Episode 1000754886913

1:01 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:13 Adam Oh, hey, it's Loveline, everybody. The show started at 10 for the last 250 years, yet it always has a way of sneaking up on me. Dr. Drew, Board Certified Internist, Addiction Medicine Specialist, and the phone number is 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, is the name of the movie we're talking about tonight. Kevin Smith is here and Jennifer, and tell me if I mispronounced this, Schwalbach. Perfect. Wow. And you guys are married, right? Husband and wife in the studio to give it a nice plug. Kevin was nice enough to ask me to do a small part on this film, but I've heard I've been cut out since then.

1:54 Drew Yes, unfortunately.

1:55 I'm just shocked.

1:57 Drew It's like it's certainly not by virtue of the fact that the performance wasn't any good. The performance was quite stellar.

2:03 No, please. If it stood out too much. No, I- It stood out in bold relief.

2:07 Drew Well, you would have thought the picture was called Jay and Adam Corolla straight back after that scene was done.

2:12 Well, to listen to Adam every night, I would think his skill would be extraordinary.

2:17 Drew You know what it was? Unfortunately, he was in one of those scenes that when the movie is running long, just kind of hits the floor. But DVD, it's all you, dude.

2:25 Oh, yeah.

2:26 Drew Scene on DVD.

2:26 I said in the director's cut, he'd be on that.

2:28 Drew That's right.

2:29 Adam Will I actually make it into the DVD?

2:31 Drew Oh, God. You'll be the stellar scene because it's the sequence, the one end-to-end sequence that was kind of cut. Everything else is a bunch of trims within scenes, but that thing can just kind of go. It was poor writing is what it was.

2:43 Adam That's great.

2:44 Drew Wasn't you?

2:44 Adam No, listen.

2:45 Not really.

2:46 Adam I don't mind, you know, this DVD format is now sort of the crash card for people who get cut. We can bring them back to life.

2:56 Right.

2:56 Adam Whereas before, you're just on a scrap heap. Now, even cooler. You're the talent that got cut in the movie.

3:03 Drew It's like cocoon, dude. You won't grow any older and you'll never die.

3:06 Yeah.

3:07 Adam Now, when does the DVD come out?

3:09 Drew I'm like Wilford Brimley in that equation. Hopefully, the DVD won't come out for eons because the movie will just play for about two years.

3:15 Right.

3:15 Drew Theatrically.

3:16 We don't want to spoil the vibe of the film by...

3:18 Drew Yeah, I mean, already you're talking about the video release. Please, dude. Theatrical. August 24th. Heavens.

3:24 Adam I was being selfish. You're right. You know, you guys were nice enough to send me a jacket.

3:29 Drew Yes. Which I hear you pimped on the show one day with the Blink 182 guys.

3:33 Adam I was wearing the jacket. Well, you know, as Drew knows, I have momentum with apparel. Meaning certain shirts, certain shoes, certain jackets. They come out of the closet and they stay there. And I don't even know how they get back in. But I will wear them day in and day out. It becomes a uniform.

3:51 Drew I've not taken this off in about two years.

3:52 Adam Right. I was wearing this jacket day in and day out and got more feedback on it. People saw me and by then I was boasting that I was in the movie until I was wearing the jacket one day and some grip or some guy at the man show came up to me and broke my heart.

4:08 You sure look cool now.

4:10 Adam Yeah. Well now I'd like the DVD patch underneath the James Gilelis box.

4:15 Drew Absolutely. We'll give you the addendum patch that you put under the logo of the movie that says See Me on DVD.

4:20 Adam Well, the point I was getting to, which is a compliment, which is just a ton of feedback on this jacket, and of course the film, and people seem to be like waiting for it to come out.

4:32 It wasn't just the style of jacket.

4:33 Adam It was a nice, it was a handsome jacket.

4:35 Drew It was actually a kind of pimp coat.

4:37 Adam But I wear jackets and shirts and hats with junk on it all the time, and nobody says anything, and this thing didn't have big letters that were, just a little, well, you know the jacket.

4:49 I lived with it for a while.

4:51 Drew She was like, oh, I know that jacket.

4:53 Adam Tasteful patch on the shoulder, and I got a ton of feedback from it.

4:57 Drew Isn't that weird? You figure you've accomplished a lot in life, people come up to you to talk about your stuff, and they come up to you like, nice jacket, I like those guys.

5:04 Adam Where'd you get that, and when's the movie coming out?

5:07 Drew You're like, I don't know, you know what, I don't know and I don't care.

5:10 Adam That was me. But now I really don't care. Before, I was just being cool. Now I mean it when I say that.

5:16 Drew Now you like the hell with the jacket.

5:18 Adam But were people waiting on this film? I mean was it around the Internet or something?

5:24 Drew I think there are about 12 people out there really waiting for it and you just bumped into all 12 of them.

5:28 Adam Yeah, I may and their brother. No, I mean was this something that you were planning on for a while?

5:34 Drew No, it's just we've made four movies before and they all have attained a cult status and those characters have been in every movie we've done. So when we announced that the fifth one was going to be those guys up front and center, Jay and Silent Bob.

5:45 Adam Right.

5:46 Drew Suddenly people were like, yes, the best part of everything you've done front and center, which is kind of a back-end of compliment.

5:52 Adam Right.

5:52 Drew Because you like to think you've made some movies with depth and people are like, great movies, want to get stoned, love Jay and Silent Bob, that kind of thing.

5:58 Adam Right. Yeah, I know. My grandfather wrote movies and TV and he got nominated for Academy Award and all that good stuff. But he wrote a movie called The Mold People back in like 1956 and that's all anyone ever wants to talk to him about. Just geeks wanting him to sign Mold People posters. He hates it, but I think much like, I don't know, Bob Denver's come to grips with the Gilligan character. I think eventually you embrace it.

6:28 Drew Yeah, even Nimoy first he wrote the book I Am Not Spock and then years later he wrote You Know What, I Am Spock. So I've never had that Nimoy relationship with the character where I'm like I am not Silent Bob. I'll take it.

6:41 Adam This movie has a zillion cameos and a lot of big names in it. It seems like a cool film that people wanted to do. Was that what you found?

6:52 Drew Yeah. You did it, right? We called you and you were like, I'm there.

6:55 Adam Yeah, it was great. My agent was like, listen, no money, great exposure. Now, one of those equations have been yanked out.

7:05 Drew What you didn't hear was he said great DVD exposure.

7:08 Adam That's right.

7:10 Drew But yeah, there was great cameos in the flick. Most of the people we'd worked with before like Jason Musa plays Jay, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Chris Rock, Jason Lee, George Carlin. We'd worked with those guys in previous flicks in varying degrees.

7:24 Adam It's a real nice compliment that they hear you're doing a film and they say, Oh yeah, absolutely.

7:30 Drew I tend to call in a lot of favors. Me and my producer, Scott Moser, were executive producers on Good Will Hunting. We got that into Miramax and it got made and made Ben and Matt. So anytime I make a movie, I just remind them of that very gently, very subtly.

7:45 They're glad to do it.

7:47 Drew That's what they say to you, honey, but to me, nothing. To me, it's just like, when will you let us free of this debt?

7:55 Adam How many of your flaming turds do we have to be involved with before you can let us finally rest?

8:00 Drew You sound exactly like Affleck. I'll have a place for you in the next picture.

8:05 Adam All right. Well, I think Kevin came on the show years ago.

8:08 Drew Yes.

8:09 Adam A good four years ago and I made him promise to put me in one of his films and dog on it, he tried.

8:18 Drew I succeeded.

8:19 Adam Filming the camera or not, the point is, is I was called out to the set.

8:23 Drew It basically was an elaborate charade. I was just like, folks, I have a debt that I owe Adam Corolla that I mentioned once in a radio show many years ago. Let's just pretend we're shooting, okay?

8:33 Adam That's right. But don't worry, Ben Affleck is coming by to pay the fiddler later. So what comes around goes around, kiddies. Mark? Yes. You're 23.

8:45 Caller That's correct.

8:45 Adam What's up?

8:46 Caller Well, I had a couple of exciting experiences but they're also humiliating at the same time. I'm wondering if maybe I got like some kind of a masochistic tendencies.

8:55 Adam Well, tell us what they were.

8:57 Caller Okay. I'm working in a restaurant and this very, very attractive woman, I work with, she's a few years younger than me, but kind of like a very hard-nosed bitchy woman. But I did like her.

9:09 We're all turned on already.

9:10 Adam Yeah. Sounds like a delight. Yeah.

9:13 Caller So I asked her out. She kept saying, no, no. And then one evening we were closing up a few weeks back and she said, so I know you really want me. I go, yeah, I do. She says, well, you're going to do stuff but what I want.

9:27 Adam Right.

9:28 Caller She says, get down on your knees and suck my ass.

9:31 Adam No, she did not.

9:32 Caller She did.

9:33 Adam No, I don't believe you.

9:35 Caller Really?

9:35 Adam How old was she?

9:36 Caller She's 19, 20 around there.

9:38 Adam Really? Was she a waitress there?

9:40 Caller Yes.

9:41 Adam Okay.

9:42 All right.

9:42 Adam I'm with you. So now you're down on your knees.

9:45 Caller And I.

9:45 Adam Oh, she's down on her knees?

9:47 No, no.

9:47 Caller She's bent over on a counter and I'm down on my knees.

9:51 Adam Right.

9:51 Caller And I basically gave her a rim job.

9:56 Adam Right.

9:56 Caller And it was incredibly exciting.

9:59 Adam Yeah.

10:00 Caller But it was also kind of humiliating at the same time.

10:03 Adam Right.

10:04 Caller And I did orgasm, but the only thing it was a rim job.

10:07 Drew Spontaneously?

10:08 Adam You orgasmed off a rim job?

10:09 Caller Giving it to her, yeah.

10:11 Adam Wow. That's a ninja-like concentration.

10:13 Drew I know the punch line to the story is going to be, and that woman was Kevin Smith.

10:16 Caller No, it was going to be a Mason Jar.

10:19 Adam No, I'm thinking he's going to work in the salad bar and maybe some ranch dressing at a certain point in the story.

10:24 Caller Mason Jar.

10:25 Drew What kind of table was she leaning over? Just got curiosity, Chippendale, something like that.

10:29 Caller No, just a run of the mill table and a restaurant.

10:31 Caller All right, so why do you call us?

10:33 Caller Well, because I just-

10:34 Drew To brag, of course.

10:35 Adam He's from New Jersey, by the way.

10:37 Drew Awesome. I knew I recognized that voice.

10:41 Adam Yes. Mark, why are you calling us?

10:43 Caller It just seems kind of bizarre. I'm wondering if this is like-

10:46 Caller Yes, it seems kind of bizarre. We would agree.

10:48 Adam Mark, let me say this. From this day forward, anything that you deem bizarre is bizarre. You don't have to bother calling the show anymore. Any more bizarre encounters and rim jobs and spontaneous orgasms because your tongue is halfway up someone's ass. Consider that bizarre and be comfortable with that. All right.

11:09 Drew You can count your lucky stars, too. All right.

11:12 Adam What else are you going to do? Do you have any further plans with this girl?

11:15 Caller Well, I mean, I suspect we're going to have some more encounters.

11:19 Adam Right.

11:21 Drew Is that like dating?

11:23 Caller No, we don't date.

11:25 Drew No, I just have encounters in restaurants.

11:27 Adam Right. All right, Mark. Enjoy your life.

11:30 Caller Thank you.

11:31 Adam Remember, you wash your tongue after handling ass. Right? Isn't there a sign somewhere in the back that warns people to wash?

11:41 Caller Yeah.

11:41 Drew It's right above the sneeze guard.

11:42 Caller Were there people around in the restaurant?

11:45 Drew I don't know. We didn't ask him.

11:46 Were there people around in the restaurant?

11:48 Adam No, he said it was after closing.

11:50 Drew After closing?

11:51 Adam Yeah. All right.

11:53 Drew Those bus boys, they get all the ass.

11:55 Adam Jen?

11:56 Yes?

11:56 Adam 29. What's up?

11:58 Actually, I wanted to find out how effective condoms are against STDs. I had seen a show carried on a network saying that they weren't.

12:11 Caller They're very effective.

12:14 I have a 10-year-old son, and soon enough, he will be getting sex ed in school.

12:19 Caller They're very effective. First of all, this is a very complex issue, and you almost have to be a scientist to understand what's being bantered about here. They went ahead and did a large-scale study where they tried to scientifically prove the effectiveness of condoms against multiple sexually transmitted diseases, and they didn't have sufficient data to prove it. They didn't prove it didn't work. They just didn't have sufficient data to prove it did. And except for hepatitis and HIV for males, it protected males for sure against those two illnesses. As a matter of fact, in clinical, anyone who practices medicine will tell you it is a very fine barrier. CDC, Institute for Medicine, National Institute of Health, everyone else believes it is a very effective barrier against pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

13:06 Adam How does that, how do you test for that?

13:08 Caller I didn't know the...

13:09 Adam I mean, are you having sex with AIDS-infected people?

13:13 Caller Some people are doing that. Yeah, people are doing that.

13:15 Adam Wow. And I mean, they give them to their partners or something, right?

13:18 Caller Yeah. But Adam, here's the group that's saying...

13:21 Adam Not just college students sodomizing AIDS victims, right?

13:24 Caller That would be a tough ethical study to pull off.

13:26 But 50 bucks is 50 bucks.

13:28 Caller I know you participate in all, but guess who the people are that are trying to prove condoms don't work?

13:34 Adam I will say the Right to Life folks.

13:36 Caller Shocking, shocking. Remember she was in here spouting that stuff out, remember?

13:39 Adam Right. Not that interested in the truth, more interested in talking about why people shouldn't have sex, and it's mainly because they never get laid. Have you ever seen these women? They look like Jane Hathaway from the Beverly Hillbillies. It's like, here's really what they should be saying. They're always talking about Jesus, and they're talking about contraception, and they're talking about Right to Life, but it's really like, look, I'm not getting laid, so the world should stop screwing.

14:08 Drew Fair enough.

14:09 Adam Yeah. I'd be all right if they just came out and said it that way.

14:12 Drew I know.

14:13 It would be a lot easier to swallow.

14:14 Adam Yeah. There's nothing-

14:15 Drew No pun intended.

14:15 Adam Yeah. Speaking of that, that is a way it can be transmitted. All right. So condoms good.

14:20 Caller Condoms good.

14:21 Adam No.

14:22 Caller Shock.

14:23 Adam This just in. Swallow bad, condom good, rim job bad. Where are we so far?

14:28 Caller I'm going to keep it tally. Rim job. Yeah. Rim job dubious. But I've had to do a lot of public speaking about this condom thing because it inflamed this controversy built on just an incomplete study, basically.

14:40 Drew Get out of here.

14:40 Caller Yeah. Oh, it's been ridiculous.

14:42 Drew You think like condoms are just introduced into the mainstream.

14:44 Caller You would think that, yeah, it was some sort of nefarious behavior, some nefarious technique people were using that had questionable utility.

14:53 Caller No.

14:55 Adam Why is it that this study wasn't conducted a long time ago?

14:59 Caller It's a hard question.

14:59 Adam Or has it been?

15:00 Caller It's been done. It was a big study to try to prove a few things, and it was inconclusive. It was carried out by a government agency, so.

15:08 Adam All right. Wendy?

15:09 Hello?

15:10 Adam You're 17?

15:11 Caller Yeah.

15:12 Adam What's up?

15:13 Caller I actually have two questions. All right. One is that I want to go to a cheap Asian place to go get my bikini line wax.

15:21 Adam Right.

15:22 Caller And I was wondering if it was actually going to be safe if I could actually get any type of STDs or something. If you don't like clean the tweezers or if they, you know.

15:32 Caller What are they using besides wax when they do these things?

15:35 Caller Huh?

15:36 Adam I don't know. But this whole-

15:37 Drew Throw it to the girl in the room has been waxed.

15:39 We generally don't use tweezers.

15:40 Drew Yeah.

15:42 I'm hoping that the wax, it must get to a really high temperature before they actually apply it.

15:46 Caller But then they rip and throw it all away, right?

15:49 They smear it on, they rip it off.

15:50 Drew You're acting like you've never done it. You're like, I believe it gets hot.

15:52 I'm like, well, I think.

15:53 Drew You've got a Brazilian.

15:54 There aren't really tweezers or other instruments used besides the wax.

15:58 Caller There's no instrumentation, yeah.

15:59 No.

16:00 Caller Wendy.

16:01 Caller Okay. So there's no possible way then?

16:04 Adam Well, here's what, there's something that's curious about this. I don't think most guys know this, but this is the nails, the cuticles, the pedicures, the manicures, the waxing, the bikini stuff. It's exclusively the domain of these Asian women. Right.

16:22 Caller And that's part of what's confusing me, is cheap Asian place where they do this.

16:26 Caller Well, I mean, if I go to a white place, it's going to be like two or three times more, you know?

16:31 Caller We didn't know non-Asians did this. Really? White?

16:34 Caller The place I'm going to go to, they specialize in nails. They don't even do hair or anything. They just do nails and waxing.

16:40 Adam Funny, white guys always charge double or triple for everything. You want your lawn mowed.

16:44 Caller That's white males.

16:45 Adam You want your bikini waxed.

16:45 Caller Adam, white males.

16:46 Adam White males are like, that's going to run you.

16:48 Drew That's going to cost you triple.

16:49 Adam How much are, what's the Mexicans and Chinks? What do they call it? What do they charge you? What do you say for the lawn?

16:56 Triple.

16:58 Adam You get the satisfaction.

16:58 Drew My time is valuable. I am white.

17:00 Adam You get the peace of mind and knowing that a white guy mowed your lawn and that a white chick worked on your bikini.

17:06 Drew I find it weird that the waxing and the nails go hand in hand.

17:10 Adam Yes.

17:10 Drew I'm with you on that. That's bizarre. It shouldn't be something else like proctology, gynecology and waxing. Why nails?

17:17 Adam It's the same place. Is it done at the same place?

17:21 Drew Yeah.

17:21 Caller They have a little back room and you go in there and then they do their thing on you.

17:25 Drew Legs in the air, yes.

17:27 Adam I'd like to hang out.

17:28 Caller It's brutal.

17:30 Adam Did they let you audit those? Could I just hang out? Was it an acting class?

17:35 Caller I did an MTV show that's going to air in a couple of weeks called Flipped where this couple was flipped. The guy became a girl and the girl became a guy. They had a makeup artist come in. These people, they were changed. He had to go through all the beauty and stuff and had all the hair ripped off and everything.

17:50 Drew He got waxed?

17:51 Caller Yeah. He had multiple, yeah, butt growing and everything. He said it was an eyebrow. He said it was just crying, sobbing, little baby.

17:59 Adam Madame Tussaud does not have enough wax to get the hair from my ass area. I guarantee you that. They'd be like calling a flatbed trolley. Back up the wax mobile. I don't understand it. We had six months worth of wax in this. All right, Wendy, you can go there and tip the ladies, would you?

18:19 Caller Yeah. But I have one more quick question.

18:21 Adam Yeah.

18:21 Caller Okay. Dr. Drew signed my Dr. Drew and Adam book last summer at the BSD. I was just wondering if you guys are going to have another book like a volume two or something.

18:30 Adam No. Just buy that one again.

18:32 Caller I'm working on a book.

18:33 Adam A Drew is?

18:33 Caller I'm working on a book. It's going to be good.

18:37 Adam It's called Boring is Good.

18:38 Caller No, no, no. This is going to be very interesting.

18:40 Adam All right. All right, Wendy.

18:41 Drew Okay.

18:42 Adam All right. Enjoy that.

18:43 Drew I feel like we're in the 1950s, man. The first one of the first questions is, do condoms work? And the other one is, what about this waxing I hear so much about?

18:52 Adam This newfangled wax material that was just discovered. And I hear stories. There's this place called Pinky Cheeks or something that's around here. It's on Ventura or something. And I hear these stories is where all the playmates go to and everything, where women are like on their back with their knees behind their ears. And the woman's like stuffing stuff up the crack.

19:13 Drew Describe. How does it go? You've been there?

19:15 Caller Yeah. It'd be more vivid than what just Adam just said.

19:17 That is a perfect picture of what is going on.

19:19 Caller Knees and ears.

19:21 Stuffing stuff. The legs over the head.

19:22 Drew I think you did audit one of these ones because you know a little bit too much.

19:25 Adam I've heard stories. Yeah.

19:27 Caller I think this new film is germinating here.

19:30 Adam And it's sort of like, look, I know this is going to sound horrible.

19:33 Drew It would be an excellent film. It's a fish out of water tell you and a bunch of Asian chicks. You somehow through some court order, you have to wind up doing waxing, kind of getting touched by the feminine side. Your ex-girlfriend comes back to you.

19:47 Caller You beat a woman or something and it's your punishment.

19:49 Adam Right.

19:50 Drew And then you come to realize that, you know.

19:52 Adam Here's the twist though. I'm like, I'm a total pee hound. But after seeing this for eight hours a day, six days a week, I grow tired of a woman's genitalia and I never want to see it again.

20:03 Drew I'm sorry. You can say rim job in the show. You can't say pee.

20:07 Adam I don't know. Am we allowed to say that word? Pussy hound? We can? All right. Am I allowed to say that, Anne? I think Anne's fine.

20:16 Caller You can't say piss.

20:17 Adam Okay. Thanks. They just beeped half the show. Here's my theory about this and I know it's one of my many racist theories. But I think women like the fact that they're sort of little Asian women who speak broken English because it's sort of half-person, half sort of alien. You know what I mean? They don't really count. Who are they going to talk to? They're going to run into one of your friends at a party. You don't run in that circle. You'll never see them again. That's what I'm saying.

20:45 Caller That's true, but getting a bikini wax, it takes maybe half an hour. You are talking so much to this woman about anything, your deepest, darkest secrets, because it hurts so badly and your legs are in the air, that this woman knows more about me than my husband does, because you are just trying to kill the time.

21:02 Caller Well, that's refreshing.

21:04 Caller I'm just kidding, maybe that was an exaggeration.

21:05 Drew I'm going to go hook up with the waxer.

21:07 Caller No, you do. I've been going to the same woman to get wax for like 10 years.

21:10 Drew Is she Asian?

21:11 Caller No, she's Romanian.

21:12 Adam Oh, really?

21:13 Drew She just blew the curve right there.

21:15 Adam They're mean, yes. She's like a gymnastics coach, where she yells, you hold still.

21:21 Caller She has a mustache.

21:21 Adam Wax hot, yes?

21:23 Drew She's like, oh, my husband doesn't understand me. He's like, shut up, put her legs up, burn.

21:27 Adam At least you have husband. You bite on spoon, I pull wax. Here you go.

21:32 Caller I hold a towel like this and twisty.

21:34 Caller Really? I once waxed Charchescu's mustache.

21:36 Caller But you know what? I love it. That's the same thing is that I love it. I love to get bikini waxed.

21:41 Adam Yeah, really? It's a certain like endorphin rush with the pain pleasure sort of thing?

21:45 Caller You're like 10 pounds lighter.

21:47 Adam That's nice.

21:48 Caller Aerodynamic. Move through the air without that drag.

21:51 Caller James?

21:52 Hey, how you doing?

21:53 Adam You're 23.

21:54 Caller Yes, I am.

21:54 Caller What's up?

21:55 Caller I wanted to ask Kevin a question. I didn't have a chance to. I actually met him about a month and a half ago. All right.

22:02 Caller Hold on one second, Ken. One more time. We got to go to break.

22:04 Adam Really?

22:04 Caller Yeah, I got to go.

22:05 Adam We got to make a phone call?

22:05 Caller I got an emergency call.

22:08 Adam It can't go a minute and a half, Drew. You know this part of the argument is going to take at least the time to call.

22:13 Caller I know, but it is actually time for us to lay low at the clock. We'll come right back and James will get an emergency.

22:19 Drew This is very uncomfortable.

22:20 Adam I know, but I know it's not going to be a real emergency.

22:23 Caller James will get his chance to talk to Kevin.

22:25 Adam All right, we'll be back.

22:29 Caller We'll be right back. Call on the 1-800-LOVE-191.

23:03 Adam Hey, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. A little microphone problem there. Kevin Smith and Jennifer Schwalbach are both here. They are a married couple. Don't let the names confuse you. Both in the movie, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, which is coming out on August 24th. That's a week from this Friday. Yes.

23:29 Drew Yes.

23:29 Adam Yes. And Kevin wrote it. And what the hell else?

23:34 Drew You guys aren't on Friday, right?

23:36 Caller No.

23:36 Adam No.

23:37 Caller But we can come to the premiere, then.

23:38 Drew Yeah, by all means.

23:39 Adam The premiere won't be on Friday, though.

23:41 Drew The premiere is actually tomorrow. You're welcome to come to that as well.

23:44 Adam Thank you.

23:45 Caller I don't say thanks, but no thanks.

23:46 Caller Good one, Kevin. Nice save.

23:49 Adam Yeah, see you at the premiere and on the DVD.

23:52 Caller Open your other radio.

23:53 Adam Shoot. We do get invited to premieres from time to time, but there's never one on a Friday or Saturday.

24:00 Drew Presumably, the movie opens on a Friday, so why have the party? You want people going to pay to see the movie. I personally am not a big premiere fan. I'd much rather not be having a premiere tomorrow, because you're giving away 700 free seats.

24:14 Adam Right. That's BS.

24:15 Drew F that. Yeah. No way.

24:17 Adam Yeah. Smart.

24:18 Drew To people that can afford to buy a ticket too.

24:21 Adam That's right.

24:22 Drew Give the tickets away to the people who can afford to buy it. In the Porsche, we have to work for a living. We have to buy 8, 9 buck tickets.

24:28 Adam Right. And then they never.

24:29 Drew The eternal conundrum.

24:30 Adam Oh, they leave early. They try to catch you at the party.

24:34 Drew We had a school. The last premiere we had for Dogma, Michael Keaton was there. And I was kind of jazzed by that, because he was Batman. And at one point, like I'm saying, I've seen the movie. I'm like, I'll sit through it again. And he spent half the movie out in the lobby on his cell phone. Very classy. Very classy Batman. Is that Commissioner Gordon calling you? Must you be on your way? Is the signal in the sky?

24:55 Adam Well, he's, you've cursed him with his career, by the way. I mean, his career just fall apart, hasn't it?

25:00 Drew No, he'll work forever.

25:02 Caller He's a great actor, too, I think. Yeah, he's a very good actor.

25:05 Adam Please, he hates the man. Don't talk about him.

25:07 Drew I love Michael Keaton. No, I love Michael Keaton. I was crestfallen that he talked on the phone through most of my premiere, but I got over it. I said, I'll show you Michael Keaton one day. I'll put Adam Corolla in the movie.

25:18 Caller And then cut him out.

25:21 Caller Half of my stuff got cut out.

25:22 Adam Oh, really?

25:23 Caller She's just saying that to make it go down smoothly for you.

25:26 Adam That leaves the other half, though, right?

25:28 Caller All right.

25:30 Adam See, it's between 50% and 100, and 50%.

25:35 Drew And 0%.

25:36 Adam Kevin told me during the break that he'd actually cut so much stuff of my mind out of the movie that if I appear in the next movie, that's going to have to be cut, too, because it was part of the cutting process. We kept cutting.

25:47 Drew We ran out of stuff of yours to cut. We were like, well, mental note, cut more of his stuff when we use it in the next picture.

25:54 Adam In the third, if in fact there is a third.

25:56 Drew We would have caught up by then.

25:57 Adam Right.

25:58 Drew All right.

25:58 Adam James? 23?

26:00 Caller Yes, I am.

26:01 Adam You have a question for Kevin?

26:02 Caller Yeah, I was actually down at a signing that he did about a month and a half ago.

26:07 Drew At Dave's Laser Place?

26:08 Caller Yes, and we were actually, my girlfriend and I were the couple that they told you spent the night on the roof.

26:14 Drew That's right. Is this going to be a weird sex story? Because Dr. Drew is here. He will advise.

26:22 Caller We just had to come down and meet you for the first time. We are a huge, absolutely huge fan.

26:27 Drew Thank you. That was an excellent signing. A big old line down Ventura around the block.

26:32 Caller Very, very cool.

26:33 Drew But I understand you guys slept in the car on the roof and were not even first in line.

26:38 Caller Yeah.

26:38 Drew Like you overslept.

26:39 Caller I overslept a little bit. We were hungry. We got to get something to eat. We came back and there were like three people there.

26:44 Drew It's only three.

26:46 Caller We were bummed that there was like 300 there. But then afterwards. The reason why I'm like a huge fan, as I know Chasing Amy was like a big movie for you, not only just making it, but as long as far as the story. But I know it sounds really weird, but that's the reason why I got the laser dis-sign is because that is actually a true story for me. I know listening to the commentary, you're like, yeah, all the guys are going to go out and like try to get laid by lesbians. But that actually happened to me. I actually asked the girl out that was gay to go see Chasing Amy. And from there we had like a three-year relationship.

27:25 Drew Get out of here. You converted her?

27:27 Caller No. Well, not really converted her because I mean, three years later when we broke up, she was back to, you know, but.

27:33 Drew Did she try to bring girls into your relationship over the course of three years?

27:36 Caller No, not at all. It was just one of those things where it was like when we were sitting there watching the movie and Joey Adams was explaining to Ben, like, you know, why she fell in love with him and why she was with him. You know, she just turned and looked at me and was like, you know, that explains it all and you don't really have to ask any more questions. And from that moment on, I never did question it because beforehand, it was just like, you know, we would look at each other and say, you know, why is this happening? Why are we together?

28:05 Caller I don't know what she says. What was the line?

28:07 Drew You know, like, escape from it. No, she talks about why you're talking about why she was, I totally zoned out because I was like, Adam and Drew are just like, wrap it up, kid. We got to talk about Nookie.

28:21 Adam Hey, James. I'm glad you got sex off a lesbian, all right? All right, God bless. You know, it's tough. Here's the tough part. It's got to be tough in your career. It's tough in ours too. We don't have as many fans as you do, but the more energetic a fan is, the crazier they are. So you're profoundly flattered that they went to great lengths sleeping in their car. You know, for us, it's bus rides from God knows where. But you realize only an insane person would do that, and that's who you're dealing with at this point.

28:56 Drew I don't process it that way.

28:58 Adam Oh, I do.

28:58 Drew Like, she's always talking about, like, I don't understand why people want your signature. She maintains, Jen, my wife, maintains that she would never want anyone's signature. And I cop to actually having two autographs myself. Who? Howe Hartley and Michael Keaton. I got him to sign it while he was on the phone during my premiere.

29:16 Adam Signed his cell battery.

29:17 Drew No, there was a director named Howe Hartley. I had him sign a laserdisc for a movie he did called Trust, which I liked a lot, before I got into filmmaking myself. And Richard Leclerc, a guy that did Slacker and Dazed and Confused, he signed my Dazed and Confused CD.

29:30 Adam I love Dazed and Confused, by the way.

29:31 Drew Utterly watchable movie.

29:33 Adam I really, really enjoyed that movie. And my only problem with it is there's a guy by the name of Sasha Jensen, who I went to high school with, who played a high schooler in that movie. And I was like sitting there like, no way, Sasha, no way. I graduated the day in 82. He can't be in high school. Last time I saw him was high school. He passed.

29:53 Drew He can't be back in high school. They all looked about 30 to me in that movie. But most movies, look at Grease for heaven sakes. George Ravold's Olivia Newton John High School, I don't buy it. And then I got in high school, I'm like, how come nobody looks like they did in Grease? We all look like kids.

30:06 Adam Right. Yeah, it looks like Newsies. Karen, you're 21. What's up?

30:15 Caller Well, I've been married for a year and a half. My husband's 20. And we have sex, but it's like, I don't really, it doesn't do anything for me, just regular sex. And I feel really bad because it kind of makes me not want to.

30:28 Caller What do you mean just regular sex? What kind does do something for you?

30:31 Caller Like vaginal sex.

30:33 Caller What does do something for you? You imply there's something that does work for you.

30:36 Caller I like oral sex.

30:37 Caller And he doesn't do that for you?

30:39 Caller Sometimes, but he doesn't really like it. I don't know. I don't really have this big sex drive.

30:46 Adam Right.

30:47 Caller Do you want a medication?

30:48 Caller No. We'll just birth control.

30:50 Caller Did that change your sex drive?

30:51 Caller I don't think so.

30:52 Caller It can.

30:54 Caller Yeah. I don't think it did, though.

30:56 Adam She prefers oral sex. A lot of women are that way.

30:58 Caller Did you guys have a sexual connection before you got married? Have you ever had one with him?

31:03 Caller Well, we dated for a long time before. We made out and stuff.

31:07 Caller But you didn't have anything really?

31:10 Caller I never really needed it.

31:12 Caller Never with anybody else either?

31:14 Adam Uh-uh.

31:16 Drew How long have you been married?

31:17 Caller Like a year and a half.

31:18 Drew Any kids?

31:19 Caller What's that?

31:19 Drew Any kids?

31:20 Caller No.

31:21 Drew Get out. Why that man will do what you need. Get out.

31:25 Adam But I don't know if she knows what she needs or... She's, what, 21. And a lot of the women we talk to at 21 just have not hit their stride yet sexually. No, maybe it takes a guy to get them on that stride. But Karen sounds sort of like a young 21 and sort of naive. And maybe she's not really too into it at this stage of the game.

31:45 Caller But she knows she's into oral sex.

31:47 Adam Right.

31:47 Caller Do you love your husband? Yeah.

31:49 Caller Oh, yeah.

31:49 Caller So you're committed to the relationship.

31:51 Caller Oh, yeah. We're very intimate. Like, I guess the way that I feel intimate is just by talking. All right.

31:56 Caller That's right. I understand. But then that's sort of how women do experience that. Men don't necessarily experience that. But one thing that men can do easily is just listen to you and do what you ask of him. It's simple enough. Why don't you tell him what you want him to do?

32:09 Caller But it's not even that. I mean, it doesn't really make a difference whether or not I orgasm to me.

32:14 Adam Yeah, but you enjoy the oral sex.

32:16 Caller Yeah.

32:16 Adam Why don't you tell him that? Can you do that? Yeah. Try that. Women...

32:22 Caller There's something missing in your connection with your husband. That's all I can tell you. I don't know what it is, or if it is just a particular communication problem, but there's something missing here.

32:31 Adam Women also, I think, don't like telling guys what they want.

32:35 Caller Yeah, it's like it spoils it. They're supposed to magically know.

32:38 Adam GIO And it should be magic. And also, some of them, like we'll talk to women who have been married for 15 years, they love oral sex, their husband doesn't do it, and they're angry at the guy. And they should be because the guy should be doing it. But on the other hand, you've not been telling them for 15 years what you want. Each year, you get more and more angry. Whereas men, we understand being told what to do, and we like to tell what to do. That's why, like with hookers, it's like, okay, how much for a BJ? 50 bucks. Okay, sex, that's 100.

33:10 Drew I'm still flabbergasted. You can say rim job, but you have to say BJ. I don't understand the show at all. You're right.

33:15 Adam I don't have to say it. I can say below job.

33:17 Caller Talk to your friend George Carlin. He invented the seven words you can't say, and that's it. We still have to fly by.

33:21 Drew Still working by that standard?

33:22 Caller That's it.

33:23 Drew Heavens.

33:24 Adam Karen, call her Karen. Talk to him. Just tell him you enjoy that.

33:28 Caller Well, I think he knows it.

33:31 Caller No, don't assume anything.

33:32 Drew When you assume, you make an A out of it.

33:35 Caller You appreciate it when I tell you what I want, right?

33:37 Drew Yes. I've been married for two years and changed.

33:41 Caller You heard the last guy, the woman says, get down here and put your tongue someplace, and he has an orgasm.

33:46 Adam Yeah.

33:47 Caller The guy's like this.

33:47 Drew In a restaurant, no less.

33:49 Adam Karen, you're going to get angry at the guy, especially if you think he knows you like it and he's not doing it anyway.

33:55 Caller Well, it's not that he avoids it. I don't know. It's not that important to me, I guess.

33:59 Adam Well, it is. That's why you're calling the show, though.

34:02 Caller Listen, there may be something more substantial going on here, but there is an obvious place to start. Just do that. Make sure he does that every time and pays attention, and see if that kindles a connection of some type. But he may not be paying attention to you. He may not be giving you your emotional needs, getting your emotional needs met the way you need, and that's a different issue.

34:20 Adam I'll do it every time. That's my style, and sometimes I'll even do it twice, so I don't have to do it the next time.

34:26 Right, right. Get a job.

34:27 Adam Yeah, log some.

34:28 Caller This is again his 110% commitment to the role.

34:32 Caller Right.

34:34 Adam Wait a minute. I lost count. What number of liquor are we up to, honey? All right, 100 equals one time.

34:39 Caller A one, a two, that's it.

34:41 Drew It's the Tootsie Pop.

34:42 Adam Get Mr. Owl to go down on you. Kyle?

34:46 Yeah?

34:46 Adam You're 13?

34:48 Caller Yeah.

34:48 Adam What's up?

34:50 Caller My pubic hair has been smelling really bad lately, and I want to know what's up with that.

34:55 Drew Can you actually smell your pubic hair?

34:58 Caller No, it's that strong.

34:59 Adam I mean, it emanates. It comes up.

35:02 Caller Huh?

35:03 Adam It smells like when your mom has...

35:05 Caller Speaking of mom. Somebody just walked in there.

35:08 Adam Honey buns in the oven or something, right? Kyle?

35:11 Caller Yeah?

35:11 Adam Did your mom walk in on you? Yep. Yeah. All right. So we'll speak in code. Okay. All right.

35:17 Drew You're going to say your pee is smelly.

35:20 Adam Right. This is puberty. That's what happens. You start smelling.

35:25 Caller You start having to learn how to manage that.

35:27 Adam Right.

35:28 Caller It's bacteria that cause that smell. Those bacteria don't like soap. They don't like...

35:32 Caller Oh, I take showers all the time.

35:34 Caller And they don't like dry.

35:36 Drew Because all the friends are like, hey, I shower.

35:39 Caller Don't let it get moist down there. Keep it real dry.

35:41 Adam All right. Dump some talc down there. That's what I do.

35:45 Caller Do you have any skin lesions or anything down there? Any little zits or anything?

35:49 Adam He's going to yell at us herpes.

35:50 Caller Oh, I know.

35:52 Adam You know what's weird? You know when you're doing that code thing in front of your parents, even the word no sounds strange.

35:58 Caller Yeah, he'll look, no.

36:00 Adam Uh, no. It's like you can't just go... Like if you're having a normal conversation and your mom was in the room, and your friend said, you know, did you make it out to the ball game last week? And you go, no. But now it's real strained.

36:14 Drew And he just knows, mom's sitting there going, Kyle, who are you speaking to at this hour of the night about taking frequent showers? What is that all about?

36:22 Adam Drew, what kind of plan is it, what kind of plan did God have to make us essentially hairless and smellless all the time we were not able to have sex? And as soon as the sexuality comes in, we cover ourselves with hair and stink. What kind of plan is that? Do you know what I mean? Shouldn't it be the other way around? Shouldn't it be hairy and smelly from like 0 to 14? Don't care. And then have the hair start falling out and the funk start going away so we can have some good, clean, hairless, funk-less sex?

36:52 Caller I guess we may have lost the appreciation of the funk-filled sex as we evolved as a civilized human.

36:58 Adam Right, right, right. There was a time when people probably appreciated that.

37:03 Caller And marked each other with it too. And it does arouse, theoretically. That part of the brain gets affected by it.

37:10 Adam Really?

37:10 Caller I know.

37:12 Adam Yeah, see, I'm past that. I'm too evolved. That's my problem.

37:15 Caller I often refer to you as too evolved, Adam.

37:17 Adam Yes. You're using your reptilian brain, man.

37:20 Caller That's right. I'm passionate.

37:22 Adam All right. We will take ourselves a little break. Jennifer and Kevin are both here from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Out this, not this Friday, so.

37:29 Drew A week from this Friday.

37:30 Adam A week from this Friday. And we'll be right back.

37:34 Caller Loveline, Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191, we'll be right back.

38:06 Adam Hey, everybody. This is Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. This is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Jennifer Schwalbach, Schwalbach, sorry, and Kevin Smith are both here from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, which is out a week from this Friday on the 24th. It has tons and tons of funny people in it. Drew's just broken his microphone. All right. You'll be fine, Drew. And I don't know. I haven't heard any press on it or anything, but the commercials look funny and a lot of buzz, like I said, based on wearing the jacket.

38:44 Drew Yes.

38:45 Adam Living that life.

38:45 Drew So far, very nice. We got a really great review in Premiere. That was kind of cool.

38:50 Adam That's great.

38:51 Drew And then most of the other reviews, I guess, break fairly soon. But we had a junket like a month ago, and the press there really seemed to dig it.

38:58 Caller Oh, good.

38:58 Drew Which I was taken aback by because I really thought this would be the one they'd turn on us with.

39:01 Caller Why?

39:02 Drew Because there's no depth to it whatsoever. It's just a comedy for the sake of being a comedy. And after the last movies, after Chasing Amy and Dogma, the critics say things about you like, ah, he's living up to the promise he showed with Clerks and then suddenly we make a movie that is a quantum leap backwards and is more like the second movie we made which nobody liked, Mallrats. Well, some people like the critics.

39:24 Adam I like Mallrats. I saw Mallrats in the theater.

39:27 Drew Did you? You and like two other people.

39:30 Adam Yeah, I saw it in the Eagle Rock Mall with a guy named Gary Valvo.

39:35 Caller The F we doing over there?

39:38 Adam I was teaching boxing for living out in Pasadena.

39:43 Caller Was it that long ago that film?

39:45 Drew Yeah.

39:47 Adam Yeah, 95.

39:48 Drew Six years back.

39:49 Adam This guy was a pilot for Delta and he didn't have anything going and I was done teaching my class so let's go see Mallrats.

39:55 Caller Is he an African American guy? No.

39:57 Adam Alvaro? He's a little Italian guy. Don't let black guys fly planes, Drew.

40:03 You know that.

40:04 Caller Come on.

40:05 Adam All right. Let's talk to Francis who's 15. Francis? What's up?

40:12 Caller Adam, Drew, Jennifer and Kevin.

40:14 Drew Hello.

40:14 Adam Pretty good.

40:15 Drew I know. I feel included.

40:18 Caller Kevin?

40:19 Drew Yes.

40:19 Caller What was your favorite movie to make?

40:22 Drew Favorite movie to make? I think actually, I mean, it's going to sound like I'm just pimping the new movie, but it was the recent movie, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. A lot of fun making it.

40:31 Caller All right. And in dogma, what do you have against Wisconsin?

40:35 Drew Nothing. In dogma, there's a joke about Wisconsin being kind of hell on earth. It was just I needed the state that was right next to Illinois.

40:43 Caller Although I got to say, I was in Milwaukee in February, and I couldn't help thinking, why did humans settle here?

40:51 Drew It was a cold and barren and windy. It didn't look like that on Laverne and Shirley, right?

40:55 Adam No.

40:56 Drew You know, Shemeel Shamoza looked like a lot of fun.

40:58 Adam Yeah, a nice pizza parlor. It seemed like a lot of good times. The big ragu would come in and lay down a number.

41:04 Drew Exactly.

41:05 Adam The big ragu. The big ragu was five-five, by the way. And Adam? Yeah.

41:12 Caller Can you either do some tambourine or go out into the hall and see if you can get the security guard caught on?

41:19 Caller No, this guy is not here tonight.

41:20 Adam Yeah, a security guard that has a narcolepsy is not here tonight. We had a security guard. The guy is a big, heavy-set guy. He must have three or four daytime jobs because he sleeps on the sofa. Right.

41:34 Drew You feel secure, do you?

41:35 Adam Yeah. Yeah, I really do. I mean, this guy, in a way, he's just sort of like, he's like a hay bale. You dive behind him at the shooting. It's like a sandbag. He snores, but it's sort of novelty snoring that only big husky guys can pull off. That weird, just like arching.

41:52 Caller Oh, I'm familiar with that snore.

41:54 Adam You do that?

41:54 Caller Oh, yeah.

41:55 Adam Yeah. It just takes a man of a certain carriage to be able to pull off that kind of snoring. He would do that, and so I decided to get a 20-foot extension on my mic, and I dragged it over there during the show.

42:09 Caller Well, you crawled out on your belly.

42:11 Adam I crawled over. It's really scary.

42:12 Drew It's like a reconnaissance mission to get out there and catch him snoring.

42:16 Caller Yeah. Leave the mic.

42:17 Adam You know what's weird? Why do you have such a fear of people that are sleeping? I was on my belly.

42:22 Drew Creeping up to them and whatnot.

42:24 Adam Yeah. I was crawling on my elbows.

42:26 Drew Ticking bombs, man. They wake up and take out who was ever nearest to them.

42:30 Adam Would you figure it take them a second or two to get oriented. I'd be gone by then.

42:34 Caller Who are you?

42:35 Drew Oh, you're the guy on the radio.

42:36 Caller You're shaming someone who's defenseless. You should be ashamed of yourself because he doesn't process there's a mic there.

42:44 Adam I think he was sleeping on his gun, so it would have taken him a while to retrieve it from the crack of his ass. But he was asleep out there and I thought, I'm going to get the mic out there and I'm going to put it next to him. I got as close as I could get to his mouth and then it rained back in here. We just checked with it throughout the evening. We'd hear him sawing logs. The poor guy got fired, I think. Did he get fired, Drew? He came back, though. But he came back a year later. Then he fell asleep again, so I decided to go back and Drew was like, don't do it, you got him fired. Drew started in with the, he's got kids and I started in with how is he going to learn a lesson and all this. We couldn't get him the second time. He kept rolling over and stuff.

43:20 Drew You would imagine once bitten, twice shy kind of thing, but apparently not. He's like, I got my job back and finally security again.

43:27 Caller That's why I'm saying he had a medical problem, he had sleep apnea.

43:30 Adam He really made a lot of noise. Tom Vu is a guy who used to sell real estate over the late night infomercial guy in Joy Lot. But you don't know Tom Vu?

43:40 Caller Okay.

43:42 Adam No, no Tom Vu. Thank you. Mary?

43:45 Hello.

43:45 Adam You're 24. What's up?

43:47 Caller Oh my gosh. I love you guys.

43:48 Caller You guys are so awesome.

43:50 Adam Oh, nice.

43:52 Caller I am getting ready to marry my fiancé of six years. And sex is great if we get off to a good start, which is rarely. So I've tried everything from lingerie, novelties, anything you can possibly.

44:10 Caller Hold on a second. Help me out. First of all, I'm going to sort of question everything you say because everything is great as long as we get off to a good start, which never happens. So you're saying they're not great. Okay, what does off to a good start mean?

44:24 Caller You know, at least five to ten minutes of good foreplay.

44:27 Caller Okay, but you're doing these things to try to evoke him, to try to be more provocative, and that moves him along quicker. That's going to make him want to jump right past foreplay.

44:38 Caller Well, and I've even tried to be more subtle, and it just, I, and he's bluntly told me that it's not something that, you know, he's not into it. He would just rather cut to the chase, and obviously for me, you know, there's chances that, more than likely, I won't even orgasm if we don't.

44:55 Adam So you're talking about, like, making out, oral sex, and fondling, and all that stuff, and he wants to get right to the intercourse.

45:02 Caller Right. Well, unless of course he's getting a BJ, and then otherwise.

45:07 Drew Right.

45:08 Adam Well, he's selfish, right? In other words.

45:10 Caller Basically.

45:11 Adam Right.

45:11 Drew Make him work for it, man.

45:12 Caller Start wearing a burlap sack.

45:14 Drew That will teach him.

45:15 Caller Why are you marrying this guy?

45:17 Caller Well, he's a wonderful person.

45:18 Caller Oh, we can see that. He's very caring.

45:22 Drew Very generous.

45:23 No, he really is.

45:24 Drew No, he's not.

45:25 No, don't lie.

45:26 Caller I think what it is too, is his sex drive is like tenfolds mine. And so I have a hard time keeping up with him. Well, he needs to take care of him.

45:36 Caller To what?

45:37 Caller And I've told him that if I got a little more foreplay, it would be all that much better, but.

45:41 Adam Right.

45:42 Caller Again, you're going to be very clear with him. He may have to masturbate himself, take care of himself.

45:47 Caller He does it all the time.

45:48 Caller Is he a sex addict?

45:52 Caller Um, no. He just loves sex. I mean, I imagine every guy does.

45:57 Caller Yeah, but sometimes it can become a problem. It's starting to have consequences here. I mean, that's.

46:01 Adam But as a guy who loves sex, he should understand how to get sex and how to get more sex, and he should put his time in with the foreplay.

46:09 Drew But six years, I guess maybe he assumes he put his time in.

46:12 Caller I have no problem getting sex from him. It's just getting at least those two, three minutes to get me jump started.

46:17 Caller Yeah, Mary, you've got to be more realistic about what you're dealing with here. You've denied every time we've tried to make you look at things through the prism of reality. You've said, no, no, no, it's not so, right? Yikes. Yeah. Things are great, except they're not. He's a wonderful guy, except he's not. Be more realistic about what you're dealing with here, and assert yourself very, very clearly, and create consequences if he doesn't comply, if he's not willing to have reciprocity in your relationship.

46:45 Caller Okay, but it doesn't make sense to me to be like, well, I'm not giving you sex unless you can give me foreplay. I mean, I like the sex once we get into it.

46:54 Adam Right. You don't like the idea of having to threaten him to not be selfish.

46:58 Drew You don't want to use sex as a weapon, as Pat Benatar would say.

47:01 Adam That's right.

47:02 Caller Which is an appropriate and healthy thing not to do that, but it's also not healthy to let your need just fall by the wayside.

47:08 Drew I'm tit for tat.

47:09 Adam You better take care of this before you get married and have kids, and because as we know, hell is for children. Another Pat Benatar adage. All right. Actually, if you listen to this song, hell is for hell at the end, which is sort of redundant.

47:25 Drew If you can get through it.

47:27 Adam How dare you? That's a big karaoke number for me. I almost start crying when I talk about that. I tell grandpa you fell off the swing. You know that? Oh, it's great line, Drew. It's about child abuse. Very heavy. Brings the room down, but it's a powerful message.

47:41 Drew A great karaoke number. Right.

47:43 Adam Right after he's so fine, I come right in to tell this for children. I will take a little break. We'll be back.

47:52 Caller Love Line will be right back. So get your problems ready.

47:56 Caller Ready, ready, ready.

48:34 Adam It is Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Kevin Smith and Jennifer Schwalbach are both here. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is the name of the movie. They're both starring in it. Jennifer, are you starring in it?

48:50 Caller I don't know. Am I starring in it?

48:51 Drew I would say so. It's not Jen and Silent Bob Strike Back, but she's got a pretty substantial role in it. Never acted before.

48:59 Caller Wow.

48:59 Drew Really?

49:00 Caller Not even like a high school player.

49:01 Drew Oh my God.

49:01 Caller How interesting.

49:03 Drew She was a journalist. We met and she interviewed me back in 98. She used to work at USA Today. It was just apparently a very good interview. You should see the piece she wrote.

49:14 Adam Yeah. Did you enjoy it? Was it scary?

49:18 Caller It was awesome. I had the time of my life. I don't know. It was really, really fun.

49:21 Drew You are aware that you have an ant problem in here.

49:25 Caller He's a freak when it comes to insects. He has to catch them and let them free outside. He can't squish an ant.

49:30 Drew He has strange sex stories. I'm just looking at ants and watching them approach.

49:33 Caller I know. I see him playing with them.

49:36 Adam You have to capture them because you don't want to hurt them.

49:40 Caller His theory is that he can't make an ant.

49:43 Drew It's very close. My theory is it's like a human life. It's not a human life, but it's a very intricate life form. It seems ridiculous to just kill it because it's like you're in my way.

49:53 Adam Yeah. My thing is I'm almost the same way, but I will make the exception for vacuuming them. If I can vacuum them, because you assume they're alive in the bag.

50:04 Drew This isn't bad. This is a nice place to be. The bag, there's dirt in it.

50:08 Adam Well, that's like a cathedral for him, for that ant. I mean, there's a lot of room in that bag.

50:13 Drew He gets in the bag with all the other ants, they're like, he got you too.

50:18 Adam Yeah. You know what?

50:19 Caller Play the harmonica.

50:19 Adam You know what's funny? It's always funny.

50:22 That's right.

50:24 Adam Yeah. Roach comes in like two weeks later, what are you in for? I don't know. It's just hanging out.

50:28 Drew I know you wouldn't kill me though. I wish you had sometimes.

50:32 Adam It's weird about the human mind, which is I'll see like a spider or ant or something, and I will vacuum it up. It'll go into the bag and then I'll have that thought. I'll go, now it's in the vacuum, aware of that. Do you think it can climb up and out of the vacuum? Is it in the bag? Is it going to die in the bag? And then it's like, wait a minute, my balls itch. I start scratching my balls and I go, what was I thinking about? Who cares? And I start and I move on.

50:57 Drew And the spider's in the bag going, God, I hope he's got a guilt complex over this. Maybe I'll get free.

51:01 Adam I actually bought one of those insect...

51:03 Drew Trappers...

51:04 Adam .sucker things.

51:05 Drew Yes.

51:05 Adam Do you use one of those? It's sort of like a dust buster, but it'll suck a spider into it.

51:11 Drew And you can see the spider inside as well.

51:14 Adam Right.

51:14 Drew So you know, and you're like, well, he's safe.

51:17 Adam Right.

51:18 Drew He didn't die.

51:18 Adam He's in his own little capsule there.

51:21 Drew Hermitically sealed bubble, you know, nowhere, dying slowly.

51:24 Adam Right.

51:24 Drew A more painful death than his already short lifespan.

51:27 Adam You know what I do too is I will give them a chance to live, but if they don't embrace it, I will kill them. And then like mock them. Like I do that with flies, like flies buzzing around. I'll open the window. The fly will smack the window next to it, bounce back. Then it'll come back in the room, be buzzing around and I'll have the window open and I'll start that dialogue. Free, go, go, look, I'm giving you a chance. I give it, this is it.

51:48 Caller I'm going to shut.

51:49 Adam Okay, now you've asked for it. That's it. You die. Then I smack them like you see what happens.

51:55 Caller Yeah. I know you will have to think as you shut the door when it worked.

51:59 Adam That's right. I gave the fly a chance.

52:01 Drew You have to imagine that's how God, if you believe in God, feels about you, me, Drew, Jen. Same thing. I gave you a chance.

52:07 Caller Giving us many open doors.

52:09 Drew You're going to die now.

52:09 Adam That's right. Daniel?

52:12 Caller Yeah.

52:12 Adam You're 17?

52:13 Caller Yeah.

52:13 Adam What's that?

52:15 Caller A question for Kevin. The girl from Chasing Amy that Joyler and Adam was made out with?

52:21 Drew Yes.

52:21 Caller Is that Jason Lee's wife?

52:22 Drew That is Jason Lee's wife, Carmen Llewellyn Lee.

52:25 Caller She's in this movie too.

52:26 Drew She's in this movie as well. She plays a stand-in for one of the Scooby-Doo gang.

52:33 Caller Also, I heard that you're going to do the Fletch movie?

52:38 Drew Yes. Not next, but right after.

52:40 Caller Fletch?

52:41 Adam They're doing another Fletch movie?

52:43 Drew Miramax option, a series of book. When people hear Fletch, of course, they think, rightfully, Chevy Chase, the two movies, the one really good one, the one not so good one. But the first movie was based on a book that Gregory McDonnell wrote. He wrote a series of them, a series of books about this character Fletch. Sixth or seventh in the series was a book called Fletch One, which took the story way back to the beginning to tell how he first got a job on the paper. I always felt I learned to write dialogue by reading Gregory McDonnell's Fletch novels. They're very dialogue heavy, very few expository passages. Basically, it reads like a script. So when the option lapsed, I guess, at Universal or something like that, I heard that it was available. And I asked Miramax to pick it up, so they said yeah.

53:25 Adam Who's going to be Fletch?

53:26 Drew I think Jason Lee.

53:27 Adam Oh, really?

53:28 Drew That's what I'm hoping. I don't want to do it if it's not Jason Lee.

53:32 Adam And that's not your next film. That's the one after that.

53:35 Drew That's going to be the one after that. I mean, it's a comedy, and we just made a very kind of a ball. Can you say ball? Is it B? Go ahead. Balls to the Wall comedy. Right. I don't know on the show. Balls to the Wall comedy. And I just didn't want to make another one right next to it. So the next one we're going to do is kind of more along lines tonally of Chasing Amy. It's a mixture of the comedic and the dramatic. It's about fatherhood.

53:57 Adam What are your?

53:58 Caller Wow.

53:59 Drew I got a kid now, so I've got to talk about it. Who wrote it? Do you write it? I'm working on it right now. I'm about 40 pages in.

54:05 Adam This sounds like a trite question, but what are your favorite movies? What are your top five or ten?

54:11 Drew Top five is funny you should ask. JFK, Jaws, A Man for All Seasons, Do the Right Thing, The Last Temptation of Christ. Those are my top five.

54:19 Adam Yeah, that's solid.

54:21 Drew They don't really match up with the movies I make, but those are movies I like to watch.

54:25 Adam Drew, you got a top five?

54:27 Caller I've tried to go with the top five. Love and Death is my top five.

54:30 Adam Right, yeah, Woody Allen.

54:32 Drew Woody Allen.

54:32 Adam Love that one, yeah.

54:34 Drew This is an obscure Woody Allen choice. Most people would kind of whip out the old favorites like Manhattan and O'Hanlon.

54:39 Adam We're the only two guys who love Love and Death.

54:42 Caller We have found our relationship on that. We discovered that about each other. We're like, oh, okay, we'll be fine.

54:48 Adam Yeah, that is a really funny movie. And, well, you haven't seen anything that was made after 1968, have you?

54:55 Caller I haven't, I haven't.

54:56 Adam Never seen The Shining over here.

54:58 Drew Really? Still to this day? I mean, now are you just not watching it because you're willfully ignorant?

55:02 Caller Because I'm proud of it, yeah. I've not seen The Shining.

55:05 Drew It's amazing.

55:06 Adam Yeah. Jennifer, what do you got?

55:08 Caller I don't really have a list, I guess.

55:10 Caller It's hard when you really try to figure it out.

55:12 Caller Yeah, I mean, we watch like how many movies a week.

55:14 Drew Just say MyFlex and we'll be good.

55:15 Caller Oh, Clerks, and all that.

55:17 Caller Chasing Amy.

55:18 Caller I'm a good wife, aren't I?

55:19 Caller There you go.

55:21 Adam All right. Let's talk to Bobby who's 18. Bobby?

55:26 Caller Hi.

55:27 Caller I have a question for you.

55:29 Caller My glands in my pelvic area are really swollen.

55:32 Caller You mean like where your legs join your pelvis?

55:34 Caller Yeah.

55:34 Okay.

55:36 Caller When I have sex, it hurts really bad. I wanted to know if maybe it's an STD or something.

55:41 Caller It sure could be. How long have the glands been swollen?

55:44 Caller For like about a week.

55:46 Caller Yeah. I'll tell you, big bulky glands in there and pain in the lining of the vagina. You have any burning when you're not having intercourse? Do you have pain when you're not having intercourse?

55:56 Caller Yeah.

55:57 Caller A little bit. Yeah. Herpes is the most common cause of that combination.

56:02 Caller Really?

56:02 Caller Yeah.

56:03 Caller Okay.

56:04 Caller Definitely, if you're having that, a doctor needs to look at it because that's how the diagnosis is going to be made. If you have all those things present, they can see if you really have the lesions there.

56:11 But what else could it be if it wasn't?

56:13 Caller Other bacterial infections in that region can also cause similar kinds of experiences, but this needs to be dealt with right away, like tomorrow, first thing, okay?

56:21 Caller Okay.

56:22 Adam All right there, Bobby.

56:23 Caller Thank you.

56:24 Adam Kevin was looking at the ant and...

56:27 Drew I'm like, STD, whatever. We've got three ants on the console. Somebody do something before my gland swells.

56:34 Adam My other excuse for killing an insect, an ant, will be, I will label it a scout.

56:38 Caller Yes.

56:39 Drew That's my big... Cut them off of the past before the rest come.

56:42 Caller Right.

56:43 Adam I can't let them back to the truth.

56:44 Caller Right.

56:44 Caller I'll just squish them and I don't know.

56:46 Drew Can do it. Try to make peace with it. Just try to gentrify the neighborhood, get the ants away.

56:52 Adam If I knew he wasn't going to talk, I'd let him go.

56:55 Caller I can have no guarantee of that. Here's again an interesting twist in the human mind. So you can't squish an ant, but can you have the orca guy come and spray four billion of them?

57:04 Drew No, I can't. Even if it's a, I can't mandate genocide either. It still feels like killing them.

57:11 Adam I do. I throw them out, but I realize they'll soon be back in, and that's why I want to get some-

57:17 Drew They don't learn very well.

57:18 Adam I want to see-

57:19 Drew Their survival instinct is far more powerful.

57:22 Adam I would like to tag them somehow. See if I'm recapturing them.

57:28 Drew Right. A little whiteout on their tail, and you might know. It's like, there he is again.

57:32 It's Bob.

57:33 Yeah.

57:35 Adam David?

57:36 Caller Yeah.

57:36 Adam You're 19?

57:38 Caller Yeah.

57:38 Caller What's up? Whenever I masturbate, I look, I picture eight to 11-year-old girls.

57:46 Caller All right.

57:48 Caller Were you sexually abused when you were that age?

57:50 Caller Yeah.

57:50 Caller All right. Well, there you go.

57:52 Adam By a guy though, right?

57:54 Caller Yeah.

57:54 Caller Yeah. It's still, it's still, that's, they get sort of fixed in that state of development. And David, this is, this is how child abusers are born. That 60% of people who are sexually abused will then themselves abuse in some fashion.

58:07 Caller But is there like anything I can do to stop picturing them?

58:10 Caller Yeah. Get some treatment for dealing with the trauma of having had that sexual abuse and maybe you'll grow past that.

58:16 Adam Well, don't close your eyes.

58:18 Caller Yeah.

58:18 Adam I mean, you know.

58:19 Caller Or you could do what Adam says. But I do think that before you do something that harms another person, you got to get some treatment for this.

58:26 Adam All right. David?

58:27 Caller Yeah?

58:28 Adam You're not planning on acting on this, are you?

58:30 Caller No. I mean, like, whenever I see little girls walking down the street, I'll stop and give them a hug and everything.

58:37 Caller Ooh. You shouldn't be touching anybody.

58:41 Caller It's...

58:42 Adam Girls you don't know?

58:43 Caller Yeah.

58:44 Adam Oh, really?

58:45 Caller Yeah.

58:45 Adam That's a little out of bounds, don't you think?

58:47 Caller I mean, I like go up to them and say, gee, can I have a hug? And they'll go, oh, sure.

58:51 Caller Yeah. If you get yourself in some sort of bad state emotionally, that may become you going up and exposing yourself, or God knows doing what to them. And so you must stop. You must stop. Someone's going to look at that as an assault, and you're going to be in trouble. So just get some supervision.

59:07 Adam Well, David, look at it this way, too. Not only for them and, you know, future potential victims, but for you. I mean, you don't want to hurt anybody, and you don't want to spend any time in prison, right?

59:17 Caller Yeah.

59:18 Adam All right. So you got to take care of this.

59:20 Caller All right.

59:20 Adam I have an interesting plan. If he watched, let's say, geriatric porn for a while, and then slid down into the normal porn age range.

59:28 Caller With that equilibrium?

59:30 Caller Yeah.

59:30 Adam Would it seem as if he was looking at kids after watching women in their 70s and 80s?

59:34 Drew You got to masturbate on a curve, so to speak.

59:36 Adam Right.

59:36 Drew Yeah.

59:37 Adam That's all relative. All right. Get some help, please, Scott.

59:41 Drew Fast.

59:42 Adam Scott. Oh, Scott's asleep. That was fast. He can't be asleep. He's been on hold for four minutes.

59:47 Drew It's the security guard. It's the security guard.

59:49 Caller Scott.

59:50 Caller Yo.

59:50 Adam Yo.

59:51 Caller I'm not asleep.

59:52 Adam All right, Scott. What's up? 27.

59:53 Caller I wanted to ask Kevin about the people from the other movies that are going to be in Strike Back.

59:58 Drew Yes.

59:59 Caller Who's going to be in it? Like Dante, Randall?

1:00:02 Drew Yes. Brian O'Haller and Jeff Anderson, the two guys from Clerks. Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Chris Rock, Jason Lee, George Carlin, Joey Adams, playing old characters, Rene Humphreys, some. I mean, George Carlin is not playing Cardinal Glick this time out.

1:00:20 Caller It would be kind of hard.

1:00:21 Drew Yeah, it would be kind of hard. And Rock is not playing Rufus. And Ben is playing Holden, but he also plays himself in the movie.

1:00:29 Caller Yeah.

1:00:30 Drew And Mattie is not playing Loki. He plays himself.

1:00:32 Caller What about Marilyn Gaglotti?

1:00:34 Drew Marilyn, not in the picture.

1:00:35 Caller No?

1:00:36 Drew Couldn't work her in, no. Dwight Ewell who played Hooper. He's back.

1:00:41 Caller I heard Marilyn is doing a column, like a Loveline column type thing.

1:00:46 Drew Is she? Excellent for her.

1:00:48 Caller Collab Productions, yeah.

1:00:50 Drew Yes. Very cool lady.

1:00:51 Adam What did she do, cross you?

1:00:53 Drew Not at all. She was in Clerks. But there was just no way to work her character in.

1:00:58 Adam You can't put everybody in, right?

1:00:59 Drew You know, you'd like to. Look what happens.

1:01:00 Caller It couldn't be 38.

1:01:02 Adam Sure. You end up on the floor. Actually, it goes into the garbage show. It doesn't go on the floor, does it?

1:01:08 Drew No, it goes in. I mean, it's all digital, right? You have it on an Avid. So it's saved on a hard drive somewhere. Beautiful. You exist. You're still there.

1:01:16 Adam Scott?

1:01:17 Drew Yeah.

1:01:17 Caller Thanks.

1:01:19 Adam Take care of yourself.

1:01:20 Caller Sure. I'll try.

1:01:20 Drew Jason Lee too. Jason Lee is back as well.

1:01:22 Adam Scott, are you okay? How's life going?

1:01:25 Caller Man, you know, it's rough.

1:01:27 Adam Yeah.

1:01:27 Caller What's the matter?

1:01:28 Caller What's the deal? I got a girlfriend that I just turned by, you know.

1:01:32 Caller She turned by?

1:01:34 Caller She turned by, you know, with my blessing.

1:01:36 Adam Right.

1:01:37 Caller But now she's, you know, a little too into the ladies maybe.

1:01:40 Adam Right.

1:01:41 Caller You know?

1:01:41 Drew You're making this up.

1:01:43 Caller No, I swear to God, no.

1:01:44 Drew Really?

1:01:44 Caller I got vagina envy.

1:01:47 Caller Why did you bless that behavior?

1:01:49 Adam I wanted to watch.

1:01:50 Caller You know, I'm a guy.

1:01:52 Adam Right. You want to get in on it, right?

1:01:53 Caller Yeah, exactly.

1:01:55 Caller Well, there you go. There you go.

1:01:57 Caller All right. What can I do?

1:01:59 Caller You learn a little lesson. Don't do that next time.

1:02:01 Drew Love is a battlefield.

1:02:02 Caller Don't do it next time?

1:02:03 Drew And yet again, back to Benatar.

1:02:06 Caller If you want to have a monogamous relationship with someone, that's what you got to have. Or there is heartache. It doesn't work bringing other people in.

1:02:14 Drew You just brought the show down with that. It's very true sentiment, but it really brought the show down.

1:02:18 Adam Not only that, but what Benatar song is it is heartache? I don't know that one.

1:02:23 Caller I said that?

1:02:23 Adam Yeah, you said something about heartache. I don't know that. Sorry. It must be like a B side.

1:02:27 Drew We're working all Benatar this evening.

1:02:29 Caller Hell is for hell.

1:02:31 Adam Tim?

1:02:31 Caller Yeah.

1:02:32 Adam You're 32.

1:02:33 Caller Yeah. Dr. Drew, I'm going through a separation right now, and I'm trying to stay positive and stuff. She doesn't say she wants a divorce. She just wants space and stuff.

1:02:49 Caller This is your wife?

1:02:50 Caller My wife, yeah.

1:02:51 Caller How long have you been married?

1:02:53 Caller About a year now. We're coming up on our anniversary or soon.

1:02:55 Caller That's pretty. How old is she?

1:02:57 Caller She's 26.

1:02:59 Caller And you're 32?

1:03:00 Caller Yeah, I'm 32.

1:03:01 Caller What went wrong in this relationship after a year?

1:03:04 Caller Well, I'm not so sure if anything went wrong. I'm almost beginning to believe that this is like a healthy progression of the relationship.

1:03:11 Caller Asking for a divorce, not usually a great sign.

1:03:14 Drew That's not where you want to go with a relationship.

1:03:15 Caller We're not asking for a divorce. We're coming with a lot of dysfunction.

1:03:22 Caller Yeah, I'm picking up on that.

1:03:25 Caller I'm an addict. I'm a poor years queen.

1:03:27 Caller From what drug?

1:03:29 Caller The only drugs I do are coffee and cigarettes.

1:03:31 Caller No, no. What was your drug of choice? Oh, heroin.

1:03:35 Caller Anything. Yeah, I've done heroin.

1:03:38 Caller And is your wife an addict?

1:03:41 Caller Yeah, my wife is an addict and she is a... She is a... She's been... When I met her, she was using.

1:03:47 Caller Okay.

1:03:48 Caller And so, you know, she... And she was like... Like, I mean, I was a crazy person.

1:03:54 Caller Hold on. Hold on. Yeah, hold on. Did you meet her at a meeting?

1:03:59 Caller No, I met her... I met her out of school.

1:04:01 Caller Okay. And how long has she been sober?

1:04:03 Caller She's been clean a year now.

1:04:05 Caller All right. And in the course of her sobriety now, she's decided this relationship is not for her.

1:04:11 Caller I think she's taken the separation to decide if it is.

1:04:15 Caller All right. You know what? Okay, listen. What you said about the relationship, Miss May being a healthy part of the relationship, may be true. This could be right. Because the difficult part about that first year of sobriety is whoever you were involved with when you entered sobriety keeps you fixed as the person who started in sobriety. It doesn't let you grow in whatever direction you need to grow to develop in sobriety. So this might be a good thing. You're right. She may decide, jeez, this is the relationship I want to come back, but it's very risky. I agree.

1:04:45 Caller Okay.

1:04:46 Adam This is her idea, right?

1:04:47 Caller Well, like for Kevin and Jennifer, you do shoots and stuff and you're out, you're taking those natural separations. Well, we don't have that ability because of our finances and stuff. When you take a separation, you go off on a shoot or something and then you come back, does it feel like it strengthens the relationship?

1:05:10 Drew We're never apart. Yeah, we're never really apart. I mean, we've only been married two years and changed and then we worked on the last movie together all the time. But I'm not one of those people that feels like absence makes the heart.

1:05:20 Caller I agree with you. I think small separations can be good for each of the individuals. Yeah, for them to focus on themselves, but it doesn't do much for their relationship.

1:05:28 Drew No, no, no.

1:05:29 Caller Relationship needs lots of time and lots of connection. But Tim, this is a different situation. She is in the process of recovering from an illness. And if her sponsor agrees with this?

1:05:40 Caller I don't get into her program.

1:05:42 Caller But I imagine-

1:05:43 Caller I got into her program when we were first getting clean. But-

1:05:47 Caller We were first getting clean. I thought you were sober for years.

1:05:49 Caller When she was first getting clean. Yeah, I'm clean.

1:05:51 Adam Tim, this is her idea, right?

1:05:53 Caller What? Getting clean?

1:05:54 Caller No. That's funny.

1:05:56 Adam This is like the third time I'm asking this.

1:05:59 Caller Oh, I didn't hear you.

1:05:59 Adam I'm sorry. She wanted the separation, right?

1:06:03 Caller Yeah, she wanted the separation.

1:06:05 Adam Right.

1:06:05 Caller Okay. Adam, I think you're much better than Ricky Rachman.

1:06:11 Adam Thanks.

1:06:12 Caller Tim, it's all going to work out. This has to happen. So sit tight and you got to work on your maybe get your connection strengthened with other people. Get you go with a sponsor again, go to more meetings.

1:06:22 Adam And Tim.

1:06:23 Caller I've been doing that.

1:06:24 Caller Go to Salonon.

1:06:25 Caller I'm really not dysfunctional.

1:06:29 Adam You sound a little freaked out. Tell you the truth. And it sounds like you're in a certain amount of denial here.

1:06:36 Caller Denial about what?

1:06:37 Adam About the separation. About the potential.

1:06:40 Caller I'm trying to keep an optimistic point of view, you know, but.

1:06:43 Adam That's fine, but not a BS point of view.

1:06:46 Caller Right.

1:06:47 Caller Right. All right.

1:06:48 Adam Take care of yourself, all right? I don't get back on anything, right?

1:06:52 Caller I'm not going to.

1:06:53 Adam All right. Good times.

1:06:55 Drew Sober living.

1:06:56 Adam All right there, Tim.

1:06:57 Drew For a minute, I thought he was going to wait. He was like, I'd like to ask Kevin and Jennifer when they kick smack. I don't know how I was going to work into that equation.

1:07:05 Adam Well, I guess he just, him and his wife just shoot locally or something.

1:07:08 Caller They don't ever.

1:07:10 Caller This is a very complicated situation.

1:07:12 Adam It is. Tim's got some energy.

1:07:15 Drew When the party is over, kind of a days of wine and roses affair.

1:07:19 Caller But when you're getting clean, aren't you supposed to wait a certain amount of time?

1:07:22 Caller Before you make a major decision? One year. It's been one year for her.

1:07:25 Caller Become involved in a relationship or?

1:07:27 Caller Yeah. But they were already involved.

1:07:29 Caller Right. It doesn't apply to their situation, but in general, you're supposed to wait like a year before you become intimately involved with someone else.

1:07:35 Caller Absolutely. I can't tell you how many recoveries I've seen destroyed by new relationships. That's the most frequent reason people go down.

1:07:41 Caller Why is that?

1:07:43 Caller It basically pulls. Relationships bring out the sickest part of who we are as humans. It really does. It just does.

1:07:49 Drew I've got to go home with this lady tonight, man.

1:07:51 Caller Especially if you have a delicate growth process under way and you escape out of that into an old pattern of relationship. It pulls you back to the person, the template you were before you started recovery. What they would tell something like this is don't make any decisions for a year. Just focus on your recovery. Well, it's been a year now. She's making some decisions.

1:08:11 Drew But also too, you get involved in a relationship. Relationship winds up busting up. Suddenly, you're dealing with emotional heartbreak and you race back to whatever it is.

1:08:18 Caller Oh, absolutely. That's part of the reason people react.

1:08:20 Drew Big bad reason.

1:08:22 Caller Crystal?

1:08:25 Caller I have a problem and I want to say something to Kevin Smith.

1:08:28 Adam All right. You're 15. Go ahead.

1:08:30 Caller OK. At the end of Dogma, it said that you'll be back with Clerks 2.

1:08:36 Drew Yes.

1:08:37 Caller Are you still going to do that?

1:08:38 Drew Is that your problem?

1:08:39 Caller Well, no. I wanted to ask you that because I'm a really big fan.

1:08:42 Drew Oh, awesome. Yeah, we were initially going to make Clerks 2. We wanted to make a movie that kind of closed out the movies we've done so far, which we called the first, it was the Jersey Trilogy and then it became the Jersey Chronicles because we made more than three, and that we wanted to end it. And so we were going to bookend the series of flicks. We started with Clerks and we're going to end with Clerks. But it just felt like Clerks was its own kind of unique little black and white messed up little thing. And just didn't want to futz with that, go back and do a color version or just retell that story more or less. Because what are you going to do? The guys are still working at the store. Right. No new info. So that's when I kind of shifted the thought pattern, moved toward making Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back instead. Decided like, here's a guy who's been in movies, all the movies we've done. Let's just put them front and center.

1:09:32 Caller Okay. Also, I had sex with my best friend.

1:09:37 Adam Right.

1:09:38 Caller And he hasn't called me and it's like not normal for him not to call me because it's like we'd always be together, but now it's just like it's weird with him.

1:09:47 Adam You like him though, right?

1:09:48 Caller Yeah.

1:09:49 Adam You've always liked him?

1:09:50 Caller No, I haven't had like feelings for him until we had sex.

1:09:55 Caller Right.

1:09:56 Adam Really? So you were just best friends and you didn't have feelings for him?

1:09:59 Caller No, but we like flirt and stuff and then it just kind of just went off.

1:10:03 Caller He had feelings for her though, I suspect. At least he wanted to have sex with her.

1:10:06 Adam He would have called by now though.

1:10:08 Caller It didn't turn out the way he wanted it.

1:10:09 Adam How long have you been best friends with him?

1:10:11 Caller For like a year, because I just moved here and he was like my friend and then we became best friends.

1:10:19 Adam Alright, you want us to talk to him?

1:10:22 Caller Huh?

1:10:22 Adam You want us to talk to him?

1:10:24 Caller No.

1:10:24 Adam No? Why not? We get to the bottom of this.

1:10:28 Caller Because I think I might have ruined the relationship between us.

1:10:32 Adam By sleeping with him?

1:10:34 Caller Yeah.

1:10:35 Adam I don't think so.

1:10:36 Caller It doesn't make much sense to us. We would really need to talk to him to know what's going on.

1:10:40 Caller Who initiated it? Did you make the moves or did he make the moves?

1:10:45 Caller We kind of both just did it.

1:10:49 Adam Do you want to be boyfriend with him? Boyfriend, girlfriend?

1:10:51 Caller No. I just want us to be friends again.

1:10:54 Adam Why not though? If you're physically attracted to him and he's your best friend.

1:10:58 Caller I don't know. I'd like us to be friends. Just call me at least.

1:11:04 Caller Did it go well or did something happen that...

1:11:08 Caller Did it go well? Why don't you call him?

1:11:13 Caller Because it's so weird.

1:11:14 Caller Maybe that's why he's not calling you.

1:11:16 Caller Just call him.

1:11:17 Caller Yeah.

1:11:18 Caller Okay.

1:11:18 Caller Yeah, just call him.

1:11:19 Caller And just confront the situation.

1:11:20 Drew I've got the perfect idea. Call him, take him on a movie date, see Jay and Silent Bob Strike.

1:11:24 Caller Hey, Ann, get her phone number. Let's find out what happened with this.

1:11:27 Caller Okay.

1:11:28 Adam Are you sure you don't like the guy? I mean, as a boyfriend.

1:11:31 Caller She does.

1:11:32 Adam As a boyfriend.

1:11:33 Caller Well, kind of.

1:11:35 Caller Yeah, you do.

1:11:35 Caller Of course you do.

1:11:36 Adam But why can't you admit that, though? I mean, why are you having so much trouble with that?

1:11:39 Caller I don't know.

1:11:40 Adam Because you don't want to be disappointed?

1:11:43 Drew Swallow a little bit of that 15-year-old pride, give the guy a shout.

1:11:47 Adam Yeah.

1:11:47 Caller Yeah, he's probably going through the same thing.

1:11:49 Drew He loves you.

1:11:50 Caller It may not be. That may be why she's having such a tough time dealing with it. Yeah, that's what people do when they don't want to really admit to themselves or the other person how they're really feeling, because they don't want the other person not to reciprocate. They have a sense they won't be reciprocated.

1:12:04 Caller But isn't it better to just call in and confront the situation and be honest, and if he's not into her, then she knows and can move on?

1:12:10 Caller Yes.

1:12:11 Caller And that's at Home in Wonder.

1:12:12 Adam Yeah, I mean logically.

1:12:13 Drew I mean you both go see Jane's home.

1:12:15 Adam Right. That'll be out the 20th.

1:12:19 Caller Kevin really has changed.

1:12:20 Drew Four years. I just feel that could help.

1:12:22 Caller Little success.

1:12:23 Drew It's a relationship picture. It's about two guys. I'm just here to pimp my picture and help people out.

1:12:29 Adam And it's not a, you know, it's not Reds. It's not a long movie. It's about two and a half minutes shorter than I'd initially planned.

1:12:37 Actually.

1:12:38 Adam We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back. Hey, it's Loveline, everybody. Kevin and Jennifer are both here from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, which is out a week from this Friday. That is August 24th, everybody. Tons of celebrities, good reviews, and good, funny, lighthearted movie.

1:13:31 Drew Lots to talk about sex.

1:13:33 Adam And you should definitely see it.

1:13:34 Drew It's cynical, but still, it's a lot of talk.

1:13:36 Adam Kaz, hey. Hey, you're 19. What's up?

1:13:39 Caller Hey, I wanted to say to Kevin Smith, you are to me what Richard Linklater was to you 10 years ago.

1:13:46 Drew Oh, that's very sweet.

1:13:47 Caller Yeah. And so I wanted to ask you, is it worth it to become a filmmaker?

1:13:52 Drew Is it worth it? Judging by the looks of the lady sitting in my right, yes. Really? Oh, God, yeah. And I would have never met her had I not become a filmmaker, because they don't send journalists from USA Today to interview guys working at the quick stop in New Jersey.

1:14:07 Adam Right.

1:14:08 Drew I did that for a few years, waited for that interview and never happened. Never did? Never. Just waited for them to come to the door.

1:14:14 Adam Not a full page, but it's certainly a piece with stuff.

1:14:16 Drew Not even in the column, not even up and coming. No, we sold USA Today quite a few copies, but nobody ever came to interview me. Yeah, I'd say it's absolutely worth it. It's a communications medium, so if you're lucky, it's you throwing your message out in the void and seeing your response to it, and building an audience off of that. There's nothing better than being able to tell stories for a living, make pretend for a living. There's a part of you that doesn't have to grow up.

1:14:43 Caller Oh, and I also wanted to ask you, because I've got to know, what do you think of the new Star Wars title?

1:14:48 Drew It doesn't bother me that much. A lot of people on the internet seem really bugged by it. What is it? It's called the Episode 2, The Attack of the Clones, or I threw in the, it's just Attack of the Clones.

1:14:58 Caller Weren't there petitions online to-

1:15:00 Drew Yeah, people are trying to change it already. But people said the same thing about Fan of Menace as well, when that title came out. But at the end of the day, nobody refers that movie as Fan of Menace, they just call it Episode 1. Same thing here, they won't call it Attack of the Clones, they'll just call it Episode 2.

1:15:14 Adam Are you a big Star Trek fan?

1:15:16 Drew Star Wars?

1:15:16 Adam I mean, the Star Wars? Sorry.

1:15:17 Drew Yeah, I guess I've been tagged as that. We reference those movies a lot.

1:15:22 Caller We have Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher in the movie.

1:15:24 Drew Yeah, Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher in this movie.

1:15:26 Adam And were you disappointed in The Phantom Menace?

1:15:29 Drew No, I actually liked it. I was one of those cats that really dug it. I didn't go in with high expectations. Because I'm no longer 9, 10 years old. By the time the movie came out, I was like 28, 29. And I just assumed that it wouldn't affect me the way it did when I was a kid. I think a lot of people went to see that movie thinking, I'm going to be blown away just like when I was a kid. And it will be my brand new mythology. And those movies are kind of aimed squarely at kids.

1:15:54 Adam When's the next one come out?

1:15:57 Drew Next summer.

1:15:58 Adam Oh, really?

1:15:58 Drew It's May, May of next year, 2002. Oh, I'm pimping that guy's movie. I should be pimping my own. But yeah.

1:16:05 Adam August 24th, by the way. This one, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and The Love. Hey, Panny?

1:16:11 Drew This is muttered a plug.

1:16:14 Adam Our kids know. You're 19?

1:16:17 Caller Yes.

1:16:17 Caller What's up?

1:16:19 Caller Yeah. I'm having a problem with my partner. Every time we have sex, I end up spotting and bleeding really bad.

1:16:28 Caller Are you on the pill?

1:16:29 Caller No, I'm not on nothing.

1:16:32 Caller Right. So have you had a pelvic exam recently? No. Okay. Why don't you get checked out?

1:16:38 Caller I went to the doctor, but he told me everything was fine.

1:16:42 Caller So you had a pelvic exam? Yeah.

1:16:44 Caller Well, I had a pap smear done and everything. And it came out okay.

1:16:48 Caller Let me reiterate. Pelvic exam is what the doctor does to get the pap smear. Okay. So you just had one of those?

1:16:55 Caller Yeah.

1:16:56 Caller How long ago?

1:16:57 Caller About a month ago.

1:16:59 Caller Okay. Some people bleed every time they have sex.

1:17:01 Caller Some women.

1:17:03 Adam I don't, but I have a picture of Christ in a little bloody teardrop.

1:17:07 Caller He cries. He's not bleeding. But Patty.

1:17:10 Adam It's distracting. It's at the point where I turn it over.

1:17:12 Caller Again, Patty, some women bleed every time they have sex.

1:17:16 Caller Because I probably figured maybe it's because he's big, but-

1:17:20 Caller Patty?

1:17:21 Adam Well, that could help, right?

1:17:23 Caller No.

1:17:23 Adam No? Not a factor?

1:17:24 Caller No, not a factor.

1:17:26 Caller Okay. I have another question. Sometimes when we do have sex, I never get to my point and the next day I wake up really swollen and in pain.

1:17:37 Caller Huh.

1:17:38 Adam Right. But that's not because you didn't have an orgasm.

1:17:41 Caller But could it be because of the it's too rough or?

1:17:46 Caller Yeah. Too long, too rough. That's what that's from. It's not like you wake up with blue balls.

1:17:51 Drew Oh. Again, you could say that on the show?

1:17:53 Adam I guess. We're not quite sure.

1:17:55 Caller Seven words you can't say.

1:17:56 Caller Right. Right.

1:17:57 Caller S, P, C, F. I'm keeping a running count.

1:18:00 Adam Hey, Patty?

1:18:01 Caller Yes.

1:18:01 Adam This guy sounds like he's being a little bit rough.

1:18:04 Caller Yeah. He is. But in a way, I like it. But there's times where it's too painful.

1:18:11 Adam All right. Well, why don't you tell him to slow down a little bit?

1:18:14 Caller Okay.

1:18:15 Adam Can you do that?

1:18:17 Caller Yeah. But I feel maybe he'll probably just say like, okay, fine then. Because he's a real sensitive person.

1:18:24 Caller Patty, you're afraid, how sensitive and great a guy can this be, that you're afraid that if you tell him he's hurting you, he's going to like leave? Give me a break. Why do women think like that?

1:18:34 Adam Did she say that? Was that what you said, Patty?

1:18:37 Caller In a way. Maybe he'll probably just tell me, okay, then fine, we won't do anything no more.

1:18:43 Adam He'll cut you off?

1:18:44 Caller Yeah. Just stop talking to me.

1:18:46 Adam How old is he?

1:18:47 Caller He's 20.

1:18:48 Adam He's not going to cut you off. Oh, I've got to criticize my love making. We'll see how you like it when I don't give it to you anymore, honey. Yeah, women really respond to that. No guy's ever done that. He's not going to cut you off sexually. You understand? Tell them what you want.

1:19:04 Caller Is that women thinking like the men elect women? That if somebody insulted them, they go, forget it then.

1:19:11 Drew After this evening, I'm convinced there are very few sexual problems in the world. There are just a lot of communication problems. People just don't talk to each other. If people learn that just by communication, you get your point across, you'll be a happier person than like Pat Benatar once saying, we would be invincible.

1:19:28 Caller He's been looking for a way to work that in.

1:19:31 Adam I got to get on the Internet. Next? Yeah. I'm going to find something here. Yeah. That's right. I could just critique my love making, will you? Well, perhaps a couple of weeks without my penis, and you'll teach you a good lesson. And no BJs in the interim either. Thank you.

1:19:47 Drew That'll learn you.

1:19:48 Adam That's right. Keep going because I'm going to cut the handies off in a second. Han?

1:19:56 Yes.

1:19:56 Adam You're 22?

1:19:57 Caller Yes.

1:19:57 Adam Where are you from?

1:19:58 Caller I'm from Sacramento.

1:20:00 Adam All right. What kind of name is that Han?

1:20:02 Caller My mom was really into Star Wars.

1:20:05 Adam Oh, really?

1:20:05 Caller Yeah.

1:20:06 Drew You were named at your...

1:20:07 Caller Hans?

1:20:08 Drew Are you a girl or a boy?

1:20:10 Caller I'm a girl. I'm a woman.

1:20:11 Drew You sound like a girl, but Han was a boy in the movie, if I remember correctly.

1:20:15 Caller Yeah, I know.

1:20:16 Adam OK. Here we go.

1:20:16 Drew Thank God she wasn't a fan of Chewie, huh?

1:20:19 Caller Yeah, really.

1:20:21 Adam So what's the question?

1:20:22 Caller Well, my boyfriend of four years confessed to me that he had a wet dream about my mother.

1:20:31 Caller Oh, really?

1:20:32 Caller Yeah.

1:20:32 Adam That big Star Wars fan.

1:20:35 Caller Was it a confession or were just like, oh my God, you never believe how he freaked out by it?

1:20:40 Caller Well, one night, he woke up in the morning and he shot me, and I woke up and I was all wet. And I was like, oh.

1:20:46 Caller You what?

1:20:47 Caller I was wet. He shot me. He ejaculated on me.

1:20:51 Adam Sure, because I'll oftentimes nudge my girlfriend to wake her up. But if she doesn't go, then she gets the shot. That's right.

1:20:59 Drew Sorry, honey. You didn't wake up.

1:21:00 Adam That's right.

1:21:01 Drew You mean he had a shot in the back, no less.

1:21:03 Caller He had a wet frame. Is that what you mean?

1:21:05 Caller Yes.

1:21:05 Caller OK.

1:21:06 Caller And so I woke up and I asked him because I thought it was about me. And, you know, when he dreams about me like that, I like to hear about it.

1:21:13 Caller Sure.

1:21:14 Caller Well, but then he was like, are you sure you want to know? And that should have been clue number one, that I didn't ask him to go any further.

1:21:20 Caller But it wasn't. I did.

1:21:21 Caller In what universe does that stop someone?

1:21:25 Adam Right. So you dreamt about your mom?

1:21:27 Caller Yeah.

1:21:27 Caller And he said that I was there like egging him on.

1:21:30 Drew In the dream?

1:21:31 Caller Yes. In his dream. Right. And that was really bizarre to me. And it just makes me feel all weird and yuck.

1:21:37 Drew Is your mom young or old?

1:21:39 Caller She looks really great. She's 54, but she looks really good.

1:21:43 Caller But wet dreams can be very random. I mean, it could be Jabba the Hutt, you know, it could be Keeping In Theme, which is her brother's name, by the way.

1:21:54 Adam And he was a very honest guy.

1:21:56 Caller Absolutely.

1:21:57 Drew I just would have been like, oh, is it you? Is it all you? And we were somewhere wild and kinky.

1:22:01 Caller It almost makes me wonder if he had a plan afoot here that he'd specifically.

1:22:06 Drew He's like, how do I get out of this? All right, I'll tell her. There's her mother, the art of my wet dream.

1:22:09 Caller Yeah, I'll put her off, yeah.

1:22:11 Adam You think he's trying to send some sort of message or get some distance?

1:22:14 Caller It's almost too diabolical.

1:22:15 Adam Did you freak out at all?

1:22:17 Caller I did.

1:22:17 Adam You did? And what happened?

1:22:19 Caller I just kind of looked at him and then just, ew, ew, ew, I don't ever want to think about that again. Right.

1:22:27 Adam And you went to the next room dragging the comforter from your back, right?

1:22:31 Caller No, actually, I did get up out of the wet spot, though, but I left him in the blanket.

1:22:35 Adam Okay. All right. And everything okay other than this?

1:22:41 Caller Well, yeah.

1:22:43 Caller Are you holding it against him?

1:22:44 Caller No, I'm not. I'm not. It just it still makes me feel weird, though.

1:22:48 Adam I mean, you know, you're did you ask him to explain it all? I mean, did he did he give you an answer?

1:22:54 Caller Or did you just run out screaming?

1:22:58 Caller No, I didn't ask him to explain it. I pretty much ran out screaming.

1:23:01 Drew Has he been especially chatty with your mother since then?

1:23:05 Caller You know what? He and my mother are really close. They're very close. They are closer than I am with either one of them.

1:23:12 Drew Really?

1:23:12 Caller Wow, that's weird.

1:23:13 Caller See, but my mom is all weird about sex. She's like...

1:23:18 Drew Hopefully, particularly with your boyfriend.

1:23:20 Caller Yeah, I hope so.

1:23:20 Caller Your mom what? Your mom what?

1:23:22 Caller My mom is just... She's really like anti-sex. It's dirty, it's bad, it's, you know.

1:23:29 Drew Well, it is.

1:23:30 Adam Right.

1:23:31 Drew That's what my mom told me.

1:23:32 Adam Meanwhile, she's being raped by your boyfriend. She doesn't even know it.

1:23:35 Caller Oh, that's horrid.

1:23:36 Adam Well, it's true.

1:23:37 Caller That is so horrid.

1:23:38 Adam All right. All right. Hey, why don't you, why don't you boff her dad next time you go to bed? I mean, in your dreams. His dad. Just sort of, yeah, his dad, sorry. Not your dad. To pay him back. Can you do that?

1:23:52 Caller No, because then that would just do. No. I don't want to do that.

1:23:55 Adam All right. Is this guy all right other than this?

1:23:59 Caller We have some communication issues, but we're working on it. Mostly we're both young.

1:24:03 Adam Yeah. He seems, like I said, this is a very honest, forthright guy. He's telling you what he did to your mom, for Christ's sake. How long is it, Drew, before a guy should really learn to lie in a relationship? You know what I mean?

1:24:17 Caller Well, studies suggest generally about 38 minutes in.

1:24:21 Caller Right. All right.

1:24:22 Adam And not lying, like, you know.

1:24:24 Drew Where is this data from the study? I think people have tested the condoms.

1:24:27 Caller That's right. You should not be lying in relationships.

1:24:29 Adam But I don't mean real lies.

1:24:30 Caller You mean preserving people's feelings.

1:24:32 Adam I mean the kind of lie, like, you know, you go to the DMV and they go, this car hasn't been registered in six months. Have you been driving it? And you go, would that be good? Should I have been driving it?

1:24:45 Drew That's not really a lie. It's like you testing the waters.

1:24:48 Caller Yeah.

1:24:48 Adam It's like you feel it out. Whatever's going to be the easiest and the cheapest. Let's go.

1:24:52 Drew What should I say?

1:24:53 Caller Yeah.

1:24:53 Adam What's the best? I could have. I don't know.

1:24:56 Drew Right. I don't know if that would have applied to this situation. She's like the wet dream. Who was in it? You know, you don't go like, would it be bad if it was your mom? That kind of thing.

1:25:04 Adam Right. You probably don't get those options.

1:25:05 Drew I can't believe the dude that's flat out said it was your mother.

1:25:08 Adam Yeah.

1:25:09 Drew Really? I don't think that I would be like, I don't know if I would want to comp to that because, yeah, I wouldn't expect hostility, but at the same time, it's like, did she really need to know that preserving her feelings, as Dr. Drew just said, it's not really a lie. He could have just been like, yeah, I don't know, I don't remember.

1:25:25 Adam Yeah. It's a deletion of truth.

1:25:27 Caller So you're discouraging.

1:25:29 Caller They're going to fight.

1:25:30 Drew Am I discourting? No, no.

1:25:31 Adam Okay, so I'm going to turn the hose on you. We'll take a little break. We'll be right back.

1:25:37 Caller Loveline, Loveline, we'll be right back.

1:26:12 Adam Hey, it's Loveline, everybody. I'm Adam. That's Drew. Phone number. Oh, forget about that. Kevin Smith and Jennifer Schwalbach are both here. They're a married couple. Kevin wrote, directed, and stars in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. And that will be out August the 24th. Kevin and Jennifer are back in the studio. And let's hop back on the phones and speak to Jeff who's 20. What's up, Jeff?

1:26:44 Caller You're right about those PSAs. Those things are retarded. Right. I got a question for Kevin. I'm a writer. Well, a tipie to be. A question about how the best way to get my foot in the door, how to get my scripts out there and look at them. If you gave me any advice, it would be great.

1:27:03 Drew Well, I could give you the advice, the path I took, because I don't know any other way. Wrote a script and made the movie of said script. And that was Clerks. Shattered for like 28 grand, 27, 575. And that kind of got me noticed, because I don't know any other way.

1:27:18 Caller Where do you get the money for that?

1:27:20 Drew Credit cards. I'm sorry, what? About 10 credit cards? Dr. Drew asked me, where do I got the money? But yeah, that's the way I know. Some people write scripts and send them to agents, hoping that agents will read them and kind of take them on as clients. That, based on any conversation I've ever had with an agent, that doesn't really happen very well.

1:27:39 Caller How did you go about financing the first one? Because I've been thinking about that, too. Doing a couple of shorts, kind of get my name out there.

1:27:46 Drew My feeling about shorts, and this is just my personal theory, shorts don't really let anyone know whether you can tell a full story or not. Making a short says, hey, I can make a very short subject. Carrying a feature is a whole different thing. If you're going to do it, go the distance, 90 minutes. I mean, you can do it on DV now. You can rent any number of, there's high definition video you can work on. But you don't have to spend a lot of money anymore to make a movie. You can do it rather cheaply.

1:28:17 Adam Hey Jeff, and you're asking, he already answered how we financed it.

1:28:21 Caller Right.

1:28:22 Adam Right.

1:28:24 Caller Yeah.

1:28:25 Adam Yeah.

1:28:25 Drew A lot of drugs.

1:28:26 Caller Okay.

1:28:26 Adam All right.

1:28:27 Caller All right. Thanks a lot.

1:28:27 Adam Take care of yourself.

1:28:28 Caller You too.

1:28:29 Adam Yeah. A lot of agents don't even read the scripts, right? I mean, they don't even want to open them up because there's like liability.

1:28:35 Drew There is. People send scripts to our office too, and we just don't open them, we send them back. Because if you receive their script and one day something shows up even remotely close and something you do to something that somebody else wrote and one day sent you, that's an instant lawsuit.

1:28:51 Adam It happened to me with Coming to America.

1:28:53 Drew You were that guy? Behind that hole in the back?

1:28:55 Adam I wrote it and then I-

1:28:57 Drew I remember that story.

1:28:58 Adam I sent it over to-

1:28:59 Drew I thought it was Art Buchwald.

1:29:00 Adam I sent it to Art Buchwald and then he sent it to Eddie Murphy. Yeah, that's what it- you know, we got screwed. It never showed a profit. Mike? Okay, what was your question now? Mike? Oh, Mike, you there? You're 19?

1:29:15 Caller What was that?

1:29:16 Drew He was listening to another show.

1:29:18 Adam He was doing his own radio show.

1:29:19 Drew He put you on to another show.

1:29:20 Caller He's there, isn't he, Mike?

1:29:21 Caller I was wondering if you should just leave her or stay with her.

1:29:24 Adam Mike?

1:29:26 Caller Mike?

1:29:27 Adam Yes, you have a question?

1:29:29 Caller Yeah, I was wondering, well, I got a girlfriend, but she's a friend. I was wondering, because she acts weird, I thought I'd do it.

1:29:38 Adam Okay, leave her. There we go. Once in a while, you play a hunch.

1:29:41 Drew See, that should be the whole show. The whole show should be a one-word answer to their question.

1:29:45 Adam Right. Here we go. Let's try it again. Hey, Joe? Yeah? Keep her. Marry this one. All right? All right. All right. Where the hell is Joe? Joe?

1:29:55 Caller Hello?

1:29:56 Adam Yeah, what's your question?

1:29:57 Caller Yeah, I want to know what's up with community colleges because I'm going to be a senior and I'm freaking out about graduation and where I'm going to be going to college and stuff.

1:30:08 Adam Right.

1:30:08 Caller My ACT score was a 14, and I did really horrible on pre-ACT. And I also want to say, Kevin Smith.

1:30:16 Drew Yes.

1:30:17 Caller I love your movies.

1:30:18 Drew Thank you.

1:30:18 Caller You're my favorite writer-director.

1:30:19 Drew Thank you.

1:30:20 Caller And I love Mallrats.

1:30:21 Drew Thanks.

1:30:22 Caller I really think that you guys should have put that out as a sequel.

1:30:25 Drew Do a sequel to Mallrats?

1:30:27 Caller Yeah, I know that.

1:30:27 Adam We did.

1:30:28 Drew It's called Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.

1:30:30 Caller August 24th.

1:30:30 Drew August 24th, yes.

1:30:32 Adam Later near you.

1:30:33 Caller And I can't wait to see that movie.

1:30:35 Caller Joe, you said ECT scores?

1:30:37 Caller ACT.

1:30:38 Adam What is that? Is that like SAT?

1:30:41 Caller That's what it stands for.

1:30:42 Caller All right.

1:30:42 Adam Is a 14 good or bad out of a possible, what, 1,600? No.

1:30:47 Caller If it was 1,600, it'd be really bad, but it's out of like a 40 or something.

1:30:52 Adam All right. That's still bad.

1:30:54 Caller Yes.

1:30:54 Adam Okay. So you're not going to go off to a major college.

1:30:58 Caller No. Actually, I'm thinking about just going to a party school because I want to be an entertainer.

1:31:02 Adam All right. What do you want to do?

1:31:04 Caller I really love performing and just making people laugh. And I can act. I can write musically. And I'm like in the midst of writing a script.

1:31:13 Adam Okay. So don't waste your time. Make a movie. Or get booked on a cruise ship or something. They book riders on cruise ships. I haven't been on one in a while.

1:31:23 Drew Yeah. There's a buffet and some guy sits on stage and composes a sonnet. Writes a few pages of a script.

1:31:29 Adam All right, Joe.

1:31:30 Caller Okay.

1:31:30 Adam Thank you.

1:31:31 Caller Look.

1:31:32 Adam Don't waste time in school. All right?

1:31:34 Caller Okay.

1:31:34 Adam All right.

1:31:35 Drew It's that or shuffleboard.

1:31:36 Adam Mike?

1:31:37 Caller Yeah.

1:31:37 Adam You're 17?

1:31:38 Caller Yeah.

1:31:39 Adam What's up?

1:31:40 Caller Hey.

1:31:40 Adam Hey.

1:31:41 Caller Yeah. Hey. I got a question for Kevin.

1:31:44 Adam Here he is.

1:31:45 Caller Awesome. All right. Kevin?

1:31:47 Drew Yes.

1:31:48 Caller Here's like the thing.

1:31:49 Drew Yes.

1:31:50 Caller Like, I want to be a filmmaker.

1:31:52 Drew Yes.

1:31:53 Caller And it's like, I feel like, okay, like I'm 17. I feel like, all right, I'm almost going to be like an adult and I should like already know how to do something.

1:32:01 Drew Oh, heavens no. But I don't know how to do a damn thing. No, no, not at all. I didn't learn. I'm 31 and I made five movies, still don't know a damn thing about the process. There's plenty of time. Do it while you're young, especially.

1:32:13 Caller Where do you learn it?

1:32:14 Drew Where do you learn doing this? Some people go to school to do it, you know, go to like a USC or an NYU or a smaller school that has a film program. And I always found it best to kind of learn as you do. I went to four months at a school called the Vancouver Film School in British Columbia and didn't learn anything except that I didn't want to be in film school. And where I learned and where you continue to learn is just by practice. Get your hands on a camera if you can or make friends with somebody who is going to a film school and they have access to cameras.

1:32:44 Caller Do you know any good schools in Michigan? Because I need to pick a school. I've got to go to college and stuff.

1:32:52 Drew Where in Michigan are you near Ann Arbor? Because I know there's lots of great schools there.

1:32:56 Caller Sort of near Ann Arbor. I'm really near Detroit, but I could do that.

1:33:01 Caller Wouldn't you agree? Just get the best, broadest education you can? Because your experience of life and your understanding of life can be more impactful on what you create anyway.

1:33:09 Drew Yeah, to some degree. It depends. I mean, my feeling on filmmaking or in terms of like being a writer-director is nobody can really teach you to write in school. You either can or you can't. It's just something you're kind of born with. And directing, you can go to school and kind of learn how to shoot different angles or any number of technical aspects to filmmaking. But when directing, for me, comes down to communication, like any communicative thought to your cast or your crew and so that they can help you bring it to life. And that's something either you do well or you don't do it all. They can't teach you that in school either.

1:33:45 Adam I had a wonderful experience on the set with Kevin. You know what you guys did to me?

1:33:52 Drew Which was?

1:33:52 Adam Which was, I was doing a thing where I was talking on the phone to an imaginary person. And here's, I know we're running late on time, but this happens to me over and over again. Which is, the person I'm supposed to be speaking to.

1:34:06 Drew Who was Will Ferrell?

1:34:07 Adam Was Will Ferrell? Who was obviously a male.

1:34:10 Drew Yes, and you were talking to...

1:34:11 Adam So what they did is they gave a female the script and had her read the male lines.

1:34:15 Drew That was Hillary, she was the script supervisor.

1:34:17 Adam And Hillary, although Hillary had the script on her lap was having some difficulty getting through the script, she flubbed more of her lines than I was flubbing of my lines. She was trying to memorize the lines.

1:34:27 Drew And eventually you got very diva-like. You were like, can I have a male read that part, please?

1:34:31 Adam It's disconcerting when you're going, dude, I'm going to kick your ass. And there's some woman in her 40s sitting on an apple crate five feet away.

1:34:40 Drew People were calling you Val Kilmer after that.

1:34:42 Caller That's again that method, method, method.

1:34:45 Drew Stanislavski, yeah, you're not.

1:34:47 Caller Craft, you apply, it's beautiful.

1:34:49 Adam Just want the right gender.

1:34:50 Caller Yeah.

1:34:50 Drew All right, we'll take a break. Hero man in your head.

1:34:53 Caller You know what I'm saying, I'm dead?

1:34:55 Caller Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline.

1:35:25 Adam Well, that about does it. I want to thank Jennifer and Kevin for coming in here tonight. And again, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, which is out August 24th.

1:35:36 Caller And then we discovered that Adam was cut out of the film, and he was cut out because he tested poorly.

1:35:41 Drew Tested poorly. Tested audience was like, him? I can see him on TV. Listen on the radio. Give me some of that I can't see.

1:35:49 Adam Yeah. Yeah. We don't buy him wearing long sleeves.

1:35:53 Drew But on DVD, you'll be the Mac, the hero.

1:35:56 Adam Oh, I will be first in line to get that DVD.

1:35:59 Drew They'll send you a free one, I think.

1:36:00 Adam Oh, really?

1:36:01 Drew I think. I'll make sure. I mean, after the horror of getting cut, I'll make sure you get put on the short list.

1:36:06 Adam That'll be great.

1:36:07 Drew Send this guy a DVD because I know he's really troubled.

1:36:09 Adam Well, like I said, I usually don't make a big deal out of it, but after all the response I got on wearing that jacket, I was really-

1:36:17 Drew You're like, I did something pretty good.

1:36:19 Adam Walk around like a peacock with that date on and then the grip broke the news to me. All right. That is it. Thanks for listening, everybody. Until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:36:33 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff management sponsors for this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, August 14, 2001