Episode 1000638000615

1:09 Say whatever you want.

1:10 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

1:10 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:10 Voiceover Listening discretion is advised.

1:11 Voiceover This is Loveline. With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:22 Hey, everybody.

1:24 Adam It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Addiction Medicine Specialist, and tonight from The Princess Diaries 2, Callum Blue is here tonight. Good to see you, Callum.

1:39 Callum Blue Good to see you. I'm kind of disappointed. I thought it was Dr. Dre.

1:42 Adam He gets that a lot.

1:44 Callum Blue You don't look like Dr. Dre.

1:46 Adam Nobody sounds like him.

1:47 Drew Oh, yeah?

1:47 Adam Oh, yes.

1:48 Callum Blue Give us a rap.

1:49 Drew When I bust a rhyme.

1:50 Adam When he busts a rhyme, Anderson knows what I'm talking about.

1:54 Callum Blue How are you guys?

1:55 Adam Oh, good. Good. And God bless you for bringing the pizza, by the way.

1:58 Drew My daughter was so excited to get his autograph. I can't remember to do that.

2:01 Adam Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Because, I mean, he's hunky stuff for her. She's what?

2:05 Drew Eleven.

2:06 Adam She's eleven.

2:07 Callum Blue That's all I can get, guys. Believe me. If I was... I'd be ringing this love line, I promise you, because that's my problem. I can't get anybody over eleven.

2:15 Adam Callum is not only brought pizza, five pizzas, to the studio, but he brought five family members to the studio as well. He's got, like, three sisters, maybe a four sister. Oh, no, that's his mom, but that's how you kiss some ass.

2:30 Callum Blue Whoa, good going.

2:31 Adam And his brother, who's...

2:33 Drew He's asleep on the floor, underneath the console.

2:35 Adam He's in the down dog position on the floor, trying to do God knows what to himself.

2:39 Callum Blue He's drunk.

2:40 Drew It's some sort of weird yoga. I know it. It's a nut down dog.

2:45 Adam Yeah, I went in there and he yelled at me about getting some water for him.

2:48 Callum Blue He asked you to get him water.

2:49 Adam He wanted to know where water was.

2:50 Callum Blue See, he's the diva, not me.

2:52 Adam No kidding. So, now how is it... A, does your whole family live out here?

2:57 Callum Blue No, that's not my whole family.

2:59 Drew He brought them in from East London.

3:00 Callum Blue He made that up.

3:00 Drew He brought them in for the premiere.

3:02 Adam Oh, you brought them in for the premiere movie.

3:04 Callum Blue No, this is my mom, this is my sister, that's my publicist. And that guy, I don't know where the hell he came from.

3:11 Drew Oh, really?

3:12 Callum Blue Yeah, he just wandered in and said, I don't know him.

3:13 Adam He could be related to you.

3:15 Callum Blue Oh, really? He looks like that.

3:17 Adam He's angular. And hunky. He's hunky, and he's got it. And Callum has it. You know what I'm saying, Drew?

3:26 Drew Yeah, I noticed it right away.

3:27 Adam And I don't say that very often.

3:28 Callum Blue What is it?

3:29 Adam Is it an STD? No, the point is that you can't define it. You either have it or you don't have it.

3:36 Drew In fact, I'm offended by the question.

3:38 Adam Yeah, it is what you have and you don't question it. You have it, do not question it. Do you understand what I'm saying?

3:45 Callum Blue If you start questioning it, you lose it.

3:48 Adam It is fleeting and it is something that's... It's not like your liver. It can get up and leave. You know what I'm saying?

3:55 Callum Blue Do you have it?

3:56 Adam We've spoke too much of it. You could lose it. I have just the dot over the eye of it. I don't actually have the entire it, but I've been working on it. Drew owes it. If you've got an eye, you'd still be at zero. You see what I'm saying? You're in the whole it. I get the feeling you've been sucking some of my it. I feel like I had it when I showed up here nine years ago. Now I feel like I'm light. You know what I mean?

4:23 Drew I was hoping you wouldn't notice.

4:25 Adam You put your change in that ashtray by the front door and your kids start dipping into it. You notice it's getting a little light. That's what I feel like you've been doing with my it. Leave the it alone. Callum is here tonight. He's also in Dead Like Me, which is Sunday nights, 10 o'clock on Showtime. And what else was I saying? Oh, yeah. So you're out. So do you live in East London full time?

4:48 Callum Blue Well, I haven't.

4:49 Adam That's your home?

4:49 Callum Blue I haven't for a year and a half because I've been working.

4:51 Drew You've been out here?

4:52 Callum Blue Well, I've been in Vancouver and here and, you know, filming everywhere. But, you know, my home, home, home is East London.

5:00 Adam Is that where you keep it?

5:02 Callum Blue That is where it came from.

5:04 Adam And did they film The Princess Diaries in London? Not in East London. Not in East London, but just London?

5:11 Callum Blue No, they filmed it over here on Universal Studios.

5:14 Adam They did?

5:15 Callum Blue Yeah. Well, it's like a fake country. It's Genovia, right? So it doesn't really exist. So it can be bloody anywhere.

5:20 Adam Yeah. Why do they do that? Why can't they just pick a real country? I always wonder with this, like when they do college football movies, they're playing for the North Nebraskan Wild Cougars. And it's like, why don't you just make it UCLA? Let me just pick a team.

5:34 Callum Blue In fact, it's Hollywood. You can do whatever you want.

5:36 Drew I know.

5:37 Adam It can. Why not just pick one?

5:39 Drew They collect money from the highest bidder.

5:40 Adam That's what I would do.

5:41 Drew School just says, we'll pay you. Use our name.

5:43 Adam Pick a country. Pick a country. We're going to use you. We're going to make you look good. We're going to make you look like you have a hot princess running the place.

5:50 Drew Julie Andrews. We're living there.

5:53 Adam Let me tell you what a retard I am. I was reading the bio and it says he plays Duke Anderson, the whatever. And I thought his name was Duke. I was like, wow, that's like a porn star name. Duke. That's a great surfer.

6:05 Callum Blue As if Callum Blue isn't enough of a porn star name.

6:08 Adam Oh my God, is it? Duke Andrew. I was like, Duke, that's a, no, you're a Duke, right?

6:13 Callum Blue Yeah, Duke means I'm very, very posh.

6:15 Adam Yeah, where does Duke rank up there? Because I'm not hip with nobility. I know the king and the queen and the prince and the princess and that kind of stuff.

6:23 Drew Duke is a major land holder.

6:25 Callum Blue Yeah.

6:25 Adam That means you got a lot of land?

6:26 Drew The king gave you a lot of land.

6:28 Adam Oh, really?

6:29 Callum Blue Yeah. So, yeah, you've been doing sexual favors of the king, basically.

6:32 Drew Maybe you were in the army and something and got more...

6:35 Adam Can you get duped as well as knighted? How do you get duped? You don't hear about people getting duped.

6:40 Callum Blue You don't have to have the whole sword thing on your ears to get a duke, I don't think.

6:44 Adam But you're not born a duke, are you?

6:46 Callum Blue Yeah, you can be passed down. If your dad's a duke? It's not fair. Listen. It's ridiculous. I'm from Eastland. I'm from the gutter.

6:55 Drew Right.

6:56 Callum Blue I don't want to hear...

6:56 Drew Your family is cringing over there, Callum. Be careful now. Your mom especially is like, really? I raised him in the gutter?

7:03 Callum Blue Wait, don't say the gutter.

7:04 Drew But no.

7:04 Adam If you were from here, you'd be Mexican, right? Is that basically what you're saying? If you were from New York, you'd be Puerto Rican, right? Oh, no, no. From the Valley. How dare you? Sorry. Drew, hit him with the white glove. I'm from the Valley, from North Hollywood. How dare you attack my people? You know, it's fine for me to make fun of all the races on this show, but when some priss from the other side of the pond comes in here and attacks my people. My dad is the Duke of North Hollywood.

7:32 Callum Blue He's the Duke of the Valley.

7:34 Adam Yes, and my mom's the Dukeess.

7:36 Callum Blue Duchess. Not Dukeess.

7:38 Drew You know, in the Valley, Duke has a whole different connotation.

7:42 Callum Blue Oh, really?

7:43 Adam What does that mean? It's like go out to the yard and clean up the dog duked.

7:46 Drew The dog duked.

7:46 Adam Yeah. The dog duked on the carpet.

7:49 Drew Yeah, that's the Valley. That's the Valley.

7:50 Adam The Duke hit the fan.

7:52 Drew The Valley is like living in Duke.

7:54 Adam I feel like Duke. You look like fried Duke.

7:58 Drew You live in the Valley.

8:00 Adam What you do? Duke in here? It reeks. I don't give a Duke. You're getting the point? That's what it means.

8:06 Callum Blue It kind of means the same thing in England. They're all kind of, you know.

8:09 Adam So you are, you would be not nobility from London.

8:14 Drew Oh, nobility. No, the show.

8:16 Adam The show. Oh, in the movie. Yes.

8:17 Callum Blue In the movie, I'm nobility. In the movie, in London, I'm a strip club owner's son. Right.

8:22 Adam Oh, really? Dad owns a strip club.

8:24 Drew Is that where your girlfriend was from? East London?

8:27 Adam Yeah, I mean, Lindsay. I don't know if she did a lot of working out that way. I visited a strip club when I was in London a few weeks back. Oh, boy, did they rape you over there. They smell you coming. First off, they got the whole, first off, when you're drunk, you can't figure out the whole pound versus dollar thing, number one. And number two, they got a whole different way of doing things over there. And then they smell you coming. They know you're from the valley.

8:52 Callum Blue They smell the Americans coming.

8:53 Adam They know the Americans are coming. Yeah. See, out here, I sit two rows from the stage just beyond the tipping zone. And I call it the Devil's Triangle. I get just beyond it. I just put my feet on the back of the chair in front of me and just sit there all night with half a boner. And it's free.

9:10 Callum Blue That's cheap.

9:11 Adam Yeah.

9:11 Callum Blue That's cheap. But is there a law against lap dancing now in LA?

9:17 Adam There was something that was going on because we got the whole terrorist thing licked so we can send guys undercover into Bob's classy lady and have them sit there all night with a boner while they're on the clock busting Japanese businessmen who get a little pat on the groin who are in their 40s. This country has the priorities are completely upside down. Here's what we do in this country and especially in this city. We focus and we're very serious about people that smoke on the beach and people that get lap dances. Yeah, we're very serious about secondhand smoke, lap dancing and rolling through four-way stop signs.

10:00 Drew And parking.

10:00 Adam And parking. We're deadly serious about parking and secondhand smoke and lap dances.

10:05 Drew Armies have been mobilized to cover those topics.

10:08 Adam As far as checking containers coming into our ports with spent uranium in them, not what you call a high priority.

10:15 Drew Well, a high priority, but no manpower for that.

10:16 Adam No manpower.

10:17 Drew We don't have that.

10:18 Callum Blue They're too busy checking the strip clubs.

10:19 Drew We don't have that.

10:20 Adam Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Priority one, get to the beach, bust the smokers in the 20 knot wind that's blowing offshore, number one. Number two, hit the strip clubs. I don't care if you got to camp out there all night. Here's a wad of 20s we seized from a drug smuggler. Pull up in your Ferrari Daytona and sit there like a high roller all night and tell them, as a matter of fact, bring a team with you. Yeah, the same guys, the same 50 guys that took down Heidi Flies, take all of them. Go over there and have some drinks and sit there until you find some guy who got divorced two weeks ago getting a laugh dance. That's the guy we got to stop and then when you're done with that, get in the right hand drive Chevette, go up the hill and start writing tickets. Yeah, we got some parking. And then when we're all done with that.

11:03 Drew We'll sit at a stop sign.

11:04 Adam We'll sit at a stop sign and wait for someone to roll through a four-way. Make sure it's a secretary on her way to work, taxpayer is always best. And then if we have any time left after that, we'll talk about containers coming into the ports with spent uranium.

11:19 Drew How dare you?

11:20 Adam I'm just saying if we have time.

11:21 Drew We don't have manpower for that. Never happened.

11:22 Adam Come on, head to the beach.

11:23 Drew We don't have manpower for that.

11:25 Adam Head to the strip club. Head to the hills. Here we go. That's what we do in this city, everybody.

11:30 Callum Blue It's good to work in America. That's all I can say.

11:32 Adam Oh, Jesus Christ. Does anyone else talk about this stuff? Does anyone else talk about it?

11:38 Callum Blue Are you allowed to talk about this?

11:40 Adam Talk about whatever I want.

11:41 Callum Blue Really?

11:42 Adam Yeah.

11:43 Callum Blue That's cool.

11:43 Adam Yeah, till I get pulled out of my car and beaten next time I get a ticket.

11:47 Drew There we go.

11:47 Adam All right, I'm fired up. This movie, this movie's coming out tomorrow.

11:51 Drew It's got you fired up.

11:52 Adam I'm fired up and Drew's going.

11:53 Drew Julie Andrews always gets you going.

11:55 Adam Love that woman. Yeah, I know. I love her in The Sound of Music.

11:58 Drew Mary Poppins.

11:59 Callum Blue That haircut was bad.

12:00 Adam In The Sound of Music.

12:02 Callum Blue I'm sorry to say.

12:02 Adam I know. She shouldn't have kept it for 40 years.

12:05 Callum Blue Can we say lesbian on this show?

12:07 Adam No, take it back.

12:08 Callum Blue I take the lesbian back.

12:09 Adam Yeah. Is she a lesbian?

12:10 Callum Blue No, of course not. But the haircut was.

12:13 Drew Really like Frau Bruecher. No, no. It was more like, what was the?

12:15 Adam Dorothy Hamill.

12:17 Drew What was the woman in the cap?

12:18 Adam I don't know. It looked like she was like two months outside of Auschwitz with that hair. Somebody shaved it and it came back two months later.

12:25 Callum Blue It was like a bowl haircut. You put a bowl on top of the head and then cut around it.

12:28 Adam Why do you take a beautiful woman and chop her hair off?

12:31 Callum Blue But in Mary Poppins, she was hot.

12:32 Adam Oh, she was. That's right.

12:34 Callum Blue My God, she was hot.

12:35 Adam She was hot.

12:35 Callum Blue Everybody wants to have sex with their nannies.

12:37 Adam They do.

12:38 Drew Oh, really?

12:38 Callum Blue Yeah.

12:39 Drew That's an English thing.

12:40 Adam We don't have nannies out here.

12:41 Callum Blue You don't?

12:42 Adam No.

12:42 Callum Blue Even we have nannies in Essex.

12:45 Adam Our nannies are heavy set Guatemalan women who hit the kids.

12:48 Callum Blue So you don't want to have sex with them?

12:49 Adam Basically. I do. Yeah. That's actually kind of a turn on when they hit the kids. Yeah. No, we don't have the hot Mary Poppins type with the umbrellas and stuff.

12:59 Callum Blue Mary Poppins was hot.

13:00 Adam Yeah. She was hot. Yeah. All right. Movie out tomorrow, buddy. Drew's going and seeing it, by the way.

13:05 Drew Yeah, I will. My daughter, absolutely.

13:06 Callum Blue Yeah. Did you like the first one?

13:08 Drew Don't think I caught that one.

13:10 Adam Couldn't you lie?

13:11 Drew My daughter saw it three times.

13:11 Adam Oh, she did?

13:12 Drew Yeah.

13:13 Adam You weren't in the first one, were you?

13:14 Callum Blue I wasn't in the first one, but I loved the first one.

13:16 Adam You did.

13:16 Callum Blue It was so bloody brilliant.

13:17 Adam Really?

13:18 Callum Blue Yeah. It was charming.

13:19 Drew Yeah, it was cute.

13:20 Adam I got to do that. I'll tell you what happens. My nephews come over once in a while, and they force me to watch Searching for Nemo or something like that. And then you always enjoy it.

13:29 Drew Yeah. Why don't you come out with me and my kids? We'll all take your kids out and go.

13:33 Adam Okay, no way. Are you high? Come out with your kids.

13:37 Drew And your nephews.

13:39 Adam Oh, really?

13:39 Drew That's what I'm saying. We'll get them all together. We'll go see all these.

13:42 Callum Blue You'll enjoy this movie, honestly. It's something for everybody.

13:45 Drew Oh, no, no. Don't say that.

13:47 Callum Blue No, honestly. You'll be teary-eyed. And it's the first time Julie Andrews sings in a long time.

13:53 Adam Let me... Oh, yeah, because she had some problems with the vocal cords. Let me tell you the likelihood of us all getting together, my nephews and your kids and us going to see.

14:01 Drew Is it the same as the police going to check out the harbor?

14:04 Adam Slightly higher, actually. No, but that's the chance of us building a time machine and me going back and finding Julie Andrews in the Mary Poppins outfit and having my way with her. About the same likelihood. Although, it sounds tempting.

14:19 Drew And you've been thinking long and hard about that.

14:21 Adam That'd be great. I'm from the future. Let me have sex with you. I could do that now. I mean, you know what I'm saying?

14:27 Drew Just find her. It should be through a carpet bar.

14:28 Adam I'm from the future.

14:29 Callum Blue I'm sure she'd dress up as Mary Poppins right now for you.

14:32 Adam Put the black wig on. I'm from the future. Quickly. Yeah, that'd be good. I'm gonna try that. I'm from the future thing. Drew, you try that. All right. You ready to rock?

14:40 Drew Yeah, let's go.

14:41 Adam All right. Out tomorrow, everybody. Raul?

14:45 Yeah.

14:45 Adam You're 22?

14:47 Caller Right.

14:48 Adam Grow up with a lot of guys named Raul?

14:50 Callum Blue No, I've never heard of that name.

14:52 Adam I know. It must sound crazy if you're from England. Yeah. What's happening, Raul? You're 22. Yeah.

14:59 Caller I want to know if the taste of my girl's mouth changes with oral sex.

15:05 Drew When you perform oral sex?

15:07 Adam Her mouth changes?

15:08 Caller No, when she, yeah. When she performs on me.

15:10 Drew You're saying, will it or it does?

15:12 Adam And then you go up and kiss her? You want to know if you're going to taste?

15:17 Caller Will it stay in her mouth?

15:18 Adam Even if you're going to taste you?

15:21 Callum Blue Is that a big problem?

15:23 Caller No, not for me, well, she hasn't blown me yet, well, I'm trying to...

15:29 Drew Where did Rello go to finishing school?

15:31 Adam Oh, he must have been sent to Geneva.

15:34 Drew I think so.

15:35 Adam Absolutely out of the country. I can hear the affect. Yeah, I'm picturing him in like a silk ascot right now.

15:42 Drew The Duke term coming to mind again.

15:43 Adam High back leather chair, Brandy Snifter, fire going in the background, the violin music playing.

15:50 Drew What does Raoul want?

15:51 Callum Blue Can I say something?

15:52 Adam I think Raoul is retarded.

15:54 Callum Blue I think it's if you wash or not, right? So do you wash?

15:58 Drew No, no. Is that what you're trying to say?

16:03 Adam Here's the whole thing. I speak fluent, tard from doing the show. We speak to people that are almost retarded on a nightly basis and I understand them. And you're right, he described his question as his sort of, but I think he meant the orgasm part.

16:19 Drew He meant the fluid. Seminal fluid.

16:23 Callum Blue Oh, that's gross.

16:24 Drew We gotta give him a tard English dictionary.

16:26 Adam Royal, only because I'm a glutton for punishment. That's what you meant, right?

16:31 Caller No, not the semen, man.

16:32 Callum Blue See?

16:33 Adam All right. All right. Strike one up for Callum.

16:36 Drew What do you mean?

16:36 Adam What?

16:38 Caller No, just the taste of it. Does it change or whatever?

16:41 Drew No.

16:42 Callum Blue He means the taste of that, right? So, I'm telling you, if you wash, then the taste won't be in the mouth. But if you don't wash, then it's going to be in the mouth.

16:52 Adam Hold on. What do you mean, Raoul? You mean, like, if she put her finger in her mouth and then you kissed her, would you taste her finger? Is that what you're asking?

17:04 Caller I think.

17:06 Adam What?

17:07 Caller Yeah.

17:10 Adam And what about a pork chop she ate two weeks ago? Would you taste that?

17:14 Caller Like a day later, you know, a couple of days later.

17:17 Adam Are you trying to figure out if she's cheating on you?

17:18 Caller Right.

17:21 Drew Forget it.

17:24 Adam I do detect a trace of foreskin.

17:27 Drew Pre-pews.

17:28 Adam Pre-pews. I would say an early vintage, 72, 73, pushy without being assertive. Yeah.

17:36 Drew Oh my God.

17:37 Adam Yeah, and a nutty fruity aftertaste. Let me cleanse my palate with some areola. What is he doing? Hey, listen, phone screen of Brian. Is that a question?

17:50 Drew Is that a questioner?

17:52 Adam Rowell can't pronounce his own name. Hi, this is a row. Talk to a mule. I get more information. Do you think that was high? Let's break it down. Let's go. Let's go. Listen, here's the whole thing. I don't mind talking to idiots, and I don't mind talking to people that are slow, because if we didn't do that, we wouldn't have a show. But severely retarded, like Rowell.

18:15 Drew Unable to express.

18:16 Adam And drunk. And high. Rowell sounded like a special Olympian who had a couple of quailudes and a fifth of VO.

18:26 Drew Callum never played American football, so he wouldn't know about helmets.

18:29 Adam I know about quailudes, though. Oh, yeah, they don't have a lot of helmets.

18:33 Callum Blue Quailudes are big.

18:34 Drew No, helmets.

18:34 Adam We got a helmet.

18:35 Callum Blue Helmets are big. Why are you clapping, Rowell?

18:38 Adam Yeah, don't applaud, Rowell.

18:40 Callum Blue Why are you clapping?

18:41 Adam And they don't have a lot of helmets in England, I notice.

18:44 Callum Blue We have helmets.

18:45 Drew Well, you know, they're football helmets.

18:47 Callum Blue Oh, football helmets. No, no, can I say something about this? Because I feel very passionately. American football is basically rugby with padding.

18:56 Drew Right.

18:56 Callum Blue And we play rugby. We get our ears bitten off and our nose is broken and all this stuff.

19:02 Drew You don't line up against the guys that line up in the NFL. Believe me.

19:07 Callum Blue You're saying we're not big.

19:08 Drew No, I'm saying you don't line up against those guys.

19:10 Callum Blue Yeah, but they only look that big because they've got all padding on them.

19:13 Drew They're like 6'6, 6'8, 3'3, 3'50.

19:17 Callum Blue Rugby players are six foot wide.

19:19 Adam They're six foot wide.

19:19 Callum Blue And they're Irish and Scottish, which makes it a whole lot better.

19:22 Drew And drunk. Drunk. I'm not thinking it's rugby. Rugby is a hardcore sport. And football is just rugby with pads. Absolutely it is.

19:30 Adam But the greatest athletes in the world on the NFL. Well, if you just break it down. You've got guys that bench press 400 pounds and run like a 4'3, 4'4. And they've got a vertical leap. These guys in full pads after they score dunk the football over the goalpost, which is 10 feet high. You can't play it anymore. If you've got a kid out here and he thinks he wants to play football, you can't play football. You can't get to high school anymore. Where do you find guys that are 280 pounds and run like these guys run? If you really think about it, too, once in a while you meet a guy, you just know somebody who's like 6'5, 6'6, and 300 pounds, these guys can barely walk. They have trouble getting in and out of their car. They're always dopes. They're always uncoordinated. NFL is chock full of guys that are like this. And the NBA is just chock full of the guys like that. These guys are 6'8. They're 6'9. I mean, you don't see guys like Carl Malone around, you know what I mean? He's 6'9. He's 2'62. He doesn't have any body fat on him. He can touch the top of the backboard. And he shoots the three pretty good.

20:36 Callum Blue And he's fast.

20:37 Adam And he's fast. And he handles the ball pretty. He dribbles to his legs while he's running full speed. You see, think about big guys. You know guys that are good athletes. They're 5'10, 175. You don't see guys that are 6'9, 255, who move like ballerinas. You forget that the, you know, Michael Jordan's, and the Kobe Bryant's, the Karl Malone's, they're huge guys. They got a duck to walk through the store. You don't think about that because they're standing next to a bunch of huge guys. Alright, a little tangent there. Jenny?

21:08 Hi.

21:09 Adam You're 24?

21:09 I am. I just have to say I love your guys' show. I have to listen to it every night. Adam, you're hilarious and Dr. Drew, I can't even explain how much I love Cracked.

21:22 Drew Oh, thanks, Jenny.

21:22 Adam Oh, that's Drew's book, everybody. Out as we speak.

21:26 Drew Oh, coming on paperback for people to complain about the price.

21:29 Adam I think it's coming out in pulp. It's coming out in wood pulp.

21:32 Drew Papyrus. What's that, Jenny?

21:35 I said the book is more than worth that. There's a problem with paperback. That's ridiculous. But anyway, your new book, when is that coming out?

21:43 Drew It's out now. You can get it through Amazon, or most bookstores, supposedly. It's called When Painkillers Become Dangerous. And it's much more of a, me and a bunch of doctors got together and wrote this one. This is, each of us wrote a chapter about, it's sort of a book that can tell, will tell you everything you could possibly want to know about opiate addiction.

22:01 Adam Yeah.

22:01 Drew Pain medicine addiction.

22:02 Adam It's a good read.

22:04 Drew And then last people. It's not an adventuresome fictionalized read.

22:09 Adam Well, this weekend you can take your daughter to see The Princess Diaries, or you can sit her at home and read when painkillers die. All right. Go ahead, Jim.

22:16 Well, actually, last night I heard on the show about your, the Nightline, Dateline show last summer and it's supposed to be coming out.

22:26 Drew Oh, the show I did. Yeah, yeah. It's the ABC show.

22:31 Adam All right. That's enough about you.

22:33 Drew That's just following people through treatment. And I saw Oprah's doing a show about it. It looked pretty good, actually.

22:38 Adam We'll let you know when it drops.

22:40 OK, I have one quick question about Oxycontin. Yeah. I've been taking it now for about five years. Maybe a little less than that. I really can't remember. Anyway, they dropped my dose down. I was taking Oxycontin and Oxycodone. And right now I'm just taking Oxycontin three times a day. I think it's 90 milligrams total. And today, my father woke me up. He said I was screaming for him to help me. There was bugs all over me. I don't remember having a dream at all about this.

23:13 Drew That's probably a withdrawal symptom.

23:14 Adam It is. Is that what happens?

23:18 Drew Yeah, it sounds like it's kind of mild, but it broke through in your sleep. Are you addicted or you've just gotten dependent on opiates?

23:28 I'm not addicted. I'm actually fighting with my pain physician to get off of this. I think that's why they took me off the oxycodone to start with and then go, hopefully, I just want to get off this stuff.

23:43 Adam What's the difference between addicted and dependent?

23:45 Drew Dependent means you have withdrawal if you try to stop intolerance. Addiction is a complex process. It's a genetically based disorder where there are behaviors that manifest of progressive preoccupation with the drug and pursuit of the drug, where the motivational systems of the brain become distorted and focused on drugs rather than survival and reproduction and eating and the kinds of normal priorities are masturbating.

24:06 Adam What did you say? I was thinking about ambient and beaten off. That's what I'm talking about.

24:10 Drew Did you say something? Yeah, I said priorities shifted.

24:13 Adam Here's the thing. So the difference between dependent and addicted. Now, you can be dependent and you can't quit.

24:21 Drew Any human can be dependent.

24:22 Adam Can you be dependent and not stop?

24:23 Drew It can be tough to stop. You have to go through the withdrawal. But most people who are dependent and not addicted don't find it that unpleasant to go through the withdrawal.

24:29 Callum Blue And is one person more likely to be dependent than another person?

24:33 Drew Yes, it's a genetic. Well, not dependent, more likely to be addicted. Dependency is uniform across humans.

24:39 Adam Yeah, anyone can get that. If you want to get addicted, you have to be a certain breed of cat. Remember those Scottish and Irish guys you were talking about? We got our American Indians out here. We got certain groups. It's easier for them.

24:52 Callum Blue Why is it so easy to get these drugs in America?

24:56 Drew Opiates?

24:57 Callum Blue Yeah.

24:57 Drew It would be the painkillers. I didn't know it was actually more easily here than in the United Kingdom.

25:02 Callum Blue My God, they do not exist. I didn't hear about Xanax. I didn't hear about any of these things.

25:07 Adam I could score for you.

25:08 Callum Blue You could?

25:10 Adam Your dad owns a strip club. You can't score some pills?

25:13 Callum Blue I can score. Oh, you get some weed?

25:15 Adam You get some hash, right?

25:18 Drew Take a break.

25:18 Adam We got to take a break.

25:19 Drew Callum's got some business to work out with Callum.

25:22 Adam I make a phone call.

25:23 Drew When I set up that autograph for my daughter, I take it back.

25:25 Adam Come on. Now, Callum, we got to go to the park after the show. Okay, mate. I know. It's cool. You just bring the pizzas. We'll be cool.

25:33 Drew Why do you take the beer out of the pizzas?

25:34 Adam You may have to help the guy out a little bit. A little favor for him. That's cool. All right.

25:38 Drew He doesn't know about that stuff.

25:39 Adam Here tonight. I'll teach him my ways. The Princess Diaries. Royal Engagement. It is the number two. It is the sequel and it is out tomorrow. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Hey, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191.

26:25 Drew Why the puss?

26:26 Adam Who's our engineer today?

26:28 Drew Dave.

26:28 Adam Dave.

26:29 Drew I don't know Dave.

26:30 Adam You sound like Ken. Oh, Anderson's not around, am I? Oh, I guess not.

26:33 Drew I guess not.

26:34 Adam That's why when I said Anderson played that day.

26:36 He's at camp again.

26:38 Drew People don't know him, right? Anderson's the most interesting guy. He goes to Ronald McDonald Camp for Kids with Cancer.

26:44 Yeah.

26:44 Drew And donates his time.

26:45 Adam He's just trying to score, though. He likes the youngins.

26:48 Drew Now I think about it.

26:50 Adam Here's the thing. Anderson is the most interesting guy you never want to talk to.

26:54 Drew I like talking to him. You never want to talk to him.

26:57 Adam I like him, too, but you know what I mean? It's just a thing.

26:59 Drew He's not like the Dooley. It was a teddy bear.

27:01 Adam I'll tell you what Anderson is. He's Callum Blue here tonight, by the way, from The Princess Diaries and also Dead Like Me. Princess Diaries coming out tomorrow. Anderson is a corn dog, which is you like him. You just don't order them all the time. You never have. Oh, you know, better yet, fish and chips. Let's give a little tip of the hat to Callum in his native England, which is I love fish and chips. I really do. There's nothing squeezing the lemon on there. You're dipping it into the sauce and everything. Everything's great. Never order it. Would never order it. That's how I feel about Anderson. Great guy, always good to talk to, never hang out with him. All right, that's good, right?

27:39 Drew Yeah, that's good.

27:40 Adam You know what else he's like? Egg salad. I like egg salad. Never order it.

27:44 Drew Except egg salad, you've been yelling about people ordering. You should spend more time with egg salad.

27:48 Adam I order, I realize I eat 70 metric tons of turkey for every ounce of egg salad I eat, and I like egg salad better. Why won't I order egg salad, Drew? Why won't you order it, Callum? Why won't you get egg? Why don't you? You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get Anderson, we're going out for egg salad. There you go. There you go, fish and chips and a corn dog. Let's go now. You don't do corn dogs in England, do you?

28:12 Callum Blue I don't know what that is.

28:13 Adam Yeah, yeah. So you guys.

28:15 Callum Blue Corn dog.

28:16 Adam You guys have taste and that's your problem.

28:18 Callum Blue We have taste, come on.

28:19 Drew It's a hot dog dipped in corn batter and then deep fried.

28:21 Callum Blue That sounds really gross.

28:23 Adam It sounds gross but it's nummy.

28:25 Callum Blue So you order the corn dogs and not the fish and chips or the egg salad.

28:28 Drew No, we don't eat corn dogs.

28:29 Adam Don't get any of them but they're all good.

28:31 Drew But kids are all that stuff. My kids are into the fish and chip corn dog phase.

28:35 Callum Blue I don't get macaroni and cheese, I don't get it.

28:37 Adam You don't get it.

28:38 Callum Blue No.

28:38 Drew You've never had good macaroni and cheese.

28:39 Callum Blue Really?

28:40 Adam No, wait a minute, even the bad stuff is good. You gotta get high. If you got high, you would get all these foods.

28:47 Callum Blue Is it munchies food?

28:49 Adam If you got high, you'd get into all this food we speak of. All right.

28:53 Drew Princess Diaries.

28:54 Adam Princess Diaries, let's go. Let's go back to phones now. And let me say this, Drew, during the commercial break, you were talking about your new lover, Seth MacFarlane and the family guy and all that. Crank Yankers tonight, guess who's on there?

29:07 Drew Must be Burcham.

29:08 Adam Well, that's true, but who else?

29:11 Drew Seth MacFarlane.

29:11 Adam Seth MacFarlane, and who else? David Allen Grier. And who else? Jimmy Kimmel.

29:17 Drew Oh, good.

29:17 Adam And who else? Jimmy Kimmel's son, Kevin Kimmel. So fun. And you're all doing a call. And Jimmy's brother, John.

29:23 Drew Oh my God.

29:25 Adam It is a all-star, action-packed Crank Yankers tonight on Comedy Central, right now, as we speak. And I already saw it.

29:32 Drew You know, I was watching, I was flipping around time, and they had it on like eight o'clock. Was it last season?

29:37 Adam Yeah, you're probably looking at the rerun or looking at the cable. Sometimes you've seen the East Coast Feed.

29:43 Drew No, it wasn't.

29:44 Adam Sure it wasn't the East Coast Feed? It's 10.30, Tuesday nights, Comedy Central.

29:47 Callum Blue Is that that scary Muppet show?

29:48 Adam Yeah.

29:49 Callum Blue And they call people.

29:50 Adam That's right.

29:51 Callum Blue I don't like those Muppet things.

29:52 Adam Oh, you don't?

29:53 Callum Blue They're scary.

29:54 Adam They are. Yeah. You gotta have some spine in order to get that show.

29:59 Callum Blue Yeah.

30:00 Adam Give it a second shot. Give it a shot.

30:03 Callum Blue I'll open my mind to the Muppets.

30:04 Adam Open your mind. Tell what you got to have, Callum.

30:06 Callum Blue Okay.

30:06 Adam Get yourself a corndog. Fish and shell.

30:09 Callum Blue And macaroni and cheese.

30:10 Adam Get yourself a bong, a corndog, some macaroni and cheese, and a TV remote. You sit down and watch that Crank Yanker show. And then come back and tell me. Tell me if there's any of those things you don't like. Ayla? Hello. Is that Ayla? How do you say her name? All right. What's up?

30:31 I'm married. I'm 22 and my husband is 26. And he doesn't like to have sex basically more than three times a month.

30:37 Drew So roughly once a week.

30:40 If that.

30:41 Drew How long have you guys been married? How long have you been married?

30:46 Almost, just over two years.

30:47 Drew Two years. And how long have you guys been dating before you got married?

30:51 About five.

30:52 Drew So you've been together seven years.

30:54 Adam And he's 26?

30:56 Right.

30:56 Drew So he's settling into his ultimate rhythm, as it were.

30:59 Adam A little prematurely, but he got started a little early. You guys have been together for a while. Yeah.

31:04 Callum Blue How old were you when you started having sex with him?

31:08 Right from the beginning.

31:09 Drew So like 15.

31:11 Adam But yeah, 20 minutes after she met him.

31:13 Drew And he was 20 at the time?

31:15 Adam It was in his locker in high school.

31:17 Drew But he was 20 and you were 15? What does this guy do for a living?

31:21 Adam Construction.

31:22 What does he do? Yeah. He's a manager of a little restaurant. Restaurant.

31:26 Adam Restaurant.

31:28 Drew And you worked at the restaurant?

31:30 No.

31:30 Drew No?

31:31 No.

31:32 Adam How'd he meet you?

31:37 Drew 15.

31:38 Callum Blue Is it ever normal for a guy to want to have sex three times a month?

31:44 Drew That's not far off a normal married couple's average rhythm.

31:49 Callum Blue Really?

31:49 Drew It's about one to one and a half times a week in this country, on average.

31:52 Callum Blue But this guy's at his sexual peak at 27.

31:54 Drew Well, but he's been the same person for seven years, so he's really right in his baseline.

31:59 Adam He's been with the same person.

32:00 Drew Yeah, he's with her forever.

32:01 Adam Well, when did this drop off? Where was it two years ago?

32:08 It was, it's actually been happening for about three and a half years now.

32:13 Drew Yeah, so it's not a sudden drop. He's not depressed?

32:17 He just, he says he's tired.

32:18 Drew He has no medical problems? He's on no medications?

32:22 Nope.

32:22 Drew Doesn't do drugs or alcohol excessively?

32:24 Oh no, no.

32:25 Adam And he's still working at the restaurant, managing the restaurant?

32:29 Yeah.

32:30 Adam All right.

32:30 Drew That's him.

32:31 Adam Well, that's him, unfortunately.

32:33 Drew What's your, sort of, what do you want?

32:36 Callum Blue She wants it more, come on, let's face it.

32:39 I've always been more than him. I'd be happy with it, you know, two, three times a day even.

32:43 Callum Blue Uh-uh. Really? So, do you masturbate?

32:48 No, not regularly. So naughty.

32:50 Drew Women, they don't get the relief from the masturbation.

32:52 Callum Blue Seriously?

32:52 Adam Really, because I would immediately just immerse myself in a world of pornography and vibrators.

32:59 Drew Strangely.

33:00 Adam Oh, wait a minute, you're late. I would retreat into a cocoon of pornography.

33:07 Drew Of course, that's what a male would do, but a female needs the interpersonal to really feel satisfied.

33:11 Adam But can't she just let a little steam, blow a little steam off?

33:15 Drew It may not, does she have orgasms at all?

33:17 Adam Ayla? Do you have orgasms when you're with your husband?

33:21 Only if I help.

33:22 Adam All right.

33:23 Callum Blue How do you mean, what does that mean?

33:25 Drew Use her hand.

33:25 Adam Show him, Drew. Do you? And so you do help, and can't you help yourself? Like what if you, put in a little tub time once a week.

33:35 Callum Blue With the shower.

33:36 Drew Yeah.

33:37 Adam Yeah.

33:40 Drew Right, all right.

33:40 Adam No, I know, I know. Oh, first off, yeah, you don't get the same.

33:44 Drew All right, here's the deal.

33:45 Adam You just take the edge off.

33:46 Drew But here's the deal, three times a day immediately makes us concerned, and I mean, talk to her. That this may be sort of enacting out of some trauma. So were you sexually abused or physically abused growing up?

33:57 Caller When I was nine, my 15-year-old brother molested me.

34:00 Drew Okay, so there you go. And that tends to create a sort of Real brother. Biological brother, yeah.

34:06 Adam How many times?

34:08 Caller Actually, just once.

34:11 Drew Seems pretty weird, though, pretty wild.

34:13 Adam Why once?

34:14 Drew Could have been a lot of, it was a lot of chaos.

34:16 Caller Well, when I woke up, he was doing it, and I told my parents right away, and they told him he couldn't come over anymore, because he's my father's son, but has a different mother.

34:25 Adam Yeah.

34:26 Drew Just ask them.

34:27 Adam What'd I say two minutes? I don't know, freaking two minutes, 18 seconds ago. Did I say like full brother or real brother or something like that? What did you say?

34:34 Caller Yes. Well, half brother.

34:36 Drew Yeah, we asked if it was your biological brother.

34:38 Adam I don't know, as soon as you said brother, I thought step or half or whatever. Didn't make sense. All right.

34:43 Callum Blue How does that link up to her wanting sex to be counted in?

34:45 Drew It creates sexual, it is the recipe for sexual compulsion, sexual addictions. If you're sexually abused, it changes the way you can be satisfied. But it sort of shatters the regulatory system.

34:56 Adam It bends your antenna a little bit.

34:57 Drew People become compulsive around sexuality. And they become bipolar with it where they are constantly preoccupied with it and then shut down when they're actually intimate with somebody. Or they can't get enough of it.

35:07 Callum Blue Or they're just really horny.

35:09 Drew No, no, no.

35:10 Adam Well, call it what you like.

35:11 Drew It's a...

35:12 Adam It's a regular therapy.

35:13 Drew Compulsion.

35:13 Adam And here's the thing too.

35:15 Drew It's not an accident I knew that she was sexually abused. That's what that is.

35:18 Adam No, yes, but you had a feeling. And here's the thing too. And you start getting this half brother and step thing and broken family.

35:24 Drew You know there's a lot of chaos in that family.

35:25 Adam There's chaos in the family. And that's the other thing too. So, here's the deal. Plus, you're 15, you're doing it with the 20 year old on the first date. You know what I'm saying?

35:34 Callum Blue She didn't say she did it on the first date.

35:36 Adam She pretty much said it right away. Really?

35:38 Drew Yeah, she said that.

35:39 Adam Ayla, how long before you had sex with your 20 year old husband back then? Three days. Oh, three days, all right, and she didn't see him the first two. She met him on the third day. She counts the two in front, though, because she met on a Wednesday, and she counts the beginning of the week. Women should be able to do that, by the way. Like, if you meet a guy Thursday night, and you have sex with him 10 minutes later, you should be able to go back to the beginning of the week. Well, we'd been going out that, I met him this week.

36:05 It was that week.

36:06 Drew Why don't you just make it that month?

36:08 Adam Smart, Drew.

36:09 Drew Or Lunar calendar, she's a Lunar.

36:11 Adam Yeah, smart.

36:13 I don't know what a Lunar calendar is.

36:16 Drew You know, there's a study just came out about personality disorders in this country, and previously they thought there'd be about 10%, now they found it's 30%, which is somewhat vindication for this show because pretty much all we do is talk to people with personality problems and trauma survivors.

36:30 Adam And I'll tell you, Drew.

36:30 Drew And that's a big problem in this country.

36:32 Adam It is a big problem. It's nothing compared to smoking on the beach.

36:35 Drew No, and the lap dances.

36:38 Adam The guys get in the lap dances.

36:39 Drew Rolling through red stop signs.

36:42 Adam Four-way.

36:43 Drew Four-way stop signs, parking, 15-minute parking zones, staying 20 minutes.

36:48 Adam Yes, yes.

36:49 Drew It's insane.

36:50 Callum Blue Jaywalking.

36:51 Drew Jaywalking. My huge thing in this state.

36:54 Adam We have a huge problem in this country. They don't seem to have a problem in other countries.

36:59 Drew Nor other states.

37:00 Adam Nor other states with jaywalking. I'm not sure why, probably because it doesn't matter. And they just choose not to enforce it because they have some dignity. But here, jaywalking, huge problem.

37:15 Drew Burbank, Burbank. Massive problem.

37:17 Adam Burbank or Rape Bank, Drew? You know we promised to start calling it Rape Bank because they rape their citizens to get their money from them so they can put it in their coffers. That's how it works. Oh, listen, F, Burbank. And let me tell you something, you idiots. You guys, stop raping your citizens, please. Please stop it. Go bust some perps, would you?

37:38 Drew Actually, what I like is Adam came back from Europe about six months ago, when were you in Europe? How long ago was that, four months ago? Four months ago, and he goes, you know what, in Europe, it's an amazing thing. They treat people like adults.

37:47 Adam I'll let you be an adult. Here's the thing.

37:49 Drew Not in this country.

37:50 Adam Here's what they do in Europe.

37:50 Drew You can't be trusted, it's a slippery slope to treat adults like adults.

37:52 Adam You wanna cross the street? Cross the street. If you get hit by a car, you get hit by a car.

37:56 Drew It's your responsibility.

37:58 Adam Yeah, people have pretty good instinct about not running in front of traffic. Here, we gotta enforce that. And here, it doesn't matter if any cars were coming or not or what time it was or where the signal was. Street could be blocked off. You'll still get a ticket. I got a ticket in Burbank. Wait, Rape Bank for crossing in the crosswalk. In the crosswalk.

38:20 Callum Blue Why? What do you mean?

38:22 Adam There was at the signal in the crosswalk. I crossed and I made it there. Now you say to yourself, how could someone get a jaywalking ticket for crossing at the intersection in the crosswalk at the signal? Well, guess what the good motorcycle cop over in Rape Bank said. He said, I stepped off the curb after the red started blinking. Even though I walked to the other side and was up on the other side of the curb before the signal changed, I shouldn't have stepped off.

38:47 Callum Blue So is it all about the money?

38:49 Adam Of course.

38:50 Callum Blue Of course.

38:50 Adam Of course it's about the money. Of course it's about the money. And here's the thing.

38:56 Drew It's about sort of strange exercises of power.

38:59 Adam Yeah, I fought the ticket and beat it so you guys can kiss my hairy ass. But, you have to take two days off of work and go down there two times. And what do you win? I'll tell you what you win. Here's how it works. We'll flip a coin, Calum. If it lands on tails, you give me 100 bucks. If it lands on heads, you don't have to give me 100 bucks. How about that? Let's open a casino. Oh, you beat the ticket. Great. All you did was miss two days' work. And 80 bucks worth of gas, driving back and forth a goddamn courtroom for nothing.

39:32 Drew You know, I'm fighting a ticket right now. I was a trap, for god's sake.

39:35 Adam Please, please, please, can we prioritize? Forget about the goddamn beach and the secondhand smoke. Get to the ports. Start checking containers. And it's all like, we don't have enough men. What, is there a different design? What, are we a beehive? We got the drone men, we got the worker men, we got the ones who got to knock up the queen. No, they're just guys. They're guys you pay 15 bucks an hour to. Send them to the port. That's all. We don't have this guy. Yeah, we got, oh, here's the problem. We have a gluttony of guys that hand out chicken ass tickets. We got too many of those guys. We didn't get enough port guys. Oh, we got a whole bunch of guys who hand out chicken ass tickets at the beach. But we didn't get enough guys who check for terrorists. We got too many. We got too many of the parking enforcement guys. We didn't get enough terrorist guys. Oh, what are we gonna do? I guess we're gonna start hatching. Where's the nest? Where do we gotta hatch more of the guys who stop actual crime? Where are those guys? Why don't you just take the chicken ass guys and convert them? Can we do that? What, is it a different guy? It's the same guy. Jesus Christ. I don't know why we do this. Like, we don't have enough. You got plenty. We got too much of this guy. I'll put some of those guys over there. I swear to Christ, if these guys ran a football team, there'd be 11 quarterbacks. And go, where's no line? We don't have them. Get some of the other guys to block, you idiots. Jesus Christ. Everyone just sits back idly and just, well, they don't have enough guys. Meanwhile, I'm surrounded by guys driving parking enforcement Chevettes. Oh, we don't have enough. Listen, here's the whole thing. These guys, you just train them. Oh, I had an idea today too, Drew. We gotta take a break, but oh, Mando, I got an idea. This is gonna be controversial.

41:25 Drew Unlike the other things you've been saying.

41:26 Adam This is gonna be controversial. Be prepared for controversy when we come back, everybody.

41:31 Drew Does it involve color or sex?

41:33 Adam It involves animals, it involves religion, it involves ethnicity. It's gonna be a disaster. This may be the last thing I say in the air.

41:40 Callum Blue Can't wait.

41:41 Adam Callum Blue here from Princess Diaries, everybody. Tomorrow, take your kids. We'll be right back after this.

41:50 Caller Love Line will be right back, so get your problems ready.

41:56 Adam Drew, how much money do guys spend trying to get chicks? Into the billions? Yes. Cars?

42:03 Caller Everything.

42:03 Adam Condos?

42:04 Caller Hair plugs?

42:05 Adam Hair plugs, all they need is a max deodorant body spray and a million dollars. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Callum Blue here tonight.

42:32 Callum Blue Hello.

42:33 Adam Starring in The Princess Diaries, the sequel, number two.

42:37 Callum Blue And Dead Like Me.

42:42 Adam And Dead Like Me, which is Showtimes, which is confusing here.

42:47 Callum Blue There's no S.

42:47 Adam Showtime, everybody. Yeah. All right. Now, my very controversial stance. Sunday night's 10 o'clock, by the way.

42:55 Callum Blue I've been waiting with bated breath.

42:58 Adam Here it is. I've spoken in the past about my venereal sniffing dogs.

43:02 Drew Yes. Clue Callum in on that.

43:05 Adam Well, we have dogs, we train them to sniff anything out, cocaine, marijuana, explosives at the airport.

43:11 Callum Blue I've been attacked by one at the airport.

43:12 Adam Have you? Backyard fruit. Are you okay?

43:14 Callum Blue I'm okay.

43:16 Adam But not emotionally. Well, Drew, hug him please when I continue. The point is, we can teach these dogs to sniff. If we can teach them the difference between gunpowder and cocaine, we can teach them how to sniff out a venereal disease on a woman. Because God knows everything's got their own smell, and especially venereal disease.

43:34 Callum Blue Have you smelled venereal disease? I'm sorry.

43:36 Drew Have you smelled that?

43:37 Adam Dog's good, dog's good.

43:38 Callum Blue Why can't we?

43:40 Adam Well, why can't we find explosives that are duct taped in saran wrap and put in a piece of Samsonite?

43:47 Callum Blue That's true. They have really sensitive sniffing smells.

43:50 Adam Makes you wonder why they smell each other's ass. But Drew's hypothesized that it just smells like pizza to them.

43:57 Drew It comes from the other side because it's so good. It's so powerful that it's just completely wonderful.

44:06 Adam So here's my point. I started thinking, okay, now, I was hearing about this big problem. Listen, talk radio today. They're thinking a lot of Al-Qaeda people are gonna be coming over from Mexico because the borders are so porous here. Arizona and Texas and California. That's another thing, by the way. We talk about security in this country. We've done nothing to beef up the borders since 9-11, which is, again, one of these things. Again, if someone was smoking and came over the border, SWAT team would drop down on them.

44:39 Drew Black guy, helicopters and black guy.

44:41 Adam They'd be prosecuted full-time in the law. But if you just wanna come to this country undocumented, that's fine. So now they're worried that a lot of these Al-Qaeda guys are gonna come over with Mexican surnames and pose as Mexican citizens who are sneaking in here and being left alone and get the paperwork and stuff. And I thought to myself, yeah, they're kind of dark skinned people. And I guess if they did it up right, took the, gotten the right garb, might be able to pass themselves off. And then I thought, what about my dogs? What if my dogs could tell the difference? And I wonder if you just trained them. Like what if you took a dog that could do the airport security and you took like a hundred Mexican guys over here and a hundred guys from Turkey over there? The Lord knows I can tell the difference, I think. I think. The point is you got the dog's use to the Al-Qaeda guys. You bring them down to Guantanamo Bay. You get them used to that. Then you bring them down to Alvera Street or anywhere in Los Angeles. And you get them used to that, right? You get them trained. Then when the guys are posing and the guy, you know, Juan Hernandez is what the paperwork says. Let the dog get a whiff, see what the dog says. Do you think there's a difference in people that way?

45:57 Drew Probably.

45:57 Adam Yeah, now that just...

45:58 Callum Blue Yes, there is, because they eat different spices and oil.

46:04 Adam But even when the diet evens out, the hereditary, the whatever, right? Glans, whatever, millions of years in a certain region of the world, in a certain climate, whatever, certain terrain. Don't you think? All right.

46:18 Drew It's a great idea.

46:18 Adam Kind of a layup for a dog, right?

46:20 Callum Blue That's genius.

46:21 Adam Thank you. You're welcome. That's what I do, I drive around all day. I can get my dog smelling ethnicities.

46:28 Drew Then there can be no complaints about profiling.

46:32 Adam Yeah, we get like a Pollock in there. We mix it up. We have him do it.

46:38 Callum Blue Was that your controversial moment?

46:40 Drew That was it.

46:41 Adam It wasn't as controversial as you thought, was it?

46:43 Callum Blue No, I'm a bit disappointed.

46:44 Adam I'm sorry, but strong.

46:45 Callum Blue But strong.

46:46 Adam A little less in the controversy department, but a little more impressive than you thought.

46:49 Callum Blue Yeah, it really was.

46:50 Adam I'm gonna tell you during the commercial break about my tank crows.

46:53 Drew Oh boy.

46:54 Adam Oh, and I'll tell you, that's gonna be it for us. You're gonna go through the roof. I'm gonna train crows to be a tank, to tank crows.

47:02 Drew Crows are so smart.

47:04 Adam It's so mean. I'm gonna talk Cal Moff down.

47:06 Callum Blue A crow attacked me in my pram when I was five.

47:08 Adam Really? You've been attacked by all of my ideas.

47:11 Drew In his pram.

47:11 Callum Blue Maybe it was a magpie.

47:13 Adam His pram?

47:14 Drew Prambulator.

47:15 Adam Is that your sack?

47:15 Callum Blue Would you call it?

47:17 Adam All right, I don't know what he means, his pram. What do you call it?

47:21 Drew Stroller.

47:22 Adam His what? Stroller. Stroller. I called it a pram. Buggy. All right, let's take a break. Pram. What's up? Callum Blue here tonight, Princess Diaries 2. We'll take a quick break. Be right back. Hey everybody, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, Callum Blue, here tonight.

47:57 Callum Blue Hey, you guys work late, huh?

47:58 Adam The Princess Diary is the name of the movie.

48:01 Callum Blue Yeah. How does that affect your sex life?

48:04 Adam No, I go home, I beat off, it's fine. It's no problem. Drew, how about you? You be able to beat off?

48:09 Drew I have to wait for the weekends.

48:11 Callum Blue The great thing is that you don't have to look good for radio, do you?

48:13 Drew Yeah.

48:14 Adam Thanks, buddy.

48:15 Callum Blue I came in with greasy hair and not shaving. It was great because normally you have to make an effort.

48:22 Drew We normally wear pajamas, really. We're both dressed up tonight.

48:24 Adam Oh, hold on a second. I'm wearing, that's pretty low-rent.

48:28 Callum Blue You've got moccasins on.

48:29 Adam These things are a disaster. Yeah, and they're moccasins.

48:32 Drew You should know, for you you look dressed up tonight.

48:35 Adam Oh yeah, because I'm wearing a shirt. I usually come in here just underpants during the summer and duct tape around my feet so I don't cut it when I walk in the parking lot. I was talking to Callum about my attack crows during the break.

48:47 Callum Blue I think it's a genius idea.

48:48 Adam Thank you, thank you. They're mean and they're smart. We could easily train them.

48:52 Callum Blue I told you I got attacked by one.

48:54 Adam Yeah.

48:54 Callum Blue And they're evil. They're the devil spawn.

48:56 Adam They are. All good devil movies have a crow. They never have a macaw. They never have a macaw. The crow. They never have a macaw.

49:04 Callum Blue Yeah, or a budgerigar.

49:05 Adam Yeah, what?

49:06 Callum Blue You guys don't know what budgerigars are, do you? They're the cute little colorful ones. The parakeets. The budgerigars. See, the difference is between Americans and English.

49:14 Adam And what do you guys call a stroller?

49:16 Callum Blue A pram.

49:18 Adam Pram.

49:18 Callum Blue That's so gay, isn't it? Pram.

49:19 Adam That's the gayest word ever. Pram is gay, yeah. Stroller ain't in the great shakes either, but it is butcher, yeah. Stroller sounds like something you could put paint on with.

49:29 Drew Yeah.

49:30 Adam Whereas a pram sounds like, you know, it's really a butt plug is what it sounds like. Used. When a butt plug, after a butt plug's been used, it becomes a pram.

49:41 Callum Blue Excuse me, I sat in a pram when I was a kid.

49:43 Drew Sat on a pram? Oh my God.

49:45 Adam Is this a butt plug or a pram? Oh yeah, it's a pram. Definitely a pram. Definitely a pram.

49:52 Drew Hey, you sold me a pram.

49:54 Adam It was in the used bin. All right, come on, let's focus now. Let's get it together now. We've got people to help.

50:06 Drew Come on, let's go.

50:06 Callum Blue So what are you doing there?

50:07 Drew We're helping out these people.

50:09 Adam We're helping out. We blame you, Callum. Normally, the show's all calls.

50:13 Callum Blue Oh, seriously.

50:13 Adam I've never spoken about driving or my Tacros or my drug sniffing dogs or my new ethnicity sniffing dogs.

50:22 Drew What's up, Renita?

50:23 Adam That's heavy. What's happened, Renita? You're 22.

50:27 Caller At the end of June, I came down with some flu-like symptoms and my right leg swole. It started to swell really badly.

50:35 Drew Mm-mm. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. Oh.

50:39 Adam Oh.

50:39 Drew You got two of them going off.

50:41 Adam Oh, my God.

50:43 Drew This is some sort of an award-winning.

50:44 Adam Well, now, wait a minute. Now, why don't we hear it again?

50:47 Drew Because it's going to be 30 seconds before you hear them.

50:49 Adam Oh, and then we're going to hear them back to back?

50:51 Callum Blue Yes.

50:51 Drew Yes.

50:51 Adam All right. Hold on. What we heard, Renita, we heard her smoke alarm. When it has the battery gets low on it, they chirp. They chirp every 30 seconds.

51:00 Drew You'll hear it again in a second.

51:01 Adam Now, we heard a one-two within about three seconds.

51:04 Drew And one sounded off in the distance.

51:05 Adam Which means two smoke alarms with batteries that are low.

51:07 Drew Here we go.

51:08 Adam No, no. All right. Let's wait for a couple seconds.

51:17 Drew Say something about it, Renita. The mic went off. We have this thing where if there's no sound coming across, the mic's going off.

51:26 Adam I gotta kill myself.

51:28 Drew Renita? Okay. So go ahead and ask your question.

51:31 Adam But now we don't know when this…

51:32 Drew We will because it's going to be at 35 as long as she talks. What's the question?

51:37 Caller It starts to swell. I went to my doctor and he told me I had cellulitis. Uh-huh. And he put me on Cipro, but it just got worser. And I was admitted into the hospital. I was there for a week and they had me on a drip.

51:48 Drew Did they do an ultrasound of your leg to make sure it's not a blood clot?

51:50 Caller Yeah, they did that. They just did my lymph nodes were swollen.

51:54 Drew Right.

51:55 Caller And they put me on something else, another…

52:01 Drew Antibiotic.

52:02 Caller Antibiotic. Hello?

52:06 Drew Yeah, go ahead. Oh, see? Two.

52:08 Adam Yeah, that's two. She got two. We've never had this before. I am so excited. That went off at 53 and they went off at like 58.

52:17 Drew No, 04.

52:18 Adam No, it wasn't that long.

52:19 Drew Yes, yes. Watch. It was much longer than I thought. Well, maybe it's…

52:23 Adam And why are we at 53 and 58? These things are slower.

52:26 Drew One's different.

52:28 Adam No, I know one's different, but they're both… All right, just keep talking.

52:32 Callum Blue She's got a swollen leg.

52:33 Caller I'm trying to time this.

52:35 Caller So, anyway, basically they told me that it was probably due to the circulation being cut off in my leg. I don't know much about the disease. What happened was I got these horrible flu-like symptoms.

52:45 Drew Yeah, well, that's just because you had an infection.

52:48 Caller I thought I had got bit by a mosquito. Something like this happened last year.

52:53 Adam Just like five seconds.

52:54 Drew Yeah, like seven seconds.

52:57 Callum Blue Well, I'm not taking her spoken leg very seriously.

52:59 Adam No, I know. I know. But Renita, you have two smoke alarms that both need batteries and are chirping every 30 seconds about eight seconds apart from each other.

53:11 Drew Is this your bedroom you're in right now? Basement?

53:15 Adam On the basement. And we're probably hearing the one from upstairs.

53:19 Drew From the kitchen or something.

53:20 Adam From the kitchen. How long have these smoke detectors been going off like this?

53:25 Caller They never go off.

53:27 Adam Oh. No, not go off, but chirp, yes, to let you know the battery is low.

53:33 Caller Oh, I thought it was, we had an alarm system that wasn't activated. I thought that was it. I didn't know it was the smoke detector.

53:41 Adam The chirping sound that's coming from the round thing on the ceiling?

53:45 Drew The round white little device there.

53:47 Caller Yeah, I know what that is. I didn't know that's what it was.

53:55 Adam Must be nice.

53:57 Caller Out, so put batteries in it.

53:58 Adam That's a good plan. Nine volts. You can test it by putting it on your tongue. If you're a girl, you can actually put it on other parts. Yeah. Alright, so what should she do, Drew?

54:11 Drew She should change the battery of the smoke. Where is the other one?

54:14 Adam I don't care about the smoke detector. I'm here to help the kids.

54:17 Drew What is the question you have, Renee, about this?

54:19 Caller Okay, my doctor told me I'm overweight. And he told me the best thing for me to do was to lose the weight. And I asked would I still have these symptoms years later.

54:30 Drew No, no, no. Here's the deal.

54:31 Caller I'm talking about the swelling.

54:32 Drew Alright. Well, the swelling is the reason you're getting the infections. When you have edema in your legs, the bacteria get in through the skin, and it's almost impossible to get the cellulitis cleared up until the edema is completely gone.

54:42 Adam Why does the bacteria get in through the skin?

54:44 Drew It's just the lymphatics don't work right. There's breaks in the skin. The normal immunity does not function normally when the skin is like that.

54:50 Caller While I was in the hospital, I had a growth coming out the side of my ankle.

54:54 Drew Well, alright. Look, the fact is, you're very overweight, right? Yes. Yeah. And until that weight is off, you're going to have a problem with the edema. As long as you have trouble with the edema, you're going to keep getting infections.

55:04 Adam How is she supposed to get to the smoke alarm if she's that overweight? You can run? What if there's a fire?

55:12 Drew That's what she's saying.

55:13 Adam You're going to get wedged in the door.

55:14 Caller I can jump out the window.

55:16 Adam You can jump out the window. We better hope you don't land on someone. Push them into the ground. Try them in like a pylon. How much do you weigh?

55:25 Caller I'm at about 300 pounds.

55:26 Adam About 300. How tall are you? You're a black woman? You're not going to be sexy on a black woman. White women don't stand a chance. Not with that. Black women are actually sexy.

55:38 Callum Blue Bootsy is always sexy.

55:41 Adam Here's the thing. You're 22, baby doll. We've got to lose the weight.

55:44 Drew It's becoming a medical problem now.

55:46 Adam Let's lose that weight, Renita.

55:47 Drew You're going to get diabetes, hypertension, you're going to get liver disease. It's going to be a mess.

55:52 Adam They're going to amputate something, and you're going to be 30.

55:55 Caller That's another thing. That's what's mostly got me scared, because I'm really ready to lose the weight, but this doesn't go away, does it?

56:04 Drew What?

56:04 Caller Even if you were to lose the weight.

56:05 Drew Yes, it does. That's my point. If you get the swelling under control, the infection will not recur. Unless it's in the bone now, which I doubt it is.

56:13 Callum Blue How are you in yourself? Are you confident? Do you like yourself?

56:18 Caller I guess I'm normal. I just have a problem with people. It's all right with me, but when it comes to my health, that's when I'm ready to lose it.

56:31 Callum Blue You sound like you're really confident and secure within yourself. It's just when it comes to medical problems, I think that's the time to... No, definitely not, man. I mean, you can be where you want to be.

56:44 Drew Unfortunately, that's just the least of a long list of problems that are going to begin developing. Obesity can be a real serious problem. Diabetes is in your future.

56:51 Adam Start losing weight.

56:53 Drew It's a bad thing.

56:53 Adam Yes, please. You can do it. You're beautiful the way you are. That's what society says. However, we're going to chop your legs off in six months. So lose the weight. All right, and here's the other thing, too. The smoke detector on the ceiling, that's where the trouble comes. I realize...

57:10 Drew Yes, it needs to be lower, right?

57:12 Adam I've had a light bulb out in my garage door opener for the last month. Once in a while, I don't do things just to see, just to amuse myself, see how long my wife will ignore it. And I realize...

57:24 Drew Infinity.

57:25 Adam Oh, listen. That's a tonic. It's like waiting for your dog to pick up around the house. It can go for a thousand years. It's never going to stop it doing it. My wife has unlimited, unlimited-less ability to ignore things. And I realize chicks can't get to stuff and they don't know the whole get on stuff, get on the ladder stuff. They don't do the get on the ladder stuff. They do the stripper pole, ironically, then go right up that pole. Gamper up that pole. Maybe we need a pole. You know what we need for women? You need a pole instead of a ladder.

57:58 Callum Blue Not a ladder, a pole.

57:59 Drew A pole to move around.

58:00 Adam Instead of an eight foot ladder, you just put an eight foot, not an eight frame ladder. Just a pole, nice round base on it.

58:05 Drew Perfect.

58:05 Adam Just slide it in. You know, it could be telescoping, you know. Like it's just four foot, slide it up. Honey, change the battery on it. Well, go get the pole. Slide the pole up. I put a little girls, girls, girls on.

58:19 Callum Blue Normal women cannot get up a pole. There's only strippers that can get up poles.

58:23 Adam But they're obliged to try. That's what I'm saying. The ladders, they think, is off limits. And smoke detectors are on the ceiling. Chicks can't reach them. And because they can't reach them, and they're sure as hell not going to get a ladder out, it ain't never going to happen. Light bulb goes up, nope, can't do it. I don't know, what's a woman that lives alone do? Just, do you?

58:44 Drew Wait till you get a boyfriend?

58:44 Adam Do you, you understand that we have a condo and we rent it out.

58:51 Drew You and your wife.

58:51 Adam Yeah, and there's a chick, no me and my lover.

58:54 Drew I'm just saying for the sake of the audience.

58:56 Adam Thank you. That's good radio, Drew.

58:58 Drew Thank you.

58:58 Adam Now stop.

58:59 Drew We could pay the same, can you imagine that?

59:00 Adam Oh, don't get me started.

59:02 Drew Go ahead.

59:02 Adam You're never even here. Okay, here's the point. You show up once a week to shill your book and then that's it. Hit the road again for Up John or whatever man you're dancing for. Here's the thing, we got a chick rent in the condo. She calls the other day, what's up? Yeah, the battery's out in the smoke detector. Yeah?

59:21 Drew She called you for that?

59:23 Adam Gotta come on out.

59:24 Callum Blue Could you do it?

59:27 Adam Of course.

59:28 Drew It's like changing like a flashlight.

59:30 Adam It snapped the stupid thing off and put the stupid 9-volt battery on it.

59:33 Callum Blue I'm an actor, you don't need to, you know.

59:35 Adam Sorry, sorry.

59:36 Callum Blue You don't need to be nasty about it, but I don't know how to do that.

59:39 Adam You've not done it. Well, in England, I bet you guys don't have them. If you do, you call them diggery do's or something.

59:44 Drew No, they don't have them. They have them if they wish to have them.

59:47 Adam Yes, that's not a law, because they're adults over there. But here's the thing. Yeah, she got on the horn. Yeah, come on down, change the battery.

59:55 Drew Did you start yelling at her?

59:56 Adam I just can't handle it anymore. But the point is, is we gotta take smoke detectors, we gotta put them lower, because chicks can't get to them. And big chicks especially can't get to them.

1:00:07 Drew Might hurt herself.

1:00:08 Adam Oh yeah.

1:00:09 Callum Blue She's got swollen legs as it is. She doesn't want a swollen head as well.

1:00:13 Adam She should come off that ladder, she should go right through the subfloor and into the basement. Poof. Martha? Martha?

1:00:22 Callum Blue Martha is a fat chick name.

1:00:24 Adam Is it? All right. Martha, you're 22.

1:00:32 Drew No, that was a first.

1:00:33 Adam That was a first. That was crazy. Yeah. That's two smoke detectors going off within seven or eight seconds of each other, every 30 seconds. You're living in that house and, huh, don't know.

1:00:47 Drew Doesn't register.

1:00:48 Adam You know, my crows would take care of that. Melissa? I'm telling you that would drive a reptile insane.

1:00:55 Drew Yeah.

1:00:56 Adam I'm telling you, if you had a snake under a heat lamp, it would kill itself by eating its own tail. If you had it in the room where that thing went off.

1:01:05 Drew Yeah, I know.

1:01:06 Adam How can a human do that?

1:01:09 Caller You'd have to not like snakes, I guess.

1:01:13 Adam Hold on a second.

1:01:18 Drew That's what we call concrete thinking.

1:01:20 Adam Did she say snakes? So, you're saying I shouldn't take my bow constrictor and put it in the room filled with the smoke detectors that are chirping?

1:01:31 Caller I'm sorry. My three-year-old was talking to me at the same time I misunderstood.

1:01:34 Adam Sorry there, baby doll. What's happening?

1:01:36 Caller That's not a good idea. I don't think that's good.

1:01:40 Adam You would change your smoke detector battery, right?

1:01:42 Caller Probably. All right.

1:01:43 Adam Have you ever been on a ladder?

1:01:45 Caller Yes, I have. And actually, I was going to make a comment about that. I was going to say, Adam, I climbed the ladder.

1:01:51 Adam You do?

1:01:52 Caller Yes, I do.

1:01:53 Adam To do what? Clean out the gutters? What do you do up there?

1:01:57 Caller Whatever needs to be done.

1:01:59 Adam And you wouldn't be more comfortable on a pole?

1:02:02 Caller No, actually, I'm not.

1:02:04 Drew All right.

1:02:04 Adam Okay. I'm still going ahead with this idea.

1:02:06 Drew And your question.

1:02:08 Caller My question is... Well, let's see here. First off, when I was younger, I had a sexual appetite.

1:02:22 Adam Three-year-old just vomited.

1:02:25 Caller And it's a psychological thing. I know this.

1:02:29 Drew Why is it psychological?

1:02:32 Caller Because in order for me to be interested in sex, it always had to be very exciting and new.

1:02:42 Drew Maybe that's more of a... I'm not saying that's not necessarily... I mean, I could have a psychological basis, but perhaps it's just the case that that's further evidence that your biological drive was always kind of low, and that's why you needed that kind of excitement. Unless... Are you telling me, again, that you're a trauma survivor? You have some kind of abuse or something?

1:03:02 Caller I've always thought that's possible.

1:03:06 Drew Let's forget about postulating things. So what's happening now?

1:03:11 Caller Well, my husband wants to have sex all the time, continuously.

1:03:15 Drew Does that shut you down even further?

1:03:18 Caller Yeah.

1:03:19 Yeah.

1:03:20 Caller I can't go in the other room.

1:03:21 Adam Yeah, vicious cycle.

1:03:23 Drew And you have a three-year-old, only one child?

1:03:25 Caller Three-year-old and a six, no, seven-month-old.

1:03:28 Drew Okay. Well, first of all, having a child under the age of one, it's almost impossible to have sex. I mean, that's so stressful, particularly for a woman. It's sucking your soul right out of you. Are you breastfeeding now?

1:03:39 Caller Actually, this guy weaned himself early, but the first one I did...

1:03:43 Drew I'm asking because that can further shut down your sex drive rate. It can. Are you menstruating normally? So you haven't even started your normal cycling. You need to see...

1:03:51 Callum Blue He's off balance, right?

1:03:51 Drew Look, you need to see a doctor about the hormonal situation. If you get back, your cycling, if the estrogen comes back into your system, progesterone cycle starts developing normally. No, I understand that it was low and you needed a lot of excitement, but right now, you've got the stress of being a mother, the stress of young children, and the biological changes of pregnancy, which can be profound. It is very common for women to have a marked drop. Well, first of all, you don't clearly don't understand it either, so how can... It's hard for him to understand something that you're blaming on all sorts of spurious things. The fact is, it's very common for there to be a big drop in sex drive because of biological changes of pregnancy. Sometimes a maneuver simply is going on the birth control pill can bring it back. And there also can be depressions in that first year.

1:04:36 Adam But if you're angry at your husband...

1:04:38 Drew Well, you get angry because he's on or on or on or and she feels objectified.

1:04:42 Adam Well, what else? Are you angry with him for anything else?

1:04:47 Caller I guess that's a possibility. We had a little bit of a rough time.

1:04:51 Adam What happened?

1:04:52 Before...

1:04:53 Caller what happened? No, the opposite, actually.

1:05:01 Drew What's the opposite of cheating?

1:05:02 Adam She cheated. He did not cheat.

1:05:03 Drew He did not cheat.

1:05:05 Adam No, she cheated. I did.

1:05:13 Drew Did you ever have a stint with drugs and alcohol? Yeah, I could just smell it. I just know it.

1:05:19 Adam You're like one of my ethnicity sniffing dogs.

1:05:22 Callum Blue So you cheated because that's where you found the excitement.

1:05:25 Drew No, no, no. This is...

1:05:27 Adam Don't crap on our guest's point.

1:05:29 Drew Yes, yes, the point is, yes, your point is absolutely correct, and that's what alcoholics addicts do, is that they need a lot of...

1:05:35 Adam Don't negate their good points, Drew.

1:05:37 Drew No, no, listen, I was just behaving like one of the college boys. No, no, no. Yeah, no, no, the answer to the correct is yes, you're exactly right, but the arousal is what alcoholic addicts can go for.

1:05:45 Adam Yeah, vindication, buddy.

1:05:46 Drew Yeah, and so Melissa, you've got some other stuff going on here. So there may have been some trauma. You've got a substance history, and that's still active. You're not in recovery now. You've got ambivalent feelings about your relationships. There's biological changes, a lot going on here.

1:06:00 Adam Stop pooping out the kids, A number one. Yeah, and who'd you cheat with, by the way?

1:06:07 Caller It was someone I had a very long history with. Oh, well, a total sociopath problem. We were having very big problems.

1:06:16 Drew And he's a dangerous guy, right?

1:06:18 Adam Stay away from this guy.

1:06:19 Caller Yeah, I guess you could call him that.

1:06:20 Drew Wow, you're good.

1:06:21 Adam Stay away from this guy.

1:06:23 Caller Definitely.

1:06:24 Adam All right, stop punishing your husband. Go to the doctor and get a little therapy, because here's the thing, you're going to screw your kids up.

1:06:30 Drew Yeah, it's a little mental health stuff here, a little focus.

1:06:32 Callum Blue And it sounds like your husband's very, very kind of, you know, he's being patient with you and he's understanding, so don't be too hard on him as well, huh?

1:06:42 Adam I don't know, she chose him, I worry. On the other hand, he may not be exciting enough for her, and that's what makes him a good guy.

1:06:50 Drew Right.

1:06:50 Adam Okay, so here's the thing, everybody. If you're impaired, you're going to screw your kids up, you really are. And people separate that all the time. We talk to these idiots all night where it's like, well, I do a little math, I got a little problem with impulse, you know, containing my impulses. I got some rage problems, I was molested, I'm an alcoholic, but I'm a great mother. I'm a great parent.

1:07:17 Drew And I'm 14.

1:07:18 Adam Yeah, it's really like saying, you know, I got a problem with booze, I got a problem with cocaine, I don't read maps well, and I'm not good at math. But I'm a great pilot.

1:07:32 Drew I'm a great pilot.

1:07:32 Adam Don't ever question me. I'm a fantastic pilot, and all my passengers couldn't be any safer.

1:07:37 Callum Blue So it's a responsibility.

1:07:38 Adam Yeah, it's like, no, you're not. And yeah, just because your kid doesn't actually do a bump of coke with you when you're doing it, doesn't mean, and just because a kid doesn't consciously know what you're doing, they feel it. It's worse.

1:07:51 Drew Just because you hang in with your children and don't abandon the way your parents did, and just because you love your kids, just because you love your kids and you felt unloved by your parents, that's not even starting to be a parent. That's not the beginning of parenting yet. That's being a human being reasonable, but not being a good parent.

1:08:12 Adam Yeah, and if you're angry and you're having a, there's a bunch of weird energy between you and the old man, and the kids pick right up on that. So please, get a little therapy on behalf of the kids.

1:08:21 Drew It's weird. When I talk to an alcoholic, I just know it. I just feel it in my toes.

1:08:26 Adam Yeah, well, Drew knows.

1:08:27 Drew That's weird.

1:08:28 Adam Really, you're as good as one of my dogs.

1:08:31 Drew Really? Maybe I smell it. Maybe I just don't realize it.

1:08:32 Adam Dogs? Really? Do we think they could sniff ethnicity out? They say.

1:08:36 Drew My son was telling me that the dog could, no, sharks could smell blood if they were in Los Angeles. They could smell the blood from Nevada. I thought, really? Wow. Which is in Portland. I smell alcohol from Portland.

1:08:48 Adam You hear about that stuff every once in a while where it's like, you put one drop of blood in a 10-mile radius of a shark and sniff it, one part in 10 billion parts of water, something like that. You think to yourself, okay, I can't question that, but I swear to God, it's not true. If I had a shark, I would disprove that theory. I got to get a shark. I know my shark wouldn't turn around if I put a little eye drop of blood in there.

1:09:13 Callum Blue The shark could join your crows and your dogs and you're going to sort it out. You could eat one scary person.

1:09:18 Drew You'd be like Aquaman, except you'll be like...

1:09:21 Adam I'll be like Aquaman, Delta, and I'll be everything, man. Yeah. Land and sea man, and fibba man, crows by land, sharks by sea, I'll be great.

1:09:36 Drew Canine.

1:09:38 Adam Yeah. Yeah. I see myself, I can see it now. I'm standing about three foot of water. I got the shark there petting its dorsal fin. My crows are on my shoulders. I got my Labrador circling us. Perfect. And fibba man. Yeah. This is strong. Sharks out sniffing blood. Crows out jumping on guys that have taken hostages and protecting moi. It's huge.

1:10:04 Drew And they're all running the border.

1:10:06 Adam Dogs at the border. Dogs sniff out the ethnicities and the crows go and get them. And then they drag them into the Rio Grande and the sharks get them because I got fresh water ones, too. This is going to be huge. I got to go. This is bigger than the show. I'm wasting my time with this show. Do you realize that?

1:10:24 Drew In terms of human history, I think you're right.

1:10:26 Adam Yeah, what if like Thomas Edison did a talk show where he just sat around and spazzed out teenagers all night? Would you tell him, no, no, Thomas, get to the lab, buddy. Society needs you.

1:10:37 Drew No, I'd say, hey, stay here. Stay here. Relax.

1:10:40 Adam Would you?

1:10:40 Drew No.

1:10:41 Adam Yeah, you'd want Thomas in the lab. I gotta go to the lab. That's it. I'm going to the lab. I'm going.

1:10:47 Callum Blue If the job is available, I'm available, too.

1:10:50 Drew You'll take this one? You like this job? You like this?

1:10:52 Callum Blue I'm out of work. If he's got his sharks and his crows, I'll come and join you.

1:10:54 Drew You like this job?

1:10:55 Callum Blue I like this job.

1:10:56 Adam Oh, this job. I thought you'd go to the lab with me.

1:10:58 Drew No, no, he wants to talk in the British. He likes to hear you talking on the radio every night.

1:11:01 Adam But I'm gonna need a Watson type.

1:11:03 Callum Blue Oh, I'll be that.

1:11:04 Adam Because I need that British accent. You offer me tea, like, it's late, it's very late.

1:11:11 Callum Blue I mean, if you call the crow the raven, not crow, it's raven.

1:11:15 Adam You come down to the lab, you offer me tea, and then ask if you can have a Christmas off and I start screaming at you. Huh?

1:11:22 Callum Blue Wait, is that Scrooge?

1:11:23 Drew Is that the Christmas story?

1:11:24 Adam Well, I like to mix it up. I'm a workaholic.

1:11:27 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:11:27 Adam I'm down in the lab.

1:11:29 Drew Counting your money.

1:11:29 Adam I tell you, you can go home. It's late. Get some sleep. Let's take a little break. Callum Blue, my Watson, here tonight. Well, The Princess Diaries 2, by the way, Drew's gonna see you tomorrow. Because it's out tomorrow. It's a quick break. We'll be right back. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Callum Blue here tonight from The Princess Diaries 2. And Dead Like Me.

1:12:16 Drew Let's let Callum finish that thought. Say it again.

1:12:18 Adam Showtime, by the way, 10 o'clock. Showtimes.

1:12:20 Drew Princess Diaries 2.

1:12:21 Adam Oh, slug somebody. Go ahead. Finish your thought. We're talking off the air.

1:12:26 Drew About how crappy this country is.

1:12:27 Adam Well, how crappy it's becoming. And if you go, we'll get to Callum's thought in a second. If you go to Europe, you'll realize how much freer they are. And everyone talks about freedom over there. It's like, well, they're not uptight. They can take their tops off at the beach. I don't care about that kind of freedom, although it's a good thing. It's freedom to walk down the street with a beer in your hand if you're not bashing someone over the head with a bottle. It's the freedom to smoke a cigarette in an outdoor cafe without having some puss complain about it. It's essentially you get to be an adult. Callum said something earlier. It's like you're in school here. It's like, remember in school you'd walk down the hall and someone would stop you? Where are you going? Well, let's see that pass. What are you doing? Shouldn't you be over here? That's what this country is turning into. There's nothing you can do. You can't put a fence up on your house without getting a permit, and then the guy's got to come out and he's telling you there's a setback rule, and it can only be such a height. You can't do anything anymore.

1:13:28 Callum Blue But this is also my favorite thing about this country as well. I think in England especially, you've got a whole class system, right? And you are kept in your class. Now over here, for me, being a lower class person in England, has all these opportunities. I can play a prince in a movie, even with my accent. I can be whoever I want to be. Now that has a negative effect as well sometimes. You get this kind of belief that anybody can be somebody over here. So you go to the airport and you've got these people where the power has gone completely to their heads. They are sneering at you. They believe that they can kind of be like this. Because you've been brought up like this in this country.

1:14:09 Adam I think it's called entitlement. We have it in spades out here. And everyone thinks they are important. And everyone thinks somehow that they deserve everything. I come from a whole group of these people. It's like every single American, healthcare is not a privilege. It's a right. Every single American should have top notch access to the best healthcare. You've got to pay some taxes though. You don't just get stuff. You've got to put something in. And by the way, the people screaming the loudest are the people who put the least in and are most angry about that, most resentful at those who put the most in. Kiss my ass, by the way.

1:14:48 Callum Blue You also have the worst waiters in the world because they believe that they should be waited on.

1:14:56 Adam That's Los Angeles though. You travel, you get nice people. But here you get hot chicks and actors and stuff. And by the way, think about a 21 year old hot chick. Go fetch my grub. Not really. She can physically do it, but it's tough. You know what I'm saying? We got everybody in Los Angeles as an actor who wants to be doing it. Everyone in Los Angeles wants to do something else. And if you want to do something else that's going to make you bad at what you're currently doing.

1:15:26 Callum Blue Don't do it.

1:15:28 Adam Oh, whatever you do, if you're going to do it, just do it. Or don't get paid.

1:15:33 Callum Blue Do it well. Even if you're cleaning toilets. Clean the toilets well. Take some pride in your job.

1:15:37 Adam That's right. Chris, do you hear this? Now, get me some goddamn coffee.

1:15:44 Callum Blue And do it well.

1:15:45 Adam And do it well.

1:15:46 Callum Blue Don't spit it in.

1:15:47 Adam And don't blow that snot rocket in. I did last time. Don't think I don't know what you do to my coffee.

1:15:53 Callum Blue I saw him.

1:15:53 Drew I'll take some coffee.

1:15:54 Adam If you had more time, there would be something else in there, Drew. You know what I'm saying?

1:15:58 Drew Back to the Duke again. Here we go.

1:15:59 Adam I'm not talking about Duke. I'm talking about a little extra cream. You know what I'm saying?

1:16:04 Drew Richard, 22.

1:16:04 Adam You know what I'm saying?

1:16:05 Drew I hear you.

1:16:06 Adam Richard?

1:16:07 Yes?

1:16:07 Adam You're 22.

1:16:09 Caller Yes.

1:16:10 Adam What's happening?

1:16:11 Caller A couple of times I tried to have sex with my girlfriend, anal sex with her.

1:16:18 Drew Anal sex?

1:16:19 Caller Yeah. I tried lubrications and stuff, and it always hurts her, I mean like when I try to do it.

1:16:26 Drew Duh.

1:16:27 Caller I was like wondering like what positions or how I could make it...

1:16:32 Drew You know, Adam, we've been talking about the diversity of the American culture here. I wonder if we should introduce Callum to Chief Running Bear. We could talk to Richard about the vagaries of anal sex, perhaps. I'll translate.

1:16:46 Adam Yeah. Because he only speaks Iroquois.

1:16:50 Drew Novel Iroquois.

1:16:51 Adam It's American Indian. You want me to get him?

1:16:53 Drew Should we call him in?

1:16:54 Adam I've not been here for a while.

1:16:55 Drew That's what I'm saying. Well, for Callum, he needs to be exposed to the Native American, since he's been complaining about what's happened to this country. Let's give the original, aboriginals a chance.

1:17:04 Adam He's out in the hall.

1:17:05 Drew Go get him. He's an Indian guy. He's a gynecologist, and he's a very useful source of information. Richard wants to know about women and anal sex.

1:17:15 Callum Blue I could answer the question.

1:17:16 Adam Chief Running Bear.

1:17:17 Drew Do you have Chief Running Bear coming in?

1:17:18 Adam You can help out.

1:17:19 Drew You can chime in.

1:17:21 Callum Blue When you're going to get there, I'll tell you what position is best.

1:17:25 Drew Well, I want Running Bear to hear this, too, because he kind of understands English, but he... Here he is right now, in fact. He doesn't speak it very well. He only speaks... Yeah, so he's serious. Don't stare.

1:17:37 Adam Don't stare.

1:17:38 Drew Don't stare. Don't stare.

1:17:39 Adam He's a little nervous.

1:17:40 Drew He's scared.

1:17:42 Adam More coffee, Chris, please.

1:17:45 Drew He's saying a prayer.

1:17:46 Adam He's saying a prayer over the studio.

1:17:51 Drew You know what happens if you don't get the coffee. There we go. I told you. So, Chief, we have a caller, Richard, he's 22. He has a question about his girlfriend. Go ahead and ask the question again, Richard.

1:18:05 Caller I was wondering how is it easier for my girlfriend to have anal sex, like a better position?

1:18:11 Adam Better position.

1:18:15 Drew Do you mean putting your penis in her hiney?

1:18:18 Caller Yeah.

1:18:22 Drew As God above shines upon us, the God of the sunlight, why would you want to put your penis where the sun don't shine?

1:18:29 Caller Just to try something new.

1:18:37 Callum Blue Sorry.

1:18:38 Drew How about, Chief says, he's just offering you a prayer, and he says, what's wrong with just plain old sex? Hang on a second, coffee please. Coffee, ice cream, and Splenda. Stir it up. No snot rockets. He heard about Mr. Corolla's snot rockets. Corolla told him about it in the hall. Richard, you're not having sex with anybody according to the chief. Chief, this is Callum Blue, an actor, a British actor, in an American film called, Chief, would you like to demonstrate? He said, don't touch his anus. Or God's will strike you down. End of movie. He wishes that, he put a curse on the movie?

1:19:52 Adam Yes, curse on the movie.

1:19:55 Drew That's a good thing in his language. But Chief, Callum offers his opinion, and he believes that, I don't know how he believes this, but how he comes to this opinion, but that lying on one side might be a better way to engage in anal sex.

1:20:18 Adam Why?

1:20:23 Drew In his culture, they call it maze. Maze-hole like key-string the maze.

1:20:34 Adam Key-string the maze.

1:20:35 Drew Thank you, Chief. Thank you. We appreciate it. Bye, Chief. Thank you very much.

1:20:38 Callum Blue Very nice to meet you.

1:20:39 Drew Yes. Come visit him. Maze-hole.

1:20:43 Callum Blue Hello?

1:20:44 Drew Yeah. Chief was very helpful.

1:20:46 Callum Blue Was he good?

1:20:47 Drew He nailed the bogus call.

1:20:48 Adam Bring him in here more often.

1:20:51 Callum Blue I think Chief has had some experience in that matter.

1:20:54 Drew Well, I don't know about Chief, but Callum was coming up with all kinds of stuff. What'd he say? He scared me a little bit.

1:20:58 Adam What'd he say?

1:20:59 Callum Blue On this side, it's more relaxed.

1:21:00 Adam It's more relaxed. So, like, you do it in the sort of from behind, like the dog...

1:21:05 Drew From behind.

1:21:07 Adam Well, when I...

1:21:08 Drew No, please, no, no. Callum is on the floor. Well, your family was on the floor.

1:21:12 Adam Mom is in the next room. Mom is looking at the window.

1:21:15 Callum Blue That was the position.

1:21:17 Adam Almost fetal.

1:21:19 Callum Blue Thank you very much, feature. Right.

1:21:21 Adam But... Yes, Drew.

1:21:23 Drew You are at the receptive partner.

1:21:25 Callum Blue Am I the receptive partner?

1:21:27 Drew Well, you are taking the position of the receptive partner. Oh, shh.

1:21:30 Callum Blue Yes.

1:21:33 Adam Mom is going to... She is having a stroke. Just hang yourself in the next room. I just see your feet swinging through the glass. Look, she is... I don't see your face. I just see your feet swinging through the glass. Drew, go cut her down.

1:21:45 Callum Blue I am an actor. I am playing the part of the woman.

1:21:49 Drew Of the receptive partner.

1:21:52 Adam Of the receptive partner.

1:21:53 Callum Blue Good.

1:21:54 Drew It's a condom. It's a great way to get us to these.

1:21:56 Adam All right. Let's take a break.

1:21:59 Drew That chief wore me out a little bit.

1:22:01 Adam Areola stick out an inch, by the way. That's Mike? It's great to take a shower now. It was all turned on and then it's like Mike from Riverside. Derek? Yeah? Girlfriend get burning sensation?

1:22:16 Drew Yeah.

1:22:17 Callum Blue Take that one.

1:22:17 Drew Yeah.

1:22:18 Adam That burning sensation when Chief Running Bear hits you with a flaming arrow. Have you ever shot a flaming arrow at you, Drew? Huh?

1:22:26 Drew He has not hit me with one yet, thank God.

1:22:28 Adam Let me tell you.

1:22:28 Drew He scares me a little bit, though.

1:22:29 Adam Ironically, I see Chief Running Bear hanging out at Arrow 93, the classic station down there.

1:22:35 Drew Ironic.

1:22:37 Adam He saw it was called Arrow and he showed up. It's a tomahawk. Those could be like, thought they're, you know, they're on the war path or something. Of course. I didn't know they were just playing crappy Jethro Tull songs. I was confused. All right. Let's take a little break. Here we go. Callum Blue here tonight. The Princess Diaries. Did you get the coffee for Chief? Yeah.

1:22:58 Drew Yeah.

1:22:58 Adam He did.

1:22:58 Drew Did he?

1:23:00 Callum Blue He's hocking up first.

1:23:01 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew Callum Blue in here tonight from The Princess Diaries 2, out tomorrow and also Dead Like Me on Showtime Sundays, 10 o'clock. Just talking about the school system in England. Drew was bringing up and Callum was confirming that Eaton, did you say?

1:23:41 Drew Eaton College.

1:23:42 Adam Eaton College. College. They don't have, they wear tails and white gloves and like top hats.

1:23:49 Callum Blue They really look gay.

1:23:51 Drew I was in Eaton because the castle is right above Eaton. What's that? Windsor Castle. Windsor Castle is right above it, isn't it? Yes, Windsor Castle is. Eaton took it out of the base of Windsor and you go through it. I was driving through it. All these teenagers and tails and white gloves. What is good wedding? What the hell is going on here? Oh no, that's how they dress every day. That's how they dress all day.

1:24:10 Adam It makes you behave, I think, when you're wearing white gloves.

1:24:13 Callum Blue No, it makes you get into spanking.

1:24:16 Adam Oh really?

1:24:17 Callum Blue And bestiality.

1:24:18 Adam Bestiality, yeah.

1:24:20 Callum Blue Absolutely. It's like you're trying to hide everything that you are through these stick colors.

1:24:25 Adam You're repressing it.

1:24:26 Callum Blue You're repressing it so it comes out in secret, you know, secret in the bedroom. They whip each other and stuff.

1:24:33 Adam But what's the, you know, here we just wear football jerseys and huge hubcap sized medallions and just pump Jay-Z into everything and people just beat the crap out of each other. Like here we don't contain our impulses enough.

1:24:49 Drew Aggression is overt. Aggression is...

1:24:52 Adam There's got to be a happy balance. Yeah. Yeah. Like maybe a uniform but casual.

1:24:58 Drew Norway.

1:24:59 Adam Norway? Let's go, fellas.

1:25:01 Drew Oslo. That's where we're going.

1:25:03 Adam Derek?

1:25:04 Yeah.

1:25:05 Adam You're 17?

1:25:06 Caller Yeah.

1:25:07 Adam Your girlfriend gets a burning sensation when she's a, when you use condoms?

1:25:12 Caller Yeah. We've been going out for a couple months and then she was a virgin and I took a virginity and I've been using condoms and like she says that it starts burning. I don't work for virginity.

1:25:24 Adam You took it. All right.

1:25:26 Caller Like when she says, when she goes to the bathroom she says it burns too.

1:25:30 Adam We're hip? And do you ever have sex without a condom?

1:25:35 Caller No.

1:25:35 Drew All right. So we don't know if merely the sexual activity causes the irritation or if perhaps it's the condom itself.

1:25:41 Callum Blue Normally it's the men saying this because it's an excuse not to use them.

1:25:46 Drew Men can say their skin gets irritated and that can be a latex allergy or even more commonly the tip of the urethra gets irritated because they don't roll the condom down, leave a little reservoir at the end. But this kind of burning almost sounds like urethral irritation that hurts when she pees. And yeah, the outside of the vagina can cause irritation and burning when you urinate. But first thing you think about is urinary tract, like an infection, a cystitis or urethritis. And that's more a function of the mechanical irritation than the condom.

1:26:11 Adam How old is she, Derek?

1:26:15 Drew She needs to get a pelvic exam. She needs to talk about it with the doctor. They need to check her urine. It may have nothing to do with the condom. Please don't stop using the condom because pregnancy would be a much more unpleasant thing.

1:26:24 Adam But if you guys are sexually active now, it's time for her to go in and see the gynecologist.

1:26:30 Caller All right, well, I guess I'll have to tell her that.

1:26:32 Drew That's right.

1:26:33 Adam That's what you do. Everybody, you're going to be sexually active?

1:26:36 Drew Got to be sane.

1:26:37 Adam Got to get up on the rack. Let the doctor have a little look-see at you. That's all right.

1:26:43 Drew You know, you and I have talked a little bit about female drive to have a baby and the lack of a male drive. There's a book out now called Maternal Desire that explores this in great detail.

1:26:53 Adam All right. Well, I'll not read that.

1:26:55 Drew I know. Well, you'll not read anything. But people are interested. Finally, it's starting to come. The point is, finally, we've been talking about this for a couple of years. It's starting to enter the public lexicon now.

1:27:04 Adam Well, that's good. What we like to do is we like to bring things up a few years before everyone else does. And then after they do it, we like to be bitter about it.

1:27:14 Drew We like to get ridiculed first for bringing it up. Then be bitter.

1:27:17 Callum Blue You're pioneers.

1:27:18 Adam That's right. We're stupid pioneers. Martha? Yeah. Yeah. We're like, we would be Lewis and Clark, except for we would be the guys who did the expedition before them whose names we don't know. That's us. Yes? Yes. All right. Go ahead, Martha. You're 21.

1:27:38 Caller I was just wondering. Well, first of all, I want to say it's so awesome to talk to you guys. I listen to your show like every night.

1:27:43 Caller Thanks. I'm so dedicated.

1:27:45 Caller It's awesome.

1:27:45 Adam Thank you.

1:27:47 Caller I was wondering, how do I go about getting help?

1:27:51 Caller I've got a lot of problems in my life and I really think I need some therapy.

1:27:55 Adam Well, it says up here you were abused and molested by several men.

1:28:00 Caller When I was younger.

1:28:01 Adam So your mom was like an alcoholic or drug addict or she was molested? She hooked up a bunch of idiots?

1:28:07 Caller Yeah, she had really bad boyfriends.

1:28:09 Drew But she must have been molested to attract and to go for guys like that.

1:28:15 Caller I don't think anything ever happened to her when she was younger.

1:28:18 Caller She could not be telling me something.

1:28:19 Drew Yeah, if you asked her point blank, I think you'll find out.

1:28:21 Adam Don't get her drunk.

1:28:22 Drew Yeah.

1:28:24 Adam I mean, because here's the deal. If your mom consistently brought home guys that were having at you, that's guaranteed.

1:28:30 Drew She's an abuse survivor, for sure.

1:28:32 Adam Where's her dad?

1:28:34 Caller Her dad? Yeah.

1:28:36 Caller Gone.

1:28:36 Caller My grandparents divorced a while ago.

1:28:38 Adam And he's been out of the picture for a while?

1:28:41 Caller Yeah.

1:28:42 Drew She has no relationship with him?

1:28:44 Caller Nope.

1:28:44 Drew You don't think that's weird?

1:28:47 Caller Not really.

1:28:48 Drew Well, there's a reason for that.

1:28:49 Adam You don't think it's weird because you're used to it, and of course she's brought that same crap storm down into your life. And by the way, as a society, can't we start making the correlation between the abusive guy who raised mom and then mom brings home the string of abusive guys? And of course, it doesn't seem strange to you because mom never knew her dad. Why should you know your dad? And we don't want to give the Marthas of the world a little heads up, a little tip like, hey, watch out for the guys you hook up with. Don't crap out any kids. And continue this horrible crappy chain.

1:29:22 Drew Thank you.

1:29:24 Caller I don't want to grow up and have kids and do the same thing to my kids.

1:29:28 Caller Good.

1:29:29 Callum Blue That's the first step.

1:29:31 Drew So, do you have health insurance?

1:29:34 Caller No.

1:29:35 Drew Can you afford individual therapy?

1:29:39 Caller I've never had any therapy or anything. I don't even know how to go about it.

1:29:43 Drew Can you afford it? Can you afford therapy?

1:29:48 Caller Nope.

1:29:49 Adam But she's calling from Boise, Idaho. They'd have the airlift in a therapist. They don't have anyone there.

1:29:55 Drew So what are you asking from us?

1:29:59 Caller How do I start? How do I find out about therapy?

1:30:03 Drew Well, you just said you can't afford it.

1:30:04 Caller I was going on the internet and I couldn't really...

1:30:06 Adam Well, okay. Let's figure this out. You have no money. You have no insurance. Yet you've been victimized and you need some help.

1:30:14 Drew Each community will have some mental health resource. How do you find it? The problem is they will not... Well, just county mental health services. But they will not be... Those are more emergency kinds of services. They will not be the kind of things she's looking for.

1:30:27 Adam Is there any equivalent to AA for someone who's been sexually abused?

1:30:30 Drew There's an EA. There's Emotions Anonymous. Oh, really? And there are adult children, alcoholics, and Al-Anon, those sort of things. I can bet there's some drug and alcohol in her past. So there is 12-Step. That's free. And there's again, EA, which is Emotions Anonymous.

1:30:44 Adam So she's got no money.

1:30:46 Drew And listen, go to... No, books won't help. Go to a... Yeah.

1:30:51 Adam Reading is no good.

1:30:52 Drew Yeah, how about the university? Go to the university hospitals. There should be teaching centers there. Go to the department of psychiatry or psychology and get some referrals.

1:31:00 Adam How about that?

1:31:00 Callum Blue What about group therapy?

1:31:01 Drew Well, that... But group is... Yeah, again, it's cost money.

1:31:04 Adam Yeah, but it's cheaper.

1:31:05 Drew It's cheaper. Group would be good for her.

1:31:07 Callum Blue Group therapy, I think, is a wonderful experience.

1:31:10 Drew Group would be excellent for her.

1:31:11 Adam Yeah.

1:31:12 Drew That's the 12 steps.

1:31:12 Adam All right. Do that. And here's the thing, too. You can scrape together 25, 30 bucks a week to go to group. You know what I'm saying? And it's actually good that you do that. It means you're putting some effort into it. Right. And then you can do-

1:31:26 Caller Yeah, I realize there is something wrong with me, and I do need to do something about it.

1:31:29 Adam Good. Excellent. In the meantime, don't get pregnant, and watch out for the guys you hook up with. And then you do that thing I tell you to do. You listen to classical music and you take long walks. It straightens you out a little bit.

1:31:40 Drew A little bit.

1:31:42 Adam Not a therapist, but it's better than sitting home watching TV.

1:31:46 Drew You bring up an interesting point about the books. The books give you information. They do not change. They are wiring in how your brain functions. The only way that really happens is in interpersonal context.

1:31:58 Callum Blue And Scientology.

1:31:59 Adam Yes, you got to find Scientology.

1:32:01 Callum Blue I'm only joking.

1:32:02 Drew In the interpersonal, you have to have an experience with other people in order for things really to change.

1:32:06 Callum Blue I think group therapy in particular is great because you also learn to help other people and that in itself is a great therapy to yourself.

1:32:14 Drew It's a dyadic exchange. It goes back and forth.

1:32:15 Adam Yeah, I did that. I did that once.

1:32:17 Drew I told you not to leave.

1:32:19 Adam What do you try to leave and they tackle you?

1:32:21 Drew Well, you shouldn't have left. You're not done.

1:32:23 Adam It's time to go.

1:32:25 Callum Blue You tried Scientology?

1:32:26 Drew No, no.

1:32:27 Adam Group therapy. Group therapy. The group therapy thing is you try to split after six months of, where are you going? I don't know. I'm done. You're not done. You're not here.

1:32:37 Drew You weren't done? They're telling you. You don't know.

1:32:39 Adam You're crazier than you were before we started. Please don't go. And then everyone's just screaming at you.

1:32:44 Drew Then you found a partner in a radio show to abuse and act out all your crap on. You should have stayed in therapy.

1:32:49 Adam Yeah. Yeah. You should have had me stay in therapy. Yeah. Yeah, man. Christine. You've been on hold for 42 minutes. I just felt bad because we got to go to break, but I felt bad that you're on hold for so long.

1:33:08 Caller Don't worry about it.

1:33:09 Adam I love about you. We got that little girl voice. It worries us.

1:33:13 Drew Oh, God.

1:33:14 Caller I can't stand my voice either.

1:33:17 Drew Maybe we can start with Christine tomorrow night, guys. Put her on hold and call her back tomorrow.

1:33:21 Adam That's not going to happen.

1:33:22 Drew Puddle of Mud coming in later in the week.

1:33:24 Adam Oh, good time.

1:33:25 Drew Callum Blue here tonight.

1:33:26 Adam Fantastic.

1:33:27 Drew Take a break.

1:33:28 Adam What if you dropped Callum Blue in the Puddle of Mud, you would turn brown. Write that down, Drew. You're never writing my stuff down. How come you're never writing my stuff down? Is it all in your brain?

1:33:38 Drew I can catalog it.

1:33:39 Adam All right.

1:33:40 Drew Got a giant microfilm.

1:33:41 Adam Shut up. We'll be back.

1:34:00 Caller 3, 2, 1.

1:34:02 Adam Well, everybody, that's a show. Where'd the time go, Drew?

1:34:06 Drew I don't know where to go. I think Running Bird. She and Franny Bird took it.

1:34:09 Adam That's great. It's great, right? I don't know. That's why we get paid the same. All right. I should have prepped you for that question. I would thank Callum Blue for coming in here. A breath of fresh air from across the Pacific Atlantic. One of the oceans. The pond. The pond is where he came from. The Princess Diaries 2, out tomorrow, which is today, and Then You Got Dead Like Me. Showtime, everyone. 10 o'clock Sunday. So, God bless you, by the way, Callum. God bless you, too. Great meeting you. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, August 10, 2004