Episode 1000631183051

0:16 Adam Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Addiction Medicine Specialist. Drew Ski?

0:22 Drew Yes, sir. That's what I'm talking about.

0:24 Adam Oh, yeah.

0:25 Drew What?

0:27 Adam First off, I'll tell you, you know, remember I was in here, I had my hernia surgery on Wednesday. I was in here Thursday like I was Superman. Yeah? Started creeping up on me.

0:39 Drew Oh, really?

0:39 Adam Yeah, I think I overdid it a little bit over the weekend.

0:42 Drew What happened?

0:43 Adam It just, I think I got, I think I have a cross between my period and AIDS. I would call it PAIDS. What?

0:53 Drew It was like, what are the symptoms of PAIDS?

0:55 Adam Joints, hurt, night sweats, you know?

0:58 Drew It's just coming off the Vicodin you've been taking.

1:00 Adam Just, just.

1:00 Drew It's Vicodin withdrawal.

1:01 Adam Vicodin withdrawal. Just sweating and getting up in the middle of the night and pacing around, you know?

1:08 Drew It's just Vicodin withdrawal.

1:09 Adam Yeah, but I don't even like Vicodin.

1:12 Drew Yeah, but you managed to take about 30 pills in the first day and a half.

1:15 Adam Oh, since one is 28 pills, 30 pills. 28 or 29 pills. Hey, babe, I got to knock the pain down.

1:26 Drew Hey, aren't you on TV right now?

1:27 Adam Yeah, I might be on TV right now, yeah. Yeah, I did a, I hosted a show, this two-hour special for ABC called The Great Domestic Something Showdown, whatever. Actually, I watched the early feed of it and it was good. Actually, I enjoyed it.

1:45 Drew Actually, I watched a couple minutes in that room over there and I thought to myself, oh, again, again, Adam is too good for his own good. You got some funny things and people are gonna think, ah, I wonder who wrote that? I wonder where they slipped them those things. You know what I mean?

1:56 Adam Yeah, no, they cut every joke I said out.

1:58 Drew But you know what I mean? People are gonna go, oh, somebody hit it.

2:01 Adam Oh yeah, they don't have writers. But actually, I was there actually filming the whole show. It's a two-hour show. It's on ABC tonight, I guess like nine o'clock to 11 o'clock. And at the end, they, well, okay, so here's what happens. I don't wanna give away the ending, but here's my entire life, everybody. If you wanna know my entire life, it's me having a conversation with executives and then fast forwarding two weeks to the horrible, embarrassing scenario that I predicted two weeks earlier that we could have all avoided had they listened to me.

2:39 Drew Yes, we've had the, I've seen the, witnessed many of those.

2:42 Adam Witnessed many of them. I'm on the phone.

2:44 Drew And usually they go like, history, you're saying, gentlemen, history will be unkind to this.

2:49 Adam Yes.

2:49 Drew You watch.

2:50 Adam Yes, please listen to me. I'm saving you from yourself. Here's basically what happens. They're doing this thing. It's the Great Domestic Showdown. They're gonna take six contestants. They're putting them through the wringer. They're gonna plan weddings. They're gonna decorate. They're gonna build things from scratch. They're gonna cook. They're gonna do all this stuff. And at the end, we're gonna crown the next Martha Stewart. And that person is gonna get a potential book deal and a potential pitch meeting and a potential this and a relative that and a who knows this and then I don't know what. And I'm on the phone with the people two weeks before we do it. And I said, look, all this hypothetical crap doesn't mean squat to the middle of the country. We need to throw them the keys to a brand new GMC Denali or Cadillac Escalator. Look, they'll give it, get on the phone with Cadillac. All we got to do is park it on the lawn behind me and they'll give you one. They give these things away all the time. Evidently, you know, Kimmel's been driving around, went around for two years. Cadillac will just give you one of these things just so Ben Stein can be seen in it. You know what I mean? It's crazy. Oh yeah, Drew. I got one for a week. And I got like a Daihatsu charade for four days. I got a Daihatsu charade with 111,000 miles on it for the Labor Day weekend. And then they took it back. But Kimmel's had one of these escalates for like the whole, for like a year now. Point is, is look, when your company like GM, the sticker, the thing is 52.5, that it doesn't, they'll throw the keys to anybody. They don't care. And if you put it in the background, one of their, what's a commercial? So I said to the people who are producing the show, look, get on the phone with GM, get one of these things. We'll do all the same stuff. You have the appearance of Good Morning America, a potential book deal, the pitch meeting, the blah, blah, blah, but I'll hand the guy the keys to the escalator and we can see him get behind the wheel. It'll be something tangible. People will sink their teeth into. Everyone's just got to tune in just to watch the end of the show when I'm handing. Fast forward now to that. By the way, they lap it up with a fork and spoon when I'm doing it. Hey, hey, hey, Corolla, you're right. No, that's smart. No, it's got to be tangible. No, something middle. No, yeah, you're right. The middle of the country doesn't know from pitch meetings. They want something they can sink their teeth into. Yeah, it's a smart idea. Fast forward to the end of the show tonight. You will see me handing the winner. I will not give it away who the winner is, but you will see me handing the person a $69 Ryobi drill that has been spray painted silver mounted on a piece of plywood. And looking like the gag gift at somebody's barbecue. Nice. You know what I mean? Like, this one's going out to Phil McManus, Phil burnt the most burgers this year. You get the golden drill. You know what I mean? I was like, and as they were handing it to me to hand it to these people, I was like, remember the Denali conversation we had? Yeah, yeah. Don't you think this looks like a joke? Yeah, yeah, it's lame. It's lame. Don't you wish we'd got the, yeah, it would have been great. Yeah, cause this is, yeah, I agree. This is ridiculous, okay. And then I'm saying, well, what am I supposed to do with this? Am I supposed to make a joke out of it? Like, hey, here you go. Here is like, you won. So you get a piece of crap that's been spray painted silver.

6:17 Drew Joke's on you.

6:18 Adam Yeah, why don't we take a Coke can and stick some elbow macaroni to it, put some yarn around it. Use this pencil holder. Like, oh, really? This is it? We'll watch the show and you put it on whatever, at 11 o'clock at night or whenever the show ends. You just, you're gonna see the $69 Ryobi drill. By the way, not a Porter Cable, not a Milwaukee, not a Makita.

6:46 Drew Not a Makita drill.

6:47 Adam Nothing solid.

6:48 Drew Ryobi drill.

6:48 Adam Yeah, bad Jap junk as we like to call it in the trades. Spray painted silver mounted to a piece of CDX plot.

6:57 Drew Not a Makita.

6:58 Adam Lookin like just, like, so when they handed to me, I was like, really? I don't know what to do. It's embarrassing. Okay, fantastic.

7:06 Drew There we go.

7:08 Adam Great job, everybody. Fantastic. Listen to the Ace man. All right, what's goin on, Drew? But anyway, the show was actually decent.

7:16 Drew Computer's down.

7:17 Adam Computer's down tonight, everybody. So I'm gonna talk for two hours.

7:21 Drew You're gonna take this piece of paper and follow this direction.

7:25 Adam Goin to line two. Drew, do not, do not let me, Chris, that's your name, right? Do not let me forget, at about five minutes to 11, we're gonna see the handing over the coveted spray painted plastic Ryobi drill. Oh, Amanda? Uh-oh.

7:47 Drew Oh, you see, because the computer's out, we can't get the calls up.

7:50 Adam Amanda?

7:51 Drew And, oh, there. Amanda? There we are.

7:55 Adam Hold on, Drew. It sounded, that acting was worse than anything you ever did in New York Minute.

8:01 Drew That wasn't acting.

8:02 Adam And I know you weren't even acting. You're just like, right. Uh-oh, because the computer's are out, none of the calls will be up. Come on, Drew.

8:12 Drew Break it down.

8:13 Adam Break it down. Put some hood spy into it. Let's go. Now, sell it. Say what you just did, but sell it.

8:19 Drew Oh, my God. The computer's down. We'll never get the calls.

8:24 All right.

8:24 Adam Hi, Amanda. It's good.

8:25 Hello.

8:26 Adam What's happening?

8:28 I just want to say, Dr. Drew, you are a God.

8:31 Drew Oh, thank you, Amanda.

8:32 Yes.

8:33 If I were your age, I would do you.

8:36 Adam Yeah, yeah.

8:37 But anyways, I have a question.

8:38 I was with this guy.

8:39 Adam Amanda's 18, by the way.

8:41 Drew Yeah, it's good to hear she's healthy enough to know that's not okay for anything over the 45.

8:46 And when I was like really, really drunk and he like forced himself into my butt, I guess. And I-

8:57 Adam Just his penis or his entire bank?

9:02 Drew His soul might have entered first.

9:05 I've been bleeding ever since. This happened about a week ago.

9:08 Drew Are you able to have bowel movements, that kind of thing?

9:10 Yeah, it's really, really painful.

9:13 Drew Painful, all right. Is there a reason you didn't pursue rape charges against this guy?

9:19 Caller No, because I love him too much.

9:22 Drew That is to say, it was a guy you just met.

9:25 Caller No, I've been dating him for like three months.

9:28 Adam Nice. Three months. And do you consider yourself as a rape victim?

9:34 Caller I don't know, it's happened too many times.

9:41 Adam And how old is he?

9:42 Caller He's 17.

9:44 Drew Say it again, how old?

9:46 Adam 17. By the way, at 17, you know what I mean?

9:51 Drew Going for the side lane.

9:52 Adam Loosening them up, going for the big A.

9:55 Drew Now that she's an abuse survivor, how old were you when you were first abused? Nine, okay.

10:05 Adam How about a little therapy or a little bit of counseling?

10:07 Drew Have you had any treatment?

10:09 Caller I've been seeing a counselor for about 12 weeks now.

10:13 Drew Okay, well, you also, man, who knows what this guy's up to, but you need to get looked at for this rectal problem. This uncontrolled bleeding can get quite serious. People can bleed to death from problems. You can't put your finger on it and make it stop kind of thing, you know?

10:29 Adam Yeah.

10:30 Drew So warm baths, anya-sol cream, those are things that will help cool things down, but really you've got to see a doctor about this. And you may need some STD screening because any guy that's, as you say, going for the big A right up front at 17 may have exposed himself to other things along the way. Mm-hmm. All right.

10:49 Adam I am unable to put the callers on hold, evidently. So Anderson, who may be out of town.

10:56 Drew I think it's Ken.

10:57 Adam It's Ken. You hanging tonight?

10:59 Drew Yeah. Yeah, so Ken, you're gonna put them, you're gonna pick them up and put them on hold for us.

11:02 Adam Yeah. You're saying you know when to put them on hold. Let them get about three syllables into whatever it is they're saying and then pop them on hold. That'll launch me into some sort of tirade. And by the way, Drew.

11:13 Drew Yeah.

11:14 Adam I don't know if this is normal or not, but I was examining my junk. It's purple.

11:21 Drew Purple, yeah, good times.

11:22 Adam Yeah, it's got a nice shade, a nice hue.

11:26 Drew It's good times.

11:27 Adam Yeah, it's like a nice.

11:28 Drew Well, for God's sakes, I think, I think.

11:29 Adam It's like a nice Merlot.

11:31 Drew First of all.

11:32 Adam You want to cork it?

11:33 Drew I just don't want to get exposed to the bouquet, if you please.

11:35 Adam Oh, my God.

11:36 Drew But the deal is, I'm still impressed, no matter how much Vicodin you were taking, that you were up and around Thursday. That to me is mind boggling, based on how sick I was.

11:45 Adam I was working on Thursday.

11:47 Drew Whatever.

11:48 Adam I was on a ladder. I was on a ladder Thursday working.

11:50 Drew Can't even process it, but assuming it's lots of Vicodin.

11:53 Adam No, it's not lots of Vicodin.

11:54 Drew Whatever, I can't even process it. It's like too much.

11:56 Adam No, here, let me, but thank you. Thanks for the compliment. And yes, and you'll be glad to know that I, you know, I felt like fried hell the last couple of days.

12:05 Drew Well, you're detoxified by Vicodin.

12:08 Adam I got my surgery like five in the afternoon or four or five in the afternoon on a Wednesday. Thursday morning, I was up on a ladder doing work for a full day and I didn't take any Vicodin during the course of the day. And may have popped one or two over the course of like a eight hour period. And not really. And also Vicodin, by the way, I don't think I could tell the difference if you asked me, did you take one an hour ago or did you take one or did you not take one? I mean, pain wise, it might deaden the pain a little, but from a euphoria sort of standpoint, I can't tell the difference. Doesn't seem to do anything. Also, I think they give me a, did they give you kind of a low dosage? They don't.

12:52 Drew There's a, Vicodin comes in one dose basically.

12:54 Adam Yeah, but they'll tell you, like take a couple if one isn't doing the trick. I don't feel anything on Vicodin. True.

13:02 Drew Which is kind of a mixed blessing. I mean, obviously we can't become addicted if you don't get euphoric from it, you don't go with it.

13:07 Adam Yeah, but you get depressed.

13:09 Drew I get, I feel like crap.

13:11 Adam Why, on it?

13:12 Drew On it, I feel like just hell. I just can't even describe how I feel.

13:15 Adam It makes you a little antsy, right?

13:18 Drew It makes me tired and like depressed. I just feel awful. I just feel awful.

13:23 Adam You know what you do a lot of? You do a lot of, I'm really tired. I don't feel very good. So I'm gonna stand up and walk around a little bit and then sit back down again.

13:32 Drew You get that agitation. I don't get that. I just get the, I feel like fried hell. I wish I could die. Not really? Yeah, I wish I just, ugh.

13:39 Adam I got that, oh, my nads hurt. I'm tired. I ache. I don't feel good. I'm gonna stand up. I'm gonna do one lap around the house and I'm gonna sit back down again and announce that my nards hurt. So sort of doing nothing, can't get anything done. All right, let's talk to line three.

13:59 Drew Don't bother pushing on that number, Adam. You're so used to pushing the-

14:04 Adam I gotta have control. Cara. Oh, I see. We're telling Ken to go to Cara.

14:09 Drew Yes.

14:10 Adam All right, Ken, punch up Cara on line five. Cara. What's up? You're 15.

14:18 Caller I've been with good friends with this guy for a long time and I'm technically not allowed to date, but we're pretty close friends. And I was attacked a while ago and I may have had a few. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

14:32 Drew Wait, you have a boyfriend. How old is he? 18 year old boyfriend, you're 15. And you've been with him for how long? A month? And he's the one that attacked you?

14:49 Caller No, somebody else did.

14:51 Drew Somebody else attacked you. Who attacked you?

14:53 I don't really know him.

14:55 Drew Where did this happen? At a party or something?

15:00 Caller It was a youth group activity.

15:03 Drew Youth group activity.

15:05 At a rec center.

15:07 Adam Put on hold for a second, Ken. Everybody I talked to on the show almost feels like we're lost in the backwoods somewhere. And it's like that movie Southern Comfort or something. We wandered off the main highway and we got ourselves into the bayou and we pulled over and there's some old timer and we're asking him how to get back to the road, but we don't exactly have an answer. And he's like, he shall say from around here easier. And we're like, excuse me, sir. We don't want to offend him. We kind of feel like there's some jeopardy. There might be some trouble. We're trying to get some information, but it's a little unclear what's going on. Something bad. Could happen. If this is a movie, something's coming. But the next 15, 20 minutes, yeah. We're heading down a dark road, but we never quite understand what they're saying. They are speaking English, but there's something that seems to be going on. Maybe something with the dental work, something with the connection. Never quite understand what's going on on this show.

16:07 Drew But what you're getting at though is that our callers shroud everything in a cloud of, not just mystery, but confusion. It's a, well, how old were you? Well, he's 18. Where did you meet? Well, I see him around. Just the, oh, well, puts you off at the beginning.

16:26 Adam Half of it's technical, though. To be fair to the caller.

16:30 Drew Our technical.

16:31 Adam Yeah, half of it's like a guy talking to a walkie talkie on top of a windy mountain.

16:35 Drew Yeah, yeah.

16:36 Adam All right, Ken, put Kara back on. Let's see if we can get to the bottom of this. Kara? All right. So now then, let's see. You got attacked, you don't know who attacked you, have a boyfriend, and the question is...

16:58 Caller Well, I was wondering if I should...

17:01 Drew Stop, stop, stop, stop. Hold on, sorry.

17:02 Adam That's the other thing.

17:03 Drew Just that part, that part.

17:04 Adam One one thousand.

17:05 Drew But that sort of puts you back on your heroes. Like, I'm confused now. Why was that there?

17:12 Adam What's the question? Or I will have, Engineer Ken hang up on you.

17:20 Drew Okay, no thank you.

17:22 Adam Now I don't know if she's talking and there's a technical problem or she hung up.

17:26 Drew All right.

17:27 Adam All right, fantastic. Look, Drew, let's just, let's go to Best Of.

17:32 Drew Line three.

17:32 Adam Let's go to Best Of. Let's go to Best Of. Let's go to Best Of or let's have me talk about Red Arrow. Alma.

17:41 Drew Hey, what's up?

17:42 Adam What's up?

17:42 Not much. I just want to tell you guys, you guys are great. All my friends listening to you guys, Dr. Drew, I read your book, absolutely amazing. It inspired me to write a research paper on drug addiction and sexual abuse.

17:57 Drew God bless you. Thank you so much. Where were you working? Where are you working? I mean, over in college.

18:03 No, it was for an English class.

18:05 Drew Oh, fantastic.

18:09 So it was absolutely amazing. Thank you very much.

18:12 Drew God bless you. My pleasure.

18:14 Adam What's happened?

18:16 I just had a question about anal sex. It was my people.

18:21 Adam Yeah.

18:24 I've done it a few times with my boyfriend, but one of our favorite positions to be in is me bending over and sometimes we do get rough.

18:39 And Adam had to get.

18:43 Adam Yes. Sometimes you get rough.

18:45 Yes. And now it's happened twice that he's accidentally gone in the wrong hole while we're going fast. So it's been very painful.

18:57 Adam Wait, wait, wait.

18:58 Drew Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

18:59 Adam Hold on, if you're having vigorous anal sex and you hit the wrong hole, that's the eye socket.

19:05 Drew That's the right hole.

19:06 We were having vaginal sex.

19:09 Adam Ah.

19:09 Drew It slipped out, I see.

19:10 Out of nowhere, it was anal.

19:13 Adam Pow, that's right.

19:16 Yeah.

19:16 Drew That's the title of my next book.

19:17 Yeah.

19:20 Adam Shot by Cupid's Anal Arrow. It's happened, it's happened to the best of us.

19:26 Drew It sounds like a fear and loathing book. Out of nowhere, it was anal.

19:31 Adam Right, but you do like anal.

19:33 Yes, I do.

19:34 Drew But this was too traumatizing, too traumatic.

19:37 Yeah, it scared me a bit.

19:39 It shocked, you know, it shocked me. And it was painful. But the second time there was bleeding involved.

19:48 Drew Second time?

19:49 Yeah, it happened once a few months ago. And then for the second time, a few weeks ago.

19:56 Drew All right, well, this is, this is, you know, it could be a problem. You got to understand, you need to see, you should see a proctologist about it, frankly, because the problem with this is you can tear, you can cause hemorrhoids, and you can cause stricturing. After the tears occur, the anal cannot kind of narrow down and stricture, and you can end up with all kinds of yucky problems.

20:14 Adam Is, is, does he have a short penis?

20:18 No, he's a good five and a half, six.

20:22 Adam That's not a good, there's no such thing as a good five and a half. There's, there's an okay five and a half, it's no good. There's good and bad, there's bad and then there's okay. All right, yeah, see that this is, this is what happens. There's not enough, the piston doesn't have enough throw on it.

20:39 Drew A primary, primary target.

20:41 Adam That's right.

20:41 Drew So it comes out all the way too easily.

20:43 Adam Right, and the problem, the problem is, put her on hold.

20:46 Drew The piston doesn't have enough throw.

20:48 Adam Yeah, here's the thing, when you're, you know, you watch porn, if you, if you watch enough porn, that's the whole thing. I mean, the guy's pulling the penis out of there and it's like, it's like the clown pulling the handkerchief out of the sleeve. You know, it just keeps coming and kind of it's like when, where's the end of it? Just keeps going. She's across the room. He's down the street. He's gotten into his car. He's driven away. Penis just keeps, it's novelty, you understand? But so you get into that. But if you don't have enough junk to pull that off and you try to pull that maneuver off and you go, well, I want, I want to be, I want to look at some penis here as I'm having sex, pow, it pops out.

21:24 Drew So he needs to keep the pelvic together, as it were.

21:28 Adam He needs to be realistic. He needs to realize his own limitations.

21:35 Drew So you think this is him sort of expressing his deficiencies. He's going to, he's going to show her.

21:41 Adam No, it's, it's, it's, it's him. You know what it is? It's you trying to dunk a basketball when you can't touch the rim. And because you've seen enough NBA games on TV, now you got a clean shot at the rim. Instead of laying it up, you're going for the jam. It's not going to work. You're going to pin it against the backboard and land on your ass. That's what that is. You've been watching too much TV. Right, right, right. Know your own limitations sexually. It was a bitter pill to swallow for the ace man.

22:12 Drew Oh, really?

22:13 Adam Very bitter.

22:14 Drew Oh, that's tough.

22:15 Adam It was actually more salty than bitter.

22:16 Drew Yeah. That's tough.

22:19 Adam Sort of bleachy salty tasted like. Yeah. But it was a bitter.

22:23 Drew But it was a learning experience.

22:25 Adam It was a pill. It was a learning experience.

22:26 Drew You overcame it.

22:29 Adam Yes, I did. That's it. So you don't have enough junk to pull that off. Like you don't have the hops to dunk the basketball.

22:36 Drew Right.

22:36 Adam Yeah. If you don't, start working on your outside shot. That's what this guy needs to do. Stop worrying about trying to jam the ball.

22:43 Drew Right.

22:44 Adam Okay.

22:44 Drew Alma, thanks for the kind words and get in to see a proctologist, a gastroenterologist, because these things can become chronic and problematic. And the bleeding, as we talked to previous colors, can be dangerous.

22:54 Adam We will take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back after this.

22:59 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

23:02 Caller The Complete Olympic, this August from Athens, on the networks of NBC.

23:23 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191.

23:31 Drew A lot of running around this weekend.

23:33 Adam We'll talk about that in a second. The computer is down tonight, and for that reason, we have engineer Ken, who's filling in for engineer Anderson, running things back from the home base over there at Westwood Two, or as I like to call it the basically mahogany dump. It's just that- No, it's rough. Hold on. Who are you talking to, Chris? K-Rock engineer?

24:06 Drew All right, quiet down. The K-Rock engineer who knows we're on the air.

24:09 Adam All right, quiet down. Climb under the desk, would you? Turn your back at least, would you? Turn your mouth away from my microphone. Jesus Christ. This kid wants to be on the air.

24:20 Drew That's how badly he wants to be on the air. He must be overheard talking on the telephone behind us.

24:26 Adam All right, so engineer Chris, hard at work, trying to figure out what the problem is. Meanwhile-

24:31 Drew Well, part of the problem is we had some weird baldness show going on in our studio before this.

24:36 Adam Oh, is that what it is?

24:37 Drew It went to like five minutes for the top of the hour, then pow, we march in here and try to get our show going. Impossible.

24:44 Adam Uh-huh, all right, yeah. Oh, and by the way, yeah, that's a rough song like Cedar T&G. That was the other place we were at. I hated that dump. I still wish someone would have the way of us to burn that place down to the ground. All right, let's hop back to the phones. Producer Anne is getting the calls and we'll just go through them in order. So we go to line, where are we starting? Line two with Marianne. Marianne? What's happening? You're 27.

25:16 Caller Yeah.

25:17 Drew What's happening?

25:18 Caller I just wanted to, I saw you on TV tonight and I wanted to call and say you looked great.

25:23 Drew Thanks. You sucked, but you look great.

25:25 Adam Thanks. As long as I look good.

25:27 You look good. You look nervous though.

25:29 Like you didn't want to be on there or something or you were out of your element.

25:32 Drew That's not nervous. That's him just not wanting to be there.

25:35 Adam I look nervous.

25:36 Drew I didn't think you look, I saw you didn't look nervous.

25:39 Adam No, I, you know, people say that.

25:41 Drew Your heart barely beats. You don't even get nervous about anything.

25:45 Adam No, I, I know, I, you know, I, I, I do. And I know I'm now I'm sounding defensive rather than nervous, but my mom will say that sometimes. Or people will say that they'll go, you look nervous. And it's more like, I would be nervous if I was doing that. So you must be nervous.

26:01 Drew Maybe it's the head sweating thing that they.

26:03 Adam My head sweats.

26:04 No, we had that fixed.

26:06 That's right, I had that fixed.

26:07 Drew But not when you were filming that thing.

26:08 Adam I look nervous, but I look good, right?

26:11 Caller Yes, you look good.

26:12 Adam All right, but I look nervous.

26:15 Caller Well, you just kind of look like you didn't really want to be there.

26:17 I wouldn't say nervous.

26:19 Drew That's accurate, yeah.

26:20 Adam Probably is.

26:21 Drew Yeah.

26:21 Adam Probably is.

26:23 And we love, I love you Dr. Drew too. You are awesome too.

26:26 Drew Who's screaming in the background?

26:30 Adam All right, did you enjoy the show though? Hang up on her now, please.

26:38 Drew Yeah. Line six, we got Valor.

26:40 Adam What kind of, all right, I look good, you look nervous. What, can people hand out a complete compliment or is there no such thing anymore?

26:50 Drew Well, remember, there's a little piece of this also. First of all, people claim you for themselves, radio.

26:56 Adam Yeah.

26:56 Drew You know what I mean? And then they, and there's a relationship there that they feel very comfortable just like if you walked into their living room and went, yeah, you look good, like your mom.

27:05 Adam Yeah, look, look, here's all I'm saying. Look, you don't have to call me and tell me I was great on a show.

27:11 Drew Don't call.

27:11 Adam Don't call, that's all I'm saying.

27:13 Drew Well, but she felt that you, she was giving you a compliment.

27:16 Adam Thought I looked good. That's nice, seemed nervous, nervous. Drew, have you ever seen me seem nervous on a show?

27:25 Drew I told you what I think, I thought about the show. I thought you came up with some amazing quips and I thought to myself, oh, Jesus. And the way they cut it, the way they cut it, I imagine people going, oh, well, somebody handed him that.

27:34 Adam Oh, well, thank you, Drew. Have you ever seen me seem nervous on a show?

27:39 Drew Adam, your effing heart doesn't beat. I know. You don't have a pulse.

27:43 Adam I'm waiting to die.

27:44 Drew You do not. I've only seen you get angry on a television show.

27:49 Adam Thank you.

27:50 Drew Angry when the guests don't show up. Angry when there's misspellings on the names. Angry when they give you the wrong network and the wrong time. The TV show we're promoting.

27:59 Adam Well, they used to do that a lot when we did MTV.

28:01 Drew Angry when they don't listen to your predictions about the future.

28:04 Adam Yes.

28:05 Drew That's not even that angry.

28:06 Adam Coming up, we're going to see me. We're going to watch me hand the coveted spray painted silver Ryobi drill mounted on the piece of plywood. That's coming up. All right. Where are we going now?

28:18 Drew Valerie.

28:19 Adam Valerie? What's up?

28:22 Caller Hello, hi, I just recently had sex with my boyfriend at like on Friday and it was unprotected and I was wondering if it's too late to get like the morning after pill.

28:35 Drew Friday it's now Sunday. Absolutely. You're right in there. Please go immediately. Go the sooner you get it, the better. You have certainly up to 72 hours, but boy, if you can get in there under 48, you're much better off. And actually, there's some evidence that you can take it up to five days after a sexual encounter, that some of that sperm may hang around for a few extra days.

28:53 Adam Oh, don't tell them that. True.

28:54 Drew But forget that. The important is the sooner the better. 24 hours has the highest effectiveness, 48 and 72. It sort of steps down from about 90 percent to 80 percent to 70 percent overall. Go get it. 1-800-NOT-TOO-LATE is a phone number you can call to get a referral in your area. You're calling from California, you can get it without a prescription in most places.

29:13 Adam And what's the difference between without a prescription and just walking in and getting it off the street?

29:18 Drew Over the count, you still have to have a pharmacy who's sort of signed up with a doctor's license to be able to issue it with educational material, stuff like that.

29:25 Adam Yeah, I don't understand that. And I don't understand how you're supposed to know which one or which pharmacist has that. By the way, I don't understand how you're supposed to understand a pharmacist.

29:36 Drew Not too late. Number two, late.

29:38 Adam I would love to, here's what I would love to do. I would love to do a game show that just took place in Los Angeles called Los Angeles Pharmacists and Nurses. We line up pharmacists.

29:49 Drew And gas station attendants.

29:50 Adam And gas station. Well, I don't need to understand that. We line up pharmacists, they, I don't need to understand. Basically, they yell at you and actually they don't talk. They just throw change at you. You give them five bucks, they give you a Snickers bar and a four dollars and ten cents and then give you that di-infidel look through the eight inches of protective, of, of, of No-Max glass. And by the way, I'm not, I'm never sure. I'm always assuming that's to protect me from them. I know, I know the bulletproof glass is theoretically so I don't do anything to them. I always look at it as to keep them in their, their, You feel a little more secure with them behind it, don't you? Yeah. You know, one of these days, you know, like, you know what I'm going to do one day? I'm going to go to one of these 76 stations out here in Los Angeles. I'm going to shove a chair up against the door so they can't get out. Then I'm going to take a garden hose and I'm going to shove it into the slot where you feed them. And I'm going to fill it up, I'm going to fill it up like a tank. And I'm going to be yelling at them the whole time. Say thank you, come again, and they'll be going, no, no, no. And at the end, they'll have just, I'll stop the hose and they'll be just inches from the ceiling. And they'll be like, just bear it, their face will be up against the ceiling, they're trying to breathe. Say thank you, come again, and I'll take the hose out, no, no, and okay, I'm going to drown you, I don't care, drown me. And I'm just going to turn the hose off.

31:19 Drew I don't even think you'd get that kind of volitional response, it'd be more like, it's like, huh, huh.

31:24 Adam No, I think they'd just be yelling, they would be floating in the water giving you the bird and throwing change at you. And probably taking a sign and scribbling down like their last thing would be F you with a Sharpie on the glass. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's if you want to want to stop by a gas station here in Los Angeles, that's the kind of service you can expect.

31:47 Drew Hey, I'll just never forget the time it was kind of a gas.

31:49 Adam We borrowed gas can. We borrowed gas can.

31:51 Drew Yeah, sure.

31:52 Adam Hey, that's a hey, we use the bathroom or borrow the gas can, which is it? What do you want to do? Oh, you want some directions?

31:58 Drew Equally comedic.

31:58 Adam You want some directions?

31:59 Drew Yeah. Oh, yeah.

32:00 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Have fun.

32:02 Drew No, I just don't have the time in Wisconsin. We got out and we asked for a bathroom and we had a conversation with two people who were like, huh?

32:09 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Let me let me just say this. I've said it many times. You know, a lot of you people living around the country think, oh, I want to move out to Los Angeles. The weather's great. They got the beaches. They got the mountains. They got the beautiful people. That's true. We do have all that. And a lot of you folks calling from the Midwest and living in Wisconsin, Michigan, wherever you're living. You don't get all that. I'll tell you one thing you do get. You get people at gas stations that say thanks and don't yell at you.

32:37 Drew You get human relations.

32:39 Adam You get actual human beings that actually have contact. Actually they say stuff like, Drew and I were in Wisconsin. We stopped at a like Circle K to use the bathroom. And there was a chick behind the counter who said, yeah, let's go right on back. Go ahead and use that.

32:55 Drew Just clean it out. Just a few hours ago. I hope it's good for you.

32:57 Adam It's all freshened up for you. Go ahead. Here you go. No! Cannot have! Yeah. So you want to use a gas can? I'll leave you the pot. How about if I leave you this attache case with unmarked dollars? There's $20,000 unmarked tens in here. No! I'm going to use the bathroom.

33:22 Drew Yeah.

33:23 Adam You can't. You can't. By the way, it's not only can you not use stuff, it's sort of quasi-verbally abusive if you go to a gas station in the greater Los Angeles area.

33:34 Drew It's scary.

33:34 Adam Yeah. Don't ask anybody anything behind the counter. As a matter of fact, try not to establish eye contact. Just look down and mutter. What I'll do is I'll slide the guy a note that says Snickers Bar and Mr. Pibb. Then I'll tape a five to it and then hopefully without any eye contact, he'll slide it. We'll usually work out a drop area where there's a hollowed out tree in a park. He'll put the Mr. Pibb and the Snickers there. I'll stuff the five. I'll tape it to the leg of a pigeon. It's perfect. Yeah. You can't talk to these a-holes. All right. Thank you. Thank you very much.

34:12 Drew Let's see. Line five. This is Gus.

34:16 Adam So, please, people, if you want to come to LA., come to LA., be prepared to get yelled at by everyone who works at a gas station. And if you got to go, if you got to go, you'll be whizzing on yourself. Fill yourself a soda can in your car, take a dump on yourself, whatever you got to do. And if you run out of gas or you need any help or you need anything, you'll not get any help, you're not anything, nothing. And you'll probably get a parking ticket while you're taking a dump on yourself. Thank you.

34:46 Drew Okay. Gus.

34:47 Adam Gus?

34:47 Caller Yeah, I'm here.

34:48 Drew What's up?

34:49 Caller Adam, good to hear from you. I got a question. This one's directed more towards Adam. I'm 18 and I was kind of hooking up with my 17-year-old girlfriend for the first time. And I went downstairs, I was fingering her and I thought everything was going well, but it lasted about 20 minutes and I don't think she really enjoyed it. So I was kind of just fishing around down there. Like I didn't really know what I was doing, so I was just trying to like get all over, but I don't think it worked right. I was wondering, what am I supposed to do or what's going wrong here?

35:17 Drew I like the way you fished for a question because there wasn't one we were talking about.

35:21 Adam So there's no 18 year old guy named Gus, by the way.

35:24 Drew It doesn't exist.

35:25 Adam Gus is the name of the friendly guy who used to work at the gas station.

35:29 Drew The Texaco man.

35:31 Adam Red haired guy, had a little nip every once in a while, blue eyes. Want to know if he could top off the wiper fluid for you. Instead of that guy got replaced, the guy yells at you through the speaker. All right. I don't know. Is Gus gone?

35:47 Drew Gus, you there?

35:47 Caller No, I'm still here.

35:48 Adam All right. Is your name really Gus?

35:51 Caller Yes, it is. That's what my parents named me. This is my first girlfriend too, so I hope my name doesn't have anything to do with it. But you know, that's not a big deal to me.

36:01 Adam All right. Put young Gus on hold and I'll tell you what we'll do. Drew, feel free to jump in. As far as the ladies go and fishing around down there, whether it's a bogus question or not, there's still plenty of guys who need this advice. Less is more. Would you agree with that, Drew?

36:23 Drew Less is plenty.

36:25 Adam Yeah.

36:25 Drew You know what I mean? Less is too much. There is the rare woman that with a guy, again, men should not think that a female works in any way like them. A guy, someone wraps their hands around them, something is going to come out. A girl, a woman, you put your hand in a fish around, it's only like, hey, what are you doing? It's nothing. Occasionally, there are women that are stimulated by that. Very occasionally, someone will actually have an orgasm that way if a guy is very skilled. But that ain't... Here's what you don't want to do.

37:03 Adam You don't want to be like me when I'm at the gas station trying to get the pack of smokes in the Snickers bar and the change through the drawer that doesn't fully slide out where you have to stuff your hand into the thing and then you're fishing around, you make that sort of half hook. Now, you don't want to be fishing. You don't want to be like a raccoon trying to get a trout out of a stream. You don't want that.

37:29 Drew Well, it's not even clear that the inside is necessary or important at all.

37:34 Adam But a little that will work sometimes.

37:37 Drew It's part of the sort of...

37:39 Adam Slow and rhythmic.

37:40 Drew Yeah.

37:41 Adam Very rhythmic and very consistent.

37:43 Drew And gentle.

37:45 Adam Don't move all over the place.

37:46 Drew Very often.

37:47 Adam Yeah. All right. I'm getting excited now, Drew. Let's take ourselves a little bit of a break here. What do you say, buddy? Yeah. We'll be right back after this. Hello.

38:02 Caller Now you and a guest could enjoy three nights at Chicago's House of Blues experiencing a series of amazing live concerts. And we'll get you there. Go to www.bluejamsessions.com to enter to win and to see complete rules brought to you by Blue from American Express.

38:32 Adam Hey, everybody, it's the Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, having a little trouble with our computer tonight, so we're running it in via Producer Anne. Drew has the calls lined up and he can just tell me what line to hit next. Line 5, speak to John, who's 18, John.

39:00 Caller Hello?

39:01 Adam John.

39:04 Drew Call her who goes by John.

39:05 Caller Hey, this is John from Ohio. That's right.

39:10 Drew You need to smoke less pot, dude.

39:13 Caller What?

39:15 Adam Hey, John, ask your question or Engineer Ken is going to hang up on you.

39:21 Caller Yeah, this is John. I had a question, do you think that women find it a turnoff if the guy is uncircumcised?

39:33 Adam American women can get a little freaked out about that.

39:37 Drew A little bit, yeah.

39:38 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

39:40 Drew I'm not used to seeing that.

39:42 Adam And Drew, didn't you think by now that we're going to be used to seeing it?

39:47 Drew I really did. Yeah, I'm surprised that we're still hearing those kinds of complaints coming through, but yeah.

39:51 Adam And it's not one of these things, too, like, let's look at it this way, Drew. Women call up all the time and they say, like, one of my breasts is bigger than the other and I think guys are grossed out about it. And we always go, oh, listen, who would that be? First off, they don't know, they don't care, whatever, they're drunk, it's fine. When you're talking about this situation, though, I can almost honestly say, yeah, some chicks are a little freaky about it. And we have talked to a handful of them.

40:21 Drew Again, though, that being that, be that as it may, women are so much more evolved than men, even if they're freaked out, if they really like the guy, they'll put it aside.

40:29 Adam And the good news is, is it's not it's not stamped on your forehead. You know, I mean, it's not it's we don't remove the skin from your eyelids. It's like they can't tell until the penis comes out.

40:41 Drew Most guys have pre-pews just under their chin.

40:46 Adam So the point is, is if you have a few dates, you do a normal courtship. You guys have some, you know, mutual interests. You fall in love and all that. By the time she finds out about it, it doesn't become too big a hurdle.

41:00 Drew Yeah, that's right. Yes.

41:02 Adam So love will conquer all and easy on the weed.

41:06 Caller Yeah, John.

41:07 Drew All right, dude.

41:08 Adam Now, who are we talking to?

41:09 Drew Let's talk to Amy, who is on line four.

41:13 Caller Hello.

41:13 Adam How old is Amy?

41:16 Caller I'm 16.

41:17 Adam What's happening, baby doll?

41:19 Caller Yesterday, OK, I had sex with my, well, the guy I'm dating with, like two days ago, right? And yesterday, I experienced some itching in my, like around my vagina and it was like burning. But I really took it much in consideration because it wasn't really that bad until today where my clitoris swole up like so big and it hurt so bad and I was like red and like there was bumps all over the place. Like I started crying because I couldn't take the pain anymore.

41:48 Adam What was the part that swole up?

41:50 Caller The clitoris. And it was like around my vagina, it was like white. It looked like cheese. Like it wasn't disgusting.

41:57 Drew Good times.

41:58 Caller So like, I don't know like what it is or like, I don't know what's going on.

42:01 Drew It may just be, I'm always amazed that people that are having sex don't know the basic sort of operation of the genital vehicle.

42:08 Caller No.

42:09 Drew You know what I'm saying?

42:10 Adam Look, the people that know, the people that know the terrain have the least sex.

42:17 Drew Yeah, you're right.

42:18 Adam I'll give you an example. I'll give you an example. And please, we put the TV on so I could show Drew me handing the Golden Ryobi Drill. But stop looking at the TV, Drew, even though that's me on there right now, looking dapper in my suit. Here's the deal.

42:32 Drew Nervous, though.

42:32 Adam Okay.

42:33 Drew You look nervous.

42:34 Adam Look at me. I'm a mess.

42:35 Drew You look nervous.

42:37 We're watching the TV.

42:41 Adam I'm making a toast.

42:42 Okay.

42:42 Adam But look, you see my hand shaking, right?

42:45 Drew Nervous. You look like you don't want to be there, dog.

42:46 Adam That is true.

42:47 Drew Because I know wherever you are, you don't want to be there.

42:49 Adam Drew, look at me now. Okay. Chris, you see what I look like now? That's the look in me not wanting to be here. Here's my point. In life, this is how it works. The guys who know the most about sports, the most about statistics.

43:03 Drew Don't play sports.

43:04 Adam Are the worst at it.

43:05 Drew Yeah.

43:05 Adam Always.

43:06 Drew Yeah.

43:06 Adam I love the great big black athlete. The guy's got a 42-inch vertical leap. He can bench press 500 pounds. His coach is a... What are you doing, Drew? Hold on. Stop pointing. His coach is like Mike Ditka, and he has no idea that the guy even played in the NFL.

43:22 Drew Yeah, of course.

43:23 Adam That's how it works. Where's the super nerdy guy? This guy knows the stats, knows everything, knows everything.

43:30 Drew He knows that the vagina works, too.

43:32 Adam This is the irony of it. The guys are having sex, don't know. The guys that don't do know.

43:38 Drew All right. This is a new boyfriend you're having sex with?

43:43 Caller No. We've been together for two years. It's about to be three years.

43:47 Drew Was he a virgin, too, when he had sex with you?

43:49 Caller No, he wasn't.

43:50 Drew How old is he? And does he have any herpes or history of sexually transmitted sex?

44:00 Caller We've been together so long, I've never experienced anything until right now.

44:03 Drew All right, well, here's the deal. This is probably just a plain old yeast infection, so you go to the grocery store and you get some yeast medication. You start up right away. If that doesn't work, you got to see a doctor because herpes can present like this, too.

44:14 Caller Well, what I did is I went to the grocery store and I bought some yeast infection cream to help relieve the pain, but it didn't help at all.

44:25 Drew It may not be yeast, then. Did you put it inside? Did you use the applicator and put it inside?

44:29 Caller Yeah. I had the little oval thing and I put it inside of me.

44:33 Drew Oh, you used a suppository?

44:35 Caller Yeah.

44:36 Drew Go get the cream. Get the cream because you can put the cream all over the outside and stuff, too. Get the cream. Put the applicator full of cream. Use it on the outside. If it's not better in about 24 hours, you've got to see a doctor about it because it could be herpes.

44:48 Adam They should have a yeast medication fogger where you just put it in there. You pull the ripcord on the thing and it's just like a holiday fogger.

44:56 Drew That is the other thing is that there are medication, a pill you can take that's called the diflucan. You take one pill and it takes care of the whole thing. Sometimes the creams and whatnot aren't quite strong enough to handle it. But give it a 24-hour shot, okay? Other sexually transmitted diseases, too, like even herpes and chlamydia, I beg your pardon, gonorrhea and chlamydia can sometimes present like what she's describing as well.

45:15 Adam That's a good time.

45:16 Drew So, Adam, I saw you holding that GD drill, I can't, it's, I mean, it's actually the drill.

45:22 Adam Yes.

45:23 Drew And they cut the commercial instantly as soon as you walked over with it.

45:26 Adam Well, don't worry, because we're going to take a break. Drew and I are going to watch my TV show. I'm going to show them the piss-poor drill they gave me, spray-painted, still sticky, by the way, because the prop guy just spray-painted it silver. And by the way, is there anything that screams cheese more than something that's plastic that's been spray-painted silver? Like hey, it's a trophy, we're going to take this porous plastic thing where it's spray-painted gold or silver mounted on a piece of CDX playa hand if they got it. It's comical.

46:01 Drew Like it's a joke with no punchline.

46:11 Adam Couldn't have given them the keys to the name. That was my reaction. Thank you. All right, we're going to take a break. We'll be right back. Here it is. Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

46:22 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects. Call the Dateline.

46:26 Caller Call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE. So get your problems ready.

46:59 Adam I'm Adam. That is Dr. Drew over there. Just watched the finale, my TV special, where I handed him the $40 cordless drill that was spray painted silver. All right, thank you.

47:12 Drew Sentimental value into the billions.

47:15 Adam Any thoughts about that?

47:17 Drew History will be unkind.

47:18 Adam Any thoughts about my conversations with them about what to give them earlier in the week?

47:23 Drew Yeah, no, something's never changed.

47:25 Adam All right. I'm just gonna stop. I should just, you know what, you know why? Cause I curse things. I realize I curse them by bringing them up. I'm the kind of guy who says, oh no, no, no, don't, you know, don't leave the car out. They'll turn the sprinklers on and it'll get, and I actually force the sprinklers to come on.

47:44 Drew It must be.

47:45 Adam I'm gonna stop talking. That's it.

47:49 Drew All right.

47:50 Adam No more talking.

47:51 Drew Talk to Amanda. No, I'm talking. Sorry, cause you're not talking. I'm gonna talk to Amanda.

47:55 Adam Yeah, but I'm not talking anymore.

47:56 Drew I hear you're not talking. I hear you're not talking. Amanda, line six.

48:00 Caller Hello?

48:01 Drew Yeah.

48:02 Caller Hi.

48:03 Adam What's happening, baby doll? How old is Amanda? 18?

48:06 Caller Yeah.

48:07 Adam What's up, baby doll?

48:09 Caller Hi. Okay, recently I've been having sex with my boyfriend and sometimes, you know, we don't wear, he doesn't wear a condom. And like lately, the last time we had sex, he wore a condom, you know, and every single time he's worn a condom, like afterwards, I get this pain whenever I go pee.

48:35 Drew Yeah, that happens sometimes. You can sort of irritate the urethra. Does that pain keep going?

48:40 Caller I mean, and I don't get off when he uses condoms either.

48:44 Drew You don't have an orgasm when he's using a condom.

48:48 Adam But you will. Wait, wait, wait, whoa, whoa.

48:49 Drew Do you normally have an orgasm within our course?

48:52 Caller When he doesn't wear one, I do.

48:54 Adam Really?

48:55 Drew What is it about the condom then that prevents it? What is it about the condom that prevents it?

49:02 Caller I don't know. I don't know. I have absolutely no clue, but when he, I have this, right now I've got this pain whenever I pee.

49:14 Drew All right, well, that's a urine infection. So if that keeps going after the first time or two, your urinate after sex, that's a urine infection.

49:22 Adam Let me give you my theory. Let me give you my theory.

49:24 Drew Yeah.

49:25 Caller Well, it never happened in the other time.

49:27 Drew All right, well, now you have one.

49:29 Caller Yeah.

49:29 Drew Now you have a urinary tract infection. It needs to be treated before it gets to your kidney and causes a problem. It drives me insane when people come in and go.

49:35 Adam Yeah, but I never had it before.

49:36 Drew Yeah, okay, now you have an appendicitis. How could I be? I've never had that before.

49:40 Adam I, listen.

49:41 Drew You walk around the, yeah.

49:43 Adam I just had to tell a thousand retards when I had my hernia surgery, why now? Why now? I've had it for 10 years. Yeah, but why now? I don't know. First off, let's examine what now is. Now would have been now six months ago if we were having this conversation six months ago, would have been now.

50:03 Drew Why now?

50:04 Adam Six months from now would have been now. Every time, now, it's now. Now is always now.

50:11 Drew And now is now.

50:12 Adam Now, why now? Now is now. That's why it's now. It's like, if you get in a car accident, it's like why now? Well, if you get in a car accident five years from now, you'll say why now? And if you got it in 1963, would have been why now? It's always, you always have the conversation now, then and now.

50:30 Drew It drives me insane. Medical problems, you never have them till you have them.

50:35 Adam Now you have one. Then you have them.

50:37 Drew Now, Amanda, now you have a urinary tract infection and that needs to be treated before it gets into your kidneys and causes a real one.

50:43 Adam I have a...

50:44 Caller I went to the store and I bought one of those urinary tract infection methods, you know, I went and bought one and...

50:50 Drew What?

50:52 Caller I went and bought one of those things, you know, the, with the oval thing and you put it inside of you.

50:59 Drew Hold on. No, no, no, no.

51:00 Adam Why then?

51:01 Drew No one knows that one.

51:02 Well, because it happens then too.

51:04 Drew You have to see it. Amanda, listen. You have to see a doctor and you have to get on antibiotics. Do you understand that?

51:13 Adam Why now, Drew? Why do you have to have this conversation with her now?

51:16 Drew Do you understand that? Okay, that's what you need to do.

51:20 Adam I have a theory. I have a theory. About what? About Amanda and the urinary tract infection.

51:27 Drew Oh, about the, well, a non-lubricated condom, really, so a condom that's, she has to try different brands because some of them can irritate the urethra and if the urethra is being irritated, you can be prone to infection.

51:38 Adam But, are you on any other form of birth control?

51:42 Caller Actually, no, I'm not.

51:44 Adam Right, so here's the thing. The guy pulls out the other times.

51:50 Drew But that's when she has oral.

51:51 Adam Yeah, he pulls out. So he's taking it easy. He's not having, put her on hold, by the way, Ken. He doesn't have sex with impunity. You see what I mean? So what he's doing is he's got that, that something could slip out, I could knock her up sex, which isn't the freewheeling sex. This is sex without a net.

52:11 Drew Yes.

52:11 Adam You see, when he puts the condom on, he bangs the bejesus out of her. Therefore, she gets the infection.

52:18 Drew This is actually really interesting. Wait a minute.

52:20 Adam Thank you.

52:21 Drew That is a potentially accurate male interpretation.

52:25 Adam Thank you.

52:26 Drew But let me put a female spin on it.

52:28 Adam Why now?

52:29 Drew That is women find sex more erotic and more arousing when there is the potential of creating a baby. And maybe that potential is getting her to the point where she's able to have it.

52:38 Adam I'm not talking about the orgasm. No. No, you're not listening to me now. Yeah, no. That's a retarded theory for talking about the orgasm. But yes, your orgasm theory is fine. There's a potential for an actual baby. So therefore, they're closer to orgasm, yes. I'm saying the guy bangs away the impunity because he doesn't have to worry about timing.

53:02 Drew So there's more trauma to the urethra, more push back into the bladder and get the infection. Yes.

53:08 Adam Yeah, if you're just sort of, it's like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea otherwise.

53:15 Drew Riding a roller coaster with diarrhea.

53:18 Adam I'm just saying. You can't throw your hands up and start screaming.

53:21 Drew Yes, all right.

53:22 Adam Put the hands down, grab the laugh bar and hang on. And sit on a newspaper.

53:28 Drew I've never contemplated riding a roller coaster with diarrhea, but now that you've mentioned it, that will be a reference of mine for many different conditions of life.

53:36 Adam Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster. You cannot just throw those hands up and start screaming.

53:44 Drew Here we go. Here, here.

53:45 Adam I'll let a nice fart go. No, I'm not wearing jeans. Yeah, it's a little medicine-y, too. Come on, I'm a sick man.

54:08 Drew Turn the mic out over here.

54:09 Adam Yeah. All right.

54:10 Drew I'm on the other side of the room now. You watch. It's going to be bad.

54:16 Adam Let me enjoy my bounty. Where are we, Drew?

54:24 Drew Come on, get back here.

54:25 Adam Hey, why don't you act like a pro?

54:26 Drew Hey, break it down.

54:27 Adam Break it down and get back here. Get a hand in. No, that's all right. We're going to line five.

54:32 Drew Line five. Yeah, I held my breath when over there.

54:34 Adam Let's speak to Amy. Uh-oh. 20 years old. Come on, don't make me laugh too hard. I got stitches in my groin. What's happening, Amy?

54:49 Caller Chris, come on.

54:51 Adam Oh, come on. Hey, grow up. Come on, buddy. Go ahead, Amy. I'm sorry, I'm trying to help.

54:58 Caller Okay, the other guy, I'm sorry. The other day, I gave some guy head and I usually swallow and I did that. And after I swallowed, something else came out.

55:12 Caller And I don't know what that was.

55:14 Drew What do you mean something else came out? Where did you see this something else?

55:20 Adam Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. After you swallowed, something else? Came out of him?

55:28 Drew I don't understand what you're talking about. There can be clear emissions for a long time afterwards, like for 10 or 15 minutes sometimes.

55:36 Caller Well, that's never happened to me before.

55:42 Drew Some guys just have a little leftover.

55:43 Adam Yeah, well, it's just a little clear, sappy stuff, right? Right? All right, all right, all right. Come on, genius. What do you think? Just a little drippy oozy coming out of there.

56:03 Drew The room has recovered nicely.

56:04 Adam Thank you.

56:05 Drew Yeah, that's good.

56:06 Adam Yeah, you know, my, I'll tell you about my gas.

56:11 Drew Please.

56:13 Adam My gas is like a boxer that has a quick cross, but not a heavy one.

56:19 Drew I beg your pardon. I remember times in that old studio when I swear it had bound to the wall. There would be linen walls here.

56:27 Adam Maybe.

56:28 Drew I remember I had to go out in the hall for like a half an hour. There were some disgusting vomiting experiences.

56:33 Adam Right. Well, it's changed, which is I'll get you.

56:36 Drew Tonight. Tonight. It's a quick handed.

56:38 Adam I'll get you with a flash knockdown. I'll sting you. I'll knock you down, but you'll pop back up on your feet.

56:45 Drew That's tonight.

56:46 Adam You're not out of it.

56:48 Drew Last time we went through this, it was a brutal.

56:50 Caller Brutal. Yeah.

56:51 Adam Well, you know what? You're getting a little medicine fart tonight. I know.

56:55 Drew Thank you.

56:55 Adam Yeah.

56:56 Drew Thank you for providing us with that. This is now line three, Christina, who's 14.

57:03 Adam Christina? What's happening?

57:08 Drew There you go. What's up?

57:12 Adam Yes.

57:12 Drew Not very well.

57:13 I had a boyfriend.

57:16 Caller He's 18 and I'm 15 and he lives in Tennessee because I live in Tennessee, but I came out to visit my dad and my best friend told me he was cheating on me and I don't know who to believe.

57:30 Drew Why would your best friend tell you that? What's in it for her if it were untrue?

57:33 Caller Because she said that he told her that.

57:37 Adam Well, I know, but Drew, ask the question again.

57:42 Drew Why would she lie to you? No. Do you think she hates you and wants to make you miserable? Or she cares about you and wants to warn you about something she's heard?

57:54 Caller I think I believe her, but I'm not sure.

57:57 Adam Alright, hang up on Christine because the phone line is driving me nuts.

58:02 Drew Here's the deal. An 18-year-old or 15-year-old is not likely to last. That 18-year-old is going to stray. For sure. For sure.

58:08 Adam The other thing, too, is people do this all the time where they say like, my sister-in-law, my best friend, my hairstylist, my sister, my brother said so-and-so is cheating. I don't know whether to believe or not. Well, here's what you got to ask yourself. Why are they saying it?

58:25 Drew Right. Why would the world?

58:26 Adam What's in it for them?

58:27 Drew Why in the world would they say it if it were untrue?

58:29 Adam And here's what they do. It's like, well, my best friend says he's cheating, but he says he's not. So, we got one of the Mexican standoffs, 50-50. No, no, no.

58:41 Drew He's always going to say he's not.

58:42 Adam He's going to say he's not. And what is her motivation? Now, it's one thing if somebody has a crush on him, somebody's trying to sabotage you, someone's trying to get you fired from work or something like that.

58:54 Drew But that's rare.

58:56 Adam Here's what you got to look at. Everybody, everybody. It's all motive. This is how cops solve crimes. That's all they do. They find the wife dead. They go see who the benefactor is on the insurance policy, 99% of the time it's that guy. They just go find the person, find where the motivation is. If you got a girlfriend who doesn't like this guy, doesn't know this guy, she just... He just said she was cheating. He was cheating and she tells you that's just a best friend being a best friend and he's cheating.

59:26 Drew Even George Washington used to have something called self-interest. People operate from self-interest. What's in it for them?

59:33 Adam Oh, absolutely. And that's how you get the answer to all questions.

59:37 Drew You give us some new calls and I just smell juicy fruit.

59:41 Adam Yeah.

59:42 Drew Is that what that is? It smells better than the fart, Adam. I just saw. It was just such a breath of fresh air.

59:52 Adam It smells better than what?

59:54 Drew Here's a...

59:55 Adam What did you say it smelled better than? Let the fart fly right when he should.

1:00:15 Oh boy. I tell you what.

1:00:23 Adam Drew, come on, buddy. Ahem. Let's go now, we got kids to help, let's get a hand and spray it down. Yeah.

1:00:35 Oh Lord.

1:00:36 Adam Yeah. You know what that is. Let me tell you what's going on. Let me tell you what's going on. That's Beelzebub. That's what that is. That's Vicodin and nectarines. I got a nectarine tree I'm harvesting. The bounty of that nectarine tree is like the horn of plenty. I got nectarines coming out the wazoo, literally.

1:00:55 It's solid. Yeah.

1:00:59 Adam I'll tell you the Vicodin. Vicodin will give you a little medicine-y gas.

1:01:03 Drew It constipates. Let's see if I can watch out. We're cool. Line six, we have Rebecca.

1:01:12 Adam Rebecca's 21.

1:01:15 Yeah, 21.

1:01:16 Adam What's happening, Rebecca?

1:01:18 What's happening? Well, basically, one of my best friends, I've known him for a really long time. We were, I don't know if you want to call it dating in junior high school, we met each other in junior high. We started seeing each other back then, all the way up until the middle of high school. We lost our virginity to each other. We're just like, you know, our birthdays are really close. We're really good friends.

1:01:44 Adam Uh-huh.

1:01:47 This past year, I moved home and started hanging out with him again. We both had long-distance relationships. I had a boyfriend in Ohio and his girlfriend in Arizona. And after a little while of hanging out, we started sleeping each other while I had broken up with my boyfriend, but he is still with his girlfriend currently.

1:02:13 Drew Why?

1:02:13 Caller This has been going on for a whole month.

1:02:15 Drew Why? Why is he still with his girlfriend?

1:02:17 Caller Why is he with his girlfriend? I don't know. I don't know. He says that she's a really cool chick. She's, you know, the kind of girl that he likes down for whatever, just a lot of fun and whatnot.

1:02:31 Drew We have some friends. So here is sort of the interpretation. You're sort of the good enough for now girl, and she's the one he really likes.

1:02:40 Caller I sort of like the other woman when she's not around.

1:02:42 Drew No, no, no. You're not even the other woman. You're just sort of good for now. He's making it clear to you that she's the one. Right. And that's that. Guys don't come around from that kind of thing very easily.

1:02:56 Caller I don't know.

1:02:57 Caller Like it's really hard for me. Like he will hang out with my family, sit down and have dinner. Like I have him over all the time.

1:03:04 Drew No.

1:03:05 Caller Oh, Adam. Not much.

1:03:06 Drew Rebecca's in trouble here.

1:03:07 Caller More than anything, I just want to be friends with him. And it's not...

1:03:12 Drew No, you don't. No, you don't. Don't do that crap.

1:03:15 Adam Her birthdays are so close.

1:03:17 Caller He's one of my longest friends that I've ever had.

1:03:19 Drew I know, but you've spoiled that, unfortunately.

1:03:21 Adam You're in love with a guy.

1:03:22 Drew Yeah, that's over.

1:03:23 Adam It drives you nuts.

1:03:24 Drew Or you may have a friendship later, but not now.

1:03:26 Adam Yeah, you're in love with a guy and he could sort of take you or leave you. And that's a horrible pill to swallow.

1:03:35 Drew Especially when there also is a friendship. And I'm sure he does value you as a friend, but only as a friend.

1:03:40 Adam Yeah. So what's your plan, Rebecca?

1:03:46 Caller I don't know. I just, sometimes I feel like I don't know what's going on. Like I don't plan on anything with him. Like we had an understanding from the beginning that this started happening, that it was just that we knew each other very well. We cared about each other. We knew where each other had been.

1:04:03 Drew Rebecca, Rebecca, Rebecca, here's the deal. I can feel you rejecting what we're telling you. Yes. And not only that, you're being very explicit that the relationship was. Based on his parameters, his parameters at Rebecca. Hang on, Rebecca, Rebecca. Listen to us, please. That his parameters were, this is not going to be a relationship. I'm not going to get romantically involved. And he has been as good as his word. And so for you to say things like, I don't know what's going on here is just denial and obfuscation. It's you trying to defend against the reality. The reality is he has been clear with you. This is not a romantic relationship. It is not a romantic relationship. And you better pull out. You better get away from this because it's going to hurt.

1:04:50 Adam Now, it's probably too late for that.

1:04:52 Drew Well, but the long way from the hurt part. Yeah. I mean, the long way it's a more destructive.

1:04:57 Adam And here's the thing, Rebecca. And please be honest. If he wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend, you marry you. You guys would be boyfriend and girlfriend in a heartbeat instantly. Okay.

1:05:09 Drew He doesn't want that.

1:05:10 Adam And he's not going to get to that point and you do want that and you won't admit it.

1:05:14 Caller And it's going to it's going to break your heart that I want it like, I'm still young. I don't want to get married at this point and we have, you know, we both don't want to get married at this point. But it's kind of like you would like him to be boyfriend and Rebecca, Rebecca.

1:05:29 Drew We're not even talking about marriage.

1:05:30 Adam We're just going to be his boy. You would like to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Just go do whatever you want then and stop bothering us, you 21 year old know it all from where the hell is she from?

1:05:52 Drew She is so defended.

1:05:54 Adam I know. Listen, all you screwball chicks out there that are on your sort of sexual maintenance program with your so-called friends and you're all up in your head. And no, I don't want, I've never spoke to one of you that didn't want more. You want more. That's why you're calling. You're heartbroken that this guy's not going to dump his girlfriend and be with you.

1:06:12 Drew And you can't believe that because he has sex with you, he doesn't share the same experience or feelings when you're having sex. He doesn't. He doesn't. That's the fact. He is having sex, period. And men can do that. They can just have sex and they're very happy with that.

1:06:26 Adam Yes.

1:06:27 Drew They're delighted that you to provide that for them, but that doesn't mean they have any other heavier feelings and this guy is being exquisitely honest and clear with you.

1:06:34 Adam Right. And you're trying to talk yourself into the same feelings that he has and you don't.

1:06:41 Drew You're a different place. It ain't going to work. He's not.

1:06:44 Adam You're in a different place. It's called being a woman.

1:06:47 Drew Yeah. The next level is, well, then he's going to come around to where I am because how could he possibly not?

1:06:51 Adam Right.

1:06:52 Drew No. No. Guys don't do that. They don't do that.

1:06:55 Adam And you don't want to jeopardize the friendship.

1:06:57 Drew Oh, please.

1:06:57 Adam Forget about that. You're in love with the guy. If you didn't want to jeopardize the friendship, you wouldn't have had sex with him in the first place. And by the way, I love the fact that these people are like, yeah, he's my dearest, oldest, best friend. We have amazing sex. Oh, I'm not in love with him.

1:07:15 Drew Yeah.

1:07:16 Adam Really? He's the world's greatest guy. He's your oldest friend. And you're having a...

1:07:21 Drew I can't live without him...

1:07:22 Adam .gobs of intercourse with him. But you don't want to be boyfriend and girlfriend with the guy? No. That... You're dying to. It breaks your heart that you're not. And you just need to admit it. So what are you going to do? You got to stop having sex with the guy.

1:07:35 Drew You got to pull out for a while. Be away from the guy for a while. Start having a relationship with somebody who actually does reciprocate your feelings. Now, if you come from a weird family history where dad never was available for you and you need to be in that longing state, sort of the Terry... What's the Carrie Bradshaw condition in Sex and the City where the unavailable guy is the most alluring romantic thing on earth? That's sick. That needs help.

1:07:59 Adam And look, don't call us and try to convince us of your BS. Call your stupid friends and work on them. They'll believe you.

1:08:06 Drew They will.

1:08:06 Adam Yeah, because they'll go, but we've been friends.

1:08:09 Drew Call other radio shows too. They'll buy it.

1:08:11 Adam Yeah. Talk to them. Don't bother us. I got bigger fish to fry. I got to fart up the studio. I got to watch myself with no sound on TV. I got stuff to do here, Drew. Oh, it's game on. It is game on. Chris, what's going on? Ten bucks an hour. You should be getting hazardous duty pay tonight. Now, when I say duty, I mean duty. Get it, Drew. Duty.

1:08:37 You said duty.

1:08:37 Adam I said duty. All right. Let's clear out of here.

1:08:40 Yeah, please.

1:08:40 Adam I'm sickening my own self. I will take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:08:46 Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:09:17 Adam I got cast in. I don't know. I gotta apologize to Chris and me.

1:09:26 What did you have for dinner tonight?

1:09:32 Drew Andurines and Vicodin.

1:09:33 Adam I had Vicodin and nectarines.

1:09:36 Drew Nectarines, I beg your pardon.

1:09:38 Adam Yeah, I had some cereal. I had pasta fazool made by Quaker Oats called the gas and dates. It's raisins, dates and gas. Nice. Yeah, it's awesome. And I think that you can get them with cranberry pieces now.

1:09:54 Drew Oh, yeah, well, this seems to be emerging.

1:09:56 Adam It's great, yeah.

1:09:57 Drew The pieces are coming back.

1:09:58 Adam All right, let's.

1:09:59 Drew Oh my God.

1:10:00 Adam Oh my God. Let's focus on the show, Drew. Let's focus now. We got the computer fixed up now. I can tell you that right now. Yeah, all right. So I'm just gonna move forward here.

1:10:12 Drew I've marked a call there for you.

1:10:14 Adam We got Heidi over here. Wants to be a professional porn star. Let's talk to her. Heidi? 23? What's happening?

1:10:23 Caller So I wanna know, Dr. Drew, what's your opinion on women that wanna become into pornography or exotic dancing?

1:10:36 Drew It's, in every woman I've ever spoken to with that intention, there's a trauma history.

1:10:45 Caller Are you there?

1:10:46 Drew Yeah, we're here. Every woman I've ever dealt with that has had that impulse, there's always a trauma history and an acting out sort of component to what they're doing. So, you know, there you go. Yeah, and that's what these sort of extreme behaviors are called for, that trauma. No, quite the contrary. It's a way of getting locked in and re-traumatizing yourself.

1:11:16 Adam What are you doing now?

1:11:20 Drew Yeah, it'd be great for your kid, too, to have you in that industry. But be that as it may, it's amazing the way, once you've been traumatized, the impulse is, what feels good, what you're sort of drawn to is behavior that is really a reenactment of the trauma. Those are the behaviors that look more appealing to you.

1:11:39 Adam So, yeah, hold on a second. Hold on a second. How old is your child?

1:11:45 Caller Two and three.

1:11:47 Drew Two children.

1:11:48 Adam Two children.

1:11:49 Drew Yeah, isn't...

1:11:51 Adam Are you married?

1:11:52 Caller Yeah, and my husband, he's been really into pornography and pornography and last year he noticed that I was into the girls more than the guys.

1:12:05 Adam Why don't you do me a favor? Do me a favor, Heidi. Yeah, with the kids. Why don't you do me a favor? Why don't you pack them into one of those potato cannons and just fire them toward the closest farm field, maybe the land in the barn of like a good-natured farmer so they can have a choice instead of you two idiots raising them.

1:12:29 Drew Just a goat or something could.

1:12:32 Adam Yeah, yeah, there's livestock that have nurturing components to them, Drew. I think pigs are actually pretty good that way. They might raise the child as their own. Are you two retards thinking about crapping out another kid or screwing up the two you got enough?

1:12:49 Caller Okay, that's all I needed to hear from you, sweetie.

1:12:52 Adam Thanks.

1:12:53 Caller You don't need to rap on me.

1:12:55 Adam Please focus on your kids.

1:12:56 Caller I focus on myself and I am an excellent mother.

1:13:00 Drew Well, if you were excellent, you would not be considering the behavior you're considering.

1:13:07 Caller But isn't it normal to have those kinds of feelings?

1:13:12 Drew Abnormal, no. If you want to put a word to it, abnormal would be a good way to describe it.

1:13:16 Adam Get some therapy and focus on your kids and I don't trust your husband either. What's he do? Something with metal. Tow truck perhaps? What's he do?

1:13:25 Caller Wood.

1:13:25 Adam Uh-oh, what's he do?

1:13:27 Caller I think he's cheating.

1:13:29 Adam What does he do?

1:13:31 Caller I think he's trying to lure women home.

1:13:34 Adam What does he do for a living?

1:13:37 Caller He's a construction.

1:13:38 Adam That's trouble, that's trouble, all right.

1:13:42 Caller And a really pretty blonde said something to him off the balcony last week and I got a really itky feeling and I think women really have those those tuitions inside them. Yeah, but I do feel like I've I've been pushed into that direction more than than it's comfortable for me.

1:14:06 Drew All right, well listen then stay.

1:14:08 Caller What should I do with him?

1:14:10 Caller Okay, look, knock it off.

1:14:12 Adam Okay, hold on a second.

1:14:13 Caller Treat me like a human being.

1:14:14 Adam All right, shut up. Okay, here's the thing.

1:14:17 Drew Now I know you're an abuser.

1:14:19 Caller I like that.

1:14:20 Drew When Adam starts becoming abusive.

1:14:22 Adam Well, first off, you're abused. So whoever you're with, you're going to decide that they're abusing you, whether they're abusing you or not. There's going to be trouble. He was what? I rarely say this, but can you two find Jesus Christ?

1:14:45 Caller No.

1:14:46 Adam Once in a while, the sort of fantasy of the guy with the sandals in the sky can work out for people that are sort of on the edge. It's either this or it's prison or the methadone clinic. You know what I'm saying?

1:15:00 Caller I don't know if I could go that way again because I had to be with church three days a week out of my childhood the whole time I was being abused.

1:15:14 Adam Well, Heidi, how about you, on behalf of your children, please try to create a stable home and environment for them.

1:15:26 Drew First off, you're very young.

1:15:30 Adam You're 23. There's a good chance you're going to have a couple more kids. Could you not do that? Are you using any form of birth control?

1:15:37 Caller Oh, I've been fixed.

1:15:39 Adam Oh, really?

1:15:40 Caller Yes.

1:15:41 Adam That's good. We're going to send you out a windbreaker. Yes, and try not to get into it with your husband construction worker.

1:15:50 Caller Yeah, I just, you know, I really wanted to please him.

1:15:52 Drew No, no. He needs to be contained too. No threesomes, no nothing like that. It's all bad. It's all reenactment of the trauma. Just because he's controlling and jealous doesn't mean he loves you. Because he's aggressive doesn't mean it's protective and can help you. That's all sort of the flip side of the same coin that you're dealing with. You freeze when you're threatened. He becomes aggressive. Serious problem. Get some help with all this. This is all very serious stuff.

1:16:16 Adam There's no zero, by the way. I'm sure her kids are, oh, they're going to grow up in a great environment. There's nothing we want to do about this as a society. Just people that were horribly abused, spitting out kids and then horribly abusing the kids. By the way, labeling themselves great mothers. Yeah. Along the way. There's nothing, it's only laptop computer theft at the airport and secondhand smoke we can focus on. We do a fair amount of stuff that involves like prenatal care, telling, I don't know if the word's out yet, but you shouldn't be smoking or drinking. Have you heard about that as a doctor, Drew? By the way, what would you rather? Your children be raised by these two yahoos in the one bedroom dump that they're living in or have mom smoke a couple of cigarettes and have a couple of pops while she was pregnant with the kid?

1:17:13 Drew Good point.

1:17:14 Adam Yeah, I would reckon that most of presidents we've had thus far, moms had a couple of belts and a couple of butts while the kid, the next pres was inside of them. What would you rather, that or grow up having a kid...

1:17:31 Drew Hiding and having...

1:17:32 Adam Having mom and dad have a threesome in the next room in a paper thin walled condo? You know what I'm saying? Zero focus on that? Don't want to get into that at all? No, hey, if you're abused... How about we start finding the people that did come from the abusive environments? See if we can get them a little help, see if we can get them a little focus, see if we can steer them away from some of the troubles, some of the abusive relationships that we know they're going to have in the future. Nothing, no resources. We couldn't save a few bucks if we worked that angle. And by the way, these kids, you think they're going to be paying taxes? Jesus Christ. It drives me nuts. I don't understand what we focus on in this country, and I don't understand the attention that's given certain things. And then the other things we're completely blind to. All right, Drew, that's all we get out of use of.

1:18:28 Drew I'm just thinking, I wonder what the solution is on a mass scale. Maybe it is religion or something.

1:18:34 Adam But she was being gooseed by, you know, Father McFinger blast. I mean, those idiots don't, it never solved anything either. Once in a while, I mean, here's what you do with religion. Once in a while, you got to take people that are just, you know, these are just gang bangers. They're going to stab people. You let them find Jesus Christ. Basically, look, you go, look, there's an imaginary guy with sandals. He's going to punish you. He watches you all the time. He's like a parole officer with a beard and sandals. So if you do anything wrong, he's going to get you into trouble. So those people, they need the fantasy. You know, it's good for them. It's good for the idiots. All right. Let's talk to...

1:19:22 Drew Christina.

1:19:22 Adam Christina, who's 24. What's happening? What's happening, Christina? What's happening, baby doll?

1:19:32 Caller Sorry, that's my buzz still.

1:19:34 Caller I have a little problem. I'm actually just driving back from Vegas. And last night, yeah, Saturday, we went to a club and I ended up going to these two guys' rooms. And we had sex. And I don't remember whether we used the condom or not. And I wanted to know what were the chances of getting pregnant if I'm on my period.

1:20:06 Adam Well, like the ad says, the tampon stays in Vegas. What goes on? Oh, by the way, and I can't believe that Christina is driving to Vegas. Shouldn't she be on that bullet train they've been working on since I was in the 9th grade? They're putting the finishing touches on that baby, aren't they?

1:20:27 Drew Of course.

1:20:27 Caller I'm not driving.

1:20:30 Caller I'm a passenger.

1:20:34 Drew I have to drive to farming.

1:20:36 Adam And you had sex with two different guys in the same room or is this over the course of the evening?

1:20:47 Caller In the same room. We had a threesome.

1:20:49 Adam Oh, you had a threesome? No, that's all right. That's all right. I just, she just hold on a second. She's like, she's driving, driving home from Vegas. I had, that's like, I'm coming home from Vegas. How are you getting home? I'm driving. I put on 10 pounds. So I start, I start them all at 130. So it's like 130. I'm driving home from Vegas. Got you at 140 now. And I fly. Had, had sex with a guy. I met at a club. Okay. Now I got you at 150. I was on my period. We're at 165 now. Actually, there are two of the guys. Okay. We're three times. They just kept packing. It just kept ballooning up, Drew. I can't help it. I know, I know it's a... Christina? I know, but you got a little extra ass on you, yeah?

1:21:47 Caller And I got some boobies.

1:21:49 Adam Yeah, that's what we're focusing on. All right. All right. Hey, get a hand in. Break it down, because I like them boobies. All right. So, you probably won't get pregnant if in your own year period.

1:22:04 Drew Probably. It's possible, but probably not.

1:22:07 Adam Wasn't a little threesome on the period. A little bit messy?

1:22:12 Drew Dicey. What?

1:22:16 Caller I don't remember, to be honest with you, because I was a little intoxicated.

1:22:23 Adam Hold on a second. I got a picture. The maid probably walked in and did the Mother of Grace kind of like, I had a guy. Thought a hooker had been stabbed. Picture the maid walking in. I was like, holy Christ. It's like, what the hell?

1:22:48 What the hell went on here?

1:22:50 Drew Just to get the full image of this.

1:22:54 Adam I'm guessing it was off the strip. Off the strip. Christina? What joint were you in? What hotel were you in?

1:23:02 Caller We were at the Rio.

1:23:04 Yeah.

1:23:06 Adam Well, off the strip, right?

1:23:08 Yeah.

1:23:10 Caller Why? All right.

1:23:12 All right.

1:23:12 Adam So we don't think you're going to get pregnant because...

1:23:15 Drew Be more worried about an STD.

1:23:17 Adam Yeah, more worried about the STD. And now...

1:23:22 Drew Although I would still take the morning after pill. I really would. Yeah, I think it's a good idea. It's never a bad idea. Right. If you can get pregnant any time during your cycle, it's certainly much less likely during your period. But why not just get the protection?

1:23:40 Adam And who were the guys, by the way? Were they there just on vacation?

1:23:45 Caller I believe they said they were from Colorado.

1:23:49 Adam Uh-huh.

1:23:49 Caller I don't remember. I don't remember much of that night, to be honest.

1:23:55 Adam Probably best.

1:23:56 Drew A good thing?

1:23:57 Adam Probably a good thing.

1:23:58 Drew This was a good thing?

1:23:59 Adam Are you okay with the...

1:24:00 Drew The whole experience?

1:24:02 Caller Well, I guess. I have no complaints.

1:24:06 Adam No complaints. All right, baby doll. Just take it easy. Ten and two o'clock. Don't drive... Hey, when you drive through Baker, pull over at that bun boy and grab me a burger, would you? Just one burger?

1:24:21 Drew They've got that... They've got the bun boy there. They can get it out, though, at the... The biggest internet you've ever seen in your life. All right.

1:24:27 Adam Now, I got the home of the world's biggest demand there. Stick with numbers on it.

1:24:33 Drew With this little sign with lights on it.

1:24:35 Adam Yeah. It's really home of... And by the way, I don't think inanimate objects can have a home. As otherwise...

1:24:45 Drew Or it may be the birthplace.

1:24:46 Adam Otherwise, your home would be the home of your home. Wouldn't your home be the home of your home? Yeah. Like Drew's home? My home's home. It's the home of his home.

1:24:54 Drew It's my home's home.

1:24:57 Adam Yeah. It could be the place of the biggest thermometer, not the home of. I don't like that home of. Yeah. And like I said, stick with numbers. That's not... Are you kidding with that thermometer? All right. Oh, boy. That's a party, by the way, up there. Got a big gal. You see, women with the big ass, too, they go right for the jugs, too. It's like, yeah, you got a big ass. Big jugs go right for the jugs. Oh, those cowboys. They probably got in, probably, probably got in a little bit over their head.

1:25:27 Drew So to speak.

1:25:28 Adam Yeah. I got to believe there was a little minibar raping going on, too. It was like once once they realized she was on the rag, it was like, Bob, open the minibar. Oh, that's 13 bucks for that. Yeah. Don't worry about it. But no, no, don't take time to unscrew the cap. Just bust it open. You're gonna need a little shot of that. All right, let's go. I'm going in. That's a party. Let's take a break, Drew. We'll take a they're going to finish that bullet train, by the way, from LA to Vegas any any day now. Any minute. Any minute, I mean, they're probably I don't know where the Golden Spike's got to be going in somewhere somewhere out in the dead somewhere around Edwards Air Force Base is going any any minute now they're going to finish that thing. They've been it's been on the no probably done. It'll be done done by the time the show's over. I will take a quick break. We'll be right back. Drew, what are women most attracted to?

1:26:31 Caller Confident guys.

1:26:32 Adam That's right. You can't buy that confidence. At least you couldn't until now.

1:26:35 Drew What do we got?

1:26:36 Adam You got Axe Deodorant Body Spray.

1:26:38 Drew Oh my God.

1:26:39 Adam Spray that on. It's like slathering on the confidence. Hey, everybody, Loveline and Adam. Back to the phones we go. Gotta help the kids, Drew.

1:26:58 Caller Yeah.

1:26:59 Adam You ready to rock?

1:27:00 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:27:00 Adam All right. Let's speak to Robin, who's 21. Robin.

1:27:09 Hey, yeah, I have a question. I need your guys' help. Can you hear me?

1:27:17 Drew Yeah, yeah, we got you.

1:27:24 My boyfriend's much older than I am and I've had more sexual experiences than he has. And it's like trying to get him to be more creative and want to be outside of the bedroom.

1:27:37 Adam Hold on, Drew Fart.

1:27:41 Drew No, I did not.

1:27:44 Adam All right. So you're 21.

1:27:47 Drew He's 34. She's been around more and she's interested in continuing to be more experimental.

1:27:52 Well, I'm not sure exactly more, but just more liberating experiences than he has.

1:27:56 Drew Such as what? What are you looking for? What are you looking for?

1:28:02 I'm looking to move outside of the bedroom. And be a little more creative. He's a very intelligent, creative guy, but it just seems like, I mean, he's a great lover, but we want to kind of, I want to move outside of the bedroom.

1:28:18 Drew Is there anything else in life where you say, he's a great fill in the blank, but? No. It just doesn't, the but, the qualifier means it's not great. Well, let me.

1:28:28 The but is, I want it to be more exciting. Okay, well. Good, but predictable.

1:28:36 Adam Quiet down, crazy. Oh boy, Robin's a little nutty, by the way. I put on hold. So here's the thing. There's a few reasons why guys don't wanna do this. Yes. Sometimes they don't wanna do it because if a woman is more experienced than they are. And it's like they're showing off. It's like, it's like, it's somehow.

1:28:59 Drew It's threatening the guy.

1:29:00 Adam Somehow you've said, we're a couple, and you've said, oh, I've traveled the world 10 times over. And I've said, oh, I've never been out outside of North Hollywood. And you said, well, let's go to Paris. I'd be like, no, I don't want to go there. It's sour grapes. I'm angry that I haven't been around like you.

1:29:16 Drew So it feels demeaning.

1:29:18 Adam It is somehow underscoring my inexperience. There's that aspect of it. Number two aspect is, look, we don't care. We want to get our rocks off. I don't want the neighbor watering the lawn and looking at me through the kitchen window. I want to focus and get my rocks off.

1:29:36 Drew And yet though a guy will kind of go, all right, whatever, wherever, if they have to.

1:29:40 Adam Number three, sometimes a chick feels a little nutty and the guy feels like, I do this, next thing you know, I'm gonna have a mop handle on my ass. Like, this is slippery slope here.

1:29:51 Drew Yeah, is there others?

1:29:52 Adam No.

1:29:52 Drew Well, let me put a positive spin on it. Sometimes guys get into their sort of sexual wheelhouse. It's a certain position, a certain room, a certain feeling, a certain time, a certain everything. And that's it, that's right where they want to be. And to take us out of that is like, not only just a pain in the ass, it's not good. We want to be right, and once you get the hot foot Sunday with the cherry on top and everything, that's it, it doesn't get boring, that's perfect. And guys don't have that, oh, I need more excitement, I need more variety, the guys don't need that.

1:30:23 Adam Well, we need to hump someone else, but we don't need to do it in another part of the house.

1:30:26 Drew Not with the same person.

1:30:27 Adam We don't need another room, we need another vagina.

1:30:30 Drew Yeah, that's true.

1:30:31 Adam Robin?

1:30:33 Caller Yeah.

1:30:34 Adam Now, if you told them you'd like to move it outside of the bedroom.

1:30:38 Caller Have I told them? No, in a way I'm sort of just not that assertive when it comes to, Yeah, well. Because like you said, I don't want him to feel like.

1:30:50 Adam Why don't you bring it up and I bet he'll go along with it and it's no big deal.

1:30:54 Drew Guys generally like women to initiate stuff as long as it's done not in a sort of excessively aggressive way.

1:30:59 Adam And as Drew brought up, guys get into their sort of comfort zone and that's about it.

1:31:05 Drew And for some guys, it's even more than a comfort zone. It's just exactly what they want. It's a good thing, but it's exactly what they want. And you pull them out of that, it's like, oh, that's not really what I want, but okay.

1:31:15 Adam You know, I'll tell you, I was just thinking about it. I wonder if guys have that more so than women genetically. Like for instance, guys will have their restaurant, especially old guys. They'll eat at an Italian place. They'll eat there for 28 years. You know, it's just the same place every Sunday night. They'll have hangouts. Well, they'll just be, I don't think, you know, women move around, which is a weird thing. You know, women don't have the restaurant. They have places they enjoy. Guys, especially, you start talking about back East, you start talking about old school or whatever. They just have their place. That's what they eat.

1:31:51 Drew It's almost like a territorial kind of a quality to it. It's just, this is my thing. I'm king of my domain in this context.

1:31:59 Adam You don't find women who have the restaurant that they ate at for 30 years. They went with their husband to the restaurant their husband ate at for 30 years, possibly. Guys have their digs that way. And you might tell them, oh, now listen, the lasagna across towns are better.

1:32:15 Drew Well, but a big piece of that. Yes, not interested, but a big piece that is not just the inanimate stuff and the food, it's who's there. The interpersonal, and women need more diversity in their interpersonal lives.

1:32:26 Adam Right, so you can move them out the bedroom into the hall. You just tell them, we'll be back after this.

1:32:33 Caller All right, guys, bottom line, here's the deal.

1:32:35 Caller Looking to hook up?

1:32:36 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:32:38 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:32:39 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:32:40 Caller The Dateline.

1:32:41 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:32:47 Caller Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:32:49 Adam 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:32:54 Caller This hour brought you apart by Axe.

1:32:57 Caller Experience the Axe Effect.

1:33:10 Adam Thanks Well, that's the show. Thank you all for listening. And a special thanks to producer Ann, who was shuttling pieces of paper in and out of the studio all night long because the computer was on the fritz. And tell crack engineer Chris, when I say crack, I mean he smokes crack.

1:33:29 Drew Till he plugged it in and it worked.

1:33:30 Adam I don't mean he's good, I mean he's on crack, plugged it in and made it all better. So, until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:33:43 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Ingold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback

Sunday, July 11, 2004