Episode 1000677895945

1:02 Adam Hey, everybody, it's the best of Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla, that's Dr. Drew. Hopefully neither one of us are here because it's the best of. And we're all winners when we do the best of. We get to stay home. For me, I get to stare at the TiVo and get drunk. For Drew, he gets to follow his kids around and live his life vicariously through the eyes of three young beautiful triplets. So in you guys get the best of Loveline. So without any further ado, here it is. The best of Loveline.

1:41 Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, whoo, oh yeah, yeah.

1:51 Adam Weather and sports coming up out of the eye. I'll drop Dr. Drew, I'll do it, I'll do it.

1:56 I will drop Dr. Drew. Watch out, don't tap them, he will do it.

2:00 Be careful, guys, wow. Don't make me drop Dr. Drew.

2:05 Adam Drop Dr. Drew, I'll tell you, I can tell you how I dropped Dr. Drew, but I have to kill you.

2:12 I mean, literally.

2:15 Adam 31, 31 after 8, 29 away from the top. Traffic and weather coming up.

2:20 Look out for brake lights.

2:20 Adam Look out for the batteries in the lanes. Weather traffic coming up, traffic and weather coming up, traffic and weather coming up, then you die. That's going to be the name of my book.

2:33 Drew Traffic and weather, then you die?

2:36 Adam Traffic and weather at the top of the hour, at the top of the hour, at the top of the hour, and then you die. That's basically life. Just sitting around for the top of the hour. Trouble in the Middle East. Oh, hold on. Let me get my scratch pad. What was that he said? Trouble. Something is broken out in that garden, that garden part of the world. I can't believe there's trouble in the Middle East. Shocking. Shocking. Unbelievable. Can't be the people. Cannot be the people. Must be the soil. Soil? It can't be the people. It's got to be the air.

3:19 Drew No, it's got to be the history of colonial domination.

3:24 Adam That's right. Demand. I forgot about demand.

3:26 Yeah, we imposed that.

3:27 Adam That's right. Bill? Yeah. Trouble in the Middle East.

3:32 Oh, yeah.

3:33 Adam Trag weather coming up top of the hour.

3:35 Seventy-one degrees.

3:36 Adam That's right. Seventy-one coming in. What's up there, buddy boy? We have a one-inch penis.

3:43 When it's small, yeah.

3:45 Adam When it's limp, when it gets a wreck, what's it go to?

3:48 About four. Yeah, yeah.

3:53 Remember those chicks?

3:54 Adam God, did I hate them. I don't even remember their names anymore. Those twins.

3:58 Drew Yeah. What were they doing here?

4:00 Adam I don't know, but I was yelling at them to get out of the studio. I don't remember that.

4:03 Drew I remember they dated the Hansons or something.

4:06 Adam Yeah, they were guests on the show and they were so goddamn obnoxious. I was actually yelling at them to leave at a certain point.

4:12 All right.

4:13 Adam So one-inch penis, but now it says here 5'9, you're 2'30.

4:17 Caller Yeah, I've been going to the gym and working out and getting in shape so I can join the Navy, but I've dropped 13 pounds in the last month.

4:24 Adam That's good.

4:25 What do you eat?

4:26 Adam Because we talked a lot of people who, even with all the diet and all that Atkins stuff and stuff, and it's like, you're on a diet, oh yeah, what do you eat? I'm eating right, get up every morning, have myself a big bowl of oatmeal and a couple of bowls of special cane, half a sack of toast and a baguette.

4:48 Drew Peanut butter.

4:49 Adam Some peanut butter, well actually I take the peanut butter and I roll it in two scoops of white flour, and I wash it down with some Ovaltine and then half a grapefruit, I'm on the road. It's like, yeah, I mean, Bill?

5:03 Drew Yeah. What do you eat?

5:05 Adam Let's go through your diet.

5:06 Drew By the way, before you continue, I was in Cincinnati, middle of the country and I was invited to come have a dinner with some of the kids at the school, so the school presented the meal.

5:14 Adam Casserole?

5:16 Drew It might as well have been.

5:17 Adam It was Miracle Whip and egg noodles.

5:19 Drew Large, large sort of macaroni noodles, a plate filled with them in a heavy cream mayonnaise based sauce with a couple of springs of cooked spinach on top and then goat cheese, just big hunks of goat cheese on top. What do people think of that? It was like fettuccine alfredo with goat cheese and that little green, little green, I think. It was like, oh my God, and then a huge piece of cake. I thought, I can't eat this.

5:46 Adam Bill? Yeah. I've seen you eat worse. What do you mean? You go to the venting machine and get a thing of those miniature hostess donuts twice a week. What are you talking about? Donuts don't count. Bill? Yeah. All right, let's talk about your diet. What do you eat for breakfast?

6:01 Caller Nothin. I don't get up early enough to have breakfast, so.

6:04 Adam Smart.

6:05 Drew What's the first thing you eat in the day?

6:07 Caller Probably.

6:08 Adam By the way, whatever you eat first is your breakfast. I don't care if it's four in the afternoon.

6:15 Caller Yeah.

6:16 Drew What's the first thing you eat in the day?

6:19 Adam I just love on the show that takes 20 minutes to figure out what the person eats after they wake up. Oh, yeah. No, I don't. Well, I wake up about 8.45 in the evening and eat chili.

6:34 Drew All right.

6:36 Adam Eat chili and a baked potato at 8.45, and then eat lunch at 11.30 in the evening, and then eat dinner about 4 a.m. Bill, what time do you go to bed at night?

6:50 About 2 o'clock in the morning.

6:52 Adam 2 in the morning. What time do you get up in the morning?

6:56 Caller About 1 o'clock.

6:58 Drew In the afternoon, you sleep 11 hours a night?

7:00 Best Of Yeah.

7:01 Drew That's not going to work in the Navy.

7:03 Adam No, you got to be up by noon in the Navy.

7:05 Best Of Oh, yeah.

7:06 Adam You ever hear that thing? They get more done by 12.30, or something like that. I remember, by the way, I remember seeing that ad campaign came out right when I was out of high school and cleaning carpets and going nowhere, and I was thinking, I'll join like the Coast Guard Reserve or the Navy or the Army or something like, we get more done by 6 a.m. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. Did you say 6 a.m.?

7:29 Yeah.

7:30 Adam My first impulse was, what are we doing, pulling all-nighters?

7:34 What?

7:34 Adam You get up at five? Are you high? No, no.

7:37 Drew This will never do. All right.

7:39 Adam So, Bill, you get up at one. That means you're depressed.

7:43 A little bit.

7:44 Adam All right. All right, buddy. What's going on? You still living at home?

7:47 Caller I don't know.

7:47 Best Of I'm out. You're out.

7:49 Adam How are you supporting yourself?

7:51 Caller I got some roommates and just working at a little Cedars.

7:56 Adam You're delivering?

7:58 Caller I'm an assistant manager.

7:59 Adam Assistant manager. All right. I'm going to motivate you, brother. It wasn't so long ago. I was 19 and not so gainfully employed and had a bunch of roommates.

8:09 Drew We've got to get his weight down about 40 or 50 pounds. That'll help the penis. Yeah. With all the extra fat, your estrogen levels go way up.

8:16 Adam Right.

8:16 Caller I'm taking estrogen blockers right now, actually.

8:19 Drew Yeah. Well, it's not over the counter. Anything is going to happen.

8:22 Adam Are you getting that from the back of the porn mag or where do you get those?

8:27 Caller One of my roommates is a pharmaceutical representative or something like that and he has a whole bunch of those drugs.

8:34 Drew You're taking tamoxifen?

8:35 Caller I have no idea what it is. It's in Spanish.

8:38 Drew Why would you do that?

8:42 Caller He told me it would help with my chest area and all that stuff too.

8:47 Adam Okay, listen, you should take no medication that's listed in Spanish.

8:51 Drew Your roommate should be arrested. He's practicing medicine on a license.

8:55 Adam Yeah, you should barely be eating Mexican food. Forget about eating Mexican pharmaceuticals.

9:01 Well, no, it was his medication.

9:02 Caller He used to use it a lot and then he just didn't need it anymore and gave it to me.

9:06 Drew Was he on steroids?

9:08 Caller He just quit like a month ago.

9:10 Drew Yeah, well, he's taking gestion blockers because when you're on steroids, you produce extremely high levels of estrogen. You have to go to Comastia. Do not take that medicine, Bill. Jesus Christ.

9:20 Adam All right, listen, you. Listen, nonskull. Listen to me.

9:24 Drew Oh, my God.

9:25 Adam I'm a genius. And you're in Phoenix and you're a junior manager at a Caesars. Listen to me. I'm literally a millionaire.

9:35 Drew He's a carpa cleaner. Listen to him, please.

9:39 Adam First off, quit taking those pills. Secondly, you're going to wake up and this guy's going to be beating you with a fireplace poker because he's going to be in some sort of roid rage. Got to lock your door at night when you sleep.

9:50 Drew By the way, did you do roids?

9:52 Caller No.

9:53 Adam Okay, none of that. No easy, no easy, no shortcuts, no easy ways out. You understand? All right. Stay away from the cheesy breadsticks over at the Little Caesar. Stay away from anything they serve there.

10:04 I'll hire that anyway.

10:06 Adam We got to watch the S-word, Bill. Bill's a guy who means well, but he's a 40 watt bulb at best. He's got plans. There's nothing worse than stupid guys with plans.

10:19 Drew That's usually pot.

10:22 Adam He's not pot.

10:22 Drew No, he's not pot. That's usually that guy.

10:24 Adam When you're dumb, your plan should be to listen to smart people, not have your own plan. That's your plan. You know what your plan is?

10:30 Drew Listen to smart people.

10:31 Adam Other people's plans that are by nature going to be better than yours.

10:36 Drew The Navy is a great place for them to go then.

10:38 Adam Perfect plan. And Bill, I like you, buddy. Now, no more swearing on the air and let me turn your life around.

10:47 Drew Here we go.

10:48 Adam You, okay. Stop getting up at 1 o'clock. You're depressed. I go to bed at 2. I get up at like 9. You can do it. Set your alarm. Get up in the morning. Get up and do some exercise.

11:00 Caller I do. I go to the gym every day.

11:02 Adam I know.

11:03 Drew You go at 9 o'clock.

11:05 Adam You get up in the morning and go to the gym. You understand? Yeah. What time do you have to be in at work?

11:12 Caller 3 o'clock.

11:13 Adam 3 o'clock.

11:14 Drew Yeah. You need a day before you go to work.

11:16 Adam Right? You need to get up and do something and do some exercise. Don't eat any of that little Caesar stuff.

11:21 Drew To get some mixed nuts and you eat nuts for snacks. Don't eat anything with bread. That's right.

11:26 Adam And then just go join the Navy.

11:27 Drew Yogurt for breakfast.

11:28 Adam I don't care if you're Husky.

11:30 They'll take you.

11:32 Drew I'll break it down.

11:33 Adam All right. All right, buddy. Come on now.

11:36 All right.

11:38 Adam Well, it's like it like, I don't know. Now look, not everyone's going to be, you know, managing a Fortune 500 company.

11:47 Drew It's fine.

11:48 Adam Just don't kill anybody.

11:49 Drew Bill can do better.

11:50 Adam Yeah, but Bill's depressed and I hate that. And depression is the longer you sleep, the more you want to sleep, the more tired you are, the harder it is. It just, you get in this horrible spiral. All right. Let's talk to Mitch. I don't believe we've spoken to Mitch in like three years. Mitch?

12:07 Hello?

12:08 Adam 17?

12:09 Yeah.

12:10 Adam What's up?

12:12 Caller Me and my girlfriend are talking about maybe having anal sex. And I was wondering what could happen as a result of that.

12:21 Drew How long have you been with your girlfriend?

12:23 Caller Yeah.

12:23 Drew How long have you been with your girlfriend?

12:25 Caller About a year.

12:28 Drew A year. And how long have you been having sex with her?

12:32 Caller Six months.

12:33 Adam What's her birth date?

12:36 Caller November 21st.

12:38 Drew What's your birth date?

12:40 Caller May 2nd of 87.

12:44 Adam Right here. Where was she born?

12:46 Caller Of 87 too.

12:50 Adam Wow. People are born in 87. Talking about Cornolla. Wow.

12:55 Drew What were you doing in 87?

12:56 Adam Thinking about Cornolla. Still talking about it. Been a long 16.

13:04 Drew Mitch is contemplating. It's everything thinking about and contemplating.

13:08 Adam That's just something I never got around to.

13:09 Drew Yeah. Sure.

13:10 Adam I've been cornhole. But of course, I want to be on the business end of the penis. Hey, Mitch. Yeah. Does your girlfriend want to do this?

13:24 Caller We haven't really decided yet.

13:28 Drew Have you brought this up with her yet?

13:30 Yeah.

13:30 Best Of We've talked.

13:32 Drew And what does she say when you bring it up?

13:34 Caller She says if I want to try it once, then she's for it.

13:39 Drew But I thought you said that you weren't decided.

13:42 Yeah.

13:43 Adam All right.

13:43 Best Of We're trying.

13:45 Adam I can't talk to Mitch.

13:47 We?

13:49 Adam You're asking me a question, Drew.

13:51 Drew Have you talked to your girlfriend about this?

14:00 Caller What did she say about this when you brought it up? Wait, you gotta start with, you missed the real beat out of it.

14:09 Drew Other than the endless brawl.

14:29 Adam Just start sounding like one big noise to me. So how long have you been doing? How much you weigh, sweetheart? Are you using contraception right now? When did your dad start realizing? It just sounds like me. This is what's just white noise. I went to the sharper image. I got a machine that sounds like a teenager, she can't form sentences. It helps me go to sleep. All right. He wants to have anal with his girl.

15:18 Drew It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous at 17.

15:20 Adam Mitch. Yeah? Leave her alone. Okay. Leave her ass alone. You're fine. You're 17. You're lucky you're getting laid. And I'm not even sure if I believe this call.

15:29 Drew No, of course not. But if there are others contemplating, it's ridiculous.

15:32 Adam Plus, you're calling from Utah. If you got busted doing this, you'll be stoned to death. Hey, Mitch, you think about going to college?

15:44 Yeah. All right, buddy.

15:46 Caller Where are you going to go?

15:48 Bring me on.

15:50 Adam Bring him on.

15:50 Caller Down here.

15:51 Adam Junior?

15:52 Caller Yeah.

15:53 Adam No, buddy, forget about it. What are you good at?

15:57 Caller Auto mechanics.

15:58 All right.

15:58 Adam Let's focus on that. Don't waste your time. Don't waste your time. You go to trade school, right?

16:04 Yeah.

16:05 Adam What kind of cars you work on?

16:08 Caller I've got a 69 Chevy truck.

16:10 Adam Oh, you do?

16:11 Yeah.

16:12 Adam That's perfect. What do you got in there? 350?

16:15 Yep.

16:16 Adam All right, buddy. Got a Holley 750 four-barrel on there?

16:20 Best Of Yep.

16:22 Adam All right. Just checking.

16:24 Drew Four-barrel.

16:25 Adam I can see he's impressed, by the way. I've never checked your ride out.

16:29 Drew Four-barrel? I think.

16:33 Adam Mitch?

16:33 Caller Yeah.

16:35 Adam You got a Chevy 350 small block, right?

16:38 Caller Yep.

16:39 Adam You have a Holley 750 four-barrel carburetor?

16:43 Caller Um, yeah.

16:45 Adam You do?

16:47 Drew Ask him something about it.

16:51 Adam Mitch?

16:52 Caller Yeah.

16:53 Adam Do you have the Holley 750?

16:55 Yeah.

16:56 Adam You do?

16:57 Caller Yeah.

16:58 Drew What's the 750 referred to?

17:01 Caller Um, trying to think.

17:13 Drew I want to ask Mitch another question just to hear him say, um.

17:15 Adam I do believe you have it, though.

17:17 Caller Yeah.

17:18 Adam Yeah. You don't think it's interesting that I know the size of the engine in your random Chevy truck and the carburetor?

17:25 Caller Yeah.

17:27 Adam Okay, my boy.

17:29 Best Of Oh.

17:31 Adam Let's, let's sink it out.

17:32 Drew I'd love to blame that on pot, but I can't.

17:34 Best Of Oh. Oh.

17:39 Drew He did it.

17:39 Best Of He did it.

17:41 Adam Wow. Yeah. All right. Someone's got to sample it.

17:44 Drew Here we go. Here we go.

17:45 Caller Bring it down.

17:45 Drew Bring it down.

17:46 Caller Let's go.

17:46 Drew Come on.

17:47 Adam You know, bring dueling back.

17:48 Drew Bring dueling back.

17:49 Adam I know. I know. It just sounds like I'm blowing my own smoke up my own took eye here. But one of the things that I find most interesting about the show is when I guess very specific things about the person's life. Uh-huh.

18:01 Drew Well, he was so unimpressed, I thought he was lying.

18:04 Adam No.

18:05 Drew That's because I was thinking maybe it's a two-barrel carburet or something.

18:07 Adam No. Listen, it would probably be a Holley. It would probably be somewhere around that size. It would probably have a 350. But Chevy makes many different kinds of engines. I have no idea what's in there. But God forbid anyone who listens to the show or calls in goes, hey, yeah, what do you know? That's something. How do you know that?

18:27 Drew The classic was the one where the girl was talking about her boyfriend. Adam goes, where does he work? Is he working at a batting cage? She goes, yeah, a batting cage down at Congress Street. So anyway, we're like, huh.

18:38 Adam I guess her boyfriend worked at a batting cage. It was not impressive. Now, here's the thing. Let me tell you something about being stupid. Then I'm going to stop picking on everyone who calls the show. Go bright. All right. I'm not. But here's the thing. When your kid comes home and starts talking to you about people who are in his class, he doesn't say, this is my friend from class, John. He just goes, you know what John says? John says, and he expects you to know who John is.

19:07 Drew The whole world revolves around him.

19:09 Adam Of course, you would know who John is. He knows who John is. He's seven.

19:13 Drew Yes, yes.

19:14 Adam At a certain point in life, you start realizing you have to say stuff like, a guy who's in my class named John thinks this. But when you're seven, you say that. Well, we have that same mentality of people calling it 17.

19:27 Drew And interestingly enough, it's people with actually quite low self-esteem that tend to get into that mode of thinking. And as I've pointed out to you before, we call that a piece of S around which the whole world revolves. That's the way they start to think of themselves.

19:41 Adam All right, Mitch needs to stay away from junior college. He needs to focus on tech school and work on them cars.

19:49 Drew And maybe some auctioneering in the future.

19:51 That might be good.

19:53 Adam It's a great idea.

19:54 Drew Working for Sotheby's or something.

19:57 Uh. It's.

20:02 Drew That'll be a lot. Six, six, six. Mitch, here we go. First bidder is one million dollars.

20:06 Adam Mitch, this is Monet. Is it to give her name?

20:12 Best Of Water Lily.

20:14 Caller Oh, Dolby.

20:16 Best Of I got you, Dolby.

20:17 Caller Now three, now three.

20:19 Drew Here we go.

20:20 Katie.

20:22 Drew Break it down.

20:22 Adam Katie.

20:23 Caller Hi.

20:24 Adam You're seventeen.

20:26 Yeah. Yeah.

20:28 Adam What's happening, baby doll? Yeah. Here we go. Take a knee.

20:32 Drew Well, by the way, we lost Melissa. We were the prostitute. We were going to finish talking to her.

20:35 Adam That's right.

20:36 Drew And we and Adam did, interestingly, didn't.

20:38 Adam Yeah. I didn't really believe her, but I believe some of her. What's up, Katie?

20:44 Best Of Okay. I have a vibrating dildo.

20:48 Caller Many times.

20:49 Adam By the way, a dildo. Hold on. A dildo that vibrates is just called a vibrator.

20:54 Drew I think.

20:54 Best Of Oh, really?

20:55 Adam I think.

20:56 Best Of Whenever I look at, like, online or anything, because, like, I was interested in that. They could always said vibrating dildo.

21:02 Drew All right. Adam Stans corrected. All right.

21:05 Adam Go ahead.

21:06 Best Of All right.

21:06 Adam It's a big man to admit when he's wrong.

21:07 Drew And I admit it about a vibrating dildo, especially.

21:10 Caller I use it a lot.

21:12 Best Of I think that I'm actually more than you, Adam.

21:15 Drew No way.

21:16 Yeah, way.

21:17 Adam Really? What are you good for a day?

21:19 Caller What was that?

21:20 Adam What are you good for each day?

21:24 Caller A lot.

21:25 I don't really want to say, but.

21:27 Drew Why?

21:28 Caller It's up in the 20s.

21:32 Drew 20 times a day. Not 20 orgasms, but 20 sessions a day?

21:38 Best Of Yeah, kind of. Like, there's like little like, I don't know, I don't really want to get into it. It's kind of.

21:44 Adam Yeah, that's obvious. You come right out of the gate with the vibrating dildo talk, but you're too demure to bring up how often you masturbate.

21:53 Drew All right. Yeah.

21:54 Best Of All right.

21:54 Drew What's the question?

21:56 Best Of Okay. I don't clean it like they say you're supposed to with the alcohol and stuff.

22:00 Best Of Yeah.

22:01 Adam Well, you're supposed to keep it in that blue barber stuff right next to the combs.

22:05 Oh.

22:08 Best Of And like just the other day, like when I started to go to the bathroom, it burns.

22:14 Caller And I was wondering if like you've given yourself.

22:16 Drew You've given yourself a urinary tract infection.

22:18 Yeah.

22:20 Drew Yes. You need to see a doctor about that.

22:22 Best Of So it's not like an STD or anything?

22:24 Drew Did you share it with somebody else? No.

22:27 Best Of It's just mine.

22:28 Drew Are you having sex with somebody?

22:30 Best Of No.

22:30 Drew Okay. Then how can you get a sexually transmitted?

22:34 Adam Yeah. Well, people just think they can get a sexually transmitted disease from deviant type behavior.

22:40 Best Of I see. Is that right?

22:41 Well, I don't know. I'm...

22:42 Adam No, they do. They do. I think people think that if they...

22:45 Drew STD is some sort of punishment. STD is a punishment for out-of-line behavior.

22:50 Adam Well, it's like they think they can get an STD from their boyfriend, even if their boyfriend has never had... doesn't have an STD because they're not wearing a condom. Right, right. You know what I mean? Like, we've beaten into everyone's head. You've got to wear a condom. You're going to get an STD. You're going to get HIV. Well, yeah. If the other person has something to protect you from...

23:10 Drew Yeah, that you need to be protected from.

23:11 Adam Need to be protected from, right. Katie.

23:15 Best Of Yes.

23:15 Adam Why, are you a big gal?

23:17 Uh, no.

23:19 Adam No?

23:19 Best Of I'm kind of in the middle there.

23:21 Adam Oh, oh. That means... how tall are you?

23:25 Best Of I am almost six foot, I think.

23:27 Whoa.

23:28 Best Of Last time I checked, I was five, eleven and a half.

23:31 Adam How...

23:32 whoa.

23:32 Adam How much do you weigh?

23:34 Best Of I weigh two hundred.

23:36 Adam All right. That's, you know, it's not what we call petite.

23:41 Yeah.

23:42 Adam But that's a lumberjack stack. There, my friends. That's a lumberjack stack in a side of Canadian bacon. But...

23:52 Drew My friends.

23:53 Adam And my friends. But it's six foot, you know.

23:56 Drew Could carry that off. Yeah.

23:57 Adam Pull that off. All right. Maybe, though, maybe it probably could go down a couple pounds. You eating, right? The exercise on the side? The vibrating? Are you depressed? It seems like you're just compulsively... Oh, yeah.

24:11 Drew Are you sex addicted? Were you sexually abused growing up?

24:14 Best Of No, actually, I'm Mormon. So, like, I wasn't sexually abused or anything. And, I don't know, I'm just... I think I'm addicted to it, kind of.

24:24 Drew Well, but do you...

24:25 Caller I mean, it's... I don't know.

24:27 Best Of It's not really...

24:29 Drew You don't like it?

24:31 Best Of I like it.

24:33 Drew I mean, you like it, but it bothers you that you're so dependent upon it.

24:36 Best Of Oh, yeah. Yeah.

24:37 Drew Yeah. Well, that's kind of in the... At least in the sexually compulsive realm.

24:41 Best Of All right.

24:42 Adam Yeah. We'll take ourselves a quick break. When we get back, we got to talk about dueling.

24:47 Drew Yeah, we got to.

24:48 Adam After this. Loveline, we'll be right back. Hey, everybody, Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. We're all talked out, because when we're taking a tinkle, Drew was got up on his high horse, talking about religion and Aristotle and Socrates. Drew was really passionate.

25:22 Drew We were getting going, huh?

25:23 Adam Passionate, man. I was staring at Drew. It was like when Aristotle wrote his famous, and I was looking down and going, boy, my whiz is yellow tonight. Aristotle said, and this is, and he was speaking of non-sectivitamin. Boy, it's almost orange.

25:41 Wow.

25:42 Adam Was that a multivitamin?

25:44 Drew Which is why, by the way, we don't speak of those things on the air because that's exactly what happens to all our listeners in the head at that point.

25:50 Adam Well, we bore them with other things. But what is it in the multivitamin that makes the whiz yellow? Is that the bee?

25:56 Drew I think it's the bee vitamin.

25:57 Adam Bee.

25:57 Drew These are chromo, they absorb light at a certain frequency. It's just a ring structure, you know.

26:05 Adam I'll tell you, I understand I took the vitamin. Every once in a blue moon, you get that day glow yellow whiz. If I was a caveman, I saw that coming out of me. I'd chop my penis off with a club and then burn it. So it would never happen. It would freak me out. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. Beth? Yeah. Yeah, it's rough. I can't hit the sink here, you know? No, you could. It's tough. You know why? Because they did one of those things where the sink is set back like six inches from the edge of the counter. By the way, I have to stand on some phone books to get it. My parents have a place that we actually get up on Chris's shoulders.

26:40 Drew One of their bathrooms made in the 60s and the sink is waist height. You have to get water. You have to bend over almost down to your ankles.

26:49 Adam That's a good whiz in sink.

26:50 Drew And shower at your neck.

26:53 Adam Yeah. People were shorter back then. I don't know. I don't know why that is. Yeah. A shower should be high and sink should... Well, I like to sink low so I can whiz in it.

27:02 Drew This is really low.

27:03 Yeah.

27:05 Best Of All right.

27:05 Adam Let's...

27:06 Best Of Who are we talking about?

27:07 Adam Beth. You're 20?

27:11 Caller Yes.

27:12 Adam You can orgasm with yourself or with boyfriend.

27:16 Caller Sorry?

27:17 Adam You can orgasm.

27:18 Caller Correct.

27:19 Adam All right. And you get close.

27:22 Caller Yeah. I mean, it gets to the point where I just have to push him away because it hurts so bad.

27:29 Drew What's he doing when he's trying to do that to you? What kind of... What is he doing when you get close?

27:35 Caller Oral sex.

27:37 Drew Oral sex?

27:38 Caller Yeah.

27:39 Drew And is he very gentle with you or is he a little too aggressive?

27:42 Caller It's both. I mean, we've been trying a lot of different ways, you know, but it all comes the same thing. It's like I get close and then it just starts... It's just too much and I have to...

27:56 Adam Yeah, it gets overwhelming.

27:57 Caller And then you can't come back to it because it's too sensitive.

28:00 Drew Yeah, that's a guy thing too, isn't it Adam?

28:03 Best Of Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Stop.

28:05 Caller Too much, too much.

28:06 Adam Well, you can't get back to it ten minutes later?

28:10 Caller Well, it takes like a good at least five minutes.

28:15 Drew To settle down.

28:16 Caller And then by that time I have to start all over and then it happens all over again.

28:20 Adam Okay.

28:21 Drew I just wonder if he's doing the right thing, as it were.

28:24 Adam You gotta believe a seasoned veteran like yourself, a velvety tongue veteran like you could produce some better results. But we'll never know.

28:35 Drew Because she's right in that age when she should be having orgasmic function. She's got a stable relationship. There's no reason you have any trauma around your sexuality, Beth? You like your boyfriend.

28:47 Adam She likes her. She's 20.

28:49 Drew So this one I blame on him.

28:51 Adam Also a lot of 20-year-olds just don't have the big O.

28:55 Drew No, but she should be coming around.

28:58 Adam She's getting close. And the thing is, once you get that first one out, then they all just come popping out. It's game on. I'll tell you what you need to do. You're putting too much pressure on yourself. You're pushing too hard, then you're freaking out. How about a real easy session?

29:16 You know what I mean?

29:18 Adam Yeah, instead of...

29:19 Drew But that's partly him too cool.

29:22 Adam See what I'm saying?

29:23 Drew Yeah, I see what you're saying. He's got a really...

29:26 Adam You want the difference between fast and slow?

29:28 Drew Let's hear it one more time.

29:28 Adam Alright, this is the fast session of oral sex.

29:33 Drew Got it. And now the easy one? Too fast, still too fast. No, no, too sensitive.

29:40 Adam Don't talk, my sweet. Take your glasses off. Let me see. Wow, you have almost gray eyes.

29:47 Drew Almost there.

29:48 Caller That's beautiful.

29:49 Adam Beautiful.

29:49 Caller No, no, too sensitive.

29:52 Caller Push it your way. Go away.

29:55 Drew Is there a male on Earth that's ever done that?

29:57 You ever done that?

29:59 Adam I'm about to bust a nut. We gotta stop.

30:05 Drew It's comical even to think about it.

30:07 Best Of No.

30:09 Drew It's not a male on Earth that could have that experience.

30:11 Adam No, a woman can't escape. I mean, if a woman actually, like if you were 15 seconds away from orgasming and her head popped off and blood just started squirting out, you'd be like, I gotta hurry. Now that means her.

30:26 Drew One second, one second.

30:29 Adam We just gotta finish, right? It just busted like a major artery just blew.

30:36 Drew Or just how about you're getting close and they try to move away. No, you'd like some sort of like a cougar.

30:45 Adam I was gonna say like a rabbit trying to get away from a cougar and it's pounced on. No, Big Paul comes out and slides him right back in.

30:52 Drew Impossible.

30:53 Adam Drew, is it? You are, you are, you're a cougar-like passionate in your zest for lust. Your zest for lust. All right. I got stuff reading those Harlequin romances. Wow. Stella.

31:10 Hi.

31:11 Adam Yeah. Once Drew gets one of them big patty paws into you, that's it. He ain't done till he's got a belly full of you. Go ahead, Stella.

31:20 Okay. About a year ago, I decided to change my life. I've been a drug user for about five, six years now.

31:27 Drew And since you were 12.

31:29 I'm 13. Wow. And I've done a lot of crystal and stuff. So I decided to change and tell my parents and everything. And so the like a day before I was going to leave and everything, I was trying to find my boyfriend and say bye, you know, again. And it turns out he killed himself, whatever. And so I went to rehab anyways, but I stayed there 21 days.

31:54 Adam Well, hold on. Your boyfriend killed himself.

31:56 Yeah.

31:57 Adam While he was your boyfriend or you're broken up? When's the last time you saw him before he killed himself?

32:03 Excuse me?

32:04 Adam Had you seen him every day?

32:06 I was seeing him like, yeah, well, he just like two hours away.

32:10 Drew Wow. Was he a drug addict too? Yeah. Was it accidental death?

32:14 I don't know. I don't know.

32:16 Drew All right. Well, the drug addict is dying.

32:18 Adam Tell yourself you do it on purpose.

32:20 Drew Maybe an overdose sometime. Anyway, so you went to rehab and?

32:24 Well, I didn't finish it and now everything's like, oh, God, I don't know what to do anymore.

32:30 Drew Go back to treatment, get to a meeting, get a sponsor or call your old sponsor, get going again.

32:37 It's really hard because my parents, they support me and everything, but at the same time, they're really lazy.

32:42 Caller You know, well, they support.

32:44 Adam What do you want them to do? Going to rehab for you?

32:46 Drew Yeah, you've got to do it yourself.

32:47 Adam Unfortunately, they support you. That's pretty good.

32:50 Yeah.

32:51 Adam All right.

32:52 Drew Just go. Call your, do you have a sponsor?

32:54 No, I don't.

32:55 Drew How come you didn't have a sponsor in the first place?

32:58 I wasn't there that much, I guess. I don't know.

33:01 Drew So you didn't do anything in treatment, right?

33:04 I started it, but I didn't finish it. It was too good.

33:06 Drew But you didn't do anything. You didn't do a first step. You didn't get a sponsor. You didn't do anything, right?

33:12 Adam You got to get involved in your own treatment.

33:14 Drew Go to NA., raise your hand as a newcomer, tell them you need a sponsor, and just start going.

33:19 Best Of Could you do that?

33:20 Caller It's really hard.

33:21 Now everything's changed. I don't care anymore. I want to go back in it, but I want to quit. But I don't know what the f*** is going on.

33:29 Adam It's like the F-bomb on the air. And casually, too.

33:32 Drew I understand that you're confused and ambivalent. Go to an NA meeting, raise your hand as a newcomer, and if you can't do that, go back to treatment. There's nothing your parents can do. You gotta do it for yourself.

33:44 Adam I saw a whole special on Dateline. I watch all those news magazines, 20-20 and Dateline and 60 Minutes, 60 Minutes 2, and I watch all that stuff. What do you got?

33:55 Drew I got one coming on. What is it?

33:57 Adam No.

33:57 Drew No, no, I do. We filmed it last summer. I've never heard of it. Treating a couple of opiod addicts. It really came out good.

34:04 Adam Really?

34:04 Drew Yeah.

34:05 Adam What is that? Oh, that thing.

34:06 Drew Yeah, it still isn't there yet.

34:07 Adam Jesus, you were in like, you were still in 6th grade.

34:10 Drew Yeah.

34:11 Best Of All right.

34:12 Adam Well, listen, I'm not here to talk about you.

34:14 Drew Nightline.

34:15 Adam Nightline.

34:15 Drew Is it?

34:16 Best Of No, no, no.

34:16 Adam Dateline.

34:17 Drew What's the ABC one?

34:19 Adam I don't know. I'll listen. 2020.

34:21 Drew Downtown.

34:22 Adam 2020. There's another, there's a sort of downtown show. When's this thing coming out?

34:27 Drew I'll tell you, I'll let you know when I get a date.

34:29 Adam All right, well, quiet. Okay, here's what I want to say. I was watching the Dateline and I had these poor, these families they talked to, kids killed themselves. They're very, apparently, a little bit of an epidemic. These college students just killing themselves sort of spontaneously, not years of depression. Yeah, no, quite.

34:49 Drew You know what I hear immediately.

34:50 Adam No, I know what you hear, but here's what I hear. Well, first off, wait a minute.

34:54 Drew That's what I hear.

34:55 Adam Yeah, it's good. A little fart go. Yeah, Chris likes a little fart. Don't talk. OK, here's the thing. Oh, no, nothing. I got nothing. OK, here's the deal. They do the whole thing and it makes a story. The bright kids, the parents love them. They're going off to college. Parents are visiting. You know, there's pictures of them on, you know, parent day and the visiting and popular and good looking. And both the kids that they profiled were good looking. They were young. One had like a hot girlfriend. All the whole thing, you know, fraternity, this and that. Nice guy. Pow! Fails a class or gets close to failing or something. It just kills himself sort of spontaneously. And then, you know, I saw I was watching it and I was thinking, well, please, they were depressed for years and stuff like that. And I thought to myself, well, here's the thing. You know, my mom was depressed. She locked herself in a room for 15 years. She never killed herself.

35:50 Caller Right.

35:51 Adam And, you know, people do that. Oh, where were the warning signs? We blame ourselves. Where are the warning signs? If that were true, like I said, I should have been on the phone with the suicide hotline every 10 minutes of my entire childhood. Somehow, oftentimes, like this is just depressed people. They're just depressed. They don't kill themselves. So the whole warning sign thing is kind of weird. And I feel horrible for these families because they're like, we should have known, we should have done something. Meanwhile, they had like Mexico vacations, playing with the one kid that didn't show up. It's like, I was watching that, you know, I get mad at my parents. I watch NASCAR, I get mad at my dad. I watch anything. I watch the test pattern with the Indian, it makes me angry. But the thing is, is like they're going, what could we have done? We should have known we were supposed to meet her in Port of Ardor for her spring break vacation. She didn't show up. I was thinking, how can you blame yourself? I mean, yeah, there are things maybe you could have done, but the kid was off of college, the kid, you're paying for everything, the kid was going on a vacation with you. I mean, if this is the way it went, my sister should have killed herself like 30 times, like from age 11 to maybe 21.

36:56 Drew If there were things you could have done.

36:58 Adam Or if there are things you did to get them to kill themselves, like I wasn't there enough or whatever. Is there a certain percentage of society, by the way, that just is going to kill themselves? I don't know how to answer that. How about the whole people, when you're 18 or 19, you will do stupid things quickly. You will have a couple of beers and think it's a good idea to jump off the roof and into the swimming pool.

37:22 Drew That's the key. When I hear a sudden suicidal act in an 18 to 22 year old, a drug, and a story.

37:30 Adam I know. Look, they never, obviously, never came up and whatever, and they interviewed the guys' friends and they did the whole thing and everyone's friends and it didn't seem to be anything. I'm sure there was some drugs around. A quiet down because everyone does drugs in college.

37:46 Drew I know, and some people have horrible reactions to them. And there you go. The reality is though, listen, the thing about people when drugs is when there's drugs involved, people lie their ass off. And I know, just like you and I play Karnak here in this show, I know what the truth is. I can just smell it on people. And you have to go, no, it's not what happened. Here's what happened. Otherwise, they're going to BS you. And that's going to be the story on the news now. All right.

38:08 Adam So you think this is drugs?

38:11 Drew I think hallucinogens can do this. Speed can do this. Opiates can do this. Alcohol can do this. And even when they're not even addictive, this is an acute reaction.

38:18 Adam What are they supposed to do? Just breathe the air and drink tap water? Well, it's still college for Christ's sake. Kid went to Arizona State, gotta do something.

38:26 Drew Strike three.

38:27 Adam Yeah, okay. So here's-

38:28 Drew Was it like at San Diego State? No, no party there, no.

38:33 Adam She went to the school in like, it was beyond Santa Barbara, it was even better. It was a comical school.

38:42 Drew And this is not-

38:43 Adam No, I just mean it was, it was UC Morro Bay.

38:47 Drew Right, right.

38:48 Adam Like, I mean, literally. I was like, oh my god, there's a school at the, yeah, it's in Hurst Castle. I was like, oh my god. Believe, but look, here's the thing. They didn't talk about drugs, no one, there was a, they interviewed everybody. No one, the word drugs never came up. I'm thinking it would have, but if there was something, but the point is, is there's a certain, there's certain people who will, if there's a gun nearby, if depression sits in, they'll just do it. And the whole why, why, why, and why didn't we see the warning signs? We didn't see the warning signs.

39:19 Drew There weren't any.

39:19 Adam Because there weren't any warning signs. And by the way, if everyone has said, oh, I'm having a rough day, or I'm pissed off, or I'm staying in the night, you guys go on about me, you'd just be on the phone all day long.

39:29 Drew Yeah, there are warning signs, but very few people actually manifest them. That's why some people, when they're depressed, are very dangerous. There are people that we take care of for depression, and we say to ourselves, this one's dangerous, because this one will not warn us, he'll just do it. Right. That's nothing to do about that.

39:45 Adam Well, let's take a break. Drew, I'm going to need you to kill yourself during the break, just because I'm trying to prove the point.

39:52 Drew I need to give you some warning signs first.

39:54 Best Of Okay.

39:54 Drew I'm giving away my stuff.

39:55 Best Of I should have known. I should have known.

39:57 Drew Here's my guilty paperwork.

39:58 Adam Well, that got it started. We'll take a...

40:01 Drew Oh, now I'm going to kill myself.

40:02 Adam We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back.

40:05 Dude, you got issues.

40:07 Call Loveline.

40:08 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

40:10 Adam Hey buddy, it's Adam.

40:11 Drew And I'm Dr. Drew.

40:12 Adam Here to talk about Axe Deodorant Body Spray.

40:15 Drew Yes, sir.

40:16 Adam You spray that on, you give stink the axe. Hey everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Engineer Chris, by the way.

40:37 Drew Crack. Pro.

40:39 Adam I said to him I just had to cut a quick commercial during the break. Had to come in in exactly 22 seconds. Of course, there was 45 seconds worth of dialogue there. But I said, hey, do you got a timer over there? And he goes, yeah, I could time it.

40:55 Best Of I go, oh, all right.

40:56 Adam Well, why don't we time it? And he goes, go.

41:00 Caller Are you high?

41:03 Adam I was talking, by the way.

41:04 Caller He goes, go.

41:05 Adam He hits the button and yells, go.

41:08 Drew I think you make him nervous.

41:09 Adam I'm not even looking down at the paper. Don't you know about the countdown and the finger? I got into the radio for the finger.

41:18 Drew And when you give Adam a direction, it's got to be, and action. I got it.

41:22 Adam Yeah. Let's just try it. Give me a three, two, one, and give me the finger and just try it. Ready?

41:29 Caller Three, two, one, and.

41:32 Drew Is that good?

41:32 Adam That's good, but I didn't say anything about the and. I just want the finger. Go ahead.

41:36 Caller Three, two, one, and.

41:39 Drew Oh, no. Oh, my goodness. You did say and.

41:44 Caller All right.

41:45 Adam Let's try it without the and. I'm going to cue you.

41:48 Drew Okay. Put the and in the beginning.

41:50 Caller And, three, two. No, no, no.

41:52 Adam I don't want an and. I want no ands. No ands, but here's the deal.

41:55 Drew It's going to show up somewhere.

41:56 Adam I'm going to cue you to do the cue thing.

41:58 Caller All right.

41:59 Drew You ready?

42:00 Caller Three, two, one.

42:04 Drew Three, two, one.

42:07 Caller Yeah. Good. Yeah.

42:12 Drew You had to suppress that and. It was coming out.

42:15 Best Of Yeah, I know.

42:16 Adam So quick read, Adam. Can you, do you got a timer you can time this with? Yeah.

42:20 Caller Go.

42:23 Drew Jeremy.

42:24 Best Of What?

42:24 Drew What's up?

42:27 Best Of Yeah. My dad, he smokes Todd and I smoke pot with him.

42:31 Drew No kidding.

42:33 Best Of Huh?

42:33 Drew Yeah. No kidding. I kind of hear it on you. What's up?

42:36 Best Of Yeah. And I'm trying to quit smoking. And it's kind of hard because he's always smoking all the time and I'm always around it, so.

42:47 Drew Yeah. Are you doing anything or getting support? You going to MA.,

42:51 Best Of 12-step, anything like that? No.

42:54 Adam No.

42:55 Drew Wait a minute.

42:55 Adam Wait a minute. Why are you trying to quit? You get busted? You're trying to get a job, drug test?

43:01 Best Of Well, I go to college and it's not really good for my brain.

43:05 Drew You realize it's not working.

43:07 Best Of Really?

43:08 Drew Even community college, Adam, you can't even keep up.

43:11 Adam You're going to junior college, right?

43:13 Best Of No, I'm going to IPT.

43:16 Drew Trade tech?

43:17 Adam You're going to ITT., did he say?

43:19 Best Of Yeah.

43:20 Adam Oh, okay. What are you studying? Computers?

43:24 Best Of Network technician.

43:26 Adam Is that computers?

43:27 Best Of Yeah.

43:28 Adam Okay. You can say that. All right, here we go. It's amazing because I don't see as a behind the scenes sort of tech guy. I see upfront. You know what I mean? Hardware guy? No, I see as a motivational speaker, something like that.

43:43 Drew Human resources. Yeah.

43:45 Adam Yeah. I see as what we call a face man.

43:47 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

43:47 Adam All right.

43:49 Drew Well, Jeremy, I'll tell you what. Pod for some people is profoundly addictive and your dad obviously is one of those people and for you too. So it's something that requires some kind of treatment. You can't really expect it's going to stop because it's addiction. Addiction means you can't stop even when you want to. Now, having your dad smoking pot around you makes it essentially impossible.

44:09 Adam Well, he's mad at his dad for being an idiot too.

44:12 Drew Of course. But listen, it's like having a heroin addict living in a crack house. It doesn't work. You're going to use. And especially you're going to use if you don't get any support. So at least if you had some other people in your lab that are supporting you with this, you might have a chance. But without it, no way. So check out MA.

44:28 Adam When do you graduate ITT? 2006. It takes a few years, huh?

44:36 Drew Well, with the pot and all. He's due to graduate in December, but for him it's figuring 2006.

44:46 Adam God forbid someone says, oh, it's an extensive program. It's actually a 24-month program. It's like, oh, so it's a two-year program.

44:57 Caller Yeah.

44:58 Drew I like the way he mirrors your yeah.

45:00 Caller He kept coming back at you.

45:02 Drew Yeah.

45:03 Adam Can any of our listeners go, well, first year. No, first year.

45:06 Drew Adam, what are you asking?

45:07 Adam First year is mainly manual and tech stuff. And then the second year, we actually go out in the field and do an apprenticeship. So that's the second year. It says, yeah.

45:17 Caller All right.

45:17 Drew Yeah. Here we go.

45:18 Adam Jeremy.

45:20 Caller Yeah.

45:20 Adam Yeah. Can you move out of the house? Can you get out of there?

45:26 Best Of No, not really.

45:27 Adam Why?

45:30 Best Of Because my mom was far away.

45:33 Adam Well, how about living on your own? Can you work at all?

45:37 Best Of Well, I work. I don't make much money.

45:39 Drew You get an apartment with a couple of friends or a roommate.

45:41 Adam Yeah. Get a few roommates.

45:43 Best Of But I don't drive either.

45:45 Drew Why not?

45:49 Adam What goes on in this? He dropped the S-bomb, thankfully. You can't excuse to get rid of him, but that's why he wants to stop the weed.

46:00 Drew He's got a bad...

46:01 Adam He's got a test.

46:02 Drew Also, Pod is just one of a series of drugs he's been addicted to. Pod is the one he's maintaining with now. It's bad times. He needs treatment.

46:10 Adam Well, at least he's getting some training on ITT.

46:14 Drew Yeah.

46:15 Adam Hassan? Hassan? I don't know. What's your name?

46:19 Best Of Hassan.

46:20 Adam Hassan?

46:21 Best Of Yeah.

46:21 Adam You're 18?

46:22 Caller Yeah.

46:24 Adam You shave your pubes?

46:26 Best Of Yeah.

46:26 Adam You get ingrown hairs?

46:28 Caller Yeah, every time.

46:29 Drew Don't shave so close.

46:30 Best Of No, I got...

46:32 Drew Get a clipper instead of a razor.

46:34 Best Of Well, I actually shave it because my girlfriend, she doesn't like...

46:38 Drew Yeah, get a clipper, not a razor.

46:41 Adam I love, by the way, by the way, bogus call when they just steamroll. They go, all right, well, don't shave it. Don't shave it so close. Just trim it down. Well, the reason I shave it is because I don't care what your reason. By the way, you shaving?

46:58 Caller This is...

46:59 Adam What is that? This is called...

47:01 Drew Retarded.

47:02 Adam All right, hold on. I got words. We got to take a break. I'm fired up, though. And we got more weather to give out after this.

47:09 Caller All right, guys, here's the deal.

47:11 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:14 Caller One call is all you need to make.

47:16 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:17 Best Of 877-889-DATE.

47:30 Adam How do, y'all? Name's Ace. Dr. Drew is over there in New York City, everybody.

47:38 Best Of In the Hizzy.

47:40 Adam What's up, Drew?

47:41 Drew In the Hizzy.

47:42 Adam In the Hizzy.

47:43 Best Of All right.

47:44 Adam When we left off, we were speaking to Todd. Todd, let's see, a little history. Drew went to his junior high or maybe high school and did a little speaking at some point. Yeah. I don't know what the hell Drew was thinking, but that's what he did. And then he called the show nine years ago. He's 26 now. He called when he was 17. I told him if he called back in 10 years and I was here, I would kill myself. He's called me to give me a little reminder to kill myself. I'm saying I got another year.

48:14 Yeah.

48:14 Adam You know what I'm saying? And then he wanted Drew to give him a buzz off the air and then he started cracking wise. So I'm not exactly sure what Todd wants, but just because we have low self-esteem and a whole hour to kill, we'll get back with him. Todd?

48:32 Hi, guys.

48:33 Adam All right.

48:33 Drew So what did you call about back when?

48:36 What I called about was our relationship. Back then, I was serious with my girlfriend, and you guys told me to break up, go to college. And I did.

48:50 Drew You're successful.

48:51 Adam Now you're a successful businessman.

48:54 I went to the University of Southern California, the Trojans, and what I'm calling now about is the man. I'm 26 years old, went to college, working hard, and not a millionaire yet. And I know you guys are, so I wanted some suggestions on how to beat the man and how to beat the boss.

49:21 Adam How to beat him? Well, what do you do?

49:25 I'm in the financial industry.

49:27 Adam Oh.

49:28 Drew What does that mean?

49:29 Adam Kiss a lot of ass and show up early. Oh, you little nerds.

49:33 I work on my Series 7, Series 63, so what I do is IRAs, rollover stocks, bonds.

49:40 Adam All right. Yeah, listen, you'll be fine. You're 26. Yeah. Do you have a woman? Are you getting laid?

49:47 Caller I am now, but I don't know if I want to get married yet. I mean, you guys tell me that once I get married, it's a bad time, so.

49:55 Drew No, it's good times if you're ready.

49:57 Adam Who said that?

49:58 Caller Well, when should I get married, guys?

50:00 Adam I mean, after 30, 30, 30, wait till after I kill myself and then get married.

50:05 Caller When's the good year to get married?

50:07 Adam 2007, odd years, always better. What do you want to talk to Drew about off the air?

50:15 Caller I just want to say hi to him. And I mean, my real question is, guys, when should I get married? I mean, you know, kind of working towards my.

50:23 Adam Well, hold on. Do you have a serious girlfriend right now?

50:25 Caller How did this guy go to USC?

50:27 Adam Oh, USC is not that hard to get into. Drew went there. Hey, hey, hey, Todd, do you have a serious girlfriend?

50:37 Caller Well, I mean, I did, but I broke up.

50:41 Caller All right, all right.

50:42 Adam Imagine spending time with Todd. God, would that be painful. All right, well, he's your buddy, Drew.

50:49 Drew My buddy, yeah.

50:50 Adam Here's the thing.

50:51 Drew He needs to work his ass off and not worry about trying to find a way to get around the man. It's a work.

50:56 Adam I don't even know what he's talking about. I feel like we've created a monster.

51:00 Drew Once again, I'm talking to you at 27. Where were you at 26, Adam? You could give him advice of what to do at 20. You know what I mean? Other than working your butt off.

51:09 Adam And look, here's the thing about marriage. As a guy, I don't really recommend it before 30. I agree with Drew. Get your career going, get your schooling done, get whatever you got to get going, and then do it. No rush at all.

51:22 Drew By the way, Adam, for all the S we give you, about what you were doing, swinging a hammer before the age of 30, the reality is you were working your ass off. You were training boxing, you were teaching boxing, you were working your way through training as a carpenter, became a carpenter, worked as a contractor, and then did comedy training at night. It wasn't like you were, you know, hey, hey, what do you do? You work your ass off. That's what you do.

51:48 Adam Well, here's what you do without getting too preachy. Whenever you're done with your daytime job, you come home and do more work.

51:57 Best Of Right.

51:57 Adam Or you will sit in an orbit around your daytime job for the rest of your life.

52:02 Drew Yes.

52:02 Adam Because if you only go to work and do your job, you pretty much stay there. If you want to switch careers, you want to get further along, you got to come home at night and go to school.

52:11 Best Of Right.

52:11 Adam Or go take your class or whatever it is your interest or muse is.

52:18 Caller Right.

52:18 Adam But anyway, Todd sounds like he's going to be fine. And look, you can't go through life. I know a lot of other radio show hosts like us, I don't want to mention any names, have a bunch of retarded rules that you're just supposed to adhere to. Never spend more than this much on a date, never get married before this age, never do this after so many dates. Who the hell knows? Everything's out the window. Just live your life. Yeah, better idea to get married at 30 than it is at 20, but if you met the right person at 20 and that's where you were at, who am I to tell you you can't? There's no rules, you know what I'm saying?

52:55 Drew No, no rules, but you do tell plenty of people at 20 not to get married.

52:59 Adam I do tell them to get married, but there's plenty of people who get married at 20 and are still married.

53:03 Drew You're right, that's true.

53:04 Adam That was only six months ago, though, so. Right, yeah, still married. Todd, here's the thing. You almost sound like you have a personality problem. You sound creepy and narcissistic and like you're overcompensating, and you're going to be one of these guys that's financially successful with the soul of a nerd driving everyone nuts with your tasseled shoes and no socks, driving around your retarded Dodge Viper everywhere, or rolling up and down a Ventura Boulevard in your $14,000 Harley that you can barely ride. And you know how I can tell the guys who can't ride the motorcycles? When they take off from the stoplight, both feet stay down like outriggers for a hundred feet before they lift back up onto the peg. Those are the guys who can't ride the bikes. The guys who can ride the bike, their feet go right on the pegs before they start even moving forward. The signal changes, they start letting the clutch out, both feet up on the pegs. See what I'm saying, Drew?

53:59 Drew Interesting. That's good.

54:00 Adam You can always tell guys who can't ride bikes, their feet hang out. They're getting their balance all the way through the intersection, feet hanging out. They only put one foot down when they get there, they don't put both down. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Keep the right one down. Todd, don't trust him. Call him another nine years and get married whenever you want. Is there anything worse than a hungry guy for success? Do you know what I mean? Not a guy who is going to pursue his love or his dream, but I'm talking about the guy who wants to be successful for the sake of success.

54:38 Drew Right.

54:39 Adam That guy?

54:40 Caller Yeah.

54:41 Drew That guy drives you crazy. You got to be doing something where you...

54:45 Adam Thank God no one I know is interested in success.

54:49 Drew Well, you got to be interested in contributing. You got to be interested in being of service and doing something that's meaningful, or else the rest just doesn't work.

54:57 Adam Well, even if it's meaningful to you.

54:59 Drew Yeah.

55:00 Adam You know what I'm saying?

55:01 Drew Absolutely.

55:02 Adam All right. I mean, I'm not saying you have to be Mother Teresa. I just think if you do something that's important to you.

55:08 Drew Yeah.

55:08 Adam All right. You ready to rock here, Drew? Here we go.

55:10 Drew Come on.

55:11 Adam Let's get it together.

55:12 Drew Don't take any more calls. No more calls.

55:15 Adam I'm going, uh-huh. You don't want me to take any more calls?

55:17 Drew No calls. No more to show.

55:19 Adam Well, let me say this. Let me say this, smart guy. Pow. Mandy, line two, 20 years old. How do you like me now?

55:25 Drew Oh, I'm upset. I'm angry.

55:27 Adam Yeah. Well, you know what? Now you just got yourself another call. After Mandy, I'm going to talk to someone else. Almost immediately.

55:33 Drew No way.

55:34 Adam Now, I was going to tell a long-winded story about high school football, but forget it now. Oh, no.

55:40 Drew I want to hear about high school football.

55:41 Adam No.

55:42 Caller You lost it, buddy. Let me tell you something.

55:45 Adam That ship has sailed, my friend. I'm going right to another call. I may take ten more calls before the break.

55:51 Drew Oh, no.

55:52 Caller Yeah.

55:53 Adam Yeah.

55:54 Caller Yeah.

55:54 Adam Shoes on the other foot.

55:55 Drew Mandy. And by the way, before we don't take calls, talking about taking calls.

55:59 Adam Let me just say this. When they say the shoes on the other foot, do they mean it's the same guy who puts a shoe on his other foot? Or is it your foot that the shoe is on?

56:09 Best Of You know what I'm saying?

56:10 Adam Yeah. When I say, shoes on the other foot, now do I take your shoe and get to put it on my foot, or do I take your right shoe off and put it on your left foot?

56:19 Best Of Oh, it's challenging.

56:21 Adam I'm not sure. It's tough.

56:23 Caller Engineer Chris's head just exploded.

56:25 Drew The shoe is on the other foot, meaning mine now.

56:28 Adam It's my foot. Yeah. You had the comfort and luxury and safety of shoes, now I have the shoe.

56:35 Drew Yeah, now the shoe is on the other foot, namely my foot.

56:39 Adam But still, it says the other foot.

56:40 Drew There's a reason you can't see the other foot, because the shoe wouldn't go on the other foot of the same person.

56:45 Adam I know, but that could be a form of punishment. And also, it's foot. It's not feet, you know?

56:52 Drew Yeah, yeah.

56:52 Adam It's one shoe.

56:54 Drew Don't take calls. Don't take calls.

56:56 Caller Ah, ah, ah. Let me tell you this.

56:59 Drew Aphorisms.

57:00 Adam Yeah. Don't take calls. Let me think if I should take a call. Pow, Mandy, 20 years old. Yeah. The worm has turned. I'll tell you that right now. And Drew, hold on a second. When they talk about worms turning, what do they mean? They mean it is actually turning and going the other direction, or is it turned on you or it was a worm? And now it's fighting back, you know, like a lion?

57:22 Drew Yeah, I've heard that one, but that's not one I've used commonly enough to really understand.

57:26 Adam So what about the shoe was on the other worm?

57:30 Drew My head exploded. Just that.

57:31 Adam Okay. Don't take a call.

57:33 Drew Do not take a call.

57:34 Adam What? What did you say? Don't take a call. Chris, did you say not take calls? Hmm. Not take a call. Let's see. Drew wants me not to take calls, but I am a rebel who does not play by the rules. And you know what? Drew is the voice of the man. He says, don't take calls. You know what I do? Pow. Mandy, 20. Hi. What's up, baby doll?

57:55 Caller Well, I guess I should start from the beginning. I'll make it quick though. I'm 20 and I just had my first orgasm like two months ago. And the only way that it happened, I've been trying forever. And when I asked my boyfriend to pretend to rape me, and I pretended to be like passed out. And that's the only time I had an orgasm. So I was like, since then, I've been like totally chasing that. I was like on the Internet, like looking at porn of like rape and doggy stuff.

58:28 Adam Does he have to crawl in through the window and stuff? Or is he just to be a rapist who's there?

58:34 Caller Just a rapist who's there.

58:36 Drew No elaborate acting out of this thing.

58:39 Caller I guess.

58:40 Drew Do you have a sense that being sexual or being sort of abandoned in your relationship is somehow bad? Or you feel guilty about it?

58:49 Caller Oh, I don't know, I guess.

58:50 Drew See, sometimes, we normally go towards more overt forms of abuse, but sometimes this kind of thing is just a subtle feeling of, oh, I'm ashamed of my sexuality, I'm guilty about it, but when somebody just takes over for me, then I can kind of give in to it. If he would just completely take over, I'm dead, he takes over, well, then I can experience myself sexually.

59:10 Caller Maybe, but I don't think I'm very ashamed of myself. I just think I like to feel kind of feelings that aren't controlled.

59:19 Adam Well, Mandy, so you pretend like you're asleep, he comes in your room and rapes you, do you get to wake up at some point?

59:28 Caller No.

59:29 Adam No?

59:30 Caller No, no, no, I don't.

59:31 Drew When he's asleep, she wakes up.

59:33 Adam Really?

59:34 Best Of Good point for you.

59:36 Adam And do you do any acting, like no stop, or any of that good stuff?

59:40 Drew No Adam, don't ask that, Mandy.

59:42 Caller But it's not that, sometimes.

59:44 Drew He's making notes.

59:45 Caller But he doesn't want to do it, so he won't do it anymore.

59:49 Adam Hmm, yeah.

59:50 Caller So I've had to kind of figure out my own deal. So I've kind of really been getting into porn, and I finally, like for the first time in my life, was able to give myself an orgasm.

1:00:04 Adam Good.

1:00:05 Drew You know, women...

1:00:05 Caller But now, since then, I've been doing it like six to ten times a day, and I've been like really hurting myself. Like my body is sore, and like I can't do it unless I hurt myself. Like I can't like get there unless it hurts.

1:00:18 Adam Yeah.

1:00:19 Drew All right. Well, you're doing too much. But that is something neurobiological that happens with women, is once they sort of get in that place where they're feeling sexual, feeling attuned to things, they're there. They said it'll roll for a while. And that is part of the biology. All right.

1:00:35 Adam So Mandy, if you have not been abused in the past, and you haven't, right?

1:00:44 Caller Yeah, right.

1:00:46 Drew Have you been?

1:00:48 Caller I don't know. I don't know how to explain. Not really. I mean, not like sexually or anything.

1:00:54 Adam What happened?

1:00:56 Caller I don't know. I've been hit, but not like seriously. And I've had lots of boyfriends cheat on me before.

1:01:05 Adam What about your dad? Do you like him?

1:01:09 Caller I guess.

1:01:10 Drew I mean, resounding, resounding endorsement of dad.

1:01:13 Caller I mean, he like since those little kiddies and really open like we'll be watching TV, like we'll be watching The Man Show or something. And he's like, oh, so I'm like, oh, dad, like, I'm in the room.

1:01:25 Best Of Okay.

1:01:27 Adam Her dad.

1:01:28 Drew So between being hit and having a dad that's sort of open sexually, they can actually call it covert incest, premature exposure to sexuality and things, they call it covert incest.

1:01:39 Best Of Oh, really?

1:01:39 Drew Yeah. So it does have an impact on some people.

1:01:42 Adam All right. So listen, something's cooking with Mandy. You don't have to question your sexuality or your modes of orgasm or the way you achieve an orgasm. It's just when you start acting out, I think that's when you got to take a look at it.

1:02:00 Drew Well, and the question is, can she sustain a stable relationship? Can she back down off this Internet porn that she's getting hooked on? And if it doesn't sort of settle down, this is a common condition now. People get addicted to Internet porn. And while running for a little while with it is one thing, but to have it be a constant thing that has consequences and affects her productivity and her relationship, then you got to get help.

1:02:22 Adam You know what I'd love to see, Drew? I would love to see some sort of statistic, like 1971, amount of times beat off in front of a computer. Two times.

1:02:37 Drew Nationally.

1:02:39 Adam Those were two NASA guys who... And that was just over some text, some data.

1:02:46 Drew They're excited about a result they got.

1:02:49 Adam It's sad that something that was sent from like the Viking ship was deciphered and turned from numbers into a text message or something and they just spontaneously orgasm this too. 1975, that number had risen to 142. By 1980, it was up to like 1,700. And the year 2000, the number of people that got off in front of a computer, 400 million, and 2004, it's 1.7 billion.

1:03:29 Drew Then, they had to switch it like the McDonald's signs. The McDonald's signs became not number of people, but number of episodes, and it's 47 billion.

1:03:37 Adam And they started measuring in like gigabytes. Just think about that. Think about the number of guys who beat off in front of a computer in 1970.

1:03:48 Drew It really had to be almost there. Same thing with the phone sex, same thing with VCRs.

1:03:55 Adam Well, first off, how dare you.

1:03:58 Drew What would this fare as the VCR?

1:03:59 Adam For undermining my fabulous point, number one.

1:04:01 Drew No, it's the same number I'm reinforcing.

1:04:03 Adam No, it is not. You're not, and it isn't either. It's not as bad.

1:04:06 Drew You're right, though.

1:04:07 Adam No, here's the thing about phone sex. The second somebody had a phone, 10 minutes after there was a phone, somebody called their girlfriend and had phone sex.

1:04:16 Drew You're right, or farted into the phone.

1:04:17 Adam Or farted into the phone. That was hopefully less than 10 minutes after the phone was invented. That's how it would have been, like Watson, come down here.

1:04:30 Drew I'm sure Marconi did that with the radio.

1:04:33 Adam That was phones, but I say phone sex, maybe not 900 numbers, but phone sex probably started the minute a guy left town and found a phone. As far as VCRs go, the day after someone put one in their house, they got themselves a porn tape. The computer was probably around for 30 years before someone actually squeezed one off. And now you can't stop them. That's all I'm saying.

1:05:00 Caller Yeah, the computer is the crack.

1:05:02 Drew It's the crack pipe of the sexual addict.

1:05:06 Adam Oh yeah, cheap, easy, accessible and very addicting. All right, let's talk to... I'm going to go to line four here. Alex? Yeah. You're 15?

1:05:20 Caller Yep.

1:05:22 Adam Sorry to bother you, baby. I know it's late. We just needed some questions answered.

1:05:26 Caller Yeah.

1:05:28 Adam You're 15?

1:05:29 Caller Yeah.

1:05:30 Drew What's up?

1:05:31 Adam Yeah, you really do sound nine and depressed.

1:05:36 Caller Yeah, I know.

1:05:37 Adam Did you get sexually abused?

1:05:41 Caller Um, no, just physically.

1:05:44 Drew When did that really get going?

1:05:45 Adam Who did that?

1:05:46 Drew Yeah.

1:05:47 Caller My dad and one of my ex-boyfriends.

1:05:50 Drew When did that all kick in?

1:05:52 Caller Well, my dad, since I was little, and it stopped a while. My ex was three years ago.

1:06:00 Drew When you were 12?

1:06:01 Caller Yeah.

1:06:03 Drew Oh, my God.

1:06:05 Adam He was 49 for us.

1:06:07 Caller No, he was 18.

1:06:08 Adam He was 18.

1:06:09 Caller You were 12.

1:06:10 Adam Yeah.

1:06:11 Drew You know, that 12 and 19 match up is such a common one. God Almighty.

1:06:17 Adam What's your dad do? Something with metal?

1:06:20 Caller No, no. He would use either just his strength or his belt. Right, but what's he...

1:06:29 Adam I don't mean he beat you with a welding rod. I just mean what does he do for a living?

1:06:35 Caller He's in the Army.

1:06:38 Adam He's in the Army?

1:06:41 Drew Can you go to any of the military health services to get help with what you've been through?

1:06:45 Caller No. I kind of like just want to stay away.

1:06:49 Adam Well, you're calling from Arizona. He's in the Arizona in the Army?

1:06:54 Caller No, now he's in Florida.

1:06:56 Drew And you're going to college?

1:06:58 Caller No, I live with my mom.

1:07:00 Adam Okay, so you're dancing for her.

1:07:01 Drew I was thinking to myself, well, he's in Florida. He must have left the family. That's where all deadbeat dads go.

1:07:06 Caller No, we left. Yeah, well, he did divorce my mom when I was five, but he would beat me whenever I was around him. Because I wasn't a very good child or something. I don't know.

1:07:18 Drew No, he is a very bad father. He's a bad guy, a violent man. He's an a-hole. Children, think about it. What could a child do to make you want to beat the child?

1:07:31 Adam I don't know, knock over a beer.

1:07:32 Drew No, not you, Adam, her. Of course, Adam, you have a very low threshold, but for her.

1:07:37 Adam Yeah.

1:07:38 Caller Well, I think it's because I was the only one that could see through his lies.

1:07:43 Drew No, it's because he is a disturbed guy and he's an abuser. All right, so what's the question?

1:07:50 Adam Let's mop up over here. You got a boyfriend that's cheating on you?

1:07:54 Caller No, no, he's my ex-boyfriend now. He's been my ex for a day and a half month.

1:07:58 Drew Good.

1:07:59 Caller But we went out for six months. We've known each other for about a year. And I totally fell for him, I'm crazy for him.

1:08:09 Drew Forget it, forget it. Anybody you're totally into is going to be a bad guy. The horror of the abuse turns into attraction in your age group. And that you have to learn when you're really into a guy like that, it's going to be a disaster for you. But he's a good, he's an ex. He's an ex. He's an ex. Keep it that way.

1:08:27 Caller Well, like, okay, you guys are going to think I'm stupid, but like he smokes and he drinks and he does drugs and he cheat on me five times. But like some reason I can't get over him.

1:08:39 Drew Didn't I just tell you that? You got to.

1:08:40 Adam See, Drew, you think you know it all, don't you?

1:08:43 Caller No, I don't.

1:08:45 Drew I just finished telling you who the guy is and that's who he is. Drew, quiet down.

1:08:49 Adam Let me talk to Alex, by the way. Hold on, I got a little gasp.

1:08:53 Drew Oh, no, come on.

1:08:56 Adam That was a good one.

1:08:57 Drew We didn't hear it.

1:08:59 Adam It was good.

1:08:59 Drew It was good. We didn't hear it.

1:09:00 Adam Pack me up, right, buddy?

1:09:02 Caller Yeah, that was nice.

1:09:02 Drew Yeah, we did not hear it. We didn't hear it.

1:09:04 Adam The air moved. Hey, Alex.

1:09:06 Caller Yeah.

1:09:07 Adam Okay, your mess. Sorry.

1:09:09 Caller I know.

1:09:10 Adam All right, you're aware of that. Fine. Let me tell you a couple of things. One is, you cannot judge yourself or live your life by how attractive you are to men. I know that's all you feel you have right now. It's like you're a black comic with no material and all you can do is, what if the president was black? That's what you feel like. I'm saying you're better than that. You got more than that. You're actually, you're funny, you're talented. You don't have to do all that horrible material. You got more range than that. You can study. You can get involved with things at school. You can have female friends. You don't have to compete about being alluring to men because that's going to be a major issue for you and it's going to bring you down and you're going to get pregnant in eight months or a year and everything's going to be a mess and you're attracted to horrible guys and you're going to get your heart broken. This is something that you're not prepared to dabble in. Oh, you think you're big time because you were 12 and you had a 19 year old boyfriend.

1:10:13 Caller Oh no, the only reason I went out with him is because I was scared and he was like, if you don't say yes, we're done.

1:10:21 Drew Here's the point. Oh, you did not say that but that's interesting what you heard.

1:10:24 Adam Here's the point. Stop it. Stop it. Focus on other things and don't get pregnant.

1:10:33 Best Of I can't. All right.

1:10:34 Adam Well, then don't get pregnant.

1:10:36 Drew Then you got to get mental health or help.

1:10:38 Adam Can you get some help? If you cannot.

1:10:41 Drew Okay.

1:10:42 Adam Then listen, forget everything. Don't get pregnant.

1:10:45 Caller I'm not going to.

1:10:46 Adam I know you're not going to. You and every other ball of white trash from Arizona is 15 and having sex with adults, doesn't plan on getting pregnant.

1:10:54 Caller No, I'm still a virgin.

1:10:56 Adam Good. That's my girl.

1:10:57 Drew That's huge.

1:10:59 Adam All right. I'm gonna need to, I'm gonna need you. You know what I'm gonna need? I'm gonna need you to send me a picture of your hymen with a current newspaper, with the date on the newspaper visible once a month.

1:11:13 Drew And a dime for scale.

1:11:14 Caller And a dime for what?

1:11:17 Adam And a dime for scale. Yeah, I wonder how big it is. Yeah, it's good. I like when they do that. I like when they put change next to the, oh, it's as if you're looking at a hearing aid. What is that? The size of a Buick? No, you idiot. Look, there's a nickel next to it. I don't know. That thing could be a huge hearing aid. You could need a forklift in order to get that into your house. No, no, no, look, there's a piece of change here. We got to come up with something better and change, yes? Fruit doesn't work because it moves. I like golf balls. All right, here's the thing. Alex Good, your virgin, don't get pregnant and don't trust your instincts with these guys. I don't think there's anything we can tell her, Drew.

1:11:59 Drew You literally cannot control these behaviors. You must get help. That's it, very simple. Go to a 12-step meeting if you want. Go to a dependency meeting, that sort of thing.

1:12:07 Adam Drew, I'm going to officially say that dime for scale, yeah, funniest thing you've said in four years.

1:12:13 Drew Thank you. I feel I'm moved. It's nice.

1:12:16 Adam And Drew, you know we talk about the yes and?

1:12:19 Drew Yes and?

1:12:21 Adam That is a great example right there.

1:12:24 Drew By the way, now that you explained to me what that works, I'm trying to pay attention. I didn't understand the concept until you explained to me a couple of nights ago.

1:12:32 Adam The telephone in the VCR, not great examples.

1:12:34 Drew Not good. Okay, yeah, I know.

1:12:35 Adam But the dime for scale, solid. All right, we're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:12:42 Caller Call the line.

1:12:43 Caller Love 191.

1:13:05 Caller Yeah! Oh yeah! Get it on! Oh, get it on!

1:13:10 Adam It's the love line!

1:13:11 Caller Woo! Yeah! Yeah!

1:13:15 Adam Yeah! It's a hot song. Yeah. That's not the, it's getting hot in here. Let's take your clothes off song, is it? No. I love it when they play that at a wedding. It's getting hot in here. So take off. Oh, you're close. Please, please. I know. I like the background singers. It. I am so hot. I'm going to take my clothes off. Woo. Yeah.

1:13:39 Drew And you can carry a tune.

1:13:41 Adam Wow. Yeah.

1:13:42 Drew Well, I just got such a vivid picture of that song.

1:13:45 Adam I can do it all, Drew. Don't kid yourself.

1:13:47 Drew I know. I know. I know.

1:13:49 Adam Dr. Drew is over there in New York City. Saw himself in play. Yeah.

1:13:55 Drew Oh, my God.

1:13:56 Adam Yeah.

1:13:56 Drew It's a long time.

1:13:58 Adam Come on, buddy. Come on.

1:13:59 Drew I don't have the words in front of me.

1:14:01 Caller It's all in your head.

1:14:03 Adam Close your eyes. You'll see them. Here we go. Break it down.

1:14:18 Drew Music is like music. Music is like music. You know, that's why I stopped doing that. You know what I mean? Ever since we culminated in that crank anchors, that was it for me. That was it.

1:14:34 Best Of Come on, come on, come on.

1:14:35 Drew That was it.

1:14:36 Adam Best work you ever done. Thank you. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. We're speaking to Justine. Justine is 20, she's in the S&M. It's starting to spiral out of control. It was, it started off the little rough trade, and now it's getting into some like close fist punching and some strangulation.

1:14:55 Drew Not some self, self-mutilation is the thing that...

1:14:58 Adam Self-mutilation and then said was doing that in high school. We can't figure it out because her parents are middle class. Everything's cool. She says everything's fine. There's no abuse.

1:15:07 Drew There's something.

1:15:07 Adam Justine, what's up? What are we, what aren't you telling us? What are we missing?

1:15:13 Caller I don't know.

1:15:15 Drew Did you have ADD, did you have ADD, bipolar? Is there any other conditions you've been trying to deal with?

1:15:21 Caller I'm bipolar.

1:15:22 Drew Okay, what, that's what you could have told us.

1:15:25 Caller Well, I didn't realize that that had anything to do with it.

1:15:28 Drew Anything to do with your mental health would be helpful in interpreting these things.

1:15:31 Adam I mean, if you're doing something that's out of line, certainly by societal standards and you have an emotional condition, go ahead and tell us.

1:15:40 Drew By the way, right there is the biggest mistake that people make about their behaviors. This whole idea of societal standards, throw that all away. We cannot judge, Adam. We cannot judge.

1:15:51 Adam No, we can't judge.

1:15:51 Drew But there is a range of healthy behaviors outside of which people you got to evaluate in the context of there being something else going on.

1:15:59 Adam Well, Drew, just to, you know how I feel about these nut jobs. I just meant by societal standards, I meant the same thing you meant within the range of healthy behavior, but that range is measured by society.

1:16:15 Drew Well, society makes note of it and the reason it makes note of it is because there's a normal range, there's a healthy range. And for the most part, society sort of makes note of it and sort of codifies it in ways that may be kind of rigid and artificial, but for the most part, the reason society notices it is because it does mean something. It does mean something.

1:16:35 Adam Why don't you get some help for your bipolar condition?

1:16:39 Caller I do.

1:16:39 Caller I actually am on med school and it's mostly under control.

1:16:44 Caller Okay.

1:16:44 Drew Also, the self-cutting and all the stuff, there's something else going on here too.

1:16:49 Adam All right.

1:16:49 Caller So here's something that is been over for, you know, But the fact that you couldn't regulate your feelings.

1:16:56 Drew Yeah. Maybe your bipolarity was out of control then, and maybe that was partly what was going on, but the fact that you're all into the S&M and you're sort of needing that in order to feel sexual suggests that something else also happened.

1:17:08 Adam And look into it. It's all right. And here's the other thing too. This isn't healthy. It leads nowhere. And it's something that you should look at as a problem and attempt to control instead of indulging your win.

1:17:22 Drew Right. That's right.

1:17:24 Adam Everybody, please do that. Let me say this, Drew. You're in New York tonight. I guess the Yankees won, right?

1:17:31 Drew Yeah. I saw the last couple of innings.

1:17:32 Adam Yeah. Exciting game.

1:17:34 Drew Watch it with Joey McIntyre.

1:17:36 Adam I just realized, Drew, dropping names from 20 years ago. You know, I was talking over at Kimmel today. I've mentioned before that I've run into more guys from Massachusetts and the Boston area over the last like three years than I've ever met in the previous 37. And everyone is nuts with the Patriots and they're crazy. They're ravenous fans over there. They're crazy. They're sort of like, I imagine they're what Yankee fans would be except for without the sort of security of the 30 World Series rings, you know? They're like, they're as into it as Yankee fans are except for they're hungry and they're drunk and a fair amount of a-holes from that part of the country I've now figured out. Here's the thing. For the last five years, it has been nothing but Red Sox talk at the office. It's Red Sox jerseys, it's guys doing rituals, you know, not changing their shirts, coming in wearing, you know, half uniforms, essentially, and just monopolize discussion, it's on the internet, whatever. And I thought, you learn to accept it, living in Los Angeles, that you're in an office environment with guys that are fans of 30 different teams, and you just sit there. But once in a while, I think to myself, could you imagine for a second this going on in Boston? And I announced today, here's my fantasy. My fantasy is to become rich enough to hire like 10 A-hole Dodger fanatics and send them to Boston and have them just take over a floor of some business and do nothing but monopolize everyone's time talking about Dodgers. Dodger this and Dodger that. Not getting any work done all day, just on the internet, looking up Dodger stuff. Fantasy baseball. Yeah, fantasy baseball. But it's all Dodger talk. And by the way, how long would that last?

1:19:37 Drew Before it's all their ass? Yeah.

1:19:39 Adam Yeah. LA, here's all you need to know about LA. All you need to know about how apathetic. English is a fifth language here in Los Angeles, and you can't communicate with the average guy on the street because there's a serious language barrier. Not only that, but you can go to any place of employment around Los Angeles, sit down and be monopolized with talk of teams from other cities. Nothing but. Nothing but Steelers and Patriots and Red Sox and Yankees. It's all that goes on. There's nothing but that. Where else does that exist, Drew?

1:20:20 Drew There's so much else about Los Angeles that you could say, where else does that exist? And it applies. Where else does that exist? You have a little Ethiopia, but no little Italy.

1:20:29 Adam What are we going to do? When is this city going to get straightened out?

1:20:33 Drew No.

1:20:34 Adam And, you know, here's the thing. There's too much diversity in this city. Like in Boston, they got the Sox. Everyone likes the Sox. And the whole city can rally around the Sox. We got nothing close to that over here. We got a little Ethiopia and La Brea Tar Pits.

1:20:52 Drew Oh, yeah, we got that.

1:20:53 Adam Fantastic.

1:20:55 Drew Christie, take some calls. Take some calls. There we go.

1:20:57 Adam So, all right. Now, now it's off.

1:20:58 Drew Now you're going to talk.

1:20:59 Adam Now I'm going to talk. Or not, Drew.

1:21:03 Drew And let's take calls. No, don't take calls. Do not take calls.

1:21:08 Adam No, I'm going to call.

1:21:09 Drew No more calls.

1:21:10 Adam Shush. I run this show and I say take calls. Christie?

1:21:15 Caller Yes.

1:21:15 Adam You're 23?

1:21:17 Caller Yes.

1:21:17 Drew There will be no more calls on this show.

1:21:19 Adam Aha. I'm going to talk to Christie. Go ahead, Christie. Don't listen to Drew. I make the calls around here. And you know what? I take them too. Go ahead, Christie.

1:21:31 Best Of Well, my boyfriend this morning, we've been together a year now. And as the blue, as you know where he was, like, what would you say if I wanted to move to Texas?

1:21:42 Adam No. No. Dr. Drew, come through the annals of your mind if you've ever been right about anything.

1:21:49 Drew No, no, no.

1:21:50 Adam Okay. He wants to move out of state.

1:21:53 Best Of Yeah. It was just out of the blue, and he never, like, said, will you come with me, or anything like that.

1:22:00 Drew Why is he leaving?

1:22:01 Caller Why?

1:22:02 Best Of He didn't say for sure he was leaving.

1:22:04 Caller He just asked what I said.

1:22:05 Best Of Why? Why? Why? Why?

1:22:07 Caller Why?

1:22:08 Best Of Why?

1:22:08 Caller I think he's scared of commitment.

1:22:11 Adam Why did he say he's moving out of state?

1:22:14 Best Of Why? Why is he going to Texas? Why? Why? Why?

1:22:17 Best Of I'm not sure.

1:22:20 Adam He just said, I'm leaving the state.

1:22:22 Best Of No, he didn't say he was leaving. He said, what would you think if I moved to Texas?

1:22:27 Drew And why was he going to Texas?

1:22:28 Best Of Why? Why?

1:22:29 Drew Why? Why? Why is he going to Texas?

1:22:31 Best Of Why?

1:22:32 Best Of Why?

1:22:32 Adam Why?

1:22:34 Best Of I don't know.

1:22:35 Adam Why?

1:22:35 Best Of I think he has a commitment problem.

1:22:38 Adam Well, why did he say he's got a job in Texas?

1:22:44 Best Of He has family in Texas.

1:22:45 Caller Oh, OK.

1:22:48 Adam I only took 126 whys before we found out there was someone in Texas.

1:22:53 Best Of Oh, my God.

1:22:54 Adam Imagine leaving Christy.

1:22:56 Caller Oh, that'd be tough.

1:22:58 Adam But there's always the phone. Christy.

1:23:01 Caller Yes.

1:23:02 Adam Here's why we're asking why all those times. We just want to know what he said.

1:23:07 Caller What's his motivation?

1:23:08 Adam Not what you thought or not what you felt, but what he said. You want us to interpret what? I understand, Sgt. But there's a difference between someone saying, look, I have a very unique opportunity that may not come around for another 100 years, and it's in a different state. I got to jump on this thing. That's a different thing than a baby.

1:23:27 Best Of I got to ramble.

1:23:28 Adam I got to ramble. Right.

1:23:30 Drew Yeah. And you're asking us to interpret what it means that he's wanting to leave, and you've already decided it's a commitment problem. We have no idea why he wants to leave.

1:23:37 Adam It doesn't sound great, but is there a job opportunity over there?

1:23:41 Best Of No.

1:23:42 Drew Does he miss his family?

1:23:44 Best Of It's just his family.

1:23:45 Drew Does he miss his family?

1:23:46 Best Of But he's not really close to his family.

1:23:49 Adam But he must have said to you something like, I can't find a job out here, I'm going to go to work.

1:23:57 Best Of No, he has a job out here. I just don't think he's very happy with his living arrangements right now and stuff. But he's really hard, like he won't open up to me about certain things. And I don't know how to approach him about what's going on.

1:24:12 Adam I'm not sure if you would hear it even if he told you.

1:24:15 Drew Right, right. He has to say at least 126 times.

1:24:22 Adam I still refuse to believe that he just said I'm thinking about moving out of state. He must have said something like I hate my job or I can't afford this city or I want to move home and save some money.

1:24:37 Best Of He's having financial problems but he didn't mention that before. He said anything like that.

1:24:43 Drew We can't go on. It's all in the history.

1:24:45 Adam Everything is in the history. I'm going to interpret this because I would rather talk to the gnome that gets towed around in the bed of the pickup truck on the Toyota commercial than Christie. I really think I could get more information out of that carved midget. Here's the red coat and the red hat. Here's the thing. He is not in love with Christie. I don't know that he hates her.

1:25:12 Drew If he is, he will say, you need to come with me.

1:25:14 Adam You need to come with me. Here's what it is. This town ain't working out for him. He's getting homesick. He doesn't have any money. I'm guessing because he doesn't have any money, his job sucks.

1:25:25 Drew He's miserable and he's doing geographic. He's trying to make a change or make himself happy.

1:25:29 Adam He's trying to shake things up and move. If he asks you to come with him, that's one thing. If he says, I'll call you when I get there, probably means this thing, you can put a fork in it.

1:25:41 Drew And if he doesn't mention either, pack it in.

1:25:44 Caller Right.

1:25:45 Adam Here's the deal. If he is moving and he doesn't want you to move with him, do you guys live together now?

1:25:54 Caller No.

1:25:55 Adam Okay. And why don't you live together?

1:26:00 Best Of Because he didn't want to rush into anything. He lived with his last girlfriend and ended really badly.

1:26:07 Drew All right.

1:26:08 Adam So he sounds like BS. It sounds like he's packing up.

1:26:12 Drew Yeah.

1:26:12 Adam If he moves and doesn't ask you to come, obviously it's over.

1:26:17 Drew There you go.

1:26:18 Adam All right. Sorry. But look, you're 23. He's 30. He's a loser, by the way. He's 30 years old. And by the way, I started having some success when I was 30. So now I can speak freely about 30 year olds that are losers.

1:26:31 Drew You had a illustrious career in carpentry and boxing instruction and a few minutes of the morning radio at 30.

1:26:38 Adam At 30?

1:26:38 Drew I still would have told you to kill yourself.

1:26:40 Adam All right. Drew, what are you writing? A biography on me or something? How do you know my timeline so well? Christie, what does he do for a living?

1:26:49 Drew What are you talking about every night?

1:26:50 Adam All right. Quiet down. What? Cut him off, Anderson. What did, Christie, what's he do for a living?

1:26:58 Caller He's a cook.

1:26:59 Adam No. OK. He's a 30-year-old cook who has a crappy job, can't afford his one-bedroom apartment. So what? Let the guy go. Let him go. He's a commitment-phobe. Let him go cry back home to mommy and sling his hash.

1:27:16 Drew Unless he asks you to come along.

1:27:18 Adam Unless he has to come along, in which case you got to jump on him.

1:27:20 Caller All right.

1:27:22 Adam Listen, ladies, you're 23. By the way, when a guy is 30 and he's still slinging hash and he can't cut the rent on his studio apartment in Boulder, forget it. You know what I'm saying?

1:27:35 Best Of Yeah.

1:27:36 Adam You don't need that. Go find a real guy.

1:27:39 Best Of Okay.

1:27:39 Adam Let's take ourselves a little break.

1:27:46 Drew We'll be right back.

1:27:47 Adam Please hold. Hey, everybody, Loveline, the man that's Dr. Drew. Yeah, Drew's song, yeah?

1:28:17 Drew There we go. Isn't this a great song?

1:28:22 Adam Yeah, it's got a nice retro vibe to it.

1:28:26 Drew Yeah, a little bit, right? If you like this, you'd love The Cure as far as music. I remember The Cure.

1:28:31 Adam You remember The Cure.

1:28:32 Drew It sounds just like The Cure, though. Yeah, The Cure was in here a few times back in the day.

1:28:36 Caller Yeah.

1:28:38 Drew This is The Cure. Yes, very much so.

1:28:40 Adam Drew, I would like you to make a list of the bands that have been in here.

1:28:43 Drew If I forget, I would know that they had actually been here.

1:28:47 Adam And should pull those.

1:28:49 Drew And show me a picture of Jennifer Lopez in here with us.

1:28:51 Adam Oh, really?

1:28:52 Best Of Yeah. Wow.

1:28:53 Adam And you've had like Kajagugu.

1:28:56 Best Of Oh, yeah.

1:28:56 Adam And it's crazy. I mean, those...

1:28:57 Drew Spriti Politi.

1:28:58 Adam Were those 80s bands?

1:29:00 Drew Catherine Wheel.

1:29:01 Adam Where are they now kind of thing?

1:29:02 Best Of Oh, yeah.

1:29:03 Adam All been through.

1:29:04 Drew They're making dinosaur heads out of the other materials and stuff.

1:29:08 Best Of All right.

1:29:09 Adam I'll call back to nothing. Ray.

1:29:13 Best Of Yeah.

1:29:13 Adam Twenty.

1:29:14 Caller Yeah.

1:29:15 Adam Gay sex addict.

1:29:17 Caller Yeah, I think so.

1:29:19 Adam All right. You cheat on your boyfriend?

1:29:21 Caller Yeah.

1:29:23 Adam How old is he?

1:29:26 Caller He's in the thirties.

1:29:28 Drew How long have you been with him for?

1:29:29 Caller Excuse me?

1:29:31 Drew How long have you been with him?

1:29:33 Caller For like a year and a half.

1:29:35 Drew And you cheat regularly?

1:29:37 Caller Yeah.

1:29:39 Drew How often?

1:29:42 Caller I would say it can be up to like two or three times a week. I just... it's kind of crazy.

1:29:48 Adam Two or three times a week. I guess I can do that if you guys... Where do you cheat?

1:29:55 Caller I just meet people. I just... see people at a coffee shop or at a club or something and... And I...

1:30:06 Drew Wait a minute.

1:30:07 Adam They have to go to a gay coffee shop or a gay club?

1:30:11 Caller Yeah, kind of.

1:30:12 Adam Okay.

1:30:12 Drew He just knows where to hang out.

1:30:13 Adam Alright. You know where to hang out. And you know, in a way, I guess if you're gay, you kind of become like drug addicts where you just... you got to go to the places where the stuff is.

1:30:25 Drew Sure.

1:30:26 Adam Yeah, I know that sounds horrible, but what I mean is... Look, you want to get some sex and you can't be wasting your time in some Starbucks where there's no gays. I mean, you got to go to where the action is. Yeah?

1:30:38 Caller Right.

1:30:38 Drew Well, the deal is right. Were you sexually abused growing up?

1:30:43 Caller No.

1:30:44 Drew No. Really?

1:30:45 Adam Sounds disappointed.

1:30:48 Drew You weren't, really?

1:30:49 Caller No.

1:30:51 Drew All right.

1:30:51 Adam And when you cheat with these guys, oral or more?

1:30:56 Caller More.

1:30:57 Caller Oh, boy.

1:30:59 Caller More than often.

1:31:01 Adam Which end are you on?

1:31:03 Caller I'm usually receiving.

1:31:06 Drew Catcher.

1:31:07 Adam Is that more likely to get a disease? Yes, Drew.

1:31:12 Drew Yes, Adam. Condoms, yes?

1:31:15 Caller Yes.

1:31:16 Drew Okay. And how old were you when you first started having sex?

1:31:22 Caller Like 17.

1:31:25 Drew It's hard to get sexual addiction without first either being addicted to something else or having sexual abuse. So which is it?

1:31:35 Caller Yeah, I'm not sure. I know that it's just like an insatiable hunger that I have. I don't know how to say this syndrome.

1:31:43 Adam Drew, let me say this. Hold on, Ray. I'm going to defend you. As a guy, you have an appetite.

1:31:48 Drew No, I get you.

1:31:49 Adam I would argue that gays may even have a more prodigious appetite. So you're gay, you're 20 and you want to get it on three times a week.

1:31:57 Drew Well, then you should break up with his boyfriend and go do that.

1:31:59 Adam That's what you should do. Is he a sugar daddy?

1:32:03 Caller No, but we've kind of developed a really great relationship.

1:32:08 Adam Stop getting corn-holed by strangers.

1:32:10 Drew Yeah, it's a great way to treat the guy you really love.

1:32:15 Caller That's the problem I have, though.

1:32:17 Adam All right, well look.

1:32:18 Drew Well, then go to SA. Because then you're an addict in general. You've been addicted to something else first and or you've been sexually abused or both. And this has to be dealt with. And if you don't remember it or you can't put it all together, then fine. But you've got to process this material because it's having a consequence, having an effect on your life.

1:32:35 Adam Tyler, AT., any girlfriend or both virgins, she won't have sex, but dating for a year, she religious?

1:32:44 Caller Uh, sort of.

1:32:46 Adam Okay.

1:32:47 Caller Not to an extent, you know, too much, but yeah.

1:32:49 Drew Cyprus, how religious can she be?

1:32:51 Adam Yeah. Does she want to wait till she's married?

1:32:53 Caller You know, she says that, but to a point when we talk about it, it seems more like she's afraid of getting pregnant.

1:33:00 Adam Alright. So she's freaked out because her mom got pregnant earlier, she has a sister behind her.

1:33:04 Caller No, actually her mom didn't get pregnant with her until she was 30.

1:33:08 Adam With her until she was 30, but she has a sister who's in her 60s.

1:33:11 Caller No, no, no. She's an only child.

1:33:14 Adam Oh, really? In her 30s? Yeah. Well, then maybe mom was just... All over her... .nailed that home. Alright. Look, Tyler, you cannot put the screws to her. Pardon the pun. You'll freak her out. She'll recoil. Just play casual.

1:33:30 Drew I'm going to be more honest about what her goals are. But she should declare her major here.

1:33:35 Adam Because you can use birth control if that's a cause. But on the other hand, don't come at her with your junk swing and wind. Just pretend like you don't want it either for about 10 seconds and then jump on her. We'll be back. Well, there you go. Two fabulous hours of the best of Loveline. So, until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:22 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005