Episode 1000724338036

1:04 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:12 Voiceover Sexually-oriented content.

1:15 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:16 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:18 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:21 Voiceover This is Loveline.

1:25 Voiceover With Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:28 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That's Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. And tonight, our guest from The Aristocrats and many other things, Bob Saget.

1:44 Thank you.

1:44 Adam Good to see you, Bob. Good to see you too. A couple of things, a little ask-a-son for Bob Saget. First off, he was on Entourage a couple of weeks back. And excellent on it. I enjoy Entourage and Bob's character was stellar on it. The other thing I got to say about Bob Saget is, I watch Full House, maybe almost every episode. Not, no, and America's Funniest Videos. Both shows, not because I think they're the height of art, just because I want my brain to do nothing for one half hour or one hour, depending on which show it is.

2:23 Drew It's a pleasant way to do that.

2:25 Adam Full House is a pleasant way to do it. I swear to God, I can't take any more people kicking the crap out of each other. It's just, you know what you're gonna get, gonna relax, gonna shut down. And the other thing is America's Funniest Videos, still watch it now with Tom Bergeron.

2:43 Drew Some of the hardest laughs I get in the week are, It's real people stuff.

2:47 Adam It sounds stupid, but what it is is, No, a lot of people still watch it. You watch a sitcom, you get a couple of head nods, maybe smile in there, no out loud stuff. You see the guy take the wiffle ball in the sack, you laugh out loud. And it's like, there's nothing smart about it, there's no genius about it, there's nothing, anything. I'll just watch those clips until you stop running those clips.

3:11 It's like silent films. You could just watch somebody get smacked. You just keep going. If you're standing on the street and you see a guy fall in a manhole and then you wait for a minute and then he comes out, but he's hurt, but he's okay, you laugh. And so that's what this is. This is on tape.

3:25 Adam No, I mean you show that, I see a cat like staring at a koi pond and I'm in. I'm just going to watch until either the cat goes into the koi pond or the koi jumps out or the dog runs up behind the cat and the cat jumps on the dog.

3:37 Unless you see the fishing line pull the cat into the koi pond.

3:40 Adam Yeah, I don't want to see anything. That's not right. I don't want to see anything cooked.

3:43 Jerry Rigg.

3:45 Adam I'll just watch that stuff. Yeah. And of course, my affinity for- I can't believe you watched Full House. I can't believe I watched Full House.

3:54 I guess it's a heightened reality. I mean, it was like leave it to Beaver for us.

3:58 Adam I know. But-

4:00 Violins played when I would talk to Michelle and Uncle Jesse.

4:03 Adam Here's the thing though, and he'd go into the bullwinkle voice.

4:07 Caller That was Dave. Stamos had a mullet, which he loves when I remind him of that. And I had a bouffant.

4:12 Adam Yeah, Dave Gouillet had a little mullet going, too.

4:15 Caller He had the reverse sting Phil Collins backwards hair mullet.

4:18 Adam You know what? I was saying a few months back that the Stamos tried to get, I think, Lord Have Mercy off the ground, but it never quite took. It was never, hey, and it was never like, what were you talking about or anything?

4:34 Caller It was Have Mercy. But Dave had cut it out, which I think did take off. Because I brought it tonight.

4:41 Drew Then there was also the, he had another video with Tonic Attain.

4:46 Caller Yeah, he did the, Dave did the show after mine. They kind of, Jerry, they kind of re-did it. They cloned my show America's Funniest People.

4:53 Adam Right. So Bob.

4:55 Caller And I love Dave and John. They're my dear friends.

4:57 Adam You're, you got plenty of FU money, right?

5:01 Caller Yeah, so now I'm making FU money. It's like R-rated. My new world is R-rated.

5:06 Adam Yeah, well, we were talking about that.

5:08 Drew It was very funny.

5:09 Adam Yes. It's true. He has FU money.

5:11 Drew He's making money off FU.

5:13 Adam Right.

5:14 Caller I have a friend that wanted FU money. And he said, now I have FU.

5:19 Adam We were talking to the very sick Howie Mandel in here, who would not touch anybody, did a lot of hand wringing.

5:25 Caller Yeah, he likes to do the power fisting handshake.

5:28 Adam I don't think he likes to do that either. It's just anything but.

5:31 Caller I get that because he knows I wash quite a bit.

5:34 Adam Yeah, I'm not so sure that it's a completely pragmatic thing. I think it's just something that may be up in his head. He's got a clean room at his house for when his kids get sick. He has a place to retreat to. But he said that Bob Saget was a blue comic before all the full house and all this stuff came around.

5:54 Caller Way before. I was always R-rated. I did an HBO special that was to drop the F-bomb on that thing a bunch back when both shows were in the top 10. I guess people were kids watching full house, so they didn't know to put that on because they shouldn't be watching that anyway.

6:11 Adam How many years did you do America's top videos, funniest videos and full house simultaneously?

6:21 Caller Six and a half simultaneously.

6:23 Drew Wow.

6:24 Caller It was eight years.

6:25 Drew That was when network was network.

6:27 Adam They're rerunning the hell out of full house.

6:30 Caller And both shows, actually.

6:32 Adam You get a little taste of that?

6:34 Caller It's a taste. I didn't own the show, so you get the residuals. You know what they can be. Right. I'm divorced, so it's half a residual.

6:40 Adam Oh, really?

6:40 Caller It's a rez.

6:41 Adam Oh, man.

6:42 Caller It's an ubel.

6:43 Adam But still, so you're good.

6:44 Caller Things are great. I'm out doing my standup, which is like I'm selling out places now, and I'm at Headline House of Blues in Vegas, things like that, where you get like a thousand or a couple thousand kids in colleges, and that's really fun for me. My standup, I'm enjoying now a lot right now.

7:00 Adam So are you in the part of your life where you're just doing what you want to do, having a good time?

7:07 Caller I mean, do you have to work? Yeah, I have to because I love working.

7:13 Adam Financially.

7:14 Caller But also artistically, I haven't really, I did a play in New York a few months back. I saw the doctor there at a restaurant, a wonderful restaurant called Esco, which all your listeners I'm sure are going to rush out to. But I did an off-broadway play that Paul Weitz wrote. Let me get that.

7:28 Adam Privilege?

7:29 Caller Yeah, look at you knowing everything.

7:31 Adam It's right here.

7:32 Caller Paul Weitz wrote it, who wrote about a boy, wrote the movie and directed it, and wrote In Good Company and directed that.

7:39 Adam Was it a serious play?

7:40 Caller It was. It had a lot of comedy in it, and then it got kind of serious. It was about an insider trader, kind of an Ivan Boski Milken kind of guy. So it kind of melted down in it, but that was a great, great thing for me.

7:50 Adam Do you want to direct, because I know you've done some of that, or do you want to do stand-up, or do you want to get into more serious stuff, or does it matter?

7:57 Caller I've got a few things now on the burner, as they would say, in a cooking thing. I've got a bunch of different things I'm doing. One would be a directing thing, and one's an acting thing I'm working on doing, which is more like what I'm like. So I can't go back and do the Full House kind of thing.

8:12 Adam A film?

8:12 Or tell me.

8:13 Caller One's a TV show, which would be for cable, and the other is a movie that I'm supposed to be getting set up to direct now.

8:19 Adam Well, here's the thing, as I see it, when you hit Full House in 1986...

8:28 Caller I know so much.

8:29 Adam What year was it?

8:30 Caller It actually was like 87, 88. Because I got fired from a CBS show that I was on.

8:35 Adam But when you hit that, there wasn't any place to go but there. There wasn't a bunch of cable shows. You couldn't just go invent cranky anchors and go sell it to some low level executive at Comedy Central and they give you some money and you go put it on. You just couldn't experiment. There's nothing to do. And then once you got in the network, you had to put the suit on and dance for the man.

9:00 Caller I did that.

9:00 Adam They pay you, but you had to go do what they wanted. There was no F you. I'm going over to Showtime.

9:05 Caller Right. And I got criticized a lot for the jokes. But if you're going to do a show that travels around the world, you can't do it like my stand up. You can't say, here's a guy getting hit in the junk. You can't say junk. They didn't even know what junk was. I was happy to get a sitcom. I just wanted any sitcom. I thought it would be like Felix Unger. I'd dust bust and then I'd hug everybody because I loved my own kids. They were young then. Here, let me show how I love my own kids. I'm playing a character. Next thing I know, I got a 12 year old now that asked me if I was gay on there.

9:32 Drew Oh, that's funny.

9:34 Caller I saw you in a dinosaur outfit last night. Are you gay?

9:36 Drew Oh my God.

9:37 Caller Yeah, I was gay.

9:38 Drew Is he a male or female? My daughter? 12 year old girl?

9:41 Caller Yeah, she's a 12 year old girl. Last I checked.

9:43 Adam I know daddy was gay.

9:45 Drew That's what my sons would do to me.

9:47 Caller Oh yeah, but she wasn't trying to give me trouble. She was just kind of like, well, she was kind of.

9:52 Adam Yeah, I'd say she was.

9:53 Caller Yeah, I'm writing her out then. She's not getting any cash.

9:56 Adam Ashley?

9:57 Yeah?

9:58 Adam You're 20?

9:59 Caller Yes.

10:00 Adam What's up?

10:02 Caller Okay, hold on just a second.

10:04 Drew Oh, sure.

10:04 Caller Hold on a second. Let me adjust my life.

10:07 Drew We'll just hang on.

10:07 Heather?

10:09 Drew What is she thinking?

10:10 Adam I don't know. She's 20. She's from Missouri. Oh, Heather?

10:14 Yeah, go ahead.

10:15 Adam Corolla. Yeah, see Bob, I'm trying to get Marco Polo, the kids' pool game.

10:20 Caller Yeah.

10:21 Adam Change to Adam Corolla.

10:22 Caller That's a great idea so my kids can say your name in the pool.

10:25 Adam Thinking Adam Corolla.

10:27 Caller That's my dream.

10:28 Adam That would be awesome.

10:29 Caller I want that so bad.

10:30 Adam Well Marco Polo, I don't think he was a great guy.

10:32 Caller No, and he didn't have his own show and all the shows you've got going.

10:35 Drew He may have been lying. He may have been lying about many of his stories. Maybe.

10:38 Adam They say he could have fabricated all of his stories.

10:41 Caller Seriously?

10:42 Adam Well, that's what they say.

10:43 Drew Well, that's one of the possible stories.

10:45 Caller Why did it happen in a pool though? Why is Marco Polo a pool game?

10:49 Adam I have no idea and that's why it's time for a change.

10:52 Caller I think Klinghoffer I can understand because it happened on water.

10:55 Drew I think he kind of got lost going through Asia and so.

10:57 Adam Maybe that's it. You know, the thing that's funny is I was thinking about this, so I thought, I'm going to go on the internet, find out a little something about Marco Polo, like when he died, where he went, stuff like that. And there was this thing I already told you, Drew, but it was funny to me where it's like, everyone always thought he was making up. These were tall tales. There's no Geraldo back then. You couldn't substantiate anything. Everyone thought these were tall tales. So in the thing on the Internet, it says, a priest begged him to admit he was lying on his deathbed. And I thought, what a priest. Hi, father, you're going to tell us you're lying, my son. Like, I'm dying here.

11:34 Caller Just leave me alone. Maybe that's where he came from. He was in the other room. Marco, maybe he was in a tent of some kind.

11:42 Adam Heather.

11:43 Caller Hi.

11:44 Adam All right, go ahead.

11:45 Caller I was just wondering if Dr. Drew could tell me a little about how borderline personality disorder manifests itself, would be more typical?

11:55 Drew Well, there's a lot of different features to it, and it's actually a term that's sort of overused. We even paint people with borderline traits very commonly these days. And it's basically, you would think of it as someone who has very dramatic relationships, has difficulty being in intimate relationships, has profound fears of abandonment, can be sexually promiscuous and have sort of fluid even sexual identity issues.

12:19 Adam Now you're talking Cool Yay.

12:22 Drew Often, a history of sexual abuse in childhood or physical abuse, that kind of thing, ban him and neglect. So some sort of trauma in childhood is often at the core of this. So why do you ask that? A lot of mood disturbances.

12:35 Adam Why do they call it borderline?

12:37 Drew Because it's an old term that actually isn't descriptive any longer, but it was originally a term, borderline psychotic. A personality disorder and it just got, it just retained the borderline moniker.

12:48 Caller Right, borderline, psychotic, psychotic. If you're borderline or is it?

12:52 Drew Yeah, now borderline, the psychotic or not psychotic no longer really applies to personality structure. It's a general symptom.

12:59 Adam Heather?

13:00 Caller I was just wondering because pretty much all of those apply to me. But I know people are overeager to just slap a definition on that.

13:10 Adam Yeah.

13:11 Drew Yeah. Let me just say that post-traumatic stress disorder, borderline and bipolar are probably in a spectrum altogether. So going to therapy, being on mood stabilizers, behavioral management, all that stuff can be, and sometimes 12 step could be very, very effective for whatever it is you have when you're in that spectrum.

13:28 Adam Did, what it says here, you hooked up with six guys you didn't know.

13:34 Caller Yeah. I can't be attracted to guys for more than a few days after I sleep with them, and I sleep with them after I barely know them.

13:43 Drew Well, again, the borderlines characteristically have something called an internal split. They have a good self and a bad self, and the bad self is the one that's able to be sexual, and when they're, and they only attach that to bad guys, and if they get really attached to someone genuinely with a good guy they're having sex with, they can't tolerate that, they sabotage.

14:00 Adam Drew has a boring self and a boring self.

14:03 Drew No, no, a more boring self.

14:05 Adam Oh yeah, you have a boring self and a super boring self.

14:09 Caller I've met a bunch of girls like that. They can't, I'm like a nice person, I try to be anyway, and sometimes I get angry if they want, what they want is me to treat them badly.

14:17 Drew Right.

14:17 Caller And I can't be around that because I can't play that game of being a not caring guy, but they would be better off, but everybody I guess is afraid of intimacy.

14:25 Drew Not everybody, but the borderlines certainly are.

14:27 Adam The hot ones are. Yeah. Yeah. They want something from you, and then you have to make this decision. You start acting like someone you're not and sort of compromise whatever standards you have just to get laid. I say yes, or do you just stay the course and go home and beat off?

14:44 Drew Yeah, borderline.

14:45 Caller Well, if you're drunk a lot, you can't even beat off because your hands don't function. It's like they're sleeping, like you slept on them. Yeah. Can you do it no matter what?

14:53 Drew Oh, he could.

14:53 Caller No matter how drunk you are, you can still hand duke?

14:57 Drew Adam is a special instrument he uses.

15:00 Adam It's tough. It's tough. You have central vac? I know what you're saying. I like that central vac.

15:09 Caller Yeah, but you got to get down on your knees for that.

15:11 Adam Yeah, yeah. It's tough while you're lying on your side.

15:13 The outlet is very...

15:14 Caller Lay on your side perhaps.

15:15 Yeah.

15:16 Caller I'm sorry to diminish what Heather was talking about.

15:18 Adam Yeah, that doesn't matter.

15:19 Drew Borderline is a tough road to hoe. It's very difficult to be in a relationship with borderline.

15:23 Caller Did you say tough road to hoe?

15:24 Drew A hoe. And too hoe.

15:26 Adam It is too hoe I think.

15:27 Drew Ashley 20.

15:28 Adam Ashley.

15:29 Caller Hello.

15:30 Adam You're 20?

15:31 Caller Yes.

15:32 Adam Go ahead baby doll.

15:33 Caller Okay, I'm sorry about that. When I was 15, I took a depot shot and it made me like stay on my period for nine months. And then finally the doctor put me on ortho tricycline. And anytime I miss the pill, I'm on my period until I get my next pack of pills.

15:51 Drew Well, Ashley, whoa, whoa, whoa. You need to drop this notion that you're on your period. Bleeding does not denote that you're on your period, okay? Uterine bleeding is bleeding. And when you're on the depot shot, you're supposed to bleed for three months continuously. Not because you're on your period, but because that's a side effect of the medication. And most women, after that three months, lose any period, any bleeding whatsoever from then on. But some women can continue to bleed.

16:21 Adam So your period is you're sloughing off something, right?

16:23 Drew Well, the period implies a cycle, and these pills and whatnot suppress all the cycle, but they often cause a side effect of continuous or mid-cycle bleeding. Now she still has a tendency to bleed because she's on oral contraceptives, the triphasic pill, which it's very common for there to be mid-cycle bleeding. And of course, if you miss your pill, the lining of the uterus is unstable and it bleeds. That's what it's supposed to do. That's what the pills do, okay?

16:51 Adam I would be a mess if I bled for three months. Yeah, it's not a good thing.

16:54 Caller The only good thing is you know where you've been. It's like if someone kidnapped you and you had a sack of rice, and you had a hole in it.

17:00 Drew Yeah, the trail. The trail, right?

17:01 Adam It's a jury in the trunk, but we followed the drops into the woods.

17:04 Drew So Ashley, it sounds like they did exactly the right thing. What's the question?

17:08 Caller Well, Monday for nine months.

17:10 Drew What's that?

17:12 Caller I was bleeding for nine months.

17:14 Drew That's right. That happens very commonly from the shot.

17:17 Caller Well, and then it caused me a lot of side pain and stuff.

17:20 Drew Right, because you're bleeding all the time.

17:22 Caller Yeah. Well, then the doctors tried to diagnose those with, like, endometriosis and pelvic inflammatory disease.

17:30 Drew Did you have any of those things?

17:31 Caller No. But they told me that it would cause, like, early menopause and that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant.

17:40 Drew What would cause early menopause?

17:43 Caller Me taking the Deborah shot when I was that young.

17:46 Adam No. That doesn't make sense.

17:48 Drew No.

17:48 Adam I never heard that.

17:49 Drew No.

17:50 Adam All right. My vagina is starting to hurt, by the way.

17:52 Caller In fact, my vagina has a first name.

17:53 Drew The long-term contraceptives like DepoProvera are thought to be responsible. The primary reason there's been a drop in the teen pregnancy right in this country.

18:02 Adam Oh, really?

18:03 Drew Yeah.

18:03 Adam There is a drop.

18:04 Drew Yeah. A dramatic drop. And it correlates with the distribution of these shots. I'm not a huge fan of these shots because of all the side effects and stuff. And people get depressed and the libido shuts down and what not. But it does prevent pregnancy.

18:16 Caller What is it a derivative of? Is there a blood thinner?

18:18 Drew Progesterone. No, it's a progesterone. But you just got continuous progesterone and sometimes that makes the line of the uterus unstable and you just bleed.

18:25 Adam So they think that the drop in teen pregnancy is because of the Depo shot?

18:29 Drew Yep.

18:30 Caller I think it's because I'm not out as much as I used to be.

18:34 Adam Yeah, Bob's been writing. I'm really busy.

18:37 Caller I'm just busy. I can't give like I did.

18:40 Adam All right, let's play a little something called Germany or Florida. Here's how the game works, Bob. All bizarre stories I learned from sitting at the Jimmy Kimmel writer's table for a couple of years emanate from either Germany or Florida. It just got to the point where some writer would start pitching a story about a guy who ate his own foot while it was still attached to his leg and someone would just yell out Germany and someone else would yell out Florida and it was out of Tallahassee or out of Stuttgart. So we decide to start playing a game called Germany or Florida. You tell us the bizarre story and then we guess is it Germany or Florida. Drew's over three.

19:15 Drew Oh no, I'm over like six now.

19:17 Adam It just feels that way. I think it's three or four.

19:19 Drew No, I think I got wiped out.

19:20 Adam All right. I'm like one for five. We're both slumping. Maybe Bob can be our good luck charm.

19:24 Caller Is it the Bat Boy out of Florida? You know that bat boy on the tablet?

19:28 Drew No, I didn't.

19:29 Adam I mean, he looks like a bat.

19:30 Caller He looks like Nosferatu. So I would say Germany, probably.

19:34 Adam Paul? Hello? All right. Here we go. Here we go. Corolla. I'm bored of my own thing. Germany or Florida?

19:42 Caller Can't wait to get in the pool tomorrow.

19:44 Adam Here we go, buddy.

19:45 Caller You guys are like gods to me. You guys put me, you know, listen to your show every night. You guys are great.

19:50 Adam Thanks, Paul.

19:51 Caller They really are amazing, aren't they?

19:52 Caller Yes, they are.

19:53 Caller They're great. Now I'm not kidding. They do a really good thing for a lot of people. I listen to it and I love what you guys do. You're funny but you help a lot of people.

20:00 Adam Thanks, Bob.

20:01 Caller I mean it, damn it.

20:02 Adam Go ahead, Paul.

20:03 Caller All right. You expect you to kind of Police divers are hunting a snapping turtle that bit a 15-year-old boy on the penis. They say the animal usually avoids human contact unless cornered. They are puzzled as to why the turtle should have attacked the teenage swimmer. The boy was bitten through the swimming trunks on his private parts and then bitten again on the hand as he tried to scramble out of the water. He realized what it was that was attacking him when the turtle latched on to his finger, leaving a deep wound that needed several stitches, Germany or Florida.

20:32 Caller It's Malibu. It was my house.

20:34 Drew Here's the deal. I've been tagged so many times, convinced that something's Florida. I mean, our callers have gotten pretty savvy to this.

20:40 Adam But here's the thing, Drew.

20:41 Drew This is snapping turtles are Florida.

20:43 Adam I know, but now you're up in your head and you're questioning yourself.

20:47 Drew I really am.

20:48 Adam And that's the problem, man.

20:49 Drew I'm screwed.

20:50 Adam You're screwed because you're questioning yourself.

20:52 Drew I'm ready to go Germany, even though I know snapping turtles don't exist in Germany.

20:55 Adam Let me tell you what used to make you great, a great Germany or Florida player. And what made me look up to you is you had instincts.

21:03 Drew Yeah.

21:04 Adam And you didn't question yourself.

21:05 You went with your gut, man.

21:08 Adam Wow. Florida. By the way, the snapping, I would rather be attacked by a puma than a snapping turtle. I am freaked out by snapping turtles.

21:18 Caller They're slow, aren't they? Don't you have to have your unit right near them waiting?

21:22 Adam They're slow, but the idea of you sort of walking barefoot through the lake and feeling something on your small toe, I mean, just, you know what I mean? You ever see those things come down on a broomstick and just crack them in half and say, oh, they're crazy. They just pop. They're crazy, Drew. All right. The good news is the turtle was more frightened of the boy than the boy. I always like when people point that out. He must have cornered it. He was frightened. Yes, but he attacks when he's frightened.

21:49 Drew Wild animal.

21:49 Adam We cower. All right, you're going Florida.

21:52 Drew Yes.

21:53 Adam It's got to be snapping turtle. It's got to be in Germany, too.

21:56 Drew Oh, no.

21:57 Adam Okay, you're going Florida, Bob.

22:00 Caller I would actually, I do think it's Florida.

22:03 Drew Although in Florida, they know better.

22:05 Caller I know that he was a young boy. I know a lot of people in Florida, and if I was a turtle, I would prefer that than German meat. Right, veiner.

22:16 Adam Okay.

22:16 Drew There you go.

22:16 Caller Schnitzel.

22:17 Adam All right, so we're going Florida and Florida. I'm going Germany just to break it up. Just to make it exciting.

22:24 Drew I'm going Germany.

22:25 Adam Well, you're going Germany now. No, I'm going Florida. Florida or Germany? You're up in your head, Drew.

22:29 Drew Florida.

22:31 Adam Okay.

22:31 Caller He's having a swamp, right?

22:33 Drew He's not telling us.

22:34 Adam He's not telling us.

22:34 Caller It could have been a pet swamp.

22:35 Drew That would tip us off.

22:36 Caller See, a German in a pet store would dangle his unit in a turtle aquarium.

22:40 Drew You're right. It's a good point.

22:41 Caller Because they do all that. They do those weird videos. They do that schizoid stuff.

22:45 Adam Now, this was in a lake. He said he bit him once, and he bit him again in the hand when he tried to. We got two Florida's into Germany.

22:51 Drew Paul, what is it?

22:52 Caller Adam, you're correct. It's Germany.

22:54 Adam No.

22:54 Damn it.

22:54 Adam No.

22:57 Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

23:00 Caller I'm glad I could be here for this.

23:01 Adam Wow, Drew. You know what? I'll tell you, as good as it feels, my heart goes out to Drew. He's really coming undone.

23:07 Drew Oh my God.

23:08 Adam And I think not only is this affecting his personal life, his sexual lives, his guys, his relationship with his children.

23:18 Drew I question everything now. You don't exist in me. Man, I don't know you anymore.

23:22 Adam Wow, Drew. This is, I've not seen this kind of slump since I was in high school.

23:30 Drew We gotta take a break. I can't stand this.

23:31 Adam Wow. Oh, wow.

23:33 Drew I'm upset.

23:34 Adam Wow.

23:36 Drew Stop it. Stop it. Yes, I am.

23:39 Adam Here's the thing, Drew, too. And now you're gonna get weird and superstitious. You're gonna start walking around telephone poles.

23:45 Drew I'm turning into some sort of yenta.

23:47 Adam Yeah, wow. Bad news. All right, Bob wrong, too, but Bob shrugs it off.

23:51 Drew Bob's his first time.

23:52 Caller I don't know anything.

23:52 Adam Yeah, he's fine.

23:53 Caller He's also one of us. I still don't understand why it's Germany, Florida.

23:56 Adam Well, it's Germany. That's the point, and I'm right. That's my point. All right.

24:01 Drew I hate you.

24:02 Adam Let's take a little break. Drew, you need to do some soul-searching, buddy. You're way up in your head.

24:10 Drew I didn't. I got to cut myself.

24:12 Adam I got to start cutting. He's start mutilating himself. All right. He's on a one for six run with the Germany, Florida, everybody. All right. Calm down. Bob Saget here, Aristocrats coming out tomorrow, the 19th of August. We'll take ourselves a break.

24:28 Caller Guy nails a turtle in it. It's really hot.

24:30 Adam We'll be right back after this.

24:34 Love Line will be right back, so get your problems ready.

24:39 Drew National Highway Traffic Safety Administration wants to remind you to designate before you celebrate. If you plan on drinking, always have a sober designated driver. Law enforcement is cracking down from coast to coast. You drink and drive, you lose.

25:11 Adam Hey, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, Bob Saget in studio tonight. The Aristocrat.

25:18 Caller The Aristocrats would be the Disney movie. This is a lot different.

25:21 Adam Yeah.

25:22 Caller We can't even talk about what it is.

25:23 Adam No, it is.

25:24 Caller It's offensive, by the way.

25:25 Adam It is going to be funny six months from now when some guy heads into a blockbuster and grabs the Aristocrats.

25:34 Caller I don't know if they'll run it because blockbuster has the same kind of policy because AMC wouldn't run the Aristocrats.

25:39 Adam All right.

25:39 Caller Well, maybe they won't.

25:40 Adam But let's just say he rolls into his local video store and there's a little mix up when he thinks he's grabbing the Aristocats for the nine-year-old and he just pops it in and then heads into the room to take a nap.

25:53 Caller George Carlin is describing the boil on his ass.

25:56 Drew Right.

25:56 Caller It's not right.

25:57 Adam And he doesn't know it until one of the kids drops the sea bomb on the following day at breakfast. You know this has to happen, right? I mean, it's just at least once, right?

26:10 Drew Or because it's an unrated movie, you bring some kids in.

26:13 Caller Right. You can't get in under 18. My 18-year-old saw it. I won't let my 15 or 12-year-old know my mother wants to see it. You're funny in it, Bobby.

26:20 I want to see it.

26:21 Caller I'm going to take my dad. He's 87. Get some quick money out of him.

26:25 Drew Bring some oxygen.

26:26 Caller He actually saw Team America and South Park movie in the theater. I took him. He thinks it's the funniest things he's ever seen. Puppets going at it was enough for him.

26:35 Adam I don't mind old folks seeing stuff. I realize old folks feel the necessity to comment on everything and that's why I don't want anyone over 50 ever seeing anything I do because they have to talk about it. Whereas younger people see it and go, you were funny, that was great. Older people will go, you were good, but that other fella, he used a lot of vulgarity or whatever it is.

26:59 Caller Well, I'm getting a lot of that because I've done so much family television. They're like, well, my God, your show is kind of blue or that was dirty and I want to go see the movie you're in. It's like, please don't.

27:11 Adam I went to my grandfather's, I don't even know what it was, like a wake or a funeral.

27:17 Caller Had he died?

27:18 Adam Well, he died, but it was a year or two after he died, which was because my family is so retarded. They really could ever.

27:24 Caller They kept the body.

27:25 Drew They put the headstone up after a year.

27:26 Adam Yeah, yeah.

27:27 Caller I thought they kept him on ice or something.

27:30 Adam Headstone?

27:30 Drew He wasn't a Corolla though.

27:33 Adam Yeah, but listen, here's the thing. He was a member of the Neptune Society. A guy came in his mother's station wagon at five in the morning, dragged him across the liver and stuffed him in the back of a minivan and throw him in the ocean. It cost 238 bucks. We never went on the ocean. We just took their word for it. He's probably in the landfill in Sun Valley right now. But the point is, is I sat next to one of my grandmother's friends and she was like, I saw you on TV last night talking about defecation for 40 minutes. Literally. I said, I said, I don't know. Was it the man? 40 minutes. Now they never know what they were watching. I don't know how that works.

28:14 Caller It's a universal subject though.

28:15 Adam Yeah, I go.

28:16 Drew They've been masturbating when they're much more sad.

28:17 Adam You're watching Loveline or you're watching the man show. I don't know, but you spoke about it for 40 minutes. I said, look, that's impossible that one show is a half hour, but the other show, maybe 12 minutes, max on defecation. She was like, I was like, look, it felt like 40 minutes, but obviously I didn't go. 40 minutes, and that's the part. It's not the part where they're offended, it's the part where they feel the necessity to share their goddamn opinion, because their thing is, eff it, I'm gonna be in the grave in 20 minutes, I'm getting this off my chest.

28:47 Drew But it's not share them.

28:49 Adam No, it's not share, it's foist. It's foist it on you, and their thing is like, what are you gonna do, punch me?

28:55 Caller Is this at a funeral?

28:56 Adam This was at the, whatever, it was his birthday, it was like two years later, people were sharing stories, and this is sort of between, you know, Jules Mandel's long-winded blowhard speech and somebody else standing up. She just leaned over and kept, and I kept saying, look, it's impossible that I spoke of defecation right now. Forty minutes, that's the thing. They're impervious, that that's the thing. They don't think, they know you're not gonna tell them to shut up, they know you're not gonna take a swing at them, and they don't care. They just don't care.

29:28 Caller There's only one way to deal with that is to drop your pants and make one for her.

29:32 Adam Actually, actually put a little soft swirl on her.

29:34 Caller Give her a little soft, Mr. Softie.

29:36 Adam Right. I was like, look, now you've talked about me talking about defecating for 40 minutes, so we're even.

29:42 Caller Here's a visual aid.

29:44 Adam Always with their opinions.

29:46 Drew James, the question about the movie.

29:47 Adam James.

29:49 Caller Yeah, how are you guys doing?

29:49 Adam You have a question for Bob?

29:51 Caller Yeah. Hey, Dr. Drew, you guys, you're great. Adam, you're great. Bob, you're genius for doing all your full house and then going on to your dirty career that everyone knows about you.

30:03 Drew That's nice.

30:04 Caller Thank you. I'll BLG rate it again about two years.

30:08 Caller As far as I've heard is that you and Sarah Silverman have the crudest, lewdest version of this joke. I want to know that in your opinion behind that, who might have the next dirtiest version only because I'm pitching to here and see this movie.

30:21 Caller Well, I actually don't look at it as a competition. Sarah's really brilliant. I read all that stuff. I don't think she's that dirty in it actually. She does her character, which is what's so interesting about it. I don't want to give it away for the people that want to be amused.

30:38 Caller I just want to give it away. I just want to hear it.

30:41 Caller There's some other people that are pretty foul. My friend Taylor Negron and Paul Reiser tells it pretty interestingly. It's interesting to see some of the people that say stuff and some that don't.

30:52 Adam Did you, Bob, you knew the joke, but have you done the joke before this?

30:59 Caller I've been told like 20 years ago by Dom Arera who told me the joke and it made me laugh, but I didn't go around telling people. I could care less. I know a lot of dirty stuff.

31:07 Adam It would be awesome if you broke into that in the middle of Full House.

31:10 Caller It would have been great. It would have been awesome. The Tourette's moment. They take Danny away. Jesse and Joey raise the kids for the next four years.

31:18 Caller Have mercy.

31:19 Caller I was pretty dirty. You're right there, sir. I was dirty.

31:24 Adam But isn't... I mean, that's just the point.

31:27 Caller That was the point of it. The joke is about lowering the bar for a reason because we're in a weird time right now. And it's about censorship, but it's kind of a bit... oddly enough, I find the thing to be... you know, it's a well-done documentary.

31:39 Adam Does anybody have... they had to run it in the Middle East, by the way.

31:44 Caller It'll stop all wars.

31:45 Adam Does anybody have any idea who the originator was of the joke or the origins of the joke?

31:52 Caller In the movie, there's this guy, Jay Marshall, who has a book on comedy, and he tells... he's the first person that kind of tells the joke in the movie. And it's pretty hilarious to hear an almost 90-year-old guy tell the joke.

32:03 Adam Oh, yeah. Wow.

32:04 Caller And it's funny, because Gary Owens from Laugh-In, the announcer, tells... he's in the movie, the documentary, The Aristocrats, but then he told Penn Gillette at the premiere that Jack Benny told him the joke. And there was another time where Johnny Carson was... Buddy Hackett on The Tonight Show once, they went to commercial. He told the joke over the commercial break. To the audience. To the audience. Then they come back from the commercial, and Buddy goes, Hey, we called The Aristocrats. And Carson's like pounding on the desk, is supposedly the story.

32:31 Drew So where did the guy that wrote the book suggest it came from?

32:34 Caller You know, he didn't say exactly where. It was a vaudeville thing. It was just, you know, there was no Lenny Bruce, it was pre-everything.

32:43 Drew Right, right, right.

32:43 Caller Pre-metazoic, I believe. It was the first caveman that thought...

32:46 Drew Was it always that filthy?

32:47 Caller Yeah, but I think it's gotten filthier. We're at a time right now where, you know, standards have gone...

32:52 Drew Trying to make a point, though.

32:53 Adam Yeah, yeah. Hey, James?

32:56 Caller Yeah, one more question. Does Robin Williams have a segment? Did he just clip in it or does he actually tell a version of it, too?

33:01 Caller He tells other jokes. He's pretty funny at it. And there's a thing he does at the end during the closing credits, which is really funny. And so he's in it a bunch. He was in front of the Golden Gate Bridge. It's interesting to see where some of these people are. Joe Franklin is like in his office in New York and he's like surrounded by all these artifacts of his entire life. It looks like.

33:20 Adam So they just came to wherever anyone was.

33:22 Caller It was like the silence of the lambs pit with books all over the place.

33:25 Drew Wow. Who's Joe Franklin?

33:27 Caller He's the guy in New York, the old dude that had his little cable show. New York guy.

33:31 Adam Yeah. You've seen him before. Well, look, here's the whole thing. He didn't know who Huel Hauser was on KBC or KCT out here for a million years. So he doesn't know who our local ver- that's Huel. He doesn't know who- Now, this is wonderful. He doesn't know who our local version of-

33:53 Drew But I get it, I get it.

33:54 Adam He is. So he's definitely not going to know who that guy is.

33:56 Caller Joe Frankl is kind of like the woman in Poltergeist combined with just the guy from New York.

34:00 Drew Nice.

34:01 Caller Poltergeist and Al Goldstein.

34:02 Drew Beautiful.

34:03 Adam From Screw Magazine.

34:04 Drew Yeah. All right.

34:07 Adam Let's talk to Chris who's 21. Chris.

34:11 Hey.

34:12 Adam What's up?

34:12 Not well, first of all, Adam and Drew, I'd like to just say you guys have completely helped my wife and I get through a pregnancy late at work. We listen to your show and I'm closing.

34:22 Drew Hi.

34:22 Adam Thanks.

34:23 Caller And also thank you for opening up the dialogue as far as what is going on and just saying some stuff that needs to be said.

34:31 Drew Well, what would we say?

34:32 Adam What would that be? You mean like Germany or Florida?

34:35 Caller Turtle biting you on the penis?

34:36 Caller Exactly.

34:38 Adam What do you mean? Give us an example of what you're talking about.

34:43 Caller We go on the political rants.

34:45 Adam Oh, the crazy ones about sterilizing people of color?

34:47 Drew Yes.

34:49 Caller Exactly.

34:50 Caller Okay.

34:51 Adam Well, right back at you, buddy.

34:52 Caller Go ahead. My question is how long after giving birth can me and my wife have sex and if it is an extended period of time, what can I do to pleasure her until then?

35:05 Drew Did she have an episiotomy?

35:07 Caller She only had a couple of skid marks. That was it. She didn't have an episiotomy.

35:11 Drew She didn't tear.

35:11 Caller No.

35:11 Drew She didn't tear.

35:12 Adam What's a skid mark?

35:13 We had a water birth.

35:14 Drew Something came out. Some soft swirls, you'd say.

35:16 Adam Oh, really?

35:17 Drew It happens usually.

35:18 Adam Usually. One more reason not to be there.

35:22 Drew Wow.

35:22 Adam I'm adding that to my lengthily list of reasons not to be there.

35:25 Drew Your Fred McMurray list? Your list of why I should be Fred McMurray?

35:28 Adam Well, I just think this... Hold on a second. All I'm saying is this started about the same time all that crap in the 70s started about guys being chicks and chicks being guys and us having to go through their experience and them having to experience our crap. We don't need to be there. I think there's a reason why we're not in that room, and I'm fine with it.

35:50 Caller You don't have any kids, right?

35:51 Adam No. But when I do...

35:52 Caller I was there.

35:53 Adam I ain't going to be there.

35:54 Caller We were a C-section, though. That was...

35:55 Drew You weren't... You weren't much help.

35:57 Adam I don't want to be there for that, either.

35:58 Caller No, I couldn't do nothing.

35:58 Drew You're not much help, and your wife ain't happy with you.

36:01 Caller She doesn't want you there, particularly. Mine was drugged from the waist down. That was during our love making.

36:06 Adam Here's the thing. I had hernia surgery. My wife wasn't there. You know what I mean?

36:11 Caller Did you have skid marks?

36:12 Adam It's a procedure. I think I may have, yeah. Whatever it is, drug them up, take them out, go do your thing.

36:19 Drew Grease them up and go.

36:20 Adam Grease them up and go. I'll be with the cigars.

36:22 Caller It's an amazing thing to witness, though. I think it's an amazing thing. You know, the yuppies get to cut the cord. They do that stuff. But that's almost like doing something at Disneyland, that you get to do the...

36:31 Drew Yeah, who cares? You know, it's like, ugh.

36:33 Adam Yeah, no, I just, I don't need to see that. Plus, I don't need to see that area looking, you know, like Beirut. You know what I mean? I like to think that it's pristine, you know?

36:42 Drew With a little pooh-pooh city.

36:44 Adam A little soft swirl, some placenta, a couple of cords hanging from stuff. I don't need to see it looking in that shape. You know what I mean? It's like...

36:51 Drew It's tough enough for you already.

36:52 Adam Well, where's the deal?

36:53 Drew And it's good, it's best shaped. It's pristine status.

36:56 Caller Well, you don't want to see stuff in normal childbirth that goes inside out. You know, it's the hydra, which you'd add. That's wrong.

37:03 Adam Here's my deal. If you saw what your hotel room looked like the night before when the guy was in there partying with the hookers, you would never go in.

37:11 Caller Infrared scanner.

37:11 Adam Let the maid go in there, let her clean it up, let her put the paper band on the toilet, let her put the thing, let her fold the toilet paper a certain way, put a mint on the pill, then I'll come in. If I saw what was going on the night before, I wouldn't want to go in the room the next day. That's the same thing with me. I don't want to see it in its bad shape.

37:27 Caller What if after childbirth someone puts a mint right there?

37:30 Adam I would like them to turn down my wife's vagina.

37:33 Caller You want to sanitize strip over for your protection.

37:35 Adam Turn it down. All right.

37:37 Caller People have probably, never mind. No one's ever turned on your wife's vagina.

37:41 Adam How dare you?

37:42 Caller Oh, damn it.

37:42 Drew I'm sorry.

37:43 Adam I said good day.

37:44 Drew Not to be obnoxious, Chris, but the way to pleasure your wife.

37:48 Adam Hold on. We were having a laugh and The Aristocrats, it brings us to mind. But I was laughing with somebody a few months back, and we're talking about on the show, which is the biggest insult you could say to someone 200 years ago was, I said good day. Think about that was you would have to duel if someone said good day. Especially if they said, I said good day, you'd have to break out the pistols right then and there. You wouldn't have to wait till now Sarah Silverman talking about things like that about your wife, things like that.

38:24 I said good day.

38:25 Drew Now, Chris, why you will pleasure her the most. I will tell you that after pregnancy, women are not usually interested in sex, both the result of the profound drop in their hormone levels. The previous what?

38:40 Caller It's the wife.

38:42 Drew Oh, hi. You're not you're not.

38:44 Adam She wants to.

38:45 Drew You want to.

38:46 Caller I do.

38:47 Drew Why don't you?

38:48 Caller No, I do.

38:49 Drew Why don't you?

38:50 Caller Well, it's only been a week and I've heard that, you know, there's issues with it and whatever. And it's still flowing down there and whatever.

38:57 Drew All right. So as soon as you feel charged. Oh, you're charged up.

39:02 Caller Well, there are other things you can do.

39:04 Drew Did you have a lot of sexual desire in the last part of pregnancy?

39:08 Caller Well, the whole time I always do.

39:11 Drew But you're always up. All right. Wow. What's wrong with you? Do you orgasm with oral sex?

39:16 Caller Yes.

39:17 Drew Okay. Well, why don't you get him to do that?

39:19 Caller I'm just wondering if it's safe.

39:20 Drew That's fine. No, yeah, it's fine. Look, it's usually even with a episiotomy, they only have you wait a couple of weeks. But here I would imagine Chris's wife, that what you want more than anything is him to help you with the baby and to.

39:31 Adam Oh, come on, Drew, leave her alone. She wants to have sex.

39:33 Drew That's fine. I'm just saying. I'm just saying.

39:35 Adam Put her down the road. I'm just saying. Here's the thing too. Tell me if I'm wrong here, Drew, but with the human body. If stuff like, it's like if you crash on a mountain bike, and you take a bad spill, but you stand up and you realize you're in one piece and nothing hurts, and you can walk, then you get back on the bike and start pedaling.

39:54 Drew That's it.

39:55 Adam I mean, your body will tell you. I mean, if the guy starts performing whatever on her, coitus or otherwise, the only exception- If something starts hurting, you have to stop. You don't feel anything.

40:04 Drew The exception thing if there are open wounds, if she had a cesarean section or a piece of the otomy, that kind of stuff, it's a different issue.

40:09 Adam But you would then also feel something.

40:12 Drew Not necessarily. You would rip it before. Anyway, but you'd wait a little while, and a couple of weeks, not a big deal.

40:18 Adam All right. But she didn't have anything.

40:19 Drew No.

40:21 Caller If I fall off a mountain bike and I'm hurt pretty bad, when I get up, I am ready for oral sex.

40:25 Adam Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You make a little soft swirl in your riding shorts. And Drew, what about bringing down the swelling by sitting on a sack of ice?

40:35 Drew Yeah, ice is good.

40:36 Adam Really? Vagin ice?

40:39 Drew Vagin ice, yeah.

40:40 Adam Okay. Well, take yourselves a little break. Drew, you just invented the world's worst sports rub. Bob Saget in studio tonight, The Aristocrats, name of the movie, out tomorrow.

40:53 Drew Bag of Vag.

40:55 Adam In a large release, and I don't even know what that means. And we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

41:02 Hello, this is your radio.

41:05 Love Line will be right back.

41:08 Drew The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration wants to remind you to designate before you celebrate. If you plan on drinking, always have a sober designated driver. Law enforcement is cracking down from coast to coast. You drink and drive, you lose.

41:48 Adam Yeah, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, the potty-mouthed Bob Saget in the studio tonight. The Aristocrats is the name of the movie, out many stars in it. We had Howie Mandel in here talking about that, but my dear, dear friend Sarah Silverman is also in that.

42:06 Drew She was on last week when you weren't here talking about it.

42:08 Adam Oh, that's right. Yeah. She is in that, and it's out tomorrow on Friday in full scale, large release.

42:18 Drew And your show Privilege on Broadway, is that going to continue? Is that coming?

42:20 Caller I would hope so, but I don't think so. We were wanting to bring it to LA., but it was a lot of different things that kept it, but I loved it. It was a great experience. It was a successful thing, and it was a good thing. I melted down every performance. That was just because I wasn't good enough.

42:35 Adam People ought to go see a show every once in a while.

42:37 Drew A play.

42:38 Adam Yeah.

42:39 Drew Absolutely.

42:39 Caller LA theater doesn't have what, it does actually. It has more than we realize. I'll go down to the taper now and then, and go to the Geffen and see shows.

42:46 Adam Yeah. People complain about it a lot, but on the other hand, it's not like when you go see a show in LA., you're the only guy sitting in the theater. They're packed.

42:54 Caller It'd be bad if you're the only one in there.

42:56 Adam It would be weird.

42:57 Caller That's like sad.

42:59 Adam Yeah. When I used to do sketch comedy, we had this over under thing when we're over at the Acme Theater. Well, back then, it was the Two Roads Theater. If there was more than four people in the crowd, we would do the show, but if there was less than four, we would not do the show. One night, it was just my grandparents, just the two of them, and we did the show anyway, and they didn't like it.

43:28 Caller Well, you're asking for a suggestion.

43:30 Adam Yeah.

43:30 Caller I like his suggestions. Talked about defecation for 40 minutes.

43:33 Drew They start yelling stuff out in the middle.

43:35 Adam No, they didn't. My grandfather's complaint was it was too loud, and my grandmother was a fan of a few bits in the show, none of which I was in.

43:47 Caller Of course.

43:48 Adam Yeah. Drew?

43:49 Yeah.

43:50 Adam That's you, Drew. Caller Drew, you're 21.

43:52 Caller Caller Drew.

43:53 Caller What's up?

43:54 Caller Alright, I got a bizarre story, kind of a long story.

43:58 I'm applying for student loans at school, and I'm out of money, so I know this millionaire, literally a millionaire. And I decide I go to him, and I don't really know him that well. And so I go to him, and I say, basically I'm gonna go to him and say, I need to borrow money from you, right? $14,000 loan, student loan. Anyway, go to his house, lives in Redlands. This happens tonight. And we start talking. And he says to me...

44:26 Today, Junior!

44:28 Adam Yeah, you're lucky we're all tired.

44:29 Drew He says, go ahead. I'm fascinated.

44:32 Okay, so he starts throwing out these statistics, right? About straight men. And he says that all of them really are heterosexual. Every man is really bisexual.

44:44 Adam Yeah. All right, listen, let's just skip ahead to the part where he's going to loan you the money, but he wants to give you a BJ.

44:49 No, see, that's not what happened. Nothing like that eventually happened, but I'm just curious.

44:54 Drew Yeah, it's going to, though. Why did he bring all this up, then?

44:58 Well, I just wanted to know...

44:59 Adam Why did you bring it up, more importantly?

45:01 Drew Why did he bring all this up to you?

45:03 That's what I'm curious about. Was he coming on to me?

45:06 Drew Yes. Of course he was.

45:07 Caller Was the check wrapped around his penis? Did it bounce?

45:12 Drew Listen, the fact is that that's just a load of crap. It's reasonable to say those things.

45:16 Adam Did he give you the money?

45:18 Well, I never asked for it because I was scared. I don't want to owe this guy. I don't want to have this guy. Good.

45:22 Drew Good instinct. But it's a worthy discussion. The fact is, again, this 70s crap, everyone's homosexual. They're born all cultured.

45:30 Adam You're just uptight.

45:31 Drew You're repressing. The reality is-

45:33 Adam You're really gay. That's why you fight against it so much.

45:36 Drew Now, we have functional MRI scans of men looking at gay imagery. Men have this very characteristic threat response in their brain that they're not even consciously aware of. It's a pure biological event that seems to be somehow biologically ingrained. I went in this one scanner and they showed me this picture. I had no problem. Look at the picture and bother me. I didn't experience anything.

45:59 Adam Gay erotica.

46:00 Drew And you look at your brain and your brain is going, no, just absolutely no. And then Adam, tell Bob the story about what we've been talking about in terms of how men respond to that, how straight men respond to it.

46:10 Adam Well, they respond like it's seeing their parents get it on. You know what I mean? You have to avert your gaze, pardon the pun. I mean, you have to put your hand up.

46:19 Drew Not that you feel bad about it, don't like it, or don't want anybody doing it, it's just like you have a reaction.

46:23 Adam It's like vivisection or something.

46:25 Drew So what the studies are going to be now is to look at what is going on in the homosexual brain that's different, that eliminates that response. And again, maybe it's something that developmentally occurs or whatnot, but the fact is, once a male is mature, heterosexual, no, no, no, there's no fluidity anymore.

46:41 Adam Yeah, the whole thing, here's the whole thing about the gay guys, there's two things they want to do. A, they want to get you high. You want to get high, you want to smoke out, you want to get high, you get high, you smoke out, you want to talk out, you want to get high. And then the other thing they want to explain to you is that we're all just gay. Here's the thing, you're already gay, I'm just going to liberate your anus. Your gayness. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, don't be uptight, you're not uptight.

47:05 Drew Are you uptight?

47:07 Adam What, do you got a problem with gays? Yeah. No, not one of them. It's like saying, what, are you racist? You don't want to be black? It's like, I can't. I can't do it.

47:17 Caller He's got a situation now where this guy is, he's kind of in debt to him.

47:20 Drew Well, he didn't take the money.

47:21 Caller Oh, you didn't.

47:22 Drew Very smart, very smart.

47:23 Adam Yeah.

47:23 Caller Then he has to stay away from him.

47:25 Adam I like to just, I want to just grant round everyone up from the 70s, start kicking them in the nuts.

47:29 Drew Yes, I'm with you.

47:29 Adam Lying retarded idiots selling us this crap.

47:32 Drew Here's the deal. Whenever people have an ideological point of view that they're trying to promote as a reason that they're making an argument, you do not listen to them.

47:41 Adam Yes.

47:41 Drew Do not listen. Just look at the facts, decide for yourself.

47:44 Adam Yes. You were all wrong, you idiot, left wing hippie retards. And the one thing you missed was the sun. That's the one thing that was bad for you. Not microwaves, not the man, not the hairspray. Nothing was bad except for the one goddamn thing you idiots missed. And that was the sun. And the reason you never brought that up is because the man didn't make it. So it had to be good. Pussies. Apologize. I demand it and I want it in writing. We'll take a quick break. Bob Saget here tonight. We'll be right back after this. Dr. Drew Bob Saget is in studio tonight. The Aristocrats is the name of his movie.

49:14 Drew Dr. Drew Bob Saget.

49:15 Adam Dr. Drew Bob Saget.

49:17 Caller It's hyphenated.

49:18 Adam It's nice. Out tomorrow and wide national release.

49:23 Drew Tomorrow is when it really goes out.

49:25 Caller That's what they tell me.

49:25 Adam Yeah. I think it was a New York, LA, Chicago thing or something like that, but it's spreading out tomorrow.

49:30 Caller It's getting spread.

49:31 Adam Ice Tea in here next week and Dave Matthews in here, which is exciting.

49:36 Drew I don't think he's ever done a show.

49:37 Adam Not since I've been here. Now, Dave Matthews drew the story with the tour bus and emptying the septic tank.

49:45 Caller Yeah.

49:45 Adam That's an awesome story.

49:47 Drew I don't know the story. You don't know that? No, no.

49:48 Adam Drew, how is it you avoid almost everything in life?

49:51 Drew I'm not interesting.

49:52 Caller It's celebrity trivia though. It's like celebrity bashing kind of stuff.

49:55 Adam But it was all over the news about a year and a half ago.

49:58 Drew What happened?

49:59 Adam Well, his tour bus was driving, I think through Chicago, driving over one of those bridges that goes over the river. Yeah. The guy in the tour bus decided this would be a pretty decent place to empty the septic tank.

50:11 Drew Oh boy.

50:11 Adam Because I'm sure otherwise it costs 185 bucks or something when you pull into the place and do it.

50:17 Drew Four hundred gallons of semen flew out.

50:19 Adam So we popped the septic tank. There was some fecal matter in there, but mostly semen. And God knows what else.

50:25 Caller Gallons, gallons of semen.

50:26 Adam Yeah. And at the time he was emptying it, there was a tour barge, a tour boat.

50:33 Drew Oh my God.

50:34 Adam Filled with tourists standing out, open, open.

50:37 Drew Oh my God.

50:39 Adam Like the ones that go up and down.

50:40 Drew How many got pregnant?

50:42 Caller There were a couple of semen on the boat.

50:44 Drew Truly.

50:45 Adam You know, like when you go to Paris and they do the thing, just sitting out in the open and they were all doused with this stuff.

50:52 Drew Oh my God.

50:53 Adam And to me, like I'm not one of these litigious guys and the old chick who burns her crotch with the coffee or something like, get over it sweetie. But getting the fecal matter dumped on you, I'd say it's good for a couple of grand.

51:04 Drew All right.

51:04 Adam You know what I mean?

51:05 Drew Yeah. Just as a case. Thank you.

51:07 Caller I rented a Gulfstream trailer once to take my kids. It was like seven years ago. I was newly divorced and grabbed my kids and we went to the Grand Canyon. I thought it'd be real fun. It's like an eight-hour drive in this thing that doesn't handle very well. They said that for five bucks, you can find a guy that will hook a hose up to your septic tank and will empty it. This is the guy you want to meet.

51:32 Adam Yeah.

51:32 Caller This is $5.

51:33 Adam Oh, let me close.

51:34 Caller I returned it full. It was just full with no propane, no water, and just full of fecal matter. No semen. I was with my kids. I can't cross those boundaries.

51:44 Drew He left that in the system.

51:45 Adam The guy who-

51:46 Caller I left that in the grand canyon.

51:47 Adam The septic tank guys, by the way, because all the years I used to work construction, they come in empty, the porta potty, the portasan, they come with the truck. Now, I think people think there's some hookup or something in the back. The thing that they know now, they unroll the hose, they drop the hose down the same hole you dropped the duke down. There's no, and if you picture one of the-

52:10 Caller This one was new though, it had a thing on the outside.

52:12 Adam Well, you had, this was an RV.

52:15 Drew But he means the portasan.

52:16 Adam I'm talking about the freestanding portasan.

52:19 Caller I'm sorry, I didn't follow your-

52:20 Adam That's all right. The point is, is if you look at one of those things, you don't see any spigots or hose bibs or anything on the outside. They just go and drop them right down the center there.

52:30 Drew That's a good time.

52:30 Caller It's like a slurpee maker.

52:31 Adam And then start pumping that stuff out of there, throw a few mints in there, wrap up the hose, and go to the next job site. That is a rough gig. But I thought to myself, do not F with this guy. You do not want to be the roommate who stiffed him on the first and last.

52:48 Drew He could leave you a nice present.

52:49 Adam You don't want to be the girlfriend that got busted cheating. This guy could come in, pop the wind wing open on your car, just slide it in there and just hit reverse on it, and just top it off. I mean, he just put in the sunroof for your car, and then just finish it with a trial, and put his initials in, like a sidewalk. I mean, literally, that's what he could do.

53:09 Caller I used to be afraid of a short order cook spitting in my food.

53:11 Drew No, no, no. This is a car full of poop.

53:14 Adam I mean, and that's the thing too, if you're going to do it, you go in through the sunroof.

53:18 Drew Yeah, I like the trial, it's a nice effect.

53:21 Adam You finish it off so it's a little heavy, but you screed it off. You just use like a four-foot level and screed it, then you use a sponge trial to bring the moisture up, and then you hit it with the steel trial to give it a nice smooth finish.

53:34 Caller Nice. I don't want to see that on Jackass. I don't want to see that anywhere.

53:39 Drew Well, Jackass is listening.

53:41 Adam It would be kind of cool though if you lived in the apartment building of the chick that had it done to her after this guy got pissed off when she cheated on him. You got up earlier and cheated and you just walked by her car in her parking spot.

53:52 Caller You could go through the air vents. You could just go through the moon roof.

53:55 Drew That's punk.

53:56 Caller In her apartment.

53:57 Adam Yeah, that's awesome. All right, I'm just saying do not f with that guy. By the way, that guy is more likely to do it than anyone else. It's not like he's an accountant or anything.

54:07 Drew Doing that. What's he got to lose? Nothing.

54:10 Caller If I walked out to my car and it was full of poo, first because I'm a little bit known, I would be like Ashton.

54:16 Drew Yeah.

54:16 Caller I just think that it was done to me. For your car with poo.

54:20 Adam Stephanie, you guys, by the way, have something in common with the Olsen Twins. Oh, yeah, how about that? Drew playing the father. You saw the movie.

54:27 Caller I did my 10 seconds in it.

54:29 Drew That's right. You were very good in that movie. Cinematic triumph.

54:32 Caller Do you like the acting?

54:33 Drew It's fine, yeah, it's fine.

54:34 Caller You were good in it.

54:35 Drew Thank you.

54:35 Caller You were more of a believable father than me.

54:36 Drew It was a real stretch. Doctor, father, multiple. It was a huge stretch for me.

54:42 Adam Stephanie?

54:43 Caller Yeah?

54:43 Adam 18?

54:44 Caller Yes, sir.

54:46 Caller My question is, well, I've been having sex with my boyfriend for nine months, right? Up until like a month ago, it's been like, well, it's always great, but it's been easy and everything like to insert it and get going with it, even if I'm well-liberated or not. Now, it's like it hurts because it feels like my vagina is getting smaller.

55:10 Drew Okay. Did you start the pill or something like that in the meantime?

55:13 Caller Yeah, like a month ago.

55:15 Drew Well, that can dry. That's it? Yeah, that's what's happening. It can dry out a little bit and make things a little different.

55:20 Caller Like even if I'm really like dripping wet.

55:25 Drew Thank you for the image, but it still can change things a little bit. The environment is now different. Sometimes it's just estrogen deficiency. What pill are you taking?

55:36 Caller Ortho Low.

55:37 Drew So you're on the Low Estrogen Pill and sometimes the lack of estrogen.

55:41 Adam Oh, really?

55:41 Drew Yeah, the high dose progesterone can.

55:43 Adam So maybe she adjusts the pill?

55:45 Drew You might want to just go on the regular ortho or maybe a triphasic pill. Possibly.

55:50 Caller Would a lot of estrogen make me fat, like make me gain a lot of weight?

55:54 Drew That's what people want to avoid and some women, yes, that can be an issue.

55:58 Adam Who's ortho? Is that the company that makes it?

56:00 Drew Yeah. It's a horrible name. Ortho MacNeil.

56:03 Adam Yeah. Sorry. Ortho is just crazy. A lot of drug companies have kooky names.

56:10 Drew It's guy's names but in those words, Glaxo Welcome, Glaxo MacNeil.

56:14 Adam Glaxo sounds like an emperor from a different galaxy. It's going to come down and try to take over. Glaxo, Lord Glaxo is here. Look out, we got to take him down. You know what I mean?

56:24 Drew Yeah, that's somewhat...

56:25 Adam Pfizer's weird because it's got the PF in there. And then Up John.

56:30 Drew Merck.

56:30 Adam Merck, what the hell's going on?

56:32 Drew It's people's names.

56:33 Caller Viagra, who, why would you call that Viagra? That's an odd name for a product.

56:36 Drew Well, the whole thing, the way that they come up with the names for these products, here is what people don't understand. All drugs have two names, right? They have a generic name and a trade name. Generic name, totally made up. Totally made up.

56:48 Caller Right.

56:48 Drew Usually with some acronym or some prefix or suffix or something that is consistent with the class of medicine.

56:56 Caller What's the generic name for Viagra?

56:59 Drew Sudanophil.

57:02 Adam Whatever.

57:02 Drew No one is going to call you on it. Then the trade name.

57:05 Adam Five stone listeners have any idea what you're talking about.

57:08 Drew Sudanophil. The trade name also completely made up, but highly tested and with power consonants in there. In the last five years, it's been Xs and Vs and Zs. Xanax and Vitor and Viagra.

57:22 Caller Aren't a lot of them tested in house by their people as well? I mean, a lot of these-

57:25 Drew Tested for the name?

57:26 Caller Tested for their authenticity a lot of times.

57:29 Drew No, no, no, no.

57:30 Caller They're done by all FDA, the crazy-

57:34 Drew Oh, so the procedure, the hundreds of millions of dollars to bring a drug from conception to the marketplace is hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars and it's done by multiple research centers at universities. But the drug company pays for it. Right. But it's done by independent.

57:50 Adam I know. Everyone thinks they should be free. Like everyone's PO'd, like this is medicine. We have a right to this stuff. Well, it costs this independent company millions of dollars to manufacture this thing.

58:03 Drew Hundreds and hundreds of millions of research.

58:05 Adam All the R&D and all the attorneys, by the way, you pussies love so much. These are the ones that are driving the price up. But look, the second it's free, that's the second they stop working on it, you idiots.

58:18 Caller Well, free is just samples through a doctor.

58:19 Drew No, no, he means as soon as a company can't make money off the products, they're not going to do the research.

58:23 Caller They discontinue it. I have a friend who had scleroderma, which is what I lost my sister to, and she was the head of the foundation. And at the time, there was this thing called relaxin, which was supposedly simulated the female hormone of pregnancy.

58:34 Adam So Ziggy Marley saw relaxin. It just sounds like it would be, yeah.

58:38 Caller But they were going to discontinue the drug, and she went to Chicago, like in the movie The Fugitive, and said, please don't do this or I'll go to the press. And they kept it going.

58:47 Drew There are multiple drugs that have been taken off the market because of attorneys and legal problems, and people suffer, and the companies can't bring them back. There's no way. It's impossible. That's why she was very courageous to get them to keep it. This is the thing. If drug companies can't make money for medication, they will stop doing research and we will not have drugs. That's it. It's a very simple equation. Why would they do it if there's not a business opportunity? It costs $800 million to bring a drug to market. If they're not going to recoup that, they're not going to do it.

59:15 Adam There's this feeling that certain companies are evil and other companies are cool. Well, drug companies are evil, but then package delivery companies are fine. FedEx, that's fine. But no, they're just companies that are trying to make money. If you start saying, FedEx should deliver for free or make no profit or we deserve parcels in a timely manner and we don't, it's a God-given right, then they go out of business. They're not evil. They're just company. They're trying to make money.

59:46 Caller FedEx should deliver free drugs. That's what they should do.

59:50 Adam I want to say one more thing as long as I'm railing and brought this up in a little while. But all you guys out there with all the problems, kiss the man's ass. AIDS, HIV, the man solved that problem. The man, all those drugs, all those drug companies, not your pussy herbalist, not the Chinaman, not that guy, not the wisdom of the Orient, not your faggity friends with your crappy teas and the hibiscus and the green teas. Anyone who drank that crap is dead. The man, the man came up with chemicals, chemicals. And they cured you and the AZT and they cured the AIDS and the HIV.

1:00:30 Caller Cancer's in remission.

1:00:31 Adam That's what they did. The man, kiss the man's ass. Stop railing against the man.

1:00:36 Drew I will never forget.

1:00:37 Adam And start kissing his ass.

1:00:38 Drew Spin magazine for that whole series about HIV not causing AIDS. Remember that?

1:00:42 Adam Of course. Everyone knows. It's just, here's the thing. I want these people held accountable.

1:00:46 Caller The man caused AIDS, right?

1:00:48 Adam Yeah, the man caused AIDS.

1:00:49 Drew So he could find some drugs to build, to whatever.

1:00:51 Adam Yeah, do me a favor, you left-wing pussies. Next time you come out, come out with HIV, don't take the man's poison. Go down to the herbalist. Talk to him. Get a little ginseng, rub that on you. Drink some green tea. We'll see how long you last.

1:01:05 Drew South Park did a great episode about that where Kenny gets kidney failure and he goes to the herbalist and he starts dying and they go like, we don't know what we're doing. We're not doctors. What are you talking about? They're like, what? You told us this stuff cures people.

1:01:17 Adam Yeah, all that stuff works if you don't actually have anything. The second you have something, then you have to start taking the drugs. When you have this phantom nonsense, because you got molested when you were nine and so you have these headaches that don't really exist or the back pain that doesn't exist or whatever, the chronic fatigue syndrome that doesn't exist. Because if it can be cured with a placebo, then you can cure it because you think the green tea makes you feel better so you drink it so you feel better because it's all in your head. But the second you come down with something that's actually diagnosable, then you have to take what the man gives you because your crap doesn't work.

1:01:51 Caller But there are some people that are so sick that the drugs don't work and then they turn to the Chinese medicine and the needles.

1:01:57 Adam Then they go to Mexico and they start getting enemas.

1:01:59 Drew Then they die.

1:02:00 Caller Then they die. By the way, you can go to Mexico and get enemas anyway.

1:02:03 Caller You can just do that.

1:02:04 Caller You can just drink tequila and get better.

1:02:06 Drew I was reading an article about this the other day that people have real trouble. The Egyptians doctors used to have three statements to their patients. They would say, I will treat this. I cannot treat this. I will struggle with this.

1:02:20 Adam Oh, really?

1:02:21 Drew Yeah. When American doctors say, I can't treat this, there's nothing more we can do.

1:02:25 Caller You're going to die. They tell you, too many doctors that I've been to and I lost my sister to this disease said, you're going to die.

1:02:31 Drew Well, you were supposed to do that. Yeah. Because you're going to. That's the fact. We know when it's going to happen.

1:02:35 Caller There's a nice way to do it.

1:02:37 Drew No, I mean-

1:02:37 Caller I'm afraid you're going to die is better.

1:02:40 Adam Yeah.

1:02:40 Caller A couple of words, a little lead in.

1:02:42 Adam Yeah.

1:02:43 Caller You have to do that.

1:02:43 Adam How about one of us is going to die?

1:02:46 Caller That's your hardest thing, isn't it?

1:02:48 Adam Drew, what if you-

1:02:48 Drew No, my hardest thing is when-

1:02:50 Adam When they don't pay.

1:02:51 Drew No. My hardest thing is when they fight against reality, whatever it is. Whatever is really going on, they don't want to believe it. And that's a hard thing because they're going to be in pain for it, and it's going to be miserable, and they're going to be-

1:03:04 Adam Also, there's too many of those crappy shows on Oxygen where they go, the doctor gave her six months. That was six years ago, and she's thriving today. We hear so many of those, the doctor gave me six months, the doctor gave me six months. And I don't really believe it half the time when the person said, the doctor looked at me and he said, you are going to not live to see your- I think that's what they hear. It's like when a chick hears the guy called me fat when really the guy said I like the other skirt on you better.

1:03:32 Drew What I'm sure they said is most cases don't last six months.

1:03:35 Adam Right, right. That's what they say.

1:03:36 Drew And I would begin to get your things in order. But if you'd like to try treatment, there are things we can do.

1:03:40 Adam Right.

1:03:41 Drew That's what you say.

1:03:42 Caller And you might make it seven months.

1:03:45 Drew And there are cases, reports, people make it three, five, but not more than five. Kind of thing. You'd say that.

1:03:50 Adam No, you got to be out. But then you got to get on the green tea.

1:03:54 Caller I have a dog with with prostate cancer right now. And I had nothing to do with it. Nobody is sorry. He had his spleen out like a month ago. Well, he had a spleen had a different kind of cancer. He's a sick King Charles. Lymphoma. Wow. Beautiful. But he's OK. The spleen area is all clean. It was inside the spleen only. But he's getting chemo. I got a dog getting chemo. And you love your dog.

1:04:18 Adam Yeah. But you don't feel like spending that kind of money on him.

1:04:20 Caller Well, it isn't the money. I know you know you bring it up.

1:04:23 Adam My dog got bit by a rattlesnake a week ago.

1:04:26 Caller I'm about to suck the poison out.

1:04:29 Adam She's she's good enough. She's good enough to go back to the hospital for something else. You know, here's the deal. My wife's a hypochondriac. The dog, if the dog naps for more than six hours, my wife gathers dog up and goes down to the bed. But she's ching ching.

1:04:43 Drew Hypochondria by proxy.

1:04:44 Adam Ching ching.

1:04:46 Drew Yeah. Munchausen by proxy.

1:04:47 Adam Munchausen by proxy syndrome. With dogs. The point is, That's very funny. The snake bite venom. Oh, she'll do it eventually when they have kids, I'm sure. The snake bite venom was like two grand. Then the two days in the ICU or whatever the hell the dog was, that was another like 2500 bucks. Yeah, we're going through that. Then the dog's going back again the other day. I've spent eight grand on the dog in less than a year.

1:05:14 Caller Yeah.

1:05:14 Adam I've spent that much on myself.

1:05:16 Caller I've done it in a couple of months. It's like $800 a chemo shot. I'm thinking of getting them.

1:05:21 Adam I know. They know they got you by the way of us. In the second I say to the wife, well, listen, the dog's fine. They'll ride it out. I constantly.

1:05:32 Caller Let them die with dignity.

1:05:32 Adam I have to explain to my wife, it's a dog, it's a dog, and then she covers the dog's ears. Don't you let Molly find out. She's like, dog's going to find out she's a dog.

1:05:43 Drew You love your dog. Your wife needs to have kids. I love my dog. Once you have kids, your dog becomes a dog.

1:05:48 Adam That's what I'm saying. The dog is a dog.

1:05:49 Caller Well, my kids, I have three daughters. They love this, a different one of them sleeps with them every night. I mean, they love this guy.

1:05:55 Drew So you got to keep it going for them.

1:05:56 Adam Eileen.

1:05:57 Caller She's a gay dog.

1:05:58 Adam Eileen, you're 12.

1:06:00 Caller Whoa.

1:06:02 Drew Eileen.

1:06:02 Adam Twelve.

1:06:03 Caller Hi.

1:06:04 Adam What's up?

1:06:05 Drew Are you really 12?

1:06:06 Caller Yeah. Wow.

1:06:08 Caller Well, I'm going to be 13 in October.

1:06:10 Drew Oh, well, it's totally different.

1:06:11 Caller All right.

1:06:13 Drew My kids are going to be out by 13 in November, so they're nowhere near her age.

1:06:16 Adam Yeah, they couldn't plan.

1:06:17 Caller Mine's November too. She's turning 13.

1:06:19 Adam Eileen, what's up?

1:06:21 Caller Well, I live with my dad for three days a week. When I live with him, he comes home kind of late at night, and he'll just go crazy, yell at me and sometimes...

1:06:37 Drew Who is staying with you while he's out?

1:06:41 Caller I just stay home with my little sister.

1:06:43 Drew Wow. Is he drunk when he comes home?

1:06:47 Caller No.

1:06:48 Adam Why is he yelling?

1:06:50 Caller He has an anger problem. He's always had it.

1:06:54 Adam Right. Well, he has an anger problem, but if he comes home and you're asleep, or he comes home and you're just watching TV, why is he yelling?

1:07:02 Caller He'll find something wrong. Like, if I did something wrong that day or before, he'll just get mad at me for it.

1:07:09 Adam Yeah.

1:07:09 Caller Or he'll purposely find something wrong to yell at me for.

1:07:12 Adam Right. But he probably... I mean, I'm sure the guy is a pain in the ass, but he probably comes home and says, did you do your homework? And you say, no. And then he starts screaming, right?

1:07:25 Caller No. Yeah, he does that too.

1:07:27 Adam Right.

1:07:28 Caller He does it for every little thing and he...

1:07:29 Adam Yeah.

1:07:30 Caller Yeah.

1:07:31 Adam All right. Well, here's the thing, Eileen. This is... It's unfortunate.

1:07:35 Drew Does he hit you?

1:07:36 Caller Yes.

1:07:37 Adam Oh, he does.

1:07:37 Drew Then you got to call Child Protective Services.

1:07:39 Adam Yeah.

1:07:39 Caller Yeah.

1:07:41 Caller Okay. I told my mom and stuff, and we went to court and everything.

1:07:47 Drew Wow.

1:07:47 Caller They still made me stay with him.

1:07:49 Drew Uh-oh. What's up with mom?

1:07:50 Adam That means mom's a mess.

1:07:52 Caller Well, she doesn't have any money, and she can't get a job.

1:07:56 Drew Is she a drug addict?

1:07:58 Caller No, but she used to do drugs before.

1:08:02 Adam All right. Yeah.

1:08:03 Drew That would make her a drug addict.

1:08:04 Adam Yeah. Whenever the court says, we're giving you back to a physically and verbally abusive dad, it means mom is a train wreck.

1:08:11 Drew Yeah.

1:08:11 Adam Which doesn't leave you a whole lot of choice. Is any other family members around?

1:08:17 Caller Just my sister.

1:08:19 Drew Right.

1:08:20 Adam Your younger sister.

1:08:21 Caller Yeah.

1:08:22 Adam Oh boy. So here's the thing. You're with your mom four days out of the week?

1:08:27 Caller Yeah.

1:08:29 Adam All right. So here are your choices. Okay. If the guy raises a hand to you, if his hand makes contact with you, you need to call Child Protective Services.

1:08:38 Drew Or the police just that night.

1:08:40 Adam Right. All right. That's number one.

1:08:43 Drew Your second plan is to lay low, stay under the radar, get great grades, and get the hell out of there.

1:08:48 Adam Because here's the thing. A bad parent is like just having a sentence in a bad prison, which is there's a guard who beats the crap out of everyone, there's an evil warden. Your job is to not have them notice you. Yes. Model prisoner. Just go to school, do your homework. If they tell you to put the tray back in the way, go do it. Whatever they tell you to do, just do it and then you start getting involved with activities at school that are outside the house, and I don't mean running around with the sharks and the, who else was in West Side Story?

1:09:27 Caller Yeah, just do the Jets.

1:09:28 Adam The Jets and the Sharks. I'm talking about cheerleading and Spanish club and stuff like that.

1:09:33 Caller When she's 18, is it clemency? What do you call it when you're emancipated from your parents? Do you have to do that legally?

1:09:43 Adam No, 18, you're gone. You get emancipated before then.

1:09:47 Caller Yeah, can she be like 13 or 14?

1:09:49 Drew She can be, but that's a tough road to go.

1:09:52 Adam So, Eileen.

1:09:53 Caller Yeah?

1:09:54 Adam All right, if he makes contact with you, he'll call the cops. Other than that, you're going to want to rebel, and rebelling is going to make him explode.

1:10:03 Drew Just stay under the radar.

1:10:05 Caller But I tried that before, yeah.

1:10:08 Drew Yeah, but it's your best bet.

1:10:09 Adam But listen, you got to understand, Eileen, this guy is a drill sergeant. You're a new recruit. Yes, sir. No, sir. Make the bed, polish the shoes. Let's start marching.

1:10:20 Drew So you can get your way out.

1:10:20 Adam That's it. I'm sorry. Ultimately-

1:10:22 Drew You're digging out with a spoon, and that's at school.

1:10:24 Adam It'll pay dividends. But just start hanging out at school, have your friends, and do that. It's sad, but you just have to go that way.

1:10:31 Drew Yep.

1:10:32 Adam That's it.

1:10:32 Drew That's it.

1:10:33 Adam Ultimately, I think what ends up happening is the kids get angry, and the kids are freaked out, and the kids end up agitating- They run away. They end up- Now, in their mind, dad says, did you do your homework? And they say yes, and he freaks out. The reality is, he asks they do the homework, they say none of your business, and the dad freaks out.

1:10:54 Caller I just can't believe they don't treasure having a child.

1:10:59 Adam Think about the pedestal they were put up on when they were children.

1:11:03 Caller Right. How persecuted they were, and how unhappy he is. He's doing it because he's miserable.

1:11:07 Adam Well, it's got to be, there are a few things you can judge yourself by. One of them is if your kids despise you. That's just a bad sign. Yeah. Whenever they do that thing, they're talking about Ted Williams, and they're like, he was a good guy, he was a bad guy, he was a great guy, he was a horrible guy. His kids hate him. When your kids hate you, that's to me, judge, jury, and executioner. It's all I need to know.

1:11:33 Caller I don't even imagine.

1:11:34 Drew It was sort of normal in adolescence, for there to be a certain amount of that.

1:11:36 Adam It's one thing if you have a 14-year-old who's rebelling and can't stand the new stepmom. It's another thing if your adult children just won't talk to you and hate your guts. It's all I need to know about you. Nature or nurture, you got three kids, that's three more people on the planet that despise you, you ain't a great guy.

1:11:55 Caller It just doesn't make sense because people do talk down to their kids too, like they're things. And instead of, I'm sure you do the same way with your kids.

1:12:02 Adam Oh yeah, he doesn't know their names.

1:12:04 Caller You don't know them at all, you number them. But I just go by their age. I went with my kids, I just talk to them like they're not as programmed as an adult, but my 12-year-old's smarter, they're all smarter than me.

1:12:17 Adam Oh yeah.

1:12:17 Caller I mean I revere my children.

1:12:19 Adam Yeah, that's a good thing.

1:12:21 Caller And this girl sounds really smart.

1:12:22 Drew Yes she does.

1:12:23 Caller She sounds really smart.

1:12:24 Adam I know.

1:12:25 Caller She'll have a good life when she gets through this.

1:12:26 Adam Hopefully if she gets it together. Unless she hooks up with an abusive guy, which is what happens a lot. Which is what she's going to be attracted to.

1:12:35 Caller Girls with not great fathers are the ones that are the most of.

1:12:39 Adam Yes.

1:12:39 Drew That's what they're attracted to.

1:12:40 Caller That's what you always looked for. Isn't that right Adam?

1:12:43 Adam I did, but I always found them during their sort of, they would be hypersexual and then they would be dormant. I would catch them during the dormant period. Same thing when I went to the zoo and would think I would see alligators thrashing around, it was always when they were sleeping.

1:12:57 Caller I had a weird thing happen at the zoo. I went there and a turtle jumped out of the water.

1:13:00 Adam It's your penis.

1:13:01 Caller He bit me on my penis. Wow. You know how they put their head all the way in their shell? Yeah. Ran around like on America's Funniest Show Videos with the turtle shell on my penis.

1:13:10 Caller Wow.

1:13:10 Caller It was crazy.

1:13:12 Drew Did you air it?

1:13:12 Caller I did air it. I aired it and I aired my penis afterward because it was covered with C-Funk.

1:13:18 Caller Oh, that's nice.

1:13:19 Drew What an image. I'm just delighted with that.

1:13:22 Adam Let's take ourselves a little break. Bob Saget, covered with C-Funk, name is the latest CD.

1:13:28 Drew No, my penis is covered with C-Funk.

1:13:30 Adam Penis covered with C-Funk, name is the latest book.

1:13:32 Caller I have penis, C-Funk, envy.

1:13:33 Adam We'll take a quick break, be right back after this.

1:13:39 Caller Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready.

1:13:44 Caller Loveline is brought to you by the American Legacy Foundation's Truth Campaign, truth promoting well-informed decisions since 1999.

1:14:14 Adam Yeah, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Bob Saget in studio tonight, The Aristocrats is the name of his new movie coming out tomorrow, the 19th.

1:14:28 Caller It's not really mine, no. I can't, I can't claim possession of this filthy, filthy thing. I am here. I'm of Loveline now.

1:14:34 Adam And I hear, by the way, one of the standouts in the film.

1:14:38 Drew Yes, everyone mentions that, every single person.

1:14:40 Adam Yeah. Part of it is probably the against type, and the other part is just doing a great job.

1:14:44 Drew Yeah.

1:14:45 Caller It's opposite day, but it's a dirty, dirty thing.

1:14:47 Caller Here's my language.

1:14:50 Adam Let's talk to endometriosis.

1:14:54 Drew Real quick.

1:14:55 Adam I'm tired of this.

1:14:56 Drew How about five?

1:14:57 Caller Five. What is it?

1:15:00 Drew It's an inspeciated lining of the endometrium going out into the abdominal cavity.

1:15:04 Caller Oh my.

1:15:05 Drew Yes, nice.

1:15:06 Caller That can't be good.

1:15:07 Drew It hurts.

1:15:08 Adam Corey?

1:15:10 Caller Hey, Adam.

1:15:12 Adam Hey, Corey. How are you doing? I thought you were starting. I thought we were going to do a cheer.

1:15:17 Drew Hey, Adam.

1:15:18 Adam Hey, Corey.

1:15:18 Drew Hey, Adam.

1:15:19 Adam Introduce yourself. Okay. Introduce yourself. Uh-huh. Here we come. My name is Adam. Okay. I bet you wonder where we've been. We're a team that can't be beat. You know what? What I do during the commercial break to Anderson is sacred.

1:15:37 Drew You got that one in the bathroom, I think.

1:15:39 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

1:15:40 Caller Okay.

1:15:42 Adam Hey, Corey. Hey, Adam. Hey, Corey. Introduce yourself.

1:15:47 Caller Uh-huh.

1:15:47 Adam Introduce yourself. Okay. Here we come. A truck in here.

1:15:52 Caller All right.

1:15:53 Adam All right.

1:15:54 Drew Corey, what's up?

1:15:55 Caller Ask boobs question, all right?

1:15:57 Adam A boobs question?

1:15:58 Drew Yeah. All right.

1:16:00 Caller A major, major sore nipple. You do.

1:16:06 Adam All right.

1:16:07 Drew Are you on medication?

1:16:09 Caller Clarinac.

1:16:11 Drew You think any like pepsid or anything like that? Tagamet?

1:16:15 Caller No.

1:16:16 Drew Clarinac shouldn't do that. Okay. Is there any discharge from the nipples?

1:16:22 Caller Not yet. No.

1:16:23 Drew Not yet. That's nice. Have they enlarged or is there swelling behind them?

1:16:26 Caller It looks like a little bit like puffy, kind of like they've hardened a little bit, but they-

1:16:32 Drew Yeah. Do you smoke a lot of pot?

1:16:34 Caller I've never smoked pot.

1:16:37 Adam Were you on a boogie board for an extended period of time?

1:16:40 Caller Nope.

1:16:41 Drew Do you remember those rafts we'd have to be on with a canvas that would just wear your skin off?

1:16:45 Adam Well, we didn't own any of those, but I did see the blue and yellow ones at the neighbor's house. Yes, if that's what you're talking about. Yeah. Ramps were considered too high-tech for the Corollas. Yeah. Oh, it holds air? Please.

1:17:00 Drew For the Rothschilds.

1:17:01 Adam Yes. Yeah, go ahead, Dad.

1:17:03 Drew All right, Corey. This is gynecomastia you're talking about, and it may be associated with milk production even sometimes called the galactoria, all those things when usually it's just the swelling and enlargement of the breast tissue that causes the irritation. The most common reason for that is medication, but there are some other conditions that can be associated with that. So you really do need to see a doctor about it.

1:17:25 Adam You know what's crazy is when we were growing up, there was one of everything. Like there was a raft.

1:17:33 Drew Oh, I see.

1:17:34 Adam There was a raft. There was that blue canvas raft with the weird yellow plastic stuff on it.

1:17:39 Drew The raft.

1:17:39 Adam That was the raft.

1:17:40 Drew Yeah.

1:17:40 Adam If you wanted the belly board, that was the zippy board.

1:17:43 Drew And that was the belly board.

1:17:44 Adam That was the belly board. If you wanted the game, that was operation. That was it. There was one channel, there was one raft, there's one everything. And there was like one commercial. Be like, oh, mama mia, that's a spicy meatball. Or I can't believe I ate the whole thing. Or whatever, that was it. That's the commercial. That can't happen anymore because there's a billion of everything. There's a billion cars, there's a billion commercials, there's a billion stations, there's a billion rafts. There's a billion everything. I don't know, see, you used to be able to just make a joke and if you said, where's the beef? Everyone knew what you were talking about.

1:18:16 Caller Right. That's a spicy meatball.

1:18:19 Adam Right.

1:18:19 Caller You can't do commercial parodies anyway.

1:18:21 Adam Right.

1:18:21 Drew Because there's too many.

1:18:22 Caller There's too many zillions.

1:18:24 Adam You can't really.

1:18:25 Caller You can do Anflac, I mean, whatever.

1:18:26 Drew Anflac. Yeah, probably the last of the generation.

1:18:30 Adam Yeah. Maybe the MasterCard one where it's like the priceless one about whatever, this, that, priceless. But there's a couple, but not really. But there's certainly not just one of everything. You get your choice. You want an and.

1:18:49 Drew Good and bad.

1:18:50 Adam No, it's just good and good.

1:18:52 Drew What's bad for comedy?

1:18:53 Adam What's bad for comedy, but it's good for rafters.

1:18:55 Caller Yeah. But there's a lot more television options, but it's not all great stuff. I mean, you can't.

1:19:01 Adam No, but.

1:19:02 Caller It's mostly not.

1:19:03 Adam But it's a pie that just keeps getting whacked up into smaller pieces. I was talking to my Discovery guys the other day, and they're like, oh, Miami Ink, our new show, it's doing great. We got the greatest ratings we had ever last week. We got a.42. It's like, not even one guy watched it? No, it's like, yeah, under, we're into the tens, we're getting into the hundreds now.

1:19:31 Drew What's up my show gets every week?

1:19:33 Adam Well, maybe it was a five, one, maybe it was a six or seven, but the point is, they were elated. It's something that wasn't even one.

1:19:44 Drew Yeah.

1:19:44 Caller I had a show that failed, that I was on CBS before Full House, and it got a 3.1 rating in the morning against the Today Show.

1:19:52 Drew Today, that would be it. Oh, yeah.

1:19:54 Caller You'd be a hero.

1:19:55 Drew Yeah.

1:19:55 Caller Or a sitcom, 28 share, and then they canceled it.

1:19:59 Drew Right.

1:20:00 Adam So nobody-

1:20:01 Caller Buzz and Buddy's had a 28 share when they took it off the air.

1:20:05 Adam Missed that one too.

1:20:06 Caller I was on there.

1:20:07 Adam Balky. Yeah. Used to watch that Friday Nights. He's got a huge career now. Friday Nights.

1:20:11 Caller I was on Buzz and Buddy's. I had sore nipples actually. No, I was- I know I was the-

1:20:15 Adam There was snapping turtles on his chin.

1:20:16 Caller I was the warm up guy on Buzz and Buddy.

1:20:17 Adam Oh, you were?

1:20:18 Caller Yeah. I was on the show once.

1:20:19 Drew We were on the Hollywood Squares with him.

1:20:21 Caller Do you remember that?

1:20:22 Adam With Balky?

1:20:22 Drew Was he sitting in the-

1:20:23 Adam Bronson?

1:20:24 Drew Chair next to us, yeah.

1:20:24 Adam Probably was.

1:20:26 Drew Talking about Russia and the crazy ass he was doing in Russia. Remember this?

1:20:30 Adam No. I don't remember that, but I was drawn.

1:20:32 Caller He went to Russia?

1:20:33 Drew Yeah.

1:20:34 Adam Michelle?

1:20:35 Yeah.

1:20:36 Adam You're 28?

1:20:37 Caller I am. Hi, guys.

1:20:38 Adam I think that was one of the full house names, by the way. Hello.

1:20:41 Caller It was.

1:20:42 Adam Michelle, go ahead. See, you ain't kidding about watching that show. Kids' names.

1:20:46 Caller Morality play for you.

1:20:47 Caller Go ahead.

1:20:49 Caller I was diagnosed with endometriosis when I was 19.

1:20:53 Drew Yes.

1:20:54 Caller And they performed the surgery to remove it.

1:20:58 Drew So you had a laparoscopy.

1:21:00 Caller No, they tried to go in that way, but they said something about there being a barrier behind my belly button at some point. And so they ended up having to open me up.

1:21:11 Drew All right.

1:21:11 Caller And I woke up three days later, and I had a drainage tube, I had a nose tube.

1:21:18 Drew Right, right, right. Okay.

1:21:19 Adam Is laparoscopy always going through the belly button, or does that just mean feeding it up something?

1:21:24 Drew No, a lap is in the abdomen.

1:21:27 Adam Always through the belly button, usually?

1:21:31 Drew Yes, that's what they call it. Well, yeah, yeah. Right, okay. It's a funny thing. It's just so much historical anachronism in medicine. If you have a laparotomy, it's usually a gynecologist going to the pelvis through the abdomen. If you have a celiotomy, it's a general surgeon opening up in the middle. Right. It's ridiculous.

1:21:48 Adam You're a real doctor or just a love doctor?

1:21:51 Drew Yeah.

1:21:52 Adam Go ahead, Michelle. When people sit there, they listen to Drew talk about this crap for two hours, and then the guests will say during the commercial, so you're a counselor, or you're a therapist. You haven't heard him just quote all the crazy Grecian stuff for the last two hours?

1:22:07 Caller Do you have a PhD?

1:22:09 Adam Yeah. It's like, should you counseling? Are you licensed? Did you get your doctorate? Michelle?

1:22:15 Caller Yeah.

1:22:15 Adam All right. So now what?

1:22:18 Caller Well, okay. That was when I was 19. I'm 28 now and I'm just wondering is endometriosis recurrent?

1:22:26 Drew Yes, it is recurrent and it is associated with fertility trouble in your 30s, generally speaking. Now it sounds like they did-

1:22:33 Caller Oh, in my 20s too.

1:22:35 Drew You've been having fertility problems?

1:22:37 Caller Oh, yeah. I've been with my husband for five years and we've not used anything for five years and I've never been pregnant.

1:22:44 Drew All right. Get to a fertility specialist and get going because you need to get on it. But really 33 is a cutoff for people that-

1:22:50 Adam Shouldn't her doctor have talked to her about this already? She's married and has this?

1:22:54 Drew What's going on with that, Michelle?

1:22:56 Caller Well, I don't have medical insurance right now.

1:22:59 Drew You shouldn't see anybody.

1:23:00 Caller I pretty much just go to the doctors for emergency tests.

1:23:06 Adam How about getting a gig where you get some insurance?

1:23:09 Caller I work for the post office actually but the position-

1:23:12 Drew Why did you get insurance?

1:23:13 Caller I don't have insurance. What? The position that I have-

1:23:16 Adam Private post office.

1:23:17 Drew Oh, I see.

1:23:18 Caller Transitional employee.

1:23:19 Drew You're a transitional employee.

1:23:20 Caller All right.

1:23:21 Adam Oh, I see.

1:23:22 Caller All right.

1:23:22 Caller Does Kaiser help people out?

1:23:23 Drew Yeah, Kaiser's good, sure.

1:23:24 Caller So she could go to Kaiser and talk to-

1:23:26 Drew Well, no, Kaiser's tough to get enrolled into these days. That's considered high-end insurance.

1:23:31 Caller I don't even know Kaiser out here.

1:23:32 Drew Right, right.

1:23:33 Caller Oh, I see.

1:23:34 Adam Worse name for business ever, the Permanente. When they added the Permanente part to Kaiser, that's like you're checking in but you're never leaving the hospital. Permanente is like, are you guys high? Permanente? It's a horrible name.

1:23:50 Drew Yeah.

1:23:51 Adam It's like the company that does the ratings for radios called Arbitron.

1:23:56 Drew Yes, that's right. Arbitrary.

1:23:58 Adam It's right in the name. You're supposed to keep statistical accounts of something, but arbitrary is right in your name. What? Are people high?

1:24:08 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:24:08 Adam Okay. I always wonder how this stuff even like, the part of life I'm interested is not the achievement, not the human achievement part. It's like when I'm driving down the freeway and I see one of those Pontiac Aztec vans goes by and it's the, looks like the car Homer invented in the Simpsons episode.

1:24:25 Caller There's new cars out there called Fuentes and Plantas and things that you never, they don't even look like a car. They're like all black bumper and there's less car.

1:24:34 Adam The Aztec looks like just a rolling steaming pile of Duke going down the road.

1:24:40 Drew It looks like Homer's invention.

1:24:41 Adam You look at this thing, you go to what's the ugliest thing.

1:24:43 Caller Lowering a tube of liquid excrement into it would be a redundant.

1:24:48 Drew Improvement. Improvement.

1:24:49 Caller It would be a double duty.

1:24:50 Adam They called an option.

1:24:51 Drew So to speak.

1:24:51 Adam They called an option. It really would be a step up aesthetically. So here's the thing.

1:24:59 Caller Do you want your window steamed?

1:25:01 Adam Yeah. So I always think to myself, now somebody drew this out, then somebody made it out of clay, then somebody made modifications to it.

1:25:09 Caller This is four years ago too because they got to get it done.

1:25:13 Adam R&D, they had to tool up the place.

1:25:15 Drew All you need to do. F-Troop, I Dream of Jeannie, Gilligan's Island. Somebody had to dream those up and execute the Hogan's Heroes. Thank you.

1:25:23 Adam Those were just bad ideas.

1:25:25 Drew The point is people convinced themselves that bad ideas are good.

1:25:28 Adam All right, but this existed in a model form for years before it was the first one rolled out.

1:25:34 Drew They looked at the pilot before they made the series.

1:25:36 Caller They should have stopped at Clay. They should have stopped at Clay. It should have been Clay.

1:25:40 Adam Right. That's the point. You see so much junk out there and you go, how did this get off the ground?

1:25:45 Caller Well, American cars. You look at what comes out of Detroit and it's depressing. They really should step it up.

1:25:51 Drew People believe their own ass. Right. They decide something's a good idea and they cannot be persuaded.

1:25:56 Caller There's no one outside of them to guru them.

1:25:58 Drew Nobody to go kick them in the ass.

1:26:00 Caller Chinese medicine people would help them.

1:26:01 Drew That's right.

1:26:02 Adam That's right. We need their herbalist. All right. We'll take ourselves a quick break. We'll be right back with Bob Saget after this.

1:26:10 Caller Hello.

1:26:12 Drew This is Loveline.

1:26:13 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:26:15 Caller Loveline will be right back.

1:26:16 Adam Ready for something new? Try Durex tingling condoms. There's sex, and then there's Durex.

1:26:42 Caller Yeah.

1:26:43 Adam We'll keep our fingers crossed, Bob. Bob Saget in studio tonight. Bob is a dear, dear, dear friend of the show.

1:26:53 Caller I love the show, actually. I think you guys are incredible.

1:26:56 Adam God, God.

1:26:57 Caller You're speed lunkers of relationships.

1:26:59 Drew God love you. Steve Igen?

1:27:01 Adam Yeah, it's i-gen.

1:27:02 Drew i-gen.

1:27:02 Adam All right, Drew. No personal business over the air.

1:27:05 Caller Yeah, you're getting a guy business.

1:27:06 Drew We'll give him the guy name on the air, it's fine. He'll be happy.

1:27:09 Caller Yeah, he's a builder.

1:27:10 Adam We will hop back to the phones and see if we can talk to as many people as we can before we got to break again. Steve? Yeah. You're 20?

1:27:21 Caller Hey, Adam.

1:27:23 Adam Corolla. Corolla. Okay.

1:27:24 Caller We're over.

1:27:25 Adam We're over now too.

1:27:27 Caller All right, Adam, Drew, you guys are both geniuses.

1:27:29 Caller The Bob Saget, you're awesome and half-baked.

1:27:32 Caller Thank you, man. I'm just trying to help the kids.

1:27:36 Caller Yeah.

1:27:36 Caller My question is for Drew.

1:27:38 Caller Regarding hyperhidrosis.

1:27:41 Drew On the hands?

1:27:42 Caller Is there a surgery?

1:27:44 Caller I heard a little bit about someone talking about it.

1:27:46 Drew I know somebody that had that surgery.

1:27:48 Caller Really?

1:27:48 Adam Thank you.

1:27:49 Drew Adam did.

1:27:50 Adam Yeah.

1:27:51 Caller Okay.

1:27:51 Adam Steve, where do you sweat?

1:27:54 Caller It's basically just my scalp.

1:27:57 Drew This is Adam's. This is Adam's.

1:27:59 Adam It's sweaty head.

1:28:00 Caller Yeah, I hate it.

1:28:02 Caller It's so annoying.

1:28:03 Adam I know. It sucks. I'm so tired of everyone. My head would just sweat. You had the surgery? The Baptist minister. Yeah.

1:28:10 Drew He used to have dripping down on the hot sides.

1:28:12 Adam It was hot in here, just dripping down my face. Everyone always does that thing where they go, it's healthy. Your body is. Shut the F up. Everyone thinks you're high on coke or nervous or shifty or whatever. Yeah. No, I would sweat like you would sweat maybe under your armpit. My armpit would be dry in my forehead.

1:28:32 Drew Sometimes it'd be like a comedy routine. You know, if somebody had put sprinklers under his forehead, just.

1:28:38 Caller Yeah, how do you do the surgery?

1:28:40 Adam I'll tell you how you do the surgery. They go in through your side little rib there and they do something to a nerve and it cuts it off.

1:28:48 Drew These ganglion up here, they just destroy them.

1:28:51 Caller And then they jump into the top of your head.

1:28:52 Adam Yeah.

1:28:53 Drew And so they block the sort of sympathetic response to the top of the head, and you start sweating everywhere else.

1:28:58 Caller Is that dangerous? Is that like using deodorant where you're killing your armpits?

1:29:01 Drew No.

1:29:03 Adam I don't know.

1:29:04 Drew And it's a big surgery. It's, you know, it's a-

1:29:05 Adam Geez. I don't, I don't, yeah, it was more than I bargained for, but I'm glad I did it.

1:29:09 Drew And the Adam had a story about the girl in the next booth, screaming and yelling.

1:29:14 Adam It's a chick who had it, who was next to me, who I couldn't figure out. I couldn't figure- It was like a 17-year-old chick who was hot and blonde and from Arizona and wanting to have this surgery. And I thought to myself, well, I used to sweat when I, you know, but it's 17, first off, hot females don't do a whole lot of sweating. But then I started, but from Arizona, I started concocting the stories about beauty pageants and her mom. And I had it all worked out in my head that this is basically John Bonet, you know, ten years later.

1:29:48 Caller Stress-related sweat?

1:29:49 Adam No, but she would go- She needed to perform. She would go out on stage and perform and her mom would see the sweat on her and said, we're going to take you to LA and get this procedure done.

1:29:58 Caller Her sash had been soaked.

1:30:00 Adam Point is, this chick was lying in the bed next to me, just screaming after the thing. My chest. I was like, yeah, I hurt too, baby, but I ain't broadcasting it. Stiff upper lip.

1:30:11 Caller Did they do the same thing to her under the arm?

1:30:14 Adam Yeah.

1:30:14 Caller There's only one way to do it then. What if you like your crotch sweats?

1:30:18 Drew Well, they have different procedure for the hands and different one for- but it's the hands and the face basically.

1:30:23 Adam So let me tell you a couple of things, Steve. A, they have this procedure. B, there's some topical crap now.

1:30:31 Drew XeracW, they've got.

1:30:32 Adam Yeah, but no, here's another one. This is internet crap, but here's the deal. I was getting makeup put on for- I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. And the makeup artist had this big bottle of stuff she said she just got from the store, the beauty supply store. She said it was developed by makeup artist, herbalist. No, it was developed by guys to put under prosthetics because these guys would have these prosthetics put on and obviously you're sweating under it, it would start getting loose and bubbling up and stuff. She said it works like a champ. So here's the thing, Steve, go on the internet, look for this stuff. It's just all that aluminum chloride stuff. Just go find this stuff and you just dab it on before you have a big date or big job interview or something like that.

1:31:16 Drew He has the scalp, not just the forehead.

1:31:18 Adam Top of your head?

1:31:20 Caller Yeah, it's my whole scalp. But I had a quick question for Drew about dry-saw. Is that safe to use on your scalp?

1:31:27 Drew I don't know what that is.

1:31:27 Caller What is it?

1:31:28 Adam Same thing. That's that stuff.

1:31:30 Caller I've had over-sweating on my armpits too.

1:31:31 Caller I used to have that but I don't have it anymore.

1:31:35 Drew These are all just the same bases.

1:31:36 Adam It's all the same stuff. Yeah, it's all the aluminum stuff.

1:31:40 Drew It's not the greatest thing to do for yourself, but it'll work.

1:31:42 Adam All right, all right.

1:31:44 Caller All right, thank you very much, guys.

1:31:45 Adam Yeah.

1:31:45 Caller All the best.

1:31:46 Adam Yeah. Or just get a job where they expect you to do some sweating.

1:31:50 Caller What if you're in cold? What if you wear like a meat cutter and you're in the refrigerator all the time? Isn't that a good thing to do then?

1:31:56 Adam Yeah, yeah.

1:31:57 Caller Work at Sea World?

1:31:59 Adam Get a job at a meat packing place. Yeah.

1:32:02 Drew Work in the North Sea.

1:32:03 Adam Yeah, get yourself a job at a Coast Guard cutter.

1:32:05 Caller Film the next Penguin movie, March of the Penguins 2.

1:32:07 Adam Yeah, get a job on a Russian icebreaker.

1:32:10 Drew Right.

1:32:11 Adam Yeah, come on. You get dealt lemons. You got to make them lemonade. Yeah.

1:32:16 Caller Hockey player.

1:32:17 Adam Sabrina?

1:32:19 Caller Yeah.

1:32:19 Adam 22?

1:32:21 Caller Yeah.

1:32:21 Drew What's up?

1:32:22 Adam What's up?

1:32:24 Caller My question was, is it abnormal after you have sex, you just feel disgusting? You just.

1:32:32 Drew Adam feels disgusted after he finishes masturbating, but not after sex.

1:32:35 Adam Never again, I swear. And then the clock moves one minute. I'm out of my cell phone. Never again is the proclamation. You see the clock move one.

1:32:46 Caller This is the bat.

1:32:48 Adam Just a small hand, just a big hand. All right. Yeah, no. Actually, they cut to a hummingbird. So it's like, never again, hummingbird, three count on a hummingbird, and then me backing myself.

1:33:02 Drew All right. I keep reminding you to actually show us what to do.

1:33:05 Adam All right. Sorry.

1:33:06 Drew Serena, that's not normal feeling. Well, what's that all about?

1:33:09 Caller What's that?

1:33:10 Drew That's not a normal feeling. It's not a healthy feeling. What's that all about?

1:33:14 Caller I don't know.

1:33:15 Drew Are you with somebody you care about?

1:33:17 Caller I was with a guy for five years.

1:33:19 Drew You like him?

1:33:20 Caller Well, yeah. I mean, we lived together and it ended fine because we both moved.

1:33:25 Drew How are you doing now? What's happening now?

1:33:28 Caller I'm not in a relationship now.

1:33:30 Drew But are you still having sex with people that you're not involved with?

1:33:33 Caller I pretty much stopped just because of that feeling.

1:33:36 Adam Are your parents religious?

1:33:38 Caller No.

1:33:39 Drew Were you sexually abused?

1:33:40 Caller No.

1:33:41 Adam All right. So nothing we need to know about?

1:33:44 Caller Nothing I know about.

1:33:47 Drew Then I would tend to blame that relationship. You need to find somebody you're really into and that feeling will magically go away.

1:33:52 Adam Quick question for Bob. Actually, we don't have time. Mandy?

1:33:56 Caller I feel dirty too.

1:33:57 Adam Sorry. We're out of time. You want to say hi to Bob?

1:34:00 Caller I'm like in love with you. You're my god.

1:34:03 Caller Oh, thank you. You don't have to go that far, but that's very sweet. I met a guy who has a website called Bob Saget has got and I met this guy and he got on his knees and started bowing to me. He said, I'm not worthy. I'm like, dude, get up at his eye.

1:34:16 Adam Wow.

1:34:17 Drew Adam, you shouldn't behave like that. It's weird.

1:34:19 Caller That's very sweet. That's very sweet of you.

1:34:21 Adam I wasn't bowing. I was getting on my knees.

1:34:23 Caller Why did you build that whole site? That was months of work.

1:34:26 Adam I serve my Lord. We'll take ourselves a quick break.

1:34:29 Drew Service, your Lord.

1:34:30 Adam Service, my Lord. We'll be right back after this.

1:34:33 Caller Alright, guys, here's the deal.

1:34:35 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:34:38 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:34:40 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:34:41 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:34:43 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:35:22 Drew Yeah!

1:35:23 Adam Chick talk going on during the break. I want to thank Bob.

1:35:26 Drew The great Bob Saget.

1:35:27 Adam The great Bob Saget.

1:35:28 Caller Thank you guys. You're great. I just worked here.

1:35:31 Adam The Aristocrats, everybody is out as we speak because it's technically Friday. I want to thank Rick for doing a great job engineering all week. Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Producer Lauren for doing a great job. Shave, there are only like 13 there. Producer Ann for doing a great job. Booking people like Dave Matthews coming on next week. Bob Saget, well, he's here now.

1:35:57 Caller You got to ask Dave Matthews about his septic tank.

1:35:59 Drew Oh, don't worry.

1:36:00 Adam I'm going to ask him all about that.

1:36:01 Caller It's going to be awesome.

1:36:02 Adam Okay. Engineer Anderson, who else am I missing?

1:36:04 Drew Now, Patricia.

1:36:05 Adam Patricia for doing a great job screening.

1:36:08 Drew Who's that? Marcus?

1:36:10 Adam Marcus for doing a great job wiping Drew's ass and Michelle. And until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:36:17 Caller Thank you for opening up the dialogue as far as what is going on and just saying some stuff that needs to be said.

1:36:23 Adam About sterilizing people of color?

1:36:25 Caller Yes, yes.

1:36:27 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:36:32 Adam The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, August 18, 2005