Episode 1000604955835

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:00 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:08 Adam We shan't have a good show.

1:10 Drew All right, well, at least we've declared it. It shall be shown.

1:12 Adam Goddamn, headphones turned all the way. Who does that? What kind of maniac comes into someone's studio and turns the headphones all the way? What? Are your headphones turned up all the time?

1:23 Drew Not all the time. But tonight they were.

1:25 Adam What is that? What about some proper canned decorum? You turn the goddamn stuff down.

1:30 Drew It's weird, isn't it?

1:31 Adam By the way, let it be a little lower and a little higher.

1:33 Drew It really does remind me of the guy that parks the car coming back with a seat.

1:41 Adam I'm a maniac with this stuff. I'm a maniac. Hey, it's Loveline. I'm an acrobat Dr. Drew Foner, 1-800-LOVE-191. Now, let's get to the parking stuff. It's one of these things, Drew. This is one of those things like a program director would say, don't talk about this. It's like when I complain about the service in the first class cab. Oh, no, don't talk about that. Pretend like you don't fly first class. You don't want to offend the kid. Screw the kids. Let me tell you something. Here's the situation. Brought it up a few times. I know it sounds like nothing. I just sound like a prima donna prick. But Drew, you will back me up 100 percent. We're both over six foot tall. There's not a person who parks a car in the city of Los Angeles. That's over five five.

2:27 Drew Right.

2:28 Adam It's a state mandated. It's a mandate. Did you know that?

2:32 Drew They have some sort of law.

2:34 Adam No, they have no. Okay. You know, when you go to Disneyland and they got that, you know, Mickey Mouse is holding his arm out. If the kid doesn't get to that height, he can't get on the crosser. Here, we have a cactus with a sombrero on it and a cactus arm sticks out. And if you if you get to that arm, that's that's five, five and an eight. You're too tall to drive a car. You cannot you cannot park cars.

2:57 Drew But I imagine people other parts of the country don't have to deal with that. The way you do in Southern California. I mean, it's just everyone. Everyone has to deal with that here.

3:04 Adam Here's how here's how Southern California works. The only people that park cars are from some third world nation where they don't they're malnourished and they just don't come that big. They just don't. And then the guys whose cars are getting parked are big fat Texan guys who moved out here to get into development. OK, so they get in your car. They slide the seat all the way up. And by the way, the car wash, the restaurant doesn't matter where you are. That's the guy who's driving the car slides the seat all the way up. And then you try to get into the car, but you cannot get into the car because the backrest is against the steering wheel. That's how it goes. And they need the tip. And I'm telling you, I will give a hundred dollars to the first valet who sees the gangly white dude walking toward the car, slides the seat all the way back and hops out. And by the way, let me say this. This is like my initial headphone thing. Much easier to slide a seat forward than it is to get getting into a car where the seats slid all the way front means with traffic coming, you just perform oral sex on yourself.

4:08 Drew Yes. And by the way, there's a preset button on all these cars. Just push that button.

4:13 Adam Yeah. Right. Well, I don't know how to work mine, but just look, have the seat back. You're not going to offend the guy. That's all I'm saying. All right. Drew, what were you talking about?

4:22 Drew Loveline. L-O-V-E-1-9-1.

4:25 Adam Didn't I have a cup of coffee?

4:26 Drew Oh, yeah. We were going to mention that it's the 10 year anniversary of Kurt Cobain's death.

4:33 All right.

4:34 Adam Got other things to talk about.

4:36 All right.

4:36 Adam Baseball season is starting.

4:38 Drew Yeah.

4:38 Adam I'm thinking about killing myself. I just had an ass. I've had a, I cannot stand baseball. And you know, I can't, you know, here's what I'm, I will put a shotgun in my mouth. I have to hear that blowhard Bob Costas or Billy Crystal talk about that. Yankee Stadium and being, oh, some of my early memories. Shut up! No one cares what your earliest memories are. And these a-holes I got to work with everyone just talking about.

5:06 Caller The socks.

5:07 Adam Crucial. Big pivotal game number three of the 162 game season. Believe me, the games, it's a hundred. Think about it, folks. A hundred and sixty something games. Can we really care about any one of them that much?

5:20 Drew Especially since at 120, everyone's at 500.

5:23 Adam Everybody's at five. No, they're hoping they're at 500 at the All-Star game. Please, when we get to the All-Star break, could we please be 32 and 32? Please, Lord, let us be 500 at the All-Star. Can't we just have the All-Star game tomorrow? Let's just get to the goddamn All-Star game so we can get to the playoffs, so we can get to football season. Because that's what we all want. We want to see football. We don't care about the hundred and sixty something game season. Oh, these athletes, nice big fat pitchers with their pork chop sideburns and hundred and forty pound infielders. And everyone's talking and they got, oh no, the rotisserie leagues, and they got to talk about it. And there's a game every day, every day. I mean, at least, hey, if you're not a football fan, at least you get some sort of reprise during the week, you know? It's Wednesday, alright, there's nothing going on. Oh, it's a game every single day. Oh, and we got the fantasy team to build.

6:22 Drew Larry King's coming out with a new book called Why I Love Baseball.

6:25 Adam Oh, such an idiot. Why does that idiot love... And listen, I saw that Larry King on Kimmel's show on Friday.

6:33 Drew Oh, really?

6:33 Adam Let me tell you something that you shouldn't do once you crack 65. Skinny men should not wear suspenders and denim jeans. You know what I mean? That's a bad look. That gives you a little mangina there up front. A little old mangina. And there's something weird. I don't mind seeing a fat guy with suspenders, but scarecrow type guys with suspenders, it makes the bones in their shoulders and their sort of bony hips stick out that much more. It's like a fat chick putting on a tube top or something. It really accentuates. Larry King is already built like a framing square, as it is. You don't use framing squares, but there's not one curve to them, it's just one sharp edge. I'm scared if I brushed by him, I'd cut myself. He'd pierce your skin with a rib or an elbow or a shoulder or something. So here's my plan. I'm going to get super, super tight suspenders and then jack these jeans up even higher. So instead of looking like a buck 35, I'll look like a buck 22. It's a weird thing.

7:45 Drew Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

7:46 Adam You know, it's a creepy look. He was wearing it on Jimmy's show. It's that denim pants, wearing the blue jeans, like the casual blue jeans. And then the suspenders in the dress shirt and then the loafers.

7:58 Drew Like this? Is that this?

8:00 Adam That's what Drew's wearing. Hold on. Is that what I'm wearing? Yes.

8:04 Drew No suspenders. Absolutely suspenders. That's exactly what I'm wearing.

8:07 Adam No.

8:08 Drew How weird is that again?

8:09 Adam Pretty weird. But not eerie weird. If you had suspenders on, it would be freaky weird. Alright, so let's review. Everyone who gets in your car needs to put the goddamn seat back so I don't have to get a running start to get in the effing car. Baseball season has started. Who gives a rat's ass? And don't get me wrong, I enjoy the World Series. The playoffs were great last year.

8:32 Drew But leave Adam alone.

8:34 Adam I don't want to hear about your team. I don't want to hear about your team for at least another 120 games because 120 games from now there will still be three football seasons to play. You understand? And you'll all be 500 when you get to the All-Star break if you're lucky. So please don't talk about it that much. It's not that exciting. Thank you.

8:57 Drew And I should kill myself because of the way I dress.

8:59 Adam You should kill yourself. And speaking of killing yourself, it's the 10th year anniversary, 10 year anniversary of Kurt Cobain's suicide. Or so they say. I saw a whole thing on Dateline about a couple of guys shockingly trying to sell a book.

9:14 Drew About how sick he was.

9:14 Adam Well, and Courtney had something to do with it.

9:16 Drew Well, I talked to engineer Chris before the show about this.

9:21 Adam Which one is he?

9:22 Drew This guy right here. And Chris is very, he's a huge Nirvana fan.

9:25 Adam Parked my car. Yeah.

9:27 Drew And I was surprised to hear just talking to a big fan like Chris that he didn't know how sick Kurt was.

9:32 Adam You mean drug wise or depression wise?

9:35 Drew Well, I didn't know how, just the guy was really, really sick.

9:39 Adam What do you know, Drew? I just, I don't know.

9:43 Drew Talked to people that treated him at times and who knew about his case and stuff. And it was really very, very disturbing.

9:48 Adam So is it just clinical depression mixed with heroin abuse?

9:52 Drew Well, you know, it's severe, severe heroin addiction. And that is enough to create all kinds of havoc.

9:57 Adam Right.

9:57 Drew But also abuse, survivor, severe personality issues. Severe, severe, severe.

10:02 Adam Yeah.

10:03 Drew And so there you go.

10:04 Adam Yeah.

10:04 Drew Sad.

10:06 Adam I know.

10:06 Drew Not good. Not good.

10:08 Adam I know. And you know, the guy, he was always surprised here, although not that, I think he was 27 or 28.

10:15 Drew Isn't that crazy?

10:16 Adam I mean, seemed like he was around long enough to be 32. I mean, not even close to 30. Really. He was 27. 27. Yep. No, quite down now. Don't ever correct me on air. Now, if you want to hold up a grease board that says 27 and then I'm sorry underneath it with like a sad face and tears coming out. You're still funny. I'll accept that. But on the air, that was a slap in the face.

10:44 Drew It was an attack.

10:45 Adam What was that?

10:46 Drew I don't know. Who is that man over there anyway?

10:49 Adam I don't know. He's dead to me. So anyway, Kurt, yeah, and you know the thing about Nirvana? Good band. I mean, beside all the grunge and all the hype and all the Courtney Love stuff and the drugs and all that, you know, all the pomp and circumstance around the band, good music. Yeah. And I remember well because I was attempting to get into radio ten years ago when he died. And and remember remember phoning this radio station trying to get through and it was just, of course, it was you know, Hindenburg type disaster over here. I mean, that was that's as big as it got. I don't know. I don't know what you compare to. I mean, I don't know if that's a Jim Morrison size thing around here.

11:38 Drew Yeah. Probably for this kind of radio station for sure.

11:40 Adam Yeah. And the idea with Jim Morrison and the doors, he sort of packed it in and left the country.

11:47 Drew Right. They were already fading out by that point.

11:49 Adam Yeah. But then they still had music to release and that kind of thing. But it but you sort of knew, all right, the guy the guy made his peace and he's off in France. Well, Drew, any anything you want to add to that?

12:03 Drew No, but I guess we could take calls along those lines of people are just talking about him, what happened to him or people are struggling with similar kinds of problems.

12:12 Adam John.

12:13 Yeah.

12:13 Adam You're 19?

12:14 Caller I am.

12:15 Adam What's up?

12:16 Caller I just want to say, Adam, Dr. Drew, I listen to you guys all the time. You're hilarious. Both of you. Adam, I don't care what you say. Dr. Drew does have comedy and he's hilarious. Wow.

12:26 Adam Hilarious.

12:27 Caller Yeah. I was just wondering, you know how you have to you have to fart, OK? Every guy farts. Adam, I don't know how many jokes you've laid about this, but I don't normally kid about gas.

12:39 Drew It's a very serious thing for you, isn't it?

12:41 Adam Well, it's just not the kind of thing you talk about. But go ahead.

12:46 Caller Yeah.

12:47 Adam No, I'm not going to stop other people from talking about just because I disagree with it. Go ahead, John.

12:53 Caller Yeah. You know how say you have to say you're around a girl or girl's parents or something like that. You have to you have to pass gas, but you don't want to embarrass yourself. You hold it in. It makes it like sound in your stomach and it's like something's going on and sounds like you're hungry. But then I was like, oh, you know, you're hungry, your stomach's growling.

13:14 Drew I know I just saved you from a horrible experience.

13:16 Caller Yeah.

13:16 Adam Now you can eat.

13:18 Drew Yeah.

13:19 Caller I was just wondering if that causes any problems holding it in. All right.

13:23 Adam All right. Geez, it took him 40 minutes. You know, like there's, you know, sometimes there's places like when you're having audience with the Pope. Yeah, I understand. There's times you can't just freely just break wind like you're alone in your car driving to Vegas at four in the morning. So you're saying, let me write this down. There's places like job interviews, meeting audience with the president, meeting the in-laws, that kind of stuff. Yeah.

13:45 Drew Generally, generally shouldn't just should not be just breaking when.

13:48 Adam All right. And then, but then there are times you have to break wind, but you don't because you're in a place where you can't.

13:54 Drew So they'll be considered a civilized and basically considerate kind of a action. And it has no adverse effect on you. No, you will not explode.

14:03 Adam Not that we're aware of.

14:04 Drew We're aware.

14:05 Adam No.

14:05 Drew Grow a tumor. No, no, no.

14:07 Adam What will it do? What does it need to do? And will it dissipate?

14:10 Drew Because I'm scared.

14:12 Adam They're like my children. I'm scared that I'll lose one.

14:14 Drew Lose one. I know it's an opportunity for you. It's just you're sort of like you're Catholic with sperm. You don't want to. These are potential lives, each and every one of them.

14:21 Adam That's right. And I got a quota to make.

14:24 Drew Of farts?

14:24 Adam Yeah. X amount a week.

14:27 Drew Weekly quota, not daily quotas.

14:28 Adam Well, it adds up.

14:30 Drew I mean, you can batch them together on Tuesday.

14:33 Adam I got to get 750 in each week. So, you know, you do the math.

14:37 Drew Who sets that quota?

14:39 Adam Don't worry about it. The point is, I don't like to waste them. And I'm scared if I sit on it, pardon the pun, it's not going to come back.

14:48 Drew Well, I don't know. I don't know if anyone has studied that. I do happen to believe there's a possibility some of it dissipates.

14:57 Adam See, that's what I'm talking about. Grace?

15:01 Yeah?

15:02 Adam What's happening?

15:03 Okay, I guess I was going out with this guy and like I guess I love him and we broke up and I was trying to kill him.

15:11 Drew She loved him? You loved him?

15:12 Adam She guesses she loves him.

15:15 Yeah, and like we broke up and I was trying to kill myself, right? And I got sent to a behavioral hospital and like a while after I got out, I went out with this other guy and we did it and like I don't know if I'm pregnant or not because like when we did it that day, I went to the doctors and I started taking some pills and they're called lithium. Librium?

15:38 Drew Librium?

15:38 Lithium. Okay, so like I don't know if it's like that I'm pregnant or if it's the pills and when I try to talk to this guy, like he laughs in my face, you know, and like it hurts me, you know?

15:50 Drew Alright, hold on. How long ago did you have sex?

15:54 Like two months and a half ago.

15:56 Drew And when was your last period? Alright, you must assume you're pregnant.

16:03 And like, you know, I guess, you know...

16:06 Drew So, Grace, you gotta get a pregnancy test and you gotta figure out what to do with this. You gotta notify the doctor that's giving the lithium because it's not a good idea when you're pregnant. Really? And you need to figure out what you're gonna do with this pregnancy.

16:18 Like, you know, I'm really confused right now because like the guy that like at the first...

16:22 Drew Forget about the guy. Forget about the guy. You gotta take care of Grace right now. You gotta do it.

16:28 Adam That's you, by the way.

16:29 Drew Yeah. Are you a girl who goes by Grace? You've got to look after yourself physically. You have to decide what you want to do. And you've got to take care of things right now. Go to a Planned Parenthood. Go to a county health facility. Get yourself somewhere where you can get appropriate care. Or maybe even just call the doctor that prescribed the lithium. Start there and let them know what you're experiencing. Okay?

16:49 If you like the dance, I like... I would have done that like a while ago, but like I can't because I'm not really allowed to get out of my house. Like I'm always just locked up in my house because like...

17:00 Drew You can't pick up the phone and call the doctor that's prescribing your lithium?

17:03 Adam Well, she has to be inside. The phone is outside. Ah. So it's a climb the pole. Like Buddy Epson was doing on the... No, wait a minute. Eddie Albert.

17:12 Drew What's that?

17:13 I'm scared because like my parents are not really understanding people. Like they will yell at you for anything.

17:18 Drew Yeah, but Grace, I understand. That's why things are so messed up in your life here.

17:24 Adam Your parents still together?

17:26 Actually, they are, but my dad's rarely home. He's like a really religious guy and he's always at church doing something. He's never home.

17:34 Drew Excellent.

17:35 Adam Yeah, that means ex-junkie. What was he into before he got into... before he found Jesus Christ?

17:44 He actually was like into doing all kinds of things. He was like a really big alcoholic and he used to beat up my mom and stuff.

17:52 Adam That's shocking.

17:54 Drew How did Adam know that?

17:54 Adam Yeah. Nobody just goes to church a lot.

17:57 Drew Not a male. Not a young male.

17:58 Adam No, not males now. All right, listen, Grace, here's the thing. I'm sorry for the kind of family you were born into and some of the mistakes you've made. Your life is not over, although there are certain things you're going to need to do to get it back on track and one of them is going to play in parenthood or something like that. Now, don't you go to school? Don't you ever leave the house?

18:21 Caller Yeah, I go to school.

18:22 Adam All right. Go to school, talk to the counselor, ask them about it.

18:27 Drew Go to school nurse. Go somewhere where you can get into appropriate care. I believe in Arizona we'll have a right to confidential health care. In most states, 14, 15, 16, you can do that.

18:38 Adam I saw a big billboard for New York Minute.

18:41 Drew No kidding.

18:42 Adam Drew's Olsen Twins movie.

18:44 Drew How exciting.

18:45 Adam Yeah. I just must have just went up in the last few days. It was out front of Warner Brothers.

18:51 Drew Sure.

18:51 Adam Yeah. I mean, it's probably going to probably start plastering around town soon.

18:55 Drew The trailers are just bombarding. On television?

19:00 Adam Not seen.

19:00 Drew Well, it's on the kids' channels and stuff.

19:03 Adam Oh, really?

19:03 Drew Well, my kids watch my stuff.

19:05 Adam Oh, wow.

19:05 Drew And then the movie theaters too.

19:07 Adam Aren't you quickly on the trailer? Oh, your kids got to be going nuts.

19:12 Drew Well, their friends are like, you're dead.

19:16 Adam He had sex with Hilary Duff. Yeah. Really? All right. Oh, wow. When's the movie coming out?

19:25 Drew May 7th.

19:25 Adam Drew is co-starring.

19:28 Drew Oh, no, I'm not co-starring.

19:31 Adam Let me call it that.

19:31 Drew I'm playing their dad.

19:33 Adam He's playing the Olsen Twins' dad. In a new movie that they got coming out. And that is exciting. All right. Chris. You're 15? Mm-hmm. What's up, baby doll? Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

19:56 Drew Great-grandfather?

19:58 Adam It's got to be downgraded to good. You molested, you got to go down to good.

20:02 Drew I don't know if anybody had great-grandfather.

20:05 Adam No, it happens.

20:06 Drew That would make it good? Because it was a great-grandfather?

20:09 Adam I'm just saying, you may be, I know it's a title, I know it doesn't mean you're a swell guy, but I'm just saying, if you make it to the lofty title of great-grandfather and you diddle your great-granddaughter, we've got to bring you down to good.

20:24 Drew Good-grandfather.

20:25 Adam You're just good at that point. You're not great.

20:27 Drew How about average-grandfather? Barely grandfather.

20:30 I don't know, Drew.

20:32 Adam I mean, the guy made it to 85. It's just a sprinkling of molestation.

20:37 Drew You don't get to be old being a fool, as Richard Pryor says.

20:40 Adam Let's not rush to judgment here. Chris? Uh-huh? How old was he and how old were you when this happened? 8 through 10 and he was mid-70s. And by the way, when you have a grandfather that's in his 70s and he's got a great grandkid who's 10, that's white trash there, right there.

21:05 Drew What's that?

21:06 Caller Well, I'm not white.

21:09 Adam Yeah. Well, it's black trash, too, but I mean, Mexican trash, too, yeah. It's not Asian trash. What are you?

21:17 Caller I'm Mexican.

21:18 Adam All right. That's all coming together. In that case, he's a little bit old.

21:22 Caller I know.

21:23 Adam He should have been more in his late 50s.

21:26 Caller Oh, that's good.

21:26 Drew I don't feel good about that.

21:28 Adam I'm glad. That's good. I hope it was a painful death for him.

21:32 Caller I hope so, too.

21:33 Caller All right.

21:34 Adam So he molested you from age 8 to age 10.

21:37 Caller Mm-hmm.

21:38 Drew Was it like multiple, multiple times or just?

21:40 Caller One time, my mom was a drug addict and she used to leave me over there with my great-grandparents. And one time he was watching over me. He thought I was asleep and he was just in his underwear.

21:52 Drew And what was he doing?

21:53 Caller I don't know. I was too young to know. I don't know what he was doing.

21:58 Drew Well, that's not sexual abuse.

22:00 Adam Yeah, and during the summertime, a lot of elderly Maxins will spend the entire summer in their underpants. Do you know that?

22:06 Drew I imagine.

22:06 You gotta get out.

22:08 Adam Yeah, Chris. Chris, your mom is... No, your dad. No, not the summer. Not to July.

22:16 Drew Mom's Maxin has been. All right.

22:18 Adam So this isn't molestation so far.

22:21 Caller Okay, and I would go down to like, we have like a little basement and he grabbed me from my crotch and he wouldn't let go and he had me like a swinging position and then he went up my shirt and he would do that for a while and he used to pay me off.

22:40 Adam How did he pay you off?

22:41 Caller A dollar. He used to pay me off like that.

22:44 Drew What would he say he was doing to you?

22:46 Caller He would just tell me not to tell anybody. He knew what he was doing.

22:49 Drew But he never knows the actual sex acts.

22:52 Adam No intercourse, no oral sex.

22:56 Drew It's just a weird thing, just a weird experience. I mean, it's a violation, I'll grant you.

23:01 Adam It's freaky and it's bad, but if you start getting into intercourse and oral sex, it goes off the meter.

23:07 Drew Yes, that's when you sort of shatter some of your developmental systems and things get permanently altered. But this doesn't have to affect your life, not in any kind of profound way.

23:18 Adam A drug addict mom.

23:19 Drew That's a big problem.

23:20 Adam It's going to screw you up more than a pedophile grandpa.

23:24 Caller Well, my mother also used to be, she was beaten by all her boyfriends and they used to beat me too. No one knows that. You guys know.

23:36 Drew Yeah, that's much more.

23:37 Caller Yeah.

23:37 Adam All right, Chris. Well, look, it's been a bad zero to 15. But that doesn't mean the 15 to 85 has got to be bad.

23:50 Caller I feel disfigured and that nobody likes me.

23:55 Drew Yeah, but you feel that way because of all the serious trauma and the lack of availability of people to help you with your development. You didn't get what you needed from your family. What you got was something you didn't need, things that disrupted you and didn't allow you to develop what we call a competent self, a self that had to have esteem and could regulate and feel okay about yourself moment to moment. So really, this is more about either A, you kind of bearing down on getting with it and having stable relationships and keeping good friends around you, or getting therapy.

24:25 Caller I'm in therapy and my grandmother is totally against it.

24:29 Drew Well, your grandmother doesn't have a vote.

24:32 Adam She believes in the chupacabra, too. You don't have to listen to that old bat. You go talk to the nice Jewish lady, get yourself some therapy. So break things down racially, Drew, it makes things easier to understand.

24:47 Drew I know you do that. I'm surprised the underwear didn't bleed over into the Jewish.

24:51 Adam They don't spend as much time in their underpants.

24:54 Drew Well, you're not been around that community.

24:55 Adam Old, old, oh, yeah, maybe you're right. That's inside. I'm talking about an elderly Mexican gentleman will go to the mailbox, he will go to the market, he will do his marketing, he will do the amusement park. Yes. Please trust me. Chris' father. Mother?

25:16 Drew Who's the Mexican in your family?

25:17 Adam Father. Because the mom's Italian. She does the cooking. Yeah. They don't, the Italians will beat you with a slipper. They will do that in public, but the Mexicans will actually wear their underpants during the summer. Ironically, ironically, unless they go to the beach, in which case they wear jeans and what they cut off just around the calf and actually swim in blue jeans, sometimes even a denim jacket. It'd be like a cowboy got thrown in the ocean. Other than that, in the underpants.

25:48 Drew A lot of white folks in the valley do that too now. Yeah.

25:51 Adam All right.

25:51 Drew Be fair.

25:54 Adam Let's take a break, Drew. Shall we?

25:56 Drew What about now that you have offended every possible. And this is all, look, I hope people understand not to be taken seriously what Adam is saying. Girl Next Door promotion. So tonight, all callers 17 years and older, 17 years of age and older, who get on the air will win a pair of tickets to see The Girl Next Door starring Alicia Cuthbert, who'll be on this show later this week.

26:16 Adam Oh, really?

26:17 Drew And you'll be able to see it out wherever you are. But those of you that want to go see it for free in Los Angeles can email right now at girl next door tickets. Girl Next Door Tickets at earthlink.net. You will be issued passes over the web and you can go to a special love line screening on April 7th at the Arclight for free.

26:36 Adam Oh, man.

26:36 Drew Hell of a deal.

26:37 Adam I'll tell you, they got that kettle corn there and them like airplane seats.

26:41 Drew Free.

26:42 Adam Nice place. 30 bucks is a bargain for a ticket at that joint. Nice.

26:47 Drew And a great movie.

26:48 Adam And you know what? If you're over 21, you can grab a cocktail or a brewski. They got a bar there.

26:53 Drew Is that right?

26:54 Adam I got a bar.

26:55 Drew I'll leave my cards there by the bar.

26:56 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

27:00 Caller Hello, this is your radio.

27:26 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Oh, Drew, we had to set the clocks ahead.

27:35 Drew Oh, my God. Do we not every year hate this day? Probably worse than any other.

27:40 Adam It is a great day.

27:41 Drew And of course, they started a baseball, too, for you, just to put a little sand in the alignment. Oh, yeah.

27:48 Adam And I'll tell you, all I do is, first thing, I have a ritual on these days where it's like, and here's how you know you're a loser. You lament moving this clock forward, like you lost one of your children this hour. When will I ever get it back? I lament this loss for a good 13, 14 weeks past it. And then I start attributing things to it. I'm not myself. I'm an hour. I should, see, I'm at eight o'clock and it's nine. So you got to forgive me. Cause I'm just not, hey, that was 11 weeks ago. Yeah, I know. I'm just starting to, just starting to adjust to the altitude.

28:30 Drew Do you feel any less tired now than when our show normally starts? You know what I'm saying?

28:34 Adam No, I don't feel any different.

28:36 Drew Except I lost an hour.

28:38 Adam All I do feel like is it was not an hour. It was about an hour and 40 to an hour 45 minutes. It wasn't two hours, but I just, all I did 1,300 times a day, I went, oh Christ, what time? Oh, Jesus, it's 5.15. I just, but it's not, it just kept saying it. Just kept, it's only an hour. It really does, it doesn't feel like the difference between 4.15 and 5.15. It feels like an afternoon. And I always start off, and I don't know, I mean, it's always on a Sunday. And I'm always having a good time on Saturday night. And I usually sleep in. But I will always compound things by sleeping a full two hours later than I normally do. So here's how-

29:19 Drew Yeah, a few days just gone.

29:20 Adam It normally works like this. I will get up on a Sunday, 9.45, maybe 10 o'clock. And with the hour, it would be 11 o'clock. For some reason on these nights, once a year, I will sleep until 11.30 or 12, in which case it's like 1.15. I'm walking down the stairs like, wow, it's late. Yeah, it's good times though. I just, it's gotta be more than an hour. And here's what I'm thinking we do, Drew.

29:50 Drew Yeah.

29:51 Adam When it comes time to go back, we go forward again. And we keep pushing forward until eventually we skip a day. And then we get this whole thing over with. We just push to the end of the calendar.

30:02 Drew I'm trying to figure a problem with that.

30:03 Adam We make a drive toward the end of the calendar. Now I mean, before you know it, it's light at 4 a.m. Yeah. It's getting dark at one in the afternoon.

30:11 Drew That's fascinating.

30:12 Adam It was.

30:13 Drew Screw up all the world's commerce.

30:14 Adam Yeah. Why not? Laura? You're 22?

30:19 Caller Yeah, I'm 22.

30:21 Adam What's up, baby doll?

30:23 Caller Well, I recently stopped taking my antidepressant medication. I've been on Effexor and Depakote and Prozac and...

30:35 Drew You stopped them abruptly? That is a bad idea.

30:43 Caller Well, I've been experiencing... It's been about eight days now.

30:47 Drew Okay, well, you're gonna get shakes and chills and feel dizzy.

30:50 Caller Yeah.

30:51 Drew And that is not gonna stop until you go back on the medicine and get slowly tapered off.

30:57 Adam Mm-hmm.

30:57 Drew That is a bad, bad, bad idea.

31:00 Adam You're saying it's not a good idea?

31:02 Drew Bad idea. Not only that, you must be bipolar and you will see a re-emergence of all that on top of these crazy withdrawal symptoms you're having.

31:11 Caller Well, how long before the withdrawal goes away?

31:15 Drew It may not, unless you go back on the medicine and taper off slowly.

31:19 Adam Why did you just drop it?

31:21 Caller Well, I've been seeing doctors and I've been on and off tons of medication since I was 19 and I guess I've been feeling a lot better.

31:40 Drew Why were you taking the Depakote if you're not bipolar?

31:43 Caller Well, they told me that it was a mood stabilizer.

31:48 Drew Mood stabilizer, that's for people, right. People that need mood stabilizers have bipolar illness.

31:55 Caller And he also told me that it would help me sleep because he said that it has-

32:01 Drew The others are kind of stimulant.

32:05 Adam All right, all right, Laura, listen to Dr. Drew, yes?

32:09 Drew Yes, go back on your medicine, talk to the doctor that prescribed it, get them to taper it off if that's important to you, but do not stop-

32:16 Adam All right, well, this is all one big horrible plan on your part. So it's time to rethink your strategy.

32:24 Drew Now you called Laura and you asked me what to do. I've told you what to do. Are there other things we can help you with?

32:30 Caller My question, but if I don't go back on-

32:33 Drew This may not stop. This may not stop ever.

32:37 Adam Like the phone call?

32:38 Drew No, these symptoms, I had one lady that had them for years. You cannot stop this medicine culture. It's not a good idea.

32:46 Adam He married her.

32:46 Drew Now you may, you may, you may, it may stop someday. It may not, but the effects are particularly as a medicine you have to taper slowly off of because it causes these symptoms typically. And if you don't slowly taper, these can be really, sometimes even chronic. I've seen, I had one lady that had them for eight years.

33:03 Adam Really?

33:04 Drew And even, even tapering her, we couldn't get them under control. So it's one of the risks of these medicines.

33:09 Adam Well, you know, good times. Let's see, oh, Hubestank's gonna be in here a little bit later this week. Always good to see those guys. Dave Attell from Insomnia. One of the, you know, I don't like, well, I don't like to support the arts.

33:25 Drew You don't like anybody.

33:25 Adam As you know. And I hate going to see standup comedy. Not because I don't have a good time once I do actually go there.

33:32 Drew No, you hate anybody else being funny.

33:34 Adam No, well. No, no, I just, I don't like watching people perform. Makes me uncomfortable. Unless, ironically, there's like, you know, it's a gang bang film. Just because I'm perfectly fine with that. But somehow, I don't like to see people up on stage. Dave Attell, I have seen, by the way. And probably the funniest stand-up work. Yeah. Won't be as funny on this show. But super funny stand-up act. Nice. I mean, Drew, if you like, I mean, it's like, you and me are the same way. We need to go down and watch stand-up comedy. Watch Dave Attell. Excellent. Probably the best. All right. Where are we? So he's coming on later on and then in the week. And then, what the hell? Oh, Alicia Cutler.

34:22 Drew I'm just thinking about what I know about comedians. Dave must be totally nuts. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

34:27 Adam They're all nutty.

34:28 Drew That's what I'm talking about.

34:29 Adam Well, the funny ones.

34:30 Drew The funny or the...

34:32 Adam Yeah. No. Let's talk to Craig. Craig?

34:37 Yes.

34:38 Adam You're 22. Yeah. Hello.

34:42 Caller Yes. My question is my partner recently cut a biopsy done on her cervix and the results came back and said that she had HPV and she claims that she got it from me. She's the only person I've been with since 2002 and off and on. And she said her gynecologist told her that it kills itself off after like two months or so.

35:11 Drew No, more like about three to five years.

35:14 Adam Off of the woman or the man?

35:16 Drew It's the viruses that don't cause the cervical cancer tend to go away in about three years. But you don't, the problem is Craig, you can't tell which one you've got. And so you have to consider yourself contagious basically from now on. Not a bad tactic to take anyway because the incidence of the wart virus is about 50% out there. About one out of two people have it. So if you're gonna keep yourself protected, let's say it does burn itself out and you don't wanna recontract it, these were your condom anyway.

35:45 Adam Well, now you're with this girl and she thinks maybe Craig was stepping out on her. Is that what's going on?

35:51 Caller Yes. And she was the only person, we had like a 10 month period where we weren't together and she said she wasn't with anyone else. So she said she contracted it from me. We always have safe sex.

36:04 Drew You always wear a condom?

36:05 Caller Yes, always. Except for oral sex.

36:09 Drew Yeah. So what are you worried about then?

36:12 Caller Well, I read an article that said that some physicians believe that oral, I mean, excuse me, contraceptive use through the orally and also smoking can also come up with these results. I wasn't sure if that was true or not.

36:30 Drew How would that happen? How would you get, you mean, oh, you mean you have it somehow on your mouth and you give it to her down there that way?

36:36 Caller Well, no, well, she smokes so, you know, the article.

36:40 Drew No, Craig, you got something all screwed up here.

36:42 Adam Something's wacky. Maybe it's on Dr. Bombay's web page.

36:46 Drew That's Vinny Boombots.

36:47 Adam Hey, Craig. What do you do for a living?

36:52 Caller I'm a student.

36:54 Drew What do you study in?

36:55 Caller Just taking General Eds right now.

36:57 Drew Yeah, 22.

36:58 Adam Where are you at?

37:00 Caller In the Valley.

37:01 Adam Uh-oh.

37:02 Drew Valley College?

37:03 Adam Uh-oh, it doesn't matter.

37:05 Drew He's in the Valley.

37:06 Adam You got your choice between Pierce Valley College and Northridge. Northridge. It's all, it's all a disaster. Which one is it, Craig? Northridge. All right, okay.

37:16 Drew Amongst the three.

37:17 Adam Yeah, here's what that is, is it's the difference between, let me explain something. It's like the floor gave way in the outhouse. You're at Northridge, you're just in way steep. Ah. Your Valley or Pierce.

37:30 Drew You have two eyeballs.

37:31 Adam Oh, it passed. You're up. Yeah, you're, no, you're, no, that's where they leave you. They remove the outhouse and they put a plaque.

37:39 Drew Where you, where you remain.

37:41 Adam That's all. And they walk away. Wash your hands and walk away. Just a plaque remains there now. Yes, Drew?

37:50 Drew Yes, Adam.

37:50 Caller All right.

37:51 Adam So listen, Craig.

37:52 Caller Yeah.

37:53 Adam Craig is trying to really let his gal panel know that he was not having sex with other people during the interim when they were not together.

38:02 Drew And she may have had this for years.

38:04 Adam Yeah. And so here, here's the whole thing. Mathematically, you're fine. It doesn't mean you're out doing something. Yes. You could have had this for a long time. She could have had it for a long time.

38:15 Drew But he's been wearing a condom exclusively with her. So the probability is you did not give this to her. And there's a probability that you're protected against it as well because you've been wearing a condom.

38:25 Adam There you go. That's a good time.

38:27 Drew It is a good time. Full moon, full moon.

38:29 Adam Is it a full moon? It is.

38:31 Drew Yeah.

38:32 Adam Hmm. Yeah. Maybe we should take a break. Yeah. Yeah. We gotta take a break. We're gonna get back. We're gonna speak to Mike. His semen looks like tapioca pudding. How many of these semen consistency calls can we field in my nine-year tenure?

38:51 Drew We can skip them.

38:53 Adam Tenure.

38:54 Drew Nine-year tenure. Tenure, tenure?

38:56 Adam My nine-year tenure is gonna be a tenure, tenure. Yeah.

39:01 Caller All right.

39:02 Adam Because there's no answer to this, right? It's just, oh, sometimes it's thick, sometimes it's not.

39:07 Drew It could be normal to look like that, Mike, so that's fine. There, we've answered his call.

39:11 Adam I had a bad, I had a impulse that grossed out my wife today, which is I was eating some peanut butter watching TV, and there's something about peanut butter. I don't know how it works. I don't know what its molecular structure is, but you cannot feel peanut butter on your skin. You know, if you eat a peanut butter sandwich, you can walk around for six, eight hours with a big wedge of peanut butter just flapping off your chin. You don't know it. There's something about it. It has no weight or something. Or maybe it's the exact same. Maybe it's some sort of chameleon spread where it just takes on the weight and the shape and the feel of your own skin. Like you'll be making a peanut butter sandwich or something, especially if you're going low in the jar. You're eating the sandwich, and you walk around and you see a big smudge of peanut butter on your palm or on your hand. You didn't even know it was there.

39:59 Drew It's kind of like soap sometimes get left behind on your skin.

40:02 Adam Yeah, but this is chunks of it. So, you know, it's the second meal.

40:05 Drew Let's see, grossed your wife out with that?

40:06 Adam Well, no, what I did is I was eating peanut butter and then it was sort of dark and I thought, I was doing a little caulking today and I was just shooting a little latex caulking up the house and something was stuck to my hand and I thought, yeah, must be peanut butter. And then I thought, I should just eat it. Cause you know, I got this policy. If I pull something off me, it's going to my mouth. I don't care if it's a scab or a snoggy, you know, it doesn't matter what in BM, it doesn't matter. It really doesn't. And I thought, I thought this has got to be, this has got to be peanut butter. I got to be, I'm just going to eat it. And then I thought about, and then I realized it was a latex caulk. So I, you know, but heading for my mouth.

40:44 Drew It wasn't BM.

40:45 Adam Oh, you know, the other, the other good one I did last night, which freaked her out too. This is one of those chick things. And to me, it's like a zero. Like we were, went to a Mexican food place and you know, it was one of those things where it was crowded. And they want to give you that table that is like the hub and of a wheel and the spokes are all that tables around. So I wonder, people are walking around here. You feel like a rock in the middle of a stream. You know, everyone's just buzzing by you. And I always hate that. I hate when they set you right next to people and you're elbowing with them and they can hear your nasally voice and everything. So we'll wait for the booth and sure enough, somebody got up and popped up and we popped down on it before they wiped the table. And there was the bucket of chips. Well, I was a small bowl with four or five chips in it. And I went right for a chip. She's like, Oh my God, what are you? I'm like, don't worry about it. And I was just, you know, if I went to dinner with a guy, just be eating the chips out of the same bowl. Oh my God, I can't believe you're putting, I was like, what? I would, I would finish someone's taco. I wouldn't care. You don't get sick. That's not, you don't got to worry about that part of life. Am I right, Drew?

41:50 Drew I generally agree with you.

41:51 Adam And sort of broad strokes in broad strokes, do we not go a little bit crazy on those kinds of things and not really focus on if there are ways you truly wanted to keep yourself healthy.

42:05 Drew Yo, absolutely.

42:06 Adam There are other things you could focus on.

42:07 Drew It's like our motivational priorities are off. We prioritize.

42:11 Adam We spend all our time making little toilet seats out of toilet paper on top of toilet seats at airport terminals. That's really just sort of, that's just appease your feeble mind. It does nothing for you.

42:25 Drew It's saying a chant over the toilet.

42:27 Adam Yes, yes. You wanted to feel better. You do an hour of yoga every day. That's right. That would make you, I'm not going to do it, but I'm saying, at least I don't fool myself into making an ass gasket every time I go to the goddamn airport and thinking, oh, now I'm safe.

42:41 All right.

42:42 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

42:46 Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191.

43:05 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Drew was telling me during the break what a big movie Hellboy was.

43:16 Drew Yeah, my kid saw it twice.

43:18 Adam Twice. I could see movies twice when I was a kid, but it had to be, you had to stay.

43:22 Drew Yeah, you just stayed the second time around.

43:24 Adam Yeah, you weren't going back and paying again. You just had to sit there and wait till Doc Savage started up again.

43:30 Drew What I found interesting about their comment about the second time was that we figured some things out. We were able to follow this.

43:37 Adam Subtle nuance.

43:38 Drew Yeah, we figured out the plot now. We figured out the characters.

43:41 Adam We cut through the thick subtext of the octopus man who was attacking him in the subway.

43:46 Drew Exactly, exactly.

43:48 Adam Yeah, a lot of nuance to the tentacle man. Look, I got to say a couple of things. Ron Perlman going to come on the show, I think.

43:56 Drew Maybe next week.

43:57 Adam Let me say a couple of things. First off, like I was complaining about baseball and rotisserie leagues and guys living and dying on Pivotal Game 13 in the 162 season. Okay, these same guys. It's like, hey, they're making the Silver Surfer into a movie. Oh my God, because I got Silver Surfer 33 and I got 28. I mean, I don't touch them. I use Kleenex.

44:26 Drew You're basically making fun of the generation that you're an old man. And you're making fun of the generation behind you.

44:31 Adam No, I'm saying these guys are nerds.

44:33 Drew Yes, but they're super nerds.

44:34 Adam And look, when they make one of these comic book movies, they make a comic book into a movie, should 35, 38 year old men be creaming themselves? You know, it's like, oh my God, Spider-Man, relax buddy, you'll be 40 next week. Really? Yeah. Maybe I just, I missed the entire baseball card collecting comic book. I mean, I couldn't read.

44:59 Drew Basically, that is not enough high school football playing.

45:03 Adam Maybe it's junior high, but I couldn't read so I never got in a comic book. But the idea of looking at a comic book and getting excited about the next issue seemed bizarre to me at age 11. Yeah, I don't want to talk to these people.

45:15 Drew We have one minute, we have to take another break.

45:17 Adam Well, we're gonna take the break. Yeah, here's, I labeled GI. Joe's, Cub Scouts and comic books gay when I was nine or 10. Like, what, what do I want to be playing with a doll? I'm not gonna hang out with these guys with these funny hats and these weird kerchiefs they wear. Reading, we should be out having dirt clod fights or playing smear the queer. We didn't be home reading. Yeah, I don't understand. And the baseball card collection, all that stuff just seemed, it just, I guess someone could have got me into it, but it just seemed like, well, what's it do? The card's not doing anything. I want to go-

45:50 Drew Collect is having.

45:51 Adam Let's get a go-cart and go raise a little hell.

45:54 Drew Some kids like having, some kids like doing.

45:56 Adam I like having, I like doing the stuff I have, though. I want a motorcycle. I want to ride a wheelie.

46:01 Drew You have to have stuff that does, yes.

46:03 Adam Yeah, that's an interesting, interesting thing. Well, anyway, Ron Perlman, who was Hellboy, the Hitler in World War II went back to go get him.

46:13 Drew Yes. They didn't mean to get him. He came through.

46:17 Adam Here's my point. At this point, let's just start the movie from, there's a guy named Hellboy. He's Satan's son. It's like, Hellboy, how does this work? Well, you see, aha, Mangala and Guring and Hitler, they all found a porthole to hell. I'm listening. And they went back and they got, you know, there's a secret weapon for World War II. Of course. Oh, okay.

46:37 Caller Of course.

46:38 Adam Now it all makes sense. Oh, you see, Jim Carrey couldn't lie because his son made a wish on his fourth birthday. Ah ha ha. Well, now-

46:47 Drew That's how that kind of thing always happens.

46:49 Adam That's how it happens. All right. So at first, is this based on a true story?

46:53 Drew Of course.

46:54 Adam Okay.

46:54 Drew Of course. How dare you?

46:57 Adam Drew's tired of Hellboy because he had to see you twice this weekend. Well, Drew, we didn't even get to a call.

47:02 Drew I hate that.

47:03 Adam Yeah, me too, because it's all about the kids. We're going to take a quick break. And then, man, we got a lot of show after this.

47:11 Caller Here it is.

47:11 Adam Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

47:14 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects. Call the Dateline.

47:18 Caller 1-877-889-DATE.

47:49 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Where's Anderson tonight? Is that Ken? Mm-hmm. Where's Anderson?

48:00 Drew Ken? Funny how he didn't mention any of that to us.

48:05 Adam Well, we don't talk.

48:07 Drew I try. I try to talk to him.

48:09 Adam You do not.

48:09 Drew I try.

48:10 Adam Anderson is one of these guys where he doesn't talk to you, and then he's like, Corolla, A-Hole, I'll follow him. So, thinks because he's a C celebrity, doesn't have to talk to the little people. Meanwhile, he doesn't talk to you, right?

48:27 Drew Doesn't talk to you.

48:28 Adam All right. Well, wasn't he gone last week?

48:31 Drew He went to the Ronald McDonald thing, and then he went to the, see, he works at a cancer camp for kids with cancer.

48:37 Adam Yeah.

48:37 Drew And then he did a fundraiser for that whole thing, and now he's gone again.

48:42 Adam I'll tell you, Anderson is a, he's a-

48:45 Drew Jack of all trades.

48:47 Adam No, he's a riddle that we don't care to solve.

48:50 Drew Wrapped in an enigma.

48:51 Adam No, he's just, he's kind of a guy, he's got some layers. He's interesting. There's much more to him than meets the eye, but we're never gonna find out about it, and that's okay with us. I mean, let's be honest. Yes? It doesn't mean you don't, no, here's what I'm saying. There's a lot of people in life where you go, this guy's interesting. I'm sure he's got other stuff going. You get a little glimpse of it every once in a while. He does this, he does that. You find out he was there. It's always a little surprising. Oh, he read that book. Oh, he did this. Oh, he used to date this person or something. And for a split second, you think, we had to sit down and have some drinks and really talk about, you know, really get to it one day. And then you go, no, that's fine. That's good. And it's not even a bad thing. It's not like I don't like the guy. I really like Anderson, but we don't need to know. You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying. When have you gone out with him?

49:39 Drew No, I'm trying to evaluate that. There's some truth in what you're saying, but I genuinely do have a desire to know, yet I'm not sure I'd do it.

49:46 Adam You're not gonna act on it. Look, I work with people this way. They work at my house. I work at their, I work at my jobs. It's like you go, there's certain people, and you go, this person is a substantial person. There's something, it's not all just what you see at work. There's other interests, other facets to their life. And you think for a second, I get to know them, and then you think, this is good enough.

50:09 Drew It's the kind of thing where you need to be in a circumstance where you're together somewhere and there's no alternative, and then you're in.

50:15 Adam You guys need to plow into a snowbank on your way across country or something, and be trapped there, and forced to make love in order to keep warm and not die of hypothermia.

50:26 Drew But that's the guy you want to be.

50:27 Adam Sweet, sweet love to Engineer Anderson.

50:30 Drew You're gay. Michelle?

50:35 Adam You're 25? What's up?

50:38 Caller Okay, anytime that I've had sex with any guy, I just can't seem to orgasm while we're having sex. It's always best.

50:45 Adam Hold on a second, hold on. I feel the same way about Engineer Chris, less the part about the interesting stuff and there's more to him.

50:52 Drew You just want to have sex with him. You just want to be with him.

50:54 Adam No, they get to know part.

50:56 Drew Yeah, I see, I see. You just skip right over all of that.

50:59 Adam Yeah, other than the same. We will never hang out, but I will think about why we haven't hung out, but I will not act on it. And don't count this as hanging out. This doesn't count. That's right. Don't look at me. Turn away, turn away, turn away. Thank you. You look too long, it counts as hanging out. Drew, you look over there too.

51:20 Drew When you say don't look at me, it scares me. It reminds me of David on Greer's Don't Look At Me.

51:26 Adam Michelle? I'm sorry.

51:28 Drew So you can't not have an orgasm during intercourse, right? But you can with oral sex?

51:35 Caller No, not even that. Usually what happens is we'll have sex and I send the guy to the kitchen to get a glass of water so that I can quickly masturbate to get an orgasm. And I'm wondering how I can fix that problem so that I can have an orgasm while I'm having sex.

51:49 Adam Is it the guy? Is this the same guy?

51:52 Caller Well, it is the same guy right now, but it's happened in the past with other partners.

51:56 Drew Why don't you include him in all that self-stimulation?

52:01 Caller I'm sorry?

52:02 Drew Why don't you let him participate with you when you do that to yourself?

52:07 Caller That's just kind of weird. I'm not like most guys can be where they just, I don't know, guys can do that. Girls sometimes can't do that.

52:15 Adam Yeah, but times.

52:17 Drew But they could believe it, the guys would be happy to sort of be around while you do that.

52:21 Caller Okay, but maybe so, and maybe I can try to do that with this guy, but in the meantime, how can I have an orgasm while he's inside of me?

52:30 Drew That will not happen. Well, you can still stimulate yourself.

52:33 Adam You can fake one.

52:34 Drew Yeah, well, you can stimulate yourself while he's inside. Try that. And the other option is to actually give him a chance to give you oral sex, but it doesn't sound like you give the guys a chance for that.

52:45 Caller And let me, I mean, it feels great. It really does, but I've never been able to orgasm. Have an orgasm.

52:52 Drew I think you ought to try doing something while he's with you or in you.

52:56 Adam Yeah, you mean you just flick the button there a little bit while he's in there? What do you think about that, Michelle?

53:04 Caller That could possibly work.

53:06 Adam All right.

53:06 Drew Well, that, the guys will be fine, absolutely fine with that. Absolutely fine.

53:10 Adam Yeah, we don't, we don't, here's the whole thing. Women would possibly get offended if a guy did a version of that.

53:18 Drew Yes.

53:19 Adam If a guy was having intercourse with you and then reached down and started scrubbing his nuts or something, you know, they'd be like, oh, well, that's weird. Women would be like, I don't understand why he needs more. Isn't he already getting enough? How come I'm not satisfying him? He thinks he should get, if he thinks he's going to find better than this, well, then he's got another, they just get themselves rolling.

53:39 Drew The guys, anything you can do to make their work less, bring it on.

53:43 Adam Yes.

53:43 Drew Yes, that's it with the guy.

53:44 Adam We are, we are very practical. It's like we're out raking leaves and, oh, look, look who's holding the glad bag open for us.

53:51 Drew Fantastic. You got a leaf blower.

53:53 Adam Yeah. And you're like, well, well, how are they going to help? No, no, we're, they're helping.

53:56 Drew We're raking, I see they're helping.

53:57 Adam They're helping. Yeah, we're not going to turn that away. We're not going to, oh, you don't think I can rake leaves myself? This is slap in the face to women. You cannot do that. I wonder what a chick would, see, and a chick would get creeped out too. Like if you were having sex with her and all of a sudden you just started licking your finger, rubbing your nipple. She, she, hold on, Chris, Chris, don't look at me.

54:19 Drew Don't look.

54:19 Adam Don't look, especially when I'm talking about rubbing my nipple. Drew, would that freak out most chicks?

54:25 Drew And most humans, yes. It would be weird, right? I think something in there is also that key to males looking at the homosexual video. The same kind of reaction. The thought of you doing that is the same reaction to looking at gay porn.

54:41 Adam Yeah.

54:42 Drew I don't know what that is.

54:43 Adam Okay, but here's the thing that's ironic.

54:45 Drew What is that?

54:45 Adam Guys do nothing but service themselves. Right?

54:50 Drew Nothing. Nothing.

54:53 Adam Hold on. Don't, Chris. Don't look. Don't look. Okay.

54:57 Drew Don't look at me.

54:58 Adam Don't look at me. Here's what I'm saying.

55:02 Caller He's not looking.

55:03 Adam That's good. That's good because I can... My back is to Chris, but I can see the reflection in Drew's glasses, so I know when he's looking. Busted. Busted. Stone busted. Okay. Here's what I'm saying. Guys... Okay. You take a 25-year-old guy. All he does is beat off. This is his essence. That's all he does.

55:27 Drew His essence.

55:28 Adam 25-year-old guy is going to beat off 5 to 10 times a week. No problem. But when he's with a woman, if he did start rubbing himself or helping himself out or lending a hand, it would be creepy and weird to the woman.

55:42 Drew And offensive.

55:43 Adam And offensive. Now, women do not touch themselves nearly as much as guys, but if a woman was to do a little rubbing on herself, even, you know, a woman could lick her own nipple while a guy was on top of her. Guys don't have a problem. The guys are like, oh, hey, wow. Look at her. She made it. This is great. Don't look, Chris. So it's ironic that the one who's going at himself all the time anyway can't touch himself. And the ones who don't touch themselves frequently do. And it's great. So women do not look. But here's what women do. Women women do that. Oh, well, if he touched himself, I would feel bad. So he's going to feel bad. Right, right, right.

56:25 Drew Right.

56:25 Adam Don't wait.

56:26 Drew Don't think like a man.

56:28 Adam Here's the deal. Everybody, no matter what your gender is, when you just start flipping your feelings like, well, it would hurt me. So it naturally it would hurt wrong, wrong in the gender department. In general comes to like stealing car stereos. Go ahead and use that premise.

56:44 Drew No, in general, if you were filling the blank with in this relationship, if he were to do that, I would feel bad. Therefore I won't. That is a done.

56:55 Adam Yeah. Unless you're talking about cheating, but anything that's going on in the sack.

56:59 Drew But it is an interesting question of how do people know what the range of those guidelines are. In other words, it's every time a woman thinks that's disturbing to me, therefore it must be disturbing to him, 99 times out of 100, she's wrong.

57:12 Adam If it's in the bedroom.

57:13 Drew Yeah.

57:14 Yeah.

57:15 Drew 99 times out of 100.

57:16 Adam Yeah, the one is the, that's the right up the poop here.

57:22 Yeah.

57:22 Drew But that's the one that she thinks because she read in Cosmo, it's going to be good.

57:25 Adam Right.

57:25 Drew And the guys, no.

57:27 Adam And even that one percent, there's a 10 percent of guys that are, be down with it. Nick?

57:33 Yes?

57:34 Adam You're 23?

57:35 Caller Yes.

57:36 Adam Are you a virgin?

57:37 Drew Yeah.

57:38 Caller No.

57:39 Drew No?

57:39 Adam No. How many women have you made sweet love to?

57:45 Caller Hello?

57:46 Adam How many women have you made love to? Two. Pretty light for a 23 year old, but okay. Go ahead, Nick.

57:56 Caller Well, over the last couple of weeks, when I've awakened several times, I've been unable to move my body for a couple of seconds. It's really kind of freaked me out. And I was wondering if there's anything dangerous or dangerous about this.

58:13 Drew Well, it's called a, it's a night terror basically when you get, you wake up in the middle of the night or just when you wake up in the morning, you feel sort of frozen, locked in. You're still, your eyes are open, you're aware of your surroundings, but you can't move. And that can be medication, it can be a seizure type phenomenon, it can be a sleep disturbance, it can be emotions. There's a lot of reasons it can be, most of which are benign, not a big deal. But you should talk to your doctor about it. Are you on any medication?

58:36 Caller No.

58:36 Drew Do you do any drugs? No. Yeah. You've been anxious about something, you're nervous?

58:44 Caller Oh, well I have social anxiety, so.

58:46 Drew Yeah, this may be part of that. And you're on nothing for that?

58:50 Caller No.

58:51 Adam You have a girlfriend?

58:53 Caller Not right now, no. Yeah.

58:55 Drew And you're working now?

58:57 Caller Yes.

58:58 Adam How does this social anxiety manifest itself?

59:02 Caller With me?

59:03 Adam Yeah.

59:04 Caller Well, just with new people mostly. If it's someone I know, it's pretty okay. Uh-huh.

59:10 Adam How do they know you're nervous, or would they know?

59:15 Caller Well, just they wouldn't really know, except for maybe trembling in my voice or if they were to look really close, maybe trembling in my ear. I don't know.

59:25 Adam I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

59:35 Caller I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

59:44 Drew Well, that's a sudden turn.

59:46 Adam Well, if you want to write for a show like The Kimmel Show, first thing you got to do is flunk out at junior college. And then you got to kiss Jimmy's ass pretty good.

59:58 Drew You got to follow the Red Sox.

1:00:00 Adam You got to pick a team. Yeah. Now, how do you start writing comedy?

1:00:09 Drew I bet every one of those guys that is a writer has a different story.

1:00:13 Adam Yeah. They're all pathetic though. Here's the thing. Okay. Here's what, that's true. Here's the thing. Here's what I would say. If you want to write, you should carry a notebook around and write stuff down. You make an observation, think of something that's funny, whatever, write it down. The other thing, you know, I realized, I was talking to one of our writers assistants on a Friday. He used to send jokes to Saturday Night Live. He used to send jokes to Leno. And make money. They pay you a hundred bucks a pop if they use your joke. Yeah, it's fine with them because it's like, well, I got to do a mon, you know, they got to do a monologue every night.

1:00:52 Drew There are no union issues with that or? I don't know.

1:00:56 Adam It's interesting, but it's like, well, they're not firing any of their guys. They're just taking, you know, so somebody emails them 500 jokes, you comb through them. Maybe there's three you like, and that's three less you got to come up with for that never ending monologue. Anyway, I would just carry a notepad around and start writing stuff there.

1:01:15 Drew Interesting.

1:01:16 Adam Yeah, no, not that interesting. Jenny?

1:01:19 Drew You're right.

1:01:21 Adam You're 25?

1:01:24 Caller Hello.

1:01:24 Adam Jenny, Jenny.

1:01:27 Caller My question is, my husband doesn't seem to want me very much at all, and I would like to know what to do to spark his interest.

1:01:36 Drew Well, give us some more history here. How long you guys been together?

1:01:39 Caller Um, almost four years.

1:01:42 Drew And you have any kids?

1:01:44 Caller Uh, yes.

1:01:45 Drew How long ago was the last child born?

1:01:46 Caller Um, just a little while ago, maybe a year.

1:01:50 Drew A year ago. And you're all back to normal again, physically, since that?

1:01:54 Caller Yeah, I mean, I'm thin and everything.

1:01:55 Drew Okay, and you've had, and your desire is normal, and you're not, nothing new is going on with you?

1:02:00 Caller Well, my desire has always been more than his. Uh, always been a lot more than his. Maybe it was age, because he's a little bit older than I am.

1:02:09 Drew How old is he? How far into his 30s?

1:02:13 Caller Early.

1:02:16 Adam Can't you say 33?

1:02:19 Drew All right. And so?

1:02:20 Adam It's got turn and turn now. Well, because of the age.

1:02:25 Drew How old is he?

1:02:26 Adam He's so older than me.

1:02:27 Drew How old is he?

1:02:28 Adam He's in his, let's just say he's in his 30s.

1:02:30 Drew How far into his 30s is he?

1:02:32 Adam Mid-early-ish 30s, to say he was 35 would be an exaggeration of his numeric quantity.

1:02:41 Drew Is it a prime number?

1:02:43 Adam It's an even number.

1:02:44 Drew Even number, okay. And he's more than 32?

1:02:48 Adam Well, I'll say less than 33 and more than 31.

1:02:52 Drew A reasonable idea. Thank you.

1:02:55 Adam You got a pretty good idea how old he is. All right, Jenny. Okay, how old is he?

1:03:01 Caller He's 32.

1:03:05 Adam Well, we figure that out. Okay, that should make no difference. And at 32, Drew was like a ferret on a double cappuccino just on top of anything that moved. I mean, the passion flowed like a raging river that could not be stopped sweeping up everything in its path. By the way, there would be farmers on floating barns going down that passion river, livestock. I mean, it was an endless river, a torrent of passion.

1:03:41 Drew And that's Jenny, yeah, basically. And so how often before this sudden drop off, how often were you guys having sex?

1:03:48 Caller God, it dropped off after like the first two months.

1:03:51 Drew Of marriage? How long was it when you were doing well? How often was it?

1:03:56 Caller When we were doing well, it was twice a week.

1:03:59 Drew And then after marriage, how often?

1:04:01 Caller Twice a week, roughly.

1:04:03 Drew Where did this big drop off occur?

1:04:06 Caller It just seemed to slowly dwindle for the past three years now. And it's just I practically have to beg for it.

1:04:15 Drew Where are we now?

1:04:17 Caller Where we're at now is nine times out of ten, I'm turned down. And I'm lucky to get it maybe once a week, if that, and even then it's kind of like the all right kind of thing. And it's a quickie, nothing real special. I've talked to him about it and he's tried to make an effort a couple of times. The fact is what I'm worried about is that I just don't measure up. He's the only guy I've ever been with and I'm afraid that, you know, that it's just I don't measure up to the people in his past and he's just not interested.

1:04:49 Drew He says nothing. There's no way.

1:04:54 Adam It's not about measuring up.

1:04:55 Drew Do not think like a woman. This is a male's problem. And this is not what makes a man click. No. There's something.

1:05:03 Adam Guys go to prostitutes and stuff.

1:05:05 Drew Jenny, please. Listen to him.

1:05:07 Caller When he told me, when I told him, I said, you know, I said a lot of guys complain that they don't get it enough and now it's the other way around. You should be happy, you know? And he said, he said, yeah, I know, I used to be one of them. My ex only gave it to me once a month, clearly indicating it, that he wanted it from his ex, obviously more, you know, and he's the one who never gave it to him. And so now I'm kind of like, okay, well, obviously, I don't know what's wrong with me.

1:05:30 Caller All right.

1:05:30 Adam Well, well, hold on a second. And by the way, don't, don't bother trying to do this sort of ex history math, by the way.

1:05:37 Caller Yeah.

1:05:37 Adam Don't worry about that. I know it's only kind of math, by the way, the only time, ironically, when women do math is to try to grow. So he dated her for 12 months, but he said he was with her for eight months. And we met in January. So that's, oh, God forbid, it's the only time a woman ever starts thinking about math.

1:05:59 Drew Now, here's the deal. There's some, something's already wrong with him that he would be with somebody that only would have sex with him once a month. Well, there's already something weird about that.

1:06:07 Adam Let me get some questions answered. What's he do for a living?

1:06:10 Drew That's what I want to know.

1:06:14 Adam Uh-oh. That's a bad sign.

1:06:15 Drew Does he smoke a lot of pot? Does he do any drugs?

1:06:20 Caller No.

1:06:20 Adam Is he into, uh, like the internet?

1:06:23 Caller Yeah, in fact, he likes porn. I've even watched a couple to try and figure out what he wants.

1:06:27 Drew Oh, boy. Well, here we go. Yeah, all right. I've been trying. No, no, no, Jenny. No, no, no, no, no.

1:06:33 Adam Well, here's, uh, okay. Okay, it's, it's not your fault.

1:06:37 Drew It's not that he wants you to behave like somebody in a pornography. That's not it.

1:06:42 Adam In a porno movie. In a porno movie. And here's the other thing, too, you kind of wonder is usually when guys don't want to have sex, they're just, what they're trying to do is they're trying to pull out of the relationship. Not get divorced.

1:06:54 Drew Yeah.

1:06:54 Adam I mean, make, you know, you got the kids running around, you got the thing. He's a maintenance guy, so they're probably living on top of each other in some 800 square foot dump. You're trying to carve your own time. And that's what the computer and the porn becomes about. All of a sudden, you're whispered away to some sort of fantasy world. Jenny. Yeah. Here's the thing. It's a tough one to crack. I mean, obviously, the guy probably needs a little therapy. You thinking something's wrong with you and what could you do to make it better and all this. It's the wrong angle. The angle is he's not wanting to be intimate. He's sort of pulling away.

1:07:37 Drew And there's a reason for that.

1:07:38 Adam You need to...

1:07:39 Drew It has nothing to do with you being better or prettier or more available or more pornographic in how you approach him. It has nothing to do with that. I smell substance or some sort of addiction. I mean, it's porn addiction. When people start sort of secluding themselves and relationships start falling apart because the behaviors, compulsive behaviors that pull them away, that's a substance or addiction or something. And that is something that needs evaluation. So Jenny, listen, this to me needs evaluation. It's actually a rather serious symptom.

1:08:11 Adam He's a maintenance guy. He's not going to do anything. And by the way, maintenance man, well below like carpenter or roofer or anything.

1:08:20 Drew Below roof?

1:08:21 Adam Yeah. Ironically, almost no one is below roofer. Ironically. Ironically. Yeah. Chris, you can look at me now. Yeah.

1:08:30 Drew Ironically.

1:08:31 Adam Ironically. Almost no one is below roofer. Don't laugh, but make it be heavy. Show me that. I'm working so close.

1:08:43 Drew The irony, by the way, too, for Jenny is that it's not like one of the things you can check off your list is he's not having an affair. Because the guy that's having an affair is doubling down.

1:08:52 Adam Absolutely.

1:08:52 Drew He doesn't want to leave you any clues or breadcrumbs that could lead you to down the path to him finding, you finding out what he's up to. That's right. So a guy pulling away like that means he's like got a little life of his own by himself.

1:09:05 Adam Right.

1:09:05 Drew Whether it's with a substance or with pornography or whatever, it's a compulsive behavior that he can't stop and it's destroying the relationship that needs to be treated.

1:09:13 Adam Oh Drew, I just found some of this clunking on my hand. Now that I'm in a well-lit room now, I thought it was peanut butter earlier, I was going to eat it. All right, let's take a little break.

1:09:24 Drew All right.

1:09:25 Adam We'll be back after this.

1:09:26 Drew Loveline.

1:09:45 Adam I'm your commander, Adam Carolla.

1:09:48 Drew Commando.

1:09:49 Adam That is Dr. Drew over there. We got some business.

1:09:53 Drew We do, we got two pieces of business. One is to remind people, this is the 10th anniversary of Kurt Cobain's demise, and no one has called, so if we had one call up to challenge Chris to the Kurt Cobain trivia contest, but that fell off the line. Almost got to that one. And, but I was more interested in talking about the issues of heroin addiction and severe abuse, survivorship and depression and suicide, which is a common, an unfortunately common problem. In the Switchgears, we have the Girl Next Door promotion, all callers 17 years of age and older get on the air tonight. We'll win a pair of tickets to see this film, which Adam has proclaimed, he's cursed it.

1:10:29 Adam No, it is the Citizen Kane of our generation.

1:10:33 Drew Yeah, he's proclaimed it a great film, starring Alicia Cuthbert, who will be up here later this week.

1:10:38 Adam Well, it could be Alicia.

1:10:39 Drew Alicia Cuthbert? Do you want to say Alicia?

1:10:41 Adam Yeah, I think you did.

1:10:42 Drew The Girl Next Door at earthlink.net. The Girl Next Door, no, I beg your pardon, it's Girl Next Door Tickets at earthlink.net. If you log on to that site, Girl Next Door Tickets at earthlink.net, you will be issued passes to go see the movie for free at the Arclight, a special Loveline screening on April 7th. The rest of you that are 17 years of age or older get on the air tonight and we'll get two passes for free, also for free, to see it in your area.

1:11:08 Adam Well, I'm counting the number of letters, 13, 14, 15, 16, in that web address.

1:11:16 Drew Girl Next Door Tickets?

1:11:17 Adam Yeah, 17, 18, 19, 20, and that A with the thingy around it, I'm counting that as one, that's 20, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10.

1:11:27 Drew What are you doing with the dot?

1:11:29 Adam I'll count that, because you gotta move to do that. There's like 33 things.

1:11:33 Drew 33 strokes?

1:11:34 Adam Characters, strokes, that's more typing than I've done thus far.

1:11:38 Drew In your life?

1:11:39 Adam I've typed 28.

1:11:41 Drew In your life so far?

1:11:42 Adam I think so.

1:11:43 Drew 38 strokes, 28 strokes, yeah.

1:11:44 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

1:11:45 Drew Yet strangely enough, just as you made the point about the women not touching themselves and yet touching themselves in the act, strokes are something that you were very familiar with. Very familiar with, indeed.

1:11:56 Adam Don't look at me, Chris. Melissa?

1:11:58 Caller Yeah?

1:11:59 Adam You're 15?

1:11:59 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:12:01 Adam What's up?

1:12:02 Caller Yeah, I just, I love you guys so much. I used to listen to you all the time, and then I kind of stopped for about a year and a half, and then I had a dream about you last night, so, and I was about to go sleep tonight, but I heard you guys mention Kurt Cobain, so I was all awake, and, yeah.

1:12:18 Adam Yeah, now, you stopped listening to us for an hour and a half, for a year and a half.

1:12:23 Caller Well, it was because of my mother. She kind of heard your show one night, and I was stunned from it.

1:12:27 Adam Yeah. All right, let me do what you can.

1:12:30 Caller Yeah.

1:12:31 Adam What's up? What's up with the Kurt Cobain thing?

1:12:35 Caller I don't know. What?

1:12:37 Drew What was it you wanted to tell us about tonight?

1:12:38 Caller Oh, the dream. It was like kind of the Ten Commandments of Adam Carolla thing, but it's like really outdated, I guess, because the last time I listened to you. Yeah, except it was like 20, but I don't remember any of them. I mean, I remember them, not all 20, but the first one was like, Thou Shall Not Read Tiger Beat Magazine, and then Thou Shall Change Smoke Detector Batteries, Thou Shall Turn Down Your Radio, Thou Shalt Go to Junior College, Thou Must Kill the Ants. The Ants.

1:13:06 Drew The Ants, yeah. There's nothing outdated about any of this, Melissa, by the way.

1:13:10 Adam And I like the chant thrown in there.

1:13:12 Caller Yeah, Thou Shall Not Whack Mike with Mug.

1:13:15 Adam To know what?

1:13:16 Drew The mic.

1:13:17 Adam Oh, mic.

1:13:17 Caller Oh, yeah, true.

1:13:18 Adam Yeah.

1:13:19 Drew Yeah, keep going.

1:13:20 Caller I Love Bakersfield, and Cyber Adam Rules, those aren't really Commandments, they're in there.

1:13:26 Drew What was that one?

1:13:27 Adam Cyber Adam Rules.

1:13:28 Drew Oh, yeah, we haven't had Cyber Adam visit us in a while.

1:13:30 Adam Forgot about him.

1:13:32 Caller Okay, yeah, people are stupid, not interesting, as some people would say. I guess that was when that doctor guy was there, and he kept saying everybody was interesting.

1:13:39 Adam No, I don't remember him.

1:13:41 Caller Yeah, that dude is replacing Dr. Drew that one time, I don't remember his name.

1:13:46 Adam Yeah, well, you can't replace Dr. Drew, you can only show up when he's not here and do a better job.

1:13:51 Caller Yeah, thou shalt not walk in on a 70-year-old astronaut going to the bathroom.

1:13:56 Adam No. Oh, oh, yeah, when I walked in on, I think a Buzz Aldrin was taking a dump. Very serious man, that Buzz. Yeah.

1:14:04 Caller Yeah, thou shalt not go to the dentist if they don't have warm water.

1:14:08 Drew No, Melissa, this happened in your dream? This all came to you?

1:14:12 Caller It did. It was like on a menu for like today's specials at like a restaurant.

1:14:17 Drew Was it on stone tablets that Adam threw down at the...

1:14:20 Caller No, it was on like a little dry erase board for today's specials at like a restaurant.

1:14:24 Drew Oh my God, that is too...

1:14:25 Adam Wow.

1:14:26 Drew Melissa, you're such a clairvoyant.

1:14:27 Adam Did you write them all down?

1:14:29 Caller When you woke up?

1:14:30 Caller I wrote most of them down on there.

1:14:32 Adam Hold on a second. I... What? I forgot about the dentist. I'm just spraying that... That freezing cold stream water all over my sensitive teeth that they just raped for the last two hours. And it's a part... It is my favorite part where I say to the guy, spraying it, it's really... It's really uncomfortable, especially when they've been drilling and doing and making and being, and he's just got to flush your mouth out and he's spraying it. Depending on when you go, if you know, if you do your math, during the wintertime, whatever comes out of the faucet on the cold end is cold. I mean, it's as cold as the earth that it's coming from, basically, or at least passing through. And if it's the middle of July or August, it'll be a little bit warmer. But if you're in January, it's going to come out at 40 degrees and spray it on your teeth, it hurts. You know, I said to the guy, hey, they ought to invent a heater coil or something that warms that water. You know, it's painful. Yeah, they got them. That's the other thing, too. I like that guy. I like the guy who works at a place and you go, yeah, give me half beef and half the Italian cold cuts. And I go, no, we can't do that. You know, you can't. I go, yeah, everyone wants it. Everyone always asks for that. Everyone asks. Everyone comes in. Yeah. How about you start doing the ask that people ask for as a business owner? I'm looking out for you, by the way.

1:16:00 Drew Right.

1:16:00 Adam But.

1:16:01 Drew And your customers.

1:16:02 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, they make those heaters. Sure. No, a lot of people say, yeah, they have a lot to discuss.

1:16:08 Drew Yeah.

1:16:09 Adam Yeah. A lot of people. All right.

1:16:14 Drew I want to hear more what's on the board.

1:16:16 Adam I want to get I want to get these said, I want to get these dentists down. I want you know what? I want to get these people. I want to become like their pool man and just take a dump in the pool and go, what are you what are you doing? Shouldn't you be putting chlorine in there? Yeah. Yeah. They make it. They got that. A lot of people ask for that. Not me. I take a duke in the deep end. Well, isn't it? Wouldn't it be better if you use chlorine? Sure. Yeah. A lot of people ask for that.

1:16:41 Drew That's good times.

1:16:43 Adam Melissa.

1:16:43 Caller Yeah.

1:16:44 Drew What else was up on that blackboard?

1:16:46 Caller If you're stupid, don't have kids. And if you don't know what veal and venison or the holocaust is, we don't need you.

1:16:53 Drew Veal and venison. I haven't thought about that in a long time.

1:16:58 Caller What? Adam's a heavyweight.

1:16:59 Adam Oh yeah, I'm a heavyweight. I mean, I can drink a lot and be fine.

1:17:04 Drew She's cataloging five years of the program.

1:17:07 Adam I forgot about all this stuff.

1:17:08 Drew This is all we were geniuses back then.

1:17:09 Adam That's right.

1:17:10 Caller Veal. If thou must have kids, give them a room, not a service porch.

1:17:17 Adam Very sad.

1:17:18 Drew What else?

1:17:19 Adam I had the meter in my goddamn room, the electric meter. The meter man used to have to come into my room to read the meter.

1:17:26 Drew The gas meter. Yeah.

1:17:28 Adam The electric. Not the gas meter. The electric meter.

1:17:34 Caller Yeah. Thou shalt never crap in friends' rams, Beanie.

1:17:38 Drew Well, that's sad.

1:17:39 Adam Yeah. My buddy Ray cramped in my rams, Beanie.

1:17:41 Drew Melissa, you need to send those things. Wait, wait, wait. She's not done. She's at 20.

1:17:46 Caller One more. They have one more there. Remember. Thou shalt pray at the altar of Taboo II.

1:17:52 Drew Think what that kind of, think what the power of the human brain has. That she's sitting in a dream and that's on a board that she reads and then writes down.

1:18:02 Adam Very powerful.

1:18:04 Drew That is amazing.

1:18:05 Adam Melissa. 15. Wise beyond her years.

1:18:07 Drew I mean, come on.

1:18:08 Adam Yeah. I forgot about the dentist.

1:18:11 Drew I forgot about all the facts that to us.

1:18:13 Adam Facts it to us.

1:18:14 Drew You guys screeners. What email?

1:18:16 Adam We don't have a fax machine.

1:18:17 Drew Where are we? Who's going to pick the email up?

1:18:19 Adam We don't have an email.

1:18:20 Drew Yes, you will.

1:18:23 Adam Love Love Line and earthlink.net.

1:18:25 Drew Melissa, email it to us at love line at earthlink.net. Okay, we will. We'll post it in the room here. You got that?

1:18:31 Adam No, we're not going to do that.

1:18:32 Drew Oh, Ann's writing me something.

1:18:35 Adam We got a fax number? We don't need it.

1:18:37 Drew All right, if you want to fax it to us, it's 323-931. 931. Hold on.

1:18:43 Adam I just have to get a fax machine, you idiot.

1:18:46 Drew Ask Melissa. Ask her. Melissa? Computer or fax machine or both?

1:18:52 Caller Computer.

1:18:55 Adam Do you ever get tired of being wrong?

1:18:57 Drew Not really.

1:18:57 Adam Ever get tired of it.

1:18:58 Drew It's so much fun being wrong. Do you ever get tired of being wrong? It makes you feel so good because it makes you right if I'm wrong.

1:19:03 Adam Just let her use her goddamn computer and give us the F in email.

1:19:06 Drew Loveline at earthling.net. Right?

1:19:08 Adam There you go.

1:19:08 Drew Address it to Chris.

1:19:09 Adam And by the way, this will be the only one. I don't want the rest of you, yeah, who's emailing us. I've not read an email in nine years. I'm not going to start.

1:19:18 Drew Yeah. Well, even if they send them.

1:19:21 Adam You would need them. You're empty. It will land on empty eyes and empty ears and your empty request. All right, Drew, where are we?

1:19:32 Drew Moving forward?

1:19:34 Adam No. Kendall.

1:19:37 Caller Hey, how's it going? Good. I want to talk about why does Seattle have such a bad heroin problem? Because Kurt Cobain and Elaine Staley from Alice in Chains died also in the two years on the same day as Kurt Cobain. And yet all the other bands from Seattle and just people in general, it seems like there's a really bad problem here in Vancouver and Portland. Why this area, Pacific Northwest, is what I want to know.

1:20:01 Adam You think the weather has something to do with it?

1:20:03 Drew Well, I think the weather can add to something called seasonal affective disorder. But the heroin acts I've dealt with from the Pacific Northwest, that did not play a big role. I would put it more...

1:20:13 Adam How do you know when it plays a role?

1:20:16 Drew Because the kinds of problems I'm seeing are not seasonal affective disorder. They're more personalized. It's more surviving hippie parents.

1:20:23 Caller Oh, wow. That's a good point.

1:20:24 Drew Really? Yep. It's more having a sort of a non-parenting sort of... Not just hippie parents, but sort of uninvolved parents or just abandoning kinds of parents and so on.

1:20:38 Caller Well, one of my friends' brother got into heroin and got hepatitis. I didn't see from a dirty needle. And they had really involved parents, so I wonder if it's like heroin mainly comes from Mexico or like Afghanistan area. So it's been like, how about like California compared to Seattle or LA compared to Seattle? How are they ratio-wise with heroin usage?

1:21:01 Drew I don't know the numbers off the top of my head. We got plenty of heroin addicts down here, I'll tell you for sure. And there was certainly a romance to it up there. You know, the whole grunge movement had a kind of a, you know, that scene had a feel to it. And so there was some sort of reinforcement of going in that direction. So I think I think it's a confluence of factors. I think that the culture sort of supported it. I think there were a lot of kids who were depressed, but I think more often than not, they came from, in my experience, pretty, pretty messed up family system.

1:21:26 Adam Well, also, when you have it's like, why are all the roaches in the same apartment? Well, when you have a few, then you're going to have more. I mean, anytime you have somebody doing heroin, oftentimes the people around him, his friends, I mean, it can it'll spread out. I mean, so so wherever it's thickest, it will attract it'll attract others.

1:21:50 Drew Yeah, it's true, too.

1:21:51 Adam So, I mean, there's there is that culture to it. There's also a pretty big port there. I don't know what that means in terms of shipping stuff in from places it may. I don't you know, as far as drug smuggling goes, I know a lot of stuff comes in from Mexico. But if it's coming in from Afghanistan or the Middle East somewhere, is it coming? Is that the port that it lands on first? Who knows?

1:22:12 Drew You know, in my Portland experience, people I've dealt with that came from Oregon, usually that's that is a major league pot smoker who has some trauma history. The pot stops working and they graduate to other things. And perhaps because of the culture, you know, down here, they switch to speed. Up there, maybe they head towards opiates.

1:22:32 Adam Now, what's Courtney Love into these days? She is all, oh, well, now, Drew knows something because he's did the mmm. He just said, I don't know. You think he didn't know, but he gives it mmm. And then it's like, all right, now he knows something. Well, here's the thing. It's not heroin, is it?

1:22:53 Drew I don't know.

1:22:57 Adam Drew, you're really even in a you learn nothing from your acting experience with the Olsen Twins, did you?

1:23:04 Drew Nothing.

1:23:05 Adam Well, do you know something? Well, you drew must know something. I can't figure. I mean, I've checked off pot for some reason. I've checked off heroin just because she seems to animate it into out and about. I mean, now, maybe you can do heroin and be manic and that'll counteract that. But to me, when you're doing heroin, you want to be left alone. You don't want to do Letterman and then go do a concert afterward and then get up a new Howard Stern, you know, doesn't that doesn't feel like heroin to me. It just feels like a mixture of prescription stuff and it doesn't seem boozy either because she doesn't seem, she doesn't seem sloppy or or mush mouth, you know, and it doesn't have that booze feel to it. So we booze and I'm moving past heroin, I'm getting to a mixture of prescription drugs. I'm getting into like your, you know, your sort of Elvis type thing, which is at night you knock yourself down with some Valium S stuff and then in the morning it's the Oxycontin and that kind of stuff, whatever it is. And I don't know, I'm just watching her, but the wheels are coming off that wagon. And as far as her and like Whitney Houston and stuff, these people need to seek themselves a little bit of help.

1:24:30 Drew Well, Whitney did, she stayed for three days.

1:24:32 Adam All right, I just...

1:24:34 Drew By the way, let's just be clear, let's talk about Whitney. That kind of a problem, six months of treatment may be helpful, may be helpful.

1:24:42 Adam Yeah.

1:24:42 Drew A week, two weeks, nothing, zero.

1:24:45 Adam Well, what about three days, so that's good.

1:24:47 Drew Negative, zero. But she'll find a spiritual advisor to take care of.

1:24:52 Adam It's your spiritual advisor, that's all you need.

1:24:55 Drew By the way, if any of that would really be curative or remittive for drug addiction, of course we would use it. We do use it to a certain extent.

1:25:04 Adam Spiritual advisors.

1:25:04 Drew We do use that kind of thing as a piece of a multiple disciplinary team. It's not just me even, a physician is not enough with that disease. You need about six different professionals from different disciplines working for many months to get somebody into recovery with this stuff.

1:25:21 Adam But, you know, you turn on Entertainment Tonight and they're like, oh, it's Britney Spears. Well, hey girl, we wish you well. I know you're going to, you know, she's still got a lot of good in you. You just got to keep on fighting. You keep your head up. Oh, like they don't even know how to begin to address this kind of stuff. They don't even know this. It's all over like Access Hollywood and Entertainment Tonight. It's the Courtney Love stuff, the Whitney Houston stuff, and all they can think is, well, if we interview other celebrities and then other celebrities give them sort of votes of confidence and well wishes, you know, like, oh, yeah, Courtney. And they don't even know what to call it. They're always like the erratic star. You know, they do this kind of stuff. And it's like, hey, we wish her well. They never even begin to scrape.

1:26:12 Drew No, not even not even to discuss the framework of reality. Not even a brush with it. It's all just BS.

1:26:22 Adam Right.

1:26:22 Drew But people tired of that.

1:26:24 Adam What if one of them? Well, you got one of the cast members from Friends wishing you well. Oh, that's all.

1:26:30 Drew That's all.

1:26:31 Adam If you're junkie, that's all you need. But at least a Kudrow giving you a little thumbs up.

1:26:37 Drew Maybe I am completely off base on this. But I understand that people don't want to watch things or see things that are depressing. But do they really want to watch just total BS? Does that mean total misrepresentation of reality or no representation of reality?

1:26:53 Adam Really?

1:26:53 Drew People want that?

1:26:54 Adam No, I think more.

1:26:55 Drew I think they want more.

1:26:56 Adam Really?

1:26:57 Drew I think so. I think more people than that.

1:26:59 Adam Drew, you give it to them from deep, deep cable. I will, believe it. Dr. Drew will do a 12-minute chat. I would be happy to do that. He will talk to the widow of C. Everett Coop. Is he going to be his first show?

1:27:20 Drew Is he gone?

1:27:20 Adam I don't know. He should be gone. Well, first off, the guy looked like he was on the cover of the Kansas album, number one. Anybody with the beard with no mustache, if you ain't Amish, you better be in the ground because you should have died at least 100 years ago, according to my watch. Let's take ourselves a break. We'll be right back.

1:27:46 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

1:28:03 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew disgusted at the media.

1:28:09 Drew Disgusted.

1:28:11 Adam Cannot.

1:28:11 Drew And I'll be giving you the truth from deep, deep cable.

1:28:14 Adam Deep cable. If you have a cable box, a Sherpa Guide.

1:28:21 Drew You might find me.

1:28:22 Adam Provisions, one of those Gore-Tex suits, you know, the ones that the Sub-Zero suit. And enough time, you can find Drew on deep, deep, deep, deep, deep cable one day soon. And there you will find the truth, my friend. Yes?

1:28:42 Drew Yeah, it's worth looking for.

1:28:43 Adam Explain about the truth, Drew. You don't just flip on NBC and find it at prime time.

1:28:50 Drew That's true. That's why it makes the worthwhile message that much more satisfying. Chelsea, 13. What's up? Yeah. What's going on, Chelsea?

1:29:00 Caller Hello.

1:29:01 Drew This is where you speak and Adam sleeps.

1:29:04 Caller Hey, this is a question. And this is for my mom's friend Lizard and Mac Farland. Is it true that every 60 or 90 minutes when a guy is sleeping, he obtains an erection and why did why did they do that?

1:29:18 Adam Well, so when a guy is sleeping, he has like if he sleeps on his belly, he puts like pressure on his groin and his penis becomes engorged and means he becomes too massive and it has blood in it. And then sometimes they'll have something called a nocturnal emission. And that means he has stuff other than weewee come out of his in the middle of the night. When you stop speaking and that cadence, I know every 13 year old girl does. I know Drew soon.

1:29:55 Drew Oh, they start your dollars. I don't know.

1:30:00 Adam I see hell boy. I think they just punch every fifth word. So you understand. It's like, I don't know. I hate you. Money? This is what, you just hear the big beats, right? You don't need every word.

1:30:23 Drew No, they don't need to hear that.

1:30:24 Adam You don't need all those ands and us and theys and where and all that, it's just nonsense. You focus on the big beats. The virginity, the college, the money, the car, that kind of stuff.

1:30:45 Drew And I'm a lesbian. And I'm a lesbian. And I'm a lesbian. And I'm a lesbian. And I'm a lesbian. And I'm a lesbian. And I'm a lesbian. And I'm a lesbian. 15 to 15-year-old buddies will have the same thing during the day, too.

1:31:04 Adam Josh?

1:31:08 Drew Sleeping?

1:31:09 Adam I don't know. Calling his name seemed to command some action out of him.

1:31:16 Drew Josh?

1:31:18 Adam He must have like, Huh? Josh. Josh, you woke up like a whale servicing for air. What's happening brother, were you asleep? Yeah. Oh man, cause you were on the air for like 15 minutes. Snoring. You heard you fart twice? Yeah, and you mentioned this dude's name in your sleep? It's kind of creepy. Yeah, you talk in your sleep. You brought up Steve. Is it a guy named Steve? Is he a friend of yours? Is it a family member?

1:31:56 Caller Uh, no.

1:31:57 Adam Yeah, I was just hoping. How about Dave? Cause you brought up Dave too.

1:32:04 Caller That didn't happen, dude.

1:32:05 Adam Yeah, it did.

1:32:06 Drew Okay, dude, you have 20 seconds for a question.

1:32:09 Caller I was just wondering how do you, how do you like cut down the smells, the smell from your genitals?

1:32:15 Drew The funk, are you circumcised?

1:32:16 Caller No, I mean, yeah.

1:32:18 Drew No, yeah. Adam, funk.

1:32:21 Adam I would say, listen, trim the pubes. Don't shave them, just trim them.

1:32:27 Drew All right.

1:32:27 Adam Because to me, you get behind one of those big guys with the dreadlocks at the airport and his head stinks.

1:32:32 Drew How about any talc, anything like that?

1:32:33 Adam Here's a guy with a shaved head, his never stinks, right?

1:32:37 Drew That's the point, hair, whole smell.

1:32:38 Adam Holds it like a sponge. Trim the pubes, dump some talc in before you head out, get a little ball powder under there. Shower yourself up, but that's not really gonna do anything. Give me, give me.

1:32:50 Drew Light sprinkling.

1:32:51 Adam Dump some of that dust, dust some of that ball powder down there before you hit the road. Take a quick break. Would you shut, that's my job. We'll be back.

1:32:59 Caller Alright guys, here's the deal.

1:33:00 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:33:04 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:33:05 Caller Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE.

1:33:09 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:33:10 Caller Everybody now!

1:33:46 Adam Well, that's the show, everybody. Take ourselves a little extendo break until tomorrow night. So, until then, this is Adam Krohler for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:00 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, April 4, 2004