Episode 1000735169789

14:37 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

14:41 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

14:44 Voiceover Sexually oriented content.

14:47 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

14:49 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

14:53 Voiceover This is Loveline.

14:57 Voiceover With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

15:00 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified. Would you shut up with that, Drew? Board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist, and this is it. This is the last time I will tell Drew to shut up while I'm talking while he flips.

15:18 Drew I'm sure you'll make good use of the next couple hours.

15:21 Adam Ah, nah. I got it out of my system over the last 10 years. This is the last show for me, everybody, but it is not the end. You know what I was thinking about? I made a few notes. I was thinking about it today. One of the things I was thinking about is Loveline is really like a great sports franchise. I was privileged to play quarterback for that franchise for 10 glorious seasons without injury.

15:48 Drew What does that make me while you were quarterback? Bar boy?

15:51 Adam No, no. I'd say special teams, maybe did some long snapping.

15:55 Drew Yeah. It's important.

15:57 Adam Yeah. You know, when we would practice for a big game, you would be on the squad that mimicked the defense of the team we were playing.

16:04 Drew Scrimmaging team, yeah.

16:04 Adam Yeah. And, you know, a little fluffing. A little fluffing. My point is, is I'm not taking the show with me when I leave, just like when Brett Favre leaves the Packers, he's not taking the team with him. Right. Maybe he was a good quarterback, maybe have some good memories of him, but someone else will step in, and the cheeseheads will go on. And that's how I feel about this. That's sort of the analogy. And I imagine possibly even one day when the great Dr. Drew decides to step aside, the show will keep going. I hope so because I hope there's always a place for a show like this on the radio. And I was thinking about it, I was thinking about it all day. And I realized, the kind of show that this is, we have the opportunity to connect with people at a deeper level and a more intimate level. And I would much rather do that than do a sitcom where I connected with 20 million people who didn't know my real name.

17:04 Drew Right, we get to do it more than anywhere in media.

17:06 Adam Anywhere.

17:07 Drew And as the other thing we get to do that nobody ever does is we get to see little vignettes about people's pathology hundreds and thousands of times over.

17:15 Adam I know.

17:16 Drew I know.

17:17 Adam No, I mean, you know, Jane Goodall goes and hangs out with some chimps for three years and she's a pro. Come on, man, someone ought to pick our brain.

17:25 Drew Right.

17:25 Adam Because I'm telling you, there's a cache of teenage knowledge up in my bean. I was doing some other math and I was sitting down just about an hour before I came in, I realized I've done this show for over 10 years. That's 13 calls later.

17:42 Drew What?

17:42 Adam Because I average about a call and a half a year, I realize. No, 10 years, over 10 years.

17:48 Drew Yeah.

17:49 Adam I figure I worked about 240 days out of the year.

17:53 Drew Okay.

17:53 Adam Because 10 years, 365 days, whatever, minus the weekends and all that stuff.

17:59 Drew So you're talking about what, 2,600, 2,700 shows?

18:04 Adam I don't know how many shows, but I figured about 25 calls a night. Now I take three, but back in the day I used to take 35. 6,000 calls a year and 60,000 calls. 60,000 calls, everybody. Do I ever need to pick up the phone again? Wow.

18:26 Drew No wonder you started getting frustrated with it.

18:29 Adam And a couple of things as I was putting these times together and I-

18:32 Drew Oh my God. I was just thinking about my own numbers.

18:34 Adam Oh, you're probably- Hundreds of thousands, yeah. I was thinking as I was putting these numbers together, you know, I really loved doing this show. I always did. And one of the things, one of the reasons you could tell I loved doing this show is we never finished this show early. We always finish two minutes late.

18:53 Drew Yeah.

18:54 Adam We would always get cut off.

18:55 Drew Yeah.

18:56 Adam I mean, think about that in terms of a job where they say, you need to be off the air at midnight every night.

19:02 Drew We could never do it.

19:02 Adam And we could never do it. There was always a couple more syllables to squeeze in, and we would always go off at midnight plus a minute and three quarter, and Anderson would be screaming, the satellite's going to drop out.

19:14 Drew And then what a lot of people don't realize is, of course, we don't cease the conversation.

19:18 Adam Who knew? Nope. Goes right into the hall. That goes into the parking lot. That goes into the car, and that goes onto the cell phone. And I hope we can keep that going.

19:29 Drew How? You're going to be asleep.

19:30 Adam Right. We're going to work it out.

19:33 Drew I'm going to call you on the way to work from now on. I'm going to do it.

19:35 Adam Call me on the way to work.

19:36 Drew Happily.

19:36 Adam Yeah. All right. The other thing is, so just so everyone understands, I'm going to be doing mornings in a few months. I was asked by my new bosses to start prepping for that. And that meant meetings and that meant moving around and that meant doing some test shows and it meant a whole bunch of stuff that didn't leave time in it for this show. And I understand that. They're paying me well and I have to respect that. And I stayed on one more week because I didn't want to just drop the bomb in the middle last week. And unfortunately, this is the last day of the last week. But I was thinking while I was putting these numbers together, I really did love doing this show. And one of the things I realized when I was trying to sort of calculate the numbers, how many days out of the year I worked, I got five or six weeks vacation every year. And I probably took two weeks. And that was just because you and Ann were going skiing and I had been left here with Stryker. Or worse, Dr. Bruce. Bruce, is he here? Yes, he is. I mean, Bruce. Bruce. Yeah, Dr. Spass. So that's how much I love. Please, Bruce, this is about me. That's how you know a guy loves his job. And I'm a lazy guy. Ask anyone who's worked with me. I am lazy. I actually wanted to come in when I had vacation time.

21:00 Drew You know, it really is extraordinary now that you would do the one to three a.m. shifts in the east that we used to have to do when we travel.

21:06 Adam Yes.

21:07 Drew And for a lazy guy to just pull that off.

21:09 Adam Yeah. Now, I really.

21:10 Drew Without really, you were never late or anything.

21:13 Adam I really dig it and dug it because of the connection and because of the people who listen to the show and because of the much deeper connection. I feel like you can get even in nighttime radio over. I think you get a much deeper connection in radio in general over TV.

21:31 Drew For sure.

21:32 Adam Oh, man.

21:33 Drew Yeah.

21:33 Adam You know, it was really interesting. And then I'll get into the nighttime daytime thing because I think it gets even deeper at night. I think about it. Absolutely. It's like it's like putting a black sack over your head. You're like some cameramen from CNN. It's being transported by the Shiite Muslims. You know, you hear everything, you can't see anything.

21:51 Drew And how about them? The colors are just in an isolation tank too. They're by themselves in the road, they're going on, no distractions.

21:57 Adam Right. It's deeper.

21:59 Drew You're right.

21:59 Adam It is much deeper. And that to me is endlessly fascinating and provocative and interesting. And for some reason, Drew and I seem to be the only guys that are really into that. Now there's a lot of guys who do late night radio, but they're pissed off. They want to do daytime radio or they want to do morning radio.

22:17 Drew Right. Or they like talking about superficial material at night.

22:21 Adam Right.

22:21 Drew Politics or something.

22:23 Adam I like flying under the radar. And I like penetrating into what I felt was a sort of deeper into the skull of the people that are listening to the show. And as my wife went on to The Loveline Companion tonight and read me some of the heartfelt, well, I don't want to call them condolences, but goodbyes and farewells, I started to well up. I couldn't believe it, hearing these teenagers talking about, you know, starting to listen in the seventh grade when they're 13 years old, and now they've graduated college and have two kids, and oh my God. And that's the other thing I realized about this show. And I say this show, I don't mean me, I mean this show, because this show was around 10, 13 years before I got here, and God willing, it'll be here 10, 13, 100 years after I leave. But this show caught people, not only at night when they were vulnerable, but at a vulnerable age. Not hardened, jaded, you know, when you're 30, it's like you're either Republican or you're Democrat, you're gay or straight, you're whatever, conservative or liberal, you are what you are. And then you just seek out people who share the same opinions you do. If you're right-wing, you listen to Rush Limbaugh, and if you're left, you listen to Al Franken, and that's about it. And they just agree, you just nod your head at your own stupid points.

23:43 Drew This is really just about, this is much more about being a human.

23:46 Adam You catch people when they haven't declared a major yet, you catch them at 14, 13, 15, 16 years old, and you can grow with them, or they can grow with you. And I just, I just, I just felt like that was a privilege.

24:02 Drew It's nice.

24:03 Adam All right. I got, I got people to thank.

24:06 Drew I also think we should, we should review your history too. Some of them have never really done the radio. No, no, I mean, how this all came about.

24:13 Adam All right.

24:13 Drew We've never really done that.

24:14 Adam We haven't?

24:15 Drew Not in the radio.

24:16 Adam All right, keep talking. I'm taking a sip.

24:17 Drew Well, you know, we, Adam, people don't know, got onto radio, onto morning show radio in Los Angeles by doing a character called Mr. Birch. I mean, you can see on Crank Yachters. Got that opportunity while swinging a Hamler. You were also at Hamler.

24:32 Adam Hamler sounds like a great sandwich. You were also at the Hamler. You were in the swiss.

24:38 Drew Yeah.

24:38 Adam But swiss and grill it. Would you grill a Hamler? Like grill Hamler. Hamler. Yeah. The what would the Hamler have on it, Drew? I think we'd have some crowd on it. That's that's that's one of the great.

24:50 Drew Yeah. So you'd be like a Ruben with us thinly sliced ham.

24:55 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Although they did have the turkey Hamler. Of course, which was a smoked turkey ham. But it was a turkey Hamler.

25:01 Drew Of course.

25:01 Adam Yeah. Go ahead. You know what I like to eat the Hamler? Little French little little French dressing, little Russian.

25:06 Drew Of course. A little Russian dressing.

25:08 Adam Spread it on a sandwich. Hamler. Hamler and some of those thick cut fries.

25:12 Drew Hamler fries.

25:13 Adam Yeah. It's good. Yeah.

25:15 Drew What was I talking about?

25:16 Adam And a coleslaw.

25:16 Drew So you don't have coleslaw? Of course we do. How dare you?

25:20 Adam You do?

25:20 Drew Of course.

25:21 Adam All right. What were we saying? Oh, how I got, I was swinging a Hamler.

25:24 Drew Swinging a Hamler and you were a boxing instructor.

25:27 Adam Yes.

25:28 Drew And you heard on the morning show here in Los Angeles that there was going to be a boxing match.

25:32 Adam Yes.

25:32 Drew Between Jimmy Kimmel, who is at that point the sports guy on the morning show.

25:36 Adam Yes.

25:37 Drew And Michael, the maintenance man.

25:39 Adam Yeah.

25:40 Drew Yeah. So Michelle's going, oh my God.

25:42 Adam And it goes, it goes.

25:44 Drew This is now 12, 13 years ago.

25:47 Adam Well, it manages, it's deep and it's weird because I was, yes, I was teaching a boxing class in Pasadena, I think, like a 630 to 730 class in the morning. Yeah. Which now seems late.

26:03 Drew What's about to happen to you.

26:04 Adam Yeah. But it was ridiculously early at the time. And I would teach this hour long class and then I would get my truck and I would go do some construction work for myself. And that was my day. But I was dying to get into radio. I wasn't even dying to get into radio. I was trying to find out about radio. I just, I'd been hearing it. I'd been loving it. It had been my best friend. It had been my tutor, my companion. Yes, my lover. It had been everything for so many years. And I was always so drawn to it and never had a clue about it. Never knew anyone. Always listened to Drew. Always listened to Loveline. K-Rock. Kevin and Bean. Loved Jimmy on Kevin and Bean. Although Jimmy was nobody back then. And the thing that people don't realize when you look back historically, you go, well, sure, Jimmy was nobody. But somehow you knew he was somebody. No, no, he was nobody. You don't know people are, you know, first time I met Jimmy pulled up in it in a gold and rust RX-7 that was about 14 years old, was dragging the muffler. And my first impression is like, this is radio. My truck's nicer in this guy's piece of ass. And he just moved out from Tucson. He'd only been on the radio out here in K-Rock for a couple of weeks, maybe a month.

27:18 Drew Really? When that happened?

27:19 Adam Yes.

27:19 Drew Oh, my goodness.

27:20 Adam So I'm driving. So I finished teaching my boxing class. I get in my truck and I'm going over the hill. I'm going over Laurel Canyon to go on to the west side to deliver an entertainment unit I'd built for a woman named Marjorie Gross, who's now deceased and who died just eight months to a year later. You know this story, I think, Drew.

27:43 Drew The name sounds familiar.

27:44 Adam She was a writer for Seinfeld.

27:45 Drew Yeah.

27:45 Adam And she was 40, early 40s, whatever. And she just bought a house on the west side and she died of cancer, tragically. Just a few months later. I didn't know she had cancer at the time. And I remember being very envious of her because she bought a nice house. She had a nice car. She was writing for Seinfeld. Oh, my God. You're living my dream. This is awesome. You know, and I wasn't thinking at the time about stardom or radio or national this or that. I was just thinking, man, this woman's making a living in the industry doing comedy. This is amazing. So I was driving over the hill and I was listening to Star But Seacrest went into a break and I switched it. I switched. I remember switching it over to K-Rock. And there was Kevin and Bean and Jimmy was doing his sports. And again, the ploy was Jimmy was calling in from home. That was the initial thing. And everyone seemed to hate him. And they always joked that he wasn't going to last. And I was just as naive as anyone. It was just sort of buying into it and figured he was calling from home and his mom. He was at his mom's house and all that. And all of a sudden, we all owe thanks to Bobby McFerrin for breaking his leg on the ski slopes. Because Jimmy said, as part of his newscast at Bobby McFerrin, don't worry.

29:02 Drew Yeah, be happy.

29:03 Adam Be happy, guy. He broke his leg skiing and he said, what's a brother doing skiing? And Michael the maintenance man, who you might be able to guess is not a chew, but black, came, whenever you're a maintenance man.

29:16 Drew Whatever.

29:16 Adam I'm just saying, don't think chew. Came in here and he's like, what you talking about, Willis? And they get into an argument. And he's like, oh, come on, black guys don't ski. And next thing you know, the next thing you know, fight breaks out. I mean, not a fist fight, but okay, you guys want to go at it, you go at it. And Kevin and Bean, just like any good morning radio show, leaned into the mics and said, oh, that's it. We need, we need boxers. We need trainers. We need equipment. We need a venue. If anyone's listening is a trainer. And I was just driving over Laurel Canyon, bringing this bring this entertainment unit to a woman who's been dead now for 12 years. Weird, right?

29:51 Drew Yeah.

29:51 Adam In envying her life. And I thought, oh, I got to call in. So I called in.

29:57 Drew No answer.

29:57 Adam Well, Frank Murphy was a good old Speedy Frank. Super cheap and Speedy Frank Murphy was producing the morning show at the time. He never called me back. And I just kept calling and I kept calling and he never called me back. And here's where the message part comes, Kitty. I should say, Kitty.

30:15 Drew Pick up the phone.

30:17 Adam Well, no, I headed down in person.

30:19 Drew Perseverance.

30:20 Adam I couldn't I couldn't take it anymore because I would keep calling and leaving these messages. Hey, I'm a trainer. Hey, give me a call. Legitimate. I'll train either guy. And then I would hear him on the radio go, we need trainers. And guys would call in and get on the air. Oh, I'll train those. And I was going out of my gourd. I actually cut my class short, got a guy to cover for me a few days later and went down there. Kurt Cobain died that same period, day, afternoon, weekend, whatever it was. And the station was just a buzz because it was just spinning because Kurt Cobain had died. I got lost in the whitewater somehow. And I went down in person and UPS guy, whoever was over there, like the Culligan man or something, somehow just let me upstairs. But I couldn't get into the building. I couldn't get into the studio because it was like 6 in the morning, 6.30 in business hours. You know, they open the doors at night. I just waited there until the Culligan guy went in. And I said, I didn't say send Jimmy out. I said, if you go in there, tell him there's a boxing trainer that's just waiting out by the elevators. And he's not a weirdo. He wants to train whoever's in there. And 10 minutes later, Jimmy came out. And I didn't know what he looked like or anything. And it could have been Michael. But Michael was out on assignment or something. And Jimmy just came out and said, yeah, you want to train? Let's start tomorrow. And I said, all right, see you. And that was it. And the love affair began.

31:40 Drew Well, and then I heard him, the bircham got going and then he gave him a Saturday morning shift.

31:45 Adam Right. And the thing that was funny with Jimmy is Jimmy said, I said, Jimmy, I gotta get on the radio or I gotta find out about the radio. I'm interested. What could I do? Could I drive the van? Could I answer the phones? What could I do? I'm 30, by the way, at this point. I'm not 17, still in high school.

32:03 Drew Things are not going so good.

32:04 Adam Not going so good. I'm 30, 30, 30. And I'm trying to drive the van for six bucks an hour. And Jimmy said two things. One is interesting. He said, don't drive the van because once you drive the van, you'll always be the van driver. Which sounded like a pretty good title to me. I was like, okay, I understand that part. But Jimmy's like, what do you do? What do you do? And I said, I hang around and shoot the poop. That's my thing, man. I take phone calls back and forth, just hang out, jabbing, sparring, just talking. Same crap we're doing now. And he's like, you can't do that. I said, why not? Kevin and Bean do that. You want to get on the air, you got to come up with a character. So I came up with Mr. Burcham. I phoned it in and the rest is history. Drew heard Mr. Burcham. Drew fell in love with Mr. Burcham.

32:52 Drew I used to time my nursing home around so I'd be in the car during his break so I could hear the stuff. So mostly I'm talking to the younger women in the crew.

33:01 Adam Yeah.

33:03 Drew And then what happened? Oh yeah, yeah. And then we had you up as a guest. I think you came up as Burcham.

33:10 Adam I was actually a guest on this show as my character.

33:14 Drew Yeah, and nothing came of that. And lo and behold, a couple of producers showed up, went to a television show.

33:20 Adam Yeah.

33:21 Drew And Ricky kind of passed on it for various reasons.

33:23 Adam Ricky Rachman was the host for this show for about three or four years before I got here.

33:29 Drew Right. And he was the second longer term host.

33:32 Adam Right.

33:33 Drew And they, you know, Ricky had a pass and they said, well, who do you want to do this? Who's the other guy going to be? I was like, I have no, no one's ever asked me that question before. But they're asking me now and I still have no idea.

33:45 Adam Right.

33:46 Drew But I'm just saying.

33:48 Adam Go.

33:48 Drew All right. So we, I went out running one day. I could tell I could show you the spot I was running. And you popped into my head.

33:56 Adam I've seen the plaque touching of granite.

34:02 Drew I bet that guy could do it. So I called some people and they went, you know, that name had come up. A couple of people mentioned this. We'll see about it. Just just hang tight. Then they arranged a screen test for us. Yes. A part to this story, too.

34:13 Adam Yes, there is. There's a part. That's the whole thing. We could probably do two hours on just how Drew and I got connected and all the weird circumstances and in coinkydinks.

34:25 Drew For instance, he was when he was called to do the screen test, he was covering the MTV Music Awards in New York with Kevin and Bean.

34:31 Adam I was with Jimmy and Kevin and Bean in New York and I didn't want to come back.

34:35 Drew Wouldn't do it.

34:37 Adam And then we ended up, of course, later on on MTV and the show originally wasn't supposed to be on MTV and all that. So that's that's that's the story. There's more, but go on the internet and find out about it.

34:48 Hi, Drew.

34:50 Adam This is an interesting one. Somebody wants my cranberry recipe. I do feel passionate about that. And this is one of the things.

34:56 Drew This is made and cry, by the way. To see you here with your cranberry recipe made frontiers to enzymes.

35:01 Adam One of the legacies I hope to pass on after I'm gone from this show is the cranberry recipe. Here's the thing, do not open a can of cranberries. Thanksgiving is coming around. Here's the preamble to this. Thanksgiving comes around. Somebody spends nine hours in the kitchen with the turkey and the stuffing and the mashed potatoes and the sweet potatoes and all that stuff. And then at the end of their marathon cooking session, they reach for the can opener like dogs, like common dogs, open it and dump 59 cents of cranberry relish on a cold dark plate. Yes.

35:40 Drew It's cranberry.

35:41 Adam It's congealed. Congealed.

35:42 Drew It just gives the shape of the can, those ridges right there.

35:45 Adam Congealed the cranberry and then they cut out and you can see the cancerations carved in it, even the little Del Monte stamp. Or if you're a Corolla scotch buy stamp, stuck right into the thing with an expiration date. Now, here is the recipe. Krista?

36:02 Yes?

36:03 Adam Here's how it goes, baby doll.

36:05 Caller Okay.

36:06 Adam Go out and get yourself a couple of sacks of loose cranberries. And you know, I realize city kids have never even seen a cranberry. You know what I mean? They don't know what they look like in the loose form.

36:17 Drew I think everyone's heard of that now.

36:19 Adam They come in a sack a little bit, the size of a bean bag or a large bean bag or something. This is a sack, like a one pound sack. And the beans are loose and the beans, the cranberries I should say are just the size of grapes. And you take them and you wash them off and you just dump them into a pot, just a sauce pot.

36:39 Drew Then how much water?

36:41 Adam Put in one cup of water and they say one cup of sugar, but you can always add a little sugar.

36:47 I like to go a little lighter.

36:48 Drew Oh, lighter.

36:48 Adam No, I like to start light because I like it tart.

36:51 Drew So half cup.

36:52 Adam Yeah.

36:52 Drew Half cup.

36:53 Adam I'll go half cup.

36:53 Drew Little orange peel? Little orange peel?

36:56 Adam A little zest of lemon if I'm feeling adventurous. Walnut, let's not get crazy.

37:00 Drew Is it one cup of water per one cup of cranberry?

37:04 Adam Oh, man. Yeah, I think that is. I think that is. Here's so here's how you do it. One sack of. Yes, Drew, thanks for that clarification. One sack of cranberries in a pot, one cup of water in a pot and one cup of sugar in a pot. Put a lid on it. Put a flame on it. Eight minutes later. Warm, fresh cranberry sauce. That's it.

37:22 Drew Is there?

37:22 Adam That's it. But I would go a little less sugar and then add a little bit.

37:24 Drew Is there a universal bag size of cranberries because you're assuming it's bag per cup?

37:29 Adam Yeah, there is a universal bag size. You're not talking about a pillow case.

37:33 Drew Not a pillow case, not some sort of burlap bag full of cranberries.

37:36 Adam It's colostomy bag size. That's how they mold it. 16 ounce colostomy. What is the capacity of a colostomy bag, by the way?

37:42 Drew Two cups. Okay.

37:44 Adam It is the size of a colostomy bag and they always make it's burlap.

37:46 Drew It's actually a quart.

37:48 Adam Okay, come on, don't get weird. I don't know, who's Ocean Spray or something that makes these things? And they're all the same. You see them at the stores. They're all that size. One of those. Nobody ever buys them. I buy them. And let's do it. Christy, you gonna make it fresh this year?

38:02 Yes, I will.

38:04 Adam If you people, after I'm gone, could just make the fresh cranberries and substitute the pie for the cake.

38:11 Drew Done. You'll change the world.

38:13 Adam I would float out of here on 10 inches of fart. Do you hear me?

38:18 Drew That's it. And for you, that would be euphoria.

38:20 Adam A velvety pillow of fart. I would be carried out of here in a velvety pillow of fart.

38:24 Drew Could it be better?

38:25 Adam No, it could not. All right, we will take ourselves a little break. This is the farewell show, obviously, but it is not a funeral. I will be back doing some morning radio coming up soon. Drew will be here on Sunday and Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday, ow. And the show is not going away. That's the point. And I don't know that it's gonna be better or worse. It will be different. All right. Drew and I are getting some weird hits on our headphones. But I really urge all of you who are fans of the show, who dig the message of the show, dig Drew, dig me. Please dig the next guy comes in here. It's important. It really is. I don't want to take people with me. And I don't want to get into this thing where the first ten calls, whoever comes in here next gets is you suck things. That's not what this show is about. And it never was. All right. All right. Of course you agree. You're going to be sitting here hearing. Where's Adam, man?

39:27 Caller You suck.

39:29 Drew I may hear that, but you're very kind for discouraging it anyway.

39:32 Adam No, you're going to hear it because that's the first call I'm going to make on Sunday, 10-01. Take a quick break. Be right back after this.

39:40 Thank you for calling Loveline. Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting. Loveline is brought to you by Ten Thousand Fists, the new album from Disturbed.

40:02 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Last show as the co-host of Loveline, and I will miss you all very, very much. I really will. I know I'm a little rough around the edges and was a little tough, but tough love. You know what I mean? I really do care about all of you. I really am touched by the things people have been writing on the internet, and it really means the world to me. And all the support and the love is amazing. And again, it's not the end. It's a transition, and transitions are tough, but when you get down the road from them, they're usually always good.

40:47 Drew Speaking of transitions and love and support, on Line 8, just bring up Line 8 there real quick. Somebody's calling from the other side of the globe to wish you well.

40:55 Adam Yeah. Jeff Probst?

40:57 Guest What's going on, Corolla?

40:59 Adam I did my survivor dance tonight, my friend.

41:03 Drew Where are you, Jeff? What can you say?

41:06 Guest We're actually shooting the next survivor, so we're on an undisclosed location.

41:13 Drew What hemisphere?

41:15 Guest This one, ours.

41:16 Drew Okay.

41:17 Adam Wow.

41:17 Drew Interesting.

41:18 Adam What time is it where you are? Can you give us that? Because I could pinpoint it.

41:22 Guest A few hours later.

41:24 Drew Lock him in.

41:25 Adam A few hours later. Got to be toward Hawaii, right?

41:28 Drew I wonder if this is going to go cold this time. They're probably in the North Pole somewhere.

41:32 Guest I'm sitting here and it's weird to be sitting and listening to the show on the phone because it's almost the same as turning it on at night when I go to bed, but I'm sure a lot of people have been saying this. It's going to be strange to hear. I'm sure for you too, Drew, it's going to be a brand new thing. But not going to be the same, not saying it can't keep going on, but certainly not going to be the same.

41:59 Adam Well, thank you, Jeff. I've said that many times about your show as well. And you're always very modest saying it would continue without you, but sure, it would still be a great show. Just not the same. And you know what I'm saying? Maybe you don't want the same, though. I mean, maybe that's the thing in life. You know, maybe 10 years of the same is enough.

42:18 But you and I like to shift gears.

42:20 Drew You and I kind of like change.

42:21 Caller Yeah, we do like change.

42:22 Drew But it still sucks when it comes.

42:24 Adam Yeah. What are you saying, Jeff?

42:26 Guest Sorry. It's pretty true, though. Transition is usually good. It's just hard to leave. I actually respect the fact that you're taking the leap and trying some new things.

42:39 Drew You don't know how much money has been offered. So hold on, Jeff. Relax here.

42:43 Guest What?

42:45 Adam No, I appreciate it. What did I say? He used to laugh at you because you were respecting me for making the leap in the morning radio. And Drew said I was just chasing the almighty dollar. How dare you attack me on my final night?

42:58 Drew No, I didn't say you were just chasing. I just said that if Jeff understood what was offered, he wouldn't look like such a leap of faith.

43:06 Adam Well, Jeff, I've done this show. It's been my privilege to do this show for 10 years. And as I've said, and I know it sounds like I'm just blowing smoke up my own took eye here, but I have not had to do this show financially for nine of the 10 years that I've done it. And I've wanted to do the show. And I appreciate the show and I respect the show. And I didn't I wasn't going to leave until I had to. And I was able to do many other projects that took time away, but still carved out time to do this show. And now it's just going to be mathematically impossible. So unfortunately, I have to bid the show adieu. Jeff, when is the new when when are these new new ones going to run, by the way? We're going to plug in for your show. Is this is this in six months or a year?

43:54 Guest Yeah, February.

43:55 Adam Yeah.

43:56 Guest So I think it's a good start. It's it's we've just kind of gotten started, but we're we're having fun out here.

44:02 Adam The the new season or midway into the new season is awesome. I watched it an hour ago. I swear to you, I did my stupid survivor dance.

44:12 Drew I have no doubt.

44:13 Adam And I watched it tonight. It is awesome. Farm boy got kicked off tonight.

44:18 Dude, what are you doing, man? You're killing me.

44:21 Adam All right.

44:22 Anderson, I had a T-vote and I'm very upset now.

44:24 Adam Oh, Anderson's mad because he had a T-vote. You know, the farm boy kicked off that.

44:28 Caller Yeah, that's some good stuff.

44:29 Guest This is a heated group. It continues to get heated throughout the throughout the season. Hey, I also wanted to say, though, and and and you're you know, you're you're a good man to let this be a night about Adam. But I did get to see the TLC show before I left the Adam Corolla Project. And that is a funny show. It's really well done. And I've got it. I've got it. T-vote on the season pass. Speaking of T-votes that I can catch it up when I when I get home. But I think it's really, really fun.

45:01 Adam Well, thanks, Jeff. I appreciate it. And proud of that show. And you guys can check that out on TLC. And here's the thing. Again, I know it sounds like I'm just plugging my own crap. But if you feel like you want to keep in touch, watch that TLC show. You'll see me at home. You'll see me away. You'll see me with all my guys.

45:18 Drew You'll wreck them full.

45:20 Adam Yes, you'll get a big heaping helping of the Ace Man. Maybe more than you wanted. Thanks for calling in, Jeff. I really do appreciate it.

45:28 Guest Good luck. I'll be back. Can't wait to hear it on hear you on the new gig. And Drew, best of luck with you. I'll be checking out the new show.

45:35 Drew Thanks, everyone.

45:37 Adam Jeff Probst, Survivor. Favorite show. It's the only show I have a dance for. Oh, we, oh, we, oh, we, oh, we, ah.

45:46 Drew Let's see it for the cameras.

45:49 Adam Hey, oh, I need to. I added a new move to my dance repertoire, too. It's the karaoke move, not karaoke singing, but the old Pop Warner drill. Do you remember the karaoke? Oh, here you go. Now, let me show you. Ready? Watch.

46:05 Caller This, this, this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

46:07 Adam Watch. I'm gonna do it for you, right?

46:08 Drew Yeah, yeah. Here goes. Stepping up. Come on, here you go. Oh, here you go.

46:12 Adam I'm gonna take my cancer. That'll be funny. It's like, what happened to Corolla? He died last night doing Loveline. What happened? He was demonstrating the karaoke move for Drew and he hit his head on the side of the console. All right, hold on. You ready?

46:25 Drew All right. Give it. All right.

46:28 Adam Do it like this and watch the feet.

46:30 Drew Oh, oh. Just totally impressed.

46:32 Adam It's backward, it's back and forward. Yeah. Backward, forward, backward.

46:35 Drew Does your wife just retch when you do that? She like pull the shades, make sure no one sees it?

46:40 Adam No. No, she loves it. She ears like a monkey. She loves it. She likes when I perform like an animal. Cause trained bear.

46:47 Drew Well, it's actually, she's almost like when you actually seem to have a pulse.

46:51 Adam Yeah, it's the only time I have a pulse. But as anyone knows, the only time I feel truly alive is when I'm dancing. That's the only time I know I'm alive.

46:59 Drew I've always thought that about you.

47:00 Adam All right. Should we take a Loveline related call?

47:03 Drew Yeah. All right.

47:04 Adam Let's see. Who do you want to talk to? Sex friend can't stay? Caroline?

47:10 Caller Yes.

47:11 Adam You're 22?

47:13 Caller Yes.

47:13 Adam What's up?

47:16 Caller Basically, this guy kind of dated for a while, but decided that things should be better. We were just fuck buddies, but.

47:24 Drew Oh, good.

47:25 Adam Now that I leave, I just want you to like, caller, what's your name? Ass. And how old are you? FF. What's?

47:34 Drew Fing F.

47:35 Adam What's your question? I'm dating this F and he's trying to F me in the ass. And then he went, you know, eventually we'd like to get married and have Fs and Ss. That's all I want. And now that I'm gone, just do MF, just everything. Just nothing but.

47:57 Drew Just break it up.

47:58 Adam I'm fine. Hey, is Dicky Barrett on the line?

48:00 Drew He sure is.

48:01 Adam Oh, my dear, dear, lost tone buddy, Dicky Barrett. Dicky?

48:05 Caller How are you, Adam?

48:07 Adam Oh, great, Dicky. How are you doing?

48:08 Caller I just want to wish you the very, very best. I'm going to do a little homage to you tomorrow on my show, and a little tribute to you. You're a really big part of Southern California Radio, and you'll continue to be so.

48:21 Adam Oh, thanks, Dicky.

48:23 Drew A little walk down every lane. Remember when the three of us were in Boston in the middle of the night?

48:28 Caller That's right. WSX.

48:30 Drew Yeah.

48:31 Guest How are you, Drew?

48:32 Drew Dicky, great.

48:34 Caller Are you choked up or emotional?

48:36 Drew Yeah, we've been preparing for this for a long time, you know what I mean? It's like a chronic sadness about this. Actually, the first time I really got choked up.

48:46 Caller I've known about it and I'm ready. But it just kind of hit me.

48:50 Drew It gets you. Yeah, when you think about it, it gets surreal. When you think about it.

48:56 Caller Honestly, I do radio in LA and my introduction to it here has been Adam and you guys inviting me on the show. So I feel like I owe you guys a ton. Well, thank you.

49:08 Adam Oh, no, thank you. Dickie's always been a great guest and a great friend and a very organic, natural friend. I mean, I met Dickie. He was a Boston, as I've said. But this is how you know Dickie's the real deal. I was nobody. He was the Boston man. He was a rock star. He still is a rock star.

49:31 Drew No, yeah, yeah. I mean, at that moment.

49:33 Adam No, no, he's a rock star.

49:34 Caller He's the only one at the time, but go ahead.

49:36 Adam No, I'm saying he's a rock star that makes 30 grand a year doing morning local radio. That's all I'm saying. But still a rock star in my eyes. Point is, he's Dickie Barrett. He's a rock star. This is 10 years ago. We're at the K-Rock Acoustic Christmas. No, we're at the Weenie Roast. I come stumbling on to the boss, the Boss Tones tour bus, and Dickie just invites me right in, doesn't recognize me, shouldn't recognize me. Nobody recognizes me.

50:03 Caller He didn't look like a freak, and we said, that guy looks cool. Hey, can you drink with us?

50:07 Adam And I came in and cracked a few beers, and then a year later I was hosting this show, and he was there, and we've been in love ever since, and now I see him at Kimmel's every Sunday. He's cheering on the fans.

50:18 Caller What do you want to hear tomorrow? Do you want to hear Belly of the Whale or Gene McDaniels? What do you want to hear?

50:23 Adam It's for you. I would like to hear, yeah. I'd like to hear Gene McDaniels. Which one?

50:29 Drew He wants to hear the Edmund Fitzgerald.

50:31 Adam Tower of Strength, yeah. And then go ahead and play the Edmund Fitzgerald, too.

50:35 Caller Gordon Lightfoot?

50:36 Adam Yes, Lightfoot. Finally, some Lightfoot on alternative radio.

50:40 Caller Lightfoot in the AM, an homage, a tribute to my pal Adam.

50:45 Adam Thanks, Dicky. Thanks for calling in. And I would miss Dicky, but I'll see him. I'll see him Sunday or see him every time I do Kimmel's. I see him all the time, but salt of the earth. Dicky Barrett. Thanks for calling in tonight. All right, Drew, we will.

50:59 Drew One quick one here.

51:00 Adam Myra. Myra, you're 24.

51:03 Caller What's up?

51:04 Caller I just wanted to say thanks for everything. Thank you. I've been actually a fan since Poor Man was on. I was like 11 years old when I first started hearing.

51:13 Adam Wow.

51:15 Caller Yes, I remember Poor Man with the fire truck and the sushi bars and all that. If you remember, Dr. Drew.

51:20 Drew I shall never forget. Seared into my soul.

51:23 Caller I actually stopped listening with Ricky Rachman for, I don't know if you can cut it for me, but.

51:28 Adam Ricky's just driven his jet off the freeway.

51:31 Caller Well, you know.

51:32 Adam Go ahead. Come on.

51:33 Caller But it was actually funny that I remember when Adam came on and I was like, Hey, isn't that Mr. Burcham?

51:40 Adam Yeah.

51:41 Caller It was weird, but I just have to thank you. I'm like, I work at night. I actually like listen to you guys going home. So, yeah.

51:50 Adam All right. Thanks. The call said Myra wants to call and kiss Adam's ass. She basically gave us a little lineage of Loveline. I liked Poor Man a lot. Hey, remember when Poor Man used to do that funny thing? We'd go do those in-store things. That was awesome.

52:04 Drew Like, like, yeah.

52:05 Adam Awesome. Anyway, I didn't listen to I didn't listen to Ricky. But then I heard Adam once when I was driving home. Anyway.

52:12 Drew But like, yeah.

52:13 Adam Come on, babe. I can't take anymore. My head's gonna explode.

52:17 Caller All right.

52:18 Guest Myra.

52:19 Adam Oh, that wasn't Myra. Sorry.

52:21 Guest Myra.

52:22 Caller Hello.

52:23 Adam I think I know what you're trying to say.

52:25 Caller Just thank you. And rock and have a good time in the morning. And thank you. Say the whole baby doll.

52:31 Caller Because I used to think I was so beautiful.

52:32 Caller Right. When you call out to other girls and you're like, hey, baby doll, what's your question?

52:37 Adam All right, baby doll. Thanks for the compliment. I'll not forget the baby doll. True, write down baby doll.

52:44 Drew You won't forget it. You're ageable. I forget it.

52:47 Adam We've got to take a break. I started, I was thinking about people to thank. Drew, stop moving. Would you please? I was thinking about people to thank. And I sort of broke it up into the Loveline list and then the K-Rock list and the whatever list. But one of the groups I want to thank, and maybe you should thank them as well, is all the program directors on all the affiliates we're on.

53:08 Drew Oh, absolutely.

53:08 Adam And one thing I'm proud of is when I started this show, I think we had one or two. I think it was on one. I think it was just on K-Rock or two.

53:17 Drew I think we had San Diego and San Francisco. Oh, do we have San Francisco?

53:22 Adam I think one of them came on the next day or something. I think technically.

53:26 Drew And the reason I remember that is because I went to San Francisco that weekend, or like five days after you started, and did a broadcast with the, I think we were about to start on KOEM, you're right, it's like the next week. And I did a broadcast with the Evening Dish Jockey there, Carson Daly.

53:42 Adam Really?

53:43 Drew Yes.

53:43 Adam What happened to that guy?

53:44 Drew I don't know. He was brand new and spanking clean and excited.

53:51 Adam Oh yeah. Now he's jaded and sexed out. F'd out. Carson Goodguy saw him at Jimmy's last week too. Jimmy discovered Carson Daly as well.

54:02 Drew In Arizona?

54:02 Adam He discovered me, discovered Carson Daly and himself. I think he should include himself on his discovery list.

54:08 Drew Andy Melanakis.

54:09 Adam Andy Melanakis. My God. Star maker. All right. Here's what I want to say though. We started out with two on two stations, one affiliate essentially, and we worked our way up to 85 or 90. You want to know one of the things I love most about this job, I never hear any crap from any of the program directors or general managers from any of these affiliates.

54:31 Drew Oh boy, the rest of us do though.

54:31 Adam I'm sure you do, but I don't. And God bless you for not complaining.

54:35 Drew Yeah, they, I don't, they're not complaining, they're always very supportive.

54:38 Adam And asleep, but God bless everybody who's been involved with this show, who was able just to step aside and let us do our thing. Sometimes for better, once in a while for worse, but mostly always for better. Not to meddle, not to get in and do the things that you see so much of in other venues, whether it's television or morning radio or drive time radio or movies, whatever it is, there's always some guy in a suit with a bad idea who's going to come in here and F up whatever chemistry, dynamic, whatever direction, whatever vibe you have. Somebody is going to shove a pool cue into your spokes and send you over the handlebars of your show. Nobody ever did that with this show. They tried a couple of times, had a couple of meetings, but in general, that all ended about seven years ago. And nobody has monkeied with the show and God bless you. I mean it. Everyone wants to thank people that went and physically did something. How about the people that just said, you know what, I'll pay for it. I'll step aside. I'll let them do their thing. I really want to thank all the programmers and all the general managers and all the people and all the fans and all the folks and all the affiliates who we never get a chance to really see, meet or touch. I want to thank all you people for always supporting this show and being so generous and kind whenever we came out to do a broadcast from wherever because we were doing Dawson's Creek in North Carolina for seven horrible days. You know, they were always awesome. And every guy from the engineer to the late night guy to the janitor to the program director was always great and generous with us. So I want to thank all of you. All right, we'll take a quick break and we'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Thanks for tuning in on the Farewell Show. Couple of thoughts.

57:02 Drew I'm getting kind of scared.

57:03 Adam Why?

57:04 Drew Because we're halfway through the Farewell Show. I'm like in denial, you know what I mean?

57:07 Adam I know, and it flew by, too.

57:09 Drew I know, I don't like that. This is weird. I feel like I'm a sick person. I'm like, I've been in like...

57:15 Adam I know, and the only way Drew can cope when he's really feeling this kind of sorrow is to eat all my god damn Godiva chocolate.

57:24 Drew Yeah, he busted it.

57:25 Adam I got some parting gifts here. One of them's 80 bucks worth of chocolate. Drew ripped right into it like a raccoon going through a dumpster, brought it right into the bathroom and gobbled it all up.

57:35 Drew Don't think about it. Don't talk about it anymore.

57:39 Adam I'm not hella wheeze, but even I know you're not supposed to bust into another guy's food gift and start chowing down in the bathroom with it. How dare you? This is a slap in the face.

57:49 Drew John.

57:50 Adam Yeah, John, the great John from System of a Down.

57:55 Drew Everybody, where is Portugal?

57:57 Adam Really?

57:58 Caller Yeah. Wow. Six in the morning over here. I want you to know.

58:02 Drew And he insisted that we get him on the phone.

58:05 Adam What are you doing in Portugal?

58:07 Caller First of all, I've been on hold for 20 minutes.

58:11 Adam Six minutes, but you know he's a big star because it feels like 20.

58:15 Caller It's been 20, man. Trust me.

58:17 Adam All right.

58:18 Caller I'm dying over here at six in the morning.

58:20 Adam Sorry, buddy.

58:22 Caller But of course, I have to be a part of your last hurrah here.

58:26 Adam Thanks, John.

58:28 Caller No, we're going to miss you over here.

58:30 Adam I do appreciate that. And System of a Down has always been. Well, we feel like we discovered System of a Down in a certain way because they were playing a concert. God, what was it now? Six, seven, eight years ago?

58:45 Caller It was at a Best Buy.

58:47 Drew At a parking lot in Pasadena.

58:49 Adam Yeah, Best Buy parking lot. Do you know what year that was, John?

58:55 Caller I have no idea.

58:56 Adam Yeah, 6 a.m. Yeah. John and then System of a Down came in here and we discovered our mutual love for Armenian food, not Armenian service, but Armenian food. And and then and then we really bonded.

59:10 Caller I'm sorry.

59:10 Adam Yeah, go ahead.

59:11 Caller Zankou on Burbank.

59:13 Adam Yeah.

59:14 Caller OK.

59:15 Caller And I asked for all white meat chicken sandwich.

59:19 Caller And then they looked at me like I just came off of Mars.

59:23 Adam Yeah.

59:23 Caller Cannot have.

59:24 Adam Cannot have. Hey, Anderson, play.

59:26 Caller Listen, I'll pay you what I need.

59:27 Caller No, I look all right.

59:29 Caller Just make me a white meat sandwich, you know.

59:31 Adam Oh, slam in the face.

59:33 Caller And they were like, we don't have white meat chicken.

59:35 Caller Yeah.

59:36 Adam I know.

59:36 Caller You have chicken, they have white meat.

59:38 Caller Make me a white meat sandwich.

59:40 Adam No, they love no.

59:42 Caller Yeah, here it is.

59:45 Adam It's good based.

59:45 Caller You know what I did, I ordered three sandwiches.

59:47 Adam Cannot have. Cannot have. No, cannot have.

59:51 No, no, no, cannot have.

59:54 Caller No, no mixing. No, cannot have.

59:56 Adam Read manual.

59:57 Caller No, no, get fired. No.

1:00:00 Adam Yeah.

1:00:02 Caller I'm kind of sad, man. This is the last time the three of us are going to be on the air again.

1:00:06 Adam Well, I know.

1:00:07 Drew Let's make a pact that we'll do it again sometime.

1:00:09 Guest Well, we'll go out.

1:00:11 Adam We'll go out to eat.

1:00:12 Drew But it's on the air. And we'll have a new restaurant show. We'll have a reality show. But the three of us go out and eat restaurant food.

1:00:19 Adam Yes. And John and I really bonded, by the way, over our love of the Taboos porn series.

1:00:28 Adam Oh, awesome.

1:00:28 Drew I'll remind you that John ran home. And you followed him.

1:00:32 Adam I drove out to John's house to get Taboos too. All right, John, we got to take a break. Thanks very much for calling all the way from Spain.

1:00:39 Drew Portugal, yeah.

1:00:40 Adam Portugal. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:00:45 Caller Alright, guys, here's the deal.

1:00:47 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:00:50 Drew One call is all you need to make.

1:00:52 Caller Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE.

1:00:55 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:01:19 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Love Line. I'm Adam Nance, Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Well, it's The Farewell Show, the swan song. Anderson, I don't know if you have anything in the hopper, any favorite moments or best of beats or any of that kind of stuff, but if you don't, would you yank a few just to have at the ready?

1:01:43 You know what I did? 118 months ago tonight, I pulled a call, and I'll play that sometime later. We don't have your first night on, unfortunately, they put them in a warehouse somewhere before 96, probably next to your cars.

1:01:59 Adam Yeah.

1:02:00 Drew What do you mean 118 months ago you pulled a call? What does that mean?

1:02:03 I pulled a call from a show 118 months ago tonight. It's January 3rd, 1996.

1:02:08 Adam Man, we'll play it.

1:02:09 Caller It's a beat-off call. You want to hear it? Here we go.

1:02:11 Drew Sure.

1:02:12 Caller I cut out most of Ricky for you.

1:02:15 Drew And Sean, your question.

1:02:16 Caller Okay. First of all, hi, Dr. Drew, Adam Corolla, and Ricky.

1:02:21 Caller Hi, Sean.

1:02:22 Adam Hi.

1:02:22 Caller Hi.

1:02:22 Drew Hi, Ricky.

1:02:23 Caller I want to know, I masturbate a lot. I mean a lot like three or four times a day.

1:02:27 Caller Sean's a boy.

1:02:29 Caller How old are you?

1:02:30 Caller 13.

1:02:32 Caller Okay.

1:02:33 Caller Okay. And I want to know, can that like do anything, cause any problems, stuff like that?

1:02:37 Adam Oh, we get this call every night. The situation is this. It's not going to hurt you physically.

1:03:13 Caller Once more, I'd just like to speak.

1:03:14 Drew You spoke so blithely about physical abuse.

1:03:18 Adam Most of the day, most of your waking hours. Sean, you're doubling down now that you're on vacation?

1:03:24 Caller Actually, today I got off.

1:03:26 Adam We already established that.

1:03:28 Drew And Sean, you can hurt the skin. You can irritate the skin if you do things too much.

1:03:33 Caller There's also some weird bumps around the bottom. They're real small. I don't think they're any...

1:03:37 Drew Those are probably normal. Those are probably the pearly penile papules that tend to develop. And Sean, there's actually a study that just came out in England this week that suggested that people that have very active sex life live longer, feel better longer, these sorts of things.

1:03:49 Caller Another study came out that guys from New York have more sperm than guys from Los Angeles. Hey, I saw it on TV, Drew. It's true.

1:03:55 Adam Well, it's cold. Is masturbating part of a healthy sex life? What are we doing with this call?

1:04:01 Caller You are a healthy man, Adam.

1:04:03 Drew You know, there are some cultures that...

1:04:04 Caller I just wanted to show you. It's almost over. My idea was to get your first call or first show, but we don't have that, like I said.

1:04:12 Adam Oh, okay.

1:04:13 Drew It's just an example of what we were like 10 years ago.

1:04:16 Adam All right.

1:04:19 Caller You ready to go? Sorry, buddy.

1:04:21 Adam That's all right. That's fine. Dag?

1:04:26 Caller Yeah.

1:04:27 Adam David Alan Greer? He's crying.

1:04:28 Caller Yeah, man.

1:04:29 Caller What's up, man?

1:04:30 Adam Are you okay, buddy?

1:04:31 Caller No, I have a lot of problems today. Hey, Dr. Drew, how are you doing?

1:04:36 Drew You sound kind of sad, buddy.

1:04:37 Adam What's going on?

1:04:38 Caller Well, you know, my buddy Adam, he going away and stuff, man. Why are you doing that?

1:04:43 Caller Adam, why are you leaving it, man?

1:04:45 Adam Well, Dag, you know, first off, I'm always just a phone call away for you, you know?

1:04:51 Caller Yeah, I know.

1:04:52 Caller It's not going to be the same, man. You know, remember the wallop from we had?

1:04:58 Adam I know, David, I know you're always a great guest on the show. We had a great time.

1:05:03 Caller It's pretty emotional, man.

1:05:06 Drew David, let's let's let's just let's get a let's get a little more of a positive upbeat attitude. Let's let's have some fun together. I got a couple of things to say to you.

1:05:16 Adam David, wow.

1:05:17 Caller You were talking about your butt or something. I was like, remember?

1:05:22 Adam Yeah, that was funny stuff, David. It was awesome stuff. And you know what? Just because I'm leaving the show.

1:05:29 Caller Remember Adam? Yeah. He cured me and I went on to have a whole bunch of more bad relationships.

1:05:36 Adam Yeah, sorry. Yeah, I do remember that. It's hard to forget. I do remember that.

1:05:41 Caller David.

1:05:43 Caller Hey, Dr. Drew, I got a question. What do you do when your little buddy walks out on you? What do you do?

1:05:51 Adam I mean, you can answer, you know.

1:05:54 Drew You find another buddy.

1:05:57 Adam I know. So cavalier. So like an executioner.

1:06:02 Caller Hey, where are you going?

1:06:04 Adam I'm actually going home. I'm sorry, buddy.

1:06:09 Drew Hey, be careful. This guy cries to the point that he starts vomiting. I've seen him cry so much he barfs.

1:06:15 Caller I will not do that.

1:06:20 Caller I swear it's no compliment.

1:06:22 Caller I just die. I just really do.

1:06:24 Adam David, usually, usually David only vomits when we're talking about something vile.

1:06:30 Caller Sometimes when you get upset, I just.

1:06:38 Adam David, are you OK, brother?

1:06:39 Drew David, you got to get together because you got to cheer Adam up.

1:06:42 Adam David, I need you to pull it together.

1:06:43 Drew I need you to do a couple of things.

1:06:44 Adam Let me talk to him. David, I need you to be strong for me.

1:06:47 Caller OK?

1:06:49 Caller OK.

1:06:49 Adam OK. Dr. Drew has the Physician's Desk Reference.

1:06:55 Caller I'm there. I'm back on point.

1:06:57 Adam He has highlighted 10 or so substances. And as you know, you need to convert them into young black children's names.

1:07:07 Caller All right, let's do it now.

1:07:08 Drew The experiences of the mom of young black children.

1:07:11 Adam You are the mother out on the porch and you need to find who, Drew.

1:07:15 Drew But Thanacol. But Thanacol.

1:07:19 Caller Thanacol.

1:07:21 Caller Thanacol, don't act like you don't hear me.

1:07:25 Drew Perphenazine.

1:07:27 Caller Thanacol.

1:07:29 Drew Perphenazine.

1:07:30 Caller Get your twin brother Finnezzini. See, that's why they named y'all the thing. You sound like your heart and that Finnezzini, sad as all.

1:07:37 Caller Come in here right now.

1:07:39 Caller Right now, please.

1:07:41 Caller Take this trash out.

1:07:43 Drew Papaverine?

1:07:44 Caller Papaverine, where's your diaper?

1:07:48 Caller Where's your diaper?

1:07:50 Adam What's the young one, Papaverine?

1:07:52 Caller Put your knife down. Get back in the, get back in your crib.

1:07:56 Adam Papaverine has picked up a butcher knife and still is so young that he's in a crib.

1:08:02 Caller You know what, man, I'm freestylin here, man. I'm freestylin.

1:08:05 Adam I like it, Drew. Give him another one.

1:08:06 Drew Lysenopril.

1:08:08 Caller Hold on, hold on.

1:08:09 Caller Your sister's on the phone.

1:08:11 Caller Lysenopril, what?

1:08:16 Drew Lysenopril.

1:08:17 Adam Give him one more good one.

1:08:18 Caller Wait a minute, I can't hear.

1:08:21 Adam Codra.

1:08:21 Drew Ceftriaxone.

1:08:23 Caller Wait a minute, wait a minute. What did you say?

1:08:26 Drew Ceftriaxone.

1:08:28 Caller Okay, hold on.

1:08:31 Caller Who's report card is this? Cephtriaxone.

1:08:34 Caller What's going on?

1:08:36 Caller 3Ds?

1:08:38 Caller Cephtriaxone?

1:08:39 Caller No, no, no, no, no.

1:08:39 Caller We don't do that here. We do not do that here.

1:08:42 Caller We do not act that way here.

1:08:45 Caller 3Ds on your report card?

1:08:47 Caller Oh, no, no, no. Not tonight. Not tonight. Right off to your room.

1:08:52 Adam I drew one more good one. Alright, one more.

1:08:55 Drew Chloramphenicol.

1:08:57 Adam I drew shorter.

1:08:58 Drew That's too long.

1:09:00 Adam Give me a shorter one.

1:09:01 Drew Just flipping around.

1:09:04 Adam Come on.

1:09:04 Caller Drew, you lost the eye of the tiger.

1:09:05 Drew Colchicine.

1:09:07 Adam Colchicine.

1:09:07 Drew Colchicine.

1:09:09 Caller Colchicine.

1:09:10 Caller Colchicine.

1:09:12 Caller Colchicine. Look at me.

1:09:14 Caller Don't you point that BB gun at me.

1:09:16 Caller Don't you? You better drop it and run.

1:09:17 Caller You better keep running. Keep on putting my, I'm putting my tubes on. I'm coming out the what? You better hold still for this ass-whoppin.

1:09:27 Caller Not beautiful. David Allen Grier, everybody.

1:09:31 Drew Wait now, David, since it is Adam's one last night, there's one other thing. He actually brought this up last night. He wants one last experience, one last sort of chance to take in the experience of you having sex and what follows and what follows.

1:09:45 Adam Yeah. I mean, what's that experience like to lay down with the great David Allen Grier?

1:09:51 Caller I want to send you off in grand style.

1:09:53 Adam Thank you. Thank you.

1:09:54 Caller Let me just take you through the prelim, what I call the dag foreplay. Usually starts off a little slap boxing. Then I start chugging along and I've come home and I do a few quick ones right in front of the open door of the refrigerator. Take that last can and stick it on my forehead, throw that in the floor and stumble to the bedroom. I gotta get up. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, you sleep? You sleep? Come here.

1:10:21 Caller Huh? Come here. Come on.

1:10:22 Caller Come on.

1:10:23 Caller This is a raffle.

1:10:24 Caller Huh?

1:10:24 Caller Don't look at me.

1:10:25 Caller Don't, uh-uh.

1:10:26 Caller Oh, don't you look at me.

1:10:27 Caller Don't you, don't you always hit me. Oh, don't you look at me.

1:10:33 Guest Don't you look at me.

1:10:57 Caller What's going on?

1:10:59 Caller Thanks a lot, man.

1:11:00 Caller Thanks.

1:11:03 Adam David Allen Grier, everyone.

1:11:05 Caller Adam, it's your day, man.

1:11:06 Guest You will be good.

1:11:09 Caller I don't know what to say. I wrote things down. My beloved, my honey bunny, woke me up.

1:11:16 Caller I'm here in New York.

1:11:18 Caller And I called in, actually, I called in three hours ago, and at the time, I'm like a show.

1:11:23 Adam Oh, he did the same routine. I want to thank you, David.

1:11:28 Caller I appreciate it when you want to know that now you only have about four jobs because of this one. What's what's going on?

1:11:35 Caller Are you ever going to come back to visit?

1:11:37 Adam When you come back? Yes, I will.

1:11:39 Drew No doubt.

1:11:39 Adam I will definitely come back and visit and and call me when you come back in town, day. We will. We will hang out.

1:11:46 Drew Do you think you guys box together anymore?

1:11:49 Adam Anytime we wrestle, he ejaculates and falls asleep on me. It's awesome.

1:11:55 Drew Not rape, though.

1:11:55 Adam Not rape is not rape. All right. Let's see. Rob needs to say goodbye.

1:12:00 Caller Rob, I do.

1:12:02 Drew Corolla.

1:12:03 Caller I got two words for you, man.

1:12:04 Drew Is that your real name? Is it Rob?

1:12:06 Caller Yeah.

1:12:07 Adam Oh, why wouldn't it be Rob?

1:12:08 Drew Isn't it Eric from Arizona?

1:12:10 Caller Why would I lie about that?

1:12:12 Drew Sounds like Eric from Arizona.

1:12:13 Adam All right, go ahead.

1:12:14 Caller It's Robert. But yeah, so I got two words for you, dude. First of all, Jizz Grenade. Best two words ever spoken on the radio. I don't even know if you remember saying it.

1:12:25 Adam No, I don't remember saying it.

1:12:27 Caller If you were describing what a porno movie looked like, and you said it looked like somebody who's just lit off a Jizz Grenade.

1:12:34 Adam Jizz Grenade would be a good name for a band, too.

1:12:37 Caller Yeah, that's what you said. That's exactly what you said. You said that would be a great name for a punk band. And then you went into a little tirade about you were complaining to Dr. Bruce about all the porno names and how spank me, eff me. It was giving you so much trouble and everything else. Brilliant, most brilliant moment in broadcasting.

1:12:52 Adam Well, thanks, Rob. Thank you.

1:12:55 Caller You know, you've really coaxed me through my whole adolescence and gotten me to the point where it's such an honor to talk to you guys because you've really made a big difference in my life. And I feel like now that I'm getting older and I'm getting into adulthood, so it's going to be great going to morning with you in the morning time radio. But we're really going to miss you in the evening. And we're really going to, you know, the things that you could say and the jokes that you get across to everybody. It really means a lot to us because you're such a part of all of our lives.

1:13:23 Adam Thank you, Rob. I do appreciate you calling in and sharing that with us tonight. Forgot about the Jizz Grenade, but Drew, I guess you weren't here. So that's why you wouldn't wouldn't remember that. I remember it either. And I was here. That's, that's the beauty of drinking. I want to give a couple of thanks, by the way, not the Loveline staff, but there's some folks, we'll get to them later. There's some folks out here from K-Rock and, and other parts that do deserve a tip of the hat. Kevin Weatherly, greatest program director in the world, who basically was the man I looked up to here at the home station, the mother station here, K-Rock.

1:14:02 Drew When he tell you to keep quiet, you didn't look up to him enough to actually do that.

1:14:06 Adam Well, I was the only, I'm still the only guy I know who co-hosts a talk radio show whose most frequent note is quit talking so much. A lot of guys would be insulted by that.

1:14:19 Drew Not you.

1:14:19 Adam Well, not enough to stop talking. For the first five years I did the show, we would have meetings with Kevin Weatherly and he would tell me to take more calls and I would tell him okay and take a half a call less the following show. And eventually we just stopped having meetings. It's really, it's, it's, I think, I think we would take more calls the following day, but then we would go back to no calls again. And eventually he just left us alone. But he got me started here along with Tripp Reeb, along with Max Krasny, who deserves a tip of the hat, Westwood One. Jimmy Kimmel again plucked me out of carpentry and plunked me down in radio and he, I always thank him, but you couldn't thank that guy enough. My wife Lynette, sitting back and letting me leave every single night, probably happy to see me go, but still, and Drew's wife, beautiful wife too, letting us leave every night while they take care of whatever they have to take care of and letting their man go off in the middle of the night every night and come back to them being asleep. And it's a tough schedule. It's a tough schedule when you're married. I want to give a little shout out to Kevin Bean out here on K-Rock for getting me started and being generous and opening their doors, their arms, and their phone lines to me many years ago and getting me started in the first place. And everyone here at K-Rock because even though the show is a national show, its birthplace was and is K-Rock and these are the people that I've surrounded myself with over the years. All right, shall we take another phone call, Drew?

1:15:58 Drew There's two historical events in the recent history of the show we ought to maybe relive. One was when David Arquette showed up spontaneously.

1:16:07 Adam Do we have that?

1:16:08 Drew Yeah, Anderson, you have that on tape? How about the...

1:16:11 Caller Drew, what do you do?

1:16:12 Drew I just happen to think of it. I just happen to think of it.

1:16:14 Adam But you got to tell...

1:16:17 Drew No, let's talk. I don't mean...

1:16:19 Adam Oh, you want to relive it?

1:16:19 Drew Yes.

1:16:20 Adam All right. I thought you act like things are going to happen when you set it up that way.

1:16:24 Drew No, no, no. I wonder if you had it, but it was expected.

1:16:28 Adam Do me a favor. Do me one favor.

1:16:30 Drew One good favor.

1:16:30 Adam Please promise me you'll continue to do horrible radio after I'm gone.

1:16:34 Drew Is there any alternative?

1:16:35 Adam Yeah, because I like to... So we'll do a little reenactment. Let's go to some phone calls. Hold on, Adam. Before we go to the phone calls, there's one moment that stands out in this show. Actually a couple. One of them is a little something called David Arquette Anderson. Huh? What? No, I don't have that. Okay, well, we can talk about it, can't we? Drew, promise me whoever the next host is, you will do that to them.

1:17:02 Drew Is there another way?

1:17:03 Adam Promise me you will call for stuff that Anderson that he never has.

1:17:06 Caller I've got the other one that I know you're going to talk about. What's the other one? The Holocaust.

1:17:09 Drew The Holocaust. That was the other one.

1:17:10 Caller Oh, okay.

1:17:11 Drew Let's hear that then. Yeah. Let's set it up.

1:17:13 Caller Let's set it up.

1:17:14 Adam Well, man, we were just talking about this a couple of weeks ago. That's the stripper, the phone sex operator with the, I told her to use subliminal suggestions so her clients didn't orgasm as fast, so she could make more money by keeping them on the phone. And I think Tom Arnold was in there that night. I told her to mention the Holocaust subliminally, just work it in. It's going to add 10 minutes to the guy before he has his orgasm when he hears Holocaust. I had to explain to her what the Holocaust was.

1:17:43 Drew We realized as we were talking to her that she had no idea what you're talking about even.

1:17:46 Adam And this is me telling her, go ahead, do your phone sex thing, I'll be a client, you be you, and subtly, subliminally work in the Holocaust, just enough so I hear it on a subconscious level, but not audibly. Let's give it a shot. Bring, bring.

1:18:03 Caller Hi, how you doing?

1:18:05 Adam Hi, what's your name?

1:18:06 Caller I'm Sugar.

1:18:07 Adam Sugar, I'm Ace.

1:18:09 Caller Hey, Ace.

1:18:10 Adam Yeah, what are you wearing?

1:18:12 Caller Well, I'm wearing a nice black garter.

1:18:16 Guest Just thinking about the Holocaust right now.

1:18:23 Adam I like playing out, Anderson, because it's funny to hear Tom Arnold go berserk if you do have it. I laughed. All right, let's see what I did with Drew.

1:18:34 Drew And then the David Arquette thing? Relive that now.

1:18:37 Adam Oh, you want to relive it? Well, David Arquette, it's probably better just to talk about it. It's just a funny story. We were in the old Westwood One studio and we were talking about actors. And I don't know if it was like Crispin Glover or these actors. There's a lot of actors out there that just seem nuts. Certifiably insane. And I was saying, how do these guys work? How do they get to the set?

1:19:06 Caller You were talking about John Malkovich.

1:19:08 Adam John Malkovich seems nuts. How does he memorize all his lines? How do all these guys do this stuff? And then I used David Arquette as an example. The guy seems nuts. He seemed more nuts at the time.

1:19:19 Drew Yeah. And by the way, you qualified it with, we love him. He was one of our dearer friends. We love him on the show. He's a great guy.

1:19:25 Adam Good guy.

1:19:25 Drew He's special kind of nuts, but certifiable.

1:19:27 Adam But certifiable.

1:19:28 Caller You had Spike Jonze on in the cast of being John Malkovich.

1:19:31 Adam That's right. Thank you, Anderson. That's what we did.

1:19:35 Drew That's who the cast was then? That's who was the guesting?

1:19:37 Adam Yeah. Spike Jonze. Spike Jonze.

1:19:39 Drew Wow.

1:19:40 Adam And we're talking about being John Malkovich, I guess. And I was saying David Arquette is nuts. And I don't know how he works, how we can play a small town sheriff when he's nuts. And people are like, whoa, whoa, aren't you scared he's going to come in here? Or aren't you scared he's going to find you? He's going to hear you. He's going to get PO'd. And I was like, well, David Arquette couldn't find his way to the studio. And you're like, well, he's been here three times. And I was like, listen, he's nuts. I can barely find his way to his car in the morning in his own driveway. He's never going to find his way to the studio. And he's crazy. And I'm not worried about David Arquette, but the guy's nuts and I like him not putting him down, but clearly he's certifiable. It was about two and a half minutes later, he came walking through the studio.

1:20:25 Drew Burst to the doors.

1:20:26 Adam Yes, not through the door outside or any end.

1:20:30 Drew Into the studio.

1:20:31 Adam Into the studio.

1:20:32 Drew And I was screaming.

1:20:32 Adam And I was like, ha-pah-pah, ha-pah-pah, ha-pah.

1:20:35 Drew So I'm certifiable, huh?

1:20:37 Adam I can't find the studio, huh? Yeah, he was driving home from a Lakers game.

1:20:42 Drew That's what he said.

1:20:42 Adam Was just going down the 10 freeway right next to the off ramp we were on, listening to it and told his man to turn off promptly.

1:20:52 Drew That was wild.

1:20:52 Adam In the studio. It was less than three minutes after I had done my little rant about him. He was standing there and it was very uncomfortable. All right, let's see. Quick goodbye, baby voice. Amber?

1:21:06 Caller Yes.

1:21:07 Adam What's up?

1:21:09 Caller Hi.

1:21:09 Adam Hey.

1:21:10 Caller I just called because I have to say that I love you.

1:21:15 Adam Thanks, sweetie.

1:21:16 Caller I want to ride the pony, daddy.

1:21:18 Adam Yeah, that was a 40 year old. What's up? Anything else?

1:21:23 Caller I just wanted to say goodbye. I've been listening to you since I was 14 and I just don't know what I'm going to do without you, but.

1:21:30 Adam Well.

1:21:31 Caller I just call and say goodbye and say that I love you.

1:21:33 Adam Thanks, Amber. I appreciate it. And again, it's really, it's so touching to read these emails on the websites and all that. And by the way, I want to thank the Loveline Companion website guys. My wife went on there today and just basically pulled Silent Virgin, The Mastermind, Kevin Yu, Nick Valk, and all the regulars that post on that. It's, it's, it's my, my self-esteem is too low to read that stuff or to pay attention to it. But it still feels great that it's out there and God bless you for doing it. And my wife will pull it off and read them to me every once in a while. And it's almost, it's like I don't feel worthy. I know it sounds like BS, but I start getting uncomfortable, you know, what are we going to do when I look up to and I'm just sort of like I, I don't know if I want to cry or just sort of hold my ears. But it's hard. It's hard to hear and in a good way, but it's hard to hear. And, and I've said it before and I'll say it again. This isn't the end. This is not the end of this show. This is not the end of me doing radio. This is not the end of Drew. This is turning the page, a new chapter, whatever metaphor you want to use. But it's not the end. And Sunday night, Drew is going to be here. I will be home yelling into the phone, where's Adam? You suck, new guy. I'll fill in whoever, whoever's in here each night. And that's where we'll be. And you'll hear me doing morning radio. And hopefully you'll hear me back here. I mean, I'd like to come back and be a guest. And I'm not doing the morning thing for another couple months. It seems like I could, what the hell? I'll come back Sunday. Come on, buddy. All right, we'll take ourselves a little break. We'll come back. There's more thanks, more thoughts, more goodbyes, more of your calls, all that after this.

1:23:28 Caller Loveline will be right back.

1:23:32 Caller Loveline is brought to you by Zestra Feminine Arousal Fluid. Rediscover your intimacy.

1:23:37 Caller Rediscover yourself with Zestra.

1:23:49 Adam Yeah, buddy, it's Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Well, this is it. 20, well, 32 minutes and 45 seconds left to go, Drew. It's going by quick. All right, let's keep going. And...

1:24:09 Drew Now I feel like somebody who just needs to... I've gone from denial, from pretending it's not gonna happen, to feeling dread about it happening, to going, I just want to get over with it.

1:24:17 Adam We should end now.

1:24:18 Drew Let's get out of here. So you want to jump in a pool of cold water, so let's just do it.

1:24:22 Adam Well, here's the thing, Drew. That's the show, everybody. Here's the thing. We have gone, as I've said, two minutes heavy every night for the last 10 years. I figure we've done 70 extra shows with that extra two minutes that we've run heavy.

1:24:39 Drew Absolutely.

1:24:40 Adam So, really, we could get it off. Yeah. All right, let's see.

1:24:46 Drew One quick last story, the Heather Graham story.

1:24:48 Adam Well, you tell it, Drew.

1:24:49 Drew Well, Adam, we had Heather Graham on back before she was a star. And it was during a commercial break when we were on the air.

1:24:58 Adam It was on the air.

1:24:59 Drew Adam says, what else are you working on right now? And she goes, well, you know, I'm doing a project kind of excited about. It's about porn industry in the 70s. I wear roller skates the entire film. And I'm very excited about Adam looked at her and said, what?

1:25:10 Adam What said her name was Roller Girl?

1:25:12 Drew Oh, Roller Girl. And he said, he said, what?

1:25:14 Adam Hold on. Drew punched a microphone, by the way. Not for the last time.

1:25:18 Drew No, no, no.

1:25:19 Adam By the way, because when you average nine every quarter hour.

1:25:23 Drew Didn't want to disappoint you last night.

1:25:25 Adam Drew punched a mic. Couple of guys came to see the show and was like, when is Drew going to punch the mic? I'm like, when isn't Drew going to punch the mic? That's the real question. And there you go.

1:25:34 Guest Did you guys get it?

1:25:36 Adam Drew socked the mic. It's awesome. Yeah.

1:25:39 Drew Anyway, he started leaning into it. What the hell? What is the matter with you? Who is your representation?

1:25:43 Adam Yeah, but Drew, you're forgetting the rest too, which is Burt Reynolds and Marky Mark are in this. Burt Reynolds is fresh off of Cop and a Half. Marky Mark is the underpants guy at the time. You think about his career before Boogie Nights.

1:25:58 Drew He had no acting.

1:25:59 Adam Mark Wahlberg was an Calvin Klein underpants model who was with his Funky Bunch or something back then.

1:26:06 Drew Right, some boy band thing.

1:26:08 Adam Yeah, it was with the Funky Bunch. So the point is, you got the guy from the Funky Bunch, you got the guy from Cop and a Half, and you're playing Roller Girl.

1:26:17 Drew It's like, oh my God, what are you thinking?

1:26:19 Adam What happened to your career, sweet pea? She was kind of PO'd about it, I remember, but I was serious and then later on turned out to be Boogie Nights. It was my favorite movie of the year. All right, Drew.

1:26:30 Drew All right. Pick somebody you want to talk to.

1:26:34 Adam Let's talk to, who do you want to talk to?

1:26:37 Drew That one.

1:26:38 Adam This one? Take a Loveline call.

1:26:41 Caller Hello?

1:26:42 Adam You're 16?

1:26:43 Caller Yeah.

1:26:44 Adam What's up?

1:26:45 Caller Oh my God, I'm so glad to meet you guys.

1:26:48 Adam Oh, you're 16, huh?

1:26:51 Caller Yeah.

1:26:52 Adam Say, more Ovaltine, please.

1:26:55 Caller I knew you were going to make me say that if I called.

1:26:58 Adam Say it.

1:26:58 Caller I'm like jello.

1:26:59 Adam Oh, more jello. Say more jello. No, say Ovaltine. Yeah, more Ovaltine, please. Mom? Mom. More Ovaltine, mom. And do it with a lot of zest and verve.

1:27:09 Caller Okay, well, what are you wanting me to say? You said a lot of things.

1:27:12 Drew More Ovaltine, mom.

1:27:13 Caller Okay. More Ovaltine, mom. Right.

1:27:16 Adam Now, I know I said a lot of zest and verve, but that was too much. We need to reel it in. You blew up my headphones. I want you to do it and I want you to sell it now. More Ovaltine, mom.

1:27:29 Caller Okay.

1:27:30 Adam Here we go. I'm going to cue you in, all right? Three, two, one, act.

1:27:35 Caller More Ovaltine, mom.

1:27:38 Drew Good.

1:27:39 Adam And this is a six-year-old. So we're going with sexual abuse.

1:27:42 Drew Age three.

1:27:43 Caller Yeah.

1:27:44 Adam I'm going four.

1:27:44 Caller No.

1:27:45 Adam What?

1:27:45 Caller Five.

1:27:46 Caller Five. I just missed.

1:27:47 Adam I was closer.

1:27:48 Guest Yeah.

1:27:49 Caller So you were- I wanted to say that I love you guys so much. Oh my God. Adam, you're like God. I have you all over my shoes.

1:27:57 Adam Ooh. Name on your shoes. That's a big one. That's awesome. Yeah, because I grew up there. Aerosmith was on people's shoes. Hold on a second. Here's one of the things we've figured out from, well, not Drew. Drew's done 150,000 calls. I've only done 60,000 calls. But one thing you learn from doing 60,000 calls is the tone of people's voice, the cadence and what it awakens in you, what it says to you. Every time you hear something, it should make you think of something.

1:28:29 Drew And Leah, we knew not only sexual abuse, but we knew about what age.

1:28:33 Adam Yeah, well, that was a whole year off. But her question is, wants to know if ecstasy will make the first time having sex better? And actually, it's his first time having sex, which would even suggest that she was a virgin or never whatever. So it is a little more misleading. Thank God. I never read the calls and I'm not about to start tonight, but I trust I trust what we hear. Yeah, I just want people to know that when we ask, we would never do this. Actually, Drew would try, but I would never do this, which was we would never see that someone was sexually abused on the screen and go, hold on, hold on, I feel something. Let me ask you, were you ever, that's BS. That's for the BS psychics who really don't know anything. We would never do that. If it was on the screen, we would say, we see on the screen, it says you were abused. We never do that or we wouldn't ask. This is just a feeling that you get after doing a combined 200,000 calls when someone is sexually abused.

1:29:34 Drew They sound a certain way.

1:29:35 Adam They sound a certain way. Same way if a guy is racist. He sounds a certain way.

1:29:39 Drew Same way if a guy breaks his leg, he walks a certain way.

1:29:43 Adam Right, right.

1:29:44 Caller All right.

1:29:46 Drew Hello?

1:29:46 Adam Leah, go ahead.

1:29:47 Caller Oh, okay.

1:29:48 Caller Well, I was gonna tell you that three months ago, I went to LA and I was like trying to meet you desperately, but I couldn't do it.

1:29:55 Caller I was so sad.

1:29:56 Adam Yeah. Meanwhile, I got three dudes in their 30s that smell like ass and patchouli sitting in here. What's that?

1:30:06 Caller I even went to the same Starbucks you go to and everything like near Jimmy Kimmel and everything.

1:30:11 Caller But I couldn't meet you.

1:30:12 Caller I was so sad. I wanted you to find my shoes.

1:30:17 Adam Okay, maybe not. I would have done it. Sorry we missed each other. All right. Have you gotten some therapy for your abuse?

1:30:25 Caller Yeah, I wanted to, but I was thinking I kind of don't want to right now because I don't really trust my therapist because I'm scared they're going to tell my parents.

1:30:36 Adam Man. You need to trust somebody. You got to get some help.

1:30:40 Caller I know.

1:30:41 Drew We have some on the line who's had a similar experience, yes? Oh boy.

1:30:45 Adam Hey, and Leah, you want to know if ecstasy will make the first time having sex better?

1:30:49 Drew No. It'll give an intense experience, but it's not a good idea. Horrible idea. In fact, oftentimes people will describe having less sexual arousal after having used ecstasy during sex.

1:31:01 Adam Okay.

1:31:02 Caller I love you guys. I'll miss you so much, Adam.

1:31:05 Adam I love you.

1:31:05 Drew Take care.

1:31:06 Adam And look, listen, Leah, the best gift you could give to me is getting some help. It really is. And we've got Andy Dick on there in line, but say hi to him. He's speaking to me in help. Talk to him in a second. But Drew, would you agree with me when I say that really the greatest gift you can give me is not in the form of a red wine or pornography? Although that is appreciated. It is.

1:31:33 Drew No kids.

1:31:34 Adam Please don't make the last 10 years of me blowing hard into the mic in vain. You know what I mean? Yeah. Just take a little of it and do something with it. I'm not saying, I don't want to be your personal life coach or anything, but if I could just get a fraction of the people that were listening to throw on a condom or think twice before they started doing their first tab of acid.

1:31:56 Drew Get a little help for this and that.

1:31:58 Adam Just a little help. Just a little tweak. Then it will all be worthwhile. All right. Let's talk to the great Andy Dick. Andy Dick.

1:32:08 Guest Oh, my good friend, Adam Corolla.

1:32:12 Adam How are you?

1:32:14 Guest I'm sad.

1:32:15 Adam Thanks, buddy.

1:32:16 Guest I'm sad that you're leaving.

1:32:18 Adam I am too.

1:32:19 Drew How are you, Andy?

1:32:20 Guest I'm good, actually. Really, really good. I'm I'm doing a you guys have probably heard of that master cleanser fast with the cayenne pepper and the lemon.

1:32:32 Adam Everybody is doing that.

1:32:34 Drew So danger.

1:32:35 Adam Hold on a second, Andy. Drew, what what is that? You get you get the cayenne pepper, you get the lemon water, some maple syrup, and you do nothing but drink that with like stream water. And an Indian stirs it with his dick. What is that, Drew? Does that help? It's fasting.

1:32:53 Drew It's fasting with a little bit of sugar.

1:32:55 Adam Right. And in the maple syrup, I was saying to someone the other day, the maple syrup. Here's what they do with those things. You know, when the guy comes to your house, he's going to give you the estimate to re-pipe the entire house. And he's just thinking 15 grand. So he says, let me crunch some numbers. He goes out to the van and he sits there and blows a joint, sits there for about 20 minutes. And then he writes down $14,972.29, which is 15 grand. But if he wrote 15 grand, you'd think, come on buddy, you ripped me off. This looks like he's doing something. That's what the maple syrup is. You put a capful, a cap, no, no, not a, not a, not a, not a teaspoon, not a tablespoon, a teaspoon of maple syrup and not Mrs. Butter's worth either. And all this BS. Meanwhile, it's just a bunch of hot sugar water you're drinking with a little lemon in it.

1:33:41 Drew And cayenne might suppress appetite a little bit too, so.

1:33:44 Adam Look, it's like not eating. Yes. Just having.

1:33:48 Drew By the way, not eating doesn't cleanse you. Does not cleanse you.

1:33:51 Adam I know, you know, you know what we're doing? We're living in this society where we don't have to forge for food, where we're not hungry, where there's overabundance. So what we do is we overindulge, we drink too much, we eat too much, we smoke too much, and then we flog ourselves with these crazy diets. Everyone just mellow out. There's, there's no stop. That's the legacy I want to leave behind. Stop with the ass flushing. Stop with the barium anima. Stop putting the coffee up the ass. Stop with all the up the ass stuff. It has nothing to do with anything. You don't feel, I'll tell you what makes you feel better.

1:34:24 Drew If you leave that legacy, I feel like those 10 years will not have been in vain. Andy, stop it with the ass.

1:34:29 Adam Andy, stop putting stuff up your ass.

1:34:31 Guest Shut up. I'm not putting anything up my ass. I'm not doing colonics or any of that.

1:34:36 Adam Yeah, but this is a stepping stone to putting stuff up your ass. Is it not, Drew?

1:34:40 Guest I've done colonics in the past and I don't...

1:34:43 Drew That's what he's saying. Stop it.

1:34:44 Guest They make me uncomfortable.

1:34:46 Drew Yeah, imagine that.

1:34:47 Adam Seeming colonics. Oh, boy. Close your eyes.

1:34:51 Guest Every time you put me on hold, I can still hear you.

1:34:54 Adam You know that.

1:34:54 Drew Sorry.

1:34:55 Guest You don't put me on hold.

1:34:57 Adam All right, buddy. All right, let's not get off in the wrong direction here.

1:35:02 Guest I mean, now, come on. I just called to say, I always love going on your guys' show, but I can still go on, right? Dr. Drew, you're gonna still do it, right?

1:35:10 Drew I'll be waiting for you, Andy. I can't wait.

1:35:11 Adam Sure. And bring your guitar and bring the bitches of the century and bring it all.

1:35:16 Drew Because you're not allowed to be on them when I'm here.

1:35:20 Guest I heard you when I was on hold talking.

1:35:23 Adam Oh, I don't know.

1:35:23 Caller It doesn't matter.

1:35:24 Guest I heard everything.

1:35:26 Adam Andy, thank you.

1:35:27 Guest Speaking of needing help.

1:35:29 Adam No, but look, Andy.

1:35:32 Guest You know, you drink too much, you do this too much. And then, yeah, I feel like I need a little bit of a flush. Hold still, hold still, hold still.

1:35:39 Adam That's us having sex.

1:35:41 Guest Awesome.

1:35:42 Adam Thanks, Andy. Thanks for calling in.

1:35:44 Drew See you soon.

1:35:45 Guest I'll see you soon, Adam. I'll see you on your new show. You're going to be the guy for Taking Over Howard, right?

1:35:51 Adam Yes, out here on the West Coast and parts, other parts. But here's the thing too, everybody, all the great talent and voices you hear calling in tonight, they'll be doing this show and it won't be as funny, but they'll be doing this show, they'll be doing my show, I'll be doing this show. It's all good, as they say.

1:36:12 Drew It's all good.

1:36:13 Adam All right. And Drew, let's see.

1:36:16 Drew Katie's been on hold for 87 minutes.

1:36:17 Adam 87 minutes. All right. Maybe she's looking to go for 90. Katie?

1:36:23 Caller Hello?

1:36:23 Adam 18?

1:36:24 Caller Yes, I am.

1:36:26 Adam But now doesn't want to lose it to them. You promised your virginity to your boyfriend.

1:36:32 Caller Ex-boyfriend, sort of, technically.

1:36:35 Drew All right. The promises that you make, wait, wait, wait. Promises that you make when you're together are somewhat qualified, at least, once you break up. You know what I'm saying?

1:36:47 Adam What do you mean?

1:36:48 Drew Well, for instance, even in marriages, you promised to love and protect for the rest of your, you know, till death.

1:36:54 Adam Right.

1:36:54 Drew And then you break that promise and that's the end of that. I mean, not to say that you should not take these things seriously or break promises easily. I'm just saying, you promise him virginity, you have no obligation to give that to him since you didn't maintain the relationship.

1:37:07 Adam You broke up.

1:37:08 Drew Yeah, that's it.

1:37:09 Adam Katie, what's the problem with that?

1:37:11 Caller Well, what happened is we broke up technically for me because I'm going to college six hours away from home. We're not seeing each other every day.

1:37:20 Drew Where are you going to?

1:37:21 Caller But I'm at school in Boston. He lives in upstate New York.

1:37:25 Adam All right.

1:37:26 Drew I see.

1:37:26 Adam All right. And you want to tell you what college, you know, Drew's climbing out of his skin.

1:37:31 Drew Northeastern. What?

1:37:33 Caller Yeah, Northeastern in Boston.

1:37:34 Adam Yeah, Drew. What the hell do I know?

1:37:36 Drew There's 45 colleges in Boston. How did I pick that one?

1:37:39 Caller I know. It's a big college town.

1:37:41 Adam Yeah.

1:37:42 Drew But I picked the school you go to. Isn't that weird?

1:37:45 Caller No.

1:37:47 Caller That is pretty weird.

1:37:48 Drew It is weird. Yes, thank you.

1:37:51 Adam Here's the one part about this show I'm never going to miss is, listen, you tell your boyfriend working over at the batting cage that he's got to straighten up and fly right. And by the way, what does your boyfriend do for a living? Works at a batting cage? Oh, you didn't want to say anything when I just guessed he was working at a batting cage? Well, he does work at a batting cage. Yeah, I know. You didn't find it peculiar that I guessed your boyfriend worked at a batting cage of all places? I guess. OK. Anyway, I got a question. I'm not going to miss that part of the show. Not going to miss it. You picked the one college amongst the 45 that she did actually attend, and then you got to ring her like a bar rag to get that. Now, you don't even get you never get the compliment. You just give the you get there.

1:38:34 Drew That's right. That's kind of weird.

1:38:35 Caller Yeah.

1:38:36 Adam Yes.

1:38:36 Caller All right. Yeah.

1:38:39 Drew How the hell did I know that?

1:38:40 Adam I don't know, Drew. You know, every college, you have a laminated college and your wallet. Well, she said it was on the north side or something like that. She made some comment to a certain part of town.

1:38:53 Drew She said it's six hours north of where I live in upstate New York, six hours away.

1:38:58 Adam The boyfriend lived in upstate New York.

1:38:59 Drew I live in upstate New York. But you've moved six hours away.

1:39:04 Caller I moved six hours away to go to school.

1:39:06 Drew That's what she said.

1:39:06 Adam I thought she said on the north side or something.

1:39:09 Drew It's not on the north side anyway.

1:39:10 Adam Well, whatever she said. I thought she said something like that.

1:39:13 Drew I'm telling you, it had nothing to do with the location of school.

1:39:15 Adam I'd like to detract from your victory. Katie, what did you say?

1:39:19 Caller What did I say to my boyfriend?

1:39:21 Drew No, what did you say to us that led me to conclude you went to Northeastern?

1:39:25 Adam I don't think people listen to us, by the way.

1:39:28 Caller No, the guy I talked to before they put me on with you asked me where I went to school and I said Northeastern. So I think that's how you guessed.

1:39:36 Drew No, I didn't get that information. That's why we don't get credit for this.

1:39:41 Adam I was going to screw all you. I'm leaving.

1:39:44 Drew On the board here it says, promise Virginia to boyfriend, but now doesn't want to lose it to him.

1:39:49 Adam She told the guy before that.

1:39:50 Drew I didn't know who she was talking to even, let alone what she told him.

1:39:55 Adam Come on, Drew. Here's what happened, Drew. Our screener got what college she went to, slipped you a little note, you pretended to guess it, and then you patted yourself on the back.

1:40:05 Drew Where is he? Where's my note?

1:40:06 Adam There it is. It's clear as day. Clear as day. Stephanie?

1:40:09 Caller Yes. Hi.

1:40:11 Adam 32.

1:40:12 Caller I am so happy to talk to you, Adam. I wanted to say that you have influenced my life.

1:40:19 Adam Thank you.

1:40:19 Caller And that the way you have influenced my life is you've become, your Loveline shtick has become part of my super ego.

1:40:29 Adam Uh-oh. What do you mean?

1:40:30 Drew Did you actually hear his voice?

1:40:31 Adam By the way, let me just work this out. It's like, I love you, Adam. All right? She's now at 150 pounds. You've influenced my life. She's up to 170. Your voice has become part of my super ego. Oh, now we're at two bells. Stephanie?

1:40:46 Caller 148.55. No lie.

1:40:49 Adam Okay. All right. Keep going. Keep going with the praising and the stroking.

1:40:53 Caller But actually, when I went out on this date, I was heavier.

1:40:57 Adam Interesting.

1:40:57 Drew Keep going.

1:40:59 Adam I guess she went on a date.

1:41:01 Caller With a guy and he was being a blowhard. He was like, well, if you're nice, I'll teach you to skateboard. And your voice popped into my head saying, this guy's an a-hole.

1:41:11 Drew You actually heard it?

1:41:12 Caller Yeah.

1:41:13 Adam Oh, thank you. If it tells you to kill, ignore it. You know what I'm saying?

1:41:20 Caller Well, the moral of the story is you have you kind of taught me how to differentiate with men because I've grown up in an all female household. So men have been kind of like really foreign.

1:41:36 Adam Okay, thanks, babe. I never felt better in my life. I really haven't. Boy, let's say these compliments. It's too much. It's too much, Drew. It's more than one man can stand. You know, I really I'm on cloud nine. I can't take it anymore. It's become too, you know what it's like? It's like, it's like when you eat so much fudge, it's so sweet, it almost tastes sour at this point. It's so sacchariney sweet, the outpouring of love. Oh, the listeners never disappoint. All right. All right, everyone, home stretch. We'll be back after this. Yeah, my theme song.

1:42:25 Drew Oh, this is what...

1:42:26 Adam Ace man.

1:42:27 Drew This is what the ladies say.

1:42:27 Adam Leather jacket slung over his shoulders, smoked shades, hair bouncing, men turning, frightened, women impressed as he moves to the bar. Like a cat strutting, boots, snakeskin belt, confident, bounced to a step. This is my music.

1:42:48 Drew That is how he feels on the inside. This is what he hears, what he feels, what he sees. And now we've got to look at what the ladies see as he struts by. There we go.

1:42:59 Adam Never a good song.

1:43:00 Drew There we go.

1:43:03 Adam Speaking of things that never get old, the great Jimmy Kimmel on Line 7. Jimmy?

1:43:10 Caller I really am getting old. I wanted to call him because I didn't think it was right that you end such a glorious run with Andy Dick as the last one.

1:43:19 Adam Thank you.

1:43:21 Caller And I thought it was fitting that you end this with a little Germany or Florida.

1:43:27 Drew Well, but not only that, that's a good idea, but the fact that you started it all, you ending it is also quite fitting too.

1:43:33 Adam Yes.

1:43:34 Drew Not ending it, but I mean finishing with this.

1:43:36 Adam It all got started at the writers' table at Jimmy Kimmel Live.

1:43:39 Drew No, I mean Jimmy starting you off on radio too.

1:43:41 Adam Oh, well that's true too, as well as the Germany or Florida.

1:43:44 Caller Hopefully it just continues to flourish, but it is a great show and you guys should be very proud of everything you've done.

1:43:50 Drew And let me, let me gush for a second too. I mean, it's been a pleasure of sort of, I don't know, life-changing proportion. And I really appreciate everything about Adam and what he's done for me and my family and taught me a lot. And it's been a pleasure of, you know, of life, life-changing is not the right word. I can't quite come up with the right word. It's a, you know, a part of my life. No, not ruining. Well, that's it's not, there's been that element to it, but it's about life being a big part of my life. And I appreciate it.

1:44:21 Adam Well, you know, I was, I was thinking about Drew and, uh, and my other, other partner, Jimmy. And I realized Jimmy and I are very much alike and we really enjoy each other, probably because it's like beating off into a mirror. It's whenever we see each other. But Drew and, and Jimmy, Jimmy is a really smart guy and Drew's a really smart guy. And I'm a smart guy. Well, I will say, but Drew and I are very different. And I, it's rare that people who are very different enjoy each other as much as we do everything. I know you don't know and everything you know, I don't know. And we seem to enjoy that about each other.

1:45:01 Drew And you've taught me a good deal.

1:45:03 Adam And you've taught me a good deal. I had no idea what pearly penile papules were before I met you. I just thought there were bumps on my joint. Jimmy, you are the reason by the way I'm sitting here and I'll never forget that. I do appreciate it.

1:45:19 Caller And believe me, it's been more of a pleasure for me listening to you guys every night. But now comes the important thing.

1:45:26 Drew Germany or Florida.

1:45:27 Caller Whoever wins this edition is the champion for all time. Wow.

1:45:33 Drew OK, here we go.

1:45:34 Caller Are you ready?

1:45:35 Caller Yeah.

1:45:36 Caller Here we go.

1:45:39 Drew Oh, we heard this one already. Oh, this is tough.

1:45:48 Adam Yeah.

1:45:49 Drew Keep going.

1:45:49 Adam Keep going.

1:45:50 Drew Give us some more.

1:45:51 Caller Stalin, Neumann, Xi, Kassia, Zerbejidinong, Bikere, Flicia.

1:46:00 Adam Tough, tough. This is a coin toss type question for me, but I'm just going Florida.

1:46:04 Drew I think I'm thinking Florida too, because after all, he's speaking Yiddish.

1:46:06 Adam You got to dance with who brought you. I'm going Florida on this one.

1:46:09 Caller You guys are both going out losers.

1:46:11 Caller It's Germany.

1:46:12 Drew No way.

1:46:14 Adam I can't believe it.

1:46:15 Drew Laughing time is over.

1:46:17 Adam Jimmy, thanks for calling. God bless you, buddy. I'll see you tomorrow morning.

1:46:20 Caller Take care, fellas.

1:46:21 Drew Take care.

1:46:22 Adam The great Jimmy Kimmel, everybody. Oh, boy, we got to take a break. I want to thank some people. Should we take a break right this second, come back, have a minute left for thanking people?

1:46:30 Drew We'll go two minutes over.

1:46:31 Adam Okay. We'll be right back after this.

1:46:36 Caller Hello, who is this?

1:46:37 Caller This is Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:46:40 Caller Loveline will be right back.

1:46:53 Adam Well, thanks a lot. It's been a great, great ride. I want to give some thanks for thanks or do. Some people here, some people not here. Phone screener Sherry. Always a delight.

1:47:04 Drew Yeah.

1:47:05 Adam For her. Tara, don't call me Tara, God damn it. Even miss my nemesis phone screener. Tara, don't call me Tara.

1:47:11 Drew The evil phone screener.

1:47:12 Adam Yes. Engineer Mike. Great guy. Stop by tonight. Brian, phone screener Brian. Chris, engineer Chris. Patricia.

1:47:21 Drew Stop by too.

1:47:22 Adam Rick, Marcus, Michelle, Anderson. We've had our differences along the way, but a great, great engineer. Nobody faster with those fingers and love those drops, buddy. Gonna miss ya. Gonna miss Lauren for doing a great job. Junior producer, Lauren. Just one junior. Of course, producer Ann. Fantastic. A pleasure, a thrill. Love you, baby. It's been great. Lance, the new phone screener. Never met you, but fantastic job, brother. Feel like you're my brother. What can I say, everybody? It's been awesome. It's been a privilege. Drew, it's just been, it's been my privilege.

1:48:03 Caller It really has been mine.

1:48:04 Adam And it's been way more than a professional relationship. And I hope it continues long after this time.

1:48:12 Drew I trust it will.

1:48:13 Adam And again, if you're a friend of mine and you're a fan of mine, please support this show. It's an important show and it's important that it keeps going. And don't worry, this is not goodbye. This is the little temporary break. And then we'll all be back together soon. Yes. So for the final time, until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahala.

1:48:43 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:48:47 Guest The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station.

1:48:55 Adam The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, November 3, 2005