagina will tell her whether she's into a guy or not.

1:18:06 Drew Oh, it's like a dividing line.

1:18:07 Adam Yes, the vagina will do the talking for her. You know what the vagina sounds like? Sounds like the ferret from the Budweiser ad.

1:18:18 Drew I thought it would be like Mollic Senior Wences.

1:18:24 Adam I'm in love with him, Mr. Vagina, aren't you?

1:18:26 Caller No, there's no good.

1:18:30 Adam But he's so dreamy. I don't like him. But he's tall. He has a job. The Vagina has spoken. I'm going to go out another day. Is that OK?

1:18:40 Caller No, it's not all right.

1:18:42 Adam It's all right?

1:18:43 Caller No.

1:18:44 Adam It's not all right?

1:18:45 Caller It's all right.

1:18:46 Adam It's all right?

1:18:47 Caller It's not all right.

1:18:49 Caller You'll find a new man.

1:18:51 Adam Um, but I like him. No, then the Vagina has spoken is the last word. You want the yeast infection? I will summon one.

1:19:00 Caller No, no, no, no, no.

1:19:01 Adam No, no.

1:19:02 Caller How about the nice urinary tract infections?

1:19:05 Adam No, no, it's okay. It's okay. I'll dump it.

1:19:07 Caller That's right. You will.

1:19:09 Drew Okay.

1:19:11 Adam The Vagina has spoken. That's that. You, you show me a woman who says, I like this guy, but when is the sex going to be as good as when I'm in the tub?

1:19:21 Drew She doesn't like the guy.

1:19:22 Adam I'll show you either a screwed up woman or a guy or girl doesn't like the guy.

1:19:24 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

1:19:25 Adam She was a little angry.

1:19:27 Drew Well, you know, if she hadn't just so quickly gone to, you're right. I don't like this guy. We would have gone down that line of thinking.

1:19:32 Adam Jason.

1:19:33 Yeah.

1:19:34 Adam You're, you're 30. That's right. What's up?

1:19:38 Caller Great speed. Deanie, I'm humbled by your presence.

1:19:41 Adam That is all right. Hold the vagina once or something.

1:19:44 Caller There you go.

1:19:46 Adam It's all right.

1:19:47 Drew What's up, Jason?

1:19:48 Caller Not a lot. I just wanted to tell you about that I have a lot of respect for you. I've called a couple of times before and you've helped me out. Thanks. Anyway, I just wanted to know. I'm thinking about going into recovery and I was wondering about what kind of a sponsor I should choose. I've been probably a marijuana addict for about eight years.

1:20:08 Drew I was going to say, I can hear the laugh. You were just sort of giggling.

1:20:11 Caller Yeah. All right? Anyway, and...

1:20:14 Drew Actually, have you been off recently?

1:20:16 Caller What's that?

1:20:16 Drew You've been off pot recently for a while?

1:20:18 Caller No. Are you kidding me?

1:20:19 Drew You're still doing it.

1:20:19 Caller I was doing it three bowls earlier.

1:20:21 Caller All right.

1:20:22 Drew What is that?

1:20:24 Adam But also, Jason, one of these guys has smoked so much weed, he's become proficient high.

1:20:29 Drew Yeah, but it's like... It never wants to prevent you from completing your laugh. It's like, you can't quite...

1:20:36 Adam There's no follow-up for it.

1:20:38 Caller Yeah. I'm kind of one of the high IQ donors that you guys were talking about. And I scored 1310 on my SATs.

1:20:46 Drew Nice.

1:20:47 Adam All right.

1:20:47 Drew What's up?

1:20:48 Caller Anyway, I just wondered, I'm also gay, and I think I may be somewhat of a sex addict. And I wondered if I should choose a sponsor, who is, or maybe if it matters?

1:21:02 Drew It shouldn't really matter, frankly. Sex addiction is a very common part of addiction in general, and it's a difficult thing to treat when it's a prominent part of your addictive process. And it's something that needs specialized attention. Start with, though, just a good sponsor in recovery, MA. Somebody's got at least five years under their belt. If you want someone who's gay, that's fine. It helps sort of give you an opportunity for connection on issues that other straight guys may not quite understand.

1:21:30 Adam Like a BJ.

1:21:32 Drew But that's the problem, is that if you were a sex addict and that other person's recovery is not intact, there could be some boundary issues. And you got to be careful. Just get somebody that's had a long time in sobriety. And then maybe go to some essay meetings also and get a sponsor in sex addiction recovery.

1:21:46 Caller Jason, I feel like sometimes I really kind of endanger myself because I tend to get really high. You know, and then I'll go do something and I'm afraid that I'm going to... I suspect......practice strict safety. I'm afraid that I'm going to slip.

1:22:01 Drew I just suspect you get involved in just addiction recovery and the addictive sex will also settle down.

1:22:07 Adam Jason is one of these guys. You know, I have this theory about sort of brain power and IQ being almost like the engine. And oftentimes, cars go off the road and they get caught in a drainage ditch or in a mire. And you need a lot of torque and horsepower to sort of pull yourself out even if you're knee deep in it. And guys like Jason, even though he has addiction, even though he has some difficulty, has a sort of base of intelligence that will help him eventually get help and get his life straight. Hopefully. I do believe. Sometimes the addiction is more powerful than the brain. I think Jason, who's an intelligent guy, I can hear it, is asking the right questions and going to get himself some help and going to get himself out of the mire. All right. We will take ourselves a little break. I'm going to urinate, Drew. Would you like to watch?

1:23:08 Drew Well, it's Spudini.

1:23:09 Adam Someone has to hold. The last time the great Spudini urinated, he peed on his cape because someone was not paying attention, holding it out of the way.

1:23:16 Drew I'll try better this time, sir.

1:23:17 Adam Thank you.

1:23:19 Caller Hello.

1:23:21 Caller This is Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:23:24 Caller Loveline will be right back.

1:23:38 Caller Yep. Yep. Loveline.

1:23:43 Adam Adam Corolla, Dr. Drew over there. Let's hop on the phones and speak to a young... Uh-oh. Three. Oh, yeah. It's a great spooting. Thank you. Oops. Oh, I see. What's that mean? Yeah.

1:23:56 Caller Ted.

1:23:58 Adam Ted.

1:23:59 Drew Call a good...

1:24:00 Caller Oh.

1:24:01 Drew Oh, there you are.

1:24:01 Adam Oh. Too bad we thought you were sleeping.

1:24:04 Caller Um, my, um, me and my girlfriend, we've been together two years and she's a virgin and we've been trying and it's just too big for her. I guess.

1:24:18 Drew You guess.

1:24:18 Caller Yeah.

1:24:19 Drew What happens when you try?

1:24:21 Caller Well, we use lubricant and everything. And when I try to put it in, she just says it hurts too much.

1:24:30 Drew Well, that's not a size issue, right? Because you never even get it in.

1:24:34 Caller Yeah.

1:24:34 Adam Well, I guess. Well, you can never get it in. It's a size thing. Do you have a big penis?

1:24:39 Caller Yeah.

1:24:40 Adam All right. Well, hold on. I have her vagina on the other line. Oh, no.

1:24:45 Caller No. No, I won't do it.

1:24:47 Caller No, get it away from me.

1:24:49 Caller No.

1:24:50 Caller No, no.

1:24:54 Caller Take it back.

1:24:56 Caller Take it back.

1:24:56 Caller Don't try to...

1:25:00 Caller Take it.

1:25:01 Adam Put it back in the end of the pants. I'm sorry, Ted. Her vagina is not a big fan of your penis.

1:25:10 Caller OK.

1:25:11 Adam Yeah, I'm 36. Are you a big guy?

1:25:18 Caller No, actually, I'm 5'8 and I weigh 110 pounds.

1:25:23 Adam 5'8, 110 with a huge dork?

1:25:27 Caller Yep.

1:25:27 Adam That is awesome. And that makes it look even bigger.

1:25:31 Caller Yeah, I guess.

1:25:32 Adam Oh, yes, it does. It does. Hey, you know, remember?

1:25:37 Drew He's put in. He's settled down.

1:25:38 Adam No, what I'm saying is you take a six-year-old kid and put him in his dad's wing tips. Right?

1:25:44 Drew They look huge.

1:25:45 Adam Look huge. What if even if dad has a small foot, you put that six-year-old in those big shoes, what's he looking like?

1:25:51 Drew Huge.

1:25:52 Adam Huge. There you go. All right. Ted?

1:25:55 Caller Yeah.

1:25:56 Adam Is your girlfriend a big gal?

1:25:59 Caller No.

1:25:59 Adam What's she coming in at?

1:26:02 Caller She's 5'8 and I think 115 pounds, 130.

1:26:08 Drew She's a few inches taller than you?

1:26:10 Caller He's 5'8 or they said 5'6.

1:26:12 Caller Same size, I believe.

1:26:14 Caller All right.

1:26:14 Adam Then she's a couple inches taller. That's in Ted.

1:26:16 Drew Yeah.

1:26:17 Adam How about some lubrication?

1:26:18 Caller I've tried that.

1:26:19 Drew How about the fact that she's not ready? This is just a spasm of the muscles down there. Because of her anxiety and ambivalence about doing this act with you. And that's the most common reason that women have pain with penetration is that they're either having vaginismus, which can be sort of a chronic recurrent problem. Some of that's caused by a reflex spinal mechanism.

1:26:39 Adam How old is she?

1:26:41 Caller She's 19.

1:26:42 Adam Why is she still a virgin?

1:26:44 Caller I have no idea.

1:26:46 Adam Yeah, but you know what I'm saying?

1:26:47 Drew You never asked her that?

1:26:50 Caller No.

1:26:50 Adam Well, maybe there's something up. You know what I mean?

1:26:54 Drew Yeah.

1:26:54 Adam If she ever traumatized?

1:26:56 Caller Um, I believe I heard her mom.

1:27:00 Drew You know what? No, no, no.

1:27:02 Adam You don't believe it?

1:27:03 Drew No. This is I just want to call about a big penis.

1:27:06 Adam You really?

1:27:07 Drew Well, let's hear what we're going to say about the mom. You betcha.

1:27:10 Adam You believe you heard her mom say what?

1:27:12 Caller Say that her uncle molested her or something. Sure. Sure.

1:27:16 Adam Just between house, school and passive potatoes. When did you believe you heard her mom mention that?

1:27:26 Caller When I was down at her house in San Diego.

1:27:29 Drew What were you doing at the time?

1:27:31 Caller Well, my girlfriend was at school and-

1:27:36 Drew No, when this conversation occurred?

1:27:40 Caller I was, it was breakfast with her mom, you know. Just, you know, we were just having breakfast and-

1:27:50 Drew How did it come up?

1:27:53 Caller Well, basically she asked if we ever tried it and, you know, I kind of denied.

1:28:00 Adam And she talked about her uncle molesting her?

1:28:02 Caller Yeah.

1:28:04 Adam I sort of believe it in a in a retarded way, although Ted's doing a great job not selling it.

1:28:09 Caller Yeah. Uh-uh.

1:28:12 Adam No?

1:28:13 Drew I could crack him.

1:28:14 Adam Really? Yeah. All right.

1:28:16 Drew You were, when was this here in San Diego?

1:28:18 Caller Huh?

1:28:18 Drew When we were in San Diego?

1:28:20 Caller Oh, this was a few months ago.

1:28:24 Drew A few months ago?

1:28:25 Adam Hey, Ted, answer the questions quickly. Here we go.

1:28:28 Drew And she was in school?

1:28:29 Caller Yes, she was.

1:28:30 Drew Where was she in school?

1:28:31 Caller She goes to Metro.

1:28:33 Caller It's a special school, I guess.

1:28:35 Caller I don't know.

1:28:35 Drew A high school?

1:28:37 Caller No, it's a kind of a college.

1:28:40 Adam It's a special college?

1:28:42 Caller Yeah. For what? Okay, both her and I have muscle problems. And she didn't get the same education as I was. I guess she's a little slower than me a little.

1:28:53 Drew What's the muscle problem?

1:28:55 Caller Muscular dystrophy.

1:28:56 Drew Is it myotonic dystrophy?

1:28:58 Caller Um, oh, I'm not sure.

1:29:02 Adam Listen, I believe him. Where did he come up with muscular problems? Ted?

1:29:07 Caller I have a congenital muscle myopathy.

1:29:09 Drew I understand. Some sort of muscular dystrophy.

1:29:11 Adam I'm sorry it was aggravated by Drew's verbal assault. I was with you all the way. And so was Ms. Vagina.

1:29:18 Caller I said, yes, I was.

1:29:19 Adam I said, Ted, yeah, maybe the fact that her uncle molested her. And I know her mom just mentioned it in passing. You and she said, like, you want your eggs basted or over easy? And oh, yeah, it might have been some molestation. That's probably what's causing the trouble.

1:29:38 Caller All right. All right.

1:29:39 Adam And it's emotional thing for her. And it's like what Drew said. She's having a lot of that vaginal spasm thing there. You got to just take it slow and be reassuring. She has to be relaxed, right? Yeah. She just has muscle problems. Why the hell is he coming up with that?

1:29:58 Drew I don't know.

1:29:59 Adam What did you see? He said Metro School.

1:30:02 Drew Yeah.

1:30:02 Adam Said it was a special school.

1:30:04 Drew Yeah.

1:30:05 Adam All right. So they have muscle problems. He then went into his his specific type. How dare you, Drew? This poor lad with a large penis is on Best Doorstep.

1:30:17 Drew No, he's not.

1:30:18 Adam How dare you attack this? He's he's he's he's suffers from MD. Muscular dyspnea.

1:30:25 Caller Yeah.

1:30:25 Adam Yeah.

1:30:26 Caller There you go.

1:30:26 Drew I don't know if he has McCardell's disease or something like that.

1:30:28 Adam Jeffrey.

1:30:30 Caller Yeah.

1:30:30 Adam You're 19.

1:30:31 Caller Yeah.

1:30:32 Adam What's up?

1:30:33 Caller Well, here's the deal.

1:30:34 Caller Well, well, I'm in bed like when I'm still asleep and I'm not doing nothing. And all of a sudden I wake up and I've got like stuff all over my underwear. Masturbate all my. I don't know. It just kind of sucks.

1:30:51 Drew Well, why don't I believe anybody tonight?

1:30:53 Caller I don't know. It's getting difficult.

1:30:55 Drew It's just too bizarre.

1:30:56 Adam You're 19?

1:30:57 Caller Yeah.

1:30:58 Adam And you wake up with stuff on your underwear?

1:31:00 Drew Yep.

1:31:00 Adam And is it your stuff?

1:31:02 Caller Yeah. Yeah. Because like at night when I'm about two, about two o'clock in the morning to between two and three, about once or twice a week, I wake up and I get like this stuff on my underwear. And I don't even know. I mean, I don't even know when I do it.

1:31:21 Adam Yeah.

1:31:22 Caller Well, yeah.

1:31:23 Adam But maybe you're having a wet dream there. Nocturnal emission.

1:31:29 Caller Yeah.

1:31:29 Caller But I'm not dreaming.

1:31:30 Caller I'm not dreaming.

1:31:31 Caller Yeah.

1:31:31 Drew But that's the way you don't remember the dream. But you're having something going on.

1:31:34 Caller Is that what it is?

1:31:35 Drew Yeah.

1:31:36 Adam It's God giving you a hand job.

1:31:39 Caller All right, dude. Out of your rock, man.

1:31:41 Adam Hey, listen, why don't you whack off before you go to bed?

1:31:43 Caller Okay. What do you do? Just. Just.

1:31:46 Drew He doesn't know how to do that.

1:31:47 Adam Yeah.

1:31:47 Drew No.

1:31:48 Adam Listen.

1:31:48 Drew Toothbrush.

1:31:49 Adam Yeah. He's a thumb. And what are my two favorite fingers? And I give it a little lick like you'd see before Bart Starr threw a pass. It seemed to do that thing. A little gets a little grip on the ball. All right. Yeah. You masturbate, Jeffrey. You're 19. Did I have to tell you about that?

1:32:07 Caller Yeah. I just started like about two months ago.

1:32:10 Adam All right there, buddy.

1:32:11 Drew Well, your body's sort of gotten ahead of your brain.

1:32:14 Adam Hey, speaking of your brain, what are you doing? Me? Yeah.

1:32:18 Caller I'm just sitting here in bed. Just. Are you guys?

1:32:21 Drew Are you in school?

1:32:23 Caller No, I'm done.

1:32:24 Drew Done with school. Yeah.

1:32:25 Caller What do you got done?

1:32:26 Adam What are you off to now?

1:32:28 Caller College.

1:32:29 Caller Where?

1:32:32 Caller It's called. It's down in Portland.

1:32:35 Adam It's called Junior Junior College. There's actually Junior Junior College.

1:32:39 Caller Yeah.

1:32:40 Drew It's called Pre-Junior College.

1:32:41 Adam Pre-Junior College. Yeah. It's a junior college prep program.

1:32:45 Caller Yeah.

1:32:45 Adam All right, buddy. All right. Have fun over there.

1:32:48 Caller All right.

1:32:49 Adam You smoke a lot of cigarettes, hang out the snack shacks, even score some weed. All right. Good times. Yeah. I'll tell you what goes on at that junior college. Nothing. A bunch of white people shouldn't be allowed to go to junior college.

1:33:05 Drew Why?

1:33:06 Adam Why? Because the only cultures that really use the junior college are the Asians and some of the other country. Some of their cultures have come to this country to make a better life for themselves.

1:33:15 Drew I see.

1:33:16 Adam The white folk, black folk, half the Mexican folk, they don't really use it. I see. It's only the ones who came here. You know why?

1:33:25 Drew Why?

1:33:25 Adam Because they should have been going to regular college. They just moved here.

1:33:30 Drew I see.

1:33:31 Adam They didn't have the money. They didn't have sometimes the records and things like that transferring and all that. They'll be off at a regular college in a matter of months. White people should not be allowed to go to junior college. Think about it.

1:33:44 Drew Yeah, I'm thinking.

1:33:45 Adam You've never been to junior college. You'd be appalled if you saw what didn't go on over there. All the white people just sit there. The Asians, they were doing so. They're going somewhere. White people just sat around, scored weed, sat around and complained about the man, ate granola bars. Nothing. I'm telling you. Chris?

1:34:06 Caller Yeah.

1:34:07 Adam You're 17. What's up?

1:34:10 Caller Well, I used to have the class right before lunch, but it was English class, and I was really attracted to my teacher, and I just get erected in class, and I can't ever control it.

1:34:22 Drew Yeah. You're 17.

1:34:24 Caller And it gets to the point where I'd have to go home at lunch and masturbate before I came back to school.

1:34:28 Adam Sure. You were forced to. You had no choice.

1:34:32 Caller No, I can't.

1:34:32 Adam What are you going to do? You're jacked up against the wall. So, very punny tonight. I don't know if you noticed that, Drew. That's funny. Punny.

1:34:41 Caller I'm always getting erections, and I can't control them.

1:34:43 Caller I just...

1:34:44 Adam Yeah. Why aren't you wearing Levi's?

1:34:46 Caller No, I wear baggy jeans.

1:34:48 Adam Yeah. Well, wear tighter pants and double down on the underpants, and when you get an erection, lift it up and put it against your belly. It'll kill it.

1:34:57 Caller Yeah, I know. I gotta do that sometime.

1:35:00 Adam Listen, I haven't given this speech in a couple of days, but, Drew, an erection starts out hanging down toward the ground, starts to move up, meets some resistance, which are your jeans in class, begins pushing against them. Like, uh, you ever see animals in the wild, like a rhino scratching itself against a tree stump? Starts leaning on it real hard?

1:35:22 Drew The erection is caused by a increased inflow. So, if any pressure decreases that inflow, it can kill the erection?

1:35:29 Adam You take the penis, and instead of having it push up against the pants, reach down, quick move, whoop-boom, it's a Slim Jim move. It's like breaking into a car, pow, against the belly, and then it begins draining into the sacks.

1:35:43 Drew Alright.

1:35:43 Adam We'll be back. Yep, there you have it. Another famous Loveline in the can is we like to say. Yeah, Drew?

1:36:14 Drew Jennifer Blanc on Sunday.

1:36:16 Adam Yeah, what day is it?

1:36:17 Drew Today's, I was thinking it was Thursday, but it's Wednesday.

1:36:19 Adam There you go, good times, buddy. All right, so until next time, this is Spudini for Dr. Drew. Say mahalo.

1:36:30 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, January 24, 2001