Episode 1000679782717

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline. With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:21 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Addiction Medicine Specialist. Well, football season's over, everybody.

1:33 Drew You all right?

1:34 Adam No.

1:35 Drew Very depressing. This is usually a very bad night for you.

1:37 Adam You know what I'm going to start doing? I'm going to just start rooting for the favorite in the Super Bowl because not only is it depressing that the football season is over, but I do the opposite of what people, the weaker people do who choose to favor it even though they have nothing to do with that team to make themselves feel good and it works. I line myself with the weaker team and make myself feel bad and I don't even care.

2:01 Drew It makes for a more exciting game. Here's the real game.

2:05 Adam It does.

2:06 Drew Root for that underdog team until for three quarters and then switch. Then you feel good. Yeah.

2:11 Adam That's not how it works.

2:12 Drew Oh, okay.

2:13 Adam Just switch. No, I mean, look, here's the thing. You know, decent Super Bowl commercials were kind of crappy, although I saw a couple of good ones.

2:21 Drew Which ones do you like?

2:22 Adam I like the one where the guy's going to make pasta for his lady. Yes, the cat. The cat. Nice cheer out of the Kimmel crowd.

2:30 Yes.

2:32 Adam Other than that, I thought they're sort of not funny and not unimaginative and all that. But.

2:37 Drew DirecTV had some good ones at the very beginning of the game.

2:40 Adam Maybe.

2:41 Drew But they were just sort of thoughtful, not funny at all.

2:45 Adam Yeah, not the kind of blockbuster-y kind of. Yeah.

2:49 Drew Well, it seemed like everyone was afraid of being overly or overtly sexual or provocative, except that one commercial with the girl in front of the congressional committee.

2:58 Adam Cross-strap coming off.

3:00 Drew What?

3:00 Adam Hot. Well, it didn't show anything. But it's interesting. Awful commercial, by the way. I'll give you an example of how unfunny the commercials were. Jack in the Box, who usually runs a pretty funny campaign and has lots of clever, interesting, funny commercials, had their least funny commercial of the last three years on the Super Bowl. So it's supposed to be, that's when you pull out all the stops. This is twice as good as anything you've ever seen from us before, but it was half as good.

3:29 Drew It seemed like funny wasn't something they were all going for. I mean, Cadillac, it's an elaborate commercials.

3:34 Yeah.

3:34 Drew Not funny.

3:35 Yeah.

3:35 Adam Well, here's, so here's the, here's what I have to say about all you horrible people out there. First off, as I've explained many times, I've had an ass full of the New England area the last two years with the Super Bowls and the Sox. And I work with a bunch of guys from that area. And it's nonstop. It's just nonstop Sox and Pats talk nonstop. And all I wanted, all I begged the football gods for is just, just don't let the Pats win another one. That's all. That's all. Just a little reprieve from the nonstop New England talk. Just, just please. And when they played the page, when they played the Colts, all I said was just please. Just get, and when they played Pittsburgh, I just said please. And now when I got done beating Philly, I just said please. I don't even care if Philly wins. Just please could the Pats not win? Could they not win?

4:21 Drew Please.

4:22 Adam And I got to head to an office full of crazy Pats guys.

4:25 Drew And, and see, even they're going to get bored with it though.

4:27 Adam Baseball's bled right into football, which bled into baseball again. It's just, it's nonstop New England sports talk where I work. And it's just, could somebody just not win something? Just, just give me six months off.

4:38 Drew No, no hockey. It's good.

4:39 Adam So here's, here's, we've talked about this phenomenon before and I find it reprehensible. As a matter of fact, I can't stand, like, you know how I'm very judgmental. I don't like this person, the person that's the Pats fan or the, when they're not from the area and they have no connection to the area. I mean, I, I, I, it boggles my mind to sit around at a Super Bowl party to see half the people pulling hard for the Pats and for no good reason. And my feeling is, is you have one team that's won twice in the last three years. You have another team that was here 24 years ago and didn't win. Other than that, zero. They have, one team has zero Super Bowl victories. The other team has two in the last 30 months. Right. You want them to get a third and you want the team that's never had one in 40 years and has been, you know, franchise, I don't know, for 50 or 60, 70 years. You want them, zero, they should have another goose egg and this should have a third. And in as many years, that's what you're looking for? Well, I just like them. Yeah, okay. You're just weak and insecure. And it's easy for you to glom on to the successful teams. And don't give me that crap, too, when these people do this. They go, hey, I think they're great. I like the one. I'm impressed by the way they execute. Yeah, no crap. You know what I mean? I mean, yeah, Tyson was great when Tyson was great. Muhammad Ali was great. Yeah, it's impressive. Don't you want the guys of 15 to 1 underdog is getting in there with them to beat them?

6:12 Drew Yeah.

6:12 Adam You just want another victory? Yeah. That's all? You want them to go 40 and 0 and say the other guys 22 and 9 to get a victory? You want that's what you want? And I don't think that's what you want. I just think that you're going to allow yourself to have you need it.

6:25 Drew They get swept into a little bit too. People, they get very, very primate like.

6:29 Adam They conveniently get swept into it, but it's more about, I'm such a loser that I couldn't handle this loss, even though it has nothing to do with me.

6:38 Drew I'm such a lemming that I can't stop for a second and go, hey, wait a minute. I think it's more of the latter, huh?

6:44 Adam I know. I think you make a good point. I think it's half lemming, half I'm just caught up on this train. I'm just going to go watch American Idol because everyone's talking about it. There's that. I mean, there's just stupid people do this, by the way. And by the way, this is the mark of an idiot. Smart people never do this. Stupid people always do this. They go out and get, remember Big Tad over K-Rock? Yeah, the Bulls are making their big run in the mid-90s. Who's the first guy sporting the Jordan jersey? Oh yeah, the guy. The guy from Orange County. But oh no, Chicago. Big Chicago fan. Yeah, it's A, you have to be stupid. B, you have to be sort of insecure and weak and whatever. And just admit that you want to feel like a winner at the end of the game, even though you've had nothing to do with the success of the team whatsoever. You can hail from that area and you know no one from that area.

7:37 Drew It is interesting, is that?

7:38 Adam Yeah, I look at it as a character flaw. Yeah, I really do.

7:42 Ask me what shirt Bryan, Bryan Bishop's wearing right now.

7:45 Drew Eagles.

7:46 Adam No, he's wearing the Patriots.

7:48 Jersey.

7:49 Adam Now what's his excuse, phone screener Bryan? Does he know anybody?

7:54 Drew I went to high school with Tom Brady. No way. You did?

7:58 Yeah, he was a year ahead of me.

8:00 We were high school teammates.

8:02 Drew Where? Where was the center?

8:05 Adam I don't know. Northern California or something. Where do you go to high school?

8:09 Sarah High School, San Mateo.

8:10 Adam All right. That's Northern California.

8:12 Drew All right.

8:13 Adam Tenuous. But I'm going to give it to you.

8:15 Drew Yeah, I'll give them that. All right. At least there's a connection. I've never seen him wear a jersey before tonight.

8:20 Adam Is he wearing a Brady jersey?

8:24 Drew No, it's not.

8:24 It's some guy named McGuinness.

8:26 Adam Bustier. God, do I love Anderson so little about football. McGuinness is. Yeah. All right. McGuinness. Hey, yeah, no, McGuinness. He went to USC and went. Oh, hey, Drew McGuinness. Went to USC, 55 outside linebacker. I play for the East Valley Trojans. The catcher.

8:44 Drew You catch the jersey. Get it.

8:45 Oh, yeah.

8:48 Adam Well, I'm celebrating my victory tonight.

8:50 Drew Hey, another commercial.

8:51 Adam Yeah, by the way, that's the other thing, too. Sorry, Brian. I'm going to have to examine yours in front of committee. See if you actually got any snaps in with Brady or how it works. But that other thing where you look, it's that, you know, it's that that Kevin Bacon, you know, it's that phenomenon. Yeah, I could connect myself to one of the 60 guys in the team and some far, far away way if I wanted to really do the math.

9:13 Drew Hell, I lived in New England. Yeah, Drew. I mean, big victory, big victory. Huge victory. Yeah. I got to go back to the roof of the Red Sox now.

9:21 Adam All I'm saying is there are people that have zero connection to Philadelphia and zero connection to New England who are rooting hard for New England and you people should be ashamed of yourselves.

9:32 Drew There was another set of commercials that I appreciated.

9:34 Adam Go ahead.

9:34 Drew And they were ripped off directly from you guys at the Man Show.

9:37 Adam Oh.

9:38 Drew The chimpanzees.

9:39 Adam A lot of chimps.

9:40 Drew A lot of chimps back in the commercial. And the chimps with the whoopee cushion I was particularly impressed by. Yeah. The room went crazy on that one.

9:46 Adam Yeah, I wonder if we, yeah, we used to do a lot of chimp stuff and they also did a commercial where they did all the mascots from all the brands and we did that on the Man Show too. We did the salute to advertisement. We had all the Mr. Peanut and Count Chocula and Jolly Green Giant.

10:07 Drew All the same ones.

10:08 Adam Basically.

10:09 Drew But it was Sam Ryder's.

10:10 Adam And the other hand, that's homage. No, no, I don't even think people think of it. I never think anyone's ripping anyone off.

10:18 Drew Sam Ryder's kind of circulate around. Now, one quick thing before we go. I'm looking for people for Discovery Health Channel. Women who are afraid of anal sex. I hope that's many of you. Pregnant women who are having fear of sex because she may harm the baby and other sexual phobias. Again, for people willing to be on television to discuss these things. We'll take your calls.

10:38 Adam Laura?

10:39 Hey.

10:40 Adam Twenty?

10:41 Yeah.

10:41 Adam What's up?

10:43 Okay. I have two things. First thing is last night I had a sex dream with Adam.

10:48 Adam Yeah.

10:49 Nice.

10:50 Drew How was it?

10:51 Yeah. It was pretty good actually, but it ended really sad.

10:55 Adam What happened?

10:56 Okay.

10:57 Do you want to know the whole story?

10:59 Adam Sure.

11:00 Okay. So anyway, I live in Wisconsin and there's this thing where both of you guys came to the state and everyone was freaking out. So the radio station was giving away this thing to reveal where you guys are staying. And I ended up finding it on my own. It was like in some warehouse, like in the woods.

11:20 So I found you guys and I'm like, Oh, hey, what's up? And you guys are like, Hey.

11:24 And I went up to Adam and I like gave him a hug. And you're just like, Hey, what's up, baby doll? And I'm like, Oh, nothing. And I just sat on your lap and like, yeah, it started like, I don't know, like, I don't know, making out with you a little bit. And then it's crazy. So then you just threw me on the couch bed.

11:42 Drew And yeah, the fold out bed. Nice.

11:45 Yeah.

11:45 So it was pretty nice.

11:47 So yeah, it went like that pretty good.

11:49 And then later in the dream, I tried to go back and find him because I was like, Oh my gosh, I need some more. So I couldn't, I couldn't find him. So I ended up really sad and stuff.

12:00 Drew And well, now you found him.

12:02 Adam Yeah.

12:02 Yeah.

12:04 Drew It's good fortune would have it. He's sitting right here.

12:06 Adam I gave him my cell phone. It's the deal.

12:09 I know I can't find you now, but no, I don't know.

12:12 It was pretty funny.

12:13 Adam So it was good. We had good sex, but it was over too soon.

12:17 Drew No, no. Yeah. I should have had repeated episodes.

12:19 Right. It was really good.

12:21 And that's why I needed to go back and find some more, you know?

12:24 Adam Nice.

12:25 I couldn't find you. You guys left. So I was like, Oh.

12:29 Adam Let me just say this. Thank you. The difference between male dreams and female dreams is we would have eliminated that entire radio whole story.

12:38 Drew No story.

12:38 Adam What are you talking about? You just would have been there.

12:41 Drew In fact, when she started with the story, I was a little confused, like story.

12:44 Adam Yeah. Now it's like, what happened in your dream? Well, I fell asleep and then I was on top of J. And it's like, what would you do? Meet her at some kind of. No, it's just on top of her.

12:58 Drew Well, first of all, when they ask you the question, huh? Why would I meet?

13:02 Adam Why sit through the, why go through that whole part where we have to listen to the radio and be caller, whatever. Although.

13:08 Drew Drive out to the woods. You'll agree with me on this, that there is the occasional time when you're just innocently going through a dream that becomes a sex dream. Yeah. It gets filed in your memory as two different dreams, by the way.

13:19 Adam Yeah.

13:19 Drew You know, you wouldn't, if somebody said, you know, if you went then to relay the sex dream, you wouldn't connect the two.

13:24 Adam Right.

13:24 Drew You go, yeah, I was having this dream. And then.

13:26 Right.

13:27 Drew Let's finish with her.

13:28 Yeah.

13:29 Adam So anyway, Laura, what's up? Thank you.

13:32 Yeah, no problem. It's great.

13:34 Okay. I have a question about.

13:36 Drew No, thank you.

13:36 Adam I don't feel dirty, by the way. A lot of you chicks, you feel dirty. You know, when like a guy's like, yeah, the dream, we got it on. You gave great oral. Yeah. You know, it feels like the real, actually, like there were great. Yeah. Well, they're they're they got a little sort of like indigenous tribesmen in them where they actually believe that the three did something. I wasn't a full blown right, but it was a partial left your body. It went over.

14:04 Got me.

14:04 Adam It counts as something more than if you didn't dream about it.

14:07 Drew Right. Right.

14:08 Adam Right.

14:08 All right.

14:09 Adam Go ahead, Laura.

14:10 OK. OK. Is there such thing on the penis where you can press and they just keep coming?

14:16 Drew No. Yeah. Some special button that you press and the life fluids. Just think about the just think about the logic of that for a second. Laura, where would the fluid keep coming from? Wouldn't it have to stop someday?

14:27 Like, yeah, but I mean, like a certain way you can like follow, you know, like how if it's like your veins are sticking out, you can like, you know, press it and you go with the flow of the blood.

14:39 You know, can you do that?

14:40 Drew Forget it. No, no, no. No, Laura, you got grave, great. Laura, grave misconceptions about how the male systems work and also misconceptions about what guys like.

14:50 Adam Well, I wouldn't mind. I mean, I'd like to eventually, you know, I started to shrivel. I'd like to stop.

14:57 Drew As your head caved in.

14:58 Yeah.

15:00 Drew As I started to turn inside out.

15:01 Adam Your face started to prune up like a Dick Tracy character. Hey, Laura.

15:07 Yeah.

15:08 Adam Junior college?

15:10 No.

15:11 Adam Just work, huh?

15:12 No, I go to a private school.

15:15 Drew What?

15:16 Yeah, I go to Lawrence University.

15:20 Adam What would he study?

15:22 Drew Pre-med?

15:23 Well, psychology.

15:25 I'm not really sure what I want to do, but that's what I'm wanting to do. I'm only like a sophomore. I'm just kind of...

15:31 Drew Where's Lawrence?

15:32 Lawrence is in Appleton.

15:34 Drew We spoke at University of Wisconsin Appleton.

15:37 Adam Oh, we were in Appleton?

15:38 Drew Yeah. Yeah. That's where we did the Donny Osmond routine.

15:40 Adam That was awesome.

15:41 Drew Strangely enough.

15:42 Adam All right, Laura. No, there's nothing you can do. There's really... Once a guy's having an orgasm, that's about it.

15:50 Drew Strangely, I think we were like in a hut in the woods.

15:53 Adam Yeah.

15:53 Drew Remember how we were put up? No, on the contrary, we were put up in a motel that had jacuzzi suites.

16:00 Adam Do you remember this? Yeah, I remember that. I remember many things about that trip to Wisconsin. I remember us jogging through the campus, getting chased by those sorority girls, posing for a picture in front of their house. The event itself, I don't remember that much.

16:15 Drew Remember, we had microphone problems at the event.

16:17 Adam All right. I remember going to the gym.

16:19 Drew Yep.

16:20 Adam Over there. I remember the jacuzzi tub in the room. I think that's where I discovered Christopher Lowell, by the way, that trip. I'm pretty sure I ran that hole.

16:29 Drew We were in a different city, though. We were in Green Bay. We were in Green Bay at that point.

16:32 Oh, really?

16:32 Drew Yeah. We went all over Wisconsin, remember?

16:35 Yeah.

16:36 Adam It's just a dream.

16:38 Drew And I remember that same trip, we walked across the street to Walmart to look at the guns.

16:44 Adam Oh, yeah. Remember that? Yeah.

16:47 Drew To laugh at it, basically. That's a bygun.

16:49 No.

16:49 Drew What the hell goes on here?

16:51 Yeah.

16:51 Adam Well, they don't have the morning after pill. They do have plenty of ammo.

16:56 All right.

16:56 Adam Let's talk to Violet.

17:00 Hello.

17:02 Adam Violet.

17:03 Hello.

17:03 Adam You're 26. What's up?

17:05 Hi. I wanted to... I love you guys, by the way. I listened for a long time. You guys do really awesome work. Thanks. And if I blather, I'm sorry. I'm just really nervous and really excited. Go ahead. Dr. Drew, I wanted to ask about the effects of mixing Oxycontin with weed.

17:23 Drew Yeah.

17:24 Are there any really major adverse effects to like brain function?

17:28 No.

17:29 Drew No. I mean, the thing about opiates is that it doesn't hurt anything. People are... you know, heroin doesn't hurt anything. It just causes horrible addiction. Oxycontin causes horrible addiction. Marijuana just confounds the addiction. Most of my Oxycontin addicts, yeah, they're oftentimes smoking pot, taking Valium, drinking. It's like that's a common combination.

17:48 Adam There's a Vicodin in the Oxycontin.

17:50 Drew It's related, but Oxycontin is more related to Percocet and it's longer acting, it's higher dose. Are you... we're not talking about you, though.

17:59 No, no, well, I don't think so.

18:01 Drew No, that's not you.

18:03 I've been on the same dose for about four months now, the exact same 20-milligram pill twice a day. Oxycontin. A herniated disc, and they won't operate on me until I lose more weight.

18:14 Yeah.

18:16 Drew Well, you might want to try getting off the medicine and see what happens to the pain, because one of the things that happens to people that are biologically prone to addiction is that they get this sort of pain reward cycle going, where the opiates cause pain. This is what I do every day of my professional life, is I take people off opiates and watch their pain go away. And many of them have tons of organic reason for pain, but that, bad enough to need chronic opiates, that sometimes tones down quite a bit.

18:39 Adam How much weight do you have to lose?

18:42 About another 70 pounds, and Adam, actually, something you said a couple years ago kind of got me motivated to lose the weight.

18:50 Adam Really?

18:51 I called a while ago, a few years, and I mentioned I was a big girl. I mean, I weighed like 350 pounds at a time. I know, yeah.

19:00 Adam I don't classify that as a big girl.

19:02 Drew By the way, wild weight fluctuations, very heavy, chronic back pain, all adds up to trauma for us.

19:09 Adam All right, but go ahead.

19:11 They thought it was trauma, but I don't have to think it was real.

19:12 Adam It's trauma for a futon too.

19:13 It's actual, like physical trauma.

19:16 But Adam, you said something about making the most out of what you got. And that kind of hit me, and I started dressing better, looking better. And also something Dr. Drew said about getting motivated to lose weight. I saw a picture of myself about a year and a half ago. That was like that rock bottom point that I know you saw.

19:36 Drew Yeah, yeah. You see it more clearly. Yeah. And go, oh my God.

19:40 Adam People always do that. I saw a picture of myself at a family reunion and realized, how about stepping out of the shower in front of the full length mirror for the last eight years? Didn't see the behemoth stepping out of the shower. But you had to see yourself in, you know, isn't that weird? Cut-offs in a denim shirt, and now all of a sudden that did it. There's something about being around other people that does it.

20:00 Drew That's absolutely the case.

20:01 Adam It gives you perspective, like you see skinny people to your right and to your left.

20:05 Drew I think it's actually relating to other people. Connecting with them sort of pulls you into reality, makes you, you know, make you look at things.

20:12 Adam People always say, oh man, once I saw that picture of myself, you see yourself in the mirror, you do your hair, you brush your teeth.

20:18 Drew I have patients who say that they're walking by a mirror and all of a sudden, that second, they're like, oh my God, I didn't see it until just now, pow. And usually they will say that when they've had a new kind of a relationship. Not a romantic relationship, but starting to relate with people in a different way. New kinds of friends, new kinds of conduct gives them a little more ability to see themselves.

20:41 Adam Yeah, listen, I'm down. But let's, I mean, you got to get one of those model books, one of those books where Tyra Banks tells you how to eat.

20:49 Drew Oh, that's it.

20:49 Adam Awesome. Yeah.

20:50 Drew Well, yeah, that's why she does.

20:52 Adam Here's the thing, everyone. We all start is really just the same lump of clay. And the beautiful people, they're just more diligent. They're more disciplined than we are.

21:02 Drew They work harder than you that God just likes them better.

21:04 Adam No, no, no, no, Drew. No, not that they forged those beautiful blue eyes.

21:10 Drew Oh, yeah.

21:10 Adam The clefts in the hands.

21:12 True.

21:12 Adam They give this six pack and right.

21:14 Right.

21:14 Adam That's constant broad shoulders and in the cemetery. That's all through hard work.

21:20 Drew That's all through hard work.

21:21 Adam Whereas the ugly people lazy. I see the fat lazy.

21:24 Drew I see.

21:25 Adam They have not spent as much time sculpting their lump of clay.

21:28 Drew I see. If they just spent more diligent in working with what they have, as you would put it.

21:33 Adam Fat people, people with big noses, balding people. I expand it into retarded people.

21:38 Drew Oh, sure.

21:38 Adam People have physical abnormalities. They just have abnormalities. You have cleft palates, hair lids, retarded people. Yeah. Well, using their logic.

21:46 Drew Yeah, of course.

21:47 Adam Yeah. Yeah, sure. It's their fault that people are born with, you know, out thumbs and stuff like that. Again, lazy, prenatal, but lazy.

21:56 Drew Have they just been working their hand more?

21:58 Pay attention to things?

22:00 Adam I can't tell exactly what they could have done, but they could have done something.

22:02 Drew Of course. Always. Always, Adam.

22:04 Adam Yeah.

22:04 Drew If they just chosen to be the way it's better.

22:06 Adam None of this has anything to do with genetics. That's what we're saying.

22:09 Drew Never.

22:10 Adam That's what we're saying.

22:10 Drew Or how the gene relates to the environment.

22:11 Adam Anyone who gets cancer or something, it's just got to be something in the environment.

22:15 Drew It's got to be.

22:15 Adam It had to be.

22:15 Drew Something did.

22:18 Adam Sometimes the carpeting.

22:19 Drew Or the mold.

22:20 Or the mold.

22:21 Adam Yeah.

22:21 That'll kill you.

22:22 Adam Yeah. Alina?

22:25 Yes.

22:25 Adam Yeah. Hold on. You show me a person that gives me anything about mold. I'll show you someone I cannot hang out with. Anyone? Everyone wants to discuss the mold. By the way, mold. Let's see. Mold. Ten years old or 10 billion years old? Right. You know what I mean? Mold. Somebody invented mold? When did mold get invented?

22:49 Drew Long before humans.

22:51 Adam Long before humans, mold was around. Never heard of it. Never did anything. Now it's killing people. It is a first-rate killer, this mold.

22:59 Drew What happened to Canada? Where did that go?

23:01 Adam The East?

23:02 Drew The East. That was in everybody's blood.

23:05 Adam It's killing everyone. Yeah. The mold people and the allergic people and the, I'll tell you, the guy can't hang with, the environmental allergy person.

23:14 Drew The guy. Sometimes, now legitimately, there's a version of that that's real.

23:17 Adam One out of every hundred of them, it's real. The other 99 full of crap. And you know what? I'm tossing the hundredth out because of the idiots who've ruined it for him. It's like you idiots who say you're allergic to peanuts and you're not, and I can't get it on the Southwest flight. By the way, when you fly Southwest, that's the only thing you have is those peanuts.

23:35 Drew Yeah.

23:36 Adam You understand?

23:37 Drew A little thimble of Diet Coke.

23:39 Adam That's it. No, I mean, there's one thing to look forward to. It's the peanuts. That's it. That's all they got. Alina?

23:47 Yes.

23:48 Adam What's up? You're 24.

23:50 Hey, I just want to say-

23:50 Drew You have a cat in your lap?

23:52 She's in the car with me.

23:55 She won't be quiet. I want to thank you guys for your public rant about the sports teams and people that like team just because they're either popular or because you know, daddy likes them for no particular reason because his best friend likes them. I'm just tired of it and I want to thank you guys for bringing that to the surface.

24:16 Adam Thank you.

24:16 Drew Careful. Adam goes on people who like cat rants too.

24:19 Adam I like cats.

24:21 Drew In your car?

24:22 Adam Well, you know, some people are more superstitious than others when they drive, Drew. You can't, you don't know. You can't judge. You're right. Where are you taking that cat?

24:33 Back to my apartment in LA from San Diego.

24:36 Drew Oh, okay. You're moving.

24:38 No, I just take her with me when I go down there for the weekend.

24:41 Drew Wow.

24:42 Adam That's pretty good because cats don't travel in cars very well at all.

24:47 Drew Well, you're witnessing that with this one.

24:49 Adam Here's what cats don't do. Anything you'd like them to do, they don't do very well, but especially the car thing. And I've just, I've just picked myself driving from San Diego to LA with this cat on my head, all four paws just dug into my scalp, and just two and a half hours of motoring, looking like I'm wearing a coonskin cap.

25:09 Drew Praying to God that he'd move around to the front.

25:10 Adam Slow, slow, slow trickle of blood just dripping down the forehead and getting caught up in my massive brow. I can't, that's amazing to me, you're traveling with your cat that way.

25:20 Drew That's wild, isn't it? And then she got to listen to that whining for three hours too.

25:23 Adam Now you can't get a cat, like just getting a cat into a crate.

25:27 Drew Well, I'm sure that one's in a crate.

25:28 Adam You think so?

25:29 Drew Yeah, I'm sure, it could not be all free in the car.

25:31 Adam Alina?

25:32 Yeah.

25:33 Adam Is a cat in a crate?

25:34 No, she's been in my lap and she was quiet most of the time and eventually she just decided that she was more interested in what was outside and talking to me the whole way.

25:44 Adam So she sits in your lap the entire time you drive back from San Diego?

25:50 I actually drove her from Northern California to San Diego in my lap once.

25:55 Adam Wow, I mean that's seven hours, eight hours?

25:58 Ten.

25:59 Adam Ten hours, yeah, could have made it in six. You didn't have the damn cat in your lap, but all right, all right.

26:05 She's very well behaved, thank you.

26:07 Adam No kidding, wow. Ten hours worth of cat in your lap. Jesus Christ, I couldn't even imagine. I could imagine going to the corner with a cat in the car.

26:20 Drew I mean, you make a fast move, the cat's reacting. You got some claws in there.

26:24 Adam This is, by the way, on the highway safety meter, this is a 12-pack and a simultaneous cell phone call on the danger meter. That's where it lines up with driving the cat in your lap.

26:34 Drew By the way, you got cell phone and cat going. She's talking to us.

26:37 Adam Okay, she's now, it's now, now picture next to her, Stevie Wonder. That's on, that dangerous there, buddy.

26:45 Drew Stevie Wonder driving?

26:46 Adam That's right. We'll take a little break. We'll be right back after this. Hey, buddy. Loveline. I'm Adam Lens, Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LEVE-191-ER.

27:11 Drew Oh, nice.

27:12 Adam You know, I was sitting around thinking, when am I gonna do without football?

27:15 Drew Yeah, yeah, which is, you bring that up strangely every year as the Super Bowl comes to a close.

27:21 Adam Here's where I'm at. The Super Bowl's over, the team I wanted to win lost, so I get that extra sort of kick in the nuts as I head out the door into the cold. And now, I'm just going to wander the vast, football-less wasteland for about eight months until something gets brewing again. Here's what I wish they would do. I would like to see Monday Night Football on Monday night year-round. And here's how we do it. We just start it, I don't know when it started, 1974, 1973, whatever. First game they did, that's when it starts. I would have no, believe, first off, if you just started running last year's Monday Night Football, I have no idea who won the game. You wouldn't know, I mean, back then, you wouldn't even know, well, Pittsburgh's playing Dallas, Green Bay's playing Chicago. You wouldn't know who was doing that good at that particular time. I would even gamble on it if somebody would just promise me they wouldn't go to the internet and find the answer to it. And you would see the old announcers, they'd have to run one of the old commercials on each break, too. It would be awesome seeing some Ford Pinto commercial or something. Yeah, it's the Ford pep singers. Bunch of guys in white jumpsuits singing, all peppy.

28:39 Drew Uni-Royale.

28:40 Adam Oh, it would be awesome. I would watch that.

28:43 Drew I would, too. I would, too. I would definitely. Why doesn't TV land do that, at least? I think NFL Network does something quite similar to that.

28:50 Adam That's sort of similar, but I don't think they're running Monday Night Footsteps.

28:55 Drew Not on Monday Night and not Monday Night Football. Probably not that, but they run the old games, and they do have old commercials on. I've seen those.

29:01 Adam I would, I would, yeah, they do that, like, you know, Game of the Week, you know, 1988, but it's not Monday Night Football.

29:08 Drew We want to see Cosell, Dandy, Harris, Meredith. OJ.

29:11 Adam Simpson. OJ. I want to see all the fashions changing throughout the years, the hairstyles changing, the team uniforms changing.

29:18 Drew References to politics.

29:20 Adam Yeah, the crazy names you haven't heard of or barely remember. Starting stars.

29:26 Drew Ahmad Rashad.

29:27 Adam Ahmad Rashad. It would be awesome. The other thing I'd like to see. Boy, I got some network planning to do. You know, I got the Playboy Channel. And the Playboy Channel, all they do is play sort of weird, hardcore porn that's been sort of tiled out a little or just they got rid of the money shots or they put condoms on people's heads or something. I don't remember what they've done. But the point is, is I can go see porn anytime I want in better quality than this. Start showing the old pictorials. Start showing the old roller skating disco parties. Show the Playmate Olympics. Show all that good stuff. Show the Playboy stuff.

30:08 Drew Yeah, yeah. The Playboy signature stuff.

30:10 Adam Playboy just shows porn.

30:11 Drew Yeah, yeah.

30:12 Adam That's it.

30:12 Drew Yeah, weird.

30:13 Yeah. All right.

30:14 Adam And then once in a while you see Ralph Garman on it. That's all.

30:18 Drew On the Playboy channel.

30:18 Oh yeah.

30:19 Adam Nice. Nikita?

30:20 Yeah?

30:21 Adam You're 16?

30:22 Caller Yes.

30:23 Adam What's up?

30:25 Caller I have a question for you guys.

30:26 Drew Yeah.

30:27 Caller All right. I had sex like in the middle of my period.

30:32 He came in me.

30:34 Caller And I was wondering what the chances are of getting pregnant.

30:38 Drew By the middle of your period, you mean while you were bleeding or the middle of the cycle?

30:43 Caller Like while I was bleeding.

30:45 Drew Unlikely, but you can still get pregnant that way, believe it or not.

30:48 Adam Yeah, but pretty slim.

30:50 Drew Pretty slim.

30:52 Adam Nikita, you're off and running, baby.

30:54 Drew Yeah, 16.

30:55 Adam What's up?

30:56 Caller I started young.

30:58 Drew Yeah, I would be so proud of that. How old is your boyfriend?

31:01 Caller 17.

31:02 Adam 17. What's the plan? Are you going to get on some birth control?

31:06 Yeah.

31:07 Adam When?

31:09 Caller When I go to the doctor.

31:11 Drew When is that going to be?

31:12 Probably next month.

31:15 Adam Next month. All right. You could have eight kids by then.

31:18 Drew How about tomorrow?

31:19 Adam Yeah, you got to... Here's the key to it. No more sex without protection. You got to get some form of protection, okay?

31:26 Drew All right. And I would urge you to take the morning after pill, even with what you've done. I mean, why not?

31:32 Adam No, she's not going to do that.

31:33 Drew I know, but go to Planned Parenthood, get some pills, let them decide if they want to put it on for the morning.

31:37 Adam Go to Planned Parenthood. Really?

31:39 Drew Yeah, really. For real. Because you're not going to go next month. Why would you be any more likely to go next month than tomorrow?

31:46 Adam You're having sex with a- All right, let me try to do it. How many brothers and sisters do you have?

31:52 Caller One older brother. One older brother. Uh-huh.

31:57 Drew How old is your mom?

31:59 Caller Thirty, thirty-four.

32:02 Adam Thirty-four?

32:03 Drew How old is your brother?

32:05 Caller Seventeen.

32:06 Drew That's seventeen. Seventeen, twice, is thirty-four.

32:10 Adam Right. All right.

32:11 Caller You're on track.

32:12 Adam Your mom was pregnant at sixteen.

32:14 Uh-huh.

32:16 Adam Okay. Is that the plan?

32:18 Caller No.

32:20 Drew We're well under way.

32:21 Adam Seems like it is.

32:22 Drew You're executing that plan.

32:24 Caller Yeah.

32:25 Adam All right. Anyway, Nikita, all right. Don't do it. Look, here's what we need to do. We really, here's what I'm going to do. When I'm in charge, I'm going to have open house. And I'm going to say all the moms, all the parents, all come out. And when I see, you know, I have this, you know, some of the kids like in the 7th or 8th grade, when I see the 13 year old kid come in and the 24 year old mom, it's like a 28 year old mom, any mom, like I'll pick a number, like under 35 or something. I see that in there. You come with me. You're coming with me. Kid, you're getting a norplant. Like this doesn't happen. I mean, I mean, Drew, we sit here all goddamn night. And we talk to people who are getting pregnant at 16, 17 years old. And when it turns out, how old was your mom? Lo and behold, 16 or 17. Here's the thing. Why should it be any different? It would be alarming and surprising, at least scientifically, if it wasn't.

33:20 Drew The way we know humans to be, of course.

33:22 Adam The way we know anything to be. If you really think about it, let's just say we're studying macaws. It would be alarming to find out that there is a vast difference between the age that the offspring got pregnant and that their parents got pregnant.

33:37 Drew In a certain setting, a certain set of macaws, of course.

33:40 Adam Yes, anything. All parts of life. If you're just making a movie about a different race and a different species and aliens, you would have them all the same. Right? They would all be the same thing. Why should this be any different? Well, it's not. That's the thing. And if you want to cure what ill society, this is one of the things to focus on. Yet, nobody ever brings it up ever, ever, never, never, ever, ever, never. Nobody in any kind of position of power ever even begins to... And not only does any kind of government, politician, president, whatever, not only do we not address this specific problem, they never even come into the neighborhood of this problem. They didn't even get close. It's like crazy taboo. They just run. You know, if it was a neighborhood, they would take a side street a mile before they even got close to it and go all the way around.

34:35 Drew What I'm dying to know is whether or not they have knowledge of this and just deny it publicly.

34:40 Adam Yeah.

34:41 Drew Or do they really have no knowledge or are in denial about it?

34:46 Adam I think they have knowledge of it.

34:47 Drew I hope so.

34:48 Adam I just think the...

34:49 Drew I actually don't. I think they are so steeped in their S that they really don't accept basic facts. They're not interested in it either.

34:59 Adam I just think it's so taboo and I think the deal is for politicians, this could never help, it could only hurt. I could only lose votes if I started bringing up this reproductive stuff and this teens having sex and this repetition and this sort of, you know, poor, uneducated, stupid people crapping out multiple numbers of kids attacking the system.

35:24 Drew The poor is the problem.

35:25 Adam It becomes a racial issue, becomes a financial thing and it becomes a reproductive thing and the next thing you know you've done nothing but alienate people. You're not going to get votes.

35:35 Drew Did you see American Dad at the Super Bowl?

35:37 Adam No I did not.

35:38 Drew It was very funny.

35:39 Adam It was good?

35:39 Drew Very good.

35:40 Adam Seth MacFarlane? Yep. Dear, dear friend, he's going to be up here pretty soon I think.

35:45 Drew Good.

35:46 Adam Now, I'm looking at the calendar which doesn't have his name on it, but the good news is it only goes about 45 minutes ahead of where we're actually at. The calendar actually says 1110.

35:57 Drew Well, he won't be here before 1110.

35:59 Adam No he will not. That we've learned. All right, Drew, what? Think second. Robert?

36:04 Drew I'm going to take it to Germany or Florida.

36:06 Adam Germany or Florida.

36:06 Drew All right.

36:08 Adam Philippe?

36:09 Caller Yeah, what's up, guys?

36:10 Adam What's up?

36:11 Caller How's it going?

36:12 Adam Good.

36:12 Caller All right, you ready?

36:13 Adam Yeah.

36:14 Caller Okay. A couple accused of torturing and starving five adopted children, including pulling out their toenails and subjecting them to electric shocks were captured Friday. The family included seven adopted children between the ages of 12 and 17. Five of the children told investigators they were tortured by the couple, subjected to electric shocks, beatings with hammers, and having their toenails yanked out with pliers. Germany or Florida.

36:37 Drew And here, there's more to this. The 13-year-old weighed 45 pounds.

36:42 Caller 38 pounds. One weighed 36 pounds, one weighed 38 pounds, another one, 80 pounds.

36:50 Drew The 17-year-old was 80 pounds.

36:51 Adam If you're looking to model, the camera will add 10 pounds. I do know that.

36:54 Drew 90 pounds, not actually 90 pounds.

36:56 Adam You got to do the math.

36:57 Drew By the way, nobody looked into that, the school, or?

37:02 Adam The emaciated child?

37:04 Drew Yeah, the Civil War concentration camp victims.

37:06 Adam So you're going to Florida?

37:08 Drew Oh, I know it's Florida.

37:10 Adam Yeah. Well, so they adopted them, and thanks, Philip.

37:14 Drew I'm glad here they were caught, by the way. I've been reading about that over the last few days.

37:17 Adam They haven't. Do they take it on the lamb?

37:19 Drew On the lamb in a motor home.

37:21 Adam Oh, motor home. Yeah. You can outrun almost any police cruiser in a motor home. Because, you know.

37:27 Drew And here was the great description. They're in a motor home, living with Florida plates. They're thought to be pulling a Lexus. Pulling a Lexus. That was the description. Pulling a Lexus, like towing a Lexus.

37:37 Adam No, I think that was the name of one of their daughters. They were dragging.

37:40 Drew Lexus, A-L-E-X-I-A.

37:41 Adam They were dragging Lexus behind the motor home.

37:43 Drew Oh, but now it makes sense. Now it makes sense.

37:45 Adam I've always said, I do like that motor home where they actually tug another car behind it. It's like, can't just rent a Taurus whenever you get to wherever you're getting. And then, there's forms of travel I don't understand. There's the motor home where you tow the car.

38:00 Drew Which just seems so dangerous to me.

38:02 Adam It seems dangerous and it seems like you would get less than a mile a gallon in that thing. Number one, and have almost no evasive ability at all.

38:10 Drew None.

38:10 Adam The other one I like too are the guy who's got the fully loaded gullwing. It's a Honda Cruiser, you know, but it's got the full fairing. And then they got the intercom system between him and the old lady, the two helmets, and then the sidecar. The other cases, the things got a fairing on it, the sides, the windscreen sides, but DC 10 and everything. It's like, look buddy, at what point, at a certain point, it's not a motorcycle. It doesn't fall over by itself. It gets 11 miles to the gallon. You feel no wind when you're on it. It's slower than a sports car. It's not a, I know your whole thing is like, you're a purist. This is not it.

38:53 Drew It's the open road.

38:55 Adam The only thing you get out of this is you can get killed if you get in a crash. Other than that, it's a car. It's essentially a car with no seatbelts. That's basically it.

39:05 Drew And no door, no door, no door, side impact.

39:06 Adam Yeah, you have no doors, no seatbelts, and no airbag. Other than that, it's a car, it's a car that gets horrible mileage where you can't talk to the person in the passenger seat, can't intercom. I just think that people are just showing off to do that. I have this theory that half the stuff people toe are just doing it to show off. The guys with all the jet skis and the bikes and everything. The guys who just get a fully loaded thing and just drive up and down the highway. I don't even like guys who put the racks on their cars. I don't like these guys. Look at me. Look at my lifestyle, everybody. Oh, not now, but you know, next week I'll be up at Mammoth, I'll be snowboarding, I'll be mountain biking, kayaking. Oh, this is me. This is my life. Look at my life, everybody. Yeah. Yeah, I got to have the sunglasses, they have little straps on them.

39:51 Drew Right.

39:51 Adam I have such an extreme life, my sunglasses go flying off at any moment. All right. Should we take a break?

39:58 Drew Let's do.

39:58 Adam We'll be right back after this. Yeah, Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew from number 1-800-LOVE-191. Let's talk to Anna. Anna?

40:32 Caller Yeah, hey.

40:33 Caller Yeah, hey.

40:34 Adam What's going on?

40:37 Caller When I give head to my boyfriend, I'm the one who's receiving the pleasure, like, well, he is too. But that's beside the point then. Well, when he gives me head, or no, when he goes down on me.

40:52 Drew Both terms we find problematic. No, no, not confusing.

40:56 Adam Close down, we're fine with the head part.

40:58 Caller I find it problematic. I don't get anything from that.

41:04 Adam Are your pants still on?

41:07 Caller Right now, yes.

41:08 Adam All right.

41:08 Drew Is he doing things that, you know, does he know what he's doing?

41:13 Adam The fact that I said still sort of suggested that it wasn't right now, but.

41:17 Caller Yeah.

41:18 Adam All right. Yeah, does he know what he's doing?

41:21 Caller Well, I don't know. He's my first person to.

41:24 Drew Do you masturbate?

41:25 Caller Yeah.

41:26 Drew And do you have orgasm that way?

41:28 Caller Yeah.

41:29 Adam How old is this guy?

41:31 Caller He's 15.

41:32 Drew Okay.

41:33 Adam 15.

41:33 Drew Slow it down, man. Please, dear God, slow it down. Okay. 14. You will not look back and think, well, I wish I'd done that sooner. Not really.

41:43 Adam Well, look, I don't know. It's a horse out of the barn.

41:47 Drew Yeah, yeah. I know. We could talk with her about it, but just.

41:50 Adam Well, I know we can, but are you going to have sex with this guy?

41:55 Caller No, I want to wait.

41:57 Adam I see. Old fashioned.

41:59 Caller Well, I guess. Well, not till, like, I'm married, but, you know, later.

42:03 Drew All right, good. When you masturbate, what do you do?

42:05 Adam Let me give later.

42:07 Drew Six weeks?

42:07 Adam 45 minutes?

42:08 Caller No, no. Like 17, 18.

42:11 Drew All right, that's fine.

42:12 Adam Hold on. She's 14.

42:16 Drew I know. With a head of steam.

42:18 Adam Head is the operative word there. She's 14. Yeah. Copious amounts of oral sex at 14. Four years, four years before the intercourse begins. Four years of another president in there. Pats will be going for a night in a row.

42:37 Drew Yeah, I know what you mean.

42:38 No, no.

42:40 Adam Yeah. No, I mean, really, you want to, the over under, if these two stay together?

42:45 Drew Six weeks?

42:46 Adam No.

42:47 Drew Six months?

42:49 Adam Three and a half months.

42:51 Drew It's a case in point, by the way. I agree with you. It's a case in point for don't get the ball rolling, whatever it is in life. You don't want to cheat. You don't want to lose your virginity. You don't want to spend too much. You know what I mean? Don't put yourself in situations where the momentum is already under way. Yeah. Then hold it back. Don't start going down the path.

43:11 Caller Yeah.

43:11 Drew Especially one of the things that involve human drives, because those drives will just pick up momentum.

43:16 Caller But that's faith in me. I really will hold out.

43:20 Drew All right. All right. Anyway, so you stimulate outside your vagina when you're masturbating, right?

43:28 Caller Yeah. Sort of. I have a massager effect. Okay. Yeah.

43:32 Drew All right. You need to instruct him a little bit.

43:35 Adam Yeah. See if we can, yeah, hone his craft. She's 14.

43:42 Drew Six.

43:44 Adam It seems, I don't know, there's something, you tell me where it ranks on your whatever meter, but the 14-year-old performing oral on the guy is advanced. Yeah.

43:59 Drew Routine. I mean, it's something that they do, but to be doing regularly is advanced.

44:02 Adam It seems advanced, but the guy performing on the 14-year-old seems even more advanced.

44:09 Drew Wild, yes.

44:10 Adam It does, yes?

44:10 Drew Yes, yes it does.

44:11 Adam Okay, good. And then where does sex, intercourse, rank?

44:16 Drew On the baseball diamond?

44:18 Adam No. Where does it rank compared to the oral sex with the 14-year-old? You know what I mean? What would be more shocking, more disturbing?

44:29 Drew Sex. Sex. Even in the world fashion. Marginally, yeah. That's the point from people our age perspective. Marginally, the 14-year-old's perspective is, well, it's just oral, it's the big deal.

44:41 Adam Yeah.

44:41 Drew It's not intercourse.

44:42 Adam Yeah.

44:43 Drew And again, you're making intercourse a technicality. The idea is more about chastity and intimacy and avoiding those things until you're really ready to handle them.

44:51 Adam I've been taking a little Vicodin over the break, you know? Got a little toothache, you know? It just doesn't do anything for me.

44:59 It doesn't get me going at all.

45:00 Drew So you took a lot?

45:02 Adam I take one about every...

45:05 Drew 12 minutes? 15 minutes?

45:09 Adam No, no. I take one... I was having pain yesterday. I took one like every couple of two, three hours, something like that, but it's just... I don't even feel a thing. I mean, it doesn't... I'm driving a car, I'm drinking a beer, and I don't feel a zero. I mean, it helps with the pain a little bit, but other than that, I mean, just a big fat zero.

45:28 Drew I feel some kind of strange negative, some kind of...

45:31 Adam Ugh, you do.

45:32 Drew Dread.

45:32 Adam You have dread.

45:33 Drew Yeah.

45:33 Adam Maybe I need to take... I take three or four more.

45:37 Drew Yeah.

45:37 Adam I just... I don't understand how people get off on it. I mean, I do understand.

45:41 Drew Different biology.

45:42 Adam This does not float my boat at all, but not bad. I wouldn't know that I took it. I could take two Vicodin, have a glass of wine and I would not... And if you said, look, did you take them or not? I would have no idea from the sensation I was having. No, no. Even thinking about it, wouldn't... I wouldn't be able to tell if I didn't remember taking them. Right. Which to me is a buzzkill. Literally buzzkill. CJ? Especially after all you idiots got me all pumped up on this Vicodin. Oh man, this Vicodin, it's like heroin. Oh man, I'm strung out on Vicodin. Oh, I can't get enough of that Vicodin. But I take the Vicodin, it's nothing. I gotta get some ludes. CJ, that's where I make my comeback. CJ? You're 18?

46:31 Yeah, me and my girlfriend are sitting here basically wondering if Dr. Drew would like to choke on Howard Stern's Small Penis.

46:40 Adam Would you like to be a man, would you like to be part of his TV program? Is that what that was?

46:45 Drew I thought that's what I was going to be, but I guess not.

46:47 Adam CJ?

46:48 Caller How you doing?

46:49 Adam Are you saying you'd like to be part of his television program?

46:53 No, I'm saying that I was wondering if Dr. Drew would like to choke on Howard Stern's Small Penis.

46:59 Adam I was just reading the screen here. Wants to do anal with girlfriend, but heard she can get hemorrhoids. I was still sort of thinking about the Vicodin stuff I was talking about, and I was sort of drifting away. You do or don't want to be part of the new TV show?

47:14 Yes, I do.

47:15 Drew Oh, there we go.

47:16 Adam Hold on, we'll put you-

47:17 Drew So I'm looking for people that are afraid of anal sex, pregnant women who are afraid of having sex because they may harm the baby and other sexual hangups for a television program.

47:24 Adam All right, CJ, we're going to put you on hold, and then you can talk to screen, and we'll get you signed up so we can get you on the show, all right?

47:32 Sounds good.

47:33 Adam All right. We're going to take yourselves a little break. We'll be right back after this. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. My sister called today. Wanted to know if the Super Bowl was going on.

48:31 And-

48:33 Drew Had it been canceled? Was that the question or?

48:35 Adam Was it going on right now?

48:36 Drew I see.

48:37 Adam And-

48:38 Drew Called during the Super Bowl to ask that?

48:40 Adam Yeah. I said- No. She didn't call during the Super Bowl. She called about 1 in the afternoon. And then said, oh good, because I didn't want to disturb you if it was going on. And I said, well, but you didn't know when it- This is how the arguments start, by the way. But the point is, is I realize, oh, she's a Corolla through and through. Yeah. I guarantee there's nobody in my family but me watching the Super Bowl. And I'm fine with that. I just don't like the part where the people who don't watch the Super Bowl have to weave it into a conversation. They'll be like to say stuff like, so what was the score? I didn't know. I was working out. I was at the park. I was, you know, and those, and I think those people, they're like the people that announce they don't have a TV set, proudly announce they don't have a TV set. I hate them. I hate you people. You tell me you only have three TV sets. I'm angry with you. You gotta have five or more. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Drew, I should take up a TV tally.

49:43 Drew Amongst your friends or just anybody that calls in?

49:46 Adam Jimmy's working on his house. He has the new house.

49:49 Drew Is it set up?

49:49 Adam The old house. No, he's doing a remodel on his old house.

49:52 Drew But I thought it was done.

49:53 Adam It's almost done.

49:53 Drew Okay.

49:54 Adam It's not a very big house. It's a decent size house, but you know, 3,000 square feet. How many TVs do you think?

50:02 Drew Jimmy? Seven?

50:06 Adam Teen, did you say?

50:07 Drew Oh, really?

50:08 Adam 17.

50:09 Caller Whoa.

50:11 Adam Whoa. 17. 17.

50:15 Drew Is that so he can just sort of stay on top of everything? You know, watch TV constantly?

50:19 Adam No, so he can beat off on the toilet.

50:20 Drew Okay, okay. Okay, well, yeah.

50:22 Adam Okay. Is that what you meant?

50:24 Drew That's exactly what I meant.

50:25 Adam He likes TV.

50:27 Drew Well, I mean, he needs to be current, you know what I mean?

50:31 Adam Yeah, he needs to watch things if you're going to do that kind of show.

50:33 Drew Yeah. Even if he didn't, though, if he didn't have the show he has, he'd still watch TV constantly.

50:38 Adam Yeah, you know, the thing about TV is it's sort of, it's like a gun. It's not inherently evil in the hands of law enforcement. It's a good thing.

50:46 Drew Right.

50:46 Adam In the hands of a criminal, it's a bad thing.

50:47 Drew Right.

50:48 Adam There's plenty of things on TV. You can sit and watch Discovery Channel and National Geographic and PBS and you can make yourself a, be a genius. You get more out of some National Geographic documentary and you couldn't get out of a book. All the graphics, all of a sudden they got a camera and they dropped it down 7,000 feet into the ocean. You're looking at wildlife. What are you supposed to look at? A sketch of it?

51:11 Drew Yeah, yeah. Interesting.

51:12 Adam What's wrong with that? I don't apologize to anybody. Robert?

51:16 Caller Yeah.

51:17 Adam 26?

51:18 Caller Yeah, that's correct.

51:19 Adam What's up?

51:21 Caller Yeah, sorry about that. What do you call that? I wasn't enough. Sort of fall asleep. Yeah, no, basically, actually, the reason why I was calling, actually, I'm like extremely addicted to, like, sex to the point that, like, it's always on my mind, constantly erections, constantly you know, looking off when I go out and stuff to different clubs and everything, trying to pick up women for that. And, you know, masturbation, you know, way too much, with regards to it on a daily basis.

51:50 Drew What are you doing once a day?

51:53 Caller You know, I try to hold off, try to do it, you know, it's usually at least once a day.

51:57 Drew Holding off is once a day?

52:00 Caller Excuse me?

52:01 Drew If you broke it out, you'd be doing it how often?

52:04 Caller About two to three times a day.

52:06 Drew Okay.

52:06 Adam Well, do you say you pick up women at clubs?

52:10 Caller Yeah.

52:11 Adam Really?

52:11 Caller Yeah. Not really even carrying too much with regards to taste or anything like that, with regards to standards.

52:17 Adam Oh, no, no. I know these aren't Hawaiian tropic models. Now, this is, look, here's the deal. You're calling from Van Nuys, so I know you're the best.

52:27 Drew Yeesh. Do you go to strip clubs and that sort of thing?

52:30 Caller Yeah, that as well, yeah.

52:31 Drew Are you spending a lot of money on sex?

52:34 Caller No, not really, actually. Somewhat, but not that much.

52:39 Adam Where do you pick up the women? What kind of clubs?

52:42 Caller Just, you know, going out to different nightclubs, strip clubs as well, pretty much.

52:48 Adam Who do you pick up at the strip club?

52:50 Caller At the strip club, a few strippers here and there.

52:53 Adam No. Do you have sex with the strippers?

52:57 Caller Pretty much, yes.

52:58 Adam No, when's that happened?

53:00 Caller Excuse me?

53:01 Adam When's the last time that happened?

53:04 Caller The last time that happened was a few weeks ago, actually.

53:07 Adam What club?

53:09 Caller The club over here called Girls, Girls, Girls, right off of Sherman on Lancashire.

53:15 Adam I've been to Girls, Girls, and Girls, Girls, Girls, Girls, but never Girls, Girls, Girls. No. Oh, not bad.

53:23 Caller Hey, everybody!

53:25 Adam Robert coming in his desperate. He beat off 10 minutes ago. Tammy, stage four, stage four.

53:31 Caller Oh, look at the businessman's lunch coming up.

53:34 Adam Quit your grinning, drop your linen.

53:36 Caller Welcome.

53:40 Adam That taste is hot.

53:41 Caller Blah, blah, blah, blah. I got a ponytail. Blah, blah, blah. I got a leather fanny pack.

54:06 Adam Is that what it is?

54:07 Caller Is that?

54:10 Caller Yeah.

54:10 Adam That's it. So you actually picked up one of the chicks that was dancing?

54:15 Caller Correct.

54:16 Adam And had sex with her?

54:17 Caller Correct.

54:18 Adam Did you pay her?

54:20 Caller Not for the actual sex, but during the actual, you know, for dancing and stuff, I probably spent quite a bit of money on that.

54:27 Adam How much do you think you spent?

54:30 Caller At that particular time, probably a few hundred.

54:34 Adam Investment near a sex future. All right. And...

54:40 Caller This is, with regard to like masturbation and stuff, that has been something that I've, you know, reflecting upon it now, that it's something that it's always been since childhood. Like, we, I mean, really young, to the point, like, I remember where my uncles would actually show us, like, you know, they would actually play pornographic tapes on TV while we were young, and I mean, really young.

55:08 Drew Well, that can screw you up pretty good, Robert. That can get you sort of, I've dealt with a lot of young people, a lot of people with chronic masturbation, chronic sexual compulsions, who either were sexually abused in childhood or were sort of exposed excessively to highly arousing erotic material before their brain had developed to the point that they could really manage that information, and it tends to wire kids up a certain way to make them kind of compulsive. So that might be what happened here. And it's something...

55:35 Caller I'm sorry, that's exactly what happened. I want to stop. I want to...

55:38 Adam It's something that...

55:40 Drew It requires treatment, Robert. You might want to call the Delamo Treatment Center in Torrance. They actually have a center for specializing in this sort of thing. It's not something that's easily undone. You can imagine one of the more powerful drives that human has, and it's not something you can choose to ignore or choose to not have any more than you can choose not to be hungry. And this is something that's in you now, and it needs to be undone, and it can be, but it requires a lot of work. So check out the Delamo in Torrance, okay?

56:09 Caller Delamo in Torrance is there?

56:10 Drew Delamo Treatment. Delamo Treatment.

56:12 Caller Delamo Treatment.

56:13 Adam Just look it up.

56:14 Drew Delamo Hospital. Delamo Hospital.

56:16 Caller Okay, Delamo.

56:16 Drew D-E-L-A-M-O.

56:18 Adam All right, Robert. Good luck, buddy. You'll be fine.

56:20 Drew Yeah, it's good that you know it's not right. Here's the problem with that kind of behavior is that it tends to progress and eventually something will happen, something will be illegal or will have a consequence or he'll cheat or have something happen that really affects him negatively, profoundly.

56:36 Adam Well, yeah, maybe. But on the other hand, he just feels out of control.

56:43 Drew No, I understand.

56:43 Adam He doesn't feel like he can control himself, which is, I guess, an argument for trying to get a hold of yourself.

56:49 Drew Yeah. Well, but if he if he had treatment. Right.

56:52 Adam All right. Maybe pregnant mom kicked around the house, then a new boyfriend.

56:57 All right.

56:57 Adam Seems good.

56:59 Caller Nicky?

57:00 Yes.

57:01 Adam You're 18?

57:02 Caller Yes.

57:03 Adam What's up?

57:04 Caller Um, I was telling a person earlier, I went to the doctor, the gynecologist, last week, on about Wednesday. And they told me that I have some abnormal swelling, that could be either A, signs of getting infection, or I'm pregnant. And with what's going on right now, I lost my apartment and my mom doesn't want me staying with her because I-

57:30 Drew Hold on a second. Hold on a second. Where did you go to be seen by the doctor?

57:35 Caller A place here in Phoenix.

57:37 Caller I'd rather-

57:38 Drew Well, the first thing they would do with a girl-

57:39 Adam They'd do a pregnancy test?

57:40 Drew Yeah, first thing. A girl walks in, you're ready to do a pregnancy test.

57:44 Caller They didn't.

57:45 Drew They didn't do one?

57:46 Caller No.

57:47 Drew Or they did it, it was negative, and they said maybe it's still positive, come back in two weeks.

57:51 Caller No, they didn't do one at all. I came home and I took one by myself.

57:55 Drew And?

57:56 Caller It said no, but my mom said that there was no way to make sure because it says that it would only be accurate after you had missed a period.

58:04 Drew Well.

58:05 Adam Well, but wait a minute. They have those, all those tests, right?

58:09 Drew They're not two weeks. How long? How far? How long in your pregnancy?

58:12 Caller You think you would be two, three weeks?

58:16 Adam Now, the test should show by now.

58:18 Drew And why didn't they start doing antibiotics? If there was a that's called a tubo ovarian abscess, they feel a swimming by your ovary. It could be an ovarian cyst, too, by the way. Right.

58:26 Caller Oh, thanks.

58:28 Drew What?

58:29 Caller I said, oh, thanks. Scary.

58:31 Drew Ovarian cysts are something that everybody gets.

58:33 Adam Yeah. I just had one.

58:35 Drew They're very good. You don't even have to remove them nine times out of ten.

58:38 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

58:39 Caller Well, they didn't. They told me that they would wait a week and have me come back. And right now, it's like everything in my life is on pause because of this problem that might be occurring. I've only been with this guy two months.

58:52 Adam And what's up with you and your mom? Why did you lose your apartment?

58:56 Caller I lost my apartment because I was staying with three other people and somebody broke in. And I guess they told my roommate that they were going to kill her because she ratted them out for beating up their girlfriend in the parking lot. And he got arrested. He came back with a vengeance.

59:13 Drew None of that made any sense.

59:14 Adam That's why you lost the apartment?

59:16 Caller I lost the apartment because when I went back, he didn't want to stay there anymore.

59:21 Drew Oh, I'm just going to put the loss.

59:23 Caller He broke the lease.

59:24 Drew Who did? Who's he?

59:27 Caller He.

59:28 Drew Who's the stalker?

59:30 Caller I don't know. I wasn't home when it happened. I was having a problem and I stayed with my mother. I came home all over.

59:35 Drew What was your problem?

59:38 Caller Well, the whole pregnancy thing. And on top of it, I was very depressed and... All right.

59:43 Drew Because you were already out of that apartment. What are you talking about? You were already out living with your mom.

59:47 Caller No, I went to go stay with her for a couple of days and I came home and all this crap was going on. Yeah.

59:53 Adam Let me explain how she gets out of that apartment. She grabs her chapstick and her toothbrush and then she's out.

59:58 Drew Right.

59:59 Adam Yeah. Whose names on the lease?

1:00:02 Caller Mine and my roommate.

1:00:05 Adam Neither one of you is in there anymore?

1:00:08 Caller No.

1:00:09 Drew Who's responsible for the lease?

1:00:12 Caller Well, about the less but we broke it. We paid $1,500 to break the lease.

1:00:16 Drew You're out.

1:00:17 Adam There you go. Your mom, now is your dad around?

1:00:21 Caller My dad lives in California.

1:00:23 Adam Uh-huh. Of course. When did he flee the scene?

1:00:27 Caller He didn't leave the scene. I left his scene. I lived with him for a while and I moved here to Arizona to start at MCT.

1:00:35 Adam Right. So, your mom and him were never together?

1:00:39 Caller They were. They got divorced when I was very, very young.

1:00:43 Adam Alright. And he moved to California?

1:00:45 Caller Yeah. Well, he stayed in California. We moved up here.

1:00:49 Drew You know how you react, Adam, you start wanting to get abusive with people when they've been abused and start getting that hostility. I get angry when people are obfuscating, when they're dishonest and sort of, they can't follow everything, sort of half facts and half fiction.

1:01:05 Adam I know. I listen. I used to get angry and then I just realized, oh, who cares? Let them just make up fantasies about their own crappy life. They have to live in it. You know what I'm saying?

1:01:15 Drew Yeah. Alright.

1:01:17 Adam So, no, it's true. Like, look, everyone's got a rap now. Everyone's got a reason why they got fired. Everyone's got a reason why they got kicked out. Everyone's got a reason why, you know, they're stepdad, whatever, whatever it is. Listen, everyone talk to you blue in the face. I'm going back to my big house, watch my big TV. I don't care what your rap is. Who are you trying to convince, by the way?

1:01:36 Drew I don't like having to interpret everything people say.

1:01:39 Adam Well, Nicky's got problems. I mean, Nicky's angry and Nicky has, there's sort of a cross between angry and a rap, and a sort of manipulation rap.

1:01:49 Drew It's just all just shrouded in mystery.

1:01:51 Adam Whatever it is it makes for bad friends, bad parenting, you know, it's just, it's not a person you want to be around. Everything happens to her. It's never her fault. She's always caught up in something. Nicky, you need to make sure you're not pregnant. And you took a test and it said you weren't, so you're probably not.

1:02:15 Drew If you were pregnant or even had possibly a tubal pregnancy, they would be following you very carefully.

1:02:22 Caller That's what I thought.

1:02:23 Adam All right, so now you need to kiss your mom's ass so that you can stay in the house.

1:02:31 Caller Well, see, the problem with that is she wants me to quote unquote conform, and I don't want to be like everybody else.

1:02:39 Drew I'm not saying you're an individual. You're an individual with spiky hair and piercings. Yeah, like every other individual looks like that.

1:02:46 Caller Dressed all in black, yes.

1:02:48 Drew No, that's an individual. I've never seen that before.

1:02:50 Adam Hold on.

1:02:50 Drew I've never seen anybody look like that.

1:02:51 Adam Hold on. People dressed in black?

1:02:54 Drew That is individual black, because no one, it's one of a kind.

1:02:58 Adam Yeah, I remember Johnny Cash used to dress in orange.

1:03:03 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:03:04 Adam I used to call him the man in orange. But I never, nope, never seen that before. All right, so you're making a statement. So she wants you to conform. Well, look, here's the deal, Nikki. You're angry, you're lashing out, she's trying to reel you back in, and you're getting angrier.

1:03:22 Drew Here's the problem is that if you don't sort of restrict your expressions a little bit, you should become unemployable. At least your employment possibilities are highly restricted themselves. You can go to work at a video store in a Starbucks, that's about it.

1:03:37 Caller I already quit the video store, I ain't going back.

1:03:40 Adam Well, there you go. All right, Nikki, listen, here's what I want you to do, baby. I want you to wear more black, I want you to get more piercings, I'd like you to be more antisocial, and then call me in ten years, tell me how it goes. What?

1:03:54 Drew It won't be pretty.

1:03:55 Adam See how it goes, everybody. Are you serious? Yeah. I'd like you to get another aggressive piercing, have a little worse attitude and wear a little more black, and just make sure your arms are crossed at all times, and you're constantly rolling your eyes anytime anyone's talking, and then just tell me, call me in ten years, tell me how it goes.

1:04:15 Drew Take a little Vicodin tonight, take some codeine, smoke a little heroin. I do think she's in trouble. She has a weak, a little beginnings of a gene there, too.

1:04:23 Adam All right, so listen, why don't you, where are you living now?

1:04:27 Drew Me?

1:04:29 Adam No, true, where are you at? Still on Pasadena?

1:04:31 Drew Yeah, Pasadena.

1:04:32 Adam Chris, still at mom's house?

1:04:34 Drew You're still at the mom's house?

1:04:35 Adam Shocking. All right, go ahead, Nikki. Yeah, where are you living?

1:04:41 Caller I'm living with my boyfriend right now. I've been with him for two months, and I really don't want to be here.

1:04:48 Adam You don't want to be what?

1:04:50 Caller I don't want to be living with him. He has this spot that he has to take care of me now, and I don't want that because he's in college, and he's working all the time, and I don't want to be invading on his life.

1:05:00 Adam Well, you have no choice because you're not going to conform, so you can't move home. You've got to live with your boyfriend.

1:05:11 Caller I don't have to. No, I can go back to California, but the problem is he loves me.

1:05:15 Adam Please, please don't come to California for the love of Christ. Because it's nothing but pains in the ass who won't turn right when they can turn right. That's all California is. Please, for the love of Christ, can we get some sort of PSA going that lets people turn? Can people just please turn? Just turn right. I would love to find out how many cities it's legal in. No, I'm not talking about left.

1:05:43 Drew No, no, he means right. People don't turn right.

1:05:45 Adam People don't turn right on red signals because it's illegal in whatever part of the country they're from. Yeah. You know, the other one I'm starting. Get on the internet, Chris.

1:05:58 Drew And look at what?

1:06:00 Adam We need to find out, and I don't know how you can find this out, but how many states it's illegal to turn right on a red.

1:06:08 Drew Okay.

1:06:09 Adam Because I would guess.

1:06:11 Drew Not that many anymore, I don't think.

1:06:12 Adam I know New York is that way, and most states that everyone comes from is that way. Here's the other thing that's driving me absolutely berserk now. It's my new freak out on the road, which is people driving significantly slower uphill than downhill. If you're going to get that every night, if you're going through the past, well, I'll tell you what I got now. If you're going through the past, so you're going through the Cuenca past, or you're going through Santa Monica, going up the 405, you know, going to the Sepulveda past there, people will go up the front side of it at 49, and down the back side at 71, which means their foot didn't move. And it's like, hello? The concept of just marginal manipulation of the accelerator based on a few things, like whether you're actually going up a grade, or, you know, conversely, you're going down a steep hill, you don't have to accelerate, are we so effing far out of it that that doesn't work?

1:07:18 Drew I mean, that- This is a move your ass issue.

1:07:21 Adam I swear to Christ going up the past, a good 22 miles an hour difference in going down. Now, don't get me wrong, I love the fact that everyone's exceeding the speed limit on the backside, although you get no credit for that because you just refuse to move your foot. You're just- You're going along the freeway, and if it's level, you're going 62, and if it gets steep, you slow down to 49, and then if it goes down, well, you're up to 71. Really? No, no, no, no concept at all about seeing the lit up, the well lit dial with the big arrow in it and the numbers on it and the red one at 55. No, no, and by the way, the way cars are set up today with the amount of power and the efficiency and all, it's just- You know what you have to do? You have to take the ball of your right foot and you have to put it down another 3 16ths of an inch in order to compensate for that. You must be aware. You must be aware.

1:08:16 Drew Your brain must be awakened.

1:08:17 Adam This is how I know everybody is just sleeping retarded zombies, not regular zombies, retarded. If you took retarded people, you killed them and they came back. They came back. The retarded undead. Not unretarded, but undead. This is who's driving in Los Angeles. And so now I got a new office. It's down in Hollywood a little bit. And I got to go up Vine every day.

1:08:45 Drew It's a big hill.

1:08:46 Adam And Vine starts slope, you know, starts a slow grade up from, you know, down on Santa Monica or something. It starts going and then eventually starts getting steep. But as I come home every night at 530, there'll be two cars. What is this too, by the way, where you're sort of...

1:09:01 Drew Pandem stuff.

1:09:02 Adam Yeah, you, you, you, you...

1:09:05 Drew Are they on the same race team or something?

1:09:06 Adam Yeah, you think you're doing a rolling start at Indy? You waiting for the pace car to pull off? I mean, it's crazy. You think some guy in a white sport coat is gonna drop the green flag? What are you looking for? That's everything. So it's two people, they're going up Vine, they're both going like 27 miles an hour, because the uphill grade, it's a marginal uphill grade.

1:09:27 Drew It gets pretty steep there at the top. And it's blind at the top.

1:09:30 Adam Well, at the top...

1:09:31 Drew It's a little weird at the top, yeah.

1:09:32 Adam At the top, they stop. But going up just between like Hollywood and Sunset, it's a marginal grade. Therefore, instead of going 35, they're at like 27, 28. And it's just two of them, and they're riding right next to each other. And of course, I'm looking ahead, because I drive eight cars ahead. And I'm looking at the signal, and I'm seeing the Don't Walk thing flying. I'm like, now I'm weaving, I'm dicing in and out behind them. Like, is one of you A-holes? Is one of you pussies? Is anyone gonna make a move? How about one of you A-holes drop down to 18 miles an hour so we can create a little hole that, I wanna make the signal.

1:10:07 Drew You know what I mean? You know?

1:10:08 Adam And then, uh-oh. And then here comes, and by the, no concept of where they are. Nope, nope, oh, we're coming up to the signal. Oh, we're a hundred feet away. We're going 27 miles an hour. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, well, we're not gonna, oh. You're not gonna make it either. Really, you two tards have to sit right next to each other?

1:10:28 Drew My sense is in Hollywood, more than almost any other town, part of this town, people aren't about, no, no, sir, there'll be none of that getting past me. Pure. Who do you think you are, Mario Andretti?

1:10:39 Adam Unadulterated puss. We got to the signal, I honked the horn and the chick was like, what's up? And I was like, I just gave her the finger, not the middle finger, I gave her the drive, bitch. Just drive.

1:10:51 Drew From behind you to the? From behind or beside?

1:10:53 Adam Yeah, I just said you drive. You can't sit next to your other partner and puss and go 26 miles an hour all over the place. What is it? Here's what I keep thinking, don't you want to get to wherever you're going? Where are you going? You driving yourself to the chair?

1:11:09 Drew What's the point? Why do you care when there is somebody who does need to get where they're going?

1:11:13 Oh, that's it.

1:11:14 Drew Why aren't you interested in letting them go?

1:11:16 Adam I don't even think they know, they don't even see what's behind them. And by the way, are they supposed to look in their rear view that can barely see the spedometer when they've slowed down to well under the speed limit? Here's all I'm saying. Let's start handing out tickets in this city. Start handing it out. All we ever talk about is, oh, we got to build another freeway, then we need a monorail. How about we get people moving? How about we kick a little ass? Yeah. How about people shake their ass a little bit? Can we get them moving? How about a little campaign? Yeah. Oh, no. Slow it down. Slow it down, everybody. Yeah, highway patrol says slow it down. It's dangerous. Speed kills. Yeah, slow it down. Everyone slow down. And by the way, slow down. Airplane slows down, falls out of the sky. Think about that. Slow it down. Everyone slow down. Just slow it down. All right. I've loved to find the fastest driving. See, it's gotta be New York. It's gotta be New York. It's gotta be Manhattan.

1:12:12 Drew Fastest?

1:12:13 Adam Fastest driving. Fastest driving city. And this is why I blame the cops in this crappy count of ours. Because New York, they go and they race and everyone leaves them alone.

1:12:25 Drew Do you ever see accidents in New York?

1:12:26 Adam No, just people hauling ass. That's all. Everyone's in a hurry. All right. Find that, Chris. I'm going to do some work. Take a quick break. Be right back.

1:12:36 Caller Love Line.

1:12:37 Adam We'll be right back.

1:12:49 Caller Here, buddy.

1:12:50 Adam Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, for number 1-800-ALOVIGI-191. Drew is on the internet.

1:12:57 Drew By the way, I'm still looking for people for this Discovery Health Channel project. Women who are afraid of anal sex, women who are afraid of having sex while pregnant, see for fear of what it will do to the baby, and other specific sexual phobias, if they're willing to talk about that on camera. So yeah, look at the internet, and it turns out throughout the United States, it's okay to turn right on red.

1:13:16 Adam Yes, except for New York City.

1:13:18 Drew Except for New York City.

1:13:19 Adam Which is strange, because they're the fastest moving of all the cities.

1:13:23 Drew I think that makes, it kind of makes sense to me, because people would not-

1:13:25 Adam They move so fast.

1:13:26 Drew Yes. They would not notice that, yeah.

1:13:28 Adam People get T-boned left and right. All right, do you hear that? Dear, dear, good pussy citizens of Los Angeles.

1:13:33 Drew But that means that people are even more out of it here than you thought.

1:13:36 Adam Just turned.

1:13:36 Drew They're just plain old out of it.

1:13:37 Adam Just turned.

1:13:38 Drew They just see red, and they stop.

1:13:40 Adam There's nothing worse, by the way. You're just sitting there, and there's nothing, and I honk, and people are, and my whole thing is, I honk at the car who's not honking now. I honk. I get this all the time. I honk because the guy in front of the guy who's in front of me is not, and I get the guy who's in front of me, he gives me that, what do you want me to do?

1:14:00 Drew Yeah.

1:14:00 Adam Hey, hey, senior pussy, honk. The guy's not turning, honk. And everyone's like, oh, it's so rude. Oh, it's rude that I'm honking or it's rude that I'm going to be late to work because you're not driving.

1:14:13 Drew You're not paying attention.

1:14:14 Adam Yeah.

1:14:15 Drew What else aren't you paying attention to? That's what I think.

1:14:17 Adam Listen, please, everyone, please, please, if I can do anything, if I can make any difference at all in this society, please ignore those red arrows. Please join me. Join me. You understand? I'm Martin Luther King. I'm Gandhi. I'm Harriet Tubman.

1:14:34 All in one.

1:14:35 Adam One four-wheeled crusader. I drive through every single one of them. Please do not think I'm exaggerating. If your light is green and you get that red arrow, which should not exist and there's no traffic coming, turn left. Ignore it and turn left. I do it every single time. And thank Christ, I've been doing it for now about three years. Done 2,700 times. Never got a ticket. Cops won't give you a ticket unless they're behind you because they don't know where you are. It doesn't look bad. It doesn't show up on the radar. Yeah, just do it. Please, everyone, please do it. Please. Would you please join me in this? Please. Drew, do you do it?

1:15:18 Drew You do. Again, I was just telling you, Pasadena, it's all yield on green. That's close to where I'm driving.

1:15:24 Adam You drive outside of Pasadena. Do you do it when you're outside of Pasadena?

1:15:28 Drew I would if I, I just, I don't come across green. Yes, I will.

1:15:31 Adam Oh, you don't do it. Oh, what a puss.

1:15:33 Drew I just can't think of what I've done.

1:15:34 Adam You don't do it. You don't do it. It's all over. By the way, it's all over here. It's all over Culver City. You don't do it. Yeah.

1:15:43 Drew The only arrow I get is this one out here. It's not a green arrow.

1:15:46 Adam Suckle at your mom's teat. Grace?

1:15:51 Yes.

1:15:52 Adam You're 20?

1:15:54 Caller Yes.

1:15:54 Adam What's up?

1:15:57 Drew But you, but yeah, it's sort of an out of it-ness. I can't think of what I've done. But I'm not sure I would be aware. You know what I mean?

1:16:02 Adam Please just do it.

1:16:03 Drew Yeah. It's a little bit of the drone mentality I've got.

1:16:06 Adam You got to go drive through Burbank. Yeah. I hit three in a row when I go through there. Go ahead, Grace.

1:16:11 Caller Okay. Well, last Tuesday, this guy asked me to be his boyfriend and I was really excited because he's a really nice guy and I've had a horrible, horrible, horrible relationship problems in the past and I thought this would be a nice start.

1:16:30 Drew What do you mean? What's been the problem in the past?

1:16:33 Caller About this time last year, I dated a con artist.

1:16:38 Adam Really?

1:16:40 Caller Yeah.

1:16:40 Adam Refreshing these days. Usually, it's just pedophiles, filed criminals. Yeah. People that abuse the elderly. But con artists are sort of refreshing.

1:16:51 Caller It wasn't refreshing to me.

1:16:54 Adam Was he a master of disguise or anything good like that?

1:16:57 Caller He just made up this huge lie about who he was and where he came from and stole $500 from me.

1:17:06 Adam It's just kind of a sociopath.

1:17:07 Drew Yeah, just flat out sociopath.

1:17:10 Adam How did he steal the $500 from you?

1:17:12 Caller He asked to borrow it and then never paid it back. I'm a college student, so I didn't have any money and I couldn't pay my rent and it was horrible and a lot of repercussions from the people I was living with.

1:17:29 Adam You've had difficulties in relationships.

1:17:32 Caller Yes.

1:17:33 Adam You're a big gal?

1:17:34 Caller No, not at all.

1:17:36 Adam Not at all?

1:17:37 Caller No.

1:17:38 Adam You must have bad teeth then.

1:17:40 Caller I have nice teeth.

1:17:42 Adam What's going on with you? Is your self-esteem, was it lowered by your parents? Did they tell you you were ugly or stupid or something?

1:17:50 Caller Occasionally, my mom tells me I need to lose weight, but I'm not really fat and whatever.

1:17:57 Adam Well, what do you weigh?

1:18:00 Caller Yeah. All right.

1:18:01 Adam What's she harping on?

1:18:03 Caller All right.

1:18:03 Adam You have trouble in the men department, and now what's the problem?

1:18:07 Caller Well, so the guy asked me to be his girlfriend, and he's a really nice guy. That night he kissed me. It was last Tuesday. Since then, nothing really has happened. I saw him today, but he sat on the opposite side of the room. It's just kind of awkward because I feel like I'm doing something wrong and he's so really nice.

1:18:32 Adam Is he a shy guy?

1:18:34 Caller I don't know. He's really kind of religious, so I don't know if that plays into it.

1:18:40 Adam Are you a virgin?

1:18:42 Caller No.

1:18:44 Adam Who did you have sex with?

1:18:47 Caller A couple people.

1:18:52 Drew All right.

1:18:53 Adam And he asked you to be his girlfriend.

1:18:56 Caller Uh-huh.

1:18:57 Adam Okay. Well, here's the thing. If we were in the room with Grace, even though she's a 20-year-old college student, I think I'd be using Dolly's so she could illustrate her story.

1:19:05 Drew Right. She seems very immature.

1:19:06 Adam Like a little Dolly. Now, point to the Dolly where he touched you. That's right. Oh.

1:19:12 Drew One Dolly said to the other Dolly.

1:19:15 Adam Grace. Yes. Okay.

1:19:17 Drew Yeah.

1:19:17 Adam You sound very immature. In a sort of pleasant way for a 20-year-old.

1:19:22 Caller I don't consider myself immature. I consider myself pretty mature. I just, I feel like I've been dumbed down by these past relationship experiences.

1:19:30 Drew How many times have you had a bad relationship?

1:19:34 Caller Four.

1:19:35 Drew Oh my God. Four in each minute. They've all been sociopaths.

1:19:38 Caller There were long-term relationships that just went awry and I felt responsible. And then, one, I was dating this guy. He told me that I was a female and only two-fifths of a person and didn't deserve to, he didn't have to listen to my opinions or anything.

1:19:56 Adam Oh really? Wouldn't even stuff up to half a person.

1:19:59 Drew How's your dad?

1:20:01 Caller My dad's a really nice guy. He and I get along really well.

1:20:04 Drew He's your biological father?

1:20:06 Caller Yes, he's my biological father.

1:20:09 Adam She's just sort of naive. Look, Grace, talk to the guy, tell him, go on a date.

1:20:15 Drew Why don't you date people, date lots of people, and don't have a boyfriend for a while, and get used to figuring out who you are in a relationship, and who guys are, and how to assess them, and who you really want to be with, and what a good guy is and a not a good guy. You like talking to somebody like an anthropologist from another world. You can't assess, and everything's mysterious to you. Get it going here. Come on, break it down.

1:20:37 Adam Yeah, let's go. Get it on now.

1:20:40 Drew And I wouldn't necessarily make this guy your boyfriend. Just because he wants to be the boyfriend doesn't mean he has to be. Something's weird about him. Date him. Fine. Figure it out. But date other guys too.

1:20:48 Adam All right. Now I just want to give a quick correction. I refer to rape bank as Burbank.

1:20:54 Drew Oh yeah. I beg your pardon. It's rape bank. We translated. Yeah.

1:20:59 Adam They rape their citizens for chicken ass, jaywalking tickets and parking violations and stuff like that. It's unfair to call them Burbank.

1:21:08 Drew Sorry.

1:21:08 Adam I apologize. I want to apologize to the poor victims who live in rape bank, by the way. I don't call them citizens. They're victims.

1:21:17 Drew I was at the rape bank airport through the day.

1:21:20 Adam Oh, you were?

1:21:20 Drew Yes, yes. Welcome to rape bank, it says right there.

1:21:23 Adam Picture Johnny Carson and Jay Leno. Welcome to rape bank.

1:21:27 Drew Enjoy.

1:21:28 Adam Now enjoy. Yeah. Yep. Come for the food and stay for the jaywalking tickets.

1:21:39 Caller Yeah.

1:21:40 Adam You're 17?

1:21:41 Caller Oh, am I on? Yeah. Oh, awesome. Adam, you're like the funniest dude on earth and Dr. Drew, you're the man.

1:21:50 Adam Thanks, Beavis. What's up?

1:21:57 Caller All right. I was outside, like, taking a leak out of my house. Well, I was hanging out with my buddies, you know, it was kind of late and I had to go take a leak. So I like stepped off to the side, right? And it was out by the road and it was late, you know, I didn't expect, but his car came and I like, you know, ducked behind the tree and it like pulled something in my groin and like every night and it felt like someone was stabbing me like down there with a knife. Like where? Like straight up in my urethra or something.

1:22:24 Drew Okay, right, yeah. Good times. And your question?

1:22:32 Caller And it's like every now and then when I take a leak now, that pain comes back and it's like, I mean, it like makes me about fall down right there.

1:22:41 Drew Yeah, how long ago did this initially happen? The first time.

1:22:46 Caller About a week and a half ago.

1:22:47 Drew Yeah, this thing's probably gonna go away by itself. It's not your groin.

1:22:50 Caller What happened?

1:22:51 Drew You just, he just, they get a spasm of the urethral musculature.

1:22:54 Adam Because you stopped?

1:22:56 Drew Yeah, stopping midstream.

1:22:57 Adam Is that what happened? So you interrupted your stream of urine and you pulled something in there?

1:23:04 Drew It's not really a pulling, it's just sort of a...

1:23:06 Caller Well, you know, I was back in front of my car and I just jumped pretty quick.

1:23:10 Drew It's an irritation.

1:23:10 Adam Yeah, but did you stop urinating?

1:23:13 Caller For a split second.

1:23:16 Adam Yeah, Drew, do you think you could stop on your own if you got going?

1:23:19 Drew Yeah.

1:23:20 Adam You could?

1:23:20 Caller Yeah.

1:23:22 Caller Hmm.

1:23:23 Drew Well, you guys used to brew, you'd put...

1:23:25 Adam Yeah, you'd have to use your hand, yeah.

1:23:26 Drew Oh, you wouldn't actually use your pelvic musculature, you'd just use your finger before squirting the urine?

1:23:32 Caller Yeah, yeah, sure.

1:23:33 Adam That's the way everyone does it.

1:23:35 Drew I imagine, yes.

1:23:36 Adam Yeah, listen, kids, you can spray urine 14, 15 feet.

1:23:41 Drew Especially the very talented.

1:23:43 Adam Oh, some people are gifted, yeah, like my buddy Chris. Yeah, look out, they'll get you. You can't hide. No, you cannot hide. No, that's... I don't think anyone does it.

1:23:54 Drew But that's the same, you can irritate that same area by what you guys used to do. I bet once in a while you guys would get some pain with that.

1:24:00 Adam Nope, but here's the thing, so you can urinate and you can stop on your own and then start up again. And how long before you stop? I mean, can you just cut it off, pal?

1:24:13 Drew No, it's a little bit of a...

1:24:14 Adam You got a little thing of that? All right, you want to go try that out?

1:24:16 Drew Right now?

1:24:17 Adam Yeah, I'd like to try that out.

1:24:18 Drew Let's do it. I got to be pretty good here.

1:24:21 Adam I could go too. Let's go. All right, I'm going to do that. We're going to test this out. We'll be right back after this. Loveline.

1:24:29 Caller Okay, wait, wait.

1:24:31 Caller My hair, my hair.

1:24:32 Adam We'll be right back. Hey, everybody. Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Well, we just tested our urine, and I discovered new talent. Drew was fine. I could hear him from the stall, like a nice steady stream going, and all of a sudden it cuts off. He's like, stopped it. Then I hear the stream going, stop again.

1:25:05 Drew There you go.

1:25:05 Adam Did it about four or five times.

1:25:08 Drew No problem.

1:25:08 Adam Nice job. Full tank too.

1:25:09 Drew Well done.

1:25:10 Adam Yeah. I just had about a quarter of tanks. It was kind of tough. It wasn't fair to compare. Drew and I take the long walk to the bathroom during the break, every time we take one of our four-minute breaks. Drew, I notice now he's got something going on. He's coughing and sneezing. He always walks ahead of me and he always likes to cough and sneeze ahead of me. The thing I find incredibly ironic about Dr. Drew being a doctor is he refuses to put his hand in front of his face.

1:25:40 Drew If I actually had something you could catch, I would, of course, do that.

1:25:45 Adam Let's just say the atomized snot on my trouser leg. It's good for you. Even that's more like... And then when you're walking behind, when you're about two steps behind somebody and you're sort of making time down a hallway, when they let a nice big sneeze go and they don't even begin to put their hand even close to your face, you can just sort of walk through their cloud of snot as you make to the bathroom and then Drew starts coughing and they start sneezing again. Drew, here's the other thing. I grew up like a possum.

1:26:16 Drew How many illnesses have you caught from me?

1:26:18 Adam I don't care.

1:26:18 Drew Any? Ever?

1:26:19 Adam Listen, who knows? Everything I've ever gotten, every cavity I've ever gotten, every shit I've ever gotten is for me as far as I'm concerned. Number two, I grew up raised by stupid hillbillies and I still put my hand in front of my nose when I sneeze just so I don't blast it all over the place. Drew, who I've talked to him about eight times about this, just can't do it. And I just think it's bizarre. It's almost like it's impulsive to most people to put their hand. I mean, people will be sitting alone on their sofa and sneeze and the hand will come up almost reflexively. You know what I'm saying? How can you just walk next to somebody with their hands by their side and just sneeze that way? It's bizarre. You see, here's the thing. You're well-mannered and you're a doctor. Forget about the doctor part, but just the whole part, just the well-mannered part, would make people put their hands up. It's like when they cough, they put their hands up and they... Yeah? Nothing.

1:27:20 Drew No, it's not nothing. I do that most of the time.

1:27:23 Adam Most of the time?

1:27:24 Drew Most of the time. Sometimes.

1:27:25 Adam Really? Sometimes.

1:27:26 Drew Sometimes. Cough is what sneaks up on me. I don't realize it. It just poof, comes.

1:27:30 Adam Let me shoot holes in your most of the time stuff. This stuff, it's like when somebody tells you, hey, I smoke a cigarette or two a day and I'll take a Vicodin, but only one. You never believe them. Because you think, look, either you do it or you don't. And that's my thing with the sneezing. If your hand goes up, your hand goes up. That's the kind of person you are. Or your hand doesn't go up. But it's not a catch-is-catch-can with the hand going in front of your face. I've seen you sneeze 400 times. I've never seen a hand go up.

1:28:00 Drew Well, I'll sneeze away before I put my hand up.

1:28:01 Adam Yeah, you'll sneeze away.

1:28:03 Drew Yeah, you do sneeze away. The way things are transmitted is on your hands. Well, that's how you transmit stuff.

1:28:07 Adam The same in a petting zoo, mister. You do do the turn away. Yeah. I'll give you that. I should be grateful for that.

1:28:12 Drew Yeah.

1:28:13 Adam You're just walking down the hall. I bet the hand goes up. All right.

1:28:15 Drew That's how it's transmitted. Then you're going to see what you get. What do my fidgety hands get on your stuff?

1:28:21 Adam I don't touch you. Just put your hand in front of you. Then wash your hands then if you must.

1:28:27 Drew That's a better advice.

1:28:28 Adam You're standing by. You're just a lawn, a rain bird of snot. It's just the walk behind you and you just explode like an M-80 going down the hall. That's right. Stands by it. All right. Fantastic. Nicole?

1:28:44 Caller Yes.

1:28:44 Caller Fine.

1:28:46 Caller Okay.

1:28:47 Caller We want to know, my friend and I, we want to know if you can contract herpes if you're in the same jacuzzi as somebody else, that definitely I know has herpes.

1:28:55 Adam No.

1:28:56 Drew Definitely not.

1:28:57 Caller Oh, thank God.

1:28:58 Drew You could get it. I'll tell you what you could do. If that person had active lesions and sat in a pool of water on the side of the pool and then you very quickly sat directly on that same spot, that's a possible way you could get it.

1:29:13 Adam Even that probably better sharing a towel.

1:29:16 Drew Sharing a towel, also a wet towel if they wipe their lesion on the towel.

1:29:22 Caller I'll wipe myself all over everywhere.

1:29:24 Caller I'll have to go over that. I just want to have a good time drinking this jacuzzi.

1:29:29 Drew People have herpes.

1:29:30 Caller I get herpes.

1:29:32 Drew Twenty-four?

1:29:33 Adam Yeah.

1:29:33 Caller Twenty-four, yeah, I'm sorry.

1:29:34 Adam Yeah. Good time. Hey, enjoy the party while it lasts.

1:29:39 Caller Thank you very much.

1:29:40 Caller Thank you guys.

1:29:41 Adam Yeah, hold on. Hold on. This is a girl, right?

1:29:45 Caller Yes, this is a girl.

1:29:46 Adam I knew it was a girl, by the way, because there's a sort of girl on girl attack.

1:29:50 Caller Oh, no.

1:29:50 Caller Why do you say that?

1:29:51 Caller Dude, everybody says that.

1:29:53 Adam Because you guys, here's what you do. You all hang out, you claim to be best friends, and then you snipe at each other.

1:29:59 Drew We're ganging up on this girl. You're talking about her as though she was some sort of a...

1:30:04 Adam Pariah.

1:30:04 Drew Pariah. She's like she's infectious. She's going to get us and we can shun her. We can successfully all shun her for this condition she has.

1:30:12 Caller Yeah. If I'm going to go that way, I'm going to need a hotter chicken this year. I need someone with big old...

1:30:20 Adam Well, what do you got upstairs?

1:30:22 Caller I got a C, dude. I need some... I got to get a sunsprain, if I'm going to go that way.

1:30:29 Drew Orange Coast College?

1:30:30 Adam Where are you going?

1:30:31 Drew OCC?

1:30:32 Caller No, no, no. I go to Cal State Fullerton.

1:30:35 Adam All right.

1:30:36 Caller All right.

1:30:37 Adam And who are you guys with, dude? Do you like to party?

1:30:40 Caller I like to party, yeah. I'm out of bar right now. We've been trying to get through for so long. We kept talking to your screen.

1:30:46 Adam Were you guys all naked in the jacuzzi together?

1:30:49 Caller No, no, no. We haven't done this yet. It's tomorrow and I just didn't have the heart to say, Neil, I can't go into the follow-through because you got her...

1:30:56 Drew How do you know she's got herpes? How do you know she's got that?

1:30:59 Caller She told me. She told me. She's a close friend of mine. She got a jacuzzi so I'm like, yeah, let's party. And then my brother and my friend's boyfriend is saying we'll contract it.

1:31:11 Drew No, no. I'll see her in about 12 years at the hospital.

1:31:15 Adam Herpes and small boobs.

1:31:17 Drew Sounds great.

1:31:19 Adam Who are you getting in the jacuzzi with, her and who else?

1:31:22 Caller My friend Michelle.

1:31:24 Adam Oh, all three of you. Oh, Michelle's going to be in there?

1:31:26 Caller She's going to get high and we're going to drink a lot too.

1:31:28 Adam You guys all going to be naked?

1:31:30 Caller I don't know if it goes that way, but...

1:31:33 Adam Yeah. And do you think you guys are going to do a little experimentation sexually?

1:31:37 Caller I don't think so. I'm not really up for it. I close the shop, you know.

1:31:42 Adam All right, then.

1:31:42 Caller Close the shop.

1:31:44 Adam Yeah. By the way, it don't take more than a credit card and a little Jimmy on the door to get into that shop. It's open for business again. That ain't the kind of shop that has the metal folding screen and the padlock on it. Now, that's the big thing you pull down. The big pull down metal door? No, no, no. That shop, just an old shop. It doesn't even have a deadbolt. It just has the privacy lock. Just get in. You just, Jimmy, just shake it around a little bit.

1:32:11 Drew The scissor.

1:32:11 Adam Yeah, I remember when your sister would lock herself in the bathroom, it didn't take much anything just to get in there. That's what it would take to get into that shop, dude. Dude. Yeah, that is hot. You know, I don't know why I was thinking about being nude in a jacuzzi, but here's the thing. Somebody pointed this out to me. I think it was during my bachelor party. It's weird if, like, if a guy gets a jacuzzi and he puts his trunks on, he gets in a jacuzzi and then a bunch of other guys pile in jacuzzi, but they're just nude, like, just not gay nude, just nude nude, you know, dude nude, not gay nude, nude. You know what I mean?

1:32:47 Drew Whatever.

1:32:47 Adam Yeah, just, you know, guys comfortable, whatever. Now the guy who's in his shorts is kind of weird because he's wearing swim trunks and everyone else is, you know, free balling. So but it becomes super weird for him to now take his trunks off once he's in there with his trunks on. Super weird, right?

1:33:04 Drew Yes.

1:33:05 Adam Why is that so like weird, creepy?

1:33:07 Drew It's like you're not supposed to notice other people are nude when you're a bunch of guys.

1:33:09 Adam Right.

1:33:10 Drew Not supposed to know the other side. Right. You're not supposed to be up tight either way. So you're making an statement by taking it off.

1:33:15 Adam Now you're in your trunk and you're taking them off.

1:33:16 Drew And you're disrobing in front of your friends.

1:33:19 Adam Who are nude? It's weird. Who are nude? All right, we'll work this out after this. Well, that's it, everybody. We'll take ourselves a little break. Efrain Ramirez is going to be in here tomorrow night from Napoleon Dynamite.

1:34:00 Drew Hispanic kid that tries to get elected class president.

1:34:03 Adam Awesome movie.

1:34:04 Drew Pedro, yeah.

1:34:05 Adam Awesome actor. We'll take a extendo break. Until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo.

1:34:19 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show . Ace, Ace, Ace, Ace, Ace, Ace, Ace. GIO. Get It On. Entertainment.

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Sunday, February 6, 2005