Episode 1000607816776

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content. The listener discretion is advised.

1:00 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:06 Voiceover Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist, back in studio for a very rare appearance.

1:15 Drew A rare appearance indeed, yes.

1:17 Adam I'm hearing this on.

1:17 Drew It makes me feel uncomfortable. I just thought I'd have to show my face to you once in a while, and then I'll be back out on the road again.

1:22 Adam Barbara Walters shows up on The View more than you show up on this show, Drew.

1:27 Drew That's good times.

1:28 Adam How's it feel?

1:31 Drew Yeah.

1:31 Okay.

1:33 Adam No guests tonight. Paul Tracy, the race car driver, was supposed to come in, but he had a horrible accident and is burnt over 90% of his body. They say he'll never race again. He'll define them by modifying a special car. No, he's just lazy. He's just dying.

1:50 Drew There you go.

1:50 Adam He's got to get up at the crack of whatever and didn't see fit to come in here. Who cares?

1:56 Drew So you can abuse him.

1:57 Adam No, I don't care. You know me, most guests, most hosts are upset when guests don't show up.

2:02 Drew For you, it's less work.

2:04 Adam It is. Yeah. I got to talk to people that come in here. I got to act like I'm interested. I got to read the thing. I got to give the website out.

2:13 Drew You have to interact with a human being.

2:16 Adam If they interact, I have to have a connection with another human.

2:20 Drew That's a pretty tall order for you.

2:22 Adam Right. All right. So the point is, guess not here. That's just more time for me, more time for us.

2:27 Drew Yeah.

2:28 Adam And let me say this. I got a couple of things to talk about. First off, I got a weird nasal thing happening.

2:35 Drew You just noticed?

2:36 Adam No. How dare you? I have a nasal thing happening where I got some yellow, green. I got amber stuff. I got amber coming out of one nostril, one nostril only. How does that work, by the way?

2:50 Drew It's infection. Why should it be on both sides?

2:52 Adam Why shouldn't it be on both sides?

2:53 Drew Like, oh, you've got infection in your hand? Would it have to be on both sides?

2:57 Adam Yeah.

2:57 All right, well, there you go.

2:59 Adam No, I mean, I don't know. Usually when your nose is clogged, your nose is clogged.

3:02 Drew Well, if it's an infection that starts as a virus and then occludes and then the bacteria is set up, I'd get it on both sides.

3:07 Adam And you know it's an infection because of the color of what's coming out?

3:10 Drew You'd suspect it, yeah. The pain and the weakness.

3:13 Adam I'll tell you, I got this thing going in the morning. I did the one, you know, the clogged, first off, I don't know if you can do damage to yourself doing this, but it seems like you could. Yeah, I did the one thing and I was just pushing, I mean, I couldn't have pushed any harder. And as things started to come out, like it was like a piece of yarn sticking through and I grabbed hold of it and started to pull it and my brain twisted, like I started my brain like an outboard motor. I mean, I could really feel it, like it had sucked back in, it sucked my hand up into there. My head was up to my elbow and in my nostril. I pulled the thing back out. I finally got out, felt great.

3:51 Drew Was it?

3:52 Adam Oh, there's more. There's more, but it's real satisfying. Like here's the thing.

3:58 Drew Like popping a zit for you.

3:59 Adam Yeah, 99% of the time I pick my nose, it's a nervous habit. There's nothing there. You know what I mean? It's like you do that thing where you just sort of scratch and you pick and you scratch and you pick, it's just little sort of snot mites coming off on your hands. But once in a while you grab onto something and you pull it and it's like pulling a shade down on a window, like you pull it and you go, it's like when you're fishing, it's like, Oh my God, it's on. Like there's that, well, it got caught, we were trolling, got caught in some weeds or something. And then there's that, this is a strike, fish on. Once in a while you get that fish on thing. And that's what makes the other 970 hours I spend picking my nose needlessly is again, it's just a sort of nervous.

4:42 Drew Well, now you get that big payoff, of course. It's like random reinforcement.

4:46 Adam This was-

4:47 Drew It was difficult to extinguish behavior.

4:49 Adam This was the, I don't know, if this was silver mining, this would be the constant strike.

4:56 Drew The mother load.

4:56 Adam Yes, I mean, I just pow and I pulled it out. It was satisfying, like I wanted to enshrine it more and I wanted to throw it away. It was awesome, it was awesome.

5:06 Drew So I was in Knoxville last night. I didn't tell you afterwards, I did like a local radio show.

5:11 Adam Is this Booger Talk?

5:13 Drew Well, it could. So the guy on the air is this, you know, like 350 pounds, six foot five.

5:19 Adam Overweight guy in radio?

5:21 Drew Yeah.

5:21 Adam I don't believe it.

5:22 Drew But jovial and well camped, you know, groomed and stuff. And it's like, I'm Drew, it's like, well, I'm a horse. Like, oh yes, in the Southeast.

5:32 Adam Right.

5:32 Drew You just, you call the person what they are. Right.

5:35 Adam Yeah, you get called what you are.

5:36 Drew Just what you are, you go, can you tell why?

5:38 Adam I'm like, yeah, yeah. Even if you're black, by the way, which is the, it's a scary part of that part of the country.

5:44 Drew They just call. They just come right out of whatever.

5:47 Adam What you is. Yeah, so you met Haas.

5:49 Drew Yeah, it was funny. But I thought it's how interesting that they just call people what they are. You are your name, they just give you that describes what you are.

5:57 Adam I was thinking more about the personal grooming part. And I thought as a fat guy, you shouldn't give up grooming. As a fat chick, you can give up grooming. You know what I mean? Like you see these fat chicks, they got 800 bucks worth of nails on them, the unicorns and then they got, spray paint on the things and the hair is always done. They're always at the, and then the makeup and the whole, they could give that up. Fat guy can still put a little pomade in the hair, give himself a shave, get a big belt buckle. Cause that's the whole thing. It's all relative. You know, if you've got a belt buckle, the size of, you know, a piece of furniture, or like a, like a manhole cover, manhole cover size belt buckle, your huge guts aren't going to look that big. Put on some boots or whatever, put it, you know, it's nice too, like a big ring, big chunky nuggety, like a pinky ring, very expensive watch or something. You can still, you can still score. You actually become a little intimidating to guys and women will have you because they say, this guy's got something going on. He should be a wreck, but look at him. Hair slick back, women don't need to bother with this. That's all I'm saying. Just put on the mumu, the slippers. Don't worry. Maybe a little mascara, but that's about it. All right, Drew, so where are we going? You met Hoss, you're back. I got a Snuggie happening in just the right nostril. I'll be working on that later. And well, that's it. You ready to rock? Let me tell you one other quick thing that happened to me today. Hey, you know, this is my pet peeve that, I wonder if this, I don't think this happens in other cities, by the way. I believe in Los Angeles, people walk around sort of constantly insulted or at least being prepared to be insulted.

7:46 Drew Are you going to tell us either, are you going to tell me about one or two stories? Either I, A, you turn right when somebody's trying to cross the street because you didn't see them and they're, you're the wild man now. Yes. Or you had something with a gas station attendant behind the proof glass.

7:59 Adam It's driving. And thank you for crapping on it. But yes, the, the jogger that's blowing past the four way stop sign. You come to where you get down about two miles an hour, drop in a second, start going again, see the guy dart out in front of your car, hit the brake. And he gives you that, call the police. Is it mad man? Is he, he's made it over the wall. He's climbed into an automobile and he's, he's, he's a terror. He's on the loose. It's like, hey, hey hole, I'm driving. By the way, did I drive the goddamn car to your living room or did you just not dart in front of my car?

8:33 Drew And by the way, did you stop or not?

8:35 Adam That's what I'm saying. That's my always, that's my answer to these guys is look, I'll apologize when you're crippled. You will get, you'll get one of those Whitman samplers and a bouquet and maybe, maybe even, even something that goes on after that. No, I signed you up for like the coffee of the month. You get a sack of a new coffee every now. When I hit you a hole, then you can say something. I haven't hit you yet, so you can't. And my car's going straight. You are the one who crossed the T. You understand? And it's, yes, it's as if these guys were preparing to jog, they were in their entry hall and you came sliding around the corner in your Mini Cooper, riding the horn, no, holding a fifth of tequila with like a couple of chicks in the back seat. You like reach around, trying to grab, trying to snap one of their thongs.

9:27 Drew And right up their front porch and hit a little bit.

9:30 Adam Yeah, chase them and they had to dive under their own sofa. No, you a hole, you put the Walkman on, you got no peripheral vision, you weren't a jogging suit that is asphalt color, that actually has the road stripes painted into it and you go darting in front of my car like a scared deer. And then when I have the temerity to lurch forward and then quickly hit the brake.

9:55 Drew How dare you?

9:56 Adam You gotta stop and give me that.

9:58 This is, what?

9:59 Adam I mean, I've never been hit. Really? Really? That's it, it's the same, it's the same. I live up in the hills, it's the same thing. There's no sidewalk. So everyone's jogging, everyone's trotting.

10:10 Hold on, hold on, I'm not done.

10:12 Drew I have a follow up question.

10:13 Adam This guy's got another person.

10:15 Drew Yeah.

10:16 Adam It's, they're a little bit older. These are the people that walk through the neighborhood and you have to, the only acceptable things, you can't drive past them because if you come up on them, they're in their sixties, they're walking their dog. They don't have jobs, by the way. And here's the thing about people when they retire. They think the entire world should have ether pumped into their living room like they do. They just, they just stop. They go, their metronome goes from tick, tick, tick to just, and it just stops. And you had to have to push it over to the other side. And you come, God forbid you drive past them. They're like-

10:49 Drew At the speed limit, yeah. Mad man, I'm gonna lose.

10:52 Adam It's a mad man. Yeah, what's he doing? Going to work, perhaps? Maybe he has a date to make. But yes, you are insane by virtue of the fact that you didn't, you know, they want you to pick up your car. Remember Fred Flintstone? They want you to put your feet through the goddamn floorboard and actually walk your car past them like you're holding an inner tube around your waist. That's it. And then set it back down when you're when you're past them and you can continue to drive.

11:17 Drew Same people get kind of disturbed when you walk around them at the airport, strange enough.

11:20 Adam Yeah, these are the these are the guys that are they're they're making about half a knot with a with a tailwind. And you you have to make a flight so you buzz past them on the on the people mover. And they're like, this is somewhere. This is rape. I've just been raped. I've been assaulted.

11:38 Drew Officer. But then what is about us, though? Because I have these experiences all the time, too, that if I'm the one who's a pedestrian, I get the guy who is outraged that I'm walking in this in the crosswalk.

11:50 Adam Oh, you see you get it.

11:51 Drew I'm in the crosswalk and the guy starts aiming for me.

11:54 Adam Hey, you're you got it's half to you. So you got it. You're looking.

11:58 Drew You love it.

12:00 Adam You got that victim thing and you have the parents.

12:03 Drew Okay.

12:03 Adam Your parents.

12:04 Drew But then why do you have that?

12:05 Adam I don't have that. Everybody screws me over legitimately.

12:09 Drew No, I don't say I'm not the one going, hey, what's the big deal here? I'm the one the drivers are doing that to me.

12:14 Adam That's how you perceive it. But that's because that's because I'm actually the one going, oh, you live in a snow globe. But instead of snow, there's little little pieces of victim falling on you. You're constantly shaken up. You got to look into that, Drew. Brittany. You're 19.

12:33 Caller Yeah.

12:34 Caller What's up?

12:35 Caller Well, basically, what's been going on is I am the kind of guy that I have been for about almost three months now. He's in the Marines and so he's stationed in California and I'm in Illinois. And we started dating when he was home around Christmas. And we decided that we wanted to have sex and we went to go do that. And then when he went to go put the condom on, he got soft and couldn't stay hard. And then it didn't really matter to me that much then. But then I went and visited him a month later.

13:09 Adam Well, wait a minute, how did you end that session? Because it's always, oh, I thought I heard a smoke detector.

13:15 Drew I think it was just a little feedback.

13:18 Adam Keep an eye on the time anyway. Hey, how did you end that session? Because it's always really weird when it's like you just sort of coast to a non-orgasm.

13:30 Caller What do you mean?

13:31 Adam Well, I mean, did you...

13:32 Drew Did you kick it back up again?

13:34 Adam Did you try to fluff him up or what did you do?

13:37 Caller Well, like we were fine and everything and then he went to go put the condom on and he was soft and then he couldn't even stay hard after that.

13:44 Drew So you just stopped, just stopped doing what you were doing.

13:46 Caller No, well, we didn't completely stop. He felt bad for me so then he basically finished me off.

13:53 Drew Okay, that's what Adam was asking.

13:55 Adam So he gave you oral sex.

13:57 Caller Yeah, which was fine. And then like a month later, I went and visited him.

14:03 Adam But you didn't try to get him going again.

14:05 Caller No, well, because like we didn't have very much time. So but later when I went and visited him, the same thing had happened. Like we had our own hotel room and the first time he actually finished in his pants after probably like just taking it slow, doing whatever beforehand before like any clothing was taken off. And so then like two other times he got soft again. And then I felt bad for him. So then I basically then I gave him a hand job and he was it took a little while for him to get hard again. And once he got hard, he finished. And I just I don't know like why it's been about now it's been about nine, ten months since he's had sex or done.

14:50 Adam I could have got too off, by the way, during the discourse.

14:55 Drew Just the description. Yes. The whole story. Put it on hold. We need to talk about it behind the back a little bit for a couple of moments here. It's like it's going to be a little bit like talking to primitive man here. It's interesting. I'm not sure that Brittany should be having sex. She's so confused by the body and how things work and can't sort of speak up about things.

15:16 Adam Finished in his pants.

15:17 Drew But it's all very mysterious and sort of, you know, I can't quite make sense of things.

15:22 Adam Yeah.

15:22 Drew I don't know.

15:23 Adam I've finished in my pants before, but that was intentional. That's, you know, sweatpants and, you know, in a bib form. You know what I mean? It's pre hamper.

15:33 Drew I see. There's just no socks available, you're saying.

15:36 Adam Right. Right.

15:37 Drew I'm proud of you.

15:38 Adam Right.

15:39 Drew Yeah.

15:39 Adam Yeah.

15:40 Drew So it's... I don't know. Brittany, what are the plans with this relationship?

15:46 Caller Well, we...exactly...well, I don't know exactly how to put it. We're trying... we're staying together. We've been together for a couple months. We... like, we love each other and we didn't need sex to figure that out.

16:04 Adam That's what Drew and I thought we had the same... we thought we had the same deal.

16:09 Drew And sex ruined everything.

16:11 Caller Yeah.

16:11 Adam All right, so... okay, we still don't know what your question is.

16:15 Drew Well, we... That's not what the relationship is either.

16:17 Caller Well, our relationship is great. We talk about... we can talk about sex and stuff like that perfectly fine. It's just he doesn't understand... more, I don't understand. We both don't understand why it is that he can't stay hard when we get to that point to having sex.

16:31 Adam He's fine all the way until that point. Do you need a condom?

16:34 Caller Do we need it?

16:36 Drew Right. In other words, could you use another form of birth control?

16:40 Adam We could.

16:41 Caller Yeah. We're going to... He's coming home in a month and we've talked about that and that's what we're going to try to do.

16:47 Drew The other thing he could do is sort of practice with the condom, practice putting them on or be masturbating with them on, that kind of thing.

16:53 Adam Different condom each time.

16:54 Drew Try to get used to, please. Try to get used to how that feels.

16:58 Adam Because the trouble comes when he gets the condom out, right?

17:01 Drew But this guy's sort of all over the place. He's pretty mature on one end and then he seems like a very, very anxious guy. How old is he?

17:09 Caller He's 19.

17:11 Adam And he hasn't had a lot of partners before you?

17:14 Caller He's only had three.

17:16 Adam Three?

17:17 How many have you had?

17:19 Caller I've had eight.

17:20 Adam By the way, three is index finger, middle finger, and pinky, ring finger.

17:26 Drew How does this count?

17:28 Adam That's two.

17:28 Drew Two for the first.

17:30 Adam Hey, Brittany, you two kids will work it out.

17:35 Drew That is very sophisticated advice.

17:37 Adam I don't care. They'll work it out.

17:39 Drew Look. My concern is that they just seem over their head with this whole thing. And I still didn't get a clear sense of what the relationship was all about, where it was going. He's super anxious. It's like they do need to work it out. I'll grant you that.

17:53 Adam I hate to say, but I think the condom is becoming a speed bump in the relationship. For them. Yeah.

18:01 Drew Well, she's going to go on the pill and that's what they'll do. Still STD risk for everybody.

18:06 Adam Yeah. You know, one of the cornerstones of being stupid is never really knowing what people are asking when they ask stuff like when you go like, does he need to use the condom? He's got to use a condom. You know, they just, it's like talking into a metal trash can. You just hear your own crappy voice come back at you. They never, no one ever knows what you're talking about. I don't know what that is. What is that, that people, you know, the dumber you are, the less, you know, the closer you are to people.

18:32 Drew You know what some of it is? No, it's A, not listening. And then B, we make, you know, our brains make sense out of things. You know, when we see something out on the street that looks like an animal lying there, it's just a palm leaf, you know, but we made an animal out of it. Well, we do that auditorily too. When we hear something, we think we understand what they're saying, we form it into something that we want it to be.

18:54 Adam Yes.

18:55 Drew And we think about listening and trying to figure out what the person intends.

18:58 Adam You know, things ironic about that, Drew.

19:01 Drew You didn't hear any of it. I stopped listening. That's nice. Well, what did you think I said?

19:04 Adam I saw your hand moves. I guess you're talking about food.

19:07 Drew Uh-huh.

19:07 Adam Wendy?

19:08 Guest Hi, Adam.

19:10 Hi, Dr. Drew.

19:11 Adam You're 22. You're a lesbian.

19:15 Caller Yes.

19:16 Adam You called some weeks ago, and I told you to go to the Olympic Gardens in Las Vegas.

19:22 Yes, you did.

19:23 Drew Well, I thought you told, we told your friend to take you there.

19:27 Caller Yeah. I told my friend. I was actually with her, but she didn't let me talk to you guys.

19:33 Adam So what's up?

19:34 Guest I just wanted to say thank you because I had a great time.

19:36 Caller I wanted to let you know you gave me a great recommendation.

19:39 Adam Did you, now you're a lesbian, so you hung downstairs with the ladies?

19:44 Caller Yes, sir.

19:46 Adam And did you, did you go into one of those like velvet rooms or champagne rooms?

19:53 I just watched.

19:56 Adam Just watched. Is that good enough for you?

19:58 Caller It was great. I had a good time.

20:01 Adam I would imagine that most of the women downstairs, A, hate men enough, B, are high enough and C, are sort of just generally sexually flexible enough to, you know, hook up with a chick now and again.

20:15 Caller I didn't get any hookups, unfortunately.

20:18 Adam Were you trying?

20:20 Caller I was looking good. I was holding the money.

20:24 Drew Well, that's not, that doesn't.

20:26 Adam Venmo, were you trying to hook up with the chicks?

20:29 Caller No, I wasn't exactly saying, hey, baby, come back to my room, but.

20:33 Adam Right. I mean, I feel like as a lesbian, where do you go to cruise for chicks?

20:39 Guest You know, not too many places.

20:40 Caller It's kind of hard.

20:42 Adam All righty then. That's really, all right.

20:47 Drew Well, she made me think it was bogus, the way she said that, because most people would have an answer to that, wouldn't they?

20:53 Adam Not anyone who calls this show. Is there ever, is there ever a response that's anything close to satisfying?

21:00 Drew Occasionally, but.

21:02 Adam As a lesbian, where do you go to cruise for chicks? Not too many places. It's just, it's really, it's like playing handball against the drapes. It's so unsatisfying. Every time I do the show, it's like I'm having a dream or I'm running in sand and someone really boring is chasing me.

21:22 Drew Does it look like me?

21:24 Adam It's, it's, it's blurry. It's it's got your head, but Likus' body, so I know he can't catch me. All right. I really, I'm going to ask Wendy again where she, where she looks for chicks. Wendy.

21:37 Guest Yes.

21:38 Adam Where do you look for chicks?

21:40 Guest Everywhere, Adam. Everywhere.

21:43 Drew That was a much, much more.

21:45 Adam Now I get the sarcastic everywhere.

21:47 Drew Cleared me out.

21:48 Adam I just want to know, like, maybe a home center. You got some ladies there. You know what I mean? Like, like we know where guys go. I mean, guys go to gay bars because there's other guys there and they just let the games begin. I mean, they're, they're guys. There's no, there's no pretense. They don't have to pretend like they're going to have a relationship. It's just a glory hole line moves to the right and that's it. Right?

22:17 Drew Yeah.

22:18 Adam I mean, that's it. It's guys, Drew. Imagine if it was you and a guy and you had to decide how long into the date you were going to get it on. A man, a man of equal or possibly more passion than you.

22:31 Drew Frightening.

22:32 Adam Frightening, right? I mean, you wouldn't get through the mozzarella sticks before something went down, yes? All right. We have a Germany or Florida here.

22:43 Drew Let's do it.

22:44 Adam All right. This this game is sweeping the nation, by the way, Anderson.

22:49 I just say it's break time.

22:51 Drew What is that thing you do, by the way, that makes that crazy noise in our headphones?

22:54 Caller You know how I can talk to you like off air?

22:56 Drew Yeah.

22:57 So you just hear it. I just hit that thing.

22:58 Caller So you hear dead air in your ear.

23:00 It's nice. I thought it was subtle. No.

23:02 Adam How about a nice boot in the nards?

23:04 How about like the only other thing I can think of is like to come on and say, hey, guys, when to take a break?

23:08 Adam No, look, make that stupid noise. I like that noise.

23:11 Drew Okay.

23:11 All right.

23:12 Adam We just.

23:12 It's just not subtle.

23:13 Adam Anderson just hits a little button. It makes a little static when it's about time to take a break.

23:17 Caller I thought it was nice and un-intrusive.

23:18 Adam Sorry.

23:19 Drew Fair enough.

23:20 Adam No, Drew. Don't do that. Otherwise, she's going to talk to you. Ben. There you go. You're 18.

23:27 Caller Okay. I have a Germany employer. At first, I actually have a correction on a different one. I don't know if someone else... Like last week, there was a caller who talked about someone kicking the dog and that sort of thing. It was actually from Tennessee, not from Germany. Technically, you got it right since it was in the States.

23:49 Adam Somebody teed up a dog basically and kicked it like a place kicker in football.

23:55 Caller Right. And they said it was Germany and it was really Tennessee. Anyways. Here's the question. A lonesome bachelor becomes a gruesome feast for the creepy crawlies he loved. They devoured his body after he got a lethal bite from his favorite pet, a deadly black widow. More than 200 spiders, several snakes, a gecko and several thousand termites gorged on their former master for days. Police who were called in after neighbors complained about the smell said it was like a scene from a horror movie. They found the remains of the 30-year-old loner draped across the sofa covered in giant cobwebs. Spiders were running all over him, said a spokesman. They were coming out of his nose and mouth. Larger pieces of flesh had been torn off by the lizards and were taken back to the webs of tarantulas and other bird-eating spiders. There were open cages and terrariums everywhere, all bathed in a weird green light. It was horrible. Police described the victim's tiny apartment as a cross between a botanical garden and a butterfly breeding room in the serial killer movie, The Silence of the Lambs.

24:56 Adam This is good.

24:57 Drew That's good. That's got to be someone in the United States.

24:59 Adam Just because the guy keeled over, why would all the terrariums get turned over?

25:06 Caller I don't know. I'm just reading what I have from the article.

25:10 Adam What's your source?

25:16 Caller It's the mir.co.uk news, all news, page.cfm.

25:22 Drew It sounds like a European thing. Anything UK.

25:26 Adam Uh-oh.

25:27 Drew There you go.

25:27 Adam Yeah, but Drew, that's not the way the game should be played.

25:30 Drew You asked the question though.

25:31 Adam But here's my point. I don't like this story because if he falls over after getting bit by a snake or tarantula or something.

25:38 Drew They shouldn't get out.

25:38 Adam Why does everything else get out of their cage? And then what are termites doing eating them, by the way? They would.

25:46 Drew Maybe there's something wrong in the translation.

25:49 Adam All right. But.

25:50 Drew Maybe termites should have been tarantulas.

25:53 Adam But Florida, that's kind of a place where you'd find a lot of that stuff, but we're going Germany. Germany. Yeah, you got it. Thank you. That's a fine story. I just I love the macabre stories like that. And I'm sure they're grossly exaggerated, but I still like the idea of, you know, his nose, you know, tarantulas scurrying away with his nose. All right, we're going to take ourselves a little break. When we come back, Drew, who are we going to speak to?

26:22 Drew That's fine. That one.

26:23 Adam Manuel. Pied with a boner in the morning.

26:25 Caller I don't know if you guys are going to feel good.

26:27 Adam Anal sex? Nikki and anal sex. All that after this.

26:35 Caller Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready, ready, ready.

26:41 Caller As many as one in three Americans with HIV don't know it, to find a testing location near you, call toll free, 1-866-344-K-N-O-W.

27:01 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline.

27:05 Drew Yeah.

27:06 Ready to go?

27:09 Caller Nikki?

27:10 Drew Hey.

27:10 Caller It On.

27:21 Drew GIO. It On. GIO.

27:21 Here you go.

27:22 Drew It On. GIO. It On. It On. GIO. It On. It On. We'll just see how long it takes, shall we? Yeah, hello.

27:31 Caller Hello.

27:31 Drew Hi.

27:31 Caller My question is this. The sex that I have generally is anal intercourse, and I want to know if there are any type of medical type of ramifications that might occur from this later on.

27:45 Drew Well, what do you think? I'm just curious. I mean, can you sort of use your imagination and think what might happen?

27:52 Caller No. I actually don't think that there's anything wrong. My intuition tells me that.

27:57 Adam Can you use your imagination and figure it out? All right. It feels good?

28:02 Caller It's the only way I can orgasm.

28:04 Adam Really?

28:05 Caller Yes.

28:06 Adam Same with Drew. And how long has this been going on and how many times a week you good for?

28:13 Caller With my current boyfriend, it's been about four years and we're at least anywhere from four to 10 times a week.

28:22 Adam Oh, hold on a second. See, as a guy and Drew, even as a man of exquisite passion like yourself, I don't know if I'm up to that challenge. Like I can climb that anal mountain every time there's a lovemaking session. And even so, you know, eight, 10 times a week or between four and 10 times. Is that how much fudge can be packed in a month? Do you know what I mean?

28:49 Drew How much pack can a fudge pack?

28:50 Caller If a fudge pack could pack fudge.

28:53 Adam Yeah, I know we'd have to ask Mr. Al on this one and try to find out how much fudge could actually be packed in the course of a month or a year. But you know what I'm saying, Drew?

29:04 Drew Yeah, it'd be weird.

29:06 Adam This guy's urethra must say, I mean, he must need like just a pipe cleaner just to go number one.

29:16 Caller Like, you know what I'm saying?

29:17 Adam He must, it must be like taking a Duke core sample. Every time the guy wants to go number one, like he goes number one and people come in and go, hey dude, you just go number two? And he's like, no. Well, I'm looking at the, first off, smells like hell in here. Secondly, I'm looking at the toilet. No, that was number one. Just dropped the log right out of the urethra. That's what I'm picturing. I mean, if they're not wearing a condom.

29:44 Drew And did you get any other flavor for that collar?

29:46 Adam A little angry.

29:47 Drew Oh yeah.

29:48 Adam Maybe a little extra around the hips. Nikki? You guys wear a condom?

29:56 Caller No.

29:58 Adam What do you do to prepare for this?

30:01 Caller We start out with vaginal intercourse and sort of move on to it.

30:06 Adam Best to go that direction.

30:07 Drew Yeah, yeah. The other way is not a good idea.

30:09 Adam Yeah, and...

30:10 Caller Yeah, I can't just do straight up in there. That hurts too much.

30:13 Adam No, and yeah, and I was thinking, you know, more from a cleanliness sort of a standpoint, but a hygiene standpoint.

30:22 Drew No prep.

30:23 Adam But yeah, what, do you do any prep, you know? Take a shower.

30:27 Caller Yeah, generally we're clean most of the time, but it's usually not, it's not a messy thing really.

30:35 Adam No.

30:36 Drew I wouldn't imagine. How dare you, Adam?

30:38 Adam Yeah, like if you put your index finger up my ass right now, it'd come out same way as it went in. You'd smell it, wouldn't know which finger went up there. You would not, you would not know.

30:48 Caller Oh, come on, it's not like that. I mean, Nicky definitely would know.

30:50 Adam Well, that's me, that's me, that is me. I'm very particular. So, Nicky, how's your background? Parents, any abuse, anything like that?

31:02 Caller None.

31:03 Adam Parents, dad's, what'd dad do?

31:06 Caller What did dad do?

31:08 Drew For a living.

31:08 Adam Yeah.

31:09 Caller For a living, he's kinda done a little bit of everything, did fiberglass for a while, and now is a local driver, truck driver.

31:17 Adam Oh, Drew, what did I write there, by the way? Did you see that word?

31:20 Drew Trucks, yeah.

31:21 Adam I wrote truck. I knew he drove a truck. Does he drink? He swore off that. All right, parents still together?

31:32 Caller They are.

31:34 Drew And no one hit you growing up?

31:37 Caller No, I mean, I think we, my brothers and sisters had spankings, but nothing that I would call abuse.

31:45 Drew But not you.

31:46 Adam You got any kids?

31:48 Drew You would never hit?

31:49 Caller No.

31:50 Adam You got any kids yourself?

31:51 Caller I do not.

31:52 Adam All right, good for you. Why not?

31:54 Caller It's hard to get pregnant when you're in the wrong place, right?

31:59 Adam That's an interesting point.

32:02 Drew That's a concrete reason, but that's not a causational reason.

32:06 Caller No, I understand. I'm just not ready for kids, so no, I don't have any.

32:09 Adam All right, baby, don't. So, what can go wrong? Well, I mean, here's the thing, and we don't know, because believe it or not, there's not been a lot of studies done.

32:19 Drew However, by the time you hit 60, 70, you, without this activity, will start to have problems in that area. And with this activity, you can certainly hasten things along a bit. Rectal prolapse, hemorrhoids, abscesses, fistulas. It's a lovely thing. And, you know, maybe you'll dodge that bullet, but at the rate you're going, it would seem to me that this would be in your future sooner rather than later.

32:45 Adam But again, if you're not experiencing any trauma.

32:48 Drew Any pain. Yeah. Yeah, but see, the thing is, I get the flavor, and I don't know this by Nikki, but I get the flavor that she needs these extremely arousing experiences in order to feel sexual. And so she probably takes things to the verge of pain routinely, which is-

33:03 Adam Something's up. I got something off Nikki too. I just didn't feel like we're gonna get to it.

33:07 Drew All right.

33:07 Adam Dad worked with fiberglass and is now driving a truck. That's abuse. Works with fiberglass. Sarah?

33:15 Caller Yeah?

33:15 Adam You're 20?

33:16 Caller Yeah.

33:18 Adam Good.

33:20 Caller Another question. I'm in college and I'm pretty poor and I was looking for a job for the summer and my uncle was telling me about a motorcycle technician training job that Harley Davidson has. And a lot of my guy friends are telling me that that'd be a real turnoff and that it's not really feminine and I shouldn't do it.

33:41 Drew I also think it could go the other way. I think guys would be into that.

33:46 Caller Really?

33:49 Adam Well, you need a summer job though, not a summer training program.

33:54 Caller Well, but it would be good money to start off. Like, it's something that I'm looking for and so I'd start this summer and it would be something I could do during college.

34:02 Adam So, it would be good money starting off.

34:05 Drew She means it would keep going.

34:06 Adam Yeah, it would be no money starting off. But then eventually...

34:10 Drew But still, it sounds... I mean, guys would be into that. They'd be totally...

34:14 Adam Here's the whole thing. If you're hot and you're a Harley mechanic, it's the coolest thing in the world.

34:21 Drew I see, yeah.

34:22 Adam If you're a big fat pig and you're a Harley mechanic, it's disgusting. But then if you could be a ballerina and the guys would still want nothing to do with you. So it depends. Are you hot?

34:33 Caller Yeah.

34:34 Adam You are.

34:34 Caller Uh-huh.

34:36 Adam What are you worried about? You should be doing things to try to slow them down a little bit.

34:45 Drew Wait, wait. Now here's the deal. Here's the deal. All these guys you asked are guys that want to date you. And then you would sort of tell them you're too busy and they don't want you to be more busy doing other stuff.

34:55 Adam You like motorcycles?

34:57 Caller I never worked on motorcycles, but I used to help my uncle in his car shop.

35:02 Adam Right.

35:02 Caller And...

35:03 Adam Should I give you a quick quiz?

35:06 Caller I'd rather you didn't. I don't want to embarrass myself.

35:10 Adam But you worked on cars with your uncle, right?

35:12 Caller Well, I would just help him out. I'm not a mechanic, which is why I would need the training program.

35:17 Drew Sounds like a great idea to me.

35:21 Adam You do it.

35:22 Drew Sounds like a great idea. All right.

35:25 Adam Or you could go to auctioneer school because she's made for that. You got it, baby. I mean, you're you're born to move livestock.

35:35 I got a $2.

35:36 I got a $3.

35:37 I got a $4.

35:38 Caller I got a $5.

35:40 Caller I got a $5.

35:41 Caller I got a $6.

35:43 I got a $7.

35:45 Caller I got a $8. I got a $10.

35:46 Caller I don't even know what the hell that's from.

35:49 Adam I could listen to that all day long. There should be just an auction station like, you know, I mean, we got every goddamn station in the world. We got religious. We got the Mexican stations. Well, there are sports. How much is that?

35:59 Drew Songs we've got.

36:00 Adam I want nothing but livestock auctioning 24 hours a day. The morning show guy, morning show guy is like, have them seven hours, five to seven. That's the only 10. I need 10. Weather and traffic coming up. You know what I mean? It'd be great. It'd be great. I would listen to that. Drew, let's work on that.

36:25 Drew Consider it done.

36:26 Adam Yeah. I watch the car auctions. You know what they do? They get the hot chick to stand. There's a couple of hot chicks. They stand next to the guy and then when he gets into the bid off with the other guy, he's got the hot chick. The guy's got the hot chick standing next to him and she's going, come on, come on. Think how much more apt you would be to make that next bid with the hot chick next to you. Lauren?

36:45 Drew I know what they're doing.

36:46 Adam Yeah. You're 17?

36:48 Caller Yes, I am.

36:49 Adam What's your question?

36:51 Caller All right. My question is, oh, by the way, you guys are awesome. I listen to you guys every night. Thanks. Anyway, my question is, when I have oral, I have no problem like getting it up, but when it comes to actually having like intercourse, in like five minutes, it's just gone.

37:13 Drew Five minutes. How long does it take? Can you have an orgasm during intercourse?

37:17 Caller No.

37:18 Drew You're not able to, no matter what. Even if you retain the erection, you still can't have an orgasm.

37:23 Caller Well, I've never actually, unless I'm like masturbating or oral, it won't stay up.

37:30 Drew It doesn't ever have. Does it take a long time for you?

37:34 Caller What do you mean?

37:35 Adam Well, Drew, he can't answer your question about how long.

37:38 Drew During the ways he can, does it take a while?

37:41 Caller Yeah, it takes a while.

37:43 Drew Are you on a medication?

37:44 Caller No.

37:46 Adam Wait a minute.

37:46 Drew Turn your radio down.

37:47 Adam Turn your radio down, screwball. Maybe part of the problem is his name is Lauren.

37:53 Drew I suddenly get the image of other guys that are listening with him kind of thing.

37:58 Adam Yeah.

37:58 Drew Did you get that?

37:59 Adam Yeah, it's a marginally bogus call, but it's worth probing a little bit. I mean, why not? I'm sure there are guys listening that might have this same problem. Lauren?

38:12 Caller Yeah.

38:13 Adam That's my sister's name, by the way.

38:15 Caller Yeah, there's a...

38:16 Caller I know quite a few girls.

38:24 Adam We got Junior, Junior Producer Lauren over here too, you know.

38:28 Caller Sweet.

38:29 Adam Yeah. All right. So anyway, you have the orgasm via oral sex and via masturbation, but not via intercourse. And then do you wear a condom when you have intercourse?

38:41 Caller I can't even... No, I don't. But I can't even like get one on before it goes limp.

38:47 Caller Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

38:49 Adam And...

38:50 Drew Has this been with a girlfriend? Some of you have known well?

38:53 Caller Yes, I've had my girlfriend for eight months, the whole time.

38:58 Adam Same person. Now, when you masturbate, what position are you in?

39:03 Caller Just laying down on my back.

39:04 Adam Now, hold on. Let me close my eyes. What are you wearing? Now, here's the whole thing. You have to play how you practice or practice how you play or however it works, meaning – okay, we've talked about this a bunch of times. Guys beat off on their back. They lie down on the bed. They do their thing and then whatever. And then they get with the chick and they're 180 degrees off. They're on top of the woman. Next thing you know, they're in sort of a push-up position. Well, if you think about beating off, a guy does not beat off in the push-up position. I am saying that you need to be a sort of a jack-off decathlete. You have to get so good that you can do it standing up in the shower.

39:45 Drew Change positions.

39:45 Adam You can do it while you're driving. Even a stick in my case. You can do it. Actually, I've done it. I've squeezed one off while being chased by a neighbor's dog. I'm that good. Wow. Yeah. Pants around the ankles. Running from a.

40:01 Drew I knew you're talented.

40:02 Adam Part Collie, part Rottweiler and actually got one off. When you can do that, then you will have a ninja like Johnson and be able to have sex at any time. Lauren.

40:14 Caller Okay.

40:15 Adam Here's your first move. See if you can beat off standing up. Do you think that'll be a challenge?

40:21 Caller I'll give it a shot.

40:23 Adam Give it a shot. Don't do it in the shower though. You could lose your footing. That's what happened to my twin brother. I don't normally talk about Kurt. Yeah. He was standing up. He got cocky. He was trying to squeeze one off in the shower. We didn't, I kept warning him about putting those non-skid daisies on the bottom of the tub, but he wouldn't listen. His foot caught a little porcelain paint there, went out, caught his head right on the back of a towel bar. And that's where we found him. Still clinging to his door. The other hand hanging on to laminated porn. Water's still running.

41:06 Drew Wow, that's why that invention never took off.

41:08 Adam The laminated porn.

41:09 Drew Yeah.

41:09 Caller Yeah, it had a stigma.

41:11 Drew Yeah.

41:11 Adam Yeah, my mom still hasn't gotten over it.

41:13 Drew Oh no, you couldn't possibly.

41:14 Adam Kid had everything going for him too. He's bound for Harvard. You know, he was a Corolla.

41:19 Drew Of course.

41:22 Adam Silver spoon. All right, we're gonna take a quick break and then we'll be right back. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Alrighty then. Yeah, what do I do with my nose?

41:51 Drew Hot towels?

41:52 Adam No. Here's my old thing, I won't do anything. I don't know why I asked.

41:56 Drew And you'll be fine.

41:57 Adam I'll be fine, right? In the meantime, I don't mind the Snoggy, been hawking up some Major League Oysters too. But I mean, here's the thing, I'm not a flemmy guy, so I don't have experience.

42:09 Drew Yeah.

42:09 Adam You know, I mean, like the guys that are pros.

42:11 Drew Yeah, they can really produce.

42:12 Adam Yeah, they're like, pow, it happens. I mean, it's like being good at anything. It's like having a, you know, it's like, oh, well, my dad owned a pro shop on the golf course, and I'd been playing since I was eight. You know, you see the guy's got the swing. He doesn't even have to practice that much. Me, I sound like I'm having an epileptic seizure. Like I saw my, yeah, then, yeah, then it's a spit and the thing clings to the lip. And it goes down my chin. And I have to sort of like peel it off. And it gets in the hairs and you know, it's a disaster.

42:52 Drew Horrible.

42:53 Adam What is that? How come I could never Louie as a kid?

42:56 Drew I don't know. I'm not really looked into.

42:58 Adam Did you produce for that?

42:59 Drew Really? No.

43:00 Adam I seem to go to school with guys who exclusively produced phlegm. I think my school was for phlegmy kids.

43:07 Drew There was a certain sort of bravado about that in the 60s.

43:12 Adam They were just Louie. It was a weapon. It was like a cobra that shot venom.

43:18 Drew You guys quickly graduated to the urine and the poo. You got past that Louie stuff.

43:23 Adam Sure. We matured. Jules? You're 23? What's up? Well, I'm going to try to motivate Jules here. Get her going now. Let's go. It's the halfway point of the show. We got to keep this train of roll. So let's break it down. Get a hand in now. Right, Jules? Yeah. Hell, it's not a chair. Get a hand in now. Break it down. Let's go. What's going on now, Jules? Let's go. Hey, Drew, don't time your clap with mine. You should have it on you. A little off. What do you say now? Break it down now. Let's go. Grab a knee. Let's break it down. What do you got to say?

44:12 Caller Well, anyways, I have had problems with my boyfriend. He extremely wants to have sex all the time.

44:20 Adam Horny bow, domestic difficulties. Let's go now.

44:24 Caller Yeah, but before he did it, until he started to try to do anal sex.

44:30 Adam Turned over a new brown leaf. Got himself a little wind in his sail. Nothing wrong with that. Let's go. Let's break it down.

44:38 Drew How long has this been going on?

44:39 Adam Get a hand in now. Grab a knee.

44:41 Drew How long has this been going on for?

44:42 Caller Oh, just about a couple of weeks since the last time I called you.

44:45 Drew Last time you called?

44:46 Caller Yeah, I'm the one that likes to have sex a lot.

44:51 Drew You what?

44:51 Adam Super horny, possibly abused.

44:54 Drew Definitely abused.

44:55 Adam Definitely abused, but on the anal train and going down the anal tracks. Let's go now. Let's break it down, Jules.

45:03 Caller Well, anyways, that's all he wants to do now. And it's like, okay.

45:08 Adam Hook them in anus. Can't get them off.

45:11 Caller Brown heroin, Texas tea.

45:14 Drew So this is what you wanted him to be doing and now he's doing what you don't want him to be doing.

45:17 Caller I wanted him to have fun having sex because I like having sex a lot.

45:22 Adam Rolled the anal dice and came up snake eyes. Let's go now.

45:27 Drew Came up.

45:28 Caller Anyway.

45:30 Drew Brown eye.

45:31 Adam No, craps.

45:33 Caller Craps.

45:34 Caller Anyways, it doesn't hurt or anything. It feels great.

45:36 Adam Rare correction from Drew. Big man did, but he's right.

45:40 Caller Get a hand in.

45:41 Adam Break it down now.

45:43 Caller Anyways, I wanted to be able to try something new with him and I've done it.

45:56 Drew What'd you want to try?

45:57 Caller Well, I don't know. I mean.

46:00 Drew Well, hey listen, he'll be good over this.

46:02 Adam Can't wean him off the anus without a plan B. He's on plan A right now.

46:06 Drew He's your plan B, Jules. You have all the control. You don't do anything.

46:10 Adam That's right.

46:10 Drew Until he does it, you're what you want. Get a hand in.

46:13 Adam Take a knee.

46:14 Drew Take a knee.

46:14 Adam Helmet's not a chair.

46:16 Drew But do take a seat.

46:19 Caller Break it down, Drew.

46:20 Drew Let's go now. Take a seat and then just keep, you're in control. Only do the things you want to do. And if he wants to do something else, you're not in at all.

46:28 Adam Satisfying with copious amounts of oral.

46:31 Caller We've done.

46:32 Adam Take the edge off.

46:33 Drew You what?

46:34 Caller We've done role playing.

46:38 Adam All right, you played the role of someone who won't give up anal. We gotta take a break. We gotta break it down.

46:44 Caller I gotta go number one.

46:45 Drew There's a lot more going on here than just the sex. There's something up with how you connect yourself in relationships. Maybe we should get into that a little bit with that.

46:51 Caller No. No.

46:53 Drew Just be assertive. Okay, let's just say that. Be assertive. You don't have to do anything. You don't have to keep going with this.

46:59 Adam You don't either, Drew.

47:00 Drew No, I'm not.

47:00 Adam All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

47:03 Here it is.

47:03 Caller Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

47:06 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

47:08 Call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE.

47:18 Caller So get your problems ready.

47:49 Adam Wow.

47:58 Caller I'll tell you, I call my right hand, I was like, I thought it was a fact.

48:02 Adam Dr. Drew, my name's from Tennessee. Now, I'll tell you, here's, let me tell you what I heard about Tennessee. I heard that, Sam, and I'm like, And so did I.

48:09 Drew And so did I.

48:10 Caller And so did I.

48:13 Adam Yeah.

48:14 Caller All right. We got to get my hands full.

48:16 Adam And I was speaking to Michelle over here.

48:19 Caller You're so going to lie to Andrew. She does it. Let me hear your introduction. Bob said, And all of a sudden, I was like, I suppose.

48:30 Adam Drew, when I was 18, I don't know about you, but I was like, I suppose.

48:34 Caller And also, I suppose.

48:38 Drew And then, Anderson, did you hear him at the intro? He was absorbed.

48:43 Caller Yeah. How you doing? What's up? What's up? I have a question, Loveline. Go right ahead, my boy.

49:02 Guest Does my grandma actually die from it?

49:06 Adam Stop it all over.

49:07 Guest Well, ever since I was little, my mom told me don't sleep with a bra on. So I was wondering if, I just assumed that it increased your chances of getting breast cancer.

49:18 Caller Well, hold on a second.

49:20 Adam Drew, his mom's mother was her grandmother, was a little breast cancer.

49:25 Caller She said, well, some level of the bra on, and I'm thinking, oh, stop it all over.

49:36 Guest Hello.

49:36 Caller Michelle? All right, so let's have a good doctor over here. I'm just a humble radio blogger. Drew, let me tell you something.

49:52 Adam I sit there every night with his mama.

49:54 Caller He sits here like a blah, blah, blah, blah, but as soon as I start all the blah, blah, blah, he's like, blah. And I'm like, hey, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, blah, blah, blah, blah.

50:06 Adam And I'm like, what are you doing? I'm like, stop it, hold it.

50:14 Caller Stop it. Hello, Michelle. I've got to apologize for my puns. I'm along. He said, come on.

50:28 Adam 722, it's 22 after seven with traffic.

50:34 Caller Weather, blah, blah. Drew, I tell you, I tried to make love to my wife the other day. You want to talk about it?

50:45 Drew You want to talk about it? You, you, you.

50:54 Caller You want to talk about how about the subway? How about the subway? How about the subway?

51:00 Adam 24, 25, 7. Michelle.

51:04 Caller Yes.

51:05 Caller Yeah, well, let's say, Drew, how about the subway?

51:07 Caller How about the subway?

51:10 Caller How about breast cancer?

51:15 Guest No, what I'm trying to say is that my grandmother had breast cancer, not me, but my mom actually has a spot that she found that was breast cancer, so I'm just trying to figure out if I have a chance of having breast cancer.

51:24 Drew What? Michelle. The wearing the bra at night will accomplish nothing. And how old was your grandmother when she had breast cancer?

51:46 Guest I believe she was 52.

51:48 Drew Okay, so she was relatively young.

51:53 Guest No.

51:54 Drew there are genetic tests you can get to see if you actually are at special risk of breast cancer. Newsweek misactivity No, yes, there are. If you really truly have what's called the BRC2A gene, BRC2 or BRC, I forget the names of the genes. You can be tested for these genes and they put you at risk for ovarian cancer and breast cancer. And sometimes the people would recommend a mastectomy taking the breast tissue out if you have these genes. But the fact is it doesn't necessarily mean you're at high risk. Wearing the bra will accomplish nothing. It's just important to get a regular breast exam, learn self-examination techniques and get regular mammograms.

52:46 Caller Speaking of self-examination, I was in the shower and I was breast-gabbing, my testicular cancer. I'm there with the doctor. Now I'm in there, you know, and I saw them and I'm like, I was in a loofah. And I'm there, and I hear them on the door.

53:10 Caller And I was on the mother-in-law.

53:12 Adam And she was there, I got there, look at that Mr. Bubble. I was on the towel bar, and she goes running down the stairs. She says to my wife, I'm changing my clothes in the bathroom, one hand and also some 31 31 after them.

53:43 Drew Did read recently that breast cancer, excuse me, lung cancer has surpassed breast cancer as leading cause of death. And I was like, what's wrong with them? I mean, they're all women, so something to keep in mind, those either smoking and even the smoking impact of smoking will last well beyond the decades after which you have stopped smoking. So if you smoke for a few years, that was a young person. But you're out of the woods, you won't be.

54:05 Caller All I'm saying is just because it doesn't mean how long I'm not upset.

54:14 Adam All right, let's go to somewhere else. Drew, you're such a, you're such a, you're a sucker for gibberish.

54:25 Drew Evidently. That and the rape descriptions, the rape crime. Well, it's rape.

54:32 Adam It's a violent crime.

54:33 Drew Violent crime. Your mom raised you with that notion, right? It's a violent crime.

54:38 Adam It's not a sexual crime.

54:40 Drew No, it's nothing sexual about it.

54:41 Adam It's an act of violence where you come at the end. But it is, do not mistake it for a sexual crime. It is a violent, violent crime.

54:52 Drew It's same as if you robbed a bank.

54:54 Adam But it'd come.

54:56 Caller It is not sexual though.

54:59 Adam No, it's a physical, violent assault where you come. It's no different than if you were just walking your dog down the sidewalk and I came up behind you with a bat and viciously started attacking you and then came.

55:22 Drew It's no different. That's right. Same thing.

55:25 Right.

55:26 Caller It is a crime.

55:27 Adam It's a violent, violent crime where you come. Manuel?

55:33 Yes.

55:34 Adam You're 25?

55:36 Caller Yes.

55:37 Adam Didn't we already talk to him? All right. You, you peed with a boner in the morning.

55:44 Caller Yeah.

55:45 Adam Now your orgasms don't feel as good.

55:48 Caller Yeah. That's exactly it. You know, I think like every guy, you know, I wake up in the morning with wood and you know, I had to go to the, to the restroom. And so I, you know, every morning this happens, but this morning I just couldn't hold it in. Right. So I just, I went and stood in the bathtub and kind of, you know, went.

56:09 Adam Here's a tip. You don't have to actually climb inside the tub. If you're confident enough.

56:14 Drew It conjures up quite, quite a sense of poignant image.

56:19 Adam You stay outside the tub. Learn this through trial and error.

56:22 Caller I would, yeah, well, I was really going. I mean, I was more straight up than straight out. So I wasn't really going to go forward.

56:33 Adam Okay.

56:36 Drew And gosh, but you sneeze.

56:37 Adam All right. So you're. When you have an erection, you're up like, like if it was a drawbridge, it would be half open.

56:46 Caller Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I go, I go, you know, almost all the way open.

56:54 Adam It's the belly. All right. So anyway, so you think you've done some damage in terms of sensitivity?

57:01 Caller I don't know. To me, it seems like it that it doesn't seem nearly as good. And I didn't really think that too much of it until recently. I, the two separate girls hadn't even thought that I'd gone, you know. And so I'm thinking that maybe I get so little actual movement and reaction down there during the actual, you know, dropping of the load.

57:29 Drew So you sort of you feel like you pulled a muscle down there or something.

57:32 Caller Yeah.

57:32 Drew There's something to that.

57:35 Adam The actual dropping of the load.

57:36 Drew Yeah, it's nice.

57:37 Adam The dropping of the load sounds like some sort of ceremony that has been passed down through generations of the ceremonial dropping of the load.

57:44 Drew Well, it sounds like a druid ritual.

57:48 Adam Yeah.

57:49 Drew Something at Stonehand or something.

57:51 Adam Yeah, something you might get some B-list celebrity to do in your town. Now, for the ceremonial dropping of the load, you know her as the Black chick from Star Trek. Then she would make some sort of announcement. What about it, Drew? There's nothing you can do.

58:10 Drew There's nothing you can do. It doesn't conjure in my mind anything specific. I bet it's just maybe an irritation or something in that area that you'll be able to go away. I can't imagine it's anything serious. You don't have to have anything done with it. If it continues to urologist.

58:26 Adam Julie? Julie? Yes.

58:33 Caller You're 20. I was raped when I was 13 and it didn't really affect me.

58:40 Adam Drew thinks that's funny by the way. I don't.

58:44 Drew Go ahead.

58:46 Caller And it's just like it seems to be troubling me now.

58:52 Adam How old was the family friend?

58:55 Caller He was 22.

58:57 Drew And it really sounds more like a rape, huh?

58:59 Adam She said rape.

59:00 Drew Oh, I'm sorry.

59:02 Adam Well, see, I told you, reading poisons your mind. That's what you get for reading.

59:06 Drew Were you molested at a younger age? No. You weren't victimized in any way prior to that? Was this a violent act or was it just sort of an exploitation where he kind of seduced you?

59:20 Caller No, it was pretty violent.

59:22 Adam Violent? And did you report him?

59:24 Caller What? No, because it was like my best friend's older brother's friend.

59:31 Adam Oh, I see.

59:32 Drew Somebody that close to your family. I mean, your best friend's older brother's friend's cousin's girlfriend.

59:37 Adam I don't know what your point was. So, you mean you knew him too well? Or you didn't know him well enough?

59:43 Caller I didn't really know him. That was the first time I met him.

59:47 Drew Wouldn't you want to report that?

59:51 Caller I don't know.

59:55 Drew But that means you're a victim, Julie. That means that you don't stand up for yourself. You can't I understand people can be confused and ashamed of themselves, but usually they'll register some defense on their own behalf.

1:00:06 Adam Did you have any kind of crush on him or anything before this?

1:00:11 Caller I didn't know him.

1:00:13 Drew Especially when this is an especially violent and scary event.

1:00:15 Adam The only reason I asked about the crush thing is if you can feel a little guilty if you're attracted to somebody and then they do this. You think somehow you willed it or you were participating in it or something like that. What do you mean? Where did this happen?

1:00:30 Caller It was at my friend's house.

1:00:33 Adam Where was your friend?

1:00:34 Caller She was in the other room because her parents were out of town and so they were having a party and I went over there.

1:00:43 Adam And did you scream for help?

1:00:46 Caller I tried but it was like too big.

1:00:49 Adam And he really violently tore your clothes off?

1:00:56 Caller Well, I like he hit me and stuff and you didn't report this? Well, I mean my parents didn't know that I was over there. Like her parents went out of town and I don't know.

1:01:09 Drew I see the whole situation you were hiding. Oh my goodness.

1:01:12 Adam This guy is an animal. This is a 22 year old guy hitting a 13 year old and raping her?

1:01:18 Drew Oh my god. Of course it's bad. This is something that needs to be treated. It would be bizarre if you didn't have emotional consequences from something like that. And I would bet there was more things going on that you, not that you put yourself in a situation so much as the things that were coming to bear at that time you couldn't be honest with your parents and you couldn't speak up for yourself when you were the victim of a violent, this was truly a violent, this was sort of, we've been kidding about this but here it is. Even with the you know, the sexual part of it, it was a violent crime in her case.

1:01:53 Adam Yeah. Alright so Julie we gotta get some therapy.

1:01:56 Drew Yeah let's get some treatment. You in college now? Yes. Alright go to the mental health services at the college. Are you having panic attacks or nightmares or flashbacks or something? Well it's not that he can really do other than get you to the therapist. So go to the mental health services at the school. Listen, one of the real frustrating challenges of dealing with college age kids is that they go to institutions. How dare you? But socks the mic every night. Don't you know where your hand is? This is a huge instrument in front of you. How could you hit it with your coffee?

1:02:32 Adam Drew's reacting to me reacting to punching the mic on a nightly basis. But you got to understand you do it every night. I do it once every six years.

1:02:42 Drew Yes, that's true. But be that as it may, that was Julie. One of the frustrating things about dealing with college age kids is they go to institutions where are these very well developed elaborate health care systems and mental health care systems especially designed for free for them, for for their age specifically and they just don't go.

1:03:02 Adam Wait a minute, but I smell junior college. Julie? You going to junior college?

1:03:08 Drew Fresno State.

1:03:09 Adam Four year?

1:03:11 Drew Yes.

1:03:11 Adam I got a lot of friends who have turned junior college into a nine year program. But you're going to regular you're going to Fresno State?

1:03:18 Drew Yes.

1:03:20 Adam So avail yourself of all they have.

1:03:23 Drew Use the services, alright?

1:03:25 Adam Take care of yourself.

1:03:26 Drew It's a highly treatable thing.

1:03:28 Adam And by the way, you're not going to walk in and talk about this with somebody and have them look at your cross-eyed. This is probably 80% of the stuff that comes in there with young women in college age is talking about this kind of stuff. They probably have groups and counseling in the whole nine yards just specifically for being rape victims or survivors. Are you ready to roll?

1:03:52 Drew Here we go.

1:03:53 Adam Let's talk to April who's talking.

1:03:56 Guest Hi Adam. You're my god.

1:03:58 Adam Thank you.

1:04:04 Guest My question for you guys is, if I normally get strapped through it probably about four times a year.

1:04:11 Caller Whoa, whoa, whoa.

1:04:13 Drew How is that documented?

1:04:16 Guest For the past probably four or five years ever since eighth grade, I seem to get it about four times a year.

1:04:21 Drew How is it documented that it's in fact strapped?

1:04:25 Guest I go to the doctor.

1:04:27 Drew And they do a strap test? They do a culture or a strap test on you?

1:04:30 Guest Yeah, they do.

1:04:32 Drew And each time it comes up strapped?

1:04:34 Guest Yep.

1:04:35 Drew That does not make sense. Why would one person, a recurrent strap? Do you have large tonsils?

1:04:44 Guest I don't think so. They haven't ever said anything. I don't see them.

1:04:48 Drew I mean, the only thing I could think of that would be putting a risk of recurrent bacterial infections would be tonsils that need to come out. And there's a sort of rule of thumb, if you have more than four infections a year, they come out.

1:05:00 Adam Oh, really?

1:05:01 Drew So that would be one sort of...

1:05:02 Guest They had said something about that, about if I keep getting it, they want to take it out.

1:05:07 Drew Alright, so that's you need to do that.

1:05:09 Adam Yeah. Drew, do you have your tonsils?

1:05:12 Guest Whenever I deep throat, I end up getting it.

1:05:15 Adam Do you do that at the doctor's office?

1:05:18 Guest Yeah, Adam.

1:05:20 Caller My doctor and I have a personal relationship like that.

1:05:22 Adam Well, Drew has a policy when they can't pony up the deductible for the medical insurance. I mean, things run differently. Alright, whatever. Alright, so you deep, pretty snobby for someone who does a lot of deep throating. Usually they're more laid back breed. You have a boyfriend?

1:05:40 Caller I don't.

1:05:41 Adam You don't? But you still manage to do a fair bit of deep throating.

1:05:46 Caller Well, sometimes.

1:05:48 Adam I like that. I don't like the deep throating because to me it's like, I don't want the, I don't want my bait to be gobbled up by the fish. You know, that way. It makes me feel like a worm in the, you know, in a big mouth bass.

1:06:02 Caller You feel small?

1:06:03 Adam Yeah, well, I'd like a little gagging. And a little, like, this is what I'd like. I'd like just like a little like, oh my god. Or, oh, I can barely get my hand around it twice. Or, you know, something like that. Like, I don't like that.

1:06:14 Caller We'll work on that when you and I get together.

1:06:15 Adam Yeah. Here's what I'd like you to do. First off, no talking when you're doing it because that's a bad sign too. Like, you're going like, oh, yeah, baby, that feels good. And they're like, yeah, hey, thanks. You shouldn't be able to form sentences with my penis in your mouth. And then, number two, I want you, I want some, like, you don't have to say like, oh, it's so big. I want some like, oh, like, you know, when you first see it, you know, you go, oh, you know what I mean? You want to try that, April?

1:06:48 Drew But then you'd go, no.

1:06:49 Adam I'll try that, Adam. No, I, I, I, you know.

1:06:52 Drew You'd go with it?

1:06:53 Adam Eh, you know, look, here's what I'm saying.

1:06:55 Drew You'd feel, you'd feel disingenuous.

1:06:56 Adam You've gotten bad haircuts, right? But then people have come up and BS'd you a little. No, you look good. You look good. You believe them, right?

1:07:04 Drew Yeah.

1:07:04 Adam You know it's a bad haircut.

1:07:05 Drew But I can't see the haircut.

1:07:07 Adam But you think they like it.

1:07:08 Drew I can't see the haircut.

1:07:09 Adam You got a mirror, don't you, Goofball?

1:07:11 Drew Yeah, but you're not like, huh?

1:07:15 Adam You see them looking at you with your bad haircut, you still believe it. St. April could do that for me. And then, you know, like you said, when you try the deep throw, don't be able to pull it off.

1:07:27 Guest I should pretend to gag then?

1:07:30 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

1:07:32 Drew If this is stirring up that area, you shouldn't be doing that.

1:07:35 Adam What about the guy getting the strap?

1:07:36 Guest Can't carry streptilococci then?

1:07:38 Drew Uh.

1:07:41 Adam What about it, Drew?

1:07:44 Drew It doesn't make sense that you'd be with different guys and still getting recurrent strep. You know, it just doesn't fit. You can get chlamydia and gonorrhea of the throat, and that's one of the more commonly increasing categories of STIs right now. So, maybe some of it was that. But the whole thing is suspect about it being strep. But if you were getting bacterial infections of the throat recurrently, the tonsils, they need to come out. They need to take care of that.

1:08:04 Adam Some people generically use strep throat when they have a very bad sore throat.

1:08:09 Drew Yes, and that is wrong.

1:08:10 Adam It is wrong.

1:08:11 Drew It is a totally different thing. Yes.

1:08:12 Adam But if you get reoccurring bad sore throats, don't you have to get your tonsils out?

1:08:16 Drew Not necessarily.

1:08:17 Adam No.

1:08:18 Drew No.

1:08:19 Adam So, if I was getting reoccurring bad sore throats.

1:08:23 Drew We'd have to figure that out. Whether he's ulcerating, whether they're viral, whether it's something related to your nose, your post-nasal drip, or what was going on.

1:08:29 Adam But it wouldn't be let's just take the tonsils out.

1:08:31 Drew No, not necessarily at all.

1:08:33 Adam I sleep with my mouth wide open.

1:08:35 Drew You need all kinds of things fixed up back there.

1:08:37 Adam Wide open.

1:08:38 Drew That must be disgusting.

1:08:41 Adam What I look like is a dead retarded person when I sleep. I imagine that's what they would look like. Wide open. Half a pillow shoved in my mouth.

1:08:53 Drew How does your wife sleep in this horrible room with you?

1:08:56 Adam Horrible cotton mouth.

1:08:58 Drew What is that?

1:08:59 Adam Just tongue cleaving to the roof of my mouth.

1:09:02 Drew Just get up and You get that thing now where it gets so dry in the back of your throat. It's like you have to cough and it feels horrible.

1:09:09 Adam If something makes contact with it, it will spot well to it. So then what I usually do is I go to bed about 2.15, 2.30, somewhere about 6.45 I lie there and I think, hmm now what's making me more uncomfortable? My intense need to urinate or my bone-dried desert-like sand ash tray of a mouth? And I lie there and I think, man and then I think, you know one way I could cure this whole thing and not get up? Pee in my mouth. Oh yes. And then I think you know, Drew did say urine was sterile.

1:09:47 Drew Sterile.

1:09:48 Adam And then I think okay, I just got and then I picture Drew holding a big thumb, holding a tumbler of frothy urine and a thumbs up right next to it. And that's when I begin.

1:10:00 Drew Nice.

1:10:00 Adam That's when I start. How'd it work?

1:10:03 Drew Are you going to try that tonight? I was. Yeah, it's good.

1:10:05 Adam Well, I'm here. I like when people give that answer. I'm here. Alright buddy. Let's take a little break.

1:10:12 Drew Yeah, that'll be good.

1:10:13 Adam When we get back, we're going to speak to Elizabeth. She's a virgin. Wants to start having sex with a friend. Can she get boyfriends?

1:10:22 Drew Birth control.

1:10:23 Adam Birth control?

1:10:23 Drew Secretly.

1:10:24 Adam Oh, okay buddy. See, I can read three or four words but then I run out of steam.

1:10:28 Drew Yeah, I noticed that.

1:10:30 Adam Bush had that prom yesterday. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:10:36 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

1:10:55 Adam Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. All right, Drew.

1:11:00 Drew Let's go, come on. Let's get some calls done here.

1:11:02 Adam You ready to go?

1:11:03 Drew Show us about the calls.

1:11:04 Adam Let's get a hand in. Let's go now. Let's go, break it down. Hey, that helmet's not a chair, gentlemen.

1:11:11 Drew Come on, son, let's go.

1:11:12 Adam I call you gentlemen. I use that term loosely. Come on, ladies, get a hand in, ladies. Let's go. Let's break it down.

1:11:22 Caller Yeah, Elizabeth.

1:11:24 Adam 16, let's go. Let's get a hand in now. Grab a knee.

1:11:29 Caller Hey, my friend and I want to start having sex and we're both 16 and we're both virgins.

1:11:35 Drew A male friend? And he's not a boyfriend.

1:11:39 Adam Disappointed, not a lesbian. Still willing to continue the call, but barely can go on. Let's go now.

1:11:48 Drew This is your boyfriend?

1:11:50 Caller No, not officially.

1:11:51 Caller We've been like best friends for like three years.

1:11:55 Drew Yeah, do you want to, well, you wish that he was your boyfriend?

1:11:59 Caller No.

1:11:59 Drew This will put you guys wrong. Yeah, does he not want to be your boyfriend?

1:12:05 Caller It's not like that.

1:12:06 Guest He would be if I wanted him to be.

1:12:08 Drew And why don't you want him to be?

1:12:09 Caller I don't know.

1:12:11 Caller It's sort of like secret.

1:12:14 Adam It's sort of secret?

1:12:15 Caller Yeah.

1:12:16 Drew The relationship is secret? Why? Why would that be?

1:12:21 Caller I don't know.

1:12:22 Drew Why do you keep it a secret?

1:12:23 Caller All right.

1:12:25 Drew Listen, if you can't answer basic questions about who this guy is, why your relationship with him, what you like about him, what you intend to do with the relationship, you should not be having sex with him.

1:12:33 Adam Or be calling the show for that matter. But look, 99% of the time when a woman says, oh, I'm hot for a guy, I want to have sex with him, I've known him for a while, I've been wanting to do this for a while, and we don't want to have a relationship, it's just because he doesn't want to have a relationship.

1:12:49 Drew Right, or she's afraid to ask because she knows what the answer will be.

1:12:52 Adam He's made it clear enough and she doesn't want to, she wants to save a little face.

1:12:55 Drew But this sounds even more clandestine, like he's maybe sort of a bad guy or something, she has to keep it secret that she's even involved with the guy.

1:13:00 Adam Yeah, so here, I'm going to give you three options, Elizabeth. One is, you do want a relationship with him, you're just not willing to admit it to either us or yourself. Two, you're wildly effed up and have trouble with intimacy, so you just can't handle that. Or three, all of the above.

1:13:18 Drew Or three, this is a clandestine relationship with a guy that you're embarrassed to tell other people about.

1:13:23 Caller No, no. I guess it would be more like one.

1:13:27 Caller I just don't want to screw things up, you know?

1:13:29 Drew All right, well, having sex with him is going to screw you up, not screw things up. Because you're going to be even more involved with this guy that you know doesn't want to be your boyfriend.

1:13:38 Adam He's going to be using you.

1:13:39 Drew Yeah, don't do this.

1:13:41 Adam And listen, look, ladies, please listen to this. Whenever you have a discussion with a guy about having sex, it means he doesn't care that much about you.

1:13:52 Drew Right.

1:13:54 Adam Because here's how it goes. If there's some chick that you're really into, you want to have, well, first off, guys want to have sex with everybody, okay? So if there's some chick that's really hot and you're really into her and you size her up and you're like, wow, I'd be lucky to be going out with this chick. You don't start talking to her about, hey, how about you give me a little handy action or something. No, it's like, uh.

1:14:15 Drew Like your best behavior.

1:14:17 Adam Yeah, I got some tickets to the symphony this weekend, you know, we're gonna, you know, you try to impress her, you try, now, it's all leading, it's a long road to sex, but it's all leading to that. Now, when you meet, and Drew, if Drew's honest, he'll answer yes to this question. We've all met chicks before that we've sort of sized up and thought, yeah, not girlfriend material. I am a little horny. I wouldn't mind hooking up with her for whatever reason.

1:14:40 Drew Women do that too.

1:14:41 Adam Yeah, for whatever reason. I don't see this thing going long term, but hey, I got a boner and what am I going to do? And that's when you just start talking. Hey, how about you give me something.

1:14:51 Drew But this even sounds worse than that. This is a guy leaning her to believe it's such a good friend. He's like, hey, come on, come on, we're buddies.

1:14:57 Adam We got to keep it, we got to keep it on the QT.

1:14:59 Drew You're so cool, we hang out together. That's just ridiculous. Come on, guys don't ask.

1:15:04 Adam Now, it is what we originally asserted five minutes ago. No, which is you do like him, you don't want to admit it. And you're pretending like you don't because you know what the answer is. You're going to get yourself in deeper and more enmeshed and it's you're going to fall that much harder.

1:15:20 Drew And he is going to rather than become more involved, less involved. Once he has sex, that's that's it. And that's that.

1:15:27 Adam Right. All right. So we're telling you what to do. Can you listen? And I think there's a part of you that understands the truth. Let's hope it's the vagina. All right, Elizabeth, you find a nice guy who worship you. Like engineer Chris over here. You know, living at home, 27, making 10 bucks.

1:15:50 Drew Takes care of his mom.

1:15:51 Adam Ten bucks an hour. And that's, you know, that's before taxes. After he's down, he's down to whatever minimum wage was in 1981. So I've got $2.35 an hour. No girlfriend. Yes, Chris? Nothing. Shocking.

1:16:07 Caller Absolutely shocking.

1:16:08 Drew Devastating.

1:16:08 Adam But the point is, is you need a guy who will worship you.

1:16:12 Drew She lives in Riverside, Chris.

1:16:14 Adam Wow. Chris, no, he wouldn't be scared to touch you. He'd just be, you know, you just stand there when he put coats of carnauba wax on you while you just stood there. Be like you're at the car wash. He'd give you the scent, just wax you down. By the way, who decided we needed the scent in the car? Who decided that this was like a huge selling point at the car wash? Like the guy's always like, what do you want?

1:16:37 Drew Cinnamon, you want the new car smell?

1:16:39 Adam Yeah, you want the Pine Mountain? You want the Musk? You want the Jovan leather?

1:16:45 Drew They're always like a little bit offended when you, no, no, no, no.

1:16:47 Adam I'm always like, hello, am I driving a van with custom seats and raised white lettering on the tires? Do I look like I've just come from the Home Depot? Like, what's up? Yeah, I don't want to. I don't know. And there's nothing worse than that. You know what the worst one is? The vanilla. When I smell scent in a car, here's what I think. Somebody puked in this car recently and they're trying to cover it up.

1:17:16 Caller Something happened or some spill.

1:17:17 Adam Somebody stabbed a hooker, something bong was toppled. Something nefarious went on in this car. And what are they trying to cover up?

1:17:26 Drew Absolutely.

1:17:27 Adam That's why I smell some of the car, it's like that skin colored zit cream. You see the big beige divot on the kid's forehead. And you go, I wonder what's brewing under there. You know what you should smell in a car? It's about leather and a little gas that gets stuck up in the headliner.

1:17:49 Drew Flatulence gas.

1:17:51 Caller Yeah.

1:17:52 Drew Not gasoline.

1:17:54 Adam You're 20?

1:17:56 Caller Yes.

1:17:56 Adam What's up?

1:17:58 Caller I went to the doctor recently and he said he found a small lump in my breast, but that it was soft so I shouldn't worry about it. But I'm worrying about it.

1:18:09 Drew Well, why go to the doctor if you're not going to take their impression?

1:18:14 Caller Well, he doesn't really explain it very well.

1:18:18 Drew It's a cyst, you don't need to worry about it. That's it, period. There are those that- What if it's hard? Well, that's why doctors examine breasts. They're ones that you need to worry about, they're the ones you don't need to worry about. You can feel the difference. Really? This is clearly a cyst and you don't need to worry about it.

1:18:33 Adam What do the hard ones feel like?

1:18:35 Drew Different. They're just different. They're a different location. Wow, they're really, really painted. But you've said it yourself, it's hard. How is a rock different than a handball?

1:18:47 Adam Go ahead, keep going.

1:18:48 Drew I'm just saying that-

1:18:49 Adam One of them feels like a rock, the other feels like a handball.

1:18:52 Drew I'm saying that's the difference.

1:18:55 Adam Nicole's gone. I'm here, thanks. All right, take care, baby doll.

1:18:59 Drew It's normal to have cysts, that's normal.

1:19:01 Adam Yeah, women have cysts. Yes, Drew?

1:19:03 Drew Yes.

1:19:04 Adam Some are more prone to cysts than others?

1:19:06 Drew Absolutely.

1:19:07 Adam Bigger boobs, more cysts?

1:19:09 Drew Not necessarily.

1:19:11 Adam Stephanie?

1:19:12 Caller Yeah.

1:19:13 Adam You're 20? You want to get a genital piercing?

1:19:17 Caller I've been thinking about it for a long time, and I was wondering what Dr. Drew's take on it.

1:19:23 Drew Well, it means something, the fact that you're obsessing about doing that.

1:19:26 Caller I'm not like obsessed with it. I've just thought that it might be something I would like to do.

1:19:30 Adam What kind of genital piercing?

1:19:32 Caller It's called a vertical hood piercing.

1:19:36 Drew That means something happened to you, Stephanie, that you have that impulse to do that. It usually comes from some unfinished business.

1:19:45 Caller Not that I know of.

1:19:47 Adam It hurts my teeth when I bang them against the vertical hood.

1:19:50 Caller I don't know. I just heard about it. I watched a TV show and it had all kinds of piercings and tattoos. I saw it on there and I did some research on the Internet.

1:19:59 Adam Hold on. Let me say something. This is the direction porn is going and it breaks my heart.

1:20:04 Drew Piercing?

1:20:05 Adam The piercing, the tats, weird long saliva trails on the guy's junk. I don't know who decided. Somebody decided like six years ago that porn had to start turning evil. Like, hey, a chick's going to take a whiz on the other chick. Yeah, no, the chick with, yeah, the chick with the dragon tat that goes up her ass and the barbell hanging from her wound there. Yeah, she's going to take a whiz on the other chick while she then goes down on this dude and leaves the long saliva trail between her mouth. It's like, look, I'm here to beat off, not throw up. You know what I mean? I'm a mature male who wants to open a magazine and beat off over the sink with the door closed, my foot in a slipper stuffed into it, like an adult, and with some dignity. And I don't know where all this is going. The super edgy sort of hardcore, it's like aggressive.

1:21:07 Drew You remember who the people are that you're looking at are people that have been abused severely.

1:21:11 Adam I know.

1:21:12 Drew So their impulse is to do these things, probably because maybe they find that arousing.

1:21:15 Adam Yeah, but I want that, I want it to look like this chick just got talked into porn, like somebody hit her with an ether rag, dragged her in, and forced her into porn. You know what I'm saying? I'm old fashioned that way. I don't like all the super edgy aggressive piercings and tats and stuff. Stephanie, you have any tats? What are they?

1:21:38 Caller I have a butterfly on the floor on my back and I have a little star on top of my foot.

1:21:45 Adam And I know that's for you because God forbid a woman do anything for a man. But what is that? You think that attracts guys or they're into it or it lets them know something about you or how does that work?

1:21:59 Caller I wouldn't do it for anybody else. I've heard that it heightens their sensitivity.

1:22:05 Drew No, no, no. He's asking the tattoo.

1:22:06 Adam That's all right. The actual one.

1:22:08 Caller No, no, not the tattoos. No.

1:22:11 Adam All right. And are you willing, by the way, to let a stranger, by the way, probably on a methadone maintenance program and wearing like one of those ankle homing devices so his parole officer knows where he is, you're going to just spread your legs and let him go at your hood?

1:22:32 Caller I know.

1:22:35 Adam That just sounds like, you know, here's my old thing. If you're a sane, like, you know, 19 year old girl, the idea of, you know, stepping into some storefront with some foil on the window out off of Venice and Culver and hopping in something and have some guy that, you know, some guy just basically looks like sort of a cross between like a punk bike or something. He's clearly had substance abuse problems with his shaky hand go to your vagina.

1:23:04 Drew With, by the way, I mean, just again, the medical community is so controlled and licensed to be able to pierce your skin with a needle or anything else. I mean, I mean, and this is completely unmonitored, uncontrolled.

1:23:19 Adam Here's what we're going to do for pain. He's, well, he's just disclosed the polishing off a big gulp. Why don't you just hold that against your coos for a few minutes and call him when it's numb. He's going to be taking a number two back in the bathroom that, by the way, doesn't have a door, just a curtain.

1:23:36 Drew Yeah.

1:23:37 Adam I don't go to any business that has curtains inside.

1:23:39 Drew Do you want to ask me what happened?

1:23:40 Adam That's a bad sign, Drew.

1:23:41 Drew I'll figure out what happened.

1:23:41 Adam Beads or curtains. I need walls and doors and not just hollow core masonite doors. No, solid core, inch and three quarter exterior variety. You know what I'm saying, Drew?

1:23:52 Drew I'm with you.

1:23:54 Adam You don't know anything.

1:23:54 Drew Fire doors.

1:23:57 Adam Stephanie?

1:23:58 Caller Uh-huh.

1:24:00 Adam We would say don't do it.

1:24:02 Drew Plus, you can lose sensitivity. Which, we have had people call and complain that they can't work out.

1:24:07 Caller Yeah, I've heard that too.

1:24:08 Drew That's a common... Why would you choose to put something through an exquisitely sensitive body part?

1:24:15 Adam Just going through the hood.

1:24:16 Drew What would the goal be?

1:24:16 Adam Just going through the hood.

1:24:18 Caller I've heard that I can heighten your sensitivity.

1:24:20 Drew Until it damages it, until you lose it. So what would the goal be?

1:24:24 Adam And by the way, whatever you're into just becomes whatever it is after a few months.

1:24:29 Drew Yeah.

1:24:30 Adam You know what I mean?

1:24:31 Drew Yeah. That's just your baseline.

1:24:33 Adam But this is... It's whatever your sensitivity level is, is whatever it is. It feels good the first time. I mean, it's like, look, it's like saying, if I get circumcised or I get clipped down there or something, well, then there'll be no masturbating for two weeks. All right. So for me, that's like hundred and twenty...

1:24:55 Drew In all the years?

1:24:56 Adam Yeah. No, I'm just saying the first one's going to be huge. The second one might be a decent one too. But by the time I get to the fifth later on that evening, I'm back to where I was. Right.

1:25:07 Drew Right.

1:25:07 Adam It's just, it's just all relative.

1:25:09 Drew But something happens, Stephanie. We're not going to talk about it?

1:25:11 Adam No.

1:25:11 Drew No.

1:25:12 Adam It gets depressing. All right. When we come back...

1:25:16 Drew Let's just take a break. Let's see what new calls we get.

1:25:19 Adam How about the stepmom blames her for dad almost dying? You know, it's not going to have any payoff. Sarah?

1:25:26 Guest Yeah?

1:25:27 Adam Why does she blame you? What did you do?

1:25:31 Guest She just doesn't like me and my two sisters at all because we're not her kids.

1:25:38 Drew And what's not to like about Sarah?

1:25:41 Adam She sounds like a delight.

1:25:41 Drew Yeah.

1:25:44 Adam Probably just back from finishing school.

1:25:49 Drew Probably just back from finishing school.

1:25:54 Adam I just saw Mona Lisa smile on the flight over here today. I immediately thought of Sarah when I... She reminded me of those women in the film. We found out what? It's her, not her mom, but it's her stepmom. And then she just doesn't like her. Let's try it one more time. Sarah. Why does she blame you for your father almost dying?

1:26:16 Guest We we want my dad used to participate in like bike races and like right before the race started, I got lost. I was like six. And. And then he was he was already at the starting line when they found when they found me and in my something like during the race, something went wrong with my dad's tire. And so he reached down and he got flipped over his handlebars and he almost died. He was in the hospital for like two, three weeks. And like on the on the way, my stepmom was driving me to the hospital. She said it was my fault because I got lost.

1:27:00 Adam Well, it is kind of your fault that his tire blew out. Well, I mean, just simple logic would dictate that when a six year old gets lost somewhere around the starting line. All right. First off, yes, there is a pain in the ass.

1:27:17 Drew But secondly, she doesn't have the clarity of thought that I'd like to wish for her.

1:27:23 Adam I smell junior college. Sarah? Junior college?

1:27:27 Drew Yeah.

1:27:29 Adam Shocking. I am I'm flabbergasted. Junior college, Drew. Am I ever wrong?

1:27:36 Drew Never.

1:27:37 Adam Except for earlier tonight. We're going to talk to Sarah. Take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:27:43 Caller Thank you for calling Loveline. Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting. 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:28:11 Adam And we move forward with the show, Drew, yes?

1:28:14 Drew Yes, well, we're sort of moving forward. We're gonna go back to Sarah and move forward.

1:28:19 Adam Yes, now Sarah's 20, doesn't get along with her stepmom.

1:28:22 Drew Junior college.

1:28:24 Adam Maybe junior, junior college. Is there a one-year college that's like an annex of a junior college?

1:28:33 Drew Junior, junior, junior, junior.

1:28:34 Adam Some trailer.

1:28:35 Drew Junior, junior college, trailer college.

1:28:38 Adam The trailer that's up on peer blocks, like out in the parking lot of the junior college. Sarah. Yeah. All right.

1:28:46 Drew So you were six years old.

1:28:48 Adam Well, look, I didn't want to get into this anymore. I don't like your stepmom, but I understand why she doesn't like you as well. So here's the thing. Here's the deal. Are you living at home? Well, then there's really, really nothing to worry about with your stepmom.

1:29:05 Guest Well, no, it's just like whenever I call my dad's house, he wants me to acknowledge her, and I don't acknowledge her at all. And I don't think I deserve, I don't think I have to do that.

1:29:15 Drew And you harken it all back? It's all that is, is hard feelings you have about her yelling at you about something kind of goofy when you were six years old?

1:29:26 Guest Well, she used to kick me and my sister's ass. And then before we left for the weekend to go back to my mom's house, we would have to kiss her.

1:29:39 Adam With your tongue?

1:29:41 Guest No.

1:29:41 Drew Do you have a lot of piercing, Sarah?

1:29:44 Guest I don't know.

1:29:46 Adam All right, Sarah, I'm sorry you have an evil stepmother. I do believe she's a bad person.

1:29:53 Drew I understand you don't want to acknowledge her. That's fine.

1:29:55 Adam And you can not acknowledge her. And if your dad can't respect or acknowledge that, then you may have to cut him off for a little bit too.

1:30:03 Guest But here's what you need. I already cut him off for like two years. I didn't talk to him and my sisters did the same thing.

1:30:09 Drew How'd that go? Would that work okay for you?

1:30:12 Guest Not really.

1:30:13 Adam All right. Well, now let's talk about you now. A, let's turn down the goddamn radio. B, what is going on? You're going to junior college. That's a disaster.

1:30:23 Guest What else? Actually, it's not. It's going really good.

1:30:26 Drew How do you pay for that?

1:30:28 Guest Financial aid and grants.

1:30:31 Drew And you pay for your living that way too? I mean, your living arrangements?

1:30:34 Guest Actually, I work full time too.

1:30:36 Drew What kind of work do you do?

1:30:38 Guest Right now, I'm a floor technician.

1:30:41 Drew Right now?

1:30:42 Adam Floor technician?

1:30:44 Guest Yeah.

1:30:45 Adam What does that mean? It means you're running a waxer, right? You're buffing floors? Really? Really? Are you using one of those buffers? Not interesting to you that I knew the equipment that you were using?

1:31:03 Guest Kind of.

1:31:03 Adam All right, so you're using one of those circular buffers, like in commercial buildings?

1:31:09 Guest Yeah.

1:31:10 Drew Well, sometimes they're big old, like little machines that-

1:31:13 Adam And you're, are you working at night?

1:31:15 Guest Yeah, actually, I'm at work right now.

1:31:22 Adam Never, doesn't bother anybody that I know when they work and what equipment they use.

1:31:27 Drew What's what they do? How dare you? Of course.

1:31:30 Adam Yes, because they think I'm like a kazoo.

1:31:32 Drew No, no.

1:31:32 Adam And I'm on their shoulders.

1:31:33 Drew Right, they think everybody knows what they do. Because it's what they do.

1:31:38 Adam Right.

1:31:38 Drew So therefore you should know.

1:31:40 Adam Right. Right.

1:31:46 Drew But this grandiose, what happens when you've been physically abused? You gotta be, as I've said before, you've asked me to bring up my patients that have been sexually or physically abused feel like a piece of ass around which the whole world revolves.

1:31:59 Adam Right.

1:32:00 Drew And that's what you're dealing with.

1:32:01 Adam Okay, Sarah. Everybody, let me just take a moment and give you some words to live by. You owe nothing to your parents if they weren't good parents. You owe everything to them if they were great parents. And then it's whatever's in between. I mean, quite honestly, if your parents were a four and a half or a five on the parenting scale, and you gotta be honest, you gotta stand back and look at it, then you can be a four or a five on the child.

1:32:29 Drew It can be your assessment of it too.

1:32:31 Adam It can be.

1:32:31 Drew Not what they tell you they were.

1:32:33 Adam No, my listen, my parents know that by their own admission, they were like, three, three and a quarter. Now I give them about a two and a half.

1:32:41 Drew We'll pay back.

1:32:42 Adam Everyone's happy. I got a little interest for all the therapy I'm going through. And there you go. If your stepmom was a one or a minus one, then that's what she gets. Your dad was a three, you give her a three. That's what he has. He doesn't have a daughter, he has a three. It's about a third of a daughter. Fine. Work hard, get your crap together and punish them by being successful. Not by getting high and having to move back in in the garage.

1:33:06 Drew Good times.

1:33:07 Adam All right, we'll be back after this.

1:33:09 Caller Alright guys, here's the deal. You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:33:14 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:33:16 Caller Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE.

1:33:19 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:33:43 Adam Well, that's the show everybody. Just a hot, the loogie in the drinking fountain, Drew, and then I couldn't get it to move. Couldn't get it to go down the thing, you know, and I kept spitting cold water at it. It was, but here's the thing. The bottom part of it had attached itself to the, to the stainless steel bottom of the drinking fountain. And then the other part was just flapping around like a kelp, like a kelp bed, you know, and I kept running the water, I kept spitting at it. And it's like, you ever do that though? Like there's like a booger in the sink or something. And you're like, you know, throwing water at it. It's like, it's spot welded to the goddamn sink. And you're thinking, really? What, what'd I do? Did I glue it on there and then press my thumb into it? Or I just shoot a Snuggie into the sink? Like it's clinging to it. Like it's, it's light. What is that?

1:34:34 Drew It's bad times, but that is, all right.

1:34:38 Adam So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:43 Drew How much pack in a fudge pack pack?

1:34:44 Adam If a fudge pack could pack fudge.

1:34:50 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Wednesday, April 14, 2004