Episode 1000652063711

6:45 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised.

7:08 Adam Oh, yeah, get it on. Get it on. Get it on, freak out.

7:13 Get it on.

7:17 Adam It's a loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew.

7:20 Drew Yeah. That either means you're in a great mood or you're in a horrible mood and you're compensating.

7:24 Adam I'm overcompensating. Yeah. Get it on.

7:27 Drew It means you're tired and irritable.

7:29 Adam Feeling good. Feeling good. You know why? Because just a minute ago. Junior, junior producer, Lauren, brought me a nice slab of pumpkin pie.

7:55 Drew Oh, you are in a good mood then.

7:56 Adam Yeah. I love that pumpkin pie.

7:58 Drew Lauren, keep that coming every night. You see what that does?

8:03 Adam Delectable pumpkin pie. And, you know, let me say this about the pumpkin pie. First off, we're getting close to pumpkin pie season, and it's the best time of the year.

8:14 Drew Yeah, I agree with you.

8:16 Adam You know what I mean?

8:16 Drew Yeah, it's football season, World Series, weather's changing.

8:20 Adam Little chill in the air, seeing steam coming out of the football players' mouths when they're down in the three-point stance. Packing on the weight, wearing sweatpants everywhere. You know that thing? You know it's a nice thing.

8:32 Drew I've not noticed for you, Ian, wearing sweatpants, I've not noticed that that is a season.

8:37 Adam Well, when you put the long johns on and you keep them on for a couple days, that's nice.

8:43 Drew Yeah, you just had the little flap in the back to go poo with.

8:45 Adam No, you drop them to make number two.

8:47 Drew Oh, oh, oh.

8:49 Adam But I'm just saying, you keep, tell me, come on, you've done that. You've kept a pair of long johns on for a couple days, like over a weekend.

8:56 Drew Oh, of course. Yeah, slide, slide the pants over.

9:01 Adam Oh, come on, Drew, what are you up tight? What's going on? Where are you tonight?

9:05 Drew I'm in Manhattan. I'm with Matt here at Westwood One in New York City.

9:10 Adam And beautiful, beautiful country, by the way. And Drew's doing something tonight. He's doing a Westwood One party or something tomorrow night. And it's one of these things where I was supposed to go, but I missed so many days of work daytime job last week doing the CBS show that I didn't think I could take off another half week this week. But you know, Drew, I was trying to think of like a rating system because you know this business, it's nothing but we need you to go, but that means you can go or we don't really need, you never know what it means.

9:47 Drew Yes.

9:48 Adam Like here's what I say to everybody. Sorry.

9:52 Drew Nice.

9:52 Adam I'm not trying to.

9:53 Drew Hot that out.

9:54 Adam I don't want. No, it's fine. Ooh, tastes like pumpkin. Here's what I want to say to everybody. I'm not trying to piss you off. No disrespect by not going to whatever it is. And if it's super important, tell me and I will. But if it's not.

10:09 Drew I thought you were going to be there. And I think the importance of this thing has waxed and waned on a daily basis. You know what I mean?

10:15 Adam That's my point. And in this business, it's like, you can't tell the difference between. You really can't tell the difference between not showing up at your best friend's wedding when you're the best man or not going with your girlfriend when you were 19 to one of her sort of friend's cousin's weddings. You know what I mean? Like you can't feel the difference. They both are sold to you with the same importance.

10:41 Drew We need a scale. You're right. You're right. We need a scale.

10:44 Adam We need like where you go. Like here's what it is. If it's, if this is above a six, then I'm going to go into Kimmel and tell him, look, I'm going to have to take another half week off because this is, this is a seven and a half. So I got to go. But I don't know if it's a three or a nine and nobody seems to be able to assign a number to it.

11:02 Drew Yep.

11:03 Adam What is that, Drew?

11:04 Drew I don't know. I don't know. I wish, I wish it was clearer, but I just always assume if they say go, it's important. Let's go.

11:09 Adam So it right. But then you show up and somebody says, what are you doing here?

11:14 Drew I know.

11:14 Adam You know what I'm saying?

11:16 Drew Yeah.

11:16 Adam I'm just saying, let's give it a number system.

11:18 Drew We're having a nice time though anyway.

11:20 Adam All right, Drew, what'd you do? What times you land?

11:23 Drew I did something very, very unusual. Right?

11:26 Adam The stewardess?

11:27 Drew Well, after I did that, I landed. Then I got about four o'clock and my wife came in a different plane and we met-

11:34 Adam Oh, smart, smart, because that's a long flight. That is a long flight.

11:38 Drew Smart. You and I weren't flying in the same plane either.

11:40 Adam Smart. Yeah, that's six hours of hell.

11:44 Drew She goes, I figured something out for nights. I ran over to Broadway and I waited in the cancellation line for the Broadway musical Wicked. It sold out for like months and I got prime seats, I just got two great seats.

11:58 Adam What is Wicked?

11:59 Drew It's about basically the story of the witches before the Wizard of Oz story that we all know. It's a fantasy story about who the Tin Man is and who the Wizard is and where the witches came from. Basically what their lives are. Oh, it was rave reviews and it sold out forever and we got these great seats and so had a great time. And then the guy who's the male lead, we went to watch the Red Sox Yankees game at a bar afterwards. The guy who's the male lead showed up over there and he's the guy who's been on Love Line a bunch of times, Joey McIntyre.

12:28 Adam Yeah. From New Kids or...

12:31 Drew Yes.

12:31 Adam Yes. Wait a minute. Not New Kids. No. Boys. No. New Kids on the Block. Yes. New Kids on the Block. Yeah. Nice guy.

12:39 Drew Really nice guy.

12:40 Adam There you go.

12:40 Drew Huge Red Sox fans. That was a great day.

12:43 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

12:45 Drew All right.

12:45 Adam Drew, big night for you, buddy.

12:47 Drew Crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Wild, huh?

12:53 Adam I didn't have the same night.

12:54 Drew I got to say. What did you say?

12:56 Adam I beat off and took a nap.

12:58 Drew That's the same night for you, though. That's the usual for you.

13:02 Adam You ready to go to the phones?

13:04 Drew Just once.

13:06 Adam You going to beat off what? It's hard to say beat-offs. You know what I mean? I just say, you know what I'm saying?

13:12 Drew One session. Until sleep.

13:15 Adam That's right. You ready to hit the phones? Yeah, yeah.

13:18 Drew Ready.

13:20 Adam We'll talk to Michelle's 27. Michelle? What's up?

13:25 I have Crohn's disease and whenever me and my boyfriend have intercourse, I have like excruciating pain and I want to know is there anything that we can use in order to ease the pain?

13:36 Drew Well, look, do you have fistulas from your Crohn's disease? Do you have fistulas?

13:42 No.

13:43 Adam Now, that's the bowel problem, right Drew?

13:46 Drew Yeah, inflammatory bowel disease and particularly Crohn's is when from stem to stern, from the mouth to the anus, there can be inflammation of the bowel and the inflammation can be profound where the bowel becomes so actively inflamed that it will like stick to the surface of the abdomen and erode out to the open air. It's bad times and or into the vagina or into the bladder, all over the place. So that's the one thing you want to be sure of, you have no active inflammatory bowel disease. So do you?

14:11 Not that I know of.

14:12 Drew How is your Crohn's diagnosed? And they biopsied and they found Crohn's?

14:18 Right.

14:20 Adam How do you kill that Crohn's, Drew?

14:22 Drew There's lots of different treatments, it's a prednisone and anti-inflammatory and anti-immune suppressants, various things. What do you want?

14:29 I was on prednisone for eight years and now I'm on acicol.

14:33 Drew Acicol, which is sort of a mild drug for inflammatory bowel disease. But you have no active diarrhea, no other abdominal pain.

14:39 Caller Oh yes, I have severe diarrhea.

14:43 Drew You know, really you shouldn't be having severe diarrhea. Your Crohn's should be under better control, it seems to me. So you should be talking to your gastroenterologist about getting on something. Maybe one of the newer immune modulatory agents to try to suppress the disease. Because I mean, have you had a pelvic exam to see if there's anything going on in your pelvic system? Were you also sexually abused?

15:04 Caller No.

15:05 Drew You have no history to give you pelvic pain beyond the physical problems?

15:10 Caller No.

15:10 Drew Okay. So have you had your endometriosis treated?

15:14 Caller Yes.

15:15 Drew How is that treated? Or it's you on the birth control pill?

15:20 Caller I take it for the 21 days, but I don't take the ones after that.

15:24 Drew You don't take that, yeah. You don't take this. You just take it three weeks out of every month. Listen, maybe go back to your gynecologist, because the most likely thing to cause pain after intercourse would be the endometriosis. Good times. Yeah, good times.

15:36 Adam Lots of problems. I'd be scared. You know what I would do? I have my policy with her would be, I just receive oral from you until we get this whole mess cleared up.

15:47 Drew Yeah. You'd be good with that. You'd be good with that. Right?

15:50 Adam Yeah. And Drew is a man of exquisite passion that wouldn't work for you, but for me, I'm a giver and a receiver. Do you know what I'm saying?

15:58 Drew You're an expert receiver. Don't forget. You honor people with your reception.

16:02 Adam My receptivity is really my greatest strength.

16:06 Drew Yes. I've seen it. You know what I mean? I mean, I've seen the facsimile. I've seen the act.

16:10 Adam Sure. You've seen the pose.

16:11 Drew The pose, yes.

16:12 Adam You know the drill.

16:13 Drew Anyway, we don't talk a lot about the details of endometriosis on this show, but it's a complicated illness. It's where pieces of the uterus literally get outside of the uterus and stick on things like the bowel and the tubes, and then when there's periods, these things get inflamed and sort of menstruate inside the abdominal cavity. So the goal is to go in there and to take it out by laparoscopic techniques or put them on hormonal suppressions, but it sounds like she needs to be doing a better job of that.

16:39 Adam Women, so complicated down there.

16:41 Drew They really are. And yeah.

16:42 Adam Swiss timepiece, you know? And really, it's really, it's equivalent to like doing a Normandy style beach landing with a Swiss timepiece and expecting nothing to go wrong. Life is the beach, the vagina is the timepiece.

16:59 Drew Yeah, the vagina and the innards.

17:01 Adam Yeah. You know what, my innards are as complicated as one of those noise making bats. The fans whack together, the inflatable ones at the ballpark. That's about as many moving parts as I got inside of me. I got nothing. GI. Joe's got more going on internally. Uh-huh, it's true.

17:20 Drew Yeah, you're right.

17:21 Adam All right, let's speak to Delilah, who's 19. Delilah? What's up, sassy?

17:28 Drew Delilah?

17:29 Caller I've been listening to you guys since I was 10. It's very exciting to talk to you. Yeah.

17:37 Adam What kind of bad parents let a 10-year-old listen to this filthy show?

17:41 Caller Oh, I did it in secret. They weren't paying attention. So, my question is that I've been with my boyfriend for about two years, and I'm wondering if I'm just trying to sabotage a really good relationship or if it's time to get out.

17:59 Drew How old are you now?

18:00 Adam Two years. She's 19.

18:01 Drew Oh, yeah. Yeah. At 19, a two-year relationship is about maximum duration.

18:10 Adam At 19, a two-year relationship is half your dating career and then some. You know what I mean? It's almost half your life as a non-child.

18:23 Drew Right.

18:24 Adam Also, it says here she's dating a 28-year-old. Delilah? So, he was 26 and you were 17 when you met? And two years and the spark is gone. What's up? Here's the other thing you got to realize, too. The difference between you at 17 and you at 19 or the two years you've spent from 18 to 20 or whatever those two years are and his 26 to 28, yours are huge. Yours are dog years.

18:58 Drew Right. He's the same.

18:59 Adam He's the same dude. Maybe marginally worse.

19:02 Drew Right. Marginally worse because he hasn't gotten on with things.

19:04 Adam Right. 26 year old guy who's in a holding pattern is going to be exactly same. Little modification on the facial hair. I'm sure he's got the goatee now, but emotionally, no change, no growth, no nothing.

19:19 Drew And by the way, the career thing is telling too, if he's not really moving along and focusing on that.

19:24 Adam What's going on career wise for him?

19:27 Caller He's in a band.

19:31 Adam And when you met him, he was in a band, but it looked like things were going a little different direction.

19:35 Caller He wasn't in the band when I met him actually.

19:38 Adam But he was a musician?

19:39 Caller No, he was just working at a coffee shop with me.

19:42 Adam Right. But you found out he was a musician. I mean, he made it abundantly clear he was a musician. That's the other thing too, which is you think you're going to hook your team to his shooting star and two years of non-shooting in the star department. You're ready to move on. Right?

20:05 Caller No, it's not.

20:07 Drew How is it more complicated?

20:09 Caller Well, I mean, I don't really think that that was my only aspiration in becoming involved with him.

20:14 Drew No, no, of course not. But are you interested in other people? Are you getting bored? Are you not attracted to them? What's happening?

20:19 Caller I'm in school and I'm actually in an all-girls school, but I'm interested in other people right now.

20:25 Drew Where are you in school?

20:25 Caller Mills College.

20:28 Adam Yeah.

20:28 Drew Mills. Mills is a very tough school.

20:30 Adam Prestigious Dyke School.

20:32 Drew Yeah. So you've got, you've, listen. Prestigious what?

20:35 Adam Dyke School.

20:36 Drew Dyke School.

20:38 Adam Very prestigious, very dyke-y. Golf team has 128 NCAA championships by the way.

20:45 Drew Well, be that as it may.

20:46 Adam And they've only heard the tournament 127 times.

20:50 Drew But it's an excellent school and he's in a band and she's moving along.

20:54 Adam You're moving along. You're moving along. And it says here that you cheated. Uh-oh.

20:59 Drew Done. You know, July, here's the deal. The reason you feel, the reason you feel like you're sabotaging is you're sabotaging in order to get out of something that's not working, not sabotage something that is working. You're sabotaging because you're afraid to stand up and get out of this thing.

21:12 Adam Right. And, and you know, he got two years out of it. And it just makes me think that guys need to, you know, being in a band, whether it's successful or not, is good for a certain amount of puntaic. It just is. It will work. It's not going to work on the same chick for two years.

21:31 Drew It's not going to work on the Mills College graduates looking forward to a Ph.D.

21:36 Adam Even that, you could get a couple of humps out of the band, you know what I'm saying? And women, it's interesting because men not only don't care what your secondary aspirations are, they don't care what you're currently doing either. You know what I mean? Like guys are like, well, I'm working at a coffee shop now, but I'm really in a band that we're hoping to, ooh, that can help. You know what I mean? Like, okay, the guy's making Frappuccinos now, but by night, this guy's going to be a big star. Women will definitely, they'll do speculation, you know what I mean? They'll build a spec house on a guy. This guy may pay off in two or three years. Men, I don't think there's any, I don't think any of that works, does it?

22:25 Drew No.

22:27 Adam Thank you, Drew, thanks for your candor. So, this guy sold her on that, and now two years later, it's not paying off and it's time to move on. He'll be able to use that guitar for other things, you know, and he'll get other checks. He's too old.

22:40 Drew If you're not, yeah, if you're not the system of the down already, you know what I mean?

22:44 Adam Yeah, yeah, I'm hip. So, every time you say that, Drew, like you go, when a guy's like 27, you're like, what's going on with your career? Oh my goodness. I think back to myself at 27 and it's like, oh, 30 with that phone call.

22:58 Drew What that phone call would have been like? I'm Adam from North Hollywood.

23:02 Adam 27. May have been La Crescenta.

23:06 Drew Yeah. I want to know why this girl won't go out with me.

23:09 Adam A bunch of roommates and no car insurance.

23:11 Drew I wonder what's going on in a car with with what did you have like pliers there to open the windows?

23:17 Adam The window cranks were broken off. This is my Mazda truck. The Mazda truck had window cranks that were broken off. By the way, kiddies, we used to have to turn this crank in order to manually lift the windows and lower them as well, yes? You know, it was funny too, is it when he had a really crappy car, it was it was smooth sailing on the way down, but the way up could get pretty vigorous.

23:45 Drew And inevitably, once around and around, right?

23:49 Adam Inevitably, cheap American cars and Japanese cars, eventually after year number 11, something would break in the knob mechanism, usually the sort of spinning Brody knob that went on the handle. So now the handle had no knob on it, you had to shove it in your palm and sort of work it around or use two hands. And then eventually that would bust off and then came the vice grips. And by the way, the vice grip company has to be very upset that they used to take the place of television knobs and TV remotes and cranks and handles. Anytime a handle busted off, a pair of those locking pliers, those channel lock of vice grips would just snap right on in its place. It drew, turn in the TV. You'd have to turn the TV channel with that thing. They were used for everything but plumbing back in the 70s. Now, I imagine there's no market for them. But the point is, is I had to crank the windows up and down with the vice grips. The vinyl bench seat had been removed and in its place were bar stools. Or bar stools. Stools. Think about that. Not the legs of the bar stool. Just a bad, naga-hide, rust-colored. You know that funky sort of, it's got a medium high back. It doesn't go all the way up, but it's not that low. Just bad 70s bar stool. Plywood on the bottom. Probably just someone shot a few drywall screws into the bottom of it and stuck it down to the pan of the truck. And the truck needed to be bump-started each and every time.

25:28 Drew Oh, that's a piece, that's a little gem. Yeah.

25:30 Adam No, oh no.

25:32 Drew Did you live on a hill or anything?

25:34 Adam Talk about dignity. No. Just running next to your car. Just running and jumping in every goddamn morning. Just pushing that thing down Hesby Street, North Hollywood. Just chugging with that thing. Oh yeah. Yeah, awesome. It was the timing was screwed up on it or something. There's something was in whatever it was. I had one year of bumps starting that thing. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Good times.

26:00 Drew Yeah.

26:00 Adam Yeah. There you go.

26:02 Drew So like I said, my conversation would have you with you at that age would have been you've never said this before, but it would have been kill yourself. Like you're saying like, yeah, I have never I doubt I'll ever say it to any other caller, but to you.

26:15 Adam Yeah, I probably would have said you'd be like as a physician, I took an oath to do no harm, but I'm gonna need you to kill yourself.

26:21 Drew Well, I'll also have to remember that I'm here to sort of end suffering and this is a situation that just can't come on.

26:27 Adam No, I you know what I would if I would have called in, I think you would have spoken me off the air. You would you on the air would have been like, well, look, you keep your nose to the grindstone and everything's gonna work out. And then let me talk and let me talk to him. Then it's kill yourself, son. Do you want me to come by?

26:42 Drew Where are you?

26:42 You're in Leprosy Center.

26:44 Adam I'm in Pasadena. I could come by and give you a lethal injection.

26:47 Drew First it would be like, okay, come on, tell me what really is going on here. Tell me what the real deal is. Come on, come on. What do you think you're talking to here? Come on.

26:56 Adam All right. All right. Drew, I'm starting to feel bad.

26:59 Drew One more call. Call.

27:00 Adam All right. Let's talk to Justine. Justine?

27:03 Guest Yes, sir.

27:04 Adam You're 20?

27:05 Guest Yes, I am.

27:06 Adam You're into S&M and likes being dominated. You're a masochist. And do you have a partner?

27:19 Guest Yes, I do.

27:20 Drew And is it a boyfriend?

27:22 Guest Yes.

27:24 Drew And it's a stable relationship or is it kind of a chaotic relationship?

27:27 Guest No, it's very stable.

27:30 Drew And are you guys by yourselves? Do you go to clubs? What's the deal?

27:34 Guest No, no. It's definitely a single, just the two of us thing. We don't involve anybody else in it.

27:41 Drew Are you outrageous with this? You're just sort of playing around a little bit.

27:45 Guest It started playing around. He's actually, I mean, I've had other boyfriends, sexual partners, but he's actually the one that I developed this thing with, that I kind of found that I had a thing for it. And it started, you know, like a little stuff that everybody does. But I really found that I-

28:00 Drew Just to tell us what that is, just so we're clear about that. What is the little stuff that everybody does?

28:06 Guest Oh, you know, everyone tries like getting handcuffed or, you know, ass smacking, candle wax, you know.

28:12 Adam All right. Yeah, Drew, I remember when we went through that phase.

28:15 Drew You went on the candle wax? Yeah, but it was a mess with you, for God sakes.

28:21 Adam Drew tried dripping it on my ass and I blew a fart and it went all over. The first it burned Drew's forehead horribly. And then I remember we lost the cleaning deposit at the Ramada. It was a disaster.

28:33 Drew You're still picking it out of your hair, aren't you?

28:35 Adam Yeah.

28:35 Drew And I don't mean what's on your head.

28:36 Adam Yeah. All right, so Justine.

28:39 Drew Almost sealed you shut.

28:40 Adam Not everyone does the handcuffs and the dripping wax and everything. But all right.

28:45 Drew All right, that's all right.

28:46 Guest But it's a much more accepted thing.

28:48 Drew It's in the playful range.

28:50 Adam But where are you getting into now?

28:54 Guest I like to be whipped. I like to be forcefully smacked, not this lightly. And I do like to be cut.

29:03 Adam Ooh, did you have abuse growing up, physical abuse?

29:07 Guest Well, that was my whole question is I have no recollection of ever being physically abused. I come from a loving family and everything.

29:14 Drew I have not met, what's her name again?

29:16 Adam Her name is Justine.

29:18 Drew Justine, I have not met someone, I have never had a patient that is as far into this as you are, that didn't have some sort of real, nice, well done. That's impressive. Some sort of physical abuse in childhood where you don't remember ever being struck.

29:37 Guest I never had family things. I have no recollection of anything like that.

29:42 Adam Well, when you say no recollection, it always makes us a little nervous because most people just say, my dad never did, no, my dad never hit me.

29:49 Guest No, my dad would never lay a hand on me.

29:51 Adam All right, all right, because here's, there's, now here's another thing too. Well, there is something going on. Once in a while, now, so on the male side, which isn't true for the female side, Drew, but it's interesting, which is, I'm putting Justine on hold for a second so I don't wax poetic for a second, but the guys that pay money to go in and be submissive and have the dominatrix share and beat the crap out of them, these guys are always rich white guys who had too much handed to them and want the sort of thrill of being crapped on like they crap on their employees all day in their Fortune 500 companies, right? It's never a guy who grew up with no goddamn cranks on his Mazda truck window. You know what I mean?

30:39 Drew But the bottom line is the abuser also likes playing the role of the abusee. And so when he's abusing people, but during the day he also has gratification from being abused and he has to get that covertly.

30:50 Adam But what I'm saying is is there, and we never heard about it, and I don't really think there is, but I'm putting it out there, is there a female equivalent to that guy?

31:00 Drew Oh, I see.

31:01 Adam Is there, is Justine someone who grew up with too much, too much privilege or too many nice things and saw the way other people live and once this stark contrast to that lifestyle?

31:13 Drew I really don't believe that. I mean, of course, always there's something. But no, it's not stupid, but it's an interesting question, but the fact that it's particular in this case that she was a self-mutilator means she has a profound deficiency in the capacity for self-regulation. She has to cut or monitor to cope with her feeling states.

31:31 Adam Justine?

31:32 Drew And that's what the S&M is about too.

31:34 Adam Justine?

31:35 Guest Yes.

31:36 Adam What did your parents do for a living?

31:37 Drew Were you adopted or abandoned? What's the deal, were you adopted?

31:41 Caller No, no, I was the oldest child.

31:45 Guest My parents, you know, were middle class. I mean, I didn't have like a lot of extravagant things growing up.

31:53 Drew No, no, no, but something happened here. Were you sort of made a parent too young? Were you taking care of the other kids?

31:59 Guest No, I was an only child till I was five and a half.

32:02 Adam All right, hold on a second. We got to take a break. We're going to plumb the depths of Justine and see if we can get to the bottom of her when we come back. Drew in New York, Ace in LA, and we'll be right back with more Loveline after this.

32:15 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

32:17 The one and only, Live 105.

32:22 Yeah.

32:24 Adam Oh yeah. Get it on. Yeah. It's a hot song. Yeah. That's not the it's getting hot in here. Take your clothes off song, is it? I love it when they play that at a wedding. It's getting hot in here. So take off. Oh, you're close. Please, please. I know. I like the background singers. I am so hot. I'm gonna take my clothes off.

32:57 Drew And you can carry a tune.

32:58 Adam Wow.

32:59 Drew Well, I just got such a vivid picture of that song.

33:02 Adam I can do it all, Drew. Don't kid yourself.

33:05 Drew I know. I know. I know.

33:06 Adam Dr. Drew is over there in New York City. Saw himself a play.

33:12 Drew Oh my god. It's been a long time.

33:15 Adam Come on buddy.

33:16 Drew I don't have the words in front of me.

33:18 It's all in your head.

33:20 Adam Close your eyes. You'll see them. Here we go. Break it down.

33:42 Drew In the hissy. You know, that's why I stopped doing that. You know what I mean? Ever since we culminated in that crank anchors. That was it. Come on, come on, come on.

33:53 Adam That's the best work you ever done. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Jeff Probst from Survivor in here tomorrow night. Great guy. Great show. Love that survivor. So he's in. Hopefully, he's wearing the rawhide choker, Drew. So he's in tomorrow night. And Drew in New York, me out here back to the phones. We're speaking to Justine. Justine is 20. She's in the S&M. It's starting to spiral out of control. It was start off the little rough trade and now it's getting into some like close fist punching and some strangulation.

34:30 Drew Not some self self mutilation is the thing that shelf self mutilation.

34:34 Adam And then said was doing that in high school. We can't figure it out because her parents are middle class. Everything is cool. She says everything's fine. There's no abuse. There's something. What's up? What are we? What aren't you telling us? What are we missing?

34:48 Guest I don't know.

34:50 Drew Did you have ADD? Did you have ADD, bipolar? Is there any other conditions you've been trying to deal with?

34:56 Guest I'm bipolar.

34:57 Drew Okay. What that you could have told us.

35:00 Guest Well, I didn't realize that that had anything to do with it.

35:03 Drew Anything to do with your mental health would be helpful in interpreting these things.

35:06 Adam I mean, if you're doing something that's out of line, certainly by societal standards and you have an emotional condition.

35:15 Drew By the way, right there is the biggest mistake that people make about their behaviors. This whole idea of societal standards, throw that all away. We cannot judge, Adam. We cannot judge.

35:25 Adam No, we can't.

35:26 Drew But there is a range of healthy behaviors, outside of which people, you got to evaluate in the context of there being something else going on.

35:34 Adam Well, Drew, you know how I feel about these nutjobs. I just meant by societal standards, I meant within the range of healthy behavior, but that range is measured by society.

35:50 Drew Society makes note of it, and the reason it makes note of it is because there is a normal range, a healthy range. For the most part, society sort of makes note of it and sort of codifies it in ways that may be kind of rigid and artificial, but for the most part, the reason society notices it is because it does mean something.

36:09 Adam It does mean something. Why don't you get some help for your bipolar condition?

36:14 Guest I do. I actually am on med school and it's mostly under control.

36:19 Drew Also, the self-cutting and all that stuff, there's something else going on here too.

36:23 Guest That's something that has been over.

36:28 Drew But the fact that you couldn't regulate your feelings. Maybe your bipolarity was out of control then, maybe that was partly what was going on, but the fact that you're all into the S&M and you're sort of needing that in order to feel sexual suggests that something else also happened. And look at it.

36:44 Adam It's all right. And here's the other thing too. This isn't healthy. It leads nowhere. And it's something that you should look at as a problem and attempt to control instead of indulging your whim.

36:57 Drew Right. That's right.

36:59 Adam Everybody, please do that. Let me say this, Drew. You're in New York tonight. I guess the Yankees won, right?

37:06 Drew I saw the last couple innings.

37:07 Adam Yeah. Exciting game.

37:09 Drew Watch it with Joey McIntyre.

37:10 Adam I just realized, Drew, dropping names from 20 years ago. You know, I was talking over at Kimmel today. I've mentioned before that I've run into more guys from Massachusetts and the Boston area over the last three years than I've ever met in the previous 37. And everyone is nuts with the Patriots and they're crazy. They're ravenous fans over there. They're crazy. They're sort of like, I imagine they're what Yankee fans would be except for without the sort of security of the, you know, 30 World Series rings, you know? Right. They're like, they're as into it as Yankee fans are except for they're hungry and they're drunk. And a fair amount of a-holes from that part of the country I've now figured out. Here's the thing. For the last five years, it has been nothing but Red Sox talk at the office. It's Red Sox jerseys, it's guys doing rituals, you know, not changing their shirts, coming in wearing, you know, half uniforms essentially, and just monopolized discussion. It's on the Internet, whatever. And I thought, you learn to accept it living in Los Angeles. That you're in an office environment with guys that are fans of 30 different teams. And you just sit there. But once in a while, I think to myself, could you imagine for a second this going on in Boston? And I announced today, here's my fantasy. My fantasy is to become rich enough to hire like 10 A-hole Dodger fanatics and send them to Boston and have them just take over a floor of some business and do nothing but monopolize everyone's time talking about Dodgers. Dodger this and Dodger that. Not getting any work done all day, just on the internet, looking up Dodger stuff. Get it together. Yeah, fantasy baseball. But it's all Dodger talk. And by the way, how long would that last?

39:12 Drew Before it's all their ass?

39:14 Adam Yeah. LA, here's all you need to know about LA. All you need to know about how apathetic, not only do we, English is a fifth language here in Los Angeles, and you can't communicate with the average guy on the street because there's a serious language barrier. Not only that, but you can go to any place of employment around Los Angeles, sit down and be monopolized with talk of teams from other cities. Nothing but. Nothing but. Steelers and Patriots and Red Sox and Yankees. It's all that goes on. There's nothing, nothing but that. Where else does that exist, Drew?

39:55 Drew But there's so much else about Los Angeles that you could say, where else does that exist? And it applies. Where else does that exist? You have a little Ethiopia, but no little Italy.

40:04 Adam What are we going to do? When is this city going to get straightened out? And, you know, we're here. Here's the thing. There's too much diversity in this city. Like in Boston, they got the Sox. Everyone likes the Sox. And the whole city can rally around the Sox. We got nothing close to that over here. We got a little Ethiopia and La Brea Tar Pits.

40:27 Drew Oh, yeah, we got that.

40:27 Adam Fantastic.

40:29 Drew Take some calls. Taking calls. Here we go.

40:31 Adam All right. Now, now it's off.

40:33 Drew Now you're going to talk.

40:34 Adam Now I'm going to talk. Or not, Drew.

40:38 Drew And let's take calls. Don't take calls. Do not take calls.

40:43 Adam No more calls. Shush. I run this show and I say take calls. Christy?

40:49 Guest Yes.

40:50 Adam You're 23?

40:52 Guest Yes.

40:52 Drew There will be no more calls on this show. Aha.

40:55 Adam I'm going to talk to Christy. Go ahead, Christy. Don't listen to Drew. I make the calls around here. And you know what? I take them too. Go ahead, Christy.

41:06 Guest Well, my boyfriend this morning, we've been together a year now. And as of the blue, as of nowhere, he was like, what would you say if I wanted to move to Texas?

41:18 Adam No, I'm trying to come through the annals of your mind if you've ever been right about anything.

41:24 Drew No, no, no. OK.

41:26 Adam He wants to move out of state.

41:28 Guest Yeah. And it was just out of the blue and he never, like, said, will you come with me or anything?

41:35 Drew Why is he leaving? Why?

41:37 Guest He didn't say for sure he was leaving.

41:40 Drew Why?

41:44 I'm scared of commitment.

41:46 Adam Why did he say he's moving out of state?

41:49 Drew Why? Why is he going to Texas? Why?

41:51 Adam Why?

41:52 Drew Why?

41:52 Guest I'm not sure.

41:54 Adam He just said, I'm leaving the state.

41:57 Guest No, he didn't say he was leaving. He said, what would you think if I moved to Texas?

42:01 Drew And why was he going to Texas? Why? Why?

42:03 Guest Why?

42:04 Drew Why is he going to Texas? Why?

42:07 Adam Why?

42:07 Drew Why?

42:08 Adam Why?

42:09 Guest I don't know.

42:10 Adam Why?

42:10 Guest I think he has a commitment problem.

42:13 Adam Well, why did he say he's got a job in Texas? Oh, okay. Okay. It only took 126 whys before we found out there was someone in Texas. Imagine leaving Christie. That'd be tough. But there's always a phone. Christie.

42:36 Yes.

42:36 Adam Here's why we're asking why all those times. We just want to know what he said.

42:42 Caller What's his motivation?

42:43 Adam Not what you thought or not what you felt, but what he said. You want us to interpret what... You understand, sorry, Drew. But there's a difference between someone saying, look, I have a very unique opportunity that may not come around for another hundred years and it's in a different state. I got to jump on this thing. That's a different thing than a baby. I got to ramble. I got to ramble. Right.

43:05 Drew And you're asking us to interpret what it means that he's wanting to leave and you've already decided it's a commitment problem. We have no idea why he wants to leave.

43:11 Adam It doesn't sound great, but is there a job opportunity over there?

43:16 Drew Does he miss his family? Does he miss his family?

43:24 Adam But he must have said to you something like, I can't find a job out here.

43:30 Guest No, he has a job out here. I just don't think he's very happy with like his living arrangements right now and stuff. But he's really hard. Like he won't open up to me about certain things. And I don't know how to approach him about like what's going on.

43:47 Adam I'm not sure if you would hear it if even if he told you. Right.

43:50 Drew He has to say at least 126 times.

43:55 Adam I really I still refuse to believe that he just said, I'm thinking about moving out of state. He must have said something like, I hate my job or I can't afford this city or I want to move home and save some money.

44:10 Guest He's having financial problems, but he didn't mention that before. He said anything like that.

44:17 Drew We can't we can't go on. It's all a mystery.

44:20 Adam I'm going to interpret this because I would rather talk to the gnome that gets towed around in the bed of the pickup truck on the Toyota commercial than Christie. I really think I could get more information out of that carved midget.

44:36 Here's the red coat and the red hat.

44:39 Adam Here's the thing. He is not in love with Christie. I don't know that he I'm saying that he hates her.

44:46 Drew Well, if he is, he will say you need to come with me. We need to start making plans.

44:49 Adam You need to come with me. Here's what it is. This town ain't working out for him. He's getting homesick. He doesn't have any money. I'm guessing because he doesn't have any money, his job sucks.

45:00 Drew He's miserable. He needs to do a geographic. He's trying to make a change to make himself happy.

45:03 Adam He's trying to shake things up and move. Now, if he asks you to come with him, that's one thing. And if he says, I'll call you when I get there, probably means this thing, you can put a fork in it.

45:16 Drew And if he doesn't mention either, pack it in.

45:18 Adam Right. Here's the deal. This, if he is moving and he doesn't want you to move with him, you guys live together now?

45:28 Guest No.

45:31 Adam And why don't you live together?

45:34 Guest Because he didn't want to rush into anything. He lived with his last girlfriend and ended really badly.

45:42 Drew All right.

45:42 Adam So he sounds like BS. It sounds like he's packing up.

45:46 Drew Yeah.

45:47 Adam If he moves and doesn't ask you to come, obviously it's over.

45:50 Drew There you go.

45:52 Adam All right. Sorry. But look, you're 23, he's 30, he's a loser, by the way. He's 30 years old. And by the way, I started having some success when I was 30. So now I can speak freely about 30 year olds that are losers.

46:05 Drew You had a luster career in carpentry and boxing instruction and a few minutes on the morning radio at 30.

46:12 Adam At 30?

46:13 Drew I still would have told you to kill yourself.

46:14 Adam All right. All right, Drew, what would you be writing a biography on me or something? How do you know my timeline so well? Christy, what does he do for?

46:22 Drew What are you talking about every night?

46:25 Adam All right. Quiet down. What? Cut him off, Anderson. What did Christy, what's he do for a living? No. Okay. So 30 year old cook who has a crappy job, can't afford his one bedroom apartment. So what? Let the guy go. He's a commitment phobe. Let him go cry, cry back home to mommy and sling his hash in an Abilene.

46:51 Drew Unless he asks you to come along.

46:52 Adam Unless he has to come along, in which case you got to jump on him. Listen, ladies, you're 23. By the way, when a guy is 30 and he's still slinging hash and he can't cut the rent on his studio apartment in Boulder, forget it. You know what I'm saying?

47:10 Drew Yeah, yeah.

47:10 Adam You don't need that. Go find a real guy. OK, let's take ourselves a little break. When we come back.

47:17 Drew You know what would be scarier is you now talking to you at 27.

47:22 Adam You'd be brutal. Yeah, you'd be yelling at me and I'd be making fun of my voice. When we come back, we're going to speak to Todd, 26. I told Todd to call me in 10 years. That was nine years ago. He's following up. Oh, I did say 10 years, not nine years.

47:41 Drew You know why you told him that? Because you told him no one over 25 named Todd.

47:45 Adam Oh, really?

47:46 Drew I think he's one of those guys. Hold on.

47:48 Adam We'll get to this after this.

48:00 The One and Only, Live 105.

48:17 Adam That's Dr. Drew in New York City, everybody. Jeff Probst in studio tonight. Big fan. Oh, did I say tonight? Tomorrow night. Tomorrow night, Jeff Probst in studio. Big fan, big fan of Survivor, one of the shows I've watched more consistently than probably any other show. And he does a wonderful job. And the thing that's amazing about Probst and Survivor, and I don't know if he's using one of those like NFL quarterback cheat sheet wristband things, but he comes in on day number one on the like immunity challenge. And he's like, all right, Ted, Big Tom, Stevie and Sarge, you're over here. Cheryl, Mandy, Susan, Candy, you're over here. Larry, Bob, Joe and Mary, you're over. And I'd be like, Nike, Nike Hat and Fatty, you're over here. Hooknose and Peg, yeah, Gimp. Yeah. Sandals, flip-flops. You're over here. Like I would be in week number 11 and have no idea what anyone's name was. We would be down to the final elimination. It just be between the two people after 20 weeks on the island. And I'd be like, all right, dude, you're time to vote against, you know, what's his nose? I would not, and Drew, you'd do the same thing.

49:49 Drew Oh my God.

49:50 Adam As we used to, when we used to do Loveline, I could see you just look across at the guest half the time and go, and Drew was always funny because he'd go, I agree with the guest. That's, so I don't know.

50:03 Drew Now somebody walks up to me, hey, did you show 12 times like, oh yeah, yeah, hey guy.

50:08 Adam Joey McIntyre walked up, you had no idea who it was, right?

50:10 Drew No, no. So here's the point. So is that three hours watching him play, he was in that moment.

50:15 Adam Very impressive. So I'm going to ask Jeff how he memorizes everyone's name. Todd.

50:21 Drew Oh my God, I'm strangely watching Diane Farr.

50:24 Adam All right, hold on a second. Todd, should you be watching TV when you're doing a very important radio show?

50:29 Drew It just flashed up here, so we've turned around to me. Okay.

50:31 Adam Focus. Todd.

50:33 Hi guys, how you doing?

50:34 Adam All right, so you're 26.

50:35 Caller I'm 26 years old and Drew came to my high school when I was 15 years old.

50:42 Adam Looking for a tale.

50:43 Caller Chadwick High School. Do you remember that, Drew?

50:46 Drew Oh yeah, a long time ago.

50:47 Caller Long time ago.

50:49 Adam What, where's Chadwick High School?

50:51 Caller Chadwick's in Palos Verdes.

50:53 Drew Yes.

50:54 Caller Yes, and I actually called you guys a year later with a problem. I believe Adam was doing Loveline and I was about 17 years old and I called him with a problem.

51:08 Adam So you called nine years ago.

51:11 Caller Nine years ago.

51:12 Drew Now one of the things Adam says is that no person named Todd lives past 25, so he would be happy to hear from you after 25. Exactly. Just to prove you're alive.

51:22 Caller What he told me is that after 10 years, if he was still on Loveline, he would actually kill himself.

51:30 Drew So you wanted to call and remind him of that. Is that what you're saying?

51:33 Caller Exactly. Exactly. And he still has a year left.

51:37 Adam I still got a year left. All right. Cause I'm, I'm working on it.

51:40 Caller So what I wanted to say was thank you guys for helping out with my problem. And I wanted to talk to Drew off the air. If you'd give me a call, I'd give my number out to your video there.

51:57 Adam What else? You want to put a coat of carnauba wax on your van too?

52:01 Drew What was the question you called in?

52:02 Caller What I want to tell you guys is actually I'm very successful now. And since Adam has been there since eight and a half years, I wanted to tell him to kill himself.

52:13 Drew Well, thanks. I appreciate that.

52:15 Adam But now what did you call about? First off, I said call 10 years later. And I now wish I said 15. Number one. Number two, I'm a man of my word and I will kill myself if I'm here in 12 months from now. And number three, what's up with Todd now?

52:34 Drew I'm trying to figure that out. I want to know what he called about in the first place.

52:37 Adam We got to take a break. I'm not sure that he called about anything. I'm not sure why he thinks you're going to call him off the air. And just because I have super low self-esteem and my spidey sense is tingling in a retarded way, I think we'll talk to Todd when we come back. But I expect the worst. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

52:59 Caller Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me. So what's up? But I tried everything else and thought, what the hell?

53:14 Guest 877-889-DATE.

53:42 Adam How do, y'all? Name's Ace. Dr. Drew is over there in New York City, everybody. And yeah. What's up, Drew?

53:53 Drew In the Hizzy.

53:54 Adam In the Hizzy. And Jeff Probst is gonna be on the show tomorrow night. Big fan, big survivor fan. Many, many questions for Jeff. All right, when we left off, we were speaking to Todd. Todd, let's see, little history. Drew went to his junior high or maybe high school and did a little speaking at some point. Yeah, I don't know what the hell Drew was thinking, but that's what he did. And then he called the show nine years ago. He's 26 now. He called when he was 17. I told him if he called back in 10 years and I was here, I would kill myself. He's calling me to give me a little reminder to kill myself. I'm saying I got another year. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And then he wanted Drew to give him a buzz off the air. And then he started cracking wise. So I'm not exactly sure what Todd wants, but just because we have low self-esteem and a whole hour to kill, we'll get back with him. All right.

54:53 Drew So what did you call about back when?

54:56 Caller What I called about was a relationship. Back then I was serious with my girlfriend and you guys told me to break up, go to college. And I did.

55:09 Drew Now you're successful.

55:11 Adam Now you're a successful businessman.

55:13 Drew What do you do?

55:15 Caller I went to the University of Southern California, the Trojans, and what I'm calling now about is the man. I, 26 years old, went to college working hard and not a millionaire yet, and I know you guys are. So I wanted some suggestions on how to beat the man and how to beat the boss.

55:41 Adam How to beat him? Well, what do you do?

55:45 Caller I'm in the financial industry.

55:46 Drew Oh, what does that mean?

55:49 Adam Kiss a lot of ass and show up early. Oh, you're all nerds.

55:54 Caller Series seven, Series 63, so what I do is IRAs, rollover, stocks, bonds.

56:00 Adam All right, yeah, listen, you'll be fine. You're 26. Yeah, do you have a woman? Are you getting laid?

56:08 Caller I am now, but I don't know if I want to get married yet. I mean, you guys tell me that once I get married, it's a bad time, so.

56:15 Drew No, it's good times if you're ready.

56:17 Adam Who said that?

56:18 Caller Well, when should I get married, guys? 30, after 30. 30, 30.

56:23 Adam Wait till after I kill myself and then get married.

56:25 Caller When's a good year to get married?

56:27 Adam 2007, odd years, always better. What do you want to talk to Drew about off the air?

56:34 Caller I just want to say hi to him. And I mean, my real question is, guys, when should I get married? I mean, you know, kind of working towards my.

56:43 Adam Well, hold on. Do you have a serious girlfriend right now? How did this guy go to USC? Oh, USC is not that hard to get into. Drew went there. Hey, hey, hey, Todd.

56:55 Caller Yeah.

56:55 Adam Do you have a serious girlfriend?

56:57 Caller Well, I mean, I did, but I broke up.

57:01 Adam All right. Oh, imagine spending time with Todd. God, would that be painful. All right. Well, he's your buddy, Drew. Here's the thing.

57:11 Drew He needs to work his ass off and not worry about trying to find a way to get around the man. He needs to work his butt off.

57:16 Adam I don't even know what he's talking about. I feel like we've created a monster.

57:20 Drew Once again, talking to you at 27, what did you do? Where were you at 26, Adam? You could give him advice on what to do at 20. Other than working your butt off.

57:29 Adam And look, here's the thing about marriage. As a guy, I don't really recommend it before 30. I agree with Drew. Get your career going, get your schooling done, get whatever you got to get going and then do it. No rush at all.

57:42 Drew By the way, Adam, for all the S we give you about what you were doing swinging a hammer before the age of 30, the reality is you were working your ass off. You were training boxing, you were teaching boxing, you were working your way through training as a carpenter, became a carpenter, worked as a contractor, and then there's comedy training at night. It wasn't like you're, what do you do? You work your ass off, that's what you do.

58:08 Adam Well, here's what you do without getting too preachy. Whenever you're done with your daytime job, you come home and do more work. Right. Or you will sit in an orbit around your daytime job for the rest of your life.

58:22 Drew Yes.

58:22 Adam Because if you only go to work and do your job, you pretty much stay there. If you want to switch careers, you want to get further along, you got to come home at night and go to school.

58:31 Drew Right.

58:31 Adam Or go take your class or whatever it is your interest or muse is. But anyway, Todd sounds like he's going to be fine. And look, you can't go through life. I know a lot of other radio show hosts like us, I don't want to mention any names, have a bunch of retarded rules that you're just supposed to adhere to. Never spend more than this much on a date, never get married before this age, never do this after so many dates. Who the hell knows? Now everything's out the window. Just live your life. Yeah, better idea to get married at 30 than it is at 20. But if you met the right person at 20 and that's where you were at, who am I to tell you you can't? There's no rules. You know what I'm saying?

59:15 Drew No, no rules. But you do tell plenty of people at 20 not to get married.

59:19 Adam I do tell them to get married, but there's plenty of people who get married at 20 and are still married.

59:23 Drew You're right. That's true.

59:24 Adam That was only six months ago, that's right. Yeah, Todd, here's the thing. You almost sound like you have a personality problem. You sound creepy and narcissistic and like you're overcompensating. And you're going to be one of these guys that's financially successful with the soul of a nerd driving everyone nuts with your tasseled shoes and no socks, driving around your retarded Dodge Viper everywhere or rolling up and down a Ventura Boulevard in your $14,000 Harley that you can barely ride. And you know how I can tell the guys who can't ride the motorcycles? When they take off from the stoplight, both feet stay down like outriggers for 100 feet before they lift back up onto the peg. Those are the guys who can't ride the bikes. The guys who can ride the bike, their feet go right on the pegs before they start even moving forward. The signal changes, they start letting the clutch out, both feet up on the pegs. See what I'm saying, Drew?

1:00:19 Drew Interesting, that's good.

1:00:20 Adam No, you can always tell guys who can't ride bikes the feet hang out. They're like getting their balance all the way through the intersection, feet hanging out. All right. And they only put one foot down when they get there. They don't put both down. Know what I'm saying? Put the right one down. All right, so Todd, don't trust him. All right, call in another nine years and get married whenever you want. Is there anything worse than a hungry guy for success? Do you know what I mean? Not a guy who is going to pursue his love or his dream, but I'm talking about the guy who wants to be successful for the sake of success. That guy?

1:00:59 Drew That guy drive you crazy. Drive you crazy.

1:01:05 Adam Thank God no one I know is interested in success.

1:01:09 Drew You gotta be interested in contributing. You gotta be interested in being of service and doing something that's meaningful or else the rest just doesn't work.

1:01:17 Adam Even if it's meaningful to you. You know what I'm saying?

1:01:21 Drew Absolutely.

1:01:22 Adam All right. I mean, I'm not saying you have to be Mother Teresa. I just think if you do something that's important to you. All right, you ready to rock here, Drew?

1:01:29 Drew Here we go, come on.

1:01:30 Adam Let's get it together.

1:01:31 Drew Let's break it down.

1:01:32 Adam Don't take any more calls.

1:01:33 Drew No more calls.

1:01:34 Adam Uh-uh. I'm going, uh-huh. You don't want me to take any more calls?

1:01:37 Drew No calls. No way to show.

1:01:38 Adam Well, let me say this. Let me say this, smart guy. Pow. Mandy, line two, 20 years old. How do you like me now?

1:01:45 Caller Oh, I'm upset. I'm angry.

1:01:47 Adam Yeah. Well, you know what? Now you just got yourself another call. After Mandy, I'm going to talk to someone else almost immediately.

1:01:53 Drew No way. Oh, the humanity. No.

1:01:55 Adam I was going to tell a long-winded story about high school football, but forget it now.

1:01:59 Drew Oh no, I want to hear about high school football.

1:02:01 Adam No, no, you lost it, buddy. Let me tell you something. That ship has sailed, my friend. I'm going right to another call. I may take 10 more calls before the break.

1:02:11 Drew How do you like it now? No.

1:02:12 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shoes on the other foot.

1:02:15 Drew Mandy.

1:02:16 Adam And by the way.

1:02:16 Drew Quick, quick, before we don't take calls talking about taking calls.

1:02:19 Adam Let me just say this. When they say the shoe's on the other foot, do they mean it's the same guy who's put the shoe on his other foot? Or is it your foot that the shoe's on? You know what I'm saying? Like when I say, aha, shoe's on the other foot. Now, do I take your shoe and get to put it on my foot? Or do I take your right shoe off and put it on your left foot?

1:02:40 Drew It's challenging.

1:02:42 Adam It's tough. Engineer Chris's head just exploded.

1:02:45 Drew The shoe is on the other foot, meaning mine now.

1:02:48 Adam It's my foot? Yeah. You had the comfort and luxury and safety of shoes. Now I have the shoe.

1:02:55 Drew Yeah, now the shoe's on the other foot, namely my foot.

1:02:58 Adam My foot. But still, it says the other foot.

1:03:00 Drew There's a reason you can't say the other foot because the foot, the shoe wouldn't go on the other foot of the same person.

1:03:05 Adam I know, but that could be a form of punishment. And also it's foot, it's not feet, you know?

1:03:11 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:03:12 Adam It's one shoe.

1:03:13 Drew Don't take calls. Don't take calls. Ah, ah, ah.

1:03:17 Adam Let me tell you this.

1:03:18 Drew Talk more about aphorisms.

1:03:20 Adam Yeah, don't take calls? Hmm, let me think if I should take a call. Pow, Mandy, 20 years old. Yeah, the worm has turned. I'll tell you that right now. And, Drew, hold on a second, Mandy. When they talk about worms turning, what do they mean? Do they mean it is actually turning, going the other direction, or is it turned on you, or it was a worm, and now it's fighting back, you know, like a lion?

1:03:42 Drew Yeah, I've heard that one, but that's not one I've used commonly enough to really understand, so.

1:03:46 Adam What about the shoe was on the other worm?

1:03:50 Drew My head exploded just then.

1:03:51 Adam Okay. Don't take calls.

1:03:52 Drew Do not take a call.

1:03:54 Adam What? What did you say?

1:03:55 Drew Be cool.

1:03:55 Adam Chris, did you say not take calls? Hmm, not take call. Let's see. Drew wants me not to take calls, but I am a rebel who does not play by the rules. And you know what? Drew's the voice of the man. He says, don't take calls. You know what I do? Pow. Mandy, 20. What's up, baby doll?

1:04:23 Caller Mm-hmm. And the only way that it happened, I've been trying forever. And when I asked my boyfriend to pretend to rape me and I pretended to be like passed out and that's the only time I had an orgasm. So I was like, since then I've been like totally chasing it. I was like on the internet, like looking at porn of like rape and doggy style stuff.

1:04:48 Adam Does he have to crawl in through the window and stuff or is he just to be a rapist who's there?

1:04:56 Drew No elaborate acting out of this thing. Do you have a sense that being sexual or being sort of abandoned in your relationship is somehow bad or you feel guilty about it?

1:05:08 Caller Oh, I don't know, I guess.

1:05:10 Drew See sometimes, we normally go towards more overt forms of abuse, but sometimes this kind of thing is just a subtle feeling of oh, I'm ashamed of my sexuality, I'm guilty about it. But when somebody just takes over for me, then I can kind of give in to it. If he would just completely take over, I'm dead, he takes over, well then I can experience myself sexually.

1:05:30 Caller Maybe, but I don't think I'm very ashamed of myself. I just think I like to feel kind of feelings that aren't controlled.

1:05:39 Adam Well, Mandy, so you pretend like you're asleep, he comes in your room and rapes you. Do you get to wake up at some point?

1:05:49 Caller No, no, no, no, I don't.

1:05:51 Drew When he's asleep, she wakes up.

1:05:53 Adam Really?

1:05:53 Drew He's a pervert for you.

1:05:54 Adam And do you do any acting, like no stop, or any of that good stuff?

1:06:00 Drew No, Adam, don't ask that, Mandy. He's making notes.

1:06:05 Caller But he doesn't want to do it, so he won't do it anymore. So I've had to kind of figure out my own deal. So I've kind of really been getting into porn, and I finally, for the first time in my life, was able to give myself an orgasm. But now, since then, I've been doing it like six to ten times a day, and I've been really hurting myself. My body is sore, and I can't do it unless I hurt myself. Like, I can't get there unless it hurts.

1:06:39 Drew Well, you're doing too much. But that is something neurobiological that happens with women, is once they sort of get in that place where they're feeling sexual, feeling attuned to things, they're there. It'll roll for a while. And that is part of the biology.

1:06:54 Adam Alright, so Mandy, if you have not been abused in the past, and you haven't, right?

1:07:03 Caller Yeah, right.

1:07:06 Drew Have you been?

1:07:07 Caller I don't know. I don't know how to explain. Not really. I mean, not like sexually or anything.

1:07:13 Adam What happened?

1:07:16 Caller I don't know. I've been hit. But not like seriously. And I've had lots of boyfriends cheat on me before.

1:07:25 Adam What about your dad? Do you like him?

1:07:29 Caller I guess.

1:07:31 Drew Resounding endorsement of dad.

1:07:32 Caller I mean, since I was a little kid, he's been really open. We'll be watching TV. We'll be watching The Man Show or something.

1:07:46 Adam Her dad. So between being hit and having a dad that's sort of open sexually.

1:07:51 Drew They can actually call it covert incest. Premature exposure to sexuality and things. They call it covert incest.

1:07:58 Adam Oh, really?

1:07:59 Drew Yeah. So it does have an impact on some people.

1:08:02 Adam All right. So listen, something's cooking with Mandy. You don't have to question your sexuality or your modes of orgasm or the way you achieve an orgasm. It's just when you start acting out, I think that's when you got to take a look at it.

1:08:20 Drew Well, and the question is, can she sustain a stable relationship? Can she back down off this internet porn that she's getting hooked on? And if it doesn't sort of settle down, this is a common condition now. People get addicted to internet porn. While running for a little while with it is one thing, but to have it be a constant thing that has consequences and affects her productivity and her relationship, then you got to get help.

1:08:41 Adam You know what I'd love to see, Drew? I would love to see some sort of statistic, like 1971, amount of times beat off in front of a computer, two times.

1:08:56 Drew Nationally.

1:08:58 Adam Those were two NASA guys who... And that was just over some text, some data.

1:09:06 Drew They're excited about a result they got.

1:09:08 Adam It's sad that something that was sent from like the Viking ship was deciphered and turned from numbers into a text message or something, and they just spontaneously orgasm as to... 1975, that number had risen to 142. And by 1980, it was up to like 1700. And the year 2000, the number of people that got off in front of a computer, 400 million, and 2004, it's 1.7 billion.

1:09:48 Drew Then they had to switch it like the... They had to start going to McDonald's signs. Yeah, the McDonald's signs became not number of people, but number of episodes, and it's 47 billion.

1:09:57 Adam And they started measuring in like gigabytes. Yeah, but just think about that. Think about the number of guys who beat off in front of a computer in 1970.

1:10:08 Drew It really had to be almost there. Same thing with the phone sex, same things with VCRs.

1:10:13 Adam Yes. Well, first off, how dare you.

1:10:17 Drew What would disperse the VCR?

1:10:18 Adam For undermining my fabulous point, number one.

1:10:20 Drew No, it's the same number I'm reinforcing.

1:10:22 Adam No, it is not. You're not, and it isn't either. It's not as bad.

1:10:26 Drew You're right, though.

1:10:26 Adam No, here's the thing about phone sex. The second somebody had a phone 10 minutes after there was a phone, somebody called their girlfriend and had phone sex.

1:10:35 Drew You're right, or farted into the phone.

1:10:37 Adam Or farted into the phone. That was, hopefully, less than 10 minutes after the phone was invented. That's how I would have ended. Like, Watson, come down here.

1:10:49 Drew I'm sure Marconi did that with the radio.

1:10:51 Adam Yeah, that was phones. But I say phone sex, maybe not 900 numbers, but phone sex probably started the minute a guy left town and found a phone. And as far as VCRs go, the day after someone put one in their house, they got themselves a porn tape. The computer was probably around for 30 years before someone actually squeezed one off. And now you can't stop them. That's all I'm saying.

1:11:19 Drew Yeah, the computer is the crack. It's the crack pipe of the sexual addict.

1:11:25 Adam Oh yeah, cheap, easy, accessible, and very addicting. All right, let's talk to... I'm going to go to line four here. Alex? You're 15? Sorry to bother you, baby. I know it's late. We just needed some questions answered. You're 15? Yeah, you really do sound nine and depressed. Did you get sexually abused?

1:12:03 Drew When did that really get going? Who did that?

1:12:06 My dad and one of my ex-boyfriends.

1:12:09 Drew When did that all kick in? When you were 12?

1:12:21 Yeah.

1:12:22 Drew Oh my God.

1:12:24 Adam He was 49 for us.

1:12:25 No, he was 18.

1:12:28 Adam He was 18. You were 12.

1:12:30 Drew Yeah. That 12 and 19 match up is such a common one.

1:12:36 Adam What's your dad do? Something with metal?

1:12:40 No, he would use either just his strength or his belt.

1:12:46 Adam Right. He would get on me around. I don't mean he beat you with a welding rod. I just mean what does he do for a living? He's in the Army?

1:12:59 Yep.

1:13:00 Drew Can you go to any of the military health services to get help with what you've been through?

1:13:09 Adam You're calling from Arizona. He's in the Arizona?

1:13:12 No, now he's in Florida.

1:13:15 Drew And you're going to college?

1:13:17 No, I live with my mom.

1:13:20 Drew So I was thinking to myself, well, he's in Florida. He must have left the family. That's where all deadbeat dads go.

1:13:27 No, he did divorce my mom when I was five. But he would beat me whenever I was around him. Because I wasn't a very good child or something.

1:13:38 Adam He's a very bad father.

1:13:40 Drew He's a bad guy, a violent man. He's an a-hole. Children, think about it. What could a child do to make you want to beat the child?

1:13:50 Caller I don't know, knock over a bear.

1:13:53 Drew Of course, Adam, you have a very low threshold. But for her?

1:13:56 Adam Yeah.

1:13:58 Well, I think it's because I was the only one that could see through his lies.

1:14:02 Drew No, it's because he is a disturbed guy and he's an abuser. Alright, so what's the question?

1:14:09 Adam Let's mop up over here. You got a boyfriend that's cheating on you?

1:14:13 No, no.

1:14:18 Drew Good.

1:14:24 Caller And I totally fell for him. I'm crazy for him.

1:14:29 Drew Forget it. Anybody you're totally into is going to be a bad guy. The horror of the abuse turns into attraction in your age group. And that you have to learn. When you're really into a guy like that, it's going to be a disaster for you.

1:14:41 Adam Alright, but how are you going to talk?

1:14:41 Drew He's an ex. He's an ex.

1:14:42 Adam I'm not going to talk her out of it.

1:14:44 Drew He's an ex. Keep it that way.

1:14:46 Caller Well, like, okay, you guys are going to think I'm stupid, but, like, he smokes and he drinks and he does drugs and he cheated on me five times, but, like, for some reason I can't get over him.

1:14:58 Drew Well, didn't I just tell you that? You've got to.

1:15:00 Adam See, Drew, you think you know it all, don't you?

1:15:02 Caller No, I don't.

1:15:04 Drew I just finished telling you who the guy is, and that's who he is. It's not a surprise.

1:15:08 Adam Let me talk to Alex, by. The way. Hold on, I got a little gasp.

1:15:22 Drew We didn't hear it.

1:15:23 Adam The air moved. Hey, Alex. Okay, you're a mess. Sorry. You're aware of that. Fine. Let me tell you a couple of things. One is you cannot judge yourself or live your life by how attractive you are to men. I know that's all you feel you have right now. It's like you're a black comic with no material, and all you can do is, what if the president was black? That's what you feel like. I'm saying you're better than that. You got more than that. You're actually, you're funny, you're talented. You don't have to do all that horrible material. You got more range than that. You can study. You can get involved with things at school. You can have female friends. You don't have to compete about being alluring to men. Because that's going to be a major issue for you and it's going to bring you down. And you're going to get pregnant in eight months or a year. And everything's going to be a mess. And you're attracted to horrible guys and you're going to get your heart broken. This is something that you're not prepared to dabble in. Oh, you think you're big time because, oh, you were 12 and you had a 19 year old boyfriend.

1:16:33 Caller The only reason I went out with him is because I was scared and he was like, if you don't say yes, we're done.

1:16:39 Adam Here's the point.

1:16:40 Drew Oh, you did not say that, but that's interesting.

1:16:42 Adam Whatever. Here's the point. Stop it. Stop it. Focus on other things. And don't get pregnant. Alright, well then don't get pregnant.

1:16:55 Drew Because now, can you get some help?

1:16:56 Adam If you cannot. Then listen, forget everything. Don't get pregnant.

1:17:04 Caller I'm not going to.

1:17:05 Adam I know you're not going to. You and every other ball of white trash from Arizona is 15 and having sex with adults doesn't plan on getting pregnant. That's my girl. Alright, I'm going to need to I'm going to need you. You know what I'm going to need? I'm going to need you to send me a picture of your hymen with a current newspaper. With the date on the newspaper visible once a month.

1:17:32 Drew And a dime for scale.

1:17:33 Caller What? A dime for scale.

1:17:39 Adam Yeah, I wonder how big it is. Yeah, it's good. I like when they do that. I like when they put change next to the Oh, it's as if you're looking at a hearing aid. What is that? The size of a Buick? No, you idiot. Look, there's a nickel next to it. I don't know. I think it could be a huge hearing aid. You could need a forklift in order to get that into your house. No, no, no. Look, there's a piece of change here. We got to come up with something better and change. Fruit doesn't work because it moves. I like golf balls.

1:18:08 Drew All right.

1:18:10 Adam Here's the thing. Alex Good, your virgin. Don't get pregnant and don't trust your instincts with these guys. And I don't think there's anything we can tell her, Drew.

1:18:18 Drew Literally cannot control these behaviors. You must get help. That's it. Very simple. Go to a 12-step meeting if you want. Co-dependency meeting, that sort of thing.

1:18:26 Adam Drew, I'm going to officially say that dime for scale. Funniest thing you've said in four years.

1:18:32 Drew Thank you. Oh, I feel I moved.

1:18:34 Adam And, but, and, and, Drew, I know we talk about the yes and.

1:18:38 Drew Yes, and?

1:18:40 Adam That is a great example right there.

1:18:42 Drew Well, it's not you. By the way, now that you explained to me what that works, I'm trying to pay attention. I didn't understand the concept until you explained to me a couple nights ago.

1:18:51 Adam The telephone and the VCR, not great exams.

1:18:53 Drew Not good.

1:18:54 Adam But the dime for scale.

1:18:56 Drew Yeah.

1:18:57 Adam Solid. All right. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back. Hey, y'all. Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew in New York City tonight. Jeff Probst from Survivor. Dear, dear, dear friend will be in here tomorrow night. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191 Drew. Interesting. Consistent. Not surprising. But yet disappointing news on the joke front.

1:19:34 Drew What's that?

1:19:35 Adam Well, I told engineer Chris Drew made a funny last break. And it's not often that Drew makes a funny. About the best Drew does in the comedy department is pile on a little bit. I'll tell you what you would be. You would be like the crappy player on the football team who jumps on the pile at the end.

1:19:57 Drew Right. I'm not making the stop.

1:20:00 Adam And oftentimes when jumping on the pile on the end puts his knee into the groin of someone who actually made the tackle. But what Drew did five minutes ago on the show was equivalent to Ronnie Lott just coming up. They had they'd thrown a screen. They'd thrown a screen. Drew had sussed it out, had a full head of steam, sidestepped a pulling guard, and just flattened the guy because the pass was a little high and just created a human spear put his head right between the guy's numbers, right in the sternum.

1:20:34 Drew So satisfying.

1:20:35 Adam And just, and did that move too where you don't even hit the ground. He stretched out a little for the ball. You put your helmet right in the sternum, and as you actually hit, you actually slide over him on the turf. He's on his back. You slide right in front and right back on your feet. Crowd going insane.

1:20:53 Drew Here's the comedy. My impulse is to pile on with my own little description of what I would want to do to the guy without adding anything to your story.

1:21:00 Adam Yeah. Don't do it, buddy.

1:21:02 Drew I'll hold my tongue.

1:21:03 Adam That was a good kill. That was a clean hit.

1:21:06 Drew I can't stop myself.

1:21:07 Adam Quiet. Now, here's what happened. I spoke to our last listener. Told her I was surprised she was a virgin and wanted to see a picture of her hymen with a current newspaper date displayed next to it each month just to make sure she was remaining a virgin. And Drew said, and throwing a dime for scale. I told someone during the commercial, I said, engineer Chris, well, that was a good one. That was a good one, Drew made, huh? And he's like, yeah, it was funny. And I started to take a step toward the drinking fountain, Drew, and I stopped and I said, you know what dime for scale means, Chris? And he said, no. No. So Drew, little too hip for the room.

1:21:52 Drew Literally, but I literally mean, put one in there. I mean, I would.

1:21:56 Adam Little too hip for the room. That's all I'm saying. Chris, dime for scale. We there? Still not there? We are there? What do you think? Can you guess what that joke means? The size. The size. All right. There we go. Break it down. Break it down. Break it down, Chris. You got it right. So break it down, buddy. All right. There you go. All right. You ready to go? It's time to play a little Germany or Florida, by the way. Exciting. Eric. 29. What's going on?

1:22:28 Drew Have you called before?

1:22:30 Oh, hey, there. Good. But I heard that Dr. Drew.

1:22:33 Drew Yes, I recognize his voice immediately.

1:22:36 Adam Really?

1:22:37 You're good with the voices.

1:22:38 Drew Crazy.

1:22:40 Caller All righty. I got a good Germany or Florida. I was doing some research. This one actually happened in 1998. Oh, you ready? Yeah. OK. Oh, you know what? And after this, I do have a birth control question for you, Drew, if I could afterwards. A 19 year old man was mauled to death when he was dared by members of his college fraternity to scale a wall at a local zoo and attempt to have sex with a gorilla.

1:23:04 Caller Oh, wow.

1:23:07 Adam Oh, wow. Rough, rough way to go.

1:23:10 Drew Yeah. Let's think about that. OK.

1:23:12 Adam Gotta be rough on the family.

1:23:14 Drew Lots and lots of monkeys and gorilla type settings in Florida. You have lots of little monkey land things. But not with walls. Not even scale walls, those places.

1:23:25 Adam What do you mean? You have to make your way into wherever the gorillas are.

1:23:30 Drew I guess wherever the gorillas are, you gotta scale. Alright. So is that. And then feels Florida. Yeah.

1:23:36 Adam Feels Florida.

1:23:37 Drew Does not feel like a Germany thing. But Eric's pretty shrewd. He might be sending us some mixed messages here to try to get us off the track.

1:23:44 Adam Yeah. Shrewd meaning not a retard.

1:23:47 Drew Not.

1:23:50 Adam Shrewd for our colors. I'm going Florida.

1:23:53 Drew I'm going Germany.

1:23:54 Adam Oh, what is it, Eric?

1:23:56 Caller It is the Berlin Zoo in Germany.

1:23:58 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:24:01 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:24:02 Adam Hold on. Let's all just take a moment here. Drew, first off.

1:24:05 Drew Joke.

1:24:06 Adam And let me explain what just happened with that Germany of Florida. Your joke was you coming up sussing out the screen and just fourth in one and just putting the helmet in the sternum of the full back.

1:24:17 Drew I went up under his face mask, the helmet right there on the neck.

1:24:20 Adam Right, right, right. Let me tell you what this Germany of Florida was for you. This was a finesse play. This was third in seven. They're on the 33. They're driving.

1:24:32 Drew Let me stop for a second. And every other time we huddled you're going, you're such a pussy. You just follow on. You just follow on me. Whatever I do, you follow what I do.

1:24:40 Adam Right. This is Terrell Owens split out wide. This is Drew going out with him one on one. He's not in the bump and run. He's playing off him a good five, six yards. Terrell starts down the field. Drew backpedals, creating a buffer. Buffer, buffer. Terrell cuts sharp on the seven yard marker at the flag trying to pick up the first down. Turns out Drew takes two more back steps then comes up, closes the window.

1:25:07 Drew Full speed.

1:25:08 Adam Strong spiral thrown to the sideline. Drew steps right in front of it and is down the sideline. Not a sound made. No contact, no nothing.

1:25:19 Drew Just close the window. Little tip on the ball, little tip before I catch it.

1:25:22 Adam Little chip on Terrell's shoulder and then pow, close the window right down the sideline. That's what that was my man. That's what that was.

1:25:31 Drew On a roll.

1:25:32 Adam Drew don't talk anymore. Here's what I'm saying. Go sit on the bench. You're done. You're not going to have a better game.

1:25:39 Drew You're right. That's it.

1:25:41 Adam Eric.

1:25:42 Caller Hey guys. I just have that birth control question real quick. Adam, I tried your peeing in the sink thing last night when I got home from work and I wasn't feeling it. I'm sorry. I don't know what the fascination was.

1:25:52 Drew By the way, Eric and you cannot have that. By the way, I was walking on 57th and 9th left turn arrow in New York City. I've never heard of such a thing.

1:26:04 Adam It's a very dangerous sign. I've never heard of it. Well, if you don't like my whizzing in the sink, at least. It's good for you.

1:26:11 Caller It's good for you. There's nothing wrong with it. I experimented. I tried it. And I just wasn't feeling it. I'm not saying it's a bad thing.

1:26:16 Adam All right. All right. I respect that. I respect that. But I am going to ask you to ignore left turn arrows.

1:26:23 Caller Oh, please. Like I ever paid attention to them anyway.

1:26:25 Caller We got them here in Phoenix.

1:26:27 Drew Birth control.

1:26:28 Adam What's your question?

1:26:29 Caller Okay, real quick. There's that thing you can do with the birth control pill, which is stay on, you know, skip the sugar pills and stay on the other ones constantly. And then the girl never has a period.

1:26:39 Drew Right.

1:26:39 Caller Is that correct?

1:26:40 Drew Yes.

1:26:41 Caller Can the same thing be done with the patch?

1:26:43 Drew Yes.

1:26:44 Caller It can?

1:26:45 Drew Effectively, yeah. As far as I know it can. I don't know if anybody's doing it, but I see no reason why I couldn't.

1:26:50 Adam Well, how do you do it with the patch?

1:26:51 Drew You just don't, you don't skip the week.

1:26:53 Adam You don't skip. So normally with the patch, oh yeah, I was thinking of like a shot or depo or something like that. But the patch, you put a birth control patch on once a month. Or every week. You put a patch, you put a new patch on every week.

1:27:07 Drew Right.

1:27:08 Adam And instead of, do they have the placebo patch? I mean, do they have the sugar patch? No, instead of putting that on, you just, or instead of not wearing the patch for one week, you just start right into the next packet of patches.

1:27:21 Drew Yeah.

1:27:22 Adam And it should work the same because they're both hormonal, hormonal, they're hormonal. That's what I meant to say. Yeah. Let's talk to Mia. Mia? Twenty-one?

1:27:38 Yep.

1:27:39 Adam What's up, baby doll?

1:27:44 Okay, this is what I did. I figured out my boyfriend's access code. And then like when I figured it out, I ended up telling him that I knew his access code, hoping that he would change it so I wouldn't check one of his messages. So he pissed me off one day and I went in.

1:27:58 Adam Is this what is this on a cell phone?

1:28:02 I went in and I checked the message and there was a girl on there. So now I'm stuck between trying to figure out if he's trying to set me up like if he had one of his sisters leave a message knowing that I would check it.

1:28:15 Drew No, no guy can do that. 007 could do that. That's it.

1:28:19 Adam And also what's in it for him?

1:28:21 Caller Yeah, guys don't do that.

1:28:23 Adam But what did the message say?

1:28:25 It's pretty much like, oh, what's up? And you know, any other time I would talk to you all night, but I know that you're you gotta go to work in the morning.

1:28:35 Drew You should be angry. Listen, he didn't change the access code. He doesn't care. This guy's a screwball.

1:28:40 Adam I don't understand how did the access code thing come up in the first place?

1:28:46 Because he made me mad. And I happened to just go in and try to check it because he started to act funny.

1:28:51 Adam Well, how do you check, how do you decipher someone's access code if they don't give it to you?

1:28:55 Because with guys, a lot of times their access codes are either their birthday their football jersey number if they play a sport.

1:29:06 Adam Yeah, pretty predictable. Mine is actually the birthday of my jersey.

1:29:12 Drew The date you got your jersey.

1:29:15 Adam The date I got my jersey. So you were able to figure it out, is what you're saying? And then you told them you were able to figure it out. And then how long after that did you check it and find the message?

1:29:31 Probably like a week later.

1:29:35 Adam He was just probably being lazy and stupid. I don't think he was trying to pay you back.

1:29:39 Drew No, no, no.

1:29:40 Adam And did the person say their name?

1:29:43 When you have like a voice hold on, sorry. When you have like a voice mail like the way his is.

1:29:52 Drew Did she just want a jackpot?

1:29:54 Pretty much I went in and I like got the envelope information. So I got her number.

1:29:59 Adam Oh, you do?

1:30:00 Caller Yes.

1:30:01 Adam And you've never heard her number before, whatever.

1:30:06 Drew I guess we could call her.

1:30:07 Adam Name before? Yeah, we should call her.

1:30:10 It's kind of late out there if you want to call her.

1:30:12 Adam Well, here's the thing. Here's what I want to do. Well, here's the thing, Mia. What you really need to do is you need to call her and you do that thing that cops do. It's dirty pool, but it works every time. You just do a thing where you go, look, what's your boyfriend's name? I mean, I'm not acting. I'm actually asking at this point.

1:30:36 Caller Oh, you really want me to answer that question?

1:30:38 Adam Let's just say his name's John. What color is he, by the way? I like to sign a name that's more consistent with the race.

1:30:49 Caller How about Ray?

1:30:50 Adam What color is your boyfriend? You got to tell me. Is he a white guy? Oh, black? Alright, I'm going with Lucius. Alright, so you got a call. I like to sign a stereotypical name. You see what I'm saying? A white guy I probably call Hank. You know, a Mexican guy I call Jose. It keeps going. Here's the thing. You got to say, listen, I'm Lucius' girlfriend, and he told me everything, by the way. So, it's over, and I'm just telling you, and by the way, he came clean with me. He told me all the lured details of your guys' affair. And you just pretend like you know everything, because he told you everything, and she'll crack. And if she doesn't crack, then you can move on. Do you see what I'm saying?

1:31:39 Caller I'm cracking.

1:31:40 Adam I'm cracking.

1:31:41 Caller This is all bad times.

1:31:45 Adam You just say, you broke him down, you sweated him, he sung like a canary, you got all the information.

1:31:53 Drew So Adam is saying, call the girl, don't worry about the guy, get more information from the girl. And the guy you need to get rid of, this is a disaster. Why do you mess around with this chaos?

1:32:04 Adam Yeah, I don't trust him. And if you don't trust him, then why are you with him? Alright, don't let him get you get pregnant. Please don't get pregnant by this guy. We'll take a quick break, we'll be right back after this. Hey everybody, it's Adam. Here to talk about Axe Deodorant Body Spray.

1:32:27 Drew Yes sir.

1:32:28 Adam You spray that on, you give stink the axe. Hey y'all, Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Jeff Probst in here tomorrow night. From Survivor. Yeah. The only guy who gets to go from one season to the next, Jeff Probst. Great show. Alright, let's...

1:32:49 Drew Adam, Susan, my wife has sat here patiently watching this entire program tonight. Really?

1:32:54 Adam Isn't that wild? She came down to the studio with you?

1:32:57 Drew Yeah, isn't that crazy?

1:32:58 Adam Why would she do that? Why?

1:33:02 Drew She's becoming an Adam Carolla fan.

1:33:04 Adam Oh, really? Yeah.

1:33:07 Drew She was into that late night thing you did.

1:33:09 Adam She was on the other foot now, isn't it, Drew?

1:33:11 Drew And she was laughing a little bit. There's a little more of an audience here to have tonight. Actually laughing and smiling and stuff, like you say.

1:33:17 Adam Well, she was there on possibly your greatest night ever.

1:33:20 Drew That's right. That part didn't seem to register.

1:33:25 Adam She doesn't. Susan, if you're listening, please understand that this is Drew making a joke. You hear less than Haley's comment. Really. I mean, this is monumental.

1:33:38 Drew See, now she's laughing. She wasn't laughing at the joke that I told to laugh at you making fun of me.

1:33:44 Adam She doesn't understand. Not only did he get a Germany or Florida. By the way, Drew goes with I don't even know if Drew's ever gotten a Germany or Florida that I haven't decided was either Germany or Florida beforehand.

1:33:57 Drew And I don't think I've ever come up with a Germany. I would tend to go towards Florida.

1:34:02 Adam He was right. He went with the dime for scale joke.

1:34:07 Drew You know what I meant when I said dime for scale? Do you know what I meant? When I said dime for scale? We're talking about Heimann. Is he getting a picture of the Heimann with newspapers? Do we know the date that the Heimann is being... I have to put it down.

1:34:21 Adam You explained to her on the very long cab ride back to the hotel. Where are you staying by the way, Drew?

1:34:28 Drew The Morgan Hotel, like 37th and Madison.

1:34:32 Adam Good times. And it's almost 3 in the morning out there, right?

1:34:35 Drew Yeah.

1:34:36 Adam That is a devoted wife. That is a good woman. She must want something.

1:34:40 Drew Susan, you see those works? You make nice to him, tell him how much you want to fan you are.

1:34:46 Adam Look at her. That's a keeper. True, true. Remember what we talked about before with Susan? Forget it. Forget it. She's a keeper. You understand? I'm not saying what we talked about. I'm just saying whatever we talked, remember we had that talk? Forget it. Just forget what I said. That is a good woman. You hang on to her with both hands. Alright?

1:35:09 Drew Got it.

1:35:10 Adam Alright. Let's talk to Nicky who's a transsexual, 25, calling from, of all places, San Francisco.

1:35:17 Drew Oh, shocking.

1:35:18 Adam Go ahead, Nicky. Good.

1:35:22 Caller I'm just calling to see if there's anything that will help me get a little curvier.

1:35:27 Adam Well, let's figure out your situation. It says transsexual, so you've already undergone the operation?

1:35:36 Drew So you're a guy, you're an XY.

1:35:38 Adam That sound that came from you, that was no? No.

1:35:40 Caller I haven't had it, but I just look like one.

1:35:46 Adam OK, so you're a man.

1:35:49 Drew You're XY.

1:35:50 Adam Who is taking hormones.

1:35:54 Drew Yes.

1:35:56 Caller And I want to get curvier.

1:35:58 Adam OK, have you what a trainwreck. But you're living in San Francisco, so the city will pay for it if you're a bus driver or work for the DWP or something like that.

1:36:11 Drew You have to be careful because it is the estrogens that make you curvy, but taking high doses of estrogens can give you liver tumors and blood clots and other problems. So other than taking the estrogens, the only other way is plastic surgery. OK, well that's it.

1:36:25 Adam That was a drop by the way. Do you want to be you say curvier, you mean around the hips?

1:36:30 Drew Yeah.

1:36:34 Adam Not all guys are into that by the way, you know. You may have that Paris Hilton look that guys cut it, you know.

1:36:41 Drew No, I'm not that bad.

1:36:44 Adam Alright, you sound Nikki, you sound insane. What do you do for a living? In school?

1:36:56 Drew What school?

1:36:59 Adam What school?

1:37:00 Drew What school? I just spoke there last week.

1:37:04 Adam Wow, Drew, you probably had a makeout sesh with Nikki and didn't even know it. Yeah, but that woman of yours, she's a keeper now. So, Nikki, do you have money? Your parents pay for schooling? Oh, no. Student loans. And are you gonna get an operation? Are you gonna get your genitalia?

1:37:29 Drew You would love to?

1:37:30 Adam We ever molested or abused? Alright, so you just have a huge softball sized tumor in your head that's forcing you to do this? Alright. Alright, same here. So here's the thing. I imagine you have to be under the supervision of a doctor if you're gonna take this hormone replacement stuff, right? And whatever other procedures you're getting done. Do you have a doctor?

1:38:01 Drew You do? Who's giving you this medicine?

1:38:05 Adam Well, the only way you're gonna do it is A, you can, what about packing on a little weight? Alright. It's all gonna work out, by the way. Nikki, how about some therapy? Look, I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. This whole god damn oh, it's a woman trapped inside a man's body. Yeah, I got Napoleon trapped inside of me, you idiots. What do you mean a woman trapped inside a man's body? It's a nut job trapped inside a nut job's body. That's what it is. We've accepted this oh, no, I was born a man but I'm actually a woman. Oh, I see! And my cat, was that born a dog? Help me! What was the tree? Was the tree born a Buick? I don't understand. Chris, you're 5 9, you were born 6 8. Oh, interesting, but you're really trapped inside. Are you kidding? Jesus Christ! It means you're nuts! What are we going to face that? We accept, oh, I understand there's a mix up at birth. Oh, you were black but you were born white, you were tall but you were born short, you're a chicken but you're a guy, oh, you're bovine creature. I see you're a yak but you were born a house cat, interesting. Please, where does it end, you idiots? We'll take a break, we'll be right back after this.

1:39:27 Caller Alright guys, here's the deal.

1:39:28 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:39:32 Adam One call is all you need to make. Dr. Drew, New York City's beautiful keeper wife.

1:39:50 Drew Yeah, she wanted me to hang into the last second when you hear you say that again.

1:39:53 Adam Keeper, keeper, keeper. Again, Drew, what we talked about before, forget it, it's off.

1:40:00 Drew I went to talk to her and she's in the control booth and she goes, what does he want from me? What does he need? Does he look for something?

1:40:04 Adam No, I'm saying she has my endorsement. I give her a big thumbs up. Have a lovely, lovely ride back to the hotel at 3 a.m. in New York. What's the weather like there?

1:40:16 Drew A little warm, mid-sixties.

1:40:18 Adam All right, buddy boy. Enjoy the party tomorrow. Until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. Putting a helmet in the sternum of the full back.

1:40:29 Drew I went up under his face mask, the helmet right there in the neck.

1:40:34 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, October 12, 2004