Episode 1000651594739

0:57 Voiceover Online is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised.

1:20 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Cll phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Addiction Medicine Specialist. Orlando Jones is in studio tonight.

1:31 Orlando Jones Addiction Medical Specialist.

1:33 Adam Always good to see Orlando Jones.

1:35 Orlando Jones Yeah, long time we've been working together.

1:37 Adam That's very helpful. I'm a fan of Orlando Jones.

1:40 Orlando Jones I'm a fan of Adam and Dr. Jones.

1:42 Drew Or whatever your name is. You can do the guy with the man-show shirt.

1:45 Adam I like Alan and... No, Orlando, we knew from many seasons ago on Mad TV. And then, was it Mad TV to 7-Up to Movie fame?

2:02 Orlando Jones No, it was Mad TV to Movie to 7-Up in the Middle back to Movie.

2:06 Adam Oh, really?

2:07 Orlando Jones I was 6 movies in when 7-Up happened. Wow.

2:13 Adam I loved Drumline, by the way.

2:15 Orlando Jones Oh yeah, thank you. That was fun, though.

2:17 Adam That was really, I don't know, you're doing a little against type, I mean, at least for your other characters in most of your movies. But, it was a movie that, it didn't try that hard, I mean, it didn't get caught trying. It was just, it was nice, it was sort of the, it was like the black election. It was just a nice school movie, and it got you caught up in it, even if, even though you could have driven past that college a million times, never even turned your head to see what was going on on the field.

2:46 Orlando Jones Yeah, I felt like it was something that hadn't been done before, so, you know, which I think was really the key for me anyway.

2:52 Adam Yeah, you know what, it strikes me too that you can get people as involved in your plot as you get them involved. It doesn't really matter. There doesn't have to be a meteor heading toward the planet.

3:04 Drew No, no, but in fact, it's easier when it's a unique environment that you...

3:09 Adam That's what movies miss out on.

3:11 Orlando Jones Oh yeah, movies about the human condition. What a shocking concept. And not us killing each other and aliens and whatnot.

3:16 Drew Right, but about something real, God forbid.

3:19 Adam But I'm just talking about in scale. You can have a guy at an all-black college doing a drum competition and you can get as into that as you do the Olympics or the seventh game of the World Series if it's shot right.

3:33 Drew In a way, you have a little bit of an edge because it's unique. It's always novel.

3:38 Orlando Jones And the core story is really just about integrity and the battle that we all go through to try and have it.

3:42 Drew And love and blah, blah, blah.

3:44 Adam All right, Drew, come on, buddy.

3:45 Orlando Jones Love is always a part of it.

3:47 Adam Father of the Pride is the new project that Orlando is working on Tuesday nights in NBC at 9 o'clock. Do you watch that? No, just seeing the promise. Oh, yeah? I hear it's really good.

4:00 Drew It's very good.

4:00 Adam Drew, don't put me on the spot that way.

4:03 Drew I thought you had it and I will speak on your behalf because you're not too good with the T-vote unless it's the History Channel. And so, you know, my wife T-vote is the father of the program.

4:11 Adam I'm going to watch it this Tuesday. It's funny.

4:14 Drew Who plays the old lion?

4:16 Orlando Jones Carl Reiner.

4:17 Drew Is that Carl Reiner?

4:18 Orlando Jones Carl Reiner.

4:19 Drew He really sounds old.

4:20 Orlando Jones You know, Carl Reiner is amazing. I mean, he's obviously like an icon sort of in the business. But yeah, it's John Goodman, Cheryl Hines, who of course is on Curb Your Enthusiasm, and Carl Reiner and myself. But it's a lot of fun, the show. I think we really get to do stuff that, you know, people haven't done before on TV in a long time.

4:36 Adam VO work, the voiceover work, that is a good gig if you can get it. It absolutely is. Well, it's not Money in the Bank at the very beginning.

4:46 Drew But it's easy still.

4:48 Adam It's still easy. And then if you can get some going like the Simpsons, you're done.

4:52 Drew Well, explain to people what you mean by VO.

4:53 Adam Voiceover. I said voiceover after I said VO.

4:56 I'm not too hip for the role.

4:58 Orlando Jones You stand in a room by yourself and record.

5:02 Drew Was there any nervousness about the Siegfried and Roy?

5:05 Adam Not a lot.

5:06 Orlando Jones I don't think because we started long before a little That's the point.

5:10 Drew Once it happened, people go, oh, now how are we going to sell this?

5:13 Orlando Jones I don't think particularly because I think that this show isn't necessarily about Siegfried and Roy as much as it is about the animals that they rescue.

5:19 Drew Not only that, Siegfried and Roy represent, they're like not Siegfried and Roy, they're Siegfried and Roy. They're characters. They're symbols of themselves. They're not even themselves.

5:28 Orlando Jones They're magicians.

5:28 Adam Every gay man, whoever.

5:30 Drew Who collected animals.

5:31 Adam Gone to a codpiece.

5:35 Drew Fidgeted his beard and collected animals, yes.

5:37 Adam Yeah. But no, but I am with Drew because I remember thinking, I mean, here's an act that's been around for 35 years and then, you know, four months after you guys go into production, pow, a line turns on one of them. And I remember hearing there is a show that's coming out, would it be weird? And strangely, not been that weird.

5:57 Orlando Jones No, I think primarily because they're involved and also really wanted it to continue because their legacy at this point is sort of living on through this show.

6:04 Drew I was going to say even less than weird because people are sort of gratified at them living on Hole. As we like to think of them.

6:10 Adam Right. Well, it seems like Roy's coming back a little.

6:13 Orlando Jones Yeah, he's been in great, great, great.

6:15 Adam You know, Drew, go put a pox on the world, would you? The world's crappiest doctor.

6:22 Drew I just have to, I'm trying to be a voice of reality in the media spin world where it's, oh, he'll be running track next week.

6:28 Adam No, no, they're not saying that. I'm saying you, you were saying how grave it was when it happened and they're doing interviews with the guy now. He's progressing. I don't know if he's going to be even a shell of what he was before, but he's not hooked up to a tube.

6:44 Drew No, he's not. Half his body doesn't work.

6:46 Adam Yeah. All right. But he's, you know, he's, he's progressing. I mean, he's not what he was. He's better than he was eight months ago.

6:53 Drew Yes.

6:53 Adam And seems to be able to, he'd be able to cobble together some form of a life. It's not, it's not going to be a bunch of, you know, put the Salisbury steak in the blender. You know what I'm saying?

7:03 Drew No, it's not going to be a vegetable.

7:04 Orlando Jones And he's managed to put a hit television show in the air.

7:07 Drew No, absolutely. That is correct.

7:09 Adam Orlando's got a gig. I mean, it's all good, Drew.

7:12 Orlando Jones No, it is.

7:12 Drew I'm, you know, God bless him. Again, I'm just, I'm not fighting or not trying to encourage him. I'm trying to fight media and they're, you know, slow at it.

7:20 Orlando Jones I don't disagree with you. I mean, I remember when it happened, everybody talking about how he was going to progress so rapidly and, you know, that was-

7:26 Drew He'd be dancing a tap dance.

7:28 Orlando Jones Yeah, you know, yeah.

7:28 Drew No way.

7:29 Orlando Jones The show isn't going to be back up next week.

7:31 Drew Stroke means your brain is gone. That part of your brain is just gone. That part of your body is not going to work. That part of your thinking is not going to work. So you have to compensate. You have to learn all kinds of ways to compensate. But that's a different thing than everything coming back on again.

7:43 Right.

7:44 Drew So, that's it.

7:44 Adam How about the guys who shot at the gate and yelled like fag, like last week?

7:49 Why?

7:49 Orlando Jones Didn't hear about that?

7:51 Adam Maybe the week before.

7:52 Drew I think it was, yeah.

7:54 Orlando Jones Yeah, somebody drove by. I mean, I don't know if it's determined that they were silly directing it.

7:59 Adam Well, there was a, yes, they were labeling it a hate crime because somebody yelled fag. By the way, whenever you fire at anyone, you yell fag. So, it could have just been an ugly coincidence. Yeah, exactly.

8:10 Orlando Jones I had no idea.

8:10 Adam The guys in Vietnam were yelling fag while they were firing M16s and the guys at Rice Paddies. Like, you just yell fag when you start spraying bullets. It's not...

8:18 Drew It speaks volumes about better sexual mail.

8:20 Adam People don't, they don't understand that... The impulse.

8:22 Orlando Jones You say that as if you've done it before. You're an aficionado on what to say after shooting.

8:26 Adam You yell fag and you just, you empty a whole clip. Also, they do one of those things like, here's the old thing. If I was that big living in a town that small, I wouldn't have the huge initials on, on the gate.

8:42 Caller Small as Vegas?

8:42 Adam You know? Well, I mean, it's a town where it's not exactly Los Angeles, you know, or New York City.

8:49 Orlando Jones When you have half the animal kingdom at your command, I mean, when you say sick them, you know it's going down.

8:54 Caller That's true.

8:55 Adam It's true. Like, who the hell? How much crack do you got to be on to hop the wall over at Siegfried and Roy's place and try to steal their stereo?

9:04 Orlando Jones Saramone, get them.

9:07 Adam Blixson, Tasha, Simone, Blixson and Donner, Dixon, get them. It's over. It's awesome. I bet nobody's. Oh, they got to have like the world's most nervous pool guy. You know, like the pool man is like Batasu, Tarzanek and Tomosu in it. This time the door shut, the thing slid shut, right? Because last time I had to go in the pool. You know?

9:31 Orlando Jones You throw the mail over the fence and run.

9:33 Adam It's got to totally be freaky for guys who work. I mean, you got to have a gardener, you got to have a pool man, you got to have all these guys and you got these guys, they're, you know, they're wearing like the banana hammocks and they're running around, riding the tigers and stuff. You got to just become thoroughly freaked out. When I was a carpenter, I'd go over to someone's house and they had like a mean dog. It was tense. It was like, okay, the dog's in the kitchen. So come around the back, make sure the gate closes of the dog. Well, it was kind of weird, you know, couldn't imagine 800 15, 800 pound tigers roaming around. You're turning your back to them. You're got the pool net out, freaky. The gardener has to clean up tiger crap. And I'm saying I got a 60 pound dog that lets a frisbee size load go. I mean, this is 800 pounds.

10:25 Orlando Jones That's hefty. What kind of dog is that?

10:28 Adam It's a Shih Tzu.

10:31 Drew Strangely enough. Strangely enough.

10:32 Orlando Jones I tried to get his son up, man. I was waiting on you, Jesus.

10:38 Adam No, it's a small lamb, but it's sizable, sizable droppings. I'm just saying it's not 800 pounds.

10:45 Drew Maybe a tiger is like a squirrel, though. You ever seen a tiger crab?

10:48 Adam No, but seriously, a tiger, 800 pounds, got a crate, like, what did it eat? What did it eat for lunch? A pig?

10:56 Drew Protein does not make small crab.

10:57 Adam The duke's got to be, I mean, you know.

10:59 Orlando Jones Hey, man, it's the animal kingdom. He ate like an antelope for lunch, an impala for dinner.

11:04 Adam It's like you're pushing your mower through Siegfried and Roy's backyard and you run into one of those things. It's just an ass storm. It's poof, just brown out. You know? Drew, am I right?

11:14 Drew I'm just thinking about the trouble of maintaining our grass or our little 40 pound dogs, big brown spots.

11:19 Adam Who's cleaning that Tiger Duke up?

11:21 Drew There's got to be dedicated staff to each animal.

11:24 Orlando Jones Like what you would find at a zoo or any animal reserve.

11:27 Drew I have seen rhinos crap. I've seen rhinos ass. Rhinos take serious ass. I've seen that. They let loose wherever.

11:34 Adam Nothing better, by the way, than hippo flop underwater. Because immediately the water just goes poof.

11:40 Orlando Jones Not familiar with that. Hippo flop underwater.

11:43 Adam I've seen it at the zoo.

11:44 Drew Nice.

11:44 Adam Just the head sticking out. The water was clear and then pow.

11:50 Drew That's an adolescent dream, right? That's when you really struck Peter.

11:54 Orlando Jones Do they yell fag afterwards is my question.

12:00 Adam Cara?

12:04 Drew What's going on there? You're 18. Cara. I beg your pardon.

12:08 Adam Thanks for correcting me, by the way, Drew.

12:10 Drew I had a 50-50 chance of being right. No, she said Cara first and didn't answer, so I took a chance.

12:15 Adam What's up, baby doll?

12:17 You know that sex show that comes on, like Oxygen, that old woman, you know? My friend, she was watching that and she heard something about guys having an A spot, you know how girls have a G spot?

12:32 Drew Yeah, that's total unadulterated BS.

12:35 Adam Where is it? What's the A spot?

12:36 Drew It's going to be something in the anus, I'm sure.

12:40 Caller Right? Yeah.

12:41 Orlando Jones I'm going to let you guys feel that way.

12:43 Drew That is why these shows are dangerous when people who don't have experience are giving advice about things they really don't understand. There are a few men walking the planet who do like that stimulation back there. They will let you know it.

12:56 Adam You don't have a spot.

12:56 Drew Never met that guy. Come on. Same names. Same name. Never met that guy.

13:02 Adam Tombo, whatever the tiger's name is.

13:03 Drew One of them. But there are those guys around, but they are rare. I mean rare. And if you start, I'm just tired.

13:10 Adam Me fits thou protest too much.

13:13 Drew No, no, no. I'm tired of this preoccupation with nonsense.

13:17 Adam You're the only guy on the planet who is allowed to talk about love, aren't you Drew?

13:20 Drew No, no, no. No, no, no.

13:21 Adam Interesting.

13:22 Drew No, she can't.

13:23 Orlando Jones How do you even ask for that? Look here baby, this might sound strange, but could you take the index finger?

13:29 Adam No, no, you don't.

13:30 Orlando Jones Touch my A's.

13:30 She said the index finger, like the two fingers, you're supposed to go up a little bit.

13:36 Drew Tara, forget it. You do that to a guy and he'll like bite you or sock you.

13:41 Orlando Jones I don't know. She sounds like she already tried. Tara, have you tried this already? No, no.

13:50 Adam Look, here's the reason why we don't have to explore any further than sex, because that's good enough for guys.

13:57 Drew Right, for men. Yes.

13:58 Adam It's no use. It's like saying, look, here's a Game Boy to play on the roller coaster. It's like, I'm going to enjoy this roller coaster. You know, here, here, use the Game Boy. And it's like, I don't want it. That's distracting.

14:10 Drew And if you need some sort of crazy stimulation in addition to sex, it means you're a trauma survivor.

14:15 Orlando Jones You're sending mixed messages. You're flip flopping.

14:17 Drew But usually, well, the flip flopping is there, but usually the trauma survivor will need like, you know, something like out of doors or voyeurism or something crazy. But that's it. That's a dysfunction. That's a problem. You're dressing up in a diaper or something where crazy, crazy stuff. And yeah, fine. God bless you. You want to do that. That's fine. But that's not, oh, every guy's got this. No, no, no, no.

14:37 Adam No. Well, here's what the popular wisdom is. There's a part in a man that the man doesn't know about. If you could just get at it with like a number two pencil, you would explode it with passion, like some sort of secret button that you're going to push. Believe me, it ain't there.

14:54 Drew Here's the if you really want a guy.

14:56 Adam Let us bang one of your friends.

14:57 Drew Another woman. That's the only thing.

15:00 Orlando Jones That's real. That's real.

15:03 Adam Yeah.

15:03 Orlando Jones With that.

15:03 Adam Yeah.

15:04 Drew We don't mean a threesome. Just just another one.

15:06 Adam My spot.

15:07 Orlando Jones My spot.

15:07 Adam It's in the vagina of your college roommates. Yeah. That's where my spot is.

15:12 Drew And they would be like, oh no. They don't want to hear that.

15:14 Adam They don't want to hear.

15:15 Drew They want to think in terms of there being a spot. They're trying to find themselves because things that no, no guys have no spots.

15:21 Adam No.

15:21 Drew It just works just fine. It's all single flavor.

15:24 Adam They want to do it. You want to do something nice though. I'll tell you. Like I'm trying to think like good, simple, whatever, uh, put a porn on and we'll get on with the porn.

15:33 Drew You know what else?

15:34 Adam Here's the other thing.

15:35 Drew He's the other thing. He's even easier. Actually be excited about having sex with your partner. That's a crazy idea right there.

15:42 Caller See if you can fake that.

15:44 Drew You being turned on.

15:45 Adam I mean, yeah, act turned on.

15:47 Drew Whatever, act or be. Whatever. That's.

15:49 Adam I only know what it's acting. Yeah. There you go. Show a little enthusiasm.

15:53 Drew Enthusiastic.

15:54 Orlando Jones That would be nice.

15:54 Drew That's what I'm talking about.

15:55 Adam But four finger up the rectum.

15:57 Drew That's enthusiasm. That's roundhouse.

15:59 Orlando Jones That's out of bounds. That's a step too far. That's right. That's R. Kelly right there. He was the guy who went a step too far. Let's get a bunch of girls. Oh, great. Some of them 13.

16:07 Caller Whoa.

16:07 Orlando Jones Pause. That's too far.

16:09 Caller Step too far.

16:10 Drew Sarah, 21.

16:11 Caller Too far.

16:12 Adam Still never done any time, has he? No.

16:14 Orlando Jones Not at all.

16:15 Adam He'll wait till the chicks are in the hit menopause before he actually does some community service.

16:20 Orlando Jones That's when we'll prosecute.

16:21 Adam Sarah? Sarah?

16:22 Hello?

16:22 Adam 21? Hi.

16:25 What's up? And I wanted to know like if you guys had any advice for me, like emotionally and sexually.

16:39 Adam She break up.

16:42 He tells me he loves me and he wants to marry me, like constantly, but then when it comes to like actually like, like he used to spend the night at my house like every night and now he hardly does, probably like two nights a week. I don't know.

16:57 Drew And what does he tell you the reason for that? Does he give you a reason for that?

17:00 Well, he works at night and so, I don't know, it seems like when I try to be like emotionally in our relationship that he keeps pushing it away and we have...

17:10 Drew Maybe he's one of these people that can't tolerate intimacy. Is he a trauma survivor? Was he abandoned when he was growing up or anything like that?

17:17 I don't think he was abandoned, but he, I don't know, things seem to be going like really good and then once we get like really close, I don't know, we used to have sex like at least one.

17:29 Caller Hold on a second.

17:30 Adam See, our listeners are callers actually. They're sort of like a...

17:35 Drew Listeners are different than callers.

17:37 Caller Oh, I pray they are. I got to pray they are.

17:42 Adam I'm not going outside tonight. You understand? I'm not going to get my car. They're sort of, our callers are like my dog when I put them in the pool and just hang on to them. And then once in a while you grab them and you sort of cradle them a little. And it's sort of like...

17:59 Drew Heading for the sun.

18:00 Adam So now, has this guy had any trauma in his life? I don't know, but we don't have sex like we would. You can keep asking whatever questions you're trying to and you just keep reiterating the part about not having sex.

18:18 Orlando Jones The only things I could think of were just too straightforward.

18:21 Adam What's the strategy, by the way, of telling a doctor the exact same thing you've told him three times for a fourth time when he asks another question?

18:28 Drew I know.

18:29 Adam You know what I'm saying?

18:30 Drew Oh, I know. Believe me, I know.

18:31 Adam Well, stop yelling at your patients, will you?

18:32 Orlando Jones Well, apparently, she thought you didn't understand. She needed to reiterate.

18:36 Drew That's all there was. She's not listening.

18:38 Adam Something's going on. Now, how long have you two been going out?

18:41 Caller About nine months.

18:44 Adam This thing's probably coasting to a stop.

18:46 Drew Well, how old is he? And she's twenty-one.

18:49 Adam Too old for you.

18:50 Drew Well, the thirty and twenty-one is not the kind of thing that usually sort of coasts to a shop in nine months, particularly the guy saying, I'm going to love you, I'm going to marry you. But it is the kind of thing where a guy at around six months gets so close, if he has difficulty tolerating intimacy, it's a problem. Is he extra close with his mom?

19:09 Adam We don't have sex.

19:14 Drew I understand. That's because he's one of these people. Write that down.

19:19 Adam Does have sex exactly how they used to?

19:21 Drew Not like they used to. They did and now not like they used to.

19:25 Adam So it's the same as it was.

19:27 Drew But not like they used to.

19:28 Orlando Jones Not like last. Well, before it was five times, the sixth time, now it's two times.

19:31 Drew No, now it's different.

19:32 Adam Now it's different.

19:37 Orlando Jones He's poking someone else, May.

19:39 Adam It's different. Keep going, Sarah.

19:42 Drew But Sarah, look, there are people on this earth that you seem not to really sort of be tuned in to understand that when they become close intimately, they pull back. It's a very common thing. And it's not a good thing. It's an unhealthy thing. But there are lots of people that can have sex with somebody new. But once intimacy develops, then it's like, whoa, whoa, this is too uncomfortable.

20:02 Adam I'm just saying, Sarah, listen, if you got a 30 year old, he's independent.

20:10 Orlando Jones What is it?

20:10 Drew Adam, different than it used to be. He's independent.

20:13 Adam He's independent. Look, here's the thing. If you show me a 30 year old guy who hooks up with a 21 year old chick and starts not coming around after about six months, I'll show you guys starting to head out. I'll show Orlando Jones.

20:26 Drew It means something. I don't know what he wanted. No, it means something.

20:30 Orlando Jones That was something else I was thinking of.

20:33 Drew We're going to assume he's not a sociopath and we're going to assume when he says, I love you, I want to marry you, he kind of means that.

20:38 Adam At the time.

20:39 Orlando Jones Yeah, I'm assuming that he just doesn't want her to go off and poke somebody else so he tells her what he thinks she wants to hear at the time.

20:44 Drew That's the bad guy. Bad guy. He's either a bad, bad guy or a guy that can't tolerate a relationship.

20:50 Orlando Jones Exactly. Either way, she deserves better.

20:52 Drew All right.

20:53 Adam Wait a second. So Sarah, do you live alone?

20:56 Yeah.

20:57 Adam OK, so what do you do? You strip?

21:01 No, I am a student and I have a part time job.

21:08 Adam Let's see. Junior college. You're in, buddy. San Marcos?

21:13 Drew How's that?

21:14 Adam She actually goes to school in Mexico.

21:15 Drew Oh, OK.

21:16 Adam She actually is going from San Diego. It's a small community college in Tijuana. The donkey actually teaches the sciences. It's a budo.

21:31 Drew I beg your pardon.

21:32 Adam The budo. The basketball stadium is a fan. And auditorium is a dumpster. It's been it's got one side missing. So you can get in there. Yeah. It's tough.

21:47 Orlando Jones A great business school.

21:48 Adam Great. People come from all over Chihuahua. Come as far as, yeah. Xtapa. Xtapa, Chihuahua, and Mexicali actually attend the great law school.

22:01 Orlando Jones I believe it.

22:01 Drew Yeah. So we're making fun of you because you're sort of stuck. You're not listening. The fact is, this guy is either not a good guy, a manipulative guy who's controlling you with sort of, I love you stuff, or he's a guy who says that it means it, but can't tolerate it. In either way, you are both. In either respect, Orlando's right. You do deserve better.

22:25 Adam All right. That's right. You're 21, baby. Top of the world.

22:28 Orlando Jones That's your whole life ahead of you.

22:29 Adam We'll take a little break.

22:31 Drew With our law degree from Chihuahua.

22:33 Adam Orlando Jones here tonight.

22:36 Drew San Marcos. San Marcos.

22:37 Adam San Marcos. From Father of the Pride, 9 o'clock on NBC, Tuesday nights. Take a quick break. Be right back after this.

22:44 Thank you for calling Loveline.

22:46 Caller Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

23:03 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Orlando Jones in studio tonight. Orlando can be found on Father of the Pride, Tuesday nights, NBC, 9 o'clock. And now it's time to play a little something we call Germany or Florida. Dave Navarro, by the way, in here tomorrow night, and then, ooh, Jeff Probst from Survivor.

23:34 Orlando Jones No, Jeff, he's a good guy.

23:35 Adam Good guy. Looks good in that choker.

23:39 Orlando Jones Yeah, that's a manly, sexy thing, a choker.

23:42 Adam He's one of these guys who's just built for the shirts that have the pockets with the little flat button over the top, you know, and the sleeves that roll up.

23:50 Drew It looks like you should be permanently on safari. Right?

23:53 Adam It was just built to be on safari.

23:54 Drew Yeah. Traveling.

23:56 Adam Yeah.

23:56 Drew The gentleman traveler.

23:57 Adam I'm trying to think of, you know, the sort of, the keys to being built for being on safari. You know what you need? You need nice forearms. Number one. You need like a little veiny, bulgy forearms because the sleeves are always rolled up. And that's the part of you that's sort of sticking out.

24:13 Drew Lean forearms.

24:15 Orlando Jones And the shirt needs to be a small or medium. No large is extra large.

24:18 Drew Not too big a differential between the waist and the shoulder.

24:21 Adam No, you don't have to, here's what you need for safari. You don't need a lot of shoulder, back and chest.

24:27 Drew Yeah.

24:27 Adam You don't need the big traps or the big delts or the lats. You need nice forearm and a nice calf and you need a chiseled chin.

24:34 Orlando Jones You've thought about this.

24:35 Adam Yeah, I thought about it.

24:36 Drew Way too much.

24:37 Adam You know why? Because you're going to be wearing that rawhide choker and if you have like a double chin, the choker just looks like hell. Looks like it's literally choking you. Yeah. So you need nice cleft in your chin, little forearm and some calf would be nice.

24:52 Orlando Jones And a tan. You got to throw that in.

24:54 Adam You got to have a tan.

24:55 Orlando Jones Like a shark's tooth.

24:56 Adam A shark's tooth would be nice.

24:58 Orlando Jones I'm waiting for him to do next year with a loin cloth on.

25:01 Adam It'd be nice.

25:01 Orlando Jones His first kill.

25:02 Drew He's getting it real.

25:03 Adam Yeah.

25:03 Orlando Jones Then he'd be representing and keeping it real.

25:05 Drew Germany for Florida was premiered on national television last week.

25:09 Adam On the Late Late Show when I was hosting that for a few days. And now it's coming back to its home on radio. Jackie? Year 14? What's up?

25:20 Drew Wait, wait, wait. Explain to Orlando how this works.

25:22 Adam I forgot. I'm sorry. I got going on Jeff Probst. The blood started going to my groin. You know, I started talking about the choker. All right, all right. Survivor fan. Big volcano eruption this week on Survivor, by the way.

25:36 Orlando Jones Are we talking about your pants or are we talking about? I'm just trying to be clear.

25:39 Adam There's going to be some.

25:40 Orlando Jones Survivor.

25:40 Adam There's going to be some magma flowing down my leg when he comes in here. Oh, yes.

25:45 Orlando Jones Walking away.

25:46 Adam The, yes, Germany, Florida. All bizarre stories, all the macabre, all the occult, all the people cutting their toes off, frying it up and eating it. Violence. Comes from either Germany or Florida. Gotcha. So we hear the story and then we guess. Is it Germany or Florida?

26:02 Orlando Jones Gotcha.

26:04 Adam Go ahead, Jackie.

26:05 OK. An actress was taken to the hospital after a man injured her breast while trying to cut open her bra with a chainsaw during rehearsal for a show. It was the worst moment of my life. I thought I was going to die. The woman, who was also a former porn star, told a newspaper. The chainsaw operator said she was lying down during the rehearsal and suddenly bent forward just as he was applying the saw to her bra.

26:26 Adam All right. So this is like an act, like a sideshow act. We're going to take the...

26:31 Drew She's got to be huge. Otherwise, the chainsaw would actually cut her sternum.

26:35 Adam Hit her sternum.

26:35 Drew So she's got to be, like, circus top. Big gal.

26:38 We're macaw.

26:40 Drew Big gal.

26:41 Adam I felt Florida to me.

26:43 Drew I felt Florida for the girl.

26:48 Orlando Jones I go to Germany.

26:49 Adam You go to Germany? Drew, what are you saying?

26:51 Drew I can't figure it out. Does Germany have weird sideshow porn?

26:54 Adam Yeah.

26:54 Orlando Jones I can see Germany having the weird side show.

26:56 Drew Florida doesn't have weird shows like that, do they?

26:58 Adam I think they do, yeah.

26:59 Drew Do they?

26:59 Adam I think they do.

27:00 Drew I cannot decide.

27:01 Orlando Jones You know, I'm just not into fat porn, so I have to hope that it was Germany.

27:05 Adam Well, she could be.

27:06 Orlando Jones She's big. You didn't cut her sternum.

27:08 Drew No, but maybe silicone-type, you know, Minka-style.

27:12 Adam But don't try to talk Orlando out of it.

27:14 Drew Well, I'm just trying to reason this through here.

27:15 Adam I'm going Florida. Orlando's going Germany.

27:18 Orlando Jones I'll go Florida.

27:19 Adam It's ironic that Orlando would go Germany and Adam would go Florida. We need some guy named, like, Helmut, who goes Florida here just to sort of equal out the irony. So what do you got, Drew?

27:32 Drew Florida.

27:32 Adam Florida. Stop being such a puss and going with me all the time.

27:36 Caller You're always right.

27:38 Drew I'm just going with the odds.

27:39 Adam All right, Jackie. I drew and I are Florida, Orlando is Germany. Go ahead.

27:46 It's Germany. Oh, ha ha.

27:49 Drew We have not been wrong a long time.

27:50 Adam You're wrong twice by saying C when she just says Adam and Drew. Do you understand how bad your instincts are? C, you're wrong. Horrible.

28:00 Orlando Jones I tell you, smell Germany.

28:01 Drew Wow.

28:02 Orlando Jones Hey, I work with Six Feet of Roy, man.

28:04 Adam Orlando Jones knows.

28:06 Drew It makes sense in retrospect. In this country, you couldn't get away with dangerous stuff like that.

28:10 Adam No, yes, you could.

28:11 Drew Chainsaw, getting close to somebody's body with it, legal liabilities and blah, blah, blah.

28:16 Adam No, no, no, no. You can do crazy circus acts. It's like a circus thing. You could do that. I thought about that. But they do like knife throwing and stuff like that.

28:25 Drew They've come a long way from the clowns crawling that little car.

28:27 Orlando Jones What happened to the lady with the mustache, you know what I mean?

28:30 Adam She's got the bra on and she's getting a chainsaw.

28:33 Orlando Jones She upgraded that. Well, hey, hats off to her.

28:35 Drew Let's take another one. Let's do it again. One more time.

28:37 Adam Okay.

28:40 Yes?

28:40 Adam Twenty-eight. Go ahead.

28:42 Hi. Really quickly, I just want to say I'm a really big fan. The last time I called in, I was 18 and I'm 28 now. So, that's how long I've been listening. Wow. I know.

28:52 Adam Drew was like 55.

28:54 Drew Yeah.

28:56 Emergency medical technicians summoned to the home of a grossly overweight woman and had the usual problems with removing her inadequate stretcher and doorways too small. But there was a much more serious concern for the one 480 pound woman. She had not budged from her couch in several years and its covering had become grafted onto her skin requiring her to be transported while on the couch to the hospital. The couch had to later be surgically removed.

29:28 Drew I've seen cases like that. I heard of it at the hospital. Yeah, where the springs get embedded in the back and you find animals living in them.

29:34 Adam No, man. I had that when I was effing a bean bag in high school. But it was different.

29:38 Drew It was embedded in your prostate.

29:40 Adam Well, it wasn't all just... It was messy.

29:44 Drew You made a cement.

29:46 Adam We had to soak it off.

29:47 Drew I see.

29:48 Adam It was very uncomfortable. I don't know why my stepmother had to preside over the whole thing.

29:53 Drew How embarrassing.

29:53 Adam Very uncomfortable.

29:54 Drew Florida. EMT. I don't think EMT goes to Germany to me.

30:00 Adam You mean they don't call it an EMT?

30:01 Drew I don't think they call it an EMT.

30:02 Adam Maybe they would translate it that way.

30:04 Drew Maybe they would.

30:04 Adam All right.

30:06 Drew I've heard of these things going on in the US.

30:07 Adam We're all going to Florida, although 480, I don't believe morbidly obese in Florida. I believe they would call that fit. Yes.

30:16 Oh, you're right. All right.

30:17 Adam We're going to Florida, Casey. Yes.

30:21 Drew Wait, no, wait. Last answer?

30:23 Adam Yes.

30:23 Drew Final answer.

30:26 Would you like any lifelines, anyone?

30:28 Adam No. Florida.

30:30 So you're one for one now. This evening it is Florida.

30:33 Drew There we go.

30:33 Adam All right. Well, I'm one for two, actually. And so is Drew.

30:38 Drew One win, one loss.

30:41 Adam Yeah, I know. But you would call it one for two.

30:43 Orlando Jones One for two.

30:44 Caller One for one would be.

30:45 You're one and one, I should say.

30:48 Orlando Jones That's right.

30:48 Caller There you go.

30:49 Adam That's right. Orlando, don't ever forget that.

30:52 Caller Yeah, yeah.

30:53 Caller Make that clear.

30:58 Adam All right.

30:59 Drew Yes, please.

31:01 Adam Some hot lesbian action going up here. Nicole?

31:04 Drew Yeah.

31:05 Adam You're 19?

31:08 Drew What's up? My son's baseball team played a Santa Margarita team today.

31:12 Adam I'm not going to explain that, Drew. You're going to have to explain.

31:15 Drew Santa Margarita is where Nicole's calling from. It's part of Orange County.

31:19 Adam That's enough.

31:19 Drew Behind the orange curtain.

31:20 Adam You just have to explain that one part. That's why you're bringing it up. It's all right. Maybe in your 2050 year of radio, you'll figure that out.

31:28 Drew 30.

31:29 Adam Nicole?

31:30 Yeah.

31:31 Adam You're 19. You're calling from Santa Margarita.

31:34 Caller Yes. What happened was...

31:37 Drew Oh, wait a minute, Nicole.

31:39 Orlando Jones First of all, yes, what happened was...

31:41 Drew Hold on a second. Did you hear that?

31:42 Caller Oh, yeah.

31:43 Drew You heard that?

31:44 Caller Yeah.

31:45 Drew Let's give that another 20 seconds or so.

31:48 Caller No, I got it.

31:50 Adam I timed it at that, it was at 35 or 36, so that means it'll be coming in about a minute.

31:57 Caller Seven.

31:58 Drew Here we go.

31:59 Caller No, no, we got a few seconds.

32:01 Drew We got six seconds.

32:02 Caller Three, two, one, go.

32:10 Drew Yeah, maybe it's... Maybe it's the 35 second thing.

32:14 Caller There it is.

32:14 Adam All right, so that was 13. All right, hold on. I got to pace this now, one went off at 36, the other one off at 113, so that's 47.

32:27 Drew Yeah.

32:27 Caller Is that 47?

32:28 Drew I got a little extra to the map.

32:29 Adam Yeah, it's 47.

32:30 Caller That's 47.

32:31 Adam Okay, so 47 on to 113 then is...

32:37 Drew But you stopped the clock.

32:38 Caller Two. Oh, oh, oh.

32:41 Drew See?

32:41 Caller Well, wait a minute.

32:42 Adam No, this one will work.

32:43 Caller I'm looking at the wrong one. Oh, man.

32:45 Adam Oh, man, we're all over the place now.

32:47 Drew But, Nicole. Yeah. There it is. 22. It was 22. 22, so it'll be...

32:55 Adam 22. All right.

32:57 Drew 17 next time, right?

32:58 Adam I have 36. One off at... No, no, this is a longer one. This is a longer one. This one's 47 seconds. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. I'm saying this thing...

33:09 Drew So this will be 109.

33:11 Adam This thing should be 109. All right, we're just looking at the clock here and trying to pace. That's her smoke alarm, by the way. That's her. That's her low battery. Now, get closer to it. We're gonna call...

33:22 Caller Everybody thinks it's a bird.

33:24 Drew Yeah, well...

33:25 Adam Those are your stone friends.

33:27 Drew Yeah, what kind of people you have visiting? Oh, there it was again. They came early that time.

33:30 Adam Yeah, well, no, they don't change. Uh-oh. No, no, there's not two of them. You don't have two of them going on. She was at 22. No, we're at 38. We're at 38. They're always between 33 and, like, 45.

33:44 Caller All right.

33:44 Adam Let's just wait till the next one. This one would write it too. This one's got to go at 238.

33:50 Caller All right.

33:51 Adam Let's see if we can count this down. Are you there, Nicole? Yeah. Are you right underneath your smoke detector?

33:56 Caller Yeah, it's right there. Shh, shh, shh, shh.

33:58 Caller All right.

33:58 Drew But don't talk. All right.

34:02 Caller Five, four, three, two.

34:06 Adam Second off.

34:07 Caller Yeah, we heard.

34:07 Drew We know it just went off.

34:08 Adam All right. Now, here's for the comedy. Here's for the... And hold on a second, Nicole. Now, here's where the comedy comes. I'm telling you, Orlando, people live in these houses. The smoke detector is not in the entry hall.

34:21 Drew It's probably in her bedroom.

34:22 Adam Or the foyer. It is in the master bedroom. Or where she's sleeping. Or in their bedroom, oftentimes. And the average amount of time the thing has been going off is several months.

34:33 Drew Three to six months.

34:34 Adam Yeah. Now, this thing is over your bed. It's chirping so audibly that I don't really even need these headphones to hear it. I think if she opened her window, she's in Orange County with a nice offshore breeze, we could hear it. And it is going on month number five this way. And I've said to Drew many times, this would drive a reptile insane. Do you understand? If you had a pet snake, it would go nuts. It would eventually just stand up and start, call her the C word and then yell, I'm going insane, you see?

35:13 How about getting a goddamn effing nine battery, you see?

35:19 Adam Don't make me slink to the 7-Eleven and get it myself, you see? You realize that? I claim more animal than person if you can sleep in that room.

35:30 Drew Yes, yes. On the other hand, the case I made for you, Adam, the skill that you don't have is that unique ability to screen one's environment. That takes an amazing amount of skill.

35:41 Adam But it's an interesting thing that it resides on both ends of the human spectrum. The yogis who found such an enlightenment that they could actually light themselves on fire and see no pain.

35:54 Drew She's getting closer to that.

35:55 Adam And then the borderline junior college tards that call this show, both at the spectrum of not noticing anything. Now I feel no pain.

36:03 Drew That's the amygdala. The amygdala can be, it's pre-wired.

36:06 Adam Nicole could walk on flaming sand, right?

36:09 Drew The amygdala screens things out of your nervous system and it screens out for novelty in the environment. So if you're not able to appreciate novelty, well, you won't hear that beep every few minutes because there's no difference in the beep and the non-beep.

36:23 Adam Wow, Nicole. Nicole, I'm impressed. How long has that thing been chirping?

36:28 Caller Well, I mean, like when I first moved in here, it was, it does that, but, and I just, I don't even notice it anymore because my dad's did that too.

36:38 Caller Oh, by the way, hold on.

36:43 Adam Wow.

36:46 Orlando Jones Did you hear Pandora's Boxes?

36:49 Drew She was born into a house with a chirping smoke detector. She moved into this house with a smoking smoke detector. Therefore, in 19 years.

36:58 Adam We call those legacies. She's a prodigy.

37:03 Drew Oh, my God.

37:03 Adam She's a tardigy.

37:04 Orlando Jones If you meet another guy who has a smoking, a beeping smoke detector, marry him right there.

37:08 Drew Did you get all that information? Well, first of all, hold on.

37:12 Adam This is the coup de grace because this hasn't been going on for six weeks. This was happening when she moved in and has not been corrected. And by the way, this is another thing I've learned from now living with a woman. There's something about women which is if they can't reach it, it ain't getting done. I mean, they stick their hand up and as high as they can get their hand. That's where it is. There's no concept of getting here's why they don't do the smoke detector because they can't reach the ceiling. Women do not have the ladder concept at all. Guys, nothing but ladder. Half the guys over 50 die from falling off the ladder. No woman ever dies from falling off the ladder. Whenever you talk about one of your dad's friends, well, what happened? He said, huh, she seems to have cleaned in the gutters.

37:59 Caller Felt the ladder.

38:01 Adam Yeah, landed on it. Oh, I've heard. I got a friend. Guy landed and then like rolled into the pool. They found him. Guys die on ladders every day. No woman has ever died on a ladder. Ever. Ever.

38:14 Drew Yeah, you're right.

38:16 Adam They have women firemen. What do they do? Do they sit in the truck?

38:19 Drew At 50, they stop.

38:20 Adam They can't get above the ladder. No chick will ever go up and get anything off the ceiling. Nicole? Yeah. And by the way, they could see a spider the size of a tarantula just crawling around and seeing they just sit there and watch it. They can't do anything. It's a guy's job. Got to go up there and get it.

38:37 Drew Nicole, how long have you been living in that house or that apartment?

38:41 Caller For about three, three or four weeks. About a month.

38:44 Adam Three or four weeks. And the thing was chirping when you moved in.

38:47 Caller Yeah, I asked my roommate to get it fixed, but she just, you know, she she that's that's not a lot.

38:54 Yeah.

38:54 Drew Get it fixed.

38:55 Right.

38:56 Drew You understand it doesn't need to be fixed.

38:57 Adam It's not broken.

38:57 Drew It's working fine.

38:58 Caller It's it's replaced the battery.

39:00 Adam The fact that you can hear it is means it's working. It's letting you know.

39:04 Drew It's telling you the battery is low.

39:05 Caller I don't even want it, though, because, like, I smoke in my room and there's no point in it. It doesn't go off when I smoke.

39:10 Drew Yeah.

39:10 Adam Right.

39:11 Drew Batteries low.

39:11 Adam But it's made. It's made not to go off for stuff like cigarette smoke, you understand. Otherwise, it just be going off all the time. And by the way, Nicole, do you want it going off when you smoke?

39:21 Drew Every time we ask a question, we get an explanation.

39:24 Caller Yeah.

39:24 Adam How about you get a 9-volt battery and replace it?

39:27 Orlando Jones That's crazy.

39:29 Caller No, no, no.

39:30 Orlando Jones Leave it like it is.

39:30 Caller Let it be.

39:31 Caller We got the whole entertainment center. What's that?

39:35 Drew What?

39:35 Adam Oh, you can step on the entertainment center?

39:38 Caller Don't need a ladder.

39:39 Orlando Jones That's true. Just balance off the TV.

39:42 Drew What am I supposed to do with that information? I don't know. I don't even make it then.

39:44 Adam Nicole, we've got to take a little break.

39:47 Caller All right.

39:48 Adam I'll tell you what we're going to do. We're going to break the second the thing chirps again, all right?

39:52 Drew And then we're actually going to return for your question.

39:54 Adam Yeah, because it's a hot lesbian question.

39:57 Caller All right.

39:58 Adam So.

39:58 Orlando Jones Is it your roommate? Don't answer.

40:00 Caller Hold that thought.

40:02 Caller We're going to break. You ready, Chris? When you hear the chirp, Orlando Jones in the night.

40:06 Drew I want to hear a very lively outro. Hold on, Nicole, relax.

40:16 Caller There it goes.

40:20 Drew Hello.

40:21 Caller This is your radio.

40:24 Drew Drew.

40:25 Caller Yeah.

40:25 Adam What are women most attracted to?

40:27 Confident guys.

40:28 Adam That's right. You can't buy that confidence. At least you couldn't until now.

40:32 Drew What do we got?

40:33 Adam You got Axe deodorant, body spray.

40:35 Drew Oh, my God.

40:35 Adam Spray that on, it's like slathering on the confidence. Hey, everybody. That's Dr. Drew, Dave Navarro in here tomorrow night, Orlando Jones in tonight, Father of the Pride, name of his latest project, which is Tuesday Nights on NBC on at nine o'clock. All right. When we left our screen and Nicole, Nicole's I'm just going to pop in to see when that smoke alarm chirps again. We're obsessing on a smoke alarm and neglecting her very important question. But quickly on the smoke alarm one more time, I was saying to Orlando during the break, I was saying, you there, Nicole, by the way, Nicole?

41:22 Caller There we are.

41:23 Adam You standing by the smoke alarm? Sit tight for a second.

41:29 Caller There we go.

41:30 Adam I was saying to Orlando during the break, I said, could you imagine if you're designing?

41:35 Drew No, we lose the timer then.

41:38 Adam I got it. Imagine if you're the company, your first alert or Coleman or the company that is actually manufacturing or you're part of the board that decides the criteria for manufacturing things. So it's like, well, here's the deal. It's got three years battery life, it has to have such and such a decibel siren and such and such other criteria. What if the battery is going low? Well, it's got to be a 110 decibel chirp that goes off in no more than 40 second intervals and people must have been going, oh, that'll send people running to the liquor store to get batteries. This would be impossible to ignore.

42:16 Drew In fact, we could get into liability from causing people emotional distress.

42:21 Adam Yeah, it's essentially like someone pulling a diesel truck horn every 30 seconds in your bedroom. I mean, there's no, but here's the thing. It's like when they're breeding roach spray and they said, this stuff will kill a rhino. But then a few generations later, roaches started driving on this stuff. We've outbred humans for this. Do you understand? Now we've bred a human that is not bothered by the 120 decibel chirp that goes off every 30 seconds.

42:50 Orlando Jones It proves my theory that if it happens long enough, Americans can get used to anything. Remember when the homeless was like a problem? All of a sudden, that's no longer a problem. We didn't worry about that. There was a homeless guy who was outside my office and every day I talked to him like he lives somewhere. I'm like, hey, how you doing? How you doing?

43:06 Drew But the problem is, for 10 years we were arguing that homeless people were just regular people that ran out of money.

43:12 Adam Oh, it's always the same ramp. This guy was a work for a defense contractor. He was an agent. He was a metalurgist. No, no, no. That's not what I'm saying. We were doing the rap where this guy, he has a family, he had a great job, he was working for Northrup until they closed the factory and then all of a sudden he smells of Boone's Farm and he defecates in his pants. No, no. These are drug addicts.

43:41 Drew And people with very serious mental disorders.

43:44 Adam Yeah, yeah, these are guys who got laid off over at Grumman Northrup, you know what I'm saying?

43:49 Drew Yeah, so those people find a way back to work and back to a place to live.

43:53 Adam By the way, why must we do that as a society? And I know that's mostly the left wing that does that kind of crap where this guy's a hard working family man, after 30 strong years of working for GM, he gets laid off, pow, he's in the street. And by the way, you worked for, you got a gig for 30 years and you get fired on a Monday and a Wednesday, you're living out of your car, you're picking out the dumpster, you're not doing a good job of financial management.

44:18 Drew It's again the BS of the press, that they don't ask the right questions and they believe whatever's on the surface and then they project that under the satellites and that's the story.

44:27 Adam People who are on the street are drug addicts or they have mental disorders or both. And I don't know what percentage of them are factory guys that have been laid off or good God-fearing family men, I'm going way less than 1%.

44:40 Orlando Jones I don't know what factory there is in Beverly Hills but I know there's a lot of homeless dudes hanging out.

44:44 Caller Yeah, well the weather's got good climate out here.

44:48 Adam Alright, so Nicole, yeah, gotta figure out this question. So Nicole, you got high.

44:54 Drew What do you mean got high? You mean smoke pot?

44:56 Caller We were smoking chronic.

44:58 Adam Oh, chronic.

44:59 Orlando Jones I'm not confused with ebionic.

45:01 Adam Alright, and you gave oral to your girl roommate?

45:05 Caller Yes. Well, because she was telling me that she misses this guy who did it so good and whatnot. And she was like, you should leave because I'm going to please myself. And I was like, I was going to say something and she was like, what are you going to say? I was like, let me know if you need help. And she's like, alright, go yell at the kids and then come back and then maybe.

45:27 Drew Yell at the kids? Wait, wait, wait.

45:28 Orlando Jones Whoa, whoa, whoa.

45:30 Drew Go what?

45:31 Caller She has two kids.

45:33 They're like my godkids.

45:35 Orlando Jones Oh, OK. Rock on. By the way, my girlfriend is out of town. I'm getting ready to go please myself. They better hope nothing happens.

45:43 Adam They better hope nothing happens to her.

45:46 Drew Reiterate that, Adam.

45:47 Adam I said, they better hope nothing happens to her. By the way, a whole new generation of people immune to the smoke detector chirp. These kids are living in the house? Or an apartment. They're living in the apartment with you? By the way, hold on a second. We are breeding, that's what I'm talking about, we're breeding generations of, you know when this is going to happen, when, here's the thing, companies now who manufacture smoke detectors, low battery, a big scissor arm with a boxing glove is going to have to come down and whack you on the head. Because the chirp, you think these kids are going to mind the chirp? These kids aren't going to be able to go to bed without the chirp. Do you understand, with these guys in their thirties, they're going to have a smoke detector with a low battery on their nightstands when they get to bed.

46:32 Drew They're going to have smoke detector machines instead of the wave machines, like rain.

46:36 Orlando Jones The relaxation sounds. The sounds of the ocean, the rainforest, and a smoke detector.

46:43 Adam All right.

46:44 Drew Again. We're never going to get Nicole's face.

46:46 Adam Hold on a second.

46:48 Drew Oh my gosh.

46:48 Adam This is, by the way, albino white trash activity that's going on here. Two kids, huh?

46:57 Drew They're young.

46:59 Adam Oh, okay.

46:59 Caller Well, though.

47:00 Drew Oh, that makes it much better. Much better, Nicole. Okay.

47:02 Caller They'll be fine. All right.

47:03 Adam Hold on a second. By the way, smoke detectors there to detect smoke so your kids don't burn in a...

47:10 Drew Thank you.

47:11 Adam Orlando Jones here tonight. He's both amused and disgusted. We will take a quick break. We'll get right back with Nicole for another hour or so, and then it's going to go into Ronnie's show to see who's going to talk to her.

47:24 All right.

47:25 Adam Right after this.

47:26 Here it is.

47:27 Caller Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

47:29 Tons of lame people and no decent prospect.

47:32 Caller Call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE. Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready.

47:45 This hour brought to you in part by Axe.

47:48 Caller Experience the Axe Effect.

48:18 Caller Hey now.

48:18 Caller Here tonight.

48:18 Caller All right.

48:20 Adam Nine o'clock Tuesdays on NBCs, where you can find Father of the Pride and Dave Navarro in here tomorrow night. He can be found inside Carmen Electra as we speak, but he's gonna come in here, and I don't know what he's plugging, but Carmen Electra. But we're gonna find out tomorrow night. Good guy. We like him.

48:43 Drew He's got nipples, though.

48:44 Adam Nipple rings.

48:45 Drew Yeah, you don't like that. You don't want him watching you.

48:47 Adam I don't like, if a guy wants to wear nipple rings because it's its own sort of fetish and he wants to do it with his old lady in the bedroom, whatever, that's fine. I don't like the nipple ring guys when they're struttin around.

49:00 Drew With the shirt off.

49:01 Adam Shirt off. Forcing you to sort of focus on their nipples. Hey, yeah. Oh, yeah. I find it intrusive.

49:09 Drew It has to be both or either.

49:11 Adam One is bad and then two though, it's not twice as bad, it's three times as bad. I don't know why that is.

49:17 Orlando Jones Two puts, because it doesn't get anywhere else to look.

49:19 Drew Right, you can look at the one without the nipple.

49:21 Adam Yeah, now it's like I gotta focus on his junk. There's nowhere else to look. Yeah. And it's one of these things too where, is a society, we laid out some rules and we didn't know that the people were gonna do f'd up things to themselves. So I was like, well, okay, women can't walk around topless, but now I'm staring at man nipple with the rings. You know what I mean? So it's like, I'm an atheist. So here's what I get. No boobs and a guy with a bone through his goddamn nose and the nipple rings. And for me, because I'm an atheist and I don't really subscribe to any retarded pie in the sky stuff, it's just flat out worse. I get nothing now. I get no boob and a dude with a quarter through his nipple. That's what I get.

50:04 Caller Quarter?

50:05 Adam Quarter. Yeah, just twisted and shoved through. Nice.

50:09 Caller All right.

50:10 Orlando Jones Twisted and shoved through.

50:11 Caller I like it.

50:13 Adam Can we, here's all I'm saying. Is there a place where sort of a normal, right-thinking atheist could live, like a place where I could buy a lighter, cigarette lighter that I didn't have to use two hands to get lit?

50:28 Orlando Jones I know a place with two lesbians and a smoke detective.

50:30 Drew That don't bother.

50:31 Caller We can talk to them.

50:32 Drew That's right.

50:32 Orlando Jones I'm just suggesting maybe there's a place to hang out.

50:35 Adam Nicole?

50:36 Drew Yeah.

50:37 Adam Okay, so you went down on your roommate.

50:40 Drew Who has two kids, which are, who are what age? What age are the kids?

50:43 Caller Four and seven.

50:45 Drew Fabulous. And what was you yelled at them at your roommate's behest?

50:49 Caller She yelled at them.

50:51 Caller They were in my room messing up stuff and I just, I was like, get out.

50:56 Drew Right, get out so you could go down on their mom.

50:59 Caller No, I didn't even, like, I didn't even think it was gonna happen. It was, I don't know why, I like.

51:03 Drew Yeah, but you sent them out of the bedroom. Where did you send them?

51:06 Caller Where did they go?

51:07 Caller They were in my bedroom.

51:07 Caller We were in her bedroom.

51:08 Adam Well, they could have went to the squash corridor, the library, wherever. There's a big apartment, Drew.

51:13 Caller Where did they go?

51:15 Adam High vaulted ceilings.

51:16 Drew The living room. By themselves.

51:19 Adam One of those ladders with the wheels on it.

51:20 Drew A four to seven year old, unattended alone.

51:23 Adam Oh, please, they're fine. They got SpongeBob. They took that to TV. They're cool.

51:27 Orlando Jones Yeah, yeah, she taped Father the Pride for them to watch while that was going on.

51:31 Adam She taped that and then taped them to the sofa.

51:33 Drew All right, then what happened?

51:36 Adam All right, so you went down on your roommate. She's older, I'm hoping.

51:41 Caller Yeah, she's 26.

51:43 Adam 26, all right. All right, and where's the father of these children?

51:49 Caller They actually had two separate fathers. One's in Miami and the other one's, and he's around here.

51:56 Drew One's in Florida, that's a shocking revelation.

51:58 Adam It is shocking that first these were sired by two different men. And B, I'm now flabbergasted that one of them resides in Dade County somewhere. I am flabbergasted. All right, so just when you think you know people, Drew, pow, you get blindsided.

52:13 Drew Shocking.

52:14 Adam All right, I would have assumed, I would have thought for sure it was one guy and he was in Israel. You know, but I-

52:23 Drew Marin County.

52:24 Adam One of them's in Florida.

52:25 Drew Marin County.

52:25 Adam Cannot believe it.

52:27 Orlando Jones I'm so glad you're not black, Nicole.

52:32 Drew All right, so anyway, what's the deal? What's happening?

52:35 Adam All right, so you went down on her and now what?

52:37 Drew What's the question?

52:39 Caller I just, I want to know like, I want to know how to be around her because like, lately, like she won't even look at me, like we talk, but she doesn't want to talk to me.

52:47 Drew She doesn't want to look at me. Are you a lesbian?

52:49 Caller Yeah.

52:51 Drew Are you in love with her?

52:55 Adam I think she's cute.

52:56 Caller Like she's really pretty, but that's it.

52:57 Adam Wow, that one scared me. Well, I'll tell you what, why don't, why don't you have a joke with her about it? I mean, do you think she wants to do more of it?

53:07 Drew No. I think she's uncomfortable, but listen, it's why you don't violate boundaries with people that you have to live with. There are certain-

53:17 Caller Oh, I know. And somebody said the exact same thing.

53:20 Drew All right, well listen, try to restore the boundaries and make it clear to her, I'm not gonna ask any more of you. We all want things the way it was before. We have to live together in this house. Let's agree we're not gonna do this anymore. And you have to agree to that. Clearly your girlfriend or your roommate has got very poor and porous boundaries and she's somebody who sort of can't say no to things. And that's one of those people that's easily persuaded and easily manipulated. You gotta lay off.

53:46 Adam Try to convince her not to crap out any more kids for the love of Christ, would you please? Okay.

53:52 Orlando Jones Is her ma'am back in town?

53:55 Caller She doesn't really see them.

54:00 Orlando Jones Oh, okay. He's not the father of any of the kids.

54:04 Adam Huh?

54:05 Orlando Jones He's not the father of any of the kids. He's a new guy. The guy that was out of town that...

54:10 Caller No, there's one of them. One is the father, but he treats them both the same.

54:14 Orlando Jones Got you, got.

54:20 Adam One kid will be a doctor, the other will be a lawyer. That's my prediction. All right. And really, there's no correlation between crackpot, half-lesbo, nut job, sitting out kids, and same families doing it. No correlation in terms of the child's success.

54:35 Drew No, in terms of the child's happiness, mental health, all that is irrelevant, Adam. How dare you?

54:39 Adam Zero.

54:39 Drew How dare you?

54:41 Adam Yeah, let me say something, Sunday night, I'm always in here and POs.

54:45 Drew We've had two nights of sleep.

54:47 Adam Two nights of sleep, coming in with a fresh battery and pissed off. I heard, who's the mayor of this crappy city? James Hahn? Yeah, Hahn has a plan, by the way, for speeding up traffic. By the way, he's announcing he's going to synchronize some signals and get Wilshire moving or something like that. First off, when did the traffic problem hit? Was that over the summer or has it been 40 years? By the way, you got a plan? That's interesting. What else you got a plan for? Oh, you got something? Oh, terrorism? You got something for that? Or what about the smog? You got a plan? Oh, interesting. So he's now going to start doing something. But I just, as I was driving through my 50 500 Red Arrow this weekend, by the way, times two. Oh, and Burbank. That's my favorite place to do it. Here's what I've realized. And it's been a while, so I got to get people going with this campaign or they're going to forget about it. Orlando, you can do it. You can be one of my celebrity arrow runners. Everybody, please drive through the Red Arrows when your signal is green.

55:59 Drew Yield, yield to oncoming traffic.

56:02 Adam Yes. But drive through the arrow, if it is clear, no pedestrians, no oncoming traffic, turn left just as you did or could have done at the intersection before that that had no arrow.

56:15 Drew Or before they put the GD arrow in that intersection.

56:18 Adam That's right. Now, let me tell you something. It's tough to drive through your first five and people are freaked out. I don't want to do it. Drive through it and you realize you're home free. It is it is that there's nothing there. It's just air you're pushing through and your home twice as fast. I drive through every goddamn one of them because why should I sit there and rot away waiting for your stupid arrow? And here's the other thing, too. I just I go I drive I go I go out of my mind in this city. First off, there. Yeah. Han is going to get the Fairfax and what? How about a little campaign? And we do nothing but campaigns. But let me tell you what Los Angeles does. Los Angeles is doesn't Los Angeles has a lot of idiots from around the world and around the country moving to it. And we spend millions of dollars begging people that don't speak a lick English not to fall asleep on train tracks. That is our big thing. Like, hey, yeah, if the if the if the arm goes down and the lights are flashing and there's a tollgate that pop, don't run the barrier and run into the blue line.

57:24 Orlando Jones The train is going 60 miles an hour, like somebody who's like, you know, armed and suicidal. That problem is going to take care of itself.

57:30 Adam It seems like it, too. We do. We have lots of campaigns trying to get people not to climb over barbed wire fences and nap on train tracks. That kind of stuff.

57:39 Orlando Jones After two or three of them die, we got a lot of the message will be out.

57:42 Adam We got a lot. We got a big campaign about, yeah, Fourth of July. Yeah, don't don't put an M 80 up your rectum and again, fall asleep on the train tracks. Could you not do that? We have unlimited funds for that. But there's no campaign that says shake your ass. Hey, hey, here's a campaign I'd like since everybody in Southern California comes from either another state or another country where evidently it's illegal to turn right on a red. How about a campaign that says, guess what? It's legal here. How about that? How about we let everybody who's a visitor and I'm behind all you every day when I try to get to my crappy job. And I know you come from New Jersey and it's illegal that I don't know why, but it's illegal where you're from. And by the way, let me say this. Now I'm really angry. If you're in another state, if you're in another state and there's something that's legal here and it's not legal in your state, you got to take a look at it because everything is illegal here. Hallelujah. Imagine the shame of being in a state. And that's all I would say, by the way, if I was in New Jersey and I was trying to get right turns, come on, I'd say, hey, guess what? The fags in California are doing it. Are you kidding me? You kidding me? They got a law? We got a law they don't have? Put a gun in your mouth.

58:59 Orlando Jones Testify.

59:00 Adam It's a law that we have that they don't have because they got every goddamn law there is.

59:04 Orlando Jones Watch where the Judy is now.

59:05 Adam We take visiting laws, you understand. We take laws that other states don't want and other countries.

59:11 Drew We take them. Orphan laws.

59:13 Orlando Jones Orphan laws.

59:14 Adam Bring us your crappy laws. We write more jaywalking tickets than they write in all of America and Europe combined. I'm not even going to count Asia because I don't even know if they have crosswalks.

59:26 Caller Tickets for smoking on beaches.

59:27 Adam We got tickets for smoking on beaches. We got tickets for everything.

59:32 Orlando Jones Tickets for everything.

59:33 Adam So if you're in a state where you can't turn right on a red, you better figure it out. But here's the thing. It is legal here in California. You can turn right on a red. Nobody who's driving seems to be aware of that, and that pussy Han who wants to get everything moving is so busy keeping people off their train tracks and not blowing their ass up on the fourth of July that he can't put an ounce. How about it? Turn right, you pussies.

1:00:06 Caller Right on the red.

1:00:08 Adam It's red. Shake your ass.

1:00:10 Orlando Jones Right on the red.

1:00:11 Adam You don't want to build another railroad. Go on out.

1:00:12 Caller You don't want to build another railroad.

1:00:14 Adam You don't want to build another subway.

1:00:15 Orlando Jones Don't want to do it.

1:00:16 Adam What do you figure that subway is a foot? What do you figure costs $10 billion an inch?

1:00:21 Orlando Jones Too much to count.

1:00:22 Adam What do you think a second story on the 405 would call it?

1:00:26 Orlando Jones Not so much.

1:00:27 Adam Wait a minute. Wait a minute, my brother.

1:00:29 Drew That's expensive. We need that.

1:00:30 Adam We need that, but still a lot.

1:00:32 Drew Still a lot. We can put it off a little bit.

1:00:34 Adam Here's the point. Here's the point. Let's get the rhythm back now. Put it off a little bit. The point is, is we wouldn't need to do anything if we could get people moving.

1:00:43 Orlando Jones Well, all right, now.

1:00:44 Adam We could get people moving 25% faster and that's it. This is a factory and we ain't adding any square footage to it, but we're going to speed up the conveyor belt and we're going to need all the employees to pay attention and pick it up. And all I'm saying is, let's put some goddamn posters up in the lounge.

1:01:03 Orlando Jones That's right.

1:01:03 Adam And let people know that we're speeding up the belt.

1:01:05 Orlando Jones That's right. Let the choir sing, Sister Gilmore.

1:01:08 Adam Here's the deal. If you're napping on a red and you could turn right, you're getting a ticket.

1:01:13 Orlando Jones That's right.

1:01:14 Adam And if you're that guy who likes to count to 10 Mississippi after the light changes green before you go, you're getting a ticket. And if you're the guy who's going 46 in the fast lane on the freeway, you're getting a ticket.

1:01:26 Orlando Jones Show them what's it working with.

1:01:27 Adam Where's that voice? Where's that campaign? No, all we got is the highway patrols cracking down on speeders. Make the right.

1:01:36 Caller In what way?

1:01:38 Adam What are you talking about, speeders? It took me four days to get to my goddamn mailbox. Four days. What's speeders? Speeders.

1:01:46 Caller You're cracking down on speeders.

1:01:47 Adam Where you gotta go to find speeders?

1:01:49 Caller Cracking and crack rock.

1:01:50 Adam You guys go to Nevada. That's where you find speeders. And not here anymore. They all went to Nevada. We can't speed anymore because no one's driving. Make the right.

1:01:59 Lock yourself.

1:02:01 Adam Make the right.

1:02:02 Show them what you're working with.

1:02:04 Adam Drew, would you stop that?

1:02:05 Drew You're under arrest.

1:02:11 Orlando Jones I feel good about that. Yeah, it's Sunday.

1:02:14 Adam I feel better. Let me just say, I've calmed down now, but I am going to say, you don't think that we could get the city moving 20% more efficiently through the enforcement of these kind of things in an awareness campaign?

1:02:32 Drew Don't you think that could bleed into sort of all aspects of one's life?

1:02:36 Orlando Jones It could.

1:02:36 Drew We could even sort of encourage people to pick it up.

1:02:39 Adam Mach now. Yeah. And I'm saying, like on those big freeway signs, just a big shake your ass.

1:02:46 Drew We need an acronym for hustle.

1:02:47 Adam That works. Just let's go.

1:02:48 Drew You know what I mean?

1:02:49 Adam Let's get it on. Get a move on. Hustle it up. I sit at those red lights waiting for A-holes to turn right. Nobody honking. I'm six cars back. I'm on the horn. Not one horn. Everyone just planted. What goes on in this town that people have just unlimited time to either get to work or get home? What is going on? Is it all just the crazy cultures that have jobs where they don't have jobs, where they just nap all day or they're used to taking a donkey or riding like a three wheel moped or something?

1:03:24 Orlando Jones I think it's taking a donkey.

1:03:25 Adam Is that what's going on in this city?

1:03:28 Orlando Jones I just don't think people care about being late anymore. It's now, if you're supposed to be there at 5, if you're there between 5 and 5.30, that's cool.

1:03:36 Adam It's traffic.

1:03:37 Orlando Jones Yeah.

1:03:38 Adam Even bosses need to start firing people for being late. Whatever it is, we've got to put a fire under people in this city. It's great work that the great James Hahn has decided to sync up the signals. How come no one raises their hand and says, hey, genius, why don't you sync them up when you put them in? You're deciding now? Oh, that's wonderful. Why don't people start yelling at people? And what about this red arrow? How come no one says anything? How come? Please, people drive through it. I drive through every single one of them.

1:04:09 Drew Every GD1 of them. I'd love to hear from SMLAPD and see if they've seen a little more of this lately.

1:04:13 Adam I pray to Christ they have. And let me tell you this. Here's why it's safe to drive through those arrows. I was talking about this with my buddy the Wees today when I was screaming at him about driving through the arrows. His name's the Wees?

1:04:26 Drew Oh, okay.

1:04:27 Adam Done, but here's the thing. Here's why, Drew, open your mind. Put that pen down.

1:04:31 Drew Focus on me.

1:04:33 Adam Okay, Drew, I don't need that. Focus on me for a second. And just think about this. Think about this. Cops write tickets for, here's what I think. Here's the two tickets they write. The guys who sit there with the radar gun, the cowards, the vermin, who sit there hiding, hiding up the driveway of the parking lot with the radar gun.

1:04:51 Drew How about the guy that traps you on the left turn, and then I got turned on?

1:04:54 Adam Come on, Drew, it's not about you, it's about me. Okay, the guy. When you get a ticket, you won't get a ticket for turning left on an arrow because in the cops' mind, you're neither speeding nor are you doing anything. You don't see it as doing anything. Now, you're a cop. If you're not directly behind you, you're coming the other direction or coming any direction, it just looks like you're turning left with a green signal when there's no oncoming traffic.

1:05:31 Drew You've got to give people the direction you normally give them, it's to look around for police.

1:05:35 Adam Look around, but now I'm thinking just look in the rear view because you will not stand out as doing anything wrong because the cop has been watching people turn left when it's safe and the signal's green for the last eight hours.

1:05:48 Drew By the way, the more sophisticated signals will turn green when there's no oncoming traffic, like it should.

1:05:53 Adam Yes, and the other direction is just going to be green. So my point is, is the only way a cop could bust you is if he was right behind you and looking at the signal. You see what I'm saying? So everybody, stop being such pussies and do it. Please.

1:06:09 Orlando Jones I think you made a good case.

1:06:11 Adam Please. And look, I'm not just talking. I do hundreds a week. Hundreds. And drive by parked cars, by the way. The Lemmings, the pusses, the people have nowhere to go that are stacked up waiting for the man to tell them it's okay to go home. Drive right past them. Go right past them. Just keep rolling. Everybody do it.

1:06:28 Drew They honk at them.

1:06:29 Adam Please, please everyone do it. And by the way, this is what you do with horrible laws. You ignore them.

1:06:36 Drew Civil disobedience.

1:06:37 Adam Civil disobedience. Rosa Parks.

1:06:39 Orlando Jones You got it. That's right. That's right. Rosa Parks. If you're black and Latino, you're listening. Ignore this man because they'll be writing your ass a ticket as soon as they're looking for you, brothers.

1:06:48 Adam They will beat the car out of you.

1:06:50 Orlando Jones He's right. They look for two things.

1:06:52 Adam But white guys need to do this.

1:06:53 Orlando Jones White guys, y'all need to step it up. Yeah. Get with the program. Like, don't be pussies. But brothers and Latinos, chill out.

1:07:00 Adam Take it easy now.

1:07:01 Orlando Jones Ease up.

1:07:01 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

1:07:02 Orlando Jones Because you know what the deal is.

1:07:04 Adam And enough with those rims that look like they're spinning when you're standing.

1:07:07 Caller They're spinning, baby. They're spinning.

1:07:12 Adam Drew's got an acronym for hustle.

1:07:15 Drew Hurry up, slackers. Stop loping.

1:07:22 Adam Loping. What do you like from the fifties? Loping. No one uses loping.

1:07:29 Drew Hurry up, slackers.

1:07:31 Adam John, I'm going to move ahead.

1:07:32 Orlando Jones You can stop loping.

1:07:34 Adam Consume yourself in rims with what will be a disappointing acronym at the end.

1:07:39 Drew Loping. Stop loping, everyone.

1:07:40 Adam All right. And by the way, let me tell you something, too. When you do an acronym, you don't have to spell it right.

1:07:45 Drew That's right.

1:07:46 Adam You don't need the E at the end, but that's still work. So hurry up, slackers.

1:07:51 Drew Stop.

1:07:51 Adam Stop loping. Everyone. Nice. There's two S's in Hustle.

1:07:57 Drew Yeah, I think for sure.

1:08:01 Caller No, one S.

1:08:02 Caller Yeah, I think there's one S.

1:08:06 Caller One S.

1:08:07 Drew Hustle is two S's.

1:08:08 Adam One S engineer Chris.

1:08:10 Drew Hustle is two S's.

1:08:11 Adam I think Hustle is one S.

1:08:14 Orlando Jones Yeah, take my word for it.

1:08:15 Adam It's one S.

1:08:16 Orlando Jones Think about the Hustler store.

1:08:20 Adam All right, Drew. All right, Dr. Drew.

1:08:23 Drew Is that a T in it, Hustler?

1:08:25 Adam Yeah.

1:08:25 Orlando Jones I'm three and O tonight.

1:08:26 Adam It does.

1:08:27 Drew That is a T. All right.

1:08:28 Adam Well, that's true, too. I still think it's one S. John, but here's the thing. If I'm correcting you on spelling, you better put a bullet in your head, Drew. Because no one dumber than me.

1:08:37 Drew Spelling wise. We got to take a break. I'll look up Hustle. All right.

1:08:40 Orlando Jones Nicole, hold on. We'll be back for your question.

1:08:44 Drew One S with a T.

1:08:45 Adam All right. Now. Yeah.

1:08:46 Drew One S with a T. H-U-S-T-L-E.

1:08:47 Adam All right. Now, give us a better acronym.

1:08:51 Drew I will.

1:08:51 Adam I work on that during the break. Orlando Jones here and I will be right back after this.

1:08:56 Caller Hello. This is your radio.

1:09:01 Adam What are women most attracted to?

1:09:03 Caller Confident guys.

1:09:04 Adam That's right. You can't buy that confidence. At least you couldn't until now.

1:09:08 Drew What do we got?

1:09:09 Adam You got Axe Deodorant Body Spray.

1:09:11 Drew Oh my God.

1:09:11 Adam Spray that on. It's like slathering on the confidence. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Orlando Jones is here tonight from Father of the Pride. Tuesday nights on NBC at nine o'clock. Dave Navarro into tomorrow night. Drew has not come up with a good one. Good acronym for Hustle ever since he realized how Hustle was spelled. His first one was Shake Your Ass Foreigners, and I explained that that's got nothing. That's not even close to the acronym for Hustle. So, Drew, what do you have so far? Do you have anything?

1:10:05 Drew Nothing. Hurry up, slackers.

1:10:07 Adam Hurry up, slackers. Okay.

1:10:10 Drew No, it's fine, relax.

1:10:11 Adam All right, all right. It's just, you know, we gave it all a break.

1:10:14 Drew I was listening to you talk. You always insist I listen to you when you're speaking.

1:10:20 Adam Why aren't you listening now?

1:10:21 Orlando Jones He was focused.

1:10:22 Adam All right. John?

1:10:25 Caller Yeah.

1:10:26 Adam You're 20? What's up?

1:10:29 Caller Well, I've recently got into a fetish. I find it erotically gratifying to wear women's clothing.

1:10:36 Caller All right.

1:10:39 Drew What's your question?

1:10:39 Caller I was wondering if that could be a, well, I know it's not normal, but I was wondering if that's like psychologically unhealthy or if I could be like still totally normal and still be doing that.

1:10:50 Drew No, you can't be totally normal in doing that, but you don't have to be seriously ill and be doing that. Can you have relationships?

1:10:58 Caller Yeah, yeah, I have a girlfriend.

1:10:59 Drew And how long have you been with her?

1:11:02 Caller I've been with her since last October.

1:11:04 Drew And things are going okay?

1:11:05 Caller Things are going pretty good.

1:11:07 Drew Are you guys sexual together?

1:11:09 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:11:10 Adam What are you wearing in the women's line?

1:11:14 Caller Just, well, anything, bras, panties, dresses, makeup occasionally.

1:11:22 Drew I'm beginning to believe that some of this has something to do with how visual males are. And that these experiences of terror in childhood around their relationship with mom, whether it's mom being overly intrusive or overly sexual with them, it's in sort of a covert way, results in feelings.

1:11:38 Caller My mom was very close with me a lot. And my dad, he wasn't around a lot since he was in the Navy. And, you know, I was with my mom mostly through my childhood.

1:11:47 Drew There are books out there on covert incest. It's not actual incest. It's sort of a covert...

1:11:51 Adam Dad was in the Navy.

1:11:53 Drew So this is her surrogate. This is her surrogate. Yeah, surrogate husband is the little man at home now. And that becomes terrorizing into a kid. And the visual impressions of mom then become sort of emblazoned in the source of attraction later in childhood.

1:12:08 Caller Yeah. All right.

1:12:09 Adam Well, look, here's the thing, though. I'm not sure if there's a fetish cleansing. I don't know if we can deprogram you. On the other hand, you can keep things in check. You cannot spin out.

1:12:20 Drew And you can get therapies to sort of undo the sort of aspects. Again, you might want to look through some of these books on covert incest, covert child abuse, basically, is what it is. There's a book called Drama, the Gifted Child that talks about this kind of stuff sometimes. Look into this. Some therapy can take care of these things very quickly sometimes.

1:12:41 Adam You can also not act on your bizarre impulses.

1:12:44 Drew Yes.

1:12:44 Adam Can you?

1:12:45 Drew You can, and you can try to have real relationships, which are truly intimate, but the probability is that his real self is sort of guarded and put away somewhere.

1:12:53 Orlando Jones Or you can pick a side.

1:12:54 Adam I'm going to, yeah. I'm going to pick whatever one you look better at. That's my feeling with everything. If you make a better fill in the blank, that's what you should become.

1:13:04 Orlando Jones That's an interesting period.

1:13:05 Adam For me, it's a Korean woman.

1:13:07 Orlando Jones I can see that.

1:13:08 Drew Yeah, me too.

1:13:09 Adam Roger?

1:13:10 Yeah.

1:13:10 Adam You're 15?

1:13:13 Caller Hey, Mr. Crowell.

1:13:14 Adam How's it going? You're calling from North Hollywood?

1:13:17 Caller It's 71 degrees on here.

1:13:19 Adam Blah. My old hometown. Whereabouts in North Hollywood?

1:13:23 Caller On Van Nguyen and Phetonga.

1:13:30 Adam People from my part of North Hollywood make part of that part of North Hollywood. Yeah. They're cleaning it up, though. They're getting it together over there. All right. Oh, yeah. Close to the In-N-Out Burger. That's good. All right, so what's up?

1:13:44 Caller Before I start, Mr. Jones, you are awesome on Father of the Pride.

1:13:48 Orlando Jones Oh, thank you, man. Thank you very much.

1:13:50 Caller We have a good time doing it.

1:13:52 Caller I've been listening to the show for a while, and Adam, when you usually go out to your rants and you're done with them, you say, it takes all kinds, but what do you mean by that?

1:14:01 Adam Well, it's an old expression from probably, I would say, the 30s. Would you say it goes to the 30s? It could go to the 20s.

1:14:08 Drew Yeah.

1:14:08 Adam I don't think it's earlier in the 20s.

1:14:10 Drew Oh, yeah, no, yeah.

1:14:12 Adam It became very popular in the 50s, but I imagine...

1:14:15 Drew I was thinking 50s is really where it sort of...

1:14:16 Adam But wouldn't you think it was around before that?

1:14:19 Drew It must have been. It's a little bit Ozzy and Harriet-ish sort of comment, or leave it to be, where it's kind of like, well, it's odd. It takes all kinds.

1:14:25 Adam Look up the origin of takes all kinds.

1:14:27 Drew Oh, Chris is like, what the hell are you talking about?

1:14:30 Adam All right. And what it means is it used to just be the... Here's what it was. It was sort of the punchline on 50s and 60s sitcoms where Drew and I would be... No, no. It was even a cartoon thing. It would be like one thing would be a couple of guys standing on the corner, another guy walks by in the middle of summer, he's wearing a fur coat and a lampshade on his head, and the one guy turns to the other guy and says, well, it takes all kinds. Right. It just... It just closes it out. It just means it takes... It's different strokes to rule the world.

1:15:03 Orlando Jones We celebrate our differences.

1:15:05 Adam Right. There's a... I don't know why it takes. I don't know why they say takes, but it just means...

1:15:10 Orlando Jones It takes all kinds of people to make the world go around. It takes all kinds of people to make a society. It takes all kinds of people for us to live together.

1:15:17 Drew The subtle message is we cannot judge. We do not judge.

1:15:21 Orlando Jones Adam takes all kinds.

1:15:23 Drew Don't judge.

1:15:23 Adam But it's not that harmonious. It just means, well, there's all kinds of crazy people out there.

1:15:29 Drew But we can't judge them. All right.

1:15:30 Adam You got that, Roger?

1:15:31 Caller Yeah, makes sense. Thank you.

1:15:33 Adam I'd like to see you get out of North Hollywood.

1:15:35 Caller Me, too.

1:15:36 Caller Yeah.

1:15:36 Adam What high school are you going to?

1:15:38 Caller Well, actually, we had this discussion about a year ago. I'm going to Cleveland High.

1:15:41 Caller Oh, OK.

1:15:42 Drew It's a feeder school, isn't it?

1:15:42 Adam That's better.

1:15:43 Drew Yeah.

1:15:44 Caller Yeah.

1:15:44 Caller Because otherwise...

1:15:45 Drew Oh, you called in a year ago?

1:15:46 Caller Yeah. And on Adam's birthday.

1:15:48 Drew I remember this.

1:15:49 Caller Oh, really?

1:15:49 Drew That's where I first heard about Cleveland High.

1:15:51 Caller All right.

1:15:52 Adam Oh, wow. Thanks. We played them in football.

1:15:54 Caller I remember that.

1:15:55 Orlando Jones Hey, it takes all kinds. All right.

1:15:57 Adam Here's the thing. I'm sure it's named after a president, but the Cleveland High, that is, but it was always confusing to me that there was a Cleveland in the San Fernando Valley. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah.

1:16:10 Orlando Jones It's confusing because...

1:16:11 Adam It's like there's a Paris in Texas. Yeah, it didn't work out well. I mean, here's the thing. If you got a presidential name that you want to name a high school after, it's got to be in the corresponding city, like any Washingtons need to be in Washington, any Clevelands need to be in Cleveland.

1:16:27 Drew And by the way, a lot of presidents to choose from. Two Grover Clevelands? Really?

1:16:33 Adam High school?

1:16:34 Orlando Jones I thought it was James Cleveland.

1:16:36 Caller What'd he do?

1:16:37 Orlando Jones He was the father of Jefferson.

1:16:38 Caller Oh, really?

1:16:40 Adam I thought he did something with peanut butter. But what's Grover Clevelands?

1:16:44 Orlando Jones That was George Washington Carver.

1:16:45 Adam Well, whenever there's a black dude who did something and I can't think of what it is, I go peanuts.

1:16:49 Orlando Jones You go peanuts? It's George Washington Carver.

1:16:51 Adam Yeah. No, I'm hip. He came up with 10,000 things to do with peanuts.

1:16:54 Orlando Jones Grover Clevelands? Grover was the dude on Sesame Street in the garbage can. Clevelands I don't know about.

1:16:59 Adam Clevelands, Clevelands the president? I didn't even know when he was. The teen.

1:17:03 Drew Just 1890s.

1:17:04 Adam 1890s?

1:17:05 Orlando Jones I think he was one of the presidents that...

1:17:07 Drew Big fat guy. Everyone hated him. He was a party boss guy.

1:17:10 Orlando Jones Yeah, I think he was the guy who lost popular sovereignty but won the Electoral College vote. I think he was one of those guys. Same thing that happened in 2000.

1:17:20 Drew But he was sort of not a popular guy. Teddy Roosevelt hated him.

1:17:24 Orlando Jones That's what I'm saying. Popular sovereignty voted in another president in Electoral College.

1:17:27 Drew He was a boss leader in New York.

1:17:29 Orlando Jones Yeah, he was a shady kind of guy.

1:17:31 Drew Two high schools in Los Angeles.

1:17:33 Adam And in Los Angeles, by the way. Did he grow up out here? You know what I mean? You know, he's an East Coast guy.

1:17:41 Orlando Jones Well, you know how it worked. He spent some money out here.

1:17:44 Drew Right. There you go. There you go.

1:17:46 Orlando Jones That's what it is.

1:17:48 Adam Look up Cleveland.

1:17:50 Drew Grover Cleveland.

1:17:51 Adam The president.

1:17:51 Caller Yeah.

1:17:52 Drew How about It Takes All Kind? You got the source of that?

1:17:55 Caller It's just a bunch of websites that have different people saying that, so there's no origin of it.

1:18:00 Caller Words.

1:18:00 Adam So no.

1:18:01 Drew Don't look up Cleveland yet.

1:18:03 Adam All right. Drew, it's fine.

1:18:04 Caller What?

1:18:05 Drew Take a right? You talk to the acronyms about hustle, and I'm going to go. You take four and five.

1:18:09 Adam Four and five. Someone has an acronym for my new hustle campaign. Go ahead, Joe.

1:18:15 Caller Hey, what's up, guys?

1:18:16 Adam What's happening?

1:18:19 Caller Yeah, my acronym for hustle is hurrying up street traffic and life efficiently. Ooh.

1:18:25 Adam Traffic. The traffic is nice.

1:18:27 Drew Yes, traffic goes nice in there.

1:18:28 Caller Oh, that's good.

1:18:29 Adam Yeah.

1:18:30 Caller All right. And then the life part is like for shake your ass for everything else.

1:18:34 Caller Right, right.

1:18:35 Adam The life is the weak part, but everything else is super strong.

1:18:40 Caller Yeah, I don't know, the L kind of threw me off, but I try.

1:18:45 Caller Right, right.

1:18:45 Adam No, that's solid. That's a good, that's much better. You're 19, you're calling from Fresno, and you're way ahead of Drew.

1:18:53 Drew Much better.

1:18:54 Caller What was your E again?

1:18:56 Adam Efficiency, right?

1:18:57 Orlando Jones Efficiency, got you.

1:18:58 Adam Efficiently. Oh, efficiently.

1:19:00 Orlando Jones Efficiently, that's what I'm thinking.

1:19:02 Adam Yeah, with the L-Y. Yeah. See, I would like to work an insult into the hustle acronym. Like, I'd like, hurry up, spineless traffic losers.

1:19:13 Drew Line four, insult.

1:19:14 Adam You know what I'm saying?

1:19:15 Drew Take line four, take the same thing.

1:19:17 Adam I would like to shame them a little bit. Todd?

1:19:21 Caller Yeah?

1:19:21 Adam You're 26, what's up?

1:19:23 Caller Okay, I got it.

1:19:24 Caller I think I got it. This one kind of stays in the vein.

1:19:27 Caller It's like, it kind of helps out with both.

1:19:29 Caller And it's like, it gets to the point. Here we go.

1:19:32 Caller Hurry up, slackers.

1:19:34 Caller Today, loafing ends.

1:19:37 Caller Ah, I like that one.

1:19:38 Adam Powerful. Work slacks and time.

1:19:42 Orlando Jones Yeah, give it up for that one.

1:19:43 Drew And loafing. Slackers and loafing. Two key words.

1:19:45 Adam That's solid.

1:19:46 Orlando Jones Today, loafing ends. Okay.

1:19:47 Adam That's solid. Thank you for calling in there, buddy. Well, that was good. I mean, we're normally profoundly disappointed by any time anyone calls with a suggestion or an announcement, but those were both strong. Drew, we got a heroin call over here.

1:20:02 Drew Next after the break, huh?

1:20:03 Adam All right. We got a 28-year-old boyfriend broke up with her.

1:20:06 Orlando Jones Did you say heroin?

1:20:07 Adam Heroin, yeah.

1:20:08 Orlando Jones You want to wait till after the break? I mean, I'm not telling you how to do your job.

1:20:11 Adam May OD during the break, Drew. Drew's got to find out where Takes All Kinds came from. Figuring out why we need two Southland high schools named after Grover Cleveland, a president that most didn't like or remember, unless he's from the San Fernando Valley, which I highly doubt.

1:20:29 Orlando Jones I don't know. I'm guessing.

1:20:31 Adam Find out where he's from, and maybe that high school isn't named after that Cleveland. Maybe there's another Cleveland. All right, let's take a little break. Orlando Jones is in Stuart and Knight. Man is this guy smart, knowing about the popular vote, electoral college. And I mean, wow, that is sharp. We'll take a Father of the Pride, by the way, 9 o'clock on Tuesday nights on NBC. We'll take a quick.

1:21:10 Orlando Jones Even if you don't convince three million people, it doesn't fucking matter.

1:21:15 Drew You're not an electoral college fan. You're not an electoral college fan. Who is? Orlando is. Go.

1:21:23 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1.

1:21:28 Caller Dave Navarro in here tomorrow night.

1:21:31 Adam Poly Psi Major Orlando Jones in here tonight. And he was just explaining to Dr. Drew and myself how democracy worked, actually.

1:21:40 Orlando Jones Well, in this country, electoral college.

1:21:42 Adam I know there's two things that were never really discussed in junior high or high school. Geography and the system for voting and electoral college stuff and House and Senate and seats and all that never, never was discussed. But we had to focus on retarded things like cooking and learning to make up.

1:22:08 Orlando Jones Shop class.

1:22:09 Adam Parmesan, Parmesan popovers where, of course, you wouldn't want to teach your students about how the government worked, instead you would explain to them how to apply Parmesan cheese to Pillsbury dough. That's important.

1:22:25 Drew That's like some sort of vocational rehab for the mentally deficient.

1:22:28 Adam Yeah, it's what you do with people who have been injured, had head trauma and stuff. You warehouse them. You put them in a group of 30.

1:22:37 Drew Really, it's true.

1:22:38 Adam You speak to them and those sort of...

1:22:40 Drew Let them play with clay.

1:22:40 Adam Today, we're going to take out your pan. Timmy, don't hit yourself on the head with the pan. Take the pan out and put the grease on the pan. Now, that was my education, just standing in between felons and retards. You know what I discovered in cooking class? I'll tell you, everyone discovered that the pan fit in the sink almost like a piston fits in a cylinder and that if you filled the sink completely and then put the pan on top of it and pressed it down immediately, all the water would just come sailing out. It was those kinds of things.

1:23:16 Drew Hey, that South Park reference reminded me of Family Guy and I wanted to tell you something. I forgot to tell you, Adam, I was at the UCLA football game this weekend and lo and behold, the UCLA marching band plays the Family Guy theme. Isn't that interesting? Really. It's really coming in.

1:23:30 Caller Hip. All right.

1:23:32 Adam So, Orlando here. Love that show. No father of the pride, but a decent animated show.

1:23:38 Orlando Jones Does what it can.

1:23:40 Caller We can't all be the original.

1:23:42 Orlando Jones No, I like the Family Guy. I think it's a funny show.

1:23:44 Adam Wendy?

1:23:45 Yeah.

1:23:46 Adam You're 18? Yeah.

1:23:48 Caller I've only been 18 for about six months, too.

1:23:51 Adam All righty.

1:23:52 Caller Yeah.

1:23:55 Adam Hold on, Wendy. Just for fun. I know you're junky, but was that a joke or was there irony there or was that just?

1:24:04 Caller Well, yeah, because I'm going to jail tomorrow and I've got two felonies on my record and so I'm one of those felons in your class or whatever but I've got two felonies on my record. I'm only 18 for six months.

1:24:16 Drew So you're sort of gloating?

1:24:18 Caller No, that's a horrible thing.

1:24:21 Adam What are the felonies for?

1:24:23 Caller Drug charges.

1:24:25 Drew So what's happening?

1:24:26 Caller Well, I've been using heroin since I was 14. And I've been using drugs since I was seven or eight.

1:24:34 Drew Oh my God. How did you get? Oh my God.

1:24:36 Caller My parents brought them in the house and it wasn't like they gave them to me, but because they were around, you know, you see your dad do a lot and you figure it's okay. So I've been doing drugs for about 11 years. Well, I've been doing heroin for four years and for the last like year or so, I haven't gotten my period.

1:24:54 Drew Right. When you're doing heroin, you don't get your period typically.

1:24:57 Caller You know. When I would quit doing heroin, like about six months ago, I stopped doing heroin. I got my period about a month later. Well, I haven't done heroin in three months and I still haven't gotten my period.

1:25:07 Drew Is your weight way down?

1:25:09 Caller Actually, my weight went up.

1:25:11 Adam How does the heroin?

1:25:12 Drew It changes the dopamine metabolism, it suppresses the pituitary release of the cycling hormones for your ovaries.

1:25:18 Orlando Jones That's what I was thinking.

1:25:19 Adam You're a real doctor or just a love doctor?

1:25:22 Drew That's right. And so, Wendy, are you on any other medication right now?

1:25:26 Caller No.

1:25:26 Drew Nothing.

1:25:27 Caller Nothing.

1:25:28 Drew You just came off heroin and you didn't replace it with anything else.

1:25:31 Caller Well, I went to jail. And so, in jail, I kicked heroin. It took me about a week to kick. Because I was doing an eight ball a day when I went to jail.

1:25:41 Drew That's a lot of fun then, kicking up from that.

1:25:44 Caller It was the most... I got abused by my dad for like nine years and that wasn't half as painful as the five days of kicking.

1:25:50 Adam Now, what is that eight ball? Was that like 3.2 grams or something?

1:25:55 Caller 3.5.

1:25:56 Adam 3.5 grams.

1:25:58 Orlando Jones Yeah, if you got 3.2, they gypped you.

1:26:00 Caller Yeah.

1:26:01 Drew That's a lot of heroin.

1:26:02 Caller Yeah.

1:26:02 Adam I got to split, fellas. I got to settle something up.

1:26:05 Drew You may want to. See you later.

1:26:07 Adam Orlando needs some backup.

1:26:08 Drew So, your concern is you're not menstruating now even though you're taking nothing. Is that correct? Nothing? No pot? No nothing?

1:26:14 Caller Nothing. Not at all. I'm actually on house arrest. I go to jail tomorrow and I'm on house arrest right now, so I haven't even had the chance to do anything even if I wanted to.

1:26:21 Drew But you're not on no methadone or nothing?

1:26:24 Caller Nothing.

1:26:24 Adam So, you got the ankle bracelet on?

1:26:27 Caller No. I have to report to pretrial services. They don't even call me or anything like that. Like, I could go anywhere I wanted to if I wanted to.

1:26:35 Adam Why not that ankle bracelet?

1:26:37 Caller Because that's EHM, electric home monitoring, and it costs $140 a week. I couldn't afford that.

1:26:43 Adam I see. So, you're going to the joint tomorrow?

1:26:47 Caller Yeah.

1:26:48 Adam For how long?

1:26:49 Caller Well, I'm going to be in a chemical dependency program.

1:26:52 Drew Great. Oh, that's awesome.

1:26:54 Caller I'm actually really excited.

1:26:55 Drew That is awesome. Well, you'll see a doctor there, no doubt, and talk to him about the lack of cycling. It's not uncommon, though, for it to take six months to get back on board.

1:27:03 Caller Well, the other thing that I was wondering about is I've never had a pap smear. Could that be part of it?

1:27:08 Drew No, but you definitely need a pap smear if you're sexually active just to make sure you, you know, is controlled. Pap smear, they reach in, you take a speculum, open the vagina up and reach in with a stick and scrape some cells off or a brush. Well, because you can get cervical cancer very easily at your age, and if you have the ward virus, you will be prone to cervical cancer, and if you have the precancerous changes, they can be cured.

1:27:31 Adam You've been shit junk for four years. You'll be all right with this.

1:27:34 Drew Yeah. You'll handle the speculum exam.

1:27:36 Adam Yeah. If a figure five, a student who's a prodigy on the harp can handle it, the junkie can handle it.

1:27:44 Drew I'm just so happy they're giving her treatment as an option. That's awesome.

1:27:47 Adam Yeah, me too. And she sounds like she's better.

1:27:50 Orlando Jones Hey, congrats. That's tough to beat it and still be making the choices that you're making.

1:27:54 Drew That's a big deal.

1:27:56 Caller All right.

1:27:56 Adam Where are we going next here? Kayla. Kayla.

1:28:02 Caller Hey.

1:28:02 Adam 19. What's up?

1:28:04 Caller Okay. I have two simple questions. First, I was wondering, okay, my boyfriend is 23. When we have sex, like, you know, like from the back or whatnot, he, like, if I try to put my hand back there or anything, he'll, he'll, like, get really upset and move my hand and says that it throws him off and he'll go soft.

1:28:24 Adam Well, what do you mean put your hand back there?

1:28:27 Caller Like, if I try to, like, touch myself or something, like, you know, like.

1:28:30 Adam Oh, oh, touch yourself, sort of help yourself along. You're in doggy position now, right?

1:28:36 Caller Yeah, exactly.

1:28:37 Drew And you're, you're masturbating yourself.

1:28:39 Caller Yeah.

1:28:40 Drew Yeah, some guys freak out about that.

1:28:41 Adam Throws him off.

1:28:42 Drew Well, he, this was guys that thinks he should be able to, you know.

1:28:45 Caller Yeah, and, like, like, it's really confusing because, like, a lot of the time when we're having, when we get ready to have sex, he doesn't, like, try any foreplay or anything. He'll even try to put it in soft, like, I don't get it.

1:28:56 Adam Put it in soft?

1:28:57 Orlando Jones How do you? Yeah, basically what...

1:28:59 Caller It's like trying to shoot someone with no bullets.

1:29:00 Orlando Jones You need a more seasoned artisan in the field. Yeah.

1:29:04 Drew More than that, why would you even hang with this guy?

1:29:07 Caller Like, I don't know.

1:29:08 Orlando Jones Did he hit you with a club and drag you home to his house?

1:29:12 Caller No.

1:29:13 Orlando Jones Thank you. Sorry.

1:29:16 Adam Is this your boyfriend? I know you're calling him your boyfriend, but is he your boyfriend?

1:29:20 Caller Well, yeah, like we've been together almost a year or whatnot. I don't know, like in the beginning, we used to do things or whatnot, but now he's just, he's weird. He won't even let me go down on him. He doesn't like to feel wet. That's what he says.

1:29:40 Adam Okay, look, here's the thing, everybody, guys who have too many rules in the bedroom need to be tossed out of the bedroom. That's the deal. The guys who have that, like I like, it goes either direction, the whole spectrum.

1:29:54 Drew The rules are, hey, listen, you're in charge. The guy listens to you. That's it, you got the goods.

1:29:59 Adam Here's what's in it for them. They get laid, they get a BJ. Now they shut up and they start going down on you.

1:30:04 Drew Or whatever, whatever you want.

1:30:05 Orlando Jones Yeah, whatever you want. It's up to me if it's not that fulfilling to you and you feel trapped within your own sexual relationship, you should seek out one that's more fulfilling.

1:30:14 Adam Yeah, and this stuff, although it seems like something that is just contained to the bedroom, we all know it's smacks of larger, more global problems than the guy. Show me the guy, he doesn't like wet, he doesn't like you touching, he's all weird, he's trying to stuff it in limp. And by the way, what's in it for him with the limp stuffing? You know what I'm saying?

1:30:34 Drew It's all weird.

1:30:36 Orlando Jones That's what we call sport humping with half a stoker.

1:30:38 Drew Doesn't like it wet.

1:30:39 Adam Let me say this, speaking of stuffing, I was trying to, and I got into a-

1:30:46 Drew Time for a cranberry recipe.

1:30:47 Adam No, no, I'm gonna get my cranberry recipe soon and holidays are coming up and a quick pie speech too, but let me say this, I was maybe on two occasions this weekend, once I opened a thing of multiple vitamins, I had to try to get the cotton out of there, then with the aspirin, middle of the night, I got hungover trying to, the small aspirin one where you can't get your fingers in there and I started putting a ballpoint pen in there, then sometimes you're eating your first or second aspirin or multi-vitamin and you realize, oh yes, there's a piece of cotton stuffed in my mouth, haven't improved on the cotton stuffed in there in 90 years, nothing we could do, there's nothing, that's it, just I gotta sit there like some kind of just raccoon I mean, I'm not a raccoon trying to get at a fish, you know?

1:31:33 Drew I'm not sure that cotton is in any way necessary. When we get samples of medication in my office.

1:31:38 Adam No cotton.

1:31:38 Drew No cotton.

1:31:39 Adam What?

1:31:40 Orlando Jones I thought they put that silica in there now.

1:31:43 Adam Yeah, they do.

1:31:43 Drew They're both drying ages or something, but they also put the cotton in sometimes.

1:31:46 Adam They do.

1:31:47 Drew Over-the-counter stuff.

1:31:48 Adam Oh no, all the multivitamins and the aspirin and stuff is still cotton, and I'm still like an idiot. And like I said, if it's a small aspirin thing, and the opening's about the size of a dime, you got your pinky stuffed in there, which just serves to sort of ram it in there a little bit.

1:32:03 Drew All you're doing is shredding it as you pull it out.

1:32:05 Adam You're trying to shred it into little pieces, and then inevitably, like I said, you're eating it. Now it ends up getting caught on that little, there's like a little foil thing, the hymen you have to punch. So there's a jagged edge that catches the cotton. So now when you...

1:32:23 Drew Shreds and pulls apart.

1:32:24 Orlando Jones How long were you working on this?

1:32:25 Adam About three days, about three days.

1:32:27 Drew How many cumulative months have been spent digging stuff out of vitamin drugs?

1:32:32 Adam I got a lifetime, I got a lifetime in this.

1:32:34 Orlando Jones I think this may have been designed by the same people who did the smoke detectors, which I think is the problem.

1:32:37 Adam I'm just in a good call back, by the way, Orlando. All I'm saying is, let's improve on that cotton. Let's do something. Or put a goddamn hook on it or something. Put something, put a tampon string on it.

1:32:51 Drew That's all you need.

1:32:51 Adam Put a tampon string. Let me get it out of there.

1:32:55 Drew Absolutely.

1:32:56 Adam Really, I have to get tools out?

1:32:58 Drew Is it that much different than a vagina?

1:32:59 Adam I gotta get tools out to get the cotton out of the thing? Or I gotta go get the shop vac or something? You're right. All right, Drew, am I right or am I right?

1:33:05 Drew You're right, you're absolutely right.

1:33:06 Orlando Jones I like the tampon string idea. I think that's good.

1:33:08 Adam I have eaten, by the way, I've consumed the equivalent of a comforter, a California king comforter over the years in cotton.

1:33:17 Drew A couch pillow, yes, sofa pillow.

1:33:19 Adam No, no, the comforter.

1:33:19 Drew Comforter, sofa pillow, that's fine.

1:33:21 Adam We'll take, let's see, your sofa pillow is not better than the comforter. You gotta do better. You see what I'm saying?

1:33:27 Drew Can't do better.

1:33:28 Adam No, you can, but that ain't it. What would it be better?

1:33:32 Orlando Jones 42 ounce California king comforter.

1:33:33 Adam That's the point, you either do better or nothing. That's what I'm saying, Drew.

1:33:37 Drew Fair enough.

1:33:37 Adam All right, Drew's mad now.

1:33:39 Caller I'll talk to him during the break.

1:33:40 Adam We'll be back. Stop those games.

1:33:54 Orlando Jones I was like, yeah, I'm going.

1:34:00 Caller 3, 2, 1, go!

1:34:02 Adam Yeah, well, that's a show. Where'd the time go? Pow, gone.

1:34:06 Caller I don't know.

1:34:06 Adam That was one of those shows that started fast.

1:34:09 Drew Ended quick.

1:34:10 Adam Took a little like, huh? And then pow, over.

1:34:12 Drew Gone.

1:34:13 Adam Gone. Dust in the wind.

1:34:15 Orlando Jones Good to thank you guys for having me.

1:34:16 Adam Never gonna be reclaimed.

1:34:16 Orlando Jones A lot of fun.

1:34:18 Adam Oh, always a good time. Orlando Jones, you come back anytime you like.

1:34:21 Drew It's been like six years or something, hasn't it been?

1:34:22 Orlando Jones It's been a long time.

1:34:23 Caller Yeah.

1:34:24 Orlando Jones I think the last time I saw you, It was a TV show.

1:34:27 Adam Well, you're in town, so.

1:34:28 Orlando Jones I'm in town for once, yeah.

1:34:29 Adam Let's do it more regularly.

1:34:30 Orlando Jones I would love to, man, yeah.

1:34:32 Adam Father of the Pride, everyone. Tuesday nights, NBC, nine o'clock. Check out Orlando over there. And yes, The Catch, what?

1:34:39 Orlando Jones The Catch? The Catch? Oh no, not later on this year. We'll look for that.

1:34:44 Adam We'll come back and plug that, so until next time. This is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, Drew, please, please. Saying, mahalo. Turn right, you pussies.

1:34:57 Caller Right on the, it's red, it's safe.

1:35:00 Adam Shake your ass.

1:35:00 Orlando Jones Right on the rail.

1:35:01 Adam You don't wanna build another railroad, you don't wanna build another subway.

1:35:05 Caller Don't wanna do it.

1:35:08 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or the station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Ingold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback

Sunday, October 10, 2004