Episode 1000733479992

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:04 Voiceover Sexually-oriented content.

1:07 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline.

1:17 Voiceover With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:20 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician. Dizzy-bazzy-ba-ka-ba-ka-ba. Bad Religion in Studio Night. Greg Brooks, in from the band. Good to see you guys.

1:35 Bad Religion Good to see you guys. Good to be here.

1:37 Adam Always good to see Bad Religion. I'm a Bad Religion fan.

1:41 Drew Fanatic.

1:42 Bad Religion Oh, I don't want to say fanatic.

1:45 Adam Seems weird and sexual. 18 albums, by the way, since 1980, everybody. Bad Religion. Where's Greg? He's usually here to wow us with his latest degree. So smart. What happened? His vein in his forehead got so big, he had to go see a neurosurgeon back east or go to Mayo Clinic or something.

2:05 I don't know. Is he educating someone?

2:06 Bad Religion I don't know. I don't think he's here.

2:08 Adam Always with a new degree. Talking about molecular science in here. Hey, we gotta turn the guests up.

2:15 Drew Imagine that. It's never happened on this show before.

2:17 Bad Religion Not on the show.

2:19 Adam Other radio shows we have. Dr. Drew in from New York.

2:24 Bad Religion Adam in from New York.

2:26 Adam We both hit a little storm out there in New York. And I was just saying etiquette wise, as far as pilots go, you know, pilots don't tell you when there's a major hydraulic problem. Like when they've lost all hydraulics and the number two engine is the things beeping and it's saying there's a fire number. The guy doesn't get on the blower and yell, grab, put your head in your ass and the kids goodbye. He's like, yeah, we got a little difficulty up here. She's got to pour herself in there, drink, sit down on her seat belts. We're gonna go ahead and dump some fuel over the Atlantic. They're like that. They should have the same etiquette on the weight because Drew and I were both in line at the tarmac. We're just talking about this. And I got the, yeah, we're 47th in line. 47th behind the Wright Brothers' original plane. And the torpedo plane that sunk the turpits in 1941. Yeah, and Drew is 50th.

3:22 Drew I got 50th for takeoff. That's why I'm gonna kill myself.

3:25 Adam Right, and I'm just saying that's a piece of information you can keep to yourself along with the hydraulic malfunction. To me, more cataclysmic. Bigger problem. I know it sounds weird, but the fact that we're 47th.

3:36 Drew You're gonna live through that 50th plane weight.

3:38 Adam Yes, that's 47th. Yes, I'll have a beard. It'll be like traveling in the time when I land LAX.

3:44 Bad Religion Two hours on the tarmac?

3:45 Drew It's an hour and 15, hour and 20.

3:47 Adam I just started boozing. When I hear anything over five, I double down on the booze and just try to drift off into some sort of leather-wrapped nether world up there in first class. Drew was, I'm sure, over at Coach because he hammered his first class tickets and pocketed the money.

4:01 Drew I was sitting next to Michael York, in fact.

4:03 Adam Oh, really?

4:04 Drew Yes, oh yes.

4:05 Adam Our audience, huge Michael York fans.

4:10 Bad Religion Especially, it's really good musketeer movies, right?

4:12 Adam Bad, yeah, he was one of three musketeers back in the 70s. Yes, Drew, and yeah, one of the original, or the original, maybe the second one, not the Charlie Sheen crappy one. Pennywise. Band, by the way, touring with Pennywise, they're playing some dates with Pennywise, which is too many in my book.

4:31 Bad Religion Never enough.

4:32 Fletcher can't get in to Canada, so that's why they can't do the Canadian tour with us.

4:37 Adam Fletcher couldn't get to Canada because he can't fit in Canada, or they wouldn't let him in?

4:42 I think both.

4:43 Adam Because I just, you know, it's a large country, but not big enough for Fletch. I could see him going into like the Soviet Union, but Canada's a little tight around the hips for Fletch. You know, the board's just not wide enough for him to get his ass through there.

4:58 Drew Because he's a felon or something? Why can't he go in? Greg?

5:01 Bad Religion I don't know. I don't know the exact story.

5:03 We were trying to get him on those shows, but they're just doing the East Coast shows with us.

5:07 Drew He can take you to Poopoo City though.

5:09 Adam Yeah, he's the mayor of Poopoo City.

5:10 Drew He is indeed.

5:11 Adam Yeah.

5:12 Bad Religion Poopoo platter.

5:13 Adam He's got the huge golden roll of toilet paper, which is presented to him. Yeah, the thing about Fletch and the thing about Canada is Canada's uptight about who they led into their country.

5:24 Bad Religion They led them into Brazil though last year.

5:25 Drew Then they complain about us not letting people in.

5:28 Adam Right. Canada, every band, every person, everybody I've ever spoken to that's traveled to Canada has given some long-winded story about being hassled by the border agents and I was too.

5:39 Drew Me too.

5:40 They bring the dogs on the bus too.

5:42 Adam I had this awesome thing where somebody told me, look, when you go to Canada, just tell them you're here for pleasure. Do not tell them you're here for business because if you tell them you're here for business, you're screwed, they'll pull you aside, they'll do a bunch of crap.

5:54 So they're like-

5:54 Drew I had to get a work permit.

5:56 Adam Well, that's why they told me to say I was just here for pleasure. So they're like, what are you here for? And I'm like, pleasure. And they're like, oh, okay. And they pulled me aside and they searched my briefcase and they pulled an itinerary out, there was 80 pages stick that had 700 stops on it. Then you go here, then you meet with this guy, then it's a meet and greet, a handshake, then you sign this stuff and you go to this place. And I was like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, and it's like, yeah, hello, this pleasure. This looks like a lot of business you're doing here. And I was like, well, we're promoting the Man Show. And I was like, I'm not getting paid for any of that stuff. I'm not, I'm not getting paid. I'm just going to do radio station, going to stuff. So I'm not getting paid for it. And they're like, well, I don't understand. Why wouldn't you get paid if you went and did a whatever? And I said, look, I tried to speak their language. I said, when Michael J. Fox, your own Michael J. Fox comes over to our country and does the Tonight Show, he doesn't do it for the money. He does it to promote his latest. And they said, who's Michael J. Fox? And I was like, wait a minute. Okay, now we have to stop. We had to stop. And I was like, wait a minute, you don't know who Michael J. Fox is? And you're from, he's Canadian. And they're like, we don't know. And I'm like, I can't believe you. And they're like, let's talk about the paperwork. And I was like, what? No, I can't talk about this. And then we get to the bottom of Michael. There's two of them. They're like in their thirties. They had no idea Michael J. They weren't Jamaican or anything. Just a couple of white guys from Canada. No idea Michael J. Michael J. Fox would be horrified if he, no accent or anything.

7:20 Drew You're going to Quebec or Toronto or something?

7:22 Adam No, I was going, I was on the, you know, Seattle border there. Oh my god. The Washington border. Yeah, they, he would be horrified, Michael J. Fox, to find out there are two citizens of Canada, never heard his name. This is five years ago. This is like big, you know. Anyway, what was I talking about, Drew?

7:40 Drew Monty Hall.

7:41 Adam Yeah, he couldn't get into Canada, that guy. All right, you ready to take some phone calls? Let's do. You're very uptight over there.

7:49 Drew Well, did you mention this?

7:50 Adam What? Oh, kicking off the tour, Bad Religion, by the way, the Canyon Club in Agour Hills. That is Thursday, October 20th. That is this Thursday.

7:59 Bad Religion Yeah.

7:59 Adam That's an ad.

8:00 Bad Religion Friday, we're in Las Vegas, Empire Ballroom and then University of Redlands out in the meth belt on Sunday.

8:07 Drew Where in Vegas?

8:08 Bad Religion Empire Ballroom.

8:09 Drew What's that now?

8:09 Bad Religion I have no idea.

8:10 It's a new venue.

8:11 Bad Religion I think you see a place called Utopia, some rave club.

8:15 Or Pleasures. I can't remember.

8:17 Adam Pleasures. It's always weird when they... Here's the whole thing about when you're going to name your strip bar. Don't give it a creepy, eerie name and don't give it a weird name that shows up on some receipt somewhere or some card or something that the old lady can find. It's like I say with porn, don't call it your bangus, your anus, it's always like Berm Fest 27. Just call it something like the Intimate Encounters or something or something that doesn't seem so grotesque and then maybe you could slide under the radar a little bit.

8:47 Bad Religion Peppermint Peckery or something good like that.

8:49 Yeah, having a good time.

8:51 Adam Yeah, and don't make the card dayglow orange with confetti stuck onto it and stuff. Just try to write, you know what I mean? Like fly under the radar just a little bit.

9:02 Drew People in that business, OCEAN, have difficulty doing that.

9:05 Adam And do me a favor, paint some windows on the front of the building. Even if you have no windows. Go ahead and, you know what I would do? I would bust a window hole and I would just put some plywood over it and I would put some drapes. So you just, at least it looked like something was going on in there.

9:18 Bad Religion Right, right.

9:20 Adam My God, what do they do with the fire marshal in those strip clubs? There's no escape if those places go up.

9:25 Drew They distract them when they get in there.

9:26 Adam That's be awesome when they have to call your family and tell you how you went. He did do it what he loved. Bethany died in the champagne room like a hero. He went back to save strippers.

9:36 Bad Religion The VIP room at Loveline.

9:38 Adam He tried to extinguish the fire with some champagne.

9:43 Bad Religion But it was too advanced and he went down. Bethany?

9:47 Yes.

9:47 Adam Go ahead, you're 20?

9:49 Caller Yeah. My name is Bonnie.

9:52 Adam Oh, Bonnie. Oh, stripper.

9:54 Caller Yeah.

9:55 Adam Wow.

9:55 Drew This is weird. Bethany.

9:57 Adam So it's Bethany.

9:58 Caller Yeah. I have a question for Dr. Drew and Adam Corolla.

10:04 Drew Bethany, have you been drinking or something tonight? Sound a little slurry.

10:07 Caller No, I'm just a little bit nervous.

10:09 Bad Religion Okay.

10:11 Caller Take a shot.

10:13 Caller Made a mention. I wish. I'm 20. Not quite old enough to go get my stuff. My alcohol. Anyway, my boyfriend.

10:20 Drew Taking something, though. Go ahead.

10:22 Caller My boyfriend made mention the last time we were together is that our sex is too mechanical. And I thought either it had something to do with me being a stripper and dealing with all of this at work, or it might have something to do with the fact that I get lockjaw when I'm giving head.

10:41 Adam Yeah, me too. I mean, wow.

10:43 Drew I understand that the name lockjaw has a mechanical reference in it, but I don't believe that's what your boyfriend will be talking about.

10:52 Is that connected to a TMJ?

10:54 Drew It will certainly give you TMJ. Basically, lockjaw is just when you open your mouth wide, your jaw dislocates. In order to get it back in place, sometimes you have to go to the emergency room, they have to jam down.

11:03 Adam But it doesn't lock closed?

11:06 Drew It locks open.

11:06 Adam It locks open.

11:07 Drew Yeah.

11:08 Adam I think most people assume it's locked in.

11:10 Drew Well, they're talking, that's tetanus. If you'll get the little jaw, they can't move their mouth. That's an illness you just don't see anymore.

11:15 Adam Yeah. I'd like to bring that one back.

11:17 Drew The guy that the original, I'll forget it.

11:20 Adam Bonnie?

11:21 Drew Yes? No, I was gonna say give a weird historical reference, but why?

11:26 Bad Religion Why? Bonnie?

11:27 Drew Yes?

11:28 Bad Religion Yeah.

11:29 Adam We already, you already dropped the Michael, Michael, Michael York reference 10 minutes ago.

11:35 Bad Religion I'm not getting what's heard of that one. Far back.

11:38 Adam All right, don't do it. Bethany? Yes? I mean, Bonnie, look, hey, who's phone is screening tonight?

11:45 Bad Religion Here's Patricia.

11:46 Adam Yeah, Patricia, Patricia, when the person says their name is something different than what's on the screen, you got to change it for us if you're listening or if you can do that, because I'll just keep wanting to call it what's on the screen. But anyway, Bonnie, Bonnie, either your stripper name or your Jewish name?

12:00 Drew I'll just let you know, it can't be switched once you're on with her.

12:03 Adam Oh, yeah.

12:03 Bad Religion It's locked on.

12:04 Adam Well, scratch that. Locked on.

12:07 Drew Now, the mechanical part is undoubtedly what he's feeling is the emotional emptiness that you associated with sex. In fact, your stripper suggests that you had some sexual trauma around sex and therefore to be sexual, you just slip into your little mechanical mode or at least non-emotional mode and it freaks guys out a little bit when they can see you just sort of performing as opposed to actually involving yourself in an intimate encounter.

12:27 Adam Could that be true?

12:29 Caller Well, I've never had a problem like when I'm at work and with guys at work, not a single one of them has said anything about me being mechanical, but I'll absolutely understand.

12:38 Drew Yeah, but they're not trying to have a relationship with you. They want you to be a mechanical.

12:41 Adam They don't have a suggestion box at the strip club. So I would suggest that's the one place that needs one. Hold on a second. There's a suggestion box at the Starbucks, at the movie theater, at the tire stores, suggestion box everywhere but the strip club. And that's where I could use a suggestion box.

12:56 Drew That should have been a man show bit. Imagine what would have been pulled out of that box.

13:00 Adam Well, a lot of it would have been stuck together.

13:02 Bad Religion A lot of suggestions would have been pulled out of the suggestion box.

13:07 Drew Oh my God.

13:07 Adam Oh, the suggestion box sounds like a pretty good strip club name. Big question mark over the top, with the word box in it. Write that down. That's a good name for a strip club. Got it. Yeah, and your wife just thinks you're being helpful if she sees that receipt.

13:23 Drew Yeah, yes.

13:24 Adam It's always funny, too, the receipt doesn't have the name, doesn't have the strip club name on it, doesn't have pleasures. There's five on it. It just says food bill or something, but it's $2,600 worth of like cheese sticks. It is you and one other guy and it's a little tough. Now you really have to start wording around how all that money went out on the Visa card. Yeah, it's tough. It is tough. It can be tough. Bunny?

13:51 Drew Yeah. So, Bunny, the lockjaw, yeah, you need to... Have you ever go to the hospital for that?

13:57 Caller No, my mom is a nurse and she taught me how to put it back.

14:01 Drew All right. Are you taking drugs or alcohol or something? What are you doing here? What's happening?

14:07 Caller No, I have hypothyroidism, I have on-synthroid and birth control. That's it.

14:13 Drew No anxiety medicine or anything?

14:15 Adam Hypothyroidism and a stripper?

14:17 Bad Religion That's all right.

14:19 Drew Anyway, the job you're in, again, suggests the trauma. So when you can go and act on stage in a way as to gain control over men, that's different than being in an intimate relationship where somebody expects you to be a human being in an intimate contact.

14:33 Adam Hey Bethany, I mean Bonnie, can't stop reading the name. I have to correct myself and call her Bonnie. We'll just go by. If we call you Bethany, you just let it ride. Is it a topless place or a topless and bottomless?

14:47 Caller They serve alcohol and legally we have to keep our teabar on and our latex on our nipples.

14:54 Caller So a topless.

14:56 Adam Latex on the nipple and just a shot from the caulking gun or do you actually put pasties on there?

15:03 Caller No pasties. We get away with not wearing pasties by wearing latex. And you basically still sit in a bowl, but it's just like a loophole.

15:11 Bad Religion Has anybody latex allergy? Yeah, that can be a bummer.

15:17 Caller If they have a latex allergy, then they have the option of wearing polyurethane.

15:23 Caller The pasties.

15:24 Adam Yeah. How about just some of those ripe stickers from the bananas? And what do you mean the latex? How's the latex sticker work? Is it just flesh tone?

15:34 Caller It's liquid latex and you basically paint it on and when it dries it becomes tacky and then you just use like eyeshadow or blush over the top and it gives it like a color.

15:46 Drew A what or a blush?

15:47 Adam Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute. We've we've we've we've plumbed new depths and bizarreness in this country which is you can't actually show nipples. You paint a nipple on top of the nipple. Oh my god.

15:59 Drew But if it's latex, it's okay.

16:01 Adam You understand when you get high in mushrooms what happens, why you freak out, Drew freak out. You understand why you freak out? Because you realize the kind of society we're living in. This is fine. No problem.

16:12 Drew Perfect.

16:13 Adam No problem. You know, you must cover your nipples so we will cover your nipple and then paint a nipple on top of the nipple. And if you go with latex, it actually looks pretty good.

16:21 Drew What happens down below? Just curious.

16:23 Adam Well, they have to wear a T-bar.

16:25 Drew What's that?

16:26 Adam T-bar. Well, T-bar is either a thong back or it's tracked for a drop ceiling. I'm going to go with the thong back on this one. I just feel like the aluminum track T-bar ceiling would be cumbersome.

16:37 Bad Religion It could be weird.

16:39 Adam I swear a T-bar, she's got a piece of drop ceiling from a commercial office building wrapped around it.

16:44 Bad Religion All right.

16:46 Drew Not far off from the painted on nipple, I got to tell you.

16:48 Adam True. But who's got more range than the Ace man? There's a two T-bar meaning.

16:51 Drew That's good.

16:51 Bad Religion That's good. Thank you. Thank you.

16:55 Adam Bunny.

16:56 Bad Religion Yes.

16:57 Adam T-bar is basically thong back, right?

17:00 Caller T-bar is a thong that is an inch wide, so it covers the ass and everything else.

17:07 Drew Where would I go to finishing school?

17:08 Adam I'm going to go Munich.

17:10 Drew Okay.

17:10 Bad Religion Okay. Geneva.

17:13 Drew Queen's College.

17:14 Adam Hey, Bunny. Yeah. So it's basically a thong. Well, there's a thong back.

17:20 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

17:21 Adam Okay. Please just agree.

17:22 Drew An inch band.

17:23 Adam I know. But why do I get... You know what's very unsatisfying about this job and all the idiots we talk to all night? If you are right, you'll be right 10 minutes from now when I'm done explaining it. And then you're not really right because it's too far away from what you said.

17:35 Drew You just sound like an idiot complaining.

17:36 Adam Yeah. Like if you said, car tires, basically you got both that on your car, so you can roll down the road. And the person went, well, I'll tell you what a car tire is. Car tire is a, it's a rubber orb that goes on the rim, that's go ahead and fitted on the rim. And then it's pinched on the side, and it crimped on side, holds air, and then that goes on the car, so you can roll down the road. But it's too far away from the time you set it for you to be right. You see what I'm saying?

17:57 Drew That's perfect.

17:58 Bad Religion Thank you.

17:59 Drew It's a great strategy they use.

18:01 Bad Religion I know.

18:02 Adam It feels horribly unsatisfying when you say, there's certain, even strippers get to be experts. You know what I mean? Like if you say to a doctor expert or a carpenter expert, if you tell them his business and you're right, they can never go, you're right. They just have to go, well, actually what it is, and they just repeat back to you what it is, is because they can't just take lay people knowing, but even in the stripper world, that holds. True.

18:24 Drew Yep. Well, on this show.

18:25 Adam That's true.

18:26 Drew Strippers are called this show.

18:27 Adam All right, buddy. So you get to wear the latex.

18:30 Drew And the T-bar.

18:31 Adam And the T-bar, which same as a thong bag.

18:35 Drew And- No, it isn't, we've established, no, no.

18:37 Caller I've never heard that name before.

18:39 Drew There you go.

18:40 Adam Really?

18:41 Drew You've never heard of a thong?

18:43 Caller I've never heard a thong bag. I know it's a thong, but there's several different cuts. So a thong bag's not one I've heard of. Sorry.

18:55 Adam How far away can we talk about ass cheeks? Talking about ass cheeks for now going on 22 minutes, but we're talking about ass cheeks and I say thong bag, you know? Think it's a piece of barbecue equipment or something?

19:07 Bad Religion No? All right.

19:09 Adam Strippers, they never disappoint.

19:10 Bad Religion No, no.

19:11 Adam Never. Except for in the lap dance department, ironically. The one place they can disappoint, that's where they disappoint.

19:18 Hey, everybody.

19:21 Adam We got some Bondurized caulk on all the nipples of the ladies out there. Go ahead and lick it off and get the pancreas out of cancer.

19:30 Bad Religion We got the thong bag. Don't have to be confused with the T-bar.

19:33 Adam It's the one inch strip coming up the A-Hall.

19:36 Bad Religion It's truly stage five, stage five.

19:42 Adam Those are the latex allergy. You can go to the champagne room and go ahead and get a lick of some Saran wrap that's been colored a flesh color with a little rose lecic on it. We beat God on the technicality, everybody.

19:53 Bad Religion Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah.

19:56 Adam It's kind of the equivalent to that T-shirt with the tuxedo painted on it.

20:00 Drew Yeah.

20:01 Adam This is a stripper version of that. All right. Was there quite did you answer her question? We did. We did.

20:07 Drew Yeah. Jackson.

20:09 Adam Corolla. All right.

20:12 Adam Run out of steam on my own name, even. Go ahead.

20:15 I got a couple of quick questions. I'll run through the first one. Can you catch it sexually transmitted diseases like genital warts from toilet seat?

20:25 Drew No.

20:25 OK.

20:26 Drew Effectively.

20:28 Adam How much time do you think this country wastes each year prepping a toilet seat in a public place?

20:35 Drew A lot.

20:36 Adam I mean, you know, the guys who break the little pieces off and make the little decoupage of toilet paper on there.

20:43 Drew In Chicago, you notice it was automatic. In Chicago airport, these little things move across. These plastic things.

20:47 Have you seen those before?

20:49 Adam Well, what is that? I guess it's what you do when you have money and you have food and you just start obsessing about weird stuff.

20:55 Drew You're touching something other people touched. Who? Not only touched, but touched where the underpants have been.

21:01 Adam Yeah, yeah. It's weird. Like, look, if I don't see anything on the seat, I'm just moving forward. I'm fine.

21:07 Drew You know, a certain percentage of people are going to have...

21:09 Adam Until I get something.

21:11 Drew Let's put it this way. Remember all the stuff that was going to kill people in New Orleans? Oh, my God, we're going to have Shigella and Camelbacter and all these horrible pathogens. Well, that's how they're passed along in the oral fecal route. Fecal contaminates stuff, gets in the hands, gets to the mouth. But those things are so uncommon in this country now. We do spend a lot of time on it. It used to be a big deal. Around the time of the Civil War, Oliver killed a lot of people. I think it's still sort of a historical anachronism in many ways.

21:37 Adam I was thinking about that whole New Orleans thing or talking to someone about it, and I was realizing how when the left gets in the panic mode about people of color, they end up being inadvertently racist. They don't know it because they're so condescending all the time. And think about it. Think about this for a second. The Superdome was like they were getting the reports out of the Superdome where the gangs that were raping infants and you're having to step over bodies and people were being killed and no one was able to do anything. And it was just sort of man, it was sort of there were more beasts than man in there. Everyone was going at it, right? And everyone's reaction was just like, especially on the left, was like, well, see, see, Bush should have got some people out to New Orleans earlier. Now, here's the thing. They don't know it. And this sounds horrible. But if they were Jews in there, they would have went, wait a minute, what are you talking about? Bands of roaming, whatever, people being raped, people being killed. I don't buy that. Go in there and whatever. But all they did, because everyone in there was black and the left is much more racist than you'll ever know, in a more condescending, sort of all-encompassing way. They actually don't think people of color can take care of themselves. And they were looking at it like they were zookeepers or something. They were like, well, see what happens when you put the crocodiles in with the penguins. I mean, this is okay. See, it's Bush's fault. It's the zookeeper's fault for putting them in together, not what the hell's going on in there. They were blaming the zookeeper. That is a racist thing. Horribly racist, if you think about it. They never went like, those people have to be arrested, or what do you mean, raping babies? They were just like, they really treated it just like you treat, like the zookeeper just said, put the gators and the lions in with the ostriches and the penguins, and we'd go, well, he shouldn't have done that. He should have known better. He should have been more prepared. He should have had separate cages. It was horribly racist, and no one ever really approached it from that angle. They were just like, whoa, well, see, that's what happens. We should have, think about that, everybody. Oh yeah, heavy, heavy.

23:42 Drew Ace man's always heavy.

23:43 Adam Ace man is always heavy. Bad Religion in the studio tonight. We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll hear ourselves a little song, and we'll do the break now, hear the song after this. Want to dress up your sex life? Visit Durex.com. There's sex, and then there's Durex. Yeah, Love Line, everybody. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Greg and Brooks here tonight from Bad Religion.

24:33 Bad Religion Keep your applause till after the movement, please.

24:37 Adam Going out with, doing some dates with Pennywise, also gonna be not in Canada. Gonna be in Agoura Hills on Thursday, and then also in Vegas, and then kicking off the Meth Busters tour.

24:50 Bad Religion You got it.

24:51 Adam Redlands, where the hell is it?

24:52 It's an interesting mix of the cities.

24:53 Bad Religion Yeah.

24:54 Adam Yeah.

24:54 Bad Religion I think that one's with Pepper and Cottonmouth Kings.

24:58 Adam Cottonmouth Kings, yeah.

24:59 Drew Heard of them a long time.

25:00 Adam Yeah. It's been a while, but they were good. We must have had them in here.

25:06 Drew Six, eight years ago?

25:07 Adam It's going six, seven years ago. Yeah, sounds about right. Here's some off the Bad Religion CD and a couple of few.

25:13 Drew Here's some Cottonmouth Kings. No, no, I mean Bad Religion. No.

25:16 Caller It's a nice segue.

25:17 Adam You want to go ahead and take a phone call?

25:18 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

25:19 Adam What are we going to talk about? That's something to talk about. Well, let me ask you guys this. I was in the, who is this guy? You guys tell me who this guy is because I can't figure this guy out. I was in the magazine store of LAX on Thursday, grabbing a magazine before I got on the airplane. And I did that thing where I had like the garment bag and my jacket and my backpack. And I was sort of making my way through the little tight little areas where everyone's sitting around reading the magazine and stuff. By the way, don't you want to read the magazine on the plane? You want to stay in there and read it on terra firma and then not have anything to read on the plane?

25:51 Drew By the way, are you the only human who's walked through there with bags?

25:54 Adam I know. Yeah.

25:55 Drew What's with the business in the airport with the...

25:58 Adam Yeah, why make it that tight?

25:59 Drew Yeah.

26:00 Adam Right. Right. So what I did is I did that thing where I started to turn around and my backpack whacked into another guy's backpack, but not hard at all, just brushed up against the backpack. And I immediately said, oh, sorry, excuse me. And the guy gave me that weird look that he wasn't listening to an iPod or anything. He just gave me that thing that fully half the people I waved to or say sorry to or whatever, give me that just weird like, oh my God, what was that?

26:23 Caller Yeah.

26:23 Adam As if it's really it's a look they would give you if you just pounced on them in their sleep in their own bedroom, like you kicked open the apartment door.

26:30 Drew What it makes you want to do is do that so you can see the difference between what you did and what you should have done to get that reaction.

26:37 Caller What? What?

26:38 Adam Like if someone bangs into my bag and no, no, no body contact, no fluid exchange, just bag on bag, little light bag tap and immediately, oh sorry, pardon me, with the sort of mad man, mad man, just, just like, I don't know how to, I don't know how to process it. It's a cross between how dare you, I don't know what to make of this and oh my God, what just happened? Kind of, kind of thinking. How about you just go-

27:01 Bad Religion Of all places in an airport, a little gift shop.

27:05 Adam I know, luggage on luggage and how about just a little, yeah, no problem. Even if you're from South Korea and you don't speak a, speak a lick of English, you can still give a like, uh-huh, that's a little body language. What's that weird like, huh? It's like the old man who's walking his dogs down the street and you give him the, how you doing, hand up, and he just sort of looks at you confused and looks back down again. Like, what, who is that guy that he can't raise his hand up or is he confused or think you want money or you're going to have sex with him or what is that?

27:37 Drew While the guy was walking through a crosswalk and he made like a mad man loose. I'm doing a U-turn, wasn't turning left into his crosswalk.

27:44 Adam Well, at least he thought something. I understand that too. That's just a sort of a puss. But what's the guy who can't react to the hello or the wave or the pardon me? Well, who is this guy? Where is he? I don't think I know any of these guys, but they're being bred somewhere and they're being bred in large numbers. And what happened? What happened to this person? Abused, confused, angry?

28:09 Drew Scared. Well, the whole world is abuse, right? Everything's being abused. Every contact is abuse.

28:14 Adam Here's how I always interpret it. If he said no problem, then I would be off the hook. But as long as he doesn't say anything, I'm on the hook. I'm next to him.

28:22 Bad Religion You're sitting next to him on the air plate and he's vibing you the whole time.

28:25 Adam Right.

28:26 Bad Religion A hundred deep on the tarmac at Guardia.

28:28 Drew Listen, never underestimate how sick people can be. People can be looking for fights and stuff.

28:33 Adam There's a little guy carrying a backpack. Like he was from this country. He didn't know what to do.

28:38 Bad Religion All right.

28:39 Adam Let's hear a Bad Religion song, yes?

28:41 Drew No. I think we're going to take a song and then...

28:44 Adam What's no right mean?

28:46 Drew It means no, but if you insist.

28:49 Bad Religion All right.

28:50 Adam Jeremy?

28:51 Bad Religion Yes.

28:52 Adam You're 20?

28:53 Caller I am 20.

28:54 Adam No.

28:54 Caller All right.

28:56 Caller What's up?

28:57 Caller Well, first I just wanted to say, Mr. Gaffin, I am a big fan of your work.

29:02 Caller Yeah.

29:03 Bad Religion We're a big fan of his work here, but he's... I hope he's got a radio at the mail claim. I think he's somewhere in Ithaca, New York, so he's not here.

29:08 Caller Unfortunately, we have three Greggs in the band, so everyone thinks Gaffin is here.

29:13 Bad Religion Three Greggs, a Brooks, and a Jay.

29:15 Caller Yeah.

29:16 Bad Religion And a Brett.

29:18 Adam Jay's in Canada, right?

29:20 Caller Yeah, he's in Coover.

29:21 Adam Yeah.

29:22 Bad Religion Yeah.

29:22 Adam Cutting some trees down. Go ahead, Jeremy.

29:24 Caller Good times. Anyways, my question was, my girlfriend's got a lot of guy friends, you know, like, so I don't know, we've been together for almost a year now. And to the point where when we first started dating, it wasn't a big deal. But now it's kind of getting to me. It's like, all right, every time she says, oh, I'm going to go hang out with, you know, so and so I'm like, all right. I mean, I can't really say much. I don't want to be the big boyfriend. Tell her no.

29:48 Drew How long have you been dating her?

29:50 Caller Almost a year now.

29:51 Drew Who are these guys?

29:53 Caller They're longtime friends that she's had forever. I mean, she doesn't really have any girlfriends. She has a bunch of guy friends.

29:59 And I've met them all.

30:01 Caller I've met them all. And, you know, they seem like pretty cool guys. But, you know, at the same time, it gets to me every single time she goes out with them.

30:09 Adam Here's the thing. What's your girlfriend look like?

30:12 Bad Religion She's not active.

30:14 Adam I mean, you're calling from Riverside. You mean Riverside hot or you mean hot outside?

30:20 Caller She lives in Rancho, so, I mean, she's not in a different city.

30:24 Adam She's over in Rancho.

30:25 Caller All right.

30:25 Adam And you're 20. What do you got going?

30:28 Caller Well, I'm a loan officer. I mean, I make pretty good money.

30:31 Drew All right.

30:32 Adam Professional.

30:33 Caller Well, yeah, but at the same time, I met her before I started this career. So when she ran me out, I was a cable guy.

30:40 Adam Okay.

30:41 Drew And who are the other guys?

30:43 Caller Just friends that she's had. In high school?

30:47 Bad Religion Cable guy, milk man, pool man, gardener.

30:51 Drew Yeah. It's a little weird, we gotta admit. And you can be sure if she's hot, all the guys do want to have sex with her. There's no doubt about that.

30:58 Adam But let me, let me.

30:58 Caller But it does. So I know that that's the guy.

31:00 Drew Yeah, but it doesn't mean she, yeah, yeah, but it doesn't mean she can't set limits with those guys and maintain friendships. It's possible.

31:07 Adam But let me explain too. There's some women who are in, because for women, the whole actual intercourse part, I've found out through, to my dismay, by the way, is not at the top of their list. They like being desired. So for a lot of women, they'll be okay with just hanging around with five guys, as long as they know the five guys want to have them.

31:26 Drew Or dancing.

31:27 Adam They're cool. And then we can go see a movie, and we can go out to dinner and never actually do it. We can move on with our lives. But with the guys, it's exactly the opposite.

31:36 Drew Plus she's got the bullpen there, ready to go.

31:38 Bad Religion Yeah, I think some of the girls will keep these guys around just in case, in the back of their head, it doesn't work out. They've got their options open.

31:45 Adam Yeah, more in the middle of their head.

31:46 Caller Just keep in touch.

31:47 Adam Yeah. Hey, Jeremy?

31:49 Caller Yeah, I'm here.

31:50 Adam Now here's the other thing about these guys. You can sort of sniff a guy and tell whether he's a shark or a, you know, whether he's a tiger. Whether he's a mako shark or a nurse shark. You know what I mean?

32:03 Caller Yeah, I hear you.

32:04 Adam They're all sharks, but some of them are much more docile than the others.

32:07 Drew Some are, no, just some are much more dangerous than others. Very few are.

32:12 Adam But you know those guys, you kind of look at you. It's a guy from the office, you look at him, you just know he's harmless. Even if he has his weird fantasies, there's no way she would ever entertain them.

32:23 Bad Religion Right, right, right.

32:24 Drew Good point.

32:24 Adam I mean, you can really size up a guy, another guy and go, once in a while you get surprised and then you get angered and then delighted. Phil from a county?

32:33 Bad Religion Yes, man.

32:34 Drew What?

32:34 Adam Oh, all right. Bullying, bullying.

32:38 Bad Religion Huzzah. Jeremy?

32:42 Caller Yeah, I'm here.

32:43 Adam Yeah, so what about these guys, you know? Are these those kind of guys?

32:47 Caller Well, it's tough to say. I mean, they're all different.

32:51 Adam No sharks?

32:52 Drew Do they have girlfriends?

32:53 Adam Tiger sharks or nurse sharks?

32:55 Caller All guys are sharks.

32:56 Drew Do they have girlfriends?

32:58 Caller I'm sorry?

32:58 Drew Do they have girlfriends?

33:01 Caller One of them does. The other are single.

33:06 Drew We're just sort of bothered like you are.

33:08 Adam It's also one of these things, though, where if she met a guy, you know, if she'd known a guy since the ninth grade because he was best friends with her brother or something, that's one thing. And if they dated six months ago and broke it off, that's another thing. See what I'm saying?

33:23 Caller Yeah. So that... Some of them are ex-boyfriends, like three of them, I think, are ex-boyfriends from the past. And it's just kind of tough because I really...

33:32 Drew You might want to just propose to her what she would feel like if you hung out with your ex-girlfriends or maybe even arrange that.

33:38 Adam Yeah.

33:39 Bad Religion Just hang out with my ex tonight. How do you feel?

33:42 Adam Right. Except for that's his right hand.

33:44 Bad Religion I know.

33:45 Adam But they do the little lipstick in the senior once.

33:47 Sunday night.

33:47 Bad Religion Sunday night. Yeah.

33:50 Adam That's teamwork, baby, right there. Drew, stop making noise.

33:53 All right. Let's say...

33:53 Drew It's magic.

33:54 Adam Let's hear a little something from Bad Religion, shall we?

33:56 Drew Yes.

33:56 Adam This one. Oh, we know this one. We like this one. It's called Los Angeles. A little Bad Religion for you from The Empire Strikes First. Greg, not that Greg, the other Greg from Bad Religion in the Night. Brooks in tonight.

37:24 Bad Religion Do we take a call or should we?

37:28 Adam Service.

37:29 Bad Religion What?

37:30 Adam Self-medicates. Can orgasm.

37:34 Caller There you go. Take that one.

37:36 Adam Amy?

37:37 Yes.

37:38 Adam You're 21?

37:39 Caller Yes, I am.

37:40 What's up?

37:43 Caller I've been sexually active since I've been 18, and I can't orgasm no matter what.

37:48 Drew So you have no orgasms during direct contact or masturbation or intercourse?

37:54 Caller Anything. I've tried masturbation, I've tried vipers.

37:57 Drew That would be normal. And it's very common for women not to have orgasm prior to the age of their early 20s. So things should start happening pretty soon. It looks, it seems as though there's very limited literature on this medical literature out there.

38:11 Adam Well, what do they know?

38:12 Drew That they sort of come on line in their early 20s. Some women, some women start at five, but a lot of women just can't, that biology doesn't sync up until early 20s.

38:21 Adam Yeah.

38:22 Drew And you're not going to be one of these people that has orgasm within their course. That's just not going to happen. But you-

38:28 Adam Maybe we could hook up.

38:29 Drew But you-

38:30 Adam My streak alive.

38:30 Drew Working with the boyfriend, if you had a relationship, the oral sex, that sort of thing, somebody should have figured it out for you.

38:35 Adam The Iron Man of no orgasms. The Lou Gehrig of no orgasms.

38:38 Drew Except you got the oral thing down. Your cluster bombing, whatever you do, technique. Carpet bombing.

38:45 Adam Well, I can provide- No, no, I mean through intercourse.

38:47 Bad Religion Yeah, yeah.

38:49 Caller Did you say carpet bombing?

38:51 Adam That's my approach, Orly, on a woman. You know, I don't have pinpoint accuracy.

38:56 Bad Religion What if they have no carpet down there? Can you still carpet bomb?

38:58 Adam Yeah, yeah. This is Frey, so I'm taking it out. A lot of collateral damages, we call it.

39:04 Drew So Amy, do you have a boyfriend now?

39:06 Caller Yeah, I've been with my boyfriend for two and a half years.

39:12 Adam Why, you're 21, so you got hooked up when you were 18?

39:15 Caller Well, I had a boyfriend when I turned 18, and I dated a while with a few different guys, and I've been with this one guy for two and a half years, and I've never had an orgasm.

39:27 Adam So you've been with this guy since you were 18?

39:29 Caller Yeah.

39:30 Adam Okay, remember I asked that 20 minutes ago? Yeah, yeah. Okay, I don't know, let's convene for a quick second here. Then we'll take a break and finish with Amy when we come back. But I sort of feel, my standard advice is, if you've been with someone since you're 18 and you're now 21.

39:46 Drew Maybe time to move along.

39:47 Adam I think it is. Even if things are sort of okay.

39:50 Drew Yes, I agree with you.

39:51 Adam I would say, would you agree with me, and tell me if you don't, if things are anything but great, when you're together with someone that's three years from 18 to 21 or even if it's 17 to 20 or whatever.

40:05 Drew It's hard for them to be objective about that. They think of it as my life without this is impossible.

40:09 Adam I understand they think, well I've invested a lot of time in this person, and this person's my soul mate and all that. But if things are anything but great, if things are anything but great and you're not making plans to get married, I say move on because you need to experience life and partners and people and all that.

40:26 Drew Including ending relationships. You need to know how to end them and when they need to be ended and how to end them.

40:31 Adam Yeah, it is. It's an interesting part of life that everyone focuses on job interviews and how to land chicks and all that. Because they never really focus on the part where when it's time to quit the job, when it's time to get a new girlfriend, when you get broken up with, how you should react. It's all this sort of, it's a weird thing. Let me say this. Wow, I'm getting heavy tonight. This is some heavy stuff. We always talk about this sort of preparing for the worst, whatever it is, emergency wise, whether it's air travel or whatever. It's always long winded, nothing's about what you should do and look for an exit and do this and buckle this and strap in that and raise your hand, and all this sort of stuff. But we never really talk about emotionally what happens when you get fired, when you get dumped, when you get attacked, when you get whatever, and then everyone just falls apart, freaks out or does whatever, or how to get out, how to effectively get out of a relationship without your partner killing themselves, or how to give your boss two weeks' notice without having him call everyone you know and tell him never hire this asshole again.

41:31 Drew And I suspect even more importantly, how do you know when that time has arrived?

41:35 Adam Heavy. Boy.

41:36 Bad Religion Someone should write a book. Where's Graphen when you need him?

41:38 Adam Write a book. All right. Let's take a quick break. Bad Religion and Sunday Night will be right back after this.

41:45 Loveline's phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191. Loveline, with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew, we'll be right back.

41:52 Caller Loveline is brought to you by Vibrations, the award-winning vibrating condom ring at gotvibes.com. Make safe sex great and great sex even greater. You have to try it to believe it, only at gotvibes.com.

42:16 Adam Yeah, Loveline, everybody. I'm Adam, this is Dr. Drew. Greg's here tonight, Brooke's here tonight, Bad Religion here tonight. Guys are going to be going out, not to Canada, with Pennywise and also going to see the-

42:30 Bad Religion Anti-flag is playing with us as well, another fine rock combo.

42:33 Adam Going to be over in Agora on the 20th, this Thursday, and then Vegas, and then Redlands. All right, and we'll hear something else off CD in the 11 o'clock hour. All right, Drew, what do you want to do?

42:43 Drew Here we go, Lindsay. We're done with Amy, right with the canned orgasm.

42:47 Bad Religion I thought you put her on hold to talk to her now.

42:49 Adam Yeah.

42:49 Bad Religion Amy? Yeah.

42:50 Adam Yeah. See, it's good writing. Amy?

42:53 Caller Yeah.

42:53 Adam All right.

42:54 Drew So have you tried vibrators and things like that?

42:56 Caller Yeah, I've tried pretty much everything.

42:59 Drew How about your boyfriend? Does he know what he's doing?

43:01 Caller Yeah, he's pretty good at what he's doing. It's like I enjoy it, but I don't get to what I think I should get. It just doesn't really go anywhere. It feels good, but there's no peace.

43:13 Adam Are you in to the guy? Are you in love with the guy?

43:15 Caller Yeah, yeah, I am.

43:17 Drew Even though Adam thinks you should move along.

43:18 Adam What's he do for a living?

43:21 Caller He works a desk job at this computer thing.

43:25 Drew Nice.

43:26 Caller He just got the job. He's working at Starbucks before, so.

43:29 Adam Oh, okay.

43:30 Caller Somehow it's more romantic working at Starbucks.

43:32 Adam You should write science fiction, by the way.

43:34 Bad Religion I mean, that's crazy imagination.

43:36 Adam Works his desk job at a computer thing.

43:38 Caller Something well-rounded.

43:41 Adam Yeah. So he's a computer person?

43:43 Caller Yeah.

43:45 Adam Yeah. Okay. It's very sad and disappointed that fully 90 percent of the people we ask, like when you say, what's your dad do, or what's your boyfriend do, or what's your husband do, I have to ask a follow-up question. It's never, he works retail. Okay. Where does he work? What kind of stuff does he sell? What kind of stuff comes from factory? So it's like, it's what's my line? Arlene Francis is going to flip over all the cards. We're going to take our blindfolds off.

44:13 Bad Religion It's Wally Cox.

44:14 Adam Yeah. If anyone asks me what I do, or whatever the answer is, I treat everything like their directions. If someone goes, how do you get to Universal Studios? I'm not going to go over that way.

44:27 Drew Just go.

44:27 Adam Just go. Like I head northeast. Like I will say, I will, that's, you have to finish. Like here's when you're done answering, when you think the person understands what you do or whatever the question is.

44:38 Drew Yeah.

44:39 Adam So we've gotten away from that as a society. We're just sort of okay with stuff. Do you think? Yeah, sort of. We're moving on. I guess what they're saying is, is we're moving on.

44:48 Drew Yeah, I've said enough.

44:49 Adam Or I'm not interested in it. So neither of you, you're not going to be either. All right.

44:54 Bad Religion Maybe this goes on to girls. Maybe we didn't explore that, did we?

44:58 Drew She would have said something about that. Okay.

45:00 Adam Amy?

45:00 Caller Yeah.

45:01 Adam So you're very much in love with the guy who does something with computers at a desk?

45:05 Caller Yeah.

45:06 Adam Okay. Not one of those guys that runs in place and works on the computers. This guy sitting at a desk?

45:11 Caller Yeah, he just sits at his desk and programs sprinkler systems, basically for the county.

45:19 Adam He runs a lot of life in the fast lane.

45:20 Drew This is the guy you've been wanting to talk to, by the way.

45:22 Adam Hold on. I'm picturing this guy.

45:23 Caller He's a rebel.

45:24 Adam I'm picturing, yeah. There's a picture of his sleeves cut off, mustache, hair slick back, driving a hog, fully dressed hog.

45:32 Caller But that's your sprinkler.

45:34 Adam That thing's a screw the helmet law on this thing.

45:36 Drew This is a mitzvah.

45:37 Adam Yeah, I'll get into that.

45:38 Bad Religion Hold on, Drew.

45:38 Adam Stop jumping in, would you please? I know, but can you stop clinging to your joke for a second? Let us finish ours. Sometimes we have to just talk out loud about comedy theory, but Drew, I don't understand what you're saying.

45:51 Bad Religion Fair enough. All right, fair enough. Amy? Yeah.

45:55 Adam Yeah, we have these, we have those sprinkler guys here except for they don't program anything because what happens is I see the sprinklers going off while it's pouring rain all the time when I'm driving along the freeway. And then I see a bumper sticker on a city truck that says conserve water. And I think that about says it all, doesn't it everybody? Here's what you should do, here's what we're not doing.

46:15 Bad Religion And you notice down there the DWP building's all lit up, 24 hours a day, the fountains are going, a little bit of a drought, they're rolling blackouts, yeah.

46:24 Adam Right, right, here's the thing. They have little things called rain sensors, they're 18 bucks, give them at Home Depot, and they've been around for 28 years. And they stop the sprinklers, times a million sprinkler heads in this city from going off. You could go ahead and put one of those in there, sort of like that thing that tells you it's nighttime, so the streetlights come on. You can go ahead and do that. So when it's been raining, like remember we set the record for rain, we had the torrential downpours, and everything was flooding, and stuff was breaking off and floating to Santa Barbara and stuff like that. You don't have to have the sprinklers actually going off in the middle of the news stories about the biblical flooding. Right. Yep, save a couple million gallons, easy. And then we might listen to you when you tell us to conserve water. And then of course the other bumper sticker, and senior abuse. That's the one, that's what it's like. I'm going, that's why I'm kicking in the front door of the senior living right now. I'm doing a shoulder roll. I'm going to take someone down. Something's been going on. I smell trouble. All right, Bad Religion. What are we supposed to do at that point? Follow guy looks like a perp. This guy looks like he's driving to grandpa's house. May abuse him. I'm going to stake it out. Take a, or is that just supposed to wake up something in me that makes me realize it's wrong to beat the crap out of my grandma?

47:33 Drew That's the one. That's what it is.

47:35 Adam All right. I did a little soul searching when it's behind the street sweeper that said and senior POC. You know what? You're right. I'm going to pack it up. No more. I'm moving on to my mom. All right. Let's take a quick break. Bad Religion and I will be right back after this.

47:48 Caller Alright, guys, here's the deal.

47:50 You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:53 Caller One call is all you need to make. Call the Dateline.

47:56 Drew 877-889-DATE.

47:58 We'll call the Dateline.

48:28 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. True. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Greg Brooks here tonight from Bad Religion. The Empire Strikes First, name of the CD. We will... November 2nd. So it's been out almost a year, right?

48:47 Caller I think over a year.

48:48 Bad Religion Yeah.

48:50 Bad Religion I think it came out, yeah.

48:52 Adam Oh, November 2nd. Oh, I'm sorry.

48:54 Caller November 2nd is when we start the tour.

48:55 Adam Yeah, that's the tour day. Sorry, sorry. It was above the thing. I should have read that right, Drew. That's my fault. My bad.

49:02 Drew How dare you.

49:02 Adam It's my people like to say. The, yes, the tour starts with Pennywise and others on November 2nd. We will talk to Lindsay over here. Lindsay?

49:16 Caller Yeah, hi.

49:17 Adam Seventeen?

49:18 Caller Yeah, yeah. So about a month ago, I was diagnosed with something called serviceitis. And it's a sexually transmitted disease.

49:32 Drew It's just, well, you're just, the serviceitis is just describing what's going on. It means inflammation of the service.

49:37 Adam You know, it also sounds like a uniform company, you know, a company of guys with vans who provide professional uniforms for janitorial staff, nursing staff, professional law. Yeah, a lot of, yeah, a guy that says it's a guy with a blue cap, he's on the move. Serviceitis, friendly man from the serviceitis fan will come.

49:52 Drew Serviceitis uniform service.

49:55 Adam Fill your uniform needs from the biggest company. Nothing says professional like uniformity.

49:59 Drew And serviceitis.

50:00 Adam And when you have serviceitis, it's number one, serving the Southland for over a quarter century.

50:05 Drew Slightly difference. I see it with an S, but this is with a C.

50:09 Adam Oh, I see it with an S too.

50:10 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

50:10 Adam But that's that's the thing.

50:12 Caller Yeah.

50:12 Drew Yeah. But if you heard it, you couldn't couldn't tell the difference.

50:14 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And they'll they'll do the cleaning. They'll do the fitting. They do a short sleeve. They also have a winter thing. They also they'll provide they'll even provide it down to the shoes, by the way. Enhanced.

50:26 Bad Religion Will they will they provide the cervical caps for the cervix?

50:29 Drew Of course.

50:30 Bad Religion Yeah, it's part serviceitis.

50:32 Adam Yeah.

50:33 Drew So, Lindsay, what was it caused by? What was the sexually transmitted disease you had?

50:37 Caller All right. So, um, so what?

50:39 Drew Listen, listen, listen. What was the sexually transmitted disease you had? What was causing the cervixitis?

50:45 Caller Nothing. Like, they wouldn't tell. Like, I went to Planned Parenthood and I got, I, there was, you know, discharge and it was hurting a lot.

50:54 Drew So they didn't, they didn't do the cultures. They didn't do the cultures to figure out what it was.

50:59 Caller They did. They tried to test me for chlamydia and syphilis and they said I didn't have either of them and they gave me a pamphlet and they were like, you have cervixitis.

51:09 Drew Okay, well, herpes, herpes would be one of the more common causes of cervixitis that did not have a bacterial cause.

51:15 Adam Good people with cervixitis are running a specialist month on name tags. Get your, up to five letters.

51:21 Caller You're actually sponsoring this Bad Religion tour. Yeah, this upcoming tour that we're going.

51:26 Adam You guys are going to have to wear the shirts up there in the sort of off-white pants. Yeah, tucked in, belt looking good. Yeah, Drew, what about it? You like that?

51:36 Drew Yeah, it's perfect.

51:37 Adam They drive those vans, they're sort of like UPS vans, like the sweatpants.

51:40 Drew The white with the blue print on the side, yeah.

51:41 Adam Serviceitis. Yeah.

51:43 Drew Sort of a 1940s guy on the move, too.

51:45 Adam Yeah, and during the commercial, the commercial is the one guy pulls up to clean the carpets and he's wearing a wife beater and cut off sweats and flip-flops is like, would you let this guy in your house? And then the next guy pulls in, white guy, tucked in, nice build, service scientist, uniform recipient, you know what I mean? Put your name, your company logo on the side.

52:03 Drew Guys carrying a sort of tool bag with them.

52:06 Adam Oh yeah, they're also expanding into softball uniforms, by the way, for the company picnics and things like that. That's a good idea, right?

52:13 Drew That's great.

52:13 Adam Put your company logo right on the back of that jersey. Wow, write this down, Drew, this is big stuff.

52:19 Drew So Lindsay, this could be herpes.

52:21 Caller But they tested me, they said that I didn't, like wouldn't they have told me if I hadn't?

52:27 Drew Well, it's hard to test for the herpes, right? It's hard to test for that. How do they treat this?

52:32 Caller How do they treat it?

52:33 Drew Did they give you an antibiotic?

52:35 Caller Yeah, they gave me something to drink. It was a physical powder.

52:39 Drew First of all, Lindsay.

52:40 Adam Something to drink.

52:40 Drew Yeah, it's azithromax, azithromycin. But Lindsay, you're behaving as though this, you're the first person to have cervicida. It's extremely common, okay?

52:47 Caller I just don't really understand what it is.

52:51 Drew It's an inflammation of the cervix. It's an STD that hasn't gone up into the tubes yet, but it's on its way there. And fortunately, they got it before to send it all the way. It's probably chlamydia, even though you tested negative, or some other bacterial pathogen. They could probably give you a shot, too. Is that right?

53:06 Adam No, I was just going to recommend that you speak to a friendly rep and talk about volume discounts for companies more than 75 employees. You know what I mean? Because they will pass along.

53:17 Drew Did they give you a shot in addition to the powder?

53:20 Caller Wait, could I get to my question real quick?

53:22 Drew Let me just ask you this. We're trying to figure out what you got. Did they give you a shot in addition to the powder?

53:26 Caller No, the powder.

53:28 Drew Just the powder, not a shot also?

53:29 Caller No, not a shot.

53:30 Drew Okay, so anyway, what's your question?

53:31 Adam They'll give you a break on companies larger than 25. It goes in 25 increments, 25 larger than 50, larger than 75, and then as you get to 150, the breaks keep continuing.

53:42 Drew Oh, nice.

53:42 Adam Yeah, go ahead, Lindsey. They pass along. Go ahead. It's healing days, by the way.

53:46 Caller They got a limited time only.

53:48 Adam Right.

53:48 Caller Go ahead. I've only been with one person, and my ex-boyfriend, I was his first as well, so I don't really understand how it could have been sexually transmitted if he's never like...

54:04 Adam He's never been with anyone and she hasn't, Drew. What do you think?

54:06 Caller Well, yeah, I just don't understand like how I work...

54:09 Drew Maybe it was more of a vaginitis than a cervicitis, and this was something...

54:13 Adam That's another company.

54:15 Drew Which is just really an inflammation of the vagina and can be caused by pathogens from the sort of rectal area and that sort of thing. Something got mixed in there that got growing. Or maybe it's a herpes and he didn't know, maybe it was from his mouth or something.

54:29 Adam Yeah.

54:29 Drew It's still a possibility.

54:30 Bad Religion Vaginitis, it could have happened like if you wiped the wrong way, could that cause the...

54:34 Drew Vaginitis, but it wouldn't cause the cervicitis, typically. So she's right to be a little confused. This is a little bit confusing what's going on here because they allegedly both don't have something. She doesn't have a definitive diagnosis. She seemed to have gotten better with an antibiotic, but maybe it was herpes and just got better anyway. So I would suggest, Lindsay, you do see a gynecologist to kind of straighten this stuff out a bit.

54:54 Adam Who do... Do most people wipe with their hand, the good hand or the bad hand? I was thinking about this the other day.

55:02 Drew Imagine good hand.

55:03 Adam Imagine good hand. Because it's weird, you know, there's... Well, you know what I mean?

55:09 Drew Yeah, I'm following.

55:11 Adam Yeah?

55:11 Drew I'm just saying.

55:12 Adam Drew, what do you think? Good hand or you're right-handed?

55:15 Drew Yeah, you gotta go where the...

55:17 Adam So the hand...

55:17 Drew Coordination is best.

55:18 Adam You gotta dance with the hand that got you there?

55:20 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

55:21 Adam So the hand you shake everyone's hand with.

55:23 Drew Sure.

55:24 Adam That's the hand you wipe with?

55:25 Drew Yeah.

55:27 Adam Right?

55:27 Bad Religion Right or left?

55:29 Caller I'm ambidextrous.

55:31 Adam Uh-huh.

55:31 Caller Yeah. So I...

55:32 Drew Were you ambidextrous in all things? But you...

55:34 Caller Just wiping.

55:35 Drew Just wiping. Yeah.

55:35 Adam Just wiping. But you probably land more on one hand than the other. Do you like to surprise yourself?

55:40 Caller Yeah, I'm right-handed. So probably more with the right.

55:43 Adam Well, right-handed. You think right?

55:45 Bad Religion Right, absolutely.

55:46 Drew Yeah.

55:47 Adam Now here's the thing. I'm lefty, but I go right.

55:50 Drew Well, you're a little bit ambidextrous.

55:51 Adam I'm very ambidextrous, but...

55:52 Drew So you're ranger. What are you gonna do?

55:54 Adam No, I don't know if I could do it with my left.

55:56 Drew Well...

55:57 Adam It's weird. It's like once you get used to it...

55:58 Bad Religion Well, drop it and let's give a demonstration, see which we need to see. Drop Trow, Drew.

56:03 Caller That's a challenge.

56:04 Bad Religion I'll flop top if you drop Trow.

56:06 Adam I'll drop Trow.

56:07 Drew You bat left hand or right hand?

56:10 Adam Drew, you know the direction.

56:11 Bad Religion He's a switch hitter.

56:12 Adam I'm lefty. I'm a lefty through and through. It's just certain things. I don't know. Here's what I have a theory on. Whatever side of the wall you're freed up on, it depends how your toilet is laid out. Because some of them have sort of L shape. There's always the back wall that the toilet's against, obviously, and then sometimes there's a wall that pinches you on the right, and sometimes there's one that pinches you on the left. Whatever one you get used to, you want to bang your elbow on the tile. I think you, whatever you grew up with. Uh-oh.

56:42 Drew It seems like they mostly go on the left too because-

56:45 Adam The dispenser.

56:46 Drew Yeah, because that's where the sink comes to the edge and then there's the toilet.

56:50 Adam Well, I'm trying to go through my house and my mind's toilet eye right now. I'm trying to figure it out. But they sort of flip-flop. It sort of just depends how the bathroom is laid out and how, whatever. I mean, I've been a builder for many years and then there's no code that says you have to do it on this side or that side or even behind you or wherever. You just kind of do wherever you want.

57:10 Drew Yeah, yeah.

57:11 Adam Interesting. I bet if you grew up on a house that was a little tight on one side, you will be trained when you're sort of, you know, this is like it's easier to pick up a language or an instrument when you're younger.

57:23 Drew And every parent knows that only the child that possessed by the devil is wiped with the left hand. So the parents are on the kids about that.

57:29 Caller That is very Santana.

57:31 Drew From age two and on, they're just saying, no, not the left hand.

57:33 Adam Well, I know certain cultures have addressed this, maybe in Indian cultures, Eastern Indian, but I would go ahead and try to start a movement, pardon the pun, where we focus on getting the toilet paper out of the handshake hand and into the hand in the pocket hand. Just go ahead and put it in the left hand.

57:51 Drew But there's lots of potential for inaccurate hits and misses. You're not using the ultra-coordinated hand. You might be more likely to expose, and then you're bringing stuff out of the bag.

58:01 Bad Religion Then you got vaginitis. You never know.

58:05 Adam This is why we start early and often. No, no, no, no, Drew, here's how it goes.

58:09 Drew You should have a yeast infection and didn't even have bacterial infection. That would have gone away.

58:12 Adam Here's my point. Once you learn to do something with that hand, that other hand, that's just it. Like if you play the guitar and you learn the fingerings with the bad hand, you switch it around, doesn't do it. And like for me, I drive a manual shift, I shift with my right hand, wouldn't even feel good to do it with my good hand. Well, it's repetition. It's like a boxer. He gets used to jabbing with his bad hand and throwing his cross with his other hand. It just wouldn't feel right to turn him around. Once you get those kids potty trained with the left hand, then it frees up the right hand for shaking.

58:45 Drew You're right. Okay?

58:46 Adam Or we switch the handshake to the left.

58:49 Drew Or you shake depending on what you use to wipe.

58:52 Adam Drew, do you have chocolate in your mouth?

58:54 Drew You can't hear that.

58:54 Adam How old are you? You sound like Truman Capote. Are you kidding me?

58:58 Bad Religion He's not sharing either.

59:00 Adam No, he's not.

59:01 He's eating a whole Easter basket for himself.

59:03 Drew Look, whichever hand you wipe with, you shake with the other one. Just mix it up.

59:09 Adam Well, but then you run into a guy and you're both, you're riding a lefty and now you're screwed.

59:14 Drew You're right.

59:15 Adam You got to give the guy the fist or the elbow or something.

59:18 Drew We got to switch to elbows anyway.

59:19 Adam I'm with you. I'm just saying if 90 percent of the country wipes the ass with the right hand, let's go ahead and shift the handshake hand to the left hand. Would you say it's safe to say we're about 90 percent?

59:30 Drew I'd say.

59:31 Adam Okay.

59:31 Drew Yeah.

59:31 Adam Even me as a lefty goes right just because I'm sympathetic. Plus that's my left hand, like we freed up for magazine or if there's an intruder.

59:39 Drew Let's expression the man's imprint on you.

59:41 Adam Fight somebody off. All right. Where are we, Drew? Back to the phone.

59:45 Caller We'll fight you with my wiping hands.

59:49 Adam Steve, 23.

59:51 Caller Yeah. How you doing, guys?

59:53 Adam Good.

59:53 Caller All right. Here's the deal. I take 225 milligrams of sexter every day and sexual status facts have been kicking in lately.

1:00:03 Drew Yeah. Lately. My goodness of that dose. Well, regular effects or effects or XR?

1:00:07 Bad Religion XR.

1:00:10 Caller I'm taking about three years of severe depression. And now when I have sex, it takes a very long time to ejaculate or it doesn't even happen at all sometimes.

1:00:19 Drew And how's the depression doing?

1:00:20 Caller Depression's fine. I'm in remission.

1:00:23 Caller I feel pretty good.

1:00:24 Drew Yeah. So the cost or the sort of risk of stopping or reducing the antidepressants could be huge.

1:00:31 Adam What if he downgrades his dose a little bit?

1:00:34 Drew Well, that's one possibility. Talk to your doctor about that. There are three antidepressants that do not cause sexual side effects. That's Sarazone, Welbutrin, and Remeron. You can sometimes add Welbutrin, although to effects where it gets a little dicey, but you can add Welbutrin and that sometimes helps with the side effects.

1:00:52 I've been on Welbutrin before, but it didn't work well with me.

1:00:55 Drew I understand, but if you add it to the effects, sometimes you can reduce the sexual side effects. And there are other things people have tried, like hyperhepting and all kinds of funny little things. So you talk to your doctor about it. It's something worth addressing. I mean, your doctor should be skilled. Is it a psychiatrist who's saying yes?

1:01:11 Caller Yeah, yeah, that's correct.

1:01:12 Drew Yeah, he or she should be skilled in helping you with this because it's such a common side effect.

1:01:16 Caller Okay.

1:01:17 Adam All right. Have a good time, sir, Steve.

1:01:19 Caller All right.

1:01:20 Adam You wipe with the right hand or the left hand?

1:01:23 Drew He took off.

1:01:24 Adam He took off? That's it?

1:01:25 Drew That's it. He satisfied his customer.

1:01:27 Adam He got his answer and just kept moving. Let's do an informal survey. William?

1:01:31 Hey, guys, how you doing?

1:01:32 Bad Religion Good.

1:01:32 Adam You wipe with the right hand or the left hand?

1:01:34 Right hand. I am left handed.

1:01:36 Drew Oh, see?

1:01:37 Bad Religion Interesting. Someone's keeping score because we should tally this up.

1:01:40 Adam Yeah.

1:01:40 Drew It's going to be 100 percent right.

1:01:41 Adam Well, I'll tell you, I'm a lefty and I go right. I'm like William. William's a lefty and goes right.

1:01:47 Drew It's just the man.

1:01:47 Adam For me, it's a little, hey, if you're giving me the S hand, I'll give you my S hand. Why don't you give me my pristine hand when you're giving me one that's been deep dipped in fecal matter.

1:01:55 Drew A little S turn deserves another.

1:01:56 Adam That's right. Now, this cheek ain't turning. Giving it to you. It's wiping. Now hold on a second, William.

1:02:03 Bad Religion You know, pile through here. Patrick?

1:02:05 Caller Yeah.

1:02:06 Adam Right hand or left hand on the wiping?

1:02:09 Caller I'll go with right hand.

1:02:11 Drew I'm gonna predict the women are a little more flexible, like with all things. Let's see.

1:02:15 Adam I'll predict with women, they don't know. They will actually have to take it number two. In order to figure it out.

1:02:21 Bad Religion Well, they have to look at, they don't know they're left or right. I predict that's a problem, too.

1:02:25 Drew All right, April, let's talk to April.

1:02:26 Adam Here's what I'll suggest. If I were a chick, I'd use one hand for number one and the other for number two.

1:02:31 Drew Of course.

1:02:31 Adam See what I mean?

1:02:32 Caller Spent a lot of time on the pot.

1:02:34 Adam April? What hand do you wipe with when you're on the pot?

1:02:38 Caller The right.

1:02:39 Adam Right, okay. Now, look, we have to change the handshake. Let's go with the clean hand, everyone, not the fecal hand.

1:02:47 Drew Let's go to elbows.

1:02:50 Bad Religion Well, I don't know if we're going to. I don't know if.

1:02:51 Drew Avian flu is coming along here. Come on.

1:02:53 Adam Here's what I'm saying. Are we ever going to seal any business deal with an elbow? You know what I mean?

1:02:58 Drew Yes, eventually. We'll come, we'll be used to it.

1:03:00 Adam Time orders, buying out, Qualcomm.

1:03:02 Drew We can have an embrace. We can have an embrace, an elbow and an embrace. Elbow, elbow, chest hug. Yeah.

1:03:07 Adam No, no, no. Look, I'm being realistic. We're not going to get rid of the handshake. Let's switch it to the non-fecal hand.

1:03:13 Bad Religion All right?

1:03:14 Adam Because we're at 100% on right. We've surveyed four people in this room and talked to four or five out of this room. And we're all right.

1:03:21 Bad Religion Rick?

1:03:21 Adam Rick, what do you got?

1:03:23 Caller Right or left?

1:03:25 Bad Religion I'm right handed.

1:03:25 Drew There you go. That's it. That's the only thing we have to do.

1:03:29 Bad Religion I mean, we also can bring in what fingers they use to pick their nose left or right hand too.

1:03:35 Drew I bet that's more right too. And that's by the way, the staff lives in your nose. That's how you get staph infections. Staff aureus, absolutely.

1:03:42 Adam Well, the thing, I would also say this about the picking the nose.

1:03:47 Drew And by the first I'll say, how dare you? Cause I know that's sacred territory for you.

1:03:51 Adam The lion, the lion share the nose picking, at least at the Corolla house goes on in the Corolla car. I do the picking at night. That's my thing. I sometimes will get in the car and just drive around the block to pick my nose. I feel that, that, that powerful. It's that important to me that I will get my car drive around the block, just see if I can get some, you know, get myself in the mood.

1:04:10 Drew Yeah, sure, yeah.

1:04:11 Adam So, the lion's share of the picking goes on when I'm on the road. Another thing is, is you want your good hand on the wheel. I would assume, you know what I mean?

1:04:21 Drew Yep, still using your right hand.

1:04:21 Adam You want your good hand to pick your nose, but you also want your good hand firm in the wheel.

1:04:26 Drew What are you doing, picking left or right?

1:04:28 Adam That's tough, I have to get my car. I think I'm picking with my right. I got my business hand on the wheel.

1:04:37 Bad Religion Even more evidence on why we should switch to the left.

1:04:41 Adam Yeah, I think most folks do the nose picking with the same hand they do the wiping with.

1:04:46 Caller Where do you flick them?

1:04:48 Adam Oh, well, I'll go ashtray or out the window, but that flick moves out the windows, that telltale signs.

1:04:57 Drew By the way, go look at the side of his car when you go out there.

1:05:00 Adam Okay, that's true. How dare you attack me this way? And here's the other thing, too. There's nothing else you're doing when you're doing that hand roll thing out the thing with the thing. Everyone, you just might as well just pull a flag up over your car, just nose picking, because that is alerting the world that you're picky. There's nothing else. It's not like, well, I got a Mike and Ike or Jujubee stuck to my finger, or I just like to randomly hold my finger out and do that weird rolly thing.

1:05:22 Drew Can you do the sunroof?

1:05:24 Adam Either way, everyone knows what's going on. There's nothing else going on.

1:05:29 Drew You're getting busy.

1:05:30 Adam I thought I spilt hot coffee and so I'm hanging my hand out the window doing the weird rolly thing. There really needs to be another thing you do that does that other than picking the nose. Let's work on that, Drew.

1:05:40 Drew It's just for the sake of the person.

1:05:41 Adam Should we talk to Dr. William?

1:05:42 Drew Yeah.

1:05:43 Adam Let me just ask John real fast so he knows about the right hand. John?

1:05:49 Bad Religion John?

1:05:50 Drew Yeah?

1:05:51 Adam You, the hand you wipe your butt with after the number two, right or left hand?

1:05:56 Bad Religion Right hand.

1:05:57 Drew Let's ask his question. It's a quick one. What's your question, John?

1:06:00 Bad Religion Oh, wow.

1:06:01 Adam We're 100% in the right hand department.

1:06:03 Drew I'm not surprised.

1:06:05 Adam Eight crosses, gender lines, racial lines, religious lines. It's all about the right hand. That's it. I'm starting a new campaign for Left Hand Shake. John? Yeah. Go ahead.

1:06:17 Caller So I had an STD test done which included an HIV test, right?

1:06:21 Drew Yeah.

1:06:22 Caller And I guess the clinic that I went to, they do two tests for HIV, HIV 1, HIV 2. Both of those came back non-reactive. And then the test for the HIV antibody, it came back reactive. So what the doctor told me was that that could be nothing, because it's a pretty non-specific test. It could be nothing, but it could be something. So I'm just wondering, what is HIV antibody? What does all that mean as far as the test goes?

1:06:49 Drew The test that most people get is the antibody test. When you talk about being HIV positive, you're really talking about the antibody test. The problem is, because that's a screening test, it has to capture everybody that actually has the virus. But for it to be accurate and capture all of those people, it also carries with it the possibility of being positive for people that actually don't have the virus. So it's not super accurate that way.

1:07:17 Adam Can't let anyone slip by, so it can't be as accurate as it would be.

1:07:21 Drew Exactly.

1:07:22 Adam But they figure you'll take a second test that's more accurate, right?

1:07:25 Caller Yeah, they told me to come back in about three or four months.

1:07:27 Drew Well, no, that's different. They do a second test then called a Western Blot test, which is what he had done, which was negative. And a lot of people have positive antibody screens and end up not having the virus. Now, the one, I guess, risk they're concerned about is, is could this be early in an infection where you're just mounting an antibody response before you have detectable virus around? That's very unlikely, but it's worth getting back.

1:07:52 Adam Is all the screenings looking for the antibody?

1:07:56 Drew Screenings, yeah. But people will...

1:07:59 Adam The infection wouldn't show up?

1:08:01 Drew No, you can do it that way. There's specific DNA tests that will pick it up earlier, but it's not quite as accurate the way a screening test should be. In other words, you want a test that doesn't miss anybody that has the virus. In other words, the antibody reacts before the virus really begins getting produced.

1:08:18 Adam Well, should John be worried? So the antibody test is better because it can catch it earlier.

1:08:23 Drew Yes, it sounds like he shouldn't be worried, but definitely get retested in three months.

1:08:29 Caller What do you got? What's the deal with HPV in females, man? Like, you know, like, as far as like, is there a cancerous kind and is there another kind or is it all the same thing?

1:08:40 Drew No, there's different.

1:08:40 Adam What about those HEPA filters? As long as we're just sort of staying with the HEE and HP. And what is that? High efficiency, what does that stand for?

1:08:51 Drew The HPV is very, very common. Some of the viruses cause cervical cancer.

1:08:55 Adam What about HR Puffin stuff? Who's going on with that there? Is there an antibody test for that?

1:09:00 Drew But the ones that cause cancer, there is a vaccine being tested now that looks extremely effective and I think will be out. I think all people will be, all young people will be getting this vaccine within the next year.

1:09:13 Adam What about HG. Wells?

1:09:14 Drew I think HPV will be gone in a year.

1:09:16 Adam Did he write that 30,000 leaks under the sea?

1:09:20 Drew War of the Worlds?

1:09:21 Adam HG.

1:09:21 Drew Wells?

1:09:22 Adam I think he did the leaks too.

1:09:24 Drew And that was Jules Verne.

1:09:25 Adam That was Jules Verne, yeah.

1:09:27 Drew Good old Jules.

1:09:28 Adam Yeah, yeah. What about him, Drew?

1:09:31 Drew Drew Mandel.

1:09:31 Adam He started with an H.

1:09:33 Bad Religion Do you have any answers for that?

1:09:36 Drew What's the H stand for anyway?

1:09:38 Adam Which H?

1:09:38 Bad Religion HG.

1:09:39 Drew Wells.

1:09:39 Adam I don't know. Yeah, I don't know.

1:09:42 Bad Religion Get on the computer there. Look it up.

1:09:43 Adam Yeah, get on the computer.

1:09:44 Caller Yeah, let's research that. We gotta take a break. Bad boy.

1:09:45 Adam We gotta take a break. William?

1:09:47 Yeah, can you guys get to my call after the break?

1:09:50 Adam Okay.

1:09:50 Thanks.

1:09:51 Drew Good strategy.

1:09:52 Adam No, but Wednesday.

1:09:53 Drew He knows we cut him short.

1:09:54 Adam They'll technically be after the break. You realize any time in the next foreseeable future is after the break. Everything will come after this break.

1:10:01 Bad Religion Herbert.

1:10:02 Adam Herbert.

1:10:02 Bad Religion Herbert.

1:10:03 Adam Wow. That was fast.

1:10:04 Bad Religion Herbert George.

1:10:05 Adam Herbert George.

1:10:06 Bad Religion I learned so much tonight on Love Line.

1:10:07 Adam All right. Hang on there, William. We'll take your call after the break. Bad Religion is here tonight. We'll be right back after this. Huh?

1:10:14 Caller Loveline.

1:10:15 Caller Okay.

1:10:15 Caller Wait. Wait. My hair. My hair.

1:10:18 Caller We'll be right back.

1:10:31 Adam Yeah, buddy. Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, Bad Religion, in studio tonight. Yeah. Thank you. Here's something else off the Bad Religion CD. Let's talk to William, who made us promise. We talked to him when we got back from the break. William?

1:10:51 Hey, guys. Four quick comments real quick. Number one, Dr. Drew, I love your book, When Painkillers Become Dangerous and Crash.

1:10:58 Drew Oh, thank you.

1:11:02 Adam, I love you and your silver car that I've seen on the Adam Corolla project.

1:11:07 Drew Oh, the Z.

1:11:08 Caller Yeah.

1:11:09 Adam Thank you.

1:11:10 Bad Religion, you guys rock. I love all your music.

1:11:13 Caller Thank you. Thanks.

1:11:14 And number four, Anderson Cowan, I love you, dude.

1:11:18 Adam Wow. Full name. Didn't even know that was his last name. A little scary. Yeah. William.

1:11:24 Yes, sir.

1:11:25 Adam Virgin, right?

1:11:27 Caller Yes, sir.

1:11:27 Adam Yeah. Any guy takes the time to learn Anderson's last name. Ain't getting any.

1:11:32 Caller Yeah.

1:11:32 Drew Takes energy. The energy is going somewhere.

1:11:35 Adam No, there's the thing. It's like when you start getting laid in high school, that's where your entire focus becomes just getting laid. You don't have time for the minutia or the trivia part of life at all. And he said it right, too.

1:11:46 Caller He didn't say Cowan like everybody else.

1:11:48 Bad Religion Yeah.

1:11:50 Adam Go ahead, William.

1:11:51 Caller Okay, guys. I've been using marijuana for the last year to treat my back pain that I've had since I was about 10 years of age. I don't know where I got the back pain from.

1:12:03 Adam T-Bone by Chopper Roo.

1:12:05 Bad Religion Yeah, it's tough.

1:12:07 Adam Pretty ugly. The guy in the Chopper Roo didn't make it.

1:12:09 Bad Religion They didn't bunch up the big wheels.

1:12:11 Adam Burst into flames and couldn't get them out.

1:12:12 Bad Religion It started a race.

1:12:14 Drew So you've had pain, back pain since you were 10.

1:12:17 Caller Yes, sir. I went to my family doctor to see what he can do, but he won't give me anything stronger than an Advil because I've been known to abuse medication in the past. I abuse Prozac for depression.

1:12:28 Drew You abuse Prozac?

1:12:30 Caller Yes. Wow.

1:12:31 Drew Are you a trauma survivor? Were you abused in some fashion growing up?

1:12:34 Caller Yes, I was abused physically by my dad.

1:12:36 Drew Yes. When you get abuse, whether it's physical or sexual abuse, and even neglect sometimes, your brain confuses emotional pain and physical pain. Really, the how pain feels, literally the feeling associated with pain becomes something very intense, and feelings and pain and physical and emotional pain get all jumbled up. So the pain you get in your back can be very intense and overwhelming, but the reality is it's not coming from some source in your back, it's coming from source in your brain. If you've been prone to using opiates, that really puts some supercharge behind it, and marijuana will perpetuate that.

1:13:15 Adam Hey William, you're obviously a man of discerning taste and high intelligence, because you're a fan of the show, and you're one of these guys that's smart, but you got abused and that could screw up your life, and now you're trying to medicate yourself. But you're an intelligent guy who could really do a lot with your life.

1:13:32 Drew Yeah.

1:13:33 Adam You know what I mean? Why don't you do that?

1:13:35 Drew Before you end up strung out on whatever, get some help with this. There's treatments for these things. You're one of these people that would respond really well. There are psychologists that specialize in chronic pain, and you would probably really benefit from that.

1:13:50 Caller Well, guys, what I was basically wondering is why my anus was inside of a mason jar.

1:13:54 Bad Religion Oh, wow.

1:13:56 Drew It was very well done. You know, I was sitting there going, I don't feel addict to him. I don't feel addict. But I was going to go, no, it's going to be something different. And they said all the right things.

1:14:05 Adam Yeah, they said all the right things.

1:14:06 Drew I kind of trust my instincts more.

1:14:08 Adam Well, you felt nerd, not addict.

1:14:09 Drew I definitely felt no addict here.

1:14:12 Adam Well, cause guys who are virgins normally are addicts.

1:14:15 Drew I could just-

1:14:15 Adam But you're a virgin, aren't you, William? Yeah, sir. Yeah. That part I felt right. All right, buddy. Huzzah.

1:14:21 Drew Huzzah. Huzzah. Huzzah. Three huzzahs. Congratulations.

1:14:25 Adam That is a, that's a bogus call and that's a well-executed bogus call.

1:14:28 Bad Religion You win. What does he win?

1:14:30 Adam He gets a little something called satisfaction.

1:14:32 Drew Pride of ownership.

1:14:33 Adam You can't find it in the store and the station doesn't have to pay for it.

1:14:36 Bad Religion Maybe get a uniform from your fledgling company.

1:14:39 Adam Yeah. Servicon.

1:14:41 Drew Servicidus.

1:14:42 Adam Servicidus. We'll have a friendly service representative. Where are you calling from? Greater Los Angeles area? They have 14 locations in the Greater Los Angeles Riverside area. We'll go ahead and have a representative. Friendly service representative. Come to your home, sit down with you. It's no pressure. It's no sales, no pressure to buy. They'll sit down, open a catalog. We'll look at some cloth swatches, make some decisions. Do you want to go with the Royal Blue? Do you want to go with the Mustang White? We have many colors to choose from. And he'll drop you off a free cap just for sitting down and talking to him.

1:15:15 Drew There you go. But William, interesting.

1:15:18 Adam And he'll toss in, if you do make the purchase in the month of October, we will throw in 12 of those kind of weird belts that you only see Cub Scouts wear that cinch you up. Weird why with the weird belt buckle thing with the thing that slides on the thing and does that thing that way that only seems to show up in scouting. We'll throw in 12 of those.

1:15:36 Caller Perfect.

1:15:38 Bad Religion A lot of bands are selling those these days.

1:15:39 Drew Baseball uniforms sometimes have those.

1:15:40 Adam Oh, they do. Those are popular.

1:15:42 Bad Religion Yeah, they're hip now.

1:15:43 Adam They're popular.

1:15:44 Drew But it's interesting how-

1:15:45 Adam Living at color selection, you have to check your local supplier.

1:15:49 Bad Religion So local supplier will check that.

1:15:51 Adam I don't think you can get the royal blue with those things. All right, where are we, Drew?

1:15:55 Drew How interesting, when people say the right things, you lose track of your instincts. You just start going with what's being said. The team's to trump a lot of stuff when people say the right thing and start going.

1:16:03 Adam On the boat, well, it's easy.

1:16:04 Drew If they say it right, they really fill in all the blanks properly.

1:16:07 Adam You don't want to armchair quarterback a good bogus call, but I will say this. I felt it was weird that he was addicted to things and strung out on things in a nerd and a virgin.

1:16:19 Drew Yeah, but nerd is a feeling thing. It's like, well, I feel nerd here. I don't feel addict.

1:16:24 Adam Right.

1:16:25 Drew It's a gestalt.

1:16:26 Adam The thing I was about to say to him is you're going to be the first virgin in rehab because you just, they don't have the nerdy virgin guys in rehab.

1:16:35 Bad Religion That's the part that wasn't general. If you can't go in rehab, then you're a loser, right?

1:16:38 Adam It's a good point. People medicated. Also best people to score with, the people are going through the rapid detox. They're put under for like three days. They're just a corpse, essentially. That's a done deal. Yeah, that's done. Done and done. Done and done. Yes, Drew?

1:16:53 Drew Yes, done. That's huzzah.

1:16:55 Adam Huzzah, I say. All right, should we hear Bad Religion songs? That's a great idea.

1:16:59 Drew It's a great idea.

1:17:00 Adam I got an idea. Oh. I got things to talk about. What? Tell me what this means, Drew. Tell me if there's something wrong with me. All right?

1:17:11 Drew Okay.

1:17:12 Adam All right. You guys chime in too. Tell me if you think there's something wrong with me.

1:17:15 Drew Okay. Here we go.

1:17:16 Adam I went to New York last week to do Laddermann. I flew in. I flew in. I think I landed about 6.30 in the AM No, in the morning.

1:17:24 Drew You flew overnight Wednesday night?

1:17:26 Adam I flew overnight Wednesday night. Yeah. I slept a couple hours on the plane. Not too much. And I landed at about 6.15, 6.30, Thursday morning.

1:17:35 Drew So it's 3.30 hour time.

1:17:37 Adam Whatever.

1:17:37 Drew Yeah.

1:17:38 Adam It's effed up however you slice it.

1:17:39 Drew Yeah.

1:17:40 Adam I got in the town car and went to the hotel, got up the room about 7.38 in the morning, and promptly went to bed essentially for the night.

1:17:48 Drew Yeah.

1:17:49 Adam I got up about, now Letterman, the car was supposed to pick me up at 3.30 to go to do Letterman. I'd worked out a couple of beats over a couple of cocktails on the plane and stuff I was going to talk about, but nothing cemented. I went to bed about eight o'clock and woke up about 1.45. When I woke up, well, I'm sleeping for the night. It's about five hours of change or something. I wanted to sleep in. I didn't want to sleep for two hours and then go to Letterman. I got about 1.45 and I woke up. There was a couple of messages waiting for me from Letterman. And I thought, call back, a little bit urgent. Everything's urgent. TV, no matter what's urgent or not. And my first impulse was, oh, what's this? And my second impulse was, ooh, I'm getting bumped. I'm getting bumped because it happens. I remember Jimmy telling me he got bumped. They will bump your ass. Tom Cruise will do the show and Adam Corolla will not do the show. My first impulse was, oh, my God, I'm bumped. This is awesome. Even though even though I flew out to New York and waited and did the whole airport security thing and the whole thing, I thought, oh, thank Christ.

1:18:55 Drew I blame. I blame. There's nothing wrong with you, except for the fact that you're a product of the LA. Unified School District. Yeah. And I blame that. I blame the fact that it was so boring and so awful for you to go to school.

1:19:06 Adam Every single day I showed up, I prayed for an earthquake.

1:19:07 Drew That's right.

1:19:09 Adam God, please strike this building with an earthquake so I can go home.

1:19:12 Drew Or watch a film strip or watch a movie.

1:19:14 Adam I want to go home. Could there please be some reason for me to go home?

1:19:17 Drew Anything other than the school or work.

1:19:19 Adam So the crazy, unyielding desire to go home trumps almost everything. Even though I was in New York, I wanted to go home.

1:19:26 Drew You were excited to be on Letterman. You flew all the way to New York, and you thought it was awesome that you got bumped.

1:19:31 Adam I was over the moon.

1:19:33 Drew You overjoyed.

1:19:34 Adam And I looked at it and I remember it was like two calls. Call back ASAP and I thought, oh, I'm getting bumped. And then I called back and found out, much of my shock and horror that I was not being bumped.

1:19:45 Drew What were they calling about? Just make sure you're okay?

1:19:47 Adam That usual go over a couple of beats before you come in. And then I was dejected. I was like a beaten team, you know? It's like, when a man loses his confidence about wanting to go home, he's a really broken man. Yeah. And I just remember, I remember thinking, oh my God, you're disappointed that you have to, you're already here in New York. Drew, that is pathetic. Who else is that way?

1:20:06 Drew It is pathetic. Nobody.

1:20:08 Adam Let me tell you this, not nervous about doing it. I mean, not anymore.

1:20:13 Drew We've established that.

1:20:14 Adam No, but I mean, I could understand if somebody said, well, look, if, you know, you're gripped with fear and you're a nerve wrack and you just didn't, you thought you were going to get out there and just clam up.

1:20:23 Drew No, no, no, this is you just not doing, fill in the blank. You're happy.

1:20:28 Adam I wasn't worried that it wasn't going to go well. I wanted to go home.

1:20:31 Drew Here is the only thing I could imagine you actually said about is if you were going to go fly a model airplane, buy a new car, go fishing or whatever, go on something I wanted to do. You'd be, oh my God, if somebody said, I can't make it snowed in.

1:20:47 Adam Right.

1:20:48 Drew You go crazy.

1:20:49 Bad Religion So sad.

1:20:50 Adam Wow.

1:20:51 Bad Religion Is there a psychological condition that's, is there a term for that or anything?

1:20:55 Adam Yeah, Drew, what do you call that?

1:20:56 Drew Servicitis.

1:20:57 Adam Just lazy. I think you call it no count.

1:20:58 Caller No count.

1:21:00 Adam No count, be also good accounting firm. They work in conjunction with servicitis. Needs some tax preparation. Go to no count. Go to the good friendly people at no count. Sit down with some of their representatives. Yeah? Sure. All right, Drew, is there anything, am I ever going to be able to change that? I don't think that one's changing.

1:21:18 Drew No, it's a couple years ago, you might have been able to.

1:21:21 Adam So pathetic, window shut on that, huh?

1:21:23 Drew Yeah, I think so.

1:21:24 Adam Expired?

1:21:24 Drew You go back, no, no, no, no, it's done.

1:21:27 Adam Well, maybe with like shock therapy or something.

1:21:29 Drew I was just thinking we would send you back to school or something, but, I'm not kidding.

1:21:32 Adam All right, we will, now you talk so much, Drew, we don't get to hear Bad Religion song, but we will. We will take a break and then we'll come back here to Bad Religion also.

1:21:41 Drew April?

1:21:41 Adam New Year's protection, yeah, we'll speak to April. Got pregnant.

1:21:43 Bad Religion Wives with the right hand.

1:21:45 Adam Right hand? Oh, we spoke there, yeah. Take a quick break, be right back after this. Yeah, Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Greg Brooks here tonight from Bad Religion. Empire Strikes First, name of the CD. We'll hear another cut off that. First, we'll speak to April, right-handed April.

1:22:29 Drew Yeah. Well, right-handed wiping April. We don't establish what hand she uses. What's the good hand? We didn't ask her, are you right-handed or left-handed? Oh, yeah.

1:22:39 Adam I'm going to do the math and say she's right-handed.

1:22:42 Drew Well, we established that everybody goes with the right hand on the wipe.

1:22:44 Bad Religion Well, I was thinking, I was in the bathroom peeing, like what, I use my left hand to hold my penis when I pee, but my dominant hand is the right, so we need to get on that tip.

1:22:54 Drew Yeah, but that's just touching your skin.

1:22:55 Adam Urine sterile. And that's just touching your pepe.

1:22:58 Bad Religion Yeah. Yeah.

1:22:59 Adam Unless it's been in someone's ass. Then we gotta talk, like Drew's penis covered in fecal matter.

1:23:04 Bad Religion Well, you use your left or right hand to hold your penis.

1:23:06 Adam It's like a pecan log. It's like urine coming out of a pecan log.

1:23:10 Drew But it's auto-inoculation if you're not, I'm just saying.

1:23:13 Bad Religion Oh, buddy.

1:23:14 Adam Why'd you have to go there?

1:23:16 Caller It's the thumb and index finger.

1:23:17 Adam Don't go there. I'll drop trial if you go there.

1:23:20 Drew Don't drop trial.

1:23:21 Adam April?

1:23:22 Caller Uh-huh.

1:23:23 Drew Well, you did drop, I'm just saying.

1:23:24 Adam You sound like a disaster. What happened to you?

1:23:27 Caller Nothing, man.

1:23:29 Adam Where's your dad?

1:23:31 Caller I'm 20.

1:23:33 Adam Oh, you are angry, baby.

1:23:35 Caller I'm not angry, dude. Yeah.

1:23:38 Adam Where's your dad? Where's your dad?

1:23:40 Drew Oh, she's high, too.

1:23:41 Caller He's in prison.

1:23:43 Drew Uh, how do we know that?

1:23:44 Adam Magically.

1:23:45 Bad Religion Shocked.

1:23:46 Adam Shocker. Shocker. Hi, Drew. Read what the screen says.

1:23:50 Drew Never uses protection with fiancee, hasn't gotten pregnant, sterile.

1:23:54 Adam Says anything about her being angry? Anything about her hating men? No. Anything about her dad being in prison?

1:23:59 Drew No, that would just jumped out through the phone.

1:24:02 Adam Yeah. He owed it to the man, the in man. Oh, you angry, baby.

1:24:08 Caller I'm not angry, man.

1:24:09 Adam Yeah.

1:24:11 Caller Sure.

1:24:12 Adam You jovial. Your dad's in the joint.

1:24:14 Caller I've never been in, man.

1:24:16 Adam Why is your dad in prison?

1:24:18 Caller I've never met him.

1:24:20 Bad Religion That's awesome.

1:24:21 Caller He's in prison for beating his son.

1:24:24 Bad Religion Oh, yeah.

1:24:25 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:24:27 Adam I had to put it on hold because of the S word.

1:24:29 Caller All right.

1:24:29 Adam But anyway, everything's cool with her. She has no issues related to her father or men whatsoever. I just hear anger. When I hear angry, chick, here's how complicated women and humans are really, pretty much. I hear two syllables. My little spidey sense kicks in. Oh, angry, angry. Hostile. Hostile. All right. Where's your dad? Boom. That explains it. Now we're good.

1:24:55 Caller Yeah.

1:24:55 Adam That's how it works.

1:24:56 Drew Yeah.

1:24:57 Caller Yeah, man.

1:24:58 Adam Yeah, man.

1:24:59 Drew Yeah.

1:24:59 Adam There's no there's no hostile women that love their dad.

1:25:02 Bad Religion Mm hmm.

1:25:04 Drew She sounds like Jodie Foster from Taxi Driver. Yes.

1:25:06 Adam Maybe accused. Hey, man. Hey, April. You cannot swear on the radio.

1:25:13 Caller I know, David. Sorry. I'm not doing it.

1:25:16 Adam OK.

1:25:17 Drew What's your question?

1:25:17 Caller OK, bro. Uh, me and my fiance have a lot of sex.

1:25:25 Drew And what?

1:25:26 Caller And we don't use protection.

1:25:29 Adam It's a shocker. You know, she doesn't use protection because she's allergic to burlap. Write that down, Drew.

1:25:37 Drew That's a good one.

1:25:38 Bad Religion Got it.

1:25:40 Bad Religion I just paint stuff on my penis, kind of like the pasty thing.

1:25:44 Adam I actually shoot a little latex caulk right in the end there. Just to just blot it off. It comes out of my ears. Well, anyway, you're going to get pregnant.

1:25:54 Drew Yeah, you will, April. Don't worry.

1:25:55 Caller No, I won't.

1:25:56 Drew Yeah, you will.

1:25:57 Adam Please, please get an abortion if you get pregnant. Please, please, please, please.

1:26:02 Caller You got to listen to my question, man.

1:26:04 Drew All right, what's the question?

1:26:05 Adam You got to start swearing again.

1:26:06 Caller I know, man. Listen, but I was wanting to know if smoking is that the reason.

1:26:13 Caller Oh, there we go.

1:26:14 Drew That's it, you're out.

1:26:15 Bad Religion I think you should smoke an Esselad of marijuana or something.

1:26:18 Drew Well, that doesn't help your fertility. You're doing drugs to not help fertility.

1:26:22 Adam Here's the chance.

1:26:23 Drew That doesn't prevent pregnancy.

1:26:24 Adam Here's the chance that we have as a Western civilization. If the April's of the world need to be tagged and possibly bagged, for now, just tag them and I'll give them a nor plant and I cannot let them reproduce because if April gives birth and has offspring, those kids will be destroyed. I'm not talking about the band. Rock hard. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. If anyone thinks that the April's of the world are capable of raising a child, they're sorely mistaken. And by the way, you can't get a first and last together for an apartment and you can't make a lease payment on furniture. What makes you think you can take care of a kid?

1:27:08 Drew Right.

1:27:08 Bad Religion But those kind of people also will say like, well, I don't need a dad. I don't got no dad. I'm just fine.

1:27:13 Adam Right.

1:27:14 Drew Not only that, I'm a great mom. This April will call us, I'm a fantastic mom.

1:27:19 Adam Yeah. Or actually the catch all, which I love my kid.

1:27:22 Drew Love my kid. Now, we're having foursomes with my neighbors. So anyway. Right.

1:27:27 Adam All right, April. Here's the thing. You will get pregnant. You are, you're wickedly stupid, but you have to be smart enough to listen to smart people when you're dumb. And that's all you have to do. I feel like I have to refresh people with that thought every once in a while.

1:27:39 Drew Take birth control, so you won't get pregnant because things are too effed up for you not to get pregnant.

1:27:44 Adam Here's, here's the thing, everybody. When you're stupid and I'm not stupid enough to think that there aren't stupid people out there, I don't go for this crap where it's like, oh, this guy's a genius and this guy's brilliant, but then there's no stupid people. That doesn't work. It's like at the end of the football season, if somebody's, if somebody's 15 in one, somebody's going to be one in 15. They all don't get to just be 15 in one. Or somebody's 15 in one, everyone else is 500. Now there are some losers out there. Now all you have to do is listen to smart people. You do not have to be smart yourself. Just do not go against what smart people tell you. When the cops tell you, go ahead and put your hands up or show a form of idea or whatever, do it, comply. It's not the part where you're dumb, it's the part where you don't know you're dumb. And it's like being the skipper of a ship and you don't know you can't navigate a ship.

1:28:35 Drew Mr. Magoo.

1:28:36 Adam You are Mr. Magoo. Mr. Magoo is smarter than this.

1:28:40 Drew But Mr. Magoo is as clueless as these guys.

1:28:42 Adam But he thinks a raccoon coat is his dog. And he's still a step up on half the people that call this show. So here's the thing, realize you're dumb, realize you will get pregnant, realize you should listen to Dr. Drew, and then go ahead and use it. You know how you cheat at school? Do that in life. Look over everyone's shoulder. Huzzah. Huzzah. And it's all free. You don't have to be a doctor. You call Dr. Drew. He goes to med school. His dad shelves out all the bucks. He goes through all the service. Everyone's hair falls out. And he just tells you real quick, you're gonna get pregnant, use some protection, and you just steal, steal a little piece of his soul. What, hundreds of thousands of dollars of schooling? I mean, by the time you get through the little Lord Fauntleroy School for albino hemophiliacs, and then K through 12, by the way, and then you go to college and then med school and all the residencies and post-graduate, hundreds of thousands of dollars. Pow, he just gave you 1,500 bucks for free. Use it, use it everybody. Don't argue with everyone all the time. Find out the experts, pick their brains and use them for free. All right.

1:29:48 Drew Song.

1:29:48 Adam Oh yeah, Bad Religion. Use Bad Religion, this is free. Rock out for free.

1:32:46 Bad Religion That's a little bad religion for you, but then we won't.

1:32:50 Adam Haven't lost our edge after 25 years.

1:32:52 Drew Crazy.

1:32:53 Adam We'll take a, crazy, Danny, take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:32:58 Bad Religion All right, guys, here's the deal. Looking to hook up?

1:33:01 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:33:01 Bad Religion Sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:33:03 Caller Call the Dateline. One call is all you need to make. Call the Dateline.

1:33:12 Caller If you need help.

1:33:14 Caller Call Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:33:30 Bad Religion Yeah, Loveline.

1:33:32 Caller Well, that's it.

1:33:33 Adam Where'd the show go? What happened to the show, Drew?

1:33:36 Drew You got great guests, you have great shows. Huzzah.

1:33:38 Adam Huzzah, I say to that. Hip, hip, and a huzzah. I think Greg and Brooks are coming in here from Bad Religion.

1:33:44 Bad Religion Thanks for having us.

1:33:46 Adam And The Empire Strikes First, name is CD. Out as we speak, band starting up the big tour November 2nd. And until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. Where's your dad?

1:33:56 Caller I'm 20.

1:33:57 Adam Oh, you are angry, baby.

1:33:59 Caller I'm not angry, dude.

1:34:02 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, October 16, 2005