Episode 1000699048700

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

1:01 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:08 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:14 Voiceover This is Loveline.

1:18 Voiceover With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:21 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191-DR-DREW. Board Certified Physician, Dictionary of Medicine Specialist. Drew just told me who won The Apprentice tonight, who got kicked off The Apprentice. I was like, why did you tell me? Drew's like, well, what was I supposed to know? I sat in here with Audrey for an hour. Told her it was my favorite show.

1:44 Drew Survivor is your favorite show. That one I know not to... I know you watch it religiously. You've never said you watch Survivor, I mean Apprentice, religiously.

1:52 Adam I told you what happened the last two episodes when we were driving home the other night.

1:56 Drew That's true. You did. But I didn't know what it meant anything to you. You know what I'm saying?

2:00 Adam All right.

2:00 Drew Survivor, I know you have to do your dance.

2:02 Adam I got to do my Survivor dance.

2:04 Drew It's important to you.

2:04 Adam Yeah, it is. That's true. I like The Contender too. I like The Contender. I like The Apprentice and I like Survivor. But Drew, I'm telling you, you gotta watch Survivor. It's really good.

2:15 Drew I've seen it a couple of times.

2:17 Adam Yeah, you told me about it with the Family Guy.

2:19 Drew I gotta watch more diligently.

2:21 Adam You gotta focus now. And in the, it's like Paloo or I don't know where the hell it is. Palau. It's amazing. It's visually amazing.

2:30 Drew Mark Burnett must be some kind of genius.

2:33 Adam He must be.

2:33 Drew Well, because he just does it. He just got the touch.

2:37 Adam I would assume that either he is or he surrounds himself with very capable people, which is a form of genius. Boy, that's one thing I couldn't take credit for.

2:47 Drew It has to be both.

2:48 Adam I do call myself a genius oftentimes, but that's around yourself with people.

2:51 Drew That's a harder, that's a harder.

2:53 Adam That's where I take a hit. You know what I mean? Like if you're arguing. Yeah. That's, that's one of your arguments. But yeah. Well, also essentially though, he does the same thing.

3:04 Drew Yeah. But still.

3:05 Adam It works.

3:06 Drew Yeah.

3:06 Adam But he just, he has a very powerful musical score. It gets like Hans Zimmer to do the music for the thing. So the music is just, you know, instead of the guy banging away on the Casio in the background, he has a fully scored piece.

3:19 Drew No, and it makes sure the music coincides with the moment.

3:22 Adam Yeah. It's like scoring a movie. And in the way it's shot, the look, the texture, everything. And other than that, I don't even know if it's better. I just know he can apply that to just about any idea and come up with something compelling. Yep. Yes.

3:39 Drew I call that genius.

3:40 Adam All right. Let's declare.

3:42 Drew All right.

3:43 Adam All right. Amy?

3:45 Yes.

3:46 Adam You're 20?

3:47 Caller Yes, I am.

3:48 Drew What's up?

3:49 Caller I'm actually calling. I have a question about my boyfriend. I've been dating him for about a month.

3:54 Adam Hold on a second. If you went out to dinner with Mark Burnett, you would probably come home without your genius label on it.

4:00 Drew Really? You think so?

4:01 Adam I think you would. I think you would. Especially if you went in with the genius label. It's hard to tell.

4:06 Drew Well, people never live up to their expectations.

4:09 Adam You can be impressed, but you can also be disappointed. But you would sniff him out. You would find some problems. You see him, he would have a few too many cocktails, start running at the mouth a little.

4:19 Drew Yeah. Blow hard.

4:20 Adam Yeah. He'd blow hard on you, and then you'd be a little disappointed.

4:24 Drew Yeah, you're right.

4:24 Adam All right. Okay. Amy?

4:27 Caller Yeah.

4:28 Adam Go ahead.

4:29 Caller Okay. I've been dating this guy John for about a month, and I haven't had sex with him, but we've messed around a little bit. And my question is, he gets an erection, but basically he has not been able to come at all. And I don't know what he...

4:45 Adam At all? At all?

4:47 Caller Nothing? And he's like, this just doesn't work. I'm like, what's your problem? I don't know.

4:53 Drew He needs the real thing. What? He needs the real thing. That's the problem.

4:57 Caller It is the real thing. I've never had a problem with any other guy before.

5:01 Drew Yeah, but some guys, some guys throw that way.

5:03 Adam Well, wait a minute. Are you giving him intercourse?

5:06 Drew No.

5:07 Caller No, I haven't gotten that far with him yet. He, I'm the first girl he's ever been with, like ever.

5:14 Adam All right. All right.

5:15 Drew That's a good part of the problem.

5:16 Adam Well, here's the thing, too. He's, he's, he has some anxiety, you know, you have that part where you're like, I've been with the masses and the multitudes and the throngs and nothing. I mean, mountains of semen. You, nothing. Pow. Salt Lake. I just, I mean, dry, dry river bed. The salt flats. Not salt lakes, salt flats. The point is, is that'll freak him out a little. He's a late bloomer. You got a lot of energy. He, and he may be a guy like Drew, whose passion lies between the legs, not between the upper and lower jaw.

5:51 Drew Or the OK sign.

5:52 Adam Or the OK sign, yeah.

5:54 Caller OK, yeah. He also, I'm sorry, go ahead.

5:57 Adam No, go ahead.

5:58 Caller He also, I thought, my friends thought I had something to do with, he smokes pot a lot, so they thought I had something to do with that, but I don't know.

6:05 Drew That definitely can. Some guys can have a lot of sexual dysfunction if they smoke very heavy pot.

6:11 Adam How old is he?

6:12 Caller He's 19.

6:13 Adam Yeah.

6:14 Drew It's hard to get that by 19.

6:15 Adam Yeah. Here's the whole thing about, you know, the sexual dysfunction, which is if you got a 19-year-old where the plumbing's hooked up and he's into it, there's not enough weed in Jamaica to stop this. If he's on the cusp, if he's tipping or if he's hanging around the border and he smokes a ton of weed, I mean, it's that way with everything. It's that way with cancer, you know? If you're near something, this can push you over.

6:41 Drew Follow a different line. This guy's smoking a lot of pot. It tends to be a guy who has depression. Some of them may have stuck him on Zoloft. So is he on their medication?

6:47 Caller No, he's not.

6:48 Drew You sure?

6:49 Caller Positive.

6:50 Adam Ah-ha!

6:51 Drew That's the other thing they do this.

6:53 Adam All right, why is he a virgin? He's 19, he's a virgin.

6:56 Yeah, he is.

6:58 Adam Does he have anxiety? Is he nervous?

7:02 Caller I have a feeling he is because it's really funny. Not too long ago, when I first started making out with him, he was a little reserved. And one night he was completely drunk and he was totally the opposite. He had no problems with anything. There was no anxiety at all. And I said to him the next day, I'm like, what changed? And he's like, I don't know, I don't know. So I think it might be, but I'm not sure.

7:21 It's really frustrating to me.

7:22 Adam Well, look, you haven't been going out with him very long. Just reel it in a little. Don't bum rush, just nutsack.

7:29 Right.

7:30 Drew And I realize there are some guys that kind of don't like oral sex. I don't know. Adam can't hang with them. They don't like oral sex. They don't like hand jobs. And they're just sort of like, not that turned on by me.

7:39 Adam I just ask that those guys stay away from me or up front about that. If I meet them, so we don't have to hang out.

7:46 Drew So how does the greeting go? Adam, great to meet you. You're not a blowjob guy.

7:50 Adam Yeah, and that's where I do that 80s movie thing where I just look at your hand while you're holding, you're extending it, and I'm like, sorry, bro. You know, I'm real 80s, you know? Maybe I'm wearing a bandana.

8:03 Drew So we need a more creative way of presenting that.

8:06 Adam Well, why don't you work up some sort of acronym or something? Able, job, guy. Yeah, NABG. Yeah, that's not going to work. That's not going to work. The point is, is I need to know what here's here's what I don't want to do. I don't want to go out, find out. Oh, you love remote control model airplanes and building and complaining. Next, you know, we're hoisting some beers. We're having a great time. And then somewhere, our number four of our mandate, I find out, not in the BJs, Crestfall, the humanity. I bought the guy, you know, sixer of Heineken's already. It's what would you do?

8:44 Drew How would you?

8:45 Adam I don't have to get out of there. I do that. I need time to think and I would run, run out of the bar crying.

8:52 Drew Yeah, just make it right to the sidewalk and put your hands just right down into a heap.

8:56 Adam That's right.

8:56 Drew Adam, Adam, what's the matter?

8:57 Adam You wouldn't understand. Get away from me. That's right. You get away from me.

9:01 Drew No, no, you'd say, you'd say, not into the BJ.

9:06 Adam And then it'd be like, it's all right. I'd be like, I don't even know you.

9:09 Drew I'll try, I'll try. I don't know you. I'll try to get into it. I'll try. I will.

9:12 Adam No, no, so you're not going to work. All right. Listen, Amy. Yes. Just slow it down with him a little. Pursue the relationship part of the relationship.

9:24 Drew He'll calm down a little bit.

9:25 Adam Yeah.

9:25 Drew Move it along if you decide to have sex with him. Maybe things will work fine.

9:28 Adam When are you going to have sex with him?

9:31 Caller I'm not sure. I don't know. Who knows?

9:35 Drew He's a really creepy guy. That response provokes in me a thousand questions.

9:38 Adam Yeah. Who knows?

9:39 Drew How do you know that?

9:40 Adam What do you mean you don't know?

9:42 Drew He's got a war room.

9:43 Adam He's got a plan. Next time she gets drunk, that's...

9:45 Drew What does she mean?

9:46 Caller I'm not going to plan a day.

9:47 Drew What do you mean you don't know? What does that mean?

9:50 Caller Whatever he's ready.

9:51 Drew I don't think he's obviously ready.

9:55 Adam He's not pushing things along, though. I mean, they're naked, they're doing stuff.

9:58 Drew He's that anxious guy, she's saying no, we're not going to have sex.

10:02 Adam I don't know if she's saying no. I think he's not pushing his agenda, Amy.

10:08 Caller I'm not saying no, believe me. I'm not like that.

10:10 Drew No, he's not a closer.

10:11 Adam He's just not... He doesn't have the eye of the tiger. He doesn't have anything.

10:16 Drew Eye waves, maybe it's a relaxing screen tumor or something.

10:19 Adam Amy.

10:20 Caller Yeah.

10:21 Adam Look, just take it slow. Give him a few beers, juice him up a little, and lowers anxiety level, see what happens.

10:29 Caller Okay.

10:30 Adam All right. But don't put the screws to him, you're freaking him out. Yeah, the guy, he's freaked out. He hasn't done it. When you get to a certain age, I don't know what that age is, but it's no different for swimming than it is for humping. You make it to 19 without swimming, you're pretty freaked out by the water. You don't just go, oh yeah, hey, I'll go down to the Y and learn how to swim. It's like, no way. You got to get that crap out of your system when you're six or seven. It's the same for screwing. And of course, I'm not talking about six, seven, I'm talking about nine, ten. But the point is the same, you got to get it out and the longer you sit, now it's like weird. Yeah. All right. Let's talk to Sadie. Sadie? Yep. 20?

11:13 Yep.

11:14 Adam What's up?

11:16 I'm kind of sleeping with someone who's married. And he's older than me and all the good stuff that goes with that.

11:28 Adam Yeah. How long has this been going on?

11:30 About two months now.

11:32 Adam Do you work with him?

11:34 I used to. He quit a while ago.

11:36 Adam Are you in love with him?

11:38 No, I'm not stupid. I don't think he's going to leave his wife. I'm not a girly girl when it comes to that stuff.

11:44 Drew How old is he?

11:46 Thirty-seven.

11:48 Drew What's your plan?

11:51 I just got out of a three-year relationship and before that...

11:55 Drew You're telling us how fine you are with everything, so why are you calling?

11:58 Well, I'm just worried that it's going to completely mess me up about marriage because my parents are divorced and after seeing how this all goes, I don't ever want to get married because it seems like every guy cheats.

12:17 Drew Cheaters cheat.

12:18 Adam Hey, Sadie and guys are cheaters. I agree with Drew. You know, I asked you if you're in love with a guy and you answered that he would never leave his wife.

12:27 Drew You're fat.

12:29 Adam Please, Drew, which does not really answer my question, you know. Do you have feelings for the guy or don't you?

12:36 Yeah, I do. I have a great time when I'm with him.

12:41 Adam I figured. I mean, you're getting drawn into this.

12:44 I know. I'm a psych major, so I psychoanalyze myself. I used to be a cutter, so in my mind, I think this is kind of a form of self-mutilation because I know it's bad for me, but I still do it.

13:00 Adam Yeah.

13:02 And I keep taking it to the next level.

13:04 Drew Yeah. It's not. I mean, that's an inaccurate way of looking at it. However, you're right. You are into destructive and arousing behaviors and addictive behaviors.

13:13 Adam How often do you see him?

13:15 Um, one, two, three, four, usually four times a week.

13:20 Drew Wow.

13:20 Whatever, whatever we can get in pretty much.

13:24 Adam Four times a week. And is his wife clueless?

13:30 No, she's one of those Italian wives who kind of knows something's going on, but she's got the Mercedes SUV and the two, you know, trophy children and everything. She just kind of doesn't care.

13:42 Adam Trophy children.

13:43 That's my theory on it.

13:45 Adam Can you have trophy children? What do you do, cut your ugly kids off and get some good looking blind kids in there?

13:52 Drew Just the way she needs abandoning, neglectful, quasi-abusive husband, just like you. She needs that same kind of person. That's what her dad was, so that's what she needs.

14:01 It's not that she doesn't care.

14:03 Drew It's not like she's a liberated woman who likes the money. You know, it's not that. That's the kind of relationship she needs.

14:07 Adam Well, that's not what Sadie's saying, but.

14:09 Drew She was saying she wants the trophy children in the big car. No, she gets that, but what she needs is that relationship with the abusive guy.

14:17 Adam Well, let me just argue for the abusive guy. First off, they could have been married for 12 years or something like that.

14:24 Drew Why do you want to fight with me tonight? Everything I say you want to fight with.

14:26 Adam No, I don't. I'm not saying this guy's an abusive guy. Here's what I'm arguing with you about. I don't think she necess... I don't think that when a woman gets cheated on, it's because she needs to be hooked up to the abusive guy.

14:40 Drew Oh, no, I agree with you.

14:40 Adam That's what I'm saying. I don't know that this guy's wife wouldn't be destroyed to find out that he was cheating. And who knows? Maybe this guy is a car salesman and has that face painted on when he comes home.

14:53 Drew You're absolutely right. But I was responding really to her description of the wife as someone who needs that. She's...

14:59 Adam What she's doing is it's like, it's like when someone hires you to kill somebody, you want the money, but you have to justify that they're a bad person and they deserve what you're gonna do to them. And she's doing something bad to a person, so now she's making them qualified for what she's doing to them.

15:16 Drew Right. Absolutely.

15:17 Adam Sadie? Wow.

15:18 Yeah.

15:18 Adam See, that wasn't bad.

15:19 Drew You see how that works?

15:20 Adam Felt good.

15:20 Yeah. I do, but my therapist tells me that I should just end it because she's my therapist.

15:27 Adam Oh, well, now Drew says you got it. You got to get to five, six times a week. You see, he makes a difference.

15:32 I try to work on that, but, you know, why would you...

15:37 Drew Why do you question what your therapist is telling you to do?

15:40 Well, I'm not questioning it. I just don't want to do it. Like, I know I should because...

15:46 Adam All right. You're in love with the guy. You're falling in love with him. And let me ask you this. How long have they been married?

15:55 Fifteen years.

15:57 Adam Wow. And...

15:57 And it's not like I'm the first person he's cheated on. He's cheated on his wife.

16:01 Drew Yeah, cheaters cheat. See, I think that's part of the problem. The guys that cheat, it's just like the people that abuse children. You know what I mean? It's one group doing it and everyone else gets blamed for it.

16:11 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. Yeah.

16:14 Drew Not quite right.

16:14 Adam Yeah. Guys do a fair amount of it. Yeah.

16:16 Drew But the guys that do it, do it regularly. And so that becomes, oh, all guys cheat now.

16:20 Adam Yeah. No. The guys do... The guys who do the cheating are just like the guys who do the screwing in high school. One guy can bang half the student body and do enough humping for his entire, like, 10th grade class. You try to figure out what side of that I was on, by the way. Yeah. The point is these guys do this with cheating, too.

16:43 Drew How do you get what, Sadie?

16:44 How do I get out of picking these winners? My last boyfriend, completely and utterly verbally abusive, boyfriend before that, program...

16:55 Drew You actually have to do therapy. I do it there. No, you're not doing it. You're not doing it. You're sitting there and you're being obfuscating and you're not listening to therapy, doing whatever the hell you want. You need to surrender to the process. And frankly, somebody like you, Sadie, I think needs a 12-step process. I don't see it going forward in regular therapy. Because you're just completely stuck. And unless you do the work, ain't nothing going to change. Unless you surrender, you ain't going to do the work.

17:21 Adam Go, girl.

17:23 12-step process, meaning?

17:25 Drew Meaning some kind of 12-step process. You're probably an addict.

17:29 I'm assuming so. My family is filled with, you know, history.

17:33 Drew And you're behaving like an addict.

17:34 Adam You're smart. You're psych-made. You're got a shrink. Let's go. There we go.

17:37 Drew There are cutters anonymous. There is emotions. There are, you know, sex and love addicts anonymous. There are all kinds of 12-steps out there to deal with compulsive relationships.

17:45 Adam We just need one. We just need a basic sort of umbrella 12-step program for chicks whose dad's disappointed.

17:53 Drew Let's call it Christianity or something. Make it, make it. To put it in a religious.

17:56 Adam Yeah, that doesn't seem to be enough work involved, but that they only get to like the third step. Oh, yeah, that's true. So many women have had such a rough time with their dad. And then at that point, it's just some sort of they hit a fork in the road that could go down the addiction path, they could go down the abusive boyfriend path. There's a million paths, but it's all sort of horrible dad, abandoning dad, abusive dad. Wouldn't it be nice if there was just some huge like a blimp hanger in every city where every chick whose dad screwed him over? And doesn't matter what they're doing now. It's just your dad screwed you over, come on down, let's not make the same mistakes.

18:34 Drew But isn't it interesting how she really illustrates the process of change? We all see their go, oh my God, doesn't she see what she's doing? She's like, I don't want to change. That's, when somebody doesn't want to change, they are not going to change. When she wants to change desperately, it's going to be hard for her to change. And how do you get somebody to that point where they see it, they know it, they understand it, don't want to change?

18:53 Adam Well, when you're 20, it's just not going anywhere.

18:55 Drew You know how they get there? Something horrible happens. They either become disgusted, they become ashamed, or they believe they're going to just destroy themselves or someone else with their behavior. That's when they change.

19:05 Adam Well, the thing about being 20, and it's unfortunately doesn't end at 20, it rolls into 21, 22, 23, and it keeps going.

19:14 Drew Yeah. That guy is one of the guys, too.

19:17 Adam Well, that guy is one of the guys. But he doesn't, he's probably doesn't have a huge interest in changing.

19:23 Drew Right.

19:24 Adam There's a thing where you're 20, 21, 22, you want to change. You don't have the tools.

19:30 Drew You can't do it. You see that you should.

19:32 Adam You see that you don't really want to. Well, you have to sort of define what want is. But the point is, is if you are sort of damaged enough, there's not really going to be change. There's going to be transition periods and that could be five years. There's no doubt in my mind that Sadie by 25 will be fine. Will she get shot by a pissed-off Italian, you know, jilted wife at 21?

19:57 Drew Maybe.

19:58 Adam Maybe. That's the tough part.

20:00 Drew If she survives, maybe she'll want to change.

20:01 Adam Amy?

20:03 Drew Yes.

20:03 Adam You're 25?

20:05 Hi, guys. It's really good to talk to you.

20:08 Adam Talk to you. What's up?

20:09 I have a question. I'm 25. I'm thinking about getting bariatric surgery.

20:16 Adam What's it called?

20:17 Drew Bariatric. Bariatric?

20:19 My question is really for Dr. Drew.

20:20 Adam Hold on a second. What's that bariatric?

20:22 Drew They wrap the stomach, cut the stomach, wrap this off because it's done through a laparoscope these days pretty much.

20:27 Adam Really?

20:27 Drew Yeah.

20:28 Adam What is it called? Bariatric.

20:29 Drew Very common surgery.

20:30 Adam What's the berry?

20:32 Drew Bariatric. I'm not sure if I'll ever look up.

20:34 Adam All right. Amy? Oops.

20:36 Drew Uh-oh.

20:36 Adam What'd I do? Hang up on her? Six. Amy?

20:39 Yeah.

20:40 Drew All right.

20:40 Adam So you're 225?

20:42 Yeah. 5'6, 225 and I'm a compulsive eater. I'm addicted to food and I'm afraid that if I get the surgery, I really want the surgery because I want to be thin, but I'm afraid-

20:51 Drew You're fat.

20:52 Adam Drew, please.

20:53 Drew You're afraid what?

20:54 I knew you'd do that. I'm afraid that I can possibly stretch the stomach out later. I don't know. I just don't know if I should do it.

21:02 Drew Well, or you might fall into a miserable depression because whatever you're trying to protect yourself from with the heavy, with the big body area. So you had some sexual abuse or something?

21:14 Yeah.

21:15 Adam Nope.

21:18 Drew You remind me of a patient who told me that she, her dad used to make her, he used to sexually abuse her and then at the end he'd go get her milk and cookies and say, you know, it's because I love you that I do this. And that made her a compulsive overeater. Did you have anything like that?

21:34 Not exactly. I think it just comes from, I come from a family of alcoholics and I'm not an alcoholic. I just use food alcoholically. So.

21:42 Drew And you were sexually abused, right?

21:43 Yeah.

21:44 Drew And so that having the big body keeps people away, right?

21:47 Oh, exactly.

21:48 Drew And then when you don't have that anymore, people are going to start coming after you.

21:51 Adam Not the brothers, by the way, but.

21:53 Drew You may not be ready for that.

21:56 Adam Yeah. Amy, who sexually abused you?

21:58 My brother.

22:01 Adam I just said brother. And what's he doing now? He's got a wife and kids.

22:05 He is an adult schizophrenic and he lives in Texas.

22:11 Drew In a home?

22:13 No, actually with family.

22:16 Adam All right. Now, if he's schizophrenic, can you forgive him to some degree?

22:20 I'm trying to do that in therapy. I haven't figured it out quite yet.

22:23 Drew Does your therapist think you ought to get the surgery?

22:27 She actually said no, because she's I really wanted it. She told me that, you know, unless I really resolve the issue. Yeah, I'm concerned.

22:36 Drew Right. I agree with her. And now, let me having said that, when it is time, it's an excellent surgery. You will lose the weight. It's one of the predictable ways to keep the weight off. Even though we know that this sort of drive to eat was set by a trauma. The fact is, just like Adam's preoccupation with boobs was set by something. We can't change that.

22:54 Adam And so God, what are you talking about?

22:57 Drew So, I'm just comparing the drive. That's all.

22:59 Adam I was like saying, show Namus' arm, just like his arm was set by something, or it's touched by God.

23:06 Drew Or your capacity to breathe.

23:08 Adam Yeah, no, I'm just saying it's a gift, what I have with boobs.

23:12 Drew However you define it. And that getting the surgery will come the weight off, but you could have a real serious emotional reaction to the weight coming off if you're a therapist and they get ready for it. And to do it in its proper time.

23:23 Adam Alright, so, yeah, I've had friends have done this. They seem to be real effective. But if you're gonna compulsively eat, yeah, that's something you gotta maintain.

23:33 Drew Your goal will be to keep the weight back on because you won't want to have the small body and you'll eat high calorie things, you'll have complications from that.

23:40 Adam Right, all right, all right. All right.

23:47 Drew Mary Elizabeth.

23:48 Adam Mary Elizabeth. Mary Elizabeth.

23:51 Caller Oh, hey. Hey. I'm getting 30 to you guys.

23:55 Adam Thanks, baby doll.

23:56 Drew Wow, Danical Smith.

23:58 Adam 22, what's up?

23:59 Caller Yeah, okay. First of all, before I give you a question, I would just like to say that I love you on The Family Guy Celebrity Poker Celebrity Blackjack. You rock.

24:13 Adam Thank you. I'm not sure if I did that celebrity. Oh, wait.

24:16 Caller Yeah, you did.

24:17 Adam Yeah, yeah.

24:18 Caller Okay, Dr. Drew, even though the movie sucked, I still like you in the New York Minute.

24:26 Drew Have you watched it yet, Adam? You haven't? You've not seen it, you promised me you'd watch.

24:32 Adam I watched it at the beginning.

24:34 Drew I can't believe it.

24:35 Adam And you came down into the kitchen. And you were all like, who's going to school? And they were like, we're going to school. And then Ashley's all like, I'm going into the city on a train. And then and then Mary Kay was like, I'm going to. But then they got off at the same time. And one of them. And this is a shocking thing. And I'd seen. Now, let me say this, Michelle. I don't know if you knew this, but is it on DVD? Yes, of course. Of course it's on DVD. I have it in my home. OK.

25:10 Drew Is it on DVD?

25:12 Adam Of course it's on DVD. Came out on DVD.

25:15 Drew It was a theatrical release. Three thousand screen.

25:17 Adam Right on the DVD. Here's my point. My point is, is this is something I've never seen in a twins movie before. And I didn't get it when I was looking at all the advertisements and the trailers and everything. They're twins. One of them, studious, bookworm type.

25:35 Drew One of them. The other?

25:36 Adam Rock and roll, rebel child.

25:39 Drew Bad. One good, one bad.

25:40 Adam Well, yeah. The bad, here's the thing about bad. Cause I've seen enough of these twin movies. I know what bad is from doing this show. You're, you're blowing every guy in the block. You're cutting on yourself. You're huffing, copy your toner. It's not that bad. It's sort of rock and roll bad, but it's never acted.

25:56 Drew It's implied.

25:57 Adam It's implied. Yeah, it's sort of, it's sort of.

26:00 Drew Would have given me a corner as the dad.

26:02 Adam Right. Right.

26:03 Drew I couldn't have, couldn't have gone through the film.

26:05 Adam I just thought the twist of having the two twins, you know, one being kind of buttoned down and up tight and the other being footloose and fancy free is something I've never seen before in a, in a film or TV or soap opera.

26:20 Drew I'm glad you got it, though. Yeah, you never just watched the first 20 minutes of the film. You know what? 20 minutes, 12 minutes, 12 minutes.

26:26 Adam No, no, I had to say they got thrown, they got thrown off the train.

26:30 Drew Yeah, I know your buddy, Darryl.

26:32 Adam Darryl Hammond was, yeah, what was he doing?

26:35 Drew And then coffee spilled on him or something.

26:36 Adam Yeah.

26:37 Drew You're obviously sitting and paying attention to him.

26:39 Adam I was drinking, I was having a little wine. It was enjoyable.

26:44 Caller Are you in it throughout the whole movie?

26:46 Adam He comes back.

26:46 Drew Come back in.

26:47 Adam Well, don't ruin it for me. Mary Elizabeth?

26:50 Caller Yeah. Oh, and another thing. The station I listened to you guys on for years since I was a little Mary Elizabeth, it changed the venues. It's not Rock and Roll anymore.

27:04 Drew It's Ranchero.

27:04 Caller It's very ironic. It's Spanish music.

27:09 Adam Wow. Yeah. It's an awesome song. What it really kicks into.

27:14 Caller This is it.

27:15 Adam This is what they listen to. I'll do a reenactment of me walking into my garage. There's no worse music. Well, there's no worse music. I think we'll just put a period there and then we'll give it a beat. But you think this stuff is bad coming out of a truck window when you're pulled up at a stoplight at four in the afternoon. Try waking up to this stuff in your garage. 845.

27:40 Drew Because you have workers down there.

27:42 Adam I got Ozzy and company in my garage. They're doing a little stucco.

27:44 Drew They don't live down there, but they're coming in doing their work.

27:46 Adam They come in, they're doing their thing.

27:47 Drew And the hefe sleeps in.

27:49 Adam The hefe sleeps in, but the hefe puts his bunny slippers and bathrobe on and wanders down to the garage.

27:54 Drew To give them the instructions for the day.

27:56 Adam I got to tell them what they're doing wrong and what's going on. And I leave detailed messages the night before. Here's what I want you to do.

28:01 Drew And by the way, those of you who are the listeners of this show, this must be shocking to hear that Adam blames and yells at people.

28:07 Adam So here's a reenactment of this morning.

28:10 Drew This is what the great, this is you're walking down the stairs and this is what you hear.

28:13 Adam Yeah. You're going to turn up a little bit. Ozzy, Ozzy, you're doing the stucco finish. You're using a sponge trowel. It doesn't match the rest of the house. It has a metal.

28:26 Drew Shut the music.

28:28 Adam Shut the music.

28:29 Drew I said just shut it. Shut it.

28:32 Adam And then someone goes running for the thing. Well, this stuff's playing. It's the most bizarre. It makes everything surreal. Like imagine if you were being murdered to that. Some guy breaks in and stabbing you repeatedly.

28:44 Drew Well, this is playing in the background. Let's just run through a few life experiences. Delivering a baby.

28:47 Adam Yeah, just turn it up. Turn it up. What would-

28:50 Drew Delivering a baby.

28:51 Adam Yes.

28:51 Drew Having a baby. Having your first child.

28:53 Adam Your wife is telling you she wants a divorce after 20 years.

28:58 Drew You're caught in cheating?

29:00 Adam Yeah. You've been caught. You've been, your wife has walked in. You just got a call from the doctor. It's cancer.

29:06 Drew It's cancer.

29:09 Six months.

29:10 Drew Yeah. It's music to live by. You're saying it's music to live by, right?

29:13 Adam It makes everything bizarre and surreal. Now, all you can do to this music is drink and hope it goes away.

29:20 That's it.

29:24 Adam I don't know what.

29:24 Okay.

29:25 Adam Who listens to this? Okay. My gardener. All right. We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll get back with Mary Elizabeth and the slurring Mary Elizabeth after this.

29:39 Caller Loveline.

29:40 Okay.

29:40 Drew Wait. Wait.

29:42 My hair.

29:42 Caller My hair.

29:43 We'll be right back.

29:55 Adam Yeah, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-er. All right. When we left off, we're shooting to Mary Elizabeth. She's 22. She's got a buzz on. Mary?

30:11 Caller Hey again.

30:12 Drew Hey.

30:13 Adam Okay.

30:15 Caller I have a couple of beef with you too, by the way. Let's hear them.

30:18 Drew Let's hear them.

30:20 Caller There we go. Okay. First, Adam, with the Community College, it is as inexpensive out there for those universities. It's like $3,000 a class. Not to mention, there are ideas that go there, but there's also people who have no place to go as far as college.

30:37 Drew I agree. I'm with you, Mary Elizabeth. I got your back.

30:40 Adam They have nowhere to go, so they should go to work. What a shock that Mary Elizabeth would be- The product of the fantastically successful junior college program this week.

30:52 Caller I got nowhere else to go. Come on. I have a flight learning disability. I didn't get that great grade of grades in school because of that.

31:01 Adam That's what I'm saying. Let's get a job now. Here we go.

31:05 Caller I want to own my own business, and you can't do that. Just walk off the street and open your own business.

31:11 Adam I was telling a guy today that I never did pick up my high school diploma because I owed the book room in 1995 for We the People, and it was excellent. It was like, hey, we're not going to give you this diploma unless you give us the money back for that history book you lost. I was like, how much is it? I remember seriously, it was 1995. It sounded like an extraordinary amount of money to me. I didn't have it. I knew my family wasn't forking it over, and I gave it some thought. I was like, I don't need that diploma. And I left, and I think their idea must have been, I think it backfired on them. I think they thought I was going to pick it up, but the point is, I was telling the guy today, I never showed a diploma, filled out anything, or did anything my whole life. You can have your own business. You don't need a college degree.

31:55 Drew I think you make the point clearer to Mary Elizabeth. Your point is valid, which is that if you believe the program is such a waste of time, it certainly offers you nothing in the eyes of people who are going to hire you, that's for sure.

32:08 Adam Junior college?

32:09 Drew You might as well just go to work.

32:10 Adam Yeah. And here's the thing.

32:12 Drew And distinguish yourself.

32:13 Adam We were just talking about The Apprentice earlier tonight. You got Net Worth versus the college students. The reason the one team calls themselves Net Worth, the ones that didn't go to college, is because they make more money than the ones that went to college. So you don't need a college degree, especially from a junior college, to start a business. What's that?

32:33 Caller I sure does help.

32:35 Adam No.

32:35 Caller I see ropes and everything like that. All right.

32:38 Adam If you're starting your own business, you need to do whatever it is your business is doing.

32:41 Caller I'm going to work my way up. I want to become literally a millionaire just like you.

32:46 Adam All right, baby.

32:47 Caller Okay. And Dr. Drew, what's that whole Depakote thing you're always talking about? You're always promoting Depakote. You know how I have epilepsy? I was on Depakote when I was younger and I gained a tremendous amount of weight and it didn't even work that great. So I don't see you. What's so great about Depakote?

33:08 Adam Yeah, true.

33:09 Drew Yeah, I mentioned Depakote every call, wouldn't you say, Adam? At least every call.

33:14 Adam Once a call. I'd say Baker's dozen. I've heard calls, by the way, with a person, Mary Elizabeth, has just called in and said, like, yeah, my school teacher is, I think, unduly harsh and Drew just yelled, Depakote, Depakote, Depakote, Depakote, Depakote, Depakote, Depakote. He just kept yelling, Depakote, as fast as he possibly could. And then he forced me to hang up on him. I'm actually in the next call.

33:38 Drew Yeah, I'm not actually a Depakote fan. I'm a fan of-

33:41 Caller You mention it so much.

33:43 Adam Yeah, you say it all the time.

33:45 Drew Every call.

33:45 Adam You never stop saying, Depakote.

33:47 Caller I am very calm.

33:48 Adam And by the way, let me just ask this, and just in general, I'm dumbfounded about this, because especially when reviews come out calling me like a brain sports aficionado and stuff like that, like how much of people's accusations when you say, you're always talking about, or you're this guy, some of them aren't even, they're not even familiar.

34:11 Drew Right.

34:11 Adam Like I don't even know what you're talking about.

34:13 Drew Right. They heard it. They heard you. They watched you once do something or say something. Therefore that must be what you always do and say.

34:19 Adam Yes. Drew, you know, I don't always defend him, but when he's right, he's right. He doesn't talk about Depakote very much at all.

34:29 Drew I, in fact, prefer Trileptal as a mood stabilizer.

34:32 Adam Well, I'm sure you change your story now.

34:34 Caller I guess, but it's just every time I hear the word Depakote, I get so furious and I hate when you recommend it.

34:40 Drew You must have heard me recommend it once for somebody. Yes, it can cause weight gain. There's no doubt about it. And I wouldn't choose it specifically, certainly not as a first line anti-epileptic medication. It's a mood stabilizer.

34:53 Adam All right, so Mary Elizabeth, do you have a...

34:56 Caller I'm here in Florida, yeah.

34:58 Adam Yeah, you do?

34:58 Caller Yes, I do.

34:59 Adam Let's hear it, let's hear it.

35:01 Caller Okay, police discovered the source of a computer worm, which in recent days shut down many banks, the Coast Guard, and many of computers worldwide, and the home-made computer of an 18-year-old kid.

35:14 Okay, hold on, hold on, Coast Guard?

35:18 Adam That's it?

35:18 Coast Guard?

35:19 Adam Oh, Coast Guard.

35:20 Caller Yeah, computers worldwide, you know, banks.

35:23 Adam Banks, banks.

35:24 Caller Coast Guard. Coast Guard computers worldwide, you know?

35:27 Adam Yeah.

35:28 Caller Coast Guard.

35:28 Adam Germany, what do they got there? I'm trying to, are they landlocked? I don't know, but- No, they got, they got-

35:34 Drew They got access this year.

35:35 Adam They got access.

35:36 Drew I don't think they call it a Coast Guard, no.

35:37 Adam Well, yeah.

35:39 I think Merrick calls it a Coast Guard.

35:41 Adam But here's the thing, Drew.

35:42 Drew You could be trying to throw something at us.

35:43 Adam No, no, no. I think when we, well, we talked about this before, they call it the Schnitzelbleisen. And they don't they don't write it in the newspaper, Schnitzelbleisen, because we don't know what that is. They would just give they called the Coast Guard, I think the German version of it. But I'm still going to go with Florida.

36:01 Drew But she's not even touched. She hasn't. This doesn't require us. She's just describing a worldwide event.

36:06 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah.

36:07 Drew It doesn't have a Germany or Florida to have a locale.

36:11 No.

36:12 Adam Oh, you see this this. Oh, I see. This could have happened in anywhere.

36:16 Drew It is what you described, described as happening everywhere.

36:19 Adam Oh, I see. Yeah, I wasn't listening. Mary.

36:23 Yeah, yeah.

36:24 Adam You need to pick a story that's out of either Germany or Florida.

36:29 Caller I did. I have others if you want.

36:32 Adam All right. Well, I'm going with Florida on this one. Anyway, go ahead.

36:35 Drew Give us one another one.

36:36 Adam Well, what is it, Germany or Florida? Or is it?

36:40 Caller It's Germany.

36:42 Adam All right. The story is out of Germany.

36:45 Caller Yes, I got it off the Internet.

36:48 Drew Yeah, but it's not about Germany.

36:50 Caller I know, but it's out of Germany, though.

36:53 Adam OK, I see. I see. It's about how to Germany describing a world of stories from Germany. But it's like you could you could pick up a German newspaper and it would discuss the tsunami.

37:03 Drew Or you could discuss what President Bush is doing.

37:05 Adam Right.

37:06 Drew Is he doing it in Germany or Florida?

37:07 Adam Yeah, he's got to be in Germany or Florida. Mary Elizabeth, what kind of business are you looking to start?

37:13 She's been calling for days and I urged Brian to put her on because I thought she was funny.

37:17 Adam Thank you. I like her, too. What business are you looking to start, sweetie pie?

37:22 Caller Well, first I want to start out in real estate, you know, be a real estate broker. Then open my own real estate agency. And then, I don't know from there, do something creative like fashion or something like that.

37:34 Adam Fashion, fashion. And what now, have you had a couple of drinks tonight or you just have something going on?

37:42 Caller What are you talking about?

37:44 Adam Well, I mean, you sound like maybe you've had a beer.

37:47 Caller I don't drink.

37:49 Adam Oh, you don't drink?

37:50 Caller I can't stand that crap.

37:52 Adam You can't? All right. Do you have any?

37:54 Caller It's horrible, like poison or something.

37:57 Drew She says she has seizure disorder.

37:58 Adam Do you have some issues? Do you have some disorders?

38:02 Caller What are you talking about?

38:04 Drew Are you on seizure medicine still?

38:05 Caller Yes, two of them.

38:07 Drew Are you on phenobarbital?

38:08 Caller No.

38:09 Drew What do you want?

38:10 Caller PrimaDone and Lomectal.

38:12 Drew Okay. PrimaDone is phenobarbital. It gets converted to phenobarbital by your body. And this speech problem we're having, is that what that is?

38:20 Adam Is that what the speech problem is? No, no. First off, it's endearing, number one. And number two, it's just a mannerism. It doesn't call it a problem. It sounds kind of high.

38:34 Drew But I can hear the medication effect on your speech. Let's put it that way.

38:37 Caller Are you kidding me? I have no idea.

38:39 Adam Yeah. Well, why did he tell you what you're on?

38:42 Caller What?

38:43 Adam Okay. All right, listen, we're gonna keep on keeping on, Mary.

38:49 Drew It's been real.

38:50 Adam Yeah. Thanks, sweetie pie. If you're not out of the JC by the time you hit 30, I'm gonna ask you to leave, though. Right?

38:59 Drew Well, but now, wait a minute. Hang on a second. That is a double standard because you're gonna let Chris continue working.

39:04 Adam Well, Chris is 29, isn't he?

39:06 Drew Yeah, but he's gonna hit 30.

39:08 Adam He's taking his one math class.

39:10 Drew He's gonna hit 30. You know what I'm saying?

39:12 Adam Yeah.

39:12 Drew He's not gonna be out of junior college.

39:13 Adam Oh, you don't think so?

39:14 Drew How dare you?

39:17 Adam He's got a plan, that kid. Diabolical plan.

39:21 Drew It's working for him.

39:22 Adam Yeah. It's got to be, it's got to just blow colossal ass for him to sit next to me all night and have me complain about junior college when he's soon to be the world's oldest junior college student.

39:35 Drew I'm used to it. Whatever.

39:36 Adam Yeah. I'm telling you, I'll tell you who he needs here. He doesn't need this Corolla. He needs my mom.

39:42 Drew Yeah, she'd be all over.

39:43 Adam Mom who they're going to bury in the quad at LA Junior College. I mean, and there will be a monument erected to her because she started there when she was like 39 and she's still going to choir practice and stuff. I don't know if she's still actually a student there.

40:02 Drew She must be. Of course she is.

40:04 Adam Yeah. That Chicano Studies major though, boy, I'll tell you that. Talk about paying dividends.

40:09 Drew Oh, yeah. Sure.

40:09 Adam Oh, my God. Talk about a gold mine of money just rolling in.

40:15 Drew And improve the quality of life.

40:16 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Oh, no.

40:18 Drew Relations with other people.

40:19 Adam When you look like a chunky Tom Petty and you're a chick, you need that Chicano Studies major.

40:27 Drew What happened to you today? You're especially on edge.

40:31 Adam Oh, really?

40:31 Drew Yeah. What happened?

40:32 Adam I don't know.

40:33 Caller Spoil the entire practice.

40:35 Drew I got to hit it.

40:35 Caller I'm just tired.

40:36 Drew What happened?

40:37 Adam I'm just tired.

40:37 Drew Sick of people? I had an ass full of people today.

40:40 Adam End of the week. You know, end of the week.

40:42 Drew You had an ass full of people.

40:43 Adam You got to get up in the morning.

40:43 Drew Something happened that filled your ass.

40:45 Adam No. I said, I feel great. What are you talking about? My mom went to junior college for 70 years. That's all.

40:53 Drew What do you call it? Hippie John Petty? What are the Tom Petty?

40:55 Adam Chunky Tom Petty. Chunky Tom Petty with a vagina.

40:58 Drew Yeah.

40:59 Adam Yeah. If Tom Petty went to junior college for 50 years. Yeah, she kind of studies everyone.

41:04 Mom, I'm so mad at you.

41:07 Adam I am so mad at you, mom.

41:11 Drew All right.

41:11 Adam Let's take a little break. We'll be right back after this.

41:51 Fabulous.

41:53 Drew Well done. Okay, here we go.

41:56 I've been dating this guy for about five years. High school sweetheart. We're still together and... Get It On.

42:07 Drew First order of business is get out of this relationship.

42:10 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

42:10 Drew Right? You're done. Come on, you're done.

42:13 Adam You're 20 or 15 when you got started.

42:15 Drew You're cheating and you're not into it. You don't even know how to get out of it. You don't even know that you're not into it. You get so bonded in these relationships that go like that. And they're not normal. They're meant to end. People don't get married after that kind of thing. It is time. It is time. And your behavior is telling us that loud and clear.

42:33 Well, I've been trying to drive them away because they're...

42:36 Drew That's right. That's what I'm saying.

42:38 Adam Well, now wait a minute. This is news. Yes?

42:41 Drew Yeah. But driving away because you know she's capable of a close relationship. She's had it for five years now and she doesn't know how to say goodbye.

42:48 Adam No, I'm just screwing around. You're telling us what we're telling you.

42:51 Drew Right.

42:52 Adam You're done.

42:53 Drew All right. So you caught something as a result of that one night stand?

42:56 Yeah, I did.

42:57 Drew What did you got?

42:58 I got chlamydia and I'm just wondering if it could have been transferred to him within about the past two weeks.

43:06 Drew Were you treated for it?

43:06 If I contracted it like two weeks ago and I started treatment today actually.

43:10 Drew Oh, he definitely has it. I went to the doctor yesterday and I had a passenger and I found out I had it. If you've had sex in that two week period, yes, of course you have it.

43:16 Adam Why does he definitely have it? There's some diseases you don't get.

43:20 Drew Yeah, chlamydia is highly contagious.

43:21 Adam Highly contagious. That's for the same reason she got it from one outing.

43:25 Drew Right. You're going to get it. Pretty much. Yeah.

43:29 Adam One's going to get it.

43:30 Drew Pretty much. One is going to get it.

43:31 I was curious. Pretty much.

43:33 Drew All right.

43:33 Adam Now what kind of lie can she tell?

43:36 No, he knows already. He's got a doctor appointment set up on Tuesday.

43:39 Drew And he's still staying with you in spite of that?

43:42 Yeah, he won't leave. I'm surprised.

43:45 Drew Oh, man.

43:46 Oh, Daniel. And they told him to leave me and he just he won't. I don't know.

43:51 Drew He looks like you're going to have to drop the ax yourself.

43:54 I love him, though.

43:55 It's hard. Yeah.

43:57 Drew This is the way you treat somebody you love. It is. It's the way you treat them. I know it's hard. And that's why having sex at 16 is not a good idea. You get these relationships that are not healthy. Well, they probably wait a little while. You start having sex at 15?

44:11 Huh?

44:12 Drew Did you have sex at 15?

44:13 Uh, yeah.

44:14 Adam Yeah.

44:15 I just turned 16, actually, like a week after my birth.

44:17 Drew Ah, see?

44:20 Adam How old was he?

44:21 He was, he's a week younger than me.

44:23 Adam Oh! So he was 15?

44:26 Yeah.

44:27 Adam Yeah!

44:28 Drew We're both right.

44:29 Adam We're both right. All right. So, yeah, you gotta break it off.

44:33 Drew It's really sad. But unfortunately, it's gonna be one of these things where you're gonna have to give him cold turkey for six months.

44:39 Adam Does this guy, does he think you're gonna get married or what?

44:42 Yeah. He wants to move out with me and he said he's gonna propose on the day we move out and get our own place.

44:48 Drew Oh, boy.

44:49 Adam And you're done.

44:51 Yeah.

44:51 Adam I mean, you had sex with a guy you met where?

44:54 Drew This isn't the first time she's done this either.

44:56 Well, actually, I met him in high school but I saw him again at this party and...

45:00 Adam Where was your boyfriend?

45:02 I was horny.

45:03 Adam Where was your boyfriend?

45:04 He doesn't like my friends at all. He has his own group of friends. We went to different high schools but we were together pretty much all the way through high school.

45:13 Adam That's a weird one that when there's always a chick who's got the girl from, he's got the dude from the other school. It's always like, what the hell? And then it's like, what? Are you even allowed to do this? You're allowed to come over here and cherry pick?

45:25 Drew No, it's some sort of Geneva Convention violation.

45:27 Adam Yeah, and I got some hot chick floating around for four years who is hooked up with some guy, goes to Grant and I'm at North Hollywood and then here's how we can settle this. You gotta send over a chick. That's how it works. It's like an Indian exchange. Yeah, I'm gonna need something.

45:44 Drew Primitive man, some sort of.

45:45 Adam Yeah, cause now I got this hot chick just floating around and the guy's always this super cool guy with the comb hanging out of the back pocket and pulls up in the Camaro.

45:54 Drew Not this guy.

45:54 Adam No, not this guy.

45:55 Drew Clingy.

45:56 Adam Clingy. All right. She's. Yeah.

45:58 Drew Mr. Clay.

45:59 Adam Look, if you love him, don't kill him with a pair of needle nose pliers once you put a bullet in his head.

46:07 Drew Yeah.

46:07 Adam And put him down and do the humane thing.

46:09 Drew Yes. Okay.

46:11 Okay.

46:12 Adam Do you have any idea what that analogy means?

46:14 No.

46:15 Drew That you're killing him slowly and painfully as opposed to cutting this off and let him get over it.

46:20 Adam You're going to junior college?

46:21 I'm going to PCC.

46:24 Adam Junior college? Shocking.

46:26 Drew Wait, wait, wait. Where are you calling from?

46:28 I am calling from Hope for Oregon.

46:31 Drew PCC?

46:32 Yeah.

46:33 Adam Junior college. Junior. Junior college. All right. You got to take that analogies class.

46:40 Analogies?

46:41 Adam All right. Listen, look, Drew, everyone always complains to me, but aren't junior college people, don't they sound twice as dumb as everyone else who calls the show?

46:50 Drew Michelle's shaking her head feverishly, yes.

46:52 Adam Of course. I can hear what they sound like. It's like the ones who say, I'm not a drug addict. Oh, maybe a little. It's like the proof is you heard that they were on drugs.

47:01 Drew Right.

47:02 Adam Or that they were abused or whatever it is. It's hard to argue with that.

47:05 Drew With us knowing it. Yes.

47:06 Adam Thank you. All right. Dump the guy. Just dump it, please. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

47:12 All right, guys, here's the deal.

47:14 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:17 Drew One call is all you need to make.

47:19 Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE.

47:38 Adam Hey, everybody. Whoa, Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-er. Danielle. Oh, yeah. She needs, oh, boy.

47:52 Drew Danielle, we're just done. And we're done.

47:54 Adam Yeah, yeah. The guy wants to, was gonna propose after the move out.

47:58 Drew I know, it's so sad, it's so sad. Hell, but you've been that guy, I've been that guy. That is the most, you know, that is sort of the, that is the, but isn't that the onus of being a male?

48:13 Caller That is the, Larry Flint.

48:23 Drew This is his last gasp. It's just, it's going out of him. He goes, the soul, there it goes. Yeah, this is what it feels like. That's what it feels like to be a 19 year old male in, in, in infatuation love.

48:40 It's almost as bad as you go on a blind date and before the date hasn't even started, the guy's already asking for a second place.

48:47 Drew You're a lesbian. No, no, no. Again, it is, you've been involved for years with this person you can't live without. You built this huge fantasy. Oh yeah. And you sit on the steps outside the store and you cry. Wait a minute. Oh no, that was Adam, not me.

49:04 Adam Oh no, here's the thing. As a guy, when you're 19 or 20, you got nothing.

49:11 Drew You just, you don't have anything. You are nothing.

49:14 Adam You are nothing. Now, if you're lucky, if you're lucky, you have some semblance of family. Maybe your dad used to drive a Acura and he left, he gave it to you. I mean, if you're lucky, you have a set of wheels. It's always something your dad lent you or let you have or something. And maybe you go to a decent college, even that ain't much. That's just sort of the framework of some kind of life. Ten years from then, you'll be established. Ten years from then, you'll have some change in your pocket. You'll have a nice ride. You'll have your own place. And then you can start bargaining. Now you got something. When you have zero at 19 or 20 as a guy, especially when driving a beat up pickup truck where the cranks are busted off the windows and you're living in a one bedroom apartment with three guys, you have nothing, you have nothing. And when you're a chick and you're 20, if you're good looking, you got something.

50:09 Drew You don't have to great luck to me either, by the way.

50:11 Adam No, just, you know, nice looking. Like I'm trying to think, you know, what is almost the equivalent to, like if you show me, there's what I'm saying. If you take a chick who's 20 years old, 21, 22, 19, whatever, and she's an, you know, attractive woman, let's just, which is a large number. Let's give her an eight, maybe an eight and a half on whatever scale. She doesn't have to be smoking hot, but let's say a nice looking woman. That is sort of the equivalent of the male who's 27, has a condo and like a BMW.

50:46 Drew No, you're being too kind. That's equivalent of a male who's a television star at 30. And has a house.

50:54 Adam Well, we got to start getting into hot. No, no, I'm just talking attractive. I'm talking attractive. As a male to match that, you're going to have to have your own place. You're going to have to have a decent ride and a decent gig.

51:05 Drew At eight and a half, match the eight and a half.

51:08 Adam Yeah, just to match the attractive 20-year-old, check. Now, as a 20-year-old guy with apartment, a bunch of roommates and a futon as somebody barfed on both sides of and the edges, by the way.

51:22 Drew And J.O.d. inside.

51:23 Adam Yeah. Inside.

51:25 Drew Inside.

51:25 Adam It's filled with semen. It's a gouton. Spouton. How about that for the world's worst mattress. Yeah, everybody, late night TV. I'm Adam Corolla. I'll tell you, when the spouton people called me, I was skeptical at first. Then they said try for 45 days. I'll tell you, I used to have lower back problems. I used to wake up. In the middle of the night, tossing and turning. My wife turns her side of the spouton with the patented coil technique. She turns out to 45. I sleep on the 30 setting because of my back.

52:03 Drew Now, as I recall, it was filled with styrofoam, little styrofoam balls that all were stuck into some giant knot.

52:08 Adam The spouton will go, it does split and will go up to 45 degree angles. My wife likes to watch TV while I sleep at night. Yes, call for your free try out of the spouton. No financial obligation yourself. It just sounds like you have to pick a place where it was from. Is it like some Netherlands, some of the Netherlands or something? Oslo. Oslo. All the way from Oslo, from the laboratories of Oslo comes the spouton. The world's most advanced sleeping device. From Helsinki comes the spouton. You've never slept like this before. Yeah.

52:49 Drew Oh, yeah.

52:50 Adam Yeah, that is a horrible name for a mattress.

52:52 Drew But how do we... We were talking about the 8 1 2. Now, how about the 10? How are you going to match up with that?

52:56 Adam Here's all I'm saying. As a guy, you know, this guy, when they move out, he's probably going to junior college too.

53:04 Drew He's just clinging to her like she's a piece of wood in the... He's adrift in the ocean.

53:09 Adam You have no juice. Now, here's the deal. You can, as a guy, if you're in high school, high school is sort of... It's really like... It's a big island that everyone's on. I know these guys went to different ones. But you have an equal shot with everybody. Sure, there's still the head cheerleader and the captain of the football team. But basically, you're all on the same footing. Not, you know, as a guy and a girl, no one has a job, no one's rich or poor, per se. You're all on the same footing. You can do what you want. When you get out and you're a guy and you're 20 and you got zip and you got no money in your pocket and you got, you know, $8 an hour crappy job. And then it's like the humiliation. It's sort of like, where do you work? I'm over at the, right now I'm at the Arby's.

53:55 Drew Right now, that's where you can pick up the right now.

53:56 Adam Right now I'm over at the Arby's. And what are you driving? Right now I got a, I got a 79 Mazda standard bed pickup truck with bench seats out of it. Got a couple of dinette seats in there and vice grips cranking up the windows.

54:12 Drew Dinette seats, driving a car with dinette seats. Why'd you drive it standing up?

54:16 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah.

54:18 I've actually seen that.

54:19 Adam Yeah, it's a class look. So as a guy, no juice, no juice at all. And there's really nothing you can do. That's it, as a guy you can be exceptionally good looking at that age, you know, or you just sort of take it.

54:32 Drew There is a half a percent of guys who are just okay. By the way, and one of the ways to be okay is the way engineer Chris played it. Just never venture out.

54:41 Adam Oh, engineer Chris.

54:42 Drew And you're kind of okay.

54:43 Adam Oh, you just live at home.

54:43 Drew You can make it through all that and be kind of okay. If you love your family, you're stable, you're okay.

54:48 Adam Yeah, he also could have achieved the same effect if he just froze himself with liquid nitrogen.

54:54 Drew And there's another half percent of guys that just have the goods. They're just okay. And those guys end up in trouble.

55:01 Adam Yeah. But if you're room with them, you can watch them get light on the weekend.

55:06 Drew So I'm curious for you, then, where does a 10 match up with a guy? A 21 year old 10 and a guy language.

55:15 Adam Here's the whole thing. When there's a chick who's 20 and a guy is 20 and the chick's smoking hot, she will be snatched up by somebody. Somebody at work, some guy at the office, that guy, the 31 year old guy who just made partner at the law firm, whatever. You're not going to be able to let her out into public because she will be gobbled up by the successful guy that you're not at age 20 because it's almost impossible for you to do that. And I don't know if that was your question or not.

55:41 Drew My question was what's the equivalent in the mail of the 22 year old hot?

55:45 Adam Oh, if you, yeah, hot, oh, that is just, you know. In a band.

55:51 Drew In a band.

55:51 Adam Yeah, in a band. You too. Yeah, you're Bono. All right, where are we? Who is I talking to? What's going on?

55:57 Drew Nobody yet. We're gonna talk to Lucy.

55:59 Adam Okay. What about VJ over here?

56:01 Drew Sure.

56:01 Adam Then we'll talk to VJ. VJ?

56:04 Adam?

56:05 Adam You're 22?

56:07 Caller Hey, it's a pleasure to speak to you.

56:08 Adam What's up?

56:10 Caller First of all, I glued you on the PSA, so I did some research and I found out how many people were actually injured.

56:15 Adam Yeah, all right, hold on. He's talking about the public service announcement that we hear nightly on this show because we hear the national feed where they talk about the airplane turbulence and wearing your seatbelt, which I find to be a colossal waste of time and money. That's our money, you know? I mean, commercial time is not cheap. I've heard that commercial 3,000 times since I've been here.

56:41 Drew So, and the commercial is ridiculous. It says your body is made for some things and they proceed to list things that people are routinely killed doing. But you're not made for airplane turbulence.

56:51 Adam They list things that are more dangerous than airplane turbulence, which is a-

56:55 Drew Vastly, vastly more dangerous, right?

56:57 Adam Which is, well, yeah, they list football and rollerblading, for instance, which, you know, most the emergency room trips in this country come from people who are playing football or rollerblading. All right, but what do you got? What's the number?

57:13 Caller Okay, you're going to be pissed off when you hear this. This is from the actual FAA. So since 1980, 266 injuries and only three fatalities have occurred because of airplane turbulence.

57:24 Drew Yeah, and the three fatalities had nothing to do with the turbulence.

57:28 Adam Yeah, it's people who died while en route to Chicago.

57:32 Drew They had a heart attack and the turbulence was, you know, occurring at the same time.

57:37 Adam Yeah, it's like when there's an earthquake and a 92 year old guy dies in his bed, a chandelier didn't land on him. They call that an earthquake death.

57:46 Caller Right. Not only that, one of them was actually a pregnant woman. They counted their child who was not born correctly as a fatality.

57:54 Adam Wow.

57:55 Drew So that was...

57:56 Adam So two people died since 1980? Two people, that's it. I know. And here's the thing. I don't understand how society runs and I certainly don't understand how this country runs. I don't understand. We sit here every night. We have to listen to these public service announcements. Talk about things that don't seem to matter to anyone about anything.

58:18 Drew Not hear a peep about things that should matter.

58:20 Adam There are plenty of topics they could discuss. They never do. And some of them are just pretty straightforward. Like, hey, if you got a weirdo stepdad, why don't you put a little $3 barrel bolt on your door at night, sweet pea, and lock it so he doesn't wake up with him at the foot of your bed with his Johnson hanging out of his bathrobe and him working on the spoo-tot, you know?

58:46 Drew Yeah, I hear you.

58:47 Adam You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Why not just, hey, save your money, or don't run up your credit card? Whatever it is. How about this? Ninety percent of chicks I know have eight pounds of pressure in one tire and fifty-five in another, and the other one's got 128, and the other one's got two.

59:06 Drew Check your tires. That's a good one.

59:07 Adam How about check your tires?

59:08 Drew Yeah, that's a good one.

59:09 Adam You'll blow out, you'll die on the side of the road, or you'll kill someone else when the thing gets a blowout, or you're getting 30 percent worse gas mileage and the tires are wearing out that much faster. How about just check your tires? Yeah. That's an easy one. But no, we got to wax on about the airplane turbulence, something that doesn't affect anyone, and it's academic because you put your goddamn seatbelt on when you get in the goddamn plane, otherwise it beat the crap out of you. There's no there's no way to avoid it. I don't know how much it costs. I don't know who says we have to do this. I just wonder where the voice is in the society that when someone says, we need to do a public service announcement at an airport, airplane turbulence. What do you mean? Yeah, somebody wants you to keep your seatbelt on. Well, they have those placards. They line them up all over the plane. Well, yeah, but we want to reinforce it. Why do you got to reinforce it? There's an angry lesbian walking up and down the aisles yelling at you if you undo it. Well, we just think, no, it's a bad idea. And by the way, talk about, can you find a more inane topic to talk about? Hold on, you're fired. Now, anyone else have any great ideas? We need things that affect people. First off, you're just taking the population that flies. Already you're making a subcategory of people. You know what I mean? I mean, I don't know, people. I'm sure everyone listening to the show, I don't think there's anyone's ever been on an airplane. I don't think so, Drew.

1:00:37 Caller Airplane.

1:00:38 Adam That's what I'm saying.

1:00:39 Caller All right.

1:00:40 Adam Now, Anderson, just please let me hear that. Now, now I'm going berserk because people don't know what we're talking about. I just have to hear that commercial again.

1:00:48 Caller All right.

1:00:48 Adam He's looking it up. And he says a second, but I'm not sure what a second is. A second's passed. Should we take a... No, no.

1:00:56 Drew Should we take a call?

1:00:59 Adam All right. Let's hear it then.

1:01:02 What a tough thing your body is. It's built to withstand bending, pinching, ow, tattooing, swimming, bumping, tattooing, tickling, shaving, loud noises.

1:01:19 Drew Just stand, loud noises? Football, there was football.

1:01:25 Caller Cooking.

1:01:26 Drew No one ever got hurt from cooking.

1:01:28 Caller Rollerblading.

1:01:29 Adam Hold it right there. Hold it right there. You actually hear the car skidding.

1:01:33 Drew Yeah.

1:01:33 Adam Which would suggest that the person is flown out into the intersection. And it's going to be clipped by an automobile.

1:01:40 Drew Where your body's meant to withstand that, Adam. How dare you? As compared to airline turbulence.

1:01:48 Adam Your car's skidding. OK, all right.

1:01:51 Drew All right.

1:01:52 Adam That's fine. No one's ever been injured rollerblading.

1:01:54 Drew Never. Never as compared to airline turbulence. Well, not everyone compared to serious here.

1:01:58 Adam Like I said, everyone, just close your eyes and picture all the people you know who've been affected, the families by airplane turbulence in past. My father went that way. My grandmother is was rendered a quadriplegic because airplane turbulence. Think of all the greats.

1:02:15 Drew Starting with the Wright brothers.

1:02:16 Adam We think about think of all the athletes. Think about all the great actors. Think about all the who's who that is gone. I mean, it's literally be a phone book. Ten feet thick. If you if you could put all the people that were killed in maimed and airplane turbulence. But keep going Anderson.

1:02:31 Caller Polar blading, marathons, even company meetings. But there's so funny the human body is built to withstand unexpected turbulence. Happily though planes are built to withstand that really well. All you have to do is wear your safety belt the entire flight. So next time you fly.

1:02:54 Adam All right. Let me let me say this. Let me say this. Let me say stop this for a second. I know the airplanes are made to take it very well, except for there's been hundreds of times, hundreds of percentage points higher if people died because of air. The whole airplane went down because of turbulence instead of them being bounced around. Although maybe they count that as a turbulence death.

1:03:14 Drew Oh, like, well, that doesn't matter. The seatbelt doesn't matter.

1:03:16 Adam Sure. He was buckled up and on fire when we saw him. But we're still going to pin that on turbulence. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So you stay buckled up. Yeah. Play it there, Anderson. Let's finish it off here.

1:03:29 Caller Safety belt the entire flight. So next time you fly, stay buckled up the whole time. Because after all, turbulence happens and you're just not built for it.

1:03:39 Adam No, you're not. You're not built.

1:03:40 Caller This message is a public service on this stage.

1:03:42 Adam No, no, you couldn't be built for it. Like everyone, you want to experience and it's a scary thing, but you want to experience turbulence. Go sit in your car and rock back and forth a little bit when it's not running.

1:03:52 Drew That's turbulence.

1:03:52 Adam Yeah. Now, you want to experience the roller blade with the cars, brakes locking up. All you got to do is go into a fly out out of control in the crowded intersection of automobiles and roll the dice. What would you rather happen to your kid, by the way, Drew?

1:04:07 Drew Turbulence is very scary. I don't know if I can handle that.

1:04:09 Adam Yeah. And, you know, I've flown all over this man's country. I've never heard anybody tell you to put the seatbelt on when you get in the line. It's called a seatbelt. It has a male and a female side.

1:04:20 Drew I sure hope they show us how to use that instrument because I've never really heard.

1:04:24 Adam No, no, they never have. They never have. There's not, you think that the, you think that the stewardess lady would actually show you how to put it together in front of the group.

1:04:32 Drew Of course you must do that. I don't know how to use it.

1:04:34 Adam You guys are all screwed up.

1:04:35 Caller It's called a safety belt.

1:04:36 Adam Called a safety belt.

1:04:37 Drew Safety belt. Now I'm being more confused.

1:04:38 Adam It's not the cockpit anymore. It's the flight deck. My point is-

1:04:42 Drew It's not stewardess either. It's a flight attendant.

1:04:44 Adam Yeah, it's a gay guy. We are spending millions of dollars on this kind of crap. Who procures this funding? What goes on? Whose ideas are these? Who greenlights them? Is there anybody, anybody in the government who's awake? I mean, is there not a voice that says, are you high? What are you talking about? I don't even know what you mean. Who reads the copy? Who hears the commercial? Who doesn't go, what, rollerblading? What? My son was killed rollerblading three years ago. What are you doing? By the way, do they have, let me ask you this. There's plenty of safety equipment for football. There's plenty of safety equipment for rollerblading. What safety equipment do they have for flying?

1:05:25 Drew Well, that's the point. That's the point.

1:05:27 Adam That's right.

1:05:27 Drew That's what that belt that they were describing.

1:05:29 Adam Yeah, you should wear a helmet. You should wear the wrist guards. You should wear the whole thing. It's just a colossal waste of money. I don't understand why it goes on. I don't understand who funds it. Well, I know who funds it. We fund it. But there's so many more important things it could go to. And it doesn't. And to me, it's sort of indicative of the entire government in this country, which is they're very important problems that they could address, they don't address, they focus on nonsense. And maybe it's a way to sort of lull people to sleep. Because if you're a country that's putting...

1:06:01 Drew The reality is probably somebody has access to somebody and somebody has a business that they want to get some money for and they find an excuse to do it. There you go.

1:06:08 Adam Please somebody, please somebody within the sound of my voice, find me the a-holes who make that commercial. I want to find the guy who wrote the copy for that and spit on him. I just want to knee him in the groin and then spit on him and yell, you're a hack and I'll do that thing where I pull my glove out and I'll slap him across the face and I'll pull this comedy applet off his jacket and throw them on the ground and tell me you're drummed out of the comedy service. You're not only an idiot, you're a hack. And the funny part about the meetings where the boss is snoring, I've seen melanoma that's funnier than that. Idiots. Wasting everyone's time. Please somebody find me these people.

1:06:49 Drew Speaking of wasting time, they're adding to the waste.

1:06:51 Adam All right.

1:06:52 Drew Here we go. Jeff 20. Jeff? 104 minutes.

1:06:57 Adam No.

1:06:58 Drew See what happened?

1:07:00 Adam He doesn't have the Constitution I have, Drew. What can I say?

1:07:03 Caller Jeff?

1:07:07 Adam No greater compliment has ever been paid to a talk show host. Sarah? What's up?

1:07:15 Caller Well, I was talking to some of my friends when we were talking about masturbation and it came up what age? And I started masturbating at 7. At the age of 7. And all of my friends are like, wow, really? Like, no, that's strange. You know?

1:07:36 Adam Well, it is. Did you have an orgasm?

1:07:39 Caller Yeah.

1:07:41 Drew Interesting.

1:07:41 Adam I don't know. But I don't know. Drew, can you count that? Can you count it as an orgasm?

1:07:46 Drew I don't know.

1:07:47 Adam I know for women it's hard. You can't dust for an orgasm. It's hard to tell if you have one or not. You have a sensation. It feels good.

1:07:56 Drew I don't know. But generally, in my experience, kids that masturbate at that age usually are in a pretty chaotic home.

1:08:02 Adam Well, let me ask you this, Drew.

1:08:03 Drew They sort of self-stimulate it as a way of managing their feelings.

1:08:05 Adam I have a horrible question. Could a molestation victim at seven, if they had some 40-year-old uncle on them, could they have an orgasm?

1:08:14 Drew I don't. I doubt it. I really seriously doubt it.

1:08:20 Adam Sarah?

1:08:21 Caller Yeah.

1:08:21 Drew So was there a lot of chaos in your home?

1:08:25 Caller Not really. I mean, I live with my grandparents and not my parents, but...

1:08:31 Drew That's chaos. Sarah? Sarah, that's exactly what I'm talking about. How can you say that? There's nothing to do with it when that's the kind of thing I'm talking about.

1:08:38 Adam There had to be copious amounts of chaos in your home for you to be raised by your grandparents.

1:08:46 Okay.

1:08:48 Drew When a child can't regulate, when it feels overwhelmed, they will reach for their genitalia. That just seems to be what happens. It's something that when they really are just... And usually that's a result of living in severe, severe chaos. Sarah? That's what you got going.

1:09:05 Adam What went on with your horrible parents that you were forced to be raised by your grandparents?

1:09:12 Caller Well, my mom was 16 when she had me and couldn't take care of me. I was into a lot of drugs and stuff, so my grandparents...

1:09:25 Drew All right, Sarah. Sarah, help me understand something. When I brought up the chaos early in your life, how come you couldn't connect that up with the life you actually had?

1:09:36 Caller What do you mean?

1:09:39 Drew You're describing some of the most profound disturbances a child can go through. And when I brought that up as the reason the kids tend to masturbate at a young age, why couldn't you make that connect for you?

1:09:49 Adam You said chaos, and I think she thinks that means a guy spinning plates in her living room every night. I don't think she understands that in terms of family structure. She doesn't even know what you're talking about now.

1:10:02 Caller I never thought of it as chaotic. It's just normal, I guess.

1:10:06 Drew Yeah, but it isn't normal.

1:10:07 Adam Yeah, normal, normal, and it would be normal if you were a dolphin to be raised in the ocean.

1:10:12 Drew Right.

1:10:13 Adam But weird if you weren't. It was normal to you.

1:10:16 Drew Right. But you were living in adversity, severe, severe, severe.

1:10:21 Adam Most people don't get raised by their grandparents because their mom's a 16-year-old drug addict.

1:10:26 Drew Okay.

1:10:27 Adam All right. All right, and where's your dad?

1:10:30 Caller I don't know. I have no idea. I've never met him. I've never...

1:10:34 Drew Yeah.

1:10:35 Caller All right.

1:10:35 Drew That's a bad childhood. The reason you're in one piece is you're... God bless your grandparents, but the reason you had some emotional difficulties and had trouble regulating those emotions is because of the horrible situation.

1:10:48 Adam When did you get away from your mother? Immediately?

1:10:52 Caller I'm not really sure. I never talk about it. So as far as the back of I can remember, I was never with my mom.

1:11:00 Adam Do you see your mom now?

1:11:03 Caller Very rarely, but I see her, yeah.

1:11:05 Drew Is she in recovery now or is she still out?

1:11:08 Caller She's really good now. She's got a house and she's married and has another child and...

1:11:16 Drew Wow.

1:11:16 Adam Why don't you see much of her?

1:11:21 Caller I don't know, we're not that close. And I see her on the weekends. I watch my little brother, so she brings him by and that's about it.

1:11:31 Adam Well, they have a professional relationship with her.

1:11:34 Drew You see her every weekend?

1:11:36 Caller Yeah.

1:11:37 Drew Alright, you described it to us as though you saw her once a year.

1:11:41 Caller Well, but like it's like for a couple of seconds and then, you know...

1:11:45 Adam Alright, she's angry at her, she drops the kid off. Alright, you're angry at your mom, you should be.

1:11:52 Drew Or disconnected in some horrible way.

1:11:54 Adam Alright, Sarah, you got, there's issues, baby doll.

1:11:59 Drew Yeah.

1:11:59 Adam They need to be addressed. Alright? Alright, listen, don't get pregnant. No.

1:12:06 Drew Good.

1:12:07 Adam That's number one.

1:12:08 Drew Because you're a setup to do what your mom did. Although, your grandparents probably helped you out enough that you wouldn't be so, quite so...

1:12:14 Adam Yeah, but they were her parents, so... Yeah. Then do that great a job with their kid. Were your parents, were your grandparents okay?

1:12:21 Caller Um, as far as I know, they were fine.

1:12:24 Drew Yeah, but as far as she knew, her mom was okay, too. Yeah.

1:12:27 Adam But you were raised by these people, you can't give them an endorsement? As far as you know?

1:12:32 Caller I don't know. They seemed fine to me. But...

1:12:36 Adam Yeah.

1:12:38 Drew This is what we call dissociation, where she's just disconnected from everything.

1:12:41 Adam Yeah. They raised you, did they not?

1:12:44 Caller Yes.

1:12:45 Adam Okay.

1:12:46 Drew Well, remember a few minutes ago, I have no relationship with my mom, except every weekend she brings my little brother over.

1:12:52 Adam Your grandparents, you want to give them a little shout out, a little kudos for raising you, or do you have anything to say about them?

1:13:00 Caller No, not really.

1:13:01 Adam Okay.

1:13:03 Drew That's satisfying.

1:13:04 Adam I would kill you and then kill myself as a grandparent. It's like, your mom, your 16-year-old drug addict mom drops you off at our house, we're getting ready to retire, take a cruise around the world, and then we're going to raise a snot-nosed chick for 17 years. It's like, did they do a good job? They were at home.

1:13:23 Drew Seems okay to me.

1:13:24 Adam All right, baby. You're in big trouble. You got to get some therapy. Okay. I can't take it. Did your grandparents do a good job or not? Were they good people? Were they loving people?

1:13:36 Drew Were they abusive?

1:13:37 Caller Yes.

1:13:37 Adam All right. Say something nice about the old F's. Would you please? Jesus Christ.

1:13:42 Caller Very loving.

1:13:43 Adam All right. Well, go tell them they did a good job. Would you?

1:13:46 Drew Okay. All right. Yeah, sure.

1:13:48 Adam All right.

1:13:49 Drew That could happen.

1:13:49 Adam Look, everybody, this is what you create. When you get pregnant at 16, you don't want to stop doing drugs and you drop the kid off somewhere. And here's the deal, too. And I hate to say it, but-

1:14:01 Drew There's your grandmother.

1:14:02 Adam It's the goddamn truth. What?

1:14:04 Drew There's your grandmother, Sarah. Sarah is your grandmother.

1:14:07 Adam Oh, my grandmother. Oh, yeah.

1:14:09 Drew Yeah.

1:14:09 Adam Well, no, she's my mom.

1:14:10 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:14:11 Adam And my mom got dumped off. Yeah. That happened to her. What happened to Sarah? A little twist on it. But the point is, is how dare you bring my family up here? I told you that was out of bounds. Clearly told you it was out of bounds on this radio program.

1:14:25 Drew To ever, ever bring her up.

1:14:26 Adam Don't you ever. Here's the thing, we can talk to Sarah 17. We can talk to her 25 years.

1:14:34 Drew It'll be the same.

1:14:35 Adam Oh, you'll recognize her. Yeah. It ain't going to be much different. Here's what, here's her only shot. Tons of therapy, tons of books, tons of everything. But nah, that doesn't mean she can't have a kid and have a life, but she's going to be her.

1:14:49 Drew Let me get a little philosophical. Isn't it interesting that the way she finds satisfaction is through self-stimulation?

1:14:56 Adam Yeah.

1:14:56 Drew So it's like she's disconnected from all of us completely, but at seven she found the self-circuit.

1:15:01 Adam Yeah.

1:15:02 Drew And that's good.

1:15:02 Adam Yeah. She had no connection with her mom. She had no connection with her father. She had a couple of folks that she didn't feel close to raise her, and doesn't even sound like she knows they exist, or essentially her parents, her grandparents. All right. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:15:21 Drew Hello?

1:15:22 Adam What is it?

1:15:22 Drew This is Loveline.

1:15:23 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:15:31 Adam Yeah. It's Loveline of Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-191-er. Let's hop to the phone. Shall we, Drew?

1:15:40 Drew Hop, indeed.

1:15:41 Adam Ashley?

1:15:42 Caller Yes. Hi.

1:15:45 Adam What can we do for you, sweetie?

1:15:48 Caller I've been living in LA for about seven months now, alone with no family and supporting myself. And...

1:15:56 Drew Why?

1:15:58 Caller I've come here for, I guess, career opportunities.

1:16:04 Adam What kind of career? Acting?

1:16:07 Caller Yes. And I grew up in Boston, in the Boston area, and I grew up doing theater for about 11 years. I always wanted to try film. And I do art and dance. So I just wanted... I feel like LA had better opportunities.

1:16:24 Drew You know, it's interesting. I bet people come out here now for a reality TV career.

1:16:27 Caller I know. I don't even own a TV.

1:16:29 Caller I don't have interest in it. I just really like...

1:16:33 Caller I'd rather do...

1:16:35 Adam All right, hold on. Let me just say something. Everything reminds me of something. And it's usually something boring. But I was traveling around. I was in Tampa and Charlotte a few weeks back. I talked to a little black girl at this fair. And I was like, Hey, what do you want to do when you're older, sweetie? And she said, I'm gonna be a rap, rap singer. And I said, oh, all right. Well, what do you got for me? You got a rap for me? I had a microphone, you know, I was doing a bit. She was like, no. I was like, well, you want to be a rap singer, right?

1:17:03 Caller Yeah.

1:17:05 Adam Do you have, can you do a little something? Do you do any rapping sometimes? You know, what do you got? Nothing. And later on, I ran into this guy. He's like 16. He's like, hey, you're from the man show. I'm like, yeah, yeah, I want to do that. That's what I want to do. I want to do. I want to do comedy. I want to do comedy. I was like, well, do you got any jokes? You do anything? No. Well, you want to do comedy? Uh huh. Well, like what? What do you mean? I want to be like Chris Rock. Uh, he was a white guy, ironically. It's all right. How about Adam Sandler? I wish you were closer in color. He's like, you know, do some action movies and do some comedies and do some stand-up and something like, all right, well, what do you got? Do you do any stand-up? Do you do any comedy? Do you write down funny things? Like, do you think of something funny? And I just realized people don't even make the connection between having to do the thing and being the thing. They just, I'd like to be an astronaut, like to be a rap singer, I'd like to be a movie star, like to be a model. You got to be good-looking, you got to take classes, you got to do that. You got to do stuff.

1:18:06 Drew Entitlement. You just declare that's what it's gonna be and that's what it is.

1:18:09 Adam I just think it's delusionment.

1:18:11 Drew What has, how were you gonna give up the astronaut thing? You.

1:18:15 Adam Me?

1:18:15 Drew Yeah.

1:18:16 Adam What do you mean gave it up? I'm gonna be an astronaut.

1:18:18 Drew Have you ever studied aeronautical engineering?

1:18:20 Adam I, so I wanna be an astronaut.

1:18:22 Drew Right, there you go.

1:18:24 Adam What is, I don't know what you said, but it's not gonna stop me from being an astronaut.

1:18:27 Drew Right.

1:18:28 Adam Pirate astronaut. Ashley?

1:18:31 Caller Yes.

1:18:32 Adam I know you've done study, though. You've done theater and that sort of stuff.

1:18:36 Caller Yes. This is not what I'm calling, but yeah.

1:18:38 Adam I know. I just realized that-

1:18:40 Caller I know.

1:18:41 Adam Everyone watches TV all day long, and every five-year-old in the country-

1:18:44 Caller And I don't.

1:18:45 Adam Nobody wants to be a school teacher anymore. It's just like, yeah, we'll be a rap singer.

1:18:49 Drew And you are in North Hollywood, Ashley.

1:18:52 Adam Oh, oh, oh, oh.

1:18:56 Caller Anyway, yeah, I live next door to this wonderful kid who was a virgin when I met him anyway.

1:19:06 Drew Hang on a second. In Massachusetts, we refer to your peers as kids. It sounds like you're talking about a child when you say that.

1:19:13 Adam Yeah.

1:19:13 Drew I went to college in Massachusetts, and everyone was calling each other kid.

1:19:16 Adam Yeah.

1:19:16 Drew So you were like 25.

1:19:17 Adam How old was the virgin?

1:19:19 Caller He's 23. I mean, we live next door to each other right now, and he lost his virginity to me in January, and we were never in a relationship, but we were always crazy about each other. Anyway, we decided not to date.

1:19:32 Drew Why? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop. That doesn't make sense, right? Be crazy about each other so we didn't date? That doesn't make sense.

1:19:37 Caller We decided not to date because there was a number of us that were friends in a group, and we thought if anything went wrong, it would be bad because...

1:19:46 Drew No, no. Here's why you decide not to date.

1:19:48 Adam He's not that Indian.

1:19:49 Drew He's not that Indian. So he didn't want to date.

1:19:51 Caller Well, that's what I thought.

1:19:52 Caller But we were always fooling around and I knew this was hurting me. I knew it wasn't good.

1:19:56 Drew Wait, wait, wait. Let's continue to... You have to reframe this and stop looking at it through your rose-colored glasses. Because a guy is having sex with you, it doesn't mean he has any feeling whatsoever or that he's into it all. He's just having sex with you.

1:20:07 Caller I know that.

1:20:08 Drew Okay, so he can...

1:20:09 Caller I knew what I was doing.

1:20:11 Drew Well, you've not stated as though you knew what you were doing. You said, we decided not to date. No, he's not that Indian. Yet he continued to want to have sex with you. Okay.

1:20:20 Adam Harsh.

1:20:21 Caller So, okay, about a few months ago, I started seeing this 33-year-old who's just amazing and treats me like I've never been treated before, crazy about him, blah, blah, blah. Now this guy, this 23-year-old next to me has totally, I've totally broken his heart, as he says, and has completely fallen in love with me, he says.

1:20:49 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:20:50 Drew All right.

1:20:50 Adam Well, you snooze, you lose.

1:20:52 Drew Too bad. By the way, that's not the guy. You don't want to respond to that because as soon as you hit his direction, he'll run off again.

1:20:58 Adam Yeah. He did it once.

1:21:00 Caller That's what I believe. I think it's the...

1:21:02 Drew You're right...

1:21:02 Caller .what you can't have.

1:21:04 Drew Well, basically, that's it. That's the way. But not so much that he wants what he can't have, he wants what some other guy wants.

1:21:10 Caller Right.

1:21:12 Adam And here's the deal. There are consequences. Like, you know, oh, here's a hot stock tip. You want to invest? No, not really. All right. Then a year later, oh, it's gone through the roof. Yeah, I'd like to invest now. Well, you can't. It's too late.

1:21:25 Drew Too late.

1:21:25 Caller Too late. And he knows that he...

1:21:29 Drew And the 33-year-old, although we don't trust him, sounds like a really cool thing. So what are you doing? It's fine. It's okay.

1:21:36 Caller Right. But here's the thing. I mean, recently, I was telling him that about last November, November of 03, I was at a college...

1:21:50 Drew Hang on a second. I have to ask. Did you live in Canada for a while or something? No.

1:21:53 Caller Why? People once in a while say that to me.

1:21:56 Drew You say a boat. A boat in Minnesota?

1:21:58 Caller You know how many people say that, which is funny. I have never, though. I don't know what it is.

1:22:03 Adam Where did you say she was from?

1:22:04 Drew Massachusetts.

1:22:04 Caller I'm from Boston.

1:22:06 Adam Okay. All right. Well, you can avoid the Canadian connection if you start saying about instead of a boot.

1:22:12 Caller I know. It's a huge problem.

1:22:14 Adam It's kind of-

1:22:15 Drew Huge problem. Huge problem.

1:22:16 Adam Well, you got no one to blame but yourself for saying a boot.

1:22:19 Caller Yeah.

1:22:20 Drew Okay, go ahead. Finish up.

1:22:22 Caller Okay. At this college party in November of 2003, I had never told anyone this except for my neighbor next door. I was date-raped by two guys at this college party and no one knows that and I was never tested for anything afterwards but I do think they gave me something and I believe I gave it to him.

1:22:50 Drew To your 23-year-old?

1:22:51 Caller Yeah and I get really sick just thinking about it and it totally breaks my heart.

1:22:57 Drew What would that something be?

1:22:59 Caller I don't know. I have no idea what kind of STD neither of us is health insurance. We are just both scared and he...

1:23:07 Adam Ashley, hold on.

1:23:08 Drew You have to rely upon your craft a little bit and not use the S and the F bomb when you're in public.

1:23:13 Adam Yeah. Sometimes you're doing live television. You can't use the S bomb either.

1:23:16 Drew Yeah. Neither there.

1:23:17 Caller No.

1:23:18 Adam I don't understand this. This happened some time ago, a few years ago.

1:23:22 Drew I got straightened out of that.

1:23:23 Adam Two years ago. Yeah.

1:23:24 Drew Yeah.

1:23:24 Adam She, but she doesn't know it hasn't manifested itself in any way.

1:23:28 Drew Hey Ashley. Yeah. The only thing you could have that long and not know it or not have progressive symptoms would be chlamydia or warts or herpes.

1:23:38 Adam Yeah. Go to the free clinic.

1:23:40 Drew Go to Planned Parenthood and get checked out. That's all. And then you find out and he again, he is a grown man. He can take care of himself.

1:23:47 Adam Oh, what a clinic flashback.

1:23:51 Drew Do I ask her about this?

1:23:52 Adam The true truth thinks she's a multi-orgasmic Ashley.

1:23:57 Caller Yes.

1:23:58 Adam Multi-orgasmic.

1:24:00 Caller No, no.

1:24:01 Adam All right.

1:24:02 Caller I don't get off too easily.

1:24:04 Drew Okay.

1:24:05 Adam All right. All right, baby. Lighten up.

1:24:07 Caller So this, anyway, this 23-year-old has continued even through all that I've basically done to him.

1:24:14 Drew All right.

1:24:15 Adam Look, you're looking for chaos. You say you got a 33-year-old guy treats you like a queen. You can't tolerate that?

1:24:22 Caller Yes.

1:24:23 Caller I'm not used to it in any way.

1:24:24 Adam Yeah, I know. How about you just get used to someone treating you well?

1:24:27 Drew That's it. Period. All right.

1:24:29 Adam Stop it. She's going to screw this thing up.

1:24:31 Drew I know.

1:24:32 Adam It's awesome. That's what happens.

1:24:34 Drew She'll do well in this town. She'll do well.

1:24:36 Adam Yeah, she will. I probably will be driving behind her tomorrow morning while she's sitting frozen like a statue, not turning right at an intersection where it's perfectly legal and perfectly clear to turn right. Yes, that will be me. I will be the guy honking through the person who should be honking at her but refuses to honk.

1:24:55 Drew Well, good times.

1:24:56 Adam Is LA, let me ask you this about LA and people not honking. Is it A, that everyone's so polite? B, that everyone's just from another country and scared asless they're going to get pulled over and get something taken away from them? Or C, they're just so goddamn out of it and self-preoccupied that they don't even know what's going on.

1:25:16 Drew It's mostly the latter and there's sort of a strange horn culture out here.

1:25:21 Adam Yeah.

1:25:21 Drew You don't dare to horn someone honk to get them to move along. They're never done. But somebody who's driving aggressively, you won't have that. Yeah, they can't have it.

1:25:30 Adam They would honk at you.

1:25:31 Drew You'd honk at them. But they don't get in your way. They don't bother you or anything. You won't have any of that.

1:25:36 Adam Right. The horn in Southern California, the horn is used for punitive reasons.

1:25:42 Drew It lets you know that somebody's disapproving of your behavior.

1:25:45 Adam We use it to punish people, but we don't actually use it to alert people or move them along. It's really the worst the horn has to offer.

1:25:54 Drew I was in one of those double left turn lanes and I was stuck. I couldn't make the left myself. I won't go around people to do it.

1:26:00 Adam No, I do that.

1:26:00 Drew I know you do. I'm not that bold. Some guy squeezed across on left turn before we came across. I guess I was going straight, actually. The guy squeezed. Didn't make a slow down. The guy next to me honked so much. It startled me. I thought we were about to get in an accident or something.

1:26:16 Adam Right.

1:26:17 Drew You honked. We didn't even slow down for that guy. I was like, bravo, man. Thank you.

1:26:22 Adam It was good.

1:26:22 Drew Well done.

1:26:23 Adam I had a handful of pussies honk at me when I'm ignoring the red turn error.

1:26:29 Drew But it's dangerous to people around you. Like, what? Something's coming at us. We got a plane crash. What's going on here?

1:26:35 Adam Yeah. Let's just pick it up. Let's use the horn. Let's ignore those left turn arrows, please. It's been a while. I've not made the plea. Signal green, arrow red. You make your left. Just go. Here we go. Drive right on through. Just like the last signal that had no error. Just do it. I've been doing it. I've been doing it for years. It's liberating. No tickets. Just look around for the fuzz and fly. We'll take a quick break. Started doing it when we started out here in Westwood, too, over here in Culver City. Home of the arrow. Home of the useless arrow. Just start ignoring them.

1:27:09 Drew Land of the useless arrow.

1:27:12 Adam Please join me in my quest to take back our streets.

1:27:14 Drew Civil disobedience.

1:27:15 Adam Thank you. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Yeah, Loveline and Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Kelly Hu in here tomorrow, I should say next week. Also Goldfinger.

1:27:44 Drew A little bit long time.

1:27:46 Adam The Return of Goldfinger.

1:27:47 Drew Wow.

1:27:48 Adam Haven't seen, well, you've seen John in here a time or two.

1:27:51 Drew Yes, with, who did he produce?

1:27:53 Adam No, he produced a pretty successful band. I can't remember.

1:27:58 Drew Was it Killers? No, no, no.

1:27:59 Adam No, but they don't like meat is murder. I'll tell you that. Let's talk to Julie, who's 20. Julie?

1:28:08 Caller Yeah.

1:28:09 Adam You had sex with your roommate's boyfriend?

1:28:13 Caller Yeah.

1:28:14 Adam What did your roommate think of that?

1:28:16 Caller She doesn't know.

1:28:18 Adam All right.

1:28:19 Drew And what's your question?

1:28:22 Caller Well, my question is, ever since this incident happened, I've had no interest in sex whatsoever, not even masturbating. I mean, I used to masturbate on a regular basis, and it's not even a thought that crossed my mind.

1:28:40 Drew How long ago did this happen?

1:28:41 Caller About a month ago.

1:28:43 Adam Hmm. Do you think you feel guilty?

1:28:47 Caller Well, kind of. I mean, when it happened, basically, my boyfriend, er, not my boyfriend, my roommate's boyfriend called me up one night and wanted to go out. So we went out to a bar, and I got pretty drunk.

1:29:04 Adam Wave us.

1:29:05 Caller We went back to his place, and, you know, I drank more. And the next thing I knew, my clothes were off. And I mean, I basically remember it.

1:29:17 Adam It's never happened before, by the way.

1:29:19 Drew I've never heard this before. But it sounds like you set this up in some way.

1:29:23 Adam Where was your roommate? Was she out of town?

1:29:26 Caller She was at work.

1:29:28 Drew Do you feel like you were raped?

1:29:31 Caller Somewhat, yes. I felt like I was taking advantage of, definitely.

1:29:36 Adam Well, I think, yeah, you're depressed.

1:29:38 Caller I don't remember saying no, but I don't remember saying yes. I mean, I'm not attracted to this guy whatsoever.

1:29:46 Adam Whatsoever?

1:29:50 Drew It feels like you're acting something out. Did somebody do something like this to you?

1:29:54 Caller I'm sorry?

1:29:55 Drew Did somebody do something like this to you with your boyfriend or something?

1:29:59 Caller No, never.

1:30:00 Drew Did your dad cheat or something like that?

1:30:02 Caller No, my parents are still together.

1:30:04 Drew All right, so this was just the violation of the rape feeling.

1:30:08 Adam Yeah, I think you're depressed and maybe just depressed over feeling like you're taking advantage of.

1:30:14 Drew Right, like a kind of paralysis that you're feeling. That sounds like a rape.

1:30:18 Adam I don't understand the part where you're not attracted to the guy at all. He called you up. He wanted you to go out. You went to a bar. You went back to his place. I know there was booze involved, but not into him at all. Look, why even going out with him?

1:30:29 Caller I mean, he was a nice guy. I mean, we had certain things in common, and the weird thing was...

1:30:37 Drew You've got to think like a woman.

1:30:38 Adam All right.

1:30:39 Drew Yeah. See, Adam wouldn't go out with somebody flustered into him.

1:30:42 Caller He kept talking about all the negative things about his girlfriend.

1:30:48 Adam Yeah. How does that make you attracted to him, though, when you're not attracted to him? Okay. All right, Julie, here's the thing. You sound depressed.

1:30:58 Drew You sound traumatized.

1:30:59 Adam And traumatized. Maybe you're not depressed because you're depressed. Maybe you're just depressed because you feel like you made a bad decision, you feel guilty, you feel like you're taking advantage of.

1:31:08 Drew You feel the powerlessness of all this. Yeah, the powerlessness can be very, very uncomfortable.

1:31:12 Adam And that's gonna put a dent in your sex drive.

1:31:14 Drew Yeah. And you may want to look into this a little bit, maybe another support group, if you're in college, perhaps, support group of women, rape survivor, that kind of thing. Don't have to really make a huge deal of it because it'll never hold up as a rape, but just the feeling of powerlessness and being taken advantage of is something you need to work on.

1:31:31 Adam All right. Carrie's been on hold for a lifetime. Carrie?

1:31:35 Hi.

1:31:36 Adam What's happening?

1:31:38 Everything. I was actually calling to ask Drew advice. Yeah. When I was 18, I ended up moving out of my house for the simple fact that my stepdad is an abusive ass.

1:31:49 Drew Good job.

1:31:50 And, sorry, was I not allowed to say that?

1:31:53 Adam No, go ahead.

1:31:53 Drew All good.

1:31:54 Well, I actually ended up moving back home last year due to the simple fact that I was working 65 hours a week and I couldn't go to college. Every time I tried enrolling in the class, I ended up dropping it because I couldn't take it.

1:32:05 Drew All right, what's the question?

1:32:08 I feel I'm like going nuts living at home again. Like it's driving me crazy.

1:32:11 Drew All right. You're healthy, get out of there.

1:32:14 Adam Get your job and get out of there.

1:32:15 Drew You gotta get out of there.

1:32:15 Adam Are you working there?

1:32:16 Drew Or else live on campus, take out a loan, do something when you're out of there. This is not a healthy thing.

1:32:20 Adam Junior college, you can't live on campus.

1:32:24 Yeah, no.

1:32:24 Adam They got a parking, you gotta sleep in a parking lot.

1:32:27 Drew Get out of there somehow. It's a very healthy feeling to want to get out of there.

1:32:31 Adam Do you have a job?

1:32:32 Yeah, I actually just got back to working full time again.

1:32:36 Drew Let's see the promise you couldn't handle working and going to school.

1:32:38 Adam TS.

1:32:38 Drew You gotta do it.

1:32:39 Adam Well look, behind every successful person is non-successful woman who made him successful. It's a guy who busts his butt. Everybody is successful, did their full-time thing during the day and then did something else at night other than watch TV.

1:32:55 Drew For years.

1:32:56 Adam For years, for no pay. You pay, to often times classes, schools, whatever, materials, you make it work. That's what you do when you're successful. You don't say, I work, so I can't do this, I can't do that, no way, you figure it out, you make it work. It'd be great if you just had a bunch of money and support a family, you never had to do this. You don't have that, now you have to make it work. Alright, we'll be back. Well, that's the show, Baby Dolls, and the week. I want to thank engineers, Michelle, for doing a fantabulous job. Engineer Chris, at his mom's house listening right now, doing a great job all week. Junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, woo, woo, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, producer Lauren, for doing a fantastic job. Of course, producer Ann, and phone screener Brian, and the magic-fingered one, the Liberace of the Potentiometers, engineer Anderson, for doing a fantabulous job. Back with a vengeance, after a long absence at Camp Snoopy. So, until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahala.

1:34:35 Drew That is the most, you know, that is sort of the, that is the, but isn't that the onus of being a male? That is the...

1:34:48 Caller Larry Flint.

1:34:54 Drew This is his last gasp. It's just going out of him. Here goes the soul, there goes.

1:35:15 Adam The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, March 10, 2005