Episode 1000717134928

0:56 Voiceover The Love Line is meant for an adult audience. The Love Line may contain sexually-oriented content. Sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised. This is the Love Line.

1:17 Voiceover With Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:19 Adam Hey, Aaron. Hey, everybody.

1:21 He's the Love Line. He's goyum.

1:22 Adam Yeah.

1:23 That's why he's a goyum, you know? No, Drew is not Jew.

1:26 Adam Drew is half Jew.

1:27 Drew Is he?

1:27 Adam Half Jew, Drew.

1:28 Drew, are you there?

1:30 Drew Yeah, I'm here, you hear me?

1:31 What's up?

1:32 Adam That's Pauly Shore, Drew. He called you the goyim, and he probably, see, Pauly would probably think...

1:39 Well, I've seen him before with this whole crew, you know, his whole family. You guys don't seem that Jewish.

1:45 Drew I know, I don't see him that way. My wife is even more Jewish than I am. It turns out she came from a family. We found out there was a whole part of her mother's family that forsaked their heritage.

1:54 Forsaked.

1:55 Drew Wow. For some weird political region. So she's actually more Jewish than I am.

1:59 Adam Really?

2:00 Yeah.

2:01 Adam Yeah, she don't look it, but she acts it. I'll tell you what. Yeah, I'm action now. Dr. Drew is over there in Washington, DC tonight because he's addressing the House, the Senate, the Congress. Who are you talking to? Capitol Hill?

2:18 Drew Capitol Hill to address the interns, Capitol Hill interns.

2:23 Oh, what's going on with them?

2:25 Adam Talk about prestigious. A bunch of pimple-faced 19-year-olds.

2:28 So you flew out there for this particular reason?

2:30 Drew Yeah, it's very cool. It's really a lot of fun.

2:32 The interns in Washington, you're out there for?

2:36 Drew The ones that are working for all the senators and the White House and stuff, they come to this meeting and I get to talk to them and find out what's going on with them and get all the really crazy dirt that's going on in Washington.

2:45 So, you're in your hotel right now?

2:47 Drew No, no. I'm in a CBS radio studio.

2:50 So, it's late there?

2:52 Drew It's yeah, Pauly good.

2:54 Adam Pauly's here. Pauly's amazing.

2:56 I just came in from the East Coast.

2:57 Adam You did, so you know.

2:58 Yeah, I was there.

2:59 Adam Yeah, I think it's like two and a half hours now, almost three. Hey, Drew, let me get the show back on track, by the way.

3:05 Please.

3:06 Adam Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. All American Rejects are in here tomorrow night, Pauly Shore tonight. Mining the Store is the name of the show. It premieres this Sunday, the 17th, 10 o'clock on TBS. I'm going to watch because I'm into all this stuff. And I've been seeing the promos and they look pretty good too. And they've been really, they've been really, they're really behind it.

3:32 It's, it's, it's, let me tell you, it's a pleasure. It really is. It's, it's just because, you know, you, you, you know, you, you spend time, you work on something, and then, you know, at the end of the day, you hand it off to someone.

3:44 Adam Right.

3:45 And you don't know if they're going to wipe their butt with it.

3:47 Adam Yes.

3:47 You know what I mean? Or they're going to actually, like, put money in it. And TBS, I think, is at this place right now, in the, in where they're at, where they need to prove something. And they need to get, you know, I mean, they did the last Gilligan's Island.

3:58 Right.

3:59 That was their last show. And that, that wasn't that, you know what I mean?

4:01 Yeah.

4:02 That wasn't that good.

4:03 Adam You know, see, you know, I was having a interesting conversation with my agent, James Babydoll-Dixon, today about I'm, I'm doing a show that we're right at the halfway point, actually, of my show, which I'm doing for TLC. And here's the thing about these networks, because if you're used to doing network stuff, ABC, you know, CBS, or you're on one of these higher profile ones, like we were on MTV, Comedy Central, that kind of thing, that is like playing. It's what my agent said. Look, do you want to be all American at a double A school or do you want to ride the pine at Nebraska? Do you want to go to a big...

4:44 Caller Which one's the pine? I'm confused.

4:46 Drew Do you want...

4:47 Adam The bench.

4:47 Caller Yeah, but what station is that? MTV? Is that the pine?

4:50 Drew ABC.

4:51 Adam Yeah, you want to go over to network and get...

4:53 Caller What's TLC?

4:54 Adam TLC is the...

4:56 Caller That's the bench?

4:57 Adam That's the double A school.

4:58 Caller Oh, that's the double A school. Okay.

4:59 Adam I'm probably shouldn't use the sports analogy in front of Pauly, because he's a comedian. But here's the thing about comedians. They're either really into sports or they know nothing about sports. There's no comedian that sort of knows a little bit about sports, but not that much. But so here's my point. Better to be on a smaller network that's hungry. All right, here's an analogy you're gonna get. I would rather go to a prom where all the chicks were ugly and there was one chick who was like a six and she was just hungry, just excited to see fresh meat at that place, rather than go to a place where there's a whole bunch of babes and they all have an attitude.

5:38 Caller I'd rather go to the babe place. Oh really? Well, you're Pauly Shore, cash in. Exactly.

5:42 Adam You just say, hey wheeze.

5:45 Caller Slow down, slow down, I'll kill you. I'll stab you. Where's my black security guard? Oh, he's not here.

5:52 Adam You give him a little taste.

5:53 Caller Yeah, I give him a little taste. No, I start rubbing. I'm like the Charmin. You know, I start squeezing their arms, little chubby, little farm fat, you know, around their chubs.

6:01 Adam Yeah, no, that's my prom. I got the chubby chicks.

6:04 Caller I like the chubby chicks.

6:05 Adam You're my prom.

6:06 Caller You decide to go to the hot chick prom. But no, the hot girls, they have chubby too.

6:10 Adam Sometimes.

6:11 Caller Sometimes, like the little on the side of the back arm.

6:13 Adam It is nice once in a while when you see a hot chick because she has chubby arms.

6:16 Caller Yeah, and the little chubby hands.

6:18 Drew Pauly, don't you have issues this way? Aren't we sort of massaging some pathology here?

6:22 Adam What do you got, Pauly? Do you like that?

6:25 Caller Yeah, like what?

6:27 Adam Little meat on your bones?

6:28 Caller I like girls that are more, I think, hardier as opposed to skinnier.

6:32 Drew No compulsion that way, though, huh?

6:34 Caller Excuse me, like a chubby compulsion?

6:37 Drew I'm just saying. I heard rumors that there's compulsions in your TV show.

6:42 Caller Oh, really? Oh, on the TV show? Yeah, I see a sex therapist on my TV show.

6:46 Adam Oh, really?

6:47 Caller Yeah, I see it.

6:47 Adam What's going on?

6:48 Caller Dr. Pat Allen.

6:49 Adam What's going on?

6:50 Caller Well, just because, you know, I've been wanting to, you know, at some point, hopefully, you know, find a girl that, you know, maybe become, you know, a marriageable, a woman. You know, I'm sick of, like, you know, rolling into my Christmas party with just me and my friend.

7:04 Adam Right.

7:04 Caller You know, rather rolling, like, with, you know, a girlfriend, and maybe she's pregnant, a wife, you know, stuff like that. So I'm seeing the sex therapist right now to try and get me, you know, focused so when I do find that marriageable girl, I don't screw it up, you know.

7:16 Drew When you're really ready to deal with your sexual addictions, you let me know, Pauly.

7:19 Adam Yeah.

7:20 Caller Yes.

7:20 Drew You let me know. What's, uh, what is, what is... Like individual therapy. It's not done in an individual setting.

7:26 Adam How do you do it? How do you do it?

7:27 Caller But it's entertaining for my show, though.

7:30 Adam How do you, how do you do it, Drew? You don't do it one on one?

7:33 Caller You do it in a group. What's up with, what's up with the Sierra Tucson out there? Isn't that, like, all the things?

7:38 Drew Well, and yeah, it's a good one. There's another one. See, Patrick Carnes moved, Sierra Tucson's good. He moved from the Meadows in Tucson to another place. And I think it's like Mrs. Sickle.

7:47 Adam What are you two guys even talking about?

7:48 Caller We're talking about the Meadows and the period.

7:50 Adam But, but, Pauly, have you ever been addicted to anything? Were you ever in drugs or?

7:55 Caller Not really.

7:56 Adam Or anything?

7:57 Caller No, no, no, no.

7:58 Adam And, and do you, I remember once, Pauly, Drew, quiet down, let me talk for a second.

8:02 Caller No, he's gonna probably talk about one time you try to urinate on him or something.

8:06 Drew No, you came in here, you had a bunch of pictures of one of your cost country debaucherous experiences.

8:10 Caller Yeah, but that was a 21 year old weasel having a good time on the road.

8:13 Drew Tours of duty, man.

8:15 Caller Yeah, well that's it, going in for the kill.

8:17 Adam Well, let me, let me ask you, do you think, do you think you're nutty or neurotic? I mean, do you, seriously, if you thought, like, look, if I met the right girl tomorrow, we could date for six months and get married.

8:26 Caller Definitely, definitely, yeah, for sure, definitely.

8:28 Adam Which one?

8:29 Caller I think that I could settle down, for sure.

8:31 Adam Oh, okay, you're fine. You don't feel, you don't feel crazy or weird or anything.

8:34 Caller No, I just picked the wrong girls, that's all.

8:36 Adam Right. Well, you're going after the, you know.

8:39 Caller It's also, you know, I don't want to say LA is tough, but it is kind of weird out here, you know what I mean? I mean, you're married, correct?

8:44 Adam Yes.

8:44 Caller And how long you been with your wife?

8:46 Adam Well, been married for almost three years.

8:48 Caller And where did you meet her?

8:50 Adam I met her at one of Jimmy's, Jimmy was doing some sports guy thing or something, I showed up.

8:57 Drew Tower Records, right?

8:58 Adam No.

8:59 Caller What did she do for a living?

9:00 Adam Nothing now. She didn't do it. She was not in entertainment.

9:02 Caller What does she do for a living now, though?

9:04 Adam Nothing.

9:04 Caller So do you like that? Does that turn you on mentally?

9:06 Adam No.

9:07 Caller Exactly. So get divorced.

9:09 Adam OK. I need a note. I need a note.

9:11 Drew How dare you? But but all I'm saying is, but don't you all you guys, when you have kids, the world will they will all be different. I swear to God, you'll be so grateful.

9:20 Caller We don't know anything.

9:21 Drew You will be so goddamn grateful that you have a a good person that you love back at home dedicating yourself.

9:30 Adam Drew, I hope you're talking about your nanny. You can't you can't mean your wife.

9:34 Caller She's she's stirring the mole, right?

9:37 Drew All right.

9:37 Adam Come on, Drew, stop kissing your wife's ass. Pauly, what were you saying? Pauly was making a valid point.

9:42 Caller Then you jumped in with a no, I was just I was saying, just mentally, are you stimulated with your conversations with your wife? I mean, are you like, do you share stuff for the and you generally feel she's excited about what you have to say and vice versa? Like what she talks about her day, are you like it's about the dog?

9:59 Adam Yeah, we talk about the dog.

10:00 Caller No, but are you nodding off about stuff or are you like generally interested in her?

10:05 Adam Yeah, we talk about things, you know, I'm done talking by the time I get home, by the way, and here's the thing, like, you know, But your friendship, I mean, do you guys have a great friendship, is my question. I don't know about great, but I don't want to ask my great friend, you know what I mean?

10:18 Caller Yeah, yeah.

10:19 Adam I don't want to get too friendly with the old lady.

10:21 Caller You don't want to get too friendly with her.

10:22 Adam It's weird. But you know what?

10:23 Caller I don't know, I mean, I guess I'm the wrong person to ask.

10:25 Adam You know what, here's the deal with me really is, is I talk all day, and then I come here and talk at night.

10:32 Caller And you don't want to talk, right?

10:33 Adam Yeah, it's like the guy who works at the ice cream parlor and it's like he comes home, he wants some ice cream for dessert? No, I'm sick of looking at it. My feeling is, is I'll talk, but I need to get paid. She gives me like 20 bucks a dollar.

10:44 Caller Does she make you laugh?

10:46 Adam When she does stupid stuff, yeah.

10:47 Caller So that's cool. So you guys are giggling together.

10:50 Adam I don't mean makes me laugh. I mean, makes me laugh when she steps on a rake and hits her face.

10:54 Caller Yeah, she hurts herself. Yeah, she stubs her toe.

10:56 Adam Yeah, yeah, that kind of stuff.

10:57 Caller Stuff like that, pain.

10:58 Adam Pain, right.

10:59 Caller What keeps slapping in the background?

11:01 Adam I don't know.

11:01 Caller What is that?

11:02 Adam Nobody else here said that, but you.

11:03 Caller Okay.

11:04 Adam Mallory?

11:05 Hi.

11:06 Adam You're 16?

11:07 Caller Yes, I am.

11:09 Adam What's up?

11:10 Caller My boyfriend, we've been dating for like four or five months now, but he has a like kind of curved, crooked kind of penis and I don't know.

11:19 Caller Scoliosis of the penis. What? Scoliosis, it's from pulling it to the right. Does it go to the right or the left?

11:25 Drew It's Peyroni's syndrome.

11:27 Caller I'm in Peyroni's syndrome, scoliosis of the.

11:30 Caller No, it's like curved down.

11:32 Caller So it goes down, down, down to the ring of fire.

11:36 Caller Like whenever he's erect it like kind of curves down a little bit and like whenever he's erect it doesn't come up like it like everyone else's does.

11:44 Drew Yeah, does that hurt? Does it hurt you when you're having sex?

11:46 Caller We haven't had sex. I'm scared to because.

11:49 Caller How much does it curve? Is it a slight curve or is it a pretty hardcore curve?

11:55 Caller It's pretty bad because I've given like oral sex. I've given him oral sex and it's kind of felt weird.

12:05 Caller Yeah.

12:05 Adam Well, that's rough.

12:07 Caller Can't you straighten it?

12:08 Caller I don't know.

12:09 Caller Dr. Drew, can't you like put a popsicle stick on it and put some string around it and like put some cement?

12:14 Adam How about a hot comb like the blacks do with their hair?

12:19 Drew Here's the deal. Sometimes these are sort of acquired processes that respond to vitamin E. He could take like 800 units of vitamin E a day.

12:26 Adam Oh, please. That's a big zero.

12:29 Drew It doesn't work for you.

12:30 Caller You're saying if you take vitamin E, your penis is going to become straight, you're saying?

12:34 Adam No way.

12:34 Drew It helps.

12:35 Adam No, it does not.

12:36 Drew It gets pulled down by a scar, a plaque on the base of the penis.

12:38 Caller So why is this penis crooked? Is that a genetic thing?

12:42 Drew It can be genetic and it can be acquired from traumatizing and excessive sort of action and direction.

12:46 Caller Like pulling it and stuff.

12:47 Yeah.

12:48 Drew And so there is an operation to correct it if it's painful with intercourse, but it may not be painful.

12:53 Caller I mean, it might actually be great. It might hit your clitoris in a really interesting place.

12:58 Drew Right. You don't know, but there are people who do the repair. Wait a minute. I'm on TV tonight doing a penile surgery. It'll 12 o'clock.

13:06 Adam You see how it all comes together? Hey Drew, isn't the vagina, doesn't it go that direction anyway once you get in there?

13:15 Drew It kind of does. And I always thought that the downward curve would be the least uncomfortable. But if you remember when Dr. Alter was in there, the guy that does these repairs, he said that the downward actually causes a lot of discomfort. So I still corrected on that one. All right.

13:27 Adam So here's the thing. Mallory, if he's not in any pain, you shouldn't be freaked out about his penis because you're going to freak him out about his penis.

13:37 Caller Right.

13:38 Adam All right. And say hello to Skippy for us. Little reference is that. Mallory, Skippy.

13:46 Caller Oh, that's family ties.

13:48 Adam Family ties. Yeah. Yeah.

13:49 Caller See, we're like the same.

13:51 Adam Yeah. We're simpatic.

13:52 Yeah.

13:54 Caller Is she so so we handle her problem? She's good.

13:57 Adam She's got to get over it.

13:57 Caller I just think that it's like, you know what I mean? It's like probably dating someone that's handicapped.

14:02 Adam Right.

14:02 Caller I mean, you're not. It's like if you're going to look at the person differently, you know, because, you know, is he's got a club foot or something.

14:09 Adam Right.

14:09 Caller Then don't. You know what I mean? If you're going to stare at his club foot, I mean, if he's got a big heart and you love him, then you should stay with them.

14:15 Adam Right.

14:15 Drew They just don't. They don't even know if they have a problem yet. So we'll see.

14:19 Adam Right.

14:20 Caller Plus, she should try to have sex and then make the decision.

14:23 Adam Right.

14:23 Caller Because it might be great.

14:24 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Well, here's the thing. Sixteen year old women are a little bit freaked out. Just about anything over a normal penis. And that's probably good.

14:33 Caller Right.

14:34 Adam So maybe maybe she should just take it slow. George?

14:38 Caller Yes.

14:39 Adam You're 24?

14:40 Caller Yes.

14:42 Adam Yeah. You're in the military and you spend a thousand bucks a week on escorts?

14:48 Caller Well, not every week, but the last week, I spent a thousand dollars.

14:54 Adam For a military guy, that seems a little light. I think you'd be more in the 15 to 2000.

14:58 Caller I think the government should be supplying our military with escorts. Well, I mean, with all that, you know, the money that we're spending overseas.

15:05 Adam Yeah.

15:06 Caller I mean, I just went on a promo tour.

15:07 Adam Right.

15:08 Caller OK. Like I was in my hotel locked in there for three weeks. I didn't get I didn't I didn't get laid.

15:14 Adam Really?

15:14 Caller Yeah, I didn't get it was like the first time in a long time that I haven't. I haven't gotten laid in that long of a period of time. And I told the people at, you know, TBS, it's like, you know, you should supply that for me in my room. They don't know they didn't they didn't do that. You should talk to TLC. Oh, no, it's it's in my it's a I have a rider because you don't have time to go out and meet girls.

15:33 Adam Well, that's what I said.

15:34 Caller That's yeah, because you're locked in. You're going from the car to the interviews. But dinner, but back to the thing. Wake up. You fly. You don't have time.

15:40 Adam No, I know. It's why it's it's stipulated in my contract. You should have.

15:44 Caller You should. I blew it. Hopefully, if we get picked up for a second season, they should definitely have, you know, like an escort type situation, you know, in the room, just someone to massage you, rub you, you know.

15:53 Adam They don't realize as a performer, all you have is your confidence.

15:57 Caller Right. And if if your penis isn't taking care of, we can't really concentrate.

16:02 Adam When we interview, we have we have two hours to kill. Drew, we're not going anywhere.

16:06 Drew You say he's spending a thousand bucks a week or something.

16:08 Adam He said that was the last week. And here's the deal. We do our government and does get the military prostitutes by sending them to Bangkok and Saigon and places where it cost eight bucks for a hand job.

16:20 Caller Right. Where are you? Where are you located?

16:22 Adam Where are you going to be?

16:23 Caller You're where?

16:24 Caller Washington State.

16:26 Caller Well, Drew, you're right there. Hook them up. Well, it's close by. Isn't it? Or is it on the other side of the country?

16:34 Adam I think I found someone who knows less about geography than I do. And that is not easy because I got to find like a nine-year-old in a hockey helmet. They know more than I do.

16:46 Drew I know. Special Ed knows more.

16:47 Adam Yes.

16:48 Drew All right. So, George. Pauly, you got to listen to this. You got to listen because you've got this problem too evidently. At least you allege on the television show that you do. And that is that if indeed you have a family history of alcoholism or you were sexually abused growing up, that is sort of a recipe for sexual addiction and compulsions. It's not exclusively that. Sometimes people get into trouble even when they don't have that sort of heritage in their background. And the hallmark is ongoing behavior, ongoing sexual compulsions in spite of adverse consequence. And the kind of feeling state you get into is intense shame. And as that shame emerges, you desire to use or abuse people or sex becomes even more intense. I think I...

17:26 Caller All right.

17:27 Drew Just treat it a 12-step.

17:29 Caller Yeah, I think exactly. That's what I... Because that's what I did when I was on the road, is I just said, you know what, it's not going to happen. And my choice was that it wasn't going to happen. So what's your name again? George. George, you should just be like, go cold turkey. You know, just be like...

17:43 Drew Pauly, if you can do it cold turkey, then you're more of a compulsive. If you can't do it, then you're an addict. And if you're an addict, you really need to look into some 12-step.

17:50 Caller So then I'm not an addict if I didn't do it.

17:53 Adam You're a compulsive.

17:54 Caller I'm compulsive. So George, what do you think? You're compulsive or you're an addict?

17:59 Caller I don't really know. I always thought I had control of it because I did it because I was constantly moving and I didn't want to have a relationship. And I'm about to get out and go to college. And I've been trying to stop. But when I have the money, it's like, why not?

18:14 Adam How much? How much are you spending? I mean, what are you doing? You're getting you're doing intercourse. You're getting oral sex.

18:20 Caller He does everything.

18:22 Adam Everything. And how much does it cost?

18:24 Caller How much are you spending?

18:25 Caller Anywhere from three hundred to two hundred. A pop.

18:29 Caller That's not too expensive.

18:30 Adam No. You know why? This is why I'm worried.

18:33 Caller So but it's in it's in Washington, upstate, right?

18:35 Adam Yeah. My favorite show is Hookers on the Brink because they mic up those hookers and they're in that horrible neighborhood in like Washington. And then the guy pulls up in the beat up car and she like hops in. She's like, Hey, Sugar, what you need? And he's like, how about a blow job? And she's like, OK, sugar, that'll be twenty dollars. And the guy's like, bitch, you gotta do better than that. And I was like, I don't want to say anything because my wife's in there, but I'm like, twenty bucks for a DJ?

19:05 Caller That's fantastic.

19:06 Adam I get a crappy lap dance for that. And this guy's complaining. This guy's the guy's insulted that she wanted twenty bucks. Like, who am I? The Sultan of Brunei. Twenty dollars for a BJ? Please. Like, what's he fantasizing about? Like, nine dollars or four dollars or?

19:22 Caller What's a better deal?

19:23 Adam What's a better deal? You give a guy, the guy gives you a ride to the airport, you flip him 20 bucks and barely a hand job do you get from him. Yes. I said that in a Jewish way. Do you know what I'm saying?

19:33 Caller So maybe you should maybe you should go visit that street that Adam's talking about.

19:37 Adam Yeah.

19:37 Caller Twenty dollars and it's not that bad. And you're not, I don't think, are you more, you more pissed off at the end because you lost the money or you weren't more bummed out at the end just because right after you orgasm you're like oh man I'm such a loser. Is it the money or is it the you know what I mean?

19:51 Drew The shame.

19:52 Caller It's the money.

19:53 Caller It's the money?

19:54 Caller It's the money. I mean I'm.

19:56 Drew It's the consequences.

19:57 Caller It's the consequences of it. Alright. I mean so. Very picky. Like the girls are very very good looking.

20:03 Caller Hey hey Drew isn't there a you know don't you at this point in the conversation just give them the phone number and then you hang up?

20:09 Adam Yeah. No I just hang up.

20:10 Drew Look at the SA locally. It's sexual addicts. Anonymous sexual holics. Yeah yeah. It's 12 step there. A lot of people like you there. You'll find a lot of support and a lot of stories similar to yours. Go check it out.

20:20 Adam Yeah.

20:21 Caller Yeah he definitely.

20:22 Adam Or you could go to CA and pick up some world class tale.

20:26 Caller What's CA.?

20:27 Adam Cocaine Anonymous.

20:28 Caller Why is that?

20:29 Adam All I know is.

20:29 Caller Because the girls are really funny.

20:30 Adam My buddies used to go to the like West Hollywood Cocaine Anonymous meeting. And it's just nothing but hot chicks.

20:38 Caller Oh I'm sure.

20:39 Adam Picture Los Angeles, West Side Cocaine.

20:41 Caller Yeah all these girls there.

20:42 Adam A bunch of hot 25 year olds trying to clean themselves up.

20:44 Caller Yeah.

20:45 Adam Oh yeah that's where you need to go.

20:48 Caller Yeah.

20:48 Adam Kenneth.

20:49 Caller Maybe we'll go there from here.

20:50 Adam All right. Yeah I think they have like a 1 a.m. one. Kenneth. Yes. Yeah you're 22.

20:55 Caller Yes sir.

20:56 Caller And what's the dealio?

20:56 Adam What's up?

20:58 Caller The question, my question is, while I've been in the, the relationship that I'm in right now, I've been in it for about four years. And over the last two, during ornate course, I've been able to tell that it just, it hasn't been there.

21:09 Caller The last two years it's been bad.

21:12 Caller Right. And last night, for the first time, like when we were having intercourse, like she just looks at me and she says that, I've been holding this from you, but the only time, the only way that I can like have an orgasm is of thinking of you as my father who molested me. So, she rebuilt me last night.

21:28 Caller I think I know that girl.

21:31 Adam Yeah, like every porn star Pauly boinked in the 90s.

21:36 Caller Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

21:38 Caller Kenneth? Yes?

21:40 Adam So, alright, I don't know why she would share this with you.

21:45 Caller So she likes that.

21:47 Caller That's the reason that I'm calling y'all.

21:49 Caller What does she do for a living, this girl?

21:52 Caller She works at a video store. Not a news video store, like Bot Booster.

21:58 Caller Okay. So that's kind of creepy, Drew. What do you think?

22:01 Drew Well, that's sort of common with people that have been sexually abused. And I bet this guy is all tatted up and stuff and sort of looks like a bad guy. So it makes her feel like she can be sexual, not only with, you know, cause that's part of herself. She's sort of perceived as a bad.

22:13 Adam Kenneth sounds squirrely or than bad. Are you a bad boy or are you kind of squirrely?

22:18 Caller I'm not a bad boy.

22:20 Adam All right.

22:20 Drew No tats or piercings?

22:22 Caller I mean, like, I was seeing of like, if y'all advice would be like to get counseling or something for that. I mean, is it?

22:30 Drew Of course, that's what it would be for her. But that is the only way she can be sexual, probably if she was that badly sexual abuse growing up.

22:35 Adam All right. Let me let me just let me wrap this up, Drew. Here's the bottom line. Kenneth, you are in way over your head with this chick. Yes. Yeah. She was abused, sexually abused by her father. I don't want to call her damaged goods, but she's damaged goods until she gets repaired. And it doesn't seem like it seems how she's working at a video store in Louisiana. She's going to do any real meaningful therapy anytime real soon. And you are going to then deal with somebody who is sort of all over the road in a relationship standpoint. And then you're going to crap out some kids and then you're going to be locked in and then your life's going to be over.

23:11 Drew So it is an example of how people have charred time conceiving of this. Let me, let me ask you a second, the things that happen that are terrorizing in childhood becomes the source of arousal and attraction in adulthood. So in order for her to feel aroused and be attracted, she has to imagine this horrible thing with him. And that is the extraordinary bizarre thing about the human being in trauma.

23:31 Caller So how does that make you feel? Are you turned on by it or do you think it's nasty or?

23:36 Caller Yeah, I mean, like, yeah, I mean, I don't see why she would think of me as him. Because, I mean, I haven't been molested. I haven't molested anybody. And I don't see why she would.

23:46 Caller But why don't you maybe it's just her fantasy, me. Why don't you just go with it and put on a belt and some, like, you know, and put on a, you know, some aftershave and kind of make yourself look like him and like have fun. That's almost like a girl putting pumps on in a miniskirt for us.

23:59 Adam That's the same thing.

24:00 Caller Who's your daddy and like be her daddy?

24:02 Adam Yeah.

24:03 Caller Why not have fun with it?

24:05 Adam Take it a step further. Get like his bathrobe he used to wear when he used to have her.

24:08 Caller Yeah.

24:09 Adam And throw that on. Be awesome.

24:12 Caller So basically, I mean, just go along with it.

24:14 Caller I would. Have fun with it.

24:15 Adam All right, Kenneth, do not.

24:16 Rock and roll.

24:18 Adam Do not. Drew, be quiet. Was it Drew? Listen, do not get her pregnant. Do you understand that? Yes, sir. That is a number one. You guys can do whatever you want. Screw around. Fantasize. Have a good time. Enjoy the ride. Don't knock her up.

24:33 Caller Yeah, because then you're stuck in some serious baggage. But you know what? If I were you, how old are you?

24:38 Adam He's 22.

24:39 Caller And she is?

24:40 Adam I'm just going to go 21.

24:42 Caller How old is she? About 19?

24:43 Adam I don't know. How old is she, Ken?

24:45 Caller She's 24.

24:46 Caller 24.

24:47 Adam And she doesn't have any other kids?

24:49 Caller No, neither of us have kids.

24:51 Adam She must be sterile. Why don't you sterile? What's going on?

24:54 Caller I would just, if I were you, I'd just have fun with it and like not worry about it.

24:58 Adam Are you using protection? Yes, sir. Okay. Keep using it. Don't get her pregnant. And if you're serious, then she's got to deal with this. But here's the thing.

25:06 Caller But ask him if it bothers him. Like, does it bother you or you care or you don't care?

25:10 Adam You know who doesn't care? Me. I'm just done.

25:14 Caller No, but do you care or don't care?

25:16 Adam Kenneth, do you care or don't you care?

25:19 Caller I do care.

25:20 Caller OK, then break up with her. She's too creepy for you.

25:23 Adam Or you got it. Here's what it is. All right. Here's what here's where you're at when you're at this kind of thing. It's like I'm doing one of my car analogies. You're buying a car and this car you could drive home. But if you buy it, you're going to have to just totally take it apart and do a ground up restoration. Now, if you're up for that, go ahead and drive it home. But if you're not, go keep walking. Go get another car, because this thing is going to have to be rebuilt. If you want to be with her for the long haul, she's going to need to tear it down, baby.

25:56 Caller It's like pimp my girl, right?

25:58 Adam Pimp my bitch.

25:59 Caller Pimp your bitch.

26:00 Adam Yeah.

26:00 Caller That's good.

26:01 Adam No, just need to tear you down and start over again.

26:03 Caller Yeah, start over. Take her to exhibit.

26:05 Adam Right now, if you just want to jump in and joy ride for a couple of years. Yeah, have fun.

26:10 Caller It's all good.

26:10 Adam Yes. Side swipe a couple of parked cars, run over a few mailboxes, do some donuts in the parking lot of the Costco.

26:16 Caller Then you're fine.

26:17 Adam Then we're fine. But if you think this is going to be a commuter car in a long time.

26:21 Caller Pimp my bitch.

26:22 Adam Tear it down, baby. Pimp my bitch. Pauly Shore is here tonight. He's a star. Pimp my bitch. MTV, Wednesday night. No, Sunday night, July 17th, 10 o'clock, mining the store. This is Pauly Shore doing. You know what? Actually, when we come back, I want to talk about the comedy store because everyone knows who you are and everyone knows who the comedy store or knows what the comedy store is. I don't know if everyone knows the connection and knows the blood and knows the history and knows the history of the comedy store, what it used to be, how long it's been there, its historical significance, what it was before it was the comedy store, and all that stuff. So I'd love to get into some of the history of it and how your family acquired it and so on and so forth. Drew is in Washington, DC.,

27:07 Caller Dealing with the interns.

27:09 Adam Right next to Oregon, according to Pauly. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

27:21 Caller How do we know what incredibly voluptuous guest model, Diora Baird, looks like when she takes off her jeans and everything else? We have pictures. See them in the August Playboy on Newsstands now. Hey, everybody.

27:34 Adam It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew in Washington, DC tonight, addressing the interns on the Capitol Hill.

27:43 Caller Are you going to be able to go to, like, the White House while you're there?

27:47 Drew I went out running tonight. I always run to the White House and then the Lincoln Memorial. But I'm not going to go into the White House. No.

27:52 Caller Did you ever do a tour of the White House? No.

27:55 Drew Adam had a...

27:56 Caller Did you have a VIP tour, Adam? Did you go tour? Did you go inside and the whole thing?

28:02 Adam Yeah.

28:03 Caller Yeah. It was pretty cool. Did you think it was cool? Yeah.

28:05 Adam It was.

28:06 Caller It was weird, isn't it? Didn't it look like a movie set?

28:08 Adam Yeah.

28:08 Caller It was all like Stark. Yeah.

28:11 Adam That's all I can really equate things with is I go to the real place and go, wow, this looks like the set.

28:15 Caller Yeah. I mean, it really... No, but it really did. I mean, I walked in and I met one of the Secret Service guys. He walked me around and the whole thing. I was like, it looked... And it's weird because it's all the same stuff that's been there for so many years. The furniture, the rugs, the desks.

28:32 Adam Yeah.

28:33 Caller And it's just like, you know.

28:34 Adam Yeah, it is. Well, I think safe to say there's a little history there. And I didn't get the executive tour. I think I walked around. Remember the band, the Afghan Wigs?

28:45 Drew Yeah.

28:45 Adam About about eight, ten years ago. I think I was there when we were over there for WHF. Festival or whatever. But anyway, hey, Drew.

28:53 Drew Yeah.

28:53 Adam I'm looking at our affiliates list here for the first time ever. And I see Newport NH. Is that New Hampshire?

29:02 Drew It must be.

29:03 Adam Yeah, because you never see a state abbreviated with NH., do you?

29:08 Drew No, it's up in New Hampshire. Yeah.

29:10 Adam All right. So let's talk about the comedy store, by the way, because there's a ton of history there. I know it used to be Ciro's.

29:18 Caller It started, the comedy store is, for those of people that aren't in LA or that kind of know LA., it's right across the street from the House of Blues and the Sky Bar in that area right there. And it used to be Ciro's.

29:28 Adam Harder than the Sunsets.

29:29 Caller Yeah, it's like the Taurus of Sunset. Right. And ba ba ba ba. And this is, you know, Ciro's in the 50s and 60s. It was a club where Bugsy Siegel was at, Sammy Davis, Sinatra, Marilyn Monroe. This was that spot. And then after that, it was, Art LeBeau took it over.

29:47 Adam Really?

29:48 Caller Yeah. Yeah. Art LeBeau had it for a while. And then from there, my dad opened it with his friend, Rudy DeLuca, who and Rudy DeLuca wrote for Mel Brooks.

29:57 Adam Now, what year did your any of your father, Sammy Shore, was a pretty famous or is a pretty famous stand up comedian, sort of old school comedian. Yeah. And what was it 80? I mean, sir, was it the 60s?

30:11 Caller No, he opened it with with Rudy, Rudy DeLuca in the year 1972. Yeah. So that's when they opened it up. And then my dad was a stand up and he know how to work the club. He didn't know how to run the business. So he would go out and open for Elvis and kind of go to Vegas. He had a gig in Vegas. He was working with Elvis a lot. My mom slowly took over and then they got divorced and she got in the divorce.

30:32 Adam Now, did he buy the club in 1972?

30:36 Caller No, I think I think what he did was kind of just rent it from a guy named Frank Sennis. And I think once my mom took over the whole building and got Art LeBeau's section, which is the main room, and had the original room, that's when my mom purchased the land on Sunset.

30:51 Adam In the mid-70s or?

30:52 Caller Yeah, it was 1972, 73 around there.

30:55 Adam Oh, was that early, just after your dad got going with it?

30:57 Caller Yeah, because my dad just had it when it was the original room. That's when Red Fox would go on and Pat McCormick and all these kind of older guys that I remember, Cheech and Chong, when I was just a little kid. A guy named Lenny Schultz. Yeah. You remember Lenny Schultz?

31:12 Adam Yes. I know all these guys. Yeah.

31:14 Caller Lenny Schultz was like my favorite.

31:18 Adam Here's the thing that's crazy. Do you have any idea what she paid for that place in 1972 or 1973?

31:23 Caller Absolutely not. I can call her and ask her.

31:26 Adam Really? You never asked her?

31:27 Caller No.

31:28 Adam I mean, people would just kill themselves, right?

31:30 Caller I mean, it's, you know, I mean, I'm sure it was nothing, obviously.

31:34 Adam I mean, I mean, but it I mean, it's always, you know, 1972, it was something, obviously. But I mean, is it worth $10 million today or $15 million?

31:46 Caller I mean, probably with the property that we own around it as well now.

31:50 Adam What property do you own around it?

31:51 Caller I own a house behind it.

31:53 Adam Oh, really?

31:53 Caller I own my mom owns another lot. She owns another lot. So it's kind of cornered that whole area. Oh, really? But just real estate wise. But just the land of the story?

32:01 Adam Yeah, just the comedy story.

32:02 Caller Probably at least, I'd say probably 25 to 30 million.

32:06 Adam Yeah.

32:06 Caller Probably.

32:07 Adam It's so prime.

32:08 Caller At least.

32:08 Adam I mean, I guess if somebody bought it today, they would probably not tear it down and build some multi-story.

32:14 Caller So my vision, my vision for the place, obviously, is to build a commissary hotel there. Oh, really? To build a big hotel there, kind of like the Hard Rock.

32:22 Adam Right.

32:23 Caller Yeah, kind of like the Hard Rock was in Vegas and do like, you know, you call up, they tell you a joke and Sam Kennison's suite, the Richard Pryor Lounge.

32:30 Adam Right.

32:30 Caller You know, the Roseanne Bar, you know, whatever. I don't know what she would have.

32:34 Adam Toilet.

32:35 Caller Toilet. But yeah, that's kind of like my vision is, you know, we've talked about that before. So, you know, I think that would be really cool.

32:42 Adam And your mom just, I mean, owns all that land out right now, right?

32:47 Caller Yeah.

32:48 Adam But you mean I'm going to kill my mom. She my mom owns a owns a VW Squareback. That's what my mom owns.

32:55 Caller But I got to I got to keep it going. And that's why, you know, I came in about four years ago at the comedy store and started running the business with my brother because my mom is getting older, like your mom, like all our moms. And she's not there as much. She's not there to maintain the building.

33:09 Drew So that's why I came in there. That was brilliant. I really think.

33:12 Caller Yeah. Well, I hope, you know. Yeah.

33:14 Adam No, I mean, you got to raise, you know, 200 million bucks or something.

33:19 Caller It's a big project.

33:20 Adam But it's it's interesting and could could work. And then you put put like the comedy store on the on the roof or the bottom or leave it there or whatever.

33:28 Caller You just kind of figure it out.

33:29 Adam Wow. And you and but you don't live in that you live up in the hills somewhere. You don't live in the house behind the price.

33:35 Caller Yeah, I live up in up Nichols Canyon.

33:37 Adam Mining the store is the name of the show.

33:40 Caller So just just for the people, just about the show. It's not a reality show. I mean, it's not like, you know, like a documentary show about me, you know, going to get going to my chiropractor or, you know, something like that. It's it's it's beat it out. There's a story. It's it's similar to Curb Your Enthusiasm. There's a beginning, middle and end every story. It's I call it sitcom reality. And I call it like, you know, because I want people to laugh. I want people at home to be entertained. I don't think there's enough, you know, funny shows on TV right now. I think all these shows are lame, to be honest. I think that they're documentary style. And I don't think people care about, you know, someone, you know, getting their hair shampooed. Right. You know, wow.

34:18 Adam And that's episode three for my show. Yeah. I'm doing that show. He's talking about my show, Drew.

34:24 Caller I was talking to Marmosy, and you should really think about beating out some ideas.

34:28 Drew So I'm going to first show Blowout.

34:30 Adam First, I'm just going to beat one out, and then I'm going to beat out an idea.

34:33 Caller But you should beat some ideas out, so you have some structure, you know.

34:37 Adam Let me explain why I did one of these reality shows that Pauly was just making fun of. I was tired of beating stuff out. I'm tired of thinking of jokes. I was tired of writing. I was tired of all that crap. My feeling was, you know, after doing the Man Show, after doing Crank Yankers and doing all these shows where we just sat and wrote and worked on stuff, I was just like, look, just fire up the camera, get in the car and follow me around. I'll be funny.

35:00 Caller I'm not talking about your dialogue. I'm talking about that's all improv. What I'm talking about is just a slug of what story point has to be said and here to move to propel it. We should have some story. It's one slug.

35:12 Adam Marmelstein, beat something out. What do you putz?

35:14 Caller Some slugs, just beginning, middle and end. So you have something to do. I mean, they do it on the Osbournes. Yeah.

35:22 Adam We've agreed on my show to do middle, middle and middle.

35:25 Caller Yeah.

35:25 Adam We didn't think to do beginning, middle and end. We're such idiots.

35:29 Caller All right.

35:30 Adam So what you have here is no scripted dialogue.

35:34 Caller No dialogue. It's all inscripted.

35:35 Adam But the beats, you know where the story is going.

35:38 Caller Yeah, but you never know what's going to happen either. Because when you sit down, like you said about you and all your buddies are sitting about developing a story, we didn't do it that way. We just kind of had slugs and we didn't know like the, for instance, the first episodes called Hot Girls of the Comedy Store. OK, we didn't know the way we edited it. We didn't know it was going to end that way. The way it ends right now is like on stage with this girl singing the song Fake Boobies.

36:00 Adam Well, don't ruin it. I mean, we're going to watch it on Sunday.

36:02 Caller Oh, yeah. Well, forget that last part. But all I'm saying is that we didn't we didn't plan on that. But, you know, we planned that it would, you know, wind up on the stage. Right. Yeah, I know you can't. We didn't know what these girls would say. We didn't know what the girls would be funny.

36:15 Adam No, here's here's here's the thing.

36:17 Caller It's all spontaneous.

36:18 Adam Yeah, it's like it's like you're hurting a pig that's running. You can't really tell exactly where it's going to go. But you can hit it with a cane a little and see if you can keep it on course.

36:26 Caller Exactly. Exactly.

36:27 Adam It's like pig herding.

36:28 Caller Exactly.

36:29 Adam Thank you.

36:30 Caller Exactly.

36:30 Adam Drew, phone call back in the pen. Yeah.

36:34 Caller You know, the thing that I like to think is always just kind of focus the pig pushing down the lane.

36:39 Adam He's never going to move like he's on a slot car track. He just got to keep going.

36:43 Caller But if he does, it's okay and you got to flow with it because you never know what you're going to get out of it as well though.

36:47 Adam Right. So are we talking about farming now? Because sometimes I get deep into these analogies and I'm not sure what we're talking about. Julie?

36:53 Hi.

36:54 Adam You're 23?

36:55 Caller Yes.

36:56 Adam You're thinking about being an egg donor?

37:00 Caller I actually am in the process already.

37:02 Adam Of donating an egg? Donating?

37:06 Caller Yeah.

37:06 Adam Donating.

37:07 Caller How much money are they going to give you? Like five grand or something?

37:11 Caller You know, I read on the site and they say they're going to give about $3,000, but I went into the interview and they want to give me $5,000.

37:19 Adam That means you're hot. And by the way, you don't donate stuff for five grand. You sell stuff for five grand. Like when you give your refrigerator Salvation Army, they don't give you $900. There would be no Salvation Army if all their donations were paid out. You understand? You're selling your eggs. They don't call it that. You know, they don't call it donating. Just like you see those bumper stickers that are pro-choice. They never say pro-abortion because that sounds horrible. But essentially, and I'm pro-choice and pro-abortion, but that's what it is. They say pro-choice. They say donating an egg. No, you're pro-abortion selling your egg. Let's just call it what it is. It makes people freaked out.

37:56 Caller So what are you freaked out about?

37:59 Adam Julie?

38:00 Caller Yes. So what are you freaked out about? You're going to get five grand. You're going to give someone an egg. You can help a girl give life. And what's the problem?

38:06 Caller What's wrong?

38:07 Caller Yes.

38:08 Caller Well, the screening, the psychological screening is coming up and.

38:12 Caller Yeah, because you're not going to have any, like if you can have no connection with these people after, right?

38:17 Caller No, I choose to. It's on the questionnaire and they basically ask you about lots of things. I'm a little afraid because I'm afraid the clinic isn't going to accept me because I'm, I might indulge a little bit on my questions. I mean, is that okay?

38:31 Drew What do you mean?

38:32 Caller So you're not going to be, so you're saying that the egg and you aren't honest or something?

38:38 Caller No, I'm talking about the question of that date. Yeah, like education, medical, family, genetics. I signed a release form and I want to know how serious they are when it comes to investigating it and how much trouble I get. I mean, I didn't indulge a lot.

38:54 Caller How bad is it? Give me an example.

38:57 Drew Give us an example of what you said.

38:59 Caller Well, I've completed a lot of my degree. I've completed a master's degree. I'm in the process of getting my master's, but I told them, I wrote down, I've completed my master's already. And then when it comes to have ever had STD, I said no, though. I've had chlamydia, but that's been taken care of. And I'm afraid that it's so-

39:17 Drew Listen, for your own sake, you better tell them about the chlamydia.

39:19 Caller Oh, really?

39:20 Adam I would deduct points for mispronouncing chlamydia.

39:23 Caller I don't think the master's degree would be a problem. I think probably that would other-

39:27 Adam Clamp. Hey, Julie. Yes. Let me do a little- Let's see if we can work out.

39:31 Caller Are you going to do the car analogy again?

39:33 Adam No.

39:33 Caller This is the pig analogy. There's going to be an analogy coming up. No. I can feel it.

39:39 Adam I'm going to try to figure out.

39:40 Caller Oh.

39:41 Adam I'm going to try to figure out. Here's an analogy. Pauly is- I'm like a pirate and he's like my parrot that won't shut up and is driving me insane. Thank you. Julie.

39:52 Caller Yeah.

39:53 Adam The camera just turned on. Word five grand with your egg, right?

39:58 Caller I guess so, yeah.

39:59 Adam All right. Now, how tall are you?

40:01 Caller I'm five two.

40:03 Adam Five two? So that should be deduction right there, right?

40:06 Caller Yeah, because your genes aren't as good. Yeah.

40:09 Adam Forget about the education. Yeah.

40:10 Caller You know what? The doctor, the main doctor there at the clinic interviewed me and she said that because I'm Asian. She said that they usually have a preference for me. They said that I'm going to go quick.

40:22 Adam Oh, really? They want the Asians?

40:24 Caller Yeah. I'm going to be a potential candidate.

40:25 Caller Go quick? What does go quick mean?

40:27 Caller I've been like, they're going to see me and they're going to want me, like the recipient. And I don't know if it has to do with my education or what, but she told me that in person, like in a personal interview. All right. Me and her. And she said, you know, I hope you don't think anything, but, you know, they usually prefer, you know, Asians. Yeah. And she said they don't usually prefer like other race, but they more prefer Asian and that you're going to go quick because I'm pure, like my my nationality. I'm not mixed or anything.

40:56 Caller You're not like a like a modern.

40:58 Adam I haven't been stepped on with like the question.

41:01 Drew What is our question?

41:02 Caller My question is maybe laxative.

41:04 Adam Yeah.

41:05 Caller Well, I get how serious are they in investigating this? Well, I get in trouble. How will it affect me? And I mean, what will it affect? All right.

41:13 Adam Listen, hold on.

41:13 Caller I think what Drew said was proper. You should probably, you know, mention that.

41:17 Adam Mention the chlamydia.

41:18 Drew You're going to have a procedure. And if you're going to have a procedure done, you're going to have an egg retrieval. And they need to know your medical history accurately for your own safety.

41:25 Adam And Julie, you said.

41:28 Drew Will they reject me?

41:31 Adam First off, you sound nutty, Julie. What's going on?

41:34 Caller She's just nervous about this whole thing.

41:36 Drew Yeah. An anxiety disorder.

41:38 Caller My first time.

41:39 Adam All right. What's, look, I remember what it was like the first time I donated an egg. So I sympathized. But what about knowing the child or following the child? Are you planning on doing that?

41:50 Caller No.

41:51 Adam No. Can you do it?

41:53 Caller I'm an anonymous donor.

41:54 Adam Yeah. Doesn't everyone have to be an anonymous donor? Yes.

41:57 Caller I don't want to have anything to do with it, like with the baby or the parents. I've written in an interview questionnaire that I'd really like to help those who are like fertility challenges who are.

42:08 Caller Let's just get to the thing.

42:10 Adam Why don't you just give them the egg then? Why are you taking the five grand?

42:13 Caller Because, in a way, I need the money. I feel guilty because.

42:16 Caller Of course. You really want to help us. So basically, Dr. Drew and everyone's saying is that what you should do is you should definitely call the place up and say, look, I lied on these two or three things that you still want me or not, and that's it. Otherwise, what's going to happen is you're going to get the five grand, you're going to give them the egg, and then you're just going to freak yourself out.

42:35 Caller Right.

42:35 Caller You know, and then they might do some research and then they'll call you and they'll capture you.

42:39 Adam That's right. You know, and not not just apprehend you. They'll use one of those nets that's strung in a tree and it'll grab you around the ankle.

42:47 Caller It'll be like a plant of the apes.

42:48 Adam That's right. That's exactly what it's like. Oh, imagine her poor parents like, let me tell you something about the Asians. They their kid gets a B in chemistry. They kill themselves. They find out their chick donated an egg and she's got all these things. Oh, it's fall on the sword time.

43:05 Drew Pauly Shore.

43:05 Caller That's my suggestion.

43:07 Adam Sage. You are Sage, my friend. Pauly Shore is in, you don't hear that word associated with Pauly Shore that much, but I'm calling him a sage.

43:16 Drew Huzzah, a sage.

43:17 Adam I said hip hip, huzzah. Mining the store. Shut up, Drew. Sunday night, 11 o'clock. I should say 10 o'clock on July 17th on TBS. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

43:31 Hello, this is your radio. Loveline will be right back.

43:37 Caller Loveline is brought to you by Mining The Store. Premieres Sunday, July 17th at 10, 9 Central on TBS.

43:55 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline and Adam. That's Dr. Drew. He's in Washington, DC tonight. Pauly Shore in studio tonight. All American Rejects in here tomorrow night. Mine in the store is the name of Pauly's new show, Sunday, July 17th, 10 o'clock. That's when it premieres. It just struck me that Pauly's staying for the first hour, and we only got about three more minutes. I keep running late, Drew. You can't let me do that anymore. Let's take a quick question for Pauly.

44:26 Caller I'll stay one more break.

44:27 Adam One more break?

44:28 Caller Yeah, it's all good.

44:28 Adam All right. Well, let's take a question for, you used to be an escort, considering it again. Well, that sounds good.

44:35 Caller Sorry, Pauly.

44:36 Adam Tanya?

44:37 Caller Hello?

44:38 Adam Year 28?

44:39 Caller Yes.

44:40 Adam What's up?

44:41 Caller Okay. I'm working on my PhD, and I'm at the point now where I don't have enough money to keep going to school and paying for rent.

44:51 Caller Right now, like probably 99 percent of the young girls' ears are just perking up.

44:56 Adam So you're not sure.

44:57 Drew Why don't you get a loan? Why don't you get a student loan like everybody else?

45:00 Caller Well, I have bad credit. I filed bankruptcy a few years ago. And so I can't-

45:04 Drew Why, you applied for a student loan?

45:06 Caller I can't get a student loan because I'm going to an unaccredited school, and there's no government loans. And private loans won't give me money because I have bad credit.

45:14 Drew What kind of school are you going to?

45:15 Adam All right, Drew, forget it. You used to be an escort?

45:18 Caller Yes.

45:19 Adam Let's focus on the fun here. And how long were you an escort?

45:24 Caller Well, I was an escort for a couple of years, but I worked in the adult industry my whole life.

45:29 Caller Where did you go? Where did you escort at?

45:32 Caller I did it on my own.

45:33 Caller We're in Washington, we should maybe hook her up with the Army guy.

45:36 Adam She's in Santa Cruz. Yeah, you guys can meet somewhere in the middle. Yeah, he's just up the coast a little further.

45:42 Caller So what's the problem?

45:43 Caller The problem is I don't want to do it because I don't want to jeopardize my career. If I'm, you know, if for some reason I'm arrested or something.

45:52 Adam And wait a minute, you said you've been in the adult business your whole life. Like was your family in the adult business and your grandfather in the adult business?

46:00 Caller Just me.

46:02 Adam OK. And you got in when you were 18 years old?

46:05 Caller Yes.

46:06 Adam And you started doing porn films?

46:08 Caller No, I was working in the S&M industry.

46:11 Caller S&M industry. So what did you what did you do in the S&M industry?

46:17 Caller I was a slave or a slave.

46:19 Caller What is that? What does that entail?

46:21 Caller Building pyramids, it entails being humiliated and bound and physically abused.

46:30 Caller How is that? How was that experience?

46:35 Caller It was fine. I'm into that in my private life, so I didn't really have a problem with it.

46:39 Caller Maybe we should hook her up with that one guy with the with the crooked penis from earlier.

46:44 Adam Yeah.

46:44 Caller Or the choke, the daddy one.

46:46 Adam Yeah, anybody can take a cat of nine tails along the ass. But this guy will eff you up from the inside out. Right. I mean, he'll scramble your innards. It'll be awesome.

46:55 Caller So you have this crazy history.

46:57 Adam Now you're trying to get back on track and you're thinking about going and doing a little more hook and hold on a second, though, Tanya, because we got to take a break. Pauly Shore's here tonight. Don't hang up on Tanya, because I got a thousand escort questions. I always want to know, like, how much? What for? How long did you do it? Did you have a favorite? Favorite clients? Any famous people? All that stuff after this.

47:58 Caller Hey, everybody.

47:59 Adam Loveline.

48:00 Caller So we should tell her about the idea that we came up with. The stripper halfway house.

48:04 Adam Pauly and I were doing a little brainstorming during the whole ride.

48:06 Caller I think we got it because...

48:08 Adam Well, here's the situation. By the way, Drew is in Washington, DC tonight, Pauly Shore in studio tonight. Sunday night, premiere of his new show, Mine in the Store, 10 o'clock, TBS. Here's what we learned. We were speaking to Tanya a few minutes ago, and I was telling Pauly, it just doesn't work to go from making all that money as a stripper.

48:29 Caller We're trying to put ourselves in her point of view as opposed to us giving her advice. So here she is, she's working, she's making probably $700 to $1,000 a night if she's hot.

48:39 Adam Right.

48:39 Caller Right.

48:40 Adam Doing the hooking.

48:40 Caller Yeah. And she doesn't want to do that anymore, but she wants to go out in the real world, but you want to tell them?

48:46 Adam Well, the real one, now Drew would say, we'll just get a job at a Starbucks where you get six bucks an hour, and they take the taxes out and screw that.

48:54 Caller There's a receptionist. Yeah.

48:56 Adam Oh, don't worry. That tip jar, we get to whack up. You'll get three bucks from that. Are you high? She doesn't want to do that. Drew, we need an intermediate job for chicks. We're trying to get like a strip or a halfway house. Yeah.

49:07 Drew And here's the find out what she's getting her Ph.D. And maybe there's a profession there that she'll be joining soon, that if she screws up, she will not be able to live in a halfway house.

49:16 Adam Until then, Drew, I want to get her a gig.

49:18 Caller It's like a prisoner spending time in jail. Don't we have facilities for prisoners?

49:23 Adam Yeah.

49:23 Caller Before they go out and we like dump them out. Right. Right.

49:26 Adam We try to reintegrate them slowly back into society.

49:30 Caller So there's still it's kind of like a prison halfway house.

49:32 Adam I'm just we're talking what we were talking. We're working some of the beats out during the break. Pauly and I. And we thought like it would be a job. But like if you collated some faxes, the guy had slapped 20 bucks down on the desk or maybe stuff it in your skirt.

49:46 Caller And you dim the lights. They wouldn't be like a little dark, dark in there.

49:50 Adam Right.

49:50 Caller And just bring them down a little bit.

49:52 Adam We'd pump in a little cherry pie, a little warrant, a little warrant, a little, you know, maybe like some little striper, maybe some stripe would work. Yeah. Little Cinderella would be nice.

50:04 Caller Maybe a little Tupac.

50:05 Adam Yeah. But a little more contemporary sound. Yeah. Yeah. And and also you could have wouldn't be a big deal if you had a couple of wine coolers during the course of the exact work.

50:14 Caller Nothing too much, but just something.

50:16 Adam Just something to take the edge off.

50:18 Caller Just so but they're also working their faxing machines on the computer.

50:22 Adam Oh yeah, for sure. There's work to be done.

50:24 Caller And they're doing stuff. They're filing. Yeah.

50:26 Adam Yeah.

50:27 Caller And they're making $25 an hour as opposed to.

50:30 Adam Rather they're kicked up a little for the minimum wage.

50:32 Caller Just just what do you think, Drew?

50:35 Drew Drew, what do you think? I want to find out what the PhD is all about.

50:38 Adam By the way, Drew is the greatest comedy partner ever.

50:41 Caller Do you like our idea, dear?

50:44 Caller Well, you know, because of my school schedule and I'm going to start an internship and I'm working on my dissertation, I really only have like a few hours a week to work, which is why being an actor.

50:57 Adam How much? And by the way, a heavy bag is a better comedy partner than Dr. Drew. Tanya, what are you talking about? You're talking about having sex with guys and getting paid, right?

51:10 Caller She needs to pay some of her rent.

51:12 Caller Right.

51:13 Caller So do you have a problem with it?

51:17 Caller No. The only problem I have is I don't want to get arrested and risk losing all these years I've been going to school.

51:23 Caller You won't. Just keep doing it how you did it before. Just do it not as much.

51:27 Drew What are you trying to be? What is it you're going to? You cannot do this. You absolutely categorically cannot do this. You need to go to a 12 step meeting.

51:37 Caller You can't be a psychologist and come from a strip thing, right?

51:40 Drew This is a profound boundary issue. Profound.

51:43 Caller Well, I realize that.

51:45 Drew If you are in, so to make a few hundred bucks now, you're going to flush an entire career down the toilet. What kind of thinking is that?

51:51 Caller How will I pay for my school though?

51:54 Adam Yeah. I mean, she's got to blow somebody. Drew, how did you get through school? You sucked your way through school. Did you not? How dare you, you hypocrite?

52:01 Caller I know I did.

52:02 Adam Oh, yes.

52:03 Caller So we all did.

52:04 Adam Right.

52:05 Caller I have a year left until I graduate and I'm supposed to be doing an internship.

52:09 Adam OK, let me let me just yell out. Let me yell at Tanya for a second. Tanya, have you ever called this show before?

52:13 Caller No.

52:14 Adam OK, because we did have someone who was sort of a lot like you call in a few months back.

52:20 Drew Listen, first of all, have you ever looked into a loan?

52:24 Caller Yeah.

52:25 Drew You ever looked into you have.

52:26 Caller I filed bankruptcy, so no one no one will give me a loan.

52:31 Adam Tanya, listen to me. There's nothing you could do that would be worse than being a prostitute while you're going to school. If you have to take a year off, you have to take a year off. If you have to take two years off, you take two years off. You understand? That's it. Especially if you're going in for a psychology degree. If you're going in for an engineering degree, I'd say start effing. But if you're going in for psychology, you're going to kill yourself.

52:57 Drew You need to get a therapist of your own immediately because this is not going to work.

53:00 Caller I have one and I've confided in a couple.

53:03 Drew Okay, good.

53:04 Adam Great.

53:04 Caller All right. All right.

53:05 Adam And by the way, how can you afford a therapist?

53:11 Caller Well, I guess she went into the black hole right there. Why?

53:16 Caller It's required to have a therapist if you're doing an internship and seeing clients.

53:21 Caller Okay.

53:22 Caller I mean, I look at it as part of school funds.

53:25 Adam Okay. All right. Tanya, do everything but this.

53:28 Caller You've got a lot of stuff on your plate.

53:30 Adam Yeah.

53:31 Caller You've got a lot of stuff on your plate, too.

53:32 Caller Well, the thing is, cause I only have a year left and everything kind of gets thrown in at the end. Yeah.

53:38 Adam Don't do it. You understand?

53:40 Drew You've actually looked into the loans?

53:43 Adam You're so fixated on the loans.

53:44 Drew I'll tell you why, because I-

53:45 Caller My school's unaccredited.

53:47 Adam Listen, the die tech guy doesn't-

53:48 Caller She's bankrupt.

53:49 Adam The die tech guy doesn't talk about loans as much as you, Drew.

53:53 Drew But I'm looking online here at student loans. There's no requisites. There's nothing about- Nothing about- Yeah, she should be able to- That's the thing about student loans. They will give them to anybody in school.

54:02 Caller Yeah, the guy that worked for me had- He got loans from some schools so he can-

54:06 Adam Really?

54:06 Caller Yeah.

54:07 Adam I mean, he was a loser, right?

54:09 Caller Very, very much so.

54:10 Adam Drew, you know who the die tech guy is?

54:12 Caller Yeah.

54:13 Caller What about those places that say, no credit, no problem?

54:15 Adam Yeah. Well, you have to own like- Your mom has to own the comedy store, and then they'll lend you money. Drew, do you know who the die tech guy is?

54:23 Drew I do.

54:24 Adam You do? I do commercial. You have?

54:26 Drew Yes.

54:26 Adam Oh my god. That's a pop culture reference. It's Drew and us.

54:30 Drew Amazing. All right.

54:31 Adam Tanya, don't do it. Should we just find out how much she charged?

54:36 Drew Whatever. You can ask her all the questions you want now.

54:39 Adam How much did you charge for a client?

54:41 Caller 400 an hour, and then if you're a repeat customer, it goes down at 350.

54:47 Adam Now what if I could orgasm like eight times in that hour? Same 400 bucks?

54:53 Caller Same 400, but I probably wouldn't see you again.

54:55 Caller Yeah, but it's a whole hour and you could do what you want with you or something?

55:01 Caller Not anything.

55:02 Caller Do you do all that SMM stuff you did? Do you mix that in the whole thing?

55:07 Caller Most clients that are into seeing an escort aren't into that as well.

55:10 Caller Yeah, but do you say that on your menu? What?

55:13 Caller Yeah, I do.

55:14 Caller You say, oh, by the way, you can also speak bad to me and stuff?

55:18 Caller I'll just say role playing and fetishes welcome.

55:22 Caller So, like, for instance, if I was one of your clients and we were in your motel room and like what would I say to you? You know, what would some of the things that I would have say to you that make me?

55:31 Caller If you were dominant or if you were submissive or?

55:34 Caller No, if I was submissive and you were dominant. Like say like we're... Okay, the hour starts. The hour starts right now. Go.

55:44 Drew Oh, my God.

55:44 Caller Oh, wow.

55:47 Adam Listen, I agree, but you can't use that kind of radio on...

55:50 Caller Okay, okay, wait a minute. You didn't hang up on her, did you? You guys are getting excited.

55:55 Adam I know.

55:55 Caller Don't hang up on her.

55:56 Adam She's on hold.

55:57 Caller Okay, okay, okay. Put her back.

55:58 Adam No, we can't talk to her.

56:00 Caller Yeah, but we just won't have her do the language part.

56:04 Adam I know you think she's not going to do the language part, but she may very well do the language part.

56:09 Caller Well, let's ask her.

56:10 Drew No. Let me just say.

56:12 Adam We have to reboot.

56:13 Drew We can't ask her? Yes. I've been looking at online grad school loans, and she should have no problem getting one. No problem.

56:21 Caller Dude, I'm on an hour right now thing with her, and you guys are cutting me out.

56:24 Drew I know.

56:25 Adam She just called Pauly a effing piece of ass, by the way. That was unclear if she was playing a role or she-

56:33 Caller I was waiting for something crazy to happen here.

56:35 Adam Do you think she was in role playing mode?

56:37 Caller Yeah, she snashes in character. She freaked out. It wasn't her doing it.

56:41 Adam I understand. It's not like she didn't like your movies or something.

56:44 Drew Therapists and psychologists get a bad name. You have people who shouldn't be doing this work, doing the work.

56:49 Adam But Drew-

56:49 Drew She needs to do something different than-

56:51 Caller Drew, that's life, Drew. There's a lot of people that should be doing things that are doing-

56:54 Adam But Drew, wouldn't you, please, Drew, wouldn't you admit this, that you know how cops are oftentimes violent guys that are attracted to that kind of life and they end up getting on the right side of the law? Isn't it the same with therapists and psychologists? Sometimes troubled people, counselors and therapists-

57:12 Caller They hide in that whole thing.

57:14 Adam They're troubled people who get on the right side of the trouble.

57:17 Caller Very troubled.

57:18 Drew Crooked cops. If she were dedicated to a recovery, she could make possibly a good therapist, but she's going nowhere near recovery. No where near.

57:27 Adam Samantha?

57:29 Pauly Shore Yeah?

57:30 Caller Hi, dear.

57:31 Pauly Shore Hi.

57:32 Caller What are you doing, princess?

57:35 Pauly Shore Nothing. I just wanted to call and ask if you're going to be doing any movies, like more than just the comedy store. Like, do you ever think about doing that? Because I used to love watching your movies.

57:47 Caller Well, right now, I'm just focused on the show, and then hopefully after the show gets picked up a second season, then I have a powwow with my agents and see what feature films are out there. But right now, I'm just focused on the TV show. I have a movie called Pauly Shore is Dead that's out on DVD right now. It's pretty cool if you want to check that out.

58:04 Pauly Shore Oh, I thought that was a bad movie, so I didn't want to rent it because I don't want to do that.

58:09 Caller No, that's a good movie.

58:10 Pauly Shore Oh, okay. Well, I'll have to rent that one then. But I remember-

58:13 Caller So do you have any second?

58:15 Pauly Shore I remember you're on MTV and they had, who wants to marry Pauly Shore or something like that. And I was really little. I thought that was really cool because I want to marry you.

58:25 Caller Oh boy.

58:25 Adam You still can by the way. Just because you were five when he was 26 doesn't mean you guys can't hook up now.

58:31 Pauly Shore I have crushes.

58:33 Caller Yes, of course.

58:34 Adam Healthy.

58:35 Caller So what do you look like?

58:37 Pauly Shore I'm about 5'6, about 120, I guess.

58:41 Caller What do you do?

58:45 Pauly Shore I'm in sales.

58:46 Caller Yeah, right. What do you do?

58:49 Pauly Shore I'm in sales.

58:50 Caller What do you sell?

58:50 Adam A vagina.

58:52 Pauly Shore Exactly.

58:53 Caller Oh, you do that. So you're a stripper?

58:56 Pauly Shore No, I'm not a stripper.

58:57 Caller Well, what do you do, dear? Do you sound squeaky and fun?

59:02 Pauly Shore I really don't want to say.

59:03 Caller Please, Princess, tell us. The world wants to know. Let's just do the math. Everyone wants to know what you do. They're all masturbating as they're driving. What?

59:12 Pauly Shore I'm sure.

59:13 Caller You're what?

59:14 Pauly Shore Yeah, I don't want to say.

59:15 Caller No one's going to know. You're just your voice.

59:18 Pauly Shore It's OK.

59:20 Drew All right.

59:20 Adam Let me let me talk some censor.

59:21 Drew Samantha, it brings them out.

59:23 Adam Is it? I know we usually get we get one hooker a month on this show. Pauly comes in. There's an avalanche of hookers.

59:30 Drew Oh, my God.

59:31 Adam He sucks them out. He's like a hooker divining rod. Six, some sort of alchemist with hookers.

59:36 Caller He divided.

59:37 Adam He divided. He separates the hookers from the they come to me. They come to Samantha. I'm going to just go ahead and get say she's a. You are doing what our last caller used to do.

59:51 Pauly Shore I it's a possibility. I just really want to say.

59:55 Adam I'm going to go ahead and say that. Let me just do some math here. If somebody says, look, you I'm going to guess you're a prostitute and for a living and you say it's a possibility. I just I don't want to talk about it.

1:00:10 Caller I'm going to go.

1:00:11 Adam I'm going to go with that. Affirmative. That's a big thumbs up. Yeah, because if you're not if you're a dental hygienist, you say no, I'm not a prostitute.

1:00:19 Caller Exactly.

1:00:20 Adam I'd rather not answer.

1:00:22 Caller Right. So we got that. So what do you do you have a website or something? You can want to plug your website.

1:00:27 Pauly Shore I don't.

1:00:29 Caller How do we find you?

1:00:32 Pauly Shore You can't find me.

1:00:33 Adam Well, I'll tell you how you can find Pauly, www.paulyshore.com.

1:00:37 Caller I got naked pictures of me on there.

1:00:39 Adam So you go to that website, Samantha, you start hooking up with Pauly.

1:00:43 Caller Where do you live? What area?

1:00:45 Pauly Shore We're in the Central Valley. I'm actually not from here. I just moved here.

1:00:49 Caller So from where?

1:00:51 Pauly Shore I'm sorry.

1:00:51 Adam Scotland.

1:00:52 Caller From where?

1:00:54 Pauly Shore From Florida.

1:00:55 Adam Oh, Florida.

1:00:56 Caller Shocking.

1:00:57 Adam I swore to Scotland. Wow. I'm always off. So Samantha, she's out in Fresno. Pauly, you know, I mean, probably a five, six hour drive.

1:01:09 Caller I might just leave from here and just go straight there.

1:01:11 Adam We make it there by sun up. No problem.

1:01:13 Caller Yeah, it'd be good.

1:01:14 Adam Hey, Samantha?

1:01:15 Pauly Shore Yeah?

1:01:16 Adam I'll tell you what, why don't you go out and buy Pauly's DVD? Don't just rent it. You know what I mean?

1:01:22 Pauly Shore Okay.

1:01:23 Adam Because you know it's going to be good and you'll have it in your collection that way.

1:01:26 Pauly Shore Okay.

1:01:27 Adam And while you're there, you get Jury Duty and Sinomans, Son in Law, I'm in the Army Now, Biodome and the Curse of Inferno. And I just pulled that out of my ass, by the way. I'm that big a fan.

1:01:38 Caller Yeah, well.

1:01:40 Adam All right, baby.

1:01:41 Pauly Shore All right, thank you.

1:01:42 Adam All right.

1:01:42 Caller Bye.

1:01:43 Adam Keep your legs up and your underwear dry. I don't know what you say to hookers when you cut them loose, but that seems good.

1:01:52 Caller Wow.

1:01:54 Adam She didn't sound like she had any issues with men, did she?

1:01:58 Caller What was wrong with her, Drew? She's not the marriageable type.

1:02:02 Drew Yeah. Yeah, Pauly, you just find one of those for yourself. It'll be cool.

1:02:06 Caller No.

1:02:06 Drew The deal is, here's the deal.

1:02:08 Caller No.

1:02:08 Drew When people have been traumatized, it has a profound effect on how they're able to conduct themselves interpersonally. Profound.

1:02:15 Caller So what's wrong with my traumatization? Is that a word? Traumatization?

1:02:19 Adam Yeah.

1:02:20 Drew Yeah.

1:02:20 Adam What happened?

1:02:21 Caller Yeah, what happened to me?

1:02:21 Adam Pauly wasn't traumatized.

1:02:22 Caller Yeah, I was okay. What are my issues, Drew? You've known me long enough.

1:02:27 Adam Too much, too soon. What about that with Pauly?

1:02:30 Drew It's a little sexual compulsion we decided, right?

1:02:32 Adam Yeah, but let me ask you this, Drew. When Pauly was, when you're doing totally Pauly, you were early 20s.

1:02:41 Caller Yes.

1:02:42 Adam And if you were, and by the way, you know, going on spring break in Cancun and just banging your way through South America and back to the mainland.

1:02:54 Caller And then the South America.

1:02:56 Adam Well, the-

1:02:56 Caller America.

1:02:57 Adam Southern part of America. The whole point is- Kentucky. Well, there's a point. When I was 21, 22, I was swinging a hammer with a bunch of Guatemalan guys on a roof. You know, I didn't have access to the kind of tail you had.

1:03:10 Caller But then waited five years and then you did.

1:03:13 Adam Eight years. But yeah.

1:03:14 Caller Okay.

1:03:15 Adam But the point is, is if I had had what Pauly had had, the money, the life, the women and stuff, maybe I would have had this compulsion. Maybe anyone, maybe a healthy person. Yes.

1:03:27 Drew Didn't have what we call a simple childhood either. Your parents are pretty complex, you know, busy and distracted by stuff.

1:03:35 Adam Yeah. Now, is your family a little nutty? Is your mom a little nutty? Is your dad a little nutty?

1:03:41 Caller I think so. But they have huge hearts. There's a love there. It's not like we all hate each other. And there's things being thrown and stuff like that. But there's, yeah, there was a little bizarreness.

1:03:50 Adam Little neuroses.

1:03:51 Caller Yeah. My sister's a little bizarre. Her name's Sandy Seashore. That's her name. Wow. My middle name is Montgomery, which is kind of where Pauly Montgomery Shore PMS.

1:04:03 Adam Oh, interesting. I'm sure they were thinking of that.

1:04:05 Caller Yeah. Like, what's up with that? And then like my dad, you know, see, you know, I was an accident. I know that for sure.

1:04:11 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:04:12 Caller Oh, yeah, definitely. You know, it's like my parents didn't make love. And like, we can't wait to have a baby. It was like the second I was born. They're like, oh, man, you know, what are we going to do now?

1:04:19 Adam Or your brother. Is your brother and your sister older?

1:04:22 Caller They're all older. I'm the youngest.

1:04:24 Adam Right. And you're a few years off them.

1:04:27 Caller Yeah, there's there's me and Peter close to age. And then my brother Scott and Sandy, they're like a lot older.

1:04:31 Adam So they thought they were like done having kids.

1:04:33 Caller Yes.

1:04:34 Adam And then then came.

1:04:35 Caller But we were all accidents.

1:04:36 Adam Right.

1:04:37 Caller I mean, all all of us.

1:04:38 Adam Well, by the way, did they tell you that? How do you find that out?

1:04:41 Caller They told me.

1:04:42 Adam They're screwing with you, though.

1:04:44 Caller I'm serious. They didn't want to be married.

1:04:45 Drew It was a trauma.

1:04:47 Caller But it wasn't they never wanted to be married. It wasn't like my dad was a road comic. Right. You know, working on the road and he got my mom pregnant. And it was like one of those things. And it was like back in those days, you didn't have an abortion and you made it work. Right. And whether you were happy or not, you know, and they were very unhappy. So.

1:05:03 Adam Right. And how long were they together?

1:05:05 Caller Yeah, they were together for a while, but then they got divorced when I was like five or six.

1:05:09 Drew So you're so women really are not about closeness and intimacy.

1:05:13 Caller Yeah. And then my mom, my mom just dated comedians that obviously used her for stage time.

1:05:18 Adam Oh, so. So in your mind, your relationships are something that aren't to be trusted in a way.

1:05:24 Caller I don't know, Drew, is that is that what you're thinking?

1:05:26 Drew Or I think it's a little more profound. He doesn't know how to do one.

1:05:29 Caller So the only way you can feel I haven't seen like Sam Kenison was like my best kind of role model when it comes to relationships.

1:05:35 Drew Oh, boy.

1:05:36 Caller Really? Wow.

1:05:38 Adam Must be.

1:05:38 Caller So I just don't know how to do one. Huh?

1:05:40 Adam Well, I have you. What has been your I've had a girl. What's been your longest relationship?

1:05:46 Caller Probably two years.

1:05:47 Adam And was that with civilian? I mean, or a normal, normal girl?

1:05:53 Caller No, she wasn't a porn star. She was a model. She was a model. Yeah. Yeah.

1:05:57 Adam Was she a little nutty or?

1:06:00 Caller Yeah, she's pretty nutty.

1:06:00 Adam And why? Why did it end?

1:06:03 Caller Well, my my me being this this dishonest in the relationship. Yes, of course. And also not trust and also not trusting her as well. So there you go.

1:06:13 Drew So closeness again, closeness is a scary place for you. You can't really experience it in a trusting and caring way.

1:06:19 Caller So it goes back to and also, but it was also the fact that safe. But it was also the fact that, you know, I have this thing in my mind, like, you know, does she love me for me or does she love me because I'm on TV, which I'm sure a lot of celebrity people go through that, which I think is a bunch of crap. But because I think love is love.

1:06:38 Adam Well, I think whenever you get into that, does she love me for this or is it just the money or is it just where you're just looking for an excuse to get out?

1:06:45 Caller Right. You're looking for a reason to do.

1:06:48 Drew Absolutely. Absolutely. Or at least a reason not to be close.

1:06:52 Adam Right. So because you can go, she's just into me because she knows I have an MTV and she knows from the movies and all that stuff. And it gives you a reason to sort of back out and get a little distance. But so if you're Pauly, I don't know how old are you?

1:07:04 Caller I'm 37.

1:07:05 Adam 37. So you're Pauly, Drew, you're 37. Let's say you're not Pauly, but Pauly has come to you and he's thrown himself on your doorstep and he's saying, help me. He's 37 years old. He would like to get married one day, have some kids one day, have a normal life one day from a relationship standpoint. A, you got to get some therapy, right?

1:07:26 Drew Yes, absolutely. Or the female therapist.

1:07:29 Adam And a female therapist, this is an interesting thing. You need to establish a relationship with a female, not a male therapist. So get a good female therapist. And then number two, start attempting relationships that are a little more meaningful or what?

1:07:43 Drew Yeah, yeah. Start, start. And when? Relationships are not quite so exciting. Immediately?

1:07:47 Caller Well, my sex therapist on the show, it says, like to create, like if you're going to be with a girl, make sure that that that that that if she's like a marriageable type girl, then create a friendship with her and don't try and sleep with her. But if you're going to just hook up with a girl, make sure that the girl knows that that that's all it is, is you guys. It's on the table. You guys are just having fun and it's and that's all it is. Right. And that is that you agree with that or don't just there.

1:08:12 Drew That's fair. But again, you got to really go for people that are not quite so exciting.

1:08:17 Adam But you've done enough banging around, haven't you, Paul? I mean, you're coming on 20 years of banging around, right? You're celebrating your 20th. I got an invitation last month, so I know it's coming up. Come celebrate Pauli's 20th year of banging strangers. 20 years of banging nameless strangers. Well, I'm just saying the bloom's off the roads now. You know what I'm saying? You don't have that new dick smell anymore. There's enough. That's enough. Settle in now. You just got to settle in. OK. All right. So but you want it. You're going that direction. Like, see, here's my goal for Pauli. My goal would be 40. You're 37.

1:08:56 Caller Yeah.

1:08:56 Adam You know, you're starting to wind down a little, not producing the testosterone you were when you were 25. You still enjoying life, but you're starting to head toward a family.

1:09:06 Caller Right. I'm trying to head towards the heating path.

1:09:08 Adam You're not right. And you're not going to do it in the next nine months. But give yourself two and a half, three years, 40. Try to, you know, by the time you're 40, be in a relationship that looks like you might.

1:09:20 Caller It's going somewhere, right.

1:09:20 Adam You're getting engaged, or you're engaged.

1:09:22 Caller And as far as what particular girl that I look for is what, Drew?

1:09:26 Drew Not somebody so exciting. Somebody you're attracted to, but a little bit's, you know, we say, we give the same advice to women. You know, not something that's so, you're super attracted to somebody who's just sort of nice and comfortable to be around in your life.

1:09:41 Adam The female equivalent to this is not the bad boy.

1:09:44 Caller Right.

1:09:45 Adam I know the bad boy's exciting and enticing. He's no good for you. He's not marriage material.

1:09:49 Caller No, that makes sense.

1:09:50 Adam So when you're attracted to and so when it rocks your boat, but not the bad.

1:09:54 Caller Someone that's going to come, you know, walking down the street, that's going to be like, right.

1:09:58 Adam Right. And if you're really super attracted to somebody and they really flip your cookie, probably not a good idea.

1:10:05 Caller That's a good one.

1:10:05 Adam Yeah. You got to be careful. All right. Sage advice for me this time. And Dr. Drew, this was good.

1:10:11 Drew Well done.

1:10:12 Adam OK. I'm going to give Pauly one last plug. And then he's on his way because he's got to get up very early tomorrow to do a bunch of press. Mining the Store is the name of show Sunday night. It is July 17th, which is coming back.

1:10:29 Caller Yeah, back to back episodes. Back to back. Yeah, two half hours back to back.

1:10:32 Adam Ten o'clock and then ten thirty on TBS.

1:10:35 Caller And there's a money, there's a money back guarantee. We should tell everyone.

1:10:38 Adam Oh, really? Go ahead.

1:10:39 Caller There's a, after the whole Russell Crowe thing went down, you know, where he basically said, look, my movie's good. Come see it if you don't like it. You can get your money back. Right. So I called the attorneys at TBS and I was like, we should do a one dollar money back guarantee. So people watch the show and they don't smile. They don't laugh. They don't smirk. They just stare at it and they're like, this doesn't work for me. And they can write in the TBS and then we'll send them a dollar.

1:11:05 Adam So and that's coming out of the TBS coffers.

1:11:07 Caller It's it's up to two hundred fifty thousand people.

1:11:10 Adam Really?

1:11:11 Caller Yeah.

1:11:11 Adam Wow.

1:11:12 Caller Yeah. That's that's the pool.

1:11:13 Adam All right. I'm going to start working on my life now.

1:11:17 Caller But you can't you can't you can't cheat. No, you can't go into it going, this is going to suck. And you got to like go like, I'm going to really try and enjoy this and check it out.

1:11:28 Adam Don't have a plus on.

1:11:29 Caller Yeah. And a smirk counts a grand count. Right. All that stuff counts. But it's legitimate and it's on the website and it's real. And it's the first ever, you know, televised one dollar money back guarantee ever.

1:11:42 Adam And it's on the TBS website.

1:11:45 Caller Yes, it's on tbs.com.

1:11:47 Adam All right. Thanks, Pauly. Always, always a good time. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:11:54 Caller Thank you for calling Loveline.

1:11:56 Caller Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

1:12:03 Adam Ready for something new? Try Durex tingling condoms. There's sex and then there's Durex. Hello, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew is in Washington, DC tonight where it's getting on to 3 a.m. Pauly Shore has left the building. I can breathe, baby. You know, it's funny, Drew. Maybe maybe I only notice it, but the nights when you're out of town and you're like broadcasting, it's always the night we get a comic in here who has a lot to say. And so I end up sort of trying to act like a traffic cop, like, hold on, Drew, but Drew, no, but but but but but but.

1:12:49 Drew Yeah.

1:12:49 Adam You know what I mean?

1:12:50 Drew Yeah. I kind of try to shut up because it's so much going on.

1:12:54 Adam Be quiet, Drew. Just quiet down. Yeah, I know it gets it gets a little. People don't realize that when you're in person, so much of of of language is sort of body language. When Drew and I are sitting, well, we're usually on each other's laps when we do the show. Oftentimes, Drew's in me. I'm sorry, Drew, but I told you I'm only going to sit on this part of the pun for so long before I start telling America. Okay. And we'll talk more off the air.

1:13:27 Drew But you know, my wife was going to kill me.

1:13:29 Adam Well, I called her this afternoon.

1:13:32 Drew Okay, good. Superparator. Yes. What the hell is your wife going to say?

1:13:37 Adam She's happy. She just wants half. I told her I'd give her half the dog and she could go. She wants the front part of the torso. Actually, I'd like to give her the rear. All right.

1:13:49 Drew What are we talking about?

1:13:51 Adam Here's my point. Here's my point. When Drew's here and he's sitting right across from me, it's very easy to see when he's going to talk and when I'm going to talk, because we lean in and there's that whole sort of body language thing. When he's across the country, you miss that part.

1:14:05 Drew Yeah.

1:14:06 Adam Okay. See how that works? See how uncomfortable that was? Yeah. Drew, I'm going to give you your choice. You want to speak to Landon, who's 18, has a 19-year-old friend getting married to a 15-year-old. He's going to be best man. I don't read these questions until I do it on the air and get to the end, so I get shocked sometimes. You want to talk to Melissa? Melissa used to do heavy drugs, takes ephedra to kill the urges. You want to talk to Albert, has pain inside, is urethra. Tess came back clean. Or a little Germany or Florida.

1:14:44 Drew What is it? Wild card.

1:14:46 Caller Urethra.

1:14:46 Pauly Shore Wild card?

1:14:47 Adam Urethra?

1:14:49 Caller All right.

1:14:49 Adam Let's play Germany or Florida. Molly?

1:14:52 Pauly Shore Hi.

1:14:53 Adam You're 17?

1:14:54 Pauly Shore Yeah.

1:14:55 Adam All right. It's time to play a little Germany or Florida. You ready? Where's our David Allen Grier theme song? He fires Drew a PO to email every time. He does. We don't hear this. So play it Anderson.

1:15:06 Germany or Florida. Germany or Florida. Germany or Florida.

1:15:20 Adam He really does. Race-fueled angry vitriolic email he sent to Dr. Drew.

1:15:27 Is it Germany or Florida? Hey, Germany or Florida? Let's find out. Don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't.

1:15:48 Adam Big ending on that one, big crescendo.

1:15:51 Drew Okay.

1:15:52 Adam See, here's the thing about David Alan Greer. People just think he's funny. They don't realize how effing crazy he actually is. In a delightful way, but Drew?

1:16:04 Drew Yeah, yes.

1:16:04 Adam Crazy?

1:16:06 Drew Butterfly net crazy.

1:16:08 Adam Yeah, fun crazy, not stab you with a syringe in the ankle.

1:16:13 Drew No, not chaos crazy.

1:16:15 Adam No, chase him with a butterfly net, guy in a white coat chasing him crazy. Molly?

1:16:20 Pauly Shore Yeah.

1:16:22 Adam Seventeen?

1:16:23 Pauly Shore Yeah.

1:16:23 Adam What's up?

1:16:25 Caller A man walked into his place of employment after business hours. He then thought that a light was on under the conference room door. Upon entering, he saw 10 of his colleagues sitting around masturbating. When asked what they were doing, they merely smiled and asked if he wanted to join them. The man was an insurance agent. He then left, went to call the police, and later the police came and arrested the 10 co-workers and fired them, or and later they were fired. Germany of Florida.

1:16:54 Adam Well, let me, let me, let's get into this for a second. First off, they were still beating off an hour and a half later when the cop showed up?

1:17:02 Caller No, I think they probably quit by then.

1:17:04 Adam And then, how could they get arrested if the cop showed up? Unless he was there to press charges, he waited there with the, and the cop showed up.

1:17:13 Drew Even then, that's not a United States Police Force behavior. You know what I'm saying? It's not an American Police Force maneuver.

1:17:20 Adam Well, I know you're going to be shocked, but Peewee Herman was in Florida when he got arrested for masturbating in a public space.

1:17:27 Drew Is that what happened?

1:17:28 Adam Of course. Where else would it happen? And let me just say this before we answer this Germany or Florida question, because we love to make jokes about what an armpit Florida is. It's actually shaped sort of like an armpit, if you think about it. But I was watching my favorite show on HBO last night, that Dr. Bodden, who's the, he's the coroner, and he solves all those cases. And there was this guy who, like, in the 80s, was managing a motel, living in a motel. You know, that super skinny, white trash guy with the mustache and the salt and pepper hair. And he's, like, living in a motel with this chick, and he's married to her, and she's driving his car and all this stuff. And then one day she just disappears, and he disappears too. And they're like, yes, he was in a motel in Fresno, and 25 years later, we finally located him. I'm like, Florida! Florida! And we're able to, after scouring, Florida! After looking through the, Florida!

1:18:36 Caller Florida! Florida!

1:18:37 Adam We found him in Florida. I'm like, you found him in Florida? Why don't you go to Florida? That's all, if I'm a cop, that's where we start.

1:18:46 Drew Yes.

1:18:46 Adam We got, oh, he's on the lam. All right, everyone, go to Florida. Well, how do we know he's in Florida? Look, if we hurry, we'll beat him there. He's either on his way to Florida or he's there now. That's it. Is there some sort of sign in front of Florida that is just like, welcome felons, just welcome deadbeat dads, welcome dregs of society? Like, how does that work? Is there, do you think, is the United States like shaped, is it some sort of like white trash funnel where they're almost compelled? Like, are they salmon going back to spawn? You know, maybe every white trash degenerate started in Florida and they're like salmon, like where they go, like, how do they know the exact pond they humped in? I don't know, they just know, that's where they go. They go to Florida. And I'm always, I'm surprised that I need to share this. I need to have like a seminar with law enforcement, like stop searching the other 49 states, just go to Florida. What are you doing wasting the taxpayer money? They're in Florida. Yeah, it's 25 years later and the guy's living in Florida and he's got the crappy salt and pepper mustache and he's just sitting there looking guilty as sin and like, you know, it's that kind of thing where it's like, so she took off in your car and you say she just left the motel. Yeah. And you didn't call the police? No, I didn't. And you just left? Yeah, figured she wasn't coming back. And it was your car and you were making the payments on it?

1:20:16 Caller Mm hmm.

1:20:18 Adam And you didn't want to call the insurance company or anything? No. And by the way, his mom co-signed for it. So that's the that's for the car. That's the other 79 Thunderbird. That's the other clue. He was in Florida because anytime your mom as an adult co-signs for a car, that means you're eventually going to Florida. Yeah, or in Florida. That's that. It was just it was like I was just screaming, screaming guilty in Florida the entire, the entire time. All right. Okay. You know, all Florida, like here's what I picture Florida athletes and felons. I just figure half of Florida filled with white trash, deadbeat dads, and then Shaquille. That's what I picture. Yeah. All right. So Drew, do we have a Florida or Germany call on this one? I'm sitting off under the table. You're saying Germany. I'm saying Germany, too. After that huge Florida jag, I'm going Germany. We're both going Germany, Molly.

1:21:15 Caller You were right on the Florida.

1:21:18 Caller Oh, I'm sorry.

1:21:20 Drew So did not seem like a Florida to me.

1:21:22 Adam I know. And I'm such an a-hole. I did 45 minutes on Florida and then picked Germany.

1:21:28 Drew Yeah.

1:21:28 Caller My grandparents live in Florida.

1:21:30 Adam Oh, probably off on a cookie right now. Oh, don't think they were doing it on the carpet, Drew. They're playing eat the cookie.

1:21:41 Caller Oh, God.

1:21:42 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:21:43 Adam Come on. You're in a frat. You know how that goes. You're just a quick finisher.

1:21:46 Caller So you're cool.

1:21:53 Adam Drew, come on. Don't play stupid.

1:21:57 Caller Yeah.

1:21:57 Caller Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1:21:59 Adam You're like, oh, it's a frosted oatmeal. Nope. Just regular oatmeal. That ain't.

1:22:06 Caller Yeah.

1:22:07 Adam We're going to need it. You're last. You never played that game, huh?

1:22:11 Drew Eat the shredded wheat? No.

1:22:12 Adam You didn't you didn't you didn't rush a friend in college?

1:22:16 Drew I did, but it was low-key stuff.

1:22:19 Adam Yeah.

1:22:19 Drew That didn't have to rush. I just ended up living there for a while.

1:22:22 Adam Really?

1:22:22 Drew There are more sort of houses you lived in than anything else, and sort of organized them.

1:22:25 Adam And they were fraternities? Yeah.

1:22:27 Drew They got rid of them though, eventually.

1:22:28 Adam What was it? What was it? Which one?

1:22:30 Drew Chi-Sci, it was called.

1:22:32 Adam Chi-Sci?

1:22:33 Drew Yeah.

1:22:34 Adam That's a horrible sounding frack.

1:22:35 Drew Those are Greek letters.

1:22:37 Adam I know, but you know, I've heard of like the Delta and Sammy House, Delta Chi, but Chi-Fi?

1:22:46 Drew Chi-Fi was another one, but this was Chi-Sci.

1:22:49 Adam Chi-Sci sounds.

1:22:50 Drew These are old institutions. They would just give the first two letters. It was before the days of inventing, you know, sort of nicknames for them.

1:22:58 Adam How are you supposed to pick up a chick saying you were at the Chi-Sci? It sounds like a Japanese restaurant.

1:23:04 Drew These weren't those kinds of places. It didn't matter.

1:23:07 Adam All right. Well, anyway, look, that's got to get bogged down. The point is, you've played many a game, I eat the cookie over at the Chi-Sci house, and that's what we need to get out of conversation. All right, now we got to break.

1:23:18 Drew Wait a minute, that was Chi-Fy. Wait, that was Chi-Fy. I think about it.

1:23:21 Adam You were Chi-Fy?

1:23:22 Drew Not Chi-Sci? I hung around with the Chi-Sci guys.

1:23:25 Adam It's like we're speaking in Japanese. Chi-Sci?

1:23:28 Caller Chi-Fy?

1:23:29 Adam So you were Chi-Fy, but you hung out with the Chi-Sci guy.

1:23:34 Drew I think that's how it worked. Yeah.

1:23:35 Adam All right, so you were a Chi-Fy guy, but you hang out with the Chi-Sci guy?

1:23:38 Drew Yes, yes. That's good times.

1:23:42 Adam All right.

1:23:43 Drew Prince Albert was at the Chi-Sci, Prince Albert was at Chi-Sci, the guy that just got to crown the Prince of Monaco.

1:23:48 Adam Prince was a Chi-Fy guy or Chi-Sci guy?

1:23:50 Drew Chi-Sci, he was a Chi-Sci guy.

1:23:52 Adam All right, all right. Ready to take a little break?

1:23:56 Caller Yes, please.

1:23:57 Adam We're, is that Prince Albert of Monaco?

1:24:01 Drew Yes.

1:24:02 Adam Of Monaco?

1:24:04 Drew Yes, Prince of Monaco.

1:24:05 Adam I'd like to start, I want to add the of, like I want to go Adam of North Hollywood. You know what I mean? So if I can bring up some Regal, add a little Regal flair to North Hollywood.

1:24:16 Drew That'd be good. From now on, you'll be Adam of North Hollywood. Or Adam of Corolla.

1:24:21 Adam Eh, Adam of North Hollywood. I need a place, you know what I mean?

1:24:25 Drew Of Los Angeles? Of Hollywood?

1:24:27 Adam Adam of Hollywood.

1:24:28 Drew Of North Hollywood, okay.

1:24:29 Adam Yeah, Adam of Hollywood sounds like I have, you know, gay novelty items.

1:24:33 Drew Yeah.

1:24:34 Adam You know, I sell like, oh, wait, you want, you want, you want the woodpecker dildo? Sure. Well, yeah. With batteries. Okay, well, that's, no, no, it doesn't come with them. You know what I'm saying?

1:24:45 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:24:45 Adam Okay. Let's take a break. Kai Fire, Kai Saga, Dr. Drew, is in Washington, DC tonight. Getting a little punchy. We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this.

1:25:09 Drew Hey, everybody, it's Loveline.

1:25:11 Adam I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew is in Washington, DC tonight, going to address the interns on Capitol Hill. What does that mean, Drew? I know you explained it earlier, but it still didn't make sense.

1:25:26 Drew There are interns here from colleges all over the country that work for our representatives, and they have educational forums for them throughout the summer. This is one of the independent women's forum, where we did some research on these kids and see how much they drink and how much they hook up. We're going to sort of confront them about their behavior, basically.

1:25:47 Adam This is not a lecture, it's an intervention.

1:25:50 Drew Part of it will be.

1:25:52 Adam Independent women's forum. Sounds like a lot of bull dykes named Judith.

1:25:58 Drew No, no, it's good. It's really good.

1:26:00 Adam Really? A lot of hot ass?

1:26:04 Drew Are you high tonight?

1:26:07 Adam All I'm saying is, when I hear independent women's forum, I just hear angry coos.

1:26:12 Drew No, no, it's actually the other side of the aisle, as it were.

1:26:16 Adam Oh, really?

1:26:18 Drew Hot coos?

1:26:20 Adam Really? Are they good looking young chicks?

1:26:22 Drew I don't know. I'll find out.

1:26:23 Adam Whatever. Go to town. Go sick, brother. Go sick. I'm behind you.

1:26:27 Drew Don't worry. All right.

1:26:30 Adam Um, you know, it's, uh, it was about 105 here today, Drew, so you didn't miss much.

1:26:34 Drew I heard. My kids were at Magic Mountain. That's beautiful.

1:26:37 Adam Oh, yeah. I was 180 there. Plus, I got that old sick bald F with the Swifty Lazar glass, just dancing like a retarded maniac. I want to strangle him. I want to strangle him. You know what I want to do? I want to get him together. I want to get, uh, I want to get the, um, the Noid from the Domino's Pizza to add. I want to get the guy who came up with the slogan, What Can Brown Do For You?

1:27:03 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:27:04 Adam And, uh, I want that Greenlight funding jingle. You've got the green light. Ding, ding, ding. I want all those people together, and I just want to put them in one of those old car crushers. Just watch their guts shoot out of the top. That's my fantasy.

1:27:19 Drew Nice.

1:27:20 Adam I want to put down, put down the, uh, the Magic Mountain guy who's driving me insane. And then the next guy on my list, Dr. Bruce, who'd never seen the Magic Mountain guy.

1:27:31 Drew I can't believe that.

1:27:34 Adam Do you understand what it's like? Do you understand what it's like being me now, Drew? So anyway, yes, it's a hundred in the... Even I can't believe that. You can't, right? So it's 170 degrees today, and I'm framing this house in North Hollywood. And I'm just getting the crap kicked out of me by the sun. And I don't know... So here, Drew, would you figure this out for me? The sun is 7 billion miles away from the earth, right?

1:28:02 Drew Right.

1:28:02 Adam Maybe it's 20 billion miles away, right?

1:28:06 Drew Right, right.

1:28:07 Adam Okay. So this orb that is on fire is 20 billion miles above my head. Yet if I climb up a six foot ladder and get on the roof, I'm a thousand times hotter. Now, I moved eight feet toward the sun and I didn't even get into one mile of the six billion miles it was away. Yet all I do is move one head length closer to it and I'm frying now. How does that work?

1:28:35 Drew You know how when you go down eight feet in a pool, you feel like your head's getting crushed?

1:28:40 Caller Yes, yes.

1:28:41 Drew Well, the air, the atmosphere is a little bit that way too. So when you go up just a little bit, it's a little bit less atmosphere.

1:28:48 Adam Are you S-ing me?

1:28:49 Drew I could be, I don't know. I'm just guessing.

1:28:51 Adam You don't know what you're talking about, but you're right.

1:28:52 Drew I don't know what I'm talking about.

1:28:54 Adam And by the way, what the hell was God thinking with man? Like really, I swear my head gets-

1:28:58 Drew Listen, just stop right there. You've asked the ultimate question on so many levels.

1:29:02 Adam My head gets lower than five feet in the pool, I get the bends. My head's gonna explode. I can't, it's like piercing ear pressure. I can't take it.

1:29:12 Drew Yes, me too.

1:29:13 Adam What is that? Why can't, shouldn't we be designed to go down like 20, 30 feet, like a man?

1:29:19 Drew You know what I mean? Yes, when I was a kid, I used to do halibut diving and lobster diving and stuff, also sort of without tanks and things. And my friends always just go, oh yeah, just grab your nose and blow.

1:29:29 Adam You gotta equalize.

1:29:30 Drew Equalize, I'm like, what? Then I get twice the pain in my ears.

1:29:34 Adam Yeah, I don't like those blowhards with their knives on their strap to their calves and their super watches that are good to 8,000 fathoms. You gotta equalize. No, just hold on to your, I'm not, it hurts more that, the cure hurts more than the actual disease when you do that.

1:29:51 Drew Absolutely, yes.

1:29:52 Adam All right, so here's what I'd like. I'd like a world where I could go down like 20, 30 feet and then hang out for like 10 minutes, like a lot of animals. You know, those animals, you know, like those seals and otters and all whales and all, they breathe air. They just go down for like 45 minutes. How freaky is that, by the way, when they're like, yeah, the great whale will dive to depths of two to 3000 feet. Like, and then come up for air, but it needs air? Really? Yeah, how does that work? Well, you know what, I'll tell you, we're pretty versatile with the opposable thumbs and everything, but that's one thing we could, we're definitely pussies at going down like six, eight feet, head's gonna explode. Hold our breath for 25 seconds and then start freaking out. And by the way, what's with this, you can hold your breath 40 seconds. To me, it should be either like 10 minutes or just nothing. You can't go in water. That's a bad design. Like, here's the deal. Oh, you're perfectly fine. You can go in water. You don't even get wet. You can swim and do whatever you want, but you stay under longer and 40 seconds, you die. That just sounds like trouble, right? This is a bad design. We should be made not to go in the pool at all.

1:31:04 Drew Right.

1:31:05 Adam Or be able to hold our breath for five minutes. That's why, you know, seven million infants die in the pool every year. They can't handle the water. Let's work on that, Drew.

1:31:16 Drew All right.

1:31:16 Adam Let's get going. Let's get going. And talk about that to those interns tomorrow. Boss got him drunk. He blacked out, woke up in bed with her. Ooh. Evan?

1:31:28 Drew Sounds bogus.

1:31:29 Adam Yeah.

1:31:30 No, not bogus, guys.

1:31:31 Adam Oh, okay. Well, then it can't be bogus.

1:31:34 No, it's not. I really wish I used a fake name, though.

1:31:37 Adam Okay.

1:31:37 But, yeah, I went on this business trip and I told my boss beforehand that I was getting sober. And she made fun of me. She was like, oh, you need to get drunk. And she said I was no fun anymore. And she pressured me to drink. And I did. I blacked out.

1:31:54 Drew What kind of work?

1:31:55 Passing out. And I remember her jumping on me. And then I blacked out again and woke up. And I was getting oral sex from her.

1:32:03 Adam Oh.

1:32:03 And so my question is, it kind of makes a difference to me in how I feel about it, whether it was a rape or not. You know, I feel like it was, but some people might disagree.

1:32:14 Adam Well, first off, I've learned from watching daytime TV that everything is rape. You know, when I go and drop a number two, I consider it rape. It's everything's rape. So there's nothing, there's no interaction you can have with another human being that's not rape. So that's number one. So we've all been, I'm currently being raped. Number two or three, how hot is she? Cause that'll determine whether it was rape in my book really. Let's be honest.

1:32:40 I did not want to touch her beforehand.

1:32:42 Adam You did not want to touch her?

1:32:43 Yeah, I mean, I never would have wanted to.

1:32:46 Adam What do you do? What kind of work do you guys do?

1:32:50 High tech.

1:32:51 Adam Okay, so here's a deal cause we're out of time. This may technically in the eyes of the law be rape. You'll never be able to prove it. A, you're a guy, B, you're a drunk, C, you know, you're blacked out, which the person doesn't know you're blacked out. Yeah.

1:33:06 Drew More about the carnage of your addiction. And that's how you have to look at this. You have to look at this as this is part of the consequence of your alcoholism. And that's what needs to be dealt with and focused on.

1:33:15 Adam Never woke up being blown, never.

1:33:19 Drew Sorry. I'm sorry, Adam.

1:33:21 Caller It's rough.

1:33:22 Adam Yeah. Although I could have slept through thousands of BJs. I don't know. I never woke up, but I'm assuming I didn't get one. All right. Let's take a break. What do you say, buddy?

1:33:33 Drew Yeah, let's do it.

1:33:34 Adam All right. We'll be back after this. Well, that's it, everybody. That's the show. Yeah. Want to thank Pauly Shore for coming in tonight and tell everyone to watch his show, which is, you know, that Pauly Shore show. Yeah, Mining the Store, Pauly Shore, Sunday night, July 17th, big premiere, 10 o'clock on TBS. Drew, God bless. We'll see you in studio tomorrow night with the All American Rejects.

1:34:33 Drew Absolutely.

1:34:34 Adam And until next time, this Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew is saying mahalo. You just said, hey, wheeze.

1:34:41 Caller Slow down, slow down. I'll kill you. Well, you got to stab you. Where's my black security guard?

1:34:46 Adam Give up.

1:34:46 Caller He's not here.

1:34:49 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:34:53 Caller The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, July 13, 2005