Episode 1000647127033

0:56 Voiceover Love Line is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised.

1:09 Voiceover This is Loveline.

1:20 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician. Oh, yeah. Break it down. Let's break it down. Let's get it on. Let's get it on. Yeah. Drew.

1:38 Drew Yeah.

1:39 Adam Wearing his Best Damn Sports Show period shirt.

1:42 Drew Isn't that great?

1:43 Adam Yeah.

1:43 Drew I like this shirt.

1:45 Adam I did that today.

1:46 Drew Hey, you're wearing the Man Show shirt. Oh, wait a minute. You've been wearing that for 47 days in a row.

1:51 Adam Well, you know how I have apparel momentum. It goes out of the closet. It goes onto the floor, and then I pick it up before I come in here again.

1:59 Drew Were you on the Best Damn Sports Show talking about the fight?

2:02 Adam No. I was on the Best Damn Sports Show talking about the Feast of San Gennaro.

2:08 Drew Oh, yeah, yeah.

2:09 Adam Yeah, we're having. Yeah. Nice. It's Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Out at the Grove. We've, oh, yeah.

2:16 Drew Expanded.

2:17 Adam We've expanded. Jimmy's put his considerable girth behind it.

2:21 Drew And now that this is sort of a compensation for there being no Little Italy in Los Angeles, we have a Little Italy Festival.

2:28 Adam The thing about Los Angeles is, you know, these other cities, they have things you can hang your hat on. They have, like, San Gennaro Feasts and stuff. Over here, I don't know. Maybe if you got, if you're white or something, you just can't really do anything except for a gay pride parade. We don't, we, here's all we got over here. We got gays. That's it. We got gay parades and then we got whatever culture you are, but we got nothing. We don't have any Irish stuff. And we don't have any Italian stuff.

2:57 Drew But, see, the thing is, you gotta remember how this country was settled. They came from, sort of, Europe to the East Coast.

3:02 Adam Right.

3:02 Drew Now we got the Pacific coming over here.

3:05 Adam Right.

3:05 Drew So we got the Pacific Rim stuff. We got Taiwan.

3:09 Adam And we got, we got a lot of Cinco de Mayo crap and a lot of gay stuff. But we don't have any good stuff.

3:14 But we have all good Asian stuff.

3:17 Adam Indian stuff?

3:17 Drew Asian.

3:18 Adam Oh, Asian, yeah. That's a kick in the pants there. That's a good time there. Couple of guys in a dragon outfit dropping black cats on the ground. Yeah, you like some more cat soup? Fantastic. Alright, I'm going home now. That's what that is. Look, let's face it, the Italians know how to throw feasts. They know how to party over there. San Gennaro. It's a great feast.

3:40 Drew What does San Gennaro stand for?

3:42 Adam I don't know. It's a feast of San Gennaro.

3:46 Drew I cannot be the first person to have asked you that in your little press junket.

3:50 Adam I don't know what it is. Look up the San Gennaro feast on their engineer, Chris. The point is Jimmy got this thing started with a little bit of my help, but mostly everyone else's, and then got together with guys like Tommy Lasorda, and there's Tony Danza and these guys, with these Italian-American types, and got this thing going. Guys playing the accordion, throwing tossing pizzas.

4:14 Drew I remember it used to be over on sort of off Hollywood Boulevard.

4:17 Adam Yeah.

4:18 Drew By the Palace.

4:18 Adam Yeah. Right near Jimmy's Theater, actually just up the street. But now we've expanded. We're going to The Grove, beautiful place, right there by Farmers Market, so come on out.

4:31 Drew Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

4:32 Adam Thursday is the... Maybe Friday. Friday, Saturday, Sunday. All right, so anyway, I did that Best AMS Sports Show today, which was fine.

4:43 Drew Tom's still on that?

4:45 Adam Yeah, Tom Arnold, a delightful guy, wants to come back on the show, had a good time. They did this thing, so anyway, I get whacked in the head. So they do this thing where they play fast and loose over there. They have this idea, well, you and Tom Arnold put these big novelty-sized boxing gloves on and have a boxing match. It's fine. When I say novelty-sized, I mean super-mega novelty-sized. Not to the point where they weigh about 25, 30 pounds. These are hard to lift off the ground, so all you can do is sort of, it becomes like a pillow fight, essentially. But they're heavy. You can't really box in them. They weigh too much. Anyway, you slide your hand in through the thing, you grab a wooden handle, like a broomstick-type handle, and that's how you hang on to them. They're so big. Tom Arnold. Dynamo. Yeah, comes right out of the corner and starts pounding the crap out of it. These things. Now, me, who can box, probably better than Tom Arnold, I have no advantage. I'm trying to hold these big sacks of cement up, and Tom Arnold's just wailing away at me. But he's running out of steam, quick. So by the second round, I start gaining a little ground on him, and now he's, you know, hair plugs are popping out. He's coming undone. So the third round, I come walking out there, and he hands these things off to Brian Cox. Now, Drew, you don't know who Brian Cox is, because he's an individual, and he lives on this planet. He is a man of color.

6:13 Drew Large.

6:14 Adam Large man. He was an inside linebacker. I don't know if he's Hall of Fame material, but certainly a perennial guy, all pro type. Middle linebacker for the Jets, and Miami for many years. Probably had a... Look up Brian Cox, engineer.

6:30 Drew He's still looking for the San Gennaro.

6:32 Adam Forget about San Gennaro. Look Brian Cox.

6:34 Drew What did you find out about San Gennaro, by the way?

6:36 Adam Nothing.

6:36 Drew I'll look that up.

6:37 Adam It's only been 20 minutes. I would say... And by the way, faster just to go to the library with engineer Chris at the computer. I know the computer is faster, but Chris isn't. I understand. I would say Brian Cox probably...

6:52 Drew When he gets up on his bike, he can really get to that library quick.

6:54 Adam Here's where I'm putting Brian Cox, about 6'4 and change, and probably about 270, 275. That's huge. A lot of black. And a middle linebacker for I'd say 11 years in the league, maybe four or five Pro Bowls. We'll see.

7:11 Drew We'll find him.

7:12 Adam Nice guy, but aggressive. He comes flying out at me with the huge gloves. He's wailing on me with these huge gloves, which is fine because they're huge gloves, but it's still a huge man swinging these huge things and beating the crap out of me. I'm fine.

7:28 Drew Are you laughing?

7:31 Adam Somewhere in between everything. And at a certain point, he's wailing on me so frantically with these huge gloves. And everything's a bad design. The wood handle that you hang on to, if you kind of go around the back side or you hit them just right, you end up catching a lot. There's a certain sweet spot in the glove where if you're punching with the front of it, that's one thing, but when you're just wailing with the inside of your palms and you're hanging on to this wood thing or you're throwing it, doing the tomahawk chop with it, the inside of the wood thing, there's a sixteenth of an inch of vinyl over it, whacks me in the head and just scrapes along my skull. I thought in the frenzy he just hit me with his elbow or something. I'm driving, you know, my jaw's hurting, I'm driving home, I realize, I have a huge lump in the side of my head. And the thing about your head, which is weird, I saw it once when I was doing something with someone who whacked their head on this bar. It swells on both sides of the thing. You can see the shape of the bar.

8:35 Drew There's a dent.

8:36 Adam There's a dent. Yes, I have as if you dragged a spoon across a wet piece of clay in the side of my head.

8:44 Drew Nice.

8:45 Adam Now what is that? Why is it dent in that way? Is it dent in or does the area around it swell up?

8:50 Drew It's...

8:51 Adam All right, anyway, there's a lawsuit. I'm going to talk too much about it. As a doctor...

8:58 Drew That's just the swelling part. This is where you got hit is here. Feel the other side.

9:03 Adam Smooth, smooth, smooth.

9:04 Drew It just feels like a dent, but you got hit right with that swollen part.

9:07 Adam I got hit and then it dragged across the front of my face.

9:12 Drew Plus, as you grow older, these relatively minor head injuries can result in all kinds of crazy symptoms. You can be fatigued, sleep disrupted, irritable, depressed. I don't know how we tell the difference.

9:26 Adam No, I'm that way anyway.

9:27 Drew But other people...

9:28 Adam Irritated, difficulty falling asleep. I had that when I was 15. Here's the thing, though. It wasn't a concussed kind of thing. It wasn't concussed. It was more like hit with a stick in the head and almost cut, although there's a nice lump in my skull. Now, I'm at that point where I can't complain because it's got a bunch of guys and everyone's goofing around. There's a big boxy, novelty gloves. Meanwhile, I got whacked in the head with a piece of wood by a giant black man. But I can't really say anything.

9:58 Drew Did you say anything to anybody the whole evening?

10:01 Adam I said, well, it was at the end. I said, you know, and he knew it. He was like, oh, hey, sorry, sorry, man. And I said, well, what did you do? Catch me with your elbow or something? And he said, no, it was a piece of wood. You must have heard this piece of wood just crack against my skull. All right, so good times. That's all I got to say. All right, you find Brian Cox on there? Yeah? Want to use the microphone? What? How many years in the league? 10, 11?

10:28 Brian Cox is an actor.

10:30 The other Brian Cox's.

10:32 Adam OK, yeah, that's not the Brian Cox. Remember when he was talking about the huge black man in the NFL? OK, well, so you didn't find Brian Cox?

10:42 Drew No, technically.

10:43 Adam Technically, he did. Find him, would you please? And by the way, I guarantee this guy is more popular than your guy. Did you find him?

10:54 Drew Well, Brian Cox is an actor from the 60s, right?

10:57 Yeah, that's Wally Cox.

10:59 Adam Oh, you're talking about Brian Cox, the actor? Yeah, he was just in The Bourne Identity, and he was in The First Signs of Manhunter. He's a good actor. All right, touche. I'm a fan of his, too. He probably wouldn't hit me in the head with a wood dowel. Audrey?

11:19 Yes.

11:20 Adam You're 27. What's up?

11:22 Caller I am. I just wanted to say thank you to you guys. I've been listening to you since I was a teenager and heard my story over and over and over again on your show, and I've been beaten up by a couple of boyfriends pretty recently and was sexually abused when I was a kid and all that kind of fun stuff.

11:38 Adam Just feeling normal, perfectly healthy.

11:40 Caller Good times.

11:41 Adam Good times, yeah.

11:42 Caller I've managed to never have a kid. I'd like congratulations.

11:45 Adam Good girl, good girl.

11:46 Caller And I'm in therapy now mostly because of your advice, and I just wanted to say thank you.

11:51 Adam That was really clapping. Thanks, really. So you listen to the show and you got some help for yourself.

11:57 Drew That's great.

11:58 Caller Exactly.

11:58 Adam And you heard some of the calls. You heard some of yourself in some of the calls, yes?

12:02 Caller Precisely. I hear some of myself and quite a bit of them actually.

12:07 Drew Thank you. That is fantastic. You just keep going. You sound great. You're going to sort of take a little break from relationships for a while?

12:14 Caller I'm totally alone, just painted my house, got a bunch of cats and working on the crazy cat lady thing. Yeah.

12:19 Drew Well, in a couple of years, we'll start having relationships again. The cats are for the time being.

12:23 Adam Start living off the dinty more stew and putting the foil over the windows.

12:28 Caller Banana bread and apple. Yeah, absolutely.

12:30 Adam All right, baby doll.

12:32 Caller Thank you.

12:32 Adam Thank you. You find Brian Cox there?

12:38 Drew Microphone?

12:39 Adam He used a mic. Chris, by the way, on air.

12:42 Drew He wants to be on air town.

12:43 Adam Yeah.

12:44 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah.

12:45 Adam He is. Yeah. What do you got over there, buddy?

12:47 Drew How big is it?

12:48 Adam Some stuff. You want me to send some stuff? You want me to send Laura over to the Lauren over to the house or are you okay?

12:54 Drew Library.

12:55 Adam All right. What's that? What do we got there? Give us dimensions. How many years in the league? That wouldn't be. That'd be way, way, way, way in there. Okay, buddy. Here we go. Junior college, everybody. Jake?

13:09 Yeah.

13:10 Adam You're 19?

13:11 Caller Yes, sir.

13:12 Adam What's up?

13:14 Caller Well, I am gay. And I don't know how to just come out and say it. All my friends are Catholic, Christian. I don't have any gay friends. And I'm afraid if I tell them, they're going to hate me. Liar, liar whore, liar whore.

13:29 Drew Yeah, but it's too serious a thing. It's one of those things. Yeah.

13:32 Adam In this day and age, it's too serious a thing.

13:34 Drew In this day and age, 19-year-old gay males are the most likely to commit a suicide over things like this. So, because he's trumping us on the topic, we have to kind of take it very, very seriously.

13:48 Adam No, he's not trumping us on the time. He's not saying he's got AIDS or anything.

13:52 Drew This is kind of the way he's dealing with it, the way he sounds, the way he's, you know.

13:56 Adam Well, first off, if all your friends are religious and judgmental, don't tell them.

14:01 Drew Don't hang out with them.

14:02 Caller Yeah.

14:02 Adam You got to find a gay crew.

14:03 Drew Or move away and go to college and form a new group of friends.

14:07 Caller Well, see, that's what I did. College is kind of making me think I need to be who I am.

14:13 Caller What?

14:14 Adam College is making him think he needs to be who he am.

14:17 Caller You know, I need to be gay. I don't know.

14:22 Drew You're in college?

14:23 Caller Yes.

14:24 Adam All right. What college?

14:28 Caller I go to Oakland University in Michigan.

14:33 Adam Oh. Too bad it's not in the Bay Area. And Drew's making a puss, but maybe he doesn't want to say anything.

14:41 Drew I spoke at Oakland University. I don't think it was in Michigan.

14:43 Adam Oh, really? You spoke at Oakland University? Michigan. Oh, there's a Rochester, Michigan? How many Rochester's do we need?

14:53 Drew Many, many, many. Of course.

14:55 Adam So confusing. So confusing.

14:57 Drew Anyway, here's the deal. Listen, he's...

15:02 Adam Chris, what do you got on Brian Cox, buddy?

15:05 Drew Nothing?

15:06 Adam Oh, okay. Hold on a second. Anderson has everything. You must have a faster computer. What do you got on Brian Cox, the football player?

15:15 It's a pretty quick computer. He played for 12 years, played for the Patriots. What else do you want to know?

15:20 Drew How big?

15:21 Adam Well, no. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. He played for the Jets in Miami, mainly.

15:27 Yeah, and the Saints. I mean, the computer's behind me, so I got everything.

15:30 Drew I said Patriots. How big?

15:31 Adam How big is he?

15:33 Hold on.

15:33 Adam All-Pro. How many years is All-Pro? He's got to go over to the computer. Well, he played for 12 years. That's at 11. Yeah, you got it. Good size, man. Boy, it really makes you realize how big these NFL guys are. Because he's a linebacker. Just imagine he could come off the line with you. He's not an offensive tackle. You know what I mean? I'm a middle linebacker, so he's bigger than most. Sorry, about Jake. It's sports. It's an easy one.

16:04 Caller Yeah. I'm on nfl.com. All right.

16:08 Drew So Jake, Jake either used to leave maybe that school or leave the group of friends or build a group of friends where there are people that can support him for who he is. He clearly wants to express himself. That's fine. But first build a supportive network before you risk the retribution of these people who you call closed-minded. And if they are that way, you shouldn't be hanging out with them anyway. They're not good people.

16:28 Adam Yeah, that's right. Brian, I mean Anderson, what do you find out?

16:31 Drew Dimensions.

16:34 Adam This really, it's just, it's just.

16:35 Well, see, it's set up over here with the computer behind me, so I'm going back and forth.

16:39 Caller So just give me a second.

16:40 Adam No, I know. Just go over there and tell me how much a guy weighs and how many years he was on trial.

16:44 It's not like a baseball card that I'm looking at. I got to go through the whole thing.

16:47 Drew Ring in. Just yell in. Let's go. Let's talk to another Brian.

16:51 Adam Engineer Chris is going to get any second now.

16:53 Caller All right.

16:54 Adam Let's just talk to Brian, 25.

16:59 Caller Hello.

17:00 Drew Hey, Brian.

17:02 Caller I have a question about electroshock therapy to treat depression. I've heard you talk about like all kinds of different treatments, but never electroshock therapy.

17:11 Adam We've talked about it on occasion.

17:13 Drew Yeah, it's sort of shaking off its macabre past. It's really considered a very mainstream form of treatment for people that have recalcitrant depressions. Basically, the way it works is just running electric current through your brain to try to raise the chemicals that improve your mood. Yeah.

17:32 Adam It's supposed to be effective.

17:33 Drew It's very effective.

17:34 Adam But it's for people who really are depressed.

17:37 Drew Yeah, profound depression. It can cause some memory disturbances, and it can be... It's a procedure that needs an anesthesia, basically.

17:45 Adam Really?

17:45 Drew Effectively. You're paralyzed, and someone's breathing for you and stuff.

17:50 Adam Who's breathing for you?

17:51 Drew The anesthesiologist or the doctor is delivering the code.

17:54 Adam They don't have surrogate breathers?

17:56 Drew No, no. Okay. They basically are inducing a seizure, in fact, but you don't actually have the seizure. Just your brain is going through an electrical discharge because your body is completely paralyzed.

18:06 Adam Hey, did your doctor suggest that, Brian?

18:09 Caller Yeah, I've been depressed pretty much all my life. Sometimes it's worse than others, and I've been on almost seven or eight different antidepressants and different amounts of each pill.

18:26 Drew You may be one of those people that this can be important and potentially life-saving because one out of five people with depression kill themselves.

18:32 Adam What is that voice that I hear? I hear it once in a while, it's an inverted voice or something.

18:39 Drew Restricted. It's restricted.

18:42 Adam It's like you're sucking in when you're talking instead of pushing out or something.

18:46 Drew We call it restricted. Restricted.

18:48 Adam You hear it. I mean, you hear it once in a while. It's not only in depression, but I don't know what it is.

18:53 Drew All right.

18:55 Adam Brian? Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Well, first off, let's get it on. You know what I'm saying? Let's break it down. Come on, buddy. Grab a helmet. Let's go now. Grab a helmet. Hey, let me tell you. Hold on, mister. That helmet? It's not a chair. You grab a knee. What do you like doing, Brian? Do you like anything?

19:17 Caller I like listening to your show and...

19:19 Adam Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Break it down now.

19:23 Drew What else? Now, tell us what you actually like doing.

19:27 Caller Sports and music and movies and...

19:30 Drew Are you so depressed that you can't participate in sports?

19:34 Caller It's getting to that point. I was like, just like, probably about nine months ago, my girlfriend of like two and a half years to get here with my best friend and that's...

19:47 Adam But she had a girlfriend for two and a half years.

19:50 Caller Yeah.

19:50 Drew Well, depression doesn't necessarily mean... The Loveline Caller is a different breed. The Loveline Caller is the chaotic relationship because of chaotic, traumatic relationships early. This is just depression.

19:59 Adam Did you get any oral sex from her?

20:01 Caller No, a few times.

20:03 Adam A few times? Because that can make it melt away.

20:06 Drew Depression?

20:07 Caller Actually, the antidepressants came in, I mean, was kind of a good thing during the... With her because, you know, they help you keep going.

20:17 Drew You can hold out.

20:18 Adam All right. You have friends, Brian. Do you have buddies?

20:22 Caller Yeah.

20:23 Adam You do?

20:24 Caller Yeah, but sometimes it can be depressing to be around them because, like, most of my friends are, like, married or having kids or...

20:32 Drew Remember the cartoon, Lippy the Lion and Hardy Har Har? Do you remember that?

20:37 Adam Yes.

20:37 Drew Do you remember what Hardy Har Har sounded like?

20:40 Caller Yes.

20:41 Adam Limpy. Yeah, he was... Yeah, he was a laughing hyena who was...

20:48 Drew Named Hardy Har Har.

20:49 Adam Who named...

20:50 Drew Strangely enough.

20:52 Adam Hardy Har Har. What did they put? How many seconds did they put into that thought before they said to put it in the cartoon?

20:57 Drew I just want to be at the pitch.

20:59 Adam And I forgot about Limpy the Lion.

21:01 Drew Limpy.

21:01 Adam Limpy. I forgot about Limpy the Lion because we were having this discussion a few nights back that the cartoons when we were growing up sucked so badly that they would come up with an animal. Here's the deal. You come up with an animal. You come up with a name that rhymes with the animal or starts with... It doesn't have to rhyme. Alliteration. To start with the same first letter.

21:23 Drew Something.

21:23 Adam And we're done. And it's like, all right, grape ape.

21:28 Drew No, it didn't start with the same letter. Sounds the same.

21:30 Adam It sounds the same. Grape. Well, that's not really... Oh, no, it's purple.

21:35 Drew Perfect. Start writing.

21:36 Adam Good enough. Yeah, that's good enough. And it just kept going. Magilla Gorilla. Magilla? Who's name Magilla? It rhymes with gorilla. You never heard of the whole Magilla? Yeah, the whole Magilla. Go write that. And see, we need a lion. How about Lippy? Lippy's not a name. It doesn't matter.

21:58 Drew Smart mouth, smart guy. He's a very lippy guy. Lippy the lion. There we go.

22:01 Adam I was saying, you know, I'm trying to think of the animals in the kingdom that have great publicists and that are really horrible beasts, such as hippopotamus. Hippos are mean and they're dangerous and they probably kill more people than almost any other animal every year.

22:18 Drew Great publicists.

22:19 Adam And everyone looks at them as they sort of, maybe it's the Disney, maybe it's the Fantasia and the dancing hippos or something. People look at them as sort of rolly polly and jolly and friendly. They're so cute. Yeah, they're cute. And they're herbivores and they just gore people every year. And I was thinking hyenas. We grew up, it was all laughing hyenas, the laughing hyenas. No more vicious animal on the planet than the hyena. They just, they travel in packs and they'll kill a lion or an elephant. And they're brutal. They just tear them to shreds, literally. I don't know who decided to tell, here, it's like, so if your toddler goes out in the Serengeti, first thing he's going to look for is a hyena and a hippo.

23:03 Drew To be friends.

23:03 Adam Yeah.

23:04 Drew But here's the deal. Hardy Har Har.

23:06 Adam Yes.

23:06 Drew Laughing hyena.

23:08 Adam Laughing hyena.

23:08 Drew Was depressed.

23:09 Adam Depressed. And that's what he sounded like.

23:11 Drew And Brian sounded like the Hardy Har Har. And some people just are in that biological state. And I think that's what that cartoon was about. It's almost a character logic.

23:18 Adam It wasn't about anything.

23:19 Drew No, no, but I mean that's where they were thinking of people with that character logic, you know, so the condition there. All right.

23:25 Adam Let me try something with Brian. Brian.

23:28 Drew Yes.

23:29 Adam Here's what I want you to say. I want you to say, I don't think it's a good idea, Lippy.

23:36 Drew I don't think you ought to do that.

23:37 Adam The game warden will be here soon. You ready?

23:41 Caller Yeah.

23:42 Adam And action.

23:44 Caller I don't think it's a good idea, Lippy. The game warden will be here soon.

23:48 Drew And then say, oh me, oh my.

23:49 Adam And then say, oh me, oh my.

23:52 Caller Oh me, oh my.

23:54 Adam That's good.

23:54 Drew We can work on it. Much more color with Brian. Much more color.

23:57 Adam All right.

23:58 Drew All right.

23:58 Adam Get your bodies.

23:59 Drew You know, make sure it's what you really want to do with the shock therapy. The talking cures also are helpful with the antidepressants. Don't forget therapy therapy.

24:07 Adam Good times. Engineer Chris. What do you got, buddy? We're on minute 23 now.

24:13 Caller It only took me 20 minutes.

24:15 Drew You got it? How big is it? It doesn't tell you. Oh, okay.

24:20 Caller It doesn't.

24:21 It's 6'4, 250, guys.

24:22 Caller 6'4, 250.

24:23 Drew It's on ESPN.

24:25 All right.

24:26 Drew That's about what you put it at.

24:28 Adam You can look at this. That's quite. That's when he played.

24:31 Drew Playing, yeah.

24:32 Adam Yeah, that was 25 pounds ago.

24:34 Drew Yeah.

24:34 Adam I mean, he ain't fat. It's just, you know, you're 250. You stop playing football. That scary black man roll thing in the back of the neck? Yeah. Yeah. All right, a lot of man got whacked by him in the head with a broomstick. Well, you know what I want to engineer Chris for? If I ever get on that who wants to be a millionaire.

24:57 Drew Oh, he's your lifeline.

24:58 Adam I'm making my lifeline.

24:59 Drew Absolutely.

25:00 Adam And he's like, you know, and I'm like, hey, engineer Chris, you know, we have a code because only have a few seconds. You know, the highest.

25:09 Drew I was the lifeline once.

25:10 Adam I know exactly how ice mountain in North America is a Mount McKinley or a Mount Rainier.

25:15 Caller And he's like, that's good level of certainty. Absolutely.

25:22 Adam And then you see the clock turning and the calendar pages going around, leaves, leaves, snow, whatever. Then the bears coming out from the higher nation is still going away. Regis has died. He's mummified on stage. I'm still sitting there, you're back on the way. All right, buddy. All right. We'll take a little break. We'll be right back after this.

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26:49 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's the good doctor, Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-E-V-E-1-9-1. Crank anchors on tonight, by the way, Drew. Fantastic. New season of Crank Anchors.

27:03 Drew I would watch if you'd sort of invited me in to do an episode.

27:07 Adam Yeah, we should have put you on this year. I got to tell you, I was busy. Everyone was busy. We were working on Jimmy's show, you know? You know what I'm saying? Anyway, Crank Anchors, Comedy Central, 10.30, Tuesday nights.

27:21 Drew Good times.

27:21 Adam Ben.

27:22 Yes.

27:23 Adam You're 17. What's up?

27:26 Caller Well, my girlfriend is getting really scared of me since three, almost four weeks ago. We had some guy trying to break into our house with what we thought was a loaded gun. Basically, when we started waving it around at my parents, I kind of freaked out, and my dad has a crossbow hanging on the wall. I basically ran for that, loaded it, and shot the guy in the leg. And ever since my girlfriend heard about this, she has just been like... You know, her mother already thought I was, like, the spawn of Satan or something. But now she's...

28:01 Drew Hold on. Slow down a second. Ben, wait, wait, wait a second. The fact that you defended your... The story, as you tell it, is a guy comes in with a gun, I defend my family with a crossbow, and now my girlfriend's freaked out. So what's missing here?

28:14 Adam Who's your dad, Ted Nugent? Why's he got a crossbow hanging on the wall of his...

28:20 Caller He used to be in the Air Force, and he did a lot of hunting when he lived in...

28:23 Adam He used to be in the Air Force.

28:25 Caller I don't know what area, but he used to do a lot of deer hunting.

28:27 Adam He's obsessed with arrows.

28:30 Caller So...

28:31 Adam You used to... Okay, but...

28:32 Drew What's the reality here?

28:32 Adam First off, I worry about the family. Are you guys in a trailer? Where do you end?

28:37 Caller No, we're in our own house. We live out in the desert area.

28:41 Adam Well, let me ask you this. When your dad put the nail in the wall to hang the crossbow, did he nail it in half an inch and it poked outside? That's what I'm picturing, like some corrugated steel bending as he's nailing it in from the inside. No? Regular wall? You have regular wood framed and everything, huh?

28:59 Caller Yeah, right. Well, it's one of the mobile home styles.

29:03 Drew Here we go. Now it's starting to make a little sense. Coming into focus. Yeah, Adam, you're way off. How did you know how... How dare you, by the way, suggest that he lives in a trailer park?

29:14 Adam Listen, I know.

29:16 Drew He lives in a mobile home style.

29:17 Adam I'm going to start a segment called Definitely Not a Jew, and you're going to be the first up, Ben. So, and here's what I understand. A couple of things. The timeline seems weird in that he comes in your parents... He breaks in where? What part of the house is a mobile home?

29:36 Caller He broke in the back door.

29:39 Adam He broke into the back door, and he goes into your parents' room?

29:43 Caller Our house is with a very narrow hallway. My parents' room is like right next to the... is like 10 feet away from the door. I'm at the... I slept at the other end of the house.

29:55 Drew Four feet away from the door.

29:57 Adam I see. Okay. And so, he comes in there. He's making a ruckus. You think he has a gun. Why do you think he has a gun?

30:07 Caller Because he's yelling, I have a gun.

30:09 Adam Oh, he's yelling, I have a gun.

30:11 Drew And what's he doing in the house? Does he have a purpose?

30:14 Caller Well, he seemed to be yelling, give me all your valuables, things like that. The police said he was like somewhat intoxicated at the time.

30:22 Adam He was high, probably. And so he breaks in and...

30:26 Drew Was anybody you knew?

30:29 Caller No, we had no idea who the guy was.

30:32 Adam And so he's screaming in front of your parents' bed, and you grab the crossbow from the wall. Where's the arrow?

30:42 Caller The arrows basically are behind the cabinet that my dad keeps in there. He didn't know that I knew where they were at the time.

30:51 Drew Of course, he shot this thing a number of times, probably.

30:54 Adam So now you go get the arrow from behind the cabinet.

30:58 Drew Load it up.

30:59 Adam Meanwhile, the guy's just still standing at the foot of the bed, screaming?

31:03 Caller Actually, no. Then he was picking things up from my parents' dresser.

31:08 Adam Really? And your dad's just in bed?

31:11 Caller Well, he's basically standing... My parents are both out of bed by then, but he's standing in front of my mom trying to protect her.

31:19 Adam Uh-huh.

31:20 Caller But he didn't have any weapons in his bedroom.

31:22 Drew Right. So you shot the guy.

31:23 Adam You grab the crossbow and you shoot him in the leg.

31:27 Caller Yeah, I was... I didn't know how to shoot. Unfortunately, I was a little still tired, despite the fact a load of adrenaline.

31:36 Adam Sure.

31:37 Caller Because I know how to shoot the bow, but I just didn't aim very well that time.

31:42 Caller Well, you wish you killed him?

31:44 Adam Where did you want to hit him?

31:46 Caller I didn't really aim other than at him. I didn't take that much time. It's just the fact that he's still pointing the gun at my parents. I didn't really take all that much time.

31:55 Drew And so what happened after you shot him?

31:57 Adam Did he answer?

31:58 Caller He dropped the gun and started grabbing the arrow, screaming.

32:00 Adam Uh-huh. But he didn't have a gun, right?

32:04 Caller He had the gun. It just wasn't loaded.

32:08 Adam Well, that's...

32:08 Drew Why did you start the story with he was waving around something that looked like a gun?

32:12 Adam Yeah.

32:13 Caller I didn't know I had used those exact terms. He...

32:16 Adam Hold on. And then how come later on when I'm saying... So, you know, his guy has a gun? He said, well, no, I mean, he was threatening to kill them. Very vague.

32:27 Drew But isn't your story...

32:28 Adam I believe him. But isn't your story better if the guy has a gun?

32:31 Drew I want to know why he wasn't a hero. Why people freaked out.

32:36 Adam Well, maybe they didn't. Ben? All right. So he did have a gun, but it wasn't loaded.

32:43 Caller Right.

32:43 Adam What kind of gun was it?

32:46 Caller A Colt.44 caliber.

32:49 Adam All right. 44. And you shot him in the leg with the crossbow. And then what?

32:58 Caller He dropped the gun and started screaming and cursing, trying to pull the arrow out of his leg when my dad basically just tackled him.

33:07 Adam Uh-huh. And you called the cops.

33:09 Caller Yes, that was the second thing we did.

33:12 Adam And four hours later, they show up.

33:14 Drew Well, no, it was closer to four and a half.

33:17 Adam Right. So they show up and they get the guy.

33:20 Caller Yes, they load him back, and meanwhile, they're bombarding us with questions like you did. Well, did you know the gun wasn't loaded? Or did you, why did you have arrows in your house next to a crossbow?

33:33 Adam Now, you should have been hailed as a hero.

33:36 Drew Why were you not a hero?

33:39 Caller Well, for one thing, the guy wanted to press charges because somebody shot him.

33:43 Adam Right.

33:45 Drew Again, this piece is missing from the story here.

33:47 Adam Yeah, there really is. There really is. What's up, Ben? Either you're not telling the story correctly or you're lying.

33:54 Drew Or you're not willing to tell the truth, yeah.

33:56 Adam Which is it? I'd go with not telling it correctly.

34:02 Caller Because that is what happened.

34:05 Drew How could somebody that's on your property threatening to kill you press charges for you defending yourself?

34:11 Caller No, that's basically what he was trying to do. He wasn't able to. This is a while ago. But he's basically in jail right now.

34:20 Adam Alright. And your girlfriend, your girlfriend thinks you're...

34:26 Caller Last time I saw her was a couple days ago. And she was basically screaming at me for what I had done and asked, you know, was I going to shoot her? I have no idea where things like this are coming from, you know, where she got that.

34:41 Adam Hold on a second. Ben sounds... I don't want to say mildly retarded. Ben is 17 and sounds maybe 12 or 13 in his speech. But that could just be a product of...

34:58 Drew LA Unified.

34:59 Adam LA Unified school district mixed with a dad who likes a little bow hunting and a little too much MTV.

35:06 Drew But again, it so much feels like...

35:08 Adam There's some weird concrete thinking here.

35:10 Drew Distortions, yeah. It feels like distortions, right?

35:14 Adam It just feels like there's...

35:15 Drew All of a sudden, out of nowhere, the girlfriend starts screaming about, you're going to shoot me?

35:18 Adam Now, the guy's in jail now, so this was some weeks or months ago. And she starts screaming, now you're going to shoot me with this?

35:25 Drew So, either she's completely insane.

35:28 Adam Yes.

35:29 Drew Or we're missing some of the story again.

35:31 Adam Yes. Ben?

35:34 Caller My old paranoia.

35:36 Adam Ben, how long ago did you shoot the drifter with the crossbow?

35:42 Caller Three weeks and four days.

35:43 Adam All right, so it's almost been a month. And your girlfriend is freaking out that you're going to shoot her with a crossbow, too? What are you leaving out of this story?

35:52 Caller Well, you know, she and I had had an argument about a couple of things, and she thought that I was wrong. And when I yelled that she needed to, you know, calm down because all I did was protect myself and my family from what I thought was a guy.

36:08 Caller You're having an argument.

36:11 Drew We can't not.

36:17 Adam If a pet could talk, I imagine it's what it would sound like. Like you'd be talking to your dog and be like, I went out in the backyard and I was I smell my asshole. And then these these coyotes came and then I was in the house. Is that your dogs?

36:39 Drew And then my owners took and rubbed my nose on something.

36:44 Adam And then they pulled me and then I ate and then I went to the bathroom and then I ate some art and then I took a nap.

36:51 Drew Your question was what are we missing here? She just out of the blue starts yelling at you about being shot. Yeah, we were having a discussion. She didn't like what I said. And then she started yelling. And so then I yelled.

37:03 Adam You know, Ben, he's like he's like a tooth that hurts and I can't stop playing with Ben.

37:08 Caller Yeah.

37:09 Adam All right. Break up with her. I don't know what's missing. Do you have a learning disability or anything?

37:17 Caller No, I'm just mildly distracted right now. I'm trying to talk to you guys. But also, I've just been thinking about a couple of other things that aren't really relevant to the subject.

37:29 Adam Yeah. And you got to always keep your eyes open for intruders, too.

37:33 Drew And make sure the crossbows are open.

37:36 Adam Are you going to high school?

37:39 Caller No, I graduated about a year and a half ago.

37:42 Adam At 15 and a half?

37:44 Caller No, at 16. I'm almost 18.

37:47 Adam Almost 18. Why did you graduate early?

37:50 Caller Because I hated high school.

37:53 Adam Oh.

37:53 Drew I'm not sure they call that graduating, though.

37:55 Adam I think that means you leave.

37:56 Drew That's called dropping out, usually.

37:58 Adam I'm retarded. I think you dropped out.

38:00 Caller I did a homeschool program. Yes, I dropped out, but then I took a homeschool program. It was an adult self-education program.

38:09 Adam Self-education is right up there with self-incarceration. I don't trust it. Look, you guys, we're on the honor system. You have, I'll tell you what you're going to need to do. I'll give you 48 months for aggravated assault. Can you take care of that? You're on your own. It's the honor system.

38:28 Drew Done.

38:28 Adam Okay? Go home and incarcerate yourself. No coming out.

38:31 Drew Done and done.

38:32 Adam And lights out at 9 o'clock.

38:34 Drew Well, how about this part?

38:35 Adam No pornography and TV you can watch, but only basic cable. None of the premium channels. Drew, you agree to that?

38:43 Drew After I do my self-education medical school program.

38:45 Caller All right.

38:46 Adam Put yourself to that. Ben, what's up? What's the plan, buddy? What do you want to do?

38:51 Caller Well, I'm in my third semester of college. I'm trying to major in history.

38:56 Adam Really? What kind of college?

38:58 Caller It's a community college.

39:00 Adam Okay, buddy. All right. Oh, yeah. All right, buddy. That's good. And then you can go on to teach?

39:08 Caller That's what I thought about it. It was either that or the Navy.

39:11 Adam All right. I like the sound of the Navy, myself. Okay. All right. Break up with this girl or don't.

39:20 Drew We don't know what's going on because the story was this story.

39:23 Adam Stop arguing with her.

39:24 Drew We have no idea.

39:24 Adam You're in your third year of college.

39:27 Drew Wouldn't it be great, though?

39:28 Adam You're 17 years old.

39:29 Drew If we could get the other side of the story immediately on the line.

39:32 Adam It would be.

39:34 Drew What happened there?

39:35 Adam I don't know. I'll tell you what happened there. We just wasted 10 minutes with that guy.

39:38 Drew Take a quick call. No, no.

39:40 Adam No, no. I got to take a shower. I got to take a rape bath. We'll be right back after this.

39:46 1-800-LOVE-191 Drew.

39:50 Adam Guess how many terrific sense acts, deodorant, body spray comes in?

39:54 Drew I bet six.

39:55 Adam No, it's more. No, more. No, seven. Anyway, seven's enough, right?

40:03 Caller Seven's great.

40:33 Adam Tell you what, right now, Drew, we got to get it on.

40:37 Caller Get it on.

40:39 Drew Woo!

40:40 Adam Get it on.

40:42 Drew Right now.

40:42 Adam Yeah, right now.

40:44 Drew Say what, right now.

40:45 Adam We got to get it on.

40:46 Drew Let's actually get to a two call.

40:47 Adam Let's try that.

40:47 Drew Let's go, let's get to a two call.

40:49 Get it on.

40:51 Adam Donna? You're 21. Yeah, get it on.

40:59 Caller My question is that I wonder if I'm allergic to condoms because when I have sex with my boyfriend, like afterwards, like towards the end, it starts to like burn. And like then when, you know, after we're done, I go to the restroom and it feels like when I'm wiping that I'm kind of swollen down there.

41:23 Drew And how long into the act is this that you're noticing the irritation?

41:28 Caller It's probably like, well, it usually lasts, I guess anywhere from like 10 to 15 minutes and probably like the last five minutes.

41:35 Drew Well, that's very common for some. An average, I really think an average duration for a woman is about 10 minutes. And after that, it's out, it's swelling, it's irritation. So it really probably isn't even the condom because the fact is, if we're an allergy from the condom, I would probably get the reaction fairly quickly. And it's really independent of the time you're in there.

41:55 Adam And the percentage of people that announced they're allergic to anything and the ones who actually are allergic to something has got to be 10%.

42:01 Drew Well, and at the very minimum, the fact that they are sort of engaging in this vigorous lifestyle. And it's at the end that she noticed some irritation. It's just too long, too much, need more lubricant, easy does it.

42:11 Adam Yeah.

42:12 Drew And maybe try polyurethane or animal skin condom just to see if there's a difference. But I bet not.

42:18 Adam But get it on. Sandra.

42:20 Caller Yes.

42:21 Adam You call them from Sun Valley?

42:23 Caller Yes.

42:24 Adam Sun Valley in the San Fernando Valley?

42:26 Caller Yeah.

42:27 Adam Oh, bad times.

42:30 Drew You know, we broadcast at least near Sun Valley in Idaho, which is...

42:33 Adam Oh, that's a different Sun Valley, boy. Boy, is that a different Sun Valley.

42:40 Caller Good times.

42:42 Adam Yeah, that is just bad times over there. Sorry, baby. Weren't you by them big smoke stacks? All right. Yeah, there you go.

42:52 Drew She's up by the 118.

42:53 Adam Yeah, where are you? Are we over by Polly High?

42:56 Caller Um, around there.

43:01 Drew I've got it.

43:02 Adam Oh, wow, such a vivid picture. All right, I'm sorry for talking to you about the place you live. Go ahead.

43:08 Caller OK, well, lately I've been having menstruation problems. Like, um, I started, like, you know, um, I get, usually my menstruation, like, once every month, but lately I've been getting it really recent. And either I think it has to do with masturbating too much, or maybe I'm under stress, but I'm not sure.

43:24 Drew I didn't quite hear what the problem is with the menstruation.

43:29 Caller Yeah, well, I've been getting it, like, I got it twice this month, and right now I was masturbating and I started bleeding.

43:36 Drew Well, I doubt that it can stimulate the blood to be released.

43:41 Adam Did you finish, by the way?

43:43 Caller Oh, yeah, I'm finished. A while ago.

43:44 Adam No, I mean, you powered through it. You didn't stop.

43:48 Drew The bleeding didn't disrupt your rhythm.

43:51 Caller Well, actually, once I started seeing the blood, I stopped.

43:54 Adam Oh, you did? So you didn't finish?

43:56 Caller No, I didn't finish.

43:56 Adam All right. And by the way, you know this is Sun Valley instead of Sun Valley, Idaho, because it's seen the blood. Once I seen the blood.

44:05 Drew I see. I seen it.

44:06 Adam Sun Valley, Idaho, it's different hands on that. All right. Go ahead there, Sonia.

44:11 Drew So, while the masturbation, the sexual activity can sort of stimulate the bleeding, it really doesn't cause the irregularity in the menstrual cycle. Not really. And so there's something causing the lining of the uterus to be unstable. Are you on any medication?

44:24 Caller No, I'm not.

44:25 Drew Birth control pill?

44:27 Caller All right.

44:28 Drew And it's very common for people you raise to have lots of irregularities in their periods. Could be ovarian cyst. Could be a lot of different things. So it's get your doctor, get a pelvic exam, see if there's anything going on. Nothing's really unlikely to be anything at all unusual or serious. There are things like thyroid conditions and other stuff needs to be checked.

44:44 Adam All right, Sandra.

44:45 Drew I'm very, very confident.

44:46 Adam And get out of Sun Valley. Move out of Sun Valley. But we should just, you know, here's what we ought to do. That entire city just needs to be mothballed. Like we need to bandage it.

44:58 Drew Roll it up.

44:58 Adam Just get rid of it.

45:00 Drew You wouldn't stop at Sun Valley, would you? You go to hunger.

45:06 Adam Oh, man, Santa Ana winds blowing today. And I don't know if you I was getting shocked from getting shocked. All the way to this crazy, this crazy thing where I was skipping rope at like seven o'clock at night and the Santa Ana winds were just blowing. I had the wind. The windows open. It's wind, just dry, hot wind blowing. And I'm skipping rope like a maniac and I stop and I reach for, I don't know, it's like the TV remote or something. And I actually saw an arc, a bolt. I was like, I'm gone. I got to use this power. Yes, I'm going to reanimate the dead now. And the point is, I mean, you get that shock when you're running on the carpet and you grab the doorknob. You don't usually actually have the bolt of lightning coming from your forefinger, extending an inch and a half to the... I'll tell you, I did it to myself like three times. And by the way, it's one of those things you don't learn your lesson on. You do your thing.

46:09 Drew What are you going to do?

46:10 Adam I know. I'll tell you what you can do. You can sort of slow it down and kind of hit things with your palm first and do that kind of thing. There's ways to do it. You don't reach. You don't extend. You don't stretch. I zap myself. Look at my hair, Drew. It's all curly.

46:24 Drew It's all sticking up. Yeah.

46:25 Adam It's all sticking up.

46:26 Drew It looks like Gene Wilder asked.

46:29 Adam Chris, you know what Gene Wilder is?

46:31 Drew Chris? That's close.

46:37 Adam That's close. Kind of, no. You sort of know and sort of don't know, right?

46:41 Drew He used to do movies with a famous black comedian.

46:44 Caller All right.

46:47 Adam Anybody? Look at mine. Donna?

46:51 Caller Yes?

46:52 Adam You're 31?

46:53 Caller Yes, I am.

46:56 Adam What's up? Your husband choked you during sex.

46:59 Yeah. Well, we were kind of experimenting.

47:02 Caller He had me tied up and he kind of put his hands around my throat and cut off my oxygen and stuff.

47:07 Caller Yeah. Get it on.

47:10 Caller You know, I enjoyed it, but I just want to make sure that there's not going to be any lasting effects, like if he could cause a blood clot that's going to go to my brain or anything like that.

47:19 Drew No, not a blood clot. He can merely cut off the blood to your brain so you can just stroke out. But what is it that's enjoyable about that?

47:28 Caller I don't know. It makes me feel all tingly all over.

47:30 Adam And what happens, Drew, when you cut the supply off to the brain, that's when the stroke happens?

47:35 Drew Yeah, that's the stroke.

47:36 Adam I thought the stroke was the artery or breaking.

47:39 Caller Exploding.

47:39 Drew That's an intracranial bleed.

47:40 Adam Is that another kind of stroke?

47:42 Drew People call it a stroke. It's really not a stroke.

47:44 Adam It's really not a stroke. So when they say this old celebrity had a stroke, that wasn't the blood being cut off to the brain, was it?

47:51 Drew Well, in the sort of common parlance, they're just meaning something happened in his skull. But really a stroke is when there's a clot cutting off the blood supply to the brain. A bleed is where blood vessel ruptures and crushes the brain quite literally.

48:05 Adam Like an aneurysm.

48:06 Drew Aneurysm is like yet another form, but it's a similar thing to that.

48:11 Adam All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. So, Donna, don't monkey with that. You're a married woman. You have kids. Do you have kids, Donna?

48:19 Drew All right.

48:20 Adam Stop it. Well, because the kids are going to walk in on that and hit dad over the head with a lamp.

48:24 Drew Oh, yeah.

48:25 Adam Strangling mommy. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

48:29 Drew Okay.

48:52 Caller This hour brought to you in part by Axe.

48:54 Experience the Axe Effect.

49:31 Adam Hey yo, it's Loveline! I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew Get It On. Yeah, Dean Cain. Superman in here tomorrow night. Got a new show out. I think it's on CBS called Clubhouse. I love that Dean Cain.

49:47 Drew You know, they're saying they get it.

49:48 Adam That's what it sounds like when Superman farts.

49:50 Drew And flies.

49:51 Adam Oh, and flies, yeah.

49:52 Drew Sometimes they go together like that.

49:53 Adam And what's wrong when he blows, too? I like when they, whew, arctic wind. By the way, the Superman, he gets to freeze stuff. He doesn't control the temperature of his breath.

50:05 Drew Sure.

50:06 Adam Really can spit out like liquid nitrogen for him. Just flash freeze things.

50:12 Drew Well, why stop at superhuman strength?

50:13 Adam No.

50:14 Drew And actually finish it.

50:16 Adam What is Dean Cain's nationality? Is he like a Hawaiian guy? What is he? Something going on with him.

50:23 Drew I would say like Northern European.

50:25 Adam Oh, really?

50:26 Drew I think.

50:27 Adam He's got a little like, kind of like a little. A little dash of Samoan or something in him. I'll find out his nationality.

50:34 Drew We'll forget, but I'm on it.

50:35 Adam Good looking guy.

50:36 Drew And remind us to do that.

50:37 Adam No. Engineer Chris, hop on the computer. Hop on. Dean Cain's nationality. Great guy. Anyway, sweet as sugar, that Dean Cain. Rich Eisen is coming in here from the NFL Network. And the next week, Korn Interpol, Seth MacFarlane, and IndyCar drivers in here. Cake, Jeff Probst from Survivor. I'm all over that Survivor. I love it.

51:01 Drew How is this one this year?

51:03 Adam It's good. They're always good. They always, I guess they start with 16 or 18 people. Maybe it's 16. It's always, the first episode, we just had the first one last week, we start a little slow because you don't know anybody. And you're not rooting for anybody yet. No one's really emerged. No intrigue. The personalities, the conflicts and stuff, it just has to, you gotta turn the fire under the stew just a little bit and the pilot's barely lit and they throw somebody off. So, and the guy that gets thrown off naturally you don't care about because you've seen him on for four minutes now. You know what I'm saying?

51:38 Drew I watched the first Apprentice, I liked that.

51:39 Adam But it gets deeper and deeper and deeper.

51:41 Drew You watched the Apprentice?

51:43 Adam I watched it last season and it was good.

51:45 Drew It seems better this season.

51:46 Adam Oh really?

51:47 Drew Yeah, substantially.

51:48 Adam It was good last season.

51:48 Drew So now they're having some amazing, crazy business tasks they have to do, like they invent a toy and manufacture it overnight, you know, it's like, woo hoo.

51:56 Adam The thing about TV, unlike when we were growing up with the two and a half channels and I was sitting there having to watch Mod with my mom and I was trying to kill myself by falling on my bottle. Now there's too much, it's too much. It's like I sit around and people go, have you seen the Shield? And I go, no, I haven't seen the Shield. And they go, oh, you've got to see the Shield. Oh, he's Welsh and Japanese.

52:24 Drew There's the Japanese.

52:25 Adam And French, and French Canadian. Oh, and Irish. Yeah, you got the, Chris had that though. That was coming, right?

52:32 Caller Gordon Allen Clemens.

52:34 Adam Chris about to tell me that Dean Kane was 5'11, 205 pounds. Yeah, so there's all Japanese in it. That's where he gets his tenacity. That's good, good mutt, good mutt mixture on him.

52:49 Drew He was signed by the Buffalo Bills?

52:50 Adam Yeah, he was a DB, defensive back, it was a safety.

52:54 Drew For a college team?

52:54 Adam Yeah, we played at the, I thought he played at a Ivy League school. Played one like Harvard or something like that, or Yale or something. He was a defensive back.

53:03 Drew Wow, interesting.

53:04 Adam And I think he tried out for the bills.

53:06 Drew This guy's got too much for one person.

53:09 Adam It's not fair. Let's knock him down a size.

53:11 Drew Oh, absolutely.

53:12 Adam You go high, I'm going low. I'm going for the groin.

53:15 Drew Let's go.

53:15 Adam I'm a little Superman prison style ass kicking.

53:17 Drew He's got his scissors in him. Yeah, yeah. Princeton.

53:21 Adam Princeton, Princeton. Ivy League, right?

53:24 Drew Big time.

53:24 Adam All right, buddy. Now, where were we?

53:27 Drew Taking calls.

53:28 Adam No, but I was talking. Oh, yeah. Too much good stuff on TV. Every day I go into work and we will go, are you watching The Shield? No. Are you watching Six Feet Under? No. You're watching The Amazing Race? No. Oh, they're great. They're great. They're all great. Yeah, I know. I know. Here's the deal. I watch nine hours of TV a day. I still can't squeeze in all these other great shows. I don't know what to do. I don't even want to get going on Tombstone or whatever the hell the next HBO show is or Six Feet Under or all this. Everything's good. I don't know what to do. Plus there's pornography.

54:03 Drew And that's most your time.

54:05 Adam Well, it's about 45, 50 hours a week. But hey, you don't touch that. That's my nesting. You know what I'm saying?

54:13 Drew Of course.

54:13 Adam You don't go into that. That's the principle. We lift off the interest. You understand?

54:18 Drew It throws off interest.

54:20 Adam Yes, it does throw off. All right, you ready to rock? Let's get it on.

54:25 Drew Get it on.

54:26 Adam Chris, you ready to get it on, buddy? Yes. No, you just say get it on when I say, are you ready to get it on?

54:32 Drew Let's get it on.

54:33 Adam No, no. That was good. No, you said let's get it on. You say get it on. All right, we're gonna try it again. I'll start with Drew. I'll lead into you. I say, you ready to get on? And you go, get it on. Okay, you ready? Drew, are you ready to get it on?

54:45 Caller Get it on. Get it on. Oh.

54:52 Adam Let me cue you, though. Let me cue you, okay? I'm gonna cue you by going, are you ready to get on? I'll cue you by saying your name and then I'll do the finger. You ready, Drew? I'm not gonna give you the finger.

55:04 Caller You've been in radio long enough.

55:05 Adam Drew, you ready to get it on? Get it on. Chris, you ready to get it on? Get it on. All right, let's get it on. Angel? You're 20?

55:21 Caller Yeah.

55:21 Adam What's happening?

55:23 Caller I think my boyfriend may be too big for me because when we have sex, it hurts really, really bad. Uh-oh.

55:28 And it's really uncomfortable and I don't like having sex with him.

55:32 Drew Is that your first boyfriend or?

55:34 Caller No, he's not.

55:35 Drew And he definitely is too big. I mean, there's an anatomic problem. It's not just that you're getting uptight or getting spasming or having irritation. You just, you can see that this doesn't fit.

55:46 Adam Is he girthy?

55:47 Yeah.

55:48 Drew That's what hurts.

55:49 Girthy and like long too.

55:51 Drew Well, we actually get that complaint more frequently than the two small. And we've, I've, you know, occasionally this show heard people say that the relationship, it's a deal breaker. They just can't negotiate this.

56:03 Adam Oh, I wish you wouldn't break up with me for that. That'd be right up there like having my hands registered in Nevada, you know what I mean?

56:11 Drew Yes, as weapons.

56:12 Adam What happened with you and Cheryl? Ugh, too big. Had to break up. There's great love. We're planning on getting married.

56:18 Drew She couldn't take it.

56:19 Adam She couldn't take it. And you know, she's only flesh and blood.

56:22 Caller I don't want to break up with him, though, you know?

56:24 Drew And it's like, I mean, it's weird. Is he aware this is a problem?

56:28 Caller Yeah, like I tell him, you know, you need to calm down. You need to go slow and everything. And he tries and he doesn't even go in all the way. That's nice.

56:39 Adam Can he grab the base and still have plenty to work with?

56:43 Caller Yeah, I mean, we work, we get through it.

56:48 Drew This is your little fantasy here, Adam.

56:49 Adam Can he, I don't know what to say. Can he grab the base and still have plenty to work with?

56:54 Drew Can he still have his hand wrapped around?

56:56 Adam Grab the base of his penis and still have plenty to work with?

57:01 I don't, I don't know what to do.

57:03 Drew That's somehow distressing to me.

57:05 Adam I like that. Yeah. All right.

57:09 Drew He's got to understand that this could be a deal breaker and he's got to find a way to make this comfortable for you. It's really about him being slow, using lubricants, relaxing. But if he is sort of, as they say, marching to his own drum, it's not gonna go well.

57:27 Adam All right. You tell him to slow down or he's not gonna get any sex.

57:30 Drew There's no magic. Right, you're in control, Angel. You hold all the cards.

57:33 Adam You tell him, does he give you oral sex? Yeah.

57:37 Caller He's like, he's the only one of my boyfriends who's ever made me be able to cum or anything.

57:40 Adam That's nice. All right, Angel. Angel, lubrication, you use plenty of lube? Why not? Seems like you should.

57:50 Caller I just never thought about it.

57:51 Drew All right, well that would be an easy place to start.

57:54 Adam All right. Seems like the vagina on fire would be one of the first things that would prompt you to think about the lubrication, yes? Yes.

58:03 Caller Yeah.

58:04 Adam All right, Angel, here's what we're gonna do.

58:06 Drew We're gonna get it on.

58:07 Adam We're gonna get it on. And that's what we're gonna do this. I'm gonna cue Drew. He's gonna say get it on when I say ready to get it on. Then I'm gonna do engineer Chris. I see Chris. Engineer Chris, you ready to get on? He's gonna say get it on. And then I'm gonna say, Angel, are you ready to get on? And you, you reply, get it on. All right?

58:27 Drew This is very important to this call.

58:29 Adam Do you think we can get through this?

58:29 Drew Critical, this is critical for me.

58:30 Adam Do you think we can get through this?

58:32 Drew Yeah, we can.

58:33 Adam We can? I think we can too. All right, you ready?

58:36 Drew No way.

58:37 Adam All right, here we go. Drew, you ready to get it on?

58:40 Drew Get it on.

58:42 Adam Engineer Chris, you ready to get it on?

58:44 Drew Get it on.

58:45 Adam Angel, you ready to get it on?

58:47 Caller Get it on.

58:48 Adam Yeah. Little hesitation, but nice.

58:51 Drew Oh, she was good.

58:52 Adam All right, baby doll.

58:54 Drew Just listen, you are in control. Just remember that, not him, you.

58:58 Adam Get some lube, you're in charge. All right, Ron. Yeah, what's going on? What's happening, Ron? Hello?

59:07 Drew Ron's a virgin.

59:09 Adam You're 21, Ron?

59:10 Drew Right.

59:10 Yeah, I'm 21.

59:11 Adam 21.

59:12 And I'm black, too.

59:13 Adam And you're black, okay.

59:14 Yeah, black. And I was calling because of-

59:17 Drew Yeah, calling why?

59:18 I was calling for like the last two and a half, three months. I mean, getting this like sensation, like a pinching or a crawling sensation around the sac area. And I wanna know, like if crabs go untreated, how long do they last for, or like where do they go? Things like that.

59:35 Drew They stay pretty much as long as you let them co-exist with you, but they cause intense itching, not just little creepy crawly sensations. It itches like hell, gets red and burns. So what is it you're experiencing? Is it actually on the scrotum or is it sort of behind the scrotum? Behind, you've got a crawling kind of feeling?

59:56 A what kind of feeling?

59:57 Drew Do you ride bikes or anything?

59:59 No.

1:00:00 Adam Black guys don't ride bikes.

1:00:01 They do. We don't ride bikes.

1:00:03 Adam They got escalates.

1:00:05 Steel bikes.

1:00:06 Adam Steel bikes. Yeah. There's a bogus call by the way.

1:00:10 Drew No, I don't think so. No, I'll just say.

1:00:13 I have better things to do with my time. I listen to the show every night, though.

1:00:18 Adam Real black man. What do you do for a living?

1:00:20 I go to school.

1:00:21 Adam Where do you go to school?

1:00:23 At University of Maryland.

1:00:27 Adam Terrapin. Say, say, pronounce the word ask.

1:00:33 Pronounce the word ask.

1:00:35 Adam Ask. No, ask. Ask. Ask a question.

1:00:41 Oh, ask.

1:00:42 Adam Yeah.

1:00:43 Ask. You can say ask.

1:00:45 Adam All right. All right. I'm down.

1:00:46 Drew It goes both ways.

1:00:47 Adam I'm gone. I'm cool. All right, Drew, what about that? The creepy crawler in the back of the sack.

1:00:52 Drew I don't know what that would be, Ron. It's probably nothing, really. There's a nerve you can injure down there. People occasionally injure from prolonged sitting on a bike seat, that sort of thing. And a crawly kind of sensation usually is a nerve pain.

1:01:07 Adam Do you feel crabs? I've never had crabs. Do you feel them crawl? You don't feel them. They just itch, right? They just itch, yeah.

1:01:12 Drew They don't really move. They're the slowest moving creatures.

1:01:15 Adam They dig in.

1:01:16 Drew Yeah. They sort of burrow in.

1:01:18 Adam Yeah, they burrow in, Ron. You wouldn't feel them running around.

1:01:21 Okay.

1:01:23 Drew All right.

1:01:23 Adam Well, you have a girlfriend?

1:01:25 I have many.

1:01:26 Adam You have many girlfriends.

1:01:29 Drew Is there more you want to tell us? It's sort of a vague question.

1:01:32 Adam What's your major?

1:01:33 Yeah, there is more, too. There's like a rash, too, that like, I don't know. At first, when I first had it, I thought it was because of the soap I was using. I didn't pay too much attention to it. And then that was about a month ago. And it just came back this week. I don't know. I don't know.

1:01:52 Drew And it's staying the same spot?

1:01:54 Yeah.

1:01:56 Drew What does the rash look like?

1:01:58 Like right now it's just bumps, like bumps in the central area.

1:02:04 Drew Do they ever get blistery at all? Because the creepy crawly, burny sensation can be like a pre-herpetic thing.

1:02:14 Adam Why creepy crawly?

1:02:15 Drew Well, you know when you get a lip herpes, you get that kind of burny, you know, crawly feeling right there. And if it's something sort of back in the perineal area, it can feel kind of uncomfortable. So the herpes, I worry about that if there's a rash. But in all probability, it's probably just a fungus, just a tinnia. I might try some over-the-counter fungus cream.

1:02:34 Adam What did you say? Ron, what did you say?

1:02:39 Drew There is a blood test, but it's fairly worthless. The test is really you go in there and have a doctor look at the rash.

1:02:44 Adam Is it really that worthless?

1:02:46 Drew It's only useful as a corroboration. It's in addition to if there is a highly suspicious situation and you got a positive test, it seals the deal.

1:02:56 Adam So why? You could test positive for herpes via blood test and not have it half the time?

1:03:03 Drew The accuracy of a test is dependent on the probability of it being positive.

1:03:07 Adam Really?

1:03:07 Drew Yeah.

1:03:08 Adam That's why you really. If you took one of your kids and just got him a herpes blood test.

1:03:15 Drew Could be positive.

1:03:16 Adam It could be positive.

1:03:17 Caller It could be positive easily.

1:03:18 Adam But you say, but it's not true with HIV tests, is it? No.

1:03:22 Drew That's a different kind. It's not a.

1:03:25 Adam Well, you say the accuracy of tests is based on the probability.

1:03:30 Drew Every single test the doctor does has a different accuracy and sort of the quality of the tests are different in every single test we do. The probability of it being truthful is very variable. All right.

1:03:46 Adam You're running out of steam, buddy.

1:03:47 Drew Well, I'm trying to think of a way of describing that with the way to understand it. You got nothing.

1:03:50 Adam You got nothing. Let's just move forward, huh?

1:03:53 Drew Yeah.

1:03:53 Adam Let's cut our losses. Who's been on hold the longest? Let's talk to Alisha or Alissa or whatever her name is. What's your name, baby doll?

1:04:02 It's Alissa.

1:04:04 Adam Alissa. All right. You're 19. What's up?

1:04:07 Caller So I'm like attracted to abusive like men.

1:04:12 Adam Yeah.

1:04:13 Caller Yeah.

1:04:14 Adam Get it on. What's happening? Yeah. So.

1:04:18 Caller Yeah.

1:04:20 Adam Sure.

1:04:21 Caller What?

1:04:22 Adam Was your dad abusive?

1:04:24 Caller No. But my mom was.

1:04:27 Drew Yeah. All right.

1:04:28 Adam So what's up?

1:04:29 Caller Well, I had a boyfriend when I was 14 and we have been going on and off for five years now. He is pretty abusive verbally and emotionally, not physically, but once we break up, we'll not talk for like two months or whatever, we talk again and it's like I'm totally attracted to him again and I can't stay away.

1:04:59 Adam So now what's going on? Neither one of you is meeting anyone else in the interim? That's what it's going to take for you guys to stay broken up. One of you is going to have to fall in love again.

1:05:09 Drew Why aren't you having that?

1:05:10 Adam Why isn't that happening in two months? I don't know.

1:05:15 Drew As we've talked about that abusive quality relationship can intensify the attachment need. So the person that's doing the abusing is also the person they're going to for the relief of the abuse. So it intensifies things.

1:05:29 Adam Well, anyway, you guys have been going out since you were 14 for the love of Christ. That's enough.

1:05:34 Drew Time for change.

1:05:35 Adam Five years on and off. Let's just call it off for good. All right. And as far as the abuse stuff, how about you find a boyfriend that's not verbally abusive?

1:05:49 Caller I mean, try.

1:05:50 Adam Well, it seems like you could. It does. I know your mom was a little nutty, but your dad was decent, right?

1:05:56 Caller No.

1:05:57 Adam No. What did he have going?

1:06:00 Caller He kicked me out of the house.

1:06:03 Adam How old were you?

1:06:05 Caller I was just over 18, and I was still in high school.

1:06:09 Adam Oh, OK. Why did he kick you out of the house?

1:06:11 Caller Because my stepmom and I don't get along at all.

1:06:13 Adam Yeah. Chicks, by the way, hate stepmoms. Guys don't really care.

1:06:19 Caller Yeah.

1:06:20 Adam Guys are so many. Guys are like having a pet. You get an 18-year-old guy, just kick him out of the house, just like a dog, go sleep outside. Whatever. Go out of the garage. Yeah. Chicks hate my... My sister hated my stepmom. They just... They don't like them for what... For the role that they fill and the position that they fill.

1:06:39 Drew They get to be blamed for everything.

1:06:41 Adam Ugh. Yeah. All right. All right. So you're painting the ass with your stepmom and your dad booted you out of the house. And by the way, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, which is... First off, the dad is happy to be with some new blood. He's got the new relationship going. The daughter and the stepmom are going at it. And the dad is basically like, look, I got to live with this broad for the rest of my life. I'm kicking this troublemaker out of here. I'm not going to deal with it. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's what happened over in the Corolla family.

1:07:16 Drew But again, Alyssa, so her esteem is completely shattered. She's stuck in this cycle of abuse she can't get out of. Alyssa, you've got to get yourself some help if you can't break this because this is a very dysfunctional relationship. It's gone on far too long. Programs that begin when you're 14, 15, 16 are supposed to end, even though it's hard to imagine it we were talking about last night. How could this, how could it possibly end? Well, they all do. This one really needs to.

1:07:41 Adam Alyssa could have been a pain in the ass too. All right, so dad kicked you out. Hey, Alyssa.

1:07:47 Caller Yeah?

1:07:47 Adam Why were you going at it with your stepmom?

1:07:50 Caller Oh my gosh, she's horrible. I have a step sister who's my age, and she's the one who's pretty, and she's the one who's smart. My stepmom constantly puts me down.

1:08:01 Adam Yeah, yeah.

1:08:03 Drew Do you have to stay home at night and clean the chimneys and the fireplaces?

1:08:09 Caller Well, no.

1:08:09 Drew Get up at midnight and cook the food for everybody in the morning?

1:08:12 Adam Yeah.

1:08:13 Caller No, but I did have-

1:08:14 Drew And then everybody else gets to go to the ball. The prince puts on a ball.

1:08:18 Caller I did have a boyfriend, and when he broke up with me because of how I looked, she told me point blank how could somebody be attracted to you.

1:08:28 Adam I'm sure she didn't say that, but that's all my sister used to do, too.

1:08:33 Drew What she said was, with that black fingernail polish and the black hair and the white- How is anybody going to be attracted to you? Why did you take care of yourself? Why did you take care of yourself?

1:08:43 Adam Why buy you some nice clothing?

1:08:45 Drew That goes in as, she told me I was ugly.

1:08:47 Adam I know. Every time we have that where, oh, my dad said I was stupid or ugly or fat or whatever, it's like, no, they don't say that. They say stuff like, how could you do something so stupid, that kind of stuff.

1:08:58 Drew It's like we're begging you to take care of yourself. Let's get you a trainer so you can lose the weight and maybe you'll be more attractive. There you go.

1:09:07 Adam Drew, you can keep talking, by the way, if I take a sip of coffee. You don't have to stop.

1:09:10 Drew Well, you ran out of steam at that exact moment. I have a certain, I can only go so far. I tried to take a sip of coffee twice in my time show. I'm like a sort of like a Special Olympics, you know, like with a muscle disease.

1:09:21 You got the special part right.

1:09:23 Drew A few yards and it's over.

1:09:25 Adam All right. So listen, look, look, all you broads out there, leave your stepmom alone. They're pain in the ass, but why get into it with them? And you expect your dad to buck up and back, get your back? No way. He whipped. My poor dad. Are you kidding? Adios.

1:09:43 Drew But really, we live in a time in a country where there is a sort of we've institutionalized the transition out of the home. What 18, 19, the school, got dorms, dorms. But you know what I mean? You can get away from that home that's not working for you in formal life.

1:09:58 Adam I had carpet cleaning. I had an apartment.

1:10:00 Drew But the point is, not everyone's a loser. Did I say those words come out? What did I say?

1:10:05 Adam Get it off.

1:10:07 Drew And that there's all this opportunity to leave and go to schools. I mean, all kinds of schools out there. Not everything is.

1:10:12 Adam Yeah, but you got to realize, Drew, most of the crappy families we're talking about with the crappy step parents and the dads and all that, they're not going off to college anywhere. That is a pipe dream for most people. Not really.

1:10:25 Drew Not a lot of.

1:10:26 Adam No. Going off. I didn't know anybody went off to college who came from that. They couldn't. Are you kidding? Do you understand? When you don't have like parents, you can't even fill out stuff, you know, oh, oh, you just get a student loan and you're 17, you're 18, you're an idiot, your parents don't care. They want you out of the house. You don't fill out paperwork. You don't do anything.

1:10:47 Drew But what I'm saying is, is that you, there's an out and if you're really motivated to leave in this really miserable situation, there is, there is an out.

1:10:53 Adam Yeah, it's an out. You get a couple of roommates, you, all three of you get a crappy job and you move into one bedroom and you bunk up on a futon and you try to get it, do a better job and make another buck 50 an hour. That's how it works.

1:11:05 Drew There you go.

1:11:06 Adam And you get it on.

1:11:07 Caller All right.

1:11:08 Adam We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. Is this your song, Drew? No, this isn't your song. Who is this, Anderson? Yeah. I like that song.

1:12:16 Caller You like the Modest Mouse one.

1:12:17 Drew I like the Modest Mouse.

1:12:18 Adam You like the Modest Mouse.

1:12:19 Drew Load on.

1:12:20 Adam Yeah, hey, Drew likes the Modest Mouse. This is it. This is it. Yeah.

1:12:25 Drew You seen the video for this? Pretty wild.

1:12:28 Adam Oh yeah, you like it. We should get the Modest Mousens in here.

1:12:31 Drew Are they gay? No.

1:12:33 Adam No, you're gay.

1:12:33 Drew I'm gay for liking it?

1:12:34 Adam Yeah, that's what we're saying. And because your voice cracked when you said liking it.

1:12:38 Drew I'm gay for liking it.

1:12:40 Adam Peter Brady over here.

1:12:43 Caller Rick.

1:12:44 Yeah.

1:12:45 Adam You're 18.

1:12:46 Caller Yeah.

1:12:47 Caller What's up?

1:12:48 Caller Okay, well, see, like it was about a week ago and me and my girlfriend were, you know, we're having sex, we're going out, right? And she came and it seemed like, you know, like that milky substance that comes out, there's a lot of blood in it, too, and she's not a virgin. So I don't know what that's all about because she's kind of freaked out. I mean, she's not exactly terrified, but, you know, we haven't really, we haven't done it since, so.

1:13:10 Drew Rick, many women bleed during sex and after sex. That's a common thing. Why are you so freaked out?

1:13:16 Caller Well, because this is the first time it's ever happened.

1:13:19 Drew Okay, well, it will happen again.

1:13:22 Caller Well, because it's really weird because we've done it quite a bit of times and it has never happened like that. It's never been mixed in with the.

1:13:29 Drew It'll happen again. Is she on the birth control pill now?

1:13:33 Caller Oh, no, no, no.

1:13:34 Drew She's on no.

1:13:35 Caller We just use condoms.

1:13:36 Drew Condoms. Well, it'll happen again. That's just the normal thing.

1:13:40 Adam Gotta suck it up, buddy.

1:13:42 Drew Are you sure?

1:13:42 Adam Part of being a man. Yeah.

1:13:43 Drew She needs a pelvic exam to be sure, but to have a little bit of blood generated from intercourse is a very, very common thing. Just the lining of the uterus can be sort of unstable and just can stimulate to slough off a little bit.

1:13:55 Adam Yeah.

1:13:55 Drew And there's already discharge and things there, so it kind of mixes in.

1:13:58 Adam It's like a sword fight. If you're not drawing blood, you're not getting the job done. So my dad used to tell me.

1:14:03 Drew That's nice.

1:14:04 Adam Oh, my dad, he used to sit me down. He'd say, son, and then he would fall asleep. No, my daddy, a lot of wisdom, a lot of pearls, a lot of pearls.

1:14:14 Drew Especially by the intercourse.

1:14:15 Adam Oh, he would sit down. I remember we weren't talking.

1:14:17 Drew Oh, he was preparing for this career.

1:14:19 Adam Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, he would always tell me, son, you know, if you're not going to college, son, you got to get in the radio. Yeah, we had a lot of those talks. Yeah. Thomas? Yeah. You're 22. Yeah.

1:14:34 Drew OK, here we go, Thomas. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, come on.

1:14:38 Adam Got to get it on.

1:14:39 Drew Get it on.

1:14:41 Adam Get it on. Yeah, what's happening, Thomas?

1:14:44 Caller Oh, oh, I can't say that on the radio, huh? Sorry, man.

1:14:49 Adam All right.

1:14:49 Drew Whatever you said, it was OK.

1:14:51 Adam Well, I had him on hold. Thomas is borderline retarded.

1:14:54 Drew I don't want to talk to him. Please, come on. I know, but it's one that makes me mad.

1:14:59 Adam It's bogus, Drew.

1:15:00 Drew Women, though, ask that question all the time.

1:15:03 Adam No, they don't.

1:15:04 Drew They do.

1:15:04 Adam Say the question.

1:15:05 Drew The question he has there is, if she puts her finger in his anus, will it intensify her cause and orgasm? Which is the Cosmo crap?

1:15:14 Adam Drew hates Cosmo.

1:15:18 Drew See how that works?

1:15:20 Adam You want to go back and talk to him?

1:15:21 Drew No, no, just see how that works. I get out of the chutes, I can run about two yards, and that's it.

1:15:25 Adam You're done.

1:15:26 Drew You don't know that by now?

1:15:28 Adam I guess I do. But the fact that we get paid the same makes me think, maybe he's got more in him.

1:15:32 Drew Do you mean my disability should somehow be discriminated against?

1:15:36 Caller Well, you shouldn't be compensated for it.

1:15:37 Adam How dare you? There's got to be a compromise between overly compensated and accommodated. Yeah.

1:15:47 Drew Yeah. Well, we'll see. No.

1:15:48 Adam I mean, overly compensated for financially.

1:15:51 Drew Oh, I see compensated.

1:15:52 Adam And discriminated against. Yeah. Hey, Thomas?

1:15:56 Caller Yeah.

1:15:57 Adam All right. I'm labeling your call bogus.

1:15:59 Drew If it is bogus, go ahead and say it and then go ahead and tell us what you made up as a question.

1:16:04 Caller My girlfriend's sitting right here.

1:16:06 Caller You can even ask her.

1:16:06 Drew All right. I'd like to talk to her.

1:16:08 Caller You want to talk to her?

1:16:09 Drew Please. Hi there. We're going to have you ask the question.

1:16:17 Caller I just want you guys to tell him that it's true. If I stick my fingers up his butt, he'd get an orgasm.

1:16:22 Caller Is there a little nerve right there?

1:16:25 Drew No, that is not true. That is absolutely not true.

1:16:29 Caller I thought guys had some little like...

1:16:32 Drew Listen. Very few guys find that pleasurable. Very few. Most guys find it uncomfortable and meaningless and stop reading those magazines that give you that crappy advice.

1:16:44 Adam She doesn't read magazines.

1:16:45 Did Ms. Mama Pinsky put her little pinky in Dr. Drew's little dump?

1:16:52 Adam Yes, she did. All right there, Thomas. Thanks, everybody. You got to keep her. Yeah, you hang on to her with both hands. You understand?

1:17:04 Drew You got to take a bullet for us one of these days, too, though, Thomas.

1:17:06 Adam Yeah.

1:17:07 Drew You owe us.

1:17:07 Adam You owe us. Yeah. That's a good woman. All right, you ready to move on here, Drew? Chelsea?

1:17:14 Yeah.

1:17:15 Adam You're 20?

1:17:16 Caller Hi.

1:17:17 Adam What's up?

1:17:18 Caller Not much.

1:17:19 Adam What's your question?

1:17:21 Caller My son's about 10 and a half months old and I started smoking cannabis again about three months ago and I probably smoke it maybe two or three times a week. And my ex tells me, he freaks out on me now that we're not together about it and says that it's bad for the baby and I'm sure it's not good for him but I just want to know what kind of effects it will have on my son.

1:17:46 Adam I like the fact that you're sure it's not good for him.

1:17:49 Drew Yeah, it's tantamount to child abuse.

1:17:52 Adam It is.

1:17:52 Drew Yeah, you're giving chemicals to a child.

1:17:54 Adam Via the breast milk.

1:17:56 Drew It's very serious. Not only that, an intoxicated mother is an abandoning and disconnected mom.

1:18:01 Adam A little weed. Come on, my mom smoked a little pot.

1:18:04 Drew Had no effect on you. None, none. You never brought it up. Never brought it up. And what's great is you weren't even an infant when that all went on, where it can really have a profound effect.

1:18:12 Adam She called them her herbal cigarettes.

1:18:15 Drew So, what are we going to do here, Chelsea? If you are addicted to pot to the point that you're going to put your child in harm's way, I suggest you get some help with that.

1:18:21 Adam Well, how often are you smoking pot?

1:18:23 Drew Two to three times a week, she said. But that's her trying to control it because she knows it's bad. She said so herself.

1:18:31 Caller I mean, I quit doing it for like two or three years, and it made me because I would get paranoid. And then after I had him, it was weird. I craved it. It was I never had that feeling before.

1:18:39 Drew Well, now you have it.

1:18:41 Adam You were you say you never had that feeling before, but you were smoking pot, right?

1:18:45 Drew You never had the craving because you never let go.

1:18:50 Caller Yeah, I got to the point where I couldn't do it anymore, and I just didn't like it.

1:18:54 Drew And then it was well, what happens with pot is if you do it longer, the effects wear off. And so most people switch to other drugs at that point. They'll switch to alcohol or speed because that corrects some of the depression and brings some of the effect back on the pot.

1:19:05 Adam Where is the husband or the father, I should say?

1:19:10 Caller I just barely moved out of his house a couple of weeks ago. And then now he brings up what a bad mom I am for doing that.

1:19:24 Drew Well, it's not just bad mom, it could be criminal.

1:19:28 Adam Really?

1:19:28 Drew Yeah, you've got to be really careful with stuff.

1:19:30 Adam What's the criminal part, the breastfeeding part?

1:19:33 Drew Well, there are increasingly taking actions against women who use substances during pregnancy.

1:19:40 Adam During pregnancy.

1:19:41 Drew And now I've not seen anything specifically about You're doing the math. during nursing, but that's I'm sure going to be happening.

1:19:48 Adam You could extrapolate that, yes. Exactly. Chelsea?

1:19:51 Caller I would justify it because I was like, Oh, I'm not a crack whore, but you know, it's not right. I know it's not right.

1:19:56 Adam Yeah. Oh, a little gas ghost speaking of crack. Yeah, there will always be worse mothers than you.

1:20:02 Drew Yes.

1:20:04 Adam That really shouldn't be, you know, look.

1:20:06 Drew Some women drown their kids. This goes straight ahead.

1:20:10 Adam That's right. She's worse. You're not drowning your kid.

1:20:13 Drew That's worse.

1:20:13 Adam By the way, it's like when your team was one in 15 last year, don't look at the team that's 0 and 16 and go, they were worse. Go ahead and try to improve your record.

1:20:24 Drew Yeah.

1:20:26 Adam I can't say they're worse moms than me.

1:20:29 Drew But that's denial.

1:20:30 Caller You have to look around a little.

1:20:31 Drew That's what addiction is, though.

1:20:32 Adam All right, Chelsea.

1:20:33 Caller I'm afraid she's going to use it against me, basically to take custody of my son. That's what I was most afraid of. And yeah, I'm not going to just stop doing it just because of that fact. I mean, I'll quit doing it because I know, I just didn't know how harmful it really was.

1:20:47 Drew You could lose the child, you could face criminal charges, you could harm the child. Okay, go ahead and stop. That's enough. Any one of those will be fine. You know, a reason to stop. And if the drug is more important than all those things, then that is profound addiction.

1:21:02 Adam And now, let me just figure out this again. Where is the father of the child?

1:21:09 Caller Where is he? He was with his parents and I just moved into my mom's like within the past few weeks.

1:21:15 Adam So you moved out of his parents? Yeah, that's where the confusion came because I said, where's the guy? And you sort of said, I moved out of his house. It sort of led me to believe that it was something with parents. You got to say he's living at home and you were living with him. But anyway, you moved out of his parents' house and into your parents' house. Correct. All right. By the way, this is why you don't have kids at 20 because the father's living at home and then the mom, then they get in a blowout because they're living in the rumpus room and then you go home to your mom.

1:21:49 Drew Remember the call we had last night where the girl was going, well, my parents and her, his parents are going to take care of me. This is that craziness.

1:21:55 Adam And so is he going to be in The Child's Life?

1:21:59 Caller Yeah. Actually, my son's over there. We switch off like every other day.

1:22:03 Adam All right. And what's he doing besides living at home?

1:22:07 Caller He works. So I stayed home for nine months with my son. And I started working. And then he cheated on me again and again and again. And he tells me about it every time.

1:22:18 Adam This guy's got quite an operator. He's cheating from home. You know what I mean? Living at your folks' house and your wife and your son.

1:22:27 Drew And it announces it.

1:22:27 Adam So he's cheating. And this guy, by the way, this guy, he's got range. He's living at his parents' house.

1:22:35 Caller Yeah.

1:22:36 Adam With you and his son, any cheats?

1:22:40 Caller Yeah. At random. He'll get drunk. He supposedly doesn't remember. He said somebody saw him do it. That's why he came clean. Which I don't know how.

1:22:51 Adam How do you know somebody saw him do it if he's blacked out?

1:22:53 Drew Here's the deal. He has to be abusing her.

1:22:56 Caller I ended up knowing the girl that saw it happen.

1:23:00 Drew How else was he abusing George? Well, we're going.

1:23:05 Adam What are you guys? Are you going for the world's worst parent? Is that what you guys are trying to accomplish?

1:23:11 Caller No. We actually. We've been together for three years. And he just cheated on me before I was pregnant. And then it hadn't happened for two years.

1:23:21 Adam You broke up with him.

1:23:22 Caller Fine.

1:23:23 Caller It makes me feel guilty.

1:23:24 Caller He tells you things.

1:23:25 Adam Look, please stop acting out. Look, don't have kids when you're 20. Everybody. And but this isn't abuse to this child. Imagine this guy who's raising this guy. You wouldn't I wouldn't let this guy hold my umbrella. I wouldn't like if he was just standing by the door and it was raining and I went to a restaurant, I wouldn't trust him. So he's going to burn a hole in it. He's going to have somebody with a coat hanger. He's going to do that Tony Randall thing where he sticks it into a cigar and that holds it up in Oscar Madison's face. I just can you imagine this guy rearing a kid? As a society, no problem? Let me do this. Let me ask you this. Some of these countries that aren't doing so well, such as Africa, what's the problem? What's going on over there? Is it good parents staying together? Everyone's college educated, plenty of money to go around, mature parents? Is that the problem? Is that the problem over there? Why are the kids going bad over there? Why is there AIDS being spread around? Why the poverty? Why the unemployment? Why the disease? What's going on over there? Let's think. Could be a lot of moms getting pregnant and dads not around. Could be a lot of uneducated people with no means getting pregnant at a very early age.

1:24:47 Drew No food either out there.

1:24:48 Adam That's a big problem. I'm going to count that as a reason why you shouldn't get pregnant. But the point is how do the kids turn out? Well, a couple of years goes by and now you got a problem. Yes? Okay. Don't want to do that kind of math? You know what I mean? The earlier you get pregnant, the poorer you are, the dumber you are, the less dad hangs around, the worse it is on the kid. And eventually you get enough of those and you got Africa. That's what you got, right? All right. Is that what we want? Is that our thing? Yeah. We want to get that going over here? Hey, that's great. Let's get that going over here. That's fantastic. Then we could send ourselves relief. Be awesome. We send all the relief to Africa and they send half of it. They keep some of the condoms and some of the AZT for themselves and maybe some canned garbanzo beans and send some of the crap back our way so we can take care of ourselves. Is that the plan?

1:25:44 Drew Seems to be. All right.

1:25:46 Adam Fantastic. No correlation there? Don't want to work on that? I want to focus on that.

1:25:49 Drew No.

1:25:50 Adam No.

1:25:51 Drew Drug policies.

1:25:52 Adam We can. We got to talk about. Canadian drugs. We can talk about. Okay. Here's a big topic. Secondhand smoke and Canadian drugs and speeders.

1:26:02 Drew And people's Vietnam War records.

1:26:04 Adam And there's some smoking going on on the beach. We got to put an end to that. Then we focus on this problem. It's way down the list. Way down the list. All right? All right. Take a quick break. Be right back. Guess how many Terrific Sense Acts Theodorant Body Spray comes in?

1:26:26 Drew I bet six.

1:26:27 Adam No, it's more. No, more. No, seven. Anyway, seven's a nut, right? Seven's great. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew.

1:27:06 Drew He's very upset. Oh, my.

1:27:12 Adam Yeah. I did Best Damn Sports Show, Best Damn. Yeah. I did that show today. I got whacked in the head by linebacker Brian Cox with a wood dowel. Still reeling. I was telling Drew, they asked me if I wanted to fill in for Tom Arnold for a week. Sounded good, but I got a job. I got daytime. You know what I'm saying?

1:27:32 Drew You want to be done by one.

1:27:33 Adam Got to make with the jokes. How dare you?

1:27:35 Drew Two. I beg your pardon.

1:27:36 Adam I'm 30. I'm 30. Are you ready to get it on?

1:27:39 Drew Yeah.

1:27:40 Adam Let's get it on. Mike?

1:27:43 Caller Hey, how's it going, fellas?

1:27:45 Adam Good. You're 19. What's up?

1:27:47 Caller I'm 19.

1:27:48 Caller Basically, my question is, all right, I was having sex with this girl. Well, actually, okay, she gave me oral to start with, and I came one time, and then we started having sex, and I used a condom, and while we're having sex, I heard this pop, and I pulled it out real quick, and it was a condom, it burst open. There was a balloon popped.

1:28:21 Drew Well, sometimes they can get some air force in the tip and actually keep pistoning it down there.

1:28:25 Adam All right. You hear the pop.

1:28:27 Drew It's kind of weird, but I can imagine it.

1:28:29 Caller It was loud, too. It was like you put a pin to a balloon.

1:28:34 Adam No. No.

1:28:36 Drew Yeah.

1:28:36 Caller So basically, I took it out right away, and basically, I'm just worried that, you know.

1:28:41 Drew Well, whenever there's possibly a sperm around, which there is after an orgasm and condom breaks, that's an indication for the morning after pill, the emergency contraception, just in case.

1:28:51 Adam Let's get it on, Drew.

1:28:52 Drew Get it on.

1:28:53 Adam By dating a girl in Florida.

1:28:55 Drew We haven't had a germ in Florida in like two weeks. Weird.

1:28:58 Adam Somebody bailed us out with one last week sometime. Liz? You're 20?

1:29:04 Caller Yeah.

1:29:05 Adam What's up, baby doll?

1:29:09 Caller I just moved to Arizona from Florida, and I lived there for a year because I broke up with my boyfriend in Phoenix. So I moved to Florida, where I had gone to high school at, and I went to live with a friend, and I met a girl, and she was my first girlfriend. And I'm kind of, I left Florida because I kind of wanted better opportunities in Arizona where my family is at. And now I'm kind of back with him, and I don't really know what I want. I don't really know if I want him or her. And they both know the situations I'm in. What do you mean?

1:29:45 Adam You mean you don't know if you want a guy or a girl?

1:29:47 Caller I don't know if I want her or him.

1:29:50 Adam Yeah, that's a guy or a girl.

1:29:53 Caller I don't know if I want my ex-boyfriend in Arizona who I'm basically staying with right now. Or I don't know if I want to be with her and she's in Florida.

1:30:02 Adam All right, well you're in Arizona, right?

1:30:05 Caller Yes, but I already bought a ticket back to be with her. And she knows that I don't know if I want to be with her or him.

1:30:15 Drew All I get from Liz is just what we call a porous boundary. It's like, where does Liz stop? And these people, it's like, oof, everything's porous.

1:30:22 Adam What's up with you? What'd your parents do to you?

1:30:25 Drew Foster care?

1:30:27 Caller No, no. Actually, I grew up with my dad until I was about 12.

1:30:31 Drew Where was your mom?

1:30:33 Caller I came out until that he-

1:30:35 Drew Where was your mom?

1:30:36 Adam Where was your mom?

1:30:38 Caller My dad got all of us, me and my three brothers and me.

1:30:45 Drew Are we in X-Men?

1:30:47 Adam I don't know, too tired. Where was your mom?

1:30:52 Caller She was there. I got to see her three times a week when I was little. And then I went to live with my mother in Florida, too. They both lived in Florida.

1:31:02 Drew Wait a minute. You understand what we're asking, Liz? Why did your mom lose custody of all of her kids?

1:31:08 Caller Because she's poor.

1:31:10 Drew No.

1:31:10 Caller Pretty much that. Pretty much, pretty much that.

1:31:12 Drew Yeah, well, give me the rest of it other than the pretty much part.

1:31:15 Caller I don't think she could afford us, but-

1:31:18 Adam No, I know. Listen, nobody can afford them. That's why the husband pays.

1:31:22 Drew Right. Why did she not get custody of the kids?

1:31:28 Caller She didn't abuse me or anything like that.

1:31:31 Drew Liz, well, she did something because you're refusing to answer the question.

1:31:35 Caller She didn't do anything. My father abused me, and that's when I went to live with her when I was 12.

1:31:41 Drew He sexually abused you?

1:31:43 Caller He messed my father sexually in, and you know, emotionally abused me.

1:31:49 Adam Okay, but remember, in Florida... All right, hold on a second. First off, in Florida, if you only sexually abuse your kid, they give you the keys to the city.

1:32:00 Drew Really?

1:32:00 Adam Yeah, they have a program for that. They're used to sexual, physical, and verbal abuse in Florida, and if you just do like, let's say, physical and sexual, or sexual and verbal, but you don't do the hat trick, you're considered a hero.

1:32:13 Drew Hero, the city of Borracho.

1:32:15 Adam The city of Borracho will give you the city Borracho.

1:32:19 Drew City of Borracho.

1:32:20 Adam City of Borracho. What's that mean?

1:32:21 Drew Drunk.

1:32:22 Adam Oh, okay.

1:32:23 Drew It's in Spanish.

1:32:24 Adam Oh yeah, Borracho. Hey, Liz? All right, you're all over the map, baby. You're a mess, because you're horrible parents. Okay, so listen, how about this? Please, please, please don't get pregnant.

1:32:37 Drew Maybe the girl is a good thing for her.

1:32:40 Caller I already had therapy for three years. I mean, I've been through all that.

1:32:45 Drew No, you've not been through all that.

1:32:47 Adam Let me explain what the therapy is gonna be for you. It's gonna be a way of life for a long time. That's a good thing, that's fine. You need it. It's what the insulin is to the diabetic.

1:33:03 Drew Absolutely.

1:33:04 Adam You need it, you understand?

1:33:06 Drew To help contain all this, you have no boundaries, none. Naturally, you can't even...

1:33:11 Adam Spin it.

1:33:11 Drew You can't even figure out why your mother didn't raise you.

1:33:14 Adam Yeah.

1:33:14 Drew And then you were sexually abused by a dad. And remember, your mom is the woman that thought... Your mom... Listen. Oh, well, that's why she didn't get custody. All divorced women lose their children, of course.

1:33:24 Caller They were divorced when I was pretty much two years old.

1:33:30 Drew Liz, your mom lost...

1:33:32 Adam Stop talking, though. You have no answers.

1:33:33 Drew Yeah, you don't know why your mom lost...

1:33:35 Caller I really have no idea.

1:33:37 Drew Right, you have no idea. We got that. But the fact is, your mom lost custody of the kids for some egregious reason, even if it was just that she relinquished them to the dad. And by the way...

1:33:46 Adam But then the dad did the molesting.

1:33:48 Drew She saw fit to hook up with a child molester. Right. So that means your mom was abused too.

1:33:53 Adam And then dumped the kids off with the molesting.

1:33:54 Drew Right. It is a horrible situation. You need some work with that.

1:33:58 Adam All right. So stop acting out. You're chaotic. Engineer Chris, spinning like a dreidel or whirling like a dervish? Spinning like a dreidel. You're spinning like a dreidel. Do you know what a dreidel is?

1:34:13 Drew Yeah.

1:34:14 Adam You do?

1:34:14 Drew It's that devil thing. Devil thing. We'll get some letters on that one.

1:34:19 Adam We're going to take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back after this.

1:34:24 Caller Alright guys, here's the deal. You looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:34:29 One call is all you need to make.

1:35:05 Adam Yeah, everybody, get it on.

1:35:06 Drew Get it on.

1:35:07 Adam All right, Dean Kane, dear, dear, dear friend. Dean Kane on the show tomorrow night. Looking forward to that. So, until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo.

1:35:17 Drew Are they gay? No.

1:35:18 Adam No, you're gay.

1:35:19 Drew Wait, I'm gay for liking it?

1:35:20 Adam Yeah, that's what we're saying. And because your voice cracked when you said liking it.

1:35:24 Drew I'm gay for liking it.

1:35:25 This has been Loveline. Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff. Management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, September 21, 2004