Episode 1000647553165

0:57 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

1:01 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Sexually-oriented content.

1:08 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline.

1:20 Drew Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LEVE-191. I'm Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Tonight, Rich Eisen is in the studio.

1:31 Thank you so much.

1:33 Drew Great to see you, Rich.

1:34 I didn't know you had a studio audience here. That was impressive.

1:36 Drew Oh, yeah. Oh, we have a large peanut gallery here. Everyone enjoys the show, except for the people who work on the show. They hate the show. And I think it's me they hate, Drew. I'm pretty sure they're different about you. Rich is the anchor over on the NFL Network, which I took a tour of, I was saying to Rich about a year ago. It's quite a... Oh, Drew, new record. Only 55 seconds into the show before you hit the thing.

2:02 Quite a thing.

2:02 Drew He usually whacks the mic with his coffee mug.

2:04 Is that right?

2:05 Drew About six seconds into the show. So 55. That's a marathon.

2:09 He was pacing himself this time around. That's very well done.

2:12 Drew Yeah. At this rate, Drew, you realize you're only going to whack the mic with your mug another 175 times before the show's over.

2:19 Adam Tonight, I know. It was a special technique, too. I think I got that right under it.

2:22 Drew Yeah. You know what it was? When you watch amateurs fight, you see a lot of hooks, a lot of overhand rights and stuff. But when you move up to the upper echelon of the pros, you see the uppercut. You know what I mean? You see the guy dig that uppercut in.

2:35 Adam What happened to Tony?

2:37 Drew James Tony?

2:38 Adam James Tony.

2:38 Drew They fought tonight. I Tivo'd it. I don't want to ruin it. Don't ruin it.

2:42 Adam I don't know.

2:43 Drew I know. But don't ruin it by pretend. I don't want you talking about it because someone's going to call in and tell me who won.

2:49 To me, the fight game went downhill when Mitch Blood Green left the game.

2:52 Drew Yeah.

2:53 He was. He was my favorite, Mitch Blood Green.

2:55 Drew Mitch Blood Green was Tyson's arch nemesis. And it was great because not only did they clash in the ring, they would clash at bars and in the street and stuff.

3:04 If you remember, there was a late night clothier in New York, Dapper Dan, where they threw down outside of like on a street. It was great.

3:13 Drew And Mitch Blood Green, by the way, had himself a serious J.Curl going at the Jerry Curl.

3:20 Like there was a serious activate.

3:23 Drew I was serious. I could imagine him going back and his cut man reaching for the Vaseline and then going, wait a minute, Mitch. There you go. And nothing's nothing. Everything's sliding off Mitch's head. Yeah. Big guy. He had that look for a while, but Rick had that look for, well, probably 51 of 53 years.

3:43 As soon as he had hair.

3:44 Drew I'm guessing. I don't think he ever got his hair cut. And by the way, it was always the creepiest thing about Rick James. Rich Eisen's here, everybody. All the great years over at ESPN and now blazing his own trail over in the NFL network. And I was thinking, obviously, there's money involved and there's moving and sunny California getting away from Bristol, Connecticut and everything. But is the idea, was it attractive to get in on the ground floor of something?

4:16 Sure. Absolutely. It was a great opportunity to just start up something for the number one sport and number one organization in all sports, basically. And they wanted to start something up in LA get out of central Connecticut. Which is nice, it's nice, but not here.

4:36 Drew Totally. Listen, I don't know what the number one sport is, but in terms of friends of mine wanting to watch, it's football.

4:44 Adam Good. It should be the number one sport.

4:46 Drew I love football. It's the best. Always have. Always start baseball. I can't stand when people get all nostalgic. I can't stand when Bob Costas talks about it.

4:58 When he drinks deep the aura of the game.

5:01 Drew Billy Crystal. Billy Crystal. By the way, normally you got to weigh at least 150 pounds to be a blowhard. How can these two blow so hard at a buck 35? You know what I mean? Oh, shut up. Yeah, yeah, your dad took you to a ball game. Shut up. Jesus Christ. You know what I was thinking about? I'm angry.

5:20 Adam He's venting. He's venting. Your dad never took him anywhere.

5:22 Drew One goddamn preseason Rams game my dad took me to. Some idiot in his office had the dignity to give the tickets away because I'm not going to go to some stupid preseason Rams game. That's the only sporting event I ever went to with my dad.

5:34 But is that your favorite football team, the LA Rams?

5:38 Drew There's many things we got to talk about. First off, I get endless S from cousin Sal, Jimmy's cousin, Jimmy himself and all the other a-holes over there at Jimmy Kimmel Live because I'm a Rams fan, because I grew up a diehard Rams fan and then they moved and no other team moved in.

5:57 So you're still a St. Louis Rams fan.

5:58 Adam Well, don't say that. Don't put those words together.

6:01 Drew And obviously I can see that they've got to you, Rich.

6:03 No, no, no. I actually know some people in this town who were actually St. Louis Rams fans.

6:07 Drew There's a lot of them. Here's my point. Here's my point. All right. Now here's what I got to say to Kimmel about that. Kimmel was always a Garvey fan, you know, and he liked the Dodgers and then Garvey went over the Padres and he rooted for the Padres, you know, because he was a Garvey fan. Here's my whole thing. Here's what I keep telling these guys. Give me a team then. I don't have a team. I hope I'm supposed to start following. You're like, Oh, San Diego is pretty close. Please. Everybody in this town, by the way, it's incredible. I work in an office. There's tons of New York fans, you know, the giant fans. There's tons of Pittsburgh fans, there's Dallas fans. There's nobody from Los Angeles who lives in Los Angeles. So it's this bizarre hodgepodge of sports fans. And where else? And where else but Los Angeles? Could you get together? We'll go to Kimmel's house on a Sunday. There'll be 18 guys there representing 18 different teams.

6:59 Caller Watching as many games as they possibly can.

7:00 Drew Can you imagine that going on in New England?

7:03 Caller No. There's one game on. It's whatever the Patriots game is playing. You know, Cousin Sal created quite a stir at the Super Bowl this year. At the media day.

7:13 Drew Pretended to be a kicker.

7:14 Caller He was John Casey. Oh, yes. He went on the field as John Casey, the kicker of the Carolina Panthers, with a big blue ski cap on his head. I remember I was working in the, you know, we had a live show at the live media day on NFL Network, and I was up in the stands on our set, and all of a sudden I saw a guy who looked just like Cousin Sal wave at me with this big blue ski cap on and running down on the field in a full Panthers uniform, and I'm like, my God, that was Cousin Sal, and then sure enough I find out later that it will be a potential cold day. Yeah, it could be a cold day in hell by the time he gets credentialed again for the next Super Bowl.

7:52 Adam Somebody would just have to bring a target on his back being suited up like that. Let me say this.

7:56 Drew Somebody should just blast him.

7:57 Caller It was silly.

7:58 Adam It was just plain. But I mean, you might put him in a suit. You might want to put a shoulder in though.

8:02 Drew No, here's, let me tell you something. I'm convinced, here's how Cousin Sal's going to die. Choke hold. Choke hold. I'm not saying who's going to do it. I don't know if it's going to be security or LAPD. I don't know if it's going to be Michael Jackson security. Somehow choke hold is what's inevitably going to be his demise.

8:20 Adam Or a taser accident.

8:21 Drew Taser and choke hold.

8:22 Caller At the same time. I think that you've stumbled upon the combination of his death.

8:26 Drew Taser choke hold. Yes. Don't think he hasn't tasered people, by the way, with the one that he bought off the internet.

8:32 Adam Nice.

8:33 Drew All right. So NFL, the NFL network, going strong, doing good. Is it as, well, a couple of things I've got to say. First off, on the satellite dish, I think it just says NFL. Yeah. Which makes you think, oh, it's this pay-per-view or something.

8:51 Caller It'll screw you up. It'll screw you up.

8:52 Drew So what are you guys going to do about that?

8:54 Caller Channel 212. We're at Channel 212 on the satellite, DirecTV, Channel 212, Get It.

8:59 Adam Is it part of the special package? You get it automatically.

9:02 Caller You get it automatically with DirecTV. You get us automatically. Comcast, digital cable, you get us automatically. Excellent. Charter communication for all those out there. Adelphia people are playing hardball with us right now. We've got to take them out at the knees with a stick.

9:16 Drew Don't worry. I'm going to send my...

9:18 Caller Do you need to take care of them?

9:19 Drew I'm going to send Mitch Blood Green over there. And rub some relaxer on him.

9:22 Caller Yes.

9:22 Drew And then beat the crap out of him.

9:24 Caller And like a sissy and a homo, he ran. It's the famous Mitch Blood Green.

9:28 Drew It's got to be nice to be known for antagonizing Tyson. Like, who are you? I'm the guy who used to call Tyson out and then scrap with him in the street about 4 a.m. in Brooklyn. That's like, for some reason, you've got to be scarier than Tyson.

9:44 Adam Is he? Is he a scary guy?

9:45 Drew Well, Tyson would beat him up.

9:47 Caller Yes, in the street.

9:48 Drew But he was still the guy who decided it was a good idea to get things going.

9:53 Caller One of the greatest rants is Mitch Blood Green going off on Tyson after Tyson slapped him down in the street. His eyes are just all puffy because he's got the crap beaten out of him by Tyson.

10:03 Adam Is this guy institutionalized now?

10:05 Caller We don't know where he is right now.

10:07 Drew He's working with children.

10:08 Adam Of course.

10:11 Caller He's in the black hole in Raider Nation, I think Mitch Blood Green will be at that game Sunday night.

10:15 Drew Yeah, and you know, they fought in the ring and Mitch acquitted himself decently, but he didn't win the fight. I don't believe. But he actually did okay.

10:26 Adam He was a fighter.

10:27 Drew Yeah, he was a fighter.

10:29 Caller And a lover.

10:29 Adam And a lover, too.

10:30 Drew Passionate man.

10:31 Caller Bringing it full circle here.

10:32 Drew All right. NFL Network 212, everybody. Yeah. Ain't gonna cost a cent. Just go ahead and punch that up. Count me in.

10:42 Adam I like the fact that you play the old tapes, not just the old NFL tapes.

10:47 Caller I mean, there's old games that you get on there, sure, and all the NFL films. I watched an entire half hour show the other day on the butt slap.

10:56 Drew Oh, really?

10:56 Caller And I just found myself sitting on the couch saying, my God, I've spent the last 30 minutes watching a show about men slapping other men on the ass.

11:04 Drew Nothing better than the old NFL stuff.

11:05 Adam Do you have any old money night football games you play?

11:08 Caller No. No, actually, Howard Cosell's, we're told his estate does not want something like that to happen.

11:14 Drew I don't know if that's the truth or not, but it's like he's pissing people off from the grave.

11:18 Adam We have a handkerchief to hear him narrate a halftime highlights reel.

11:22 Caller Oh, my God. Oh, it's greatest.

11:23 Adam Sir Francis of Target.

11:26 Drew He would, he would always do this. He'd do first off, he'd call the guy the speedster from Syracuse. They even didn't have a name. And then they do, he'd do this one show, they said he didn't have the speed to play in the NFL. But don't tell him that.

11:42 Caller As he hits the burst of speed in the hole right there.

11:45 Caller 86 yards, touch down.

11:47 No, nullified.

11:48 Drew Holding call. Back goes on. I thought they won. No, nullified. Holding call. Oh, Sir Francis of Tarkington, Tarkington throwing to. It's a radio show. It ain't a one hour television spectacular. Genius. I'll tell you, those half-time highlights. And here's the thing. Now, maybe this has to do with the Coastal estate.

12:16 Adam You couldn't find it.

12:18 Drew I went to the Museum of Radio, History Radio and Tolerance. Actually, combined them all.

12:23 Caller That's fascinating. That's fascinating.

12:25 Drew You go to a thing on the Holocaust, you go see reruns of what's happening up top. They did combine. Manhattan, it's a small town.

12:32 Caller Rerun in Hitler all under one roof.

12:34 Drew All under one roof.

12:35 Caller It's amazing.

12:35 Drew They don't really do that. And go ahead and put the Automotive Museum on there, too. Why not? All right. The point is, we went over there and I was like, oh, this is great. Well, first thing I got, well, actually, first thing I got to see Chico and the Man. Because they never really got that into syndication. I got to see that. Number two, I got to see Monday Night Football, Monday Night Football with Howard Cassell. Where is it? And the guy's like, well, we don't have that.

13:00 Caller It's amazing.

13:00 Drew And I was like, you're the Museum of Television, Radio and Tolerance. Where's Monday Night Football? Howard Cassell. I mean, that was the first... First shipment you guys should have got was that shipment on the package.

13:16 Caller I don't know if I'm telling tales out of school or I think it has to do that there's a lot of rights issues, a lot of it has to do with Cassell and...

13:24 Drew I don't believe that for a minute.

13:28 Adam They got to put it out there as a separate...

13:29 Drew Hold on, we've done this show for nine years and never heard one Cassell drop. I understand how long we've been sitting on those, buddy.

13:36 Caller Cassell never ever comes up.

13:37 Adam And how many more are there?

13:39 Caller I'm sifting through them right now. Unload the vault as far as I'm concerned.

13:48 Drew I would pay the 50 bucks to see one halftime of any random game.

13:53 Adam And here's the other thing.

13:55 Drew Let me ask you this, Rich, I don't know what the plans are for the network, but here's a plan of mine. I think, and I've talked about this with some of my retarded sports aficionado buddies, you could, as soon as football season ends, I'm jonesing badly for football. And I'm like an alcoholic, I don't need a Dom Perignon, I just need a hit of Sterno or something. I need something, you know, lighter fluids, something to take the edge off.

14:26 Caller How about a 1999 Browns-Bengals game or something like that?

14:30 Drew We do that.

14:31 Caller We have two hour rears.

14:34 Drew Here's what I think, here's what I always said, why don't we see Monday Night Football starting at the first one they did it, as soon as this season ends, when do they start? 1971 or whatever it is.

14:44 Caller They're in their 35th year now.

14:46 Drew Oh my God, yeah. Okay, 1970, 1969. All right, boom, the season ends, the Pats win the Super Bowl, I'm angry, and pow, it's 1969 and Danny Dunn and Howard, and boom, we just start, whatever that game is. And I guarantee nobody knows who won any of those games by now.

15:08 Caller The first season, by the way, Keith Jackson was the play by prior guy. Keith Jackson, yeah, and then Frank Gifford replaced him. You want to go real old school right there.

15:17 Drew If I'm seeing the Rams play the 49ers in 1976, I have no idea who won this ball game. It's great. And I can watch a whole game just like what's the difference? And I'm just hearing the old names. I'd love to see the commercials that were in there. Crappy Dodge cars, an Aspen, a Ricardo Mongevin. Yeah, Shae for Beer. The crappy stereo equipment and stuff.

15:43 Adam The advertisements for the various shows.

15:44 Drew Yeah. What about that?

15:46 Caller What?

15:46 Drew Now, I know Monday Night Football is ABC, but is it NFL too?

15:50 Caller The NFL obviously has a say in a lot of this stuff, but then there's also rights and players. There's a lot of issues that we're slowly working on. But right now, we've got in the off season, two-hour game re-airs of CBS and Fox Games of the last five, six years.

16:07 Drew Oh, good.

16:08 Caller Peyton Manning, Steve Young battled back in 1999 that we showed the other day. I have no idea who wins that game.

16:15 Drew I could gamble on those games easily because I have no idea. Right. I really would know. And if someone, Drew, you would be a guy who would gamble with me because you're not only a passionate man, but you have your dignity. You wouldn't know. You wouldn't check the Internet. We just. We just.

16:29 Adam Yeah, it'd be great. Go over on TOTA TEL.

16:32 Caller Yeah.

16:33 Drew All right. And by the way, we need some of that stuff freed up. I'll talk to Mitch Blood Green.

16:38 Caller Yes, please do.

16:39 Adam And talk to Cosell's family.

16:41 Drew Mitch Blood Green would be a great attorney. Attorney. Mitch Blood Green. Beating the crap out of you with an antichay case. All right. Let's talk to Christina, who's 16. Christina?

16:51 Yes.

16:52 Drew Oh, I can tell you've been riveted by all this NFL talk. Yes?

16:56 Yes.

16:58 Drew Do you know who Howard Cosell is, Christina?

17:02 Caller I have no more time.

17:04 Drew All right. Yeah. Why would you know who he is? Go ahead. Through how old do you feel right now?

17:12 How old do I feel?

17:13 Adam I was thinking of, no, no, us. I was just thinking of the crib keeper.

17:15 Yeah.

17:16 Adam Yeah.

17:16 Drew All right.

17:17 Adam Go ahead.

17:19 I was wondering if masturbating by water pressure or whatever you want to say, does it like, can it hurt me?

17:27 Caller In any way?

17:29 Adam That's all fine.

17:30 Drew Yeah.

17:30 Adam You should enjoy.

17:32 Drew What you don't want to use is glass beads or acorn shell, walnut shells, like the sand blaster.

17:40 Adam Right.

17:40 You don't want to use sand.

17:41 Drew Water is good.

17:42 Adam Water is fine.

17:43 Drew Water is fine.

17:44 But like after whenever I orgasm, it like hurts.

17:48 Adam Like hurts when you urinate or something?

17:50 No. Whenever I orgasm, it's just like it hurts to go, like I have to stop.

17:59 Drew With the water?

18:00 Yeah.

18:01 Adam It just gets too sensitive, that's all. You just got to back off. That's fine. That's all right.

18:05 It's all normal?

18:07 Adam Normal, yeah.

18:07 Drew Yeah, it's all normal.

18:10 Why can't I get off when I finger myself like it doesn't do anything at all?

18:15 Drew Hold on a second. I was thinking about Christina and a lucrative phone sex type gig, and I think the vocabulary is there, but we need some work on the delivery. You know what I mean? I'm really hot.

18:29 Poor Christina.

18:31 Adam A lot of people can't even do what she does, especially at your age.

18:35 Drew You're way ahead of the game.

18:36 Adam Yeah, you're way ahead. Don't ask for more right now.

18:39 Drew Don't grow up too fast.

18:41 Caller I just got whiplash from the Segway.

18:43 Drew Yeah.

18:44 Caller By the way, I mean, from Coastale to a water pick.

18:48 Drew Yeah.

18:48 Caller My God. What happened to me?

18:51 Drew Being T-boned by a tractor trailer.

18:53 Adam Loveline.

18:53 Drew You're sitting there in the intersection.

18:55 Caller Is that what it is? I just got lovelined?

18:57 Drew That's what happened.

18:57 Caller Very good.

18:58 Drew Christina?

19:00 Adam You're fine.

19:00 Drew You're fine. You're okay?

19:01 Adam You're good.

19:02 Drew All right. You sound like the son from King of the Hill.

19:08 Adam Yeah, you really do.

19:09 That's not a compliment.

19:11 Let's get to the sex.

19:13 All right. Thank you.

19:17 Caller I believe that I'm a slut.

19:23 Drew Anderson, digging deep tonight. Yeah. Cosell and the son. I'm trying to think of who else I can bring up just to see if the guy is-

19:30 Caller How is there no Mitch Bloodbrown?

19:34 Drew All right. Leave him alone. Let's talk to Tracy, who's 24. Tracy.

19:41 Caller Hi.

19:42 Drew What's happening?

19:44 Caller About three years ago, I contracted the herpes simplex virus from my ex-boyfriend. I had one outbreak at that time. It was very devastating. Ever since then, I have not had an outbreak, but I have like pre-symptoms, like the tingling and very slight. Just I think I'm about to have an outbreak, but I never do. I haven't had one since then.

20:09 Adam Are you on any medication to suppress the outbreaks?

20:12 Caller I have taken Valtrex, but it makes me sick.

20:15 Drew Is that the commercial where they're kickboxing?

20:17 Adam Kickboxing or maybe surfing on weaves.

20:20 Drew Let me say this. Let me say this about these commercials where these chicks are working out. Does every chick have her own blimp hanger to work out in? There's no one else around. There's just a ring in the middle.

20:30 Caller They have mats. They have mats.

20:31 Drew Her and her taekwondo instructor and a weirdly lit thing working out with the guy. What kind of gym is this? Go ahead and put somebody on a treadmill behind you.

20:40 Adam That's all. Yeah.

20:41 Drew Look, I don't want to see.

20:42 Adam Well, she has herpes and nobody else can be there.

20:46 Drew There's a shame factor.

20:47 Adam Except she's not ashamed.

20:49 Drew Yes, she's living her life. But she'd have to be kicking the crap out of Bataka pads. Hey, Tracy. Yeah. You don't hear the simplex anymore. It's just herpes, right?

21:00 Adam Well, it's a simplex type. Tracy is so angry that she has to bring out every detail about this podcast.

21:07 Drew Are you angry, Tracy? I'm not angry. All right. All right.

21:15 Adam That's not angry. How dare you, Adam?

21:18 Drew Drew decided you're angry, and now I'm starting to agree with him. Where's your dad?

21:25 Caller He's in Texas.

21:26 Drew Aha. You're in Indiana?

21:29 Caller Yeah.

21:29 Adam What's he doing down there?

21:30 Caller He's on military duty.

21:34 Drew Do you love him? You ever do anything bad to him?

21:40 Caller No.

21:41 Adam He never hit you or anything?

21:42 Caller No. He hit all my brothers and sisters, but he never hit me.

21:45 Adam Interesting. He's not the kind of aggressive, rageful guy.

21:50 Drew He's in the military.

21:52 Adam That's where some of that anger we're picking up on where we come from. So there you go. Okay. So what's the rest of your question?

21:59 Caller The rest of my question is, now I haven't had any outbreaks, but I know I have this virus, and I know that I can pass it along to someone if I have unprotected sex. And ever since I broke up with my ex, which has been a while, every time I feel like I'm about to have feelings for someone, I draw back. All I think about is, oh God, this poor guy, he's going to have to have herpes one day, and I'm never going to have kids, and it's just this whole downward spiral of just doom, sort of, and I don't know how to tell him.

22:35 Adam Why do you? Well, hang on.

22:37 Drew I'm going to kill myself.

22:38 Adam Why does she go to the never having kids thing? I want to straighten that out.

22:41 Drew I don't know. She thinks she can give him herpes.

22:44 Adam That's the point. Not going to happen.

22:45 Drew All right. Not going to happen. What happens with kids?

22:48 Adam For the most part.

22:49 Drew A racing stripe or what happens?

22:50 Adam Sometimes. But for the most part, they have less of a problem than we used to think. And they can do C-sections if there's any evidence.

22:55 Drew That would be horrible, like a herpey stripe going all, starting at the crown, going all the way down the kid's foot. Yeah. So what about it? So they can take care of that.

23:04 Adam Yeah. That can be taken care of.

23:05 Drew She's not even having outbreaks anymore.

23:07 Adam I know. The problem is she's so ashamed of this that she's completely just beating the crap out of herself.

23:11 Drew Let me cleanse her for a second. Tracy.

23:13 Caller How do I tell? How do I tell people?

23:16 Drew You're all up in your head.

23:17 Adam If a guy is into you, Tracy, he will break through a forest field of herpes to get to you.

23:22 Drew That's right. I will climb a mountain of herpes to get to the woman I love.

23:27 Adam Right.

23:27 Drew Mount Herpe. You been there?

23:30 Caller I have. It's a great place to visit.

23:32 Drew It's nice.

23:32 Caller This time of year.

23:34 Drew Yeah. It can get a little crowded, so you got to make reservations.

23:36 Caller I know. It's a four star.

23:38 Drew Yeah. But I'll tell you, put your food in a tree, a bear will get it there.

23:44 Adam Mount Herpe.

23:45 Drew Mount Herpe.

23:46 Adam Anyway.

23:47 Drew I'm done with that, Tracy.

23:48 Adam Yeah. But she's angry and she's up in her head, and she's making a self-fulfilling prophecy out of nothing. I mean, she sabotages everything.

23:56 Drew Rich is sitting here and he's thinking, what do you know? They asked, she had a herpes question, why are you all up in her grill about her disposition? But that's all we do.

24:05 Caller You just.

24:05 Drew You just hear the voice. You just hear the voice and you read them.

24:09 Adam It's how they make us feel.

24:10 Drew So much is in the voice. You're kidding.

24:11 Adam It's how they make us feel.

24:12 Drew Tracy's angry. And she is a flair for the retarded and dramatic too. She'll never love again.

24:20 Adam The negativity.

24:20 Drew She'll never have kids and they got medications. Take that, you do a little kickboxing in the-

24:27 Adam The medication can decrease the risk of transmission. If a guy is into you, he will break, he will continue on. He won't care. You put on a condom and put you on Valtrex, that'll be that, or something else, over acts or-

24:38 Caller It's not always in a hanger either. It's sometimes out in a field.

24:41 Drew Yeah, well, actually, the Wheat-

24:42 Adam Wheat teams have big, big-

24:43 Drew The field, when they're doing stuff in the field, that's more the allergy stuff. Like, look at this guy's windsurfing in a field. They should just really say what the stuff's for, because I feel bad that I can't get in on it. I'm disappointed when I don't have whatever it's for. At the end, it's like, oh, okay, oh, yeah, good luck snowboarding in a wheat field. You don't have seasonal allergies.

25:05 Adam Sorry, you don't have immunoblastic lymphoma.

25:07 Drew Yeah, piss now. Can I get that, Drew? Can you infect me somehow? Nothing? No, nothing I can get. All right. Rich Eisen is here, everybody from the NFL Network. Total Access is the name of his show, 8 p.m. here in Los Angeles. 212 is where you will find it. It's right in there. It's right nestled in amongst ESPN and what the hell else? I mean, it's right there.

25:35 Caller Well, it used to be like in the old like Direct TV, this is what's on pay-per-views. So a lot of people don't have it programmed into their remote control so they just go from like the last ESPN channel or whatever.

25:46 Drew Right.

25:46 Caller Or the next thing is. But we're there, we've been there since November and the Comcast is the daddy.

25:53 Drew It's an interesting thing and I know we got to go to break. I just want to say real fast. You get to TV now, the TV has 785 channels, three-quarters of them are just Mexican soaps. So the old lady's got to go through the thing and start zapping all the whatever. Otherwise, you'll just be scrolling through. You'll be watching donkeys humping from Argentina. There's 700 channels of that. But she doesn't know any better. So she puts the Kai Bosh on the NFL channel because she thinks it's a pay-per-view. Then you blissfully go in there and just start scrolling and you miss it.

26:27 Caller It's an outrage.

26:28 Drew Don't let that happen to you. Don't let that happen to me. Don't let it happen to you. I'm back now though, Ray. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

26:43 Love Line is brought to you by the Sony Network Walkman Player with up to 30 hours battery life. Sony like no other.

27:12 Drew That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-E-V-E-191. Sunday Corn in here, then Interpol, then Seth MacFarlane from the Famous Guy. We're having the band Boston in here. Yeah. Used to play a lot of air guitar to them back in the day. And yeah, far listeners don't know who Howard Cassell is. Wait till they get a load of Boston.

27:36 Adam Oh, boy.

27:37 Drew It's going to be a throwback show on a week from now, I think, when they're in here. And Rich Eisen, they may be dead in a week, Drew. They may not make it that long. Those guys are clinging to life. I know. I'm going to kiss some Boston ass. Are you? Oh, yeah. You like them. When their first album came out, I was 12 or 13 or something. It was the greatest album I ever heard in my life.

27:58 Caller Yeah.

27:59 Drew Let's do it a thousand times. Yeah.

28:00 Caller Well, your week starts with corn and ends with Boston. You're running the gamut there.

28:05 Adam Corn and corn at an interval.

28:06 Caller Yes. That's the spectrum.

28:08 Drew It really is the spectrum. God bless this show too, by the way, because you have Rich Eisen on here talking to sports, then you go to corn, then you got Seth MacFarlane, you got IndyCar drivers. Cake's coming on. Where the hell's it all end, Drew? Where does it end, I tell you? Cake. Cake going to be in here. Yeah. Good band. All right. So Rich, of course, seven illustrious years on SportsCenter, and now on the NFL Network. 212, everybody, right in the mix. I think ESPN has like a 208, a 209 or something like that.

28:45 Caller They're right around there.

28:46 Drew Right in there.

28:46 Caller We're in the mix.

28:47 Drew You know what's a little confusing is the Fox Sports West, all the way up into the 700s. Banished.

28:54 Caller They've been banished.

28:55 Drew They've been kicked out of the sports corral. They got shoved in with the pay-per-view and the porn, and they're back. Thank God they're close to Playboy because they're always hovering. You know what I mean? I'm always within striking distance of a channel near Playboy.

29:10 Caller Right. They're right near that cool jazz channel and stuff like that, right around there.

29:14 Drew Yeah, they're way up.

29:16 Caller Your salsa, you just go to channel 653 and your angels covered.

29:21 Drew Not until you start scrolling through the satellite music thing to try to get to the other side, do you realize how many goddamn forms of music there are. It's like, all right, they start big. It's like, okay, country, all right, classical, R&B, then it's like salsa. Then it's Mediterranean salsa and Greek salsa. It's like, what? It's 40 kinds of salsa here. Then it's easy listening, and then super easy listening, and then Latin easy listening, and contemporary jazz, and modern jazz.

29:47 Caller Everybody's got an easy listening.

29:48 Drew Yeah. It's like, it's 350 kinds of music here and 300 of them suck. Just come on, stick to the main stuff. Not even, stick to the stuff I like. That's what I'm saying. Is anyone really listening to contemporary salsa?

30:03 Caller I just love your facial expression. You don't even say, you're just reacting.

30:08 Adam It's great for radio though, isn't it? It's fantastic.

30:11 Caller It is great.

30:12 Drew Yeah. Then the thing is, you put them on TV, and it looks like a chalkboard just with nothing on it, just a blank slate. One of those dry erase boards, it just got wiped down with a handy wipe.

30:24 Adam It's not a blanket. It's frozen.

30:25 Drew It's frozen. It's different.

30:27 Caller It's quite cool.

30:28 Drew All right. That's one of the stations, by the way, you've got to go.

30:31 Caller It's quite cool.

30:32 Drew Quite cool.

30:32 Caller It's great. It's right near Fox Sports West 3.

30:36 Adam Yeah, the Fox Sports, right, there's the Ns and 2s and 5s. I'm trying to find a Dodger game.

30:41 Drew I was trying to tape the James Tony fight tonight on Fox Sports West, and my wife, she evaporated it from the thing. I had to go back to the main thing and put the thing.

30:55 Caller You can restore evaporated James Tony fights?

30:58 Drew Yeah, bring the channel back. I gave her whack in like Mitch Blood Green. I'll tell you, she got a large room. You don't mess with that. All right. Callie. 17.

31:12 Dr. Drew, you guys are my idols. I love you. Anyways, I was calling because I think I might be a sex addict.

31:21 Adam Tell us more.

31:23 I just got out of my eighth rehab about a month ago.

31:25 Adam For what? No, you're an addict addict.

31:31 I guess.

31:31 Adam Sex is about 80 percent of the time sex is part of it. Either when you're in your disease and doing the crazy things that addiction makes you do, sexual acting is often part of that, and if you are not actively engaged in recovery and trying not to use, you'll also see people do thrill seeking sex. 80 percent of addicts have sexual attention features.

31:53 Drew I frequently run into the 20 percent.

31:55 Adam They don't.

31:56 Drew Dormant.

31:57 Adam Those are the only ones I ever saw. You may not be singularly a sex addict. It may just be part of your addictive. Are you a trauma survivor? Are you sexually abused going on?

32:06 No, I'm not. Another thing is that I'm only attracted to significantly older men.

32:12 Adam You weren't sexually abused?

32:13 I was not sexually abused. Both my parents are therapists.

32:17 Drew That's abuse right there.

32:19 That is abuse, definitely.

32:21 Adam It's funny. You don't sound like a trauma survivor. You don't make us feel like that, but certainly you're an addict. Why isn't recovery taking hold for you?

32:30 I don't know. I just don't think I'm done. Well, there you go. Getting in a lot of ways.

32:35 Yes.

32:37 Drew Are you done? I would be angry if I was done doing drugs at 17.

32:43 Adam It's very difficult to treat people under 20.

32:45 Drew It is.

32:46 Adam Really difficult.

32:46 Drew But in a way, it's easier because they're more pliable, right? I mean, like a bone breaking heals better in a young person.

32:53 Adam If you can get it to take, they keep running on it, you get a worse longer-term problem.

33:00 Drew Kelly.

33:00 Caller Yes.

33:01 Drew Do you know who Howard Cosell is?

33:03 Caller I don't know who Howard Cosell is.

33:07 Adam I have to talk to Kelly some more.

33:08 Drew Rich has to smash his head in with a coffee mug.

33:10 Caller That's okay.

33:11 Adam I'll just hit the mic with it.

33:12 Drew Go ahead, Kelly.

33:16 Caller I know the difference between Veal and Venison.

33:19 Drew You know the difference between Veal and Venison?

33:20 Yes, I do. All right.

33:21 Drew Can you name all members of the band Korn?

33:29 Caller I liked them when I was about 13.

33:30 Adam Can you name one?

33:32 Caller Can I name one? I can't tell you that much.

33:36 Drew Oh, by the way, how old are we that she was into Korn when she was young?

33:42 Caller That's right. When she was way back when she was 13.

33:45 Drew Yeah.

33:45 Caller She was into Korn.

33:47 Drew You hear them on the classic rock stations.

33:50 Adam I'm getting depressed.

33:52 Drew She was 13 when she was into Korn. That was back when?

33:55 Caller Way back in the day.

33:57 Adam Don't stop. Listen, one thing I've noticed about people getting ready to get well from addiction is two things that really get people to make that change. One is when you believe you're going to die. I don't think you believe that yet.

34:13 Caller I went into meth-induced psychosis on a Greyhound bus and I started freaking out and thought everyone was trying to kill me and I wound up being stranded in New Mexico.

34:22 Adam I understand you've had some heavy things happen, but if you're not ready, if you're not done doing drugs, you don't believe they're going to kill you yet.

34:28 Caller See, the thing is I thought that was like my final bottom and I don't know how much lower I can go.

34:33 Adam Well, I've seen some pretty low bottoms.

34:35 Drew Bristol.

34:36 Adam The other thing is, the other thing, the other way-

34:38 Drew It reaches all the apartment in Bristol. That's lower.

34:41 Caller That's low.

34:41 Adam The other way I see people want to get well sometimes is when they disgust themselves.

34:45 Drew Oh, really?

34:46 Adam Yeah. They just feel, and what happens, the real trick is how do you get to the point where you can actually look at yourself realistically?

34:52 Drew I do that when I masturbate, but then I'm over it the next day. I'm right back on the train. I'm always disgusted. Oh, please. Never again. Never. You're a mess. Have some dignity, man. Oh, look. Oh, with the hamper. Stay in the hamper. That's where you belong. But the next day, hey, what do we got?

35:12 Adam I'll tell you, Kelly, the way you can get to the point where, again, I've interviewed a lot of people to get to that moment of clarity, and it seems to me one of the things, the common features of people that have those moment of clarity is a new kind of a relationship, not the sexual acting out, not the guys, just somebody interesting that's not the kind of person you would normally hang around with, but who can actually appreciate you. Just hang out with that person.

35:33 Drew You know who that man is?

35:34 Adam Yeah.

35:35 Drew Mitch Blood Green.

35:36 Caller I have like all my friends who are really decent people, and I kind of wonder why they hang out with me.

35:42 Drew Who?

35:42 Adam Who is this?

35:43 Caller Like all my friends, like they're pretty much, they're all still in school, like I know.

35:47 Adam Well, they're not the right people, yeah.

35:48 Drew All right, here's the thing. You're 17. Once in a while, these chicks, they're 17, they're too smart.

35:53 Adam They're too smart for their age. Yeah, you can feel that.

35:55 Drew Yeah, she's smart.

35:56 Caller She didn't sound 17 to me.

35:57 Drew No. Here's the whole thing, and we were talking about this last break. First off, you sort of sound like what you are more than how old you are or what your education is or what color you are. You sound like, when you're angry, you sound angry. Racists sound like racists, you know, stupid sounds stupid. Everything sounds like sort of what they are. And she's 17, but she sounds, because she's been to rehab eight times, she's an old soul. You know what I mean? People that grew up fast, have seen a lot, have been through a lot. They don't sound, when they're 17, they don't sound 17. I mean, we talk to women that are 22, but they have three kids, and they're on their second divorce, and they got the crap beat out of them when they were 11 by their step-dad. They sound like they're Vietnam nurses, you know? I mean, they sound like they're women in their 40s. Yes, Drew? Drew, making the face to everybody.

36:48 Adam Well, I'd want to impress them.

36:49 Drew Rich.

36:50 Caller I'm very impressed.

36:53 Drew So, Callie needs to slow it up.

36:57 Adam Maybe try a sponsor, try, again, maybe if you get in, just do the steps, put your butt in a seat. As they say, take the cotton out of yours and put it in your mouth.

37:05 Drew Oh, really? Is that what they say?

37:07 Adam And sit with a sponsor and see if you can get somewhere to where you can really see what you're doing to yourself.

37:12 Drew Is there anything worse than the blowhard motivational drug speech guy?

37:16 Adam The cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth.

37:18 Caller It's very homespun.

37:19 Drew And then they say, people, I will promise you this. That guy, the super blowhard guy, I hate that guy. You will be at a place one day when you're ready to hear these words. When you get to, in nobody, and when you're in that cell and you're alone, oh, you'll find Jesus in there. Super blowhard drug guy, and then he has to keep working, and see, don't think I know? I used to consume a kilo of methamphetamine every morning on my cereal, okay? Do you understand? You understand, I was an entrepreneur, I was a businessman, I was successful, I had a loving wife, had three beautiful daughters, lost it all, all up, one up my nose, and I didn't care. What do we got to do with those guys? This is the same guy, he's balding, but he's got the ponytail, he's blowing hard. You don't want to aff with him because he's got big forearms and he seems blustery, but you still think he probably doesn't have much wind and you could take him, you know? And he makes you a lot of promises, does this, tells you how much you think you know everything now. I know the blowhard. I thought I knew everything too. Oh no, you couldn't tell me anything.

38:30 Caller You sound angry.

38:32 Drew I'm that good an actor, right? Very good. Rich Eisen here, everybody, we'll take a quick break. NFL Network 212. Don't let your wife evaporate. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Yeah, Rich Eisen here tonight from the NFL Network, a pioneer left ESPN.

39:38 Adam Literally.

39:39 Drew Literally a pioneer.

39:40 Caller Blazing my trail.

39:41 Drew Blazing his trail.

39:42 Adam Came over here with a covered wagon.

39:44 Drew Heading west, yes.

39:45 Caller I did.

39:46 Drew And how was it your decision received over there at ESPN? Was it where they PO'd? Co-workers angry?

39:53 Caller Oh, my co-workers were not angry.

39:55 Drew They weren't?

39:56 Caller No one was, no, no. But my invitation to return for the 25th anniversary somehow got lost in the mail. How's that for a little fodder for you?

40:08 Drew Yeah, I don't understand after, you know, seven years of loyal service.

40:13 Caller That's right, damn it.

40:14 Drew I gotta do that to you.

40:15 Caller No, there's some great people over there. I keep in touch with a lot of them.

40:19 Drew What's a...

40:20 Caller And they vent, they bitch, they complain.

40:23 Drew How much of the sports center is on the teleprompter and how much of it is off the cuff?

40:29 Caller Most of, any time that the anchor is on camera, it's mostly prompter. But after that, it's all off the cuff. You know, you get...

40:37 Adam So when you're direct to camera, it's prompter.

40:39 Caller When you're direct to camera, it's prompter. And when you're doing your highlights, you get something called a shot sheet that describes all the action in notation form and you just ad lib from there. My first sports center that I did, which was in March of 96, it was a March Madness. It was a round of 32. So there were so many games coming down. And I remember there were like 15 highlights that I had. I only had one shot sheet walking down. The rest I brought to you in the middle of the show and you ad libbed. And I remember I thought to myself I could wet myself or I could go out and actually do something. So thankfully I chose the latter.

41:17 Adam And wet yourself.

41:18 Caller And then I went on the sofa afterwards. And then I called Loveline.

41:21 Drew I like when you have to come up with different words for wins. Like when it's like Villanova over UCLA, Boston College tops Connecticut. Because I guess as you keep going eventually you start running. You could just say wins. I'll go with that.

41:37 Caller Beats. Crushes, wax.

41:40 Drew Right, right. Yeah, just keep going. If you can do a little alliteration. Shalacks. Shalacking is nice.

41:46 Caller I feel like that one.

41:46 Drew I rarely hear about a team being varnished, but shellacking is very popular and it's really about the same stuff. You know what I mean?

41:54 Caller Buffed, you don't hear buffed.

41:55 Drew Yeah, you don't hear buffed. It is funny, like the shellac, I mean that's just good free advertising for shellac, whereas like I said, the varnished people really dropped the ball on that one.

42:07 Caller Yeah, they've lost out.

42:08 Drew If I had a-

42:08 Caller I can start that, you know, at the NFL Network. You know, the Packers varnished the-

42:13 Adam Yeah, they're good.

42:14 Caller The Colts this weekend, maybe? I don't know.

42:17 Drew Yeah, yeah, you could-

42:18 Caller I could work that. I could work a varnish in for you.

42:20 Drew Eventually, it's gonna work into, yeah, the Packers Thompson water seal, the Colts, and then people are gonna start getting suspicious.

42:28 Caller Some friends of mine out here in LA are big Godfather fans and want me to work in the line. They're animals anyway. Let them lose their souls somehow into a sports broadcast. And I don't think that's gonna be possible. You know, that's a difficult-

42:42 Drew But you worked into a Loveline broadcast.

42:45 Caller There you go. How about that?

42:46 Drew All right, let's talk to, I wanna talk to Kevin with the man boobs. Always funny. Kevin? Yeah. 18.

42:53 Yeah.

42:54 Drew Man boobs since 14.

42:56 Yeah, since about 13 or 14.

42:59 Drew How to get rid of them.

43:00 How to get rid of them. It affects my confidence with women and stuff, you know what I'm talking about?

43:06 Drew Yeah, I do know what you're talking about.

43:08 Adam He's got, she's got, you know, he's got quite a-

43:10 Drew He's got quite a rap, too. Yeah, all right. All right, CR now.

43:14 Adam Oh, smoke some pot.

43:15 Drew You smoke a lot of weed, Kevin?

43:18 I started like a year ago.

43:21 Adam No, Kevin.

43:21 But I had them before that.

43:23 Adam I hear you, I hear the pot laugh.

43:25 Drew I like the part where people tell you how they hadn't done whatever we accused you of doing-

43:31 Adam Long ago. Before.

43:32 Drew Like, like you get pulled over and the officer's like, have you been drinking tonight? Well, if you'd pulled me over last Wednesday, officer, like about noon, stone cold sober. Tonight, well, it's a different story. Yes, I'm s-faced. I know I speak clearly for somebody who's s-faced. Kevin? Yeah. So, no, I mean, yes, you do smoke pot, but before you didn't.

43:55 Yeah, I didn't. I had them before.

43:56 Adam You mean you weren't born smoking pot? You didn't smoke pot your entire life?

43:59 Caller I'm out of the womb.

44:00 Drew There was a time when Janis Joplin didn't drink. You know what I mean?

44:04 Adam Yeah.

44:05 Yeah.

44:05 Adam Or do her. Here's the deal. Kevin.

44:09 Caller Yeah.

44:09 Drew Chris, you know Janis Joplin?

44:11 Adam Oh, good. Who is she?

44:12 Drew Howard Cossack?

44:14 Caller Josh Joplin.

44:14 Adam Good. Yeah.

44:15 Drew Okay.

44:16 Caller Still sounds bad.

44:17 Caller I thought you said it was working all right.

44:19 Drew That's Howard.

44:21 Caller That's Howard.

44:22 Adam But, I mean, what is he doing?

44:23 Caller He's probably taping sports beat.

44:25 Adam Yeah.

44:26 Caller I'm watching the Sports Center, actually, but.

44:29 Caller He's watching it right now?

44:30 Adam Yeah. Kevin, here's the deal. The man boob thing is something that usually comes on in young males around 13 to 15. It sometimes goes away on its own. Obviously, you want to keep your weight down. That will help it out. If it doesn't go away, there are surgical procedures, liposuction, things like that, that can't be done. Sometimes, they actually have a plastic procedure. It has to be done to take the breast tissue out. But the one thing you can do for yourself immediately is stop smoking pot because that tends to add to it.

44:54 Drew Yeah. All right. Plus, you get stoned, look down, and see a C-cup. You freak out. You're going to freak out.

45:00 Adam At least you can yell, freak out.

45:03 Drew You're going to give yourself a good feeling up.

45:05 Adam Oh, that's you.

45:06 Drew That's you.

45:07 Caller Oh, yeah.

45:07 Drew I would immediately put on a bra and then go right up it, you know what I mean?

45:10 Adam And then you'd be disgusted, declare you're never going to do it again.

45:13 Caller He should stop watching Sports Center and watch NFL Network, which is the network of man breasts. And these linemen are...

45:19 Drew Oh, yeah.

45:20 Caller Have you seen these offensive linemen?

45:22 Drew 400 pounds these days.

45:23 Caller He says that's the home of man breasts, the NFL Network.

45:26 Drew Yeah, it really is.

45:27 Adam So it's become a mark of masculinity now.

45:29 Drew It's your headquarters for man boobs.

45:31 Adam If you're over 300 pounds.

45:33 Caller If he's grossly overweight.

45:38 Drew Engineer Anderson is going to win a what do they have for radio?

45:44 Adam Nothing. He'll win it.

45:45 Caller A Marconi.

45:47 Drew It's ridiculous. It's a radio show. Yes, he's going to get a Marconi. Catherine? You're 21? You want to sell one of your eggs? All right.

46:01 Adam What's the question?

46:02 Yeah, that was it. Basically, I've seen advertisements for egg donors needed and they pay pretty good sum and it sounds nice, but I'm not sure about it because it seems like it could be-

46:15 Drew Well, let me see if I can put a number, a ballpark number on your egg.

46:20 Adam For the donation.

46:21 Drew For the donation where you donate it and you get $5,000. It'd be nice if everything worked that way.

46:27 Adam I'd like to donate some time again.

46:28 Drew Yeah, I'd donate an old broken down car to the Jewish League and I get $5,000. Yeah, that'd be great. All right, Catherine, let's see. So you're not donating your egg, you're selling your egg. Okay. How tall are you? Five one. All right, I'm going to start at $5,000. We'll move it around. We're down to 3,300, by the way. Level of education? Junior college? All right, now we're at minus $26. Actually, if you gave an egg, you'd have to give an egg and $20. You actually owe money. I think you're five one, you're going to junior college, you're going to only get worse.

47:10 Adam We got to finish this assessment.

47:12 Drew All right, Rich Eisen is here. Hold on. We got to take a break. We'll be back. Let's try to get a dollar amount for Catherine's egg after this. Dr. Drew, how much money do guys spend trying to get chicks? Into the billion? Yes. Cars? Everything. Condos? Hair plugs? All they need is a max deodorant body spray and a million dollars. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-191, Rich Eisen in studio tonight. Korn is going to be in here on Sunday night. So running the gamut here. Korn not been in the studio for a while. Long while. So it'll be good to see those guys. All right. So when we last, oh, by the way, Rich NFL Network. Channel 212. On your DirecTV dial, yeah. I don't know how it works. But when the, and you guys haven't really been around long enough, I guess to know all this. But I would imagine there's a lot of people. Football is heroin to a lot of people. Whereas everything else, the hockey, the baseball, even the basketball, it becomes sort of, people have a passing interest in it. But when the football season starts up, it's visceral. Right, it is. It's like it's on, and people start getting, you know, two weeks before the first kickoff. People are starting to get anxious. They're talking about what they're going to be doing and stuff like that. You don't see that with baseball or football. Well, let me say something about baseball.

49:21 Caller While you're on the subject.

49:22 Drew Yeah, while I'm on the subject, while I bring it up, people give me crap because, you know, I watch the series and everything, but I'm just not a day in, day out guy because they play 160 something games.

49:33 Caller I was about to say that's a problem if you're not a day in, day out sports fan because if that's the case, then baseball's every two seconds.

49:41 Drew Somebody was, you know, it was like last week and I was doing best day in sports or maybe it was this week and then they're like, oh, you're still bagging on baseball. Look, I said to look, you know, when you games there is as many games left in Major League Baseball right now as there is in the entire football season. One of them started a year ago and the other one started last week and there's that same number, like 14 games left or whatever. Really? You guys can't fit, you can't settle it in 100 games?

50:09 Adam You know, the other thing you don't, you may have missed since you've been playing football is when I was coaching my kids football thing, you get out there, you get out to the field, the smell of the grass and stuff, and the air and the wind, it's, oh my God, you're just transporting.

50:21 Caller What sort of coach are you?

50:23 Adam I was, my kids were on a little Junior All-American football team coming up, and I was the assistant.

50:28 Caller You're an assistant? I mean, were you a defensive coordinator?

50:32 Adam No, I wouldn't call it a player. I was just sort of just giving them fundamentals, just tackling and blocking that kind of thing.

50:36 Caller Telling them to wrap up, square up. That's nice.

50:39 Drew Break it down.

50:40 Adam Break it down, boys.

50:41 Drew Yeah, no, no, break it down. Not grab a knee, break it down. Break it down. The linebackers, you gotta break it down. You know what I mean? You gotta just break it down.

50:50 Adam Yeah, but they're so eager to learn. And blocking is a big mystery for the kids.

50:55 Drew Oh yeah, well, blocking's no fun, by the way.

50:57 Adam It's the last thing you learn.

51:00 Drew And blocking is basically football equivalent to bunting.

51:03 Caller Try and teach a class on football, by the way, which I did once. It was really difficult to, you know, it was a learning annex class in New York where I decided to just screw it. Let's get it for beginners. And you had a whole group of people, like football widows who wanted to know what their husbands were doing.

51:22 Adam Who really knew nothing.

51:23 Caller Knew nothing.

51:23 Adam Or immigrants.

51:25 Caller Immigrants. And there I was, you know, talking about, seriously, just explain the game to somebody who has no clue, like first downs and yards and third down and holding and, you know, declining penalties and all that stuff.

51:40 Drew And I would start getting angry.

51:41 Caller It was funny, the guy in the back of the room was sitting there with his arms crossed, staring at me. And about 40 minutes in, he goes, you're not doing a good job at this. And I'm like, what do you mean, sir? And he goes, I know. I know the game of football. What are you doing here? Because I want to make sure my wife is being taught by somebody who knows what he's talking about. And I'm like, well, listen, if you would have spoken your wife for the last 20 years, we wish you wouldn't have to come here and be taught by a guy who you think doesn't know anything.

52:09 Drew Yeah, what a guy.

52:11 Adam Have you been breaking it down at that point?

52:13 Caller I was at that point, at that point I was like, my God, what was I doing there? But it's not easy teaching that game. It's pretty whacked out to somebody who has no idea.

52:21 Caller What did you expect?

52:23 Drew Let me explain this to you. You have to, especially if you have a son, teach him, there's a couple of things you need to teach your son. He has to be able to throw the ball and not look like a homo. That's number one.

52:36 Adam Baseball and football.

52:36 Drew Let me explain what happens later.

52:38 Adam Baseball and football.

52:38 Drew Baseball and football. Let me explain what happens later in life. You get a job, you start hanging out with a bunch of guys, next you know there's a company softball game. All the buzz Monday morning around the water coolers, what a fairy you throw like. That's horrible. The other thing too is-

52:53 Caller It's all in the footwork.

52:54 Drew Not knowing the just basic rules of baseball and football. Here's the guy. Okay, I'm just talking about this guy. What about this guy? This guy gets the endless razzing. He hits, he's legging it out the first base, but gets beat by the throw because he holds up. He doesn't want to go past. That's the guy.

53:13 Adam It's like, where were you from? You were up in a kaput somewhere. Straightening it out into the first base.

53:18 Drew Right. Yeah. That guy and then the next time you tell him, you tell him, look, no, no, run through. You can run through and turn around and come back, but he turns left and walks back. And then there's the A-hole who tags him out. And he's angry too. It's like, okay, all right, Mitch, come on, let him back. He turned in. It's like, I know, but he doesn't even know. He's from, folks are from Sweden. No, he's out. He's out. I like that guy because someone doesn't know the game. And they're, hell, it's his fault.

53:45 Adam He should have. That's why I asked about Cousins Out. Did he play football in high school or anything? Cousins Out?

53:49 Drew Yeah, I think he did.

53:49 Adam Okay, because somehow he seems like the kind of guy if you got all suited up, you just want to put a shoulder into. For some reason, you just want to, I don't know what that is.

53:56 Drew You know, you want to throw a shoulder into Cousins Out like you want to go, it's a boy doing a fat lap. You know what I mean? You just want to grab him, start shaking his belly, and knock him down and then roll him around.

54:08 Adam If he were suited up, I would have to tackle him.

54:10 Drew Well, he would have to tackle you too, and then there would be a problem.

54:13 Adam There wouldn't be, though.

54:15 Drew When you see Marilyn Manson, you don't need to put your shoulder into. Cousin Sal, you treat him like a lamp.

54:22 Caller I was recently asked by Jimmy to show up and do the play-by-play of his mock Olympic event with the superheroes. He dragged off the street in Hollywood Boulevard, and they wrestled Superman against Spider-Man, or something like that.

54:37 Drew Very pathetic.

54:38 Caller It was Batman against Superman, and Cousin Sal was the ring announcer. Oh, I can see that.

54:43 Adam Now that I can see.

54:44 Caller One of my favorite parts was about five minutes before this took place in the broadcast. He was out pacing the hallways, practicing his lines. That was my favorite part.

54:53 Drew He's a total pro.

54:54 Adam I can see that.

54:54 Caller It's consummate.

54:57 Drew Yeah, it never stops.

54:58 Adam Consummate's good.

54:59 Drew Yeah.

54:59 Adam Here we go.

55:00 Drew Watch around Kimmel's house. Kimmel's work, by the way, with his hand down his pants the entire time.

55:05 Adam That's nice. That's a nice movie.

55:07 Caller It's quality info.

55:08 Drew Catherine.

55:09 Adam Okay, so Catherine, you were assessing her, the price of her egg.

55:13 Drew Oh, she wants to donate an egg.

55:14 Adam You were down $24.

55:16 Drew $26, negative $26.

55:18 Adam That was 5-1, junior college.

55:19 Drew You're 21, yeah, you're 5-1. You're going to junior college.

55:24 Caller Beautiful.

55:25 Drew All right.

55:25 Adam Santa Barbara City?

55:27 Caller Huh?

55:28 Adam Santa Barbara City College?

55:30 Caller Yeah, yeah.

55:32 Adam So you plan to go to UC Santa Barbara or no?

55:38 Drew You're going to junior college in Miami. So, it's a commute.

55:42 Caller She's on vacation.

55:43 Drew Oh, you're on vacation.

55:44 Caller All right.

55:44 Drew By the way, do you live in Miami? Do you have to go on vacation? And if you do, do you have to go to a beach city like Santa Barbara?

55:50 Caller Well, it's just a different kind of vacation, more of a opportunity vacation here.

55:55 Drew I see.

55:55 Adam Can you translate that for me? All right.

55:58 Drew So we're down to minus $26. Who cares? I'm going to deduct a dollar for that. For not being articulate. You now owe $27 on that. Here we go. You're going to donate.

56:09 Adam Keep going.

56:10 Drew All right. How much do you weigh? 103. All right. You're petite. Petite. All right. Cup size. Hold on a second. Now, we've just broke even. We're at $1.89 now. What's your cup size? All right. We're now back into the red. Yeah. We're down a little bit. I was hoping for C. You owe $4 now. Nationality? Hispanic. Hispanic. Yeah. Engineer Chris is half Hispanic. By the way, I think that's the half of him that decided his earliest class at junior college should be new. But anyway, I don't judge. I can't judge. Now, here's the point. Here's where I got to duck just a couple for the Hispanic thing.

57:05 Caller Why?

57:05 Drew Because the market is flooded with Hispanic kids. We can get them cheap. You see what I'm saying? It's a market force. Premium. Yeah.

57:12 Adam It's a market force.

57:12 Drew The market will bear.

57:13 Adam Nothing to do with Catherine. It's a pure market issue.

57:15 Drew Absolutely. No judgment on the people. It's a supply and demand.

57:20 Caller It's a macroeconomic look to this.

57:23 Adam Keep going. Give me the price.

57:24 Drew No. I'm just saying there's a lot of them around. I know. So now we're down. Now we're down. Catherine. We're down about 185 bucks. Okay. What else? Let's see. Anything good? It's your dad, a pro wrestler from Mexico or something. I'm looking to pad at this point.

57:47 Caller I have more of a artistic background.

57:50 Drew Artistic. What do you got?

57:54 Adam I like that.

57:55 Drew Paint. You're a painter yourself?

58:00 Caller Filmmaker.

58:02 Drew All right. All right. So I'm going to push you back up to minus 22 because of the artistic side.

58:08 Caller What sort of films?

58:12 Caller Just weird abstract.

58:15 Drew That's going to drop you a little bit. I saw nothing worse than that artsy crap that I just pretend they like or get. You're about minus $115. So okay. So Katherine, if you want in to donate an egg, you got to bring a checkbook.

58:31 Adam So and you want to know, was it safe? And it is reasonably safe, but they will.

58:35 Drew Listen, I had to pay to donate my sperm.

58:39 Adam Of course.

58:40 Drew I gave my sperm and I gave them $14. I should do that in college.

58:44 Adam And the scary thing was that they were good-looking blonde guys that were getting paid. Right. You had to pay up. I'm nappy-headed.

58:51 Drew I got the mono brown.

58:52 Adam They couldn't contain your sperm. They all jumped out of the jar. Are you running down the street?

58:56 Caller I had to pay, yeah.

58:58 Adam Catherine, here's the deal. You want to know if it was dangerous at all. And yeah, there's some risk to this. They have to hyper-stimulate your ovaries. And there's some risk floating around that they may increase risk of ovarian cancer. A rare complication is that they can stimulate the ovaries to the point that they can outstrip their blood supply and actually die. So there can be some fertility issues here. But for the most part, it's a pretty safe procedure. There you go. But the other thing you want to consider is the ethical and sort of emotional issues of having some part of you running around in the world.

59:25 Drew Yeah.

59:26 Adam For money.

59:26 Drew Hey, Catherine.

59:27 Adam It's built on eggs.

59:28 Drew Here's what you do, baby doll. Donate that egg, get a couple bucks for it, and film the whole thing. Make a short out of it. Abstract. Abstract, yeah. Single tear at the end.

59:39 Adam What you've got to have is the, you've got to have the film of the laparoscopy where the sucking eggs off the ovaries.

59:45 Drew Yeah. You can get the lap cam in there. You ready? We got a question for Rich, by the way. Carlos?

59:52 Yes.

59:53 Drew Twenty-six?

59:55 Oh, yes. Yes.

59:57 Caller What's up?

59:59 Drew Carlos, you have brothers and sisters? Three. See what's driving the price of the Spanish egg now. Spanish omelet, we call it. Yeah. Sorry, Carlos.

1:00:12 Caller Okay. Well, I just want to say first time caller, big fan of the show, just kind of wanted to throw in an insight as far as you were saying earlier about the Monday night plan, a lot of games going. I was thinking that's a great idea, but I think we need to dedicate more time on as far as just individuals, including like Emmet Smith, more Dallas Cowboy time, more running back time.

1:00:33 Drew Mm-hmm. Well, it's funny how people, a lot of the guys, Cousin Sal, by the way, were dedicated to the show tonight, to his memory, because he will be killed by a police stranglehold at some point. And a taser.

1:00:46 Caller And a taser.

1:00:47 Drew Classic combination. I think his heart probably will have stopped before the taser hits him, but it's going to be one of those things.

1:00:53 Caller The taser could start it up again.

1:00:54 Adam That's true.

1:00:56 Drew Sal is a huge Dallas Cowboys fan. By the way, he has the temerity to make fun of me with my Rams. By the way, Sal's from Long Island.

1:01:04 Adam Yeah, exactly.

1:01:05 Drew He's a huge Dallas fan.

1:01:07 Caller I know he was a little...

1:01:09 Adam No, here's his reason. They're America's team.

1:01:15 Drew What happened was, and maybe happened to Carlos too, is there's this impressionable age here.

1:01:22 Adam A window.

1:01:23 Drew There's a window. The window is 7 to 11.

1:01:27 Adam And listen, when I was that age...

1:01:28 Drew And that's where you got to pick your team.

1:01:29 Adam And then my was that it was the Steelers and the Cowboys and the Rams.

1:01:33 Drew That's right.

1:01:34 Caller So which is your team?

1:01:35 Adam All of them.

1:01:35 Caller Which is your team?

1:01:36 Adam Steelers.

1:01:37 Caller Really? Steelers?

1:01:37 Drew Such a plus, such a plus, Drew.

1:01:39 Adam Yeah, because I just during that time.

1:01:40 Drew So easy just to pick a team from some random place across the country because they're winning.

1:01:46 Adam My ideal Super Bowl was the Rams, Steelers, Super Bowl.

1:01:49 Caller That happened.

1:01:50 Drew Yeah. Well, okay, here's the point.

1:01:53 Adam And it was in the Rose Bowl. I lived in Pasadena at the time. And I was on an airplane during the thing.

1:01:57 Caller Are you serious?

1:01:58 Adam Yes.

1:01:58 Caller How so?

1:01:59 Adam Going back to college.

1:02:01 Drew Did you have to go back to college on Super Bowl Sunday?

1:02:03 Caller Is that your vacation from Miami to Santa Barbara, the famous college vacation?

1:02:08 Adam No, I went to college in Massachusetts and I came out here for a Christmas vacation or something.

1:02:11 Drew You call yourself a man? Actually, Drew doesn't call himself a man. He mints as a chair. But you got on a plane on Super Bowl Sunday?

1:02:19 Adam How crazy is that?

1:02:20 Drew Yeah, that's no. We need to talk. This isn't over. We're going to discuss this after the show.

1:02:26 Adam All right.

1:02:26 Drew The point is, is Carlos is a big Cowboys fan because when he was seven, they were winning. And now he got all into them. And I'm probably one of the guys who would make fun of me for continuing to be a Rams fan even though they've left, even though he's never been in the state of Texas. What's happening, Carlos? You ever been to Texas?

1:02:46 Caller I went once. My dad took me to a ball game in 92.

1:02:50 Drew 92.

1:02:51 Adam And that's where he became the fan.

1:02:52 Caller And that was their Super Bowl season.

1:02:54 Adam That was 12 years ago.

1:02:55 Drew That was it.

1:02:55 It was before they won the Super Bowl, though.

1:02:57 Caller They were just a team back then.

1:02:58 Adam It was the Super Bowl season, right?

1:03:00 Drew Yeah. Yeah. And you've lived in Los Angeles your whole life?

1:03:04 Caller Yes. I grew up in LA.

1:03:06 Drew All right. So, your question to Rich is what?

1:03:10 Caller Well, actually, I just want to make another argument, too. My question was I wanted just more team insight, kind of like what they do on HBO. What is it? HBO Hard Knocks?

1:03:21 Caller Oh, we had something called Inside Training Camp with the Jacksonville Javars. Five weeks of behind the scenes.

1:03:27 Drew It's awesome.

1:03:28 Caller Yeah, Jacksonville.

1:03:29 Caller I mean, then...

1:03:30 Drew All right. All right. All right.

1:03:31 Caller Wow, that's turned into Sports Talk. He was a first-time listener, long-time...

1:03:35 Drew Whatever that was. Idiot. No, I know. He's a Dallas fan. What's LA?

1:03:39 Caller Those are first-time...

1:03:40 Drew Cowboy crazy...

1:03:41 Caller .callers, long-time listeners. Remember that movie, The Paper Lion?

1:03:45 Drew Yeah.

1:03:45 Caller That's the ultimate reality show right there.

1:03:47 Drew When I went to the Dallas Cowboy Training Camp when I was in high school...

1:03:52 Caller Did you know?

1:03:53 Drew You did? Yeah. Yeah, they had this program where they took the top two or three guys from every team in the CIF or something, and you got to go visit the Dallas Cowboy Training Camp.

1:04:07 Adam You went to Texas while you were in high school?

1:04:09 Drew They were out here.

1:04:12 Caller They're back here now.

1:04:13 Drew They always were out here, or then they went back and whatever.

1:04:16 Caller They're here again, yeah.

1:04:17 Drew Went down there, had lunch, watched game films.

1:04:20 Caller Lunch with Drew Pearson or something?

1:04:21 Drew Tom Landry and... Starbuck. No, it was just Danny White here. Just past him. But, oh, Bob Brunel, what the hell, the middle backer's name.

1:04:33 Caller Ken Norton Jr. told me a great Tom Landry story.

1:04:36 Drew Let's hear it.

1:04:36 Caller If you don't, if he had it. He said that he and Michael Irvin started out at the same time with the Cowboys and they were all excited.

1:04:45 Drew Oh, they did?

1:04:46 Caller Yeah, they did. Ken Norton Jr. and Michael Irvin.

1:04:50 Drew I thought Ken, he went from there to Frisco? I thought he went from Frisco to there.

1:04:53 Caller No, no, he started, he was drafted by Dallas.

1:04:55 Drew Oh, and then went Frisco. Yeah, I would have thought that Irvin was there five years earlier.

1:04:59 Caller No, no, they came in together. And this was the, you know, Landry's last year and the Cowboys were terrible. And it was the first preseason game, first time they ever put on a new uniform, put on the star. They were all excited. They just looked at each other and said, can you believe this is it? I mean, Dallas Cowboys, the NFL were here, finally here. Tom Landry comes in with the hat, gets ready to give the whole speech and they're thinking, what is this guy going to say? And he just looks at him and says, hey, guys, don't F it up.

1:05:28 Drew Really?

1:05:28 Caller That's it?

1:05:28 What was his speech before that?

1:05:31 Caller They're like, what was that?

1:05:32 Drew Tom Landry.

1:05:33 Yeah.

1:05:34 Drew Oh, yeah. I guess Ken Norton started there at junior and then, then went over to Frisco. God, I can't believe those guys entered the league at the same time. It's like Irving seemed like a seasoned vet, you know, a year or two into his career and Ken Norton seemed like.

1:05:48 Caller It's not a bad draft class. Not a bad class.

1:05:50 Drew No. Yeah. And by the way, Ken Norton Jr. how much credit did he get? Do you ever see what his dad looks like with his shirt off?

1:05:57 Caller Son of Mandingo.

1:05:59 Drew I'm going to kick my dad right in the nuts. Yeah.

1:06:02 Adam I've seen you with a shirt off too. Yeah, you should.

1:06:04 Drew I should give him a nice swift kick. He had nuts. I'd give him a boot right in. How dare you, Drew? How dare you? Marlon? Have you seen him with a shirt on? Yeah, you're 28.

1:06:16 Adam You keep talking about your nipples all the time.

1:06:18 Caller What?

1:06:18 Drew Wow, they're sensitive. Go ahead, Marlon.

1:06:21 Caller Yes, I have a question.

1:06:22 Caller I don't know if it's a problem of low self-esteem or if I've just been permanently ruined. I am a gay male, 28, and for 11-

1:06:31 Adam You're gay. Yeah, it's gay.

1:06:33 Caller Keep going. For the record, we can throw footballs and baseballs just like everyone else.

1:06:37 Drew Yeah. But then we find out what you are.

1:06:42 Adam Come on.

1:06:42 Caller Yeah, and we lose our salary.

1:06:43 Adam You're gay.

1:06:44 Caller Yes, I am a gay male, and for 11 years, I was in love with a person who I can't say was gay, didn't show any signs of being gay, things like that. However, did everything for this person. Apartment, paid his child support.

1:06:58 Adam Wait, wait. You can't say that you lived with him, but you can't say that he was gay?

1:07:04 Caller I didn't say I lived with him. Oh, no. Paid for his apartment.

1:07:07 Drew Paid for his apartment.

1:07:08 Caller Paid for his apartment just out of three years ago. In Texas, no doubt.

1:07:14 Adam I'm totally confused.

1:07:16 Drew Hold on a second. It's not all that confusing. Yeah, like a boy toy.

1:07:22 Adam A boy toy that he didn't have sex with, who he didn't think was gay, who he kept in an apartment in Texas.

1:07:28 Drew Yeah.

1:07:29 Caller For 11 years.

1:07:29 Adam For 11 years.

1:07:30 Drew That was in Norton Jr. That man.

1:07:33 Adam You don't understand why I'm confused?

1:07:35 Drew Yeah, but you know, I think a fair amount of this stuff goes on, which is there are guys who, they're not gay, I'm talking about the guy who was kept, but they don't got a whole lot of pride and they got less money.

1:07:47 Adam And they get kept by men but don't sleep with them?

1:07:50 Drew Yeah, you give a little reach around every once in a while around runtime. I mean, you know how the game is played, Drew. Look, hey, Rich, I'm not going to kid you, I had to do what I had to do.

1:07:58 Caller Listen.

1:07:58 Drew You know what I'm saying?

1:08:00 Caller If a man's got a felch, he's got a felch. I hear you.

1:08:07 Drew Please work that in instead of shellac.

1:08:09 Adam Yeah, please. Felch. I'm watching. I'm two-voiling every two, every two-twelve.

1:08:14 Caller And the Niners felch the Raiders by six. Awesome. Is that good?

1:08:19 Caller No, I didn't keep him for 11 years. It was just actually for the past seven, but I met him 11 years ago. So when I moved to Texas and paid for everything, I mean, the whole I Love You is on the phone, hang out, no, there was no physical contact whatsoever.

1:08:36 Drew Why not?

1:08:38 Caller I have no idea, gave the impression that he was gay, but then he wasn't, you know, his ex-girlfriend.

1:08:44 Drew Well, look, he just wanted, he didn't want to work. He wanted you to pay the bills.

1:08:49 Caller Oh, yeah, he worked. Oh, yeah, he made decent money, but his ex-girlfriend will come over, but, you know, he...

1:08:56 Drew Why, why are you paying for the apartment if he's making decent money?

1:08:59 Caller He needed help.

1:09:01 Drew Okay, why does he need help?

1:09:04 Caller He didn't manage money as well as I do.

1:09:08 Drew Is he a drug adder? What is he, yeah?

1:09:10 Caller He is Irish.

1:09:14 Caller What does that have to do with it?

1:09:16 Caller And, yeah, he had a drinking problem.

1:09:17 Caller He's...

1:09:18 Adam He had what, problems?

1:09:19 Caller He had a drinking problem. All right, all right.

1:09:22 Drew So, you know, after, you know, eight years of no physical contact, didn't you just write this one off?

1:09:29 Caller Well, that's my whole point. Now that we don't talk as of the past two years, no matter who I meet, no matter who I see, I don't date now because of this person.

1:09:39 Adam You're gay. No, Marlon, you skipped right over Adam's question. Ask it again.

1:09:44 Drew I'm too tired.

1:09:45 Caller Your question, Adam.

1:09:46 Drew Listen, Marlon, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm done with the gay questions. Here, here's the whole thing. It's not because of this guy. There's something that made you a candidate to be in a, you know...

1:09:56 Adam A crazy relationship...

1:09:57 Drew .unrequited love relationship for 11 years. That's why you're having difficulty now. Not because this guy ruined you. You, you were screwed up enough to engage in this sham of a relationship for 11 years. He, you were screwed up to start with.

1:10:11 Adam Yeah, to think that was a relationship where basically somebody was just exploiting you.

1:10:15 Drew Yeah.

1:10:16 Adam And keeping you sort of strangely on the line, but also quite at a distance.

1:10:20 Drew Right.

1:10:21 Adam That, that's not a relationship. But dude, there's one thing if it were three months, it would have been weird enough. But eight years. Eight years.

1:10:26 Drew Well, and let me explain something about the gay libido. They can't go ten minutes without putting it some, some way. That's not.

1:10:32 Adam Everybody.

1:10:33 Drew Well, they're men. It's man on man.

1:10:35 Adam They have the option to do that.

1:10:36 Drew Drew, we would be 69ing right now if we were gay. I would have your, your sack mic'd up so we could do the show. And that's how we would do it. It was like every night. Where's Jordan? He's 69. Just, just dumping coffee into my mouth. We'd just be on the floor. You mean you're a man of passion. I'm a man who's receptive to passion, yes?

1:10:56 Adam Yes.

1:10:59 Drew No, yeah, that's why there's so much gay love. You got two guys in charge of deciding when we should get it on. Answer now.

1:11:06 Adam It's true.

1:11:08 Drew Rich, come on, buddy.

1:11:09 Caller No, I'm just...

1:11:09 Drew You and Chris doing your thing over in the corner.

1:11:11 Caller Yeah, I mean...

1:11:12 Drew Me and Drew over here.

1:11:14 Adam He's, he's having trouble.

1:11:15 Caller Wack my mug on a different mic.

1:11:16 Drew That's right. Marlon.

1:11:18 Caller Yes?

1:11:19 Drew Okay, so look, something's going on with you and intimacy. And that's good.

1:11:25 Caller I can give myself an attractive gay male, but I'm sure you aren't.

1:11:28 Adam The self-esteem thing is ancillary. It's a function of you having difficulty with your sense of yourself. You're probably a trauma survivor, I bet.

1:11:37 Drew You gotta... A little therapy, a little therapy. Most gay males are attractive. You gotta be.

1:11:43 Adam Ask him with trauma. Trauma, yes or no?

1:11:47 Drew Marlon?

1:11:47 Caller No trauma.

1:11:49 Adam No trauma.

1:11:50 Caller No trauma. No trauma. No trauma, no trauma, no.

1:11:53 Adam Really? You were never hit growing up?

1:11:55 Caller No. I had a black mother from the south. Of course we were spanked.

1:11:58 Adam Okay, well that's trauma. Where was your dad?

1:12:03 Caller My father was never around.

1:12:05 Adam Okay, and that's trauma.

1:12:06 Drew See, you got a mom whacking you with a slipper and a dad who's absent.

1:12:09 Adam These are traumas. And then did anybody in the neighborhood do anything to you when you were like 10, 11 years old or 12?

1:12:15 Caller No, of course I was bullied. You know, every gay kid was.

1:12:19 Adam I mean, did somebody like get sexually involved with you when you were young, you know, early teens?

1:12:24 Caller No, actually.

1:12:25 Drew All right.

1:12:25 Adam How old were you when you lost your virginity?

1:12:26 Caller I was 18 and it was to a girl.

1:12:28 Adam Oh, that's interesting.

1:12:31 Drew She's got egg on her face. All right, Marlon. A little therapy, buddy. You're a good guy.

1:12:37 Adam Yeah, it's about the relationships.

1:12:38 Drew Why me and these relationships?

1:12:40 Adam Yeah, it's not about your esteem. I mean, that's all there, but it's about your capacity to be intimate is what's impaired here.

1:12:45 Caller 11 years.

1:12:46 Adam Yeah, that's, that's a you're into longing. Being into longing is not being into intimacy.

1:12:53 Drew I'm going to throw up the break how it would sound if you and I were gay, Drew. And we were, you know, mic'd up in our positions. Drew, you're close. Rich Eisen.

1:13:08 Caller Rich, how you doing? Rich, just hold the thumb up, you know.

1:13:27 Drew Guess how many Terrific Sense Axe Deodorant Body Spray comes in? No, it's more. No, more. No, seven. Anyway, seven's enough, right?

1:13:40 Adam This sounds great.

1:14:05 Drew Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Rich Eisen is here tonight from the NFL Network. Thank you. Channel 212, everybody. Yeah. All right, how much copy does, yes?

1:14:24 Caller No, I just, I like the Channel 212, everybody, thing that made me laugh right there.

1:14:29 Adam Oh, really? In fact, he was sort of warm feeling over, thank God, there's a reason I came in here tonight.

1:14:35 Caller Yeah, because otherwise, no, I'll beat the crap out of his agent so he gets to the car. I'm enjoying this thoroughly. I'm enjoying this thoroughly.

1:14:42 Drew How much of the copy, oh, I'll just go back to ESPN days. Sure. How much of the copy that was loaded into the teleprompter was written by the person that was reading the teleprompter? Really?

1:14:54 Caller Every last word.

1:14:55 Adam You don't get a preliminary thing from somebody you've shaped up?

1:14:58 Caller No, that's the thing, that's the best part of the job. Is you get to write and create your own stuff.

1:15:02 Adam Does somebody review it, producers?

1:15:03 Caller Yes, there are a couple things that I've, there are two instances in which I was edited in my ESPN days. One was, I wanted the biggest, fattest picture of Hideki Arabu when he first came up for the Yankees.

1:15:18 Drew Right.

1:15:18 Caller And my line was, what's in his sushi? Peanut butter. And they put the kibosh on that.

1:15:24 Drew Really?

1:15:25 Caller True story.

1:15:26 Drew Why? Why?

1:15:27 Caller I don't know. And then the second time was, Pat Bowlin, the owner of the Denver Broncos, was in the Super Bowl parade in his convertible with his blonde wife holding the Lombardi trophy in his hand and I scripted, there's Pat Bowlin with his trophy. And I said, well, what's wrong with that? And the issue was that they had to edit in, I wanted them to edit in the shot that wasn't already in the tape that was edited.

1:16:01 Drew They didn't want to do the trophy wife.

1:16:03 Caller But I'm like, well, what about that scenario is incorrect? He's holding his trophy.

1:16:09 Drew Sometimes you have him on a...

1:16:10 Caller Truth is my ally on this.

1:16:11 Drew You have him on a technicality. One of my greatest victories, by the way, for the Man Show.

1:16:17 Adam Was it your underpants victory?

1:16:20 Drew No, that was another monumental day. We used to do the Man Show on Comedy Central. Our executives were menopausal women. So it was comical.

1:16:32 Adam With the white problems.

1:16:32 Caller The Man Show executives were menopausal women.

1:16:35 Drew Yes, yes, yes they were. And they were liberal, 40 or 50 something year old, very educated women.

1:16:46 Caller Not exactly your target audience.

1:16:48 Drew Not exactly the target audience. So when we wanted to do the parodies of the douche commercials about the stink down there, they objected vehemently. But one time we got in an argument with them about like a racial joke. And it was like two, I think it was like, you know, two Ukrainian women are standing at the produce thing and then one picks up a potato and says, this reminds me of my husband. And we went and they said, well, now that's offensive because you're making fun of, I don't know, Ukrainian people or something. Whatever it was, I don't even remember the national. We went back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. And eventually I beat them on a technicality because I said, Debbie, I said, what's your nationality? She's like, I'm Irish. Oh, what about your husband? He's Italian. I said, okay, my mother's English, my dad's Italian. I said, Jimmy, everybody's parents were different. So I said, the two Ukrainian women are talking about their husbands. We don't know that their husbands are Ukrainian. They may be a different nationality, just like everyone else. Thus the joke about the schlong that smells like a dirty, like a potato or whatever it was doesn't work. It's not making fun of any ethnic group since we never know what ethnicity their husbands are just because they're Ukrainian. And they, you know what, like in classic retard form, they're like, well, you got us.

1:18:10 Caller Slip that one past the goalie.

1:18:13 Drew And big victory. Didn't get a laugh, but I knew in my heart. I knew in my heart that was a huge.

1:18:19 Adam You knew you lived to tell the story on radio.

1:18:21 Drew Huge victory for me. Yeah, so the guys, so and on NFL, same thing, right? Write all the copy that goes into the front there.

1:18:29 Caller Sure, absolutely.

1:18:30 Drew That sucks. Gotta get some monkey writing that stuff for you.

1:18:34 Caller No, I'm loving it, actually.

1:18:34 Drew Really?

1:18:35 Caller Well, you wouldn't want anybody writing your stuff for you, would you?

1:18:37 Drew I would, I would, I would like to. In theory, I would. But then you read it and it's like.

1:18:42 Caller You gotta be kidding me, you're right, exactly.

1:18:44 Drew Yeah, Eric, maybe just for a break, I should write your stuff and you could write my stuff.

1:18:49 Caller That'd be great.

1:18:50 Adam Feel rich in on what we're about to do here.

1:18:52 Drew Oh, we're doing something called Germany or Florida. This is a game that is sweeping the nation, which is all the macabre and morose and bizarre stories from the world. Anything that's weird either emanates from Germany or Florida. No, I'm not talking about a guy got drunk and shot his wife. I'm talking about cut his own toes off and fried it up in the pan and then ate it. That's Germany or Florida. He tells the story. We decide, is it Germany or Florida? Eric?

1:19:26 Adam Hello?

1:19:27 Drew Go ahead, Eric.

1:19:28 Caller This is Derek.

1:19:30 Drew This is Derek.

1:19:31 Adam Derek, your pardon.

1:19:32 Drew Go ahead, Derek.

1:19:34 A 26-year-old man put an entire bottle of laxative in his boss's coffee, which ended up sending his boss to the hospital.

1:19:42 Drew I'm going to jump in. I'm going Florida.

1:19:44 Adam Florida.

1:19:44 Drew This is Florida.

1:19:46 Adam I can name that in.

1:19:47 Drew Yeah.

1:19:48 Caller Florida.

1:19:48 Drew It feels Florida to me.

1:19:49 Caller I hear that.

1:19:50 Adam Just doesn't feel German.

1:19:51 Drew Derek, we're going Florida.

1:19:53 Caller Already?

1:19:54 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

1:19:56 Caller But that's no fun.

1:19:58 Adam It's fun if we're right.

1:20:00 Drew Is it Florida?

1:20:01 Caller Well, no. Or you want to take another guess?

1:20:06 Adam Well, no.

1:20:06 Drew Keep going. If he works later hosing in or something, I'm going to kill myself. Keep going.

1:20:12 Caller So the boss goes to the hospital, finds out who the employee was that did it, presses charges against him, and the man is convicted and is now serving two years for assault.

1:20:25 Adam That's Florida.

1:20:26 Drew We're still in Florida. We're still in Florida, Eric.

1:20:30 Caller Still sticking with Florida?

1:20:31 Drew Still sticking with Florida.

1:20:32 All right.

1:20:33 Caller Well, OK.

1:20:37 Caller I may have misunderstood the game.

1:20:40 Drew Was it Germany or Florida?

1:20:42 Caller No, because it was actually in Mobile, Alabama.

1:20:47 Drew We have to fire our screeners.

1:20:48 Adam Oh, my God.

1:20:49 Caller It's close to Florida. It's right next to Florida.

1:20:54 Drew Whatever hurricane hits Florida hits Mobile. Yeah.

1:20:56 Adam All right.

1:20:57 Drew So can we change the name of the show from Germany or Florida Mobile?

1:21:01 Caller How about Germany or close proximity to Florida? States that are but Florida.

1:21:07 Adam Germany or South East?

1:21:09 Drew How difficult is it to misunderstand the game Germany or Florida?

1:21:17 Adam Oh, my God.

1:21:19 Caller In some states, it's Germany or Florida or Alabama.

1:21:21 Adam Oh, my God.

1:21:23 Drew Derek was functionally retarded. We have the world's dumbest scholars.

1:21:30 Caller That was his alter ego, Eric, actually.

1:21:33 He told Brian, Florida.

1:21:35 Drew He told him Florida? Yeah. All right. All right.

1:21:38 Caller So that means you guys were right.

1:21:39 Adam Yeah. Except he said move to Alabama.

1:21:42 Drew Now you wonder, let me say this. Derek seems stymied and somewhat upset that we got the answer. It's sort of like when someone's telling a joke and you go, I've heard it. But he seemed a little mad that we got to it.

1:21:55 Adam Maybe he was going to try to throw a wrench in it by telling us.

1:21:58 Drew I think he shoved a little twig in our spokes there.

1:22:03 Caller I got a story for you, actually.

1:22:04 Drew Let's hear it.

1:22:05 Caller Let me play this for you.

1:22:06 Adam We're supposed to pick Germany or Florida, right?

1:22:07 Caller Correct. I will tell you right off the bat, this did not happen in Alabama. That's the one hint I'll give you. A dentist and one of his patients conspire to fraud in insurance by cutting off one of the dentist's fingers because he wouldn't be able to practice with a mangled hand. Right. So they go ahead and get set to do it. Last minute, the dentist says, I don't want to do it. They cut off the guy's finger anyway.

1:22:42 Drew The dentist's finger anyway even though he protest.

1:22:44 Caller Why within it?

1:22:44 Adam They're going to share the insurance or something?

1:22:46 Caller They were going to share the insurance. Correct. And so what ends up happening was the dentist at this point then goes to the authorities, rats on the guy who cut off his finger anyway, and asked for his finger back. The guy's going to bring it back in exchange for some money, and they bust the guy when he brings his finger back.

1:23:09 Drew Is that now, is that Germany or Florida?

1:23:11 Caller I'm not kidding you right now. I cut this out of a newspaper once when I saw it because it was so freaky.

1:23:17 Adam I was leaning towards Germany most of the way until the-

1:23:21 Drew Just the finger cutting. But then when the deal soured-

1:23:24 Adam Florida.

1:23:25 Drew Then I'm thinking Florida. Going Florida. Florida.

1:23:27 Caller You'd be correct.

1:23:28 Adam Yeah.

1:23:29 Caller I believe that happened in Jacksonville, Florida actually.

1:23:31 Drew Give us a hand.

1:23:32 Caller Thank you. I come correct, and I-

1:23:35 Adam Come prepared.

1:23:36 Drew Not many people show up with a Germany or Florida in their hip pockets on a radio show, but Rich Eisen. You know what I'm telling you, Rich Eisen, he is-

1:23:45 Adam Ranging.

1:23:46 Drew He is the Leather Man, the Swiss Army Knife of Gets. He's got- What do you need, a toothpick or a corkscrew? It's in Rich.

1:23:52 Adam I got you.

1:23:54 Drew All right. Let's take one more call. See if we can wash the stink of that Germany or Florida debacle off us. Rebecca?

1:24:02 Adam We are batting 1,000 for the Florida and Germany thing. We have not lost in a month.

1:24:06 Drew Really? We've been very powerful, very strong, very strong team. We're the New York Yankees of Germany and Florida. And believe me, once we drop that line on the chicks at the bar, they go nuts. Payers come flying right off.

1:24:20 Adam Rebecca? What's up?

1:24:22 Drew What's happening? You're 19.

1:24:23 Caller Nothing much. I'm driving home.

1:24:27 Adam From where, I have to ask?

1:24:28 Caller Germany or Florida?

1:24:30 Caller I work at a restaurant in Florida and I'm driving to Germany, actually.

1:24:35 Drew Fantastic.

1:24:37 Caller What's up, Babydoll?I've been masturbating for a while now. I'm 19 and for the past six months, every time I orgasm, I get really bad cramps in my lower abdomen.

1:24:54 Adam Okay. A couple questions. Are you on any medication?

1:24:57 Caller No.

1:24:57 Adam Have you had any history of tubal infections?

1:25:00 Caller No.

1:25:02 Adam It may just be one of those things. Some people get cramps, the pubococcygous muscle can spasm and you can get a funky, awful feeling down there. Men tend to get that more than women.

1:25:10 Drew Really? I get a calf cramp every once in a while when I'm trying to pull a hat trick.

1:25:14 Adam A hat trick? It's only when you're by yourself though, you're not pulling it with somebody present, right?

1:25:19 Drew No.

1:25:20 Adam Yeah, of course.

1:25:21 Drew I'm going to have orgasm with someone in the room.

1:25:23 Adam Sometimes you have to with your wife, but more than once, certainly no.

1:25:27 Drew You don't go for the hat trick with the old lady. That's ace time.

1:25:30 Adam Yeah.

1:25:31 Drew Yeah, that's when it's time to dig deep, dig deep, see what it made out, you know what I mean?

1:25:37 Adam Try and turn inside out.

1:25:40 Drew I'm trying to pull myself inside out. Yeah. Those hat trick days are over, by the way, Drew.

1:25:46 Adam Oh, by the way.

1:25:47 Drew That's why it's in the rear view. No. I make the proclamation I'm going for the hat trick, but then it's just a half.

1:25:54 Adam You're making Rich uncomfortable. You're making our guest really uncomfortable.

1:25:57 Caller I'm not at all.

1:25:58 Adam If he had a tie, he'd be like...

1:26:00 Caller I'm not uncomfortable at all.

1:26:02 Drew Speaking of uncomfortable in the tie, I don't know why this reminded me of it. Not funny, sad, but ironic, I heard a couple of days ago that Ronnie Dangerfield was in a coma. Yeah, yeah. Right? And then I've been seeing the promo where he's guest starring on Still Standing. And I thought...

1:26:22 Adam That's ironic.

1:26:23 Drew That's sick.

1:26:24 Caller It's a fitting term, too. Still standing.

1:26:28 Adam He was in bad shape when we saw him like six years ago. I mean, he's in a coma now. That is a bad sign.

1:26:32 Drew Well, they say... Hey, how you doing? Who's... They said like a light coma or something, isn't it? And like an easy listening coma or anything? No. There's no lies or...

1:26:43 Adam Cool jazz.

1:26:43 Drew What'd you do if someone's in a coma? Yeah.

1:26:46 Adam Well, it means all system failing at that.

1:26:48 Drew There's no quiet storm.

1:26:50 Adam There's also alcohol withdrawal related stuff that people get into.

1:26:52 Drew Oh, that's true. How daring. We'll take a... Rich Eisen, when someone's in a coma, they say go talk to them and stuff. Is that it? Let me tell you how that would work for me. Like my loved one was in a coma.

1:27:02 Caller How would that work?

1:27:03 Drew I would sit down and be like, hey, Dad, I'm here. Dad. Hey, Dad. I'm going to get something to eat. Anyone want anything? I'm out of here. Come on. I'm going to read him a book. He's in a coma. If anything, he gets the Sharpie senior Wences mustache. First thing he gets. All right, because that's time to go nuts with the Sharpie.

1:27:28 Adam It's all right.

1:27:28 Drew It's all right. We'll take a quick break. Rich Eisen here. NFL Network 212, everybody, on your dish. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Let's dock Drew over there. Rich Eisen is here tonight. NFL Network, and that is a channel. What, Drew?

1:28:27 Adam 212.

1:28:29 Drew 212.

1:28:30 Caller On your DirecTV dial.

1:28:32 Drew On that dish. I like the DirecTV couple. Not sure if they're getting it on or not. Good looking chicks.

1:28:38 Caller Tonya Memmi, is that her name?

1:28:39 Drew Yeah, squirrely guy. Why does a guy gotta be squirrely?

1:28:42 Adam I love that DirecTV.

1:28:44 Drew She's hot. She's just a pee whippin the guy all over the place.

1:28:47 Caller Is there any sweater vest telling you what's coming up on pay-per-view?

1:28:51 Drew Not quite sure if they're getting it on or they're together or what their status is. They don't seem married. Clearly he's hot for her.

1:28:58 Adam No, no, no. Here's the deal. She's there for you and he's no competition.

1:29:02 Caller Well done.

1:29:03 Drew Yeah.

1:29:03 Caller That's breaking it down there.

1:29:05 Drew She is, she's hot. And it's weird how you can start, like you're fall in love with chicks from a commercial to some smoking hot chick on a beer commercial or a tequila commercial or something. And the chick will never get hotter than the commercial because you only see her for it. The commercial is 30 seconds and she gets about eight seconds of air time and looks like a goddess for the goddess for those eight seconds. You know what I mean? Even if you fall in love with a chick is on 90210 or some some show that's reoccurring. Eventually, there'll be an episode where she doesn't look too hot. That'll be the thing. And then you'll be out of it again. Commercial chicks always always smoking hot. They never they never lose it. That's true. I can remember falling in love with the Noxzema woman.

1:29:54 Adam No, the the models at like the price is right.

1:30:01 Caller No question. Now they're all Playboy bunnies. Yeah. All of them now. All the Parker beauties have had to strip in Playboy.

1:30:09 Drew Right. Yeah. But, but, but.

1:30:11 Caller He knows what he's doing.

1:30:11 Drew But by the way, and speaking of football, it's like, you know, by the time Barker's beauties get to Playboy, it's like by the time Namath got to the Rams, it's like, oh, no, no, no, we don't want this Namath. We want Broadway Joe, not the guy. Getting getting out of the locker room, a whirlpool tub, you know, that's the whole thing. It's like, yeah, there's a time period where we want Namath. There's a time period when we want to see them naked. It's not in their fifties.

1:30:37 Adam By the way, he's had the good judgment to stay out of the public limelight.

1:30:43 Drew Joe or?

1:30:43 Adam Yeah, Joe.

1:30:45 Drew Oh, you mean after his drunken, unfortunate remarks.

1:30:48 Caller He's coming up on a full year of staying sober.

1:30:51 Drew Oh, is he? Yeah. I hate that when guys get a little juiced up, say something funny and then have to pretend like they're sorry and apologize to everybody. He's a little...

1:31:00 Caller Like Jimmy the Greek?

1:31:01 Drew Yeah, Jimmy the Greek. Got tossed off the air for making a good racial joke, you know.

1:31:05 Adam It wasn't a joke.

1:31:09 Drew And I... I like this.

1:31:09 Adam I take calls before you put yourself up. Kristen, 16.

1:31:14 Caller Yes.

1:31:14 Adam What's up?

1:31:17 Caller From June of last year until January of this year, I was in a relationship with a guy. I mean, our entire relationship was based on sex.

1:31:26 Caller Based on what?

1:31:27 Adam Sex.

1:31:28 Drew Sex.

1:31:29 Adam And?

1:31:30 Caller Go.

1:31:34 Caller Okay.

1:31:35 Caller So, sex is like an addiction for me. Any time I'm stressed out, it's like a drug. And for the last couple months, see, we ended up breaking up, and I got in a relationship like too soon afterwards with somebody else, and we ended up breaking up, and we're back together now.

1:31:59 Drew Her phone is driving me nuts, and she doesn't pronounce the X in sex.

1:32:03 Adam I think she was asked a question about why she went from being hypersexualized to not wanting sex, and that is typical of people that have had sexual abuse. They will have a bipolar quality where they will go from wanting it all the time to not wanting it all and shutting down, and particularly you'll shut down when you actually get in a good relationship.

1:32:18 Drew Kristen?

1:32:19 Caller Yeah.

1:32:19 Drew Sexual abuse?

1:32:22 Caller Yeah.

1:32:23 Adam Okay. So there you go.

1:32:24 Caller Yeah.

1:32:24 Caller When I was like two or three, my mom, my mom's a manic depressive and she just left me with my father.

1:32:34 Drew He abused you sexually?

1:32:35 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:32:36 Drew How about some therapy?

1:32:39 Caller Well, I've been in and out of psych therapy. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

1:32:46 Adam Sorry. So get the bipolar managed. That's a medication issue. And then go to SA, go to Sex Addicts Anonymous.

1:32:53 Drew That's gonna be good for you. All right. Now we've got a question for Rich Eisen, by the way. Joseph?

1:33:00 Caller Yeah, I want to ask Rich about the chargers.

1:33:05 Caller Yeah, I know, I know.

1:33:07 Drew Yeah.

1:33:08 Adam What about them?

1:33:09 Caller Well, I want to know if they'll be good in five years. What does he think?

1:33:15 Caller The five-year plan, like the Stalin plan of the San Diego Chargers. Yeah. Yeah, I think they'll be good in five years.

1:33:23 Adam People sometimes talk about the chargers as though they've been a football dynasty or something, because they had a couple of good seasons, you know?

1:33:28 Drew Yeah.

1:33:29 Caller Well, I just...

1:33:29 Adam Oh, if you get them back to the charge, you get them back. Yeah.

1:33:32 Drew They never won a Super Bowl.

1:33:34 Adam They were never that good. I mean, they don't have a dynasty.

1:33:36 Caller They made it to a Super Bowl and got spanked.

1:33:38 Adam They had a couple of good years.

1:33:39 Drew Yeah, they got a couple of good years with fouls and, you know, later on with, I don't know who. The point is Breeze is playing well.

1:33:47 Caller Yeah, he is. And Latane Thomas is one of the best in the business.

1:33:50 Drew Yeah.

1:33:51 Caller Philip Rivers is going to take Breeze's job eventually. Oh, really?

1:33:54 Drew There he is.

1:33:55 Caller So, could happen this year.

1:33:56 Drew Son of Jonah Rivers, Drew, did you know that?

1:33:58 Adam Fascinating.

1:33:58 Drew We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:34:16 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:34:19 Caller Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:34:24 Caller This hour brought to you in part by Axe.

1:34:26 Caller Experience the Axe Effect.

1:34:56 Drew Well, everybody, that's the show next week. Corn in Studio, Interpol in Studio, Seth McFarland from The Family Guy, Boston and the IndyCar Drivers. Cake next week. I want to thank Rich Eisen, a delight.

1:35:09 Caller My pleasure, guys.

1:35:11 Drew 212, everybody, the NFL Network. Watch it. No better time than tonight, possibly early tomorrow morning. I want to thank engineer Chris for doing a fantabulous job and never disappointing. I mean, never disappointing. Even when it's in a disappointing way, it's not disappointing. It's consistently disappointing.

1:35:31 Adam He never disappoints.

1:35:32 Drew So he never disappoints when he's always disappointing. I want to thank engineer Anderson for whipping his magic fingers. So all of those potentiometers. And digging Howard Cosell out of his ass. Awesome. Awesome. Phone screener Brian for doing a great job even though I'm looking at him now, wondering why he's not doing his job. And junior, junior, junior, junior, sir Lorne and senior producer Ryan for booking great guests like Rich Eisen. So until next time, this Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:36:02 Caller Bad blood between those two. This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Voicewood One Entertainment.

1:37:00 Caller Get it on.

Episode Feedback

Thursday, September 23, 2004