Episode 1000713138258

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:07 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:13 Voiceover This is Loveline.

1:17 Voiceover With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:20 Voiceover Hey, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew's a board-certified physician and addiction medicine specialist.

1:37 Drew Yeah, who?

1:38 Adam Yeah, saw Drew yesterday afternoon at the Dodger game. Yeah. Did you hang out for the Dodger game?

1:44 Drew Yeah.

1:45 Adam You did?

1:45 Drew Yeah, I was, I was plunked because I had a bunch of kids with me, so they wouldn't let me in the fancy box seats where you guys were.

1:50 Adam Yeah, well, it took us like an hour to get in there, by the way.

1:53 Drew So I was with where you plunked all your buddies.

1:55 Adam Oh, really?

1:56 Drew Oswaldo, Ray, everybody.

1:58 Adam Wow, Billy. They're all there.

1:59 Drew Everybody's there, Billy.

2:00 Adam Good times.

2:00 Drew Yeah, yeah.

2:01 Adam Oh, I don't know what happened to my fancy tickets. I must have given away to somebody. So here's what happened. Drew and I, well, first off, I made my triumphant return to the Dodger Hollywood Night of Stars game after about an eight-year exile, longer than MacArthur was away from the Philippines. Do you understand that? I was going to the equivalent of two World War IIs.

2:27 Drew He was kicked out by a famous agent. The guy is about 60 years old. You told him to kiss your ass and that you want to fight with him.

2:36 Adam Well, okay. But am I right or am I right?

2:40 Drew You're right. You're a little over the top. You're right. You're in the right.

2:44 Adam What happened was, is literally eight years ago, I was asked, and this is when the game was hardball.

2:51 Drew Yeah.

2:51 Adam The game we played yesterday, kiddies, was softball. We still had a good time. But they used to play, and then probably like since the 50s or maybe the 60s, they'd have this Hollywood Night of Stars, and Burt Lancaster would be out there with Charlton Heston and Bob Hope, and it was like, by the way, real celebrities. Yes. Now it's just me and the guy who played Bernie in Weekend at Bernie's out there on the mound, hit into like mini me and a bunch of bunch of neighbors on sitcoms you never heard of. And then then there's Drew, if you want to know what kind of celebrity barrel is being scraped. But the point is, is I grew up out here in Southern California. The idea of even going out onto the field at Dodger Stadium was, gave me goosebumps. I mean, that wasn't a maniacal Dodgers fan, but of course, you know, Steve Garvey and Ron Say and, you know, Jaeger and all these.

3:45 Drew Ron Say kicked you off the mound yesterday.

3:47 Adam Yeah. Well, we'll get into that later. Jealous, Drew. The point is, is, you know, Dodgers won a couple pennants when I was, you know, my formative years. Didn't make it out to too many games because, not too many of my friend's dads went to Dodger's game. Of course, you have to rule my dad. My parents would be completely ruled off the list.

4:06 Drew I'm confused you even brought them up.

4:07 Adam Yeah. Well, I was hoping, it's usually one of my friend's dads was into something, I could do it, but they just weren't into it either. So I didn't go, went a couple of games. So anyway, eight years ago, I was a new celebrity. Eight or nine years ago, I've been a celebrity for like 10 minutes. All of a sudden, me and Drew, I don't think The Man Show was on yet.

4:25 Drew No, it was still for Loveline.

4:26 Adam Me and Drew are going to go play at this Hollywood night of, and I was, oh, oh, I'm going down to Dodger Stadium, and we're playing hardball. And I like to play hardball. And I will swing the bat. And I even thought, you know what, I might even jack one out of here if I go straight down the right field line and the wind is blowing just right. And I catch it just right. Physically, it's possible, because I have hit those in high school before.

4:50 Drew And you did some BP, and you hit them deep to the track.

4:53 Adam I took some BP, and I hit the ball well, and I was feeling good, and I was excited. But I noticed that our rosters were pretty deep. They probably had 21, 22 people on each team. And I also noticed that, according to the scoreboard clock, we're starting at like 5 o'clock, and the Dodgers were coming on the field at like 6.05 or something. By the time the first pitch was thrown out, we had about 45, 50 minutes to play this ballgame. So I said to my A-hole coach, who I'd never seen before, who I thought was just a coach from the Albuquerque Mudhens or something. I thought he was like a triple A coach. I didn't know he ran show business. I said to the guy, he was wearing a Dodger uniform and everything. Obviously, he took it pretty seriously. I said, coach, I can see, you know, I mean, I did the math. There's 22 people on our team, and I don't know the coach, which means he's been playing with a lot of these people for the last six, eight years. He's going to put them in. He doesn't know who I am. So I'm going to go up to him and say, coach, just want to let you know, some guys ain't that interested in playing like Drew. Other guys are into it like myself. So I'm ready to go. And secondly, I got some game. I don't know why that amuses people so much with me. Whenever I tell them anything like, oh, you know, I'm pretty good at it. What is that? What is that? Curse. I understand I'm marginally goofy, but do they have to actually start laughing at me?

6:17 Drew You can't be funny, be a comedian and be an athlete. Just you're not supposed to be. It's supposed to be funny.

6:21 Adam Okay. Maybe that's it. Maybe. And I'm just being sensitive. But anyway, he looked at me and he just gave me that look like who the F are you? How did you get down on this field and sit the F down? And he just stamped at me. He said, don't tell me how to coach this team, now sit down.

6:37 Drew And then he started calling for Steve Baldwin. Yeah.

6:39 Adam And then I was like, I was like, oh my God, I pissed the coach off. And I was like, no, coach, you know, and he's like, sit down. So I just go sit down and I sit down. I say the guy next to me, oh man, he's pissed. This is bad. And so the game goes on. Of course, I'm not in the starting lineup. And then before you know it, he's starting to weave people in and out of the game. Boozler, right field, Baldwin, you play Rover. Not Alec Baldwin, any of the other ones. But the point is, is he's looking at guys to my right and guys to my left while I'm sitting on the bench and just staring at me and just saying, sit there. So now I'm looking at the scoreboard clock and I realize about nine minutes left in the game. And I'm not going to play. And I got there an hour before everyone else did and took batting practice, was warming up, I'm running around, I got my oiled my mitt the night before I went to like the batting cage for two days. I realize I'm going to do the entire celebrity game sitting on the bench watching Elaine Boozler run to third from home plate. This is what I'm going to do. So now we're running out of time and he says, Baldwin, and I think it was Stephen Baldwin. He says, Baldwin, get back, get up there. Get up, where's Baldwin? And it's just, it's one of these loosey goosey things. People are hitting out of order. People are doing their own thing. Baldwin, who's already been at the plate.

8:01 Drew Three times.

8:02 Adam And by the way, who's one of these guys, it looks fairly athletic, but put a bat in his hand. We'll see how he looks.

8:07 I'm going to pray for you two, Adam.

8:09 Adam What's that?

8:10 Drew That was Steve Baldwin.

8:10 Adam Oh, that's Steve Baldwin. Oh, he prayed for me.

8:12 Drew That was, are you a Mormon? Thanks.

8:14 Adam Oh, yeah.

8:14 Because you're obviously such a retard.

8:18 Drew Yeah.

8:19 Adam And by the way, what kind of Christian calls a guy a retard? Point is, is Baldwin cannot be found. And so I realized this is my only opportunity to get in this ball game. I pick up a bat and I start heading for home plate. No one cares. There's no order. There's no umpires or anything. And he grabs me, where are you going? I said, I'm going to hit, coach. He's like, no, sit down. I said, Baldwin, I don't know where Baldwin is. And he's already hit and the game's going to be over. I'm not even going to play. And he said, sit down. And I just turned around and I said, if you, boss, if you. And this guy.

8:55 Drew And kissed my ass.

8:56 Adam And kissed my ass, old man. And he's one of these guys who I don't think has ever been told to f off. It had to have been like a good 30 years because I think he was a high powered agent or something. He's used to people kissing his ass. He flipped out. Because you know those people, there's people that are used to being told to f, getting told f off all the time. There's ones that act like they've never heard the f word in their life. He freaked on me. And he said, he's a little guy. I was like, go ahead and bring it, Pops. I'll give you a nice ass whooping right here in front of the 10,000 people. I will just lay smack down on you, Pops, right here, right now. And he was like, he's freaking. And then so we were separated and I went and sat back down and he sat back at the other.

9:37 Drew He came over to our side.

9:37 Adam That was later.

9:38 Drew Oh, really?

9:39 Adam And what happened after that is the next guy, not Baldwin, but I don't know, Corbin Burnson or something who did he did get to bat instead of me.

9:48 Drew Yeah.

9:49 Adam Hit like great, like, like trinkled one back, trickled one back to the pitcher.

9:55 Drew Yeah.

9:55 Adam Where the pitcher just sort of bare handed it and threw it underhand to the first baseman for the for the third out. I was like, great call, coach. Way to go. I was the only guy heckling his own coach from his own bench. Yeah. Way to get a sadly ending, coach. So he freaked out and ran over me again, in which case I gave him the invitation to bring it on. Pops again. Big shouting match. Got to separate. And then I had to go over to Drew's team where I was exiled until the rest of the game.

10:19 Drew We talked to Gonzalez.

10:21 Adam No, we talked to Luis Gonzalez. Luis Gonzalez turned out to be a big Loveline fan, so that was cool because they were playing the Diamondback. And so then I had to hang out there for the next 10 minutes. The game ended and then I was banished from the game for the next eight years.

10:35 Drew Until your triumphant return.

10:36 Adam Until my triumphant return.

10:37 Drew As coach, pitcher, and manager of a team last night.

10:40 Adam That's right. Thank you. Thank you and mahalo. Drew, what happened with you? What did you go? One for two or something?

10:46 Drew Just fine. I don't have a lot of game with me like that. First of all, I've got very, very talented baseball playing sons. Very talented.

10:53 Adam Which makes me think your mom, your old lady, your wife, that is. No, no. Cheated. That ain't you.

11:01 Drew It was in a dish. She might have selected something.

11:04 Adam She may have gotten something. She may have gotten something off the internet.

11:07 Drew Certainly it's nothing for me because that is not my sport.

11:10 Adam No. What is your sport? What's your sport? Ask them all? A football, yeah, okay. Now, what did you do your first time up?

11:17 Drew I can't remember.

11:18 Adam What'd you bat, two times or three times?

11:20 Drew Twice, got a base hit once.

11:21 Adam First time, second time. Well, second time, I told you don't swing so hard.

11:25 Drew Yeah.

11:26 Adam And you listened to me.

11:27 Drew And you wish I'd swung harder.

11:28 Adam I wish you'd told Drew when he came back, you should've swung a little harder.

11:31 Drew It was a tying run at that point, because somebody came out and hit a home run after that.

11:34 Adam Oh, okay, all right, all right. Anyways, it was a hard fought, but hardly, I would say, hardly contested.

11:42 Drew Hotly contested.

11:42 Adam Hotly contested ball game. And we came out. We didn't lose. We just ran out of time.

11:48 Drew Phone number again is 1-800-LOVE-190. Yeah, it was back and forth. I mean, three homers every inning by each team.

11:54 Adam Yeah. Well, they put the fence in too close.

11:56 Drew Yeah, they did.

11:57 Yeah.

11:57 Adam There were, you know, the homers that just barely made it. And then the ones I hit.

12:01 Yeah.

12:03 Adam Yeah. People are curious how many times I got up, how many homers I got.

12:06 Drew Well, three for three.

12:07 Adam Same number, by the way.

12:08 Drew Two for two?

12:09 Adam Two. Two times. Two homers.

12:10 Drew Nice.

12:11 Adam Would have been three. I've got up a third time. Thanks. Jen?

12:15 Hello?

12:16 Adam Jen? There she is. You're 20?

12:18 Caller Yeah, I'm 20.

12:19 Adam What's up?

12:20 Caller Well, I'm six months pregnant. And since about the third month of my pregnancy, I can be pretty much anywhere, like at work or anywhere, and I'll have an orgasm just random.

12:34 Drew Yeah. That's all that progesterone and all that pressure, those two things for some women create that.

12:41 Caller It's frustrating for me because I can't have one during sex.

12:45 Drew Oh, really?

12:46 Caller Not during sex, not during masturbation or oral sex, nothing but just random. And it gets to the point where it gets so wet, I'll be working or something, and it looks like I've basically peed or something.

13:04 Drew But you got to wear a pad on.

13:05 Adam You got to wear a pad. How far is she? How far along?

13:09 Drew Six months?

13:10 Caller About six and a half months.

13:11 Adam All right. Your guy is around?

13:14 Caller Yeah, he's around.

13:16 Adam First kid?

13:17 Caller Yes.

13:18 Adam All right. You guys are going to get married?

13:21 Caller Soon.

13:22 Drew How dare you assume that she isn't married?

13:24 Adam How dare you?

13:26 Drew All right.

13:26 Adam Well, you wear a pad. No, who the hell? All bets are off when you're six months pregnant.

13:31 Drew It's true, but why can't you have orgasm with sexual contact? That is bizarre.

13:36 Adam Because women are effing with us. That's why. Uh-oh.

13:40 Drew What happened this weekend? What happened?

13:42 Adam Nothing.

13:42 Drew What happened?

13:44 Adam The whole thing is that there's some kind of tampon rolled into a Rubik's Cube, you know? You never know. Why this? You have an orgasm with a vibrator, but yet when I hold the vibrator, yeah, that's too much. What?

14:02 Drew Right.

14:03 Adam So you alone with the vibrator alone is fine. If I go down on you and you hold the vibrator, no way. No way.

14:09 Drew Let's pretend I'm not in the room.

14:11 Adam What is that?

14:12 Drew Pretend I'm not in the room, you hold the vibrator, close your eyes. I'm not in the room. No, no, no, no, no, no.

14:17 Adam Yeah, I know. I know. It's, hey, look, so that's my point. Why try to, you know, why try? It's like trying to figure out why man's in kills. You know, it's like, who knows? You're a mad man. We don't know.

14:28 Drew All right, but anyway, the high levels of progesterone are androgenic. They have sort of testosterone-like effects. Some women are sort of geared up by that. And then the pressure of the baby bearing down on the pelvis sort of causes that area to swell all the time. And that adds to orgasm and the last trimester, very typically.

14:44 Adam Speaking of pregnant, you were with my main man, Oswaldo, last night up in the seats. Oswaldo had the misfortune. And it's happened to many people in their life. Heavy Set Gal came by. The new job site we're on and making a new TV show, got a new job site. Heavy Set Gal came by to pay a visit. Oswaldo did the little bun in the oven thing with her. No bun. Just a lot of it. A lot of it, no bun.

15:12 Drew What's how she reacts?

15:13 Adam Always uncomfortable, obviously. But the point is...

15:16 Drew Oswaldo can't speak.

15:17 Adam Thank God. He can hide behind that horrible accident of his. But the point is...

15:22 Drew Amin, are you hungry?

15:23 Adam I would never. I am so freaked out. That is my worst nightmare right there. That is to call and say, like, how many months along are you? Or when are you expecting to have a chick just to look at me and go, I just got a fat ass?

15:37 Drew Yeah, you don't even do it. I don't care if she's got quadruplets and she's not half as pregnant. You do not say what's happened, what's going on.

15:44 Adam Yes, that's the thing. I don't care if a Calista Flockhart shows up in a unitard with a medicine ball stuffed in the front of it. I won't say anything. I'll rest my beer on it before I say anything. If they want to talk about whether they're pregnant, that's fine. I could say that the kid could be breaching.

16:05 Drew Yeah.

16:05 Adam The kids could be crowning. The head could be coming out of the vagina. I would just stand there.

16:09 Drew Yep.

16:12 Adam So Dodgers, your couple games under 500 this year, we say head coming out, umbilical, dragging the kid by the umbilical cord. We just sit there, we just stand there and watch it. I would not say a word. I will never put, see, this is what everyone has to learn, everybody.

16:29 Drew You only have to do it once and you learn it.

16:31 Adam I'm wondering what percentage of people in their lifetime have done this.

16:36 Drew It feels like a big number.

16:38 Adam It feels like, yes, and because it's so horribly uncomfortable. And by the way, as a woman, it's time to lose some weight. You know what I mean?

16:49 Drew By the way, if somebody were to say that to you, wouldn't you be sort of grateful on one hand? Be like, ho ho ho, I got to take care of this.

16:55 Adam No, well, I would, first off, yes, I'm pregnant, would be my answer, even as a dude. You know what I mean? Like, if I was a chick and somebody came and said, like, when are you expecting? Like, six weeks. That's it.

17:09 Drew Last week.

17:09 Adam Yeah.

17:10 Drew But the point is, though, that's a message. You should get mad at the anger of the person who said it. You should go, ho ho ho. Thank you, I didn't realize.

17:17 Adam They probably do do a little ho ho, and they don't oftentimes get mad at the person. It's just horribly uncomfortable no matter how you slice it. You know what I'm saying? I just don't say anything. That's all. Let me impart a lesson to you, Kitties, tonight. You never really get into trouble for not saying anything.

17:38 Drew That's true.

17:40 Adam You always get in trouble for saying stuff. All that gossipy stuff, you know that stuff where people go, look, I'm going to tell you something, but you've got to promise that don't say it. I even stop them. Don't even tell me. Yeah, it's like, I killed a man in Reno. Don't need to know. Don't need to know any of that stuff. That's the best way to go through life. Do not pipe up. Everyone be quiet. Let's try it with Tim. Tim, you're 20?

18:09 Caller Yes.

18:10 Drew We don't want to know what the problem is.

18:11 Adam No. Whatever it is, it's your business. You take care of it the best way you see fit. You know, it's none of our beeswax. Besides, we can't tell you what to do. Only Tim can tell Tim what to do. Drew and Adam can't tell Tim what to do.

18:27 Drew Just in case, though, go ahead and tell me the problem.

18:29 Caller Yeah, you can. That's why I called you. My ex, somebody that I was hooking up with called me the other night and told me that she is now showing signs that she has HPV.

18:43 Drew What do you mean she's showing signs? You mean she had a pap smear and was abnormal?

18:46 Caller No, she said that she's too afraid to go get tested and she now has warts.

18:52 Drew Alright, well that's not showing signs. That's having it.

18:55 Caller Okay, well, she had HPV and she didn't actually have the warts when we were hooking up.

19:05 Drew So you think she got them from you?

19:07 Caller No, I wasn't sexually active before her, so...

19:12 Drew So she's just manifesting now. She probably, maybe she's had them and feels guilty now or something. Wait, did you use a condom?

19:19 Caller No.

19:20 Drew Well, you got them and as does...

19:23 Adam He has to have them?

19:24 Drew Pretty much. Two-thirds of your friends already have them too, so just relax.

19:27 Adam Two-thirds? You brought up from half, like two years ago. He's calling from Newport.

19:32 Drew Oh, see. Just doing the math.

19:34 Adam Well, that's how they do it in the OC, but Tim was a virgin before he met her, so, you know, he doesn't run with a, which you call a fast crowd.

19:42 Drew All right. So the point is very, very common, and it doesn't mean anything for you, particularly. Most of the ward viruses go away spontaneously in about three to five years, but some persist. You are essentially always contagious, whether you see the wards or not, and it's just a reminder to wear a condom. And for her, she's got some issues. She's got to be very careful with her regular pap smears.

20:03 Caller And should I start shelling, or?

20:06 Drew If you do, you get them taking off. It's important. There will be a word virus, by the way, vaccine out very soon. There are at least two different vaccines being studied and they have like extreme efficacy. They look great. So this is going to be, I mean, basically every young person in the world is going to get this vaccine.

20:22 Adam Oh, really?

20:23 Drew Yeah. It's going to be a huge deal when it comes out.

20:24 Adam Oh, and then it's.

20:26 Drew Then by the way, what are the people?

20:27 Adam Will your kids get that?

20:29 Drew Yeah.

20:29 Adam It'll be open season for sex then. Yeah.

20:32 Drew No, what it will do is. Game on.

20:33 Adam It will remove. With the Pinsky plan.

20:35 Drew It will remove cervical cancer, basically. It will eliminate cervical cancer.

20:38 Adam Game on.

20:39 Drew However, what are the anti-condom foe is going to do? Oh, yeah. This is their big thing. Oh, you can get the wart virus still.

20:45 Adam They'll come up with something to complain about. They don't like people get in line. Let me tell you what I love about life, Drew. Tell you a couple of things I love about life.

20:52 Drew I didn't know there was anything.

20:53 Adam No, I do. I'll tell you the one thing I love about life. We just got them at this celebrity softball game. I like the idea, by the way, that probably the three guys in the game with three of the best physiques out there were the three of the worst hitters, most likely. That's what I love about life. Michael Clark Duncan.

21:11 Drew Huge guy.

21:12 Adam Michael Clark Duncan, who was in The Green Mile and many other things.

21:15 Drew You know what I noticed is that you can really start to see, after about 45, you start to see effects of aging. I felt it myself, too. I'll tell you, you can't swing the bat.

21:24 Adam Drew, you couldn't swing the bat when you were nine.

21:25 Drew No, I could when I was 14.

21:27 Adam Please. I saw it. When did we? We played the first game. We were like 22 when I played my first Dodger game. We were no good. How dare you?

21:34 Drew I'm better.

21:34 Adam No, especially swinging the bat. That's one thing. It doesn't matter.

21:39 Drew Yeah.

21:39 Adam All right. I mean, it does with many.

21:41 Drew You could see he was a sprint.

21:42 Adam No, the guy looked like an idiot. Hope he's not listening. The point is, Michael Clark Duncan is 6'6, 6'7. He's probably about 2'65, 2'70, and about 4%.

21:53 Drew He's slimmed down a bit, too.

21:54 Adam He's slimmed down a little, about 4% body fat. Nothing but arms and a 30-inch waist. Looks like he could just make a fist and pound you into the pitcher's mound like a cartoon. The only thing is, you can't get the ball out of the infield. That's what I love. And then John Lovitz, who looks like basically a Tom Turkey. John Lovitz looks like a hant and three chins. Gets up there and hits a home run. That's what I love about life. And then I realized what the professional athletes, so the guys that are built like Michael Clark Duncan, but have the bat speed and fluidity of the John Lovitz or yours truly. You see what I'm saying? Now you mix them both. Now you get to that level.

22:38 Drew Did you stand next to the Dodgers? They're big, huge guys.

22:40 Adam Well, baseball players are getting big.

22:42 Drew Huge.

22:42 Adam They didn't used to be big. It was Ron Say.

22:45 Drew Ron Say was there.

22:46 Adam Here's the other thing I can stand either. I'm pitching for the team and I give up like three home runs in a row. All I'm doing, I'm softball pitching. I'm just pitching underhand. I'm trying to put the ball in play. The whole thing about it is I want to get the game going. I want to pitch strikes. I want people to hit the ball, put the ball in play. I don't care where they put it in play. I'm putting a little bit of arc on it, but I'm just throwing it over the plate. I get three home runs hit in a row. Ron Say comes out. He's clowning around. Give me that ball. He's going to cut me. He's going to pull me. He's going to relieve me. He goes in there. Now, Ron Say then proceeds just to throw the ball the exact same place. I threw the ball, except for, of course, the next two guys just ground out. You know what I mean? And then he comes walking off the field and looks at me like, see how we do it? See how we do it? Like, I...

23:33 Drew By the way, that was your camera crew that put everybody up to that stuff.

23:35 Adam Oh, really?

23:36 Drew Yeah, you talked to your producer.

23:37 Adam Oh, OK. But the point is, is would Ron Say throw the ball any differently than I throw the ball? Why does the next three guys have to just just hit slow moving grounders back to the pitcher? Why does that work that way?

23:49 Drew Great Magnet.

23:51 Adam I thought I heard the Great Magnet on my side.

23:53 Drew Evidently not.

23:54 Adam All right. Let's take ourselves a...

23:56 Drew Oh, number 1-800-LOVE-191. Give us a call.

23:59 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

24:02 Caller Hello. This is your radio. Love Line will be ready.

24:30 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191-ER. Saw Mr. and Mrs. Smith this evening.

24:41 Drew How was that? I bet it was good.

24:42 Adam It's good.

24:43 Drew Yeah, I bet.

24:43 Adam Yeah.

24:44 Drew Look good.

24:44 Adam Good chemistry.

24:45 Drew I want to see where the world comes out.

24:48 Adam Yeah, I do too.

24:49 Drew Yeah.

24:49 Adam Yeah, it's good. Everything's good.

24:51 Drew My own again, appreciate the Loveline support I've gotten from my show on Discovery Health Channel Wednesdays. It's basically midnight. Check your local listing, but also anybody that is feeling supportive of discoveryhealth.com, please write a positive review. I greatly appreciate it. I feel the love of the Loveline listeners.

25:09 Adam I saw your big billboard today.

25:12 Drew It's by your house. You just saw it for the first time today.

25:15 Adam Yeah. Well, OK.

25:16 Drew You see it when a fly farts.

25:19 Adam I know.

25:20 Drew And you did it as a five-story billboard.

25:23 Adam I know. This is a huge...

25:24 Drew You know, clearly you've been screening this out.

25:26 Adam Billboards come in sort of three sizes, you know, sort of regular, medium and then big ones. This is jumbo. This is all jumbo, all Drew, and one of the busiest intersections in this city and one that I live near. You know, here's where I realize, I'll tell you what happened. First off, I'm not working at Kimmel anymore, so I no longer go down Highland and go in that way. As a matter of fact...

25:49 Drew Two weeks? Two weeks you haven't gone out there?

25:52 Adam Oh, Kimmel? No, it's been a month. And the next thing is, is I actually avoid that stretch because it's so bad I turn on to the... I go down Highland, get to the Hollywood Bowl, and then I turn on the freeway or go on Kawhi or go whatever. But no, last few weeks I've been going into the Valley, and then I realized that after doing that... George Lucas, AFI induction, black tie thing last week, we drove right at it, but I was in the back of a town car, and I guess we're from the back seat or something, you couldn't see up at it. I don't know what it was, but I just saw it for the first time today. I was blown away. It looked good. I mean, you know, the problem is I was going down Highland.

26:39 Caller Blown away.

26:43 Adam I was, I was going down Highland, I caught out of my left eye, and I wasn't running at it. I'm gonna run at it tomorrow.

26:51 Drew It'll probably be gone by tomorrow. I actually don't know how long I'll be there.

26:54 Adam No, listen, you know, I just thought of something, and Drew probably thought of it too, but he's gonna be too modest to say anything. Go take a picture of it.

27:00 Drew Yeah, yeah, people keep telling me that.

27:02 Adam Go do it. I mean, just, you know, there's certain things that are stupid that you shouldn't do, and then there's certain things you just should do. You got a billboard in the biggest intersection in town. Go take a picture of that, because you're never, ever going to see that again. Never, ever. No, go get a picture of that thing.

27:20 Drew Yeah, be smart.

27:21 Adam It would be. Well, you got a camera in your phone, right?

27:24 Drew Yeah, yeah, you're right.

27:25 Adam Just go do it. Oh, now you got that Bluetooth thing, so the camera's in your eye, right?

27:30 Drew Yeah.

27:30 Adam You just wink your eye and it's like, sh-ching, right?

27:32 Drew Yeah, it's in my lens, in my eye. It goes back to the retina.

27:35 Caller Wow.

27:35 Drew Which the camera's a planet.

27:36 Adam You're like, a six million dollar man. Jim? Jim?

27:41 Caller Hello?

27:42 Adam Hello?

27:43 Caller Hi, I have some Germany or Florida.

27:46 Adam All right, we're ready to go.

27:47 Drew How weird is, hang on a second, Jim. Jim from Tracy, California. It's Jim Tracy.

27:51 Adam Yeah.

27:51 Drew How weird is that? Well, Dodger.

27:53 Adam Yeah, I know, but no one.

27:55 Caller What's up, guys?

27:56 Caller You guys are awesome.

27:58 Adam Thank you.

27:59 Caller Listening to you all the time.

28:00 Adam Thank you.

28:00 Caller All right, so I have some Germany or Florida.

28:03 Adam All right.

28:04 Caller All right.

28:06 Caller Mother locks her 12 year old son in basement to protect him from Pitbull, it's one of the pets. The son finds a way to get out.

28:17 Drew You heard about this?

28:19 Adam No, I'm going Florida though.

28:20 Drew That's what I'm thinking too, Florida.

28:20 Adam Because it feels black to me, you know. I don't think they got those in Germany anymore. Jim, we're going Florida.

28:27 Caller You're going Florida?

28:28 Drew Florida.

28:28 Adam Florida.

28:30 Caller Drew and Adam?

28:31 Drew Florida.

28:32 Caller You are correct, it's Florida.

28:33 Adam Thank you. Thank you. Well, what happened? I just heard Pitbull, basement. I just thought Schwarzer. That's what I thought. I'm not even Jewish and I thought Schwarzer.

28:44 Drew Oh, boy.

28:45 Adam Yeah. Go ahead.

28:46 Caller Yeah. So, yeah, he got out of the basement and the dog killed him.

28:52 Drew Awesome.

28:53 Adam Yeah. What's with the Pitbull thing when you have kids?

28:58 Drew 12-year-old, the kid doesn't...

28:59 Adam Oh, the kid was 12?

29:00 Yeah.

29:01 Adam Oh, all right.

29:02 Drew But what's with the locking them?

29:04 Adam How about locking the Pitbull in the basement?

29:08 That's a good point.

29:09 Adam Well, and that's why they call it Germany or Florida. You know, I mean, if everyone locked their Pitbull in the basement, instead of locking their adolescent in the basement, we wouldn't have Germany or Florida.

29:17 Drew That's what I'm saying.

29:17 Adam All right. Very sad. Now, that also really could work for our other game show I'm working on, which is definitely not a joke. That story would work. The story would be excellent for that, too. So we'll keep that. When we launch...

29:35 Drew We need to launch that on the radio. We need to do a test.

29:37 Adam It's definitely not a joke.

29:38 Drew We'll pilot.

29:39 Adam All right. All right.

29:40 Drew So screeners, would you get a couple that are definitely not Jewish?

29:45 Adam Yeah. Anytime you hear some guy shot himself with a BB gun in a steak bed truck and it rolled into a swamp, that kind of thing, that's how you play definitely.

29:54 Drew They could screw with us, though. See, they could really throw a few little curves.

29:57 Adam Nah, this one isn't really a game. It's just definitely not a joke. All right.

30:03 Drew No, no, no. We'll start with one.

30:04 Adam You want to start on one? All right. Let's talk to Tiffany, who's 22. Tiffany?

30:09 Hello?

30:10 Adam What's up?

30:12 My question is, my fiance seems to be like a five-minute man.

30:17 Drew And that's not enough for you?

30:19 No, definitely not. How do I make him longer?

30:22 Caller Go last longer.

30:24 Drew Well, you really can't. He can start in on something other than intercourse.

30:29 Adam Yeah, the meter's running when he begins oral sex on you. That's the way I look at it. You know what I mean? So maybe he can...

30:37 Drew Make sure Tiffany sees it that way.

30:38 Adam Do you like oral sex?

30:40 Yeah, that's fine.

30:41 Drew Oh, see?

30:42 Adam Not really, though.

30:44 Caller No, it's not bad.

30:46 Drew It's not bad. That's not what we call a ringing endorsement.

30:49 Adam Well, does he do a bad job of it or on it?

30:53 No, no, not at all.

30:54 Caller I just like for it to last longer.

30:57 Drew No, he means oral sex. Does he not know what he's doing with that?

31:01 Actually, we haven't got too much into that, so maybe I should try doing more of that.

31:07 Drew Yeah, Tiffany, that would be good.

31:08 Adam Well, no, wait, try receiving more of that.

31:11 Oh, okay. Okay.

31:13 Adam Well, hold on a second. Tiffany, turn your radio down. She's calling from Bakersfield.

31:19 Drew Okay, that explains everything. All right, Tiffany, here's the deal. Let's not enter into that territory again. There's a medication going to be coming out probably within a year.

31:27 Adam Oh, listen, no, no.

31:29 Drew No, there is, though.

31:30 Adam But first off, they don't have penicillin or aspirin in Bakersfield yet. There's tail, but some of this will be coming soon, but not yet.

31:38 Drew All right, so for the rest of people outside of the Bakersfield area that may be listening to this call, there will be a medicine that will at least double or triple guise times, very short-acting medicine that limited side effects. The research looks extremely good with it.

31:49 Adam Tiffany?

31:50 I'm here.

31:51 Adam What does, what are you doing in Bakersfield, by the way, and why can't you get out of there?

31:57 I like it here.

31:58 Drew You go to school? You work?

32:00 I was born here, so I don't know no other place.

32:03 Adam Yeah.

32:04 Drew I should say no. I should say no. Because if she did, I mean, I'm just saying.

32:08 Adam I'll tell you, listen, if you could just move into a refrigerator box that was in hell, it would be a nice step up. A huge step up from Bakersfield.

32:17 Drew What do you do there, Tiffany?

32:19 I actually am a mentor.

32:20 I work with kids.

32:22 Drew A mentor?

32:23 Adam No, no, she said centaur.

32:25 Drew Yeah, half woman, half goat. Half goat.

32:27 Adam Yeah, yeah, they don't have mentors, they have centaurs.

32:30 Drew Yeah, centaurs.

32:31 Adam Yeah, centaurs. Yeah. Is that what you are?

32:35 Caller Yeah.

32:35 Adam Do you play the lute and yell at Hercules?

32:41 Caller Yeah, I'm one of the goddesses.

32:43 Adam Yeah, baby. Now, what do you do with those kids?

32:46 Usually try to help them in school to be more productive.

32:49 Drew This is like a...

32:50 Adam But in Bakersfield, this is your own family, right?

32:54 No, no, no.

32:56 Adam Really? Man, you must... And there must be a never-ending supply of kids from effed up families.

33:03 That's true.

33:04 Drew Well, there you go. Well, there you go. Well, it's smart.

33:06 Adam No, I mean... If you're going to sell Gatorade, go to a hot place. Yeah. You know what I mean? And if you want to work with troubled kids, go to Bakersfield.

33:16 That's very true.

33:18 Adam And what is your five-minute man do?

33:21 He's a truck driver.

33:22 Adam There we go. Now it's starting to smell a little more like Bakersfield. So here's the thing. Let him or force him to give you some oral sex.

33:35 Caller Okay.

33:36 Adam Because he is not going to add too much time to... Unless... Okay, hold on. Here's the thing. If a guy's with a girl and they've been together for like a few years and the guy's just sort of... You know, he wants to get his. Then, you know, he doesn't care, then all bets are off. It's like sort of judging what someone looks like when they're just going out of the store to get a newspaper. Yeah, well, the guy didn't shave, but you can't judge him. But if he's trying and he's not doing a good job, then he's a five-minute guy and there's really nothing we can do about that.

34:11 Drew Sometimes if they sort of ejaculate, pull a bullet from the chamber ahead of time, that's sometimes some guys that works for him.

34:18 Adam Tiffany, how long have you two been together?

34:21 Caller About five months.

34:24 Adam Yeah, he should be at his best right now.

34:28 Drew Not only that, they need to be exploring other avenues.

34:31 Adam He needs to give you some oral sex. He hasn't offered any of that?

34:35 Caller No.

34:36 Drew It's time you do that.

34:37 Adam Do you enjoy that?

34:38 Caller Yes.

34:39 Drew There we go. Okay. Case closed. In the story.

34:41 Adam Speaking of mentoring, you're going to have to work with some of those kids on that too. The man's oral technique is very important as he gets older.

34:50 Drew Okay.

34:50 That's very true.

34:51 Drew All right.

34:52 Adam How old are these kids you work with?

34:55 From the ages of six to ten.

34:57 Adam All right. Are you doing a good job?

35:01 I like to think I am.

35:02 Adam What's the number one problem they have?

35:05 Behavioral. They can't seem to mind their teacher.

35:08 Adam Yeah. They act out and they're all guys, right?

35:11 Yeah.

35:12 Drew They're all getting beaten on by the families.

35:14 Adam Yeah. That's what we do. We just have these effed up families. Dads get drunk. They beat on their kids. And then their kids are sort of unleashed on to society. And by the way, when you have a dog that's a bad dog and a dog that's abused or a dog that's aggressive and you just leave the gate open and the dog runs down the street and mauls a kid, it's your fault. Who the hell gets sued? They sue the dog or they sue the owner? Of course they sue the owner.

35:41 Drew They kill the dog.

35:42 Adam They kill the dog and sue the owner. We got a 12 year old kid who's smacking teachers and beating the crap out of other kids. Let's go ahead and take the parents to task there. How about it? Nature or nurture? Forced them to step up and have some responsibility. And by the way, those people understand that concept with the dog. They keep the gate closed.

36:04 Drew Right, at least have an evaluation. And sometimes it's not the parents' fault, but they're doing everything they can kind of thing. But then society will step it a little further.

36:10 Adam Then bad genes, that's their fault.

36:13 Drew All right, let's keep going.

36:14 Adam All right, I'm just saying the fact that we can crap out as many kids as we want, we can abuse as many as, I mean, look, Drew, knowing what you know, knowing what you know, if there was a child and that child was physically, ritualistically, physically abused, or at least consistently, physically abused, and then that, as a youth, and then that child somewhere in high school, you know, just all of a sudden in a fit of rage, picked up a baseball bat and hit, I'm not going to say your kids, but a friend of your kid, and he killed the kid with the bat.

36:52 Drew Get the parents.

36:53 Adam What should the parents, what is their copability? Murder, two, manslaughter?

36:58 Drew Something.

36:59 Adam Manslaughter?

37:00 Drew You'd have to prove that they had been physically abused.

37:01 Adam Okay, but you do prove that. Manslaughter? I mean, the kid, the kid will get murder one, but what do the people?

37:07 Drew I don't know.

37:08 Adam What does Dr. Frankenstein get for creating this in his lab?

37:11 Drew That's a good question. I don't know, but something.

37:14 Adam It wouldn't happen if they weren't beaten on the kid. Yes?

37:17 Drew How about grandpa?

37:18 Adam Or grandpa? I mean, now you can just go back to the Mayflower. Start exhuming people and putting them on the stand.

37:24 Drew Right.

37:25 Adam It's awesome. Just a sack of bones on the stand with the prosecutor yelling, answer me, are you too scared? You can't handle the truth.

37:35 Drew Imhotep?

37:36 Adam Yeah. All right. Here's my point. I, if that kid, if I found out that kid was abused by his dad and he took the bat to my kid, I would want that something punitive to happen to that person.

37:51 Drew Agreed.

37:51 Adam All right. But as a society, can't judge, can't judge. Not only can't do anything, we can't even think anything.

37:56 Drew It's called the abuse excuse. How dare you?

37:58 Adam Wait, we can't think. No, no. Mm-mm. How dare we? Jason?

38:03 Caller Yes, sir.

38:04 Adam You're 28?

38:06 Caller Yes, I am.

38:07 Adam What's up? Good.

38:09 Caller Oh, right. Yeah, I watched, Dr. Drew watched a show the other night. Yeah. For a couple of reasons. Actually, me and my wife, we both have physical disabilities, pain disabilities. I have fibromyalgia. My wife has RSD.

38:26 Adam Drew just hears junkie whenever he's there, by the way.

38:29 Caller Actually, I am an addict. So, a recovering addict. So, but one of the biggest...

38:35 Drew Hang on one second, one second.

38:37 Adam Shocking.

38:39 Drew But there's an interesting corollary in this, is that the fibromyalgia from addiction usually gets better in about a year. So, let's see how far it's recovered.

38:45 Adam What was fibromyalgia? Was it chronic fatigue syndrome? Was it FG bar? It was just like... It was depressed people who wanted to do drugs. Thank you. Jason, go ahead.

38:55 Drew All right. How long have you been sober?

38:59 Caller About 20 days now, so I relapsed about like four times, so...

39:03 Drew That fibromyalgia will get better in about six months by itself.

39:06 Adam Can we just stop calling it something?

39:08 Drew It's mostly a sleep disturbance in the early parts of recovery because your sleep is a mess, right?

39:13 Caller Well, yeah, that's been a problem. Another thing, too, is the pain because coming off of the painkillers, you know, taking so many for so long has made the pain worse.

39:23 Drew Yeah, but the pain also will mostly go away in about another two weeks, generally speaking. Anyway, what's your question?

39:30 Caller So, two questions. One regarding that was me and my wife, unfortunately, we only get because of both of the... Mainly her disability, actually, is that we only get to have sex maybe about once every six months if we're lucky. So, one thing is, you know, how can we improve that, you know, different positions or whatever? Because her, you know, with her, with the RSD, you know, she has, you know, a lot of back problems and leg problems and everything.

39:56 Adam What's RSD, Drew?

39:58 Drew Reflect Sympathetic Dystrophy. It's... Yeah, I think she knows about it. It's an autonomic dysfunction in an extremity, usually.

40:05 Adam Is it an actual something?

40:06 Drew It's an actual something. It is, you know, here's what I think that is. It is an actual something, and it's a dysregulation. It's a severe disorganized, you know, you know that the thing you had done for your sweating? Yeah. That's kind of how they treat this kind of thing, too. It's that system is sort of disorganized, not working right. Yes.

40:23 Adam Speaking of sweating, was it about 170 in here?

40:26 Drew I know.

40:26 Adam Thank you.

40:27 Drew All right.

40:28 Adam Yeah.

40:28 Drew But it's associated with what?

40:31 Caller She actually had the spinal, because watching your show with the Orgasm-A-Tron, she actually had the spinal cord stimulator implanted for the RSD also. Yeah. And she actually got, she didn't get the stimulation the way that, I guess, one doctor found out by accident.

40:47 Adam Didn't get the orgasm.

40:48 Drew Yeah. Yeah, but she had. They can position it. They can change the positions in such a way that it can do that.

40:51 Adam Why can't she have sex with you, though?

40:54 Drew Because she's a, here's the deal, here's the deal, because she's a sexual abuse survivor.

40:58 Adam Nope. Sexual abuse in the past?

41:01 Caller No, not sexual abuse. She's had physical abuse from her ex-husband.

41:05 Adam Jason, I hear. Oh, go, yeah, but go back, go back to her dad, go back to her grandpa.

41:12 Caller Well, the main thing is the physical, basically, is that she can't, is because it causes too much pain for her, is the thing. All right.

41:21 Drew All right. So, yeah, so I think spinal cord stimulator for somebody like you might be an excellent alternative. The fact is that they found that these spinal cord stimulators, they put in to sort of affect the way pain is, is read by the spinal cord. If you put it in the right place, what actually cause or help cause orgasms?

41:36 Adam Drew, you know what I need? I need you to put together one of these wallet laminated little cheat sheets for me. So like, you know, it's like RSD and you just write equals sexually abused. And then so like when I'm talking to someone, they're like, I have fibromyalgia and I can be like, oh, chunky. Oh, OK. Because sometimes you're not with all, especially with all like the PSD and the PTSY and the BFD and everything. It's like you're not sure. So wait a minute, is this guy? Did this guy get in a motorcycle accident or he's just depressed and strung out on Vicodin?

42:10 Drew Here's the thing I want you to remember about all this, though, is that we want to sort of lay this off on psychological problems. But the stuff he's describing actually are neurobiological. This is his brain not working right. Yeah, his brain can't regulate pain. Hers can't. There's all kinds of crazy, what's called autonomic dysfunction. Their central nervous system aren't working right. And it's not psychological because you almost can't reason, you can't treat them out of it very well.

42:35 Adam Well, either way, it's like somebody's schizophrenic and you're just saying, come on, get it together, buddy.

42:40 Drew Exactly.

42:41 Adam It just can't be done.

42:42 Drew There's a part of the brain called the insular cortex that sort of elicit, it sort of determines the emotional valence or importance of a stimuli. And it doesn't work right in people with chronic pain syndrome. It puts extreme importance on every little pain.

42:55 Adam You know that when a woman was sexually abused for some time, she's going to have, what is the...

43:02 Drew All kinds of pain.

43:02 Adam What is the one, what is the main one they have with the...

43:05 Drew Pelvic pain.

43:06 Adam Yeah, but with the PO., pelvic...

43:08 Drew PTSD.

43:08 Adam PTSD, pelvic... Post-traumatic.

43:12 Drew Post-traumatic. Oh, oh, you're the...

43:14 Adam Yeah, what is that one?

43:15 Drew And amyotriosis or...

43:16 Adam Yeah, it's a conflam... Pelvic...

43:18 Drew Pelvic inflammatory...

43:18 Adam Yeah, is it PID? Yeah.

43:20 Drew What do we hear? They give it a different name. Well, it's infestational cystitis. They call it that.

43:24 Adam Yeah, anyway, there's about 15 of these things that just equal either nuts or high. And it's just good if you would get me this thing, I could, you know, because I don't want to attack some guy with Lou Garrix screaming his uncle abused him sexually. Well, you know what I'm saying?

43:40 Drew You know to do that, but only when you intend to do that.

43:44 Adam Get out of that wheelchair, faker and then, you know, dumping him then yelling get up while the crowd gathers going, come on, quit faking. And then and then the kick in the ribs. It can get ugly. It can get ugly. I could be asked to leave the theater. Let's take a little break. Pregnant and smoke pot, smokes pot. All that after this.

44:10 Loveline, we'll be right back.

44:31 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. Who's that, Anderson? The Gorillaz.

44:38 Drew Our buddies.

44:39 Adam Our buddies. Our good pals, the Gorillaz. Miss those guys. Man, do I miss those guys. Man, do I miss those Gorillaz. Yeah, 1-800-LOVE-191er. Jennifer?

44:52 Drew Yes?

44:52 Adam You're 19?

44:53 Caller Hi, I'm Murdoch from Gorillaz. You're listening to Loveline with Adam Drew.

45:02 Adam I just had a horrible, visceral, like Vietnam-type, PTSD-type flashback.

45:08 Drew Yeah, to those guys. And then immediately fall on the heels of that was images of black grape and the darkness blur.

45:14 Adam Man, I hate all those A-hole bands. What a pain in the ass those guys are.

45:18 Drew All right, Jennifer, what's up? We got one minute here. Here we go.

45:20 Caller Okay, I am pregnant and too much pregnant, and I read in the magazine that if you smoke blood, it helps with your nausea, and so I tried it, and I've been doing it like lately because it's been-

45:32 Drew Jennifer, you must stop doing that, okay? Unless you want to endanger your pregnancy.

45:36 Adam But High Times says-

45:37 Drew Yeah, please stop doing that and talk to your obstetrician about what you've done.

45:41 Ask her what she read.

45:42 Adam Contributing editor Chong mentioned that-

45:45 Drew What's your question, Jennifer?

45:47 Caller Well, I'm also, I'm manic depressive and schizophrenic, and I'm on antidepressants, and the antidepressants they said are probably worse.

45:55 Drew Which one is it? What are you taking?

45:57 Caller I take Effector, Trazodone, and one other one. I don't even know what it is, right?

46:01 Drew Okay. They are not been proven to cause birth defects, but they're not approved for pregnancy use.

46:08 Adam What's the problem with weed? Come on, man. It's an herb, and it grows in the earth. It's a natural herb. You know, it's natural, like a tsunami or an alligator.

46:18 Drew Amanita phylloides, when you lick it, you'll die in about four minutes.

46:21 Adam Yeah, or like a water moccasin or a viper.

46:24 Drew Yeah, it's natural.

46:25 Adam It's a natural, man, or like a cactus.

46:28 Drew Yeah, Jennifer, please talk to your doctors about this. Listen, I'm concerned about this whole pregnancy. You're bipolar, schizophrenic. If you stop your meds, it could be disastrous from the standpoint of your illnesses. Now you're endangering your pregnancy with the things you're doing.

46:41 Adam Well, what about the weed? How many people smoke weed while they're pregnant and know it? You know?

46:46 Drew Or very, very early, you mean?

46:47 Adam Yeah.

46:48 Drew Probably a couple exposures. Probably not that big a deal.

46:51 Adam Probably not.

46:52 Drew But you keep using it at the age of the pregnancy. They will.

46:55 Adam The weed. Early. Better at eight months than at one month. What do you think?

47:00 Drew I think, I don't have any data for this, I think better at eight than one.

47:03 Adam Toke out, bust that bong out at eight. We'll take a quick break and we'll be right back after this. He was the custodian on a breakfast club, yeah. How are we going?

48:17 Drew We on the air?

48:18 Adam Hey.

48:20 Drew Thank you.

48:20 Adam All right.

48:20 Drew All right, 2800LOVE191, it's Loveline. We're still Adam's regaling me with these stories about his first outing as a coach.

48:29 Adam Trying to figure out which celebrities we knew from where. And I think the first baseman.

48:35 Drew He had dark hair in the movie.

48:37 Adam Yeah, he was kind of the truant guy from Breakfast Club.

48:41 Drew He was the teacher that kept coming in and kicking their butts.

48:43 Adam Yeah. Yeah. But I don't know if he was a teacher or he was like a vice principal or something.

48:50 Drew He was the guy doing the detention.

48:52 Adam Doing the detention guy was the guy who played first base. Yes. Okay. All right. You ready to rock?

48:57 Drew Let's go.

48:59 Hey guys, real quick. You know how old I am? I actually snuck in to Dodger Stadium when I was a kid.

49:04 Adam Really?

49:05 And can you imagine sneaking in there now with the terrorist threats and all that? But yeah, I was like four in the morning. My friend Jack Os friends and I snuck in there and ran the bases. It was great.

49:13 Adam Oh, when you. Oh, we mean there was no game going on. Oh, like four a.m. You just hopped the fence and got in there.

49:19 Drew It's cool.

49:19 Adam I can see that being kind of cool.

49:21 Drew Yeah.

49:22 Adam Yeah. I snuck on to the Universal Studios tour when I was a kid.

49:25 Drew Really? Yeah.

49:27 Adam It used to be a way you could do it.

49:29 Drew That's how Spielberg got his house now, probably.

49:31 Adam I actually I did it twice. What are you saying Anderson?

49:33 That's how Spielberg got his start. He just hopped off the tram and set up an office and started directing. Yeah, pretty much.

49:39 Caller What?

49:40 He got he got to know. It's a really good story. He got to know the security guard there and the guy just thought that he was supposed to be there every day. And he would just show up to his bungalow and call and say, I'm over on the universal lot. And he got to start that way.

49:50 Adam Wow. That's how Drew got this gig. Wow. Hey, I I snuck in, I was about to say, as a kid, which I did, like I snuck in when I was like 12. But I also snuck in was like 28. Yeah, I forgot. You know, the way you do it as an adult is you'd go through like the restaurant and then you'd get some sort of hand stamp or you'd buy like a thing of fries and get a hand stamp and then enter the park through the back of the restaurant and then somehow work your way back in. But I, Fascinating. That one I did when I was in my late 20s. I forgot about that one. Dan?

50:24 Caller Yep.

50:25 Adam 22?

50:26 Caller Yep.

50:27 Adam Let's see, you're gay? You want to adopt a child with your partner?

50:32 Caller Yeah.

50:32 Adam When you say partner, you mean, you're not a cop, you mean gay partner?

50:36 Caller Yes.

50:37 Drew Life partner, like you and Jimmy.

50:38 Adam Yeah. No, we're cops too though.

50:41 Drew Oh, well, yeah.

50:42 Adam Gay police. You ever hear that cheap trick sound?

50:46 Caller Yeah.

50:47 Adam So, yeah. So what about it?

50:49 Drew What's the question?

50:50 Caller My question was basically is what, is that going to have like an effect on the kid when he's growing up or is like he's going to grow up pissed off or?

50:59 Adam Yeah. Listen, whenever you adopt a kid, half the kids that are adopted, it'll screw anyway, because whatever reason they got taken away from their parents or their parents dropped them off, you know what I'm saying?

51:10 Drew Well, there can be issues.

51:12 Adam Nature and nurture, there's usually a couple issues there. This isn't going to help, but it's still hell. Whatever it is, too loving fill in the blank, women, men, whatever, it's going to be better than what they would have got, and they'll be fine.

51:25 Drew There's no really deep data yet on gay couples and adoption, that kind of thing.

51:32 Caller I mean, would it be fair if I adopted a younger, like instead of like maybe-

51:37 Drew No, if you're an adopter-

51:38 Adam Adopt a 23-year-old.

51:40 Drew Yeah, you want to adopt somebody-

51:41 Adam Adopt a guy who's a year older than you.

51:43 Drew You try to get somebody at the moment of birth.

51:44 Adam You can have sex with them, too.

51:45 Drew You don't want a bond that's disconnected with the parents, that is what screws kids up.

51:51 Adam Yeah, what you don't want is a three and a half years old.

51:54 Drew No.

51:55 Adam And then the second thing you don't want, or at least I wouldn't want, is that open adoption crap. Weirdo, white trash mama coming by every couple of weeks. Honey.

52:06 Caller Don't want that coming by the house.

52:08 Adam No, no, I mean, everyone thinks this open adoption thing is so great because it has the word open in it, I think. It's sort of like, oh, look at you, you donated an egg. No, you sold it for eight grand on the internet. You didn't donate anything. And by the way, open adoption, you gave your kid up for adoption. What it is is you didn't feel like you're up to raising the kid, either emotionally or financially, so you let someone else raise. You can just come on and visit it, like you dropped your dog off at a farm.

52:37 Caller Yeah, it's like I don't want someone's crack whore mom coming by the house trying to show interest in somebody's kid.

52:41 Drew All right, stop, Dan, he's bogus.

52:44 Adam Dan's not gay.

52:45 Drew I know.

52:45 Adam Sorry, Dan.

52:46 Drew Well done.

52:47 Adam Nice try with the gay, Dan, but we ain't buying it. Are you? Thanks. Hang up, you boys. Dan, you ain't gay.

52:56 Drew Come on, Dan.

52:56 Adam Dan, be honest.

52:58 Caller I swear to God.

52:59 Adam No, you're not.

53:00 Caller You want to talk to my coworker?

53:02 Drew Your coworker?

53:03 Caller My coworker? I'm at work right now.

53:06 Adam Oh, well, that, yeah, he'll be able to straighten this right out.

53:09 Hey, ask what Dan did today.

53:11 Adam What did you do today, Dan?

53:13 Caller Well, I went hot tubbing with a friend.

53:16 Why didn't he go to the Gay Pride Parade?

53:18 Adam Yeah, what about the Gay Pride Parade where Drew was Grand Marshal of?

53:22 Caller That's the 25th and the 26th and I'll be there.

53:24 Who's today?

53:26 Adam Oh, hold on. First off, listen, Sergeant Friday, Sergeant Fag Day.

53:32 Drew Anderson, they don't hear him.

53:33 Adam Oh, they don't hear Anderson? Here's the other thing, too. Sometimes they can hear Anderson, sometimes they can't, which is always ultra confusing. First off, Anderson, why do you know so much about the Gay Pride Parade?

53:44 Caller Well, actually, it was in Beverly Hills and it screwed everything up. I was trying to get it across town. Everything was shut down and I was pissed off.

53:50 Adam Oh, Anderson was trying to get it to a gay bar in Silver Lake and he was pissed that it's a parade.

53:54 Caller Very inconvenient.

53:55 Adam Yeah.

53:55 Drew But number one. All my gay friends do not have the jack-off jean. And Dan's just like, got the jack-off jean.

54:00 Adam No, gay guys have the same jean the chicks have when it comes to prank phone calls, which is no jean. Sorry.

54:07 Caller Were they?

54:08 Adam Dan.

54:09 Drew Yeah.

54:10 Adam Gays don't have the prank phone call jean, therefore you can, or don't have the jack-off jean, which means you cannot be gay.

54:18 Drew You can't be making the, I don't want to crack whore mom's code right here. Yeah, yeah.

54:22 Adam They don't have that. Your kind does not permit those kinds amongst the ranks. Now the phones fall apart. Between Anderson and the phone, I don't know what that is.

54:31 Caller No, he's saying nothing and I'm on air right now.

54:33 Adam Okay.

54:34 Caller Well listen.

54:34 Drew Thanks, Anderson.

54:35 Adam Boy, it would be great if it was the other way around, wouldn't it?

54:38 Caller Well, you guys answered my question for me, so.

54:40 Drew Yeah, that and I tell you that I do have-

54:42 Adam Let me talk to your coworker to confirm your gayness, though, by the way.

54:46 Caller Okay.

54:47 Adam All right. What's his name?

54:49 Caller His name's Cloud.

54:51 Adam Cloud.

54:52 Caller I confirm my gayness.

54:54 Drew Tell him I'm gay. Yeah, tell him I'm gay.

54:56 Adam Yeah, there you go. Cloud.

54:59 Caller Yep.

55:00 Adam Cloud, have you ever seen Dan blow a guy?

55:03 Caller No, I haven't.

55:04 Adam All right. And what else? Does he ever take any me days, doesn't show up at work, is just going to take a me day?

55:11 Caller No, he really is gay.

55:12 Adam He's really gay?

55:13 Drew He's really gay.

55:14 Adam You have a confirmation of that?

55:16 Caller Yes, I very much know that he's gay.

55:19 Adam Are you gay yourself, Cloud?

55:21 Caller No, I've actually called before.

55:23 Adam Oh, okay.

55:24 Caller And I worked at an adult bookstore down in Southern California.

55:28 Adam Oh, okay.

55:28 Caller And I've actually called before.

55:29 I'm the guy who called actually about my girl.

55:34 Adam Just don't care. Just don't care.

55:36 Drew And there is actually do have one concern with the gay male.

55:39 Adam Dan sounds like he'd be a delightful gay daddy, though, doesn't he? Yeah. And by the way.

55:42 Drew He's not 22 even, sounds like he's 16.

55:44 Adam Okay, well, if he is, the gay part's not gonna screw him up, the Dan part's gonna screw him up.

55:48 Drew Right, and that's the part I do have concern with, is that gay couples and monogamy and longevity, they need to be a stable couple that really is gonna stay together.

55:57 Adam I like the idea that Anderson's question for the potential gay man was, when's the gay pride prime?

56:02 Caller That's a good one, though, but also I just figured out that El Cerrito's way up north, so there's no way he'd be down here anyway. So I was thinking Cerritos.

56:09 Adam Fred Siegel's, they're sponsoring a float this year, what's it look like? Okay, you're right, poppy seeds and what? And mustard, all right, you dodged your bullet. Yeah, we got him on the ropes. And by the way, he didn't know when the Gay Pride Parade was.

56:23 Drew Well, El Cerrito, 1-800-LOVE-191 is here as the number on Loveline.

56:27 Adam Let me explain my take with the Gay Pride Parade. Let's just treat it like the Indianapolis 500. Let's just have one. Let's have a big one, Indianapolis. I'm just saying, does every city need three a year? You know what I mean? Let's just have one big ass jamboree. You know, where everyone could just show up. Welcome gays, big sign. You know, some kind of, you know, some kind of deal from Southwest Airline where, you know, you and your life partner fly, life partner flies free. Hey guys, just all going to one big, get all out of your system. One big chaps, you know, nipple clamp fast, and then pow back to your jobs wherever you are. Each city doesn't need their own. That's what I'm saying.

57:09 Drew There you go.

57:09 Adam You know what I'm saying?

57:10 Drew Yeah, I know what you're saying.

57:11 Adam You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying.

57:12 Drew Each city doesn't need its own fill in the blank, frankly.

57:15 Adam Yeah, yeah, all of them, everything. All the parades, all the whatever pride, all the whatever your culture, whatever it is. Let's just do it in one designated place. As a matter of fact, how about you just go back to wherever you came from and do it there? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's the best place to do it. Then every day is fill in the blank day. Yeah? Yeah. But you moved here because you didn't like that place. But you want to have a parade celebrating. You know what it really is, Drew?

57:46 Drew Oh, no.

57:46 Adam Here's basically what this country is. Here's what it'd be like.

57:49 Drew All right.

57:49 Adam Okay. Me and you are gay.

57:52 Drew Yeah.

57:53 Adam Okay. So what?

57:55 Drew How dare you?

57:55 Adam New engineer is filling in Sunday Night Rick over here. Me and him, we used to be married, me and Rick.

58:01 Drew All right.

58:02 Adam Me and you used to be married and we lived together for a long time, me and new engineer Rick.

58:06 Drew And you've left him for me.

58:07 Adam I left him because he beat the crap out of me on a daily basis. And then when I told him my wounds hurt, he urinated in them and stung them even more.

58:17 Drew Quite a guy.

58:17 Adam It was horrible and abusive. The house was a mess.

58:20 Drew Maybe I'm rotating him.

58:21 Adam The house was a mess. New engineer, Sunday Night Engineer and I, Rick is standing by. Rick and I, we lived together. The house was a mess. The lawn was dirt. There was a sofa out on the porch. The kitchen was infested with roaches and he beat the crap out of me. So you know what I did? I moved in with you. I moved out of Rick's house. I moved into your house. Where it's nice and clean and tidy and everything's good. But once a year I want to have a Rickfest. I want to have a celebration because I'm proud of my years with Rick. That's really what goes on in this country. You moved out of the dump with the cockroaches and with the weeds growing on the front lawn where you couldn't find a job and the abuse of whatever. You moved out, you moved into Drew's house. Why? Because Rick's house sucked. But once a year you close down your house. We're having a party. We're going to celebrate Rick. Hey, you feel good about that, don't you, Drew? Sure. Why not celebrate Rick?

59:19 Drew Yeah.

59:19 Adam I got a lot of pride in Rick. I like to talk about him a lot in front of you. And I like to wear shirts. Rick, I got a bumper sticker on my car.

59:27 Drew I'm liberated. Why would I feel jealous about that? Oh, yeah. Amateur of me.

59:32 Adam But believe me, the house was a dump. It was a dangerous and roach-infested fire trap. But don't worry, I got a lot of pride. Little pictures of Rick tattooed on me, Rick bumper stickers, Rick flag out front of mine. No, I'm in front of your house now. And then it's Rick Day.

59:46 Drew I'm open-minded. And I'm from an open society. And so I have to really accept it.

59:50 Adam That's basically what goes on. Everyone comes here from their crappy country that sucked. And then they want to throw a party once a year for their crappy country that sucked. And that's why they're here. Yeah. Look, you want to... You love your country, go back. Go enjoy it. It's utopia. Yeah. Yeah. You left because they were torturing your family and trying to put a burning tire around you. But it's a great place. Get the flag. Hang the flag. Fly that flag proudly.

1:00:15 Yeah?

1:00:16 Adam You're 15?

1:00:17 Caller Yep.

1:00:18 Adam What's up?

1:00:19 Caller Uh, I just got a quick say. You guys are awesome. Thanks. But I got a two-part question really quick. Here we go. Yeah. I started masturbating like pretty much all night.

1:00:32 Adam But let me tell you something about engineer Rick. I'm like a thermos.

1:00:35 Drew I feel better then.

1:00:36 Adam Yeah.

1:00:37 Drew Yeah, it's good.

1:00:38 Adam Yeah. No.

1:00:39 Drew Let's go have a parade.

1:00:41 Adam I mean a big thermos. I mean the kind. The kind you put soup in. You know what I mean?

1:00:46 Drew Yeah.

1:00:46 Adam Not the one you send in your kid's lunch pail. The one that iron workers guys use.

1:00:51 Drew The big coffee dispenser we push down.

1:00:53 Adam Actually has a pump on the end of it. Yeah.

1:00:56 Drew Yeah.

1:00:58 Adam Stephen?

1:00:59 Drew Stefan.

1:01:00 Adam Or Stefan. But can't this be Stephen too? Or is it something else?

1:01:05 Drew Not with an A.

1:01:06 Adam It's gotta be Ian.

1:01:08 Caller S-T-E-F.

1:01:08 Drew All right.

1:01:09 Adam Go ahead, Stefan.

1:01:10 Caller Okay.

1:01:10 Adam Stefan, go by Steve, would ya? Stefan's gay.

1:01:13 Caller Here we go.

1:01:14 Drew Here we go. Here we go.

1:01:15 Adam I'm trying to help. I'm trying to help you, buddy. Go ahead.

1:01:18 Caller Okay. I started masturbating when I was like 11. Since then, I'm 15 now, but it's just like, I don't know what it is, like the feeling or something, it just kinda isn't the same as when it started.

1:01:34 Drew The bloom is off the rose, Adam.

1:01:36 Adam Yeah.

1:01:36 Drew He's been at it now for two years. It doesn't have the same thrill.

1:01:40 Adam How do you rediscover your hand? I'll tell ya. First off, there's many ways to do it. How about a romantic weekend with you and your hand, where you just get away from school, the pressures of school and peers and stepmom and all that. You just take the kid, you go up to like Idlewild, just go up there, you have some spa treatments, your romantic dinner with your hand. How about surprising your hand? It's all right. How about surprising your hand with flowers? When was the last time you did that?

1:02:08 Caller It's all right.

1:02:10 Adam How come you have to see the movie you wanna see every time? What about the movie your hand wants to see? Your hand wants to see Fever Pitch, but you didn't want to see that. No, you called it corny and sappy. No, you wanted to go see End of Days.

1:02:25 Drew Here's the deal, Stefan. Have you lost sensitivity, anything like that there?

1:02:30 Adam Yeah, and let me tell you something about your hand. You ignore it long enough, it starts seeing other Johnsons. No, let me tell you something, Drew. Hold on.

1:02:39 Drew This may not be a problem with Mr. Hand, though.

1:02:41 Adam I just want to tell you that I ignored my hand. In my hand, it left me messaging.

1:02:47 Drew It took it out on you. Oh, I'm sure.

1:02:48 Adam I came home one day and found it on another penis.

1:02:51 Drew Oh my God.

1:02:53 Adam I was shocked.

1:02:54 Drew How horrible.

1:02:54 Adam It was horrible. It was my best friend.

1:02:57 Drew Oh my God. Whose was it? Whose was it?

1:03:00 Adam It was Chris'.

1:03:02 Drew That's the thermos, right?

1:03:04 Adam Yeah. I was shocked.

1:03:06 Drew Chris' or Rick? Chris?

1:03:10 Adam My old buddy, Chris, yeah.

1:03:11 Drew Chris, I think Chris' the new graduate from junior college.

1:03:14 Adam No, no, no.

1:03:15 Drew His brother, by the way, I saw at Starbucks today and he was elusive about the graduation issue.

1:03:21 Adam Yeah, like saying we're going to happen. But the point is, is do not ignore your hand.

1:03:26 Drew It will stray.

1:03:27 Adam It will stray. And you will pay the price. We've since reconciled.

1:03:33 Drew I'm surprised you still talk to the hands. And Chris, for that matter.

1:03:36 Adam Yeah. The hand, we had, you know, we had gifts. I gave the hand a golf glove. He did, he did one of those things. He never does that. He never does that anymore. He did that for me, made me happy. And, you know, we're back. We're in good shape again. Stephen, Stefan?

1:03:53 Caller Yep.

1:03:55 Adam Yeah. Well, look, this means it's probably time for you to start experiencing a woman.

1:04:00 Drew Well, no way.

1:04:00 Caller Well, I'm not a virgin.

1:04:03 Adam You're not?

1:04:04 Caller No, I'm, yeah. I'm straight, nothing with the hand or anything.

1:04:08 Drew You're a virgin.

1:04:09 Adam What? You're a virgin, though.

1:04:10 Caller No, I'm pretty sure. I lost my virginity when I was like 12, 13.

1:04:16 Adam No, no, no.

1:04:17 Caller I don't know, Stefan, no, no, no, no.

1:04:19 Adam Whatever it is, it's sort of dubious and doesn't really count. You did something, you did half of something once, like maybe in a jacuzzi, brushed up against something outside of a bathing suit. What do you mean? You didn't do anything.

1:04:31 Caller Yeah, pretty sure I did.

1:04:33 Adam Pretty sure?

1:04:33 Drew What does that mean?

1:04:34 Caller It was a while ago. It was like two years ago. It was my mom lived with her boss out in Port Richard, and so, like, she had a daughter named Crystal, and I went out there on the weekends.

1:04:47 Adam Well, the word crystal does make sense. But, no, first off, you would know if you had sex with somebody, number one.

1:04:53 Drew You wouldn't say pretty sure.

1:04:54 Adam And number two, you don't go 12 or 13. You go 12 or 13 when you're 43. You don't go 12 or 13 when you're 15.

1:05:00 Drew Yeah.

1:05:01 Adam It's a year and a half ago. You know how old you were. You know what grade you're in.

1:05:05 Drew Exactly what happened. So stop at seven, please. Give people's names out and stuff. People don't do that.

1:05:11 Caller Okay.

1:05:11 Adam Yeah, well, gentlemen don't do it.

1:05:13 Caller Yeah, I got another question, though. A quick second part question.

1:05:16 Adam Yeah, what was the first part?

1:05:18 Drew I haven't addressed it yet.

1:05:19 Caller That was the first part. But does masturbation have any effect on the size as you progress with doing it? Like, does it have any effect on how?

1:05:30 Drew No, I think that's his concern.

1:05:31 Adam It's not like a tube of toothpaste where you just squeeze all the toothpaste out of it and there's nothing left? I think that happens.

1:05:36 Drew Yeah, nothing like that.

1:05:37 Adam Nothing?

1:05:38 Drew No. No. There's Stefan's all over the place.

1:05:42 Adam Yeah, Stefan is all over the place. I said, well, who names your kid Stefan?

1:05:47 Drew Maybe that's not his name. I didn't tell you, Stefan.

1:05:50 Adam He defended it.

1:05:51 Drew Yeah, you're right. Yeah.

1:05:52 Adam He wouldn't have defended it.

1:05:53 Drew You're right.

1:05:53 Adam Yeah? And who goes by Stefan?

1:05:57 Caller I'm going to pray for you, too, Adam.

1:05:59 Adam That's your name. That's Stephen Paul's one.

1:06:03 Caller I'm going to pray for you, too, Adam.

1:06:07 Drew 1-800-LOVE-191 is the number.

1:06:09 Adam Oh, yeah. You know, when I did Howard Stern, I don't know, a year ago or something, I had a lovely time because I don't know why Stephen Baldwin came up, but I think what happened was is I was doing Howard Stern like a year ago and I was talking to his producer, Gary, and I'm like, so what's the schedule? And he's like, well, Stephen's going to come, Stephen Baldwin's going to come in here from seven to eight and you're going to come in here at eight o'clock and finish out to the end of the show. And I said, good, do me a favor. That Stephen Baldwin, he's a blowhard now. He does nothing but talk about Jesus Christ and Thumpus Bible and everything. So just go ahead and get him out of there by eight o'clock. Then I'll show up at eight and I'll do the, we'll do the news and everything. It'll be awesome. So of course, I'm such an idiot. Like you just can't tell those guys anything. It's of course, I show up at eight and it's like, where, how'd Stephen do? He hasn't showed up yet. He's not here yet. No, he's running late.

1:07:06 Drew Were you actually in the studio?

1:07:07 Adam No, I was out of the studio. Well, when am I going? And we'll go on in. So I go on in and I sit down. It's like, hey, Adam's here.

1:07:12 Drew And then you're in the studio.

1:07:14 Adam I went in after that.

1:07:15 Drew New York.

1:07:16 Adam Yeah, New York. Yeah, I'm sorry. Yes, I was in New York. I'm sorry. I'm sitting in the studio in New York. And of course, I'm sitting there and just making a little small talk. And then, of course, 10 minutes later, hey, Stephen Baldwin's here, buddy. And then Gary, you know, comes up like, yeah, Adam said on the phone yesterday, Stephen was a blowhard. He's dumping his Bible. There's a pain in the ass. We want to get him out of here. But Stephen, sit on down there next to Adam. Adam, is that true? Or what's what's going on? Did you tell that to Gary?

1:07:43 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:07:46 Adam Nice. And of course, when you say the things that are true, it is, oh, what were you talking about? I don't even know. I don't, you know, I don't. I don't remember, first off, even saying some of that. It's like, it's like, oh, very, very, very inappropriate, very inappropriate, very uncomfortable. All right, why don't we come back? I'm tired. Lucy's 29, tempted to cheat on her husband. Don't get sex as much as she wants. Lucy?

1:08:16 Yes?

1:08:17 Adam I don't know any Lucy, like the only Lucy lawless. I bet Lucy's hot. Lucy's a hot sleeper name. You know what I mean?

1:08:27 I'm not a stripper.

1:08:29 Adam No, no, sleeper, like, quietly hot, you know, like Christie's a hot name. Yeah. Oh, no, Lucy. Yeah. What's your nationality? Mexican. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's that's a Mexican name. Yeah. I see the red haired Lucy.

1:08:43 And I parade around.

1:08:45 Drew That's Lucille.

1:08:46 Adam Right. All right. So what's up?

1:08:51 I just want to know how can I engage my husband after four years of marriage? Sex is just is not is not thrilling. I've had better, unfortunately.

1:09:06 Drew What are you missing? What do you need? You want to go to break?

1:09:08 Adam Yeah, we'll go to break.

1:09:09 Drew Hold on, Lucy.

1:09:10 Adam Drew, you act like you're going to give her what she needed.

1:09:13 Drew I'm just curious what she's talking about. What do you miss?

1:09:15 Adam What am I going to put you down for? When you need like a double order of sausage and a side of schlong. Okay, and when you want a little mayo on the side. Put a little mayo on the side. No extra mayo, done and done. Yeah, you want a wet nap with that baby or just?

1:09:33 Drew That comes on back.

1:09:33 Adam Yeah, remember we got to go to the bottomless nut barrel. Just going to get you some nuts. Yeah, yeah, Drew?

1:09:40 Drew Here we go, break it down.

1:09:41 Adam All right, let's break it down. Let's go, let's get on. Let me say this, Drew.

1:09:44 Drew Say this.

1:09:45 Adam I was at Dodger Stadium yesterday, so was Drew.

1:09:47 Drew Yeah.

1:09:48 Adam I went over to that, I was down and they got some new club level thing where you get to eat good food and all that kind of stuff. But went over to the big peanut barrel.

1:09:57 Drew Yeah.

1:09:57 Adam Got myself some peanuts. 55 gallon drum of peanuts. But I just thought about this, probably doesn't go all the way down.

1:10:08 Drew Probably.

1:10:09 Adam Probably a round piece of plywood put there about eight inches down from the top.

1:10:14 Drew Therefore, not bottomless.

1:10:16 Adam Not bottomless and possible midget hiding in it.

1:10:20 Drew Oh, definitely.

1:10:21 Adam I mean, otherwise you wouldn't put the false bottom on it.

1:10:25 Drew It's got to be something in there.

1:10:26 Adam Now, here's the thing, Drew. Do you think that goes to the bottom?

1:10:30 Drew No.

1:10:30 Adam Do you think the thing goes halfway or above?

1:10:34 Drew Above. Above.

1:10:35 Adam It'd be harder to, it's going to be hard to fill. Penis will get stale down there.

1:10:38 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

1:10:39 Adam Okay.

1:10:39 Drew Yeah.

1:10:40 Adam Okay.

1:10:40 Drew Moldy.

1:10:41 Adam Moldy. Take a, and that hole, that cork hole in the side.

1:10:46 Drew So the midget breathe side of.

1:10:48 Adam And a viewing port.

1:10:49 Drew And you know what, people like you come by, you know what happens.

1:10:53 Adam Yeah. When you're at the club level, you use it like a glory hole.

1:10:56 Drew That's what I'm saying.

1:10:57 Adam All right. Boy, what Adam's been at the peanut barrel for like 20 minutes. Boy, he loves those peanuts.

1:11:04 Drew Well, see, those in the no sort of, sort of shorten the name to penis barrel. Penis barrel.

1:11:10 Adam Penis barrel, is that what you call it? Oh, not penis. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back with Lucy after this.

1:11:29 Caller Love Live, Love Learn, with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:11:47 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline and Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Drew and I were just talking about the decent size earthquake we had out here in Southern California this morning.

1:12:01 Drew It's one of these ones that was just a jolt, though. You know, with some of them, they hang on. This one wasn't one of those.

1:12:06 Caller I was in Palm Springs, it was big down there.

1:12:08 Adam Wow. Yeah, because that's where the epicenter was. And you know, the thing about earthquakes, well, I got a couple things. First off, I've lived in Southern California my entire life, experienced many earthquakes. Don't know what one feels like when I'm not in bed, though. I have no idea what it's like when I'm standing.

1:12:24 Drew What is that?

1:12:25 Adam I've never not been in bed when there's an earthquake.

1:12:28 Drew Now, so not a big one. Big ones always.

1:12:31 Adam 4 a.m. to 6 a.m. Decent, decent, decent size ones, or in this case, 8.30 in the morning, but Sunday morning. Right. Normally you might be out of bed, but it's Sunday and you're sleeping in.

1:12:43 Drew And never when you get to bed. It's not 11 o'clock.

1:12:46 Adam No. Ever. And here's a couple of things. First off, if Southern, everyone in Southern California should pay me to stand up because we will not have an earthquake if I don't invert myself and I'll have to learn to sleep like leaning against a cot mattress or something with like a shade on and some earplugs. But I am convinced and I've been here my entire life and been through every earthquake that one cannot hit if I'm on terra firma. If I'm actually standing up, we're not going to have it. So what ends up happening is every single earthquake I've ever felt has woken me up out of a dead sleep.

1:13:25 Drew And there's now by the way, the worst way to experience an earthquake.

1:13:29 Adam Yes, because the whole part about I didn't know what was going on. You know, my wife slept through it and she was like, I had a dream that you'd farted and that the house rolled down the hill. You know, you just have these, here's what your mind does. First off, I don't know why my mind doesn't just quickly jump through an earthquake, but your mind just sort of, here's what your mind does. Your mind doesn't want you to wake up. Your mind says, let him sleep, so they just incorporate some jackhammering into a dream you're having or something like that.

1:14:01 Drew The dog's jumping on you or something.

1:14:02 Adam Yes, something going on in your dream so you don't get woken up. I like that part of my brain by the way that wants me to lie there and just die in my sleep.

1:14:10 Drew That's a big part for you too.

1:14:11 Caller It's huge.

1:14:12 Adam Point is I immediately woke up because I don't sleep very hard and I was like we're having an earthquake and then my next take is fantastic because I have so much like I'm still like I'm in the ninth grade and hope I don't have to go to school the next day. Like I just hope oh good or earthquake man the whole city will fall down. I won't have to do whatever I'm supposed to do even if I like what I do now or as part of my crap is falling down I still am happy that something's going on.

1:14:39 Drew That's an old primitive part of you too but except for that thought isn't there the other thought which is immediately how big how long here we go how big how long because you never know it could be huge and go for two minutes or just like a power and so on.

1:14:54 Adam Yeah and see my whole thing too is I used to do earthquake rehab on buildings. I used to structurally engineer buildings or at least build them retrofit them so they wouldn't fall down an earthquake so I know what's going to fall down what's not going to fall down. Everyone else is scared assless I know exactly what to be worried about and I'm I live in houses that I already retrofitted or I did something too. So when actually when there is an earthquake I have a little feeling like oh come on let's go. You want some keep keep it going. Yeah it's almost because otherwise whatever I did would be a waste.

1:15:27 Drew Right right interesting.

1:15:29 Adam You know what I'm saying.

1:15:29 Drew Yeah you know you have confidence in what you did.

1:15:32 Adam I went through extra time and extra expense when I was working on the house. So if an earthquake hits. So when one earthquake never hits I'm an idiot. Yeah. All right. But actually I'm going to stop thinking that way Drew. Yeah. Yeah.

1:15:45 Caller I was real quick. I was down in Palm Springs in this really retro place and I woke up and I had no idea what was going on. It's a long story but I had to stay with my parents last night and it was like 830 and I went to bed drunk and had no idea where I was. It's like the 50s. My parents were freaking out. It was horrible. I'll never recognize.

1:16:01 Adam You don't have to say drunk by the way. Just say went to bed.

1:16:04 Caller I threw that in there for you guys.

1:16:05 Drew We did the math. We did the math for you.

1:16:06 Adam And please use the more accurate pass down. Are your folks living in Palm Springs?

1:16:14 Caller No, they were down there and I was supposed to visit some other friends but those friends were puking by the time I got to them because they were so drunk so I just went back and hung out with my parents instead. The place was like burnt orange. She just totally Frank Sinatra is strange.

1:16:25 Drew Oh, interesting. Like a motel? What was it?

1:16:27 Caller Yeah, it's like this little motel in the desert and it was just a very strange.

1:16:32 Adam When is our next, and by the way, I remember it seemed like it was about a year ago today they were saying something huge is gonna hit before the year is out or something and nothing hit but we're due.

1:16:44 Drew Oh yeah.

1:16:45 Adam I mean about every 10 years, right?

1:16:47 Drew Yeah.

1:16:47 Adam All right, you ready to rock?

1:16:49 Drew Yeah, here we go.

1:16:50 Adam Let's talk to...

1:16:52 Drew Back to Lucy.

1:16:53 Adam Lucy, yes.

1:16:56 Drew Because you're not happy with your husband sexually. What is it you need from him?

1:16:59 I need intimacy. I need frequency. I just...

1:17:02 Drew All right, well, well, two different things. Intimacy means something. Sometimes he's not sort of emotionally available for you.

1:17:09 Well, I mean, he's supportive in... You know, he's supportive, but... I don't know.

1:17:16 Caller He is supportive.

1:17:18 Drew Okay, so what is it you need from him?

1:17:21 Well, I need frequency also. I need to feel loved and...

1:17:25 Drew Okay. So sex is some way, a way you feel that way. And how often are you having sex?

1:17:30 Right now, it's like... God, once a month is bad.

1:17:37 Drew And what is you're interested in?

1:17:39 It's God, at least, you know, maybe twice a week.

1:17:42 Caller Okay, all right.

1:17:43 Drew That's fine.

1:17:43 Caller A week would be good, you know.

1:17:44 Drew Yeah, yeah. So have you talked to your husband about it?

1:17:47 Yes.

1:17:48 Drew And what does he say? I have a headache, I'm tired, I work hard.

1:17:51 Yeah. And so I know he's not, you know, cheating or anything like that.

1:17:56 Drew No. Yeah, guys kind of double down when they're cheating. They put on their best behavior. Yeah.

1:18:00 He just... He always seems he's tired. And the thing is, is that if we do engage in sex, it's always in the freak morning. It can never be like at night.

1:18:09 Drew And you don't like the morning.

1:18:10 Adam Earthquake time.

1:18:12 No, I do. I do. But I mean, if that's the only time, you know, I've had other sexual relationships prior to being married. And it just, I know, you know, the newness.

1:18:23 Adam All right, Lucy, hold on, slow down. Let me ask a couple of pertinent questions here. Okay. You guys have kids?

1:18:31 We have one.

1:18:32 Adam One kid. And is he cool with that? Or was he freaked out by it? Was it a mistake?

1:18:36 No, he's good. He's a very good.

1:18:40 Drew I just keep hearing nice guy, nice guy.

1:18:41 Adam Everything's good. And yeah, you, did you, do you come from a little chaos?

1:18:48 Who doesn't?

1:18:49 Adam Yeah. Do you know, do you know your dad?

1:18:51 Yeah. My dad's here.

1:18:53 Drew Is he a jerk?

1:18:54 No, no, no. He was an alcoholic, but then he was in an accident, in like a work.

1:19:01 Drew I know it's just like it. Okay.

1:19:03 Adam Well, wait a minute, wait a minute. So growing up, he was an alcoholic and tell you were how old?

1:19:08 I think about, God, I'm going to say about 12 years old.

1:19:13 Drew Yeah. I just think he's here at 13. All right.

1:19:16 Adam 12 years old. And then he got into an accident at work.

1:19:22 And then he stopped drinking because he had to take a lot of medication.

1:19:26 Adam Right. What kind of accident? The calculator blew up?

1:19:32 No, he was a janitor and he fell.

1:19:35 Adam I was thinking CPA. I don't know why. So, all right. So he fell and hurt himself and then just became pain pills from that point on.

1:19:46 Drew All right. So that's pretty.

1:19:47 No, just no, no, no. My dad's good. No, nothing like that. My dad's good.

1:19:53 Drew Well, Lucy, you're the one that just gave us that story.

1:19:55 Adam You said your dad was an alcohol.

1:19:57 Drew Alcohol. Then he switched over to medication. Then he switched to medication.

1:20:00 Yes. And then after the medication, like, I mean, we always thank God that, you know, thank God for the accident because that stopped.

1:20:08 The alcoholism stopped.

1:20:09 And then that type of chaos that was before stopped.

1:20:14 Drew All right. All right.

1:20:15 Adam And by the way, bad, bad sign when you you think, thank Christ, dad was crippled in the accident.

1:20:20 Drew He got strung out on opiates. Yes.

1:20:22 Adam Yeah. Or anything. Yes. Or or got strung out on nothing. But the point is, is crippled. Whenever you think, thank God, dad was crippled. That means dad had to be pretty goddamn bad before whatever accident.

1:20:35 Drew No, not just he. She's thinking quietly to herself. We all always say, oh, yeah, I think Christ, he broke his back.

1:20:41 Adam They would join hands around the dinner table when a bless Nana and Papa. And thank Christ, dad took a spill on a waxed floor and dislocated his lower lumbar and is now cannot hit the booze and hit us anymore. Amen. All right. Let's see. Yeah.

1:20:58 Drew Yeah. And so, Lucy, you sometimes one of the things I keep I'm hearing about this guy is he's nice. He's nice. He's nice.

1:21:05 Adam He's got chaos.

1:21:06 Drew And you need some chaos. Yeah. He might be freaking him out a little bit and sort of he's backing off.

1:21:09 Adam Lucy, listen to me. Liz, you listening?

1:21:13 I'm listening.

1:21:14 Adam You come from some chaos.

1:21:16 Drew Well, there is one of the possibility that he's doing a bunch of drugs and not, not because she could actually be into him, but he's doing drugs.

1:21:20 Adam It's your guy.

1:21:21 What's your, my dad, my husband.

1:21:23 Drew Yeah. Did he smoke pot or anything?

1:21:25 No, no, he's not.

1:21:26 Adam Okay. Here's, here's what's going on.

1:21:28 Drew That's what's disappointing her.

1:21:29 Adam I don't know how to cure this, but here's what's, No, it's not true. Here's what goes on. You come from a little chaos and you have a little energy. Yes. Your husband is a nice guy and he ain't flipping your cookie because he is a nice guy. He's not dangerous. He doesn't have that crazy, chaotic energy. There's nothing to fix on him. He's not a project. Now he is recoiling a little bit because he's freaking out a little bit about your energy. And what guys do is guys become like cats. They just, with a toddler running around the house, they just get up on top of the refrigerator. They're like, I just, I don't want to deal with it. I ain't going. I'm not leaving the house. I'll be up here on the fridge. I don't want to deal with it. And you don't even have to say anything. They just feel that he feels her energy. And he, in a way feels like just instinctively, I don't even know if he knows it on a certain level, maybe, but probably not. His thing is just, I'm just going to stand back and let that fire burn out. Well, what ends up happening is she ends up banging one of his friends and telling him and trying to goose him out of his, get him off the fridge. Now she's going to try to act out enough to get him off the fridge.

1:22:38 Drew Oh boy.

1:22:39 Adam You know what I'm saying?

1:22:40 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:22:40 Adam All right, listen, Lucy, if your dad was an alcoholic and then strung out on whatever, you've got to get some therapy on your kids, perhaps. You don't F up your kid.

1:22:49 Drew And there's a cheap way to do that. You go to Al-Anon, get a sponsor, work the steps. That will have some impact on this.

1:22:54 Adam Anthony.

1:22:55 Caller Yeah.

1:22:56 Adam You're 20.

1:22:57 Caller Yep.

1:22:58 Adam What is up?

1:23:00 Caller Oh man, I don't know. I just wanted to call and ask you guys a painting on something. I got, you know, when I ejaculate, I can shoot at about 15 feet.

1:23:11 Adam Have you measured?

1:23:13 Caller Yeah, I actually had my girlfriend bust up the tape measure.

1:23:16 Adam Really?

1:23:16 Drew And it must be humiliating.

1:23:20 Adam Right from his upper bunk to a stepmother's forehead, which right about 15 feet.

1:23:24 Drew Good times.

1:23:25 Adam Right in the, right in the room.

1:23:27 Drew Nice.

1:23:27 Adam She was doing some, she was, man, wow, wow, wow. 15 feet, she really, and, hold on. First off, is your, is your real carpet?

1:23:40 Caller That's a good one, ain't it?

1:23:42 Adam And now hold on. Is your carpet, is it carpeted? Shag or?

1:23:45 Yeah. No.

1:23:47 Adam Yeah, well, no, no. Where did you test? Here's my thing. If I'm the girlfriend, I'm like, look, let's take this one outside or let's at least move it after the garage or let's put down a slip and slide. Yeah. Or let's go. Let me roll down. I got some six mil visque. We're going to roll that out. Tent this.

1:24:02 Drew What does he do?

1:24:03 Adam I won't find that out. Anthony.

1:24:06 Drew Yeah.

1:24:07 Adam What what what kind of surface were you on when you did this? Were you in the house?

1:24:13 Caller Unfortunately, yes.

1:24:15 Adam Is a carpet. Oh, it's an apartment. You say I'm the guy.

1:24:19 Caller We got wood floors, though.

1:24:20 Caller It's all good.

1:24:22 Adam You did. I was on wood floors. Yes. In your apartment doesn't have 15 feet in it. You just said that kind of guy. It does. Where were you?

1:24:30 Caller Huh?

1:24:31 Adam You were in the hallway.

1:24:33 Caller Yeah, actually.

1:24:35 Adam And you were standing there.

1:24:36 Caller Yeah.

1:24:37 Caller Yeah, I was just standing there. And it's been going on for about six months now. So I'm kind of I was kind of like, hey, come here. I want you to check this out real fast.

1:24:45 Adam And you stood up and you did a little thrust action. And you oh yeah, you give the same trajectory. They do the human cannonball. Sure. With you know, they don't point the cannon flat. They don't point it straight up. It's just that sort of forty five that works the best.

1:24:59 Caller Yeah.

1:25:00 Adam And then she put the tape from where your feet were to where the furthest piece of moisture was.

1:25:10 Caller The furthest furthest piece of spirits is fifteen, fifteen and a quarter or something like that.

1:25:15 Drew Pardon me while I just vomit right now.

1:25:17 Adam All right. Hold on a second.

1:25:18 Drew I'm just going to vomit.

1:25:18 Adam Drew, you understand?

1:25:21 Drew What?

1:25:22 Adam That is from the wall behind you to wall in front of you.

1:25:28 Caller Yeah.

1:25:29 Drew That's a long way.

1:25:31 Adam Hold on. Did he hang up? Was that wind eight?

1:25:35 Drew He said he's on five.

1:25:36 Adam Oh, he's on five. Did you have a wind at your back? Because it's not going to count. It's going to have asterisks if it goes down in the record book. You're indoors, yes? OK. 15-6. It's technical. It's too much. It sounds too far. Even the great Peter North couldn't go that far. Yes, Drew?

1:25:56 Drew I'm out of class.

1:25:57 Adam What do you think about tumors? What do you think?

1:25:59 Drew I don't know.

1:26:01 Adam I don't know. All right. And when you're masturbating, what do you do? Just smack the ceiling fan?

1:26:10 Caller I don't really got to do that too much.

1:26:13 Adam Oh, man. If I was your girlfriend, I would insist that you did at least once before we got together. You know what I mean? Like my old thing is like, oh, I got to get this down, this guy down under 10 feet before we get it all. And I'll be like, you know, blast it off. You know what I mean? The water rocket. Anthony, smoke a lot of weed? All right, listen, whatever you got, that's fine. Drew, could it be some sort of tumor or something?

1:26:43 Drew Nothing I'm aware of.

1:26:44 Adam You're fine. All right, focus on your job and less on your semen and more on whatever crappy job you have, all right? And don't smoke so much weed. All right, God bless you and your girlfriend.

1:26:57 Drew Oh, boy.

1:26:58 Adam 15 foot six sounds, it's too much, Drew.

1:27:00 Drew Yeah, it's a long way. Maybe he swung himself around like a whip.

1:27:05 Adam He did the whip like they do with the ice capades?

1:27:07 Drew Yeah.

1:27:09 Adam Different?

1:27:10 Drew Yeah, we'll just.

1:27:11 Adam All right, all right. Listen, what happened to the whip?

1:27:15 Drew It's still around here and there.

1:27:16 Adam Did they do the whip? It used to be when you went ice skating, they'd do the whip. They'd get a chain of people, like 10 people, a line and keep going around and they whip the person at the end.

1:27:29 Drew I've seen my daughter do that kind of thing.

1:27:30 Adam She's done the whip?

1:27:31 Drew Yeah.

1:27:32 Adam How about whippets?

1:27:33 Drew No.

1:27:35 Adam I miss those too.

1:27:36 Drew Here we go.

1:27:36 Adam All right, we'll take a quick break and we'll be right back after this. Yeah, get it on. It is weird, Drew, that you've never experienced an earthquake where you've been sort of coherent and alert.

1:28:08 Drew It's not only weird, it's disturbing. Because I think it affects your psyche or sleep forever when you live in this town.

1:28:16 Adam Yeah, I mean, I've never felt an earthquake in this town when I've been dressed on my feet and aware of my surroundings.

1:28:24 Drew Right.

1:28:25 Adam It's always, uh, what, what's that? Is this? And then it's like, are we have really?

1:28:33 Drew It's always, it's always, should I run?

1:28:35 Adam Yeah.

1:28:35 Drew Should I get up? Should I start running?

1:28:36 Adam Should I wake up whoever else is in the house? Am I really experiencing this? Am I having a dream about it? Then there's that whole part too. There's this part too. Did you feel that last night? No. Oh, yeah, maybe. I thought I felt something. I didn't feel anything. Well, they're like 4.30 in the morning. I swear, maybe it was a car backfiring. Like there's that part where you think you're crazy too because you're not sure.

1:29:06 Drew Then you're sort of quasi-disappointing because when there are huge ones, there's no mistake in that.

1:29:11 Adam Yeah.

1:29:12 Drew That's a whole different experience.

1:29:13 Adam I'm just saying, would it be possible for me to actually be awake for an earthquake just once? I've experienced 10 good ones since I've lived in this city and never been flat on my back and passed out every single one of them. That's all. Just one where I was up. That's all I ask. Jessica, by the way, the next one, I'm going to be in a tunnel going under a river. God's going to be like, hey Corolla, you want to be awake, right? Yeah.

1:29:43 Caller Have fun.

1:29:44 Drew I'm going to break freeway over past fun. Yeah.

1:29:47 Caller Yeah.

1:29:47 Adam I'm going to be at the top of an extension ladder, changing a flag or something because there's got to be there's going to be now some cruel irony where I'm actually undergoing some form of eye surgery or something where I'm completely lucid and there's a laser that's going to cut my nose off. You know what I'm saying?

1:30:06 Drew Yes, I do.

1:30:07 Adam Wow.

1:30:07 Drew Yeah. So you've set it up.

1:30:09 Adam I've set it up. I've set it up. It's going to be perfect now.

1:30:12 Drew All right, Jessica, here we go.

1:30:14 Caller All right.

1:30:16 Drew Here we go.

1:30:17 Okay.

1:30:18 Drew Here we go. All right, here we go.

1:30:22 Adam Here we go.

1:30:25 Drew Jessica.

1:30:25 Hi.

1:30:26 Adam There we go. Here we go.

1:30:27 Drew Here we go.

1:30:28 Caller Okay.

1:30:30 So I had a couple of questions for you guys tonight.

1:30:33 Adam Here we go.

1:30:34 Drew There we go.

1:30:36 Yeah.

1:30:37 Drew Okay.

1:30:39 Adam Here we go. Okay. Let me ask you something quick, Drew. Now I want to strangle Jessica.

1:30:45 Drew Right. That means she would. I mean, she's an abuse survivor because you always want to abuse, abuse survivors. Right. That's just the way it is. I'm just saying. Right.

1:30:53 Adam Right.

1:30:55 Caller I'm not an abuse survivor. He abuses me every every night.

1:30:58 Adam Something must have happened. Something happened to Anderson. There's some kind of personality disorder there. Obviously, Drew, we'll talk about after the show. Grandfather sexually abused her as a kid. Dad doesn't know. Now, Drew. Yeah. That part where we said, here we go, 26 times and she just did that. Not going to play. And then actually, at a certain point when it seemed like we're going to hang up, said, Well, I'm ready to ask my question. We said, here we go. And she did the same thing again. Is that that passive-aggressive thing that makes me want to strangle all of you survivors?

1:31:30 Drew Yes. Yes.

1:31:32 Adam What is that? Well, obviously, they're angry. I mean, you'd be angry, too, if your grandpa abused you.

1:31:37 Drew It's a particular posture. When horrible things happen to children, the immediate sort of thing the brain does is assume they caused it. It's a way of avoiding the horrible feeling of powerlessness, of having actually something random happen to you. And when they believe something is, that they've caused something to happen, they now go out into the world believing that they control everything and they make bad things happen to them all the time. So every interaction starts with, well, this is my world, I'm in control, this very grandiose sort of landscape and I'm gonna make bad things happen to me. And so they make sure that you react negatively.

1:32:10 Adam I know it sounds like we're making much do about nothing and it doesn't sound like anything to anyone who's listening but I feel it, like a ton of bricks. I feel that sort of anger because I get angry immediately.

1:32:25 Drew You should read that and go, okay, I know this is an abuse survivor who needs my empathic attunement.

1:32:28 Adam All right. Sweetie, how can we help you tonight?

1:32:34 My grandfather touched me for like three years and my mom found out because she read all my diaries but my dad still doesn't know.

1:32:43 Drew Is it his dad?

1:32:46 So I was just wondering, how do I tell my dad?

1:32:48 Drew Is it his father?

1:32:50 Yeah.

1:32:51 Drew That's up to your mom to do, I'd say. You got to get some treatment for what you went through. If you and your therapist decided it's a good idea for you to talk to your dad, that's fine. But otherwise, it's up to your mom to take care of this.

1:33:01 I'm not allowed to go see a counselor.

1:33:02 Caller My mom won't let me.

1:33:04 Drew Why?

1:33:05 Because, I don't know, my mom has like this weird insecurity about counselors and stuff.

1:33:11 Drew Right, because she was sexually abused for a long time. Therapies for losers. True. At least talk to somebody at school. You've got to talk to somebody who's a professional.

1:33:19 Adam Did your grandfather, how old were you when this began?

1:33:23 Nine years old.

1:33:24 Drew Yeah.

1:33:25 Adam And what did he do? Did he have sex with you?

1:33:29 No, but he gave me oral sex.

1:33:31 Drew Oh my goodness. See what I'm wearing.

1:33:33 Adam Scratchy beard, bad Greek fisherman's hat.

1:33:37 Drew Jessica, this is going to affect you rather profoundly. I really strongly urge you to get some treatment for this.

1:33:42 Adam Jessica, please, please, baby. This guy, by the way, should be shot with a goddamn whaler's harpoon. He just should. And you know what they should do with this guy? They should stand him up against a couple sheets of plywood, stand about two feet in front of him, just shoot him with a whaler's harpoon, and just stick him to that goddamn plywood. And then we let my tack cross go on his ass. Just performing oral on your nine-year-old granddaughter just means, in my mind, by the way, murder, I understand. This, you know what I'm saying? Like, unless you have a tumor, you need to be killed. Or if you have the tumor, we'll remove the tumor and then we'll kill you. All right, get some therapy.

1:34:28 Drew Please, just tell somebody.

1:34:29 Adam We'll take a break. We'll be right back.

1:34:49 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:35:01 Adam Yeah. Well, that's a show. Drew and I went to the bathroom down the long hall.

1:35:08 Drew To our favorite bathroom.

1:35:09 Adam And Drew had a wild suggestion because we came at it from a different direction. He said, how about we use the ladies room?

1:35:14 Caller I said, which we did. Tempting.

1:35:17 Adam So we used the ladies room. And not only did Drew use the ladies room, but he used the handicapped stall on the ladies room. So he's two for two right there.

1:35:26 Drew Wild, wild. Tellin ya, breakin it out.

1:35:28 Adam Out of control, Drew, in the handicapped stall, using the steady bar and the tampon dispenser to steady himself while he stood there.

1:35:37 Drew That Discovery Health Channel billboard went up, man. I'm just, wild.

1:35:40 Adam Whizzed all over that goddamn seat, too. Dipped it in urine. It was awesome. All right, so until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:35:51 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:35:56 Adam The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, June 12, 2005