Episode 1000661173780

5:33 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. That's Dr. Drew.

6:00 Adam Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Addiction Medicine Specialist, Tim Pagnata and Marco 72, both here tonight from Sugarcult. What's happening, fellas? Palm Trees and Powerlines is the name of the new CD. Sugarcult is going out on tour, is currently on tour with Green Day and Newfound Glory. Is that right?

6:24 Sugarcult That's right.

6:25 Adam And going out to Europe with our good old friends Blink 182. When do you go to Europe?

6:31 Sugarcult A couple days, I think. Just we get home and do a couple of loads of laundry for Thanksgiving and then split.

6:38 Sugarcult Exactly.

6:39 Adam How long are you in Europe for?

6:42 Sugarcult Three and a half weeks. Enough to catch a couple of STDs.

6:45 Is it?

6:49 Adam Is it? Well, I got Europe questions. I got Green Day questions, too. You know, I'll tell you, Green Day played, I know it's Sugarcult night, but Green Day played Jimmy Kimmel Live last night and the place was buzzing today about just how good they were live and how impressed everyone was. And I was always always said, is it the fans of Green Day before? Yeah, they went out on tour with them.

7:13 Sugarcult Totally. Yeah, absolutely.

7:15 Sugarcult They're a great band. They have so many songs. It's one of those. There was one of those bands where they, you know, they can play for like a couple of hours and you just know every single song in there.

7:24 Sugarcult Those guys play like close to two hours every night. And I've watched them almost every night of the tour, except for tonight, because we just jumped in a car after we played. And they're pretty incredible, man. That guy, that little dude, Billy Joe, he's about five foot seven. And he's got the whole 10,000 people in the palm of his hands for two hours.

7:43 Adam Yeah, he could really run for some sort of office, although I don't know what it would be because he wears too much eyeliner, and we're ready for that. But I mean, that is it. You know, I was thinking to myself, you know, Green Day, I like their songs. I like their albums, but you don't know them from many other bands. If you just listen to their albums, there should be some sort of number you get, some sort of ranking you get, like in boxing or something where people know you're the real deal in concert. I don't know how to do that. Do you know what I mean? There's there's a lot of people who before. And then and then it's right to Sugarcult, by the way. I'm not trying to say a Green Day Ask, Kiss a Thun. But to write that down, though, that could be good programming.

8:26 Drew No Green Day Ask, Kiss a Thun.

8:27 Adam Right. No, but yes. But the point is, is is a lot of people are like, yeah, Green Day, I'm OK. And then they see them and they're like, oh, wow, I love that band. And so there should be some sort of ranking. I don't know how you do it. Yeah, Foo Fighters, another one of those bands like, oh, they're good. Yeah, I like them. And then you see them and you go, wow, that's great.

8:43 Drew And Sugarcult is another one of those. And Sugarcult, do you know how they got their name, Adam?

8:48 Adam How they get their name, Drew?

8:49 Drew Guys, tell us. I was regaled with this story.

8:51 Adam Really? Usually bands don't want to give it up.

8:54 Sugarcult It's funny. There was there's a group of lesbian girls that lived across the hallway from me when I was 18. And I just moved out of my parents' house. And that was like the nickname that they went by.

9:03 Drew Did they call themselves that?

9:04 Sugarcult Yeah, kind of like this lesbian gang. They call themselves the Sugarcult. And that was kind of like the nickname.

9:10 Drew And are they angry that you've ripped off their name?

9:13 They have no choice.

9:16 Sugarcult And before you guys out there get too excited, they're not like the kind of lesbians you fantasize about. They're the kind of lesbians that we're going to hire for our bodyguard.

9:23 Drew That is generally true.

9:24 Adam The kind of lesbians you fantasize about aren't really lesbians. They're just sluts that are paid to perform on other women.

9:31 Drew Generally, all the sort of alternative sexual practice types aren't people that you see in the movies kind of thing.

9:37 Adam No, but who is? I mean, do you see Top Gun? You see what's her name? She was an expert in Russian ballistics, aircraft and stuff. Come on. People that do anything, they're smart or lesbians are always unattractive in real life. That's the way it is. Drew, you may be one of the best looking doctors in the world. The world. You know? I mean, you have it to green, you're easy on the eyes. You don't see that combination too often. You know the one good thing about living next to a lesbian cult, by the way? Well, the one thing that you pray for is that you get pulled into some sort of lesbian fracas. Yes. Oh, yeah. Where they dare and there's a one-up spaceship.

10:19 Drew They need a phallus to pray to or to have homage.

10:21 Adam No, it just means women once in a while will spin out a little if they get together. You know, they become like a city after they win a basketball championship. Once in a while, you can get them whipped up into a little frenzy. If they've had a few wine coolers, you get sucked in to the room. Anything like that ever happen?

10:40 Sugarcult Yeah, a couple things like that. Yeah, I remember one. It was really funny. It was the first time it ever happened to me, but I had like a girl over at my place and I was kind of on a date and she came in and totally swooped in and blocked me.

10:54 Adam They're lesbians.

10:56 Sugarcult Wow. It was pretty awesome.

10:58 Sugarcult There's been a sacrificial lamb in Sugarcult. Our old drummer, Ben, was the, let me just give it a go with a guy, guinea pig, with a lesbian girl that we knew and sent over.

11:10 Sugarcult Oh yeah, I forgot about that girl. That was funny.

11:13 Adam And now he's out of the band?

11:15 Because of the Riddikillers.

11:18 Drew But you were, of all the band members, you were the only one living across from the cult and you just remembered that name and thought, okay.

11:23 Sugarcult It was just this thing that stuck out and we needed, we were playing a show and we needed a band name and it was like the only thing that just kind of stood out.

11:30 Sugarcult Guns N Roses was already taken, so we had to go with it.

11:33 Adam All right, you ready? We're going to hear a song from Sugarcult. I'm going to take one call, hear a song, we're going to do. What's this guy's name?

11:41 Drew Jericho.

11:43 Adam Jericho? Jericho.

11:45 Hello.

11:46 Adam You're 26?

11:47 Caller Yes, 25.

11:48 Adam What's up? What's up?

11:50 Caller I'm calling in because I wanted to ask you guys. I had a, about four or five years ago, I had a piercing and it was a piercing that went vertical through the tip of my head, or my penis, and I was wondering if that could have affected my sensitivity. It's been removed now for about a year, and I noticed when I press on it that there is a large BB size, you know, something that's hard in there.

12:20 Drew You put a barbell through your penis, can it affect your sensitivity? Let's take the logic of this to an extreme.

12:26 Adam What if you got a shot in the groin?

12:28 Drew If you cut your penis off, would that affect sensitivity?

12:30 Adam I'm going with yeah, but that's not-

12:32 Drew Shot in the groin?

12:33 Adam Shot in the groin, sprinkler key, arrow, bench vise.

12:36 Drew Sprinkler key, probably affects it, yeah, and yes, if you take it down to maybe the size of a hair passing through, maybe it might not. Maybe it might not, but you got to understand, there are nerves in there that can be permanently damaged. This is a biological instrument.

12:50 Adam This one is behind the head, it's on the ball side of the head. What's going on with my life?

12:58 Caller It's actually going, you know.

13:01 Adam I was a carpenter, I had my dignity.

13:02 Caller One that's very common is the ring that goes through, it's called the Prince Albert, I think, and the one that I had gotten is, like I said, it's just from top to bottom, face of the urethra, and it was about, if I remember correctly, I think it was like a 14 gauge, which is not too big.

13:19 Drew Again, let's take the idea of taking a nail, hammering it right through.

13:22 Adam Why?

13:23 Caller Right, exactly.

13:24 Drew Exactly. Could that affect things?

13:26 Adam Jesus on the cross. Jericho, why did you take it out?

13:32 Caller I just thought that it could possibly get infected, and I know that it had been three years and it healed up pretty properly, but I just decided that I don't want to.

13:42 Adam Hold on, how was whizzing with that thing in? I could imagine it just being like wipe or spray.

13:47 Caller Yeah, actually when I did have it in, it kind of, yeah, I did have that problem of kind of spraying out there.

13:52 Adam I mean, like whoever came in behind you must have been like, did someone take a leak in a water balloon and just throw it into the bathroom, and there's nothing in the toilet. You know, did you have to hold it over the holes when you whizzed?

14:05 Caller Yeah, you know, it wasn't that big of a problem, but it did, you know, it did affect the flow.

14:10 Drew All right, what are the symptoms you're having now?

14:13 Caller You know, some of the things that I'm, you know, getting is, you know, while I'm having, you know, with a girl and, you know, we're kissing and whatnot, and I, you know, go down for oral, and I try to move back in the position for the kill, and, you know, I just go back flat and, you know.

14:30 Sugarcult Yeah, that happens to me sometimes.

14:32 Drew You lose your erection easily, is that what you're saying?

14:34 Caller Yeah, I lose my erection easily, and I don't know if that has anything to do with, you know, my scarring.

14:40 Drew Yes, I would say yes.

14:41 Adam By the way, it's a little bit of a slap in the face to the ladies when you head down to an oral junction with a nice boner and you come back and you're missing the boner.

14:52 Drew There's a little bit of a logic to that, but...

14:57 Adam I could explain it to anybody at that time, but it always...

15:00 Drew I think you did last night. You remember you had the choice between the churro and the avalone?

15:07 Adam Well, yeah, we were just talking... I mean, listen, I ain't no gay. I'll tell you that right now. But we were talking just sort of cosmically, cosmically, you know, we're arguing over oral sex performed on a man or oral sex performed on a woman. And I said, like, if you were just from another planet and someone basically said, look, you could you could suck on a churro or you could mash your face into an abalone. You're going every guy, every guy from Planet Smarty is going churro, right? Plus the cinnamon-y, sugary thing, it's delectable. I don't think it's fair to use the cinnamon. But just something shaped as, yeah.

15:47 Drew But abalone, right on.

15:50 Adam What's a taller order? You know, because women are all that, oh, please, what we have to do. Hello? I can't even hear. I can't even hear. At least you guys have your ears.

16:01 I can't even hear the TV.

16:03 Adam I can't hear anything down there. It could be an intruder in the house. I wouldn't know it until I felt the shotgun blast in my rear end. You know what I'm saying?

16:11 Drew At least you get a chance to stop.

16:13 Adam He died doing what he didn't mind. Well, is it what he loved? Not really.

16:21 Drew He didn't mind.

16:22 Adam He died doing what he tolerated. That's what they would say at the funeral. All right.

16:28 Drew Maybe a new game. What are we talking about?

16:33 Adam Where were we? Jericho. Oh, he loses his boner.

16:36 Drew Look, he's had a nail.

16:37 Adam He thinks it's because of the spike.

16:39 Drew I don't think it is.

16:41 Sugarcult I've always been curious, though, if you get the tip of your penis pierced and you have jewelry, if you're, doesn't it, like, I don't know, can you break condoms easier?

16:51 Drew Yes, you can. Really? You have to get special-enforced condoms.

16:53 Sugarcult Really? There's a certain kind, like, where would you get them?

16:56 Drew At the pierced condom.

16:57 Sugarcult I was wondering that.

16:58 Adam Sears has them, too, next to the G's.

17:00 Drew I gotta talk to the Trojan people. That's the line of business they had to come up with, and to reinforce condoms.

17:05 Adam Yeah. Mm-hmm. Hey, Jericho? Yes. All right. You're fine. How about you get with, where's he calling from? Elk Grove? Where the hell is Elk Grove? All right. Get yourself a girlfriend and work it out.

17:18 Caller All right. Last question. Can I ask you one last question? If there's anything medically that I can do to possibly help my sensitivity or remedy that at all?

17:29 Drew No. It's nerve damage. And nerves, once they're gone, are gone.

17:32 Adam But don't freak the kid out.

17:35 Sugarcult My guitar tech uses a wood putty when the screw comes out of my guitar strap on the thing. You might try that too.

17:42 Drew Here's the other good news, though. You won't be as sensitive on the other side. In other words, you can last a little longer perhaps.

17:47 Adam You've got a wood screw in your guitar strap and the screw strips out and pops out. Let me tell you what to do. Forget about the wood putty. He needs to take a little piece of a popsicle stick or a piece of wood, a toothpick or something, roll it in a little wood glue, wedge it in there nice and tight and break it off. Then once it's dry, you wedge a screw in there. It's got something to bite on. You know what I mean?

18:08 Sugarcult Dude, do you want to be my guitar tech for the Blink Tour?

18:10 Adam I could easily do it. I love the guitar tech gig because the guy comes out there and people think the concert's starting and once in a while they screw with them by playing a little riff or something and everyone gets excited and looks and then we see the guy with the ponytail and the fanny pack and it's like, ah, just another day off guitar tech screwing with everybody. Who is that guy, the guitar tech? He seems, he seems, you know what he seems like? He seems like a not too distant cousin of the guy who works at the Christmas tree lot. Mysterious, dicey, dangerous, a loner, travels about. Not the star of the show, but you need him. You know what I mean? Who is this man? Who is this mysterious guitar tech?

18:51 Sugarcult I know, but yeah, it's true, you know, and they get to say they're hanging with the band. Yeah. You get some mileage out of that.

18:57 Adam Who would you rather have your daughter date, Drew, the seasonal Christmas tree guy or the guitar tech?

19:03 Drew The seasonal Christmas tree guy. You know what's funny?

19:06 Sugarcult But that guy Moonlight says the pumpkin guy though, too.

19:11 Drew Really?

19:11 Sugarcult Yeah, it's interesting you say that because our old bus driver, because tour bus drivers are even more of a weird, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, all day, drives all night.

19:19 Adam They're running from the law. Those guys.

19:21 Sugarcult When he's not, he told me, he told me I live in Florida.

19:24 Drew Oh yeah.

19:24 Sugarcult Florida. And when they're not, I said, what do you do when you're not driving a Ben? Sure enough, they rent a semi, buy a bunch of Christmas trees and drive to like Dallas and then sell them and they make like 30 grand.

19:37 Adam I love the guys who it's like anything but take a job. I got a plan. Right. What do you do? I go to Nevada, buy cigarettes and don't charge the tax. Then I drive it back to California and I sell it's like, don't you want to get a job at a certain point? And they're like, I'm my own boss. You're driving a van covered with Bondo and spray paint down in Nevada at four in the morning. You're your own boss. The radio doesn't work. You know what I'm saying? All right, Drew, you would want your daughter dating the mysterious Dicey loaner Christmas tree guy rather than the guitar tech guy, who's also the pumpkin guy, the pumpkin guy.

20:12 Drew I imagine the pumpkin guy. I can go for the pumpkin guy.

20:14 Adam The pumpkin guy is a decent guy, but the Christmas tree guy lives in a trailer.

20:17 Drew No, the pumpkin guy.

20:18 Adam Drinks out of a flask, tries to size everyone up and then charges the tree, depending on what kind of SUV you're pulling. Like pulling with a Range Rover, it's 85, the Spruce is 85, so you pull up with an old van, it's 45.

20:30 Drew All right, all right.

20:31 Adam Yeah.

20:32 Drew Okay.

20:34 Adam You set her up with that guitar tech.

20:36 Drew But I'm still obsessing about Jericho. How is it that we can't understand the extra-genetalia, the penis, the phallus is an organ basically. It has a delicate biological function. You put a spike through your liver, through your kidney, you'd be surprised it didn't work right normally.

20:52 Adam Right.

20:53 Drew This is the same thing.

20:54 Adam Yeah.

20:54 Drew It's going to have problems when you put stuff through it, when you violate the actual anatomical integrity of the organ.

21:02 Adam It's a weird, it's a weird trend that I don't think anyone could have ever seen coming in the sense that like as a human being, your impulse is to keep things away from your eyes and keep things away from your dork. Those are the two things. Like I sleep on my stomach because I'm scared something's going to happen.

21:19 Drew Yeah, you've got your eyes and your dork are protected.

21:20 Adam I'm going to wake up without a churro. It's just going to be an abalone there. I'm just, I'm just frightened. You know, your first thing is like when they do those free kicks in soccer, where do they put their hands? You know what I mean? It's right over the, right over the junk. My first impulse is to protect the junk and all it takes is one, one catch in a zipper at nine to know you never want anything even remote with even close to a point going down to that.

21:44 Drew But I think that's, that's where we are in life where people are going after the most outrageous engagements, you know, we're going to, we're going to, I'm going to take care of this. I'll show you.

21:54 Adam We'll go for the eyes.

21:55 Drew Do you guys have gentle piercing?

21:56 Sugarcult No, no, I've always been terrified. Same thing. Like if, if, if any, if I notice any change in my wang, you know, I'm, I'm petrified that that it could be, you know, whatever.

22:07 Drew That's quite a quaint term. Yeah, you don't want to do that in a few years.

22:09 Adam Flesh eating virus or anything.

22:11 Drew No. That's right. You wish you can get.

22:13 Adam No.

22:14 Drew It's your song.

22:14 Adam No, no. Listen, I cover mine in foil. Actually, I shrink wrap it before I leave. I hit it with the gun. Hit it with the heat gun, shrink wrap it before I leave the house.

22:25 Sugarcult I wear a cup all the time.

22:26 Adam Yeah. Yeah. I got a Tupperware underpants. I got a belt fit after I go number two and then I hit the road. I can't understand putting anything down there. Let's hear a song. Shall we hear a song? Chris, you ready to rock, buddy? Cued up. First song. Name the album, by the way, Palm Trees and Power Lines, Sugarcult, name of the band. Name of the song, She's the Blade. Yeah! Very cold everybody. Good song. We'll hear another one in the 11 o'clock hour. What kind of music, Drew? Drew, you can talk every once in a while.

25:56 So yeah.

25:56 Adam All righty, buddy.

25:57 All right, Adam.

25:58 Drew Yeah, let's get some traffic and weather in. All right.

26:00 Adam What did we figure out? I was getting paid a syllable, and you were getting paid a syllable since we both could pay the same?

26:05 Drew What it was, it was like 80 to 1.

26:07 Adam Right. We figured out that I averaged about 60 cents a syllable on the show, and Drew got $3,300 a syllable. You know, it didn't make sense.

26:18 Drew And who's the dumb one?

26:21 Adam Smart enough to hit your team to my wagon. All right, everybody, what's going on? Hey, is Crank Yankers on tonight? Tuesday night, 10.30, Comedy Central, got to give my beloved Crank Yankers a plug and also Drawing Together tomorrow night. Big hit, that show. Big hit. All right, where are we?

26:41 Drew Taking calls. Taking a break, I guess, huh?

26:44 Adam Yeah, let's take a call. Talk to Kay. Also, I got to give out my cranberry recipe at some point.

26:49 Drew Oh, yeah, it's coming.

26:50 Adam Coming on, I think, I think tomorrow night. I made it tonight, though.

26:54 Drew Except a lot of people will not hear it before Thanksgiving.

26:56 Adam Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, okay, so I'll give my recipe for fresh cranberry sauce a little bit later on tonight. You're 25? All right, all right.

27:13 Drew Let's take a break.

27:15 Adam It's one cup of sugar. Zest of a whole lemon. Come on, people, you don't want me to talk, but then what's our alternative? You know what I'm saying? We got Kay. What's Kay's question?

27:28 Drew He's a lively S&M-er.

27:30 Adam Ah, Kay?

27:32 Yup, I'm here, Keno.

27:34 Adam You're into S&M?

27:35 Yup.

27:37 Adam Uh, sweet.

27:38 Yeah, Stokes.

27:40 All right, well, my question is this, Adam and Drew. Oh, by the way, first, Adam, I got a suggestion. A live performance top 20. I agree with you on that. Oh, yeah.

27:53 Adam Yeah, I'm telling you, no, no, seriously, rankings, bands would get rankings, and you'd know. And that way you could never be duped or you'd know, you know, or there'd be a band that you're like, I'm all right, them, oh, but they're number three, they must rock pretty good. And there's a lot of poser bands that sound kind of crappy in real life.

28:13 We should go see in concert.

28:15 Adam Thank you. I'm now labeling you a genius. I hated you 18 seconds ago, and now I'm in love. Go ahead.

28:22 Hey, no, I mean, how that me? I mean, I saw G-Unit in concert and they were a hell of a show, but you wouldn't know that, you know, beforehand.

28:30 Adam That's right. So you would give G-Unit like a top ten ranking?

28:33 Drew Speaking of not knowing something beforehand, I wouldn't pick as a K as an S&M guy. I would give G-Unit a good ranking.

28:39 Probably number two.

28:42 Adam What's happening there, K?

28:43 All right. Well, the problem is this, Adam. Basically, I'm in the S&M as the dominant role. However, I'm attracted to a female who is also, females who are also in a dominant role, but in a motherly way. But in my lifestyle, the only ones that are that way are mistresses. I can't seem to find a submissive within to the nurturing motherly type role.

29:06 Adam Dominant role in a motherly way means beat the crap out of you and then change your diaper.

29:11 Sugarcult What does that mean?

29:13 I'm not into the pain game when it comes to that. I'm more of the dominant, successful role.

29:19 Sugarcult Right, right.

29:20 Adam I understand you're on the business end of the whip, not the end, but where you should be, okay? But what is the dominant motherly thing, just for clarification?

29:31 Drew How would we know that when we saw it?

29:32 Adam Yeah, because I may be with one and not know it.

29:35 Basically, you know, a woman that wants to cuddle you, nurture you, kind of, you know, help, you know, in a way, kind of dominate you to some aspect, but you're, well, basically a woman who is willing to dominate you, kind of control you to an aspect during the daytime, but in the bedroom will bend over and take a good ass paddling.

29:57 Drew Awesome.

29:58 Adam Wait a minute, I may have found my match.

30:00 Sugarcult So that was great. I'm going to write a song based on that last line, the ass paddling.

30:09 Adam I always thought that she takes a good ass paddling.

30:12 Drew She dominates him. She's nurturing and physically intimate all day and is nurturing and then dominates him during the day and then bends over and takes an ass paddling at night.

30:22 Adam What about dom? What do you mean dom? He's nurturing and dominating?

30:26 Drew She's controlling and physically sort of nurturing during the day. What's bizarre about this and what this is symptomatic of is how people that have issues fragment things. They can't see the person as a whole, as a person who is sometimes fragmented. It's either it's fragments. She's got to be this way during the day and this way at night and she's ass paddling in the bedroom and she's controlling me in my daytime. That is not a human being.

30:52 Adam All right. Hold on a second, Drew. How dare you, by the way. These people are majestic creatures. Guys, 35 year old guys cramping in their own pants. I made a kiki, mommy, it's got to be rough, too, like the phone rings, mommy, I'm a brrring. Hello. Hi, Bert. Yeah, no, I'll get this. No, I should have the specs in now by Monday. Hold on. Sugarcult here tonight. We had a quick break. We'll get back with Kay. We'll get to the bottom of this after this.

31:27 Caller So get your problems ready. It's brought to you by the 2004 College Music Awards, presented by the US. Navy. Vote now on your cell phone. Text CMA to 75423, or go to thecollegemusicawards.com.

31:43 Adam Ninety-four-seven. Alternative Portland. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Sugarcult in studio tonight. Tim and Marco both here representing Palm Trees and Power Lines, the name of the CD. We'll hear something else off of that in the 11 o'clock hour. When we left off, we were speaking to Kay. And let me say this, I was skipping a rope tonight, as I often do with the sound day on watching the TV, listening to a little music on the iPod, going to my Zoom. Saw a little thing on the news, crisis in the Middle East. Is there something going on over there that I don't know about? Trouble in the Middle East, trouble in the Middle East, crisis in the Middle East, trouble in the Middle East, trouble in the Middle East, trouble in the Middle East.

32:50 Watch out for break lines.

32:51 Adam Trouble in the Middle East, who knew? I panicked. I got on the phone with everyone I knew. Trouble in that part of the country? I've never heard of such a thing. Part of the world. Part of the world, I should say, yeah. I can't believe it. I thought it was all just date palms and people fanning themselves by an oasis. Trouble, crisis, isn't it? Well, whatever it is.

33:09 Caller It'll pass, quickly.

33:10 Adam I'm sure it'll be worked out. What day is it? What day is it?

33:14 Drew Is it Tuesday?

33:16 Adam I can give an extra day for that. I don't know if they do a Thanksgiving thing over there. I'm gonna give them until Saturday. I was gonna say Friday, but I figure people's things slow down around the holidays for people to travel.

33:25 Drew You're right.

33:25 Adam That's Saturday. Should have the whole thing smoothed over?

33:28 Drew Perfect.

33:28 Adam Or do we got another 100 years to this? That's no problem.

33:33 Drew Hey, you guys are doing a tour supporting a hotline that we refer people to or have referred over the years. Suicide Prevention Line?

33:40 Sugarcult Yeah, it's Take Action.

33:41 Sugarcult We're doing that in February, February and March around the whole country and part of Canada.

33:47 Sugarcult Take Action is a tour that's been going on for a few years now and it's kind of raises awareness for teen suicide.

33:55 Drew It's a number we use.

33:56 Sugarcult Teen Suicide Prevention.

33:57 Drew We have not given out a long time. It's 1-800, interestingly enough, 1-800-SUICIDE, 1-800-784-2433. But actually it's one of the good ones.

34:05 Sugarcult It's a really good thing. It's actually, you know, teenagers who are available to talk to other teenagers who have problems about anything, not just suicide thoughts, but any problems they have that they don't want to talk to.

34:17 Adam I know it sounds trite, but don't kill yourself, not only for you, but really for your folks and like your friends and your kid sister and all these people that are freaked out.

34:27 Drew Because on one hand, their lives are ruined. No, you're absolutely right. On one hand, they want to impress upon other people their aggression, what you've done to me there for, I'll show you, I'll kill myself. But they really don't appreciate how devastating it is for everyone in their life. It really is just, just awful.

34:42 Sugarcult When I was a teenager, I actually talked a friend of mine out of committing suicide. It was one of the first big achievements I ever felt like I accomplished.

34:51 Adam He went on to kill John Lennon.

34:53 Sugarcult Yeah, that's true.

34:54 Adam But he still stands by the decision. Now it is, you know, I was thinking of that because What's His Name did try to kill himself. The guy killed John Lennon on a beach in Hawaii when he was younger, David Chapman or who? No, it was Reagan. Who the hell shot? Oh, come on, buddy.

35:10 But you got to have one in you.

35:12 Adam One in your baby. Just one. Just one. Like a retarded guy. The free throw line. Just one, baby.

35:17 Sugarcult When I want to ride her or something.

35:19 Adam Just just one. I'll I'll figure it out. Now I'm going to figure it out.

35:23 Drew That's good.

35:24 Adam It's gone. It was all when was it there boys, the guy who ended up ends up shooting Lenin is killing himself on a beach in Hawaii, sitting in his car at the recently image kid. No, like 20 years ago.

35:39 Drew Is he out? He's still in prison.

35:40 Adam No, no. So back before he kills.

35:42 Drew Yeah.

35:43 Adam He's in the joint now. We can't let him out. He killed somebody.

35:47 Drew No, no.

35:47 Adam He's he's kidding.

35:51 Drew He's I'm sure he has a good life, Binkley, his name Binkley, something like that.

35:56 Adam Yeah, it's getting John Binkley getting getting Hinkley, Hinkley, there you go. Close. Is that it? Anyway, on the beach. Oh, that Hinkley. Oh, then Chapman is the guy who shot. It's one or the other Chapman or Hinkley. Point is, is I think it's Chapman, Mark David Chapman. I'm going to engineer Chris, I'm sorry to make you move. I know I know I know you have a policy.

36:20 Drew He's breathing. He's breathing.

36:22 Adam But thank you. Yeah, thank you. All right. Here's how the show works. Basically, I'm I'm right with my first guest, Drew, Drew's face registers. It's basically like, imagine what a urinal would look like with no one standing at it. Just just facades, just just nothing. Yeah, just alabaster. And then he gives me nothing. So I think I'm wrong. So I keep going and I start going the wrong direction. And that's it.

36:46 Drew Trust yourself. And trust your instincts.

36:47 Adam I should trust my instincts. Well, my number one instinct should be not to trust your instinct or not to listen to you. Hey, what do you know, Drew? Do you know what one of these things?

36:57 Drew What's that?

36:57 You guys remember that show? Great American Hero? Yeah. His name was Mr. Hinkley and it was on for like, I don't know, a month. And then that guy tried to shoot Reagan. His name was Hinkley. So that to change the name of Mr. H.

37:08 Adam Oh, really? Because the great American hero, the same name as the guy that tried to kill same thing happened with Mr. C. Mr. Cunningham.

37:15 He was Chapman, though.

37:16 Adam Yeah, he was Chapman. Yeah. He didn't know that.

37:19 Happy days.

37:19 Adam That's why they call him Mr. C. It's awesome. Point is, is this guy was on the beach in Hawaii this many years ago. He was killing himself. He had the garden hose shoved in the car. It was like five in the morning. He was going to watch the sunset and slowly drift off to see. And fishermen found him, pulled him out, got him that, put him down to the hospital and went to work for a hospital in Hawaii for a few years. Came to Los Angeles, shot John Lennon. Or went to New York, shot John Lennon. So you see? I mean, it's a good thing to save people from killing themselves, but once in a while it backfires on you. That's all I'm saying. Still a worthy cause. You definitely.

37:52 Drew So you're telling Marco that his sense of accomplishment should be just crushing it.

37:56 Adam Nine times out of ten, it's a great thing. Once in a while, the guy kills an icon. That's all I'm saying.

38:01 Drew You'll leave tonight feeling good about this show.

38:02 Adam Don't worry.

38:03 Drew It's good.

38:03 Adam Once in a blue moon. That's all. That's all.

38:07 Sugarcult It's an odds game.

38:09 Adam You should definitely call. Yeah, you play the odds, the odds are call, save yourself. Once in a while, the guy gets drunk, cleans out a family later on in life.

38:17 Sugarcult Or if nothing else, spend the $10 and come to the show because we've got like five bands and you can also feel, you know, $10, you buy yourself some good karma, you see a bunch of good bands.

38:27 Right.

38:28 Adam Right.

38:28 All right.

38:29 Drew This is back to everything happens to her for a reason, Adam. That's why people say stuff like that.

38:32 Adam Let me ask you, Drew. I know it sounds like picking on you, but do you think, do you know instinctively when I want you to give me like, I'm all for about 500 on my any any kind of reference where I go to cultural reference?

38:45 Drew I'm all for 500.

38:46 Adam You do know a lot of stuff.

38:47 Drew Yeah, but I don't know stuff about.

38:48 Adam No, but you do know. You know more. You know more than you think, you know, I never I don't. My queuing has always revealed zero.

38:57 Drew Putting me on this, putting me on the spot, I block. That's always the worst. If there's a possibility of me coming up with it, that's the worst way to start.

39:04 Adam OK, I'll try to ease into it.

39:06 Drew Yeah. Just just kind of muse about it and see if I come up with it. OK. Don't turn to me. Don't look at me. Don't look at me.

39:10 Adam I'll give you space, buddy. It's great. A great instinct for radio, by the way. That's the number one quality you need is not to be able to come up with anything on the spot.

39:17 Drew And don't talk.

39:17 Adam And not talking. A lot of head nodding. Those are two things you need.

39:23 Drew You want to find a partner who is sort of fragmented into at least three different people.

39:28 So, yeah, basically. And everybody I speak to always says, Kano, you're an idiot. But you know, I'm still trying to hope. I will say the one thing that I didn't get to mention before. I did find that woman, but she did die on me about three months ago from leukemia. But the way we met was basically she found me and, you know, went up to me in a bar and started talking to me. But when it actually comes to looking for somebody that was like her, I have, you know, difficulties trying to find basically, you know, a submissive woman with some dominant qualities.

40:06 Adam How are you doing? You ever have a stroke or getting a moped accident or something in ice fishing like you fell in the lake and they pulled you out four hours later or something like that? Is there anything involving cold water?

40:18 No, not exactly. Why?

40:20 Adam Nothing. Like when you were a kid, the ice didn't crack.

40:22 Drew Well, what do you mean, not exactly?

40:23 Adam He's calling from Minnesota. I'm saying someone went to the lake.

40:26 I was actually buried in six feet of snow, Adam, if you really want to know. I was buried in six feet of snow with a car accident, and I flipped six times.

40:35 Adam Now we're getting somewhere.

40:38 Sugarcult Were you in the S&M before that?

40:40 Adam Interesting.

40:40 Yeah.

40:42 Drew Same way? Yep.

40:44 Adam Now buried, so your car rolled six times?

40:48 Yeah, six times, four left to right and two front over back.

40:54 Drew Oh my God. Cartwheeling.

40:56 Never drive a Chevy Citation. They roll like a ball.

41:00 Adam That's just showing off at that point. I mean, you go four rolls, that's fine, but then when you start cartwheeling, then you got a hot dog.

41:06 Drew So what kind of injuries did you get?

41:08 I know I'm a showman. Sure.

41:09 Adam You're the Liberace of driving.

41:10 Drew So now it's me, I'm thinking drugs.

41:13 Adam And then, and so you cartwheeled into a snowbank?

41:17 Drew What were you thrown from the vehicle?

41:20 Had to dig out with our bare hands, six feet down, literally I can say I was buried six feet under.

41:25 Drew You were in shape to dig out?

41:27 Adam No, they dug him out.

41:28 Drew Oh, they dug him out.

41:29 No. We dug out.

41:31 Adam Oh, we?

41:31 Drew You were in shape to dig out?

41:33 Yeah, me and my, yep. And we walked away. We actually had to walk about two miles back to my mother's house at the time.

41:39 Drew So okay, you may have missed the spirit of that question. Have you had any medical problems or injuries or anything?

41:45 No.

41:46 Adam All right, hold on a second. Is it possible to cartwheel a Chevy Citation?

41:52 Drew And then dig out?

41:53 Adam And then dig yourself out of a snowbank and what?

41:55 Drew We, too.

41:55 Sugarcult I think I saw it in MacGyver once.

42:00 Adam Yeah, I think he made a shovel out of a playing card and was able to dig his way to light. I always like the part where people get buried, not sure which way up is. I always kind of feel like I would. I think, you know what I'd do? I would fart and see which way it went.

42:12 Sugarcult You're supposed to spit.

42:13 Adam Oh, you spit?

42:14 Sugarcult Like if you're in an avalanche.

42:15 Drew It just goes and hits you in the nose, either way.

42:18 Adam I would fart anyway.

42:18 Sugarcult Our drummer Kenny, he keeps a hatchet in his bunk on the tour bus because he's convinced that one day if, you know, knock on wood, he'll be able to hatchet his way out of there.

42:29 Adam Right.

42:29 Drew After he kills the stripper.

42:31 Adam After he kills the stripper with the hatchet, he's going to be able to cause weight of safety. I know it's my favorite item. I will get back to Kenny in a second. My favorite item in the ridiculous items in the Sky Mall when you're in the airplane, you're traveling. I like the personal air sanitizer you wear around your neck, how big an ass kissing kicking would you get like in high school wearing that stupid air freshener around your neck. But it's got a little fan in it. But the one is the safety hammer. It's like the life hammer. This is the hammer you keep under your head. You can hack through the seatbelt. And then of course, when you know, when, let's face it, eventually you're going to end up in a Meyer upside down in your car like Ted Kennedy drove you into it. And you're going to have to get out with this hammer. And it has a... Yeah, yeah. But the point is, it's just a hammer essentially. So by the way, you could go down to the true value, spend four bucks and just get any crappy 20 ounce hammer and put it on your car seat. But here's why I won't get an item like that. It almost guarantees you're going into a lake. When you buy it, now you've just bought it. Not only you get the hammer, you got a one way ticket to David Jones' locker. That's number one. And then number two, my wife would put it in the trunk. And then I would spend my last moments going, I'm going to, where's that? I'll kill her. I would end up taking my bloody finger and scratch it in the headliner car. You bitch, I can't believe it's in the trunk. Yeah, Ms. Corolla, we found teeth marks in the back, so he was trying to eat his way into the trunk. You don't want to see the headliner, it's pretty offensive. I think he used the C word.

44:10 Sugarcult What kind of message are you sending when you buy your friends that Christmas present?

44:14 Adam If somebody bought me that, I would take it to their head. I would just go hide there, I would just attack them with the hammer and not a court in the land would convict me.

44:21 Sugarcult You ever notice in the Sky Mall magazines when they're selling an alarm clock, it's set to 420? Yeah.

44:27 Drew But it's what's set up for, not everyone flies on planes over the world like you guys.

44:31 Adam Well, I said, it's the catalog you read on the plane.

44:33 Drew Right, it's in there next to the whatever airlines magazine. It's always there.

44:37 Sugarcult Right, after you get done reading the safety card. Yeah.

44:40 Adam You read the Sky Mall. It's your punishment for forgetting a Sports Illustrated before you get on the plane.

44:45 Drew It's basically front gate and all the different image and they all have the same.

44:50 Adam And you're like, and if you get drunk enough, you start giving stuff serious consideration like life-size inflatable chess set for the backyard. Oh, they're weighted down by sand. Okay. Yeah, I could see. And then you sober up and you're like, oh, what the hell?

45:04 Drew I can think of all the different kinds of fire pits. They've got a lot of fire pits.

45:09 Adam I like this thing. They have the, they have like rope ladders and stuff.

45:12 Drew I can come close to getting that.

45:14 Adam It's just a family climbing out in a very orderly fashion. By the way, the mom standing there, Junior, in his little jammies climbing down the rope ladder. You guys gotta get that Skymall. And you're Chris, you ever see that Skymall catalog? No. By the way.

45:32 Drew Been on a plane? No, I haven't.

45:34 Adam They have? But you call them a metal bird, right? No, you don't? But you still call the train the iron horse, right?

45:42 Drew Right.

45:42 Adam Yes.

45:43 Drew People.

45:43 Adam Have you been on an airplane?

45:45 Drew No, I haven't.

45:45 Adam You haven't? I gotta get you on an airplane.

45:47 Drew Oh, Chris, finally. Finally, your relationship with Adam is gonna pay off.

45:51 Caller Where do you want us to go?

45:53 Adam I would like, I'm gonna buy you a one-way ticket. No, I'm gonna get you on a Southwest flight.

45:58 Drew To Las Vegas.

45:58 Adam Yeah, I'm gonna get you Vegas.

45:59 Drew There's no Sky Mall in the Southwest.

46:02 Adam Oh, there isn't? There is, but they sell flip-flops and cut off sweatpants and crack, I think.

46:08 Adam Yeah, you could drive to Vegas.

46:09 Adam Yeah, okay, listen, kid, whatever. Do what you gotta do. I was trying to set the kid up, give him a little taste of the good life on Southwest. Forget it. No, I'll fly someone else. Drew, you want me to fly you somewhere?

46:19 Drew On Southwest.

46:20 Adam All right, sorry, buddy. All right, that's a threat. We'll take a little break. Sugarcult. Never, uh, never mind.

46:29 Drew Adam, if you were to think about your life before this business, are you kidding? I can't afford it, man.

46:33 Adam I went on a plane. I flew to Vegas one time before my 30th birthday.

46:37 Drew That's what I'm saying.

46:39 Adam International playboy compared to this guy.

46:42 Drew It's not 30 yet.

46:43 Adam All right.

46:43 Drew All right, buddy.

46:44 Adam I'm going to get you on a flight. We're going to take ourselves a crop duster. We're going to take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back after this. There, buddy, it's Loveline. Yeah, Sugarcult in here tonight. Tim and Marco, we're just laughing about everyone exaggerating their car accidents and how it works. And also, here's the other one, here's the other famous story, the guys who get in the car accident. The state trooper said, if anyone was, you know, if there was a passenger in this car, he'd be dead. I was the passenger, they love saying that would be dead, and they love that one too. It's very dramatic.

47:45 Drew Or if I had to move one more inch to the right, I would die three times on the way to the hospital.

47:50 Adam They said the bullet that missed me was only nine feet from my heart. That if it had been just nine more feet to the left, it would have struck me in the heart.

47:58 Drew Yeah. Yeah, people have trouble thinking about those sorts of things.

48:02 Adam Yeah, there's a lot of...

48:03 Drew There's a lot of hit and a miss.

48:04 Adam Yeah, a lot of stuff going through people too, where they go, if that bamboo shoot had hit, if it had been two centimeters to the right, I wouldn't be here right now. I'm always thinking, wow, that'd be great. I don't want you to be dead, but I would like you to be somewhere else saving me from this horrible story, which I've heard four times, so.

48:24 Drew You ready? You ready to go?

48:25 Adam Let's go. Let's get it on. Woo! Third call of the night.

48:28 Drew Third call, Adam. Third call.

48:29 Adam Third call of the night. That's our lucky one. Wow.

48:32 Sugarcult Are there girls out there? Do girls ever call this show?

48:34 Adam Hell yeah, they do. Danielle does. Danielle? You're 19?

48:39 Caller Yeah.

48:40 Adam Drew's getting happy tonight. That's why we're not taking any calls. Go ahead, Danielle.

48:44 Caller Okay. I wanted to know how I could find out if my roommate is a lesbian.

48:50 Drew How about asking her?

48:52 Adam Yeah.

48:53 Drew Yeah.

48:53 Caller I don't know about that.

48:54 Drew Chris is talking over there. Chris is yelling something out.

48:57 Adam Chris.

48:58 Caller Make a move on her.

48:59 Adam Yeah. Bold.

49:01 Sugarcult What makes you think she's a lesbian or might be a lesbian?

49:05 Caller One of her friends always comes over and like spends the night and I'm in the bottom bunk and they're in the top bunk and they kind of make funny sounds and I don't know what kissing kiss you sound like.

49:16 Adam Wait, are you guys on a prison ship? You're a submarine? Yeah, you have to live together on a bunk bed?

49:23 Drew I've never heard of women in bunks. We're the third.

49:26 Well, it's in a dorm.

49:28 Drew There's two up top.

49:29 Adam You're in a dorm. Oh.

49:30 Drew Yeah.

49:30 Adam Sexy.

49:31 Drew Oh, I was in a three level bunk when I was in college.

49:34 Adam You were? Like a three stooges style bunk?

49:36 Drew Yes. Absolutely.

49:37 Adam Wow.

49:39 Drew Squalor.

49:39 Adam Trifecta nerd.

49:41 Sugarcult Well, is there a problem with her if she's a lesbian? Like, is that going to bum you out?

49:45 Drew Why don't you just bring up the fact that you have trouble sleeping because, or, I don't know.

49:48 Adam Do you hear them getting it on?

49:50 Caller Well, I don't hear them, like, explicitly, but I hear, like, little things, but, like, it's like when I'm coming in the room. It's not like when I'm in there, they're, like, still making sounds.

49:59 Drew I think, Danielle, you can, um, assume that something's going on.

50:03 Adam If she's bunking up, literally, with a chick, yeah, doing the, uh...

50:06 Drew And I think the issue of, you know, let's, it's a girl or a boy, whatever, it's sort of a weird boundary thing for you, and you ought to say, this makes me uncomfortable, not just because it's a girl, but... Well, I know you'd like to watch, Adam, but, and you guys, too.

50:17 Adam Well, maybe Danielle, maybe Danielle's interested. Are you curious?

50:22 Uh, not so much.

50:23 Sugarcult Does it bum you out because you think she's just kind of, you know, the dorm is really small and you feel like this extra person is sort of invading your private space?

50:31 Caller Well, yeah. I mean, I don't have a problem with it, but it's just kind of like I'm sleeping there, too.

50:36 Drew Right. If we're a guy in the bed with her, too, it'd be very weird. And this is, she comes to UC Santa Barbara and she's expecting the surfer, the beautiful life there. Right? At UC Santa Barbara?

50:47 Sugarcult Yeah, yeah.

50:49 Adam Where are you coming from?

50:50 Sugarcult I actually went there.

50:51 Drew You went there? And you left? You were able to get out?

50:54 Sugarcult Yeah, I got out alive.

50:57 Adam I can't show that I got out.

50:58 Sugarcult Isla Vista didn't get the best of me.

51:00 Drew Goleta didn't either?

51:01 Adam Isla Vista's were...

51:03 Sugarcult I lived in Isla Vista too. Yeah.

51:05 Drew I don't know anyone that's lived there and left.

51:07 Sugarcult And lived.

51:08 Adam No, they don't.

51:09 Drew Yeah, they die there or they just...

51:10 Adam They don't get out. It's a roach motel for college students.

51:14 Drew But not because it's awful, because it's nice.

51:16 Sugarcult Well, the problem with me is Arban's from Santa Barbara. I grew up in Santa Barbara, so you find out early on when you're maybe in junior high or early high school, there's this place called Isla Vista where you can make out with girls and drink off of kegs for free. Yeah, close the streets. So yeah, I kind of tapped Isla Vista out before I was even 17.

51:32 Adam Oh man. Isla Vista, by the way, Halloween. That's a party over there, boy. Yeah. I've had a lot of... I spent a lot of time at Isla Vista.

51:42 Drew You got attacked there in a van.

51:43 Adam I got attacked in a van. I got high on mushrooms and met a girlfriend there. I've had many times.

51:50 Sugarcult High on mushrooms? Met the girl?

51:53 Adam Oh no, no, wait a minute. My buddy was high on mushrooms and I cut him loose because he was bringing me down. I got a 12 pack and I went out on my own and I was able to score. It was the wheeze. He was like, come on, you're slowing me down. I'm trying to score here for the love of Christ. Sailor outfit, Halloween looking good. Yeah, looking real good. Stripes. So, Sugarcult, hey, here, no, no, so, you know.

52:14 Drew Stripes.

52:15 Adam No, it was more, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Think Cracker Jacks.

52:19 Drew I'm thinking Popeye.

52:21 Adam Well, don't think Popeye. I think what I tell you to think. Remember our agreement?

52:24 Drew That's right.

52:25 Adam All right. Now, think commercial.

52:26 Drew Let's go.

52:26 Adam All right. After this.

52:28 Sugarcult Here it is.

52:29 Caller Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

52:31 Sugarcult Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

52:34 Caller Call the Dateline.

52:36 Adam 1-877-889-DATE.

52:47 Caller This hour brought to you in part by AXE, Experience the AXE Effect.

52:53 Adam Hey, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Sugarcult in here tonight, Tim and Marco, both representing the band. Out with Green Day as we speak. And then going on European tour with Blink 182, who should probably come in here. We haven't seen them in a little while.

53:15 Drew It has been a while, yeah.

53:16 Adam Yes, we've seen Travis, I believe.

53:19 Drew A couple of times.

53:19 Caller I have a really big dick.

53:22 Adam That would be Tom.

53:24 Drew No, Mark.

53:25 Adam Mark.

53:25 Drew Mark who we provided a wife for.

53:28 Adam Oh, we did. That's right.

53:30 Caller We just played Bakersfield.

53:36 Adam That's back before the nads dropped. We are going to go to the phones and speak to Corey. Did we speak to Corey?

53:46 Drew Did we say that Sugarcult is here?

53:47 Adam I did say Sugarcult is here. I gave the whole street. No, we didn't say it.

53:52 Drew We did not.

53:53 Adam I said that's right. That's why I get the meeting bucks. Corey? Twenty-six?

54:02 Caller Yep.

54:03 Adam What's up?

54:04 Caller First of all, I want to tell Dr. Drew, I seen your name at the NBC last night. You had some pretty good points. Good job.

54:11 Drew Well, thanks. I appreciate that. It was kind of interesting.

54:14 Adam He meant your nipples were hard poking through your sweater.

54:17 Drew That's what he meant, points.

54:20 Adam What were you guys talking about?

54:22 Drew I sat on Scarborough for a full hour, which is kind of weird.

54:25 Adam Scarborough is a guy who looks like his eyes look like vulvas, right? It looks like a shaved vulva.

54:31 Drew It's a little bit, yeah. But every time I do it...

54:33 Adam You get horny, I want to give it to his head. I do.

54:35 Drew I can't help it.

54:36 Adam It's on late.

54:37 Drew Mike Barnacle was hosting it every other time.

54:39 Adam Mike Barnacle?

54:40 Drew He's a good guy.

54:41 Adam Who's Mike Barnacle?

54:42 Drew Pat Buchanan is always hosting it every time I do it, it seems like.

54:45 Adam You never get Scarborough.

54:46 Drew I do, but he has guest hosts on a lot, it seems like. This is what I want.

54:50 Adam So, you never get the old vagina on yourself, but you get a guy named Barnacle?

54:56 Drew Yeah, he's a good guy.

54:58 Adam And what's his first name?

54:59 Drew Mike.

54:59 Adam Now, listen, when you got a guy named Barnacle, it's a last name, and Mike, you name him like Rusty.

55:04 Drew Yeah, it seems like he should be a sailor, doesn't it?

55:06 Adam Yeah, a rusty Barnacle. Yeah, you don't name him Mike.

55:11 Drew He'll call you.

55:13 Adam You're squandering a perfectly cool last name.

55:15 Drew You should be writing the Krabby Patty.

55:17 Adam Yeah. All right. So anyway, Corey, yeah. So you like Drew. Fantastic. What else?

55:24 Caller Oh, well, I have to definitely give thumbs up to Ace's Ranchero mixing accordion countdown as well.

55:32 Adam Oh, we got to play that tonight.

55:34 Caller Since I'm handing out the compliments. Good job on that one, Adam.

55:38 Adam Yeah, we're going to play some Ranchero accordion countdown tonight with Sugarcult. I think that's smart. I'm sure engineer Chris has already queued up.

55:45 Drew Oh, where is Chris?

55:47 Caller I don't know.

55:48 Adam He may be hopping on a Southwest flight.

55:50 Drew So what's up, Corey?

55:52 Caller Well, myself and my wife, we've been together five years. We've been married two and a half. And she's got a big problem that every time we have sex, she can never get off.

56:06 Drew During intercourse?

56:07 Caller Yeah, during intercourse.

56:08 Drew That would make her normal.

56:12 Caller Yeah.

56:12 Drew Very few women, most women do not have orgasm during intercourse. All of Adam's partners. Zero.

56:19 Adam Less than zero.

56:20 Drew Yes.

56:20 Adam It's a less than zero. It's like a black hole of orgasm.

56:23 Drew It's a rare thing to see a woman orgasm during intercourse.

56:25 Adam If someone did have an orgasm, it would swallow it up. All right.

56:28 Drew So there you go, Corey.

56:30 Adam Is there anything that... How often do people have to walk in and out of the studio when the mics are on? It's one thing, people just kibitz around here. They sort of head in and they drift in and they drift out and they drift in and they drift out. If they were doing something, it would be awesome.

56:45 Drew And I was looking up the next song on the album. All right.

56:50 Adam And please. And engineer Chris, I know you had to make a number one or make a phone call or go down to the vending machine. Whatever it is you had to do. Please wait. Let's just do it on the commercial breaks like regular, like normal shows.

57:03 Drew He was busy doing us during the commercial break.

57:04 Adam All right, buddy. All right. Where are we talking?

57:08 Drew Corey. Corey. So, you're aware that most women don't orgasm during intercourse.

57:13 Caller Actually, most of the partners that I've had, you know, it's been the other way that they have.

57:19 Drew Either they're faking or that's rare.

57:29 Adam Yeah, assume they're faking.

57:32 Caller Her big thing is she wants to have an orgasm during intercourse. Is there anything we can take or, you know, any steps that we can take?

57:38 Drew Well, you ask an interesting question. First of all, does she orgasm with the oral sex?

57:43 Caller Yes.

57:44 Drew All right, so she's in the majority camp with that. And yes, there are, there is some women that report enhanced orgasmic function with the viagra-type medicines, the sialis and the vitra. So that's something I suppose you could try. And there's all kinds of things you can incorporate into what you're doing to try to help her.

58:03 Adam Here's the reality with chicks. You save yourself a few bucks. You just get like a children's aspirin and go, I got a sialis. Oh, it says bear on it. Don't put nuts, bear. That's like bear ass. That's not, here, take one of these, baby. It's an orgasm and a pill. Take one. You should probably have one. Because women's, the vagina is not really hooked up anyway. You know, it's all about the mind. If you, if you can, I say if the placebo thing works on women more than it would work on a guy. I think you could try that. Number two, she could take the real thing. Number three, she could get a little vibrator or something involved with the festivities. Could she do that?

58:40 Adam Yeah, we can try that.

58:42 Drew And number four, you could get a little more realistic about her sexual functioning.

58:45 Adam Yeah, leave her alone.

58:46 Drew Yeah, that's just the way she's wired.

58:48 Sugarcult And that's like, some, you know, some sexual positions, though, too, could, you know, maybe help out. Yeah, I don't know.

58:58 Adam Why? What do you got?

58:59 Sugarcult There's an expert on this.

59:00 Sugarcult No, no, by no means any expert. But like, it seems like, I remember once being with a girl where the only way she could have an orgasm, it almost didn't even seem like I was having sex. It was like friction so hard, you know that one? And that was the only way that she could.

59:19 Drew Why not go back to the oral sex?

59:21 Sugarcult Exactly.

59:23 Caller I mean, we've tried that, you know, I've turned our bedroom into a circus camp for a few nights.

59:27 Drew No, that's not what he's talking about.

59:29 Sugarcult It's more of like a position, you know, it's not, it's...

59:32 Drew Like direct contact.

59:34 Sugarcult It's not really the in and out. It's more of like, it's the kind of grind thing. It sort of leaves you with a sort of a, probably more of a red...

59:42 Adam Basically, it's the, your mortar gets eaten up by your pestle. It's what it is, it just gets grounded to find dust. She hops off like, big cloud of dust.

59:56 Sugarcult What happened to my darts?

59:57 Adam Yeah, it's like, it's just a grind your penis. I actually had mine actually pushed into my abdomen.

1:00:04 Drew Right, because it's about the pubic bone contact.

1:00:08 Adam Yeah, you just grind your penis in yourself. It's really quite gay if you think about it.

1:00:12 Drew Quite what?

1:00:13 Adam I was quite gay, I was effing myself.

1:00:15 Drew It grinded into your ass?

1:00:17 Adam No, I went front. I went frontside, yeah.

1:00:19 Drew That's nice.

1:00:20 Adam You're grinding it in, yeah, that would be a taller order.

1:00:22 Drew And by the way, not a turn on, right? It's not what he's looking for. His fantasy is that he's going to make her have an order. That her use him as a...

1:00:33 Sugarcult How about if she kind of plays with herself a little bit while you guys are having sex?

1:00:38 Adam I'm sure she's tried that though. She tried that?

1:00:41 Caller Yeah, she tried that.

1:00:42 Sugarcult It doesn't work.

1:00:43 Caller Nah, not necessarily.

1:00:46 Drew Cory, relax, relax.

1:00:47 Adam Relax.

1:00:47 Drew Yeah.

1:00:48 Adam Stop trying. Everyone, please. You make all the rest of us look bad, number one. Number two, you're not going to get anything. Just relax. You got TiVo. You watch that TiVo. That's it. Put your feet up. Turn the TiVo on. Just wait to die.

1:01:00 Sugarcult Well, give her, you know, give her the orgasm orally. And then as soon as she's getting, she's freaking out, then throw it in.

1:01:06 Adam That's good, except for what we talked about earlier.

1:01:11 Sugarcult Oh, yeah. When you're down.

1:01:14 Adam You got to lick the thread before you thread the needle. It's hard to push it through there sometimes when it's all dried out and, you know, sort of frayed at the end.

1:01:21 Drew It's often called the abalone effect.

1:01:23 Adam You know, there should be, really should be, there should be, Drew, you know, it'd be nice some sort of orifice or something that was sort of between the mattress and box ring that you could kind of, you know, when you were down there doing your business, that something you could slide in just to sort of like the equivalent to a, you know, a heating tray to fast food place, like somewhere between the grill and when it goes into the mouth. You're performing oral on the old lady. You don't want to lose the wood.

1:01:52 Drew Right.

1:01:52 Adam But yet if you're down there for 10 minutes, there's a chance it may go away.

1:01:56 Drew Here's the deal. Just a bun warmer. No, no, no, no.

1:01:58 Adam You know what I'm saying?

1:01:59 Drew A fluffer, like a tube, the tube that vibrates and loads a condom.

1:02:03 Adam Yeah. You don't need the condom.

1:02:05 Drew Yeah, but think of them.

1:02:06 Adam No, no. Let's get that's an optional attachment.

1:02:09 Drew But think of it would do both those things.

1:02:11 Adam I don't want a condom. I just need a bun warmer. I need I need some I need some place to put it and keep it, you know, keep the blood circulating while I'm, you know, doing my patriotic chore.

1:02:23 Sugarcult I think you're on to something, man. Yeah. The electronic fluffer. You can, you know, put in a Sky Mall magazine.

1:02:29 Adam Yeah. It, you know, runs off a nine volt. It goes in between the mattress and the box spring. There's there's like a there's like a basically, you know, those things that the catchers used to wear that piece of plastic they would they would attach on to the mask so they wouldn't get hit in the throat with the ball that hangs off the bottom. It's sort of a, you know, it's sort of a gutter. Yeah. Just in case. It's a premature detonation. You know, as you could.

1:02:55 Sugarcult Can I make one more suggestion?

1:02:56 Adam Yeah.

1:02:57 Sugarcult Try playing a Sugarcult song. Works every time.

1:03:00 Adam No, actually, we're going to try that. But I think the old lady would get suspicious if you're like, oh, man.

1:03:06 Oh, she's like, wow.

1:03:11 Drew I never liked that so much before.

1:03:12 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Wow. You really turn the corner on this oral thing. Don't talk.

1:03:19 Sugarcult Our songs are good for lovemaking. Most of them are under three minutes long. It's perfect.

1:03:23 Adam We will take one call and then we'll hear a Sugarcult.

1:03:26 Drew Angela 23.

1:03:28 Adam Moving right along. Angela? What's up?

1:03:32 First and foremost, I'd like to send a shout out to Sugarcult.

1:03:37 Sugarcult Yeah.

1:03:38 Adam Hi, Angela.

1:03:38 Drew How are you?

1:03:40 I'm well.

1:03:41 Drew Go ahead.

1:03:42 Okay. This is kind of embarrassing, but my boyfriend, like when I give him oral sex, he doesn't come and I'm putting in my like, I'm doing my patriotic chore, if you will, and it's just not working out. And I was wondering if like, there's something else I could be doing, like...

1:04:02 Drew And then this is, we got to break this one down. Yeah. It may just not be his thing. Some guys do not orgasm with oral sex or, what, I don't know, it's shocking, Angela, but there are those guys. None of them are Adam's friends, but they do. And the other thing is women have this thing, well, I did this for so long. It's like that's a sign things weren't going well. You weren't doing things quite right. Or he's not into it. Those are the two options. Yeah.

1:04:23 Adam It's sort of like, well, this surgery should only take in 20 minutes, but it took eight hours. That must have done an extra good. No, it means the complications.

1:04:29 Drew Right. Exactly.

1:04:30 Adam Something's wrong. If someone's flatlining. Right. This is, yeah, you go in for 45 minutes to an hour is not a great thing. And by the way, if you don't get the desired results in the first two Sugarcult songs.

1:04:44 Drew Yeah, six minutes would be plenty.

1:04:45 Adam Yeah, that's plenty.

1:04:47 Sugarcult Does this happen with more than one guy or? It was one guy.

1:04:51 Oh, no, I've never had a problem and that's why I'm calling you otherwise.

1:04:55 Drew What does he say?

1:04:56 He says that he's never, it just takes him a really long time and I'm like.

1:05:01 Drew How about with Intercourse?

1:05:03 Oh, yeah, he comes all the time.

1:05:05 Adam Yeah, he's like, he's a passionate man. He's a man of passion. He doesn't, it doesn't, guys that are super passionate, it's not that they don't enjoy oral sex is that they love humping so much that they just want to get to it.

1:05:19 Drew Yeah. Well, do you like to give oral, it's more like you don't want to have a huge salad and fill up on the salad if you know you're going to have a great following.

1:05:28 Adam You're not even into the salad.

1:05:30 Drew And you're not into the salad, but you don't want, but if you listen, let's say it's a decent salad. You like the salad, but you know you've got Chateau Brown on the other side and they serve you a giant salad. You're like, oh, forget it.

1:05:40 Adam Yeah.

1:05:41 Drew No way.

1:05:41 Adam Well, yeah.

1:05:42 Drew You're anxious to get through the salad.

1:05:44 Adam Yeah. No, you want to, you want to, you want to go, you want to get right. We are, are we talking about eating now because I get, sometimes I get lost into my metaphors. Are we going to have to eat or not? Here's the point. Yes. Guys, it's, it's something we've learned. It's something I didn't know. It's something I found out working to, working so, so closely with such a passionate, passionate man over the years in engineer Chris, he's passionate about not flying with Dr. Drew, which is guys who don't like getting oral. Well, I was just thought, well, they're just not that sad. They're not into it. They're not into chicks that much or something. They're not into it that much. No, they're into it so much that this is a distraction. They got to get to it. There's a vagina in the room. It needs, it needs to be filled. Yes.

1:06:31 Sugarcult I'm the same way.

1:06:32 Adam Are you?

1:06:32 Sugarcult I'm the same way.

1:06:33 Drew Thank you.

1:06:34 Adam You guys could start some, some passion cult. Yes.

1:06:38 Drew It's called sugar.

1:06:39 Adam Yeah. Where's me and Mark? We could, we could just, look, we and Mark, we'll be over here getting a BJ while you two are banging the bejesus out of the world. Yeah. Thank you. We'll be relaxing with a nice soothing BJ while you guys are banging the bejesus out of everything that was.

1:06:55 Yes. Yeah.

1:06:56 Adam Mark, you with me? Sure. Sure. Good.

1:06:59 Drew All right.

1:07:00 Adam Let's hear a sugar cult song. Yeah.

1:07:02 Drew Yeah.

1:07:02 Adam All right. That's passion, but you're a passionate man. Yes.

1:07:05 Sugarcult Yeah. Speaking of bejers, here's sugar cult.

1:07:08 Adam Yeah. Second song we're playing.

1:07:11 Drew It all, it also has a certain amount. There's a certain amount of anxiety in that too. You got to become an anxious, driven anxious person too. Well, Drew. Otherwise, you'd sit and relax with it.

1:07:19 Adam Yeah. It's, it's, it well, now, now, okay, now it's interesting.

1:07:22 Drew Two things that go together, I think, a little bit.

1:07:24 Adam If he's that kind of guy or not, because like Drew's a guy who we were using as a metaphor before, but when he goes out and he eats, he eats in a hurry. When you, when you tell him, you know, meet you in the lobby and then we'll go to the airport, he's there like a few minutes early and he's calling you and everything is like, I, I, I don't, I think everything's get to it. Receiving oral sex is like too passive for you. You got to be on your feet. You gotta be running and how about you get on a treadmill and get, get a BJ.

1:07:50 Drew Oh, that might work. And I'd read if I were reading.

1:07:54 Adam We get your wife on a mechanic's creeper. So it's got wheels on it. We put it in front of you, it's like a handicapped veteran and she's just rolling along. We'll, we'll use some Velcro straps, we'll strap her to the front thing and you're reading and listening to a book on cassette while you're watching CNN and getting a BJ. Do you think you could tolerate it then?

1:08:14 Drew Sounds like Nirvana.

1:08:16 Adam Your sack would be multitasking? Yes?

1:08:19 Drew Yes.

1:08:21 Adam Yeah. All right. You ready to go here? This is, oh, next song we're playing is called Memory. Yeah, another winner.

1:12:09 Sugarcult Thank you. Thanks.

1:12:10 Sugarcult We did that live right here right now.

1:12:14 Adam Under music. I barely hear them setting up. Palm Trees and Powerlines, name of the CD. Guys are going out with Blink 182 to Europe, and leaving right after Thanksgiving.

1:12:26 Sugarcult We just played Bakersfield.

1:12:29 Adam Always funny.

1:12:30 Sugarcult Tomorrow night's the last night of the Green Day Tour. We've been out with them for about five weeks.

1:12:33 Adam Are they at Long Beach again?

1:12:35 Sugarcult No, up in San Francisco, so we're driving. We leave it at 2 a.m. 2 in the morning, drive up there tonight?

1:12:42 Adam I think that's Green Day's hometown, San Francisco area. Well, and he just hopped in the bus.

1:12:48 Sugarcult Yeah, just hopped in the bus and...

1:12:50 Drew Adam will send you up on Southwest.

1:12:51 Adam Yeah, I can fly out there.

1:12:53 Sugarcult Yeah, we'll take it.

1:12:55 Adam It's beautiful.

1:12:55 Drew Take Chris with you, it'll be great.

1:12:57 Adam Oh, yeah. Listen, if you've never traveled in the back of a Pinto, then you have no idea what it's like to fly Southwest. It is an experience. I'm going to get you on the airplane, I'm going to get you a BJ. I'm going to get you a lot of things, Chris. Sweet. Stick with me. All right. How are you doing on the Ace's Mexican Ranchero accordion countdown? We queued up? We feeling good?

1:13:21 Caller No, I was just using the CD player for the song.

1:13:23 Adam All right, we'll get a little Ranchero music in there, buddy. Yeah. We're going to take yourselves a call, we've got some Ranchero countdown to play. We've got a lot of show ahead of us, Drew. Yes.

1:13:33 Drew Cranberry recipe.

1:13:34 Adam Oh my God, my cranberry recipe. Drew, what? There's too much show to try to shoehorn in the next 38 minutes. I don't know what we're going to do.

1:13:42 Drew We're going to do it.

1:13:43 Adam We're going to do it? All right, we've got to break it down.

1:13:46 Drew We'll take a break now.

1:13:47 Adam I don't know.

1:13:47 Drew We'll start.

1:13:48 Adam I don't know. I say before we take the break, we've got to get something in. Maybe the cranberries, maybe the Ranchero. What do you got? You got Ranchero, Chris?

1:13:56 Caller Not yet.

1:14:00 Drew He has to read the commercial during the break.

1:14:02 Adam No, I'm not reading it.

1:14:03 Caller Are you torturing me on purpose, Corolla? Because we're supposed to break at 20, and you're like, it's 22, we need to squeeze more show in.

1:14:10 Adam Well, I was torturing you unintentionally, by the way. But now it's intentional.

1:14:14 Drew He's satisfied by it.

1:14:15 Caller All right. It's just the second half of the show is like half commercials, and it's brutal.

1:14:20 Adam Yeah. What are you going to do? Put the ranchero in, would you, Chris, get that going, we've got to take ourselves a little break. I'm aware of the time. I know when it's time to break. I'm a pro. Sugarcult in here tonight, we're going to come back, we'll play a little Ace's Ranchero recording countdown. All that after this. 1-800-LOVE-191 Loveline is brought to you by the 2004 College Music Awards, presented by the US. Now on your cell phone, text CMA to 75423 or go to thecollegemusicawards.com. Yeah, it's Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Sugarcult in studio. Hello. Tonight, got ourselves a CD out called Palm Trees and Powerlines, and it is out as we speak, and it's good. So, we will, got some business to take you. First, the official business of the cranberry sauce recipe. And, hold on, Drew, I don't respond.

1:15:28 Drew It's so much show, we gotta get to it.

1:15:30 Adam I don't respond to that tone.

1:15:32 Drew Would you slow down and stop? What do you want me to do? Would you slow down?

1:15:38 Adam No, not gonna do it. Gonna speed up now.

1:15:40 Drew I want you not to take any more calls, and not to get to any calls. Uh-huh.

1:15:43 Adam Oh, yeah?

1:15:43 Drew I certainly don't want you to...

1:15:44 Adam Hold on, did you hear him say he didn't want me to take calls?

1:15:46 Drew And above all else, I don't want you to do that cranberry recipe.

1:15:48 Adam Uh-oh, you don't?

1:15:49 Drew I don't want you to do that. I don't want you to do it, it's slow.

1:15:52 Adam How about this? How about this, Wiseacre? You don't want me to take calls? You don't want me to give the cranberry recipe? How about I take a call and give the cranberry recipe to the call? How do you like that? You want to keep going? I didn't think so. I didn't think so. Madison? Yes? You get a sack of loose cranberries, comes in a 12-ounce sack. These are actual cranberries, not crushed, not pulverized, not minced, not gelatinized, just loose cranberries in a sack, all right? You take those, you put them in a saucepan. First you take the saucepan, put a cup of water in it, just one cup of water. It says put a cup of sugar, huh? I'm going to keep going, Drew.

1:16:30 Drew Slow down, slow down.

1:16:32 Adam Okay, and you bring it to a boil, okay? And you put a little zest of lemon in there, and it says put a whole cup of sugar in there. But I go with about three-quarters of a cup. You know why? Because you can always add sugar if you do. I season it, taste, I put a little zest of lemon, I get it boiling in there, the sugar in the water in the saucepan, I add the cranberries, I put a lid on it, I put on simmer, five minutes later, I got cranberry sauce.

1:16:55 Drew Five minutes.

1:16:55 Adam Five minutes later, beautiful, warm, delectable, sweet, and tangy cranberry sauce. And not that white trash crap you people pull out of a can. Love of Christ. There should be, you shouldn't hear that electric can opener going on Thanksgiving.

1:17:10 Drew Never.

1:17:10 Adam People think it's okay. They really do, including my own crappy family.

1:17:15 Sugarcult To serve it like when you still see the ridges from the can.

1:17:18 Drew The cranberry sauce.

1:17:19 Adam Are we animals? Are we in prison? What's going on? And by the way, you got 14 hours logged in the kitchen. How about another 14 minutes? You make some nice cranberry sauce and beautiful relish. And I don't like. And by the way, once in a while you get this jack off. Oh, I like the canned stuff. Shut up. You like the canned stuff better. Once you get a Swanson's turkey in it.

1:17:41 Drew Open the can and hand them a spoon.

1:17:43 Sugarcult I was about to be that guy.

1:17:44 Adam I would stab you with this.

1:17:46 Sugarcult I was like, actually kind of like it.

1:17:48 Drew You do?

1:17:49 Sugarcult It's sort of like this way. Spoon.

1:17:50 Drew Jell-o. Jell-o.

1:17:51 Adam It's like Jell-o. The fresh, once you go fresh, you never go, what rhymes with fresh, but seems like mash.

1:18:00 Drew Mash, lash.

1:18:00 Adam Yeah, OK, we're going to work on that. The point is, is the fresh stuff is collectible. And it's easy. It is so easy. Open. It's right on the back of the package, by the way.

1:18:12 Drew They're plastic packages.

1:18:14 Adam Yeah, it's like a pillowcase of cranberries. OK.

1:18:17 Sugarcult Like fresh cranberries, frozen cranberries.

1:18:20 Drew They're fresh in the bag, like by the strawberries.

1:18:23 Adam Fresh whole cranberries. You get them in the produce section.

1:18:25 Sugarcult You've never seen the directions on the back.

1:18:28 Adam That's what it is. It's ignorance. People don't know. That's why I wear that.

1:18:31 Drew It's obviously a very complicated recipe.

1:18:33 Sugarcult Think about how much better guacamole is when you make it yourself.

1:18:38 Drew Marco.

1:18:40 Adam Bingo, buddy.

1:18:41 Drew Right on. It would have to be gelatinized guacamole to be as bad as cranberry sauce becomes. Yeah.

1:18:47 Adam Now, this is fantastic. One cup of sugar or a little bit less. One cup of water and one sack of cranberries. By the way, people think, oh, this is is there some sort of fermentation process that goes on? Does it need to steep? No. Five minutes. As soon as you bring it to a boil, just lower it down.

1:19:03 Drew Can you ruin it if you leave it simmering too long?

1:19:06 Adam You could you could make you could drop a deuce into it, a deuce floater and it would not ruin it. Yeah. You would eat right around it. It would not. It would add to it.

1:19:15 Sugarcult It's an impressive homemade cranberry sauce. I like it from scratch.

1:19:19 Adam I do it. I do it every year and oftentimes I bring it to my aunt Pat's house and she always gives me the stink eye because I am like the hero. I got my own. Yeah.

1:19:28 Drew No, no, no. Mr. Celebrity son-in-law. I am.

1:19:32 Adam But she's being she's being shown up by the Hollywood jackass who makes his own creole. Your ass doesn't stink, huh, son? Can't eat the can't eat the generic cranberry sauce with us.

1:19:41 Drew You guys are having a good time, right?

1:19:44 Adam I don't dare everybody. And then I get drunk and start mouthing off about it.

1:19:48 Sugarcult How do you make the canned white trash cranberry sauce from scratch? Now that'd be impressive.

1:19:53 Adam That can mold.

1:19:54 He's on to something.

1:19:56 Adam Interesting. Here's what I think. I think if you poured it into a container and you put it in the refrigerator, it's sort of gelatinizes a little bit.

1:20:04 Drew If you've strained everything out of it, well, oh, you want to get if you want this to jello without the whole pieces in it.

1:20:13 Adam Yeah, it's interesting. You might actually have put a little jello in it. Yeah. There we go.

1:20:20 Drew Don't take calls. Do not take calls. No more calls.

1:20:23 Adam What did Drew say?

1:20:25 Sugarcult Calls. No calls.

1:20:26 Adam No calls. No calls. Funny. Madison? How do you like me now? You're 17. What's going on?

1:20:35 Caller Well, I've been in two sexual relationships, only one, this last one I'm in right now. I've actually had an intercourse and I cannot orgasm for anything, not for oral sex, not for intercourse, nothing.

1:20:50 Drew You're 17. Most women don't have an orgasm until they're in their early 20s. Are you kidding? I'm not kidding. There's about 10-20% that will have lots of orgasms from the age of 8 on, but the most do not really come online until about 20, 22, and even then only with oral sex. You're fine. The bewildering part about this, I must tell you, and I think most men would agree with me on this, if you don't have the orgasm, why are you having sex? Can you imagine a guy? Imagine a man like, well, I have sex with no orgasm. Guys would stop. They would not do that.

1:21:23 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Are we making a point? I was thinking about cranberries. Madison? Yeah, you're 17. That's fine. You got to give yourself a little bit to get online. You got to get that coos online. That's where it is. That's all right. You're cool. Just relax. Give her the guy you like. Take it slow. Fine. Don't get pregnant. All right. Don't do anything you don't want to do. Friends Mom's Praying is doing math. Oh, hold on. I think it's time to play Ace in the Hole, Ace.

1:22:09 Drew In the Hole, Ace in the Hole, Ace in the Hole, Ace in the Hole.

1:27:51 Adam Hey everyone, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. And that's Dr. Drew. Yeah! Woo! Sugarcult in the studio tonight. We are going to hop back to the phones. Let's just talk to, Chris here has been on hold for 122 minutes. I feel bad for it. Chris? Sorry, buddy.

1:28:13 Adam Oh, man, thank you so much for taking my call.

1:28:16 Adam I wanted to talk to you about two hours ago, but Drew said no.

1:28:19 Sugarcult It sounded like he fell asleep. We just woke him up.

1:28:20 Adam Oh, I know. I was kind of dozing off. Oh, Sugarcult, you guys are awesome. I saw you guys play at Warped Tour. You guys played really good.

1:28:27 Sugarcult Oh, thanks. Where?

1:28:28 Adam And you know, wait, when you guys played in Chicago, you know at the Twitter Center?

1:28:33 Sugarcult Yeah.

1:28:33 Adam Yeah, so yeah.

1:28:35 Sugarcult It was late at night.

1:28:35 Sugarcult Yeah, we got to play last.

1:28:37 Adam So that was pretty cool. But I had two questions for Dr. Drew. Okay, the first question is, does sperm die when it hits the air?

1:28:47 Drew Not immediately, no.

1:28:49 Adam Not immediately, like how much time does it take?

1:28:51 Drew Basically, it takes when it dries out. And it takes to evaporate.

1:28:55 Adam Yeah, now if you try to use it, it depends, like if you use it after an hour, if you inseminate someone with it after like an hour, a teenager will come out.

1:29:06 Drew Oh, that's what you're saying.

1:29:07 Adam Do it right before it dries, you get like a 65 year old.

1:29:09 Drew Either a big baby.

1:29:11 Adam No, no, it's the whole sexual age times 100. You see what I'm saying?

1:29:16 Adam Uh-huh, but okay, like here's the situation. I live with my sister and her girlfriend, my sister's 19 and her girlfriend's 21, and they want to have a baby, but they don't want to, you know, have to pay for artificial insemination and they want to try it themselves. So, and they want to use me as a donor. So like they've been trying to use a turkey baster.

1:29:35 Caller What the hell is going on?

1:29:39 Adam You've been on hold for 122 minutes for this nonsense?

1:29:43 Sugarcult Just make sure you don't give it to your sister. Make sure it's for her girlfriend.

1:29:46 Adam It's for her girlfriend.

1:29:47 Adam Like, I don't know what they're doing, but you know, there's a obviously it's a bogus call.

1:29:51 Adam I swear to God, you're telling me right now. Hold on.

1:29:54 Adam This is this is this is like you. Come on, buddy. You're drunk and retarded. And you're going, no, I swear I'm not. You shouldn't be arguing. You should be arguing.

1:30:04 Drew But I think this is not really on bogus.

1:30:06 Adam Really? Chris.

1:30:08 Adam Yeah.

1:30:09 Adam Your sister wants to give birth to her nephew.

1:30:12 Adam My sister's girlfriend wants to have a baby and they want to use me as a donor.

1:30:16 Adam Did they realize who you?

1:30:19 Sugarcult What? You sure you live in Chicago?

1:30:21 Adam No, I live in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, but I.

1:30:23 Adam Now it's making sense.

1:30:25 Drew Chris, what kind of hell and chaos do you and your sister come from?

1:30:30 Adam What do you mean?

1:30:31 Adam Well, your sister's a lesbian. You're living with her and she's floating the turkey baster.

1:30:38 Adam No, but they just want to have a baby. They don't want to have to go through. They don't have to have to pay for artificial insemination.

1:30:42 Drew Yeah, they're too young to have a baby. No babies. No babies. Nobody or she should be having babies.

1:30:48 Adam What do you...

1:30:48 Drew It's a horrible idea.

1:30:50 Adam What do you do, Chris?

1:30:51 Adam Oh, I go to school right now.

1:30:53 Adam I'm going to go out on a limb and go to junior college.

1:30:55 Adam Yeah, I knew you were going to say that.

1:30:57 Adam Am I right?

1:30:58 Drew What's your sister doing? How are you...

1:30:59 Adam I need the confirmation on junior college. Am I right?

1:31:02 Adam Yeah.

1:31:03 Adam Would you please drop out of junior college and do something with your life?

1:31:06 Adam Okay.

1:31:07 Drew Your sister and her girlfriend, what do they do? How would they support a baby?

1:31:09 Adam My sister's girlfriend, she's a nurse. And my sister, she's a resident aide to her. They work at an assisted living center, you know, for like old people.

1:31:18 Drew When they're 30, they can have a baby. You guys all got to think this through a lot more clearly. This is not a good situation.

1:31:25 Adam And by the way, to get some old guy sperm, you know what I mean?

1:31:29 Drew Pass it out and just give it a little milk. It's okay that they use Chris even if he is in a position to really think it through about what it means to him that he's going to have his son with his girlfriend's, his sister's girlfriend, which is a crazy boundary problem. Could be okay, but I don't want an 18-year-old making that decision, nor do I want 21-year-olds to come from chaos living with their brother raising a baby just yet.

1:31:51 Adam By the way, this is why I say you need to, you must, here's what I say, by law you have to say junior college if it's junior college because you talk to a guy like Chris, he's like, I'm going to come a student, I'm going to college, and you're like, what?

1:32:04 Drew I'm still disturbed by the guy that brought up the string theory about a week ago. Remember that? The guy sounded mentally deficient and he goes, oh yeah, I'm doing my PhD on string theory.

1:32:13 Adam Oh yeah, right. I thought you meant silly string. Yeah. Okay, but Drew, but don't crap on me.

1:32:19 Drew No, I'm making your point.

1:32:19 Adam No, you're not making my point.

1:32:21 Drew Go ahead.

1:32:21 Adam You're making, how are you making my point?

1:32:23 Drew That people should have to, there should be a Geneva Convention on just admitting that when you're a junior college, just give it a beat, yes, and then go on.

1:32:31 Adam Right. Except for you're.

1:32:33 Drew My point was that guy was in junior college and he would argue with us.

1:32:35 Adam No, he was a genius. You're talking about the guy who, I thought you were talking about the guy who graduated at 16. That's the guy who went to, went to Ivy League school and got out at 16.

1:32:46 Drew I think we're confused.

1:32:47 Adam Two different guys.

1:32:48 Drew Two guys, yeah.

1:32:50 Adam Yeah. All right. Well, listen, I smoke a little weed once in a while. You know, what are you going to do?

1:32:55 Drew So that is the one thing I got on you, is memory.

1:32:59 Adam Yeah.

1:32:59 Drew That's about the only thing, though. But I can't remember things of any.

1:33:03 Adam No, you, I'll tell you what you can remember. You can remember it as soon as everyone else determines it is important. You can't remember it.

1:33:09 Caller Right.

1:33:10 Drew It's irrelevant detail.

1:33:11 Caller Right.

1:33:11 Adam All right. Here's my point. You have to sound off and say it's junior college. If you say, yeah, okay, but by, okay, all right, we'll talk off the air. Kara?

1:33:22 Caller Yes.

1:33:23 Adam You're 21?

1:33:24 Caller Yes, sir. Mm-hmm. My question is, I've been with my boyfriend for about five years and he won't like touch me from the waist down and pretty much I have to like beg him to like have sex with me even.

1:33:41 Drew How old is he?

1:33:42 Caller He's 22.

1:33:44 Drew Anything about him we should know?

1:33:47 Caller Not that I know of. I'm like his first serious girlfriend he's ever had, obviously, because he was 17 and I was 16 when we started going out.

1:33:57 Drew Four years.

1:33:58 Adam It's run its course.

1:34:00 Drew Have you ever had sex together?

1:34:02 Caller Yes.

1:34:03 Drew Has he ever been sort of touchy that way with you?

1:34:06 Caller He's really kind of sensitive about it. Like the first time we did it, it took like 15 seconds. And then he like freaked out and was like, we need to get you morning after pill and all this stuff. And I was like, whoa.

1:34:19 Drew Is he a very, very religious gentleman?

1:34:22 Caller No, he's not. Not at all.

1:34:24 Drew But he won't touch you below the waist?

1:34:26 Caller No.

1:34:27 Drew Maybe, Adam, me.

1:34:29 Adam I don't know. You guys have been together for four years. You've been together since you were, like, in the 10th or 11th grade.

1:34:34 Drew Yeah, but he never was that way.

1:34:35 Adam Well, whatever. I can't sort this one out other than to say it's my rule that if you've been dating since the 11th grade and you're now, like, a senior in college, it's time to break up. Otherwise, what happens? Two years goes by and you got to get married.

1:34:52 Drew Right.

1:34:52 Adam It's a weird thing. It's like there's a certain threshold that you cross, which is, well, we started dating in the 10th grade and now we're 24. We call it quits now. By the way, you've not developed it all socially.

1:35:08 Drew Right.

1:35:08 Adam You've just been that obnoxious couple of walks with the hand in each other's pockets and is constantly making out in the quad that everyone can't stand.

1:35:15 Sugarcult Are you a pretty sexual person?

1:35:17 Adam I don't know what you know, Kara?

1:35:20 Caller I'm, like, horny all the time, which I really don't understand because...

1:35:24 Sugarcult How often do you guys have sex?

1:35:27 Caller Um, maybe, like, once a week.

1:35:29 Adam All right.

1:35:30 Sugarcult Well, that's not totally...

1:35:31 Drew Maybe it's just an imbalance, yeah.

1:35:32 Sugarcult You've gone out for five years because, you know, I've, uh, hmm. You've experienced this?

1:35:37 Adam Maybe it's not...

1:35:37 Sugarcult Well, yeah, sometimes, you know, she's, like, saying, you know, this guy is completely asexual. That was kind of the impression that I got off the bat. Like, immediately, I thought, well, like, what? He never has sex, like, ever?

1:35:48 Drew Or is he gay?

1:35:50 Sugarcult Is it once a month? But once a week, he hasn't been going out for five years. I don't know.

1:35:55 Sugarcult Did he used to have sex more often?

1:36:00 Drew Is the fact that he won't do it what's making you so preoccupied about it?

1:36:05 Caller Maybe. I don't know.

1:36:09 Adam Ask him to step it up if he won't. I think he can break up. Not because of this, just because you've been together for five years, and you guys are maybe a mismatch sexually. It happens every once in a while.

1:36:19 Sugarcult You're very young to be together with someone for that long, especially if you have any concerns like this.

1:36:26 Adam A little discrepancy in the sexual metronome. Amber? Amber?

1:36:34 Caller Yeah?

1:36:36 Adam Sorry for disturbing your evening, but you called the show. Okay. Just tell the band they rock so we can get the hell out of here and get rid of you.

1:36:45 Caller You guys rock. There we go.

1:36:48 Adam I saw you guys tonight in Long Beach and said you rock. And then this poor person's been on hold for 103 minutes. Freddie?

1:36:57 Caller Yeah.

1:36:58 Adam 17.

1:36:59 Caller Finally.

1:36:59 Adam Yeah, buddy.

1:37:03 Caller I've been waiting for like hours on end since the show had started.

1:37:07 Caller First, I want to say thank you for taking the call.

1:37:09 Caller Second, I want to say thank you to Sugarcult.

1:37:12 Caller You guys, like your music is awesome.

1:37:14 Adam Good. That's enough. Thanks. And then there's Lacey's been on hold for 105 minutes. Drew, what have you been doing? Talking all night? Lacey.

1:37:23 Drew Sleep.

1:37:24 Adam Oh, she's asleep? Lacey.

1:37:27 Drew How do you know she's asleep? You can just hear her breathing.

1:37:29 Adam She's calling from Colorado.

1:37:30 Drew It's two hours later.

1:37:31 Adam No, no, it's Saturday. Saturday. She froze. Oh, I hear her.

1:37:35 Drew You can hear her breathing?

1:37:37 Adam Really? Yeah. Hello. It would hurt the self-esteem of many a talk show host to realize that a fair.

1:37:52 Drew Portion of their listeners is actually sleeping.

1:37:54 Adam It's fun when you find the fat guys snores.

1:37:56 Caller Really?

1:37:57 Adam Have you had that?

1:38:00 Drew This is one guy.

1:38:03 Caller That's so wrong.

1:38:05 Adam My biggest fan. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:38:09 Sugarcult All right, guys.

1:38:33 Drew Poor Sugarcult has to stand there while we...

1:38:35 Adam Well, we were just talking radio theory.

1:38:38 Sugarcult Almost a fist fight. We had to break something up there.

1:38:40 Adam No, Drew and I...

1:38:41 Drew Oh, you've seen that.

1:38:42 Adam Yeah, you should. Oh, yeah.

1:38:43 Drew That's a very uncomfortable one.

1:38:44 Adam We have fights through pounce. I yell, then I get angry.

1:38:47 Sugarcult The guests have to break up the fight.

1:38:49 Adam We've really exposed some guests to some Horrible, very shameful. But we're like an old couple that goes at it, you know. We don't mind. Let the neighbors call.

1:38:59 Sugarcult So, do you guys always do the show naked or is it just for us?

1:39:01 Drew How dare you?

1:39:01 Adam Well, it's...

1:39:02 Sugarcult Yeah, that was kind of bizarre. I thought you guys... I'm more aware of clothes.

1:39:05 Drew Well, I'm wearing underwear.

1:39:06 Adam Yeah, it's not naked. Stand up with the flap. All right, Sugarcult, everyone, go out and get the CD, Palm Trees and Power Lines. I am going to take my Sugarcult CD home. Thank you for... You can't take it. Thanks, guys. Best of luck. Thanks for having us. Hopefully, we'll see you back in soon. Give our love to Green Day Inn, Blink 1A2. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo.

1:39:33 Trying to control you in an aspect during the daytime, but in the bedroom, we'll bend over and take a good ass, Pavlin.

1:39:40 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:39:45 Sugarcult The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station.

1:39:53 Adam The producer for Loveline is Aningold.

1:39:55 Adam Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, November 23, 2004