Episode 1000659461540

0:57 Voiceover Online is meant for an adult audience.

1:00 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:03 Voiceover Sexually-oriented content.

1:07 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:08 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised.

1:20 Adam Hey everybody, it's Love Line. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, patient medicine specialist. What's going on, Drew?

1:31 Drew What's happening?

1:32 Adam Taking care of business, buddy.

1:33 Drew Wow, what are you doing?

1:35 Adam Nothing.

1:36 Drew Hey, your wife did some news and some stuff for us. You see what she did?

1:38 Adam Yeah, she told me you called her, told her to get the cartoon or call the guy with the cartoon.

1:43 Drew Want to call him?

1:44 Adam No.

1:45 Drew Well, call him and talk to him.

1:46 Adam What? I'm not explaining any, I'm not going to do any more.

1:52 Drew I'll do it.

1:52 Adam You do radio. If you want to start talking about something and not say whatever.

1:56 Drew There's a cartoon about Adam doing Chief Thunder Bear, the American Indian gynecologist who speaks only Choctaw. And I'm translating, and a guy animated that, and it's on The Loveline Companion. The site is up there where you can click on over to it. And it's funny, and we thought we'd try to get in touch with the guy that did it, and Adam's wife tracked him down. I think it was Michael Narren. And there you go. I thought we could call him and talk to him tonight.

2:17 Adam All right. Do you think he's home? If you want to do that, why don't you talk to Ann about it before the show?

2:25 Drew I could talk to my partner about it if he got here before 15 minutes ahead of the show.

2:28 Adam Look, because we're going to call the guy, he's not going to be there.

2:30 Drew I'm not saying we call him live on the air. I'm saying we call him during the break. I'm just talking. You said, what's up?

2:37 Adam Do you think he's going to be home? Maybe? Maybe. Why don't you call him?

2:42 Drew I want to talk to you about it. Maybe we're not the callers. I just wanted to do something interesting to talk about.

2:47 Adam You ready?

2:47 Yeah.

2:49 I ate.

2:56 Drew Let's see how long it takes for somebody to answer. Yeah, 22.

3:02 Hello?

3:03 Drew Yeah, Bob, you're on the air.

3:05 Yeah, hey.

3:06 Hey, first of all, I want to say, Adam, dude, you're hilarious.

3:09 Adam Thanks.

3:10 What you were saying earlier about salesmen isn't completely true, because I am a salesman, but it was kind of funny.

3:15 Drew Oh, last night.

3:16 Adam Yeah, they're all bad people.

3:18 I'm not a bad person. I've been in sales my whole life.

3:21 Drew Oh, well, if you've been at your whole life, then that's different, right?

3:26 Adam No, you're worse. Yeah, you're 22, though. Well, hold on.

3:30 Caller Well, I've been in it since I was 16. I grew up in it. My dad was in it, but.

3:35 Adam What'd your dad do?

3:36 Caller What'd he sell? When I was young, cars. And then as we got older, he got into a couple different kinds of sales. I don't really remember, but.

3:47 Adam Okay, all right.

3:49 Drew That's a great argument, great argument on behalf of the salesman. Just arguing you down, Adam. I don't know how you could retain such an opinion.

3:58 Adam All right, here's the thing. It's gonna be a horrible show tonight because I'm not gonna be talking that much.

4:03 Drew All right, fair enough.

4:03 Adam So be prepared for a horrific show, everybody.

4:07 Caller Jason.

4:07 Drew Jason. 30, Jason? What's up?

4:15 Caller What's going on?

4:15 Germany or Florida?

4:17 Drew Here we go.

4:18 A man was trapped for hours in his folding sofa bed after a spring shed on him when he tried to get something out of it. Police went into town and said, unfortunately, he was so stuck, he couldn't move. A police spokesman said it was only after he had been knocking and shouting for several hours that neighbors in his apartment block alerted police and he was taken to the hospital. Hmm.

4:40 Drew That's it?

4:41 That's it.

4:42 Adam That sounds pretty good. The guy got stuck in his folding sofa, right? Sofa bed. Sorry about that.

4:49 Yeah, okay.

4:50 Adam All connections are bad tonight. First off, still more comfortable than if he had completely folded out and laid on it.

4:57 Drew Absolutely.

4:58 Adam Because what they don't tell you about folding sofa beds is there's a bar that runs down the center, right to left on the bar. You have to get your, it's most comfortable if you can get your sternum just over the bar, but your hips just under the bar. That's kind of a sweet zone there.

5:19 Drew You're gonna road something.

5:21 Adam I don't know what is. I have one. It literally has a bar. You can stand back and see the outline of it on the sheet. It's like your job as a sofa scientist is not to figure out how to technically make a bed, the sofa that falls out into bed, but to make one that someone could sleep on.

5:38 Drew Yes.

5:38 Adam Even if they were drunk, they would have to be able to sleep on.

5:41 Drew I think they get by with the Geneva Convention that pretty much only kids sleep on those. And so they weigh about eight pounds. They don't erode their butt on.

5:49 Adam I didn't even test the thing out. I just bought a sofa bed once. By the way, sofa bed weighs as much as an SUV, by the way, if you've ever tried to move one. You ever try to move one? And by the way, once in a while, you pick up that sofa that you don't know is a sofa bed. All right, let's get, oh, Christ. Oh, my nuts just hit the hardwood floor. What's going on? And then you realize, oh, I see. There's several hundred thousand pounds of forged steel inside, this is like cranks and scissor arms and garage mechanisms. They really look like garage door hinges.

6:20 Drew That's another thing they should like, shouldn't we do better with that?

6:23 Adam It seems like we do better at a lot of things, but the sofa bed folds out and then there's a nice big bar that rides right down the center of the thing. Okay, so where are we? Trapped in the sofa bed.

6:34 Drew Germany could be Florida. Is it a sofa bed, did he say, or a fold out bed? I didn't quite hear that. Because there's different kinds of, did you say sofa bed, Jason? Sofa bed. All right, so I gotta go Florida if that's, you think? Because a fold out bed or one of those wall units, what do they call those beds?

6:51 Adam Murphy bed. Neighbor's coming to rescue.

6:53 Drew That's the nice, you know, three inches of.

6:55 Adam Since we're in German. I'm going, let's pick opposite.

6:59 Drew Florida.

6:59 Adam I'm going Germany. Jason.

7:02 Caller Adam, you are so correct.

7:05 Adam Yeah.

7:06 Yeah.

7:09 Adam Get it on, gotta get it on. Thanks, Jason.

7:12 Caller Hey, I got a question for you, too. Yeah. Oh, Adam, what is your wife like? What, what type of, did Jarrett Woman marry you in all honesty?

7:23 Adam She's a, she's a great woman. All right, you ready?

7:27 Drew You've got great colors, too. You wanna talk to Michael? There he is.

7:30 Adam Michael's on the phone?

7:31 Drew Michael's on the phone.

7:32 Adam Yeah.

7:33 Drew Wanna talk to him?

7:33 Adam Producer Anne. Now, producer Anne just got Michael, who's all the way in Pennsylvania. Michael did the animation on our Chief Running Bear.

7:43 Drew Thunder Bear.

7:44 Adam Thunder Bear, that's right. Cartoon Michael.

7:47 Caller Yes.

7:47 Adam How are you, brother?

7:48 Caller Fine, how are you? How are you both?

7:50 Adam Good.

7:51 Drew He accused your wife by the opposing. He accused her of not being the real Lynette.

7:57 Adam Oh, he sent me an email out of nowhere. Yeah, well, that's because Drew told her to email. Why don't you talk to him? Yeah, same reason you got the film of us in here for the last three years.

8:10 Drew Yeah, exact same reason.

8:11 Adam I told my wife not to listen to you. Michael?

8:14 Caller Yes.

8:15 Adam So what's up?

8:16 Caller Oh, I'm just giddy.

8:18 Adam Yeah, you...

8:19 Caller I also finished too quick, so, none of it.

8:23 Adam We enjoyed your cartoon very much. Tell people where they can find it, if you know.

8:27 Drew The address is so long, we couldn't really sort of give it out on the radio. Is there any kind of abbreviated site they can get to?

8:34 Caller I don't know if it's okay to plug The Companion again, but just the thread on the form with Loveline Companion.

8:40 Drew Okay.

8:41 Caller Would be really the easiest way.

8:43 Adam And Michael, are you an animator? And the animation seems pretty advanced, and I don't know anything about animation other than it takes a long time, and it's really expensive, and it has to be shipped out to Korea. So, how was it you were able to put together a really funny two-minute animated short?

9:01 Caller Well, everything except the last bit is true.

9:03 Adam What's that?

9:04 Caller Everything except the last bit you said is true about Korea. But, um...

9:07 Drew Yeah, he does it all himself. Yes. He has a sweatshop.

9:10 Adam Yeah, well, how do you do it? Do you physically draw it out, or is there some sort of computer program?

9:16 Caller A little of both. I draw it out into the computer. It would be a lot longer, a drawn out process where you'd have to draw it on paper, paper, and then scan it into computer. Even before that, you drew it on paper, and you traced it on acetate, I think, and flipped it over and painted the colors on the other side, then took it to a camera and started on a film.

9:36 Drew You know, I think it was Jimmy, it was Jimmy Kimmel that found Michael, I think. Jimmy, actually, because he did a thing about Jimmy's show, too, and Jimmy was sort of scanning around for his stuff and found us.

9:46 Adam Oh, really? I heard someone sent it to Jimmy.

9:49 Drew Oh, is that what it was?

9:50 Adam Well, that's what I heard. So, Michael, how long was the short that you did for us?

9:56 Caller It was two minutes with titles. It was a little over that, like maybe a minute forty, and then I added opening credits and ending titles and stuff.

10:04 Adam And how many hours would you say that took you in your basement of your mom's house, by the way?

10:08 Caller That took me basically two weeks, and I took the weekends kind of light, but... It's actually good. I mean, everybody kind of goes, oh, my God, it took that long. But the best animer in the world, but I know the quickest one, is Bill Plimpton. He's in New York, and it took him... He can do like a half minute in like a day or two.

10:25 Caller Right.

10:25 Caller A half minute, you know?

10:26 Caller Right.

10:27 Caller And he still needs to hand that off to get it colored and shot on the film and all that.

10:31 Adam And what do you do during the day? Do you have a daytime job?

10:35 Caller No, this is pretty much it. I mean, I've been animating some local car commercials for a place there in Harrisburg.

10:41 Drew What, you're in Harrisburg, you're in Harrisburg?

10:43 Caller I'm close to Harrisburg, I'm in Hershey.

10:45 Adam And so what you say for a living, you do something like the Loveline thing, it looks good on your resume, but do you actually make any money off it?

10:58 Drew It's what you come in.

11:00 Adam Yeah, well, yeah, hopefully we can parlay this into a small fortune for you.

11:05 Drew What inspired you?

11:06 Yes, you should animate this whole bit, this whole conversation.

11:10 Drew What inspired you, Michael?

11:13 Caller I like the bit. You know, actually for a while now I've been thinking about, I used to do stuff for Howard Stern on the old CBS show that he had. And so I'm no real stranger to animating radio bits and I've been a fan. And I started actually making a list of all the other little bits I'd wanna do. And the Thunderbird kind of was in the top three.

11:31 Adam And where do you get it? Do you tape the show?

11:33 Caller I download it.

11:35 Adam Or just download it from the companion?

11:38 Caller I don't tell anybody what the idea. No, not the companion, but there's a zillion little sources.

11:44 Adam Well, my-

11:45 Caller It's not on right here. So I would be high and dry if it weren't for my varied sources.

11:50 Adam Thanks. So, Michael, are you married? Do you have a girlfriend?

11:53 Caller Girlfriend.

11:55 Adam And you're able to make a living and everything's cool.

11:58 Caller I eat out a meager existence.

12:00 Caller All right.

12:02 Adam By the way, God bless you for doing it. We're really excited to see it. Well, I haven't been here for nine years plus. Never really seen anything involved the show that was worth a rat's ass. Once in a while, some guy hands you a best of tape. Right. And then you listen to it and it sounds like random snippets from any random show, nothing particularly funny. Or maybe I just think I'm funnier than I am, but I think to myself, oh, no, no, I remember things I've said over the last two weeks that were funnier than this. So it's actually sort of a disappointment because it's like somebody saying, hey, I took some pictures of you. This is the best you're ever gonna look. And they look at me, you look fat. Or whatever. Or whatever, or whatever. And you go, wow, this is it? This is me at my best? So that's usually it. But Chief Thunder Bear, Rolling Bear, Running Bear? Yeah, Thunder Bear. Very funny. Michael did a wonderful job. And I think Michael might do something else for us. Michael? Are you planning on doing any more Loveline crap?

13:00 Caller I'm actually a couple days into the next one, yeah.

13:02 Adam Yeah. Well, I don't want you to give anything away. So we'll just be surprised when you see it, when we see it. But you'll put, yes.

13:11 Caller Should be another two weeks.

13:13 Adam Okay, so you'll put it up on the website.

13:15 Caller Absolutely.

13:16 Adam God bless you, Michael.

13:18 Caller Thank you very much, man. It's been wonderful talking to you.

13:20 Adam Thanks for taking the time. Yes, Drew.

13:22 Drew We'll call him again. But he puts it up.

13:25 Adam All right, let's talk to him again. You can go to the Loveline Companion if you want to take a look at it. Where do you want to go, here? No? Okay. Trevor.

13:35 Caller What's up?

13:36 Adam You're 21?

13:37 Caller Yep.

13:39 Adam Can we talk to any chicks?

13:41 Drew No, that's the only one, but let's just take Trevor. It's better than what's up there, please.

13:44 Adam My dad and grandma always insult her.

13:48 Caller Yeah, I see.

13:49 Adam Trevor.

13:50 Caller Yeah, hello?

13:51 Adam All right, 21, what's up?

13:54 Caller Let's just go to an extreme on this. Me and my girlfriend both hate rubbers and just say purposely blast off in her. How effective is that morning after pill gonna be for me?

14:07 Drew It's about 85, 90% in the first 24 hours. It's about 70% over 72 hours. But the question is, if you're gonna use hormonal contraceptives, why don't you, she just get on the goddamn pill.

14:20 Adam Yeah, Drew, go buddy.

14:22 Drew Help me understand that logic. What in the hell are you talking about, Trevor? And use the condom until she is fully protected on the pill.

14:31 Caller Yeah, she don't like the pill because it makes her boobs big. And it like real.

14:36 Adam All right, so do we have to talk to, really, Trevor?

14:38 Drew Trevor, there are pills, there are various dosage of the various combinations of the pills that she can find.

14:43 Adam I blessed off in her. I blessed off in her.

14:46 Caller And then we feed her the pills.

14:49 Adam She don't like the pill because it makes her boobs big.

14:53 Drew Really?

14:55 Adam Makes your boobs big.

14:56 Drew Can.

14:56 Adam Yeah.

14:57 Drew It's a bad thing?

14:58 Adam That's what I'm saying. I mean, no, I know it makes your boobs big. Yeah, how do you do, Trevor? What's wrong with big boobs? Boobs big.

15:07 Caller It ain't me, it's not my boobs, it's hers. She says she gets real sensitive and stuff and she don't like it.

15:13 Drew There are pills that have low dose estrogen that won't cause that.

15:16 Adam What are you doing, Trevor? I'm closing my eyes, I'm seeing a forklift.

15:22 Caller Nope, nowhere near that.

15:24 Adam No.

15:24 Drew A bandage cage?

15:25 Adam You haven't moved up to the forklift yet? When are they gonna let you drive the forklift? I guess it's the question. You just moving stuff using a hand truck? That's going on.

15:33 Caller I've been almost in graduate school for the string theory.

15:40 Drew You know what that is, chief?

15:44 Caller I'm a post-graduate student in physics. String theory has a lot to do with mathematics.

15:49 Adam Really? What school are you going to?

15:51 Caller It's the 10 dimensional tree of life.

15:56 Adam Yeah?

15:56 Drew He's not studying.

15:57 Caller New college, you ever heard of it down in Sarasota, Florida?

16:00 Adam New college?

16:01 Caller Yeah, the University of Florida, New College.

16:05 Adam No, no, I know you're older than the medium.

16:07 Drew How far into the calculus are you?

16:10 Caller I'm way past calculus, I did. Got my minor in math about in 98.

16:15 Adam What are you doing in La Mirada?

16:17 Caller Visiting my girlfriend.

16:20 Drew You got a minor in math when you were 16?

16:23 Caller Yep.

16:24 Drew 14, according to you.

16:25 Adam What?

16:25 Drew 14.

16:26 Adam You're 21 now, are you a genius?

16:28 Caller I wouldn't say that, you were saying I was a step away from a forklift, so obviously not.

16:33 Adam I was thinking forklift, yeah, but once in a while, you get the guy who sort of sounds like, sounds blue collar, but is really, really got some genius in him. Is that you, Trevor?

16:45 Caller Well, it's probably, that's actually, I'm glad you brought that up, because I did a lot of LSD and a lot of acid, you know, when I was like in high school. And I was gonna ask Drew if he thinks that's gonna have a long-term effect on my life. I don't take it no more, but for about two years, I take it no more, and you've finished calculus when you were 14?

17:03 Adam He's a math major, not an English major.

17:06 Caller I took quite a bit of acid, and do you think that's gonna have an effect on my mood down the road?

17:13 Drew Yeah, it does, not necessarily your intellect, but your moods for sure.

17:16 Adam So it's not gonna hurt your test scores, but you could be in a funk.

17:20 Drew Absolutely.

17:21 Adam Are all the lines not good tonight or something? Every line seems bad, not only the callers, but I mean the connections, there's something's going on.

17:34 Drew You're not interested in poking at Trevor Smoore?

17:37 Adam No.

17:37 Drew He did his calculus when he was 14.

17:39 Adam You know why? Because Trevor's a marginal ass, and when you ask questions from guys that are asses, you have to get half answers, and you have to squeeze them a little bit. They become like 50s thugs who are being squeezed by the local cops. You know what I mean? What are you doing here? Nothing. Why'd you come downtown? I don't know, my memory's not so good. You know what I'm saying?

18:11 Drew Yes.

18:11 I like how he referred to you as chief though, that was good.

18:13 Adam Yeah, chief, I like that. Corrine. All right, is this how you spell Corrine, by the way?

18:26 Drew I don't think so, but.

18:27 Adam How do you spell your name?

18:28 C-O-R-Y-N.

18:29 Caller There you go.

18:30 Adam All right, is that how you spell Corrine?

18:33 Drew That's how she spells it.

18:35 Adam Was that how everyone spells Corrine?

18:37 No, I've never even heard of anybody else's name be Corrine, but I've seen one other person that they would spell it with an I.

18:45 Drew No, no, don't go there, don't do it.

18:47 Adam She corrected me on how to spell her name, right? Or say her name.

18:50 Drew Yes.

18:51 Adam I said Corrine and she said Corrine. And then later on she said no one else spells Corrine this way. Didn't she do that?

19:00 Drew Yes.

19:01 Adam So is it Corrine or is it Corrine?

19:04 Drew Corrine.

19:05 Adam Well, but she said it the other way. What is it? Corrine. Corrine. All right, that's a name that people have.

19:13 Drew She's never seen it spelled this way.

19:16 Adam Oh, okay, you've never seen it spelled this way. All right, it's gonna be a horrible night. Do we have to sort of best offer something? Well, you know why? Because I decide, screw it, I'm not gonna go carry this show tonight.

19:30 Caller Let Drew do something.

19:31 Adam That's fine, relax. Now we have no show.

19:32 Drew Relax.

19:33 Adam Go ahead.

19:35 Okay, I was wondering if I should still talk to my dad because one time he told me I wasn't his kid and he called me a slut before and my whole family up there called me fat and I'm the skinniest one. I weigh 115 pounds and my grandma blocked my number.

19:52 Drew What's your number?

19:54 Adam Blocked her number?

19:55 Drew Blocked your number.

19:56 Yeah.

19:58 Drew Who takes care of you? Where do you live? Who do you live with?

20:00 I live with my mom.

20:02 Drew Yeah, just stay with, these all, the rest of them sound like awful people, right?

20:07 Well, because my cousin told her that I gave her pot and so my grandma blocked my number.

20:15 Adam I think the word you're looking for is blocked.

20:19 Blocked, yeah.

20:21 Adam Right, it always sounds like you say blocked your number. There's a, you gotta get that L in there.

20:27 Drew Corinne, have you been misbehaving?

20:30 No, not really. I mean, I didn't even give it to her, her friend did, but her dad, do you know the Jimmy Van Zandt band?

20:39 Adam Sure, Drew doesn't, but I do.

20:41 Her dad is in that band, my uncle.

20:46 Drew Her dad, your uncle?

20:48 Adam You know the Van Zandt, sir? Leonard Skinner. The oldest Van Zandt died in a plane crash. I guess Jimmy's probably his younger brother or something, right? Mm-hmm. Never bother you that I know everything and you know nothing, but you get to be the smart one? How do you think that feels for me, by the way?

21:08 Drew It's interesting.

21:08 Adam Yeah, you know what I'm saying? What must it be like for me? Forget about you, what about me?

21:12 Drew Must be hard.

21:13 Adam It's difficult. All right, okay, look. Well, first off, the fact that you know someone who knows someone who knows Jimmy Van Sant puts a completely different spin on the call. Now, okay, now I got another answer for all your problems. I was gonna give you just the straight stuff. I didn't know you knew someone who knew someone who knew someone who knew Jimmy Van Sant.

21:33 No, he's in the band.

21:34 Adam In the band. That's what I'm saying.

21:37 Totally different.

21:38 Adam You placed a hollowed out fish next to Jimmy Van Sant. I didn't know about that. Okay, here's the thing. This is a white trash disaster. Your grandmother's blocked your calls. No one talks to you. Everyone hates you. You're being unfairly prosecuted. I'm guessing. I'm guessing you're doing something to bring some of this on. There's no doubt that your family's a mess.

22:02 Drew But you live with mom. You could avoid these other folks if you were to treat them badly.

22:07 Adam Here, I'm gonna give you a three-tier plan. One is stay in school. Two, don't get pregnant. And three, don't get pregnant.

22:16 Well, I plan to graduate and everything, but they always say I'm gonna get pregnant and drop out and stuff.

22:20 Drew And three B, go away to school after you get out of high school.

22:23 Adam And let me offer you this, too. They say, they say, they say. Why don't you prove them wrong? You know what I mean? Like, where you go, you go what?

22:35 Drew Hate them enough to really show them up.

22:37 Adam I'm planning on graduating from high school, but they say, uh-huh, they say, all great people had others saying you couldn't do something, and they went ahead and did it anyway.

22:46 Drew Prove them wrong.

22:47 Adam That's right. No one's called the show, but people throughout history, I imagine.

22:51 Drew It's very difficult. I know it's easy to say, hey, don't talk to your dad, don't talk to your grandma, but they're really mistreating you. They don't deserve to have your attention right now.

22:58 Because, like, I used to go up there like every other weekend and stuff since I was little, and, like, it's my whole family, my whole big family.

23:06 Drew I know, break, break, get a little distance. Get a little distance from them right now. Just stay with your mom and talk to her. Get your support from your mom, okay?

23:12 Adam All right, I gotta give a speech to the kids, which is, she's 15. 15 is right about the age where you can almost completely break away from your family, especially if they're not great folks. Now, I'm not telling you move out and, you know, live under the freeway overpass. I'm saying get involved with school, get involved with your friends, get involved with extracurricular activity, sports, cheerleading, whatever it is, this club, that club, get off the radar screen, and just you leave the house at 7.40, 7.15 in the morning, you leave for school. You go to school until 3 o'clock, then softball practice. That goes on till 5.30, 6. You don't get home till 6, 6.30. You eat dinner, you go in your room and study, you beat off, optional, you go to bed. That's it, you wake up, you do the same thing again. You don't get in anyone's face, you don't need anything from anybody. Maybe you got a little after school job, maybe you got a little, weekends come around, you're down at the liquor store working, delivering booze, whatever it is, flipping burgers, whatever it is. That's it.

24:15 Drew Get out of the radar.

24:16 Adam You almost have no contact with them. And then that's it. Then you graduate, you get an apartment, you get a job, you move out. Or you go off to college, you get some grants, you get some loans, whatever it is. That's it. That's it. I didn't see my dad and my stepmom from 15 on. You just stay out. Just get out of their way. Just walk around them. That's all.

24:36 Drew The problem is people, they can't resist just poking, poking, poking.

24:40 Adam Yes.

24:40 Drew They've got to create the dance.

24:42 Adam Right.

24:42 Drew They don't exist unless they're in that dance.

24:44 Adam Unless they're being traumatized, abused or beat up on, unless their grandmother's blocking their number, their mom's calling them fat or their dad's abusing them, calling them a slut. They don't know they're alive. So they go to the room and they study for a little bit and they get bored and it gets too quiet and they walk out and they go see what dad and stepmom are doing and the next thing you know, there's trouble. Leave them alone. Get out of their crosshairs. Fine. Here's the thing too about most bad people, I really do believe, just stay out of their crosshairs for the most part. They leave you alone.

25:15 Drew They're busy doing their thing, making their dance work.

25:18 Adam It's the adult equivalent to not driving through bad neighborhoods. Just stay on the freeway. Don't get off. You'll break down. You'll get screwed. All right? We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this.

25:38 Caller Loveline is brought to you by the 2004 College Music Awards, presented by the US. Navy. Vote now on your cell phone, text CMA to 75423, or go to thecollegemusicawards.com.

26:04 Adam There, buddy, Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-er. All right, let's get back to phones. We'll speak to Erica from Get It On, from Minnesota. 26. Hey.

26:20 Caller I have a question about, do people go to the bathroom ever when they're having sex, or is it possible?

26:28 Drew You mean you get up and go to the bathroom?

26:30 Adam Mainly number two, but sometimes you urinate, right?

26:33 Drew Do you evacuate your bowels or bladder during sex?

26:36 Caller No, I'm just wondering if it's physically possible that that happens.

26:40 Drew Yes, women can do that.

26:41 Caller Cause I worry about it and I just wonder, you know, when I, it's never happened, but I worry that it would happen.

26:48 Drew Have you ever had an orgasm? Yeah. And you don't feel like you're releasing anything during that?

26:53 Caller Well, yeah, I do. But I mean, I can tell the difference.

26:58 Drew Okay, so you have a sort of ejaculation, but no pee.

27:01 Adam Right.

27:02 Drew Okay, yeah, sometimes women do have what's called orgasmic incontinence, but if you haven't had it till now, you're probably not going to have it.

27:09 Adam Yeah, why worry about it? I mean, why plant that seed if it's never happened?

27:13 Caller Like, it sometimes ruins the moment for me because I feel like, like, oh my God, what if I, what if something happens, you know?

27:20 Adam Right, we get that part.

27:22 Drew The question, though, why allow it to ruin the moment since it's never happened?

27:26 Adam People speak about the potential outcome. It's like, why are you so scared of air travel? Well, if the plane crashes, you know, we're all gonna die. Yeah, all right. Why are you scared? Why, why are you, I'm asking about what leads you to that point. I know if you whiz on the guy, it might be marginally embarrassing. I'm asking, why, why obsess over it? You've never done it.

27:52 Caller Why what?

27:53 Adam You've never done it before.

27:55 Caller No, no, but I feel like, I feel like it could happen. You know what I mean?

28:01 Drew Eric, Eric, Eric.

28:02 Adam It would have happened by now.

28:03 Drew Yes, we got it. It feels like it's gonna happen, but it's not gonna happen. So why obsess, but why obsess about it?

28:09 Adam Well, you have never done it. I mean, you've been humped many a time, yes?

28:13 Drew Yeah. That's the point, is it why let it, something that even if it did happen, wouldn't be that big a deal.

28:18 Caller Okay, so what about, okay, what about not only urine, but what about number two of them? What if, does that happen ever?

28:26 Adam By the way, if I could produce a little of that from a gal, I would really feel like I did something.

28:31 Drew That's a big goal.

28:32 Adam Like I banged the S out of her.

28:35 Drew Right.

28:35 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

28:38 Drew Men would be.

28:38 Adam That would be a good, that would be.

28:40 Drew Yeah, they'd be triumphant.

28:41 Adam At first, it would be a little off-putting, but then you would finish up.

28:46 Drew This holds to my theory that men really genuinely wanna do some harm with their penis.

28:50 Adam It'd be nice.

28:51 Drew They really do.

28:52 Adam It'd be nice.

28:53 Drew That's what's in them.

28:54 Adam Yeah. I think I could rupture an eardrum if I got a fast enough run at somebody.

28:59 Drew Your eardrum.

29:00 Adam My own? No, I don't think I can get to myself. What are you saying, Drew?

29:06 Drew I see. I thought you meant from the...

29:08 Adam Scream?

29:09 Drew Or the...

29:10 Pressure?

29:10 Drew Yeah, the bearing down and all.

29:12 Adam No, no. Oh, I see. Like as if I'm gonna scrunch my forehead so hard that I'm gonna actually blow an eardrum out. No, no, I'm not talking about that. Erica.

29:22 Caller Yeah.

29:24 Adam This is a unnatural obsession that you're having.

29:28 It is.

29:29 Adam Well, and the number two question just... We never had that.

29:33 What's that?

29:35 Adam We've never had the number two question on this show. I don't think because it's sort of asking it like if you could go number two on a roller coaster. It's like, well, no, I don't think you would. You just wouldn't.

29:49 Caller No, but sometimes when I'm having sex, I feel like-

29:52 Drew Erica, Erica, Erica, we get that. We get that it feels like, we get that it feels like, we get that it feels like, we've said that 60 times. It's still an unusual obsession and to take it all the way to the number two because you feel like urinating, you're thinking about pooping also.

30:07 Adam Yeah. What's going on? Anything weird? Anything we need to know?

30:11 Caller Hmm, I guess I don't know. I don't think so.

30:16 Adam All right, you have a boyfriend, a husband? How is working out okay?

30:21 Caller Yeah, we've been together for, let's see, five years now.

30:24 Drew Is he, ooh, is he uptight or making you feel weird?

30:27 Caller Um, not, not sexually. I mean, sometimes outside of the bedroom, you know, he's a little uptight about things that I wouldn't necessarily be uptight about.

30:37 Drew Like give us an example of those.

30:39 Adam Nah, I don't care. Here's a big question. You ever do any ice fishing?

30:43 Caller Do I? No.

30:45 Adam Okay, he's calling from Minnesota.

30:47 Caller He does, but I don't.

30:50 Drew What's he coming in at?

30:51 Adam Here's the whole thing about weight-wise. They're not gonna let him on the ice. He puts on 10 more pounds. It's only three foot thick.

30:59 Drew That may be why she's feeling that pressure.

31:03 Adam Let me tell you something.

31:04 Drew And why she's thinking about number two coming out too. She may be like, swash her.

31:07 Adam Yeah, like he's gonna just roll her like some toothpaste. Guys who ice fish are incredibly heavy for guys. Guys who ice fish probably average about 120 pounds more than your average guy.

31:18 Drew That's what I'm thinking.

31:19 Adam And it's ironic because they're out on the ice. Erica?

31:24 Caller He's not that big though.

31:25 Caller Not that big.

31:26 Caller He's a little bit bigger, but he's about 200 pounds, five, six, five, seven.

31:35 Adam No, but he's a pixie by a Minnesota ice fishing standards. You're right. But five, six, everybody, 200 pounds is stout. Stocky. Stocky. Yeah, that's a thick guy. I mean, you know, you tell me, you tell me a guy is six foot, 200 pounds. That's a good size guy. Five, six, 200 pounds is a fire plug. Yeah, and by the way, her five, six, 200 pounds, this guy could be 215. That's a, he's got some, he's got those kinds of calves that the sock won't go around.

32:09 Drew He's a boat, 200 pounds.

32:11 Adam Ice fishing is awesome because you just sit on a block of ice and get drunk. That's all you do.

32:17 Drew It's bizarre to me.

32:18 Adam And the thing that's funny about-

32:19 Drew You sit in a little house too.

32:21 Adam Yeah, well, if you're good, you have a shed.

32:23 Drew A shed, yeah.

32:24 Adam You push a shed out to the middle of the lake, then you get the auger pit. You drill a hole in the lake. But it's the kind of thing you do when you need to survive. Not when there's a liquor store down the street and you can just go buy yourself a bag of chips and some bean dip.

32:37 Drew It's a sport?

32:38 Adam Well, it's an activity.

32:40 Drew A pastime.

32:40 Adam It's a way to get drunk.

32:42 Drew Yeah, clearly.

32:43 Adam The winters are long. You don't want to sit home and get drunk. You've got to sit on a wooden bench on a block of ice and get drunk. That's what it's about. But the thing that's funny about ice fishing is, I know 20 guys, one of them fishes. In Minnesota, not only do they all fish, they all ice fish. I think there's more guys who ice fish than regular fish.

33:03 Drew Seems like it.

33:04 Adam Doesn't make sense. We got to get them some satellite or something up there. Erica? You're 18? What's happening?

33:18 Caller Well, I just kind of wanted to get you guys' opinion about why, I don't know, some of the things that happened in my past.

33:26 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

33:29 Caller So can I start? I think, I was trying to guess at the ages, I think anywhere from four to six, I had a friend, from maybe four to seven, and we were constantly playing the whole mommy daddy role. But we did stuff that was, I don't think, normal for, I don't know, that's why I want to get your opinion. We'd get naked and, you know, just pretend like we were having an intercourse.

33:51 Adam How old were you?

33:54 Caller You know, from like four to seven. I mean, it went on for quite a while.

33:57 Drew Was there penetration?

33:58 Caller What?

33:59 Drew Was things put inside, just sort of humping?

34:03 Adam It was a girl? All right.

34:05 Drew But I mean, you still, you know, okay, no, no.

34:10 Caller No, I didn't use anything.

34:11 Adam Well, how are you, okay, so how are you doing now?

34:15 Caller Well, and then there was a situation when I was, I'm guessing probably like 7th or 8th grade, and my cousin and I, also a girl, messed around. But it wasn't something like, we don't talk about it.

34:35 Drew And did you, were you exposed, how did you know what intercourse was at three, four years old?

34:40 Caller I've been listening, well, I don't know then. I mean, then, I don't know. I'm sure I saw my, I know I walked into my parents one time when I was young and I've been listening to you guys since I was, you know, two.

34:51 Adam Yeah, so it was Drew. So-

34:53 Drew Since you were how old?

34:55 Caller I've been listening to you guys?

34:57 Drew Yes.

34:58 Caller Probably, I don't know, I guess maybe 11 or 12.

35:02 Adam All right, so what's going on?

35:04 Oh, well, I just, this is kind of strange.

35:07 Caller I mean, is that normal? Is that normal?

35:11 Adam You're tinkering around with those girls?

35:14 Caller Well, I try to justify it, because I know when you're-

35:16 Adam All right, listen, quiet. It's fine, you're fine.

35:18 Drew No, he could screw with her orientation. It could make her sort of confused.

35:22 Adam Yeah, look, we've heard 1,000 times worse on this show every night, so you're fine. What else is going on? You have a boyfriend.

35:35 Caller We're sexually active, and it's okay.

35:39 Drew It's a stable relationship, everything's okay.

35:43 Caller Yeah, I mean, the first person I was ever with, who was the only second person I had sex with, that was awful, it went on for like a year and a half, and pretty much just used me, and we just had sex, and he never committed anything, and I kind of always hoped he would.

35:58 Adam All right, now everyone gets burned once or twice.

36:02 Drew You're likely to still have some feelings towards women after having had those sort of child and child experiences, but it doesn't mean you're gonna be, it doesn't mean necessarily anything.

36:12 Adam Yeah, like don't walk around feeling like damaged goods. There's something a little, she's sort of skittish.

36:18 Drew Well, she had a sexual encounter with a cousin, it's weird.

36:21 Adam First cousin or a second cousin, or how far away? Same age, and how old were you?

36:30 Caller Maybe like 13, I don't know ages as opposed to grades and stuff. I'm guessing like eighth grade, I don't know whatever age.

36:38 Adam All right, eighth grade. That's a little up there for the cousin on cousin love. Same sex, what did you guys do with each other?

36:50 Caller Touch each other, fingering, stuff like that. It was weird because there was no kissing, I was just a little bumpy and grinding and stuff like that.

36:56 Adam Sure, kissing would be weird, finger blasting. Perfectly appropriate, and just to make it funny, was it around Easter or Thanksgiving or some inappropriate holiday?

37:08 Caller No, not that I remember.

37:11 Adam All right, listen, you're fine, junior college, what's going on?

37:22 Drew Why? Why'd you move out? Yeah, a lot of that chaos may have been why you sort of self-stimulated and went to girls.

37:33 Adam Just calling from Riverside, too.

37:34 Drew So I think more of that chaos may have had any more of an impact on you than the child on child activity.

37:40 Adam I'm scared to drive through Riverside, like 80 is not fast enough to go through Riverside. You know what they ought to do? They ought to raise the speed limit for crappy towns that you have to drive through.

37:52 Drew That's a great idea.

37:52 Adam I mean, let's just, we just want to get through.

37:54 Drew Upland.

37:55 Adam It's sort of like walking on hot sand. You know, you gotta get running and it's like, I gotta run, run, run, and then I'll jump on a towel. That'll be Los Angeles. Gotta move. They should, if you're out of town or especially the nicer neighborhood you come from, the faster you should be able to drive. That's the way we should work. We should adjust it. In which case I should be able to go like 170 through Riverside. I've never spoken to anyone from Riverside that didn't have some sort of a crazy, chaotic, peace-ass family. Get out of Riverside, by the way, and forget about this junior college. You're not school material. You're not student material. All right, you ready to take a break? We'll be right back after this. Loveline. You know, Drew, smelling good is more than a smell. It's an attitude.

38:46 Drew That's true, Adam.

38:47 Adam It is?

38:47 Drew Yeah, yeah, I know how to get that attitude, too.

38:50 Adam How?

38:51 Drew Axe deodorant body spray.

39:07 Adam I gotta tell you what, boy.

39:10 Drew I tell you what.

39:10 Adam 831, 31, I have to hear your call. I gotta tell you what, Dr. Drew over there, Adam Carolla over here, today's husband, checking in weather, coming in to weather traffic, coming up, 61 degrees, Agoura Hills, El Hambro, 61 degrees, Arcadia, checking in 61, Baldwin Park, 61, Bellflower, 61, Carson, 61, Cerritos, 61, Cudahy, checking in 61 degrees, Downey, 61, Duarte, 61, Hey, Warm Orb, 61, Hothorn, Inglewood, checking in 61, La Canyada, Flintridge area, checking in 61, La Mirada, Drew, what do you think?

39:48 Drew Breezy, 61.

39:49 Adam 61 degrees, South Southwest, four knots, 61 degrees, La Pointe, 61, Lancaster, Lawndale, 61, Lomita, 61, Linwood, 61, Monrovia, 61, Montebello, 61 degrees, Pico Rivera, checking in 61 degrees, San Gabriel, 61, Santa Fe, Spring, 61 degrees, Sierra Madre, 61, Southgate, 61, Torrance, 61, Vernon, 61, Walla, 61, Cedar, Wheaton, 61 degrees, and now it's time to get a little traffic. And I'll tell you what, Drew, did you drive in at the moment? Wasn't either. 8.31, 8.30, whatever, 8 o'clock, 20 on the way from top of the hour, news, weather, and traffic coming up at the top of the hour. Drew, did you come in at 8? Did you have a lot of brake lights? A lot of brake lights. Look out for brake lights. Slow and go on the 405. Look out for brake lights. Brake lights, traffic and lanes. Couldn't get through the four level. Look out for brake lights. I'll tell you what. Watch out, there's a guy. I'll tell you, once in a while, it gets really morbid, but the guy's just power through it. Fuel carrying a truck, 18 wheeler carrying jet fuel collided with a moped, had a guy down soon to drive it. I don't know if they're cleaning that up. That's on the 101. They bring up things like carnage, you know what I mean? Like picturing body parts spread around.

40:56 Drew Hopefully CHP have that cleared up soon.

40:58 Adam A guy on a motorcycle collided with three Humvees. Hoping he's going to clean that up. That's on the 101. I like that they focus on the traffic portion of the tragedy. Right. Jet fuel all over the four level. The guy at the moped was trapped amongst it and evidently was ignited. So look out for delays. If you're coming in, you may want to get off the 405. Takes a pole of it along there. Sort of a guy's on fire in the middle of the freeway. We got that. Sort of a helicopter landing out of there, a gore checking in 61 degrees. All right, Drew, ready to get back on the phones? The weather traffic.

41:32 Drew The morning high profile vehicle gusts in the past.

41:34 Adam Another news. I'll tell you what, we got to get into the news. Oh gee, unrest in the Middle East will trouble in the Middle East. There's trouble in the Middle East, unrest in the Middle East. Stay tuned though for news traffic. The weather, 831, 31 after 8 o'clock, 29 away from the top of the hour. When we get to the top of the hour, maybe they'll have an old Middle East thing taken care of, may end up in trouble in the Middle East. Unrest in the Middle East.

41:54 Drew There will be some traffic.

41:55 Adam There will be traffic coming up, I'll tell you, to four or five. Look out for brake lights, traffic and lines. Here we go. Ready to hop back on the phones, Drew? First, quick, quick shout out of the weather, quick, a look at the weather, there's 61 downy, 61 Duarte. All right. Santa Monica checking in at 61 degrees. You ready? I'm ready. Ready to hop back on the phones? 61 degrees everybody, dress appropriately. Here we go, back to the phones. Let's go talk to Chris, look out for brake lights on the 405, slow going on the way in to work. A lot of people commute out in the Southern California area, aren't used to seeing the traffic and brake lights. Watch out, slow and go. I like once in a while when they add a little something, stay cool out there, relax, a little piece of their own, just a little homespun philosophy for you to take with you into the job. Give it a break. Chris.

42:46 Caller Yes.

42:48 Adam 18?

42:48 Caller Yes.

42:49 Adam What's that?

42:50 Caller I just recently got my penis pierced.

42:52 Adam Penis pierced, Irwindale 61.

42:56 Caller Just because it was my birthday and I just wanted to get it done.

43:03 Drew Just because you thought it looks cool or what?

43:05 Caller No, I just wanted to see what the big hype was and it's not really that big.

43:10 Drew No, I mean, it feels just like you think it would feel when somebody sticks a spear through your penis, in your urethra and out the base of your penis.

43:17 Caller Well, I didn't do that. I just got like a foreskin pierced.

43:20 Adam Foreskin?

43:20 Drew It's just a little ring, a little earring, foreskin ring. You pansy!

43:25 Adam Poser. I don't know how anyone could do that.

43:28 Caller I just wanted to know, like, having a penis piercing, can it, like, increase...

43:33 Adam Let me say this. I got a question. For the penis, they got to do, you know, they got the big long barbs that go through the urethra and stuff. But if you just get the urethra, I mean, I'm sorry, the foreskin pierced...

43:47 Drew Pre-peus.

43:47 Adam Yeah, pre-peus pierced. Just like you would do the lobe of your ear, with the lobe, the earlobe thing, they'll have that gun down at the mall.

43:56 Drew Yeah, I mean, with the pre-peus, they pull ice on there.

43:58 Adam No, I'm just saying, can they just give you the gun?

44:00 Drew Probably.

44:02 Adam Did they use the gun on you?

44:05 Caller Okay.

44:05 Adam All right.

44:06 Caller Well, I want to know, like...

44:07 Adam And by the way, I don't know why, but somehow doing the foreskin for the person who's doing it is more grotesque in its own bizarre way that you're actually... Yeah, I don't know why, but you know why? Because the spirit of the urethra almost feels like a procedure.

44:26 Drew Right.

44:26 Adam Whereas the foreskin just seems like...

44:28 Drew You're having a penis.

44:29 Adam This is something you do at sleepaway camp when you're 13 and you're just fagging off with the guy in the bunk above you. This is just bizarre, like sexual ritual, you know, gay sexuality here.

44:42 Caller Yeah.

44:42 Drew Is he gay?

44:44 Adam Chris, are you gay?

44:45 Caller No.

44:45 Adam You are now. Who did this for you? Was it a guy? She pulled your foreskin out and iced it up, or what'd she do?

44:56 Caller Yeah, what she did, she pulled it out and they iced it up. And she was wearing the surgical gloves and everything. And then, kind of what she did, she pushed in the needle with her thumb while she was holding the other side with her two fingers. Mm-hmm.

45:07 Adam And then, she pushed it through her fingers. But I know everyone's a mess at these places, so normal rules don't apply. But if you're this guy's, if you're this chick's husband or boyfriend and she's just sort of handling dongs all day.

45:22 Drew How about the guy doing the vaginal piercing?

45:25 Adam Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. All right. So, now you have, what, a stud or a hoop?

45:31 Caller No, I just have a hoop with the ball in it.

45:33 Drew Well, by the way, Adam, I mean, how dare you? These people are trained, licensed. Of course, and my government would not allow people to handle body parts, intimate parts, and pushing needles and barbs and spears through them, unless they were carefully licensed and carefully monitored. And, you know, OSHA gets involved in every aspect of every business, so of course they're involved with this one.

45:51 Adam I don't understand how that works because Drew tries to run himself a little doctoring business and OSHA and FEMA and everything that ends with an A is up his ass as far as the government goes.

46:05 Drew And every attorney and every liability and every insurance necessary, licensing, licensing.

46:08 Adam You have 70 years of college and you have to have a $4 billion worth of insurance. How can a place open where you have basically guys that are high on, you know, they're on methadone, they dropped out of junior college, and they've botched a few piercings and tats on themselves. They're going at the, they're going at your labia?

46:28 Drew If you have an untoward experience, some sort of bacteria gets introduced. They're a bacteria in the environment. You can get the flesh eating bacteria going on your penis. No problem.

46:37 Adam Well, anyway, Chris. So your question was, you want to know if you can use condoms? I want to know. All right. Do they have that?

46:47 Drew They have reinforced condoms. You usually get them from the piercing shops. Also, I think the magnum, the magnums are sort of tapered towards the tip.

47:01 Adam So the Trojan Magnum, so you can. I was like the checking in part, checking in.

47:06 Oh, I'm from La Mirada.

47:09 Adam Yeah, I'm outside. I'm looking at the monomers. About 61. Okay. I'll call you back in 20.

47:17 Drew Well, no. Okay.

47:18 Adam If nothing changes, I won't.

47:20 Drew Okay. We'll talk.

47:21 Adam I'll be right back. All right. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. We do have a good time over here, don't we, Drew? I'll tell you what we do have a good time. I'll tell you, we'll crack each other up, you know? It's good times. Chris, I'll tell you what, you know, I'll tell you the good, I'll tell you, we'll crack each other up off the air. We're going to or in the sky, he's gonna be telling us it's 61 degrees from a helicopter, it's fantastic, and that there might be trouble in the Middle East. Brake lights, slow and go on the 405, everybody, look out, watch out, traffic in lanes, look out for brake lights. Hey, I'll tell you what, be prepared to slow down. I like that one, too. Now, when you say be prepared to slow down, is emotionally, I have to start preparing? Like Drew, like when you find out that an older parent or family member has cancer, and you're saying, we need to start preparing over the next few months.

50:15 Drew That's what they mean.

50:16 Adam Emotionally, or should I actually take my foot and put it onto the brake, or grab the emergency brake? Or should I be bracing myself?

50:25 Drew No, I think the slowing down and the emotion, preparing yourself, all those things.

50:29 Adam Traveling Lanes, number three lanes, got a moped collided with an armored truck that was carrying liquid nitrogen. So look out for that. Let's give it a get off in the 405, get off as a pole, but I may want to hop back on, okay? So enjoy your commute out there. Remember folks, take it easy. I like that. All right, you ready to go, Drew? Here we go. Back onto the phones, Emily.

50:54 Caller I was wondering why I like to be called names while I'm having sex.

50:59 Adam Mm-hmm. Like what kind of names?

51:03 Caller Like different ones. Like he didn't start doing it until I asked him to.

51:07 Adam All right, let's do a little Loveline reenactment there, Drew, to start. I like being calling names, and I don't know what I mean.

51:15 Drew What kind of names?

51:16 Adam Oh, oh, different ones. I didn't start, you know, he didn't start until I asked him to.

51:23 Drew Oh, now I know, thank you for painting that vivid picture, Emily.

51:27 Adam Yeah.

51:27 Drew All right, those names were, they're extraordinary names.

51:30 Adam I'll tell you, I don't know, he must have.

51:32 Drew What a creative set of names, too.

51:35 Adam Yeah, that was a pet name for me. My first girlfriend, I used to call her that. Ooh.

51:42 Drew Yeah, there we go. There we go, here we go.

51:46 Adam La-Tay-ah, 61 out in Bellflower, Carson's Rio's checking in, 61. Drew, what's going on? Is it just super white trash?

51:53 Drew I think you scared them all off with the diatribe when you walked in. You made them anxious, they all went home.

51:58 Adam All right, well, I came in in a bad mood, but everybody who's called the show tonight, is the chicks are like, yeah.

52:09 Drew How about the guys that started with the salesmen and went down?

52:12 Adam Yeah, yeah, let's go. Let's go, Drew.

52:16 Drew What's that, Anderson?

52:16 Adam Want to turn Drew up, let's go.

52:18 Drew Let's rock it out.

52:19 Adam Let's go, let's break it down. Let's get it on and let's freak out.

52:23 You ever heard of the string theory, chief?

52:28 Adam All right, I'll tell you the only way to remedy this mess of a show.

52:34 Drew Little Ranchero Countdown.

52:36 Adam I'll tell you, nine simple words. Aces, ranchero, Mexican, according, count down. Five simple words. How you feeling there, Ingenious, coming out of that side?

52:52 Drew Oh, it's Anderson's side, all right.

52:53 Adam Okay. All right, now Drew, you want to play with a listener? Or have they not earned it tonight?

53:02 Drew No, let's play by ourselves.

53:05 Adam Not earned it, okay. All right, now how long before the accordion music kicks in?

53:10 Drew You go half, you both.

53:11 Adam All right.

53:12 Drew I got a number in my head.

53:16 Adam Five seconds.

53:17 Drew Oh, that was my number.

53:19 Adam Was it?

53:19 Drew Four.

53:20 Adam Four, going low. Okay, Drew's four, Ace is five. I'll cue you in three, two, one.

53:28 Caller No, guys, this is too stressful for me. I can't take it.

53:33 Adam What? Don't we have anything?

53:37 Drew Anderson?

53:38 Caller I was sweating and waiting for you guys to do it and my knee was going up and down and the song was kicking. And then right when you said three, two, one, they stopped. It's hell.

53:46 Adam Okay, hold on a second.

53:48 Drew Hold on.

53:48 Adam Don't we have a CD here, of Rand Charo music?

53:52 Drew Yes, we do.

53:54 Adam Oh, we do? Okay.

53:57 Drew Let's call me right. I don't like that Rand Charo music.

53:59 Adam Just because you lost the last three. We got it, right? Oh, okay, buddy. Let me just, Chris, let me just say this. And remember, take this in the spirit which is tented. We may oftentimes play this game. No. Yeah, yes, yes. I'm just saying, we've done it three times a night for the last three weeks. I'm just saying, you go ahead and get it queued up there. You shouldn't have to go out to the car.

54:26 Caller All right, so Drew, you're four, Adam, you're five.

54:27 Drew Yeah. And we'll give you a countdown here. Four, three, two, one.

54:33 Adam All right, hold on.

54:36 Caller You gotta say go.

54:36 Adam All right, well, hold on, Drew, don't stop the countdown. You gotta keep the countdown going.

54:41 Drew That's fine, I was ahead of the count. I was taking a second break. All right, we're doing it again. Three, two, one, go. This is great Ranchero music. This is much more classic than that sort of stylized stuff that engineer Michelle brings in.

55:10 Adam Now this is the real McCoy.

55:12 Drew This is the real thing.

55:13 Adam This is indie Ranchero music.

55:15 Drew I actually taste Corona Beer when I hear this.

55:19 Adam This is the REM and radio head of Ranchero music. No, it's not erasure. No, that's gay stuff. This is the hardcore. This is the independent stuff. This is the college radio stuff. This is the underground stuff.

55:38 Caller Is it more like the Beatles stuff?

55:40 Drew This is keeping it real.

55:41 Adam No, when you're hardcore into ranchero, when you're doing the sellout thing, this is the ranchero music you listen to.

55:49 Drew It's like Pennywise. If we had them in the studio, they'd bomb it on us.

55:52 Adam Right. Yeah.

55:53 Drew Or we might bomb it on them.

55:56 Adam So, Drew, you won because I won five, and you, like a coward, won four, and it was immediate on that one. All right, we'll play again. Chris will be cued out there.

56:08 Drew No, no, I like the music Anderson plays.

56:09 Adam No, I can't.

56:10 Drew Way better.

56:11 Adam No, it's the same crap, and it's not loud enough. I can't hear it. All right, Alexis? You're 18? What's happening?

56:24 Caller We got together when I was 17, and he was 22. But my parents didn't really want me dating anyone. That was like over 21. And so we said that he was 19, and then he just had his birthday, and he just turned 23. And he has a six-year-old daughter. What do you think would be the best way to tell my parents about that?

56:42 Drew Where's that music?

56:43 Adam He has a six-year-old daughter.

56:46 Caller Yeah.

56:47 Adam So he had a kid pretty young.

56:49 Caller It was like a one night stand type of thing. And the girl at the time said that she would take care of the baby and he wouldn't have to worry about it, whatever.

56:59 Drew I was listening to a tape about the cyclical nature of history. He was talking about barbarism and how in man's barbaric state, males would just go around and have sex with everyone. And there'd be just sort of all this copulation and no family system. I thought, wait a minute, that's where we are now. That's now, right? Yeah, there's no family. I think guys just go around and spread their seat around.

57:22 Adam We're getting there.

57:23 Drew Yeah, we're there.

57:24 Adam Hey, Alexis? He's 23.

57:28 Drew There's a reason your parents don't want you dating these guys. Alexis, please, they're trying to offer you something healthy. They care about you and what you do with your life.

57:40 Adam Well, or at least something that's not unhealthy.

57:43 Caller Well, I've been with him for about a year and we've had a good relationship. I mean, we haven't had sex or nothing, so it's fine about that.

57:49 Adam You haven't had sex?

57:51 Drew He's been happy with other girls.

57:53 Adam Why haven't he had sex?

57:57 Caller He's gonna do it when I'm ready to do it with him. He's not gonna pressure me.

58:01 Adam He's doing it with his kid.

58:02 Drew Oh, yeah.

58:04 Adam Oh, yeah. And so his kid lives with him full-time?

58:08 Caller Yeah, because the mom, like after maybe four or five months, the mom couldn't take care of it no more. I said she didn't want to, so she gave the kid to him. And so he's been taking care of the kid since he was like 18.

58:21 Adam So, and he has a job?

58:22 Caller Yeah, he just got a new job and he's making good money. He has full benefits for him and the baby. And if I'm with him, then I get benefits too, like, mental and everything.

58:33 Adam Hold on. If you move in with him, you get benefits? You don't have to get married or anything and just go shack up at his house?

58:42 Caller As long as I'm living with him and I'm his girlfriend, then I can get benefits too from where he works.

58:47 Drew That's bizarre. Right?

58:50 Adam What kind of place does he work?

58:52 Caller He works for a singular now.

58:55 Drew Are you sure that this is the case? He's not just sort of manipulating you to try to get you to move in with him?

58:59 Caller No, no.

59:00 Adam You give me a BJ and you get free dental, you get free teeth cleaning.

59:06 Drew And cover for yourself on.

59:07 Adam Two trips to chiropractor.

59:10 Drew What's the question for us?

59:12 Caller What would be the best way to tell my parents that he has a daughter?

59:17 Adam Oh, I don't know. When are you moving out of your house?

59:21 Caller Not yet. I'm still, I'm in Washington and he's in California right now because I'm finishing up school. And so I'm probably won't be there till like maybe.

59:29 Adam What kind of school are you finishing up? Yeah. What school are you finishing up?

59:34 Caller High school.

59:36 Adam Why bother? What are you doing? I've heard your grammar. You don't need high school.

59:39 Drew How'd you meet this guy?

59:44 Adam Hold on. Drew and I have to talk.

59:46 Drew This is a disaster.

59:47 Adam I don't trust this guy. And yeah, of course you guys haven't been having sex. You live in different states. Yeah. You're 3,000 miles away.

59:55 Drew Oh my God. Oh my God.

59:57 Adam He's got a kid. All right.

59:59 Drew Oh my God. We need to strafe.

1:00:01 Adam And Alexis, what's your plan after high school?

1:00:08 Caller I want to get married and have kids and... All right.

1:00:11 Drew Well, not with this guy. Not with this guy.

1:00:13 Adam Why not with this guy?

1:00:15 Drew Why not with this guy?

1:00:16 Adam I don't know. Maybe he's a decent guy. Where did you guys meet? I don't understand. He's in California. You're in DC or you're in Washington State?

1:00:27 Drew How did you meet? I'd say it. Don't say that. How did you meet?

1:00:33 Caller No, my friend Mandy introduced us and he came up here and he's seen me and he's stayed up here before and everything.

1:00:40 Drew He came up specifically to meet you? That's why he came to Washington?

1:00:44 Caller Yeah.

1:00:46 Drew Your girlfriend set you two up? That's why he came up to Washington?

1:00:51 Caller Yeah, and we've been together for a year.

1:00:53 Drew How many times have you seen it? How often do you see each other?

1:00:56 Caller Um, usually like every other weekend or sometimes every three weekends or whatever.

1:01:01 Adam Every other weekend? He comes up there every other weekend?

1:01:05 Drew Every third weekend.

1:01:06 Adam Or sometimes every third?

1:01:07 Drew It's really every third or every fourth weekend.

1:01:09 Adam When was the last time he was there? And when's he coming back?

1:01:15 Caller Um, probably for New Year's.

1:01:18 Drew New Year's?

1:01:19 Adam Yeah. Hold on a second.

1:01:20 Drew Crystal, please. Oh my God.

1:01:22 Adam He comes up every other weekend. He was here two weeks ago.

1:01:26 Drew He's coming up in two months. He's coming back in two months.

1:01:30 Adam Yeah, and the two weeks ago was not in two weeks from last weekend.

1:01:35 Drew Oh, Crystal, please. What are you doing? What are you doing?

1:01:39 Adam I don't know. And I'm not sure how her friend works. Who's her friend? Heidi Fleiss? She goes, like, I got a guy. He's out in California. He's 20-something years old. He's got a six-year-old. Yeah, no, I'm in the 11th grade. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're gonna fly him in. What's going on?

1:01:55 Drew Here's what you must do. It's not Crystal. Her name is what? Alexis?

1:01:59 Adam Alexis.

1:01:59 Drew No, no, no.

1:02:00 Adam Yeah, it's Alexis.

1:02:01 Drew Yeah. You must tell your parents what you're doing. You must tell your parents all about this guy. They'll be glorious. Tell them all about it.

1:02:09 Caller Well, they already know about him and they know about his job.

1:02:12 Drew Well, tell them all about the child. Tell them all about everything. Tell them everything you're feeling and thinking about this guy and who he is. Your parents will then do their job, I hope.

1:02:20 Adam OK, and he lives in, you say, California? OK, and...

1:02:25 Drew For kicks, which is what part of California? Merced.

1:02:30 Adam Merced.

1:02:31 Caller Oh, hold on. Hold on.

1:02:32 Adam OK. 61 degrees. Checking in. Merced just checked in. It could have been him because he's the only guy who lives in Merced. Checking in. 61. All right, Alexis, something's wrong here and it's even worse in your grammar. So that's bad. I don't know what's happening and I want you to just drop out of high school, by the way. But don't bother. Stop wasting your time and everyone else's time.

1:02:53 Drew Tell your parents exactly what the plan is here and what this guy's all about.

1:02:57 Adam Everybody get out of here. Would you drop out? What are you doing? There's nothing going on in high school.

1:03:03 Drew Anything that can deflect her from having kids. Her next move is children.

1:03:07 Adam What's happening?

1:03:08 Drew She's way too young for that.

1:03:09 Adam What's your plan? You just want to get married? You want to get married at 18 and just start spitting out kids?

1:03:14 Caller No, I don't want to have kids yet. I want to go to college to do massage therapy.

1:03:20 Adam Okay, that's it. That's what you need to do. That's a perfect plan. Okay, drop out of high school. Not college. Yeah, get your GED and go be a massage therapist.

1:03:33 Drew Then you're led to visit this guy in California.

1:03:35 Adam That's right. When you have your massage therapy degree.

1:03:38 Drew Do not get dependent on somebody now. It'll be, it's it. The door will close behind you.

1:03:44 Adam I got to get a massage.

1:03:45 Drew Oh my God. Yeah. Me too.

1:03:47 Adam Yeah.

1:03:48 Drew No one gives us massages anymore. They used to give us those certificates.

1:03:51 Adam Remember? Yeah. Yeah. With the ones your wife thinks are hers.

1:03:55 Drew The ones that inevitably are hers.

1:03:57 Adam Yeah.

1:03:57 Drew That's why I haven't had a massage in three years.

1:03:59 Adam Let me explain something. You bring home anything in the form of a basket or a certificate or something, wife just hops right on it. Oh, give me that. And then, and then.

1:04:07 Drew It's not just my wife.

1:04:07 Adam Then if you go, oh, well, please, you didn't, you know, they somehow you, you, you, you you, you, you had to drop a little blood in order to get it when the witch would case, it would be fine.

1:04:18 Drew He's right. They know you're going to be working.

1:04:19 Adam You won't have time for it. I like a massage. I want to get a massage. I always get a must. You know what? You know who I always get? I always get some guy with some funky eye or something. Some blind. I got a blind guy once fully blind, fully blind. Whoa. Yeah.

1:04:34 Drew That's interesting.

1:04:35 Adam I know.

1:04:36 Drew Was it good? Yeah.

1:04:38 Adam You know, they do their thing, you know, flip over anything. Now, he didn't, he was, he was good. And then I got a guy with a wacky eye. You know, there's always a, when that guy was blind in one eye and he didn't wear a patch or anything, was all milky looking and weird. It was like, it's like that movie, Omega Man.

1:04:55 Drew Nice.

1:04:56 Adam Crazy eyes. But every time I swear I'm coming back.

1:05:00 Drew Called it a fake. Yeah.

1:05:01 Adam They had a fake. I mean, where it's all milky. Oh, man. Looks like a porn movie. Somebody finished off. Disgusting. But I always plan on going back and then I never do. But of course, like I said, we've talked about many times the whole tipping thing is part that drives me insane. Yes. All right. You ready to rock?

1:05:21 Drew What's going on? Crystal.

1:05:22 Adam Alexis, something's got to happen with her.

1:05:25 Drew Very frustrating.

1:05:26 Adam Okay, but go to massage school.

1:05:29 Drew Perfect.

1:05:30 Adam Perfect. I don't trust this guy. Shocking that he has a six-year-old. Crystal? They do. It's always the same thing. They're always the same. It's like he has a kid, but you know, because his girlfriend who he just had a one-night stand with.

1:05:59 Drew Tricked him.

1:05:59 Adam Like, tricked him, and then she put a hole in the condom. And then she like, now he has the kid because she didn't want to take care of the kid no more. And then he was in jail for a while, but that's only because the girlfriend like called the cops on him when he wasn't doing anything because she was mad at him for taking the kids. And then so, you know, when he was in jail, he stabbed a guy in the neck with a trial and then he made him shop, but it wasn't his fault because the other dude, it wasn't his trial and a guy like gave it to him. And so he got into trouble and then when they put him in the hole, that guy started picking on him. So he had to like defend himself. So he got another 20 years and then he then he raped me and then he raped my grandparents. Then like it was my grandma, grandma kind of did it to him. And it's like, okay, stop it already. Bad.

1:06:48 Drew Bad.

1:06:49 Adam Yeah. And by the way, their version and we hear this night after night, like he was just, you know, just minding his own business. And then the guy came up and started punching him. So he defended himself and he got eight years.

1:07:04 Drew Yeah.

1:07:04 Adam It's like, yeah, really?

1:07:06 Drew No, it's always, he was with some guys and the one thing led to another and he didn't know.

1:07:11 Adam Yeah, I know. He thought they were going down to the gay thrift store to drop off some clothing. And it turns out these guys turned over 7-Eleven.

1:07:20 Drew And he didn't know. He didn't know. He was standing there watching. Couldn't believe it.

1:07:24 Adam Yeah. Couldn't believe it, but magically got thrown in.

1:07:28 Drew Third time this happened to him, too.

1:07:30 Adam Right.

1:07:30 Drew It's amazing.

1:07:31 Adam Crystal?

1:07:32 Caller Yeah?

1:07:33 Adam You're 19?

1:07:34 Caller Yeah.

1:07:35 Adam What's up?

1:07:40 Caller And he doesn't know that for like about a year I've been sleeping with my two guy roommates. He doesn't. Yeah, both of them.

1:07:50 Drew Both of them? How does that work?

1:07:52 Caller Well, you know, off and on, once in a while, we, you know, do it, but like we stopped doing it after a lot of, a week after I turned to see this guy, and I was wondering...

1:08:04 Drew Hold on, hold on. Say that again, you stopped doing it a week after you started seeing this guy? So, you're not doing it now?

1:08:11 Adam Started off by saying you've been seeing a guy and sleeping with your roommates.

1:08:16 Caller Oh, no.

1:08:19 Drew Yeah, how dare you, how dare you.

1:08:21 Adam Okay, so you were having sex with other people and then you met a guy and so you stopped? Yeah, yeah, tell him. And well, do you have any videotape you could show him? It's always, a picture tells it is worth a thousand words.

1:08:38 Drew So much easier though.

1:08:38 Adam So much easier.

1:08:39 Drew I just say, honey, sit down, just watch. You go make some coffee.

1:08:40 Adam Yeah, no, I find, do that and you use that and you give him some literature that he can sort of try to fall along with and use one of those laser pointers. It's a great idea to tell him you're having sex with both your roommates.

1:08:54 Drew And keep them a sharp object. You know, keep it handy.

1:08:57 Adam Yeah. Wait for Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving's coming up. You going to spend Thanksgiving together?

1:09:03 Drew When the carving knife comes out.

1:09:05 Adam Announce it. If you're going to his folks house, make sure you do it at the table.

1:09:11 Drew Better her folks house, really.

1:09:13 Adam You should do it in your place. Why? And this makes me nervous that you're trying to sabotage.

1:09:20 Drew I'll look at all the chaos here. She has two guys going simultaneously. God knows what kind of craziness goes on amongst them. Then the boyfriend comes in and she's got to stir it up. Got to tell him.

1:09:32 Adam All right. What's going on? And your name is Crystal. So that's trouble. What's going on? You're lucky there's a Tammy calling in because that's the only one that works.

1:09:42 Drew If we get a Tammy, it's all over.

1:09:46 Adam So why the chaos? Why are you stirring it up? What's going on with you?

1:09:50 Caller Well, I don't know if I should like tell her or not.

1:09:53 Drew No, no. Listen to Adam. Hey, Crystal, come on. Listen to Adam.

1:09:58 Adam Why do you want to stir it up?

1:10:00 Caller I don't want to stir it up. I want to make it good.

1:10:08 Adam Why would you tell him then?

1:10:11 Caller Well, you know, we should be honest to each other and so I shouldn't know.

1:10:16 Adam Yeah, wrong answer. Where's your dad?

1:10:24 Drew Where's your dad? And what's your relationship like with him?

1:10:30 Caller Oh, okay. Actually, my real dad is dead right now.

1:10:34 Drew What happened with him?

1:10:36 Caller He drank too much and he died from kidney failure.

1:10:39 Drew Yeah, and by the way, I think Crystal has taken right now to a new level.

1:10:45 Adam We've never heard dead right now. Right now, you actually, Crystal, you would make a great cop because, you know, when you pull the cops pull your... Okay, right now, what I'm going to have to ask you to do at this time is go ahead for me and take the license registration out of your wallet right now, okay, please, for me, and go ahead and hand that through the window at me for me, playing the one I'm going to do right now is actually just go ahead and take it.

1:11:12 Drew I just want to see how far she can take the use of right now. Hang on a second. Crystal, what are you doing for a living right now? How do you support yourself? I work at Disneyland.

1:11:19 Adam Oh, the happiest place on earth.

1:11:22 Drew Just a minute, please. I got to keep going. What kind of job? What do you do at Disneyland?

1:11:27 Caller I don't want to say too much because people wouldn't know who I'm calling.

1:11:31 Drew Cinderella, Snow White, Snow White, which? Working on Hottest?

1:11:38 Adam She's in foods, all right, leave her alone, so your father died and your father was an alcoholic.

1:11:44 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:11:45 Adam And he got out of your life when? Three.

1:11:51 Drew Do you remember him at all?

1:11:53 Caller Yeah, a little bit. I had like two other step dads and they also died.

1:11:57 Drew Oh, your mom, you should be so pissed at her.

1:12:01 Adam Black widow.

1:12:02 Drew Not black widow, she chooses the alcoholic.

1:12:04 Adam I say alcohol, I say arsenic.

1:12:06 Drew And were these guys abusive towards you?

1:12:09 Adam Okay.

1:12:09 Drew Oh, man.

1:12:10 Adam Well, that's why. That's what's going on. There's the chaos.

1:12:13 Drew Do you understand you have the world's worst instincts? Your instinct of being honest with him is a way of either creating horrible chaos in your relationships and or driving him away. That's your plan. If somebody becomes intimate and available to you, you got to screw that up because that's what you're used to when you're loving relationships is abuse. That's what you have to have to feel close to somebody and also being genuinely close to somebody is a pretty scary place to visit and so you got to kind of push that away.

1:12:40 Adam All right, Crystal, we got to take a break. You got to get some therapy, sweetie. You're going to screw things up royally.

1:12:48 Drew It's not a laughing matter.

1:12:49 Adam No, it really isn't.

1:12:50 Drew This is not funny.

1:12:50 Adam Please understand us. We know of what we speak here. You're going to screw up a lot of relationships. There's going to be a lot of chaos going on and then your kids will eventually hate you. You got to do something. You grew up with too much chaos, you're an alcoholic dad, abusive stepfather. You're going to have trouble in relationships. Please get yourself some help.

1:13:11 Drew Are you doing drugs and alcohol yourself? Are you prone to drugs and alcohol yourself?

1:13:18 Caller No, I try to stay away from that stuff because I know how that messed up my dad.

1:13:21 Drew All right, then maybe a co-dependency meeting, Sal and I.

1:13:24 Adam We'll go to Disneyland and see if they got some insurance, get a little therapy.

1:13:27 Drew EAP.

1:13:28 Adam Let's see.

1:13:28 Caller EAP.

1:13:28 Drew Employee Assistance Program.

1:13:29 Adam Oh, do you want to have it at Disneyland?

1:13:30 Drew I must. All right.

1:13:31 Adam Well, listen, $85 for admission. They better have something. Yeah?

1:13:36 Drew All right.

1:13:37 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:13:46 Caller We'll be right back.

1:13:54 Adam Tell you what, 61 Agoura Hills, Anaheim, 61 Arcadia, 61 Anaheim, Corolla, Dr. Drew are there. 39 after 8 o'clock, 21 away from the top of the hour. Coming to Straight Up News traffic. Speaking of traffic, slow and go on the 405, traffic in the lanes. Look out for brake lights at 101 and four level exchange. Be prepared to slow down. Look out on the 110, a rascal. One of those personal transportation by their motor power, and I believe you see the old people. They see them out in the supermarket. Collided with a logging truck. So to clean that up, you may want to get off as a pole that I go around that mess. Something to get that pretty mess of air vacuuming in. 61, check in in the Lioncast, Lawndale, 61, LaMita, 61, Linwood, 61, Monrovia, 61, Montebello. Checking in Drew.

1:14:42 Drew 61 degrees.

1:14:43 Adam 61 degrees, Spiga, Rivera, 61 degrees, San Gabriel, 61, Santa Fe, Spring, 61, Sierra Madre, 61 degrees, Southgate, 61, New Orleans.

1:14:52 Drew Cigalera, 405, Motorcyclist down.

1:14:54 Adam Motorcyclist down, thanks for calling that in. They just called that in, traffic, weather, weather and traffic. Trouble in the Middle East, everybody. More on that top of the hour. Trouble over there. Trouble in the Middle East. Watch out, trouble in the Middle East. Trouble in the Middle East. Look out, there's unrest. Unrest.

1:15:16 Yeah.

1:15:17 Adam Tammy.

1:15:18 Yes.

1:15:19 Adam You're 21?

1:15:20 Caller I am 21.

1:15:22 Adam What's happening?

1:15:23 Caller Okay, I actually had a quickie with my boyfriend today at his work. And so we didn't have a condom on us.

1:15:30 Adam Hmm.

1:15:31 Caller Yeah, so.

1:15:32 Adam How does that work? What kind of, he doesn't work in the food industry, does he?

1:15:36 Caller No, he doesn't work in the food industry. He actually works at a lab.

1:15:39 Drew A lab, that's good.

1:15:41 Caller Like a laboratory.

1:15:43 Adam Worse in its own way.

1:15:45 Caller No.

1:15:45 Adam What does he do, what does he do in the laboratory?

1:15:51 Drew You mean he's a clinical, he's a laboratory technician at a clinical lab?

1:15:56 Caller Yes, clinical lab.

1:15:58 Drew Oh, that's good. You're having sex at the clinical lab. Oh, that's good.

1:16:01 Adam Oh, this guy's blood's got some semen in him. Oh, we gotta, we gotta open him up. Oh, could have come from my hand. Too late. Get the rib spreader.

1:16:09 Drew Wow.

1:16:11 Adam Technician, I like that. What do you think they did in the bathroom?

1:16:16 Drew That's what I'm kind of, I use no company.

1:16:18 Adam Oh, shut up. They did it in the bathroom, right? You think they did it in the bathroom? Tammy.

1:16:23 Caller Yes.

1:16:24 Adam Where'd you guys do it?

1:16:25 Caller We did it in my car.

1:16:28 Adam What do you drive?

1:16:28 Caller Yeah, it wasn't in the bathroom though, because that's just a little gross.

1:16:32 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:16:32 Adam What kind of car do you drive?

1:16:35 Caller I drive a Cavalier. It's a Cudor, so we kind of had to make some room.

1:16:41 Adam Do you have a limousine tint on that?

1:16:45 Caller I do.

1:16:46 Caller So nobody saw.

1:16:47 Caller Good thing.

1:16:50 Adam How do I know that? Well, she's calling from Arizona. If you live in Arizona, you got to have a tint on your car windows, otherwise...

1:16:56 Drew Look at the front window.

1:16:56 Adam You can still see through the front window. By the way, is tinting your windows... It's illegal to do, by the way...

1:17:03 Drew California...

1:17:03 Adam .here in California.

1:17:04 Drew Is it okay in Arizona?

1:17:06 Caller Well, it is illegal if you have, I guess, a certain amount of dark tint, but other than that, it's okay.

1:17:13 Adam So...

1:17:13 Caller But I have the illegal tint, so...

1:17:16 Adam How's everybody? It's one of those... By the way...

1:17:19 Drew Civil disobedience.

1:17:21 Adam It's one of those things where everyone says to me, Oh, you're driving through the left-hand turn arrow. Why are you driving through the red arrow? Well, there's no cars coming. That's why I'm driving through. Well, what are you doing? Well, hey, you got a tint on your car that's illegal. It's a law. You can't have the tint. Really? Aren't certain... You know what? At a certain point, it's just go after you. The UV rays are destroying the back seat of my car. It's 170 degrees when I climb in in August. I'm getting a tint. What are you gonna do? So, shoot me. There's tons and tons of laws that you just break. I'm saying, let's just extend that to the arrows, everybody. I'll give that arrow speech in a minute, Drew. Remind me. I'm fired up about that. Tammy?

1:18:02 Caller Yes.

1:18:03 Adam All right. So, you guys got it on in the car, and that was during his lunch break?

1:18:10 Caller Yes.

1:18:10 Adam All right. And I want you, you should know that he told every other guy in the lab what he just got done doing.

1:18:18 Caller Probably, but I hope not.

1:18:20 Drew You can count on it.

1:18:22 Adam So now what? You want to know about the morning after pill?

1:18:24 Drew Well, those that are good at tell now know about it anyway.

1:18:27 Caller What was that?

1:18:28 Adam You want to know about the morning after pill?

1:18:30 Caller Yeah, because obviously, he did his business and we didn't pull out or anything. We didn't have a condom. So I just didn't know how to get the morning after pill.

1:18:40 Adam Then he went to the sink and washed his dork in the lab because you got, you know, that's one of those guy things. You got to get the dork in the sink, splashing the water up there.

1:18:49 Drew You got all those eye lavages.

1:18:53 Adam Spray it down with the saline water for flushing out your eyes in case you get some acid in there in the lab. Yeah. Yeah.

1:19:03 Drew All right.

1:19:03 Adam So what about it, Drew?

1:19:04 Drew All right, Tammy, any pharmacy? I don't know what the law is in Arizona, whether they have it without a prescription there, but most pharmacies do carry, you certainly can get it anywhere with a prescription. There's a phone number you can call, 1-888-NOT-TOO-LATE. Not number two, late. Okay. 1-888-NOT-TOO-LATE. And you did this when? All right. You really want to try to get this in within 24 hours. So track it down. And if you have a doctor you can call, please do. And if you need a prescription, I don't know if you need a prescription or not though. All right.

1:19:32 Adam So we got someone calling up once, say, my recipe for my cranberry sauce, which is exciting because Thanksgiving coming up and you know, my feelings about that. Also, he's calling from North Hollywood, so he's my homeboy.

1:19:44 Drew How can I pass that call up?

1:19:45 Adam Yeah. Let's, it's been many, many a week since I've got discussed my left turn policy. And the reason I talk to you kids on the air about is because we can change the law. We can, we can all, there's safety in numbers, everybody. If we all just start doing it, they won't be able to enforce it and it'll go away. Okay. Turn left when the left turn arrow turns red if there's no cars coming. Now people get confused about this thing. What do you mean, you run the red light? No, no, no. Not the light. If the light is green in the arrow that was green turns red, yet there's no cars coming, treat it as if there's no arrow at all and turn left.

1:20:30 Drew Here's the way you'd say it, and yield to oncoming traffic. If there's no oncoming traffic, turn as if there was no light coming.

1:20:38 Adam I'll give you another tip. You got to look out for pedestrians because they may be crossing too, but it's the same thing you would be doing again if you're at any other intersection. Stop light that didn't have the arrow, which 70% of them don't, but that number's dwindling as we speak. Because, you sit there riding away, waiting to be T-boned or carjacked and waiting for this thing to cycle. Now, here's the thing. How long have I been yapping about it, Drew? Two years? Not gotten a ticket yet.

1:21:08 Drew I just know the city of Pasadena has a yield to oncoming traffic and all the green lights. They're not red arrows. They're just green.

1:21:14 Adam They're a little bit smarter over there.

1:21:16 Drew A little. That's what you're talking about. That's what every light should have, right?

1:21:21 Adam Talk to a sheriff, by the way, the other day who mentioned that Glendale and Burbank are the laughing stock of the law enforcement community because all the chicken ass tickets they hand out over there, by the way. But a little note there. Oh, I didn't mean to confuse you with the Burbank Rape Bank. The people who drive in that community know it. Turn left, everyone, please. I've been doing it for years. I beg you to join me in this noble cause. Drew, I hope you're doing it. I constantly do it. I got to be honest. The first couple feel weird. After that, liberating. And you're not going to get a ticket. I've figured it out. Cops don't know. Unless they're directly behind you, they don't know. If they're coming the other direction, it's just like you're turning at any signal. If they're to the side, wherever they are, here's what I think cops look for. I think cops, cops are like, they're like cats in a field. They're looking for movement. They're looking for something, something has to, yes, they're not, they're not looking, they're looking for contrast. They're not looking for the trees blowing in the wind. They're not looking, they're not looking for the clouds floating by. They're looking for the field miles. And you are like a cloud blowing by when you do that left turn. For the same reason you should be doing it in the first place, it doesn't catch anyone's eye unless you got a post behind you that's going to honk.

1:22:45 Drew Or if you do the maneuver Adam does, whip around eight cars lined up waiting for the red arrow.

1:22:52 Adam Well, they stack up and I will then do it from the next lane over, which isn't even the turn lane. But if no one's coming, well, why not?

1:22:59 Drew That one you might get a ticket for though. The police might notice the movement.

1:23:03 Adam Oh, that one they would notice, yes. But look, put your head, look left, look right and go ahead and make the turn. So please, everyone do that. Join me in my cause. I've been doing it for years now, done it into the hundreds of times to be realistic. I do it a couple of times a day. Never gotten ticketed. And I don't know how much time I've saved, but it would be in hours, maybe even days, just sitting there waiting to arrive.

1:23:27 Drew Well, hundreds of times. It's at least two minutes for each one.

1:23:29 Adam You have to wait from the cycle.

1:23:31 Drew So it's three or four hundred minutes.

1:23:32 Adam That's right. So everyone, please. Ann, producer Ann, just do it. Everyone is scared to do it. Just do it. There's no cops around. Just do it. Everyone, just do it.

1:23:41 Drew Do it past the end, because it's legal.

1:23:43 Adam Well, don't do it past the end, because it is illegal.

1:23:45 Drew All right. I'll hold traffic back.

1:23:46 Adam Luke?

1:23:47 Caller Yeah, that's me.

1:23:49 Adam You're twenty?

1:23:49 Caller Yeah, I'm twenty. I'm calling to get your cranberry sauce recipe.

1:23:55 Adam You're calling from North Hollywood?

1:23:56 Caller I'm calling from North Hollywood.

1:23:57 Adam Where are you? Where do you live?

1:23:59 Caller Actually, I'm by the 99-cent store on Lancashire.

1:24:02 Adam Oh, always bad. Always bad if you live near the 99-cent store.

1:24:06 Drew Now, what's the cross street there?

1:24:08 Caller It's on Vineland, well, it's on Whipple, actually, between Vineland and Lancashire. It's by Rio Vista Elementary.

1:24:15 Adam It's not too bad. They got a little BMW dealership over there. They got a...

1:24:19 Drew It's by the American Academy of Television.

1:24:21 Adam No, it's a couple miles away.

1:24:25 Drew Oh, a couple miles from there.

1:24:26 Adam Yeah.

1:24:28 Drew Away from the freeway?

1:24:29 Adam Yeah. I'll explain to you, Drew.

1:24:30 Drew All right.

1:24:31 Adam Hold on a second, Luke, because we got to take a break. By the way, the name of the school there is Rio Vista. Half the school is filled with illegals. How are we supposed to stop people from coming over the border when we have such inviting names? In their own language. Do you know what I'm saying? It's never going to work. Okay. Yeah, I have a friend who went to Rio Vista, by the way, buddy Chris. Rio Vista. It's, I don't know, Riverview. What is Rio Vista? All right. That's going to ask Chris. We're going to take a quick break, come back with a cranberry recipe after this. Woo, get it on. Gotta get it on. I'll tell you what, brother, gonna get it on, freak out. Get it on. Phone number, 1-800-LLV-W-W-W-W-W. Let's get back and speak to Luke. Luke calling from North Hollywood. Right there, about a 99-cent store. Fantabulous. So, Luke, you wanna know my recipe for cranberries? Because you're gonna make cranberry sauce this Thanksgiving, right?

1:25:56 Caller Well, the problem is, I made it last year, and it was actually a really big hit, but I didn't write down the recipe to do it.

1:26:02 Drew Oh, it's very complicated. Get your pen out.

1:26:05 Caller Okay, I'm already got it, got it right out.

1:26:07 Adam All right, there's really almost nothing to it. First off, the reason I say this every year and I make it a little bit of a quest is because people see fit to open a can of cranberries every year, which is a white trash move. First off, there's no place for the can opener in Thanksgiving. I don't care if it's stuffed in your green beans. It doesn't matter what it is. There's nothing in a can that you should be able to open. Now, I'll give you one, I'll tell you one thing that might be an exception. You might be able to open some yams or something like that if then you put them into a dish and put some brown sugar and all that junk and put them in it. Even then, you shouldn't do it. All right. No campers. All right, but here's the thing. Cranberry people open and it's finished as soon as the lid comes off. They just dump it into the thing. It's serrated. They cut it. They cut it. Gelatinized up. Okay. Plus, it's nice when it's a little warm. It really, it goes well. All right. So here's what it is. Just go get a couple sacks of cranberries. You just go to the like ocean spray or whatever. Go to the supermarket. Get them loose. Get them in a sack. Cranberries. I wonder if a lot of people listen to show even know what they look like about the size of a small acorn or maybe a peanut. Don't bite into them. They're horrible unless you put a ton of sugar in them.

1:27:25 Drew Oh, really interesting.

1:27:26 Adam Oh, if you are. Oh, Drew, have you ever tasted raw cranberry juice? It tasted like someone took lemon and summer's eve and just threw it in your eye. It's like, oh, no, cranberries are horribly tart. Not sweet at all. You couldn't eat a cranberry. You couldn't. It just be like drinking. It'd be like if you made lemonade with no sugar. It just tastes like pure lemons. So here's the thing. Get the cranberries. They say, Luke, are you listening? Thank you. They want you to put in a cup of sugar with the sack of cranberries. I say that's a little too much. I say go a little lighter and you can always add if you need to. I go like half a cup of sugar.

1:28:10 Drew So it's a cup per bag, for two bags.

1:28:12 Adam It's a cup per bag.

1:28:14 Drew But you're saying half cup per bag, so.

1:28:15 Adam I'm saying half cup per bag of cranberries.

1:28:18 Drew Is there a universal bag of bag of cranberries?

1:28:20 Adam I'll tell you why too, because it shouldn't be like you're just scooping jelly onto your thing. It should be a little bit tart, have a little bit of a relish flavor to it.

1:28:28 Drew But is there a universal bag size?

1:28:30 Adam Yes. Yeah. It's the size of a bison scrotum. That's what it was originally, I mean back in the day. And they just sort of kept the size. So you open the sack, so here's what you do. You do one cup of water. You do half to three quarters of a cup of sugar. Cook the sugar in there, you sort of reduce it a little bit, cook it down a little bit. Then you just open the sack of cranberries in there. Get it boiling, stir it, stir it around a little. Then just simmer it and put the lid on. Pow! When you take the lid off, about five minutes later, you got beautiful cranberry sauce. And it's nice because the cranberries are still whole, but they sort of fall apart. Delightful. It goes good with everything. If you want to put a little zest of lemon in there, that's your business. I'm not going to stop you.

1:29:14 Drew Lemon peel, orange peel, walnuts?

1:29:16 Adam Don't get too slick. Don't outsmart yourself with the walnuts and the mandarin lemons or mandarin oranges and all that crap. Just keep it simple. All right?

1:29:27 Caller All right, man.

1:29:28 Adam All right, Luke. God bless you, buddy.

1:29:30 Caller Can I ask one more thing?

1:29:32 Adam Yeah.

1:29:32 Caller Is there a chance I could tell my girlfriend, Jen, that I scored us tickets to the almost acoustic Christmas?

1:29:38 Drew Yeah, go ahead.

1:29:39 Caller All right, done. Thank you.

1:29:41 Adam All right.

1:29:43 Drew As though we can get those.

1:29:44 Adam Oh, no, we can't get them. We've ever given them out. It's great every year because every year everyone wants the tickets from us. By the way, almost acoustic Christmas, for those of you listening from around the country, it's one of the bigger concerts in the country every year out here at the Mother Station, K-Rock. And we get the tickets, everyone wants the tickets, but we have to pay for the tickets because it goes to charity.

1:30:09 Drew Even paying, we can only get like eight.

1:30:11 Adam Yeah, well sometimes you can get more and that can be another problem because now you've shelled out $500 for tickets, but you're an a-hole if you're selling them to your friends and their whole thing is like, well, you work for the station, you get them for free, right? Then you're like, well, I don't get them. But it's always nice people and you have more money than they did and you feel bad. But I've done, you know, between the acoustic Christmas and the summer concert, the weenie roast, and over the course of eight or nine years, I'm 35 grand in the hole. I figured it out because everybody I know wants it and like the acoustic, the weenie roast. Oh, yeah, there's 16 tickets and I'm just giving them out to everybody. And then they get angry because they don't get wristbands and laminates and stuff. You really you spend the entire concert running around. There's people looking for you.

1:31:00 Drew Yes.

1:31:00 Adam That's all they need. Laminates, they need wristbands. They're angry. How dare you? You only shelled out 180 bucks so the guy and his girlfriend could get in for free. And you didn't include wristbands or laminates. Backstage passes. This is an out. This is a slap. You might as well just come. Why don't you just wake me up, my sleep and just start beating me with a pillowcase filled with bars of soap? Because that's what it is. It's an outrage.

1:31:21 Drew It's beating.

1:31:23 Adam I'm doing the math. I'm thousands of dollars.

1:31:26 Drew Well, think about it. You can get 15 tickets at 50 bucks a seat. Yeah.

1:31:29 Adam Oh, no, no, no, times two venues every year. I know times eight or nine years.

1:31:34 Drew That's what I'm saying.

1:31:36 Adam Could have bought like a summer home with that money. All right. What are we going? What's going on?

1:31:41 Drew One minute for Laura.

1:31:42 Adam Laura. You're 18.

1:31:45 Caller Yeah.

1:31:46 Adam Your parents want you to go to junior college. Don't do it.

1:31:51 Caller I don't want to. I'm trying to explain to them that junior college isn't like a real college.

1:31:58 Adam No. It's like a fake college. It's a drunk tank for D students. That's what it is. It's not prison. It's a jail. It's a drunk tank for bad students. People just go there. They just go there to rot.

1:32:13 Drew It's an adventure.

1:32:15 Adam They just die. They just hang out there and do nothing.

1:32:18 Drew So Laura, what do you want from us?

1:32:19 Caller Well, I was just wanting to know if you guys had any advice on what I can say to them without getting into a fight.

1:32:25 Drew Well, what do you want to do?

1:32:26 Adam Well, obviously, you're a crappy student, right?

1:32:29 Caller No, I'm an A and B student.

1:32:31 Drew Well, why not go to a university then?

1:32:33 Caller Well, I'm going to go to a college for fashion in LA, but they think that I should go to a junior college first.

1:32:39 Adam Well, why not just go to a regular university?

1:32:43 Drew Study fashion at a university.

1:32:47 Caller Well, because I don't like going to high school, and so what I want to do is get into the fashion business and I can also go to one.

1:32:54 Adam What did you do on your SATs?

1:33:00 Caller No, yeah, we took them, but I haven't gotten the results back for them this year. We don't get them until like after we already graduate.

1:33:05 Drew No, your SATs, Laura.

1:33:10 Caller Oh, well, no, I'm not going to take those.

1:33:15 Drew Great student though.

1:33:20 Adam Hold on. All right, we got to take a break. Someone's not, okay, she's making, I'm trying to make the point where she, okay. Take a quick break, be right back after this. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew Anderson.

1:34:27 Caller What the hell happened there?

1:34:29 Adam I'm what? I'm sitting here. I'm ready to go.

1:34:31 Caller We decided to listen to Coldplay for a full minute.

1:34:34 Drew It's good times.

1:34:35 Adam Well, wait a minute. It's 12 o'clock and we broke for commercial at like, you know, 54 and change as usual.

1:34:45 Drew It's good time.

1:34:45 Adam All right. It's 12, it says 12, 20 seconds right now.

1:34:50 Drew Anderson sounds sober and alert tonight.

1:34:51 Adam Just all right, buddy. But you're getting the DTs.

1:34:55 Drew No, he's good.

1:34:56 Caller Dude, I'm drunk right now. It's all I know. I'm saying, listen, you got to, it's a very unsettling thing to be at this end and be going, all right, three, two, one, go. And I can just hear you talking to Ann. I'm going, go. And it's like, I'm about to hop on and go, hey, everybody checking in with Loveline here and checking in.

1:35:10 Drew 61 degrees.

1:35:11 Adam Well, Drew, usually Johnny on the spot wasn't in position, but that's all right. I was there the one time he wasn't. So we're going to take a break.

1:35:18 Drew That's it.

1:35:19 Adam Thanks, Anderson, sorry for that. Until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo. What's wrong with Boob Bigs?

1:35:27 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:35:32 Caller The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station.

1:35:39 Caller The producer for Loveline is Aningold.

1:35:42 Caller Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, November 15, 2004