Episode 1000728771238

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised.

1:13 Voiceover This is Loveline. With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew's board certified physician. Dixon Medicine Specialist.

1:31 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:32 Adam We're just looking at these new iPod Nanos. They are, well, the size of a credit card. A little bit thicker. Super sleek, super sexy. But this really makes me think about my global conspiracy with the electronics and dropping them and breaking them.

1:48 Drew Meaning.

1:49 Adam Meaning. And I'll put that down and focus over here. Now, would you pick up on what I'm putting down for a second?

1:55 Drew I know it's something good.

1:56 Adam Everybody close your eyes and open your minds, man, and dig. OK?

2:02 Drew Yeah.

2:02 Adam Every piece of electronic equipment made in the last 10 years does not have an edge on it.

2:11 Drew Yes. Conspiracy will make it slide out.

2:13 Adam Think of what a pistol grip looks like. You ever hold a pistol in your hand?

2:17 Drew Yeah, it's substantial.

2:18 Adam That knurled handle that lay. It's meant not to come loose. It's not like holding a wet banana. You are meant to hang on to that pistol. Now think about tools.

2:30 Drew Tools, they got a big grip on them.

2:32 Adam They have to grip. Now think of iPods. Think of cell phones. Think of MP3 players.

2:38 Drew You know, I think of a bar of soap in the shower.

2:41 Adam My goddamn cell phone looked like JPL tested it in a wind tunnel. I mean, it's not only is there not a sharp edge on it, not only is every single corner broken on it, and the thing is shaped basically like a salt flat air streamer. It's really shaped like a 60s airplane, but not only that, everything is made of brushed titanium. This crap not only goes sailing out of your hands, it goes sailing out of your sweatpants, it goes sailing out of your car. You literally have difficulty just flipping the thing open without it coming loose from your hands. Every single piece of new, even new cameras, super sleek, super smooth, super sleek. Everything is super sleek and super smooth. Now, how many iPods, how many cell phones get dropped every year? How many of those cameras get dropped every year?

3:40 Drew So basically, the guys that used to be advising the tobacco companies, have gone over to the electronics company and have big meetings with them and say, here's how you screw your consumers.

3:49 Adam Yeah. Well, here's the first thing they sold us on. The first thing they sold us on is, it's cheaper to buy a new one. They started selling us on that one about 15, 20 years ago. Because it used to be, if a piece of electronics broke, you'd go get a new tube, you'd go get it fixed, you'd have a repair guy, a guy would come to your house.

4:07 Drew So, where's the Maytag man?

4:08 Adam First order of business, well, the guy who played the actor actually died. But the proverbial Maytag man, yes, he's sitting there, he's bored, Drew, he doesn't get to work.

4:15 Drew Because the new one is cheaper.

4:17 Adam No, here's my, well, the Maytags are breakdown, but here's my point. My point is, the first mission is to sell us all on the retarded notion that we should just buy a new one and never have the old one fixed.

4:28 Drew Right.

4:28 Adam And we all bought into it.

4:30 Drew We like that.

4:31 Adam Your kids are growing up in a time period where there'll be no repair of anything.

4:35 Drew It's all disposable.

4:36 Adam They're going to be driving their car, they're going to get a flat, they're going to leave it there and walk home. I just got to get, dad, I need a new car. What happened? One of those things that's round, that hold, it's like a donut, but there's air in it, it's flat. It went down. They're not even going to know the name of it. Your kids are going to know what it is. I got to know. They go, what are you talking about? You know that thingy with the engine in it? An automobile, son? Yes. What did you say? Yes, an automobile. Here's my point. We have sold society on the fact that we should throw out everything that breaks.

5:04 Drew Yep.

5:05 Adam That's number one. Number two, make it super sleek. You can't hang on to it. You drop your phone twice a day. You drop your digital camera. You drop your iPhone. That iPod, you try to take that goddamn thing out of your sports pack or whatever. It's just sailing.

5:18 It launches itself across.

5:20 Drew Next thing, make it aerodynamic.

5:21 Adam Across. It is aerodynamic too, but they're actually going to put fins on it. Yeah, they're actually going to put a canard on it. It'll be a Delta wave. My point is, is this is a conspiracy. Now, how much money do you make if you sell cell phones and the person never drops one, as opposed to them dropping them and busting it once or twice a year?

5:43 Drew It's better you break them, of course.

5:45 Adam Otherwise, you get six years of the same one. Or you could drop one a year and do 600 times the business.

5:52 Drew Perfect.

5:53 Adam Think about everything. Think about everything that's got a chip, a lens, a battery. Think, what do you think yearly the re-whatever is? Because the thing dropped out of the hand, fell out of hand, got out of the car.

6:06 Drew Billions. But it's been perfectly executed because first, they tilled the soil with, it's cheaper if you buy a new one.

6:12 Adam Yes, they have.

6:12 Drew They'll execute it.

6:13 Adam They tilled the soil with that BS. And number two, as per usual, I've never heard anyone say a word about it.

6:20 Drew Because it's too carefully done, too exquisitely executed.

6:22 Adam Everyone just blames themselves when the super sleek, edgeless piece of grease titanium falls out of their sweaty hands.

6:30 Drew Now what in the hell have you done to this thing? Well, I'll tell you what I did.

6:34 Adam I got goddamn proactive is what I did.

6:36 Drew Oh my God. But still, it's still slippery as hell.

6:39 Adam Oh, hey, hey, hey, you idiot. Let's draft it. I put a piece of Velcro on the backside of it so it won't go sailing out of my goddamn sweatpants every time I climb out of my car.

6:48 Drew But the scratches looks like graffiti all over the thing.

6:51 Adam Well, I tried to rough it up.

6:53 Drew Well?

6:54 Adam Well, it's still slippery, but it's not as bad as it was before. It was a greased pig. You understand? Now it's just a greased flagpole.

7:03 Drew It looks like somebody was trying to get out of jail with this thing or something. You're trying to chip your way out of it.

7:07 Adam This cell phone looks like it was meant to fly out of your hand, does it not?

7:12 Drew Like none other, this one's really bad.

7:15 Adam Not only that, here's what I love about the phone too. There's no little hitch where you can lift the thing up. So it's a two-hander. When the phone rings, you got to take your hand off the wheel or your penis or whatever you're hanging on to and do that. All I'm saying is it is a billion, multi-billion dollar a year industry, phones, electronics, iPods, MP3 players, all that crap flying out of everyone's hands. Nobody says a word about it. We just drop it and go buy a new one.

7:43 Drew We're just lemmings. Speaking of lemmings.

7:46 Adam Nobody. Nobody thought about it. Have you ever heard this from anyone?

7:50 Drew Well, I think I've heard it once or twice from you, but no, no one else. All callers you get through tonight who are 18 years or over...

7:56 Adam Global conspiracy...

7:57 Drew .will receive two tickets to see Cry Wolf.

7:59 Adam I played the Japanese.

8:00 Drew Basically some students...

8:01 Adam It's Pearl Harbor all over again.

8:02 Drew Basically some students...

8:03 Adam This is bigger...

8:04 Drew .create an online murderer and he comes to real life. And everyone who gets tickets also qualifies to see the song who did the... the group did the block... the soundtrack for the Silky Sleuth. The block party. Who are you?

8:16 Adam KZK?

8:16 Drew Anywhere in Europe.

8:17 Adam Come on, buddy.

8:18 Drew This Friday, you lie, you die. Cry Wolf at theaters everywhere.

8:22 Adam You lie, you die. Now when they say lie, they don't spell like lie down.

8:26 Drew L-I-E.

8:27 Adam Okay. Now what would you do if you were lying down?

8:31 Drew You lie.

8:31 Adam You lay down.

8:32 Drew Yeah. Well, you die, you lay.

8:36 Adam But it's different. They mean lying.

8:37 Drew Yeah. They mean like telling a lie.

8:39 Adam They mean like I'm taking a nap.

8:40 You die. No.

8:41 Adam Okay. Because I couldn't take that.

8:43 Drew Block party anywhere in Europe. They will be announcing the winners.

8:45 Adam Anywhere in Europe.

8:46 Drew Look at this lineup too. They're all over the place. And they'll be announcing winners on Sunday.

8:50 All right.

8:51 Adam I could just win that thing. Well, yeah. What happened to the old days of radio with pay all on crap? Let me tell you something. Let me tell you how radio used to work. They'd give, you know, specialized would have a $400 mountain bike that they'd be giving away to Caller 33. Believe me, who was ever doing the shift that night rode at home.

9:10 Drew Oh, sure.

9:10 Adam That's how it worked with a big bundle of Coke hanging off the back of it. And, you know, hookers and everything. That's all radio used to be.

9:18 Drew We missed that.

9:19 Adam Paola, baby. Coke, hookers. Oh, you want, you want.

9:23 Drew Trek bikes.

9:23 Adam Oh, oh, here, let me hear that song. This is how it used to work. The first time anyone ever heard Maneater by Hall Notes. It was like, oh my God, this flaming wretched turd. It'll never be played on the radio ever. Oh yeah? How about a BJ and a sack of cocaine? Maneater shoots the number one. Whoa, whoa, here she comes. That's how, you know, all those horrible songs that, why should I say your parents are 70s and 80s stuff? How it got played? Coke. Coke and whores. Now we got none of that. They cleaned everything up as soon as I got here. I got nothing. I got a pair of Uggs eight years ago. That's the only thing I've ever got.

10:03 Drew Yes. What happened? That was the greatest thing we ever got.

10:07 Adam Leah?

10:08 Yeah.

10:09 Adam You're 20?

10:10 Caller Yeah.

10:11 Adam Watch out, boy. She'll chew you up.

10:14 Caller Whoa, whoa, here she comes.

10:16 Adam She's a man eater. Really? I say that song was not only Coke, Paola, prostitution and possibly just straight bullion and just gold bullion in a bar form.

10:31 Drew It must have been.

10:31 Adam Yeah. Go ahead, Leah. That song blew so much ass. She only comes out at night. Yeah. Go ahead, Leah.

10:43 Caller Okay. Well, I have like this issue where I'll be with a guy for like the first three months and we're extremely like sexually active, like sex will be every other day, if not more. And then it begins to dwindle. And then about at the three month point, it'll like stop completely. And it's all like me. It's not my partner.

11:09 Drew How many times has this happened?

11:10 Caller Well, I've only had my last boyfriend and my current one.

11:15 Drew So twice it has happened. And what's going on in the relationship around that time?

11:19 Caller Nothing. That's what I don't understand is because I'm like the guy that I'm currently with. We've been together for over a year.

11:29 Drew What are you going from what to what? How often to how often? And when you're very active, how often are you doing it? When you die down, how often are you doing it?

11:36 Caller When I'm very active, it's like every day or every other day or as often as we see each other because I live in two different houses, obviously. And then it will die down to maybe once a week and then I'll just be like not at all, like not even like making out or kissing or anything.

11:56 Drew Well, once a week is kind of normal, for one thing.

11:58 Caller Well, right now, it's not at all.

12:01 Drew All right, so you just lose your sex. Now, usually the most common reason for that is that you don't feel comfortable in intimate relationships. As genuine intimacy develops, the sexuality goes out. Is that right?

12:15 Caller I don't know because...

12:17 Drew Well, anything we need to know about your history when you're growing up?

12:21 Caller When I was little, I was fine. When my freshman year of high school, I was raped by a close friend.

12:30 Adam What do you mean raped? Tell us. That woman is wild, woo. That's my favorite line. We got no rhymes. How about you write, that woman is wild, woo.

12:40 Drew There you go. That'll do.

12:42 Adam Doesn't have to rhyme with that man or eat or anything?

12:44 Caller Yeah, Marko. It's an awesome song.

12:47 Adam Yeah, go ahead, Leah. Who raped you? Who is this guy?

12:52 Caller We were on a track team together.

12:55 Drew Was he also a freshman?

12:57 Caller No, he was a upperclassman.

13:00 Drew And was it like a violent rape?

13:01 Adam Does upperclassman mean a senior?

13:03 Drew Junior, senior.

13:04 Caller Yeah.

13:04 Adam Could be a junior or a senior, right?

13:06 Caller He was a senior.

13:07 Adam Did you go to a regular high school or public school?

13:10 Caller Yes.

13:11 Adam What an upperclassman. Yeah. They probably say grade 11 there too. All right. And did you call the cops?

13:20 Caller No, because the way the way it happened is, you know, like how everybody like they, you blame yourself afterwards. And then by the time that I had finally come to realize that it wasn't my fault, I felt like it was just too late.

13:35 Adam Like it was, how, how, what was the circumstances of the rape? We had a party.

13:40 Caller Yeah, we were at a party and then everybody left and he, he had set up some drugs and I didn't want to do it. And he basically forced me to do it.

13:51 Drew How do you force somebody to do drugs? Did he shoot it in your vein?

13:57 Caller No, no, no. It was, it was marijuana. And he had like a bong set up and he like pushed my head over the bong until I inhaled. And he must have like laced it with something. I don't know because I went, like, it's not like I blacked out, but I couldn't like move physically.

14:14 Drew All right. Well, that's, that's, that's, that's earlier trauma stuff. So do you sexually abuse growing up or something?

14:21 Caller No.

14:22 Drew Did you beaten or something growing up?

14:23 Caller No.

14:24 Drew Because that, that freeze reaction you're describing.

14:26 Adam Is your dad not around?

14:28 Drew No, that freeze reaction you're describing is a typical reaction of trauma survivors. It's actually called death fainting behaviors. And it's something that happens when something really heavy went on in childhood, usually repeatedly. And so you learn that behavior when you're in the, in the threat situation. And again, you freeze.

14:44 Adam Do you lose a parent or anything?

14:47 Caller My dad left when I was four, but I've had a father figure in my life.

14:51 Drew Why did your dad leave when you were four?

14:53 Caller I don't know. Like my parents were divorced before I was born.

14:57 Adam And you haven't seen your dad?

14:59 Caller Since I was four. But I've had a father figure in my life.

15:02 Drew I understand, but your biological father is important here.

15:05 Adam Yeah.

15:05 Drew I don't know what he would have done to you. All right. To me, it's max of something really gone wrong.

15:10 Adam Well, let me say this, Drew. Biological dad that splits.

15:13 Drew Yeah.

15:14 Adam It never comes back into the life.

15:16 Drew Yeah. Heavy.

15:17 Adam Oh, no, not only heavy, but it doesn't make you wonder if they did something.

15:21 Drew Yes, that's what I was.

15:22 Adam I know that's what you said. I mean, here's the thing. I never really think about it. It's always just like, you know, dad's a rolling stone. Oh, no, much better song pop-up is rolling stone than Mayonator, by the way.

15:32 Drew The guy that leaves like that, think how big a a-hole he is.

15:35 Adam Obviously, he's a colossal a-hole. I used to just think he was a crazy narcissist, but now as I think about it, maybe he did something that he never wants to be accountable for.

15:44 Drew And not only that, how much of an a-hole or criminal or whatever sociopath must have been for the mom to be, whew, get rid of that one.

15:54 Adam Right.

15:54 Drew I never want to see him again. Thank God he got out of our life. These are people that are quite capable of abusing kids and usually do. All right. So I think something really happened there.

16:03 Adam Well, how about a little therapy?

16:04 Drew Yes, ma'am.

16:05 Caller Yeah.

16:07 Adam She only comes out at night. The lean and hungry type. You know, it was funny when I was explaining to Jimmy what a suck-off song that was.

16:16 Drew He did not defend that song.

16:17 Adam Well, yes, he did.

16:17 Drew No, he did not.

16:19 Adam Yes, he did.

16:20 Caller Yes, he did.

16:21 Adam But I was-

16:22 Drew I can't, I can't like-

16:24 Adam He defended it.

16:25 Drew With cashews.

16:26 Adam He defended it.

16:26 Drew He doesn't like cashews.

16:28 Adam He doesn't like cashews, but he does like manny.

16:30 Caller He doesn't like cars.

16:31 Adam He likes pop songs, but here's the point. Here's the point. I told him it was the worst song ever written. That's what he was arguing with me about.

16:37 Drew What did he claim those were?

16:38 Adam One of the times I was arguing with someone about what a blow-ass song that was, and I was like, I screwed up the words. I was like, she only comes out at night being the hungry type. And they were like, it's not being the hungry type, it's the lean and hungry type, you idiot. Oh, I see. Now it's-

16:55 Drew Now it's poetry.

16:56 Adam Now, the clearest space in Cleveland, Ohio, at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, because that baby's going in.

17:05 Drew Okay.

17:06 Caller All right.

17:07 Adam You never did like that crampy song, did you?

17:09 Drew No, I remember that period of music, thinking what is wrong with people.

17:13 Adam Watch out boy, she'll chew you up.

17:16 Drew That was 1981.

17:17 Caller She's a man.

17:20 Adam Here's where I would be the world's worst songwriting partner. You'd come to me with that song, like I'd be John Hall or Darryl Oates, and they'd come to me and be like, hey, that's a pretty good, and then I'd just smack them in the face.

17:33 Drew Yeah, you actually hit them in the nuts.

17:34 Adam I just punch them right in the face. I go, you want to waste my time finding out?

17:37 Drew Next.

17:39 Adam Are you high?

17:39 Drew Go to work.

17:40 Adam You get the F back out there and write a decent song, would you? Stop bothering me.

17:43 Drew This is why New Wave came out with such a blast, because that's what they were competing with. People were like, oh my god.

17:49 Adam Andrew?

17:50 Caller Yeah.

17:51 Adam What's happening, brother man?

17:53 Caller Not too much, just hanging out.

17:55 Adam All right. You got a question?

17:57 Yeah.

17:58 Caller So I work at a horse track in Minnesota, right? And there's this 26-year-old girl that I work with, and she, her and I have been dating for the past two months, you know, just nothing under the covers or anything like that. And I guess she hasn't had sex in nine years, since she was 17. And so I'm just kind of wondering, like, if you think there's any mental issues with her, if I should keep pursuing this, because it's definitely a challenge.

18:26 Adam Look, any chick that works at a horse track has mental issues.

18:29 Caller Good call, good call.

18:30 Adam Everybody who works at a horse track has mental issues.

18:33 Drew Yeah.

18:33 Adam The only guy that really doesn't have issues is a guy who blows that big trumpet at the start. The bugler, that guy is fine.

18:41 Drew He goes home afterwards and plays the Philharmonic.

18:43 Caller The jockeys are nuts.

18:44 Adam The trainers are basically just felons. These are people that are just living on the society's fringe. You know what I mean? Then you got the people at the track. Then you have the jockeys are high on drugs, the trainers are a-holes, the guys you see hanging around on a Tuesday in the afternoon with the racing form in the back pocket and the cigar butt hanging out. I mean, that is really the worst society has to offer.

19:13 Caller Yeah?

19:15 Caller Thank you.

19:16 Don't do it.

19:17 Adam Andrew?

19:17 Caller Absolutely gorgeous girl. She's 26. She's about 5 foot 3. Nice body. She's kind of down on herself, though.

19:25 Adam Yeah, well, look. I'm sure she had a rough outing when she was 17.

19:30 Caller Right.

19:31 Drew I'm a little unclear. Well, I'm just trying to see what's going on. I'm a little unclear.

19:34 Caller Well, I'm just trying to see, like, if you guys think, because she's always down on herself and I was making remarks like she's not pretty or anything like that.

19:42 Adam Well, like, if you like her, go ahead. Go out with her.

19:45 Caller Yeah, but I'm just like, because I'm sure she's going to want to settle down sometime soon. She's 26. You know what I mean?

19:50 Drew Well, she's ancient. Ancient, over the hill.

19:53 Caller Yeah. Right, right.

19:55 Drew You're fine, Andrew.

19:56 Caller So I don't want to get into that. I know.

19:59 Drew Well, then may declare yourself.

20:00 Adam Go have sex with her and go have a date.

20:02 Drew It's fine. She's fine.

20:03 Adam Give her a roll in the hay.

20:05 Drew Or not. Just enjoy it. You like her, you're attracted to her. What's the deal? People, you know, people don't always have great self-esteem. People get tend towards to be depressed or anxiety. Andrew's got his issues too. And that makes a ball game.

20:17 Adam I hate the racetrack.

20:19 Drew Do you?

20:20 Adam You know why? I don't like all those guys that hang around who proclaim or protest to be, or, I don't know what word I'm looking for, but experts.

20:30 Caller Oh yeah.

20:31 Adam All the handicapper guys, they all think they know something. No one knows anything. These guys are supposed to be experts. Whenever you do get a tip, it never works. I've been to the track 10 times. I used to know a guy who was a trainer, gave me a couple of tips. Never. They just, they, no one can figure anything out.

20:49 Drew That's next to the race.

20:52 Adam All right. Look, it's exciting when they're running around, but you just go there and get drunk and eat.

20:56 Drew It's pretty though, right?

20:57 Adam Yeah, it is. Michelle? Michelle?

21:04 Yeah.

21:04 Adam You're 22?

21:06 Caller Yes.

21:07 Adam Yeah.

21:08 Caller Where are you?

21:10 Caller I'm actually at work right now.

21:12 Drew What kind of work do you do?

21:14 Caller I work at Gravy's Lounge at the bar.

21:16 Drew Gravy's?

21:18 Caller Yeah.

21:19 Adam Gravy's.

21:20 Drew It's awesome.

21:21 Adam It's great. It's great when you come up with the title. It makes people not hungry.

21:25 Drew Makes you have some artery snapshot, though.

21:27 Adam Yeah. Drew thinks of a clogged artery. I just think of some brown sauce that's in an ashtray. Well, much of a cigar floating around in it or a cigarette. Gravy's?

21:39 Caller Yeah.

21:41 Adam I'll tell you, I dated a chick that worked at a place in Van Nuys called Thirsty's. I thought that was the worst goddamn name I've ever heard for a bar, but it may have been topped by gravy.

21:52 Caller Oh my God.

21:54 Caller She was high.

21:54 Drew Oh dude.

21:56 Caller Was it a club?

21:57 Caller Yeah.

21:58 Adam They danced.

21:58 Drew Oh geez.

21:59 Adam They danced, gentlemen. It was a classy place.

22:02 Caller Thirsty's. Hey Michelle.

22:05 Adam Okay. What do they sell over gravy's? What's on the menu?

22:12 Caller Beer and that's about it.

22:14 Adam Beer. Just beer. They have any food? No. Just a bar?

22:20 Caller Just a bar.

22:22 Adam Okay. Let me just say this about bars too. Okay. It's got to suck to work in one of those bars. It is just completely like in a strip mall. It's got no personality. You know, it's got like you work at a bar. You want to work at one of these ones in SoHo or one of these ones in Boston. It's been there for 108 years. It's got a pool table. It's all banged up. You know, it's got real neon, but it's busted up. It's got, you know what I mean? Got the tin ceiling.

22:48 Drew No, I know.

22:48 Adam You know, the bars, you know, the bars at like at the Burbank Airport where it has like the plastic Bud Light sign and the indoor outdoor carpet. And it's just like, I look at those.

22:57 Drew I think, how do they stay open? I mean, who goes there frequently?

23:00 Adam I drop 40 bucks every time I get on a Southwest flight airport, though.

23:04 Drew But I mean, the same bars exist just down the street there in Burbank Boulevard.

23:07 Adam That's the weird part. The ones that are just at a strip mall with like plexiglass, cheap beer signs and plastic cups.

23:16 Drew The neighbors and how many neighbors are going in there regularly enough to support a business? I don't know, but it's Moe's basically.

23:23 Adam Yeah, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, working at one of those bars, it's weird and sterile and built in the 80s and has no personality. Just weird, just bad corporate strip mall. Yeah.

23:37 Drew Well, now back to Gravy's.

23:38 Adam Oh, Gravy's. Yeah. That's an awesome place. Gravy's. Out in Missouri. Next time I'm out in Missouri way, I'm going to swing by Gravy's because of a cold one.

23:48 Drew It's next to the cemetery.

23:50 Adam Perfect. All right. So the question is, Michelle.

23:55 Caller Okay. The question is, I recently had sex with a girl for the first time, and we used a double-sided toy. Recently, one of my other friends had mentioned to me that the girl that I had sex with might have HIV or an STD or something of that sort. And my question was...

24:15 Drew Those are all different things. I mean, HIV is a specific STD.

24:18 Caller Well, all right.

24:20 Drew What's your question?

24:21 Caller My question is, is it possible to contract that from her since we were using a double-sided toy?

24:30 Adam Who's in charge of the double-sided toy? I'm just curious about lesbian etiquette. Who is, you know, the person on the right is the one closest to Mecca. You know, like, it's like pulling up at a four-way stop sign, you know, where four people all pull up. Yeah, who goes first? When a lesbian gets hold of a double-headed dung, who's in charge? Who's co-pilot and who's flying that bird?

24:56 Caller Actually, I think it was more of a mutual thing. Nobody was really in charge.

25:01 Adam And how do you work?

25:02 Drew You're in charge of your own end.

25:03 Adam How do you, how do you work? Push me, F me. How do you work that thing? You know, you're both sort of away from it. You know what I mean?

25:12 Drew Is it anchored anywhere?

25:15 Adam Anchored. Yeah, it's a port.

25:17 Caller You both kind of have to make the same motion at the same time.

25:21 Caller Oh, I see.

25:22 Adam I see.

25:23 Caller Piledriver.

25:24 Adam Yeah. OK. OK, I see. Is there a handle on it? Like, is it one of those like those cop pitons? There's an old Billy stick. There's no handle.

25:36 Drew All right, Michelle, the deal is, yes, you can get STDs from these latex products. The one you'd be most likely to contract would be the viral surface infections like herpes or warts.

25:49 Caller What?

25:49 Adam Well, did you flip the thing over at half time or did you just keep it?

25:52 Drew Or did you keep track of it?

25:54 Caller I would. That's why I was worried is because we did actually switch positions several different times and we didn't really keep track of who's end with who's.

26:02 Caller Who?

26:03 Adam Yeah, that's why I always color code mine. Like when me and Jimmy, when me and Jimmy used to do the man show, we had cue cards. My writing was in black, his was in blue. We did the same thing with our double end and donk.

26:15 Drew The blue or the black? Yeah. And the plugs.

26:17 Adam It was pink and purple, but we had our own colors.

26:19 Drew The plugs, yeah. Yeah, that's. They weren't really donks, were they?

26:23 Adam Well, yeah. Michelle?

26:26 Caller Yeah?

26:27 Adam What do you look like?

26:30 Caller I'm a normal, ordinary 22 year old girl.

26:34 Adam Little, little, little heavy set.

26:38 Caller I'm a little thick, curvy, you know?

26:41 Adam Because here's how the breakdown went for me. Calling from Missouri, cha-ching, I put on 20 pounds right there. I throw it right on the top. I hear Missouri, I toss on 20 pounds. Then I hear I'm working at a place called Gravy's. We're going to a place named after a liquid food.

26:58 Drew Liquid fat.

26:59 Adam Cha-ching. I put on another 25 for the Gravy's. And then I hear about the crazy double-ended sexual lesbian dong experiment. And I got her, yeah.

27:09 Caller Whoop, whoop.

27:10 Adam I got her up about 70 pounds. And the, I got about 190. About 190.

27:16 Caller Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not that big.

27:20 Adam What did the, 178, what did the other girl look like?

27:26 Drew The HIV-infected girl.

27:28 Caller Oh, don't say that. She's really, actually, she's really, really hot, but she's kind of a granola hippie. Like, she doesn't really shave her arms or legs or, you know, she had dreadlocks and.

27:42 Drew Eric DeSarro.

27:43 Caller Eric DeSarro, yes.

27:46 Adam Yeah, this, five minutes ago, this was totally jackable. Now it's done.

27:53 Caller Well, thank you.

27:54 Adam The honeymoon is over. It was 100% jackable just three minutes ago. And now, now I got to file it. I don't even know when I could use this. I mean, I'll see if I can use something.

28:06 Drew You put it in the iPod.

28:07 Adam Man, this is unusable, though. You know what I mean?

28:11 Drew Yeah, yeah.

28:12 Adam If it was a horse, I would shoot it.

28:14 Drew Okay, Michelle, here's the deal. HIV not likely to get it that way, but conceivable. Yeah. It's certainly not a means, a typical means. There's not a lot of body fluid being transmitted. But you are potentially, potentially getting exposed.

28:26 Adam Let me tell you about the real damage that's done here.

28:28 Drew More hepatitis B I worry about. I said herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea.

28:32 Caller I can never picture a hot chick doing a hot lesbian thing anymore.

28:37 Drew Say that again?

28:38 Adam I can never picture a hot chick doing a hot lesbian thing anymore with a double-sided donk. Because the reality of it is versus what the porn version of it is.

28:47 Drew This show has ruined it for you.

28:48 Adam Ruined it.

28:49 Drew Sorry.

28:50 Adam Ruined it.

28:51 Drew Reality has ruined your fantasy basically.

28:53 Adam Yeah.

28:53 Drew The porn fantasy.

28:54 Adam Yeah. Don't worry about me. I'll land on my back.

28:58 Drew Yeah.

28:59 Adam Or wherever. But you know what I'm saying.

29:01 Drew Yeah. All right. Here we go.

29:03 Adam Let's take a break.

29:04 Drew Let's do.

29:04 Adam We'll be back after this. Want to dress up your sex life? Visit Durex.com. There's sex, and then there's Durex. Yeah, everybody, it's Loveline. It's what I'm talking about. Phone number 1-800-LLVE-191-er. Christian parents just found out he's gay.

29:50 Drew Nice.

29:52 Adam Books to help them deal. Has extremely foul-smelling farts.

29:59 Drew He's your best friend.

30:00 Caller Wow.

30:01 Adam Cornucopia of strong questions. I'm going to go with Danny. Let's talk about farting for a second, Drew.

30:09 Drew In the context of Danny's question.

30:10 Adam Hold on. Let me just say this. Some guys smell consistently bad. Other guys just sort of blow air. Yeah. My buddy Ray. My buddy Ray just blows air out of his ass all day, and it's like a whoopee cushion, but it almost never ever smells.

30:29 Drew You too. You walked out of the studio last time.

30:32 Adam I blew something heavy, yeah. But it rarely smells. Whereas Jimmy and Jimmy's cousin Sal almost always smells.

30:41 Drew Who is the big gentleman you were with in Vegas that one time that just destroyed him?

30:45 Adam Oh, Big Tad's brother?

30:47 Drew Big Tad's brother, yeah.

30:49 Adam I swear to Christ, I will vomit if you start talking about that. My point is people are different, and everyone wants to get into that crap where it's like, oh, you ate Mexican, or you ate legumes, or you're not eating the right thing, or be ass. I eat everything, all different stuff, all different times of the day, and so does Jimmy, and so does everyone else. Some guys' asses smell, other guys don't. It's got to be the enzymes or the flora and the fauna that's in that.

31:17 Drew It is. Certain people grow a certain flora and fauna, just the way you have a certain funk, a certain breath, a certain everything.

31:23 Adam I'm trying to tell people that your BO does not have much to do with hygiene, and your AS doesn't have much to do with diet.

31:31 Drew Well, I would disagree with you. I agree with you in principle. However, it matters of degree is determined by diet.

31:39 Adam Well, if you have a food that disagrees with you, you could eat that food, and you could end my career tonight.

31:47 Drew You would vomit.

31:48 Adam I know. Then I would asphyxiate on the vomit, and I would actually die.

31:53 Drew Even at the end of your career, at the very end of your life.

31:56 Adam That's what I mean. Even your emergency medicine skills could not bring me back to life, nor would you try, half-heartedly perhaps. The point is, if you ate the wrong thing, something smelly would come out of your ass. There's nothing I could eat that would do that to me.

32:10 Drew You have a little something that was a positive.

32:13 Adam Once in a while I can get going, but there's no rhyme and there's no reason. That's the next question. Where do things change? How come once a year I got good gas and that's about it, and I eat everything all day, every day, all different, all the time?

32:26 Drew Well, it's the methane, the bacteria producing, cracking the methane, so to speak, and producing the methane gas, and to some extent it's what you swallow, creating the volume of air.

32:36 Adam I know, but why do I have a banner day once a year?

32:41 Drew And there could be a sort of an irritable bowel syndrome, too. Things are churning long.

32:45 Adam Yeah.

32:46 Drew Yeah, and then you add in the right substrate.

32:49 Adam I eat the same thing every day.

32:50 Drew Yeah, but you eat some dried fruit or something and bring it on.

32:53 Caller Corolla.

32:55 Adam No rhyme, no reason is what I'm saying to me.

32:57 Drew I bet if you really eat, but at the end sometimes it's just, Drew, what are you doing?

33:00 Adam I've had a few banner days.

33:01 Caller This is like telling the terrorist how to attack us. Why would you tell him?

33:04 Drew No, he knows. He knows the formula.

33:06 Adam I've had a few banner days in the studio, Drew, but it never ain't anything special.

33:12 Drew You've not had a really serious day since we left the Westwood One studio.

33:16 Adam I know.

33:17 Drew There were some days you really were really, I mean it was troubling.

33:20 Adam Those were my beefing salad days.

33:23 Drew What's this?

33:24 Adam Those were my salad days of beefing.

33:26 Drew I see.

33:27 Adam That's where I did my prime beefing over there. I haven't put together a decent, I mean I've been in like a three year slump.

33:33 Drew Yeah.

33:33 Adam Don't think I don't feel it.

33:34 Drew Oh, I'm sorry. Oh man, that was, and then with the linen walls that would just absorb that.

33:40 Adam All I'm saying is, I don't get anything going. My friend Ray, I've never smelled anything. Now, I've heard, he's let miles of cubic gas out of his ass, but none of it ever smells. Jimmy?

33:54 Drew Watch out.

33:55 Adam Oh, Danny?

33:58 Caller Yeah.

33:59 Adam You got bad gas?

34:02 Caller Uncontrollably.

34:04 Adam Does everything that comes out of you is that bad?

34:07 Caller No, actually it's like a 70-30.

34:09 Adam But you never know.

34:11 Caller Yeah, well, okay, eggs, automatically, no matter what, five hours later, it's over.

34:17 Drew Okay, there you go. So there's something.

34:19 Caller I've got that one down. I mean, after the years, you start figuring out, hey, this doesn't work with you, this does, whatever.

34:25 Drew Right, it's sort of a, I'm not sure, it's not as though the medical literature is replete in what exactly this is. Some people sort of put it more into the category of irritable bowel syndrome. I've read other articles that talk about the methane production, but don't give any sort of scientifically rigorous descriptions of this.

34:40 Adam Certain people definitely have an issue with it and others just don't. And women don't as much as men.

34:49 Caller No, no, no. My girl, if she drinks milk or she's lactose, if she drinks milk, Is she African American? Yeah, she's going to blow me out of the covers.

34:59 Drew Yeah, African Americans. She's black? Yeah.

35:02 Caller No, no.

35:03 Drew She's Asian.

35:03 Caller She's Asian.

35:05 Drew Asian?

35:06 Caller Wow.

35:07 Adam Asian chick blowing ass.

35:09 Caller Yeah, that doesn't sound normal. It doesn't happen often. It doesn't happen. I mean, literally for her, it's like...

35:15 Adam What do the black chicks have, Drew?

35:17 Drew Lactose intolerance. Very common.

35:18 Adam Oh, really?

35:19 Drew Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And they'll get, they put a dairy in there and they'll get the big, big production. Yes.

35:27 Adam It seems like those folks eat a fair amount of cheese.

35:29 Drew Some, but some don't.

35:32 Adam Really? Mm-hmm. It seems like the sisters eat a fair amount of dairy product.

35:37 Drew Sometimes. Not milk. That's why, remember that, remember that...

35:41 Adam I don't see them putting away the tofu.

35:43 Drew Well, that milk has something for everybody, commercial stuff. That had to be abandoned because of that.

35:47 Adam I want to say, gas.

35:50 Drew What's that? Why is it talking about a produced gas?

35:53 Adam Well, I could probably fart anytime. Let me tell you some of those milk ads that bother me. I don't like it when they have the guy with the milk mustache.

36:01 Caller Yeah.

36:02 Adam And I'll tell you the scariest looking one. Patrick Ewing and Donovan McNabb, because they actually have black mustaches and their dark skin and the weird thing hanging off of them. You almost look at it, it's like, ugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

36:13 Caller What the?

36:14 Adam What the?

36:16 Drew With you on that?

36:16 Caller Yeah, yeah, yeah.

36:18 Adam Couldn't see any boobs. Got to see, uh, got to see Patrick Ewing with a bunch of milk dripping off his face. And we have porn film.

36:27 Caller That's awesome.

36:27 Adam In the mustache. That's a nice look.

36:29 Caller Okay. Okay.

36:31 Adam Where are we?

36:31 Drew Danny.

36:32 Adam All right. So what can he do? Eat some Vino?

36:34 Drew Yeah, Danny, it's basically a bulk and figure out what sets you off.

36:39 Caller Well, the question is, is my girlfriend's telling me that they have an over-the-counter kind of, I don't know, like douche or whatever. She's telling me to clean myself.

36:50 Drew No, that won't do a damn thing. You can go ahead and try that.

36:52 Adam I think it's bogus. But I'll tell you, you know, when David Allen Grier was in here the other night, he was talking about some of the sisters that I think could handle the dairy products.

37:05 Drew Well, ethanol, ethanol, estradiol, even gestural.

37:07 Adam I think they-

37:08 Drew And their mom.

37:09 Adam Oh, their mom. Their mom definitely could, yeah.

37:15 Drew Yeah.

37:15 Caller Yeah.

37:21 Drew Are we, is Anderson out smoking a butt now, or he's just getting past so aggressive on us?

37:27 Caller It's always hard to tell.

37:29 Caller Oh, okay. Okay.

37:30 Drew He's looking for it.

37:31 Caller Well, it's such a bad recording, I put it back in last night, but I can't find either one now.

37:36 Adam Such a bad recording?

37:37 Caller Yeah, having the crackling popping?

37:40 Drew Sounded good to us.

37:41 Adam Yeah, it always sounded good, although I was laughing so hard. I could never figure it out.

37:46 Caller All right, here we go.

37:48 Drew 100 micrograms of ethanol estradiol, which is-

37:51 Caller Ethanol, estradiol.

37:53 Drew It's the progesterone, it's the levonogestrel.

37:57 Caller And where is levonogestrel?

37:59 Drew Or the north indron.

38:01 Caller North indron. Put that whiffle ball back down. Come in the house. Get your behind. I'm sick of these kids.

38:15 Adam Of course it is. All right, we got to your break, but Josh.

38:19 Caller Hey, yeah, my parents saw my MySpace a few months ago, and they saw in my profile that I'm gay.

38:25 Adam They found your what?

38:26 Drew MySpace, your kid's thing.

38:29 Adam MySpace.

38:30 Caller And my dad took me out to dinner tonight, and he like confronted me about it like a parent.

38:35 Caller Liar, liar whore, liar whore, you know it.

38:38 Drew I don't know about that.

38:38 Caller I didn't know that they knew about it.

38:40 Drew All right.

38:41 Adam Now wait a minute, they go in your computer and find your profile?

38:44 Caller Yeah, they just put me up on the website.

38:46 Adam And what did your profile say?

38:49 Caller It just says like under orientation, it says gay. So.

38:52 Drew What do you mean your dad confronted you? What did he say to you?

38:55 Caller He's like, well, we know, and he like told me about how they saw it and stuff. And he said that they've like been worrying for months that I'm out getting AIDS and all this stuff. And they're like Christian people, so they like freak out about that kind of stuff.

39:09 Drew And it sounds like they're pretty reasonable about things, though. I mean, their parents are scared. What? They don't know. There's something familiar to them.

39:16 Caller Yeah, they think that like gay people can change. And they're like, they were offering me, my dad was like offering me like if I wanted to change or whatever, like he's reading some crazy book by like some Christian straight guy.

39:30 Adam And I just came up with a great scam. You know, if I were him, if I were one of your sons, I'd be like, yeah, dad, I'm pretty sure I'm gay. I'm kind of on the fence, but I'm gay. I'll tell you one thing that would help me not be gay. You give me that Corvette. You know what I mean? I need a shotgun, a crossbow, a Corvette, and I'm going to need some, need some drink coupons over to Thirsty's over there, Van Nuys.

40:02 Drew Gravy's.

40:02 Adam And then Gravy's. Yeah, he could probably, he could probably take his parents, like his dad, if he was a good Christian, would probably pay him 60 bucks a week not to be gay.

40:14 Drew But Josh, it's not just their Christian orientation so much as many parents have a fantasy, a wish that they could change things. They're scared. They don't know. He'll come around. Give him a little time.

40:24 Caller They think that gay people are living under a mistake in identity, that's what their book says.

40:30 Drew Well, let them believe what they want.

40:31 Adam Are you angry at your parents?

40:34 Caller I'm angry that they found my MySpace and that they read all my stuff on there. But yeah, I am angry that they haven't told me for months that they've known.

40:42 Adam What is your... Why do you keep this MySpacing? This seems like a diary.

40:46 Drew Yeah, it's a lot of kids.

40:47 Adam That doesn't seem like a thing guys should be doing.

40:49 Drew It's sort of a link, you know, a way to link up with people and stuff.

40:53 Adam Yeah, but basically it's a to-do list and it can be held against you in court.

40:58 Drew But Josh, why are you harboring resentment to them having not told you for a couple of months? Wouldn't you have rather dial the clock back to before your dad sat down with you and had that conversation, whether they knew it or not?

41:09 Caller Yeah, that's true.

41:11 Drew So come on, it's just BS, cut it out. You're angry, you're resentful to your parents, give it up. Yes, they're not enlightened, they don't understand, they're scared, that's not their fault. You'll educate them. Do you have any books that can help them, you know, like understand and not think they need to get involved with the no, they need to get involved with the gay parenting organizations and get some support. That's why you need to go to gay parent.

41:35 Adam I'm going to find out my kid's gay and my wife's going to be, we need to go to gay parenting. And I'd be like, Oh, for the love of Christ.

41:43 Drew That's going to be your final. Yes, that's going to be your final justice.

41:47 Adam Son, here's my Miata. Just drive it to Fire Island. Let's just forget we ever spoke.

41:53 Drew It's going to be awesome.

41:55 Adam I'll tell you, if I ever got to go to like, if I have to start going to gay support groups and gay parenting classes.

42:01 Drew But if his parents don't, they're clueless, they need some education, some support, and that's fine. They can get there.

42:07 Adam Look, have you even talked to your, since you were 18, when's the last time you talked to your parents?

42:11 Drew No, I know. He shouldn't. But listen, his parents were nice. They sat him down and didn't become abusive. People can be really obnoxious.

42:19 Adam Well, he's angry at them too.

42:20 Drew Oh yeah. But what seven-year-old isn't though? I mean, let's give him a break.

42:24 Adam All right, so listen, you're gonna be off, you're gonna be off at the design center for a few short months. Go to college, relax.

42:31 Drew Go to college, get out of there. Don't take care of them.

42:35 Adam They'll be fine.

42:36 Drew Send them in some direction so they can take care of themselves.

42:38 Adam Your dad didn't kick open your door in a drunken rage and start beating you when you're asleep. He went out to Gravy's with you and wanted to have a discussion, you know?

42:45 Drew Right, right.

42:46 Adam All right, let's take a break. We'll...

42:49 Drew Good times.

42:50 Adam I'll tell you, I give my parents a lot of crap. I really do, but one thing I really have to thank them for, and mom, dad, if you're listening, thank you for never having a discussion with me or anyone else in the family.

43:02 Drew About anything?

43:03 Adam Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying.

43:04 Drew So therefore, you never had to talk about sex, orientation, girls, nothing?

43:10 Adam No, no, but here's what I want to say. It's a double edged sword. Yes, we could have talked about going to college. Yes, we could have talked about a career, but we also could have had a weird talk about sexual proclivity and stuff. I missed the bad stuff, too.

43:24 Drew There's pros and there's cons to everything, Adam. You see how that works? Right. Yeah, let's take a break.

43:28 Adam Not Talking Family does have its upsides. All right, we'll take a quick break. Be right back after this.

43:35 Caller Loveline, Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

43:37 Caller The phone number is 1-800-LOVE-191.

43:39 Caller We'll be right back.

43:56 Adam Yeah, it's a loveline, Amanda, that's Dr. Drew.

44:01 Drew Hell yeah.

44:02 Adam Hell yeah.

44:03 Caller Hiccup brrr. Hiccup brrr.

44:05 Caller Hiccup brrr.

44:07 Drew No one knows what the hell that was.

44:08 Adam Get it on, baby.

44:09 Drew Let's look at line two. Line two will be quicker.

44:11 Adam Line two? Yeah. Anna?

44:13 Caller Yeah.

44:14 Adam 24?

44:15 Caller Yeah.

44:16 Adam Yeah.

44:17 Caller Yeah.

44:18 Caller So I've been lactating for probably like maybe a little over two months.

44:26 Drew Good times. Have you ever been pregnant?

44:27 Caller No.

44:29 Drew Is there any chance you're pregnant now?

44:30 Caller No.

44:31 Drew Are you on any medication?

44:33 Caller I am not, no.

44:34 Drew No medicine, no birth control, no nothing?

44:36 Caller Well, actually, I just stopped taking OrthoEvra.

44:40 Drew Okay. Any history of thyroid problems or anything like that?

44:45 Caller I spoke with my doctor and they did some thyroid tests.

44:48 Drew Good.

44:48 Caller But they all came back normal.

44:50 Drew Did they check a prolactin level also?

44:52 Caller Oh, that could be another prolactin.

44:53 Drew I got it there.

44:54 Caller I'm not sure.

44:55 I'm not sure.

44:56 Caller All right.

44:57 Drew So here's the most common things to cause that. One is pregnancy, number one. Number two is medication. Number three is thyroid and other hormonal conditions like prolactin secreting tumors from the pituitary gland. Number four is actually stimulation of the breast. You can actually stimulate the nipple in such a way that they will start to produce milk. But the important thing, it's both breasts really quickly. Ask her. Let me ask that. Both breasts, Anna?

45:21 Caller Yeah, which led her.

45:23 Drew Okay. And if we're one side, you obviously want to rule out tumors and that sort of thing. But it's something that needs further evaluation.

45:28 Adam Both sides, not tumors.

45:30 Drew Both sides, not tumors of the breast, typically.

45:33 Adam Amanda? 21. You have feelings for a guy you met online on the Internet?

45:39 Caller Yeah.

45:41 Adam Amanda?

45:42 Caller Yeah.

45:42 Adam Falling in love with the guy you met online?

45:45 Caller Yeah.

45:46 Drew How old are you really?

45:48 Caller 21.

45:49 Drew No way.

45:50 Adam What year were you born?

45:51 Caller 83.

45:53 Adam Have you ever?

45:54 Caller A little behind.

45:56 Adam Have you ever met this guy in person?

45:59 Caller No. We've talked on the phone one time.

46:02 Drew Where does he live?

46:04 Where does he live?

46:06 Drew Where does he live?

46:07 Caller He lives in California.

46:09 Drew Are you a Mormon?

46:11 Caller No, I'm not.

46:14 Adam Hold on a second, Amanda. We've got to take a break. All right.

46:19 Drew I thought for a second that she was going to break my streak and not answer the taped recording of me asking her a Mormon.

46:26 Adam It's awesome. All right. Let's take it, Drew. Stop making noise, please. Let's take a quick break and we'll come back and we'll get to Amanda and her online dating after this. Yeah, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. True. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191er.

47:26 Drew Yeah.

47:27 Adam Yeah.

47:28 Drew Break it down.

47:29 Adam Break it down. Get it handed. I'll tell you what, gentlemen, those helmets, they're not chairs. They're not gravidina. Break it down. And when I say gentlemen, I use that term loosely.

47:40 Caller Yeah.

47:41 Drew There you go.

47:42 Adam I watched Friday Night Lights the other night. Good movie. Good high school action. Good football action movie.

47:51 Drew I like the movie. I like it. Yeah.

47:53 Adam Yeah. Pete Berg, friend of mine, directed it. Dear, dear friend. Here's the thing though, about noticing just about every single football movie and especially those high school movies. Whenever they go to, whenever they go to halftime, the team that's getting beat, they always have to, it was pan across the team that's looking pretty down. Yeah. Because they're getting, they got their ass handed to them in the first half.

48:14 Drew Right.

48:14 Adam And they always pan across them and they can never resist this. Kids always got like that scratch, like a lot of blood, there's always some blood dripping from the face, blood on the top, blood on the front of the jersey. And the thing about football is, you get your vertebra cracked.

48:29 Drew But you don't bleed.

48:30 Adam You never, you never.

48:32 Drew Well, your hands can bleed a little bit.

48:33 Adam Once in a while, your knuckles can get a little skinned up.

48:36 Drew You get some stuff on his hands.

48:37 Adam No, these people have the thing in the face.

48:39 Caller Yeah, it's always a scratch in the face, a little trickle of blood coming from the cheek, they can't help it.

48:44 Adam It's one of those movie things. Always that cut above the eye, just a little above the eye, a little trickle of band-aid up there or something.

48:51 Drew Never.

48:51 Adam Never.

48:51 Drew Not in high school. High school, you get on your pants. Yeah, yeah. Your pants get the blood.

48:57 Adam Never.

48:57 Drew It's because of the pain.

48:57 Adam I played 10 years. I played one year in college. I never saw any, no one ever. Once in a while, somebody get poked in the eye.

49:05 Drew Right, you get a finger in the eye strangely.

49:07 Adam You get a finger in the eye and in the ass. But you don't pan across and see everyone with cuts on their face. Never. They have compound fractures.

49:17 Drew Funny you say that. I was thinking of myself too. If something got through that could cut, strangely it goes right to the eye.

49:22 Adam Yeah.

49:22 Drew I don't know why.

49:24 Adam Amanda?

49:25 Drew Yeah.

49:25 Adam 21?

49:26 Drew So she's not a Mormon. She met a guy in the Internet who lives a thousand miles away. That's why she was sort of, you notice when I asked her where this new found friend is, she went, where is he?

49:36 Caller Yeah. Where?

49:37 Adam Who?

49:37 Drew Me?

49:37 Adam Where am I?

49:38 Drew Where is he?

49:38 Adam Where is he?

49:39 Drew Where is he now? Ask the question because you know you live, he lives in California. This is not going to work. Come on, man. What are you doing?

49:44 Adam What's going on with you?

49:45 Drew Why can't you meet somebody where you live?

49:47 Caller Well, that's the thing I do. I'm actually, I'm married and my husband is overseas.

49:52 Adam Oh, now we're talking. Now we're talking.

49:56 Drew What's your plan here?

49:57 Caller Well, I plan, I want to be with my husband. I plan, I don't know. I guess I've been kind of not being very good because I've been leaving the guy on the Internet on.

50:06 Drew And I, I, I, You're, you're lonely. This is arousing and it sort of gets you out of your loneliness and away from the misery that you're in right now, being away from your husband. But listen, the guy's overseas. Give him a little bit of a break here. Will you? You're married. You have kids?

50:21 Caller No.

50:22 Drew Oh my God.

50:22 Adam Good. What's he doing? He's in the military?

50:25 Caller Yeah.

50:26 Adam What branch?

50:28 Caller Air Force.

50:30 Adam What's he do?

50:31 Caller He works on the laser guiding bombing systems. The like infrared video or whatever.

50:38 Adam Sweet. And do you have a problem with him other than he's not present?

50:43 Caller No.

50:44 Drew Did your father abandon you when you were growing up? So this is particularly enraging and rageful for you? Enraging?

50:50 Caller No. Well, I think the whole thing is I've always been attracted to black guys. Same here. This guy happens to be black and so I think that's kind of why it caught me, you know?

51:03 Drew Amanda.

51:03 Adam Hold on. Far be for me to perpetuate any stereotype, negative or positive of the black man, but none of them know how to work a computer. Let's be honest, Drew. No black guy cruises the Internet on a computer. Black man goes into a bar once they get laid. Black man is practical.

51:18 Drew He doesn't bother with a computer.

51:19 Adam Yeah, he doesn't chat with chicks a thousand miles away. He needs something tonight. He's saying he's black.

51:24 Caller No, I know he is.

51:26 Drew No, first of all, that's BS, Amanda.

51:29 Adam You're saying he's not black?

51:30 Drew No, what you're saying is, what you're saying, no, no, what's BS is you're saying, well, I couldn't help myself. I was just attracted to that kind of person. That's BS.

51:37 Adam You know what BS stands for for me? Brown sugar.

51:40 Drew I know it does.

51:41 Adam You know what I'm saying?

51:42 Drew I know what I'm saying.

51:43 Caller I know he's black because we've said...

51:45 Drew No, Amanda, stop it. Stop it. I don't care what he is. It has nothing to do with anything.

51:49 Adam I say he may have some black in him, but he's not all black.

51:54 Drew Makes me sick. All right. So here's the deal. This has nothing to do with what he is or what you were attracted to. It has everything to do with how you feel about your husband leaving you behind, your inability to remain committed in a relationship, and how apparently enraged you are at your husband for leaving.

52:10 Adam What's that have to do with him being black? Talking to you, Drew.

52:15 Drew Nothing.

52:16 Adam That's what I'm saying. Amanda? Yeah. What's this guy do for a living?

52:24 Caller He said he owns a business, a vending machine business or whatever.

52:30 Adam I would believe that. You don't lie about having a vending machine business, do you?

52:35 Caller No.

52:36 Adam I don't think so. And what's your plan? Are you guys going to hook up? Have you seen a picture of him?

52:41 Caller We've sent many pictures.

52:44 Adam And are you attracted to him?

52:46 Caller Yeah.

52:47 Adam And, Drew, stop making that noise. And you're attracted to him because you like black guys?

52:53 Caller And he's, I don't know, we've just kind of clicked.

52:56 Adam Is your dad a racist?

52:59 Caller No.

52:59 Adam Would your dad have a problem with you marrying a black man?

53:05 Caller No, he would have a problem with me leaving my husband.

53:09 Adam All right. Well, that's a good man. And no one else? You're just attracted to black guys because that's your personal preference. It's not one of those F you to daddy things.

53:17 Caller Right.

53:18 Adam Okay.

53:19 Drew What's the, why is it, why are you so intent upon saying F you to your husband is my question.

53:28 Caller Why, why am I afraid to say F you to my husband?

53:32 Drew Why are you so intent upon screwing over your husband?

53:40 Caller I love him.

53:41 Drew That's why you want to F him over?

53:43 Caller Oh, no. I don't want to because I love him. That's why I'm calling is because I want to, my whole question is that I want to know if you guys have any idea of how I can let the guy on the internet down without hurting him because I do care about him.

54:00 Adam Oh, look.

54:00 Drew Look, tell him you're married. Just shut, shut.

54:03 Adam There's nothing to do. This is BS.

54:04 Drew You owe him nothing. Well, you expect to carry on the relationship and one day he does find out. Eventually, he's going to find out the truth. So let's go ahead and be honest with him. Yes. I love him so much, I lie to him.

54:22 Adam Plus, what's he going to do? Come out there and visit you and be the only black guy in Utah? No. OK. It's never going to work. Amanda, you want to keep this going. You want the drama. Here's the deal. What you could do is not return his next three e-mails, and he'll go to the next chick immediately. But you want to dance, you want some drama, you want to talk, you want to hear him plead, you want him to beg you to meet you somewhere.

54:52 Drew Just block it. Just block everything.

54:54 Adam That's right.

54:54 Drew Block all the contact.

54:56 Adam Yeah. Just block it. If in... Look, here's the thing, everybody. When you really don't want to go to the dentist, you just don't go to the dentist. In 10 years goes by, you don't go to the dentist.

55:09 Drew You are married for Christ's sake.

55:11 Adam I am?

55:11 Drew You are too. But Amanda is.

55:14 Caller Yeah.

55:17 Adam Yeah, yeah. No, doesn't mean anything. Amanda.

55:21 Drew Yeah?

55:22 Adam No contact with this guy. You're a married woman, you understand? Your man is protecting this country. He's in foreign nations trying to protect this country. This is the way you repay him? How dare you? You call yourself an American?

55:35 Drew You don't owe this guy anything.

55:36 Caller Hey, I feel bad enough.

55:38 Drew What?

55:39 Caller I feel bad enough.

55:41 Adam All right. Well, then no more contact with this guy.

55:43 Drew Yeah, just stop it. He'll be fine. He'll be as other women he'll talk to. Don't worry.

55:47 Adam Here's the thing about everything. Somewhere into wherever. Here's what I would say. Wherever there's a train wreck, meaning a relationship that comes undone, trouble with the law, bullets exchanged, whatever it is, there's some point. There's some point in that process that's much further down the road where you have a sort of choice where you can stop. Once you step onto the ride, it doesn't stop.

56:21 Drew No, that's right.

56:22 Adam And it won't let you off.

56:23 Drew Remember we had a call last week where the woman was saying, I was naked with my boyfriend and we were having oral sex together and then he raped me. Wait a minute. Whoa. Yeah, he did the wrong thing, but oh my God.

56:35 Adam Yeah. Here's the thing, Amanda, but you keep talking to this guy and eventually you're just going to get together just to just to just to finalize it, just to say goodbye, just to do the right thing, just to do the right thing. And he's going to bang you in the bathroom at the Cinnabon at the airport.

56:50 Drew There you go. That'll make you feel much better.

56:53 Adam Be awesome. The smelling that cinnamon while you're banging.

56:55 Drew I said cinnamon's a highly rousing smell.

56:57 Adam It is, isn't it?

56:58 Caller Yeah.

56:58 Drew Especially for men, it turns out.

57:00 Adam Yeah.

57:01 Caller Frank?

57:04 Adam It says Frank's 23, but he sounds younger.

57:10 Caller Hello?

57:11 Adam Frank?

57:12 Caller Yeah?

57:15 Adam Is this Frank?

57:16 Caller Yes, it is from Ohio. Sorry.

57:18 Adam What's happening, Frank?

57:18 Caller My friend is interrupting me.

57:21 Adam Do you have a young child or a really stupid 15-year-old?

57:24 Caller Young child.

57:25 Adam Okay. How old is your baby?

57:29 Caller He was four months.

57:31 Adam All right. What's your question?

57:33 Caller I am 23. I've been married twice, and I have post-traumatic stress disorder. My question is, I go through bouts of near-nymphomania, or nymphomaniac.

57:49 Drew What does that mean?

57:52 Caller Wanting to have sex more than six times a day.

57:55 Drew With the same person?

57:56 Caller Yes. My wife.

57:58 Drew Which wife?

57:59 Adam Refreshing.

58:00 Drew Two wives by 23. How do you even do that? How do you get the energy for that?

58:03 Adam Listen, he wore out the first one, like a guy who's a... A guy is like a traveling salesman, wears out a set of car tires in a year, you know?

58:15 Drew Just managing him like the old woman living in the shoe with kids all over the place. This guy's been...

58:21 Adam It's like those guys who brag about how many miles they put on. 72,000 miles they put on that tourist last year. Go ahead, Frank.

58:30 Caller Basically, I go through that and then for months, I don't want to have sex at all.

58:34 Adam Wow.

58:35 Drew So you're one of those, what they call bipolar sexual compulsive, where you go through periods of hypersexuality and sexual shutdown that typically is preceded by a history of sexual abuse in childhood.

58:48 Caller Not so much in my case.

58:49 Drew Not so much.

58:50 Adam A little bit, maybe.

58:54 Drew Huh?

58:55 Caller Possibly.

58:56 Drew What happened?

58:58 Caller Step-sibling.

58:59 Drew What did he do to you? Or she?

59:01 Caller She.

59:02 Caller What did she do to you?

59:04 Caller Just from about the time I was five, she assaulted me.

59:12 Drew Well, but now, Frank, you sound bogus, because two seconds ago you said, no, not me. And then you do go ahead and describe him.

59:18 Caller It's kind of hard to admit, because I've never really told anyone about it.

59:24 Drew All right. Well, but that's what causes this. So to any mental health professional you were to see would immediately go to this. That's just what causes a common syndrome. You listen to this show for five minutes, you hear people calling constantly with it. And it's something that needs to be treated.

59:39 Adam All right. You have a youngin. You need to take care of yourself.

59:43 Drew Yeah, it's a 12-step approach tends to work very well for this sort of thing. If you also have a family history of alcoholism, boy, it really can get rolling then. But there's Essay, Sexaholics Anonymous, and go in there and get a sponsor. There are people, many people with your story. And you can sort of unload some of that guilt and shame and get a sponsor and start working the steps.

1:00:03 Adam Let me give a plug. Jimmy Kimmel.

1:00:06 Drew Yeah.

1:00:07 Adam Jimmy Kimmel was on Too Late, my show tonight.

1:00:10 Drew Yeah.

1:00:11 Adam 11.30 Comedy Central. Excellent. Oh, good. Yeah.

1:00:15 Drew Nice.

1:00:16 Adam So nice to have a guy out there who, you know. He's got a little history with, knows what he's doing, knows what it's like to be on the other side of the desk, even though I don't actually have a desk. But you know what I'm saying?

1:00:25 Drew Yeah.

1:00:26 Adam A little give and take.

1:00:27 Drew He can feed you, yeah.

1:00:28 Adam A little yes and and sprinkling of not only that, but solid. Solid as sears that Jimmy Kimmel tonight. I'm too late, Comedy Central. Yeah.

1:00:38 Drew And I have to also remind people that everyone over 18 who gets on the show tonight will get two tickets to see Cry Wolf. This is a movie about a group of goofy students who decide to create an online character that comes to life. Kills everybody. Just for laughs. What do you say? It's Nightmare on Elm Street meets Weird Science. Genius.

1:00:57 Adam Meets Barry Lyndon.

1:00:58 Drew I hope not. Everyone who gets tickets will also qualify to win a trip to see Block Party, who did the soundtrack. Anywhere in Europe.

1:01:06 Adam Anywhere.

1:01:07 Drew Anywhere they are in Europe. They've got a gigantic tour coming up. So this Friday, You Lie, You Die, cried Wolf in theaters every morning.

1:01:12 Adam You do. You Lie, You Die. What does that mean?

1:01:16 Drew I don't have to say.

1:01:17 Adam The kids lied, I think, and they died.

1:01:19 Drew I know, but look, it says lie here. We're looking at these soundtracks. It says believe and lie.

1:01:24 Adam Here's what I've learned from movies, is kids don't monkey.

1:01:28 Drew Yeah, don't monkey with technology.

1:01:29 Caller Yeah.

1:01:30 Drew It will come to life.

1:01:31 Adam It will come back.

1:01:32 Caller Yes.

1:01:32 Adam It will come to life and burn your ass. Let's talk to Brendan. Brendan? Yo. 21?

1:01:43 Caller Yep.

1:01:44 Adam You sound like a delight.

1:01:45 Caller What's up?

1:01:48 Caller So I have this weird thing that is kind of always been going on.

1:01:51 Caller I started having sex when I was 16. And since then I've had sex with six girls and have gone farther with a few others. And I've only ever had one girl ever to get me to achieve orgasm. And while honestly I can tolerate that, it doesn't bug me too much.

1:02:16 Caller You're gay.

1:02:18 Drew Maybe.

1:02:19 Caller I've had a lot of girls get real upset after it, real upset about it after a while.

1:02:24 Drew Right. They feel responsible for it as though it's something they were doing or not doing or want to try. All right.

1:02:29 Adam Well, let me ask a couple of questions. I always ask the same ones. You masturbate a lot?

1:02:36 Caller Fairly regularly. But I've taken a break to see if that would affect it.

1:02:40 Drew And how long was the break?

1:02:42 Caller About a week.

1:02:43 Caller Oh, that's sure.

1:02:46 Adam Put that together. I've done a week collectively.

1:02:50 Drew In your life.

1:02:51 Adam Five minutes here, ten minutes there.

1:02:52 Drew Yeah, that's simultaneously.

1:02:53 Adam Yeah, over the course of the last 25 years, I'm sure it's added up to however many hours are in a week. Right. Three minutes here, 30 seconds there, it adds up. Well, I'm not beating off right now. It's, you know, now I am, now I am.

1:03:08 Drew Yeah, that's what I'm saying, is a break in four minutes.

1:03:10 Adam Now I am. But the point is, is a week. Wow.

1:03:15 Drew All right.

1:03:16 Adam And so when you do masturbate, what position are you in?

1:03:20 Caller I'm usually sitting at the computer because internet porn is free.

1:03:25 Drew I get the distinct feeling of this is somebody doesn't like girls. Not that he's gay.

1:03:29 Adam Oh, he just says doesn't weird issues.

1:03:31 Caller Yeah.

1:03:31 Adam Dirty.

1:03:32 Caller Yeah.

1:03:34 Adam Issues with mom perhaps.

1:03:35 Drew The girl that did get you to have an orgasm, what did she do?

1:03:39 Caller What I say? What I say? What I said? I got feelings for you. Can I prolapse your anus?

1:03:45 Drew What did she do for you?

1:03:47 Caller Well, to be fair, that was a pretty terrible relationship. Well, the one that was able to get me off.

1:03:55 Drew Yes.

1:03:56 Caller Oh, that was actually one of my better relationships. She was a great girl. Kind of crazy.

1:04:04 Caller But, you know, I mean, he's fishing around too much. Yeah.

1:04:08 Adam He's just, he's just chasing a fart in the wind.

1:04:12 Drew Right.

1:04:13 Adam It seems bogus and he didn't have enough boguosity in his banana clip and he fired his first few bogus rounds and now he's out of ammo.

1:04:22 Drew Right.

1:04:23 Adam He's searching. He's flailing.

1:04:26 Drew Let's give him a break. Let's go see. Go back.

1:04:30 Adam Brandon, you're gonna have to do a little better in what you've been doing. What did the woman who gave you the orgasm do for you?

1:04:36 Caller It was pretty much just straight sex missionary. She was on top sometimes and it worked out. But even that was like it took generally a good half hour to 45 minutes minimum.

1:04:48 Drew But what was it that she did for you that was different from the rest?

1:04:51 Adam Straight sex.

1:04:52 Caller That's what he said.

1:04:54 Caller I don't know.

1:04:57 Adam Let me tell you this, Brendan. If you're used to having orgasms via sitting down in front of the computer, that's going to be a strange position to have sex in.

1:05:08 Drew Yeah. Can you tell me anything about this girl that was different?

1:05:20 Caller I was pretty stupid in love for the girl, but I've had that with other girls too.

1:05:27 Adam How about oral sex? Do you like oral sex?

1:05:30 Caller It's fun, but it's never worked.

1:05:33 Adam All right. I'm going to give you some advice, some sagely advice. You're ready? Start beating off in all different positions. Challenge yourself. Quiet, Drew.

1:05:44 Drew I'm with you on that.

1:05:45 Adam Silence. Don't just sit at the computer. See if you can squeeze one off standing up in the shower. See if you can squeeze one off when you're on your back. See if you can squeeze one off on your knees. See if you can squeeze one off running in place on a pogo stick, on one of those sit and spins. Oh, that's a mess. That is a mess, Drew. Have you seen that?

1:06:08 Drew On a spin art?

1:06:09 Adam We just sit, no, sit and spin, sit and spin.

1:06:12 Drew Gross.

1:06:13 Adam Not the spin art. Although you could try that one too. Sit and spin.

1:06:16 Drew Yes, nice.

1:06:17 Adam Yeah.

1:06:19 Caller Woo.

1:06:21 Adam Lordy. Point is, is challenge yourself to ejaculate in 10 different positions. If you can do that, you will be able to have sex with a woman.

1:06:30 Drew All that is helpful, but he left. Yeah. Interestingly, his bogus. Yeah, his bogus.

1:06:34 Adam His bogus. Here's the whole thing about bogus, everyone. Do you pussies have to be bogus and boring?

1:06:39 Drew Right.

1:06:40 Adam If you're going to be bogus, at least come up with something.

1:06:42 Drew We had one the last week that was really good. It really nailed us.

1:06:50 Caller I can't remember.

1:06:52 Adam And then you ask him a question. How, what girl was the best? Come on, you pussies. Come, you're going to come with something bogus. Bring something.

1:07:03 Drew Ethanil.

1:07:04 Adam Estradil. That's the whole thing. I mean, if you're going to be bogus, make it good. All right. You ready to take a break, Drew?

1:07:13 Drew As soon as Anderson plays one more time. 100 micrograms of ethanol, estradil, which is.

1:07:19 Caller Ethanil, estradil.

1:07:22 Drew It's the progesterone. It's the levonogestrone.

1:07:25 Caller And where is the levonogestrone?

1:07:27 Drew Or the northendrone.

1:07:29 Caller No, put that whiffle ball back down. Come in the house. It's so behind. I'm sick of these kids, man.

1:07:39 Adam Now, there's a longer version of that, isn't there, Anderson? I mean, if you just played the entire. If you just played the thing from the show, didn't he just do it for 10 minutes or is that just that just later?

1:07:51 Caller Maybe, maybe that was it for for about three minutes, probably.

1:07:55 Adam Yeah.

1:07:55 Drew Can we hear that?

1:07:56 Adam Give me a big fat version of that. I just want to hear it for the ride home.

1:08:01 Caller You want to hear it on on air?

1:08:03 Adam Yeah, I'd like to hear the big fat version of it. Yeah, I really would. OK. All right. Thanks. See what you can do. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:08:14 Caller Dude, you got issues.

1:08:16 Caller Call Loveline.

1:08:17 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:08:34 Adam Yeah, buddy, it's the Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191-ER. Sherry over here loves giving oral, but doesn't like receiving it. Yes, I want to talk to her, I want to marry her. Sherry?

1:08:53 Caller Yeah.

1:08:54 Adam 23.

1:08:55 Caller Yeah.

1:08:56 Adam You like giving oral, but you don't like receiving it.

1:08:59 Caller Yes, this is true.

1:09:01 Adam And is that a problem? Well, I don't know.

1:09:05 Caller My friends seem to think it's a problem. More than I do.

1:09:09 Drew Well, here's, now, let's talk to Lamar here, see if my theory on this holds true.

1:09:14 Adam Multi?

1:09:15 Drew I don't have a clear fix yet.

1:09:17 Adam Not getting the multi-fix?

1:09:18 Drew But that would certainly explain this.

1:09:22 Caller The what?

1:09:24 Adam Not getting the, are you multi-orgasmic?

1:09:27 Caller Not that I'm aware of.

1:09:29 Adam Yeah.

1:09:30 Caller Drew's, Drew's.

1:09:32 Caller Actually, I've never really had an orgasm while having sex with a woman.

1:09:37 Adam See, when Drew talks to a multi-orgasmic woman, his sacky sense starts tingling. And he wasn't getting that from you.

1:09:45 Drew But that would explain why.

1:09:47 Adam But sometimes these women who like giving and don't like receiving. So here's, so here are the choices, multi-orgasmic and just not into it.

1:09:57 Drew Multi-orgasmic women don't like oral sex typically.

1:10:00 Adam It's the same reason you don't like oral.

1:10:02 Drew No, it's actually, no, it's kind of uncomfortable for them.

1:10:04 Adam It's like, too, no, no, it's a waste of time.

1:10:09 Drew No, no, they'll actually say it's a little too.

1:10:10 Adam Oh, a little, little intense. But it's just not what they want.

1:10:14 Caller It does make me really uncomfortable though.

1:10:16 Adam Well, no, that's another, okay, I'm getting the next thing. The other thing though, there's elements of it's too intense because it's like they have a supercharged clitoris that is just, it's literally...

1:10:27 Drew You can't tolerate the direct stimulation.

1:10:29 Adam Yeah, I mean most...

1:10:32 Drew Supercharged clitoris.

1:10:34 Adam Well, I'll tell you, it's a difference between a piece of shoe leather, which I seem to run into and something that's plugged into some 220 amperage, you know what I mean? I mean, it's ready to go. It's a live wire. And Drew, not a huge fan of oral, just, why waste the time? You know what I mean? Let's dispense with the parsley on the side of the plate. Let's get to the meat. That's Drew's thing. Now, the other thing, if you're not multi-orgasmic, is the other two things are, well, daddy did something weird to you and made you feel weird, or just weird shame and uncomfortable, just not comfortable with that area of your body, low self-esteem.

1:11:13 Drew Even a fourth, it's too intimate. Too intimate.

1:11:16 Adam All right. So what do you got, Sherry?

1:11:19 Caller Well, my dad never did anything like that. I listen to your guys' show all the time, and I feel so bad for all those people who have been sexually abused, but I'm definitely not one of them.

1:11:28 Adam Me too.

1:11:29 Caller But I think it might be the too uncomfortable with myself, possibly.

1:11:36 Adam Do you not feel good, let's say, being naked around the man?

1:11:40 Caller It depends on if I've been in a relationship for a long time, I'm fine with...

1:11:44 Adam Lights on, all that stuff.

1:11:46 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:11:46 Caller Yeah.

1:11:49 Adam All right.

1:11:50 Caller People think it's weird, just because it's not violent.

1:11:52 Adam Let me...

1:11:53 Drew Well, you don't have an orgasm, first of all. Maybe once that starts happening, maybe you'll get over that.

1:11:57 Adam Also, people don't have to be into everything. Once in a while, it means something from their past is creating something in their present, but then sometimes it's just not your thing.

1:12:08 Drew Sometimes a cigar is just a good smoke.

1:12:10 Adam That's right.

1:12:11 Caller Jerry?

1:12:12 Adam Yeah.

1:12:13 Drew You're fine.

1:12:13 Adam Not your bag.

1:12:14 Drew I think once somebody you do encounter, somebody who actually knows how to kind of work the apparatus properly.

1:12:20 Caller That's what everybody says. They're like, somebody knows what they're doing.

1:12:25 Adam I sort of disagree. I just think it's not your thing. That's fine.

1:12:30 Drew What's how she can have an orgasm then?

1:12:32 Adam Well, she's going to vibrate her. Yeah, I'm going to get a vibrate her.

1:12:35 Caller I have fun on my own.

1:12:37 Adam Oh, you have an orgasm on your own?

1:12:40 Caller Yeah. Normally, that's generally when it happens.

1:12:43 Drew Good times.

1:12:44 Caller But I love sex.

1:12:45 Caller Sex is awesome.

1:12:47 Adam And you can't recreate that on your own thing with the guy?

1:12:50 Caller Uh-uh.

1:12:51 Adam No. Nothing. Nothing close.

1:12:53 Caller Do you think that's all like a confidence issue?

1:12:55 Drew I do that a lot.

1:12:57 Adam It's a little comfort thing. I don't know if it's a confidence. It's a comfort level. But you know, it'll kick in.

1:13:05 Caller Yeah.

1:13:05 Well, you see, I was almost married.

1:13:06 Caller I was with somebody for two years.

1:13:08 Drew And you couldn't do it with him? Why?

1:13:12 Caller I don't know.

1:13:15 Drew Did he talk about it?

1:13:17 Caller No, I didn't want to make you feel bad because I have a habit of faking it, so they feel very bad.

1:13:23 Drew Oh, Sherry, that's bad.

1:13:24 Adam Yeah, that's bad.

1:13:26 Caller But you know, because the sex is like pleasurable to me.

1:13:29 Drew I know, but Sherry, please, please, you're going to resent the guys for that. Yeah, please stop.

1:13:36 Adam Never had a woman that had the dignity to fake it.

1:13:40 Drew Well, as far as you know.

1:13:41 Adam Well, no, I know, because if you're... No, that's what I'm saying. I'm going to do the math. Done the math.

1:13:48 Caller There you go.

1:13:49 Adam You know what I mean? Nothing from nothing leaves nothing like Billy Cresson used to say.

1:13:53 Caller Yeah.

1:13:54 Caller Yeah.

1:13:55 Adam Hey Anderson.

1:13:57 Caller Yeah.

1:13:58 Adam You got any of that David Alan Greer?

1:14:00 Caller Yeah, it gave me three seconds, literally.

1:14:02 Adam All right. Should we take another call?

1:14:05 Caller No, literally three seconds. I can turn around. It's just behind me.

1:14:08 Caller So well, here we go.

1:14:11 Drew This is David Greer.

1:14:13 Adam This week ago?

1:14:14 Caller Yeah.

1:14:15 Adam Talking, talking about that. Well, Drew, somebody called in about here's the call. Somebody called in about birth control.

1:14:21 Drew Morning after pill.

1:14:22 Adam I don't know if they could take the morning after pill as birth control. Drew said, well, get your morning after pill and tell me which one it is.

1:14:29 Drew No, get your birth control and tell me which one is.

1:14:31 Adam I'm sorry, get your birth control, tell me which one it is and I can tell if you can be used for morning after pill.

1:14:36 Drew And here's what went down. Or two milligrams of norethindrone.

1:14:40 Adam Dave has a sister named norethindrone.

1:14:42 Drew Yeah, and again, take a dose of that now and a dose 12 hours later. That's what you need. There can also be the 100 micrograms of ethinyl estradiol, which is-

1:14:51 Caller Ethinyl estradiol!

1:14:53 Drew It's the progesterone. It's the levonogestrel.

1:14:57 Caller And where is levonogestrel?

1:14:59 Drew Or the norethindrone.

1:15:01 Caller Norethindrone, put that whiffle ball back down. Come in the house! So behind, I'm sick of these kids, man. Norethindrone, what? What is it? Epidestral?

1:15:14 Adam Drew, what else? My dad's name is- Keep going, you idiot. Keep going.

1:15:20 Drew I was laughing too hard. Biffle Pristone. Biffle Pristone.

1:15:24 Caller I'm here to pick up Mr. Pristone. Biffle Pristone. Biffle Pristone, Biffle Staphylis, if you don't get into this dodged comet, at the count of three, I will wear your behind out. And get that for real, your sister, please.

1:15:42 Adam Drew, what else you got?

1:15:43 Drew A Norgestrel.

1:15:44 Caller Norgestrel. Norgestrel. Did you take my beer can? Norgestrel.

1:15:50 Adam To bang you on the head to go more? Come on.

1:15:55 Caller One more, Drew, there's one.

1:15:58 Drew Well, Nor-Thin-Drone, that was the original one.

1:16:00 Caller It's gotta be one more, come on.

1:16:02 Caller Come on.

1:16:03 Caller Oh my god.

1:16:04 Adam Anything, it could be for high blood pressure.

1:16:07 Drew Nolip-Rus.

1:16:08 Caller Nolip-Rus? You are my oldest son. I have big... Nolip-Rus, please, please. Bring your bicycle in the backyard. Street light is on. Now come on, stop now, stop, stop, stop playing.

1:16:25 Adam David Allen Grier in the studio tonight. Is he, do you see how it really goes down? I bring the thing up and then I have to squeeze you like a bar rag to keep going with the joke. You just sit there. I'm enjoying it. Totally silent and, Drew, do another one. Then you find begrudgingly one comes out of you and then there's more long silence and then another one comes out. Why aren't you firing them up? Come on, buddy. It's not here. This show is not being done for your own amusement.

1:16:51 Drew Your birthday. We're going to have a huge list.

1:16:54 Adam Chris, I'm just saying, do you hear how things actually go down?

1:16:58 Drew It's funnier when you have to ask me stuff.

1:17:00 Adam It'd be funny if you spat out five. All right, for my birthday, you're coming over, David Alan Greer is coming over, and you are going to have not a list, but a scroll.

1:17:12 Drew Yeah, a huge, huge tome. A tome?

1:17:15 Adam What's a tome?

1:17:16 Drew A couple of tomes.

1:17:17 Caller The big, big, big volumes?

1:17:21 Drew Yes, huge volumes.

1:17:22 Adam Okay, and I just want you're going to go through several hundred thousand of these things.

1:17:29 Drew Some sort of big, some sort of podium set up. You can just throw that big book down, open it up and start.

1:17:33 Adam Thousands of pages, thousands of pages.

1:17:35 Drew Oh, don't worry.

1:17:36 Adam All right. He's going to turn every single one of them into a blank page. You understand? And I don't care what the medication is for.

1:17:46 Drew Yeah, I actually stood in my medicine class today and just imagined all the names being created. I just sat there five minutes just reading off the names thinking about what you would do with them. It's funny.

1:17:56 Adam Awesome.

1:17:57 Caller Marissa.

1:17:59 Adam You're 20?

1:18:00 Caller Yes. This is actually a two part question because one sort of leads to the other. Sometimes when I have sex, my back, my lower back, tenses up so much that I can't have orgasm, but I am multi-orgasmic.

1:18:16 Drew You're what?

1:18:17 Caller Multi-orgasmic.

1:18:20 Adam Say that in a very weird way.

1:18:22 Caller Sorry.

1:18:22 Adam All right. So you're multi-orgasmic, your back tenses up.

1:18:27 Caller But if the back tenses up, it's like completely done. I can't at all. It's weird. I don't know if it's a psychological thing, like I expect something and so my back tenses up and nothing happens. Or what?

1:18:44 Drew Well, I'm trying to sort of make sense of this. There's something called lordosis that happens in women.

1:18:50 Adam Oh, David Alan Crick, lordosis.

1:18:52 Drew You go nuts with that. But that's what cats do when you rub their back, they kind of curve the ass up in the air. Women do that too when they're presenting.

1:19:01 Caller Yeah.

1:19:04 Drew And I could see where that might work against you. I mean, basically, you just have to learn to relax. That's the bottom line. Men have certain different muscular sort of, men and women typically have sort of positions or ways they can track their leg muscles to sort of bring things along.

1:19:19 Adam Well, you're multi-orgasmic. How do you throw your back out?

1:19:23 Caller The thing is, I don't have a bad back, nor do I feel pain.

1:19:26 Drew It's just the muscular contraction.

1:19:28 Caller Yeah, it's not a painful thing. It's just, I know that, cause you know, when you feel, like women can feel an orgasm coming on. And so when I feel that coming on, my back automatically does that. It doesn't happen all the time, but I don't know if it's because I know it's coming on, that my back does that or what.

1:19:46 Drew Are you fearful of something happening?

1:19:49 Caller No, not at all fearful.

1:19:50 Adam Well, but do you ever have the orgasm?

1:19:54 Caller Yeah, I, I, She has multiple orgasms. Yes, and the thing is also sometimes is I can orgasm in, you know, three minutes. I don't take very long.

1:20:04 Adam I'm a little bit confused. You're multi-orgasmic, you have an orgasm, your back spasms.

1:20:09 Drew If the back spasm gets ahead of the orgasm, the orgasm doesn't come.

1:20:12 Adam How is she gonna have the orgasm in three minutes? Does the spasm beat the orgasm?

1:20:16 Caller Yeah, well, if I...

1:20:18 Adam You see the movie Phantasm?

1:20:21 Drew Where the spasm meets the orgasm.

1:20:23 Adam That's what they say. Well, that's this cry wolf.

1:20:27 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:20:28 Adam Where the phasm...

1:20:29 Drew You lie, you die. Where the spasm meets the orgasm.

1:20:32 Adam Yeah. I wouldn't mind being on that little stretch of road where the spasm meets the orgasm.

1:20:37 Drew No, no.

1:20:38 Adam Yeah. Better than where the rubber meets the road. All right. So, look, your job is to... Oh, sorry. Where is she?

1:20:46 Drew Five.

1:20:46 Caller Five.

1:20:48 Adam Marissa, your job is to have your...

1:20:51 Drew Gasm before the spasm.

1:20:52 Adam Gasm meets your spasm. That's all. It's a race.

1:20:55 Caller I wish I could do that. And I just wanted to know if it's a psychological thing because...

1:21:00 Drew No, it's not. I doubt that it's psychological. It's really what we consider sort of biological. It's some sort of mechanism that's kicking in for whatever reason. It's getting ahead of things. It's almost like it's an autonomic thing. It's not something you really have control over. You can sort of learn through biofeedback to control these various things and you need to find a way to kind of... It's not something you can volitionally control easily or consciously control. You have to sort of kind of figure out some mechanism and it's going to take some working.

1:21:29 Adam What about, I don't know why I was just thinking about this, but the New Orleans death toll? Everyone was like, oh.

1:21:34 Drew So I knew that was going to be nothing.

1:21:36 Adam It's going to be 10,000.

1:21:37 Drew But listen, if there were 10,000, can you imagine how desperate people would have been in Houston? I mean, I hope it.

1:21:42 Adam Well, it's one of these things where you have to do the math, which I was explaining to people a few days ago when they were explaining it to me, it could be as high as 10,000. I said, no way, because here's what I said. All this stuff, everything makes sense if you sort of break it down, which is people, first off, virtually almost everyone left. That's number one. Number two, it wasn't a situation where a plane crashed into the roof of somebody's house in the middle of the night. Right. They knew the storm was coming, the levee broke, the water was raised. The people who stayed behind knew that if the levee broke and the water came up, they were going to have to get to higher ground, namely the roof, than the water. They also knew that they needed an axe or whatever in their attic to climb through the whatever, whatever. So, what percentage of people just sort of sat on a folding chair and waited till the water got above their head?

1:22:40 Drew Well, and there's even another corollary to that is what percentage of people who couldn't do that themselves didn't have caretakers there like nurses and doctors and things to do for them?

1:22:48 Adam Now, the point is, is a handful of people had, you know, heart attacks and had strokes and had whatever, and that happens anyway.

1:22:55 Drew And there were some horrible situations in a couple of facilities.

1:22:57 Adam Right. But 10,000 people, that estimate, down to a little under 200, is just the news running wild.

1:23:06 Drew Makes me sick.

1:23:08 Adam And it's irresponsible journalism. It really is, because it's slanted, you're trying to make a point, and it's sensationalism. You know, you have nothing to substantiate that.

1:23:18 Drew Why say that? It just makes the whole story sound bogus.

1:23:22 Adam And it just fuels and fans the flames that are already burning.

1:23:26 Drew Which were ridiculous.

1:23:26 Adam In the hearts of America.

1:23:27 Drew And here's what kills me the most, though, is it keeps the attention focused on New Orleans when the people in Mississippi have suffered more than anybody.

1:23:35 Adam Right. Well, that always happens. I mean, it's always one of those things where we sort of decide that, you know, 9-11 was somehow that the victims of that were much, somehow needed our help, whereas the victims of the Oklahoma city bombing didn't need our help, whereas the victims in the Twin Towers needed our help, whereas the victims at the Pentagon didn't need our help. You know, we just sort of, we only have so much focus, we just sort of pick one and we go with it, you know, you know what I'm saying? So that's kind of what we do. We're focused on New Orleans, we're not focused on Mississippi, we're focused on the Twin Towers, we're not focused on the Pentagon. It's just, we just focus on something. I don't even know if that's good or bad, but that's just the way it's, you know, you just spin the wheel, it lands on one and that's where it all goes to. And the more, the more focus it gets, the more focus it gets.

1:24:26 Drew You're right.

1:24:26 Adam Yeah, that was profound, wasn't it?

1:24:28 Drew Amazing.

1:24:29 Adam You got something to say?

1:24:30 Drew Take a break.

1:24:31 Adam All right. Got to plug my show. Jimmy Kimmel is going to be on my show tonight. Good show. Man show. Tribute. Nice. Tribute to the man show on Too Late, with Adam Carolla tonight, Comedy Central. Take a quick break. Be right back after this. Yeah! What's going on there, brothers? Tell you what, we got about 40,000-watt flame thrower over here right now, coming at you right now. Hey, 22, 22, I'm telling you. Tell you what, weather traffic coming up top of the sports. Rob Fugzaki, giving us sports coming up top of the hour. Weather's right. Rob, get out of here, brother. He's just like, give me an assful, like it.

1:25:25 Caller I tell you what, you know what I love about you?

1:25:26 Adam I love how the door hit you on the way out. I'll tell you what, right now we got traffic.

1:25:31 Drew Do not drop trial. Don't do it. Do not drop trial.

1:25:33 Caller This guy will rob you.

1:25:34 Adam He's crazy.

1:25:35 Drew You'll drop trial.

1:25:35 Caller Watch out.

1:25:36 Adam Don't do it.

1:25:36 Caller We got drop trial.

1:25:38 Adam 82222 after 8 o'clock. We got traffic, weather, news, and sports coming up at the top of the hour. Top, bottom, middle, right side, left side, and all corners of the hour. I'll tell you what, we got traffic, news, weather, and sports coming at you. I'll tell you some trouble on the floor level exchange. You got a mattress and lanes. Watch out for brake lights. Got a jackknife, bobcat, go ahead now. One hit, hey, I've got a loop. I'll tell you what, hold on, that's okay. Rob's coming to you, there's sports, we got weather, traffic. Dre, we got breaking weather. We got breaking sports and breaking wind. That's, well, that's sports weather. It's breaking traffic and breaking weather. Top of the hour, all hour. I'll tell you what, this is your station. You want weather, sports, traffic, and breaking wind. I mean, you tune in to this, baby, because I'll tell you, this is where I was going to give it to you. Top of the hour, every day, every night. I'll tell you what, I'll tell you, there's some breaking news just coming up off the ticker. All callers tonight who get in on the air will receive two tickets to see Cry Wolf. Got to tell you, scary movie, Drew. Scary movie? I've seen this movie. This movie is scary. I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, some scary, scary stuff. When a group of mischievous students exploits the news of a recent murder for laughs, their seemingly harmless prank turns terrifyingly real as a killer stalks them one by one. They don't stalk everyone in a group. They take them one by one. That's the way the killers do it.

1:27:03 Caller They lie you die.

1:27:04 Adam 822-22 after 8 o'clock. Everyone who gets a ticket also qualifies to win a trip to see Block Party from this movie. They're in the soundtrack of Block, but this is great. Kids are going to rock and roll. Tell you what, right now, I get to go to Europe, never been myself. Sounds awesome. This Friday, you lie, you die. Cry Wolf, theaters everywhere. Come on down, you're going to win yourself a trip to Europe.

1:27:27 Drew And Sunday we announce the European winner.

1:27:28 Adam Oh, I'll tell you, that's big stuff. I'll tell you about it, that's exciting stuff. Again, we got news, traffic, traffic, weather, news and breaking traffic and breaking weather, breaking wind, top of the hour. Every hour, every quarter hour and a half hour and the eighth hour and the sixteenth hour and the 32nd hour and the 64th hour and the 128th hour. And the 256th hour and the 512th hour and the 1,024th hour and the 2,048th hour. Boy, I'll tell you what, that's where we have news, traffic, weather, weather, sports, news and traffic.

1:28:01 Drew Michelle 19, what's up?

1:28:03 Caller Hi. Okay, so like in the last two weeks, when I've been having sex with my boyfriend, like about three minutes into it, I get this like sharp, stabbing pain pretty much in between my hips, like about two inches down from my navel.

1:28:20 Adam Yeah, it's called a penis.

1:28:23 Caller I'll tell you what.

1:28:25 Caller You never what?

1:28:25 Adam It's good stuff.

1:28:28 Caller I've never really had any problems like this before. Like I've been sexually active for a while and like I've never really had any sort of pain, but it gets to the point where I'm like doubled over and it's really painful.

1:28:40 Drew Have you had a pelvic exam? You had an ultrasound?

1:28:44 Caller Two months ago I went in for every six months check up or whatever and they said everything was fine.

1:28:50 Drew Why are you being checked every six months?

1:28:54 Caller Just like to get tested for STDs and stuff to make sure everything's okay.

1:28:58 Drew Every six months?

1:28:59 Adam You have a steady boyfriend?

1:29:01 Caller Yeah, I do, but I mean.

1:29:03 Adam You don't trust him?

1:29:05 Caller It's not that well, I thought I'd just be safe and, you know, something later and wish I had gotten such a cure.

1:29:14 Adam Now makes me think you're up in your head somewhere.

1:29:17 Caller I'm sorry?

1:29:18 Adam Makes me think you're up in your head and you're freaked out. What happened? Anything? Any abuse?

1:29:24 Caller No, never. I'm pretty well around it. I just, I don't really know where this is coming from. Like, it's not really...

1:29:30 Adam All right, here's the compulsive. What's the anal part coming out of it?

1:29:32 Drew It's just her. Here's the deal. Could be an ovarian cyst, could be endometriosis, could be a tubal infection, could be appendicitis, could be a lot of different things, but you've got to get that checked out, Michelle. It's, you know, you need a pelvic exam and you need an ultrasound right away.

1:29:46 Adam You know what I wish? I wish I had some computer program where I could just say the medical term and David Alan Greer would spit out the black person's name.

1:29:56 Drew Yeah, but it's not just the black person's name. It's the whole scene he sets.

1:30:00 Adam Well, that would be part of the program. But I would say like, tubal ligation. And then he would be like, tubal ligation. You see what I'm saying? It would be awesome.

1:30:10 Caller Yeah.

1:30:11 Adam I wish I could do that. Drew, would you work that out?

1:30:14 Caller Yeah.

1:30:14 Adam Sharon?

1:30:15 Drew For your birthday?

1:30:16 Caller Yes.

1:30:17 Adam Endometriosis would be awesome. Are you writing these down?

1:30:21 Drew I'm bringing the tome in for you. Sharon, 23, what's up?

1:30:26 Caller Yeah, I'm just, I'm fed up with men. That's all. And I had people, women approach me. You know, the lesbian thing has found them better and better every day.

1:30:36 Adam All right, go ahead. Let's talk to-

1:30:38 Drew That's something that happens. Women are brutalized by men. They will just kind of flip over.

1:30:42 Adam Go hook up. Mitch?

1:30:44 Caller Yo, hey.

1:30:45 Adam 25?

1:30:46 Drew Yeah, hey.

1:30:46 Adam You going to law school?

1:30:48 Caller Yeah.

1:30:49 Adam There's no lawyer named Mitch.

1:30:51 Caller Yeah, no, my real name is Michelle, but I can't go by that.

1:30:54 Caller You know, he'll be, he'll be Mitchell when he's a lawyer.

1:30:55 Caller Oh, I see.

1:30:56 Adam Okay.

1:30:57 Caller Whatever's more professional. I got a kind of a fun question. You know, I have a bunch of friends, like, especially when I was in college, they would take, like, Adderall or whatever. Or what's the other one? Ritalin?

1:31:07 Drew Ritalin.

1:31:08 Caller I know. I don't know. They're very, very, it seems to improve, but, and you know, you can go to online or whatever. So I was wondering-

1:31:14 Adam They take it to stay up, to study, to cram?

1:31:17 Caller It just, it seems like they could focus more. That was what they told me.

1:31:21 Adam I know, but would they take it just in class or would they take it when they're pulling all nighters?

1:31:25 Caller Just like every morning, like, you know, they just buy it offline and just take it every morning for-

1:31:31 Drew That's, that's, that's addiction. They're, they're, they're become stimulant addicts. That's going to be a bad, bad thing.

1:31:36 Adam Drew, what about absorption of knowledge when you're altered? Does it not tend to stick as well?

1:31:44 Drew Well, for the most part, that's true. However, Adderall, Ritalin, the fact is that there's a slight cognitive advantage when you're on the press. Yeah, I know, but there's a huge price we paid for that.

1:31:57 Adam How much? I got money.

1:31:58 Drew No, I don't mean money. I mean the mother nature will take its toll.

1:32:02 Adam You mean you got to pay in like pine cones or something?

1:32:05 Caller If I was going to stay, let's say, for two months for the bar, when the bar comes up, would it be a problem? Will it have any mental, will it cause any problems?

1:32:13 Drew Well, it can.

1:32:14 Adam You could get going and not get off it. Plus, you get to walk around with the knowledge of thinking that you may not be good enough, like an athlete who without steroids couldn't compete.

1:32:25 Drew There is that. And then there is the fact that there is some risk of something called excitotoxicity where these, you know, if these things are managed carefully, you can't damage parts of the brain. Excitotoxicity.

1:32:35 Adam Sharon?

1:32:36 Caller Yeah.

1:32:37 Caller All right.

1:32:38 Adam Here's the deal. You being a lesbian because you hate men is not the world's greatest plan.

1:32:47 Drew It's not that I hate men.

1:32:47 Adam You should work out your issues with men.

1:32:51 Drew Right. Your choices in men are probably more to do with than anything else.

1:32:53 Adam Thank you. We'll take a break. We'll be back.

1:32:56 Caller Alright, guys, here's the deal.

1:32:58 Drew You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person? One call is all you need to make.

1:33:03 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:33:04 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:33:06 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:33:26 Adam Well, that's the show, y'all. We'll take a little extendo 22-hour break. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:33:35 Caller Frank?

1:33:39 Adam Frank's 23, but he sounds younger.

1:33:44 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station.

1:33:56 Adam The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, September 12, 2005