Episode 1000664693212

1:26 Adam We're the Musician, Addiction Medicine Specialist, and tonight, we welcome back to the show, a dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear friend, Kathy Griffin.

1:34 Hello, boys.

1:35 Adam Great to see you, cats.

1:37 You guys always look fantastic, and I have so much fun to spend time with. I want you to know that I'm wearing a top that I got from a gift bag, because I live for a gift bag, designed by Lori Petty.

1:47 Adam Wow, Tank Girl.

1:48 Yeah.

1:49 Drew Who's Lori Petty?

1:50 Adam Tank Girl.

1:50 You know, the actress, a league of their own.

1:54 Adam Hold on, hold on, hold on. If Drew had a nickel for every time someone said, you know the, fill in the blank, you'd be a rich, rich man. yes, he would be.

2:05 Drew, what do you know?

2:05 Do you know athletes?

2:07 Adam No, he doesn't know anything.

2:08 What? You don't know actors, singers? You must know music people. You've met them all.

2:12 Drew Music, but it's, I'm sort of checked out of culture.

2:16 Adam Yeah.

2:16 Drew Yeah.

2:17 Adam Here's what-

2:17 Caller I didn't hear you checked out.

2:19 Drew Here's the deal, when I was in training, this is what he gives me groove about.

2:22 Adam No, no, no, no, let me, let me, let me please. I gotta get in here because here's what Drew, here's what Drew has done. Drew said, look, when I was in medical school, which is one of his, it's like an old Jew with a bad hip, always going back to it. Oh, the hip, you know, whatever you talk about, hey grandpa, can you help bring the steamer? Oh, he starts clutching. He does that with his medical school. His medical school has spanned from 1910 to 2055. He's now, I now believe he was in medical school for 128 years.

2:50 Drew In the Renaissance.

2:51 Caller He did calculations on an abacus.

2:53 Adam Drew is like, so Drew started with, listen, when I was in medical school, I was immersed. I mean, you don't understand. It was 120 hours a week. I never even saw sunlight. I didn't have a chance to read the newspaper.

3:04 Caller So if you had gone to an Ivy League school, you'd be insufferable. Cause that's what all the Ivy Leaguers do. They have to let you know that they went to an Ivy League school within 30 seconds of it.

3:11 Adam Well, his excuse for not knowing anything is he's smarter than you.

3:16 Drew No, no, no.

3:16 Caller I know he's smarter than me. He doesn't have to convince me.

3:19 Adam Let me just finish. Let me just finish. This then, all right, I started doing the math and blocked out a good six-year portion of his life, but he's expanded in about 23 years.

3:29 Caller Maybe he went back.

3:30 Drew You've got to give me 82 to about 89.

3:33 Adam Now he admits, though, he knows nothing.

3:36 Drew I don't know. I don't know movies. I don't know sports. I have no idea what happened, and because of that checkout, it's like I'm always trying to get back in. I'm never quite back in the game.

3:44 Adam Let me give you a couple of recent ones. Okay. You having a handicap, what about sitting next to you?

3:50 Drew Dude.

3:50 Adam That's hobbled.

3:52 Drew I feel for you.

3:52 Adam Cut off at the knees.

3:53 Drew Okay. Try to weave your comedic magic.

3:56 Caller This is not a supportive environment. You have to be funny.

3:58 Adam I'm not going to support you.

3:58 Drew You can't rely on me. You have to be funny.

4:00 Adam Yeah, but how can you be funny when the person next to you is going, I don't know what you're talking about? Sound like Scooby-Doo. So Kathy, what if you're sitting here and saying, I was sitting here a couple of weeks ago, I was like, hey, did you hear president Bush pardon the turkey out on the White House lawn today? Oh, what? You know, every year he pardons the turkey out on the White House. I didn't know. 55 years straight.

4:21 Caller Well, Drew, that has nothing to do with your...

4:23 Drew That's the point.

4:24 Adam That's the point.

4:24 Drew So I'm checked out.

4:25 Adam Never heard of that. So the other day, I said, I said, I wouldn't care if I was living next door to John Wayne Gacy. And he's in a clown outfit, strangling a kid. And Drew goes, is that the guy who got his thingy cut off?

4:37 Caller No, that's Bobbitt.

4:39 Adam It's Bobbitt. John Wayne Gacy is a serial killer. Right, clown.

4:42 Caller Party clown.

4:42 Adam No, it's zero. So the point is, it's a big fat zero.

4:45 Drew However, any kids film last eight years?

4:49 Caller SpongeBob?

4:50 Drew spades.

4:50 Adam And then once in a while, he gets out right, he comes over and he goes, he goes, you know, you know, Ricky Tickey from Thomas the Tank Engine? I'm like, no, I don't. You don't know Ricky Tickey from Thomas the Tank Engine? What do you think I do? Watch tutorial videos for retarded three-year-olds? Oh my God, porn. I don't watch Thomas the Tank Engine.

5:11 Caller Adam, hold on, hold on. Every time I come on the show, I want to have a nice civilized discussion about people and their feelings.

5:19 Adam I'm sorry.

5:20 Caller And always with the porn. How much do you jerk off and watch porn a day?

5:25 Drew Those are two different questions.

5:27 Adam No, they're not.

5:28 Caller I mean, how much?

5:28 Drew No, because the porn, I mean, let's face it, sometimes he has to go down and sort of smell the porn, take in the porn. He has a bunker. He puts his face in the scanner and he gets... And he lets him in his bunker and he goes down there to catalyze.

5:41 Caller What are some of your favorite titles?

5:43 Adam Well, I like Sex Boat. Not, I mean, favorite movie, not title. It's not ever a great time.

5:49 Drew Spank me.

5:50 Caller Now, what is the plot line of Sex Boat?

5:53 Adam Two guys...

5:55 Caller Again?

5:56 Adam Two guys stow away on a cruise ship.

5:58 Drew Oh my God. That's a plot.

5:59 Adam Yeah. They stow away on a cruise ship and have to dress up as lays. Kind of bosom buddy-esque.

6:05 Drew Why do you like this?

6:06 Adam Well, I'll tell you what. I know what I love about women.

6:09 Caller You have wonderful legs.

6:10 Adam I have never really sussed it out, but I imagine it to happen that if you dress as a woman, go in a powder room filled with sort of scanty-clad women who are primping for the night, and expose your penis to all, get excited, and dive on you.

6:23 Drew You figure that out now?

6:24 Adam Oh, we find over it. I've been watching the movie.

6:26 Drew We find over it.

6:27 Adam That's good. I like, well, let's see.

6:31 Drew He's always talking about spank me.

6:32 Adam Spank me, F me, yeah, but I don't have that one.

6:33 Caller Did you ever see Boys of Albario?

6:35 Adam No, I didn't.

6:36 Caller It is a Paige Turner.

6:38 Adam Is it porn?

6:39 Caller Yeah, it's gay porn.

6:40 Adam I don't like, ooh.

6:41 Caller What happened, buzzkill?

6:43 Adam Well, here's the thing.

6:43 Drew Tell her, explain to her about this thing.

6:45 Adam Well, OK, because I've been.

6:45 Drew She needs a little talk about this.

6:46 Adam We've been talking about this, which is, you know, I think people think that most men are just sort of heterosexual men are just sort of gay bashers. Well, I mean, we're sort of phobic of. Here's the reason we don't accept the gay lifestyle because we're not liberal enough. We're too uptight.

7:04 Drew We're too rigid.

7:05 Adam The man in society has forced his will on us and we're sort of freaked out in this knee-jerk reaction about men. Here's the thing. Guys have a visceral reaction to seeing depictions of gay erotica. I mean, the most liberal, open-minded, atheist, left-wing Democrat in the world sees two guys cornhole and he has to avert his gaze and hold his hand up. If he sees two guys kissing, but why is it like that for guys?

7:33 Caller Like if I see chicks making out, I don't get aroused, but I don't freak out.

7:37 Drew We can't figure it out. But Adam was talking about how.

7:39 Caller Is it because guys are big babies?

7:41 Drew Yeah.

7:42 Caller Because I did an event the other night. I know this is a big shocker, but I hosted a drag show. And so the whole gay army was there in full uniform, if you know what I'm saying. And so I had the crew of my reality show there, because I'm doing a reality show for Bravo right now called The D-List, based on my life as a D-List celebrity. Not that this is not an A-List gig tonight, because I want you to know.

8:02 Drew By the way, they didn't bother bringing the cameras in. This is the G-List.

8:07 Caller My crew didn't even really think it was worth coming down. They literally would rather be at home with my mother-in-law cooking for my Christmas party. So anyway, we were doing the drag show, and I was of course in heaven. And then a couple of guys on the crew were like all night, they had to keep saying every two seconds, like, oh, I got to take a bath when I get home, and I don't want to get too close to this. They were going to catch the gay. So I'm not saying that they should have put on a Lucy dress and done the conveyor belt chocolate scene to music themselves. But why do they think they're going to catch the gay? Why do they have to say it every two seconds? Like, I knew they were gay.

8:44 Drew It's the level of their discomfort with this. And Adam always describes how he's going through his big top porn section. Tucker Teller.

8:52 Adam Well, all I'm saying is, no, I don't want to get into that. What I want to say is it's important for society to realize that heterosexual guys have a visceral reaction, a biological reaction to gay erotica. And I wonder, by the way, if that freaking out makes a certain small percentage of them want to go get them. Do you know what I'm saying?

9:14 Drew Because you feel angry about it?

9:16 Adam It's just, it has such a reaction to it that it makes you want to just go after it. I mean, you know, males do have that instinct. You know what I mean?

9:24 Caller Well, I'll never get that. Like, how does it go from, I'm not gay, it's not my thing, to let's tie Matthew Shepard to a post? I mean, what's going on with that? Like, why, to make guys actually go through with the action, or that guy, Trev Brody, who was gay bashed literally with an inch of his life and has been like trying to crawl back to sanity. I mean, I can see like even, whatever, guys make jokes about it and stuff, but like, when you're actually taking a lead pipe and you're cracking the guy's head open, you can't control yourself?

9:50 Adam No, well, first off, the Matthew Shepard thing is turning more and more out to be a speed related incident. Yeah, the guys were high on speed and trying to score speed, and there was like one guy went into this sort of crazy rage and just started going nuts and then bashed in someone else's head later on. It turned into a big gay bashing thing, but it's a whole hour long special on it. Really didn't have that much to do with the guys' sexual proclivity now that they look at it. Either way, the guys are in jail where they belong. I don't know what makes guys do that. I wonder if that small percentage of guys feels like, oh, oh, me thinks thou protest too much. Maybe they feel a little bit that way.

10:30 Caller I think it's, I sort of know that it is entitlement. I think some of it is just, I can just do it because I can. I think it's very similar to the beating of a woman thing. It's anger. A lot of guys have anger toward women, but when you're actually putting your fist in some woman's eye, there's got to be some kind of entitlement, some kind of I'm doing it because I can. And then the normal garden variety, I hate women. And I'm mad at my mom.

10:53 Adam Yeah.

10:54 Drew You know, I wonder if, stay with me, this is maybe hard logic to follow, that you know how in any relationship it takes to, you know, that there's something evoked in these potentially violent guys.

11:06 Caller I already do not like where you're going.

11:07 Adam But you're saying-

11:08 Drew No, no, no, no, no, I'm not saying it's anybody's responsibility.

11:10 Adam You're saying the gays deserve it.

11:11 Drew No, I'm not saying that.

11:12 Adam That's what I hear.

11:12 Drew I'm saying that there's something, it's a what we call a projective identification, that there's something evoked, that the evoke, women evoke something, these violent men, gay men evoke something within these guys. Now people could easily go, well, it's their fear of homosexuality that that's in. But maybe it's something else. Maybe it's something more primitive in the sense that, that they're receiving something from these guys that makes them angry.

11:36 Adam Let's put it this way. Let's put it, let's look at it. Let's look at it on the bright side for one second. I know it sounds like retarded logic, but you take 100 million heterosexual men, you show them 100 million depictions of gay erotica, and there's 100 million heterosexual men that vomit a bio. Okay, out of that 100 million, they're only about 18 actually beat the crap out of them. That's not bad. All right, there we go. Let's move forward. You know what I'm saying?

12:02 Caller You're both pathetic.

12:03 Adam Low percentage.

12:04 Caller I can't believe you think that Matthew Shepard had nothing to do with him being gay. It was just a speed freak thing.

12:08 Adam I just saw a whole hour's worth of like 48 hours or 2020 or something on it.

12:14 Caller Who did it, John Stossel? That sounds very slanted to me.

12:16 Adam John Stossel.

12:18 Caller That right-wing a-hole.

12:19 Adam Give me a break. I love when he starts whining about consumer products.

12:22 Caller I like when John Stossel did a whole 2020 about how Morgan Spurlock exaggerated. Then they had four people that lost weight by eating supersized McDonald's every day for a month. Yeah, that's real.

12:34 Adam Well, it's his job. It's an artistic license.

12:38 Caller There's only one Anderson Cooper. That's all I can say.

12:40 Adam Samantha, here we go.

12:42 Caller I think he's dreaming.

12:43 Adam Here we go. Samantha?

12:45 Yeah.

12:46 Adam You're 24?

12:47 Caller Yeah.

12:48 Adam What's up?

12:49 Caller I was wanting to know about signs and symptoms of being a sex addict.

12:55 Drew Well, it usually means having a lot of sex or at least preoccupying about sexual things.

12:59 Caller You don't like very much and who aren't very nice to you.

13:01 Drew Well, or just having consequences from your sexuality either.

13:04 Caller Or not really feeling anything.

13:05 Drew No, there's a lot of girls who do that, Kathy.

13:10 Caller And then you have some Krispy Kreme and all the pain goes bye bye.

13:15 Drew It's more about the consequences and the fact that you keep doing it in spite of not wanting to stop and getting worse with time. What's happening? All right, let me tell you some more signs.

13:33 Caller Well, is she talking about herself or her boyfriend? Maybe she's talking about her boyfriend.

13:36 Adam Every time we go to the phones, it's like somebody yanks the cord in a 40s movie on a train and it just locks up. Sparks flying out from the wheels. I know the edict is go to the phones, but every time we go to the phones, it's like all of a sudden, all right, everyone take a quail load, suck off this ether rag and let's just bring it down.

13:55 Drew Well, Samantha, having been sexually abused is another sign, family history of addiction, another sign. So what do you got going?

14:02 Caller Just unable to keep a relationship going and...

14:07 Drew Because you act that you have sex with somebody in the middle of the relationship?

14:11 Caller Yeah.

14:12 Drew Well, that may be just plain old sabotage. If you have a history of difficult family relationship, your dad has been very chaotic.

14:19 Adam Where's daddy? Where is he?

14:22 Caller He passed away three years ago.

14:24 Adam All right, I'm gonna hang up on you because of the three Mississippi before every goddamn answer, unless we can get that down to one Mississippi.

14:30 Drew What this means is, what you're seeing evoked in him is she was physically abused. yes. That's how he responds to victims of physical abuse.

14:36 Adam Because people that are angry, actually, it's a, well, it's a female and a male thing.

14:40 Drew But you know what I'm, now this goes back to my thing I was talking about with the gay men.

14:43 Adam Right.

14:44 Drew Maybe there's something in them that evokes this kind of reaction. No, Adam's just a dick. And it's not about being gay. It's about something evokes, you know, that, you know what I'm saying?

14:55 Adam Dr. Griffin makes a valid point.

14:56 Drew Samantha's not a bad person. Samantha's not, you know, she's angry, objectively angry, but she evokes something in him.

15:02 Adam Because she's angry.

15:03 Caller I think what she evokes in him is that he knows he can bully her because she seems all timid.

15:07 Adam No, she's angry.

15:08 Caller He can't resist.

15:10 Drew He hates passive aggressive.

15:12 Adam Let me explain something.

15:13 Drew Oh, he hates it.

15:14 Adam I am like one of those airport dogs that sniffs out stuff.

15:16 Caller Well, then you must love me because I'm aggressive aggressive.

15:18 Drew yes, he likes that.

15:19 Adam Yeah, you're aggressive aggressive. I know exactly what I'm getting into with you. these people are like they're they're like tsunamis. They're like they're like what they're like tidal waves. They're only three foot off the ground and go, I can handle this. And all of a sudden, pal, they help you. You I see coming from the lighthouse.

15:33 Caller You've got your surfboard, your wetsuit.

15:35 Adam Now I start heading for high ground. Are you kidding? I'm not going near the ocean. Plus it's polluted. Samantha. All right. What happened? Sexually abused by dad. Physically. No. Physical abuse.

15:49 Drew No one ever hit you?

15:50 Caller No. Wow. Never.

15:53 Adam They abandoned you?

15:58 Drew Three Mississippians.

15:58 Adam That was five.

16:00 Caller Kind of, sort of. I mean. He was sick from terminally ill from the time I was ten.

16:10 Drew So how do you be, it's hard to be terminally ill for 14 years. What did he have?

16:14 Caller Cancer.

16:15 Drew What kind of cancer?

16:17 Caller Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.

16:20 Drew Well, again, he had a potentially terminal illness, but he wasn't terminally ill when he first got diagnosed. So why all the feelings about that?

16:28 Caller Maybe in the house, they always acted like he was going to drop it any minute, and then maybe she thinks guys are going to drop it any minute.

16:32 Adam Well, so your dad was a good guy?

16:35 Caller Oh, yeah.

16:37 Drew Mom? What? Mom?

16:42 Caller Shot him.

16:43 Drew How was mom?

16:44 Caller Um, loud.

16:48 Adam Wow, too bad you didn't get any of those genes.

16:51 Drew And by the way, it got a crystal clear.

16:52 Adam Like a cobbled together show.

16:53 Drew Oh, mom.

16:55 Adam Yeah, by the way, you needed the 10 count for loud? Loud. All right, let's do a reenactment.

17:03 Drew So what about mom?

17:04 Adam Hmm.

17:05 Drew What was she like? Mom? Anything you can tell us about mom?

17:08 Adam Mom?

17:08 Drew Mom?

17:11 Adam Loud. Aha! Now I know. It's just snapped into focus.

17:19 Drew Anyway, it's about that you certainly behave like somebody who's had some difficult experiences growing up.

17:24 Adam So did dad pass away?

17:26 Drew Recently. Three years ago.

17:27 Yeah.

17:28 Adam So he made it for 10 years at the house.

17:30 Yeah.

17:31 Adam And you and he...

17:32 Drew And Foma's a highly treatable condition.

17:33 Adam And he was a good guy. You loved him. Everything was cool with him.

17:36 Caller Yeah, we had a great relationship.

17:38 Adam A great relationship. And so, mom...

17:40 Drew Your entire life?

17:41 Caller Yeah.

17:42 Drew This is your biological father?

17:44 Caller Yeah. He was my hero. I mean, he was my best friend. I mean, he was just... He was gone. I mean, he was military and he was treated out of state. And my mom became the breadwinner. And so, I mean...

18:02 Adam So he was out of the house now?

18:04 Caller Yeah.

18:04 Drew Something... Samantha, something's wrong with the story. Something's very, very wrong with the story.

18:07 Adam How long did he go away for treatment?

18:08 Caller Maybe she idealized him too much.

18:10 Adam He went away for nine years to be treated?

18:12 Drew No. No way, Samantha.

18:14 Caller He would go away to be treated at the hospital and we would go to see him, to visit him on a weekly basis because when they found the cancer, it was in stage four of stage five cancer.

18:32 Drew Stage four.

18:33 Caller Yeah. And I mean, it was just really, really bad. I mean...

18:36 Drew By the way, stage four non-hospital lymphoma is one of the more treatable conditions. I wish I had that. What if they treat it with aggressive chemotherapy? It tends to go away for a while, which is in fact obviously what happened with him. Right. Why ten years of hospitalizations?

18:50 Caller He would go into remission and then he would come out and he would go in and he would come out. Right.

18:55 Drew But how about when he was out of the hospital? He'd only be in for a couple weeks for chemo. He'd be out for months and months and months. Why are you talking about him as though he was away for nine years?

19:04 Caller Well, for most of my childhood, he was an absentee father because he was in the hospital, because he would have complications.

19:14 Drew Samantha, Samantha, you were distorting things. First of all, until you were 10, you didn't have a sick father. So for essentially all of your childhood, you had a healthy father. Subsequently, you had a father with a chronic condition that required intermittent hospitalizations. Did he divorce your mom? I mean, why was he not part of the family? You're really distorting this.

19:41 Adam Well, I think we set a record there.

19:44 Caller No, we're just getting to the good part.

19:46 Adam The good part?

19:47 Caller He was just getting her to open up.

19:49 Adam I was hearing trees.

19:49 Caller Oh, you're like my husband with the clicker. Next caller.

19:52 Adam trees were falling in the forest and not making any sound at all. Holy mother of pearl. This is wild.

19:58 Caller God, turn off survivor during the tribal council, why don't you?

20:01 Adam All right, Samantha, please spit out a god damn answer in somewhere in the, we're trying to get it into the first break here.

20:08 Caller I suppose because my father worked night and he was asleep during the day and when he came down with cancer, I mean he was kind of absentee when I was at school until age 10. I mean he would sleep during the day. I never saw him during the day.

20:24 Drew So your father was checked out your whole life, not because it was cancer, he just was not a father.

20:28 Adam He was a saint. He was checked out. Here's what goes on with kids. They have to make one parent into a saint and the other one into the devil. Whereas I've declared both my parents idiots on many many occasions. You're much more involved.

20:39 Drew You're much more involved.

20:40 Adam Yeah. I know. Just admit they're both. Your mom was crappy. Your dad, I'm sorry for what happened to him, but it does sound like he was, you know, the world's, he was not a nominee for dad of the year before the cancer.

20:51 Drew Right. And your mom was abusive it sounds like.

20:53 Adam All right. So get some therapy.

20:54 Caller Go to Sex and Love Addicts. It's a 12 step program.

20:56 Drew Yeah. And well, no, no, no, go to SA. SA is better.

21:01 Caller Sex addicts.

21:02 Drew Sex addicts anonymous or CODA. CODA would be good. But also you're the hospital where he was treated. You said he was at the military. There are all kinds of grief and loss kinds of groups out there get involved with something like that right now.

21:13 All right. Let's.

21:14 Drew That's what drives me crazy about people. Again, in our culture, you and I had a little discussion about Dr. Phil. It's like they, they, whatever the patient says, the person says, Oh, really, really? Oh, you have to understand what really is true. You must understand. Well, it's like being an attorney who knows the answer to the question. You've got to know.

21:32 Adam I was going to say it's like, what if the police conducted themselves like this? No one would ever be in jail. Right. It would always be like, Oh, well, yeah, I was holding the gun. It was smoking when he burst into liquor store. But that's because the guy shot himself, the Korean guy, and then he handed it to me when he was falling down. Oh, OK. Well, we take your word for it, Mr. Johnson. We'll hit the road. All the time. I don't know why daytime TV travels down the street. Oh, because that would have been, Oh, you poor dear. Oh, he had cancer. Oh, my goodness. You had to be the strong one. You had to be parentalized so early in the relationship. That's all it turns in. And nobody wants to scratch at anything or get to anything. Samantha was sort of confused and angry and screwed up. And her mom was bad and her dad didn't sound like the greatest guy either. All right, Kathy Griffin's here though. She hates her parents. No, she loves her parents. What do you think about your parents?

22:25 Caller Oh, plug the damn DVD.

22:27 Drew Allegedly, what do you think about it? Allegedly.

22:29 Caller Oh, you mean the name of my new DVD?

22:31 Adam That's right.

22:32 Caller Flying off the shelves.

22:33 Drew Allegedly is the name of your, what a quote.

22:35 Caller Oh yeah, that's weird.

22:36 Adam Yeah, that's weird. Let me say, I was reading the National Enquirer at the salon this weekend.

22:42 Caller Getting your mani-pedi?

22:43 Drew Getting your nails done?

22:44 Adam And yes, I'm getting a cuticle push, just drinking a smart cocktail, and reading that Kathy Griffin is ripping Hollywood's hottest stars to shreds.

22:54 Caller And that quote is from?

22:56 Adam The National Enquirer.

22:57 Caller yes, an excellent periodical.

22:59 Adam yes, yeah, so Kathy, anyone has seen Kathy in person? I haven't. No, she is amongst the funniest standups working today. yes?

23:10 Caller Okay. That's so not a compliment. Anyone who's seen her, I haven't.

23:15 Drew Wait, if you know Adam, and any of our listeners know Adam, he never compliments comedians. Why?

23:22 Adam What is that about? You're funny, and he likes you, that's like, oh my God, I compliment comedians.

23:28 Drew Now you're screwing with it completely here. You want to dig your own hole deeper?

23:31 Adam No, but there could be other comedians listening.

23:34 Caller You were talking about Scratch a minute ago. No, I'm not going to just believe everything you say. You better look at me and say that I'm a pretty and a funny lady.

23:42 Adam Kathy Griffin, I have known for, what is it, 15 years now, always puts out, I don't mean sexually, but not emotionally, I might put out sexually, but not emotionally. She shows up, she shows up whether on stage, whether on panel, on a TV show, it's going to be on Jimmy Kimmel Live coming up on the 15th. I saw her get married to Clay Akins. I saw her get married to Clay Akins. On the billboard, no, the American Music Awards.

24:10 Caller To Billboards Tomorrow.

24:11 Adam That's right. The point is she is someone who shows up. There's lazy comedians out there. There are people that just sort of show up to do talk shows and they're going to sit there, they're going to be charming, they're going to go rest on the lawn.

24:21 Caller Or they don't write their own material and they have nothing to say.

24:23 Adam Right, not Kathy Griffin. She shows up loaded for Bear.

24:26 Caller Boom.

24:27 Adam Thank you. All right. Drew, you know you've heard of Loaded for Bear?

24:31 Drew Yeah, okay.

24:32 Adam Well, uh, in here, Chris, Loaded for Bear. Okay, but we're going to, uh, I like to sit in a room so we could find out if there was one thing that the two you knew, because I don't think it's out there. Huh? I'd be sitting there and be like this. I'd be sitting there and you'd be like, uh, Tugboat, Drew? yes. Chris? No.

24:52 What's the name of that?

24:53 Drew How was that?

24:54 Adam Cloud. Chris, yes, knows Cloud. Drew?

24:56 Drew Oh.

24:57 Adam No. The Cloud?

24:59 Drew No.

24:59 Adam No, sorry. We just, and the days would go by.

25:02 Drew The calendar would fly.

25:04 Adam All right. Let's take ourselves a little break. The great and hilarious Kathy Griffin here tonight. New CD or DVD, I should say. Out as we speak, allegedly. Kathy's never been funnier. We will take ourselves a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

25:20 Loveline, we'll be right back.

25:39 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear friend, Kathy Griffin, in tonight, allegedly name of the DVD. It is out, it's the hottest DVD out there right now. Town is buzzing about it.

25:57 Caller Hey, is it me or was Usher just like two years ago, like kind of like a Nancy boy? Like how did Usher turn into the sex symbol? Wasn't he kind of like following Michael Jackson around and singing in a high register?

26:08 Drew But you know what's weird is that things-

26:09 Caller Doing moonwalking?

26:10 Drew Things have become really huge in our culture are always, and I don't mean to disparage him even, but in general, things have become really giant or sort of so mediocre. You notice that?

26:19 Adam Yeah.

26:19 Drew Why don't really good things become giant popular?

26:22 Adam Kid can dance, I'll give him that. But yes-

26:24 Caller But he kind of is doing Michael Jackson's moves. I mean, I remember he was like in that Michael Jackson special and he had Nellie. How did they get so like thug?

26:32 Adam I don't know.

26:32 Caller Nellie wasn't a thug two years ago.

26:34 Adam I don't know how any, I don't know how-

26:36 Caller His name is Nellie.

26:37 Adam I don't know her. I know. Nellie's the blonde kid from Little House in the Prairie who used to antagonize poor What's-Her-Name. Yeah, that's Nellie. Pig tails. And carrying her books with a strap on them. The guy I'm always confused about is Marc Anthony. This guy-

26:55 Oh, I don't get it.

26:57 Adam Heartthrob, international.

26:59 Caller Skeletor.

27:00 Adam Skeletor. I call him Skeletor.

27:02 Caller It doesn't look like she could just kick his ass.

27:06 Drew Who kicks his ass?

27:07 Caller J.Lo. It looks like she could literally take him in a fight.

27:09 Adam Oh, she could snap him.

27:11 Drew Why don't we talk about how brutal she was to Ben?

27:13 Adam I don't want to talk about that. I'm not done with Skeletor.

27:16 Drew You're engaged and then you go out and marry another guy and then two weeks later, that's brutal.

27:20 Caller Yeah.

27:20 Adam I'm not done with Marc Anthony. I want to know, like, look, here's what we got to start doing. We got to start doing this with Paris Hilton, too, which is here's the male and female new rules. Just because you're blonde and you're not fat doesn't make you hot.

27:37 Caller yes.

27:38 Adam Paris Hilton, not hot. Flat ass, no cans and looks like somebody punched her when she wasn't thinking about something and her face stuck that way.

27:47 Caller But guys like her because they don't.

27:50 Adam Because they're idiots.

27:50 Caller No, they like the sex tape. All the guys watched it and put her on the map.

27:55 Adam Yeah, but.

27:55 Caller Which by the way is so healthy for teenage women to see. Do a sex tape at home and become a star.

28:00 Adam But if Ricky Lake does a sex tape, all the guys aren't going to like her. You see what I'm saying? There has to be something there. I'm just saying she doesn't get to be smoking hot. Her partner, Nicole Richie, does not get to be smoking hot. I've seen these people in person. I mean, Nicole Richie.

28:16 Caller Who's hot? I want to know who's hot.

28:18 Adam There are hot, you know, there's chicks like Fomke Jensen. Those are hot women.

28:21 Caller She's a hee shee.

28:23 Drew No, no, no, no, no.

28:23 Adam No, she's a hot shee.

28:24 Caller Oh, come on.

28:25 Drew Or what was one from species? What was her name?

28:27 Adam There's Natasha Hensrich.

28:29 Caller She's beautiful.

28:29 Adam these women are hot.

28:30 Caller I don't get Fomke Jensen.

28:31 Adam Nicole, Nicole.

28:32 Caller Hee shee.

28:34 Adam I don't get her either. Oh, I'll tell you. Well, then.

28:38 Drew I know what you're talking about.

28:39 Adam Give me a Miata and a squeegee for my lose sight shower because I am now gay.

28:44 Caller What about Cameron Diaz?

28:45 Adam Not too much to do about not too much.

28:47 Caller Man body, right? Man body with boobs.

28:49 Adam It's just, just I almost put cute, cute personality. Nothing wrong with her. Certainly an attractive woman, but doesn't need, doesn't need to be as hot as she is. Too much, too hypey. It's like Pam Anderson hype.

29:02 Caller Right.

29:02 Adam Too, too much.

29:03 Caller Yeah.

29:03 Adam Nicole Richie. You see her in real life. Nothing wrong with her. But look.

29:07 Caller So who's sexy?

29:08 Adam I'm, I.

29:09 Caller Lucy Liu?

29:10 Adam I'm not done talking about the ones that aren't sexy.

29:12 Caller Stop with your not done. You're on the show every night. Let me talk.

29:14 Adam So here's what I want to say. I'm asking you who you think is sexy. I didn't get to finish my point, which is, which is if you're skinny and blonde, you don't automatically get to be hot. And if you're can sing and you're not fat and you're from Mexico, you don't get to be a Latin crooner. You don't get to be a international superstar, you know, like Marc Anthony. There's nothing hot about Marc Anthony. Plus, he's got the world's crappiest song. That one hit he has blows humongous bungholes. It is the worst song I've ever heard in my goddamn life.

29:45 Caller Adam, Adam, how old are you?

29:47 Adam I'm 40.

29:48 Caller You just said blows humongous bungholes.

29:51 Drew It's awesome.

29:51 Adam You have to get creative on the radio.

29:53 Drew Relax, relax. It's fine. It's good. Claudia Schiffer?

29:56 Caller Well, I will say, I will say that I met Marc Anthony once and he was very charming.

30:01 Adam Well, maybe that's it.

30:02 Caller Very charming.

30:03 Adam Yeah. Was he singing his super crappy song?

30:06 Caller That you need to know or I need to know or tell me a baby girl?

30:09 Drew Yeah.

30:10 Adam Oh, does that song blow? I'm insulted that I've had to hear that song even once. I'll tell you, Tara Reid, Not Hot. Cute, but no big deal. First off, you can't be 5'3 and be just, you know, smoking pipe and whatever. You can be cute and nice. And don't get me wrong. I'd be glad to lay down with any of these women, but Tara Reid, much ado about nothing.

30:31 Caller I'm 5'3. I'm right here.

30:34 Adam Sorry, baby.

30:34 Caller I'm 3 away. I can't believe you just said that.

30:37 Adam You have a set of...

30:38 Caller What if I said you can't have a unibrow and be hot?

30:40 Adam You...

30:40 Caller Okay, now...

30:41 Adam Okay, I hope you're kidding.

30:42 Caller Or a hairy ass.

30:43 Adam Oh, okay. Out, out!

30:45 Get out! Out!

30:46 Caller Oh, now I crossed the line.

30:48 Adam You certainly did, sister. Now, here's the thing. You've got a set of headlights that won't quit. That's number one.

30:55 Caller It is my bread and butter. It always has been.

30:57 Adam She's a good, solid, heaping D cup. You understand?

31:01 Caller All real, baby.

31:02 Adam And you can throw out the measuring tape when you're busting out the D cups.

31:05 Caller Stick the fork in me. I'm done.

31:07 Adam That's right.

31:07 Caller OK.

31:08 Adam That's right.

31:08 Drew But you can't talk about other women around her.

31:11 Adam Oh, yeah.

31:11 Drew You can't do that.

31:12 Caller No, well, I am livid.

31:13 Adam Drew, we should we should really work out who's hot and who's not.

31:16 Drew It's not easy to figure out.

31:17 Adam But but but women get angry at men because they like the Paris Hilton types. And we really don't. these stupid guys like the Paris Hilton.

31:26 Caller OK, well, Matt and I talk about this all the time, because he has a whole list of women that women think are hot and they don't.

31:31 Adam maddest Kathy's husband.

31:32 Caller That's my husband. He thinks that no guy wants to whatever have Julie Roberts.

31:39 Adam No, no, no, no, no, I do. Oh, you do? Yeah, you do. I think she's beautiful.

31:44 Caller Oh, no, no.

31:45 Adam No, there's the guys. OK, let me let me let me let me.

31:48 Caller His theory is that women want to be her, but guys don't want to do her.

31:52 Drew Well, there must be some guys that do.

31:53 Adam No, no, I'll tell you, I'll tell you the guys. OK, here's that person. That's Sarah jessica Parker. Those are the ones that the chicks like, that the guys don't like.

32:01 Caller No, yeah, girls love her.

32:03 Adam I know.

32:05 Caller We all want to be her. Right, but I've never heard a guy like Hubba Hubba for Sarah jessica Parker.

32:09 Adam Right, that's the girl.

32:10 Caller Well, I've heard a lot of gay guys talk about it.

32:12 Adam Well, sure, those are chicks. The point is, is that's a great example of a chick that girls love and think guys should love, but we don't.

32:20 Caller All right, all right, what about this?

32:21 Adam I'll tell you, I'll tell you the two. I'll tell you the two most controversial ones. It is Julia Roberts and Angelina Jolie.

32:28 Caller Oh, no, guys totally want to do Angelina Jolie.

32:30 Adam You wouldn't believe the tards at my office. Talk to the tards at the Kimmel Show.

32:34 Drew They don't like her.

32:35 Adam They don't like her.

32:36 Caller Oh, no, no, no, that's them knowing that they're trying to break the mold and they never have a shot with her, so they're trying to be defensive.

32:42 Adam No, no, she's exotic.

32:45 Drew Guys are the enter, they're out.

32:46 Adam And Angelina Jolie.

32:47 Caller She's like sexy as it comes.

32:49 Adam Listen, she's strikingly beautiful, but so is Julia Roberts. They're of the same mold.

32:54 Caller You're saying guys would rather do Julia Roberts than Angelina Jolie?

32:57 Drew No, no. What about Selma Hayek?

32:59 Adam Oh, for sure. Name doesn't come up that much, but yes.

33:02 Drew She's more in the Angelina Jolie camp.

33:03 Caller Right, but the girls really want to be her too.

33:06 Adam Hi, here's all I'm saying.

33:07 Caller What about Paltrow? No, guys don't think she's hot, right?

33:11 Adam There's nothing wrong with her.

33:13 Caller No, she's beautiful and she's a classic beauty, but I don't think guys think she's like...

33:17 Drew What about Tom Cruise's old wife?

33:18 Adam Well, also...

33:19 Caller Nicole Kidman? No, I think women want to be her. More than guys want to do her. Although I think it's good she's been kind of mixing it up lately. Yeah. You know, going out with Q-tip and stuff.

33:28 Adam Really? Yeah.

33:29 Caller Yeah.

33:30 Adam Here's the thing. We think she's nutty and either we're going to break her or she's going to bite our ding-a-ling off. That's the thing with it.

33:37 Caller That's the options?

33:38 Adam She's going to start preaching about Scientology. It's going to turn out to be a disaster.

33:41 Caller She's not a Scientologist.

33:43 Adam Yeah, but she can still preach. Touche.

33:47 Caller On garden.

33:47 Adam I don't know. She's not a... I thought she was into that.

33:50 Drew Who is the hot list? It's hard to comprehend.

33:52 Adam I will decide who's hot.

33:54 Caller Okay, let me say this though. Guys love to sit around and talk about how chicks aren't that hot. They love to go, yeah, well, I don't think so and so. No, straight guys. I don't think...

34:04 Drew You know, I wouldn't do her.

34:06 Caller But what guy is going to kick Angelina Jolie out of bed that either one of you two know? No, you two, Chris.

34:12 Adam I'm telling you, Kimmel...

34:12 Caller Like any of you even possibly know one guy that would...

34:15 Drew Kimmel's gay.

34:16 Adam Kimmel doesn't?

34:16 Drew Kimmel's gay.

34:17 Adam He's bi, please.

34:18 Drew He buys like cars.

34:19 Adam First off...

34:20 Caller Or at least down low.

34:21 Adam You realize if ABC found out he was gay and not bi, you understand what this could do to his career?

34:26 Drew He's bi, he's bi, you're right.

34:27 Adam No, he doesn't like her. There's many other guys at the office that don't like her.

34:30 Caller Oh, you guys love to act like, oh, I wouldn't do her. Come on.

34:33 Adam I'm not that guy. I'm the guy. Listen, I should get praise from you, you broads and the gays too, and possibly even the lesbians. I'm the one who says Angelina Jolie is a striking beauty and that there's way too much made from Paris Hilton and Tara Reid. Nothing wrong with them, but they're not that hot.

34:50 Caller No, here's how you're going to get praise. You're going to get praise from me for being attracted to Emma Thompson.

34:56 Drew Yeah, she's attractive.

34:57 Caller She's beautiful.

34:58 Drew yes.

34:58 Caller But most guys don't get her at all. Like, you're going to get praise from me for thinking, you know.

35:04 Drew There's attractive and then there's, you're really going on the hot scale you're looking for.

35:07 Adam All right, let's keep moving on. Let's keep moving. Courtney?

35:13 Yeah.

35:14 Adam You're 16?

35:15 Caller Yeah.

35:16 Adam I hear Emma gives up the back door. That's really the only way.

35:21 Drew I'm going to blow my cover.

35:22 Adam Okay.

35:22 Courtney?

35:23 Caller Yeah.

35:24 Adam But she doesn't blow any covers. Courtney, go ahead.

35:28 Caller I was just wondering if breastfeeding, when you have like an STD, could give it to your baby?

35:34 Drew HIV, maybe, but that's about it. Why? What's going on?

35:38 Caller I had chlamydia and I didn't know. I had it for two years. I got a call from my gynecologist, but I never checked up on it. I just-

35:49 Drew So you delivered your child with chlamydia?

35:52 Caller They gave me antibiotics. I like the whole lot of stuff happened. I ran away from home. I went to live with my older boyfriend.

36:01 Drew Just stay focused here for a second. Did you take antibiotics before delivery?

36:05 Adam I ran away from home.

36:07 Caller Yeah, but it's like I didn't know what they were for.

36:10 Drew Okay. Well, they take care of the chlamydia. It's gone. Because if you had chlamydia, hang on. Did you have a cesarean section? No. Okay. If you delivered with chlamydia, you can infect the baby during delivery. That can get a horrible eye infection.

36:24 Adam And if you were black and it was a girl, that would have been a good name.

36:27 Drew Chlamydia? Yeah. So you took the antibiotic, so you're good, Courtney. Relax. It's just a single dose of an antibiotic. All right.

36:34 Adam Now you have yourself a new baby, right?

36:39 Caller And an older boyfriend. How old?

36:42 Caller 26.

36:43 Adam 26. All right. I'm almost never wrong about this. Jew. Am I right?

36:49 Drew You're Jewish, Courtney?

36:50 Adam No.

36:50 Drew He is. He is, though.

36:51 Adam He is, right? He's Jewish?

36:55 Drew No.

36:56 Adam I'm shocking. He's 26. You're 16.

37:00 Drew He's a criminal.

37:01 Adam You're cranked out a kid.

37:02 Drew You a Mormon?

37:04 Caller No, I'm not a Mormon. I'm not anything.

37:06 Adam What's the plan now? You're out of school. You're taking care of your kid. I hope it's a girl.

37:12 Caller No, it's a boy.

37:12 Adam Oh, violent criminal instead of stripper. I go to school for girls.

37:18 Caller Those are the two choices?

37:19 Drew That's how they turn out.

37:20 Adam Girls, like, all right. There's plenty of room on the stripper poll for another one. Hop on. I'll be looking forward to that. I'm going to go ahead and circle my calendar for 2022 when I can see her at a local strip club. But the guy's like, I'm going to get stabbed at the ATM.

37:38 Drew I was listening to an election night by psychiatry who was talking about how all the personality disorders are represented on the cast of Star Trek. And the Klingons. Hang on a second. The Klingons. Hang on a second. Oh, jesus Christ. What do you do? Relax. The Klingons are the borderlines and the antisocials. The male Klingons are all these aggressive, violent, manipulative, evil people. And the female borderlines are all seductresses. The female version of seductresses are going to come on. So they all have horrible parents. these kinds of persons. Right, exactly.

38:09 Adam Courtney?

38:10 Drew Yeah?

38:11 Adam does your child have what looks like a spine going down its forehead?

38:15 Drew No.

38:16 Caller Pointed ears?

38:17 Adam Elephant's trunk.

38:18 Drew Looks like an elephant's trunk.

38:20 Caller Actually, I had one more question. And I thought maybe you guys might...

38:23 Adam Pull up a Klingon, would you, Chris?

38:25 Drew What's that, Courtney? Hold on.

38:26 Adam He's reaching into his underpants.

38:28 Drew Use a computer, by the way. A web. All right.

38:30 Adam Go ahead, Courtney.

38:30 Caller Internet. I was just wondering, because I don't really understand the guy mentality. I don't know if this is just with every guy. After I had him, my boyfriend was okay. Now he's sort of like telling me this isn't what he wanted and that he's basically, he told me he was doing me a favor.

38:49 Drew Men do not want babies. Make no mistake about that.

38:53 Adam Well, they don't want 16-year-old girlfriends with babies.

38:55 Drew They don't want babies until they're completely set in life to handle a family. They have no craving for a baby. They have no desire for a baby. They have no interest in a baby.

39:03 Adam unless they want to eat them. Courtney?

39:06 Yeah?

39:07 Adam Here's your plan. Because if I would have got you a year ago, we would have been all right, but now it's time for plan B.

39:14 Caller Well, why does she have to stay with the guy? Because I'm sure she's convinced that he can't live without him.

39:19 Caller Yeah? Actually, I left him yesterday and he called me today.

39:24 Caller Oh, as long as he calls.

39:25 Drew It's good and not good. I mean, how do you advise her to keep the dad around?

39:29 Adam Look, the guy's 26, she's 16, I agree he's a criminal. I'm sure he's a world class a-hole. You'd probably be better off without him. Here's what you have to do. No more kids for at least nine weeks. And no more guys, no more kids, and focus every day on not effing up this kid. Can you do that?

39:50 Drew And get on long-term contraceptives. I was reading this study just came out that showed a marked reduction in gynecologic malignancies in women that take long-term birth control pills. Fast reduction of ovarian cancer, uterine cancer. So now there are clear evidence of long-term health benefits from staying on the goddamn pill. Get on the pill.

40:09 Adam Thank you. Thank you. All right. Kathy Griffin, dear, dear, dear, dear friend, allegedly. Name of the DVD out as we speak. It's too bad it's not out on VHS tape. Otherwise, the carolers could enjoy it. But Drew, would you don't...

40:21 Drew Sorry.

40:22 Adam All right. Go ahead.

40:23 Drew Let's follow the dear friend with the name of the DVD.

40:26 Adam Let's take a break. All right. Be right back after this. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, who's occasionally right. Phone number, 1-800-LLV-E-191, Kathy Griffin. Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear friend, Kathy Griffin, in studio tonight. Looking beautiful as ever. For the cover of her DVD, allegedly, which is out, and the gays love it, the lesbians agree, smashing.

41:22 Caller Oh, I'm still trying to get the lesbians in my corner.

41:24 Adam Oh, really?

41:25 Caller Yeah, they're a tougher crowd. Really? They're a tougher crowd, yeah. And they run this town, so don't be fooled.

41:29 Drew They what?

41:30 Caller They run this town.

41:31 Drew Oh, of course.

41:31 Adam The lesbians. I'll tell you how to get the lesbians. Oh, how do you get the lesbians on board?

41:37 Caller Political? A lot of them have a pretty strict political agenda.

41:40 Drew But not like the greatest sense of humor is typically.

41:42 Adam Ooh, yeah, they're angry. That's right. How about you drive one of those Subaru foresters? They like those.

41:48 Caller Well, you know, you gotta meet your lesbians at the dog park.

41:51 lesbians love their dogs.

41:52 Adam Oh, they love dogs. They love dogs.

41:53 Caller Oh, God, they breed them, they take care of them, they groom them.

41:56 Adam Well, first off, all angry people love dogs.

41:58 Caller You want a lesbian looking after your dogs.

41:59 Adam Oh, yeah.

42:00 Caller You do. If you're taking the dogs to the vet, you have to have a lesbian vet.

42:04 Adam Yeah.

42:05 Caller You know, grooming, dog walking.

42:07 Adam You want to find a lesbian, here's what you look for. You look for the Subaru Outback Wagon with that mesh grid that's on the back seat that protects the dogs.

42:15 Caller Then you know you got yourself a good quality lesbian.

42:17 Adam That's the lesbo Mobile right there. That's right.

42:20 Drew This reminded me of something. Tonight I saw an episode of Trading spouses that I thought, Adam, you would have loved this. There was a hippie father who wouldn't let his kids wear shoes, took them out for yoga and Tai Chi every day. these kids were like robots. They brought in, they traded out the mom who was this completely squashed woman by this dad. He was advocating about how the chinese raise their kids and all this BS. They bring in a huge, wonderful African American woman who goes...

42:48 Adam Oh, forget about her.

42:48 Drew Who goes...

42:49 Adam They're cooking with a lard immediately.

42:51 Drew First of all, she goes, What is going on here? these boys need a chance to breathe. What's going on here? He goes, My boys never get orders. She goes, That's fine. I'm not ordering out. I'm ordering you to let go. Nobody gives me order. This huge preposterous...

43:05 Caller Hate hippie.

43:05 Drew Hate them hippies. This incredible narcissist.

43:07 Caller I guarantee you he thinks he's pro-woman.

43:09 Drew The narcissism was so profound and so rigid. It was amazing to watch it kind of come out. This woman going, Hey, I'm not worried about you. We don't care about you. We got to save these boys.

43:17 Caller Right.

43:18 Drew And he just, I have an Oprah question.

43:23 Caller Let me just say it's all happening on Oprah this year. I know your friend Jimmy has a little dog and pony show that he tries to secretly love. But let me tell you, it is all happening. That's how I found out that all guys get BJs from guys. Oprah on the down low episode.

43:37 Drew All guys.

43:38 Caller All guys get BJs from other guys. All guys are on the down low.

43:42 Drew Hold on.

43:42 Adam Let me ask Chris what he thinks. Chris, what do you think of that? He's under the console. He's behind the board, buddy. Enough with the BJ. We'll finish during the commercial.

43:52 Caller And then they're talking about the toss salads, the whole thing. But now Oprah is on this new kick where she's getting couples to allow, like hidden cameras to be around the clock in the home. And apparently this is epidemic. I want to ask you if it's true because it's so horrifying, Oprah saying that it's like the best kept secret in married life, that husbands are like harshly, harshly verbally abusing their wives and they have tapes and tapes of these couples where the guy is just degrading the woman and you stupid bitch.

44:22 Adam Let's bring our tape from the Dr. Drew household and hear the abuse that the verbal licking that Drew takes on a nightly basis. Believe you me, a nightly basis. A verbal licking.

44:35 Caller So then you'd be the one sitting on Oprah kind of shaking while your wife just like, she raises her hand and you flinch a little bit.

44:41 Adam Yeah, I start to cry. Yeah.

44:43 Drew Go to ball, suck my thumb.

44:45 Caller So is this really that prevalent?

44:48 Drew aggression in the home is very common right now. Wow. But it's not just men or women. It's mutual aggression. Right. And on the kids.

44:55 Caller Now what happens when a relationship gets to that point? Is it over? I mean, I-

44:59 Drew No, listen, this is sort of endemic.

45:01 Caller Oh, I don't mean, can it go on? Obviously these couples stay together, but I'm thinking if you're married to somebody and they're calling you like stupid bitch.

45:07 Drew You know what my therapy friends-

45:08 Caller That's pretty irreparable.

45:09 Drew My therapist friends tell me is that the main focus of their interventions are trying to get couples to play fair, which means not to abuse and not to degrade, just to trade turns and play fair. That's it, that's the whole thing. And because things are so primitive in households these days, if they get that far, things improve.

45:28 Adam In any relationship, there has to be a healthy amount of give and take. Now shut up, we're going to do a little Germany or Florida.

45:35 Caller And then we'll go back to Oprah?

45:36 Adam yes. Dan? Yeah? You're 18, time to play Germany or Florida. As everyone knows, all bizarre stories emanate from either Germany or Florida. You give us a bizarre story and we tell you. Is it Germany or Florida? Go ahead, Dan.

45:50 Caller All right, a couple of under arrest after notifying police Thursday that a quarter pound patch of marijuana was stolen and that they needed to weed back because they're going to later sell it.

46:00 Adam Okay, hold on, hold on.

46:02 Drew You gotta speak English. One of the rules is Germany or Florida again.

46:04 Adam A couple was under arrest?

46:07 Caller yes, was taken under arrest after notifying police that their quarter pound patch of marijuana was stolen and they needed to weed back because they're going to sell it.

46:16 Adam I see. All right. So they had their marijuana stolen. They called the cops to say it was stolen.

46:23 Drew And- This is a Dutch couple in Germany.

46:26 Adam Oh, confused.

46:27 Caller Yeah, edgy. I like it.

46:30 Adam Yeah, like a 40 year old Hawaiian in California who doesn't know it's okay to turn 14 year old or turn right. All right. We're going. So we're going Germany.

46:41 Drew Yeah.

46:41 Adam Kathy.

46:42 Caller I'm always wrong about this. I mean, it sounds like Germany, too.

46:45 Drew Okay.

46:46 Caller All right.

46:46 Adam We're all going Germany again.

46:49 Caller Sorry, guys. It's Florida.

46:52 Drew Tell me it was a visiting couple. Was it Floridian?

46:56 Caller Yeah.

46:57 Drew Oh, well, Dan, good.

46:58 Adam All right, Dan.

46:59 Drew Well done.

47:00 Adam For that, we send you out nothing. But thanks for calling.

47:03 Caller He doesn't get a trucker cap or?

47:05 Adam We don't have anything on the show.

47:06 Drew With Dexacard.

47:08 Adam It was a big deal when I wanted a pen. Drew, seriously, do you remember the coffee?

47:14 Caller Oh, OK, stop it. You guys already talked about this when I was on the show. You've got to get over the coffee crisis.

47:19 Adam No, I'm not done.

47:22 Drew We will expose Kathy into the Ranchero Countdown. She's never played Ranchero Countdown.

47:26 Adam Oh, wow, this is going to be huge. Kathy Griffin, dear, dear friend, in studio. Allegedly, name of the DVD. We'll be right back after this.

47:34 Caller All right, guys, here's the deal.

47:36 You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:39 Caller One call is all you need to make.

48:16 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Who? Dr. Drew! Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Kathy Griffin. Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear friend Kathy Griffin, and tonight, allegedly, name of the DVD, yes, Drew.

48:29 Drew Kathy, Adam and I will talk to each other, we'll call each other when we're driving into your party. For Toys for ties.

48:34 Caller I'm gonna be honest, I'm a little traumatized right now. Because you guys just revealed something to me that just blew my mind.

48:41 Adam Kathy wanted to know why we go to the bathroom.

48:44 Caller Because I said Kevin and Bean don't even go to the bathroom. Lightning and Kevin don't go to the bathroom together, they don't talk about it, they don't look forward to it the way you guys do.

48:54 Adam We do.

48:54 Caller So that's suspicious, so you go to the bathroom together constantly. And then I find out, after doing the show for two hours for a million years, you guys talk on the phone to each other in the separate cars.

49:07 Drew Separate cars.

49:08 Caller Well, do you discuss the show?

49:10 Adam We try to hash out the beats for the following show.

49:13 Caller No, you don't. Really, you're so professional and so prepared that you go over your outlines and your research and your notes. Oh, I wish I'd been more sensitive with Samantha.

49:24 Adam Yeah, well, we actually listen to tapes of the show and review them with the program.

49:28 Drew Criticize each other. Well, Adam criticized me.

49:31 Caller What was the conversation last night? In the car, in the car.

49:33 Drew So much mom.

49:34 Adam No, always. No, well, I do a lot of-

49:37 Caller Are you kind of his therapist?

49:38 Adam I do a lot of complaining.

49:39 Drew No, no, no. But I actually asked you about something. I remember interrupting you.

49:42 Who's more of a listener?

49:43 Adam We were talking about people's inability to sort things out in a garage. Yeah, that's where we started. That was one of our big conversations. Drew, lately-

49:53 Drew People that help us. Garage sorting?

49:54 Adam People that help us. Drew lately has been floating a theory on fetishes that he has been mad about.

50:00 Drew Well, that sounds interesting.

50:02 Adam Yeah, no, I do the line, share the complaining, but then Drew gets going on occasion too. It's mostly sort of mutual bitching and complaining. yes.

50:12 Drew But it's really-

50:12 Caller Adam, what do you bring to the table? Because it seems like-

50:14 Drew He gets me complaining.

50:16 Adam Oh, I'm provocative. I'm fascinating. I'm riveting. And here's the thing, nobody else is up at midnight. Right. So the ride home is very lonely. And both of us, I think, are used to talking on the phone when we're driving in the car. So it just sort of leaves each other.

50:31 Caller No, are you doing it? Please tell me you're at least doing the hands-free kit.

50:34 Adam No.

50:34 Drew yes, I do.

50:35 Caller You're holding the phone the whole time?

50:37 Adam I would only drive with one hand even if I wasn't holding a phone. I'm not big into the weight.

50:42 Drew I don't like the neck thing, so I just wear the... I went with the Bluetooth phones.

50:46 Adam Ooh.

50:46 Drew Yeah.

50:47 Caller Maybe you guys can rehash that for a half hour.

50:49 Drew We'll talk about it. After you finish talking about you.

50:51 Adam We will talk about you. Yeah, we'll talk about you.

50:53 Drew We talk about the guest invariably.

50:56 Adam Yeah, that's probably what we talked about.

50:57 Caller I don't like that at all.

50:59 Adam Yeah, we talked about whether we want to have sex on the guest.

51:00 Caller What am I going to talk to you guys about?

51:02 Adam Yeah. Do we have, is the guest hot? Do we like her? It's always like, oh, I know that type. We dated her in high school.

51:11 Caller Speaking of high school.

51:13 Adam Yeah, we gossip.

51:14 Caller You know you guys are 40, right?

51:16 Adam We're the ladies at lunch.

51:17 Caller Do you know that?

51:18 Drew How dare you? What are you talking about?

51:19 Caller Has anyone told you? No. You're not sophomores?

51:21 Caller You don't seem like teenagers.

51:24 Your voices are like old.

51:28 Caller That's my favorite drama.

51:29 Caller That's right.

51:30 Adam I seem like a teenager because I say bunghole.

51:34 All right.

51:35 Adam Well, Kathy, look, you can't drive a wedge between our love. We love each other. That's all.

51:40 Drew We will talk about you tonight. Don't worry. Don't worry.

51:41 Adam Yeah.

51:41 Drew But it'll be about our love for you, though. Well, I can tell you.

51:44 Caller I hope I come out OK in the wash.

51:45 Drew You got nothing to worry about.

51:46 Adam No.

51:46 Caller Well, I got to call somebody. I'm going to call Margaret Cho and talk about you.

51:50 Adam Oh, she's not going to be at your party, is she?

51:54 Caller No, she's actually in London.

51:55 Adam Oh, good. OK, we'll be good.

51:57 Caller Adam, that's hurtful.

51:59 Adam Last time I saw her at your party, she was in step number nine of her sobriety, and she had to pull me aside and get into it with me about doing things that she was ashamed of. And it brought me down.

52:09 Caller That is my dream conversation at the party.

52:11 Adam Yeah, it's a bummer. We haven't talked about this in a while, but the people who are sober out there at a certain stage, they get to that point where they make amends. And I have gotten the phone call. I've got it in person. I've gotten the phone call too. And it's always that same thing. It's like, yeah, Adam, yeah, this is John. What's up, buddy? Haven't talked to you in a few months. Yeah. Just do me a favor and listen for a minute. Oh, boy. Listen, I'm ashamed of a few. And I was trying to wave it off. No, no, no, no, no. This might look like a couple of beers, whatever.

52:41 Caller No, couple of beers.

52:43 Adam Here's where the trouble here's where it's coming. It's not all right. That's right. You're screwed.

52:49 Caller Well, can I tell you my version of this?

52:51 Adam yes, please.

52:52 Caller Kathy, it's me, Jonathan. There's something I need to tell you that I've never told you. And I haven't been honest. The reason that I am not married at this time, just to hear me out is, remember when we went to see les Mis that night? And there was that blonde, gorgeous, gorgeous boy. Anyway, he wasn't just a friend. Are you okay with this? Should I keep going? And literally I'm doing my nails. Uh-huh. Oh, no. Really? Oh, wow. I guess you never know.

53:31 Adam Just the fact that he has your phone number makes him gay. If he had just, if you have more than five digits of Kathy's phone number, you're gay. Oh, oh, you're running a cabaret with three, you're bi, any three, by the way. They don't have to be in order.

53:47 Caller Oh my gosh.

53:48 Adam Absolutely. Yeah. All right. Well, let's just hope I'm not cornered by anyone who's on step number nine and needs to get something off their chest. And listen, it's anybody who's out there who is. I'm cool.

53:59 Drew It's OK. Whatever it is.

54:00 Adam Water under the bridge. We're fine.

54:02 Caller Now, since you are going to attend My Christmas Party on Thursday, what do you look considering you've come all these years, what are you looking forward to? What do you anticipate to be the highlights?

54:11 Adam Here's what I'm hoping for. I'm hoping I know there's going to be a lot of reality show people there. There always is. I'm hoping that it's an upper echelon group of reality show.

54:22 Drew What does that mean?

54:23 Adam I'm looking for some survivors.

54:25 Caller You want network people. You don't want anybody from Manhunt.

54:28 Adam No, I don't want to be surrounded by the Aussie guys from Manhunt.

54:33 Caller You don't want Outback Jack.

54:35 Drew No, I don't want that. I spent time with Sharon.

54:37 Adam Although I have tried.

54:38 Drew I enjoyed seeing Sharon.

54:39 Caller She is lovely.

54:39 Drew Is she coming? Yeah.

54:40 Caller No, she's in London.

54:41 Adam I also like your parents.

54:43 Caller Well, they're always a good time.

54:44 Drew And her food, your mom's food.

54:45 Caller Yeah, the meatball's fine.

54:46 Adam I'm going to need more booze this year.

54:49 Caller We have so much booze, I promise.

54:51 Adam That's right, but you got to spread it out.

54:52 Caller Okay. Well, listen, we have a martini bar that the some, what's in a martini vodka? So the vodka company is providing, or they're providing like a whole martini bar. Then we have just tons of, is vodka and Red Bull a drink?

55:07 Adam Yeah.

55:07 Caller Okay, so they have that.

55:08 Adam It is for Drew's wife.

55:09 Caller And then, and then we honestly, we have so much booze, I promise.

55:13 Adam Okay, here's what I'm going to need you to do. I'm going to need a bottle of Old Crow in the tank of the toilet of the second floor bathroom. I want you to stash booze for me because I don't want to get in line and get in line, get in line.

55:27 Caller No, no, but then I always have the tubs of just the beer cans.

55:30 Adam Okay.

55:30 Caller So you can just reach in the tub, not have to deal with the gay bartender.

55:33 Adam I just need something hard in the tank of a bathroom that we designate that I can get to.

55:37 Caller Just bourbon.

55:38 Adam That's all I'm saying. Yeah, I can't wait.

55:40 Drew All right.

55:41 Adam All right, so any other, you got any other B or C list celebrities there?

55:45 Caller Yeah, I have a lot of good people coming.

55:46 Drew Okay. All right.

55:47 Adam And food?

55:48 Caller Excellent food.

55:49 Drew It's for mom's food.

55:50 Caller It's actually my mother-in-law's. So my mother-in-law, yeah. My mom does the IKEA meatballs like nobody. And she kind of does something special to the sauce. But my mother-in-law is actually cooking as we speak from scratch. So the food will be stellar. Not like crappy catered, like mass produced, really good homemade, delicious food.

56:05 Adam Good.

56:05 Caller And you know that the marines come because it's for Toys for Tots.

56:07 Adam That's right.

56:08 Caller So there are hot marines.

56:10 Adam Yeah, that's why I'm coming early.

56:11 Caller Kathy, there's something I need to tell you. Remember at your party when I talked to one of the marines? His name is Private Joseph. And that night, I asked and I told.

56:25 Adam Let me say this too, just reminded me with the Swedish meatball. That's something we could eat a little more of. Always enjoy them, never eat them.

56:32 Drew They went away in the 70s.

56:33 Caller They're fantastic, nice on a soft roll with some honey mustard. Mmm, exactly.

56:38 Adam Sarah?

56:40 yes?

56:40 Adam You're 24.

56:42 Caller yes.

56:43 Adam What's up?

56:45 Caller I am, I just started taking the, using the Nuvo Ring. And um.

56:51 Caller I'm sorry, what is that?

56:52 Drew It's a Nuvo Ring you insert it in once a month.

56:54 Caller Yeah.

56:55 Caller Like an IUD?

56:57 Drew No, but it's like a, it's no.

56:58 Caller Hi, Kathy, I love you.

56:59 Caller Hi, thank you. You'll have to educate me. A Nuvo Ring, like the word Nuvo.

57:03 Caller Nuvo Ring is this ring that you put in you for birth control.

57:06 Drew It releases hormones slowly over a month, three weeks.

57:09 Caller And my doctor told me not to take it out, just to take it out once a month and then replace it and not have my period.

57:16 Drew That's it.

57:16 Caller And so I did that, but like, um, my breasts are huge and very swollen and it's painful to sleep. And one, I want to know.

57:27 Caller Adam, that's not empathy.

57:30 Caller I want to want to know, is it all right not to have your period?

57:33 Drew And yes, it's a way, way, way. Sarah, why would your doctor recommended that if it wasn't okay?

57:38 Caller Well, I don't know. It just seems kind of weird to me that you don't have to have a period.

57:43 Drew There's nothing about your period that has to happen. It does not have to happen. In fact, more and more doctors recommend at least four or six months or many times 12 months of uncycled oral contraceptives.

57:53 Caller I would love to not have my period.

57:55 Drew But doctors take it continuously and the fact is that it never builds up.

58:00 Caller Okay.

58:01 Drew Okay.

58:02 Caller But in the animated film that they showed us, there's a little wall in their universe. It builds up.

58:06 Drew It doesn't have to come off. It just stays in a steady state.

58:09 Adam Well, let's talk about this for a second. I don't put Sarah on hold because I was listening, you know, by the way, is there anybody decent on weekend talk radio anywhere in these United states? It's always some blowhard talking about your financial future and it's unlistenable or it's just some idiots talking about some vitamins that are going to cure everything. And I heard some idiots talking the same thing with the, you know, somebody called in complaining about the birth control pill and it's like, oh, it depletes your body of this. When are we going to get to the bottom of this?

58:38 Drew The fact is, it is, there's some excellent studies coming out that show reduced incidence of cancer, ovarian, uterine cancer. It's already been proven that there's less STD, less tubal infections, less complications of tubal infections when women get them. At this point, it appears only health benefits of being on the oral contraceptive pill.

58:58 Caller I don't like being on the pill. I feel like I gained five pounds.

59:00 Drew That's right. If you gain weight, she or her breasts are tender from the estrogen effect, so she may need to talk to a doctor about adjusting the kind of hormone she's on. Many women, if they're on a very low-dose pill or high doses of progesterone, they can get depressed, they can get vaginal dryness, they can get their libido shut down. So you need to find the right combo to control your sort of subjective symptoms, but the fact is pregnancy is a life-threatening sexually transmitted disease, and it's something that needs to be protected against. That has far more risks than the contraceptive hormones.

59:32 Adam I think people feel like in case…

59:34 Caller So are you saying if her breasts are sore, then she shouldn't be on it?

59:36 Drew Not necessarily. Just for her comfort, she should adjust the dose of estrogen. For her comfort, it doesn't mean anything bad's happening.

59:41 Adam I think there's a feeling that if you control the period and control the estrogen level, you're sort of playing God, you're tampering with something and there's going to be long-term effects. You're going to have to pay the fiddler at some point. No free lunches in nature, you say, Drew.

59:55 Drew No free lunches when it comes to euphoria, when it comes to feeling good.

59:59 Adam Right.

59:59 Drew But when it comes to these sorts of, you know, cycling issues when you suppress the cycles, I mean, it doesn't seem to do anything.

1:00:05 Adam All right. Sarah? yes? All right. Have your breasts grown?

1:00:12 Caller yes. They've grown probably like a whole cup.

1:00:15 Adam What are they now?

1:00:15 Caller I don't know if that's going to go away. They were probably like a medium B cup.

1:00:21 Adam All right. We don't need to talk.

1:00:23 Drew She's a full C now.

1:00:26 Caller Maybe we should talk about her on the way home.

1:00:28 Adam No.

1:00:29 Drew We'll forget about that.

1:00:29 Adam We'll be talking about you.

1:00:30 Drew Yeah. But, Sarah, that's from the estrogen effects of the pill. And again, you need to talk to your doctor. The size thing will not go away. The tenderness might get better. But you need to talk to your doctor about it.

1:00:41 Adam I say we play a little Ace's Mexican Ranchero recording. Oh, wait. Okay.

1:00:45 Caller So what is this?

1:00:46 Adam Oh, this is a huge, huge game. You live here in the Southland, yes?

1:00:50 Caller yes, I do.

1:00:51 Adam And anyone who's lived in the Southland has heard the delightful ranchero music.

1:00:56 Drew Well, and of course it was wherever you went when you were in Afghanistan. Wherever you went.

1:01:01 Caller Right.

1:01:02 Drew Nothing says ranchero like Afghanistan.

1:01:04 Adam Drew, you're confusing. No, see? Please, Drew, be quiet. By the way, Kathy just voiced with the entire audience says when you talk. So please, quiet down.

1:01:12 Caller Don't leave me turn on Drew.

1:01:13 Adam But when you drive around through Los angeles, you hear this ranchero music blazing from blaring from lunch trucks, construction sites. It's a wonderful music. It is accordion driven and so much so that not more than a few moments ever go by without hearing the accordion in ranchero music. We take a random ranchero song. Engineer Chris punches it up in a random part of a random song. And we try to figure out how long before we hear that accordion.

1:01:39 Drew And not that horrible crappy song, that one I hate.

1:01:41 Adam You cannot play God when it comes to ranchero music.

1:01:45 Caller So during the song you're supposed to say now if you hear an accordion?

1:01:48 Drew No, no, no.

1:01:49 Adam You will make your guess now.

1:01:50 Drew How much time goes by the moment he randomly turns the song on until you hear an accordion.

1:01:54 Caller Well, don't you want to be safe and say no time?

1:01:57 Adam Perfect.

1:01:57 Drew Perfectly good bet. That's an excellent bet. All right.

1:01:59 Adam That's immediate. Drew?

1:02:00 Drew Eight.

1:02:01 Adam Eight seconds.

1:02:02 Drew Eight seconds.

1:02:02 Adam Lifetime. I'm going to go...

1:02:05 Drew Split the difference.

1:02:07 Adam I know. I'm going five. I'm going five.

1:02:09 Drew Just to be obnoxious.

1:02:09 Caller All right.

1:02:10 Adam Are you ready, Chris? Three, two...

1:02:13 Drew No, no, no, no, no.

1:02:13 Caller All right.

1:02:14 Adam Okay. All right.

1:02:15 Caller Three...

1:02:35 Adam Your ear will become a tune. No, that's the horns.

1:02:39 Drew Hear it back on the background? There it is.

1:02:41 Caller There it is.

1:02:42 Adam Yeah, that's the trumpet's there. There it is.

1:02:47 Drew I mean, come on, he's rocking.

1:02:48 Adam That was really, I went five, it's about five and a half seconds. You know, you know what he's singing here?

1:02:56 Drew About killing himself?

1:02:57 Adam Yeah, he laments that he can't stop playing the accordion.

1:03:00 Drew Oh, no, he's going to kill the accordion guy.

1:03:02 Adam Oh, yes, he sings, he sings, he apologizes to the audience for the horrible music that they cramp out. He says only Marc Anthony can make crap this badly. And swears he's going to kill the accordion player and then himself before he gets home and his family. Yeah, oh, and the trumpet guys too.

1:03:17 Drew Oh, yeah, good.

1:03:18 Adam All right. Here we go.

1:03:19 Drew What?

1:03:20 Adam That's how you play.

1:03:20 Caller This picture's a little serious.

1:03:22 Adam Yeah, I don't know how that works.

1:03:23 Caller Why is, wait, wait, why is there an eight by 10 of Dr. Drew Pinsky and Adam Carolla color?

1:03:28 Drew It's for you. Must be for you.

1:03:30 Adam I don't know what that is.

1:03:31 Caller Oh, you know what? Why is it here?

1:03:32 Adam Give me one of those. I gotta send one of those to somebody.

1:03:34 Caller Who?

1:03:35 Adam I went to some fireplace store in the Valley and the guy wanted my picture and I didn't have one.

1:03:41 Caller Don't you love when people ask you as if you carry them around with you? Do you want to picture yourself?

1:03:45 Adam No, I don't. It was funny though, there were a few celebrities on the wall who did tote the picture with them.

1:03:51 Caller No, they sent it in.

1:03:53 Adam No, no. He said some people send it to us but others have it in their car. I can't remember.

1:03:59 Caller All right.

1:03:59 Caller Bonaducey?

1:04:00 Adam Yeah.

1:04:01 Caller Okay.

1:04:02 Adam No, I have no idea.

1:04:05 Drew All right.

1:04:05 Adam You ready?

1:04:05 Drew Here we go.

1:04:06 Adam All right. Kendra?

1:04:08 yes?

1:04:09 Adam You're 18?

1:04:10 Caller Yeah.

1:04:11 Adam What's up, baby doll?

1:04:12 Caller Okay. Well, okay. It's kind of weird. So me and my boyfriend, we've been together for a while and everything, and we're doing the sex thing, right? And I just recently, well, not recently, but for the past two months, I've been on the pill. So he started like doing his stuff inside, right?

1:04:28 Caller Right.

1:04:29 Drew Finishing school, yeah.

1:04:32 Adam Doing his stuff inside.

1:04:34 Caller I'm trying to think of the best way to put it. Okay. But now, like, we'll just be, you know, casually lying in bed after sex, you know, pillow talk. And it, like, stuff comes out.

1:04:45 Adam It's called torture for him.

1:04:46 Drew He's snoring.

1:04:47 Adam He's done his thing.

1:04:49 Caller What did he do inside? Hold on. I'm confused.

1:04:51 Adam He's filled her Twinkie with his creamy filling.

1:04:53 Caller Oh, I thought he, like, did something else.

1:04:55 Drew No, no, no, no.

1:04:57 Adam Come on, Kathy.

1:04:57 Drew So you're there, lying in bed together. And what happens?

1:04:59 Caller It's a question. It comes out. I don't know. It's not me because, you know.

1:05:05 Drew Kendra, Kendra. yes, it does. It comes out. That's right.

1:05:08 Adam Yeah.

1:05:09 Drew That's normal.

1:05:09 Caller I don't know what it is. Like, I'll get up off the bed. Kendra, Kendra, Kendra.

1:05:13 Drew It comes out. That's right.

1:05:15 Caller That's filthy man.

1:05:16 Drew It doesn't all stay in. It comes out.

1:05:18 Caller It's supposed to come out.

1:05:19 Drew It's supposed to come out.

1:05:21 Caller Why?

1:05:21 Adam Well, what do you think? You got a shop? You got a shop vac down there? What's going on? You got wet dry vac? You know, I got I spilled something in the kitchen. Come here. Bring your vagina. Now, here you go. Get that oatmeal right up. Better than having a dog.

1:05:35 Drew I'm dying to hear what her questions are. What she's thinking about this.

1:05:38 Adam What a genius. Oh, the Kendra is a hot name.

1:05:40 Caller Kendra on the pill or what?

1:05:41 Drew What's that? Kendra, it will always come out of you. That is normal.

1:05:45 Adam Yeah.

1:05:45 Caller That's normal. Hey, she just asked if it's because she's on the pill.

1:05:48 Drew No, what do you think? Do you think the sperm is running away? There's still millions of sperm. Kendra, still millions and millions of sperm out of Zoa left behind. Yeah. Millions. Mother nature is taking care of this. Don't worry. Lots of fluid will come out. yes. When you stand up, lots of stuff comes out. Yeah. You don't have to keep it in there to get pregnant.

1:06:08 Adam That's why you need the gravity boots.

1:06:10 Caller Oh, that's disgusting. Okay.

1:06:12 Adam Eventually, you just go to bed.

1:06:13 Caller Guys are gross. Yeah. That's the bottom line.

1:06:15 Adam Well, what's the disgusting part? The part where...

1:06:18 Caller Dr. Loveline.

1:06:18 Caller Oh, that's gross.

1:06:20 Adam The part where it comes back out?

1:06:21 Caller yes. You're lying there and his dirty man juice just oozes out of you.

1:06:25 Adam I would be grossed out if it didn't come out. You know what I mean? I hiccuped and tasted it like an hour later. Yeah, no, I'm just saying, Drew, what goes in you that's gross that you don't want to come out?

1:06:37 Drew Oh, yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

1:06:38 Adam I don't care if it's a shard of metal or a Slim Jim. You want it out of there. yes?

1:06:45 Drew yes.

1:06:47 Adam Kathy.

1:06:47 Caller You know, that's so typical. You guys are bulls**t. What happened?

1:06:54 Adam You used the S word.

1:06:55 Caller Well, you guys have been saying God damn it all night.

1:06:57 Drew Yeah, you're quiet. But shh, quiet, honey.

1:07:01 Adam How often do you hear the S word on radio?

1:07:03 Caller I didn't think you could say God damn it.

1:07:05 Adam Well, now you can. No, you can't.

1:07:08 Caller All right. You can fix it in post.

1:07:10 Adam I was one of the earlier pioneers at God damn it, by the way. Thank you.

1:07:14 Caller Well, you guys don't ever have anything ooze out when you're laying there trying to sleep.

1:07:19 Adam Yeah. Well, yeah.

1:07:20 Caller That's because you guys, you know, it's kind of gross when you're laying there and then stuff just oozes out.

1:07:24 Adam No, look, I appreciate that. I'm just, I'm surprised at the part where she's surprised by it.

1:07:29 Caller I hope something oozes out of your penis tonight. I really do, something.

1:07:33 Adam rest assured it will. I'll be thinking, I'll be thinking of you, too.

1:07:37 Caller Every night?

1:07:38 Adam No, sometimes twice a night.

1:07:40 Caller Twice a night? You're jerking off?

1:07:42 Adam No, how dare you?

1:07:44 Caller sometimes.

1:07:45 Caller During the day, too?

1:07:46 Adam No, I mean, unless, if there's no one in the bathroom over at Kimmel, you do what you gotta do.

1:07:51 Caller Oh, God, in the work bathroom?

1:07:53 Adam Hey, listen, when you have, you don't know it's like you have writer's block.

1:07:57 Caller So, what do you have to do, be real quiet so nobody hears you?

1:08:00 Adam No, people know my thing.

1:08:02 Caller They know your sound?

1:08:04 Adam They know what Corolla's got writer's block.

1:08:05 Drew I don't think Kathy heard the story about Jimmy leaving you a president.

1:08:09 Caller What?

1:08:11 Drew Come on, out with it.

1:08:13 Adam Wow, I'm traumatized by this.

1:08:15 Drew You were.

1:08:15 Adam It's funny, I was thinking about it earlier today.

1:08:18 Caller No, this is disgusting.

1:08:19 Drew Wait, wait, you haven't heard it yet.

1:08:20 Caller Did he leave you his poo?

1:08:22 Adam No, no, no, no, no. That would have been considered a small victory.

1:08:26 Drew yes, you would have forgotten about that. We wouldn't be discussing that. Go ahead.

1:08:31 Adam Jimmy and I were, okay, many years ago, K-Rock sent the morning.

1:08:37 Drew Jimmy worked for K-Rock for those who were in the country.

1:08:39 Adam yes, sent the morning crew and me up to Seattle because UCLA was in the final four. Of course, being K-Rock, the world's cheapest station and radio in general, we stayed at a hotel that was probably about 40 miles out of town and was a motor lodge. It's the kind of thing where you get in a room, it was motel, you get in a room and you see headlights from the car pulling up. The guy doesn't set his emergency brake, you're going to be crushed in your crappy semen soaked bed watching your pay-per-view. It's like shared a parking lot with a 7-Eleven, there's no division between it.

1:09:15 Caller It was a horrible hotel. What did he leave you?

1:09:19 Adam We had to stay, Jimmy and I had to sleep in the same bed together because obviously they wouldn't spring for another $18 a night room. He didn't jerk off next to you. We would have to get up at like 4.30 in the morning to make the hour-long drive into Seattle, do the show. So we'd hang out at a strip club until 1.30 and then go to bed at 2 and then get up at 4. He would hit the shower and I would hit the shower behind him after he was out. Unfortunately, being a crappy motel, the tub didn't drain very well. So the shower was mid-shin height. About 12, 13 inches off the top of the tub and I stepped in there. Obviously taking an hour to drain and have time away for his drain. So after Jimmy stepped out, tallied off, I stepped in and started the shower. And I was about halfway into my shower. Jimmy knocked on the door and told me to enjoy. He beat off in the shower.

1:10:19 Drew Left a little present for him.

1:10:20 Adam Left a little present for him.

1:10:21 Drew Floating in the...

1:10:21 Adam Floating. A slick. A slick.

1:10:23 Caller Maybe that was a gay lie. Maybe he was just saying that to...

1:10:26 Drew Oh, no, no, no, no.

1:10:26 Adam No, no, no, no.

1:10:28 Drew And with the Adams-Harrie...

1:10:30 Adam Yeah, no, I'm convinced some of it's still there.

1:10:33 Drew Kathy just threw up.

1:10:34 Adam I'm convinced that if you sent...

1:10:35 Caller I have the dry heaves. I feel like I have the dry heaves coming.

1:10:37 Adam Santa Barbara, DA.

1:10:38 Caller You guys are disgusting. When can you stop being disgusting?

1:10:42 Adam When? That's what I'm asking. Anyway, it really fouled up the ecosystem over there. A lot of otters and seagulls were killed, tangled up.

1:10:51 Caller Chris is the voice of reason in this room?

1:10:54 Adam That was pretty funny. Yeah. Yeah, buddy. It was bad times, too, because, you know, when you got that warm, hairy water, it's up to your shin. And there's some there's a gisberg floating in there. Painful.

1:11:05 Drew It's kind of.

1:11:06 Caller I can't say what I just said. You can say gisberg.

1:11:09 Adam yes, we can, because that's a city outside of Portland. Unfortunate for the residents, but it was named, you know, long.

1:11:17 Caller But you know, these visits never go the way I think they're going to go.

1:11:20 Adam Now you think they're going to drive.

1:11:21 Caller I think they're going to be fun. I think I'm going to move a lot of DVDs tonight. I want to promote my DVD. I want to see, oh, I love those guys. They're so fun.

1:11:29 Adam No. Now it turns out to be revolting, humiliating, and you need to take a rape shower after the show.

1:11:35 Caller All right.

1:11:35 Adam Let's take a little break. Kathy Griffin is disgusted.

1:11:38 Caller So you guys can go to the bathroom together?

1:11:40 Drew I'm going to barf, too. Don't worry. I'm going to go vomit.

1:11:42 Adam That's like John Waters saying, you're gross. Kathy Griffin going, oh, my God, please.

1:11:47 Caller That's too far.

1:11:48 Adam Allegedly. You crossed the line.

1:11:51 Drew I'm going to go vomit.

1:11:51 Adam Allegedly. Name of the new DVD. We'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1. Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, disillusioned, disgruntled friend.

1:12:21 Drew Disgusted.

1:12:22 Adam Disgusted, Kathy Griffin in studio tonight.

1:12:25 Caller I'm emotionally dismembered.

1:12:26 Adam Allegedly, name of the new DVD.

1:12:29 Drew Go ahead, buy your DVD, make her feel better.

1:12:31 Caller Thank you.

1:12:31 Adam I was, Drew and I just made one of our many trips to the bathroom. I-

1:12:36 Caller Do you ever go in there and just talk? Cause you can't pee that much, right?

1:12:39 Adam I actually, I went in and just talked.

1:12:40 Drew We were certainly talking. Yeah, you did this.

1:12:42 Adam I stood behind Drew.

1:12:43 Drew Well, what did you do? Wait, he stood behind me. Well, he farted.

1:12:46 Adam What if something happened?

1:12:48 Drew Wait, wait.

1:12:49 Caller Isn't this show supposed to help people?

1:12:51 Drew Wait a minute. What did you do? Let's be fair, what did you do?

1:12:54 Adam I stood behind Drew.

1:12:55 Drew yes.

1:12:55 Adam I spoke to him while he urinated. By the way, don't ever turn your back on me, Drew.

1:13:01 Drew You farted.

1:13:02 Adam No, I simulated farts with my...

1:13:06 Drew No, and then you lifted...

1:13:07 Adam And then I did blow an actual fart, which is unusual.

1:13:09 Drew With the leg lifted.

1:13:11 Adam Well, I don't want to chance anything. I want to aid its escape.

1:13:16 Drew And we talked.

1:13:16 Adam Then I took a half a step toward the toilet and saw that it was Dayglow Yellow and then launched into a jag about what is going on with society and guys not flushing the toilet and people can't flip the cap down on the ketchup container.

1:13:32 Caller Did you flush the toilet?

1:13:33 Drew No.

1:13:33 Caller Why?

1:13:35 Drew Because I was too busy listening to him and I tried to get away with the fart. Well, it was Latrine. I used Latrine, not toilet.

1:13:40 Adam Yeah, he used the urinal and that has an automatic flusher, which is now served to confuse people because I think they think everything's an automatic flusher. But here's all I'm saying. I see a lot of this now where you walk into the kitchen and the microwave doors open. The person didn't have the decency to shut it. The ketchup is all crusty, the mustard is all crusty because they didn't flip the cap down on it.

1:14:03 Drew The coffee mug with the quarter inch of coffee sitting in it.

1:14:07 Adam Everything is filled. You go to the bathroom, go to the airport or something. It's just urinal after urinal filled with urine. People have the dignity to flush it. What is it? Is it a big F you to everyone? Have we become that much individual?

1:14:18 Caller Girls' restrooms are the worst because girls have this crazy, ridiculous, irrational fear that if you sit on a toilet seat, you're going to get better.

1:14:25 Drew Women have way more preoccupation.

1:14:26 Caller And they pee on the toilet seat.

1:14:28 Drew They stand up over it.

1:14:29 Caller Every time I go to the public restroom, I have to stand there and clean it for like five minutes.

1:14:32 Drew They hover over it, right?

1:14:33 Caller Yeah, I don't hover. I sit right on it.

1:14:34 Drew They do a hovering thing.

1:14:36 Caller Oh, I don't want it splattering all over my thighs.

1:14:38 Drew Women have way more energy about the bacteria thing. Way more. They just do.

1:14:42 Adam So women actually urinate on the toilet seat.

1:14:47 Caller On the toilet seat.

1:14:47 Drew Well, they hover over it.

1:14:48 Adam No, I know, but I find it interesting that women's number one complaint with men at the home is having the seat down and getting wee-wee on the seat. But if you go to the public place, it's disgusting. Really?

1:14:59 Caller Yeah, it's gross.

1:15:00 Adam unless you're into that kind of thing.

1:15:02 Caller And I am not.

1:15:03 Adam Oh, well, speak for yourself. Pardon me. So you then don't hover. You have to wipe off the yard.

1:15:10 Caller And I get a bunch of Kleenex and I wipe it all, wipe it down. And then I just sit down like a normal person. But I like to make a comment. No, I don't need that. I like to make a comment. Like some old lady will get out and I'll look at the toilet seat and I'll go, Oh, I guess I'll just clean up after your pee.

1:15:25 Drew You say that.

1:15:26 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:15:27 Adam Yeah.

1:15:27 Caller I've never once had a person acknowledge it. I've never had a woman say, I'm sorry or shut up.

1:15:33 Drew At O'Hare Airport, they have a nice thing where the toilet changes its own plastic thing.

1:15:39 Caller That's pretty sweet.

1:15:40 Adam I've not had the chance to test that out. I'm going to build up something nice and head to Chicago and see what I can get done. I like the people that make their own sort of macgyver-esque, makeshift, ass-gasket out of toilet paper and then just leave it there like some sort of offering. Oh, should I use it or perhaps I should carefully flip it over and use the other side? Listen, you idiot, you made an ass-gasket, you took a dump, now flush it. jesus Christ. Why don't you just come over and rub some fecal matter on my car rear-view mirror while you're at it. You whizzed up the thing, just flush it. Just flush, that's all. Put the cap back on the goddamn ketchup, shut the microwave and flush the effing toilet. That's all. All right.

1:16:21 Drew Dump the coffee.

1:16:22 Adam All right. No, I'm not saying even toothpaste. You know why? Because I'm talking workplace, other people. Well, you will do what you want at home, drive your spouse crazy, do whatever you want, drive your roommate nuts. But when you're out using the kitchen at the job or you're using an airport bathroom.

1:16:36 Caller Adam, do you and Lynette have separate bathrooms?

1:16:38 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:16:38 Caller Yeah, that's key. That is key.

1:16:40 Drew That's good for marriage hygiene.

1:16:41 Caller Yeah.

1:16:42 Drew Marriage success.

1:16:43 Caller Yeah.

1:16:44 Adam Yeah, because I was in the sink.

1:16:46 Drew Yeah, that's my thing.

1:16:47 Adam That's my thing.

1:16:48 Drew Kathy, relax.

1:16:49 Adam Deep breathing.

1:16:50 Drew Deep breathing.

1:16:50 Adam Drew told me it was sterile.

1:16:52 Drew Deep breathing.

1:16:52 Adam And once I found that out.

1:16:54 Drew You're in his sterile. Look out. So now he uses it.

1:16:56 Adam I used to whiz in the sink before.

1:16:58 Caller Why would you whiz in the sink? Why?

1:17:01 Adam Well, first off, I like to look at myself when I whiz and there's usually, you know, and I'm a multitasker. I will oftentimes shave and whiz in the sink.

1:17:08 Caller No, you can't.

1:17:09 Drew It's the height of the counter that allures him.

1:17:12 Adam Yeah, I'm a rangy and it feels good.

1:17:15 Caller Gross.

1:17:16 Adam And it's really, there's a certain freedom to it.

1:17:19 Caller What if your wife was going to like say, oh, I need to wash out this tank top before I wear it tonight. I'll just wash out in the sink real fast. Which is where you pee.

1:17:27 Adam I would give it a sulfur tie dye. Yeah. Yeah.

1:17:33 Caller Drew.

1:17:34 Adam Yeah.

1:17:34 Caller Do something.

1:17:35 Adam Let me tell you this. I used to whiz in the sink before Drew told me urine or sterile. And now that I found out sterile, I don't even move my toothbrush.

1:17:43 Caller OK. Do not come to my party.

1:17:45 Adam I'm coming over.

1:17:46 Caller No.

1:17:47 Adam I'm coming Thursday.

1:17:48 Caller You're disinvited.

1:17:49 Adam I'm going to drink a pony keg. And I'm coming over.

1:17:52 Caller God.

1:17:53 Adam Drew, no whizzing between now and Kathy's party. I'm going to break it in. I'm going to christen it.

1:17:58 Caller It's granite. It's going to be little droplets. I'm going to go.

1:18:01 Drew He doesn't. He's very good.

1:18:02 Caller Oh, come on.

1:18:04 Caller What if they did one of those Dateline, you know, lights where they have the.

1:18:07 Drew Oh, yeah. He'd be pristine. Pristine.

1:18:09 Caller No.

1:18:10 Drew It'd be just the bowl.

1:18:11 Caller Oh, it's so gross.

1:18:12 Adam If I see Stone Phillips there, I'm not going to do it.

1:18:14 Caller What if my father who adores you knew this about you?

1:18:16 Drew Here we go.

1:18:17 Adam Well, it's high time they found out.

1:18:19 Drew What's the real you?

1:18:21 Adam Kevin?

1:18:22 Yeah.

1:18:23 Adam You're 25?

1:18:24 Caller yes, I am.

1:18:25 Adam You have a real life Germany or Florida?

1:18:28 Caller Personally viewed.

1:18:29 Adam What's up?

1:18:30 Caller All right. Driving down the street. Nine-year-old kid on the side of the road at a trailer park, bent over, pants around his ankles, dog licking his butt.

1:18:40 Adam Wow. Yeah.

1:18:41 Drew Florida.

1:18:42 Adam Well, it's Florida. You got the trailer park in there.

1:18:46 Caller Is that the final answer?

1:18:47 Adam yes.

1:18:48 Caller No, Germany.

1:18:49 Adam Wow.

1:18:50 Drew Oh, my God.

1:18:51 Caller You guys are 0 for 2.

1:18:52 Adam Wow. We've never been 0 for 2. Trailer park in Germany.

1:18:56 Caller gypsies.

1:18:57 Adam Oh, interesting. Thank you, Kevin. We'll send you out nothing. Here's a hypothetical I thought of today. Has a trailer.

1:19:05 Drew Wait a minute.

1:19:06 Adam What?

1:19:06 Drew Go ahead.

1:19:07 Adam Has a trailer ever burnt down because a menorah tipped over? Now, think about it. Give yourself a few beats.

1:19:16 Caller Because at first you think no, and then you think, hmm, a lot of old Jews in Florida. They can't all be wealthy.

1:19:22 Drew I want to explain. Really, Germany?

1:19:24 Adam First, I'm going to need your answer.

1:19:25 Drew No, never happened.

1:19:26 Adam Never happened. Kathy, menorah trailer fire?

1:19:28 Caller Sure, of course.

1:19:28 Adam One-time fire happened?

1:19:29 Caller Yeah.

1:19:30 Drew Kevin, Kevin.

1:19:32 Caller Yeah.

1:19:32 Drew You were actually in Germany?

1:19:34 Caller Yeah, I was in the military.

1:19:35 Adam All right. See, now it makes sense. One of our callers in Europe, what?

1:19:39 Drew Yeah.

1:19:39 Adam In the military. That all snaps into focus. All right.

1:19:42 Drew In Frankfurt or something?

1:19:43 Caller Where were you? It was in a town called Friedberg.

1:19:47 Drew Friedberg? yes, that's a big... I was actually asked to come speak there.

1:19:51 Adam Friedberg?

1:19:52 Drew Yeah.

1:19:53 Adam Really?

1:19:53 Drew It's one of the oldest medieval towns in Germany, apparently.

1:19:55 Adam I think they were trying to lure you in there because they found out you're half Jewish and they want to kill you. They'll oftentimes do that.

1:20:01 Drew I know.

1:20:02 Caller Or they wanted a dog to lick your butt.

1:20:03 Adam Yeah, you'll get that very cryptic, yeah, come on down, come on down. We want to hear what you have to say. Then they string you up. Oh, yes.

1:20:10 Drew I wonder why they set up in Freedbrough. What the hell is going on in Freedbrough?

1:20:12 Adam Who cares? You ready to roll?

1:20:13 Drew Let's go.

1:20:14 Caller All right.

1:20:16 Adam question for Kathy on line five. Sam?

1:20:20 Yeah, I'm here.

1:20:21 Adam You're 24?

1:20:22 Caller Yeah.

1:20:23 Adam What's up?

1:20:24 Caller Well, I have a question actually that... Hey, Kathy, how's it going? I had a question for both of you guys. I just got out of college a little while ago. I'm really into writing and comedy and I wanted to know just kind of like how you guys got that first initial step into the business.

1:20:40 Adam Go ahead, Kathy.

1:20:41 Caller We never get a question like this.

1:20:42 Adam Yeah.

1:20:43 Caller It's always my father just gave it to me up the butt again and he's in the final stages of AIDS.

1:20:48 Drew Sure, you're not going to answer?

1:20:48 Caller This is a very lighthearted... You're not going to answer? I'm just thrilled.

1:20:51 Adam Go ahead. It's true. It's nothing but fathers in the butt. Go ahead.

1:20:56 Caller I would say that...

1:20:57 Drew In Chlamydia by breast milk.

1:20:58 Adam How did you get started? Were you in Chicago?

1:21:00 Caller I was in Chicago. I did my first commercial when I was 18, when I was in high school. And then I moved to Los angeles and I joined the Groundlings. I did that for a long time and I guess...

1:21:08 Drew I don't know this about you. Did you always want to be comedy?

1:21:11 Caller Since I was five years old. Always. And I would say pursue it as much as you love it, but you really have to love it. If you're like on the fence or not sure, sometimes you get discouraged, it's not for you. You have to love it at any cost.

1:21:26 Caller And be able to make sacrifices for it.

1:21:29 Caller You have to do nothing but make sacrifices for it.

1:21:32 Drew Adam hates comedy.

1:21:33 Adam What went wrong? I love money. That's the beauty of it.

1:21:37 Caller Well, don't act like it's a really easy way to make money. Comedy is an easy buck.

1:21:41 Adam No, it's not. But if you can do it, you might as well do it and get paid instead of swinging a hammer. You can yell that and work with a bunch of racists who call their children the kid. Sam?

1:21:52 Caller Yeah.

1:21:53 Adam What do you want to do? You want to write?

1:21:55 Caller Yeah. Specifically, I do want to write. I've always been into the behind the scenes aspect rather than being on camera, but I really like the creative side of it.

1:22:04 Caller Well, that's Marc.

1:22:05 Adam All right.

1:22:05 Caller Well, you're already ahead of the game.

1:22:07 Adam If you want to write, you need to write. You just write something every day and get involved with some improv troupe and write a bunch of sketches for them and do it that way. Have people do your material.

1:22:19 Caller Isn't there stuff online you can just write and there's websites where people just write stuff and someone reads it?

1:22:23 Caller Yeah, you can publish pretty much anything you want.

1:22:25 Adam It also seems like a pretty good time. I know it wasn't that long ago, but when Kathy and I met, we probably met over at the Groundlings 15 years ago or so now, and there weren't that many outlets. There was the whole thing where the cable was just getting going. There wasn't all these reality shows. There wasn't 350 stations with 1500 shows, a thousand which you've never even heard of. It was just like, if you're funny, you're either sitcom material or you're not. If you're not, well, have fun playing a cruise ship for the rest of your life. There's no place for you on TV. There was all this Bravo and TNN and Spike and Comedy Central. Think about what Comedy Central has offered. It's offered people who they wouldn't let on TV, guys like myself, maybe people like that. They've given a place for us to go. Some people that aren't necessarily-

1:23:19 Caller Sam, what city do you live in?

1:23:21 Adam I'll put them on.

1:23:21 Drew San Francisco.

1:23:22 Adam San Francisco.

1:23:23 Caller I would say you have to live in LA or New York to really be a professional.

1:23:26 Adam All right. So go to New York. Please don't come to LA. I don't want to get behind you at a red light when you're not turning right.

1:23:31 Caller Oh yeah, there's a lot of writing jobs in New York.

1:23:33 Adam Yeah, go to New York.

1:23:34 Caller Adam, I think that the work you did on the Family Guy is hilarious.

1:23:37 Adam Well thank you. It was easy. They just told me what to say. All right. You ready to rock? Anyway, no excuses. No quick fixes. You just do it because you like to do it and if it works out, it works out in any business. Just focus and do it. Have we ever heard a shortcut in this business?

1:24:00 Drew Or even a plan or a sort of.

1:24:02 Adam Yeah. Especially in comedy or writing or some people just do it.

1:24:05 Drew But we hear the same thing from the musicians, talk to people who want to be musicians. We hear the same thing for every single creative endeavor. It's always about just, yeah, something you really got to do. You better just get good at it and do it, do a lot of it and see what happens.

1:24:17 Adam All right. Let's take ourselves a little break. Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear friend Kathy Griffin here. We'll take a break. Name of the new DVD, by the way, allegedly hot, hot, hot. The gays love it. We'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline and Adam, that's Dr. Drew. That's our dear, dear, dear friend, bitter friend, Kathy Griffin. Allegedly name of the DVD. Kathy making the rounds.

1:25:10 Caller You can get it on my website, kathygriffin.net. You can get it on Amazon, best Buy.

1:25:14 Adam kathygriffin.net.

1:25:15 Caller Virgin.

1:25:16 Adam What else might we find at kathygriffin.net?

1:25:19 Caller There's some beautiful airbrush photos. That's really the highlight. Then there's my upcoming Kathy Griffin events. Then there's the schedule for my Bravo Special, The D-List, which is still pulling in big numbers. Then there's my tour dates. There's some good celebrity picks with me and celebrities.

1:25:36 Adam Brooke Shields, perhaps?

1:25:38 Caller There's not a Brooke Shields one there.

1:25:39 Drew Adam Carolla? celebrities, that's right.

1:25:41 Adam celebrities. She said celebrities. Is Brooke going to be at the Christmas party?

1:25:45 Caller No, she's doing a Broadway show right now.

1:25:48 Caller Yeah.

1:25:49 Caller But there's a good one of me and Clay Aiken.

1:25:52 Adam Oh, important.

1:25:53 Caller Yeah. Me and Diana Ross, Kelly Clarkson.

1:25:58 Adam Diana Ross doesn't seem as nutty as she used to be. Did something happen?

1:26:02 Caller I would say she was fairly nutty, but she wasn't Annika Smith nutty.

1:26:06 Adam All right. Seems like she's off of something.

1:26:08 Drew Did you see her again?

1:26:09 Caller I was there. I was right there.

1:26:11 Drew How does she defend that?

1:26:13 Caller Here's my question. honestly, I'm not kidding. And I've been around her quite a bit. It almost seems like a morphine drip. Like, what possible? Because Matt was trying to say, oh, she's probably on Ativan or something. I said, no, I've got Ambien. I said, I've taken an Ambien on a plane. I can function.

1:26:29 Drew She's taking a lot of something. Yeah.

1:26:31 Caller But is it, do you think it's all one thing? Like, is it potentially all a downer or do you think it's an up and down?

1:26:36 Drew No, when you're that, like, what makes you say so highly? When you're dysarthric, yeah, when you're slurred like that and you're slowed, opiates.

1:26:43 Caller Well, what are opiates?

1:26:44 Adam I got to get some of those.

1:26:45 Drew Oxycontin, Vicodin, et cetera.

1:26:46 Adam Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's probably Vicodin.

1:26:48 Drew And then you can add it.

1:26:49 Caller But it's got to be a lot of Vicodin. I mean, I've taken a Vicodin after a facelift that I can talk.

1:26:52 Drew It's always a lot, but they also usually sprinkle in some benzodiazepine, add a van Zannex, that kind of stuff. Yeah. And it adds to the slow.

1:26:59 Caller So what does Zannex do?

1:26:59 Adam I'm getting hungry, you're required.

1:27:01 Drew What's the word?

1:27:02 Caller What does Zannex do? I thought Zannex and Ambien were the same.

1:27:06 Drew Zannex is specifically for sleep, Zannex for anxiety.

1:27:09 Caller Okay.

1:27:10 Adam By the way, not that she's not high as a kite, but...

1:27:14 Caller But don't those make you eat those drugs? Eat?

1:27:17 Adam No. She's from a very small town in Texas. She was discovered working at a fried chicken place and dropped out of the 9th grade. I mean, and has not furthered her education since she's come out to California. No. So the point is...

1:27:32 Caller And doesn't feel one bit guilty or self-conscious about being really stupid?

1:27:35 Adam If she wasn't high, we would just notice how stupid she is. Now we notice how high she is, which is actually better for her. We're going to laugh about that.

1:27:43 Caller Right.

1:27:44 Adam Yeah? No? What about it, Drew?

1:27:47 Drew It's a progressive disease, potentially fatal, we'll see.

1:27:50 Caller She's fine.

1:27:50 Adam She's doing good. No, she has a love, she has a child.

1:27:52 Caller interesting to know she's so destructive to the people around her. She'll bring them down sooner than she'll go down herself.

1:28:00 Adam Well, I just want her to get well so she can get freed up to get back to her research.

1:28:05 Caller And her fighting weight.

1:28:06 Adam That's right. That's right. Stephanie, and by the way, she may be due to be a billionaire coming up soon too.

1:28:14 Caller That's right.

1:28:15 Adam Whatever her divorce court, whatever it is, she married a guy with millions and millions and millions of dollars, and she may be getting a nice lump soon.

1:28:23 Caller 80 million.

1:28:24 Adam 80 million.

1:28:25 Caller She, at first it was 500 and they settled on 80 and she hasn't gotten it yet.

1:28:28 Adam Man, she can't live off 80 million, but that'll clean her up. She got off the drugs. When you get huge sums of money, it cleans you up. yes, Drew? Please, what do you know about addiction? Don't you talk about my hand that way. Stephanie?

1:28:43 Caller Yeah. Hi, guys.

1:28:44 Adam What's happening?

1:28:45 Caller I just want to say you guys are awesome and I really like you, Kathy. I think you're great.

1:28:49 Caller Thank you.

1:28:52 Caller Okay. This is my problem. I've been with my boyfriend for about two and a half years, and I just heard you talking to an earlier caller, and you said that maybe the birth control might lower your sex drive. Do you think that might be why I have a lower libido, I guess?

1:29:14 Drew Could be, although you're 17 and you sound 35. That always makes us a little nervous that you've had a rough life.

1:29:20 Caller No.

1:29:21 Drew No?

1:29:22 Caller No.

1:29:23 Adam You've been with your boyfriend for three years, did you say? Three and a half?

1:29:26 Caller About, yeah.

1:29:27 Drew How old is he?

1:29:29 Caller He's 21.

1:29:30 Drew You see what I'm saying?

1:29:31 Adam Beautiful.

1:29:31 Caller But isn't it unusual just even to be 17 and have had a relationship for two and a half years?

1:29:36 Adam Yeah. Isn't it three and a half?

1:29:37 Drew Three and a half, yeah.

1:29:38 Adam Three and a half is two? No. Two and a half. Two and a half. Okay. Too long for even two and a half, too long. He's 21. 14, 17, he's 21. Yeah.

1:29:46 Drew 19, you were 15. 19 and 15.

1:29:50 Adam Or worse.

1:29:51 Drew Or 14.

1:29:51 Adam Yeah. Here's the point. I don't like that. I don't trust that. But either way, I think it's time to finish it up.

1:29:59 Drew What Adam's saying is, yes, it's possible that the birth control pill can lower your sex drive, though some birth control pills raise your sex drive. So it's hard to say unless you're on the very, very low-dose pills and it's progesterone that's been on.

1:30:09 Caller What's the low-dose pills like?

1:30:10 Drew What are you taking?

1:30:12 Caller I'm on Yasmin.

1:30:14 Drew He has a very low-dose pill. That's a progesterone-based pill. And so that may be having that effect.

1:30:19 Adam I'd like to get on Yasmin once he was on Maywatch.

1:30:21 Drew For some women, that lowers the sex drive. However, what Adam is saying, maybe the sex drive is down, because the relationship is sort of winding down. But you might want to give it a try on a different pill for something with more estrogen in it.

1:30:32 Adam Yeah. Either way, I think if you're in a relationship for two and a half years and it started at 14, and you're now 17, it's time to wrap it up. I think so. It's healthier.

1:30:43 Caller All right.

1:30:43 Adam Let's talk to Ben, who's been on hold for 114 minutes.

1:30:48 Caller Ben?

1:30:49 Adam I wanted to get you earlier, but Kathy said no.

1:30:52 Caller No, that's not true.

1:30:53 Adam That's exactly what she said, no.

1:30:54 Caller You hear her?

1:30:55 Drew Adam actually hit my hand away when I tried to reach for your number.

1:30:57 Caller Sorry, Ben.

1:30:57 Adam There you go. Go ahead, Ben.

1:30:59 Caller Hey. Yeah. Basically, I have a tendency to have a yearning to masturbate all the time.

1:31:07 Caller Every time I'm here.

1:31:09 Drew You got one of these?

1:31:10 Adam Right.

1:31:10 Caller Of course.

1:31:11 Drew Well, Adam gets one of these every night.

1:31:13 Caller I know. He sounds like you, Adam.

1:31:15 Adam 16. Tell him there's nothing wrong with him. If you didn't yearn to masturbate at 16, you wouldn't be alive. The only thing that's really wrong with this call is the use of the word yearn. But it's old school. I like it.

1:31:26 Caller Well, wait, can we just get some numbers, Ben? What's the most you've ever done in one day? Seven.

1:31:32 Adam Amateur.

1:31:32 Caller Seven?

1:31:33 Drew Pretty good.

1:31:34 Caller No, you said amateur before you said something.

1:31:37 Drew Chris was impressed. Chris flinched.

1:31:38 Adam Yeah.

1:31:39 Caller Seven? Aren't you sore by four?

1:31:43 Caller No.

1:31:43 Adam You come back. You load up on electrolytes and you get back in the game.

1:31:47 Drew He comes out his penis.

1:31:49 Caller This is the way that it is. I'll sit there and I'll be like masturbating and then I'll be like one time and I'll be like, okay, cool.

1:31:57 Caller Then you go for the two times the hat trick?

1:31:58 Adam Are you going to go through all seven by the way this way?

1:32:01 Caller No.

1:32:01 Adam I can see the clock moving by. Then I get to number five and I think to myself, okay, we get it. You went for seven. But not seven in one sitting?

1:32:09 Drew In one day.

1:32:10 Adam In one day, I asked. Yeah. No, that's what I thought too. But he said, I'll sit there. Do you have a job? No.

1:32:17 Drew Sixteen.

1:32:18 Caller Oh, sorry. Do you have a dream?

1:32:22 Caller Yeah.

1:32:24 Caller We don't have to have a lot of time on your hands.

1:32:27 Caller Literally on my hands.

1:32:28 Caller All right.

1:32:29 Adam So listen, would you like to reel it in a little bit?

1:32:32 Caller I'll do the jokes. You do the jerking off.

1:32:35 Drew Were you sexually abused growing up?

1:32:37 Caller Uh, no.

1:32:37 Drew Okay. That's the only check for that because that can, the people with that history often get out of control, get compulsive.

1:32:44 Caller For any age.

1:32:45 Drew No, it's not normal. It's a little bit light.

1:32:48 Adam Right. I find disturbingly light.

1:32:52 Caller So he's a prude basically. He's a frigid prude.

1:32:54 Adam I would say he's uptight. jessica, we're out of time. It's just you've been on hold for so long. I feel like we should say something. We have a 32 year old boyfriend and he's juggling five different girlfriends.

1:33:09 Drew Is that right? jessica's gone.

1:33:12 Adam I think she's asleep. All right. Anyway, if you're with a guy...

1:33:16 Caller The bottom line is jessica, get out of it.

1:33:18 Drew If you're not seeing where the guy's 32, get out.

1:33:20 Adam Right. We will take a quick break. Dear, dear, dear friend, Kathy Griffin and Suzy tonight. Allegedly, name of the new DVD. We'll be right back after this. Well, that's the show, everybody. A dismayed Kathy Griffin.

1:34:08 Caller We helped a lot of people.

1:34:09 Drew Disturbed.

1:34:10 Caller A lot of people.

1:34:10 Adam Disturbed, disappointed, dismayed. All the things that start with a D.

1:34:14 Drew Disgruntled.

1:34:17 Adam Do not diss Kathy by not buying, allegedly, a DVD. It is excellent.

1:34:23 Caller Did you love it?

1:34:23 Adam I loved it.

1:34:24 Caller Which story did you like the best?

1:34:25 Adam I loved the one about Andy Dick.

1:34:28 Caller Oh, that is a closer, my friend. I love that one. That is Money in the Bank.

1:34:33 Adam So, we will see you all tomorrow. Kathy, we will see you on Thursday at your Christmas party. Until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:42 Drew doesn't all stay in, it comes out.

1:34:44 Caller It's supposed to come out?

1:34:45 Drew Yeah, it's supposed to come out.

1:34:47 Caller Why?

1:34:49 Caller This has been Loveline. Opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, December 6, 2004