Episode 1000754886714

1:02 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:13 Adam Hey, everybody. Guess who's back? It's Adam Corolla.

1:17 Drew Were you gone?

1:18 Adam And that's my partner, Dr. Drew, over there.

1:21 Drew So, how is it flying with a noseful of congestion?

1:24 Adam Very sassy, Drew.

1:25 Drew Yeah, I was gonna say.

1:26 Adam Nice. I wasn't congested until I got up in the plane.

1:32 Drew Well, that's when it counts, that going down part where you feel like your head's gonna explode.

1:36 Adam No, no, it did explode. I'm pretty sure. First off, my sunglasses, which I had propped up on my forehead.

1:44 Drew With the lovey shade over your eyes?

1:45 Adam They were clear on the other side of the plane. And I did put my hand up to ponder, you know, you scratch your head when you're thinking. Just a bloody stump.

1:54 Drew Oh, really?

1:55 Adam Yeah. Arteries hanging out.

1:56 Drew That's good.

1:57 Adam And I tried to talk on the cell phone, but that didn't work. So my head did actually explode, Drew.

2:01 Drew That's good. That's where you're wrong.

2:03 Adam All right. So phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. I'm just back from New Orleans, which is a very bizarre town. Yeah. Lots of color there. Lots of texture. You know what I mean? It's a town.

2:17 Drew Shiny.

2:18 Adam It's got its smells. You know what I mean? It's got its vibe. It's not like LA.

2:24 Drew Yeah.

2:24 Adam Everyone just gets in the car and talks on a cell phone, but boy, that New Orleans is crazy. And I'm learning to hate people from Massachusetts, by the way.

2:33 Drew Why?

2:35 Adam They're obnoxious fans. I didn't know how obnoxious the Bostonians were. Oh, they're really obnoxious.

2:41 Drew They can be.

2:42 Adam Oh yeah. I mean, walking around last night after the Pat's one, they're all the same dude. Big husky guys who sound like Dickie from the Boston.

2:52 Drew Yeah. Oh, Dickie is a classic Bostonian guy. Imagine Dickie with an attitude.

2:56 Adam Well, no. Dickie plus five inches, plus 50 pounds.

3:00 Drew Plus six beers.

3:01 Adam Six.

3:02 Drew Yeah. 16.

3:03 Adam Yeah. Oh, my God, everyone. Go Pats. Then they're just accosting you and grabbing you. Are you a Pats fan? Like, what are you going to say? Of course. Yeah, I'm a Pats fan. I'm from Foxborough. Yeah. All right. You don't believe me. No, why wouldn't I? Who's bragging about being from Foxborough? You want to see my license? No, no, I don't. I don't. Yeah. All right. Hold on. Hold on. Snoop, come here. Come here. Hold this guy. What are you doing with all those kind of them?

3:36 Drew Oh, my God.

3:37 Adam It's all the same guy. Big, fat, white, obnoxious dudes.

3:42 Drew A lot of-

3:42 Adam Drunk off their ass.

3:44 Drew A lot of translucent white with freckles kind of guy too. Does that hold?

3:48 Adam Just big barrel chested guys. Not big from working out.

3:53 Drew Yeah.

3:53 Adam Just big from being big. And eating a lot of buffalo wings and fried cheese and they were beside themselves. I mean, they were so happy with that Pats victory and they were just marching up and down town, up and down Bourbon Street and it wasn't enough that they'd won. You know, they had to continue winning, you know?

4:11 Drew Right. Reliving it.

4:13 Adam You weren't one of those people who didn't believe, were you? No, I wanted them to win. That's right, you did.

4:18 Go Pats!

4:20 Adam It was just like crazy. Now I hope they get killed next year. I've just had an ass full of the Pats fans. I mean, I understand when I go out and get drunk and celebrate, but these guys were a pain in the ass. Sarah?

4:32 Yes.

4:33 Adam You're 20. What's up?

4:35 Caller Actually, okay. First of all, since you don't like people from Massachusetts, I've got one saying for you. Park the car and have a yard. Yeah.

4:46 Adam I'm done with the people from the Boston area, at least.

4:50 Caller I've never actually been there, so really, I just had a comment for you. I was listening. I can't even remember when.

4:57 Adam How far is Foxboro from Boston?

5:00 Drew If I remember, it's like a suburb near Framingham.

5:03 Adam All right. That's good. Oh, near Framingham. I didn't know that. Well, now I know exactly where it is.

5:07 Drew Just a little bit west.

5:08 Adam I could draw a map now. Sarah? Yeah. What was your comment?

5:13 Caller My comment was on, like a couple of nights ago, I guess I heard you talk in there maybe a couple of weeks.

5:21 Drew Oh my God. She's been eating my dogs.

5:24 Caller Those are my dogs.

5:25 Adam Wow.

5:26 Caller My Sharpay and my Jack Russell. Sorry, the Sharpay must have heard something.

5:30 Drew Sharpay and a Jack Russell.

5:32 Adam What a mixture.

5:33 Drew You want to bet? You want to bet here?

5:35 Adam All right. So get that comment out for the dogs freak out again. Do they bark every time you try to make a point or is this just coincidence?

5:43 Caller No, they bark every time they hear something. Okay.

5:47 Adam Go right ahead.

5:48 Here we go.

5:49 Caller My comment is just how you're saying, like, the more girls or women use vibrators, the more that lowers their libido.

5:58 Drew No, we didn't say that.

5:59 Caller Yeah, you said that a couple weeks ago.

6:01 Drew No, we said that some women can be desensitized by it. They can be harder for them to have orgasm sometimes the old-fashioned way if they get used to the vibrator. Some women.

6:10 Yeah.

6:11 Caller Is that what you were saying?

6:12 Drew That's what we were saying.

6:13 Right.

6:14 Adam Well, you can argue with that if you want. Do you have a vibrator?

6:17 I do.

6:18 Caller It's actually a violet-purple Huffler one.

6:21 Adam How often do you use it?

6:24 Drew I imagine some with a Sharpay and a Jack Russell would have a violet-purple vibrator. How often?

6:30 Caller Sometimes once a day, sometimes two or three.

6:34 Adam So we can put you down for probably about 10, 15 times a week.

6:39 Caller Yeah.

6:40 Adam Now, has it changed anything when you're with a man?

6:44 Caller No. No, not really.

6:46 Adam Do you have a boyfriend?

6:48 Caller I do have a boyfriend.

6:49 Adam Is it purple?

6:51 Caller No, it's not purple.

6:52 Drew Are you having your with him in addition to your purple friend?

6:56 Caller Yes.

6:56 Wow. Sometimes we use both. Sometimes I use both.

6:59 Drew Both of the human and the purple.

7:01 Adam So you have no trouble with the orgasm minus the vibrator with him?

7:06 Drew No.

7:07 Caller No trouble.

7:07 Drew That's good.

7:08 Adam How long have you been on the vibrator diet?

7:11 Caller The vibrator diet, gosh, probably since like 8th or 9th grade.

7:17 Drew Wow. How did you, how did you, how did you, did somebody, I mean?

7:20 Adam That's a lot of mileage. Yeah.

7:22 Drew How did you get one?

7:23 Caller Actually, the first thing I used was, you know, Brookstone.

7:26 Drew Yeah.

7:27 Caller You know, like the personal massagers, like you're supposed to use on your muscle.

7:31 Adam Yeah. Right.

7:33 Caller Started with one of those.

7:34 Adam And you graduated to this purple one, which is probably now, if they, you know, if you actually took the distance that it's been in and been out, would actually be further than the channel that goes under the moon and back. English, when is that going? An English channel?

7:51 Drew English channel. Yeah. But it probably whittled down too, you know.

7:55 Adam Oh yeah. Like a bomb pop.

7:57 Drew Like a sharp pencil or something.

7:59 Adam It started off full size. Yes, time and wind and friction has taken it down. All right. So I don't know what her point is, but that's fine.

8:09 Drew She was going to sing the praises of Vibrate.

8:11 Adam All right. Michael?

8:12 Drew Made her point.

8:13 Adam Yeah.

8:13 Hey guys.

8:14 Adam 19. What's up?

8:15 I've called twice before. I called on Thursday. I didn't get through. I was going to ask about night terrors. What about them? I wanted to know what they are and how I can stop.

8:24 Drew Well, they are a family of disorders where you wake up middle of the night and are frightened. You just jump up, you may yell, you may feel frozen or locked in. Sometimes-

8:37 That's exactly what happens. I feel frozen in place. I feel paralyzed. I can't see. I can't move.

8:42 Drew Oftentimes, there can be a seizure disorder associated with that, but oftentimes, it's emotionally based.

8:48 Caller That's exactly what- There's a feeling like inside my body, every inch of my body is like shaking inside. I don't know if I'm physically shaking.

8:57 Drew Well, maybe you're having a seizure. It's possible it's seizure, so you really need to get looked into about this.

9:02 Caller In the other day, I woke up in the middle of a night terror, and I fantasized that I was like back in, like I'd driven somewhere that day, and I fantasized I was back in the car.

9:14 Drew Well, you're in kind of a dream state with all of this. So again, Michael, it may have an emotional basis, or it may have a pure medical, and you do need to have this looked into.

9:22 Adam What should he do?

9:24 Drew Just go see a regular doctor, that's it.

9:25 Adam No, no, he doesn't have to go to sleep clinic or anything like that.

9:28 Drew He might have to. The way I would approach this, I mean, if I had full ability to access resources.

9:35 Adam Get his money and then?

9:37 Drew No, get an MRI, get his EEG, get a psychiatrist evaluated.

9:40 Adam What's an EEG? What's different about that than an MRI?

9:43 Drew The MRI is a picture of your brain. The EEG is the brain wave, the electroencephalogram.

9:47 Adam I thought you were going to say drawing.

9:48 Drew No, not drawing.

9:50 Adam You say once a picture, I thought there would be a charcoal sketch.

9:53 Drew Well, and I was making like a drawing too, yeah.

9:56 Adam Once a cartoonist rendering of your brain.

10:01 Drew Right, it's like a sort of a Brandon Stimpy style.

10:03 Adam Oversized. Brandon?

10:05 Yeah.

10:06 Adam You're 16?

10:07 Caller Yeah.

10:08 Adam What's up?

10:09 Caller Last night, well, I've been seeing this girl for about two months.

10:13 And last night, me and my best friend were out. And like, she told me that she had feelings for me. And we ended up sleeping together.

10:22 And I don't know what to do about the other girl.

10:26 Drew Wait, you lost me a little bit. You had a girlfriend for how long?

10:29 We've been together for about two months.

10:31 Drew Two months. And this was just a friend of yours?

10:34 Yeah, my best friend.

10:35 Drew She is your best friend?

10:36 Yeah, I live out in the middle of nowhere and like, there aren't many guys around here to hang out with.

10:41 Adam So, what did he do?

10:42 Drew He slept with his best friend. It was a girl?

10:44 Yeah.

10:45 Adam Yeah.

10:46 Drew And, you know, you gotta break up with your girlfriend.

10:48 Adam Why?

10:49 Drew Why not?

10:50 She's like sprung already.

10:52 Drew What do you mean she's sprung?

10:53 Like, she's already like hooked on me.

10:57 Adam Oh, deus word. Listen, if she's hooked on you, she either has to be, she needs to either be evaluated or you must label her a flawed person emotionally, mentally. She must have zero capacity emotionally.

11:13 Drew To be flawed. To be hooked on Brandi. Well, Brandi, listen, whether she's hooked or not, you're not doing her any favor by maintaining a relationship and still cheating. That's ridiculous.

11:23 Adam Oh, let me tell you, I just ate more, more batter.

11:26 Drew Yeah, fried stuff.

11:27 Adam Yeah. Let me tell you the thing about the fried stuff. It's a little bit of a cop out. Here's what I'm saying.

11:34 Drew You can put anything in it, it tastes good.

11:36 Adam Absolutely. People are like, have you tried our shrimp? Have you tried our crawdad tails?

11:41 Drew So how do you think they got the crawdad thing going? Yeah. They fry them up.

11:44 Adam Yeah. You understand you could take a rat tail and fry it up and it wouldn't be half bad. There wasn't a goddamn thing that was fried that I ate, whether it was the shrimp or the crawdad or the claw, the shrimp claw, the softshell, crab, whatever. There was not a thing that wouldn't have been better if it was just a little piece of white meat chicken, piece of breast meat.

12:09 Drew Oh, interesting.

12:09 Adam In the same batter, deep-fried with the same red marinara sauce.

12:15 Drew They put those crawdad in everything. I was down there once, they had them in burritos and omelets, in calzones with crawdad, the little lobsters.

12:25 Adam Yeah.

12:26 Drew Crawdad, crayfish.

12:28 Adam The crawfish, they call them. Yeah, they're a little crazy with the seafood in the batter back there. Listen, batter, when you're dipping stuff in batter, you're basically apologizing for what you're dipping in the batter. You're saying, this tastes like ass minus the batter, but don't worry. Really, you could take a golf ball, roll it in some of that batter, and throw it in the deep fryer. You wouldn't eat a dozen of them, but you'd eat eight of them if you're watching a game and someone put a basket in front of you.

12:57 Drew There's a second element to that too, another layer to that too, which is don't worry about the sort of sanitary quality here. It's all fried up. We take care of that with the heat. You're not going to get anything from this either because it's been fried.

13:10 Adam That Crisco is coming in about 1,300 degrees, so don't worry. Whatever was on that crawfish is gone now, long gone. As a matter of fact, we're charging for it. It's actually part of the meal.

13:23 Drew Hepatitis C, Vibrio.

13:25 Adam Nothing, nothing but crawdads.

13:28 Drew Do you spend time on Bourbon Street? Is that where you hang?

13:31 Adam No, we can't hang that much on Bourbon Street because there's too many drunken idiots attacking us. When people get drunk, they just get obnoxious. It's all hell. Really? Yeah. I don't know if you know that about people.

13:45 Drew That is shocking.

13:46 Adam Oh, there's some behemoth of a guy who needed to slap my ass, you know. And I just start yelling at everyone and they think I'm a colossal prick, you know. I get some guy who's trying to take a picture. Hey, take a picture with my wife. Take a picture of my wife. And you're like, yeah, all right, no problem. You put your arm around her. Isn't she hot? Yeah, she's fine. All right, okay. Oh, now act like you're happy to be there. I'm kind of in a hurry. I act like you want to be there. Come on. He's holding the camera. Every screw around. It's like, hey, after about five minutes of him, like talking while the camera is held up to him, but not taking the goddamn picture, it's like, hey, take the picture. Oh, wait a minute. So I just left. And then the guy's like, how dare you? Where are you going? I can't believe it. Well, you didn't take the picture. And I just, I just said, hey, if you weren't acting like a dick, you'd have your picture, blow yourself. See, I go from medium to colossal prick and just, just, just, just seconds.

14:53 Drew It's amazing. That transformation.

14:55 Adam I know. But listen, everybody.

14:58 Drew Quite a transition.

14:58 Adam Don't F with people. I'm holding still. I got my arm around your wife. I got no problem with taking the picture. But now we're going on our fourth or fifth lap of you talking while you're holding the camera in my third request to take the picture. After that, I'm just leaving. Well, and what do I care? What do you care? Some drunken guy from Foxboro is pissed now because he stood there for an hour holding a disposable camera while your arm was around his wife. F you. Chaz?

15:30 Hello?

15:30 Drew No, not you, Chaz. But what's up, Chaz?

15:32 Adam How can we help you, brother?

15:33 Drew F you, Chaz.

15:35 Hey, Adam.

15:36 Adam Well, wait a minute. Let me say this.

15:37 Drew Oh, here we go.

15:39 Adam I got to get off my chest because you understand Jimmy and I were just accosted down there. I mean, this was our crowd, bunch of drunken football fans on Bourbon Street. And here's the deal, and tell me if you disagree. As a quasi-celebrity, my field, it is my job to do things within reason, to shake your hand, to sign your autograph, to take your picture. But if you want to push it to the step further, like the one guy who had to hit me in the ass, you're going to be told to F off almost immediately, and you're going to be abused.

16:10 Drew It's a boundary issue. They're violating boundaries at that point.

16:13 Adam Right, and I'll be as nice as anybody is to me, but you start up, and that's it. I give you a little shot, and you shoot back something, and that's it.

16:23 Drew So what most people have is people to handle that. They have a security guy to come in and whisk these guys off, you know what I'm saying?

16:29 Adam Let me tell you something, we don't do that. We were shooting something for MTV last night, and we did have a security guard, but he was sitting about 40 feet away from the action the entire time. I'm not sure, I've done a few things that required a security guard, so sort of out on the street with you. Listen, I'd be better off with a paper mache trash can lid, fending people off. These guys are the laziest asses in the world. I'm sorry for all you guys are involved with security, but there's a reason you're involved with security, and that's the reason you're horrible, horrible employees. I had to go get this guy like three times. Hey, could you get over? There's a big mob of people around us, and you're standing 30 feet away, and you're not even looking. Put it this way, there was like 15 people working, involved with this shoot, there was one guy sitting on the curb, one guy with his ass on the ground. Guess which guy? Security. All right, and look, they gotta pay him more. I'm with you. It's like the airport.

17:29 Drew Jazz.

17:30 Dude, Adam, you're a god, man.

17:33 Adam Yeah. Yeah, you want to take a picture? Time's up, scrub. Let's go.

17:38 Dude, I have your name on both my shoes.

17:40 Drew All right.

17:41 Adam What's happening?

17:43 Drew You're gay.

17:45 Yeah.

17:45 Oh, okay.

17:47 I called in on Thursday, and I talked to Striker and Drew about the bases.

17:54 Drew Oh, yeah. We got the baseball diamond all square away.

17:57 Adam Yeah. All right. Why is he calling back then?

17:59 Drew I don't know.

18:00 Wait, hold on.

18:01 Adam Okay.

18:02 Drew Mom. Sure.

18:04 Adam Do we just want to talk to St. Jack off day after day? I talked to you yesterday. So I'm calling back. Remember what we talked about before? We're going to talk about that again, because sometimes people want to hear stuff twice. What is this kid's... Does he have a question?

18:27 Drew He wants to speak to his idol, that's all. It's all right. Keep going.

18:30 Adam I know. Well, you told us to hold on. I'm just killing time here.

18:34 No, no.

18:34 Drew Hold on.

18:35 Adam Hey, Chaz.

18:35 Yeah?

18:36 Adam I'm glad you're a fan of the show.

18:39 Cool.

18:39 Adam Thanks. Do you have anything to say, though? I mean, you have any...

18:42 Yeah. How should I persist getting to second base? I got a girlfriend and all that.

18:49 Adam You got a girlfriend? Yeah. So now, what is second now? Is that boob? It's hands under the sweater.

18:56 Drew Under clothing.

18:56 Adam Under clothing. I always thought they had to actually be wearing a sweater. That's why you couldn't score during the summertime.

19:03 Drew No, in the new baseball diamond, hands can go up or down on second base.

19:08 Adam Okay. But you have to grab bare boob. Is that what you're saying? Oh, no, no. Second base? Second base is downstairs?

19:16 Drew Also.

19:18 Adam In the dugout?

19:19 Drew Are you going to puke?

19:20 Adam I had a few cocktails on the plane. Come on. I've had a rough five days.

19:25 Drew Like a Foster Brooks is sitting across from me.

19:30 Adam You don't understand what I've been doing every night, Drew.

19:32 Drew Yeah, I do understand. It's been in the show, too. Let's just change places. Let me at least sit in that driver's seat and drive this show.

19:40 Adam You know, 5, 6 in the morning, staying up all goddamn night, drunk every night. It's a mess.

19:46 Drew It is a mess.

19:47 Adam I got like three guys in my room. I'm sharing a bed with a guy snoring.

19:50 Drew Oh my God. Not one of Jimmy's relatives, is it?

19:53 Adam No. Oh, no. Yeah.

19:55 Drew Oh, no. Yeah.

19:55 Adam You know, they're around too. Hi, Chaz.

19:59 Drew Yeah.

19:59 Adam So isn't second base grabbing bare-breast?

20:02 Drew No, because third base is now blowjob.

20:04 Adam Oh, it is. Oh, that's right.

20:07 Drew Okay.

20:07 Adam So you're trying to get your hands down the pants?

20:11 Yeah.

20:12 Caller Hmm.

20:13 Adam That's going to be a tall order. You're only 13.

20:17 Drew We told them to cool out.

20:18 Adam Yeah. You should be scared of that part. I'm 37. I'm a little frightened. It's not the best part of a woman. All right.

20:28 What about the boobs?

20:29 Drew What is the best? Oh, that's the best part?

20:31 Adam Yeah. I like the boobs.

20:33 Drew Okay.

20:33 Adam I just, I don't know. Thirteen. Take it slow.

20:37 Drew All right.

20:39 Adam I don't have any real specific advice. I feel uncomfortable explaining to thirteen-year-olds how to rape their girlfriends.

20:46 Drew You're better when you're loaded. You actually have some moral sensibility. Like your compass is sort of.

20:50 Adam I'm not loaded. I just had a Bloody Mary in the airport and I had a couple of cocktails on the plane.

20:58 Drew How many times did you get searched by people who called you over by name?

21:02 Adam No. I blew right through the airport. They did recognize me and they laughed it up. There's a little different attitude that by you attitude over there in Louisiana. When the Louisiana folk, when they recognize you, you're in. You're good. Good times over there. All right. Let's talk to Bill, who's 20. Bill?

21:26 What's up guys? How are you doing?

21:27 Adam Good.

21:28 I've got a quick question for you. Actually two things. Adam, I can also relate with you. I used to live in Mansfield, which is about 10 minutes west of Foxborough. Everything's either wicked or piss her up there. Do you have to deal with that?

21:39 Drew Foxborough is west of Boston, right?

21:41 Adam Yeah. Well, I guess here's what I'm saying.

21:44 Caller They're all big guys too.

21:46 Adam Huge guys.

21:47 Drew Isn't one of the stadiums in Foxborough?

21:49 Adam Yeah.

21:49 It's actually Foxborough Stadium.

21:50 Drew Yeah.

21:51 Yeah. By Great Woods, all within 10 minutes to each other.

21:53 Adam Here's basically what I've learned about the Boston Mass folks and the fans over there. I knew about the sort of country bumpkin white trash, and I knew about that sort of Brooklyn and Long Island kind of Guido white trash.

22:12 Drew And you know about the truck driver, Speed.

22:13 Adam And I knew about the sort of Bakersfield, Speed Freak, whatever. And then I thought that was about it with the white trash.

22:20 Drew No, this is the real American. This is American white trash.

22:24 Adam Yeah. See, I thought you had to be... I thought the Eastern white trash were Italian guys. I didn't know there was Irish guys were like the Lunkheads, too. Big idiots, those guys. Oh my god. All right, go ahead there, Bill.

22:39 I've got a quick question for you. I moved out here six months ago, never really had any problems with allergies. As soon as I moved into the place I was staying, the people had three cats, so I saw a local physician and he put me on prescription for Claretin and Nasacort. I was taking those, everything was fine, took them through about last September and they told me to start weaning off. The problem was I'd go off them for a week and then my allergies would come back terrible. Now we're in February and I found it's almost like an addiction. I'm spending 40 plus dollars a month on allergy medicine. When I went back and asked my doctor about it, he said, there's really nothing we could do about it, and you're going to have to deal with this for the rest of your life.

23:16 Drew It's not an addiction, but isn't it speedy?

23:22 The thing is, I found myself, if I don't take it, I'm real short of breath.

23:25 Drew Yeah, you need to take care of it. You can end up with actually emphysema if you don't.

23:30 Adam From the allergy?

23:31 Drew The allergies can create fixed airway obstructions. It starts up in the nose and eyes and gets down into your lungs eventually. If you don't keep it under control, it can actually cause emphysema.

23:39 Adam Maybe you should get out of the house with the three cats.

23:41 Drew Well, that's one thing is avoid the cats. You can also try stronger anti-allergy medicines like Xirtec or Allegra. There is new evidence, so just recently some publications came out that suggested people like you should be on the nasonex and the nasocort or the flow, and Ace one of those steroid nasal splays all the time.

23:56 Adam Well, wait a second.

23:57 Drew It should not hold back on it.

23:58 Adam But don't you just want to get out of that environment?

24:00 Drew Well, there's another thing. You can also get desensitization therapies or immune auditory therapy.

24:05 Adam How's that work?

24:06 Drew You have to eat a cat? Skin testing and they-

24:09 Adam They bring it to New Orleans, a deep fry. You have no problem with it.

24:12 Drew You can eat a fur and all. It's be good. And Bill, the other thing is you're living now out here where there's tons of allergens coming in off the desert. Even though you're by the beach, you can still, when the winds blow, get really- Once you're sensitized, it's really difficult to control.

24:24 Adam You know what else I learned about the cuisine in New Orleans is they like stuff to look like what it looked like before they killed it.

24:32 Drew Yeah, tentacles and all.

24:34 Adam Yeah, you want the soft-shell crab po'boy? It's a giant crab on a bun.

24:41 Drew Oh my God.

24:42 Adam I mean, it is a crab, medium-sized crab, the body is the size of your fist, and the arms extend six, eight inches off the edge. Guess what? Deep-fried.

24:55 Drew Kaiser roll.

24:57 Adam Deep-fried and just put on a hoagie bun, just a sub-sandwich bun. That's it. Little shredded lettuce. I mean, you're eating, it's like a cartoon over there. Everything you eat looks like what it is. I was scared to order anything with pork in it because I knew I was going to get a whole goddamn pig. Deep-fried. The crawdads, the shrimp got the head on it. I think they might add parts to it. I think they stuck some arms on a shrimp, too, just to actually... How much like the goddamn creature does this thing need to look like while I'm putting it in my mouth? Don't they understand that I don't want the steak to be carved out in the shape of a cow? I like to think that it just comes from some steak mine that we, you know, guys coming up with T-Bones and Porterhouse. I like the idea of a cow getting a shotgun hammer to the head and gutted and bled. I don't like that. Over there, they seem to relish that. They want everything to look. You get a fish, it's the whole goddamn fish. What is that? A little caveman over there. All right. Maybe it's not. I'm not a huge seafood guy.

26:05 Drew That's part of it.

26:06 Adam All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break, Drew.

26:10 Drew Yep.

26:11 Adam All right. Don't have anybody you want to talk to? Nothing good? Yeah. We'll talk to Brandon, who's 15, wants to help his brother's girlfriend cheat. What?

26:21 Drew Cheats is slutty.

26:22 Adam His brother's girlfriend.

26:23 Drew Yeah.

26:26 Adam We now want to talk to him.

26:28 Drew Then we'll find some new calls.

26:29 Adam After this?

26:30 Drew Yes.

26:30 Adam Yeah.

26:31 Caller Hello, this is your radio. Love Line will be right back.

27:09 Adam Hey everybody, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Dr. Drew. Board certified.

27:19 Drew Oh, oh, this is why you're handing this to me. This even has a retarded name. Adam has handed me a foil packet.

27:26 Adam Yes.

27:27 Drew And in which there has been provided a full collection of gourmet cookies and snacks from the airplane. What airlines gives you the savory mix?

27:38 Adam That would be United. American gives you that hot cup of nuts, man. Yeah. That should be a good name for a band. Hot cup of nuts. Oh, man.

27:47 Drew This is low fat.

27:48 Adam I had to bring... Listen, you know those styrofoam peanuts? Low fat too. You know what I'm saying?

27:56 Drew Yeah. Styrofoam.

27:57 Adam Good. This foil packet, low fat. Everything tastes like crap is low fat. Here's what I love about this. All I do is go off on these horrible jags about why I don't get better snacks in first class, but all I want is some goddamn peanuts. That's all I want. They don't have.

28:15 Drew Don't have to give us the mix nuts, just peanuts.

28:16 Adam Here's all you need to know. The company, Delice, it provides a full array of snacks in the French tradition, for your indulgence. So they make these French gourmet foods. Where do you think they might be? Redlands. Outfitted. Kuala Lumpur. No, Reno, Nevada. Yeah. I'll tell you, close your eyes.

28:40 Drew What was the name like, Delice?

28:42 Adam You go to Reno, you think about Reno, Nevada, you think about the French Riviera. Jennifer?

28:47 Hey, what's up?

28:48 Adam You're 20, what's up?

28:51 Caller My boyfriend contracted genital warts from his last girlfriend, well, my fiance, now. We want to have a child someday, and I was wondering what effect that would have, and could it be cured?

29:07 Drew It cannot be cured. It does, in many cases, go away after about five years or so, and in cases where it does not, it's associated with cervical cancer, but it is really not a big issue in terms of childbearing.

29:20 Adam Some strains burn themselves out, or is that up to the individual, and do they know the difference between the strains of warts?

29:29 Drew Yes and yes.

29:31 Adam So you could see somebody's wart and say, oh, this might be the variety that'll burn itself out?

29:39 Drew No, you'd have to culture it to know that.

29:40 Adam Well, I don't mean use your jeweler's loop, but I mean you could examine somebody, you could do a test. Culture it and go, good news, this will be gone in a scant five years.

29:50 Drew Yes, however, that's never done. Effectively, it's just never done.

29:54 Adam Okay, why? Because if you got something for five years, you got something for forever?

29:59 Drew It's expensive and difficult and inaccurate.

30:01 Adam Plus, tell a 19-year-old you got something on your Johnson for five years. That's life.

30:07 Drew Those are the five working years.

30:10 Adam Yeah, well, not for me, but yeah.

30:12 Caller Can I pass this on to my kid?

30:14 Drew No, not well, no.

30:16 Adam Well, how much sex are you going to have with him?

30:20 Drew Trick question. All you have to worry about is whether or not the variety that's going to put you at risk for cervical cancer. That's the big issue.

30:29 Adam Playing that Rock and Jock football game on-

30:31 Drew Yeah, how was it? I heard you got a touchdown. Everyone was talking about your touchdown dance.

30:35 Adam Who was talking about that?

30:36 Drew I heard a couple of people. I can't remember, but something about you squatting down and delivering the ball.

30:42 Adam I had a couple of-

30:43 Drew Striker was talking about it.

30:43 Adam Couple of TDs and did a couple of good TD dances.

30:47 Drew Dan Marino threw the ball, right?

30:48 Adam Yeah.

30:49 Drew That's got to be wild.

30:51 Adam I don't know if people are aware of this with Marino. I don't know if he played any college ball or where people know him from. It was like an extra on Miami Vice or something. Did he play any pro ball? I couldn't tell. He's got a good arm. He throws BBs that Dan Marino does. He throws the ball hard and quick release.

31:10 Drew Is he big like Terry Bradshaw?

31:12 Adam Yeah. That's what he was known for in his playing days. But here's the thing, he didn't ease up too much. Now, he wasn't pumped full of adrenaline and trying to take people's heads off. But the balls he was throwing, he was the quarterback for the rock and jock game I played in in New Orleans. He was throwing the ball hard. It was a little hard to handle.

31:33 Caller Oh!

31:34 Drew I mean, he's trying to deliver the ball. That's probably how he does it. Hold on.

31:38 Adam Anderson, you don't know who Dan Marino is? No. No idea.

31:43 Drew Oh, come on. Are you serious? All right. Good. No, of course I do. All right.

31:47 Adam Oh, you do? Yeah.

31:48 Drew He went to Pitt.

31:49 Adam All right. All right. Yes, he was probably... He played for the Bills for all those years. No, he played for the...

31:54 Drew The Dolphins. The Dolphins.

31:55 Adam All right. All right. Well, it's hard to judge you, Anderson, and that's all I'm saying.

32:00 Drew There is stuff that we have referred to that is as obvious to us that you've looked at us and got to know. Yeah, Lidsville. Lidsville. HR Puff and stuff. Come on.

32:06 Adam Yeah.

32:07 Drew Right up there with Dan Marino.

32:09 Adam It is. It is to me. I would have given you a pass on Marino, pardon the pun, just because you're a hockey guy and may not have been in a football. But anyway, Marino throws a very hard ball. And here's the thing about Marino and anybody at the pro level that you forget about when you're especially trying to play defense, is when you're playing football games with your buddies, the ball spends some time in the air and you're able to make up for some bad coverage while the ball's in the air. You're guarding a guy down field. Some guy throws, even if it's a decent pass, it's got a little air underneath it. And while the ball's in the air, you're able to gain a couple of steps and possibly get in and break up the pass. Marino, when he passes to guys, the ball doesn't spend any time in the air. So a guy runs at you and then does a quick out and the ball's stuffed into him. And you see the ball in the air and you think you're going to do something, but it's too late. It's there. It's arrived. You can make up no ground while the ball's in the air. And it really makes you, I mean, the next time you're watching television, you're screaming because the guy scored a touchdown on your guy. Have more sympathy for him. When those guys throw those BBs, you cannot do anything but watch the ball arrive to the guy. You cannot make up any ground at all.

33:33 Drew That's exciting.

33:34 Adam Yeah, it's kind of fun.

33:37 Drew Sam?

33:38 Adam Yeah.

33:39 Let's heal some babies!

33:40 Drew Twenty, Sam. Yeah. What's up?

33:43 What's up?

33:44 Drew You got a question? Yeah.

33:46 Go now.

33:47 Caller Well, I'm sorry.

33:48 Caller I was calling because I have a question about the morning after pill.

33:51 Drew Yes, our favorite topic.

33:52 Yeah.

33:53 Caller Well, that's what I heard.

33:54 So I was calling because, well, me and my girlfriend were having sex today and...

34:00 Drew Oh, no. Come on. What? Come on. I don't want to lose this question. Again, Sam? Yeah. What happened?

34:08 Caller So we're going at it, right? All of a sudden, when it's done, like, you know, we're wearing a condom, everything's safe, and then I pull out and the condom's broken.

34:18 Drew All right. So you got to get the morning after pill, right?

34:22 Caller I'm going to go get the morning after pill.

34:23 Drew Okay. Well, let's put them on hold.

34:26 Adam Drew is scintillating.

34:27 Drew I know. Put them on hold. Here's the deal. In California now, you can now get this pill. And in several states around the country, you can get emergency contraceptives without a prescription. Go right to a pharmacy. The problem is, they're having difficulty getting policies into the hands of these pharmacists and corporations have to approve them, and they need doctors. I just had a conference call today with these people from the pharmacy groups. I said, why can't you put my name on everything? Get a protocol, put my name on it. Well, we could, but you don't, well, maybe there's liability.

34:58 Adam I still do not understand why they need a name on it if it no longer requires a prescription.

35:04 Drew It requires a protocol that's approved or supervised by a physician.

35:09 Adam How common is that? I mean, how many things, see, to me and the general lay people, there's things, there's medication that requires a prescription, and then there's the over-the-counter stuff that does not.

35:22 Drew There seems to be an intermediary step evolving before something goes over-the-counter.

35:27 Adam Is there precedent for this? Does this exist for other drugs? Why this one? What are we doing? What do you mean? I mean, it's like either guy's in prison or he's out. Where's the in-between?

35:40 Drew Yeah, I can't, there might be other, I just can't think of anything.

35:44 Adam Well, why don't you question this? I mean, it doesn't sound peculiar to you. Why this?

35:50 Drew Why not go, I asked why not go directly to over-the-counter? Well, why not? Well, I can't get a straight answer, I don't know. But I do know this, this is a pill that does not cause an abortion. In fact, it is our greatest answer to abortion. It prevents ovulation. Everyone, now finally there's consensus brewing about this, that pharmacists are now understanding this is how it works. It does not interfere with implantation any more than your birth control pill taking the way you usually take it.

36:19 Adam Well, I'm sure the right to lifers are hard at work, firing off apology letters, and we'll be singing the praises of the morning after pill. Well, probably not starting tomorrow morning. Wouldn't you say?

36:31 Drew I don't think so.

36:32 Adam Makes sense, right?

36:33 Drew The groups are beginning to service now that are more into, I don't want people to have sex. That's starting to get a little clearer now.

36:39 Adam Look, the people that don't like abortions, they're not so worried about the kiddies. They're more worried about the people who get to have sex without repercussions. That's the thing that the religious people don't like. It's no different than the goddamn Taliban, which is, here's how it works. The first angle is, and it's the same with the Taliban and all those other freakish towel heads over there. The first thing is, the white infidel, he will pay. Give him time. He will pay. Allah will repay him. Let him fornicate. Let him have his Super Bowl parties. Let him drink. Let him not worship Allah. He will pay. Allah will pay him back. What time is it? Omar, what time? No. Has Allah paid them back yet? No.

37:31 Drew Let us do it.

37:32 Adam All right. I can't wait for Allah. Let's go blow him up. Don't worry. Allah would have paid him back, but Allah is busy. He's probably paying the Swedes back now or something. We'll just intercede here and we'll cut Allah off at the pass. And it's the same with these right-to-life retards out here. Their whole thing is, you know, these kids, these are human lives. These are lives. This is murder. This is whatever. But they're really what they don't like is they don't like the idea of a couple of 18-year-olds or 15-year-olds or even 21-year-olds just banging away, having fun, sweaty, steamy, unholy sex and walking away. No, not all right. No payment, no punishment. No, just got laid, felt good, got my rocks off, called it a night, never saw the bitch again. No problem. Their thing is, is you must pay for that. You cannot just do that. That's not the Lord's plan. So you come up, so they focus on abortion, but that's not what they care about.

38:34 Drew Well, I think there are people that do care about abortion, and those that do, should be, should be getting behind.

38:37 Adam They never say anything.

38:38 Drew They should be getting, right. They should be getting behind this pill and saying something, because this is the way to prevent abortion.

38:42 Adam Magically, they won't.

38:44 Drew And it's available now. Because they're hypocrites and retards. If you want to know where you should be able to get it, the number 1-888-NOT, number 2-Too Late, L-A-T-E, 1-888-Not Too Late, should be able to refer you to a pharmacy near you that can get you the point. But everyone of childbearing age should have this in their medicine cabinet in case something like our last call or head happens to them. It can happen. You don't intend it to happen. You don't want it to happen. But you're glad when you have the protection. It's like 90-89% effective in the first 48 hours in preventing pregnancy.

39:13 Adam So you make sure that you put together some compelling medical data to try to convince the people that are scouring the top of Mount Olympus looking for remnants of the Ark that this stuff works and is effective. This is your audience. These are the people you got to convince. The Ark people. Yeah, do everything, baby. All right, we're going to take ourselves a break. When we come back, we'll speak to Sally's 20-Milested-By-Step-Dad Living with a Strange Father Now wants help. Not living with stepdad now, living with old dad.

39:50 Drew Old father, yeah.

39:51 Adam Let's save the babies after this. There you go, Loveline. Adam, there's Dr. Drew over there, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Just got in from New Orleans tonight, saw the Super Bowl, did a little Rockin Jock, did a little TRL stuff with Carson and Britney Spears today.

40:43 Drew What?

40:45 Adam It was raining like hell and colder than a witch's boob.

40:50 Drew In New Orleans.

40:51 Adam Yeah, today. Yeah, it was just colder than hell out there. Talking a little about the fine Cajun cuisine where they just apologize for everything by putting it in batter and deep frying it. Here's the other thing too I don't like. At a certain point, I crapped a live crawdad this morning. Did I tell you that, Drew?

41:14 Drew Crawdad crawled out of your ass.

41:16 Adam I got up this morning to take a leak.

41:19 Drew The crawdad came out of your ass.

41:20 Adam I peed almost pure hurricane mix, came out of my penis, the Dayglow Orange. Nice. I'm pretty sure it was hurricane. Came out of there and then I sat down in the toilet and dropped that crawdad and two pieces of shrimp with the head still on it. That's what was in the toilet. I got my fill, is what I'm saying. But at one point, you know what I'm talking about where you crave some eggs in the morning for breakfast?

41:47 Drew Oh, yeah.

41:48 Adam About, you go a week without getting them eggs. You miss some of them eggs in the morning.

41:53 Drew Why did you get that?

41:55 Adam Well, you see, it doesn't matter whether it's at night, in the day, you're supposed to just eat crawdads non-stop over there.

42:01 Drew That's right, and clams, oysters.

42:02 Adam Yeah. Pardon me for not wanting to eat deep fried shrimp for breakfast. Deep fried stuff for breakfast is a little weird.

42:10 Drew Yeah.

42:11 Adam And so is weird like seafood-based soups and stuff for breakfast. So at one point, I just said, I saw Denver omelet on there. And I said, yes, give me that Denver omelet. Had a big old, I love a Denver omelet, got the cheddar cheese on there, but this is just a big old slice of American cheese, just melted right in the middle there. American cheese is not cheese, tastes like crap. So I started complaining about it and everyone at the table told me, shut up and said, what do you want? And I thought, and I said, what do you want? You're supposed to eat a shrimp boat every morning? Like, not to expect that you folks can make yourself an omelet? Thank you. Sally?

42:51 Yes.

42:52 Drew Good times.

42:52 Adam You're 20. Good times.

42:53 Caller Yeah. Well, they were.

42:56 Drew I was up, Sally.

42:58 Caller Okay.

42:58 Adam Oh, you were molested by your stepdad.

43:00 Caller No. I was not molested. All right. He touched my leg and I, like, moved.

43:06 Drew Oh, that's good.

43:07 Adam All right. Well, that's enough.

43:09 Caller We had a lock on the door.

43:10 Drew Good.

43:11 Adam What did you tell our phone screener?

43:14 Caller What did I tell your phone screener?

43:15 Adam Yeah.

43:16 Caller Same story I just told you.

43:17 Drew All right. And what's the question?

43:20 Caller My basic question is, I can't have, like, a normal relationship.

43:23 Drew Why?

43:24 Caller I don't know.

43:25 Adam Well, her leg.

43:27 Drew What was your biological dad like?

43:29 Caller I don't really know.

43:31 Drew How old were you when he left?

43:34 Caller Before I was born, my mom never told him she was pregnant.

43:37 Adam All right. So?

43:40 Caller They're basically like, I go out and I have sex with everybody.

43:43 Adam Well, hold on. Who are you living with now?

43:46 Caller My biological dad.

43:47 Drew How did you get hooked up with him?

43:50 Caller Well, he found out because my uncle told him.

43:55 Adam Did you?

43:57 Caller In high school, my senior year, I wrote him and we met. After I get kicked out of school and I dumped my ex-boyfriend whom I was living with.

44:07 Drew Why did you get kicked out of school?

44:09 Caller Grades.

44:10 Drew All right. So you have a long history of trouble, right?

44:12 Caller Oh, yeah.

44:14 Drew And right now, you're getting into this sort of sexually acting out thing.

44:17 Caller Yeah. I was before I was in my relationship too.

44:20 Drew So you've always been kind of a sexual compulsive?

44:23 Caller Ever since I lost my virginity.

44:24 Drew Which is how old?

44:25 Caller I was 18. I was in college.

44:28 Adam How's your dad, your biological dad you're living with?

44:31 Caller I don't know him, really.

44:33 Drew You're living with him though?

44:34 Adam Yeah. How is it I can't get a goddamn answer out of her?

44:38 Drew Maybe she's been living with him a day. That's the only possible non-retarded explanation for that answer.

44:44 Adam I know. I understand her plight and I feel for her.

44:48 Drew Just say, maybe it's just a couple of days. How long have you been living with your biological father?

44:52 Caller Four months.

44:53 Adam What kind of guy is he?

44:56 Caller He likes sports and history and music.

45:00 Adam Does he treat you right?

45:03 Caller He's nice. I don't really talk to him.

45:05 Adam But he's an okay guy?

45:07 Caller Yeah.

45:07 Drew He doesn't come over drunk and beat you up.

45:10 Adam No. He's a decent guy. I don't know what happened to you. Your stepdad sounded like a minor jerk, but he never raped you or anything. Your biological dad seems to be okay now. Right. All right. Have a little therapy and stop doing whatever you're doing.

45:28 Drew Well, addicts behave like this.

45:30 Adam She do sound like you got some hard miles on you. You addicted to anything?

45:34 Caller No.

45:35 Drew No. You're not drinking when you do this stuff?

45:38 Caller Sometimes, but not all the time. I mean, I'm-

45:42 Adam Well, how about some therapy?

45:45 Caller I was in therapy for years, 12 years.

45:47 Drew 12 years in therapy?

45:48 Caller Yeah.

45:49 Adam You got to kick that guy right in the nuts next time you see him because they didn't help you at all.

45:53 Drew No, I don't know.

45:54 Caller Well, I know, but my mom loves him.

45:57 Drew The therapist.

45:58 Caller You have to be nice to him.

45:59 Drew The therapist.

46:01 Caller No, different therapist.

46:03 Adam Oh, boy. Hey, look, new therapist. Find a new therapist and keep working at that. I'm suspicious.

46:08 Drew I am suspicious. The reason it didn't work is because you're an addict. You may not be obvious what that is now. It may not be fully in bloom, but if you are an addict, therapy is usually insufficient to contain these sorts of things. Usually, you need a 12-step program. So just look at it through the prism of considering this an addictive process. There are 12-step programs for people like you out there.

46:29 Adam All righty.

46:29 Drew Free.

46:30 Adam Free, really? Well, 11 of the steps are free, and then you get the balloon payment for the 12-step, right?

46:35 Drew And then you're paying back.

46:36 Adam Yeah. We'll be back.

46:38 Here it is.

46:39 Adam Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

46:41 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

46:44 Call the Dateline.

46:44 Caller Call the Dateline. Call the Dateline.

46:46 1-877-889-DATE.

46:51 Caller Loveline will be right back. So get your problems ready, ready, ready.

47:33 Adam Yo, Loveline.

47:35 Drew Anderson did that.

47:36 Adam Yeah, very nice. Very nice sweeping arm cue. Right to me. That's why I got into radio. That and to complain about snacks on airlines.

47:46 Drew And first class.

47:47 Adam Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, I'm Adam, that's Drew.

47:51 Caller And to be late for breaks every night.

47:54 Adam And to be late for breaks.

47:56 Drew Yeah, we will not disappoint on that one.

47:57 Adam We're gonna have a couple of IndyCar racers in here tomorrow night. That would be, who is that? I know Eddie Cheever and Philippe, how do you pronounce it? I can't see it from here.

48:09 Drew Gioffone?

48:10 Adam All right, Italian guy.

48:11 Drew Gioffone?

48:13 Adam Tell us what it's like to go 220 miles an hour in a car. Todd?

48:19 Hi.

48:19 Adam You're 24?

48:20 Caller Yes.

48:21 Adam What's up?

48:22 Caller I called originally to ask you guys if I could possibly offer a word of advice for anyone out there who was like me at one point, who couldn't really assimilate or associate with a doctor or a quasi-celebrity.

48:35 Adam All right.

48:36 Go ahead.

48:37 Caller I think something like addiction that I've been through and that's been in my life, having come from the East Coast and having more people on a drug like heroin, versus crystal meth, where people slip into a coma or just choke to death. There are different drugs out here, but it's still a concern of mine. Not everyone gets it on the first time, and people don't be afraid to call out and ask for help. It took me too long seeing too many people die, and thank God, I remembered those three easy numbers, 911, on a couple of occasions where, assuming that the next guy would, would have possibly meant death.

49:17 Drew Where did you get the idea that heroin is not big out here? We treat that all the time.

49:21 Caller I personally, thank God, have not seen it.

49:22 Adam Trouble scoring, that's all.

49:24 Caller I just haven't seen it, so.

49:26 Drew It's a huge problem out here.

49:28 Adam All right. Well, thanks, Todd. If anyone is addicted, go get help. Go get help.

49:36 Drew Very simple.

49:37 Adam Thanks, Todd.

49:37 Drew The great thing about addiction, there's two great things. One is, it's people going from, as Todd mentioned, a life-threatening condition to better than they ever knew they could be, and it's free. It's grassroots.

49:49 Adam Yeah, I mean, those 12-steppers. Let's talk to Chris, who's 22.

49:55 Caller Hey, how you doing?

49:56 Adam Good.

49:56 Drew How you doing?

49:58 Caller Okay. I've been in the relationship now for a little over four years. I've been engaged for a little over a year, and I just found out about a month ago that two years ago, my fiancé cheated on me with somebody I knew.

50:13 Drew Two years ago she cheated?

50:15 Caller Yeah.

50:16 Drew How did you find this out?

50:18 Caller A friend of mine found out and told me.

50:21 Drew How did he find out?

50:23 Caller Through his girlfriend, which was a friend of my girlfriend back then.

50:27 Caller So she cheated?

50:29 Adam She admitted it though, right?

50:31 Caller It took her about four days to admit it.

50:35 Drew Were you guys in a committed stable relationship at that point?

50:38 Caller Not necessarily. We were in a lot of fights then.

50:42 Drew Alright, so there you go. There you go. It's a different relationship now. You want to screw it up further?

50:50 Caller See, I've always felt safe with this girl and we... I've known her for about, I don't know, seven years now, eight years or so and I've never felt that she would ever, ever do something like this. If somebody was to put a gun to my head and shoot me if I would have responded to them that, you know...

51:08 Drew Well, maybe...

51:09 Adam Hold on, I want to finish this.

51:10 Caller Go ahead.

51:12 Adam Gun to your head and shoot you, eh?

51:14 Caller If somebody was to put a gun to my head and say, you know, do you think your girlfriend's cheated on you? And if the answer is yes, you know, shoot me. And if I would have said no, and I would have said no, I would have taken the bullet because that's how much I trusted this girl.

51:27 Adam You know why I get the big bucks now for coming in here drunk talking about the airline food. Hi, Chris. Yeah. But Drew's question was, is when she cheated, how committed were you two and how stable were you two?

51:45 Caller We were, I believed, very committed. I saw it anyway.

51:48 Adam I guess we weren't.

51:49 Caller But I thought we were real committed.

51:51 Adam How long had you been going out when she cheated?

51:54 Caller Two years.

51:56 Adam You already had two years under your belt when she cheated. Yes. And so you've been, that was two years ago.

52:04 Caller Yes.

52:04 Adam So you've been dating for four years.

52:06 Caller About four and a half years.

52:08 Adam All right. All right. Well, two years, Drew. Hard to argue with that.

52:12 Drew Yeah. Oh, it's not something you're going to feel good about. But here are my feelings. First of all, people in their 20s do stuff like this. Yeah. This is stuff that people do when they're younger. They may never do it again. And this is how people behave in a relationship. They even commit relationships in their 20s. They F up. Number two, your perception of her is so over-idealized, she probably is overwhelmed with living up to your idealized needs. To some extent, she probably screws up just to get out from under these, the pressure of being the perfect person that you need her to be.

52:47 Adam Well, how about this? When are you guys planning on getting married?

52:51 Caller In a year.

52:52 Adam Okay, a year. You haven't planned the wedding, anything like that?

52:55 Caller Actually, everything is pretty much set in stone already. We've bought a house just a couple months ago.

53:01 Adam I'm talking about the actual wedding.

53:03 Caller In March, in about a year.

53:07 Adam In March?

53:08 Caller Yeah.

53:09 Adam A year from next month?

53:10 Caller A year from, yeah, a year from March.

53:12 Adam You're over a year away from the wedding. Did you secure, put a deposit down on a place or get a photographer or a band or anything?

53:21 Caller You want to know what's so odd was the day I found out about this, two days later we were supposed to put the deposit. So as of right now, no, we haven't put the deposit.

53:28 Adam All right, good. Okay, listen, take the pressure off. Don't go nuts right now. Just relax.

53:33 Drew Take your time.

53:33 Adam Take some, take some breaths.

53:35 Drew You're only 22.

53:36 Adam You're 22. You could get married in a couple of years.

53:39 Drew But here's my concern.

53:39 Adam Don't freak.

53:41 Drew He needs to idealize some sort of mythological creature. I mean, marry that. You're going to marry a human being, Chris, a human being. Human beings f up, especially in their 20s.

53:51 Adam What kind of world class puss is negotiating for the photographer, the band, you know, 14, 15 months in front of the goddamn wedding? What is going on here?

54:03 Drew You see that this is all big in life. It's all huge. Who is this?

54:06 Adam Is this Chris?

54:07 Drew Yeah.

54:08 Adam Chris, you got to calm down, buddy. Don't get all crazy with the wedding and her. She's a human. I agree with Drew. Just don't go nutty. Just take it slow. You don't have to make a decision. I know you're all freaked out and I know how guys are 22. This is why you shouldn't get married.

54:24 Drew Yeah, but you hear the road he's going down. I thought I could trust her. Now I can never trust her again. I can't trust anybody. No humans worthy of trust.

54:31 Adam Please, please. Relax.

54:32 Drew Please.

54:34 Adam OK, it's a weird form of narcissism.

54:37 Drew Yes, it is.

54:38 Adam You have destroyed my life.

54:39 Drew Yes, it is. That's right.

54:41 Adam Because you had a couple of wine coolers and hopped on some guy I knew after we had a blowout earlier that evening.

54:47 Drew The way I treated you, I idealized you, I'm entitled to more.

54:51 Adam Yeah.

54:52 Drew To better.

54:52 Adam See, that's why I don't even memorize their first names, man. I'm like a cowboy. You know what I mean? Instead of a six gun, now I have a six string to play music, you know?

55:03 Drew That's good.

55:03 Adam Brandon?

55:05 Caller Yeah.

55:05 Adam You're fifteen?

55:06 Caller Yeah.

55:07 Adam What's up?

55:09 Caller My brother has been dating this girl for about two years and within those two years she cheated on him ten times.

55:16 Adam Ten?

55:17 Caller Ten times.

55:18 Adam How do you know?

55:19 Caller Because she actually confronts him about it and apologizes before he even finds out.

55:24 Caller Wow.

55:26 Adam How old's your brother?

55:27 Caller He's nineteen.

55:28 Drew See how different that is than what Chris was dealing with?

55:30 Adam No, I understand, but what, you're fifteen.

55:33 Caller Yeah.

55:34 Drew Why are you in the middle of this?

55:35 Adam You don't tell your nineteen-year-old brother what to do.

55:38 Caller I have to like deal with it, you know, every day.

55:40 Adam Is he retarded?

55:43 Caller I'm not sure.

55:44 Drew Is he freaking out all the time?

55:45 Caller Well, actually, he did try to commit suicide.

55:47 Drew Oh, boy.

55:49 Caller And, you know.

55:50 Adam What about your parents? What are they doing?

55:53 Caller Well, my mom doesn't really like her at all.

55:59 Adam And, you know, where people have the most, not people, are retarded callers, have the most difficulty, they cannot edit themselves when they repeat what someone else has said to them.

56:16 Drew They have to use the exact language, yeah.

56:19 Adam Because my older brother, Kurt, he one time, he held me down and he said, I'm going to F and S you, and they have to say it all out because.

56:34 Drew That's what they heard.

56:35 Adam We have to relive exactly what Kurt said to him. See, a chimp could do that math, not one of our callers. It's interesting and it's like the reptilian brain.

56:51 Drew The memetic brain.

56:52 Adam Yeah, and furthermore, it's not them cussing, it's the older brother, Kurt.

56:57 Drew Yeah, so it doesn't matter. It exonerates them.

57:00 Adam I'm just reporting what they said. I'm like a stenographer in the courtroom. All right, sorry. So, Brandon, sorry for your older brother, but listen, jackass, you can't use the F-word.

57:13 Drew David, 17.

57:16 Caller Hey, what's up? Hey, how you guys doing?

57:18 Adam Good.

57:20 Caller Wow, this is kind of interesting. I've never been on the radio, but okay, here it goes. I was diagnosed with cancer, like, spring of 2001.

57:30 Adam Good times.

57:31 Drew What kind of cancer?

57:32 Caller Hodgkin's disease, Hodgkin's lymphoma.

57:34 Drew What stage?

57:36 Caller Stage, I think it was four.

57:38 Drew So you had the chemo.

57:39 Caller Yeah. So I had the chemo for all summer basically, and just recently got off it, and I was on prednisone and procarbazine, and the doctor told me that I couldn't drink and all that kind of stuff, but I smoked a lot, like I smoked a lot of weed, you know?

57:54 Adam Yeah, well, that's what you do when you have cancer.

57:57 Caller Yeah. Well, like, seriously, it helps a lot. But, I mean, besides that, like, I couldn't drink, and I've been off of chemo since about November.

58:06 Drew One of the, did you get, there's a classic symptom that happens, I'm pretty sure it's with Hodgkin's, that when you drink alcohol, the swollen lymph nodes that are involved with the Hodgkin's hurt.

58:17 Caller Oh, no, I haven't, see, that's the thing, I haven't drinking alcohol yet.

58:20 Adam Smoking the weed.

58:21 Drew Yeah, well, don't drink. Yeah. Are you cured?

58:23 Caller Well, yeah, from what I could tell, like, all tests say that everything's cool. There's, like, a few swollen, I guess, lymph nodes, but nothing like, it's something that, like, maybe you would have, you know?

58:34 Drew Yeah.

58:34 Caller Like, kind of normal. Right. So, like, what I was wondering is, I've been off, I've been off chemo for quite some time, and I was wondering about, because I can't really ask the doctor this, but, like, how long before I could start drinking again?

58:46 Drew You could ask him that.

58:48 Caller I can.

58:48 Drew Go ahead and ask him that.

58:50 Caller He's kind of a punk, and, like, it's like a, I don't know, it's a children's hospital, you know?

58:57 Drew Yeah.

58:58 Caller So, like, of course he's not going to be like, oh yeah, go ahead.

59:00 Drew No, listen, listen, children, pediatricians should be equipped to deal with 17 year olds, but I wouldn't be able to tell you this without knowing exactly what happened to your liver during the chemo, which chemo's you received. I will tell you that in most of the problems we're seeing these days with liver disease, an advanced, more advanced form of liver disease, it's usually whatever the underlying condition is plus alcohol that really puts people over the edge.

59:25 Adam Honey, is that chemo, is that a pill form?

59:27 Drew No, he probably got a bunch of stuff, yeah.

59:30 Adam You get the injections?

59:31 Drew And pills.

59:32 Adam They just poison out that cancer?

59:36 Drew That's curable cancer. Oh, good.

59:39 Adam That guy saved his life. He calls him a punk.

59:42 Drew That's funny.

59:43 Adam Desray?

59:44 Yes?

59:45 Adam You're 24?

59:46 Caller 24.

59:47 Adam What's up?

59:48 Caller I've been dating this guy for like 6 months now. And I can't, I'm afraid to tell him. I'm afraid that he might, might tell me that I don't love him anymore. It hurts to have sex with him. Real bad. And I don't know how to explain this pain.

1:00:04 Drew What's the pain? What's the problem?

1:00:06 Caller It's like shooting pain when he goes in me.

1:00:08 Drew So right at the beginning?

1:00:09 Caller Right in the beginning.

1:00:11 Adam How long has this been going on since the word go?

1:00:15 Caller It's been going on for 6 months.

1:00:16 Drew Is this your first boyfriend? Is this your first boyfriend?

1:00:20 Caller No it isn't.

1:00:21 Adam 6 months? And you guys have been dating for 6 months?

1:00:25 Caller Yeah.

1:00:26 Adam So since the beginning?

1:00:27 Caller Yeah.

1:00:28 Drew Have you had this problem with other boyfriends?

1:00:32 Caller No.

1:00:33 Adam They ever get raped?

1:00:34 Caller No.

1:00:36 Adam Molested?

1:00:37 Drew She never had this before. This is just with this guy. Is there an anatomic problem here?

1:00:42 Caller I, you know, I really don't know. I've been to OBGYNs and they say there's nothing wrong.

1:00:47 Adam Yeah.

1:00:48 Drew I'm not saying so much about there anything wrong with you. Is his size proportionately excessive for you?

1:00:55 Caller Oh, well, he told me he was like a seven and a half.

1:01:00 Drew So the size may be right?

1:01:02 Adam Oh, does that seem big?

1:01:05 Caller That's kind of big around. He's pretty thick.

1:01:11 Adam Well, you know how I measure the penis through, right?

1:01:14 Drew No.

1:01:15 Adam From the center of the anus to just beyond the tip.

1:01:21 Drew Yeah.

1:01:21 Adam Just a little, just beyond the end. I mean, whatever that is for you.

1:01:27 Drew Right. A little handicapping.

1:01:28 Adam Well, I believe that's how it's meant to be measured.

1:01:33 Drew Well, I understand that how long does that wound heal up after you push that ruler straight through your abdomen and your anus?

1:01:37 Adam No, you see, you don't understand. I go from the center of the anus outward. No, no, no. I start at the center of the anus.

1:01:46 Drew I just think you got to push it through the anus.

1:01:47 Adam No, no. I don't do that. I use a flexible, something a tailor would use.

1:01:54 Drew You go through the perineum, I see.

1:01:56 Adam Right. I go up along the bottom and just be on the tip there.

1:01:58 Drew That's good. That's good technique. I like that.

1:02:00 Adam Yeah.

1:02:01 Drew Where are you coming in? My four and a half days?

1:02:06 Adam It's not a good day. But the doctor said my anus is exceptionally close to my balls. Apparently, only one in a thousand guys have an anus in that proximity to the balls. He called it a blessing.

1:02:21 Drew I think he called it a vagina.

1:02:22 Adam Oh, maybe that's what he was getting at. I wasn't picking up on that. He did suggest I see a guy in college.

1:02:29 Drew Let's see who's getting right to it. All right.

1:02:31 Adam So what does Desiree need to do?

1:02:33 Drew Yeah, you need to figure something out with this guy. You need to tell him.

1:02:37 Adam The thing that worries me about Desiree is that I'm scared to tell him because he may not love me.

1:02:45 Drew That's crazy.

1:02:45 Adam What's up with that?

1:02:47 Caller Well, I've been through other relationships to where if I told a guy a certain thing, they would leave me because they think I was a whore or something like that.

1:02:56 Drew All right. Well, that's nuttiness. I don't know where.

1:02:59 Adam This is what worries me. Yeah.

1:03:00 Drew Why you've got either either you are truly with abusive guys or you're interpreting things they say as though they were abusive. You know what I'm saying? Your perceptions of them are as victimizers. If this guy cares about you, if he's a decent human being, if this is a relationship, you tell him something hurts, he'll try to adjust to make it comfortable for you, whether it's changing position or just relaxing or lubricant, whatever it is, you need to work with him. And if he doesn't have the feedback of what is harming you and hurting you, there's no way he can adjust.

1:03:32 Adam Do you have any kids?

1:03:33 Caller No, we don't.

1:03:34 Drew No, but you?

1:03:36 Caller No.

1:03:36 Adam Okay. All right, there.

1:03:39 Drew Talk to your boyfriend, please, please. You're not obliged to...

1:03:42 Caller I'm scared. I mean...

1:03:44 Adam What's wrong with you? What's your dad do? What kind of guy was he?

1:03:48 Caller Oh, my dad. I didn't know my dad.

1:03:51 Drew Other men in your life, were they abusive?

1:03:53 Caller My stepdad.

1:03:54 Drew Did he abuse you in some way?

1:03:57 Caller I didn't want to bring it up, but he used to touch me in places.

1:04:02 Adam Didn't I ask that ten minutes ago?

1:04:05 Caller Yeah, but I didn't think that would be involved.

1:04:11 Adam Now I know it. The second... Now here's my problem. The only time I'm wrong is when people lie to me. That's the way I feel about life. I could never be wrong. It's two options. Either I'm right or someone is lying about me not being right.

1:04:27 Drew On this show it seems to be true.

1:04:29 Adam She started talking about, I don't want to tell him he's not going to love me anymore if he can't touch me and I knew there was trouble. Okay baby, you got to get some help for that because that could be the cause of the problem too. Did you ever tell your mom or anybody about your stepdad?

1:04:47 Caller I told my mom. My mom did what she could with what she had. She did the info on what I gave her.

1:04:56 Drew She didn't do anything?

1:04:57 Caller He quit for a while.

1:04:59 Drew Yeah, she just told him to cut it out.

1:05:01 Caller Yeah, she just told him to cut it out or she would be divorcing.

1:05:04 Adam Right. And then he got back into it?

1:05:07 Caller No, he actually stopped after that.

1:05:10 Adam And how long did this go on from age what to age what?

1:05:13 Caller From age 17 to age 18.

1:05:16 Drew Do you have a little sister?

1:05:17 Caller No, I have an older sister.

1:05:20 Adam He started at 17.

1:05:22 Caller Yeah.

1:05:23 Drew And how did you sit still for that?

1:05:26 Caller He told me that one time he told me that no man would ever love me because of my weight.

1:05:34 Adam And how old, wait a minute, how long has this guy been your stepdad? Was he around when you were two years old?

1:05:42 Caller He was from age five.

1:05:45 Drew He must have been doing something more.

1:05:46 Adam This guy's just a drunken piece of ass.

1:05:49 Caller He used to drink. He doesn't do that no more. And it seems that since he quit, he hasn't been touching me or trying to.

1:05:58 Adam Well, you know, it would be nice if he was just that, I wouldn't want anyone to take a ramp for killing him, but I like it if he was just running with a gun and tripped and it just blew his head off. This guy's a piece of crap. That's exactly what it would sound like if a guy was running with a gun and blew his head off. So if Barney Rubble was running with a 12 gauge.

1:06:23 Drew There will be a little applause afterwards, though.

1:06:24 Adam Yeah. Desiree, listen, baby, you got to get some therapy.

1:06:30 Caller I've been through that.

1:06:31 Drew No, no, no. If you have been, it was totally inadequate.

1:06:35 Adam Full time job. Not only do you have a retarded hillbilly stepdad who's molesting you and telling you no man will ever love you, which is a nice, nice piece of information to pass along to the young lady. You're supposed to be your father figure too. But you got a mom who saw fit to marry this piece of ass. And listen, all you screwball moms out there, I blame you just as much. Go out and hook up with these drunken pieces of ass. And then rape your daughters. You're to blame. Believe me, you're to blame. I blame these guys too. But come on, there's a criminal on every corner. You got to bring them into the house and marry them? Leave them alone with your daughter? She should be just as pissed at her mom for bringing this guy in.

1:07:24 Drew Oh, we should not let the woman off the hook. I agree with you.

1:07:28 Adam David?

1:07:28 Drew We got to go to break.

1:07:29 Caller Yeah, hey.

1:07:30 Adam 17?

1:07:31 Caller Yeah, I had a question about morning after pill.

1:07:34 Adam Alright, well hold on.

1:07:36 Drew We'll get back to it.

1:07:37 Caller Okay.

1:07:37 Drew One second. Four seconds.

1:07:39 Caller Okay.

1:07:40 Drew Four minutes.

1:07:43 Adam Let's go wait till you clear that out, I figure. We'll take a little break. We'll get back with you in the morning after this.

1:07:51 Caller Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready. Ready.

1:08:22 Adam Hey, Loveline. Adam, that's Drew. Crap to crawdad. Got my ears ringing from getting off the plane and good times. New Orleans is quite a town.

1:08:39 Drew You know, I've been to Baton Rouge. I've never been to New Orleans.

1:08:42 Adam I'm not sure what you're missing. You're not missing anything.

1:08:47 Drew I actually-

1:08:47 Adam If you had a set of balls, you'd be missing something. But you've-

1:08:51 Drew You mean I wouldn't take advantage of what was there?

1:08:53 Adam Yeah.

1:08:53 Drew What'd you do?

1:08:55 Adam Just general drinking, carousing.

1:08:58 Drew Did you go to strip clubs?

1:08:59 Adam Yeah. Staying up till all hours of the night.

1:09:02 Drew How were the strip clubs?

1:09:03 Adam Well, the strippers there, they're all right. I met- got in with Larry Flint's brother. He pulled me right in. He's taller than Flint. He's about five feet taller than Flint.

1:09:16 Drew He's standing on the wheelchair.

1:09:17 Adam Yeah. But he's a bigger guy anyway. But he looks just like him. And he- what a gig. Your brother becomes Larry Flint, so he throws you a couple of bones with this strip club to look after. And that's what he does. But all the strippers over there are imported from around the country.

1:09:34 Drew Yeah.

1:09:35 Adam They drove out from Daytona and stuff because-

1:09:37 Drew Oh, right.

1:09:38 Adam They'll hit Mardi Gras and the Super Bowl, whatever, they come down there. Apparently, there's some sort of like a hospice system or youth hostel sort of thing that strippers have. Because every stripper I talked to was like, I got a friend down here, so I came down here and I stay with her. And I've been working all week. And then I'm driving, driving back to Virginia. And she comes out and works with me sometimes. Apparently, there's a camaraderie among strippers.

1:10:08 Drew No, it's an exchange.

1:10:09 Adam It's a stripper exchange program?

1:10:11 Drew Yeah, it's the ASI.

1:10:12 Adam They stay...

1:10:14 Drew The American Stripper International Fund.

1:10:17 Adam They all pack into the same place. They all have a friend. And they go down to Key West. And then they get a place there because they know another chick there. So...

1:10:28 Drew Yeah, it's a host family for strippers.

1:10:30 Adam Yeah, that's how it works. I'd like to extend that welcome to any strippers who are thinking about coming to the LA area. Need a place to stay. Three hots and a goose. Not a cot. California king, baby. David?

1:10:48 Caller Hi.

1:10:48 Adam You're seventeen?

1:10:50 Caller Yeah, I got two quick questions.

1:10:51 Adam Alright.

1:10:52 Caller Okay, what about the morning after pill? My girlfriend, she took it twice already. And one, because I thought I was sterile. Like, because of some other stuff that happened earlier on in the year.

1:11:02 Drew Hold on a second. You jumped right through that. You mean you weren't using protection because you thought you were sterile?

1:11:07 Caller Yeah, that was the second time. The first time I just, it was just a mistake. Just plain and simple.

1:11:12 Drew You understand that this does not make any sense to somebody who's listening to this story for the first time?

1:11:16 Caller Okay. Alright. First time we had sex.

1:11:19 Adam Yeah, I understand that.

1:11:21 Caller I didn't use protection and we had to get the morning after pill.

1:11:24 Drew Okay, but if you thought you were sterile, why?

1:11:26 Caller That's the second time.

1:11:27 Drew Yeah, why did you suddenly become sterile?

1:11:30 Caller Because I had cancer.

1:11:31 Drew Okay. That's the piece you left out, okay?

1:11:34 Adam Yeah, but he said he thought he was sterile.

1:11:37 Drew Yeah, it doesn't make sense when somebody says why had sex twice the first time. We had a problem, the condom broke. Second time, I was sterile.

1:11:43 Adam Yeah, but listen, I hate our college as much as you do, Drew, but I assume that some event happened between then and the second time.

1:11:51 Drew What kind of chemo did you get? Was it Hodgkin's again?

1:11:53 Caller Yeah, Hodgkin's.

1:11:54 Adam What's Hodgkin's night?

1:11:56 Drew What stage were you?

1:11:57 Caller I was stage four.

1:11:58 Drew Okay, so same thing as our last time.

1:11:59 Adam Is that a good stage to be in?

1:12:01 Drew No.

1:12:02 Adam Stage four seems like...

1:12:03 Drew That's the highest stage.

1:12:05 Adam Yeah.

1:12:05 Drew One is the good one.

1:12:06 Caller Yeah.

1:12:08 Adam I'd shoot for half.

1:12:09 Caller Yeah.

1:12:10 Drew But the chemo, each stage has a different treatment.

1:12:13 Adam I thought four would be bad, but the last guy had four, got his chemo, seems to be all right.

1:12:18 Drew It's a curable cancer.

1:12:19 Caller Yeah, it's pretty curable. So anyway, the third time, was actually my girlfriend got freaked out because she thought that I like, that I was like, that she was really pregnant, because she started feeling sick like the next day, and I was like, there's no way it's going to happen. But either way, she wanted to get the morning after pill.

1:12:40 Drew Okay.

1:12:40 Caller So she had her friend go and get it because the people there at the clinic said that she couldn't get it because the third time was dangerous or something.

1:12:49 Drew No, they probably didn't say it was dangerous. They said if you're needing it three times as a problem, because this is not a means of contraception, it's an emergency backup measure. If you're starting to rely on it as a contraceptive, there's a problem. Many places will consider three times, that's as far as we're going.

1:13:05 Adam That's the threshold.

1:13:06 Drew You need to do something in more retro.

1:13:09 Adam But I have heard that. I don't know why, and maybe it was for the same reason I heard it tonight, that you couldn't do this stuff that often.

1:13:20 Drew It's not good for you to keep doing it.

1:13:22 Adam Well, then maybe that's what they're saying.

1:13:23 Drew But it's not dangerous.

1:13:24 Adam Okay.

1:13:25 Drew It's not dangerous, and it's just not contraception at that point. You need prospective contraception.

1:13:32 Adam All right. Well, time to get on that. Patrick? Hey, how you doing? You're 20?

1:13:37 Caller Yes, sir.

1:13:40 Adam You cheated on your girlfriend?

1:13:42 Caller Actually, my girlfriend cheated on me.

1:13:44 Adam Yeah. Another theme. Hey.

1:13:46 Caller Yeah, I know.

1:13:47 Adam That's why I... I'm telling you, blessings you...

1:13:48 Caller .to call, because that other guy called there.

1:13:51 Adam You could have cancer, though, so consider yourself lucky.

1:13:53 Drew Did you have Hodgkin's disease?

1:13:54 Adam You got a choice between Hodgkin's and being cheated on today.

1:13:58 Caller I'd take the cheating.

1:13:59 Adam Take the cheating?

1:14:00 Caller Smart.

1:14:01 Adam Smart move.

1:14:02 Caller Just a little bit.

1:14:03 Adam Right. All right. So she cheated on you.

1:14:05 Caller Yeah. Well, she cheated on me. Everything was going fine. We were together for about a year and a half. And I hadn't found out about this until three months later. So when I finally found out, it was kind of the same thing like she told one of my friends and my friend held it from me. Kind of like, you didn't want to tell me because he's felt that it was just our business.

1:14:26 Adam Well, so now-

1:14:26 Caller But I finally prided out of him.

1:14:28 Adam So now what?

1:14:29 Caller So now I'm wondering, I took her back and we're together now. We've been together for another six months. We've been together for two years. So I'm wondering if I took her back because I'm like creating some vicious cycle because, you know, my parents, they were cheating on each other. And, you know, my brothers had relationships where they cheated on each other and their girlfriends. I'm just wondering, did I take her back because, you know, just because I'm following suit?

1:14:59 Adam Or I think you found her because you're following suit.

1:15:02 Drew See, that's the thing is that that's what you want. You find that person who's a cheater and that's what you want. That's what you love.

1:15:08 Adam And now the dance begins.

1:15:09 Drew Right. So the dance is not what you're into. You're into the person who is a cheater.

1:15:14 Adam Well, well, wait a minute. She can do the cheater's dance, which she may be interested in engaging in, which she's looking at getting back into right now.

1:15:22 Drew That's because she's that kind of person. That's what she is.

1:15:25 Caller She's had past sexual kind of experiences, too. Like she's actually been molested before by a parent and she's had numerous one-night stands with guys and she was actually my first time.

1:15:41 Drew Oh, boy.

1:15:41 Caller All right. Yeah. So, I mean, this is like my first time I've ever actually, you know, had vaginal sex with any woman before.

1:15:48 Drew Well, it doesn't have to be like this. I understand you're into this kind of person, but this is not a good choice of someone to be involved with in this way. It's going to be a mess, and it's not going to get better. Unless she works on ready to go.

1:16:00 Adam I would say, I would say cut your losses. And find yourself a nice.

1:16:05 Drew A milder cheater.

1:16:07 Adam Just a nice chick, you know, more like yourself. Whose vagina mimics more the past of your penis, or the attitude or posture of your penis.

1:16:17 Drew Meaning? A virgin?

1:16:21 Adam Not necessarily a virgin, just with your genitalia sensibilities are sort of on the same page.

1:16:29 Drew Not road wearing.

1:16:30 Adam Yeah. I'm not talking about the fact that she's had a lot of partners, but she's chaotic, this one.

1:16:35 Drew Oh boy.

1:16:36 Adam And I feel bad for her. Somebody molested her, she didn't get any help, and now she's going to be acting out for the rest of her life. It's game on.

1:16:43 Drew Until she finds a nice guy, then she'll shut down completely. You could get her over it.

1:16:48 Adam I could shut her down sexually. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think I think I could. Yeah, I should offer that as a service.

1:16:56 Drew I was just saying, the therapeutic.

1:16:57 Adam Daughter's out of control, sleeping with too many guys, scared your wife's going to cheat when you're on this long business trip. Just have Ace give her a call. He'll shut her down. Mr. Freeze, they call me. That is your sub-zero.

1:17:10 Drew I'll be back.

1:17:12 Adam They spray my liquid nitrogen semen all over them for my special penis bump and the frozen solid until you're ready to thaw them and have sex with them. Lex?

1:17:24 Yeah.

1:17:24 Adam You're, oh, Lex the girl, like Lexi.

1:17:27 Yeah.

1:17:28 Adam I like that name. You're 17. What's up?

1:17:32 Caller Um, like ten days ago, me and my friends, we talked it up and stuff and um, today my mom is like, tomorrow you're getting drug tested because I'm applying to go work at Albertans, right?

1:17:47 Drew Albertans, right?

1:17:48 Caller Yeah.

1:17:48 Adam Right. Supermarket.

1:17:50 Caller Yeah.

1:17:51 Adam Yeah. It's a supermarket.

1:17:52 Drew Why is your mom involved with this?

1:17:54 Caller Um, because she handed in the, she works there.

1:17:58 Drew I see.

1:17:58 Caller And I'm going to get to work there as the box girl and stuff.

1:18:01 Adam Oh, a legacy. Hey, isn't that, isn't that, that's a union gig, right?

1:18:07 Caller Yeah.

1:18:07 Adam Oh, I tried so hard to get a goddamn job at a supermarket when I was like 17, 18, and 19, and probably 20, because they get paid way more than they deserve because it's the union way.

1:18:20 Drew The plumb was always the guys that got to stock the shelves at four in the morning. Remember that?

1:18:24 Adam No, the plumb was the baggers.

1:18:27 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:18:27 Adam Or the checkers.

1:18:29 Drew Oh, checkers for jazz.

1:18:30 Adam So they get paid more on airline pilots. All right.

1:18:32 Caller Anyway, anyway, so I have to get how much is this job start at? Like seven bucks an hour or so. Like, you know, wait a minute, six seventy five minimum wage, you know, minimum wage.

1:18:49 Adam The hell is this union gig? You get paid six seventy five.

1:18:54 Drew You got to join the union first.

1:18:55 Caller Oh, all right.

1:18:56 Adam Well, anyway. So what about the drug test, Drew?

1:19:01 Drew You see your question is ten days after you smoke pot, is something going to show up in your urine?

1:19:04 Caller Yeah, I don't want the.

1:19:05 Drew Well, were you smoking every day leading up to that?

1:19:08 Caller No, no, no. It was just, like I decided to do with my friends. It was like the time before that was in October.

1:19:14 Drew You should be fine.

1:19:15 Caller Really?

1:19:16 Drew Yeah.

1:19:16 Caller And I've been drinking like tons of water day.

1:19:18 Caller I've been like drinking all day.

1:19:19 Drew One thing you don't want to do is take anything that would adulter the urine because if something like a golden seal or something like that shows up in your urine, that is considered a positive test. So if you try screwing with your urine, you're done.

1:19:31 Adam What about the theory, the flushing theory?

1:19:34 Drew That's right. Just don't.

1:19:36 Adam I mean, well, what about it?

1:19:37 Drew It's good.

1:19:37 Adam I mean.

1:19:38 Drew It dilutes it if there's anything, you know, a little bit that might be detected.

1:19:41 Adam You chug a gallon of water each day and just whiz that system through? No, not quite the same.

1:19:48 Drew Not quite the same. I think more.

1:19:50 Adam It's not like, you know, once in a while, you take a container like an orange juice container and you're going to use it to chug some water out of or something. So you rinse it once. It still tastes like orange juice, but you rinse it 10 times. It doesn't taste like it anymore.

1:20:03 Drew Right.

1:20:04 Adam But it's not that theory.

1:20:05 Drew It's not that theory. If you however fast or exercise, stuff can be mobilized from the fat and show up. But I think the main thing you want to do is when you go in that morning is have a very dilute urine. That's when you want the dilute urine.

1:20:17 Adam I couldn't pass one of those tests. I got hold of some righteous herb last night.

1:20:22 Drew Boy, I'll tell you what, you're still under the influence. I got news for you.

1:20:26 Adam I don't I don't know.

1:20:27 Drew Although it must have been easier to deal with. You're a little nicer.

1:20:30 Adam I don't I don't smoke much weed anymore. But last night. Oh, holy Christ. Pots getting scary these days.

1:20:38 Drew Did you see things?

1:20:40 Adam I saw my hand stuffing pizza into my face.

1:20:43 Caller Does that count?

1:20:45 Adam Four large pizzas showed up the room. There were five guys. Crazy. Yeah. You know, it's really funny to when a guy says stone, he's ordering pizza and he's got four other stone guys explaining them what they need. And it goes like, so it's like, okay, give me half sausage and half pepperoni, and then give me one plain and then give me one that's half mushroom. And this guy was breaking the thing in the halves. I don't like that because they charge you for two toppings.

1:21:15 Drew Oh, do they?

1:21:16 Adam They always do. I don't go for that crap.

1:21:18 Drew Oh, I didn't know that.

1:21:19 Adam Literally a millionaire, but that's how I became one.

1:21:21 Drew Pay attention to that.

1:21:22 Adam Not doubling down on the toppings. You see what I'm saying?

1:21:24 Drew Yeah, I think you got this.

1:21:25 Adam So halfway into it, I start yelling at the guy. Instead of getting the half-sausage, like two half-sausages and two half-pepperoni, we're getting four pizzas anyway. Just get one whole pepperoni, one whole sausage. Why are you breaking it up that way? So he can't handle it. He's got to go into the bedroom and get on the phone and people are yelling other things out.

1:21:44 Drew At that point when you're in a pizza too, when you're in that condition, it's like calling for an ambulance. I mean, it is an urgent issue.

1:21:50 Adam Yeah, oh yeah.

1:21:51 Now this is wonderful.

1:21:54 Drew Ann's got Huell Howser lined up to come up here.

1:21:56 Adam Really?

1:21:57 Drew Yes.

1:21:58 Adam Wow.

1:21:59 Drew Yes.

1:22:00 Adam Got to talk to him about the tacos. Tacos that that he keeps tacos for sweeps. Tacos have like.

1:22:11 Drew Grant, I paid a little bit.

1:22:12 Adam Tacos have like three ingredients in them. You understand he usually deals with stuff that just have flour.

1:22:17 Drew We're going to break down the ingredients. But but the I realize I paid a little attention to him that he is really a California entity. Yes.

1:22:27 Adam People outside of California will not know him. But it doesn't matter.

1:22:32 Drew His stuff is about the trail on California.

1:22:35 Adam Oh, California is gold. But Drew doesn't know anything. And you know sporadic bits of information that are oftentimes impressive but mostly disappointing. Thanks, buddy. Don't worry about it. Rusty?

1:22:53 Yes.

1:22:54 Adam You're 44.

1:22:55 Caller Yes, I am.

1:22:56 Adam At what point do you give up the Rusty? Into the 50s? You know what I'm saying?

1:23:01 Caller I'll be Rusty till I die. I don't know.

1:23:03 Drew Didn't you run a few Rustys from Boston when you were?

1:23:05 Adam No, I ran into A-holes. Go ahead.

1:23:09 Drew I'm sorry, Rusty.

1:23:10 Caller Well, I just want to say that the advice you gave to the gentleman that called earlier was absolutely correct. You should never get too involved with a woman that's that chaotic.

1:23:19 Adam All right.

1:23:20 Drew What happened to you?

1:23:21 Caller Well, I used to be a pretty normal guy till I had the incredible misfortune of falling in love with a really messed up young woman.

1:23:28 Drew What was her deal?

1:23:28 Caller She eventually ended up committing suicide. It kind of threw me for a loop and that was 10 years ago and I'm only just now beginning to come back to life.

1:23:37 Drew What was her deal?

1:23:39 Caller Well, she was abused by a family member.

1:23:42 Adam Did she kill herself in some gruesome way?

1:23:46 Caller She shot herself.

1:23:47 Adam That's gruesome. And was that at your residence?

1:23:51 Caller No, no it wasn't. It was at her house.

1:23:53 Adam Oh, all right. You didn't have to trip over her body or anything then?

1:23:57 Caller No, thank God.

1:23:58 Adam That's good. Did you see her?

1:24:00 Caller No, no. I didn't even go to the funeral.

1:24:02 Adam Oh, well, let's not overdo it there, Rusty.

1:24:07 Drew Was this something where there was a lot of chaos and cheating and all that stuff in the relationship?

1:24:11 Caller Yeah, she had a, she had, yeah. I always put a lot of stock in the loyalty and fidelity and that just wasn't her. But nevertheless, I felt devoted to her and...

1:24:21 Adam Well, how's it going now, Rusty? What are you doing?

1:24:24 Caller Well, when it first happened, I kind of swore off love. You know, I thought I would just never invest that much emotion again, but...

1:24:32 Adam Oh, I feel a song coming up. No?

1:24:36 Drew No.

1:24:36 Adam Okay, sorry.

1:24:38 Caller But I'm starting to come around now. Although I do have one problem. I think I've fallen in love with a young lady that's entirely too young for me.

1:24:47 Drew How old?

1:24:47 Adam Eleven.

1:24:48 Caller Seventeen.

1:24:49 Caller Unacceptable.

1:24:50 Adam You're forty-four.

1:24:51 Drew Rusty. Just think about how you presented that, Joseph. I think she might be a little too young for me.

1:24:56 Adam A little. Well, but wait a minute. If he was out here, and he was a producer in the industry in some way...

1:25:02 Drew Of course there's that. But otherwise she'd be his granddaughter.

1:25:04 Adam Right. Well, where'd you meet this young gal, Rusty?

1:25:08 Caller Well, I was... I'm best friends with her father.

1:25:12 Adam No!

1:25:14 Drew He's gonna love that.

1:25:15 Caller But I've never put any moves on her. I've never made any...

1:25:18 Adam I've always been very careful to hide my feelings. Do you think she has an interest in you?

1:25:24 Caller No.

1:25:24 Adam No. All right. Well, that's good, then.

1:25:26 Caller This is just my fantasy.

1:25:27 Adam Yeah, that's all right.

1:25:29 Drew You weren't abused yourself.

1:25:30 Caller Well, yeah, I actually was.

1:25:31 Drew Yeah, no kidding.

1:25:32 Adam Who abused him? Who abused you?

1:25:35 Caller A friend of the family.

1:25:36 Drew All right. Well, here's the deal. You get some treatment for that before you act out on somebody. You're gonna be attractive to young people. It sort of makes you stuck at the age you were when you were abused, and you're stuck there. And as you're having been abused, that you were trying to rescue that part of yourself that you saw in your old girlfriend who eventually committed suicide. Now as opposed to being a rescuer, now you're going to become a victimizer. It's all the same issue, just different valences, different sort of charges on this.

1:26:06 Adam And also from a medical standpoint, if a guy named Rusty nails you, I believe you need a tennis shot.

1:26:12 Drew No pun intended?

1:26:14 Adam Yeah, no pun intended. Thanks Drew, you jackass. You gotta step on every good joke. Come on, son of a bitch.

1:26:21 Drew I thought it was helping if he nails you, Rusty.

1:26:24 Adam I know, but you got so caught up in that, you missed the whole tennis part.

1:26:28 Drew That was all part of it. No pun intended. Let's go to break.

1:26:35 Adam All right.

1:26:36 Caller I'm gonna be back. I'm gonna be back in a minute.

1:27:14 Adam My theme song, I missed that one.

1:27:16 Drew Oh, come on. They must have been hearing this all over in New Orleans.

1:27:19 Adam I was hearing it in my head as I was slicing through the crowd into the trendy clubs.

1:27:26 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:27:27 Adam But I don't know if the other folks were hearing it. Of course.

1:27:29 Drew You were in a strip club.

1:27:30 Caller I don't know.

1:27:31 Adam Some of them seemed like they were tapping their foot to a little different tune.

1:27:35 Drew Oh, this one. Yeah.

1:27:37 Caller Yeah.

1:27:38 Adam I think this may have been a little bit more like they were hearing.

1:27:47 Drew This certainly you walking in here tonight. I heard this one precisely what I've heard all evening.

1:27:53 Adam Hey, I had a long day, Drew, in a very long few days.

1:27:57 Drew I'm just saying.

1:27:58 Adam You know what? You know what time I got to my house this evening? 925. Dustin?

1:28:05 Caller What's up, man?

1:28:06 Adam 22 there, buddy. What's up?

1:28:08 Caller Hey, I got a quick question for you.

1:28:10 Caller It seems as though every time me and my girlfriend have sex, she has this sensation that she has to pee.

1:28:17 Drew During the sex or afterwards?

1:28:19 Caller During.

1:28:21 Drew Is that right around the time she's reaching climax?

1:28:25 Caller Well, I'm not sure.

1:28:26 Caller It seems as though she's kind of holding back.

1:28:28 Drew Because she's afraid she's going to pee?

1:28:30 Caller Yeah, probably.

1:28:31 Drew Yeah, that's kind of a common complaint.

1:28:33 Adam Yeah, I'm going to have to start using that one.

1:28:35 Caller So what should I tell her to do?

1:28:36 Drew Relax. Some women will pee. Some women, that's actually what will happen. Some it's just a sensation and they're sort of embarrassed and ashamed. You've got to reassure her things are okay and maybe change position and work with her a little bit.

1:28:48 Adam Okay. We got a homeless guy who accidentally drank pee.

1:28:53 Drew I want to hear this.

1:28:55 Adam Don?

1:28:56 Caller Yeah.

1:28:56 Adam Are you a homeless guy?

1:28:58 Caller Yeah. Well, I've been living in my car for about three and a half months. I moved out of my brother's house and what happened was, it's just one quick question I'm going to ask both of you. I took a nap in my car after I ate fast food at Burger King. When I woke up, usually after when I wake up from a nap in my car, I'll drink the leftover ice that's in the container. It was filled with my own urine because while I parked my car, I didn't want anyone, I couldn't go outside and go to the bathroom. So when I drank it, I drank about half way, I drank about 8 to 12 ounces of it.

1:29:30 Adam No, you did not.

1:29:32 Caller No, I swear to God I did.

1:29:34 Adam How high? Hold on.

1:29:37 Drew How drunk was he? Ask him that.

1:29:38 Adam Listen, first off, he said 8 or 12 ounces. So he's got a 16, 24 ounce of urine. And he thinks, now mind you, he thinks what's in the cup is melted ice. Right. So first off, pick up a 24 ounce cup that's filled with urine.

1:29:57 Drew Yeah.

1:29:57 Adam That doesn't feel any different in your hand. Nice warm urine than the cold liquid that would be at the bottom of the ice.

1:30:04 Drew The three ounces of ice.

1:30:05 Adam Then you take that, and you know how your reflex is. You take a sip of orange juice, what you think is orange juice turns out to be milk, you spit it out. You spit urine even further than the milk.

1:30:17 Drew He could have been drunk.

1:30:18 Adam That's what I asked him. He said no. So he kept chugging the urine, not knowing it wasn't the plain melted ice.

1:30:26 Drew Maybe he's overstating the amount. Anyway, that's here.

1:30:28 Caller All right.

1:30:30 Adam Don?

1:30:30 Caller Yeah, I heard you. No, I'm in AA. I got six years clean and sober, no drugs, no alcohol. What happened was I was mistaken. I woke up right from my nap and I just started chugging. And then I did like you guys just said, I spit it out all over my car. But I got at least four to six out. I got a hefty amount in me and I started feeling queasy. And that was about five hours ago. Yeah. Am I at any kind of hep C risk or something like that?

1:30:56 Adam You gave yourself hepatitis?

1:30:58 Caller No, I mean, am I at what's the worst that could happen to me?

1:31:00 Adam I guess I'm scared somebody could date you. You have to make out with a urine mouth. And here's the saddest part of this story. The most tragic part is he usually keeps keeps a fudge brownie for dessert. You see, Drew, that he usually eats after his nap. But he defecated on a Winchell's napkin because, you know, it wasn't polite to do it out in the street. And there was some confusion. And he got a good, good 14, 15 ounces into that Dooky log before he realized.

1:31:33 Drew Did he realize that brownie came with corn?

1:31:34 Adam He ordered a pecan roll. I'm sure he loves Dooky talk. Hey Don, the urine is, it's sterile.

1:31:44 Caller So since it's my own, am I going to be all right? Or should I go down to my doctor?

1:31:48 Drew Listen, people-

1:31:49 Adam You should drive your house down to the doctor.

1:31:54 Drew People stay hydrated at sea by drinking their own pee.

1:31:58 Adam Yeah.

1:31:59 Caller So it's okay.

1:32:00 Drew You can get your remake sort of, your BUN can climb up, you can get problems from that. You're never clearing the stuff out of your system.

1:32:06 Adam Yogis do it. You'll be fine.

1:32:08 Drew Don't worry about it.

1:32:09 Adam But anyone that can believe he could infect himself with Hepatitis C could drink up to 12 ounces of Well, the guy who's on his fifth sip of urine and not knowing the difference between that and Mr. Pibb, that's the guy who frightens me.

1:32:22 Drew Well, and the same guy who thinks he can give himself Hepatitis C.

1:32:25 Adam All right, buddy. Hey, how about getting a job, getting out of the car? What about it, buddy? You're sober for six years now, right?

1:32:31 Caller I'm a second time caller. I called about a year ago and I was taking lithium and I have a depression and anxiety thing going on. And I'm trying to get a grip on it. I asked for therapy for my doctors and they want to get me stabilized first. Before I get on therapy, they said, does that sound true?

1:32:48 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:32:48 Adam Drew, is there a 12-step program for urine? Does that exist? UA?

1:32:54 Drew PA? No.

1:32:57 Adam All right, we're going to take ourselves a short little break. Drew and I are going to have a big fat laugh and then we'll be back.

1:33:04 Caller Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me.

1:33:06 Caller So what's up?

1:33:06 Caller So I was like you and I used to think that these datelines were totally cheesy.

1:33:09 Caller Why can't I meet anybody?

1:33:10 Caller But I tried everything else I thought.

1:33:12 Caller What the hell? So I called the dateline and actually met a cool guy.

1:33:14 Caller I called the dateline and I hooked up with some cool people.

1:33:16 Caller Believe it or not, other normal people are out there looking too.

1:33:19 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:33:22 Caller Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191. We'll be right back.

1:33:55 Adam All righty. Well, there's the show.

1:33:57 Drew Oh, Adam.

1:33:58 Adam Delighted to be back.

1:33:59 Drew You won't remember this show tomorrow.

1:34:00 Adam That's nice. Oh, please.

1:34:03 Drew You driving home or I'm going to have to call Culver City PD here?

1:34:08 Adam Oh, no. They got bigger fish to fry. They got dead people driving through red arrows when the signal is green at 2 in the morning with no traffic coming from any direction. So they got to bust those people because those folks are dangerous individuals. All right, we'll take a little extendo break. Going to have some Indy racers in here tomorrow night. I am a bit of a motorhead. So it's always a good show where I can get into it with those guys. So until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:41 Caller Go Pats!

1:34:44 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, February 5, 2002