Episode 1000664735144

1:26 Adam Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Dictionary Medicine Specialist. Wow, we've just been sitting here working on the best of Loveline.

1:33 Drew I wonder if you're gonna bring that up.

1:34 Adam For the Christmas break. And people, and I'm gonna give my props to Engineer Anderson, because the person that does the hard work here is Engineer Anderson. First off, he has to listen to Loveline.

1:48 Drew A lot of it.

1:49 Adam A lot of it, and not only live, like he hears it every night, but then he has to go home and listen to more of it. Really, it's almost a punishment. Then I shouldn't say almost. It's a punishment. It's a form of torture. Then he has to cut everything down and whittle it down, and pull the best, and then the best of the best. People ask us all time, who is your best guess or who's your biggest guess? I'm always like, oh, we had that black guy from the Parkers because my mind, not only I have low self-esteem thoughts and I know Drew's that way too. Remember one time, here's how low the self-esteem is of the show, Eminem called into the show one time, just randomly.

2:33 Drew Really?

2:33 Adam Eminem came in to the studio a few years back, but also one time Eminem just called up.

2:38 Drew Really?

2:38 Adam And I said, remember that time Eminem called up? It was on the air, and Drew said, no, I don't remember. And producer Ann said, no, I don't think he would call in. And Anderson said, no, I don't. And after we went around about three times, finally you guys had convinced me he hadn't called in either. Like, this show is too bad, he wouldn't call in. And then Jimmy told me later, he was listening when he called in six months earlier. So it turns out he did call in. But speaking of Eminem.

3:03 Drew But just to go, and the reason I'm talking about this, we were sitting here with a list in front of us of the guests that are going to be on this best of best of segments we're going to have.

3:10 Adam Yeah, Matthew McConaughey and the Foo Fighters and destiny's Child and Ozzy Osbourne.

3:16 Drew Beyoncé knowles. Yeah.

3:18 Adam Oh, just a little.

3:20 Drew Scott Marlin.

3:21 Adam Tommy Lee.

3:22 Drew Jack Black.

3:23 Adam Yeah, yeah.

3:24 Drew Tom Marlowe, Alec Baldwin, David Arquette, Tony Hawk.

3:27 Adam Yeah.

3:28 Drew Macy Gray.

3:30 Adam Yeah. They had some good people on this show.

3:33 Drew james Addiction. Listen. Laura Pripom, Mila Kunis. And that's just the ones we have in front of us are more.

3:38 Adam Yeah. What you need to do.

3:39 Drew Which we've already forgotten.

3:40 Adam Rob Schneider, Jeff Probst. Yeah. Good Charlotte, Marilyn Manson. Here's what I'm going to need you all to do. Turn off tonight's show and really save up because it's going to be a dismal disappointment compared to what we have planned for you on the best of. yes, Drew.

3:55 Drew That best of will begin with the 20th, 22nd, something like that.

3:58 I have no idea.

3:59 Drew Anyway, they were there. Pretty amazing shows.

4:01 Adam All right. Let's keep on keeping on with this show.

4:04 Drew Oh, what? Huh? Oh, that's right. This one here.

4:07 Adam Yeah, we're on the air now. Yeah. A couple of things. First off, I need some. There needs to be. I was thinking about it today, Drew. There needs to be a word or some language for like, I'm just saying I don't really mean anything. I'm not trying to get out of anything.

4:23 Drew I'm just saying doesn't work. You tried it doesn't work.

4:26 Adam This business is so filled with BS that if you bring something up, or suggest something, no, let me explain something. Let me tell me how this works. I'm doing some commercial, some man on the street radio commercial that's going to run in the south. They offered me a bunch of money. I'm going out, they say, to North Carolina one day.

4:51 Drew Will me tell again?

4:52 Adam I have no idea.

4:53 Drew Oh yeah.

4:54 Adam I'm assuming that's the only town there is in North Carolina.

4:56 Drew It's with television cameras.

4:58 Adam This is a radio commercial. Going out to North Carolina one day to do a man on the street kind of thing. Then three weeks later I'm going to Tampa, Florida to do another man on the street thing. I say, Well, what are you looking for? They're like, Well, we went eight or nine 30 second man on the street spots. I said, Well, you're paying me a lot of money and don't get me wrong, but why don't we just go to North Carolina? And I'll just do them all.

5:27 Drew Why don't you go to North Hollywood and do them all?

5:29 Adam That was my first suggestion. Well, because people don't know the product that well in this part of the country.

5:34 Drew It could be funnier.

5:35 Adam All right. Fine. Fine. But OK. Now how about I just go to North Carolina and I'll stay for an extra day or something, whatever it is. But we'll just do it. And by the way, you need eight or nine man on the street things at 30 seconds each. We'll do that before lunch and then that'll be that. I mean, not just for me. Well, is there a problem or, you know, no, no, I'm not.

5:57 Drew I'm just saying.

5:58 Adam I'm just saying. I'm just, no need to go back to Tampa. Well, the clients, I mean, the product, I mean, people who own the product feel like, No, no, no, I'm not.

6:06 Drew Okay, you're talking to a marketing firm, a publicity firm at that point.

6:10 Adam I could visibly, it was a conference call, I could feel them getting weird immediately. And I'm like, what, we're in a hole? We're not paying you enough money? No, no, it's not, you know, that's not what they're saying, but that's what they're thinking.

6:22 Drew But here's what the reason for that thinking is, like, we have a plan and our plan needs to be executed this way and it's a big plan. Right, right. And it has to look a certain way to the buyer.

6:31 Adam Right, right, right, of course, of course. And I'm the one who's, I'm the sane one who's going, why should we haul our ass out to North Carolina? these guys are in Maryland, by the way, and then haul our ass out to Tampa the following weekend to do the same goddamn thing. Let's just get it all over with in one weekend or I'll stay an extra day, we'll just do it.

6:48 Drew I have learned just to shut up with those things. It's no way you can talk sadly.

6:52 Adam Everyone's getting weird, like the client. And it's like, uh-huh, and then so there's like a pause and a silence and now I'm trying to, I can feel it getting weird so I'm saying, I'm not trying to get out of any work, I'm doing this for you guys too, to just be an easier, we won't have to buy plane tickets and go back and forth. I think the client wants certain things that have landmarks in both cities, it's like I'm gonna bring up Disney World when I'm there and I'm gonna bring up the Charlotte Hornets or something when I'm in North Carolina, like it's a radio spot with landmarks?

7:29 All right, anyway, here's what it is, we're paying you a bunch of money, Brillohead, now shut the F up and do what we're saying.

7:35 Adam And how ungrateful.

7:36 Drew That's not the translation, though. The translation is we're getting paid way too much money and someone might find out.

7:42 Adam Right. That's what I'm saying is I just want that word where I'm saying I'm not complaining. It's a word that says I'm not complaining and I'm not and I'm doing this for you too. I know this feels like I'm pulling a star trip.

7:58 Drew I want to come up with it.

7:59 Adam Yeah, please come up with it, Drew. See if you can do it by the 12 o'clock hour.

8:02 Drew I'm not complaining. It's just a suggestion to help you.

8:07 Adam Yeah, but now it sounds condescending. It sounds like you're trying to get out of work now. Now someone's paying you a bunch of money. You're not saying, I'll take half the money. You're just suggesting you do half the work. You see what I'm saying? Even though, you know, and I said, look, we'll get it. If you're not happy, we'll come back, but we'll get it all. Don't worry. All right.

8:27 Isn't it just helping me help you?

8:29 Adam Ready?

8:29 Drew No, it's save you from yourself.

8:31 Adam I used to do that one. I'm going to save you guys from yourselves now. That didn't go over so good.

8:37 Drew He used to say that to the television producers. They'd say, sit down.

8:41 Adam Oh, yeah. And then there's trouble.

8:44 Drew And then Adam would have a follow on, which is, history will not be kind to this. History will remember this moment.

8:50 Adam And I would take my scarf and I would throw it around my neck and I go, hmm, I never. And I would say, I said, good day, good day. That's how I would insult them by yelling, good day, sir. All right. And then I would announce, I would announce that I would hear from my seconds. You ready to rock here, Drew? What are we doing here, buddy?

9:09 Drew Taking calls.

9:10 Adam All right.

9:10 I said, good day, sir. Oh, whoa.

9:15 Adam Anderson, I think Anderson actually makes these things in real time.

9:18 Drew I do.

9:18 Adam I don't think that was Cartman.

9:20 Drew No, that was King of the Hill.

9:22 Adam King of the Hill, yeah. Well, yeah, King of the Hill sounds a little Cartman.

9:26 Drew Yeah, I just realized that.

9:26 Adam Play that again, Anderson.

9:28 Let's get to the sex.

9:31 Adam What was I doing in the back?

9:35 Drew You gotta get the ma'am. I said good day, sir. We have some Cartman too.

9:40 I believe that I'm a slut.

9:43 Drew Anderson, we have Cartman.

9:44 Adam Drew, don't talk over the drops.

9:48 That's all I got, because I cut everything else, because it became too popular.

9:52 Adam Leave him alone.

9:53 It became too popular.

9:56 Drew He means South Park.

9:58 Adam Okay. I thought you meant we did.

10:00 Drew About his drops.

10:01 Julia? yes.

10:03 Adam Year 20?

10:05 yes.

10:05 Adam What's up?

10:08 My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years now, and we're intimate, and our sex life is fantastic, and we are extremely happy with one another. I guess the problem is that he had slept with people prior to meeting me, and I was a virgin before I met him, and I'm perfectly fine with that, and the fact that I've only slept with one person, I just always have this thought in the back of my mind of what would it be like to be with somebody else other than him.

10:42 Drew That's why you don't marry the first guy you're with, that's why you don't keep the relationship from high school, because that will stay with you, that feeling.

10:50 Yeah.

10:51 Drew Yeah.

10:52 Adam Life is sort of chocked full of those and usually met with disappointment.

10:57 Drew When we go out and try things on differently?

10:59 Adam Just that I wonder what this would be like. It's usually about what you thought it would be like. In this department, it may be a little different for a girl than a guy. Not drastically, but a little different.

11:13 Drew A guy is sort of climbing the ladder at the same time. Right. So things are changing for him every time.

11:20 Adam Yeah. Well, as a guy, you probably don't want to settle in at 22 because you're going to be much better shape at 30. yes? yes.

11:32 Drew Julia. It's fine. Here's what you have to decide is, is that curiosity and that urge strong enough to, you know, have to go out and be with other guys.

11:43 Adam Is your, you were a virgin?

11:46 yes, before I met him.

11:48 Adam And how about him?

11:50 Drew No, he was not.

11:50 No.

11:51 Adam Yeah, but he, how he, was he vastly experienced?

11:55 No, no, he'd only slept with two people before me, so.

11:58 Adam All right. Well, and you think you're 20. How long you say you've been together?

12:04 Caller We've been together for two years since our freshman year of college.

12:08 Drew Are you in college now? You've got like an accent from the upper peninsula of Michigan, though. Where are you from?

12:15 Caller I'm from the Chicago area.

12:18 Adam So, Julia, maybe, I don't know. I mean, there's also a part that says if there's a part of you that is thinking about other guys or wanting, feeling like maybe you missed out, that may be a sign, too.

12:32 Drew Right, right. You don't want to ignore those things and pretend they're not there.

12:36 Caller Right, right.

12:37 Drew And that's fine. That's fine. You're in college. You're supposed to sort of try things on for size a little bit.

12:44 Adam Yeah.

12:44 Drew No, I mean, I'm not meant to be funny at all. It's just you're supposed to figure out who you are in a relationship, who other people are, and what you want from a relationship. It's hard to do that when you get... The whole joint at the hip thing for me is just about as unhealthy as the hookup.

12:57 Adam Right.

12:58 Drew All right.

12:59 Adam Well, you just see a nice male prostitute. They pretty much service exclusively attractive college-age women, yes?

13:06 Drew That and... Oh, no. Wait a minute.

13:08 Adam Old queens. That's right. That's right. Yeah. japanese businessmen. That's right.

13:15 Drew Oh, they do?

13:16 Adam I don't know. But being a gay prostitute has to suck. I mean, it would be great if they're...

13:21 Drew A male prostitute. Not even a gay prostitute. You end up being a gay prostitute.

13:23 Adam I'm sorry. Male prostitute.

13:25 Drew Yeah.

13:25 Adam It would be awesome if there was such a thing as...

13:29 Drew Jiggle-o-type.

13:30 Adam Yeah. Richard Gere type. You get some smoking hot chick. Oh, it just didn't... Oh, she'll just go back to Stuttgart in just a couple of days. She has a big business meeting. You're going to have to nail her for a few days.

13:41 Drew You know, and I'm going to work on this. I'm doing a new program for Discovery Health, and it's about sexuality and stuff.

13:45 Adam Boring.

13:46 Drew Listen, it's not boring. We were reviewing some tapes on bachelorette parties and stuff, and women get...

13:51 Adam Reviewing tapes.

13:52 Drew The producer...

13:53 Adam Where are those tapes?

13:54 Drew I'll bring them in for you.

13:54 Adam Bring them in, please. Not boring.

13:57 Drew But these women get whipped into frenzies with the strippers and stuff.

14:01 Adam Oh, yeah.

14:02 Drew They're not interested in the guy, but they're interested in what the last chick just did.

14:06 Adam Yeah.

14:06 Drew And then upping it.

14:07 Adam Yeah.

14:08 Drew And they do some wild stuff.

14:10 Adam Yeah, no. I know women have a little bit of a mob mentality when it comes to sexuality that guys don't really have.

14:18 Drew It's why it was disturbing. It's like, you want to do that? No, no, just because she did it.

14:24 Adam If like for guys, they really would wish the rest, the other 17 guys would pack their hairy asses up and get the hell out of the hotel room so they could have a little one-on-one time with the stripper slash hooker.

14:36 Drew Not only that, even when the guys are in the room, their laser beam mentality blots out all the guys. They cease to exist.

14:43 Adam Yeah, but we would prefer they leave.

14:45 Drew We prefer they leave, but for the most part, our brain works in such a way as to blot them out anyway. For a woman, all she's interested in is what the other ones are doing.

14:52 Adam Yeah, she's seeing how they react to the guy, what level they take it to, what she's going to do, and how to get the guy's attention. It's crazy.

15:00 Drew Compared to the other ones.

15:01 Adam Yeah.

15:02 Drew Not compared to me, just compared to everybody else.

15:05 Adam Yeah, yeah. Rods, you guys hate each other. Bethany? Yeah. Oh, Bethany. What's worse, by the way, Drew, a guy named Fred who insists on being called Frederick or someone named Beth who insists on being called Bethany?

15:21 Drew I think it's kind of an Eastern name.

15:24 Adam How about anyone who corrects you? Like, here's the person I can't hang with.

15:27 Drew That person.

15:28 Adam That person where they go, hey, I want you to meet my buddy Christopher. This is Adam. He's a car guy too. Hey, Chris, how you doing? Christopher, that guy, the guy who corrects you, the guy you're never going to see again, who corrects you, that A-hole. You know what A-hole, let me tell you what A-hole I met. I tell you what A-hole I met a couple days ago on the street, then we'll get back to Bethany.

15:48 Drew Pray tell, what A-hole did you meet?

15:50 Adam I was walking down to the, get a little coffee after our riders meeting over at Jimmy Kimmel Live, and there was this big, beautiful dog. I mean, this thing must have been like a Keta or Samoyed or something, or it was like half a half. It looked, was like a huge...

16:08 Drew Big head, big hair.

16:09 Adam Big head, nothing like a big box headed dog. Kind of a dog, you could put like a 40 ounce beer on their head, which just sits like a coffee table that S's, and tail all curled up. Things just standing, it was about three foot high.

16:25 Caller Yeah, just a little load.

16:26 Adam Yeah, everything looked like a polo, a fat Eskimo from Gnome to Anchorage. And looked at the dogs, wow, it's a beautiful dog. Me and this guy were walking out. And again, I gotta find that dog. Anyway, there's this guy who was sitting there, looking a little fey. And he was sitting there. And by the way, people in Los angeles, they don't seem to have jobs. One o'clock on a Monday, he's just sitting by his big dog. We're working out. And just sitting there. And we walked by and I said, what kind of dog is that? And he said, pound save. And we just, oh, we walked in a thing and I said, what do you say? What kind of hound, what? No, pound save, he said. And I said, I didn't ask where he got the dog. I asked him what kind of dog it was. The point is, he had to use this as his little moment to explain what kind of guy he was. No, I don't go to the puppy mills. I got it from the pound.

17:22 Drew I don't know. It's not a pure breed. It's not a kind of dog.

17:24 Adam And by the way, I don't see colors. I don't see breeds. I don't see ethnicities. I just see dogs. That's it, brother.

17:32 Drew No, dogs be mistreated.

17:34 Adam I have to save them from the pound. And by the way, I know everyone thinks, okay, Adam, don't react so harshly, but I hate these a-holes because it's a subtle way for them to work in their little agendas. And to let you know what kind of guys they are. And by the way, yes, it's a pound save. Fine, you've had the goddamn dog for four years. I'm sure you've looked up on the internet with your life partner three or four times by now. Just tell us what it is. And by the way, the people with the no answer answers, drive me nuts.

18:00 Drew Well, the agenda, no answer answers.

18:02 Adam Pound save. By the way, you spit it out. First of all, you said it like you say 300 times a day, number one. Number two, you've turned it into one word that doesn't mean anything. I saved it from the pound. By the way, I got it from the pound will work. You have to work the word save in there, like you're some sort of crusader can swing down on a rope.

18:21 Drew Well, no, you got to have the drama of the trash can. It's trash can.

18:25 Adam Right. What? What are you talking about?

18:27 Drew Me? He's just making it sound like some sort of awful place. Oh, yeah. The trash can. You know, it's just, just. Well, I saved it. The trash heap.

18:35 Adam I saved it.

18:36 Drew The trash heap.

18:36 Adam Yeah, so if someone else wouldn't have done it, you had to do it. And not doing it to the kind of dog. But by the way, who gets a dog from the pound where the guy at the pound doesn't go, well, I can't tell you for sure, but it's probably, probably looks like half a keto. You know what I mean? And here's the answer I want. I just want, I got it from the pound, so I don't know. But most people say.

19:00 Drew We keep thinking it's an Akita.

19:01 Adam It's an Akita. Yeah, that kind of thing. No, just pounds, eh? Yeah, everyone's so much better than me.

19:08 Drew You gotta go watch that Wife Swap, that Trading spouses thing where the hippie gets that wonderful black woman.

19:14 Adam I get everything from the mill, by the way, Drew. That's where we got engineer Chris.

19:17 Drew Mill?

19:18 Adam The engineer mill.

19:18 Drew Is it the grist mill or the wheat mill?

19:20 Adam No, engineer mill.

19:21 Drew They were breeding engineers.

19:23 Adam They were breeding.

19:24 Drew Mill save.

19:24 Adam They were breeding for the engineer.

19:25 Drew Engineer save, yeah, yeah.

19:26 Adam Yeah, I saved them from the engineer. You all right, buddy? Yeah. Good, now give me some coffee. All right, we're ready to rock here, Drew. All right, what were we talking about? Bethany. Bethany?

19:36 Drew The word Beth, the name Beth. And Bethany, by the way, does not really translate to Beth.

19:39 Adam I don't care, I'm calling you Beth.

19:42 You can call me whatever you want.

19:44 Drew See, hear what she said?

19:45 Adam That's what I like.

19:46 Drew All right, go ahead, Bethany, what's up?

19:49 Caller I am 21 and I recently got married in July, but since October, I've been having an affair with a 50 year old.

19:59 Yeah.

20:04 Caller I don't know. I mean, I don't know exactly why I'm doing it.

20:08 Drew Give us, what do you think? I mean, what, it's hard to make sense of that one. Are you, is he married?

20:15 He is separated.

20:16 Drew Are you married?

20:18 yes.

20:20 Drew Well, then that's what you're doing. Your husband's-

20:21 Adam That's a Beth move all the way. That's no Beth anymore.

20:23 Drew You've got to be, your husband's got to be treating you like crap. It's two, three choices.

20:29 A-

20:29 Adam Pound safe, pound safe.

20:31 Drew A, your husband's just an unavailable or abusive guy. B, you're a trauma survivor and you have to inject some chaos into your relationships. Well, those are really the only two choices. So which is it?

20:46 Caller Well, my husband is Nigerian, I guess, I don't know, it's hard to...

20:53 Drew Again, a non-answer answer.

20:55 Adam Pound safe.

20:55 Drew She has a pound safe answer.

20:56 Adam Nigerian safe.

20:57 Drew What are you trying to tell us with that?

21:00 Adam All right, let me, I'll just do the Nigerian math. Are they not as liberal as we are?

21:06 Drew Or not available in the way you need him to be and you're blaming the culture?

21:10 Caller Yeah.

21:10 Adam What are they? They're a little more, well, we'll just call it old-fashioned over there?

21:16 Caller Yeah.

21:17 Adam And how does that translate into his treatment of you?

21:22 Caller He just is very, he's always occupied on things he has to do and not things that he should be doing to me.

21:31 Drew Yeah, so you're going to show him.

21:33 Adam What does that have to do with being Nigerian?

21:35 Drew I know, nothing.

21:37 Caller What?

21:38 Adam Bethany, no one's worse at answering questions than you.

21:41 Drew Well, the guy, the pound safe guy.

21:42 Adam What is, he's worse. Yeah, what is, he didn't call the show. What is, what is his Nigerian ethnicity have to do with anything?

21:53 Caller Well, I mean, there's just, Nigerian guys are a lot different than American guys. They expect their woman to act a certain way. They have a lot harder time adjusting to the way American women are, you know, just in general, a lot more controlling.

22:13 Drew All right, so you're having marital problems.

22:15 Adam All right, and you're stepping out with a 50-year-old guy.

22:17 Drew Yeah, you're gonna show him. So you better get some, if you want this marriage to survive, Beth, you gotta get some help.

22:23 Caller Yeah.

22:23 Drew This is a red alarm. This is a full-blown disaster underway.

22:26 Adam And don't tell your Nigerian husband, otherwise this guy's gonna be like, head out the car and get the dart right in the neck.

22:32 Drew Yeah.

22:35 Adam Dip in Cure Ari. They will hit you with a blow dart, those people. There's no if, ands or buts about it.

22:42 Drew It's the old fashioned way of...

22:43 Adam That's the way they settled things.

22:45 Caller Yeah.

22:46 Adam Right in the neck.

22:47 Drew Out of a bamboo shoot.

22:49 Adam Oh yeah. Pow. Oh no, they don't have PVC pipe over there, my friend. It is a bamboo shoot. Feather on the end of it. Right in the vein there. Take it down. Take a rhino down. That's all they got. Proud people. Proud warriors.

23:05 Drew They treat the women a little different.

23:07 Adam Yeah. Hey, let me tell you something, everyone, about the rest of the world. I know the United states is the worst place in the world. Because we're the bullies and the policemen. Once you travel abroad, see how they treat the ladies over there. Go ahead.

23:25 Drew Enjoy.

23:25 Adam Go ahead, you lesbian koozes, left-wingers, who can't stop beating up this country. Hit the road. See how the hospitality is in some of these countries around the Middle East, parts of Africa. See how they treat you. We're going to roll out that red carpet for you. Yeah? See how that goes. Go on. Head on out. Remember, we're the worst and everyone else is the best. So head on out. See how they treat you.

23:52 All right?

23:53 Adam Give us a call when you're getting stoned.

23:55 Drew We're taking a break.

23:56 Adam Taking a break?

23:56 Drew Yeah.

23:58 Adam Yeah. I'm not done. I know. All right, Drew, let me ask you a hypothetical. Okay. You got to travel cross-country. Car ride, long car ride.

24:07 Drew Who would you rather be with?

24:08 Adam Who do you go with?

24:11 I'd pay a million dollars.

24:13 Adam Do you go with the guy who corrects everyone, who calls him Fred and tells him it's Frederick?

24:19 Drew Okay, that's one.

24:20 Adam Even at the party. It's one thing if it's someone you have to work with. Corrects everybody. Or the guy who has a macaw, a large bird.

24:31 Drew Who am I going with?

24:32 Adam No, no. He has a macaw. And he announces that he thinks he's a person.

24:37 Drew The macaws. Who am I going with?

24:38 Adam Yeah, who are you going with? Frederick.

24:40 Drew I'm going with Frederick.

24:40 Adam Really? He's not traveling with the macaw.

24:42 Drew Frederick has a range. There's a range of Frederick's. Some of them are acceptable.

24:46 Adam Frederick's an intelligent guy. He's just a pain in the ass.

24:49 Drew The call guy?

24:50 Adam No. Plus, he's got crap on his shoulder.

24:53 Drew Yeah. Okay.

24:54 Adam Let's take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back with the best of the best of the best of Loveline. After this.

25:02 Loveline.

25:03 Caller We'll be right back.

25:08 Adam Hey, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. It is Loveline. And Drew and I have to sign some paperwork that says we won't take Paola. Is there Paola anymore? I got into radio, so there would be some Paola and there's no Paola. No. Let me explain how it used to work, everybody. It used to be that if you did radio, guys would come by and they'd drop off some hookers and some coke. And then you'd play their song. That's how ass-blowing songs like Man Eater from Hole in Oats made it to number one, because otherwise you could never explain the success of a song that blew as much bunghole as Man Eater getting to number one. Surely, it's not based on the merits of the song, because the song sucks, holy ass. So it had to be obviously Mounds of Coke that got that song to where it was, and that's the way it works. So you wanted to be a DJ, because right now, I'd just be doing blow, and there'd be chicks running around naked, and somehow, when I got into radio, that all came to an end.

26:17 Drew What do you expect?

26:18 Adam Now, you can't keep anything. You got to give stuff away. There's no tipping your buddies off to get the mountain bike. There's nothing.

26:26 Drew In this little thing you saw, it's $75 is the maximum.

26:29 Adam Is it anything I get to keep?

26:30 Drew Of any sort of gift or meal or anything like that.

26:34 Adam Oh, really? What about that time we needed office chairs, and we put the ploy out and they give us like $500 office chairs? That would have been against the law, right? Paola law? By the way, what's the deal with radio? What goes on in radio that needs this kind of focus? You know, FCC attention, Paola trouble. What goes on in radio? Do you know what I'm saying? I went, you know, 50 years ago when there were no laws whatsoever regulating radio, was everything okay or were people dying every day in radio? What goes on in radio that it needs this kind of scrutiny and this kind of attention? Listen, we've got a problem with terrorists over here. We don't have enough people to check the container ships that come into the ports. Let's focus on that. What goes on in this country that we have unlimited resources and energy for stuff that no one gives a good rat's ass about, but whenever it comes to putting cops on the streets, like, oh, we don't have enough. You live in Los angeles, you call 911, you get put on hold for 45 minutes. No, we don't have enough. I don't buy that. Use some of the people you're using for the crap we don't care about.

27:37 Drew Well, you know what the crap we don't care about is coming from, though. Just more laws, more laws. Yeah. More attorneys, more laws, more attorneys, more laws.

27:44 Adam I know, I know, I know. That's all, that's all it is.

27:48 Drew I don't understand why there aren't attorneys out there that get into sort of streamlining the legal system. Why don't people become lawyers to sort of break it down?

27:57 Adam They're creating more work for themselves. What I'm just saying is, how many times have you heard FCC in the last year? How many, oh, he's gotta be fined, he's gotta be stopped. No, this is against regulations. Everything's really screwy. You can't talk about anything, by the way. You can't talk about the Arbitron, the group that does the ratings for the radio. You can't talk about this Paola crap.

28:19 Drew You can't talk about Arbitron?

28:20 Adam No, they get weird if you talk about it. No, if somebody called up and said they had an Arbitron book or something, we got to get rid of them, otherwise we're going to get in trouble. What the? What's going on? Stop focusing on the radio so much. There's nothing going on. Howard Stern says booby a couple of times, and a couple of lesbians go at it in the studio. Forget it. We got terrorists, then we got 911 operators that are overloaded. Let's focus on that. There you go. By the way, it's just money, it's just tax money that's just going to waste. Let's just go ahead and divert some of it toward something that the people who pay the taxes care about. That's what I want. I want the money. No, not the money, my money, our money going toward the ass that we give an ass about. It's just, we just, yeah, it'd be great. It'd be great if we could inspect the food that's coming over from abroad. It'd be great if we can inspect the container ships that are coming in here. We're running the radioactive material through downtown LA. We only built, we can own with the resources. We only look at about 3% of the container. But by the way, this advertisement, this sort of beckoning the terrorists.

29:32 Drew I heard Tommy Thompson saying that he didn't understand why they haven't attacked the food source yet.

29:36 Adam No, there, yeah, there you go. There you go. No, no, not enough manpower, not enough resources, really. endless manpower and endless resources for FCC related issues and parking. That's a bottomless pit of resources. But bottomless pit of parking enforcement folks, very limited resources when it comes to 911 operators. Isn't that just how you'd want it as a citizen, as a taxpayer, by the way? If you just close your eyes, what kind of society you want to live in? One with three parking enforcement posties for every one citizen and not enough people and two guys answering 911?

30:16 Drew Perfect.

30:16 Adam Perfect, right? That's just what I want.

30:18 Drew Let's roll it out.

30:18 Adam As a matter of fact, I would like to take it a little step further. I could give a few more parking enforcement posties in there and cut back on the 911. To me, 35 minutes is not a long enough wait on 911. If I'm hiding under a mattress and the guy who's hopped up on an elephant tranquilizer is gnawing through my bedroom door, I'd like to have it go to about 50 minutes. That's me. As a matter of fact, when I'm in charge, Drew, we take some of the 911 operators, put them behind the wheel of the right-wheel drive chevette. Yeah, get them out on the street. Come on, we got to stop these people whose bumpers are hanging into the yellow, loving tone.

30:50 Drew Whose wheels aren't turned to the curb? No. Oh, we got to go after that.

30:54 Adam Maniacs. My whole family was killed by a car whose wheels weren't turned to the curb and it was on a slight incline. Got to stop those people. That's right, Drew. And the only effective deterrent is double the fines.

31:05 Drew There you go.

31:06 Adam That's what we need.

31:07 Drew And double the manpower.

31:07 Adam That's right. We got to get more guys looking out the FCC. What's going on? God forbid the Grease Man gives away a windbreaker. Got to stop that. And then we need more folks in the chavettes, out on the streets. It's things we care about, Drew. And of course, a task force to bring down high class prostitutes. Oh, yeah. Those high class call girls. Got to stop them. Need everyone posing as japanese businessmen to stop this. All right? All right. Let's focus. Let's get our priorities. That's all. Just got to get the priorities right. Oh, and the other thing we're going to need, going to need the cross taken off the crest of Los angeles City.

31:46 Drew And then take the Ten Commandments out of the lobby.

31:48 Adam Right. Right. Yeah. We got to take a jackhammer to the Ten Commandments out front of the library. All right. And we can do that. Everything's going to be bright again. We'll be able to sleep at night.

31:56 Drew Let's spend a million dollars in court fighting about it.

31:57 Adam That's right. And then we go to bed with our doors open at night. No reason to lock them anymore. We got rid of the Ten Commandments tablet out in front of the library. Fantastic. All right.

32:07 Drew So Adam, you're suggesting a slippery slope. That is a slippery slope. If you put the Ten Commandments in front of the library, next thing you know, there'll be a cross on the Los angeles, oh, wait a minute, there already is.

32:18 Adam Yeah.

32:18 Drew On the Los angeles Empty.

32:19 Adam Yeah, I'm offended as an atheist. Zach?

32:23 yes?

32:25 Adam You're 20?

32:26 Caller Yeah, hold on a second, guys.

32:27 Adam Thanks. I like good, cause that more say, you know, the thing is like the ACLU pussies are like, well, what about those poor people who aren't Catholics or Christian who have to wear the Los angeles crest on there? Well, first off, you guys are free to leave if you don't like it. That's number one. Can't handle the 316th by 316th. It's like two stitches of embroidery on your cross on the sleeve on your job as a zookeeper. Hull your atheist ass out of there. That's number one. Get out. You can't, you don't like it? Good. Out, fat ass. That's number one. Number two, what about the idiots who have to work at Jack in the Box? You got to wear a clown outfit with a paper hat. No problems there. No, you went to gig, you put the outfit on. Want to work for Los angeles City, wear the thing with the cross on it.

33:15 Drew Done. Just out of homage to the history. Yeah.

33:19 Adam And here's the thing.

33:20 Drew By the way, it's just the missions that they're referring to anyway.

33:22 Adam Outlook, of course it's nothing.

33:23 Drew What were they? They were not religious operations?

33:26 Adam Let me just put a word out to all the pussies out there that are highly offended about anything. Get out. You're offended? Good. Make a stand. Go home. We don't need your ass. Get out. Oh, I'm offended. I don't believe in it. Good. Take the shirt off and go home. Work for your brother-in-law at the nude furniture factory, you pussy. Get out.

33:48 Caller This is it.

33:48 Adam You don't agree with something? You don't like it? You don't whatever?

33:51 Caller Go home.

33:52 Adam Quit. Everyone quit. Not getting paid enough. Not getting this.

33:55 Drew Quit. And I wouldn't want to be in a country like that. Good.

33:59 Adam Now you're out. Now we're really talking. Get out. Go to your beloved whatever and go live there. Your utopian whatever and see how you enjoy it. Zach?

34:09 Caller Yeah.

34:10 Adam I'm PO tonight. Fired out.

34:12 Caller Here we go.

34:13 Adam What's up?

34:14 Caller Let me tell you what's going on. A few days ago, I had a new roommate move into our house. I'm not the guy in charge, but somebody else kind of dealt with her and talked her about the situation. And then let's see, a couple of days ago, I came home about two in the morning, actually met her for the first time. And she was sleeping on the couch and she woke up and said, she kind of told me her life story and it was really kind of creepy. She ends up, she's telling another girl that was in the house that she has herpes that she's worried she might spread it to us, just telling us some weird stuff about her sex life, what's going on in the past. What happened? What's that?

34:47 Drew What happened to her?

34:48 Caller I guess she said she was molested when she was younger. She claimed that she got herpes somehow by touching something. She had touched something on her hand and then spread it to her mouth.

34:59 Drew She got it to her mouth?

35:01 Caller Yeah.

35:01 Drew And is that everyone has herpes in their mouth?

35:04 Adam This is bogus.

35:04 Drew Yeah, I think so too.

35:05 Adam Something's bogus. All right, well, what do you want?

35:09 Caller I'm just wondering, I mean, is it something she could really spread to us?

35:12 Drew No. Well, yeah, if she has an active outbreak, or you could spread it to her, because you have herpes already, like everyone does.

35:20 Adam Oh, true.

35:20 Drew In their mouth. And yes, we have an active cold sore in your mouth. You share utensils or glasses, you can spread things.

35:27 Adam No makin out.

35:28 Drew Yeah, you kiss, that sort of thing. But that is in the environment everywhere. What you need to be more concerned with, with this new roommate, is the chaos she's likely to create if she's a trauma survivor.

35:37 Adam Right. Yeah, yeah, she's gonna have some nutty biker boyfriend come in and bust the place up. Then you're gonna be one of those things where they think they mistake you for the guy she cheated with, so he just empties a clip from a Beretta in your comforter while you're sleeping. It's not even the right guy.

35:53 Drew Nice.

35:53 Adam Yeah, yeah. Tell that to St. Peter while you're playing the harp. Do you have to play the harp?

35:59 Drew Just don't worry about the herpes.

36:01 Adam Hey, can the...

36:01 Drew Worry about the herpes.

36:02 Adam You think the Mexicans play an accordion, as they say? I'm just saying, Drew, it's not fair for us to foist our harp on all the culture.

36:10 Drew I'm just saying.

36:10 Adam All I'm saying, I'm just saying.

36:13 Caller All right.

36:14 Adam Remember, you don't like it, get out, everybody. Don't like your job, get out. Don't sue, get out.

36:22 Drew Yeah, do the respectable thing.

36:24 Adam Who cares? Just haul your complaining pussy ass out of there. yes, Drew?

36:29 Drew Let's do a quick tour of your Florida.

36:30 Adam Really?

36:30 Drew The Alien 6.

36:31 Adam All right. 0 for 2 last night. Painful.

36:34 Yeah.

36:35 Adam Drew is in denial. He doesn't want to hear it.

36:37 Drew I don't want to think about it.

36:39 Adam Philippe?

36:39 Caller Yeah, what's up?

36:40 Adam Let me explain. I got to apologize. No, I got to apologize, Drew. You know what that is? You know what I just did to you? You're a-

36:46 Drew Attack me?

36:47 Adam That was an attack. There was nothing short of an attack. You're champion boxer. We're heading to the ring and I'm reminding you of a couple of losses you took, your last two losses. You don't do that. You don't do that. I call you champ, I rub your neck, but I don't say.

37:00 Caller You got TKO'd last time.

37:02 Drew You just sucked the mojo right out of me.

37:03 Adam Yeah, you're right. You want me to do that now?

37:06 Yeah, no.

37:08 Drew That's after the show.

37:09 Adam Philippe?

37:10 Caller Yeah, what's going on, guys?

37:12 Adam Go ahead. Germany or Florida?

37:13 Caller Okay. A woman ran over two teenage brothers after they accidentally hit her vehicle with a golf ball. They were bouncing in the parking lot.

37:19 Drew Florida.

37:20 Adam Yeah, Florida.

37:20 Drew You heard about it?

37:21 Adam No. Golf ball.

37:24 Drew She ran over them?

37:25 Adam Well, keep going.

37:26 Drew Keep going.

37:27 Caller Leaving one of the boys with life-threatening injuries. The three boys were bouncing the golf ball in a shopping center parking lot Sunday afternoon when it went astray and struck a vehicle driven by a local woman. The woman said no damage was done and the boys apologized and began to walk away. She started to drive away but suddenly made a U-turn, ran over a median and struck two of the boys causing severe injuries and then knocking over a light pole. She then drove after the third boy, crossing two medians and striking a utility box before her vehicle stopped in a ditch. The woman said the boy ran away and was not struck. A witness said she accelerated to hit the boys. She charged them, he said. This was the most deliberate act. The witness said he yelled at the woman to stay where she was when she got out of her car. After she ran him down, she got out of the car and lit a cigarette like a movie star, he said.

38:17 Adam Hold on a second. All right. Wow. Solid. A most deliberate act.

38:21 Drew I know. You never know.

38:23 Adam That feels German. Yeah. But the response to the golf ball is pure Florida.

38:27 Drew Yeah.

38:28 Adam I know. By the way, we've spoken about how women are actually meaner than men and more vindictive and spiteful and angrier. I'm surprised there's not more road rage involving women.

38:39 Drew There is. I had a crazy person coming, sort of aggressively come after me tonight. I thought, I drove up alongside him just to see who that jackass was.

38:47 Adam Your wife.

38:48 Drew 17 year old girl.

38:49 Adam Really?

38:50 Drew Yeah. And then I was like, yeah. Then I was like, hey, cool.

38:52 Caller Yeah.

38:53 Adam Drew nailed her on the shoulder. All right. So what do you think, Drew? Germany or Florida? First Impulse, Florida?

39:00 Drew You stay with that first impulse.

39:01 Adam I'm going Germany.

39:02 Drew I'll stay Florida.

39:03 Adam Wow.

39:04 Drew Here we go.

39:04 Adam Somebody's going to be 0 for 3. Somebody's going to be 0 for 3. Should I say that again? Here we go. Philippe?

39:12 Caller yes.

39:13 Adam Is it Germany or Florida?

39:14 Caller You're 0 for 3, Adam.

39:16 Drew Oh yeah. Oh yeah. He's back.

39:21 Adam I said Florida. Two syllables into this thing.

39:23 Drew You never don't go with your first impulse. You talked yourself right out of it.

39:27 Adam You know what I am? You know what I'm like? I'm like a field goal kicker. I've missed like five in a row. Now I'm thinking.

39:34 Drew You're going to pick the ball up and try to throw it next.

39:36 Adam I'm missing chip shots now. Extra points. I'm all up in my head. I got to clear my head.

39:42 Drew All right. Let's take a break.

39:43 Adam I'm going to clear my head. Let me say this. If it's not clear at the end of four minutes, I may not be back, OK?

39:51 Drew All right.

39:51 Adam All right. Well, we may or we may not be back.

39:54 Drew I'll be back because my head's clear.

39:55 Adam All right. But that's kind of the same as.

39:57 Drew Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

39:58 Adam There's no show.

39:58 Drew Big good point.

39:59 Adam All right. All right. After this.

40:03 Drew Hello.

40:04 Caller This is Loveline. We'll be right back.

40:14 Adam Get it on, buddy. Well, going to get it on.

40:21 Caller Right.

40:27 Caller We have a good time.

40:29 Adam I hate the man. I take my boss and go f himself. You go down the hall. It's going on over the four or five. So I'll go look at the regular day. Twenty nine, twenty nine o'clock. Thirty went away from the top of the hour. Then more news, weather and traffic coming up.

41:14 Drew Ready to go?

41:16 Adam You're already already crawling. You're ready to crawl, Drew. Let's party.

41:19 Drew Tivoli jumping out of my skin.

41:20 Adam Let's rock their brates.

41:22 Caller Good radio.

41:25 Drew It's a way for Shirley.

41:27 Adam Twenty four years age.

41:28 What can we do for?

41:30 Yeah, this is an embarrassing question for me to ask my doctor. So that's why I'm calling you guys.

41:35 Drew Go ahead.

41:37 I was I just had a hysterectomy, like probably hold on.

41:42 Adam Hold on. You or a friend. Oh, wait a minute. May I screw that one up?

41:48 Drew Try to make a few fart noises. I screwed that one up when we get out of it, making some fart noises.

41:51 Adam They say you. It's not. If they say it's a friend, it's them. But if they say you, it's not a friend.

41:55 Drew Oh, but either way, it works. It's beautiful. It's a genius, a genius.

41:58 Yeah, drop trap.

41:59 Caller Yeah, drop trap.

42:00 Adam Don't make me drop trap. Go ahead, Shirley.

42:03 Well, okay. My question is that I was wondering, okay, when a male ejaculates inside of a woman, and they have a uterus, okay, I know half of that sperm goes into the uterus.

42:19 Drew Yeah. No, not half of that sperm.

42:20 Adam Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

42:21 Drew A tiny little bit of sperm swims into the uterus, yes. Yeah. Many, many millions of cells get in, but the semen stays out.

42:29 Adam Yeah, mine does the backstroke.

42:32 Well, my question is that now that I have no uterus, will I have more of, like, sperm coming out of me than usual or...

42:45 Adam You checked under the car seat. That's where mine was. I'll tell you, 29, 29. Drive and drive. Drew, what's that mean? He had hysterectomy. And Drew, shouldn't they call the HRST directory?

42:59 I knew that was coming.

43:01 Caller You're 29, 29.

43:02 Adam Here's where the traffic coming out of there, am I right? Get on a truck trail. What's up there, buddy? Let's go now. You gotta pace it up now.

43:09 Drew The stuff gets sort of absorbed through your vaginal, you know, it gets, it's just, the system there is designed to take it.

43:15 Adam Duff, you mean my secret sauce?

43:17 Drew Very little gets up in the uterus anyway, so it's really no different than...

43:20 Adam 29, 29, I'm sure.

43:22 Drew No different than with the uterus. Okay? Most of the actual volume comes out anyway, just when you sort of stand up.

43:29 Adam Yeah, that's right.

43:30 Drew And the sperm, the cells stick and swim their way up.

43:33 Adam I tell you, there's no eye in the uterus.

43:36 Okay.

43:40 Adam Yeah, there's no me in the uterus.

43:44 Caller 29, 29.

43:46 Adam I dropped out. All right, Drew, are we cool? Shirley, thanks for calling in. We'll see you at the weekend splash.

43:52 Drew I'm sorry you called at this moment. Adam Atlas is specially inspired during the commercial break.

43:57 Adam Where are we going here, by the way? Let's go to line 6. Line 6, 829, 29 o'clock. Zechariah, Zechariah, Zechariah. I don't care what you are. Ask a question. What's on? That every sister.

44:09 Drew Hi, Zechariah.

44:10 Hi, Dr. Drew. Hi, Adam. I wanted to tell you, Dr. Drew, thank you for writing that book, Cracked. It was very inspirational.

44:17 Drew Oh, great.

44:18 Yeah, I wanted to know, how did you get into writing that book? Did you just want people to know about?

44:25 Drew You know, I was thinking about writing.

44:28 Adam He just bought himself a boat, and he needed to make the payments. I was thinking about writing a book, and Judith Reagan asked me to have dinner with her, and at the dinner, we talked about all kinds of things.

44:40 Drew In the end, she just said, there's your book, whatever we've been talking about.

44:43 Caller best piece of history we've ever had.

44:44 Drew And I didn't know what she was talking about, and she just said, write me 20 pages. Yeah. And I was sort of flipped out by that sort of ultimatum.

44:52 Adam Yeah, I'm glad you couldn't have left it at 20.

44:55 Drew And I went running that next day and took a tape recorder with me to see if I could sort of get some ideas.

44:59 Adam It was an old reel-to-reel job. You got a hernia pushing up the Royal Parkway.

45:04 Drew And this story just kind of came out.

45:06 Adam The story just sort of emerged. I'll tell you, I'm going to read that book cover to cover the second you hollow out the cover. I mean, just pull out the pages in between.

45:16 Yeah, I actually started reading it when I went to rehab after.

45:19 Drew Oh, no kidding. How's your recovery going?

45:21 Oh, it's going really good, actually.

45:23 Adam Good. Coming out in paperback, by the way. Finally, I could wipe my ass with a cover, too. Before, I was having to actually use the pages to wipe my ass, but the cover is a little hard.

45:32 You saw that color before me that... Trouble.

45:36 No, other Adam.

45:38 Adam Yeah. What's going on? I got to get on 820, 820.

45:41 You saw that go before me not to get creampied anymore.

45:44 Adam Yeah. The creampie. Trap and trash the car.

45:51 Drew She was going so good there. And then all of a sudden, whoo.

45:54 Adam Big left turn. Yeah.

45:55 All right. We got a rock and roll.

45:56 Adam I'll tell you what. If we guys are break, got to pay some bills. Know what I'm saying? What do we got in line when we come back? We got Chris. I'm coming from Stacey from East of the rockies, calling in Margarita, coming in. She called in Margaret, coming in. Oregon, her husband, she had a big show, a lot of shows set up, by the way. 829 to 9 o'clock. Be right back. More Loveline after this. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Pearl Harbor Day.

47:09 Drew Yeah, first day of Hanukkah.

47:11 Adam And first day of Hanukkah. Yeah, what's a bigger disaster? Yeah. Little message to all the folks thinking about screwing with this country, such as Pearl Harbor. Let's all just close our eyes and figure out how that one ended for the japanese. Little atomic bomb. And here's my deal too. A lot of people do that. Well, we shouldn't have. Look, you want to get things started, you get things started. And look, go find the biggest guy in your high school and go up and take your fruit cup and dump it on his head and see what happens.

47:52 Drew No, no, no, no. Grab his nuts and squeeze. See what happens.

47:55 Adam See what he does. That's right.

47:57 Drew Might react.

47:57 Adam That's right.

47:58 Drew Might react.

47:58 Adam Yep. And whatever he does to you after you start that is whatever he does to you. That's, that's, there are no more rules anymore. Come over, do a little sneak attack and we'll take you out. That's all. All right. Let's, and by the way, the people who have a beef with us dropping the atomic bomb on Japan got to understand many more people would have died during the invasion of the island.

48:24 Drew Right.

48:25 Adam I mean, they were, they were.

48:26 Drew That was the other alternative, was we actually invade the island.

48:29 Adam Yeah. And not, not just many more of us.

48:31 Drew Right. Many more of them.

48:32 Adam Many more of them.

48:33 Drew Yeah.

48:33 Adam And for those of you who don't think they would have done the same, dropped one right down.

48:39 Drew New York City.

48:39 Adam On the Chrysler building in New York in a heartbeat.

48:42 Drew Yeah.

48:43 Adam Of course they would have. Of course they would have.

48:47 Caller Of course they would have.

48:48 Drew Well, that's what they were trying to do. That was the plan.

48:50 Adam That was the initial plan. Yeah. That hints the bombing, Pearl Harbor. So there you go. Everyone just looked back on that day and I think what a great country this is. You ready to go here, Drew?

49:01 Drew Here we go. Margaret? Nothing inspires me like thoughts of violence and war.

49:06 Adam Yeah. Really fired me up.

49:07 Drew Margaret?

49:08 yes.

49:09 Adam All right. So what the hell were you talking to you about?

49:12 Well.

49:12 Drew Where were we? No, we weren't.

49:14 All right. I'm sorry?

49:16 Drew Go ahead.

49:16 Okay. My husband, from what I understand, he cheated on me. He said he pinched his penis in the toilet seat and he got syphilis from it. And he, I mean, it was a little outlandish. I've been tested for it.

49:31 Drew That's not a little outlandish. That's brazen.

49:35 Adam Yeah. Give him a few points for creativity.

49:38 Drew Well, just for A, for effort.

49:42 Adam Just the idea.

49:42 Drew It's not creative. Pinched my penis in the toilet.

49:45 Adam I find it incredibly creative. It's quite. It's not an effort thing. It's more creative.

49:52 Drew And now he actually has syphilis. Is that for sure what he has?

49:55 yes, they did a blood test and they came back positive. And that night he went through hell and I was right there with him.

50:01 Drew What do you mean he went through hell that night?

50:04 He started shaking. He was delirious. He was out of his mind the night that he found out. And they give him the penicillin shots and set him on the treatment for it.

50:14 Drew So that's not that's not syphilis.

50:17 Adam Oh, herpes.

50:18 Drew Well, no, if he gets delirious after penicillin, that's called a Herxheimer reaction. I mean, I guess it could be from syphilis. But wow. I mean, that's somebody who didn't just get syphilis. So that's somebody who's had it for a long time.

50:29 Adam Oh, it is.

50:30 Drew Yeah. I mean, what, what, you know, what was, what, why was he tested? What was his manifestations?

50:35 He had a sore, a large sore on his penis. At first it kind of looked like honestly a bite mark. And then like, What does syphilis look like?

50:43 Drew Syphilis is a big shaggy ulcer, painless. Shaggy?

50:47 Adam Shaggy ulcer was my, remember I told you I was doing Mornings in Phoenix? Phoenix?

50:53 Drew Shaggy Ulcer was your name there?

50:54 Adam That was my morning.

50:55 Drew Oh, he was funny too.

50:58 Adam Shaggy, no wait, it was Dusty Labia, I think was my name.

51:03 Drew That was your partner.

51:04 Adam That was my partner. Shaggy Ulcer. Yeah, Shaggy Ulcer and Dusty. Okay. All right.

51:10 Drew You're in your radio hell.

51:11 Adam Dusty Labia. Margaret?

51:13 Drew So Margaret, okay, so he had a Herxheimer reaction, which is kind of wild that they don't think I've seen ever. But yeah, that's Siflis. Okay.

51:19 Adam So did he then admit that he cheated?

51:22 No, he wouldn't. He never, he still to this day swears he didn't. But I got tested in three weeks before this point. I had been tested and I, three weeks before this point, we had been intimate. And then he comes home and he has this huge sore on him and it just got worse and worse and worse every day. They tested it and they said that his count was so low that it had to have happened, you know, not too long ago.

51:47 Drew Right, right. Well, the ulcers are the primary syphilis and they happened the first few weeks, really.

51:52 Adam I'll tell you where this guy cheats.

51:53 Drew It's a called shankroid, though, that goes like that, too.

51:56 Adam I'm trying to figure out where this guy cheats or not. does he drive a truck?

51:59 yes.

52:00 Drew Oh, well, there you go.

52:01 Adam No, he cheats.

52:03 Why? I mean, what did I do that caused him to do this? I've been tested and it didn't come back positive for me.

52:08 Adam Oh, Margaret. Margaret, first off, the real question you should be asking is how the hell did I know he drove a truck?

52:15 Well, we both used to team and then I got pulled out of it.

52:19 Drew Oh, that's how you do it.

52:20 Oh, you drove.

52:21 Drew No, Adam, you knew that. I see.

52:22 Adam I knew he drove a truck.

52:23 Drew Yeah.

52:24 Caller I drew. We both were.

52:26 Drew I just imagine. Do you remember Pee Wee's Big Top when Marge picks up Pee Wee at the truck driver? I just imagine Marge when I see her.

52:33 Adam Pee Wee?

52:34 Drew Yeah.

52:34 Adam Go ahead. Read the screen.

52:36 Drew 31-year-old husband cheated and caught syphilis. To stay with him, can she catch? That's what's on the screen. Margaret from Oregon, 25. 25, by the way.

52:43 Adam Him driving a truck became a powerful force in my life.

52:47 Drew interesting.

52:48 Adam I felt the truck. And then she drove too. So there was like sort of truck on truck. I don't know. I'm not in any of this nonsense, but it became a strong truck driving. I didn't think about it. It just came out.

53:05 Drew What's even stronger though is the, what is that that she can't appreciate that?

53:09 Adam Nobody can ever do that.

53:11 Drew Spontaneously kill the bad.

53:11 Adam First time I guess a chick's boyfriend worked at the batting cage.

53:14 Drew yes.

53:15 Adam Never said anything, but it turned out he did work at the batting cage.

53:17 Drew She went right on.

53:18 Adam That's right. So can I still test positive? Oh, I see. So, right. I knew he drove a truck because you drove a truck, even though you never said you drove a truck. Right? Okay.

53:30 Can I still test positive?

53:32 Adam He's cheating. And what do you guys have kids?

53:36 No.

53:37 Adam Okay. That's great. What happened? There's something wrong with your ovaries or something?

53:42 Yeah, pretty much. I can't have kids. I just found out I was a diabetic. That's why I wasn't driving with him when this all happened. But because it came back.

53:52 Adam Hold on. I want more credit for the ovaries and the truck.

53:55 Drew Yeah, I know. I'll add a few more things. He's a smoking diabetic with a phial asthma.

53:59 Adam All right, but that you can hear. Margaret?

54:03 Yeah.

54:04 Adam Smoker?

54:05 I'm guessing she dips.

54:06 Adam Okay. All right, but see, Drew, that you got...

54:09 Drew I hear that, yeah.

54:09 Adam I just know when 25 year old Margaret doesn't have four kids, there's a problem with the ovaries.

54:15 Drew You're right. You're right. Well done.

54:17 Adam Thank you, but we can't judge and everyone's an individual. So how is this guy outside of this? Is he a good and loving husband?

54:27 He was wonderful. Well, kind of. He was rough and I know he was fooling around before. I found out now that he was doing stuff with other people.

54:41 Adam All right.

54:42 Drew So Margaret's cheaters cheat. It has nothing to do with you or what you did or didn't do. You're thinking like a woman who thinks, well, I'd only cheat if things weren't going right.

54:51 Adam She said he was rough cryptically. Did he ever physically abuse you?

54:56 A little bit.

54:57 Drew Of course.

54:58 Adam OK. So Margaret, thank God your ovaries don't work because otherwise we'd hear three kids crying in the background. And now you really go from a sort of inconvenience, really, on the cosmic scale to really a large scale effort. A force. Yeah. You know what? Get out. This guy cheats. He's physically abusive. I don't know where you came from.

55:24 Drew Not only that, he's exposing you to real serious illness.

55:28 Adam I'm guessing your dad was physically abusive to some degree.

55:33 Drew And by the way, the cheating he's doing is a product.

55:35 Adam Not all.

55:36 Drew Not your biological father.

55:38 Adam Got your biological dad?

55:40 I never met my biological dad.

55:42 Drew That's who we're talking about. God, people. But Margaret, he's cheating.

55:46 Adam Why do you always have to say the biological?

55:48 Drew How dare you? Margaret, by the way, he's cheating with prostitutes. That's where the siblings come from.

55:54 Adam Truckers? Yeah, no. He's not banging Ivana Trump.

55:58 Drew No.

56:00 Adam Next time he drives through Manhattan, he'll stop and bang Trump Tower, stop and bang some rich divorcees. No. By the way, have you been to these truck stops?

56:10 Drew Not really.

56:10 Oh my God.

56:12 Drew Really?

56:12 Caller Why?

56:15 Drew Why?

56:16 Adam You're like, you just want to kill yourself.

56:19 Drew Just who the guys are that are stopping?

56:20 Adam Who the guys are, who the gals are, who the people are, what the food's like. Talk about architecture.

56:26 Caller Oh yeah.

56:27 Adam It is a disaster. Now, again, I'm not blowing smoke up my own took eye, but what is that part of life where the trucking, like the trucking becomes a force?

56:41 Drew I mean, what is the personality issue?

56:43 Caller How did I feel truck?

56:46 Adam You know what I mean? I got to believe it was her truck driving that I felt too.

56:50 Drew I heard, I literally was having an image of Pee Wee's Big Adventure where he gets the truck with Marge.

56:55 Adam It's after I said truck driving.

56:57 Drew Yeah.

56:58 Adam Yeah. Yeah. So I stopped stealing my thunder. The point is, how does that work? I'm not into psychic stuff, but on the other hand, I don't say truck that often without there being a truck.

57:09 Drew I think you're also putting it...

57:11 Adam I mean, obviously the person sounds like, oh, they're chain smokers, there's a sort of behavior that doesn't go along with accountants or CPAs.

57:21 Drew There's a rough around the edges.

57:22 Adam But...

57:23 Drew There's the picking up diseases and sort of ram-a-man thing.

57:26 Adam Yeah, but I didn't see construction worker.

57:28 Drew Well, you were about to, though.

57:29 Adam No, I wasn't gonna say it.

57:30 Drew You really didn't cross your mind at all?

57:31 Adam No.

57:32 Drew I thought you were gonna say something about metal.

57:33 Adam Stop crapping on my gift.

57:35 Drew No, I'm just saying...

57:36 Adam I was touched by the hand of God.

57:38 Drew I'm just saying. No. I'm trying to help you.

57:41 Adam I didn't think of anything, just trucker came out of my mouth.

57:43 Drew You weren't thinking metal or trucker, metal or trucker, trucker? You just thought trucker all the way.

57:48 Adam I don't work that way, Drew. What, do I ever tell you that?

57:51 Drew No, I'm asking that.

57:52 Adam No.

57:53 Drew Okay.

57:54 Caller Please.

57:57 Adam Just thought trucker. I wasn't thinking, hmm, is he construction worker? Is he drywaller? Is he trucker? I'm going to go with trucker.

58:04 Drew No, it's just, just, you don't have any of any, no, no, no. You didn't scroll through some stuff. It was just trucker.

58:09 Adam No, I never do. I never do. It's either it hits you or it doesn't. It's an impulse spy. And it happens with, there's never any preloading with it. Because if you preload, you're going to be wrong. Drew, you know how you're always wrong? That's because you preload. You're always much better when you just let something push you in a direction.

58:27 Drew Germany for you, Florida for me, that last tour of Florida. Didn't work. But the point is, there are other...

58:37 Adam Stop crapping on my gift. That's all I'm saying. What were you saying?

58:41 Drew That there are other clues, I think, we kind of, it gets us going.

58:44 Adam Well, yeah, no, like I said, it's not rabbi or moil, but there are many, many, many other professions in the blue-collar world where people smoke.

58:56 Drew Right, right, right.

58:56 Adam And whose husbands cheat. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I'm not saying it's one in a million, it's just, it hit me hard as trucker, and it was funny that she was a truck driver too.

59:06 Drew Yeah, next time.

59:06 Adam Maybe that's where I was feeling it.

59:08 Drew Yeah, yeah, next time we'll sort of pay attention and see if there's something, as we're coming up with it.

59:12 Adam Yeah, I think it's just a feeling. Maybe people just sound like what they sound, maybe truckers just sound like truckers, and construction workers sound like affers. It just rhymed with trucker. All right, Drew, let me say this. Katie?

59:28 yes?

59:30 Hello?

59:31 Adam What's happening, baby doll?

59:33 I have really weird periods, and every time I get them, they've been, like the cramps have been escalating so much, and it hurts so bad. And I was wondering if that's just like hereditary because my mom had like bad ovaries too, when she was younger.

59:49 Drew The cramps have nothing to, probably have nothing to do with your ovaries.

59:51 Okay. Or is it like from me and my boyfriend fooling around or whatever? Because we're kind of rough.

59:59 Drew You can stir things up in and around the time of your period and make things a little worse. It's an inflammatory reaction, the uterus.

1:00:05 Adam You're rough sexually or just wrestling?

1:00:08 No, it's sexually.

1:00:10 Adam So you're having an intercourse then?

1:00:12 Yeah, that and just other stuff too.

1:00:15 Drew Why are you doing it harshly if it's uncomfortable for you?

1:00:17 Adam Rough doing other stuff too.

1:00:19 It's not uncomfortable.

1:00:20 It's a keeper.

1:00:21 Drew It's not uncomfortable.

1:00:22 It's not like directly afterwards, but when I have my period and stuff, it's so rough.

1:00:26 Drew Well, that's probably has nothing to do with it.

1:00:27 Adam But you say other stuff. You mean like oral sex?

1:00:31 Yeah.

1:00:34 Drew Why are you saying this so tentatively?

1:00:37 Adam Well, I think it's been pretty forthcoming.

1:00:39 Drew She is like, when you ask, it's like, yeah.

1:00:42 Adam Well, I mean, she's 17. It's an uncomfortable topic. We're probing.

1:00:48 Drew No, no, that's fine. Katie, listen, you need to have a, when was the last time you had a pelvic exam?

1:00:53 Caller I haven't had one before.

1:00:55 Drew Okay, you have to do that.

1:00:56 Caller Okay.

1:00:57 Drew Okay, it could be an infection. I'm sure your boyfriend was a virgin before also, but the bacteria can get into the tubes, cause tubal infections. It could be ovarian cysts, it could be endometriosis, it could be uterine problems, inflammation or growths, and all that needs to be sorted out before we just sort of toss it all off as what's called dysmenorrhea or just painful periods, which are common and don't mean anything.

1:01:20 Adam Drew, you know what I was thinking about today? I was thinking about being the first day of Hanukkah yes, I'm sure you were thinking about that.

1:01:30 Drew Thinking about the Hanukkahs in the past you'd have with your family.

1:01:32 Adam A lot of Hanukkah talk over at the Kimmel's show today.

1:01:35 Drew But not to talk about the Hanukkahs past with your family and the huge elaborate menorah that you had.

1:01:40 Adam My family celebrates every culture. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, now you made me think about the year we used the branch from the pine trees, the Christmas tree, and leaned it against the wall. Oh my God, I'm suing. I am going to sue my family. So I was thinking about Hanukkah, and I made that hypothetical joke last night, which has a mobile home ever burnt down because a menorah tipped over. yes. The answer, probably no. And then I thought to myself, you know, eight candles being lit on consecutive nights, the Goyim would eff that one up. People would be dying left and right. Every third Goyim you met would be like, oh, how did your brother die? Uh-huh, menorah.

1:02:29 Drew You know, it would be like the Fourth of July with the fire departments trolling around checking things out.

1:02:33 Adam They'd have to be like PSAs all the time.

1:02:35 Drew That's right.

1:02:36 Adam Live safe. Live safe.

1:02:38 Drew Protect your menorah.

1:02:39 Adam They'd have to start coming out with menorahs that sat in like a kiddie pool and stuff. We would eff that up immediately. I realize Jews are very responsible and you have to be when you're a Jew, too, because think about how flammable the Jews are. They have the crazy beards, those crazy beards that only insane people could have. Prayer shawl hanging down with the fringe on it. Peos, crazy curly sideburn thing.

1:03:07 Drew All things meant to burn.

1:03:08 Adam Big brim hats, black tie. I mean, think about how combustible a Hasidic Jew is.

1:03:15 Drew It's not just combustible, but think how things hang into the fire. Everything is designed to hang into whatever is burning.

1:03:22 Adam Here's the thing, just a non-Jew with a beard, that thing goes up three, four times a week.

1:03:27 Drew Of course.

1:03:28 Adam Three, four times a week.

1:03:29 Drew Oh, yes.

1:03:30 Adam But you can't blow out a birthday cake, you can't-

1:03:32 Drew Scramble eggs.

1:03:33 Adam You can't cook, you can't barbecue, a power goes out at the house and you light up a candle. You couldn't hold a sparkler, that's your whole head catching on fire, as a non-Jew. But Jews, either flame retardant-

1:03:46 Drew No, no.

1:03:47 Adam I think Hitler disproved that one. Or-

1:03:50 Drew That was nice. That was a nice comment.

1:03:52 Adam Well, it's more-

1:03:53 Drew That will go down in history.

1:03:54 Adam More of a dig on Hitler. More of a dig on Hitler. And by the way, not done with the Germans.

1:03:59 Drew You're not? Good, okay.

1:04:00 Adam I like a little bombing over there. And they did World War I, World War II. It's time we surprised them with a little surprise.

1:04:05 Drew And what they did to the Jews too.

1:04:06 Adam Oh yeah, that one too. All right, but much more careful than we are with the flame.

1:04:13 Drew yes.

1:04:13 Adam You never hear about a Jew's house burning down. No.

1:04:16 Caller Never.

1:04:18 Adam It's, oh, what happened to Rabbi Shulam's house, burnt to the ground? No. Never. No. And again, like I said, you know what it's like? You know what the Jews are like? They're like black ladies with the long fingernails. They learn to get along.

1:04:33 Drew Right.

1:04:34 Adam Black women have a fingernail be at nine inches long, unicorns painted all over it, rainbows got all our kids' names on there, and she's driving a stick and talking on the cell phone, got a hot comb out, nothing. Don't even crack one. You walking around with that, you get caught, you get slammed in the door, you puncture a hole in your scrotum.

1:04:53 Drew No.

1:04:53 Adam It would be a disaster.

1:04:54 Drew Disaster.

1:04:56 Adam Jews with fire.

1:04:58 Drew So what you're saying is Jews should grow their fingernails out?

1:05:00 Adam yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. Ironically, no Jewish firemen. Oh, and think, think about it.

1:05:07 Drew It's not in the history.

1:05:08 Adam Powerful, yes. Powerful. yes. Yeah. I forgot about the prayer shawl. Crazy big beard, crazy beard. Prayer shawl.

1:05:17 Drew Shirt's always on top.

1:05:18 Adam Shirt's undone. Hairy, hairy manly chest, big, big high dangling, pulling you off balance toward the ceremonial candles. And that yet you kindled the Sabbath candles. No, no, like it was nothing. Wow. Can I give the juice credit for that? All right. I think we're going to take a break. I got to take a leak. All right.

1:05:41 Drew All right. Good.

1:05:42 Adam I may catch, if I had a beard, it would be, how long?

1:05:45 Drew You could pee and feces in it for you.

1:05:47 Adam Can you imagine me with those crazy black lady fingernails?

1:05:50 Drew Oh my God.

1:05:51 Adam Like those black chicks who worked at the EMV.

1:05:52 Drew What would we find in there with you?

1:05:54 Adam First off, I would not only scratch my eye, I would pop it out of its socket.

1:05:58 Drew No, you'd rupture it.

1:05:59 Adam I would rupture it.

1:06:01 Drew The lens would fly out.

1:06:02 Adam It would explode. No, it would pop out.

1:06:05 Drew No, pop out of the socket. It stays intact.

1:06:07 Adam Oh, it does.

1:06:08 Drew Yeah, yeah. Oh, you would explode it. It would explode.

1:06:10 Adam No, it would even pop out and roll around on the ground. And then I would go for, I'd go for, I'd pick my nose while it's driving, and I would just, all of a sudden, I would taste cinnamon. Like, what? What is that? And all of a sudden, I would hear, like, I would hear, Puccini. What is that? And I realized I was touching my brain, my middle finger. yes?

1:06:30 Drew yes, absolutely.

1:06:31 Adam And we get a craving for charcoal.

1:06:33 Drew I'm strangely obsessing, though, but the whole hygiene issue in the toilet, that's the next thing.

1:06:39 Adam Oh, number two. I'd have to hire a guy to do that. It'd be tough around the Corolla house as well, though. Come here, buddy.

1:06:49 Drew Oh, listen, then you'd have to clean the nails.

1:06:50 Adam Oh, you are getting a bonus this Christmas. Now, let me explain. Yeah.

1:06:55 Drew Get that sponge.

1:06:56 Caller Yeah.

1:06:58 Adam Get the pressure washer.

1:07:00 Caller All right.

1:07:01 Adam Take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:07:04 Caller Thank you for calling Loveline.

1:07:06 Caller Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

1:07:11 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:07:14 Drew San Francisco.

1:07:16 Adam Yeah, it's Loveline. I'm Adam.

1:07:20 Drew Getting a little comedy instruction here. It's tremendous. They show us with a no guess.

1:07:24 Adam Yeah. We're going to try to spread our wings. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew.

1:07:31 Drew What do I get to give you in return?

1:07:34 Adam Just a head nod. First day of Hanukkah, we're just talking about, I think the Jews are much more responsible. They would never... Here's the thing about why white guys, I'm going to call non-Jews, we'll just call them the goyim, they can't handle candles being lit every night because they would light the candle, then they'd get drunk, then they'd pass out, and then they would burn down. Jew don't get drunk and pass out, he blows them candles out first. Yeah? We can barely get white guys to quit smoking at bed.

1:08:08 Drew What would his mother say if she didn't put the candles out? And then clean the wax out of the little pockets that the menorah has.

1:08:15 Adam By the way, remember how many fires used to start because people fell asleep smoking?

1:08:20 Yeah.

1:08:21 Adam What happened to that? I miss those days.

1:08:23 Drew I still see tons of that stuff.

1:08:25 Adam Oh you do?

1:08:25 Drew I think most of it is because the people get just burned and they wake up.

1:08:29 Adam And by the way, it's not falling asleep smoking.

1:08:32 Drew It's passing out. Yeah, it's being loaded.

1:08:33 Adam We're loaded. I never say that.

1:08:35 Drew No, no, it's always being loaded. And I think stuff is so fire retardant now that the people kind of burn before the sheets go up.

1:08:43 Adam Yeah. I just kind of missed that. I fell asleep while I was smoking.

1:08:47 Drew Yeah.

1:08:49 Adam Hi. Ever happened to a Jew, by the way?

1:08:52 Drew No, never.

1:08:52 Adam Felt asleep smoking, burned down the house?

1:08:55 Drew Well, maybe Bob Evans.

1:08:55 Caller Is he Jewish?

1:08:57 Adam I don't know, baby, but I do know the name Bob Evans. Gets pressed, gets inked. Yeah. Go ahead, Stacy.

1:09:04 Caller Hi, guys. I'm 22. I just found out two months ago that I'm pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been together for about four years now. And it seems that since I found out I was pregnant, he, well, we've maintained a pretty good sex life for the past couple of months.

1:09:29 Drew He is the father?

1:09:30 Caller yes, he is.

1:09:31 Adam Oh, refreshing.

1:09:32 Drew Yeah, it's nice. Old-fashioned, as you say.

1:09:36 Caller I've been gradually, obviously, getting bigger. My belly's been growing. And so it's been harder for us to...

1:09:44 Drew You mean you're getting taller?

1:09:46 Adam Slow down, slow down.

1:09:47 Drew Hang on a second, Stacy.

1:09:47 Adam Drew, your calves get bigger when you get pregnant, yes?

1:09:51 Drew You get taller. Oh, taller.

1:09:53 Adam I'm not a doctor. Your belly... But you say your belly grows.

1:09:57 Caller yes, my belly's growing.

1:09:58 Adam You're drinking a lot of brew.

1:09:59 Drew I guess so.

1:10:00 Caller But anyhow, so it's been a little bit more difficult for us to have sex, but throughout this we have been and it seems that...

1:10:13 Drew Hang on a second. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. How many months pregnant?

1:10:17 Caller I'm five, but I just found out two months ago.

1:10:20 Drew I see. Okay.

1:10:22 Caller But since I found out that I was pregnant, it seems that every time we have sex, my boyfriend is not satisfied unless he can be degrading in some way. Even before we found out I was pregnant, we had a healthy sex life as far as we like to experiment and role play and do different things, but it wasn't as consistent and it seems now that with every time that we have sex.

1:10:55 Adam He has to be degrading now that you're mama.

1:10:57 Drew All right. Quiet down. She's sort of alluding to him needing fetishistic stuff too.

1:11:02 Adam Well, what does he... Just tell us. Let's flip all the cards over and tell us what he wants to do.

1:11:07 Caller Okay. He's a lot more into slapping me. He pulls my hair harder than he used to. He likes to put the pillow over my face, cover my nose and mouth with his hand.

1:11:22 Adam Maybe you're asking for it.

1:11:25 How am I asking for it?

1:11:27 Adam Well, just by being a mom.

1:11:29 Caller I mean, it was something that we dabbled in before, but it seems like now he cannot come to ejaculation without using record grading.

1:11:37 Adam Okay. First off, it already sounds like a front runner for Father of the Year.

1:11:42 Drew Father of the Year, I was just thinking that.

1:11:43 Adam I'm gonna get a vote in for him. Number two, definitely not a Jew. Here's a Jew's rough sex. Could I have sex with you? Sorry. Bitch. Yeah. That's rough training.

1:12:03 Caller Yeah. All right.

1:12:06 Adam So, here's the thing. There's a couple of things. One is, maybe he's having a little difficulty with the pregnancy part, and he's needing to up the ante as sort of a distraction in order to achieve the orgasm. Like, now that your mama and his child is in you.

1:12:22 Drew Some guys are sort of turned off by pregnant women. They actually don't like that. Forget the symbolism of being a mom, they just, physically...

1:12:28 Adam He's having to go a little further in a direction that he was already sort of slowly moving toward because of this distraction to his penis, known as your zygote.

1:12:39 Drew And is he on a medication or doing drugs or anything?

1:12:42 No, not at all.

1:12:43 Adam And the other part is maybe this is just his way, maybe unconsciously, of creating a little bit of a chasm or distance from you because he may not be planning on hanging around for the full... He's turning into a little bit of an object.

1:13:03 Drew Or maybe he's just angry about the fact that he's having to deal with a kid. He doesn't want to.

1:13:08 Caller What I was wondering is this maybe because my body is changing. Personally, I was wondering if maybe that's his way of being able to be satisfied because his attraction to me is lessening because of my body.

1:13:23 Adam That's an interesting point.

1:13:25 Drew In fact, that's just the one that we'd floated about three seconds ago. Write that down, Adam.

1:13:29 Adam All right, that's what I said.

1:13:31 Caller I didn't catch it.

1:13:33 Adam Well, that's all right. Just as long as you caught that semen. So, how long have you two been together?

1:13:40 Drew Four years.

1:13:40 Adam Four years. Why aren't you married?

1:13:45 Caller It's been discussed, but neither one of us feel that we're ready.

1:13:50 Drew does he want this child? He's enthusiastic about it? He's looking forward to it?

1:13:56 Caller He is, which is why I was confused about all this.

1:13:58 Adam All right. What does he do for a living?

1:14:01 He's a mechanic.

1:14:03 Adam What does he work on?

1:14:07 Caller Just foreign and domestic.

1:14:09 Adam Foreign and domestic. All right. He does okay? Yeah. Okay. Here's the thing. You can tell him that this is a direction you don't really want to go, sexually.

1:14:23 Drew By the way, why aren't you speaking up about this?

1:14:25 Adam Well, his hand's over her mouth.

1:14:26 Drew Put him in afterwards.

1:14:27 Caller Because I kind of feel that if it's something that we had already played around with...

1:14:33 Drew Attention all females. It is okay to tell your boyfriend, husband, spouse, whatever, when they're doing things that you aren't into.

1:14:43 Here's where you need the bullhorn.

1:14:45 Drew Attention. If it's uncomfortable, if it hurts, if you're not into it, whatever, the moment he starts going down that path, that's when you're welcome to step forward or wait till afterwards if you want to be extra PC about it and tell them you're not into that. That's not for me. That's it.

1:15:02 Adam Also, I wonder...

1:15:04 Drew Their nuts won't explode, they won't run out the door screaming. You're in control. You call the shots.

1:15:11 Adam Well, speaking of being in control and calling the shots, there's all this sort of marriage after you have the kids or maybe we'll see kind of thing. I wonder if a woman feels, and I'm guessing I know the answer, feels very vulnerable who's that far along pregnant and is not married to the guy she's with.

1:15:31 Drew They just feel vulnerable like crazy during pregnancy and what more vulnerable than, jeez, what's going to happen to me?

1:15:36 Adam Right. Now, it's like this guy's working without a contract.

1:15:40 Drew Yeah.

1:15:41 Adam And if he wants to just up and leave, he can just leave. And you're pregnant and you got hormones circulating and surging and you're feeling vulnerable and now you're trying to please him and you're not feeling as pretty as you used to and you're just in please mode. I don't want to discourage him. I don't want to anger him. He might run away and there's nothing keeping him here.

1:16:05 Drew yes.

1:16:05 Adam Yeah.

1:16:06 Drew What's wrong with women?

1:16:08 Adam Well, we both talked about marriage and we both agreed.

1:16:13 Drew Do you notice by the way, not in one of her descriptions, that she say I or me. It was we, we, we, we, we. If you talk to him, are you kidding?

1:16:22 Adam Me, me, me, me, me, me. All right. Get married. This guy doesn't sound like a horrible guy, but we'll see in the next four or five months. Dictate. Amelia.

1:16:36 Adam.

1:16:37 Adam, is it really you?

1:16:39 Adam Yeah. You sound hot and crazy.

1:16:41 I'm not crazy at all.

1:16:43 Adam Wow. You're 20. What's up?

1:16:45 Caller I'm not crazy at all.

1:16:46 Adam He said it twice. That makes you crazy.

1:16:49 Drew What's going on?

1:16:50 Caller I don't want to talk to you.

1:16:51 I want to talk to the chief.

1:16:53 Adam Yeah.

1:16:54 Caller Oh, the chief.

1:16:56 Adam Yeah. You want to speak to the chief of the chief thunder bear?

1:16:59 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

1:17:00 Is it a Native American chief or is it like Punjabi chief?

1:17:04 Adam What kind of chief?

1:17:05 Punjabi, you know.

1:17:07 Adam Oh, in India. Here's just how you know it's North American Indian and not Eastern Indian because they don't have chiefs.

1:17:17 Caller Oh.

1:17:18 Drew Well, they're not known for wearing bear skins. They're known to be called thunder bear.

1:17:22 Caller Right.

1:17:23 Right.

1:17:23 Drew You know, things like large animals of, you know, of carnivorous animals of North America.

1:17:29 Adam There's certain things like in the poker world, they would call it a tell. There's certain things like him using the word wampum and tomahawk and thunder.

1:17:39 Yeah.

1:17:39 Drew But shall we show you, should we sort of rouse him?

1:17:42 Adam All right. What's your question?

1:17:44 Caller Well, was that Anderson that I was talking to or was that Anderson? All right.

1:17:48 Adam Listen, you must be hot or drunk or possibly even both.

1:17:52 Caller No, I'm not. Well, I guess I'm hot, but I'm not drunk. I'm just kind of nervous because-

1:17:58 Adam Okay. Well, don't be obnoxious. What do you want?

1:18:00 Caller I'm not being obnoxious.

1:18:01 I want to talk to the chief.

1:18:02 Adam Okay. What's your-

1:18:03 Caller Your phone screener guy was trying to make me come up with a question about my cooter and was like being all lame. And I told him that I would come up with one, which is, well, I wanted to ask the chief-

1:18:13 Adam Hold on a second. What is the part? What is the impulse? And I would imagine somewhere between stupid and angry. Stangry. Where people, we get this once in a while, where people do this, where they just have to go, you know, I called and your phone screener said that I should lie about my age and I shouldn't have anything. So I told him that I would come. So he made me, you're on the air. You have to discuss the whole discussion with the phone screener, which makes him look like an idiot or makes us angry. Look, look.

1:18:44 Caller Yeah.

1:18:45 Adam Really, the part, remember the thing where he said, Liz, before I put you on the air, I need you to come up with that part, the confidential part. You have to discuss that part on the air. Shut up. I can't stand people anymore. I can't, you know what I can't stand? I can't stand the, you know, that sort of backhanded compliment of, I listen to the show, but not, you know, every time we get a band in here and it's like, hey, you guys like Linkin Park? Well, I don't like, I don't listen to, you know, it's like, no one can go, hey, they rock. Anyway, here's my question, like, what is that? What's that part? And by the way, it's something that hot chicks suffer with. They're, no one ever tells them to shut up. Amelia?

1:19:27 Caller Come on.

1:19:28 Adam Listen, I was about to go get Chief Thunder Bear, but then you started talking about what the phone screener told you to do, and now you can kiss my ass.

1:19:39 Caller Adam, I'm sorry. Can I please hump your leg a little bit and make it up to you?

1:19:44 Adam All right, go ahead, I'm listening.

1:19:46 Caller Okay, Adam, I think that you're the most hilarious guy ever, and your analogies, I know about the hot girls.

1:19:55 Adam I can't hear about the analogies, yeah. What about them, sweetie?

1:19:58 Caller Like, they're really hilarious all the time.

1:20:01 Adam Yeah, you know, a lot of people think I think of those before the show, but I don't. That's like sort of touch right now.

1:20:07 Caller Okay, well, what would get you to arouse the chief at this point?

1:20:11 Adam He's playing Tetris in the hall. He gets pretty angry.

1:20:14 Drew I saw him playing Centipede tonight.

1:20:15 Adam Oh, Centipede.

1:20:16 Drew yes, he left the Tetris camp for a second.

1:20:19 Adam I'll go get him.

1:20:20 Drew Oh, Amelia, you have worked your magic. I have never seen Corolla.

1:20:24 Caller I can't believe it. I thought I was getting totally ripped.

1:20:27 Drew You were, you were, but you had to...

1:20:29 Caller I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

1:20:30 Caller I didn't mean to be unhelpful.

1:20:31 Drew Okay, all right. You've done enough. And those compliments got you back in.

1:20:35 Caller Wow.

1:20:37 Caller I can't believe I swung it.

1:20:39 Adam All right, hold on. Don't get cocky. And there's no guarantees he's coming in.

1:20:43 Drew All right, you're on thin ice, just to keep your words to a minimum. Yeah, that's my advice.

1:20:47 Adam Chris, you got the... Don't we have some tribal Indian music or something makes the... I'm guessing by the crazy look that Chris just gave me, I'm going to go...

1:20:59 Caller That's a Michelle thing.

1:21:00 Adam No, but Michelle brought it in.

1:21:02 Drew She said she'd burn one for you.

1:21:04 Adam Burn one and...

1:21:05 Caller Yeah.

1:21:05 Drew Let me check.

1:21:06 Adam Yeah, look around because I know the chief feels much more at home when he hears his native music played in the background. It's a soothing thing.

1:21:16 Caller Yeah.

1:21:17 Drew Well, those are the guys that took over after this.

1:21:20 Adam Let me go see if I can run the chief down.

1:21:22 Drew I'm just mostly I'm abused by watching Chris.

1:21:24 Adam What's he doing? He's pulling up the carpet looking for him.

1:21:28 Drew Is that the photo? What are you looking at?

1:21:31 Adam He doesn't go in anywhere. He's pretending to look.

1:21:33 Drew He's pretending to look.

1:21:35 Adam You don't know where to look, do you, Chris?

1:21:37 Drew I was actually looking. OK, let him go.

1:21:40 Adam Let him go. Michelle, engineer us, Michelle.

1:21:44 Drew Engineer us. Yeah. Why don't we take a break?

1:21:48 Adam We're going to take a break.

1:21:48 Drew And we'll have Amelia put Amelia on hold.

1:21:50 Adam All right, Amelia.

1:21:51 Drew Hot Amelia.

1:21:51 Adam What do you look like, Amelia?

1:21:54 Caller I have green eyes and brown hair.

1:21:57 Drew Oh, my God, Michelle, just hold on a second, Amelia.

1:22:00 Adam Hold on.

1:22:01 Drew Hold on.

1:22:01 Adam I want to hear. I want to hear what you look like. Fantastic green eyes and brown hair.

1:22:06 Drew Yeah.

1:22:08 Caller I'm cute and I'm like way too stable to listen to your show, really. I just do it for you, Adam. That's it.

1:22:13 Adam All right. Now, what do you wear? How tall are you?

1:22:16 Caller I'm 5'8. I have like the most perfect rack ever.

1:22:20 Caller I swear I'll send you a picture.

1:22:21 Caller I'm going to be in Seattle for a year.

1:22:23 Adam Yeah.

1:22:24 Caller Yeah.

1:22:24 Caller Come on down. Yeah.

1:22:26 Adam Listen. Yeah. You'd like Anderson.

1:22:28 Caller I was going to call and ask for the like morning radio show guy. And then the only reason I brought the phone screener up is because he reminded me of that shtick.

1:22:36 Adam All right.

1:22:37 Caller OK.

1:22:37 Adam All right. Listen, we're all good.

1:22:39 Drew Words to a minimum. You got it?

1:22:41 Adam Five eight dark hair. What do you got? A C cup gone?

1:22:45 Caller Yeah. It's like a large C, small d.

1:22:48 Adam Bouncy, bouncy. Small d. Nice.

1:22:50 Caller Yeah.

1:22:51 Adam And what?

1:22:52 Drew Adam, she didn't say C.

1:22:53 Adam How much do you weigh?

1:22:55 Caller Like 130, 135.

1:22:58 Adam What do you do?

1:22:58 Drew You're fat.

1:23:00 Adam Something.

1:23:01 Caller I'm so not fat.

1:23:02 Adam What do you do? You do something with coffee. What do you do?

1:23:05 Drew Serve coffee.

1:23:06 Caller I work at a fun Mexican restaurant and I go to school and I write and I'm not stupid. And I didn't get like raped by my dad or anything.

1:23:15 Drew Anderson wants to know what restaurant because he's going to show up there.

1:23:18 Adam Anderson is coming out to Seattle soon.

1:23:21 Caller Can Anderson like come and then bring me to Adam?

1:23:25 Adam Well, I'll tell you what we can do. I'll tell you what we can do.

1:23:28 Caller Are you still married to your hot wife, Adam?

1:23:30 Adam Yeah, but I'll tell you what we can do. I can take my penis and put it on Anderson.

1:23:39 Caller Keep your dick off of me, please.

1:23:42 Drew You just keistered at Anderson carrying out a sale that way.

1:23:46 Adam I can't go up there, but the business part of me can. And look at Anderson. It is more of a dork transport than an actual person. And then when you were with Anderson, it would be like being with me. Is that what you're saying?

1:24:01 Caller It's a visceral experience of Adam, except because he's kind of your tool in a way, right?

1:24:05 Adam That's right. He does my bidding.

1:24:06 Drew Your tool is...

1:24:08 Adam On his... where his tool was.

1:24:09 Caller Unacceptable.

1:24:10 Adam Here's the thing too, Amelia. You may like Anderson. Girls like Anderson.

1:24:14 Caller Yeah.

1:24:15 Caller He's probably like witty or something.

1:24:17 Adam No.

1:24:17 Drew He's a brooding artsy type.

1:24:18 Adam They just like him because he doesn't like them, but whatever.

1:24:21 Caller Oh, yeah. One of those.

1:24:22 Adam You're going to like him. He sent up Seattle.

1:24:26 Drew What's the name of the restaurant?

1:24:27 Caller Yeah.

1:24:27 Adam He'll go out to the restaurant.

1:24:28 Caller The name of the restaurant is Momma's Mexican Kitchen, and it's like banging like Metallica every day of the week.

1:24:34 Caller I wanted to know because I hang out at Jalisco's all the time. Well, I'm not allowed in there anymore, but I used to hang out at a fun Mexican restaurant in Seattle.

1:24:41 Caller Oh, you really do go to Seattle.

1:24:43 Drew He wants us to ask why he's not allowed to go to Seattle.

1:24:45 Caller No, I don't need you to ask that. No, I never heard of it.

1:24:48 Caller Jalisco's out of the water, man.

1:24:50 Adam All right. I would like Anderson to go over there and thump you, just to come back and report to us.

1:24:58 Drew Okay, we gotta get Thunder Bear out of the air.

1:25:00 Adam We're gonna take a quick break. Phone screener Ziggy and Brian, don't hang up on Amelia. Okay, hold on a second.

1:25:07 Caller Hold on.

1:25:08 Adam We're gonna take a break. We're gonna go get Thunder Bear playing centipedes, or space invaders, centipedes? Okay, we'll get him in here. He'll handle her gynecological question after this. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Forget about that phone number. We have Amelia on line six, 20 years old, a hottie, calling from Seattle. Green eyes, brown hair.

1:25:49 Caller Hi, Adam.

1:25:50 Adam yes, C slash D rec.

1:25:52 Drew So Amelia, you're done with Adam. You wanna talk to the Chief Thunder Bear, right?

1:25:55 Caller yes. I'm rubbing sticks together and pounding at Tom Tom.

1:26:00 Adam Starting to fire, starting to fire.

1:26:02 Drew Kindling.

1:26:02 Adam Yeah. All right. Let me go get the guy.

1:26:07 Drew It's all for you tonight. Thanks. And just think, keep your, don't talk too much. Words to him. There he goes.

1:26:18 Caller Oh, here he comes.

1:26:19 Drew And just sort of think of your question and state it very clearly to him, okay? Okay. You know how he gets, he gets, he's sort of excitable sometimes.

1:26:25 Adam I'm a hot chick from Seattle.

1:26:28 Drew Oh, yeah, he's in now. Oh, hey, hi, chief.

1:26:31 Caller Hi, chief.

1:26:32 Drew How are you?

1:26:32 Caller Good evening.

1:26:37 Drew He's got to prepare the room, Amelia. Hold on a second.

1:26:40 Adam Amelia, shh. What did I tell you?

1:26:42 Drew You can't interrupt him in the middle of one of his chants. I know you're praying for that.

1:26:49 Adam I know, chief. Free Jimmy Chunga.

1:26:57 Drew Chief, here we go.

1:26:58 Caller Hey, hey, hey, hey.

1:27:00 Drew Okay, he's ready now. You got a question for the chief?

1:27:03 Caller Okay, I do. Chief, how, chief, what is your preference in the way of the ethnic vagina, and have you been with an Asian woman?

1:27:11 Adam Yeah, check it out, I want to check it out.

1:27:14 Caller Hey, slow down, Amelia, slow down.

1:27:17 Drew He says your comedy training has not been too intense. So just to stay with the basic questions.

1:27:23 Adam Yeah.

1:27:24 Drew He also wants to know if, wait, wait, just hang on a second. He went, are you Asian?

1:27:28 Adam No. No, no, no.

1:27:31 Drew Wait, he's confused. Amelia, hold on a second. Amelia, less words, more clarity.

1:27:36 Adam Okay.

1:27:37 Drew Why did you ask about Asian women?

1:27:40 Caller I heard rumor of horizontal Asian vagina.

1:27:44 Adam Oh, geez.

1:27:46 Drew What are you talking about?

1:27:47 Adam What are you talking about?

1:27:52 Drew He's been a guy to college for many years, never noticed any trends.

1:27:54 Adam No. No.

1:27:55 Drew No.

1:27:55 Adam Hey, hey.

1:27:55 Drew Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

1:27:59 Adam Hey, Amelia.

1:28:01 Drew Is this what you call the chief in here? He wants to go back to his centipede.

1:28:05 Adam Centipede, Tetris, here we are.

1:28:07 Drew This is it?

1:28:09 Caller Yeah, that was it.

1:28:10 Drew Oh, Amelia.

1:28:11 Adam He's getting a little irritated.

1:28:13 Drew He's like, oh, I'm sorry, chief. And no coffee, too. I know. I'm so sorry. Chief, Chris, Chris, Chris. What's it going to take?

1:28:21 Adam What's it going to take, Chris?

1:28:23 Drew I'm sorry, chief. I know. So anyway, this chief. Yeah, I know.

1:28:29 Adam $10 hour.

1:28:30 Drew I know. Too much. I know. Too much. You should have seen him scamp around looking for your music, though. He's really quite a sight to see.

1:28:37 Adam It should be paid in squirrel crap. Yeah.

1:28:40 Drew Don't worry.

1:28:40 Adam Too good. Yeah.

1:28:41 Drew Chief, as long as you bring that up. Have you ever seen a squirrel crap?

1:28:45 Adam No, no.

1:28:46 Drew No one has. No, no kidding.

1:28:47 Adam Yeah.

1:28:49 Drew The big squad in the sky might have. No, no, no. I know. I know. I know it's a stupid question. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, my goodness. Chief Thunder Bear, would you like to take another call? I've got another boob call here lined up.

1:29:22 Adam No, no.

1:29:23 Drew Line four. Line four. Did you? No, no, no.

1:29:26 Adam No, I heard you.

1:29:28 Drew Chief, Chief, Chief, Chief, you're screwing everything up here. Here we go. Jennifer is 16. Jennifer?

1:29:33 Caller Hi.

1:29:33 Adam Yeah, hey.

1:29:34 Drew Chief Thunder Bear is on with you.

1:29:39 Caller I just wanted to say, Adam, Chief Andrew, I love you, I love you.

1:29:45 Drew Thanks, Jennifer. Chief, unfortunately, has gone into a fugue state.

1:29:49 Adam Stop kissing loin cloth, ask him questions.

1:29:51 Drew Okay, he's ready for questions.

1:29:53 Caller Okay, my question is, can I do anything to make my breast bigger?

1:30:00 Drew Chief, any way to enlarge the breast at 16? She's at A cup, it says here. He's not interested, I'm sorry, Jennifer, but I'll answer the call for you. No, no, no, no, Chief. With deer fat and put under. Jennifer, just give yourself a little time, you're still 16. Yeah, 16, old enough to carry Squaw.

1:30:23 Adam I mean, Papoose. Papoose.

1:30:28 Drew That some women find when they go on the birth control pill, they're breast enlarged, and there are always plastic procedures. Chief, I just want to take this one call here before we run out of time. This is Jane 25. She's from fresno, Chief.

1:30:38 Adam Hey, hey, hey.

1:30:39 Drew Yeah, I know, many, many ancestors come from fresno. Oh, he's praying to them now. I know, yes, I know. Take your hands off your penis. Jane?

1:30:47 Adam White trash. Hi.

1:30:48 Caller Hi.

1:30:50 Drew What's going on?

1:30:51 Hey, I just wanted to let you guys know, I was, I've had a messed up life. I was, you know, sexually molested, raped, I've been through tons of sexual encounters.

1:31:02 Adam I've been satimized by Buffalo.

1:31:04 Drew Don't cry to me.

1:31:07 But I'm pretty normal, I'm able to deal with my problems. I just, I listen to you guys' show, you know, pretty often, and it just kind of makes me sick, the way that girls aren't able to handle their problems, and they're just afraid to.

1:31:16 Drew And I just want to let you guys know. What do you mean, you're able to handle them?

1:31:20 Adam Denial.

1:31:21 Drew yes, that's probably what this is, Chief.

1:31:22 Caller Well, you know, I haven't been in denial about the things that have happened to me and had to have a big craving for it.

1:31:27 Drew I know, but you sound like what people tend to do when they're not in denial is go ahead and act out. They go ahead and have lots of partners and get all kinds of crazy relationships going as a way of sort of creating a comfort with their drama.

1:31:40 Adam Denial, not just stream in Montana.

1:31:44 Drew Chief, you made it, Chief.

1:31:45 Adam Indian human, hey, how are you?

1:31:49 Yeah, but it's just one thing at the same time. I've had a lot of that where I actually acted out, beginning with my own sexual encounters at the age of 15.

1:31:56 Drew That's what I'm saying. So you've settled down now?

1:31:59 Yeah.

1:32:00 Drew Okay, well good.

1:32:01 I completely have and just, yeah.

1:32:02 Drew Well, here's the deal.

1:32:03 Adam Full-blown lesbaugh, huh?

1:32:04 Drew No, no, but the fact is that there are genetic resiliency factors and there are also early attachment issues that can help people overcome traumas as they get older. So yeah, there's no doubt that some people do better with these things than others. Don't you agree, Chief? Chief, if you just settle down, keep going, keep going, it's all good. This is Dr. Drew, Adam Corolla's playing Tetris. We're here with Chief, who will continue to say prayers on all people's behalf.

1:32:29 Adam Here he is, pussy, play Tetris.

1:32:31 Drew Just say prayer, say prayer, Chief, good, yes, it's very good. Think about peaceful things, forget about those difficult callers we've had, and we'll be back after this.

1:32:42 Caller All right, guys, here's the deal.

1:32:44 Caller Look in the hookup, call the Dateline.

1:32:46 Caller Stick a waste in time with the wrong person, call the Dateline.

1:32:48 Caller One call is all you need to make. Call the Dateline.

1:32:51 Caller 1-877-889. Date. Call Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:33:02 Caller The one and only Live 105.

1:33:17 Drew Well, I feel cleansed by the chief's spirit.

1:33:20 Adam Yeah, chief just farted.

1:33:21 Drew Oh, that's what that was. I thought it was, well, okay.

1:33:25 Adam He's bad, it always smells like pemmican and stream water when he likes it.

1:33:30 Drew I think of bear crap.

1:33:31 Adam Oh, yeah, yeah, it makes sense. All right, fantastic, thanks for tuning in. And so until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo.

1:33:41 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, December 7, 2004