Episode 1000640827610

1:03 Voiceover Sexually oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised.

1:13 Voiceover This is Loveline.

1:23 Voiceover Dr. Bruce is in the hissy tonight. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Bruce, you know him as Dr. Spaz. He fills in for Dr. Drew every time someone drops a nickel.

1:34 Dr. Bruce In some way.

1:35 Adam Well, oftentimes he goes to the, as far as the East Coast. I've seen him go to Canada when someone dropped a nickel or whatever their form of currency is over there. Dr. Bruce is a board certified physician, although he should enjoy that while it lasts. He is an expert at emergency medicine. He also is an expert at the laser tattoo removal.

2:01 Dr. Bruce Light treatments.

2:02 Adam Removing. Yeah. If you got any questions tonight about things that you can do with a laser, a lot of people wonder if they can take stretch marks off of the laser, maybe birthmarks, certainly tattoos or something that Bruce can do. There's a Botox, there's all the cosmetic stuff that doesn't involve getting the scalpel out.

2:20 Right.

2:21 Adam And what else? Oh, and addiction medicine specialist. So he's got it all. It's really, it's really like three Drews and then when you see him in person, it's like a half a Drew.

2:32 Dr. Bruce Oh, I knew it was coming.

2:33 Adam Dr. Bruce, always a delight though and a friend of the show, a different show when Bruce comes in, but not necessarily a worse show depending on how funny I can be for how long about how funny you are.

2:43 Dr. Bruce How abusive you can get.

2:45 Adam Well, you know, there's great love and there's great respect between the two of us.

2:49 Dr. Bruce That's right. You even influenced my four year old Joey.

2:51 Adam Really?

2:52 Dr. Bruce For his fourth birthday, he wanted cordless power tools.

2:55 Adam Oh, really?

2:56 Dr. Bruce Black and Decker 14.4 volt.

2:58 Adam Wow. Don't give him a Black and Decker though. That's junk.

3:03 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

3:03 Adam That's junk.

3:04 Dr. Bruce He's four years old, Adam. He's cut in cardboard boxes with table saw.

3:08 Adam He should be okay. All right.

3:09 Dr. Bruce And his sister Elizabeth. I should say hi to Joey and Elizabeth.

3:11 Adam That's good. Next time I see him, I'll give a nice big high five.

3:14 Dr. Bruce Uncle Adam, he knows about you.

3:16 Adam Oh, really?

3:16 Dr. Bruce Yeah, you've met him, but you don't remember.

3:17 Adam Big three fingered high five.

3:20 All right.

3:20 Adam Couple of quick things before before we get down to business tonight. Bruce, I know this is going to hit hit close to your home, too. We got no milk about well, Drew and I come in here. We're big coffee drinkers and Bruce likes to tilt the job himself. And for me, splash your milk. Now radio stations traditionally have coffee that's like comes from smart and final and it comes in little grenade sized packets. And the creamer used just says whitener on it. They're not even going to commit to the word cream. Yeah, it's just luck. We're not going to tell you this is going to make your coffee taste any better. It's going to change the color. We'll commit to that work. If you took some erasers, some chalk erasers and just bang them out over your coffee mug, it would have about the same effect, marginally better.

4:12 Dr. Bruce Right.

4:13 Adam One would one would argue somewhere about two years ago, maybe three. I made the I'm a prima donna. I said, you know what? We need some good coffee and we need some milk to dump into it. And let me tell you something, that kind of that kind of talk doesn't fly at the radio station. It's like, oh, oh my God, we've got a troublemaker.

4:30 Dr. Bruce The guy wants a green room.

4:32 Adam We've got a troublemaker. This guy wants coffee and milk. Oh, okay. Your Highness, Mr. Trump, what's next? You need a you need a stretch limo? Or should we get take you via helicopter into work every now? I was like, look, it's eight bucks worth of coffee a month and two bucks worth of milk. We're going to need it. So they said that they agreed. Oh, no, no, it went up to the boss. And a memo to corporate office went to the boss man. And the boss man said, oh, no, impossible. They'll not be will not be given this away. And so I said, oh, yes, we will. And then Drew said, oh, no, we'll reimburse you because he's a pussy. He's such a pussy. You know, he's this guy folds like a like a puff tent every time anything ever comes up. I'm always getting more money. He owes me no much money. He owes me from just holding out and trying to get more money for us. All right. I'll tell you off the air. But anyway, the point is, is he immediately folds. And I say, no, no, no, you're paying for it. And then I and then I go further, which is I'm not coming in. You have to get us to call for I'm not coming in.

5:38 Dr. Bruce So you didn't even demand half and half in Starbucks. You're just talking about milk and decent coffee.

5:42 Adam Decent coffee and some milk. So eventually, because I threaten not to come in anymore, we actually have coffee milk. The problem is, is the milk goes into the refrigerator and gets stolen by the vermin at the radio station. Even with the Loveline memo, even I'd say more so with the Loveline Sharpie insignia on it. Does it go? Producer Ian bought a court on Friday. It is Sunday. It is nowhere to be seen. And first off, I got a message to Lowlife that used my court of milk. And now I'm using the whitener. I will find you. I will I will hunt you down. I will do horrible things to you. I hope you I hope you're your lactose intolerant. I hope you I hope you explode or I hope there's something some some some might in that milk that is eating your intestines out as we speak because you're you're lower than than pond scum. You're vermin. Do you hear me? And here's the thing about radio station. We don't employ children. The youngest guy here is probably twenty nine. Yeah, it's it's not like, all right. The kids got into the teachers into the faculty lounge. These are a bunch of guys in their thirties walking around just pilfering other people's dairy.

6:59 Dr. Bruce Oh, it's skullduggery, absolutely.

7:00 Adam It is skullduggery to the high degree.

7:04 Dr. Bruce And it's a slippery slope.

7:05 Adam And when you go into that radio, when you go to the I'll tell you, I'll tell you something, everybody, they ought to they ought to have field trips. You know, they ought to have it'd be like a scared straight for people who want to get into radio, like in scared straight. You know, kids are getting in trouble. They go to prison and they have some 300 pound black guy go, give me a goddamn shoe, quit eyeballing me. All I got to do for scared straight for people who want to get around. Take a quick tour of the pathetic graveyard known as the kitchen. Open, open that refrigerator. First off, people in their 40s should not be writing their names all over all over a buck eighty five worth of worth a grub. I found a Chef Boyardee ravioli can, meat ravioli. Chris, back me up. I brought it in here a few months ago. Meat ravioli can with three raviolis left at the bottom of it and a crumpled up paper towel and not a brand name, not a bounty or a Viva, but the brown kind of industrial institutional paper towel mashed up and pushed in it in the top of it. Like as if it was going to keep it fresh.

8:15 Dr. Bruce And nobody took that.

8:17 Adam No, nobody took that. The point is, you understand a man who is probably in his late thirties decided, I got to keep this 11 cents worth of horrible, horrible Italian cuisine so it can just stink up the rest of crap. It is filled that that refrigerator is just filled with crap. This is some of it should have been thrown out when this station was playing oldies back in the late seventies. Other stuff like it's adult, you're interested in adults stealing food from other adults, adults writing their names on stuff like it's their underpants and their camp. Pathetic.

8:51 Dr. Bruce What you need to do is get a soymilk cart and pour your half and half of that. Nobody's going to touch.

8:55 Adam So I am I am P.O.ed. But I mean, you're outraged, too.

9:00 Dr. Bruce I'm outraged because I don't have any coffee.

9:01 Adam It's skullduggery, is it not?

9:03 Dr. Bruce Absolutely. Skullduggery is a foot.

9:05 Adam Oh, oh, yeah. So it's a foot. Yeah. No, skullduggery is not engineer. Chris thought you meant that a skullduggery meant it was a foot.

9:13 Dr. Bruce It is a foot.

9:14 Adam It is upon us. Yes.

9:16 Dr. Bruce As they'd say in Long Island.

9:17 Adam That's right.

9:18 I really didn't know what they meant.

9:19 All right.

9:20 Adam Well, it's a foot, whatever it is. You're ready to go?

9:23 Dr. Bruce I'm ready.

9:24 All right.

9:27 Adam Brian. Let me tell you something about this.

9:32 Dr. Bruce That's a bad omen.

9:33 Adam Scalduggery is not only at hand, but a foot.

9:38 Dr. Bruce Yeah, it's online.

9:40 Adam I just worked the hand in to Brian. Euro for one.

9:46 Dr. Bruce He's in the echo chamber, it sounds like.

9:48 Adam Dr. Bruce picked out the first call and we rolled the dice. We got nothing.

9:54 Dr. Bruce How?

9:54 Adam Let me say this. Let's don't do all the reaching. Just point, would you? Let me say this. I was watching. I sit home on weekends and I just watched a history channel.

10:04 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

10:05 Adam And I just I just watch all the Nazi films. That's all I do. And I keep thinking we got to bomb those Germans one more time. We got to hit them because they're due. And if they're not due, they at least deserve they least deserve it. When you sit around and watch World War One, World War Two stuff. But here's what I'm thinking. I I've been waiting for a long time to see an infantry man or anybody in the German army with the Hitler mustache. I saw it last night.

10:36 Dr. Bruce Oh, no. The present day.

10:37 Adam No, not the present day. No, I'm watching World War Two stuff. I'm not looking for new stuff. We're not interested in the Germans today.

10:44 Dr. Bruce That's true.

10:44 Adam But that would be a good that would be a crazy move to pull the Hitler mustache in the German infantry 2004. But I watch all the footage on the History Channel. They have all the and you know, they'll have the parades where the guys are goose stepping and a big walk. And everyone's going by and horses and stuff. Never. And they always do it on. Oh, Hitler's henchmen. They show all his generals and they have the infantry and everything. They have thousands of people. You'll never see that Hitler mustache on anybody. Saw it on a guy last night.

11:15 Dr. Bruce I put in a couple hours on History Channel last night. Post World War Two, the Russian invasion of 1943.

11:21 Adam Guy had the stat.

11:22 Dr. Bruce I've never seen it.

11:23 Adam Had the Hitler stat. You've never seen it, have you?

11:25 Dr. Bruce Because it's probably foreboden.

11:27 Adam Is it? Foreboden is a foot. Is that what you're saying?

11:32 Dr. Bruce That's what I'm saying. Because anybody that tried to imitate the Fuhrer must have been.

11:37 Adam Yeah, but isn't it a homage to the Fuhrer to sport his mustache?

11:43 Dr. Bruce I don't know.

11:45 Adam But when you mention that, they scanned over thousands of infantry men over the years. I've been watching the History Channel, all the World War stuff too. Never seen a guy last night saw an infantry guy with the Hitler mustache. And I thought, I don't know, could be ass kissy. I bet the other guys in units like, oh, helmet, such an ass kiss. Look at that brown nose with the Hitler mustache. What's next, you got to start part in your hair in that weird Hitler way.

12:17 Dr. Bruce You never saw any of his personal, any of his, the way his hair was co-op.

12:21 Adam None of the other, none of the other guys sported that look last night saw the stash. I've been waiting for years to see the Hitler stash on another guy in the German army in 1942. And I found it last night and I was able to rest easy. All right.

12:38 Dr. Bruce Very good.

12:38 Adam But it's a good point. No one brings it up. I mean, normally, you know, as I was George Clooney grows a goatee and half a Hollywood grows a goatee. I mean, when the guys in the top are sporting a look, it, you know, when, oh, Jackie Kennedy Onassis was our Jackie Kennedy was announced, you know, she got her little box thing and all the chicks got. I mean, that's a natural thing. You see the leader and you start picking up his look.

13:02 Dr. Bruce I told is they all.

13:03 Adam Right. That's a crazy beard mop on their head. But here's the whole thing. How could you know that mustache was f'ed up because no one went for it? If they thought it looked cool, I bet they would have gone with it. I don't think it would have been a slap in the face.

13:17 Dr. Bruce It definitely didn't look cool. I thought it made him look effeminate.

13:20 Adam Wasn't it wasn't a good look. But I'm saying I think if he had a nice goatee or Van Dyke, I bet you a lot of guys in the German army would be sporting that. All right. All right. Found some common ground here. Oh, by the way, that's how you know your look sucks. When you when you're in charge of a nation, you're sporting a very specific look and nobody copies it.

13:43 Dr. Bruce Although I think anybody would have thought, am I going to get killed if I do this or is it going to be?

13:47 Adam But why why would you know what would would Jackie Kennedy, Jacqueline Kennedy kill some woman and put a pillbox hat on and wore, you know, wore her outfit or got her hair done like that.

13:59 Dr. Bruce Comparing Camelot to the Führer's regime.

14:02 Adam And that's that I am that I am in their skullduggery of foot. I can tell you that right now.

14:07 Dr. Bruce I know. I'll regret saying.

14:09 Adam Now hold on a second.

14:11 All right.

14:11 Adam Chrissy.

14:13 How are you guys doing?

14:14 Adam You're 21. What's going on, baby doll?

14:17 Caller I have a very, very, very high sex drive and I usually get in the way of my relationships. Most men I date or guys I date don't have as high of a sex drive as I do. And I'm dating somebody right now and he keeps up pretty well. He does OK. But I feel like sex gets in the way of me being intimate, like when we have a moment or a chance to be more intimate.

14:43 Adam All right. Well, let's flip over all the cards here and try to figure out, is your dad around? Did he leave you? Did he die?

14:51 Caller He left when I was 11, but we have a pretty good relationship.

14:56 Adam When did he come back? Did he leave for a while or did he just move out and stay in touch?

15:01 He moved out.

15:10 Adam Dad moving out of state, by the way, at 11 is...

15:13 Dr. Bruce Very traumatic.

15:13 Adam Screw you up. Especially Chick.

15:16 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

15:18 Adam Well, that's going to... You're going to have intimacy problems. And he moved away when you were 11 and he moved into what state? Mm-hmm. And where were you living?

15:31 Dr. Bruce Mm-hmm. But sometimes you don't learn to connect with men appropriately. Some of these things are not learned the way they should be if your dad wasn't around. It doesn't take overt abuse sometimes to set in motion. Some of the things you're describing may be an intense drive to intimacy that's translated as a sexual attraction, sexual energy.

15:52 Adam Chicks are looking for an excuse to be nutty in a relationship anyway, so all it takes is just a little snap of the underpants at age 11 for dad to get up and split to screw you up.

16:04 Dr. Bruce I don't agree with the first part of what you said, but...

16:07 Adam Look, women are more highly strung than men.

16:13 Right.

16:13 Dr. Bruce They're more sensitive, and men are...

16:15 Right.

16:15 Adam So Chrissy, how often do you want sex, by the way?

16:18 Caller Um, each day? God, well, my boyfriend and I all have sex, like, all day long, if he can, and I don't know. It's like, it's never enough. It's the weirdest thing. I could have sex forever. Like, we'll go, like, seven times, and then we'll stop, and we'll go out, and then we go back to the house, and I just want to have sex again. And it's just really bizarre. And I, when I was younger, I mean, I started having sex when I was 18, and I thought that was normal. I didn't know that it was so weird, and then talking to friends and other boyfriends, they all thought that it was, I was the same. They're like, yeah, that's all you want to do.

16:51 Adam Well, look, here's the whole thing. First off, you want to slow it down a little. Change your name from Chrissy to Christine. My mom's name is Christine, and I know for a fact, she's probably been late five times in the last 55 years. At least I'm praying. That's all it's been. So that's number one. Chrissy, that's a sex pot name. Christine, that'll slow you down a little. So already you're down about four times a day if you just start calling yourself Christine.

17:17 Dr. Bruce After you do that, you need a good psychiatric evaluation and seeing a therapist and there's a difference. Psychiatrists, there are certain biomedical disorders in which you're hypersexual, so you need to be screened.

17:28 Adam Do you have an orgasm? Do you orgasm?

17:31 Caller No, almost never. That's the other thing.

17:36 Adam Can you imagine as a guy, like, oh, yeah, I'm going at it every day, all day, weekends and holidays included, do you orgasm? Not so much. I would have done it three times and been like, fat, all right. I'm now going to focus on fantasy football and building model airplanes. I've had enough of the sex.

17:56 Dr. Bruce Well, different physiology.

17:57 Adam No kidding. But all right, Chrissy, obviously there's intimacy things here because you're just sort of pounding the intimacy out of every relationship you're in. And then there could be a million things going. You could have a brain tumor.

18:11 Dr. Bruce Yeah. Well, or I suppose some head injuries, life or problems, which needs to be evaluated by MD psychiatrist. See a therapist.

18:20 Adam Because this is not just frisky.

18:21 Dr. Bruce No. And it's not weird. It's not bizarre. You know, you can start having self-image issues and it's going to affect your sexual function maybe in a negative way eventually. But you need to have it screened by a good psychiatrist as well as a therapist.

18:33 Adam Seven times a day. Amy?

18:38 Dr. Bruce You're 14?

18:38 Adam Yeah. You're, you got stretch marks on your boobs?

18:43 Caller Yeah.

18:44 Adam Mm-hmm. But your, your boobs aren't big? No, but they're stretch marks anyway. Dr. Bruce, stretch marks, do they, do they kick in for most people at a certain age and do they sort of go away or do stretch mark ever go away?

19:02 Dr. Bruce Stretch marks don't usually go away on their own. They will get larger and smaller depending on hormones on gaining weight. The typical scenario is stretching of the skin and a shrinkage as in gaining weight and losing weight, but sometimes just with a rapid growth growth spurt and do more.

19:17 Adam But you know, it seems like you'll see some stretch marks on a 16 year old and then you don't see them on when the person's 30, the same person.

19:25 Dr. Bruce Well, they can shrink and they can go away. It's you know, they can. I was reading an article. It's not real clear what makes them go away whether and in fact, one of the questions she has about them bad is this coffee, the coffee. Yeah, the coffee is pretty bad.

19:39 Adam But yeah, it's pretty bad. It's you just need some more equal like how many of those did you put in there?

19:43 Dr. Bruce Only six. One, two, three, four, only four, four, six, three.

19:48 Adam Let me explain something real fast. Hold on, everybody. We've gotten into this before. Dr. Bruce will put in 12, 13 sugars into his coffee. Dr. Bruce, a man of 45 years, you understand. He puts 13, like a stoned eighth grader. He puts in 13 sugars into his coffee. Now he's not doing the sugar thing anymore. He's going with the artificial sweetener, which is fine. He has the equal.

20:16 Dr. Bruce It's what Ann brought in.

20:17 Adam But producer Ann brought in, but he'll do sweet and low. He'll do whatever.

20:21 Dr. Bruce Do I don't do it's not a drug. Like I'm doing a drug. How many teaspoons of sugar do you drink coke in one of your drinks?

20:28 Adam I don't drink coke.

20:30 Dr. Bruce Or whatever you yes, this is 26 28 grams of carbohydrate sugar.

20:33 Adam This is Bruce. Bruce's argument, by the way, is always. Yeah. Well, a coke has 13. Well, why don't you add 13 to your soup then? Why don't you add it to everything that goes, you know, touches your lips? What did you get? Nice thing of matzo ball soup and put 13 things of sugar and make the coke argument. Why not add 13 teaspoons of sugar to your water? By the way, coke has 13 teaspoons of sugar. You're drinking it.

21:03 Dr. Bruce All I can tell you is there's a cultural tradition.

21:07 Adam You listen to me. Here's the point. I'll go with your coke argument. You like sweet. You like sweet coffee. Some people drink a coke, whatever the idea that you put in six packets of artificial sweetener is bizarre to me because I understand the sugar part because I like sugar. I'll eat some coffee ice cream. And this is like you took coffee ice cream and put it in the microwave. But when you when you put the six things of equal in it, it gets bitter.

21:36 Dr. Bruce No bitter. That's a genetic thing. Some people taste aspartame is bitter. That's genetic. I don't taste.

21:41 Adam Listen to me. It's bitter. I don't care if you don't taste. Yeah. You're like, hey, it's like saying, hey, retarded guy can put his hand right over the flame. It's still bad. It's still bad. It's up to me to stop him.

21:52 Dr. Bruce Listen, it's your show. Bad analogy. It doesn't work. Now, you could also comment on, I like about 20 percent of my coffee half and half, not milk half and half because I like the taste of the half and half, the fat and the sugar.

22:03 Adam I like the half and half better milk too. Everyone does.

22:06 Dr. Bruce Coffee drinkers come to my rescue. Let's have some coffee.

22:08 Adam There's not a coffee drinker on this planet or Columbia, which is also on this planet, but thankfully it's the name of shuttle. Did that blood blow up? There's the point. There's the point. There's nobody in the United States or in Columbia that puts six sweeten lows in their coffee. And by the way, he's not drinking a jumbo grande thing. He's drinking a good eight, nine ounces. Ain't too big. It gets bitter. It goes bizarre. It doesn't get sweeter after three. I put half a one in my coffee. It's too much. It's like you're supposed to put a little pinch in. It's not the same as sugar.

22:48 Dr. Bruce Yeah, I know. It just stresses you whenever you see me doing this, whether you comment on it or not, you're making faces. I can't argue with a mad man.

22:55 Adam How can you? I'm mad. You have six sweet lows in your coffee.

23:01 Dr. Bruce You know why you're mad. I'm sort of enjoying this cup of coffee, Adam. No, you're not. You're wincing and you're... It's going to leave a bad taste in your mouth all the way home.

23:10 Adam When I find out, I bet it was one of those guys from the Aero side of this radio station, the oldies station that stole our milk. I am livid. I am livid. I'm going to get to the bottom of this.

23:24 Dr. Bruce I had their granola cereal with that stuff. The oldies guys.

23:27 Adam Engineer Chris, would you cramp in this mug? I'm looking to improve the flavor. This is a total disaster.

23:35 Dr. Bruce Dr. Bruce likes to have coffee with his sugar.

23:38 Adam This is ridiculous.

23:39 Dr. Bruce I was waiting for that one. Thanks.

23:40 Adam This is a skullduggery of the highest order. Do you understand?

23:45 Dr. Bruce Do we finish the stretch marks on the breast?

23:47 Adam No, we did not.

23:48 Amy?

23:49 Adam All right. So here's the thing. There's really nothing you can do to get rid of the stretch marks.

23:54 Dr. Bruce Lasers and intense pulse light do supposedly shrink them. I have a hard time charging patients for that because there's not a consistent good result, but they will get smaller. The theory is that it's for some reason laser light or pulse light either stimulates an enzyme that dissolves, it's a form of connective tissue or decreases the blood supply. But I'd wait until you're, I wouldn't do this at 14, I'd wait until you're done growing. You'll probably have some spontaneous resolution of those types of stretch marks.

24:23 Adam That's right. Amy, you're fine. Nobody cares about the stretch marks but you. All right? It's no big deal. Look, I hang around horrible, horrible men and all they do is pick people apart. You know, they sit around, they watch television and they're like, oh, she's fat or I wouldn't do her. She's old or dimply or whatever it is. They've never brought up stretch marks. They've never brought up stretch marks. They bring up hair, they bring up ass, they bring up cellulite, they bring up teeth, they bring up nose, they bring up everything. Stretch marks never been brought up.

24:59 Dr. Bruce Well, I know these guys, a lot of those guys have stretch marks. You never see them take their shirt off during basketball because they have stretch marks.

25:04 Yeah.

25:05 Adam But so what? They're fat, fat, fat, yeah, but look, fat guys always complain about chicks being fat. Doesn't matter that they're fat. The point is, is they don't care about stretch marks. It's not an issue for guys. I don't know what your retarded point is. What is your retarded point?

25:18 Dr. Bruce My retarded point is that stretch marks are something that's a little bit embarrassing on a guy and they're, they have those.

25:24 Adam But they would still complain about it on a woman if it was a big deal.

25:28 Dr. Bruce Well, those guys are lucky to get a woman's stretch marks or not.

25:31 Adam Well, the point is, is it ain't an issue, ladies. So don't freak. I have never heard a guy complain about it. I'm not saying we love stretch marks.

25:37 Dr. Bruce It's a huge issue with women, though.

25:38 Adam I'm not saying we look forward to stretch marks, but it's not as big an issue as you're making it out to be. All right. We'll take a quick break. I'm Dr. Bruce here filling in for Dr. Drew, and we'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody, it's Love Line, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Bruce filling in for Dr. Drew. Takes a big, big man to fill Drew's big, big shoes, and Dr. Bruce is a big, big, big redheaded man. Oh yeah, he is a board certified physician. And like I said, enjoy that while it lasts. And he knows his way around a laser, removes tattoos, does emergency medicine, and addiction medicine. So if you got a question, it's like Dr. Bruce was sitting here with a laser. That's really what it is. Lisa Loeb is coming in here later in the week. Also Jenna Jamison and the Black Eyed Peas as well. All right, back to the phones. We go, oh, a pox. I put a pox on the scoundrel that made off with my milk.

26:59 Dr. Bruce You know, it could be worse. They could have contaminated what was, I mean, they could.

27:02 Adam That'll be next. That'll be next, yeah.

27:05 Dr. Bruce Some juvenile.

27:06 Adam It'll be, oh, it'll be the Loveline Milk with a little snot rocket in it, courtesy of one of the van drivers who's tired of listening to me rail about them. But yeah, somebody stole my Loveline Milk. I'm now having to use a non-dairy creamer. And it is nothing short of a tragedy in here. This is a tragedy. And let me just say this to the person that did steal it. May your teeth fall out and hair grow in its place. May your head grow like an onion in the ground. You have any maids? You have any good poxies? Anything from Brooklyn? Any Jewish stuff? No, that's not good. All right, let's talk to Whitney who's 19. Hi. What's happening, baby doll?

27:59 Okay, well, my boyfriend's penis is larger than anyone I've ever been with. And it's large for any penis. Like it's just a large penis. And it's very-

28:09 Adam Hold on, hold on, let me see if I get this straight. Your boyfriend has a large penis?

28:14 Yeah.

28:15 Adam Okay, all right, well slow down. Okay, so he has a large penis. I'm writing this down.

28:23 All right.

28:24 Adam And you say it's the second biggest you've seen?

28:27 No, it's the very biggest.

28:29 Adam So third?

28:31 No, it's the biggest I've seen ever.

28:35 Adam Number one?

28:36 Yeah, number one.

28:37 Adam Right, now you're used to being with guys with big penises, yes?

28:42 Well, I've only been with three people.

28:45 Adam Three guys.

28:46 Yeah.

28:47 Adam So he is the third, but he's number one.

28:50 Yeah.

28:53 Adam Uh-huh. Now, how long would you say he is?

28:57 I'd say it's like close to like nine or 10 inches.

29:00 Adam Nine or 10. Healthy. All right. And how's the girth doing? Pretty girthy. All right. Girth, by the way, one of those words that sort of sounds like what it is.

29:12 Dr. Bruce Great word. Girth.

29:14 Adam Girth couldn't be skinny. It's gotta be fat. He's girthy. Yeah. You, you have no girth. You're a man of little girth.

29:22 Dr. Bruce Yes, I beg your pardon.

29:25 Adam Go ahead. No, I was talking to Dr. Bruce. So he's girthy. Spindly sounds skinny.

29:32 Dr. Bruce No, spindly does sound skinny. Not a good penis word.

29:35 Adam Yeah, it's bad if your penis is labeled spindly. So he's girthy and he's big. And your question is?

29:43 It's really uncomfortable to have sex with him. Like, it never feels good. And I don't know what to do. Like, I can't do anything to make it feel any better. I don't know what to do to make it feel better.

29:59 Dr. Bruce Are you having muscle spasm and pain? Or is it, are you using lubricant?

30:04 Yes.

30:05 Dr. Bruce Okay, nothing really helps.

30:07 No.

30:08 Adam How about a little Coke? I wish you rubbed a little Coke on that area. Yeah, give yourself a freeze. What position, you need, here's the thing. Here's what you need. You need a-

30:20 Caller We have a common suture book.

30:25 Adam Some are better than others. I mean, you need to pick one that we can sort of control the depth. You know what I'm saying?

30:33 Caller I tried and I found a few, but I mean-

30:35 Dr. Bruce Are you a very small person? Because really what you're describing, his numbers are not, you know, off the-

30:41 Adam Shiving with years.

30:42 Dr. Bruce Well, no, it's just, that's not so large.

30:47 Adam All right. If you're five foot, is your vagina small? Or is it a woman who's six foot?

30:52 Dr. Bruce See, the vaginal tissue can expand a lot. And if it's not, I mean, there, it is a muscle and usually vaginismus is pain with intercourse and it has to do with not being relaxed enough. But it's a potential space in-

31:07 Adam Vaginismus is my Muslim name, by the way. Were you aware of that?

31:12 Dr. Bruce No, I wasn't.

31:13 Adam Wow, that's offensive that you brought that up.

31:15 Dr. Bruce I've seen kids name vaginismus. That's the interesting, what they name kids when they can't, they see it written down somewhere in the-

31:22 Adam Watch Cops. All right, so Whitney, yeah.

31:26 Dr. Bruce Whitney should get a gynecologic exam.

31:28 Adam Yeah, hey Whitney, look, here's the deal too. You know, five-year-old can't yet ride a 10-speed. You know what I mean? You may just be too small for this guy's bike. Do you know what I'm saying?

31:42 Dr. Bruce Yeah, good analogy.

31:45 Adam No, and the five-year-old loves the 10-speed too, but he might just need a little trike with some training wheels. Does he give you good oral sex?

31:53 Caller Yeah.

31:54 Adam Hmm, well, that's something. Look, if you're in love with the guy, then you guys, you know, just keep working at it. Yeah, I mean, go get a checkup.

32:03 Dr. Bruce Yeah, and this is, yeah, it's a radio show and obviously we can't, you know, we're not visualizing anything. You need to have a pelvic exam and talk to a gynecologist that has some experience dealing with sexual disorders or dysfunction because there are a variety of disorders that could be involved.

32:19 Adam I always wanted a woman to handle me with two hands. You know what I mean? To me, that would be a real feather in my cap. It's not happened yet. I don't imagine it happening unless I hook up like an Asian midget.

32:33 Dr. Bruce That's a very interesting comment, Adam.

32:35 Adam But the two, you know, once in a while you see the porn movie, it's like Chick grabs the base and it's like, well, it's still unwieldy. It's like, look, it becomes the penis becomes like once in a while the you see the guy fire up the fire hose and there's nobody manning. It just starts flying everywhere. And one guy jumps on to it, but it still could hurt somebody. So it takes a team of cup three or four guys if they subdue it. I'd like that to happen with my penis.

33:01 Dr. Bruce I'm getting a mental image I don't really want to have right now.

33:04 Adam Well, sometimes you want you want to porn and they like they grab it. And it's like, there's still plenty left. And they put another hand on it and there's still enough left to work with.

33:15 Dr. Bruce They had us watch these porn, porno things in medical school to supposedly desensitize us. Yeah, then they eventually brought in, you know, models to do pelvic song that would make noise.

33:25 Adam Oh, what did they do? What did they do?

33:26 Dr. Bruce Well, they felt that many medical students were really classic nerds.

33:31 Adam And so when they were, oh, you've never seen a vagina, you were 23. I beg your pardon. I'm sorry, 24.

33:37 Dr. Bruce They don't assume anything.

33:38 Caller But they.

33:39 Adam Oh, wait a minute, that's an interesting point, which is, unlike Drew is a rare exception, he's a passionate, passionate, passionate man. Many doctors are from kooky countries where they don't get sex. A lot of them are just bookworms and nerds. They weren't the captain of the football team in high school. Bizarre religious, or maybe the occult, you know. The point is, it's time for them to examine a woman's vagina at 24, and they may not have seen one in person before. So they brought in porn films to desensitize you.

34:19 Dr. Bruce Desensitize me?

34:20 Adam Well, look, you weren't getting much in high school or college. All right, the point is, you guys watched porn movies.

34:26 Dr. Bruce Some of the guys sit in the back, instead of the usual disattention.

34:32 Adam Real, just regular, off-the-shelf porn movies?

34:34 Dr. Bruce Well, you know, I really don't recall. You're a 70s expert, and I don't want to mention one with a medical student.

34:39 Adam A lot of 70s, yeah. Well, so, like Swedish erotica series?

34:42 Dr. Bruce No, no, it was just stuff off the shelf. I don't really tell you the truth. It wasn't burned in my memory.

34:47 Adam And then what? And then a woman came in.

34:49 Dr. Bruce Well, the subsequent classes, they then would bring in women to have, that you would do a pelvic on.

34:55 Adam Now, we didn't get that, but I know that was a line more common today, guy, line of people standing in front of the open of her vagina.

35:02 Dr. Bruce No, no, no, they would do it was done very professionally where she's in an exam room and you just go through, but she would give you feedback on how it felt and what you were doing, because those metal specula are not comfortable and you also have the less, the less sensitive student physician that is not really paying attention. It's like, what's my grade going to be? Not does this, is this uncomfortable or painful? Some of the male.

35:31 Adam He's going in there, he's got a soldering iron he's heading in there with.

35:36 Yeah.

35:36 Dr. Bruce Well, now he's thinking, I'm going to visualize the cervix. I don't want to lose any points here.

35:40 Adam And yeah, so you were your your velvety touch.

35:44 Dr. Bruce Absolutely. I always use gloves.

35:46 Adam That's like the idea that they watched it. He shows you guys porn movies. And let's see. That's the fact that'll keep taking another look at this and they become a Dr. Rachel.

35:57 Caller Yes.

35:58 Adam You're 30.

36:00 Caller My my husband has an inverted penis, right? It's like it just kind of goes up inside of him and it stays there. That's what he's like when he's flaccid. And when he gets when he gets erect and stuff, he's completely normal.

36:16 Adam Oh, really?

36:17 Caller Yeah.

36:17 Adam Really? Completely normal.

36:19 Caller Well, what I would consider normal, I guess. Well, half maybe.

36:24 Adam Really? And yet, when he's flaccid, it's almost inside of him.

36:30 Caller It is inside of him.

36:32 Adam Does that make you gay?

36:32 Caller It's like a hole.

36:34 Adam You have a penis in you. It's like a hole, and it really, have you ever put your finger in there? Could it hold one of those little American flags that Don King swings around at press conferences?

36:48 Caller Yeah, yeah, probably.

36:49 Adam That would be a great Christmas card.

36:52 Dr. Bruce Oh, yeah, yeah.

36:53 Adam He's just lying on his back, he's wearing a cowboy hat, I'm not sure why, maybe just the boots and there's a couple American flags put in the hole where his penis should be. And you know what, by the way, if your penis is in like that way, can you be nude on television? You know what I mean? Like if you don't actually have genitalia to see?

37:13 Dr. Bruce No, I think this this brodol sack may, right, may cause some FCC consternation.

37:21 Adam We had a guy on the man show once that got a well, yeah, if you block that out, we had a guy on the man show once who had breast augmentation as a as a male, as a straight male as on a bet. No, I want to bet on a bet, not not peck implants. He had a B or C cup put in. And when we pulled the shirt off to reveal it, the censors were unsure what to do, because like on one hand, we're seeing fake male chest, we're seeing silicone implants on the other hand, we're seeing a male chest. So which is it? They chose discretion was the better part of Valor. They decided they they they tiled it out. No, he had to wear pasties on his nipples. He had to wear like band-aids on his nipples. It's a bizarre.

38:09 Dr. Bruce That's a bizarre twist on a bizarre story.

38:11 Caller Yeah.

38:11 Adam This is why I can't take mushrooms anymore, because you get high and you think about this stuff and your head explodes.

38:17 Dr. Bruce See that on hallucinogen.

38:18 Adam You know, I just mean you start thinking about the society we're living in and the mores and the culture and stuff and you just go, yeah, I can't figure anything.

38:26 Dr. Bruce It was a drunken bet. I mean, that's worse than your average moronic man show.

38:30 Adam He would keep he would get got paid like, you know, 50 grand or something. Rachel.

38:36 Caller Yeah.

38:36 Adam All right, we got to take a break. Is he an overweight man?

38:40 Caller Well, he's a pretty big guy. But yeah, like he's he's top heavy, not bottom heavy.

38:46 Dr. Bruce So he has no problem urinating with this thing.

38:48 Caller No, no, he he it's all totally normal except I mean, it's always been like that for him he's never.

38:53 Caller All right.

38:55 Adam Hold on a second. We got we got to we got to get into this.

38:58 Dr. Bruce Did you announce on the urologist or what? I mean, all these penis calls tonight, people know there's more they're in line standing in line for penile evaluations.

39:05 Adam Well, don't talk to him then. Wise guy. Here's the thing. Inverted penis. Big guy. Oh, that's rough around the chin, by the way.

39:13 Dr. Bruce Oh, this kid. What trauma as a teenager when that.

39:16 All right.

39:17 Adam We're going to get into all that. And then it comes out at six and a half inches. I find that almost hard to believe. I can see it coming out and being, you know, 500 percent more than what it was because it started as nothing. But I could see it coming out being four and a half, maybe five, but six and a half. So going from no penis, a hole where the penis where the penis was to a large penis.

39:40 Dr. Bruce Now you get ice cold water. Have you ever seen how things shrink and shrivel and treat inside? So all right.

39:46 Adam That's potential.

39:48 Dr. Bruce Spongy tissues. Amazing stuff.

39:49 All right.

39:49 Adam We'll take a quick break. Dr. Bruce filling in for Dr. Drew. We'll get back with Rachel and her husband's inverted penis after this.

39:57 Dr. Bruce Love line.

39:58 Adam We'll be right back Bobby. Hey, everybody, it's Love Line. Madam, that's Dr. Bruce, who I still haven't called Dr. Drew, but when I get mad, I call people Drew.

40:20 Dr. Bruce Did you ever call Drew Dr. Bruce?

40:23 Adam Maybe, you know, on one of his marathon trips for Trojan where he circumnavigates the globe, hawking rubbers at a Nicholas stop, and you've been here for like four or five days straight. Yeah, sometimes I'll, you know, here's the thing, whenever I get mad, I call him Drew. So if I'm yelling at my wife, or I'm yelling at a guy in a car, or I'm yelling at anybody I just did, Drew comes flying out. I associate yelling at people with the name Drew.

40:54 Dr. Bruce Has Drew, you know, does he have like a complex from doing the show with you? I know you yell at him a lot. I know what it feels like to be yelled at by you. It's a very demeaning experience.

41:03 Thank you.

41:04 Adam Poor Drew. It's meant to be demeaning.

41:06 Dr. Bruce That's why he said what he said about you.

41:07 Adam It'd be an insult if it felt good. Why? What'd he say?

41:11 Dr. Bruce Nah, it was just something about being this close to you in a closed space like this four nights a week, is it five nights a week? He said something about being nice when he's in a different city and doesn't have to be.

41:24 Adam Oh please. Different cities, in a different city right now.

41:28 Dr. Bruce When he's on the air with you in a different city, he doesn't have to. But he respects you, of course.

41:34 Adam Rachel?

41:35 Caller Yep, I'm here.

41:37 Adam All right, so Rachel's 30, husband is, how old? 35. 35, did he just come in the room?

41:44 Caller No. Okay. That's me.

41:47 Adam All right, any penis, his penis, when he's not erect, it's actually inside of him, there's a divot, there's a hole there, almost like a belly button that goes in, right? And if I shine a flashlight into that fleshy well, I would see the head of his penis.

42:07 Caller Yeah, if he pushes on it, on the sides, like a...

42:12 Adam Like he's popping his head out.

42:13 Caller He can like get it out.

42:15 Adam That's nice.

42:15 Caller I put it right in there.

42:17 Adam Well, you know, in a certain way, it's like, you know, you keep your bowling ball in the bag when you're not rolling it. You know what I mean? You don't want it to get dinged up or scratched or anything. Maybe he's the head of the game. I mean, idiots like us, we have our penis out in the open, exposed to it, bear attacks, cold, hail, wasting all the elements.

42:37 Dr. Bruce And there's one other thing, assuming he's not erect when he sees his physician. I mean, this guy's been visualized many times by doctors and short of actually me seeing it, I would say that it's a normal, normal variant.

42:50 Adam One other thing, has he always been a little bit heavy?

42:53 Caller He built kind of like a fire plug. Yeah.

42:57 Adam Yeah. But, but he doesn't have, he doesn't have folds. He doesn't have, he couldn't stand to lose 20 pounds.

43:04 Caller Oh yeah. He could lose 20 pounds easy.

43:06 Adam Yeah. Here's, here's the whole thing too. When guys get heavy, when they get a little bit heavier, the area, well, first off, they get a little higher circulating levels of estrogen.

43:17 Dr. Bruce Absolutely.

43:18 Adam So they actually, you know, the penis will, might shrink a little. Oh, talk about the one, two punch of God. Like, hey, fatty.

43:27 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

43:28 Yeah.

43:29 Adam You know, the big rolls, the love handles, the stretch marks, yeah. Double chin, chicks are gonna hate that. Way do you drop your pants.

43:35 Oh yeah.

43:36 Adam That's when the embarrassment party really starts. Cause all, I'll tell you, we'll give it a little pink skin. We'll give you some stretch marks. We give it the folds and we'll give you the man breast. And let's see, what, what can we do? What we do? Oh, no penis. Ah, there you go. Thanks God. Fantastic. So now I got the belly and no penis in the area. The thighs get all meaty, the belly starts sticking out and the penis ends up being in a valley in between these mountains, this mountain range known as Mount Belly and Mount Thigh.

44:06 Dr. Bruce Yeah. It's a distressing sight.

44:08 Adam Or if you're Jew, it's Mount Thigh and I.

44:10 Dr. Bruce Oh. That was good. Yeah.

44:14 Adam High five. Chris, no, nothing. All right, so.

44:18 Dr. Bruce So this guy's.

44:20 Adam I would lose the weight or attempt to lose the weight. You do it anyway.

44:23 Yeah.

44:23 Adam Cause you're 35 and you're carrying around extra 20 pounds. By the time you start getting in your 40s, you're going to carry around 40 extra pounds.

44:31 Dr. Bruce Well, you know, but that's a good point about the aromatase enzyme that converts, you know, you get more estrogen because you have more fat tissue. So you're going to get a little bit of shrinkage of the. Not as much effective testosterone.

44:43 Adam His penis works when he needs it though.

44:46 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

44:46 Adam And, you know, it's like, look, plane doesn't fly with its landing gear down, does it?

44:53 Dr. Bruce That's good.

44:54 Adam Unnecessary. What do you, what do you mean? You want to fly from LA to New York with the gear hanging down? No, it's just more, more aerodynamic drag and something could, someone could break off in a seagull or something. No, you pack it in and then when it's time to land, like land on top of her, the gear comes out.

45:09 Dr. Bruce Yeah. But you know, maybe it's when he's walking around the house. Maybe she has a problem with that. It's like she wants a guy that, you know.

45:15 Adam Blow a hydraulic line and you have to crank it out by hand. And by the way, has there been a movie where they had to crank the gear out by hand where it didn't get stuck? How many? It always gets stuck.

45:24 Dr. Bruce It's always stuck.

45:26 Adam Somebody check that crank once in a while, would you? It's like the hydraulics are gone. Chuck, you got to go into the bay and crank down the gear by hand. And then the guy goes down, he makes it about a turn and a half and uh-oh.

45:37 Dr. Bruce And then it's stuck.

45:38 Adam It's stuck. It's frozen. It's nothing. And then the one where he said, now here's the mistake. He starts leaning on it and it breaks.

45:45 Caller Yeah.

45:45 Adam Now we're screwed.

45:46 Dr. Bruce It's those writers, those Hollywood writers.

45:48 Adam Also, no way of knowing if the gear is down in an airplane either, it seems to me like, I'm not sure if it's down or not. We got to do a fly by the tower. Crank brusted.

45:58 Dr. Bruce I don't know more than the history.

45:59 Adam I watch too much TV, but look, I like to find the company that makes these manual cranks for and sue their ass.

46:06 Dr. Bruce Good class.

46:06 Adam Because I really they've they've worked. They're over like 28 in every movie I've ever seen. Never seen a movie where the hydraulics are shot. So the guy goes down to crank it down my hand. Fine. No problem. You just turn it by hand. It went down. It's done. We can land now.

46:22 Dr. Bruce Popular motif in those 40s movies.

46:24 Adam Thanks, buddy.

46:26 Dr. Bruce 40s.

46:27 Adam Even 30s. They didn't even have a tractable landing year in the 30s. All they had was sea bladders. Let's take a little break. Dr. Bruce here tonight. Dr. Bruce in the hissy, everybody. He's that's that's that's the kids.

46:40 Caller They listen to that kind of talk.

46:42 Adam Dr. Bruce filling in for Dr. Drew. He's board certified while at last. And we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

46:51 Dr. Bruce Here it is.

46:52 Caller It sucks being single today.

46:54 Dr. Bruce Tons of lame people and no decent prospect. Call the Dateline.

46:59 Adam One eight seven seven eight eight nine date. So get your problems ready. Love Line. That's Dr. Bruce. Filming for Dr. Drew. Dr. Bruce just gave me some cream to rub on my face.

47:19 Dr. Bruce It's a growth factor derived from baby foreskin. Just in line with the peanut calls.

47:28 Adam You don't have anything that's made from like infant nipples or anything, just foreskin. That's all.

47:36 Dr. Bruce It's a growth factor and actually it's been found to stimulate collagen and plastic tissue growth.

47:43 Adam It's made from...

47:44 Dr. Bruce It's isolated from human foreskin tissue. There's a growth factor that is then what? Reproduced.

47:53 Adam What do you mean a growth factor?

47:54 Dr. Bruce Well, you have cells, fibroblasts, you have cells that produce collagen and similar tissue that don't have much stimulation once you're an adult. If you can find something that will stimulate those cell lines, then it's a rejuvenating.

48:11 Adam Why the foreskin? What's different about that area?

48:14 Dr. Bruce Well, again, the further back you get in age, when you get infancy in the fetus, the whole idea of stem cells, you have cells that produce factors that cause growth and differentiation of tissues that you lose as you grow.

48:28 Adam Boring. Why the prepuce?

48:32 Dr. Bruce Because, well, I don't know. I don't know why to tell you the truth.

48:35 Adam Well, just say you don't know why, then.

48:37 Dr. Bruce Well, I'm saying in infancy.

48:38 Adam What's different about that skin than the skin on your elbow?

48:43 Dr. Bruce I don't I don't know. I can be able to answer the question adequately.

48:46 Adam But all right. Fine. You don't know. But it's a part that they're cutting off. So I guess we can use it.

48:51 Dr. Bruce Right.

48:51 Adam What do you think of stem cell? What about all that stuff? I mean, you hear everyone talking about it like, well, if if Bush would just put his rubber stamp on on it, we could just go ahead and cure cancer once and for all. But what about it?

49:06 Dr. Bruce Yeah. Well, I think there are unrealistic expectations out of what you're going to get for stem cell research. But the bottom line is I think you can have respect for for human life and still use embryonic tissue to do research. But again, you get the religious right getting into politics and they should just mind their own business.

49:24 Adam Of course. And no one else has a problem with every president we have in there talking about, you know, talking to God and having quiet moments and all that all the prayer talk and all that. Nobody nobody has any issue with that. It never seems to pop up. As a matter of fact, we couldn't get a guy in office who just said, look, my religion or my faith, my own business, it's not going to enter my decision making. My decision making is, you know, based on logic, numbers and just basically it's pragmatism.

49:57 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

49:58 Adam There's no faith here.

49:59 Dr. Bruce Well, they're going to ask, even Kerry, he's pro choice. And so they don't want to give him communion or some of the priests don't. So I mean, all these things, it seems to me, religion and state need to be separated at more levels. Well, here, here, special interest groups.

50:12 Adam All right. Before, before I get on my high horse and the spinoff into some sort of direction that you'll never be able to get me back. Stem cell. Is it important? Would you do you think it'll yield the sort of gains that they're talking about 20 years from now?

50:30 Dr. Bruce Not even 20 years from now when you're looking at diabetics that need this type of cells that produce insulin. You know, with stem cells, you have a lot of the immune identification that the body does to reject other tissues. Right. You don't, you know, you don't have that problem. They can also grow.

50:46 Adam And did they have any cell line? They had these issues with organ transplants 45, 50 years ago, right?

50:52 Dr. Bruce Very similar. Various concerns over the ages. Anytime you have religious views that are well, this represents the the heart represents.

51:02 Adam Right. And what and what you know, there's this whole thing that everyone has to get over this sort of doctors playing God. Obviously, if you're saving people's lives or unplugging them from equipment, there's a certain God factor. I mean, let's face it. You're yeah, you're playing God. You save someone who was supposed to die or unplug the machine that you built to keep him alive and now he's dead. I want doctors playing God. That's their job. I don't I don't want other you know, I don't want bus drivers doing it. But yeah, if I'm you know, someone if I roll into some ER and if unattended, I would die in 10 minutes. I want the guy to play God and save me.

51:46 Dr. Bruce Right.

51:46 Adam Why is it OK? It's like, oh, it's, you know, it's OK for him to play God by keeping the guy alive for two years on a on a respirator. But if the guy says he's going to pull the plug on it now, he's playing God. How about the fact that guy was supposed to be dead?

52:00 Dr. Bruce Right.

52:01 Adam That's God, too. So playing good God and playing bad God, which which is it? It's such a it's such a bizarre, f'd up slope that we're on with this when it comes to religion and what doctors can and can't do. And then and then what happens is, is 20 years goes by or 40 years goes by and we look at it like, oh, man, they were like primitive man.

52:24 Dr. Bruce Right.

52:25 Adam They want the guy to have a heart transplant because they claim that was the soul of another. You know, this is the kind of talk that was going around 30, 40 years ago. I mean, before there was a heart transplant. I mean, they're relatively new, right?

52:37 Dr. Bruce Right.

52:38 Adam And it's the same old stuff.

52:40 Dr. Bruce Well, with stem cells, then you get into, you know, it's like the abortion camp, the anti-abortion. And then you also have the cloning issues. Well, you know, can we take a cell and grow a human being? The ethicists will be arguing ad infinitum.

52:57 Adam I know. I know.

52:59 Dr. Bruce Ultimately, be some other country that is not regulating it and things will just go on there.

53:04 Adam I know. But it's these I'll tell you what drives me nuts is the slippery slope pussies. These guys were the retarded slippery slope argument with every argue against anything with a. Yeah. Well, if your argument against something is ten stages down the road, something bad could happen then. Yeah. Everything's a slippery slope. I mean, like you go like, well, I'd like to take your daughter to the prom. Well, you could get drunk and then you could T bone a tanker truck and my daughter could be burned over 90 percent of her body. It's a slippery slope. She'll be staying at home.

53:38 Dr. Bruce Right.

53:39 Adam Everything's a slippery slope. Of course. It's like it's the Kevorkian thing that always drives me nuts. It's like, he kills, if he can put people out of their misery who are in advanced stages of Lou Gehrig's disease, what's the stop from just putting a pillow over your teenager's head when he comes in for a physical play a little Pop Warner football? Slippery slope. What? Really? It's the same retarded argument the NRA makes all the time. You get rid of these 40 round cop killer banana clips, you make those illegal, next thing you know, we're all using plastic sporks in our house because the government's not going to trust us with a steak knife.

54:16 Dr. Bruce Right. It's both sides of the fence.

54:18 Adam They just are. They're idiots. They don't actually believe it. The NRA doesn't believe they're going to, government's going to march into the house and once your kid registers BB gun. They just say that because everything becomes stalled in the argument stage and they never get out of it. NRA's smart. The smokers should have done this, by the way. You see what I'm saying? NRA fights everything and it never gets out of that stage.

54:41 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

54:41 Adam They're still arguing over where the guy's going to have grenade launchers or not. It never gets to the handguns. They're smart. Smokers, they should have, they should have taken a trick from the NRAs. What do they have? What do you keep your tricks in? A bag.

54:55 Caller A bag.

54:56 Adam The trick bag. That's where they keep it. Because smokers were like, think about it, smoke was like, hey, look, we're going to need you guys to sit in a separate section of the airplane. Oh, all right. Yeah, sure. We'll go over here. Yeah. You guys at the restaurant, we're going to need you to move you over here. We're going to need you to move you outside. You're going to stand outside. You stand too close. I know you're outside, but you need to go down the sidewalk a little bit. Yeah. You guys smoking on the beach. The beach. There'll be no smoke. Yeah. We got a neighbor lives downstairs of the apartment you're in. He says he can smell your we're going to need you to. Hey, you. Yeah. You got kids. Yeah. If you got kids and you smoke, I know you're going on the balcony. We're going to need you to stop smoking. That's what it's gotten to. It took about eight years for guys. Guys were happily smoking away on airplanes and now they can't smoke on the beach. This is why we smokers should have fought.

55:49 Dr. Bruce That's right.

55:50 Adam But then you have the slippery slope and the NRA would have done and I would have went smoking on airplanes. No, well, no, this is an outrage. Someone go get the Constitution. Get Chuck Heston to light up a pack of butts. If something's good, we'll stage a protest.

56:03 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

56:04 Adam Well, I mean, they would still be arguing about the plane.

56:07 Dr. Bruce Well, the plane's crazy. You got this tube flying through the sky and I'm going to sit in the front. You're just sitting in the back and it's like the smoke isn't going behind it was like smoking a pack of cigarettes flying in the no smoking section.

56:18 Adam Yeah, that that that I agree with. But the point is now what was your point? You had a point?

56:23 Dr. Bruce Well, the slippery slope can go both ways. You can argue as far as the research goes, though, it's it they have taken a lesson from the NRA and it's like, don't don't let you know, don't let any research go on because it's connected to the abortion argument. It's just like having a law. If you murder someone that's pregnant, oh, well, we can't say that that's a double murder because then we're acknowledging the right the humanity of the fetus. It's just all crazy.

56:48 Adam Yeah, but these these, you know, people act like we're going to harvest these stem cells from people that have been gestating for eight months or someone's just going to put a fisherman's gaffe up up the chick, yank out a squirming kid, hit him with a baseball bat and start harvesting his cells. There's nothing. There's no kid. It's not like they're taking they're taking cells from a kid. It's just a grouping of cells.

57:11 Dr. Bruce But there's so much ignorance. Look at the morning after pill arguments. These people think that you're that you're spewing out a two celled embryo and that that's an abortion, which, you know, as Drew points out all the time, that's got nothing to do with the mechanism of the morning after pill.

57:26 Adam But just to be clear on the stem cell thing, the stem cells would be derived from aborted, but not really aborted because there's really nothing. I mean, fertilized eggs that have not turned into any shape or form.

57:44 Dr. Bruce Yeah. The point is, once it's fertilized in these people's minds, it is a potential human. It's a human life.

57:50 Adam Right. But we're talking about a blob the size of a dime, yes, or less.

57:56 Dr. Bruce Right. Talking about microscopic.

57:58 Caller Right.

57:58 Dr. Bruce Microscopic.

57:59 Adam Can't even see it. And that's where we're getting the cells.

58:04 Dr. Bruce Right. Whether it's the 2, 4, 8, 16 cells, whatever it is, the argument goes.

58:08 Adam So, I mean, we're harvesting cells from something that can't be seen with the naked eye.

58:14 Dr. Bruce You're starting the cell line. Right. Now, I'm not a microbiologist.

58:18 Adam And those stem cells could be beneficial.

58:21 Dr. Bruce Oh, absolutely. They're non-differentiated. I mean, and there are different ways of...

58:25 Adam And when you say non-differentiated, meaning they don't know if they're supposed to be a liver or a lung.

58:31 Dr. Bruce Right. Absolutely.

58:32 Adam Or, in my case, a brow.

58:33 Dr. Bruce Yeah, in your case. Yeah.

58:35 Caller Yeah.

58:35 Adam So, you could put them into the body and they could go or put them into the damaged area and they could regenerate that area?

58:43 Dr. Bruce Yeah. Like Christopher Reeves is so anxious to get this research going in terms of spinal cord injury.

58:47 Adam Right.

58:48 Dr. Bruce Can we regenerate destroyed or damaged or others nervous tissue, nervous system tissue that we never...

58:55 Adam And the idea would be to take these cells that, what did you call them? They're undeclared, undecided.

59:01 Dr. Bruce Undifferentiated.

59:02 Adam They were like bad college students without a major. And we're going to take these things and we're going to essentially inject them into the area where it was damaged, like Christopher Reeves would be a spina, and they would in theory start rejuvenating the area.

59:19 Dr. Bruce There's just so many diseases like Parkinson's disease. This is where Reagan, they're so vehement about, listen, we need to move on with this research.

59:27 Adam And now, I thought Reagan...

59:29 Dr. Bruce Spoke at the, yeah, he was speaking as a Democrat.

59:32 Adam Ronald, well, Ronald Senior. Yeah, but the Senior Reagan, who had the Alzheimer's, was against the stem cell research.

59:41 Dr. Bruce No, you know, back in the 80s, well, that's the, I don't know, and he hasn't, he was sick for quite a while, so I don't know the politics of that, but definitely Nancy Reagan. I think they're saying, look, this shouldn't be a Republican versus Democratic issue. It's a scientific...

59:53 Adam Would it have helped his condition?

59:55 Dr. Bruce No, it's not at that, it's not at that point yet, but... Potentially. Yeah, the idea is this, I don't, I don't know all the biology of it, but apparently some of the stem cell lines that are available, you need more, you need a wider variety of stem cell lines to do adequate research to develop the specific lines that would go for pancreas or brain tissue. It's a very, very complex issue. They need to be left alone. They need to...

1:00:20 Adam No, you're a religious man, but even you draw the line at something you can't see.

1:00:25 Dr. Bruce I think people that are extremely religious and not spiritual, they tend to limit God. And that's what you see down through the ages. People were limiting other people based on their concept of what God would want. How do all these people know so certainly what God would want in terms of...

1:00:41 Caller Please. What God for the love of Christ?

1:00:44 Adam Would you idiots grow up? Please stop it. How insecure do you got to be? Oh, I got a personal relationship with him. He's looking out for me. Really? Why is your life so crappy? Why all the tragedy?

1:00:57 Dr. Bruce My life was crazy when I mentioned I believed in creationism to bad religion. I was surprised. Remember that?

1:01:01 Adam Really? If you had a God, would he be punishing you the way he's doing it?

1:01:05 Dr. Bruce In my case?

1:01:06 Caller Yeah.

1:01:07 Adam What did you do wrong? What did you do in your last life? I don't know.

1:01:12 Dr. Bruce Come on.

1:01:13 Adam You're a good guy. You're righteous. You spread the good news.

1:01:16 Dr. Bruce The devil is tormenting me because I'm a good person. It's like Job.

1:01:20 Adam All right. Listen, everybody, with the God and the devil stuff. Really? Really? That's you guys. Free thinking.

1:01:27 Dr. Bruce You need a realistic. Look at CS. Lewis. There are spiritual religious thinkers that have written rationally about God and making choices and people like CS. Lewis.

1:01:37 Adam Well, look, here's the deal, everybody. If we got our God, then they got Allah and they got the 72 virgins and he told them. He told them to blow themselves up in the crowded market. Why not?

1:01:53 Dr. Bruce My Muslim friends are so abhorred by all. I mean, it's an important situation.

1:01:57 Adam Be nice if one of them said something every once in a while, by the way. It'd be nice if one of them piped up every once in a blue moon about it.

1:02:06 Dr. Bruce I have a friend that's in an organization of capitalist Muslims in the United States, and they have the hardest time getting airtime. They wanted to get on Bill Maher.

1:02:13 Adam Really? We wouldn't put them on.

1:02:16 Caller All right.

1:02:16 Adam Let's. All I'm saying is, is if you got your God, then they got their God, then everyone gets to have their God, and then their God gets to tell them what to do.

1:02:25 Dr. Bruce Yeah, but I don't argue with my my God.

1:02:29 Adam Our God told us not to save Christopher Reeves with any stem cell research. But our God tells them to go into a marketplace and Tel Aviv and blow somebody up. All right. We're even.

1:02:40 Dr. Bruce Everybody needs to leave their God at home.

1:02:42 Adam That's my point. I'm just saying, if we listen, listen, you retarded Christians, if you got your God, who is going to let Christopher Reeves rot in his wheelchair his whole life, and you got to respect their God who wants stuff blown up, that's what they said to them. They're interpreting what their God is telling them. Just like you're interpreting your God not wanting to do stem cell research. All right.

1:03:06 Dr. Bruce I didn't say that.

1:03:07 Adam Fair is fair. No, I'm just saying for those people.

1:03:09 Caller Right.

1:03:10 Dr. Bruce Right. Absolutely.

1:03:11 Adam If you got those people, if your God exists, then so does theirs. And if he wants, if your God wants you not to do this and their God wants him to do that, hey, you got to respect it now.

1:03:21 Caller Idiots.

1:03:21 Adam Of course. And then who gets the crap kicked out of them?

1:03:25 Dr. Bruce Here's the deal.

1:03:26 Adam I say, atheists, what do we get? We get no stem cell and blown up in Tel Aviv for nothing.

1:03:30 Dr. Bruce You got a bad deal.

1:03:31 Adam Yeah, I get zero.

1:03:32 Dr. Bruce You got porno though.

1:03:33 Adam And then where do I go? Zero. I go nowhere. Right into the ground. Jessica?

1:03:41 You're 14.

1:03:41 Adam Turn the volume up. What do you think about all this? Slippery slope?

1:03:46 Caller All right, baby doll.

1:03:48 Adam Clearly, you have a political agenda, but let's not get to that. Let's just talk about your problem tonight. You're 14, yes?

1:03:57 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:03:58 Adam All right. Did we bother you? Did we wake you up?

1:04:01 Caller No.

1:04:01 Adam All right, then pipe up. Act like you're on the radio, would you?

1:04:05 Caller All right.

1:04:06 Adam So what's your question?

1:04:07 Caller I was wondering if it was normal to have big breaths when you're only 14.

1:04:12 Adam No.

1:04:13 Dr. Bruce Yes. It can happen.

1:04:15 Adam It certainly can happen.

1:04:17 Caller Okay, because I'm like all the guys at my school, people like always say that like I that they're faking everything and they're not.

1:04:26 Adam They don't think they're fake. Think they're someone in the eighth grade with fake boobs.

1:04:31 Dr. Bruce Listen, guys in junior high are morons. They don't know they're just harassing you. And that's why some women and even some teenagers seek breast reduction surgery. And I believe you had an expert on the show that was that did a lot of breast reduction surgery. But it's a difficult thing. It's a genetic thing. You some girls develop very early and it's a it's a difficult. Their studies have been done. They're more.

1:04:59 Adam You're all right.

1:05:00 Dr. Bruce Yeah, you're all right.

1:05:01 Adam But you're you're what's what. How tall are you? Five ten. So tall. Fourteen years old. Five ten.

1:05:11 Caller Yes.

1:05:12 Adam All right. How much do you weigh?

1:05:14 Caller I think it's one twenty five.

1:05:17 Adam One twenty five. Wow.

1:05:19 Dr. Bruce Almost underweight.

1:05:20 Adam And and what size? What's your breast size?

1:05:24 Caller Thirty eight C.

1:05:25 Adam Thirty eight C.

1:05:27 Dr. Bruce So you're otherwise quite thin. Below ideal body weight.

1:05:31 Adam Hold on a second. Thirty eight is way too big for someone who's five ten and one twenty five.

1:05:39 Dr. Bruce Right. Well, I mean, the idea is what's way too big. The point.

1:05:42 Adam I don't mean I don't mean the boobs, the number, the thirty eight part should be like a thirty four.

1:05:47 Dr. Bruce Right. That's a good point.

1:05:48 Adam See what I'm saying? Are you sure it's a thirty eight C? Listen, I'm a bit of a bra expert and it sounds something sounds wrong. Guys get caught up in the number, but it's really it's really the cup size. Thank you. All right. So look, are you are you depressed about other things as well?

1:06:07 Caller All right.

1:06:08 Dr. Bruce So I mean, have you had any overt abuse or is it just been a verbal abuse is horrible to to go through. But anything else? Any physical abuse?

1:06:18 Caller No, guys just like try to sexually harass me and stuff. And I just was wondering if it's normal to have that size.

1:06:27 Dr. Bruce That's it's a normal theory. In other words, what's normal biologically is a wide range of normal. And you are normal. The problem is the guys at that age are totally insensitive. Yeah, they don't think before they speak.

1:06:39 Adam They don't. It freaks the chicks out. They're not. They don't mean anything by. I used to do it myself.

1:06:44 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:06:45 Adam Well into my 30s.

1:06:45 Caller Yeah.

1:06:46 Adam So listen, Jessica, here's the deal. First off, when you're the first one to spring boobs, all the attention gets shifted to you. And another six months or a year, all the other girls will start popping up and guys will get distracted. And here's the whole thing, everybody. Girls would like to be noticed by boys. We get into this weird thing where it's like, yeah, I'd like to be noticed by boys, but not for that. What's the big difference between having a nice ass and having a nice rack? Guys notice a nice pair of legs, it's no problem. There's no problem, women don't look at themselves as being somehow used because, oh, she's got a nice set of legs, but what about a nice set of blue eyes? What about nice high cheekbones? What about long blonde hair?

1:07:40 Dr. Bruce The difference here is a 14 year old is a 14 year old and her defense, psychologically her defenses haven't developed, her ability to tolerate this kind of abuse is much less than it would be.

1:07:54 Adam I understand that, but you're tall, you sound like you have an amazing figure, 14 is a little early for it to kick in, the other girls will be kicking in next six months or a year and you'll be fine.

1:08:08 Dr. Bruce You need some support though. What happens with early bloomers like this, you don't have the support of the other girls because they're jealous, they're upset, then the guys are harassing her, she sounds depressed.

1:08:19 Adam She sounds like she's depressed about other things. She's focusing on this. Look, look.

1:08:24 Dr. Bruce You're very self-conscious at 14, you feel like you're on stage.

1:08:28 Adam I don't care.

1:08:29 Dr. Bruce That's part of adolescence.

1:08:30 Adam I don't want to feed people's fire when I think what it needs is a nice wet rag tossed on it, which is get over it. It's not that big a deal. If there's a problem with someone overtly abusing you verbally or sexually, report it.

1:08:47 Dr. Bruce What's important is she calls here, we're telling her you're okay, you're normal.

1:08:51 Adam There's nothing wrong with you.

1:08:52 Dr. Bruce Right. But she needs that kind of support on a day to day basis.

1:08:54 Adam Yeah, but I don't want to tell her, oh, it's really tough. Being the focus of everyone's assault is going to be very difficult.

1:09:02 Dr. Bruce Look, you need to tell her both things you're telling her. It is, it's tough, you're going through something.

1:09:06 Adam You're not crazy for feeling this way, but there probably isn't. Here's the thing. There's not a girl that went through junior high or high school that either wasn't felt like you, that she got the attention or didn't get any attention and felt even worse. Think about all the dumpy chicks who just guys don't even look up when they walk by. Their self-esteem is off the charts.

1:09:33 Dr. Bruce So she needs to pull herself up by the boots.

1:09:35 Adam I mean, when I say off the charts, I mean in the bottom of the charts, not the top, like you usually hear about. There's a chart, you know, the chart starts at the bottom and then it goes to the top. This is just the bottom part of the chart.

1:09:46 Dr. Bruce So she needs to quit feeling sorry for herself, is what you'd say.

1:09:49 Adam Listen, I don't really mean it that way. I just mean, don't think that everyone who passes you and looks at you is staring at your chest. Number one. Number two, everyone goes through this. And number three, I'm trying to have you make some lemonade out of lemons here. You got two nice lemons. Make some lemonade. You're you sound like a beautiful woman. That's fine. So it came up early. You get a whole life of beauty out of it. Oh, all right. All right. All right. I'm just saying everyone's got a problem. The hot chicks got a problem that they're not being taken seriously. The dumpy chicks got a problem because they can't get a prom date. Everybody's got a problem. The chicks with the with the nice chest have a problem because people are only want to date them for that. The flat chicks got have a problem with the ones with the nice chest. Just stop it. Everybody you just sort of are you are everyone has their own cross the bear. Everyone in high school and junior high feels a little out of place, feels a little uncomfortable, wishes their hair was a little less brillo or their teeth were a little less bucky.

1:10:50 Dr. Bruce You can communicate that. But what I'm saying is the whole reason I think I did the field of adolescent medicine took shape is because there's a difference in the way the brain functions in the early adolescence, mid and late adolescence. So somebody is 13 or 14. It doesn't isn't able to abstract everything's I'm telling them to you.

1:11:10 Adam I'm endowing them with that ability.

1:11:11 Dr. Bruce So she needs extra support from her bra.

1:11:15 Caller Right.

1:11:17 Adam You're not a victim. You have a nice rack and you're tall. Don't look at yourself as a leper. That's all. Well, have some friends, make some friends.

1:11:26 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:11:27 Adam Just make friends.

1:11:27 Dr. Bruce Right.

1:11:28 Adam Everybody make friends, would you for Christ's sake?

1:11:30 Dr. Bruce Can't we all just get together? Yeah. Get along.

1:11:35 Adam Yeah. Make some friends.

1:11:37 Dr. Bruce All right.

1:11:37 Adam Well, take yourselves a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:11:47 Caller Love Line is brought to you by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration.

1:11:51 Dr. Bruce Law enforcement is cracking down from coast to coast.

1:11:54 Caller No matter where you are, if you drive under the influence, you will be arrested. You drink and drive, you lose.

1:12:09 Adam Hey, buddy, Love Line, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Bruce filling in for Dr. Drew, Lisa Loeb.

1:12:17 Dr. Bruce Huh?

1:12:17 Adam Lisa Loeb in Tuesday. And Wednesday, Jenna Jamison. Well, I'll tell you, if you're a guy, you're gonna like one or the other of them, or anything, something in between, because they represent the sort of spectrum of women. You got that sort of cute little minx, Lisa Loeb, she's very, she's like an elf, but cute. You know what I mean? And then you got that sort of blonde, big fake boob, sex kitten, Jenna Jamison.

1:12:48 Dr. Bruce My goodness.

1:12:48 Adam I think, but I think they're fake, but there's something there before. And we're gonna have to get into that with her.

1:12:57 Dr. Bruce Oh, I'm sure she'll, full disclosure is always the rule with those guys.

1:13:02 Caller Yeah, yeah.

1:13:04 Adam You have to sign some sort of, you have to take some sort of oath where you can't lie or do drugs before you get into pornography. Most of them adhere to it. It's, they're really like the Freemasons or something. It's a fraternal thing.

1:13:17 Dr. Bruce There's something secret going on. She seems to be all over the news though, because.

1:13:21 Adam I don't think she's got a book out about guys she's banged.

1:13:25 Dr. Bruce Is that what that is?

1:13:26 Adam I don't know. So it's like celebrity. You gotta feel sorry for these poor celebrities.

1:13:34 Dr. Bruce I wouldn't know.

1:13:35 Adam Well, I mean, you know, you're some guy to party and you know, there's Jenna Jameson and you're a Charlie Sheen and you hit her up and well, maybe not Charlie Sheen. Everyone knows what he's up to. But let's say you're nice. You know, most men have a drive, even the so-called good ones, the nice ones, family ones. They get hooked up or whatever. Then five years later, a book comes out.

1:14:00 Dr. Bruce One of the Baldwin brothers, you could use that for an example. The guy that hit you over the head with the Bible.

1:14:05 Adam Yeah. Oh, that was on Stern. Is that what you're talking about?

1:14:08 Dr. Bruce No, I was here when-

1:14:09 Adam Oh, when he was here?

1:14:10 Dr. Bruce Did you do that in Stern too?

1:14:11 Adam I did Stern with Stephen Baldwin about three weeks ago.

1:14:14 Dr. Bruce He still-

1:14:15 Adam He hit me with the Bible again. Still preaching.

1:14:18 Dr. Bruce That's good.

1:14:19 Adam Still sharing the good news. Are you ready to rock, Bruce?

1:14:23 Dr. Bruce Me?

1:14:24 Adam Yeah.

1:14:24 Dr. Bruce I'm ready to rock.

1:14:25 Adam Bruce filling in for Drew, by the way. Board certified, all the same stuff. Drew back tomorrow night, quickly, because Bruce does all his laser business and does all that nonsense for the ladies. Saw a thing on, I don't know, 2020 or whatever it was over the weekend, and watched those. You know, when I'm not watching the History Channel, watching all the thing about Hitler, I like to watch those magazine shows. And they did a whole thing, a whole test on things that claim to get rid of cellulite.

1:14:54 Dr. Bruce Ah, mesotherapy.

1:14:55 Adam They did the, no, they didn't do the mesotherapy. It's a quiet, but that was something else. That's the injection, right? That may work.

1:15:02 Dr. Bruce It does, I do that.

1:15:03 Adam All right, but quiet. Here's the three options they gave you. They gave you some sort of laser thing.

1:15:08 Dr. Bruce Endermology.

1:15:09 Adam Yeah, some kind of laser zappy, whatever, clinic-y thing, had to get 15 or 20 sessions. That's not a laser. Then they gave the topical cream stuff. And then they gave some sort of exercise shoes, where you put them on and it's like running in sand and it stimulates the whatever. All three, just a big zero. Just before and after pictures, exactly same as they were six weeks earlier before they started the treatment.

1:15:37 Dr. Bruce Yeah, the endermology thing, it's like rollers and a suction of vacuum. Yeah, and you roll over there.

1:15:43 Adam It's not a laser.

1:15:43 Dr. Bruce It's FDA approved as possibly beneficial.

1:15:46 Adam Here's the whole thing. Here's what I'm saying to everybody. The pills you take to make your penis bigger, the pills you take to make your boobs bigger, the cream you rub on to get rid of your dimply thigh fat and all that stuff. If it's easy and it doesn't cost anything and no one's cutting India and there's not some $500, 000 thing that runs off a 220, it ain't working. If you think you just get yourself some mail order pills and make the dork bigger or the thighs nicer, forget about it.

1:16:17 Dr. Bruce Well, yeah, yeah. Okay, I'll get into the suction thing for the dork.

1:16:21 Adam Oh, a suction thing. Well, the suction thing-

1:16:23 Dr. Bruce Or traction.

1:16:24 Adam Well, look, if yes, if you want, okay, if you want to hang a 10 pound weight from your penis and you want to do it for the next three years, you'll get a little bit of extra length out of it.

1:16:36 Dr. Bruce Right.

1:16:36 Adam I mean, look-

1:16:37 Dr. Bruce There is some stimulation of cell growth, linear-

1:16:40 Adam Look, I know, because my right nostril's bigger from picking it while I drive. And so I know I've blown it out just all the years of me auguring it out with my left index finger. You see, look, it's visibly bigger. You don't see anything. Chris, can you tell which nostril I've picked more?

1:17:02 Caller No.

1:17:02 Adam No, so you've got a good answer.

1:17:04 Dr. Bruce Chris is a setup. He's not going to be honest.

1:17:06 Adam Susan? You're 20?

1:17:10 Caller Yes.

1:17:11 Adam All right, what's up? You getting out of your car?

1:17:17 Caller I'm sorry, I don't want to have the radio on.

1:17:19 Adam Yeah, let me say something about these cars. Do we need all the goddamn buzzers? Like, okay, the key's in. I know, I'm taking it out. How about a little delay? How about this? You can't lock your keys in your car anymore, really. They're all worked out that way. Do I need the buzzers going off for everything all the time? Okay, here's what I want to say. How about a car where I can flip, you give me a choice. I don't want the buzzer. I don't want the thing where the lights are on. I don't want the thing where the door's ajar. I don't want the thing where the thing's off and the ignition. I don't want all the, there's nothing worse than that thing where you shut your car and then you're like talking to someone through the window and it's like, meep, meep, meep. You're like, yeah, and about the 26.1, you start freaking out.

1:18:01 Dr. Bruce Yeah. It should be like your cell phone. You can program it in.

1:18:03 Adam Yeah, just shut it off.

1:18:04 Dr. Bruce What's wrong with these people?

1:18:05 Adam You just put a little switch on the thing. A little toggle or yeah, just program it in. Or how about you just, you know, when you buy the car from the dealer, he says you want the super annoying, repetitive beeping thing going off all the time. And by the way, the one that goes off to tell you your lights have been left on, it's useless because you tune out all beeps now. My wife ran the battery out of her car. Let me tell you something about women. What's going on with their brains? My wife gets out of the car. She leaves the lights on. And of course the battery's dead the next morning. And her take is the keys bad. There's something wrong with the key to the car. But the point is, she got out of the car with all the beeping going on. And you just tune it out. You just ignore it. And then I went down to check it. And the first thing I did was check to see what position the light switch is in, which she had switched back and made no mention of it. So she switches the light switch back to automatic from the manual one where they were on. Doesn't say anything and keeps saying to me, I think the key's bad, the key's bad. Then tries the second key, tries the spare key and announces that one's bad too.

1:19:19 Dr. Bruce Well, that's a bad sign.

1:19:20 Adam We gotta get you into clinical research, sweetie. No, both keys aren't bad. Both keys are doing the same thing. That means they're both good. They didn't both go bad overnight. And secondly, and so I had to go down, so I'm like, what is going on? And where the, was the light switch where? No, I flipped it back.

1:19:36 Dr. Bruce Oh, she told you. Luckily you asked her, you thought it's an electrical problem and you would have been.

1:19:39 Adam I know when a car battery's gone and I know what drives them out. But the point is, don't want to pipe up that you actually took the light switch and put it from the picture of the headlight and switched it back to the auto position.

1:19:54 Dr. Bruce Ah, but you're wife's one of the nicest people I know. What I think, they should put a moron chip in smoke detectors.

1:19:58 Adam She's no Colombo.

1:19:59 Dr. Bruce They should put a moron chip in smoke detectors so people could turn off the beeper when the battery runs out, cause they don't change them anyway. How do you like that?

1:20:06 Adam Nah, I give it a five. Susan? All right. Now see your car got us going. So now you're out of the car and let's see. Boyfriend keeps coming after, oh, boyfriend keeps coming after he orgasms during oral sex. He keeps going after he orgasms when he receives oral sex?

1:20:33 Caller Yeah.

1:20:35 Adam What does that mean? He keeps going.

1:20:37 Caller What happens is, okay, I'm giving him oral sex and he has his first orgasm. After that's gone, he's like, keep going. So just recently I started, you know, I would keep going after that and there's a liquid. It's not so much of what came out the first time. It's more of a liquid that comes out the second time.

1:20:59 Adam Tranny fluid.

1:21:00 Caller Yeah, and I'm really wondering what it is.

1:21:03 Dr. Bruce Can you make this into more of a car analogy for Adam?

1:21:08 Adam And would he, does he feel a second orgasm?

1:21:12 Caller He said it feels like pressure is being released. So it doesn't quite feel like the first one.

1:21:18 Adam How old is he?

1:21:20 Caller He's 22.

1:21:21 Dr. Bruce I mean, does it feel good or is it just pressure?

1:21:23 Caller It feels good. It feels good.

1:21:25 Dr. Bruce Well, how long are we, what are we talking about?

1:21:27 Caller 30 seconds or two minutes or what will happen is like the fluid will come out for maybe a few seconds and it'll stop and then it'll go again and it'll stop for as long as I go. It'll go.

1:21:38 Dr. Bruce There's not enough of any of those fluids. I hope it's not the bladder releasing.

1:21:48 Adam Maybe it's tapped into some hopper that's underneath the bed. I'll do that once in a while. I'll run a, I'll have a 22 gallon hopper fluid. I keep, it's a viscous material I'll keep under the bed and I'll just rub it, run a tube up through the, through the box, bring through the mesh into my anus, actually feed it out my urethra and chicks will be freaked out. Like, oh my God, I'm swimming in fluid here. Where's this all coming from? Like, hey, just how God made me, baby.

1:22:16 Dr. Bruce Yeah, that's, yeah, it's really, does, is he on any medic? Is he on any medication? Cause there are medications that could affect the duration and the intensity of orgasm and cause something like this.

1:22:28 Caller High blood pressure, so you take pills for that. But I was just wondering, I was more concerned. He said it, it doesn't, that's what I was asking is it might be urine. And he said it doesn't feel the same when he urinates.

1:22:42 Adam No, it's not urine. You would know if it was urine.

1:22:44 Caller Well, I didn't, well, it doesn't, it's not.

1:22:46 Dr. Bruce No, it's, I mean, that can happen where if you continue stimulation after an orgasm, you can have urine come out.

1:22:53 Adam Well, let's just figure something out. You give him oral sex and he has an orgasm. And then he still has an erection and he says, keep going. God bless you, by the way, for keep going.

1:23:10 Dr. Bruce So he maintains his erection during this whole process.

1:23:14 Adam Yes, and he says, keep going. And then a few moments later, more fluid follows. Just minutes, just seconds later.

1:23:23 Caller Probably maybe 10, 15 seconds later.

1:23:26 Adam 10, 15 seconds later. Here comes the second round of fluid. Wow, what a saint we're speaking to, by the way. And then the fecal matter comes. But I stay with it. What a gal. All right. And then the fluid comes. Now this fluid is clear. And-

1:23:47 Caller I don't know what color it is.

1:23:48 Adam Fine, lights are off and you're drunk. So the fluid keeps coming and that fluid will keep coming indefinitely.

1:23:57 Caller No, well, yeah, it'll, I've only done, it's only happened, the longest it's happened, maybe it was about four times. And that's when I'm like, okay, well, you know, it pretty much stopped after that.

1:24:08 Adam What do you mean four times?

1:24:10 Caller Like you'll have this first orgasm and then it'll go for about maybe 10, maybe five, 10 seconds and then it'll stop. And then it'll start again and it'll stop. So it's done that about four times. All right.

1:24:23 Dr. Bruce I just think it's something to do with the medication.

1:24:25 Adam And he might be just having a multi, he's 22.

1:24:28 Dr. Bruce He's 22 and high blood pressure.

1:24:30 Adam But by the way, 22, you do that, like you're getting a BJ, your orgasm, you're like, no, keep going, keep going. When you get about our age, it's like, ah, don't touch me, don't look at me. That's it, just take the money and leave. Just keep walking. Shut the door.

1:24:51 Dr. Bruce You're married.

1:24:52 Adam I never, oh yeah. I never won another blow job. That's it, I'm done. I say fet, the blow jobs. Oh, they're, yeah. You got a calf cramp, you got it, you're dehydrating, you gotta get something to eat. You don't get into that, keep going. You think you're gonna do that, keep going halfway into it. You're like, oh, I'm going, this is definitely two. I'm going for two. One ain't gonna be enough. Two. And then it's like, all right, what's on TV? What's at TiVo? We got TiVo set up for.

1:25:22 Dr. Bruce Right, right.

1:25:23 Adam Do you ever do that, Bruce? Do you ever do that? I'm going for two. This babe's maybe a hat trick and then it's like. All right, well that's.

1:25:31 Dr. Bruce Take the money around or you porn turn it off immediately.

1:25:34 Adam Thank you.

1:25:34 Dr. Bruce This is boring now. Hope my four year old's not listening still.

1:25:39 Adam He, she is fine. We don't know what the sex of the child is yet.

1:25:42 Dr. Bruce Yeah, I think Susan Sharer. He should get collected sample and have the doctor check him in the sample.

1:25:47 Adam High blood pressure, 22, bad sign. All right, we're going to take a break. When we come back, lesbian girlfriend has been cheating.

1:25:57 Dr. Bruce Kissing others.

1:25:59 Adam Oh, I just said cheating. Would you quite? Do you understand you just watered it down? Upgrade it. Go ahead.

1:26:06 Dr. Bruce Okay. I'm afraid I blew it for that one, but.

1:26:09 Adam All right. Well, who knows what she's been doing besides kissing. That's just where it starts.

1:26:13 Dr. Bruce Ah.

1:26:14 Adam Uh-huh. Yes.

1:26:15 Caller Yeah.

1:26:16 Dr. Bruce And there's some, there's always violence involved in these situations.

1:26:18 Adam Gratuitous.

1:26:19 Dr. Bruce That's right. We're hostages.

1:26:21 Adam We'll take it easy. No, you can wear. Take it. Ooh. There's a 36 double D call. It's advice for dealing with big boobs at a young age.

1:26:30 Dr. Bruce Wow.

1:26:30 Adam All right.

1:26:31 Caller Hold on.

1:26:32 Adam Dr. Bruce in for Dr. Drew. We'll be right back after this.

1:26:44 Caller Drew, how much money do guys spend trying to get chicks? Into the billions? Condoms, hair plugs.

1:26:53 Adam All they need is a max deodorant body spray and a million dollars. Dr. Bruce, filling in for Dr. Drew and doing a yeoman's job.

1:27:14 Dr. Bruce Yo, man.

1:27:18 Adam Is that a nautical thing, the yeoman?

1:27:22 Dr. Bruce Oh.

1:27:22 Adam Doing a yeoman's job.

1:27:23 Dr. Bruce That's a history channel question.

1:27:26 Adam I think it's one of those sort of ships of the line thing. I think it's one of those old sailing things.

1:27:32 Dr. Bruce Yeah, stern aft yeoman.

1:27:34 Adam It's doing a yeoman's job. Chris, look up yeoman. No, not yeoman.

1:27:40 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:27:41 Adam Yeoman. And while you're there, find out what a boatswains mate is too.

1:27:46 Dr. Bruce No, that's a good one.

1:27:49 Adam Every guy I ever met who was in the Navy, it's like, what'd you do? Boatswains mate. What is that? I can't tell you. First off, it's like boatswain.

1:28:01 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:28:01 Adam It's not, you'd think it was boatsman, but it's like boatswain, and I have no idea what they do.

1:28:06 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:28:07 Adam To me, that means you do nothing. You just hang out. You clean stuff.

1:28:10 Dr. Bruce Probably.

1:28:11 Adam Look up boatswain and look up yeoman. Let's go.

1:28:14 Dr. Bruce Let's do a Google search.

1:28:15 Adam Come on, get on the Google.

1:28:17 Dr. Bruce Yeoman.

1:28:18 Adam Sarah? All right, so you're 16. Yeah. And you're lesbian?

1:28:28 Dr. Bruce Really?

1:28:30 Adam What happened? You're angry at dad? Do you get molested? What turned you into a lesbian? Yeah, well. Listen, you lesbians who want to make an argument against the male genitalia, focus on the scrotum. That's a disaster. Wait, you're six. Penis is not so bad. You're 16. That's a war zone.

1:28:53 Dr. Bruce How do you know what you are when you're 16? You need to just relax.

1:28:57 Adam She's just angry at her dad.

1:28:58 Dr. Bruce When did you start having sex with other females?

1:29:03 Caller Last year.

1:29:04 Adam Last year. All right, now folks, we ever molested? You angry at your dad?

1:29:12 Caller No, my dad's really religious.

1:29:14 Adam He's really, really, really, really religious? Oh, well, it's payback time. Yeah, all right.

1:29:23 Dr. Bruce Yeah, really religious. Is he really legalistic? Is it like, if you do this, you're bad. If you don't do that, you're bad, et cetera, et cetera. A lot of rules, not a lot of luck. What?

1:29:37 Adam Yeah, all right. Well, look, here's what I would recommend. Are you white? Find yourself a nice black lesbian or maybe a Puerto Rican lesbian to really piss your dad off. That'll really get him. When the lesbian thing is good, that's a start. You know, it's a good seven, but you want to make that seven a 10? Find somebody with just a crazy nationality and then let's off with them and your dad will really be pissed.

1:30:08 Dr. Bruce Yes.

1:30:09 Adam You know, they don't like that either.

1:30:11 Dr. Bruce So Sarah.

1:30:13 Adam Yeah.

1:30:13 Dr. Bruce Look, you're 16. Here's the bottom line. You don't establish your sexual identity at 16.

1:30:19 Adam Ah, look, she's a lesbian. Good, don't get pregnant.

1:30:21 Dr. Bruce Well, if somebody's cheating, how do you cheat when you're 16? And you don't form these relationships where you're not married.

1:30:27 Adam You have a girlfriend?

1:30:28 Caller Yeah.

1:30:29 Adam And she's kissing other girls?

1:30:32 Caller Yeah.

1:30:34 Adam First off, I don't really believe the call.

1:30:35 Dr. Bruce Yeah, it sounds like a bogus call to me.

1:30:44 Adam I have no idea what she's saying. Listen, Sarah. And her line's all screwed up, so I'm hanging up on her.

1:30:50 Dr. Bruce Well, this one's-

1:30:51 Adam No, look, we got some big boobs down here.

1:30:53 Dr. Bruce Oh yeah.

1:30:53 Adam We got two sets of big boobs. Lisa? Hi. 36 double D?

1:30:59 Caller Yeah.

1:30:59 Adam Yeah, oh.

1:31:02 Caller I'm like, I'm a little girl, like the girl who called in earlier, she's like 5'10", I'm 5'2".

1:31:06 Caller 5'2".

1:31:09 Dr. Bruce So you've gone through the abuse that she was describing. Yeah, what's the advice for?

1:31:14 Caller I think I enjoyed it though, you know? I was really flirty.

1:31:17 Adam We had the, that's fabulous advice. We had a 14-year-old who was developing large breasts, who was getting a lot of unwanted attention from males and she called in about an hour ago. Lisa was gonna give her some advice about going through that same thing herself, but her advice is enjoy it.

1:31:35 Caller Yeah, well, somewhat.

1:31:37 Caller Also, she said she weighed like 125 pounds and she's a 38.

1:31:41 Caller I think she's wearing the wrong size bra, first of all.

1:31:47 Adam She's had this discussion with Bruce on the way to the restaurant.

1:31:51 Dr. Bruce Yeah, Adam was exactly saying that. So you should.

1:31:54 Adam Well, I said it on the air. You're not supposed to be a 38 if you're built like a bean pole, are you? All right. Wait a minute.

1:32:05 Dr. Bruce She'd probably fit in one of Lisa's bras.

1:32:07 Adam Lisa, what are you?

1:32:08 Caller I'm actually like a 34 triple D, but it is impossible to find something like that.

1:32:14 Adam So you're five, two, and are you petite? How much you weigh?

1:32:17 Caller Yeah, I'm little. I weigh like 113.

1:32:22 Adam This is killing me. When are you gonna be 18?

1:32:27 Caller That's enough.

1:32:28 Adam You got a boyfriend?

1:32:29 Caller No, actually I just got out of like a three year relationship.

1:32:35 Adam Very nice. Well, you'll do fine though, right?

1:32:38 Caller Yeah. I think also like, I know when I was 14, like the biggest thing that really bothered me about my breasts was that, cause you know, when they first come in, stretch marks is a really big problem. I know I didn't wear anything that showed any sort of cleavage because my cleavage was like purple and red.

1:32:56 Adam Stretch marky. And the stretch marks diminished over the years?

1:33:00 Caller And like now, they're like completely gone. You can't even tell.

1:33:03 Adam Well, you got to prove it.

1:33:05 Dr. Bruce That's good radio.

1:33:08 Adam I can't help it. I'm a boob man. I know she's young, but in other cultures, when they're married by 15, come on. You know, ancient Roman civilization, old guys would routinely sodomize young lads. It was fine.

1:33:25 Dr. Bruce It's a dream, Adam. It's just a dream.

1:33:27 Adam I know. I like when people have to go back a few thousand years to justify their behavior. Oh, guys, she's a cunk woman over the head dragging her to the cave. Come on. All right, let's take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:33:40 Dr. Bruce All right, guys, here's the deal.

1:33:42 Caller Look in the hookup, call the Dateline. Stick a waist in time with the wrong person. Call the Dateline.

1:33:48 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:33:49 Dr. Bruce One, eight, seven, seven, eight, eight, nine, date. This hour brought you a part by Axe. Experience the Axe Effect.

1:34:07 Adam Well, Bruce just got off the internet. We found out that a yeoman was basically from old England and they protected the royalty. So it's sort of a yeoman is like a guard, beef eater. Almost a secret service agent would be a yeoman today. Yes?

1:34:25 Dr. Bruce So I did a yeoman's job, huh?

1:34:26 Adam Yes, you did.

1:34:28 Dr. Bruce Protecting the royalty.

1:34:29 Adam I think the phrase got twisted around over the years. And Boatswain's mate is just the guy on the ship that.

1:34:37 Dr. Bruce The foreman.

1:34:38 Adam He paints, you know, that's the Boatswain.

1:34:41 Dr. Bruce Oh, mate, right?

1:34:41 Adam It's the guys underneath him. He's doing the mopping, he's doing the painting, he's doing the scrubbing. Well, everyone else is firing the guns and nailing the hot Hawaiian chicks.

1:34:50 Dr. Bruce So I'm Dr. Drew's proverbial.

1:34:52 Adam You'd be my Boatswain's mate and my yeoman. All right, Bruce, wonderful job as usual. Dr. Drew back in tomorrow night. I'm gonna send Bruce and until next time, it's Adam corolla for Dr. Bruce. Say mahalo.

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Sunday, August 22, 2004