Episode 1000733479993

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

1:13 Voiceover This is Loveline.

1:17 Voiceover With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:20 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician and Addiction Medicine Specialist. One of the fastest rising stars in the cable galaxy. My assistant Matt is in studio tonight from the TLC Adam Corolla Project, 10 o'clock on TLC. Let me say hi, Matt.

1:44 Another rising star, I'd like to think. Me and Drew. Oh, yeah. In the cable galaxy.

1:50 Adam Drew's on the, well, Drew's kind of on the way down. I think you may have passed him at some point.

1:53 Drew An arisen star.

1:54 Adam Yeah. What you're looking at with Drew is a star that burnt out a long time ago, just taking the light.

2:01 Drew Right. It takes 5,000 light years to get down here.

2:03 Adam To travel to it. The star's burnt out and extinct. You're just seeing it through your telescope right now. Yes, Drew?

2:09 Drew Yes, yes.

2:09 Adam Technically, you're not here. Right. Right. Let me say this about the TLC, the Adam Carolla Project on TLC. I know it's got my name on it and sounds like I'm blowing hard here. It's a great show. I love this show and I'm in it 30% of the time. I like the guys and everyone loves this show and I don't blow that hard about everything I do. Like I didn't come in here and start yapping about Loveline or Crank Anchors or the Man Show. I'd give it a little plug. I'd give it a little plug. I'd give it a little plug. I'd give it a little plug. I would give it a little plug, but I wouldn't be in here like, oh, the Man Show, Crank Anchors.

2:45 Drew You wouldn't be blowing hard.

2:46 Adam No.

2:47 Drew Just be talking about it over and over and over again.

2:49 Adam No.

2:50 Drew Oh, a little plug.

2:51 Adam No, Drew, seriously.

2:52 Drew Seriously, you would not blow hard about it. Seriously.

2:54 Adam How much Man Show plugging did I do when it was on the air?

2:57 Drew Little or none.

2:57 Adam Thank you. Okay, and Loveline we didn't do, we did Little or None.

3:01 Drew We did None.

3:02 Adam I'm telling you this TLC show is a good show.

3:05 Best show on television, the Man Show.

3:08 Adam That's Jesse Ventura, circa 1971. Had a premonition about the Man Show. Part of the thing that makes this show great is my assistant Matt. He's all over it. He's on camera. He's my muse. He's my doctor. He's my lawyer. He's my nurse. He's my muscle.

3:25 Drew We just did a little promo in Los Angeles here before you came in and Matt suggested that his job is to of course say yes and to meet your every need. But mostly it's a cup and your balls. And doing something with a feather in your ass.

3:39 Matt Harber The thing with the feather.

3:41 Adam Oh, Matt. I thought we had an agreement. I thought...

3:45 Drew I'm just saying.

3:46 Adam You did not get that email ahead of yourself, did you? I can't email, but when I get angry at Matt, I have him email himself. Dear Matt, take this down. Dear me. No, this is Adam. No, you misspelled the C sucker. Yeah, go ahead. I think it's one word. There you go, buddy. All right, now send that to yourself. Now read it to me aloud. It's really, I know it's a little kind of sending, but I can't type or email. But once in a while, Matt and I get into it, and I got to fire him off a vitriolic email. He's just got to do it for me.

4:16 Drew Yeah, I understand.

4:17 Adam It's tough with your system. They have to buy you a birthday, you have to go out and buy you a birthday present for you. They have to do all that stuff.

4:23 Drew It's very funny.

4:24 Adam Matt is dynamite. I'm making him into a man. He's making me into a woman.

4:29 Matt Harber It's true. Adam has taught me everything I know about being a man. I have had no male role models.

4:35 Drew He taught you how to go pick up lumber and stuff, right?

4:38 Matt Harber He's having you do stuff like that.

4:40 Drew I heard there's a little skiff, a little scuffle about plastic fitting in the back of his truck.

4:46 Adam I had to put a little lattice on the roof of his car and go pick it up.

4:50 Matt Harber Did you talk about that on the air?

4:51 Adam No, I don't think I did, but Matt started yelling at me and I yelled at him.

4:56 Matt Harber It was on a main street in Burbank. That was a beautiful moment for us.

5:01 Drew That was saying, in fact, that he looks back at his beginnings with you, his meager beginnings and thinking, why do I still have a job?

5:07 Matt Harber Yes.

5:08 Drew How do they put up with me?

5:08 Matt Harber I do.

5:09 Adam Well, I have a dangerous combination between ultra-low self-esteem and not caring about things. People say to me all the time, are you going to let that guy talk about you this way, or this guy was talking ass behind your back, or why don't you? I'm just like, oh, please, I don't even care. I've got to keep moving forward.

5:27 Drew Yes.

5:27 Matt Harber Not to mention that you love me.

5:29 Adam I do love Matt.

5:30 Drew And the feather thing. There's the feather thing.

5:31 Matt Harber And the balls on the feather.

5:33 Adam You know what I like about Matt too is Matt busts the chops of all around me.

5:38 Drew Not just you.

5:38 Adam If somebody, we bust my chops too, but if somebody says they're coming over at eight in the morning and they show up at 7.55, Matt yells at them and makes them stand outside until late.

5:47 Matt Harber I do. I throw a fit.

5:48 Adam And here's the most enduring quality or endearing quality about Matt is he doesn't wake me up. People call at 9.30 in the morning. Where's Adam? He's asleep. Go get him. No.

5:58 Drew Oh, that's why you have a job.

6:00 Adam Mr. Corolla is sleeping.

6:02 Drew That's a big part of it. Oh, you've always dreamed of that, man. I want to hire a guy.

6:07 Adam I want to hire a guy to put a velvet rope around my bed and just stand there. Huge black man with his arms folded just standing by the road. Well, no, Matt, Matt is standing outside the door.

6:16 Drew I see. I see.

6:17 Adam Matt, Matt's outside the door with a headset and a clipboard, clipboard. Then Lucius, Lucius or Heavy J is in there. That's a 300 pound black man. Played a little pro ball but he blew out his knee. He's just standing there with the single earpiece, not the headset, the earpiece. He's there with his arms folded and he's standing by the velvet rope.

6:37 Drew Sunglasses.

6:38 Adam And I'm just, I'm there sleeping.

6:40 Drew Perfect.

6:40 Adam Oh my God. I'm just sleep like an angel. Yeah. Anyway, Matt is, Matt came out. Here's the thing, all you kids, all you guys, everyone's listening, everyone wants to know, how do you get into whatever business? How do you get into radio? How do you get into television? How do you get into whatever you want to get into? Barring, pardon the pun, you need a degree, a law degree or something like that. How do you get in? Matt, how did you get in?

7:06 Matt Harber Tenacity and connections.

7:08 Adam That's right. Now what did you do? Just tell your story very quickly.

7:13 Matt Harber I contacted an alum from my high school.

7:16 Adam He was reading the alum magazine at his high school, which by the way, I don't think North Hollywood High has one of those.

7:23 Drew What high school did you go to?

7:24 Matt Harber Northfield Mount Hermann.

7:25 Drew In Massachusetts?

7:26 Matt Harber Prep school in Massachusetts.

7:27 Drew I went to Hamers College.

7:28 Matt Harber Yeah. Oh yeah.

7:29 Drew So I was right there.

7:30 Matt Harber I went to Hampshire.

7:31 Drew No way. Oh, that's funny.

7:33 Matt Harber You know about me then.

7:34 Drew Oh, I know about Hampshire.

7:34 Matt Harber You know what I did.

7:35 Drew Oh, so I lived in a doughnut.

7:38 Adam What was your what was your what what was your major in college?

7:42 Matt Harber Oh, I did that, honey. My gag reflex. Queer Studies. Queer Studies.

7:53 Drew That sounds like Hampshire.

7:54 Matt Harber Yeah.

7:56 Drew Hampshire was like Hampshire is a good school.

7:57 Matt Harber Look at the engineer. Who are you?

8:00 Adam Yeah, Anderson.

8:01 Drew Hampshire was an experimental college. It got going in the 70s.

8:10 Adam Yeah, that's what it's like in the action movie when the penis is flying at the ass and Drew's diving in front of it.

8:19 Drew All right.

8:19 Adam Somebody's going to cornhole the president. Drew's going to stop him. I'll tell you. Here's where I'm going to say about queer studies. My mother was a Chicano studies major over at Valley College, and I thought nothing could top that in terms of useless majors. This may have done it. And if I don't ever tell my mother about this, she'll be furious.

8:38 Drew But she didn't take this. Look at this man. He's a rising star in cable.

8:41 Adam Well, I'm just saying don't let my mom find out that there's such a thing because she'll go over to Hampshire College and take that too.

8:47 Matt Harber I think your mom's not Chicano. That's the thing.

8:50 Adam I know. I would say that makes her more hard core.

8:52 Matt Harber Right. I think that's pretty hard core. Yeah.

8:54 Adam That's pretty hard core because she looks like Tom Petty and she's taking Chicano studies.

8:58 Matt Harber I know. I love her. I love her mother. She calls me just to talk.

9:01 Adam Oh my God.

9:02 Drew I know. She can't talk to her son. She hasn't talked to him since she was three.

9:05 Adam Oh, that's scary.

9:07 Matt Harber She is obsessed with him.

9:08 Adam She really?

9:09 Drew Whoa. Hold everything.

9:12 Adam Yeah.

9:12 Drew What?

9:13 Matt Harber She is very interested in Adam's career and really proud of him. We get real sentimental on the phone with each other. Wait a minute.

9:20 Adam I told you my mom's turned the corner.

9:22 Drew But like in the last few weeks, she's been maybe gotten cable. That's not being very interested in her career. Well, what's wrong with her mom? Why isn't her mom into it? Why is what? Why isn't her mom into it?

9:33 Adam Helen, you're talking about my grandma?

9:34 Drew Yes. Why isn't-

9:36 Adam What the hell is she? Is it college? She was a Queer Studies major over at Hamster College.

9:40 Drew Hamster is a good college.

9:41 Matt Harber And Sarah Lawrence. I've been to Sarah Lawrence too.

9:43 Drew That is a convo. Yeah.

9:47 Matt Harber The gayest. That's why I say I'm the gayest.

9:50 Drew But that is like gay studies on gay studies.

9:53 Matt Harber Yes.

9:53 Drew Yes. It's awesome. But grandma, why isn't she come around to follow Adam's mom into this?

9:59 Matt Harber Grandma Helen, she's a blowhard. That's what we say about her.

10:02 Adam She's keeping it real.

10:03 Matt Harber She does, honey. She called Adam a bastard the other day on the phone. She said, that bastard, who does he think he is showing up late for dinner? That's what she said. I love that. Very buddy.

10:15 Drew That's good.

10:17 Adam I was watching some upcoming, making some notes on some upcoming episodes, maybe show eight or something like that. And she was doing a little interview explaining why. I think someone must have asked her off camera, why do you think Adam's famous or something? And she said, I don't know, because he lacks charisma. Lacks charisma. Yeah. Thank you.

10:40 Drew No showman.

10:41 Adam Not a showman. So, Matt, here's what I'm trying to, here's what I want to impart to all you kiddies listening. Matt is over at Hamster College. Hamster College. He's a queer, don't correct me. He's a queer studies major. He's not doing nothing. He's looking at his magazine from his high school.

10:58 Drew He went to a high-powered high school.

11:00 Adam High school alum. On it, he sees my partner, not Jimmy Kimmel, but Daniel.

11:05 Matt Harber His life partner.

11:06 Drew Oh, Daniel went there.

11:08 Adam Daniel went there. He sees it and he fires him off an ass kiss in email, right?

11:14 Matt Harber It was a very unprofessional email, very, it was crazy. I said some really...

11:19 Drew In Daniel's world, that ranks high.

11:20 Adam Daniel gets the email and he comes in to me and he says, hey, there's this crazy guy who went to my high school. We should talk to him. Next thing you know, Matt's standing in our office. We send him out to another production because we weren't doing anything at the time. They passed on him, but then later when we started to get this show together and I needed an assistant, he thought of Matt. The point is, is Matt took the alum magazine, sat down. What risk?

11:46 Drew Risk to come out to California? That must have been a big risk for you.

11:49 Adam Well, I'm just saying firing off...

11:50 Drew Yeah, yeah, the email is nothing.

11:52 Adam The email...

11:52 Drew But the follow through is really what counts here. He came out, he got his butt out here.

11:55 Adam Showed a little initiative and everyone does that, oh, it's who you know and it's timing and all that BS. You got that magazine, you had a good idea, you wrote an email. Nine times out of ten, that stuff comes up snake eyes, but that's why you got to do it ten times, not once.

12:10 Drew Right.

12:11 Adam Yes.

12:11 Drew Yes. Absolutely well said.

12:13 Adam And look at him now. He's on top of the cable pyramid.

12:16 Drew How long have you been out of Hampshire?

12:19 Matt Harber A year. A year and a half.

12:20 Drew Goodness.

12:21 Adam And that's Sarah Lawrence.

12:22 Drew Sarah Lawrence first, right?

12:23 Matt Harber Sarah Lawrence first. It's a little too hoity-toity for me.

12:26 Adam Wow. Oh, man, I'm telling you, going from Hamster to Martin Lawrence.

12:30 Matt Harber That's a lot of school. The University of Martin Lawrence. I wish. I wish.

12:36 Adam Now, what are the both very liberal, progressive schools?

12:39 Matt Harber Yes. And Sarah Lawrence is seventy five, twenty five women to men.

12:44 Adam Oh, but about all all diesel dykes, right?

12:46 Drew All theater majors.

12:47 Adam Oh, oh, scary, angry women.

12:51 Matt Harber And lots of fat girls who like rent.

12:53 Adam Yeah.

12:53 Matt Harber Yeah. It was fun for me.

12:56 Drew Bryce?

13:00 Adam Seventeen. What's up?

13:04 How's it going?

13:04 Yeah.

13:05 I have a girlfriend who lives across the bay. I'm actually more towards San Francisco. I live in San Carlos. And she lives in Fremont. She's half hour away. And I've been dating for about six months now. And she has grown up with guys. She's had like pretty much all guy friends. And the good part about that is that's who made her her.

13:33 Drew And it's like... Let's get to the question, Bryce.

13:35 Adam Stop the editorializing.

13:36 Drew Here we go.

13:36 Adam A 17-year-old editorializing.

13:38 Drew Thank you. Thank you.

13:39 Adam Let's go.

13:40 Basically, I just want to know if I could trust you. Because I've gotten... My jealousy has gotten to the level where... The point where it's like... We deleted all our numbers in the phone book and we started over...

13:51 Drew Alright, Bryce. We'll stop you right there. Here's your deal. All 17-year-old males have a ton of this kind of energy. It is very uncomfortable for them to see their girlfriend around other guys. They feel very threatened. They feel like they're not good enough. The other guy is going to swoop in. And of course, she likes the attention and sort of flirts a little bit. And you feel terribly threatened by that. But what you've got to assess is, what's going on here? Is she committed to you? Does she have a history of chaos? Is she able to commit in relationships? Are things going okay?

14:18 Adam Can he fairly assess that as a twisted 17-year-old?

14:22 Drew I agree with you. It is very difficult. But that's all you can do. That's all you've got. You can't say no to the male friends. You can sort of set some limits with it.

14:29 Adam What is some criteria that he can judge her by?

14:33 Drew Did her previous relationships end with cheating?

14:35 Adam Bryce, any cheating in her past?

14:37 No, no. I mean, not that I know. She told me.

14:39 Drew Or her parents together?

14:42 No, her parents are divorced. Well, they're not divorced yet.

14:47 Drew Any chaos in her upbringing other than divorce?

14:51 No. The only thing I know of is maybe arguing.

14:56 Drew No physical abuse or anything.

14:57 Adam Well, look, why do you live across the bay? I mean, well, I met her over the internet.

15:03 Drew Met her over the internet. That's already weak. All right.

15:07 Adam What's your plan? Is anyone going to move closer to anyone? Are you both in high school?

15:11 Yeah, we're both. I'm in my last year of high school. She actually graduated early. She's in college now, but we're going to move in together sometime in August because we're both going to San Jose State.

15:20 Drew I don't know. I think it's even a worse idea. This is this is, Bryce, this is sort of the handwritings on the wall. This one, I'm afraid, buddy. Just go ahead and enjoy it for the time being. But these things are not meant to go forever.

15:31 Adam All right. But then somebody gets pregnant.

15:33 Drew No.

15:34 Adam Well, you know what I'm saying?

15:34 Drew I know. We'll give them.

15:35 Adam Hmm.

15:36 Hmm.

15:37 Drew Tell them no.

15:38 Adam Bryce, no. Don't get her pregnant.

15:41 No, I'm not.

15:43 Adam That's that's that's squirreling. What was that? What are you saying? Well, they're not they're not. The phone screwed up. Look, here's what I'm saying, kiddies. Matt, this doesn't this doesn't include you and your your own. But the point is, is yeah, you're squirreling. You're 17. Your head's not screwed on straight. That's fine. That's how it's supposed to be. And then someone gets pregnant.

16:06 Drew Yeah, that's that.

16:07 Adam And now all of a sudden you're in a different thing.

16:09 Drew Yeah.

16:10 Adam The difference between being, you know, getting someone pregnant and not getting someone pregnant is like, look, when you're 18, you don't have anything going on. Go ahead and join the Coast Guard. Go in there for two years or four years. Go join the Marines. Go into it. But when you have a kid, you join forever. That's it. You're in forever. 16, 17, boom, you're in.

16:30 Drew So what are you studying? Queer studies? Oh, Lantese, Chaney, Cornholding, Truman Capote. What do you do?

16:40 Adam Emphasis on felging. Yeah.

16:43 Matt Harber Any minority studies? I mean, really? Yeah. Women's studies, black studies, the history, you know, a lot of the history.

16:53 Adam Is there some good gay trivia or something? Or who is there? Well, as far as taking this knowledge and applying it to the outside world.

17:03 Matt Harber Every day life.

17:04 Adam Every day?

17:04 Matt Harber Oh, yeah.

17:05 Adam Every day application. Yeah. I think my mom's that way with the Hispanic Chicano studies.

17:09 Drew Notice that.

17:10 Adam Yeah.

17:11 Matt Harber That's why she used to come hang out at the job site.

17:14 Adam Yeah, I know.

17:15 Drew She likes Oswaldo.

17:16 Adam Yeah.

17:17 Drew Yeah.

17:18 Adam I'm sure they could talk. And my mom looks like Tom Petty, by the way. Blue eyes, stringy hair and white as a ghost.

17:24 Matt Harber She's beautiful.

17:25 Adam Chicano studies major.

17:27 Drew But four years of, it's Sarah Lawrence or something else.

17:29 Matt Harber Well, there are no majors at Sarah Lawrence or Hampshire. It was just what I focused on. You kind of create your own. I did like that in creative writing.

17:38 Adam They believe that's that excludes people. Like if you have, if you declare major, then there's someone who might not have a major.

17:45 Matt Harber And Adam wondered why I didn't know about the pecking order. I couldn't, I didn't really respect that when I got into this job because I hadn't had to. I was always around the woman.

17:56 Adam Oh, that's interesting.

17:58 Drew You've never seen the man.

18:00 Adam Yeah. Well, you see, I think there's a marginally dangerous message that is sent in the super, super liberal world. Certainly happens a lot in the black community, which is, hey, you don't listen to anybody. Don't let anyone, don't you ever let anyone tell you what to do. If you don't want to do something, don't let, let me explain life. All you do is have people tell you what to do until eventually, eventually, God willing, you get to be the guy who tells other people what to do. And by the way.

18:29 Drew And even then, you still got somebody telling you what to do, no matter what.

18:32 Adam Always.

18:32 Drew No matter what.

18:34 Adam And it's not you telling people what to do because you're evil. It's you telling people what to do because you have experience and you've earned that position.

18:41 Drew You're the president of goddamn the United States. You've got lobbyists telling you what to do because they gave you money.

18:46 Adam You know, it's just it's everybody has somebody telling you what to do. And if you get people trained to be defiant against people telling them what to do, that person's going to have a horrible life. Now, the person telling them what to do is not going to have a bad life. They're just going to fire that person.

19:03 Drew Right.

19:04 Adam That's that's how it works. And the other thing, too, is is it's there's there's another thing that we sort of have to, which is somehow your brown noser. If you listen to someone who tells you what to do, that's not brown nosing. That's called being a private and there's a general talking to you.

19:21 Drew And by the way, that private may be a sergeant soon.

19:24 Adam Yes. And the other thing is, is believe me, the general has somebody from the Joint Chief of Staff that's above them and telling them what to do.

19:32 Drew And the president's telling the joint chief.

19:33 Adam Everybody has somebody telling them what to do. That's right. Yes. Michelle?

19:38 Hi.

19:39 Adam Hey.

19:40 How are you guys? I have a really big question for you guys. I'm 18 and me and my boyfriend have been together for a while. And he wants to try double penetration.

19:50 Adam Double?

19:51 Matt Harber Does that mean him and another guy?

19:53 Well, no. He wants to do it solo first, just because I've never done a threesome.

19:57 Adam Sheer dry run.

19:58 But he can't even get it in. I don't know. He's not very big, not to make him put him down or anything. But he's just not very big and he can't get it in. Is there any way I can prepare my butt? Liar whore.

20:12 Drew Liar whore. You know it.

20:14 Adam This is so bogus. You got nothing.

20:16 Drew Where's the guy behind her?

20:17 Adam You've got nothing.

20:19 Drew She just hung up. Yeah.

20:20 Matt Harber Anyway, that should have been sent to me, that question.

20:23 Adam Yeah. Please.

20:24 Drew Oh, yeah. Go ahead. If somebody's worried about that.

20:26 Adam All DP questions. Go to Matt.

20:28 Drew Yeah. Matt, go ahead.

20:30 Matt Harber Honey, loosen it up with any household appliances, tools laying around.

20:35 Adam Graduated. What do we use? Lucite bulbs. Here's the thing. Listen, all you bogus idiots out there, have a question. You shoving a question mark on the end of a non-question.

20:50 Drew Yeah.

20:50 Adam On the end of a statement doesn't make it a question.

20:52 Drew Right.

20:53 Adam He's really small and so he can't get it in. Well, first off, what do you mean he can't get in if he's really small? What? If he was fire hydrant size, it would slide right in. But if he's because he's a popsicle stick, it's not going in. Is that what you're saying? First off, do not be a retard with your horrible logic. He's really small. He can't get in. And then there's a question. I want to know, is there anything I can do to loosen up? So bogus. Chicks are so inferior at bogus calls. They really can't pull it off. But here's the thing. If you are a chick and you can lie just a little bit, you could probably rule the world. Rule the world. There's not a ticket you couldn't get out of. You know what I'm saying?

21:39 Drew They did not have to lie, see?

21:40 Adam Here's the reality. If you said to just about any woman, Drew, you'd probably have to give them a little technical advice about ovarian this or cystic fibrosis that or some sort of vaginal whatever. They got pulled over and they said, wherever they got pulled up, first off, have a hospital in mind, number one. Number two, all you got to do is say, you know, I have a, I have a...

22:07 Drew I'm hemorrhaging from a cervical polyp and I'm on my way to Cedars.

22:09 Adam I have cervical polyp and I was going to use Cedars actually. Or pick the other one, you can pick any of the other one. Wherever you're near. But just go, I'm hemorrhaging from a cervical polyp, I just got from my doctor, I know I'm speaking, I'm sorry, but I'm just, I'm actually, there's blood coming out of me now. And that's why, you get out of every single ticket. Every single ticket.

22:28 Drew You get escort.

22:29 Adam Yeah, well you don't want that. I'll walk you up to the room. You would get out of every single ticket. That's all, that's all. A chick, that's all a chick has to have. Guy be like, yeah, kiss my ass. You're getting, you're getting another ticket. Women.

22:44 Drew You gotta mention bleeding and pelvis.

22:46 Adam Something with the vaginal area. And blood. Something with the pelvic.

22:49 Drew And blood.

22:49 Adam Something with some discharge or some blood. There's not a cop alive that's not just giving you a finger telling you, get going. Go on out of here.

22:57 Drew Get.

22:57 Adam Get. Go on. I said get.

23:00 Matt Harber But that's not true for all men. Because when I get pulled over, you know, they're just confused. And they don't know what to make of me.

23:06 Adam I think you still can pull the cervical bleeding off.

23:08 Matt Harber I can do the bleeding.

23:10 Drew Oh, you say, could you pull a transgender thing?

23:12 Matt Harber I could. Or I could just do a rough sex thing.

23:15 Adam I think that's insulting, Drew. That may be insulting.

23:17 Drew No, the rough sex thing will not. No.

23:18 Matt Harber I'm bleeding. I just had some rough sex.

23:20 Drew No, that would not go.

23:21 Adam No, that's going to get you a beating. That's going to get you a broomstick in there. No, I think the trans...

23:26 Drew Transgender thing works.

23:28 Adam How's that one go?

23:29 Drew Listen, I've just had the operation. I'm still living as a man.

23:33 Adam That's catapulting.

23:34 Drew And I'm hammering.

23:35 Adam I'm still living as a man. It's going to get you a beating.

23:37 Drew And I'm hammering. Come on, it's just enough. It's just over the border.

23:43 Adam You're gay. I don't think so, Drew. I think it's going to get you a beating.

23:48 Drew I think it's just over the border. Because, guys, it just triggers too much about their discomfort about the female area and they just go, it's just, ah, even if a man's carrying it.

23:58 Adam I'm just saying if one woman would memorize that little saying that Drew just laid down, she would be scot-free. All right, let's take ourselves a little break. My assistant, Matt, is in here tonight. Star of the Adam Carolla Project on TLC at 10 o'clock on Tuesday nights. Take a quick break. Be right back after this.

24:19 Loveline's phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191. Loveline, with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. We'll be right back.

24:40 Adam There, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Tom Kinney's coming in here, SpongeBob. Oh, Drew, you weren't here last time.

24:49 Drew No, I know, I missed it. I'm really bored of this.

24:50 Adam He was talking like SpongeBob and filthy.

24:53 Where's the Grovenhoof, Prince of Darkness?

24:56 Drew How great is it that he'll do that, and none of the other voices will come, except Seth, technically, Farland Will.

25:02 Adam Something about Bart Simpson.

25:03 Drew Bart Simpson will not give us a single Bart word.

25:05 Adam Well, that's not true with everybody.

25:09 Drew No, a lot of them, but you're saying it's great that he'll break out SpongeBob like crazy.

25:13 Adam Yeah, well, here's the thing. My assistant Matt in tonight from the TLC show, rising star in the cable galaxy, Matt is from, well, he's actually my assistant, plays my assistant on the Adam Carolla Project.

25:25 Drew And you're a feather duster or something. I've never quite heard what happens there, but.

25:28 Adam Yep, he gives a little.

25:29 Drew Chimney sweep, or what the hell?

25:31 Matt Harber Ball cupper.

25:32 Adam He's a ball cupper.

25:33 Drew Chimney sweep, yes.

25:34 Adam He's the third eye duster, he's everything. He's my muse, he's my lover. He's my best friend, he's my therapist. He's Santa and the Easter Bunny, all wrapped up into one. Yeah. 10 o'clock on TLC. My grandmother, I was laughing with Drew about this last night, but Matt hasn't heard it. We always laugh because she's a ball buster. She calls Matt up, wants to know where I am, calls me son of a bitch. She saw episode one, but she faded in and out because she fell asleep. That was, that was her critique.

26:05 Matt Harber Did she tell you that?

26:06 Drew On VCR. Oh, yes. She stayed up late to watch it. She was watching on VCR.

26:10 Matt Harber Honey, she's 93.

26:12 Adam She told me she caught part of the first episode, but she kept drifting in and out. And she has it on cassette.

26:19 Matt Harber She's a woman who gives her a bath. She's really old.

26:23 Adam I know. The thing about my grandmother is, my grandmother's old. My grandmother does not leave the house, and my mom doesn't really leave the house either, but there's a weird compensation thing where they have a busy schedule because they don't leave the house. So it's always like, I'll be like, Grandma, how about I'll come by on Saturday? I'll pay a visit. The lady who gives me a bath is coming on Saturday. It's like, okay, I know your book's solid. Oh, you Donald Trump. Your schedule's like Swiss cheese. There's holes everywhere. Just please. Can we do this? My mom will do that same thing. They're like, I'm very busy. Here's the deal. You can't tell people you're busy. We'll decide whether you're busy or not. You don't have a job and you pick up the phone every time someone calls you, you ain't busy. You know that?

27:09 Drew Yeah, I know that.

27:12 Adam Terrence?

27:13 Yes, yes, Terrence.

27:15 Adam You're 18?

27:17 Caller Yes, sir.

27:18 Adam All right. What's your question, buddy boy?

27:21 Caller My girlfriend is a year older than me. And last year, I went up to visit her up at college while I played a football game that night. And then I visited her. Well, we had intercourse. After that, a week later, she developed herpes. And I have never had, since then, that was about a year ago. Since then, I've never had a breakout, no nothing, but she seems to think that she got it from me. And I don't understand. But the doctor said she had type one down there. I don't understand how, what...

27:47 Drew Well, first of all, it's hard for him to know what type she had. Secondly, do you have...

27:51 Adam Why is it hard for him?

27:52 Drew Because they don't do the viral testing in the cultures and isolate the different types of viruses.

27:56 Adam Is it academic, this point, the type one?

27:58 Drew Yeah, it's completely academic. But the question, then, for you, Terrence, is, were you having oral sex with her? And do you have any... This feels bogus to me.

28:05 Adam It felt bogus from the first syllable, except for some guys have a bogus...

28:10 Drew Cadence, yeah...

28:11 Adam .insincere tone.

28:11 Drew But as I'm answering the question, I'm realizing there's no question. That's what it was set up for to...

28:15 Adam Terrence, please.

28:15 Caller Oh, no, sir, just recently, you brought up a fight about it because she seems to think that she still got it from me, which I never had a cold sore, no nothing.

28:25 Drew Not in your mouth?

28:26 Caller No, sir, not at all.

28:27 Drew Are you having oral...

28:27 Caller That's why this is definitely not bogus because we keep fighting about it.

28:30 Drew Were you having oral sex with her?

28:32 Adam It can't be bogus. They're fighting about it, Drew.

28:34 Drew Were you having oral sex with her at that visit?

28:37 Adam It's mathematically impossible for it to be bogus, Drew, because they're having an argument.

28:41 Drew And if you had unprotected inter-

28:42 Adam He says they're having an argument, so Drew.

28:44 Drew They must be.

28:44 Matt Harber And he calls you sir.

28:45 Adam And he calls you sir.

28:46 Matt Harber That's odd.

28:47 Drew I just like that part.

28:48 Adam Where are you from? The south?

28:49 Caller I'm from West Covina.

28:51 Adam Well, that's the west. Why do you call Drew sir? I like that. Is your dad a military man?

28:56 Caller No, sir. I'm trying to be a firefighter.

28:58 Matt Harber Oh, I love it. Call me sir.

29:00 Adam Yeah.

29:02 Matt Harber Call me sir.

29:03 Adam Call him sir.

29:04 Caller Yes, sir.

29:06 Drew Excuse me.

29:08 Matt Harber I need to step out.

29:11 Adam I like the slow motion you're doing.

29:14 Drew Oh, my God.

29:15 Matt Harber All right.

29:16 Drew I want your Mormon slowed down too. Are you a Mormon? Let's see if they answer that one. Terrence, have you had unprotected intercourse with her since she developed the herpes?

29:29 Caller Yes, sir.

29:30 Drew And then you didn't develop anything on the vaginotillion?

29:33 Caller No, sir. Nothing at all.

29:34 Drew I have to say her diagnosis is in question. Yes. It really questions whether or not she actually had herpes because you should have got it. And now it's possible you've had it all along, didn't know it. And the reason you're not getting subsequent outbreaks is because you're the one that always had it.

29:47 Adam Well, but if he never had...

29:49 Drew It's hard to make that case. It's possible it happened once in a while.

29:52 Adam If he never had an initial breakout.

29:54 Drew They can be missed. There's such a thing.

29:56 Adam He can be a mule. He can be carrying this.

29:58 Drew He can be a carrier, exactly.

29:59 Adam But I don't think so.

30:00 Drew I don't think so either. I think maybe he gave it to her from his mouth, but then why didn't she give it to his genitalia? Which is what would have happened there if he had unprotected sex. Okay.

30:09 Adam All I'm saying is, Terrence is sticking to the story of, how could I give you herpes? I don't have herpes.

30:15 Drew And I'm saying, why don't you get herpes from her if she has herpes?

30:19 Caller Right.

30:19 Adam And then, hey, Terrence?

30:21 Caller Yes, sir?

30:22 Adam I'm buying it. I'm buying your story and I think you should stick to it.

30:25 Caller Well, I don't understand. I think, I don't know whether she might have cheated on me while she was up in college.

30:30 Drew No, no, but Terrence, it does, she's not even behaving, she doesn't even seem to have herpes because she would have given it to you.

30:35 Caller Yes, sir.

30:37 Adam Okay.

30:37 Drew So, she needs to see another gynecologist, right? We get another opinion.

30:40 Adam Where is she going to college?

30:42 Caller Well, she was up at St. Mary's, but now she's back home.

30:45 Drew Well, St. Mary's, you know, it's a test I should have a sex up there, right?

30:47 Adam Oh, over St. Mary's, yeah. Okay, here's the other thing too. It's tough to have a relationship when the person is away from college and you're back doing fireman training and you're 18 and she's 18 and no one trusts anybody. Why do that?

31:00 Drew Yes, sir.

31:01 Adam I mean, here's the thing, everybody. When you go to college, you shouldn't even have a steady who's at your college, but what you really shouldn't do is have a steady who's not at your college because you're going to mixers and parties, you have roommates, isn't there sororities, fraternities, yes, mixers.

31:18 Drew Hamstead mixers.

31:19 Adam What do you mean? Everyone would get in their best half of the party gown and you go around the maypole.

31:23 Drew And you'd eat raccoon code on?

31:25 Adam I'd come out of the raccoon code pole with my Stutz bear cat, 22 skidoo.

31:30 Drew Do you have that mixers at Hampshire?

31:32 Matt Harber We didn't call them mixers.

31:33 Drew Five college mixers.

31:35 Adam No, they didn't have mixers?

31:36 Matt Harber Crap dens.

31:37 Adam Yeah.

31:37 Drew Crap dens?

31:38 Matt Harber Crack.

31:39 Drew Crack dens.

31:40 Adam Thomas?

31:41 Yes.

31:42 Adam You married a girl you're not sexually attracted to?

31:45 Yeah.

31:47 Matt Harber Me too, baby.

31:49 Caller Sorry.

31:50 There's two parts to it though. I'm not very physically attracted to her, but she's got the best personality and I love being around her, but sex is more of a chore.

32:01 Drew How long has it been like that?

32:05 Little bit before she got pregnant because we talked about having a kid and then we ended up saying, hey, let's try this. We tried it twice and one got through.

32:12 Drew Hey, let's try this? You mean try to get pregnant?

32:15 Yeah, try to get pregnant.

32:16 Drew Not try to have sex?

32:17 Yeah, no.

32:19 Drew I just think if you're not into that person sexually, that's gonna be a problem. You're talking about spending a lifetime with somebody and that is gonna be a problem.

32:26 Adam Drew is a man of exquisite passion and we differ a little bit here.

32:31 Drew So for you, it's just a hassle to have sex with your wife?

32:33 Adam Well, here's what I'm saying. You hook up with somebody and you go the long haul. Gay man will back me up on this one.

32:42 Matt Harber I'll back you up.

32:43 Adam Yeah.

32:43 Drew Talking about anal sex again?

32:45 Adam No. What I'm saying is you hook up with somebody and you've been with that same person for 15 or 20 years, you're not gonna be chomping at the bit to hop on them every night. Drew, as a man of passion, does not share those feelings. I can tell you for most guys, at a certain point in the relationship where they still enjoy intimacy and they still enjoy sexual contact, it's not like, oh man, I can't wait to get home, we're gonna do it in the entry hall.

33:11 Drew No.

33:12 Adam So, but there's variations.

33:14 Drew Yeah, but to be 23, just married and sex is a chore. As soon as it becomes a chore, even at 50, that's bad times. Oh really? Sorry, Adam.

33:26 Matt Harber Is it a visual thing?

33:27 Drew Are you not godically attracted to her? Matt, you make sure you're around when he has kids, it's gonna be a change to everything.

33:34 Matt Harber Honey, I'm the wet nurse.

33:35 Adam He's gonna be gone next week.

33:36 Drew Suckling your kids?

33:39 Matt Harber Are you, is it the physical stuff?

33:42 I see that's why I'm not sure. I mean, in the middle of the night, I'll wake up and we'll be going at it. I talked to my brother about it, he said, well, he's had a few issues like that. Like he'll wake up and then she'll be in the full swing of things. And I won't even realize what's going on. And so we went to the doctor and on the scale, on the testosterone scale, I'm like 312. But the doctor said that was within normal ranges. Is that low on the normal ranges or?

34:10 Drew No, it's normal, normal.

34:12 Adam What's normal?

34:13 Drew You can go down to 180, I believe.

34:14 Matt Harber You know what I am on the testosterone scale?

34:17 Probably 2010.

34:18 Matt Harber 10, honey.

34:19 Drew No, there's no, there's no sort of, testosterone is a wide range of normal, so this really isn't a normal for a 23-year-old male. It's really not been established well.

34:27 Adam Okay, is there something physically wrong with that?

34:30 Drew Yes, you're having a sleep disorder. I mean, this is usually trauma survivors that start having sex in the middle of the night. This is part of night terrors and all that stuff.

34:36 Adam What's the part where you talk to your brother about it?

34:38 Drew I know.

34:39 So I asked my brother, I said, Hey, what's going on, man? I'll wake up in the middle of the night and be going at it.

34:43 Adam And he's like, Yeah, I like, what's the part where you ask your brother about it? Hey, man, I asked my brother, I told him my brother. I know. I got that part where you talked to your brother about it.

34:53 Drew Why is that okay is the question.

34:56 Adam Yeah. It's like, wow.

34:57 Drew Why isn't that weird?

34:57 Adam I beat off twice last night. I'm going to get my sister on the phone, man. I'm going to talk to her. What's up? I was, I pulled one off in the shower and another one standing over the sink. What do you think about that? What's going on, sis? Put, put, put my youngest nephew on the phone. I want to see what's going on. Hey, yeah, you're five. If you're a dude, what's up? I know it's weird when you have this, this talk with your brother about banging your wife.

35:20 Drew Something is wrong with either Thomas and or the wife in terms of their, their psychiatric condition.

35:25 Adam Well, let's try to figure something out. Thomas.

35:27 Yes.

35:28 Adam Is there anything wrong with her? Try to be objective, but is there any, any reason why a reasonable man wouldn't want to have sex with her?

35:37 I'm not, well, one thing I know I'm not attracted to is her nipples, but that's the only thing she's got. Rather big nipples, and that's not my cup of tea. Other than that.

35:46 Matt Harber All right.

35:46 Adam Well, now you're, yeah, that's nip-picking as we call it.

35:49 Matt Harber Nip, get it?

35:50 Drew Now, in your, in your sleep, who is it that initiates the sex? She, you think? I mean, does she say you came, you know, middle of the night, you suddenly started doing this to me, or is that she with you?

36:01 Caller I don't, I don't know.

36:03 She says that she, now she'll stop me. She's like, you tried to get friskly with me, and I stopped you.

36:07 Drew You start, okay, were you, were you beaten as a child or anything?

36:11 Well, my dad used a paddle sometimes, but.

36:14 Drew Yeah. All right. Hang on, and was it, God, this has a bogus quality.

36:19 Adam I know, I don't buy it either.

36:20 Drew Everyone's sounding bogus to me tonight, but all right. So.

36:23 Adam Thomas Bogus.

36:25 No.

36:26 Adam Come on, buddy.

36:27 No, I'm trying, I've been trying to call you.

36:29 Adam Okay, hold on a second. Drew, let me explain the bogus quality we're hearing tonight. It's empty, and when you hear empty.

36:36 Drew It's empty, and rehearsed, and sort of, and strangely packed. You know, when my dad realized that was child abuse, he stopped palling me with that six-inch, you know, it's like.

36:44 Adam When your dad realized it was child abuse. Okay, but let me say this, Drew. There's a lot of people that are not in touch with themselves.

36:52 Drew Yes, yes.

36:53 Adam And these people make horrible actors. But everything that comes out of their mouth sounds like bad acting because they're mechanical. I really do believe that there's a percentage of this planet that is walking around like they've just using the human form as a host. I work with these people. They're always behind the counter. I'm always trying to get something from them. They're always in my way somehow. They're asleep in front of me, in front of the stoplight. But a good percentage of this society, and maybe these are people that were survivors of abuse, and maybe these are people that had less than adequate childhoods, but they just seem like they're living in someone else's body, like they're some tiny marsh in the size of an embryo that is controlling this human form. And you say bogus, but really, almost what you're saying is-

37:45 Drew It's empty, yeah.

37:46 Adam Not empty.

37:46 Drew Right. Now, so here's the other question. Thomas, has anybody ever been suspicious that you had a bipolar condition, manic depression?

37:53 No, I've been tested before.

37:56 Drew For bipolar?

37:58 For everything. They sat me down and gave me quizzes and talked to me.

38:01 Drew Why?

38:02 Because of the divorce.

38:04 Drew What divorce?

38:05 My parents went through a divorce and there was a lot of things that went on with it.

38:10 Drew Like what?

38:11 Well, my dad beat my mom and then my dad pulled a gun on my mom.

38:15 Drew All right, well, that's where your nocturnal stuff is coming from. That's where your sleep disorder is coming from.

38:19 Adam That's terrorizing to a child.

38:20 Drew Yes. So this is your condition. You've got some issues that need to be dealt with.

38:28 How do I go about starting to deal with them?

38:30 Drew I would see a psychiatrist. There are all kinds of night time terrors and behaviors that can be-

38:36 Adam It's calling from New Mexico. Is she shaming?

38:38 Drew No, she's not shaming. Something like that might be wrong. There are as many different-

38:49 Adam Don't validate parking.

38:51 Drew Medications for this. There are some medications. And I have a suspicion that even your feelings of- This is why this thing's strong.

39:00 Adam How come Indians talk like they're shifting gears? You know, it sounds like they're going through like a six-speed transmission. Occasionally, they grind. Downshift in the car, then it's back in. They really mimic the car transmission.

39:21 Drew One of the reasons this trick called troubled me so much is I think the reason he's getting into this I'm not attracted business is he was attracted, but now that he's married, that means horrible abuse and chaos and stuff. He's sort of pulling out by saying, you know, I'm not really into this. I don't want to be too close. So really, Thomas, you're just new in this marriage. Get some help, buddy.

39:39 Adam What do you do for a living?

39:41 Actually, I'm an EMT.

39:43 Adam EMT, all right.

39:44 Drew Yeah, this is all, there's a lot of stuff going on with you that you apparently are not aware of, but the singular symptom that is troubling is these nocturnal behavioral manifestations where you start spontaneously having sex with your wife in your sleep. You probably also sleepwalk, have terrors, that kind of thing. That's all from that horrible experience.

40:01 Adam Get that looked into. Now, Drew, one of the things we've always differed on a little is I've always said the 23-year-old guy who gets it on in the middle of the night, you've always said, oh, night terrors and whatever, sleeping disorder. I've always said, well, all 23-year-old guys do that. You've always said how disturbing that was. And I've always been like, 23-year-old guys get crazy boners at four in the morning and they want to put it somewhere.

40:26 Drew Yes, and wake up, want to put it somewhere. They don't wake up in the middle of an orgasm. You know what I mean?

40:31 Adam But I argue, and we always argue that there's this sort of fuzzy line between awake and what you remember. And it's like getting up and it's like that phone call in the middle of the night where you have the conversation, you hang up and it's like you don't remember it because you were asleep but yet you were lucid enough to carry on and have a conversation. I think that's what happens to a lot of guys.

40:53 Drew I understand it's not, I can tell you for sure it's considered an abnormal behavior.

40:57 Adam Really?

40:58 Drew Yeah, it is.

40:59 Adam But as a man of passion, surely you engage in that.

41:01 Drew I'm just saying. I didn't say I was always normal.

41:03 Adam Alright, alright.

41:05 Matt Harber What about our nipples? Can we get them taken down a notch to at least die inside?

41:09 Drew His thing is he's afraid of closeness because he's afraid of the chaos erupting that happened in his family of origin.

41:14 Adam Alright, we will take ourselves a little break. My assistant man is in studio tonight from the TLC show we do, The Adam Carolla Project, Tuesday Nights, 10 o'clock, TLC. Take a quick break, be right back after this.

41:27 Thank you for calling Loveline, your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

41:55 Adam Hey, everybody, I'm Loveline.

41:56 Caller I'm Loveline.

41:57 Adam It's Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That's Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew is talking on the phone. I guess he's calling the hospital or something. Turn your back, Drew, please. We don't need to overhear that conversation. My assistant is in the studio tonight. Matt, I need a little warm up on the coffee.

42:10 Matt Harber That's right away.

42:11 Adam Thanks, sweet guy. Matt is featured on the Adam Carolla Project on TLC. Ten o'clock on Tuesday nights on TLC. And like I said, I've done a lot of shows. I don't talk about all of them, but this one is a good show. You're gonna want to see it. And you're gonna see me check Matt out in the flesh. All right, you want to talk to Jason, who's 29 and has a reverse ED. He stays erect for two hours after sex or, quiet, Drew, overly submissive shes-shes-shes-seta? Overly submissive therapy groups. I don't know, I'm going to talk to the guy with the year-long boner. Jason?

42:50 Caller Adam.

42:51 Matt Harber Corolla.

42:53 Caller I got my friends doing it in the pool, and their kids, too.

42:55 Adam Thank you. I do really think that if we all push, we can replace Marco Polo with Adam Corolla by the year 2007.

43:03 Caller That's right. It will happen, Adam. It will.

43:05 Adam Thank you, thank you. All right, hold on a second. Drew, turn your back, turn your back, buddy, your back. Jason?

43:15 Caller Yes.

43:16 Adam Sorry, I told Drew to turn around. Go ahead.

43:19 Caller I want to know if it's normal, because pretty much what's happening is I'll have sex with my girlfriend, and after about like normal, I guess what, two to five minutes, I'll come, and then after that I stay erect, and cannot have an orgasm between like the period of time, and it takes me a long time, or it takes her a long time to give me a hand job, or just keep having sex, and after a while it actually starts to hurt.

43:44 Drew Why do you keep having sex?

43:44 Adam Let me explain the cutoff for hand job. Twenty-five, there'll be no more hand jobs given after age 25.

43:51 Caller Okay, I'll make sure to tell her that.

43:52 Adam It goes out with Sunny D and thick crust pizza. There's no need for a hand job. I'm telling you, if I was standing next to Claudia Schiffer, and she's like, you want a hand job? I'd be like, no. Well, it's a hand job or nothing. Nothing. I don't care who it was. I don't care who it was. I've outgrown the hand job.

44:11 Drew Yeah, yeah. Disappointing.

44:12 Adam When I look up into my life's rear-view mirror, you know what I see?

44:15 Drew Hand jobs.

44:16 Adam That's right.

44:17 Drew Now, I understand he's complaining that he doesn't get soft after ejaculating and yet he continues to have sex?

44:24 Caller Exactly.

44:25 Drew Well, of course.

44:26 Adam But then he can't ejaculate.

44:27 Drew Of course, you're in your refractory phase, and as long as you continue to stimulate yourself, you will stay erect. Why don't you stop all that?

44:33 Caller Even after, like I can stop and like an hour later, it's still like semi-erect at least.

44:38 Adam Yeah, semi-erect.

44:40 Drew Yeah, you're 20, you're young and you go.

44:43 Matt Harber You should put it in your waistband.

44:44 Drew You got any medication?

44:45 Adam Yes. I've told Drew this. Oh, hold on. This is bogus.

44:49 Caller I know.

44:49 Adam I don't believe this call.

44:50 Caller It's not bogus because I've been listening to you guys for the bogus thing all night long, have been worried about calling on this because I thought you guys would think it would be bogus.

44:57 Adam But I don't understand what the question is.

44:59 Drew I understand why it's a problem.

45:00 Caller I was wondering if it's just, the question is, is it normal?

45:03 Drew Yes. It's not normal when it's painful. That's called priapism.

45:07 Adam Yeah. Look, Matt brings up a very valid point, which is put it in your waistband.

45:13 Matt Harber That's for Linda.

45:14 Adam Yeah.

45:16 Matt Harber Shout out to my girl.

45:17 Adam Here's the thing, when you have an erection.

45:23 Drew I think it better run.

45:25 Adam Here's the thing, when you try to take your erection and push it down, it tries to push up because it goes against the pressure. You tuck it in your waistband, it just, it just drains.

45:36 Drew Yeah.

45:36 Adam It is the, it is the slide whistle going the other direction.

45:40 Drew This is the useful part of our studies.

45:42 Adam Slides. Yes. Oh my, Kenny did an entire semester on what you should do with your boner. Oh yeah, it's true.

45:49 Drew It's called your boner and you.

45:50 Adam Your boner and you. Oh my God. I went to Valley College and took a human sexuality class and I think they had a tranny get up there and speak.

45:58 Drew Oh, interesting.

45:59 Adam Yeah. There's where your taxpayers' dollars are going everybody.

46:03 Drew But I'm just old trannies. I was one. I never see them. They're like 60s.

46:05 Adam Old trannies never die.

46:09 Drew Right?

46:09 Matt Harber I was in a play with an old tranny who worked construction, 60s.

46:15 Adam Here's the thing about everything old that has its day, whether it's trannies or tats or badge piercings or whatever it is, when it gets old, look out. Old tats, old hood piercings, old trannies, they go south in a big way. Here's what you want to be. You want to be old. You want to be Asian and have no markings on your body. That makes the best old person right there.

46:40 Drew Asian?

46:40 Adam Yeah.

46:41 Drew African American.

46:42 Adam Yeah, that's good too, but you could be missing a leg or something from diabetes. You don't need to take care of it when you're 30. I'm switching to Asian now. Plus, when you're old and you're black, people just think you're crazy. When you're Asian, you have wisdom. Wisdom. Yeah. All right. We're going to say good night, good bye and mahalo to my wonderful assistant, Matt, who is from the TLC project, the Adam Carolla Project. Matt, God love you.

47:07 Matt Harber Thank you for having me.

47:08 Adam Nice work. Don't be late tomorrow, buddy. I won't.

47:12 Drew That's why I say you've got to come get some sleep.

47:14 Adam Yeah. Easy on the snot rockets in the coffee. Don't think I know. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

47:30 Caller Loveline will be right back.

47:54 Adam Hey, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191-er. My assistant, Matt, from the TLC show has left the building. And he has...

48:07 Drew He's the gayest man in America.

48:09 Adam I think he may be.

48:10 Drew He's committed.

48:12 Adam Well...

48:12 Drew He addresses the part, and he has studied the part.

48:16 Adam Studied. Studies.

48:18 Matt Harber Like Pamela Anderson studies girls.

48:20 Adam Queer studies. What do you mean?

48:23 Caller He's almost like a gay impersonator.

48:26 Matt Harber He's so gay, he's like...

48:27 Drew Right, he's a gay, gay dresser. Over the top. Interesting. He fetishizes being gay.

48:33 Matt Harber Well...

48:33 Drew Interesting.

48:34 Adam You know, it's sort of like those guys who have a team and they wear the jersey around a lot, and it becomes part of their personality. You know?

48:43 Caller I don't know about that, honey.

48:45 Drew You study those penguins, you study those pirates.

48:47 Matt Harber I don't walk like a penguin, though, and I hate the pirates.

48:50 Drew All right, you study the steelers, you study the penguins.

48:53 Matt Harber He doesn't walk like a penguin.

48:56 Adam I know, he's sort of staggers. All right, let's move forward, shall we?

49:01 Caller Yeah.

49:02 Adam Natalie? We'll talk to Natalie. Natalie?

49:06 Hi, how are you?

49:09 Adam What's up?

49:10 I have a question for Dr. Drew. I just started dating this guy, and I'd like to go down on him, but his, I don't know how to say this, but his semen is very acidic, and when I swallow, it's not tasty, and it's water-sweet.

49:29 Adam My semen is acidic. Acidic? Yes. Chewy. It's not gooey, it's chewy. It's not acidic, it's acidic. Acidic.

49:40 Drew Nice, nice.

49:40 Adam Yeah.

49:42 Drew Go ahead, Natalie. Has a good nose, though.

49:43 Adam Oh, yes. Beautiful bouquet.

49:46 Drew Go ahead.

49:47 So I'm wondering if, you know, the old wives' tale that you can drink pineapple juice and make your semen taste better.

49:53 Drew Never seen that actually reproduced. I've had people try it, and people claim it.

49:57 Adam We've tried it on this show.

49:59 Drew Yeah, we did on this show once as a taste test, and it did do a thing.

50:01 Adam I wasn't here, but it must have been, it must have been 15 years ago.

50:04 Drew Yep, I'd say.

50:05 Adam I remember hearing that show when I was driving around my truck.

50:08 Drew Yep, 15 years ago, and it didn't do a damn thing. People could not tell.

50:13 Adam Is that how the test ended up?

50:14 Drew Yeah, some of the guys did it, some of the girls all came back with all over the map. Not one got it right. Not one could tell whether the pineapple juice had been drank or not.

50:23 Adam All right, so wives' tale. Here's the thing. Do you have to ingest it or couldn't you just sort of transport it to the sink?

50:31 Caller Absolutely, and there's no, I mean, because I can give him head and not swallow, that's fine. I would just prefer to swallow, but it wasn't like this with my husband.

50:38 Adam I know, but why would you prefer to swallow?

50:43 Less mess.

50:46 Adam Well, okay, hold on a second. Again, we used to discuss this quite a bit. It's been a while.

50:53 Drew Well, here's the first-

50:53 Adam I feel like we need to go over the beats again.

50:55 Drew First, let's discuss the whole issue of trying to make things come out of your body, taste, smell, look better than they do. Right. Can you make snot come out of your nose, look and taste differently?

51:05 Adam Well, here's the thing, if I ate nothing but that marshmallow topping, my fecal matter would be almost edible. You would want me to take a duke on your sundae.

51:16 Drew On a cone?

51:17 Adam Yes, put- you like the waffle?

51:20 Drew Just the sugar cone.

51:20 Adam Or like the sugar cone? Sugar cone? All right, hold that under my ass. I've been eating-

51:25 Drew Just whipped cream and strawberries.

51:27 Adam I've been drinking the marshmallow right out of the jar.

51:30 Drew Perfect.

51:31 Adam And I will drop a marshmallow-y duke on top of your soft swirl.

51:36 Drew That's the same thing as trying to make your semen get-

51:38 Adam Your body converts everything into something that tastes horrible.

51:41 Drew Yeah, it converts into what it converts it into. Now, you could probably make things worse sometimes. I mean, garlic sort of make things worse and stuff, but how does- How do you- literally, let's take the pancreas as the paradigm. Pancreas is a gland that secretes stuff into your bowel. How do you make that taste differently or work differently? You can't, no matter what, you know?

52:00 Adam Yeah, and I do think just like, well, if you eat a bunch of garlic, maybe you get a little BO or a little breath or something the following day.

52:06 Drew I think it's more the smell.

52:07 Adam But your BO is never going to be good. Right. There's nothing that you can eat that's going to make your BO smell good. No. It has a choice between bad and worse. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that semen could go from bad to worse too, depending on if you eat Mexican that night.

52:23 Drew Well, asparagus isn't going to help.

52:25 Adam You're not going to help. You're just not going to make it any better by eating pineapple juice.

52:29 Drew This is sort of a range, and it's not good.

52:31 Adam And then talk about pressure on a guy. He's got to finish off four quarts of pineapple juice every day because he may get a hummer when he goes home. And then thirdly, again-

52:41 Drew The guy's not interested in ingesting the goods.

52:46 Adam There are a handful of guys who are the prove you love me guys, who it's not enough that I get a BJ. You must do something that discusses you. That's anal sex guy. That's what I'm going as on Halloween, by the way.

53:00 Drew Good look.

53:01 Adam Big brown cape.

53:02 Drew Nice, nice.

53:03 Adam Corn cob earrings.

53:04 Drew Yes, the people are calling you.

53:06 Adam Anal sex guy. Big A on my chest.

53:09 Drew Carrying a big corn on the cob.

53:10 Adam Huge staff. Corn on the cob staff. Brown cape. Knee-high boots. That's going to be awesome. Anal sex guy. Yeah, that's good. Okay. Yes, anal sex guy and this guy are oftentimes the same guy, which is, prove it, baby. Take it. Oh, and as soon as you say, well, I'm really not comfortable. Oh, you're not?

53:30 Drew Yeah.

53:30 Adam Now you got to prove it to me. That's a weird guy. That's a guy who turns sex into something else. Like, it's not just, oh, this feels good. Am I dingling? This is, it's got to haunt you. It's got to bother you. I have to disgrace you, soil you. I'm getting a boner.

53:46 Drew Oh, Jesus Christ.

53:48 Adam Anal sex guy. Here's, here's, here's the thing. We need you to not interrupt the BJ at the point of orgasm. That's what we need. What you do with the semen after you collect it.

54:01 Drew They have to be collected. And it can kind of...

54:04 Adam None of our bees wax.

54:05 Drew Right.

54:06 Adam Well, look, here's the thing. And I always use this analogy, but once in a while you grab that thing of milk out of the refrigerator, you take a swig of it, and it's, oh my God, this stuff's gone bad. You know it without swallowing it. It just goes to your mouth. This is sour cream. Now, do you spit it all over the refrigerator, or you just walk over the sink, drop it in the sink, and get a quick rinse? That's how it works.

54:27 Drew Mature adult does it that way.

54:28 Adam All right. Natalie, can't you do that just like it's bad milk?

54:32 Caller Sure. Thank you guys. I appreciate it. Okay.

54:35 Adam And listen, fellas, we don't know the disservice guys are doing to each other between giving chicks a choice between swallow or nothing. Oh, no, there's a huge middle step in there, which is just receive in transport.

54:53 Drew Or just whatever. Just don't stop.

54:56 Adam Here's the deal. You ain't the gas station. You ain't the refinery. You're the tanker truck. I just need you to bring it over to the toilet. That's it. I have a tankload of semen. I need it brought to the toilet. Could you bring that over there for me? Yes?

55:13 Drew Yeah.

55:14 Adam Okay.

55:18 Caller It's Shasida.

55:19 Drew It's Shasida, of course. It's going to be something different. Here we go.

55:23 Adam Does everyone mispronounce your name?

55:25 Caller Yeah.

55:26 It's really weird in Gaelic and yeah.

55:28 Adam Do you correct everyone all day, every day?

55:31 Pretty much.

55:31 Drew Don't you curse your parents?

55:33 Adam No, you have to stay on hold. Because here's the thing. Do not correct them.

55:40 Drew Line two. John. That'll be easy. John's a name you can do a handle.

55:43 Matt Harber All right.

55:45 Adam Joan?

55:47 Drew Jahan?

55:47 Adam Jahan?

55:49 Yeah.

55:49 Drew Yeah.

55:50 That's probably John.

55:51 Drew There you go.

55:52 Adam All right. And do we need two Johns? He's J-O-O. Oh no. And I'm not some idiot who has to correct you all the time. They'll see you writing something down if you're just making a note or something. J-O-H, J-O-A. No, you wrote J-O-A. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you think? I'm at the DMV right now? Just jotting the name down on a post-it. That's all. It's J-O-H-N. What is it with that? Here's what we've drew. Do you understand the society we're now living in?

56:21 Drew Oh, yes, I do.

56:22 Adam We're living in a society where there's six different spellings for every goddamn name and every single person feels entitled and they're all wounded narcissists, so now they have to go around correcting everyone all the time. Joe, no, that's not, that's not, no. Su-Zay, not that, no, Su-Zay.

56:38 Drew The Z.

56:39 Adam The Z. It's S-U-Z-Z-Z-A.

56:42 Drew Two Ns.

56:43 Adam Four Ns in trees. No, no, no, no, it's not Andrea.

56:53 Drew Amy, A-I-M-E-E.

56:57 Adam No, no, you, no, A, no, it's not A-M-Y. It's A-M, okay. Is anyone ever? By the way, are you ever going to get it right? Stephen, no, it's S-T-E-P-H-E-N. Okay, really? Is this what we need? Even if it's pronounced the same way, we need six goddamn spellings for every name and then everyone has to correct everyone all the time? Just leave everyone alone. I swear to Christ, my wife calls me Alan, I don't say anything. John?

57:32 Caller Yeah.

57:33 Adam What's that? 22?

57:35 Wait, what's this?

57:36 Adam You're 22?

57:37 Caller Yeah.

57:38 Adam Are you J-O-H-N or J-O-N?

57:40 J-O-N.

57:42 Adam All right, okay, simple.

57:43 Drew Simple, yeah.

57:44 Adam Go ahead.

57:46 Okay, I have a question. I'm having a really hard time reconciling my sexuality with my faith and I was kind of hoping I'd get to talk to you guys' guest tonight, but he's not there, so I'll just talk to you.

57:59 Adam Yeah, I'll ask him tomorrow when I see him. Go ahead. Oh, hey, thanks.

58:03 All right, so I'm bi and... Bye-bye.

58:07 Matt Harber Bye-bye. All right.

58:10 I'm like, I've been raised Christian and, you know, I'm at like a place in my life where I'm, you know, questioning everything that I was ever raised with and, you know, there's just a part of my sexuality that says, hey, you know, we gotta go out and screw guys from time to time. I was just, you know, but, you know, the book that I've been raised is like supposed to be like 100% accurate, so on and so forth is like telling me that that's wrong. And, you know, you're brainwashed with something all your life and, you know, it kind of gets in and you know, brainwashed.

58:43 Adam Yeah. Well, well, look, here's the thing, John, first off, you're gay, you know, not bi.

58:48 Drew Let's be clear here.

58:49 Adam You don't go out and bang a guy's ass every once in a while and then you're on the vagina so next second Tuesday.

58:54 Drew No, that's bye-bye.

58:55 Adam You're just gay. Go ahead and be gay. We give you permission to be gay.

58:59 Drew Right.

58:59 Adam Even if your Christian upbringing doesn't want you to be gay, it's okay for us, for you to be gay.

59:05 Well, here's the other question then. So then you're saying that because I'm attracted to guys every once in a while, I can't be attracted to girls at all ever?

59:12 Adam You can be attracted in your own sort of rational sort of way, but you're gay.

59:18 Okay, so I have a question. Are you guys like straight?

59:22 Adam No, we're 69-ing right now. I've got a microphone up Drew's ass.

59:26 Well, yeah, okay. Well, then do you guys ever like look at a guy and say, yeah, he's kind of hot?

59:32 Drew No.

59:33 Adam No, here's what you can do as a straight guy. I will give you the parameters of a straight guy. You can recognize the difference between attractive men and unattractive men.

59:45 Drew Even that's hard for what women do. Sometimes women look as a straight guy.

59:51 Adam I look in the mirror and I see someone hot staring back at me. I'm not an idiot. Okay. I'm not going to pretend like I'm blind. Okay. No, we know that Ricky Martin is an attractive man and Andre the Giant wasn't the best looking guy on the hell of a wrestler. Great hair, but not a great looking man. So we know the difference between good looking men and unattractive men. That's number one. Number two, we are probably, like all human beings, probably attracted to the healthier, better looking, more virile guys. Even guys, even straight guys, if they're going to have buddies, they'll go out and want to hang out with the guy with the cleft in his chin that all the chicks love. A, just get some little more run-off, Boon Tang, but the other thing is, I believe there's a component, put him on hold, he's been scoffing into the phone, I believe there's a component to all human beings that are just attracted to healthy and virile.

1:00:51 Drew However, I was just involved in a functional MRI scan of heterosexual men where they show you images of naked men and all the men had threat responses in their brain.

1:01:00 Adam Really?

1:01:01 Drew Yeah, I did too and I had no subjective experience. I was just looking at pictures of me as a guy. My brain went, boom, the amygdala lights up with these threads. That's crazy.

1:01:11 Adam All right, so that's about as far as guys take it. Now, when straight guys see gay pornography, they find it physically repulsive.

1:01:20 Drew Absolutely.

1:01:21 Adam As nothing?

1:01:22 Drew The whole idea of that is just you can't even... It's equivalent to thinking of your parents having sex.

1:01:28 Adam Yes.

1:01:29 Drew It's that same feeling, like, wha...

1:01:31 Adam Right. Now, here's what the left would like you to think. Here's what all the fag hags over at Sarah Lawrence would like you to think. And here's what the liberal left elite academics would like you to think. They like to think that our minds are poisoned. That's just closed, narrow thinking. And societal pressures, heterosexual, societal, right-wing pressures have forced all males to retch when they see gay pornography.

1:01:55 Drew Untrue.

1:01:56 Adam Untrue. That is built into our fabric. If you are straight, it is carved in your DNA, that if you happen to just flip the channels and see a couple guys cornhole in each other, you will have to hold your hand up and avert your gaze. Pardon the pun.

1:02:12 Drew You will not be angry with those guys.

1:02:14 Adam You'll not have to go bash them. You'll not have to urinate into a fire hydrant, get in the back of your friends. 72 love pickup truck and drive up and down Ventura Boulevard when you're in high school, spraying the urine under pressure.

1:02:26 Drew Okay. Oh, yeah. Okay.

1:02:28 Adam Wow.

1:02:29 Drew All right. I'll check the records.

1:02:31 Adam Wow. Hypothetically, you will not have to do any of that. You will have to change the channel. Otherwise, you're in danger of vomiting.

1:02:40 Drew Yes, that's right.

1:02:41 Adam Drew is liberal. I am liberal. I give a rat's ass what you do with your boyfriend's ass. You show me explicit gay porn. I have to turn and look the other way. I can, however, watch Joe Theismann get his femur cracked, but I cannot watch this. And that's how straight guys are. And as I've said many times, it's a wonder there's not more gay bashing, considering 100% of males find other males, straight males, find that males engaging in explicit gay sex repulsive and hard to look at.

1:03:14 Drew Impossible to look at.

1:03:15 Adam Impossible to look at. So, John.

1:03:19 Oh, yeah.

1:03:20 Drew So that's why we know you're gay.

1:03:21 Adam That's why we know you're gay.

1:03:23 Okay, but see, this is the thing. Be a naked chick, spring an erection. Be a guy, spring an erection.

1:03:28 Adam It'll change.

1:03:30 Drew It'll sort of focus in, but...

1:03:32 Adam It'll narrow in on the guy.

1:03:33 Drew It also suggests a little sexual compulsion, and maybe you were sexually abused growing up, and that's where that all kind of comes from.

1:03:40 Caller Okay.

1:03:41 Adam What happened?

1:03:42 Well, okay, when I was eight, my cousin molested me, and...

1:03:46 Drew All right, well, there you go. That's how that happens.

1:03:48 Adam All right, now let's talk about Christianity. You say you're Christian?

1:03:53 I... Well, I try to be.

1:03:55 Adam And your family is very religious?

1:03:58 Uh, very religious mother, very non-religious father.

1:04:01 Adam All right, well, listen to him. I mean, look, you're...

1:04:06 Drew Well, here's...

1:04:06 He, like, beat me. I don't want to listen to him. He's a jerk.

1:04:08 Drew If he beats you, you're beaten and sexually abused.

1:04:11 Adam All right, you're gay.

1:04:12 Drew So this is a bad combo, John.

1:04:14 Adam Here's the thing, John.

1:04:19 Caller Yeah, screw you guys, I hate you both.

1:04:21 Adam John. All right, so I'm in a seat.

1:04:24 Matt Harber I hate speaker phones and he's on...

1:04:26 Adam All right, John.

1:04:27 Drew He's beat by his dad, so everybody's abusing him.

1:04:29 Adam Sorry, John, first promise, do not come out to LA. Do not be an actor, don't come out here pursuing your dreams and modeling or acting or anything. Please stay in Idaho. Please, please, you horrible other cities, stop sending us your A-holes for us to contend with, because that's all Los Angeles is turning into, a bunch of A-holes on a freeway in front of me. Stay in Idaho and pursue whatever dreams you have to pursue. Get some therapy. If you're sexually molested or physically molested...

1:04:56 Drew Physical abuse, sexual abuse, that's a bad combo, John.

1:04:59 Adam That's right.

1:04:59 Drew Does this all be clearer for you if as you sort of get some individual therapy? That's really what needs to happen.

1:05:05 Adam Thirdly, don't be... do not go through life. The worst thing you can do is go through life conflicted. I'm gay, but I don't want to be gay. I think that every time I do something, Jesus is looking at me.

1:05:18 Drew Maybe he'll find out he's not gay or something. Because it is all about the sexual abuse in him. And he didn't have overt long-standing sexual abuse. It's almost more the trauma with the dad. It really pushed him over the edge.

1:05:28 Adam All right. Angry. Just please stay in Idaho.

1:05:33 Caller Please.

1:05:35 Adam Please. Please. Please. Do you know how hard it is to live out here your whole life and have bus loads of A-holes, angry victims of abuse, self-entitled victims of abuse, get dropped off at your doorstep on a daily basis? Who can't drive? Oh, yeah.

1:05:58 Yeah.

1:05:59 Adam What's up, baby doll? I'm sorry. I had to put you on hold for 20 minutes because you corrected me on the pronunciation of your name.

1:06:05 I'm sorry.

1:06:06 Matt Harber All right.

1:06:07 Adam And you told me you correct everyone all day. Don't correct people. Let them pronounce it how they're going to pronounce it unless you're dating them.

1:06:15 Okay.

1:06:16 Matt Harber Okay.

1:06:16 Adam What's up?

1:06:18 Well, I'm absurdly submissive with my boyfriend's current and present. And I just want to know kind of like.

1:06:26 Adam Current and present?

1:06:27 Yeah.

1:06:28 Drew What does that mean?

1:06:29 Adam What do you mean past and current?

1:06:32 Drew What do you mean by, what do you mean, what does that mean, overly submissive? Describe that.

1:06:36 Well, like, if they ask me for something, I'll immediately give it to them without second thought. And I don't have the time to consider the repercussions of my actions.

1:06:45 Drew Like, give me an example.

1:06:47 Like, recently with my current boyfriend, I just gave him my virginity. And...

1:06:53 Drew This is what you're obsessing about.

1:06:55 Adam Yeah.

1:06:55 Drew All right. And by the way, you know, all right, keep going.

1:06:59 Adam All right. You're 17. That's normal.

1:07:02 Caller Yeah. I was hoping to say it till marriage, but, and then, like, I'm overly obsessive, too. Like, I'm very clingy and extremely just...

1:07:10 Drew All right.

1:07:11 Adam Let me, let me explain the virginity thing. It's, it, it's right up there with the veterinarian thing.

1:07:16 Drew Yeah.

1:07:17 Adam There's not a seventh-grade girl on the planet that you don't talk to that isn't going to be a virgin till she's married. She's going to give it away to her husband on the wedding night. And who isn't going to be a veterinarian? Check back with most of them about the 10th or 11th grade. Let's see how that dream's going.

1:07:32 Drew Oh, boy.

1:07:33 Adam On both counts. I swear to Christ, if you took 1,000 seventh-grade girls, sixth, seventh, and eighth-grade girls, and said, what do you want to do? And tell me about your hymen. Which I will do, Drew.

1:07:46 Drew I'm sure that's a study you're going to do.

1:07:48 Adam 986 of them would be like, veterinarian?

1:07:52 Drew Veterinarian.

1:07:53 Adam I'm going to be working on ponies.

1:07:55 Drew And dolphins.

1:07:55 Adam And I will be a virgin working on ponies when I'm 25. That's and if the hymen goes, it's only because I'm right bareback. That's how I will do it. Now, you get hold of them in the 10th grade. Yeah, I've been with nine guys and while I'm on academic probation, I'm actually going to continuation school. Actually, I've been held back. Yeah, been held back two grades. Yeah, that's how that goes.

1:08:21 Drew And so this really, let's just see.

1:08:25 Adam Oh, she's say that. Oh, she's say that.

1:08:27 Drew She say that you're putting all these labels and interpretations on things you don't really understand.

1:08:33 Adam She say that you want to work with animals?

1:08:35 Caller No.

1:08:36 Adam What do you want to do?

1:08:37 Caller I want to be a writer.

1:08:39 Adam Oh, what kind of stuff?

1:08:41 Caller Mostly fiction, like fictional kind of historical fiction.

1:08:47 Adam Hmm, time machine stuff.

1:08:51 Drew It's like Henry the 8th.

1:08:52 Adam You can't disturb anything when you go back.

1:08:54 Caller All right.

1:08:54 Caller I'm also into fantasy, like vampire and...

1:08:57 Caller Uh-oh.

1:08:59 Adam Molested? Physical abuse?

1:09:02 Caller Yeah.

1:09:03 Adam Which one?

1:09:04 Caller Both.

1:09:06 Drew Yeah, both. Yeah, both.

1:09:08 Adam I swear, Drew, I'm telling you, I'm going to make a checklist for your sons when they start dating.

1:09:13 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:09:13 Adam You're a vampire. You show me.

1:09:15 Drew Yeah.

1:09:16 Adam Here's a chick you want. Are you in a vampire? What's a vampire? You're in. You don't want... Hi, I kind of do have a blood fetish. Any fetish?

1:09:25 Drew You're just not cool, man. You're not open-minded.

1:09:27 Adam Yeah, I'm not open-minded.

1:09:28 Drew You're too judgmental.

1:09:29 Adam Yeah, yeah. I know your uncle molested you, and now magically you have this fetish, and now it's up to the world to take your fetish seriously. Hey, she thinks she's a vampire bat. Yeah, she's troubled. She needs therapy. Oh, whoa, whoa.

1:09:46 Drew Yeah, what a judgmental.

1:09:48 Adam Whoa.

1:09:49 Drew Not everybody has money and time for that kind of thing.

1:09:51 Adam Yeah. Who molested you?

1:09:54 Caller My best friend's cousin.

1:09:55 Drew That's beautiful. How old were you?

1:09:59 Caller Eight and nine.

1:10:01 Adam Eight and nine. And how old was the guy?

1:10:07 Drew Yeah, he was... You can feel okay about the fact that he was no doubt abused and sexually abused. I'm sure.

1:10:12 Adam Okay, baby, how about a little therapy for this?

1:10:15 Drew Here's the deal. What you're describing is problems with boundaries. That you can't say no, you can't establish boundaries, you sort of dissolve into the other person when you're with them. And that is a very... The trauma survivors get that. You were sexually abused, physically abused, that's what happens from that. You need to get in a treatment situation where you learn to reestablish those boundaries of the self, learn to regulate your feelings, so you can have closeness without being overtaken by other people. It's not about submissiveness. This is about serious problems with boundaries and dysfunction in your relationship.

1:10:47 Adam Are you angry?

1:10:48 Drew It's only going to get worse as you get older.

1:10:50 Adam Are you angry at your boyfriend? Do you feel like he coaxed your virginity away from you?

1:10:55 Caller No, not at all.

1:10:57 Drew You just said that you submitted to it without thinking of the consequences.

1:11:01 Adam You took it away. Are you angry with him?

1:11:03 Drew Of course.

1:11:04 Caller No. It's both ways.

1:11:07 Caller He'll ask me and I'll give it and then sometimes he won't even ask and I'll just feel like I kind of want to give it away.

1:11:14 Adam Well here's the thing about your virginity. You can't pass it back and forth.

1:11:18 Caller Well I mean he'll ask for other sexual pleasures and I'll just...

1:11:22 Caller Okay.

1:11:23 Adam And I hope he says pleasures by the way.

1:11:28 Drew And by the way, wasn't he a virgin?

1:11:29 Adam Wedge, I desire sexual pleasures. Come hither.

1:11:34 Drew All right, look. Get some treatment. You really need it. You owe it to yourself. Relationships are going to be a very, very unpleasant place for you to try to have a good life.

1:11:43 Adam As we've said many times on this show, when you're a girl and you've had your bell rung at a young age, but you have all this sexual power, it is scary and dangerous. You become like that kid from The Twilight Zone who can wish people out into the cornfield.

1:12:00 Drew Right.

1:12:01 Adam I mean, think about this, Drew. I had a crappy childhood.

1:12:04 Drew Back to the corn again.

1:12:05 Adam When I, I had a crappy childhood, but when I was 15 or 16 or 17, I had no juice.

1:12:10 Drew Right.

1:12:11 Adam There's nothing I could do.

1:12:12 Drew Except say yes to the man.

1:12:14 Adam It's not that I could do. It's play a little sports, take it out on the field. But if somebody said to me, if there were 25-year-old women that were interested in taking me out, oh my God. You said to me, listen, Adam, it's wrong. Just don't do it.

1:12:29 Drew And study some more.

1:12:30 Adam Some chick was going to pull up and honk her horn at 1030 at night, and it was going to crawl out my window and whatever. Were you kidding? Would have been all over it.

1:12:38 Drew Oh my God.

1:12:39 Adam So we talk to screwed up people all the time and tell them, look, don't just don't do this. Meanwhile, guys are coming at them left and right because they have this magical power. They're an attractive 17 year old. We tell them it's wrong. You need therapy. Don't listen to it.

1:12:53 Drew No way.

1:12:53 Adam But it's attention, attention, attention.

1:12:55 Drew It's gratification. It feels good. It's regulation. It's satisfaction. And it's feeling like I've validated as a person.

1:13:02 Adam And you know what it is? It's like a jock. It's like a guy who runs a 4-4-40 and he bench presses 400 pounds. And he's the captain of the football team. And you're telling them, look, you have to study. You can't go to parties. And now look, people are going to come up because you're a celebrity on campus. We really need you to stay in Friday night and focus on your studies. No way. No way. Screw it. I want to bang some cheerleaders. And well, what about college? I'll get into college because I'm that great. You know what I mean?

1:13:31 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

1:13:32 Adam How do you get that? And then once in a while, you do find the rare scholar athlete.

1:13:37 Drew I know we got to figure we got to study him like him.

1:13:39 Adam Where do you find the scholar skank? Drew, get a scholarship going.

1:13:45 Drew Scholarship.

1:13:46 Adam I'm not sure what that trophy is going to look like. It's going to be made out of lucide. I know that.

1:13:50 Drew Skank Scholarship.

1:13:53 Adam We'll take ourselves a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Board certified physician. How often do you have to take those boards, Drew?

1:14:34 Drew Depends. The medicine boards only take once. I take the addiction boards every 10 years, I think it is.

1:14:40 Adam Why? Because that changes?

1:14:43 Drew Yeah, and now if you come into medicine, now you actually have to take those every, I think, five years. What I do is I take something called the MKSAP, which is a review, it is like doing the boards at home basically, and then go and send it in and get them tested and graded and stuff.

1:14:57 Adam Yeah. Oh, so you are kind of grandfathered in.

1:15:00 Drew I am grandfathered in where I don't need to repeat the medicine boards.

1:15:03 Adam It is an interesting concept, that whole grandfather concept.

1:15:06 Drew Yeah, it didn't make sense to me, that is why I have always done the MKSAP, if I figure if they need me to do that, I will do it.

1:15:11 Adam It is good though. I will tell you that the most bizarre form of that was that hockey helmet thing. This is how you know hockey is a non-sport, sorry Anderson, but when they decided everyone needed to wear helmets somewhere in the 80s, the guys who were in the league before they made the law didn't have to wear the helmets. So for ten years there were guys running around, half the team had a helmet, half the team didn't. Close your eyes and picture another sport where half the guys were just wearing some of the equipment and the other guys aren't. And if there was any reason to ever wear a helmet, hockey was it.

1:15:47 Oh yeah.

1:15:48 Matt Harber The gold tenders didn't even wear face masks for a while.

1:15:50 Adam I know. What I like about hockey is, look, if you got to wear a helmet to fly fighter jet, you need one, you need one to play hockey.

1:15:59 They're probably going to start doing it with the visors too, but it's going to get grandfathered in.

1:16:03 Adam Visors? For what? Visors. So the pock doesn't hit them. The guys are getting pocks in the face. Yeah, getting couched.

1:16:09 Caller It's a great sport in the world to have there, Corolla.

1:16:11 Adam The other thing I like about hockey too is the fact that the guy said, okay, we'll wear the helmet, but none of us will cinch the chin strap down. So it just hangs down like a bucket handle. And then when they get in a fight or they get low bridge, their shoulder blades hit the ice first, the helmet comes loose, and then the helmet, then the head makes contact with the ice. The helmet always flies off when they hit their head on the ground. Awesome. Yeah, because, you know, race car drivers should wear a helmet, but they'll never cinch it down. That's idiots. Lainey?

1:16:44 Caller Hi. Thank you for making my call. Yeah.

1:16:47 Adam What's up, Precious?

1:16:48 Caller Okay, so my boyfriend and I, we've been together for a little over two years. And we were both pretty inexperienced when we got together. So we were both virgins when we got together.

1:17:02 Drew How old were you when you got together?

1:17:05 Caller Well, I was 22.

1:17:07 Drew And how old is he?

1:17:08 Caller He's a couple years older. He's 29.

1:17:11 Caller Whoa.

1:17:12 Drew He was 29 and he'd never had sex with anybody? Wait a minute.

1:17:18 Adam Something's up.

1:17:18 Drew He had sex with somebody, just not women.

1:17:23 Caller Well, I guess that's my question. So we were discussing, um, like just previous experiences with other people. It didn't necessarily have to be, um, intercourse. And he revealed to me that there's this bath house up in, um, Capitol Hill. It's like notoriously a gay section of town. And I guess he used to receive oral sex from men.

1:17:45 Drew All right. So he's gay and he's trying to be straight now.

1:17:49 Adam How dare you, Drew? How dare you, you paint with such a narrow brush?

1:17:55 Drew You painted for me. What would you say?

1:17:57 Adam Gay, gay, and gay.

1:17:59 Drew Yes, and trying to be straight for some reason. I wonder why, though.

1:18:02 Adam Yeah. Weird religious upbringing or physical or sexual abuse.

1:18:09 Drew But why is he trying to be straight?

1:18:12 Adam Um, hold on a second. Let me just say this, Drew. Please back me up on this. I am tired of this society, everyone making these kind of proclamations where I engage in this behavior, but I'm not this. Sure, I've killed a few people. I'm no murderer.

1:18:28 Drew I'm not a murderer.

1:18:28 Adam No murderer. Sure, I've taken a few lives in a little welfare fraud and a little elderly abuse, but I'm not a bad person. I'm not a bad person.

1:18:37 Drew You're the people to declare whatever they want.

1:18:38 Adam I abuse the elderly, but I'm not a bad person.

1:18:41 Drew I'm also not an old abuser.

1:18:43 Adam There's always some old lady back in this guy, but I mean wife or girlfriend. Oh yeah, no, he abuses the elderly, but he's not a bad guy and he's not an elderly abuser. Yeah, sure, I get blown by a baker's dozen of guys every weekend. Not gay.

1:18:56 Drew No way.

1:18:56 Adam No way.

1:18:57 Drew How dare you try to label me?

1:18:59 Adam You can't label me just because my penis never leaves the mouth of another man. When I go to the mailbox, I got a guy kneeling in front of me on a mechanic's creeper with my penis in his mouth and I actually push him in the mouth. How dare you call me gay? There's a lawsuit now. Oh, you want to keep going? There's going to be a lawsuit.

1:19:17 Drew The Glory Hole? I mean, what's the big deal?

1:19:20 Adam Manning the Glory Hole on the long weekends over at Cuffs or the Barbary Coast does not make me gay.

1:19:28 Drew There we go. So, Lainey.

1:19:30 Adam Yeah. I'm gay.

1:19:31 Drew What's the plan?

1:19:32 Caller Experimentation is completely rolled out then.

1:19:35 Drew What's that?

1:19:36 Caller Just experimentation.

1:19:38 Drew Yes, completely rolled out. Completely rolled out.

1:19:42 Adam Experimenting. That's the other one too. It was a phase. I was experimenting.

1:19:48 Drew Yeah, I suppose there is such a thing as a male experimenting once, but a straight male will wretch and run away and be traumatized by it.

1:19:59 Adam Here's as far as I'll give the male experimenting.

1:20:02 Drew Men are not like women.

1:20:03 Adam I will give... If you tell me you were 13 and you were at Sleep Away Camp and the guy in the bunk over you had an idea and you guys just put a sock over a hand and diddled the guy's peckeroo, I might go along with you on that one, but once you're an adult, you do not experiment.

1:20:22 Drew No. Men are very directed, driven.

1:20:25 Caller Okay. Yeah.

1:20:25 Adam You give that sort of weird crossroads, 12, 11, 12, 13 years old, and at some camp with some other guys pushing an agenda, I might give you something, but once you're over 18, no more experimenting.

1:20:39 Caller Okay.

1:20:40 Adam All right.

1:20:41 Drew Even that don't call it experiment. They're too directed. They don't experiment. They're just going in a direction. Right.

1:20:46 Adam It's like saying you've been conducting a heterosexual experiment for all these years.

1:20:50 Drew Right.

1:20:50 Adam Isn't that in, Drew?

1:20:52 Caller Even though it's limited only to oral sex and not anal, it's still-

1:20:57 Drew Most gay men do not-

1:20:58 Caller Classifying as being gay.

1:20:59 Drew Lainey. Most gay men never have anal sex.

1:21:03 Caller That's right.

1:21:04 Caller Okay.

1:21:07 Adam Yeah. Or don't do it very often.

1:21:10 Drew Don't. Most gay men don't do that.

1:21:13 Adam Yeah.

1:21:13 Drew A lot do, but most don't.

1:21:14 Adam Even they know it's wrong. Lainey, obviously, you know something about this guy. I mean, we're not telling you things you haven't felt. Maybe you've ignored them, but obviously, you have some feelings.

1:21:28 Caller Okay. You're probably right. I'm just repressing them or something.

1:21:31 Adam What does the guy do for a living?

1:21:36 Caller Even probably more for you guys to psychoanalyze me, but he's had problems with drugs and stuff in the past.

1:21:43 Drew I was going to say, sometimes drug addiction, and he's sexually abused.

1:21:46 Adam Well, he was trying to make money. He could have been trying to make money.

1:21:48 Drew Yeah, but this means he was sexually abused. He may have been sort of prostituting himself for coke or heroin or something.

1:21:55 Adam Yeah.

1:21:56 Drew This is a really pathological situation.

1:21:58 Adam A lot of gay guys, by the way, will give the BJ to the guy who's formally sort of heterosexual. It's this weird compromise thing. Well, it's like this. Gay guys like, look, how much you give me a BJ? And you're like, I'm not going to give you a BJ. How much for me to give you a BJ?

1:22:18 Drew Oh, that whole thing.

1:22:19 Adam And then that guy's kind of like, well, I don't want to give you a BJ, but I need to get high. And you're offering me 150 bucks to do it on me.

1:22:31 Drew And then you get kind of locked into that a little bit too.

1:22:33 Adam And then it just becomes a quick 150 bucks.

1:22:35 Drew How's his drug addiction going now?

1:22:39 Caller Well, I guess he was involved with like crack and stuff.

1:22:43 Drew And how's his drug addiction going now? He's just drinking.

1:22:48 Caller No, he's not. He's actually in rehabilitation.

1:22:52 Drew He's in a hospital right now?

1:22:54 Caller In like some inpatient therapy.

1:22:56 Drew All right, so he's in treatment. Are you going to Al-Anon? Do you have an Al-Anon sponsor? Are you participating in family treatments?

1:23:02 Adam No, no, no.

1:23:02 Caller No, but I probably should.

1:23:04 Drew Well, if you're going to be in that relationship, you must. Or the relationship will not end or you will make him sick again.

1:23:10 Adam I like that name, Lainey. Lainey, I don't know what happened to you. I'm sure we could do the remainder of the show on you. Here's the thing, baby doll, you're not stupid, but you're damaged. And do not let this guy get you pregnant.

1:23:26 Drew You're severely codependent.

1:23:29 Adam I like the fact that he's in treatment.

1:23:31 Drew Yep, that's good.

1:23:32 Adam I don't say he was sick, he was on drugs, he was doing what he had to do, and I don't say that that has to be a scarlet letter he needs to wear around his neck.

1:23:40 Drew Or he may be gay, he may be sexually abused, he may have been on his disease and doing all kinds of stuff.

1:23:45 Adam As long as he's sober and working the plan and doing his therapy.

1:23:48 Drew And sorting these things out.

1:23:49 Adam Yes, do not get pregnant, but continue the relationship. If he starts getting back on the crack, yes?

1:23:55 Drew He's going to need many months of treatment, by the way.

1:23:58 Adam What is that, too, with the dude, like, how about a BJ? Like, I don't think I'm willing to do that. How about I give you a BJ? That's what I love about guys. Any version of that with a chick? Imagine a chick, like, how about you go down on me for 300 bucks? I don't think so, sweetie. How about I go down on you for 100? Is there a chick alive? Is there a chick alive?

1:24:26 Drew No.

1:24:27 Adam Does that work?

1:24:28 Drew No.

1:24:28 Adam Doesn't work that way, does it?

1:24:29 Drew No. Does not compute.

1:24:31 Adam Does not compute. But also, talk about low self-esteem. And a guy, I guess, would do that. But like, I could see saying to the hooker, look, how about a BJ in the car? But no, I'm not going to do it. How about I go down on you? I understand the discount. It is funny that there's definitely, there's definitely, you definitely get a break. There's a break. But it is funny that you're still paying to perform oral on somebody else.

1:24:57 Drew It's wild, huh?

1:24:59 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1:25:09 Drew What the hell?

1:25:11 Adam Joe?

1:25:13 Drew Gone.

1:25:14 Adam Hanging up? Yeah.

1:25:16 Drew Hey, let's take a break.

1:25:16 Adam What about the movement? Joe, you seem to summon him. We seem to cue his movement.

1:25:21 Drew I know.

1:25:22 Adam Could he possibly just been fumbling with the phone that way?

1:25:24 Drew Hug it up or something?

1:25:25 Matt Harber I don't know.

1:25:26 Adam Let's take a quick break. When we come back, let's focus during sex. Obsessive? All aspects? Chris. We'll talk to Chris, the female. Chris, hot name on a chick.

1:25:38 Drew That's what I figured. You like that.

1:25:39 Adam I do. My mom's name is Chris, so it's weird.

1:25:42 Drew Boo. Christine.

1:25:45 Adam Yeah, it's like a Christine. It's like a K thing, but I've known some hot Chris's in my day. Female ones.

1:25:50 Drew Seventies, that was a hot name.

1:25:51 Adam With my mother who I had sex with. Please, how many times I told you not to roll tape during the break? Yeah, yeah, mommy. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:26:04 Caller Hello, this is your radio.

1:26:07 Love Line will be right back.

1:26:26 Adam Yeah, Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew is going to be on my show tomorrow.

1:26:32 Drew Yeah, too late.

1:26:33 Adam Comedy Central Show, Andy Dick on tonight. I can't tell if he's getting better or worse.

1:26:40 Matt Harber Jesus Christ.

1:26:42 Adam I can't tell you this. We went out there for the show. Takes about 20 minutes, 25 minutes to film. My mug had water. He put a corona in his.

1:26:53 Drew Oh, that's not good.

1:26:56 Adam Not good?

1:26:56 Drew Not good.

1:26:58 Adam But, you know, wasn't ever clear.

1:27:00 Drew It was just corona.

1:27:01 Not good.

1:27:06 Drew Nice.

1:27:07 Adam Found out he was adopted. I forgot about that.

1:27:10 Drew Oh, I forgot about that, too. Explains a little bit.

1:27:12 Adam Little bit. Yeah.

1:27:14 Drew Then the urology visits when he was five.

1:27:16 Adam The thing about Andy Dick that's funny is like he's telling me before the show like, look, I'm not going to talk about it. No ambushes, no weirdness, no funny business. It's like, Andy, I think people are used to it.

1:27:27 Drew Yeah.

1:27:28 Adam By now.

1:27:29 Matt Harber I have to leave at this point.

1:27:32 Adam So bizarre. But yet, if you would have given me the over under on Andy Dick ODing or just career falling apart or just, you know, ramping his car around a telephone pole when he was drunk or something. I mean, we've been hanging around with the guy for eight or ten years.

1:27:48 Drew Ten years is easy.

1:27:49 Adam Ten years. And if you would have asked us in, you know, 1996, what was going to go on with Andy Dick? You're not making it into the millennium.

1:27:57 Matt Harber Andy Dick in the hizzy.

1:28:01 Drew Chris.

1:28:03 Caller Hello.

1:28:04 Adam What's happening, Chris? You sound hot.

1:28:06 Caller Yeah. Well, I guess my question is, how do you kind of keep a focus during sex, I guess? I really love the guys that I've been with. Nothing to do with them, but I just don't really keep a good focus.

1:28:22 Drew What does that mean?

1:28:23 Adam I pick a spot on the ceiling.

1:28:25 Drew What do you mean focus?

1:28:26 Caller I mean, as in like train of thought kind of things, like I should be kind of paying attention to the person that I'm with, but I find myself thinking about sometimes other girls, other guys, and sometimes if I blocked my car, and at this point, I'm just kind of, I'm not really focusing anymore.

1:28:45 Adam What do you do for a living? Do you dance?

1:28:48 Drew Nope.

1:28:48 Caller I do manual labor actually.

1:28:52 Adam What is that?

1:28:53 Caller I actually work in the music business, and you've probably seen me once or twice because I've worked on sets that you've been on.

1:29:01 Adam Do you use sort of a grip or a roadie or something?

1:29:04 Caller Something of that nature. I probably have a bunch of friends listening, so I'd rather not get into...

1:29:08 Adam Do you have some tats?

1:29:10 Caller Yeah.

1:29:11 Adam Yeah. All the grips and roadies are all sort of tattie-dankie chicks. Hard edge.

1:29:18 Hard edge.

1:29:19 Caller Well, you know, working a business with 60 guys every day, you kind of have to...

1:29:22 Drew No.

1:29:22 Caller No.

1:29:23 Drew That's not it.

1:29:24 Adam I've worked with guys my whole life. I don't have to butch it up.

1:29:27 Caller No.

1:29:27 Caller Well, you have to grin and bear it. If I can't lift it, I shouldn't be there. It's definitely like that.

1:29:32 Adam I like that. Okay. And time to lean, time to clean is actually... Oh, dime holding up a dollar. That's my motto. Oh, people get violently angry when I yell at them.

1:29:42 Drew But Chris, you're not into sex. You're not into these people at all. When people are involved in sex, they are in those moments of arousal and fusion, and they can't be anywhere else. Their biology puts them there.

1:29:55 Adam Unless you're not with the guy. People can drift around a little bit, but it doesn't stop you from enjoying the outing.

1:30:01 Caller Well, I mean, if I come back to it, I mean, it's just for some of the duration, it depends on what's going on. If it's actual physical sex where it's the two of us going at it, sometimes I can really pay attention. And then other times...

1:30:15 Drew Pay attention. You see, it's not saying that she drifts out, she has to fight to stay in it.

1:30:19 Adam All right. You said you think about ladies sometimes.

1:30:25 Caller That'll bring me back to paying attention kind of sort.

1:30:28 Adam Have you ever been with a lady?

1:30:30 Caller Once or twice.

1:30:31 Drew Maybe that's where you belong.

1:30:34 Caller Um, not quite.

1:30:37 Caller I kind of like where I'm at, to be quite honest.

1:30:40 Adam Well, are you able to have an intimate relationship?

1:30:44 Drew A sustained relationship.

1:30:45 Caller Yeah, I sustained pretty good relationships. And I mean, there are other times that I can focus, but I mean, I'd say like 60 to sometimes 70% of the time, I really can't.

1:30:53 Drew Yeah, this focus thing is freaking me out.

1:30:55 Adam Where's your dad?

1:30:56 Caller Not like focused, but you know, really more so pay attention to, actually thinking about the person that I'm with.

1:31:02 Adam Is your, is your, okay, well, is your dad around?

1:31:06 Caller Uh, no, no.

1:31:07 Adam Anything we need to know about?

1:31:09 Drew Yes. He sexually abused her.

1:31:10 Adam Anything we need to know?

1:31:12 Caller Um, not, not really.

1:31:14 Caller Um, some minor stuff. I mean, I was sexual at a very young age, but I mean.

1:31:17 Caller Whoa, whoa, whoa.

1:31:18 Caller That's not like that.

1:31:20 Caller I didn't lose my virginity until I was 16. It's not like that. But I mean, I was definitely interested in like other kids.

1:31:27 Caller All right.

1:31:28 Adam Let me, let me.

1:31:29 Drew Whoa, whoa. It's a child?

1:31:31 Adam Yeah.

1:31:32 Drew That's not normal, Chris.

1:31:33 Adam Let me, well, there are kids that are that way.

1:31:36 Drew No, no, no. Wait a minute. What do you mean? You're interested in other naked kids?

1:31:40 Caller No, no.

1:31:40 Caller When I was like five, I was just like, do you have what I have?

1:31:44 Caller Was kind of the extent that it.

1:31:47 Adam Look, here's, let me float. Let me, are you, are you a programmer, Chris?

1:31:53 Caller No, God no. I'm electronically inept.

1:31:57 Adam No, no. Are you a program person? I mean, as far as-

1:31:59 Drew Recovery.

1:32:00 Adam Recovery.

1:32:01 Caller No.

1:32:02 Adam No, okay. All right. Here's the thing. I'm starting to put this theory together, Drew, that some people are just sort of uncomfortable in their skin. They just can't sit still. They, no, they can never-

1:32:18 Drew Did you see Breaking Bonadue today? What's the example of that?

1:32:21 Adam Oh, well, I have seen it many times. It's the addict gene, usually, but even if they're not using, it's that feeling of, it's that guy you see whose foot is always tapping, always moving, he's always moving, and it's the guy who's smoking a cigarette, like he's trying to siphon gas through a crazy straw, you know, just- These people, whether it's food or gambling or booze or cigarettes or whatever, it's like wherever they are, they can't just sit and relax and enjoy. And Chris had a little bit of that to me.

1:32:55 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:32:56 Adam Just like, I can't just live in the moment, I can't relax, I can't enjoy.

1:33:01 Drew Yeah.

1:33:01 Adam Okay, well look into-

1:33:03 Drew Whatever, if she likes where she's at, what's the question?

1:33:05 Adam Or stop beating yourself up. You're all up in your head, so what?

1:33:08 Drew I like where I'm at, so fine, stay there.

1:33:10 Adam Everyone has sex, looks at the clock every once in a while, don't beat yourself up.

1:33:13 Drew I've never heard anybody say, I have to work at focusing every time.

1:33:16 Adam No woman.

1:33:17 Drew That's a weird thing.

1:33:18 Adam No woman, all right, let's take a break, we'll be back. Hey y'all, Loveline. Well, that's it. Tom Kinney in here, Spongebob himself, and he'll do all the voices.

1:33:53 Drew That's gonna be good. I can't wait. Does he do more than just Spongebob?

1:33:56 Caller Worship the cloven-hoofed Prince of Darkness.

1:33:59 Adam Yeah.

1:34:00 Drew Does Squidworm, Squidward?

1:34:01 Adam He does all of them.

1:34:02 Drew Oh, that's awesome.

1:34:04 Adam Speed Racer, Trixie, Pops, Stridal, Chim Chim. This is gonna be a dream come true for me. He does them all. Great Bape, Great Bape, Great Bape, okay. Shouldn't we sue Hanna Barbera for that? Yes, yes. We're gonna take a little childhood. A little extend 22-hour break. Tom Kinney in tomorrow night. Andy Dick on Too Late with Adam Corolla as we speak. And until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:29 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station.

1:34:41 Adam The producer for Loveline is Andy Gold.

1:34:43 Caller Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, October 24, 2005