Episode 1000640853278

0:56 Voiceover Love Line is meant for an adult audience, for an adult audience. Love Line may contain sexually oriented content, sexually oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised.

1:20 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Love Line. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Dixon Medicine Specialist. Well, Dr. Drew's well rested.

1:31 Drew I'm sure.

1:31 Adam I, of course, am plum tuckered out from dragging Dr. Bruce through another two hour endless show last night.

1:39 Drew I should really give you a week of Bruce and LaMarcelle in there, just till you appreciate working with me.

1:47 Adam No, I should take away your car. I was telling that Bruce, all the money I get through. So tight. What about just the last season of Love Line where I demanded they double our money on the TV show or I wasn't coming back.

2:03 Drew I remember that.

2:03 Adam What was Drew and our stupid manager saying? I said, no, now we're gonna need what? Twice the money? Yeah, and who else got twice the money?

2:14 Drew They get twice the money in half the episodes.

2:17 Adam No, shut up. It was perfect. We didn't get half the episodes. What do we do? What do we normally do?

2:23 Drew We did like 100 the first year and then we did like 60 and then we did like 30.

2:26 Adam No, we didn't do 30.

2:28 Drew Yeah, we did a lot less that last year but I don't think that had anything to do with it.

2:31 Adam And I think the money was not just the last year. Maybe it was the year before last or something. I don't think we're just, oh, who knows?

2:39 Drew It's hard to reconstruct all that.

2:41 Adam I'm literally a millionaire. I can't complain.

2:43 Drew What are you complaining about?

2:44 Adam Did I give the phone number around?

2:46 Drew 1-800-LOVE-191. I was in Cincinnati, I'll say. It was nice.

2:49 Adam Oh, what happened? And where's my money? You go away. You go away. You go chase a nickel somewhere in Cincinnati. You get paid. I stay here and get paid the same amount. You got paid, except for you weren't here, except for you're making money somewhere else.

3:02 Drew You can go.

3:04 Adam Just give me, just let me wet my beak. That's all. It's a little kickback. I'm here holding down the fort.

3:11 You know what I'm saying?

3:14 Adam You're going to make money, right? I'm staying here, I'm holding down the fort.

3:17 Drew And you can go and I'll hold down the fort for you if you want to go.

3:19 Adam We all know what's gonna happen to the fort if I leave. Nothing but redskins in here. Holding down the fort.

3:27 I come back.

3:28 Adam I come back.

3:28 Drew Come on, stop with the negativity.

3:29 Adam The place will be turned over. There'll be savages.

3:33 Drew Come on, here we go.

3:35 Adam Raping the women.

3:36 Drew Think positive thoughts.

3:37 Adam Burning the crops.

3:39 Drew Think left turn lane.

3:40 Adam I cannot leave the fort. I leave the fort. The fort turns to ass. You cannot be in charge of the fort.

3:46 Drew Be like F-Troop if I'm in charge. Yeah.

3:50 Adam Engineer Anderson is back. So we got that.

3:52 Drew Amazing, where you been?

3:54 Adam Cincinnati.

3:55 With getting paid.

3:56 Cincinnati.

3:57 Adam Where you been?

3:58 I was with the kids.

3:59 Drew For two weeks?

4:01 Yeah, I had to take one extra day.

4:03 Drew But then you were gone like a week before that too. I had to take one extra day.

4:05 I was gone two weeks minus one day.

4:10 I was up there for like 10 days.

4:12 Wow.

4:13 Adam Anderson working at the Camp Ronald McDonald.

4:16 Drew For good times.

4:17 Adam That's right. They take wealthy kids and they put them on a mountain. These are privileged kids that are in perfect health. And Anderson just hangs out with them basically.

4:28 All my kids were from East LA for the most part.

4:31 Adam Oh really?

4:32 Drew It's heavy stuff.

4:32 Because if you get cancer, I think that if you're rich, you're going to Hawaii.

4:36 And if you don't have the money, they're going to send you to a free camp.

4:38 Adam They go to the mountains. So all these kids, true call. What are you starting to fire over there?

4:43 Drew Just moving.

4:43 Adam What's going on, buddy? Relax now. So what are the kids? Are they all terminal, Anderson?

4:51 No, no, they either have cancer or they're in remission.

4:54 Most of them are actually in remission, which is nice.

4:56 Adam No, that's good. And what's going on with that cancer? We got a handle on that? We got a beat? What's going on?

5:03 When they started the camp, a lot of the kids were terminal apparently.

5:07 And now it's like an 85% success rate.

5:09 Adam Yeah, so what? We moving ahead with cancer here, Drew, or what?

5:12 Drew With a lot of them, childhood cancers particularly.

5:14 Adam Oh yeah? Why, just because kids are more resilient? They heal, they want to heal better?

5:21 Drew Here's the bottom line is that we're not as good at dealing with solid tumors as with the blood tumors and the lymph tumors, that sort of thing. But even the central nervous system tumors. But the tumors that are horrible, like pancreas, lung, colon, continue to be awful.

5:37 Adam All right, well, good times. Let me say this, I came in here tonight just before we went off on the air. I was talking about the pneumatic closers. Those are these, oh, Drew is God as my witness. I'm bringing my cordless drill in here and I'm gonna deactivate all these goddamn pneumatic closers in this place. I don't want to get on, get started too much for a rant, but anyone who's listening to the show some months back when I got back from Paris, no pneumatic closers in all of Paris. The United States is one big door closer. It's one big fire door. Everything's gotta be, every door has to close behind you because so the fire doesn't spread. And what happens is a couple of homos are blowing each other in Vegas. One of them throws the blunt down on the bedspread because they're high on the aim of poppers. Next thing you know, the Hilton goes up and 85 people die. And now everyone's getting sued and now everyone's gotta have pneumatic closers. This is how this country works. Everyone's getting sued. Oh, I got some ideas, Drew. I gotta make a note here that I'm gonna get into something else later. But the point is-

6:41 Drew Oh, I love that. You gotta finish this thought.

6:44 Adam You don't even know what I'm talking about.

6:46 Drew Bring back the duel.

6:47 Adam Drew knows what I'm talking about.

6:48 Drew Bring it back.

6:48 Adam Drew knows what I'm talking about.

6:50 Drew Bring it back.

6:51 Adam Drew knows what I'm talking about.

6:52 Drew Alexander Hamilton, Aaron Burr, we're bringing on.

6:54 Adam All right, well, hold on a second, Drew, because I'm gonna get fired up on this in a second.

6:58 Drew That is a great idea.

7:00 Adam Let me just say this. Okay, pneumatic door closers. There are those things that sit up top of the door. Probably more people end up losing fingers in them every year than burning fires, but that's beside the point. It slams the door shut behind you. They never work. You can never adjust them correctly. They're always too hard to push or too easy. Either the door doesn't shut and latch or come slamming shut and smash someone's knuckles. Never works. In Europe, they don't seem to have them. In hotel rooms, you can just open your door and shut the door behind you.

7:30 Drew Millions of people die in fires.

7:31 Adam Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's why all the hotels are 500 years old. Because they catch on fire every other week and burn to the ground? I've always argued about these things. I've pitched fits about them on the air because I have to lean my shoulder in every one of these things to get through the halls. Through the hall, into the bathroom. Yes, here at the Mother Station in Los Angeles. To get into the studio, you gotta throw your shoulder. If you're holding a cup of coffee, you have to twist the knob with your ass cheek and then back into it, putting your full weight on it. Rodney on the Rock, a legendary DJ out here in Los Angeles, a pioneer, the first man up on the Sunset Strip. I mean, him and the-

8:08 Drew They are the Sunset Strip.

8:09 Adam Him and the Donner Party crossed the Sunset Strip in like 1731. This guy broke the go-gos, he broke the doors. He broke- Yes, he broke every, he broke guys who sung into those megaphones. Who sung Won't You Be My Melancholy Baby into megaphones with the paint-on mustache and the straw hat. He broke everybody, this guy. But he's a diminutive man. He's not a large man.

8:35 Drew He can't open the doors.

8:36 Adam I walked down the hall last night. Sunday night is Rodney on the Rock night. Rodney goes about a buck and a quarter, maybe, and that's with the poofy hair. Minus the hair, he's under 100 pounds. And he's wearing the crazy black shoes and the pegged jeans. And he, poor guys, leaned over at a 45 degree angle, like he's the dog from the Grinch trying to drag the sled up the hill. Poor guy's got, the man is, you know, he's not a young man. He's got many years left in him, but I wouldn't call him Spry, and he was never captain of the football team. The guy's got his shoulder leaned into it. He's leaned across at a 45 degree angle, and he's chugging like it's some sort of football drill. Like he's pushing a sled, trying to get the door open. I just watch him with my jaw hanging open, like, go, Rodney, go, baby. There's daylight, push, push. So it's open three quarters of an inch now. Stick your foot in there. And what I'll do is I'll lean my shoulder and just push it open a quarter inch and then bust the table leg off or something and wedge it in there. Then use it as a pry bar. It actually pried the door open. I thought to myself, really, we have to fight to get into the studio? Rodney, I got to be honest with you. If Rodney loses three pounds, he's off the air. You understand? He can't get into the studio anymore. The door's going to open and then just send him sailing down the hall.

10:04 Drew Absolutely.

10:06 Adam Drew, if you could have seen Rodney trying to get into his own studio because of the dramatic closer. See, the closer was set at like 128 pounds and Rodney goes 124. Yes. And it just do the math. It's not going to happen.

10:21 Drew It's just leading to it. I'm sure you're not exaggerating. I absolutely know it's.

10:26 Adam I was like, well, I didn't want to say anything. And also I don't want to go help because, you know, the day some punk DJ from down the hall has to go help the legendary rock icons, the openness pneumatic door, is the day you get out of the business. That can ruin, you know, all you have is your confidence.

10:42 Drew That's all you have. Nobody should hear you talking about this, basically.

10:45 Adam No, they shouldn't hear me.

10:46 Drew Yeah, yeah.

10:47 Adam I think crisis mics are hot. The point is, is all you have as a performer, Drew, is your confidence. And when they take that away from you, when some upstart kid helps you with the door, it's gone now, baby. You know what I'm saying? That's all you have. You got nothing else. Just your confidence. So the point is, is, oh, this country's falling apart.

11:11 Drew Pneumatic, let's not have a duel now, later, later.

11:14 Adam We have to, oh, duels.

11:14 Drew Let's take some calls, duels later.

11:15 Adam All right, well, of course, I got ideas. I came up with it today.

11:18 Drew I am so with you.

11:19 All right.

11:20 Adam Something smells on me.

11:21 Drew Remember Love and Death, the duel?

11:23 Adam Yeah, great movie. Lauren?

11:26 Yeah?

11:27 Adam Something.

11:28 Drew I don't smell you, so don't worry about it. What's going on?

11:31 Hi, I was just calling regarding birth control.

11:35 I've been on Depo for a year now.

11:38 And I was wondering when you can tell it's wearing off.

11:42 Drew What do you mean wearing off?

11:44 Because you know how you go on it for about two years and then they usually make you get off of it again because it wears off after a while and make you go on something else like they ask it for a year again.

11:55 Drew Yeah, it's not so much about wearing off as it's not the best thing for you to continue, you have continuously going. Well, you could go for a long, long period of time. I don't know if there's any specific guidelines. I'll look it up to see if there are specific guidelines, but there's a recent study that came out that suggested that people that take out Depo-Provera may be at increased risk of STDs, and they don't know if it's because it's the kind of person who asks for this form of contraception, or if it's, or the kind of person, a doctor selects this contraception for, or something in the Depo-Provera that increased the risk of both gonorrhea and chlamydia.

12:31 Adam Well, more than other women that aren't using condoms and are just using the pill.

12:36 Drew Exactly.

12:36 Adam The comparative women that use the pill.

12:38 Drew For women using hormonal contraception.

12:41 Really? Yeah.

12:43 Adam So that can't mean, I mean, everyone's first impression as well. Of course they're not using condoms, so they're more susceptible to venereal disease, but neither are other women that are using it.

12:52 Drew Right, but maybe people that ask for a shot are perceived as being less responsible or more spontaneous or whatever.

12:58 Adam Let me say this. They're certainly more spontaneous. Most women who are on the shot either put on the shot because they're a little impulsive.

13:06 Drew Or after an abortion, sometimes they put on the shot.

13:10 Adam Or they are on the shot because by their own admission, they just have trouble keeping to a schedule and they've gotten burned a few times before. So I would say the group that's on the depot shot, I mean, let's just put it this way. Your crew's in the single bar. You just blew through Cincinnati. You're looking to dip your wick. Give me the depot crowd. No, I mean, you need some action tonight. Give me the depot crowd.

13:35 Drew I've heard also some women on that, the depot does two things. It either sort of charges them up sexually or shuts them down. I wonder if some women get a little hypersexual from it.

13:45 Adam I saw at one point, Rodney had put his back against the door and used his feet on the other side of the hall to press the door open. He actually-

13:53 Drew Like Roger Rabbit.

13:54 Adam Actually had his feet pushed up against the hall and his back against it and wanted me to-

14:00 Drew Suspended in the air.

14:01 Adam Oh, suspended in the air. He's four feet off there and he pressed his back and he wanted me just to flip the handle just so he could get a press going. Good squat going. It's great. Penny loafers and peg leg, black jeans. Awesome. She cool? Are we talking to Gabby?

14:20 Yeah.

14:21 Adam Gabby? You're 19? Oh, that's a good mother. Gabby?

14:30 Drew Hey.

14:30 Adam Who you yelling at, baby doll?

14:31 Drew Come here.

14:34 Sorry. I'm yelling at my friend. I'm sorry.

14:37 Adam What's going on?

14:39 Nothing. I'm just hanging out with my friends right now.

14:41 Adam Oh, okay then.

14:42 Yeah.

14:43 You guys are awesome. I've been waiting to get on the line with you guys for like six years. You don't even know. And I'm so happy.

14:49 Adam Six years?

14:51 Yeah.

14:51 Seriously. I've been talking to you guys from like when I lived in Arkansas, like forever ago.

14:56 Adam What's going on?

14:57 Nothing. I'm getting out of the car because they're trying to listen to the radio.

15:03 Drew 26 years. Give her a break. All right.

15:04 Adam I'm going to let her get out of the car.

15:07 Drew Five.

15:07 Gabby?

15:08 Yes.

15:09 Adam Here we go.

15:11 All right.

15:12 Drew There you go. You're on.

15:15 All right. Hi.

15:15 Here we go.

15:17 Drew Here we go.

15:18 Today, Junior.

15:22 Drew Gabby.

15:23 Adam Sorry, baby. Six years. So let's do some math. We should be talking to you in, what, 2010? Late 2010?

15:30 Drew Yeah, but you can understand that she's a little addled and confused after being on hold and being, you know, searching for six years and now she can't really process this.

15:38 Adam How many times are you gonna say, let's go? Here we go. Let's do it. She's distracted. People, be able to trouble getting out of the gates. I'm gonna put her back on hold.

15:48 All right.

15:50 Adam Rissa? You're 20?

15:54 Caller What's up?

15:56 Caller I can't orgasm.

15:57 Adam Mm-hmm.

15:58 Caller Why not?

15:59 Drew Ever?

16:00 Caller Well, with myself, yeah, but I've been with other people, lots of other people, and I can't at all. I think I have a small clit. I even tried to like pierce the hood. That didn't work, so I took it out and I don't like it anymore. And I even went to hypnotherapy over this.

16:18 Adam No.

16:19 Drew Something's...

16:20 Caller Really?

16:20 Drew What's the deal?

16:21 Caller You got energy.

16:22 Drew Yeah.

16:23 Caller I've been with guys and they say that, oh yeah, I can make you come. I've never had a girl not come. And I believe them and it just doesn't happen.

16:31 Drew Most women do not have orgasms with intercourse. Do you understand that?

16:34 Adam Most.

16:35 Caller But not even oral. I can't get off.

16:38 Drew And how is it that you are able to get off?

16:42 Caller Masturbating, a vibrator.

16:44 Drew Why don't you bring the vibrator into the whole interaction?

16:48 Caller I've done that too and that only works sometimes. I was with a guy for a year and probably toward the end of the relationship is when I would sometimes orgasm, using the vibrator during penetration.

17:01 Adam That counts.

17:02 Caller Sometimes.

17:03 Adam I count that.

17:03 Caller It's like what, 10 months?

17:05 Drew Yeah, but so what you'd say is you need a stable relationship with somebody you can kind of work it out with and you figure it out.

17:11 Caller But it's like medical abnormality or something.

17:16 Drew No, it's not a medical abnormality. What's abnormal is your obsession with this, yeah.

17:21 Adam What's up with you with the piercings and that?

17:23 Drew Multiple, lots of guys.

17:24 Adam You're taking the caliper to your clitoris.

17:28 Drew Where did you get the idea that a clitoris size makes any difference? Where did you get that?

17:33 Caller I was reading online and the whole Betty Dobson revolution and the, yeah, self-love and I researched it a lot.

17:41 Drew But what does the size has nothing to do with anything?

17:43 Caller Well, I thought that the bigger it is, the more you can orgasm and like the more-

17:47 Adam No, it's like look-

17:48 Drew The bigger the penis, the more you orgasm? No, no.

17:50 Adam Good. No, it's like saying I enjoy food more, I have bigger taste buds.

17:54 Caller Yeah, right.

17:55 Adam Doesn't matter. It's gotta have taste buds.

17:57 Yeah.

17:58 Adam Although I wonder if bigger, yeah, no. All right. And Rissa's got energy. I don't know where it's coming from. Rissa?

18:04 Caller Yeah.

18:05 Adam She's been with lots of guys. You got the clit piercing. You're doing the water displacement test on your clit. What's up? Where's your dad? I don't trust him.

18:15 Caller I don't know.

18:16 Adam You don't know where your dad is?

18:17 Caller No.

18:18 Adam Good. You're not going to find him in your underpants.

18:20 Drew Or in somebody else's.

18:22 Adam That's right. I need you to get some therapy.

18:26 Caller I'm in therapy actually.

18:27 Caller There we go.

18:28 Adam Stick with it.

18:28 Drew Talk about sex and therapy. Don't do what Carolla does and just skip that topic.

18:32 Adam What'd your dad do? Abandon you when you were young? Abandon the family?

18:37 Drew So that's a wild search now.

18:40 Adam Get some therapy. Let me say this. Chris, was I talking on the air last night about those ACLU pussies? Or was I just screaming at Bruce about it during the commercial break? I never figured out.

18:50 During the commercial break.

18:51 Adam All right, quiet now. Here's, speaking of deadbeat dads, I was just watching this thing. You know how we hate the, we're beginning to hate the ACLU.

19:00 Drew We?

19:01 Adam You hate them and I hate them. Yes, because of their horrible.

19:06 Drew They get into crazy.

19:06 Adam They started off by doing some good. Let's let black guys vote. Okay, good, we're all behind that. And then it started getting into death row prisoners shouldn't have to give up DNA samples to try to wipe old cases off the books. Who cares about those grieving families? These guys have their rights, even though they're due to go to the chair.

19:24 Drew I heard a term today while I was away that I had not heard a long time, debt to society. What happened to the debt to society thing?

19:30 Adam Now that's gone. It's just somehow society screwed them. Now here's the thing about.

19:35 Drew We're paying the debt.

19:37 Adam Yeah, everyone on death row is either there falsely accused because of the color of their skin or their socioeconomic situations. They're either poor or black or both. So that's why they're in the joint. Or if they are there because they hurt somebody, it's because we forced them to do it. Society and the man, we gave him no options. Well, he could have went to college, but we took it away from him and he was forced to kill and now it's our fault. So there's that thing going. But ACLU used to do some decent work and now they're just doing novelty crap. I think just to piss off right thinking people is all this. And it's really just turning just a band of angry lesbians. And thank God for the ACLU because I can call them all that. You know what I mean? That's my right. But some judge, I don't know where, maybe it was like Arizona or something where a lot of these good ideas seem to come from. Yeah, I got a little Frontier Justice over there. He said, look, he was getting a lot of deadbeat dads coming in front of him. And he said, the judge said, look, all dads with four or more kids who with three or more different women who are currently deadbeat dads, oh, money, you got your choice. You can go in the joint for six months or you can get fixed.

20:50 Drew Oh, nice.

20:51 Adam Nice. Oh, no, not the ACLU is not going to stand for this though. Oh, no. Oh, you're saying poor people can't have kids? Yeah, that's what he's saying. No, you pussies, you retards, you idiots. He's saying poor people who have multiple kids.

21:08 Drew Not for anybody.

21:09 Adam Yeah, they can be rich. They can be rich. They just choose not, I'm assuming they're poor, but they can be rich. And I'm guessing most of dads spend their money on tackle and gambling and whores and booze and substance and stuff like that and lottery tickets and they're playing the ponies and that, all the good stuff, all the fine stuff, maybe rims for the cars and that kind of stuff, accessories, whatever they're spending the money on. And no, it's not necessarily poor people, it's just people that choose not to pay for their kids when they have four kids or more, or more with three or more women and they have a choice. They can go to the joint for six months, they don't have to get it. ACLU, oh no, oh no, this is discrimination. Really, nothing, what about what he owes society for what he's doing? Nothing there. By the way-

21:58 Drew Talk about a debt to society, which is really what-

22:01 Adam It's a debt.

22:02 Drew This is all yes, we've incurred a debt here.

22:04 Adam I'm just saying, ACLU, they've obviously run out of things to champion, and they need to just pack it up and just hit the kibbutz, would ya? Just pack up your lesbian tent, fold up the sandals and the beads and just head out to the desert, would ya?

22:20 Drew That's a slippery slope we're going down.

22:22 Adam I know, I know, that's what I love, very slippery, because once we stop the guys that are cranking out four and five kids with three and four different wives, or forget about wives, by the way, they're our friends.

22:32 Drew By the way, ruining the, potentially ruining the lives of these women. How about protecting the women?

22:36 Adam All you gotta do is pay for them and you can do whatever you want. It's just, you just physically have to support your goddamn children. Once it gets to the point where you're in front of the judge and you're using up court time stuff, I know, it's time to put an end to it. And listen, why doesn't ACLU just go protect animals?

22:54 Drew Why doesn't it protect the women who are being exploited in these situations?

22:57 Adam Oh, listen, they're not interested in protecting anybody. They're just interested in giving the man a hard time. Let's face it, there's no rhyme or reason to any of the crap they do. They're just screwing with the man. That's it. The man says something, they say something back. They're just really just angry screw ups. We've got a little bit of education, just enough to make them stupid. I just wish they'd get the hell out of the way and let the sensible society move forward. And yeah, I know without them, oh, it's all gonna cave in. Next thing you know, it's back to the Salem witch hunts. We're coming in, they're telling, they're screaming at everybody. Yes, nobody can have, no, we're gonna start needing your tax records to see if you can have kids. I know, slippery slope, slippery slope.

23:43 Drew By the way, the slippery slope we're on is the one that's destroying us.

23:46 Adam Yeah.

23:47 Drew That's the slippery slope.

23:48 Adam Of course, I know, I know. And the doom and gloom, you hear it every year. It's the same thing. If they do English only in the schools and all these poor kids are gonna start trotting out of schools, yeah, meanwhile, they just learn English and get jobs.

24:02 Drew Now they're doing much, they're no longer being discriminated because they speak English. Of course.

24:07 Adam Of course, of course. But it can't be the answer.

24:09 Drew Do you remember all that?

24:11 Adam Oh, it's gonna be a disaster. Of course, of course it is.

24:13 Drew Well, how about if we need an apology on that one?

24:15 Adam They never do, they just move on to their next chicken-ass point and that's it. All right, all right, I'm sick of all this. No. I'm fired up. Gabby?

24:25 Yes.

24:26 Adam You're 19?

24:28 Caller Yes.

24:28 Drew Should be waiting for six years.

24:29 Adam All right, now you gotta wait a little longer because Drew wants to take a commercial. All right, well look, I tried to talk to you twice. You were yammering away with your friends.

24:39 Caller I know, no, I'm so sorry. I was trying to get out of the car and then a car drove by and I couldn't hear you guys. When you guys switched back over from hearing the show and then hearing you guys, it was so quiet and I could barely hear you guys' voices so I turned my cell phone up.

24:51 Caller All right, all right.

24:52 Adam Well, we're gonna get back to you. I got to take a quick break. Rodney's still trying to get into the studio. It's been 23 hours now. I'm gonna go crack the door. Drew, you get the WD-40 and get some of that water-soluble lube you keep in the trunk of your car.

25:07 Drew Perfect.

25:07 Adam Grease the hinges, I'll throw my shoulder in it. We'll break into the studio. We'll be right back after this.

25:12 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

25:32 Adam Hey everybody, it's Loveline. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Drew and I just talking off the air about Hitler's mustache. And I was talking about it on the air last night, and it just bears repeating, because Drew's heard it for the first time. But Hitler, 1940s, all the footage I've seen of World War II, and I've seen millions and millions. The guys who did the trial at Nuremberg didn't have not seen as much footage as I've seen of Nazi Germany, because that's all I do, is sit around and obsess on footage and try to come up with plans to bomb Germany again. All those years, never seen anybody with the Hitler mustache.

26:14 Drew No, certainly nobody in Germany at the time. No footage of anybody.

26:17 Adam No peasant.

26:18 Drew You pan across crowds of thousands of people with the hallowed alert. Yes. Nobody with the mustache.

26:23 Adam It was all about uniformity for him. It was all about architecture with him.

26:26 Drew And he created all that.

26:28 Adam All about creating a new look and a new style, a new everything. Everyone wore everything in the war and listened to everything he listened to. Nobody had that horrible mustache, except for one guy in the German army who I saw Saturday night pass on a half track. I T-vote it. I rewound it 750 times.

26:44 Caller Did you watch it back?

26:45 Adam I just kept watching it. I make sure it wasn't a moth on his lip.

26:48 Drew Or make sure it wasn't Hitler himself.

26:49 Caller Yeah.

26:50 Adam Yeah. One guy. And I just, I just said, Bruce and I were talking about it last night and think about it. You've never seen it. You've never seen one of his generals.

26:58 Drew It's so striking. There's got to be a reason. Either you have to be so F'ed up to sport that stash as he must have been, that no one else could tolerate doing that to themselves.

27:10 Adam Well, that's the whole question. It's like, if your look is so bad, there's no amount of exposure that can overcome it. Like let's, I'll give you another for instance, Don King's head.

27:21 Drew Right. No one's going to imitate that.

27:22 Adam Nobody has Don King's hair.

27:24 Drew It's just his hair.

27:25 Adam Don King is one of the most recognizable faces in the United States. He's been on TV thousands of hours and a very high exposure guy, very successful guy. Nobody will do what he's done to his hair.

27:38 Drew So there's some people that have stylistic expressions that are so far outside the norm that people are like, that's theirs.

27:44 Adam I think Hitler's mustache was so effed up, even his loyal kiss ass troops would not sport it.

27:50 Drew I wonder if people were so fear, a frightened of him that they would feel like he might take it the wrong way.

27:55 Adam Yeah, but it's like we said, whenever a leader would get into power and start putting a look together, his constituency would fall away.

28:05 Drew I mean, basically in Russia at the time of Stalin, there's lots of big old mustaches.

28:08 Adam Yeah, if you look sensible enough, people will do it. You got the crazy stash and the comb over, no one's going for it. No one went with the hair either.

28:16 Drew Yeah, that's true. Well, a little bit, a little bit.

28:19 Adam A little bit, well, not, yeah, but the stash. I mean, he was, oh, for like 20 million easily.

28:28 Drew One, one for 20 million.

28:29 Adam Oh, one, got him. Gabby?

28:32 Caller Yes.

28:33 Adam All right, baby doll, what's happening? You're 19.

28:36 Caller Yes. My friend does already thinks you're hot, by the way, Adam, but my question is to you guys.

28:41 Drew Yeah, but even so, so anyway.

28:46 Caller Well, my question is, is I had this guy that I was dating and he came and stayed at my house with me for a weekend and the first day, I think we messed around a few times and got him like, you know, excited or whatever, and then got him to the point. But then we didn't actually like have sex and it happened about two times, I think. And then the next day when we were messing around one day, we actually had sex. And then when he came, I there was like this jelly stuff that I found like on the blanket or something. And I was in heat. I asked him what it was. And he told me that that happened when a guy gets excited a few times and doesn't do it. It's like a plug or something. So I was basically wondering what was up with that.

29:24 Drew Wait a minute.

29:26 Adam Now, jelly plug left on the bed. You mean that could have been that could have been his calling card.

29:32 Caller Calling card. Well, it was like kind of it was just really little. It was just like a little piece that felt like gel, like hair gel.

29:41 Drew Listen, jelly little tapioca pudding type appearance occurs when guys do not clear the pipes regularly.

29:47 Caller Yeah, that's what he said.

29:49 Drew There's a little chunks if he's not ejaculating.

29:51 Adam Well, did he have an orgasm?

29:54 Caller Yes. So that was the last time when I asked him what that thing was. That's basically what happened.

29:58 Drew That was the last orgasm was the jelly.

30:01 Adam So did he have an orgasm?

30:02 Caller That was the first one.

30:04 Drew The first one. The first one.

30:05 Caller It didn't happen again.

30:08 Drew So at the beginning, his first emission had the jelly. That was the first emission for him.

30:12 Adam But he had an orgasm.

30:13 Caller Yeah.

30:14 Adam All right. That was some of it.

30:15 Drew Yes.

30:16 Caller That was some of it.

30:16 Adam That was the solid part of it.

30:18 Drew Right. And then if a guy hasn't had an ejaculation in a little while, a few days, that will accumulate in some guys.

30:23 Adam Let me explain orgasm.

30:24 Drew Six years.

30:26 Caller Six years for that.

30:28 Adam Could have been another question. Let me tell you something. You know, once in a while you make some chocolate milk, you put the powder in there, you mix it up as best you can, and then you drink it, and there's a perfectly dry chunk somewhere stuck cleaving to the side of the thing. That's what that is. You know the thing that's crazy about it? It's submerged in 14 ounces of milk, and it dries a bone inside its little cocoon. Really? And by the way, the guys that are manufacturing powdered chocolate milk, we can't do better than that. It dries to a vapor-tight outer shell so that there's just bone dry powder the size.

31:00 Drew By the way, not one. Usually dozens of them.

31:03 Adam Usually dozens of bone dry little nodules floating around inside there.

31:06 Drew And then they just make smaller nodules that are enclosed.

31:09 Adam We can't do, sand would not do that. Let's get to work on that, by the way. Let me say this, a little too much time in the lab focusing on the chocolatey goodness and not enough time working on the breakdown.

31:21 Drew Yeah, the ease of...

31:22 Adam Yeah, you know, it'd be nice, it'd be nice. And then there's always a controversy. Should I put the thing in first or should I dump the milk in and then put the powder in? Or should I be pouring it in while I'm stirring it simultaneously? Either way, there's always the little deserty dry thing in there. Here's a, here, someone do this with the powdered milk. Invent the powder that you could actually just dump in the top and it would just pow, pow, just dissolve. Just goes away. And by the way, for all powder, protein powder does that. Everything, every powder that you stir up into some water, some juice or some milk, there's always, you either gotta get the Cuisinart thing out, you know, you gotta get the pina colada mixer out or there's gonna be the dry chunk. What is the, let's work on that. Can we do that?

32:05 Drew Let's do that.

32:06 Adam Let's go now. Chris, you know what I'm talking about? It's on the air. Tiffany.

32:14 Caller Yes?

32:15 Adam You're 25?

32:17 Caller Yes.

32:17 Adam What's up?

32:19 Caller Well, I've been with my boyfriend for like five years and just a couple of days ago, he confessed to me that he had started seeing somebody else, but like not in a serious way. It was just another girl because he didn't really hang out with girls. And she liked him and he knows I hate her and he did it anyway, but nothing happened, he says, but I'm freaked out about it.

32:43 Adam Wait a second.

32:45 Drew Well, let me hear more of what this question is. We can interpret that, but what's the question?

32:49 Caller Well, okay. Ever since this happened, first of all, I've been just sort of stressing out about it and I don't know if I'm making too big of a deal out of it. And then also all I want to do is like sleep with him. Like I've masturbated like way more since I found out this happened. I don't know if that's weird.

33:08 Drew Caveman. This is the caveman. Cave woman.

33:11 Adam Playing right into his hand. Yeah. You've not slept with them before this?

33:16 Caller Oh, no, no.

33:17 Caller I mean, we have been.

33:18 Drew She's now wants to have sex all the time.

33:20 Caller Yeah.

33:21 Drew Since she's discovered that this girl's interested in him. Yeah, hold on a second.

33:25 Adam Now, you guys have been together for five years.

33:27 Caller Mm-hmm.

33:29 Adam Now, why is he admitting this to you? Did you bust him in any way?

33:32 Caller No, it's just we've been coming into some commitment issues.

33:41 Drew Tiffany, Tiffany, Tiffany, you speak in like riddles, limericks.

33:44 Adam He's wanting to get out of there.

33:45 Drew What do you mean they're commitment issues? What does that mean?

33:49 Caller Well, recently we've been talking more and more about getting married and he's been really shying away from and saying, I'm not ready for it. I'm not ready for it.

33:57 Drew He's on his way out.

33:58 Adam He's on his way out.

33:59 Drew He's got, he's got to let you go because he is not ready for marriage. Do not think you convert him into a guy who's ready for marriage. He's got to go find out who he is professionally, get a job, get in the workforce. Then he'll be ready for marriage in about five years.

34:12 Adam How old is he?

34:14 Drew He's 25. Yeah. You're not going to convert him. He's not ready.

34:17 Adam And he's telling you this because he's just wanting out. He doesn't even know it. He's wanting out. I let him out.

34:23 Drew He's not ready.

34:24 Adam Don't obsess.

34:25 Drew Guys do not go from not ready to ready because you convince them.

34:30 Adam Yeah.

34:31 Drew Guys will give up. Guys will lose women that they regret having lost because they were not at a place in their life where they could get married. And if you force them into marriage, it will not be happy.

34:41 Caller Well, the thing is, is that I'm not ready right now either. I want to wait, you know, until I finish school, but.

34:46 Adam You want to wait until he's ready, which will be never.

34:49 Caller And when I'm ready too.

34:50 Adam I know, I know you got to rap, but he's not buying. He doesn't hear what you're saying. He's feeling what you're putting out. And that ain't someone who's, and I love when the chicks pull that thing. Hey, I'm not ready. Oh yeah, let's elope tonight. They would do it. They all, listen, they all pack a bag at 15. Just waiting for Prince Charming to pull his steed out the front of the window.

35:12 Drew I won't let you get away with that.

35:12 Adam Oh true, you're going to hear the clap, clap, clap, clap, come up the driveway and a big long haired guy is going to, girl's going to tie the bedsheets together and lower herself out the first floor. She's on the first floor.

35:25 Drew I'm going to swindle her out that same window.

35:29 Adam Swinging on the chandelier out the window on, onto the awning, which tears, Drew bounces off it, does a flip, lands on his feet. What happened to people bouncing off the awning?

35:39 Drew Yeah, awnings used to be just like trampolines. When did they become awnings again?

35:42 Adam Let me tell you something. I'll tell you, the chandelier used to be a form of transportation.

35:46 Drew It's trapeze.

35:46 Adam That's how you get from one side of the room to the next.

35:49 Drew Trapeze.

35:49 Adam And yeah, the awning was the first airbag trampoline. Yeah, you just land, your ass hits it, and thing never buckles. Let me tell you something. I've put up a few awnings in my day. If anybody over 100 pounds hits it for more than three stories, they're taking it down. There's a couple of plastic screw shields holding it into some stucco.

36:10 Drew Three stories, how about from the next window up?

36:12 Adam KRO lands on an awning I put on, it's coming down. We got a rock here, Drew. You want a boogie?

36:18 One more.

36:18 Adam What's up?

36:18 Drew Let's boogie.

36:19 Adam I got to talk about dueling tonight, too.

36:20 Drew We will, don't worry.

36:21 Adam That's my new plan. Christie? All right, now I'm hanging up on you because you're, I feel like she was correcting me even though I got her name right.

36:32 Drew She was like, like confirming. Yeah, Christie, yeah, that's me.

36:36 Adam All right, were you doing that, Christie?

36:38 Caller Well, some people call me Christine and that's not my name.

36:43 Adam Ah, how is it you misread everybody all the time? How do you do that so consistently, Drew?

36:50 Drew Want to give people the benefit of the doubt.

36:52 Adam She was correcting.

36:53 Drew I know, you're right.

36:54 Adam Christie, it's, oh, it's Christie. Yeah, oh, just don't, just, I can't, I don't, Drew, what drives me berserk? What drives, why does this drive me berserk? The people who have names that could go one way or go to the other and they walk around in a poised position to correct everybody all the time with their goddamn worthless names. Let me tell you something, everybody. You know who you're an individual to? You, nobody else. You and your stupid dad and mom. Everyone else could give a rat's ass about you. So stop going through society like everyone cares. Just quit pissing everyone off with your stupid corrections. And by the way, you wanna make friends? Stop correcting everyone in the beginning of every conversation you have with everybody, all the time.

37:37 Drew Yeah, but the fact that they do that means something's going on.

37:41 Adam Stupid parents who name their kid Torrin. It's like, excuse me, Lauren? It's Torrin. That's great. All right, now see what you did, Christy. You made me mad. So quick correct.

37:54 Drew Christine.

37:54 Adam It's a Christy. Yeah, I said Christy.

37:58 Drew Well, some people call me Christy. My real name is Christy.

38:00 Adam Now you can sit on home. I bet she's hot too. Christy. Are you hot?

38:09 Caller All right.

38:11 Adam We're gonna do, and by the way, what do you mean you don't know? Don't give me that. I don't know. I know I'm hot. Drew knows I'm hot. Christy, you know I'm hot. See?

38:20 Drew Ask her again.

38:20 Adam What do you mean you don't know?

38:21 Drew She has to say yes.

38:22 Adam She knows. All right. Christy, do you think I'm hot?

38:27 Caller I've never, I don't know.

38:32 Adam Wait a minute. You've never, you've never seen me?

38:35 Caller No.

38:38 Drew That's possible, Adam. I know that might break your heart, but it's possible.

38:41 Adam Yeah, it's possible.

38:43 Drew Well, Christy, are you hot?

38:45 Caller Sure.

38:46 Adam You have no idea what I look like?

38:48 Caller Mm-mm.

38:49 Adam All right, hold on. All right, now I'm really mad. All right, you ready to take a break? All right, we'll be right back after this. Hey everybody Loveline!I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. The beautiful fetching Lisa Loeb in here. And let me tell you, I like, that's my type, that Lisa Loeb.

39:30 Drew Oh, yeah.

39:31 Adam Yeah, I don't like those big Pam Anderson types, believe it or not. Most people would think, well, that's what you want, but I don't need the female female impersonator, which is, Drew put his, I think he put the nail on the head there when he said, hit the nail on the head when he said that Pam Anderson was a female female impersonator. I don't like a chick looks like she'd bite a piece your penis off, I like the sweet ones.

39:54 Drew Yeah.

39:55 Adam Lisa Lowe, buddy. Tomorrow night, we will move forward. I got to talk about my dual idea too.

40:02 Drew Yeah.

40:03 Adam Melissa?

40:04 Caller Hey.

40:05 Adam You're 26?

40:06 Caller Yeah.

40:07 Adam You're a prostitute?

40:08 Caller Yeah, here in San Francisco.

40:10 Adam All right. Thank God.

40:11 Drew Who is it? Who is it?

40:12 Adam Well, 80%. Yeah, what's going on?

40:16 Caller Well, I've been with my boyfriend for three years.

40:19 Caller He's a parent.

40:20 Caller I'm a prostitute. When I first got with him, we moved out of California to Las Vegas to be away because he didn't want his friends to know that we had a relationship. And I became pregnant. I was pregnant two times. I had abortions. He has kids. He took care of me the whole time.

40:37 Caller I couldn't work.

40:38 Caller So, I mean, we have a really, you know, besides what I do and what he does.

40:42 Adam Yeah, if you get an abortion in your prostitute, it's like a pianist breaking their hand. You know what I mean? Like, hey, you're out of commission for a little while.

40:52 Caller Yeah, for a long while.

40:54 Adam You can get a long disability there. And what do they do when you get an abortion? Like, doctors stay off the vagina?

41:01 Caller Two weeks.

41:03 Drew Called pelvic rest.

41:05 Adam Really?

41:05 Caller Pregnant two times in like six months. So, I couldn't work for like months.

41:10 Drew You were pregnant with one of his kids?

41:12 Caller Yeah, two.

41:13 Adam Two.

41:14 Drew Why aren't you guys using birth control?

41:17 Caller We did use birth control, but you know, we have freaky events where, you know, things are out of hand.

41:23 Adam This guy sounds like a great guy. He's got a couple of kids. He's still knocking you up. As long as he's learned his lesson about that. By the way, we're just, we're fine. I know the ACLU won't have it any other way than just stupid guys polluting the planet with screwed up kids that we can pay for, by the way.

41:37 Drew Think about how she thinks this, though. Well, when I was, when I was off, when I was off the pelvis for two weeks, he fed me. He took care of me for those two weeks.

41:45 Adam Yeah, he came out and slapped you, like this took these scraps off his plate.

41:49 Caller Wow.

41:49 Adam Pork chop bone. All right, wow, this is horrible. Okay, so now what's going on?

41:56 Caller So now basically I just moved into a new apartment by myself.

42:03 Caller He's staying at his apartment.

42:05 Caller I'm like wondering what's going on. I mean, he like, you know, buys me gifts and.

42:10 Adam All right, all right. Well, let me let me, by the way, I always just thought that was almost just a. I thought it was something that was just done in movies that like he bought me a coat. So he's my bought me a necklace. Like, so I'm his girlfriend. He buys me nice things. I mean, I know maybe I sound naive, but I just thought that was one of those things they did in B movies, you know. I didn't know you could actually buy someone a coat and some cool lots and they'd stay with you for a year.

42:41 Caller That's not the reason I'm staying with him.

42:44 Adam Why is it? Cause he fed you?

42:46 Caller We have a good relationship. We don't fight. He treats me nice. He buys me things.

42:51 Drew But again, he buys me things.

42:52 Adam Pimp with the heartache.

42:53 Drew That's what he's saying, Melissa. Just buying you things means that's all it's count?

42:57 Caller I mean, he takes care of me a lot.

43:02 Adam Hey, Melissa. Well, let me ask a few questions. How much do you get paid for and for what? What do you do?

43:11 Caller For one appointment between 800 and 1, 000. What do I do?

43:15 Caller That's a high class hooker.

43:17 Drew Is that what they call that?

43:18 Adam Yeah, between 800 and 1, 000 for one session.

43:21 Caller Yeah.

43:22 Adam How long does the session last?

43:24 Caller Well, I mean, you pay by the hour, but I mean, I'm through within like 10, 15 minutes.

43:29 Adam Now, is it like parking? Do they round up? You know what I mean? I mean, like if I can keep it to 56, 57 minutes or according-

43:38 Drew Or 56 seconds, maybe in your case.

43:40 Adam No, no, but the hour's gonna cost you. No matter what. It's like when the plumber comes out to clear your drain. Yeah, there's a minimum.

43:47 Caller Yeah, I don't give deals.

43:49 Adam Yeah, but here's what I'm saying. If you came over to the studio, for instance, it would be between 800 and 1, 000 for the first hour.

43:56 Caller For each person.

44:00 Adam For each person, for Drew Ann, well, you got to give a discount for Chris.

44:03 Caller I don't give discounts.

44:04 Adam The guy makes 10 bucks an hour, cut him a break. Plus, he'll give you some swag, like a KROQ backpack and like a sports bottle.

44:13 Caller And some stickers.

44:13 Adam Yeah, throw a little something at Rodney, still trying to get into the studio up the hall. So 800 and 1, 000 bucks for each person for the first hour. But what if you were staying a couple hours?

44:26 Caller Even if I'm staying a couple hours, I can have it wrapped up within 30 minutes.

44:30 Caller All right, hold on.

44:33 Adam Let's really just think about that last statement. Even if I'm staying a couple hours, I can have it wrapped up in 30 minutes. Does anyone know what that means? It means the guy will have an orgasm inside of 30 minutes.

44:50 Drew It means her work is done in 30 minutes, I guess, even though she stays too long.

44:54 Caller Yeah.

44:54 Adam I'm just wanting to know if you're charging 800 bucks an hour if you stayed a couple hours. If I wanted you for a couple hours, how much?

45:02 Caller How many hours?

45:03 Caller Two hours would be 16.

45:06 Drew She answered it.

45:07 Caller So don't go back.

45:07 Adam It took an hour, ironically, to get to that. It cost me 800 bucks to get to that part.

45:12 Drew Now, if it goes an hour and 20 minutes, is that two hours?

45:16 Caller Yeah.

45:17 Drew Okay. Anything over an hour?

45:18 Caller I would stay longer than an hour.

45:20 Adam All right, baby doll. And are you good looking? All right. And how many guys do you see in an evening?

45:30 Caller Well, I don't work as much as I used to, so I only do like two appointments a day.

45:36 Adam And is that every day or five days a week?

45:38 Caller Well, I work every day, but Sunday.

45:41 It's like the Lord's Day.

45:42 Adam Yeah, it's People's Sabbath. So you're basically making, let's just say 10 grand a week. Are you making that much? Easy. Easy.

45:54 Caller Easy.

45:55 Adam So more than 10, 000 on an average week.

45:58 Caller Yeah.

45:59 Adam And how much of that money do you give to him?

46:02 Caller Well, see, he has his own thing. He has other girls. I don't give him my money.

46:07 Drew No money for him.

46:08 Caller That's why I say my boyfriend. He's a pimp. I'm a prostitute, but we have her.

46:11 Drew He's not.

46:12 Adam It's not your pimp.

46:13 Drew Do you have regular customers?

46:15 Caller Oh, yeah.

46:17 Adam And wild. And what do you do? What do they pay you in cash?

46:20 Caller Yeah.

46:22 Drew No. Oh, Adam. No taxes.

46:25 Adam And so let me just get this straight and please be honest with me. You're saying that you are taking home over ten thousand dollars a week on average in cash every week. I don't believe you. Why do you need him to get you presents?

46:44 Caller I don't need him to, but it's a nice gesture.

46:47 Adam And you kept bringing up him getting you gifts. I mean, for someone who's got twelve grand in cash and they're clammy little lean press on nail hands.

46:57 Caller I mean, the things he buys me are super expensive. I mean, it's really the thought that counts. I'm just saying you take care of, you know.

47:02 Drew We got to take a break.

47:03 Adam What kind of car do you drive?

47:05 Drew Cheap.

47:06 Adam What kind of car do you drive?

47:08 Caller Cadillac.

47:11 Adam I mean anything. So hold on a second, baby. I got more talking to. And if I'm going to be a prostitute, that's what I'm going to be. High class.

47:22 Drew Yeah.

47:24 Caller Yeah.

47:24 Drew Be literally a millionaire.

47:25 Adam Yeah. Take a quick break. We'll be right back.

47:29 Drew Bottom line.

47:31 Sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

47:35 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:37 Caller 877-889-DATE.

47:41 Caller You're listening to Live 105.

47:43 Caller Live 105.

48:14 Adam Tell you what, Lisa Loeb in Studio Tomorrow Night, hot, hot, hot, that may have been her just playing in the background. I think that was Lisa Loeb, yeah. Yeah, turn it up. You in the lobe at all? Yeah, that's her. I know her licks. That's a power lick. Yeah, it's either Loeb or Dio, yeah, whoo, yeah. Weather and sports coming up out of the ire. I'll drop trowel, Drew, I'll do it, I'll do it.

48:43 Drew Chris, he will drop trowel. Watch out, don't touch him, he will do it.

48:46 Caller Don't make me drop trowel.

48:48 Adam Yeah, I'll drop trowel, I'll tell you. I can tell you how I drop trowel, but I have to kill you. I mean, literally. 31, 31 after 8, 29, away from the top of the ire, traveling the weather, coming up, look out for brake lights, look out for the badgers in lanes, all weather traffic coming up, driving the weather, coming up, driving the weather, coming up, then you die. That's going to be the name of my book.

49:19 Drew Traveling the weather, then you die?

49:22 Adam Traffic and weather at the top of the hour, at the top of the hour, at the top of the hour, and then you die. That's basically life, just sitting around for the top of the hour. Trouble in the Middle East. Hold on, let me get my scratch pad. What was that he said? Trouble. Something is broken out in that garden, that garden part of the world. I can't believe there's trouble in the Middle East. Trouble in the Middle East. Shocking. Unbelievable. Can't be the people. Cannot be the people. Must be the soil. Soil? It can't be the people. It's got to be the air.

50:05 Drew No, it's got to be the history of colonial domination.

50:10 Adam That's right, demand. I forgot about demand. Yeah, we imposed that. That's right. Bill? Yeah. 19, trouble in the Middle East.

50:18 Oh, yeah.

50:19 Adam Traffic weather coming up top of the hour.

50:20 71 degrees.

50:22 Adam That's right. 71, coming in and blah, blah, blah. What's up there, buddy boy? You have a one-inch penis?

50:29 When it's small, yeah.

50:31 Adam When it's limp, when it gets a wreck, what's it go to?

50:34 About four.

50:39 Adam Remember those chicks? God, did I hate them. I don't even remember their names anymore. Those twins.

50:45 Drew What were they doing here?

50:46 Adam I don't know, but I was yelling at them to get out of the studio.

50:48 Caller Do you remember that?

50:50 Drew They dated the Hansons or something?

50:52 Adam Yeah, they were guests on the show and they were so goddamn obnoxious. I was actually yelling at them to leave at a certain point. All right. So one-inch penis. It says you're 5'9", you're 2'30".

51:03 Caller Yeah, I've been going to the gym and working out and getting in shape so I can join the Navy. But I've dropped 13 pounds in the last month.

51:11 Adam That's good. What do you eat? Because we talked a lot of people who, even with all the diet and all that Atkins stuff and stuff, and it's like, you're on a diet? Oh yeah, what do you eat? Oh, I'm eating right. Get up every morning, have myself a big bowl of oatmeal and a couple of bowls of special cane, half a sack of toast and a baguette. And then I eat...

51:34 Peanut butter and...

51:36 Adam Well, actually I take the peanut butter and I roll it in two scoops of white flour. I wash it down with some Ovaltine and then half a grapefruit, I'm on the road. You know, and it's like... Yeah, that ain't that...

51:49 Drew Bill?

51:49 Caller Yeah?

51:50 Adam What are you eating? Let's go through your diet.

51:52 Drew By the way, before you continue, I was in Cincinnati, middle of the country, and I was invited to come have a dinner with some of the kids at the school. So the school presented the meal.

52:00 Adam Mm-hmm. Casserole?

52:02 Drew It might as well have been. It was...

52:03 Adam Miracle Whip and egg noodles.

52:05 Drew Large, large sort of macaroni noodles, plate filled with them, in a heavy cream, mayonnaise-based sauce, with a couple sprigs of cooked spinach on top, and then goat cheese, just big hunks of goat cheese on top.

52:21 Adam What do people think?

52:21 Drew It was like fettuccine alfredo with goat cheese and that little green, little green, I think. Yeah. It was like, oh, my God, and then a huge piece of cake. I thought, I can't eat this.

52:32 Adam Bill?

52:33 Caller Yeah.

52:34 Adam I've seen you eat worse. What do you mean? You go to the vending machine and get a thing of those miniature hostess donuts twice a week. What are you talking about?

52:40 Drew Donuts don't count.

52:41 Adam Bill? Let's talk about your diet. What do you eat for breakfast?

52:47 Caller None. I don't get up early enough to have breakfast.

52:50 Adam Smart.

52:51 Drew What's the first thing you eat in the day?

52:54 Adam By the way, whatever you eat first is your breakfast. I don't care if it's four in the afternoon.

53:01 Drew Bill? What's the first thing you eat in the day?

53:06 Adam I just love on this show that it takes 20 minutes to figure out what the person eats after they wake up. Huh? No, I don't. Mm-mm. Well, I wake up about 8.45 in the evening and eat chili. All right. I eat chili and a baked potato at 8.45 and then eat lunch at 11.30 in the evening and then eat dinner about 4 a.m. Bill, what time do you go to bed at night?

53:36 Caller About 2 o'clock in the morning.

53:38 Adam 2 in the morning. What time do you get up in the morning?

53:42 Caller About 1 o'clock.

53:44 Drew In the afternoon, you sleep 11 hours a night? That's not going to work in the Navy.

53:49 Adam No, you got to be up by noon in the Navy.

53:51 Caller Oh, yeah.

53:52 Adam You ever hear that thing? They get more done by 1230 than you or something like that. I remember, by the way, I remember seeing that ad campaign came out right when I was like out of high school and cleaning carpets and going nowhere. And I was thinking, well, I'll join like the Coast Guard Reserve or the Navy or the Army or something like we get more done by 6 a.m. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. Did you say 6 a.m.?

54:15 Drew Yeah.

54:16 Adam My first impulse was, what are we doing, pulling all-nighters? What? You get up at 5? Are you high? No, no.

54:24 Drew I never do. All right.

54:25 Adam So, Bill, you get up at 1. That means you're depressed.

54:28 Caller A little bit.

54:30 Adam All right. All right, buddy. What's going on? You still living at home?

54:33 Caller I don't know. I'm out.

54:35 Adam You're out. How are you supporting yourself?

54:37 Caller I got some roommates and just working at a little Cedars.

54:43 Adam You're delivering?

54:44 Caller I'm an assistant manager.

54:45 Adam Assistant manager. All right. I'm going to motivate your brother. It wasn't so long ago I was 19 and not so gainfully employed and had a bunch of roommates.

54:55 Drew We've got to get his weight down about 40 or 50 pounds. That will help the penis.

54:58 Adam Yeah.

54:59 Drew With all the extra fat, your estrogen levels go way up. Right.

55:03 Caller I'm taking estrogen blockers right now, actually.

55:05 Drew Yeah. Well, it's not over the counter. Anything isn't going to happen.

55:08 Adam Are you getting that from the back of the porn mag or where do you get those?

55:13 Caller One of my roommates is a pharmaceutical representative or something like that, and he has a whole bunch of those kind of drugs.

55:20 Drew You're taking tamoxifen?

55:21 Caller I have no idea what it is. It's in Spanish.

55:24 Drew Why would you do that?

55:28 Caller He told me it would help.

55:29 Adam Listen.

55:30 Caller With my chest area and all that stuff, too.

55:33 Adam Okay, listen. You should take no medication that's listed in Spanish.

55:37 Drew Your roommate should be arrested. He's practicing medicine without a license.

55:41 Adam Yeah. You should barely be eating Mexican food. Forget about eating Mexican pharmaceuticals.

55:47 Caller Well, no.

55:47 Caller It was his medication. He used to use it a lot. And then he just didn't eat it anymore and gave it to the guy.

55:52 Drew Was he on steroids?

55:54 Caller He just quit like a month ago.

55:57 Drew Well, he's taking estrogen blockers because when you're on steroids, you produce extremely high levels of estrogen. You've got to come after you. Do not take that medicine, Bill. Jesus Christ.

56:07 Caller All right.

56:07 Adam Listen. Listen, Noneskull. Listen to me.

56:10 Oh, my God.

56:13 Adam I'm a genius, and you're in Phoenix, and you're a junior manager at a Caesars.

56:18 Caller Yeah.

56:19 Adam Listen to me. I'm literally a millionaire.

56:21 Drew He's a carpet cleaner. Listen to him.

56:24 Adam Please. First off, quit taking those pills. Secondly, you're going to wake up, and this guy's going to be beating you with a fireplace poker because he's going to be in some sort of roid rage. You've got to lock your door at night when you sleep.

56:36 Drew By the way, did you do roids?

56:38 Caller No.

56:39 Adam Okay. None of that. No easy, no easy, no shortcuts. No easy ways out. You understand? All right. Stay away from the cheesy breadsticks over at the Little Caesars. Stay away from anything they serve there.

56:50 Caller I'll fire that ______ anyway.

56:52 Adam Ooh, got to watch the S-word, Bill. Bill's a guy who means well, but he's a 40-watt bulb at best. He's got plans. There's nothing worse than stupid guys with plans.

57:05 Drew That's usually Pop. He's not Pop. That's usually that guy.

57:10 Adam When you're dumb, your plan should be to listen to smart people, not have your own plan. That's your plan. You know what your plan is?

57:16 Drew Listen to smart people.

57:17 Adam Other people's plans. That are by nature going to be better than yours.

57:22 Drew The Navy is a great place for them to go, then.

57:24 Adam Perfect plan. Bill? I like you, buddy. No more swearing on the air, and let me turn your life around.

57:33 Drew Here we go.

57:36 Adam Stop getting up at 1 o'clock. You're depressed. I go to bed at 2. I get up at 9. You can do it. Set your alarm. Get up in the morning. Get up and do some exercise.

57:47 Caller I do. I go to the gym every day.

57:48 Adam At 9 o'clock. Get up in the morning and go to the gym. You understand? What time do you have to be in at work? 3 o'clock.

58:00 Drew You need a day before you go to work.

58:02 Adam Right? You need to get up and do something. Do some exercise. Don't eat any of that little Caesar stuff.

58:07 Drew To get some mixed nuts and you eat nuts for snacks. Don't eat anything with bread.

58:11 Adam That's right. And then just go join the Navy.

58:14 Drew Yogurt for breakfast.

58:15 Adam I don't care if you're Husky. They'll take you.

58:18 Drew I'll break it down.

58:19 Adam All right. All right, buddy. Come on now.

58:22 Caller All right.

58:24 Adam Well, it's like, I don't know. Oh, look, not everyone's going to be, you know, managing a Fortune 500 company.

58:33 Drew It's fine.

58:34 Adam Just don't kill anybody.

58:35 Drew Bill can do better.

58:36 Adam Yeah, but Bill's depressed. And I hate that. And depression is, the longer you sleep, the more you want to sleep, the more tired you are, the harder it is. It's just, you get in this horrible spiral. All right. Let's talk to Mitch. I don't believe we've spoken to Mitch in like three years.

58:52 Caller Mitch?

58:54 Adam 17?

58:55 Caller Yeah.

58:56 Adam What's up?

58:58 Caller Me and my girlfriend are talking about maybe having anal sex. And I was wondering what could happen as a result of that.

59:07 Drew How long have you been with your girlfriend?

59:09 Caller Yeah.

59:09 Drew How long have you been with your girlfriend?

59:11 Caller About a year.

59:14 Drew Yeah. And how long have you been having sex with her?

59:18 Caller Six months.

59:19 Adam What's her birth date?

59:21 Caller Um, November 21st.

59:24 Drew What's your birth date?

59:26 Caller Um, May 2nd of 87.

59:31 Adam What year was she born?

59:33 Caller Of 87 too.

59:37 Adam People are born in 87 talking about cornhole.

59:41 Drew What were you doing in 87?

59:43 Adam Thinking about cornhole. I'm still talking about it. It's been a long 16 years.

59:50 Drew Mitch is contemplating. It's different than thinking about it and contemplating.

59:54 Adam It's just something I never got around to. Sure, I've been cornhole, but I want to be on the business end of the penis. Hey, Mitch? Did your girlfriend want to do this?

1:00:08 Caller Um, haven't really decided yet.

1:00:14 Drew Have you brought this up with her yet? And what does she say when you bring it up?

1:00:20 Caller says if I want to try it once then she's for it, but I thought you said that you weren't decided. Yeah.

1:00:31 Caller I can't talk to Mitchie.

1:00:35 Adam You asked me a question, Drew.

1:00:37 Drew Have you talked to your girlfriend about this?

1:00:55 Other than the endless brawl. It doesn't sound like Mitch without first going ah.

1:01:15 Adam Just start sounding like one big noise to me now. So how long have you been doing? How much do you weigh, sweetie? Are you using contraception right now? When did your dad start my life? It just sounds like me. It's just white noise. I went to the sharper image, I got a machine that sounds like a teenager, she can't form sentences, it helps me go to sleep.

1:01:44 Drew It's a little bit of a sort of a Buddhist.

1:01:50 Adam Yo, yo. All right, he wants to have anal with his girl.

1:02:04 Drew It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous at 17.

1:02:06 Adam Mitch.

1:02:07 Caller Yeah?

1:02:08 Adam Leave her alone.

1:02:09 Caller Okay.

1:02:09 Adam Leave her ass alone. You're fine. You're 17. You're lucky you're getting laid. And I'm not even sure if I believe this call.

1:02:15 Drew No, of course not. But if there are others contemplating, it's ridiculous.

1:02:18 Adam Plus, you're calling from Utah. If you got busted doing this, you'll be stoned to death. Hey, Mitch, you think about going to college?

1:02:29 Caller Um, yeah.

1:02:31 Adam All right, buddy.

1:02:32 Drew Where are you going to go?

1:02:36 Caller Junior college down here.

1:02:38 Adam Junior?

1:02:39 Caller Yeah.

1:02:39 Adam Oh, buddy, forget about it. What are you good at?

1:02:43 Caller Auto mechanics.

1:02:44 Adam All right. Let's focus on that.

1:02:46 Caller OK.

1:02:47 Adam Don't waste your time. Don't waste your time. You go to trade school, right?

1:02:50 Caller Yeah.

1:02:51 Adam What kind of cars you work on?

1:02:53 Caller Um, I've got a 69 Chevy truck.

1:02:56 Caller Oh, you do?

1:02:58 Adam That's perfect. What do you got in there? 350?

1:03:01 Caller Yep.

1:03:02 Adam All right, buddy. Got a Holley 750 four-barrel on there? Yep. All right. Just checking. Four-barrel. I can see he's impressed, by the way. You know, I've never checked your ride out.

1:03:15 Drew Four-barrel, I think.

1:03:19 Adam Mitch?

1:03:20 Caller Yeah.

1:03:21 Adam You got a Chevy 350 small block, right?

1:03:24 Caller Yep.

1:03:25 Adam You have a Holley 750 four-barrel carburetor? You do?

1:03:33 Drew Ask him something about it.

1:03:37 Adam Mitch?

1:03:38 Caller Yeah.

1:03:39 Adam Do you have the Holley 750?

1:03:41 Caller Yeah.

1:03:42 Adam You do?

1:03:43 Caller Yeah.

1:03:44 Drew What's the 750 referred to?

1:03:47 Caller Um, I'm trying to think.

1:03:50 Caller Um.

1:04:01 Adam All right. I do believe you have it, though.

1:04:03 Caller Yeah.

1:04:04 Adam Yeah. You don't think it's interesting that I know the size of the engine in your random Chevy truck and the carburetor? Yeah. Okay. Let's, let's sync it up.

1:04:18 Drew I'd love to blame that on Pac, but I can't.

1:04:28 Caller All right.

1:04:28 Adam Someone's got to sample that.

1:04:30 Drew Here we go.

1:04:31 Here we go.

1:04:31 Caller Break it down. Break it down.

1:04:32 Caller Let's go.

1:04:32 Drew Come on.

1:04:33 Adam You know.

1:04:33 Drew Bring dueling back. Bring dueling back.

1:04:35 Adam I know. I know. It just sounds like I'm blowing my own smoke up my own took eye here. But one of the things that I find most interesting about this show is when I guess very specific things about a person's life.

1:04:45 Caller I was like, uh-huh.

1:04:48 Drew Well, he was so unimpressed, I thought he was lying.

1:04:50 Adam No.

1:04:51 Drew That's because I was thinking maybe it was a two barrel carburet or something.

1:04:53 Adam No. Listen, it would probably be a Holley. It would probably be somewhere around that size. It would probably have a 350. But Chevy makes many different kinds of engines. I have no idea what's in there. God forbid anyone who listens to the show or calls in goes, hey, yeah, what do you know? That's something. How did you know that?

1:05:13 Drew The classic was the one where the girl was talking about her boyfriend. Adam goes, where does he work? Is he working at a batting cage? She goes, yeah, batting cage on Congress Street. So anyway, we're like, huh.

1:05:24 Adam I guess her boyfriend worked at a batting cage. It was not impressive. Now, here's the thing. Let me tell you something about being stupid. Then I'm going to stop picking on everyone who calls the show.

1:05:34 Caller Go bright.

1:05:35 Adam All right. I'm not. But here's the thing. When your kid comes home and starts talking to you about people who are in his class, he doesn't say, this is my friend from class, John. He just goes, you know what John says? John says, and he expects you to know who John is.

1:05:53 Drew The whole world revolves around him.

1:05:55 Adam Of course you would know who John is. He knows who John is. He's seven.

1:05:59 Caller Yes.

1:06:00 Adam At a certain point in life, you start realizing that you have to say stuff like, a guy who's in my class named John thinks this. But when you're seven, you say that. We have that same mentality of people calling it 17.

1:06:14 Drew Interestingly enough, it's people with actually quite low self-esteem that tend to get into that mode of thinking. As I've pointed out to you before, we call that a piece of S around which the whole world revolves. That's the way they start to think of themselves.

1:06:28 Adam All right. Mitch needs to stay away from junior college. He needs to focus on tech school and work on them cars.

1:06:35 Drew And maybe some auctioneering in the future. I think that might be good.

1:06:39 Adam That's a great option.

1:06:41 Drew Working for Sotheby's or something. That'll be a lot 6, 6, 6. Mitch, here we go. First bidder is $1 million.

1:06:52 Adam Mitch, this is Monet's at Givernay, Water Lily. Now three, now three.

1:07:03 Caller Oh, here we go.

1:07:06 Drew Katie, break it down.

1:07:11 Adam You're 17? What's happening, baby doll? Here we go. Taking needs.

1:07:18 Drew By the way, we lost Melissa, the prostitute. We were going to finish talking to her.

1:07:21 Adam That's right.

1:07:22 Drew And Adam, interestingly, didn't.

1:07:24 Adam Yeah. I didn't really believe her, but I believe some of her. What's up, Katie?

1:07:30 Caller Okay. I have a vibrating dildo.

1:07:35 Adam By the way, a dildo, hold on. A dildo that vibrates is just called a vibrator, I think.

1:07:40 Caller Oh, really?

1:07:41 Adam I think.

1:07:42 Caller Whenever I look online or anything, because I was interested in it, it always said vibrating dildo.

1:07:48 Drew All right.

1:07:50 Caller All right.

1:07:51 Adam Go ahead. It's a big man to admit when he's wrong, and I admit it.

1:07:54 Drew About a vibrating dildo, especially.

1:07:56 Caller I use it a lot.

1:07:58 Caller I think that I master me more than you, Adam.

1:08:01 Drew No way.

1:08:02 Caller Yeah, way.

1:08:03 Adam Really? What are you good for a day?

1:08:05 Caller What was that?

1:08:06 Adam What are you good for each day? A lot.

1:08:11 Caller I don't really want to say, but.

1:08:13 Drew Why?

1:08:14 Caller It's up in the 20s.

1:08:19 Drew 20 times a day? Not 20 orgasms, but 20 sessions a day?

1:08:24 Caller Yeah, kind of. They're just like little like, I don't know, I don't really want to get into it.

1:08:30 Adam Yeah, that's obvious. Come right out of the gate with the vibrating dilla talk, but you're too demure to bring up how often you masturbate.

1:08:41 Drew What's the question?

1:08:42 Caller I don't clean it like they say you're supposed to with the alcohol and stuff.

1:08:47 Adam Well, you're supposed to keep it in that blue barber stuff right next to the combs.

1:08:52 Caller Oh. And like just the other day, like when I started to go to the bathroom, it burns.

1:09:02 Drew You've given yourself a urinary tract infection.

1:09:04 Adam Yeah.

1:09:06 Drew Yes.

1:09:08 Caller So it's not like an STD or anything?

1:09:10 Drew Did you share it with somebody else?

1:09:13 Caller No, it's just mine.

1:09:14 Drew Are you having sex with somebody?

1:09:17 Caller No.

1:09:18 Drew How can you get a sexually transmitted?

1:09:21 Adam Yeah. Well, people just think they can get a sexually transmitted disease from deviant type behavior.

1:09:26 Caller I see.

1:09:26 Drew Is that right?

1:09:28 Caller I don't know.

1:09:29 Adam No, they do. They do. I think people think that if they...

1:09:32 Drew The STD is some sort of punishment. STD is a punishment for out of line behavior.

1:09:36 Adam Well, it's like they think they can get an STD from their boyfriend even if their boyfriend has never had... doesn't have an STD because they're not wearing a condom.

1:09:46 Caller Right, right.

1:09:46 Adam You know what I mean? We've beaten into everyone's head. You've got to wear a condom. You're going to get an STD. You're going to get HIV. Well, yeah, if the other person has something to protect you from...

1:09:56 Drew That you need to be protected from.

1:09:57 Adam Need to be protected from, right. Katie?

1:10:01 Caller Yes?

1:10:01 Adam Why, are you a big gal?

1:10:04 Caller No.

1:10:05 Adam No?

1:10:05 Caller I'm kind of in the middle there.

1:10:08 Adam Oh, oh. That means... How tall are you?

1:10:11 Caller I am almost six foot, I think. Last time I checked, I was five, eleven and a half.

1:10:17 Caller How, how, whoa.

1:10:18 Adam How much you weigh?

1:10:20 Caller I weigh 200.

1:10:22 Adam All right. That's, you know, it's not what we call petite.

1:10:28 Caller Yeah.

1:10:28 Adam But that's a lumberjack stack there, my friends. That's a lumberjack stack and a side of Canadian bacon. But.

1:10:38 Drew My friends.

1:10:39 Adam And my friends. But it's six foot, you know.

1:10:42 Drew Could carry that off.

1:10:43 Caller Yeah.

1:10:43 Adam Pull that off. All right. Maybe, though, maybe it probably could go down a couple pounds.

1:10:50 Caller You eating right?

1:10:51 Caller Yeah.

1:10:52 Adam The exercise beside the vibrating. Are you depressed? It seems like you're just compulsively.

1:10:57 Drew Are you sex addicted? Were you sexually abused growing up?

1:11:00 Caller No, actually I'm Mormon. So I wasn't sexually abused or anything. And I don't know. I'm just I think I'm addicted to it kind of.

1:11:10 Drew Well, but you.

1:11:11 Caller I mean, it's I don't know. It's not really.

1:11:15 Drew You don't like it.

1:11:18 Caller I like it.

1:11:18 Drew I mean, you like it, but it bothers you that you're so dependent upon it.

1:11:22 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:11:25 Drew That's kind of in the at least in the sexually compulsive realm. All right.

1:11:29 Adam I don't look. Why don't you challenge yourself by only masturbating eight times a day? I don't know what to say to here.

1:11:38 Drew Here's what I think. She may either be managing affect, meaning to say she may be depressed and sort of man.

1:11:43 Adam Yes, I think so.

1:11:44 Drew So sex becomes kind of like a drug for her. Or she had some form of of trauma, let's call it, that she really isn't aware of, that she never doesn't consider it. But may have sort of affected her wiring a little bit and stirred some of this up.

1:11:58 Adam Yeah, maybe just being, maybe being Mormonist.

1:12:01 Drew Well, and I will tell you what, the people of the original, related to the original settlers in Mormon, have a very high incidence of the biology of alcoholism and addiction. And so as such, she may have that gene going, you know.

1:12:15 Adam She puts down that vibrator, she can pick up a bottle.

1:12:17 Drew Well, or at least, you know, potentially she could have that gene going.

1:12:20 Adam So, just watch out for her. We'll take ourselves a quick break. Get back, we got to talk about dueling.

1:12:28 Drew Yeah, we got to.

1:12:28 Adam After this.

1:12:30 Caller Hello, this is your radio.

1:12:35 Caller Loveline is brought to you by the September Playboy on sale now. It features the college pigskin preview, 20 questions with Terrell Owens, and the women of the Olympics in a sizzling pictorial. Good luck getting around to the football.

1:13:19 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LLVE-191, Lisa Loeb, the beautiful Lisa Loeb, the cute and spunky Lisa Loeb in Tomorrow Night. Is this another Christy? She was on earlier.

1:13:37 Drew Dueling.

1:13:37 Adam Cut off. Oh, yeah. Here's what I want to say. I had this idea today. This whole thing about this country, I'm really realizing, and it's sort of come home to roost for me during this presidential run at the presidency. And Kerry keeps talking about his service in Vietnam. And then the Swift Boats operators and veterans committee is saying, is coming out against him. And everyone argues back and forth. And there's some sort of accusation that he didn't deserve those three purple hearts. And then he wants an apology. And then Bush wants an explanation. And it's just a war of words. It's really, it's like watching a messy divorce. It's just this guy's attorney say this and she's entitled to that. But he wants the kids, but she wants the dog. All I'm saying is, in the old days, they would shut their pie hole and just have a duel. Now it's just a bunch of publicists and pussy attorneys. And everyone's just making allegations.

1:14:43 Drew Imagine the day of Andrew Jackson, the colonel.

1:14:45 Adam They would just go out in the street and pace it off.

1:14:48 Drew He'd be insane.

1:14:49 Adam Here's the other thing too. You wouldn't open your pie hole unless you were prepared to duel with another guy. You don't insult people. You don't call guys liars. You don't make fun of their wives. You don't start bringing up their military records. You start bringing up their, well, let's just say, indiscretions with other women and all that kind of stuff. You just wouldn't bring it up. And if you did, it'd be dueling time.

1:15:13 Drew Well, you'd expect a duel, and you'd expect to substantiate your claims.

1:15:17 Adam Right. Now it's just you just float a bunch of innuendos and false allegations on both sides. I'm not taking sides here. I'm sure Kerry's full of crap, and I'm not sure how he got three purple hearts and never did any time in the hospital. Got three purple hearts in like 10 minutes and never actually spent the night in the hospital. Bush is basically getting a bunch of guys to attack him and then saying he has nothing to do with those guys. They both just seem like idiots. Is there any sane person in this country that likes either one of these morons? And no one just sits around and goes, they're spending $75 million on this? It's just, it's such nonsense. And really, just duel it out. And whichever one of you was immortally wounded or killed, well, we'll just take you.

1:16:04 Drew I love the headline. Kerry challenges Bush to a duel.

1:16:07 Adam It'd be great and everyone could just shut their fat pie holes and stop having these expensive attorneys just get in the middle of everything. And then they have the convention and it's a cavalcade of blowhards getting up there with their sort of well-worn isms and their trite platitudes. Please, let somebody do something. Just go duel it out. I'd like to see that. And that would be, that would be, everyone would do that. You just, you got a beef, you duel. I'd be dueling eight, 10 times a week. Except for I would move my duel's first son, Nana, and move the duel back to noonish, ish. I would be like, sir, I'll see you at the, I'll see you on the street between noon and 2 p.m. ish. After I've even-

1:16:57 Drew Have your seconds call mine.

1:16:58 Adam Yes, have your seconds call my third. Here, and then I would have Chris, who would be my squire, hit him with the white glove.

1:17:06 Drew Oh yeah, of course.

1:17:07 Adam Although Chris probably screw up and whack me with it.

1:17:09 Caller Yeah.

1:17:10 Adam Yes. Sir, you've insulted me. Chris, hit him with the white glove. You swap him with the white glove and then you just duel it out. That's what we need. Because ever since the duel went away, everyone started dueling with their mouth and everyone's just yakking back and forth. And the news has just turned into one big yak fest. Just everyone saying, you know, Bush is this, and the economy's going great and Kerry's gonna get America back on its feet. What happened? I don't know. The economy's bad. No, it's not. It's great. We've created more new jobs. No, we're spiraling down. What is it? What's going on? Kerry's for the war, supports the troops, but he doesn't believe in going to war. And by the way, do we even know Kerry other than he just seems like a guy who's not Bush? Like you don't like Bush, you vote for Kerry. You don't vote for Kerry because you like him. It's like Bush is, Bush is peanut butter and we're allergic to peanut butter, so we're gonna eat whatever else gets dropped on the tray. That's it.

1:18:07 Caller Baloney.

1:18:08 Adam Yeah, just some baloney. Maybe a little Salisbury steak or a deviled ham. We don't like it really, but at least we're not gonna go into anaphylactic shock. I really get the feeling that 90% of the people that are pro-Kerry are just sort of, they're just against Bush. All right, fine. I mean, I guess it's six of one, half dozen of the other, but it'd be nice to really actually be into somebody. It's like, I'm gonna bang this new chick, not because she's hot, but the old chick's fat, and this one's not, so I'll just take the new one. I'm not into her, but she ain't the other one. The other one's got a venereal disease, and she's 800 pounds. She may be Mormon. All right, it's a good time. It's a great era we're living in. Just everyone just yapping, and I want some dueling. Yeah, and I'm not talking dueling old style, where I come out, I open up the case.

1:19:01 Drew Pearl-handled.

1:19:02 Adam They're the muskets. Yeah.

1:19:04 Caller Pull back.

1:19:04 Adam Pearl-handled. Yes. If the flint goes wrong, and the thing misfires, you got to pack it in yourself. And at the end, we insult everyone by saying, Good day! Good day to you, sir.

1:19:17 Drew And if you fire first and miss, and the second guy shoots into the air, you're a new man. You're forever indebted to him.

1:19:25 Adam That's right. Who can now sing? Christy? All right. You're 18. Now, you called earlier.

1:19:33 Caller Yeah, I got cut off.

1:19:34 Caller I was driving home from work.

1:19:36 Drew This was Christy slash Christine.

1:19:37 Adam Yeah, I got mad at Christy because I called her Christy, and she started to correct me. And then she started with that. Well, some people try to stop correcting people on your name, please. Leave them alone. Okay. They don't care. You should need it.

1:19:50 Drew When they address you, you just go, Uh-huh. Yes.

1:19:53 Adam Call me Alan. Uh-huh. I don't say anything.

1:19:56 Caller Uh-huh. Well, my boyfriend and I, whenever we have sex, when he pushes in really hard, like when he goes deep, it really hurts, like inside my vagina.

1:20:07 Drew Inside your vagina. It's when your pelvis, it hurts.

1:20:09 Caller Really?

1:20:10 Drew Yeah. Into your viscera at that point.

1:20:14 Adam Well, I don't know.

1:20:15 Caller He's not really, you know, like he's average sized.

1:20:18 Caller And I'm not a really petite person.

1:20:20 Caller I'm like average for my height and weight and stuff, so. Yeah. But it just really hurts like when he goes in really deep.

1:20:30 Drew Well, it's A, it's generally supposed to.

1:20:35 Adam Mm-hmm. I'm looking at engineer Chris. I'm preparing myself to be disappointed.

1:20:41 Drew It's supposed to. And if you think, if it's a change for you that somehow the pain is localized or there's something unusual about it, ovarian cysts, tubal infections, endometriosis, there are other things that can be associated with this. So obviously you want to get a pelvic exam and get it checked out. But it's also normal.

1:21:03 Adam Well, there you go.

1:21:04 Caller All right.

1:21:05 Adam And she's got to be hot with that personality.

1:21:07 Drew Passive aggressive.

1:21:08 Caller Uh-huh.

1:21:10 Drew And then she's going to say, well, you told me to say uh-huh when I'm addressed. Come on.

1:21:15 Caller Just what?

1:21:15 Adam What do you mean?

1:21:16 Caller What do you want?

1:21:17 Adam What do you want? Christie?

1:21:19 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:21:21 Adam All right. There we go. All right. So what should she do? Go to the doctor?

1:21:25 Drew How come you haven't been, uh, had a pelvic exam?

1:21:28 Caller Um, I don't know. I just, I haven't gotten in and had one yet.

1:21:32 Drew You've never had one? No. Okay. It's extremely important if you're sexually active. Okay?

1:21:38 Caller Okay. Well, I don't know. I couldn't, I can't really tell my parents.

1:21:43 Drew You don't have to. Whatever has been you and a doctor is completely confidential.

1:21:47 Caller Oh, really?

1:21:50 Adam You could do that.

1:21:51 Caller My dad, he works at the same place I go to, because he's a physical therapist at Kaiser, and I go to Kaiser too, so.

1:21:57 Drew Why don't you just go to Planned Parenthood?

1:22:00 Caller Planned Parenthood?

1:22:01 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:22:03 Drew You live in Pasadena. They got an excellent Planned Parenthood up there on Lake above the freeway.

1:22:07 Caller Does it cost them a lot?

1:22:08 Caller No.

1:22:08 Adam Not at all. Tell you what. Drew's out in the Pasadena area. How about she just puts her vagina up to your mail slot and you shine a pen-light flashlight in there, give it a look, see. Your wife would be cool with that, right?

1:22:19 Caller Of course.

1:22:20 Adam All right. Go to the Planned Parenthood up on Lake. Yeah?

1:22:24 Drew Yeah.

1:22:25 Adam Is Kaiser still working that Kaiser Permanente thing?

1:22:30 Drew Permanente.

1:22:31 Adam Yeah. You're not going anywhere, Pop. That's basically what that's saying.

1:22:35 Drew Permanente situation.

1:22:37 Adam It just sounds, to me, Permanente sounds like Roche Motel. It just sounds like permanent.

1:22:43 Drew You go in, be in.

1:22:44 Adam Patients get in, but they don't come out. Oh, this is Kaiser Permanente. Now, before, when we were Kaiser, you'd come in, you'd get your gallbladder removed, we'd have you out later that day, but this is permanent now. Oh, yeah.

1:22:55 Drew It sounds like a Spanish sort of...

1:22:57 Adam You're coming in, you ain't going nowhere. Yeah, it sounds like one of two things. Either it's permanent, you die there, or we never release you, or B, there's some guy who looks like Antonio Banderas, who actually is a swordsman. He's wearing the boots that go way up past the knee. He's a lover. He's got a rose in his mouth.

1:23:14 Drew You haven't seen Shrek yet. That's what he plays as a cat.

1:23:17 Adam Every time he says something, a flamenco guitar goes... He says like...

1:23:23 Drew You understand, that's the character in Shrek.

1:23:27 Adam It makes sense. Well, that's...

1:23:28 Drew When we come back. Germany or Florida.

1:23:31 Adam Yeah. Oh, we got a big Germany or Florida. And engineer Chris, how are you doing on that internet, buddy? You find me something?

1:23:38 Drew No.

1:23:39 Adam I told him to look up the Holley carburetor sizes. What do you got?

1:23:42 Drew You got that?

1:23:44 Adam All right. Should I get up?

1:23:47 Drew I'll go over there for you so you don't have a reaction, as it were.

1:23:51 Adam I'll tell you what we got to do, engineer Chris. We got to get you a little compact makeup mirror so you can just flash what's on the computer to me so I know not to get up and walk over there. All right, buddy. We'll take a quick break. I'll be right back after this. Let's get back to those phones, help them kiddies. Lisa Loeb in here tomorrow night, dear, dear friend. Eric, it's time to play Germany or Florida. What do you got?

1:24:50 Caller Hey there, Dr. Drew. Hold on, let me check the weather. Palo Alto, checking in at 71 degrees. Boy, I tell you, I was sitting at a three-way stop. Shake your ass. Drew, let me do the radio, Matt. I got four feet, seven and three sixteenth inches. Hold on, Chief Thunderclouds wants to say something. Nah, nah, hey, catch ya in the wanna. Five, three, way back. Go watch for brake lights, latches, and lanes.

1:25:11 Adam Keep going, buddy.

1:25:12 Caller You know, I used to clean carpets, lived with my good son, Deweez. You know, now I'm literally a millionaire. Drew, literally, literally a millionaire. You know, I should have my own garbage man. Blah, blah, blah, blah. And you can see Culver City cops in their right-hand drive Chevettes writing chicken-ass tickets. Blah, blah, blah, I'm not a manpower. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Holocaust. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

1:25:33 Adam That's good.

1:25:33 Caller You know, most people brag about how good they are in the sack. Well, I'll tell you, I'm really good at receiving horror. That's almost not a chair. Oh, I'll tell you, I went to an Armenian Sandro shop to try to get a full waffle. My dad, my dad has no idea what time this show is on. Oh, he's such a huge pussy. Blah, blah, blah, I'm gonna kick him right in the nuts. Crank Anger's on tonight. Everybody check out Crank Anger. Blah, blah, blah, hey Drew, I'll tell you, people just call this show our century. Sorry, do you know what I'm saying? You know, I used to do a little boxing, you know, southpaw, blah, blah, blah. I need some red wine, you know, it's my medicine. He has it all, yes he does. Let me tell you about these pussy politicians. Listen, you do what you're Italian, too. You do what we tell you, that's what we pay you for. Ow, these pussy politicians and their whack-jump, nutball religions, let me tell you. Stiff corp DJs are all the same guys, you know what I'm saying? They got the fanny pack, you got the ponytail, Britney stage five, Britney stage five, blah, blah, blah, blah.

1:26:42 Caller That's it, that's the show.

1:26:44 Adam I think that's about it.

1:26:45 Caller I'm a hairy guy, whoa, whoa, trying to find my ass, trying to find Santa Claus in my mouth, blah, blah, blah. Hang out with Snoo, blah, blah.

1:26:52 Caller Probably your best tattoo, Adam.

1:26:53 Adam I know, it's my A game.

1:26:56 Caller What, what? A little bit of carpentry, Adam, I bet you can't stump me.

1:27:02 Drew Challenge, the gauntlet is down.

1:27:04 Caller You can't stump me, Adam.

1:27:06 Drew All right, hold on, Eric, now calm down.

1:27:08 Caller Here we go.

1:27:10 Drew Hold on, hold on, hold on.

1:27:11 Adam All right, now, here we go. All right, Eric, you're a carpenter.

1:27:16 Caller Adam, I hate to cut you off, but I gotta check traffic, traffic, traffic, and there's water for brake lights. Oh, hold on, we got the weather coming up. Power also checking in at 71 degrees. Culver City coming in at 71 degrees. I'm sorry, Adam, go ahead.

1:27:27 Adam All right, I'm gonna ask you a question about insulation. All right, you have two by six walls, stud walls. What size insulation should you have?

1:27:36 Caller Oh, hold on, I'm sorry, I got a break in here with the weather. Power also checking in at 71 degrees. Culver City, 71.

1:27:45 Adam You gotta answer the question or I'm gonna hang up on you.

1:27:48 Caller All right, hey, do you want this German here, Florida?

1:27:49 Adam All right, but are you a carpenter?

1:27:53 Drew Here we go, Germany or Florida?

1:27:54 Adam Hey, hold on, by the way.

1:27:55 Drew Yeah, well done, well done.

1:27:56 Adam Nice work, Eric. You covered every base.

1:27:59 Caller That's it, that's it.

1:28:01 Adam That's the show.

1:28:02 Drew I think that's Adam, that's it.

1:28:03 Adam Well, with the exception, ironically, of Germany or Florida.

1:28:07 Caller That's coming, that's coming if you still want it.

1:28:10 Adam Eric, you must listen to a lot of this show.

1:28:13 Caller You have no idea.

1:28:14 Drew What do you do?

1:28:15 Adam You have some job where you work the graveyard or something?

1:28:19 Caller Exactly. I mean, my buddies sit up here and we listen to you four nights a week. Every night, yep.

1:28:24 Drew What kind of work you're doing?

1:28:25 Caller About five years now. We work at a print shop.

1:28:29 Drew Your buddy should applaud your talent.

1:28:31 Adam Yeah.

1:28:32 Caller It was partially his idea.

1:28:33 Drew Think how many people we have calling, telling us they're gonna write, they're gonna do something. Eric just showed us his wares. Yeah.

1:28:40 Caller Showed us the good.

1:28:41 Adam I'm a fan.

1:28:43 Caller I think he even came up with the idea. We sat down, we wrote down the beats and hammered them out a little bit.

1:28:50 Adam You did your homework.

1:28:50 Drew Didn't miss any.

1:28:53 Adam Give me your Germany or Florida.

1:28:54 Caller Okay. 19-year-old man clad in a black trench coat armed with two rifles, a pistol and a sword goes to his place of employment. He declares himself to be a vampire killer. And he shoots one of his coworkers right in the head.

1:29:08 Caller Ooh.

1:29:10 Drew Now, vampire Eastern European.

1:29:14 Adam Yeah.

1:29:15 Drew Sword.

1:29:16 Caller Wait a second.

1:29:17 Drew Sword and a black overcoat. Germany.

1:29:20 Adam Yeah.

1:29:21 Drew But Eric is pretty shrewd. He might be leading us down the...

1:29:25 Adam Primrose.

1:29:25 Drew Primrose path here.

1:29:26 Adam Shooting someone at work, a very Florida thing to do. But only one person at work seems more German than Florida. Florida, they have massacres.

1:29:34 Drew Right. And the massacres are usually spraying, not standing up somebody and shooting them.

1:29:38 Caller But you gotta think too. Columbine was all about black trench coats as well. And that was in America.

1:29:43 Drew Well done.

1:29:43 Caller That's unusual.

1:29:44 Drew Eric is on his game.

1:29:45 Adam I'm going Germany. My impulse was Germany.

1:29:47 Drew Yeah, Germany.

1:29:48 Adam Eric, we're going Germany.

1:29:49 Caller Okay, I'm going to tell you the answer and then I'm going to tell you the cool twist to the story too. It actually happened in Florida.

1:29:55 Adam Who?

1:29:56 Caller The twist was the man that he shot.

1:29:58 Drew German.

1:29:59 Caller Nope. He had an apple pie with a mason jar.

1:30:05 Drew You should have just given the mason jar earlier. We're let down because we...

1:30:10 Adam No, that's good.

1:30:11 Drew It's good.

1:30:12 Caller All right.

1:30:12 Adam So, was that a story? That was a true story that you just added the mason jar on to the end?

1:30:17 Drew Or the whole thing is mason jar?

1:30:18 Caller Yeah, Adam, the mason jar was not part of the story.

1:30:21 Drew But the whole story was...

1:30:22 Adam No, no, but the whole story is a true story.

1:30:24 Caller The whole story was true. I think I heard it about six months ago and some of the details as far as the weapons are concerned.

1:30:29 Adam It was a legitimate Germany or Florida. He just added the mason jar on to the end.

1:30:34 Caller All right, Eric.

1:30:35 Adam Listen, you got a pulse. Call the show anytime you like.

1:30:37 Drew Exactly.

1:30:41 Adam Yeah. I enjoyed it. And look, anyone wants to call the show and make fun of us or critique us or even pay a sort of backhanded homage to me or the show? We won't cut you off. You call a lot of radio shows, you start in on the host, they immediately cut you off. Here, we'll run you dry. Say your piece. The worse, the better. Cindy?

1:31:04 Caller Yeah, I'm here.

1:31:05 Adam You're 22?

1:31:06 Caller Yeah.

1:31:07 Adam What's going on?

1:31:08 Caller Okay. Okay, well, this is kind of for you, not really for Dr. Drew. Okay. Okay, I just moved into this apartment complex, okay, and I met some people at the pool and they're really nice, whatever. And one of the guys, he has a girlfriend. And we ended up going out the other night, and I kind of got a little drunk, maybe. Okay, yeah, a little bit drunk. And I started sitting on her lap. And I've had the girlfriend, or the guy's girlfriend, I don't want to say any names. Okay, so I sat on her lap, and then everyone's like, oh, are you going to kiss her, da, da? And I turned around, I was like, yeah. And then she moved her head. And I don't remember this, but this is what the other guy, not the guy with the girlfriend, but he came over earlier tonight, talked to me. He's like, did you try to kiss, what's her name? And I was like, oh my God, no. And he's like, good, I thought not.

1:31:55 Caller And he started giving me a hard time, but I'm like, no, no, no.

1:31:57 Caller And then I talked to her earlier tonight, and I asked her, and she's like, yeah, you totally did.

1:32:01 Caller I was like, oh, no, and I'm kind of, oh, yes, that was it.

1:32:06 Adam She just yelled the F word, didn't she?

1:32:07 Caller Yeah, she yelled it.

1:32:08 Drew And the deal is there's apparently as the what we've got on the screen here on her is that she has had a girlfriend when she was in jail.

1:32:16 Adam That was a great chick story. Oh, really makes me miss the guy doing my impression of me. He'd go from that to and so I was down in his pool and then I talked to this one girl and then we went out to Carlos and Pepe's and then I had too many margaritas. I get mine shaken, but I like the ice. So I tell him not to. I like it blended, but I don't like the crush ice because it gives me a headache and I like salt on half the glass. And then I sat on her lap and then we like started to kiss with that. She moved her head and then the next day a guy came over. He totally said I tried to scam on a girl, but I was like, no, she moved her head, but I think he thinks I'm a slut. And then F the world. And then anyway, all right. So that was really just a long winded boring story with the F word is the tag.

1:33:04 Drew And we got to go break.

1:33:05 Adam Well, hold on a second. Mike. Yeah, Mike. Yeah, you've been on hold for a long time. You have the puffy nipples and areolas. They stick out.

1:33:16 Caller I called before and you guys went off the air on me. But I've been trying to find out the answer to my problem for years now.

1:33:25 Drew I've been having a plastic surgeon.

1:33:27 Adam Here's the thing. You have to consult a plastic surgeon.

1:33:31 Drew They take care of these things.

1:33:32 Adam It's not about exercise.

1:33:33 Caller It's not uncommon.

1:33:34 Adam Not about what you're eating. It's not about anything. It's just genetics and consult a plastic surgeon.

1:33:40 Drew You're 20. It's time.

1:33:41 Adam OK.

1:33:43 Drew At 20, you got to get checked in.

1:33:44 Adam Just go in and see somebody.

1:33:45 Drew Sometimes with a little liposuction.

1:33:46 Adam They're not going to charge you anything. Open the phone book, go on the computer, find a plastic surgeon and go see him.

1:33:52 Caller And he's going to charge me a arm and a leg for it, huh?

1:33:54 Drew Not for the consultation. But if you really want to know what can be done, that you'll see what can be done.

1:33:59 Adam Get some prices. All right. We'll be back after this.

1:34:03 Drew Here's the deal.

1:34:03 Caller Looking to hook up?

1:34:04 Drew Call the Dateline.

1:34:05 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:34:07 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:34:08 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:34:09 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:34:13 Caller 1-877-889-DATE. If you need help, call Loveline, 1800-LOVE-191.

1:34:44 Adam Well, that's the show, everybody. Thanks for tuning in. Lisa Loeb, dear, dear, dear, dear, impish little, beautiful little, cuddly little Lisa Loeb in here tomorrow night. Then Sex Pot Jenna Jamison in after that, and then Black Eyed Peas on Thursday night. So, until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew's saying, mahalo.

1:35:05 Caller You know, now I'm literally a millionaire, Drew literally, literally a millionaire. You know, I should have my own garbage man, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oliver city cops in their right hand drive. Blah, blah, blah, I'm not a manpower.

1:35:21 Caller This has been Loveline. Loveline, the opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

1:36:17 Caller See next time.

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Monday, August 23, 2004