Episode 1000672978991

1:27 Adam Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Decent Manager, Babylon.

1:32 Drew And Adam, you came in with articles tonight. I'm shocked. Two of them.

1:34 Adam Yeah.

1:35 Drew I mean, I know what to do.

1:37 Adam I know. You know, things funny, let me say things funny about Drew. God, honestly, honestly.

1:42 Drew Honestly, what's funny? I'm gonna be honest about you. Wait, you're gonna tell me what's funny about me or peculiar?

1:46 Adam Funny, bad.

1:47 Drew Funny, bad.

1:47 Adam Funny, bad.

1:48 Drew Peculiar.

1:48 Adam Drew, I was asking this question my wife. She had no answer for it. But Drew is a, what you would almost think of a sort of a studious guy. He likes to have tasks put in front of him. And another thing I appreciate about Drew is he's open to critique and criticism. He enjoys it. He looks at it as a way to make himself better. And this is why we enjoy it, because I love critiquing. And Drew doesn't mind being critiqued.

2:15 Drew This is a point of feedback for you. There's a fine line in your world between critique and abuse, strangely enough.

2:21 Adam This may cross back and forth over that line many times. All right, here's what I'm saying. Drew is a guy who, if Ann comes in here and says, I need you to read these station liners, Drew wants to do it immediately. And Drew is a guy that really can't sit still for more than a second without picking something up and absorbing some knowledge or something like that. But yet, if you say to Drew, bring in something, give me your thoughts on something, show up with something, he doesn't really do it that often. That often.

2:51 Drew Not that often.

2:52 Adam No.

2:52 Drew I've been actually...

2:53 Adam For a guy who loves this sort of thing, not really. Right. We did a radio show over the Christmas break. I said to Drew, go collect this data, go do this, make some notes, give some thoughts. And the day we were going to go do the show, Drew showed up with nothing and said, I don't have a notebook. Can I borrow a notebook? But that's like a bad student. That's what a bad student would do, right?

3:18 Drew On my desk, I had eight different articles and you had changed topics on me so many times, I thought, I'm just going to go in and react, see what happens. I read everything. I read all the articles.

3:26 Adam You had not a piece of paper in your hand. Everyone else had a briefcase full of stuff. Drew had zero. The F's.

3:32 Drew I had read the article. I'll bring the article tomorrow.

3:35 Adam But you know what I'm saying, Drew?

3:36 Drew Yeah.

3:38 Adam Then, what is that?

3:40 Drew It's something to do with radio.

3:42 Adam It's something to do with radio.

3:43 Drew because nothing else in my life is that way.

3:44 Adam I know. And that's the thing that's confusing, because Drew loves preparation. He loves paperwork. He loves all things academia. But yet, if you told him to go and bring in some thoughts and some ideas and some clippings, he might not bring it in.

3:57 Drew My experience has taught me that if I launch into anything, it ain't gonna go very far before you pounce on me.

4:03 Adam How about bringing something in? You're not even a notebook, Drew.

4:07 Drew Look at all this stuff. These are all articles I bring in constantly.

4:09 Adam All right. Never heard one on the air. I brought in, I, however, the guy who was put on academic probation at LA. Valley College, that is a, and by the way, that is Junior College in the San Fernando Valley.

4:23 Drew Not just anywhere.

4:24 Adam No, no, no. That's not Junior College in the Boston area. That's Junior College in the San Fernando Valley. That's Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior College.

4:36 Drew Got it.

4:37 Adam Okay?

4:38 Drew Isn't that voice great tonight? That's pathetic.

4:39 Adam Yeah. What's wrong with you?

4:40 Drew Sick.

4:42 Adam It's been raining like a MFer out here in Southern California, like biblical style rain, crazy novelty rain.

4:50 Drew What do you think? Oh my God. Should we build an ark?

4:53 Adam It was, the power or the satellite went out over at Kimmel's house today. We're all watching the playoff games and the satellite went out.

5:02 Drew Just from the intense rain. Yeah.

5:03 Adam Just intense, just pelting the dish. All of a sudden, there's 12 guys with no pro football, no playoff football. Guys going insane.

5:12 Drew But no doubt, there's a lot of beer and a bong.

5:14 Adam A lot of beer and bong. And what do we do? What are we going to do? So we all piled in the cars and we went over to my house to go watch it. But when we got out of the cars, it was like, it's like, it's one, sometimes the rain falls from the sky. And other times it seems like it's thrown from the sky. People being pelting, holding their hands up and screaming, holding things over their heads, making noise about 2.30 in the afternoon. It's been running and I can barely see in front of you.

5:41 Drew And it was like that went on for eight seconds. That went on for like four hours like that.

5:45 Adam Yeah.

5:46 Drew Yeah.

5:46 Adam It's nice. So anyway.

5:48 Drew So you brought an article in.

5:49 Adam Yeah. I brought an article. I brought two articles in. And I, you know, one of these, I saw when I was over working over Kimmel's last week. And the other one, somebody brought up, one of the writers had brought up at the table. And I thought to myself, this is why I hate the right. And this is why I hate the left, the extreme ends. And people, I think people think of us as, oh, you guys are righty or lefty or whatever.

6:14 Drew They don't know what to think of us.

6:15 Adam They don't know what to think of us. But there is a reason to hate the extreme on either side.

6:21 Drew So this is the right, the article I'm pointing at here.

6:23 Adam This represents the worst on both sides. You do yours first.

6:26 Drew The one article was a large scale study on the morning after pill, the emergency contraception, the non-abortive, non-abortion, just a birth control pill, just like the one you take before you have sex, but used afterwards. What happens to people's behavior if they're given this pill? Easy access. Guess what?

6:42 Adam We knew because these questions all came up with condoms 25 years ago. Well, if we give them condoms, that's gonna be their ticket to open sexuality.

6:52 Drew And there's an amazing, you point out an amazing quote in here from a woman, Wendy Wright, of Concerned Women of America.

6:58 Adam I did like this one.

6:59 Drew The morning after pill is a pedophile's best friend.

7:03 Adam Which I thought to myself.

7:04 Drew Oh my God.

7:04 Adam I said to someone, this sounds like the world's worst lozenge. Pedophiles best friend, used by Norwegian fishermen.

7:13 Drew It treats women like sex machines.

7:15 Adam With a name like this, it's gotta be good. That would be my lozenge. Yeah, it treats women, this pill treats women like sex machines.

7:24 Drew Yeah, now. How bizarre is that thing?

7:26 Adam Well, here's the thing. Obviously, this is a woman who is struggling with her own sexuality.

7:31 Drew Or something.

7:31 Adam Has deep-seated issues. I would go as so far as to say, she's probably suffered a little molestation, a little abuse. It seems like someone who's survived some trauma. Whatever it is. Or maybe she just has a retarded religious ideology. Fine. Now, here's my only thing on this kind of stuff. You disagree with this being given out to people. You don't like the idea that people are going to have sex at a wedlock. You don't like the idea that people can have multiple sexual partners without the possibility, without what you would call the consequences. That's fine. Good. Just say that's how you feel and try to get sex outlawed.

8:09 Drew I think it's even more. They should say, I don't like young people having sex. But fine. That's fine.

8:13 Adam I respect it. That's your opinion. We can have a discussion about it. But instead, they go lobby Walmart so they don't carry it.

8:20 Drew By the way, there is a group now starting not to be willing to prescribe any hormonal contraceptives, the birth control pill at all. That's a viable position too. If you don't want the emergency contraception and you don't want any hormonal contraceptive or pill, okay, I can understand that. That's a defensible position.

8:37 Adam Right, and just keep in mind, religious tards, the folks you hate so much wearing the turbans on the other side of the ocean over there, they're religious fanatics too. I know your religious fanaticism is better than theirs somehow, but believe me, they believe in their false whatever just as much as you believe in your retarded whatever. And who has to pay? The atheists.

8:59 Drew You know what they've both been agreeing on lately is that the sinners in Indonesia and Thailand were paid for their sins.

9:06 Adam Sure.

9:07 Drew These poor people who were victimized have to be victimized again for being responsible for what happened to them.

9:13 Adam Well, because look, if God did bad things to good people, then maybe there isn't a God. There has to be a reason everything happens. Otherwise, it might bring in a question, their precious God. Now, Drew, there's something else in this article, I believe, that talks about how, you know, the FDA basically did a study on whether it was safe.

9:32 Drew It's always been safe.

9:33 Adam And it's always been safe. But then somebody decided, well, One guy overruled the whole group. One guy decided, I don't need to read all this scientific data. I'm just going to make it.

9:42 Drew Then when he was scrutinized for maybe behaving in a political, having that position for political reasons, he went, well, there's none of that on adolescents. They go, okay, now we got the data on adolescents. Now what are you going to do? They got it, by the way. They got the data.

9:53 Adam So meanwhile, so those who claim to want to put an end to abortion.

9:57 Drew Should be all over this bill.

9:59 Adam Of course, they should be all over the bill.

10:00 Drew This is gonna eliminate abortion.

10:01 Adam They don't care about that, though. They care about people having sex out of wedlock, and they care about what you do, and they care about telling you what to do. They're not so interested in whatever it says they're interested in. Everyone, please understand that. Whenever somebody writes a letter, they should, here's what I'm gonna keep up. I want a list of people that write letters, and they're all on my S list, right?

10:23 Drew And what's your other one? This is not a left.

10:24 Adam Okay, so now this is the far right. This is the religious tards that are effing up the world for us. And then here's the far left. This is why they, it's hard to tell who's worse. I don't know. For some reason, I like the right.

10:39 Drew You like them better?

10:40 Adam I like them better because the left is smarter, but they're angrier.

10:44 Drew Right. They make you feel that by not being a part of them, there's something wrong with you.

10:47 Adam Right.

10:48 Drew The right just wants you to fall in line.

10:51 Adam This is basically a mother in New York who has like five or six kids who is given birth. Well, she has, let's see, custody. She's lost custody of her children ranging in age of from eight months to 12 years old. And neglect hearings dating back to 2000. She has six kids that are in foster care. Six that are in foster care, everybody. And it's all state expense.

11:23 Drew I haven't read the article. Let me guess. The court is trying to get her to stop having children.

11:27 Adam Two of the kids, by the way, yes Drew, two of the six are, she has seven kids altogether. One of them's staying with an aunt.

11:35 Drew Which one's staying with the prison?

11:36 Adam Well, first off, I don't want to say anything, but definitely a Jew. Definitely, of course. Definitely.

11:41 Drew Of course.

11:42 Adam Her name's Jajet, so, you know. It takes in a pile. This is in the Tamlin or the Torite. All right, the point is, I don't know what the nationality person is. It's impossible to tell, but the point is six kids in foster care, one of them raised by the aunt. Here's how you know they're Jewish, to the kids addicted to crack cocaine. And the court basically wants to put her on birth control. And guess who stepped in? ACLU. ACLU. Oh, no way. No way. No way they're gonna let this woman have her rights taken away. Very slippery slope, Drew.

12:19 Drew Slippery slope, Adam. Slippery slope.

12:20 Adam Slippery slope.

12:21 Drew I think they're gonna be hanging children. Moms with... Preventing them from becoming a burden on the system.

12:26 Adam Of course.

12:27 Drew Of course.

12:27 Adam This is where it starts.

12:28 Drew Yes.

12:29 Adam This is where it starts, Drew.

12:30 Drew That is the most retarded logic on the planet.

12:32 Adam Now, sure, she's got seven kids. She doesn't raise any of them. Two of them are addicted to crack. She's had them taken away through multiple court hearings. But we say it's okay for her to not have an eighth kid. And we got trouble as a society. And next thing you know, we have young married couples very much in love with no criminal histories, attempting to have a kid. And the jackbooted thugs coming right in the bed and ripping the child out of the babysitter.

12:59 Drew Or ripping the uterus out of the mother's uterus. Or injecting her with some sort of-

13:03 Adam Slippery slope, Drew. Slippery slope. Slippery slope. It's just like Kevorkian. You say it's okay for him to put people in advanced stages of Lou Gehrig's disease out of their misery so they don't choke on their own saliva in the middle of the night.

13:15 Drew How dare you?

13:16 Adam Next thing you know, your kid comes in for a pop warner. Physical. How old's your kid, Drew?

13:20 Drew 12.

13:20 Adam He wants to play some pop warner.

13:21 Drew Put him down.

13:22 Adam He comes in, wants to get a physical. Doctor puts a pillow over his head, stops him right out.

13:26 Drew What are you going to do?

13:27 Adam Nothing you can do.

13:28 Drew Nothing you can do.

13:29 Adam Slippery slope. You say it's okay for Kevorkian. Your kid gets snuffed out on a pop warner, physical.

13:35 Drew Nothing. Same thing.

13:36 Adam Same thing.

13:37 Drew Same thing.

13:37 Adam Slippery slope. And ACLU, before you dig into them too hard, they do do some good work, like spending tons of taxpayers' money trying to get rid of the very small microsized cross on the seal of Los Angeles, or making sure that guys on death row can't submit a DNA sample.

13:58 Drew Or making sure the type of the copy of the Ten Commandments is...

14:01 Adam Yeah, gets blown up from in front of the library. Yeah, I mean, they're really doing the Lord's work. So you should hate the far left, and you should hate the far right. And we as a society, we as a majority, all of us in the middle, I mean, look at it this way, you got your right, and you got your left. The majority, the lion's share of this country is obviously everyone else. But we don't write letters, we don't pipe up, you know what this country is...

14:28 Drew You know, the rest of us have happiness. We're busy living our lives.

14:31 Adam We have super loud little... Here's what it is, we have loud barking. There's like three super loud chihuahuas on the right, and three super loud chihuahuas on the left.

14:41 Drew And the rest is too much labradors.

14:42 Adam And the rest is just a bunch of labradors, and what we need, we need to crush them. It's time to hop the fence, bite their necks, and put them down. We need them to shut up. Here's what we need to do, shut up. Shut up, go back to your crappy... Go yell at your stepdad who molested you. Stop rubbing your crap all over society, please. You righties, I'm going to build the time machines, you can go back in high school and get laid. All you fat, ugly broads who can't stay in the morning after pill because you got passed over at the prom three years in a row, I'm going to send you back, I'll put a little rouge on it, get some guida to nail you, and then you can shut up and we can all get on with our lives. No, instead, oh, and that's all, the newspapers, every story, every news story, it's all dominated. Oh, they want to take down the Ten Commandments. Oh, they want cigarettes banned from the beach. Oh, it's just so much of nothing. Just please, you idiots, just shut up. All you PETA guys, all you ACLUers, just please, just kill yourself and let us get on with our lives. Just, would you do that? Could we just move forward? Please, please, or go to beloved, whatever beloved country you think is so much better than this one, please leave all the Labradors in the middle alone. We just want to sniff a little ass. I got to take a leak. I want to chase a frisbee. That's all, we just want to enjoy ourselves. We don't want to hear you yapping from the other side of the fence, and that's all you are, it's just yap, yap, yap, yap. All right, Drew, I've done 15 minutes worth of yapping.

16:09 Drew All right, good.

16:10 Adam You ready to rock?

16:10 Drew Yeah, I am.

16:11 Adam Who do you hate more? Who do you think? Who in this story?

16:13 Drew I don't like...

16:14 Adam You don't like the ACLU?

16:16 Drew I don't like this, either side that takes the holier-than-now attitude.

16:21 Adam Right.

16:21 Drew That you have to be foolish or something wrong with your thinking, or you're a disturbed person if you don't see it their way. That's aggressive and angry. I don't dig that.

16:33 Adam Here's my sincere hope. ACLU, this chick craps out an 8th kid, and he puts a shiv in the kid of one of these ACLU homos. Yes. That's the way it works. Then on the right, you can be done with all the morning after thing, and we can just populate the planet with a bunch of unwanted criminals. Right? Perfect. There it is. We're both heading that direction, just putting more criminals and unwanted people on the planet.

17:02 Drew And then keeping them free to do whatever they want. Well, yeah. By the way, are you dying of heat in here? It is warm. What the hell? I've got the thermometer, the air conditioning on 52 degrees. It's 80.

17:15 Adam All right.

17:15 Drew Here we go.

17:16 Adam Antonio?

17:17 What's cracking?

17:18 Adam You're 19?

17:20 Caller Yes.

17:20 Adam What's up?

17:22 Well, first of all, I just want to say I love Crank Yankers.

17:24 Caller I think that show is hilarious. And I've been listening to you guys for years and I love the advice you give.

17:29 Adam Thank you. All new season of Crank Yankers starting soon.

17:34 Drew You didn't invite me to do one this week.

17:35 Adam Maybe this week.

17:36 Drew I'm getting jealous now.

17:36 Caller It's Wednesday, actually.

17:37 Adam I'm very aware.

17:38 Caller I'm very aware.

17:39 Drew I heard you were playing a bunch of old man shows again.

17:41 Adam I heard they were, yeah. Wednesday, what time?

17:45 Caller 10 or 10.30, is it?

17:46 Adam 10, 10.30. All right, everybody. Put that up, Chris.

17:51 Drew Antonio, here we go.

17:51 Adam Go ahead.

17:52 Caller All right, my question is what constitutes that as a healthy sex life? because I don't have a regular sex life and I only masturbate once to twice a week. And I was watching TV and I saw that it's healthy to masturbate at least once a day.

18:07 Drew No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

18:10 Adam How does he say masturbate, by the way?

18:11 Drew Say that again? Tells you to do what once a day? What are you supposed to do more than once a day?

18:16 Caller It's healthy to masturbate at least once a day.

18:19 Drew He said it, he said it. All right. It's not unhealthy to do that. And some people, that's sort of their normal biological rhythm.

18:26 Adam Right.

18:26 Drew But I think twice a week is in believe, I know Adam has trouble believing this, given his healthy and long-standing habit. But twice a week is about average, I think, for a mother.

18:34 Adam Well, not for a 19-year-old.

18:35 Drew Yeah, maybe three times a week.

18:37 Adam Yeah, maybe if you're in a full body cast, that's three, four times a week. But I'm telling you, the single 19-year-old guys, I mean, given the space.

18:45 Drew They'll, yeah, given the time and the space, they'll get around it.

18:48 Adam Yeah, and Tony, I sound like you had a lot of time. I'm not sure about the space part. Antonio?

18:52 Caller Yes, sir.

18:53 Adam Do you live at home?

18:55 Caller Yes, well, for the time being.

18:57 Drew But right now.

18:58 Adam Right now you're living at home. Are you looking for a job?

19:00 Caller I'm actually starting school on Tuesday. I'm starting college on Tuesday.

19:04 Adam So you're in your college?

19:06 Caller No, it's a full school. It's a regular school. It's an accelerated program. So I'll be done in three years.

19:12 Adam But it's, you know, school. What is it? Well, three years. There's no technical school for three years. What kind of school?

19:19 Caller It's the American and the Continental University.

19:24 Adam Yeah.

19:25 Drew Yeah.

19:25 Adam All right. All right. Yeah.

19:27 Caller So I mean, it's not like I'm not choosing to have sex with you.

19:30 Drew No, you're fine, Antonio. You're fine. You're normal. Don't the shoulds and the shoulds. You know, what you ought to and what you should. Those are quite a range there. What's healthy, what's not.

19:39 Adam All right. Drew, what's wrong with you?

19:41 Drew I'm sick.

19:42 Adam Well, blow into something.

19:43 Drew It won't help. It won't help.

19:44 Adam It won't? Well, drink some honey water or something. Erica?

19:49 Yeah.

19:49 Adam You're 20?

19:50 Caller Yeah.

19:51 Adam What's up?

19:53 Caller Well, I've been with the same guy for two years now, and I'm really sure that he's the one, but lately I've been having like these really crazy fantasies about his roommate.

20:03 Drew Oh, well, then of course he must be the one then.

20:05 Adam Well, what's good about his roommate?

20:09 Caller I don't know. I guess it's just like something that I can't have, because I'd never act if I'm like these fantasies or anything. It's like the forbidden fruit, you know?

20:22 Adam Oh, he's gay?

20:24 Caller Huh? No, he's not gay.

20:26 Adam Oh, just call him a fruit.

20:28 Drew What? I don't understand. How long have you been with your boyfriend?

20:32 Caller It'll be two years in March.

20:34 Drew And how's the relationship going?

20:36 Caller It's going good.

20:38 Drew And how often do you guys have sex?

20:41 Caller I mean, it's at least like five times a week. Okay.

20:45 Drew And you're still having a roommate fantasy.

20:47 Adam Well, what's hot about the roommate? I mean, the roommate could just be a very attractive guy.

20:51 Drew Or I'm wondering if she's not getting that mode. You know, someone about to get married, will get a wild hair.

20:57 Adam I'm trying to figure that one out. Erica?

20:59 Caller Yeah.

21:02 Drew She's not gonna help us though.

21:03 Adam What's hot about the guy? Is there something about the roommate that's exceptional?

21:07 Caller I mean, he's not like, I mean, he's not like supermodel type or whatever.

21:12 Drew Does he have lots of other girls going for him?

21:15 Caller No.

21:16 Drew No.

21:16 Adam No. Does he have a girlfriend?

21:18 Caller No.

21:20 Adam Is there some, okay, can you please just answer me? Is there something very attractive about him?

21:24 Drew That we should know? Something specific?

21:26 Caller No.

21:29 Caller It's just, I think it's just the fact that he's there. I mean, cause before my boyfriend, I was just, I was-

21:36 Drew Take that note down, Adam, you got that? It's because, got it? because-

21:39 Adam He's there.

21:40 Drew There, you got it.

21:41 Adam Well, you're having fantasies about a guy and you can't even admit he has nice eyes or something?

21:47 Drew I think it is that she, she opened with, this is the guy I'm settling down. And as soon as a woman really starts thinking that way, sometimes they'll get a, you know-

21:54 Adam Well, especially when they're 20. Okay, so, okay. Here's-

21:58 Caller But he was really sweet.

21:59 Adam There's three things, and we'll rule one of them out. One is the guy's just smoking hot.

22:03 Drew She says no.

22:04 Adam Yeah, okay, we're ruling that one out.

22:06 Drew Two.

22:07 Adam Two. They've been together for two years and it's kind of coasting. Like you're with someone at 18, a little, okay. I'd say it's almost a little mixture, but it's more three, which is they're getting-

22:18 Drew No, no, no. Three, there's other women. She's just got to compete with other women. He's got a bunch of girls going on to him. She looked at her a nice way. I got to get ahead of the line here.

22:30 Adam Drew, please don't talk. Let's get Drew a dry race board, and you're just writing your stuff down. No, that's not three. Three is what you said, which is they're going to get married. She's been with the guys since high school, and she realizes this is about it, which is why you don't get married at 20, and why when you're with someone from 17 or 18, you should break up by 20, and then just keep moving. Erica?

22:57 Caller Yeah.

22:58 Adam All right. Why are you guys thinking about marriage and whatever? Or are you? You're 20.

23:03 Caller I mean, not right now. I'm in college and everything, and I want to finish school before we get married or whatever, but I mean, we do see a future together.

23:13 Adam Okay. Well, look, here's the thing.

23:15 Drew We don't. Obviously, we don't see that future.

23:18 Adam Obviously, and you want to marry this guy? I mean, you've been together since 18.

23:22 Caller Yeah.

23:23 Adam Have you been with other guys?

23:25 Caller Oh, yeah.

23:26 Caller Okay.

23:27 Adam All right. Here's the thing, Erica. Don't think about the marriage.

23:31 Drew Yeah.

23:31 Adam Don't think about the future. Just go to school because when you start putting the pressure of the, I'm going to be with them for the rest of my life thing, then it almost forces your hand.

23:39 Drew You have to act out a little bit. There is a possibility that option two is in here, that things are winding down more than she realizes.

23:44 Adam Let me say this. It's like a bar of soap you're holding in your hand. You start squeezing it, it's going to shoot out. Don't squeeze. And you think like, I got to hang on to it tighter.

23:54 Drew Relax your grip a little.

23:56 Adam It'll stay.

23:56 Drew Just like a butterfly.

23:57 Adam Like a bird.

23:58 Drew You must let it go.

23:59 Adam You got to let it... Set it free.

24:00 Drew Set it free.

24:01 Adam Set it free.

24:01 Drew And if it comes back...

24:02 Adam And if it comes back...

24:03 Drew Then you know.

24:05 Adam No bird ever comes back, by the way. There's no bird. Every bird you see out there, somebody you stoned. They're all ones that got set free and never came back.

24:14 Drew That is the most retarded logic.

24:15 Caller It's true.

24:17 Adam No, I know that the song is retarded, but I just mean there's no bird that's ever come back. Try everyone. Do do yourselves. Do me an experiment.

24:25 Drew Take your bird, put out in the butterfly or any of those nice little flies.

24:28 Adam Let it go. See if it comes back.

24:30 Drew Ever.

24:30 Adam Through every crow you see out there.

24:32 Drew Every day, let one go and see which one comes back.

24:35 Adam Every pigeon you see out there.

24:36 Drew Everyone, somebody let it go.

24:37 Adam And it flew away. Did you know that?

24:39 Drew I have no doubt.

24:40 Adam Chris, did you know that? Yeah.

24:42 Drew Oh, he's a quick one. One more call.

24:45 Adam Let me just say this about the range of pigeons. Pigeons, pigeons are a weird animal that we can't figure out whether we like or not because if you go to the parks, like, oh, pigeons, oh, they're flying rats. They just, they crap on everything. But pigeons, during the war, we used to use them for like carrier pigeons. Pigeons, what bird has saved more human lives than pigeons, if you think about it? Pigeons fly like 50 miles an hour. They used them in World War II and stuff. They put notes on them and sent them back to home base. And they return, I mean, they're sort of smart and they're really fast and they had some use. And we didn't use crows. People don't seem to have a beef with crows. We didn't use, we used a few falcons by the airport every once in a while or a hawk or two. But really, many of pigeons probably got killed in wartime. Probably hundreds of pigeons being shot down and stuff like that. Yeah, but imagine, we should take it easy on pigeons.

25:42 Drew Good point.

25:43 Adam Give them a break, huh?

25:44 Drew Yeah, I agree with you.

25:45 Adam All right, let's take a break, Drew. But let's give pigeons a break. But I'll tell you, Drew, my attack crow idea.

25:53 Drew That's a good one.

25:53 Adam And let me say this. I got a couple of things to say before we go to break. I was watching 60 Minutes tonight. Anyone, Chris, I know you want, I don't want to spoil it. I'm sure Tiva, you know who won. But it ended with the old guy. The thing is, on 60 Minutes, thank you, they did a whole thing on dogs smelling cancer. Skin cancer, urine, bladder cancer, and all of a sudden, yes, dogs can't smell. Now, how many years ago was I saying that these dogs?

26:20 Drew At least four or five.

26:21 Adam Maybe six. Smelling venereal disease. Yes.

26:25 Drew And easier.

26:26 Adam Easier. Easier. Okay, the other, so I'm like Nostradamus.

26:30 Drew Yes.

26:31 Adam I come up with these things, and then, not hundreds of years later, but like six months later, stuff comes around, because I want to hang out and enjoy it.

26:37 Drew Of course.

26:37 Adam You know what I mean? Now, the other thing that's going to come to fruition is my tack crows.

26:43 Drew Oh, you think?

26:43 Adam Oh, yeah.

26:44 Drew For what purpose?

26:45 Adam Well, here's the thing. Crows-

26:46 Drew The police force?

26:47 Adam Yeah, crows are mean. Crows are super mean, and they're scary. And they will easily, you know, you screw with a nest, and then your cat walks around, a crow just dive bombing, you know? You, it's all this non-lethal force stuff. How about three or four crows? Guy's out in front of the bank, he's holding the gun, he's going to shoot himself, he's going to shoot, he's holding the knife, he's got to send in the crows. Forget about the bean bags and the bouncing. Some girl died riding in Boston a few months ago because she got hit with a bean bag. That crow ain't going to kill anybody. But if six or eight crows come at your head, you drop whatever you're holding and run. You have to run and you have to flail.

27:25 Drew Or how about like 30 crows, send in a troop of crows. because then they can't shoot at them or anything.

27:30 Adam If there's a bigger problem, yeah, but this will break up riots. I send in my tac crows, everyone scatters. And then I use them for personal security too. There's my crows. I got four or five crows traveling with me.

27:41 Drew Straighten the rock out.

27:41 Adam They're all just sitting right on the parapet of the building. When I come walking in, when I come out, they're just hovering over my head again. Tac crows. Anyone mess with me? Do they have a little earpiece on? They're so mean. They would do it. It would be easy to train. They're smart as hell. There's nothing you could do. I don't care how muscle-bound you are. I don't care if you're like an 8th degree black belt in Taekwondo. Six or eight crows go coming at your heads, claws and beaks. You just run it. They can't really do any damage. They'll probably scratch it, corny it, whatever. All right, huh?

28:14 Drew Yeah, I like that. We need some law enforcement to call us tonight. We gotta set this in motion.

28:19 Adam We're gonna take a break. We'll be right back after this. Yeah, hey everybody, it's Love Line. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Got my hair cut yesterday.

28:50 Drew Yeah?

28:50 Adam Yeah.

28:51 Drew What can really tell?

28:52 Adam Yeah, I mean, they buzzed a little bit. Wow! All right, but you see that? So it's like pretty much buzz cut, which I didn't want. And last thing my wife said before I left the house was, don't let them cut it too short. I said, don't worry. But I go to model cuts, 10 bucks.

29:11 Drew Is this the same guy that...

29:12 Adam No, this is all husky Latino women.

29:14 Drew Nice.

29:15 Adam And got quite a nice selection of magazines to choose from, you know, they got Latino Entrepreneur, Business Mom, like all these just red book. Here's what I'm saying. I see this at the dentist office. I see that they're throwing one goddamn car and driver. Could you? Shouldn't it be a rule? Just one. Maybe someone with a penis comes in here and wants to look at a car magazine. Do you have to have a stack this high of of red books and in styles and all a vogue and all that on the net? Then there's the one with the haircuts in it. Then there's really had like all the specific one like Latin Mom and Latin Entrepreneur and all that stuff. Just one. Hey, by the way, everyone who came to your establishment, they took a car. It's just one. Just one car magazine. So I was just sitting there looking at reading Latin Entrepreneur Mom or something. I said to the chick, I said, just give me a trim and she said, number four Clipper. Oh, and I said, yeah, I, I, I don't know. I just, I just want to trim. You know, I just want to trim number four Clipper. Okay. I said, yeah, I guess it's okay. And I started looking down at Latin Mom and I noticed big clumps of hair at landing my lap. And I looked up and most of my hair was gone. And I said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wow. This is, this is really short. We, I just wanted to trim. She said, you said number four. I was like, I, I just, okay. I just realized, well, you know what you pay for? Yeah. 10 bucks, 10 bucks. But it's all going to grow back. But I just like, that's my part. That's the part of life. That's where I wish I just had my recording.

31:00 Drew Yeah.

31:00 Adam You told me number four.

31:02 Drew We need the T life needs a Tivo. Doesn't it?

31:05 Adam It really does.

31:05 Drew Let's play it back. Let's say it back.

31:07 Adam I did say number. No, I said, I just said, give me, give me a light trim three times. You said number four, three times and I said, okay.

31:14 Drew If you play it back to them, will they still see it the same way? You know what I'm saying?

31:18 Adam I do.

31:19 Drew The distortions are so profound.

31:20 Adam I do because I see once in a while when John Stossel goes undercover and he shows up at the unscrupulous transmission repair place and he brings a little clamshell video recorder and the guy says, no, I never said, I never said you needed a new seal. And then he goes, oh yeah, well, I have you on video. The guy's like, oh, good day. He throws them out of the place. Yeah. All right. You ready to go here, Drew? Katie?

31:45 Caller Yeah.

31:46 Adam 20?

31:47 Caller Hi.

31:48 Adam Hey, what's up? Yeah.

31:49 Caller Yeah, I'm 20. I'm sorry. Yeah. Hi.

31:53 Adam What's going on?

31:54 Drew What's up?

31:55 Caller Well, I was dating YI for about a year and we were having sex pretty regularly, about five times a week. And I would orgasm from oral sex, most probably like three times a week, four times a week. And we actually broke up a few months ago, about three, I guess, not that I'm keeping track, of course. And after I regained my sex drive about six weeks ago, I started masturbating with vibrator about four, five times a week.

32:23 Drew Wait, wait. Step back a minute. What do you say about after what, your sex drive, regaining it?

32:27 Caller Oh, I like after the breakup, I was just kind of, I mean, I was sad, you know. You were depressed.

32:32 Drew All right.

32:34 Adam That's when I doubled down, by the way, with the masturbation.

32:37 Drew No doubt.

32:38 Adam It's not just tears coming out of me.

32:41 Caller Yeah. So I started masturbating like four, five times a week with vibrator. I like still, I was hooking up with someone else, but I really preferred my vibrator just because I climax a lot more easily from it.

32:53 Drew And it's also less hassle, less ambivalence. If you're really not into the person, it's sort of weird and uncomfortable.

32:59 Caller Yeah. You know, you don't have to shave your legs.

33:02 Drew It's a much better situation. How far out of the relationship are you now? Four months, you say?

33:06 Caller About three months.

33:07 Drew Three months. It takes a good six months to really get over it.

33:10 Adam Well, you're not interested in the new guy you've been hooking up with, are you?

33:13 Caller No. It's, I'm ambivalent.

33:16 Drew No, it's uncomfortable.

33:18 Adam You'd be into him if you were into him.

33:20 Drew Lekati, just start dating around. Yeah, relax. Don't be in such a hurry. Just, just, just.

33:24 Caller See, the thing that's freaking me out is I like, I don't know any other women that masturbate four or five times a week. And it's starting to, I don't know, it's concerning me. Like, do I need an intervention?

33:34 Drew No, no, no, you're fine. You're fine.

33:36 Adam If you start, if you start not going to be part of it, if you had an intervention, it'd be great.

33:42 Drew It'd be weird talking to your mom, your dad, your lawyer. I know you don't want to hear this, but here's how it's affecting me.

33:49 Adam It's affecting me. I live two thousand miles away in Los Angeles.

33:54 Drew My soul grieves each and every day.

33:57 Adam Katie, you calling from Pittsburgh?

34:00 Caller I am calling from Pittsburgh.

34:01 Adam Yeah. Guy's playing the Jets this week, right?

34:04 Caller Yeah.

34:05 Adam Yeah, that's a good game for you guys. All right. All right, baby.

34:10 Drew You're fine.

34:11 Caller Thank you very much.

34:12 Drew You're fine, Katie.

34:12 Adam Relax. Throw that terrible towel down and get that vibrate around. Get busy.

34:18 Drew If you're not having consequence, you're not spending a lot of money, engaging in risky behaviors where you can hurt yourself, whatever.

34:24 Adam Come on. Think about these. I was just talking to a bunch of guys today from Buffalo, always in Pittsburgh, all these places. Of course, LA is just chock full of a-holes from other parts of the country. Come here and go nuts for their team. Here's the moratorium, by the way. Once you're, let's call it five years outside of your old town, you got to shut up about here. I mean, all I do is work with guys from either the New England area, or the Pittsburgh area, or Chicago, or New York, or Buffalo, and I'm just wedged in between these guys. Most of them haven't been home for eight years. That's all I hear. And God forbid their team makes the, I mean, this whole-

35:08 Drew Red Sox, please.

35:09 Adam The whole Red Sox thing coming off the whole Patriots thing, and now going in. You know, as the Red Sox, as the Patriots are winning or are setting the record for most games, one consecutively, the Sox are winning the World Series, and I'm just wedged in between hundreds of these A-holes.

35:27 Drew The Bostonians are known for being quiet and the-

35:29 Adam Yeah, they're reserved. They keep to themselves. Yeah, they're gentry types, like from another era. Or are they drunken and yelling at everybody constantly about their team? Here's the point. Please, people from other cities, please shut up. Please shut up.

35:43 Drew Do they have to support Southern California teams?

35:45 Adam No, just shut up. Just please shut up about your team.

35:48 Drew There you go.

35:49 Adam And I oftentimes wonder about it, like when you see people out here from different parts of the world and they're wearing the flag of their native whatever and they've painted their, put the sticker on their car and it, how obnoxious would it be, by the way? You just, you moved to Canada or you moved to France or you moved to England and all of a sudden you just draped in the American flag. You decide to paint your apartment building red, white, and blue, put stickers all over your car. You're insisting we have parades. It's the 4th of July in my country. We should, really? Would you have a huevos that big?

36:21 Drew Would Americans ever do that?

36:22 Adam I don't think they would, but I'll tell you what they will do. They will relocate from Pittsburgh or New England or New York. They'll come to LA and it's nonstop Buffalo talk, nonstop Steelers talk, nonstop Patriots talk. Please just stop it, everyone. And this is why we have to get a team in Los Angeles because no one will shut up about their outside team until we can get a winning team here. All right. All right. But the point is, is the team loses and the towns crush. Pittsburgh loses, the towns, Buffalo loses, towns. People don't show up to work. LA, I don't think anyone even knows. People don't even speak English here anymore. They really don't. Like they wouldn't know anything, would they?

37:02 Drew No, no.

37:03 Adam Yeah. Lakers lose and there's a couple of guys that are upset about it. But the town in general.

37:09 Drew No, moves along.

37:11 Adam There's many, half this town doesn't even know what basketball is, I don't think. Do they?

37:16 Drew I wonder.

37:17 Adam All right. Let's put it this way. I got my hair cut yesterday. Any of the five chicks who work at that hair place care if anyone loses or wins or anything?

37:24 Drew No, no, no, no, no.

37:25 Adam No. All right. Ashley?

37:28 Caller Hi.

37:29 Adam 21?

37:30 Caller Yes.

37:30 Adam What's up?

37:32 Caller Well, I've been married for three years and been with a guy for about five and a half.

37:37 Drew Since you were 16. Since you were 16 and married since you were 18.

37:41 Caller Yes. So I've had no other boyfriends but him.

37:44 Drew Yeah. We just don't. How old is he?

37:47 Caller Same age, 21.

37:48 Drew Wow. Oh boy.

37:49 Adam What's the problem?

37:50 Caller Well, I swear I hit 21 and I just want to go out and mingle and have fun and meet other people. But I know, so my friends are telling me to follow my conscience, but I don't know which way my conscience is leading me.

38:07 Drew What kind of friends do you have?

38:09 Caller They're married, they're military. My husband's in the military so he's like never home. So I'm always alone and it's terrible.

38:16 Adam And follow your conscience means what? Don't do it, right?

38:20 Caller Right.

38:21 Drew That's what that means.

38:22 Adam Yeah.

38:22 Caller Right.

38:23 Drew To me it sounds like a sort of a subtle approval for going out and doing whatever.

38:28 Adam Well, I think in their own retarded way or telling them not to do it, but they're not doing a great job expressing it.

38:34 Drew You got to figure something out here, Ashley. If you're going to go out and cheat, maybe you ought to really think this marriage.

38:40 Caller Well, that's what I'm trying to find out. No children, no. That's what I'm trying to find out.

38:43 Drew Don't get pregnant. Do not assume that having a child is going to fix things, whatever you do.

38:47 Adam All right, Drew, how big a tragedy is it to you if somebody who's been together since they were 16, they've never been with anyone else, they've been married for a relatively short period of time, but they got married super early. For Christ's sake, they're 21. They've been married for three years already, but there's no kids.

39:03 Drew They should really think about stepping.

39:06 Adam I mean, there's-

39:07 Drew They have the perfect out.

39:10 Adam They're in the military, so they don't own anything. I mean, there's really nothing to dibby up. I mean, it's almost as if- It's almost as easy as breaking up.

39:18 Drew You know what it is? It's when the dealer steps away from the table. I'm done.

39:22 Adam I'm out. Yeah, you know what I'm saying?

39:24 Drew Yeah.

39:25 Adam I mean, if you- Drew, you get divorced now. You got the house. You got the property. You got the kids. You got your wagon sued. There's paperwork and there's lawyers. I mean, this-

39:34 Drew And there's a life, you know what I mean? There's a family and a life.

39:39 Adam Yeah.

39:39 Drew These are young people who were sort of concluding their adolescence together.

39:43 Adam Ashley?

39:44 Caller Yes.

39:45 Adam How devastated do you think your husband would be if you guys broke up?

39:49 Caller Very.

39:50 Adam Very?

39:51 Caller He would probably kill me, kill this other guy, and then kill himself.

39:56 Drew Kill what other guy?

39:57 Adam The guy you're going to cheat with?

39:58 Caller No, no, no. Well, I don't know. Okay. So I was at the beach walking my puppy, and this guy came up to me and was just talking. So we ended up talking for like five hours. But when we first met, I was like, I'm married, and he's like, oh, okay, I'm not. But that didn't scare him away. So we were just talking and talking for like five hours. Yeah, he's so nice. That's what I'm saying. Like, I'm so cute.

40:21 Adam How many times did he call you dude in that five hours? 126 times?

40:26 Caller No.

40:27 Adam All right, so you met a guy and you're attracted to the guy.

40:30 Caller Yes.

40:31 Drew So they're having male attention gets there.

40:32 Adam There is a guy that you have in mind.

40:34 Drew You have a guy on deck.

40:36 Caller Yes.

40:36 Adam Yeah. And is he is he do you have his phone number?

40:40 Caller Yes.

40:41 Adam And does he have your phone number?

40:43 Caller No.

40:44 Adam And your husband is out for months at a time?

40:49 Caller Yes.

40:49 Adam And you live on the base?

40:52 Caller Yes.

40:53 Adam And you've confided in friends of his that you're thinking about other guys?

40:59 Caller It's not a friend. It's some random guy on the...

41:03 Drew No, no, no.

41:04 Adam You've confided...

41:05 Drew In your friends.

41:06 Adam You've talked to your friends.

41:07 Drew Who know him.

41:07 Adam Your mutual friends. Yes. because see, this is trouble because one of them is going to drop your husband a line and maybe this is what you wanted in the deep recesses of your mind. Hold on a second, Ashley.

41:18 Drew Maybe a little bit with the mental health services there at the base.

41:21 Adam I want to talk to Ashley a little bit more. because you're 21. You don't have a kid. Your husband's stationed in Hungary for four months and there's some dude you meet rollerblading who's all ears for five hours. And what do you say to that?

41:37 Drew You say finish this marriage up. Don't just cheat. Finish the marriage up.

41:43 Adam All right.

41:43 Drew because then she'll get it out of her system and think, okay, now I'm fine.

41:46 Adam Do you think she can find him? By the way, what kind of Nimrod talks to friends of her husband about feelings of infidelity and cheating and stuff? Do you think in a part of deep recesses of her mind, they wanted them to say something?

42:00 Drew Maybe she needs chaos. She may be one of those people. All right.

42:03 Adam We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back after this. Yeah, get it on. Gotta get it on. No choice but to get it on. Am I right, Drew?

42:37 Drew You're right, yeah.

42:38 Adam Oh, man, am I right? Hey, can't help but getting it on. Ashley's 21, speaking of getting it on, met a dude on the beach, talked to him for five hours. Amazing how much wind a guy has in him before he gets laid.

42:50 Drew Well, it's not wind. That's just a lot of nodding.

42:52 Adam A lot of nodding.

42:53 Drew She's the one talking.

42:54 Adam Yeah, but he's also like...

42:55 Drew Showing interest.

42:56 Adam Showing interest. Oh, man. Deep interest. I love when guys got that sort of rap. And you know, you women, you compare guys. It's unfair to, okay, see Ashley's 21. She's with a guy. She's thinking about cheating. They've been married for three years. He's out. He's in the military.

43:14 Drew And she's comparing this guy who's at work all the time for this guy who sits and listens to her for five hours. Right.

43:19 Adam And what it is is you're married, your husband comes home, he's tired, he's stressed out. It's like, he's not listening. He doesn't. The new guy, the new guy. Oh, man, he says stuff like Penny for your thoughts. He's, believe me, that guy will stop listening as soon as that you guys get into the relationship and he hits his comfort zone.

43:37 Drew What's weird is that kind of guy that's going to be listening like that to a married woman is really going to stop listening fast.

43:43 Adam Yeah. But right now he's Mr. Bobblehead. Oh, yeah. What, you know, and I like the philosophies, too. Look, I may be old fashioned, but I believe a woman should be worshiped. You do?

43:57 Caller Cherished.

43:58 Caller Really?

43:59 Adam I believe a woman's like a delicate flower. Really? You do? Yes.

44:04 Drew And by the way, a straight guy when he hears that stuff just thinks you should be, women should be diving for cover when they hear that kind of crap from a man.

44:10 Caller Right.

44:10 Drew That is pure BS manipulation. Always.

44:14 Adam Yeah. But of course, the new broom sweeps clean.

44:17 Drew But why? The more egregious the manipulation, the more they buy into it. All the males go, ha ha ha, run.

44:26 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

44:27 Drew What's wrong with that guy? Something's up with him.

44:28 Adam Oh, and they just do that thing where it's like, he yells at me for talking to my friends. I believe a woman should have diversity in her life.

44:39 Drew Her thought should be cherished. She reaches a plum.

44:41 Adam You never raise your voice to a lady.

44:44 Drew All right, let's finish up with Ashley.

44:45 Adam I'm starting to make myself horny, Drew. Ashley?

44:50 Caller You guys are great.

44:51 Adam You talked to this guy for five hours. Lots of good answers. Lots of head nodding. Lots of philosophies about it.

44:58 Drew But the problem is that this was your first boyfriend. You got married too early. This is what happens to early relationships. They sort of wind down. And before, and don't think you're gonna somehow get it out of your system. The scarier thing is you're gonna be with this guy and go, okay, now I'm done. And now another couple years are gonna go by and you're gonna again start feeling sort of unsatisfied, unsettled, and now there may be a kid. No, no, no, come on.

45:19 Adam I say, lady is like a beautiful bird. You let it fly away. And if it returns to you, then there's love.

45:27 Drew It was your, then it was yours.

45:28 Adam Then it was meant to be. But if it doesn't return, if the beautiful butterfly doesn't return, then it wasn't meant to be. And right now you have to fly, my lady.

45:37 Drew By the way, the translation on that is, it wasn't meant to be. Yeah.

45:40 Adam All right, so Ashley, you can't, don't cheat with this guy.

45:44 Drew No, don't cheat. That's just, that's a, that's a dishonest thing to do.

45:48 Adam You're not gonna like yourself for it.

45:50 Caller Yeah.

45:51 Drew You're gonna be that person.

45:52 Adam And what's, why?

45:53 Caller The only thing is though, like, I turned 21, so I wanna start, I've been going to clubs and going out drinking with my friends.

45:59 Drew Oh, well that's better than that.

46:00 Caller And my husband doesn't like that.

46:01 Adam Yeah, now you say your, you say your, hold on, you say your husband who's in the military will kill you, kill your boyfriend, kill everyone if he finds out.

46:08 Drew Do you mean that?

46:09 Caller Yeah.

46:10 Drew You mean that?

46:11 Adam He would. Is he abusive?

46:13 Caller No, not at all.

46:14 Adam Why, why do you think he would, you know, kill everybody?

46:16 Caller because he'd be definitely devastated, he'd be hurt.

46:19 Drew Yeah, but that doesn't necessarily turn people into murderers.

46:22 Caller That's what he told me, so I'm not.

46:24 Adam Well, he told you he would kill or he told you he would be hurt?

46:28 Caller He would kill.

46:29 Drew All right, well, that's why you got to go to the mental health services there, report all this and see if you can get some help with this and get some safety around what's happening here.

46:37 Caller Yeah.

46:38 Drew I'm sure there are counselors there, check it out, okay? This must happen all the time too, with guys away for long periods of time.

46:44 Adam I like to get up about 6 a.m. By the way, he deserves a break.

46:47 Drew If he really wants to stay in this relationship, maybe they have a chance to work together.

46:50 Adam I go for a jog on the beach before I head over to the Children's Center. That's where I volunteer my time teaching and retarded kids to surf. My feeling is that I'll let a retarded kid surf for free. If he comes back, it was meant to be, but if he keeps going, then he'll call lifeguards. Then he's got to call lifeguards. They're getting like medivac unit in there because he will drive. All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody! Loveline! I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-er. All right, you ready to move forward with the show, Drew?

48:06 Drew Ready to rock it, Adam, let's go.

48:07 Adam We got Owen here. Owen from Salem, Oregon. Owen?

48:12 Caller Hello?

48:13 Adam 21, what's up, buddy?

48:15 Caller Well, I just finished reading Dr. Drew's book, Cracked, and first I just wanted to say I really enjoyed it, and I think it's one of the better books on addiction out there.

48:21 Drew Well, thanks, Owen. And someday my friends will read it, too.

48:24 Adam Your friends haven't read it?

48:25 Drew Yeah, that's shocking.

48:26 Adam They've not read?

48:28 Drew Well, one in particular. I mean, he's made a promise to me many times, many times.

48:32 Adam I'm a fan, Drew. You know that. I just, I'm not a reader.

48:36 Drew Yeah, I know. But your wife is.

48:38 Adam She should read it to me.

48:39 Drew She should. I blame, let's blame her. It feels better. All right.

48:42 Adam She should have read it to me by now.

48:44 Drew She should have. I'm gonna call her.

48:46 Adam All right, Owen, go ahead.

48:47 Caller Well, you mentioned in the book, Drew Loveline, that says, I believe that addiction is a function of evolutionary pressure on populations.

48:54 Drew Oh, I do.

48:56 Caller And I was wondering if you'd say a little bit more about that. I'm writing a paper about sort of-

49:00 Drew I don't know of any objective scientific evidence to bear this out. However, if you, what's so funny, my voice?

49:08 Adam No, I was laughing at Chris, who I told to get the music for Chief Thunderbear, and he looked for it on the computer for a while, and then Drew pointed out that- Let me just say this, Chris.

49:19 Caller Well, it's not my CD, I'm sorry.

49:21 Adam I know it's not your CD, but this is your job. You gotta have it. You put it somewhere, do something, make, hey, you know what you do? Make a copy.

49:28 Caller Make a copy, okay.

49:29 Adam Yeah, put your name on it, and then put it in a place where you know where it is.

49:32 Caller Definitely.

49:33 Adam There's nothing, there's nothing around here doesn't take people by surprise.

49:36 Drew Maybe radio, you know, because you pointed out at the show, I pointed out how the radio makes me behave differently too. Maybe radio has some sort of vapor that sucks people's-

49:45 Adam I would assume then that everyone was a genius outside of these walls.

49:48 Drew Yes, it could be. I mean it's possible.

49:51 Adam Maybe it's radon gas that gets pumped into the studio.

49:53 Drew Some sort of vapor.

49:54 Adam People-

49:55 Drew We lose our motivation.

49:57 Adam Yeah, well maybe that's what it is. But anyway, I told him to find the chief thing and he looked on the computer for a while and then Drew said it was a CD. So he looked for the CD. I was only laughing because he turned to look to me and gave me that look in 70s movies when the doctor would lift his head up and pull his mask down. He's not going to make it. That was that look where we will not be having that CD.

50:18 Drew You know, I have a feeling it's actually Michelle's. She brought it in her own.

50:21 Adam You think she took it?

50:22 Drew I think it's her own thing. I do.

50:24 Adam I think she left it because I think we have played it when she wasn't here. All right. Let's keep going.

50:30 Drew Okay. So, Owen, this is simply an observation. If you look at populations where there is the most intense biological predisposition for this disease, if you look at the globe and see where addiction has a very high prevalence.

50:45 Adam Where is it?

50:45 Caller Russia?

50:45 Drew At a very high intensity, well, you find Scotland, Ireland, Central Europe, and North American Indians. And if you...

50:52 Adam How dare you, Drew? You're judging.

50:55 Caller No.

50:55 Drew I'm a... What do they call? I'm profiling.

50:57 Adam You're profiling.

50:58 Drew I'm profiling.

50:59 Adam You're saying that every single person of Scottish descent has a problem with alcohol.

51:05 Drew No, I'm not saying that.

51:06 Adam They don't all have a problem.

51:08 Drew No.

51:09 Adam Well, then you're profiling.

51:10 Drew So what I'm saying...

51:10 Adam You're using race to profile, Drew.

51:12 Drew That these are...

51:13 Adam Now, I'm not gonna listen anymore.

51:14 Drew Don't listen.

51:15 Adam I can't. Please don't listen.

51:16 Drew Please don't listen.

51:18 Adam You're saying that we're not individuals, okay? You're judging. You're judging...

51:24 Drew I'm saying we're biological brains.

51:26 Caller Adam, in the book, he also says that such people tend to be smarter, more sensitive, and richer. So he's saying good things, too.

51:31 Adam But you can't say good things. Like, you can't say black guys have big penises or have a good vertical leap. That's profiling and judging and racism. Anytime you draw a distinction between anything that lives, that's profiling, that's judging.

51:47 Drew So you say a gerbil is different than a rabbit.

51:49 Adam You judge, you judge, you judge. Judging.

51:52 Drew So let's use a little judgment here again. So particularly isolated populations like Ireland and Scotland, what is it about those populations they all have in common? Well, if you kind of examine that, they've had genocidal military assault over multiple generations, repeated generational assaults. What I see is that populations that are severely distressed like that are severely stressed. What tends to emerge is the survivors tend to carry with them this gene for alcoholism. And so, alcoholism is really a survivor gene. That what is natural selection but the survival of the fittest. Now, no one says just because the fittest survive and are more capable of surviving in adversity that they don't bring with them some other problems. Now, if we didn't distill spirits and screwed around hydroponics and create benzodiazepines and vicar, these people would just be better survivors.

52:36 Adam What about loads?

52:37 Drew And loads.

52:38 Adam That's what my people are into.

52:39 Caller I have one quick follow-up question. Do you think it's more of a genetic thing? Like, is it just the genes that get passed down? Or is there something sort of sociological in these populations?

52:48 Drew It's not sociological. There are always environmental elements. It's about 60% of it is accounted for on genetics alone and about 40% on environment. I would suggest you look up the work of a fellow by the name of Mark Shuckett at UC San Diego. Can you spell it? I think it's S-C-H-U-K-I-T.

53:09 Adam It's important not to profile.

53:12 Drew It's important.

53:12 Adam It's very important because here's the problem.

53:15 Drew We cannot judge.

53:16 Adam Well, profiling, you start profiling, then you start judging. And, you know, if my kid ever got abducted and they sent over one of those FBI profilers, I would tell him, get back in your beige LTD and haul your ass back to Quantico, Virginia. I will have no profiling done in this house. No, it's very dangerous. You certainly don't want...

53:41 Drew It's a slippery slope.

53:42 Adam Yes. I mean, sure.

53:43 Drew If we start realizing, if we start seeing patterns in human population, the next thing...

53:47 Adam No, no, can't judge.

53:48 Drew We'll start genocide.

53:49 Adam Yeah.

53:49 Drew Or we'll start...

53:51 Adam Here's the point. Here's what I really love about the retarded profiling point, which is, yeah, just because of 85% of kids that are abducted or abducted by somebody they know that lives within a three block radius and is usually like a white male...

54:06 Drew We can't think that way...

54:07 Adam .between the age of...

54:08 Drew Stop it, stop it...

54:09 Adam .of like 30 and 45.

54:10 Drew You're speaking, spewing the devil's word.

54:11 Adam I know, but it's like, so are you saying that every white male within a three mile radius is guilty? No. Well, then you can't do it. Like that's really the...

54:20 Drew That's the logic.

54:20 Adam That's the logic. Yeah, you're right.

54:22 Drew You're right.

54:23 Adam Listen, everybody, profiling, good thing. That's why they have profilers. That's what they use. This is how they just figure out who's got your kids.

54:31 Drew That's how probability works, how science works. That's how it works.

54:34 Adam Yeah, here's what you do. Every time a kid gets abducted, you do a little sheet and you go, hmm, what color was the dude? Oh, it was a guy. So it was a male and he was how old? And he was what color? And he lived within with her? And he had a prior relationship. All right, next time it happens, we'll go out and look for that guy. That's how it works.

54:53 Drew That's why they keep records, by the way. After those checks are made 14 times in a row.

54:57 Adam These patterns start to emerge. There you go.

55:00 Drew Yeah.

55:00 Adam Can't do it though. All right. Oh, ACLU suing Logan Airport, by the way, for profiling. Yeah, they're doing the Lord's work over there. They really are. Okay. You're ready to rock?

55:10 Drew I guess we need to bring this airport. By the way, the airport's gotten worse. I guess.

55:16 Adam I don't know. It's all disaster and it's all nobody wants to... These other countries must be laughing their asses off at this country, by the way. Oh, yeah. Chris, how'd you do over there with the Chief Thunderbear music?

55:30 Caller I'm going to color tomorrow.

55:31 Drew Tomorrow?

55:31 Caller Coffee. Or do you want me to color right now?

55:34 Adam No. No. You sure it's not in that pile?

55:36 Caller I looked all over.

55:38 Adam All right. Okay. All right, buddy. Let's talk to Monica. She's 21.

55:44 Caller Hey, Adam. I just want to tell you that I had the biggest crush on you since you were on 98.5.

55:50 Caller Yeah.

55:51 Caller Drew, you are right about the guys, the girls wanting the guys that other girls all want. Yeah, yeah. I just wanted to tell you that.

56:00 Drew I was reading a book written by a woman tonight where she was talking about how women have a tendency to want to have something while their peers have nothing. You know what I mean? That's sort of the basic impulse is I'm going to have it and you have nothing.

56:13 Adam Right.

56:14 Drew That's interesting.

56:15 Adam Yeah, the cruel women. Very cruel. And that's why you got to set them free and then slam the goddamn window, draw the drapes and go in and start beating off to some softcore Cinemax porn.

56:26 Drew Nice.

56:26 Adam That's what they say, Drew.

56:27 Drew That's what they say.

56:28 Adam If you love someone, you got to toss them and beat up the door and then you beat off to Savage Island, 1980s trilogy on Cinemax. Go ahead, Monica.

56:40 Caller All right. So I know I could get you started talking about, start talking to me about this because of how you feel about right-wing people. So I was brought up in an extremely religious background. And I pretty much have been, so I pretty much have been traumatized and about had a proper relationship with the guys.

57:09 Adam So you're religious, your family's religious?

57:12 Caller Very religious, Christian.

57:15 Caller Catholic?

57:17 Caller I guess I can't really even look at guys and I, before I have a serious kind of relationship to let people in, right?

57:32 Drew What is it you're afraid is going to happen?

57:35 Caller because I have to save myself for a marriage. I don't think that a lot of, I don't think I could really have like a proper social life.

57:46 Drew Are you afraid that you're going to, if you even open the door to a relationship, you'll sort of slip into a sexual relationship and be unable to sort of prevent that from happening?

57:54 Caller Right.

57:55 Drew Well, that's not necessarily true, right, Monica?

57:58 Caller I don't know because I don't want to sound conceited or anything, but I'm pretty attractive and I'm young and I think I would like to think I have a lot going for me.

58:09 Drew And well, but maybe there's a good, maybe you'll find a guy that's willing to wait for that.

58:13 Adam Are you a virgin?

58:14 Caller No, I'm not.

58:16 Drew Now I'm very confused.

58:17 Caller I've been high school. I mean, I messed around, but now I want to actually be serious and-

58:26 Drew Wait, Monica, we are very, very confused and this, I guess, is what certain kinds of-

58:31 Adam Did you have a boyfriend and did you have sex with him?

58:36 Caller I'm sorry, what?

58:37 Adam Did you have a boyfriend in high school? Yes. All right.

58:42 Caller I've had a boyfriend in high school. Yeah, I've had a boyfriend in high school. And yeah, we used to sleep together. And but not now I want to kind of save myself for marriage now.

58:54 Drew But you can't you can't save yourself.

58:56 Adam I'd like to go back and like the quarterback, like my Pop Warner football team to Drew. I feel like I feel like I could quarterback these phallic Trojans, Gremlin team.

59:06 Drew I don't know about that.

59:07 Adam But well, when I was playing at the time, I was only eight or nine and they had me playing defensive tackle and I feel like I play quarterback now.

59:14 Drew OK, well, you could save yourself for that.

59:16 Adam I go back and do that.

59:17 Drew That's nice.

59:17 Adam All right. I got to get going.

59:18 Drew Let's go.

59:19 Adam I got to run through some tires. Yeah.

59:21 Drew All right.

59:21 Adam She wants to save herself for marriage all over again.

59:23 Drew Yeah.

59:24 Adam OK.

59:24 Drew Monica.

59:25 Adam Well, look, Monica, that's a retarded logic. Drew, please, would you hawk up something? Look, I understand you don't want to run up. Maybe you don't want to run your numbers up.

59:34 Drew Well, yeah, you don't want to have to sleep with a guy. That's fine. But to save yourself, it's too late. You made a decision and you didn't save yourself. And that's fine. And if you don't want to have a particularly sexual relationship, that's fine, too. You will find a guy that's interested in that. But why is it? You said you were abused, right?

59:51 Caller No, I didn't say that.

59:53 Drew You said the religious orientation abused you or traumatized you. You said traumatized you.

59:57 Caller Yeah, I think so.

59:58 Drew What was the trauma? Describe to me what the nature of the trauma was.

1:00:04 Caller Very, very strict. Everything was from the devil. I couldn't really do anything.

1:00:12 Drew So you're going to go to the devil. You're going to live in hell if you have sex again, right?

1:00:18 Adam Or the first time. Monica, let's forget about all this nonsense.

1:00:22 Drew But maybe she's just talking to a clergy who can sort of straighten her out a little bit because this is sort of, you're all over the place with your thinking. And because of this crazy-

1:00:29 Adam Thinking? You're calling that thinking?

1:00:32 Drew because of the thinking, though, she is unable to have a relationship with a peer, which is sad. And so it's time to go out there and actually have, I'm sure, a clergy that is worthwhile would spend time talking to you, but sort of reconciling all of your relationships.

1:00:43 Adam Let's get on with your life. Are you living at home, Monica?

1:00:46 Caller Yeah.

1:00:47 Adam All right, get out of the house. Where are you going? Junior college?

1:00:50 Caller Yeah.

1:00:51 Adam Shocking. How about you get out of junior college, you get out of your crappy house, you get a decent job, you get a roommate and you get going with your life. You're 21. What's going on with junior college?

1:01:04 Drew She's waiting to be said.

1:01:04 Adam Engineer Chris, hold your ears for a second.

1:01:07 Drew She's waiting to be plucked, you see.

1:01:09 Adam Yeah. Just go get a job.

1:01:11 Drew To give yourself.

1:01:12 Adam Get a roommate, get out of the house and start becoming an adult. You're 21. Listen, I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. I really, I really do. You know, we live in a society where if parents smoke around their kids, we want to call that child abuse. But if they fill their head with fairy tales about the devil and the God and Jesus Christ and the personal relationship or their Jehovah's Witnesses or their, or their Quakers or Shakers or Amish, they don't let their kids use stuff that plugs in or they're Hasidic Jews, you know, the kids can't turn on power equipment on a Saturday. That's not abuse! What, you think those kids would naturally drift into your retarded religion if you just left them alone? Stupid kids got the pay-offs growing off the side of his head and he's wearing a bowler and dressed up, dressed like Harrison Ford in The Accused. What was that movie? Witness, Witness. But look, that's abuse. What they do to these people is abuse, Drew.

1:02:12 Drew Monica's behalf, she has a religious belief and because she's afraid and feels guilty, she has is concocting all kinds of ways of trying to reconcile these things.

1:02:21 Adam Yes.

1:02:21 Drew She needs to sit down with somebody who helps her reconcile.

1:02:24 Adam Yes.

1:02:25 Drew It's consistent with her own beliefs. They're not going away. They're not going to go away.

1:02:28 Adam I'd be nice if they just went away.

1:02:30 Drew So she needs to sit down and talk about what the fact that she had sick was that mean? Does she need to make amends for that? How does she plan going forward and not hide? Certainly, any clergy is not going to hide herself.

1:02:41 Adam But look, you're not going to get anything out of the idiots at the junior college. Get out of that junior college. You're 21. You're wasting your time. You're wasting my tax dollar. You're wasting everyone's time. Just get out of the junior college. Get a job. Get a roommate. Get out of the house.

1:02:54 Drew Well, that certainly she needs just for her own well-being. Competency. She needs some competency.

1:02:58 Adam And listen to me, all you screwed up kids out there with your idiot parents, get out of the house. Get out. And don't give me that, oh, you can't, I got out of the apartment. I'm moving to one bedroom with the Wheeze. You know the place? It was on laurel Canyon, North High. It was like 425 bucks a month. All we had to do is come up with about 220, 215 each. And we were out of there. Yeah. I mean, to get into the apartment. Yeah. You can get a one bedroom for four or 500 bucks. I mean, you got to get a roommate. Now you get like a futon, you put it down there. You know, we stumbled up on the futon.

1:03:33 Drew I was just reading a book review today about how Abraham Lincoln must have been gay because he slept next to a man.

1:03:37 Adam Me and the Wheeze.

1:03:38 Drew You and Wheeze.

1:03:39 Adam Well, I think it was the oral that made us gay. But the point is, even that, I slept next to my buddy on the same futon for a year and a half just to get out of my crappy house. Just get out. And believe me, I didn't have a job. I made eight bucks an hour. I didn't have any insurance and have anything. He didn't have anything either. We both had crap. Just get a crappy job. Get out of the house. Start fending for yourself. Start making things work for yourself.

1:04:02 Drew Start cleaning carpets.

1:04:03 Adam Start cleaning carpets. And I don't mean oral sex on women. I mean actually get the steam unit out.

1:04:08 Drew Monica was a beautiful woman. Think about how many more opportunities she would have than a guy like you at 20. Oh, my goodness.

1:04:15 Adam Yeah. I mean, if you're a good looking chick, you just get a job hostessing at an upscale restaurant or bar backing or something. You get a lot of tips and you get some rich boyfriend. Just everyone, quit the junior college. I would like to go on a junior college speaking engagement where I just start yelling at everyone. Get out of the house. Get out. Here's what it is. Adam Carolla will be speaking in the auditorium today at 1. Everyone gathers in. Thank you. Thank you for coming. Get out.

1:04:41 Drew Get out of here.

1:04:41 Adam Move. Look at my watch. What time? What day is it? It's Tuesday. What time is it? One o'clock.

1:04:47 Drew Get out.

1:04:48 Adam Go to work, you idiots. Get out of here. Go. I would like, you know, junior college people are so stupid. All you got to do is make a loud noise. They're like seals. So, you know, I just start making noise, and I'll start scattering. So I just run out and they just go get a job. That's it. Then I start turning into the junior colleges and as you know, they have penal systems. Work camps. Work them out.

1:05:11 Drew That'd be good.

1:05:12 Adam Yeah, start making that cheap knockoff belts and Gucci purses and stuff like that.

1:05:16 Drew No license plates?

1:05:18 Adam No, because I got to cash in. Oh, that's right. I don't see anything off the plates. All right. And that'd be great. Speaking, I would tour the entire country speaking to junior college kids, just screaming. And oh, I would use an Asian interpreter. I get a Japanese, a Chinese.

1:05:36 Drew Those people, you don't want them to leave.

1:05:37 Adam That's right. That's why you use interpreter. He would be saying, don't leave in the native tongue. The white people wouldn't hear. They wouldn't understand.

1:05:44 Drew Yeah, just different speech.

1:05:45 Adam Yeah, so before-

1:05:46 Drew Finish up quick. Finish up, go on to four year.

1:05:47 Adam Before I went up and in there, I'd be like, first, Chow Young Fat has some of the thing. And he'd just be like, ning, nong, nong, wong, wong, and everyone'd just be nodding their head. And he'd be saying something like, do not mind the man with the brillo hat. Do not, let's stay in your seats.

1:06:00 Drew Study hard.

1:06:01 Adam Then I'd just come in and start screaming, get out, you losers, get out! And they all leave, leaves all the Asians.

1:06:07 Drew To finish up.

1:06:07 Adam Finish up.

1:06:08 Drew Go to college.

1:06:08 Adam Transfer, get the nursing certificate, whatever it is, and then we all have a great society. All right? Thank you.

1:06:16 Drew If we get the morning after pill most likely.

1:06:17 Adam Thank you.

1:06:18 Drew And the issue of you out of there.

1:06:19 Adam Chris, what's going on, buddy?

1:06:20 Drew I'm sorry, did you say something?

1:06:22 Adam 28? You're in junior college, right? Yes. When are you wrapping up, buddy?

1:06:28 Drew I don't know.

1:06:29 Adam It's coming though, right? Yeah.

1:06:31 Drew Well, now wait a minute. You should have started. You should have finished up that math class from last semester.

1:06:35 Caller I did. I did.

1:06:35 Drew What are you studying this semester? What are you studying this semester? Biology. Biology.

1:06:40 Adam Biology.

1:06:40 Drew Why don't you tell us? Oh, okay.

1:06:42 Adam Well, Drew could help you.

1:06:43 Drew It hasn't started yet. It hasn't started yet.

1:06:45 Adam I took a biology class in junior college, but as soon as we went into the lab, I was like, I'm going to shine this noise.

1:06:51 Drew Why haven't you started yet? It's January. It hasn't started yet. What did you take? You last semester took the math. Yes.

1:06:58 Adam Now you take one biology class?

1:07:00 Drew Yeah.

1:07:00 Caller It's with the lab though.

1:07:01 Adam With the lab. What time does that start? Four in the afternoon?

1:07:04 Caller Something like that.

1:07:05 Drew The lab, yeah.

1:07:06 Adam All right. No, I mean the class.

1:07:08 Drew And then if you have any questions, biology was my major in college.

1:07:10 Adam Drew will help you. And then when you graduate, now you finish the biology class, then what?

1:07:17 Drew Then I get my AA.

1:07:19 Adam Oh, you will graduate?

1:07:20 Drew Yeah. After the biology class? Yes. That's all you need to graduate? That's all I need to graduate with an AA. Oh, we gotta make sure you get this. We gotta make sure you can pass with this.

1:07:26 Adam All right, but I'm still gonna do some math because you'll be 29 with your AA. So that's 11 years for two year degree. You'll all be 28. 28. You'll have it at 28.

1:07:36 Well yeah, I just turned 28.

1:07:38 Adam Okay, so 28. Oh, that's different. So 10 years for two year degree. So it's 20 years for four year degree.

1:07:44 Caller Yeah.

1:07:44 Adam I'm doing the math. So 20 years, you'll be 48. You'll have your four year.

1:07:49 Caller Tiver take, yeah.

1:07:50 Adam And you'll be able to start in the mail room. All right, buddy. I'm gonna get you. You know what you gotta get into? Welding. That's where the money is. I'm gonna get you a trade. Then where you transfer? Do you transfer to a four year school?

1:08:03 Drew Yes.

1:08:03 Adam And then what?

1:08:05 Drew I don't know. We'll see what happens.

1:08:07 Adam All right, buddy. I could get you. I could fast track you if you wanted. I could get you a try. I could start learning your trade.

1:08:13 Drew We're going to take a break and then we're going to have a visit from Chief Thunderbear.

1:08:17 Adam No, we're not because we're going to have the music and he won't come in here.

1:08:20 Drew What? Without the music?

1:08:22 Adam He will not. He's playing Tetris. He's very upset. He needs the music. He can't do it.

1:08:29 Drew Since when? Well, then how about a conclusion to Submarine Ripoff, whatever our story was called?

1:08:34 Adam Yeah, I don't know. I haven't worked that one out. All right, buddy. So there'll really be nothing when we come back.

1:08:39 Drew Yeah.

1:08:40 Adam All right. After this.

1:08:45 Drew We'll be right back.

1:08:46 Adam Please hold. Yeah, Loveline. You know, Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-L-E-E-1-9-1. Well.

1:09:06 Drew What do you think about Thunderbear? What do you say?

1:09:09 Adam I talked to him out in the hall. He wasn't excited about it, but some kids came down to watch the show.

1:09:15 Drew See what I'm saying?

1:09:17 Adam And the kids really wanted to see Chief Thunderbear, and he's not a fan of children, but I told them they're refugees from the tsunami.

1:09:31 Drew They're Australian tourists. They don't look Asian.

1:09:35 Adam No, they don't look Asian, but you know Thunderbear, he only knows, you know, he knows Sunni, he knows a few other Mohawk, he knows a few other American Indian tribes, and that's about it. I don't think he knows the difference between Filipino or Vietnamese or any of this kind of stuff. So, I told him, and I don't want to tell him any differently, that these kids that are here tonight were refugees from the tsunami and he wanted his, you know, he doesn't go anywhere without his tribal tom-tom music, but he said he'd come in here because it was for them.

1:10:09 Drew Oh, that's nice. Okay, good.

1:10:10 Adam Yeah. So, you want me to get him?

1:10:11 Drew Yeah, would you? Well, let's just hear about Julia really quick first, so we can sort of set this up.

1:10:16 Adam What's the best, most effective method of abortion? All right. Well, why don't you talk to her? I'll get him. Now, look, he knows, he speaks Choctaw.

1:10:27 Drew He's been coming up with a remarkable amount of English recently.

1:10:30 Adam He has, because I think he's from watching a lot of American TV. And he's been staying here stateside.

1:10:37 Drew I find it very unsettling when he speaks English.

1:10:39 Adam He's gynecologist. He's American Indian. He's very spiritual. Let me go get him.

1:10:45 Drew And Julia.

1:10:46 Caller Dr. Drew.

1:10:47 Drew Hi. Chief Thunderbear, the North American Choctaw speaking only, hopefully, kind of college will be in a second. Thunderbear! Are you okay?

1:10:57 Caller Yeah, I'm fine. Okay.

1:10:59 Drew What's your question?

1:11:01 Caller I was going to schedule an abortion, but I am kind of nervous about surgery. Plus, I knew someone who had the, I think it's, are you 486? Is that the name of the pill? That causes a miscarriage?

1:11:16 Drew I'm going to interrupt you one second. Oh my goodness, Chief Thunderbear. Thank you for coming in. I appreciate that.

1:11:22 Adam Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Chris, guess what?

1:11:26 Drew I know. I'm sorry, Chief. He's very upset, Chris, that you didn't, he can tell that the music wasn't here for him. What do you call that, a tom tom? So he can say his prayers, so he can feel like a...

1:11:40 Adam So he can feel that he's in his home territory.

1:11:47 Drew Well, that's sacred territory, Chief. That's sacred territory for the Junior College students, Chief.

1:11:52 Caller I'm sorry.

1:11:55 Drew Thank you for the blessing.

1:11:56 Adam Yeah, hey, when the hickens, hey, and then the hay with the rain down.

1:12:00 Drew I know, I know, I know. Yes, it's been wild weather, and can you, can you, do you have an unread? A rain dance? Can you perhaps do for us? We'll get back to the room, to go with the abortion. Okay, yes.

1:12:13 Caller So, yes, Julia's calling, and she, oh, Chris, Chris, Chris, at least get us some coffee.

1:12:18 Drew I mean, he's mad enough about not having the tom tom music.

1:12:21 Adam Warm up. Say it, say it. Come on, let's go.

1:12:25 Drew Let's go. He's learned the word warm up. It's pretty good. Chris, Chris, don't laugh at him. He's going serious. Junior college.

1:12:36 Adam No.

1:12:38 Drew Not in the shape. It's a pretty big problem in our country.

1:12:44 Adam Sorry.

1:12:44 Drew But you could straighten them out. You could show them some crafts too. There could be a Chief Thunderbear line of technical schools even. Think about that.

1:12:52 Adam Learn to hunt buffalo.

1:12:54 Drew So Julia is looking for the... She has a friend who had an abortion, a chemical abortion with probably RU-486 or something like that.

1:13:02 Adam Drink poison stream water and papoose come shooting out.

1:13:09 Drew And what's your question, Julia?

1:13:11 Caller I was just wondering what do like most people do? I mean, obviously you're not a woman, but like is the surgical way...

1:13:17 Drew Hang on. The Chief is offended. Hold on a second.

1:13:19 Caller No, hang on, Julia.

1:13:20 Drew Hold on. The Chief is looking to the gods in the skies. He's looking for strength. Yeah, he's looking for strength. So he doesn't yell at Julia because he too has experienced...

1:13:32 Adam Pre-optransexual.

1:13:34 Drew He apparently has been in touch with the soul of both men and women and in his spiritual journeys.

1:13:40 Adam Threesome Reacher. So I beg your pardon.

1:13:43 Drew So Julia, what again is the question?

1:13:45 Caller Does it? I mean, I am kind of concerned about the pain factor and like I'm really squeamish about surgery. I don't know if that would be the best route for me.

1:13:54 Drew Like the vacuum.

1:13:56 Caller Do you know what most people, I mean, what most...

1:13:58 Drew I don't know what the data is, how it breaks down right now, but you're basic, you're in the first trimester there. Chief, would you agree? First.

1:14:05 Caller I'm like five weeks.

1:14:07 Drew Five weeks. I think. Go ahead, Chief. I'll translate.

1:14:10 Adam What?

1:14:13 Caller Okay, you're early in your pregnancy, and there are a couple of options.

1:14:19 Drew One of them, you can have a vacuum abortion.

1:14:22 Adam Turn a chicken on a chicken on a chicken on a chicken.

1:14:26 Drew Chemical abortion.

1:14:28 Adam Chicken on a chicken on a chicken on a chicken on a chicken.

1:14:34 Drew That, Chris, was his coffee order. You got that? Chris can't go to Starbucks tonight. It's raining too hard, okay?

1:14:41 Adam Not a lot there.

1:14:42 Drew Extra foam. But Julia, those are the basic options, and keep, continue. And the chemical...

1:14:51 Adam The chemical option is not so bad.

1:14:54 Drew They actually do some bleeding and cramping for a few days afterwards, but that's about it. And the vacuum you're done immediately after the procedure, but it is sort of a surgical procedure, but very, very safe.

1:15:04 Adam Yeah, chichikiana, wet drive, dust buster. What about...

1:15:08 Drew Well, the chief was wondering what about adoption? What about actually having the pregnancy?

1:15:12 Caller Yeah. My boyfriend wouldn't want to give it up, and I don't want to really have a baby.

1:15:18 Drew But you wouldn't...

1:15:18 Adam Thunderbear raised by wolves.

1:15:21 Drew Why are you grabbing your breast when you say that, chief?

1:15:22 Adam Given up as young papoose.

1:15:25 Drew And you're breastfed at the...

1:15:27 Adam Raised...

1:15:27 Drew .the teat of a wolf.

1:15:29 Adam Suckled the teat.

1:15:30 Drew Of wolves.

1:15:31 Adam Of wolf. That's what gave spirit. Fighting power.

1:15:36 Drew I see that.

1:15:37 Adam More coffee, please.

1:15:39 Drew Oh my... Your English is getting very, very clear.

1:15:41 Adam That's why I go to Tetris. Rear of Buffalo.

1:15:46 Caller Even though I'm terminating, I kinda... I've been getting pretty strong cramps anyways.

1:15:51 Drew Yeah.

1:15:52 Caller Is that like a bad sign for pregnancy?

1:15:54 Drew Well, chief, you'll agree with me, it could mean an ectopic pregnancy. So if you get bleeding and the cramping gets severe, you need to go to hospital right away.

1:16:02 Caller What does that topic mean?

1:16:03 Adam Consult the own medicine man.

1:16:05 Drew Tuble pregnancy.

1:16:06 Caller Oh.

1:16:07 Drew In the tube. And so it's something to be very cautious about. That can be quite devastating if it gets really going. And it's time to go quick. As soon as possible, go to a place that has proper counseling for this sort of thing.

1:16:20 Caller Yeah, I was waiting to see if I could get a medical coupon from DSHS.

1:16:24 Drew Oh boy. Well, let's do it quick. You don't want to get through that, pass that first trimester.

1:16:27 Adam I'm going to teach off government.

1:16:28 Caller Thank you for your help, you guys.

1:16:29 Drew All right, good luck. I too. Yes, I know. I have mixed feelings about helping somebody with an abortion.

1:16:38 Adam I know.

1:16:40 Drew I know. Abortion is not a good thing.

1:16:44 Adam Next president.

1:16:46 Drew Probably not.

1:16:47 Adam Or a junior college with Chris.

1:16:48 Drew More probably. But nonetheless, I think adoption is something that should be encouraged. I agree with you.

1:16:55 Adam Well, hey, KJ. I want a Tetris.

1:16:57 Drew Well, thank you for the blessing and thank you for the help with Julia. And yes, go ahead. Go ahead. Return to Tetris. Yes.

1:17:03 Adam And I catch it.

1:17:04 Drew And Chris, next time, I have the music.

1:17:08 Adam Yeah.

1:17:09 Drew Have the coffee.

1:17:09 Adam Chicky. I want to check out. Chief, chief, please, chief, please.

1:17:14 Drew I've never heard him curse anybody before.

1:17:15 Adam But he's... Should turn their head, grow head, and ground like onion. I want to hack out.

1:17:22 Drew He is putting a curse on you, Chris. I'm sort of... It's a scary thing.

1:17:27 Adam May you slip in buffalo flop.

1:17:30 Drew Until this minute, I didn't know that the chief was Yiddish.

1:17:34 Adam May you have wet dream and teepee tonight. Squaw pain in ass.

1:18:10 Drew Tepee flooded.

1:18:11 Adam Tepee flood.

1:18:12 Drew Oh, my goodness. I'm so sorry.

1:18:14 Adam Tepee flood. Squaw, no listen. Pain in ass.

1:18:19 Drew Well, you know, interesting.

1:18:20 Adam Should have been aborted.

1:18:21 Drew You said that Adam had a problem like that with his wife, too, where she wouldn't check the drain and it's flooded. I know, just like you.

1:18:28 Adam Oh.

1:18:30 Drew Okay.

1:18:30 Adam Well, thank you.

1:18:31 Drew Tetris. Tetris. It'll calm you down. Enjoy, Chief.

1:18:33 Adam She sit in TP watch Tivo. And while Thunderbear labor like Mexican in rain.

1:18:44 Drew He isn't quite away tonight. More cursing.

1:18:47 Adam Hey, chachayana.

1:18:49 Drew Same for Chris.

1:18:51 Caller Oh boy.

1:18:52 Adam Chachayana won Tetris.

1:18:53 Caller Okay, enjoy.

1:18:54 Drew Enjoy. Thank you, Chief. And, oh, Chris, what are we gonna do? You need one of those like dream catches or something to sort of fend off evil spirits because boy, he was, yeah, a bad way to go. There he goes. Oh, we're gonna go Chris Corolla now, too.

1:19:07 Caller That was harsh. Yeah, hey, chachayana.

1:19:10 Drew Okay, well, let's take some more calls here anyway. Oh, hey, he was in quite a way tonight.

1:19:17 Adam How'd that go?

1:19:19 Drew Chris, how would you say that went?

1:19:20 Caller Not so well for me.

1:19:21 Drew Yeah, he was cursed and he cursed his wife.

1:19:26 Adam Oh, really?

1:19:27 Drew Yeah.

1:19:27 Adam He didn't seem like he was in a good mood. He has a lot of women.

1:19:31 Drew He's a passionate man.

1:19:32 Adam Yeah, they had a super tramp or they're playing a superset of super tramp over there in Arrow, so I didn't catch much of it. You're pretty much right. Yeah, I was listening to that. All right, ready to keep going?

1:19:43 Drew Here we go.

1:19:44 Adam Vanessa?

1:19:45 Yes, sir, yes.

1:19:46 Adam 19?

1:19:47 Caller Oh, yes.

1:19:48 Adam What's up?

1:19:50 My, okay, my son is two years old and he has, oh, since this morning, it looked like he had an infection on his penis and he's not circumcised and like it started with like a little ball on the top of his, his penis underneath his foreskin, looked like the size of a marble. And I took him a bath and it was gone. Thing is, is that it looks still affected. So like I called the doctor and it was a doctor on call because it's Sunday and he said he's put antibiotics on it. Thing is that today, right now, it's like it went all the way down and his whole penis is huge. It's, it's, it's swollen.

1:20:29 Drew You should go to the hospital. There's, there's a swollen, why would it be swollen? It's a cellulitis infection.

1:20:34 I asked the doctor, why would that happen? because he was with the babysitter all day yesterday and he said it was probably because it's normal for boys to have it, he said, because they like to scratch themselves. He probably had gotten a little scratch and he's probably gotten affected.

1:20:48 Drew Yes, to get the little thing on the tip, but to have the whole penis swell up and get infected.

1:20:52 Adam Well, wait, do you not trust the babysitter?

1:20:55 Well, I don't trust nobody with my kid, actually. because I have two boys and the other one has a diaper rash. When I went to pick up my both of them and now my son don't have a diaper rash, he's with me, he don't get it, but when he's with her, he gets it. So I don't know if it's the babysitter's fault or I was thinking, you know what, I remember when I had this.

1:21:16 Adam Hold on, what do you think the babysitter does? Craps into the kid's diaper while the diaper is wearing it? While the kid's wearing the diaper, just like he actually pulls the huggies and then just drops it off the dump and then rubs it around and sends the kid back out to the yard?

1:21:30 Drew Doesn't change the diaper real fast.

1:21:31 Adam Is that what it is? All right, hey, let's try to figure out.

1:21:35 Drew What happened to Vanessa?

1:21:36 Adam Vanessa, what, anything happened to you? Ever abused in any way?

1:21:41 Well, I don't know, I don't know. My mom's been married three, four times. I don't know, because I kind of like blocked it away.

1:21:54 Adam Does anybody do anything bad to you, grown up?

1:21:58 Well, I don't remember. I just, I block everything away.

1:22:02 Drew We just find it awkward or interesting that you would say that no one else should be trusted with your kid. And you have a deep understanding that things, bad things can happen. And yet you turn your kids over to people who are not taking care of your kids adequately.

1:22:15 Well, it's not a ritual. Okay, I'm a single mom and I have to work. And this lady was my coworker's mom. And she like it just she ended up with my kids one day because I end up in the hospital and I have no family around me. And she was the only one that.

1:22:32 Adam All right. Listen, let's let's not get into that for a second. I'm just curious about your past. And by the way, can you stop crapping out the kids, please?

1:22:41 Drew 19 to 19.

1:22:42 Adam You got two kids. You got to screw up two boys, by the way. So, you know, they can be criminals.

1:22:50 They can be criminals.

1:22:51 Adam They're going to be criminals, of course. At least start cranking out some girls and we get a nice fresh batch of strippers. The boys end up being criminals.

1:23:02 Wow.

1:23:02 Adam How dare you? Oh, yeah. It's horrible. But here's the thing, Mom. First off, no more kids. Please no more kids.

1:23:10 Caller Well, I have an IUD right now.

1:23:14 Adam Secondly, what do you mean you don't know if you were ever abused?

1:23:20 Caller Well, I mean, man, well, because I'll tell you the truth, my brother, I know for a fact that he was abused. He was, right.

1:23:32 Adam What's your brother doing now?

1:23:34 Caller Well, he's at Job Corps. He's at Job Corps right now. Right.

1:23:37 Adam Job Corps is prison with a shovel.

1:23:41 Drew And a purpose.

1:23:42 Adam That's what Job Corps is.

1:23:43 Caller And a mission.

1:23:44 Adam It's, it's a camping trip for criminals. It's where you get in a bunch of trouble instead of go to jail. Your last chance is you get to go to Job Corps.

1:23:51 Caller The only person that's gotten in trouble between me and my brother is me. And my brother is basically the angel between us both.

1:23:57 Adam Well, if the angel of the family is at Job Corps, that's a tough family.

1:24:01 Caller Well, because he can't support himself. I mean, he's supporting his mommy to help him.

1:24:05 Drew What did you do?

1:24:06 Caller What do I do?

1:24:07 Drew You said you got in trouble. What did you do?

1:24:09 Caller Well, since I was 15, my mom kicked me out of the house and...

1:24:13 Adam Yeah, because you were all over the place.

1:24:15 Caller No, no, I was actually a good person, but my family screwed up.

1:24:19 Adam A student never did any drugs. Your mom just booted you at 15.

1:24:22 Caller Well, actually, I started smoking weed because my family would always put me down. And so I would do that so I could get away from all that. All right.

1:24:35 Adam Listen, Vanessa, I'm only coming down on you because you got two kids. You were victimized and grew up in a bad family. And my only wish for society is that people like yourselves who were victimized can get a little education, get a career, get a relationship, do this. And when all the end a little therapy, by the way, for the abuse that you've been through.

1:25:00 Drew And you shouldn't be in jobs where you could.

1:25:02 Adam And you should not be parenting children.

1:25:06 Drew Shouldn't be teaching.

1:25:06 Adam You shouldn't. But by the way, you shouldn't be flying commercial aircraft either. You know what I mean? There's a whole bunch of things you shouldn't do when you're 19 and you have a ninth grade worth of education and an abuse history. There's a whole litany of things you shouldn't do. For some reason, if you put parent on there, that you become a horrible person. Oh, well, Hitler, I see. No, I don't want you doing that. Just like I don't want you running a piece of a complicated equipment where you could actually...

1:25:35 Drew That you don't know how to run.

1:25:36 Adam That you don't know how to run. Where you could actually... And by the way, we won't let you do any of those other things except for the kids part. That you get to do as much as you like. So Vanessa, no more kids. Take the one to the hospital. Just because you were abused doesn't mean people are looking to abuse your kids. On the other hand...

1:25:54 Drew You're the kind of person who will find an abuser to give the kids to.

1:25:57 Adam Or the guy you're attracted to and bring home.

1:25:59 Drew But I'm very concerned about the swelling of the soft tissue around the penis. That can be a serious thing sometimes.

1:26:05 Caller Well, because the doctor didn't seem so concerned when I told him.

1:26:09 Drew Why don't you call him again? You keep harkening back to the little ball in the tip.

1:26:15 Caller I'm scared to go to the hospital, actually, because last week I took him twice. And another thing about that is I had CPS on me because he had a stomach virus and he wasn't eating right. So I took him to the hospital and they gave me some resitories. Is that what it's called? You stick them annually?

1:26:35 Adam Suppositories.

1:26:36 Caller Oh, suppositories. The thing is that, okay, they put one in him at the hospital and they gave me some. I got home. I tried it like six hours later. He wouldn't let me. Now, I didn't force him. I'm not going to force. I mean, I know I'm supposed to because he already gave me a big lecture. I'm supposed to. I'm just not used to it and I don't feel right forcing my son to stick something up his butt. That's how I feel. I mean, and I talked to other ladies.

1:27:02 Drew Well, given that he will stop his vomiting and allow him to take fluids and save his life.

1:27:06 Caller Yeah, yeah, I understand. That's what the CPS guy told me. But, I mean, I just, I mean, trying...

1:27:12 Drew Well, so here's your choice. He can have a little bit of sort of a little bit of discomfort with the suppository or die. These are the choices.

1:27:19 Adam Okay, Mom, this is Mom, everybody. And...

1:27:23 Drew CPS twice, hospital twice. Oh, my goodness.

1:27:26 Adam Now, everybody, just close your eyes and picture what the young boys are doing about 15 years from now, 16 years from now. All right? College-bound, tax-paying, future fathers of the year.

1:27:45 Drew But after all that chaos, how could they ever contain? It's hard to know.

1:27:49 Adam All right.

1:27:50 Drew All right, listen, Vanessa.

1:27:51 Adam I'm just saying, don't we see this?

1:27:53 Drew Ask for help, Vanessa. Ask CPS, ask the hospital, maybe some visiting nurses can come by. You need some help, you need some structure. You really do need help.

1:28:01 Adam You're doing the best you can, but you're 19, you got a ninth grade education, and you're trying to raise two boys.

1:28:07 Drew You're doing 50 times the job that Adam would do if he'd had two children at 19.

1:28:12 Adam I would complain about me if I had the kids.

1:28:14 Drew I don't have the kids. You would be better off with, I mean, goldfish.

1:28:19 Adam Yes.

1:28:19 Drew You could barely handle goldfish at 19.

1:28:22 Adam No, I couldn't.

1:28:22 Drew Yeah.

1:28:23 Adam I did, however, give a goldfish a suppository.

1:28:26 Drew Oh, that's a skill. Yeah. I like to see that, by the way.

1:28:30 Adam I ironically fed him one of those goldfish crackers right up his rectum.

1:28:34 Drew Oh, nice.

1:28:35 Adam Yeah. It was sort of life imitating art. It was interesting. Yeah. We're going to take a break. Chris, what's happening, brother? What's up? We'll take a quick break.

1:28:46 Drew Watch out for Thunderbear when you go back out in the hall.

1:28:48 Adam No, no, no. If you're going in the hall, don't head toward the jock lounge. Head toward the arrow, you know, where the vending machines are.

1:28:55 Drew All right.

1:28:56 Adam Take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Dude, you got issues.

1:29:01 Caller Call Loveline.

1:29:02 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:29:36 Adam Yeah, buddy, Loveline. I'm the one known as Ace. That's Dr. Drew. Forget about that phone number. Let's help the kids.

1:29:48 Drew Yeah.

1:29:49 Adam Okay, day new girls, a boyfriend moved out of state. And I want to talk to Nicole, though. Nicole, you're 25. What's up, baby doll?

1:29:57 Caller Okay, I just moved to LA from New York because I ended like a two-year roller coaster relationship and thought that 3000 miles would be a lot of distance and it would be good for me. And it has been, but I still find the need to like talk to the person that I left. Like I still have like, it's almost like this addiction, like I need to talk to him. Like I need his approval.

1:30:20 Caller I'm like, how long is it?

1:30:21 Adam How long were you two together?

1:30:23 Caller We were friends first. And then we were together for about a year and a half or so.

1:30:28 Adam And then you broke up. And when, when has it been? A few months?

1:30:32 Caller Yeah, like we ended everything, I guess like the beginning of October. And he-

1:30:38 Drew Tell us more about the roller coaster. What happened?

1:30:40 Caller It was weird.

1:30:41 Caller It was like, I don't know, it wasn't a typical everyday like relationship. Like we didn't have like a boyfriend girlfriend status. You know what I'm saying?

1:30:51 Caller But like we were a couple. So it was just really weird.

1:30:55 Caller Like it started out like being like a friends with benefits names.

1:30:57 Adam We didn't have boyfriend, we didn't have boyfriend girlfriend status, but we were like this is him getting laid.

1:31:03 Drew Yeah, this is what I call the Carrie Bradshaw syndrome.

1:31:06 Caller Yeah, the thing was to like it was there was a lot of like there were a lot of emotions involved on your part.

1:31:11 Drew On your part, Nicole, I understand.

1:31:13 Caller No, I'm on. And the weird thing is to is that like people say like, oh, on your part. But it was also like on his part, too, because he would say things to me. Like I tell him, like, you know, you make me feel safe. And he'd be like, I'm glad I make you feel safe.

1:31:23 Caller I want to, you know, I want to be there for you.

1:31:25 Caller And this and Nicole, Nicole.

1:31:27 Drew And you believe that crap?

1:31:28 Caller Well, because I knew him as a person.

1:31:30 Caller And I believed it.

1:31:31 Caller And yes, I'm happy for believing it. And I know that now.

1:31:33 Drew So he was not having emotions. You were having emotions. He was manipulating. Whatever. But the fact is, you need to be in the state.

1:31:40 Caller And you have done it.

1:31:40 Caller And like, there was like an abortion in there and everything too.

1:31:42 Drew Fabulous.

1:31:43 Caller There's a lot of, yeah.

1:31:44 Drew So here's the deal.

1:31:45 Caller You need to be in the front. And that was all him because he was like, I'm not ready. We can't do this.

1:31:51 Caller Da da da da. And I pretty much went against everything I believed in and wanted.

1:31:54 Adam All right. Listen, listen, I mean, Nicole. Here's, here's the thing. Don't try to talk yourself into it or out of it or around it. It just was. You had a relationship like millions and millions of other people do. It didn't work out. It's 3000 miles away from you now. It's there's a healing period that takes place. Yes, you obsess on the person. Yes, you think about the person. It's brutal. There's nobody that hasn't gone through it. As a matter of fact, the only people that haven't gone through it you don't want to hang out with.

1:32:26 Drew Here's the problem I see though. She's 25. The time to go through that kind of relationship is 17, where the longing is more important than the relationship. And so the fact that at 25, you're still...

1:32:37 Adam I went through it at 25...

1:32:38 Drew .but can't get over a relationship in which you're just longing for somebody and you can't land a real relationship with them means that you had a horribly abandoning father. He was not available at all or died or whatever.

1:32:49 Caller That's the thing. Like my dad is actually like the closest person in my life.

1:32:54 Drew Even when you were growing up?

1:32:55 Caller Even when I was growing up, my dad was always there for me.

1:32:57 Caller Both my parents were. My parents have been married. They're going to be married 27 years. Like I'm not from a divorced home. Well, then, you know, I love my family.

1:33:04 Drew Is this your first relationship?

1:33:07 Caller I guess I've only been involved with like one other person.

1:33:09 Drew All right. So you're doing this all later in life than you should have.

1:33:12 Caller Yeah.

1:33:13 Drew You should have done this at 18.

1:33:14 Caller It's because I don't trust people very easily because I don't want to get hurt.

1:33:17 Drew All right. Well, you did. It's time to get to learn from this one. And as Adam said, just get on with it. This is just something you're just late doing.

1:33:24 Adam Fine.

1:33:24 Drew Everyone goes through it as Adam said.

1:33:25 Adam It has to happen.

1:33:26 Drew There you go.

1:33:27 Adam And by the way, you're from New York. No, no Mets or Jets talk around the office. Please.

1:33:32 Drew She's a Hawthorne now. How could she?

1:33:33 Adam Just please don't bug everyone with your beloved Jets and Mets talk, nonstop Yankees and Jets and Mets talk.

1:33:40 Drew All right.

1:33:41 Adam All right. We'll take a break. We'll be right back.

1:33:43 Caller All right, guys.

1:33:44 Caller Here's the deal.

1:33:45 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

1:34:10 Adam Well, that's the show, everybody. God bless you for listening. And until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo.

1:34:19 Caller And they gave me some resitories. Is that what it's called? You stick them annually, annually?

1:34:25 Adam This has been Loveline.

1:34:27 Caller Loveline.

1:34:29 Adam Opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, January 9, 2005