4:28
Voiceover
Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Sexually-oriented content.
4:39
Voiceover
Listener discretion is advised.
4:40
Voiceover
Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised.
4:52
Voiceover
Hey, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-E-191. Dr. Drew, board-certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Kerry Dorn from CSI, who was going to join us last night, going to join us tonight, is not able to make it last night or tonight. They're shooting something and who knows what. But here's the whole thing. I look at no guests the same way I looked at a substitute school teacher when I was in junior high. I'm like, I have to do less.
5:21
Drew
We did a week without guests.
5:23
Adam
I don't have to do anything.
5:25
Drew
That's why you've been in such a good mood is the weakest progress. You've gotten more and more euphoric.
5:30
Adam
There cannot be another talk show host who looks forward to not having guests.
5:35
Drew
Certainly not as much as you do.
5:36
Adam
No. I look at them as a burden.
5:38
Drew
Yes.
5:39
Adam
Even though I love many of them, it's like, wow, I got to talk about them.
5:43
Drew
Yeah, you love them.
5:43
Adam
No, I want to talk about me.
5:45
Drew
Well, you have to read something about them. You have to pay attention to them.
5:49
Adam
Oh my god.
5:49
Drew
Speak to them. You love them. Love them.
5:51
Adam
What about eye contact?
5:52
Drew
Eye contact. Make nice, small talk.
5:55
Adam
And then what about the uncomfortable silence during the commercials when we ask them if they want to go to the bathroom with us? They think it's weird and gay. We feel weird because we get up and go whiz together. And then we're like, you want to come whiz? And they're like, uh.
6:08
Drew
I'm comfortable myself. I don't know if you've got a problem with that.
6:10
Adam
I do notice it. And not only that, I watch 10 Minutes of CSI tonight. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, he's the black guy with the blue eyes. Yeah, I've never seen CSI. I think I'm the only guy on the planet who's never seen the only other guy besides Drew who hasn't seen CSI on the planet. But I actually watched it tonight, not with the sound up. I was skipping rope. But I watched it. You know what I noticed? This show horrible wounds on that show. And I think to myself, we can't see a little ass crack, but I got to see a sprinkler key going through a guy's trachea and hanging out. And then it's like, they pull it out, and they're close up on it. And there's a huge gaping hole in this woman's trachea. It's wide open. I've sort of, you don't know, you turn the sound down. You just skip rope, and I've sort of, I had to look down at my feet. I was like, I'm going to vomit here. And then I realized, what the hell is going on with this country? We were freaked out over what's her name, dropping the towel at the beginning of the Monday Night Football, and the boob gate, and the towel gate, and all this kind of stuff. Someone's lying dead on a slab with a huge hole in their neck. No, that's fine. Joe Rogan is screaming like a junior college football coach at some playmate who's devouring goat testes that are covered in maggots and sebum. And it's like, yeah, that's fine. That's prime time.
7:36
Drew
It's good.
7:38
Adam
What about offending people's sensibilities? Not all of us are in the priesthood.
7:43
Drew
You understand? Aesthetic sensibilities.
7:45
Adam
Aesthetic sensibilities.
7:46
Drew
Forget sexual sensibilities. Yeah.
7:48
Adam
For most right thinking adults, the female body, beautiful, it's, go, do your history. Every guy, what do we have? Let me ask you, true, let me ask you. Multiple choice. The great sculptors of the past, they would sculpt the maggot encrusted goat nads or naked woman for the love of effing Christ. What's going on? Jesus Christ, I got to see people just, oh, oh, oh, he's vomiting, oh good, he caught it. He's putting it back in his mouth, so counts. Yeah, yeah. Now, if any of the vomit, if any of the eviscerated goat nad had actually hit the floor, mixed with his own bile would have been out, but he was smart enough to catch it in his sleeve and then force it back in his mouth. Oh, some's dripping out your nose. That's eight o'clock in the evening. The ass crack, we got to tile that out. Put the tile over that. Fuzzy ass crack out, everybody. We all have ass crack. Do you understand? I want to see some ass crack.
8:50
Drew
We have tracheas, too.
8:51
Adam
I want to see some ass crack. All I need is a mirror and a weed whacker. I'll see some ass crack. You're damn right I'll see some ass crack.
8:58
Drew
You need one of those saws.
9:01
Adam
The ones for the hedges?
9:03
Drew
Yeah, the hedge clippers.
9:04
Adam
Okay, one of those, a straight edge razor and acetylene cutting torch and a mirror. And I'll see some ass crack. I'll see my own. Am I right, Drew?
9:13
Drew
You're right.
9:13
Adam
What's going on?
9:14
Drew
I know. Listen, they just had a hearing in Capitol Hill about pornography addiction, which is a problem. But how that led to Scott Peterson murdering his wife.
9:23
Adam
Of course. Sure. Internet porn.
9:26
Drew
That will cause people to kill.
9:28
Adam
Drew, first off, you know what my body count would be if that were true?
9:33
Drew
Oh, thousands. Tens of thousands.
9:35
Adam
You would have been long gone many years ago.
9:37
Drew
Of course. Of course.
9:39
Adam
I would have. I'd be like Dahmer and Manson piled into one.
9:44
Drew
Here's what's cool about what's more reinforcing about that is that that's just from you haven't discovered the Internet porn yet. You can't navigate the Internet. That's just from the stuff you collect.
9:54
Adam
Let me tell you this, too. There's a part, you know, oh, you got to get on there. No, no. I know what happened. I got on there. What else should I do? I trust smoking heroin. You smoke heroin. You didn't really. You really. That's your thing. Yeah. It's great. I'm going to love it. That's same with the Xbox. I watch 26 hours of TiVo a night. Does anyone? You need to get me going with the Xbox, too? That's everything. You got to play. Yeah. Oh, then you hook it up the computer. You play with people.
10:23
Drew
It's an interesting philosophical paradigm, isn't it? In our culture, we think, well, the reason you would get lost in it like that is because you must love it and enjoy it so much so it's your thing, so just go for it, as opposed to it occupying your brain and taking over your motivational systems and causing you to spin out and be not enjoyable and still not able to stop, right?
10:42
Adam
They don't really think that Scott Peterson wants to reach pornography.
10:45
Drew
I've heard that alluded to.
10:47
Adam
All right. Well, here's the point, everybody. I don't want to see Gape being trach-wounds. I want to see some ass-crack, okay? That's all.
10:56
Drew
You're going to be elected on the ass-crack platform.
10:58
Adam
Oh, my God. It was multiple, multiple, long shots tight on a woman with a big hole in her trachea laid out on a slab. That's not disturbing. I wouldn't... I would find that if, you know, if you got an 11-year-old, that's not disturbing at all. Hey, buddy. That's a dead person. Yeah. She got her head blown off. Fantastic. God willing, one day... And by the way, like I said, do the ass math. What do you want your kid doing in life? Looking at a boob, doing a little humping or walking around with a gaping hole in the trachea?
11:33
Drew
Or delivering.
11:34
Adam
Or delivering one. Yeah. Adrienne?
11:37
Drew
Yes.
11:38
Adam
Twenty-six?
11:39
Yes.
11:40
Adam
What's happening?
11:43
I wanted to change my question. He had asked me what was my question, and I had said it was about social skills. I wanted to change it and ask Dr. Drew about how to deal with post-traumatic stress disorder.
11:56
Drew
Uh-oh, that's you? You have post-traumatic stress disorder?
11:59
Adam
What happened?
12:02
Drew
What caused your post-traumatic stress disorder?
12:06
Abuse that happened to me while growing up.
12:09
Drew
What kind of abuse?
12:11
Um, physical, sexual, emotional, psychological.
12:17
Drew
Because you would have it.
12:19
Yeah, well, I know I have it. And I'm going to counseling right now to deal with some of those issues. But I guess my question is, is whenever I have flashbacks or not so much the nightmares because the nightmares I can wake up and quickly get into reality, into the present tense, my question is, is how can I do, how can I handle the flashbacks like, let's say if I'm at work or outside?
12:49
Adam
What do you do?
12:50
Drew
What kind of work do you do?
12:52
I'm a security officer.
12:54
Adam
Security officer. That's great.
12:56
Drew
Great job for some of the PTSD having flashbacks.
12:58
Wait, no, wait, don't. No.
13:00
Adam
Well, I'm guessing they don't give you a gun, right?
13:03
No, no guns.
13:04
Adam
Just mace. Alright. Let me tell you something. I got to believe most of the guys, most security, who they don't give guns to, I know you think it's like a liability, they're going to shoot somebody. It's not really the training part. It's that they're worse than most of the people that are breaking into the warehouse, ultimately.
13:23
Drew
Do you just fight and fire with fire?
13:25
Adam
I do think so, yeah.
13:37
Drew
Do you freeze when you get stressed or threatened?
13:40
No. The thing is that I work graveyard shifts from 8 to 4, and so nothing ever happens during the shifts I work.
13:48
Drew
Yeah, but worried to happen, do you tend to freeze when you're under stress?
13:53
No, I kind of just disassociate.
13:55
Drew
That's the freeze response. You go out of your body kind of thing.
13:58
Adam
I was just getting counseling.
13:59
Drew
Adrienne, but she's asking a specific question about flashbacks, and the fact that you are getting treatment is great, and the fact that you can be so specific about your question suggests your treatment is going well. I think some people would say that biofeedback or EMDR, the rapid eye movement therapies, might be useful for that specific kind of symptom.
14:18
Adam
And we have Ashley up here, she's 16, triple D, bra size. Where is F? Where's the order to this thing?
14:30
Drew
Remember, we had some bar manufacturer call us one time.
14:32
Adam
I know, but everyone, please listen how it goes, A cup, you know, this is the bra size, B cup, C cup, D cup, double D. What, what, what? First off, why double D?
14:44
Drew
Why not just E?
14:44
Adam
Let's go to E, that's, that's where we were heading, you established that pattern. Look, one, two, three, four, four, four, five, six, it's like, why'd you say four three times? Why, well, we should be at seven by now. Just do that. What did, it drives me nuts. I never know where I am. All right. Double D and then evidently triple D and then it goes to like F or something.
15:11
Drew
There's no E.
15:11
Adam
I don't know if there's an E. I wasn't even sure you came after T. Look, I went to North Hollywood. What do I know? Ashley? Triple D?
15:21
Caller
Uh-huh.
15:22
Adam
Mm-hmm. And one D, is there an E bra or do you go to F?
15:27
Caller
There is an E bra actually and then there's F and then after that you have to have them specially made.
15:33
Mm-hmm.
15:35
Mm-hmm.
15:37
Adam
And you really don't need the word specially made. You know, you could just say made and I'm thinking about it in life. I'm looking to save time. You have to have made. You say you have to have made.
15:46
Drew
Would you say custom made?
15:47
Adam
No, just say have made.
15:48
Drew
If you have something made, it's custom.
15:51
Adam
What's different?
15:51
Drew
Well, custom made implies you had it measured specifically. Made could just be, well, if you have to make, we have to make, we don't make enough of them so we make these. You have to order them.
15:59
Adam
But if you have something made, it's going to be.
16:02
Drew
It's applied. It's applied.
16:03
Adam
All right. Half a touche. Ashley, thanks for crapping on my point. Of course. Ashley. Please. You are. Are you looking to get a breast reduction? Yeah, I am. Oh, well, we've got good news. First, we got great news. Chief Thunder Bear. Oh my God. I saw him in the hall. He does some plastic surgery. Yeah. He's he's he has a dual certification. You know, that really does gynecology and plastic surgery.
16:30
Drew
I don't have very respect for these guys that go outside their field just to collect a few extra bucks.
16:36
Adam
Well, he's certified in plastic surgery.
16:38
Drew
No, he's not.
16:39
Adam
He is board certified in plastics.
16:42
Drew
No way. Cosmetics. Cosmetics. He told me through a translator to talk to him that you lost something to translate.
16:48
Adam
Is there a difference between plastic surgery surgery and cosmetic surgery? Cosmetics is just Botox injection, plastic surgery, they're taking African kids and get rid of their hair loss and stuff.
17:00
Drew
But Ashley, how tall are you?
17:03
Caller
Um, I'm 5'9.
17:04
Adam
Okay, well, all right, well, hold on, let me just go get him before you. I don't want to offend him anymore.
17:09
Drew
Okay, all right, he may have heard this, huh?
17:11
Adam
Well, he usually listens to Arrow. Yeah, that's what they pump into the, they pump into the hole there. He plays Tetris. Let me go get him. I got him in here. Thunder Bear! Thunder Bear! He's coming.
17:44
Drew
Hello, Chief. How are you?
17:46
Adam
Good evening. Thank you. Thank you.
17:49
Drew
To your family as well.
17:50
Adam
Tetris 175,000.
17:53
Drew
Well done. We don't have the Indian letters. We'll get to work on that. Chief. I'll translate for you.
18:19
Adam
Ashley's on the phone. Ashley.
18:48
Drew
He was telling me that you have a certification of OBGYN, of course.
19:06
Adam
But he also mentioned you had a plastic surgery board.
19:09
Drew
Your idea is to perfect the female form, I understand that. Of course. I know, we'll get to the breast, call in a second. But I know you're trying to improve the appearance of the country, one breast at a time, thank you.
19:23
Adam
What can I get you?
19:25
Drew
She's calling. Well, Ashley, Ashley, the Chief would like to speak with you.
19:28
Caller
Hello.
19:28
Drew
Go ahead, ask the Chief your dilemma, your question.
19:32
Caller
Well, I'm only 16 and I was just wondering how long should I wait until I consider getting a breast reduction?
19:40
Adam
Move on, big can, hey, put them blood in totem pole, hey, big boob man.
19:54
Drew
Ashley. You need to know, sort of, have you tried losing weight? Are you overweight right now?
20:07
Caller
I was Triple D before, and I was over 200, and then...
20:12
Adam
Hey, Buffalo meat.
20:14
Drew
Oh, hey, relax, Chief. Hey, JI.
20:20
Adam
What?
20:20
Drew
So you've tried losing weight. Have you lost some breast size with the weight loss?
20:24
Caller
No, I haven't. I'm just 160 right now, and I can't really talk to any of it.
20:28
Adam
Ain't it, check it out.
20:30
Drew
Okay, you need the Chief's help, then, you were saying. And I want to be clear on this, Chief, because sometimes things get lost in the translation. Off the breast for a second. Hang on. Do you have a board certification of plastic surgery or cosmetic surgery?
20:46
Adam
It's a little different. Well, it's a little different.
20:58
Drew
It's a good book, Chief.
20:59
Adam
You might enjoy it.
21:00
Drew
You might enjoy it.
21:01
Adam
We using ceremonial fire.
21:04
Drew
Relax. Okay, Ashley. Please, we sent the tone here, Chief. You've been a little unprofessional. Please, will you say, listen, we need some peace, please.
21:29
Adam
So, Ashley, he'll be with you again in a second.
21:31
Drew
So, he thinks he can help you and he thinks, though, that you're a little young to have a breast reduction. Have you looked into this? I mean, other than talking to the Chief, you have?
21:40
Caller
My sister-in-law, she got one because she was, like, way bigger than, big can be, actually.
21:48
Drew
Oh, hold on, Chief.
21:50
Adam
Thunder Bear.
21:51
Drew
Chief, the Chief is getting bigger than Big, interestingly enough.
21:53
Adam
Pitch him, pitch him, TP in sweatpants.
21:58
Hey, hey, hey. You have number of sister-in-law.
22:09
Adam
They use extra breast, dry, make Pamican for winter. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, what's that?
22:21
Drew
We'll pick it up here, Chief. He's got a little patient. By the way, Michelle, get the Chief some coffee before he freaks out. Chris, a little slow on the up beat here. Yeah. Okay, so actually generally. Generally. Actually, they do try to weight to you about 18, the Chief says, because there can be some further growth, they can grow back even after a reduction. And these reductions are surgeries, the risk of anesthesia and bleeding infection, scarring. So you just kind of say what the weight, Chief, would you agree, the weight loss?
22:52
Adam
Well, yeah, and then, check it.
22:53
Drew
Well, okay, the Chief is interested.
22:54
Adam
Plenty of stream water and run-up mountain.
22:57
Drew
The Chief is interested in making some money, too, of course, and so he's...
23:00
Adam
Mm-hmm, I know, don't do a reduction, only augmentation. Mm-hmm. May put third boob on.
23:07
Mm-hmm.
23:09
Drew
What do you call that in your language?
23:11
Adam
Hey, uh, hey, try, hey, in the muck, hey, uh, uh, munt, hey, uh, munt. Oh, poetic.
23:16
Mm-hmm.
23:17
Drew
So actually, hang on, weight loss, exercise, just hang in there, okay?
23:20
Adam
Yeah, hey.
23:29
Drew
All right. This caller is going to teach you, Chief, about how bra sizes work. Do you think we're going to get Corolla for that? Or you...
23:35
Adam
Mm-hmm. Hey, wanna shake a dew off lily, play Tetris.
23:43
Drew
Thank you for joining us. Excellent. New skills, too. We didn't know he had plastic. I still don't clear what he is he's born in, but it was something. It's something. Wow. Okay, chief. Yeah. Thanks. Thanks. It's great. You're great. No.
24:02
Hey, Corolla.
24:04
Drew
Kick his ass, will you?
24:05
Adam
What's up?
24:06
Drew
He's bugging me a little bit.
24:07
Adam
I can't. He's got that weird Indian strength. You know how there's retard strength? They got Indian strength. And then there's retard Indian strength. I don't ever mess with one of them.
24:17
Drew
No, no, no.
24:18
Adam
They'll give you that burn thing on your wrist, and then they grab you and they just keep working it.
24:23
Drew
Indian sunburn.
24:23
Adam
That's what they'll do.
24:24
Drew
They'll give you noogies, too, while they're at it.
24:26
Adam
No, they're more, that's a different tribe. It's the noogie tribe. They're in Oklahoma.
24:31
Drew
Eva is going to explain to you the bra size and how they work.
24:34
Adam
Oh, I know. But we always get this, and it doesn't satisfy us. I know. Eva?
24:39
Hello.
24:40
Adam
What's up?
24:44
Drew
That's what I thought. You were the one.
24:45
Adam
What's up?
24:46
There is a…
24:47
It goes A, B, C, D. The E size is actually in Europe. It goes A, B, C, D, E, F, G in Europe.
24:57
Drew
What does it do here?
24:57
Adam
Oh, but no double…
25:02
Drew
What is the history of that? I think I remember asking you this last time. Where did that come from?
25:05
I was talking to some of the people that I worked with, and they were like… They didn't know either, because I remember listening to you guys talking about this all the time. They didn't have an answer either.
25:19
Adam
It had to be some way to make money or for fat chicks not to think they were fat.
25:24
Drew
Or for something for press. Like, Marilyn Monroe is a… We had to double the size, double D.
25:33
A good example of it is, they say that Angelina Jolie is a 36C, there's no way. She's way too skinny. She has to be a 34 double D or a 34 triple.
25:43
Drew
Why?
25:44
That would be…
25:45
Adam
Hold on. Hold on, boob genius.
25:47
Drew
Why?
25:48
Adam
Hold on. You got… First off, I know more about boobs than she does. I've been squeezing them and looking at them for half my life.
25:55
Drew
Looking.
25:56
Adam
Looking.
25:57
Drew
Looking is not… That's kind of…
25:58
Adam
In my mind, I've been squeezing them.
26:00
Drew
Leering, staring.
26:01
Adam
Here's my point. All right. Here's my point. Angelina Jolie has a decent chest, but it's not double D. It's not 34 double D. It's not 34 triple D. She could be a 34C.
26:18
Drew
That's what she claims.
26:19
Adam
No. She said 36C is what she claims.
26:22
Drew
I beg your pardon.
26:23
Adam
Eva? Why? Because she's too small a person?
26:26
They have a small frame in the rib cage. How they measure the size is determined by the rib cage.
26:32
Drew
The number.
26:33
Adam
I'm here, but she could be a 30. Why couldn't she be a 34?
26:36
Drew
Adam has written a dissertation on this.
26:38
Well, she could be, but if she's wearing a 36C and her waist is that small, women generally who would come in that I would measure, would think that everyone, most women want to think they're a 36C. They don't, you know, most women don't know very much about their bodies.
26:53
Adam
Yeah, they don't.
26:54
It's true. They don't. And what do they end up being? They think they're a 36C.
26:57
Adam
That's mean.
26:58
And actually.
26:58
Adam
Yeah, I mean, they don't know. You go down the street, you see a chick with a tampon hanging out of her nose. She doesn't know, Drew.
27:04
Drew
We're supposed to put those things. They don't know.
27:06
Adam
They don't know. Most women don't know much about their bodies. What the hell kind of statement is that? It's the truth.
27:13
Drew
So what do they end up being? What is the size they end up being?
27:16
Adam
Because they're half a half a bra size off. They don't know about their body. How dare you attack women?
27:22
I can attack women.
27:24
Adam
You lesbian?
27:25
I need to do that stuff for them.
27:27
Adam
You lesbian?
27:28
Drew
No.
27:29
Adam
It would be a decent gig if you were, though, right?
27:31
Well, a lot of the chicks that came in there weren't hot, though.
27:34
Drew
You know what these girls end up being? Have you ever gone into Victoria's Secret and talked to those women?
27:38
Adam
She doesn't work in a Victoria's Secret.
27:39
Drew
But it's that kind of person.
27:40
I used to work for Nordstrom.
27:41
Drew
But is that the sort of person? They are lipstick. I mean, the nails done and the frill.
27:48
Adam
Do you get to see topless women all day long?
27:53
I used to, yeah. I'm not in that business anymore, but I used to.
27:57
Adam
Who took your place? Can I take your place? What do you do now? Why don't you get out of that business?
28:02
I'm just hiring. Wow.
28:04
Adam
All right. All right. Well, so it goes A, B, C, D, D, D, D, up to triple D.
28:13
F.
28:13
Adam
And then F.
28:14
Mm-hmm.
28:15
Adam
E in Europe.
28:17
Drew
Without the doubling down.
28:19
Adam
No double F.
28:20
Drew
But then F can't be the same as F here.
28:22
Yeah, it's not. F in Europe is actually a triple D. But they do have F.
28:29
Drew
E is double D, F is triple D.
28:31
Which is after the triple D.
28:33
Adam
Do we, by the way, do we need to have a difference in bra size?
28:37
Drew
I suggest you look up Jane Russell, let's look up Jane Russell, look up Jane Russell. There was all this stuff about her breasts in the day. And I bet that's where some of this double D stuff came from. Now you think Howard Hughes manufactured it or invented it as some sort of marketing thing, you know, some sort of, she has a, all right, but you'll never get the answer and you don't want the answer because you end up being wrong. It's going to be hard to get the answer.
29:01
Adam
It's going to be hard to get the answer. Let's move forward.
29:03
Drew
Let's take a break.
29:04
Adam
I never thought I'd say this. I'm tired of boobs.
29:06
Drew
You're not.
29:06
Adam
I'm tired. I'm ready to move forward. All right.
29:09
Drew
All right.
29:10
Adam
We're going to take ourselves a quick break. We'll be right back after this. I'm going to stare at this chick's boobs. Hey, get it on. Give yourselves a hand. Yeah, you don't really get a chance to do that in radio that much.
29:53
Drew
Give yourself a hand. Give yourself a hand, isn't that just filling time?
29:58
Adam
Yeah.
29:59
Drew
Is there anything else?
29:59
Adam
Well, let me explain what give yourselves a hand is. And it's the only time killer white guys have. So black guys go like that. Where are you from? Philadelphia.
30:10
Philadelphia in the house.
30:12
Adam
And they can do a whole show. Watch 90 day pilots. The guy who hosts it does like 20. It's just all the same thing. 20 minutes of that. White guys, we got nothing but give yourselves a hand. That's all we got.
30:23
Drew
Pathetic, pathetic.
30:25
Adam
Yeah, but it's our time killer. But here's a deal. It's the minute in between the rounds. We need a little time to sponge off, get some water, collect ourselves. See Drew, you don't have to be funny.
30:38
Drew
Right.
30:39
Adam
Or entertaining. Or interesting. Or provocative.
30:42
Drew
None of those things.
30:42
Adam
Or smart, or challenging, or thought provoking.
30:44
Drew
I can just be silent.
30:45
Adam
So you don't know what it's like to be funny. And you know, if you gotta be funny, you gotta be funny like every 30 seconds. You can't be funny every 10 minutes.
30:52
Drew
Does not sound like fun.
30:53
Adam
All right, well give yourself a hand while I think of something, would you? All right, I'm not done yet.
30:58
Drew
Michelle, give yourself a hand.
30:59
Adam
Michelle, give yourself a hand.
31:01
Drew
She wasn't giving me a hand, she was giving herself a hand.
31:03
Adam
And then there's the compound when I break it up. Michelle's doing a great job. Give her a hand, everybody. Give her a hand. No, don't give yourself a hand. All right, now Michelle, give Drew a hand. She's doing a great job, isn't he? You guys are great.
31:12
Drew
Let's give that guy a hand.
31:13
Adam
Let's give him a hand. Let's give everybody a hand. Meanwhile, I want you to give me a hand thinking of something funny to say. As a matter of fact. Thank you. Give yourself a hand. All right, where are you from? I'd like to do, I'd like to be a black comic and just do that. Where are you from? Cincinnati. Cincinnati in the house. Where are you from? Detroit. Detroit in the, you just do about 45 minutes set. I just yell, everyone's in the house. All right, but then the white guy, give yourself a hand. See, that's our thing.
31:45
Drew
I like this more interesting. Scott, 24.
31:47
Adam
Oh yeah, no, no, it clearly takes more talent to yell the name of the city after the guy says he was in it. Yeah. Scott, oh, here's, by the way, let me say this too. You don't have anything good to say, don't ask.
32:00
Drew
Right.
32:01
Adam
If all you got is Louisiana in the house, don't ask where the guy's from. Scott?
32:09
Hey, how are you?
32:11
Adam
What's happening? 24.
32:12
It's an honor to talk to you guys.
32:14
Adam
Scott, hold on. Where are you calling from?
32:16
Caller
Northern California.
32:17
Adam
Northern Calif, that doesn't work that good. Give me a city.
32:22
Caller
Sacramento.
32:23
Sacramento in the house!
32:26
Adam
And then Sacramento, and then we do this. Give it up for Sacramento! Now give yourselves a hand. Yeah. Scott, give yourself a hand, would you?
32:36
Caller
Yeah.
32:37
Adam
Okay, here we go. See, it doesn't work with white people. What's up?
32:42
Caller
Well, you guys get a lot of crap from a lot of your callers. You know, you don't get the smartest callers. It is kind of called in to give you like a different type of call. And thank you, I mean, you guys are great. I've been listening to you for about six years now. And you just, you get some of the best entertainment, Adam. And Drew, you get some of the best info. You're much funnier than people give you credit for, Drew.
32:58
Drew
Well, the other one is for anyway.
33:00
Adam
Well, it's a difference between zero and 0.5 on the funny scale. If he gets zero credit for being funny. Yeah, a hundred, yeah. He gets zero credit and it's just a grain of funny. But God, he knows enough to laugh on occasion.
33:16
Caller
And like, people don't actually bring this up a lot, but I mean, it's obvious like not that you need the money like to be there. So I think it shows a lot, just like after so many years, you're both still there, like putting hours.
33:26
Adam
Thank you. Drew needs the money, but thanks, thank you. I'm gonna give me a hand for not needing the money. Yeah, yeah. No, it's true. It's true. We enjoy it because we care.
33:39
Caller
Because you're literally a millionaire. I mean, you don't need to.
33:41
Adam
No, I'm literally a millionaire and I don't need the money.
33:45
Drew
But now he literally lives like a millionaire. He's gonna stain that millionaire lifestyle.
33:49
Adam
Yeah, yeah, I got a filbert size nut. No, wait a minute. What's the big, what's the big one? Is that a filbert?
33:57
Drew
No.
33:58
Adam
Brazil nut, yeah. It's not big. My nut is Brazil size.
34:02
Drew
You got a corolla size nuts. I mean, your nuts are actually way bigger than, yeah.
34:07
Adam
Yeah, here's me point though. Drew likes the job, I like the job. And you can't say that about many jobs, even a show business.
34:14
Drew
I find what's truly bizarre is we come in here for two hours, we talk about the same kinds of things and we're interested every night. Well, not every night, but pretty much.
34:21
Adam
Most nights, yeah. Tuesday with stuff.
34:23
Caller
People really start to think about you as like, kind of, I mean, they do it in a bad way and they don't respect you guys as much when they call, but like, people really have a close attachment to you. Like hearing you is kind of comforting a lot of people.
34:33
So I think this show is complete crap.
34:35
I think you guys are pigs and you need to get the hell off the air.
34:38
Adam
Yeah, I don't even remember that one either. Right, see, we block out the bad. That's what you have to do.
34:43
Drew
We block out Scott too, don't worry.
34:44
Adam
To shelter yourself.
34:45
Drew
Well, Scott, didn't he give us his call yet?
34:47
Adam
He had a question?
34:48
Drew
Scott, do you have a story?
34:51
Caller
Yeah, so anyway, in high school, I was one of those miserable people who you described and basically you guys got me through. I got to college, I went on the way to Ivy League school now. And-
35:00
Drew
You go to Ivy League school now?
35:02
Caller
Yeah, I'm calling actually from Cambridge right now.
35:04
Drew
You go to Harvard?
35:05
Adam
Cambridge in the house! Yeah.
35:08
Drew
You need to get us on in Boston.
35:11
Caller
Yeah, that's what I'm listening to guys on the internet, but I finally got a girlfriend here and she basically had an eating disorder. She's very chaotic and just all the years of listening to you guys helped me and she wanted a reason and things like that. And we had really rough times, like she attempted to commit suicide and I was-
35:26
Drew
I mean, Harvard, I took a semester at Harvard. They have a very elaborate student health service. Is she taking advantage of that?
35:32
Caller
They do, the UHS, they do. The problem is they're more interested in covering Harvard's ass, essentially. They don't really care too much about us.
35:39
Drew
The what? Say that again, the what?
35:41
Caller
Well, they need to cover, they had like a suicide last year, so they're more interested in taking the people out of school instead of actually giving them service while they're in school.
35:49
Caller
So they don't want to die off.
35:50
Adam
Jumping off the bell tower. All right.
35:53
Drew
And then Charles. Well, thanks, guys.
35:56
Adam
Yeah, thanks. That's nice to be appreciated. All right, Drew, what's up?
36:00
Drew
What's up to Glenn?
36:01
Adam
Germany, Florida, Glenn, dating a stripper.
36:04
Well, there's a kid.
36:06
Adam
Glenn?
36:07
Yo, what's up?
36:08
Adam
22, what's going on?
36:10
Oh, not a lot. Like the show, you guys are great. Yeah, I'm dating this girl who is a exotic dancer. And well, I think she's bipolar. I can't really tell, but I took her, she wanted linguine real bad one day. And I'm just like driving all over, looking for linguine, you know.
36:29
Adam
Well, we make it a lot. He's called from Missouri. It's tough, tough linguine town.
36:36
Well, anyway, I find this DeZole's finally. And you know, on the way there, she's saying, I'm the greatest guy, you know, I'm nice, you know, greatest guy she's ever met. Well, I start this discussion about the.
36:53
Adam
There's a bogus air to this.
36:55
Drew
There's a bogus quality, but I don't think it's bogus, though. I really don't.
36:58
Adam
It just has a bogus cadence?
37:00
Drew
It has a blowhard quality to it. It feels insincere.
37:05
Adam
There's definitely insincere quality to it, but not bogus.
37:08
Drew
But he's gonna tell us, he's gonna describe something that's actually nuanced. And I don't think one of our colleagues can make this up. I think I know where he's going.
37:14
Adam
Glenn?
37:15
Yes.
37:16
Adam
Go ahead.
37:16
Okay, well, I started this discussion on how I could care less or I couldn't care less why people say that. Well, she gets all mad, like drops her fork and stuff, because she couldn't understand what I was saying, you know? And I don't know, I don't get it.
37:33
Drew
Here's the deal, Glenn, that is not bipolarity. That is a personality disorder, basically. And when people get, that have survived trauma, and somebody who's a stripper, we could suspect had some sort of heavy trauma growing up.
37:45
Adam
Well, it varies, and it depends. Here's the deal, it depends what they do. If you work at a topless place, yeah, your dad ignored you. You work at all nude place, maybe your dad smacked you around a little or was banned and alcoholic. It'll do.
38:00
Caller
She said her dad left when she was 10.
38:05
Adam
Okay, you work the bachelor party stuff. Maybe there's a light diddling, neighbor diddling. You do porn, it was dad who did it. There's a chain. Good people. And I don't, all right, now Glenn got me going on something. How come as a society, we don't understand that? Like, it's always just like, don't do drugs. There's no difference between smoking a little reefer when you come home and shooting up smack. You know what I mean? But there's no nuance. There's pornography's pornography, drugs are drugs.
38:32
Drew
And by the way, but then it becomes, how dare you say something about an individual just because he's a stripper. Maybe she just needed the money.
38:40
Adam
Right.
38:40
Drew
It's not that you can predict something about people.
38:43
Adam
Glenn? Yeah.
38:44
Caller
She really likes the stripping though. I mean, she got fired from one place and had a job at another place in no time.
38:50
Drew
Yeah, they're kind of compulsive about it.
38:51
Adam
Is it a topless and bottomless place?
38:54
Caller
Well, no, I don't think she took, she said she had the option and she didn't take the bottoms off. But I don't know if I believe that or not.
39:02
Drew
Right, okay. Well, here's the deal. She is a trauma survivor and yeah, I know. Whatever, like I said.
39:09
Adam
Here's my, if I run a strip joint, my option is like, look, you can either wear out, you can even wear, here's the option, one shoe or no shoes, as much. Everything else is naked. And I'm talking, I want everything out, contacts, fillings, everything, earwax. What's, what are you saying, Glenn?
39:26
Caller
I got a question for you, Adam, about the legalization of marijuana.
39:30
Drew
All right, hold on. Let's start with, let's say this one topic first. And that is that people have trauma. When they become stressed, they will flip.
39:38
Adam
It doesn't want an answer.
39:39
Drew
They'll flip back and forth between being sort of appropriate and composed and then flipping into these dissociative states where they're rageful and can't hear, can't even address reality. They can't be reasoned with.
39:50
Adam
Glenn, look, the Glenn trying to work with her is like your parrot trying to program your Tiva.
39:59
Drew
Yeah, yeah.
39:59
Adam
It's just, he can't do it. He can pack it all the buttons.
40:02
Drew
I like the way he made a diagnosis though. He was able to arrive at a diagnosis. He decides she's bipolar.
40:07
Adam
Glenn. Yo. You're 22. You don't know what's going on. What you gotta do is not get her pregnant. That's all.
40:14
Drew
She already has a kid.
40:16
Adam
Great. Don't, okay, don't get tangled up in her silly string. You hear me?
40:22
Caller
Yeah, I'm thinking drop it all together.
40:24
Adam
Yeah, well look, you could have a good time with her. Just do not get her pregnant and don't start getting tangled up because the next thing you know, there's, you're getting stabbed by some guy at the door who.
40:37
Caller
Yeah, she's like gonna bring some psycho to my life that I don't need.
40:41
Adam
Glenn. Glenn sounds like a delight, doesn't he?
40:45
Drew
Well, she's with him. She's chosen him.
40:50
Adam
I don't even, okay.
40:53
Drew
By the way, the nice guy would be the one going, I gotta stay with her, I love her so much.
40:57
Adam
Yeah, Glenn, no, Glenn's got the right attitude. All right, you wanna take a break, Drew?
41:02
Drew
I do.
41:03
Adam
I do?
41:04
Drew
I do.
41:04
Adam
All right, I didn't ask you for your hand, you know, I just said you wanna take a break.
41:08
Drew
I do. Oh yes, I beg your pardon.
41:11
Adam
Thank you, it's creepy.
41:14
Drew
I would like to, Mr. Corolla.
41:15
Adam
You know what I don't like? I don't like I do and I don't like how so. How so? Oh, shut up. I don't like that how so. I've managed to make my whole life without that how so. You guys keep your how so's to yourself. How so?
41:28
Drew
You let go of how so, but you've taken up How Dare You. You made that one your own.
41:32
Adam
That's important.
41:33
Drew
Those go together.
41:34
Adam
How so?
41:35
Drew
How Dare You.
41:36
Adam
There you go, after this.
41:42
Drew
Drew.
41:43
Adam
What are women most attracted to? Confident guys. That's right. You can't buy that confidence. At least you couldn't until now.
41:50
Drew
What do we got?
41:51
Adam
You got Axe Deodorant Body Spray.
41:53
Drew
Oh my God.
41:53
Adam
Spray that on, it's like slathering on the confidence. Let Hey, everybody. Loveline to Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1. All right, Will Arnett in here Sunday night from Arrested Development, good guy. Always, always like seeing Will. A rapist. That's him. Oh, we got some Germany or Florida coming up. Drew, when you drove in tonight, did you notice it was Quaalude Night on the freeway?
42:42
Drew
No, I had a different thing.
42:44
Adam
What'd you have?
42:45
Drew
I had sort of defiant A-holes. Every time you want to speed up, they gotta speed up behind you. They're gonna come around you, just cause you sped up.
42:54
Adam
Well, what do you mean? They're behind you?
42:56
Drew
Literally, like if I took off, speeding off from a start, they gotta get two inches behind me and show me that they can speed too.
43:04
Adam
That's good.
43:04
Drew
Yeah, that's why I look at it.
43:06
Adam
Yeah, I like that.
43:07
Drew
And then if I pull up to some, I have no problem with it, but it's sort of, you think you can go fast, I'll show you. And then zoom around you just as you pull up to somebody else.
43:15
Adam
I love people who drive like maniacs. I applaud it.
43:17
Drew
Yeah, I have no problem with them.
43:18
Adam
What I don't like, and I'm sending this message out to Southern California drivers, but the rest of the country can listen if they like. We have no left lane anymore. All lanes are equal.
43:29
Drew
Fast lane.
43:30
Adam
Used to be the fast people went over to the left lane.
43:33
Drew
It's all equal.
43:34
Adam
We can't judge. Listen, I'm putting a plea out to the angry pussies who sit in that left lane and ignore my headlights, which are four or five. I draft like a Metallidega, baby. I mean, I'm four or five feet behind these people. Move your pussy ass over.
43:53
Drew
I think four feet is a generous four feet.
43:56
Adam
I mean, generous, yeah. It's about the wingspan of a crow. Move over, move over, move over. That's not your lane. You don't wanna be in there.
44:08
Drew
Don't give them a beat. Maybe they're out of it, not looking at it, but three, four minutes?
44:14
Adam
You got the Xenons up your ass, move over. Please, just move over. I don't know why you wanna be there. Why do you wanna be there? You know what I mean? Like, when you go to the golf arcade thing, you wanna go to the batting cage and go to the Nolan Ryan one and just sit at the 100 mile an hour one and strike out every single time? Move over to the slow pitch where you can make contact, you puss. Just move over. You don't need to be in that lane. That's for the people that wanna go home or go to work or go to the girlfriend's house or go somewhere. Obviously, you don't wanna go wherever you're going. Move your ass over. That's all. And if someone comes up behind you, move over. We gotta get the left lane going in this country.
44:56
Drew
You're driving that Audubon. They're coming, you see them coming a quarter mile back. If you don't move, they're probably gonna hit you. I mean, they start flashing lights. They start flashing lights, seriously, 800 yards back.
45:06
Adam
Why can't we establish that left lane is the passing lane or is the lane that people wanna drive?
45:11
Drew
In most states it is.
45:13
Adam
In most states it is. Southern California.
45:15
Drew
Part of it is because everything's got eight lanes here. Then in the other states it's four.
45:20
Adam
I don't think people in this neck of the woods have any thought about the difference between that lane and the other lane. And Lord knows it's never been explained. All we ever have around here is the highway patrol is cracking down on speeders. Cracking down on speeders. Average speed in this city is... We move just a little bit slower than an iceberg that hit the goddamn Titanic. We need to crack down on speeders. Good luck. Where do you find these speeders? You import them from Germany? Where do you find the speeders? How do you find them? You must have to go out at like 4.30 in the morning on Sunday. Cracking down. Fantastic. Stop cracking down on everybody. Get out of the way, would you? Hey. How about you? What?
46:08
Caller
Well, we're talking about driving. I got one for you. You know those Caltrans signs that they put up with the amber alerts?
46:14
They got them on some surface streets now.
46:18
Drew
Every night when I pass it, it says, watch the road.
46:22
Adam
Oh, really?
46:22
Caller
Yeah, I love that.
46:24
Drew
It's a look up. Yeah, and my eyes are off the road for the only time of the night.
46:28
Adam
Oh, yeah, yeah, that's funny.
46:30
Drew
It's a bright light that tracks your attention.
46:32
Adam
And people slow down on it to read it as well. Jimmy's been laughing about that for a long time. Yeah, I don't want that. Yeah, by the way.
46:39
Drew
Reverse speed.
46:40
Adam
I think maybe there's a sense of irony Caltrans has when they put that. I just, you know what I want? I want one that just says focus, focus. Everyone focus. Let's go. Let's pick it up. Let's pace it up, everybody. Let's drive like champions. And that whole, oh, you drive slow, you drive fast, you get there same time. My mom, oh, oh, it was my mom. My mom tried arguing with me about that the other day. I was like, are you high, old lady?
47:07
Drew
Oh, she's recently tried that?
47:08
Adam
Yes.
47:09
Drew
Oh my God.
47:10
Adam
I was like, the difference between drive, here's the, let me explain everyone the difference between driving fast and driving not even slow, just not fast. Drive to Vegas. Get on I whatever. The bullet train's gonna be done any day now, by the way. But until then, we'll have to take the freeway. Okay. You're on the highway. You're doing 82. You pass some guy in an RV, he's doing 65. You pass him and 45 minutes goes by and you pull off the freeway. You gas up, you swing, drive through the RV's drive through, you get some food, you take a leak, you get back in the car and as you're pulling back on the freeway, there's the guy in the RV. That's what driving faster does. The whole whiz break and the RV's free. It's like you built a time machine and goose yourself further in time. The RV guy, and by the way, that's only the difference between like 65 and 82 over the course of like hour, maybe 45 minutes, right? Do it, go drive out of town. No, Drew, leave, I'd like you to leave. The point is, when you drive, when you do that, that'll happen every time you'll pass a truck or you pass a van or you pass some car that you take note of. It's got to, you know, you need whatever, dent, the fender, whatever it is, got a kayak on the roof, pass it and drive for another hour, stop off and eat, get back on the freeway. You will either, you'll pass that guy again in like within five minutes. There you go. That's what speeding does. Gets you there faster, everybody. Nothing wrong with that. Yes?
48:45
Caller
Yes.
48:45
Adam
Thank you. Let's just pick it up. Let's pace it up, everybody. Dan?
48:51
Caller
Yeah.
48:52
Adam
You're 25?
48:53
Caller
I am.
48:53
Adam
Got a little Germany or Florida for us?
48:55
Caller
Sure. Thanks for taking my call. Our pleasure. First of all, I think you guys need like an announcer to announce the game, Germany or Florida, and you know, announce the hosts since your song isn't that's gonna be Dan.
49:07
Adam
Right. Let me explain something. Drew has been trying to get an aspirin in this godforsaken studio for the last hour and 10 minutes to no avail. The announcer part, that's a very, very tall order for radio. Very tall.
49:24
Caller
Well, I can do a little stuff for you.
49:26
Adam
Appreciate your idea. All right, so give us Anderson, play us the theme song. It's catchy, it's provocative, it's hip, it's now.
49:33
Drew
If we play it, we're gonna have time to play it.
49:35
Adam
Play the theme song, Anderson, please.
49:37
Caller
Things are sick and twisted from too much sun and Nazis, sex, meth and death fetishes, both of them have got these, it's guaranteed not to bore you Germany or Florida.
49:46
Adam
All right, Dan, ask your question.
49:48
Caller
Sure.
49:49
Caller
Okay, there is a woman who sues an airline over an adult toy incident. A lawsuit filed seeks unspecified damages of more than $15,000 from an airline company for asking a woman returning from a vacation to hold up a vibrator that she had in her travel bag. The suit accuses the airline of negligence, gender discrimination and the intentional infliction of emotional distress. The plaintiff said the agent took her to the bag on the tarmac and forced her to open it and remove the adult toy and hold it up for visible view. She claims three airline employees began laughing hysterically and offered obnoxious and sexual harassing comments.
50:28
Drew
Alright, hold on a second.
50:30
Adam
We gotta take a break. Provocative. I have some thoughts. Drew has thoughts as well. Drew is going to go over to Aero and see if he can blow some old DJ to see if he can get just like a Thailand all from him.
50:43
Drew
One aspirin.
50:44
Adam
Alright. We'll take a break. When we come back, we'll conclude Germany or Florida.
50:50
Drew
Alright guys, here's the deal.
50:51
Caller
Looking to hook up? Call the Dateline.
50:53
Caller
Sick of wasting time with the wrong person?
50:55
Drew
Call the Dateline.
50:56
Caller
One call is all you need to make.
50:57
Caller
Call the Dateline.
51:19
Adam
1-877-889-DATE I'll tell you, we do have fun over here, don't we, Drew?
51:22
Drew
Sometimes.
51:22
Adam
829.20 and after. I'll tell you, we do have a good time, but I can't believe we get paid for this job. Hey, it's Drew and Ace in the Morning, coming to a traffic weather, coming at ya. Drew, let's pretend we're doing a morning show for a second.
51:37
Drew
Where's the cowbell?
51:38
Adam
You got traffic with the cowbell broke.
51:41
Drew
How can you do a morning show without a cowbell? Yeah.
51:50
Adam
There used to be a time when every business in America had that bell at the counter.
51:56
Drew
It started, I think, at the front desk of a hotel.
52:01
Adam
It started at a hotel front desk, and then made its way into liquor stores and dry cleaners and dentist's office and stuff. He just came in and started bing, bing, binging. It was back in the day, I think, when people trusted you to walk into their store while they were in the store room in the back, they were working.
52:18
Drew
Well, there weren't all the electronics. They're notifying you with every move people made.
52:23
Adam
If you had a liquor store, you could just go into the back and do some stocking while it was empty, and then if someone came in and wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes, they'd ding, ding, ding it.
52:32
Drew
It's supposed to be running in and running out.
52:34
Adam
They did away. Imagine the company that made that ding, ding, ding bell. It was the same one. It never quite worked right. You wanted to hit it softly, but it wouldn't do anything if you hit it softly. But if you whacked it, it was obnoxious. Little chrome thing with a little plunger in the top, and a little black ring, and they must have sold between 1949 and 1973, they must have sold 10 billion units. And it all looked like the same one. Uh-oh.
53:06
Drew
Oh my god, what have you got here?
53:07
Adam
Uh-oh, this is... No, that's too much.
53:09
Drew
Yeah, it's this morning show.
53:14
Adam
Got to tell you, during the ages of the 1, 829, 28, we got Lisa May with traffic, Paul Johnson coming in, he's in a way, he's in a sky helicopter over there, he's a traveler of the 405. 829, 28, and... Traveling weather coming up top there. Ha ha. I can't kill myself. Ha ha. What's going on with the weather out there? Boy, I'll tell you what, now, you see that president, what's his name, George W., he pardoned a turkey, I gotta tell you, what's going on. He said, or maybe the turkey pardoned him.
53:54
Drew
I think that's what you meant to say, Adam. That's what you meant to say.
53:58
Adam
Ha ha. Pardoned that turkey. Hey 29, 29, 29, you see how old I turned out there in a White House lawn, Drew. I gotta tell you about, how about going inside the White House, getting a little business on. How about this? How about we put some saw down inside the White House so you can get something done in there. Cause you always hang out in that lawn. Hey 29, 29. Get it on. What do you say, Drew?
1:13:56
Drew
I'd say get it on.
1:13:57
Adam
I would say get it on, how so?
1:13:59
Drew
How dare you?
1:14:00
Adam
Let's hear it. Engineer-ous, Michelle.
1:14:04
Drew
Engineer-ous.
1:14:05
Adam
It's such a godsend around here, by the way. Thank you. And she really, she hustles, she laughs. She hustles, she laughs. When I say hustle, I don't mean she moves fast. I mean, if you got 15 bucks, you get a BJ in the parking lot. That's what I'm talking about. When I say hustle, I don't want to be confused with being efficient. Sorry. Point is, Drew, speaking of F-Troop, just moments ago, she mentioned that she had the F-Troop theme song in her car and brought it out. And Drew, you can have yourself a lane. It really tells the whole story of F-Troop. And Drew, you can take a nice walk down memory lane and I can stop talking for a minute. Everyone has sung this song as dead. Wow. The xylophone. That's true. Now, when you were 11, you would hear this playing in the living room. You'd be in your little jammies with the feet built in, you're sliding across the kitchen floor. F troops on.
1:15:59
Drew
I still have a physical reaction to it.
1:16:00
Adam
Yeah, it's man tabulous. Thank you, engineer.
1:16:04
Drew
Wow, a few kids don't know what you missed. But if the one, the only thing, the only redeeming thing of those 70s style sitcoms, and cartoons.
1:16:12
Adam
That was the 60s.
1:16:13
Drew
Yeah, or late 60s. Late 60s. It's the mid-late 60s we're really talking about. Is the huge band production in the theme songs. Just think of the Jetsons.
1:16:23
Adam
Yeah.
1:16:23
I got that too.
1:16:25
Drew
Just so you get the opening.
1:16:26
Just the opening.
1:16:26
Adam
You got some gay guy with the Casio. It just sucks. Yeah. Now, back then, you had full-blown big orchestras just going at it.
1:16:35
Drew
Jazz to jazz orchestras. Listen to this. Let's just get going here.
1:17:41
Adam
Let's do the whole song. This is, I think, when they did the long extendo opening.
1:17:49
Drew
That was the dance remix. All right. Michelle, thank you.
1:17:53
Adam
Let's see what else you got on that. Look, it's Thursday. What have we got to prove here? Yeah, guests in show. What am I supposed to do? Talk to Jennifer.
1:18:02
Drew
I would like to.
1:18:03
Adam
She's got no uterus.
1:18:04
Drew
I thought you'd be interested in that call. It's interesting.
1:18:06
Adam
I got to see what other calls we've got.
1:18:08
Drew
Jennifer, what's going on? Popeye.
1:18:09
Adam
Hello.
1:18:11
Drew
Jennifer, yeah, what's up?
1:18:13
Caller
I have a question for Dr. Drew. I was born without a uterus and do not have the silvex or fallopian tubes. So I'm unable to get a pap smear.
1:18:28
Drew
But you have ovaries.
1:18:30
Caller
I have ovaries. Right. So I was just kind of wondering what sort of tests they would do for STDs and all that kind of stuff.
1:18:42
Drew
Same test if you have symptoms. Are you having problems?
1:18:45
Caller
No. No, I just kind of was thinking.
1:18:48
Drew
The pap smear is just a scraping of the cervix. But there's still things you... I know that's the pap smear. But the STDs can occur in the vagina and around the vagina vulva. You don't have to have an upper urogenital tract for that to be...
1:19:06
Caller
So what would I ask for when I went into the doctor? Because I haven't been to the doctor in a long time.
1:19:11
Drew
Well, you want to make sure you're not exposed to any STDs. They'll do some blood tests and just a basic culture and that'll be that.
1:19:17
Adam
That's a Mod Squad. I love that song. That Mod Squad kicks ass.
1:19:23
Drew
Jennifer, it's kind of weird not having a uterus, huh? Are you okay with that?
1:19:28
Adam
Listen, I don't complain.
1:19:30
Caller
You know, when I first found out, it was really, really, really hard for me.
1:19:33
Drew
Yeah, what'd you think?
1:19:34
Caller
But I found out when I was 16.
1:19:37
Drew
Because you weren't having a period.
1:19:38
Caller
Right, exactly.
1:19:40
Adam
How so?
1:19:41
Drew
Are you...
1:19:42
Adam
So, what do you do? You have no uterus.
1:19:45
Drew
Do you ovulate? Do you ovulate over his function?
1:19:48
Caller
Well, when I first found out, they did some sort of test to find out if I was ovulating correctly and then I was.
1:19:56
Drew
So, you're lucky enough, at least, to live in a time when your eggs can be harvested.
1:20:00
Caller
Exactly.
1:20:01
Drew
And maybe be put in a...
1:20:01
Caller
I just can't carry a child or have a period.
1:20:04
Drew
Look, I just dodged a bullet. Oh my God. It's interesting. For a woman, it's considered a loss. For a guy, it would be, oh my God, God has blessed me.
1:20:12
Adam
Well, I mean, yeah, it's like, I don't like the pill because it makes my boobs bigger, you know, or swollen or whatever. Yeah, for a guy. I mean, imagine if you can't get pregnant and your penis gets bigger and your gas here. That would be nice. Here's the thing. You don't have your period and when it comes time for you to have a kid, you just...
1:20:32
Drew
Drop it in somebody else.
1:20:32
Adam
Somebody needs a pea shooter and a lesbian and pow, you're home free. You know, get all the stretch marks and all that. And by the way, nothing better because usually it's that trade off between, well, I got the hemorrhoids and the stretch marks and all the other postpartum depression and everything, but I have my own biological child as opposed to adopting where I get to still look like a model, but I have some kid from Nicaragua with, you know, three eyeballs. Now, you got your own kid and you got the mind, you got the flat tummy.
1:21:04
Drew
But if nothing else, you're absolutely correct, if nothing else spoke to how powerful the drive is for women to have and carry the baby, they have this drive for that and people don't talk about that. And not just to have the baby outside the uterus, also to have it inside. There's a need for that, a drive for that.
1:21:19
Adam
I am. All right. Undercover. Working for the man but also fighting him.
1:21:57
Drew
Playing by their own rules.
1:22:01
Adam
And not even their own collective rules. They each have their own rules. Three different rule books. Bup, bup, bup. Now kicks up an octave here. Yeah, I used to hear this song coming. Her, her? Alright, still high. Powerful, yeah. And then there was Ironside. He got shot.
1:22:29
Drew
Are you gonna play Ironside?
1:22:31
Adam
What's the attorney?
1:22:32
Drew
Don't you have any cartoons in there?
1:22:33
Adam
No, put Ironside on it. I wanna hear Ironside.
1:22:36
Drew
During the break, we gotta do a little like, name that tune.
1:22:40
Adam
Here's Ironside. This is a little taste of Ironside. He was shot. He got shot in the ass. Raymond Burr is a...
1:23:01
Drew
Does the Street from San Francisco come out like this a little bit too? Is this Street from San Francisco? No, it is not. Tight.
1:23:22
Adam
It's probably the same studio band that just did all this stuff, that just kind of attracted it out.
1:23:27
Drew
I think a lot of it was the NBC studio band.
1:23:30
Adam
They were like a ripping bands back then. All right, you ready to rock here, Drew?
1:23:35
Drew
If anyone's still listening, sure.
1:23:37
Adam
Listen, there's nothing wrong with some good music. Jessica? Jessica? 21?
1:23:42
Drew
Oh, ooh, out of her stupor.
1:23:44
Adam
Mm-hmm.
1:23:45
Drew
What's up, Jessica?
1:23:47
I was just calling, well, first of all, thanks for taking my call.
1:23:50
Adam
Thanks for calling.
1:23:51
Drew
I think she means thanks for stopping listening to the music. No problem.
1:23:56
I was just wondering, I've been with my boyfriend for six months, and he is 24, and he's never been in a serious relationship before. And when it comes to being sexual and intimate, he has a real problem with it. He cannot deal with it at all. We've never had sex. Like, when we, yeah, six months.
1:24:16
Drew
Ooh, ooh, running bear, whoa, yeah, hey.
1:24:18
Caller
And when we are intimate, it's very much a joke to him. He's always joking around.
1:24:24
Adam
He's laughing, yeah. He's uncomfortable. Drew doesn't understand. But why the, well, first off, how far have you gotten with him, physically?
1:24:35
Caller
Everything but having sex.
1:24:36
Drew
And he's laughing.
1:24:37
Adam
And why not the sex part?
1:24:40
Caller
I don't know, well, at first, at first.
1:24:42
Adam
First outrage, yes, at first what?
1:24:47
Caller
At first his excuse, he was like, well, I want you to get tested and you need to be on birth control. And I was like, okay, so.
1:24:52
Drew
All right, so he's an anxious guy, he's a compulsive guy.
1:24:56
Adam
What's he do, something with computers?
1:24:59
Caller
Ah, he used to, but not anymore.
1:25:01
Adam
What's he do now?
1:25:03
Caller
He is a manager at like a, a car dealership or whatever.
1:25:11
Adam
Okay, all right, so he's sort of a late bloomer, he's anxious.
1:25:16
Drew
He's got a problem with intimacy and sex. There are guys.
1:25:21
Caller
I can't figure out.
1:25:22
Adam
Hold on a second. We talk up to a lot of screwed up guys. Yeah. There is a small percentage of guys that are sort of like adolescent males, even though they're well into their twenties, where they're, you don't understand it, Drew, but it's like.
1:25:36
Drew
I'm not saying.
1:25:37
Adam
It's like.
1:25:37
Drew
I'm all ears.
1:25:38
Adam
When I hear about someone who doesn't understand, who doesn't like smoked almonds, I get angry. But I realize there's nothing wrong with them. Okay, maybe a golf ball sized tumor in their head. What's wrong with them? Idiots. The point is, it's just not their thing. And I know you feel that.
1:25:56
Drew
But he's laughing.
1:25:57
Adam
I feel that same way about people that won't, you know, rape on the first date. I know you do, Drew. But some guys are like goofy in their adolescent stretches way into their 20s and-
1:26:10
Drew
Yeah, but why does that lessen? A lot of adolescents are hypersexual. Why does this translate into goofing?
1:26:15
Adam
I know, I know they're, from working in the comedy world for as long as I have, there's this small segment of guys that don't have like a, they're goofy. They don't know how to act around women, they get nervous.
1:26:27
Drew
What is the connection between sex and funny? Sex and funny don't-
1:26:31
Adam
It's, here's the thing, funny and everything don't mix. Funny equals goofy and-
1:26:38
Drew
Uncomfortable.
1:26:39
Adam
And uncomfortable, and that's why you joke, it becomes compensation. And funny doesn't work well with driving, it doesn't work well with, you know, home improvement, it doesn't work well with women, it doesn't work with anything.
1:26:56
Drew
It distances you from the experience.
1:26:58
Adam
Yeah, but you're saying-
1:26:59
Drew
You come out of the experience into funny.
1:27:01
Adam
Yeah, it's like saying, well, wait a minute, what are you retards good at? You're not, you're no good at driving the van, you're no good at calculus, you're no, eh, I'm retarded, I'm not good at anything.
1:27:12
Drew
Right.
1:27:13
Adam
Or I'm good at being retarded, whereas funny people are good at being funny, but they don't do other things. Okay, where did we get, how did I bring up funny? All I'm saying is, is this guy doesn't necessarily have to be gay or be hiding something.
1:27:28
Drew
No, no, no, I think it is just sort of a, almost an issue of taste and, you know what I mean?
1:27:36
Adam
He's what we would call squirrely. And how long you been with him? Seven months?
1:27:41
Caller
Six months. And the thing with him is like, we've known each other, we were really good friends for a year, and so it's not like we were uncomfortable with each other, really trying to get to know each other.
1:27:50
Adam
Knowing each other for a year.
1:27:51
Caller
And then we started dating.
1:27:52
Adam
Yeah, that can.
1:27:53
Drew
But he has no drive, though. That's why they was a good friend for a year.
1:27:56
Adam
And knowing each other for a year doesn't help. It makes it weirder. Makes it weirder, yeah. Okay, and you would like to, you'd like for him to step it up. I mean, you'd like to have sex, right?
1:28:07
Caller
Yeah, well, it's not just that. You know, I'm ready for the relationship to go to the next level emotionally, physically, everything.
1:28:12
Drew
You're gonna think like a guy there.
1:28:14
Adam
Yeah, be prepared. Yeah, I know. Be prepared. What do you want me to think like?
1:28:18
Drew
But I mean, you realize where she's at.
1:28:20
Adam
I know.
1:28:21
Drew
Here's the thing.
1:28:21
Adam
The next level meant to me for a reason. This guy is a number of years, if ever, away from getting it together in this department to your satisfaction.
1:28:31
Drew
If ever part, I don't know.
1:28:32
Adam
Well, I mean, realistically, he may be 34. This could be 10 years away.
1:28:38
Drew
He'll never be what she probably wants him to be.
1:28:41
Adam
Right. You can go ahead and try. You can go ahead and threaten him. You can go ahead and tell him, look, unless he starts doing, and I don't mean just being put out, but if he starts being more intimate or whatever.
1:28:51
Drew
It's almost like you gotta take him out of the sex some other way, like smack him or something. Just take him sort of to divert his attention a little bit. That's what he's looking for.
1:29:01
Adam
When you're 21 and a guy's 24 and you've been together for six months and he just ain't the right fit for you, I'd say it's just time to pull up stakes and move out. Think about that, realistically, batting average-wise. I think we got another six months of struggling and then you break it up for good.
1:29:23
Drew
We don't make enough of the intrinsic qualities in people, the fit, the biological fits.
1:29:28
Adam
Who do you know who's changed that dramatically?
1:29:32
Drew
I've seen a lot of change, but not on a very, very basic level.
1:29:35
Adam
And not as sort of the kind of person they are. They're guys whose instinct is, they're guys who want to 69 for 69 straight hours and then they're guys who get grossed out by when a tongue gets slipped in their mouth. And I don't know if you're ever going to change either one of those guys. And they're guys that are goofy and guys don't like intimacy and guys don't like holding hands in public. And there's the guys, they never really change that much. And certainly not over the course of months. It's years, okay? And it's usually the person that's with them that changes. Their expectation level just goes way down, thank you.
1:30:15
Drew
Their behavior changes, their comfort with the behavior, but that fundamental motivation doesn't change.
1:30:19
Adam
I stopped listening after the last thing I said.
1:30:21
Drew
That's fine, you're done, touche.
1:30:23
Adam
Cause I decided it couldn't do any better. How dare you? Take a quick break, we'll be right back after this.
1:30:29
Drew
Loveline.
1:30:54
Adam
There, buddy, it's Loveline and Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-V-E-191-er. Dr. Drew, in the hizzy. Proud of himself for knowing the theme songs of the TV shows. We just sat here an entire time and played that with engineer Michelle. Drew Sharp, too.
1:31:13
Drew
Yeah, I told you, it goes to about 1978, and it just stops.
1:31:17
Adam
And then, what about the part? Spartaning of the Turkey. All right, there you go.
1:31:24
Drew
But that shows how I can shut stuff off. You know what I'm saying? And or turn it back on.
1:31:29
Adam
I'm not saying that some information can't penetrate your thick skull.
1:31:34
Drew
No, no, it can penetrate and stay.
1:31:36
Adam
It can't, no, it penetrates and stays. It's just none of the information I know. Right. Samantha? You're 20? What's up?
1:31:47
Caller
My question is, I've been with my boyfriend since I was 16, and...
1:31:52
Drew
Speak up there, Samantha.
1:31:55
Caller
Okay, and that's true. We broke up for nine months. And when we broke up, I was with somebody else. And before I thought I'd always had an orgasm with him, because I felt like I did just, I noticed that when I was with somebody else, actually stuff came out, and it was a totally different experience. And now we got back together, and we had a baby, and I love him, and I've never, ever, ever, ever ever had an orgasm with him. Do you mean?
1:32:19
Adam
I hear two, when I only hear two evers, I think that means 50% of the time, but the third ever.
1:32:24
Drew
Ever, ever, ever, she said four. Ever, ever, ever.
1:32:28
Adam
When you start getting to three and four evers, that means almost never.
1:32:31
Drew
And what's also interesting is stuff doesn't come out. Yeah. Stuff came out.
1:32:36
Adam
Samantha, you're 20, right?
1:32:38
Caller
Yeah.
1:32:39
Adam
I'm gonna go way, way, way out on a limb here. I'm gonna say junior college.
1:32:45
Drew
No.
1:32:46
Caller
No.
1:32:47
Drew
No, she can't do that.
1:32:48
Adam
You don't go to college?
1:32:49
Caller
No.
1:32:50
Drew
No.
1:32:53
Adam
You were going to junior college?
1:32:55
Caller
I was going to.
1:33:00
Adam
Right. And let me explain something with junior college. As Drew knocks over the ocean-going can.
1:33:07
Drew
I can make a...
1:33:08
Adam
I smell junior college like dogs smell another dog on you when you come home. What is that? What's going on? That's what I do. Now, it doesn't always mean you're currently... It doesn't mean you're calling from the junior college. It doesn't mean you're actually enrolled this semester, but it's still on you.
1:33:28
Drew
Junior college material.
1:33:30
Adam
It's on you. Yeah. No, it's more than that. You have to be involved. You have to be involved with it in some way, shape, or form. All right, Samantha. So, now you have a kid.
1:33:43
Caller
All right.
1:33:44
Drew
And you're saying by never orgasm with your current boyfriend, does mean just never orgasm during sex, or are you talking about never having had an ejaculation with this guy?
1:33:53
Caller
I've never had an orgasm with this guy.
1:33:55
Drew
Under, neither with oral sex, not with intercourse, nothing?
1:33:58
Caller
Nothing. Then when I was with the other guy, I was under the influence of men.
1:34:12
Drew
Interestingly, people do report that meth's jacks and mubs actually...
1:34:16
Adam
Let me get some of that. By the way, predict the kid's going to be... Is it a female? First female president of the United States. Or?
1:34:25
Drew
Or?
1:34:27
Adam
Answer.
1:34:28
Drew
Just to get her through college.
1:34:29
Caller
All right, all right.
1:34:32
Adam
Here's the thing, guys. When I say stuff, I'm not supposed to say Anderson, like Zaps me.
1:34:39
Drew
We get this strange sort of zap on our... Yeah.
1:34:44
Adam
Anyway, Drew, I'm thinking about taking a...
1:34:46
Caller
There it is.
1:34:48
Drew
There it is.
1:34:51
Adam
Sometimes I hear the premature one. I don't give a flunk. And then once in a while, he just does it when he's getting bored. I tell you, I was all Central Valley and I was just... Anderson is just hanging over a big button that zaps me when he gets bored or he starts hearing something.
1:35:10
Drew
It's some sort of experiment. What happens tonight? Are we having a good time or a bad show? We're fine. Tonight and last night, pretty much. Well, it's no gas.
1:35:19
Caller
I mean, it's because you guys were prepared for a guest.
1:35:20
Drew
When they didn't come in, you guys were like, free show.
1:35:22
Adam
Free show.
1:35:23
Drew
It's no one to ground us here. Listen, I'm sorry for it now because this headache lifted.
1:35:32
Adam
I'm not going to apologize for tonight's show or last night's show. I didn't mail it in.
1:35:36
Drew
How so?
1:35:38
Adam
How dare you? I did not mail it in. I showed up.
1:35:41
Drew
I suited up.
1:35:42
Adam
I'm a game face on. I was ready to go. And I never go half speed. You know why, Drew?
1:35:46
Drew
You give 110%.
1:35:47
Adam
You know why I don't go half speed?
1:35:49
Drew
Because you get hurt when you have speed.
1:35:51
Adam
That's when you get hurt.
1:35:51
Drew
So we always go full.
1:35:53
Adam
Listen, I go hell bent for re-election. Like Esther or Goose. Jessica? All right, we're done. We're done with the show. You're dating a 45-year-old guy? Hold on.
1:36:07
Drew
Jessica, wait a second.
1:36:09
Adam
Don't get persnipity with me, sweetie. Hello, you're dating a 45-year-old guy? All right, I have two issues with that. One is he's too old for you. Secondly, I'm jealous.
1:36:21
Drew
But it was not a good thing. Guys, not a good thing for you. It's just a totally different stage of life. You won't be... Let's say this does work out and you get married. He will not have children. If he does, it's a disservice to your children. I know, but you'll be taking care of him when you're 35, 40. I know you seem like you'll never be that age.
1:36:40
Adam
What's he doing? What's he doing? Something with cars?
1:36:43
Caller
No, he does payroll for Jim Burry.
1:36:47
Adam
He does payroll for Jim Burry. By the way, I wouldn't say this guy is gay, but he does payroll for Jim Burry. Like could it be a gay or 45? We're talking about range. By the way, what did he do? Meet you in the Big Ball?
1:37:02
Drew
Meet the moms.
1:37:03
Adam
No, he met her in the Big Ball Hopper.
1:37:05
Drew
Oh, yeah.
1:37:05
Adam
She was frolicking around in there.
1:37:07
Drew
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:37:07
Adam
It was a couple of months back.
1:37:08
Drew
Well, when he was 25.
1:37:09
Adam
Let's take a break. We'll be right back after this.
1:37:13
Caller
Here it is.
1:37:16
Caller
Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.
1:37:19
Caller
Call the Dateline, call the Dateline, call the Dateline, 1-877-889-DATE.
1:37:26
Caller
Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready. This hour brought to you in part by Axe.
1:37:34
Caller
Experience the Axe Effect.
1:37:54
Adam
Well, that's the show, that's the week, everyone. Will Arnett in here tomorrow, I should say Sunday night, from Arrested Development. Five Emmys, thank you very much. I wanna thank phone screener Brian for doing a great job all week long. Phone screener Ziggy, the Zigman, met the Z-Man over at the calendar signing. A delight, sweet kid. Glad to have you aboard, Ziggy. I wanna thank. Junior, producer Lauren for really picking up her game. Boy, I'll tell you what. She started bad and now she's at semi bad, but she's really heading that right direction baby doll. Lots of coffee, lots of food, all smiles. Yeah, that's right.
1:38:41
Drew
And hustle.
1:38:42
Adam
And hustle. I wanna thank, not really, engineer Chris. I'll give him half a thanks. He does the best he can. I wanna thank engineer Michelle for doing a fantabulous job. Apple, my, doing a fantastic job. Engineer Anderson for being his consistent self. And that's always good. No, that's strong. And so, oh, engineer, I should say producer Ann for doing a wonderful job booking. Well, who would we have this week?
1:39:08
Drew
Oh, nobody.
1:39:09
Caller
Nobody.
1:39:09
Adam
All right, but doing a great job anyway. So until next time, this is Adam Crowley for Dr. Drew saying Mahalo.
1:39:16
Caller
This has been Loveline.
1:39:20
Caller
The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or the station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.
1:40:09
Caller
Thanks Yeah, yeah, yeah.