Episode 1000620600466

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content. The listener discretion is advised.

1:00 Caller Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:03 Voiceover Hey everybody, it's Love Line with Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Tomorrow night, Jenny McCarthy, and the following night, Alanis Morissette. It is Tuesday, isn't it?

1:18 Drew Yeah, and then a big week next week, too, look at that.

1:20 Adam Yeah, bad religion. Let's say something about that bad religion. A, a good group. B, been around for probably 20 plus years. C, smartest group. And, nicest group. If you got trapped on an island with a group.

1:36 Drew That'd be the one. It would not be Pennywise.

1:39 Adam They'd build you a fire. No, it'd be nothing but just, it'd be cornholing for the first two days, and then it would get ugly. And then you'd be eaten by Fletcher. It'd be physical abuse, probably some sexual abuse.

1:55 Drew And cannibalism.

1:56 Adam And then cannibalism, ultimately. You'd actually, here would be a good thing. You'd just go, please eat me the first day. Otherwise, it's gonna be six, eight days of torture, and then I get eaten. And by the way, better for you. Because my body's gonna be emaciated and bruised by the time you get to it.

2:11 Drew More energy there.

2:14 Adam Yes, so Bad Religion, Nicole Richie, and Randy Jackson, who's coming off of American Idol, of course, and many, many, many others. No guest tonight, and it's a good thing, because I'm back. I got things to talk about.

2:28 Drew And tonight we may actually even take calls if we don't have a guest.

2:30 Adam It's possible, it's possible. I gotta do just 40 or 50 minutes on Europe. Went to Italy, went there with Jimmy and my wife, and Sarah Silverman, and cousin Sal, and a nice group of people, good group of people. Had a great time. Here's the whole thing, whenever I travel, I'm always reminded of what we could do just a little bit better in this country. You know, that's how I am. I feel like, in this country, I feel like it's like we're a car company. And there are always things we could learn from our competitors. You know what I'm saying? And I feel when I tour around, if I go to another country, I feel like I'm touring the factory of one of my competitors. And there are certain things you see where you go, yeah, we do that just a little bit better. But then there's a whole assload of stuff you go, wow, that'd be a good idea. It'd be nice if our car had one of those. And the thing is, it's not copywritten. It's not patented. There's no reason why we-

3:31 Drew We can just go ahead and use it.

3:32 Adam Just go ahead and use it. You find something that works, just go ahead and use it. And it goes, it's that way from electrical switches to laws, to just about everything. It ranges from almost nothing to huge. Do you know what I'm saying? And for instance, in England, I was talking about this last time I was there, out on the sidewalk, I reckon, and I work over at Jimmy Kimmel Live, which is right in the middle of Hollywood, and I park in the back and have to walk back around down an alley and across a thing and behind in this parking lot. I must step over 700 or 800 trails of urine. If you look at a urine trail, the urine is usually done in the corner of the building, but the building is sloped away from the building. They want the water to run away from the building and run into the thing and slide down the alley, and I end up crossing the urine line, I imagine O-line as we call it, Drew, us World War II fans. I cross the urine line probably seven, 800 times a week. I actually step over trial. Now, God forbid there's a bathroom that can be used at any service station in Los Angeles. The one at the bottom of my hill on Beachwood has had a bathroom out of order for the eight years that I've lived there. So people take a whiz in the street. All I'm saying is, is you go to England, England has a sort of a strange thing. It also looks a little bit of a pyramid shape with a couple things carved out of it. It's basically three guys can take a leak by turning their back to the world, pointing their dork inward, and taking a leak out of this thing that's sort of almost like a nose cone of a rocket. And it has like three coves spooned out of it. No big deal. You wouldn't be offended. More offended by the way, just seeing the dried urine, smelling the dried urine, stepping over that sometimes dried urine, and oftentimes wet urine.

5:32 Drew I'm sure three or four hundred years ago, those things were major advances.

5:35 Adam Yeah.

5:36 Drew You think we would have caught on.

5:37 Adam Let's go ahead. You see plenty.

5:40 Drew Maybe it is a backlash. Maybe it's the fact that we can't use, if there is a public, well, if a place of business has a restroom, it's not a public restroom.

5:48 Adam Right.

5:49 Drew And if you have a gas station, you sure as hell can't use that.

5:51 Adam No.

5:51 Drew So it's time to bring out public, public restrooms.

5:54 Adam Put a place where the fellas can take a squirt.

5:57 Drew Yeah.

5:57 Adam That's all.

5:58 Drew That's a good idea.

5:58 Adam Yeah. And by the way, if there wasn't several million gallons of human waste being dumped out onto the streets and sidewalks every day, we wouldn't need it. But we do. And by the way, you're talking to a guy who whizzes in the sink.

6:15 Drew You're offended.

6:16 Adam I don't have what you call delicate sensibilities when it comes to urine, but I see there's a problem. It should be addressed. That's all. And our little outhouse that does Lollapalooza that gets up to 170 degrees inside of it until somebody backs in you and tips you over in it, not the solution. The little tripod thing. Really, the base of the whole thing, the footprint, as we like to say in the business, Drew, the urine business, the footprint of the things about four foot around, just four feet around. And it's just spooned out enough on three sides and three guys can take a leak. And look, if you're offended by seeing a guy's back while he does his business, then you don't belong in this town.

7:00 Drew I think, I would bet that 90% of the things you observe that our car company should adopt are things that fall under the heading of, please, sirs, allow us to behave like adults. Let's all behave like adults. Let's create things that allow us to behave like adults.

7:16 Adam Want to, oh, Drew, I could just, first-

7:20 Drew Did I ring that bell properly?

7:22 Adam Again, I don't want to, first off, okay. Other countries, by the way, have a left lane, or as they call it, a passing lane. When they drive, they have a left lane that is used for people who want to move along at a better clip than you.

7:38 Drew Again, that's sometimes called the move your ass lane.

7:40 Adam Yes, you use that lane to either, here's the rules of the left lane. You either use it to go around somebody or you move at a fast enough clip in that lane that no one can get around you or wants to go around you.

7:52 Drew No, that's everything. People need to get out of your way.

7:54 Adam Yes, yes. Not the passive aggressive sea sucker who's going 59, who I've been hitting with the high beams and trading bumper chrome with for last 18 off ramps who gestures up to the 55 and says, hey buddy, I'm doing four miles out, you know, going on a good clip here. No, that doesn't exist. They understand, and by the way, transportation in these other cities is just that. You got to get from point A to point B and you want to do it as fast as you can. That's all. That's the way they do it. And when it's time to get across the city or across the country, they just move it along. They go, they get on a scooter, they go. And it's amazing, you walk through, and I walked through, well, we went to Italy and France. I must've walked, I walked around France. I covered several thousand miles. I was like a, you know, I was like a poet, Drew. I just put my walking shoes on, I put my Walkman on, and I just started, I just stumbled through that entire town. You don't see any paint on the curbs. There's no green for 15 minute passenger loading. There's no white, there's no red, there's no yellow. There's no color painted on. How does a society survive without multicolor paint slopped all over the goddamn sidewalk? Uh, uh, uh, your bumper is hanging into the red. Are you kidding me? How do they do it? I'll tell you how they do it. They find a goddamn parking space and they park. They don't even care what direction they're going. They find an opening and they fill it. And if they're blocking a driveway, they get towed. And if they're parked on the sidewalk, blocking a guy's storefront, they get towed. Other than that, it's life goes on. That's it. You found an opening, you park. You want to squeeze in sideways, you squeeze in. If you're going the wrong direction, you're going the wrong direction. That's it. People park, they trust people. You got a scooter, you pull it up on a sidewalk. That's it. You can't park a motorcycle anywhere in this city. You can't park a scooter anywhere. It's nothing. It's just, you need to park. It's just get raped by the parking guy who just decides by the way that, yeah, well, it's a 20 minute increments. You've been here 41 minutes. It rolled up into the next hour. So you'd be paying for that one too. We just got rid of every form of public transportation in this city about 50 years ago. And then the raping party began. Just how do they go? How do they make it through? I walked through Paris for three days. I didn't see a meter made. I don't think they exist. I didn't see, I didn't see a cop running.

10:33 Drew Well, clearly that town is going to unravel.

10:37 Adam 500 more years, Max, before the wheels come off that pastry truck known as France. And let me tell you something. Talk all the smack you want about the people. They enjoy their life. They're not hassled. Guy gets a scooter, cuts across town, goes in, does a little shopping, cracks a beer, walks around like an adult, sips it down, gets back on the scooter, which is parked wherever he's parked without screwing anybody else, and goes back to his house. And they enjoy themselves. Oh, they enjoy themselves. I drive the car like a fugitive, just looking over my shoulder. Where's the park? What's the sign say? Uh-oh, look at the sign. Oh, it's no park. When's the street cleaner coming? This is only for guys with the yellow pass. Oh, is the bumper hanging into the yellow zone? What's the yellow zone?

11:29 Drew What about me with that crazy left turn, the guy waving me up the street to give me a ticket?

11:35 Adam Go to some of these other countries. You come back here, you'd be outraged. It really, we look at this as the bastion of freedom. Are you kidding me? You can't do anything in this country.

11:46 Drew You know why? We rely on laws more than any other country in the world to tell us what to do. Oh, those hateful, pussy lawyers.

11:53 Adam Just please, every lawyer, could we just take, I would love to just take a giant cargo net and fill it with lawyers and publicists and just fling it into the ocean so we could get to work on my utopia.

12:07 Drew Oh my God.

12:09 Adam They, all right, so I went out to lunch and by the way, I feel like a criminal when I travel because I do all the things that I would gladly and safely do here, but of course would be wrestled to the ground and arrested. But did we went to lunch, we had a group of like 10 people, somehow a extra beer was ordered and there's no way the ace man was gonna leave the heiny at the table when everyone got up to head out to do a little window shop and so I cracked myself a Heineken and we hit the sidewalk. High noon, Saturday, I'm walking around enjoying a beer through the streets of Paris for the first four or five blocks looking over my shoulder. What's a way to, using that thing where I take my hand and I cover the label and then I put it on my hip as I walk into the store and then I look around again to see where the cops are. They're not around. They don't care. I'm not doing anything. That's the point. It's not, the beer hasn't made me do anything. Drinking the beer is not the crime, you gotta understand. Getting drunk and doing stupid things is the crime. The drinking of the beer, that's not the criminal part. That's the part we gotta focus on in this country. I walked around like an adult with a beer in my hand, enjoying a little Saturday shopping, no problem.

13:26 Drew We have decided that good guys are bad guys.

13:29 Adam We've decided that a handful of A-holes is gonna destroy this country.

13:34 Drew For the rest of us.

13:35 Adam For the rest of us, hey, it can't be done. Yeah, we'd love to serve you that beer in a bottle where it tastes its best, but we gotta give it to you in a foam batting helmet, because one A-hole chucked it out on the field four years ago, and now- We could get sued. Yeah, well, but I don't have any criminal history. I like a beer in a bottle. Yeah, put it in the batting helmet and keep moving. That's it. Oh, by the way, it's gonna be $9 because we got that. There's a legal bond thing we had to pay for. It's liabilities through the roof. It's gonna cost you. Yeah, that's it. And by the way, another thing about Paris especially, and Europe in general, I can't believe people aren't dropping dead left and right from secondhand smoke. They actually have the temerity to let their citizens actually smoke outdoors and in cafes and stuff. And people sit in restaurants and gladly smoke. And then there's a couple next to them with a couple of kids just eating away three feet away from the chain smoking Parisians. I can't believe the entire city is not just keeling over. And by the way, listen, you liberal pussies, here's how we get rid of the Parisians. They all die, they should be gone. I'm checking my watch, Drew. Secondhand smoke should get these people the next six, eight months. They'll be gone.

14:53 Drew What's wrong?

14:54 Adam The smoke is what's going to go down. Walk the city, be like Omega Man, there'll be no one left. Everyone will be scared. Secondhand smoke, first rate killer, Drew. First rate, they'll all be dead. Oh my God. So the smoking, the secondhand smoke, the beer, the parking, they should all be dead by now, Drew. Or do they just enjoy their lives and go about it? Very interesting. But how can they do, how can they do it without the man telling them what's dangerous?

15:23 Drew It's a slippery slope. Don't suggest that we go to, they're going down that slippery slope.

15:27 Adam Yeah, oh, they're in trouble. Yeah. How do they exist without Rob Reiner telling them what's good for their kids or what's bad or what they can't do or what's gonna kill them or the ACLU suing them? How, how do they exist? Or they just get along. They just enjoy. That's all. They get about their, they go about their lives. And then here's the thing. Somebody gets out of line and I'm guessing the law comes in at that point.

15:50 Drew By the way, that's the thing we don't wanna do.

15:53 Adam What?

15:53 Drew Well, that's, we gotta protect everybody. Oh yeah. Protect their rights.

15:56 Adam Yeah.

15:56 Drew Can't write about that. This country's about freedom. What do you know about it? How dare you?

16:00 Adam For the love of Christ. And I'll tell you, I'll tell you, I'm not nearly done. We're gonna go with the calls.

16:04 Drew I'll take the calls.

16:05 Adam Okay, but I gotta say this one thing too. I'll tell you their thing. Little things. You don't even, you don't even appreciate here. I'm gonna give you an example of what a, what a pneumatic door closer sounds like. Against a timely steel frame with a two-hour burn rating fire engine, three-quarter door on it, and hotel room. This is what they sound like. That's what you hear. Along with a little vibration because it's a steel studded wall. It's a metal stud wall and the kaboom. You know that feeling? You're in a hotel room. You've been traveling for eight hours. You're excited. You're taking a nap. You're on your back. All you just hear that succession of kaboom, kaboom, kaboom. It's the maid coming in and out of the room next to you. You got the vacationing family from Idaho and the three kids are running in and out back and forth. They're going out of the casino or the pool, kaboom, kaboom. You actually feel the reverberation of it. You know what I'm saying? It's not a sound. It's a sound and a feeling. Pneumatic closers. Every hotel in the United States has why? Fires. There could be fires and then there could be lawsuits because as you know, Drew, and as I know, too, when you come home, if you don't have an automatic door closer in your goddamn hotel room, you'll just walk in and leave the door wide open, take a shower, masturbate, watch a La Spectre vision, beat off again, then another shower, then you go to bed. You wake up, the door's wide open. Wide open. Really? Is that how it works? What happens when you get home? You have a pneumatic closer on your front door?

17:37 Drew Every door.

17:37 Adam Every door.

17:38 Drew Every door.

17:38 Adam And your car door. How's the car door close? Wait a minute. No closer. No closer on the car door. How do you drive without closing? You could forget.

17:47 Drew All the time. You could get in the car. That's what happens.

17:50 Adam I'll be moving down in a car. I'll be going 75. What is this draft? I'll think to myself. And why is the dome light on inside the car?

17:58 The door's open.

18:00 Drew Damn, we gotta put that pneumatic closer on.

18:01 Adam Oh, there could be a fire outside. It could get inside the car. Gotta get the pneumatic closer. Get the automatic closer on the car door, Drew. No, closers every door. Every door. This goddamn radio station, I swear my left shoulder's bigger because I have to lean against every, kapunk, kapunk. I can't get to the goddamn drinking fountain without going through three, is this a submarine? What's going on? Hey, it's a fire hazard. It's a fire hazard. It's a fire hazard. The French hotel I was in is 500 years old.

18:34 Drew Oh, well, it'll be gone any day.

18:36 Adam Any day now.

18:37 Drew Any day. Kill him as a bear.

18:38 Adam Any day now, Drew. Any day. Well, between the second hand smoke and the no pneumatic closers, it's on fire right now.

18:46 Drew There could be no French people. No French people. It's gone.

18:49 Adam No French. They're on fire. And they have second hand smoke and alcohol poisoning. They're dead. They're all gone. Really? How's the hotel? Hotel, I mean, Napoleon took a dump in in 1722. Still there, no pneumatic closers. How does it work?

19:37 Drew They're going to do it.

19:38 Adam And you people understand how these pussies are eroding our lives over here. These pussy attorneys. Everywhere you go, everything you do, just being eroded, just being whittled at just a little bit. No, you can't be trusted. You should. Yes, sane people would close their hotel room door, but if they don't and there's a fire, then somebody beside the guy who didn't close the door is going to be liable. Really? How about blaming the guy who didn't close the door? Do we all need to sue somebody other than him? Seems like he's the guy who left the door open. And what percentage of people forget to shut the goddamn door when they go into a hotel? Probably only Americans who are used to it closing for themselves now when they travel abroad. I went to Paris, I shut the door behind me and I actually locked it. That's what I do. I'm crazy that way. I shut doors when I go into strange rooms and I actually will lock them. Why can't we be trusted to do this? And what percentage would leave it open? 10%?

20:42 Drew No.

20:42 Adam 1%?

20:43 Drew No.

20:44 Adam 0.9%? I mean, it's going down and down and down. It can't be measured. But. But.

20:53 Drew It's one.

20:53 Adam For the one slack-jawed yokel who gets so loaded, he forgets to shut his door and a fire breaks out. That's why we all must hear the symphony of thuds when we take a nap in a hotel. That's what this country is turned into. All right. What can we do? I have no idea. I'm moving. I'm moving to Canada.

21:16 Drew Canada? Not just Paris, but Canada. On your way.

21:20 Adam Lots of different, but they're right. Yeah, but they speak French.

21:24 Drew They share heritage, yes. Still different, but I'm sure they have Napoleon's crapper there.

21:29 I'm gonna work it out.

21:31 Adam All right, come on, let's get to the phones.

21:33 Drew All right, let's do it.

21:34 Adam Chrissy? You're 16? What's up?

21:39 Caller Oh, first of all, Adam, I love you with all my heart.

21:42 Adam Thanks.

21:43 Caller You're welcome.

21:43 Adam And hold on, let me just say this. Drew, I'm a little weak from talking for the last 20 minutes. I want to try to make it to the head during. I'll open the door in the break, could you give me a hand with the door?

21:53 Drew I'll open for you.

21:54 Adam Just pull it open.

21:55 Drew I'll put my shoulder into it.

21:56 Adam Shoulder open, a crack. Let me slide through before it slams shut. It's really, it's got about 140 PSI going on that pneumatic closure in there.

22:06 Drew I have carpal tunnel and trochial bursitis.

22:10 Adam Pull it open and cram a chair in there. I'll dive through and do a shoulder roll. Take a leak. I'll make it back before it crushes the chair. Because if a fire breaks out, and by the way, we could do worse than a fire over there at the arrow. Yeah, arrow. Yeah. We got to hear Hot Legs by Rod Stewart one more time.

22:26 Drew It's Chris.

22:27 Adam I'm just saying we could do worse. We could do worse.

22:31 Drew All right, Chris. What's the deal?

22:32 Adam We're going to hear Bad to the Bone one more time or maybe a little fire over there. Just start new. Go ahead.

22:39 Caller Well, like, I have this problem, like whenever there's like anything like sexual or whatever, like whenever, like, I want to orgasm, like I have to picture someone who, like, absolutely repulses me.

22:50 Drew By yourself. This is when you're by yourself or when you're with somebody else?

22:52 Caller Either.

22:54 Adam But what if you had sex with the guy who absolutely repulsed you?

23:01 Drew Are the guys you are being sexual with guys you enjoy being with, you like nice guys?

23:06 Caller Yeah.

23:08 Drew Just as a sort of notion of what might be causing this is that some people feel that their sexual part of themselves is sort of bad, or negative, or nasty, or something, women particularly, and in order to evoke that, it's hard to evoke those kinds of sexual feelings around a nice guy or guy you idealize because you feel like those things are things that you're ashamed of and you have to hide, and if you then fantasize about disgusting things in people, all of a sudden you can sort of get into that sexual place.

23:35 Adam But it normally goes to a bad boy, not a smelly boy.

23:39 Drew I agree, and I don't know for sure what all the differences are, but it's the same kind of thing.

23:44 Caller Mm-hmm.

23:45 Adam Well, that's just you, baby doll. Let me tell you something. It takes all kinds. That's one thing I know.

23:49 Drew I bet that goes away, too.

23:50 Adam Yeah. You there? All right, sweetie. You're fine.

23:55 Drew Good times.

23:56 Adam You're fine. You're not nuts. Here's the whole thing. Those of you who think you're nuts, you're not nuts. Those of you who don't think you're nuts, you need help. That's what I'm trying to say to all of you. Yes?

24:07 Drew That sums it up pretty well.

24:09 Adam Angelica?

24:10 Yeah.

24:11 Adam You're 25?

24:12 Caller Hi.

24:12 Adam What's happening?

24:13 Caller Nothing.

24:14 Adam All right.

24:15 Caller It's so neat to be on the phone with you guys.

24:16 Adam It's great talking to you. I love the show.

24:19 Caller I listen all the time. You guys are great.

24:21 Adam Thanks, sweetie. What's up?

24:23 Caller I had a question. My boyfriend, we've been together for a year. He wants to ejaculate on my face.

24:30 Drew All right, hold on a second.

24:32 Adam Hold on a second. That's good. Boobs, I understand. Butt crack, I understand. Face, that's marginally aggressive, but I appreciate it.

24:45 Drew Chris seemed to really respond to that one.

24:47 Adam Yeah, he gave him a big, yeah. Hold on. Oh, high five. I guess that's his thing.

24:54 Drew All right.

24:55 Adam We're going to get to Angelica. And by the way, isn't it sort of, pardon the pun, sacrilegious? Do it to somebody named Angelica.

25:04 Drew You would think.

25:05 Adam Yeah. What's your name, baby? Angelica.

25:07 Drew Take that. The strangest thing of all, a guy named Jesus doing it.

25:12 Adam Yeah. Now, if your name, if your name Cammie or Tammy, you got to comment. Let's face it.

25:18 All right.

25:19 Adam Drew, help me with the five pneumatic closers.

25:21 Drew Chris, we need three guys on this one.

25:23 Yeah.

25:23 Adam Because there's five of them between me and the urinal. And we'll be back with Angelica after this.

25:30 Hello, this is your radio.

25:49 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline and Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LLVE-191, Jenny McCarthy, in Tomorrow Night, and then Alanis Morissette, Crank Yankers, Comedy Central, Tuesday Nights. We always forget to mention that. So we're just talking about the slow erosion of this country and everyone's liberties, but they're always fired up when they come back from Europe, even though it's only been two times. I can't enjoy my trip because I went to Europe for the first time and I was like in my 38, maybe 37, 38, anyone who's there for the second time who's younger than I am, I'm angry at them. So it's like, oh, I've been to Paris like five times.

26:37 Five times?

26:38 Adam How old are you? 23. 23?

26:42 Really?

26:42 Adam Oh, well, I wonder. Well, first time was in junior high. So we went as a group.

26:47 Really?

26:49 Adam Come get the band eyes. I just went with the school. I can't believe, and then I realized my trip is ruined because someone else was here before I did. Did you get mad when you hear those stories? Well, it was either that or space campsite.

27:03 Oh, what?

27:05 Adam You know, the one that gets me hurted on this trip too, a friend of mine I went with. Stepdad bought me a Porsche when I was 15. That's the one, that's the one. Now, here's the one. I'm mad enough at kids when their folks buying cars. Then when the stepparent comes in and does something, I'm extra mad. But once in a while, you run into that jackass who got the car a year before. Well, I wasn't 16 yet. I was really like 15 and two thirds, but my stepdad saw a great car, so he jumped on it. And I had to, well, he would let me, I would just sort of drive the back. He went, it's like, before 16, you got a car? Well, he bought, this guy, I was, I almost flew, we're in Italy, he's a good friend of mine, Bill. I almost flew back to LA to strangle my dad. I, he said, he said, stepdad bought me a Porsche at 15.

27:58 Caller Really, a year before, a year before?

28:01 Adam He spent a year fixing it up. I said, I'll get outside, I gotta get out of here. I gotta fly back and strangle my dad, I'll be back. Actually, I got kicked in the nuts strangling and then I'll be back. Is there a red eye? I have Naples.

28:14 Drew You're going over with one of your nice guys.

28:17 Adam A year fixing it up.

28:18 Drew You must be screwed up.

28:19 Adam No.

28:20 Drew It has to be.

28:20 Unless we all, we'll have our problems.

28:23 Drew That's not a good thing.

28:24 Adam No, he's a good guy.

28:26 He's a good guy.

28:27 Adam He's not screwed up. Angelica?

28:29 Drew Okay, Angelica and Jesus.

28:31 Adam We all have our crosses to Patriot, that's what I'm saying. Okay, so 25, the man wants to finish on your, I was going to say puss, but I do mean puss.

28:45 Caller Face.

28:45 Adam Right on the face, right? How did he broach that subject with you?

28:51 Caller We were just talking about it and he was all, hey, if I blew it on your face, what would you think about that?

29:00 Drew Yeah, and you seem to have... You understand?

29:04 Adam Chris is nodding over there and you're, oh, double high five from engineer Chris.

29:08 Caller You don't ask.

29:09 Drew You frequently have insight.

29:11 Adam You don't ask a man at a bar if you can cold cock him. You know what I'm saying?

29:15 Drew Yeah, I hear you.

29:16 Adam Otherwise, you get taken out. See what I'm saying?

29:20 Drew Yeah.

29:20 Adam Yeah.

29:20 Drew But here's the deal. There's sometimes things that I do not understand. I just cannot get it. Can't get my head around it. And you seem to have sometimes some keen insight into these things. So what is it again? Why?

29:33 Adam What is that?

29:36 Drew I'll tell you why.

29:37 Adam I'll tell you why. There's two reasons guys have sex. And it's a percentage. It varies for guys. And Drew, pipe down now until I'm done here. One is, hey, it feels good. The other is, who's in charge now kind of thing. And for a man of exquisite, extraordinary passion like Dr. Drew, the, it feels good part is 98%. There's always, I believe in heterosexual males or any male actually, there is that like, yeah, yeah, who's on top now?

30:11 Drew Literally, figuratively, some type of, little that, little animal, little that. Let me clarify that. I think men have some sort of an aggressive tendency. And they almost want to hurt a woman with their penis.

30:21 Adam I would like to, but I'd have to like detach retina. I think about the best I could do.

30:26 Drew Right, so there is that.

30:28 Adam Can't do any vaginal damage.

30:29 Drew Yet, but in there.

30:30 Adam I could take out a nostril.

30:32 Drew In there is sort of pleasure pain.

30:33 Adam Maybe if they had like a bad tooth, like a root canal that went bad or something, I jammed it just right into the tender gum.

30:39 Drew I don't see the continuity from that to disgusting, weird.

30:44 Adam That is sort of, you know, submissive, who's in charge.

30:48 Drew I get that a little bit, but then.

30:51 Adam But the hurting.

30:53 Drew The disgusting part, why disgusting?

30:55 Adam Because that is what you, that's what you would do to your enemy. That's when you conquer. Conquer. It's a conquering. It's a conquering. It's not. We're not just going to take you prisoner, we're going to break you down. You see, we're going to get you into a naked pig pile and take pictures of you while butch chicks are smoking next to you, referring to the Iraqis. But this is what we're going to do, we're going to break you down, we're going to emotionally break you down.

31:24 Drew There's some sort of primitive conquering impulse.

31:29 Adam You don't conquer and then sort of, all right, everyone keeps their dignity and no, we're going to strip you of your dignity.

31:37 Drew And so when a guy does that or wants to do that and a girl says no, what's a guy to do? He's just got to clam up about that and do what other normal people do? Or is he supposed to, is he going to come out in some other weird way?

31:53 Adam I don't, I don't, and like I said earlier, as a man of extraordinary passion, you don't identify with that because...

32:01 Drew At all.

32:02 Adam No, because anything that doesn't feel good is a waste.

32:08 Drew It's a, I have more of an idealized experience than a de-idealizing experience. And that's...

32:14 Right. Right.

32:17 Adam Angelica?

32:17 Yeah.

32:18 Adam So here's the thing. You can certainly... I believe there's a large part of a guy who wants to do all these things to a chick, who wants the chick to say, are you... No, I won't be demeaned that way. You can't do that to me.

32:33 Drew Do you think he maybe wants to be dominant?

32:35 Adam I'm your girlfriend. I'm not a pet.

32:36 Drew Is that the guy that wants to be dominant?

32:37 Caller I told him it was porn star-ish and I wasn't down with it and he said, oh, lots of girls would like it and lots of girls would want to do it.

32:45 Adam Lots of girls would call this show. It was stepdaddies got to them when they were eight years old.

32:52 Drew Girls expect to be demeaned by men.

32:54 Adam Right. So listen, Angelica. Yeah. You tell him it's not your bag. He can't empty his bag.

33:03 Drew Anywhere near you.

33:04 Adam Yeah. No. Look, by the way, if you're into it, you're into it. You know, I can't judge. We can't.

33:10 I can't.

33:11 Adam It's impossible to judge. Everything's the same. How can you judge when everything is exactly the same?

33:16 It's just preference.

33:17 Adam It's preference. Every people, every culture, every religion is all exactly the same, so we can't judge. That I've learned. But the point is, if this is what you're into, it's what you're into. But if it's not, then it's not. But I do really do think, Drew, that guys are asking you to pull on their chain a little bit and give them some boundaries. When they want threesomes.

33:37 Drew I just wonder if it's going to come out some other weird way, because guys have a way of, you know...

33:41 Adam No, I think you should say to them, look, I'm not some whore, I'm your girlfriend. I don't want to be demeaned that way. And he would probably respect you more. If you let him do it, it'll be demeaning and eventually he'll look down on you. Thank you.

33:57 Drew So maybe it's a testing.

33:59 Adam I do believe there's elements of that involved. Allie?

34:04 What was that?

34:06 Caller Oh, that's my daughter.

34:07 Adam You're 19?

34:08 Caller Yeah.

34:08 How old's your daughter?

34:13 Caller Wow.

34:13 Adam Wow, true, it sounds too much like a baby. All right, well, what's happening?

34:21 Caller Well, I have a little problem. I don't know if it's fair, but my fiance, he doesn't want me working. And I quit my job because he doesn't want me working.

34:33 Drew Because he wants you home with a child or you never want to work?

34:35 Adam Yeah, because he's a high-powered executive. You're at the Arby's, right?

34:41 Caller A what?

34:41 Adam Where are we working? A plant store?

34:46 Drew Sears plant store. Why would you ever want to give up a career like that? Yeah. To have to stay home with your child.

34:54 Adam I work around bulbs and manure.

34:56 Drew What a demeaning.

34:58 Adam Well, that's good. But no, it's a good thing. You have your child. Four months old. He needs to spend time with mommy, right? Right. All right.

35:08 Drew What's not to happen to you, though?

35:09 Adam What were you raking down at the Sears? $8, $15, $9 an hour?

35:15 Drew Okay.

35:16 Caller I mean, but I want to go to college because I want to become a police officer.

35:22 Drew Everything in its time. Yeah.

35:24 Adam Well, here's the whole thing, everybody. You can't crap out a kid at 19 and then explain what it is you want to do.

35:33 Drew Yeah.

35:33 Adam No, now you got to be a parent for a period of time.

35:36 Drew That's what you're going to do. That's what you have to do.

35:39 Adam Right. And this is why we sort of urge people not to have the kids at 19. It puts things on hold. It doesn't mean you can't do what you want to do eventually. It's just for a period of time and maybe not that long a period of time. You're 19. You got to take care of your kid.

35:57 Caller I mean, do you think that there's like, is that just him being a father and him being a, you know, good dad saying that I shouldn't, like, for her, for her sake?

36:07 Drew What happened to you, Ally? Did no one take care of you growing up?

36:11 Caller Well, my mom died when I was 11 years old in my arms, so I really...

36:15 Drew What did she die of?

36:17 Caller Brain tumor.

36:18 Drew What was she like early on when you were a child, early on?

36:21 Adam Dying someone's arms of a brain tumor, you just hang out at the hospital?

36:25 Caller Yeah. I mean, I hung in there, but after that, my dad kind of, like, just went his own way, and I was basically on my own till now.

36:37 Drew But I bet you were on your own even earlier, too.

36:41 Caller No, I wasn't on my own, like, early, early on. Like, my mom used to take care of me.

36:46 Adam Well, yeah.

36:47 Drew Don't you think that's important?

36:48 Adam You didn't have to go on Forge for food when you were three, but... And by the way, your dad, I'm sure, was never a great guy if he decided after mom died if the tumor would be time to move on.

36:59 Caller He wasn't... Well, he's not a great dad, but...

37:03 Drew No kidding.

37:06 Caller He left... My mom... My parents are from Spain, from Europe. Aha. Yeah, I lived there for four years. I lived there since I was a little baby. And my dad left his ex-wife for my mom. And so they had us. And then we went to... We came here. I was born in Miami, though.

37:29 Adam I'm not sure where that one went.

37:30 Drew The child needs a primary caretaker. At least five. And somebody needs to be around that child all the time.

37:38 Adam And by the way, when you got a four-month-old, it should take balls to tear you away from the kid.

37:45 Right.

37:50 Caller You know, when I started working, like, I don't like letting her, like, be by herself.

37:56 Adam But those shoppers need insecticide. And by cracky, there's only a couple of million people in the United States who could do that.

38:06 Mm-hmm.

38:07 Adam Okay. Don't work. Take care of the kid.

38:10 And go back to school.

38:11 Adam If you want to be a cop...

38:12 Go back to school.

38:13 Drew That's great.

38:13 Adam Don't crap out any more kids for a while.

38:15 Caller No, I'm not. I'm not having any more.

38:17 Drew So she's in school. And that's fine.

38:20 Adam You're on birth control? All right. Good. And you have a fiance?

38:25 Mm-hmm.

38:26 Adam And he works?

38:27 Mm-hmm.

38:28 Adam What's he do? He's in the military?

38:32 Drew Is he here? Is he here?

38:35 Caller Yeah, he's here.

38:37 Adam And he makes enough money to take care of you guys? I'm satisfied. Look, I don't know why he doesn't want you to work. I imagine he wants you to take care of the kid, and that's a good impulse. And he may be the one that has the better compass when it comes to parenting. Yeah. Here's the thing. Not everyone is born a great parent. You have crappy parents, or you have a tragedy, you suffer tragedy.

39:05 Drew You're not a great parent.

39:06 Adam He's leading you. He's pushing you in the right direction a little bit.

39:09 Drew As you always said, just listen to smart people.

39:10 Or people with ten talents.

39:13 Adam That's right. Sears sells plants, huh?

39:15 Drew Yeah, they love the gardens, actually.

39:17 Adam They do? It always amazes me when they put guarantees on plants. And I try to think of other people other than my mom that would dig something up and return it. Yeah, I spent $3.99 for that one quart size potted plant. Well, it's three weeks. I went home and I planted. It died on me on Tuesday. I'm bringing it back, like my $3 back. You sell me a car, it blows up and I pull off the lot. I'm still going to push it home. Just chalking up some laws. You know why, Drew?

39:51 Drew No self-esteem.

39:52 Adam No. Well, you know why else?

39:55 Drew Why?

39:56 Adam Literally.

39:56 Drew Oh, that's course.

39:57 Adam Literally a million.

39:58 Drew Your time is worth it. Literally. Literally.

40:02 Adam We put guarantees on all these plants. Who's bringing them back? I got to meet that guy. I also like the guy, once in a while, you flip open the penny saver, the recycler, you see the guy selling an item, just thinking about the garden. I see a guy selling a flathead shovel, a rake, $8.

40:21 Uh-huh.

40:23 Adam What's going on? How about giving it to somebody? There's some organization that needs a flathead shovel or a rake. You can give it $8, and then the guy comes in and works you down a little bit. $8 for that flathead. Did you see the nick? It's got a nick on it. Yeah, the handle looks like it could go any time. I see him over at the Home Depot, brand new, for $11. You take $6? Oh, really? Just the guy showing up at the house? That's it? Could it be a house? We'll take a quick break. When we come back, we'll speak to Joe. So, uh, excessive ass sweat when he gets around. I got some ass sweat going, too. Yeah, we can wear light after this. 1-800-LOVE-191. Hey, everybody, it's Adam.

41:16 Drew And I'm Dr. Drew.

41:17 Adam Here to talk about Axe Deodorant Body Spray.

41:19 Drew Yes, sir.

41:20 Adam You spray that on, you give stink the axe. Hey, everybody, it's Love Line. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Tell you one thing they do over there in Europe, Drew, that I like. They put the tax into the price.

41:43 Drew Yeah.

41:43 Adam Yeah. They do. It says, the thing says 45 euro. You walk up, 45 euro is what you pay.

41:52 Drew Except in England, they have that value added tax.

41:54 Adam Well, I'm just talking about what I experienced in Paris, in Italy, which is nice because even though the percentage is like 13%, it still gives you this weird feeling. There's nothing worse than when some stereo is like, well, it's $557 and you go in there and the guy rings it up and it says $622. It's always tough when you hop to the next, when you hop to the next, especially in the hundreds. You go something in the high 70s, like $578, and you pop in around $620, $618, whatever it is. Because in your brain, it went up $100. That stereo was $500, now it's $600. Yeah, it pops up on you. And if they did it at 13%, I'm sure there'd be a revolt. But they just put it in. And by the way, I don't need to see the thing in front of me. You know what I mean? That's fine. Ching, ching, ching. And then at the end, you see that big block. You know, if you ever go to like Price Club or something, you see a thing of $250 or something. I don't need that.

43:04 Drew Our problem is we're a confederation of states, and not every state will have the same law. Look, in Nevada, it is in the price.

43:11 Adam Is it? Well, I guess it is. Well, they just say no sales tax, right? Or they say no state tax. It's not in the price. They have no state tax.

43:20 Drew Maybe it is.

43:22 Adam There's a sales tax. I don't like when they do the cha-ching, here's the grand total. I don't like when it goes up. Just dis-fin-bit. And look, if something is in actuality of $42.95, just make it $50, and I'll give you the $50. It feels better, Drew. It feels better. You feel like you're getting away with something when you're not. Because the thing you just bought for $45 is really $32.

43:45 Caller Right.

43:46 Adam And it would have been $41 here, but it still feels better. Is that confusing? Chris? Chris still likes to finish around the noggin.

43:59 Caller That's his thing. What?

44:00 Adam He likes to finish, you know, around the noggin.

44:03 Drew Oh, of the ladies.

44:05 Adam Of the ladies, yeah. He's what we call a noggin finisher.

44:08 Drew I see.

44:10 Adam That's his thing.

44:11 Drew Noggin decorator.

44:12 Adam That's what he likes to do. Yeah.

44:13 Drew All right, Joe, what's up?

44:17 Adam Good.

44:19 Thanks for taking my call. First off, I'm actually in Ocean Beach right now. I don't even have an airfield, so if the planes fly above me, I digress ahead of time. I'm calling because I have a sweating problem. Any time I'm intimate, so to speak. Well, actually, it doesn't have to be with another person. It can even be like when I'm masturbating. I tend to sweat a lot in the buttocks region. I'm sitting in a chair and like, you know, rub one out.

44:51 Adam Nice fart go by the way.

44:54 Actually, I like that.

44:56 Adam Oh, come on. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Here's the thing. No. Nothing, Drew. No pop.

45:08 Drew No pop.

45:09 Caller No pop.

45:09 Adam Here's the thing, Joe. Most guys will sweat around the small of their back.

45:18 Drew Is there a hair problem? Hairless.

45:22 Caller Ha ha.

45:23 Drew Sweating hairless.

45:24 Adam At the base of your spine, you will sweat, Drew. Do you notice that? There's certain places. For me, it's my entire cabasa. My whole head just drips. I still get some of that ass sweat, too. You know what? It's tough on a hot day in the car with the vinyl seat, wearing the slacks. Get out there. That's a good look. Try it on the back. Nice upside down heart of ass sweat on the khaki trousers as you get out, a little nervous on your way to that meeting, that job interview. Smooth. Yeah. Nothing you can do about the ass sweat, my friend. Oh. That's it. I am now becoming a sweat expert because I've been trying to get my head not to sweat for like 10 years and figured out there's things you can do, things you can do for your palms, things you can do for your underarms, things you can do for your head, too, and your feet. Some of the procedures are more involved than others, medications, things like that. But ass, it's right in the middle. Yeah, no one's really focused on that. By the way, you don't sweat less, it just moves. You clip the ass-sweat one, next thing you know, it's dripping down your brow or all over your palms.

46:41 Drew Interesting.

46:41 Caller All right.

46:42 Adam Whoa. That's second fart in what, about 45 seconds? Little ass-trick.

46:49 Caller Impressed. We'll take a quick break.

46:51 Adam We'll be right back.

46:52 Caller Here it is.

46:53 Adam Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

46:55 Drew Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

46:58 Caller Call the Dateline. 1-877-889, date. Love Line, I'll be right back. So get your problems ready.

47:32 Adam Hey, everybody, Loveline and Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LLVE-191. All right, who's in here? Jenny McCarthy, Tomorrow Night, Alanis Morissette, two very different women, but enough personality to fill a tanker truck between the two of them.

47:54 Drew Absolutely.

47:55 Adam Very different personalities, but personality nonetheless. All right, yeah, what's happening?

48:04 Drew And Adam loves women that are assertive.

48:07 Adam Oh, yeah, let's get a hand in. Let's break it down now. Oh, let's go now. Let's do it, yeah. And listen, let me say this, gentlemen, I use that term loosely, a helmet, not a chair. Grab a knee, grab a knee everybody. Yeah, break it down, grab a knee, grab a knee. Are you ready to rock here, Drew?

48:26 Drew Let's go.

48:27 Adam Let's talk to Jessica, who's 20. Jessica? What's happening?

48:35 Caller Not much, how are you?

48:37 Adam Doing good. Moving forward, I don't know why. I decided I was in and out of love with Jessica in the first eight seconds I spoke to her. She's got one of these chunky semen questions, which always makes me think of chunky semen and then I get repulsed.

48:57 Caller Yeah.

48:57 Drew Wouldn't even think of that too many times.

49:00 Adam No, she wants to know if it means a guy is dehydrated.

49:03 Drew No, it just means he's not been cleaning the pipes recently.

49:05 Adam That's right, that's right. Mine comes out, it's buttermilk, consistency of buttermilk, like it's been put through cheesecloth.

49:16 Drew That's when you nugget in it. That's at its sort of peak when you've been asked to sort of refrain for a day or so. Rest of the time it's just powdered milk, right?

49:25 Adam Powder, it comes out in powder.

49:26 Caller Yeah, it's big poof.

49:29 Adam I beat off, it's like you threw a sack of flour into a fan.

49:31 Drew Right, right, yeah, of course.

49:33 Caller Poof. 17, what's up? What's going on?

49:55 Caller Oh, well, my boyfriend and I have been going out for about five months now and things are good, but like when we're together, oftentimes we just kind of fool around and missing that, but we never really get down to going all the way.

50:20 Drew Have you done that before?

50:22 Caller What was the answer?

50:26 Drew Have you done that before? You've never had sex before?

50:29 Adam Hold on a second. We got this horrible phone system, which is you really, if you're doing a national radio show, you couldn't do worse than this, which is everybody around the country can hear Lisa's answer about whether they've done it before, but us. And so we seem like retards when, and it seems to know when to cut out. It's like-

50:53 Drew It's that line five, especially.

50:55 Adam Drew thinks that, he's like one of those pigeons though.

50:58 Drew Superstitious pigeons.

50:59 Adam That's you, because we have it on all lines. I've been keeping an eye out for it, but it's like-

51:05 Drew We do have it all, but the one and five are the worst.

51:07 Adam Yeah, so but for those of you listening at home that don't hear the part where it cuts out, it's only the part where they answer.

51:13 Drew And it's the part where we follow with a long pause, and then going, asking the same question again.

51:19 Adam That's right, but it really, it sounds like this. It's like, are you, is this, have you done it with him before? Then we get just a beat of dead air, and then because the person said no or yes, and then we sit there like retards and re-ask the question. That's how it works, all right.

51:39 Drew Well, there's even a worse, I don't know if it's worse or not, but we can tell when it's clicking off. Here it goes from white noise to total silence.

51:46 Adam That's right.

51:47 Drew So we know we're not gonna hear it, we know we have to re-answer it.

51:49 Adam Now I have no idea what she said even, even though she reiterated it.

51:53 Drew I was no, she's a virgin.

51:55 Adam She's a virgin?

51:57 Drew And how long have you been with this guy? How long have you been with this guy? And he's a virgin as well? Yes. How old is he?

52:09 Adam Mm-hmm.

52:10 Drew Maybe he's not planning on having sex just yet.

52:12 Adam Five months, huh? And you'd like to lose your virginity to him?

52:17 Caller If anyone at this point, of course it's him.

52:21 Drew It's interesting how Lisa's voice changed at least three different times, you know what I'm saying?

52:25 Adam That baby girl thing going at the beginning.

52:27 Drew And then it went to be Ursula from Little Mermaid. It went to the beginning.

52:33 Adam Ursula from Little Mermaid?

52:35 Drew How's it Disneyland all day?

52:37 Adam Well, please, leave the references at home. Okay, so how about telling them you would like to have sex with them? Too weird?

52:49 Drew How about a discussion? How about a philosophical discussion about when, did you think you'd lose your virginity? Are you waiting till marriage? We're just good.

52:57 Caller Yeah, interesting.

52:58 Adam Yeah, I mean, one of those, you know, at the mall.

53:01 Drew Yeah, just-

53:02 Adam Like you don't have to be intimate with them.

53:03 Drew Right. But just, I'm just, you know, pending for your thoughts. When you have what your values are. Mine are, I'd love to have sex any day now.

53:11 Adam Yeah, start it with a dear gay-o.

53:14 Drew No, when she sort of lets that one fly, watch this guy. Why'd you imagine what happens to him?

53:20 Adam Well, Drew, you're thinking of a 17-year-old, passionate, passionate, passionate doctor. Well, actually, not doctor at the time.

53:28 Drew No, strangely not at 17, no, strangely not.

53:30 Adam No, no doogie, Drew. Just a plain old Drew as a man of exquisite passion.

53:37 Drew Well, let's be fair, retarded, lame. You want to put those acronyms.

53:42 Adam Lame, but passionate. You were a nerd, but you had the penis of a porn star and the mind of a rodent. Yes. All right, so Lisa, where was I? OK, is he religious?

54:05 Drew But he hasn't talked about that as sort of what his guiding principles are.

54:09 Caller No, he goes to church on Sundays.

54:13 Adam He does. I'm picturing a guy with the weird, horrible bang haircut. He's got those bad teenage boy bang things.

54:21 Caller The bang thing. He did have a bang when he was in 8th grade.

54:25 Adam OK, he's grown out of that. All right, well, he's Christian, and so this may not bode with his sensibility. We'll see. So, what's the answer? Do you have to rub the mic along your chest?

54:39 Drew The answer is to discuss just general philosophical terms, what he's planning to do.

54:44 Adam Well, in a way, it's sort of like before you marry someone, talking about family.

54:50 Drew Right. Absolutely. How many kids do you want to have? What kind of priority do you have? That sort of stuff.

54:56 Adam This is the precursor to that in the family talk is the hump talk. What about it? And then, well, it's like, is a BJ out of the question? I have ended many, one of these philosophical conversations with, how about a BJ?

55:14 Drew And not just philosophical conversations, to be fair.

55:16 Caller Right.

55:17 Drew Most of your conversations end like that.

55:18 Adam Conversation with my parents about borrowing money that ended with, how about a BJ?

55:22 Drew That's what I'm talking about.

55:23 Caller Sure. Sure.

55:24 Adam I've been pulled over and finished conversations with police officers. Of course.

55:29 Drew At the Customs the other day, you remember that?

55:30 Adam Customs, airport security, many, many. Even once I got...

55:35 Drew The cabbie that was your wife was vomiting next to it, at least, you know.

55:38 Adam When I got on the plane, would you like some champagne or orange juice? I finished that. Even those and, or, yes and no ones, I've answered that. How about that? Jennifer?

55:50 Caller Yeah, hi, guys.

55:51 Drew You start complaining about the nuts.

55:53 Adam You're 22? Yeah.

55:54 Caller First of all, thanks a lot for taking my call. I really appreciate it.

55:59 Adam Our pleasure, baby doll. What can we do for you tonight?

56:03 Caller Basically, I've been bulimic for about two years and I've tried to stop like myself several, several times and because of it, I basically ruined a lot of my friendships in college and now that I'm graduated and I'm going to grad school, I'm just really scared about what it's going to do for me in grad school and...

56:26 All right, now hold on here.

56:28 Drew Well, you live in Pasadena. Exactly.

56:30 Adam Where'd you go, UCLA?

56:32 Caller Yeah.

56:33 Drew So, there's only three grad schools.

56:35 Adam Are you Asian?

56:36 Caller Yeah.

56:38 Adam It's all coming together.

56:39 Drew So, there's three potential grad schools from Pasadena. There's Caltech.

56:46 Adam No, we're not going to. Drew's going to because he loves college.

56:50 Drew There's Fuller Theological Seminary School of Psychology and then there's SC Medical Schools right down the road there. Or School Psychiatrical School of Pharmacy too.

56:58 Adam Ooh, Asian Pharmacy. We may have a match. Jennifer?

57:03 Caller Sorry, I live in Pasadena but I'm going to veterinary school. Yeah.

57:10 Drew You mean you're away for the summer or something?

57:13 Caller Well, I graduated like in December. I ended early and then so I have a break from December until August when I start school.

57:21 Drew I see, got it.

57:23 Adam It's good times.

57:24 Drew Well, the bulimia, you started with your bulimia rather...

57:26 Adam By the way, I just got to tell you how my... You know, I have my... I every thought I think it's racist. Yes, it is. And not in a bad way. I'm just always trying to figure out... What we do is talk to people and try to figure out what color they are, what religion they are, where they're from, where their family is from. It's all racist. Well, like I said, not in a bad way. So, I heard bulimia. I heard the voice. I was on the sort of white and little girl. I heard the bulimia. I stuck with the white one. Then I heard graduated college, 22, and now I shifted to Asian. And then I thought, Asian bulimic, we don't get the Asian bulimic thing. I'm sure it's a problem. We just don't happen to hear from it. But I did shift to Asian. And once I shifted Asian, I went UCLA. And that's how I arrived at my answer. So that's what I got. I got, I knew she went to UCLA. So I didn't get the veterinarian part though.

58:29 Drew No, that's, that's a long shot.

58:32 Adam Sorry.

58:33 Drew Jennifer. Do you have a big trauma history?

58:38 Caller No, I don't think so. No.

58:40 Drew Are you addicted to anything? Do you have a cut or anything like that?

58:45 Caller Um, I started to, but it never developed into anything like that.

58:50 Adam Drew, why is this not a bigger problem in the female Asian community?

58:55 Drew I see a fair amount of it.

58:56 Adam Oh, you do?

58:57 Drew It's very shameful.

58:59 Adam So it is a big problem. It's not talked about.

59:01 Drew I know it's a big problem, but I've seen a fair amount of it.

59:03 Adam But that, but with this, the, the, the, the, the genesis of this problem is, is needing to be perfect, right? I mean, that's one of the, that's the nucleus of it. That's the beginning of it.

59:16 Drew With either a big time trauma or big time intrusion need to be perfect.

59:20 Adam Need to be perfect. And there, there's a fair amount of that in the, in the Asian community. Not a bad thing, but that's going to, that's going to turn into an eating disorder.

59:28 Caller It could.

59:28 Drew It could.

59:29 Caller All right.

59:30 Adam The other thing too, though, not, not hefty people. So it's not as quite as necessary, right? Although it doesn't always have to do with weight, right? Okay. All right. Just sorting it out. Yeah. You see, you know, it'd be a bad combination, needing to be perfect, intrusive parents in the Samoan community.

59:48 Drew They'd have it tough.

59:50 Adam There'd be a lot of eating disorder there. Yeah. Because that's a, that's a big group. Thankfully, a little more laid back attitude.

59:56 Drew Well, maybe if they got some of those, you know, Cindy Crawford tapes or something and they work that way. Yeah.

1:00:02 Adam They could shrink those calves.

1:00:05 Caller Crawford's like, yeah, watch your tape.

1:00:06 Adam Yeah. She's working out on the beach. Yeah.

1:00:09 Caller You can do that.

1:00:10 Adam Hey, get one of those mats. That's what they'll do it. You got to stretch and let me tell you something. You got to breathe. You got to breathe. Take a break. You know how you breathe by the way, right?

1:00:20 Drew That helmet. On a chair.

1:00:22 Adam You breathe in. You breathe in. You take a breath in. Do it with it. Now we exhale. That's it. Let out. Let the air out. Let all the air out.

1:00:32 Drew I feel so much better.

1:00:33 Caller Yeah, I do. One more time.

1:00:34 Adam In. In. I got to run your breath. I should pass out on the board. In. One in. One breathe in. Big one in.

1:00:44 Caller Big.

1:00:45 Adam Now let it out. And when you exhale, I want you to let all the oxygen that used to be in your lungs out of your mouth. One more time in. No.

1:00:55 Caller Okay.

1:00:56 Adam I really got it. That's part of the workout, Dave.

1:00:59 Drew Breathing.

1:01:00 Adam All right.

1:01:00 Caller All right.

1:01:02 Adam Jennifer, sorry. Drew got me going.

1:01:04 Drew So, Jennifer, you're in the more perfectionistic, intrusive realm, right? Yeah.

1:01:12 Adam Parents who put pressure on you to go to college and all that kind of stuff? That's all right.

1:01:20 Drew And you're vomiting?

1:01:21 Caller Yeah.

1:01:23 Drew And you understand the risk of this? This is a potentially deadly process.

1:01:27 Caller Yeah.

1:01:28 Drew All right. This has to be treated. It's a chronic condition like any other compulsive or addictive process. No.

1:01:37 Adam Because you're worried about the shame and your parents and everyone finding out.

1:01:41 Drew Absolutely impossible to self-treat because the fact is the reason people get this is a deficiency of interpersonal, intersubjective experiences. You must build a relationship with another person to build the internal mechanisms that can build to the point where you don't need these sorts of impulsive behaviors to control yourself.

1:02:01 Adam How often, sorry Drew, but boring, how often are you vomiting? Well, every day.

1:02:09 Drew I actually have something for you in Pasadena, you hold on. I will get you a name, but you have to take care of this. This is actually very, very serious. The reason you don't want to deal with it is not so much you don't want people to find out. You don't want to have to admit to yourself that this is a really serious problem. And by actually going to get help, you have to contend with the fact that it is really something that needs help.

1:02:32 Caller Does it take a long time to get over?

1:02:34 Drew It's a chronic condition. But I don't want you hanging up. Stay on hold. I'm going to talk to you off the air.

1:02:40 Caller All right. Thanks a lot, you guys.

1:02:41 Adam I'm going to take a leak. Jennifer, deep breath in. Deep in. In. In. Deep breath in.

1:02:48 Drew Why don't you make those noises while she's breathing in?

1:02:52 Adam In and exhale, releasing all of the air that used to be in it. I like the relaxation therapist, it overstates the obvious. Yeah. I'm going to need to take a big breath. Breathe all the air that's around your head, bringing it in, in your lungs, filling your lungs with the oxygen, having your lungs use that process of taking the oxygen out of there and then slowly exhale all the carbon dioxide, which used to have oxygen in it, has now been absorbed by the lungs, out of your lung area, up past the throat, the wind tunnel, and then out past your teeth, and out your mouth to where your head still is. And one more time. Yeah, the relaxation therapist that puts too fine a point on what to do it, again, breathe in and out. Jared?

1:03:56 Yeah?

1:03:57 Adam You're 17? What's happening?

1:04:00 Caller You know how much I love you guys, this is like my favorite show ever.

1:04:03 Adam Thanks Jared.

1:04:07 You're a genius, I swear, I can't believe I'm talking to you right now.

1:04:10 Adam And let me tell you something, let me tell you something about the beauty of my genius. I recognize it in my own time. Where's other, you know, they talk about other geniuses, he died penniless, he never, all the accolades, the applause, the awards, the praise, he never heard it, he never enjoyed it, he was a deeply troubled man.

1:04:34 Drew Your genius in your own mind, in your own time.

1:04:36 Adam In my own time, in my own mind, I enjoy it. I recognize it and I embrace it. Thank you, Jerry.

1:04:46 Drew Oh, thank you. I have more trouble thanking you.

1:04:47 Adam Now I'm miserable. Before you ask your question, deep breath in and exhaling, asking your question as you're exhaling. Ready? Deep breath in and question with exhale.

1:05:03 Caller All right, I have a...

1:05:04 Drew You can breathe out first. Okay. What's up, Jared?

1:05:09 Caller I have a rape fetish and a...

1:05:12 Adam Genius.

1:05:13 Caller Yeah.

1:05:15 Drew You're still grabbing tight.

1:05:16 Caller But I want to know what causes it and how would I get rid of it?

1:05:20 Adam Oh, right. Well, fireplace poker in the air is really the only way to get rid of it permanently.

1:05:26 Drew What do you mean by rape fetish? What is it you actually...

1:05:28 I like rape porn pretty much.

1:05:30 Drew What?

1:05:30 I like rape porn.

1:05:32 Adam Rape porn?

1:05:32 Drew Rape porn, what does that mean?

1:05:34 Caller Like porn with women getting raped.

1:05:35 Adam Let me see if I can do that math. It's sort of like...

1:05:38 Drew This is more of the concrete stuff.

1:05:39 Adam Drew, ask me what that rape porn is like, is really like me saying go to the cupboard and get me the salad spinner and you're going, salad spinner? What is that? What does that mean?

1:05:50 Drew What I'm asking...

1:05:51 Adam Rape, it's porn, it's salad, it's spin.

1:05:54 Drew I didn't ask the question. Well, is it sort of S&M stuff or what is it about?

1:06:03 Adam I'm not sure exactly what it is.

1:06:05 Drew Or is it back to that conquering thing that we were talking about?

1:06:07 I guess I kind of like the conquering thing.

1:06:11 Adam And is the rape... How detailed does the rape porn get? The guy breaking into the apartment kind of thing?

1:06:20 Caller I haven't seen too much, but I kind of like that.

1:06:25 Adam Let me explain. And Jared, you're not as nutty as you think you are. It's not a great impulse.

1:06:31 Drew Just don't do it. If you feel like doing it, then get some help. I know you're going to launch into something about these guys and the conquering impulse and stuff, but I find it extremely, exquisitely difficult to understand. Well, you're not like most men. But to have a drive to be with a woman and have sex and not like women, that's hard for me. I can't get that. It's like, I want that car, I want to drive that car. I hate that car. I want to crush that car. I want to smash it up. What?

1:07:11 Adam No, it's a combination of, it's not that I don't like women. It's almost more like drugs, which is, I need to do this. It feels good. I sort of don't like the drug. I like doing it. I need it. I don't actually like it.

1:07:37 Drew It disgusts me.

1:07:37 Adam I feel bad that I have to do it.

1:07:39 Drew I'm disgusting and that I have to do it.

1:07:41 Adam Yes.

1:07:41 Drew That means that guys feel really what they're reflecting upon is their own disgust and their own sexuality. It's not so much that they're disgusted with women.

1:07:49 Adam I think that's what it feels like.

1:07:55 Drew What an unpleasant way to go through life.

1:07:58 Adam No, but it's, oh yeah, sure. High five from Chris again over there, by the way. Did a lot of rape fancies at mom's house or are you just straight jacks? No. Is that okay? Let's check with Chris. How about a warm up?

1:08:12 Can you do a warm up? Careful now.

1:08:19 Adam Here's it. Chris, engineer Chris, $10 an hour. You got me a warm up on this coffee. It would take you about a minute. That would be, let's see, $0.60 and then it would be about a nickel. I'll give you $0.08.

1:08:35 Caller That's a good tip.

1:08:37 Drew That's nice.

1:08:38 Adam Do people hate me more or less on this show? Millionaire, the millionaire needs a $10 an hour man to do it. If I find a loogie floating at the top, I'm going to be PO.

1:08:47 Drew For some of his famous decorations.

1:08:49 Adam Oh, he likes to decorate. They call him the decorator. That's right.

1:08:51 Drew All right.

1:08:52 Adam Jared, oh, hey, right.

1:08:55 Drew We've never discussed this topic. This is interesting.

1:08:57 Adam Let's talk about it for a second. First off, okay, we'll get back into it. Let's just handle Jared for a second. 17, about 17, the testosterone is really hitting overdrive. And it creates a lot of bizarre sort of fantasy thoughts. And you could remember those thoughts at 15 of sort of sneaking into the girls' locker room kind of thing and becoming like invisible. And then that actually becoming invisible, here's a male mind's work. About 13 or 14, that fantasy of I would like to be invisible and come in and see naked ladies at the locker room kicks in. That then gives way to I would like them to sort of pass out so I could grab their boobies. It's the next logical step to being invisible. It's unclear whether I need to still be invisible. I guess it wouldn't hurt.

1:09:56 Caller Who cares?

1:09:57 Adam That way, the roommate wouldn't see me walking in and out of the room and it would be weird when the comforter just mysteriously pulled off of their boobs. That's what that is. The sort of rape thing is almost an extension, a further extension of those kinds of fantasies. I don't know why, but it is. OK, he's 17. This should slow down a little. He gets this sort of raging, spiking testosterone under control, and it makes you aggressive. That's it. I could remember being 16 or 17, seeing some crappy movie. There used to be lots of good, healthy rape, by the way, as we call it back. There were lots of rape scenes in movies and being very titillated by it. Like, oh my God. Now, you don't want to see any blood. You didn't see any kill. But the idea that all the things with the guy sneaking into the room at night, the chick would always ultimately like it. Yeah, right. I don't believe it happens in all rape cases where they actually start digging it at a certain point. But good 70s movies would do that.

1:11:07 Drew That was a routine thing.

1:11:08 Adam At the beginning, it was like, hey, stop. And then it was kind of like, this does feel good after all.

1:11:13 Drew Yeah.

1:11:13 Adam Yeah. Nice message there, by the way.

1:11:17 Drew Great, great decade.

1:11:18 Adam Yeah. Very responsible message to send that, well, once you get to the halfway point of the rape, chick will start digging it.

1:11:24 Drew So literally the guy.

1:11:25 Adam You just got to push through.

1:11:26 Drew Doing demeaning.

1:11:27 Adam You get to the halfway.

1:11:28 Drew Doing demeaning things to a woman is the same thing as the woman going for the unavailable guy.

1:11:34 Adam I guess it is.

1:11:35 Drew So the bad guy. It's the same thing, right?

1:11:39 Adam Yeah. It has to do with.

1:11:40 Drew It has to do with the disgust in your own sexuality.

1:11:43 Adam Yeah. At least strong feelings about it.

1:11:46 Drew Yeah.

1:11:46 Adam Alright. Who is a passionate man? I could not understand. No disgust. No disgust. Alright. We are going to take a quick break.

1:11:54 Drew Can't judge, though.

1:11:55 Adam We cannot. Even rape is true?

1:11:57 Drew No judgment. They allow that in Europe, I'm sure.

1:12:00 Adam That's our culture. A quick break from rape-onia. If there was a place.

1:12:04 Drew It would be in Europe.

1:12:05 Adam It would be called rape-onia and you came from there, then you could rape and we couldn't judge.

1:12:10 Drew That's right. It's all beautiful.

1:12:11 Adam That's right.

1:12:12 Drew It's all guys' children.

1:12:13 Adam And it's a violent crime, by the way.

1:12:15 Drew Where do you come?

1:12:16 Adam By violence. You come violently. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:12:21 Drew I'm a rapist.

1:12:23 Caller 1-800-LOVE-1-9-1 Drew.

1:12:28 Adam Guess how many terrific sense ants the odorant body spray comes in? No, it's more. No, more. Love Line. I'm Adam. Brought my A game with the gas tonight.

1:12:56 Caller Yeah.

1:12:57 Drew Your A brought game, I think, is really funny.

1:12:59 Adam Yes. And no, No. No pop. No pop.

1:13:05 Drew Thankfully.

1:13:06 Adam Drew calling for shields. No shields. Shields down. Shields down.

1:13:10 Drew I don't trust you.

1:13:11 Adam Shields down. Got nothing. You know, when my gas smells, I laugh.

1:13:16 Drew I know you do. You're right.

1:13:18 Adam That's you know. First, I always get an initial chuckle out of the fart.

1:13:21 Drew Just the sound.

1:13:22 Adam I listen alone in the car. I blow some gas. I start laughing.

1:13:25 Drew And the anticipation of the scent gets you.

1:13:27 Adam Yeah, and I'm praying, but it's really nothing. I gotta invent some sort of, it'd be a variation on the pooper scooper, but that's where I can somehow get my gas funneled up to the face area.

1:13:41 Drew Should be something pretty easy to come up with.

1:13:44 Adam Maybe something I wear around my head or something.

1:13:46 Drew Yeah, maybe just a suit, just a body suit that just, it's like a big peanut that goes up to your nose.

1:13:52 Adam I'm on the move, though, Drew. You know what I mean? I can't be weighted down with bulky apparatus.

1:13:57 Drew It'll be insulated on the inside.

1:13:58 Adam Expensive, bulky, cumbersome, dangerous. No, I need a smaller battery, possibly solar-powered unit that I just wear around my neck that you can actually just bring the air from that area up.

1:14:11 Drew Why don't we just plant an electrode in your head that gives you the smell of fart whenever you want, just by surviving it, though.

1:14:16 Adam Every time I blink? What do I need electrodes for?

1:14:22 Caller I've got an ass.

1:14:24 Adam Yeah, yeah, nothing, nothing. Could be a whole pile of cherries. That could be doing it. Fruit always gets me going.

1:14:32 Caller Yeah.

1:14:34 Adam Hey, and by the way, you know that beans beans, the magical fruit?

1:14:41 Drew Yeah.

1:14:43 Adam Why don't they just pick a fruit?

1:14:45 Drew Cause that's not for everybody. Fruit doesn't do it to everybody.

1:14:49 Adam I'm just saying you're gonna, you're turning the legume into a fruit. You know what I'm saying?

1:14:55 Drew Yeah, cool. It's gotta run with two.

1:14:58 Adam I understand that.

1:14:59 Drew Legume doesn't rhyme with anything good.

1:15:02 Adam Beans, beans, magical legume. The more you eat, the more it blows out of your fruit of the womb. Huh? Chris? No, no, it's still bitter about them. Like, I can't, it's about $10 an hour. Here's the thing, though. The beans are not a fruit.

1:15:20 Drew Yeah, it's legume.

1:15:21 Adam Yeah, I'm just saying, pick.

1:15:23 Drew I should pick a fruit. Cherries, cherries, musical fruit.

1:15:25 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah, musical or magical or whatever the hell they call it. Yeah, just, yeah, pick, pick, pick nectarine.

1:15:31 Caller Pick one.

1:15:32 Adam That's all I'm saying.

1:15:37 Caller Nate?

1:15:39 Adam You're 26?

1:15:40 Caller I am.

1:15:40 Adam What's up?

1:15:41 Caller Actually, real quick, I had a quick question about what you guys are just kinda talking about. Why do you think farts smell worse when you're in the bathtub? You don't have your thought of that?

1:15:53 Drew Because your head is near where the gas is emerging.

1:15:56 Adam You're in that position, if you're like me, you'll follow the bubble trail up and it's really just a concentrated dose that doesn't get exposed to the atmosphere until it's about eight inches under your nose. Whereas I think you blow gas out, it goes everywhere. Drew, you get some, engineer Chris gets a nostril full.

1:16:18 Caller Right on.

1:16:19 Adam If I was in a tub, it wouldn't, you know, yeah. And you are in that position.

1:16:25 Caller All right.

1:16:28 Adam And look, any man who said he didn't follow the fart bubble trail up to when it released at the surface is a liar, a liar.

1:16:38 Caller What else?

1:16:38 Caller Damn liar.

1:16:40 Drew What else, that's it?

1:16:42 Caller No, no, no. That just kind of popped in my head.

1:16:45 Drew Real quick now. Let's get to it.

1:16:47 Adam Here we go, buddy. Break it down. Let's get a hand in. Gentlemen, that helmet, not a chair. Here we go.

1:16:54 Caller All right, let's get going here. What I was wondering, whether what I was telling the producer or whatever that answered the phone was that, ever since, pretty much I guess you could say I hit puberty and was able to do my whole man thing, you know, and ejaculate. I pretty much up until I, I'd say maybe hit the late teens, early twenties, was masturbating at least twice a day, maybe I'd say. And then now it's more just basically a once a day type of thing, but still it's at least once a day.

1:17:24 Drew And the question is?

1:17:25 Caller Yeah, and what I was wondering is that I've recently got a job as a bartender where I'll be more exposed to the ladies. And I'm wondering, I'm not a virgin, but would doing that masturbating too much like almost kill a whole sexual experience? Like if you're-

1:17:44 Adam Yeah, in your drive.

1:17:46 Caller Yeah.

1:17:46 Adam It's gonna slow your drive down.

1:17:48 Caller Like how does that work? I don't quite understand that.

1:17:51 Adam You wanna- There's an optimal range. You wanna meet women. Now, are you talking about the experience? Okay, here's what I mean.

1:18:00 Drew Losing erection or losing drive?

1:18:01 Adam It's gonna be difficult. But you're saying if you beat off that afternoon, then you go into work that night and you get lucky and you take one of those chicks home, is it gonna screw you up from a motivational standpoint or is it gonna screw you up from a performance standpoint?

1:18:16 Drew Is that the question?

1:18:17 Caller Yeah, I guess more of a performance standpoint. Mike, if I'm gonna be more used to what I want when I use my videos or magazines, whatever you want to say.

1:18:28 Adam You're used to, yeah, all right. Here's some.

1:18:32 Drew Yeesh, it's a little creepy, isn't it?

1:18:36 Adam Nate? Yeah.

1:18:38 Drew So you suggest that people are objects on a common ground with pornography.

1:18:46 Adam No.

1:18:46 Drew And the people may not quite measure up. Which is what he's saying.

1:18:49 Adam That's not what he's saying. What he's saying, and first off, don't worry, Nate, I've sized you up. You're not gonna have a big problem with bringing home the ladies every night. Once in a while, some fatty may pass out after one too many Long Islands, and he may get a crack at her. But even that's doubtful. So, don't worry about it. Although I do appreciate you planning for your penal future. Here's what he's saying. He's so used to beating off, he's so used to looking at pornography, he's so used to sort of sitting in front of TV with the VCR going, that when he becomes intimate with a woman, it's almost new territory for his package. Right. And yeah, there is an element of, well, I mean, you gotta practice how you play, kind of thing.

1:19:39 Drew The position you're gonna be in when the time comes.

1:19:41 Adam A, at least you gotta be on the same goddamn field.

1:19:44 Drew And B, leave enough Chi behind to be able to motivate a little bit.

1:19:51 Adam Yeah, leave enough Chi in the tank. Yeah, it's an interesting thing. Most guys don't have that problem. I mean, of, oh, I beat off, so I'm not interested in women. No, the guys who beat off, beat off because they're that much more interested in women. It just didn't have to be one around. Yeah. Yeah, hold on, big high five from Chris over here. Didn't care business that her mom's rich.

1:20:16 Drew He likes them just so he can demean them though.

1:20:18 Caller He just leads them around to, yeah, oh, he's the decorator.

1:20:22 Adam That's right. All right, let's, what are we gonna do to get you out of that house there, Chris? What are we gonna do? Bumpy up to 10, 15 hour?

1:20:30 Caller What are we gonna do?

1:20:32 Adam We're gonna get you a gig, a daytime gig. How about a little DJing, a little mobile DJing? You get a big milk crate full of records. You go to do parties. How's that going? Yeah, a little something, a little scratch.

1:20:47 Drew Krista's better radio than me, just as Jake said, yes.

1:20:49 Adam No, he's going, he wants to be on air too.

1:20:53 Drew Would somebody tell him not to talk?

1:20:54 Adam What's going on, buddy?

1:20:56 Drew Get that mic on.

1:20:57 Adam Talking to that mic.

1:20:58 Caller What's going on with you?

1:21:00 Adam How much you pulling down? I'm just out of curiosity because I'm gonna laugh like a maniac. How much you make a week on this job?

1:21:07 Caller It's a five day a week gig.

1:21:10 Drew Yeah.

1:21:10 Adam Yeah. How much an hour do you think?

1:21:12 Caller Well, 10.

1:21:13 Adam 10?

1:21:14 Drew Yeah, each hour.

1:21:16 Caller Oh, each hour.

1:21:17 Adam It's not like for a six hour set.

1:21:20 Caller So that's not bad.

1:21:21 Adam So they get two hours and they got to figure 15 minutes of prep and it takes 10 minutes to wrap it up at the end of the night. You got to bust roost coffee.

1:21:32 Caller Extra half hour.

1:21:33 Adam Extra half hour. So you got to figure about 25. Then minus taxes. We're at 17, 50, $18, something like that. Well, the good news is you're not up in the bracket department, so you don't get gouged. You know what I mean? For me, I make 25 bucks, I get 12.50 out of it. You, you make 25 bucks, you get $18. But we're not using 25 as an example.

1:22:01 Caller Right.

1:22:02 Adam You actually get $18.

1:22:04 Caller That's the problem.

1:22:05 Adam When I say I make 25, I don't mean 25. That's the problem. So, and then, so, you know, you bring it home 100 bucks a week from this gig?

1:22:16 Caller Pretty much.

1:22:17 Adam Drew, do you have your wallet on it?

1:22:18 Drew It is overnight.

1:22:18 Adam Give me a dollar. I don't have a wallet. I lost my wallet in Europe, by the way. Yeah, I would give you some money, but it wasn't in the crazy horse in Paris, actually. I would give you some money.

1:22:30 All right.

1:22:30 Adam So about 90 bucks, and then there's some overnight work. What are you bringing home from the station a week?

1:22:38 I haven't really broken it down.

1:22:41 Adam Don't know. You get paid every two weeks? Yeah. Two weeks, what's the number say on the check?

1:22:46 Like maybe eight.

1:22:47 Adam Eight? Eight every two weeks. Yeah. Getting close, close to being able to move out. Close? No, no, here's the thing. You get, I got first place I moved out in a one bedroom. It was a decent size one bedroom, it was one bedroom. I actually had bunk beds. Actually, I actually had a futon, like a gay man, with the weeds for the first year. But you get a roommate, he takes the living room, fold out sofa, you get the bedroom, you switch off. Whoever gets a bedroom, maybe pays an extra 50 or whatever. You get some cheap one bedroom apartment. It's what, 675, 750?

1:23:24 Drew He's down in St. Gabriel.

1:23:25 Adam St. Gabriel?

1:23:25 Caller That's the hard part, finding a roommate.

1:23:28 Adam Finding a roommate? Yeah.

1:23:29 Caller That's the hard part.

1:23:30 Adam Really? Other people here at the station, young people, looking to strike out on their own?

1:23:36 Caller All right.

1:23:37 Drew I'll look around.

1:23:38 Caller Look around. Do it now, will you?

1:23:41 Drew No, no, right this second. No, seriously.

1:23:43 Adam All right. You get a roommate, you get the big, you get the eight, you get, and you're bringing, we'd say 800, do you see? 800, so it's like a 16 and change in your hand at the end of the month? Yeah, you're doing good. You rent 750 or 700 or whatever you go in halves, you're fine, you're there. Gotta go to break. We gotta go to break? Yeah. All right, that's my plan for you, engineer Chris. And like I said, if I didn't lose my wallet, I'd give you some money right now. Drew, go out to my car, get some change on the ashtray. All right, we'll take a quick break. When we come back, we'll speak to George. George is 20, goes limp when he uses condoms. Wants to know why. All that after this. That's Dr. Drew, Jenny McCarthy, in here tomorrow night. Just spat out a kid, Drew.

1:25:03 Drew Yes, she did.

1:25:05 Adam The first thing I'm gonna say to her when she said sad? My famous phrase?

1:25:08 Drew No.

1:25:09 Adam Mother, you want another?

1:25:11 Drew Never heard that phrase.

1:25:12 Adam That's what I say. No, I never say.

1:25:16 Drew You'll do that for her, no doubt.

1:25:19 Adam Oh, nothing like a nice fart. Quick correction here. Engineer Chris, $800 every two weeks. Turns out that's once a month. And that changes things dramatically. Yeah. I was saying to move out, now I'd like you to go deeper into your own house. I'd like to actually pull up the floorboards and dig up like a crazed serial killer. Actually, I'd like you, yeah, if you could further get further into your own house.

1:25:48 Caller Like bad Ronald did.

1:25:50 Adam All right. Seven East movie reference. All right, so stay at home. Yeah, 800 a month. That ain't gonna get you out. 1600 a month get you out. 800, you're still in. We gotta get you out. The minimum for you to get out of the house with the roommate is gonna be somewhere in the 11 to 12 range. Yep. And we're gonna have to do that. I'm not sure. How do I do it? If it means Drew digging in his own pocket, then so be it. Yes, Drew?

1:26:18 Drew So be it.

1:26:20 Adam You ready to keep rocking here?

1:26:21 Drew Yep.

1:26:22 Adam George?

1:26:24 Yeah.

1:26:24 Adam You're 20? You go limp when you put the condom on?

1:26:31 Caller Yeah, like ever since probably about a year ago, I was with my girlfriend, my ex-girlfriend at the time, and she was like my first one to have sex with. And so we tried doing it, and we tried doing it a few times while we were together. And I went with the condom on, I just go limp. Like it's just, like I don't feel anything really.

1:26:51 Drew Have you tried different brands of condom?

1:26:54 Caller Yeah, I tried like two different kinds.

1:26:58 Adam But like- No, it's, okay, it's the proclamation that once you put the thing on, you go limp, that will forever make you go limp.

1:27:06 Drew There's an anticipatory anxiety to all this. But there's so many different kinds.

1:27:10 Adam Yeah, but that's not the point, that they're all condoms.

1:27:15 Drew All right, so the deal is he needs to practice. He really needs to drill.

1:27:19 Adam George. Yeah. How about you do this? Go to your local gay bar, head on in, have a smart cocktail, because you don't go in there and just grab a handful of condoms from the soup bowl that's in the front there. But Huntington Beach, yeah, you're fine. Around here, I think the gay bars have big fish balls filled with condoms.

1:27:47 Drew You can go and get a packet of condoms.

1:27:49 Adam It's a responsible thing to do. You go down to Planned Parenthood, you get a big handful of condoms, then you go home and you beat off. No porn, by the way. And that's what I call a dry run. No porn. You pretend you do it like a forefather's beat off. Or like you do when you're camping and the generator goes out. You just start beating off and then halfway into it, you stop, you put the condom on, and you finish into the condom. Now you get used to that. You train your penis.

1:28:25 Caller Yeah, absolutely.

1:28:26 Drew And try different kinds. I mean, I know I've got a bunch of stuff for the Trojan Kelp. But listen, they're kind of stuff with various kind of lubricants on the inside and things trying to make it feel better for you. And try different things on different sizes. Did you know that Magnum is not their big size?

1:28:44 Adam What is their big size? Is it 22?

1:28:46 Drew No, it's Magnum XL.

1:28:48 Adam The Daisy Airgun? Magnum XL. So Magnum is just...

1:28:53 Drew Magnum is just bigger at the tip. It just tapers up.

1:28:56 Adam Tapers up.

1:28:57 Drew Same at the base. Just kind of tapers up.

1:28:59 Adam Or a head and shoulder room in there. And so what, they're standard condoms, they're standard condom. That's just Trojan condom. They're called anything.

1:29:09 Drew They have all kinds now.

1:29:10 Adam All right, but then Magnum is larger than the standard one. Volume-wise.

1:29:16 Drew Volume-wise, yes.

1:29:17 Adam Would hold more fluid.

1:29:18 Caller Yes.

1:29:19 Adam And I don't mean seminal fluid. I just mean any kind of fluid.

1:29:22 Caller All right.

1:29:23 Adam And then the Magnum XL.

1:29:24 Drew Big.

1:29:25 Adam That's the big one.

1:29:26 Drew Yeah.

1:29:27 Caller Hmm.

1:29:28 Adam Like the use that maybe.

1:29:31 Drew Don't use it, just keep it at the bedside.

1:29:33 Caller Oh yeah.

1:29:34 Drew It should be allowed.

1:29:35 Adam I think my penis, though, I could like wrap it in bacon and then put that thing around it. You know, some to pad it out just a little bit. Oh, you know what would work nicely? There's a kind of a foam insulation that you snap onto pipes, like exterior pipes, they insulate it, you know? But it's sort of like a crossbar pad on a motorcycle. Nice. Nice. Pop off, pop one of those onto the penis. It's like a foam hot dog bun, you know? Just pow, then slide the magnum right over the top of that, the XL.

1:30:05 Drew Now you're talking.

1:30:06 Adam Now I'm talking. All right, that's my plan. I gotta do that now, though.

1:30:10 Drew Where's this been?

1:30:12 Adam I'm gonna do it during the break. Oops. Wait, we're done with George? All right, he's fine. Losing interest in sex.

1:30:20 Drew That one, yeah.

1:30:20 Adam Yeah. No, who? Matt? No. Janiel? Stepdad, molester. I'm gonna be fast. Janiel? I'm talking to you because I care. All right, your stepdad molested you.

1:30:35 Caller Yeah.

1:30:36 Adam And your sister.

1:30:38 Caller His daughter, actually.

1:30:40 Adam Oh, his daughter.

1:30:41 Drew So he undoubtedly got to also.

1:30:43 Adam Who? No, he molested his blood daughter and you, his stepdaughter. Okay, and is this guy in prison or dead or anything good?

1:30:53 Caller He's in prison.

1:30:54 Adam Okay, good. And it did. Yeah, it sounds like you've got a little therapy for this.

1:31:02 Caller Um, I haven't, she has. She has, you haven't. I have a strong support group of friends, which is always helpful.

1:31:08 Adam That's good.

1:31:09 Caller That's not really my question.

1:31:09 Adam You're smart, okay. Do you hate your mom, by the way?

1:31:12 Caller I'm sorry?

1:31:13 Adam Do you hate your mom for bringing this monster into the house?

1:31:16 Caller No, no, I love my mom.

1:31:18 Adam No, feel free to hate her.

1:31:19 Caller What is your question?

1:31:21 Drew I swear I heard a fire smoke alarm.

1:31:23 Adam What's going on?

1:31:26 Caller I'm wondering just some advice about dealing with her. Actually, my little sister, she's 15 right now. And I've been at college since this whole thing kind of happened, since I found out that she was also a victim and then she had a big kind of thing at her school where they were involved in prosecuting him. And I'm just kind of wondering if you have advice just from experience with dealing with like sisters and having that kind of be a topic of conversation between us, whether I should kind of just let it go and have it be something that she does with her.

1:32:00 Adam Well, I mean, you let it go in the way that things are unspoken, but yet you can be responsible about them.

1:32:09 Drew If she needs to talk to you, talk about it and talk, don't begin obsessing about it and preoccupying about it, and have your relationship be all about this. For the most part, it's probably something that ought to be left out, unless both of you or one of you feels compelled to talk about it.

1:32:23 Adam Yeah, you're not responsible for it, but you'd be a good older sister.

1:32:27 Drew Be responsible, be empathic, appreciate it.

1:32:28 Adam And be there for her and all the good things you would do as a good sister for anyone molested or not. And if she wants to talk, you can talk.

1:32:38 Drew There you go.

1:32:38 Caller All right, we'll take a break, we'll be right back.

1:32:40 Caller Alright guys, bottom line, here's the deal.

1:32:42 Caller Looking to hook up.

1:32:43 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

1:32:45 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:32:47 Caller Call the dateline. The dateline.

1:32:48 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:32:54 Caller Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:33:09 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:33:10 Adam That's the show, y'all.

1:33:12 Caller Hope you enjoyed yourself.

1:33:14 Adam I know I did, Drew.

1:33:16 Drew I know I did.

1:33:17 Adam Okay, Chris? That's so much.

1:33:19 Drew No, he didn't. He's humiliated. Adam, how dare you? You upset this young man.

1:33:23 Adam That's all right. I'm gonna make it up to him. Hehehehe. By the way, I'd like to just, I'd like to cut you a check for like 800 bucks and just pay for the year for this show.

1:33:34 Caller Thanks. Can we do that?

1:33:35 Adam That's cool. That might be it. That's with tip. All right. Now, we're gonna get you out. We're gonna get you a roommate. We're gonna get a hand in. We're gonna get you on your feet. We're gonna get you laid. All right, buddy? So until next time, Jenny McCarthy tomorrow night. Until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo.

1:33:52 Caller He was all, hey, if I blew it on your face, what would you think about that? Yeah.

1:34:03 Caller The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Ingold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, June 8, 2004