Episode 1000643163777

0:37 Drew Not I.

0:38 Adam I don't think anyone likes that crap. Please shut that ass down. I just don't think anyone likes it. I think there's a whole part of society where no one agrees, there's certain cars, there's certain clothing, there's certain music, there's certain things that go on the sides of dishes, there's certain protocols, there's certain music, there's stuff in the background. Everyone just assumes, well, that's doing a radio show. You gotta listen to crap. You gotta listen to really assy music because you're starting a radio show. But I don't think anyone likes it.

1:08 Drew I don't. You don't.

1:11 Adam Chris, do you like that music?

1:13 Drew Takes all kinds, though, Adam. Takes all kinds.

1:15 Adam I don't think anybody does. No, I don't. I think everyone thinks someone else likes it.

1:20 Drew So anyway.

1:21 Adam All right.

1:21 Drew I've been sick.

1:22 Adam I get the phone number out. 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-Boward Certified Physician, Dix Med Specialist. But he can't heal thyself.

1:32 Drew Oh, I healed. I just erupted prior to healing.

1:35 Adam I saw Drew last night. He came over for my wife's birthday party and he had to make a quick exit. He bid a hasty retreat. And you know what? You did something that I appreciate, by the way, Drew, which is you gave the wave. I'm all right with the wave. And here's the thing about the wave. The wave cover eight, 10 people with one arm. You know what I mean? Like I hate when you leave a party and it's like, oh, okay, I don't know.

2:01 Drew No, wait, wait, wait. You know you gotta go talk to the lady of the house before you leave. Yeah, you have to do that.

2:07 Adam Yeah, here's the thing. When I leave parties, I sneak out. Because if you do that thing where people, here's the deal. Okay, let's just keep talking about protocol for a second and it's gonna tie into your explosive diary in just a second. There's a lot of stuff where people go, you owe the person the dignity of going and shaking their hand or whatever. I remember firing somebody or getting fired. Yes. It's like we wanted to fire our manager, me and Jimmy, for like a year, but it was always like, eh, we gotta go in there. And then there's that weird conversation, uh, listen, Howard, we need to talk. Uh, why? What's up? What's going on? How's noon on Tuesday? And then you come in, it's like, could we close the door? You know, it's, it's just, it's weird and it's stilted and it's uncomfortable.

2:54 Caller And just wave.

2:55 Adam I would keep saying, yeah, let's just wave. Let's just wave.

2:58 Caller I would say, look, let's pick up the phone and fire the guy.

3:01 Adam And Jimmy would always be like, no, we owe it to him to fate. Look at me now. It's more comfortable for him.

3:07 Drew It's true, but people would resent you if you didn't give them a chance.

3:09 Adam Ask them! Look, don't you want to be fired over the phone?

3:14 Drew If I'm gonna be fired no matter what, I, but that's you and me. We want to be just, you're being fired.

3:18 Adam Let's just say you're being fired. Program director Kevin Weatherly here at K-Rock is pulling the off-love line.

3:24 Drew I'd want to hear it.

3:24 Adam You want to call, call you in?

3:26 Drew Because if it's something I really thought was going well, I'd want to know what happened.

3:29 Adam Well, all right, let's not say you're just getting fired like you're, you know, hypothetically blindsided, but let's just say you'd run your race here. You could see that the ratings were dwindling. You're not getting any younger. You're out of touch. Wait a minute. It's time. It's time to be set out. Put out the stud. Wouldn't you just want a phone call? Yes. I really would. You don't want to drive across town, sit uncomfortably, let little small talk. Hey, Raiders looking tough. But Raiders looking tough this year, boy. I'll tell you that Dodgers at Gagney, boy, I tell you that they talk about closers. This kid can close. He's a closer. Anyway, I want to talk to you about, you know, it's that weird. Look, I want to be dumped over the phone, I want to be broken up with, fired. I want to go home and then call the person who's throwing the party and tell them bye. Yeah. Anyway, the point is, is...

4:26 Drew But you got to deal with this if there's a... It seems like women may have stand in that formality more than men.

4:31 Adam You know why? Because they're people... I don't think they like being looked in the eye and fired. They just like to complain about stuff.

4:38 Caller He didn't even have the decency, the common courtesy to call me.

4:44 Adam They're what you call harpies. They're looking to harp. They're really P.O.ed that they got fired or they got dumped or they got whatever, but they like to mix... they're hurt and it has to come out in the form of anger.

4:55 Drew Right, exactly. But I still think that it is...

4:59 Adam I just... I like to wave.

5:00 Drew For you, I knew the wave would be good because I knew it would be good for me.

5:04 Adam The wave like I'm speeding by in the popemobile and Drew was leaving the party last night.

5:09 Drew So I went over to your wife and I said farewell.

5:12 Adam She could have gone with the wave too. I'll sometimes have people wave through her and then she'll turn around and wave back at me. It's a chain thing.

5:18 Drew She's the cutoff wave.

5:20 Adam Drew was starting to leave. I saw him. I just spotted him and his wife walking for the door.

5:25 Caller He spotted me.

5:27 Adam We took half a step toward each other and then stopped, gave the wave and realized everything was cool with us. It's good. Let me tell you what else is good about Drew. So, my assistant said to me two days ago, oh, yeah, Drew's birthday is coming up. Dr. Drew's birthday is coming up. I said, oh, yeah, oh no. That's right. Screw him. He gets nothing.

5:50 Drew Screw me.

5:51 Adam Just say happy birthday.

5:51 Drew That's it.

5:52 Adam Yeah. We've agreed not to get each other breakfast.

5:55 Drew That's not a screw you. That's a supportive friend.

5:57 Adam I love it. I love us. Nope. He'll, I mean, if you want to crap in a tube sock or something and give it to him, but we're not going to spend any money.

6:05 Drew No, no, no.

6:05 Adam I'm just saying I like the wave and when Drew did the wave, I thought it was great. And here's the thing, too. It's hard to get out of parties because people are drunk.

6:16 Drew You were by the way locked into a discussion that I contemplated saving you from, I think.

6:20 Adam Yeah. Probably. A bunch of gay guys. I can't remember what it was.

6:24 Drew All right.

6:25 Adam The point is, is you go to the party and it's like time to leave and you're like, you're trying to, trying to slide out of there and then you get your drunk and where are you going, dude? And then he starts making a little commotion. And then someone else.

6:36 Drew On the way out.

6:37 Adam Daniel.

6:37 Drew Ray. Oh, Ray.

6:39 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

6:40 Drew In the meantime, I'm having an explosive problem.

6:42 Adam Yeah. Now what happened, Drew?

6:44 Drew I just exploded.

6:45 Adam Drew, a little explosive diarrhea?

6:46 Drew Just a little.

6:48 Adam How far? Where'd you make it?

6:49 Drew I made it home.

6:50 Adam Oh, you made it home? With nothing?

6:52 Drew Yeah, yeah.

6:52 Adam Nothing?

6:53 Drew No production, no. And then...

6:56 Adam But as you, as you, as you headed into the house...

6:59 Drew Oh, it was a game on. I mean, there's things with your drawers around your ankles running into the...

7:05 Adam Stuff coming out before the ass actually hits the seat.

7:08 Drew It's one of those things where you can hear the bowel, like... With the stuff sort of be forced to flushing down. Yeah, yeah.

7:15 Adam Drew, what'd you get hold of?

7:16 Drew I don't know. I thought it was that meat, those waffles you gave me.

7:19 Adam No.

7:19 Drew No, good. That was delicious by the way. Yeah, it was great. Even if it was, I'd eat it again.

7:23 Adam Oh, what a compliment. Yeah, no, the, everyone ate like, each, he brought like 50 pounds of this flank steak and everyone ate like 4 pounds a piece. So everyone would just be, you know.

7:35 Drew Yeah, finally.

7:36 Adam Leave a trail all the way home. So, how about this morning? How are you?

7:40 Drew A little, just getting better. It's still a little irritated.

7:45 Adam Let's see if we can cook something up. Oh, I'll produce for you.

7:52 Yeah?

7:53 Adam You're 17?

7:55 Caller Mm-hmm.

7:56 Drew What kind of name is Trig?

7:57 Caller What?

7:58 Drew What kind of name is Trig?

7:59 Caller It's Norwegian.

8:00 Drew Norwegian?

8:02 Caller I got Germany or Florida statistics for you.

8:05 Adam All right.

8:06 Caller Okay. Adam, I do them both well. You guys are a guest and well, you're by yourselves total.

8:14 Adam Trig.

8:15 Caller I'm 15 for 23.

8:16 Adam 16 for 23. 16 for 23 in the...

8:23 Caller No, that's a 696.

8:25 Adam In the Germany or Florida.

8:26 Drew Pretty good.

8:27 Caller And that's just, that's with I guess, and Drew is, believe it or not, bang, a 708. Wow.

8:33 Drew Was that 19?

8:34 Caller 24.

8:35 Adam 19 for 24. Oh, 17. I wrote 17. Fantastic. How do you know, how have you kept these stats, Trig?

8:44 Caller I have a big old whiteboard and like a Marks a lot in my room. That just while I've been here, whenever I hear I just write it down. All right.

8:52 Adam So those are of the shows you've heard at Germia Florida.

8:56 Caller Over the last four months or somewhere around there. And then during the guest, you are batting a 8 for 13, which is a 6.15.

9:03 Drew What do you mean during the guest?

9:05 Adam Well, guests are in studio?

9:06 Caller Yeah. Well, there's a guest there. Because you guys were wondering about if it's different, well, you're having a guest there if they screw up at Germia Florida. And Drew is banging 8 for 14.

9:18 Drew You know, I think the last, like, month or maybe six weeks we've really been killing it. Yeah.

9:23 Adam Well, we haven't missed one about the last five or six outings.

9:28 Caller Well, I've been gone for about two months in between, so this is just where I could catch them. So I don't know how accurate they are. Are you a virgin?

9:35 Adam Yeah. Shocking.

9:41 Drew Male libido needs to be expressed somehow.

9:43 Adam Yeah.

9:44 Drew It gets tied to all sorts of things.

9:46 Adam Oh, yeah. Let me, by the way, hold on, Trig, let me tell you what the 17-year-old who's getting laid sounds like. You bring up Germany or Florida.

9:58 Drew As me? Hey, Adam, you ever heard of our little game, Germany or Florida? It's a game, a little game we have here where you tell us.

10:07 Adam Listen, I got a book. They're not so interested in Germany or Florida. They don't have dry erase boards with stats. I picture him wearing one of those green visors and some stick that moves Drew's name. Drew, your name's written on the side of like a poly, one of those foam core horses and they push it a little bit ahead of my horse.

10:29 Caller Perfect. I don't have a green visor either. I got fedora though.

10:33 Adam All right, buddy. You got to find a lady now.

10:36 Caller Yeah, I know.

10:38 Adam Yeah. Who's that?

10:39 Caller Idiot friends in the background.

10:41 Adam Oh, okay. Well, let's find you a lady. You're going to college, right?

10:44 Caller Oh, yeah. Where are you going? I'm going to go to OSU. OC?

10:49 Adam Oregon State.

10:50 Caller All right.

10:51 Adam Go Beavers. Go Ducks. Which one is it? Oregon State. Beavers. All right. University of Oregon? All right. All right there, Trig. All right. Try to sound less like a virgin and more like a guy who's dipped his wick before. All right, buddy?

11:12 Caller Yeah. I'll try.

11:14 Adam Thank you. All right.

11:16 Drew All right, Trig.

11:18 Adam Goofy guys. Trig will do fine, by the way. Trig will be running his own consultant company when he's 28 and making money hand over fish. Nailing every employee he has. But somehow there's something that's sort of, it's almost a way, maybe it's the way nature keeps guys focused. Like my, well I know, my friends who got laid, they just spun off the deep end.

11:43 Drew They're like, screw it. How much better does it get?

11:46 Adam It doesn't. It's like, hey, I'm nailing the two chicks who live above me in my crappy apartment. What am I going to do? Go study? For what? As soon as I'm done studying, I just want to come back and screw some more. It just becomes like, here's what I need. I need clean clothes and a car to take me to the places where I'm going to get laid.

12:10 Drew Speaking of tricks and nailing his employees, did you hear about Dr. William Kennedy Smith again getting in trouble?

12:16 Adam Well, yeah, you mean the guy, the Kennedy, got a little rape, a little beach rape on the compound or something?

12:21 Drew And then now he's got one of his employees going back and saying, hey, you shouldn't have done that to me.

12:27 Adam Yeah.

12:28 Drew Ladies and gentlemen, do not date, this is about my thing about not workplace dating. If you're in a position of authority, don't date people beneath you. It just screws things up. It blurs the boundaries. People confuse what's going on. They feel exploited sometimes.

12:43 Adam Well, what are you going to do if you're working many hours or so when you work with and you're attracted to them? Get yourself another woman. You're married to your job.

12:54 Drew Yeah, but then find somebody at your own level or somebody above you.

12:58 Adam They're all old and ugly. People above you are balding, poorly choosed.

13:02 Drew And certainly, whatever you do, it's just as grumpy for disaster.

13:07 Adam Yeah.

13:07 Drew And of course, alcohol is always involved.

13:10 Adam And here's the thing. Anybody can cry rape about anything at any time and then you got a Kobe Bryant type trial and you just sucked in and it just ruins your life. I don't, you know, it's starting to look less and less like he did it. And more and more like she's one of the people we talk to every night on this show.

13:27 Drew Who didn't know that she was bringing herself into that kind of thing.

13:30 Adam Right.

13:31 Drew Inadvertently put herself there.

13:32 Adam Meanwhile, he's just, here's my thing. I rape locally. I don't, I don't, I don't do my raping in Eagle, Colorado. You know, this whole like, you know, 28 plane rides back and forth. Like, you know, this would drive me insane like, and we're going to need you to show up for the arraignment. Well, why? They need you there? Oh, listen, just tell them, give me the paperwork. I'll sign it. No, we're going to need you there. Well, do I say anything? Will you say not guilty? Well, tell my lawyer to tell them not guilty. No, we're going to need you to get on a plane and head out to Colorado. It's like, okay, and then three days later, we're going to need you back. We're going to set bail. It's like, I, do I need to, I need to be standing there each and every time? I, I would go insane and if I didn't rape her, I, I would be, I would be, I would be sort of ballistic out of my brain all the time. And eventually I would say, no, I'm not, no, I'm not going to Colorado, I'm not going back there. I'll sign a paperwork. I'll do a video deposition, just go, I will, I will sign over and entrust the, to go over there as my attorney and he can speak for me, but I'm not getting on another plane. I feel like Kobe's like, the trial hasn't even started, he's been back and forth 15 times.

14:46 Drew At least.

14:47 Caller What, what is that? By the way, this is a, this is how it works?

14:54 Drew The Kennedy thing is saying, oh, I'm not interested in the money, I'm just interested in seeing to it that he never does this again. I got to get treated then. You get all his friends together, you get him some treatment. That's really it.

15:04 Adam You got to teach him a lesson by taking his money.

15:05 Drew If he really has a problem, which who knows, but if he does, the money's not going to be a damn thing for that.

15:12 Adam I just, and I think about Kobe, like during the playoffs and having to go back and make the plane back to Detroit and stuff. Meanwhile, nothing's even begun yet. Shouldn't there be something like, you know when you get a speeding ticket and you're out of state and you're through Arizona or something, you just send them whatever, you don't have to.

15:31 Drew Oh no.

15:31 Adam Not if you got one in New Jersey or something.

15:33 Drew I got one in Inyo, Kern, so that's six hours from here on the way to Mammoth, mandatory parents would not continue to change the appearance. I had to drive up there at four in the morning. Really just to say, just so they, and they basically just tell you, they tell you you're bail at that point. Oh really? They don't give you any chance to appeal.

15:54 Adam Again, again the wave, the wave would cover it. We talked about at the top of the show, this is an old thing, like I couldn't imagine flying back and forth to Colorado 15 times before the trial even began.

16:06 Drew Listen, our legal system is out of control, out of control.

16:11 Adam It really is. Somebody decides, if somebody points at you and makes an accusation, then there's all these-

16:17 Drew Your life's over. Your life's over.

16:18 Adam No, listen, listen, we're not supposed to talk about it in the air probably, but crank anchors getting sued by some guy who says we stole his idea. I have no idea who the guy is, I've never seen him before, I've never heard his idea. There's absolutely no validity at all. He's going forward with the case. They're like, well, you're going to need to testify. I did a three hours worth of deposition. I don't know what to say. I don't know anything. Why don't you ask me what went on with the Chicago 7? Was it 7? Yeah. I don't know. I wasn't there. Ask me any question you want about any of these things. I don't know. I wasn't there. I know it came to us with the idea. It was Jimmy's idea. We talked about it. We worked out. We made a TV show. I was like, I take days off and go in a court and sit there and I answer the same crappy questions. How about the point where we just go, look, where are our rights? Look, you're crazy.

17:22 Drew That's the point.

17:23 Adam This is what we need to do. Yes. This is where we have to get control of the legal system. Which is these crazy people can't be listened to.

17:30 Drew Well, this idea of protecting people's rights at the expense of other people's rights. What? Yeah.

17:35 Adam You got one effed up idiot who's ruining a bunch of other people's lives because of some crazy allegation.

17:41 Drew Talk about lack of liberties. I mean, it's just stealing them.

17:46 Adam I know. Listen, I refuse to do most things. I just don't do it. When do we take a stand? How do we take a stand?

18:04 Drew How do we take a stand?

18:06 Adam We stop showing up for things. We just start telling people to shut up. I don't know what to do. You get a bench worn out against you because some nut job, Sid, you stole some idea that you never heard of. You never saw the guy before. You already wasted three hours with a god damn deposition telling him you know nothing. Now, you can take the day off and head into court. I'm not going. So arrest me. Do you know what I mean? Okay, great. I'll be doing time for doing nothing. Sean?

18:37 Yes.

18:37 Adam You're 25?

18:39 Caller Yes.

18:39 Adam What's up, buddy?

18:42 Caller Me and my wife have been experimenting with anal sex.

18:50 Drew The crossover study that was done, the experimentation.

18:57 Adam I was in a placebo group.

18:59 Drew Yes, but the placebo, sometimes, as you know, the placebo response is very much like the real thing.

19:06 Adam Headache, nausea, vomiting.

19:10 Drew You might as well have done the real thing.

19:12 Adam So tell us how the data came out.

19:18 Caller But I just want to make sure that I'm not going to cause any irreparable damage.

19:26 Drew You know what, Adam? I've got something here. When Dax was here, he wouldn't look at the pictures of vaginal prolapse, but I'm going to show them to you now. This is what can go wrong with the anal.

19:35 Adam I did see the vaginal prolapse pictures, by the way. Here's the thing, Sean. Please, put those pictures.

19:43 Drew That's one put back together.

19:43 Adam Okay, Sean, we have heard on this show on many occasions that people do have some tearing, some bleeding, some problems, some difficulty from the trauma they receive at the hands of the penis. Do the penis have hands?

20:01 Drew No. The head of the penis.

20:02 Adam The head of the penis, yes. So Sean.

20:05 Drew The hands of the head of the penis.

20:06 Adam The hands of the head of the penis can cause trouble. It doesn't mean you can't do it on occasion, Passover, Yom Kippur. You're calling from Dayton, Ohio, I'm guessing you're doing anal sex, I'm guessing you're Jew?

20:22 Caller Do what?

20:23 Adam No?

20:24 Caller I couldn't understand you, would you say?

20:26 Adam Are you Jewish, Sean?

20:28 Caller No.

20:29 Adam No? I'll tell you, once in a while I'm wrong, Drew, and I'm a big enough man to admit it. I see Dayton, Ohio, I hear about the anal sex, I hear the Southern Drive, I figure Joe. You know any Jews, Sean?

20:45 Caller I know a couple of them.

20:48 Adam The North American or the striped-backed one?

20:53 Caller I don't know exactly.

20:54 Adam Free range. A free range Jew. They're Jewish. Alright, you can tell. Now listen, Sean, here's the whole thing. You can have some anal sex with your wife, but not too much. Alright, just be careful.

21:07 Drew I've seen lots and lots of problems from that. Facilitas and tears and all kinds of good things.

21:14 Adam I think it's sort of safe to say that if you're not feeling any trauma, you're not doing any trauma.

21:22 Drew That's a reasonable thing to say. How could you not feel trauma?

21:26 Adam Well we always, you know, Drew, we sort of approach it from a fet standpoint, which is that you and I are not into the anus.

21:33 Drew I guess if we were, we might feel differently about it, but...

21:37 Adam Well the thing about Drew is explosive diarrhea is the only thing that is coming out of his Tokai.

21:45 Drew I mean like crazy.

21:47 Adam The thing about it is I'm not that into the butt-love myself.

21:51 Caller It just doesn't make sense either.

21:55 Adam Once in a while you come across it in the porn, too, and it's always sort of like, oh, yeah, alright. Now, to me, and Drew and I are sort of like-minded on this thing, we just think it's sort of an aggressive act, mixed in with a little prove you love me.

22:07 Drew And there's some women that actually like it, and I understand that. That's fine.

22:10 Adam Mixed in with a little I want to check this off the list, and there's also that sort of thing where I want to make sure I'm doing as much as I possibly can to whoever I'm with.

22:19 Drew I think it's some sort of desire to sort of hurt a woman with a penis.

22:23 Adam Yeah, there's... Yeah, because when you're in the vagina, you get stuff like, are you in? Oh, that is a cold, cold slap in the face. It's very powerful, very painful. And the anal stuff, yeah, it's great when a chick to a lot of guys goes like, oh no, slow down, oh easy, easy, you know, that turns them on. All right, that and I think a lot of guys get a chick once...

22:49 Drew Say it again.

23:01 Adam A lot of guys, once they get married and they get a long term girlfriend, they just sort of treat them like rental cars. Like you have a car and you just have it, you know, you might as well just go ahead and go ahead and smoke a cigarette, eat some McDonald's, throw the wrapper in the backseat, throw it into reverse when you're still rolling forward.

23:16 Drew I understand guys that women do not respond well to that at any age, at any stage of a marriage.

23:23 Adam Well, what I mean is...

23:24 Drew I know what you mean. I was just saying, men have to watch out for that because they naturally go that direction.

23:28 Adam I don't mean abusive, but it's sort of like...

23:29 Drew No, no, no. That's what the direction men go.

23:32 Adam It's the deal. It's unspoken, but it's like, look, I want to go out if some of your friends and some of the neighbors and some chicks I dated in high school. I'm not going to do that. But, in return, yeah, we're going to need some fudge back in here, sweetie, because that's the deal. It's an unspoken, but I'm going to need to use you up. You know what I'm saying?

23:57 Drew I'm just saying, even though that's the instinct, guys got to contain that a little bit, because that does not go down well.

24:03 Adam All right. Let's take ourselves a quick break, Drew. When we come back, who are we going to speak to? It's the Loveline, a man of Nets, Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Drew said New York Minute came out on DVD today.

24:30 Drew Yeah, my cinematic triumph with the Olsen twins. You got to be sure to watch the alternative endings, because I'm in both of them. Basically, it's been a week filming the alternative endings that are now alternative endings. They didn't end up being the endings of the movie.

24:44 Adam Now did you like one of them better than the actual movie ending?

24:46 Drew Yeah, I did, actually.

24:47 Adam You did?

24:48 Drew Yeah.

24:49 Adam And why didn't they go with that one, you think?

24:50 Drew I don't know. It wasn't as upbeat and youthful.

24:54 Adam All right, well, the DVD's out.

24:57 Drew DVD's out.

24:58 Adam Parents are going to go get that for the kids to watch. It was actually fun to do.

25:07 Drew It really was a lot. It really was a very sort of happy set when they were filming it.

25:11 Adam I think that movie did better than you think. I think a lot of kids went in there buying the Van Helsing ticket and then going to see New York Minute. And that's how it worked that way with Box Office.

25:23 Drew And the Mean Girl tickets. They actually bought Mean Girl, Meant New York Minute.

25:26 Adam No, they, yeah, that's always, we're laughing because whenever a movie does crappy in our town somebody's explanation is they bought tickets to the other movie and then they would sneak into ours so it never registered in the box office totals that they bought it for our movie.

25:42 Drew The other thing about that New York Minute, it had, the expectations were so huge. I was looking at some, some box office stuff today and basically it did the same as Without a Paddle.

25:53 Adam Oh, it did?

25:54 Drew Yeah, about the same.

25:55 Adam Well, Without a Paddle is still out, though.

25:56 Drew No, I mean by this point, it really is about the same. It just had this giant expectation built around it.

26:02 Adam I think they're kind of disappointed in Without a Paddle, too.

26:05 Drew Are they?

26:07 Adam If it did the same as New York Minute, I'm going with yes.

26:09 Drew No, it was number two this weekend.

26:11 Adam Yeah.

26:12 Drew It was number two, but it just is not a big box office weekend, it's still. Here we go.

26:19 Adam Oops, I hit the wrong one.

26:21 Yeah.

26:21 Adam Megan?

26:21 Drew Yes.

26:23 22.

26:28 Okay, here's the situation.

26:30 I met a guy at a bar and it was looking to be like it was going to be a one night stand and we had like the best sex ever and then it turned out...

26:38 Drew What was so great about it?

26:41 I mean...

26:42 What?

26:42 Drew What does that mean for you?

26:43 I mean, I... What?

26:45 Drew I'm curious.

26:46 Adam I know, but just stop talking to the people that call this show. All right.

26:56 Drew And why was it good?

26:56 Because it was good.

27:00 Drew It's actually what happened.

27:05 Adam All right. Do you want that? Is that what you want?

27:07 Caller Stop talking to the people that call this show.

27:08 Drew First of all, Adam, you have got to let go of the idea that people are going to answer the question first go around.

27:13 Adam I know.

27:13 Drew I let them get that one out of the system. Now I can go in and say, no, no, no, I know it's good.

27:16 Adam I've never heard anyone answer one of your questions in anything close to a satisfactory degree. Go ahead, Megan.

27:25 Okay. So that happened and then it turned out to be more of like a two to three week sling type thing. We hung out a couple of times and the second and third time we had sex, let's just say he couldn't perform up to his ability.

27:37 Adam Really?

27:37 Drew Now you have to specify. What does that mean?

27:39 He couldn't get it out.

27:41 Drew At all? He could not get an erection?

27:43 No, like the second time he did a little bit, it worked for a little bit and then it just died down.

27:46 Drew Is he on medication or was he doing drugs?

27:51 No.

27:53 Drew And you have to be a little clear about what made it good the first time around.

27:57 Well, like, okay, normally I can't have an orgasm just on sex alone. And I did.

28:04 Drew Interesting.

28:05 I mean, there was foreplay involved, yeah, but...

28:07 Adam Sure. I wonder if that bound you to him, by the way. Are you in love with the guy? You're into him, though, right?

28:19 Yeah, I'm into him, definitely.

28:20 Drew I have the actual, the opposite question, which is does that put him now in a separate category that she can't stay with? You know what I mean?

28:28 Adam I don't think so.

28:29 Drew Because she can only experience that part of herself with a bad guy.

28:31 Adam Megan? Well, you're seeing the guy now, right?

28:37 It was like a three-week thing, and I haven't feeds him for a couple weeks, and I think it's because he was embarrassed about what happened and I ran into him at the bar this past week. And he was almost embarrassed to talk to me.

28:54 Adam He's done.

28:54 Drew Yeah. You're misinterpreting things, Megan. If he were still ndo you, he'd be diving back in to try to repair what had gone wrong.

29:10 Adam You're more in... Well, first off, he'd be going down on you for an hour and a half while he's hand slid under the comfort or was trying to give himself a little help.

29:19 Drew And maybe the reason that he lost his energy is because he wasn't so into it anymore.

29:24 Adam I always liked it. If you're watching him gang bang films, there's always the guys, they're sort of on deck and in the hole, they're sort of waiting around and they're just sort of casually stroking themselves. Like there's two types of stroking yourself. There's expecting results and then there's sort of, we've talked about it before, it's the equivalent to the runner who's running in place at the red intersection. It's like, I know I'm not going anywhere, I'm just staying loose. I'm not gonna break any records here. I'm not going anywhere, I'm just, I'm keeping the joints loose.

29:57 Drew Yeah, I'm gonna be moving soon, so I wanna stay loose.

29:59 Adam I'm gonna be ready. Yeah, keep the sweat going. Yeah, that's the porn star. It's a sort of a half beat off, half chub up, you know. I'm gonna get in the game, I wanna stay loose. It's a sort of equivalent, you see the guys on the on deck circle.

30:15 Drew It's on deck, yeah, it's sort of the bat.

30:16 Adam Yeah, but they're not really swinging it like they're swinging. They got the donut on there, they're doing some light, you know, they're swinging all the way through. It's a different form.

30:24 Drew Absolutely.

30:24 Adam It just doesn't have the sort of imperative of I'm at the plate.

30:28 Drew Right, it doesn't have the intent.

30:31 Adam Right.

30:31 Drew It's not swinging at a pitch.

30:32 Adam Yeah, I like the equivalent of that, the equivalent to that in masturbation in the game.

30:38 Drew I'm never sure masturbation would apply.

30:39 Adam It's not, no, I, yeah.

30:41 Drew It's a readying. It's not a trajectory, it's a readying.

30:47 Adam There's no final destination. So is it masturbation if there's no destination? Yes, it actually is.

30:55 Drew Self-stimulation. Well, it's called self-stimulation, but it seems to be a unique category of self-stimulation, so Megan.

31:00 Adam All right, yeah, Megan, yeah.

31:02 Drew Megan.

31:03 Caller All right, Megan.

31:04 Drew We think the guy is ashamed and embarrassed because he's blowing you off.

31:08 That's what it is.

31:09 Drew And that it's not that he didn't perform or cause guys, they're eager to go back and make it good.

31:14 Adam And you're more into him than you're willing to admit.

31:16 Drew Well.

31:18 I don't know.

31:23 Adam You're doing one of these things where you're acting, you think you're acting like a guy.

31:28 Drew I think you're kind of overwhelming him a little bit too. Kind of like, you know.

31:31 Adam Yeah, why are you so bothered by it if you're not into him?

31:35 No, I'm not saying I am. I mean, it just kind of faded and came back and I'm just kind of trying to get to the root of the problem, I guess.

31:42 Drew It's you.

31:42 Adam He's not into you. And that's where you guys come in.

31:45 All right, sorry, I'll find a good guy.

31:49 Drew Wait, wait, wait, she's here with that, do you understand that comment?

31:51 Adam No, I don't.

31:52 Drew That's where you guys ring in, but I'll see mine for myself.

31:56 Adam No, I don't think that's the way she answered.

31:59 I'll take your advice to heart, I promise I won't call him.

32:01 Adam All right, good, that's enough.

32:03 Drew Cause he'll call you, believe.

32:05 Yeah. Can I at least make fun of him at the bar next time I see him for it?

32:09 Adam No.

32:09 Drew No, no, see, that's, uh-uh.

32:11 No, I wouldn't do it.

32:12 Adam All right, good, don't do it.

32:14 Drew He would call you if he were ready to go. He would, believe me, he'd be waiting at your door, asking to check out for the baseball mini left behind.

32:21 Adam Megan's doing one of these things where she's pretending she has a set of nuts between her legs, which is, uh, I can take it or leave it. I like to have a romp and then move on. She's a rambling girl. You know the reason there's no rambling women, only rambling men?

32:36 Drew No nuts.

32:36 Adam Chicks don't want to ramble. You need to ramble as a guy. As a girl, you can pretend to be a rambling.

32:43 Drew There are guys that have trouble rambling, too, I think.

32:45 Adam They're what?

32:46 Drew There are guys that have trouble rambling.

32:48 Adam Well, they're not rambling men.

32:49 Drew Yeah, but I mean, she's a proximity, she approximates how some guys are. Just about, that's where a male and female kind of touch, right about there.

33:01 Adam We've worked this out before, Drew. There are no Asian ramblers, there's no black ramblers.

33:05 Drew No black ramblers?

33:06 No. They move on.

33:08 Adam They keep on rolling stone.

33:11 Drew They don't ramble.

33:17 Adam Black guys don't hang out long enough to ramble. They move on, yeah. You know, you gotta hang out for a little while to ramble.

33:23 Drew Yeah, ramble requires a road.

33:24 Adam Yeah, you gotta have a road and-

33:26 Drew Black guys, it could be just next door or whatever.

33:28 Adam Yeah, they just keep moving.

33:29 Drew Right.

33:29 Adam Yeah, and here's the other thing too. You gotta hang out for a while in order to ramble because you have to explain to your woman that you love her. The problem is rambling man. You see what I'm saying?

33:40 Drew Yeah, I'm getting confused again too about African-American and black. My friends who are not African-American are really angry about that whole terminology.

33:49 Adam Why?

33:50 Drew Because they're not African.

33:51 Adam Oh, you mean the ones, yeah, I know. I know, I remember one time Jimmy was interviewing somebody years ago and they were like Dominican or something and Haitian or something and he's like, you are the first African-American female to be nominated for a Tony Award. And she's like, I'm not an African. That's the other part. Now it ends up just being more, it's just this kind of setting. It's just apologetic white people being stupid, but I just mean, now everyone who's black is African-American and I don't like the idea, I don't like the other nationality coming before American when you've been here for six generations. You know what I'm saying?

34:32 Drew Well, people say Italian American, Irish American.

34:34 Adam Yeah, but they don't. They just go, there's a white guy. They don't put a nationality in.

34:43 Drew But if they were to, they would say American, Irish.

34:45 Adam You would say black guy, white guy, Asian guy.

34:48 Drew Much more, yes.

34:49 Adam Right, but it becomes African American. All right, anyway. Hey, good times, everybody.

34:54 Drew Randy.

34:55 Adam Randy? Yeah, what's going on?

34:59 I'm actually an eBay employee out in Salt Lake City and we found Adam Carolla action figure on our site. Right.

35:09 Drew Remember that? We had that once on the TV show. Oh my God, I think Scott King made those up, didn't he?

35:15 Adam Yeah, one of the guys from the Loveline the TV show whipped it up. Hey, can you see it? What's it say?

35:23 You're in a policeman's uniform, kind of like a village people thing and you're holding a sign that says, I love juggies.

35:31 Drew Oh, so this would be-

35:35 Adam So somebody must have whipped this thing up.

35:38 But they did spell your last name incorrectly, unfortunately.

35:42 Adam C-O-R?

35:43 Yeah. No, C-A-R-R-O-L-L-A.

35:48 Adam Oh.

35:48 Drew That's a quaint misspelling.

35:50 Adam Yeah.

35:50 Drew Acceptable misspelling in Adam's world.

35:52 Adam Yeah, all right. And so what's the bidding up to? Several thousand dollars?

35:57 There isn't actually any bidding. They're selling it for 19 bucks.

36:03 Caller It is open for bids.

36:05 Drew I bet there'll be up to at least 1985, $19.85.

36:08 I bet whoever gets it's really gonna have to fight for it.

36:12 Adam Yeah, oh yeah, I mean there's only one. It's not like we made a boatload of these things.

36:16 Drew Maybe up to 19 and a quarter?

36:18 Adam Well, let me say this. Is $19 the reserve on the thing or does it say you can take it for $19?

36:26 Yeah, we have an option called Buy It Now and you can just buy it for 19 bucks. It looks like it's still there.

36:36 Adam We've been talking about it for 21 seconds. I think it would go.

36:40 Drew There are people online while we're talking.

36:43 Well, you know, it doesn't do you justice, Adam. You're much more handsome than the dog.

36:46 Adam Yeah, yeah. Let me thank you, by the way, for calling me. Wait, wait, wait.

36:51 Drew Randy? Stay on hold. Let's see how long it takes to get this sold. I'm just curious.

36:56 Adam All right. Look, I have less faith in the system than you do, Drew. Then you may be proven correct.

37:01 Drew I'm just curious about it.

37:04 Adam I don't think there's millions of people sitting in their computers. I just think there's a handful of stoners driving their car.

37:11 Drew It's gone. Dr. Randy?

37:12 Adam It's gone. Randy?

37:14 Drew Yeah, it's gone.

37:16 Adam I told you, Drew. How many times have I tried to tell you about the power of radio? You won't listen. You act like these cords just go underneath the building and just are chopped off and they're just squirrels chewing on it.

37:28 Drew That's what you act like.

37:28 Adam I'm telling you, we have dedicated listeners. I'm telling you, when we speak, it reverberates across the nation. Do you understand?

37:35 Drew Remember, I was in the web business for a while. There's a lot of people who sit on web.

37:39 Caller Now that I think about it, I probably should have bought it for myself.

37:42 Adam Absolutely.

37:42 Drew There's a lot of people thinking like you now, Randy.

37:45 Adam Thanks for calling, Randy.

37:47 Caller You're welcome.

37:47 Adam Appreciate it. You know, it always cracks me up when people sell stuff for under $20. Well, it's kind of fun in a sort of retarded way. It's entertainment for us, but I think they're serious about it. My mom will comb through the penny saver and buy used rake for like $7 and go over there and try to talk the guy down. You know what I mean?

38:18 It feels uncomfortable.

38:20 Adam It's like if my mom wants something, she'll have to wait until she finds it at a garage sale or at a thrift store. Isn't this weird when you start using other people's glasses? You know, my sister drank out of a urine, you know, like this graduated urine container for years. She didn't even know what it was.

38:41 Drew Was she just suckled on that? What are you talking about?

38:43 Adam No, my mom would go to the garage sales.

38:47 Drew Your family had a weird thing with the popcorn can tin and the urine cups.

38:53 Adam That was just me cramping in a decorative popcorn can.

38:54 Drew Strangely, your sister turns up drinking out of a urine cup. It's very weird.

39:00 Adam Well, they're more animal than people. The point is my mom bought a bunch of glasses from a thrift store. One of them is thick walled, funky shaped.

39:11 Drew I know exactly what you're talking about.

39:12 Adam You do? Can you draw it? Draw it for me, Drew. It's an interesting shaped glass. The thing looked like it was 70 years old. My sister was drinking out of it for about five years. Then someone one day came over to the house and told my sister that ndat dote is what satisfyingly devoted would collect urine samples in.

39:30 Drew With a spot of spout?

39:31 Adam This was the turn of ndthe century one. The one had a spot of spout on it and it's graduated.

39:37 Caller Yeah, that's the other version.

39:40 Adam Erlenmeyer? I'm going to keep in there. They pack fecal matter into it.

39:47 Drew Well, you never know.

39:49 Adam Yeah. All right. We'll... Imagine this. Imagine you're a Corolla and you need a toaster oven.

39:56 Drew No thanks.

39:57 Adam But you gotta wait four weeks until one pops up at a neighbor's garage sale.

40:02 Drew eBay must have been a godsend for your mom, except she doesn't have a computer.

40:05 Adam Well, but if one opens up at a garage sale, get yourself a nice Tandy from Radio Shack One. It was built from a Heath kit, 1971. All right, we'll take a quick break. The reel to reel's broken on this son. We'll be right back after this. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-E-E-1-9-1. Yeah.

40:43 Drew Did you like it?

40:47 Adam First one is too techy. This is just weird. I like this.

40:51 Drew It's original. Eric. Yep.

41:09 Adam What happened?

41:12 Caller Well, the other night, me and my girlfriend were having sex, and I didn't have a condom, so I had to pull out. And she read this thing somewhere, I don't know, a magazine or whatever.

41:22 Drew Oh, fantastic.

41:24 Caller But something about a good orgasm for a man, you constrict the penis when they're about to come. Oh my God. And so I was about to finish, you know, and I pulled out, and she got the old GIO. Kung Fu Grip out, and it didn't really feel great, it kind of hurt. And so, you know, I just lived with it to make her happy. But the next day, when I got up to pee, it just really burned. And since then, that was two nights ago, I mean, I don't know, I can hardly stand it.

42:03 Adam Could you blow an eardrum out, Drew, if you were orgasming and somebody pinched off its path?

42:08 Drew You mean like kind of like one of those squeeze it dolls where you have to...

42:11 Adam Yeah, balls. Yeah, just balls, your eyes, balls.

42:13 Drew No, no, I'm not sure. But you scream pretty loud. You can rupture your penis and rupture the bodies that sit within the penis that sort of swell up with blood. They can fracture and rupture.

42:23 Adam You mean just from the hand pressure?

42:26 Drew So what should he do? But I suppose some intense irritation could get all the way into the urethral tract. If you have any discoloration or any difficulty having erections or a curve in the penis, that's something that needs to be seen by a urologist. By the way, I don't buy him as a true call.

42:44 Adam No, I don't either.

42:45 Drew I don't either.

42:46 Adam I don't read in a magazine. By the way, that is one of the hallmarks of the bogus call. She tried this out. She went and tried it on me. Chicks don't really...

42:56 Drew Guys just don't even notice it, though.

42:58 Adam No, no. Chicks' minds get poisoned by this. No, chicks read about purses in magazines and want to try it. They read about sexual stuff and they think they want to try it, but they don't actually try it.

43:08 Drew They occasionally, but the guys don't even know that's what's happening.

43:11 Adam I know you hate Cosmo and Vogue and all these brainwashing rags. It's true. They are, but I really don't think women try it. I think they just read it.

43:19 Drew What's the finger up the rear stuff?

43:22 Adam I think they'd like to be the kind of person that would read it and do it, but they just read it.

43:29 Drew It could be true.

43:30 Yes.

43:30 Adam You're 17?

43:31 Yes, I am. I was just wondering, my husband is in jail right now. I got married when I was 16 and I've sort of been sleeping around on him and I don't know if that's... Because I'm not sort of a person that has a lot of morals, like as far as that, if that's wrong, like if that's something that he should be able to use against me when he gets out.

43:57 Drew It's going to...

43:58 Adam What's he going to know?

43:59 Because I have a really... It eats away at my conscience. I have to, you know, I have to tell him.

44:06 Adam Oh, I see, you're a really good person. Yeah, you know, and by the way, here's how you know, and I'm sure God knows what Lauren saw growing up, but the people that need to tell people the truth, think about it. They're on one hand, they're the kind of person that likes to bang around with a lot of their husband's friends. Yeah, that's the one person there. The other one is, is the one that gets the conscience eaten away at and just needs to really.

44:30 Drew Yeah, that's chaos.

44:31 Adam Let me tell you, the conscience eating away person. That's a good person. Let me tell the person that bangs away. That's chaotic and screwed up person. No, it's not your conscience that's eating away. You need chaos in your life. That's why you have to say it, because you look at it. It's like stealing something and then returning it, because you're... It's not the same guy. The guy who returns it, it's not the guy who steals it.

44:52 Drew Right.

44:53 Adam I just love when people think we're going to buy this crap. What's he in jail for?

44:57 For aggravated assault and battery to a child.

45:01 Drew To a child?

45:02 Adam Yeah.

45:03 Drew Whose child? How old was the child?

45:08 Four months.

45:09 Adam That's old enough to... 22.

45:12 Drew 22.

45:13 22.

45:17 Adam How long is he in the joint for?

45:20 It's really hard for me to talk about... Probably six years.

45:27 Adam Six years?

45:27 They haven't convicted him yet.

45:30 Adam All right. Well...

45:32 I know everybody ousen been telling me that I need to move on. I'm young and being naive about the whole thing, but I'm the kind person that has unconditional love and...

45:51 Adam Break. We'll be right back with Lauren. Do not hang up on Lauren, phone screeners. We'll be back with her after this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Get it on. Traffic on the 405. Look out for Brake Life's mattress in lane. Watch out for Brake Life's. Slow and go.

46:43 Caller News and weather coming up at the top of that. Treble in the Middle East, everybody.

46:47 Adam Some trouble has broken out in the garden spot of the Middle East. The Middle East, normally, just a bunch of peaceful types all looking to get along. They were working on the AIDS quilt last I heard over there. Now there's trouble in the Middle East. Could you imagine? Trouble in the Middle East. Look out. We got, let me give, by the way, let me just do, I'll do the news in advance. You ready? Ready, go.

47:08 Caller Trouble in the Middle East. Trouble in the Middle East.

47:10 Adam Trouble in the Middle East. Now, let's go ahead ten years. Trouble in the Middle East. Trouble in the Middle East. Trouble in the Middle East. I'll give the traffic ten years, ten years in advance, right?

47:20 Caller Slow and go on the 405.

47:21 Adam Look out for brake lights.

47:23 Caller Alright.

47:23 Adam Now I'm going to give the weather. Seventy-four degrees in Los Angeles. Seventy-four.

47:29 Caller Currently, currently, currently ten years from now, seventy-four degrees.

47:33 Adam Do we really need the currently? It's currently, oh really? I thought you'd built a time machine and were giving us weather from the prehistoric days.

47:45 Drew They're putting great emphasis on the fact that they're going to predict the weather.

47:49 Caller Oh yeah.

47:50 Drew It's currently seventy-four.

47:52 Adam Look for it to climb to seventy-four and a half. The LA Civic Center, it's seventy-four degrees. LAX, seventy-four degrees. Look out for debris and lanes and trouble in the Middle East. Alright, that's it. We're covered. We're done. Something about Schwarzenegger and then we can move forward. That's it. Now unless something changes, let's just move forward. Here's what I'd like. I would like the weather, the traffic, I would like the news. You pipe up when something happens. If nothing happens, you shut your pie holes. That's all I'm looking for. It's amazing. You know what? How does that happen? And here's the thing too. Great people over there.

48:36 Caller They're wonderful.

48:38 Adam It's not the people. It is not. Now I'm serious, Drew. Do not blame the people of the Middle East. It's the people fighting. It's the people killing each other. It's the people feuding.

48:49 Drew Those aren't the main people, though.

48:51 Adam No, no, no. They don't represent the people. It's only 60% of the people that are actually bad people. No, no. It's a fringe group. The problem is the fringe is so preposterously high compared to normal places that it screws up the whole place. Yeah, see, our fringe is 0.00000000000 0.0001 and theirs is 10%. That's fringe. I mean, that's all you need, by the way. Could you imagine if 10% of our population was violent criminals? You'd be in shit. Or about 5%. No, you'd be shot at anywhere you carve. It's gotta be, you know. Imagine if 10% of people trying to get on an airplane were terrorists.

49:42 Drew So, back to Lauren.

49:43 Adam Anyway, the point is, trouble in the Middle East, wonderful people gonna have this worked out probably by the weekend. I gotta check the news.

49:51 Drew Lauren's husband is in jail for aggravated assault on a 4-month-old. Did the child survive this?

50:02 He shook her and fractured some bones and she had broken blood vessels in her head.

50:08 Drew Now, do you don't think that your unconditional love for your child takes priority over your unconditional love for this a-hole? He's likely to kill the child.

50:22 She is for now and No, no, no, no, no.

50:25 Adam She is for now, Drew.

50:26 Drew No, no, no.

50:26 Adam For now.

50:28 Drew And Lauren, unconditional love is not being overtaken by other people. It's about being separate from them and being appreciative of them but also to know when their behavior goes so far they don't deserve some, he is not your son, he is not your father and even those people if they really become dangerous or awful, maybe even they, unconditional. Has some qualifiers.

50:57 Adam Trouble in the Middle East, Lauren.

50:58 Thank you for that.

51:01 Adam It's long ago in the 405. Where is your dad?

51:04 My dad, he divorced my mother when I was about 6 months old.

51:10 Drew Did you have a parade of jerks after that?

51:13 Not so much, not until, I didn't live with my mother for a while, but when I moved back in with her, she was dating the guy for a while that was sexually abusing me.

51:26 Drew Did you have foster parents that were so nice before that?

51:29 No, I was living with my grandparents before that.

51:32 Drew Your unconditional love is about attaching yourself to people that are abusive. That's your idea of unconditional love. And unfortunately, that is not unconditional love, it's acting out. It's compulsively putting yourself in situations of victimization, and now you've brought your child into that same web. That is a disaster.

51:49 Adam Has anyone spoken to you about birth control, by the way?

51:52 I was actually trying to get pregnant, so I knew what I was doing.

51:56 Adam No, I mean, since after the fact, now that you already have a kid.

52:02 I'm on birth control, I'm on the pill.

52:04 Adam Oh, you are? And you're having sex with who?

52:10 I'm, um, I really enjoy sex. I would have to say that I need it.

52:19 Adam I'm more of a... Well, I know, because you're abused.

52:23 Drew You're sexually abused, that's again, you go for that. You go for, you sexualize a lot of feelings, you put yourself in situations of exploitation. You only feel whole when there's a guy around you you're going to have sex with.

52:34 Adam Alright, listen, Lauren, you sound smart and you sound mature for somebody who's 17 years of age. How about you act smart and you get all therapy and you stop running around and you start focusing on your kid and not loving, I know you love, he is unconditional love for your kid. You need some therapy.

52:55 I'm getting a lot of therapy and I'm going through a lot of classes. I'm in support groups for domestic violence.

53:03 Adam Alright, and look, you should be divorced from this guy. He's in the joint for 6 years. He abused your child. I know he's an idiot. He's 22? Yeah, you're 17. Just focus on not having... Here are the big beats, baby doll. Therapy, no more kids. Focus on being alone for a while. You don't need them. They are your drug right now.

53:30 Drew You've got to break yourself of that.

53:34 Adam What are you doing for money?

53:36 I'm living with my mother.

53:37 Drew It's just the worst 17-year-old should be, by the way.

53:40 Adam Yeah. Well, mom's got her daughter and her granddaughter living there.

53:45 Well, my child's in foster care right now.

53:49 Adam Oh, he is?

53:49 I was sad because I was in a household that I should have known that something was going on, so they took her from me also.

53:56 Adam Yeah, it's very unfair when a child gets proper care.

54:04 Me tell you something, by the way. Well, back to my original question, though. How I feel like I should tell him is because I know if he gets out and somebody approaches him about this, I don't want to be labeled as a liar because he's asked me several times if I have slept with anybody else or he worries about that.

54:24 Adam You're worried about a guy who puts your kid in a paint can shaker. You're worried about his delicate sensibilities. Get away from me. If he thought for a second that you're being anything less than genuine. Shame. Shame.

54:39 Drew How dare you?

54:40 Adam Listen. Would you listen to a screwball? Don't talk to this guy anymore. Okay? And no. You're only telling him you're sleeping with other people because you're screwed up and you need chaos. And you're angry at the guy and rightfully so, and you want to pay him back.

54:53 Drew Right. That's what it is. We're telling you to get away from being nothing. Be nothing with him.

55:00 Adam It's just more dance, more chaos.

55:04 Drew But that's what you need.

55:06 Adam You know, so everyone gets to have a kid. By the way. And unless dad... By the way, here's kind of... Here's what we're living in.

55:13 Drew Yeah, dad has the rights to take the kid back.

55:15 Adam Oh yeah. I can't have a goddamn pot plant in my yard. I'll get my house taken away.

55:19 Drew You can't put a room in your garage.

55:21 Adam I can't put one on top of my garage. Yeah, any screw up can have as many...

55:27 Drew And if somebody wants to point the finger at you for having done something wrong, you could tie up a couple of years of your life.

55:32 Adam Oh, Drew, I swear, I am so convinced, by the way, and this is going to be the end of me, I got to sock a few money and then I go into this crazy Lenny Bruce-type spandex and I just OD on heroin. But I would like to grow a Jack in the Beanstalk size pot plant in my front yard.

55:53 Drew Well, remember that happened to Tim McCrory or Todd McCrory.

55:57 Adam Todd McCrory had 750,000 plants in his basement. I'm talking about just one big Easter Island type pot plant and then just basically say, prove that I'm selling this. No, no, no. It's not that I have a ton of pot. I got a lot of stuff. It doesn't mean I'm dealing it. I'm not a car dealer. But you have more than one. Maybe I like it. You got to see me doing it. This whole thing, too, it's like you bust a guy for having more than just a little shake of weed, intent to distribute. I mean, why? Maybe he just likes a lot of weed. I mean, don't you have to catch someone doing something? The idea that you have a bunch of stuff? All I'm saying is I can't have a pot plant. And I'll get my house taken away? I'm convinced if somebody had enough money, got the right representation, they could beat this thing. I'm convinced of it.

56:54 Drew Yeah, but the question is could they reverse the law? That's the screw up, you ain't beat it for yourself, but so what have you done? Nothing.

57:00 Adam Yeah, but oh well, made a statement. Well, no, because later on...

57:04 Drew What has Todd done? Has he changed things?

57:06 Adam They would state my case as precedent next time. It'd be the people, the state versus Adam Carolla. And the Jack and the Beanstalk pot plant. Hey, here's all I'm saying. Here's what I'm saying. I don't smoke pot. Barely ever smoke pot. Once in a while. I got some friends that like smoke a little weed. I wouldn't mind. Oh yeah, I do. Yes. I saw some of them last night. I wouldn't mind a little weed at the house. You know, I wouldn't mind a little pot plant, just like, you know, one of the things is like... Tomatoes. When you have a house. I was about to say that, Drew. Well, you know I like tomatoes. I put an apricot tree. I put a tomato plant in. Put in some lemons because once in a while you're cooking, you will step out into the backyard and you grab a lemon. You don't have to run down the hill.

57:52 Drew Was lemons the other thing you were going to mention?

57:54 Adam Should probably get into that next. Got a dwarf lemon tree, by the way, Drew.

57:58 Drew I do too. Strangely.

58:00 Adam Huge calves.

58:01 Drew The lemon tree? It's nice.

58:03 Adam It's a dwarf. You get it? Alright, the point is this. I like the weed for the same reason, by the way. I don't sell tomatoes. I don't eat lemons that much. Once in a while I'm throwing a party. I'm making a little fish and I want some lemon. I just want to go get it. I don't want to score.

58:19 Drew George Washington had a little pot on his grounds.

58:22 Adam Yeah, he turned out okay. He had some good ideas.

58:25 Drew I don't think he smoked it. He used it for rope.

58:27 Adam Just saying. I pay property taxes. I pay a ton of money in taxes. I can't just have a pot plant in my backyard. I'm not doing anything with it. You see me have a bong load and drive down the street, give me a ticket. Pull me over. Let me do something. I'm not doing anything.

58:45 Drew Don't you think that the country has taken a sharp turn to the right for just sort of arbitrary reasons?

58:52 Adam What do you mean the right?

58:53 Drew I mean more conservatism.

58:55 Adam I know what you mean, but...

58:58 Drew I just think people are just sort of less tolerant of things and more into just applying for whatever reason.

59:02 Adam Well, here's in my humble estimation we're getting the worst of both worlds. The right-winging... these pricks are up there screaming a bloody murder when someone takes a banana clip away from their AK-47 because it's filled with cop killer bullets and they're like, oh my god, we have rights, this is American stuff. And then if some guy has a roach in his pox say, hey, take that hippie, throw him away and put him in the clink and throw away the key. It's weird.

59:31 Drew It's hypocritical. It's weird. We've just turned that way all of a sudden, strangely, it's just sort of feels like there's more momentum in that direction than makes sense.

59:40 Adam Yeah, we got a lot of momentum in that direction. So it's like Chuck Heston wants to be able to have firearms with him. He thinks it's okay for him. He has a new foundation that's called Kids Running with Firearms where they actually have a relay race and they use, instead of a baton, get 47. They use, no, it's a cult. It's I think it's a Beretta. It's a 44 I think is what it is. It's got a clip. It holds about 12 rounds and it's loaded and the safety's off and they hand it just to show how safe it is. They've had a few mishaps. The point is, yeah, these nutjobs want the guns legal, but hey hippie, you can rot in jail for the rest of your life. You have a joint, which to me is like, listen, you're talking about freedom, you're talking about civil liberties.

1:00:23 Drew Fine.

1:00:24 Adam And then on the other side, you got all the crazy left wing fairies who ACLU types who don't want anyone to do any DNA testing because the guys on death row have rights, even though there's a bunch of cases that are still open that these guys may be involved with and they're heading for the chair anyway. Why can't we get a little DNA swab so we could close some of these cases and free up some manpower? And by the way, give some closure to some grieving families who have no idea who the killer of their teenage daughter, if he's in the joint. Imagine, imagine, you're a family, you've got some 13-year-old who was dragging in the woods, raped and killed, it's been six years, and then you find out, oh, the guy's on death row now for another crime, by the way. A, we can close this case and free up a little law enforcement. B, the family, oh, the guy's in Florida, he's going to the chair in three weeks. No, but your friendly neighborhood ACLU, they say no to that. They're not going to let them do that. So, that's the, you got the kooky left, and then you got your crazy Bible-thumping right-wingers who are just firing guns in the air and calling the morning after pill, abortion pill, and then there's just the sane atheists like us who are just getting squeezed in the middle between the nut job. And by the way, I got to believe there's more right-thinking people in this country than the fringe elements, but somehow we just cave to them constantly because one of them writes a letter. I just, it's time for the sane people to just start taking control. It's just shut up, sit down, we're moving forward.

1:02:03 Drew But they have no power.

1:02:05 Adam I know. It's all over. That's it. We're going to Canada. Who's going to Canada? Now where's that? East. Yeah. Martha.

1:02:21 Hi.

1:02:22 Adam You're 22?

1:02:23 Caller 22.

1:02:24 Adam What's happening, baby doll?

1:02:28 Caller My problem began maybe a couple months ago. I use a vibrator, but not the penetrating kind, just the kind on the outside. And before it was really easy for me to orgasm. You know, less than a minute. Now it's taking three or four minutes and I'm getting kind of worried.

1:02:50 Adam It's almost like a whole Led Zeppelin song.

1:02:53 Drew How often are you doing this?

1:02:54 Caller About daily, maybe two, three times a day.

1:02:58 Drew About daily, two, three, four, five times a day. About once, two, three, four, five, six, eight times a day. About once, eight, eight, eight, one times a day.

1:03:14 Adam Seven, 32 times a day.

1:03:19 Drew I may back off for a few days, Martha, give your nerve endings a chance to recuperate. I think that worked just fine. Three minutes, by the way, is still world record range.

1:03:29 Adam See, like, everything just looks like someone's really shaking her head or something.

1:03:36 Drew It's at least the Olympic record range.

1:03:38 Caller No, it's not that bad, but, you know, it relaxes me right before I go to sleep or right after I wake up or, you know.

1:03:48 Drew After lunch or breakfast or dinner or whatever. Or after I talk on the phone or breathe.

1:03:59 Adam Other times I'll stand up. Sometimes I'll stretch or yawn.

1:04:04 Caller I mean guys masturbate that often too, right?

1:04:07 Drew No, guys have to build up a little fluid and take some more off for that to happen. That's one of the disadvantages of being a guy.

1:04:14 Adam We actually have an orgasm, not this sort of fakey, I'm not sure if I had an orgasm. This, we can't fake our orgasm.

1:04:22 Caller Oh, you don't?

1:04:28 Drew Oh, wait a minute. That's a good reason to get rid of a man, see?

1:04:36 Caller No, totally not that. But I think what the vibrate is more of a physical need.

1:04:41 Drew Yeah, yeah, no we get it. It's all good, it's all fine.

1:04:43 Caller And then the man fulfills the emotional void.

1:04:46 Adam You see, do you live with him?

1:04:52 Caller No, I don't.

1:04:53 Adam Where is he?

1:04:54 Caller He's at work right now.

1:04:57 Adam And what's up? How long have you guys been together?

1:04:59 Caller About a year and a half now.

1:05:02 Adam It's going okay?

1:05:04 Caller Yeah, it's great.

1:05:05 Adam Good. What are you doing? Something with a nurse thing?

1:05:08 Caller No, liberal arts major. I'm still in school.

1:05:15 Adam What are.

1:05:20 Drew You planning to do with your degree?

1:05:23 Adam Okay. Yeah, that's great.

1:05:28 Drew It's all good, Martha. Relax. Just give yourself a little break. You can actually desensitize yourself with these vibrators.

1:05:34 Caller Really? Because I've been doing it for a couple of years.

1:05:38 Drew I get it. I get you. And you're noticing this sort of getting a little worse, a little more desensitization. Take it easy.

1:05:42 Caller Should I just not do it as often?

1:05:46 Drew Or maybe even give yourself some little orgasm holidays. Like two or three days where you try not to have an orgasm, try not to vibrate.

1:05:54 Adam They're called clitoral timeouts.

1:06:00 Drew Seriously, seriously, it's fine. You're fine, you're healthy, it's good.

1:06:03 Adam Give your vulva a timeout.

1:06:05 Drew Yeah. Give it some me time.

1:06:07 Caller Some Drew time?

1:06:14 Adam Martha's vulva needs to see Martha's vulva. She needs to go there. You know? Because I don't think Martha's vulva has ever been to Martha's vulva. Do you know what I'm saying?

1:06:29 Drew Yeah, I do.

1:06:30 Adam She's been to the vibrator. She's been to her boyfriend. But she's never been to me, which is her. You know what I'm saying?

1:06:42 Drew Let's take a break.

1:06:44 Adam Take a break? What about Nyla? Boyfriend's bisexual. Screw two guys. Nyla?

1:06:53 Yes.

1:06:54 Adam You're 25? Boyfriend's bisexual?

1:06:58 Caller Yes.

1:06:59 Adam He's had screwed a couple of guys since you've been together with him? Two guys that I know of.

1:07:02 Caller He was in Seattle for a while. And while he was there, he said he had sexual relations with two men.

1:07:13 Drew What are you doing for a living?

1:07:14 Caller I'm a developmentalist.

1:07:17 Drew What does that mean?

1:07:19 Caller I take care of disabled people.

1:07:22 Drew You sound saner than somebody that should be dating a bisexual.

1:07:28 Adam Developmentalist sounds like a sort of clairvoyant civil engineer. Like they're going like, we have a shopping center here. I see four, no, five latrines and two wheelchair accesses and subterranean parking. Perfect. What else do you see? I don't know why, just like someone you consult who can speak. Oh, by the way. What? Heard a psychic on the way in. Always loved a psychic. You know the psychic move I love is, the name Greg, what does that mean to you? Nothing? I don't know. Think about it. Give it some thought. You gotta open up. You're not opening. Are you open? Let me see you. Spread them. You're not open. Yeah. Open up. Open up to that. Yeah, and think about that. She was great. She covered every bay. She's like, the guy you're talking about, husband or best friend, I'm getting friend and I don't know, husband or friend or something. And I say, he was my husband but he was also my best friend.

1:08:55 Caller All right. Yeah.

1:08:57 Adam It's like, it just covered like, yeah, the person you're talking about, he, she, I'm getting male, female, white-ish, black-ish, Asian-ish, Mexican-ish.

1:09:13 Drew Remember the greatest, what would we call him, not really clairvoyant, but of our time.

1:09:20 Adam Houdini.

1:09:21 Drew John Edwards. John Edwards. Everyone agree? Change history. I mean, change lives for people.

1:09:26 Adam Sure.

1:09:26 Drew Oh, wait a minute. Or maybe not. Maybe we can't remember what the hell.

1:09:29 Adam Oh, true.

1:09:30 Drew You know what I'm saying?

1:09:31 Adam So bitter.

1:09:31 Drew No, no, not bitter.

1:09:32 Adam Please focus your venom toward Dr. Phil.

1:09:34 Caller All right.

1:09:35 Adam Let's take a quick break here. Yes, Drew?

1:09:36 Drew Yes. Yes?

1:09:37 Adam So we will get back with Nyla, the bisexual, after this. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. Her first denture, Drew, over there.

1:09:56 Drew Starting with a new, clean sheet of paper there.

1:09:58 Adam Clean paper. Well, the other one had our wee-wee chart drawn on it. The Erlemeyer Flask. Yeah, my sister, I was saying earlier in the show that the Corollas, well, here were the two policies. My mom only shopped at the garage sales and thrift stores, and then my dad, well, he never shopped. It was like, it's thrift store, nothing. He thought it was bad, but it's like, oh no, oh no, no, it's nothing. You know, it's worse than white trash, the Corolla's. At least white trash has a boat, like a fishing boat.

1:10:38 Drew Yeah.

1:10:38 Adam You know what I mean? Maybe white trash got ATVs or there's Doombuggy they're working on, the sand rail.

1:10:44 Drew Yeah.

1:10:44 Adam There's something. Yeah, there's an El Camino, it's up on blocks. He's got a 454, he's going to be wanting to drop in there for a while. It never does anything.

1:10:53 Drew They've got stuff to work on.

1:10:54 Adam They're stuff. There's a garage, it's got a tool in it or something. Yeah. The Corolla's just... I was talking about, laughing with my buddy Chris about the purchase, the pop of Corolla made a rare big ticket item. My dad didn't buy a whole lot of what they called durable goods when I was growing up, but he did have a Sears charge card. That was like... Evidently, Sears would give anyone a charge card. It was... Sears is where we had the charge card. I guess it was one of these things where you get to bill, it's 85 bucks at the end of the month and if you pay it three months in a row, you're gold over there. Plenty of tough skins and that crap. Sears and by the way, this is pre-brand name Sears. Sears used to just carry crappy Sears stuff. You couldn't go get a Sony video camera at Sears.

1:11:45 Drew No, no, no. It was only Sears stuff.

1:11:46 Adam You couldn't buy Levi's at Sears.

1:11:48 Drew Sears vacuum cleaner, Sears whatever.

1:11:50 Adam Yeah, the clothing.

1:11:51 Drew Basically, whatever you could buy in the Sears catalog, you could buy in the Sears store. Right.

1:11:54 Adam And the only thing Sears ever made that was worth a damn is hand tools, like ratchets and things like that. You know, they do the craftsman good stuff, but then the power stuff is junk.

1:12:04 Drew Oh, Sears craftsman?

1:12:05 Adam Yeah. They make good stuff. The power stuff sells junk. But anyway, here's the point. My dad needed an air conditioner because we didn't have an air conditioner. No air conditioning. But he doesn't want to spring for a regular wall mount one, the one you put in the window and slam the thing and do the accordion stuff, because that thing had to be like 200 bucks. So he goes down to Sears, busts out the charge card, and gets the mobile swamp cooler, which by the way, the cornerstone of white trash is that swamp cooler. It's that big, it's that contraption that weighs more than the actual house. It's up on the roof. It's really the size of putting a Volkswagen up on the roof. You see, it's got the weird sort of like, sort of like, hympy hay kind of fibrous things on the side. Somehow, here's what a swamp cooler does, it makes you think you're not miserable by making a humming sound in the dog days of summer. It's not an air conditioner. You know what I mean? It's got like a squirrel cage wheel on it, it sucks air in from the outside, and somehow blasts in. Drew, the fact that you don't know what a swamp cooler is is a good thing.

1:13:17 Drew I don't know how they work. I have no idea how they work.

1:13:20 Adam They don't. That's the whole thing. It's like, how does this thing work without freon and da-da-da-da? I'll tell you how it works. Drew.

1:13:31 Drew It's just a fan.

1:13:31 Adam Yeah, it's basically a fan.

1:13:33 Drew But it has like little water to it, like moisture.

1:13:41 Adam The way, which is albino trash. Here's what this thing is. It's about half the size of a small refrigerator. It's about the size of a good-sized piece of luggage, like a big piece of luggage. Square, it's about three feet high and about two foot by two foot. Sheet metal, although with the handsome wood grain, you know, spray painted on the side of sheet metal. Right, on the side of the thing. And the bottom is a drawer, sort of a hatch drawer. It didn't pull out, it just fell forward. You would fill that with cold water or ice or something, shut it, and then kick the thing on. It had a squirrel cage, sort of fan on top, and it would just sort of pull out.

1:14:21 Drew This is the equivalent of putting a fan in front of a block of ice. It's equivalent.

1:14:25 Adam A little less effective than a block of ice. But no, it's really a good thing to get a cool pan of water and putting a fan behind it. Now, of course, after 20 minutes, the water in the contraption would be the same temperature as the ambient air. Like I said, if you want to make a big commitment, you could take a big bag of ice or something and throw it in there. You'd wheel the thing around. It'd be sitting in the living room and have some sort of like universal wheels on it. You'd just sort of pivot it around and put it in front of you, just like, hey, let's watch Mutual of Omaha, Wild King, and I'd be like, huh?

1:15:05 Caller I said, let's watch Wild King, and I'd be like, who's going to get more water for the swab cooler? I can't hear you.

1:15:15 Adam I mean, like a retard, you're filling, you're taking a pot of water from the kitchen and just dumping it into the thing, then pushing it around. Who's just going into the bedroom tonight, you know, which I think was like sheet metal, looked like bad walnut veneer on the side of it. And here's the point. Okay, here's my point. It had to be 130 bucks, whereas the actual air conditioner that would have worked was 205.

1:15:45 Drew That's going to be my point. Knowing your mom and maybe your dad as I do, I imagine some of that thinking was, we're not going to expose ourselves to the man's technology. That's some sort of voodoo and it's going to give us cancer.

1:15:58 Adam No, no, we're cheap, we're pathetic, we're stupid. Hey, my dad? Are you kidding me?

1:16:02 Drew Is that your dad's or your mom's doing?

1:16:04 Adam That's my dad's. Yeah, the Sears card. Then my buddy, the Wheeze, reminded me we had that in our first apartment.

1:16:13 Drew You had that exact thing?

1:16:14 Adam I went and claimed that thing. Oh, are you kidding? It's still somewhere. Still somewhere in use, I'm sure, with the Corollas. Oh, yeah. It was sat in the middle. Imagine you took something the size of two wall-mount air condition, just stacked them up and put them in the middle of your 900 square foot house.

1:16:35 Drew Well, you had to first push out your mobile dishwasher.

1:16:40 Adam This was a dad's house. No dishwasher. No dishwasher. He was the mobile dishwasher. Oh, no. Oh, no. Yeah.

1:16:50 Drew Oh. Yeah.

1:16:55 Adam I know. Let me tell you.

1:16:59 Drew I wonder if stepmom wanted to kill somebody.

1:17:00 Adam I've said this many times. The Corollas, three adults living separately, married, you know, remarried, whatever, grandparents, mom, remarried stepdad, dad, remarried, living separately in houses in 1980. One washing machine between the three adults, average. Age of 52, and no drives.

1:17:27 Drew At least if your dad had grown up in the frontier somewhere, I can accept that, but no.

1:17:32 Adam Idiots. Nyla?

1:17:34 Drew Yes.

1:17:35 Adam You're 25? Your parents have a washer and dryer at their house? So way ahead.

1:17:42 Drew In the day, you've got to remember your parents having been hippies, that they were not sucking the energy.

1:17:50 Adam My dad is not. I keep, Drew, you keep trying, how many times I've got to tell you?

1:17:57 Drew He had nothing. Zero. Zero energy.

1:18:00 Adam Hey, that's not a hippie.

1:18:03 Drew Well, he's very, your mom, your mom's a hippie, right?

1:18:05 Adam My mom was a hippie, yeah.

1:18:06 Drew Well, he must have had some hippie energy.

1:18:07 Adam No, he just didn't downtrodden. He couldn't do anything. Let's talk to Nyla. True, would you stop saying my dad's a hippie? He's not a hippie. He just doesn't do anything. That would be something.

1:18:24 Caller Yes.

1:18:25 Drew All right, so you're bisexual, your boyfriend's bisexual.

1:18:29 Caller We're both bisexual.

1:18:31 Drew And what's the question?

1:18:34 Caller Hello?

1:18:35 Drew What's the question?

1:18:37 Caller Oh, my question is, I also have hemorrhoids and I was wondering if hepatitis can be transferred through anal sex. That's.

1:18:52 Adam The express way. That's the toll road.

1:18:54 Drew Yes, that's the anal road.

1:18:55 Adam You really make time. The anal route for hep C is the toll road.

1:19:00 Drew You pay a little lecture and you...

1:19:02 Adam Man, you move. You move like the wind. You cut right across there.

1:19:06 Drew What? That's... Come on, you can't really be asking that question.

1:19:09 Caller No, I didn't know. I mean, I had heard that, but I didn't know if it was true or...

1:19:14 Drew Well, actually, people will debate the sexual transmission with hepatitis C, but I am convinced that it occurs of them. No, I've seen a few cases and there's no more efficient way to transmit an STD than through anal sex.

1:19:25 Adam How... Yeah.

1:19:27 Drew With or without the hemorrhoids.

1:19:28 Adam Yeah. And for a busy man like Drew, efficiencies, that's the name of the game. It's everything.

1:19:32 Drew It's everything.

1:19:33 Caller That's job one.

1:19:34 Drew By the way, if you have the hemorrhoids, really you got to go have anal sex?

1:19:43 Adam Okay.

1:19:44 Drew By the way, what if he prefers, you know, he's holding you with knives, would that just go ahead and do that?

1:19:50 Caller No.

1:19:51 Drew Oh, okay, not that. Well, that's your drawback. She loved him.

1:19:56 Adam All right. Now hold on. Let me just... Let me get something straight. And by the way, yeah, what if he wanted to rape you with a stuffed marlin? That's what he's into.

1:20:10 Caller Hey, you know, some people like stuffed animals.

1:20:12 Adam He's a mariner. All right. Listen. Did you let him have anal sex with you when you had hemorrhoids?

1:20:20 Caller Well, I have flare ups afterwards.

1:20:22 Drew Yeah, of course.

1:20:24 Adam Okay. And he's having sex... So what's happened to the two of you? What? Did you guys get molested?

1:20:31 Caller Well, I was molested.

1:20:33 Adam He was, too.

1:20:38 Drew Well, that's what creates a lot of confusion about sexual identity. And he sounds more in the confused category. I'm not saying that merely because he's bisexual, but because he's got a girlfriend and is carrying on with guys, which means he needs chaos.

1:20:52 Adam And look, I'll say it because Drew won't, bisexual guys are screwed up. They're a mess.

1:20:58 Caller Well, what about me?

1:21:00 Adam Yeah.

1:21:01 Drew Well, you're with this guy that's screwing around with other guys and putting you in a harm's way.

1:21:03 Adam But, you know, you were sexually abused, so you got to get some therapy.

1:21:08 Caller All right?

1:21:11 Adam How about that? Yeah, I know. This sounds bogus to me. It doesn't seem like you're interested or...

1:21:18 Caller No, like... I don't know.

1:21:22 Adam What's the matter, baby doll?

1:21:24 Caller I'm just stressed out because I really love him.

1:21:34 Adam Lube on vagina.

1:21:36 Caller What? What?

1:21:40 Adam Yeah, let's talk to Angie. Angie. 23, you use an anal numbing lube on your vagina. Do they have anal numbing lube?

1:22:02 Drew Is that its actual trade name?

1:22:05 No, do you want to... The name of it's even funnier. It's called analese.

1:22:10 Drew Analese. Yeah, yeah.

1:22:12 Adam Oh, does that make you... Does that numb you though or is it just lubrication?

1:22:17 Well, it worked, but I'm just making sure that it was safe to use not...

1:22:22 Drew What's the ingredients? Oh, let me get it. All right. Hold on, hold on. While you get it, we'll take a break.

1:22:32 Adam I'm going to go with phosphorus and just pixie dust. They should always put something... They should have like elven magic, like a pinch of magic. You know what I mean? I would add that to my thing. Yeah, of course.

1:22:47 Drew A little fairy dust something.

1:22:50 Adam We're going to take a quick break. We'll get right back with the anal numb...

1:22:56 Drew I'm super keen. Got lidocaine in it or something? Xylocaine?

1:23:37 No, it's got benzocaine and...

1:23:39 Drew Which is a kind of, yeah, which is a kind of... Benzocaine is kind of a xylic.

1:23:43 Adam Has it got xylocaine, lidocaine? No. It's got benzocaine.

1:23:47 Drew Which is a similar thing.

1:23:49 Adam It's totally different.

1:23:50 Okay, so benzocaine, glycerine, sodium, saccharin, flavor, rose dye, and yellow number five.

1:23:57 Adam Flavor. Yeah. Listerine?

1:24:32 Drew Cause yeast infections, but it's not like to be a problem.

1:24:36 Adam So, you use the anal lube on your hoo-ha.

1:24:39 Drew Why would you want to desensitize your vagina?

1:24:42 Because I'm in a long-distance relationship and don't get to see my boyfriend that often. And when I do, the first time we have sex, it's fine, but thereafter, it's sore. So we thought we'd try it, and we did, and it worked. And then I was like, even think about, Oh, shoot.

1:25:02 Adam Drop the S-bomb. Wow. Who would imagine?

1:25:06 Drew There's really a good little flower like Angie. It really seems like a finished product, like a...

1:25:11 Adam Wow. Yeah.

1:25:13 Drew Mrs. Howell would have been proud, I think.

1:25:15 Adam When I picture Angie, I really think of Julie Andrew's Sound of Music.

1:25:21 Drew Yeah, yeah. Or Mary Poppins or something.

1:25:23 Adam So, she's using the anal lube on her cooch and dropped the S-bomb. That's great. All right. So, anyway. Well, look, I guess here's...

1:25:37 Drew It takes all kinds.

1:25:38 Adam If it's safe to use on the ass, it's safe to use on the cooch, yes.

1:25:41 Drew Generally speaking, that's a reasonable thing. Now, I don't think that numbing it, in my opinion, shouldn't decrease the potential after intercourse pain. The only way it could make it better is if she just needed a lube, period. Yeah, I don't want to trouble you with this. Emma? Wait a second. You get on a plane tomorrow morning? What time?

1:26:05 Adam What time's the flight leave?

1:26:06 Drew Yeah.

1:26:06 Adam Well, it leaves at 7.30 but it's international.

1:26:10 Drew Oh, she's got to get to the airport at 6.

1:26:12 Adam That's what we're planning on.

1:26:14 Drew And then you're going where? To Cabo or something?

1:26:18 Adam And what, taking a jeep or something? I'll figure it out. Nah, I don't know.

1:26:24 Drew This time of year it's real breezy cool down there.

1:26:26 Adam Yeah, that's what I hear.

1:26:27 Drew 110 or 115.

1:26:28 Adam Yeah, we're going to do some fishing. We're going to fish, you know.

1:26:31 Drew Tuna? I heard you're going spearfishing tomorrow.

1:26:35 Adam Oh, maybe.

1:26:36 Drew Which I, no, Tony said you're carrying a speargun. Not just the pole but the gun.

1:26:41 Adam Oh, really? Well, the speargun is really just a pole with a piece of surgical tubing on it.

1:26:45 Drew No, no, that's the spear where you take the tubing and pull it up and you let the spear go. Oh, the gun is you pull these things back and you shoot a gun.

1:26:51 Adam Yeah, yeah. I'm sure. It'll never work.

1:26:55 Drew Somebody's got to get up with a fricking barb in his calf.

1:26:58 Caller What?

1:26:59 Adam Emma?

1:27:00 Caller Yes.

1:27:00 Adam You're 29?

1:27:02 Caller Yes.

1:27:03 Adam All right.

1:27:06 I've got a vaginal odor.

1:27:10 Adam What does it smell of, Emma?

1:27:12 Drew Lilacs?

1:27:12 Adam It smells like something died.

1:27:14 Drew That smell is. Usually the smell of anaerobic bacteria, that fecal smell. Right. And or fecal bacteria. Sometimes they kind of find their way up in there too, but usually it's anaerobic bacteria. In my experience, it makes me concerned that you've left a tampon in there or something.

1:27:40 You know, it does get worse when I get my period.

1:27:46 Drew No, but I'm saying maybe there's still something in there you forgot about.

1:27:51 Like a leftover piece or something?

1:27:54 Drew Or actually one that you just forgot you had in and put another one on top of it and never took it out.

1:27:59 Adam You never leave a man behind, Emma. That's why all my tampons and pads are numbered. My tampons are numbered. My pads are done alphabetically.

1:28:08 Drew So here's the deal, you and Falcon Leghorn who keeps his numbers, feathers never for just such an occasion.

1:28:15 Adam And I do, you know, it's a military thing. There's Bravo, Charlie, Zebra, Zulu, I mean Zulu. There's Echo. I think H is like hotel or something. There's a weird, we ought to try to figure out how many of those we can figure out one of these days.

1:28:34 Drew I can't put a bunch of them, I bet you. All right, so Emma, here's the deal. You need to see a gynecologist or a doctor, somebody does a pelvic exam on you, they need to see if there's anything left behind up there or, you know, things can be, amazing things can be found that can cause bad smells. And you need to get cultured to make sure there's not some sort of an infection and then you need an antibiotic or an antibiotic cream because that usually means infection, the bad smell like that.

1:28:56 Adam All right, let's see.

1:29:04 Drew It might be Frank.

1:29:06 Adam I think it's a name too. Let's go with Frank.

1:29:11 Drew G is the Gala or something like that?

1:29:13 Adam No. G is...

1:29:16 Drew Keep going, let's go.

1:29:19 Adam G, H, I think it's like hotel. Maybe it's Hollywood.

1:29:24 Drew Hotel.

1:29:25 Adam Could be Hollywood. I think it's hotel.

1:29:27 Drew All right.

1:29:28 Adam I. Yeah, I think I may be Indian.

1:29:32 Caller I think J is Juno.

1:29:36 Adam Get on the internet there, Engineer Chris. And see if you can find the call letters for military stuff. Lima or Lima or Lima.

1:29:49 Caller M.

1:29:50 Drew Money.

1:29:51 Adam Maybe.

1:29:53 Caller And?

1:29:54 Drew Nickel.

1:29:56 Adam Oh. All right.

1:29:59 Caller I know.

1:30:00 Adam I know there's a, yeah, I think it might be Ohio. I know there's a, what do we say, Zula?

1:30:05 Caller Yeah.

1:30:05 Adam And, no, let's see. Let me work it out. Let's take a break here, buddy. We'll be right back after this. That's the show. Thanks for listening, everybody. We'll take a...

1:30:19 Drew You want to talk to Luke real quick? On hold for 140 minutes.

1:30:22 Adam Luke.

1:30:23 Drew Yeah.

1:30:24 Adam On hold for 140 minutes. I think you set a Loveline record.

1:30:28 Drew I do. Is that a record?

1:30:29 Adam Luke, I swear to you, I want you to tell people that you're on hold for 139 minutes and 48 seconds.

1:30:38 Caller No, I seriously, like I was on the internet and I told everybody I was going to be on Loveline and then I got kind of upset because I've been calling for a couple days now.

1:30:48 Adam Yeah.

1:30:49 Drew Well, unfortunately.

1:30:51 Adam Fortunately, we're out of time, buddy. Well, let me tell you something, Luke. First off, you get the record. You don't get the record without a little heartache, by the way. You've got to work for it. You've got to work for it. And when you go half speed, that's when you get hurt, okay? My football coach used to tell me. I never understood that one. So, if two cars were going 30 instead of 60, it would be...

1:31:09 Drew Less of a problem. 60 in both 60s, way better. Really?

1:31:13 Adam All right, listen. So, Luke, yeah, girls were freaked out about your uncircumcised penis. I'm telling you, Luke, I'm giving you a tip. Pull the foreskin back. Keep it back. Train it that way. Okay. All right, just do that and call us back in two months. We'll put you on hold for 170 minutes.

1:31:34 Caller Loveline!

1:31:42 Caller Opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, August 29, 2004