Episode 1000634480282

0:57 Voiceover Online is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:03 Voiceover Sexually-oriented content.

1:07 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:08 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline.

1:22 Adam I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Randy Jackson here tonight from American Idol, going on the four season. Good to see you.

1:33 Randy Jackson Hey, hey, what's up, guys? What's up, Doc?

1:36 Adam Good, Andy. If you, Randy...

1:38 Randy vaporized. Look at that.

1:39 Adam I know. There's nothing left of him.

1:41 Oh, no, there are things left. Trust me.

1:42 Adam Let me tell you this. Let me tell you this. I was thinking about skipping rope tonight, and I was thinking about Randy coming in, and I hope Randy dropped some weight. And I thought, but I've talked about this many times where when a black man puts on 100 pounds, he turns into a bouncer. When a white guy puts on 100 pounds, he turns into a chick. When I put on 30 pounds, I start looking like Truman Capote. You put on 100 pounds, you're working at the crazy horse.

2:11 Yeah, right.

2:14 Adam That's all you got to do as a black guy. Here's what you got to do as a black guy. You put on 100 pounds, you got to shave your head. You get that neck roll. Then you got to get a big rope chain bracelet and get some matching trunks and shirt. And then just stand up front of a crazy horse too and just take money.

2:30 Randy Jackson Just go back, back.

2:32 Adam You just stand there and have people hand you money every once in a while.

2:35 Drew This discussion came up when we used Snoop Kid with those two huge guys.

2:38 Adam White guy gets fatty, starts turning pink.

2:40 Starts producing lactating and stuff.

2:45 Drew Something between a pork and female.

2:48 Adam How can we produce estrogen when we put on weight? The black man just puts on muscle.

2:53 Randy Jackson You know how it is, baby. You know it's the manly, manly, manly man. Hello.

3:02 Adam We get pink cheeked and our chest hair falls out. We can't find our penis. Starts to turtle in. We get that punch that obscures our penis. Black guys get the neck roll and get more aggressive.

3:14 Randy Jackson What is that? More authority.

3:17 Adam All they do is just, they slide. They go from the didalli into the escalator. That's it. We get pink cheeked and start producing milk.

3:25 Randy Jackson You go into the Ford Taurus.

3:26 Adam Yeah. We go in a small car. Makes us, that's what I love, by the way. I love a fat guy in a small car. That is a great look. Yeah. Window, window all the way down. Sweat, sweat, trail of sweat behind the car. Car tilting over to one side. Let me just say this. We'll get into Doc, who worked here. And Mo, Doc still does work here. Okay, let me explain something. Then it's Randy Jackson, American Idol. But the guy who does the news for the Kevin and Bean morning show out here on the Mother Station of K-Rock in Los Angeles, where the show. Loveline originated many years ago. Doc on the Rock, Doc is 255 pounds, if he's an ounce. And he insisted on driving one of like a three-cylinder automobile. He swore by it was a Subaru Justy. This thing was small by Subaru standards, and this is 10 years ago. He actually asked me one day what he could do to beef up the suspension on the left side because the car tilted when he drove.

4:32 Drew Seriously?

4:32 Adam Yeah, it's a three-cylinder, it's a Shriner's car, and he's 265 pounds, you know what I mean? Of course the car is going to tip. But at that point, get a new ride.

4:42 Randy Jackson Get a little bit bigger of a car, come on, come on.

4:45 Adam Yeah, here's the thing. The wheelbase must be wider than you. That's the thing. That's the rule. That's the rule.

4:53 Drew Wider than your ass.

4:55 Adam If you've got to tuck your love handles in before you slam the passenger side door, if you want to start talking about suspension modifications, it's time to move up to a four cylinder.

5:07 Drew To a Festiva.

5:07 Adam Yeah, it's time to slide. It's time to step up to the Festiva, everybody. Randy, I want you here every night just to laugh while I'm talking.

5:16 Randy Jackson Dude, I'm just, you're cracking me up over here, man.

5:19 Adam Thank you. Well, Drew, it's like talking to a wooden Indian, but you, look at you, just laughing and having a good time.

5:26 Randy Jackson Dude, I like that. That's a great story.

5:28 Yeah, I gotta use that, man.

5:30 Randy Jackson Love handles axles. Make it work.

5:34 Adam Yeah, gotta work. Well, Randy, okay, so let's see. Let's have a few things about Randy, which is, and I don't know how many people know how extensive your music background is or that you have Grammys from producing and all, you know, I'm looking at this list, by the way. And I don't know, you tell me, but, you know, touring with NSYNC and Madonna and Celine Dion, Destiny's Child, and Elton John and all. Do people know your credits or do they just think you're that guy from the show?

6:03 Randy Jackson You know, what's really funny about it is like you hope that people know the credits, at least some of them, you know, and you think that by now they do. But dude, you never take anything for granted because people say to me all the time, so what were you doing before the show? I'm working.

6:18 Adam Right. And they always, they always, whether they know it or not, it's always, they take a turn for the insulting.

6:24 Drew Yes.

6:24 Randy Jackson Yeah.

6:25 Adam You know, they say stuff like, did you ever think that anyone would, and it's like, yeah.

6:29 Drew You didn't exist until you got on their radar.

6:32 Adam Right.

6:32 Exactly. On their TV.

6:33 Adam But I know it must be how a lot of these celebrities who ended up, you know, they had these amazing film careers in the 30s and in the 40s and then it was Broadway and now they're, now they're playing, now they're bewitched.

6:45 Drew Mrs. Howell.

6:46 Adam It's Agnes.

6:46 Drew Mrs. Howell.

6:47 Adam Agnes Morgan. Yeah, it's these people. It's like, hey, that's the crabby neighbor. It's like, I got, I got 16 Tonys and three Oscars, you know. It's like, you're the nutty neighbor lady.

6:58 Drew Now you're the cartoon character and that's your life.

7:02 Adam That's how they send you out, dude. That's how you die.

7:04 Randy Jackson You're going to go out on a cartoon.

7:06 Adam A day before you died, you had someone yelling, hey, Mrs. Kravitz at the supermarket, you died the next day.

7:11 Drew I remember reading something about the woman that played Mrs. Howell, that that was, she had this extensive film career and a Broadway career and they were pointing at her at pinks, you know, like, this is how. That's right.

7:21 Adam So you're going to judge. Judge Randy Jackson is going to be your last one. Judge Jackson does kind of work.

7:28 Randy Jackson Maybe I could be a sheriff on a Western.

7:30 Adam Sheriff.

7:31 Randy Jackson Hello, Sheriff.

7:34 Adam I like I miss the deputizing. I miss that part where you could just take drunken townies and say, you're working for me. Here's a gun. You got a gun? Okay, use mine. Now you want to shoot anybody or do anything? Fine. I need your help. I deputized you.

7:50 Drew The other thing we found out, right now we're talking to Stryker in Los Angeles, a show ahead of ours, that Stryker was supposed to be the fourth judge on American Idol. He was hired to be the... Oh, you heard that.

8:00 Adam Really?

8:01 Randy Jackson What happened?

8:02 Drew He didn't want to do it. He decided he didn't want to do it.

8:03 Randy Jackson He thought, man, it's going to blow my cool, man.

8:05 Adam He didn't want to do it?

8:06 Drew He said, it's just not the direction I want to go. He...

8:11 Randy Jackson Which is cool though, because it's not for everyone, because it's actually...

8:15 Adam Oh, no, it's for him. It's for him now. He just... It wasn't for him then. He thought this thing was going to come and go like some sort of a McDonald's special.

8:22 Randy Jackson Some sort of a circus.

8:23 Adam Yeah, limited time offer.

8:25 Drew He's never spoken any envious words of it at all.

8:27 Adam No, he was cool about it. Believe me, the kid's green. I know him well. No, I'm just saying, their things... Here's the thing. They're movies that actors pass on all the time. And they pass on them because they read the script and they didn't really like them. So, if they knew it was going to turn into the Indiana Jones trilogy, Buddy Epson would have green-lighted... No. Whoever passed on it would have... And you hear these stories, oh, Tom Selleck was supposed to originally be Indiana Jones. I'm not saying that they would have said the script was any better. But if someone said, hey, this thing's going to generate three films and $500 million, they probably would have went, yeah, yeah. Yeah, someone knew that if Stryker, and Stryker's a hardcore guy, don't get me wrong, he's not lost any of his street cred. But if someone said, you'll be inking a deal for going into season four, and this thing's a top five show consistently in a worldwide phenomenon, you might think for another beat before you.

9:28 Randy Jackson One more beat at least.

9:29 Adam Yeah, I would too.

9:31 Randy Jackson He's still cool though.

9:32 Adam No, he's got his street cred.

9:33 Drew And you guys are going into auditions.

9:36 Randy Jackson Yeah, man, this week, season four, man, starting in Cleveland, the home of the Rock and Roll Museum.

9:42 Adam Yeah, Hall of Fame is out there.

9:44 Randy Jackson Hall of Fame.

9:45 Adam Could, by the way, could, as LA, here's what we got. We got Alvera Street, which by the way, do we need a Mexican street anymore?

9:55 Caller Really?

9:56 Adam That's funny. Really? I can't get a churro anywhere else in this town and some horchata?

10:02 Caller Not going to happen?

10:03 Adam Really? I can't find a Mexican in this town? I got to go down to Alvera Street? You need a street? I'll tell you what the street is. It's called Los Angeles. That's number one. We don't need Alvera Street anymore. Number two, we got La Brea Tar Pits.

10:16 Caller Hey, everybody.

10:17 Adam It's a hole filled with tar.

10:18 Caller Oh, fantastic. Get in there.

10:20 Adam Look at that. Yeah, there's a Big Mac rapper floating it and a Styrofoam mastodon. Fantastic. All right. No Hall of Fame for you guys. We can't get a Hall of Fame out here.

10:29 Randy Jackson Man, we should have one, dude.

10:31 Drew How about just getting a professional football team out here first? 40 Hall of Fame, actually.

10:35 Adam It's only been 11 years. Come on now.

10:37 Randy Jackson Has it been 11 years?

10:39 Adam But I swear it's been eight.

10:41 Drew It's got to be eight years.

10:44 Adam Well, the Rams haven't been here for...

10:46 Randy Jackson The Rams haven't been here for about 11, but the Raiders...

10:50 Adam The Raiders.

10:51 Randy Jackson But it's probably been about seven, eight years.

10:53 Adam But here's the thing about the Raiders, too. Raiders were Oakland, then they came here, then they left. So it's sort of never really exactly... They needed to be here for 25, 30 years, and then leave. They were here for, I don't know, 12 years.

11:05 Randy Jackson Yeah, they came here while they were mad at Oakland.

11:07 Drew They were visiting, yeah.

11:08 Randy Jackson We're mad at Oakland. We're leaving.

11:09 Adam Yeah, that's you moving in with your old girlfriend, telling your old lady, I need some air. The culture.

11:14 Drew I never thought the culture of the Raiders fit with Los Angeles, you know what I mean?

11:18 Adam No, no, no.

11:19 Randy Jackson Yeah, you're probably right about that.

11:21 Adam I mean, they sort of had the black and silver gangbanger thing part, but it was really about the Maverick culture, which didn't really fit in over here.

11:29 Drew I like the way the rest of the world is.

11:31 Randy Jackson Aloe Vera Street, but yeah.

11:32 Adam Yeah, Aloe Vera Street. Yeah, let's get one of those. No Little Italy. All right, so let's review. No football team, no Hall of Fame, Aloe Vera Street, Tar Pit, no Little Italy. That's Los Angeles, everybody. Come on, we got to do something. Doesn't everybody? Cleveland's got a Little Italy.

11:51 Randy Jackson Cleveland's got a Little Italy and the Hall of Fame.

11:53 Drew Don't they have a little Germany or something? You and I had dinner there one night.

11:55 Adam Every place has a little something. I swear to Christ, you know what we got over here? We got little stuff that no one wants. We got little stuff that's already little.

12:06 Drew Strip mall.

12:06 Adam We got a little Ethiopia over here. Yeah, bring the kids, everybody. You're see flies, you're see a buzzard circling a carcass. Come on down. Bring the whole family. That's right, it's drought dealing days. Come on down. See the skinny kids. Come on, we need a Little Italy, everybody. Got fat guy baskets, baskets of bread. Pink fat, cheeky pink fat white guys. Serving up cannolis. Lactating. You order an espresso. He reaches over, gives you a little shot of frothy breast milk. Yeah. Little Italy, let's go.

12:48 Randy Jackson Oh my goodness.

12:49 Adam I'll tell you what we should do.

12:50 Randy Jackson That's funny, dude.

12:50 Adam I'll tell you what we should do. I've got two choices. I've got my two little Italy choices. One is we throw the Mexicans off Alvera Street because it's like, listen, you guys have been squatting the street long enough. Secondly, all I have to do is walk in, start yelling I-N-S, place clears out, we move the Italians right in. All I got to do is ask to see some paperwork. Come on, who's in charge here? Let me see some paperwork. You're not going to get caught. Now, here's the thing. From Mexico to Italy, small transition, you know what I mean? You kind of got the cobblestone vibe. A lot of the look, architecture, not going to take much tweaking. The red tile roofs and that kind of thing.

13:27 Randy Jackson Kind of similar. You got a similar vibe.

13:28 Adam Yeah, I could easily tweak some of this stuff. Plus, we'll just keep all the guys and switch them over to the Italian cuisine.

13:35 Randy Jackson Just switch the clothing.

13:36 Adam Switch the clothing a little bit. Trade the poncho in for a zoot suit or, oh, no, no, that's still the name.

13:42 Caller Yeah, like a hat.

13:44 Adam We'll work it out. Bootsy shoes.

13:46 Drew Yes, nice leather shoes.

13:47 Adam Or we pave, or we just pave over the tar pits and put Little Italy there.

13:53 Randy Jackson That's what I say, dude, man. We like the Mexicans. Come on, man.

13:56 Adam No, we like them. I'm just saying. But the reign of Alvarez Street, here's the thing. When I was in junior high, Alvarez Street was a nice novelty. Hey, come on down. See the brown skinned people and how they live. But now, the novelty is over. I'm not saying it's a bad way. I'm just saying it's a longer.

14:14 Drew Now you have to come see how the Italians live.

14:15 Adam Yeah, I want to see how the Italians live. That's all I'm saying.

14:18 Randy Jackson Yeah, I think take the tar pits out.

14:19 Adam Oh, take the tar pits. All right, so we're going to need like 70 metric tons. We're talking about the tar, right? Okay, cool. We're just going to need like a hundred dump trucks of kitty litter.

14:31 Drew More than that.

14:32 Adam A hundred? Okay, but the huge ones they use for strip mining, the quarry size dump trucks. And just fill the thing with kitty litter and we'll just pour a four inch slab. We'll stamp some cobblestone into it and we'll start from there, move from there.

14:46 Randy Jackson Just open up a pizzeria.

14:47 Adam Yep. San Gennaro feast.

14:49 Drew Some facade fountain with some fancy.

14:52 Adam Be perfect. It's going to be great. We'll get Tommy Lasorda down there to put in the first shovel full of kitty litter. We'll take some pictures. Pow.

15:02 Randy Jackson Get somebody's pasta sauce. Oh man, I'm ready.

15:04 Adam All right. A little Italy. You'd hang out a little Italy if we had one out here, right? Dude, I would.

15:09 Randy Jackson I'd order a cappuccino. Come on.

15:10 Adam That's right. I'll give you a little breast milk in there. All right.

15:13 Drew Let's take a call.

15:14 Adam All right. All right. Let's go now.

15:16 Drew Let's break it down.

15:16 Adam That's right.

15:17 Randy Jackson Loveline. Loveline.

15:18 Adam Let's talk to Elizabeth, who's 21. Elizabeth?

15:21 Drew Yeah.

15:22 Adam What's happening?

15:24 Well, I've been going out with my boyfriend for like four years now, and the past year, I guess like about a year ago, I found out that he is, I guess, like the term that uses devotee. Like he's attracted to-

15:40 Drew Devotee. He's a devotee.

15:42 Adam Of what?

15:43 Randy Jackson Devotee of what?

15:44 Drew Tony Randall's your boyfriend.

15:47 Adam Yes, a devotee of what?

15:52 Drew Oh, a devotee of stump porn, Adam.

15:55 Randy Jackson Wow.

15:56 Drew Yes, a devotee. You're a devotee of similar stuff.

15:58 Adam Well, I like to think of myself as a connoisseur.

16:01 Randy Jackson A connoisseur, yes.

16:02 Adam Of stump porn, also a bit of a raconteur of stump porn. I can wax poetic about it.

16:07 Drew Yes, indeed you can. Yes.

16:09 Adam All right, go ahead, Elizabeth. Stump porn. Hold on a second.

16:18 Randy Jackson Wait a minute, dude.

16:19 Adam You don't hear de-votay and stump porn combined very often, do you?

16:23 Caller Dude, you are funny.

16:27 Randy Jackson Oh my God.

16:28 Adam That is really-

16:30 Caller I've never heard those two words.

16:33 Adam You know what the de-votay and stump porn combination is? It's like saying, would you like me to make you a mimosa with Cristal and Sunny D?

16:42 Randy Jackson Yeah, exactly.

16:43 Adam It's like, huh?

16:45 Randy Jackson How about, you're going to use the Cristal, use the fresh breath stuff.

16:53 Drew De-votay of Mendelssohn's music.

16:57 Caller De-votay of stump porn.

16:59 Adam All right. Hey, Elizabeth? All right. How do you know this? You check his computer?

17:07 I found pictures of people in wheelchairs and stuff.

17:12 Adam Ladies.

17:13 Drew We would love to sort of pick him apart a little bit to know, because we haven't talked to enough people with this behavior.

17:19 I've gone on the Internet to try to find out more about it, but all the websites are like the sites that people go to.

17:28 Drew I'm dedicating a special to this by the way.

17:30 Adam Wow. Well, let me ask this.

17:32 Drew De-votay is on there.

17:34 Adam What is going on in these pictures? Is it hardcore pornography?

17:41 It's like, no, it's actually, it's just like regular, I mean, disabled people. Like, they're not, I mean, there's some of them. I've seen some of, like, because I've gone to the sites to, because I've seen, like, I've gone on, like, the history.

17:55 Adam I know they're regular disabled people. I want to know what's going on in the pictures.

17:59 Drew Are they nude? Are they having sex?

18:01 No, no, it's not like that. It's just, I mean, I guess like they put their pictures up on the Internet and then, like, I guess, like, devotees or whatever can talk to them and tell them that they saw their picture or whatever, like, get in contact with them. Like, they have, like, organizations, like, groups.

18:18 Randy Jackson Is he writing to them or talking to them online?

18:22 Adam Hold on, it doesn't sound like porn to me.

18:25 It's really not porn, but, like, he, like, he masturbates to it.

18:29 Adam How do you know he masturbates to it?

18:32 Drew Just to take a beat here and just, so to speak, and just think about how different the male and the female is here. Are there any females that would do this on Earth? Ever a human female would do this?

18:40 Randy Jackson No.

18:41 Drew No, no.

18:42 Randy Jackson No.

18:42 Adam Hey, Elizabeth? How do you know he masturbates to it? Hold on a second. Listen, if you're looking to get out of a relationship, this is what you do.

18:58 Randy Jackson You tell your girlfriend.

18:59 Adam You leave a couple pictures out from the, you leave the calendar from the Special Olympics out for the March Money Drive, and you tell the old lady beat off to it a couple times, and she should just leave. Right? I mean, isn't that what you do? By the way, do you have to?

19:14 Randy Jackson That's definitely a relationship killer.

19:16 Adam Here's the thing, dude, like, women know anything a guy looks at on a computer, he beats off to it.

19:21 Drew Like. A smart woman would know that.

19:23 Adam I even just, I was just looking up some wall covering. Tools is like anything that pops up, anything that's on the computer, he must beat off to it. Whatever it is, he beat off to it.

19:36 Drew My wife knows you.

19:37 Adam I was pricing urns, and on the internet. Elizabeth? Why do you think he told you this?

19:46 Well, he, like, when I first found out, he, like, denied it, and he was like, no, no, like, I mean, his mom is a foot doctor, and so he told me that, like, you know, she has, like, her, um, patient pictures, like, on her, like, file, because when I first found out about it, it was, like, in a file, like, on his computer, and so he told me it was, like, his mom's file that she has for her patients, and then, you know, like, I thought kind of skeptical about it, and then, you know, I didn't, nothing came up about it again, and then, um, I guess I'd found, like, more stuff.

20:24 Drew We have a new theme for this show, I got to know more about this.

20:26 Adam I don't, I don't know.

20:28 Drew Listen, this is not a made-up call. You don't have that kind of detail.

20:30 Adam No, no, no. Definitely not made up.

20:32 Randy Jackson You're thinking the thing about the mom is kind of a...

20:34 Drew No, it's not made up. It's not made up. Because you couldn't, our callers could not come up with that kind of detail, nor would the imagination come up with the devotee.

20:40 Adam Plus, she's managed to take a very interesting, provocative topic and make it boring. That's how you know it's not made up. Oh.

20:50 Caller It's true.

20:51 Adam Not everyone's an entertainer.

20:52 Caller Here's what we don't know.

20:53 Drew Come on.

20:53 Adam Not everyone makes the cut, Randy. You know that.

20:56 Drew Here's what we don't know, Elizabeth, is we haven't talked to enough guys with this behavior, and I'm certainly no expert in this behavior to know what it means, what the implication is. Does it mean he's in a certain kind of trauma history, that he can't contain himself in a relationship?

21:09 Adam It means something. It means something.

21:11 Drew It means something, but we don't know really why.

21:13 Adam How long have you been with him?

21:16 Drew How's the relationship been? So except for this, everything's been fine?

21:20 Yeah, like this past, it's been like a year that like, well, it's been like a year since I guess I've known, but really just like, I guess four, four or five months that we've both really been like, you know, he's aware that I know and-

21:35 Drew Are you sexually active with him? Is that a good question?

21:37 Adam Yeah. Elizabeth?

21:39 Drew Are you sexually active with him?

21:40 Yeah.

21:41 Drew Anything we should know about that?

21:44 Like what?

21:45 Drew Anything weird about that? I've got a million questions.

21:48 Adam I know. You've got a million. We all got a million questions, Drew. But then we die.

21:53 Drew I've got more.

21:55 Adam Look, I don't care.

21:56 Drew I've got to talk to her for five minutes. I've got to talk to her.

21:58 Adam Oh, you're not going to talk to her off there. You say that every night. You never end up talking to her.

22:03 Drew I can't talk to her.

22:04 Randy Jackson We should talk to her off there. You should do it.

22:05 Adam You should do it. Let me say this. Let's... Anderson is yelling, you can't do it. You can't do it. That's fine. Let me ask this and let me say this. We talk to people who get involved with sort of deviant behavior and we always say it means something else.

22:19 Randy Jackson Right.

22:20 Adam Probably something coming down the road. On the other hand, if nothing ever manifests itself and it's just this one thing and it becomes a fetish that sort of exists in a vacuum, then so be it. Right?

22:31 Drew Yeah, absolutely. I mean, he's able to maintain a relationship. He doesn't have any psychiatric symptoms. There's no weird behaviors. Nothing else. Nothing else with this guy.

22:38 Adam Now, as long as he can stick to that, that's fine. If he throws you some leg braces and a hockey helmet, says put this on, now it's time to leave. Then it's trouble.

22:48 Drew That's true. You might want to maybe get somebody to talk to him about this, just to take it on a value way to make sure he's okay.

22:53 Adam What do you mean? All right. Angela?

22:57 Yes.

22:58 Adam You're 19? It says here that you're hot, but you can't have a relationship with guys.

23:05 Caller No, I can't, and it sucks. My problem is, I can sleep with them, but I cannot be in a relationship with them.

23:20 Drew A little bit of pot, Angela.

23:21 Adam Wow. You're smoking some weed? You had a couple of wine coolers tonight? By the way, she's calling from Santa Cruz, and the streetlights have been on for three hours, so you know she's hot.

23:29 Drew What's the matter?

23:29 Adam There's nobody... The mayor of Santa Cruz is drunk and high right now. No, you can't move in to Santa Cruz unless you promise to get high and drunk every single night.

23:39 Drew Just the college.

23:40 Adam No, you go there to get high and hang out, is what you do.

23:43 Randy Jackson That boardwalk does it. That's what it is.

23:45 Adam Yeah. Angela? What? You smoke a little weed?

23:50 Caller Do I? I do on occasion.

23:53 Randy Jackson Oh, yeah.

23:55 Drew Five days a week?

23:58 Randy Jackson Five or six.

23:59 Caller Anyways.

24:00 Adam Yeah, five days a week and then the weekend.

24:03 Randy Jackson I don't understand this relationship problem, though. What do you mean? You can go out with them and do it, but then no one wants to fall in love?

24:11 Caller No, it's not that. It's just I get really nervous.

24:14 Drew You don't want to stay in the relationship.

24:17 Caller No, it's not that I don't because I do. That's not the problem. The problem is I can't be comfortable around them unless I've been drinking.

24:24 Drew Right. Therefore, you don't want to stay in the relationship.

24:27 Adam All right.

24:28 Randy Jackson All right.

24:28 Adam You've been drinking tonight?

24:30 No. Not at all.

24:31 Adam Not at all?

24:32 No, not at all.

24:35 Adam Now, what's your drink?

24:38 Caller What's my drink?

24:39 Randy Jackson Yeah. What do you like?

24:40 Caller I like Captain Morgan's. That's my drink.

24:46 Adam Condom. Fifth Captain Morgan.

24:48 Randy Jackson Captain Morgan. Some weed.

24:49 Adam Yeah. You're going to need a little chaser. Maybe just a little tap water. Cheap date. Cheap date. All right, baby doll. All right. You're 19. What are you doing over there in Santa Cruz?

25:04 Caller I'm hanging out.

25:07 Adam Of course. Well, here's the thing. Maybe you taper back the weed and the Captain Morgan and do a little less hanging out. Maybe crack the books, get a job, do a little something like that.

25:19 Caller I work at a nice job, by the way.

25:20 Adam Where's your job?

25:22 Caller I work at Wells Fargo.

25:23 Randy Jackson You should get us some money, man.

25:25 Adam Ryan Shotgun? Are you actually driving the coach?

25:30 Drew Angela, the point being is that you need to make yourself available for a relationship if you want to have one. Being nervous, God knows what is in your past that makes a relationship so threatening to you.

25:40 Adam Yeah.

25:40 Drew But you got to overcome that. If you can't, then that's the time for treatment. But you can have the most intimate kind of contact with somebody. Don't let that just be some sort of drug that you receive. Yeah. But the point is to start having a relationship, a real relationship with people. Hang out with people when you're alert and not intoxicated.

25:59 Adam Yeah.

25:59 Drew The lights are on. You'll be fine.

26:02 Randy Jackson Don't let the Captain Morgan be the crutch. You know what I'm saying?

26:04 Adam Yeah. And let me tell you, I've been really getting into the virtues of the alone TiVo buzz myself lately.

26:11 Drew Really?

26:12 Randy Jackson What do you mean?

26:13 Adam Instead of going out and going to a party and getting loaded like I used to do, I now sit home and get loaded, a little bottle of red wine and just watch TiVo and examine everything like the Zabruder films, like a maniac stopping things for whining. It's nice having the control, feeling like God.

26:29 Randy Jackson Like you have control.

26:30 Adam Yeah.

26:31 Drew You're a divotee.

26:31 Adam Yeah. Randy Jackson here, everybody from American Idol.

26:35 Randy Jackson I'm a divotee.

26:36 Adam We're going to take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back after this. Are we going?

26:47 Drew We're not hearing anything. So if we're on the...

26:59 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Randy Jackson in studio tonight.

27:07 Randy Jackson What up, what up?

27:08 Adam A judge from American Idol, of course, going on its fourth season. And auditions.

27:14 Randy Jackson Nice claps, man, nice claps.

27:16 Adam Starting this Wednesday. And now see, they've raised, you guys raised the age up to 28.

27:22 Randy Jackson Yeah, 28.

27:23 Adam What was it before?

27:24 Randy Jackson It was 16 to 24. Now it's 16 to 28. You know, we're trying to get some more older people in.

27:30 Adam What are you guys looking for other than, you know, it's great when you have charisma and you have someone who's physically attractive as well as has the goods and the pipes to back it up. But are you are you looking for a little diversity, too, like someone who sings a little rock or maybe someone who sings opera or something like that?

27:47 Randy Jackson Yeah, I think looking for diversity and also looking for uniqueness, you know what I'm saying? Because, you know, what happens a lot of times is kids come in and they sound just like somebody else on the radio.

27:55 Adam Right.

27:56 Randy Jackson No, we're not looking for the next switch foot front singer guy. No, we're not looking for the girl from Evanescence.

28:04 Caller No, we're not looking for a hard hearing.

28:05 Drew Do you, the judges, talk about this? Do you plan what you're looking for?

28:09 Randy Jackson No, but I mean, you know, we talk about it during the thing because, I mean, if you're going to copy somebody, I mean, you know, what good is that? Because, you know, the whole thing about being on the radio and having a big, you know, play history in radios, you have identity that you're building. So, when somebody turns on and go, oh my God, that is definitely, you know, Axl Rose. Oh my God, that's definitely, you know, Usher or somebody. You know what I mean? Identity, identity.

28:32 Adam Usher can dance, by the way. You ever see him dance?

28:35 Randy Jackson No, he's a true entertainer.

28:37 Adam Oh my God.

28:37 Randy Jackson He's got the whole thing.

28:38 Adam There's dancin and then there's dancin. He dances, like, he's like, wow, I would get laid if I could dance like that.

28:44 Randy Jackson Yeah, we call it dancin. That's dancin.

28:46 Adam That's dancin. Yeah, I mean, it's like, the guys who dance, but you kinda go, eh, I could do that. But then when he does it, it's like, oh no.

28:57 Drew He's trying.

28:57 Adam No, I could not be doin that.

28:58 Randy Jackson No, he's definitely got the goods, man. He's got all the goods.

29:01 Adam I like once in a while when the guy, here's what I'd do. I would finish everything with a back handspring if I could do it, because that eliminates the I could do that crowd almost immediately.

29:10 Randy Jackson Yeah, but you know what's cool about that? You show all the chicks that you're very athletic, ooh.

29:14 Adam Oh no, women, women, I mean, one day we oughta hook them up to some sort of moisture meter and just watch. Because they watch a guy, here's the whole thing, they watch a guy work on a jet engine, nothing. It's like an ashtray in there. They see a guy doing a little hip shake, all of a sudden it's a front gate's open.

29:34 Randy Jackson Yeah, the motor's moving.

29:36 Adam Yeah, they love that. They love, I mean, if you could really move and you go out to a club and you just take over the dance floor and start shaking your ass, you're in every night.

29:46 Randy Jackson A lot of chicks, a lot of chicks, maybe.

29:48 Adam Absolutely, because they look at that as this is how this guy Fs. This is, this is, and then something even deeper than that.

29:57 Randy Jackson Ooh, ooh, speak for yourself.

29:59 Adam No, I mean, you know what I'm saying. It hits them on a visceral level. Whereas as a guy, we want a hot chick. Period.

30:08 Randy Jackson Right.

30:08 Adam Doesn't matter. Like, look, put it this way. If one chick didn't look so hot but moved, man could move on that dance floor, would not take her over the hot chick that moved like the Tin Man. Even if she was a half a notch hotter.

30:26 Caller Oh no, man. Half a notch, half a notch.

30:29 Adam But maybe not half a notch, but two notch. The different, the five that couldn't dance in the six and a half, the five that could dance in the six and a half that couldn't, we'd take the six and a half every day. All right, thank you. That's guys, that's guys, everybody.

30:45 Drew Yeah, take notes.

30:47 Randy Jackson Take notes, guys.

30:48 Adam Is that, what you call that?

30:49 Drew Cherie?

30:50 Adam Cherie? Cherie.

30:52 Drew Cherie.

30:53 Adam How do you, oh wait a minute, is that how you spell Cherie?

30:55 Drew How do you spell Cherie? It's S-H-E-R-R-Y-E.

30:58 Adam How do you spell your name?

31:00 S-H-E-R-I. How did you spell it on the?

31:04 Drew S-H-E-R-I-E. S-H-E-R-I-E.

31:07 Adam Cherie.

31:07 My mom's Cherie, that's how you spell her name.

31:09 Adam All right, baby doll. Let's get to the problem. 25. You use meth every day. Every day. Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy. What's your question?

31:20 Drew Cherie, did you see that USA Today article? I think it was a front page article about all the brain damage from regular meth.

31:26 Adam Oh, really?

31:27 Randy Jackson It was front page.

31:28 Drew We've known that for quite some time, that meth is one of the drugs that really just destroys brain tissue.

31:34 Adam Really?

31:34 Drew Yeah.

31:35 Adam I never, I mean, it's talked about as a horrible drug, but.

31:40 Drew I've mentioned it a billion times. Thank you for listening, Adam.

31:42 Adam I tune out.

31:43 Drew Yeah, I know. But the region in which the damage is done is sort of in the limbic area, so people get two very characteristic symptoms. One is they're always depressed and anxious, and the other is they have memory problems. Short-term memory problems.

31:56 Adam All right. Also, hold on a second. I know you're doing PET scans and looking at the brain, but the average IQ of the person that gets going with the meth has to be 20 points lower than.

32:11 Drew You know where in my.

32:12 Adam Us geniuses with the coke and the heroin.

32:15 Drew Do you know, and again, you'll always tell me not to ask these kinds of questions, but I don't compel to.

32:19 Adam Go ahead.

32:20 Drew Is in the town where I work, you know where they have one of the biggest amphetamine problems.

32:25 Adam In where?

32:26 Drew Caltech.

32:27 Adam Caltech, well, okay.

32:29 Randy Jackson Really, are you serious? Just people who work in late hours.

32:32 Drew They're using it initially functionally, they think they understand the risk because they're big scientists, and they get going with it.

32:38 Adam Those are Asians who would kill themselves if they got a B.

32:40 Drew The point is, though, they'd have to fall on a sword. These are very bright people.

32:43 Adam All right, but that's different. I'm talking about the sun blasted white trash trailer park, hooking it up in the kids, you know, stashing it in the kids' diaper. That's what I'm thinking. When I'm thinking meth, I'm thinking albino white trash.

32:59 Drew You and I, we live in Southern California, so we think desert meth.

33:03 Adam Desert meth. Desert meth. Nothing worse than that.

33:08 Drew It's a sun-bleached, drawn, sun-damaged, you know, skin.

33:13 Adam Everything looks sun-blasted and sort of waiting to die. It's a chain-smoking, leathery-looking, it's never dark, curly hair.

33:25 Drew It's strangely never a male that comes to mind either.

33:27 Adam No, it's always that chick. Sherry? Sorry, baby doll. All right, so it's bad for you.

33:36 Drew What's your question? What's your question?

33:38 Well, I haven't noticed, like, people that know me haven't noticed the change.

33:46 Drew It comes with time. It will eventually, and I'm saying this with, essentially without exception, there will be brain damage and there's a slowly progressive paranoia that's separate from the brain damage that occurs because of the chemical results of the drug where you will become increasingly preoccupied with your neighbors, coworkers, friends, and family. And people develop very elaborate delusions about them.

34:12 One more question. Since I've been using, I've noticed in a good, a positive result in my life, believe it or not.

34:22 Drew No, I do, listen.

34:23 Adam Well, yeah, you lose.

34:26 Is it an intrascriptive drug that would give me the same thing without the laundry?

34:30 Drew Not quite the same way.

34:32 Adam But at the beginning, you lose a couple pounds and you can work a little harder. Sure, here's the deal.

34:36 Drew People become addicted to drugs, that worked for them. No one's happier than my opiate addicts when they find their way to opiate. And it usually takes a few years for the house of cards to fall. But these things work like a mother.

34:49 Randy Jackson Now Sherry, how long you been using?

34:52 I experimented when I was younger, but you know, off and on, here and there, partying and stuff, but this has been kind of serious for about a year.

35:01 Adam Hold on, do I hear any kids in the background?

35:04 No, no kids.

35:05 Adam Good, good, don't have any kids.

35:08 Caller Actually, I've been listening to you guys for a long time and you've helped me a lot in my relationship.

35:14 Adam Another success story, everybody. Strung out on speed. Loveline, I was sending you out a windbreaker. We're gonna give you a plaque.

35:22 Drew But Sherry, go see a psychiatrist. Maybe there are things that can be used. Again, you know, speculating what your diagnosis is, you know, works, you're feeling better with speed. But addiction has been activated here. And the thing about addiction is there will be ongoing use in the face of adverse consequence once those begin accumulating.

35:41 Adam All right, let me say this.

35:42 Drew It's rough.

35:43 Adam Speed, bad drug. And listen, you're talking to a guy who doesn't say they're all bad, but speed the worst. You brought up the article in the USA Today, the part of the USA Today that I'm mesmerized by is the snapshots down on the corner. It's like, I swear to Christ, a month ago, it was a number of fireworks related injuries. Wow. July. 70% as opposed to December where it's like, and I'm looking at these things and I'm like, no ass Sherlock, first off. Secondly, you don't got anything for today. Put a picture of a missing kid. Exactly. This is my whole thing. Like I read, I've been reading, you know, the Peanuts cartoon for the last 20 years, waiting to crack a smile, realizing what a hack Schultz was and just look, it's like box, box, box, box, nothing. And my whole thing is, is you got nothing today. Put a picture of a missing kid.

36:41 Drew How about that, Drew? I am so sick of news talking down to the public and thinking the public is stupid and not worthy of an in-depth discussion. How about giving little bits of education? Actually teaching people things, if you think they'll learn.

36:55 Randy Jackson Yeah, exactly, teach them something. Why couldn't you do that?

36:57 Drew I am so sick of being in newsrooms where people are just gonna talk. They don't talk to the public. They can't understand you. You're creating the news for these people, for God's sakes.

37:07 Adam Yeah, well, but Drew, I'm sure a lot of people were surprised to hear that around the 4th of July there was more injury from fireworks.

37:15 Randy Jackson From fireworks, oh my God.

37:16 Drew Careful, they couldn't come to that conclusion on their own and you gotta deliver to them very carefully because they're so fragile and so stupid they can't understand anything else.

37:24 Adam No, because we've all had cousins and aunts and sisters and fathers and mothers have all lost fingers in the month of December.

37:33 Caller Exactly, exactly. Christmas time, of course.

37:35 Adam Christmas time, you think M80s or do you think Christmas time? You think Pickle-O-Peds and Pounds?

37:40 Randy Jackson Well, there's a shotgun on New Year's Eve, there's a shotgun.

37:47 Adam I just, it's just one of those things where it's like, look, and about every third little snapshot box I read over on USA Today, I realize, I just look at it, I start reading, I get about halfway into it, I get to the bottom and I'm like, you guys had nothing.

38:00 Randy Jackson You got nothing. They put nothing there.

38:01 Adam Same with the cartoons. It's like, what's going on with mama's family? Nothing. You know, you didn't have anything today. And here's the thing, you got nothing. You don't have a joke, you don't have an interesting statistic. Fine, you got nothing, put a missing kid in there.

38:15 Randy Jackson Yeah.

38:15 Adam Who's gonna complain?

38:16 Randy Jackson Exactly.

38:16 Adam What do I do, write a letter? Or where's my ridiculous pie chart when instead there's a kid that was abducted? You know what I mean?

38:24 Randy Jackson Yeah, that'd be good.

38:24 Adam Put the missing kid in there. And then that's what everything, we should just adopt this in general, which is if you got nothing, picture of a missing kid right now. Like right now, on this radio show, it should be a picture of a missing kid. They close your eyes and picture someone missing, because we got nothing. We got nothing. I'm gonna go for 20 minutes about the same thing.

38:43 Drew But we got auditions from American Idol.

38:44 Adam That's right.

38:46 Randy Jackson You're both you guys gonna audition.

38:47 Caller I love it.

38:47 Adam Yeah.

38:49 Caller Yeah, come on, baby.

38:50 Randy Jackson Come on, baby, come on.

38:52 Adam Oh, Drew can sing.

38:53 Caller I sing.

38:54 Adam Drew sings opera, everybody. Oh, I, Anderson, is that, uh, uh-oh. This is Drew actually singing opera.

39:03 Caller Really?

39:03 Adam On Ben Stein's show. Yes, it is.

39:15 Drew What's so funny about that?

39:16 Adam I'm picturing a missing kid being in place of this segment. Now, what is that? Japanese? I think it's Italian.

39:29 Randy Jackson Italian, I like that.

39:31 Drew I'll sing this. I will do it.

39:34 Randy Jackson Is this really you?

39:36 Adam For real, for real?

39:44 Drew What's so funny about that?

39:45 I love him, I'm impressed.

39:47 Randy Jackson You and Pavarotti, man, come on.

39:49 Adam You're a spindly white guy and you're belting it out. And a doctor, everybody.

39:54 Randy Jackson And a doctor.

39:55 Adam All right, and a man of passion.

39:57 Drew I like, oh, that's really good. I was singing that and Ben Stein was so, Ben Stein, our relationship turned at that moment.

40:04 Adam Really, because yeah, you guys used to go at each other a little bit.

40:07 Drew Yeah, no, now he thought that we were.

40:08 Randy Jackson Wow, that's impressive, man. All right, all right, doctor. All right, the doctor's in the house. The doctor's in the house for real now.

40:15 Adam All right, let's take ourselves a little break. Randy Jackson, you here tonight? Yep. And we'll be right back after this. 1-800-LOVE-191 Hey everybody, it's Loveline. Randy Jackson is here tonight from American Idol. Starting the new auditions in like two days, right?

40:51 Randy Jackson Yeah, I mean, Cleveland, man, Cleveland, home of the rock and roll hall of fame.

40:56 Adam That's right, LA, home of the street with the Mexicans, and the pit.

41:01 Drew How long are you gonna be in Cleveland for?

41:04 Randy Jackson Only a couple days.

41:05 Drew And then where?

41:05 Randy Jackson Then we go to St. Louis.

41:07 Adam Washington, DC., Orlando, Florida, New Orleans, Las Vegas, Anchorage, Alaska.

41:12 Drew These are largely affiliates of ours, too.

41:15 Adam San Francisco, by the way, the transition from Las Vegas to Anchorage, everybody.

41:21 Caller Enjoy that ride, Andy.

41:22 Adam Yeah, that's a time machine.

41:25 Randy Jackson You got like... It is.

41:26 Adam You're going, you are essentially, if you're going from the, if you're going from Las Vegas Strip to Anchorage, that plane is going back in time, and not 20, 30 years, thousands of years.

41:38 Randy Jackson Yeah, man.

41:39 Drew I went from Panama City, Florida to Anchorage in one day. I had to go through a wormhole to get there.

41:45 Adam Yeah, that's right. A porthole in time, everybody. You can see a pterodactyl flying past you as the plane is coming in to land.

41:52 Drew Those are the fantasies you had.

41:53 Adam Fred Flintstone's gonna drive you from the airport.

41:57 Randy Jackson I like the Flintstones, dude. I like the Flintstones, come on.

41:59 Adam Yeah, no, I'm saying, it's good, I'm just saying.

42:02 Randy Jackson Barney Rubble.

42:03 Adam You going from Florida back to Anchorage, just going back in time 700 years. He's going from the Vegas Strip. That's gonna be five, six thousand.

42:12 Randy Jackson From the Vegas Strip to the lights and the cheap seats and all the people.

42:16 Adam Yeah, I think you're gonna like Anchorage better.

42:19 Drew The thing about Anchorage you're gonna like is everybody's got a story.

42:21 Randy Jackson Everybody.

42:22 Drew I'll bet you. What are you doing here?

42:25 Adam Oh, oh yeah.

42:25 Drew Everybody, even the kids.

42:26 Randy Jackson How'd you get to Anchorage?

42:28 Drew Even the kids of the people that have a story have a story.

42:30 Adam Yeah, well it's also, a lot of it is what are you doing here? Why, are you from the federal government?

42:35 Randy Jackson I just want to meet a kid up there that says to me, well many, many, many years ago when I was, huh, you're only 10.

42:42 Drew Wormhole.

42:43 Adam All right, let's take a call, because Randy's only staying for the first hour. We've got to get one more call in before we send him packing. Christina? You're 20?

42:55 Caller Yes.

42:55 Adam What's happening, baby doll?

42:57 Caller Okay, I've been celibate now, well, not anymore, but I've been celibate for about a year and a half until about four weeks ago. And I normally have regular periods, but I skipped a period, and I took a pregnancy test, came up negative. My boyfriend says that he heard that if you go without sex for a while, and you suddenly become sexually active, your hormones can change, and that you may skip a month. Is that true?

43:28 Drew No, your boyfriend, I know what has motivated, what's motivating him to say something like that, but no, that's not true.

43:33 Adam What's he do, by the way? It's always funny when you find out he drives a forklift over the building center.

43:41 Caller No, he's actually an intelligence analyst in the Army.

43:43 Drew Intelligence analyst. So he's up to something.

43:48 Randy Jackson He's an operative.

43:49 Caller He's a smart guy, but I think he thinks he's too smart.

43:53 Adam What's, has he got any inside dope for us?

43:57 Caller Um, no, he won't even tell me, you know. He's like, he's got top secret clearance, but he can't talk about anything, even to me, so. Yeah, what do you think could be causing that?

44:08 Drew You know, you need to take-

44:09 Caller They're like clockwork.

44:10 Drew Well, your first, second, and third possibilities are pregnancy. Because you had unprotected sex. You had unprotected sex, right?

44:18 Caller Yes.

44:20 Drew And sometimes people just miss their period because they're not cycling the hypothalamus, almost the pituitary are cycling normally, just for whatever reason, that can just happen. You can get ovarian cysts and endometriosis and sort of other things that are not uncommon at all. But the most common thing for what you describe is still pregnancy.

44:36 Adam Why?

44:37 Drew You've taken another pregnancy vial.

44:40 Caller Well, I was in a bad relationship and I had a baby.

44:44 Adam So you cut him off.

44:46 Caller I've been seeing this guy on and off for three years, but in between that time, I had a romance that it bloomed fast and it died quickly too. But I had a baby and he was very sexually abusive.

44:58 Drew What does sexually abusive mean? I kind of freak out. What does sexually abusive mean?

45:04 Caller Well, when I got pregnant, we got engaged, but when I got pregnant, I guess he decided that he owned me and when I wasn't in the mood, he'd make me do it anyway. And he was a very large guy and it hurt a lot. I'd cry and he'd call me a name and stomp out and he'd be mad at me for days and finally left that jerk.

45:26 Adam So, you took a, well, thank God his blood is running through your child's veins, by the way. That's a fantastic choice you made there, by the way.

45:34 Drew Well, now, wait a minute, the environment created that jerk.

45:37 Adam Okay, whatever. Listen, Christina, all right, you're 20, you got one kid from one guy.

45:44 Drew How about a little protection every time you have sex?

45:46 Adam Yeah, how about a little protection? What do you say, baby?

45:49 Caller I was getting ready to start birth control. That's why I'm waiting for my period.

45:51 Drew Yeah, how about a condom in the meantime?

45:52 Randy Jackson Yeah, how about a condom? Yeah, well, well, well, well, come on.

45:58 Adam Okay, hold on a second. Would you listen to me, you retards out there. Stop, she's 20 years old. She's already got one kid with the Mr. Sexually Abusive running through the veins.

46:07 Drew Mr. Rapo, yeah.

46:08 Adam Yeah, hey, daddy, I mean, Rapo, fantastic. You already got the one kid. Now, maybe I'm pregnant again while I was gonna start. Come on, everybody.

46:16 Drew I guess I could use a condom.

46:17 Adam And by the way, as a society, we're not putting any emphasis on this. Like, hey, young, stupid, effed up people stop farting out the kids. Can we do that?

46:28 Randy Jackson Yeah, please, please.

46:29 Adam We're keeping the gangs infested. We're keeping the prisons filled. We got the welfare lines. These are all these kids. This is all the product of these kids. It's not Drew's kids.

46:40 Drew Not Randy's kids.

46:41 Adam It's not Randy's kids. It may be my kids. My kids are gonna buddy up with Drew's and Randy's kids and leech off of them. All right, just stop it, everybody. This is all the problems in the world.

46:54 Randy Jackson How about we pipe up? God, is it that hard? Use a condom.

46:57 Adam Thank you. All right, Randy Jackson, everybody, American Idol. We'll talk to you soon, Randy. Thanks for coming in.

47:04 Randy Jackson Dude, it's always a pleasure. We love it here, man.

47:06 Adam Thanks.

47:06 Randy Jackson Thanks, guys.

47:07 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Phone number 1-800-L-V-E-1-9-1, that's Dr. Drew. Randy Jackson has left the building. Look at that Randy, what a good guy.

47:45 Drew That was not Randy Jackson.

47:47 Adam Yeah, who was it?

47:47 Drew He did not say dog once.

47:49 Adam He didn't, that's right.

47:50 Drew I was listening carefully.

47:52 Adam This guy was 100 pounds lighter and never said dog.

47:54 Drew The small guy, never said dog, can't be him.

47:57 Adam Man, who was it?

47:57 Drew I don't know, some guy pretending to be Randy Jackson. Not once, not even off the mic.

48:04 Adam I know, I know. I swore that Over Under was gonna be like nine seconds, Drew had it at three minutes. Now to be fair, I only, I spoke for the first 22 minutes of the show without breathing.

48:15 Drew Yeah, yeah, I got that.

48:16 Adam That was one exhale. That's true. I was like, people don't realize, but before the show starts, I hate my family, high school football, Red Lefter.

48:31 Drew No, but before each break, they realize, how dare you?

48:37 Adam Where are we going now?

48:39 Drew Let's party.

48:41 Adam Let's go. Let's party, Drew.

48:42 Drew Nine, six, dude.

48:43 Adam What about this guy? 81 minutes. Let's stop putting people on hold for 150 minutes. Jade? 16? You take 10 or more Robitussin pills to get high?

49:03 Drew Yeah, that actually is a dangerous thing to do. It's called robo-tripping. It's sort of like a mix between PCP and methadone in terms of how it affects your brain. And if you look on the websites, even the ones that try to be sort of encouraging about these sorts of experimentations, they do admit that this is a potentially problematic activity.

49:24 Adam Well, what's it do? What kind of, does it give you hallucinogenic kind of, euphoric kind of high?

49:30 Drew It's like a dissociative high. It's like you're sort of out of it and you're looking at things and floating out of your body.

49:35 Adam Gotta get some of that.

49:37 Drew Jade?

49:38 Adam Here's the whole thing. You're 16. Your brain, I was really thinking about it today, really giving it some thought, ironically, using my brain to think about my brain. That's brain on brain activity. Thinking about brain that was missing? And I thought, you know, it's really important. Here's what I thought to myself. I thought to myself, sitting around, I'm thinking if my brain got screwed with right now, I wouldn't be able to make a living. Like, if I got my part screwed with just a little bit, wasn't able to focus, lost my sense of humor, whatever it was, just got dialed down, just a couple of notches, just to most of the guys who work in my house all day, kind of thing.

50:19 Drew That's not a couple notches.

50:20 Adam Okay, that's a freefall. But the point is, the point is, that'd be it. And I know it sounds stupid. I mean, it's that way with just about everybody and whatever they do, but I just mean if-

50:34 Drew You're using your brain for everything. Everything, forget the fact that you need it to be able to experience life and it's how you're experiencing yourself. You need it to-

50:42 Adam It's how you're gonna make money. Yeah. It's the only way you're gonna make money. Jade. So, as far as the folks that are just sort of doing that, hey, I'm 16 and I'm whacking myself in the head with a frying pan to see if I can change my affect a little bit, it's always scary to me, especially when you're 16 because your brain, it ain't dry yet. So, can you stop it, please? See what you can do.

51:13 Caller Yeah, what about like long-term effects though?

51:17 Adam They'll make you fat, they'll make your boobs droopy.

51:20 Drew Yeah, I did mention a few minutes ago that it is a problem, there can't be damage.

51:24 Adam It is, it's a problem. So, that's enough.

51:27 Drew Both Adam and I went on quite a length of a diatribe about that just now.

51:30 Adam It's bad.

51:30 Drew Which suggests that maybe there's a problem already.

51:33 Adam If you just ask again if there's a problem. All right, speaking of brain use, now is this, is this Stefan? Hello?

51:47 Drew What's going on?

51:49 I'm here.

51:49 Adam What's your question?

51:51 Yeah, I was wondering, I'm gonna be moving to LA soon, and I was wondering, like, where's a good place to move? Cause you were talking about how, like, the good places are the bad, like the good sounding places are bad places and stuff like that.

52:03 Adam Yeah, this is a good point. I have said for, you know, I would like to print, hey, engineer Chris, print up a list of Los Angeles cities, cities in greater Los Angeles. Because as we've said many times, Hawaiian Garden sounds great. It's a, it's an armpit. Panorama City sounds fantastic. It's an a-hole or at least a cesspool. Sun Valley sounds fantastic. I mean, you're picturing a ski resort. Picture a huge Alvera Street. All I'm saying is, if Alvera Street had a gang, that would be Sun Valley. I used to play for the Sun Valley Falcons of Pop Warner Dump.

52:51 Drew What was that he played for?

52:51 Adam Oh, I played for East Valley Trojans and Sun Valley Falcons. It's horrible out there. Here's the point. You don't know this when you're moving from Detroit. This is why I say we assign numbers. And I've said this many times. Sun Valley, instead of being Sun Valley, you're 1382. Instead of being Hawaiian Gardens, you're 1214. Now you got some motivation. Because now Stephen ain't gonna want to move to 1214. He wants some good cities. You're moving to Los Angeles area?

53:22 Caller Yeah.

53:23 Adam How much do you have for rent?

53:25 Randy Jackson Rent?

53:26 Caller How much? Like, seven, 700.

53:30 Adam 700.

53:31 Drew You're gonna be hating life.

53:32 Adam 700, so you can get yourself like a one bedroom or maybe just a bachelor.

53:38 Drew Studio.

53:39 Adam In a studio in a good neighborhood. Or like a semi-spacious one bedroom in a crappy neighborhood.

53:47 Caller Yeah, that's what I need.

53:48 Adam Right, now where do you get the 700 bucks a month?

53:52 Caller Like I have a job at a Little Caesar's that's gonna transfer me there. And I'm gonna get a bartender job too because I'm going to a bartender school.

54:01 Adam How do you, and by the way, do bartending schools have placement strategies? They do, they'll place you with a bar.

54:10 Caller Yeah, they say they can.

54:11 Drew But listen, the most important thing is how are you gonna get transportation? That determines everything.

54:18 Adam You have a car. And why are you moving to Los Angeles?

54:21 Caller Because I'm gonna be a writer.

54:23 Adam Okay, stay where you are. We'll come to you. That's my new thing. I'm tired of every Yahoo in the country moving to Los Angeles. What are you gonna write? What kind of stuff? Sitcoms. And movies. You can write a movie from your house. You don't have to move.

54:41 Caller But I need an agent out there.

54:43 Adam Yeah, I got an agent. He lives, he's in New York. He's further away than you are. You could have a guy in Los Angeles represent you from Detroit.

54:55 Drew Spell out why you're telling him what you're telling him.

54:59 Adam You can't have meetings. Let me tell you what your meetings are. Let me tell you the kind of meetings you're gonna be taking in Los Angeles. It's gonna be with the manager of the Little Caesars. Topic, breadsticks. Cheesy breadsticks. Yeah, here's the kind of meetings. Listen to me, I told you that you had to wear the Caesars hat and smock and represent Caesars when you were working the fake pizza oven in the back there. Now, go out and make, use that bartending license to top off that tab. That's what you're gonna be doing. Believe me, there's gonna be no writing going on. You got any ideas for a sitcom?

55:40 Caller Oh yeah.

55:41 Adam What are they?

55:42 Caller I wrote a script for Reno 9-1-1.

55:44 Adam Oh, you did?

55:46 Caller Yeah.

55:46 Adam And now what happened? Where is it?

55:48 Caller It's sitting on my desk, I gotta get it to an agent.

55:52 Adam That's what the mail's for?

55:54 Caller Yeah, I know.

55:55 Adam Okay, you just said it. Okay, here's what I'm trying to think of a place that's far away. Well, where is the Little Caesars gonna, where's the Little Caesars that you're moving to?

56:05 Caller They said they got a couple in LA. One of them in LA, I don't know which one, and I don't really care.

56:11 Adam Okay, well, again, Hawaiian Gardens, that's the place you wanna move to.

56:16 Drew Hawaiian Gardens, could be in Long Beach or something.

56:19 Adam Oh yeah, you're right. All right, just move somewhere in Orange County. That's good, I won't have to deal with it.

56:26 Drew Why are you being so negative, poor guy?

56:28 Adam All right, I'm just tired of people coming to Los Angeles.

56:32 Drew Yeah, it's not a healthy move, usually.

56:36 Adam No, it isn't.

56:37 Drew You should be invited out here kind of thing. Or you should be living here to do a job.

56:43 Adam Here's what Los Angeles should be like. It should be like the school in fame. We'll audition you. We'll see how we like you before we admit you. That's it, let's see your work. Let's go ahead, send a copy of the script.

56:57 Drew You come here because you need to productively contribute to our economy. You're gonna work. And then if on your off time, you wanna work on these other things, so fine, that's fine, that's your hobby.

57:08 Adam I'm saying, you're coming here to be a writer, to be an actor, to be a musician. We're gonna need to evaluate your skill level and your talent level before we let you in.

57:18 Drew All right, fair enough.

57:19 Adam Other than that, we just got another guy at the Little Caesars giving you the stink eye and trying to slide his script under the door.

57:25 Drew I just worry what's gonna happen to that guy like that.

57:29 Adam Nah, he's gonna get his bartending license. He's gonna lay it on his feet. Hey, but you can do work. Let me tell you something about bartending, Drew.

57:35 Drew I know, you and I both wish we'd been in the service industry.

57:38 Adam Oh, man, chicks paying you to get them drunk and tipping you. And this guy, and that's it? That's Stefan?

57:46 Drew I don't know. Okay, whatever.

57:47 Adam He sounds like a ladies' man. All right, Jessica?

57:51 Yeah?

57:52 Adam You're 19?

57:53 Caller I'm 19.

57:54 Adam What's up?

57:56 Caller I was at a party over the weekend and-

58:00 Adam By the way, hold on a second, calling from Brentwood. Now, if you have your choice and you're living in Detroit and someone says you want to move to Sun Valley or Brentwood, you go in Sun Valley.

58:13 Caller I'm in Brentwood, Northern California, not Brentwood, Southern.

58:15 Adam Oh, okay. Well, either way, you're going, you pick 99% of people going with the Sun Valley just sight unseen, just based on the name, not realizing that Brentwood is a thousand times nicer.

58:27 Caller Yeah, totally nicer.

58:28 Adam Go ahead. And how's Brentwood in Northern California, where you are?

58:33 Caller It's really nice. It's just a nice place to live. That's fantastic.

58:37 Adam All right, what's up?

58:39 Caller Well, my question is, here it goes.

58:42 Adam Hold on a second. Hold on, her phone's getting bad. Why would we write Brentwood?

58:48 Drew For, you know, why would we, maybe whoever the screen didn't discriminate.

58:53 Adam Oh, she just said Brentwood. Interesting. All right, Jessica, go ahead.

58:57 Caller Am I back on?

58:58 Adam Yes, you are. That's why I said, go ahead.

59:01 Caller I was at a party over the weekend and my friend Amy and I went and she was really into this guy that was there. She knows him kind of well. I know him not as well as she does. And she was getting sick and so I ended up sleeping with the guy because she was passed out twice. I slept with him twice.

59:23 Adam Same night, the same night. You slept with him.

59:26 Caller No, the same night.

59:28 Adam By the way, that's just sleeping with him.

59:30 Drew That's having sex.

59:32 Caller It was like two separate occasions, like an hour between each time.

59:35 Adam We're still gonna call that once.

59:37 Caller Okay, yeah, that's fine, whatever. But he woke up with everything and then she ended up sleeping with him the same night. And I was just wondering, since she really liked him, should I tell her that I slept with him or should I not?

59:51 Drew What a good friend Jessica is.

59:52 Adam Yeah, you love your friend Amy, such a sweetheart.

59:56 Drew I've gotta make sure that she knows everything about this guy.

59:58 Caller So considerate. No, that's why I wanna know. I really don't wanna hurt her feelings and I really don't have feelings for this guy, but you know, what happened happened. I just don't know if I should tell her or if I should just let it go.

1:00:08 Drew Why didn't you sort of divert her?

1:00:09 Adam What's wrong with you, by the way? Something's up.

1:00:14 Drew Why did you kind of divert her off the track that night?

1:00:17 Caller I didn't actually divert her. She was just downstairs, passed out.

1:00:20 Drew No, but why didn't you sort of give her a heads up?

1:00:23 Caller Because I had went upstairs and gone to sleep. I didn't know that she, I didn't know that night. I didn't find out until the next day.

1:00:29 Drew This guy must be a piece of work, right? Imagine who this guy is.

1:00:32 Adam Wow, I like to give him a BJ. All right, Jessica, something's wrong. Where's your dad?

1:00:39 Caller My dad lives in the next town over.

1:00:41 Drew How old were you when he left?

1:00:45 Caller No, I actually grew up not around here. He lives out here, I did not grow up with him.

1:00:51 Drew Why'd he leave?

1:00:53 Caller He left because my mom and him got a divorce. They didn't get along.

1:00:56 Drew How old were you? Yeah, we'll get them right there. I was a baby.

1:00:59 Caller I was a baby when they separated.

1:01:00 Drew Were they step dads?

1:01:02 Caller No, no step dad. I grew up with my grandparents living next door, so my grandfather pretty much raised me as my dad.

1:01:12 Adam So you essentially never saw your dad growing up?

1:01:16 Caller No, like maybe once a summer, every summer I would come out.

1:01:20 Drew Ouch.

1:01:21 Adam So other than that, you don't have any boyfriends or anything like that?

1:01:27 Caller No, never had a boyfriend in my life.

1:01:29 Adam I think you got some intimacy issues.

1:01:31 Drew I should say.

1:01:33 Adam What's up?

1:01:36 Caller I don't know. I've always wanted a boyfriend, just never got one.

1:01:39 Drew Well, but people that really want one, guess what? They get one.

1:01:42 Adam Doesn't matter what you look like or where you come from.

1:01:45 Caller No, yeah. No, that's the thing. Guys in high school didn't like me. They didn't want to date me.

1:01:50 Adam Well this guy banged you twice in like 20 minutes. You got to have something going on.

1:01:56 Caller I guess. I don't know. Guys out here are different from where I grew up.

1:02:00 Drew Well, the one variable in all this is you. And if it's something you want to get going in your life, get a relationship.

1:02:06 Adam Don't tell your friend.

1:02:08 Caller Don't tell her?

1:02:09 Adam No. Although, I guarantee you're going to weave it in and tell her, I'm giving you 48 hours before you tell her. Even though we're both telling you not to tell her, you're still going to tell her.

1:02:23 Caller That's why I called because I wanted to know whether I should. We honestly think you shouldn't.

1:02:29 Adam But I bet you're about four wine coolers away. What day is it, Drew? This weekend. You two are going to get drunk and it's coming.

1:02:38 Drew Really?

1:02:39 Adam Yes.

1:02:39 Drew Yeah, you understand why?

1:02:41 Adam Just be prepared and if it does, please call us back and tell us.

1:02:45 Caller Should I really call you guys back and let you know how it goes?

1:02:47 Drew Absolutely.

1:02:48 Adam If you get drunk and tell her.

1:02:51 Caller What if next weekend I get drunk and don't tell her? Can I call you guys back?

1:02:55 Drew Sure, call us back.

1:02:55 Adam Call us back and tell us about a success story.

1:02:57 Drew That's how you felt not telling her.

1:02:59 Adam That's right. We would love to hear that story.

1:03:02 Drew Absolutely.

1:03:02 Adam All right, where are we, Drew?

1:03:03 Drew Frankie.

1:03:03 Adam I'm going to talk to Frankie. Frankie's a chick. Frankie?

1:03:07 Caller Hey.

1:03:07 Adam You're 18?

1:03:09 Caller Yes, I am.

1:03:10 Adam What's up, baby doll?

1:03:13 Caller I'm on the pill and a couple of days ago I missed the pill but I took it as soon as I remembered and then the next day I missed it again and I took it as soon as I remembered and after that I took it at the regular time and then I had sex without any sort of backup and I was wondering if I was at a particularly high risk to be pregnant.

1:03:33 Drew Well, let me go over that again. You missed it on a day and then took it how many hours late?

1:03:39 I think maybe seven.

1:03:41 Drew Seven hours late and then the next day missed it again?

1:03:43 Caller Yeah, by 12.

1:03:44 Drew 12 hours and the next day took it on time. I mean, it's obviously not going to work absolutely optimally, but in all probability, it's not going to have a big difference. I think you're going to be all right.

1:03:57 Adam Yeah.

1:03:59 Drew You may want to switch over to one of the intravaginal rings or patches or something. You don't have to remember to take a pill so much.

1:04:07 Caller It's probably a good idea. Yeah.

1:04:09 Adam All right, baby doll. I got a lot of stuff going on now, you know? Dr. Ben was in here.

1:04:14 Drew Talking about the Nuva ring and all that stuff?

1:04:16 Adam Yeah. Put that ring up, yeah. Got the patches he's into.

1:04:23 Drew He's probably talking about IUDs more than I do, I bet you.

1:04:28 Adam I don't remember getting into the IUD with him that much. He was more about the Nuva ring and the patch. I guess the shots dry up a little bit, so people are such huge fans of that.

1:04:39 Drew That's good that Gioannes are off that a little bit, because I've seen just tons of side effects with that stuff.

1:04:44 Adam From the shots? The ortho shots? The ortho shots?

1:04:46 Drew Depression, decreased libido.

1:04:49 Adam Really?

1:04:49 Drew Protracted bleeding.

1:04:50 Adam That's just you.

1:04:52 Drew That's just me thinking about it.

1:04:53 Adam Right. Protracted bleeding. Yeah. Yeah. There's alternatives. Look, when I was 18, I don't really think I would have been capable of taking a pill at the same time every day. I really don't.

1:05:08 Drew Oh my God, Adam.

1:05:10 Adam I really don't. I know it sounds like a revelation.

1:05:11 Drew You can't brush your teeth and put deodorant on every day, for God's sake.

1:05:13 Adam Now, I leave the house with one shoe on because I'm too lazy to do the other shoe.

1:05:17 Drew Hey, we got a fax from our Kansas City affiliate. Remember Danny Boy? You met at the Axe Party? And I said he'd been taking left turns and got caught?

1:05:25 Adam Yes.

1:05:25 Drew Did it again. Another ticket.

1:05:27 Adam Really?

1:05:28 Drew Here's the fax.

1:05:29 Adam Really? First off, here's the thing, everybody. I do this on a daily basis because if you've vowed, as I have, to fight the man, and by the way, I'm doing God's work here, everybody. I'm not just getting from point A to point B a little bit faster. I'm doing God's work. We all need to take a stand. I just realize that our lives are being taken over by warning labels and pneumatic door closers and bells and buzzers and arrows and red and look, everybody, anyone wants to talk about is safety. Everyone's a pussy. Let's face it. Look, using, why not a helmet law in a car? And by the way, I said to someone today, I'd put a helmet on in a car if you could let me drive 10 miles an hour faster. Ace with a lightning bolt on it, you know, on the left side so people could see it when I passed them by if I could drive through those left turn arrows, which I do anyway. But the point is, yeah, everything could be safer. You lower the speed limit from 55 to 25. Require people to wear a full full cage. Put a helmet on. Well, how about welding a full cage in your car? How about it? How about how about you outlaw the Mazda Miata? It's a little too small. You know what I mean? Let's just keep going and going and going. Yeah. How about how about on every corner we put hay bales up? How about that? I turn it into a street course.

1:06:59 Drew People that have advocated on behalf of rights have created such restrictive laws that we have no rights. That's what I love.

1:07:05 Adam Hey, you pussy do-gooders. Oh, you guys sicken me.

1:07:09 Drew In the process, they made good guys bad guys and bad guys good guys. Because if you're a bad guy, you have rights.

1:07:16 Adam Right.

1:07:16 Drew Go ahead, protect your rights.

1:07:17 Adam Sure.

1:07:18 Caller If you're a good guy, well, it's for you.

1:07:20 Drew You've got to be busy protecting the bad guys.

1:07:22 Adam Here's what this country has turned into. Hey, we'd like to get a little DNA sample from the guy on death row so that we can solve some of these cases that are still open on the books, using up some man hours. Turns out, a lot of the guys are on death row, could have been the guys that were responsible for some of these other murders around town. We like to scrape a little, get a little swab off the cheek there, match the DNA up to the thing and see if we could close the books on some of these cases and perhaps give a little closure to some of the grieving families.

1:07:52 Drew How dare you? How dare you? What's the matter with you?

1:07:55 Adam Oh, we can't do that.

1:07:56 Drew Violating their rights.

1:07:57 Adam We're not going to be doing that. Yeah, yeah. We won't be doing that. Same pussies, by the way, want to make sure that you can't light up a butt on the beach. It's the same person. That's the same person, everybody. Do you hear me? It's the same guy.

1:08:11 Drew Secondhand smoke.

1:08:13 Adam The same guy who wants to champion the rights of the guy who's on death row, not to get a DNA swab. And by the way, you're already on death row. Let us close the books on a couple other cases. By the way, we're going to kill you in a couple of months. We can't rub a little cotton swab inside the lip there. All right. The same guy that wants to protect that guy's right is the same guy who wants to shut down your right to light up a butt in the middle of the sand on a sunny day with a 40 mile an hour wind blowing offshore. That's the same guy. That guy needs to be crushed. Do you understand, everybody? That's the guy that's ruining this country. Not the guy who's lighting up the cigarette.

1:08:54 Drew Probably not the guy on death row even.

1:08:58 Adam Ultimately, it's the guy who's trying to defend the guy on death row and shut down the guy who wants to light up in Santa Monica. That's the guy we need to crush and that's the guy we need to just pound in the submission. And I'm personally just driving through every left hand red arrow. That's my subtle protest. And here's the way we do it. We all light up on the beach. We all drive through the red arrows. We hold the guy down in prison and suave him and say, F you, we're closing some cases and that's it. That's how we do it. That's the way it's done. Fantastic. Got zero problem with that. So anyway, poor Danny boy from the Buzz in Kansas City. Says you got two for driving through? Yeah. Now here's the whole thing. You got to check for the fuzz before you do this. That's what we call it. That's the fuzz. I stop. I look left, right, and left again.

1:09:59 Drew Behind.

1:09:59 Adam Look around from the car. Always look behind. Always look around for the fuzz.

1:10:03 Drew Yeah, but you're- You got that hyper-vigilant thing. You see a gnat fart across the street and you're aware of it.

1:10:08 Adam Yes.

1:10:09 Drew Not everyone's got that crazy-

1:10:10 Adam Well, let me tell you this. I can promise you all this. When I get pulled over because it's gonna happen, it's gotta happen because I do 10 a day, I'm gonna fight it. I'm gonna talk about spirit of the law versus letter of the law, and I'm just gonna go berserk, and then I'm gonna turn into Lenny Bruce, and I think I'll just read court transcripts in here for two hours every night. Eventually, I'll be pulled off the air and I'll die of heroin overdose. But I will fight. I will fight this ticket. As a matter of fact, I'm now driving around hoping I can get pulled over just so I can get into it.

1:10:44 Drew I'm fighting my ticket by the declaration, by the trial by written declaration. They tell me I have a court date tomorrow online. I have no notification or nothing. Court date August 3rd. What? Whoa, whoa, whoa, what? What am I supposed to do?

1:10:56 Adam Pay them first.

1:10:57 Drew I paid them.

1:10:58 Adam You got to pay them in advance.

1:10:59 Drew I paid.

1:11:00 Adam Then if you beat your ticket, they send you your money back.

1:11:02 Drew But then they're also telling me, does that mean they're going to read the declaration tomorrow on August 3rd? I'd go somewhere.

1:11:08 Adam Drew, it's all, it's just, it's become the March of Dimes, big fundraising campaign. Everybody, please, those left arrows, please drive through them, please. I beg all of you. And Danny Boy over here in KC, a martyr and a hero. I will light another candle into your shrine, Danny Boy. A hero. Do you hear me? A champion. When life said no, Danny said yes.

1:11:33 Drew A great American.

1:11:34 Adam A great American. All right, I got to go number one.

1:11:37 Drew The center of this great land. The breadbasket.

1:11:39 Adam Let's take a whistle. We'll be back. You know, Drew, smelling good is more than a smell. It's an attitude.

1:11:49 Drew That's true, Adam.

1:11:50 Adam It is?

1:11:51 Drew I know how to get that attitude, too.

1:11:53 Caller How?

1:11:54 Drew Axe, deodorant, body spray. You can't lose. No, I know.

1:12:06 Caller I know.

1:12:15 Adam There, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Let me just finish this up, that email we got from Danny Boy over at The Buzz. And our KC affiliate basically got two tickets for turning left on Red Arrows when I begged everyone to turn left. I'm glad he's a devotee of my preaching. But he then writes, wanted to tell Adam that he is wrong on this one. I ain't wrong, let me tell you something. The first handful of black Americans that stood up to the white man and tried to drink from the whitey drinking fountain got the crap beat out of them. That's how it works.

1:12:59 Drew You take those punches on behalf of your brethren.

1:13:02 Adam That's right. That's all Danny is. He's the guy leading the charge.

1:13:06 Drew I said it's like in the Civil War, the picket charge, I mean, the guy in the front can take a few shots.

1:13:11 Adam Got mowed over by some cannon fodder.

1:13:12 Drew And that's how it works. God bless you, be immortalized.

1:13:16 Adam I'm not wrong, you just took one for the team.

1:13:18 Drew Danny Boy immortalized, just like the men at Gettysburg.

1:13:21 Adam That's right, that's right, that's right, that's right. Malcolm, I'm trying to think of Malcolm King. I turned Malcolm X and- No, not Rodney King, Martin Luther King into the same guy, and also, I think, Malcolm Jamal Warner ran through my head, too, from Godspeed, but Martin Luther King, he's dead now, but it doesn't mean the cause.

1:13:47 Drew They did something wrong.

1:13:48 Adam Didn't do anything wrong, he wasn't wrong.

1:13:50 Drew He was right.

1:13:51 Adam He was right, that's why he got shot. That's how it works.

1:13:54 Drew Not why he got shot, but in spite of being right.

1:13:56 Adam Well, he stood up for what he thought was right, and he's not here anymore because of it, but that doesn't mean he was wrong.

1:14:03 Drew So when Danny Boy is shot, we'll remember him always.

1:14:06 Adam Danny Boy essentially got assassinated two times for going through red arrows. That doesn't mean I'm wrong. Oh no, no, my preaching and teaching will continue.

1:14:16 Drew Is there a point at which you can take the guy off the active duty list? Can Danny Boy kind of back off and stop doing the left turns until the rest of us?

1:14:23 Adam Two tickets in less than a week, I'd say you could take 10 days off.

1:14:27 Drew We could put him in the rear reserve, can't we?

1:14:28 Adam Right, with the gear, that's right. But I'm still waiting, and I said, it's been hundreds and thousands of times now.

1:14:36 Drew Where's our buddies been from Culver City? We haven't seen our Culver City PD friends in a while. I'm surprised they don't sit out there and wait for you when we leave at night.

1:14:43 Adam We don't have to go, I don't go any direction that hits me any arrows around here anymore. So I guess they're popping the criminals that are going through those arrows at midnight. Max? You're 14? You have a Germany or Florida for us?

1:15:00 Caller Yeah.

1:15:01 Adam All right, go ahead.

1:15:03 Caller A man accused of murder after he'd been seen by several witnesses.

1:15:06 Drew Hang on a second, Max. Let's put on your best announcer voice.

1:15:10 Adam I know, and I appreciate that, Max, that you know you're on the radio and you just got the finger for we're on. You got the countdown, the five, four, three, two, pow. Lights up on the camera. Go ahead, buddy. I'm you.

1:15:27 Drew Try it again, try it again. Wait, wait, you kind of got it.

1:15:29 Adam All right, let's take it to the top. I'm gonna cue you. All right, you ready? All right. Five, four, three, two, one, and act.

1:15:39 Caller A man accused of murder after he'd been seen by several witnesses carrying what was thought to be a woman's dead body into his home with clear charges after he showed the police his collection of rubber sex dolls. Neighbors had called the police to report the man was bringing a corpse into the apartment. According to the police, the man was completely surprised and disturbed by the police visit and questions. He showed them his collection's latest edition, a full-sized female silicone sex doll. In addition, he had four other inflatable rubber dolls and was in the process of testing the new silicone one when the police arrived.

1:16:12 Adam Sure.

1:16:13 Drew So the silicone was not inflated, it's actual solid.

1:16:16 Adam Oh, have you not seen these things? There's something called a real doll or something. I mean, they look like people. Yeah.

1:16:24 Caller They have a picture one here next to it.

1:16:26 Adam Yeah, they look like beautiful women, but they're better.

1:16:29 Caller I know.

1:16:30 Adam You don't have to feed them, they don't make the number two around the house.

1:16:33 Caller They come with high heels and stuff, did you know that?

1:16:36 Adam Yeah, I know they're not coming with the Birkenstocks and a mustache. Okay, they come with high heels. That's gotta be it.

1:16:42 Drew He's dragging in the silicone rubber.

1:16:44 Adam This smacks of Germany to me. It feels Germany.

1:16:47 Drew For multiple reasons, A, it's a little weird.

1:16:50 Adam It's weird.

1:16:50 Drew Yeah, the collection of those weird. B, Florida, nobody would give enough about stuff like this.

1:16:56 Adam Well, here's the thing about Florida. Florida would actually be a woman's corpse.

1:16:59 Drew Yeah, right, right.

1:17:01 Adam Germany, and Germans love technology.

1:17:04 Drew And they like getting into other people's stuff a little bit, no?

1:17:06 Adam Okay, yeah.

1:17:07 Drew A little community.

1:17:09 Adam I thought Germany immediately.

1:17:10 Drew Me too.

1:17:10 Adam All right, we're going Germany.

1:17:12 Caller Germany, yeah.

1:17:13 Drew Right.

1:17:13 Adam Yeah, thank you, Max. And that's how you play Germany or Florida, everybody. Hey, Max?

1:17:19 Caller Yeah?

1:17:20 Adam It's guys like you that make it all worthwhile.

1:17:22 Caller Thank you.

1:17:23 Adam All right, buddy boy.

1:17:24 Caller And I was just wondering if I could squeeze this one in, because I called later, but the guy said he couldn't take the call. Go ahead. Can herpes be transmitted through a polyurethane condom?

1:17:36 Drew Through polyurethane?

1:17:38 Caller Yeah.

1:17:38 Drew Shouldn't be able to be, but not that well studied. Polyurethane should be an adequate protection, but condoms are not perfect.

1:17:45 Caller I heard somewhere that viruses could get through polyurethane.

1:17:48 Drew That's the concern, but it's not been proven really definitively either way yet. And the condom is not the greatest way to protect yourself from herpes if somebody has an active outbreak, because it can get around the condom too.

1:17:59 Adam Max, you got a good nine to 13 years before you're gonna have to worry about that, buddy.

1:18:04 Caller Well, actually, it's more like two to three days.

1:18:07 Adam Two to three days? What do you got cooking?

1:18:10 Caller Well, the thing is, I've known this one chick for a long, long time, and she's a virgin, but she says that there's something going on down there. I don't know, and I'm not gonna ask. It could be just, you know, just me or something.

1:18:22 Adam Sure, yeah.

1:18:22 Caller But I'm not gonna, yeah. She wants to do it with somebody she trusts.

1:18:27 Adam You don't wanna sour the deal, yeah.

1:18:29 Caller Yeah, yeah.

1:18:30 Adam Right, so how old is she?

1:18:32 Caller She's about my age, 14.

1:18:35 Adam Mm-hmm, and what are you, in the ninth grade?

1:18:38 Caller Yeah, well, we've known each other since we were like two.

1:18:42 Drew Yeah, that doesn't make it any less weird. It makes it a little more weird.

1:18:46 Adam A little. It's his sister.

1:18:48 Caller Well, cause she lives down there, like down in LA, where you guys live, she just comes up here and visits once in a while.

1:18:54 Adam Mm-hmm. And you guys, this was a email correspondence?

1:18:59 Caller No, no, no.

1:19:01 Adam You spoke on the phone?

1:19:02 Drew No, the noise was since I was two.

1:19:03 Caller No, I actually met her in person.

1:19:05 Adam No, no, I know that. I mean, when she said, I'm coming down there, I got a little something going on downstairs that was in person?

1:19:13 Caller Yeah.

1:19:15 Adam And when was that? When was this discussion you had?

1:19:19 Caller Um, about yesterday.

1:19:21 Adam About yesterday. And so yesterday had this now, why didn't you do it yesterday?

1:19:28 Caller Well, cause her grandparents are leaving tomorrow.

1:19:31 Adam Oh, okay. They're dying. And they're out of there. So you guys, the coast will be clear in a couple of days from now? Yeah. And where are they leaving her when they leave?

1:19:43 Caller Well, they're music people. So they go down to jazz festivals and stuff like that.

1:19:48 Adam And what does she do? She just stays at home at their house?

1:19:52 Caller Well, yeah. Sometimes her aunt and uncle come over, but they're not this time.

1:19:56 Drew Maybe you might just cool out a little bit on this whole sexual activity thing.

1:20:00 Adam Got a little something going downstairs is, I appreciate the heads up, but it's an ominous, it's a really ominous beacon in the distance. Like, hey, I'm a virgin. Hey, fantastic. Got a little something brewing down there. Jury's still out on the vagina.

1:20:19 Drew I wonder how this conversation went down between two 14-year-olds.

1:20:21 Adam I don't know. Listen.

1:20:23 Caller She's a basketball player.

1:20:26 Drew Oh.

1:20:27 Caller That's why I told her. I said, you know, you probably could have gotten in the locker room or something.

1:20:31 Adam A little jock itch or something.

1:20:32 Drew A little athletes.

1:20:33 Adam All right, are you into her, Max? Have you always been into her?

1:20:36 Caller Well, you know, she's kind of hot, but I mean, you know, when you think about it, it's kind of like making out with your sister.

1:20:42 Drew Maybe you ought to hold off on it.

1:20:44 Caller All right.

1:20:44 Adam Max got a plan. Listen, you know what I think's going on?

1:20:48 Drew What?

1:20:49 Adam I think a lot of girls are saying, like, look, I've got to get rid of my virginity. I'm going to give it to some guy who I can kind of trust. I'm not totally attracted to him. On the other hand, he's not going to leave me in a drainage ditch by the side of the road or give me AIDS. And then a little negotiation. I see, I was asking about the computer because it's my theory that the computers opened up this kind of conversation. The people are used to having these crazy dialogues now.

1:21:22 Drew Humanless conversation.

1:21:23 Adam Yeah, because it's real easy. I mean, it's just like, it's like you talking to some guy. It's like when some guy calls you on the phone and like, hey, who's this? And you're like, yeah, well, screw you. Yeah, well, screw you. I'll kick your ass. It's a lot easier to do it over the phone than the guy standing in the parking lot kind of thing. You know what I'm saying? I'm wondering if the computer hasn't just made all these kinds of conversations easier, maybe even in person, too, if people are just used to saying stuff. Plus the fact women, a fair percentage of women have called this show, sort of shopped around and not too closely for the guy who's going to take the virginity like they're unloading a used car and they'd like to go to a guy that kind of knew, take care of it. It's been in the family for 14, 15 years. It's got some miles on it, but it's clean. I changed the oil.

1:22:17 Drew I wonder what's pushing them along to need to do that so early.

1:22:21 Adam I think-

1:22:21 Drew Just get it out of the way.

1:22:22 Adam If your girl, take note, Drew. If your girl is running with a crowd where the majority of them have lost their virginity, then the pressure is going to be on. So if your girl is hanging around, has five or six friends, and four or five of them have lost their virginity, then she's going to just throw it out the window. I got to get rid of it. And that's where the maxes come in. I don't have a boyfriend. I'm not going to really enjoy it anyway, and we're not talking about love. Maybe I don't want to get attached. Maybe I'd like to lose the virginity and not have the broken heart. Where was I when this was going on, by the way?

1:23:07 Drew All that stuff left you behind. Think about all the different...

1:23:10 Adam All the BJs, all the, we take my virginity. I would have been, if I was 14, yeah, I'm looking to get rid of my virginity. What do you say, Adam?

1:23:20 Drew I would have been like, what is going on?

1:23:23 Adam Looking around for hidden cameras. I would have patted her down. You wired? You wired? Come here. Take my wand. Lift your arms, please, man. All right, you're clean. All right, now what was that again? All right, hold on. I get to transcribe. Okay, now.

1:23:37 Drew We sign here, please.

1:23:38 Adam We sign here. All right, so then you have stated here on the date of 1979, initial, okay, and then initial here, and I'm going to need a home number and a locker number. I'll get this notarized. All right, so this is a binding contract. You must lose your virginity to me. Let's take ourselves a little break. We got to pay some bills, Drew.

1:24:02 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:24:03 Adam Got to pay some bills. Got to pay some bills. Take a quick break.

1:24:06 Drew Some traffic and weather.

1:24:07 Adam We'll be right back. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V. All right, let's keep a-rockin. Lynette, who's on line 4-22, Lynette.

1:24:37 Caller Hi there. I'm calling just to tell you guys, thank you so much for being on the radio. When I was 15, I listened to you. I was molested by my grandfather. And while I was 15, I listened to your show, and there were so many kids calling in at the time, explaining their situations, and it encouraged me to call.

1:24:58 Caller Oh, that's great.

1:25:00 Caller I tried calling, but I didn't get through. Encouraged me to tell my parents. I went through counseling, and I couldn't be better.

1:25:06 Drew Oh, that's great. You really do sound great. How long did it go on for with your grandfather?

1:25:11 Caller From the time I was born until I could remember. Yeah. That's incredible. My parents divorced. Actually, it was a good thing that my parents divorced, because my mom and dad split up, and she moved me out here to California.

1:25:24 Drew Was your dad's father?

1:25:27 Adam Sounds like mom's dad.

1:25:30 Drew Whose father was it?

1:25:31 Caller It was the grandfather who molested me, dad.

1:25:38 Adam A grandfather who's molested you is your dad's dad?

1:25:42 Caller My dad's dad.

1:25:43 Adam Okay. And you say from the time you were born.

1:25:49 Drew Interesting confusion there. Grandfather who molested me is dad.

1:25:52 Caller From the time, basically until, the time I could remember up until I was about 10 years old, I was molested. And then we moved out here and I was away from it. Heard your guys' show. And it totally encouraged me to be able to talk to my mom. I was so afraid. You know. And I wanted to call, you know. If there's any girls out there listening or guys that have been through that, they should really talk to someone that they trust.

1:26:18 Adam What happened to this guy, the grandfather?

1:26:21 Caller Honestly, by the time I told, there was no evidence. So we couldn't really do anything to put him away. But my cousins and there's several other family members that came out with it. And he's basically, he used to be a pastor. And he got taken away from the church and is living a very lonely, sucky life right now. Good. And there's nothing we can really do to put him away because there's no evidence.

1:26:48 Drew But they were remarkable. Lynette, the remarkable thing is you got some treatment. And you sound good now. That's the thing that people need to be understand that you can't just go public or go to your family with it. You've got to be willing to do some work because this stuff affects how your brain develops.

1:27:02 Adam How about the group of people though that fell victim to this guy?

1:27:05 Caller A lot of them haven't been through any kind of counseling or anything. And I can tell you one of my cousins is a lesbian.

1:27:16 Adam Oh yeah. Oh no, but that's her ride. It's got nothing to do with that. The same pussies who want you not to smoke on the beach and don't want the DNA from the guys on Death Row are the same we can't judge. Yeah.

1:27:29 Caller Exactly. That would never cause her being that sexual identity problem.

1:27:34 Adam Getting diddled by a guy who smells like Grecian formula and tip-a-rillos from zero to 10 is not gonna cause you to hate men. Sure. Exactly. Yeah, well, I'm glad you're doing well. And I'm glad you listen to the show. And we don't have too many success stories on this show.

1:27:49 Drew Yeah, I just remember the earlier one this evening with the...

1:27:53 Adam She listened to the show, she took our advice, and she was only doing a fair amount of math.

1:27:58 Drew Just five days a week.

1:27:59 Adam She was doing math only five days a week.

1:28:00 Drew And couldn't understand why it was a problem, wanted to challenge us on why we should take issue with that.

1:28:04 Adam And again, I've said it many times, I'm gonna beg, just like a beggy to drive through those red arrows, if you're a guy and you're thinking it's a good idea to lay your hands on your granddaughter, just go ahead and put a shotgun in your mouth, pull the trigger with your toe. Go ahead and do it, please. We don't need you, it's really, it's like, look, there's a well that the town is drinking out of. If you wanna take a crap in it, go ahead and put a bullet in your mouth first. That's what you do when you screw in with everybody, then everyone starts screwing with other people. This is how we keep this cycle going. The people you molested molest other people, they molest other people, it's a virus. It's a virus. Put a bullet in your mouth, would you? Would you please have some dignity? You don't wanna be alive, do you? Here's your choices when you're alive. Your choices are effing your granddaughter or wanting to eff your granddaughter.

1:28:59 Drew And not being able to.

1:29:00 Adam And not being able to. Those are your two choices there, buddy. How about a third choice? How about a bullet in the head? By your own hands. And believe me, let me tell you something about, let me tell you something, they say, Drew, you can't get to heaven if you kill yourself. I say they make exceptions for pedophiles.

1:29:19 Drew Because they'll be doing such a service.

1:29:22 Adam I believe you go up there and you go, St. Peter sees half your head blown off. And he's like, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's up? Ah, you're going down below. You committed suicide. It's a venial sin. You can't come up here and you go, oh yeah, I was this close to effing my granddaughter. And they go, whoa, and you blew your head off instead? That's right.

1:29:46 Drew Saved the world.

1:29:47 Adam Well, okay, go on by. You're cool. Oh, let me stamp your hand in case you gotta take a leak. Cause you gotta come out of the club. It's like a club. You get a stamp.

1:29:57 Drew By the way, you say you're cool to that guy.

1:29:58 Caller It could be a problem.

1:30:00 Drew You are cool? You're cool? You're cool?

1:30:02 Adam Yeah, stamp your hand. And we'll put it, and by the, it's not one of those obnoxious stamps that shows up. It's the one that shows under the, it's happy face, but shows under the glow light, under the woods light. We shine it under there. That's so you can get in and out of heaven. Sometimes you gotta go out to your car. You just wanna have a cell phone conversation. You don't want God listening.

1:30:18 Drew Number two.

1:30:19 Adam Number two.

1:30:19 Drew You don't do that in heaven.

1:30:20 Adam You wanna crap on a cloud. It's huge. Yeah, that's how it works. So pedophiles can get to heaven if they kill themselves. Yes, Drew?

1:30:28 Drew If you say so.

1:30:31 Adam And then, Alyssa, 20. Alyssa? What's happening?

1:30:38 Caller I have a question about my boobs. Mm-hmm. Well, I'm a complete new girl.

1:30:43 Drew Did she just sing the question to us?

1:30:45 Adam And it goes a little something like, yes, what is the question?

1:30:51 Caller Okay, a couple years ago, I graduated from high school and I gained some weight and my boobs, I jumped from a small C to a large D.

1:31:02 Adam Mm-hmm. And I jumped from flaccid to leathery during her transition. Just a few seconds. Yes, I went from completely flaccid to what I would call a semi or leather-like condition down there, leather, as we used to call it.

1:31:19 Drew Oh my God, all right.

1:31:20 Caller Yeah.

1:31:21 Caller And so I've lost about half the weight, but my boobs now, every month, they go from a small C to a large D and back again, and I just want to know what's going on.

1:31:31 Adam I went up, I went from flaccid to leather, and then dropped back down again.

1:31:34 Drew Just mimicking her boobs. That's nice. You mean, as your period approaches, they swell?

1:31:40 Caller Yes, but a huge amount.

1:31:44 Adam Some women have greater variation than others.

1:31:48 Drew Are you on the birth control pill? And are you saying that in spite of losing the weight, this happens, or only since you lost the weight?

1:31:57 Caller I've only lost half of it.

1:31:58 Drew Let me ask the question again. Are you saying in spite of losing the weight, or only since you've lost the weight, you've noticed this fluctuation? That's weird. Are you taking, is anything changing your diet? Are you using more salt or more?

1:32:11 Caller Well, I'm eating healthier.

1:32:14 Adam Well, that's good. All right, well, here's the thing. This is sort of normal.

1:32:20 Caller It's normal, absolutely normal, yeah.

1:32:21 Adam Continue with the good diet and the exercise and the weight loss and all that, and I'm sure this will even out.

1:32:26 Drew Primarily fluid shifts, and that's gonna get better as you lose the weight more.

1:32:30 Adam All right, baby doll.

1:32:31 Caller It's normal, it's normal.

1:32:32 Adam It's all right.

1:32:33 Drew No big deal.

1:32:37 Adam John?

1:32:38 Caller Yeah.

1:32:38 Adam You lost 102 pounds on Atkins?

1:32:41 Caller Yeah, I did.

1:32:42 Adam Now, will you have to stay on this diet your whole life?

1:32:45 Drew No.

1:32:46 Adam No.

1:32:46 Drew Theoretically, if you go to a better balanced diet with lower calorie intake, you should be able to maintain it. Atkins is primarily for losing weight.

1:32:53 Adam Right, and then you lose the weight and then you eat a more normal diet. But you stay with the exercise. And we'll take a break. We'll be right back. I don't use the word dog anymore. Jackson for coming in here from American Idol and being a delight, laughing his ass off at my appropriate humor. We'll take a little break and until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo.

1:33:39 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:33:43 Adam The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment. Yeah.

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Monday, August 2, 2004