Episode 1000663620425

0:57 Voiceover Online is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline.

1:18 Adam That's Dr. Drew. Telephone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Addiction Medicine Specialist. Tonight we welcome to the show the band Keane. Good to see you guys.

1:32 Drew Hello.

1:33 Adam Tom Chaplin here, Tim Rice-Oxley here, also from the band. The guys are going to be doing the world famous K-Rock Acoustic Christmas on the 11th. That's Saturday night. That is coming up, I think, a week from this Saturday, right, Drew?

1:48 Drew Correct, Adam.

1:48 Adam Drew will be there for eight minutes. He will bring a band on. He will have a host of complaints, and then he will leave. I will bet he's in a bunch. That's what he does. I, however, will be getting drunk and making and being with my fans because that's how I am.

2:03 Keane Wait, wait, wait.

2:05 Drew Where do you make that fancy bathroom with the walk-in shower?

2:08 Adam Yes, the same. I sit on the same throne Elton John sits on, when Julio Iglesias sits on when they're when they're there entertaining the masses. So this is the first Acoustic Christmas for Keane, I believe, right? I'm not.

2:23 Keane Yeah, I guess not done.

2:24 Adam Good.

2:24 Drew He is the number one band in Europe right now.

2:26 Adam Yeah, that's what I'm reading.

2:28 Yeah, believe it or not.

2:30 Adam How do they figure that out? Just who sells the most records in Europe?

2:35 We sold, I think in the UK, we sold more records than anyone else this year, which is pretty incredible considering the number of great records have been.

2:43 Adam And considering considering a lot of the bands from the UK come over here and do do nicely as well. So Keane is going to be or did Ellen today which are tell me was a was a good time. And so that air today that we already saw that right? I think that goes.

2:59 Keane Or does it go tomorrow?

3:01 Adam Goes tomorrow. All right, everyone, you watch Keane tomorrow. You can listen to him here today. You can if you're going to be around Japan, you can catch him on tour.

3:11 Drew Well, most of the 100 is hearing this after Keane has been on Ellen.

3:15 Adam Huh? Yeah, I don't know what the percentage of the people in the country that hear this show on a one day delay versus the ones that hear it in real time, Drew.

3:24 Drew That's 70 percent.

3:25 How do you know?

3:26 Drew Just look at the numbers.

3:27 You don't know.

3:30 Adam Yes, I do.

3:30 Drew Well, yes, I do.

3:30 Adam Well, look, let me let me say this. First, I want to welcome you guys to show. Secondly, here's the thing when it comes to the bands that are from the UK area. They either love the show or they hate the show. And I don't think there's anything like it in England. And I think for some people who come here from that part of the world, there shouldn't be anything like it, not in England, not here, not anywhere. But other people have a different take. They're like, yeah, we need this. We need this. So hopefully you guys will be the ones.

4:01 Drew I think we're going to love it.

4:03 Adam Oh, yeah.

4:03 Drew Yeah, absolutely. Half the band will be in England.

4:05 Adam Good.

4:06 Keane I've got a funny feeling. There's a show on Radio One in the UK which I've got a terrible feeling has been completely copied from you.

4:12 Drew Oh, really? Interesting.

4:13 Adam Oh, really? Well, they do. They have a Doctor's Not Funny, Genius Host.

4:17 Keane And I say, you know, same thing, that sort of thing.

4:20 Adam OK. Because now who was the band in here? The Darkness?

4:23 Drew Darkness, my pleasure.

4:24 Adam Yes. They weren't happy.

4:25 Drew No.

4:25 Adam They weren't happy with the content at all. No, it's funny, too, because, you know, their album cover's got a naked chick on a tarmac. And it seems like, all right, well, these guys know how to party. They heard one one. I think they heard the word vagina and they all stormed out of here.

4:40 Drew But there's an interesting correlation. The bands that seem intent to ban talking about themselves and taking the focus out themselves and talking about somebody else is troubling to them.

4:49 Adam That's what we have to tell people. I think people think they're coming on to talk about the music, to talk about the band. And it's really about me.

4:56 It's about Adam.

4:58 Drew You understand?

4:58 Adam No, it's about the callers and what it reminds me to talk about. No, no, it's the callers. It's about the show.

5:05 We're sensitive souls. That's the thing. We like to hear what other people think.

5:09 Drew So far, it's all good.

5:10 Adam Yeah, this is perfect. All right. We're going to hear something from Keane. Actually, we'll hear a couple of things from Keane. First one in the 11 o'clock hour, then why don't you say one in the 10 o'clock hour, then the 11 o'clock hour. We'll start off with Julie, who's 20. Julie? What's up?

5:28 Hey, this is the thing. I have three other roommates, and I recently hooked up with one of my roommates, and we broke up recently. The weird thing is that I came home one night after work, and he's been really upset about the whole breakup and everything. I came home and I walked in on him and his sister, like, fooling around and stuff. That kind of freaks me out because when we were together, he would say stuff like, I remind him of his mom.

5:53 Drew Well, first of all, your what? Your what's mom?

5:57 Adam Remind her him of her mom. His mom.

6:02 Drew Well, there's several possibilities. Bogus. Bogus. She walked into something she didn't really realize what she was saying.

6:10 Adam Maybe he was performing a Heimlich on her.

6:13 Drew It's somebody who calls his sister as a sham for her, as a cover for this show.

6:18 Adam Are you sure she's not just a black chick or something? You know, sometimes people say sister. They don't always mean blood relative. You sure it's his full-blood sister?

6:29 Yeah, I'm positive. She was staying here for a while and then…

6:32 Adam And he was making out with her?

6:34 Yeah, and they were fooling around and stuff, but he said…

6:37 Drew What were they doing?

6:38 They were just, you know, like he was on top of her and they were making out and they had their shirts off and stuff. And it was just, you know, I peeked in for like a second because he was breaking me out. Now it's just kind of weird because me and my one other roommate know about it. So it's just, it's weird and I don't know and he doesn't know that we know and it's just really uncomfortable. And, you know, like he said, I was one of his mom who died recently and it just, it's really uncomfortable and I don't.

7:03 Adam All right, hold on. We have to convene here. It feels bogus.

7:08 Drew Well, as we asked after one question, why did you call? I got to know why she called. I still don't know why she called.

7:14 Adam Julie, why did you call?

7:15 I just, I don't know if I should bring it up to him.

7:18 Drew There we go. Now it's bogus.

7:19 Adam Now it's bogus.

7:20 Drew Come on.

7:21 Adam Yeah, you should confront him.

7:22 Drew Yeah, bring it up. Talk to him at length about it.

7:24 Adam Make sure you bring mom's urn with you, too, by the way, that she should be present in some form. Of course. Where's the guy? Who put you up to this?

7:34 I just, you know, I don't know.

7:36 Drew Where's the guy? Where's the guy?

7:38 Adam There's always a guy behind a bogus call.

7:40 No, I swear.

7:41 Adam It's like there's no bad pets. There's only bad owners. There's no bogus chicks. There's only bogus boyfriends who make them do their bogus bidding. You see what I'm saying?

7:52 Drew All right. If this is true, because she's not backing down. And by the way, part of the Geneva Convention on Bogosity is you've got to immediately admit when we called you out on something that's bogus. Right.

8:02 Adam Because this is the equivalent to hiding in a mosque.

8:05 Drew Yes. It's right.

8:07 Adam And booby trapping your buddy.

8:09 Drew That's right.

8:09 Adam That's what this is.

8:11 Drew You can't live with this situation. A, either move or B, sit down as a group of roommates and say, we saw this thing. It's really bothering us. What is up? And what happened?

8:19 Adam What happened?

8:20 Drew I'm sick.

8:20 Adam You have a NAD drop?

8:21 Drew Yeah.

8:22 Adam You're sick.

8:23 Drew Lost a NAD.

8:23 Adam What do you got?

8:24 Drew Some kind of bronchitis.

8:26 Adam It's funny. It's funny when a doctor gets sick.

8:29 Drew It's not as funny as when they die, but when they're sick, it's not going to accomplish anything. What is your goal in talking to him? He's got some problems.

8:37 Adam How about you get out of there, by the way, before he, you know, before the dad and the dogs start getting involved, we do have a phrase in England that says incest is best.

8:47 So maybe that's just a poison.

8:49 Adam You stole that from us, by the way. There's no way you guys could have pioneered that. That definitely came from one of our red states.

8:57 I don't know if there are weird things happen in the countryside in England.

9:00 Adam Really?

9:00 I worry about that.

9:01 Adam You know, for some reason, though, why is incest in Kentucky so much worse than incest in England? Do you see what I'm saying? For me, it's almost quaint that you guys would wave each other over there. Over here, it's disgusting.

9:13 Drew There's more historical value there.

9:14 Adam Yeah.

9:15 Drew Yeah.

9:15 Adam Yeah. There's a blue blood thing going on or something. There's a rich history of it.

9:19 Drew You know, there was a time when, you know, in the periods of famine and great stress.

9:23 Adam Yeah, you had to do what you had to do.

9:24 Drew Right. Exactly. Right. Sort of recapitulating the past.

9:28 Adam All right. So Julie needs to get out of this apartment, by the way. Let me just give this speech to everybody.

9:34 Drew She's got to admit to us this was bogus. Come on.

9:36 Adam Really? Julie? Julie? Admit it was bogus. Drew's sick, by the way.

9:44 I wouldn't call if it wasn't true. I just don't know what to do.

9:48 Adam Don't say anything. And how about you get out of there?

9:50 Drew By the way, four times we've told you what to do and you keep just repeating, I don't know what to do.

9:54 Adam I don't know what to do.

9:55 Drew Well, we don't tell her what to do. We told her not to do anything. I told her A to E to not do anything, B, move out, C, get together with the roommates and have a discussion about what you saw just to air it, but you're not going to get any satisfaction out of this. What do you tend to do?

10:06 Adam Drew, you giving her 127 possibilities of what to do is not an answer. I mean, what if this car fix-it show and they said, well, it could be the clutch, could be the transmission, could be bell housing, could be slave selling.

10:17 Drew You can make it true.

10:18 Adam Why, there's no more parts.

10:20 Drew I'm not talking about parts. I'm saying you can just, it's a loss, cash it in. Sorry, stop talking.

10:24 Adam That's enough.

10:24 Drew Or you can leave it alone or you can repair the transmitter, whatever it is.

10:27 Adam Save your voice. Save your voice and your breath. What do you guys think?

10:33 Keane I think I should talk about it. I think it could be very interesting. I'm interested in the dead mother syndrome and the reminding.

10:43 Adam It's bizarre, but here's the thing.

10:45 Drew No, it's just, brothers and sisters having sex means there's horrible, overt sexual abuse of them as children. That's the only way that happens. And so you've got two very, very disturbed people here. The mom recently dying doesn't bear on that at all. So that's why we think it's bogus.

11:00 Adam Get your cleaning deposit, pack your futon up and get out of there. People need to know that if you have bad roommates, you got to get out of there and people get into these things. I haven't talked about this in a while. Everyone has a bad roommate and they get into this thing where they're like, well, I got half my cleaning deposit down, so I'd be out 233 bucks and I was here. All that's not going to do you any good when this guy stabs you with a fireplace poker when you're asleep on the sofa. You know what I mean? Or drugs you or does a rape you or does whatever horrible thing horrible roommates do on a daily basis. Just cut your losses and get out of there.

11:35 Drew There you go.

11:37 Adam Sarah?

11:37 Yeah.

11:38 Adam You're 19?

11:39 Caller Yeah. I have a question about like an ex-boyfriend. When we were dating, I cheated on him with a friend and I told him about it and then we played it cool for a couple months and now he's starting to get back in my life again. It's really weird because he's like buying me stuff and taking me out where I'm not even asking him to, just coming over to my house and...

12:03 Drew What's your question Sarah? No question.

12:05 Adam You're with a guy, you broke up and you're getting back together. He's hot for you.

12:09 Drew Fantastic. Well, no.

12:10 Caller See, I want to know. He's just doing this just so I can get back with him and then he can cheat on me.

12:16 Drew No, he's doing... No, he's not. You're the cheater.

12:19 Adam Yeah, remember?

12:20 Drew You're the cheater, not him.

12:21 Caller No, exactly. He's the idiot.

12:23 Drew He's the idiot going back with you.

12:24 Adam I can't stand... I'll tell you what's wrong with this country. If you have these A-holes in England, please pipe up. The people that give you that speech about how people are trying to screw you, man, and you turn your back. Those are the people that are doing the screwing. The people that are talking, worried about getting their stuff ripped off, they're worried about getting cheated on, they're worried about getting screwed, or explaining to their kids constantly. Like, you got to make... You got to throw the first punch, son, because this world's... No, you're the A-hole. The world's fine. You're just training more A-holes. She's projecting.

12:51 Drew The same way in England?

12:52 Adam Skid nation. Training A-holes. Training A-holes.

12:55 Drew We've been training A-holes for many years here.

12:57 Adam This country turns out more A-holes than any other country. Sarah, with the exception of the Middle East, but that's a cultural thing.

13:04 Drew Sarah, cannot judge. How dare you? Sarah, you're the cheater. He's the idiot. He wants to get back with you because he wants to have sex, bottom line. But well, there you go. What are you going to do? That's his choice.

13:16 Adam Well, he probably likes you and always did. You screwed up the relationship.

13:22 Drew No. It means he's desperate.

13:25 Adam He did what?

13:25 Drew She took his virginity.

13:27 Adam Oh, yeah.

13:28 Drew He's just a desperate guy who likes to have sex.

13:30 Adam Here's what happens, too. You break the guy's hymen, he thinks he gets confident. It's like a little, you know, the man's hymen just holds a little thing of testosterone and toys and all of a sudden pow, it breaks and you're like, wow, hey, I can get this anywhere I want. So you step out, you look around, you get turned down for about six months, you put your tail between your legs and you come back to the original. That's the way it works. So that's why he's slinking back to you, even though you screwed him over by having sex with his friend. What's wrong with you? Do you like him or not?

14:03 Caller Well, he's a great guy, just I'm not really good with dating and I don't know why.

14:08 Adam You're chaotic. Where's your dad? What did he do? Did he cheat on your mom? Did your mom cheat on him?

14:13 Drew Gone, gone, gone.

14:14 Adam Where's dad? All right, great. All males are going to abandon you, so make sure you strike first. You got that?

14:22 Drew The deal is, sir, that's exactly what you're doing. This is actually a nice guy. This is the guy you should be with, but because he is a nice guy, you can't tolerate it, you'll find it boring, you'll sabotage it, and the fact is, he's not going to leave you.

14:34 Adam And by the way, you cheating on him and telling him you cheated on him with his friend is a shining example of sabotage. Or whoever. The fact that you cheated on him and told him about it when you didn't need to, and don't give me that, he deserved to hear the truth, BS. You're sabotaging. All right, fine. You're just going to have a string of bad relationships.

14:55 Drew There you go.

14:55 Adam How about a little therapy?

14:57 Drew How dare you, Adam. I'm presumptuous of you.

15:01 Adam All right, don't. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. I want you to promise me you just keep doing this. All right, Sarah?

15:05 Drew As long as you take contraception.

15:08 Adam And then you get old, and then you get a little sun blast, and you get some wrinkles on you, and eventually you get nothing.

15:13 Drew Don't forget the speed.

15:14 Adam That's it. Yeah. All right, Sarah, have fun. You're merry. Go around.

15:17 We're going to go enjoy the world.

15:18 Adam Thanks. This is what we do here. We just, people get screwed up, dad abandons, whatever. And in our society, I don't know. You guys tell me how it is. You're smart guys. You come from England. They must have a different...

15:32 Drew Well, they actually... You have to be smart. No, they actually...

15:34 You ask stupid people.

15:35 Adam We have no emphasis on psychology.

15:37 Drew You have no uneducated people. None.

15:40 Yes.

15:40 Drew Compared to this country.

15:41 Adam Right. But here's what we do. Introspection is sort of taboo, like self-analysis is taboo. Now, not if you do it through a series of cassettes, not if you read a book with a bunch of pictures in it or not if you watch Dr. Phil. That's fine. But actually doing the work, like somebody like Sarah over here, her dad abandoned her. She's scarred. She's not aware of it. She's acting out. She's going to continue to act out. She needs to do a little work on herself in order to stop this cycle, but she won't do it and society won't ask her to do it.

16:12 Drew It's acknowledgement that your thought processes, your volition or your desires are under the influence other than some sort of personal free will unacceptable. You're not allowed to look at that.

16:24 Adam Right.

16:25 Drew So to look at the fact that she's caught in this cycle of abusive relationship or abandoning relationships, impossible, because that sort of somehow ruptures the taboo.

16:34 Adam Right. And what about in England? Is it different? Is there, would you, would you, is there such a taboo around it?

16:41 Keane I don't know. I don't think so. I think people, it's a strange way of communicating that people have in England, do you normally have to sort of, you know, there's like the manly talk where people will eventually start talking about.

16:56 Adam Would somebody like, I'll give you for instance, there's no way one of our leaders from this country would say, I'm in therapy right now.

17:04 Drew I took ten years of therapy before I got on my political career, it was the best thing I ever had. But they don't really do therapy, they do like sort of advice counseling.

17:14 Adam They wouldn't admit it.

17:17 Drew No one actually does the actual work.

17:19 Adam Well nobody is in any position of power. And it would be considered a weakness if you were to admit that. And by the way, you could sit around and beat the Bible all you wanted, but you could never say you had a therapist.

17:36 Drew Or you could go visit some sort of guru and pound on drums and study Eastern philosophy, that's good.

17:40 Adam Yeah, well that's a Hollywood thing. But you couldn't do it, George Bush couldn't do that. Every president we have talks about the Bible, but they never talk about therapy. Or human behavior, human psyches. Wouldn't it be nice if the president said, look we should focus on global warming and terrorism and the economy and the gross national product. Well, let's put an emphasis on being happy. How about it, people? Let's have a good time while we're here. Would it be nice?

18:13 Drew It would be interesting.

18:14 Adam I'd be cool with it, just everyone, and by the way, have a good day.

18:18 Drew George, Adam Carolla is cool with this. Why don't you try this out?

18:21 Adam Tell Bush I'm cool with it. Tell him the Ace man, give it the big thumbs up. So here's a question, more therapists per capita in London than in, I don't know, New York, Los Angeles? No. No. No, they believe you're supposed to work things out for yourself, but it doesn't seem like they act out as much as we do.

18:43 No, they don't.

18:44 Adam No, more reserved. Like you guys just beat yourselves up, which we don't.

18:47 Keane And other people.

18:48 Adam And other people, you know, at soccer, at soccer games and stuff like that.

18:52 All right.

18:53 Keane It's part of the culture.

18:54 Adam Let's hear a song. That's true.

18:57 Drew I'm cool with that.

18:58 Adam Why don't you hock something up while we're doing it?

19:00 Drew It's not. It's tight.

19:03 Adam How about I give you a vapor rub?

19:04 Drew Nice.

19:05 Adam Yeah. All right. Get out the Vicks. I'm going to give you a nice vapor rub. Keane is in studio tonight. I'm going to hear something off Hopes and Fears. And you're cute up there, Michelle. Oh, wait a minute. Oh, this one's called Somewhere Only We Know.

23:07 There you go, our one key.

23:09 Adam Tim and Tom, both here from the band. Hopes and Fears, The Name of the CD, a very lovely song. Made me think a little of Ben Folds Five.

23:21 Drew Oh, nice.

23:22 Adam I like that Ben Folds Five. We will, guys are going to be playing at the Acoustic Christmas, the Mother Station out here, K-Rock's Acoustic Christmas, coming up one week from Saturday on the 11th. And good, I'm going to look forward to seeing them. We're going to take a break. Why don't we come back, Drew? Who? Who are we talking to?

23:41 Drew Murray.

23:41 Adam Germany or Florida?

23:42 Drew If you want.

23:42 Adam We're going to play a rousing round of it.

23:45 Drew In the next segment, at least, we'll do a drum roll.

23:46 Adam Germany or Florida, and all that after this.

23:50 Drew Loveline.

23:54 Adam We'll be right back.

23:55 Hey, everybody, it's Loveline.

24:00 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Keane in studio tonight. Tim and Tom, both here from the band, and so well-mannered. They're going to try to slide in some English slang that they couldn't say if they were on the radio in their beloved England. And I like that because to me it's cursing even if it's not technically against the FCC in this country.

24:27 Drew Strangely, the words, they might slip out or completely forbidden by the FCC. It would be fine in England.

24:33 Adam Right.

24:34 Drew Good.

24:34 Adam All right. So please try to work in Buggard or Bullock's or...

24:39 Drew Bloody.

24:40 Adam Yeah. Bloody I think you get to do over there.

24:43 Keane We can use rhyming slang as well. Has that made it over here yet?

24:46 Adam Really?

24:47 Keane We have a thing in London called Cockney rhyming slang which is like an old English thing where it's just like a... I don't know how it ever got like...

24:55 Adam We have this like there once was a man from Nantucket. You know that one? I'll tell it to you during the break. Yeah, all right, well, if you want to rhyme, however you want to curse, it's fine. Just please curse. That's all.

25:09 Drew All right.

25:09 Adam Drew, who are we speaking to?

25:11 Drew Mari.

25:13 Adam I want to play Germany or Florida.

25:14 Drew All right.

25:15 Adam Here's how this works, fellas. Well, you guys being from Europe know how effed up Germany is and all those nut jobs are. Here, we have our own little slice of Germany. It's called Florida. And we figured out that every bizarre story, I'm not talking about just your garden variety bank robberies or murders, I'm talking about cutting your toes off and smoking them kind of stories, you know, those sex with the goats kind of stuff, the crazy stuff, either Germany or Florida is where the story comes from. So people call in, they tell us the story, and then we have to guess, is it Germany or is it Florida? We're pretty, we're about 90 percent. Stacey?

25:51 Caller Things are sick interested.

25:52 Adam It's our theme song.

25:53 Caller You guys may want to cover this at the acoustic Christmas. Both of them have got these, guaranteed not to bore ya, Germany or Florida.

26:01 Adam Stacey?

26:02 Yeah?

26:04 Adam What's up, baby doll? Give us a question.

26:06 Nothing. Okay, ready? Mm-hmm. All right. A man with a strange obsession of birds arrived in a public park with a bird on a leash and a collar. Witnesses say the man then proceeded to pin the bird down on its back and rub his penis up and down the bird's chest. Policemen saw him and ran over, shouting for the man to stop. Startled, the man let go of the bird. The bird then bit his testicles, resulting in one of the man's testicles being halfway torn off.

26:37 Drew Well, first of all, what a story.

26:41 Adam For the bird, too.

26:42 Drew Well done, Stacey. This is a paradigm, a watershed in the Germany or Florida stories we've heard.

26:49 Adam Wow, it's tough.

26:51 Drew Animal abuse, but hang on.

26:52 Adam You think Germany.

26:53 My instincts tell me Germany.

26:54 Drew Me, too. Germany has a lot of public places, public gathering, where people gather and stand up in soap boxes and do things.

27:00 Adam Plus, cops yell the stop. Here you just feel something on the back of your head while you're humping the bird. That happened to me.

27:06 Drew Not only that. Any public place in the United States, you find a cop that will respond.

27:14 Yeah, you're not going to find any cops.

27:15 Keane I don't think it's even that unusual in Germany, to be honest. Really? We've seen a lot of that.

27:22 Bird wanking. There we are.

27:24 Drew Pigeon poker?

27:24 Yeah.

27:25 Keane It's encouraged.

27:26 Adam Yeah, it is. And there's statues in the town square and everything. It's gone on for centuries.

27:31 It's an age old tradition.

27:33 Drew It started with King Ludwig.

27:34 Pigeon's flock there.

27:35 Drew One of his ceiling paintings in Neuenschwanstein.

27:39 Adam Oh, really? Oh, absolutely. I didn't know that. Oh, the cop wasn't even trying to stop him. He just usually used two birds and he broke some sort of code. It was the leash. So we go in Germany. We're going Germany, everyone's going Germany. Stacey? I don't know why. I mean, you would just think effed up is effed up no matter what side of the ocean you're on. But for some reason, the German ones feel very German and the Florida ones feel very Floridian.

28:08 Drew The cultural just bleeds out. You can't take that Florida culture out of behavior.

28:15 Adam No, but it's weird. It's not like Florida is all, oh, while attending a Jimmy Buffet concert, the guy choked on a papaya. It's not that. It's not alligators.

28:24 It's not alligators, snakes, mosquitoes.

28:26 Adam Yeah, they don't involve snakes or alligators. They don't involve that kind of stuff. They're just usually straightforward guys doing something weird to something. But they have a flavor to them. And that was immediately German.

28:38 Drew It's true. It's usually guys doing this stuff.

28:40 Adam Oh, guys are always doing something.

28:41 Drew Rarely a woman.

28:43 Adam Women don't do anything. And once in a while, a guy enlists a woman's help.

28:47 Drew Yes, yes.

28:47 Adam In doing something weird to a bird.

28:49 Drew And that's Florida.

28:50 Adam And then that's Florida. That's right. All right. And that's how you play Germany or Florida. Let's talk to…

28:56 Drew Come on, let's talk to Mari real quick.

28:57 Adam Mari?

28:58 Drew And then we're going to talk to…

28:59 Adam Mari? You're 18?

29:02 Caller Yes.

29:03 Adam What's up?

29:04 Caller My question is for Dr. Drew. Yeah. I've been hearing everywhere that if a guy sits in a jacuzzi long enough or takes a hot shower, that he can have sex without a condom and not worry about getting the chick pregnant. Is that true?

29:19 Drew Mari, it's completely untrue. Please, dear God, if you have friends that are claiming that or using that technique, set them straight. There may be… you spent a few hours in a 120-degree jacuzzi. You may affect the sperm's sort of potency, but you cannot rely on it as being contraceptive. No way.

29:39 Adam And why, this is based on the theory that your testicles are outside your body, so it's a…

29:45 Drew By the way, Maury, you should understand this, that the sperm that's going to go inside you is actually inside the male behind his prostate in something called the seminal vesicles. They're not even in his testes.

29:57 Adam Really?

29:57 Drew Yes. The testes is producing new sperm that they'll package and send up into the seminal vesicles for next week.

30:04 Adam Are you a real doctor or just a love doctor?

30:08 Drew So the whole thing is...

30:09 Adam Seminal vesicles. It's the name of the next keynote, by the way. You could do worse in seminal vesicles. Seminal album. Right. All right. So, what is it... So, is everything inside your body like 98 and a half degrees or whatever the temperature reads?

30:26 Drew Well, no. Your testes are a little cooler. That's why they're set up that way.

30:29 Adam Well, your testicles are a little bit cooler.

30:32 Drew What do you think mine go at coming off that? If you're out walking in the cold, your testes are going to take on the ambient temperature because they're so far from your body.

30:41 Adam Right. Mine hang down pretty low.

30:43 Drew And if you walk into an ice, imagine they'll just get the ice.

30:46 Mine's just dragging on the ice.

30:47 Adam Yeah.

30:47 Drew Get the ice down.

30:48 Adam Right. But if it's actually... That's more a warm weather thing for me.

30:52 Drew Yes. Yes.

30:52 Adam Cold weather.

30:53 Drew They move up.

30:54 Adam Like landing gear going right in the belly of a plane.

30:56 I don't even know I have them.

30:59 Drew Not your test. Not anymore.

31:00 Adam Penis starts pouring. Not anymore. Where's the test? I have to talk the penis out of the underpants. Don't worry, sweetie. They'll be back. Yeah. I got to get them out. I hold my nose.

31:08 Blowing like that.

31:10 Adam No. They come up in you when it's cold, right? Because why? Why do they come up when it's cold if they want to stay cool?

31:18 Drew It gets too cold.

31:19 Adam Too cold.

31:20 Drew You got to...

31:22 Adam So is everything that's in you what the thermometer says?

31:26 Drew Yes, pretty much.

31:27 Adam So inside, I cut you open, wherever I cut you open, I'm about 98, 99. And then your testicles, I mean, they change, but they're trying to couple 10 degrees cooler, kind of stay out there, stay cooler. Why not just work out the sperm? You know what I mean? I mean, I'm talking about God now. I'm saying we have to make a separate sack that gets smashed on the handlebars of the bike and you sit on, turn blue, get punched, get kneaded. How about just working the sperm out so it can sit up in you?

31:58 Drew Oh, making the sperm better, making the sperm more able to tolerate the heat.

32:01 Adam Yeah, why do we need that? I don't need my sack. It's a burden. If you think about it.

32:06 Keane Maybe if you go about it till the last minute, you know, you designed everything and then you go for the last minute and go, hang on, how are they going to reproduce?

32:12 Adam I would put the sack off too if I was the Almighty. You know what I mean?

32:16 Drew You clearly didn't give it a lot of thought.

32:17 Adam Oh my God, when you get in the sack, I'm working on the nostrils, I'm working ears, I'm putting the sack off too late.

32:26 Drew Aesthetic design was not a priority.

32:28 Adam No it was not.

32:29 Drew No, no.

32:30 Adam I'm just saying guys could do without one. I mean, just a big picture, you know, it's really, it's nothing but hard. If you sack, God knows women can't stand it.

32:38 Drew The biology is so complicated that the forces, the sort of chemical forces, biochemical forces, biochemical forces, that result in the thing that is the processing of terum and creational sperm is such, so amazing and so complex, it had to evolve the way it did, that's the bottom line.

32:56 Adam The premise with the jacuzzi is that the sack is exposed to the hot water, but you're saying that sperm is not the one that's going to get you.

33:04 Drew Right, it's not going to get you anyway.

33:06 Adam That one's already in the chamber.

33:07 Drew Package is in the chamber ready to be released.

33:09 Adam The clip is in the jacuzzi, but this one's already been chambered.

33:13 Drew That's right.

33:14 Adam Yeah, that's gun talk. You guys don't have guns over there, Nathan. We got guns here. Everything's gun talk. Drew, show them your guns. Drew brings guns into the studio. All right. Where are we going now? Michelle? Michelle? You're 20?

33:29 Drew I am.

33:30 Adam I don't want to talk about our yeast infections, Drew.

33:32 Drew You want to talk about uncircumcised penises?

33:34 Adam No.

33:34 Drew That's good for European guys.

33:35 Adam Yeah, it is. It is, but I also want to play a little Aces Ranchero According Countdown. This is another huge game. I can't believe this hasn't made it over the pond yet. We have something out here.

33:46 Drew These guys look a little bit nervous. Where is he going now? What is about to happen?

33:52 Keane I couldn't believe there was only one round of Germany or Florida.

33:55 Drew Don't worry.

33:57 Adam We dedicate the entire second hour to it.

33:59 Caller Aces Ranchero Countdown, no good.

34:01 You don't like that game.

34:03 Adam Here's the thing. You guys don't have ranchero music in England. That, that, reason enough to stay in England. It really is. We have the worst music ever over here. It's called ranchero music.

34:17 Caller I think there was a Simpsons where they had a song called Canyonero. Is that?

34:20 Drew No, no. Yes. I do make it about the car.

34:23 Keane Yeah, yeah.

34:23 Drew No, that was not ranchero music. This is Mexican music. That was Western music.

34:41 Adam And then pluck out its ears with a sharp pencil and when you do that, you have the ranchero music.

34:49 Keane Does it have banzos?

34:51 Adam No. No. You're right. That is a way to make it worse. I know they're always looking for a way to prove it. But I'm going to suggest banjos at the next meeting. Because yeah, I don't think it could get any worse. But the cornerstone of ranchero music is the accordion, very bad accordion. It is...

35:10 Drew It's not bad. It's actually incredibly skillful, but it sounds skillfully bad.

35:14 Adam And the point is, we play a random ranchero song. We come in the middle of it at the end, at the beginning, a random section of a random ranchero song. And we guess, how long before the accordion kicks in? So, Drew, you want to get started?

35:29 Drew One second.

35:30 Adam One second, Drew says, before we hear accordion. You can go immediate. Sometimes we come in and it's just going. All right, Tom.

35:37 Caller Well, I have no idea, but this is a shot on the dot for four seconds.

35:40 Drew Four seconds.

35:42 Adam That's very solid. That's very solid, Tim.

35:44 Keane Nine.

35:46 Drew That's bold.

35:46 Adam Bold. Yeah.

35:47 Keane Adam?

35:48 Adam How kind of sending are we, though? Three seconds. Oh, my goodness.

35:52 Caller Oh, that was so good.

35:55 Adam Have you played before?

35:56 Drew Nice shot. Well done.

35:58 All right.

36:00 Adam Let's see.

36:00 We got four.

36:01 Adam We got nine. It's tough. I'm thinking, do I go between one and four or four?

36:06 Drew It's either six or immediate. That's your bet.

36:10 Adam I can't take your hand, Astro. I'm going three. What do you think about that?

36:16 Drew All right.

36:16 Adam Now, we'll count you down. You ready, Michelle?

36:36 Drew Well done.

36:37 Adam Well done.

36:38 Drew Well done, Tim.

36:39 Adam Have you played?

36:40 Keane I've been practicing.

36:43 Adam I mean, that's not an accident. You know, just, you know, just strolling off the plane and come within, well, we say a second, it's probably tenths of a second.

37:12 Drew Yes, yes.

37:14 Adam OK, let me let me set the scene. I've been I've been rebuilding doing a major remodel on a house for going on about month 19. Every morning I wake up to the sounds of ranchero music with me and my Hispanic brethren packed into the garage doing their thing. I usually come down in a horrible mood because I go to bed at two thirty and I wake up at eight fifteen and this music is blaring. Here's what here's what the conversation sounds like every morning. You got it.

38:03 Caller That's what it sounds like every single morning of the house. When that stuff is playing before you've had your coffee, and you're already in a bad mood, and you're trying to explain.

38:12 Adam And by the way, there's no thinking that can go on with that music being played. I say, you know, we do that. There's a lot of psychological warfare and stuff that goes on when we do battle. We start pumping in ranchero music. The enemy becomes disoriented. No, no, just ranchero music. That's all we need, Drew.

38:30 Drew I'm just saying, I just realized that ranchero not only makes me think of New England in the winter, but a nice blustery day in London, too.

38:37 Adam Yeah, I've seen the fog rolling in.

38:40 Drew Outside the Hyde Park there.

38:41 Adam Big band in the background.

38:43 Caller I just hear playing in the background.

39:01 Adam This is the music you hear behind that. Yeah, Drew, you paint in it.

39:05 Caller All right, turn it down.

39:08 Adam That is Ace's Rancher recording Countdown. And Tim, less than a second off. And you know, we stopped it at eight. But really, it could have been eight and a half, could have been nine. You could have been dead nuts on.

39:19 Keane Well, what can I say?

39:21 Adam Well, I really don't say anything.

39:23 Keane I don't say anything, just really sit back and enjoy.

39:25 Adam Just take it in, enjoy this moment. Because there will be other rounds, my friend. We will have our day. And I guarantee we will be back. Yes, we will have our day.

39:32 Keane Do you think that was like a super experimental Ranchero track? That was like a sort of...

39:36 Adam Oh, yeah, like that was a cutting edge Ranchero song.

39:40 Keane I'll tell you what, we're not going to have accordion for eight seconds. It's sort of deathly silence in the studio.

39:47 Caller The guy was just taking a break because he just did a four minute jam and he was just pouring a little water on the accordion, cooling it off.

39:56 Adam That's what the eight seconds were. We came in right at the end of it. Basically, the green grass and high tides, free flowing jam. The song's too old for everybody. All right, we'll take a little break. Keane in studio tonight. We'll be right back after this. Hey everybody, Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-E-191. Tim and Tom here. Both tonight from the band.

40:45 Drew Stop chewing, I'm done, I'm good. By the way, the Abba Zabba Company should be, or the Annabelle Candy Company, who makes Abba Zabba, should be like...

40:53 Adam They should be bigger than they are?

40:54 Drew No, they should be raining this candy down upon us for the amount of mentions you've done for them.

40:59 Adam Wow, well, you brought it up. Abba Zabba, by the way, is delightful. It's taffy with like sweet peanut butter inside of it. It seems like a bizarre mix, but man, does it work. You guys have Abba Zabba's in England?

41:12 Drew No, I don't think so. Look at the crazy labels. It says the Yellow Cab Company should also be making this up.

41:19 Caller We have a very different selection of chocolate.

41:21 Adam What, yeah, what do you have? What's different?

41:24 Keane Everything is made by Cadbury's.

41:27 Caller I mean, the chocolate in Britain is, to be honest, is absolutely fantastic compared to anywhere else in the world.

41:32 Adam Is there anything, well, you've not been to Mexico, my friend. They make a wonderful candy. It's blocks of sugar carved in the shape of a cactus with a guy napping on his lips. You've not had brown, raw sugar in pure form sitting out. OK. And what do you have? What's here? What do you have here that, you know, In-N-Out burgers, Hershey bars, is there anything you like here? We can give you some tips.

42:00 Caller Yeah, no, I quite like In-N-Out burger because the trouble in Britain is that nowhere does a good burger really.

42:05 Keane You've read Tommy's? Tommy's?

42:08 Adam You can do Tommy's, you can do Fat Burger out here. You guys eat burgers? You like burgers?

42:13 Keane Oh, yes.

42:13 Adam All right, do yourself a Fat Burger favor and get some of that tomorrow.

42:18 Drew Tommy's?

42:18 Adam Yeah, Tommy's is good. You like chili?

42:21 Caller Yeah, I'm a big fan of chili.

42:22 Drew Tommy's.

42:23 Caller Yeah, all right, well, it's a deal.

42:25 Adam Yeah, I'm going to steer them toward the Fat Burger.

42:27 Drew I'm saying Tommy's.

42:29 Caller We're in San Francisco tomorrow.

42:31 Adam Oh, really? The Fat Burger is probably up there. I don't know if they have that out there. It's not known for its burgers. No, you get some Chinese and some Japanese. Put some in-and-outs up there. Get some Chinese up there. Yeah, they probably have an in-and-out up there. Yeah, all right. And what, do they have hot dogs in England?

42:51 Caller Yeah, it's not quite the same.

42:53 Keane We tend to do everything. We just copy America when it comes to that sort of thing, but we don't do it quite as well. So you get a pale imitation. I'll tell you what I really like over here is when you get milkshakes that are just sort of that lovely ice cream with lots of bits of cookie dough. Whereas in England, it's just like a glass of pink milk.

43:15 Drew Here, actually, they dispense out of an ice cream machine. It's just soft ice cream with a straw.

43:19 Keane It's just an excuse to eat lots of ice cream.

43:23 Adam Yeah, you have to actually suck your liver up in your mouth trying to get the thing out.

43:28 Drew They don't put ice in the drinks out there either, do they?

43:31 Adam Nope. No, it's just sort of Luke. I'm with that. Although I do like my beer cold, but maybe that's something I just got used to. All right, so you got the Cadbury. We got the In-N-Out Burger. Here we go. All right, ready to do it. Here we go.

43:45 Drew Break it down.

43:46 Adam All right, I don't want to talk to you.

43:47 Drew Well, then pick one, then.

43:49 Adam I'm going to talk to you about Abby over here. Abby? Hey, Seventeen, what's up?

43:58 I love your show and I've been listening to it since I was 14. And you were so good on the Man Show. The new Man Show was crap. I'm so glad they canceled it.

44:07 Adam Thank you.

44:08 Yeah, you and Jimmy were awesome. And Dr. Drew, you're awesome, too.

44:12 Drew Thanks, Abby.

44:13 Adam All right. Yeah. Go ahead, Abby.

44:17 Okay, there's this guy, and I've known him since I was in grade school. I've known him since probably, well, kindergarten. And we've never really noticed each other that much, but we were always kind of like, we always like talked on the playground and stuff and hung out all the way through middle school. And now I don't go to his high school. I'm going to go to a school in Guthrie. I'm going to go to Job Corps.

44:47 Caller No, Job Corps. Hold on.

44:49 Adam Let me explain something. Job Corps is...

44:53 Drew American for...

44:54 Adam It's sort of prison. It's basically, it's what we do with screwed up kids who we don't want to send to juvenile.

45:02 Drew Well, it's the alternative to the military basically.

45:04 Adam Yeah. Yeah, but there's a little more of you screwed up too many times. You know what I'm saying?

45:11 Drew All right.

45:11 Keane Boar stool. We killed an animal.

45:13 Adam What do you call it?

45:14 Keane Boar stool. I don't know why.

45:17 Adam I'd rather go do the Job Corps than the boar stool thing. Abby? What happened? What did you do? Get busted for drugs or something?

45:26 No. No, no, it's nothing like that.

45:28 Adam How did you end up with Job Corps?

45:31 Well, see, when I was 13, I moved to Norman and I... There was this guy here, my first boyfriend, and he was kind of stalking me. And I just... That's not the question I wanted to ask you anyways, but he was stalking me and I had to move to Norman and I...

45:53 Adam Just get to the part where you stabbed a teacher.

45:58 Would you please? I got in with the wrong crowd.

46:02 Drew We got it.

46:03 Adam And they got in with the wrong crowd too.

46:05 I turned into a little goth chick, so...

46:07 Adam Yeah, all right.

46:08 Drew So what's going on now? What's the question?

46:09 Adam It's a juvenile delinquency with no real rap sheet. It's just they need to be straightened out.

46:13 Drew What's the question? What is the question?

46:15 Adam We give them a rake and we send them to the hills.

46:16 Drew What's the question?

46:17 Oh, and Germany rules. I'm German and Italian.

46:20 Drew Five seconds.

46:21 Adam Hold on.

46:21 Drew Hold on.

46:23 Adam I like when people get real... They get real pompous about their culture. I'm German and Italian. I'm not graduating high school and I'll be chained to a Mexican chick and we'll be cutting a fire trail. But I'm German and Italian.

46:37 Drew Proud of it.

46:37 Adam Proud of it. Yeah. You may be.

46:39 Caller I don't think they are.

46:41 Caller Ranchero is the soundtrack of my life.

46:44 Keane I like rubbing myself against birds.

46:46 Adam Abby is... We'll get to Abby. Abby's had a tough life, hence the job Corkeane and in studio tonight. We've got to take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

47:15 Keane 947-FM is KNRK.

47:50 Adam That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Tim and Tom here tonight. Oh, everyone should just have those one syllable names that start with the same letter.

48:00 Drew Spelled right.

48:01 Adam So much easier. Tim and Tom in here from Keane. Barely any syllables. I mean, three guys, I mean, two names in a band, and only like three syllables, right?

48:10 Drew No guitars.

48:11 Adam And no guitars. Traveling light. We'll hear something else from Keane. Hopes and Fears is the name of the CD. And then what's their next one gonna be called? Next CD?

48:24 Caller Seminole Vesicles, is that right?

48:26 Drew Tim and Tom.

48:27 Adam No, no, I was thinking of the Seminole Vesicles. Yeah, yeah, Seminole Vesicles, yeah.

48:32 Caller Maybe we could do a twist on it, and call it Seminole Vehicles.

48:35 Adam Yeah, something, Seminole Strong. And people will respect it, and they'll think they'll do that thing where they're scared to ask what it means, but they'll nod their head a lot. And that's what you want as a band. All right, we got to get back to Abby. Abby is 16. She's 17, pardon me. She's calling from Oklahoma.

48:55 Drew Going to Job Corps.

48:55 Adam Going to Job Corps. 17 today.

48:59 Drew Happy birthday.

49:00 Adam And going to Job Corps. When are you leaving for Job Corps? Okay.

49:10 Drew Seriously? Wow.

49:13 Adam Here's basically, here's basically when you have a kid, here's what you, here's the list that first you got, you got college at the top and then below it, you have the service, you have Navy, and then Junior College and then Job Corps. And then, no, actually, Junior College, Jail, then Job Corps. No, no, no. Gay Porn, Junior College, yeah, then Job Corps. Right, right. Then DJ, how dare you, sir? So you're leaving to do that, and it says here that you had sex with a buddy who's going into the Navy?

49:51 Caller Yeah.

49:51 Adam And he's engaged?

49:53 Caller He didn't tell me he was engaged.

49:56 Drew What?

49:56 Adam I found out.

49:57 Caller After.

49:59 Drew After the event? Yeah. What's the question about this? What's the question, Abby? What's your question?

50:07 Caller My question is, he says that he wants to get the ring back from her and give it to me. He wants to be with me and he wants to...

50:25 Drew Well, when's he leaving and then...

50:28 Adam Are you supposed to get a new ring, by the way?

50:31 Caller The messed up thing is that before he gets the ring back, he wants to decide if he still wants to be with me by doing it again.

50:41 Drew Oh, yeah, this guy's all clout.

50:44 Adam I got the same policy, too, by the way.

50:46 Drew And by the way, when is he shipping out?

50:49 Caller As soon as he graduates.

50:51 Drew Oh, okay, well, I see, I see.

50:53 Adam Well, let me check my senior chart here. It should be June 13th. Let me check the last name. I believe he spells that with a K. Yeah, June 17th, 2005, Drew, at about noon. Well, I have my chart. It doesn't break it down to the minutes between noon and 1.

51:09 Drew Who'd be shipping out?

51:10 Adam That's a Tuesday.

51:11 Drew All right, good. Nice avertiment. So clear for us.

51:14 Adam Okay, fantastic. All right, thanks for being so specific, Abby.

51:19 Drew And you're leaving tomorrow for Job Corps. How are you going to maintain it? Are you staying home while you work at Job Corps?

51:24 Adam No, you can't.

51:25 Drew No, you go away.

51:27 Caller I'm going to live there in a dorm. My mom made sure he was on the visiting list because my mom loves him so much and says we've known each other for so long. And he pronounced his love for me at a school carnival when I was 12.

51:48 Adam Hold on a second, Abby, first off, your mother is not the world's keenest judge of character. Let's just look at your dad and use him as an example.

52:01 Caller There you go. Where's he?

52:04 Adam Bad guy? Yeah, guess who picked him out? Your mom. Yeah. Alright, so she's 0 for 1, possibly 2 if you want to work the stepdad into the equation.

52:13 Drew So we already don't...

52:15 Caller They've been married for 25 years.

52:17 Drew Well, your dad is still in the picture.

52:18 Adam Really? Alcoholic?

52:20 Caller No, they don't drink.

52:23 Adam What's he do? Oh, he just does the heroin?

52:25 Caller No, he doesn't do any drugs.

52:27 Adam No drugs?

52:28 Caller He's a military brat.

52:30 Drew You a Mormon?

52:31 Caller Am I a Mormon?

52:32 Adam No. Drew, what happened that you're going into the Job Corps though? Your parents are still together? What's wrong with your dad?

52:40 Caller Wrong crowd.

52:40 Adam Something wrong with your dad?

52:43 Caller My parents are just... they just don't want me home anymore.

52:49 Adam My parents didn't want me home either, but they couldn't send me to Job Corps. And I was...

52:53 Caller you're 17. They told me yesterday, you're 17 tomorrow, and we've been getting you enrolled without you knowing, and you're enrolled now and you're going. And I'm like, well, what if that's not what I want to do?

53:08 Adam I'm going to do that with my dad now. You're 71. I've been putting this off as long as I can, but I can't ignore it anymore, old man. I've got to get your ass off the sofa before. Because pretty soon you're not going to be able to swing that pick. I've got to get you out there clearing that fire trail. All right. Abby's sort of super white trashy, but lucid. Parents got some energy.

53:32 Drew Trying to help her, it sounds like. But all you've got to do is not sleep with this guy again, and you'll see if he's really into it.

53:38 Adam Yeah, no sleeping with him, and plus, he's going to ship out. You know, you're going to meet tons and tons of eligible felons in Job Corps. You're not going to want to be tied up. Believe you me, you're going to meet these guys with the teardrop tattoos. I mean, the list goes on and on.

53:55 Caller All right.

53:57 Adam All right. And you're staying in it. You're staying like bunks over there, like in dorms?

54:02 Caller No, they're dorms. They're like college dorms.

54:09 Adam There's some hot sex that goes on at those things. And you know why? Because these are, you know, here's what you have. Here's what you normally have. You either have the studious types who go off to college and live in a dorm, in which case there's some good sex going on, but just not that much because they're the nerds and the geeks and the whatever. You get Job Corps, you got the salt of the earth and they're in a dorm. You know what I mean? I mean, you got kids.

54:35 Drew They're all in a closed space.

54:36 Adam The average loss of virginity, 11 years, two and a half months, and now they're all in the dorm. I mean, they're like at 17, they're seasoned sexual veterans. There's nothing but debauchery going on. Have you ever toured one of them? You open the door, tidal wave of semen wash you down the road.

54:56 Caller Wow.

54:56 Adam That's what happened to my hair. Yeah. Tidal wave, Drew.

55:01 Caller Pow.

55:02 Adam I will open it and step aside.

55:04 Drew I just thought it was towel you always use. It has this dried semen.

55:07 Adam No. It's not dried. Oh. Who said it was dry? Yeah. Well, it's only dried during a couple of months out of the summer. It's semen fire season. Oh yes. It burns like napalm.

55:18 Caller You don't want to know.

55:19 Drew I don't want to know.

55:20 Adam No, you don't want to know. As a doctor, you think, you know, no, you don't want to know.

55:25 Caller You can't handle it.

55:27 Adam All right. Abby, don't have sex with a guy.

55:29 Drew If he's into you, he'll be around and if he's into you, even when you're not having sex, that says something.

55:34 Adam I'm not done. I can't get over Job Corps yet. I want to know what she's going to be doing there. Abby, what are you going to be doing? What's your training going to be at Job Corps?

55:42 Caller You're going to make fun of me and you're going to go into a whole other...

55:45 Drew You might as well activate it, Abby.

55:47 Adam That's exactly why I'm coming back to you.

55:49 Caller So go ahead.

55:50 Caller It's culinary arts.

55:52 Adam Oh.

55:52 Caller Well, that's not bad.

55:53 Adam That doesn't involve a shovel or anything.

55:55 Drew Job Corps doing culinary arts. That sounds weird.

55:57 Adam Let me explain culinary arts. You got the chip beef. This is the toast. You take the ladle. There you go. You got that, sweetie pea. And put the hairnet on. Let's go.

56:13 Caller That's culinary arts.

56:15 Adam It's like, you know, sanitation director.

56:18 Caller It's garbage.

56:18 Drew It's institutional culinary arts.

56:19 Caller Right.

56:20 Adam Abby? So you're going to be learning to cook?

56:22 Caller Yeah.

56:22 Adam I already know how to cook.

56:30 Caller I'm going to be a cook. I'm going to be a cook. I'm going to be a cook.

56:36 Adam Oh, that was the subtext, but she didn't actually say that.

56:39 Caller No, she said it.

56:40 Adam Really? We'll never have to see you again.

56:42 Drew Those are her words.

56:43 Caller Yeah.

56:45 Drew We'll never have to see you again.

56:48 Keane They sound really nice.

56:49 Drew No.

56:50 Adam Yeah. They may have been thinking that, but she didn't say it.

56:53 Caller Oh no, she said it. Why?

56:55 Adam Why would your own mom hate you so much?

56:58 Caller Oh, my parents just hate me so much. I'm not adopted. I am their child.

57:04 Adam Well, why are you so angry with the whole goth thing and everything? What's going on?

57:09 Caller With the whole goth thing?

57:10 Adam Yeah. You said you were a goth before. Yeah. That's when you're angry, dressing black.

57:16 Caller I don't dress in black anymore. I'm actually, I'm very, I don't know. I have my own style. It's not…

57:22 Drew What was the anger all about, Abby? That's what we're asking. Who were you angry at?

57:25 Caller That, the anger, it's just, it wasn't really anger. I just had no self-esteem.

57:32 Adam All right. Well, you're not going to get any by having sex with this sailor.

57:37 Caller This guy that I'm talking about, he says he also wants to sleep with me again because he wants me to have his kid. And I'm not ready for that.

57:46 Drew Thank you. Thank you.

57:47 Adam Here's my plan.

57:47 Drew You've said this all.

57:48 Adam He goes to Iraq, takes some friendly fire, and we bury him at 18. That's my plan. That's my plan for him. And you go off and cook yourself into a beautiful gig like the Ritz-Carlton out here in sunny California. And you don't have a kid. Your first kid, you're 28 years old.

58:06 Drew And you rid yourself of those awful parents.

58:08 Adam That's right. All right. Oh, Drew, it's going to be great when your daughter starts hating you. I already set the clock. You had about two years.

58:16 Drew I think it's going to be towards my wife.

58:18 Adam She's going to hate your wife. No. She's going to hate your wife. Your wife is going to start hating about eight months.

58:22 Drew She's going to only hate me when I don't let her do things.

58:23 Adam She'll turn on you when you don't side with her about what goes on with the wife. That'll be in about two years.

58:30 Drew Oh, no. That's already started.

58:32 Adam My sister hated my dad, my mom, my stepdad, like the neighbor's dad. She had every dad on the street. She had enough dad hate to go around. You know what guys do? Guys they play popcorn or football or baseball, little league baseball for a few years. They discover masturbating by 13 and that's it. They never want to see again. They're locked in the room. They've got a computer in there, VCR. They're done. They're done. You never have to see them again. Women, they just, they just seethe. They just, this hatred, can't stand their parents. What is that? They end up loving them later on in life, but you have a good 10 years where they can't stand you. You're embarrassing, they're angry, you're not doing enough. What is that, Drew? What's up with women? Give Pops a break. Alright, where are we going?

59:23 Drew Yeah.

59:25 Adam We want to hear another Keane song, too.

59:27 Drew We can take a call and hear another Keane song.

59:29 Adam Well, maybe Keane wants to hear a Keane song. Does Keane want to hear a Keane song? Yeah, why not? Yeah, why not? See that, Drew?

59:36 Drew How about that?

59:37 Adam I can tell the band's posture when they're looking to hear some of their own music.

59:40 Drew How about if this is the last time?

59:41 Caller Yeah, that's a good one. There's no planning on playing that one.

59:46 Adam I thought we were doing a who's on first kind of bit here. This is... Oh, well, we got to let Michelle cue up, yes? Cue is different here. Cue means get ready in the CD as opposed to form a line. Yeah. Although I do... That is one good English thing, the cue... Forming the cue. Forming the cue. The cue forming at the laughter, whatever it is. The cue is much better than the line. Are you ready to rock? Yeah, a little something from Keane. This is the last time. Yeah, everybody, a little band called Keane. Tim and Tom, here tonight. They're going to be playing another good song from Keane. Fantastic music, beautiful piano playing, Tim. The, gotta be smart. Can't play the piano unless you're smart. You gotta be smart or retarded.

1:03:59 Caller There's no in between.

1:04:00 Adam There's no average, intelligent guy who plays wonderful piano. He's either, it's a savant, he's all cringles and mangled, or he's just a smart guy. And I'm guessing Tim is smart. Yes, Tim?

1:04:10 Keane Retarded. No. He's smart. I like to think so, but maybe I'm delusional as well.

1:04:17 Adam No, that's a big word. You couldn't come up with that if you weren't a genius. They're gonna be, Keane's gonna be at the Acoustic Christmas put on by the Mother Station over here, K-Rock. Drew and I will be there. Be prepared to run into Drew and him not to remember you, by the way.

1:04:30 Drew I'll remember your names.

1:04:32 Adam I just, well, but you got Tim and Tom.

1:04:34 Drew I know.

1:04:34 Caller We changed them to be memorable.

1:04:36 Drew That is so pathetic.

1:04:37 Adam You know what we need? You know what we're going to need, Drew? We just, this ends up happening all the time. You go to these things. We talk to every band over the course of the year. And then we see them all at the show. And then you get a little drunk and you know, they blindside you. It's one thing when you spot somebody first and your mind can focus a little. And you can go, that's that, okay, that's Blink 182, that's Tom, that's Tom from Blink. But it's another thing when they tap you on the shoulder and you turn around and then you feel like an a-hole because they're rock stars. So you're supposed to know that people wait in line after the show to get their autographs. You're supposed to know their name. Drew, here's what I suggest. In American football, we have these little quarterbacks where they say cheat sheets. There are these things, there's wristbands. They got all the plays, they got all the stuff lying there. Like you could have a little sign, it could just be K. I don't know if that would do.

1:05:25 Drew I need a little picture of them too.

1:05:27 Adam Oh, okay.

1:05:29 Drew Here's what Ann ought to give us a little sort of bibliography, a photo bibliography of the people we've seen the last two years. So I could study it before I go to the show.

1:05:36 Adam Yeah, yeah, like you'd study that.

1:05:38 Drew I'd at least review it. It's embarrassing enough, I would.

1:05:40 Adam Really? You know what you do? You just pretend you're really high, like I do. I actually, now hold on, let me clean that up. You don't pretend. You get really high and you're like, dude, I'm so effed up. And then they don't take anything personally. And then by the way, you can like, you know, you can do anything you want to them. You know what I mean? It's all under the umbrella of being effed up.

1:05:59 Drew It's no big deal.

1:06:00 Adam It is. It's a little embarrassing.

1:06:02 Caller It's still gonna be a big deal.

1:06:04 Adam Yeah, but they don't, they don't hold it against you. Monica? Yeah, what's up?

1:06:11 Caller Hey, yeah, I was just wondering, I just recently started taking the, well, using the patch, the new birth control. And I'm just wondering how effective it is because I've been starting my period like two or three weeks into like the patches.

1:06:30 Drew That's just mid-cycle bleeding. That doesn't mean anything. That has no implications in terms of its effectiveness.

1:06:35 Adam Mm-hmm.

1:06:38 Drew Yes. No, it's very effective.

1:06:42 Adam What about the testosterone patch I've been hearing about for the ladies? Jump start the libido.

1:06:48 Drew Yeah, it's really for menopausal and that kind of thing.

1:06:50 Adam Oh, it is.

1:06:50 Drew Or after pregnancy sometimes they use it. There's a lot of changes in terms of the circulating levels of sex hormones. There's something called sex hormone binding lobulin, which is a protein that binds testosterone.

1:07:01 Adam I've got some of that in my hamper.

1:07:03 Drew Yeah, oh, you got lots. Well, your hamper is a sex hormone binding globulin.

1:07:07 Adam Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying, yeah.

1:07:08 Drew Or globule in your case.

1:07:09 Adam It's a wicker binding globulin.

1:07:13 Drew And it's a very complicated biology, but they think that in some cases using testosterone can help. Some women it shuts them down sexually. Testosterone.

1:07:21 Adam What about, what do you think the effect, and I don't know what's going on in the UK with all, here we got the Viagra and the Cialis, and we were going nuts with all this sort of stuff. And before it just used to be Dr. Dong's Wang Hardner, you know, and he'd buy the back of a magazine. Yeah, they'd say, you just, you just, you dip some yarn into this, you can drive it through a two by four. And it was like this sort of hocus pocus nonsense, Spanish flying, all that. But now it's legitimate. I mean, they advertise it during prime time, during sporting events, you have recognizable names that are spokespeople for. I mean, your kids are going to grow up in a world where there's a pills for any kind of sexual dysfunction. And even if there's not really classic dysfunction, maybe it's just not living up to your expectations. This stuff that now it's going over toward women. What does this mean? What's this going to do? And you guys have this in England, is it?

1:08:18 Caller I recently heard about some pill that boosts your memory, like you take it and well, they're trying that all the time.

1:08:25 Drew Well, you can change cognitive function a little bit in dementia patients, but it's not clear that you can do anything with normal people, not safely and not reproducibly.

1:08:34 Adam All right. Speaking of memory, let's not forget about the boner. What about this, Drew?

1:08:39 Drew Ask these guys.

1:08:40 Adam What about what? I just want to know what effect you think it will have on...

1:08:44 Drew You're asking a question similar to what people asked when the hormonal contraceptives came around. Oh, my God, we're giving the... First of all, we're using the entire female population. It's a guinea pig, and they're now not going to have children that's going to be taking these hormones, and what's it going to mean? Right. What's it meant? Less unwanted pregnancy, basically. It's going to mean more people with boners in the...

1:09:03 Adam Right. Okay, but you don't... First off, how dare you to turn my, what I consider poignant question into so much fluff?

1:09:13 Drew No, I agree with you. Actually the reality is that having the female population on hormones all these years could have had a giant effect on our society. It may have more of an effect than we know. A lot of our social situations could be affected or be the result of this.

1:09:28 Adam Yeah, I just feel like, I don't know that you can say, well, there's a pill that's going to help the one segment of society, meaning males with erectile difficulties. It's not long before the rest of society says, where's our pill? And then we say, well, you're healthy. And they go, eh.

1:09:45 Drew Oh, they're already doing that. We want to be better. Oh, believe me, they're doing that already.

1:09:50 Adam What do you got? You got any samples on you?

1:09:51 Drew Give me my score.

1:09:53 Adam Here's what I'm going to need. I'm going to need for the Christmas break, I'm going to need some ludes first off. You can get some of those ludes.

1:10:00 Drew I can't get it. I get you the ambient, which is constantly around.

1:10:02 Adam OK, get the ambient. Get the ambient. I'll give you some ludes. I'm going to need the patch to the.

1:10:08 Drew Testosterone patch?

1:10:09 Adam Testosterone patch. I'll give one to myself, one of my old ladies, to kickstart her. OK, and I'm going to need some of that Cialis in a gum form if they do that.

1:10:18 Drew Continuous Cialis.

1:10:19 Adam I just chew on it.

1:10:20 Drew Great idea.

1:10:21 Adam I need some of that.

1:10:22 Drew Cialis already lasts 72 hours, though.

1:10:24 Adam OK.

1:10:24 Drew Or 36 hours.

1:10:25 Adam All right. Well, why don't you give me a Viagra and a Cialis. What I'll do is.

1:10:29 Drew Levitra.

1:10:30 Adam Levitra. I'll stay on the Cialis and when I spike, I'll spike. I'll go with the Levitra.

1:10:35 Drew That's good for you.

1:10:36 Adam The patch. And I'm going to need the ludes for the ladies. Or roofies or whatever. You know, whatever you got. I just want to sort of. Wine coolers. I don't know what you have. I just want to basically. You know what I mean? It's just not not not be so uptight all the time. You know what I mean? Open your mind a little. Yeah, sure. Yeah. We'll take a little break. Keane here tonight. We'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline and Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Tim and Tom both here tonight from Keane. We will see them on the 11th at the K-Rock Acoustic Christmas. Looking forward to that. We got some more calls. There's some questions for the band also. More Germany or Florida, more Aces Ranchero recording countdown.

1:11:33 Drew Bring it home. These guys are too tough for us. I know we should try that again.

1:11:37 Adam Well, but Drew, what they don't know is that you're like a hustler. You let them win the first couple of rounds. They can't hear us.

1:11:48 Caller Okay, okay.

1:11:50 Adam The dude with the long hair hasn't heard me all night. Now listen, we let them win the first couple of rounds, then we suggest some stakes. You know what I mean? Just for fun, just to make it interesting, all right? We start small. We let them win a couple of rounds, too, and then at the end, we go for a big double or nothing, and pow, we clean out the tour bus, we get the equipment, we take the guy's Steinway, we get all of it. We get the piano, we get everything. Got it, got it, got it. Hey guys, want to play the Ace's According Countdown again?

1:12:26 Keane I think we should play for big money.

1:12:27 Drew Wait, what?

1:12:28 Adam What?

1:12:29 Caller No, we're not very good at it, no, we're not good at it.

1:12:35 Drew And we're not that kind of, those kind of guys.

1:12:38 Adam Yeah, we're not, we're not game.

1:12:39 Drew How much you want to bet?

1:12:40 Caller Drew's Mormon. Yeah.

1:12:42 Adam All right, let's play. And there's Germany Floor. All right, let's take a question for the band. All right. And then we'll play some According Countdown.

1:12:50 Drew Yeah, there you go.

1:12:52 Adam Can you answer this question, though? Lisa? 23?

1:12:59 Caller Hello.

1:13:00 I have a question for you guys.

1:13:02 Caller Do you feel like you've had to compromise anything to try to break it big here in the US.?

1:13:08 Keane I keep going to these crazy radio shows.

1:13:11 Caller Yeah.

1:13:12 Adam What about their dignity?

1:13:15 Caller We didn't have any of that in the first place, I know.

1:13:18 Keane No, we've not at all. We've done nothing, but we've been here touring a few times. We've just played loads and loads of shows and people have been so good to us whenever they hear the songs. People say sort of powerful, encouraging things about how songs have changed their lives and that sort of thing. So, no, not yet. We'd never want to do anything that would be too kind of compromising like that.

1:13:42 Caller I think if, I don't know whether this is true, but I would imagine that American people probably, the thing that they would like about a British band is the fact that they're very British and that they are kind of unique in their own thing. There'll be no point in us trying to set a compromise and try and make ourselves kind of more American just so we could fit in over here, because I don't think that would work.

1:14:02 Adam I don't even know if historically people, especially younger people, even know where people are from. I never even knew. I always thought Led Zeppelin was an American band when I was growing up, but I figured Paul Revere and the Raiders was an English band, and the list goes on and on. I mean, I don't know if you even know or even if you care. And when you sing, oftentimes it doesn't come across that Genesis is an English band or Phil Collins. You know what I'm saying?

1:14:30 Drew Absolutely.

1:14:31 Adam So you end up just picking. It's actually sort of a pure way of doing it because you don't know what color people are.

1:14:37 Caller You don't know what religion they are.

1:14:38 Adam You don't know where they come from. You just know they like the song. And that's a beautiful thing about music, Drew. Am I right?

1:14:44 Caller Yeah. Right on, sister. All right.

1:14:47 Adam So that's a nice message. That's a nice message I just sent there. Should we play a little...

1:14:53 Drew Germany or Florida?

1:14:54 Adam Germany or Florida? It's just according to the countdown. Let's... You guys know how the game is played now. That's my favorite. Andrew?

1:15:02 Caller Yeah.

1:15:03 Adam Hey, 21. What's going on?

1:15:05 Caller How's it going? I just wanted to say that I really love you guys. You're... We listen to you all the time up here in Canada and you're just awesome. So I'll get started.

1:15:13 Adam Thanks for listening. What do you hear us from in Canada?

1:15:17 Caller I listen online. We used to get you out of Buffalo, but they dropped you there, I guess.

1:15:23 Drew Thanks, Hother.

1:15:23 Adam Bitches.

1:15:24 Caller Pardon me? All right.

1:15:25 Adam All right. Great. I put a curse. I put a pox on the city of Buffalo.

1:15:29 Caller Yeah.

1:15:30 Adam May their heads grow in the ground like an onion. Yes, Drew? And what about their teeth?

1:15:34 Drew May their teeth fall out and hair grow in its place.

1:15:36 Caller That's right.

1:15:37 Adam Thank you.

1:15:38 Caller All right.

1:15:39 Adam Go ahead, Andrew.

1:15:40 Caller OK. The title is An Artist Wants to be Fed to Piranhas.

1:15:45 Drew Oh, we know this one.

1:15:46 Adam We know this one. You heard it? Yeah.

1:15:47 Caller Oh, Drat.

1:15:48 Adam Yeah, but let's keep going because I don't remember.

1:15:51 Caller Drat.

1:15:51 Caller That's a very easy one. Yeah, isn't it?

1:15:53 Drew Clever.

1:15:54 Caller All right.

1:15:56 Adam Yeah. Yeah, keep going.

1:15:57 Caller An artist has written to the country zoo to ask if they would feed his body to the piranhas once he's dead. A man who is 56 said he came up with the idea after hearing about another man who wanted to be fed to snails. He has justified the appeal by saying it could have educational purposes if, for example, it was done in front of a group of biology students. The zoo director said that even if he agreed, it probably wouldn't work. He said, it's a great idea, but if you want to carry it out for educational purposes, then it would probably be better if you were fed to the piranhas alive, as they're not as keen on dead flesh and prefer their food alive.

1:16:33 Adam All right, hold on a second there, Andrew. Now, I believe we did get this one last time.

1:16:40 Drew Although I don't remember where it was from.

1:16:43 Adam Oh, really? I don't remember. I just feel so strongly about it. I feel like we're... Florida.

1:16:49 Caller I think it's going to be Florida.

1:16:50 Adam Florida? Florida, Tim?

1:16:53 Drew But I think I took Florida last time was wrong, because what happened here.

1:16:56 Adam All right, Drew.

1:16:56 Drew But anyway.

1:16:57 Keane Okay, I don't know if we can believe you guys. You've probably...

1:16:59 Caller Which actually get piranhas in the zoo. That's interesting. So maybe that's something that's been lost in translation.

1:17:10 Drew That's what I said last time.

1:17:11 Keane I only go for Germany just for interest.

1:17:12 Adam Gentlemen, we have to agree on some... we don't have to agree on anything, I should say. We just have to make a decision. Tom...

1:17:18 Caller That's just a guy... I'll go Germany.

1:17:20 Adam Tom, Germany.

1:17:22 Keane I'm going to go for Germany as well.

1:17:23 Adam Germany? Drew?

1:17:24 Drew Florida.

1:17:25 Adam Florida? All right, I think it's Germany. It sounds... it always sounded German to me. Andrew?

1:17:32 Caller Yep.

1:17:33 Adam Germany or Florida?

1:17:34 Caller It's Germany, man.

1:17:35 Caller Yeah, Drew is that...

1:17:37 Adam All right, you got to sit the next one out then, Drew. That's how the game works.

1:17:43 Drew On the bench.

1:17:43 Adam Actually, you got to go home now.

1:17:45 Drew Oh, is that... that's a threat?

1:17:47 Caller All right, no.

1:17:49 Adam You got to go in the hall, pull your pants down, just walk in a circle, all right?

1:17:52 Caller That's better.

1:17:53 Drew You're right.

1:17:53 Adam Going home, that's no threat. That's like when I used to get suspended from school. Fantastic. When do we start? Let's see. Let's... I'm really going to give it to you this time, Corolla. Three days instead of two, great. Six day weekend. Here we go. Want to talk to this one? Yeah. Megan?

1:18:13 Yes.

1:18:14 Adam You're 23? What's up?

1:18:17 Caller Well, I've been seeing this guy for almost a year now. It has some very odd sexual tendencies and at least they're a bit odd to me. He's extremely promiscuous and I know that's kind of typically male, but I'm not sure if he might actually be gay.

1:18:36 Drew Well, now hold on a second, Megan, him being, if you're his girlfriend and he's into you, him being extremely promiscuous means he wants sex with you all the time. I understand. That's not being promiscuous.

1:18:50 Adam It isn't.

1:18:51 Drew No, that's being sort of disturbed.

1:18:53 Adam Well, I think most people think the definition of promiscuity is being with multiple people.

1:19:00 Drew You're right. It means multiple partners, but if you're in a committed relationship with somebody you care about, that promiscuity gets expressed as an homogamous direction.

1:19:08 Adam It's funneled into one vagina.

1:19:10 Drew Right. If he's still continuing to act out sexually with multiple people, that's a disturbance.

1:19:17 Caller What can cause that type of disturbance?

1:19:19 Drew Bipolar disorder, being a dude, being 24, being sexually abused, all kinds of... What's up with him?

1:19:26 Caller I'm really not sure. All I've ever really gotten from him about his past is that his dad was alcoholic and physically abusive, but he's never said sexually abusive.

1:19:35 Drew Well, physical abuse can do it sometimes, too. But the real issue here is what in the hell are you doing with this guy? Why do you put up with this?

1:19:40 Caller Yeah.

1:19:42 Caller I'm not sure. Well, actually, when we met, I kind of was at a point where I hadn't explored my own sexuality. And he was kind of the first man who could kind of take me over all my little hang-ups and that. But...

1:19:54 Drew That doesn't tell us anything. What is up with you? Why would you be with a guy that is so chaotic, so dangerous, so uncommitted?

1:20:03 Adam What were your hang-ups? What do you get you passed, by the way?

1:20:08 Caller Well, you guys always talk about parents, right? Yeah, my dad passed away when I was three and I was raised by, you know, my mom was very distant.

1:20:16 Caller But other than that...

1:20:19 Drew What kind of hang-ups did you have?

1:20:21 Caller Just being comfortable with my own, you know, my own response, my own body, my own desires, you know, that kind of thing.

1:20:30 Adam You read a lot of those crappy magazines, don't you?

1:20:32 Drew Right, I know. It's ridiculous.

1:20:33 Adam No guy ever talks about getting in touch with his sexuality and being comfortable in his body. I couldn't... I'd always have to have the light off before I'd be off, don't I mean that? That's not fair.

1:20:43 Drew As he watches the TV screen.

1:20:44 Adam Yeah. Actually, I'd help with the glare. Listen, Neverson gets a clear shot. Hey, Megan.

1:20:53 Drew Where did you learn that sex was bad and that you should be sort of walled off from that part of yourself, that you have to have some guy who completely sort of takes over in order for you to feel sexual? You mean somebody else took over at some time in your life and where you learned that you were sexualized in some way that made you feel bad and sort of did hold off that part of yourself?

1:21:17 Caller No, not really.

1:21:18 Adam No weirdo step dad, nothing?

1:21:21 Caller No, uh-uh.

1:21:23 Drew All right.

1:21:23 Adam So this guy is shepherded you past the, past whatever sexual roadblocks you had put up and now you can cut him loose. And he can go hump strangers and you can find a nice guy who wants to be a monogamous. Right.

1:21:37 Drew Plus you said you think he's gay.

1:21:39 Caller He has, he's very, very open and he's definitely a bit bisexual, but...

1:21:44 Drew Okay, Megan, stop with this open stuff. That's just a ruse. That's just a way of him getting by with his sexual acting out. That's a way of him sort of excusing his behaviors and sort of putting a book, a nice gloss on it.

1:21:58 Adam He wants to do stuff you don't want to do.

1:22:01 Drew Yeah, let him go do all that, but he shouldn't be in a relationship.

1:22:04 Adam All right.

1:22:05 Drew That's fine. He can do whatever he wants. That's fine.

1:22:07 Adam Unless that's what you want to do. Do you want to do that?

1:22:13 Drew Right. And nor do you want your boyfriend doing that either.

1:22:15 Caller Here's the thing.

1:22:17 Adam Oh, is the phone screwed up? Everybody takes the sort of being effed up and at least we do it out here. And then they just sort of cloak it in this. I'm not uptight.

1:22:27 Caller I'm free.

1:22:28 Adam I express myself physically. These are just abuse victims who just end up acting out when they get older. It sounds great. I know I sound like the man. I sound uptight. I'm an atheist. I don't really care what anyone does to each other. I really don't care. It's just let's just call it what it is. The guy gets physically abused, probably a little sexual abuse in there somewhere. He gets scrambled a little bit. Now he's acting out. It's not that he's such a free thinker. It's that he screwed up. And you get talked into this crap. This is what cults are, by the way. This is a bunch of guys just humping 10-year-old girls, you know? Oh, you got to come over. I know the way. I have the answers. Oh, take your pants off, please, by the way. Think about every cult. What is it, the heart of every cult is a 53-year-old guy banging a 14-year-old chick. That is the genesis of every cult. There's no 55-year-old woman cult where she just wants to... She's a woman in her 50s. She'd like other folks, like-minded folks, to hang out with her in her cult. It's always one guy, a guy somewhere between 46 and 55. And by the way, bring the daughter into the tent, too. I need to talk to her.

1:23:45 Drew By the way, Adam, you're heading into that prime age. It's not the time to start organizing things.

1:23:50 Adam This is what's called a segway. I'm looking for young people.

1:23:55 Drew We need the parents to recruit first.

1:23:57 Adam I get the folks in and they bring the young in and I get mom. They willfully give themselves to me and offer up their daughters as well. It's an honor.

1:24:08 Drew It's an honor to the spiritual awakening.

1:24:11 Adam It's an honor. All right. Then we all go up in a fiery mess. It's excellent. We blame the government. What's going on? We've got Aces According Countdown to play too, you know. No. Not enough time. Let me say something about Aces Ranchero According Countdown.

1:24:29 Caller Aces Ranchero Countdown? No good. You don't like that game?

1:24:33 Adam It's a fine...

1:24:34 Caller It's another fan.

1:24:36 Adam It's a fine wine. What we're going to do now is we're going to pop the cork on it.

1:24:40 Drew A little bit? We're going to let it breathe.

1:24:42 Adam And I may dump it into one of those crass things and let it breathe a little bit. And then when we come back...

1:24:48 Drew Decancing the According Countdown.

1:24:50 Adam I'll let you sniff the cork.

1:24:52 Drew No, no. I just put my nose right over the decanter.

1:24:54 Adam All right. I'll let you sniff my fingers. And then we'll be all ready to serve up. Delightful Vintage. We'll have it in about four minutes. Yes?

1:25:02 Keane Yes. All right.

1:25:03 Adam Keane here tonight. Take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody, it's the Loveline of Adam. That's Dr. Drew, and Keane is in the studio tonight. Hopes and Fears, name of the CD. It's an excellent CD. If you don't have it, go get it. All right, as promised, it's time to play a little Ace's Mexican Ranchero recording countdown. I think Tim won last with a astounding nine seconds, and it was about eight and change. He was probably not more than five or six tenths of a second off. Drew? Would you like to get things started this time around?

1:26:04 Drew I'll go immediate this time.

1:26:06 Adam Going immediate?

1:26:06 Caller Oh, you stole my thunder there.

1:26:08 Adam Wow. Tom, you're going to go immediate?

1:26:10 Caller Yeah, well, maybe I'll go for two seconds in that case.

1:26:14 Adam Two seconds. Tim is the one everyone's looking toward now. He's a reigning champion. I mean, he really controls the board. He controls the board. But I think younger Ace's Mexican Ranchero recording countdown players will look up to a guy like Tim and say, like, what does he do? Yeah. Study his moves.

1:26:32 Caller He's a grand champion. He's a master.

1:26:35 Adam There's a whole group of kids coming up wanting to know, what does Tim do? What's his move?

1:26:41 Caller Yeah.

1:26:42 Adam What do you think, Timmy?

1:26:43 Keane I think you guys are just behind the times. I'm going to go for 12.

1:26:50 Caller Wow. And did you see the confident look on his face?

1:26:54 Adam It's like he knows something we don't know.

1:26:56 Drew All right.

1:26:57 Adam Wow. Drew, that is bold predicting.

1:27:00 Drew It kind of scares me. So let's keep going. Let's move past it.

1:27:02 Adam Yeah, it's eerie.

1:27:04 Drew It's eerie. It's scary. Troubling.

1:27:06 Adam Okay. That's really, now I got a wide spectrum here. I'm going to go with the standard four. I'm going four. Perfect. Wait a minute. Controversy.

1:27:35 Yes, there's no doubt about that.

1:27:38 Adam Wow.

1:27:41 Drew This is rancher music I like.

1:27:43 Adam Yeah.

1:27:44 Caller This is just good old, old school. Come on.

1:27:51 Adam The young man sings that Tim's an idiot for thinking he could go 12 seconds without pounding on his accordion relentlessly. And now he's saying he can't stop and he wants someone to kill it. He says, I can't stop moving my fingers. If any of you have a shred of dignity and a 44, you'll put a bullet through my head so I can stop this incessant mad music. I can't take any more. Yes, now he sings how he's...

1:28:21 Drew How beautiful be when I'm dead.

1:28:22 Adam How beautiful it'll be when he's dead in a world without...

1:28:25 Caller Buried with his accordion.

1:28:30 Keane And now he's blaming his parents for giving him accordion on his ninth birthday.

1:28:36 Adam That's how you play Ace's Mexican Ranchero Accordion Countdown, Drew, The Immediate. On Tom's behalf, Tom, only a couple seconds off, Tom had a feeling about The Immediate. It seemed like he had it wrapped up, but that's why you play the game. That's why you play the game. Should I say it again?

1:28:58 Drew Well, the betting, just like the bridge, where the betting starts determines the game very much.

1:29:02 Adam Really does. It really does. It really does. It just does. Dr. Drew is right. You know, when he's right, he's right. He's just right. Yassi.

1:29:12 Caller Yassi.

1:29:15 Adam You're 17?

1:29:16 Caller Yes.

1:29:17 Adam You have a question for the band?

1:29:19 Caller Yes.

1:29:20 Adam All right, go ahead. Hello.

1:29:27 Caller Oh, I have a question for the band.

1:29:31 Caller I was wondering with all your recent success, like how are you coping with all these things these like women throwing themselves at you?

1:29:39 Caller We haven't seen any.

1:29:41 Adam Oh, really? Oh, they're coming.

1:29:44 Caller I don't believe that I've heard.

1:29:46 Drew You've heard?

1:29:47 Adam You've heard? What have you heard? Yes, you're 17.

1:29:50 Drew In Linwood.

1:29:51 Caller Yeah. No, it's because I go, I find out and stuff, but.

1:29:58 Caller Yes, I've seen a friend of mine threw her bra on the stage.

1:30:03 Keane Oh, really?

1:30:04 Adam What show? I'm not sure.

1:30:11 Keane Where? That was one of our shows in London, I guess. A few days ago.

1:30:15 Adam You have a friend that was in England throwing a bra at the band and you're calling from 17. You're calling from Linwood. Your name is Yessie. Her brother was Noah. Yessie and Noah. All right, are you coming out to the Acoustic Christmas?

1:30:33 Drew No.

1:30:33 Adam Yeah, no, Drew, you coming to make it this year?

1:30:35 Drew No. Yessie, I will.

1:30:37 Adam Yessie.

1:30:39 Caller Confusion reigns.

1:30:40 Adam Are you coming out to the Acoustic Christmas to see the band?

1:30:45 Caller I didn't get the tickets on time.

1:30:48 Adam Oh, all right. Are they all gone?

1:30:49 Drew They're all gone in three minutes.

1:30:51 Adam Are they all gone in three minutes? Yeah. It's a hot ticket. Yeah, everyone wants to see Keane. Well, yeah, how about it?

1:30:57 Caller Are they in now?

1:30:59 Adam Now, here's what I would do, if I was a single guy and I was in a band, I would just go to whatever country I was biggest in and do my fishing from that pond, you know what I mean? I mean, United States, fine, you know, maybe the band's not a household name here. And so you go to England and you get your pick of the litter. Am I right? Is that what you do? But here we do have marginally hotter chicks. I hate to say it. But you guys, here's the thing. Here's what I have to say about your hot chicks are super smoking hot because they're good-looking and they got the accent. But we have a larger group of hotter chicks.

1:31:33 Drew Pure numbers.

1:31:33 Caller We've got a larger country.

1:31:35 Adam Yeah, it's just all about numbers.

1:31:37 Drew Is there a European country that has particularly attractive women?

1:31:40 Keane Well, Holland.

1:31:41 Caller Sweden.

1:31:43 Keane Sweden.

1:31:44 Drew I heard chuckles of Archea, too, somebody said that.

1:31:45 Caller Yeah, it's Eastern Europe in that direction.

1:31:49 Keane Germany is actually surprisingly rich. Oh, really?

1:31:54 Adam Who's disappointing? Who can we make fun of?

1:31:57 Keane I found Finland a bit disappointing. I'm doing a great job, huh?

1:32:00 Adam I had a feeling about them. Are they Finnish? Yeah. I had a feeling. I had a feeling about those people, Drew, I really did.

1:32:09 Drew What other country? Any other ones?

1:32:10 Adam Who else is ugly?

1:32:14 Drew Reykjavik is not a... No.

1:32:16 Adam Not a good place.

1:32:17 Drew All right.

1:32:17 Adam So Iceland, Finland, we steer clear of that and head more toward Germany.

1:32:22 Caller To be honest, I think they're a good looking girls to be found in most countries that we've been to. But we don't really seem to come into contact with it that much. I think we're just... Just because, well, we have quiet private lives that we like to enjoy and live.

1:32:39 Adam But here, we like have a rich tradition of sluts trying to get on the bus, you know what I mean? Do they have that in these other countries?

1:32:46 Keane It's just a question of whether you encourage it or not. I think it's... You know, we obviously meet lots of people, some of whom are very kind of enthusiastic, but you just have to kind of treat people with respect, I think, because otherwise, if you get too deep into that whole mess, it always comes back to bite you, I think.

1:33:04 Adam Yeah, it's tough, after about 15 years, you get tired of it, you know?

1:33:09 Keane Well, you know, eventually, suddenly you'll get... You know, there's always... You know, I don't think the world is full of girls who just want to sort of have a one-night stand and then they're quite happy to see you walk off into the sunset, you know? A few weeks later, they'll suddenly be trying to call you up and want to know when they...

1:33:38 Adam It seems like you guys need a cool, cute name for herpes over in the UK. Just herpes. The clap, isn't it? Herpes.

1:33:45 Drew It's gonorrhea, usually.

1:33:46 Adam Yeah, it's gonorrhea. We gotta take a break. You guys come with a good name for herpes.

1:33:50 Drew Yeah.

1:33:50 Adam It's sort of the difference between bonnet and hood and galoshes and rubbers and things like that. Something works over there.

1:33:59 Keane We have cold sores as a kind of herpes, isn't it?

1:34:03 Adam I need something quaint. I need something quaint. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Ye olde herpes, yeah. We'll be right back after this.

1:34:13 Drew Alright guys, here's the deal.

1:34:14 Keane You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:34:17 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:34:19 Drew Call the Dateline.

1:34:20 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:34:26 Caller Love, 191.

1:34:45 Adam Well, that's the show. I want to thank Keane for coming in here, Tim and Tom more specifically, and being delightful, well-mannered.

1:34:54 Drew Enjoying the show.

1:34:56 Adam And I think, you know, trading off with, we got one win over here with the veterans, with the Aces Ranchero-Mexican Cornering Countdown. They took one back, you know, all in all, a good show. Did you guys enjoy yourselves?

1:35:07 Keane Everyone's a winner. You had a great time, yeah. It was great, thank you.

1:35:10 Adam Fantastic.

1:35:11 Keane We learned a lot as well.

1:35:12 Adam Cheers, cheers as well. Keane is going on. We'll see you guys on the 11th at the Acoustic Christmas. Hope and Fears, name of the CD. Go out, purchase it and enjoy it. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying Mahalo.

1:35:32 Caller Has been Loveline. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, December 1, 2004