Episode 1000733479995

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

1:01 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Sexually-oriented content.

1:07 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:08 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline. With Adam Carolla and Dr. Dre.

1:19 Voiceover Am I gonna make up on? Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Addiction Medicine Specialist. No guests tonight, just the love that is found between the two hosts. Tomorrow night, my gay assistant, Matt, is going to come in here for just the first half hour.

1:41 Drew Is that really doing him justice? No.

1:44 Adam No. No.

1:45 But just to call him.

1:47 Adam Well, he's also a TV star.

1:49 He was obviously cast for your show, is what I'm thinking.

1:54 Drew He's a super gay.

1:55 Because he's such a horrible assistant.

1:57 Oh, no.

1:58 Drew That's what you're wrong.

2:00 Adam The only way it's possible is if he was cast for your show. Well, first off, let me tell you about horrible assistants. The bar is subterranean. It is so low in the Carolla assistant, saying that all you have to do is show up, not take a swing at me, and you're far superior than my last five assistants. So that's number one. But number two, he's actually, he's competent. He's got, you know, he's got chutzpah. He's got chutzpah. He's got what we call it. He's coming in here tomorrow night.

2:32 Is Ray at least coming with him?

2:33 Adam He's from the TLC show.

2:35 Drew Ray, we can't let on because Ray knows too much.

2:40 Adam Yeah, no, he doesn't really. There's nothing Ray knows that you don't know.

2:43 Drew Really?

2:44 Adam No. No, what could possibly?

2:46 I don't know.

2:47 Adam How much? You've heard horrific things from me.

2:50 Drew No, no, I know. That's what I was so surprised. Remember that one time I brought him in here as a surprise and you thought, uh-uh. Kind of ironic.

2:55 Adam Yeah, well, I didn't like the ambush feel of it. That's all.

2:59 Ironic because Ray seems to know very little.

3:02 Adam Yeah, Ray doesn't seem to know very much. But I'll do a plug the TLC show, which, by the way, I went and paid my grandmother a visit yesterday. Now, she doesn't have cable because I only have two shows on cable.

3:20 Drew Well, you have three. Man shows are here again.

3:22 Adam Oh, man shows. Okay, it's only three shows, but it's hardly double digits. It's not like I have 13 shows on cable. I only have three. I'm only at three stations, well, three nights a week.

3:35 Drew She never heard of the radio show. She has heard of the radio show, I guess.

3:37 Adam She has. She has.

3:37 Drew It was about two years ago.

3:38 Adam But she better hope she's not listening now. So she says, she doesn't have cable, but my mom will get her a cassette of the TLC show.

3:47 Drew Oh, that's obvious.

3:47 Adam Yeah, she wants to check that out. Mom's into it. Mom's into it. She's trying to get grandma into it. Grandma says to me yesterday that she saw the first parts of the first episode but was nodding on and off, sort of dozed off. She was fading in and out, so she didn't see the whole episode. Made it clear to me.

4:12 Drew Put her to sleep, yeah.

4:13 Adam Well.

4:14 Drew I mean, it's good for inducing narcosis, but-

4:18 Adam She just wanted to make it clear that she didn't see the whole episode because she wasn't conscious for a good portion of it, but she would come back and then doze off again.

4:28 Drew Yeah, and good sleep, though. Very nice sleep. Oh, yeah.

4:31 Adam Put her down like elephant tranquilizer. And the thing that's funny is, it's on a cassette. It's not like what comes on at 10 o'clock at night, and I usually go to bed about 930, but I tried to stay up and I just couldn't make it. It's on a cassette. Could have plugged it in the following day. It's not like my mom went and wrestled it back from her the following day.

4:50 Drew Or her love's tendons could have stopped it and literally-

4:52 Adam She'd show them all day, every day. Just plug it back in when you're more lucid during the day.

4:58 Drew Or just to catch up with the part you missed.

5:00 Adam Here's the thing that's funny too. That's episode number one. We're number four is going to air in two days. You know what I mean? In and out, in and out, stozing, liked what she saw, moved a little too fast. Obviously not fast enough to keep her awake, but moved a little too fast, but like what she saw, but again, can't render a fair judgment because she was in and out of consciousness.

5:26 Drew But on a Corolla scale, that's off the chart. I mean to acknowledge, A, to acknowledge it was your show, B, to spend the three minutes without sleeping, watching and to give it a positive butt review.

5:39 Adam Well, positive butt, too fast, but again, but here's what it was. Here's what it was.

5:44 Drew Oh, breathtaking.

5:44 Adam Yeah, but you know what it's like? It was like, had a good batting average, but didn't have enough times at bat to actually have it go down as a year.

5:53 Drew Oh, I see.

5:54 Adam A season. Her thing was like, she'll find the parts I liked. I saw the stuff I saw moved a little fast, but I liked it, but I didn't see enough to really render a full decision.

6:03 Drew So it really wasn't a positive.

6:04 Adam In and out, in and out. I like that part. Couldn't just fall asleep. Got to come back and then go back down again. And it's a cassette.

6:14 It's a cassette.

6:15 Adam It's a cassette and her TV is at the foot of her bed sitting on top of the VCR. And it's not like my grandmother gets up at 6am and she's over she's over at the firing range and then it's off to the YWCA and then it's off to do some bass jumping over at Monument Vowels.

6:33 Drew She's 94.

6:33 Adam But she's at home. She sits at home all goddamn day. Does not leave the house.

6:37 Drew But she does not disappoint.

6:40 Adam No.

6:40 Drew She does not disappoint. She has never disappointed.

6:43 Adam And this is not disappoint.

6:44 Drew Even more sort of more creative and advanced. I'll tell you. This is a follow through this time.

6:50 Adam Yeah.

6:50 Drew Rich, robust.

6:52 Adam In and out.

6:52 Drew In your face.

6:53 Adam Hating in and out.

6:54 Drew Oh my goodness. Yeah. I'll answer mom. Mom got the tables.

6:58 Adam I showed up at three in the afternoon on a Saturday.

7:02 Drew To discuss it.

7:03 Adam Could have thrown it and thing at two. And no, not gonna do that. In and out. Jury's still out. You know what I mean? That's the first one. She'll never get. Oh, oh, listen, if you can't, if we're on a, you know, it's gonna take you four or five weeks to get through the first episode. Yeah. I mean, you're not your woman of advanced stage. You're not gonna make it.

7:25 Drew She's announcing that just so you'll get disappointed.

7:27 Adam Not gonna make it. Krista. Yeah. Yeah. The thing that's great about my family is I don't bring stuff up. Like I don't go, Hey, what you think? You know, I just bup bup, nothing. Everything's cool. No problems.

7:40 Drew So disappointing to bring it up.

7:42 Adam Yeah. Well, I never would. But if I crush it, but but I'll sit and then they'll bring it up.

7:45 Drew It's like just to see just because just so you play a different, different role in it, just go, what do you think? I'm so excited.

7:52 Adam I still get the in and out.

7:53 Drew But it'd be interesting just if you take a different tack, just to see what it does to them.

7:57 Adam Well, I might try that.

7:57 Drew Just be interesting.

7:59 Adam I still think you're fading in and out.

8:00 Drew Of course, you'll get some version of the same thing, but you may get some more intense. We got to put you down all the way.

8:06 Adam I was laughing like when you write a bad review of a movie or TV show, you say it's a snoozer, put me to sleep. Put this reviewer under. You know that. Krista?

8:17 Yeah, I'm here.

8:18 Adam One more time. No cable. Cassette. Cassette. Cassette. Could have watched it the next day. Cassette. No cable. Could have watched it to that day. Not like my mom came over at 1030 at night, dropped it off and said, I'll be needing it at dawn. That's just floating around. Doesn't need it back. OK. Yeah.

8:37 Drew Does not disappoint.

8:38 Adam Does not disappoint. Nobody disappoints. That's what you have to learn.

8:43 Drew Well, Corolla, Corolla's are sort of cornered at that mark.

8:45 Oh my God. My God.

8:48 Drew Krista, what's going on there?

8:49 Hey, I've been going out with the same guy who's the same age as me. I'm 27 for three years. And he is just kind of immature, kind of fights with my daughter who is six.

9:05 Drew What do you mean he fights? What does that mean? He fights with your daughter.

9:07 Well, okay, say we're laying all in the bed. I'm in the middle. She's on my left. He's on my right. And we're waking up. And she says, Mommy, hold on to me. She wants some attention. And I'm in Brian's arms. And then he's still holding on tightly as she knows that I'm going to, you know, cuddle with her. And so he kind of he doesn't want to let go. And he knows he needs to let go. Just silly things like that. And he just kind of always wants the attention. So it's always kind of a whole of. So I don't trust a cuddler. What's that?

9:43 Adam What size bed do you have?

9:45 What?

9:46 Adam What size?

9:46 What size?

9:48 It's a queen size.

9:49 Drew Oh, three of you on a queen.

9:51 No, she has her own bed next to mine, but she likes to crawl in there.

9:56 Drew Six years old, you can't get her your own room at six years of age?

10:01 Adam Well, and you live in one bedroom.

10:03 Drew She does.

10:04 Adam What's this guy?

10:05 Drew Whoa, whoa, whoa. She has her own room?

10:07 Yeah.

10:08 Drew Why isn't she in her room?

10:09 I'm not a Michael Jackson case, okay?

10:11 Drew Why isn't she in her own room?

10:14 Adam She is. She gets in the morning and crawls in. No, no.

10:15 Drew I said she's in the bed next to her.

10:17 Yeah, she has her own bed next to mine.

10:20 Drew And she has one in her own room?

10:22 No, no.

10:23 Drew Why doesn't she have her bed in... Hey, hey, listen.

10:26 We thought that.

10:27 It's not working yet.

10:28 Drew She's getting... Chris, that is bad parenting.

10:31 Adam It is.

10:31 Drew You understand?

10:31 Adam When do you start that?

10:32 Drew Right away.

10:33 Adam Well, it's right away.

10:36 Drew Six months?

10:37 Adam Six months.

10:37 Drew Yeah, a year.

10:38 Adam And they just stay in there?

10:39 Drew Yes. Teaching them... First of all, it doesn't give them a chance to individuate and to be able to master their environment. And every time you cave in to her needs to sort of be next to you and stuff, you're giving her the message that she can't handle it on her own. There's a very, very poor parenting style. Not to say you can't be around your kids, you can't let them in once in a while. You need to require her, a teacher, to build her own competency, her own independence.

11:04 Adam I think that's what my grandma was doing for me. I feel like that's what she wanted me to do. Symbolically, put my bed outside of her house.

11:11 Drew You need to make a little ritual out of taking that bed out of your room and giving her her own room, her own place. The boyfriend, I don't want to let him off the hook. His behavior is reprehensible, too. But both of them are doing the same damn thing. You're taking care of them both like they're infants. Neither of them are infants. You need to set limits with them. Of course, you're feeling like you're torn apart. You're treating them like they're eight months old. They're not. They're competent individuals whom you don't have to be responsible for every second of.

11:37 Adam Getting cathartic, buddy. Krista, what's your boyfriend do for a living?

11:42 He's an engineer. He's a civil engineer.

11:45 Adam Civil engineer.

11:46 Drew Is there another name for that?

11:47 Adam No, that's civil engineer.

11:49 Drew I'm wondering what euphemistically that's going to be.

11:52 Adam If you're going to be a civil engineer, you have to have a degree in engineering, right?

11:55 He's from Waterloo.

11:58 Drew Waterloo, Iowa or France?

12:01 Waterloo, University of Canada. Wow.

12:06 Drew All right, well listen, everybody needs to grow up in that house, all right? It's time. Everybody has their own space, their own, you're not responsible for each other's feelings 24-7.

12:14 Adam Yeah, I always get the heebie-jeebies when I hear about those clingy guys.

12:18 Drew Yeah, but she's doing the same thing with the guy that she's doing with the daughter. Yeah. He's creating these clingy, poorly-boundary relationships.

12:29 Adam I would venture to say that most guys are not set up to have relationships or to act, behave correctly in a relationship. They're shortcomings.

12:43 Drew Young guys.

12:45 Adam Young guys. Well, even all guys. Hey, here's sort of what I think about guys. I think guys need to be sort of trained. I know it sounds trying.

12:56 Drew No, no. Listen. There's a guy named Lionel Tiger, who's a biological anthropologist. His point has been-

13:00 Adam Lionel Tiger?

13:01 Drew Lionel Tiger. He mentioned that name three times before, and each time, you've had the same response at Rutgers University. He has said, throughout human history, women have tamed men to bring men in to-

13:14 Adam Did he actually use the term tamed? He's got some sort of feline obsession in this guy.

13:20 Drew It just comes from his name.

13:21 Adam Yeah, well, of course. And guys will. I mean, if you told most guys, look, if you want to keep your old girlfriend and have sex with her, you know, when she was cool with it and you didn't want to, you know, you just wanted to work and then come home, be kind of left alone, and you wanted to just, you wanted to masturbate while I danced around naked and then go see one of your old girlfriends again and it was cool.

13:44 Drew Whatever is cool. That's whatever.

13:45 Adam If you did that, guys would start sort of spinning out.

13:48 Drew Drifting in that direction.

13:50 Adam Yeah.

13:50 Drew A lot of guys. All guys?

13:52 Adam No, not I.

13:53 Drew Most guys.

13:54 Adam Most straight guys, unfortunately, but I would say a fair percentage of guys need to be sort of brought in, taught the rules, and then there's a sort of military quality to it, which is, look, you're a little out of control. You weren't such a good student in high school. We're going to bring in. You got to get up at this time. You got to make your bed. You got to do some training. And don't worry, you'll be happier.

14:20 Drew Right.

14:21 Adam You're going to fight. You're going to struggle at the beginning.

14:22 Drew It's like the dog crapping on the carpet.

14:24 Adam Yeah, it's really no different than a dog in that a dog is probably happier when he has guidelines and rules and things like that, and when you just give them a run of the house, they end up chewing on themselves, which is their form of masturbation. You know what I'm saying?

14:40 Drew Just a euphemism for that.

14:41 Adam No, you know what I mean?

14:41 Drew Yeah, yeah.

14:42 Adam You get neurotic. Kids the same way.

14:44 Drew Yeah, kids limit the structure. Absolutely.

14:46 Adam And if she's letting her guy sort of go unchecked, then he'll just become another kid.

14:50 Drew Right.

14:51 Adam All right. Let's talk to Scott, who's 18. Scott?

14:55 Hey, guys.

14:56 Adam What's up?

14:58 All right. I've got with this hot girl at my work the past two nights, which is all fine and good, but she's engaged.

15:07 Adam Where do you work?

15:08 I work in a movie theater.

15:11 Adam What does she do?

15:13 She's my supervisor there.

15:14 Drew How old is she?

15:15 She's 18 as well.

15:18 Drew Why is she engaged at 18?

15:20 That's a good question. She's engaged to this 19 year old guy. I don't know a lot about him.

15:26 Adam You guys sell Goobers and Raisinettes over there?

15:29 Just Raisinettes.

15:31 Drew Come on. I can't talk to you.

15:32 Adam He's screwing with me. Hold on a second. Are you serious? Just Raisinettes?

15:38 Just Raisinettes.

15:39 Adam Okay, listen. I've had an ass full of this world. I just have. I've had an ass full of thick crust pizza. I've had an ass full of pepperoni thick crust pizza. I've had an ass full of trail mix. I've had an ass full of Sunny D. I've had an ass full of Raisinettes. I've had an ass full of Fiesta Mix. I've had an ass full of all the stuff that people pass off as good and they suck. I really believe, as a smart person, I'm being punished from a culinary standpoint. I realize that. I realize that there's piles of trail mix. Does anyone really like trail mix? I mean, here's the thing about trail mix. You could pull out the smoked almonds and the peanuts or you could pull out the M&Ms and go, I'd rather have this.

16:21 Drew Yes, that's true.

16:22 Adam I don't need it cut with the sunflower seeds and the little mini pretzels and stuff. Just give me the good part of the stuff. I don't need it stepped on with the baby laxative. The same is like, I'm going to order 10 pizzas, five pepperoni, five cheese. No sausage and onion, no olive, no mushroom. What kind of society are we living in now? Here's the deal, everybody. Raisinettes are okay. Not great, just okay. They'll do in a panche. If you're good in stone, you'll eat some raisinettes. Goobers are peanuts that have chocolate on them and are far superior.

16:59 Drew By the way, an even superior product is a chocolate-covered almond, but instead they give us candy-coated almonds.

17:05 Adam No, they can't crack your teeth. They're pink. They look like they're body-crapped. I'm just saying, here's what I'd like to do. I would like to just go, look, I'm taking a vote on this stuff. I have a sneaky suspicion that nobody likes Fiesta Mix and we just get it. Nobody likes Trail Mix. We just get it. And let me say this too while I'm at it. You know the people that have to argue with you with everything when you're trying to make a point? You know, these are the people that won't let these ideas ever get off the ground. I just would like to say, look, I don't think anyone likes Trail Mix. I think they like some of the components of Trail Mix. They'd rather have a handful of smoked almonds. They'd rather have a handful of like bark and carob balls and, you know, sunflower seeds and raw almonds. I don't even know. My mouth doesn't know what to make of it.

18:01 Drew It was something cool in the 70s and it just stuck around.

18:03 Adam It is a snacking equivalent of the booze catch trade, a bar. Like a bunch of stuff. We made margaritas. We made Tom Collins. We made everything. Some red wine. We just dump it all into your mouth. See if you can figure it out. No. I don't want that. Here's what I'm saying. People argue with you though. They're like, I like trail. I know. Shut up.

18:24 Drew Stop arguing. People are a little bit robotic. Yes. They're stupid too. Things that they've never really thought of and have sort of enjoyed in some way, they'll defend.

18:36 Adam I know. And they defend it.

18:37 Drew Here's what they defend. They're 33,000 feet thirsty and hungry and Southwest hands you some crap.

18:42 Adam I like the fiesta, Mo. Shut up. You're an imbecile.

18:46 Drew Not imbecile. You're just not thinking. No.

18:47 Adam I'm going to call you stupid if you like.

18:49 Drew If you take the same people and you do the taste tests, you know what's going to happen.

18:52 Adam Here's what trail mix. Here's what the fiesta mix sounds like. It's like somebody took a bag of pretzels, punched it, and then put some taco seasoning in it, shook it up, and then dumped a whole bunch of salt in there and one peanut, shoved it in your mouth.

19:06 Drew Had some checks.

19:07 Adam Sucks. But here's what I'm saying. First off, here's the person I want to punch in the stomach. You know when you're complaining about something, you're like, what do we need the stickers on the tomatoes for? What do we need that sticker on it? Well, that's the way they used it. Okay. But I'm just saying, how do we get along all those years without the sticker? Well, they put the sticker on there. Oh, okay. Okay. And then like, but your third go around, the person's like, you know, the sticker's edible. They make the glue, the glues out. And at a certain point, you're like, hold on a second. Do you work for the goddamn tomato growers commission? Are you a part of some tomato growers lobby or something? They're like, no. Then shut up.

19:45 Drew I'm with you.

19:45 Adam Shut the F up. Stop arguing with me.

19:49 Drew Why are you just to argue?

19:50 Adam Right?

19:51 Drew No for no's sake.

19:52 Adam Okay. So let me ask you this. You want more stickers on the tomato?

19:55 Drew Cover with stickers.

19:56 Adam Don't we cover with stickers, you effing retard? What? You have some vested interest in tomatoes and stickers? Cause your dad runs a decal factory or he makes the, he makes the water-based adhesive that is used to fix the sticker to the, what are, what do you got?

20:15 Then shut up.

20:17 Adam So that's the first thing. Stop arguing.

20:19 Yeah.

20:21 Adam The sticker on the tomato is a nuisance. Let's get rid of it. Please stop arguing. Trail mix sucks. Thick crust pizza. Oh yeah. And then here's the other one too. Somebody drops off five thick crust pizzas from Domino's and you're like, this stuff sucks. It's doughy. This is what kids like. Just big, just big, big piles of carbs. You know, just bready carbs. And they're like, well, Geno's East in Chicago.

20:46 Caller How come we're not there?

20:48 Adam We're not at Geno's East in Chicago. Well, they make they make an exquisite thick crust. I know, but that's not the only one. Yeah. Yes, that is good. Yes. Yes.

20:59 Drew That one.

20:59 Adam I grant you that. I grant you that. What is that gene where people have to point out?

21:03 Drew I know. What's the same one that gets to Geno's East?

21:06 Adam It's the one that that the cross.

21:07 Drew That's the a-holes get by with this crap.

21:09 Adam Oh, my God.

21:10 Drew That's the gene.

21:10 Adam I just have to keep yelling. I just get violently angry. Just shut up and stop defending this crap. This thick crust sucks. It's the same people with the cake. You're at the stupid birthday party. They got that sheet cake with the white frosting. And you're like, oh, man, this stuff blows. What am I? Eleven? I don't like that. And they're like, well, you know, they make a great. And if you go to the Jewish history, you go to Fairfax and you go to Benesh, the bakery, and they pay thirty six fifty. They have a German chocolate Dutch almond cake. That's yeah.

21:41 This isn't it.

21:42 Adam So shut up. What is that person?

21:46 Drew I don't know.

21:46 Adam Like they don't think that, you know, I said, there's good cake out there. Yes.

21:50 Drew I know the Red Sox fans, the same guy.

21:52 Adam Just yeah, that that's the other thing. I don't know why that's brought up, brought this one up, too. But I was just yapping about this today. I don't like the helmets being covered with the pine tar. So it obscures, you know, the guy plays for the angels and the whole kids to look at that going, why do they do this? Right, right. But here's my point. This is this guy again. I'm like, look, I don't like the pine tar smeared all over the top of the top of the helmet. You can't even see what team they're on. They reach out to the team. They use the pine tar so they can hang. No, Ash Sherlock. I know what pine tar is used for. I'm not complaining about that. And what is the part where you just play the contrarian every effing time? Here's the deal, everybody. Sunny D tastes like ass compared to orange juice. Mountain Dew tastes like ass compared to ass even, actually. Thick crust pizza is not as good as thin crust pizza. Pepperoni not as good as sausage and onion. And Raisinettes nowhere near as good as Goobers. That's it. But we live in a life filled with fiesta mix and Raisinettes and thick crust pizza. And if you're smart, you just get pounded. Because everything's made for stupid people.

23:05 Drew Well, it's not as smart as aware.

23:07 Adam Aware.

23:07 Drew You're alive. You're awake.

23:08 Adam And I just realized, like, we have a choice, everybody. Let's not do it. Don't buy it.

23:15 Drew They're not giving you the choice.

23:15 Adam People, stop buying trail mix and stop buying the Raisinettes and stop arguing with me. Goobers are 100 times better in Raisinettes. End of discussion.

23:24 Drew So anyway, Scott, we'll be back to you in a few minutes. We'll be back to you in a while.

23:29 Adam I'm telling you, the reason they have... Well, because I realize that 60% of the crap I put in my mouth, I don't even like. I'm just stuck on an airplane or I'm a slave to the vending machine up the street, up the hall here, which doesn't have the peanut M&M's. It just has the regular ones.

23:46 Drew Doesn't have that anymore.

23:49 Adam Look, listen, instead of bending to the will of stupid people, and believe me, here's all it is. Here's all it is, everybody. Eight year olds like thick crust pepperoni pizza because they're eight. If you're 38 and you like thick crust pepperoni pizza, you're just stupid. That's all this. If you like the music you like when you're eight, if you like the fashion you like when you're eight, if you like the movies you like when you're eight or the books, you're just dumb. It's retarded, not retarded, retarded in your growth. You're supposed to like that when you're eight, when you get older.

24:29 Drew Arrested development.

24:30 Adam That's right, not the TV show. Please, all you idiots, stop ruining it for us food-wise. We can all stand up and get some peanuts on the plane and not that fiesta mix.

24:40 Drew But I'm allergic to peanuts.

24:42 Adam Then walk, jackass. All right. And you're not. If I thought you were, I believe you. Here's what you're allergic to. You got molested when you're eight. Now the world becomes, becomes your, yeah, you get to victimize the world. It's awesome.

24:58 Drew All right.

24:58 All right.

24:59 Adam Take a quick break. Right back after this.

25:03 You have five seconds.

25:04 Drew Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Back in a minute.

25:28 Adam Yeah, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Nets, Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191-ER. All right, where were we? We talked to Scott.

25:38 Drew I finished with Scott in his theater movie.

25:41 Adam Raisinets. No goobers, but raisinets.

25:43 Drew We'll get past that now.

25:45 Adam It's because raisinets is a good name, and goobers is a horrible name, and that's why people have raisinets and not goobers.

25:50 Drew We just call them chocolate-covered peanuts.

25:52 Caller Well, they don't even call them raisinets anymore.

25:54 Adam Why do they call them?

25:55 Caller They're just sun-made raisins, chocolate-covered.

26:00 Adam Oh, well, that's chocolate-covered raisins.

26:02 Drew It's riding on the coattails of raisinets.

26:04 Adam But there's still something called raisinets.

26:07 Drew It's not a his theater.

26:09 Adam Okay.

26:09 Drew Anyway, what's up there? You've hooked up with this girl that's 19 and is engaged. Why is she engaged so young? You don't know?

26:17 Caller She said she thought she couldn't get anyone better.

26:21 Adam You guys have those candy almonds or the chocolate almonds?

26:26 Caller I don't think we have almonds.

26:28 Drew It's Wisconsin.

26:29 Adam We could not do business.

26:30 Drew But they have mayonnaise covered French fries though.

26:34 Adam That's like, you go in there in Wisconsin, you get a casserole. What do you want? You want the individual size of the family size casserole? You want the tuna and the macaroni or just macaroni and mayo casserole? Cheese melted on, simulated cheese melted on top? I could really say, I bet they would serve casserole. Scott, we went to Wisconsin, we got a casserole, right?

26:55 Drew Really, the wild casserole was University of Iowa.

26:58 Adam Oh, Iowa, right. Scott?

27:00 Caller Yeah.

27:01 Adam Alright, do you guys serve casserole at the movie theater?

27:03 Caller No, we do not.

27:05 Adam Okay. Alright, so she's chaotic. Are you, are you, what?

27:12 Caller How is she chaotic?

27:14 Drew Well, the fact that she would carry on like this when she's engaged to somebody else, that's a very, you know, women, women are known to have sort of a final fling before they get married. It's sort of a common thing.

27:24 Adam It's a bogus quality.

27:25 Drew There's a definite bogus quality, absolutely.

27:28 Adam I don't know if it's, I just, Scott doesn't care, or he's bogus, or he doesn't really have a question.

27:33 Caller Right. No, my question is, you know, I mean, it's been great. I don't think she should be getting married to this guy. Should I continue to, should I try to cut it off, or should I, what should I do?

27:45 Drew That's not a question. That's a non-question, Scott. Yeah. What should I do?

27:50 Caller What should I do? I mean, can I continue to be getting with her?

27:53 Drew That's not a question.

27:54 He wants to know if she should feel bad or not.

27:56 I know exactly what he's saying.

27:57 Drew What do you mean, what that's ask if you should feel bad? You have to ask if you should feel bad when you're-

28:01 Moralistically, should he not interfere with this relationship if she does not believe him?

28:05 Adam Well, look, if you feel bad, you feel bad.

28:07 Drew Yeah, what are you saying? We can't tell somebody they should or shouldn't feel bad.

28:10 Caller Moralistically, should he interfere with his relationship if she doesn't believe him?

28:13 Adam Well, obviously, you shouldn't be banging somebody who's engaged or married. That's kind of a no-brainer.

28:18 Drew That's an obvious, not a question. You're doing something that's destructive to a relationship. Of course, most people would feel bad about that.

28:25 Caller I do. I'm not banging her. I'm just making out with her.

28:30 Adam All right. Are you in love with her?

28:33 Caller No.

28:34 Adam Well, then knock it off. Look, if you're not that interested, yeah, then knock it off.

28:40 Drew Very simple.

28:41 Adam Especially just hooking up, just making out, using the line.

28:45 Drew Couldn't find anybody better. What 19 year old says that?

28:48 Adam Nobody says that. And I think she was 18.

28:53 Drew No, she's 19, he's 18.

28:54 Adam No, I think she said she was 18 too. Oh, am I nuts, Scott?

28:59 Caller She's 18, I'm 18, her fiance is 19.

29:03 Adam Okay, there you go. Let's talk to-

29:06 Drew Right before he drops an F-bomb.

29:07 Adam Sarah. Yeah.

29:09 Caller Hey.

29:10 Drew Hey there.

29:10 Adam 22?

29:11 Caller Yeah.

29:12 Adam What's up?

29:13 Caller Good. I had a question for Dr. Drew. I haven't had a sex drive in a really long time and I was on birth control and I recently was diagnosed with panic disorder so I've been taking Paxil and I stopped taking the birth control because I have no sex drive whatsoever and it's really frustrating me and I was wondering if there's anything I could do or take to get my sex drive going back because the Paxil really has affected it more. I can't even orgasm now with anything.

29:42 I've tried.

29:44 Drew What birth control pill were you on?

29:46 Caller Loveline 28, I believe.

29:48 Drew And when did you stop?

29:50 Caller I just stopped like a week ago and before that I was on the depot shot and I stopped that. I was on that for like a year and a half.

29:57 Drew That'll shut you down, right?

29:58 Yeah, that's what I figured.

30:00 Drew Yeah, and then how long were you on Loveline?

30:01 I'm sorry.

30:03 Caller Probably, I'd say like three months.

30:05 Drew Was it Loveline or Tri-Leveline?

30:08 Caller I think it was just Loveline, like L-E-V-L-I-N.

30:11 Drew Okay. Well, the birth control pill can definitely affect your sex drive. As we've said, the progesterone, the depo shock can absolutely shut you down. And sometimes it can take six months or so to come back. And some women, the triphasic pill will bring it back. Some not, some the estrogen-based pill will, some not. You have to kind of mess around with it if you're going to stay on the pill. Probably the best thing to do is just to come off until your sex drive returns. But now in your case, you've then added in Paxil, which as you found shuts orgasmic function off and shuts sex drive down even further. The only thing you can do with the Paxil is to add something called Wellbutrin or switch to Remeron or Serizone. And given that you're lexapro sometimes.

30:51 Adam Wellbutrin you don't use alone, you add it.

30:54 Drew Well, you can either use alone or add it. Adding it doesn't do that much. It's usually switching to it. That's the better thing. But there are three that don't affect sex drive and orgasm. It's Wellbutrin, Remeron, and Serizone, and sometimes Lexapro. So given that panics what they're trying to treat with you, Lexapro would be probably the best choice amongst those to see if that still has the same effect on your sex drive and orgasmic function.

31:15 Adam Let's play a little Germany or Florida with Dan.

31:18 Hey, how's it going, guys?

31:19 Adam What's happening, Dan? 26.

31:21 That's right, Germany or Florida. Things got very ugly at a pharmacy when police said one employee stabbed a coworker over who could microwave her soup first. Both women wanted to use the microwave in the break room. While they were fighting over who could use the microwave, one employee grabbed a large kitchen knife off the counter and stabbed the other in the abdomen. The two women then wrestled for the knife, each cutting their hands before the store manager could stop the fight. They didn't get along well with who could use the microwave first became a major issue, according to police. The victim, who was 20, was hospitalized and in good condition. The attacker is 23 and faces charges after being treated at a hospital for her wounds. Germany or Florida?

32:03 Adam Feels like Florida.

32:03 It feels like Florida.

32:04 Drew I don't have any German 20-year-olds that can behave like that. On the other hand, Dan sounds a little bit shifty, like he might be trying to put, suck us into one here.

32:13 Adam Drew, what does it say about you that you're constantly thinking, second guessing things.

32:16 Attempting to be duped by our callers.

32:18 Adam Well, I'm going with Florida.

32:19 Drew I'm going with Florida, and nonetheless, but I just don't, I can't imagine German behaving like this. In Florida, it's easy. That's why it's too easy. That's what it is.

32:28 Adam I can't imagine a Floridian actually having enough education to be a pharmacist. These must have been just secretaries or whatever.

32:35 Drew Yeah, sock on the shelf.

32:37 Adam Yeah, that makes sense. So I am going with Florida as well. We're going Florida, Dan.

32:42 You guys are geniuses, Florida.

32:44 Adam Yeah.

32:45 Thank you. Well done, Dan.

32:46 Adam Yeah. Thanks, buddy.

32:47 Thank you.

32:48 Adam Good times. All right. You know, I've been sort of a contrarian in going the other way just to make it interesting, but that really felt Florida.

32:57 Drew It's so much Florida. It was almost too much.

33:00 Adam Yeah.

33:00 Drew But there we go.

33:01 Adam Yeah. Let me say this, I like to standardize a few things in this country.

33:06 Drew Such as?

33:08 Adam Well, we were talking about food earlier.

33:10 Drew Oh yeah, we were. It's yesterday, actually.

33:13 Adam I don't count that as food.

33:15 Drew That's what I'm saying. You got to specify.

33:17 Adam I'll tell you, I have fantasies about going to companies and going to United Airlines or Southwest or Northwest or whoever held dishes out that fiesta mix and just standing on the boardroom table and throwing it at people and screaming at them and just ranting and raving. I have these fantasies where I go to these companies and I just start screaming at them about what horrible monica is doing.

33:45 Drew Just scream fiesta mix.

33:46 Adam Yeah, it's my rambling call. I would like some uniformity. I ordered some vegetable soup from some takeout places doing some voiceover.

33:58 Drew You never know what you're going to get for that vegetable soup. It could be like...

34:03 Adam Clear broth with the mini corn cobs floating around in it.

34:07 Drew Really bland and like a little bit of diced cucumber.

34:10 Adam Yeah, and to me, it's like I tell you, every time I go to that diner that's at the Hard Rock Cafe in Vegas, I get burned. You know, I got that diner 24-7 or Lucky 7 or whatever it is. I always go in there. I'm always half in the bag. It's three in the morning. I sit down with Jimmy and a whole bunch of guys. I know. You open the thing and there it is. VEVOS Rancheros and every time I get burned I'm like yeah buddy. Oh, that's going to be awesome because I'm drunk. We've been out gambling, the strip clubs. This is going to have the cheese and the eggs. It's going to be melting with the beans and the tortillas. And you know what? You don't VEVOS Rancheros, that greasy Mexican whatever you're thinking about. Three in the morning, got a couple of drinks in you. Oh, that's going to be awesome. Every time then what shows up is a breakfast burrito. Scrambled eggs put inside of whatever. I always eat it, but it's always like, oh no, that's not the breakfast burrito. That's a breakfast burrito. And they're like, yeah, this is how we do it. And I'm like, okay, see, it's very dangerous when you start doing that.

35:15 Drew Oh, and they say that to you especially. That's what's dangerous.

35:18 Adam That's not VEVOS Rancheros. And by the way, at this point, why don't you spring out a tuna melt?

35:23 Drew Yeah, that's how we do it.

35:24 Adam That's what we do.

35:25 Drew That's our VEVOS Rancheros.

35:26 Adam But that's a tuna melt. Yeah, we call it VEVOS Rancheros. Why don't you just drag out a trash can filled with fecal matter and go, this is what we call, this is it. This is it. This is what we call VEVOS Rancheros. Yeah, these Lula kebabs, this is what we call VEVOS Rancheros. You know what I'm saying? You can't do it. And I realize that because there's no uniformity in this town and anywhere when it comes to food, you just start getting stuff. So I'm like, I want some vegetables, some picture in the red broth with the chunks of vegetables and stuff.

35:59 Drew It could be gazpacho, it could be anything.

36:01 Adam Nowhere close. Nowhere close.

36:02 Drew It's just water.

36:03 Adam That's what it was.

36:04 Drew A couple of corns floating around.

36:06 Adam Hot broth, hot broth. And then proceeded to get in the argument with the person who was the contrarian who was standing next to me. I did that. Does this look like veg? It's not what you picture when you think, I don't know, it's vegetables in it. Yeah, I know. But when you think vegetable soup, you don't picture clear broth with a small corn cob and pea pods floating. Well, you know, it's OK. Listen, if you open a can of Campbell's vegetable soup, does it is just a corn cob in there with some clear broth? Well, my mother made soup from scratch. OK, but surely you've seen a can of Campbell's vegetable. No, I'm telling my mother was very old. OK, now I'm I'm livid. Before I was angry about the soup. Now I want to kill you because you're arguing with me about this. You can't even go with me on the vegetable soup. Not going to go that. Never seen it. Forty year old woman. Never seen it. Your mom made soup. OK, doesn't doesn't mean you've ever been in the supermarket before. When you're in college, your roommate open a can. Nothing. No.

37:04 Drew OK.

37:04 Adam What is that, Drew? What is that?

37:09 Drew Well, I'm just thinking about me and metal versus plastic on my teeth. And what happens when you start going at somebody when they've made a commitment?

37:18 Adam I know, but don't make the commitment to vegetable soup.

37:21 Drew You got to realize once once they've made a move, that's it. They're there to stake their territory.

37:25 Adam Be more flexible, everybody. It's not a game show. Here's the deal. We're not standing on a log over over a tank of water with Pataka bats and hockey masks on. We're just we're trying to have some discourse here. I'm looking for some common ground. I'm trying to make a point. I'm not yelling at you. It's not attack. I'm just saying, you know, when you see I'm actually trying to help you along. Right. Let me see this. You don't think a vegetable soup, do you? No, no. Yes, I do. Yes, I do.

37:51 Drew Yes, I mean, I'm in now.

37:53 Adam You've opened a can of Campbell soup. Have you seen the Campbell's vegetable? No, I have not. No, I have not. OK, so now we got it. Now it's on. Now it's on.

38:04 Drew Yeah, but it's on your both ends. And then there that's it. It's on. That's the point.

38:08 Adam I just refuse that. I refuse to believe that a four year old woman has never seen a can of Campbell's vegetable soup.

38:14 Drew Who is arguing this with you?

38:14 Adam This is the director from the TLC show. Howell. Yeah, her mom made soup from scratch, but then made me more angry because I picked up my mom sitting around smoking pot.

38:22 Drew Let me interpret the whole scene for you. She's had an ass full of you.

38:25 Yes.

38:26 Drew It's over. It's off the road.

38:28 Adam That's very, you know what? That is exactly what it is. That's what I realized. People are arguing just to argue because they hate me now. All right. Let's take a break.

38:41 Drew No, come on. Not on that note.

38:43 Adam Brian?

38:45 Caller Hello?

38:46 Adam 16?

38:47 Yup.

38:48 Drew What's up, Brian?

38:49 Adam You smoked out and felt like you had a seizure.

38:52 Caller Well, yeah. I was actually looking on the internet today and I saw that smoking marijuana, if you have epilepsy, it can cause a minor seizure.

39:04 Drew Well, not even minor. And even without known epilepsy, it may predispose to seizure. But what happened?

39:11 Caller Well, I was smoking marijuana with a few buds. And we were sitting down and I kind of just like gazed off into the distance, like daydreamed or whatever. And I saw these sparks only for like one or two seconds. And I don't know.

39:29 Adam So he has epilepsy.

39:30 Drew No, he doesn't know that.

39:31 Adam He doesn't know that.

39:32 Drew You have seizure disorder?

39:34 Caller No, I don't have any history of epilepsy.

39:35 Drew So you saw the sparks. Tell me more. So you saw the sparks and then what happened?

39:38 Adam Could have been a seed blowing up. I've had that.

39:41 Caller Well, I mean, that was about it. I mean.

39:43 Drew That's it?

39:45 Caller Well, I kind of felt like my head was like kind of rocking back and forth a little bit for only like two seconds, I'd say.

39:51 Adam I bet it's.

39:52 Drew You're on drugs.

39:53 Adam Pot's good these days. You get high.

39:55 Drew Who knows what that did to you? Maybe, a pot has hallucinogenic properties and it might have induced a little hallucinogenic.

40:01 Adam I'm telling you, today's weed is not your dad's weed.

40:04 Drew No, not at all.

40:05 Adam It is sticky and hairy and it's got a little orange pubes growing off it. Purple pubes. It will jack your ass up.

40:12 Drew It may have been a seizure. It's an interesting thought and something about you describing is consistent with what we call partial complex seizures.

40:21 Adam I think he has lightweight syndrome. Good.

40:24 Drew Stay away from the weed.

40:25 Adam Not for you. Start drinking. All right. We're doing coke or whatever. I don't want to tell you what to do. Let's take a quick break. Be right back after this.

40:34 Caller Hello. This is your radio. Love Line will be right back.

40:59 Adam Yeah, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191-ER. Let's hop back to the phones. Speak to Kevin. Kevin.

41:13 Caller Hello.

41:14 Adam 25. What's up?

41:16 Caller Hey, guys. First off, I just want to say I've been listening to you guys for years, and you guys are absolutely awesome. You've done so much for me and just everyone else. You guys are great.

41:24 Adam Thank you.

41:25 Caller Cool. Basically, I'm a single guy out playing the field right now, and in the past few months or so, when bring a girl home, take her into the bedroom, and I'm ready to go. It's go time, but then the man downstairs, he's ready to go too, but then you get through a little bit of foreplay, whatever else, go grab the condom. By the time I'm back with the condom, he's not so ready at that point. And then, so that's problem number one. The second problem I'd say once I finally do get them up, maybe with their assistance or something, it's not exactly the longest experience as well. So, problem one, getting them ready to go.

42:10 Adam Right, we got it.

42:11 Caller Keep them going.

42:12 Adam Well, here's the thing. I got a couple things to say. First off, Drew, don't you sort of feel like your relationship, your relationship with your penis is sort of like an athlete that's been in the league for a few years as you get older as opposed to a rookie, which is when you're a rookie, you had the legs, you had the strength.

42:34 Drew You had to have to impress.

42:35 Adam You had the speed and all that, but yet you didn't have the savvy.

42:39 Drew Right, the nuance.

42:40 Adam You didn't have the technique, you didn't have the nuance. And then later on in your career, and this is your relationship with your penis, you may have lost a step, but you've made up for it in experience, being able to read the defense, having the techniques down, and things like that. And so you're actually a better player than you were your first or second year in the league, even though you lost a step.

43:01 Drew You aren't dropping any passes that are sent right to your gut. You're not dropping.

43:06 Adam That's right.

43:07 Drew They're all going to be fine.

43:08 Adam That's right. You're not going to make any more circus catches those days, but you missed are consistent.

43:11 Drew But you're right in position to get those passes that are right to your chest.

43:14 Adam Third down, move the sticks. That's right. Third and four, you're the go-to man. That's right. I feel like that's a relationship I've had in my penis. The technique, I've taken over the technique. But again.

43:25 Drew And then you just passed the baton on to some other guy lately.

43:27 Adam Lost a step. Lost a step or two.

43:29 Drew Right.

43:29 Adam Now I'm riding the pine.

43:31 Drew Yeah. I'm just saying.

43:31 Adam I'm just playing the specialty team. I just kick off returns all in play.

43:35 Drew It's somebody else's penis now.

43:36 Adam Right.

43:37 Drew But Kevin, let me talk to Kevin.

43:38 Adam And he goes too quick.

43:39 Drew Well, I got a definite vibe on Kevin.

43:42 Adam I think he needs a relationship.

43:45 Drew But I feel something a little more going on here. All right.

43:47 Adam Let me say one more thing. It's all well and good to be one of these guys that tries to bed a multitude of women and bring different... But look, some guys aren't really cut out for it. And if you ain't cut out for it, don't do it. It's not really going to work out.

44:00 Drew Now, why do you say that in relation to Kevin?

44:02 Adam Well, any guy who has difficulty keeping the wood and then when he gets it, it goes off too quick. This may not be that guy.

44:11 Drew Yeah. And I actually hear something, too. Kevin, you sound sort of, for lack of a better word, deeply alone.

44:20 Caller Well, I mean, to be honest with you, I mean, I just got out of a kind of long relationship about a year ago or so.

44:27 Drew And you've gotten over that yet?

44:29 Caller Yeah, I think I am. I mean, I'm enjoying the single life for what it's worth. You know, having fun meeting new people and stuff.

44:37 Drew It sounds like it's fun and it's interesting, but you may want to get focused on something a little more meaningful.

44:45 Adam Who broke up with who in your long relationship?

44:48 Caller Well, it was kind of a college romance.

44:53 Drew She broke up with him. I mean, yeah.

44:55 Caller I mean, I was the one who officially ended it, you know, I discovered this.

44:58 Drew Because she was banging her body.

45:00 Caller No, please, come on.

45:01 Drew All right.

45:02 Adam Yeah, yeah. All right. So, Kevin, here's the whole thing. You know, you're not on medication and you don't...

45:09 Drew I get the definite vibe that he likes people, he likes him, but he is really alone. And when he goes into battle feeling so disconnected, it's all just not not sinking up. Right. And he really... Why don't you focus on getting a relationship? I mean, don't focus on smacking down on a bunch of women. Yeah, I know. That's what I said. All right. I said, yes, when you said that. But he sounds really, I mean, deeper than I think he realizes. He feels empty and alone. And you gotta kind of deal with that.

45:34 Adam Well, here's the thing too. People should pay us or even just Drew because, you know, I'm literally a millionaire. So let's pay Drew just to call and you just call and we just give you a sentence. And the sentence is, I'm happy and I'm fulfilled. And one could be, I'm sad and morose or whatever. You have a couple of sentences. You just read them to Drew and Drew will tell you whether you're lonely or whether you're sad or whether you're empty or whether you've been abused.

46:05 Drew It's based on how we feel, how you make us feel.

46:07 Adam You could really just count from one to ten, just do a mic check. And Drew will tell you, here's what's going on. Based on, and you'd probably be right 80% of the time. Desi?

46:18 Caller Yes.

46:19 Adam 16?

46:20 Caller Yes.

46:21 Adam What's up?

46:23 Caller Well, I just got out of a relationship. It was going on for about three weeks, I think. A little more than that, maybe a month. And he took my virginity.

46:35 Drew Took it. Stole it.

46:36 Adam Stole the virginity, yeah.

46:37 Caller So, he breaks up with me, and we were having sex constantly, but he breaks up with me, and then he starts dating one of my best friends.

46:48 Adam Hold on, hold on. We gotta take a break, but this is good. We'll get you back on your heart. Sure. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back with Desi after this. Here, buddy, it's Love Line. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Let's get back and speak to young Desi. Poor Desi. 16 years of age. Went out with a guy for about three weeks or so.

47:42 Drew How old was the guy?

47:44 Caller He was 18.

47:45 Drew How old?

47:46 Caller 18.

47:47 Drew 18.

47:47 Adam Ooh. Took her virginity. Had a lot of sex and then started having sex with her friend?

47:54 Caller No, it was like, okay, I'm pretty sure that he wasn't cheating on me. But my friend came into town and about three days later he broke up with me. And within that three days we weren't having sex at all.

48:08 Drew Yeah, because he broke up with you. That's why you weren't having sex.

48:11 Caller Well, he broke up with me, you know, like three days after my friend got in.

48:16 Caller Hello?

48:17 Caller Hello?

48:18 Caller What? Does he?

48:21 Caller Yeah. Why didn't he? I didn't.

48:25 Caller Why did the phone ring?

48:26 Caller It didn't.

48:27 Caller Yeah, it did.

48:32 Caller Hello?

48:33 Drew There we go. What was that?

48:35 Caller I don't know.

48:36 Adam Who was that?

48:38 Caller On the other line?

48:40 Drew Yes.

48:41 Caller My friend Kyle, I don't know, he said the phone rang. I called him. I called him. I was like, listen to me on the radio because he was trying to call me during the break.

48:49 Caller Oh, okay.

48:51 Drew How was he able to break in on our phone line?

48:53 Caller Hi.

48:54 Drew All right.

48:55 Adam Kyle's got a lot of attitude.

48:57 Caller What's your question? Yeah.

49:02 Caller Okay.

49:03 Adam Is Kyle gay? What's up with Kyle?

49:06 Caller I don't know.

49:07 Drew I don't want to know. I want to know what the hell is going on with Desi. What's her question? There's no question yet.

49:12 Adam No. It doesn't have a question.

49:14 Drew What's your question?

49:16 Caller I just need to buy some getting over my ex-boyfriend.

49:21 Drew No.

49:22 Adam I don't know.

49:24 Drew It sounds bogus, Desi.

49:25 Adam Sounds bogus, Desi.

49:26 Drew But here's the deal. Every relationship will end like this. Yeah. You'll have sex, then you will break up, and then you won't, and then you or your boyfriend-

49:35 Adam Don't get pregnant and don't have sex so soon and it'll help you.

49:38 Drew Right. The guy's in a hole that he picked on your friend instead of showing you some respect and just ducking out with the head held low and shame like it should have.

49:49 Adam It's going to be weird 50 years from now there's a bunch of 70-year-old guys named Kyle. You know what I mean?

49:55 Drew Yes.

49:56 Adam Kyle.

49:57 Drew That's not a good 75-year-old name.

49:59 Adam We could have a president named Kyle. Think about that.

50:04 Drew No Kyle, no Todd.

50:06 Adam We could have a guy named Todd. It was president. We could have a guy named Kyle, named president. Eventually, one's going to break through. Yeah. Dylan. Got a president. President Dylan Jacobs. Dylan. We could have a president named Dylan. You know one of these idiots is going to break through. Wow.

50:27 Drew What happened?

50:27 Adam Kyle or Dylan or Jacob.

50:31 Drew How about Hillary? That's kind of a weird... Really abstract the name from the person.

50:35 Adam That's going to be awesome. Sam.

50:41 Oh yeah.

50:42 Adam 15.

50:43 Yep.

50:44 Adam What's up?

50:46 Yeah. Like last night I was with my girlfriend and I was fingering her and she said to stop because it hurt. And I asked her why. And she was I don't know. She just said it hurt. And then but she said it doesn't hurt when she doesn't. Like by herself.

51:05 Drew Yeah. There's not much you can do, Sam. The vagina is not an inside out penis.

51:11 Yeah.

51:12 Drew I know that's what you think.

51:12 Adam Powerful stuff, Drew.

51:14 Drew That's how young males approach the female genitalia. So it's just an inside out version of what they have.

51:19 Adam Yeah.

51:19 Drew It's a totally different piece of equipment. Totally.

51:23 Adam Yeah.

51:23 Drew And no two are the same. It's the other thing you've got to understand. Right? Or it's very hard to find two that are the same. And many don't like you to do that thing where you're pushing down there with your hand.

51:35 Adam You take it easy.

51:36 Caller Yeah.

51:37 Drew And all of them want you to do it very lightly for the most part.

51:42 Well, I was and...

51:43 Adam All right. Well, here's the thing, Drew. It's sort of like... I'm trying to think, but it's... In a way... I'm trying to think what the equivalent sort of thing is. It's like sort of like having... For a male, I guess it'd be like having your teeth cleaned or something. Like somebody's monkeying around in your mouth, and it can work out. You know, they can be gentle and they can do a nice job, but if they start getting rough, it's going to be uncomfortable in a hurry.

52:10 Drew Yeah.

52:11 Adam Like if they're like, look, you got about a half hour worth of teeth cleaning, but I got about 10 minutes here, so let's see if we can get through this. It's going to be an uncomfortable ride for you.

52:20 Drew Yeah.

52:20 Adam They're sort of poking and fiddling around.

52:22 Drew No, there are things that get uncomfortable.

52:26 Adam Yeah. I'm just saying, I think most 15-year-olds, most guys under the age of 20, maybe 25, are just a little too rambunctious.

52:43 Drew Well, they're anxious also for it to be like them. They know how they'd like things done to them and what it feels like for them and have difficulty translating that into a totally different system, the female system. And they've had their little limited experience and their thing is, well, what the last one liked, fill in the blank.

53:00 Adam The last one was faking it so you'd quit. Let's be honest. All right. Sam. Yeah. Just stay on the outside, buddy.

53:09 Drew Take it easy.

53:10 Adam Take it easy.

53:10 Drew Slow down.

53:11 All right. All right. Thank you.

53:14 Adam All right.

53:15 Drew Satisfied customer. Yeah. He's going to go forward.

53:20 Adam Yeah. Here's the other problem, too. Guys are going to get exposed to more and more porn. Porn is not a realistic depiction of how that works. Those chicks are coked up.

53:32 Drew Right.

53:32 Adam They've been shot up with a Novocaine.

53:35 Drew Or whatever.

53:37 Adam Yeah. They've been doused with a liquid cocaine in their genitalia. And the guys are just going at it. And then the chick's screaming.

53:45 Drew And she's faking it.

53:47 Adam She's faking it. But she's like, Oh, my God, she's loving this. And then that becomes your template.

53:53 Drew Right.

53:53 Adam There you go. All right. Here's here's how they like it.

53:56 Drew Yeah.

53:56 Adam Well, would you think anything differently if you'd just watch a ton of internet porn and you're 15 and now you're what else they got to go on confronted with your first vagina? Heavy, heavy. Yeah. That's why I'm going to have to talk to your boys. Sarah, will you?

54:15 Drew Yeah, I'll be great.

54:16 Adam Not now, but three months from now. Sarah.

54:19 Drew Yeah. Flying the airplanes. You promised that forever.

54:22 Adam 22.

54:23 Drew I decide to take them out.

54:25 Adam Take them out. Sarah.

54:26 Yeah.

54:27 Adam Let's just do it one more time. It's been a while. The the cat versus canine.

54:32 Drew Oh, it's a good idea.

54:33 Adam Feline.

54:33 Drew Yeah.

54:35 Adam Which is, women need to be treated sexually like you treat a cat, and men need to be treated sexually or would like to be treated sexually as you treat a dog.

54:47 Drew Not just any dog. Big old.

54:49 Adam Big old lamb.

54:50 Drew Yeah.

54:50 Adam Yeah. Not Paris Hilton's.

54:51 Drew No, not a Lapsa Opsa or something.

54:54 Adam Crazy rats. These people drag around with them everywhere. Little baskets like idiots. No, and by the way, that's just one more thing that they take that they sort of foist on on society. Like I have to now contend with your dog. Narcissistic bitch. Like believe the goddamn dog at home. I got a comment on it. I have to pet it. I have to love it, too. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. At the airport, in the plane, you know, this weird thing. Like I have to be into the crap you're into. And by the way, that Chihuahua, I'd like to back over that thing. Horrible. They're horrible animals. People act like dogs are just dogs. Oh, Lab, a Chihuahua, Husky, a Malamute. They're all the same. No, no, Chihuahuas are horrible. They're horrible. They're horrible. They're just horrible. I've never met one that didn't growl at everyone and snap at everyone and wasn't just a complete waste of time.

55:47 Move it along.

55:49 Adam Oh, Anderson has a Chihuahua.

55:51 Drew Oh, he does?

55:52 Adam I can't remember if he has one or he likes one or something.

55:54 Caller I'm very close to three Chihuahuas and they're all amazing.

55:56 Drew Oh, that's right.

55:57 Adam They're all horrible.

55:58 Caller Move it along.

55:58 Adam Horrible animals.

56:00 Drew All right, anyway, they're different.

56:02 Adam Okay, here's the point. You treat a woman like you treat a cat, which is, you don't go bounding after a cat.

56:08 Drew You approach slow.

56:09 Adam Slowly.

56:10 Drew And actually, let the cat come to you.

56:12 Adam That's the whole thing. That's why cats hate toddlers because toddlers run up and pounce on the cats. They start pulling on its tail and its ears and the cats always, they'll spend the entire visit with the toddler on top of the refrigerator.

56:22 Drew Yeah. Which is, by the way, like our buddy Sam, we just spoke to.

56:26 Adam That's right.

56:26 Drew That's where his girlfriend was headed for, on top of the refrigerator.

56:29 Adam Take it slow. Put your hand out. Cat comes by. Cat starts rubbing. Cat will provide its own pressure. It'll show you where to push. Cat will sort of start pushing this. You'll never see a cat pick its paw up and start rubbing its paw again. So if you start grabbing its paw, it doesn't like that. But it likes that sort of small, the back stuff and that rump stuff, and it'll just rub. They present. They present, and they'll start putting the pressure on. So your job is to try to apply equal pressure where they're putting the pressure. The next thing, when you're petting the cat, don't go against the grain on the first, slow, rhythmic. Don't be all over the map. Just lots of consistency.

57:13 Drew Yeah, just because the cat wants it right there doesn't mean you can now go start shaking down the cat.

57:16 Adam Right. You want to keep the cat on your lap. You want to keep the cat purring, nice and rhythmic, nice and slow.

57:22 Drew Circular motions.

57:23 Adam Yeah, like a hula dancer. La la la la la. As you do. Now, dog, we do throw the dog, spin it around, throw it on its back, start grabbing its belly, pulling the ears.

57:35 Drew Yeah, the more aggressive, the better.

57:36 Adam I'm gonna start. Yeah, they start going, I mean, they like it.

57:39 Drew Throw them down.

57:40 Adam That's right.

57:40 Drew Throw them on the belly.

57:41 Adam Rump. Cat, nice and rippin.

57:45 Drew You approach that pussy cat the way you approach that lab. Bad times.

57:50 Adam Bad times. Cat's freaked out, cat's running. And then by the way, the next time that cat sees you coming to the room.

57:56 Drew Taking off.

57:57 Adam Taking off. That's right.

57:58 Drew Taking notes, Rick.

58:01 Adam Sarah?

58:02 Caller Yes? 22? Yes.

58:04 Adam What's up?

58:06 Caller Well, at age 22, I think I have overactive bladder, which I think is something that only affects old people.

58:14 Drew What are your symptoms and how long you had them?

58:17 Caller Well, it started popping up shortly after I graduated high school, so I was about 18 at first. It was only occasional, like right when I was coming home, all of a sudden, well, one moment I wouldn't have to urinate at all. The very next moment, I would have to urinate very, very, very badly to a point that I wet my pants at age 18, at that time, a couple of times.

58:47 Drew When you lost your urine, did it empty your entire bladder, like a whole bunch came out, or just a little bit?

58:51 Caller Just a little bit.

58:53 Drew And this happened only twice?

58:55 Caller Oh, no. This happened occasionally.

58:58 Drew How about in the middle of the night? Do you get up in the middle of the night to pee?

59:03 I sleep block.

59:05 Drew You sleep block. All right. I'm cold. I'm cold.

59:07 I do.

59:08 Drew Yeah. Well, Sarah, you got all this-

59:09 Adam You don't know whether you get up in the middle of the night and urinate or not.

59:11 Drew Yeah. No, Sarah, these are-

59:12 Adam I'm cold... .awesome.

59:13 Drew All these crazy anxiety symptoms and stuff. So, overactive bladders, yes, there's really, overactive bladder is a neurogenic bladder, and that's not what you have. This is an anxiety symptom for you.

59:24 Adam I think I have that. I've been doing a lot of whizzing.

59:27 Caller It keeps getting worse, and now at this point, it's several times during the day.

59:33 Drew Well, here's how we know it's not overactive bladder, because you're not getting up three times a night to urinate.

59:37 Adam Well, doesn't-

59:38 Caller Really?

59:39 Adam Doesn't everyone- how many whizzes does the average guy take during the day? I mean, it depends on how much coffee you drink or soda or whatever.

59:46 Drew Three or four times a day, I imagine.

59:48 Adam Yeah. All right. Well, she says it's like two, three times a day.

59:52 Drew Yeah, but she has to go suddenly and she's afraid she's going to lose. But all that urgency and all that stuff is- Obviously, you've had your analyses done, right?

59:59 Caller Well, I went to Plan- I go to the Planned Parenthood every year.

1:00:03 Drew Planned Parenthood is not adequate for this, not at all.

1:00:06 Caller Well, I go for my yearly checkups so I can stay on birth control.

1:00:11 Drew Planned Parenthood is not adequate for these symptoms you're having.

1:00:18 Caller They ran a urinary test.

1:00:20 Adam Just get lost. Just go back to Planned Parenthood. Dr. Drew is trying to explain to you why Planned Parenthood isn't a good facility.

1:00:28 Drew She's just repeating, I go to Planned Parenthood, I go to Planned Parenthood.

1:00:31 Adam But what is the part where a medical physician is explaining to you some protocol and you're steamrolling them?

1:00:40 Drew Every patient, every day.

1:00:42 Adam That's the way it works. How about you let him finish his goddamn sentence? Maybe he possesses some knowledge and some training and she don't possess.

1:00:53 Drew People really confuse knowledge and experience and training. They're thinking, well, I looked it up on the internet and therefore that's everything you know, now I know. No, no, no. When you've seen these symptoms a thousand times in a thousand different contexts, it makes for a different understanding of these kinds of symptoms. And here's the deal, you need to see a urologist to begin with to make sure there's not a urological problem, which I doubt there is. And then I would certainly recommend a psychiatrist because the sleepwalk and the anxiety, the urgency, all that stuff really adds up to something of a psychiatric nature.

1:01:24 Adam I really I'm dumbfounded by the amount of people we say, no, no, just listen here. Oh, yeah, yes, yes, I know, playing Parenthood, but what you know, let's get anxiety stuff. But here's the thing. I didn't kick open your front door while you were watching the the Desperate Housewives and try to lay some crazy ideology out on you. So you start reading the watchtower to you while you're trying to watch Desperate Housewives. You called a radio show to speak to a physician about a specific problem you were having. You don't you don't want to listen. You don't want to let him say his piece. Now you're going to steamroll him. You're going to fill a bust every time he wants to talk to you about something.

1:02:08 Drew The other thing is people, the other thing in addition to that confusion about experience, training and knowledge, don't believe, because as a physician you can smell stuff walking in the room. You know exactly what's going on. You don't have to hear every detail about what's happened since these symptoms began or since you were born or whatever. You know what's going on. You can put the piece together very very quickly and people don't buy that. You don't understand. It's me. You got to listen. I got to tell you every detail.

1:02:32 Adam There's also a facet of this where the person is like look there's more to this Planned Parenthood story than you know because I went there and then I went back. Fine. Let the physician finish saying what he's saying and then you can alert him to this fact. You don't have to shove it up his ass while he's spitting out stuff.

1:02:53 Caller Just go call another physician.

1:02:54 Drew It really wouldn't matter what they did at Planned Parenthood because A. I know they don't have urologists on staff there so I know you haven't seen urologists and that's what you need. I also know they don't have psychiatrists so once the urological problem has been evaluated that's where you need to go next. I'm not saying a psychologist.

1:03:07 Adam I'm saying a psychiatrist. I'm doing a lot of whizzing myself.

1:03:10 Drew Oh yeah? But you have diabetes. Hmm?

1:03:13 Adam Maybe I have diabetes? How do I get that checked?

1:03:15 Drew Well, you got just a blood test. Very simple. You probably already had that. All these surgeries and stuff you've had. I'm sure they screened you for that. But you know, you have your medicine at night.

1:03:23 Adam I have my medicine.

1:03:24 Drew There's large volumes in that medicine.

1:03:26 Adam Yeah, but here's the thing, Drew. Please.

1:03:28 Drew And by the way, you're getting the age now when the prostate's getting big and may not be that you're whizzing a lot. You're just whizzing frequently.

1:03:33 Adam No, but here's the thing, Drew. I take their copious amounts of urine.

1:03:39 Drew Huge whizzes.

1:03:39 Adam I almost fill the sink. I mean, toilet.

1:03:41 Caller But every time.

1:03:43 Adam But you know what?

1:03:44 Drew Again, the volume, I bet, that's coming out is less than it used to be because the prostate kind of shrinks down around the urethra.

1:03:49 Adam I understand your hypotheses, but I mean, to me, it's sort of how long I'm standing where I'm standing.

1:03:56 Drew That's what I'm saying.

1:03:57 Adam And there's a fair amount coming out. I mean, I take, and I take a good one. I mean, I take a good one before I go to bed at night, drink a couple glasses of medicine before I turn in. But in terms of volume, it's not that much. Not that much. And then I take a good long whiz. And then I go to bed and, you know, five in the morning, get up, and I'll take a decent size whiz then. And then I'll, and then when I get up in the morning, you know, nine o'clock in the morning where I'm ready for another good whiz. And the volume doesn't seem to match whatever's gone in. You know what I'm saying?

1:04:28 Drew Let me just point out to you that you and I sit here and drink six cups of coffee, three glasses of water, coffee, yes, coffee, yes, and then wonder why you're all night.

1:04:38 Adam You're right. All right. Give me some salt tablets and some sand.

1:04:42 Drew That's what I'm saying.

1:04:43 Adam All right. Let's talk to, I like Tim over here.

1:04:46 Drew Let's talk to him. Tim's got it.

1:04:48 Adam Yeah, he's got what we call it. Tim?

1:04:50 Caller Hey, how you doing, guys?

1:04:52 Adam 27. What's up, my brother?

1:04:54 Caller Oh, man. This is like one of the highlights of my life, to be talking to you guys finally. Long, long, long, long, long time listener.

1:05:01 Adam Right back at you.

1:05:02 Drew What took you so long?

1:05:04 Caller I got a personal request.

1:05:05 Drew I've been waiting for you, Tim, all these years.

1:05:07 Caller Yeah.

1:05:07 Drew Right now, where you been?

1:05:09 Caller This might date me, but Adam, I'd like you to officially name me Dean of the Junior College at Booneville.

1:05:15 Adam That's right. I'm going to have a junior college. Yeah, so I can ridicule people.

1:05:19 Drew Yeah, I want to be called Junior College.

1:05:21 Adam Yeah, it's not going to be called Community College.

1:05:23 Drew No, no, but it's not going to be Booneville Community College. It's going to be Junior College.

1:05:28 Adam Yeah, I'm even thinking of calling it College Junior College.

1:05:31 Drew How about just College Junior?

1:05:33 Adam I'm actually going to call it Junior Junior College named after a famous junior.

1:05:38 Caller With huge jugs.

1:05:40 Adam Yeah. All right, Tim, what's up?

1:05:42 Caller Well, I'm 27. My wife is in her third trimester now. It's our first baby. We're having twins.

1:05:51 Adam Great.

1:05:51 Drew Congratulations.

1:05:52 Caller Thank you. Date is January 3rd. A couple of weeks ago, the libido kicked in real hard.

1:05:58 Drew Yeah, that is one of God's many tricks is that he makes sure that women in their final trimester just are into it.

1:06:04 Caller Well, I mean, she's into it.

1:06:06 Drew And then you're having some preterm labor and stuff and you can't do anything about it.

1:06:10 Caller Well, she's got, I don't know, I mean, her vulva, I guess, or it's all swollen up, really, really sore. And she wants the sex and I can't, you know, it's off-limits, it hurts so bad. So she wants butt sex, like all the time.

1:06:28 Adam What's the butt sex, all right.

1:06:32 Caller Well, you know, Adam, I'm like you, I'm not anti butt sex, but I'm not pro butt sex.

1:06:37 Have you tried it?

1:06:38 Drew You've done it with her?

1:06:39 Caller Yeah, for the last two weeks, it's all I've done.

1:06:42 And it's just not, I mean, it's not doing it for you, is it doing it for her?

1:06:46 Caller Yeah, she digs it.

1:06:47 Caller All right.

1:06:48 Adam Well, you may have to take one for the team. Well, how about oral sex? That's too, too, too swollen down there.

1:06:56 Caller I can, I can do the oral as long as I stay towards the north end of the business.

1:07:01 Drew Well, that's where the action is.

1:07:03 Caller Right. Exactly. But, you know, Drew, she's tried SITSBAS. I'm ready to pull out Bactene or Cocoa Butter, anything I can do. I just, is there anything?

1:07:15 Adam It's swelling down, down there?

1:07:17 Drew Well, have you talked to a gynecologist or obstetrician? I mean, they should, this is not an uncommon thing.

1:07:21 Caller Well, I haven't talked to him. She has. The last time she got seen was-

1:07:27 Adam Swollen vaginas. Have we talked about that?

1:07:29 Drew Well, I'm worried that she hasn't. You know, listen, she, it's actually not a trivial issue. If she actually has a vaginal infection adding, I mean, usually the swelling is not associated with irritation. And so that irritation actually bothers me a little bit.

1:07:42 Adam It's not associated with pressure or irritation.

1:07:45 Drew Well, she's talking about inflammation of the lining of the vulva. She's saying it burns and it hurts. And the swelling is usually not associated with that, at least not in my experience. And that triggers the possibility of this being a vaginitis, which actually could threaten the pregnancy.

1:08:01 Adam Really?

1:08:02 Drew Yeah, so this is actually not a trivial thing to have looked into. You gotta check it out. And I'm sure the doctor has a few tricks. There are anti-inflammatory creams and stuff that he could give you, or she could give you.

1:08:12 Adam Yeah, I would be scared that anal would induce labor.

1:08:16 Drew I would, too. That's another thing. You need to discuss it with the doctor. It seems highly stimulating.

1:08:20 Adam Dropping out while you're packing fudge. Oh my god, what a mess. I'll tell you, you'd have to throw that comforter away.

1:08:28 Drew Every time, every time.

1:08:30 Adam You couldn't flip that mattress fast enough.

1:08:33 Oh no.

1:08:34 Drew That means this whole room would be destroyed.

1:08:36 Adam Oh yeah. You'd have to tent the place off.

1:08:41 Drew Maconium.

1:08:42 Adam Light off one of those anal foggers. Holiday makes them. They're not just roaches and ants.

1:08:47 Drew Think of the fluids. Amniotic fluid, maconium, feces, water soluble lube. Semen, lube.

1:08:56 Adam KY, astraglion.

1:08:59 Drew Pacenta.

1:09:00 Adam Pacenta. Possibly snot rocket or two, depending on how he rank it.

1:09:04 Drew And then some vomit. Then there you go.

1:09:07 Adam Yeah.

1:09:07 Drew It's quite a mix.

1:09:11 Adam Wow. All right. God bless Tim, by the way. Trooper.

1:09:15 Drew Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you'll find out. Yeah. I just, you know, hang out with your wife.

1:09:19 Adam That whole part, that whole part though, where it's like, look, I'm not really into the anal, but, you know, your wish is my command. And that's what I'm saying, ladies. You hear Tim? Not his bag, but he's willing to accommodate.

1:09:32 Drew And men aim to please.

1:09:33 Yeah.

1:09:34 Adam Well, here's the thing. We don't look at ourself as compromised if we do something sexually that isn't exactly what we want to be doing that second.

1:09:43 Caller Yeah.

1:09:43 Adam You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. Why is it, you know, ask a woman to do something she doesn't want to do? Oh, that's rape. Yeah, but they've been married for 23 years. It's rape. Well, he just had that hip surgery, so he wanted her to get on, you know, he wanted her to get on on him. And no, how dare you? It's rape. Nothing short of rape. Really? Can't just can't just please the guy. That's what we do.

1:10:05 Drew Sexual coercion.

1:10:06 Adam That's all we do. That's all we do. Ladies, stuff we don't want to do. That's what that's what we do.

1:10:11 Drew Tim could be the poster child for all that.

1:10:13 Adam Yeah.

1:10:14 Drew And get him in here.

1:10:15 Adam Taking it for the team. Take a quick break. When we come back, we'll speak to Mercedes. He's had three orgasms while working out on a treadmill. Hmm. Do we want to say hi to her? Yeah. Mercedes? Well, Drew knows the multi-orgasmic sound. He knows the voice of the possessor of the multi-orgasm, which is you, Mercedes.

1:10:38 Hello.

1:10:39 Adam What do you think, Drew? Nothing?

1:10:41 Drew We'll see. Thumbs up. It doesn't fit for me yet.

1:10:44 Adam Mercedes?

1:10:45 Yes.

1:10:47 Okay, let me explain. I was on the treadmill and it was really weird. At first, I thought it was just like my muscles relaxing.

1:10:57 Adam Hold on a second. Drew, not speaking to you. Drew knows the tone of the multi-orgasmic.

1:11:04 Drew Yeah, this is going to be like an antihistamine or something that made her do this.

1:11:10 Adam All right. Well, hang on, Roshage. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Yeah, everybody. Shop, shop, shop. 1-800-L-O-V-E-191 is the phone number.

1:11:55 Caller That's true.

1:11:58 Adam Let's talk about shopping. Yeah, must be. Madam, and when we left off, we're speaking to Mercedes. Mercedes is 24 and was on a treadmill and had three orgasms the other day. Yes, Mercedes?

1:12:13 Okay, let me explain it a little bit better. I'm assuming that they were, because of the feeling that I got, was more intense than I've ever had than if I were to have one, like, in bed or whatever.

1:12:27 Drew Have you had orgasms otherwise?

1:12:28 Caller Yes, I have.

1:12:29 And the reason why I say that this is more intense is because it felt good, but it was like at the same time, I'm like, oh my gosh, what is going on? Because I'm just power walking on a treadmill. So, I guess my question is, was it literally an orgasm or was it the dynamics of me power walking, maybe the speed I was going, was something else being triggered or was it muscle relaxation? I was just pointing.

1:13:00 Drew Women can have orgasms doing sit ups, they can have orgasms sitting on a cold bathroom floor, it depends on you and the circumstance.

1:13:08 Adam And also, it's hard to define, I mean, here's the whole thing with men. Orgasm is like a home run in major league baseball. It's not like, I'm not sure. Maybe that was a home run. Look, it either cleared the fence or it doesn't. If it doesn't clear the fence, you better start running and if it does, you can start jogging, but either way, there's no like, yeah, it's unclear. Bury bonds, whether he has, is it six, 10, or does he have 180 home? It's, you know, he counts some of these as home runs, but we don't count them as, that's the beauty of the male orgasm. If you wanted to, and this is one of the things I'm gonna talk to your sons about, you could tally them and you would have an exact number at the end of your lifetime.

1:13:54 Drew Oh, you wanna keep count?

1:13:55 Adam As a male.

1:13:56 Drew So we need like one of the little things the umpires got.

1:13:58 Adam That's not that one, it's the one the bouncer uses in front of the club for the fire marshal. Yeah, there's everyone walking, big club. But the point is, is you never really think about it. As a male, you could probably keep track of every single orgasm you ever had. As a woman, some women could, but then others there'd be some gray area.

1:14:20 Drew Well, I think pretty clearly she had orgasm. She had three of them, interestingly. So let's see if she's had.

1:14:24 Adam Yeah, let's see if she's multi-organized.

1:14:26 Drew Yeah, if you have a view.

1:14:27 Go ahead. I'm sorry to interrupt you.

1:14:29 Caller For what?

1:14:31 Oh, so, okay, so I'm going and like the first, let's say the first five or six minutes, I felt something, I'm like, oh, okay. And then I went a little bit more and about seven minutes later, I was like, oh my gosh. And then it was the third one. And I'm not kidding. I lost my balance and I almost fell off the treadmill.

1:14:50 Drew Wow. That's comical. That was the orgasm. Probably the other ones weren't even orgasms.

1:14:55 And like, it sounds so ridiculous, but I literally...

1:14:59 Drew I can't hear Mercedes. What?

1:15:00 Oh, it sounds so ridiculous, but literally the third one, I went, oh my gosh. And it was just really weird and I was like, thank God this was in my house and not at the...

1:15:13 Adam Oh, I see. All right.

1:15:15 Drew I think the third one was probably actually an orgasm and the other two probably weren't even.

1:15:19 Adam Do you have a boyfriend?

1:15:21 No, I've never actually had a boyfriend.

1:15:23 Drew Have you had orgasms with another person?

1:15:26 No.

1:15:26 Drew Have you, do you masturbate to orgasm?

1:15:27 Adam Hold on one second, hold on, let me do some math there. Power walking at home at 24. Got it up to 165.

1:15:38 Drew You're fat.

1:15:40 Adam I never actually had a boyfriend. I were 185 and then there were orgasms, 207. That's what I'm offended about. Mercedes?

1:15:49 Yes.

1:15:50 Adam What's the weight?

1:15:51 Oh, yeah, I was just saying, whatever you have, the number in your head, you want to probably times it by two.

1:15:59 Adam Well, I actually, you know, I was wrong because the Mercedes should have got me, I should have tacked on 50 for the name. How much do you weigh, sweetie pea?

1:16:09 Well, I will be honest with you. And I've actually, because I do come from a big family, I actually just lost an uncle who was in the hospital. He fell at home. They had to take him out. He had pneumonia. But the big problem was he was over 700 pounds.

1:16:25 Drew Wow.

1:16:25 Yeah.

1:16:26 Drew Wow.

1:16:27 And that was the thing that really kicked it for me. Like not only seeing a 700 pound man whine in a hospital bed, but everyone else in the hospital room was between 300 to 400 pounds. Oh, your family.

1:16:40 Drew The family, you mean?

1:16:40 Yeah. It's a family thing. Like the only people who were thin were my sister, who's 140 at that, and then my cousin, who's 120. But other than that, we are big people. And it literally took that to make me go, you know what? You're 24. You cannot live your life this way.

1:17:00 Adam How old was your uncle?

1:17:02 He had just turned 56.

1:17:05 Adam Over 700 pounds. First of all, do you even, here's the thing, do you even know when you fall when you're over 700 pounds? It's like knowing when a ball falls that's been rolling on the ground. When is it ever up?

1:17:18 Caller Yeah, the thing is, it was so scary. He was in the hospital for about a month or two, and he lost about 200 pounds, so he was 500 pounds when he passed away. But-

1:17:28 Adam Was he at 700 pounds, was he able to stand up and move around?

1:17:33 Caller Not really.

1:17:34 Adam I'm just curious how he fell.

1:17:37 Caller I'll tell you the truth, the whole entire situation, this was a half-uncle of mine because if we went into my whole entire family story, we would be on here for another four days. But just to let you know, this was an uncle, he was a half-uncle of mine, blood-related and whatnot. When he went in the hospital, it was 734. When he did pass away, he was about 525. But when he lost more of the weight, since they were able to move more stuff, they found out they had a hernia that basically busted out of him and he died.

1:18:10 Adam Okay, let me ask you. First off, how do you weigh people in the hospital that are...

1:18:16 Caller They actually showed us. They had a little...

1:18:19 Drew They had a little crane thing.

1:18:20 Caller It was semi. What they did is they got the cloth kind of thing kind of in a way...

1:18:27 Adam The hardest. Oh, it's like how you move dolphins out of the tank.

1:18:31 Drew Exactly. That thing weighs them.

1:18:33 Adam Wow.

1:18:34 Drew And I had like a 400 or 500 pounder once. And I remember in the first... I was teaching at the time and I had...

1:18:40 Adam You're catching release, right? You didn't actually...

1:18:41 Drew Yeah, I was sent back.

1:18:42 Adam You didn't gaff it on board.

1:18:44 Drew No, no, no. We were just a little observing. I kept it in the tank. I kept it in the tank for observation. And this woman, diarese, she peed like 85 pounds in the first two days in the hospital. She was a heart failure.

1:18:55 Adam I think I did that last night.

1:18:56 Drew I had this little intern there. I was training. She diareased one of you in two days.

1:18:59 Adam Wow.

1:19:00 Drew One of you out two days.

1:19:01 Caller This is pee.

1:19:02 Caller I am... So it really seemed that it really put me to realize this is not how I want to live my life. I don't want to get to that.

1:19:13 Caller So they talk about in July...

1:19:14 Adam Well, how much do you weigh now?

1:19:16 Caller Right now, I weigh 310 and that's because I've lost 35 pounds since July.

1:19:21 Adam Wow.

1:19:21 Drew Why do you consider, I mean, you may be one of these candidates for the biopsy.

1:19:25 Caller I thought about it. When people see me, they usually assume, oh, you couldn't be more than 250, 270 would be pushing it, but people really think I'm between 225 and 250 because I am proportionate. That is one thing that I'm lucky about.

1:19:40 Drew Well, we got to bring you down to about 150.

1:19:42 Caller Oh, yeah, I totally know. I am a 5'8.

1:19:46 Drew Yeah, we got to get you down there. And some people, the bariatric surgery, if the genetics are the way you're suggesting, that may be the only way. But all about, I mean, I'm not trying to discourage you from the exercise and the diet. By all means, try it out first.

1:19:57 Caller By all means, what I'm doing these days, and I'm really happy and I've really stuck to it because, like I said, you never know, you don't know how it is to see a 7-year-old man laying in a bed, you know?

1:20:12 Adam I've seen the news. I've seen the skin breaking down.

1:20:16 Drew You really don't, do you?

1:20:17 Adam That's a crazy compliment. You know, you're not an ounce over 275. No, 335, get the F out of town. Are you kidding me?

1:20:27 Drew I'm going to put you a pound over 260.

1:20:30 Adam I had you, you're just like a cotton ball. I can't have you. 27, no, not an ounce over two. I refuse to say you're an ounce over 270.

1:20:40 Drew Three bells, three bells. No way.

1:20:43 Adam I know 300 pounds when I see it. You aren't it.

1:20:46 Drew Well, here's the 700 pound stuff. They can't breathe. They get pneumonia because they literally can't move their chest enough to ventilate the bases of their lungs.

1:20:53 Adam Yeah.

1:20:53 Drew They get their skin breaks down in horrible ways.

1:20:56 Adam I would say you could lose 125 to 140 pounds, but if you say 200 pounds, I'll just say no, please. It's like, it's a weird conversation to get in. You look fantastic for 335. You look like 280. Yeah. Proportion. All right, Mercedes, here's all I'm saying, sweetie pea. Yeah. A couple of things. Have you, here's my belief for people that are as big as they are, as soon as they are. Genetic hand, baby.

1:21:27 Drew That's why the surgeon comes in hard.

1:21:28 Adam Society doesn't like the whole genetic hand thing. Society doesn't like the genetic hand thing on the good side or the bad side. It wants to play it hard. We want, here's what we want.

1:21:38 Drew We want to be a tabula rasa, that the man who superimposes everything on us.

1:21:43 Adam We would like Michael Jordan to write a book on how we get a vertical leap. We would like Claudia Schiffer to give us her beauty secrets.

1:21:51 Drew So we can all be that.

1:21:52 Adam So we can all be that. And you, we'd like to punish for being a slob. The reality is, is Claudia Schiffer's Claudia Schiffer, you're you. You could never be her and she could never be you. Exactly. There is not a Cinnabon big enough and an airport large enough for her to be you. It's impossible. Not at 24, not at 54. Just impossible.

1:22:18 Drew Not genetically set up that way.

1:22:19 Caller Can I add something?

1:22:20 Adam Yes.

1:22:21 Caller My fittest that I ever was, I was in fifth and sixth grade, and I was doing both softball and dance about four to six times a week.

1:22:30 Adam Right.

1:22:31 Caller And at that time, I was still about the same height, and I was a size 14, 16, because I was like pure muscle.

1:22:38 Adam Right. So, like now, I'm a size- How much did you weigh?

1:22:44 Caller Let's say probably 175, 185.

1:22:47 Adam Right. But the point is, is in the fifth grade, you weighed 180.

1:22:52 Caller Yeah.

1:22:53 Adam Okay. That's-

1:22:55 Drew Twice.

1:22:56 Adam That's nice. You like a strong safety to junior college to weigh somewhere what you weighed in the fifth grade.

1:23:02 Caller Yeah.

1:23:03 Adam You know what I mean? Twice in all fifth grade. That's a genetic situation.

1:23:07 Caller Yeah.

1:23:08 Adam I'm not-

1:23:08 Caller If you would have seen my family, you would be like, oh my God.

1:23:11 Adam No, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Get the surgery. Yeah, or whatever.

1:23:15 Caller The interesting thing-

1:23:16 Adam That's enough. Get the surgery. Look, everybody, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of people asking other people how they got this way and how they got that way. I mean, I marvel at the human body. The guy with the biggest, nicest calves I know is a guy named Tony we work with. Oh, he's a big, big knots for calves. And you watch professional football players, professional tennis players, and professional whatever players. None of them have the calves that Tony has, and Tony doesn't do anything.

1:23:46 Drew Right.

1:23:47 Adam Now, people want to ask Tony where he got these beautiful calves, and the answer is, his dad.

1:23:53 Drew Yeah.

1:23:54 Adam Look at professional tennis players. Professional tennis players' legs don't really look any different than any other guy you know is not fat, does a little jogging. Right. For the most part. Yes, I agree. Unless he has that genetic predisposition. The arm they swing the racket with looks the same. Like John McEnroe never looked at any better with his shirt off and a pair of shorts than any anybody other 22 year old guy you went to college with and all the guy did was run around the tennis court all day every day.

1:24:22 Drew Never Rod Laver.

1:24:24 Adam Yeah.

1:24:24 Drew Had a huge right hand.

1:24:25 Adam Yeah.

1:24:26 Drew Right arm.

1:24:26 Adam Yeah.

1:24:27 Drew But that's him too, by the way.

1:24:28 Adam That was him too.

1:24:29 Drew The activity with that arm caused some build up.

1:24:32 Adam Right. Now should should my buddy Tony with the big cams write a book on how to have big calves? Because according to him, they do a little walking.

1:24:40 Drew That's it.

1:24:41 Adam Take your dog to the park.

1:24:42 Drew And get a huge, huge calf.

1:24:43 Adam Get a huge calf.

1:24:43 Drew Right.

1:24:44 Adam That's how you do it. All right. No, I'm just saying the people that have blue eyes don't need to write a book on how to have blue eyes. Claudia Schiffer doesn't need to write a book about being hot and Mercedes shouldn't be punished for being 180 pounds in the fifth grade. That's it. That's your cut. That's what you got.

1:25:00 Drew Yeah.

1:25:01 Adam Now, now be realistic about it and go get this bypass surgery.

1:25:05 Drew Yes.

1:25:05 Adam I would almost argue, Drew, and you as a doctor stop me, barring somebody with a deep-seated psychiatric problem. Hey man, if you're 300 pounds plus as a chick by age 19 or 20, boom, you got a genetic problem.

1:25:22 Drew I think that's probably true.

1:25:23 Adam Now, it's one thing. Well, you lock yourself in your room and hook up a pump that just feeds soft swirl in your veins. All right, that's one thing.

1:25:33 Drew But even that's usually 250, 270.

1:25:35 Adam I don't know somebody who could be that at that. I hang around exclusively people who just sort of eat what they want, do what they want. They just look, they're all the same.

1:25:45 Drew Yeah.

1:25:46 Adam All of them.

1:25:47 Drew Yeah.

1:25:47 Adam Think about the people you know, even as you get older, the guys I know now, they're getting up there now. They still eat the same crap. They do the same thing. They all look exactly the same as they look. The fat guys are fat, the skinny guys are skinny, and everything's the same.

1:26:02 Drew And there you go.

1:26:03 Adam All right. Take a quick break. Be right back after this.

1:26:08 Caller Hello, this is your radio.

1:26:39 Adam Yeah, Loveline, baby dolls. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-ER. Let's speak to Amy. She's been a hole for 90 minutes. Amy?

1:26:51 Caller Hello?

1:26:54 Drew What's going on there?

1:26:55 Adam You're 18. What's up?

1:26:57 Well, I have problems committing.

1:27:00 Drew Yeah. So don't commit. You're 18.

1:27:03 Adam You don't have to.

1:27:04 My mom wants me to.

1:27:06 Drew Wants you to get married or something?

1:27:07 Yeah.

1:27:08 Drew Well, you don't have to.

1:27:09 No, she wants the whole cute thing. I love my mom and dad.

1:27:13 Drew Beautiful. Have kids when you're 30. That's fine.

1:27:15 Adam So your mom really wants you to have kids at 18 or 19?

1:27:19 Yeah.

1:27:20 Drew No. Well, then.

1:27:21 Adam First off, so many things young girls feel or just feel like, my dad says I'm fat.

1:27:28 Drew Right.

1:27:28 Adam You know, like your dad said that maybe it was cold, you should put a jacket on and then he'll call you fat. Or your dad said that mini skirt's too tight on you, put a dress on. Didn't say you're fat. You just heard that. Right. I wonder, like, I mean, does your mother physically just tell you, hey, you're 18, you got to start having kids for me?

1:27:50 Yeah.

1:27:51 Drew No.

1:27:52 Adam No. I don't believe it.

1:27:53 Drew Well, even if she does, why would you listen to that crap? I can see. Even if she is saying that, why would you listen to it?

1:27:59 Because I love her.

1:28:00 Drew I know you love her, but she's got retarded ideas.

1:28:03 Adam Where's your dad?

1:28:04 Away.

1:28:06 Drew Oh. All right.

1:28:08 Adam Do you have a boyfriend?

1:28:10 Drew No. Have you ever had a boyfriend?

1:28:12 Yeah. Like tons of times.

1:28:14 Drew Tons of times. All right. And could you imagine being married to any of those idiots?

1:28:18 I think, like, the shortest relationship I've had is five hours.

1:28:22 Drew Shortest relationship. I didn't ask that. I said, can you imagine being married to one of those J.O.s?

1:28:26 Adam The shortest relationship I've had is five hours. This is Carol Channing telling her shortest relationship. OK, Amy. Yeah? This sounds like a disaster. First off.

1:28:36 Drew Go to college, please.

1:28:37 Adam What's going on with you? What are you doing? Are you working?

1:28:40 I work at, like, a store in the mall.

1:28:43 Drew But you sound smart. Why don't you go to school?

1:28:45 Adam Well, it's not a problem.

1:28:46 I wanted to, but my mom was, like, going.

1:28:48 Drew But you're not. Your life isn't run by your mom.

1:28:51 Adam Is your mom from Korea or something? Is she some effed up culture? Where is she from?

1:28:56 She's from Columbia. We're Mormon. Yeah. Yeah, okay.

1:29:01 Adam All right. So there's a cultural thing going on.

1:29:04 I don't know. I just, like, I want to be a psychiatrist. So, like, she told me, no, that you're going to go nowhere. And so I want kids.

1:29:12 Drew Amy, please go follow your dreams. Being a psychiatrist would be great for you. And you can have kids, too.

1:29:17 Adam Just move out of the house. Yeah, just move out of the house.

1:29:20 Drew You are not responsible for your mother's life. Yes, you love your mom. Yes, you want her to be happy. Keep an eye on that. But in the meantime, you are responsible for your life. You've got your smart girl. You've got some great ideas. There we go. Bring it on.

1:29:32 Adam Let me tell you, look, everybody, here's what you need to do. Stand back, take an objective look at your parents, as I've done many times in my own life. Size them up, not just based on the car they're driving or the house they live in, but have they been what you would deem successful? And part of that is the house they're living in and the car they're driving. Happy, successful relationships, successful relationships with their children, successful in business, work, their own relationship, friends. How many friends do they have? Stand back and take a look at your parents, then decide, do you want to go down that road? Do you want to emulate them or, as the case is for the Ace man, do you want to pull a 180? You do the exact opposite. And then you think to yourself.

1:30:24 Drew Or do you want to incorporate things and do something on your own?

1:30:26 Adam Yeah, treat like a gin rummy hand. Grab a few of the good cards they have and discard. For me it would be almost the entire deck. But think to yourself, what would dad do given this situation or opportunity? And then you think, all right, I'll do the opposite. And that's how you work it. Now, if your parents are successful and they're happy and they're adjusted and their kids love them and they're together and they live in a nice house and drive a nice car and everyone has a good job, then feel free to be exactly like them. But if they're living in a crappy apartment and you don't know where dad is and they're collecting disability out in Indio, maybe it's time to not have that person be your compass for life. Doesn't mean you have to slap them in the face or disown them.

1:31:13 Drew Or not give them what they want, but do it on your terms.

1:31:17 Adam Move out, that's the first step. Get out of there. Second step is start living your life. And yes, you not going to college and getting knocked up is an archaic thought from the old line.

1:31:27 Drew It's not an accident that Amy, from the moment we picked up the phone with you, I started chanting about college.

1:31:31 Adam Right.

1:31:31 Drew Because I can tell you're smart, I can tell you can accomplish something. Don't squander it.

1:31:35 Adam Do it. Dan. 19?

1:31:38 Yes, I am.

1:31:39 Adam What's up?

1:31:42 Just about an hour or so ago, I ejaculated and as I was, It's got 15 minutes on me. Huge burning sensation. And I kind of, it felt as if, and I actually felt a little granule, like a granule sand or something came out.

1:32:03 Drew Do you, have you had new sexual contacts at all?

1:32:06 Um, I am in a committed relationship right now and but I mean, we both got tested and I don't know, he not not the guy to cheat around on me.

1:32:15 Adam So, he could just been a piece of corn. That's happened to me.

1:32:22 Drew Okay. Yeah, Dan, you can have caraway seed, you know, something that just passes. See if it can get kind of chunky and hard, believe it or not, it can be kind of, it can irritate things on the way out. It doesn't have to mean there's an infection, but I look into it.

1:32:34 Adam When would you move a granule?

1:32:36 Drew You know what I mean? You can have granules from your kidney that settle in your bladder, but they usually still don't come out during ejaculation, they come out on your pain.

1:32:42 Adam Yeah, what would get, is it possible you had some sort of kidney stone that got caught up in your urethra that got pushed through with the semen?

1:32:49 Drew No, prostate stones, there are prostate stones, but he's too young for that. I mean, really, it's probably just normal inflammation of sort of semen production, but you got to look into STD, because that's also a sign of an STD.

1:33:01 Adam Michael. Yeah. Sorry, you've been on hold. We'll talk to you first tomorrow night. We're just plum out of time. We got to go to commercial break, and I feel the same way about young Bryce. Bryce, hang on. First out of the shoot tomorrow night, or second behind Michael. Sorry, brother. Take a quick break. Be right back after this. Well, that's the show, y'all. Thanks for hanging in tonight. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew, saying Mahalo.

1:33:55 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:33:59 Adam The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold.

1:34:09 Caller Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, October 23, 2005