Episode 1000624624304

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content. I'm Adam, that's.

1:07 Adam Dr. Bruce. Dr. Bruce is filling in for Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew is in Boston on a little family vacation. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Bruce, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist, emergency medicine specialist. He can take a tattoo off with a laser everybody.

1:29 Dr. Bruce No, I'm just going to say hello and I'm here tonight. I got a good night's sleep. Last night you were just a little abusive.

1:36 Adam Yeah, I was cranky. I was cranky. Oh man, Jessica, how do you do your last name?

1:42 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Cauffiel. Like Holden at the D.

1:45 Adam Yeah, it needs a... But it seems like there should be an L in there somehow.

1:51 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce There is an L at the end, you mean a D?

1:53 Adam Oh, I mean, no, somewhere before...

1:55 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Cauffiel, it falls as if there were a D.

1:56 Adam Cauffiel, yes. All right, Jessica Cauffiel is here tonight, you know, from Legally Blonde and Legally Blonde 2 and Stuck on You and Road Trip and Now White Chicks, which is getting very good reviews. I saw, I think we had Busy Phillips on here the other night who's also in White Chicks and... Yes, Busy's a delight.

2:20 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce She is a delight.

2:21 Adam Yeah.

2:21 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce She's the witty one.

2:23 Adam Yeah. She's sharp. She's a firecracker that's busy. She is. And you know, that's good for about ten minutes, but then you're like going to be quiet so you can watch your TiVo. And that's, I think, the message of the show. So what part do you play? Because I haven't seen the movie, it just came out yesterday, right?

2:43 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yesterday, yeah.

2:44 Adam Yeah. It's doing good. It's getting a lot higher.

2:47 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce That's what I heard. I haven't looked at any numbers, but that's not really my thing. So I've heard.

2:52 Adam I should say...

2:52 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Some guy in the supermarket recognized me, the bagger, today with braces.

2:56 Adam Really?

2:56 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce It was an exciting moment.

2:58 Adam The movie's only been out less than 24 hours. Did he recognize you?

3:01 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yeah, he was one of the first people there. Yeah, from Whitechaks. Wait, did you have red hair in a movie? And I was like, yeah. And he was like, you were funny.

3:11 Adam There's a black man from the 40s with braces. Wow. Oh, that's tough when the brothers get the braces. That's a tough hand because, you know, like when a red haired kid has braces, no big deal. Yeah. Like Bruce, you'd almost expect like you would look better with braces. We expect you to have braces. But when a brother has braces, that's tough. That's tough.

3:31 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Braces bring a brother down.

3:33 Adam It's tough being a black man.

3:34 Dr. Bruce It is.

3:35 Adam It is.

3:35 Dr. Bruce It is.

3:36 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce You would know when I do.

3:37 Adam No, but I'm part, you know, I got the nappy hair and I sympathize and, you know, I've done I, you know, I've lived the life of a black man.

3:45 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce I was saying, what is the life of a black?

3:47 Adam Well, I've done a lot. I come from poor parents. You know, mom was on a food stamp and welfare North Hobbit.

3:54 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Food cards. Did you hear they're making food cards?

3:56 Adam Yeah, they want they want to give the folks a little dignity who have the food stamps. My thing is to put them in clown shoes and wind up being so we can really, really dig into them. Now, my mom could have used the use the humiliation would have got her off the stamps. But the point is, is I sympathize with the life of the brother man. And it's tough to be a black guy because like as a white guy, if you're poor, you drive a pile of crap. It's fine. Look, Dr. Bruce is a board certified physician. He's driving his sister's 88 Camry. That rocks. That's the point. But if you're a black guy, you can't drive no piece of crap car. No, you got to have the big dub rims on it. You got to be pimped out. You got to have, I know this sounds like stereotypes, but it's true. You got to have the game boy in the back of the headrest and everything. You can't drive. See, as a white guy, you drive a piece of crap, you're cool. Black guy, you're a loser.

4:52 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No, but that's all in the way he carries himself, don't you think?

4:56 Adam More pressure.

4:57 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Like the guy, I'm going to get you a sucker who has the goldfish platforms and he's the pimp who comes out of jail and it's 20 years later. Hold your head high, honey.

5:05 Adam That's true. All right. I've been to the, and believe me, I've been to the Bishop Don Magic Juan's apartment and chilled with Snoop Dogg.

5:13 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

5:14 Adam So believe me, I know the plight of the black man.

5:16 Dr. Bruce I chilled with Snoop Dogg when he was a kid.

5:20 Adam One of the few, I get the feeling Snoop gets around a little, but you know, you know, the definition of range for Bishop Don Magic Juan is has a Cadillac, has a Rolls Royce, lives in an apartment. Not too many guys live in a crappy apartment with a Rolls and a Caddy parked on the street right in front of the crappy apartment. You live in a house, you drive a crappy Camry. See, that's the way the white man. Do you see what I'm saying?

5:48 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No, but also the way the white man in LA is they live in a crappy apartment, but they have a BMW out front and they'll spend all the money on that lease.

5:55 Adam Trying to impress gals like you. Are you single?

5:58 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Doesn't work on me.

5:58 Adam Are you single?

5:59 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No, I'm not single.

6:00 Adam You got a man? Are you married?

6:01 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce I've got a man, but I'm not married.

6:03 Adam Who? Who is he? Is he a civilian?

6:07 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Is he an actor? He's not an actor.

6:10 Adam Producer? Is he in the business?

6:11 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No, he's not. He's he's a designer. Oh, no, but listen, it's different. He rebuilds old British Triumph motorcycles.

6:20 Adam Oh, wow. Yeah.

6:22 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yeah. And he makes crazy, wacky custom belts and guitar straps for belts.

6:28 Adam He works with leather.

6:30 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yeah, he works with leather.

6:31 Adam Sure he's not gay?

6:33 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Positive. But he does have pink shoes. He's the only straight man who can pull it off.

6:37 Adam It's tough because the working with the old Triumphs is cool, but then the leather tooling.

6:43 Dr. Bruce That's like a squeegee in the shower.

6:44 Adam Yeah, it's a tip off. It's at least by.

6:48 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No, the leather comes from the whole leather work comes from the whole motorcycle culture.

6:54 Adam Yeah, that's true. Leather jackets, leather pants. And does he make the belt buckles and stuff? Does he braise?

7:00 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Well, the buckles are made separately, but the belts themselves are actually created by five people in a workshop who make them by hand and they're custom made. They're incredible. I'm wearing one right now.

7:11 Adam Look at that.

7:12 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce And I've got my J buckle on.

7:13 Adam That is great looking. So he makes a living doing this. Yes, he treats you right.

7:17 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce He treats me well.

7:18 Adam You're in love?

7:19 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yeah, he's an angel.

7:20 Adam All right. That's good. He's one of these guys that's cool, though, right?

7:24 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce He's yeah, he's cool because he doesn't try to be cool. And that's the secret, everybody. Yeah. But I mean, actually, no, no, no.

7:29 Adam People don't point at me. I don't point at me.

7:34 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No, no, no, this is what I mean.

7:35 Adam He's got that rockabilly vibe?

7:37 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No, but no, no, no, no.

7:38 Adam Rockabilly?

7:38 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No, no, no, no. He's a true individual, as my grandfather would say. Dig it. Most people have to put an outfit together, and they attempt to look cool. Some people grab the first thing that's hanging on the chair, and then the other thing that's on the desk. That's what he does, and he kind of rolls out.

7:54 Adam How about me? I grab something from the hamper.

7:59 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Is that your different waft?

8:01 Adam I don't wear underpants. Underpants, I don't wear. Look at me. I'm practically new.

8:06 Dr. Bruce You're well put to you. Just don't take your hat off.

8:08 Adam It's nothing. No, it's nothing wrong with me. And let me let me say this. This is a full head of hair here. I don't wear this hat as an excuse for a bald spot. I wear it because I'm cool.

8:17 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce You have plugs.

8:19 Adam No, I don't have plugs.

8:22 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce You could scrub the floors with it. Head spins.

8:25 Adam Play your cards right. I may give you a little buffing. I'm ready. Let's get to the phones. What are you saying? No, break it down and speak to Joe, who's 23. Joe? Yo, Adam. What's happening?

8:42 There, I had gotten back from a deployment a few months ago.

8:50 Adam Military deployment?

8:51 Yes.

8:51 Where were you?

8:53 Adam Iraq.

8:55 Caller And I just made my wife. We've been coping with the turn fine, you know, getting back at just everything. But the sex has been kind of painful for her. I guess not during, but afterwards. I guess she just got them as like sharp, deep pains.

9:18 Adam Sharp, deep pains. How long you guys doing it for?

9:23 Caller 20 minutes, 30.

9:26 Adam 20 minutes?

9:28 Dr. Bruce So this didn't happen? How long were you married before you went to Iraq?

9:33 Caller Almost exactly a year.

9:34 Dr. Bruce And this never happened? You never had this problem occur at that time or something new?

9:39 Caller Not as often. Not as often.

9:42 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce All right.

9:42 Adam Well, here's the thing. I'm no doctor. Bruce is, but he's boring. So I'll just speak.

9:48 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce I've got ideas.

9:48 Adam And you got ideas too? Well, she should probably get a checkup just to make sure there's no trouble down there. And then maybe it's a little lubrication thing.

9:58 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Actually, being a woman and having investigated these womanly things, there's a thing actually called a retroflex uterus that 25% of women have. That's like, it's equivalent to being left handed. It's actually tipped the opposite way. And what happens during intercourse is it's actually because it's tipped slightly to the back instead of the front with certain angles and with, excuse my terminology, heavy thrusting. There's deep, sharp pains and that can come from actually the angle, the position that you have.

10:29 Dr. Bruce But now he's saying the pain is only after intercourse, not during?

10:33 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Right.

10:34 Adam Well, this is getting cathartic for Jessica. Do you have a retroflex uterus? Do you have one of those?

10:40 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yes, I do.

10:40 Adam I'm guessing you do.

10:41 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Thank you, Dr. Katz. I'm Bedford Boulevard in Beverly Hills. I mean, it's really natural. And the first time my doctor said to me and he was down under the sheet and he said, oh, you got a retroflex. I know what the hell he was talking about. He's a Klansman? He said, be careful during heavy thrusting.

11:01 Adam Oh, really?

11:03 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce I don't see him anymore.

11:05 Adam That's nice.

11:06 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce We're already talking about heavy thrusting. What about you?

11:10 Adam Yeah. What about Johnny Rockabilly? Is he a heavy thruster?

11:17 I know this guy, I've seen these guys, they're trying, so cool.

11:23 Adam He slew this buddy, he was perfect. Does he wear jeans with him cuffed up and then...

11:28 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No, he doesn't even try.

11:30 Adam He's got you fooled into thinking he doesn't try.

11:33 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce This is good. This is a good mark of character. He made a bet with his best friend in eighth grade, his skating buddy, that they would never wear bell bottoms and they would peg their pants for the rest of their life. So they both still have the bet going.

11:47 Adam And they pegged their pants.

11:48 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce And they're 35 years old.

11:49 Adam But that's trying.

11:50 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No, they don't peg their pants. No, he doesn't peg them. He just doesn't buy bell bottoms.

11:53 Adam He buys them pegged?

11:54 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No, he doesn't.

11:56 Adam Okay.

11:57 Dr. Bruce So Joe, what...

11:58 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Honey, I'm sorry.

11:59 Dr. Bruce Your wife needs to have a pelvic exam. You were gone for a year? Okay. So it just may take some time. What Adam mentioned about the lubricant is a good idea. I'm not sure if you're using lubricant, but to add that, you know, vaginismus is a condition where you have contraction of the vaginal muscle involuntarily. That's usually pain during intercourse. And then what Jessica was mentioning is another... It's another situation where you probably expect to have the pain during intercourse. So she really needs to have a pelvic exam. And there are other questions the doctor will talk to her about in terms of birth control pills and look for any evidence of scarring or any lesions.

12:35 Adam That takes all kinds. But listen, everybody, just double down on the oral sex and everything will melt away. All your troubles will magically melt away. That's what women like. Am I right? Yeah.

12:48 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce It depends on the mood.

12:49 Adam Yeah. Oh, really? You know, most gals are either in or they're out on it. The ones that don't enjoy it are, you know, they just usually enjoy the intercourse, you know. They're, you know, they're zesty, passionate people. But you could take it or leave it.

13:07 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yeah, it depends on the mood.

13:08 Adam Really?

13:09 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce I don't know. Sometimes I'm, this is too much information.

13:13 Adam Too much.

13:17 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Very well adjusted girl.

13:18 Adam Yeah.

13:19 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yeah.

13:23 Dr. Bruce Hey, what's going on?

13:24 Adam What's happening?

13:25 Dr. Bruce I have a bit of a dilemma. I had my penis pierced twice. And I had sex the other day with my girlfriend of a couple months. And she was on her period and we kind of were unprotected. And now my penis has swelled up and I don't know if she can get pregnant.

13:45 Adam Well, let's start from the start here. What kind of piercings do you have?

13:51 Dr. Bruce I have one right under the head and then one pretty much right through it. Yeah.

13:58 Dr. Bruce And how long ago did you have the piercings done?

14:01 Dr. Bruce I had those done about four or five months ago.

14:05 Dr. Bruce So everything's completely healed up?

14:06 Dr. Bruce Everything's completely healed.

14:08 Adam And you say one right through the head. What does that mean exactly?

14:11 Dr. Bruce From top to bottom.

14:13 Adam From top to bottom, straight through the urethra?

14:17 Dr. Bruce I think so, yeah.

14:20 Adam I mean, when you urinate, what does it come out like? Wipe or spray?

14:23 Dr. Bruce Oh, no, that comes out normal.

14:25 Adam Comes out normal. But how could it come out normal if you had something going straight through the center of the head of your penis, top to bottom?

14:33 Dr. Bruce I have no idea. It's boggled my mind since day one.

14:36 Dr. Bruce Maybe pee sitting down.

14:37 Adam Since day one. Well, wait a minute. Does it go, does the bar, is it a barbell?

14:43 Dr. Bruce Yes, it is.

14:43 Adam Does it go right through the opening of your penis?

14:48 Dr. Bruce No, it's actually about three eighths of an inch from the tip. So, I'm not sure if it goes directly through.

14:56 Adam Hold on a second.

14:57 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No, it goes through, it's called Prince Albert, I don't know if you used to be a tattoo person.

15:01 Adam It goes straight through the head.

15:02 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce He means through the top on the side. It's not directly through the urethra. That's not possible.

15:06 Adam The people call the Shore retards. And one of the, I'm telling you, and here's how I know they're retarded.

15:11 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce They're special.

15:12 Adam Yes, they're specially, they're specially retarded. They cannot explain things. And to me, this is just a basic IQ test. Like, can you describe something?

15:21 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce But they're nervous, Adam. They're nervous. They're calling. You know, they don't know if you're going to make fun of them. Some of them have really serious problems. But wait, what was the thing about him getting her pregnant? What was the pregnant blood?

15:32 Dr. Bruce He has a couple of questions.

15:33 Adam I'm not done with the penis yet. But, and the idea... Well, the idea that you're putting... I spend the better part of each day keeping sharp objects away from my penis. That's all I do. You know, it's in bubble wrap right now. I pack it. You know, before I leave, here's what I do. I wrap it with bubble wrap, then I put duct tape around it, then I put it into a UPS pouch with the foam peanuts and I pack it into that and then I wrap more duct tape around the ass and toes. I mean, it takes 20 minutes and a box cutter to find my penis and it makes going to the bathroom difficult.

16:08 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce What is lurking in the depths of your subconscious that you come up with these things?

16:13 Dr. Bruce I'm not lying.

16:15 Adam I pack my junk like I'm sending it overseas, you understand? And the idea that you're going to take a spear and push it through the head of your penis and then push another, it's just like it makes my teeth hurt.

16:30 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce That's his lifestyle choice, though.

16:32 Adam I know, but it smacks of something wrong.

16:36 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yeah, but in other parts of the world that's considered, you know, it all depends on the culture. This is a Western culture.

16:41 Adam And close your eyes and picture the cultures that pierced her penis. All right. There you go.

16:46 Dr. Bruce Now, he's 16.

16:47 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce We still haven't talked about white chicks yet. Yeah.

16:49 Adam Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's so let's hold on. We're going to get the white chicks. Okay. So anyway, I have two penis piercings. You had sex with your girlfriend on her period.

17:03 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

17:03 Adam And by the way, this guy has a stump penis. What won't it do?

17:10 Dr. Bruce What do you need?

17:11 Adam I'll jump Snake River Canyon on this penis. Evil can evil. Periods? Fine. Spears? Whatever. Hoops of fire? That's it. Take a crusty ass, light it on fire. I'll hump it. There you go. Your penis should be wearing a cape. It's really. It's the world's greatest stuntman.

17:33 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce It's okay, though. But wait, he has a question.

17:34 Adam Oh, yeah.

17:35 Dr. Bruce He has three questions.

17:35 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce I'll try that.

17:37 Adam You're not going to get her pregnant when she's on her period. I know there's technically a chance it could happen, but it's in true likes to scare everybody. But the reality is, there is a small chance.

17:46 Dr. Bruce Well, the point is, you don't know for sure that she's on her period. And that's the whole issue is when there's bleeding and somebody assumes that this is the period it may not be. And people have gotten pregnant in those situations. But the most the thing I'm most concerned about is if you have redness and swelling, you can develop a cellulitis of the penis just like you develop a skin infection anywhere else in your body. And if you have swelling and redness, you need to go to the emergency room like right now this evening. All right. So I'm not saying you have flesh eating disease, but that is a type of cellulitis. And as we don't you got to get it. You got to get it checked out this evening. That's very important.

18:23 Adam And this evening.

18:24 Dr. Bruce Yeah, because he could get something that was by the morning, he could wake up dead, wake up green or Marley's foot fell off.

18:34 Adam What happened to Bob Marley?

18:35 Dr. Bruce I don't know.

18:36 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yes. He didn't treat an infection on his foot.

18:39 Adam See how tough it is being a black man.

18:41 Your limbs fall off.

18:42 Adam You got to get the big rims. It's a tough life. Yeah.

18:46 Dr. Bruce Didn't you have a brain tumor? Didn't you ultimately have a brain tumor?

18:48 Adam I didn't hear about the foot part.

18:50 Dr. Bruce But you know, I believe it. People that have diabetes and developing skin infections in that area, there's a certain very malignant form of infection.

18:58 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce His foot didn't fall off. It became shriveled.

19:00 Adam Get to the hospital. That's what he should do.

19:03 Dr. Bruce And then if you start getting into people that have lots of piercings, and I don't want to have all the piercing people calling and complaining, but lots and lots of piercings that are sometimes other issues.

19:12 Adam They're issues.

19:12 Dr. Bruce Lurking in the...

19:13 Adam Definite issues. So quiet down. Jessica. White checks. I hear this movie is funny.

19:21 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce It is really funny, actually.

19:23 Adam What is your part in it?

19:25 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce I play a character named Tori, who is... along with Busy Phillips, who was in here the other day, and Jennifer Carpenter. We play the three best friends of Sean and Marlon Waynes in their female form as the Wilton sisters. Or maybe they changed it to Wilson sisters, I don't remember. But we are their three best friends. We have grown up with them, and we actually believe that they are the original girls. And I play Tori, who is kind of the Axis on which the insanity revolves, and those three girls are kind of the controlling, know-it-all, sassy redhead. I'm a redhead in the movie. I'm actually a blonde.

20:05 Adam What an actress. No, I mean, that takes guts. Look at Bruce over there with that red hair.

20:14 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce It was Keenan's idea that 12 hours before our first shot, I was a blonde and he came into the makeup trailer and he stood behind me and scrunched up his face in the mirror and he was like, now what are we going to do with this hair? And I was like, what?

20:27 Adam He made you into a redhead?

20:28 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce And he said, put the red wigs on. I was like, great, red wigs, ooh, fun. And he was like, now get the dye. And within three hours, I was a redhead.

20:36 Adam Oh, so they put the wig on first just to see what it would look like. And then once they liked the look, they dyed it.

20:41 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yeah, it actually takes two weeks to make a custom wig, which would have happened. But Keenan had the inspiration 12 hours before we shot. So they convinced me that Keenan has a vision.

20:51 Adam Yeah.

20:52 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce And so that's what happened.

20:53 Adam Let me tell you about Keenan. If you came in with red hair, he would have switched it to blonde.

20:58 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce That's his thing.

20:58 Adam That's his thing. He likes to manipulate.

21:00 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce He took an anaphyrus from a blonde to a...

21:03 Adam That's what he does. He manipulates.

21:05 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Black hair.

21:05 Adam He manipulates.

21:06 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Well, he's...

21:07 Adam That's the way the waves.

21:08 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce He has a vision.

21:08 Adam Way the waves.

21:09 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Way the waves. Yeah, I play the pill-popping, chain-smoking, martini-swinging, control-freak publicist who's trying to get the boys into the Hamptons magazine.

21:19 Adam Now, the story, the girls, I didn't know this until Bizzy filled this in on it.

21:25 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce What did Bizzy tell you? She's on Conan right now as we speak. I'm busy.

21:29 Adam She can't hear anything.

21:31 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Quaking in her boots. On a psychic level, she can hear me.

21:34 Adam They they the Wayans brothers play not just any blondes, two blondes that are I don't know what happened to the two blondes, but they're two existing blondes.

21:44 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yes. I mean, you know about those two blondes.

21:47 Adam What happens just for clarity, if Bruce and I were going to do the equivalent movie and we're going to become black women, we we we would just be black women. We would be the the Williams sisters. You'd be like Serena Williams. I'd be Venus Williams, the tennis players. You see, the two people that already existed is what I'm saying. So what happened to the original two blonde chicks? Can you tell us?

22:11 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yeah. The original two blonde chicks are this is how this whole story begins. Sean and Marlon Wayans are FBI agents who endanger their job by incorrectly pulling off a scam falls flat and they're assigned to the outcast position of picking up these two socialites at an airport instead of hitting the beat on the street.

22:32 Adam Well, they play by their own rules.

22:34 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce I imagine they play by their own rules and it doesn't work the first time. So they get, you know, they get the the crappy job. And they are assigned to pick up these two heiresses and escort them home to the Hamptons from the airport. But suddenly there's been a rash of kidnapping heiresses. This is why they are escorting them. They go to pick up the girls. There's a little dog, a little mishap happens in the car, which I can't really divulge at this moment. But it ends up that the women are disfigured to the point that they refuse to go to the Hamptons. And it has been assigned as their job to escort these girls there. So they decide, it's a long explanation. They decide to become these women. And they lock the other two women in a hotel room. And all the scientists come in and do the masks and the legs and the suck it in and the shave it and the snap it.

23:28 Adam And they fool even their own parents.

23:31 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce There's no parents happening in there.

23:33 Adam Even their best friends.

23:34 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Even their best friends. And we have to be pretty vapid and vacuous to be.

23:39 Adam Yeah, well, that's right. You're getting high. You're popping pills.

23:42 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce You're drinking. Suspend the disbelief. It's a comedy. If someone goes in there thinking, oh, if your immediate first thought is, oh, well, they don't look like the original two girls, you should get up and leave the theater because it's such an inane, ludicrous comedy in the first place, you kind of have to surrender to it, and that's where the fun begins.

23:57 Adam Well, listen, pay, buy your ticket.

23:59 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce It's funny.

23:59 Adam Go in and then leave.

24:01 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce It's actually funny.

24:02 Adam Oh, I mean, hang out and laugh. I hear it's funny. I think Siskel, Nieper, Roper, Roper, Nieper. Whatever. I think they gave it, I think it got two thumbs up. It got two thumbs up. All right, Jessica. Yeah. Jessica Cauffiel is here tonight. She is in White Chicks.

24:22 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Two thumbs up.

24:23 Adam I'm pretty sure. We'll take ourselves.

24:26 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce The redhead in White Chicks.

24:27 Adam She's the red in the white. We'll take just a quick break and we'll be right back after this. Hey everybody, it's Love Line. Jessica Cofield is here.

25:04 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Cauffiel.

25:05 Dr. Bruce Cauffiel.

25:07 Adam What'd I say, co?

25:08 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Michigan, he said, Cauffiel. And then he said Cauffiel, like a true Detrider. Cauffiel.

25:14 Dr. Bruce And I'm not Dr. Drew.

25:15 Adam Yeah, I'm gonna write it phonetically.

25:16 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce And this is Dr. Bruce.

25:20 Dr. Bruce He's doing a crossword question.

25:22 Adam Oh, I said Dr. Drew is here? It's tough, eh?

25:26 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce How many years? I mean, really.

25:27 Adam Here's the thing about radio. So much of it is just autopilot. It really is.

25:32 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Well, we're connecting, aren't we?

25:33 Adam No, we're having a moment. But you just get used to saying the same thing over and over and over. You have to do it. Otherwise, it just, you know, I do the show high and drunk, you know. Otherwise, I'd screw up, you know. Board certified physician, Dixon message, if I had to think about that every time, I'd screw it up every time. All right. All right, but Bruce is a board certified physician. Yes, believe it or not, Dr. Spaz is certified. Dr. Drew will be back next week. All right, White Chicks, name of the movie, came out yesterday in theaters as we speak. If we all band together, we can make it number one over the weekend.

26:14 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Join hands.

26:15 Adam Join hands and rush to theater. All right, let's speak to Robert, who's 17. Robert, what's happening?

26:23 Caller All right, I just have a quick question. This might be more of Adam's area, but I masturbate about like four to six times a day sometimes. And I was wondering, will that like mess up my penis or will something go wrong in like the long run or?

26:41 Adam Yes, yeah. No. Listen, Robert, you don't care, this is a bogus call.

26:49 Caller No, I swear to God, I'm serious. I'm dead serious.

26:51 Adam He sounds serious.

26:52 Dr. Bruce Yeah, he sounds serious.

26:53 Adam All right, what'd you say, four to six times?

26:55 Caller Yeah.

26:56 Adam All right, so that's a little light. You may wanna step it up a little bit. I like to see in the eight to 10 range by let's say the end of the summer. Yeah. No, you're fine.

27:06 Caller No, cause I mean, I was normal about it until my friend, we were talking about it and you said that I'm gonna mess up my penis or something and I started thinking about it.

27:14 Adam Yeah, okay, listen, do you mess up your legs walking? Do you mess up, you know what I mean? Do you mess up your bicep doing curls?

27:23 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce You could.

27:23 Dr. Bruce If he's using Drano as a lubricant, he can mess something up.

27:26 Adam Yeah, stay away from the PRL and you'll be fine. Yeah.

27:31 Dr. Bruce But that's normal.

27:35 Adam That's a bogus call. Let's stop defending Robert.

27:39 Dr. Bruce I don't want it to fall off.

27:42 Adam Look.

27:42 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce You forgot what it's like to be a 17 year old, they think like that. Yeah.

27:46 Adam If your penis fell off.

27:47 Dr. Bruce I forgot and he's still. Rested development.

27:50 Adam Forgotten. I'm not, I'm 15. If your penis fell off from excessive masturbation, half the guys in the country would be running around with their dick in their hand. Let's face it.

28:01 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

28:01 Adam Obviously it's not gonna come off.

28:03 Dr. Bruce But Robert calling. To talk to you about masturbation. I mean, he's coming to Mecca. No, it's bogus. The Mecca of masturbation.

28:08 Adam That's true.

28:09 Dr. Bruce And Adam is the guru. So why, it makes sense to me.

28:13 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce All right.

28:13 Adam But still, that's a half bogus call. He doesn't think it's gonna fall off.

28:19 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Where are the relationship problems in those questions?

28:21 Adam Yeah, where are they?

28:23 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce We've had uterus chafing, I mean, what's him?

28:27 Dr. Bruce The next call I've chosen will satisfy you. Melissa.

28:31 Adam Melissa? You're 17?

28:34 Caller Yes.

28:35 Adam What's up?

28:36 Caller My girlfriend, Angelina, she feels that if we have sex, she will be awkward afterwards.

28:46 Adam And you know it. Why'd you drop her name? It's another bogus call. How dare you? I'll thank you not to call this show again.

28:55 Dr. Bruce Wait, wait, wait. What was this calling from 29 Palms? Any effort from 29 Palms to reach out to him, to some of the things not a podcast?

29:02 Adam Why, just because it's the surface of the moon?

29:05 Dr. Bruce It's a ways out.

29:06 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce I heard it's nice there.

29:07 Dr. Bruce It is a great place, but it's sort of remote.

29:09 Adam They couldn't have just made it 30.

29:11 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce What happened? Did you drop the call? She's still there.

29:13 Dr. Bruce She's still there. Adam's just dying.

29:16 Adam Let me tell you something. If I was-

29:17 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Why would you say her name?

29:18 Adam If I was in charge of 29 Palms, I would just say, look, we're either going down to 25 or we're gonna make it even 30. 29 is driving me insane.

29:25 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No, because nine plus two is 11 and that's the number of mastery, Adam. Don't you see in numerology?

29:30 Adam 11 is the number of mastery?

29:31 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yeah.

29:32 Dr. Bruce The 29 is a prime number, so.

29:34 Adam Melissa? Yeah, all right. This is a bogus call.

29:39 Dr. Bruce Okay, well-

29:39 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Is it a bogus call, Melissa? Why don't we ask her? Well, you-

29:45 Dr. Bruce You mentioned someone's name and that's a telltale sign it's a bogus call.

29:49 Adam You're calling Angelina your girlfriend and you haven't done anything with her.

29:58 Dr. Bruce How is she-

29:59 Adam All right, listen, I can't talk to anyone who does the three Mississippi before they answer every question. It's not gonna work.

30:06 Dr. Bruce Okay, well, here's another relationship.

30:09 Adam She's fine.

30:09 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Give us a profound one. Somebody call from-

30:12 Adam All right, 29 Palms.

30:14 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Big Sur or something. I'm gonna, aliens live in Big Sur. I love the people in Big Sur.

30:22 Adam Yeah, they're great.

30:24 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce They are.

30:25 Adam I don't know anybody in Big Sur.

30:27 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Have you been to Big Sur?

30:28 Adam I drive, you drive through Big Sur, but you never stop and talk to anybody.

30:32 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Of course you do.

30:32 Adam No, you just keep moving and you roll the windows out.

30:35 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce It's like Twin Peaks, Big Sur is like Twin Peaks.

30:38 Adam Big Sur is a spectacular country, by the way. I mean, better now almost anywhere on the planet. You take that coastline from San Francisco, Carmel, Big Sur in there, San Simeon. Ever go to Hearst Castle?

30:49 Dr. Bruce Oh, I love Hearst Castle.

30:51 Adam We're going, let's go tonight.

30:52 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce It's magnificent, let's get in there.

30:53 Adam Here's the point, we leave now, we can be rolling in there in time to catch the first bus going up the hill to Hearst Castle, about 7 a.m. And do you know what the stars look like right now?

31:04 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce They're so thick you can't see the sky and there's a shooting star every 10 seconds.

31:08 Adam We could go hit that marble pool and then maybe the indoor pool.

31:13 Dr. Bruce There's a book, Citizen Hearst, one of the most fascinating books I've read.

31:16 Adam We'll go, Jessica and I will bunk up in the master suite.

31:20 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yeah, with the fireplace.

31:22 Adam Yeah, they're going like Teddy Roosevelt slept in.

31:24 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce It's magical up there, it's magical up there.

31:27 Adam We're going up there, we're gonna make some magic.

31:29 Make some magic.

31:33 Adam What's up, baby doll?

31:34 Caller Hi.

31:39 First of all, how are you guys?

31:40 Adam Good. Good.

31:43 I've been friends with the guy for about 14 years. I'm 16, so I've grown up with him and I moved out to Visalia from San Jose and we ended up starting to talk and getting to know each other in that other kind of way except just as friends. We started hooking up for a while and he tried to hook me up with his best friend. So to get him jealous, I started hooking up with him.

32:10 Adam You said you started hooking up with him and then he tried to hook you up with his best friend?

32:16 And I confronted him about that. I told him, ìWhat do you think you're doing?î And he kind of passed me around and he said, ìNo, no, no, no. That's not that. It's just that he thought you were really pretty and he's really shy, so why don't you talk to him?î And I was like, ìAll right.î So I said I'd talk to him. I ended up liking his friend. We became boyfriend and girlfriend for about eight months. I broke up with him because I realized that deep inside I still had feelings for my best friend. And as soon as I broke up with him...

32:41 Adam This guy is your best friend?

32:42 Yes. And as soon as I broke up with him, I started to get the courage to tell him how I felt that I still had feelings for him. And he ended up coming out before me saying that he has a girlfriend and he hasn't had a girlfriend since he was 15. He's 19 now. And he's in love with her and stuff. And he has no idea how long I've been with him.

33:06 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Jessica's going nuts.

33:07 I'm going nuts over here.

33:08 Adam It's not going to work.

33:09 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce It's Marissa. He's not into you. I've got something to say here.

33:13 Adam Is your uterus facing Marigold?

33:15 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Let's be serious. Marissa, you're like me when I was 17. 16. I dated my high school sweetheart for seven years off and on. Can you believe it? And it was this funny kind of comedic little game or, you know, a joke by the gods that whenever I was dating someone, he wasn't. Whenever he was dating someone, I wasn't. And it went on and on. He was my best friend, really, for about five years before we ever started dating. And it kind of rotated like that naturally until the universe parted the season and all ended up breaking up.

33:52 Adam Best friends for five years and then dated for seven. When did you start dating him? Like the 10th grade or something?

34:00 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No, 9th grade.

34:02 Adam 9th grade.

34:03 Yeah, but about three weeks ago, he came out here to Lithuania and he cheated on his girlfriend with me. And I felt really bad.

34:14 Adam Listen, Marissa, let me.

34:16 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Okay, let me give you your best friend seat when you're 60. Yeah, but you never know. Hey, sometimes he could be the one that sounds silly.

34:26 Adam No, you're responsible.

34:28 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No, no, no, no. It is irresponsible in many ways, but I got to tell you, but back when I was that age and I was with my high school sweetheart and that's the same kind of thing that happened when I was 16. I mean, it's it's natural that you feel remorse because that means you have a good heart and you have your conscious and you're awake and you have feelings and and that's okay and you can talk with him about that.

34:50 But no, that means nothing.

34:51 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce And draw a boundary and draw a line and say that you won't do it again.

34:54 I called you the next day saying that it was wrong what we did, so I thought, wow.

34:58 Adam Let's listen. Jessica.

35:00 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Why is everybody getting on me?

35:02 Adam Let's listen.

35:03 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No, I've been through this experience. I'm not condoning it now, I'm just saying.

35:07 Adam Here's all I'm saying. This guy is a not a great guy. He's a manipulator.

35:12 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yeah.

35:13 Adam I'm not going to say he's a bad guy.

35:14 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce He's a Derpy.

35:15 Adam He's a manipulator. He cheats on his girlfriends. He used you for a physical relationship. He passed you off to a friend of his. He used you again for a physical encounter while he has a girlfriend. He's not a great guy. He is not in love with you.

35:30 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Wait, but did you ask her if it was a physical encounter or was there love there?

35:35 I really don't believe in that sort of love thing.

35:39 Adam Good. I'm glad you don't because you long for it. But yes, you long for this guy to love you. He doesn't love you.

35:46 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce He's emotionally unavailable but he's physically available.

35:52 Adam Now look, you're kidding yourself.

35:54 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Okay, I agree with you now.

35:55 Adam You're deluding yourself. You're delusional, Marissa. You're in love with this guy. He's unavailable, probably like your dad.

36:01 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce That's why you're in love with him, yes.

36:03 Adam And that's where the crazy attraction is. His friend is a nice guy and available and that's why you're not attracted to him.

36:09 Dr. Bruce You dumped him, right?

36:10 Adam And you dumped him. You want, you need...

36:12 Did you say like my dad?

36:13 Adam What's that?

36:14 Did you say like my dad?

36:16 Adam Yes.

36:16 Yeah, don't have a father.

36:18 Adam Where is your dad?

36:20 He's far away, somewhere, I don't know.

36:22 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce He's unavailable.

36:24 Adam Right, he's unavailable, he abandoned you and now this is what attraction is for you. Unfortunately, it's a horrible curse and I don't know why God would, or Mother Nature or Darwin or whoever would plan it this way, that the worse your dad was, the worse the guy you got to hook up with in your adult life. It's a horrible curse.

36:45 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce But it's there to teach you the lesson. That's my experience. You keep attracting that guy, no, no, no, until you hit a wall and then you realize, oh my God, I've been dating my father and that's when the recovery starts.

36:54 Adam Three kids and 25 years later.

36:56 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yeah, but not everybody happens when they're 60.

36:59 Adam Yeah, sometimes it never happens.

37:01 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce I realized it in my early 20s.

37:04 Adam You're smart, you're good looking, you're not from Visalia.

37:10 Dr. Bruce Marissa, you're 16 and you're an entanglement that are going to make it very difficult for you to figure out what's going on and if you can listen to what Adam's saying about your dad and try and just stop all the relationships and go get some help because you're acting out based on things that have happened to you.

37:27 Adam And it's just going to keep you going.

37:28 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce It's a pattern that's manifesting itself consciously.

37:30 Dr. Bruce But how do we get Marissa to recognize that because until she does.

37:34 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce It's to have someone to talk to, a therapist, an analyst, someone you can sit with who has an objective.

37:39 Dr. Bruce Right. But right now, she's asking very superficial questions that don't address what's really going on.

37:43 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Because she doesn't consciously realize that the pattern is that the pattern she's going through.

37:48 Dr. Bruce Marissa, you understand?

37:49 Adam Yeah. She understands. I put her on hold. She's, her head is spinning like a dreidel. She's 16. Her poor dad abandoned her or her poor, you know, family.

38:01 Dr. Bruce Right, if we can plant a seed of awareness so that at some point, like, we'll put this off in two years.

38:05 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yeah, in two years, after you've dated the same guy maybe three or four more times, same type of guy.

38:10 Adam Don't get pregnant. Go to college. Find Jesus Christ.

38:14 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Or Allah or Buddha or Krishna or any of those.

38:16 Adam They're all great. They're all fantastic. Especially Allah.

38:20 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce One truth, many paths.

38:22 Adam Don't get them off of the 9-11 thing.

38:25 Caller No.

38:26 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce One truth, many paths. Whatever floats your boat.

38:28 Adam No judgment. Nobody's my hero except for Jesus. I was, yeah.

38:33 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce What did that say?

38:34 Adam Who is the world's greatest transsexual that was on this show? The world's angriest transsexual.

38:38 Dr. Bruce Nobody's my hero except for Jesus.

38:41 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Wait, what did it say?

38:43 Adam No one's his hero but Jesus.

38:44 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Nobody's my hero except for Jesus. You know what drives me crazy? Those bomber stickers that say Jesus is God read the Bible. Aren't those?

38:54 Adam Relax, relax. Everyone cool down.

38:56 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Everybody's God read my lips.

38:59 Adam All I can say is, is I was skipping a rope in my living room tonight with my headphones on and the TV on and the sound turned down and I saw the headlines, trouble, crisis in the Middle East. And I thought, oh, what could it be now?

39:13 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Once new.

39:14 Adam Oh, oh, you could knock me over with a feather.

39:17 Caller Trouble in the Middle East.

39:20 Adam What's next? Water in the ocean? Oh, my God, there's a crisis. Something's going on in Israel. Oh, no, I'm sure they'll have it sorted out by the weekend. That was my thought.

39:32 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Something's been going on in Israel since time began.

39:34 Adam Crisis in the Middle East. But again, it's not the people and we cannot judge. Those are the two things.

39:40 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No, but this is human nature. This is if you look through history, this is the cycle of history.

39:44 Adam The region is cursed. The soil is bad. No, not the right. It's bad soil. That's all. It's not the people.

39:49 Dr. Bruce What?

39:50 Adam It's not the people.

39:51 Dr. Bruce It couldn't be the people.

39:52 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce The human nature just repeats itself.

39:53 Adam It's impossible that it's the people or the religion or any of that. It's impossible. It has to be something in the ground water or something. No, cannot have. It's it's it's it's it's cannot have. Everyone is wonderful. Everyone's the same. Everyone's beautiful. That's all. Based.

40:07 Dr. Bruce No, cannot have.

40:08 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Something in our ground water here. What are you talking about?

40:11 Adam No, cannot have. This is my falafel stand ramping. No, no, you cannot have. No, no mixing. No, cannot have. Read the manual. No, no, get fired. No. Yeah. Yeah. Go to the Zanfoo Chicken and enjoy yourself. Jessica Cauffiel is here tonight. Yeah. Nailed it that time. White Chicks. Name of the movie. We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back.

40:32 Caller Hello. This is your radio.

40:38 Adam Sex and the City on TBS with five nights of great sex all this week.

40:42 Caller Then watch the very first episode next Tuesday at 10, nine central. Go miss a fling now on TBS.

41:02 Adam No better radio talent than Bruce, who stumbles in the second the mics go high and goes, are we late?

41:08 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce He was helping me find chocolate.

41:11 Adam He's yelling into the mic, are we late?

41:13 Dr. Bruce You can care less about the guest's needs. You're just self-absorbed.

41:17 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Adam, I didn't have to change my pocket, and Adam wouldn't even put the money in the machine for the chocolate, and I'm the guest.

41:23 Adam You know, I literally became a millionaire, or became a liberal millionaire, not by buying every guest who blows through here a candy bar.

41:31 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce I'm not blowing through here, I'm gracing through here with my little tin presents.

41:35 Adam That's true.

41:37 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce I'm blessing the radio studio.

41:39 Adam Let me tell you something about Jessica. Jessica's been working in movies and television for too long, cause she's like, where's the candy?

41:46 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce And we're like, yeah, there's supposed to be a room with the little thing, with the things.

41:49 Adam So we walked you over to where the candy was, and it was in a machine that I had to put money in. Let me tell you where the candy is.

41:58 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce And the coffee was made six hours ago.

42:00 Adam The candy in a radio station is the same place they keep the candy at the airport and at the prison. It's in the vending machine, understand? You gotta buy it.

42:09 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce What's the metaphor?

42:10 Adam And she's like, Jessica's like, well, where's the, I thought you were, I said, baby, this is radio. I almost had to quit to get decent coffee in here.

42:20 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yeah, and you should have seen them tonight. They were really scared because there was no coffee mate and Adam has to have his coffee mate and they said he wouldn't go in the air, right? Cause you draw clear boundaries and that's why you're on Loveline.

42:29 Adam Basically, here's what happened. After six years of using stuff that was just labeled as whitener, powdered whitener, which was really just, you know, they've been banging on child.

42:40 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Ground up bone marrow, it's like ground up bone marrow.

42:42 Adam Yeah, I said, we got a little milk in here and we gotta get a little Starbucks. Not a fresh cup of Starbucks, just get a sack once a week. And I asked the program director and they said no. So I said, I was gonna quit. So they eventually got it.

42:56 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce What about White Chicks?

42:57 Adam What about White Chicks? You guys had craft service, catering.

43:02 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Oh yeah.

43:02 Adam You work on a movie.

43:03 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce We all got a little plump on that one if you look closely.

43:07 Adam Food everywhere.

43:07 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce We're a little plump.

43:09 Adam You know the weird-

43:10 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce It was Vancouver, it was cold. There were cookies on a table.

43:13 Adam The thing that's crazy about the industry is death in the industry is getting fat. If you get fat, that could spell a career ending. A career ending. Yeah, even if you're a guy, even if you're, if you think you're gonna be a leading man and pack on a few pounds, that ain't gonna work either. But especially if you're a woman. In general, you get fat, it's not good for your career in the industry.

43:37 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Right, unless you're a character actor, like Jennifer Coltrane in League League One. Don't cramp on my point.

43:41 Adam My point is, is you're shooting your 16-hour days, you have five hours of downtime in between setups and lights and stuff. And there's nothing but food and nothing to do. And it's all free and it's the best. And you just sit around staring at the craft service table thinking, don't eat, don't eat, don't eat. But you can only do that for about four hours before you go over there and start grazing. Right. And it's really, and the other second thing that'll ruin you in the business is like substance abuse, alcohol, drugs or whatever. Every present you ever get in the business is booze. So it's like, don't get fat, don't drink, here's some booze, there's some M&M's.

44:21 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce There's some chocolate.

44:22 Adam There's some s'mores, there you go, knock yourself out. Yeah, every gift is either, is big baskets filled with cookies, muffins and booze. Like they're trying to, it really is a mixed message.

44:32 Dr. Bruce Self-destruction.

44:33 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce There's a dichotomy.

44:34 Adam That's right, that's right. But Jessica has overcome that dichotomy.

44:38 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yes, I have.

44:39 Adam Now, meanwhile, we gotta get her some change to get into my work.

44:43 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce I want some peanut M&M's because they taste good and this is when I get to have treats.

44:48 Adam You should see Drew, by the way, when he gets the peanut M&M's and the thing cycles and it stops right at the edge and doesn't fall down. Drew throws a forearm shiver into the thing. He's like a linebacker. Yeah, I mean, he throws his shoulder into it. He goes nuts. He spazzes on the thing. It's scary.

45:07 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce He seems so calm.

45:08 Adam He's a passionate man. He's passionate about his ladies and he's passionate about his snacks. Do not take either one away from him. Ladies? He was passionate about his ladies. Now he's passionate about his lady.

45:24 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yeah, white chicks.

45:26 Adam Out in theaters as we speak. Funny, funny, funny, funny.

45:31 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Funny, and there's a hip hop dance off with like eight white women and it's worth it just for that.

45:37 Adam Emily? You're 17? We got 45 seconds. Your dad groped you when you were a year, last year? Emily? Your dad groped you when you were 16 years old? He must have been drunk, was he drunk? And he was sober and he touched you inappropriately at 16. And what, did you tell him to stop?

46:11 Caller Yes, we were like wrestling or whatever, because we were like in a self-defense class and he just groped me, I was like, holy shit, sorry.

46:20 Adam Whoa, hold on, he, all right, wait a minute. I gotta put her in a hole, we gotta take a break. He groped you in the self-defense class? I mean, right next to the guy who you kick in the groin? You know what I mean?

46:32 Dr. Bruce Doesn't meet the profile for the father abuser.

46:35 Adam I'm putting Emily in a hole, I feel bad for her. On the other hand, she dropped the S-bomb. So we'll get back to her and her groping and her class and all that after this.

46:46 Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me.

46:48 Caller So what's up?

47:00 Caller 877-889-DATE.

47:03 Caller Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

47:08 Dr. Bruce This hour brought to you in part by Axe.

47:11 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Experience the Axe Effect.

47:20 Adam Hey, everybody, Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Bruce. Dr. Bruce filming for Dr. Drew, board certified and all that stuff. Drew back sometime next week. Yeah, good question. Jessica Cauffiel's here tonight.

47:37 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Hello.

47:38 Adam She is from the new movie, White Chicks. Yes, it is coming out.

47:44 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Like another planet.

47:46 Adam She's representing the movie, White Chicks. White Chicks.

47:49 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce The redhead.

47:50 Adam Which you've seen the advertisements for, surely. It is coming out, well, it came out yesterday. So it'll be out tomorrow when you get to the movies. All right, let's finish up with Emily, who's 17. Emily says her dad, who's a very religious man, groped her, yes, during, while you were wrestling. Yeah.

48:17 Maybe her dirty mouth like turns him on, perhaps.

48:19 Adam During a, and listen, Emily, you can't use profanity on the air.

48:23 Caller I'm sorry, it's wet.

48:25 Adam I know, but you need to contain yourself. All right, so your father, is he like a born-again Christian? Jewish. See, the phone line, there's this really, there's this crazy, horrible curse, which is we can't hear the answer, everyone listening can hear the answer, and so we seem like idiots because we say, huh, what, huh, what, and everyone at home or in their car can hear the answer, except for the people in this studio.

48:54 Dr. Bruce In this modern facility, they can't get the telephone straight. It is, he or she.

48:57 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce This is a modern facility.

48:58 Dr. Bruce He's a sterile modern facility, as you know.

49:02 Adam All right, so we'll try to get through this. You were in some sort of self-defense class with your father?

49:08 Caller Yeah, we were at home practicing, and it started with him like groping over the clothes, and then it progressed to him groping underneath my shirt. And then one day we were in the pool, and we were like wrestling around in the pool, and he fingered me, like, not, okay, he made penetration, but I hit him when I realized what he was doing, and he decided he didn't want to swim anymore and got out.

49:30 Adam Well, maybe he's just very thorough in his rape simulation. And I mean, a lot of guys really create an environment, you know, all right. How old are you?

49:40 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce How old? Is that natural to wrestle with your father? No, he...

49:44 Adam Look, well, she was raised by this guy, so who knows what her reality is. But this guy, if he wasn't drunk or high, hopefully has a brain tumor, or is just so colossally effed up, if what you're saying is true, that I wouldn't even really consider him my dad.

50:02 Dr. Bruce No, sounds dangerous, actually. Dad, do you have any sisters in the household, or your mom's still around? What's your family like?

50:11 Caller Okay, my parents divorced when I was two. I moved in with my dad like four years ago, and so I could be homeschooled. There's an 11-year-old girl, and I have a six-year-old boy in the house. And he told me not to tell, so I didn't tell. I waited a year to tell, and I couldn't handle it anymore. I told my mom that way, because he stopped like in October. He stopped doing anything.

50:34 Adam What does he do for a living?

50:35 Caller He's a firefighter.

50:38 Adam And he's just a religious fanatic who homeschools his kids?

50:45 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Wait, so you weren't raised by him, but you moved in with him in a later point?

50:50 Caller No, we had visitation rights.

50:52 Adam He converted to Judaism?

50:54 Caller Yeah, he was like Christian, and then he went Jewish.

50:58 Adam Yeah, this is not the work of a true Jew. This is the work of a convert. Cheap imitation. Like Sammy Davis.

51:04 Dr. Bruce Yeah, this is Sammy Davis type.

51:07 Adam Yeah, this is a Rabbi Shmueli move. This is a Sammy Davis move. Yeah, the Jews don't molest. That's not their thing. No. They do other things.

51:16 Dr. Bruce Okay, so you reported this to your biologic mother?

51:19 Caller Yes, that was like two or three weeks ago.

51:22 Adam And what did she do?

51:23 Caller Okay, we went to the police department and filed a report. Then I talked to a detective, and now it's sitting on the DA's office, on the desk, waiting to see if it's pressed charge.

51:34 Adam And where are you living now? You're not living with him anymore?

51:38 Caller No, I went the next day and got most of my clothes and my immediate things out of the house and filed a protective order. I left my mom.

51:48 Adam Okay, Emily, here's the good news. The bad news is your dad's nuts. The good news is you're really, really sane. You did the right thing. And I'm sorry for what he did to you, but here's the whole thing, everybody. Feel free. Here's what you need to do. So you're smart. You react correctly to trauma. Everything's good with you. You should get your grades good. You should go to college somewhere. Your dad, don't ever feel guilty about pressing charges or anything like that. And here's the worst part. Here's what everyone needs to do. If your parents are bad, if your parents try to hurt you, they try to molest you, it's okay to write them off. It's okay to label them as a bad person and walk away from them. And the problem is you start feeling guilty and remorseful and all that kind of stuff, and that's what ruins your life. They ruined your relationship, not you. You reacted appropriately. He tried to sexually take advantage of you. That is bizarre behavior for a father. And if you never talk to him again, it's perfectly appropriate.

52:55 Dr. Bruce And she wants to know if she's more likely to act out because of what happened to her. I think you've already answered the question.

53:01 Adam Be careful when you choose a boyfriend. Your instincts will be bad initially, but you're smart, you're taking care of business, you get a little therapy, and you'll be fine.

53:13 Dr. Bruce And the message is there are safe adults out there, and if you're being victimized, even if it's your parent, somebody that will do this is very sick, and they will make you feel guilty, as if you're bad and you've caused it to happen.

53:26 Adam He's assumed to be the only Jewish fireman, by the way. He's converting. He's in Oklahoma. He's a fireman. He's going to be the only Jew firefighter in Oklahoma. I can guarantee you that.

53:39 Dr. Bruce Well, she said he's fanatically religious, maybe some Jewish offshoot sect. It doesn't even sound.

53:45 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce I don't even think it has anything to do with that. It's just the disease. It's the disease in him. That's his sickness. I mean, you wouldn't let a friend do that. You wouldn't let a stranger do that. So that doesn't guarantee your father the right to also do that.

53:58 Dr. Bruce But sometimes perpetrators get involved in sects like that to have better access to vulnerable individuals. So when you talk about an extreme...

54:05 Adam You say sects or sects? That's confusing. All right, because let me tell you what the Jews say to firefighting. Something they say, you got fae, fae to firefighting. There's no Jewish firefighters.

54:17 Dr. Bruce My father.

54:19 Adam Jewish?

54:19 Dr. Bruce My father's...

54:21 Adam What is he? What's his religion?

54:23 Dr. Bruce Well, he went to church with us his whole life, but he was a deputy chief in the New York Fire. He works here right to the top.

54:29 Adam He says fae to fire.

54:31 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Just because someone says they're religious doesn't mean they're spiritual. And the act of being spiritual is practicing in all your affairs of awareness, of consciousness, kindness, compassion. And religion doesn't mean anything.

54:41 Dr. Bruce Exactly.

54:42 Adam Wait a minute, Emily. Was he just, you know, he just convert to Judaism, as we know it, or was it one of those crazy, fanatical sects of the religion?

54:53 Caller It happened over time. I don't really understand your question.

54:56 Dr. Bruce Well, is he going to just a regular temple, or was it sort of an offshoot group of people practicing some weird form of Judaism?

55:06 Caller Well, it's like, messianic Jews believe in Jesus, but you know, Jewish things. It's like cults.

55:13 Adam Yeah, that's what we're talking about.

55:15 Dr. Bruce Some of those guys are a little off the wall, some are very sincere, so who knows? This guy is obviously in the latter.

55:20 Adam Well, either way, it's important not to judge.

55:23 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yeah, the great thing is that you took care of yourself, and you drew that line, and you immediately put yourself in a safe place, and you should congratulate yourself for that and feel good about it.

55:31 Adam He should go, you know, he should go to Israel, plenty of fires over there, plenty of car bombs going on.

55:36 Dr. Bruce Maybe he should go to Iraq and Seoul.

55:38 Adam Yeah, head over there, head over there.

55:40 Dr. Bruce Sell some Bibles.

55:40 Adam Be with your people, return to your land, and enjoy. Enjoy it, because it's a utopia you guys have carved out for yourselves over there. It's wonderful, we can't judge. That's all I know.

55:50 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yeah, but you can also forgive him, but that doesn't mean you have to condone him, because there's a difference between that.

55:55 Adam No, listen, screw him. He's religious or not.

55:58 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No, I mean, you draw the line, he's out of there.

56:01 Adam Look, anybody who gets heavily into religion is already a little suspect to begin with. It always means there's something going on that's not right.

56:08 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce That's not true.

56:12 Adam Anybody who finds Jesus Christ halfway into life is an ex-junkie or, you know, shot their partner, business partner or something like that. The born-against, all ex-gang bangers who stab someone in the neck and then they can't sleep, so they find Jesus Christ. And it's the Judaism. It's all a disaster.

56:30 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Holy moly.

56:32 Adam I can say whatever I want.

56:33 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yeah, you can.

56:33 Adam I'm just tired of all the religious crackpots running around this country and us having to have the reverence for them.

56:39 Dr. Bruce Please, please.

56:41 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce See, man's decrepit behavior has put a stigma on the word religion. The word religion, the origin of the word religion is discipline in Latin. It's practice or discipline. It just means to practice or be disciplined in faith, but man has skewed that to such an extreme that spirituality has become polluted.

57:04 Adam All right, here's all I'm saying about religion and spirituality. First off, shut your pie hole, everybody, with your crappy religion. I've got an asshole of you and your crap. First off, nonsense.

57:16 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce You need a colonic.

57:17 Adam You guys, and believe me, if you idiots believed it for one second, you'd shut up about it, but you don't believe it. So you got to spread it on, everybody. Hopefully, if you can convert somebody, maybe you'll believe it a little more. You're insecure about it. Shut up with your crappy religion. I'm tired of hearing it. I don't care what is Muslim, Jewish, Christian, Catholic. Shut up. It's nonsense. And just keep it to yourself.

57:40 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Please. Yeah, true spiritual practices is within that person, not about...

57:44 Adam They don't believe it, by the way. That's why they freak on you if you tell them you don't believe it, because they don't believe it.

57:49 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Well, they're trying to validate their own beliefs by converting you.

57:52 Caller But then, that's just...

57:53 Adam They're what you call pussies who are scared to die. They're hypocrites.

57:58 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce They're hypocrites. Well, there are a lot of hypocrites, but that's what they're going through. That's natural.

58:01 Adam Well, I'm going to die, so I've got to create some sort of fantasy about visiting my grandparents and my dog in the mansion of God.

58:10 Dr. Bruce Most of these people that are extremists don't reflect the gods they believe in.

58:14 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No, and they don't practice the principles in their affairs. The actual scriptures that they cite and quote, they do not practice in their daily life, and that's what spirituality is, is living it. Instead of talking about it, just being it.

58:26 Adam Once you just get into Lord of the Rings or something, you want a nice fantasy.

58:30 Dr. Bruce Go to Middle Earth.

58:32 Adam Get into D&D and leave the retarded religion alone.

58:36 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce But you've hit the nail on the head, Adam. If it's a fantasy, then it's not truth. And if it's truth, it's real. And if it's real, that's spiritual. You keep it to yourself.

58:43 Adam All right, just everybody shut your fat pie hole about your crappy religion.

58:48 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Adam's got some issues.

58:51 Adam And I'm tired of the reverence and the respect we all have to have for all you retards with your nut job fantasies.

58:58 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Well, if anyone demands respect or reverence, that's just ego, and that's not humility, and true spirituality is humble and kind and quiet.

59:06 Adam All right, yeah, and listen, if you really, just please, just kill yourself and meet your maker, would you all? He's not out there.

59:15 Dr. Bruce Oh, he's out there. He's gonna be pissed at those kind of people.

59:19 Adam Who is he? Yeah, because how else could the planet have got here unless somebody created it? Not somebody. That's great. That's great thinking, everybody. Adam. No other way. Impossible. The planet couldn't be here unless somebody created it. Yes, that's great thinking. What's your proof?

59:39 He's there. What's your piece?

59:41 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce He's she. There's no identity on him.

59:44 Adam Everyone, just take your retarded fantasies and shut up.

59:47 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce What makes your heart beat, Adam? What's the electrical impulse that's moving your body around?

59:51 Dr. Bruce What? What?

59:52 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce It's in you, that whole God thing that's inside of you. That's in you. That's what moves you around.

59:58 Adam All right. All right. That's it. There we go.

1:00:00 Dr. Bruce We had achieved the consensus, I think, earlier.

1:00:02 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yeah, we actually have achieved the consensus.

1:00:04 Adam Let's go back. Let's go back.

1:00:06 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce It's really simple, actually.

1:00:08 Adam We're all going to be with our maker.

1:00:10 Dr. Bruce This is right along the lines.

1:00:11 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce We are our maker. You are the maker.

1:00:13 Adam Idiots. This is a Christian religion. Adam? You're 17?

1:00:19 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce That was a heated thing.

1:00:21 Dr. Bruce No, 21, man.

1:00:22 Adam 21. What's up?

1:00:24 Dr. Bruce Actually, first of all, thanks for saying that, Adam. I've been waiting for somebody to come out on public radio and say something like that. Religion sucks. It needs to go away. Anyways, I just started dating this girl a few months ago, and she is really religious. She's got a lot of moral convictions about her, and I am not so much. I drink. I party around, sleep around, but I'm a good person. You know, I mean, I'm not a, I'm very good person.

1:00:49 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce That's a contradiction, son.

1:00:51 Adam You can party around and sleep around and be a good person. Yeah.

1:00:56 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce In denial.

1:00:57 Dr. Bruce I party around and smoke weed. It doesn't make me bad.

1:00:59 Dr. Bruce No, it makes you self-indulgent.

1:01:00 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce There's no such thing as good and bad.

1:01:01 Dr. Bruce It makes you immature and self-indulgent is what it makes you.

1:01:03 Dr. Bruce There you go. That might be it.

1:01:05 Dr. Bruce Okay. It's an observation.

1:01:08 Adam There's nothing wrong with being self-indulgent if you treat other people fairly. You know what I mean? You can do both. You can indulge yourself and be fair to other people.

1:01:17 Dr. Bruce Right. But it's being honest and accurate about what he's describing yourself as.

1:01:22 Adam That's what he is.

1:01:22 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce I'm kind and honest with yourself and others.

1:01:26 Dr. Bruce But Adam, wouldn't you agree that there's spirituality and there's religiosity? And religiosity is not a good thing. Spirituality is a good thing.

1:01:33 Dr. Bruce And that's very true. And if you need spiritual guidance to make it, everybody needs something to hold on to. Otherwise, this life is useless and you become like Adam.

1:01:44 Dr. Bruce You know, so I don't know about that.

1:01:46 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No, but religion is confining. Spirituality has is infinite.

1:01:50 Adam That's right.

1:01:50 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No limits.

1:01:51 Dr. Bruce And that's wrong.

1:01:52 Adam Spirituality is is religion for people have over a hundred IQ. That's basically what it is. It's just somebody who knows what they're in. And then you got the people, the couple brain cells are rubbed together who get in the spirituality. That's what it is.

1:02:06 Dr. Bruce I live here in Memphis. I see that all day, all the Hicks. Anyways, question is, do you think it's possible to be a Hicks? All we know is all the religious Bible belt. But God bless them.

1:02:16 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce I mean, if you want to use the G word, they're doing their thing, they're going through it. Everybody has to make choices in life and just like you do. They're human, just like you.

1:02:25 Dr. Bruce So what's your question, Adam?

1:02:26 Dr. Bruce Okay, what do you guys think about this though? I mean, this girl, you know, like I said, has a lot of moral convictions. She doesn't do anything, never drank, never... Is there a possibility it could work out? I mean, you know, I mean, what do you think can somebody like that maybe come a little bit my way if I went a little her way and...

1:02:41 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yeah, all right.

1:02:42 Adam Yeah, it'll work. I mean, she's religious and...

1:02:45 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No, it's never gonna work.

1:02:46 Dr. Bruce The question is, what is it that attracts you to somebody like that? Because you've got a situation here.

1:02:51 Adam She's hot. That's what attracts...

1:02:54 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Bruce has got a point.

1:02:55 Dr. Bruce You know, that was first off, she was gorgeous. All right. And that's anybody who says looks don't matter.

1:02:59 Adam She's an atheist. She goes for hot chicks. That's what she does in atheists.

1:03:03 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce She's attracted to him because you're probably emotionally unavailable and she wants to save you.

1:03:07 Adam Well, we don't know that she's into him, though.

1:03:10 Dr. Bruce No, it doesn't matter.

1:03:11 Dr. Bruce No, see, this is it. I've already gotten her to give up a little bit of her... I don't know, reservedness, I guess.

1:03:17 Adam What? She give you some oral sex?

1:03:19 Dr. Bruce No, no, no, just a little boobage. But still, it's a big step for a big religious girl, you know?

1:03:26 Dr. Bruce She's a challenge, right? She may be gorgeous, but she's a challenge. And there's a challenge thing there. There's a lot of girls you've already had. Here's some girl that's really good looking and she's unavailable. She's probably unavailable emotionally, but she's also got this value system that doesn't allow her to act out with you.

1:03:42 Adam Look, here's all you need to do is don't blow the spleef in front of her. Pretend you're, you know, semi-religious. Give her the spirituality line.

1:03:50 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Respect her beliefs and honor them. Don't try to change them. Just let her be herself.

1:03:54 Adam Because everyone's right and we can never judge. That's a little trouble in the Middle East. That's all right.

1:04:02 Dr. Bruce It's all we're offering Adam in terms of...

1:04:05 Adam Adam Lakers has evolved since I met him. The Jews, the Palestinians, it's all gonna work out.

1:04:12 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce It's all gonna, it all is always fine. It's all gonna work out.

1:04:14 Dr. Bruce The nuclear haze.

1:04:16 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Hey, listen, I have a teacher who says the earth is like a dog with fleas and sometimes it's gotta shake them off. And this is a natural cycle of history. This is what happens.

1:04:24 Adam That's right.

1:04:25 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce If you read history, this has been happening since the dawn of time.

1:04:27 Dr. Bruce Sometimes the fleas bite the dog with a fatal disease.

1:04:30 Adam We gotta let a fogger off in the middle. Yeah, let's pop the holiday fogger, kill some fleas over there. That's all I'm saying. Let's tent the Middle East and get those fleas out of there. It's a great place.

1:04:42 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce But that's the same thinking. How does violence and violence begets violence? So how can you say, that means that's ludicrous.

1:04:50 Adam We should all hang back and let everyone do their own thing.

1:04:53 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Everybody just needs to celebrate the differences. We need to celebrate the differences in our cultures instead of trying to change them.

1:05:00 Dr. Bruce I think they were celebrating in the World Trade Center.

1:05:02 Adam Everything's great.

1:05:02 Dr. Bruce That was their type of celebration.

1:05:04 Adam That's the way they celebrate and we can't judge. They celebrate by flying commercial aircraft.

1:05:09 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yeah, but you can't say that's a sect.

1:05:11 Adam I know. I can't even judge the sect.

1:05:13 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce You're talking about extremists.

1:05:15 Adam Can't even judge the sect. That's the way they celebrate. We may celebrate by playing a tambourine and singing they fly commercial aircraft into financial centers. But that's what they do and we can't point.

1:05:26 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce We can't point the finger. If we point the finger, there's four more pointing back at you. So you just have to be the change you wish to see in the world.

1:05:33 Adam I'm sorry we did anything in World War II. We shouldn't have never judged Hitler, later Stalin. We should have just, you know, Japanese enslavement camps and whatever. Let them do whatever they want. We can't judge. Everything's good.

1:05:46 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce But judgment, no, no, no. There's a difference between judgment and discernment.

1:05:50 Dr. Bruce Well, that's a good point.

1:05:52 Adam Yeah.

1:05:52 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce You know, you can discern and make conscious action with that awareness, with discernment, but judgment is a very black and white.

1:06:00 Adam And we can't.

1:06:01 Dr. Bruce Once you discern, you have to.

1:06:03 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce You can discern. You can say, this is not healthy, therefore, I'm going to take action to stop it. But judgment is, you understand the difference?

1:06:11 Dr. Bruce Adam's discerning and then judging. He's just talking about the judgment portion without just going through his discernment.

1:06:17 Adam All right. You have crazy semantics over here with the judgment.

1:06:21 Dr. Bruce I'm clarifying.

1:06:22 Adam My head's going to explode. Let's keep rocking. Come on. We got kids. We got to talk about kids. Maddie? I'm done beating up religion. I want to talk to some 14-year-olds.

1:06:32 Dr. Bruce How about Canadians? Do you have any comments? She's in Ontario. Are you in Ontario, Canada?

1:06:36 Dr. Bruce No, California.

1:06:37 Dr. Bruce Oh, God.

1:06:38 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Where in California?

1:06:39 Dr. Bruce Ontario. It's halfway between here and San Bernardino. That is bad.

1:06:44 Adam I consider it.

1:06:46 Dr. Bruce Were you raised in Ontario? No, it's all cows.

1:06:49 Adam Yeah, that's considered.

1:06:50 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Cows, yeah, I grew up in Michigan.

1:06:51 Dr. Bruce Did you know that each cow produces 120 pounds of fecal matter a day?

1:06:57 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yeah, oh, don't give me that cow stuff.

1:06:59 Dr. Bruce In Chino, next to Ontario, there are what, 250,000 cows?

1:07:02 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No, I don't know.

1:07:03 Dr. Bruce I listen to them and I smell them and it's not good, you know?

1:07:06 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce That's what's eating away those only.

1:07:08 Dr. Bruce They just passed a new clean air initiative out there that's going to affect how many. They have to clean up them in her four times a year now instead of twice.

1:07:15 Adam Really?

1:07:15 Dr. Bruce Seriously, it's just passed recently.

1:07:17 Adam OK, but don't you got a city council meeting to make out in Ontario?

1:07:20 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No, but for all the trees they chop down to make room for the cows to pass and release their methane. They have to plant more trees to equal the carbon dioxide and the oxygen ratio because the methane is eating away those on there. These are scientific facts.

1:07:33 Adam No, listen, I know about the methane problem. I have one in the Corolla house. I drive a small car. Maddie? All right, go ahead. I'm sorry, Bruce had explained to you a city council ordinance that was passed this week. Go ahead.

1:07:51 Dr. Bruce Well, my dad is an alcoholic and he was abusive, not necessarily towards me, but to my mom. And they divorced when I was seven. And I just want to know if that was going to affect me in the future with choosing...

1:08:08 Adam He was abusive to your mom and you saw it.

1:08:10 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:08:11 Adam Yeah. Well, that's damaging, but not as bad as if he was abusive to you.

1:08:15 Dr. Bruce Yeah.

1:08:16 Adam But it will shape your judgment, perception of a man.

1:08:20 Dr. Bruce The boundaries will tend not to be as healthy as they should be.

1:08:24 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Was he verbally abusive with you?

1:08:27 Dr. Bruce Well, yeah, sometimes, but it just came up, me thinking about it, because I was listening to Loveline and I was thinking about all these people calling in and them needing counseling and stuff, you know, for it, and I told my mom about it, that maybe I should get some kind of help, just to help me through it. She thinks that I don't need it.

1:08:48 Dr. Bruce Okay, who's been the adult male in your life that's affected you the most? Is it him? Have you had a close relationship with another adult male, a dad figure?

1:08:59 Dr. Bruce Well, I have a stepdad also, but-

1:09:03 Dr. Bruce Are you close to him?

1:09:04 Dr. Bruce Oh, close to him?

1:09:06 Dr. Bruce Is there an adult male that you're close to, in which you have a healthy relationship? No.

1:09:14 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Can I speak from my own experience here? Hey, it will affect you, but it's nothing to be afraid of. I came from what one would call a dysfunctional family, but the thing is, is I learned so much from that. And there are programs out there, there are 12-step programs for friends and families of alcoholics that really, for me, when I was a teenager and going into my twenties and through my twenties, gave me the tools to understand the patterns in my life and the kind of men I attracted, the kind of friends I attracted, and it gave me a set of tools really to be able to be aware and conscious of those patterns. And it doesn't mean the patterns stop, but you have an awareness and you realize that you have a choice. And you should be very proud of yourself for making this call because it means you're waking up and you're seeing that in order to prevent that or handle it more easily. So I think it's something.

1:10:09 Dr. Bruce So Maddie, you understand what Jessica's telling you?

1:10:11 Adam Go to Allateen.

1:10:13 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Have you ever heard of Allateen?

1:10:15 No. All right.

1:10:16 Adam That's it. Okay. Everyone quiet. Here's what you need to do. Write down Allateen. You can call information and find it and go to an Allateen meeting and don't worry about your mom.

1:10:26 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce And by the way, your mom's probably still in denial.

1:10:30 Adam You take an advice from your mom. It's like asking directions from a blind man. She doesn't know what she's doing. She married the idiot in the first place.

1:10:38 Dr. Bruce Yeah. All right.

1:10:39 Adam So your mom's an idiot. Forgive her, but move forward.

1:10:44 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce She's sleeping and you're waking up and you're taking the initiative. And that's a really, that's a really good thing.

1:10:50 Adam That's right.

1:10:50 Dr. Bruce Excellent.

1:10:51 Adam Great metaphor. She's asleep and you're awake. That's right. All right. Let's take ourselves a little break, shall we?

1:10:59 Dr. Bruce We will talk to Sarah, who's three months pregnant, took an abortion pill and it didn't work and she wants some advice on what to do.

1:11:05 Adam Yes. Jessica Cauffiel is here tonight from White Chicks out in theaters as we speak. And we'll be right back after this.

1:11:24 Caller Sex and the City on TBS with five nights of great sex all this week. Then watch the very first episode next Tuesday at 10, 9 Central. Don't miss it.

1:11:40 Adam It's a little Loveline, Amanda. She is in White Chicks. She was explaining to me that there may be a ghost in my house, and that I gotta open my third eye.

1:11:53 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Well, no, I did not say that. It's 1923, and then you've got another one, it's 1927, and I said, are there any ghosts? And he said, if you believe there's gonna be ghosts, there's gonna be ghosts. But he said he's never seen a ghost, or felt one, I said that's because, you know.

1:12:06 Adam Because I'm from North Hollywood, and we don't have ghosts.

1:12:09 Dr. Bruce North Hollywood.

1:12:10 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Because you can't see, you're not open to them, but they're around.

1:12:12 Dr. Bruce The third eye is an anal wink in North Hollywood.

1:12:14 Adam If you, look, if you're-

1:12:16 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce He's not looking with his third sight.

1:12:18 Adam Yeah, here's the thing. I didn't say it. They don't really have ghosts, but if you're looking for anything, you'll find it. So if you're looking for a ghost, you'll find a ghost. If you're not looking for a ghost, you won't find a ghost.

1:12:28 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce That's not true, I've walked in the houses, and I've known there was a ghost there, and when we were doing Legally Blonde 2, Alana Yuvak and I, in place of Serena, and I play Margot, and they had run in a house by the Huntington Gardens, and they had, where we were shooting, and then they also rented out the house next door to the left, as a green room, and the family was actually in this house, it was kind of strange, and our dressing rooms were the bedrooms of this family's house, but there was food, there was a craft service. So we were sleeping, we wanted to take a nap, because all you do is sit around on movie sets and eat and wait and sleep and read books. And so this woman who owned the house said, you can go up to the daughter's bedroom and take a nap there. And I said, okay, because I was really tired. So I went up to this bedroom and I laid down, and I woke up because I thought someone was in the room. I thought it was Alana. And I realized, you're gonna laugh at me, but there was something there, and it was like a little girl. I didn't see it. No, I felt it, and I got freaked out. I jumped out of the bed, and I started screaming, there's a ghost, there's a ghost, there's a ghost. And I went into the kitchen, I looked at the owner of the house and I said, do you have a ghost in this house? There is a ghost of a young girl in here. And she wouldn't say anything. I said, is there a ghost? And she said, oh, I've never seen anything. And then I went to the husband who was in the next room, and I said, do you have a ghost in the house? And he's like, yeah, it comes on and off for five years. And then he just, then he told me the whole story and I knew it. And then it got around on the set and then no one would go in the house. And the woman came out and apologized to me while I was standing next to the craft service table and said, sorry, we didn't tell you about the ghost. You know, it hasn't been. Yeah, it was a real serious thing.

1:13:58 Adam They just thought you were doing blow up in the bathroom.

1:14:01 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No, I'm serious. It was really frightening.

1:14:04 Adam And so who was the ghost?

1:14:06 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Did they know who the ghost was? They said it was definitely a girl. And it's for the last five years since they had moved in and went in cycles and it disappeared for a couple of months and just lights on and off, doors opening and closing, little poltergeist kind of things. Nothing frightening, but it really scared me because I was asleep. And that's the, I thought Alana was standing next to the bed and it wasn't Alana. I didn't see it. I just felt it scared the crap out of me.

1:14:32 Adam I mean, maybe you got a better antenna than I do. I just, I don't have the ghost antenna. So I never seen a ghost.

1:14:37 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce You're kind of born with it. It's kind of that.

1:14:39 Adam I like to said, no one from the San Fernando Valley was born with a ghost antenna.

1:14:46 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Nobody from Studios City or Terminox.

1:14:48 Adam It's like, here's what I'm starting to really realize. Like, you know, nobody grew up was allergic to anything. Like nobody had all the magical allergies that everyone has now to almost everything. No one was allergic to anything and nobody saw any ghosts. And I just realized poor, stupid people, they really just can't afford to be really allergic to stuff. And they're not in a ghost either.

1:15:13 Dr. Bruce While I was reading the article today, they're encouraging parents to allow their kids to get in touch with dog fur and dirty things early on, the first year of life. So their body starts to accept the allergies.

1:15:26 Adam Before the article you read about methane in Ontario, or is this after?

1:15:30 Dr. Bruce Oh, well, that's not a medical topic.

1:15:32 Adam Sarah?

1:15:33 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce No, that's an environmental topic.

1:15:34 Adam Sarah, you're 23, what's up?

1:15:36 Caller Hi, I took the micro or misoprostol abortion pill.

1:15:45 Adam Do they call it an abortion pill?

1:15:47 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce In a day after pill?

1:15:49 Dr. Bruce No.

1:15:53 Adam Right. Is that like the RU486 pill?

1:15:57 Dr. Bruce It's different.

1:15:58 Caller I think that's what they call it, yeah.

1:15:59 Caller What's, well, hold on.

1:16:00 Caller It's not the technical name of it.

1:16:02 Adam Hold on. What's different about it? It's not the RU486 pill?

1:16:06 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce This is after three, right?

1:16:07 Dr. Bruce You know, to tell you the truth, I don't know a lot about it, other than if it doesn't always work, if it doesn't, question I'd have for her, did she follow up with her physician?

1:16:15 Adam Why, what's different about it than the RU486 pill?

1:16:18 Dr. Bruce I don't know anything about the RU486.

1:16:20 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce RU486 is taken within three days of the accident, so to speak.

1:16:24 Dr. Bruce No, no, no, that's the morning after. That's the emergency contraception.

1:16:27 Adam Listen, you want me to kill myself? Why isn't this, why did you say no when I said it's like the RU486 pill?

1:16:33 Dr. Bruce Because I don't think RU486 has been released. I think this is a different-

1:16:38 Adam Yeah, we have it. We have it out. I mean, does this, no, I'm saying, is it like it? It does the same thing, right? Right, right. All right, well, stop disagreeing, then, reflexively. Sarah?

1:16:48 Caller Uh-huh?

1:16:49 Adam Sorry.

1:16:50 Dr. Bruce Okay, do you have a NASFOL at Bruce?

1:16:53 Caller I'm sorry, what?

1:16:53 Dr. Bruce Did you follow up with your physician? That's the question.

1:16:56 Caller Two weeks later, yeah, I did. And they said it was too late by then because it didn't work from the first day.

1:17:02 Adam Okay, right.

1:17:03 Dr. Bruce So what's their advice? I mean, that's-

1:17:05 Caller Well, they told me that I need to get the actual physical abortion done in their clinic or whatever, but I'm too nervous to go do that.

1:17:13 Adam Well, here's the thing, and I would imagine once you try this pill, you have to have a physical abortion otherwise, there's no problem.

1:17:21 Caller Right, because now I have the possibility of having damage done to the baby.

1:17:23 Dr. Bruce Right, so what are you gonna do?

1:17:25 Adam Or you have a super baby.

1:17:26 Caller Well, I'm almost out of time now, but I don't know. I'm really scared to go in and get it done because I'm a wuss, I guess.

1:17:32 Adam Well, look, no. Do you have a friend? Do you have somebody you can lean on?

1:17:36 Caller I have a couple people who have taken me down there, but I was in a bleeding.

1:17:39 Adam What about the guy whose baby it sort of was?

1:17:43 Caller He kind of did me in left while I was sleeping. That's why I didn't even in this position.

1:17:47 Adam Okay, so he's out of the picture.

1:17:49 Caller You're right, he's gone.

1:17:50 Adam All right, I want you to find your best friend. I want you to drink a wine cooler. I don't know what the medical implications are.

1:17:59 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Your best friend.

1:18:00 Adam A little shot of a wine cooler. Let's basically give you a shot of brandy. Take the edge off. Drink a wine cooler, get you two best friends and go down there and tell them, do not let me leave until this procedure is done. I mean, you have to do it now.

1:18:15 Dr. Bruce Yeah, you're old enough to understand the responsibility part of this and having to make certain choices in life that you don't necessarily look forward to or want to do. This is something you have to do, because you're responsible for this. This, uh...

1:18:28 Adam So whatever it is now. And I don't know what the percentages of these pills are, but I do know they don't work all the time.

1:18:34 Dr. Bruce Right, they're, I don't know, 10, 15%.

1:18:36 Adam They don't work 10 or 15% of the time?

1:18:38 Dr. Bruce I believe that's the case. I'm not an expert in that area.

1:18:40 Adam What's her name?

1:18:42 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Sarah. Sarah?

1:18:43 Adam She's gone.

1:18:43 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce She's gone? Well, she'll probably still listen. Sarah, the thing is, is that in this day and age, the majority of women, fortunately or unfortunately, have had the experience of going through this medical procedure. And many women go through it every day and they come out the other side and they're fine. I mean, there's the requisite emotional processing you have to go through with the experience, but it is a relatively safe procedure that many people make it through very often. It's just now you're taking responsibility for your actions and taking the next step and you'll be fine.

1:19:14 Adam I'm surprised by the way, when the clinic found out the pill wasn't effective, that it wasn't incumbent upon them to perform the procedure like, hey, we gotta do this now.

1:19:25 Dr. Bruce Well, you're not going home. But she has to sign a consent. And so if a person's-

1:19:31 Adam I know, but it seems like when you're handing out the abortion pill, part of that procedure is, and by the way, here's a supplementary form which says if it doesn't work, you're coming back for a medical abortion.

1:19:44 Dr. Bruce It probably is. The bottom line is you cannot tie a person down and perform the procedure. And this is just people's right to choose.

1:19:51 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Is there a violation here?

1:19:52 Adam Valerie?

1:19:53 Caller Yeah.

1:19:54 Adam You're 28? I mean, 18? What's up?

1:19:58 Caller I was, me and my boyfriend were having sex like not too long ago, like in April. And we did it about nine or 10 times. And it like hurts every time. And I was wondering if it was like an easier way to do it. Like, cause it's not that thing inside that has to be like broken or moved or something. Like he doesn't go all the way up because it like hurts really bad.

1:20:22 Adam Hey Valerie?

1:20:23 Caller Yeah.

1:20:24 Adam I want you to find your high school health teacher and kick them in the nuts. First, number one, and tell him he failed you completely in his attempt to teach you. What the hymen is. That thing you're talking about the hymen?

1:20:38 Caller Uh-huh.

1:20:39 Adam Yes?

1:20:40 Caller I actually, I'm not really sure what it's called.

1:20:43 Adam All right, like I said.

1:20:45 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce The cherry.

1:20:46 Adam Knee to the groin of your health teacher.

1:20:48 Dr. Bruce Is this the first person you've had sex with?

1:20:51 Adam Really? I'm gonna see, now I'm confused because on one hand I smell junior college, on the other hand, she's not sleeping with enough people to go to junior college.

1:21:01 Dr. Bruce Absolutely.

1:21:02 Adam Junior college, Valerie?

1:21:04 Caller No, actually I did home school.

1:21:07 Adam Oh, that's, all right, you gotta knee your dad in the nuts then, that's where the whole Hyman discussion fell through the cracks.

1:21:15 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce She's experiencing as natural for some women.

1:21:19 Adam So you're going to, are you out of homeschooling now?

1:21:22 Caller I'm out of high school.

1:21:23 Adam You're going off to college? What college are you going to?

1:21:33 Caller Yeah.

1:21:33 Dr. Bruce Really?

1:21:33 Adam And without knowing what a Hyman is.

1:21:37 Dr. Bruce Well. I'm just curious. So it's a state university system? S-U-N-Y or?

1:21:43 Adam The phone lines are all over the place. Here's the thing. I don't think Valerie has her Hyman, otherwise she wouldn't be able to continuously have sex.

1:21:51 Dr. Bruce It's an incomplete membrane to start with. Many times it's damaged or broken by other activities.

1:21:58 Adam Mine looks like Swiss cheese.

1:21:59 Dr. Bruce It's not that big a deal. Not every girl has bleeding first time having intercourse.

1:22:06 Caller Hello?

1:22:07 Dr. Bruce Hello?

1:22:08 Caller Yeah, but I was thinking, like I asked him if like he could, because if I can know your ovaries are like down there and if he could like press on them, like with his thumbs and at the same time, like go up. And did you think that that's like a harmful way of doing it or just like, just do a regular and have it just break regular?

1:22:26 Adam Here's your plan, Valerie. I'm gonna, I know you've done some home, you've been in the home, doing the homeschooling. You gotta, do you have a home gynecologist? Does your dad have stirrups? You gotta get out of the house. You have to go to a gynecologist. You're sexually active now. You have to get on birth control and you have to have yourself checked out annually. You understand? And your boyfriend sort of conducting experiments on your vagina or trying to do a little home surgery or any of that, it's all out of the question.

1:22:56 Dr. Bruce Have you had a pelvic exam ever? Okay, listen to me. What you need to do, and especially with the type questions you're asking, find a female gynecologist or go to family planning where there's a woman that's great at talking about having sex for the first time. That can point out to you things, explain how things are done, and it'll make everything, all the problems will go away.

1:23:21 Adam So can you do that? All right.

1:23:24 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Get a medical dictionary and look at diagrams, too.

1:23:27 Dr. Bruce They'll sit down with their family planning or if you get a good empathic woman gynecologist.

1:23:32 Adam This is a problem with the homeschooling, by the way.

1:23:35 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Yeah, you gotta know what a vast deference in the hymen is.

1:23:39 Adam I mean, it's important.

1:23:42 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Most men don't even know what a menstrual cycle is. Do you know what they think? There's one hole, they're all confused. I mean, they think you urinate out of the same...

1:23:48 Adam You can't pee with a tampon in, that I know. It doesn't make sense that you can pee with it. If I put a tampon in me, you know, the front side, I don't think I can pee. All right, here's my point. I don't know who decided like nine years ago that homeschooling was cool and acceptable. It should really, it should be as acceptable as like home surgery. Like hey, I'm a nutty parent. I'm a Christian scientist. I'll do my own surgery on my child. The parents would be arrested immediately. This is nonsense. We're gonna keep our kids home and teach them the way we wanna teach them. And by the way, there's no social interaction. Who the hell knows what the hell you're learning or not.

1:24:32 Dr. Bruce Parents get together that have their kids homeschooled and they supposedly have social events.

1:24:36 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Depends on the parents.

1:24:37 Dr. Bruce It all depends.

1:24:38 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce I have friends that are homeschooled and they're.

1:24:39 Adam Yeah, they're nuts.

1:24:41 Dr. Bruce It's a mess.

1:24:42 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Everybody's nuts.

1:24:43 Adam Look, and here's the ironic thing about the homeschooling is that's the last thing these kids need is more time with the screwed up parents. And that's exactly what you're getting. Your parents are, ironically, it would be okay to be homeschooled by parents that didn't want to homeschool you. Those are decent, hardworking people. You're crazy, religious zealot folks who don't want you to get any input from the outside evil world. Not jobs. I really, kids just should go to school, shouldn't they?

1:25:14 Dr. Bruce Well, they should find a good raccoon family.

1:25:16 Adam And by the way, how do you get to college? What do you even do? I mean, okay, you take the FATs, don't you have to have grades and things? Your mom's your PE coach and your health teacher and your biology teacher. I mean, this seems to seem like nonsense.

1:25:32 Dr. Bruce There are organizations that help parents structure homeschooling curricula so that at the end they put forth a very, very...

1:25:40 Adam Here's the whole thing. The homeschooling plan would be a great plan if the kid never left the house. I mean, if he went to college at home, married at home, raised a family at home, but eventually they leave and then they just become social retards. And that's the problem. It is. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Hello. Drew. What are women most attracted to?

1:26:10 Dr. Bruce Confident guys.

1:26:11 Adam That's right. You can't buy that confidence. At least you couldn't until now.

1:26:14 Dr. Bruce What do we got?

1:26:15 Adam You got Axe Deodorant Body Spray. Oh my God. Spray that on. It's like slathering on the confidence. Jessica Cauffiel is here tonight from White Chicks, out in theaters, As We Speak.

1:26:46 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce People are laughing, As We Speak.

1:26:49 Adam It is getting great reviews and great feedback, and Busy Phillips is here, and now Jessica here, so.

1:26:55 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Busy Phillips is a blonde. I'm the redhead, but blonde in real life. And then there's Brunette and Jennifer Carpenter.

1:27:01 Adam You have to go see it. You have to.

1:27:03 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce The three white chicks, the actual white chicks.

1:27:06 Adam Alexis?

1:27:07 Dr. Bruce The real white.

1:27:08 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce The real white chicks.

1:27:09 Adam You're 15, you wanna know if it's okay to date a 21 year old? Yes? No, it's not.

1:27:16 Caller Well, actually we're not exactly dating, we're just good friends.

1:27:20 Adam Yeah, well that's fine.

1:27:22 Dr. Bruce Why does this guy wanna be friends with a 15 year old? There's something wrong, stay away, break off the friendship, run in the other direction. It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. If he has more, if he's talking to you at all, it's.

1:27:35 Adam It's creepy and you don't know it until you're 21 and you look back at a 15 year old or you have a 15 year old yourself or whatever it is. Especially women, when a woman is 15, she thinks she's an adult, she really does. No one can tell her anything, she's an adult. And if you're an adult, well, so you date a 30 year old, 35 year old, 28 year old, you're not an adult. And what you don't know is how flawed these guys are. That's really the catch 22 of dating someone that's significantly older than you when you're 15. Only an a-hole would date a 15 year old who was supposed to be, you're supposed to be graduating college, you're dating someone's in the ninth grade. You're an a-hole.

1:28:22 Dr. Bruce This guy's closer to a child molester than he is to a decent normal guy.

1:28:26 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce He doesn't want to be your friend.

1:28:27 Dr. Bruce No, he wants in your pants.

1:28:29 Adam Yes, and look, even if he just wants to be friends, just wants to hang out, that's creepy. That's creepy.

1:28:36 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce When you're 21, you'll understand.

1:28:38 Dr. Bruce Right.

1:28:38 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Looking back at someone who's 15.

1:28:40 Adam That's right. Jack? You're 14?

1:28:43 Caller Yeah, I am, and I just want to say, Adam, how could you let those two guys take over the man show?

1:28:49 Adam Well, it wasn't my choice.

1:28:50 Dr. Bruce It's a long story.

1:28:52 Adam It wasn't my choice, but go ahead.

1:28:53 Dr. Bruce You have a question? You want some help with?

1:28:55 Caller Yeah, I do. I'm 14, and I got a lot of hair on my body, and I hang out with Tixenio all the time, and I find some of them like it, but some of them don't. Yeah, some of them won't.

1:29:08 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Stick with the ones who like it.

1:29:10 Dr. Bruce Some of them will like you, and some of them won't.

1:29:12 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Always.

1:29:12 Adam It's a part of you. Some of them means about 3%.

1:29:15 Caller Yeah.

1:29:16 Adam Tops, yeah.

1:29:17 Caller But most of the ones that like it aren't all that attractive.

1:29:21 Adam Yeah, well, here's the thing, Jack. Let me give you a harsh dose of reality here. If you're 14 and you're already kinda hairy, you got a tough road to hoe. Believe you me. Number one. Number two, I've not met a woman that likes a hairy guy yet. They don't mind a little sprinkling on the chest, a little something to lather up the hair, but any back or ass hair freaks him out.

1:29:43 Dr. Bruce But unless he's planning a career as a metrosexual, who cares?

1:29:46 Caller Yeah, that's who he is.

1:29:48 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Whoever accepts you for who you are is the right person.

1:29:51 Adam And women, you'll...

1:29:52 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce With the hair.

1:29:52 Adam Women will not be attracted to that hair.

1:29:55 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce And when you're old enough, you can get waxed.

1:29:57 Dr. Bruce Lasered.

1:29:58 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Lasered.

1:30:00 Adam Yeah, so it's a wonderful laser head on my neck.

1:30:03 Dr. Bruce I didn't do it though.

1:30:04 Adam Lindsay, you're 20, what's up?

1:30:07 Caller I think I have a problem.

1:30:09 Caller I think I'm a sex addict, ironically. Once I got out of high school, I had been dating the same guy for two years. We broke up in December and from January to about April, I slept with a different guy every couple of nights and girls. I've been dating the same guy for about three months and he finds it a little annoying when I demand sex from him three, four times a day.

1:30:37 Adam Three, four times a day?

1:30:38 Caller Uh-huh, it got me that bad.

1:30:42 Dr. Bruce Okay, so you definitely have a problem. And whether you call it your sex addict or you wanna look at the roots of it.

1:30:49 Caller Well, I didn't even know that was anything until I got really into the TV show, Nip Tuck and I was like, oh my God, cause a couple of times I wouldn't even know that I had slept with a guy and just like.

1:31:00 Adam Oh, you're getting drunk and blacking out?

1:31:03 Caller No, not drunk, I don't drink.

1:31:05 Caller I've only got drunk like twice in my life.

1:31:09 Adam Why do you say you didn't even know you slept with a guy?

1:31:11 Caller Because I'd wake up and I just wouldn't remember any of it.

1:31:14 Dr. Bruce Yeah, so you're splitting off in. You've had abuse in the past.

1:31:19 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Bipolar person.

1:31:20 Adam Totally sober, totally sober, have no recollection of a sexual encounter.

1:31:25 Caller Part of it's because I also found out in the last like six months I'm bipolar. And I'm on medication.

1:31:34 Dr. Bruce Jessica called him.

1:31:35 Adam All right, listen, Lindsay, were you horribly abused? Were you sexually abused?

1:31:42 Caller No, nothing.

1:31:43 Dr. Bruce Oh, something, I guarantee you something.

1:31:45 Adam Something split you off.

1:31:46 Caller There's nothing.

1:31:47 Dr. Bruce No, no, no, wait a second, wait a second. Listen to me, you're saying you don't remember encounters you've had in the last few months and you're telling me that there's no way something happened when you were much younger, it was extreme.

1:31:57 Caller Not two months, I've been dating the same guy for three months now.

1:32:01 Adam No, no, I'm talking about when you were seven. Nothing, where's your dad? Is he alive?

1:32:05 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce What was your child's life?

1:32:06 Caller Yeah, my dad, he's a wonderful man. He's always there for me. He's never done anything for me.

1:32:11 Adam Okay, okay, then you have to go to a psychiatrist because there's a problem, there's an imbalance.

1:32:17 Caller Well, the reason that I called is because last night at four o'clock in the morning, my boyfriend woke me up and said I was masturbating in my sleep.

1:32:24 Adam Well, that's not...

1:32:25 Caller And he woke me up and I'm like, what are you talking about?

1:32:29 Adam That's the least of your arms.

1:32:30 Caller Well, that's like...

1:32:32 Adam All right, listen...

1:32:33 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce We don't wanna say something really quick.

1:32:35 Adam We're out of time, it's a problem.

1:32:38 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Bipolar manic depression, that's also one of the symptoms is... Yeah. Sex addiction, hypersomnia, insomnia, eating patterns, all those things are indicative of...

1:32:49 Adam Go to the psychiatrist.

1:32:51 Dr. Bruce And get the psychiatrist to refer a good family therapist or psychologist that can spend extensive time working with you.

1:32:57 Adam Thank you. Okay, we'll take a break. Here it is, Bottom Line, it sucks being single today.

1:33:03 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects. Call the Dateline, call the Dateline, call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE. Love Line will be right back, so get your problems ready. Ready.

1:33:19 Dr. Bruce This hour brought to you in part by Axe.

1:33:21 Caller Experience the Axe Effect.

1:33:29 Adam Well, that's the show. Where did the time go?

1:33:31 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce Where did it go?

1:33:33 Adam Jessica, God bless you, baby doll.

1:33:34 Jessica Cauffiel with Dr. Bruce God bless you, honey buns.

1:33:36 Adam Yeah, thanks for coming out. Come out anytime. White Chicks, Name of the Movie, out in theaters as we speak.

1:33:43 Dr. Bruce Nobody's my hero except for Jesus.

1:33:45 Adam Fantabulous job, as per usual, filling in for Dr. Drew. I wanna thank engineer Chris. I wanna thank engineer Anderson for doing a magical job on those potentiometers. I wanna thank phone screener Brian. I wanna thank junior, junior producer Lauren. And of course producer Ann for booking such great guests as Jessica. So until next time, it's Adam Crowell for Dr. Bruce saying mahalo. What about Johnny Rockabilly? Does he, is he a heavy thruster, Mr. Bill? I know this guy.

1:34:24 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Ingold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, June 24, 2004