Episode 1000754886899

1:08 Voiceover Loveline, coast to coast.

1:10 Voiceover Um, hey, hey, hey, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191, Dr. Drew, board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Tonight, Eddie Kaye Thomas and Sean Maguire are both here from Off Center. This is a new show on WB, 9 o'clock on Sunday nights. And I've not seen the show yet, I got to be honest. But I have a good excuse because we work Sunday night, so we're not at home at 9 o'clock. Tivo like baby. We're usually just leaving the house.

1:47 Drew Is your Tivo working yet?

1:49 Adam Yeah, I got it back.

1:50 Drew Okay.

1:50 Adam Let me tell you, you lose that Tivo, it's like losing a child. Now I know how a parent feels when a baby dies of SIDS or something.

1:59 Drew It's crazy you had that Tivo sitting there for three years before you hooked it up. Didn't you?

2:03 Adam It was something like 28 months or something like that. But the point is, is now it's like the heroin needle. It just sat there for years and now I'm hooked. I don't know what to do. So I'm going to Tivo.

2:15 Guest You're going to enjoy it Corolla.

2:17 Adam Yeah. Why is that?

2:18 Guest It's a fun because it's funny. It's good, good, funny material, especially for the WB. No, I mean, you know, I'm saying it's such a great network that we just add to it.

2:29 Adam Right, right. Are they paying to work for?

2:32 Drew Yeah.

2:33 Adam I mean, what networks have you experienced?

2:37 Guest I've been faithful. This is my second television show ever. Am I on mic? And they've both been for the WB because it is the best network. What was that?

2:47 Guest It's not the frog. That's very good.

2:49 Guest Oh, Miss Michigan Jay.

2:51 Adam Yes.

2:52 Drew Does it still exist, the frog?

2:54 Adam Yeah, they kept the frog, but I think they lost the DUBBA DUBBA DUBBA DUBBA. Drew, please, please recount the time that I told everybody six years ago when we were doing those promos about the DUBBA DUBBA DUBBA DUBBA, how I was saying, this is so gone. This is so bad.

3:09 Drew This is so retarded.

3:10 Adam This is so retarded.

3:11 Drew This will never work.

3:13 Adam I want to meet the retarder who came up with the DUBBA DUBBA DUBBA DUBBA. And how long did that baby last?

3:18 Drew It went a little further because you're like, I'm not going to say it. They're like, here, say it. Okay. DUBBA DUBBA WB. No, no, 19 more times. Ready? Go.

3:26 Adam It's really, it's something out of a sitcom. No, it's not DUBBA DUBBA WB. It's DUBBA DUBBA WB.

3:34 Guest They probably did tests on how many DUBBS is enough and how many is not enough.

3:39 If you did too many, it could be a flick.

3:41 Adam That's right.

3:41 Drew They'd only done that. They would have found out zero.

3:44 Guest It's all about the research.

3:45 Adam Yeah. When we only do it 14 times, the audience doesn't think we've committed to it.

3:50 Guest Or maybe it's hypnotic. Maybe after a certain amount, that's it. Your brain means you won't be able to change the channel for the rest of the year.

3:56 Adam After the 28th duba, women start taking their pants off. Men start reaching for their wallets. It has a hypnotic effect.

4:05 Guest It's exactly what the WB wants.

4:06 Adam Yes. You can enslave the world under the under 30 world. All right. So anyway, this is Sunday night and we trust Eddie. Sean, we're not so sure about, but you're going to like him.

4:18 Guest I also have a foreign accent, which can only add sort of suspicion to the proceedings.

4:22 Adam Well, Sean is, I don't trust Sean because he's got that fake accent. He's good. He's good looking.

4:27 Guest I told you I'm from Florida.

4:28 Drew And I was the Queen's English.

4:29 Adam I was reading in his bio that big pop star in England and they're playing Wimbly Stadium and all that stuff.

4:37 Guest Because big means different in England than it does here. We think our roads are big till you come to California and then you realize that it's the size of London. Just one of your roads. Big pop star in England doesn't quite mean what it means here.

4:50 Adam But it's an interesting point. When you're in England, obviously it's nice if your household name and your neighbors know who you are and your old school teachers kiss your ass and all the old boys and everything. But is there a feeling like you have to make it in the United States in order to have officially made it?

5:09 Guest There is a feeling that you have to make it in the United States to be a star or to be, you know, a lot of people have a lifelong career that make lots of money and very happy for years and years and years. But like if you're a band or if you're an actor or a solo singer, it's not like we wait for it, but then it's like there's a lot of talk before an artist or an actor goes to the States. And then if they make it, being made in the States is what makes you a bonafide proper star, I think. Because it's the size of the country, it's the size of the vastness of it. To crack America means you've cracked like 200, the majority of 270-odd million people, so it's a big thing. I don't think we need it, but when you do, people kind of go, oh, I met it in America, oh, big cheese.

5:56 Adam You know what I love about the Brits is he knew there was 270-odd million people. If I stopped the average 19-year-old junior college chick and asked her how many people in the country, a zillion? I don't know.

6:16 Drew They couldn't tell you the president was.

6:18 Guest They couldn't tell you the vice president was. In America's defense, I've learned that you guys don't need to leave America to live a full and rounded life. You can go to Hawaii for your summer, you can go skiing in Big Bear, you can go this, that, and the other. You never need to leave America, so a lot of people just go.

6:31 Drew You don't need to leave Southern California.

6:32 Guest No, I don't intend on it, till they kick me out.

6:35 Adam No, it is very true. I always love it, by the way. I was in Big Sur, which is just, if you haven't had a chance to get there, Sean.

6:44 Guest I'm going in two weeks, funnily enough.

6:46 Adam Absolutely spectacular. Sometimes, especially if you have a little time and you have a little money, you think you're a wuss for taking a vacation that's in your own backyard. You feel like you're not really doing it right. Like, Drew took his kids, they went through the Panama Canal, for Christ's sake. They met with Fidel Castro. They were all over the place. Meanwhile, I'm driving my car up the 101 to go down to Big Sur.

7:09 Guest But if you're relaxed at the end of it, then it's done.

7:12 Adam I had a great time, but I was standing in Big Sur and here came a bunch of just off the boat Asian tourists taking pictures. And I thought, yes, now I feel good because you bastards came. It took you a month to get here. And I drove here and I felt good about it. And I think they should do that everywhere. Wherever you go, they should just have a whole batch of Asian tourists taking pictures who've spent millions of yen and spent millions of days on the road to get there. And it would really make you feel good about yourself.

7:42 Drew Wherever you are.

7:43 Adam Even if, yeah.

7:44 Drew Lincoln, Nebraska.

7:45 Adam Lincoln, Nebraska. Give me the Asian tourists. I want to go see the biggest ball of twine in Idaho. Send the Asian tourists. Make me feel good about myself.

7:54 Guest In the place Tic-Tac-Toe and things like that.

7:56 Adam Yeah, there's something that validates your decision if someone else decided to cross the Pacific to come see it too.

8:02 Guest Quite right.

8:03 Adam All right, so let's, oh, I got to make a note. You know, I'm going to England at some point. I've never been to Europe. Yeah.

8:13 Drew I imagine at some point you might go a lot of places.

8:15 Adam No, I got tickets and stuff.

8:18 Drew What are you doing?

8:19 Adam I'm going to the, there's this thing called the Goodwood Tournament. Or it's a car race.

8:26 Guest That's a bad golf, isn't it?

8:27 Adam Well, it's a golf, they got a golf course, but they have an old vintage car race and stuff.

8:32 Drew You go into something called Goodwood, I made you think of masturbation.

8:34 Adam I know.

8:35 Guest See, that's why I was going to avoid that, but thanks.

8:39 Adam Yeah, so anyway, I'll talk to Sean about that during the break. I don't know, whenever I get some time off. Never, never, probably never. All right, let's talk to Alex.

8:52 Guest It's Alexis.

8:52 Adam I mean, Alexis.

8:53 Guest Yeah.

8:54 Adam Oh, yeah. Sorry.

8:55 Guest It's OK.

8:56 Adam You're 18.

8:56 Drew What's up?

8:57 Guest OK, well, my fiance has been with 55 people and I've been with 64 people. Yeah. And I'm 18. And like, we've like found that we have, like, this really weird obsession with people. Like, we'll sit and, like, be on date lines and just, like, invite people over, just, like, see how people are and, like, how they act and, like, how they dress. It's weird. And we don't know what it is. We just, like, can't help it.

9:21 Adam Well, then you, but you have, then you blow them at a certain point, right? I mean, you're not writing a paper. You're banging your way across the country.

9:29 Guest Sometimes.

9:30 Adam And I need to be a hair... What was that? You stinking whore. Oh, please.

9:35 Drew Is that all 65 guys you've slept with?

9:38 Yeah. 64.

9:38 Drew 64. I beg your pardon.

9:40 Adam How dare you?

9:41 Guest The night's not over yet, though.

9:42 Adam You should not have slutty.

9:43 Drew See, Sean's got a good point.

9:45 Adam It's true.

9:47 Drew Alexis, so you're obsessed. You're sort of sexually compulsive, right? Both of you may be sexually addicted. And what is it you hope to gain by meeting these people? I don't know.

9:58 Guest It's like we get this weird thrill out of like this.

10:01 Drew All right. So this is thrill seeking behavior. Are you doing any drugs?

10:04 Guest Well, I drink a lot.

10:06 Drew OK. And so you have alcoholism in your family?

10:09 Guest Way back.

10:10 Adam When did you lose your virginity at that nine?

10:12 Guest 13.

10:13 Adam 13. You've been on a pretty good clip there.

10:17 Guest Yeah.

10:18 Adam And well, you see, a chick can do this. But how's your goofy boyfriend getting laid? Is he paying for this? No, no.

10:27 Drew He's what?

10:28 Guest He's cute.

10:28 Drew Oh, no.

10:29 Adam No, Eddie's cute. He doesn't get any. I mean, really, he must just be banging some heinous, heinous cows, right?

10:40 Guest No, but a lot of them are really cute.

10:42 Adam No way. No way. No way. Thirty seven through through fifty were not cute. I saw them on the Internet. I never saw them all, but you know, OK, and that doesn't bother you at all to know that she's not ahead. I know. I know. But you can still be bothered by it.

11:01 Guest It bothers me. But, you know, I've done the same thing.

11:04 Drew He's doing drugs, too.

11:05 Guest Yeah, same as me.

11:06 Drew All right. Well, this is this is this is symptomatic of sexual addiction, sexual compulsivity. Were either of you abused when you're growing up sexually?

11:15 Guest No.

11:16 Drew Adam, were you abused growing up?

11:17 No.

11:18 Guest Hold on.

11:19 Drew Adam, were you abused growing up?

11:22 No.

11:23 Adam No.

11:25 No.

11:26 Drew Yeah. What was the delay about, Alexis?

11:28 Guest Well, I was just like thinking, I mean, like the way I lost my virginity wasn't like the greatest way, but you know, he was the guy in 19 or 20. Yeah.

11:36 Drew So there you were raped when you were 13, basically, or at least it was a form of sexual abuse. We'd expect to still something happened before that.

11:44 Guest No.

11:45 Drew All right. Be that as it may, you really are into a syndrome, sexual addiction, sexual compulsivity. If you truly want to do something about this, you should because this is going to progress, there's going to be riskier behaviors, there's going to be more intense drug use. This is a progressive problem. And you're sort of fitting a classic pattern for that.

12:03 Guest Yeah. It's like we just can't help it. Like we'll spend our whole day on dateline.

12:07 Drew I understand you can't help it, but that's what addiction is.

12:09 Adam Are you having sex with these people?

12:12 Guest Depends on what they look like.

12:13 Drew I'm giving a talk tomorrow on the internet and sexual compulsion, in fact.

12:16 Adam No one's going to listen to that.

12:17 Drew No one you're interested in. It's for physicians. No, no. But listen, the guy I'm giving the talk with says he had a nice aphorism. He says, you know, for people who are sexual addicts, the internet is cocaine.

12:27 Adam Oh, yeah. Yeah, I could imagine. It's just a window in the house.

12:30 Guest As long as all she's doing is having sex and it's safe sex and it doesn't get worse than that. I mean, it will.

12:36 Drew It just will. That's the thing. And that's the nature of this condition. And so she can wait until, you know, until something really starts to happen that may motivate her to do something or she can do something now.

12:47 Adam Alexis.

12:48 Drew Yeah.

12:49 Adam Yeah. First off, don't get pregnant. Don't let this guy get you pregnant.

12:53 Drew The pregnant?

12:53 Adam The pregnant.

12:56 Guest Is that where you get pregnant by two people simultaneously? De pregnant.

12:59 Adam De pregnant.

13:00 Drew That's French. French. De pregnant.

13:03 Adam No, that's le pregnant. This is Italian. De pregnant.

13:06 Drew Le pregnant.

13:06 Adam Le pregnant. All right. Alexis, just to put a bungee cord around your knees or something, would you?

13:13 Drew No, listen, you ought to see someone about this. And if you want to go check out her. She is.

13:19 Adam 64 guys she's seen about it.

13:21 Drew A meeting, a 12 step process would be great for you if you're willing to do it.

13:24 Adam Oh, I, it's, I, all right. As a woman, you could do it if you want. I mean, if you want to act out, you can just act out every night with a new guy. If you do the math, you know, she lost her virginity five years ago, maybe five and a half years ago. She was 13, 13 at that time. She's basically been with a guy a month.

13:47 Drew Imagine if you could do that, where would you be?

13:49 Adam Well, first off, one a month doesn't even sound like that much as a single person. It does start to add up.

13:57 Drew If you as a guy could act out like that, it doesn't sound like much. You know what I'm saying?

14:01 Adam Yeah. If you could have gotten away with that in high school as a guy, you would have gladly done it. If it was the kind of thing where every time you were feeling depressed or your self-esteem was low or you felt like acting out or you were a little bit loaded and you wanted to make a phone call, you could get a little comforting, get a little fix up, you'd be doing it non-stop.

14:23 Drew It's interesting. I was with a group of teenagers talking a couple of weeks ago and they were discussing why a girl at 15 would have sex with lots of guys. And all the girls in the audience chimed in, well, she needs validation. She's looking for love, relationship. And I go, hold on a second, guys, if you were 15 and you're able to do this, why would you do it? And the men in the audience universally, it feels good. And that's it. At which point women cringed. But that's it. That's what a guy would do.

14:51 Adam All right. And Drew, don't do this. You know, those Internet chats, all they do is don't, they don't believe it's you. It's every third question. This isn't really Drew. This is not really you. And that's it. And then the rest of the question is, where's Adam? And when I do mine, it's where's Drew? This isn't really you. Where's Drew? This isn't really you. Where's Drew? And then an hour later, you walk away and you go, why did I do that? Why did I do that? Gina?

15:18 Hi.

15:18 Adam Hey.

15:20 I have a little problem. I only seem to attract married men or at the very least, been in serious committed relationships.

15:31 Drew Where do you meet these guys?

15:34 Through friends at bars, you know, just out and about. I've met a couple at work and it's just...

15:43 Drew Well, how is it that you... Do you know these guys are married before you meet them?

15:49 No, it comes up in conversation or they're wearing rings.

15:51 Drew And so why don't you sort of cut things off right then? Why do you continue to pursue the relationship?

15:55 Oh, but I don't.

15:57 Drew So as soon as you find out they're married, you sort of wrap things up and yet they pursue you right then?

16:02 Yes.

16:03 Adam Well, how can they? I mean, you're sitting at a bar, you're staring at the guy's wedding band and you would get up and excuse yourself. Does he tackle you?

16:11 No, but you know, let's take, for example, my favorite bar, it's a rather small place and it gets awfully crowded and they will just keep finding ways to run into me.

16:23 Adam So what? What are you saying?

16:28 My question, I suppose, is, is there something that I'm putting out there?

16:33 Drew No, it's what you're not doing.

16:35 OK.

16:36 Adam Yeah.

16:36 Drew These guys are a-holes, they're fishing around. But if you don't cut them off, they'll keep coming around.

16:41 Adam Plus, you must be throwing them a crumb here and there.

16:45 Drew You have to be.

16:46 Adam Yeah. Are you? How's your self-esteem? You a big gal?

16:49 No, no.

16:50 Drew You're fat.

16:51 Adam Drew, please. Please. I say big. That's my euphemism.

16:55 No, I am not a big girl.

16:56 Adam Like the Rhodes.

16:58 And my self-esteem is way up there.

17:00 Adam You feel good about yourself?

17:02 Yeah.

17:03 Adam Okay. So why don't you just find yourself a single guy?

17:06 Drew This feels to me like the girl with last night member who wanted to take, who kept taking the girl, the boyfriends away from her girlfriends.

17:13 Adam I don't listen to the call.

17:14 Drew I know. But this is that kind of feeling. Like you need that. You need that validation of someone else's.

17:19 Adam Yeah.

17:20 Drew So that suggests your self-esteem is sort of falsely inflated perhaps. Big?

17:25 Adam Maybe. Yeah. I mean, here's what I'm getting. I'm getting maybe you don't feel as, I don't know, as confident or as good as you think you do.

17:34 Drew Yeah.

17:35 Adam And then that goes for all of you. However, any of you feel, you're S.

17:39 Guest She's playing video games.

17:41 Guest Is that what that is? I'm sitting here going, what the hell?

17:43 I'm sorry.

17:43 My cell phone is ringing in the background.

17:45 Oh, OK.

17:45 Guest They don't know you're on the radio.

17:47 Drew Coast to coast. They're calling to check to see if this is her.

17:50 You're on the radio right now?

17:52 Wow, man.

17:53 Adam That's one of those married guys. So, listen, Gina, I wouldn't dwell on this. All right. I mean, I don't think it's an issue unless you make it an issue.

18:07 Drew You need to cut these guys off and feel whatever it is that you feel when you do that. And if you start feeling like you missed that or you hurt their feelings, just examine your own feelings when you cut these guys off. It'll let you know why you don't do it.

18:18 Guest Yeah, there's a lot of women having uncontrollable sex tonight. Yeah, a lot of girls can't help themselves.

18:24 Adam I think Gina was flattered by these guys and just kind of wanted to share the news.

18:29 Guest Isn't there a thing of you can play with a married man and you know that you can walk away and say, well, look, you're married. You know, you can have all the fun you want and then when you want to call it a day, you can walk away from something.

18:39 Adam Women like flirtation. It's a mess.

18:42 Guest In danger.

18:43 Drew It's a mess.

18:44 Adam Well, I mean, it's like, guys, we're hungry. We don't want to sit and look at pictures of food and play with them. Here's some food you can play. No, no, don't put it in your mouth. This sucks. It's worse now. Now I'm more irritable. I'm more hungry. Now I'm hungry and angry. Girls are like, oh, look at that picture, that cheeseburger. Look at that. I'm going to draw one. What's in it for them? Look, I bet that cheeseburger wants me to eat it. And come on, let's go. What kind of thinking is that?

19:20 Drew We need a female perspective. Anne, please chime in here, please.

19:23 She's whatever.

19:25 Adam Erin, she's not a female. She's a mom.

19:28 What's going on, man?

19:30 Drew What's up, Erin?

19:31 Yes.

19:32 Adam You're 18.

19:32 Caller Yes, I am.

19:33 Adam What's up?

19:35 Caller I'm having a hard time finding a girlfriend or any friends at all, really. Past history. I was at a kind of like a boy's home for the last three years, or the last two years.

19:48 Drew Like a foster home?

19:49 Caller Well, kind of, yeah. Rehabilitation center.

19:52 Drew For what kind of problem?

19:54 Caller Because I sexually abused my sister and my brother, my sisters and my brother.

19:58 Drew When they were how old?

20:00 Caller My sisters were five and my brother was a little bit older than that.

20:04 All right.

20:05 Adam Here you go, Erin. How old were you when you did this?

20:08 Caller I was like 13 or 14. Okay. Then I went into the place when I was late 15 and then got out right when I turned 18.

20:16 Drew Did it help you?

20:17 Caller Yeah, it did and actually tremendously. All right.

20:19 Drew Didn't you get some friends from that whole experience?

20:22 Caller Yeah, but that's down in Waco and I'm up north of Dallas. I learned how to make friends. That's not a problem, it's just, it seems, I don't know, it's really hard.

20:38 Adam Did somebody sexually abuse you?

20:40 Drew Of course.

20:41 Caller Yes, my uncle did.

20:42 Adam Well, I just want to ask. Of course.

20:44 Caller Yeah.

20:44 Adam Where's your uncle now?

20:46 Caller He's out there in California, so if you see him, will you kill him for me, please?

20:49 Adam Well, I'll tell you what I'll do. When I'm driving, I'll just assume all pedestrians may potentially be your uncle, even the ladies. And I'll go right for him.

20:58 Caller Ten points for the men.

20:59 Adam You figure eventually, eventually, I'll get to him. Eventually, yeah. Odds are not on his side. I do a lot of driving out here. All right. Did this guy ever get prosecuted?

21:11 Caller No. We can't really prove it. It was when I was like two and a half.

21:17 Drew What about your behavior proof?

21:18 Adam Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's funny, all the proof you need to know is you want to ask your sisters and your brother. That stuff usually doesn't come from nowhere. Whose brother was this?

21:32 Caller Oh, my dad's brother. And we don't have any contact with him. And I've sworn to myself that if I see him, I'm going to kick his ass.

21:40 Adam And what about your dad? What does he think? Does he believe you?

21:46 Caller You know what? I'm really not sure. I have a hard time talking about sexual things to my dad.

21:53 Adam But yeah, I can understand.

21:55 Drew But is your dad aware that your brother was the perpetrator? His brother was the perpetrator?

21:58 Caller Yes.

21:58 Drew All right.

21:59 Caller Oh my God.

21:59 Adam I mean, you know, it's like my sister, she borrowed a hand truck, a dolly for me. I'm pissed off. You know, I haven't gotten it back yet.

22:09 Drew Imagine when you sexually abuse your kids.

22:11 Adam Oh, she's going to be livid. But I'm going to be like, hey, should have returned the dolly. Hot shot. Now you get what you get.

22:17 Drew And what is it you need from us tonight?

22:19 Caller Pardon me?

22:19 Drew What can we do to help you?

22:21 Caller I'm just looking for suggestions to find friends and stuff.

22:27 Drew You know what? I was actually thinking about this tonight. We often just sort of toss out, we don't go to clubs, not clubs, I mean join common interest groups, hobby groups, that kind of thing.

22:36 Adam Drew tells me off the air you have to buy your friends.

22:39 Drew And I thought, I heard tonight that a radio station was looking for volunteers to help out with sort of manning the phones. I mean, you can volunteer for things that you feel strongly about. You'll meet people, you'll share common interests and common goals. You need to look for things that you can go that you'll enjoy doing and that will make you feel good about contributing. And you'll find people with a similar band and people you'll bond up with and meet and build up a group of friends.

23:02 Caller Yeah, I joined a fitness club today and so that's part of my self esteem.

23:07 Drew Look for some sort of giving back work, volunteer work.

23:10 Caller Yeah, all right.

23:11 Adam Yeah, and keep the molestation stuff under your hat for the third day.

23:17 Caller I don't wear that on my sleeve too much.

23:19 Adam Yeah. And listen, this whole, you know, people have this thing where, you know, friendship or relationships is about coming clean. I don't think so. I think if you had a problem and you solve that problem and there's no threat of that problem anymore, whether you were a junkie or a pedophile, you just, that's part of the reward for solving the problem. You don't have to, you don't have to rent out billboard space to explain everyone where you've been and what you've done. I remember when I blew my uncle in high school. It was one of the worst days of my life. Yeah. Swore he'd pull out. Now I'm in therapy. Son of a bitch. Yeah. It's, you know, before my, I have, I have fairly young nephews, two and four. And, you know, just from doing the show and just maybe growing up in the Valley, I just thought, you know, that uncle molesting, molesting uncle was, is a little bit of a cliche, you know, but it was like, that's just something you do.

24:19 Drew The Valley tradition.

24:20 Adam Yes. And it says it on the sign. Welcome to North Hollywood, a tradition rich in molestation. And then there's inexplicably, there's a statue of Amelia Earhart near there. I don't know, I don't know why, but there's a lot of Amelia Earhart statues in North Hollywood. But anyway, the point is, is now that I have nephews, I couldn't imagine touching them. I mean, it's just, it's like, it's unthinkable. And I'm an atheist and I'll do stuff if I think I can get away with it. It's beyond the realm of reality.

24:53 Guest But aren't you more exempt because you're an atheist? Doesn't that make you a better candidate for being straight living? Most people nowadays seem to use religion as some form of shield or smoke screen because they're, you know, I'm not saying that everyone, because I'm just myself, but it's really bad.

25:10 Drew To cover for some heinous impulse?

25:11 Guest In fact, a lot of people have these problems or these urges and they immediately get themselves looking after scouts or boy groups or girl groups or whatever and it's, you know, they're kind of seen as the pillars of the community until one day it's, oh yeah, they molested 17 kids on the bus, you know.

25:29 Adam I'm with Sean all the way here. People, there's a, I know we're running late for break, but oh what the hell, you know, I got to do the show every night. Let's just talk here. Yeah, I love, I love my nephews.

25:42 Guest I'm in love with him.

25:43 Adam No, I mean, I really love him. I like to have sex with him. You missed my point. Here, here's my secondary point. I listened to a little talk radio during the day, and I listen to oftentimes a guy named Dennis Prager, who's very good, big behemoth Jew guy, who's on some, I don't know what station he's on, but anyway, he's good. I like the guy, and he makes some real good points, and he's, he loves religion, and his thing is, is if you're walking down a dark alley, what do you want? Ten atheists coming at you, or ten Christians coming, coming at you, and depends what century. Well, that's a good point. It depends what you are. You could be black. You could be a Jew. You could be s out of luck. But his thing is, and of course, he always makes the point where he says ten guys who just left a prayer meeting or ten guys were in baggy pants and their hats on backwards and that kind of thing. And of course, everyone says, OK, I'd rather have the ten guys who are leaving the prayer meeting if I'm walking down a dark alley. But here's the question I'd like to pose to Dennis Prager. In prison, what percentage of people are atheists for violent crimes? Not the guy who's dealing the peyote tabs at the Grateful Dead concert. Violent criminals incarcerated. Death row, if you want to choose that.

26:59 Drew How many are actually talking about God?

27:00 Adam More than 50% atheists? I don't think so.

27:03 Guest A lot of them find God once they know certain death is imminent.

27:08 Adam I'm with you on that, but I would bet you the majority of them going in were raised with some kind of religion in their family and had a belief in God while they were murdering these people. I bet it's way less than 10% violent criminals, atheists behind bars. So you do your math. We'll be right back. We'll take a little break. Yes, Drew? Yes. You all right? Eddie and Sean are both here from Off Center, WB Sunday night, nine o'clock. We'll be back.

27:37 Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

27:46 Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla on 94.7 NRK.

28:06 Adam Hey, everybody, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew over there.

28:14 Drew That's nice.

28:14 Adam Diane Farr is coming on the show. She's our old co-host from Loveline, the TV show. She's currently on the job, the Dennis Larry show. So she's on tomorrow night, yes?

28:28 Drew Yes.

28:29 Adam And I talk to, I'm still trying to work it out with Ethan from Survivor. Got a call put in. And anyway, it looks pretty good for either Wednesday or Thursday. Eddie Kaye Thomas and Sean Maguire are both here from Off Center. Sunday nights, nine o'clock, www, www, www, WB. And if you got that TiVo, you can TiVo it. TiVo, how does TiVo work in the Nielsons?

29:01 Drew I think record because it has to go to that channel.

29:04 Adam Yeah.

29:05 Drew So it probably.

29:06 Adam So if you had a Nielsen box.

29:08 Drew No, the overnight. So they have some way of monitoring these things.

29:11 Adam They do? They can monitor it?

29:14 Guest Don't you plug it into a phone line every night? Yeah. Because I'm convinced there's 2,000 Nielsen boxes. That's it. For 100 million people watching TV or whatever.

29:25 Adam Yeah.

29:26 Guest So now that a lot of people are plugging their phones in or their TVs into the phone lines.

29:30 Adam Right.

29:31 Guest It's big brothers watching.

29:32 Drew I thought there was some monitoring going on.

29:34 Guest You're plugging in and saying, all right, corporate America, this is what I'm looking at every night.

29:39 Adam Yeah. Yeah. I don't care. Is it the no Nielsen is I think that's the only way they get the ratings.

29:45 Drew Really? I didn't realize.

29:47 Adam I know. We care.

29:52 Drew Who cares about anything we talk about, by the way.

29:54 Adam Yeah. That's a very good point. Who cares about your who cares drop. That's the real question. I understand.

30:00 Drew Jenny 16.

30:02 Guest Hello.

30:02 Drew Hi, Jenny. What's going on?

30:06 Guest Well, I have this problem. Like, I don't really know if it's like a problem, but the only way I can get pleasure is by playing with my breath.

30:14 Drew You only get pleasure. What does that mean exactly?

30:17 Guest Like, like when like when me and my boyfriend are like having sex, right? Like, I don't know. I just have to like play with my breath and like he gets mad at me for it. Because like it like arouses me.

30:30 Adam Yeah, no, I know. I know when some bitch starts touching her breast while I'm banging her, I go nuts, man. I mean, it's the ultimate sign of disrespect. I don't go for that. I mean, a Rubik's Cube, whatever, at you sketch. But touching your breast while I'm trying to have sex with you, I can see this kid's point. I'd be irate. I'd be livid. I can't believe you guys are still together.

30:54 Guest Well, yeah, it's causing like a lot of problems.

30:57 Adam Sure, sure.

30:58 Guest He thinks it's like him. Like, he thinks he's not doing something right. And I don't know if maybe that's the truth, but...

31:05 Adam Well, if you... Have you had an orgasm with him?

31:09 Guest Yeah.

31:10 Adam And you wouldn't...

31:11 Guest Because I was touching my breast, though.

31:13 Adam Right, but he was having sex with you at the time, right?

31:16 Guest Yeah.

31:17 Adam So what if he wasn't having sex with you at the time? Would you have had the orgasm?

31:22 Guest Probably. I mean, he doesn't help me much.

31:27 Adam How much of that does he know?

31:32 Guest I don't know. I tell him that the most pleasure I get is when I touch myself, but...

31:38 Drew Maybe as a way of telling him that's why you're doing it or as a way of letting him know that he's not contributing.

31:44 Guest Well, like when we're having sex and I start touching my breast, we'll be like, what? What's wrong? Am I not, like, pleasuring you enough?

31:53 Drew Oh, boy. How old is your boyfriend?

31:55 Guest 18.

31:56 Drew Oh, boy.

31:57 Adam And here's the part. See, here's the mistake you made, Jenny.

32:02 Drew Talking to your boyfriend.

32:02 Adam The mistake you made was telling him that...

32:04 Drew Anything.

32:05 Adam Yeah, you know, his penis was like a novocaine syringe. You could feel nothing below your waist and you had to kickstart yourself by manipulating your own breast. If you had just shut up about it, you could have grabbed the breast and said, you know, you get me so hot, I don't know what to do with my hands. And he'd think it was all him.

32:24 Drew See how pathetic guys are. You got to think lame.

32:27 Adam Think he good.

32:27 Drew Yeah, think lame, think pathetic, and you'll get the right answer.

32:30 Adam But what I kind of question Jenny a little bit here. Like, what's up? Are you a little bit angry at him?

32:37 Guest I don't know.

32:38 Adam What do you do? Do you cheat on you?

32:41 Guest I don't think so. But I know.

32:43 Drew But this relationship really isn't working very well.

32:44 Adam You don't like him.

32:45 Drew Yeah, I do.

32:46 Guest I really like him. That's why it's a problem.

32:48 Adam Well, then I just said, look, are you a little bit angry at him? And you went, well, I don't know.

32:52 Drew Yeah.

32:54 Adam Why might you be angry at him?

32:58 Guest I don't know. Like, I'm kind of confused.

33:01 Adam All right. Who cares? Oh, get lost.

33:03 Drew Hey, she admitted she's confused. She's confused that.

33:07 Adam I'm confused, too.

33:08 Drew I know. Well, that's what she's making us feel.

33:10 Adam But what are you going to do?

33:11 Drew Let's hear what she's confused about.

33:13 Adam I can't figure out the phones now.

33:14 Drew Let's hear what she's confused about.

33:16 Adam No, I'm tired of dragging everybody by the hand through the calls. You don't want to talk? Good. Don't talk. Fine. She's confused. You're confused.

33:24 Drew I'll just hear what she's confused about.

33:25 Adam No, you can be good.

33:26 Drew The world is curious.

33:27 Adam Good. She hung up. Go be confused. Shut up, everyone. Talk. Spend the rest of your life being confused.

33:35 Drew Jerry?

33:36 Adam Oh, who cares?

33:37 Drew You're a bitch.

33:38 Adam No, I'm tired of dragging people around. Please tell me. Please. I know you're 16 and you're confused. Please, please, please. I'll ask you the same question eight times. Please. Oh, screw you. Just hang up. Jerry, don't waste my time.

33:54 Drew Jerry?

33:55 Yeah. Yes.

33:56 Drew Better get to it.

33:58 Yeah. OK. I'm 21 years old.

34:00 Adam Oh crap. I've heard enough. Not another one of you.

34:04 What do you mean?

34:05 Drew Jerry, what's up?

34:06 OK. I'm 21 years of age. I have a girlfriend. I've been with her for a week. She was in a blow job, but I'm scared because I'm writing HIV and any disease that comes with sex.

34:16 Drew Well, she's the one that she's the one that needs to be worried about HIV, right?

34:21 I guess so.

34:21 Adam OK, that's all right. Let her blow you.

34:25 But can I gain disease?

34:28 Drew Does she have a disease?

34:30 Not that I know.

34:30 Adam All right.

34:31 Drew You've only known her for a week?

34:33 A week, yes.

34:34 Drew Does she have any risk factors for disease?

34:37 Not that I know.

34:38 Adam OK, you let her give you, BJ, and you give her the HIV. That's the way.

34:45 Drew What about you? What about wearing a condom?

34:49 She doesn't want to wear a condom. She basically she wants to skin free.

34:53 Adam Oh, man, that's rough. I know it.

34:55 Guest You pull bugger.

34:57 Adam Yeah, I know what it's like. You know, a chick's begging to blow you. And you're like, I don't know. Let me think about it. And she's like, I need an answer. And you're like, Jesus, I'm confused. They're pressuring me.

35:05 Guest Let me call the radio.

35:07 Adam You go, hold on, hold on. Yeah, where you go. Slow down. Just slow down.

35:10 Guest Can't we take it slow? Can't we just talk?

35:12 Adam Yeah, whatever happened to dinner, by the way. And so now it's like, OK, but only with a condom. And she's like, no, that's distracting. And now you're like, oh, my God, she's an animal. What line is this guy on? Hey, Jerry? Yeah. And then once the word gets out that anyone can blow you without a condom, then there's going to be a line around the block from your apartment. You got all sorts of supermodels and bikini models and actresses and everybody, everybody. Oh, young, you know, every 18 year old in North America is going to want to line up to give Jerry a BJ. Yeah. Yeah. Then you're out of luck. Yeah, I would be. I would be.

35:57 Drew It sounds like you need to know your partner better. And if she if you knew her well enough, it wouldn't be, I don't know. I don't know if she has a risk factor. Because you know whether or not she was a reasonable risk.

36:06 It's not like she has any blisters on her or anything in her mouth or anything. But you know, it's basically to worry because. Well, is she growing up, you know?

36:13 Adam You know, you know, you're 21.

36:15 Caller Yeah. Well, you know, it's still life ahead of me, you know?

36:18 Adam Right.

36:19 Right.

36:20 Drew Hey, she does she do IV drugs? Does she shoot drugs?

36:26 Caller No, I don't think so. I'm pretty positive.

36:29 Guest He's only known her a week. I was gonna say, you barely know her name.

36:32 Drew You should know her better. You shouldn't be answering questions. I don't think so. I'm pretty sure you'll feel better when you get to know her more.

36:38 Adam Does she have a tattoo on her neck? No. Is her name Angel?

36:43 Drew No, not a tattoo above the butt a problem, too.

36:46 Adam Any tats? No, no, no small the back tat. None. Not named Cammie or Tammie? None.

36:55 Drew Brandy?

36:56 Adam Brandy?

36:57 Caller Nope.

36:58 Adam Okay. What is her name, by the way?

37:01 Caller Her name is Brenda. All right.

37:02 Adam That's fine. That's close, but that's fine. But at least you draw the line at her massaging her balls while she's blowing you, okay? You put your foot down. As I said, word will get out that you're easy and then you're in for a world of hurt. Cat calls when you're walking down the street, can't pass a construction site without the chicks screaming at you. Phone calls, booty calls, late nights. Then the word gets out. You go on a date, then a girl, she wants to give you a BJ before dinner. Do you see what I'm saying? Because the word has gotten out.

37:38 Drew You got it here.

37:42 Adam With this Jerry, I like this kid's sensibilities.

37:45 Drew I want to hear the Adam boogie now that we're on a roll.

37:48 Adam We're running light.

37:48 Drew Yeah, that's right. You can play it.

37:49 Adam No, no. We'll play it during the commercial. So only we can enjoy it. We'll be right back. Yeah, we'll take a little break and then we'll come back. We're trying to get back on time here. Eddie Kaye Thomas and Sean Maguire both here from Off Center, which is on the WB Sunday nights at 9 o'clock. We'll take a quick break. We'll be back. Bye.

38:30 Hi, this is Jamie Kennedy, and you're listening to Love Line with Ace Rocola and Dr. Drew.

38:37 Adam Hey, everybody. It's Love Line. I'm Ace Rocola, and that's Dr. Drew over there. Eddie Kaye Thomas and Sean Maguire are both here. They are from Off Center, which is on the WB. Sunday nights at 9 o'clock.

38:54 Drew Drew?

38:58 Adam Drew does great radio. He does. He has two moves. He has a hmm. And then he has the one where he likes to point at stuff and refer to it on the air without actually ever explaining what it is he's pointing to.

39:08 Caller Yeah.

39:13 Adam All righty, let's get back to them.

39:15 Drew You'd miss it if I did otherwise.

39:17 Adam Yeah. I'm cranky tonight.

39:20 Drew I know.

39:24 Adam I got up at very early and drove to Mount.

39:27 Drew Oh, how was that? Well, what time? You made a $10 bet over under $10.15. Remember?

39:33 Adam Oh, yeah. Oh, jeez, I'm screwed.

39:36 Drew Yeah.

39:36 Adam I owe you some money, buddy. Well, here's what happened. I've been doing that Son of the Beach show on that Howard Stern show on FX. And they've been very nice, but I've done it three days for three or four days so far. The first day I showed up at the call time was noon. I went on, got in front of the camera at four fifteen or four twenty. The next time I showed up, I think the call time was about ten a.m. and I got in front of the camera about twelve thirty. So this time the call time was eight fifteen a.m. So Big A did his own math this morning. And when I showed up, everyone was pissed.

40:15 Drew Oh, sure.

40:16 Adam Oh, yeah.

40:17 Drew But you have to go at nine thirty.

40:18 Adam No, I got there at nine fifteen. I got there one hour late. And where were you? And we missed the shot and we had to we had to, you know, pick up some other shots in order to make up for it. It's mostly BS, as we know.

40:33 Guest And so you don't like getting paid for sitting on the beach. All right. You don't. You're not a fan of that.

40:39 Adam Well, the first see today was Malibu, but the first two were just some crappy place where I just sat my trailer and sucked up fumes from the generator, basically. So anyway, I showed up late and of course it went early. And then when I go on Wednesday, here's what's going to happen. They'll give me a slightly earlier call time because I showed up late for the last one. And I'll go on even later. So I will have completely screwed everything and miscalculated, mistimed everything. From now on, I show up an hour late to the first one. So I owe Drew money because I anyway. All right. So it was nice. It's not. It's a great commute, by the way, at 530 in the afternoon from deep, deep Malibu to the Hollywood Hills. It is a it is a great commute.

41:27 Drew It's going to be an hour and a half.

41:29 Adam Yeah, it was an hour, hour and a half, hour and a half.

41:32 Guest Thank God for radio.

41:33 Adam Let me just scream one more quick thing regarding this because I'm tired. What is it with folks that refuse to give the cross street? Do you know what I mean? For what? They'll do this. They'll go, you go, where's this birthday party? And they'll go, it's at 27201 Ventura Boulevard. Yeah. And you'll go, is that is that in Kanoga Park or is that in Studio City? I have no idea where that is. How about just the F in Cross Street, please? Now, please. So here are my directions today. It's on PCH, on PCH it's, you know, it's 2300 PCH, Pacific Coast Highway, which by the way means, yes, Pacific Coast Highway, which goes on, which starts in Oregon and ends in San Diego. Okay. So what's the Cross Street? What's the Cross Street? The Cross Street, if you go past...

42:29 Drew Sunset. They always start with that. I love that.

42:31 Adam No, see, Drew, you're thinking like a human being.

42:34 Drew Since it's the only one they ever give, it could be 20 miles past sunset.

42:37 Adam No, here's the street they use. If you're going by Cross Creek Road, you've gone too far. Now here's my point.

42:44 Caller Why don't you tell me the one before?

42:45 Adam You don't want to come up with A, what, yeah. A, tell me the one before. Don't tell me the one across.

42:50 Guest Yeah, you've gone past it, mate. You've gone straight past it.

42:52 Adam B, Johnny Carson has lived in Malibu for 40 years. I guarantee you he couldn't tell you where Cross Creek Goddamn Road is. You don't want to pick Sunset. You don't want to pick Topanga Canyon. You don't want to pick Las Virginas. Do you see what I'm saying? You don't want to pick Pepperdine University. You don't want to pick a landmark. You're going to pick a small street that ends on PCH that I have no I've never heard of. So when you're driving there, where do you go? You're going to take Sunset. You're going to take the 405. You're going to take Topanga. How are you going to get there? Where's Cross Creek Road? Why not give a road anyone's heard of? Oh man, I got there. I said, I guarantee nobody has heard of this Cross Creek Road. But yet they're desperate for you to be there. How do you figure that? How can you be desperate and give you crappy directions?

43:42 Caller Let's heal some babies.

43:44 Adam OK, but why pick a side street? Thank you.

43:49 Drew Mixed messages. I agree. On we go. Evan is 19. Here we go. Just a minute to one minute to take a call. All right.

43:55 Adam All right. All right. Evan, let's save the babies. Cross Creek Road.

43:59 Drew What's up, Evan? Evan, do you know where Cross Creek Road is?

44:05 Adam OK, nobody does.

44:07 Drew All right, what's up?

44:09 Adam Bob Cross Creek, the guy the road was named after, never heard of it himself.

44:14 Drew All right, Evan, go.

44:16 Guest OK, well, the other day after having sex with my girlfriend, I gave her our sex and right afterwards, there was this from Regina, it came to sound. It sounds like a fart. And for lack of a better word, I just called it a vajart.

44:31 Caller Oh, very good.

44:33 Guest It's brilliant.

44:34 Adam Vajart.

44:35 Guest I'm taking that home with me.

44:36 Adam Thank you.

44:37 Guest Thank you.

44:38 Adam You'd be the king of England with that vajart.

44:40 Guest She was vajarting everywhere. It was a party.

44:44 Caller Very funny.

44:45 Guest Later on, we played in that tune.

44:47 Adam Vajart. It also sounds like an instrument a guy could play in like a country band.

44:51 Guest From Hungary. I'm from Hungary. I play the vajart.

44:55 Adam I play the mandolin. I play the bella lyca. I play the vajart. All right. So Evan, yes.

45:04 Guest Basically using the actual, what's the actual name for that phenomenon, I guess.

45:08 Adam It's now Vajart. It's called Evan's Vajart.

45:12 Guest Webster's. It's already in Webster.

45:14 Guest And I was also wondering, is a penis able to do that?

45:17 Drew Yes, penises do that kind of thing. The piston effect. In fact, we don't really quite know how you did it with your mouth without blowing something in. You know what I'm saying? He says he did it with oral sex.

45:26 Guest Oh, no, no.

45:27 Caller It was right afterwards.

45:28 Guest It was like afterwards, like a few seconds afterward, it just went.

45:32 Drew After oral sex.

45:33 Guest Yeah.

45:34 Adam It's called a pinard when my penis does it. But it's no Vajart.

45:40 Guest OK.

45:41 Adam OK. That's fine.

45:43 Guest OK. No, no problem or anything.

45:45 Drew No, no, it's normal.

45:45 Guest Now, in England, girls explode after they make that noise. So I'd be awfully careful with them. Normally, you hear that noise about an hour afterwards.

45:54 Drew Boom, gone.

45:58 Adam All right, Drew, you want to take another call here?

46:00 Drew No, I just got a break. Come on, Vajart. How much better is getting that?

46:04 Adam You can't top Vajart. That's true. All right, Eddie and Sean are both here from Off Center. WB, Sunday Nights, 9 o'clock. We will take ourselves a little break. I'm going to hop on in and tell you Vajart's for mercy. For mercy. And we'll be back.

46:21 All right, guys, bottom line, here's the deal.

46:23 Looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

46:26 Caller One call is all you need to make.

46:28 Call the Dateline.

46:29 Drew 877-889-DATE.

46:35 Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

46:44 This is We're Fine on 94.7 NRK.

47:02 Adam Hello, it is Loveline. I'm Adam. That is Dr. Drew. Over there, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Eddie Kaye Thomas is on tonight, you know, from the American Pie movies. Sean Maguire is also here from Off Center, which is on at nine o'clock on the WB. And you guys could probably work the chart into an episode.

47:27 Guest Done.

47:28 Guest It's already probably being written as we speak.

47:30 Guest I think us and everyone listening has brought it into their lives permanently. It's beautiful.

47:36 Adam Part of the American lexicon now. All right. Ready to get back to phones and speak to Lauren, who's apparently a male, actually.

47:49 Hello?

47:50 Adam Hello.

47:51 Caller I'm first time calling her along.

47:53 Drew You're gay.

47:53 Adam Oh, Drew, please. Yes.

47:54 Caller What's up, Lauren? My friend is addicted to oxycontin, I think. He was in a car accident a few weeks, maybe a month ago, and he broke his leg and his back got all messed up. I don't know exactly what happened then. Taking oxycontin for a while, and his doctor told him to take it for a few weeks and the pain should dissipate. It's been like a month and he's still taking it as he did the first time, the first week or so.

48:21 Adam How old is he?

48:22 Caller He's my age, he's like 15.

48:25 Drew It doesn't necessarily mean he's addicted. He's had real injury, he may have real need for opiate pain medication. He's not escalating, he's not abusing it, he's not getting momentum behind it. You should be concerned that he's been on as long as he had because he's likely to be dependent on it, that is to say he'll get some withdrawal if he stops. Interestingly though, 14, 15, 16-year-olds tend not to get much withdrawal from opiates.

48:47 Caller He's trying to stop it but then he'd get really sick and he said he got fevers and he's still like...

48:54 Drew Yeah, it feels like crap when he tries to stop it. But listen, I haven't talked to his doctor about exactly that. Again, just because he's dependent doesn't mean he's addicted. It means he has a little bit of withdrawal and that could be easily treated.

49:06 Adam Is this a relatively new thing?

49:11 Guest It's getting pretty popular with the kids these days.

49:14 Adam And the concept of giving pain meds to younger people...

49:21 Drew Well, if they broke their leg in the back, they'd get pain meds. But there is a movement definitely towards the use of more pain medication.

49:28 Adam It was frowned on for a while.

49:30 Drew Yeah, there's this idea that somehow we're withholding pain medicine because some people become addicted, other people are suffering. And the reality is, a physician needs to be more discriminating in how they apply these medications. And in situations where there's no risk, go for use it freely. When there's a risk for addiction, don't use it.

49:47 Adam Yeah, I know.

49:48 Drew Right.

49:48 Adam I mean, I know morphine was getting a pretty bad ramp for a while there. But it's like, hey, if you're dying of pancreatic cancer, how about just juicing the guy up?

49:57 Drew That's what we do.

49:58 Adam But, you know, I never thought about this before, but I had a serious injury when I was young. I was like 12, maybe 13, and my shoulder was out of socket and broken for days on end and all that. I didn't get any pain meds.

50:14 Drew Yeah, I had a bad knee injury. I remember it was excruciating. No one even suggested pain meds. Never even thought about it.

50:20 Adam I mean, what I'm saying is 20 years ago, the concept of giving pain meds to young people, even with fairly severe injuries, maybe not burns or something, but broken bones, there didn't seem to be a concept.

50:34 Drew I think you're right. I think you're right. I wasn't practicing then, but I think so.

50:38 Adam You busted up your knee, you didn't get anything.

50:41 Drew It wasn't even suggested.

50:42 Adam My shoulder was out of its socket for four days. I was in excruciating pain and never think, nothing. I had to pee in a mayonnaise jar because I couldn't move. Speaking of peeing in something, boy, I had a humiliating experience today when I got home from this sun of the beach. I had urinated in an ice bucket at my house.

51:08 Caller Why?

51:11 Adam I'm ashamed to say why, but I was jumping rope in my living room and I just had to take a leak.

51:22 Drew You couldn't walk the extra eight steps to your bathroom?

51:25 Adam Well, first off, hotshots, about 12 steps.

51:27 Drew Okay.

51:28 Adam Not eight steps. And part of being a, you know, part of the complete bachelor lifestyle is doing things. I like to live like my parents are gone for the weekend.

51:40 Drew It's more like you're like an unpotty trained dog. I took a crap in the middle of the living room.

51:44 Guest Hey, I did it because I can.

51:47 Adam I did take a crap in the garage a few months back, but that's because I just couldn't go up the 12 stairs. I couldn't make it up the stairs.

51:55 Drew You did it too, didn't you?

51:57 Adam Which one?

51:57 Drew The crap in the garage.

51:59 Caller Yeah, I did do that.

52:01 Drew Oh, humanity.

52:02 Adam But here's the point. The point is, I like to do those things that say, hey, I've arrived.

52:10 Guest Here I am. Smell my urine.

52:12 Drew This is mine.

52:13 Adam I got a nice pad up here in the hills and I'm urinating in my own ice bucket. And I took a leak in this ice bucket and I set it back down on the bar and I didn't think anything about it. And maybe four or five days, no, no, not four or five, maybe three, four days went by and I didn't think about it. And then I was driving home and I thought, you know what? I think today's the day the maid comes, I was thinking. And I always, I always scan my mind. What did I leave out? What form of pornography or filth did I leave out? What is she having to soar through?

52:48 Drew What's shaming?

52:49 Adam What's shaming? What's shaming telling piece of evidence that she stumbled across? And I walked in the kitchen.

52:55 Guest This is not like porn in the VCR. This is urine on the bar. No, you can't really.

53:00 Adam You understand. I walked into the kitchen and there was the ice bucket filled with sudsy water sitting on the counter. And I thought.

53:11 Guest A bigger book by her that I would imagine.

53:13 Adam I thought, yes, I thought.

53:15 Drew Oh, yeah.

53:15 Adam Right.

53:15 Drew It's like one of those murder books, you know, with the pictures of the murder victims and things. To take you through one month in Adam's house. Oh, yeah.

53:22 Adam So I thought, do I broach this with her? No. Do I come up with some cockamamie story about some Mike's Hard Lemonade getting dumped in there?

53:31 Guest We'll start with, you'll never believe what happened. Yeah.

53:34 Adam Or, jeez, I just rolled back into town. My buddy Ray was staying here. Hope everything's cool. Do I do I broach it or do I just keep moving and pretend like nothing happened?

53:44 Drew I think how many other sordid experiences she's accumulated without you commenting.

53:50 Adam Right.

53:50 Drew Why break the silence? Why break the silence now?

53:53 Adam She must have thought the urine in the ice bucket. She probably couldn't make sense of it.

53:59 Drew I mean, again, how many other things must there have been?

54:03 Adam I'm wondering if she knew what it is.

54:05 Drew She broke your towels over her knee.

54:07 Guest Were you secretly doing it to impress her, though? That's what you've got to do.

54:11 Adam You do have to ask yourself that.

54:13 Guest Is there something you're not being honest with about yourself?

54:15 Adam You have to ask yourself. Yes. You have to.

54:18 Guest There's no one to reprimand you anymore. And you're just trying to push the boundaries a little bit.

54:22 Adam You have to ask. You have to ask.

54:24 Drew What it means?

54:25 Adam What it means, yes, on a deeper level. Anyway, the point is...

54:30 Guest A dirty job for her, for one.

54:32 Adam I just kept it moving. I kept it rolling.

54:33 Drew What does it mean that she maintains her employee with you? That's a more serious question.

54:37 Adam That's a better question.

54:38 Drew Then again, she may be building a case.

54:40 Adam Right. I no longer give her a Christmas bonus. It's more hush money. This is what I call it.

54:48 Drew Then again, she could have a direct line to the Inquirer.

54:50 Adam So the point is, I don't say anything at this point, right?

54:53 Drew No.

54:53 Adam I don't try to backtrack and clean it up somehow. Give her... Okay, you're right.

54:58 Caller You're right.

55:00 Adam When I saw that ice bucket sitting with the suds in it, the first thought was, why is she cleaning? And then it went to... Oh, Christ.

55:07 Drew Oh, here's the deal. Sean thinks you're kidding. Sean thinks it's a story.

55:12 Adam You don't think I'm kidding, do you?

55:13 Guest No, no. The worrying thing is, I really don't.

55:15 Adam No, you can't make that up.

55:17 Guest No, you can't. You really can't.

55:19 Adam Claire?

55:21 Drew Claire. Claire, you're sleeping?

55:25 Guest Hello?

55:25 Drew There you are.

55:26 Guest Oh, hi. Sorry.

55:27 Adam You're 14.

55:28 Guest Yeah. First of all, I love Off Center and it's a great show and I love Loveline, of course. And it really interests me that Eddie, you went from like doing the American Pie thing and then now TV show and I find that cool. But anyway, I'm calling because I'm 14 and I'm really interested in guys that are a lot older than me. And if I had a choice, I would definitely go with an older guy rather than someone more around my age.

56:02 Drew Well, that's sort of normal for 14 year olds. That's an impulse worthy of containment because the guy that would be... It's not that it's an unhealthy impulse on your part. It's just that if you were to... If a 20 year old, 22 year old would respond to you, he's flawed. There's something wrong with him. And then not the same thing wrong with you. But it's just not... An adult would normally not do that.

56:25 Adam And how old are we talking about?

56:29 Guest Well, starting from late teens to late 20s, really.

56:33 Adam The late 20s.

56:34 Drew So normal.

56:35 Adam Well, you know, there's another thing that I hadn't thought about. You know, we always talk about the female image of sensuality or sexuality. And they're always talking about these 18, 19 year old models, 17 year old models. And of course, guys, this is what becomes sensuality. But for the guys, it's like George Clooney and whoever the older Pears Brosnan or whatever. These guys in their 40s or 50s sometimes, you know, in terms of world sexiest man is the average age of the world's sexiest, you know, sexiest guy by when people doves. It was probably 40.

57:11 Drew Sean Connery.

57:13 Guest Yeah, he was like 70.

57:15 Adam Yeah, I mean, half these guys are in their 60s and we're dubbing these guys the most sexiest men. So as a young teenage girl, what are you supposed to look at? And what are you supposed to think about?

57:31 Guest The thing is, though, like, I've thought about that a lot. And it's not even that I'm, like...

57:41 Caller Claire?

57:43 Adam It's not even that you're what?

57:45 Guest Well, I mean, like, it's more than just, like, attraction.

57:48 Adam Okay. Where's your dad? Okay.

57:52 Drew Has he been not around a lot?

57:55 Guest No, not at all.

57:56 Adam He's good. You've never acted on this?

57:59 Guest I have, actually.

58:01 Adam What's the oldest guy you've been with?

58:03 Guest 27.

58:05 Adam Did you have sex with him?

58:07 Guest No. He gave me a choice and I didn't.

58:10 Drew You had a choice?

58:11 Caller Yeah.

58:14 Adam What was the choice?

58:16 Guest Well, like he, we were like, yeah. Put your head here.

58:20 Drew I'm going to kill you.

58:20 Caller What?

58:21 Drew What was the choice?

58:23 Adam What was the choice?

58:24 Guest Oh, well, basically we were just like together, I guess. And while we were just doing stuff, he was like, if you want to, like, well, he basically laid it out to me. Do you want to have sex?

58:35 Drew This guy's an idiot. Asking a 14 year old.

58:38 Adam What? Sir Walter Raleigh. What a mature guy. He gave her a choice.

58:43 Drew What an idiot.

58:44 Adam Okay. So you said no.

58:46 Guest Right.

58:46 Adam But you had, what were you doing with him? Did you do other things with him?

58:49 Guest Yeah. He went down on me and we just made out a lot.

58:52 Drew He is a world class dick.

58:55 Adam Yeah.

58:55 Guest You're pretty clever by the sounds of it.

58:57 Guest No, but see, the thing is it's not, well, I mean, this situation like totally seems like, oh, he's going after the victim or whatever, but it, like, it was kind of me more like coming on a him.

59:08 Drew The reason those laws are in place are to protect you from these sorts of situations, because it's not good for you, even though you have these impulses. I understand that you initiate.

59:17 Right.

59:17 Drew The role of the adult is to set a boundary.

59:21 Right.

59:21 Adam And a lot of people make excuses for people, which is, well, it was me who initiated it, but any sane 27-year-old adult would not go in with a 14-year-old, no matter what she did, unless he was high. OK, so can you stop this? What broke it off with this guy?

59:40 Guest Oh, well, actually, I went on a trip this summer because my friend invited me and it's a college-age type trip. Well, there are parents run it. So I went with them and we like became good friends. And then one night it just kind of happened.

59:56 Adam Well, he was like a counselor or something.

59:59 Guest No, no, no.

59:59 Adam He was like a 27-year-old college student.

1:00:03 Guest Well, he's getting like a, I don't know, Ph.D. something or other.

1:00:08 I don't know if you like he was getting a PIG.

1:00:10 Adam I'll tell you that.

1:00:14 Guest Because he went to like, I don't know, he went to like.

1:00:17 Adam All right. Can you stop this then?

1:00:21 Guest Well, with him, it's like we just all we do is email and it's fine. We're just friends.

1:00:25 Adam No, no, no. You will realize one day what it's just a pig. This guy is what an ass he is.

1:00:33 Guest The thing is, so like, like the guy was just an exit on everything. But I like I feel more like at ease with older people in general.

1:00:46 Drew Claire, we get your impulse. We don't have a problem with that. We have a problem with the guys you're finding to connect with, the fact that they're responding, and the fact that you're actually following through on these impulses.

1:00:58 Adam Yeah. So don't do it. I know, I know. We may, maybe we're not helping her, but I don't know what else to say than just stop it. Just trust us. We're smart. Drew's smart. And stop. And these guys, I don't know why. I know it's so easy to get angry at them, but the guy who gives them the choice. Now you see, he gives her the choice because if she says yes, then he can sleep with a clear conscience. Yeah, it was her doing it.

1:01:26 Drew As though a fortune will con-render consent.

1:01:29 Adam It's just the fact that you're in a situation where you're asking the 14 year old. After I go down on the 14 year old, doesn't your 14, what don't most girls, the vagina has a retainer, right? I mean, at least braces. At least braces. I mean, Jesus Christ. It's so pathetic. And he's in college and he's emailing her. You see, to me, I almost respect just a pure old fashioned pedophile. Just a guy just grabs a 14 year old, drags her in the bushes, just rapes her and gets it over with rather than Mr. Go Down and email. And it's up to you kind of guy. This guy's even scarier for some reason. Okay. Not as scary as the individual pees in an ice bucket. Sober. Sober.

1:02:16 Drew Stone cold sober.

1:02:18 Adam Jumping rope.

1:02:21 You sicken me.

1:02:23 Adam Brant?

1:02:24 Yeah?

1:02:24 Adam You're 17?

1:02:26 Caller Yeah. First of all, can I give a shout out to my girlfriend?

1:02:29 Adam No.

1:02:32 Caller Anyway, well, we had sex tonight about three hours ago.

1:02:38 Adam You and your girlfriend?

1:02:40 Yeah.

1:02:40 Adam All right. Give her a shout out. Was it good sex?

1:02:42 Yeah.

1:02:42 Caller Hell yeah it was.

1:02:43 Adam Yeah. Give her a shout out. No.

1:02:45 Caller Felicia, what's up? This is Brant. I love you.

1:02:47 Adam Did you get the F word in there, Anderson? We're having a...

1:02:52 Drew Three nights of this.

1:02:53 Adam Of people...

1:02:55 Drew Blurting F and S into sentences under their breath.

1:03:01 Adam Yes. Having a lot of difficulty not using the F and S word on the radio and not to make a point just in sort of, you know, casual conversation. They're not angry at anybody.

1:03:15 Drew Under their breath, always. Yeah.

1:03:17 Adam Right.

1:03:19 Guest I think there's... Get them back, though.

1:03:22 Adam Now, we got to put them on hold for a minute.

1:03:25 Guest It didn't really sound like he had a problem. I mean, he got just a little late. I mean, why didn't he just be chilling?

1:03:30 Guest Right.

1:03:31 Adam He got late.

1:03:32 Drew Maybe a pregnancy involved here. Come on.

1:03:33 Adam Was that his problem?

1:03:34 Drew Yeah.

1:03:34 Caller Come on.

1:03:35 Adam What line is the other?

1:03:36 Guest What do you know in three hours?

1:03:38 Adam All right. Brandt.

1:03:39 Caller Yeah.

1:03:41 Adam So what's your question without using the F word, please?

1:03:45 Drew Quickly.

1:03:46 Caller Well, me and my girlfriend had sex about four or five hours ago. She just got off the pill.

1:03:53 Adam Hold on. We just put them on hold for two hours? So we had, you guys had sex about seven, eight hours ago, right?

1:04:07 Caller And like two days before, she just ran out of the pill or though tricycling or whatever. And I was wondering if there's either like a big chance you might get pregnant or a small chance.

1:04:21 Drew She ran out, meaning she had finished the 30 day cycle. 30 days.

1:04:26 Adam Yeah.

1:04:27 Drew And so she should have restarted two days ago.

1:04:29 Adam Yeah.

1:04:31 Drew Low chance, but still not, it's still reasonable to take the morning after pill.

1:04:36 Guest Okay.

1:04:37 Caller Do you know where I might be able to get that?

1:04:39 Drew Yes. It's where you're calling from California. It's now available throughout California without a prescription.

1:04:44 Caller All right.

1:04:45 Drew I'm trying to find some way that we can organize a group of physicians that can get up protocols together that pharmacists can access whenever, wherever. So you can just go to any pharmacy and get it. But right now you have to find pharmacies that have it. You might call 1-800-1888 not too late, not NOT., the number two, late. Okay. They have pharmacies referrals for emergency contraceptions.

1:05:07 Adam All right there, Brent. Good luck. And all right, that's good. You're getting on it. Yeah?

1:05:14 Drew Yeah.

1:05:14 Adam And what about that? She hadn't taken the pill in two days.

1:05:17 Drew Very unlikely.

1:05:18 Adam Very unlikely?

1:05:18 Drew Yeah.

1:05:19 Adam When does it start getting likely?

1:05:21 Drew Couple weeks.

1:05:22 Adam Couple weeks, really? I mean, we don't want to give anyone the green light to do this, but week after the pill stopped, still going pretty good?

1:05:30 Caller All right.

1:05:32 Adam Alex?

1:05:33 Yeah.

1:05:33 Adam You're 15?

1:05:34 Caller Yeah.

1:05:34 Adam What's up?

1:05:35 Caller Okay. I have this friend, and is it cool if I don't say his name? Okay. He weighs like 300 pounds, 300 and some pounds, and he takes Adderall. He smokes a lot of weed, and he drinks enough, and he comes from a family of alcoholism.

1:05:56 Drew Why don't you call the doctor who's prescribing the Adderall, and tell him or her what you see, and let them take care of it?

1:06:02 Caller Well, I don't know his doctors.

1:06:04 Drew You never see the pill bottles or anything for the Adderall?

1:06:08 Caller No, I see his dog's pill bottles.

1:06:11 Drew Well, that will be helpful.

1:06:12 Adam Well, why don't you call the vet, and explain what his dog is taking, that you're worried that he's hooked on this worm medication, and that he's drinking out of the toilet again.

1:06:22 Drew And, Alex, certainly you can confront you.

1:06:25 Adam Even a dog wouldn't stupidly pee in an ice bucket.

1:06:29 Drew Doug has a purpose when he's peeing around the house.

1:06:31 Adam That's how I mark my own house.

1:06:33 Caller I mean, I talked to our eighth grade teacher.

1:06:36 Adam Oh, hold on a second. What does this dog's pills have to do with this, Alex?

1:06:41 Caller No, those are the only pills that lay around the house.

1:06:43 Drew Only bottles he's seen.

1:06:44 Caller Yeah.

1:06:45 Adam I know, but it's still kind of a weird... Is this bogus?

1:06:48 Drew No, no, no. No. That detail you're going to think of in the middle of a bogus life?

1:06:52 Guest It's like you jumping rope and then peeing in an ice bucket.

1:06:55 Drew Yeah, you don't make those things up.

1:06:59 Adam You wish you did.

1:07:01 Drew Alex, have you discussed with him your concerns about his health?

1:07:04 Caller You know what? I haven't.

1:07:06 Drew Alright, you might just bring it up in a way that lets him know you care about him.

1:07:10 Adam How old is he?

1:07:11 Caller He's also 15.

1:07:12 Drew He's on a destructive course. He's got a family issue of alcoholism. Does he worry about it? Could he talk to his doctor about it?

1:07:18 Caller Like, I'm afraid he's going to get like pissed about it. So a couple of weeks ago, I went to my old eighth grade teacher, our old eighth grade teacher. She knew us both real well. And I told her about it. And she told me to tell him about the second city, I'm calling from Chicago. You know what the second city is, right?

1:07:36 Drew The troupe, the comedy troupe?

1:07:38 Adam I'm starting to think this is...

1:07:39 Drew It's starting to sound like it, yeah.

1:07:40 Adam Yeah.

1:07:41 Caller And she said maybe, you know, I could get him interested in that. And maybe that will get his mind off all these, you know, different kinds of weed and alcohol.

1:07:51 Adam Sure. Improv will cure many an addict.

1:07:56 Drew It's perfectly good for methadone and heroin.

1:07:59 Adam What is that? The eight step improv, where the whole group tries to lift an imaginary manhole cover over their head in slow motion.

1:08:07 Drew Create one of those machines where each one of them makes a moving part.

1:08:10 Adam And they're all connected.

1:08:11 Drew Good times. What is with an eighth grade teacher that would create a suggestion like that? That is insane.

1:08:18 Guest Yeah, but maybe this guy is taking it in the context.

1:08:21 Guest I'm sure she's recommending a group or some social interaction.

1:08:25 Drew Yeah, but this is way off from what this kid needs. I mean, just a complete...

1:08:31 Adam Well, maybe there's a rehab center called Second City or something. And he'd gotten confused to think, well, look, it worked for John Candy.

1:08:38 Caller I mean, I was just going to say.

1:08:40 Guest Maybe she thinks comedy is the answer.

1:08:42 Adam Maybe. Hey, Alex, this guy is your friend, right?

1:08:48 Caller Yeah, he's my best friend.

1:08:49 Adam Your best friend? Listen, screwball, this is your best friend. You go have a talk with him. That's why he's your best friend. You just tell him what your fears are, what you told us.

1:09:00 Drew If he gets pissed off, that's his problem.

1:09:02 Adam Well, why are you sneaking around your best friend?

1:09:05 Caller Well, I mean, I've mentioned it to him jokingly, you know.

1:09:08 Adam Well, it's all that improv training you have.

1:09:10 Caller Don't kid. You're going to poke yourself retarded.

1:09:13 Drew Listen, you are enabling his behaviors. You are not being a good friend. Be a friend. Bring it up with him honestly.

1:09:21 Adam Be your best friend. Tell him what best friends are supposed to do this. They're supposed to be looking for opportunities to do these things to their friends.

1:09:28 Drew To humiliate. Yes, to humiliate, right.

1:09:32 Adam The guy has got a hold of some cowboy boots with a weird silver heel on it or something. You poke fun at him. It's a bad haircut.

1:09:39 Drew Pee in a bucket.

1:09:41 Adam Pee in an ice bucket. It's not like there was ice in it, by the way. I mean, I want to clarify that.

1:09:45 Drew At least then you could have pretended you were at a bar or something.

1:09:48 Guest You were jumping rope, but you wouldn't walk to the bathroom. This is your workout? Yeah.

1:09:53 Drew Now, let me tell you something. The bathroom is visible from where he was jumping rope.

1:09:56 Adam How dare you? How dare you?

1:09:58 Drew It's a little around the corner. Little, little. Four feet around the corner? Three feet.

1:10:02 Adam No. How dare you? It is eight to nine feet around the corner. And then for where I am jumping the rope, it's a good 21 feet before you even get to the corner. Then you have to negotiate the corner.

1:10:17 Guest You're probably exhausted from the jumping.

1:10:18 Adam I was tired and trying to conserve energy.

1:10:21 Guest It sounds fair.

1:10:22 Drew So again, it's eight steps. Eight steps. It's not BS either.

1:10:29 Caller Eight steps.

1:10:31 Adam You know, Drew, I'm not right in the front of the living room. I'm over to the end by the big window there. So it's a little bit of a hike. Although to be fair, the ice bucket wasn't right there either. The ice bucket was upstairs.

1:10:43 Drew Were you declaring yourself in front of the window? Was this for the world to see and behold? Behold!

1:10:47 Adam How dare you?

1:10:48 Drew I'm the Master of Ice Surveying with Peter Bucket.

1:10:51 Adam No, I have quiet dignity. I turned my back to the window.

1:10:56 Guest Who has no dignity left now?

1:10:59 Adam I'm really wondering what she was thinking.

1:11:03 Guest Cha-ching!

1:11:05 Adam All right. Let's take ourselves a little break. And we'll be right back after this. Loveline. Hey, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. After the show, I'm going to get home and cramp in an urn. Got my grandfather's urn. It's right next to the bar. See if I can make number two.

1:11:46 Drew A planter or something.

1:11:47 Adam Number two in that.

1:11:49 Drew Something really an animal would do. You know, the carpet.

1:11:52 Adam Yeah.

1:11:52 Caller Come on.

1:11:54 Adam You're right. I really have to examine that. I'm really going to give that some thought. I'm really going to give some deep thought. Eddie Kaye Thomas and Sean Maguire are guests tonight from Off Center. It is on WB. It is on Sunday Nights. And it is on at nine o'clock. So what are you guys up against Sunday night, nine o'clock?

1:12:16 Guest Nothing big, is it?

1:12:18 Guest X-Files.

1:12:19 Guest Did you say that?

1:12:23 Adam HBO.

1:12:24 Guest Oh, that's Sex in the Trousers show.

1:12:26 Adam Not heard of that. Not heard of that. Not a cable fan. Not a cable fan.

1:12:30 Guest But what we give, they don't offer anywhere else. Right.

1:12:33 Adam Commercials, sir.

1:12:35 Guest Oh, our brand of entertainment.

1:12:37 Adam Oh, yeah, that's what I meant.

1:12:38 Drew Speaking of that.

1:12:39 Guest It's unique, it's true, it's very, very special.

1:12:41 Drew Brands of entertainment. An interesting experience today. My daughter stayed home sick from school and she discovered 70s television today.

1:12:46 Guest Oh, I was a big fan of 70s television on sick days.

1:12:50 Drew See, Adam and I grew up on this. We actually lived in 70s television.

1:12:53 Guest And was it Rhonda and Vernon Shirley?

1:12:55 Drew No, I dream of Jeannie and BeWitched. And try explaining to her.

1:13:00 Adam That's 60s TV, by the way.

1:13:02 Drew Was it 60s? Yeah, late 60s. Probably. Try explaining to her, like, why did they do this, Dad? Well, there was a show called BeWitched and she was a witch and she couldn't use her magic. And so they made another show with a Jeannie and she can't use her magic either. She marries, I mean, try to explain that to a child. It's like, wait, wait, wait, what was going through these guy's heads when they created this?

1:13:22 Guest She could use a lot of drugs.

1:13:25 Guest She used her magic on BeWitched.

1:13:26 Adam Yeah, but he didn't want her to.

1:13:29 Drew But that was the drama. That was the tension. That was the tension. And in Dream of Jeannie, she marries him. Same thing. No magic, Jeannie.

1:13:36 Guest Isn't it the same guy? Wasn't it the same?

1:13:38 Drew No, my daughter went through that too. They look alike. They're kind of alike. I said, well, there was.

1:13:42 Guest And JR was bewitched, wasn't it?

1:13:44 Drew Yeah. No, JR was a dream of Jeannie.

1:13:47 Adam But let me. These two broads found the only two men in the United States who would not go for their magic. And they're both. You know the thing that's amazing about both these stories is they both have A-holes for bosses who do nothing but chew them out when they go either to the advertising firm or over to Cape Canaveral.

1:14:11 Drew This is when the man was getting his reputation.

1:14:13 Adam Here's all I'm saying. Maybe if you had a job as an author of children's books or you worked with UNICEF or something, maybe you could see not having your genie or witch wife whip you up a castle or just the Budweiser pony kegs, you know the big Budweiser car to be dragged around by Clydesdales on yelling I'm the king of all I survey. But you got an a-hole boss and a kind of crappy job, you're going to be all over this like every Monday. Are you going into work with that asshole Larry Tate chewing on you? No way.

1:14:50 Drew If you had a magic wife. And then in this, in our dream of genius, one episode she was watching, probably he's hanging all over JR with Larry.

1:14:58 Adam Yeah, Larry Hagman.

1:14:59 Drew And he's like, they have nothing to do with it. That confused my daughter. And what? How does a nine year old confused by this? Right.

1:15:06 Adam Two totally hot chicks who just want to sexually please and do magic to please their man. And they'll have none of it. They're so worried about their boss.

1:15:14 Guest They should remake this show.

1:15:15 Drew What is that?

1:15:16 Guest This would go down well now.

1:15:17 Adam Right. Oh, my God. Could you imagine?

1:15:20 Drew I mean, it really it strikes you weird when you try to explain to a nine year old and she doesn't get it. It's like, right. What? I think what's up? What? What was that pitch like? Can I just say how high were the guys in the room when they pitched those shows?

1:15:32 Guest Along the same lines, I've got a 15 year old sister, he actually turned 16 today and she came in from school when she was nine once. And she said to me, sure, is it true? Right. All my friends at school say that Michael Jackson used to be black. That's not true. She actually said that and had no idea.

1:15:48 Guest That's true.

1:15:50 Guest So I dream of Jeannie not so hard after that.

1:15:53 Adam So they couldn't be. It couldn't have been any higher than the Hogan's Heroes pitch, which is no, no, no, it's a prison camp. Yeah, Nazi Germany. No, comedy. No, Phil, you're not hearing me. Comedy, primetime, half hour comedy. No, yeah, laugh track, whole thing. The guards. Yeah, Nazis. Oh, no, but lovable, lovable, friendly guys, friendly guys. One big fat, lovable one named Schultz. They get along with him.

1:16:16 Drew I got a monocle on. Rock face guy with a monocle.

1:16:20 Adam Yeah, he's spoiling him.

1:16:23 Drew You're not smart. I'm all the time.

1:16:24 Adam Hold on a second. Phil, before you get insulting, were you there? Were you there? Answer the question. No, you weren't. So you don't know what went on, do you? No, do it. Phil, answer. OK, thank you. You don't know. Oh, please. You're going to play the Jew card? Seriously, Phil. Come on, we're trying to do some comedy here.

1:16:42 Drew It couldn't have fallen far behind Gilligan's Island.

1:16:44 Adam I know, but just the Hogan's Hero's pitch. I mean, it's not like it was 200 years after the Nazis exterminated six million Jews.

1:16:52 Drew It was 15 years.

1:16:52 Adam Oh, the guy had probably been working on the pitch in the late 40s. They were still pulling people out of Auschwitz and burying them when the guy came up with the initial premise. Janice?

1:17:07 Yeah.

1:17:07 Adam You're 21. What's going on?

1:17:10 Caller I'm sorry. I was just wondering.

1:17:16 Adam Hold on a second. Maybe we should start working on a sitcom about the World Trade Center.

1:17:20 Guest Somebody already has.

1:17:22 Guest No way. I swear to God, there was a story that somebody had been to the sitcom about two of the surviving relatives get together and the sitcom was going to be based on that.

1:17:30 Drew And the antics ensue. Genius, genius.

1:17:32 Caller Really?

1:17:33 Drew No, no, Afghanistan, we're in al-Qaeda camp. I got it now.

1:17:38 Adam Al-Qaeda camp.

1:17:39 Drew Yeah.

1:17:40 Adam And we're prisoners of war and we're sending out messages. All right. Janice?

1:17:45 Caller Yeah.

1:17:46 Caller Go ahead.

1:17:48 Caller Okay. I was wondering, the only time that I can have an orgasm is when I'm having anal sex. And I just, I'm wondering if that's normal or what I can do or if it's not normal or you know.

1:18:09 Drew Why is it, is something that concerns you in some way?

1:18:12 Caller Well, I can't. Well, when someone goes down on me, I don't have it.

1:18:19 Drew Here's the only thing that concerns me about it, is that the question is coming from someone that sounds like she just came off of tour duty in Vietnam.

1:18:27 Adam Yeah.

1:18:28 Drew That's the only disturbing part about this. And that it means something.

1:18:32 Adam Have you been through a lot in your relatively short life there, Janice?

1:18:37 Drew She's 21. Does not sound 21.

1:18:38 Adam No.

1:18:40 Caller I don't understand.

1:18:42 Adam Let me ask you some questions. You ever been strung out on anything?

1:18:46 Caller No.

1:18:49 Adam Never addicted to anything?

1:18:50 Guest Smoked, non-filtered cigarettes?

1:18:52 Caller I mean, I don't smoke. I drink a little bit. You know, nothing. Except for your dad.

1:19:01 Adam Dad's good to you?

1:19:02 Caller Or anything.

1:19:03 Adam You love your dad? You love your dad?

1:19:05 Caller Yeah.

1:19:06 Adam OK. You see him?

1:19:07 Caller He's a good guy.

1:19:08 Adam Part of your life?

1:19:08 Caller Uh-huh.

1:19:09 Adam OK.

1:19:09 Caller Yeah. My mom.

1:19:10 Adam Never been molested or raped?

1:19:13 Caller No.

1:19:13 Drew Physically abused?

1:19:16 Caller I... Well, no. I... I mean, I had a, you know, my boyfriend who introduced me to, you know, anal sex, and he was real gentle about it and everything, and I just... I just... I don't know. I just found that I... It was kind of uncomfortable, but kind of, um...

1:19:34 Drew You like it? All right. That's fine.

1:19:35 Caller Exciting, too.

1:19:36 Drew Again, you like it, and you shouldn't be ashamed of that. We're just sort of exploring you, and less... less your behavior.

1:19:42 Caller I guess what I'm wondering, what's kind of confused me is how... how I can have an orgasm with anal sex without, you know, being stimulated down, you know, my clitoris.

1:19:57 Drew No one is more confused than us. But...

1:19:59 Adam but listen, women work that way.

1:20:01 Drew Yeah.

1:20:02 Caller Okay.

1:20:03 Adam That's just part of, you know, God's plan. I mean, you wouldn't think his plan would be... so relying on sodomy, but as it turns out, it's true. Yeah. He didn't think that one out. That's okay. That's fine. Yes. If you're not, you know, being forced to do something you don't want to do, and you really enjoy this, and there's probably, I don't know what percentage of females are into this and truly into it, not just coerced by their boyfriends. Maybe it's 5% that really seemed to enjoy it. Drew, was that lower or were you just pretending to put a thumb in something?

1:20:41 Drew Thumb in something.

1:20:42 Adam 3%?

1:20:43 Caller Yeah.

1:20:44 Adam Whatever. You're part of that elite, what we call, eagle anal squadron. Okay, Janice?

1:20:52 Caller Yeah.

1:20:52 Adam So you enjoy it. That's fine. It seems like a lot of work, though.

1:20:56 Caller Well, how do I go about having, you know, I guess what people would call a normal orgasm. You know, I guess I'm just kind of confused because how can my understanding is that when you stimulate the clitoris, that's when you can get excited and have an orgasm.

1:21:20 Drew Yeah, but women are different.

1:21:24 Adam We're just telling you that these rules do not all apply universally to all women. They do to most women, but not to you. All right.

1:21:36 Caller Okay.

1:21:36 Adam Do you have any kids?

1:21:39 Caller No.

1:21:41 Adam Okay. Where do you work? Are you a nurse?

1:21:46 Caller Well, I guess I could tell you, yeah, I am in the medical profession.

1:21:53 Drew What do you do?

1:21:54 Caller I'm a nurse. I'm a nurse. I just is getting off work.

1:22:00 Drew Wouldn't the appropriate reaction be like, Oh my God, Adam, how did you know that?

1:22:05 Adam No. You know why? You know why? Because it's like, if you guess the profession of a bass that you pull up from the ocean, it doesn't register at all. Yeah. All right.

1:22:22 Drew Doesn't that even give you more evidence that something's up there?

1:22:25 Adam Janice, you don't find it impressive and or coincidental that I guess your profession.

1:22:31 Caller Well, who would be coming home from work at this time?

1:22:34 Drew And how do we know you're coming on from work, Janice?

1:22:37 Caller Well, I thought I told the guy on the radio because you may have told the screener.

1:22:41 Adam You didn't buy the way. Hold on. Who would be coming home from work at this time at night?

1:22:47 Drew A policeman?

1:22:48 Adam Anybody who worked at a graveyard or a second shift or a swing shift or anyone who worked at a gas station or a convenience store or a truck stop or even fast food places, who would be coming home? Naturally, a nurse. Hey, when we drive home tonight, all the people we see on the road, nurses, all nurses, all nurses except for us, oh, and you guys. That's it. Oh, and Anderson. Everyone else, nurse.

1:23:17 Caller Idiots.

1:23:18 Adam All right. Well, anyway, thank you, Janice. You make me feel extra special. Okay.

1:23:26 Drew But Janice, I do believe something is up with you.

1:23:29 Adam Something's up with her.

1:23:30 Drew Yeah.

1:23:31 Adam She's got, there's something I can hear in her voice.

1:23:33 Caller Yeah.

1:23:35 Drew Yeah.

1:23:35 Adam Yeah. Okay.

1:23:36 Drew I was going to say, by the way, a nurse at a mash unit in Vietnam. That was what I got from her.

1:23:42 Adam Seen a lot.

1:23:43 Drew Yeah.

1:23:43 Adam Something sees a lot of pain every day. Okay. Let's take ourselves a break. Who else would be coming home at that hour?

1:23:52 Drew And we didn't know she was coming home from work, by the way.

1:23:54 Adam Listen, here's the way this show goes. Once in a while, I guess somebody's profession, like the one time I said that this guy's this girl's this girl's boyfriend worked at a batting cage. And in fact, he did work at a batting cage.

1:24:09 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

1:24:09 Adam Yeah. Yeah. And no with no there's nothing on the screen or there's no discussion of it. And they take it in stride.

1:24:17 Drew They absolutely take it in the stop. A beat.

1:24:20 Guest You guys really believe she was a nurse?

1:24:22 Drew Yeah.

1:24:23 Guest She just seemed like so.

1:24:24 Adam Why would she say she was a nurse?

1:24:26 Guest I don't believe she was 21.

1:24:27 Drew Oh, well, she was hiding it.

1:24:30 Adam She didn't want to say what she did because I think she was for fear. She had a question.

1:24:34 Guest She didn't want to go to work.

1:24:35 Guest She also said she would recognize the job and the occupation.

1:24:37 Drew Her voice was sort of distinctive.

1:24:38 Guest You're the angel girl.

1:24:40 Drew Right.

1:24:41 Adam We'll take our say, anima nurse. We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back.

1:24:59 Caller Loveline on 947 and RK.

1:25:17 Caller Hi, this is Dexter and Noodles from The Offspring, and you're listening to Loveline with that asshole Adam Corolla and that guy that's full of himself, thinks he always knows what he's talking about, Dr. Drew.

1:25:26 Adam I hate that guy.

1:25:27 Caller I could do better than that.

1:25:29 Adam Sean Maguire is here, and so is Eddie Kaye Thomas from Off Center. That is Sunday nights on the WB, nine o'clock, y'all. And like I said, we should all watch this show. And I'm gonna Tivo it, and all that. It's up against a lot of alias. But you know what? Hot chicks have a lot of trouble doing stuff. I mean, hot chicks have trouble working as receptionists. What's all the hot chicks secret agent stuff?

1:26:01 Guest That's the one thing Off Center sells, and we put in gratuitous hot chicks simply for gratuitous hot chicks. Every week there's a...

1:26:10 Guest We'll laugh, and then all of a sudden, while you're thinking, I don't know whether that was funny or not, then they'll just stick a hot chick there and you go, oh, she's nice, and then we'll try and make you laugh again.

1:26:17 Adam I'd like to see hot chicks relaxing by the pool, not kicking espionage ass.

1:26:23 Guest Well, that's more our kind of thing.

1:26:24 Drew I thought you liked frolicing.

1:26:26 Adam And frolicing.

1:26:27 Guest There's a little bit of frolicing.

1:26:28 Adam Yeah. After, after, let's say 20 minutes of frolic, then you relax by the pool. Then it's back to frolicing.

1:26:35 Guest And there's a winning formula.

1:26:38 Adam I'd like to just come out of the show called Frolic. Just chicks frolicing.

1:26:43 Guest In the Nazi prison camp.

1:26:44 Adam Guest frolics. Yeah. LeBeau. Oh my God. And I told you LeBeau spoke at my high school about the Holocaust. You know what I mean? Other...

1:26:55 Drew Which one was LeBeau?

1:26:56 Adam I think, could things have gotten worse? The, the, the field trip was to the Larry Seasoning Plant in Eagle Rock. And the guest speaker was LeBeau, the little Frenchman, speaking about the Holocaust to us in 1982 from, from Hogan's Heroes. He was the, the Frenchman. Now this is wonderful. Jesus.

1:27:20 Guest An actor on Hogan's Heroes telling you about the Holocaust. My friend knows.

1:27:25 Adam Yes.

1:27:25 Guest Because he was on Hogan's Heroes.

1:27:26 Adam Someone should have just stood up and yelled sell out. Let me tell you, there's nothing more exciting to a 17-year-old high school student when you find out that LeBeau is going to speak to you for an hour and 20 minutes about the Holocaust in the auditorium.

1:27:42 Drew I heard that Larry, Larry Storch was making the rounds talking about the plight of the North American Indians too, around that same time.

1:27:49 Adam That's right, the Hikaui tribe, the Hiawara tribe. What the hell is going on with Larry's seasoning plant? Oh, I got to sue somebody for my childhood. John? Yeah, this is where we pack at the taco seasoning. If you'd like, you could take a sample home. Yeah, I'll just eat that straight on the bus on the way back. Just pound that straight taco seasoning. Seasoning, taking packets, packets of seasoning for the road. Oh, this is great. What a keepsake. This is going right in my memory glass. Jesus Christ. I like to suck everyone right in the stomach. John?

1:28:35 Caller Yeah, hello?

1:28:35 Adam You're 21. What's up?

1:28:37 Caller Yeah, I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and a half. And pretty much, like, we just, we haven't had sex or anything, and I'm just getting kind of desperate and I don't know how to confront her about it or anything.

1:28:48 Drew Confront her? When you guys talk about having sex, what's her reaction?

1:28:53 Caller We've messed around and stuff and we've gotten kind of close and stuff. And what happens is when I start, I guess she complains about some kind of pain or whatever. And so I stop and I ease off and I don't push it any further.

1:29:05 Drew I just let her do it. When you try to penetrate this pain?

1:29:08 Caller Yeah. And she said, and I told her, you know, because I've heard your show and stuff, I said, well, you should see a doctor or something or whatever. And she said, no, it's not like that. It's pure reason. She's describing it like as soon as I go in, like there's just like so many nerve endings or whatever that I'm simulating.

1:29:21 Caller So no, I'm not.

1:29:23 Drew If you've heard our show, we talk about something called vaginismus, which is a spasm of the muscles down there that can be very painful.

1:29:29 Caller Right.

1:29:29 Drew Until she loosens up and relaxes and learns to sort of get used to this. It's not going to change. And if she doesn't, then then it is something that needs to be taken care of formally.

1:29:39 Caller I think. I don't know.

1:29:40 Adam Hey, wait a minute. This loosening up thing. This is interesting, because you always say, you know, there's this sort of wives' tale that women loosen up. They get loose down there. Quiet down. I know what you're going to say. But in a sense, this is kind of what they mean.

1:29:55 Drew Yes, absolutely.

1:29:57 Adam That a woman who has had a lot of sex and a lot of sexual partners is more relaxed and not so tight and freaked out over the thing, thus making it looser down there.

1:30:07 Guest So you're saying that all that stuff, if a girl has a lot of sex with a lot of well-endowed...

1:30:13 Adam It will not change anything. It doesn't stretch them out, but in a sense, it does. It does in a sense. It makes it easier to deal with.

1:30:21 Drew More receptive.

1:30:22 Adam Because it makes it more pliable or more sensitive. Yeah, I mean, if you're tight, you're going to have, or uptight, you will be tight. And if you're relaxed, it'll be more accessible. Yes, John.

1:30:35 Caller Yeah.

1:30:36 Adam OK, so is she a religious person?

1:30:40 Caller Well, we both are, really, but not like hardcore or anything.

1:30:43 Adam I mean, are you a virgin?

1:30:45 Caller No.

1:30:46 Adam You've had sex, really?

1:30:47 Caller Yeah.

1:30:48 Adam With a pillow or with a girl?

1:30:50 Caller With a girl.

1:30:51 Adam Really?

1:30:52 Caller Yeah, I'm a virgin.

1:30:53 Adam You know it. Not a lot, though, right?

1:30:56 Caller No, not a lot, not at all. But I know she's like really tight and really tense and stuff when we do stuff like that.

1:31:02 Adam So do whatever Drew said.

1:31:04 Drew Does she want to wait until marriage? Is that her whole plan?

1:31:08 Adam She doesn't, but her vagina does.

1:31:10 Drew Exactly, exactly. Arnold?

1:31:14 Adam Her vagina snuck over to one of those Promise Keepers meetings in the middle of the night and signed up for something. Arnold?

1:31:21 Caller Good morning.

1:31:22 Adam Good morning. Good. Oh, this is Schwarzenegger.

1:31:25 Caller I want to ask you a bunch of questions.

1:31:27 Adam All right. He's doing all the recorded, the pre-recorded drop stuff.

1:31:32 Caller People before technology, my name is Vance. And what's your name?

1:31:36 Caller I'm Detective John Kimball. Detective John Kimball.

1:31:39 Adam That's...

1:31:39 Caller I'm a cop, you idiot.

1:31:41 Adam Is this a cool...

1:31:42 Guest No, this is big on the Internet. I've actually gotten this call. Is this a cool...

1:31:46 Guest Right.

1:31:47 Guest No, no. It's a website that has a bunch of...

1:31:51 Guest Get out, more people. Get a girlfriend.

1:31:54 Guest Arnold Schwarzenegger quotes.

1:31:56 Adam Yeah, they do, but it'll...

1:31:57 Guest Thanks for calling Gateway. We're opening people before technology. My name is Cassie. What's yours?

1:32:01 Caller I'm Detective John Kimball.

1:32:03 Guest John, how are you doing tonight?

1:32:05 Caller How are you?

1:32:05 Guest Good. Are you looking at possibly adding on to your gateway?

1:32:09 Caller Yeah.

1:32:10 Guest Okay. Have you had your gateway for more than 30 days, John?

1:32:13 Caller Yes.

1:32:13 Guest Oh.

1:32:14 Adam Right. So you get the idea. You just take drops, you hit the right button, and you're gonna have a whole conversation. To me, the most comical part of that whole thing is not the ruse part. It's the Schwarzenegger being named John Kimball. I like when they do that, where they go, John Kimball is a Chicago cop. And the guy goes, I've been on the force for 37 years, and my father was on the force, and his grandfather too. It's like, really? Where's the thick Australian accent come from? You don't want to address that? Well, hold on. What's your name in real life? Schwarzenegger? Yeah, you know why? Because you come from Austria, you see? And you got this thick accent. So you just, it has to be addressed. Give the guy the last name, at least Schneider. How about Schwartz?

1:33:09 Guest Because Arnold's an all-American here. I saw him carrying a big flag on Jay Leno. He's as American as you guys, isn't he?

1:33:17 Adam But they give him, like his next movie, his collateral damage is coming up. He's going to play like some Detroit firemen and he's going to have a thick accent. But I guarantee his name will be Bob Campbell.

1:33:32 Drew Or Old Malley.

1:33:33 Adam Bob O'Malley. 27-year veteran.

1:33:38 Guest But then there is Sean Connery. As a Russian submarine commander with the strongest Scottish accent you've ever heard.

1:33:44 Adam Well, maybe you're right.

1:33:45 Guest Yeah.

1:33:47 Adam Give me his name. Let me just hear his name one more time.

1:33:49 Caller Welcome to Gateway.

1:33:50 Guest We'll put people before technology.

1:33:51 Adam My name is Vance. And what's your name?

1:33:53 Caller I'm Detective John Kimball.

1:33:56 Adam I am John Kimball. OK, we'll take a break.

1:34:00 Guest We'll be back.

1:34:01 Caller OK, so I know there's nothing wrong with me.

1:34:03 Caller So what's up?

1:34:04 Caller So I was like, you know, I used to think that these datelines were totally cheesy.

1:34:07 Drew Why can't I meet anybody?

1:34:08 Caller But I tried everything else and thought, what the hell?

1:34:10 Caller So I called the Dateline and actually met a cool guy. And I called the Dateline and I hooked up with some cool people. Believe it or not, other normal people are out there looking too.

1:34:16 Drew 877-889-DATE.

1:34:50 Adam All right. Oh Lordy, you guys are lucky we're out of time.

1:34:53 Drew Lordy.

1:34:55 Adam Yeah.

1:34:55 Drew Lord have mercy.

1:34:57 Adam Yeah. I want to thank Eddie and Sean for coming in here tonight and putting up with Drew, who's in rare form, rare form and quite a move.

1:35:05 Drew You're going to get some sleep tonight? You're not going back to Melbourne one morning?

1:35:08 Adam No. I'm going to get myself some sleep.

1:35:11 Drew You got Diana here tomorrow night. It's going to be like old times.

1:35:13 Adam Yeah. I love that Diane Farr. She's she's a very good aide.

1:35:17 Guest She was the brunette on the MTV show.

1:35:19 Adam Yes. She's smart and sexy and she's a good time. Don't overdo it. It sounds like you're compensating for Diane.

1:35:27 Drew I like Diane. I would count her as a friend.

1:35:29 Adam I know. But you never talked to her or see her.

1:35:32 Drew I can't count my kids' birthday party.

1:35:34 Adam You paid her to.

1:35:35 Drew You didn't show.

1:35:37 Adam They know I love them. I was too busy peeing.

1:35:39 Guest I was just about to say, you really want that around the kids.

1:35:43 Adam Very good point.

1:35:44 Drew That's the point.

1:35:44 Adam Off-center, everybody. 9 o'clock Sunday nights on the WB. Thanks a lot, guys.

1:35:49 Guest Thanks for having us.

1:35:50 Guest Very educational.

1:35:51 Adam So until next time, it's Adam Crawford, Dr. Drew Hussain. Mahala.

1:35:55 Guest I'm Detective John Kimball.

Episode Feedback

Monday, January 14, 2002