Episode 1000625805890

14:15 Adam It's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is not Dr. Drew. It is Dr. Bruce Hensel, who's filling in for Dr. Drew. I believe the last night of Dr. Drew being wherever he has been.

14:30 Drew He's in an ice skating competition in Boston.

14:33 Adam Yeah, it's been a whole goddamn week. Oh, I'm gonna kill that guy. I'm having a nervous breakdown, by the way.

14:40 Nobody doing so.

14:41 Adam He's getting paid the- Oh, don't worry, Bruce.

14:43 Oh, don't worry.

14:44 Drew First of all, you can say, Gee, damn.

14:46 Adam Yeah.

14:47 Drew They don't believe you?

14:48 Adam What?

14:49 Drew They don't believe you for that?

14:50 Adam God damn?

14:50 Drew Yeah.

14:51 Adam Let me tell you how much I swear. I don't even know I said that. All right. Kathy Griffin, dear, dear, dear-

14:58 Drew Dear, old friend.

14:59 Adam Dear, dear friend, Kathy Griffin. My oldest friend in show business, how do I know? Because I knew her before I was in show business.

15:06 Drew Right.

15:06 Adam So she has to be my oldest show business friend.

15:08 Drew When you were a contractor slash carpenter, were you even licensed, Adam?

15:12 Adam That's right. You were your model slash actress.

15:14 Drew I was a runway model.

15:15 Adam Slash mattress.

15:16 Drew Au pair.

15:17 Adam And I was, yeah, she was a wet nurse model. I was a carpenter. We had a night of ecstasy.

15:25 Drew There is, in fact, your bedpost had so many notches, it was four piles of sawdust. People.

15:30 Adam That's right.

15:31 Drew That is just some of the entertainment you can get at the Irvine Improv this weekend.

15:34 Adam You go down there, you're gonna hear the bedpost joke and maybe-

15:38 Drew It's my opener and my closer.

15:39 Adam Maybe even the duvet cover and dust ruffle joke.

15:42 Drew That chunk, yeah. It's money in the bank.

15:44 Adam Kathy, by the way, if you've not seen Kathy perform in person and I've not seen Kathy perform in person, you are missing a performance.

15:53 Drew And when have you seen me perform in person?

15:55 Adam I've not seen that.

15:56 Drew I'm saying if you haven't, you're missing a performance.

15:59 Adam I'm the guy and I'm angry at myself. I've seen you on TV. Here's the thing too.

16:04 Drew Let me tell you something. If I, I'll call up four or five of my gays and I tell them that you weren't nice to me tonight and that is it. It is on.

16:11 Adam Kathy has a gay army. And by the way, anyone who knows the gays know that the one gay is good for at least 20 straight guys. I mean, it's all product and nails. They're like, they're like ninja throwing stars.

16:25 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Stronger and more, more, more being.

16:27 Adam Sharp teeth, more, more, more passion. Yeah, more passion, more passion. Why is it?

16:31 Drew Focus and a goal.

16:32 Adam Why is it an 80 pound bobcat could take down a 200 pound man? Do you see what I'm saying? It's the same thing. It's the claws, it's the passion.

16:42 Drew You don't want to go up against the gay bobcats.

16:43 Adam That's the case.

16:44 Drew No, thank you.

16:45 Adam And the Hep C threat. Let's be honest.

16:47 Drew Oh, Adam, let's not.

16:49 Adam Okay, the point is, is do you not want to get Kathy's you don't want to get gay commando for now, commando force.

16:59 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel That's right. You know, the people with hepatitis C for some reason or other are more passionate and a little crazier than a lot of other people.

17:06 Adam Really? Like your Pam Anderson's?

17:08 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Well, yeah, I don't know. Does she have Hep C?

17:10 Adam She has Hep something.

17:14 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Yeah, I don't know what it is. I don't know whether it's.

17:16 Adam She's got C, I think.

17:18 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You think she does?

17:18 Adam Well, look at the look at and.

17:22 Drew Let's go to the tape.

17:23 Adam Let's go to the tape. No, I mean, but look at the population that has Hepatitis C. These are people that oftentimes have dabbled in drugs, have had unprotected sex. They play fast, they play loose.

17:34 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You can get it other ways.

17:34 Adam You have thrill seekers.

17:35 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You can get it other ways.

17:36 Adam You can, but for the most part, it's a thrill seeking group. So if you go to a Hep C convention.

17:41 Drew I just love that Tommy Lee says that he didn't give it to Pam Anderson.

17:44 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel I think he said that. I think he said that.

17:46 Drew Let me just say that I saw Tommy Lee about two months ago and I got crabs by looking at him.

17:50 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You did.

17:51 Drew I looked at him and I had crabs all over.

17:54 Adam She got retinal cramps.

17:55 Drew Yes, very itchy.

17:58 Adam So did you, Dr. Bruce, by the way, from NBC News and the, what was the hell the document, the opposite of sex.

18:07 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel The opposite sex. The opposite of sex was a feature movie.

18:10 Adam That was a movie.

18:10 Drew Although I know that for you, a transgender person is probably the opposite of sex.

18:14 Adam Yes, the opposite sex.

18:16 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel That's a good point.

18:17 Adam Which, well, how did it do, by the way? Is it gonna get the, what the hell was it up for? The Emmy?

18:25 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel We hope, we hope. We'll see in a month or two. It did well. It's got good reviews. It's on Showtime. It's still showing on Showtime. We follow one man and one woman from the time they decide until the time they become the opposite sex. Right.

18:39 Nobody's my hero except for Jesus.

18:41 Adam Yeah, that's the subject of the movie.

18:43 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel That sounded like Renee.

18:45 Adam That is Renee.

18:46 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel That was Renee.

18:46 Adam Boys, Renee pissed off too.

18:48 Drew Renee is just in the pile of sound effects now?

18:51 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel It's amazing. We did a show with him a couple of weeks ago.

18:54 Adam That's right.

18:55 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel And Renee felt very-

18:56 Drew Him or him?

18:58 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Well, he was born biologically a female, but I always thought he was a man.

19:03 Drew But is he going to be a man named Renee?

19:05 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel He is a man named Renee. Does he know that his name is normally identified with a woman and maybe he wants to go with Frank? You can be French and be Renee and then it's a man.

19:13 Drew I would go with Frank or maybe Toby.

19:16 Adam He may want to join your army. Toby is gay. Here's the whole thing about the whole transgendered crown.

19:24 Drew They don't want to be gay. They don't want to be called gay.

19:25 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel No, sex and gender are different issues.

19:27 Drew That's right.

19:28 Adam Here's the really, you don't know what to call them and eventually you're just scared to open your mouth because they're so goddamn angry, which is the whole reason they're cutting their genitalia off in the first place. They just run around correcting people so eventually you just want to throw them out of the studio because it's like, which I did, which you can't talk to them.

19:46 Drew You threw a transgendered person mid-gender out of Adam.

19:48 Adam He was here for an hour, that's long enough.

19:51 Drew Let me tell you something, you would never cut it on Oprah for five seconds because you don't know where your inner spirit is. You don't know how to find your inner spirit. If your inner spirit bit you in the ass, you wouldn't even know what to say to him.

20:01 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Well, it obviously threatened him. It threatened him. It obviously brought out his own transgender tendencies.

20:08 Drew Although let me tell you something, he would not be a very attractive woman without a severe eyebrow wax. Severe.

20:14 Adam These two caterpillars on top of my eyes. What a disaster that would be. And the nasally drone and the Brillo head and the ingrown hairs on the neck. Could you imagine?

20:23 Drew All right, here's my question, Dr. Bruce. So I've watched the normal on HBO with the backwards R. I've watched the Oprah. Let's talk to the transgender people. I've met transgenders. Okay, I don't mean to be rude, but why is it that so many of the guys who become women look like stocky, unattractive lesbians?

20:41 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Right, that's true.

20:42 Drew There's not a lot of them that are trying to look like Pam Anderson. There's a lot of them that have like the big Billie Jean King glasses and the mullet. If you're gonna cut your penis off, you should be a hot blonde.

20:52 Adam You're like the wife from King of the Hill.

20:55 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel In the United States, that's true, but if you go to Thailand or Brazil, you cannot even tell. They call them good toys.

21:01 Adam Believe you me.

21:02 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel And you cannot tell.

21:03 Adam Even parts of Tijuana. You can get burned.

21:05 Drew I thought you were out of that life.

21:06 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You can get burned.

21:07 Adam Burn badly, badly, my friend, badly.

21:10 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel There are people who, there have been many stories. I remember a story, Paul Horning once told a story. Remember him?

21:15 Adam The golden boy?

21:16 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Remember him?

21:16 Adam The football player?

21:18 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Suppose, you know what? I better not go here.

21:22 Adam What happened?

21:25 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Oh, I don't know if it was. I just heard that he had an experience and he was in the middle of it. At which point he said, right after this is over, we have to talk.

21:32 Adam Yeah. You can get burned.

21:34 Drew So you're saying he's sensitive. He's not like a wham-bam. He wants to talk later.

21:38 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel No, that's one view.

21:39 Adam Bruce is saying, and I think we can all agree on this, that certain nationalities lend themselves to the transgendered process a little bit better than what we would think of via Caucasian personality.

21:50 Drew Have you been to Tranny Night at Tommy Tang's?

21:52 Adam No.

21:53 Drew Tranny Night at Tommy Tang's is fierce. I mean, those girls are, they turn it out. They look good.

21:58 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel They feel pretty strong. But your Adam is right. In Asian countries, the men look very feminine. They're not very hairy to begin with. And unless you look at the hands and the feet, you might not be able to tell. So you should always look at the hands and the feet.

22:10 Drew Dr. Bruce, what are the chances, I want you to be honest about this, that Adam is on the down low?

22:16 Adam You mean I was what?

22:17 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel From what I know, that he's already changed or that he's thinking of changing? On the down low.

22:21 Drew Yeah, you know that book, Brothers on the Down Low?

22:23 Adam No, I don't know that book.

22:24 Drew Okay, you know what? Somebody needs to watch Oprah.

22:25 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Educator.

22:26 Adam I'm so straight, I don't even know what that is.

22:28 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel It's that watch Oprah. She's on at four o'clock on channel seven.

22:31 Drew You watch it again at 1:05 a.m. When it comes back on.

22:35 Adam All right, we're going to the phones, what about what?

22:38 Drew Okay, there's this whole Oprah about how basically all straight guys, it turns out, get BJs from guys on the side.

22:44 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel On the side.

22:45 Drew Oh really? Like almost all of them.

22:46 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Well, Adam and I don't know any of those people.

22:49 Drew Oh, come on, they said like 90%.

22:51 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel 90%?

22:51 Drew So now I'm pretty sure my dad's on the down low. You met my dad.

22:56 Adam Yeah, I've met your dad.

22:58 Drew Okay, and he's giving you that look.

22:59 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel I've been down low with your dad.

23:02 Adam Your dad always wants to hang out with me at the Christmas party.

23:04 Drew But he's got the walker now. How does he still?

23:06 Adam How do you think he got into the walker?

23:09 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You're in your right anyway. You don't have to stand up.

23:11 Adam That's right. Yes. Yes.

23:14 Drew Everybody's on the down low?

23:15 Adam Yes, including your father.

23:17 Drew Oh, God, where is it at?

23:19 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel What about women? Why is that true just to men?

23:22 Drew I don't know. There was a whole book about it. And they said it on Oprah, so it's true.

23:25 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel If it's 90% men, I'll bet it's 96% women.

23:28 Adam Here's the whole thing about the homosexual society.

23:31 Drew Do you think President Bush is on the down low?

23:32 Adam No, he's...

23:33 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel I hope he's got something going on.

23:35 Adam No. Now, the small gay community in this country is trying to turn every straight guy gay. For some reason, it's gonna make it all right or make their life better.

23:45 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel The small gay community? The small gay community. Not that they're small, but that there aren't many of them.

23:50 Adam The percentage, yeah, from a percentage-wise is...

23:52 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel I think it's a pretty big number.

23:54 Drew What's the number? Is it 10 or 11? I keep hearing small.

23:56 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel I wouldn't be surprised if it were 20.

23:57 Drew 20?

23:58 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel I mean, how many people do we not know?

24:01 Adam Well, look, let's put it this way. If it's 20, it's still small, because 20% versus 80%.

24:06 Drew We can't go buy a dinner party at my house, because that's about 80.

24:09 Adam No, it's smaller than 20%, Bruce. It's gotta be.

24:12 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Well, if it's 10% out in the open, what does that make it for real?

24:16 Adam I don't know that it's as high as 10% out in the open.

24:19 Drew Well, who's doing these censuses?

24:20 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel I don't think there's a box to check on the census.

24:25 Adam Certainly no box. That's one thing the gay guys can't stand.

24:29 Drew Bum bum bum.

24:29 Adam Melissa?

24:31 Yes.

24:31 Adam You're 24?

24:33 Caller Yes.

24:33 Adam What's up?

24:35 Caller I had a breast reduction about two years ago. And one of them is significantly smaller than the other one. And the nipple is about half an inch closer to the middle of my chest than the left one. And I mean, it kind of bothers me, but I've had a couple of boyfriends and they've never said anything. One of my friends actually noticed when I was swimming like last week in my underwear and that kind of made me feel real self-conscious about it. I was just wondering if you knew if there was anything I could do because I talked to the surgeon about it and he said, we'll just wait and see if they fill out and change. And they haven't.

25:12 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel How long has it been since your surgery, Melissa?

25:15 Caller Two years.

25:16 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Two years.

25:19 Drew It was like, oh yeah, it'll fill out.

25:21 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Well, you know, yeah, sort of like when you try on your shoes and they tell you.

25:24 Caller He just kind of like put me off. I haven't been able to see him.

25:26 Adam All right, listen, Melissa, when he did the reduction, was there asymmetry after he did the reduction?

25:33 Caller Yes, but I went to see him about a month and a half after the surgery for my checkup. Like there's a post surgery consultation or whatever. And I mentioned both the size difference and the nipple like position. And he was like, well, I did the same thing to both of them. So let's just see if it corrects itself. And I thought that was very-

25:54 Drew Dr. Bruce, don't you dare stick up for him. Because I know you doctors are like cops. You all stick up for each other.

25:59 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel I am a journalist. I am not going to stick up for him. It sounds like he up. It sounds like he messed up. Is that simple? But you know, your question, Melissa, yes, you can get it fixed. If it bothers you, you can absolutely get it fixed. You know, shouldn't the doctor ever live the doctor?

26:15 Drew Come on, it's time to threaten the lawsuit. Let's get the good attorney, write the scary letter, get it done.

26:18 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Do you want the same doctor operating on you? My suggestion is you go to somebody else. If you're unhappy, there's no reason to stay that way.

26:25 Adam Well, also, if you want to settle this in the court of law, you got to go to another doctor because obviously you need a second opinion or third party or whatever it is. So Melissa, I put you on hold because you wouldn't shut up.

26:37 Drew Adam, that was harsh.

26:39 Adam Everybody asks questions and then talks right over the answer, tries to mean nothing.

26:43 Like in real life.

26:44 Adam You're doing it right now, Missy.

26:46 Drew You son of a, I don't know if I can say that.

26:48 Adam You can. All right, here's the point, Melissa. Go talk to another plastic surgeon or two, maybe someone who specializes in breast reduction and you'll know whether you have a case or an argument or not. Also, this asymmetry is one of these things that women get caught up into. Guys don't really notice, per se. A lot of guys notice. So it may not be as big an issue as you personally think.

27:09 Drew But if it's severe, is she saying it's a half an inch ear, one is severely smaller? And she's also saying that somebody else noticed.

27:13 Adam I mean, if her friend noticed.

27:15 Drew And swimming in their underwear, which is a whole other call.

27:17 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Which is interesting anyway, the choice between swimming naked, swimming with a bathing suit, or swimming in your underwear.

27:22 Drew Maybe she's poor.

27:23 Adam Yeah, let's try to figure out what happened. Melissa, why swimming in your underpants?

27:29 Caller I was drunk, but my underwear.

27:31 Adam All right, that's good enough. But if you're drunk, you go nude. Wait a second.

27:35 Caller No, I'm not quite that secure. But I mean, and that also- I'm self-conscious about the way they look. I know that they're not straight and they're not-

27:46 Adam Were you with guys or just your friend?

27:49 Caller No, I was with guys. I mean, he's a guy friend of mine. You're a lesbian.

27:52 Adam Oh, it was a guy friend that made that remark.

27:55 Caller Yeah.

27:56 Adam All right.

27:56 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel It doesn't sound like you should stand for this, Melissa. There's no reason why you can't get it fixed.

28:00 Adam You just go get another consultation, all right? Good time.

28:05 Drew I know, cha-ching is right.

28:06 Adam Yeah, all right, it's a big business. That's tough. That's tough when you think you're doing the skinny-dipping, but you just get the bra and panties.

28:15 Drew That's what you're talking about? Not the fact that this poor girl has to go back into surgery because some bastard botched it.

28:20 Adam That means one of the dudes has got to go down and get some more wine coolers. That's what that means. That means we need more wine coolers. Just once in a while, you get the compromise with just the panties, no bra, but bra and panties is just as good as being a bathing suit. Psychologically, you get a little extra out of it for the ride home, but in reality, not much.

28:41 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Wonder if she was so self-conscious about the asymmetry that that was one of the reasons she left her underwear on.

28:47 Drew She said so, she said she's self-conscious.

28:49 Adam Jeremy, you're 16. What's up, buddy boy?

28:53 Caller Mm-hmm. All right.

29:00 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Obviously, I have trouble talking about this.

29:02 Adam All right, Jeremy. Hello?

29:07 Yeah.

29:08 Adam What's your problem?

29:10 I have no feeling in my penis.

29:12 Drew Whoa, whoa, out the gate. First, we couldn't even find him. Now he has no feeling in his penis.

29:18 Adam Did you ever have any feeling in it?

29:21 Well, when I masturbate and whatnot, I've never orgasmed, but when my girlfriend touches me and we've had anal and oral and all sorts of fun stuff and I just can't feel it.

29:33 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You get an erection?

29:34 Oh yeah, no problem with the erection.

29:37 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel So you get the erection, but you don't have any sensation? Yeah. Have you ever had this checked out?

29:43 No. We had really good health insurance, but then we got shafted by my mom's boss and now they cover everything over $6,000 and so. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

29:54 Adam Well, listen, if you don't get any sensation from anal sex, you may be calling from the grave, buddy.

30:02 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You know, honestly speaking, though, if you really don't have sensation, obviously your nervous system is working normally because you're getting an erection, but if you really don't have any sensation, all kidding aside, you should get it checked out because there are a lot of conditions, diabetes among them, that can cause that. So, I gotta tell you, though, I'm having a little trouble believing that you have no sensation when you're enjoying it that much. I mean, have you ever noticed a difference? Did you have more sensation in the past?

30:28 No, it's, this is the first girl I've really had sex with.

30:32 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Mm-hmm.

30:34 Adam I, yeah, Jeremy.

30:37 Yeah, I look down there and I see me going in and out and I'm like, hey, this is really great. So that keeps me up, but.

30:44 Adam It should be better, I agree. I had the same, I was sort of disappointed myself. It gets built up, it gets hyped up. And then you realize, eh, you know, sex is good, but you know, it's not the real thing. You know what I'm saying, Kathy?

30:56 Drew What? Wait a minute, are you saying it's just better to masturbate?

30:59 Adam Probably, probably better just to masturbate.

31:00 Drew In the meantime, he's banging this poor girl up her butt, looking down at it and saying, oh, it's going in and out, but I can't even feel it. I'm sure she's loving it.

31:07 Adam Yeah, I'm sure.

31:08 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Well, what has she said?

31:09 Caller I love anal sex and I actually masturbate that way as well.

31:13 Adam All right, hold on. Jeremy. Yeah? First off, this sounds somewhere between marginally bogus or you just sound like an angry guy. What's up?

31:23 Well, I'm just sort of pissed off about the whole thing. You know, great girlfriend, she's beautiful, she's smart, willing to do anything in bed and I can't feel it at all.

31:33 Adam I don't know. I'm not getting it. I'm not feeling it. I'm going bogus here, Jeremy. I'm just not feeling it, buddy.

31:40 Drew You're not feeling it? What is this, the Essence Awards?

31:42 Let's go down with it.

31:43 Adam I get a feeling and I'm giving Jeremy, you got any aggressive piercings or anything like that?

31:50 Nope, no piercings, no tattoos, no that wonderful stuff.

31:54 Adam You in high school?

31:56 I graduated last year.

31:58 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel At 16?

31:58 Adam You're 16?

32:00 Caller I'm 19.

32:02 Adam Okay, now this is, now it's coming together because 16 wasn't working for me at all. You're 19, okay, the god damn board says 16. There goes the GD again. All right, so you graduate. What are you doing besides anal sex?

32:17 Caller I'm going to junior college. Yeah, I go ahead and. But they have a really good diesel technology program. And so.

32:26 Drew Is that for the genes?

32:28 Adam No, diesel. I think we're talking about fuel sources here.

32:31 Drew I really like their pants.

32:33 Adam What do you learned about diesel fuel, Jeremy?

32:35 Caller It's not diesel fuel that's next term, but engine overhaul, miking stuff out to within like 10,000th of an inch, all sorts of fun stuff like that.

32:46 Adam Miking is measuring the stuff. You're going to rebuild in the bottom end of an engine.

32:50 Drew I'm just still picturing him banging his girlfriend up the butt and looking down and going, oh, I think I'm having sex, but I can't even tell.

32:57 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Listen, bogus or not, I think if it is real, you got to get it checked out.

33:01 Drew But how come you can feel when he masturbates?

33:04 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Is that true? Can you always feel when you masturbate?

33:06 Adam Jeremy, do you have good sensation when you masturbate?

33:11 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Well, you know, there are two possibilities here. First of all, you're not, obviously the inside of a woman might not be as tight as your hand will be. That would be one reason for the sensation. But you know, another reason is there could be something psychological going on here. I mean, if you don't feel when you're with a girl, but you feel when you're with yourself, I mean, that's something else. I mean, what sort of a relationship do you have with this girl?

33:32 Drew He's on the down low.

33:33 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel There you go. You think everybody's on the down low.

33:38 Adam Hey, Jeremy. Here's the thing. Okay, I'm putting them on hold. I'm getting my Spidey sense is tingling with Jeremy. The guys that get obsessed with their penis, there's usually 99% of them or something wrong with them. It's sort of like the people that are on disability who are under 50. It's like they tell, you know, you hear their story. Oh yeah, they hurt their back at work. You realize, okay, these guys are strung out on pain meds and there's some psychological problem with them. This is the guys who focus too much on either wanting a penis enlargement or sensation or whatever. The plumbing is hooked up. The nerves are hooked up. You are disappointed by your sexual encounter with your first woman. Maybe it's the woman, maybe you set the bar too high, maybe it got built up. You're 19, maybe you heard about it for a good five years. And then it turns out, it's a little disappointing. It's what happened to me the first time I went to Knott's Berry Farm. I looked around, I went, eh.

34:32 Drew It's no Lego land.

34:33 Adam Yeah, it's no Lego land.

34:34 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You know, there's something fishy about the overall thing though, because not only does he not have sensation, but for somebody who's just starting out, it sounds like he's got a pretty adventurous sex life. So I think that something's not jiving.

34:46 Adam There's a little energy there, there's a little anger there, and there's something going on. So, Andy's in junior college, which to me, that's-

34:54 Drew We all know where that leads.

34:56 Adam Yeah, it's a, you know. Junior college either leads nowhere or to hell. Those are your choices. You went to JC?

35:04 Drew Yeah, man.

35:05 Adam Oh man.

35:06 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel JC to suddenly Susan.

35:07 Adam I'm sorry.

35:08 Drew That's right.

35:08 Adam I had no idea.

35:10 Drew One semester.

35:12 Adam Okay, but you got out. Can you talk about where? Yeah, where were you?

35:15 Drew Triton Junior College in Illinois. Triton Junior College.

35:18 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Triton.

35:19 Adam Yeah.

35:19 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel What is the Latin derivation of Triton?

35:22 Adam I went to junior college. I didn't know. Triton, isn't that Neptune's spear, something like that? That's what I meant. The tri-tip spear?

35:33 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel There is no sentence that doesn't have some double meaning.

35:36 Adam Oh, really? Down low.

35:37 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Down low, there you go.

35:38 Adam All right. We will take a break. Dr. Bruce Hensel here tonight. Also the great and dear friend, Kathy Griffin here. Gonna be at the Irvine Improv. That is Friday, performing this week in Friday, Saturday.

35:54 Drew Two shows Friday, two shows Saturday.

35:56 Adam Yes. And that is obviously in Irvine, 8.30 and 10.30 on Friday and seven and nine on Saturday. We'll take a quick break when we come back. We'll play a little Germany or Florida. It's been a while. So we'll do that after this.

36:14 Caller Hello, this is your radio.

36:35 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Kathy Griffin here tonight. Dear, dear, dear, dear friend Kathy Griffin gonna be at the Irvine Improv Friday and Saturday this weekend. Two shows, both nights. Also filling in for Dr. Drew tonight, Dr. Bruce Hensel, a long time NBC medical correspondent, now a filmmaker, and what else would you call yourself?

37:04 Drew A bon vivant?

37:07 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel It depends on your point of view, either Renaissance man or schizoid. But actually I'm an emergency physician too. I run two ERs. Century City, which closed down in its reopening in September, we hope, and San Dimas, up by Raging Waters. That's myself and my partner.

37:25 Adam Let me ask you a personal question. I've had the hernia thing going for, showed up about 10 years ago. Everyone said, don't worry about it. About four or five months ago, I decided, it's getting close now. Drew got his done. Crying like a stuck pig, by the way, for two weeks. Almost every guy.

37:46 Drew Do you really get it from lifting something heavy or is that a myth?

37:48 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel No, you can do that, but a hernia is basically a weakness in a muscle that's there since childhood. And as you get older, sometimes it gets larger.

37:57 Adam The corollas have horrible genes. My dad, if you've seen my dad in swim trunks, you realize what a mess he is. And my dad's like, no calves, all forehead. He's about the schnoz and forehead. He's about five, four. He's a mess, a mess. The horrible stock, horrible stock do I come from. It's really, it's amazing. Like, you know what I am? It's like two ugly dogs getting it on and having a puppy that's, I wouldn't call him cute, but at least he's got four legs. That's really my life. You're functional, functional.

38:29 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel I'm functional, I'm functional. Considering all that, I think you're doing pretty well.

38:33 Adam If you saw my parents, you'd give me a trophy right now. They are a mess.

38:37 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel All right, let's talk earlier.

38:38 Adam Okay, the point is, is, so I go see Drew's guy about four months ago and he gives me the, you don't have to do it this weekend, but sometime in the next six months, you ought to make an appointment. About three or four, four days ago, it starts bubbling up a little. And really what happens with the hernia is it sort of flares up a little. You literally sort of push it back down and then it goes away. You feel like an old man because they say like you feel like an old Jew because they go when you cough, put your hand down there. Someone says something funny, you go see Kathy Griffin at the Irvine Improv, you better put your hand down there.

39:16 Drew You better wear a cup or something safe.

39:17 Adam Your bowel will push through the line of your gut. So, you know, you put in your hand, whatever. Last four or five days, it's been percolating just a little bit, bubbling a little bit, pushing out. And now it's sort of a constant bulge and stuff. And I'm realizing, I think it's time to pull the trigger.

39:36 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel What's happening here is hernia in Latin means space. And what happens is you've got a weakness in the muscle and the lining of your abdomen actually pokes through when it gets larger.

39:47 Adam Right.

39:48 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel When it's just doing that, it's painful, it's unsightly, but it's not dangerous. The problem is if it pokes through and the muscle closes behind it, that's called strangulation, that can be deadly. That's why if it's staying out more often now, what you can do if that happens, you can put ice on it, that will actually reduce it. But if it's staying out more often, you gotta get it taken care of.

40:07 Adam I think my nuts will fall off if I put too much ice down there. Although I got the high one. I got the one that's above.

40:13 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Undescended.

40:14 Adam It's a great look though, by the way, when I show the fellas at the office.

40:16 Drew Just walk around holding your-

40:17 Adam You literally every few minutes or so push it sort of back in and it, yeah, you want to take a look. You want to take a look?

40:25 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Take a look.

40:26 Adam Yeah. Kathy, you can look.

40:28 Drew I didn't sign on for this.

40:30 Adam This is not, this is not gay.

40:31 Drew Next thing you know it's the ball check and then you two are on the down low.

40:34 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You see the bulge?

40:36 Adam You see Kathy, you can see it there.

40:39 Drew First of all, Adam, are those black boxers?

40:42 Adam Yeah, they are.

40:43 Drew That's not hair, right?

40:44 Adam They are. And I'm sorry, it's a little.

40:46 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel This is not easily reducible, which means that it's a little trapped. And if you, you know, probably if you lie down and we press on it, it would be a little bit easier. But I think it's time for you to take care of this.

40:58 Drew Adam, you have a huge football sticking out of your pelvis.

41:02 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel No, you do need to get. I know, I know. Now listen, I had mine done a few years ago.

41:05 Drew Thank you, by the way.

41:06 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel And you're welcome. Yes. But all kidding aside.

41:09 Drew Can they do something about his pelvis hair too? It's really excessive.

41:12 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel They will do something about that when they do the hair.

41:14 Drew I mean, it's really, it's a little.

41:16 Adam They'll get the lady back out, believe me.

41:18 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Now, you can get that done through a scope, which is less invasive. Yeah, they can do it through a scope now.

41:23 Adam Who do you got? Do you got a number? Do you got a guy?

41:26 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Probably the best guy in the country is somebody named Ed Phillips. He's at Cedars. He's one of the guys who developed the laparoscope.

41:33 Adam Oh.

41:34 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel He is involved in that too. Really?

41:35 Drew He's the number, he's like one of the biggest.

41:37 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel He doesn't spend that much money now, but he was one of the innovators, but for hernias, he's probably the number one guy in the world.

41:42 Adam All right, I'm gonna need to see.

41:43 Drew What's his name, Ed?

41:44 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Ed Phillips. Ed, call me later, I'll bill you.

41:47 Adam All right, we'll talk during the commercial break.

41:50 Drew I have one more personal medical question.

41:52 Adam Well, I'm dying over here. What's going on with you? Can you trump this?

41:55 Drew How did Anna Nicole Smith lose all that weight?

41:58 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You know, my guess would be that there were some chemicals involved. So I mean, that was a lot of weight to lose. Because I have a bottle of trim spa.

42:07 Drew I'm willing to give it a shot.

42:09 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You know, she has been up and down a few times, even though she's been up most of the time, you know, and I don't know her own personal history in terms of how she lost it, but I don't think I'd depend on chemicals because it always goes away.

42:20 Drew When is the pill coming out, doctor?

42:22 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel The pill that gets rid of it?

42:24 Drew When is the pill coming out where you can eat what you want?

42:26 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Where you can eat what you want.

42:27 Drew The eat what you want pill.

42:29 Adam And what about-

42:30 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel I mean, there is a Lester, you know, which is the stuff that these-

42:34 Drew I hear these wonderful stories about women that have wild chips and then have the craps for a while.

42:38 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Not me.

42:39 Drew Nothing moves me.

42:40 Adam What about the Cortisolim, this new one I'm hearing?

42:44 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Well, that's a new item.

42:45 Adam Oh, you've heard that advertised. I don't know.

42:48 Drew Is that the one that's $150 a bottle?

42:51 Adam They don't tell you what the price is, so I'm guessing it's a lot.

42:54 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel See, my problem with these chemicals is that what it does is either increase your metabolism or keep you from absorbing fat. Now, if you don't absorb fat, you're gonna lose some vitamins as well.

43:05 Drew Both of those things sound fantastic, and I don't care about vitamins.

43:08 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You don't care about vitamins.

43:09 Drew You're thin.

43:10 Adam You are thin. What are you talking about?

43:13 Drew I want a pill with a trace of heroin in it.

43:16 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Trace of heroin.

43:17 Drew That makes a lot of sense. No, you have to admit, though, that if you, it does?

43:21 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Yeah, sure.

43:21 Drew Oh no, what do I have to take?

43:23 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Along with the heroin?

43:24 Drew Yeah.

43:25 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Some speed, probably.

43:26 Drew That makes me jittery.

43:28 Adam Kathy, you're funny and you're married. You can get as fat as you want.

43:33 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You know what I mean?

43:33 Drew Do you think Matt's on the down low?

43:35 Adam You're a man? Yeah. Yeah, I've been with Matt as well. Yeah, I've been on the down low with your husband.

43:40 Drew Well, I'm going to Krispy Kreme after this and screw both of you.

43:43 Adam Who cares?

43:44 Drew You and your crazy lumpy stomach.

43:46 Adam I've been with your father and your husband.

43:49 Drew You're deformed, they're hairy lumps.

43:51 Adam How do you think I got this way? Do you understand? I give too much sex away.

43:56 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Why do you have some issues though, haven't you, that you've talked about?

44:00 Drew I did, I had a lipo mishap. So I'm not a lipo fan, I gotta tell you. Not a lipo fan. Didn't work.

44:06 Adam It didn't work.

44:06 Drew Didn't work.

44:07 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Do you want me to examine you?

44:08 Drew But I have a theory, yes. But I have a theory that if you marketed a pill and you said to women, by the way, it will make you terminally ill and you'll die in 10 years, but you'll be really thin and look like Jennifer Aniston, they would buy it.

44:18 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Yeah, well.

44:19 Drew There's nothing women won't do for that magic pill.

44:22 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Jennifer's worked pretty hard to get her body. Jennifer was not always thin.

44:25 Drew She can't be happy.

44:25 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel She can't be happy.

44:27 Adam Yeah, anyone who knew her in high school knew she was a train wreck.

44:31 Drew I know, I like when they show those high school pictures of her like she was a big nerd. She was hot in high school, she's hot now.

44:36 Adam Yeah, and by the way, everybody looked bad in 1986 if you're in 2004. If you go back to 1986 and all the hair and the fashion and everything, you looked great. That's what everyone does that they go, she looks better now than she did when she was 20. Well, not if you were 20 when she was 20.

44:56 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel That's called a lie. Have you ever looked at computer dating? The interesting thing about that is that people manage to take a picture at the one moment in time that they're good looking. You meet them on the computer. The one moment in time in 1978 when they were good looking and thin. And that's what goes on the computer.

45:16 Adam Yeah, I always think, by the way, when a celebrity dies, just go ahead and show their best head shot.

45:22 Drew Right, you don't have to show the one of them leaving the Starbucks with no makeup on. Let's get a nice one.

45:29 Adam When Hume Cronin dies, I don't need to see a picture of the 93-year-old Hume Cronin. Show the great look at one from 1943.

45:38 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Right, why not? Like with Reagan, it should have been bedtime.

45:40 Adam For Bonzo.

45:41 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel That was the moment in time he looked best.

45:44 Adam Pull the guys' bed.

45:45 Drew And Ron too, by the way.

45:47 Adam Kathy, God forbid anything goes wrong, pull your best head shot, put it on there.

45:52 Drew That's right, maybe a still from one of my old Seinfelds.

45:54 Adam Let the nation begin the morning and let the gay army, who was gonna be screaming, take me and throwing themselves toward the grave.

46:01 Drew They're gonna be like old fat Italian women throwing themselves right in the.

46:04 Adam All right, let's play Germany or Florida. This game is sweeping the nation.

46:11 Germany or Florida!

46:15 Adam That's one of our theme songs. Go ahead, Dean, and here's how the game works. All bizarre stories, the occult, the macabre, all from either Germany or Florida. You tell us the story, we tell you. Is it Germany or Florida? Go ahead, Dean.

46:30 Caller All right. Hey, what's up, Kathy? A student was mouthing off in class, in art class, and the art teacher said, if you keep talking, I'll put you in the kiln. And the kid was a Jew. The family sued, and the teacher was eventually fired.

46:48 Adam Well, since there's no Jews in Florida who are under 85, and Germany has a rich history with kilning Jews, I'm going to say Germany, but this could be a twister one. You see what I'm saying?

47:03 Drew Sounds like Germany.

47:05 Adam Sounds like Germany. What do you think, Bruce?

47:06 Drew Also, I don't know if you'd even be arrested for it in Florida, frankly.

47:09 It is illegal in Germany to do that.

47:11 Adam Yeah.

47:11 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel But you know, Florida, it's hot in Florida, and there are a lot of Jewish people. I'm going to Florida.

47:18 Drew All right. I'm going to go for Germany even though I know it's obvious.

47:21 Adam I'm going to Florida just on the twist. I think you're trying to fool us. Dean, Germany or Florida?

47:26 Caller Adam, you rock. This is Florida.

47:29 Adam Yeah.

47:30 Drew Darn it. This is on the downloader.

47:32 Adam Strike one up for the boys. All right, Dean. We're not going to send you out of Windbreaker.

47:37 Caller Good time.

47:39 Drew Does he want to come to see me at the Irvine Improv?

47:41 Adam He's calling from Maryland. And he's 15.

47:45 Caller Oh, that's not for him.

47:46 Adam You know how many times you have to top off your moped to get it from Maryland to Irvine?

47:52 Drew I know. I understand.

47:53 Adam All right. Let's see. Let's talk to Crystal, who's 20. Crystal? Yeah. You just had a baby? C-section.

48:05 Drew Thursday? Congratulations.

48:08 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel How are you feeling?

48:10 Pretty good, considering I was cut.

48:13 Adam Now, you had a C-section.

48:15 Mm-hmm.

48:16 Adam And it used to be they would do a lot of it, I guess, for insurance purposes, but then they seemed to have cut back on it a little. But I would think a 20-year-old woman wouldn't need one.

48:26 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Well, you know, there are issues. I mean, there are reasons. You're right about that. In the old days, a lot of doctors were doing C-sections. There were some issues about whether or not they were doing it because they got more money. The upside of a C-section is the woman thinks it's easier for her. Downside is they're more danger because you have anesthesia.

48:43 Right.

48:43 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You know, obviously. Why did they tell you that you needed it?

48:46 They thought he was going to be a 10-pound baby. And he was getting really big and he turned out to be 9 pounds 6 ounces.

48:54 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel That's pretty close.

48:55 Yeah.

48:56 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel But you know, I mean, you can still deliver a 9 pounds 6 ounce or if he's facing the right way. What? Depending upon your pelvis.

49:02 Drew Who the hell wants to? Good God, put me under. I'll call you tomorrow.

49:06 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel But there is that danger to it. It sounds easier, but you know, anesthesia.

49:09 Caller Well, how long are you under?

49:11 Drew I'm sorry?

49:11 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Half an hour? 45 minutes?

49:13 Drew Oh, that's nothing. I've been under eight hours.

49:16 Adam What the, really?

49:17 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel But anesthesia is for the lipo?

49:20 Drew Yeah, for the whole shebang. That was one of the problems.

49:22 Adam Wow.

49:23 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel I don't get it.

49:23 Drew You had... I had lipo. I also had... Oh, no, no. I only had lipo that time. I had lipo in four different areas. No, that's not true. I'm exaggerating. I was under for four hours. Four hours is a long time to be under a general.

49:35 Adam 100% less than eight hours.

49:37 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You know, it's possible to do lipo without general anesthesia.

49:39 Drew I know that's a new thing now.

49:41 Adam All right, people.

49:41 Drew But I don't recommend lipo at all.

49:43 Adam Let's focus on Crystal over here. She just had a baby.

49:45 Drew She has not had any sleep, probably.

49:49 Adam All right, so you had a C-section. You gave birth to essentially a manatee at 10 pounds. I mean, that's a lot of kid.

49:58 Yeah, it is.

50:00 Adam It's a boy, good.

50:01 Yeah.

50:02 Adam Okay, because you don't need the behemoth broad running around. And now the question is.

50:13 The question is, why can't I have sex? Like what's the real reason? Like, because I don't see anything, you know.

50:20 Adam It's been four, five days, right?

50:22 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You're saying your doctors are telling you not to have sex.

50:24 Yeah, for six weeks. And that's really hard.

50:27 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Six weeks?

50:27 Yeah.

50:28 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel It sounds a little excessive to me.

50:31 Drew Even though. Hold on, hold on. Is it the boyfriend wants to have sex right away?

50:34 No, I do.

50:36 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You do?

50:36 Yeah.

50:37 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Is he willing?

50:37 I am.

50:39 Adam Is he willing?

50:40 Oh, yeah.

50:42 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Well, you know, even though you didn't deliver the vaginal way, I don't know what I can use. Even though you didn't deliver that way, you still had a lot of trauma to that area because your body is naturally expanding as you get near the birth process. And it can be really irritating. But it's a little surprising to hear six weeks.

51:02 Adam Well, a lot of doctors just sort of say, oh, well, you know, stay off of it or that's enough of that. It's the doctor's whole thing is they figure out however you got your injury, which is snowboarding, basketball, whatever they go. But it was five days ago.

51:16 Drew She can't do a little, ease into it with a little manual. She has to have something sticking in there right away.

51:23 Adam Here's the reality. This guy is your boyfriend? What's he do for a living?

51:27 Caller We work at UPS.

51:29 Adam You work at UPS?

51:30 Adam You both work at UPS? What's he do over there? Does he drive the truck? That's a decent gig. By the way, when I see the guy in the UPS truck, I realize this is capitalism at work. These guys are getting paid by the delivery. You see these guys running out of their truck. Take a look at the folks over at the DMV. You don't see any... No hustle. Anywhere. Go look at the post office folks versus the people that are getting paid per parcel. These guys fly. I mean, you see them going down alleys in reverse at like 45 miles an hour, pull the e-brakes, spinning a 30-ton van around and then flying out and running. I mean, these guys wear shorts because they have to sprint. They're leaping, picket fences, diving for porches. They're on their hustle because they're motivated.

52:18 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You got to give the executives credit for thinking of that.

52:21 Adam I swear to Christ, every time I think about like the Soviet Union and stuff, it's like, why is the market open from noon until 1.30? Why is the guy behind the counter drunk? Why does he flip you the bird? He doesn't get paid any more for being good than he does for being drunk. So you get the drunk guy behind the counter. And UPS is a great little, to me, it's a great little advertisement for the American way.

52:46 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel So he's not going to, obviously, if he's getting paid by the parcel, he's not going to want to have sex at work. Right. That would take away. But, you know, it sounds to me like six weeks is really excessive. I think this is a good time for a second opinion. Now, I don't know if there's another reason your doctor doesn't want you to have sex. And I don't mean his or her reason, but just whether there's something else going on medically. But, you know, I think you need to just ask straight out. Listen, I want to have sex now. Why can't I have sex? Why wouldn't it be good?

53:14 Adam And why don't, why aren't you kids getting married? We are. We both work. And let me just say this. Perhaps there's a supervisor or someone you can speak to over there. The UPS motto, what can Brown do for you, not, not, needs a little more thought.

53:33 Drew Yeah.

53:34 Adam It makes me think of Pooh.

53:36 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel It makes you think.

53:37 Drew But Crystal, how about using some birth control this time? Let's not not have back to back. Yeah.

53:41 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel If you can't afford to be married now, you don't want a second kid.

53:45 Caller That's right. We know that.

53:48 Adam I'm just saying.

53:49 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You sound very sweet.

53:50 Adam If I'm sitting at the table and we're pitching ideas and someone raises their hand and says, I got it, Burt, what can Brown do for you? Phil, you're fired. Hold on. Give me warm up on this coffee and don't let the door hit you on the way out.

54:03 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Honestly, that guy was brown nosing.

54:05 Adam What can Brown do?

54:06 Drew He must have delivered a lot of parcels that day. A lot of parcels.

54:09 Adam All right. That's what we're going with. What can Brown do for you? Kathy Griffin here tonight. Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear friend who's going to be Dervine Improv Friday and Saturday. Two shows, two fabulous shows, both nights, go down there and get involved with her gay army. Yeah. There are token straight guys in the gay army.

54:28 Drew We do allow straight people in. But we hope they have an open mind and they don't mind bad words and cussing.

54:34 Adam Everything's got to be open and you can't be scared to be fabulous.

54:37 Drew No.

54:38 Adam Dr. Bruce Hensel here tonight, a journalist, emergency medical physician and a correspondent and a renaissance man. We will take ourselves a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

54:54 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

54:58 Adam Guess how many terrific sense acts the odorant body spray comes in? No, it's more. No, more.

55:09 Caller Let's go.

55:22 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That is Dr. Bruce Hensel filling in for Dr. Drew. I believe Dr. Drew is back in studio tomorrow night. We shall see about that. But- He's in Beantown, enjoying himself and getting paid the same amount that I've been getting paid.

55:46 Drew Okay, you know what, Adam? This is not the time or place.

55:48 Adam I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

55:50 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel That's more than we're getting paid tonight.

55:52 Adam He will, that is true. All right, now I feel better. But I'll tell you who's gonna make it back. Kathy Griffin. When you guys go out to the Irvine Improv, this Friday and Saturday, two shows, two big shows, Friday and Saturday.

56:08 Drew Or you can check out what I'm up to over at kathygriffin.net.

56:11 Adam That's right, kathygriffin.net. Find out-

56:15 Drew A couple good celebrity pictures on there.

56:17 Adam Oh, really?

56:17 Drew There's a good one of me and Kelly and Clay, which I know makes you green with envy.

56:22 Adam I'll tell you, Clay Aiken was on Kimmel last night.

56:27 Drew I saw that bit. They showed it on Access Hollywood. It was hilarious.

56:31 Adam Yeah, they did a really funny bit, a pre-taped bit, but he was a good sport about it and everything. But the thing about it is, it's just, there's some hype that's just hype, but you don't actually know if people really, if it's just hype or does he, you know. Clay Aiken has female fans that are in their 50s and there's got to be millions of them. I mean, they're lining up.

56:56 Caller Clay mates, they're called clay mates.

56:58 Adam They monopolize the whole audience.

57:00 Drew Right, they have red t-shirts with his picture.

57:02 Caller Right.

57:03 Drew It's very culty.

57:04 Adam It's crazy. I didn't, I don't know, I'm like too old, too far removed. I didn't know what it was, but Clay Aiken has fans.

57:15 Drew And it's a very specific, bizarre fan base that, let me just say, without saying the obvious, it is not the fan base I would think he would have.

57:23 Adam No, it is a-

57:25 Drew It is not the fan base that, let's say, I have. That's all I'm gonna say.

57:28 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel So what do you think it is? What is it about him?

57:30 Drew I think there's, you know what? I think it's, he's super Christiany and he's really sweet and he's really squeaky clean. And I think he's like some way for these women to grasp onto like, I don't think it's sexual, obviously. I think it's almost like, this is who I wish my daughter would end up with or something.

57:45 Adam It is a post-menopausal, cruiserweight division of women.

57:51 Drew They're not even considering the possibility. Does it like motherly?

57:53 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Do you think it's motherly or is it?

57:55 Drew No, they have a little crush on him.

57:56 Adam They thought Liberace was straight, too. The same people, by the way.

58:00 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel These people, somebody thought that Liberace was straight.

58:02 Adam Same people in the 50s.

58:03 Drew You know what? It's the Manilow crowd.

58:04 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Anybody who thought that Liberace was straight has some sort of problem.

58:09 Adam No, it is, there's a set.

58:12 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel I like Barry Manilow.

58:13 Adam There's two types of-

58:14 Drew But not as much as middle-aged women in the 70s.

58:16 Adam Women basically can be broken into two halves. They're the ones that like sort of the dangerous guys.

58:21 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Like you and me.

58:22 Adam Yeah, we like, yeah, we're guys that rebels, like ourselves. Alfa males, lone wolves, lone wolves.

58:29 Drew Right, troubled.

58:29 Adam You know what we do? We play by our own rules. I play by my own rules so much.

58:33 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You walk around with a hernia, doesn't bother you at all.

58:35 Adam And my gut is spilling out of my groin. Does it bother me? No.

58:39 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel It bothers everybody else, but it-

58:41 Adam Doesn't bother me. And let me tell you about, I take playing by my own rules, so I take it such to heart that you try to play checkers with me, I'll grab my own piece and just hop over all your stuff and knock them over. I'll all by my own rules. Stratego, checkers, doesn't matter.

58:56 Drew You play solitary, you're all in.

58:57 Adam We play Scrabble.

58:58 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Solitary.

58:59 Adam One of my winning words would be like, ho-la-la. And he'd be like, that's not where to go. I play by my own rules. I play by my own rules. Well, that's me and Bruce. The other, okay, so we're dangerous guys. I'm very dangerous. Other women like this sort of non-threatening guys. Sweet, harmless. Sweet guys, guys they could cuddle up by the fireplace with.

59:15 Drew Right, we're gonna hurt anybody. The Osmond brothers, you know, that's what they are. Although the other thing is, I think part of Clay's appeal is, like when I was growing up, we had the Partridge family and the Osmond brothers and stuff like that. And there really aren't pop idols like that anymore. There's not, I mean, unless you're gonna go like hardcore Christian radio, there's not really the like Donny Osmond, Keith Partridge, David Cassidy.

59:36 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel I think how wrong we were though, when you look at Keith and Donny and Michael, who was a very sweet member of the Jackson family at a very young age.

59:47 Drew Yes, very innocent.

59:48 Adam The, and let's face it, the guy obviously has talent. He's got the pipes to back up whatever's, you know, his face to man. I mean, he can actually sing. Like with some of these guys, I'm being sort of paper tigers and not much behind them once they perform live. So anyway, jeez, I'm starting to fall in love with the guy.

1:00:08 Drew That's pretty dreamy.

1:00:09 Adam He really is. He's rosy, great skin, great skin. All right. We believe it or not have to take another quick break. Well, we ended up running late and we pushed up the top of the hour. Don't worry. Dr. Bruce Hensel, man's man here tonight.

1:00:23 Drew Bad boy, danger.

1:00:24 Adam He'll patch you up and then bust you down again.

1:00:27 Drew That's right.

1:00:27 Adam And then patch you up again. Dear, dear friend, Kathy Griffin here. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:00:34 Alright guys, here's the deal. You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:00:39 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:00:41 Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE. Call the Dateline.

1:01:17 Adam Buddy, it's Love Line, man! Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Drew should be in here tomorrow night after his long layoff.

1:01:28 Drew Are you gonna make Drew also feel your lump?

1:01:31 Adam Yeah.

1:01:31 Drew In fact, lump is not even enough of a word. It's a cantaloupe.

1:01:35 Adam I got something coming out of me.

1:01:38 Drew Right. Actually, it's like a mango. It's not the shape of a cantaloupe.

1:01:43 Adam Dr. Bruce Hensel here tonight filling for Drew and doing a wonderful job, I might add. Kathy Griffin, dear, dear friend, in here filling in for herself. She's gonna be at the Irvine Improv Friday and Saturday. Two shows, two big shows. A little earlier in the evening, I let Dr. Bruce examine my hernia and...

1:02:04 Drew Well, I want a pap smear.

1:02:05 Adam Not a great thing. I'll do it. Get me a ballpoint pen and a cup of black coffee.

1:02:10 Drew What?

1:02:10 Adam I'm going in.

1:02:11 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel A cup of black coffee. I guess he's gonna be in there.

1:02:14 Adam That's for me.

1:02:15 Drew All right, get him a Danish too.

1:02:17 Adam It's gonna be a long night. Chris, I need a CD jacket. Doesn't matter which band, but something from the 80s.

1:02:25 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Ballpoint pen and a black coffee.

1:02:27 Drew And a Palm Pilot.

1:02:28 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Can I do the documentary on this?

1:02:30 Adam Palm Pilot, yes. And one of those foam mic covers. Stat! You gotta start yelling stat more.

1:02:39 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Stat, okay.

1:02:40 Adam All right. And what is stat short for, by the way? Or is it like an acronym?

1:02:45 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel It's an anachronism, I don't know. It's an anachronism. And it basically is a Latin term that just means emergency. It just means emergency. So just give it to me fast. Give it to me fast.

1:02:56 Adam All right. Well, it seems to work. And what about lactate ringers and D5W or something? They're always on emergency. They always wanted some lactate ringers.

1:03:05 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You sound like you're a lactator. Excuse me.

1:03:07 Adam Lactate ringers.

1:03:09 Drew I'm just sensitive to saying the word lactate.

1:03:11 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Lactated ringers, it's just a solution. It's like Gatorade for your veins. It's got a lot of minerals in it. You're getting all that from ER, right?

1:03:18 Adam No, this is from emergency for like 25 years ago, 30 years ago.

1:03:22 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Oh yeah, from the original emergency show.

1:03:24 Adam After about the 30th episode of him screaming for the lactate ringers, I thought, hey, A-hole, why don't you bring some from the truck next time you gotta clean up the guy who got in the moped accident. You know you're gonna be yelling for it in about 30 seconds. Just go ahead and take it off the truck with you. So my hernia, what do I need to do? Should I, can I travel? Should I, you know, when do I need to, do I need to get it done? No, he shouldn't go anywhere.

1:03:48 Drew What if he's on an airplane, a burst or something? It looks like it's gonna burst.

1:03:51 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel That would be very, it's not gonna burst.

1:03:54 Drew It's gonna jump out of his pants.

1:03:55 Adam Give me a timeline with this thing.

1:03:56 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel That may happen anyway.

1:03:57 Adam You got a timeline?

1:03:58 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel If I were you, considering the fact that we can't push it down. Right. I'd see somebody this week and I'd get it operated on.

1:04:05 Adam This week, like this week?

1:04:07 Drew Is that bad for you, Adam?

1:04:08 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel I would see somebody this week.

1:04:10 Adam Uh-huh.

1:04:11 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel And then make a determination. The point is that it's not gonna happen in one second. If it gets worse, it will go down. But if it does get strangulated, if it gets trapped there.

1:04:22 Drew Dead.

1:04:22 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Then you turn into, you take a very simple elective surgery and turn it into a life-threatening emergency surgery. Right. You don't want that to happen.

1:04:32 Adam I don't wanna do that. Okay, let me write that down. Do not have emergency surgery. Do not have, but I am kind of a lone wolf type.

1:04:38 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Do not have stat surgery.

1:04:39 Drew Okay, can we please take a call and help someone else besides your lump?

1:04:41 Adam We can't, I'm just, I'm honestly wantin to know, you know, here's my point, here's my point. They want me to go play in this baseball all-star celebrity softball game in Houston.

1:04:53 Drew Who's, first of all, who else is in it?

1:04:54 Adam Next weekend, oh wait, Kimmel and then company. I played in it last year.

1:04:59 Drew Give me some names. Because that's very D-list-y. You're going to Houston for a baseball game?

1:05:04 Adam No, I'm the only D-list-er. I'm the only D-list-er.

1:05:07 Drew Houston like Hammond Bonaduce and Ryan Seacrest.

1:05:09 Adam Oh no, they don't get Bonaduce. No, his people won't let him do that. No, here's the thing. I did it last year. Every year, Major League Baseball has their all-star game and that weekend, they have a celebrity slash ex-baseball great softball game at the Saturday before the all-star game. That is not this weekend, it's the weekend after it. I'm not sure if I can go because of this thing now. I don't know if I'm going to get the surgery next week. I'd probably push it back in.

1:05:42 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel I think what I do is see somebody this week and then make a determination with them whether or not it's safe.

1:05:47 Adam All right, I'm going to get the number to your guy. Can you set me up? Can you grease those wheels?

1:05:52 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel I'll grease the wheels. We got more than one guy. You don't have to go to one person. I'm going to make a commercial for a doctor here.

1:05:58 Adam I'll get on that this week. All right, so now it's back to the phones. We go where we can, let's see, do we got a ecstasy user, can orgasm, dangerous guys on drugs, virgin orgasms very easily. Veronica.

1:06:15 Drew You know, that's so typical if that's the call you took.

1:06:17 Adam Thank you. Veronica.

1:06:18 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel He's an alpha male.

1:06:19 Adam You're 17?

1:06:20 Drew Yep.

1:06:21 Adam That's right. I play by my own rules. Did you hear? Yeah, like if I play Marco Polo, I keep my eyes open.

1:06:27 Drew She's like, whatever, I'm a virgin who orgasms really easily.

1:06:30 Adam Or. Or I could be outside of the pool and you could yell fish out of water.

1:06:34 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel It actually sounds like a very good combination to me.

1:06:36 Drew Of course it does.

1:06:37 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Sorry, of course.

1:06:37 Adam Veronica? Sorry, maybe she didn't like me playing by my own rules. Veronica?

1:06:43 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel She left us.

1:06:45 Adam See what happens. You scared her away. At least you admit it. Veronica? Ah, it breaks my heart when they, when they're.

1:06:56 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel I'm sorry.

1:06:57 Adam We really, we get a handful of people with an intact time and calling the show a year and when they hang up, it really, it really breaks my heart.

1:07:03 Drew We lost one of the good ones.

1:07:05 Adam Ah, let's see. Let's speak to Jenna. Jenna? You're 16? Great. You want to see Kathy Griffin this weekend in Irvine?

1:07:15 Caller I wish I could be in California, but unfortunately I have no money and I'm across the country.

1:07:20 Adam What, what state you're in?

1:07:22 Caller Maryland.

1:07:22 Adam Okay.

1:07:23 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You sound tired or depressed.

1:07:25 Drew Are you guys only on in Maryland? Is the show just hit the skids or what's going on?

1:07:28 Adam I just saw she was from Maryland and thought it's greasy. Sorry, baby doll.

1:07:34 Caller I'm sorry.

1:07:34 Adam Must be all the personal talk about my gut. Go ahead.

1:07:38 Caller Also just so you know, I'm still a virgin so you can be happy about that. Okay, here's the thing. When I was 14, right before I turned 15, I think I don't have it written down.

1:07:53 Drew What is going on?

1:07:54 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel This is a very emotional moment for her.

1:07:57 Drew She was asleep? She's a virgin?

1:08:00 Adam I'll explain what- Hold on a second. I'll explain what goes on. Believe it or not, there is a phone problem, which I know this sounds like the world's worst radio studio, but there's a phone problem that works, that everybody can hear the caller, except for the people in this room, and it gets cut off and it happens intermittently. And so we are the only one who can't hear it. So we seem like idiots when we're saying what and repeat it and all that stuff.

1:08:30 Drew Hasn't this like the second or third time this has happened?

1:08:31 Adam This has been going on since we've been in this studio for a year.

1:08:35 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel So the listeners hear the caller, but we don't.

1:08:38 Adam That's right. They just hear us sounding like idiots saying what. Look, what do I care? This show's gonna run itself in the ground in a couple of weeks.

1:08:48 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel A couple of weeks, right after your operation.

1:08:50 Adam Oh, when I'm gone, I take the show with me.

1:08:52 Caller Yeah, you can't hear me?

1:08:54 Adam I die on the table, so does this show. Do you understand?

1:08:57 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Now we can hear you.

1:08:58 Adam All right, so restate your problem and be prepared for it to cut off again. It'll be funny this time.

1:09:04 Caller Go ahead, Jenna. Okay, right before I turned 15, I started masturbating. And for a while, I think I was able to do it like I got a full, like a real orgasm. And then all of a sudden, and it's been this way till now, I always feel like it's like a peeing sensation and it's really strong. And then I feel like totally sexless. And that's it. And I wondered what could be wrong.

1:09:26 Adam Well, do you have the orgasm still?

1:09:28 Caller No. Do you pee? It's a really high peeing point. No.

1:09:32 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Okay, you just feel like you're gonna pee, but you don't.

1:09:35 Caller Yeah.

1:09:36 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel And that turns you off emotionally or physically something happens?

1:09:39 Caller Kind of both.

1:09:40 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Kind of both.

1:09:41 Adam It's a distraction.

1:09:43 Caller Well, I think afterwards, like I kind of feel like I want to get it, but I can't think of anything sexually. And it's sort of, it's kind of like a little bit of a bruise it feels like for a little bit. Like, so I don't want to touch it.

1:09:55 Drew Well, how long are you masturbating for?

1:09:56 Caller Two minutes, three minutes.

1:09:59 Drew All right, I thought you were going to say like an hour.

1:10:02 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel That'll hurt anybody. Let me ask you a question. Have you ever tried to drink some water and pee before you masturbated? And then you know you won't have to pee? You've peed before, so it's just, what's probably happening is, you know, obviously the organs are very close to one another, the clitoris and the urethra.

1:10:20 Adam What was that first one?

1:10:21 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Clitoris.

1:10:22 Adam Clitoris, I'm right.

1:10:24 Drew First time you heard it?

1:10:26 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel And, no, I've heard, I've heard.

1:10:27 Adam I've heard. I know, I think I had a dude, my first roommate.

1:10:33 Caller Also, I want to tell Kathy Griffin something when I'm done.

1:10:35 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Say that again?

1:10:36 Caller When I'm done, I want to tell Kathy Griffin something.

1:10:38 Adam All right, all right. Hopefully, it'll be heaping praise.

1:10:43 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You know, what's probably happening is that you're getting very sensitive down there, and actually, a lot of people right before and right after orgasming do get sensitive.

1:10:54 Adam Hold on, what was that word?

1:10:55 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel It doesn't mean orgasm. Sensitive, sensitive.

1:10:57 Adam Orgasm, oh, sensitive orgasm, all right.

1:10:59 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel What you need to do, you need to, first of all, you need to put your mind to rest. This does not mean there's anything wrong with you. That sensation is not uncommon at all. And if you have it-

1:11:10 Drew What if it's a urinary tract infection?

1:11:12 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Well, it wouldn't just be coming on when- It's not pleasant. No, absolutely not, but it wouldn't just be coming on when she's masturbating. Do you have any other symptoms? You're not going more often than usual? You're not burning when you're not masturbating?

1:11:25 Adam This is, by the way, we hear this problem a lot. And I'm wondering if, what if you gave yourself the freedom to urinate emotionally if you had to throw a couple of your, throw your brother's comforter under you or jump in the bathtub and run a little hot water, as Kathy's known to do.

1:11:44 Caller I wondered if I could do that without being on top of a toilet and I realized I can't.

1:11:50 Adam Yeah, well, let me tell you something.

1:11:52 Caller You can't make yourself not do it.

1:11:54 Adam I peed, the lion's share of places I've peed have not been, there's not been a toilet within a hundred yards. You can pee almost anywhere. You know what I mean? Just give yourself the freedom to do it. Go in the, draw yourself a nice warm bath and get in there and masturbate and give yourself the freedom. If something comes out, it comes out. So be it.

1:12:14 Caller I don't know how to do the water thing.

1:12:15 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You know, there are some.

1:12:16 Drew I could not pee in a swimming pool if there was a gun to my head.

1:12:19 Adam You're breaking my heart.

1:12:20 Drew I've tried to pee in the ocean. I can't do it.

1:12:22 Adam You can't pee.

1:12:22 Drew I cannot pee in the ocean.

1:12:24 Adam I've done two in the ocean.

1:12:25 Are you kidding me?

1:12:27 Yeah. Yeah.

1:12:29 Adam Cause you know why? Lone wolf.

1:12:31 Drew Okay, play by your own rules.

1:12:33 Adam My anus plays by its own rules.

1:12:35 Drew Apparently the Pacific Ocean can't play by its own rules.

1:12:38 Adam Well, let's face it. It all goes there anyway. I'm just cutting out the middle man.

1:12:42 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You know, the thing is that Adam is saying one thing that's important for you to hear and that is give yourself the freedom. I think what's happening is you're getting to that point and your mind is taking over. If you don't worry about what's gonna happen, you may be able to go through with it. You have to realize this is not unusual. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Give yourself the freedom to either be and if it gets very sensitive, sometimes if it gets very sensitive, if you keep going, you actually get past that point and it's even more enjoyable.

1:13:11 Adam You got to break through and so that's what I did with the booze by the way. I kept drinking and I pushed through.

1:13:18 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Does that help at all?

1:13:19 Adam Jenna.

1:13:20 Caller Yeah, yeah, I can try that.

1:13:22 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Try that. You can call us back.

1:13:23 Adam Yeah, you sound a little...

1:13:25 Caller I have to help Kathy Griffin something also.

1:13:26 Drew Oh yeah, what is it?

1:13:27 Adam No, I don't like your attitude.

1:13:28 Caller I always thought you sounded like a really nice mom whenever you were on the show.

1:13:31 Drew Like a mom?

1:13:32 Caller Like a nice mom.

1:13:34 Drew Oh, I love that. If only I liked children, which I don't. But what I do love to do is I feel that many of the young women who call on this show are, you know, like giving into, they're vulnerable and they always, a lot of them seem to have the a-hole boyfriend and they're being like talked into stuff and you know, Adam just wants all girls to get drunk and have sex and.

1:13:56 Adam Alone wolf. But Kathy, seriously.

1:14:00 Drew I am a champion of the young ladies.

1:14:02 Adam Your parents are together.

1:14:04 Drew Yes.

1:14:04 Adam They've been together for.

1:14:06 Drew 60 years. What? Six zero.

1:14:10 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel 21 year old girl has.

1:14:11 Adam Yeah, how does the man work?

1:14:13 Drew I know.

1:14:13 Adam Parents have been.

1:14:15 Drew 60 years. But my mother, as you know, is a strong black woman. And I have a little strong black woman inside me. And I hear a lot of these 16, 17 year old, 18 year old, young women calling in here. And a lot of them have just horror stories. My dad molested me. What should I say to him at Christmas? You don't go. You don't go to Christmas if dad's molested you. My boyfriend, I'm a virgin and my boyfriend wants to have anal or else he won't take me to the prom. You don't go to the prom, screw the boyfriend. You know, there's a lot of calls like that.

1:14:43 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel The people who have healthy relationships aren't up at 12 o'clock listening to Loveline.

1:14:47 Adam That's a very valid point.

1:14:50 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel But Janet, do you have a boyfriend?

1:14:52 Adam Hold on a second.

1:14:53 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Janet?

1:14:54 Caller I did, but I broke up with him.

1:14:55 Adam All right, you sound depressed by the way.

1:14:58 Caller No, I think it's like 2.30 in the morning. But I really thank you for taking my call. I hope you don't feel sad yourself.

1:15:06 Adam All right.

1:15:08 Drew Thank you, Jenna.

1:15:09 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Is there something in your voice, Adam, that made her feel that you might be sad?

1:15:14 Drew It's about time that you, Bruce, walked over there and held him.

1:15:17 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Somebody helped. Do you want me to go hold him?

1:15:21 Adam He's already cut my nuts. What do you want him to do?

1:15:23 Drew Look, you need to be nurtured, Adam.

1:15:24 Adam Thank you.

1:15:25 Drew Oh, that is so tender.

1:15:27 Adam Don't listen to her.

1:15:28 Drew Oh, God.

1:15:29 Adam Here's the point.

1:15:30 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel I was thinking of crossing over.

1:15:31 Adam Here's the point.

1:15:33 Drew Adam welled up and he won't admit it.

1:15:35 Adam Jenna.

1:15:36 Drew Something happened.

1:15:36 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel See how easy I am to control?

1:15:38 Adam Jenna over here is, there's something a little depressed about her. There's something going on.

1:15:43 Drew She's sleepy.

1:15:44 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Although it is 2.30 in the morning there. And we do get to, the other caller was all two virgins, very sleepy girls.

1:15:50 Adam All right.

1:15:50 Drew Can we talk to the ecstasy head?

1:15:52 Adam All right. The clitoris is like a melatonin or something. Or I mean the hymen. What was the clitoris used for again?

1:16:00 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Masturbation.

1:16:00 Adam Masturbation.

1:16:01 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Actually, you know, as we point out in the movies, we all start that way when we're inside of our, you don't want to hear this, do you?

1:16:08 Adam No, I don't.

1:16:09 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel We're all female. We're all chicks. We're all female until testosterone shows up.

1:16:14 Adam I know.

1:16:14 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel And then we change. Obviously, this is a very sensitive issue for Adam.

1:16:18 Adam No, I know.

1:16:19 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel But some of us become alpha males.

1:16:20 Adam There are various arguments we have in society. It's like, we always do this, but it really doesn't mean anything, you know? I mean, the guys-

1:16:29 Drew I was never a male, was I?

1:16:30 Adam The guys, no, we're all females.

1:16:32 Drew Oh, thank God.

1:16:33 Adam No, you, yeah, we all started as females.

1:16:36 Drew Oh, perfect.

1:16:37 Adam And all I'm saying is, is the guys who get the gender reassignment usually have a screw loose, for lack of a better term, and they're a little bit nutty, and the argument that we all start as women is ridiculous, obviously.

1:16:51 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel The point of the argument, though, is to show that the surgery is not as severe as you would think it was. Most people think the surgery got, it's how is it possible? It was possible.

1:17:00 Adam Oh, yeah, but although as we spoke to Dr. Alter last night, we found out that going from male to female is a smoother transition from an operation standpoint.

1:17:11 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Well, it's much easier.

1:17:12 Drew How can you manufacture a penis?

1:17:13 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel That's the whole point.

1:17:14 Adam Wait, you talk to God about that.

1:17:17 Drew Okay, my good friend Jesus?

1:17:18 Adam Yeah, yeah, it is difficult to manufacture a penis.

1:17:22 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel I mean, Renee was very unsatisfied.

1:17:25 Drew And you know that you probably want like a giant one. I'm sure no one's become a man to get a really small penis.

1:17:29 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Yeah, actually, that was the whole point of what we were talking to Renee about. Usually to get large ones, you need to take tissue from elsewhere. Doesn't feel normal. If you build it from beneath, you have the normal sensation, but it's small.

1:17:40 Adam Also, it's gotta be rough too when like you're at work and somebody goes, hey dude, what happened to your forearm? You get like a motorcycle accident? No, I used it to harvest my joint.

1:17:51 Drew Spreading the wealth.

1:17:52 Adam Yeah, and we got books in here from Dr. Alter that we popped just the other night. Chris, find that book and show-

1:18:00 Drew I wanna see some manufactured penises.

1:18:02 Adam You think you do.

1:18:02 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Oh, okay.

1:18:03 Adam You think you do.

1:18:05 Drew And I wanna see a vagina too.

1:18:06 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel I'm gonna show you my movie.

1:18:07 Adam I'd like to see one too, and I wanna talk to you about that, by the way.

1:18:10 Drew That's why there's breaks.

1:18:12 Adam Engineer Chris-

1:18:13 Drew I like that it's earmarked.

1:18:15 Adam Turn, yeah, turn to the page-

1:18:16 Drew All right, so what am I looking at?

1:18:17 Adam Where the, find the penis-

1:18:18 Drew First of all, this book looks from the 60s. Is it even up to date?

1:18:21 Adam Find the penis that is growing on the forearm and you tell me how badly you want to see a penis. Yes, Dr. Bruce Hensel will find it.

1:18:30 Here we go.

1:18:31 Adam Dr. Bruce will find that picture. All right, we're going back to the phone.

1:18:36 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel This is not pleasant, folks. You want to stay on the radio. This is not a TV show.

1:18:38 Drew How come that penis has netting?

1:18:41 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel That's netting to keep infection out, yeah.

1:18:43 Drew How come that one has a tube coming out of it?

1:18:44 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel That's the tube to urinate through.

1:18:46 Adam That's urethra.

1:18:47 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Thank you, urethra.

1:18:48 Drew Does it always have that?

1:18:50 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel No, after surgery, while you're healing.

1:18:51 Drew Okay, I'm a little confused. What is that?

1:18:53 Adam All right, let's not.

1:18:54 Drew Vagina or balls?

1:18:55 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Those are, no, it's a scrotum.

1:18:56 Adam That's a scrotum.

1:18:57 Drew Is it old scrotum or the new scrotum?

1:18:59 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Let's see what the picture says.

1:19:01 Drew It's weird, it looks like a scrotum inside a vagina.

1:19:03 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Reconstruction. Well, that's the vaginal lips.

1:19:08 Adam All right, all right, this was a horrible idea.

1:19:10 Drew The lips have to be done just right. Let me tell you something, when I got my brow lift, I needed symmetry, and if I ever get my vulva recreated, it has to be perfect.

1:19:18 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel That is a specialty now, you know, it's called vaginal rejuvenation.

1:19:23 Drew Don't tell me I have to get my vagina rejuvenated.

1:19:25 Adam Absolutely.

1:19:25 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel I didn't say you had to do that.

1:19:27 Drew I just had my skin peel.

1:19:29 Adam Listen.

1:19:29 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel It's a little more painful.

1:19:30 Drew I just had my brows waxed. Now I got to rejuvenate my vagina?

1:19:34 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel I didn't say you had to do it.

1:19:36 Adam I just want you to turn to the page where they're actually growing the penis on the forearm. Dr. Bruce can find that, and I'm going to avert my gaze because otherwise I may choke. All right, let's see. Let's talk to...

1:19:54 Drew Well, they're stitching the penis on the forearm.

1:19:58 Adam No, no. I don't think that's the picture I'm talking about.

1:20:02 Drew No, I just want to say these pictures are like mid-operation. I'm sure it heals beautifully.

1:20:06 Adam Keep going there, Bruce. Mary?

1:20:08 Drew Yeah?

1:20:09 Adam What is happening, my girl? You're 18 years old.

1:20:12 Caller Yeah. Well, I've been with my boyfriend for a good like five months. And he, I'm not your typical free-position type of girl. And he is just not going for anything creative at all.

1:20:27 Adam So you want to do more, you want to experiment in your boyfriend.

1:20:31 Drew Wait, what are the three positions? I feel out of the loop. There's missionary.

1:20:34 Caller The three positions, me on top. And behind me is him on top, in which he doesn't last for one in five seconds.

1:20:41 Drew Oh, wait. What is it? So it's somebody standing.

1:20:44 Caller Yeah.

1:20:44 Drew That's one. And then there's what else?

1:20:47 Caller Me on top.

1:20:48 Drew You on top.

1:20:50 Caller And then there's him on top.

1:20:51 Drew And that's the one where he goes to quickly. OK, I understand.

1:20:54 Adam All right. And he is more conservative than you are.

1:20:58 Caller Yeah.

1:20:59 Adam All right.

1:21:00 Caller You know, I'm a little bit way off more than conservative. Like, he just he's not doing it for me. I don't know if I should tell him.

1:21:08 Adam I don't know. All right. Let me.

1:21:11 Drew Doesn't any guy want to hear that the girl wants to be more wild? I mean, what guys aren't going to like that?

1:21:17 Adam Mary is probably scaring him. Mary, where's your dad?

1:21:20 Caller At home.

1:21:23 Adam At home. And everything good with him?

1:21:27 Caller I don't know. We don't really talk. Yeah. Things between me and my dad aren't really that great.

1:21:34 Adam All right. But what about you? Is he an alcoholic? Do you ever get molested? Anything up with you we need to know?

1:21:41 Alcoholic.

1:21:43 Adam He's what? Where's my bourbon?

1:21:46 All right.

1:21:47 Adam Hold on a second. I think I'm talking about Mary behind her back. Here's what goes on. The wild chicks, they're supposed to be just sort of fun loving and carefree.

1:21:57 Drew I can't help it. I'm just sexual.

1:21:58 Adam It turns out somebody did something weird to them.

1:22:00 Drew Of course it does.

1:22:00 Adam And they're acting out. Oftentimes the guys, all they know is they're feeling weird energy. It's like the women are like, hey, baby, I'm sexy. Why aren't you into this? I'll be your acrobat. And the guy's like, I would be, except for I think you're kind of nutty and you're freaking me out with your weird energy. It doesn't feel like pure sexuality. It feels like a vestige of the past, some weird trauma is now resurfacing. Not to say it's her fault, but the guy is probably freaked out a little. And people do this even when they don't know what's going on, just instinctively.

1:22:35 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel It's also that a lot of guys want to, you know, a lot of guys, the whole Madonna complex, they want the girlfriend to be the perfect woman, the sweet woman, the vulnerable woman. If the woman's a little stronger, wants to be more sexual, it makes them intimidated. That's not as healthy reaction. But the point is that it happens.

1:22:52 Drew That's like that night I was with Adam and the next thing you know, I hear the soft sobbing.

1:22:57 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel He started to cry.

1:22:57 Drew And I turn over and it's like a little sniffle and it turned into heaves. Like he couldn't even breathe. I rocked him till five in the morning.

1:23:08 Adam That's why she needs the vaginal rejuvenation, by the way. I ruined it.

1:23:12 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You're so large.

1:23:14 Adam It's gone.

1:23:15 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You thought it was a hernia, but it was something else.

1:23:18 Adam I'll tell you, if an insurance adjuster would have taken a look at Kathy's vagina when I was done with it, he would have said total. It's total. Compt, Compt.

1:23:27 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel At one point it was just psychological, but now it's a medical condition. That's right.

1:23:33 Adam All right. Wait a minute. Let's get back to... Enough about our past, Mary. Yeah. All right. So, here's what I'm picking up on and everyone listening to the show wants to know, oh, she's horny. Would you leave her alone? But you sound angry, okay? And you sound angry and you probably sound a little angry at men and you probably should be because your dad's an alcoholic who beat you. That's something that you need to focus on. The part about your boyfriend not putting out sexually is the least of your problems at this point. You have issues with men and I suspect they're going to come up with every guy you're with with every relationship you're with.

1:24:10 Drew Probably every guy will be either like the dad or maybe the polar opposite of the dad. But I think she will try to keep reliving that relationship and trying to get it right with the wrong guys.

1:24:21 Adam I'm picking up on, listen, I've done this for nine years. I just hear people's voice and I feel their whatever their energy for that cosmic and retarded as that sounds. It's coming from you and spades, Mary. So here's the thing. Don't get pregnant, number one. Number two, you're probably freaking the guy out by coming on a little bit strong. Why don't you back off a little, give him a glass, give him a beer and see what he does. Number three, maybe this isn't the guy for you. And number four, you need some therapy if you had an alcoholic dad who beat you. All right? And by the way, you get some therapy and you look in your relationship with your dad and magically some of these current problems with boys will melt away.

1:25:02 Drew Yeah, and then all of a sudden maybe it's not so boring just having a missionary. Maybe the normal sort of or the norm, I should say, isn't so boring.

1:25:10 Adam That's right.

1:25:11 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You know, there's always the other side to it, too, just to be devil's advocate. I mean, it's possible that she's just an adventurous girl.

1:25:18 Adam Yes.

1:25:18 Drew Now, whose dad is an alcoholic?

1:25:20 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel No, no, no, no, no. She needs help for that. There's no question about that. But have you talked to your boyfriend about this?

1:25:25 Adam Hold on, hold on. Well, no, I don't care.

1:25:28 Drew Except for we got to take we're running late for for break and I don't want to go there because the chances of this girl being extra horny are very slim compared to the chance of this girl acting out some dynamic with her dad.

1:25:39 Adam Thank you, Kathy. We rarely agree. But when we do, we know we're right. Dr. Bruce Hensel here. No, very, very qualified. I could use a warm up on the coffee. Kathy and I got some business talk.

1:25:49 Drew And we'll be diagnoses to do.

1:25:52 Adam We'll be right back after this.

1:25:55 Caller Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready.

1:26:00 Now you and the guests can enjoy three nights in Chicago's House of Blues, experiencing a series of amazing live concerts. And we'll get you there.

1:26:11 Adam [♪ Music . Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That is Dr. Bruce Hensel, who's in tonight filling in for Dr. Drew. He's an emergency medicine physician. He's a medical correspondent for NBC for many, many years, a documentarian. He is everything and everyone. He really is. He really would. He's so much more doctor than Dr. Drew could even dream.

1:26:51 Drew Oh, Adam, that's hurtful.

1:26:53 Adam I don't care. No, I don't care anymore.

1:26:55 Drew You're going below the hernia with that one.

1:26:57 Adam He has more, more doctor in his, the cuticle of his pinky than Drew has his entire being.

1:27:04 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Drew is not even here to defend.

1:27:07 Adam God damn right, he's not here.

1:27:08 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel We love Dr. Drew.

1:27:08 Adam He's getting paid the same thing. I'm getting paid. He's not even here. All right.

1:27:13 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Obviously an issue.

1:27:14 Adam Kathy Griffin, who's possibly the one person is even more bitter than I am. She is gonna be at the Irvine Improv this Friday, this Saturday, two fabulous shows.

1:27:26 Drew Yes.

1:27:27 Adam Go down and see her and support our friends.

1:27:30 Drew Keep an open mind, I'm not for everybody. It's not a Christian show. It's not a family show.

1:27:35 Adam No, but if you like-

1:27:36 Drew I work blue and I like a lot of name calling, a lot of celebrity gossip, maybe a couple of current events thrown in there.

1:27:46 Adam Yeah, yeah, if you like Christian comedy, Kathy is not the gal for you.

1:27:51 Drew But if you want to make fun of Gwyneth Paltrow's baby, come on down, Friday and Saturday, two shows.

1:27:56 Adam That's right. Now, have you ever met Gwyneth Paltrow, by the way?

1:28:00 Drew I have met her and I did not have a pleasant experience with her.

1:28:02 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Really?

1:28:03 Drew No. I felt that she is very condescending. I don't like when she kind of has the eye rolling, condescending, sigh. Yeah, she's British now, she's very trendy. She's ruined that poor kid's life, sight unseen. You can't name a kid Apple. That kid's gonna be calling into this show as soon as she can talk.

1:28:23 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel The apple of her mother's eye, his mother's eye.

1:28:25 Drew Apple.

1:28:25 Adam Here's the thing though.

1:28:26 Drew Apple's a nickname, right? Maybe, just maybe within the walls of the British home, we call a kid Apple. But no, Apple should not be the baptismal given. Apple Martin.

1:28:38 Adam Oh, it's gonna be Apple Martini.

1:28:40 Caller Real fast.

1:28:42 Adam The kid's lucky.

1:28:43 Drew Real fast.

1:28:43 Adam A horse will eat it.

1:28:45 Drew Yeah.

1:28:46 Adam Here's the thing, though. I realize with all these celebrities and their kids and their crazy names, you think, okay, the kid's gonna get his ass kicked. Well, he'd get his ass kicked if he went to Sun Valley High School out in the East Valley there. But these kids are gonna be going to some Beverly Hills prep or some Malibu.

1:29:03 Drew Not Peaches Geldof. Peaches Geldof isn't a multimillionaire in her own right.

1:29:07 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Peaches Geldof.

1:29:10 Drew Peaches. Oh, really? She wrote a letter of warning to Gwyneth in one of the London papers saying how it had completely affected her entire life to be named Peaches.

1:29:21 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel And did Gwyneth respond?

1:29:22 Drew No.

1:29:22 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel No, of course not.

1:29:23 Adam What about Peaches and Herb though? It didn't affect that Peaches, did it?

1:29:26 Drew That was a nickname that they gave themselves as adults.

1:29:29 Adam I see.

1:29:29 Drew That's a choice.

1:29:30 Adam It was their choice.

1:29:31 Drew Apple Martin, poor thing.

1:29:33 Adam Apple Martin.

1:29:35 Drew You know she's not gonna let that girl eat.

1:29:37 Adam And the point is these kids will grow up in a very sheltered environment that will not let them be made fun of by the outside world. Except for heroes like people like you, Kathy. You have the guts to stand up against the elite.

1:29:50 Drew And just talk about it.

1:29:51 Adam That's right.

1:29:52 Drew Yeah, I'm like Richard Clark. I'm just talking about it.

1:29:54 Adam That's right. All right. Where are the hell are we going? Bleeds excessively twice a month. Wants to know about the pill. Dangerous through guys on drugs.

1:30:04 Drew I should hit the bleeder. I've had that problem ever since high school.

1:30:07 Adam I'll tell you what. And?

1:30:09 Drew On the pill, off the pill. On the pill, anemic, iron pills, slow FE.

1:30:15 Adam Really?

1:30:15 Drew Finally normal. I had my period twice a month for years.

1:30:19 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel The pill help?

1:30:20 Drew I didn't like the pill.

1:30:21 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You didn't like it, but did it help the bleeding?

1:30:24 Drew No.

1:30:25 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel No.

1:30:26 Drew And they said it would regulate my periods.

1:30:28 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel They promised, but not always.

1:30:31 Drew I'm not a big pill fan.

1:30:33 Adam I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

1:30:34 Drew I condoms.

1:30:34 Adam I'm gonna go by who's been on hold the longest. And Vince is coming in on 117 minutes. Vince?

1:30:45 Caller Yeah.

1:30:45 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel He's still awake.

1:30:46 Adam You're 19. What's up?

1:30:48 Caller What's going on, guys?

1:30:50 Adam You wanna go out and see Kathy Griffin at the Irvine Improv this weekend?

1:30:53 Caller Yeah, if I could make the half trip across the country, I would.

1:30:57 Drew Adam, why do you keep doing this? Vince, what state do you live in?

1:30:59 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Nobody's calling from California.

1:31:01 Caller Kansas City, Missouri.

1:31:02 Adam Kansas City, okay. What's up, Vince? I just like inviting people from out of state. Go ahead, Vince.

1:31:10 Caller It's kind of probably an easy question for you guys. It's real basic. Usually when I masturbate, I don't use any kind of lubrication or any lotion or anything. I've actually had a couple occasions where I've actually rubbed it raw. And you know, while it's going on, you really don't notice it, but afterwards you realize it. And I was wondering if there's any actual, you know, harm I could be causing to it.

1:31:36 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Well, I mean, you can harm it by rubbing it raw and then getting it dirty and getting an infection. But the question is, if you're an adult and you understand the consequences of your action, why do you keep doing it? I understand when you do it, you may forget, but you know from the past that you caused yourself some pain. So why do you do it again? Do you like the pain or why do you keep doing it without lubrication? It's easy enough to get some.

1:32:04 Adam Yeah, what, do you want an animal?

1:32:06 Drew Maybe he's romantic. Maybe he gets so lost in the moment.

1:32:09 Adam He's old fashioned.

1:32:11 Drew He just can't even think straight anymore.

1:32:13 Adam His stepmom started locking up the lubriderm. That's what happened. Vince, why don't you spring for some lotion, for Christ's sake?

1:32:21 Caller It might actually be, you know, I live with three other guys in a pretty small apartment. So when I do it, it's kind of in a hurry.

1:32:29 Drew It's on the fly.

1:32:29 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel It's in a hurry.

1:32:30 Caller Yeah.

1:32:30 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Where are you usually, in the bathroom or? Where do you do it, if you live with three guys?

1:32:37 Caller Depends, whenever I can squeeze one in, I guess.

1:32:40 Drew Mm-hmm.

1:32:41 Adam Yeah. All right, you're very crafty.

1:32:43 Drew Well, can't you do it in the bathroom so then it can be in the cabinet?

1:32:46 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Well, listen, if it happens that quickly, you can get these little packets of pay-wide jelly so you don't have to carry a whole tube around.

1:32:52 Adam Oh, just go down the aisle.

1:32:53 Drew But that's gonna be so embarrassing if he's somewhere and then he goes to take his change out of his pocket and the small packets of pay-wide come out.

1:32:59 Adam You go down the Arby's, you get some mayo. They come in the same small packets.

1:33:03 Drew He's gonna smell like a sandwich.

1:33:05 Adam Yeah, mayonnaise, works great. I don't know, I know, I'm a dry man. Yeah, I'm smart. You know why I'm a dry man? I'll tell you why I'm a dry man because what do you do when you're camping? What do you do if a plane goes down, you're stranded. I have beat off camping before.

1:33:21 Drew Is that the idea of camping?

1:33:23 Adam I'll tell you why, you gotta beat off. Sometimes you sleep over. And you can't go 24 hours? It's not just 24 hours sometimes, it's like 30 hours because you might leave at noon and come home at like 2.30 or 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Yeah, and when you're, when you convene with nature, like I do, yeah, I have beat off camping. Sure, sure.

1:33:45 Drew Now, when you're planning the trip, do you kind of think when you're gonna fit that in? Are you like, okay, I'm gonna pack my toothpaste, my plastic bags.

1:33:52 Adam Yeah.

1:33:52 Drew Oh, I'm probably gonna beat off that one time right after we put the tent up.

1:33:56 Adam Yeah.

1:33:57 Drew So it's part of your agenda.

1:33:58 Adam Yeah, that's what I gotta think.

1:34:00 Drew And where do you do it when you're camping?

1:34:02 Adam Pitch tent.

1:34:04 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel In the sleeping bag.

1:34:05 Adam Do it in the forest normally.

1:34:06 Drew Well, where are the other people on the trip? You're not going by yourself.

1:34:10 Adam Well, they're doing whatever they gotta do.

1:34:14 Drew So wait a minute, you're camping with friends.

1:34:16 Adam Yes, yes.

1:34:16 Drew And then you just go into the forest. I mean, do you say I have to go gather some kindling or something?

1:34:25 Adam The code word is we're making s'mores.

1:34:27 Drew You don't make s'mores in the middle of the forest?

1:34:29 Adam They know what you mean when you say we're making s'mores.

1:34:33 Drew So then you and I, you're making s'mores and everybody there's like, oh, okay.

1:34:36 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Well, this poor guy, it's better than this poor guy, Vince, who has to hide from his roommates.

1:34:41 Adam Yeah, he's got to, here's the thing.

1:34:43 Drew Don't guys use spit or whatever?

1:34:45 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel No, I think spit dries out pretty fast.

1:34:48 Adam Yeah, he has to alter his technique or get some lube. Either way.

1:34:52 Drew He's got to get lube, that's key.

1:34:53 Adam He's worth, you're worth it, Vince.

1:34:55 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You're rubbing yourself wrong for Christ's sake. Not so much that you're gonna cause a problem, but it's painful.

1:35:01 Adam All right, let's go to 74 minutes on hold and speak to Adrienne. Adrienne?

1:35:08 Yeah.

1:35:08 Adam You're 17?

1:35:10 Caller Uh-huh.

1:35:11 Adam What's up?

1:35:13 Caller I've been going out with my boyfriend for about a year and it's like an ongoing problem. Like, whoever I've had sex with, I never orgasm. I've orgasmed with one guy and that was it.

1:35:26 Drew You mean during intercourse or foreplay or anything?

1:35:29 Caller Anything.

1:35:30 Adam Anything. And how did you orgasm with the one guy?

1:35:33 Caller I don't know.

1:35:33 Caller It just happened.

1:35:35 Adam No, I mean, what were you doing?

1:35:37 Caller Just having sex.

1:35:38 Adam Oh, so you're having intercourse?

1:35:40 Caller Yeah.

1:35:41 Adam By the way, pretty good for a 17 year old. Most of the 17 year olds call the show do not have an orgasm via intercourse.

1:35:48 Drew Most women don't. We've talked about this.

1:35:50 Adam According to my calculations, no women do.

1:35:54 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel This sounds like a harry-muss.

1:35:55 Adam No women. No women. According to, and I've done a survey and I've been out.

1:36:02 Drew I never have. I'm very open about it. Never. Never once.

1:36:08 Adam So you faked it when we were together?

1:36:12 Drew I made you put that tomato up my butt. I thought it was private time. It was over now.

1:36:17 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Now, were you with this guy more than once? The one you did orgasm with?

1:36:24 Adam One night stand and an orgasm.

1:36:25 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel And an orgasm. I would have been with him a second time. Yeah.

1:36:29 Adam Yeah, so Adrian, okay, first off, at 17, don't put the pressure on yourself. When a woman puts the pressure on herself to have the orgasm, it's even more difficult. They become more illicit.

1:36:41 Drew Oh, it's horrible. And then the time passes and...

1:36:44 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You know, it is important.

1:36:45 Drew You get on to like the 45 minutes and still no one doesn't know.

1:36:48 Adam Right, right, don't push.

1:36:49 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel And speaking of not putting pressure on yourself, you should realize that a lot of this can be anatomic, meaning the one guy that you orgasmed with, he might have, believe it or not, he might have had an angle to his penis. It may have gone a different way. That happens. And it might've touched the area that stimulates you more. Are you able to orgasm when you masturbate? So you're physically capable of it. And you know, what you need to do is what Adam said.

1:37:16 Drew Do you bring it camping? Cause that would make a little noise when you're making your s'mores.

1:37:20 Adam Does the guy, does the guy you have give you oral sex?

1:37:24 Caller Yeah.

1:37:25 Adam He does.

1:37:25 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel And you don't want to know what he has in that way?

1:37:27 Caller No.

1:37:28 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel He doesn't do it long enough then.

1:37:30 Drew That's very tough. It's got to be a long amount of time and he's got to be super gentle and then a lot of guys that do it too hard and then you don't want to say anything to him. And next thing you know, you're going to the doctor with the eczema infection.

1:37:40 Adam Are you in love with this guy, Adrienne?

1:37:42 Caller Yeah, I just, I feel really bad because I love him a lot.

1:37:46 Adam All right. Here's the whole thing, baby doll. And all you women, let yourself go a little bit. Stop dancing for the man. I really mean it. It's like, I love him. I want to give him this. It's so important that I give him this. You become so focused on it. It really, and here's the thing. I don't know why God punishes us, but it hurts everything you try to do. If you're golfing and you're really trying really hard and you're focusing and people are looking at you and you're trying to really tee off and drive the ball, you always shank it. You do it and do it in every sport. The more you tense up, the more you try, the harder you try, the more you F up. It's the same with this. Just relax. If you have an orgasm, you have an orgasm. If you don't, you had a pleasurable experience anyway. You two are in love. Don't worry about him. I guarantee he's having the time of his life.

1:38:32 Drew I would just love you to have that conversation with a 17 year old guy. You know, if you have the orgasm, fine. If you don't, you had a great time. Just enjoy it. You're young and in love.

1:38:40 Adam I have, Kathy.

1:38:41 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Yeah, if you haven't had that conversation.

1:38:43 Adam Well, mostly 14 and 15, but a couple of 17s made it in under the wire, although they weren't developed.

1:38:48 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Let's see, what is the age of consent?

1:38:49 Drew I like how women are supposed to be just completely satisfied without the orgasm. You know, it's a pleasant time for everybody.

1:38:54 Adam I was sticking up for your broads for a change. Don't attack me.

1:38:57 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Now listen, do you want to have an orgasm for yourself or you're trying to please him?

1:39:02 Drew No.

1:39:03 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Well, I'm sorry, Adam, let's help her. Do you want an orgasm?

1:39:06 Adam Why start now?

1:39:07 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Why start now?

1:39:09 Adam Adrienne? Yeah? Who's the orgasm for, baby? You or him or possibly Bruce?

1:39:14 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Or possibly Adam? You'd say both.

1:39:18 Adam Me and Bruce? All right, it's for both of you.

1:39:21 Drew Now, is your boyfriend, does he really give it the good college try? Or is he like done after 30 seconds?

1:39:28 Caller The most he's lost is like 30 minutes.

1:39:34 Adam Oh, he's 59.

1:39:36 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel He's 59.

1:39:38 Adam Listen, Adrienne, look, you're 17, you're growing, you're changing, your vagina's like a green piece of fruit right now. Believe, let it ripen on the vine a little bit. Don't push so hard. Relax and enjoy yourself.

1:39:51 Drew But also maybe give the guy a little gentle guidance.

1:39:54 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Sure.

1:39:54 Drew Maybe he can learn a little more as well.

1:39:56 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel If she can orgasm with a vibrator, have him touch you while you're having orgasm. Find the spot that really turns on and you can do-

1:40:04 Drew Then everybody makes s'mores.

1:40:06 Adam Never works, becomes too intense for women. I've tried this one.

1:40:09 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel What do you think, Adrienne?

1:40:10 Adam They do that now. I got rid of her.

1:40:11 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You got rid of her, okay.

1:40:12 Drew What? She's fine.

1:40:14 Adam She's 17. She'll land on her feet.

1:40:16 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Probably pulled the vibrator out.

1:40:18 Adam We'll take ourselves a little break. Kathy Griffin here. Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear friend, Bruce Hensel, Dr. Bruce Hensel. Dear, dear friend. Not dear, dear friend, but just dear, dear friend. But that's, we're on the road to dear, dear, dear, dear, dear friend.

1:40:34 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Just the beginning.

1:40:34 Adam Filling in for Dr. Drew, doing a better job than Drew himself. We'll be right back. Hey everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. Dr. Drew is not in the hissy tonight. We have Dr. Bruce Hensel.

1:41:20 Drew But you're having a hissy about it. You're cranky, you're complaining. You actually want him to give you some of his money?

1:41:27 Adam I'm in pain. My gut's coming out of my bowel. It's pushing through my gut. I'm having a nervous breakdown. The Kathy Griffin, by the way, dear, dear friend, is here tonight, gonna be at the Irvine Improv Friday and Saturday. Two shows. And Dr. Bruce Hensel is a fantabulous documentary. Go ahead, Bruce. Give it a little plug, buddy.

1:41:47 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Called The Opposite Sex. We follow one man and one woman from the time they decide until the time they get their sex change operations. They're actually two separate movies. One of them is called Renee's Story about a young girl.

1:42:00 Adam Now, you have the man becoming a woman and the woman becoming a man. You have them both.

1:42:05 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Separate movies, separate movies. And they show on Showtime. You can just go into www.showsho.com, find out when they're on. And we're hoping, Renee's Story actually won the Grand Jury Award at the Outfest.

1:42:19 Adam Oh.

1:42:19 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel So we're pretty excited about it. It's a masterpiece. And my partner in the movie, Stu Krasno, who's the executive producer of Average Joe.

1:42:30 Drew That's right, which I hosted season one. That's right.

1:42:33 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel And a wonderful guy, wonderful guy. Everybody loves Stu.

1:42:37 Adam OutFest.

1:42:38 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel OutFest, meaning the Gay and Lesbian Film Festival.

1:42:40 Adam Got to check that out. All film festivals are gay and lesbian film festivals. Isn't that the essence of a film festival? Is there a straight guy with a dirty mouth?

1:42:49 Drew It's Splittin Harris, you can call it OutFest.

1:42:50 Adam Yeah, OutFest. That sounds like a delight. All right. Let's hop back to the phones and see if we can help some of the kitties and speak to Katie. Katie? You're 16, you're on birth control pill? Yeah. And you also use Ecstasy? All right. Here's the whole thing. Probably, Dr. Drew has gone off about Ecstasy enough to scare me, which is to say that it causes problems. I mean, it's not just a man saying, hey, stay away from the weed, man. You'll go, no, Ecstasy does cause brain damage eventually. And it's probably not something you should be monkeying with. So how about you just give that up and do something else? All right. Can you do that?

1:43:41 Drew Come on, you only had it three times. You're not like addicted to it.

1:43:44 Adam Yeah. It's easy enough to stop doing it from this point on, yes?

1:43:49 Caller Yeah, but will it affect?

1:43:53 Adam I don't think it does anything with the birth control pill. Drew, I've never heard Drew say anything about that.

1:43:57 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Is that your question, whether the two interact? Well, they don't interact, but remember MDMA or ecstasy is a form of amphetamine. I mean, it actually speeds you up. So it can affect your blood pressure, it can affect your brain cells. And the fact is that the original ecstasy, although it was developed to help therapy, is one thing. And the ecstasy that you get now on the street can be anything from talcum powder to pure amphetamine. You don't know what you're getting.

1:44:25 Adam You get the concession stand at Outfest, I'll tell you that right now. Get that in the Amel Poppers.

1:44:30 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel I mean, the interaction between that and the and butter, look out for that.

1:44:33 Drew Now, why are you on the pill?

1:44:36 Caller Yeah.

1:44:36 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel Why?

1:44:37 Drew Why?

1:44:38 Caller Because I'm having sex.

1:44:40 Drew What's wrong with condoms? You're 16.

1:44:42 Adam She wants me on the pill.

1:44:44 Drew No, she should be using condoms.

1:44:46 Adam Why she don't want to use condoms?

1:44:47 Drew No, too bad. The teenage girls have to use condoms.

1:44:49 Adam She's gonna forget to use a condom and get pregnant.

1:44:51 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel All right now, Kathy, you don't like the pill, personally. No, no, no.

1:44:54 Drew No, I say do the pill and condoms, but I'm very nervous about what guys, what teenage boys are gonna give her.

1:44:59 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel The expectation. Well, that's a good point. You should still be, even if you're on the pill, remember the pill does not protect against AIDS, or sexually transmitted diseases. So you can't just make an assumption that you're protected because you're on the pill.

1:45:11 Drew And you can't make an assumption that he's only sleeping with you.

1:45:13 Adam All right, Katie, do you have a boyfriend?

1:45:15 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel No.

1:45:16 Drew Katie, you can't have multiple partners and not use condoms. This isn't 1972.

1:45:21 Adam So here's the thing.

1:45:22 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel It wasn't safe in 72 either.

1:45:23 Drew That's right, we all learned.

1:45:24 Adam Add condoms to your diet and remove the ecstasy. That's it, plus condoms, minus ecstasy. There you go, all you people do that.

1:45:33 Drew Yes, less ecstasy, more condoms.

1:45:35 Adam Taking the condoms, push out the acts. Yeah. All right, let's talk.

1:45:39 Drew Didn't she see the Oprah when she goes to the Congo?

1:45:42 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel You're an Oprah fan, aren't you? We gotta talk about that.

1:45:47 Adam You're 18? Yeah, you just got out of a juvenile facility?

1:45:52 Caller Yeah.

1:45:53 Adam All right.

1:45:54 Caller I'm trying to find a girlfriend and I don't really know where to look because I mean, I don't want it to be like for just a week or two because I'm subversion and I mean.

1:46:09 Adam Now, yes, he's gonna stamp you now, Anderson.

1:46:11 Caller No, but I mean, I mean, I was told that like, if I get with someone for a while, they'll think that's really special.

1:46:18 Adam All right, Johnny, here's the whole thing, we're plumb out of time. You can't really go shopping for a girlfriend. It's one of these things where you just have to make yourself into the most presentable target you can be and let it happen. So don't go looking for a girlfriend. Look for a good job. Do some pushups. Try not to end up back in juvie and magically you'll find a girlfriend. We'll be right back.

1:46:41 Caller Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me. So what's up?

1:46:47 Caller But I tried everything else and thought, what the hell?

1:46:49 Caller So I called the dateline and actually met a cool guy.

1:46:53 Caller Believe it or not, other normal people are out there looking too.

1:46:56 Caller 877-889-DATE. This hour brought to you in part by Axe.

1:47:14 Adam Yeah, everybody. All right, well, that's the show. I believe Dr. Drew is back tomorrow night. I want to thank dear, dear, dear, dear friend, Dr. Bruce Hensel for coming in and doing it.

1:47:26 Drew Hey, I'm the dear friend.

1:47:27 Adam Wonderful job. No, you're dear, dear friend, Kathy Griffin for doing a wonderful job. And help me out tonight, Kathy Irvine improv, Friday, Saturday, Two Fabulous Shows. Dr. Bruce, you can find his documentary if you just go to Showtime.

1:47:42 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel showtime.com, show.com.

1:47:44 Adam And look for the listings, the opposite sex.

1:47:47 Kathy Griffin with Dr. Hensel The opposite sex, or see me on the news tomorrow.

1:47:49 Adam That's right, NBC. Thanks a lot, Doc. Thanks for the diagnoses. Now I know I'm gonna die. So, until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Bruce Hensel saying mahalo.

1:48:00 Caller And the art teacher said, if you keep talking, I'll put you in the kiln. And the kid was a Jew.

1:48:10 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Ingold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, June 29, 2004