Episode 1000623131178

0:52 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:00 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:02 Hey everybody, it's Loveline.

1:04 Voiceover That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Whoo. Yeah. Joe Escalante and Warren Fitzgerald, both here from The Vandals. Always happy when The Vandals show up in studio.

1:24 The Vandals Thank you.

1:25 Adam Smart, easy, nice, friendly, effortless, effortless show. And I think last time, I was just reading here, but it reminded me that Joe was one of the few amateur bullfighters in the United States. Remember that?

1:43 The Vandals I'm even better now.

1:44 Adam Oh, really?

1:44 The Vandals Still amateur, though.

1:46 Adam Well, how do you turn pro?

1:47 The Vandals You actually have something called an alternativa, where they give you the pink socks. And that's not even a joke. You're awarded the pink socks.

1:54 Adam The pink socks?

1:54 And you get paid for your work, then?

1:55 Adam I got the pink eye once when I fell asleep on the subway, Drew.

1:58 That's disgusting.

1:59 Adam Yeah. I woke up just after the guy finished. Couldn't have just taken my shoes. Nope. I had to finish on me. So you get the coveted pink socks, and then that's it for the Olympics, though. You're no longer... You give up your amateur status.

2:19 The Vandals Exactly. You're done.

2:21 Adam You know, here's the whole thing. I don't think you need to delineate between the amateur bullfighter and the professional bullfighter. It's all... You call yourself a bullfighter. We never...

2:30 The Vandals Thank you.

2:31 Adam We don't think about that. And I sure as hell know the bull doesn't care. It's just that we think bullfighter, bullfighter. That we pick a guy from an Elvis movie.

2:39 Drew It's kind of like a rodeo rider or something. It's like, you know, some guys are in their free time.

2:42 Adam Yeah, there's certain things, actually, what is a sport where you're really, where it's a big deal? Do you know what I mean? Like, it's a pretty big deal, like in baseball, between being a professional baseball player and being an amateur baseball player. One guy could be multi-millionaire, household name, next guy I never heard of doesn't make a penny. Bullfighting, just go ahead. You're a bullfighter. Thank you. That's good enough.

3:03 Drew Curling, curling.

3:05 Adam Yeah, I would have given you the pink socks the last time I saw you, had I not. The Vandals, I really do think some sports are made up just to f with people, like curling and the coveted pink socks. This is a way to confuse, upset, and make everyone feel as if they're high, like you were just creating. There are some sports, like when you're making up your own card game in a sitcom and you're trying to win money off your kid brother. That's what it sounds like. Oh, I have the instruction card. That means you can make a million dollars. Yeah, that's a deuce high instruction card. Well, I'll be taking that money. Oh, there's a snowy on it. That's a bonus. Oh, no. I miss that. I miss to do that in sitcoms. All right. So Vandals. Yes. The Warped Tour. Wait. Am I looking at the right place?

4:03 The Vandals Yeah, that's us Warped Tour. Every other year for the past million years.

4:06 Adam Vans Warped Tour is starting June 25th through August 3rd. You guys are on it during that period.

4:15 The Vandals Yes.

4:15 Drew And they have a new hit.

4:16 Adam The tour. I know. First hit in 20 years.

4:20 Drew Amazing.

4:21 Adam You know, I'm glad for the band, but I kept thinking, why did we have them on the show before? What was going on?

4:26 The Vandals Those are favors.

4:27 The Vandals We were wondering, yeah.

4:28 Adam Yeah, those were favors. Well, maybe.

4:29 The Vandals That's why we used to have to bring Josh Freeze.

4:30 Drew That's why they're back now.

4:31 Adam Yeah, maybe we should. Oh, you know, there's another thing I saw here that I thought was kind of cool, which is Warren working on the School of Rock soundtrack.

4:43 Drew That was fun.

4:43 Adam Very exquisitely successful, I would think.

4:47 Drew I mean, the movie was. The guy that, is it Jack, what's the guy's name that wrote that? Jack Black?

4:51 Adam No, the guy wrote it?

4:52 The Vandals Oh, Mike White.

4:52 Drew White. I think I was sitting next to him, but I went to see a film, an airing of Fahrenheit 9-11. Oh my God.

4:59 The Vandals True.

4:59 Drew That guy in Keaton behind me going, oh, oh, oh.

5:03 The Vandals Oh, just fuming.

5:04 Drew And then he was right next to her.

5:08 Adam She's probably one of these types that like, you know, announces if a Republican gets in office, she's leaving the country and then decides to compromise by going back to Malibu.

5:17 The Vandals I heard she said she was leaving the country and moving to Catalina last time when the horse was elected. She seems mentally ill.

5:22 Adam Yeah.

5:23 Drew I always loved her stuff. Loved her stuff.

5:25 Adam But now, now you just like.

5:27 Drew It was just hard to sit with her behind there grunting and talking at the screens. I got to go.

5:31 The Vandals I thought you were an American.

5:33 Adam What happened?

5:34 Drew It was weird. It was weird. It's going to be disturbing when this thing comes out.

5:37 Adam Well, it is. But here's the whole thing about these kinds of things. Don't they? Doesn't something like this come and go? I mean, I hope so. I remember the whole Iran-Contra thing that came out. There was a documentary or there's a big thing that came out. It was probably 14, 15 years ago now, the whole...

5:54 Drew Now we spent a month a morning for Ronald Reagan.

5:56 Adam Yeah, yeah. I mean, it was like... And everything in it, I'm sure, was true. And everyone looked at it and went, huh, all right. And then everyone just got back to whatever it is they were doing. You know, you got bullfighting. You got criticizing your government.

6:10 The Vandals It's like supersize me. I'm going back to McDonald's probably two or three days from now. It'll be all over.

6:15 Adam I think everybody does that. I'm not so sure if in a way it's a good thing and in a way it's a bad thing.

6:21 Drew Yes, it's right. That's exactly what my reaction was. I was like, I'm glad somebody's asking questions. I'm glad people are documenting this, but I'm not sure I trust the public. I'm not sure the history will be kind to this. I don't know. It worries me. It worries me how we're going to react to it. It's not that I don't trust the public. I worry what we're going to do with it. Yeah. What is that going to mean?

6:39 Adam All right. But here is people. I mean, when you think about these, you know, you take governments that are much more corrupt than ours, and this has been going on for centuries, and nobody really does it. At the end of the day, you worry about your kids, you worry about your house not burning down and you want to get your, you want to supersize your credit.

6:57 Drew Asking myself Corolla questions.

6:58 Adam Stab a bull or two.

6:59 Drew No, I asked myself Corolla questions at the end of the film, like, what would they have done if this had happened to them, the other guys?

7:05 Adam Right.

7:05 Drew And if they had some nuclear weapons and a lot of military, what would have happened to us?

7:09 Adam Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, it'll be bad times. Yeah.

7:12 Drew Worse times than it is for them.

7:14 Adam Well, say what you will about this country, but everyone just close your eyes and picture us swapping places with Cuba. Cuba's, you know, 90 miles off the coast. They have a, they have a military that could destroy ours with just barely breaking a sweat and don't agree with our politics, don't like our government. How fast before they just came over and just completely took us over? I mean, well, why we haven't turned, you know, why we haven't done something about Cuba shows what pussies we actually are. I really think about Cuba, horrible place, nice piece of real estate, you know, put a few golf courses in a few more casinos, get, let the mafia get in there. Castro, you know, here's the thing about people trying. First off, anyone trying to get to Cuba? It's a nice place. I mean, it's, it's, it's Drew's been there.

8:06 Drew Yeah, it's beautiful.

8:07 Adam It's beautiful place. I mean, it's, it's people are the settings, right? Great setting, right?

8:11 Drew Beautiful.

8:12 Adam Now Castro's been in power for 40 years, right?

8:14 Drew Now it looks like Atlantis. It looks like it's sunk into the ocean.

8:18 Adam Driving, driving cars that were built in the 40s and 50s.

8:22 Drew It looks like Paris, uh, circa Roman times. It just decayed. It just fall apart. It's really, it's a horrible look at, but we did this with, uh, Panama and Grenada. Yeah. You know, we did step in there.

8:35 Adam All right. I'm just saying, uh, how about we just, uh, go over there and, uh, throw, uh, Castro out? Oh, why not?

8:41 The Vandals He's got to die soon.

8:42 Drew I mean, he's never, he's never got, is it Ruben?

8:45 Adam But look, it's like he had, Ruben Blattis?

8:47 Drew The next one coming in is crazy.

8:48 Adam Castro had his big brother, uh, in the Soviet Union that was backing him up, watching after him the whole time. They're gone. They're, they're crumbled. Let's just go in there and toss them into the ocean.

9:01 Drew You should see the city, the, the, you know, Havana is in like, it's like shambles, crumbling, rises out of the, out of the cinders. Look at the Russian embassy.

9:08 The Vandals Russian embassy.

9:09 Drew Huge. Huge. Empty now. Completely empty.

9:13 The Vandals So we can't go in there because Michael Moore will make a movie and whoever, whoever, it's a great idea, but someone will be punished.

9:18 Drew The Vandals will get trashed because of it.

9:20 Adam Yeah.

9:20 Drew If you go in there. Yeah.

9:21 Yeah.

9:21 Adam All right.

9:22 Big hit though.

9:23 Drew They have a big hit.

9:25 Adam Yeah. We got here a big hit.

9:26 The Vandals Happy or something.

9:27 Adam Wouldn't everyone in Cuba like us to go in there and toss Castor on?

9:30 The Vandals It's hard to say.

9:31 Drew It's hard to say.

9:32 Adam Why are they trying to swim here?

9:33 Drew Because all the ones that really want to go out are out. And no. Well, I mean, a lot of them are out.

9:37 Adam No, they can't, but they can make it.

9:38 Drew A lot of them are brainwashed.

9:39 Adam A lot of them think it's the greatest thing and they, they really, they're climbing into the crappy cars and going back to their, you know, thatch roof.

9:46 The Vandals Their cars are really cool now though.

9:47 Adam Well, yeah, they're cool now.

9:49 The Vandals Yeah.

9:49 Adam Because it's the old retro thing. Yeah I don't think they're car show 50s cars though.

9:55 The Vandals It looks like the beginning of Happy Days in there when they...

9:56 Adam Yeah, yeah. No, you're thinking American Graffiti. This is different. Think old shopping carts.

10:03 The Vandals Yeah.

10:03 Adam By the way, you want to know a bad sign? Bad sign when they have that stick on top of your shopping cart so you can't get it out of the market.

10:11 The Vandals Yeah, you're in the wrong neighborhood.

10:12 Adam That's a bad market. Yeah. That's bad. I went to one of those. I went to one of those last week and I thought, oh my God, I'm in the wrong... I was in North Hollywood. That's where I grew up. I saw the piece of a rigid conduit that had been hose clamped to the side of the thing.

10:28 Drew You gotta explain it because the rest of the country doesn't have stuff like this.

10:30 Adam Oh, really? Because I'm moving then. It's really... It's the club for shopping carts. It's as close as they have to like low jack.

10:38 Drew How do you load your car?

10:39 Adam Here's the thing. Here's the thing.

10:40 Drew Shopping carts are to load your car, right?

10:41 Adam In crappy neighborhoods, I oftentimes see people pushing shopping carts miles from the store. Like, hey, you know, I live in Burbank, I shop in Pacoima, and I push the shopping cart 28 miles. That is essentially my car. It's essentially my car. And then they leave it off somewhere around and, you know, it's 200 bucks a pop for those things. They're steel, they're chrome, ball bearing wheels, the whole thing. And then some schmucks got to drive around his pickup truck collecting them.

11:13 The Vandals That's a job.

11:14 Adam So they're expensive. Now, at nice markets, people don't push them all the way home because they have Land Rovers out in the parking lot. You go to the Gelsons, they got the Land Rover out there. The guy has had, the chick has her maid push it in there and unload the thing, whatever. Crappy markets, they leave. And when they leave, they keep going. There's no car for them to go to. So they put these sticks on them. And they're really usually just pieces of rigid steel conduit or EMT, it's electric magnetic tubing, they call it. And they use hose clamps and they just clamp it to the side of the thing. And it makes it ten foot high and the door is eight foot. So you can't actually push the cart out the door.

11:52 The Vandals How long did you did you try? That's what I want to know.

11:55 Adam Well, I got a pretty good head of steam going at one point and was able to get the front part of it, but it wedged on me. Here's what I would do. Here's I would say, look, I would just post a sign that says we got sniper on the roof. Here's the thing, people. Push the car out, push the car out, push it out to your car, push whatever. But if you turn the corner and start heading down the street, one warning shot, the first shot will be a warning shot. Second one, that's right. That's the hat goes backwards. When the hat goes backwards, that means you're going down. So if you are going to actually try to push your groceries home, do it in a serpentine fashion. And fast. Really be right. All right. Hey, we should hear Vandals.

12:39 The Vandals Why not?

12:40 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

12:41 The Vandals Already?

12:42 Drew I want to hear this big hit.

12:45 The Vandals This is a song Warren sings.

12:46 The Vandals Yes, I get to sing.

12:48 The Vandals You might recognize it from if you are a big Freddie Mercury fan, but it's a first airplay we've got in 20 years and we're loving it and it's going all over the country. So thank you people who do call stations and stuff like that.

12:58 Adam It's called Don't Stop Me Now.

13:00 The Vandals Yeah.

15:57 Adam Hollywood Potato Chip, name of the CD, coming out on the 29th, right?

16:02 The Vandals June 29th.

16:03 Adam June 29th, that's a-

16:05 The Vandals A couple of Tuesdays from now.

16:07 Adam Yeah, a couple of Tuesdays from now. All right. And Tuesday is the day they all come out, right?

16:12 The Vandals Yes.

16:13 Adam I don't know who decided that, but that's how it works.

16:15 The Vandals You don't want it on Monday because no one shows up at work that day.

16:18 Yeah.

16:19 The Vandals Tuesday.

16:20 Adam Tuesday is the official day. I mean, like, if you tried to release it on a Wednesday, you couldn't do it?

16:25 The Vandals Oh, there'd be chaos.

16:27 Yeah.

16:28 The Vandals That's what I think.

16:28 Drew Roll a reel on its axis.

16:30 The Vandals Yeah.

16:30 Adam Jennifer?

16:31 Yes.

16:32 Adam You're 25?

16:33 Caller Yes.

16:34 Adam What's up?

16:35 I wanted to know because it's hard for me when I have anal sex. I had it one time with my husband and that was a long time ago. What the heck do the gay guys do that they can do it so much?

16:51 The Vandals Let me take this.

16:52 Drew First of all, they don't do it so much. They tend to do a lot of oral sex.

16:58 Adam A lot of oral.

16:59 Drew They don't do a lot of anal.

17:00 Adam That's what I hear.

17:01 I heard like, I don't know, is that like a vinaigrette that like doesn't help?

17:08 Drew Who's the guy next to her putting her up to this?

17:10 Adam Yeah, hold on a second, her line's so horrible. She does what with vinaigrette?

17:15 Drew I mean, those are the experts.

17:17 The Vandals Salad tossing thing.

17:18 The Vandals It used to be a creamy Italian thing. And then like in the late 90s, vinaigrette became popular in a lot of the restaurants. Yeah, the balsamic thing.

17:26 Adam Yeah, yeah. I mean, here's the whole thing. God bless him for trying things repeatedly that are painful. And to me, here's the whole thing. I can try things that are painful around the forehead or elbow area, but the anus, I get one shot. If I don't like it, I walk and I never look back. That's my anus policy. Like, I don't keep going back to that well.

17:52 Drew It's almost counterintuitive why one would.

17:55 Adam Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I could see you try it. See, maybe you like it. Maybe it flips your cookie. But if it doesn't, Jennifer, then it's not, maybe it's not your thing.

18:08 Does it change things when you have babies? Does it change things down there, like, I don't know, like, elasticity and?

18:14 Adam Yes. Well, once in a while, the vagina and anus will connect via horrible rip, and then that makes it easier to get in. You know what I mean? And that's like...

18:22 Drew And easier to get out.

18:23 Adam Yeah, it's like you're having vaginal and anal intercourse, you know, simultaneously.

18:28 Drew It's called a third degree tear. Yeah. Yeah, that's what happens to women very often when they first deliver. If they don't get into episiotomy, the whole thing tears. The vagina tears and sometimes will tear all the way into the rectum. It's not that uncommon.

18:41 Adam Yeah, they got to put that tear so it doesn't...

18:43 Caller They're going to cut it so it doesn't tear.

18:45 Adam Yeah, because if it tears, it might keep going.

18:48 Drew It keeps going, yeah.

18:48 Adam So you got to do like a relief.

18:50 Drew It's a controlled burn.

18:51 Adam Yeah.

18:51 Drew Yeah.

18:52 Adam Construction, we may call that an expansion joint.

18:54 Drew It's an expansion joint.

18:55 Adam Otherwise, the slab will crack.

18:56 Drew That's funny enough, that's what the gynecologists call it. Yes. Well, it's not exactly the same, but it's the same general area, obviously. It's the perineal muscles. But the deal is, you're going to have enough trouble with that area of function as you get older without adding to piling on, as we might say.

19:17 The Vandals Is your husband really pushing this issue?

19:19 Drew I don't think so. That's fine. Maybe it's something you don't want to get back to.

19:25 Adam Is your husband anxious to do this?

19:29 Caller All right, good.

19:33 Adam Right.

19:33 Drew Yeah, he says that 24 times a day.

19:36 Adam He wants to keep trying and see what happens?

19:38 Yeah, but he doesn't really push it.

19:43 Caller Maybe it wasn't meant to be.

19:44 Adam It was a holiday. Yeah.

19:47 Drew Yeah, okay. Anal holiday.

19:51 Adam Here's the whole thing. My whole thing is if you have an anus set it free, if it comes back.

19:57 Drew It was never yours in the first place.

19:58 Adam Who's retarded adage was that, people writing songs about that and stuff? It's like if you love something, man, you set it free. If it comes back, man, then it means, it's like, huh, what? Look, if you got a bird and you just open up the cage and throw it out the window, you never see the bird again, ever. No bird.

20:13 Drew That is almost central in the pathology of the 60s, right? Yeah. It was all delusional. Weird delusional, like, man, everything's perfect the way it is, so just you let go, see what happens.

20:26 Adam You take most cats, most dogs, most birds, most everything, and just put them on the other side of the yard and shut the gate a couple hours later, you'll never see them again.

20:34 Drew By the way, it's relatively true of humans that attachments need to be worked on. They're not things that you just let go of and expect them just to magically sustain.

20:43 Adam I'm thinking about setting you free, Drew.

20:45 Drew Oh, man.

20:45 Adam If you come back, it was meant to be.

20:49 The Vandals I got a good anal game to play. It's Safer. There's a band on my label called Osma, and they play this game when they're on tour. Every time you see a car, you think of a car, you put the word anal in front of it, and it's fun. What? Anal probe.

21:03 Adam Oh, yeah. Probe's huge.

21:04 The Vandals Anal land cruiser. Think of one.

21:06 Adam Right.

21:07 The Vandals Anal excursion. Anal excursion.

21:09 Adam Yeah, that's wrong.

21:11 The Vandals Anal Prius.

21:12 Adam Anal explore.

21:15 The Vandals It's fun.

21:15 Adam Good one. It's safe.

21:16 Drew Anal land cruiser.

21:17 The Vandals Yeah. Anal beetle.

21:21 Caller Do you do land cruiser? Anal bug, yeah.

21:25 Adam Anal Mustang is good, too. That's good. They're all good. Once in a while, there's anal Camaro. But for the most part, anal firebird, by the way, something Indians worshiped one time.

21:39 The Vandals Anal Mini.

21:42 Adam Anal Cooper. Yeah. I'm trying to think what works of it. Oh, you know, there's a new one called The Vibe.

21:52 The Vandals Anal Escalade.

21:54 Adam Yeah.

21:54 The Vandals Sounds good.

21:55 Adam Yeah. One of the... Oh, there's the Aztec, which is a crappy thing that Pontiac builds. The Anal Aztec. Sounds like a children's book that's gone terribly wrong.

22:08 Drew Anal Maybach.

22:09 Adam Started off there, but it turned somewhere along the line. Laura?

22:14 Yes?

22:15 Adam You're 26?

22:16 Caller Yes, sir.

22:17 Adam What's up?

22:19 Caller I had a question about nocturnal emissions. Is there a name for the female equivalent and why don't people talk about it?

22:28 Drew Women don't have them as reliably or as predictably as men because testosterone drives that and also men develop, they accumulate a fluid that if they don't release on their own, God will release for them. And women don't have that, yet they still have high levels of arousal and things some of them do and can have spontaneous orgasms during the night, but much less so than men.

22:46 Adam And they may have them and not know it as much too, I mean a woman's actual orgasm is sort of like, okay here's what I'm saying, once in a while you have an orgasm in your sleep as a guy but nothing comes out. Ever had that? Is that? I've had that before.

23:04 Drew A partial orgasm.

23:06 Adam It's like, it's sort of the equivalent to whatever else happens in your dreams that doesn't actually happen, getting shot or wet in your bed, which actually doesn't work out too good. Yeah. No, no, here's what I'm saying.

23:19 Drew Yeah, I know what you're saying.

23:20 Adam Sometimes in your dream you wet your bed and it's dry when you get up and sometimes, or you're taking a leak and you don't wet your bed and sometimes in your dream you take a leak and your bed's wet.

23:31 Drew But just think of…

23:31 Adam This happens with orgasms once in a while too.

23:33 Drew Think of the percentage of women at sort of prime, spontaneous, high levels of arousal and hormones, how many of them don't have orgasms under any circumstances as compared to men who are all having them regularly. The math works out for the men.

23:47 Adam I'm just saying too, yes, but I'm also saying that a woman's orgasm in real life is sort of like the one we experience in a dream where nothing comes out. What about that? Oh, come on, that's heavy.

24:01 Drew Yeah.

24:02 Adam I'm going to set you free, dude. And don't come back. No, but you know what I'm saying, like if you're a woman and you produce nothing for your orgasm, I mean, yeah, it's a sensation, but there's actually no physical manifestation of your orgasm. It's just a very, you know, cosmic sensation that runs through your body. That is sort of… I've had orgasms in my dreams that felt that way, but nothing came out onto the sheets. I'm guessing that for a lot of women who produce nothing, that's sort of the equivalent.

24:35 Drew If they're going to have them, yeah.

24:38 Adam And I think they could have them in their sleep more easily than we could because of the plumbing problem. Do you know what I'm saying?

24:45 Drew Maybe.

24:45 Adam They can do it.

24:46 Drew For those that are… And we know that their brain has much more of an impact on their orgasmic function. Yeah.

24:50 Adam And I think I would go further and say that some women who can't have it when they're awake, probably have a better shot of the sensation when they're asleep, but I don't think it goes down as a wet dream because nothing came out.

25:01 Drew Maybe.

25:02 Adam I think they think they had a sexy dream.

25:04 Drew Maybe.

25:04 Adam Whereas we have wet dreams. All right. Fly away, bird. And come back.

25:10 Drew Anal you go. Yeah.

25:11 Adam That's the… Anal you go. The Vandals in studio tonight. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. I'm Adam. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Joan Warren here tonight from The Vandals. The Hollywood Potato Chip, name of the CD coming out in a week from this Tuesday, that's right, about 9 days or so. Am I boring you, Drew?

25:59 Drew Well, listen, Adam, you know well that I have a conditioned response to your voice.

26:03 Adam That's right.

26:03 Drew I begin yawning immediately as soon as I hear it.

26:06 Adam Big hippo size yawns, too.

26:10 Drew What was his name again?

26:11 Adam I don't know, but that was a caller from last week.

26:14 Caller Yeah, world class.

26:17 Adam Yeah.

26:18 Drew He just provided the background ambiance for the show.

26:22 The Vandals When they call and they fall asleep before they get in the air?

26:24 Caller Yeah, I live when that happens.

26:26 Adam Yeah, he was on a hole for like 96 minutes. And, you know, sometimes if you're calling from the East Coast and by the time it gets around, by the time we get around you, it's getting late, you know. And I have that nasally drone that's sort of soothing and annoying at the same time. But we'll put a big man to sleep.

26:50 Caller That's when he expired right there.

26:54 Adam You know, this guy swears to his roommate he doesn't snore.

26:57 Drew He's mad at his roommate for bringing it up.

26:59 Adam Dude, I heard you snore. I don't snore, dude. No, drop it. I just love the I don't snore denial guy.

27:07 The Vandals People get really sensitive about that.

27:09 Adam It's weird.

27:09 Caller They get weird.

27:10 Adam Look, there's two people in the room. One of them is unconscious. The other one says, hey, you know what you do when you're unconscious? And the unconscious one says, no, I don't.

27:20 The Vandals I'm one of those people.

27:20 Drew It's very threatening.

27:21 The Vandals I don't believe I snore.

27:22 The Vandals You're scared of snoring denial?

27:23 Drew I'd snore as another thing. If you tell somebody to sleep with their eyes open, they get very upset about that. I do not. How dare you?

27:29 Adam Who the hell's dead? Only dead people sleep with their eyes open.

27:32 The Vandals Do your eyes get dry from that? That can't be healthy.

27:34 Drew Some people.

27:34 Caller Yeah, it looks good.

27:35 Drew But some people sleep with their eyes open.

27:37 Caller Yeah, I've seen that. Yeah, yeah.

27:39 Drew It looks weird.

27:40 Adam Wow. Eerie. Scared scared to beat off.

27:44 Caller With the person in the room.

27:45 The Vandals Yeah. Take a glance over there.

27:46 Adam It's funny. It's like you do that hand wave in front of them. Then about 20 strokes into it, they go, yeah, I was away. Hey, look, if you weren't trying to do it on me, I wouldn't leave you alone.

28:01 The Vandals Very close.

28:02 Adam Yeah. I think I'd have to put something over them, like in movies when the guy dies on the side of the highway, they just pull that blanket up over him. I also like in the movies where they very effortlessly close the eyes of the dead person with almost a sweep. They don't even actually make contact with the person's head. They just kind of do that. He's dead. He's looking up. They do that hand sweep.

28:30 Drew Let me tell you that eyelids and mouths are kind of like silly putty-ish except they don't hold their position when they have no muscle tone. It's just like moving around.

28:41 Adam I'd like to see a movie where they honestly address that where it was clumsy, like the guy hand went over the face.

28:47 Drew You can't even do it.

28:48 The Vandals You say it wouldn't work.

28:49 Drew It works, but you have to really kind of position it.

28:51 Adam They never do it.

28:52 Drew It's just the face.

28:53 Adam The guy looks down and he says, I'm going to miss you, brother. And he does the one hand sweep and both eyes close. I'd like one where one was closed, but the other stayed open. He had to fight with it a little bit.

29:02 The Vandals He closes one and the other one opens.

29:04 Adam Yeah, he had to get in and use things like his car keys and stuff.

29:09 Drew It's weird.

29:09 Adam And then the mouth popped open, tried to shut that again. Eventually got some duct tape out. It was a disaster.

29:15 Drew You have to really kind of position these in hopes it holds.

29:18 Adam I just like them. It's that sweep.

29:21 The Vandals They do it every day.

29:21 Caller They do that.

29:22 Adam Yeah.

29:23 Caller Kayla?

29:25 Adam Fifteen? What's up, baby doll?

29:28 Caller I was wondering, like, if you were sexually abused or raped or something and you have sex and it hurts or you feel dirty or something like that, you know?

29:40 Drew You should have all kinds of funny feelings about being sexually active if you had been sexually abused.

29:45 Caller But, like, if you go through therapy after you have sex, will it stop?

29:49 Drew It can get a lot better. At least you can feel safe and begin to start experiencing yourself without feeling bad or dirty as a sexual person, without that part of you being sort of expelled.

30:00 Adam The screen here says your dad used a vibrator on you. Is that true?

30:07 Caller Yeah.

30:08 Adam Was he, you know, an alcoholic or a drug addict or, you know, did he have a brain tumor or something?

30:19 Drew No, no. We wouldn't put that on the normal spectrum.

30:21 Caller Oh, I mean normal as far as everybody else is concerned.

30:25 Adam Yeah, because that is as effed up as it gets.

30:30 Caller Yeah.

30:31 Adam How old were you?

30:33 Caller First time he used a vibrator on me, I think I was like eight. Wow.

30:37 Adam And this is your biological father?

30:40 Caller Yeah.

30:42 Drew Anderson, well, how does she answer that one? We can't hear a thing.

30:45 Adam Phone line cuts in and out. And only we can't hear it. She said yes. She said yes. She said yes. Anderson, ask her how long she's been in.

30:54 Drew She can hear us. Is she there?

30:55 Adam Did she hang up?

30:56 Drew No, she can hear us.

30:57 Adam But it never goes on the fritz this long.

30:59 Drew When she starts talking again, it should come back, I bet. There she is. She's back.

31:05 Adam No, it's not that way.

31:06 Drew She said yes.

31:06 Adam It cuts off all the time when they start talking, Drew.

31:09 Drew Oh, no, no. But I'm just saying she's back, though. Yes, it will cut off again.

31:12 Adam Yeah. But her talking doesn't trigger anything. It's just it's intermittent.

31:17 The Vandals This is the kind of abuse she was talking about.

31:18 Drew It's just what is issuing towards me.

31:20 The Vandals Yeah, you know.

31:20 Drew Yeah, no doubt. All right.

31:22 Adam So let's let's try to figure figure this out. Kayla. She's OK.

31:27 Drew We can hear we're here now.

31:29 Adam So your father, what do you what do you do for a living? Some kind of construction?

31:33 Drew Owns a business.

31:35 Adam Owns a business.

31:36 Drew What kind of business? Music business.

31:40 Adam Really?

31:40 Drew Getting bizarre with Anderson repeating everything.

31:43 Adam Anderson, when were you abused?

31:45 Drew We'll tell you, we can't hear.

31:47 Adam All right. OK, so, and now what kind of counseling did you do, Kayla, or did you? And where's your dad now? Is him and your mom divorced? They're divorced. And does your mom know what went on?

32:06 Drew No. I think you ought to tell her.

32:09 Adam Yeah.

32:09 Drew You need to tell her so she can get you some help.

32:12 Adam And your dad, I mean, I mean, OK, first off, this is a sober dad. I was almost unfathomable.

32:21 Drew That messed up, sober dad, yeah.

32:23 The Vandals Music industry.

32:26 Drew His family's messed up.

32:28 Caller Yeah. Like his brother, one of his brothers is in jail for a child molestation and his other brother, he is a very sexual man. And I don't know that he's done anything with his children, but guess what, grandpa is the one to look to here.

32:44 Adam Somebody, yeah, it's great. All right. So Kayla, sorry for which dad did you, although you sound pretty intact.

32:54 Drew Yeah, the treatment, whatever therapy you had has done something good for you. So keep it up. And we can tell just by how you make us feel. You're not getting into the kind of chaos that you would probably be tempted to get involved with.

33:06 Adam Yeah. And listen, everybody, please. And I know we don't hear this on the radio that much. But when you think it's a good idea to take a vibrator to your eight year old daughter, how about just taking a gun to yourself? Just put a bullet in your head. Would you please? It's a better, it's first off, better move. You'll be happier, dad. Believe you me, because your kids and family, everybody else, the kids, the kids will dance a jig. It'll be great. We might make a new national holiday. It'll be, and you'll have a Reagan size funeral if people find out, but you got to get the word out. I was going to take a vibrator to my daughter. Instead I took a 44 to my head. Now begin to, my body can be shown at the, there'll be a library named after me. It's important to put that in the note, though, that don't just think you were depressed when you kill yourself, but seriously, kill yourself. You really, you really should just kill yourself.

33:58 Drew Or, go ahead and don't do it, if you can, or if you can't, I don't want to take any chances.

34:03 The Vandals I might do something else.

34:05 Adam Yeah, you might do something else, stupid. Just kill yourself. It's not that big a deal. You're not doing anything. What are you doing? You know what I mean? You're doing something important?

34:13 The Vandals Yeah, like we need another musician.

34:14 Adam Right, we need, yeah, we need you.

34:16 The Vandals Someone in the music business, yeah.

34:17 Adam Right, another out of work musician. Screw that. Just put a bullet in your head. That's fine. And it doesn't matter. You could be a musician, could be an attorney, could be a street cleaner. It doesn't matter if you want to do something weird to your daughter. Put a bullet in your head. That's fine. Well, just move on. It'll be one less screwed up person. And by the way, your legacy will not go on. Will not go on. You will just like you became the product of your horrible childhood. You'll not create more product. Now, Kayla did sound intact for someone who's been through what she's been through. And you can have normal relationships and everything. It just becomes work. It becomes like somebody who has diabetes or something.

34:59 Drew Or like a limb missing or something and then you've got to get around.

35:03 Adam Well, I was thinking of more diabetes because it means you got to get in your diet. You got to get your dialysis. You got to monitor. It's like a constant thing. Now, ultimately, you might end up being more healthy than regular people because of the constant monitoring and the constant work. It's like somebody says you're going to have to exercise. You have to eat a lot of fiber. You're going to have to watch this and take that. At the end of the day, maybe you end up being better.

35:25 Drew Better off for you than you might have been.

35:27 Adam Right.

35:28 The Vandals Do you think the fact that it's Father's Day has any big impact for someone who has that kind of a situation? Maybe why she called it a day?

35:38 Adam Anybody... Well, it can't be great. It's got to conjure something up.

35:41 The Vandals It's got to be an unpleasant day in your mind.

35:44 Adam For me, the hard part about Father's Day is the dads and grads part. I never did get my high school diploma and whenever the grads thing comes up, it hurts. It stings a little bit.

35:55 The Vandals The dads and grad sales?

35:55 Adam The grads. The grads.

35:57 The Vandals Oh, the grads part.

35:58 Adam Yeah, the grads part. Dads, no biggie, but the grads, that's a twist of the knife. It's a slap in the face. I never did pick up the diploma.

36:06 The Vandals You're saying get back to school.

36:08 Caller Library book was the...

36:10 Adam It wasn't a library book. It was...

36:13 Caller A textbook that was issued?

36:15 Adam It was We the People. Yeah, they used to make a big deal over the textbooks. Does this still go on? First off, huge deal about covering your books. Got to cover that book.

36:27 Caller Got to cover the book.

36:29 Adam I'm going to say, why do I got to cover the book? You can buy a book cover or we got this thing, we make it out of a garbage bag and like a brown paper bag. And I always hated those kids. The book looked like it was crisp and brand new. And they'd make the cover out of a supermarket brown garbage bag and it was like spotless. My whole thing is just get rid of the stinking cover. Just falls off and all kinds of stuff. The other thing they would do is they would grade the book when they gave it to you and grade it when they got it. So it's like, it was always a little controversy. Like when they gave it to you, you wanted the lower grade and when you gave it back, you wanted the higher grade. And they'd be like, this should be B plus, we the people. They're like B plus, that's a C. If I ever saw a C, we the people. No, that's B plus and then you give it back and it's a D and I would just lose the thing and I owed the book room $19 and they wouldn't give me my diploma. That's it?

37:22 The Vandals See, you did graduate but you didn't get the diploma.

37:24 Adam I did graduate but I didn't get the diploma and as it turns out, I have never used the diploma. I've never filled out an application. I never had a job. In radio, by the way, I think it's you're penalized the more you're educated. They don't like that. The two fields I was in was...

37:41 Drew You listening, Chris? He goes wince like it hurt him.

37:44 Adam Radio?

37:45 Drew Oh, those class at junior college. Damn.

37:48 Adam Oh, he's 27. He's not going anywhere.

37:50 Drew Yeah, but he thinks the education is going to help him in radio.

37:52 Adam Yeah, but he's in junior college.

37:55 Caller He's hanging out in a snack shack.

37:57 Drew He thinks he's playing a hacky shack.

37:59 Adam Yeah, you know, don't worry about that. No, they don't care about that.

38:02 Drew He has to get up at noon on Wednesdays. Adam, no.

38:04 Caller Oh, yeah, he's got that early class on Wednesdays.

38:07 Adam No, the class started at noon. He has to set the alarm for like 1110, 1115. All right. We got to take a break. He's angry. The Vandals are here, here tonight. Yeah. Well, here's how he does it. It's a mere three hours after his poor mom leaves for work that he has to wake up and head in, head in first, beginning out first class. By the way, all right, we're going to you should have never told us you lived at home. You should have. You've made too big mistake. You said you lived at home and then you said you went to junior college. Those were you should have said you were living. You're in Cambridge going to Harvard and that you commuted to do the radio show. I wouldn't ask any more questions. I don't even know where it is. Well, take yourselves a quick break. We'll be right back after this. You know, Drew, smelling good is more than a smell. It's an attitude.

39:08 Drew That's true, Adam.

39:09 Adam It is?

39:10 Drew I know how to get that attitude too.

39:11 Adam How? Break down. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, over here, Joe and Warren, here tonight from The Vandals. Got themselves a new CD out called Hollywood Potato Chip. And there's a fascinating story behind the title of the new Vandals CD. Yes, Warren?

39:54 The Vandals I don't know if it's fascinating, but yeah.

39:56 Adam I call it fascinating.

39:57 The Vandals Well, I was fortunate enough when I was in high school to get my hands on an actual pornographic magazine a friend of mine had.

40:02 The Vandals Congratulations.

40:03 The Vandals Yeah, it was, that's like gold. You got to be 18 to buy it, legally.

40:08 Caller Where'd you hide it?

40:10 The Vandals At my friend's house.

40:11 Adam It was his friend.

40:12 Drew That's always the common part, where the 16-year-old male hides his friend.

40:16 The Vandals Yeah, there's no clever hiding spots in your bedroom at your house with your mom. No, not that weird. But yeah, there were some interesting terms in there. And Hollywood potato chip was one of the terms they'd use in there for protein secretion, is that what you said? Like a stain.

40:33 The Vandals Male protein.

40:33 The Vandals Male protein, excuse me. Male protein, yes. And yeah.

40:38 Drew Left behind.

40:39 The Vandals Yeah, left behind, dried, resembling a potato chip, Hollywood potato chip.

40:42 The Vandals On a casting couch.

40:43 The Vandals On a casting couch. Quite often.

40:45 Drew Those were typically mom behind.

40:46 Adam Joe didn't want to tell the story on the air, but it was forced, it would have been.

40:51 The Vandals When it fell apart, I feel I have to. Thank you.

40:55 Adam Yeah, could have been part of it. So Warren is either an idiot or diabolical. He's good.

41:01 The Vandals He's good at his job.

41:02 Adam I think he's good. I think this may just be good. He actually forced Joe to tell his story.

41:06 The Vandals And we've been in a band together for 15 years. He knows, he knows how to.

41:10 Adam Well, it is easier, you know, it's like memorizing the first, like you remember the first part of the phone number, I'll remember the second part. It is easy to hang back and realize where the person has left a little gaping hole of love. I do that with Drew constantly.

41:24 Drew Constantly.

41:25 Adam Constantly.

41:26 Drew Constantly.

41:27 Adam Constantly. All right, let's go to the phones and speak to Lloyd who's 25. Lloyd?

41:35 Caller Yes.

41:36 Adam You're 25. What's happening?

41:38 Caller Well, I haven't had sex for a while and been jacking off, you know, every day, a few times a day, morning, night, whatever.

41:47 Caller And dude, you beat off?

41:49 Caller Yes.

41:51 The Vandals That's Josh. That was Josh. Oh, yeah. That was Josh Frieser.

41:54 Caller Last weekend.

41:55 Adam Oh, it was, wasn't it?

41:56 The Vandals Yeah, yeah.

41:56 Drew No, I think it was Dr. Marcel.

41:57 Adam No, that was Josh. No, that wasn't Dr. Marcel.

42:01 The Vandals No, that's not Anderson. And I remember when he did it.

42:04 Drew Saddle this one.

42:05 Adam Yeah, I do remember when he did it, too. I thought it was somebody from Lit. It could have been. We've got, it was a band member.

42:13 Drew Yeah, I think you're right.

42:14 The Vandals I was sitting next to him when he said it.

42:16 Adam Play it again.

42:16 Dude, you beat off?

42:18 Adam Yeah, that's Josh. Josh, Dr. Marcel.

42:21 Drew Sounds like Marcel. It's Bruce. Dr. Bruce. No, it sounds like Marcel. All right. I agree. It probably wouldn't be Marcel.

42:28 The Vandals Do you have any with David Quackenbush, our singer, so he can be here too?

42:30 Adam Yeah. Do you got anything?

42:32 Caller No, I thought he was like running for governor or something. Quackenbush.

42:34 The Vandals David Quackenbush. No, if you go to his website, he linked from vandals.com to davidquackenbush.com and it's like, yeah, it's a senator or an insurance guy or whatever.

42:43 Adam Yeah.

42:43 The Vandals But it's not him.

42:44 Drew The insurance commissioner.

42:46 Adam Yeah.

42:46 The Vandals That was Chuck Quackenbush. There's a lot of them.

42:49 Adam We're all going to get a nice rebate check coming out.

42:51 Dude, you beat off?

42:55 Drew Oh, yeah. I have sex with my brother.

42:57 Adam All right.

42:58 Drew That was lit. Lloyd?

43:03 Adam Sorry.

43:03 Caller That's all right. All right. Well, last week and I had sex and actually I had sex three times before I was able to actually ejaculate.

43:16 Drew Too much emptying the pipes.

43:18 Adam Three separate times, like on three different days?

43:21 Caller No. In one night, it was once and she made me stop and then again she made me stop and then finally the third time I was able to do it.

43:29 Adam Well, I don't know if that's sex three different times because you don't have an orgasm, but I'd say if she made you stop after half an hour, I'll call it sex three different times. How long did it take her to get you to stop?

43:42 Caller It was probably about that, about a half hour. We stopped, we took a break, then did it again.

43:46 Drew So it just took you a long time to have orgasm.

43:50 The Vandals Were you drinking?

43:51 Caller I'm sorry? No, I don't drink.

43:52 Drew Are you on a medication?

43:54 Caller No.

43:54 The Vandals What do you do during the breaks?

43:57 Caller I'm sorry? We smoke a cigarette. That was it.

44:02 Adam Now, you beat off constantly. What position are you in when you beat off?

44:07 Caller Laying down.

44:08 Adam Laying down, on your back?

44:09 Caller Yes.

44:10 Adam And then when you're with her, are you on top of her?

44:12 Caller Yeah, all different positions.

44:15 Adam But here's the whole thing. Your balls have like a gyro in them that can get thrown off if there's one direction and then just get flipped over. And all of a sudden, they're that direction. You beat off, you're on your back the whole time. And by the way, when you're a guy and you're 25, you may have 27,000 beat off sessions versus 92 sessions with a woman, you know what I mean? Your balls are facing, well, God, quite frankly, for most of your orgasm sessions. And then all of a sudden, you flip them over, they're facing the devil. Because that's the direction the devil is because he's in hell.

44:55 The Vandals Traditionally.

44:56 Adam Traditionally. And so now it's confusing and you can't have that orgasm because you're used to being on your back with your legs stretched out in front of you and now you're in a push up position trying to have one and it ain't happening.

45:08 The Vandals Well, Drew, can you tell me if this is true? This is bad?

45:11 Drew For some people, it's true.

45:13 The Vandals I trust you, but I want to know.

45:14 Drew No, it is certain. It's guys that are particularly noted. It's guys that masturbate a lot and really customize themselves to a particular experience and need that because Adam frequently says, as Adam frequently says, sex is good, it's just not the real thing.

45:31 The Vandals Would pornography be a factor in that, the pornography? Would that be a factor?

45:35 Drew I bet it would. There are probably a lot of psychological factors that come to bear.

45:38 The Vandals But it's not bad for you. It's just you might have trouble performing.

45:40 Drew It's just a technique that Adam has honed.

45:44 Adam I'm telling young Lloyd that you are going to have to learn to have yourself not only on your back, but standing up in the shower doing the grab a knee, that's just a one knee down like Pop Warner beat off, break it down, grab a knee now. That one, yeah?

46:05 The Vandals Take a knee.

46:06 Adam What's that?

46:06 Caller The other thing was I was wondering because when I would jack off I would keep it in and not make a mess. Would that affect anything?

46:14 Adam Get on your knees, stop that.

46:17 Drew Retrograde ejaculation is not a bad thing.

46:18 The Vandals Keeping in and make a mess, how you do that?

46:21 Drew You can hold, squeeze it off basically, it's bad.

46:23 The Vandals You can do that?

46:24 Caller You don't even have to squeeze it off after a while anymore.

46:27 Drew So you're getting retrograde ejaculation all the time. That's not good.

46:29 Adam I don't do that. Listen, Lloyd is going to start beating off in the shower. That's it. Get used to first off.

46:36 Drew How about a relationship with Lloyd so he doesn't beat off all the time?

46:39 Adam Well, he has a girl now, I guess. Don't hold anything in. Let it go. I understand not making a mess, but come on now. You know what I'm saying? Use the bib. Use the paper towel bib.

46:52 The Vandals I've never heard of that. Is that common?

46:54 Drew It's not common, but it happens.

46:55 Adam Sort of.

46:56 The Vandals Is that like under the sheets trying to be like hot or something?

46:59 Drew Some guys, no, no, no. These guys just, I think guys get weirded out by themselves.

47:04 Adam We'll talk. We'll tell Warren how it did. Actually, I'll show him. During the break. Yeah, the Vandals are here. I'll do a little retrograde test after this.

47:33 Caller This hour brought you apart by Axe.

47:36 Drew Experience the Axe Effect.

47:46 Adam This is Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1-... The Vandals are in here tonight.

47:53 The Vandals Yes. Hi, everybody.

47:55 Adam Hollywood potato chip, name of the CD. I went to the Playboy Jazz Festival yesterday.

48:01 Drew How was that?

48:02 Adam It's good.

48:03 Drew I bet.

48:03 Adam It's fun.

48:04 Drew Did your dad like it?

48:05 Adam It's hard to tell. Hard to tell when he enjoys things, but not sure. Hard to tell when he's alive, really. I had to poke him every once in a while. The good news is, I got to drink, I brought a bottle of Dom Perignon champagne.

48:21 Drew Nice.

48:22 Adam And I got to drink the whole thing.

48:24 Drew Oh, boy.

48:24 Adam He had a nip. It tastes. That's the beauty of the Corollas. Like, hey, dad got a bottle of Dom. You want some? Then pour him about three quarters of an inch of money. He drinks it, 20 minutes later. You want a little more in there, dad? That's a hundred bucks. It's open. No, they're just watching jazz. They're not drinkers, the Corollas. That's why I got to make up.

48:50 Drew You are doing a good job.

48:51 The Vandals Anal Corolla?

48:53 Adam Anal Corolla. Yeah, spelled differently. Thank Christ. You know, the thing that's funny about the Playboy Jazz Festival is that the Hollywood Bowl, it's jazz is great. You can't go wrong with jazz. It's not like regular concert. If you don't know the song, you're kind of bummed out. You're like, when they go, here's one from our upcoming album that's going to be released. I hope you guys go out here. I was like, oh, Christ, I never heard this song. I'm bummed out. Jazz is always like, you know, when Wynton Marsalis starts going nuts on his trumpet, you just sit there and your mouth hangs open. You're like, this is great.

49:27 The Vandals Here's a song that sounds like a guy trying to quit smoking.

49:29 Adam Yeah, it is awesome.

49:34 The Vandals Those people, I had to drive through the traffic today. My wife was like, what's going on? What is going on out there? Look outside. I looked up because I was reading. I looked up for like five seconds. I saw five people and I go, looks like Playboy Jazz Festival people to me. But I didn't know that Playboy Jazz Festival was was happening.

49:47 Adam Yeah, it is. It's a huge thing.

49:49 The Vandals And I think you can just tell where they're going.

49:50 Adam Thing that's funny is, is Bill Cosby host. But I don't know if you want to call it host because Bill Cosby sits in a folding chair, like stage right, like deep stage right. And then when they're done, it's like, all right, that was Wynton Marsalis. Now welcome to stage, Ed James. He just leaves again. Like he doesn't walk out in front of everybody, you know, in between acts or whatever. He just sits. And you know what I thought and I sort of appreciate, he's wearing, you know, like sweatpants, but the pocketless kind, like the old school sweatpants, white socks and sandals. And I just thought, wow, it's great when you get to a certain age where it's like, look, I'm going to be in front of 19,000 people. I'm wearing sandals, white socks and sweatpants. Like I just, I got to be comfortable. I don't care if I got an audience with the Pope. I got to, I got to be comfortable. I don't care. I'm a comedy. I'm a legend. I don't care. I'm wearing sandals and screw it. And socks, by the way, because it's actually more comfortable. Like the only way I could pull these sandals off is if I didn't wear white socks with them, but screw it. And I'm not even going to put brown socks on. So people from the fifth row back could think maybe that's a whole shoe I'm wearing. Now, I'm wearing sandals, sweatshirt, screw it. Not me. It's a good place to be. And as a performer, and you guys eventually will get to the stage. If, you know, God forbid, nothing horrible happens and the band just keeps going on. Eddie James performed Sitting Down. That's when you were fried. You come out there in a chair and you perform via a chair. A lot of the great jazz greats, you know, because those old things. I don't know what happens to your legs as a jazz singer, but something happens. It's usually some circulatory problem or something. But from, you know, somewhere about your 12th album, you got to sit down and you just perform Sitting Down. And I thought that that's that's respect. That means you've arrived because there's a lot of bands where it's like, Hey, I'm going to perform Sitting Down. Now you're not. Get out of here. We don't need you. But if you say, I'm going to perform, I'll be sitting on the chair and they're like, Oh, whatever you need. That means that means you're great. That means you've got to hit legendary status in order to perform in a chair. And singing jazz, too.

52:04 The Vandals It's easier to play Sitting Down.

52:05 Adam Stand up. What do you place? You haven't.

52:08 The Vandals Yes. I'm not. How about there's Monday Night Football? They stand up when they announce the whole game. Do they? Whenever they show them, they're standing up.

52:16 Adam Why? Yeah, I don't know. I think they must sit down, though, when the cameras go off. Maybe they don't. I think we would be better if we stood up, Drew.

52:25 Caller All right, let's try it. Should I do it?

52:29 Drew Let's see.

52:29 The Vandals I messed the thing.

52:30 Drew Now you take a knee.

52:33 Adam But don't sit. Yeah. Well, see, Etta James doesn't play anything, I think. She just sings. And it's harder to sing sitting down, I would imagine.

52:42 The Vandals Oh, yeah, you can't sing sitting down. That's not true.

52:43 Adam Oh, no, they sing sitting down. You got to be a jazz. You got to be jazz great. And you have to be heavy set. You know what I'm saying? All right, Drew, why don't you invent something that stands them up? But not really.

52:57 Caller You know what I'm talking about?

52:59 Adam Yeah, something that sort of hooks around their way. Like a microphone stand for a person.

53:03 The Vandals One of those girdies that flip up when I just keep...

53:04 Caller Oh, a stroke chair...

53:05 The Vandals .keep special ed. Yeah, we had a lot of stroke chairs.

53:07 Adam Yeah, give them a stroke chair.

53:09 The Vandals Perfect.

53:09 Adam Stroke chair. That'd be a good name for a band, by the way. Stroke chair. Stroke Kane would be a good name for a band, too. That's hardcore. You guys into stroke cane at all?

53:18 Caller Oh, yeah.

53:19 Adam Yeah. Tyler?

53:21 Caller Yeah.

53:22 Adam 15?

53:23 Caller 15.

53:24 Adam That's it.

53:25 Caller All right, I got a question for Joe. A long time ago, I was watching Your Sweat into the Oldies DVD. And I saw a preview for Selend Nuts or Cakeboy. And I said it was going to be released soon. But I looked on kungfurecords.com and haven't found anything. I haven't found anything on Amazon or anything.

53:47 The Vandals Yeah, we made a movie by ourselves. It's very hard to make a movie by yourself. We shot it on film. You shot it on film? I shot a 90-minute feature on film written by Warren. Warren starred in it. And it took a long time. And we killed ourselves making it.

54:01 Adam How much did it cost?

54:02 The Vandals $29,000.

54:04 Adam And on film. I thought that would be impossible to shoot on film for that budget.

54:08 The Vandals It's nearly impossible, yeah.

54:09 The Vandals There's a making of part of it. It will come out in the fall. It's all done. The DVD authoring is going on. There's kind of a documentary in it, the making of, that just makes me look retarded for even doing it. I just look like Crumb. Yeah.

54:24 Adam Yeah. And what's the movie about?

54:27 The Vandals I'll give the pitch, yeah.

54:30 The Vandals It's about a baker.

54:33 Adam You shouldn't have to pitch a movie for $29,000.

54:36 Caller Exactly.

54:37 Adam Just like, yeah, look, we're making the movie.

54:38 Caller Yeah, it's done.

54:39 The Vandals I'll give the summary then, yeah.

54:41 Adam It's a baker.

54:41 The Vandals A baker who works in an erotic cake shop. And it's an abusive relationship with the girl that beats the crap out of him. So he leaves town to be a roadie for a punk rock band. And they abuse him. Then he falls in love with the girl in a wheelchair.

54:54 Drew She abuses him.

54:55 The Vandals Because she can abuse him. So they have a good little relationship.

54:59 Drew He abuses her then?

55:00 The Vandals No. He's actually very, he's a very nice, not like a lot of people that call, I guess, or something, like he's actually a very sincere, nice person.

55:07 The Vandals She helps him realize his dreams.

55:09 The Vandals And his dream is to be the greatest baker in the world.

55:11 Adam Uh-huh, but not a ferotic.

55:13 The Vandals No, that's slumming.

55:14 The Vandals No, no, that's slumming. That's exactly it. He's doing that.

55:16 Drew And so he ends up making a cake for the queen or something?

55:18 The Vandals I don't want to give it away, but there's a...

55:20 The Vandals Kind of Iron Chef-ish.

55:21 The Vandals Iron Chef-like bake-off at the end. And of course, like any great movie, he doesn't win, but he still wins. Right.

55:28 The Vandals Yes.

55:29 The Vandals Cake Boy. Yeah.

55:30 The Vandals Cake Boy. Wins with the heart.

55:31 The Vandals That was a good question. That guy did his homework. And it is a question we get a long time because you make a movie and then where is it? Where's your damn movie you were making?

55:38 Drew And your cast, did you just get people that were in like...

55:41 Caller We had real actors actually.

55:42 The Vandals Kyle Gass from Tenacious D. Sure. Patton Oswald, Bob Odenkirk.

55:46 The Vandals Brian Poussain.

55:47 Adam Sure.

55:48 The Vandals Sheila Platt.

55:49 Adam Those guys are all like...

55:50 The Vandals Pam Gidley.

55:51 The Vandals Pam Gidley, 2000.

55:52 Adam There's no budget. Count me in.

55:54 The Vandals Yeah.

55:54 Adam It seems hardcore. You know what I mean? They're all about keeping the street cred. Which is me. Like, I would...

56:01 Caller No, you don't work for money.

56:03 The Vandals But during the day we had to make money, I don't know. I started a long time ago, but then to make money, I make actual concert DVDs and that's what pays the bills because that's what kids want to see.

56:14 Drew The thought bubble over his head is a picture of the movie with all the different slices taken out of it, each of those actors.

56:21 The Vandals Kids want to see rock bands on a DVD. That's what kids want. That's why we have this Warped Tour DVD coming out.

56:26 Adam Oh yeah. Do you physically... True, you should have plugged that in an hour ago. Do you physically go out and shoot these and edit them and put them together?

56:36 The Vandals Yeah, I would like to be what would be considered the director. I got a crew of eight to nine cameras and we have a 24-track hard drive recording system. Warren mixes the live sound.

56:47 The Vandals Mixes a lot of the audio.

56:48 The Vandals I used to edit them myself and then before I started realizing I shouldn't kill myself and now it's a supervising...

56:56 Adam Do you shoot it on film?

56:58 The Vandals All the concerts are shot on 24p digital video which looks better than anything I've ever shot on film. But the features we've done are on film.

57:07 Adam Let me say this. You know, I think I saw some special not too long ago on like the NFL films and how they started off by just taking little handheld cameras and a handful of guys run around the sidelines and stuff like that and of course turn into a multi-million dollar industry. This could be that eventually, could it not? I mean, just being, I mean, I know there are other guys who film concerts, but if you could be the guys who did the work or whatever.

57:39 The Vandals I'm definitely already the best. Kung Fu Records has about 20 concert DVDs either out or in the, we did the social distortion one last year, but we did it for them like as a production company, but we've released like, we got about 20. And then the nearest other label has about three. So it's what we do. And then in the meantime, we put out the Vandals and.

57:57 Adam And do you get it, do you get a contract that says we're going to do the Warped Tour for the next five years?

58:03 The Vandals No, I'm next one year. And then that's how that worked. But then when it came out, they liked it so much. They definitely want, you know, right. No one can compete with that thing. That thing looks, that's a monster to make.

58:15 Adam Can you try to go get Ozfest? Do you want to do it? I don't want to. It's Lava Palooza.

58:21 The Vandals We come from the punk rock world, you know, first and foremost, and I don't want to deal with those metalheads and the punk rock world is hard enough. There's probably 30 or 40 lawyers involved in that project alone. That's a crime. But it would be worse in the metal world.

58:35 Adam Why?

58:35 Caller There would be 300 lawyers.

58:37 The Vandals Yeah. You know, put it this way, Ozfest, how much are tickets? $65 million. In the Warped Tour, they're $25. It's just a different world that I prefer to stay in as long as possible.

58:48 The Vandals That's a different ethic, too.

58:50 The Vandals And it was still almost, I still want to kill myself after finishing that thing.

58:54 Adam And, you know, right? They're not chasing the buck. I mean, well, here's the thing about the punk rock world. Even if you are chasing the buck, you gotta pretend like you're not. So you can be like a hot chick who hooks up with an ugly dude, even though you're not really attracted to him. But you don't want people to think that you're just chasing the captain of the football team. You gotta take a stand. Yeah, you gotta keep it real. That's what I'm doing. That's why I'm going back to the phones, Drew. Keeping it real. Kendall?

59:19 Caller Yeah.

59:20 Adam You're 19? 19?

59:21 Caller Actually I'm 20 now.

59:23 Adam Oh, you've been on hold that long.

59:26 Caller No, seriously. When I first got through, he was like, so how old are you? And I looked at the clock. I was like, yeah, I'm still 19. But no, I'm 20 now. Today's my birthday.

59:34 Drew Happy birthday.

59:35 The Vandals Thank you. It's our singer's birthday too, by the way.

59:40 Adam Wow. So, you actually changed age. I mean, you're on hold. A clock and a calendar to mark your whole time. Yeah.

59:50 Caller I'm special.

59:51 Adam So, what's up? Except for the heroin part, right?

59:54 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

59:57 Adam So, what's going on? Do you shoot it? Do you snort it? Smoke it?

1:00:02 Caller I haven't been. I've been sober for a while. Actually, not a while. It's been about eight months. That's usually some sort of trauma that you went through. I was really young.

1:00:15 Drew I was really young. I was really young. I was really young. I was really young.

1:00:22 Caller Yeah, I think I was just stupid.

1:00:24 Caller No, it doesn't really happen like that.

1:00:26 Adam It's interesting.

1:00:28 Caller Yeah, I'd say I was about...

1:00:31 Adam Hold on one second. It's smart to just go, I was stupid, because then people, like you go, why did you have the adulterous affair? Why did you slam heroin? Why did you carjack? And you go, I was stupid. And then that's the one answer where people actually feel sorry for you and go the other way, you're not stupid.

1:00:49 Drew That is, yeah, but still.

1:00:50 Adam Yeah, I'm just saying it's a good angle to work. You could do, you could F up horribly. And when they want to know why, if you said I'm smarter than all of you, you'd get punched in the stomach. You just go, because I'm stupid. And you hang your head and people go, oh, you're not so stupid. It's just a better, it's a better angle. We should all work it. Go ahead, Kendall.

1:01:10 Caller Okay, 14 in middle school, I would go on the playground during recess and like smoke a joint behind the dumpsters. That's stupid.

1:01:21 Adam I did that.

1:01:22 Caller Well, then we're both stupid. Absolutely.

1:01:25 Drew It's hardcore. It means you're trying to manage feelings that you can't manage on your own.

1:01:29 Adam Smoking reefer 14 is about average for these parts. I mean, that's maybe you're calling from Indiana. That may have been wild behavior.

1:01:38 Caller It's a cold out town of the United States, I swear. It's horrible.

1:01:42 Adam All right. So smoking a little reefer behind the dumpster in the ninth grade, and then what?

1:01:48 Caller See, actually freshman year was more like drinking and cocaine.

1:01:56 Adam Well, look, it's a normal path.

1:01:58 Caller It's a gateway thing.

1:01:59 Drew You're a heroin addict, and what's the question?

1:02:02 Caller Once I got out of high school, it got really bad. And then I kind of sat there and thought about what I was doing and how I shouldn't be doing it. I've been sober for a while, and it's getting really, really, really hard. And I need, like... I don't know, I need something other than what it was.

1:02:22 Drew Well, you need the program. You're not in the program now. I need to get with it. People do not stay sober without that. And heroin addicts don't live to see 40 without some very, very intensive active involvement.

1:02:33 Adam They go from 39 to 41, right? We discussed it.

1:02:38 Drew They just don't see it.

1:02:39 Adam Oh, they don't physically see the number.

1:02:41 The Vandals But they don't die. That's one thing I hate about heroin addicts, the ones I've known, they never die. They just keep going.

1:02:46 The Vandals Well, it preserves themselves.

1:02:47 Drew A lot of them do die. A lot of them do.

1:02:48 The Vandals They don't see for it. I mean, if they overdose.

1:02:50 Drew A lot of them die of all kinds of medical problems.

1:02:53 The Vandals I'm still waiting.

1:02:55 Adam Hey, Kendall.

1:02:56 Yeah.

1:02:57 Adam Get in the program.

1:02:59 Yes, sir.

1:02:59 Drew Go to NA, get a sponsor. That's how it works.

1:03:03 Adam Are you high now?

1:03:04 No.

1:03:05 Drew All right. That's how it works, Kendall. If there was something easier or sort of alternatives to do, I would certainly suggest that for you. But the alternatives are really states of chronic illness like methadone and buprenox, that kind of stuff.

1:03:16 Adam You don't want to get into that. Let me ask this. Who has a tougher time kicking, males or females? They look into that. It seems like males cling on with a little tighter grip.

1:03:28 Drew I'm not sure. I would tell you that teenagers are much easier. Teenagers are something about the developing brain that they really don't even have withdrawal sometimes. That's why teenagers can sometimes delude themselves into thinking they can control it because they go on and off, no big deal. They always go back on because addiction is a disorder of the motivational systems. And so the brain is constantly motivated pushing back towards the drug in spite of everything else in your life that will always push you back to the drug.

1:03:54 Adam But no one's, not that it's worth anything, but no one's ever done a study between the differences between male and female biology in terms of addiction.

1:04:03 Drew I'm sure they have. I just...

1:04:06 Adam What do you do for a living then, buddy? You work at a transmission shop?

1:04:09 Drew I don't know the data.

1:04:11 Adam I want to crack a book.

1:04:12 Drew I would say that the men tend to use higher doses.

1:04:15 Adam Oh yeah.

1:04:16 Drew And so that's...

1:04:17 Adam Oh, women are... Listen, I would love to be a chick. I was... I did... What the hell? Oh yeah. I did the Kimmel Show on Friday night. I was sitting next to Lisa Ling, who used to be the Chinese chick from The View. And now she's doing something on National Geographic. She's cute, by the way. She's... You know, and she was drinking a glass of white wine out there. A lot of people, by the way, I really didn't know... Didn't think much about this. A lot of people go on talk shows, have a glass of wine to kind of settle them a little bit, especially chicks. Well, here's the thing with a chick. You're going out there. You got nerves going and you don't have to be funny. So just mellow out. You're looking to be mellow. You don't need your edge. I got to get out there and dance for the man. Night after night. Chicken at a carnival. Dancing, dancing. But no, not the chicks. Especially the Asian chicks. You don't need to be funny. You're an Asian chick. You're cute. Just get up there and talk about the view. So, she was drinking her glass of white wine and I was saying to her how's this wine doing for you? And she was like, oh man, I'm Asian so I got that enzyme thing and I'm 125 pounds and one glass of white wine. Look out. And I thought lucky. For you it's three bottles. And then I have to hit myself with the third bottle. It's actually physical trauma about the head. And even then I'm feeling fine. But disorienting when who hit me. It'd be nice just to have one glass of white wine and get completely loopy, wouldn't it? And what do you do when you don't want to bust? Just have like a teaspoon before you go to bed?

1:05:58 The Vandals They turn red though too.

1:05:59 Adam Yeah.

1:06:00 Drew It's a rough one.

1:06:01 Adam They get the flush. But Drew says, and I told her, Drew says you can push through it if you keep drinking.

1:06:06 Drew You can throw that?

1:06:07 Adam Yeah.

1:06:07 The Vandals Yeah.

1:06:07 The Vandals And the red goes away?

1:06:09 Adam Yeah. Yeah. The red goes away.

1:06:11 The Vandals Great.

1:06:11 Adam Yeah. It's funny she was drinking white too. You know what I'm saying? Maybe that's.

1:06:15 Drew Yeah. Hoping not to get the red flush.

1:06:18 Adam Spencer?

1:06:18 Drew She's always thinking.

1:06:19 Hello?

1:06:20 Adam You're 17?

1:06:22 Caller I just turned 17 about two hours ago.

1:06:25 Drew All right. Yeah. By the way, he's been on hold for two hours. We was 16 when we started just like our last call.

1:06:33 Adam We have been on hold for 85 minutes.

1:06:35 Caller Yeah. First of all, I like to say Dr. Drew, you're God, Adam Carolla, you're Jesus, and I love the Vandals.

1:06:41 Drew Thank you.

1:06:42 Adam Holy Trinity.

1:06:42 Drew Adam is my son.

1:06:44 Adam Spencer?

1:06:45 Caller Yes.

1:06:46 Adam You're 17?

1:06:47 Caller Yes, sir.

1:06:48 Adam Are you a virgin?

1:06:49 Caller No?

1:06:50 Adam No.

1:06:51 Caller Wait, wait.

1:06:52 Drew How do we define virgin here?

1:06:54 Adam You've had intercourse with a female?

1:06:56 Caller Yes.

1:06:57 Adam See, on one hand, he's 17, so he shouldn't be a virgin according to our callers. On the other hand, he sounds like a virgin, and on the other hand, he's calling from Florida. Not too many virgins after 12. And that neck of the woods. How many times have you had sex, Spencer?

1:07:13 Caller Three times.

1:07:14 Adam Three times.

1:07:15 Caller Yeah, I'm also like 5'2.

1:07:18 Caller Oh, many.

1:07:19 Caller Yeah. I mean, God, I live in Florida. There's no one a virgin past 7 here.

1:07:24 Caller Yeah, I know.

1:07:25 Caller I'm saving up every dime I can to get out of this place. I don't care, I'll get on a tire and swim to Cuba.

1:07:31 The Vandals This is a smart guy.

1:07:33 The Vandals I'm in complete agreement with this kid.

1:07:34 Caller You can get out of there.

1:07:35 The Vandals You can do it.

1:07:37 Caller Oh man, I got some crap a little job and I'm saving every cent I can to get out of here.

1:07:41 Adam Smart. Smart.

1:07:43 Drew Does that work right now?

1:07:44 Adam Do you do something involving waffles, because I picture everyone in Florida doing something with waffles.

1:07:50 Caller No, I work at a skate shop.

1:07:52 Adam Skate shop. And where are you going to move to, Spencer?

1:07:57 Caller I got a couple of buddies up in Seattle, so I'm moving up there.

1:08:00 Adam Good. All right. So what's your question?

1:08:03 Caller Okay. I suffer from bipolar and there's times when I get like extremely really sexual and I masturbate chronically.

1:08:12 Drew What does that mean? How many times?

1:08:14 Caller About, usually average is about five to eight, but I've done it like 12 times in one day. It's really bad. I want to know if this is something that's going to pose like a serious threat when I get older.

1:08:27 Drew Are you an abuse survivor too?

1:08:29 Caller No.

1:08:29 Drew Is there anything else medically going on with you?

1:08:32 Caller No, just kind of the bipolar thing. When I was on my medication, it was okay, but I'm sorry.

1:08:44 Adam This is phones run out of battery juice, by the way.

1:08:47 Drew You thought it was going to be cash for the trees.

1:08:48 Caller I know, but I'm sorry. I apologize for that.

1:08:50 Adam Eight to 12 in a day.

1:08:52 Drew Yeah, the bipolar, obviously, if you've ever heard this in this show, we talk to people that are hypersexual. There's sort of two common reasons for that. One is somebody is bipolar and manic and they can become very, very sexual. And the other is they're an abuse survivor and that person typically can go through phases of very, very high sexuality, very, very low sexuality.

1:09:10 Adam I think I went for like eight once and on the ninth, I actually sucked my underpants up my ass and shot them out my penis. It was sort of like a pitching machine, you know, with the wheels that's been... And I said, OK, now it's time to quit. That's when it's time to quit.

1:09:29 The Vandals He said 12 is... Is there a medical record for how far you can go? How many...

1:09:33 Drew I know I don't think that record's been documented. That could be my next study.

1:09:37 The Vandals I'm curious. I'm pretty... I've probably done...

1:09:39 Adam What do you think?

1:09:40 The Vandals I'm going to say... Tenish. Tenish.

1:09:45 Drew The more we're adding up the score for it, the better we go. Early age, hypersexual.

1:09:49 Adam That's solid. Tenish. Yeah, tenish is good. Let's see.

1:09:56 The Vandals I mean, it took all day. I didn't have anything to do. It was a me day. It was a total me day. And then, you know.

1:10:10 Caller I would go past, like, Telemundo or something, and it's like, you get, oh, okay, may as well.

1:10:14 Adam Oh, it's crazy. Big busty, hippie, Latin broads.

1:10:18 The Vandals Yeah, not distracting you with any English language.

1:10:21 The Vandals Sound off.

1:10:21 Adam Mixing television, even the children's programming has a lot of cleavage.

1:10:26 The Vandals Shusha?

1:10:26 Adam Yeah, Shusha's high.

1:10:30 The Vandals So that's what I think it is, yeah.

1:10:31 The Vandals Shusha? Shusha, yeah. She's like the Brazilian hot pants and little kids dancing around her hot pants.

1:10:38 Adam Drew, how do you not know Shusha? Shusha is a smoking hot blonde who wears knee-high pirate boots that are made out of white naga hide, super short shorts and like a halter top and hosts a children's show.

1:10:53 Drew What do we get?

1:10:55 Adam We got Bob McAllister, like a fat chew from Long Island. Giving away bagels. Yeah, we got nothing. Big fat guy with a bad hair piece telling us.

1:11:05 The Vandals She has dancing girls, like eight dancing whores.

1:11:09 Drew I never stay long enough with those shows. I get embarrassed.

1:11:12 The Vandals Yeah, it only takes me a few minutes either. But I don't get the names of things.

1:11:16 Adam Yeah, if you focus, you just take a couple of minutes.

1:11:19 Caller I'll work at it.

1:11:21 Adam When Shusha leads that rumble line, that's when I go off.

1:11:24 The Vandals She shot a show at CBS television. They tried to bring it to America.

1:11:28 The Vandals Yeah, they did an English version for a while.

1:11:31 The Vandals I dialed my extension by accident. I dialed the wrong number, and it came up Shusha. Oh, really? It said Shusha on the thing. I go, what, who are you? What are you doing? They're going, we're in stage 61. I hung up the phone and went right over there. I was there every day for the whole summer to eat my lunch.

1:11:45 Drew Because you got the wrong phone number, that's how you found out they were doing it?

1:11:47 The Vandals Yeah, they were shooting it in my office.

1:11:49 Adam All right, Drew, get on the internet and go find Shusha.

1:11:50 Drew How do you spell it?

1:11:51 The Vandals X-U-X-A.

1:11:53 Drew X-U-X-A?

1:11:54 Adam See, we've got porn spelling to it. Drew, and how is it? Normally, you don't know anything I'm talking about, except for when it comes to children's programming, in which case you get angry at me for not being familiar with Thomas the Tank Engine.

1:12:09 Drew Stuff my kids watch.

1:12:11 Adam All right, well, get them into Shusha now that they're getting toward high school.

1:12:14 The Vandals I think the first season's out on DVD already with commentary.

1:12:18 Adam Let's take ourselves a little break. Vandals in studio tonight, and we'll be right back after this.

1:12:23 Caller All right, guys, bottom line, here's the deal. Looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person, one call's all you need to make. Call the Dateline.

1:12:31 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:12:37 Caller Loveline, with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:12:39 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191. We'll be right back.

1:12:44 Caller This hour brought you a part by Axe.

1:12:47 Drew Experience the Axe Effect.

1:13:02 Adam Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Joe and Warren here tonight from The Vandals. Yeah, Hollywood Potential, name of the CD. You can find the guys on the Warped Tour on the, from the June 25th to August 3rd, and also got a Warped Tour DVD, which is, I Hear, Second to None.

1:13:24 The Vandals I agree.

1:13:26 Drew Yeah, look, Joe said, Joe calls like he sees it.

1:13:29 The Vandals Now, I killed myself making it, so I'm not, I'm not shy about it.

1:13:32 Adam Yeah, it's good. If it's, if it's good, then you can say it.

1:13:35 The Vandals It's high quality.

1:13:37 Adam So you can, and now that's out. You can get that.

1:13:39 The Vandals June 22nd, that comes out, you know.

1:13:42 Adam So just a couple of days.

1:13:44 Drew Yeah.

1:13:44 Adam All right, let's go speak to, is that Echo, Drew? Who's 15?

1:13:50 Drew Or Echo, I'm not sure. Echo, there we go.

1:13:54 Adam That's your name?

1:13:55 Caller Yeah.

1:13:56 Drew What's up?

1:13:57 Caller Hold on.

1:13:58 Adam Does it say that on your birth certificate? What's up with your parents?

1:14:05 Drew We're going to find out.

1:14:06 The Vandals Plenty.

1:14:07 Caller I don't know. I live with my brother, and when I was like eight, him and my other brothers molested me. And he's been living with me for about a year and a half now, and it just feels really weird. I can't be alone in the house with him, or I feel really weird.

1:14:23 Drew It is not right or good for you to be living with a perpetrator.

1:14:28 Adam Well, how much older is he than you?

1:14:31 Caller He's like 31.

1:14:34 Adam And so when you were eight, he was like 25 or something, 24?

1:14:41 Caller Probably just about that.

1:14:44 Drew He was an adult.

1:14:48 Adam That's what you call bad times there. Yeah, it's horrible. And what about your other brother? You said your other brother too?

1:14:56 Caller Yeah, he lives in Alaska.

1:14:58 Drew And he abused you also?

1:15:00 Adam And how old is he now?

1:15:02 Caller He's a year or two older than my other brother.

1:15:06 Adam Really? And so your two older brothers who were substantially older than you, by the way, I mean, you're 15. They're in their early 30s. Are they from the same parents?

1:15:18 Caller Yeah.

1:15:22 Drew No half-brother action? Wow. Does your parents know about this? And yet they're allowing you to still live with the perpetrating brother?

1:15:29 Caller They act like nothing ever happened.

1:15:32 Drew Oh my God.

1:15:33 Adam Well, look, I don't want to pry too much, but hold on one second. Let me talk to my comrades for a second. The parents are acting like nothing happened. She's living with the brother. It's got to be awful weird for the brother, too, by the way.

1:15:51 Drew Unless he's gaming up, you know, planning on something else.

1:15:55 Adam But here's the real question, and the other brother did it, too. What was this full-fledged abuse, or was there some sort of inappropriate something that the parents are saying, look, get over it, or it's not as big a deal as you think it is?

1:16:09 Drew Or was mom sexually abused, too, and it's just the way he goes.

1:16:13 The Vandals And molested. Yeah, is that, yeah.

1:16:15 Drew Well, let's ask what happened.

1:16:16 Adam What did they do to you?

1:16:18 Drew The brothers.

1:16:18 Adam The brothers.

1:16:19 Caller Well, I didn't have like, it wasn't like actual penetration, but it was, he made me suck his d*** and stuff like that.

1:16:29 Drew That'll do.

1:16:30 Adam All right.

1:16:30 Caller That's good enough.

1:16:31 Drew That counts, yeah. And your mom knows he did this.

1:16:34 Caller Yeah. She took me to health and welfare, and they put me through a little bit of counseling, but that only lasted for about a half year.

1:16:42 Adam Right.

1:16:43 Caller All right.

1:16:44 Adam So your brother or brothers, by the way, God knows what this guy is doing in Alaska, but thank Christ he's out of the contiguous United States. He's just got to deal with Canada if he wants to deal with us. But the thing is, these guys are a mess, and I wonder if they were abused.

1:17:06 Caller Of course.

1:17:07 Drew Well, something, something bad.

1:17:09 Adam Yeah, something bad. And is this just super albino white trash? I mean, horrible alcoholics and all that stuff?

1:17:17 Drew Something horrible.

1:17:18 Caller Well, my brother, one of my older brother is an alcoholic, and my other brother, he's just nasty.

1:17:25 Adam Well, why is your one brother living at home at 31 years of age?

1:17:30 Caller Because he's a baby.

1:17:32 Adam And hold on one second. He's not going to junior college, though, is he?

1:17:41 Drew Do you have any sisters? No.

1:17:46 Adam Two sisters. And what? Anything happened to them?

1:17:48 Caller I don't know. I haven't ever heard anything about it.

1:17:52 Adam All right. So you're living at home. Your parents are still together?

1:17:55 Caller No.

1:17:57 Adam Your dad's gone?

1:17:59 Caller He lives in Alaska.

1:18:01 Adam Oh, and by the way, hold on, Alaska is sort of sort of what Florida is to deadbeat dads is what Alaska is for just sort of alcoholics who hate the government. Like, I don't need anyone telling me where I can park my snowmobile.

1:18:22 Caller You know that you flee to Alaska, you go down to Florida, you flee to Alaska.

1:18:27 Adam Yeah, it's something that's not going right. You go to Alaska because things haven't worked out wherever you were.

1:18:34 The Vandals Yeah, it's the last resort.

1:18:35 The Vandals Yeah, the continent chewed you up, spit you out. Yeah, and that's where you ended up.

1:18:38 Adam I'm going to start new in Alaska. That's really what that is. And Nevada's got it. Now, there's a whole different crew that goes to Nevada, but Nevada, Alaska, and Florida.

1:18:48 Drew Those are the three.

1:18:50 The Vandals Hawaii has a little bit of that element.

1:18:51 The Vandals End of the Earth.

1:18:52 Adam Hawaii has that, but it's a more euphemistic, sort of hippie kind of, hey, I'm going to get a Sprout Farm going up here, I'm going to smoke some spleef and spend my day serving. A lot of scrounging.

1:19:06 The Vandals I can sleep on the beach if I have to.

1:19:08 Drew But they're not going to shoot you. They're advancing to Hawaii.

1:19:11 The Vandals They think they're advancing. I think that's a way to serve. Yeah, it's like the snowboard towns. Every snowboard town is like that too.

1:19:18 Drew They're advancing. Right.

1:19:20 Adam But here's the thing.

1:19:21 The Vandals They think they're advancing.

1:19:21 Adam Here's the thing. The ones that moved to Alaska and Florida will shoot at you. The other ones, the Hawaiian ones, only if you get in there, stumble on to their pot farm, will they actually take a shot at you. But it's probably booby trapped anyway. So, Echo, what are we going to do for her? Worked it all out.

1:19:41 Drew Look at this. His hands are registered.

1:19:42 Caller No, wait a minute.

1:19:43 Adam Wait a minute.

1:19:44 The Vandals They'll send anyone with a concealed weapons permit with just a safety certificate and a photo and going in a...

1:19:51 Adam Wow. Wow, Joseph. Joseph. Well, now hold on a second.

1:19:55 The Vandals That's what Florida's got going for you.

1:19:56 Adam They'll just give anyone a gun permit.

1:19:57 Drew Wait, Joe gets into everything. Hold on.

1:20:00 Adam We can't deal with this until we're done with Echo and then we'll deal with it.

1:20:04 Caller All right.

1:20:05 Adam So, Echo, your brother, even though your mom is aware of what he did to you. Your mom's aware of it, still he gets to move home and live with you guys.

1:20:17 Caller All right.

1:20:18 Adam And he's just sort of a, he's a loser, right? He's 31. He had to move home.

1:20:25 Drew When they took you to the Health and Human Services, whatever you, however you rephrase that.

1:20:29 Caller Health and Welfare.

1:20:30 Drew Health and Welfare. Did you report the abuse?

1:20:33 Caller Yeah. They like sent me in this little room and taped me.

1:20:36 Drew So maybe it's time to get back to them and let them know that you're living with the perpetrator again.

1:20:42 Adam And this guy sleeps in a room down the hall?

1:20:45 Caller Yeah.

1:20:46 Adam And you guys, you guys pass each other in the hall? Do you say hi? Is it weird?

1:20:52 Caller No. Only when we're at home alone, I feel really weird.

1:20:55 Drew God. Do you, do you, did he get some treatment?

1:21:01 The Vandals He's fine.

1:21:03 Adam Does he drink? Yeah, if it ain't broke, Drew. Does he drink? Because really what you don't, really what you don't want is to booze mixed in with mom being, being out of the room. Do you, and I don't want to freak you out, but do you have a lock you can put on your bedroom door at night so you can just sort of sleep in peace?

1:21:26 Caller No.

1:21:26 Drew You gotta get one.

1:21:28 Adam What about, you know, three bucks at the hardware store, you little barrel bolt, just put it on. Sleep better.

1:21:33 Caller I could, but I, I'm in the process of getting a job and I can, I can't wake up on my own, not even with an alarm, so I had to keep my door unlocked so my mom could come in.

1:21:42 Drew They can bang on the door. They can bang on the door.

1:21:46 Adam All right. And look, get the job, get your friends around you, hang out at school, get involved with everything you can that doesn't involve going home. Go home, go to bed, eat breakfast and leave again for the entire day. I don't know what else. You know, obviously if the guy, you're 15 now, if the guy does anything that's even close down a line, you just start screaming bloody murder and call the cops. Yeah?

1:22:08 Drew Well, if she can, she may still freeze. I mean, if she's, she must still have a freeze reaction.

1:22:12 Adam What about these people, by the way, who cannot get up with alarms blaring and actually like need two alarms and they got, they just stick, it won't work.

1:22:21 Caller What about these people?

1:22:23 Adam How deep, how far are they?

1:22:24 Drew Who is it, Warner or Joe? Joe?

1:22:27 The Vandals Joe. No, I'm not, no, I'm not one of those. No, I'm just saying, I just think, I don't know.

1:22:31 Adam I mean, I'm always curious.

1:22:32 The Vandals Bus drivers. We have a lot of bus drivers on the road that are like that.

1:22:35 Adam Always curious, always curious, like, I mean, I do know people that go, no, I got to put one alarm here and then I got to put another alarm on the other side of the room. My friend, I lit firecrackers off in the guy's room, like, I had paper from the firecrackers were blowing off so close to me, I actually had paper from it, didn't get up.

1:22:53 Drew Who is this?

1:22:53 Adam I wake up, my friend's a kid brother. Yeah.

1:22:57 Drew That to me, that's a sleep disorder.

1:22:59 Adam Yeah, when you just, you're so far gone, it's like, it's if you die every night, you're dead. It's not going to get up, not, not, all right, so, all right. I would lock the door and I would, of course, I would, I would urge everybody to just lock their door. Why not? Yeah. I do it every house I've ever had, just, you just, you just, you get a little barrel bolt, put on there. Now it's not going to stop the SWAT team from coming in if they need to come in, it's not going to stop a homicidal maniac with an ax from coming in. It's going to stop your drunken stepdad from you, you waking up and find out there's a guy beating off on the side of the bed. Right. That's what it does. You get, there's no slipping in. If he's getting in, he's got to put his shoulder under the thing. Yeah. All right. Now let's talk about Joe's IDs here that he's produced.

1:23:47 Drew That's crazy.

1:23:48 Adam He has one to carry a concealed weapon in Las Vegas and he has another in the state of Florida to carry a concealed weapon.

1:23:58 The Vandals I think my Washington one's good in Alaska and it's not, I don't carry it with me.

1:24:02 Adam Do you pack heat?

1:24:03 The Vandals No.

1:24:04 Adam No.

1:24:04 The Vandals It's more wallet enhancement. Sure. But that Florida one is good in like 25 states. Oh, it is? But all you need to do is get a training certificate. You send it to Florida with a picture of yourself and $120 and it comes flying back.

1:24:17 Adam Yeah.

1:24:18 The Vandals Good in 20 states.

1:24:19 Adam How crazy is that? Florida's great that way.

1:24:21 Drew That makes you feel pretty good, doesn't it?

1:24:22 The Vandals I can't believe it.

1:24:24 Drew You did it just to prove that you could?

1:24:25 The Vandals Yeah, we go on tour and we were looking for stuff to do in each state and we're like, let's go to gun range. And then we started getting into, I wonder what it takes to get a concealed weapon permit in this state. And then we started checking into it and just started doing it.

1:24:36 The Vandals Surprisingly easy.

1:24:38 Drew No barrier is too high for Joe, anyway.

1:24:40 Adam No, no.

1:24:41 The Vandals I'm not used to killing animals. I mean, the guns are just not much further along.

1:24:47 Adam Maybe you guys can help me with this. I have this, I got a house, I'm putting a flagpole up. Because I'm convinced, by the way, flagpole, your house goes from house to fortress or from house to like public library or monument or something. You can get a 20-foot flagpole, it costs 250 bucks. I'm convinced it adds 30 grand to the price of your house. No problem at all. It all of a sudden seems like a compound. Even if it's a crappy little house, you put the big flagpole in front, it's like a shit, that's a nautical theme all of a sudden. Okay, now here's my other idea, my first impulse, you fly the American flag, that's good because it makes the criminals think maybe you're packing heat. Now, you fly the Confederate flag, you're cleaning the gun, like they picture you home actually cleaning the shotgun. Doesn't matter what time of day it is.

1:25:34 Drew So apply a certain type of weapon too.

1:25:36 Adam Yeah, I had a certain thought like you see the American flag up on the flagpole in front of the house, you're thinking, okay, the guy's got a gun, but it's probably down in the safe and he's upstairs. You see Confederate flag, you picture sawed off between the mattress and box spring. Like that guy's packing and he's used it and he will use it again. Now, I don't like the, and I said to somebody, what percentage of people who fly the Confederate flag or show it somewhere on their home have a gun? And it's got to be above 90 percent, right?

1:26:08 The Vandals It's above 90 percent.

1:26:09 Adam And then the guy brought up a good point, I was talking to a guy I work with, Rick. He goes, and the other 8 percent had had it taken away or pond it. Right. You know, El Camino need a new transmission, so I had to pond the sawed-off shotgun. I'll be getting it back. Like there's an explanation for the 10 that don't actually have it on their person. But I thought, I don't want the Confederate flag because it has the whole racial connotation to it. So then I thought, don't tread on me. Now that suggests firearm.

1:26:38 The Vandals Patriotic.

1:26:39 Adam Patriotic. That's firearm.

1:26:41 Drew New Hampshire or something? Vermont or something?

1:26:43 The Vandals Vermont? Anyone can carry a gun. So that's Vermont. They don't have permitting. Because they're like, what? You carry a gun like it's any of our business?

1:26:51 Adam Yeah, you can use the don't tread on me thing works no matter what state you're in, I think. I mean, doesn't it? It applies.

1:26:59 The Vandals It gives the point.

1:27:00 Adam And you see the don't tread on me flag out front of a guy's house. He's packing. He's a badass. He's packing.

1:27:05 The Vandals And a patriot.

1:27:06 Adam And a patriot. Yeah. None of the negative stereotypes. No dukes, a hazard jokes, nothing. There we go. I got it set.

1:27:14 Drew One of the signers of the declaration.

1:27:16 Adam Yeah.

1:27:17 The Vandals Yeah.

1:27:17 Drew All right.

1:27:18 Adam Well, Vandals here. Quick break.

1:27:20 The Vandals A fan of the original 13.

1:27:22 Adam We'll be right back. Hey Adam.

1:27:34 Drew You know how guys have trouble with confidence and going out and dating and meeting girls? We have a solution. Axe deodorant body spray.

1:27:53 Adam We got a second song from the Vandals that we forgot all about. So much into The Callers tonight, Drew, that we forgot about the second call.

1:28:02 The Vandals And Joe's stories.

1:28:03 Adam Well, Joe's an eclectic mix, boy.

1:28:06 The Vandals You know, this is the only place I get my chance, so I gotta let it all out.

1:28:11 Adam Yeah, you picked the right place.

1:28:12 The Vandals You guys are my only friends.

1:28:13 Adam Well, we're interested, we really are. We get a lot of these bands in here, guys just sitting on their hands, pouting, drunk. No, no, they're not stabbing bulls or getting permits. They're not doing anything, making concerts. Not living.

1:28:27 The Vandals Exactly, live.

1:28:29 Adam My God, it's like Ernest Hemingway. Really, really is. Like if Ernest screwed with his hair a little bit or if you grow a beard or lost a little weight or something. Yeah, someone needs a loose weight. Ernest does.

1:28:44 The Vandals Yeah, Ernest is the guy in this.

1:28:45 Adam But you're really a Hemingway type.

1:28:47 The Vandals Yeah, I didn't get into the Hemingway until after I got into the bullfighting. And then I heard it from all these white guys that look like that, that linger around the scene and they're the Hemingway types. But I kind of came in the Tijuana entrance.

1:28:59 Adam Yeah, like a Teddy Roosevelt type. I'm out seeking adventure.

1:29:06 The Vandals Seeking adventure. I also go to church, by the way. I'm not just a heathen.

1:29:11 Adam Let's hear a song before we get in the religion and it gets sad.

1:29:14 The Vandals We should.

1:29:15 Adam Let's...

1:29:17 The Vandals Not my religion.

1:29:17 Adam Let's... Church of Ross. Yeah, we're hearing a song from the Vandals. This one's called I Am Crushed.

1:33:09 The Vandals Warren writes all that music while I'm out being weird. So, that's fine.

1:33:12 The Vandals That's why I don't have a permit for anything.

1:33:16 Adam Well, you got a license to rock. I'll tell you that right now. 24 hours in. We're gonna take a quick break. We'll be right back with the Vandals after this. Yeah, Vandals, everybody. God love you. Get this, the CD, which is Hollywood Potato Chips coming out in about a week and a half. And then you've got the Warped Tour DVD, which is coming out in just a couple of days. Yeah. Thanks for coming in, guys.

1:34:00 Drew Thanks for having us. It's been a pleasure.

1:34:02 Adam And now that you got a big hit, don't get all cocky on it.

1:34:05 The Vandals Well, I think we'll still come back every once in a while.

1:34:08 Drew Come back when you got a bullfight in town.

1:34:11 Adam Yeah.

1:34:11 The Vandals It don't happen in town. That's the problem.

1:34:15 Adam So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:24 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Ingold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, June 20, 2004