Episode 1000713138200

12:40 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline.

13:00 Voiceover With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Oh, number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Oh, yeah.

13:16 Drew Oh, yeah.

13:17 Adam Oh, yeah.

13:17 Drew What's that number again?

13:19 Voiceover 1-800-LOVE-191.

13:22 Drew Oh, yeah.

13:23 Adam 191, Drew. What's going on, my brother?

13:26 Drew What does Quagmire say? Giggity, giggity, giggity.

13:28 Adam Giggity, giggity. What's going on there, my friend?

13:31 Drew I don't know much. What's up with you?

13:33 Adam You know, doing this new TV show.

13:35 Drew This TLC thing. How's it shaking out?

13:38 Adam It's good. Tearing into a house, tearing up. Storyline is I'm buying my dad's old house, the house I was in in junior high and high school, tearing it up and building it and selling it. And, you know, I'll tell you, you know, you know how I have just ice watered my veins.

13:59 Drew Yes, yes.

13:59 Adam And no salt.

14:00 Drew And no pulse.

14:00 Adam And no pulse. Yes. There are advantages to it, you know.

14:04 Drew Oh, I know. You never get upset about anything. They just get angry once in a while.

14:07 Adam They keep saying to me, what's it like tearing into your old house, your old room, the room you grew up in?

14:13 Drew I was wondering the same thing. It's like asking your dad what it was like to move out.

14:16 Adam Yeah. It's like, I have no fear. I don't think about it. It's just wood. You know, it's like, is that weird? No. Not standing in the room that you were in junior high?

14:28 Drew I mean, it's just going to be a memory. It's never going to be a place anymore.

14:31 Adam No. Well, it'll be master bedroom now. Yeah.

14:35 Drew It'll be a place. It won't be the place you grew up in.

14:37 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Don't care. And here's the thing. Don't think about it ever. But here's the thing I do. And I should have started doing it because there was an ad on the house. And we're trying to figure out what year it was added on. And the work was done. And we busted up on one wall. We're just standing there, like out of a movie scene. She said, I wonder what year this was. 50s, early 60s. And right in front of us, just a big pencil written on the back side of a piece of drywall, you know, that was facing us in the wall in the bay, said, Remod, 1958. And that guy's like Bob Johnson. Oh, I just took a big fat construction pencil, signed his work, put the thing. And it was a time capsule.

15:21 Caller Like he knew.

15:22 Adam And I've run into that before. I've done, I've done re-miles where you run into newspapers and things that people sometimes intentionally or unintentionally leave behind. And I have come across like two by fours that were like signed by the guy with the date next to it. So, you know, 50 years ago, and I'm sure Bob Johnson's dead now.

15:44 Drew And I know you and your ice water veins, I think you'll have none of that.

15:47 Adam No, I looked at it and I thought-

15:48 Drew But you'll be not signing your work.

15:50 Adam No, no, never have. I've never done that.

15:52 Drew That's what I'm saying.

15:53 Adam No, never done that. But here's the thing. You should do it. It is kind of cool. Because houses probably get torn up about every 50 years. And it's about long enough for you to be in your 90s. And they will find your name and the date next to it. And it's kind of cool for them to find out for us to find out exactly what year this thing went down. I had to put the guy's name in a computer or something, try to find him if he's still around.

16:17 Drew That's a good idea.

16:18 Adam All right, write that down.

16:18 Drew One of the very exciting things tonight, we have an iTunes giveaway. First 10 callers that get on the air with an iTunes gift card valued at $99. For those of you who are 18 years of older, the first 10, and then get on the air.

16:31 Adam I'm gonna get my car wired up for that iPod.

16:34 Drew Oh really?

16:35 Adam Yeah.

16:35 Drew How do you do that?

16:37 Adam There's a device, they hard wire it in. Wow. See, I got the cradle. You know, I got the cradle with the goose neck.

16:44 Drew Yeah.

16:45 Adam Do you have that thing?

16:46 Drew No, no.

16:47 Adam The cradle with the goose neck thing is pretty good. Got that kind of universal goose neck thing, plugs into the cigarette lighter, has the cradle. You put the iPod on the cradle, goes through your stereo system. It seems good, except for, I have a car where the cigarette lighter, which is no longer a cigarette lighter in a car, it's an AC adapter, basically. It's a phone cord. In my particular car, it is between the two seats behind me. Oh. It is. So, Drew, as you drive, the gooseneck thing is here. We'll go out and sit in my car, and you'll laugh like a hyena. So now you're driving down the road, and you're trying to change your channel, and you have a choice of going sort of backside with the right hand, which will never work, and the thing just falls over, or sort of reaching across your, it's actually behind me. So impossible to use. So I pass these signs on the boulevard, and it says, you know, iPod, you know, hardwire iPod system installed, 99 bucks.

17:46 Drew Wow.

17:47 Adam All right. I mean, you don't get the iPod. But Drew, you should do that.

17:51 Drew Yeah.

17:52 Adam You get your iPod.

17:52 Drew Can you use the shuffle? Whatever.

17:55 Adam You do, I think, whatever, but you just get it hardwired. Yeah. It's in your car hardwired now. Except for when I call up, uh-huh, what kind of, 2002, I have $449. You know what I mean? Like, why do you always have the most expensive version of everything? Do you know what I'm saying?

18:14 Drew Yeah, yeah.

18:15 Adam $99.

18:16 Drew That's for an Impala.

18:17 Adam It's up 400%. That's a 66 Impala. Yeah, for you, $449. So I'm going for it anyway.

18:26 Drew It's a bait and switch.

18:27 Adam Yeah.

18:28 Drew That's what that is.

18:28 Adam Literally a millionaire, though, so I don't care.

18:30 Drew Back up. Yeah, we're going to talk about the Michael Jackson thing tonight.

18:34 Adam Oh, yeah. Well, I'm the only guy in the world. I was I was working all day and because I'm on a I'm on a construction site. And, you know, I got to have the radio. Can't have the radio on because they're shooting. You know, it doesn't work right. Even though that's the first thing you would have on if you're on a construction site. I didn't hear a thing until I got home. And that's all over.

18:54 Drew Well, let's talk about after a couple of calls.

18:56 Adam All right. I don't I don't know what's going on. Becca.

18:59 Yeah.

19:00 Adam Nineteen.

19:01 Yeah.

19:03 Adam True. By the way, I I I I punch back up 10 minutes ago. There's a going to talk about Michael Jackson. Oh, yeah. Hold on. Yeah. I don't know about that. What's going on? Well, let's talk about after we take the call. Awesome radio. Becca.

19:15 Yeah.

19:17 Drew What's going on?

19:18 Adam What's up?

19:19 Um, well, number one. OK, my boyfriend is a virgin and he's almost 22. And what made me call is because Dr. Drew is talking to whoever is on before Loveline about how Rivers from Weezer is celibate and didn't have sex for two years and how, like, he has wet, he'd have wet dreams and stuff. And so it reminded me of my boyfriend who is really funny because, like, we will not be doing anything and he'll just come.

19:52 Drew It must be raping. All right.

19:54 Adam Well, it's a man of passion, unbridled passion.

19:59 Drew And unexpressed passion, most importantly.

20:02 Well, I mean, like, I'll be, like, we'll be cuddling or something. I mean, it's not like he just standing there and all of a sudden, like, shoots out. But, um, yeah.

20:12 Adam All right.

20:13 Drew He's very into you.

20:14 Adam He's very into you.

20:15 Well, I'm planning on marrying him. Like, we're in love and everything, whatever. But I'm just wondering if that, like, you know, every time we have sex and we're married, it's going to be like he goes in, shoots it out and then it's done. And I don't even get anything out of it.

20:32 Drew Yeah.

20:33 Adam Well, that's what marriage is about. Get used to it.

20:36 Drew Maybe he could do things a couple of times.

20:39 Adam Who knows? You've never, you know, how far have you gotten with this guy?

20:43 Um, not we haven't really done anything like one time in the heat.

20:48 Drew You'd be surprised what you can kind of work out.

20:51 Adam And how do you know you're going to get married? I mean, you haven't even seen his ding-a-ling.

20:55 I am Mormon, so we don't do that before we get married. And so I'm I've had sex before and he knows that I've had sex before.

21:03 Adam You're Mormon?

21:04 But yeah, we're both Mormon. And so we're not going to hold on.

21:08 Adam I like that's like, I'm Mormon and I don't do that kind of thing. Now, I've had sex before. He knows I've gotten it on with, you know, 12 guys, 12 guys. So, you know, I'm sure I've pulled the train. Sure, I've done, you know, double DPs, but he knows I'm Mormon and I don't do that sort of thing. It must be nice to be religious, by the way. Just get to make the proclamation like every 20 minutes.

21:35 Drew Have technicalities.

21:36 Adam Yeah, I'm Catholic and so, you know, killing a man wasn't exactly a first priority, but I did it. I'm Catholic. And I don't do that thing anymore because I'm Catholic.

21:47 Drew You've been forgiven.

21:48 Adam Yeah, I've cleansed myself. Yeah, I'm Mormon. I don't do that kind of thing with him. I did that kind of thing with other guys. Yeah, awesome. No, that must make him feel great.

21:58 No, no. What happened was I didn't go to church for a long time and so that's when I had sex, but I started going back to church and it's been years since I have.

22:08 Adam Fantastic timing for him.

22:11 Drew Yeah, that's still, I'm sure, delights him even more.

22:13 Adam You got back in touch with your Mormon faith.

22:17 Exactly.

22:18 Adam All right. And out of touch with his wanker or anybody's or anybody.

22:24 Drew All right, you guys will kind of work this out. There is a punchy Mormon. There is a medication coming that will prolong a guy.

22:30 Caller Yeah, he's fine.

22:32 Drew Well, this is just coming in about a year. That'll be pretty effective, though it only kind of doubles or triples the time. And if he is shooting off before he gets his drawers down.

22:43 Adam What have you done with him?

22:45 That's my only worry is that when we finally get to the point where we're married and on our honeymoon night and I come out and I'm naked and he goes off without even doing me.

22:58 Drew Hey, you can do that more than once, OK?

23:01 Adam Why don't you see how much weight you can pack on between now and the honeymoon? Slow him down just a little bit. All right, there's a goal.

23:09 Drew There you go.

23:10 Adam All right, baby doll, you'll be fine. When are you getting married? When are you getting married?

23:15 We are not officially engaged, but we're thinking March, so. A year.

23:20 Adam OK.

23:21 That's the plan.

23:22 Adam All right. You're thinking of getting married in March?

23:26 Yeah, March.

23:27 Adam OK. And see, look, here's one. I'll tell you one of my problems. She's 19. She's got to hurry up and get married because she wants to have sex with this guy because she's in love with him.

23:36 Drew That's the way it used to be.

23:38 Adam I know. It's the way it used to be. It forces people to get married at 19 and eight months.

23:43 Drew Because they're dying to have sex.

23:44 Adam They're dying to have sex. First off, who the hell knows what this guy is like? Who knows what their compatibility is like? I'm not really into that thing where you have to, you know, look, I don't think you've got to boink your old lady before you marry her. I would say you have to boink 20 other old ladies and then marry one that you haven't boinked. Am I right, Drew? Sad to say. But you know what I'm saying?

24:05 Drew In the era in which we were raised, yes, that's what you'd think.

24:07 Adam No, I just mean as a guy.

24:08 Drew Yeah, I would think.

24:09 Adam As a guy, you're better off having a series of relationships, some long, some short, a couple of one night stands, just a whole sort of... You know that mixed cereal box, Drew? The little cereal boxes, the variety packs?

24:25 Drew Variety packs, yes.

24:25 Adam And Special K, ironically, that's the fat chick. That's the one you don't really want. But you still, you've had it. You know what I mean? What are you going to do? You ate the sugar smacks, fruit loops are gone.

24:37 Drew Pops? Sugar Pops?

24:38 Adam It's Monday morning and you need some breakfast.

24:42 Drew The product 19 came out.

24:43 Adam The product 19. Time to bust out the product 19. All the sugar in the world, all the bananas in Cuba, ain't going to make it taste like anything other. Product 19, which still, you got to get into it. Point is, we've all had our product 19.

24:58 Drew Yes, yes. Oh, heavens yes.

25:00 Adam What about the sugar pops? You want to do all of them.

25:04 Drew Why just guys, why not girls too? Women.

25:06 Adam Yeah, different biology. Women got a little, women have some of that too though. Women, you know, actually, no, it's bad when women have sex before they get married because they hold it against the new guy. The other guys, guys don't do that.

25:21 Drew What?

25:22 Adam See, chicks would be like, oh man, I had a boyfriend in college. He was, he was hung like a thermos. This guy, or he used to go down on me for days. This guy, or he never, this guy, this guy go all night, you know. They get, you know, we hear it every night, right? They're going like, I got a new guy, and we've been married for two years, and this guy, this guy, this guy busts a nut in two minutes, and I used to, my old boyfriend used to go at it all night, or you know what I'm talking about? Guys don't really do that. Guys just have the, I miss the variety. I miss being out there.

25:54 Drew You're right. You wouldn't have stopped here if you didn't like it.

25:56 Adam Yeah, we stopped here and got married because we liked what we saw or felt or tasted or whatever. But we don't, we missed the moving around part. They will actually hold stuff, even emotional stuff. The guy was sweet as sugar. He used to take, I used to make, you know, make me picnic baskets and all that kind of crap. He sung, you know, you know what I'm talking about? So that's why they shouldn't.

26:18 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

26:19 Adam Yeah. Where was I, Drew? Yeah. Yeah. Variety pack. Go through life. Do that as a guy and then just find someone you're into emotionally and get married. Good enough. I'll buy that.

26:30 Okay.

26:31 Adam All right. Let's talk.

26:31 Drew I got a head of steam tonight.

26:33 Adam Let's talk to James.

26:35 Oh.

26:36 Adam 24.

26:37 Caller Yep.

26:38 Adam What's up?

26:39 Caller I had a question about the difference between epidermitis and testicular cancer, like the feel of it.

26:46 Drew You're not geared to know the difference.

26:48 Caller Yeah. Well, I mean, I want to know if there is like a definite difference so you can tell by yourself.

26:54 Drew You can't tell by yourself. No way.

26:57 Caller I went to a urologist and...

27:00 Drew How many times do I have to say that to him?

27:01 Adam Well, what did the urologist say?

27:03 Drew Okay.

27:04 Caller Well, they said that it was probably epidermitis. I mean, they said it definitely wasn't cancer.

27:09 Drew Right. The doctor can definitely tell because he's felt hundreds of testicular cancers.

27:14 Caller Right.

27:15 But I mean, like in the future, like if...

27:17 Drew You can't tell. You can't tell. You can't tell.

27:21 Caller Right.

27:21 Drew You can't tell.

27:22 Adam Yeah, yeah. But...

27:23 Drew You can't tell.

27:23 Adam But, yeah, but...

27:24 Drew You can't tell.

27:25 Adam Yeah, yeah, but, yeah, but...

27:26 Drew If you feel something growing in your testicle, you need to have a doctor check it out.

27:29 Adam Well, yeah, that's what I'm asking. What I'm just trying to tell you is... I don't know the feeling and sort of difference between...

27:33 Drew What the doctor's looking for...

27:34 Adam I mean, without going to the doctor...

27:35 Drew Is that the cancer will feel like a rock, like a pebble. And the epithetomitis, you really almost doesn't feel like any, just the thickening of the spermatic cord. You can't even find...

27:44 Adam I can figure that out.

27:45 Drew No.

27:46 Adam You tell them I can't find my spermatic cord?

27:48 Drew No. You wouldn't be able to tell if it's thickened or... Because you have to feel lots of them. If you went around and felt all your friends' junk, then you'd be able to do it.

27:58 Adam I do that thing where I rest my sack on the flashlight every night.

28:01 Drew The translumination?

28:02 Adam The translumination thing. So I measure my spermatic cord.

28:07 Drew Take the flow, measure the flow through it?

28:09 Adam I measure volume, passing through it, and measure PSI, and I measure the width and circumference of it.

28:17 Drew Nightly.

28:17 Adam Yeah. And the hue. James?

28:20 Drew Yes.

28:21 Adam Okay. Don't worry about cancer.

28:23 Drew Very unlikely. Very unlikely.

28:25 Adam You're fine.

28:25 Drew But you feel something grow in your testes, you should have somebody else, a doctor, check it out.

28:29 Caller Okay. And also I want to mention that passenger injuries from airplane turbulence have declined this year.

28:36 Adam They have.

28:37 Caller It was in the Wall Street Journal.

28:38 Drew Oh my God.

28:39 Adam Injuries, but not deaths.

28:41 Caller Right, right, right.

28:42 Adam All right. Thank you. Yeah. Down what? From zero to nothing? Drew, he's just getting mad. He's just getting on me because my, we sit here every night. We have to listen to these public service announcements that really don't seem to address any of the problems that we're currently having in today's society. I get fired up.

29:02 Drew Anna's got this exact opposite problem of our last female caller.

29:05 Adam Anna does?

29:06 Drew Anna, the guy that goes too fast, Anna has a different problem.

29:08 Adam Anna?

29:09 Yes, hi.

29:10 Adam What's up? 24.

29:12 I'm 24. I'm dating a guy who's 36 and he is a little bit too much for me. I climaxed in the first, I would say like five to seven minutes, and then I get bored so I need to rest and stuff, and he just keeps going because it takes him a real long time to finish. So I was wondering if there is any like psychological...

29:41 Drew No, no, no, no. Guys just have their own sort of wiring.

29:44 Adam Yeah.

29:44 Drew Now, the question is, does he have any way to control this or make it shorter? And he would not be inclined to do that unless you tell him.

29:51 Adam He might be.

29:53 Drew No, no, I mean, he might be relieved to do it.

29:55 Adam But he might be inclined to do it without being told. I mean, if he knows. How long have you guys been going out?

30:04 Like for about six months now.

30:06 Adam Yeah.

30:07 And it's it's it seems to stay consistent. It doesn't really.

30:10 Adam How long does it take?

30:13 Up to like 25 minutes.

30:15 Adam Yeah.

30:15 And it's like it's really wearing me out. It's not something that.

30:18 Adam OK, is he thinking you're enjoying it after you think?

30:22 He's thinking that I like I'm supposed to enjoy it.

30:25 Adam And I say, well, but you clearly have your orgasm.

30:30 Drew Maybe he thinks he's he figures more in there.

30:33 Adam Is he? Yeah.

30:36 Yeah.

30:37 Adam Yeah. OK. Well, go ahead and tell him that you're getting a little bit sore.

30:43 Drew And and tell him anything more than 10 minutes is just. Ouch.

30:47 Adam Yeah.

30:47 Drew Hurts you.

30:48 Adam And see if he can do it.

30:49 Drew And there may be ways he can sort of bring himself closer before even starts the intercourse and ask him of their way.

30:55 Adam Oh, get himself a DJ.

30:56 Drew Yeah.

30:57 And he and oral sex with him, it's not. I mean, it doesn't work at all.

31:04 Drew He's no good at it. Yeah.

31:05 Adam Here, if I ever heard someone talking about me and just sort of did this like and oral sex with Adam is just well, he's not. I well, he what he doesn't eat it. I've just I mean, I would kill myself about the fourth stay.

31:21 Drew What are you going to do with touchdowns?

31:23 Adam I would just fall fall on a on a ballpoint pantomime if I ever heard that Adam with the oral sex. Yeah, he's well, he just he he doesn't he doesn't understand. I yeah, that's just it's it's so bad. Yeah, I knew it was bad by your third stammer.

31:44 Drew Does he know that you don't like what is it?

31:46 Caller Is it his technique?

31:48 No, I think he's technique is perfect.

31:51 Drew What's the problem?

31:53 I don't know.

31:54 Drew You don't like it.

31:55 Adam Well, how could his technique be perfect and it not feel good?

31:58 It's just I mean, he's doing everything right. I mean, I'm able to climax and I'm happy, but with oral sex.

32:05 Yes.

32:07 Drew Well, repeat the what's the problem?

32:09 Adam Yeah. What's the problem with oral sex then?

32:11 No, I mean, my problem with myself performing oral sex with him is that he doesn't climax from it at all.

32:19 Adam Oh, you performing on him.

32:20 Yeah.

32:21 Drew That's the part you don't like.

32:22 Right. Because I'm enjoying it. I would like him to be happy. All right.

32:28 Adam Yeah. Is this guy, let's see, uncircumcised, circumcised?

32:32 Um, uncut.

32:34 Adam Uncut. Interesting. Late bloomer, sexually?

32:38 I don't think so.

32:40 Adam He's had many partners before, ye?

32:42 Uh, being married twice.

32:44 Drew That doesn't mean anything.

32:45 Adam That could mean two and not too much sex.

32:48 Drew Yeah.

32:49 Adam Been married twice.

32:51 Drew That sounds so weird already.

32:52 Adam Yeah. What's the story behind him being married twice? He's 36.

32:56 I, I guess it's just me making wrong choices, or...

32:59 Drew You're gonna have to find out some more detail on that.

33:01 Adam You've been married twice?

33:03 Drew No, no, no.

33:03 He's been married twice. No, I'm not getting married any time soon.

33:05 Adam I know, but I said, what's the story about, you know, being married twice at age 36? And you said, it's just me making bad choices.

33:12 Drew No, no, no.

33:12 It's he making bad choices.

33:13 Drew He making bad choices.

33:14 Adam Oh, I guess it's just he making bad choices.

33:16 Drew Supposed to his making bad choices. Oh, okay.

33:18 Adam He... I suppose it's just he making bad choices.

33:21 Drew You better find out more about that. I really get some detail. I don't believe the sort of BS brush that he gives you. There's something, something's up with that. Yes, bad choices, horrible choices. What, what the hell? And don't be surprised. And he has a big role to play in this, in the failures of his marriage.

33:35 Adam And by the way, he's 36. He's been with her for six months. I mean, he could have had two failed marriages under his belt by 33.

33:41 Drew Right.

33:42 Adam No problem. All right.

33:46 Drew Take a break.

33:47 Adam Yeah. David.

33:48 Caller Yes.

33:50 Adam Eight-year-old girlfriend is going away to college.

33:52 Guest Yep.

33:53 Adam You have a girlfriend who's 18 and you're 16?

33:56 Caller Basically.

33:57 Adam Oh, you little piss auntie. How do you work that?

34:00 Guest What goes on? Well, we went to the same school.

34:03 Adam So what?

34:04 Guest What?

34:05 Adam So what? It must have been a small school.

34:08 Guest Yeah, it's a pretty small school.

34:10 Adam Was it a private school?

34:11 Guest Yeah, it's private.

34:12 Adam Oh, man. You get to do that. In high school, you don't get to do that.

34:17 Drew In real high schools.

34:18 Adam In real high school, you don't get to do that. There's no 10th grader going out with a senior.

34:23 Drew What, the other seniors would kick his ass?

34:26 Adam There's no commingling. It's like it doesn't exist. You don't have the same classes, for the most part. And it's like, no, what do you, hi, I'm not talking to you. It's weird. I heard about this in 16 and eh. And then small school popped in my head. That's second room. Awesome. I gotta go to, I gotta get back to a small school. All right. Let's take ourselves a break. We'll come back with David. She's going off to college. She wants to know what to do with her. We'll answer his questions after this.

34:57 Guest 1-800-LOVE-1-9-1.

34:59 Caller Love Lines.

34:59 Caller Love Lines with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

35:02 Caller We'll be right back.

35:30 Adam Yeah! Yeah! That's what I'm saying. Talking about getting it on, you know what I'm saying?

35:38 Caller Yeah.

35:38 Adam Gotta get it on. No choice but to get it on. Sneezing, Drew?

35:43 Drew Oh my God.

35:44 Adam David?

35:45 Drew Yes.

35:46 Adam 16? Mm-hmm.

35:48 Drew Yep.

35:49 Adam Drew's sneezing away. Not a hand near his face, by the way, just blowing his snot.

35:55 Drew No, they're advertising now, they're advertising. Recommendations?

35:58 Adam Don't put the hand.

35:59 Drew Don't put the hand up.

36:00 Adam You shake hands.

36:01 Drew You put your arm up, which is what I'm doing.

36:03 Adam You're supposed to put your arm up or you're sneezing.

36:05 Drew Sneezing and coughing, you're not supposed to put your hands up.

36:07 Adam Well, that's if we're going to be touching each other. No, no, no.

36:10 Drew It's transmitted on the hand.

36:12 Adam I know, but we ain't touching.

36:14 Drew This is how stuff is transmitted, on the hand.

36:16 Adam From making contact with other people.

36:19 Drew Or stuff, fomites, whatever.

36:21 Adam Fomite. I got your fomite.

36:24 Caller Sneezing in your sleeve.

36:26 Drew Yeah, that's what you're supposed to do.

36:27 Adam You should have sick shirts. You know, it's like a changeable Kleenex pad. If you're right-handed, we put it on your right shoulder. If you're left-handed, we put it on your left shoulder. A little mentholatum bomb under the collar. Like an old pitcher put a little Vaseline under the bill of his cap. You know, there's a shirt you wear when you're sick. And people know you're sick. Oh, stay away from Drew, he's wearing a sick shirt, everybody.

36:51 Drew That's good.

36:52 Adam Scarlett S on there.

36:53 Drew Someday, someday. Another thing that's ahead of your time.

36:56 Adam Oh, a hundred years from now and everyone's walking around with sick shirts and, oh.

37:02 Drew Roll, I never heard of him.

37:04 Adam He invented the sick shirt and the attack rows and the heated sofa. Go ahead, David.

37:09 Yes.

37:11 Guest So, I'm going out.

37:12 Adam Wait a minute. What private school do you go to?

37:15 Guest It's called the Montclair Prep.

37:17 Caller It's in Van Nuys.

37:18 Adam Yeah. I know that one. Yeah.

37:20 Drew Beat us in the CIF finals.

37:22 Adam Yeah.

37:22 Drew It was a high school.

37:23 Adam Drew, 1946. Drew was in high school. Wait a minute. Montclair.

37:27 Guest Yeah.

37:27 Adam Oh, that's off Sepulveda?

37:29 Guest Yeah, in Roscoe.

37:30 Adam Oh, you know, you know why? It's a horrible location for a high school. Let me tell you, the only salvation. You guys are directly across the street from Dr. Hoggly-Woggly's Tyler, Texas barbecue.

37:43 Guest Yep.

37:44 Adam Have you ever eaten there?

37:45 Guest No, but I've seen it.

37:47 Drew Why not?

37:47 Adam Breaks my heart.

37:49 Drew I've eaten there.

37:50 Guest We actually like the Taco Bell that's actually down the street.

37:53 Adam Kids, poor dumb teenagers.

37:55 Drew They don't know what they got.

37:56 Adam David, would you do me a favor?

37:58 Caller Yes.

37:59 Adam Please arrange a field trip to that Dr. Hoggly-Woggly's and do yourself in your belly a favor.

38:05 Caller All right, I'll do it. Dr. Hoggly-Woggly.

38:08 Drew It's across the street.

38:09 Adam You know the place across the street with the smokestack that just barrels cow perfume?

38:15 Drew In the picture of the pig chicken chasing the pig with a cleaver.

38:19 Adam No, it doesn't have that smell. A lot of fat waitresses, a lot of fat guys staring in the window before it opens in the world's greatest barbecue.

38:27 Guest All right.

38:29 Adam Do you know the place I'm talking about?

38:30 Guest Nope. What?

38:32 Adam It's almost directly across the street, although maybe you don't enter from Sepulveda.

38:37 Guest No, no. It's off of Lanark.

38:40 Adam You don't enter your school from Sepulveda?

38:42 Guest No, no.

38:42 Adam All right. I did the math.

38:44 Yeah. All right.

38:45 Adam Go to Dr. Hogley-Wongley's. Do yourself a favor.

38:48 Drew Wait, what city is this?

38:50 Van Nuys.

38:51 Adam Van Nuys. It's on Sepulveda. I know where it is. Every time I leave Hogley-Wongley's, I walk out and I see Montclair Prep and I think, you little pukes. You don't know what life really is. Then I get in my beautiful car and drive up to the hills. Yeah, go ahead.

39:05 Drew What's the question?

39:05 Guest All right. So I just started going out with this girl who's now going off to college.

39:11 Drew Where's she going?

39:12 Guest USC.

39:13 Drew Well, she's going to be in town though.

39:15 Guest Yeah, I know.

39:15 Caller But it's still like with all. I don't know.

39:18 Guest It's just I hear totally different things. Like my dad's like, don't do it because college parties, she meets other guys.

39:25 Adam Talking to your dad.

39:26 Guest Stuff with other guys.

39:27 Drew It's novel. I know Adam. He's right. He's right.

39:30 Guest So and I calling in to see what.

39:34 Drew I'm with your dad. Particularly if he were going to way to school, I'd say forget it.

39:37 Adam Well, what does she want to do?

39:39 Guest Well, like we talked about it before and she's like, well, we don't like to think about like not really getting like a real relationship right now because it's just hard basically because what I'm talking about.

39:52 Adam Have you guys made Whoopi?

39:54 Guest Not yet.

39:55 Drew All right.

39:56 Adam Don't do it because that sets the hook.

39:59 Drew Yeah.

40:00 All right.

40:01 Adam Sorry, buddy. You want to make love. Go make love to that brisket platter across the street over Dr. Hogley Walsh. Makes me angry, Drew.

40:09 Drew What? Has he eaten there?

40:10 Adam Yeah. First off, the only reason to go into that neighborhood.

40:13 Drew No kidding.

40:14 Adam And I've met guys and they're like, yeah, I'm out on Spolvin and Roscoe. And I'm like, oh, fantastic. I mean, horrible. It's like living in Beirut, but you're right next to Dr. Hogley. Why? I haven't tried that place. You know how I get angry about nothing?

40:29 Drew Yes.

40:31 Adam I'm exceptionally indignant about this one. You are you kidding? I mean, Jimmy made the pilgrimage over there a couple of weeks ago. Oh, in person. Eight in the joint. Nice. Nice. Old school. Keeping it real true. Paige.

40:47 Yeah.

40:48 Adam You're 14?

40:49 Caller Yes.

40:50 Caller Mm hmm.

40:51 Adam What's up?

40:52 Caller Um, not much. Um, I recently went to a party and, um, someone spiked the punch and I hooked up with my boyfriend. And then I had to go.

41:04 Drew So you didn't, you didn't know you were drinking alcohol?

41:06 No.

41:07 Drew Oh, come on.

41:08 Caller Until the next day when I had a hangover.

41:10 Drew No, come on. That's ridiculous. You can't taste alcohol? You didn't know you were getting intoxicated?

41:17 Adam Well, hold on a second. Let me, let me just say this in her defense. If you took some really sweet, syrupy, sappy, crappy punch, you know, where you float the big Sherbert Island in the middle of it, and you took something like Everclear that just had a very high alcohol content, but was clear and didn't have, you know, and you went light with it.

41:38 Drew I can imagine you couldn't taste it, but you wouldn't notice you were getting intoxicated?

41:41 Adam Not if you were 14 and didn't really necessarily know what it was to get intoxicated.

41:47 Drew The only way I can imagine that happens is with GHB.

41:50 Caller I've never really been drunk before.

41:52 Adam All right, all right, well I'm with you. We're, you know.

41:56 Drew All right, so what's the question?

41:56 Adam We're hanging with you.

41:57 Caller Okay, well I hooked up with my boyfriend that night, and then I hooked up with my best friend's boyfriend, and-

42:04 Drew What do you mean hook up?

42:05 Caller What?

42:06 Drew What does it mean to hook up?

42:08 Caller Like, made out.

42:10 Adam Made out, okay. What does it mean to make out?

42:13 Caller Like, French kiss.

42:14 Adam French kissing.

42:15 Caller Yeah.

42:15 Adam Okay, all right. Sounds very tame by Loveline's standards.

42:21 Caller What?

42:22 Adam Go ahead.

42:22 Drew Quaint.

42:23 Adam Continue.

42:23 Drew What's the question?

42:24 Caller Okay, well I hooked up with him, and he's starting to like me now, but I don't like him, and I haven't told his girlfriend, and she's like my best friend, and she likes him a lot, and I don't know if I should tell her because I don't want to break her heart, and I don't want her to like hate me forever.

42:41 Adam Well, you must care so much about her, but you're just going to have to tell her, even though you don't like this guy.

42:47 Caller So I should tell her?

42:48 Adam You should make sure and tell her you made out with him, and that you don't like him too, and that you're willing to let her have the guy you've basically rejected. You didn't deem good enough for you, but you've used up.

43:02 Drew What in the world would make you tell her something like that? Do you hate women?

43:07 Caller No. Well, I don't know. I just feel really bad.

43:11 Adam If you feel really bad, shut your pie hole.

43:14 Drew And don't do crap like that anymore.

43:15 Adam Yeah, and just stop doing it.

43:16 Drew I have a real thing about guilt. Guilt actually bothers me a little bit. It's like, hey, okay, feel guilty, and then stop doing that ass.

43:22 Adam Yeah.

43:23 Drew Yeah, and you don't feel guilty anymore.

43:24 Adam Or how about this? How about you go down to the senior center and donate weekend?

43:31 Drew Make up for it. Atonement.

43:33 Adam Oh, you're going to, hey, where's your mom?

43:36 Caller She's out of town right now.

43:38 Drew Is she never not available when you're growing up or something?

43:40 Caller No, she is.

43:41 Adam She's good?

43:42 Caller Yeah.

43:43 Adam What's she doing out of town?

43:45 Caller She's on vacation with my dad.

43:47 Adam Hmm. Who's looking after you?

43:50 Caller Oh, she has this babysitter person, someone from her work.

43:56 Adam Really?

43:57 Drew Bakersfield.

43:58 Adam Bakersfield? There's places of employment in Bakersfield, and there are people going on vacations?

44:03 Caller Yeah.

44:04 Drew People are allowed to...

44:05 Adam Where are they going on vacation?

44:07 Caller They went to Las Vegas.

44:09 Adam Las Vegas. They drove. All right. I picture them getting on an airplane. And that's...

44:16 Drew Swipe that from your mind.

44:18 Adam They drove to Vegas, right?

44:20 Caller Yeah.

44:20 Drew Yeah, of course.

44:21 Caller They went to LA and then they took an airplane there. Oh.

44:25 Adam They took an airplane from LA?

44:27 Caller Yeah, I think so.

44:28 Drew No way. Why? Why would they do that?

44:30 Adam Why would they do that?

44:31 Drew Why would they drive to Los Angeles and then take a plane to Los Angeles? Oh, who knows?

44:35 Adam People have kooky vacation plans. All right, Paige, how's this woman who's looking after you from work?

44:41 Caller What do you mean?

44:42 Adam Do you like her?

44:43 Caller Yeah, she's cool.

44:44 Adam She let you hang at the party the other night?

44:47 Caller Well, my parents were home then.

44:49 Adam Oh, okay. I see. All right, Paige, do not tell that... I know you need a little drama. You want to mix it up a little bit. Don't tell your friend you made up the boyfriend.

44:58 Drew Stay away from the guy. Don't deny it if you get accused of it, because you did it.

45:04 Adam Look, if you were really into the guy and you thought you were in love with the guy, then we could talk. But you ain't into the guy. So don't bother stirring things up, all right? Okay. All right, she's going to tell the guy. Thank you. Tell the guy tomorrow.

45:17 Drew Yeah, the girl.

45:18 Adam I mean the girl. Justin?

45:20 Guest Yeah.

45:21 Adam You're 21?

45:22 Guest Yes, I am.

45:23 Drew Hey, Justin, before you carry on one second, we have an iTunes giveaway for the first 10 callers that get on the air tonight. They get an iTunes, first 10 callers, 18 are over, get an iTunes gift card valued at $99. Must be 18 to play, obviously.

45:37 Adam Why do you gotta be 18?

45:38 Guest Yeah.

45:39 Adam You need some ID or something?

45:41 Drew I don't know. And then I need help, again, from Loveline Callers at discoveryhealth.com. Check out the forums and shows you'd like to see under the thread for forums. I'll read those tonight if you guys get on there and just pile some stuff in.

45:52 Adam Write something nice about Drew, otherwise he'll kill himself.

45:55 Drew Go ahead.

45:55 Adam And he pouts, too.

45:56 Drew I do. It makes Adam very angry.

45:58 Adam Makes me miserable. So write something nice, otherwise he'll get pouty all night. Go ahead, Justin.

46:03 Guest All right. My question was, is that, I was, I guess you could say making whoopee on last Thursday night with my wife. We've been together for six years, been married for about a year and a half. And she just said to me, like, out of the blue while we're having whoopee, that she wants to threesome with another girl. And this is the thing though, this is the kicker, is that we're churchgoing people, like her dad's a pastor.

46:33 Adam Yeah.

46:34 Guest We go to church like every, if not every Sunday, every other Sunday.

46:38 Adam I know. But most of the guys on Death Row are deeply religious people. You got to look at it that way too. It's not like, oh, he's a religious person, never stepped out of line, never killed anyone, never started a war, never cheat on the wife. I never heard about it. Unheard of, Drew.

46:55 Drew How does she recognize?

46:56 Adam This would be the first time.

46:57 Drew Yeah, of course.

46:58 Adam Yeah. What a utopia, by the way, we would be living in if all you religious nut jobs would just sort of stick to your crap a little bit and actually do what you claimed you believed when maybe you don't actually believe it. Here's the thing.

47:11 Drew How about you just stick to that crap even without religion? Everybody stick to some good law.

47:14 Adam Here's the thing about religion, which is awesome. It's like, you mean you don't agree with turn the other cheek and you don't agree with do unto your neighbors you would have done it and you don't agree with that. No, I agree with all of it. You idiots don't listen to it. If you guys would just listen to your own crap, it'd be awesome. They act like that's just a given. Oh yeah, thou shalt not murder. Oh, all right. Well, good. Now, I'll check that off the list. Now, we're going to happen again. No religious persons are going to do anything to anybody.

47:42 Drew Justin, how does she reconcile her religious values with this desire?

47:47 Guest She does. I mean, we haven't talked about it. I mean, I'm really like, I'm okay with it.

47:53 Drew Are you sure she wasn't just sort of bringing up something in the heat of passion?

47:56 Adam She had a wine cooler in her and she thought it's what you wanted to hear.

47:59 Guest No, no, no. This is the thing is that like, our sex life is actually gradually getting better. So Saturday night, while we're watching porn, she was like, she was like, yeah, she'd be hot. And then I'm like, so you really want to do it. And she was like, yeah, of course. She was like, but it can't just be, it just can't be any random girl. I'd have to pick the girl. And she was like giving me like, it couldn't be a black girl. It couldn't be a white blonde girl. It had to be like a specific type. And I'm like, oh, well, okay. And I'm like, well, where do we find these people? You know, but that's neither here nor there.

48:35 Adam I just, I was just wondering like, how, like I look at the Bible says, seek and you shall find my child. Yeah.

48:41 Guest And well, this is the thing is that I rather, I think it's like either going to go two ways. She either is going to dig it and we're going to have like a great sex life, you know, great upcoming sex life. And everything's going to be great, but yeah. The other part is that she's just our relationship is going to go south and we'll just tell you where it goes.

49:02 Drew It goes south.

49:03 Adam Are you, do you guys have kids?

49:06 Guest Oh yeah. Yeah.

49:07 Drew All right. Then forget it. There's some bogus about this.

49:10 Adam Justin, I'm crying bogus on this. Something's wrong with this. You are. Yeah. Now, now deeply bogus. Sorry, buddy. Decent try.

49:21 Drew Let's try it anyway. But if, if indeed you were contemplating something like that, you had kids, it's forget it.

49:26 Adam You know, here's what's out when you have kids, threesomes, sports cars and tight pants. No kid wants to see dad or mom in tight pants, you know?

49:37 Drew Yeah.

49:39 Adam My dad got these hippie pants when I was a kid, laced up in the front and in the back.

49:44 Caller No.

49:46 Adam Dress in to the left. No. Asymmetrical basket.

49:52 Drew Let's take a break. I can go fall in.

49:54 Adam Me too. I will take a quick break. Had sex with best friend, 14 year old sister. Well, at least he's 14. All that after this. Loveline.

50:04 Caller Okay, wait, wait, wait, my hair, my hair.

50:08 We'll be right back.

50:22 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOV.

50:29 Drew That's right. And I was admonished by producer Anne for my lack of enthusiasm and professionalism.

50:34 Adam So, regarding the iPod.

50:36 Drew Right. iTunes giveaway. First 10 callers to get on the air tonight will win an iTunes gift card valued at $99. 18 years and older will win first 10 callers.

50:44 Adam But don't just call.

50:45 Caller Don't just call to win the iPod because that's what they're all doing.

50:48 Drew I see. They don't have any questions or anything.

50:50 Do I win?

50:51 Adam Yeah. You don't win an iPod.

50:52 Drew You got to get on the air.

50:53 Adam You get the iTunes card, right?

50:55 Drew The iTunes card. You get to download $99 worth of stuff.

50:58 Adam Right. Which means you either get 99 songs or In a God of Devita by Iron Butterfly Twice.

51:05 Drew Sure.

51:06 Adam That's with the 99 bucks. It's like 40, 49, 50, I think.

51:10 Drew What was that Yes song that was so long too?

51:12 Adam Roundabout.

51:14 Drew Well done.

51:14 Adam Yeah. Well done. That's an easy one. All right, buddy. Drew and I just got back from the bathroom where he actually used the urinal because he, you know.

51:24 Drew Well, I got in there.

51:25 Adam Early bird catches the worm. Yeah, I had to go whiz in his bathroom, my stall in his stall, noticing the toilet seat that's cracked in half from when I kicked it a year ago. It's still busted in half because there's one of these stupid things where you put the toilet seat up and you start taking a whiz. And then about eight good eight count in your whiz. It slowly slammed shut and slams your whiz on your on your shins. So one night I just had an asshole that actually kicked it and snapped it in half.

51:52 Drew It's funny is that they're in the Dodger game. Jimmy's made some comments. Somebody said something about you getting sort of aggressive and violent. Jimmy goes, that's weird. Adam never ever gets aggressive or violent about anything. I'm flashing onto you, jumping onto the console and kicking the climate control thing off the wall, thinking of you breaking the toilet with your fists. No, no, never Jimmy, never. I've never seen him get aggressive.

52:14 Adam No, well, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm mild-mannered.

52:17 Caller Until?

52:18 Adam Until I reach my, my breaking point with junk in radio stations. Radio stations are just crap. They're all like old Soviet submarines where nothing works and no one will fix anything and everything sucks and everyone's cheap. And what happened with the thermostat is, is our old studio was 70 degrees. No, make it 80 degrees, 80 degrees at all times. And sweat would just be pouring down my face. And for eight years I was begging someone to fix it. And they just never would. And then finally they did it. And it was 80 degrees in there one day. And I went to go change the thermostat in the head, one of those stupid sneeze guards from the salad guard, salad bar around the thing. Like it was locked up. Like they didn't want people monkeying with the temperature of the thing. So I just got up on the console and I leaped up on the console and I took my UGG boot and I kicked the thing off it so we could adjust it. Unfortunately, the entire apparatus came off with the thermostat as well.

53:21 Drew And then...

53:22 Adam Now, but look, I've been sweating in there for like seven years. F them.

53:26 Drew But if you recall, the follow up of that was them watching the footage of you doing that on the security cameras. And then you call in those guys to get them to install your Zephyr.

53:35 Adam Listen, Westwood 1 was a steaming pile of crap that I wouldn't... I would not... I wouldn't... I would not want to roach to work in that ass pile. And we sat there for like seven years. Thank you. All right, Drew, what's going on?

53:52 Drew Here we go.

53:52 Adam Oh, here's the other thing too. So Drew and I just got back from the bathroom and then back from the kitchen. What's the microwave smell like, Drew?

54:00 Drew Enchiladas.

54:01 Adam Enchiladas.

54:01 Drew It's a brand new microwave.

54:03 Adam How long has it smelled like enchiladas?

54:04 Drew Five days.

54:06 Adam Somebody cooked some enchiladas in there five days ago. And now when I'm drinking, it tastes a little like coffee, but it's more just like someone put enchilada in a Cuisinart and then put that into a microwave and now it's a caffarito.

54:21 Drew Caffe-lado.

54:22 Adam Would you like a warm up on your Caffe-lado? It's awesome. You want some sweet and lower? How about some sour cream with that?

54:30 Caller What's a guac? Guac floating on your Caffe-lado?

54:34 Drew A little dollop of guac. Caff-arito.

54:36 Adam On the Caff-arito? Yes, it's like I'm I'm blowing a burrito right now and I realize what is it about microwaves that hold in the smell?

54:45 Drew In the workforce. Not at home. Not so much.

54:49 Adam A goddamn sleeping bag doesn't retain as much stink as an all-metal microwave.

54:54 Drew What is that?

54:55 Adam What is it and what can we do about it? That's what I'm saying.

54:59 Drew Yeah.

55:00 Adam Okay, because unless someone is sneaking in there and making enchiladas right now, that could be the other thing, Drew.

55:07 Drew Sure, we didn't think about that.

55:08 Adam Somebody could be cooking up a batch of enchiladas every single time we're on the air and then every time during the commercial.

55:14 Drew We have to rule that out. Chris, go check it out.

55:16 Adam Chris, quick, go make sure nobody's in there making enchiladas. You see a guy with a sombrero napping against a cactus? I want you to come back here pronto.

55:27 Drew Okay.

55:28 Adam All right. Ironic that I used a Spanish word.

55:31 Drew I thought that was Andale.

55:33 Adam Andale.

55:33 Drew Clever.

55:34 Adam Aaron?

55:35 Guest Yes, this is Aaron.

55:36 Adam 14.

55:37 Guest 14.

55:38 Adam Got caught masturbating by his mom.

55:41 Caller Yes, I did.

55:42 Adam But she's threatening to tell your pastor.

55:45 Caller Yeah.

55:46 Adam She's not going to do it. She's not? No. Let me.

55:50 Drew Why do you care if she does?

55:52 Adam Well, it's embarrassing.

55:53 Caller My whole family goes to that church and it's kind of like excommunication.

55:58 Adam No.

55:58 Drew Saying S on the radio is excommunication. And by the way, it's also a marker for a bogus call about being worried about how the religious community looks at you and you let the S-bomb go in the air.

56:10 Adam Excommunication would be an awesome satellite radio Oh. Advertising.

56:15 Caller Nice.

56:15 Drew Or just the name of a satellite radio network.

56:18 Caller Yeah.

56:20 Adam Well, they have XM, you know, like when Stern goes to XM.

56:22 Caller Excommunication.

56:23 Adam Excommunication.

56:24 Drew On their show.

56:25 Adam Yeah. No, that's the advertising, you know, he's been kicked off of broadcasts.

56:30 Caller Yeah.

56:30 Adam Excommunicate, you know.

56:32 Drew Yeah, yeah.

56:32 Adam Huh?

56:33 Drew It's nice.

56:33 Adam Chris, write that down.

56:34 Drew He will be excommunicated.

56:35 Adam He'll be excommunicated. Communicate next.

56:37 Drew Communicating.

56:38 Adam Write that, write that down. And write Cafferito.

56:42 Drew Cafferito. And get in there and check out, see if those guys are there.

56:46 Adam Yeah, I think some guys are making an intro last. Janelle?

56:50 Hello?

56:51 Adam You're 18?

56:51 Drew Janelle?

56:52 Adam I mean, Janelle?

56:53 Janelle, it's Janelle.

56:54 Adam What's up?

56:55 What's up?

56:56 Adam What's up?

56:57 Hi.

56:58 Adam Hey.

56:59 Hi, okay, I have a question about anal sex. My boyfriend wants to do it and we've tried a couple of times. I've never had before and it really hurts really bad and I was wondering if there's any easier way for it to do it because he like wants to do it and I like kind of want to make him happy, you know?

57:19 Drew Wait, first of all, you said you have never tried it but you're aware that it hurts?

57:23 Adam No, he tried it a couple of times.

57:24 Drew He tried it.

57:25 I've tried to with him a couple of times but every time we try it hurts really bad.

57:28 Drew Janelle, please stop. You know, I did an interview for Cosmopolitan a couple weeks or about a week ago and I was sort of listing all the potential injuries from anal sex and when you really, when I sit down on the floor, yeah, for them, they never actually talked to a doctor about these problems and when you add in the rectal prolapse and the tears and the fissures and the, you know, the fistulas and abscess, I mean, it is tremendous what you can do to yourself. Now, if it didn't hurt, you felt good, you wanted to, whatever, but this is something that's hurt, your body's telling you something. Don't do this. Don't harm yourself to make him happy and by the way, making him happy just means he's checking something off his list.

58:03 Adam But Drew, you're like a vegan who doesn't actually like the taste of meat, so it's easy for you to say, you understand what it does to the environment and farmlanding.

58:14 Drew Agreed.

58:14 Adam If you're really into anal, you'd give us a whole laundry list of reasons why we should be doing it. It's part of good anal maintenance to be plunged out of it. You know what I'm saying?

58:27 Drew I don't think I would go that far, but I would be less, probably less easily. Yeah.

58:32 Adam All right. But here's the point. You've tried it a couple of times.

58:35 Drew That's it.

58:36 Adam And look, as as a woman, that's all you got to do.

58:39 Drew Yeah, you have no obligation.

58:41 Adam You're asking. You give it a shot. It didn't work out. You know what I mean?

58:45 Drew It'll be fine.

58:46 Adam You tried to go to the show. You struck out. You're going back to the AAA. That's all.

58:51 Drew Whatever.

58:52 Adam A-hole. AAA-hole. All right, Cafferita, we'll take ourselves a quick break. Be right back after this. Yeah, my brothers. What's up, my homies? It's the Ace Man. My partner over there, Dr. True, fund over $1,800, VE19. Wonder, Drew, any iTunes news?

59:58 Drew iTunes Giveaways, first 10 callers tonight, they get on the air, who are 18 years or older, will get an iTunes gift certificate, gift card valued at $99.

1:00:07 Guest There you go.

1:00:09 Adam $99 gets you 99 songs, which is really, like 10 CDs, and that's like about $170.

1:00:20 Drew There you go, perfect.

1:00:23 Guest Here we go.

1:00:23 Adam Let me check that out. I use that iTunes. You use iTunes?

1:00:25 Drew Oh yeah.

1:00:26 Adam You do?

1:00:27 Drew My kids do too.

1:00:28 Adam What do they do?

1:00:29 Drew They download songs. They spend a lot of money before they...

1:00:32 Adam Oh, before they check it with Drew.

1:00:34 Drew Before they realize what they're doing.

1:00:35 Adam A lot of money with Drew is $8, by the way.

1:00:38 Drew That's a lot of money for 12 year olds.

1:00:39 Adam I know. I remember hearing the ice cream truck and had my dad shoot me one of those, I don't even think about it. Looks like, are you, what are we, the Rockefellers? Are you kidding me? You got a bomb pop like two months ago. Are you high? I just think like the ice cream truck was a big deal. Drew, you gotta train your kids. Oh, wait a minute. Who am I talking to? Janelle?

1:01:04 Yeah.

1:01:06 Adam Are you telling me we're talking to Janelle's in a row?

1:01:08 Drew Or is this the same Janelle?

1:01:10 No, this is a different one.

1:01:12 Drew It is a different one, yeah. Wow.

1:01:14 Adam Drew, how many Janelle's do we speak to?

1:01:16 Drew One a month, maybe.

1:01:18 Adam One a month?

1:01:19 Drew One a quarter?

1:01:20 Adam I don't even really remember speaking to any in a few months. Chris, you remember any Janelle's?

1:01:25 Drew Nope. Negative.

1:01:26 Adam Negative. How's it going? Are you graduating?

1:01:30 Drew Oh yeah.

1:01:31 Adam What happened?

1:01:32 Drew I ran your brother at Starbucks. Oh, you did?

1:01:34 Guest Yeah.

1:01:34 Drew He sort of was sort of evasive about the graduation thing.

1:01:38 Adam You're going to look evasive later in the Junior College Library.

1:01:40 Drew I still don't know either, but I won't find out tomorrow.

1:01:44 Guest They're going to post it tomorrow, but I can't go to school tomorrow.

1:01:48 Adam Oh, okay.

1:01:49 So I have jury duty.

1:01:50 Adam Oh, you have jury duty?

1:01:52 Guest Yeah.

1:01:52 Drew All right. Now let's talk about the Jim Uncle Jackson thing.

1:01:54 But if you're a student, you don't have to go to jury duty, Chris.

1:01:56 Come on.

1:01:58 Adam Junior college, though, they may have to make exceptions for junior college. Hold on a second.

1:02:03 Drew All right.

1:02:03 Adam Let's let's talk about the Michael Jackson trial. Go ahead, Drew.

1:02:08 Drew I was surprised. I think you were. Yeah. However, I had a strangely positive feeling about it for multiple reasons. It was weird.

1:02:16 Adam Yeah. I feel like Michael Jackson is just sort of a injured soul, a sick guy, a sick guy with horrible boundaries. Sort of needs to be reined in. I don't know. Let him use his money to help the children.

1:02:30 Drew Right. Right. However he says it. Then I like the idea that the reason that they sort of went not guilty on everything is, they're sick and tired of people that sue and manipulate and use the system. It's like, well, it has nothing to do with you anymore. It's your law of only two suits in a lifetime. More than that, we don't believe you anymore. Right?

1:02:50 Adam Look, I could, I would overhaul the judicial system in a heartbeat when I'm in charge. And the first thing I'm getting to work on is the lie detector. Now listen to me. Do you see these jurors when they, when they interview them after the thing?

1:03:05 Drew Yeah.

1:03:05 Adam It looks like something you scraped off the floor of a junior college cafeteria.

1:03:10 Drew Did you see these guys?

1:03:11 Adam I did see these guys.

1:03:12 Drew They were like grandma, grandpa, hardware store.

1:03:15 Adam No, not the ones I saw.

1:03:17 Drew No, that's all there were. There were older men and women.

1:03:19 Adam I've saw someone that didn't speak English, but I don't know who that was.

1:03:22 Drew There was one Asian woman and a bunch of blue haired white ladies and a couple older guys.

1:03:29 Adam I saw what, but I looked into the, you know, you know when you look into the eye of evil and you know what, I looked in the eye, when I look in the eye of stupid, I know it. A lot of dumb on that jury.

1:03:39 Drew Maybe a couple.

1:03:40 Adam A lot of dumb on that jury.

1:03:41 Drew I saw a bunch of smart.

1:03:42 Adam All takes a couple of Nimrods. You did not, Drew.

1:03:45 Drew I swear to God.

1:03:46 Adam Go pull up pictures of the jury, would you, Chris?

1:03:47 Drew Yeah, they were all like, retired old gentlemen, and Santa Barbara citizens.

1:03:53 Adam I don't know.

1:03:53 Drew Which I thought was kind of nice.

1:03:54 Adam I didn't have the sound of it.

1:03:55 Drew By the way, it's a bunch of old white people vindicating this poor guy.

1:03:59 Adam It was nice. I see what you're saying. I see where you're going. Here's my point. Let's get the lie detector test working. Let's also work on my tech crows. Here's the deal, everyone. The lie detector, polygraph test, has been around for, what, 50 years now?

1:04:16 Drew Easy.

1:04:17 Adam Okay. Had some bugs. Worked it out pretty well. It's probably, I don't know, 90% accurate now, right? Not better than the current jury system that we have?

1:04:31 Drew Interesting.

1:04:32 Adam You know what I mean?

1:04:32 Drew Yeah.

1:04:34 Adam What? People are like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. How do you know that this device is not, it's got to be 100%. It does? Where's OJ right now? Where's Michael Jackson right now? Where's Robert Blake right now? What about all the brothers that had to be let off a death row in Illinois a few years ago? Because I found out like half of them just shouldn't be on death row. What do you mean? First off, don't give me that 100% crap.

1:05:02 Drew Yeah.

1:05:03 Adam We're maybe 65%. I don't know, maybe less.

1:05:07 Drew Yeah.

1:05:07 Adam Who knows where we're at? Do you know what I mean? We have this theory that like, look, it doesn't matter whether OJ actually killed his wife and Ron Perlman or not. It matters that the system works, that he gets a fair.

1:05:21 Caller Really?

1:05:22 Adam No, no, no, no, no. We've lost sight of the whole thing. They're only there to figure out whether the guy did it or not. That's it. That's all we need to know. If we could find out in the first 10 minutes of the first day of the trial, good, we're done. Everyone go home. We don't need the process. The process is figure out whether Michael Jackson diddle that little Mexican kid and figure out whether OJ cut the head off of his ex-old lady. That's all we need to figure out. And this lie detector, and here's what I'm saying. We're a few years away. Drew, I'm standing up for this. I'm so passionate about this. Here's all I'm saying. What does this cost us? What do these huge trials cost us? Almost $4 million. $4 million. $4 million we could have put into research of this in testing of my lie detector. Now here's what we do. We don't just do it in this country. We get the entire world to get in on this one. Hate to say it, we may have to call in the Germans. Mexico, you guys chill. Finish this up, we'll get back. But don't worry, you'll get one too. We just gotta, you know, we're cool. We're okay. You just say it. We have to get the Germans in here, we have to get some Swedes in here, to get some, we get some Japanese in here. For sure. We gotta get everybody in on this one. The world, the greatest scientists of the world, they get together on this one. The stuff we've learned about brain activity in the last five years is more than we knew in the 500 years before that. Yes, Drew?

1:06:51 Drew Yes, Adam.

1:06:51 Adam Okay. Now, we don't say we're going to finish this in eight months or even 18 months. Five years from now, everybody gets together, the world's scientists. Mexico, chill. We'll give you one. Just hold on. Let's finish. We get everyone together and we all work, and we start testing, and we research, and we do it. And now, we have a machine that's been tested with millions of people, all different cultures, different countries, sexes, everything, and it's 98.65 percent accurate. Good. Now, first off, we could get there. We could do that. And what are we now? I mean, everyone knows Michael Jackson proudly did a little diddling, and everyone knows Robert Blake proudly did a little of this, and OJ did a little of that. And those are just the ones we know about. Plus, what about the innocent guys? You know, we harp on the guilty guys, worse. Have the poor guy who's third strike, wrong place, wrong time, brother man, can't catch a break, you know, three-time loser, and he gets some court-appointed guy who ain't so enthusiastic about defending him. What about him? You know what I mean? I mean, everyone's thing is like, well, you can't have this piece of technology, innocent people would be railroaded. What about innocent people not going to the joint because they take this thing?

1:08:12 Drew Yeah.

1:08:12 Adam It's, and it becomes like the breathalyzer. You get pulled, and by the way, the breathalyzer, unrefutable, there's no, breathalyzer everyone's fine with, right?

1:08:23 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:08:24 Adam You get pulled over, cop thinks you're drunk, blow into that breathalyzer. No, I won't do it. Oh, get in the car. You're guilty.

1:08:31 Drew Yeah.

1:08:32 Adam Why? You wouldn't blow into it. Guy who, guy who never had a drink that night would blow into it. Guy who didn't kill his wife would take this. So here's the deal. First day, boom. And we just do everybody. Here's the 10 guys we think killed Nicole Brown. OJ., you're one of them. But then we got it. We got her. We got this guy. You know, we got Cato is going to do this. And the gardener's coming too. And the guy drove the limo. And then she's got a couple of guys she was dating. They're coming in too. Everyone's coming in. We'll just test everyone. All right. Then if you're guilty and it's a capital murder type, capital offense type thing, then then we can slow down the process and start talking about, you know, putting the fine touch, finer, finer points on it. I don't say you go right to the gallows that afternoon, but the point is, is no more juries, no more stenographers, no more anything. And by the way, you know, many juries have been bought off by like the mob and the mafia over the years and just, just people bought off and just, and now they just buy it off by just having enough money. I mean, you got, you got Marcia Clark and Chris Darden up against, you know, five of the smartest people on the planet who are getting paid millions of dollars. They're not going to win. They don't have the resources. They don't, they, and if they were any good, they wouldn't be, you know, working down at LA County, right? So it's already an unfair fight. You already can buy your way out. And here's the thing about my lie detector. It does not see color. It does not see religion. It doesn't see sex and it doesn't see bank accounts. It doesn't see anything. It's just a mechanical device. Couldn't be more objective and you're hooked to it and there's witnesses and it's plugged in and that's it. And everyone's like, you think this is better? Yeah, it's better. Think about how flawed the system is and think about how expensive it is. Oh, we got the judges and the court appointed this and the bailiffs and the stenographers. It's all done. It's all done that afternoon. Pow! Not millions of bucks. Gone. But pow! And the amount of money we spent on, you know, OJ., Robert Blake and Michael Jackson could have built three schools.

1:10:39 Yeah.

1:10:41 Adam It's a device, size of a suitcase. People get trained to administer it and that's it. And it's for everything. It's for everything, Drew. Same one use, murders use on petty theft. Yes?

1:10:56 Drew Yes.

1:10:56 Adam All right. But no personal use.

1:11:00 Drew Oh, no?

1:11:00 Adam We don't need the old lady getting all those. Oh, yeah.

1:11:03 Drew That would be bad. Bad times. Of course, there will be a home unit one day.

1:11:06 Adam Well, went on at the bachelor party. Oh, you know, it's your penitentiary. Yeah, we don't need that. So lie detector. Hey, find out, Chris, find out, find out how accurate the polygraph test is now anyway.

1:11:22 Drew OK.

1:11:22 Adam All right.

1:11:23 Drew Here we go. We'll take some calls in the meantime.

1:11:24 Adam Why not? Why not, Drew? Why not?

1:11:29 Drew I'm with you.

1:11:29 Adam And as the society were satisfied. Are you sad? But, you know, because with Michael Jackson, are you satisfied? Oh, well, I guess this means he never touched anyone.

1:11:41 Drew I just like the message goes out to people that sue. We're not listening anymore. I love it.

1:11:45 Adam I love the message that says, listen, chick, listen, nutball. You try to sue a casino, you try to sue a bunch of other celebrities, you try to sue everyone, and now no one believes you. Good. That's the way it should be. There should be a limit on the amount of suing you do. And that's that. And then, then actually, if it actually did happen, something actually happened, I'm actually glad you can't sue because all the other false lawsuits brought up before this. Fine. I love you people to get punished. I wish you'd just die, really be a better world. But the point is, is let's get this device in because there's no satisfaction. Do you have satisfaction with Robert Blake? Do you have satisfaction with OJ? Do you have satisfaction with Michael Jackson? Do you feel like you know?

1:12:26 No.

1:12:27 Drew I feel like I know, but I feel like I have satisfaction.

1:12:29 Adam Just with Michael Jackson, you don't feel satisfied, do you?

1:12:32 Drew No. But I have remarkably good feelings about the whole thing.

1:12:35 Adam You do, but you still feel like the guy's probably done something in his life and he's going home.

1:12:39 Drew Yeah. Okay. Hope he learned something. I guess well.

1:12:45 Adam Yeah. I don't know what he's learned. What do you learned about keeping your hands off women?

1:12:49 Drew Well, how dare you?

1:12:51 Adam Well, you know what I'm saying?

1:12:52 Drew No, I'm just saying.

1:12:53 Adam Come on, Drew, knock it off.

1:12:54 Drew Let's go.

1:12:54 Adam We need you folks to work now.

1:12:56 Drew He's an opiate addict. Maybe he's bottoming out.

1:12:58 Adam He is? How do you know?

1:13:00 Drew He was treated for opiate addiction in London, remember?

1:13:02 Adam Yeah, but still.

1:13:03 Drew Yeah.

1:13:03 Adam See how that works?

1:13:04 Drew Janelle, go ahead. Quick, before Adam goes on another diatribe.

1:13:08 Caller What?

1:13:09 Drew Before Adam spouts off again. Come on, here we go.

1:13:12 Caller Okay.

1:13:13 Drew Here we go. Jill, you speak, quick. There we go.

1:13:17 Yeah. Well, basically.

1:13:20 Adam No, it took too long.

1:13:21 Drew Come on, come on, come on. It took too long. Come on.

1:13:24 Caller All right.

1:13:26 Adam Go ahead, Janelle.

1:13:28 I've been with my boyfriend for a long time and everything is actual is fine. Except more recently, a couple of weeks ago, when I was performing oral sex with him, he.

1:13:44 Drew Is that a question?

1:13:45 Adam Huh? Yes, you were.

1:13:47 Drew Yeah, hold on.

1:13:47 Adam Let's review the tape. OK, yes, you were performing not not not well, but yes, you were performing. Looks like that's what you're attempting to do.

1:13:55 Drew OK, go ahead.

1:13:56 Adam So you're performing oral on him.

1:13:57 Go ahead. Instead of semen, it came out pee. And he wanted me to swallow it just the same as I would if. It was, you know, the other stuff.

1:14:11 Adam Who says chivalry is dead, Drew?

1:14:13 Drew And what did you say to him when he asked you to do that?

1:14:16 I was just so shocked and I didn't, you know, I just kind of spit it out, but it happened again and the same thing happened.

1:14:25 Adam And he's again on a different evening.

1:14:28 Yeah, a different evening.

1:14:29 Drew Did you have a discussion about what he was doing? Are you sure it was urine?

1:14:34 Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

1:14:36 Drew Why?

1:14:37 Well, it wasn't, you know, like gooey and white.

1:14:43 Drew Yes, sometimes guys are very, very thin and clear.

1:14:47 Really?

1:14:48 Drew Yeah.

1:14:48 Because the same thing, I mean, it felt, I mean, to him, he said it felt the same as, as, you know, but I'd been with him for so long and it had never, it had always been the same way for, you know.

1:14:58 Drew No, guys, guys, he's been masturbating more lately, probably, and it gets very thin and very liquidy.

1:15:04 Yeah.

1:15:05 Drew That's not urine. Yeah. That's not urine. Well, he said, he said, if I feel like I ejaculated, some fluid came out of it. That's not urine. It's almost impossible for a guy to urinate when he has an erection anyway.

1:15:16 Adam Tell me about it every morning. Same thing. All right. You know, that's not urine.

1:15:22 Okay.

1:15:23 Adam Well. It didn't smell like urine, did it?

1:15:26 No, but.

1:15:27 Drew It's not urine, please. Recent research reveals that the accuracy of the new computerized polygraph system is close to one hundred percent.

1:15:37 Adam One hundred percent. And everyone is like, well, yeah, but what about that one percent? Well, yeah, but what about that forty five percent that we currently deal with? Do you know what I'm saying?

1:15:50 Drew Yeah.

1:15:52 Adam Look, let's let's just put it's close to one hundred percent.

1:15:56 Drew Critics calculate the accuracy in the seventy percent range.

1:16:01 Adam Even seventy percent is a much better shake than most folks would get in court, pro or con.

1:16:09 Drew Wow.

1:16:10 Adam Yes. Drew, the point is, is we're about there. Let's just focus on it. We'll turn every courthouse into a tech school, trade tech.

1:16:20 Drew So they're they're they're sort of conservative estimates are eighty seven and a half percent. Their claim is close to one hundred percent and critics say seventy percent.

1:16:29 Adam But it's still all much higher than what we're currently dealing with. I think. What do you think the current system is?

1:16:37 Drew I will certainly people who are guilty aren't likely to get and think about it and think about bang for your buck.

1:16:43 Adam Think about your money at cost. This is just a device. Just hook them up. Nothing.

1:16:48 Drew And this is before the world scientists get a hold of it.

1:16:50 Adam This is before we go to work on this thing. Five years from now, it's done. We test and test and test, Drew. You understand? What's so precious about our system? You know what I mean? Why is it the best system in the world? And everyone always does that thing where it's like, well, it's, you know, it's flawed. It's, you know, lots of time, things happen. It's the best, best one we got. But this one could be better. You know what this is like? This is like the NFL letting instant replay in. We have the technology. Let's use it. Yeah, but the official said he was out of bounds. Yeah, but don't you want to really know if he was out of bounds or not? Isn't it more satisfying?

1:17:33 Drew Yeah.

1:17:33 Adam And this is life or death? OK.

1:17:37 Drew Lori, 23.

1:17:39 Caller Hello, Dr. Drew.

1:17:40 Drew Hey, Lori.

1:17:41 Adam, right on.

1:17:42 Adam Thank you. I don't know what people. What part of the population, besides those effing trial lawyer bastards, what part wouldn't be down with this?

1:17:54 Drew You're right.

1:17:54 Adam What part of those is that, you know, Governor Schwarzenegger said, look, we're going to use this thing. And we use the California. We're going to save twenty billion dollars a year. Here we go. Everyone just piled right on through. Traffic tickets to murder. It's all going on. Find out whether you did it or not. And then you'll just be judged accordingly. That'll be that. Yes. Don't. Is that the point? Don't we want the guilty to go away? And most certainly the innocent not to go away?

1:18:21 Drew Maybe we don't.

1:18:22 Adam I don't think we do.

1:18:23 Drew I don't think that's the deal.

1:18:24 Adam I think we're in love with the process.

1:18:26 Drew Yeah.

1:18:27 Adam Go ahead, Laurie.

1:18:28 Caller Okay. Dr. Drew.

1:18:30 Okay, Laurie.

1:18:32 Adam You know why? You know why? Because people say with the righteousness in their voice, they're like, look, I'm sure OJ killed his ex-wife, but they did not prove beyond a reason. Would you shut up with that stuff? Who are you talking to? We're just trying to decide whether he killed her or not. That's all. That's all everything is for. It's all the court was built for. We just decide and then we do some with him. Become some sort of sport, some sort of game. It's like, yeah, well, he deserves to walk because they didn't do a good enough job of convincing the jurors.

1:19:13 Drew It also becomes a way of expressing social attitudes and- Right.

1:19:19 Adam This gets rid of everything. There's no race, there's no religion, there's no anything anymore with this thing. No one can cry foul because it's just a piece of metal. Go ahead, Lori.

1:19:30 Caller Okay. I've been on Plexa for three years for depression and anxiety, and it doesn't seem to be working. So today the doctor gave me something called Simbalta. And I was just curious, Dr. Drew, if you knew anything about this because I know it's a fairly new drug.

1:19:46 Drew Yeah. It's actually called dualoxetine. It's a dual agent antidepressant like Effexor or Venlafaxine, and it hits both the serotonin and the norepinephrine, or in the noradinergic system. And it's fairly effective, about the same as Effexor. It's very popular right now. They use it a lot with people who have headaches and pain and that sort of thing. I personally have not seen it to be more effective than Effexor, but it's not a bad medicine. Usual side effects, you know, sexual dysfunction, that kind of stuff. But stronger than what you've been on. So that's a reasonable move.

1:20:14 Adam All right. Just found out his father was gay. Andrew?

1:20:19 Hello?

1:20:20 Adam Bogus.

1:20:21 Caller Hey, what's up?

1:20:24 Caller Uh, it's kind of a long story. You have to hear the whole thing to really like understand it fully. Um, my mom and my dad got divorced when I was five years old. And, uh, I was never allowed to see my dad. And my mom never gave me a reasonable explanation why I couldn't see my dad. And my mom raised me in a very strict religious setting. And, uh, within, like, the past, I think, five, yeah, five months ago, I, uh, moved in with my dad. And, uh, we talked, like, just before I moved in with him. And I found out he was gay.

1:21:05 Drew All I know is that Andrew's depressed. That's the only thing I know so far.

1:21:09 Adam Can't stop thinking about my lie detector. And then my tack crust. And my heated sofa.

1:21:15 Drew Must have. So what's the question, Andrew?

1:21:18 Adam Why you, you're depressed because, and why didn't your dad try to get hold of you in all this time?

1:21:24 Caller Well, he did, it's just my mom kept me, like, uh, like, kept me away from him. Like, did everything she could so that I couldn't speak with him.

1:21:32 Drew All right, so what's the question?

1:21:34 Adam That's not a reasonable excuse on your father's side.

1:21:37 Drew Right.

1:21:37 Adam Pinning it all on your mom. True. Could you imagine? Oh, yeah, no, you just go, you just head over to the house.

1:21:42 Drew You'd show up at the school or something. Yeah.

1:21:44 Adam Yeah. Like maniac. Yeah. So.

1:21:48 Caller Um, but my question is, uh, right now, like, I accept it because like I kind of have to, cause like I live with him. That's just how it goes. And I have to like, you know, but like, I don't know if I'm going to resent it when I, like resent him when I'm older, like.

1:22:03 Adam For being gay?

1:22:04 Caller Well, not being gay, but just for like, putting me in a situation where I see him and his wife partner together and also like not telling me until.

1:22:14 Drew No, if you resent him at all, it's going to be for not having been in your life. I don't think this sexual preference is going to make a big difference. I really.

1:22:20 Adam But Andrew, little, little, depression, little depression, little therapy for that depression, baby, doll or something or something because something's going on.

1:22:29 Drew This is the guy that might respond to classical music and sports and stuff.

1:22:32 Adam Classical music and exercise, baby.

1:22:35 Drew Yeah.

1:22:35 Adam Firm regimen, building character. One loser at a time. All right. Ready to take a break?

1:22:42 Drew I am ready.

1:22:43 Adam All right. We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this.

1:22:48 Loveline.

1:22:49 Adam Will be right back.

1:22:53 Drew One and only. Live 105.

1:23:07 Adam Yeah, Loveline. Whoo, get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on.

1:23:12 Drew And I think we've given away our iTunes for tonight, but for tomorrow night call again, the first 10 callers that get on the air with a question, not a bogus question, a real question, but when an iTunes gift card valued at $99. Those of you who are over 18.

1:23:25 Adam That's right. 99 songs, everybody.

1:23:28 Drew And the BA-1.

1:23:30 Adam All you need is 99 songs. I got that iPod and then like I said, everyone does that thing where I'm like, well, I got the I got the iPod second generation and there are people like, oh yeah, but that only holds 2400 songs. I don't know 2400 songs.

1:23:48 Drew Well, seriously negative slideshows and stuff.

1:23:50 Adam Drew, he's sitting here with, I don't know who was seriously looking me in the eye and just basically telling me that, you know, 1800 songs was not enough to get him, you know, down the street in his car. I don't remember that, but it's like, I was like, yeah, 1800 songs, that's plenty. Oh dude, no way. You'd be surprised. You know, they give that BS answer, you go, you think you listen, that you get tired of 1800? You'd be surprised. When people use, you'd be surprised, like I use, yeah, but still.

1:24:16 Drew When the day is done.

1:24:17 Adam Yeah. Oh no, you'd be surprised. Like, oh yeah, oh yeah, sure. No, I don't know, that's how it goes. You hop in your car, you drive down the corner to grab a quart of milk and you're burnt out on the 2300 songs. That's how it works.

1:24:30 Caller Yeah, of course.

1:24:30 Adam That's exactly how it works. All right. You ready, Drew?

1:24:33 Caller Yeah.

1:24:35 Adam Chris?

1:24:36 Guest Yeah.

1:24:37 Adam You're 29?

1:24:38 Guest Yep.

1:24:40 Drew What's the deal?

1:24:40 Adam What's happening?

1:24:43 Caller Well, I've been dating this chick for about three months now and sex has been good and all of a sudden, just this past Saturday, she asked me to, I hate to say it, it sounds weird, but poop on her.

1:24:55 Drew What would make you think that would sound weird?

1:24:57 Adam That's cool.

1:24:57 Caller Well, because I wouldn't, it's pretty disgusting to me.

1:25:01 Adam On what part of her? What part of her?

1:25:04 Caller She wanted me to poop on her stomach.

1:25:07 Caller Because I was on top of her and doing the regular missionary position and she said, well, can you get on top of me and poop on me? And I was kind of like, what are you joking? And then I was kind of like, blew it off, kind of like a kind of thing like, yeah. And then she asked me, well, if you won't do that, can you pee on me?

1:25:28 Drew Talk to us about this girl. What does she do? What's her, what's she all about?

1:25:31 Adam She's a blank. Chris, do you think you could produce on her?

1:25:37 Caller Yeah, that's not an issue. It's just, I don't know whether she's a sicko and I should run.

1:25:41 Caller Hold on, hold on, hold on.

1:25:42 Adam Produce, produce a number two?

1:25:46 Caller Yeah, if I really, I mean, I guess, I mean, if I really wanted to, As you said, Adam, that's not exact science.

1:25:52 Drew There's a sort of a...

1:25:53 Adam No, it is not.

1:25:54 Drew A component of the nervous system that is not under complete volitional control there.

1:25:58 Adam Yeah.

1:25:59 Drew And you get a little shy action there.

1:26:01 Adam No, a lot of guys can't take a whiz at the airport.

1:26:04 Drew Right, but especially number two.

1:26:11 Adam But two, I'm not a circus monkey, I can't just produce, you know? I'm gonna need a little heads up. First off, you should be going through my assistant. That would be my thing. I'm gonna need a couple days' advance notice, I'm gonna have to vary my diet, I'm gonna have to work this out. You know what I mean?

1:26:28 Drew I got the timing, every timing issue. The multiple kinds of timing, time of day.

1:26:32 Adam Yeah.

1:26:32 Drew Time of day.

1:26:35 Adam It'd be funny, like I'd try like eight times, and you'd just see her pass out, but you would wake up with a nice surprise on the comforter. It's like, what happened? About 4.30 in the morning, it came. I'm sorry, it was loose. Yeah. Loose stool. Bad times. Chris? Yeah. I'm halfway between believing you and not believing you.

1:27:00 Drew But might as well go with the believe. It's such a creative call, even if it's a bogus one.

1:27:04 Adam Yeah, it's basic though. It's not that creative.

1:27:08 Drew Delivered well.

1:27:09 Adam Yes. Okay. I'll go with you.

1:27:11 Drew And there are people that do this crap. You should excuse the expression.

1:27:15 Adam Yeah. What else do you know about her?

1:27:18 Caller Well, she's a banker. She seemed like a good catch. She doesn't drink very much. She doesn't smoke at all. And she's kind of the girl you take home to mom. And that's what's so surprising to me and kind of threw me off. She wasn't the freak you find at the bar that's been with every guy.

1:27:35 Caller You know what I mean?

1:27:36 Caller She's kind of like just a really normal person that you would just think, you know, the kind of like, as a guy, you're like, oh, this is a marrying type.

1:27:43 Caller But then-

1:27:45 Drew Have you found anything else about her history? Is she abuse history or anything weird going on?

1:27:49 Caller You know what?

1:27:50 Caller She doesn't know her father at all.

1:27:53 Caller I know that her mother has gone through, you know, a couple of different marriages and, you know, that's what she's seen her whole life.

1:28:01 Drew Something happened to her along the way here. Something bad. Yeah. Yeah.

1:28:08 Adam All right, Chris, if this is true. Well, I think you have to do Connor.

1:28:15 Drew No, I think this is called produce.

1:28:18 Adam I think you need to talk to produce. I drew. What do you do if you're Chris? Are you into her? Do you think you may fall in love with her?

1:28:28 Caller It's going that way. It definitely is.

1:28:31 Drew I mean, I think you get out before it's too late.

1:28:36 Adam Really? Deal breaker?

1:28:38 Drew Yeah.

1:28:40 Adam I can't figure out if Chris... There's a bogus...

1:28:45 Drew I know, but let's just have a discussion about it...

1:28:47 Adam .hinge to this. Here's the thing. If there's nothing bogus about this, if I was talking to Drew's son and he came up to me and told me this exact story, I would say...

1:29:01 Drew Wrap it up.

1:29:01 Adam Wrap it up. Get out of there. Damage goods. Sorry. And he'd say, but I'm really in love. And I'd say, this, you're not going to be able to fix this one. It's too tall in order for you. It's all the king's horses and all the king's men.

1:29:17 Drew So we address this criticism up front. How dare you? These people just into these things. You're being so judgmental just because they're into some bizarre sexual activity doesn't mean there's anything wrong with them.

1:29:28 Adam Flawed. Flawed.

1:29:29 Drew It means something.

1:29:30 Adam It means something big.

1:29:32 Drew Something big. Is it irreparable?

1:29:38 Adam No. It needs to be. It is like a single-hulled oil tanker that ran aground. It needs to be contained now. Get the nets out and contain this baby.

1:29:54 Drew I agree with you.

1:29:55 Adam And it ain't gonna happen. It's gonna bleed all over the sound.

1:29:59 Drew If he were, for whatever reason, super motivated, you'd say, all right, go at it. Good luck. Enjoy. But if he's sort of, eh, eh, eh, now what if she said just the pee part? By the way, isn't that mostly the guys that want to be peed on?

1:30:12 Caller Uh, yeah.

1:30:15 Adam Once in a while, you'll nail a chick in the shower, you know, just for fun, when she turns her back to you. But that's just sport, though. That's sport. Yeah, you're just doing that. You're just doing that for sport. All right, Drew. Look, so we're saying walk away.

1:30:29 Drew I'm not, don't make any choices for it, but we're saying contain the spill. All right.

1:30:33 Adam Before, yes. Before when the seagull gets covered in it.

1:30:38 Drew Yes, yes.

1:30:38 Adam So sad to see the birds covered with the wild roe. Jeremy?

1:30:43 Guest Yeah.

1:30:43 Adam 20?

1:30:44 Caller Hello?

1:30:45 Guest Yeah.

1:30:47 Drew Yeah. That's what I was thinking, too.

1:30:49 Caller All right.

1:30:49 Guest You got me?

1:30:51 Adam Yeah.

1:30:51 Caller Okay. Well, my question is, I've been dating a girl for about 10 months now, and I'm out in California for an internship. I'm actually living with her family for the summer. Her mom, I met a couple months into the relationship, and she's always like really flirty lady. Her mom's like late 40s, early 50s or so, and she's been really, really blatantly hitting on me lately, especially this last weekend when her girlfriend went out of town, I mean when my girlfriend went out of town and to go visit some friends in LA, and she was trying to get me to like cover with her on the couch while watching a movie, and I was like, why don't you sleep in my bed, because her husband was gone on a trip too. So it's just me and her, and it's all pretty weird. It makes me really uncomfortable. I love my girlfriend and stuff, but I still know if I should tell her that her mom is blatantly like hitting on me and...

1:31:48 Drew No, just get out of there. Very simple. Get out of the relationship or get out of that house?

1:31:54 Caller Okay.

1:31:55 Drew Get out of that house.

1:31:56 Adam Well, how long are you supposed to be here for the whole summer doing an internship?

1:32:00 Caller Yeah, until August, actually. I drove out here from Texas.

1:32:04 Adam Where are you doing your internship?

1:32:07 Caller In San Diego.

1:32:08 Adam Where?

1:32:10 Caller I really don't want to say the company over the phone.

1:32:12 Adam What kind of company?

1:32:14 Caller Just a finance.

1:32:17 Adam Finance company?

1:32:18 Drew Yeah. What's the job you do exactly?

1:32:22 Caller I mean, I'm an internship in the finance department, just accounting and that type of stuff.

1:32:27 Adam Listen, I dig the internship. More people ought to do it. Why not, Drew?

1:32:33 Drew No, it's fine. I'm just...

1:32:34 Adam You don't believe him?

1:32:35 Drew When you have an intern, you know exactly what you're doing.

1:32:37 Adam Well, he knows what he's doing. He just doesn't want to tell you because he doesn't want people listening.

1:32:40 Drew That doesn't make you... Doesn't withhold you from saying the job you're gonna...

1:32:44 Adam I mean, it's just like a gopher. Look, we would have interns at the man show. They didn't do anything. They just got coffee.

1:32:51 Drew Well, they tell you. That's...

1:32:53 Adam All right. No, that was good enough. Jeremy. Yeah. Your... Is your girlfriend back?

1:33:02 Caller Yeah, she was only gone for the weekend, but that's where we kind of came from.

1:33:05 Drew Where did you meet your girlfriend?

1:33:07 Caller How old was my girlfriend? 19.

1:33:09 Drew Where did you meet her?

1:33:10 Guest Oh, I go to college with her.

1:33:12 Adam Okay. Look, here's the deal. Hang out with your girlfriend. Don't hang out alone and drink wine coolers with mom. You're fine.

1:33:18 Drew Yeah, just don't be alone with mom.

1:33:19 Adam As a dude, you don't have to do anything. Just don't respond.

1:33:21 Drew Yeah.

1:33:22 Adam It's not you're not threatened. You know what I mean?

1:33:24 Drew Yeah, that's true.

1:33:24 Adam Chick, you're in a threatened, vulnerable situation. As a guy, eh, yeah. Just don't get in that uncomfortable situation where you have to tell Mrs. Robinson to piss off.

1:33:35 Drew There are, this history is replete with stories of women though telling lies if guys don't respond kind of thing. Claiming things.

1:33:41 Adam Not, not, yes.

1:33:42 Drew The point is, this is a dangerous woman. Is she very dangerous?

1:33:44 Adam Very effed up people, but not ones who are worried about their husband.

1:33:49 Drew But she's dangerous.

1:33:50 Adam Possibly.

1:33:51 Drew You just stay away. Just get out of the house if you possibly can.

1:33:55 Adam I got this temporary crown on my tooth, you know, still that post in there. That's the other side. Oh, it's a disaster. My mouth's like someone put a grenade in my mouth. That's really what it's like. I got the temporary. So I got this temporary crown and the inside of it is like didn't do a very good job of sculpting it. And the inside of it has some sharp burrs on it and it sort of cut my tongue and like irritated my tongue. So that every time I eat, you know, I bite into a nectarine or something. The acid stings my tongue. You know, when your tongue, your taste buds get screwed up with it or whatever gets sensitive. I guess it smells like burrs inside my tongue. Inside. It's on the inside, naturally, where the tongue keeps scraping against it.

1:34:38 Drew Go ahead and file it down.

1:34:39 Adam I'm doing it tomorrow. I'm thinking about just doing it myself, actually, because like, I got tools to do it. But here's the thing. Yeah, miserable. So I had this horrible thought. I cursed myself. The chick who was doing it was like, basically like one of my mom's friends. I'm just lying there and I'm like-

1:34:57 Drew She's a dentist?

1:34:58 Adam My mouth's open. No, but the dentist finish her work and then bring the chick in to do the thing. So I'm lying there and I'm like, she's mixing up the epoxy and getting the sculpting thing. I thought, first thought was, she's a pro. Next thought is, she's a chick. I thought to myself, she knows what she's doing. Then I thought to myself, you know any chicks who you trust working on your house, or working on your auto, you're like your car, like doing some detail work on your car or something like that.

1:35:25 Drew Women make great surgeons sometimes.

1:35:26 Adam Yeah, they make. Then I thought, chicks make jewelry and stuff like that. That's intricate stuff. Then I thought, she reminds me of one of my mom's goofball friends. I'd rather have a guy who was like a carpenter. Like a machinist. I want some German guy who was bald, and salt and pepper on the side, thick glasses. You know what I mean? Anti-social type. Wearing a weird leather smock.

1:35:50 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

1:35:51 Adam Looking like Marathon Man leaning over me.

1:35:54 Drew Or Benny Hill.

1:35:55 Adam Right. So, not Benny Hill.

1:35:56 Drew Yeah, Benny Hill in J.J.Bing.

1:35:59 Adam I don't want to hear wacky sax playing while the guy's fixing my teeth. You know what song wacky sax is? All right. Anyway, point is, I'm just looking at her going, I'm running through all the stuff in my brain, and then she finishes, and I'm like, all right, it's fine. Then later on, I cut my tongue and I think, damn, my mom's friend. See? I'll call me old-fashioned. I like a dude with that stuff.

1:36:20 Drew Yeah? Tonight you've hit an unusually intense sexist pitch.

1:36:25 Adam Thank you.

1:36:26 Drew Something's on your mind. Something happened.

1:36:27 Adam Really? What else has been sexist?

1:36:30 Drew I know, but I really was noticing that. You're like, a lot of the men in the Tasha history stuff.

1:36:34 Adam Maybe it's the constant pain of my tongue scraping against that burr on my tooth that has driven me, and I have this woman's, this woman's face just seared into my brain. I just remember thinking when the dentist left, where are you going, buddy? There's an old lady in here now. Yeah, I'm screwed. All right.

1:36:52 Drew There we go.

1:36:53 Adam Hope they're not listening, because I got to head in tomorrow. Take a quick break. Be right back after this. Yeah, my brothers and sisters. What be happening? It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Yeah. What date is it today?

1:37:33 Drew It's the 13th.

1:37:35 Adam Oh, okay. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-191. Let's hop back to the phones and speak to Holly, who's 18. Holly?

1:37:45 Caller Yeah?

1:37:46 Adam What's up, baby doll?

1:37:47 Caller Sorry. Okay. So, my boyfriend wants to get just like Prince Albert hybrid piercing.

1:37:55 Drew Hybrid?

1:37:56 Caller Well, it's like this tube goes up the urethra. And it's like a ridge.

1:38:03 Adam Prius Albert. The hybrid.

1:38:05 Drew I was thinking to myself already, what could be in it for him? But go ahead.

1:38:09 Adam Yeah.

1:38:10 Caller And he says it's going to increase our sexual pleasure. But I want to know if it's going to hurt me.

1:38:16 Drew It can. It can hurt. And I've yet to really talk to them. And that was genuinely enthusiastic about it. They like the idea of it, some women, but actually changing the sexual experience. I don't think there's such a person out there.

1:38:28 Caller Really? So it could hurt me?

1:38:31 Caller Well, tear the condom.

1:38:33 Drew Yeah. You have to get reinforced condoms. You have a special kind of condom.

1:38:37 Adam Isn't this sort of training wheels for your penis? If you think about it, like, look, buddy, if you can't go into battle with just your sword, you know, if you got to bring a pistol into battle, where's the nobility in that? You know what I'm saying, Drew?

1:38:52 Drew And pistol is too useful a tool. It's more like you're wearing spurs but you're not riding a horse.

1:38:58 Adam Yeah, but I have a certain amount of pride. Like, look, if I can't get it done with my tongue, my hunker and my fist and my trusty strap on butt plug. No, if I cannot get it done with the hunker and the tongue, I will step aside and gladly lay my penis down and walk away defeated and shamed.

1:39:24 Drew The hybrid instrument you may come up with some day, the tongue honker.

1:39:28 Adam Tongue honker.

1:39:29 Drew Tongue honker.

1:39:30 Adam Tongue honker. Yeah. Cafferita. Drew, this is what it's come to. It's bad. OK. Yeah. All right.

1:39:41 Caller Yeah.

1:39:42 Adam I'm sorry. I'm I'm I'm I'm lisping tonight because of my damaged tongue.

1:39:46 Caller It's OK.

1:39:47 Adam All right. Look, I don't understand it. I don't trust it. I don't like it. I just I don't trust it. I don't trust this guy.

1:39:56 Drew It doesn't. I don't like that. It's not as though it's kind of a magical effect on your sex life. It really isn't.

1:40:03 Adam OK. How about you be 18 and just be horny? Can you do that? That's the best effect you can have. All right.

1:40:11 Caller OK. Well, thank you.

1:40:12 Adam It's good enough.

1:40:13 Caller It's fine.

1:40:15 Adam Here's the thing. Here's the thing. It's like someone's saying I'm skydiving, but I'm bored. I'm going to start doing amyl poppers after I jump out of the plane. It's like, look, if you're having difficulty getting a rush from skydiving, you've got a problem, right? You don't need to do a line of coke while you're falling, plummeting toward Earth at one hundred and thirty miles an hour.

1:40:39 Drew Yes. Agreed.

1:40:40 Adam If you're 18 and you don't dig sacks, something's up.

1:40:43 Drew Or it's not that you don't dig it, you have to up the ante in some way.

1:40:46 Adam Up the ante. Well, yes, to me, in a way, that's not digging it. Drew is a man of passion. Go back.

1:40:54 Drew I'm wondering what they're up to. We really have to talk to them.

1:40:57 Adam Turn the calendar back to those passionate, passionate glory years of years.

1:41:01 Drew See, I think so.

1:41:02 Adam Looking forward to sacks, there's nothing about improving it. Improving it was doing it more for you.

1:41:07 Drew So I think some of these kids are sort of thinking that they're going to sort of advertise more or attract a certain kind of person more, which they might. It's possible, I suppose, but you're not going to change the experience more.

1:41:17 Adam Maybe porn, the internet, and these horrible chick magazines have upped the ante to such a point where people feel like they're getting chipped. Drew, let me float this far in your way. I think these magazines, you know, it's like, I really feel like, I see my wife sitting around and she's reading these chick magazines and it's like, who's looking hot on the red carpet? And, oh, there she is. It's Brad Pitt and his new lady, and it's this Ewan McGregor and his new lady. Look how hot everyone, look at Angelina Jolie, and everyone looks flawless, and everyone looks amazing, and the flash bulbs are popping. And I think my wife sits there and stares at it and goes, what am I doing? Why am I not there? How come I'm not on that red carpet? Why am I not in that fabulous dress? And I think guys look at that magazine or any magazine, and they go, wow, look at that hot chick.

1:42:15 Drew Look at her.

1:42:16 Adam Man, look at Brad Pitt. He's with her and he's with her, and I want to be with her. Why can't I be with her? I think it breeds a lot of envy. I think the first thing is envy.

1:42:26 Drew Envy is a very dangerous feeling, by the way.

1:42:29 Adam It ruins your life. Because you're sitting there and you're going, why am I not there? Why am I not with her? Why doesn't my old lady look like this old lady? Why doesn't my suit look like that suit? Why don't my abs look like his abs? Why doesn't my car look like his car? Why doesn't anything like anything? Then you start building these sort of fantasies and the media helps it. It's like, oh, then they go back to their palatial state when they're not there, they're hideaway in Hawaii. And you're like, oh, oh, oh, that's what I want. That's what I need.

1:42:59 Drew Also, by the way, it makes it probably dangerous to be in that position because people start thinking they're going to take them down because that's what envy is. Envy is a way to diminish the people are true.

1:43:08 Adam And then the guy kills himself six months later and you realize he never was happy. But here's the thing. We're exposed to so much of this stuff now.

1:43:17 Drew And imagine you're an adolescent, too.

1:43:19 Adam I mean, oh, you're 13 and you watch entertainment tonight. Your head's exploding. We're going to Monaco with Tom Cruise and what's your nose from Dawson's Creek? And, oh, they're just everyone's, oh, we're on a yacht.

1:43:29 Drew Today's show's doing Where's Tom Cruise? That's the Today's Show.

1:43:32 Adam Oh, really?

1:43:33 Drew They're going back to hard news, though.

1:43:34 Adam Right. OK, the point is, when they say they're going back to hard news, I mean, news is hard. We're going to do this fluff crap. I think that's what they mean. You didn't interpret it the right way. You're right. News too difficult. We're going to the fluff. Here's my point. I think everyone's getting caught up into this, and I think they're getting less and less satisfied with their life.

1:43:53 Drew Yes, I agree.

1:43:53 Adam And I think in my day and in your day, 18-year-old guy, 18-year-old chick getting it on, man couldn't do any better than that.

1:44:01 Drew Yeah.

1:44:02 Adam Give me a van. We'll park it down by the lake, and I'm going to bone my girl all night long, and then nothing's going to get better than that. Now, got up the ante.

1:44:10 Drew Yeah. They're going for the anal sacs. They're going for the piercings.

1:44:14 Adam Right.

1:44:15 Drew Yeah. I want to have what the blank has.

1:44:17 Adam It's empty.

1:44:18 Drew Yeah.

1:44:18 Adam You'll never look that good. You'll never have that good. You'll never feel that good.

1:44:22 Drew So?

1:44:23 Adam Unplug your TV. All right. I got about nine hours of TV to watch when I get home.

1:44:28 Drew And Wednesday Night Discovery Health Channel.

1:44:30 Adam No, no. That you can watch.

1:44:31 Drew Yeah.

1:44:32 Adam Or you go home and watch what I do, which is engineering disasters on modern marvels. You just watch suspension bridges plunging into the Potomac with cars filled filled with people in it. And you go, whoo, glad I ain't one of those cars. Then you go to bed and you feel better. Meanwhile, my wife opens the magazine and she's pissed at me. See, you see how that goes?

1:44:51 Drew Yes, I see.

1:44:53 Adam All right. So go home and watch a bunch of engineering disasters and be glad.

1:44:57 Drew Watch horrible footage of disasters.

1:44:59 Adam I mean, turn on the history, turn on the history channel. Watch a B-17 filled with 19 year olds just go into the German countryside on fire and realize those kids never saw their 20th birthday. And then you'll look in the mirror and smile and go to bed. All right? All right. And you'll get with me on wanting to bomb Germany again. Take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Well, that's the show, everyone. Thanks for listening. Bob Bergquist in here tomorrow night for the X Games. He is, I think he's the bicycle guy. He's done a few flips. So we'll take ourselves a extendo break. And until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo. Adam with the oral sex. Yeah, he's, um, well, he just, he doesn't, he doesn't understand.

1:46:30 Guest This has been Loveline.

1:46:34 Adam The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station.

1:46:42 Caller The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, June 13, 2005