Episode 1000602880698

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:00 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:06 Voiceover That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:12 Addiction blah, blah, blah, blah.

1:15 Adam Oh, man. Hey, Drew, you sitting down? I'm sitting down. Preble in the Middle East. No. Yeah.

1:20 Drew Really?

1:21 Adam Yeah.

1:22 Drew It's been so quiet.

1:23 Adam Oh, I know. Such a utopia over there. I guess they blew up the leader of Hamas. It was already in a wheelchair.

1:31 Drew He was?

1:33 Adam It's just, the point is it's now, according to Palestine, game on. So look out.

1:40 Drew But before?

1:41 Adam Oh, they carved themselves out a little utopia. So cancel the vacation plans, Drew.

1:48 Drew To Jerusalem?

1:49 Adam Yeah, I was going to go to Tikrit this summer.

1:53 I hope they're ruined, it'd be a nice place to head back to.

1:55 Adam I'm scrapping those plans now. Trouble in the Middle East. Here's the thing. Can't judge, cannot judge. They're the same. They're the same as any European nation. Same as us, the same. Can't judge, can't judge. They're great and we cannot judge. And by the way, you know it's fun, you know it's funny to do is watch, you know what's funny? Watch Saturday Night Live from like 1978. Watch the news. Watch Chevy Chase and Jane Curtin do the news. Trouble in the Middle East. Watch the news from about 30 years ago everybody. Same thing. Usually starts off a little trouble in the Middle East. It's not the people though. Here's a couple of things I've learned. It's not the people, it's never the people. Everyone's the same. Everyone's just as good as everyone else. And number two, we cannot judge. There's no judging. Drew, are you judging?

2:48 Drew Never.

2:48 Adam Don't judge. It could just as easily be Denmark and Sweden going at it. Just as easily. You cannot judge. You understand? Could be us in Canada.

2:59 Drew They had their time by the way.

3:02 Adam I'm sure a thousand years ago. Here's the point. Cannot judge. And I'm sure they'll have to solve it.

3:08 Drew Well, how do we solve the problem?

3:08 Adam They'll have it all ironed out.

3:09 Drew You tell us. You're the genius.

3:11 Adam You want me to tell? Okay, you want to know how it goes? Here's how it goes. Palestine is like a roommate that you've woken up a couple of times and he's been standing over your bed masturbating with a butcher knife. Yeah, that's what Palestine is. Palestine's that roommate.

3:28 Drew What's Israel?

3:29 Adam Israel is the roommate that sleeps and wakes up and sees the guys beating off, holding the knife. Now, Israel, Israel is saying, hey, I'm not moving. I put the cleaning deposit down. That's my cleaning deposit. This is my apartment. I let you stay here and now you want, you think I'm gonna move? Here's what Israel has to do. You're gonna get stabbed while you're asleep. And then aft. Move out. Just move out.

3:57 Drew Just get out.

3:58 Adam Just get out. Who cares? They got their own sort of retarded religion. I mean, let's face it. It's two retarded religions. It's Clash of the Tards.

4:05 Drew Where's the Israel move? Apartment of the Street?

4:08 Adam No, you know my feeling. Baja. Plenty open land there. God knows the Mexicans could use a couple of Jews to get that economy back on its feet. See what I'm saying? Yeah. Well, look at, you know, Mexico needs Jews. If you really think about like the one thing they're missing, it's Jews. They need a dusting of Jews. Do you know what I'm saying? Think about Mexico. Really think about, think about its strengths. Think about its weaknesses. Just say to Drew, stop, stop.

4:38 Drew Pretend you're not on the radio. If there's any group you haven't defended in all this.

4:42 Adam Pretend you're not on the radio.

4:43 Drew I'm pretending.

4:44 Adam Think about Mexico's strengths and weaknesses.

4:46 Drew Yes.

4:48 Adam Little bit, little dusting of Jew.

4:51 You know as soon as this mic shuts off, you know I'm right. All right, I'm saying.

4:56 Adam Look, here's what it is. Palestinians got their own retarded religion. Jews got their own retarded religion. And they're just gonna beat each other's brains out for a few thousand years.

5:06 Caller It's good times.

5:06 Adam But here's the point. Palestinians, that part of the world they want to go at it. So there's no, it doesn't matter. You know, concessions, whatever. And they talk about here's what we need, here's what we need, here's what we need. But whatever you give them, if someone wants to fight, they want to fight, right? All right, they want to fight. Obviously they want to fight or they wouldn't be fighting. Yeah? It's gonna work itself out. The point is great folks, great, great, delightful people, a beautiful breed, and we cannot judge. We cannot judge. We cannot judge. It's, everyone is the same. Just never forget that we can never judge. Priscilla? You're 17? Yeah, it's just a matter of days before those kids are back up on their feet.

5:50 Drew I just wonder where this song going.

5:52 Adam Hold on a second, where's it going? Nowhere.

5:54 Drew Yeah, but it's getting worse, it's spreading.

5:57 Adam You want to see where it's going? Go back to 1974, see where it's going.

6:02 Drew I'm worried I'm gonna go back to 19, it's actually like 1610.

6:06 Adam It's just a bunch of people living in a big, dirt ashtray killing each other. It's just gonna never end, it's not gonna end. It just keep going. They're just stupid enough to dance. That's all. Again, we can't judge. Religion, it's a beautiful thing. It's a wonderful, positive, beautiful, positive, wonderful thing.

6:23 Drew It's never accounted for any misery in the beings.

6:24 Adam No, no. And if we didn't have the religion, imagine what kind of place this world would be living at. Us atheists, I'd just go home and stab my wife when they're asleep and have a ritualistic, you know, paint-helter-skelter with the blood on the mirror. You know, I'm an atheist. I can do whatever I want. There's nothing to stop me from killing.

6:43 Drew Slippers low.

6:44 Adam Who's to say what's right and what's wrong when you're an atheist? I love that retarded argument that the religious folks have with the atheists. Hey, everyone's at home. What's to stop you? What's to stop you from just killing your wife? What's to stop you from sacrificing your kid? Who's to say? Well, it's empirically wrong. Who's to say?

7:00 Caller What do you mean who's to say, you retard? You need some guy in sandals and a beard telling you everything? I say it, you idiot.

7:09 Adam Jesus Christ. Look, people don't kill their young. That's the command of nature, for the most part.

7:19 Drew No, I think that there was an aid in us at one time. Something like that was in us. That's why every Abrahamic religion is about fathers being killed by sons. Sons could be killed by fathers.

7:31 Adam Brothers killing brothers. You wanna know what the world would be like if there was atheists and how it would spin off its axis and there would just be murder and anarchy. Go down to Death Row, see what percentage of atheists you got on Death Row. Picture an atheist. Now picture the guys on Death Row. Atheists? Nope. Shocking. How come everyone behind bars for violent crimes, how come they're not all just exclusively atheist? I'm using your logic, right? They should all just be atheist. They have no God, no one judges, no one to judge them. They're free to do as they will. Doesn't work that way. Here's the bottom line. Atheists are smarter people. They're more evolved people. They don't do those sorts of things because they're more evolved, higher intelligence. So face it, religious people are dumber. And there's people in the Middle East, they're caveman dumb. I mean, there are thousands of generations from an evolutionary standpoint behind them. Let's face it. Please, how come no one talks about this? Priscilla?

8:34 Caller Yes?

8:35 Adam You got another call coming in?

8:37 Caller Um, yeah, I do.

8:39 Adam All right. You want to take that? Hang on a second.

8:44 Caller Four.

8:44 Yeah, four.

8:47 Adam Ron?

8:49 Yeah.

8:49 Adam What's happening?

8:53 Good.

8:53 Adam What's going on?

8:54 Not a whole lot, buddy.

8:56 Caller I got a question for you.

8:59 Adam What's up?

8:59 Caller This is for Kimball. Hey, what is your whole beef with junior colleges?

9:07 Adam Waste of everyone's time.

9:09 Drew Well, not only that, Ron is making the point vividly for us here about junior colleges.

9:14 Caller Hey, hey, hey.

9:16 Drew Do you smell something burning?

9:17 Caller I mean, yeah, I smell something burning.

9:18 Drew There's something burning here, guys. Hold on a second.

9:20 Adam Yeah, that's Ron's brain cells.

9:22 Drew By the way, the lights flickered on and off in here, too, around the...

9:25 Adam All right, well, listen, we got a small electrical fire going in the studio here, Drew. Come on, buddy. Don't worry about it. Hold on a second. It's too bad Westwood One's not on fire.

9:37 Drew Yeah, it really is.

9:38 Adam Remember that there was like eight years I was there praying that dump would burn down? Remember that? Now we got a nice studio and it's burning.

9:46 Drew What is that?

9:47 Adam All right, don't worry. What? Engineer Chris is on it.

9:53 Drew Don't, don't, don't pick your face up.

9:55 Adam Yeah, we're cool.

9:56 Drew What's it smell about?

9:57 Adam Well, listen, here's the, here's the, here's the thing. It smells synthetic.

10:01 Drew It smells like plastic.

10:02 Adam By the way, there's not, there's not a thing in the studio that's not made of plastic or some sort of DuPont fire, fire something, something, right?

10:08 Drew I mean, look, it's, it's hazy.

10:10 Adam This place would melt faster than it burned.

10:12 Drew Yeah, yeah.

10:14 Adam All right. So we're getting five kinds of brain cancer sitting there.

10:17 Drew That's what I'm talking about.

10:18 Adam It's all good. Yeah. As you know, I have environmental allergies.

10:21 Drew You, yeah. Molds.

10:24 Adam Killer molds. And then the fibers in the synthetic carpets also.

10:28 Drew Yeah.

10:28 Adam Those are another set of nut jobs we need to get rid of, by the way. Drew, don't worry about it.

10:34 Drew I can barely breathe.

10:35 Adam It's a little hazy in here. It is hazy, yeah. Something is obviously burning. I'm going to go with electrical fire.

10:41 Drew I would agree with you.

10:42 Adam Yeah. Producer Anne is in here. She's brought her nose.

10:45 Drew How hazy it is in here?

10:47 Adam You can see smoke. Well, Chris is on it. Chris, what do you got, buddy? Chris went out, took a leak, and he came back. You forgot why he left. I was the fire department. Oh, please. Scott Mason.

11:00 Drew I'm not on fire and smoke. I can't breathe.

11:03 Adam You can breathe. Come on. What is with your hypochondria?

11:06 Drew Breathe, is what I'm saying.

11:07 Adam Let's go. Just turn the air on. Let's suck it up. Yeah, we're cool. It's no problems. All right. Ron over here was saying something.

11:15 Drew He was proving the point about the JC. He's making it.

11:17 Adam Yeah, I think he's just stoned and wanting to talk.

11:19 Drew Well, yeah, and?

11:20 Adam Ron? All right, so you want to know why I bag on junior colleges?

11:27 Caller Yeah, yeah, what's the deal?

11:28 Adam All right. I'm putting Ron on the phone because it's like, I can hear him thinking. He thinks a lot, you know? Okay, here's the thing about junior colleges. A good concept, but not really if you think about it. It's really a place, it's purgatory for bad high school students who don't want to get jobs. And Drew doesn't want to pass judgment because Drew was one of these chosen one types, silver spoon types, went to a nice college. I went to junior college, along with a lot of my loser friends. I know what this is. This is your horrible student in high school and all of a sudden you now have a place you can go where it's like high school, they don't take attendance. No one calls your folks when you don't show up. You just kill time there. It's made for-

12:11 Drew What was supposed to be for adults, right?

12:13 Adam Here's what it's made for. Junior college is made for people who come from other countries to this country, who want to either learn English as a second language or continue their education or get certified in this country and whatever they were certified in in their country. People who are serious, not slack or dropout losers who were stoners in high school, are gonna continue their crappy student lives. You guys should be going to work or joining the military. There's a reason you're not in college. It's cause you're a bad student.

12:46 Drew Right.

12:46 Adam All right. Oh, and nurses.

12:49 Drew Nursing is good. Junior college has good nursing training.

12:52 Adam I don't know that.

12:53 Drew Yes, they do.

12:54 Adam Okay. Here's all I know. If you want to enter some sort of program that takes a year or two, that it's just a fast track program for something, fine. You just go in there, playing a little hacky sack, a little co-ed this and take a little general that, you'll just be floating around for six years before your stepmom boots you out of the garage. That's basically how it works. All right, waste of time. Meanwhile, we're subsidizing it and everyone looks at it as something noble. Where are you going? Oh, you're continuing your education. What are you, continuous stoner?

13:23 Caller You got stoned your senior year. You never did anything.

13:26 Adam That's why you're going there. There's a big pack of losers. And by the way, they just sit around and plot against the man.

13:33 Drew Yeah.

13:33 Adam Everyone there's angry. They're all cast offs, they're all losers. No one can make it. The faculties are losers.

13:38 Drew So therefore, it must have nothing to do with their responsibility in the whole situation.

13:44 Adam Yeah. Everyone just sits there and complains about the government. That's basically, unless it's a democratic government in there in which they just sit there and complain about their family. Priscilla? And they get people like my mom who go to the goddamn choir practice there. They've been there for 30 years. And then I got to go to all the stupid choir shows and the bake sales and that sort of things and ah, ah.

14:09 Drew Your life is miserable.

14:09 Adam Priscilla?

14:10 Drew I'm so sorry.

14:11 Adam Thank you.

14:12 Drew Priscilla? Just go ahead, go ahead. We've tried four times to start with Priscilla.

14:18 Adam Once a month, I try to take a sip of water and it never worked. It's me going, caller go ahead. And then I lean back and take a sip of water and I hear dead air for a good five count. Now I got to spit my water out and lean forward. Really? That's it?

14:30 Caller I'm thinking to continually blah, blah, blah, blah.

14:34 Adam Continuously move my mouth or nothing will happen. I just want to take a sip of goddamn water.

14:39 Drew Priscilla.

14:40 Adam All right, I'm done with you. Get out of here. Screw balls or stupid phone. Megan? Priscilla, hang up if you're listening. I'm done with you. Megan, go ahead. What's up?

14:52 Caller I was just sent to a short term mental ward, I guess you could call it.

14:58 Drew Hang on one second, Megan. Priscilla, so her question was her belly button ring is still red and irritated after one year and the fact is that's a ring that's rejecting, so you gotta take it out, it's never gonna get better. Good, you're having a rejection reaction. Megan, so you were in a hospital, psychiatric hospital.

15:11 Caller Yeah, I was actually, I wasn't trying to commit suicide, but I had carved on my arm, I guess that's part of the reason why I was there, and for drug abuse and anger.

15:23 Drew And you don't think that's a reason to be put in a hospital?

15:26 Caller No, no I do, but I don't think that I should have been sent there because I didn't really do anything.

15:32 Drew Other than cutting on yourself and doing drugs.

15:34 Adam But you're not being sent there as punishment, you're being sent there because you're very self-destructive.

15:39 Drew Yeah, the signs, the things you were doing are very dangerous and a sign of severe, severe emotional distress. What do you think the hospitals are for?

15:48 Caller Well, no, I know that they're, I know that they had a good cause, but I didn't, I seriously don't think I had depression, because it was only like a one-time thing.

15:58 Adam All right, well, look, Megan, you're 13, so you don't know anything. So what do you want?

16:02 Caller I just wanted, well, every day they make you talk to a psychiatrist person, you know? And I was, I guess I was diagnosed with depression, so they put me on antidepressants, but I'm really against using those.

16:14 Adam Why?

16:14 Caller I don't know, I just, I just don't believe in using them.

16:17 Adam Well, look, you don't have well-formed thoughts. You're not supposed to. Here's the thing, Megan, you got a lot of energy, but you don't have a lot of reason, you know? You're against this, you don't believe in that. You think you're an unjustly that, and then when someone says why, you say just because. It's because you're 13, and that's fine. You're in the seventh grade. You're not supposed to have any.

16:37 Caller I'm in the eighth, but you know.

16:39 Adam Oh, all right.

16:40 Drew Way off, Adam, way off. How dare you?

16:42 Adam I made a mistake. Anyway, I'm sorry. What's your question? Look, I'm a big enough man to admit when I'm wrong.

16:49 Drew Have you stopped the anger outbursts?

16:51 Caller Yeah, actually I have.

16:53 Drew Have you stopped cutting on yourself? Have you continued taking the Selexa?

16:57 Caller Yeah.

16:58 Drew Don't you see, hang on, Megan, don't you see a correlation there between the treatment you receive?

17:03 Caller Well, I haven't been on the pills very long.

17:06 Drew And how long have you been stopping these behaviors?

17:09 Caller Actually, I just got out last week.

17:12 Drew Okay.

17:12 Caller Last week.

17:13 Drew Now, what I can tell you is, if you know, stopping your treatment, you'll go right back where you started from because there's nothing to take you out of that state. You were in a really very severe situation that has life-threatening implications. It's not up to you really to decide what you should and shouldn't be doing at that point. You should, if you know, if you wanted to engage in some other form of treatment, that's fine. Maybe, you know, see a therapist, and then somebody else take you off. Now, you make decisions about that.

17:42 Adam I think, you know what I think, Magnetization is to break it down now. Let's go, Megan. Break it down now. Grab a knee.

17:49 Caller Don't sit on your helmet.

17:51 Adam It's not a chair.

17:52 Caller That helmet's not a chair.

17:53 Adam Now, break down. Now, get a hand in.

17:55 Caller Let's go now. Now, take those meds now. Take that Selexa. You listen to your psychiatrist. You know what I'm saying? Come on, people love you, baby. Let's go now. Get a hand in, all right? Let's go now. You're 13. You ain't that smart. You're a fool of yourself. Stop watching a goddamn cable pick up the Bible. Take the meds.

18:14 Adam Looking good. Looking good. All right.

18:17 Caller All right.

18:17 Drew There are alternative treatments, but don't not get treated because the symptoms you were having suggest really severe and potentially life-threatening problems.

18:25 Yeah.

18:25 Adam Let's talk to Mike. Mike's 18. Let's go Mike's get a hand in now.

18:32 Caller Break it down now. This girl has herpes. Oral or vaginal now get a hand in.

18:43 Caller This girl I want to get with now she has.

18:45 Caller Oral or vaginal get a hand in.

18:51 This girl I want to get with now she has.

18:53 Adam Oral or vaginal get a hand in now.

18:56 Drew Which is it? Which is it Mike?

18:58 She has herpes.

19:00 Caller Oral or vaginal let's get a hand and break it down.

19:03 Drew Which is it?

19:03 Caller That helmet's not a chair gentlemen. Grab a knee now.

19:06 Drew Which is it Mike?

19:08 Caller Vaginal. Only took nine times before he said it. First, the first 11, nothing. The twelfth one, herpes. Yeah. All right, nervous, not smart, not listen. Potential genital, let's get a hand in now.

19:29 Adam What's happening now Mike?

19:30 Caller All right, I have a question.

19:32 This girl, I'm gonna get with her.

19:33 Caller Got an inquiry.

19:34 She has herpes.

19:37 Caller Herpes now, there's a revelation now. Get a hand in, oral or vaginal?

19:43 Vaginal.

19:44 Caller Vaginal herpes, moving in the right direction slowly, but moving.

19:50 Caller Okay, I wanna know if I can actually get with her.

19:53 I mean, I've had sex before, but not with anybody who has herpes.

19:56 Caller Had intercourse, not an infected victim. What do you say, Drew? Put the condom on, still not 100%.

20:07 Drew Definitely don't wanna be screwing with her when she has an outbreak.

20:11 Caller Okay, no sexy on the outbreak, eh? Hell, it's not a chair.

20:16 Drew How about what? How do you know that? You don't know that for the problem.

20:20 Caller Gotta take a word for it.

20:22 Drew Sometimes, what?

20:24 Should I not get with her then?

20:27 Drew I think we can't answer this question.

20:28 Caller No one said not to get with her.

20:30 Drew I just said that there's no foolproof way to prevent the transmission. And if you have sex with her-

20:38 Caller Only guarantees.

20:40 Drew During an outbreak, even with a condom, you will probably get it. And sometimes bring it, what did you call it the other night when you bring in some new material, re-exposure?

20:50 Caller Can't remember. Drink after each show. Or race head like at your sketch.

20:57 Drew That sometimes when a person is exposed to someone who has herpes, it sort of causes an outbreak and then you get it. So there you go.

21:07 So even though if I use a condom, then there's no way I can get it right.

21:12 Drew What do we just waste all of our time saying?

21:14 Adam Here's the thing. Have sex with her, use a condom and do it when she's not having an outbreak. That's going to be your best chance.

21:26 Caller He's not worked.

21:27 Drew Yeah.

21:28 Adam Mike, are you working?

21:29 Drew Yeah.

21:30 Adam Where are you working?

21:32 Caller Albertsons.

21:33 Adam Good man. What are you, you're doing some night stocking?

21:36 Caller I just do the, right now I'm a cash register.

21:39 Drew Right now.

21:40 Adam You work in the register?

21:41 Caller Yeah.

21:42 Adam That's pretty good work, right?

21:43 Caller Yeah.

21:44 Drew No, it's not. 18, no way.

21:47 Adam Oh yeah, I know, I know. What's up?

21:48 Drew He's bagging.

21:49 Adam You're bagging, right? You're actually working the scanner? Uh-huh.

21:56 Drew We didn't hear it. All right, whatever he said.

21:58 Adam Is that got great, that got good unions.

22:01 Drew Imagine, yeah, well, we just saw a big old strike.

22:03 Adam We had a big strike down here. When I was, I was probably out of high school, I tried to get a few times to get a few. There was that thing, that was a dream gig, by the way.

22:14 Drew The night stocking job was the one, yeah.

22:15 Adam Or just any supermarket gig was like, well, you start off at like $7.75 an hour and then you join the union and I was like, oh my God. You got to understand for the Corollas. I was looking for dental insurance and $10 an hour. I mean, like the union stuff, like, oh, I used to hear about that. I never was in any unions, but I used to hear about that union stuff, like, you know, whatever, working, building sets or carpentry or braggers, wherever, it was like $21.75 an hour. And then you get golden time after you get time and a half after, and then you get two paid vacations, two paid weeks, a year, and then you got a dental and medical, and it was like, oh my God.

22:57 Drew How does that happen?

22:58 Adam Oh my God, I get $11 an hour, they take taxes, I don't get no benefits, you know, like, oh, it's like, this is crazy talk. Yeah, the guys who were in unions were like celebrities. Yeah, hey, good times. Now, literally a millionaire, literally.

23:14 Drew And no unions. Yeah. Break it down.

23:16 Adam Wait a minute, I think I'm in a union.

23:18 Drew Oh yeah, that's right.

23:20 Adam By the way, it's the union that gets mad at me for talking smack about them and not being loyal. It's like, it's really, it's like, it's like the SLA being mad at Patty Hearst for not being loyal. It's like they kidnap you, they rape you, they take your money, they force you into the trunk of the car of their union. And then they're like, how dare you speak disparagingly. What am I looking at? Disparagingly. Disparagingly against us. It's like, I don't want to join your crappy union. Yeah, it's great. It's one of those things. Think about the actors, just a bunch of, a bunch of, okay. All right, let's move forward here.

23:54 Drew Yes, move on. You've offended every major group of people.

23:59 Adam Screw all of you, that's all I'm saying.

24:01 Drew Yeah, don't leave anybody out, Adam.

24:02 Adam That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

24:04 Drew Everybody.

24:05 Adam SAG, AFTRA, what are we in for the radio?

24:08 Drew AFTRA.

24:08 Adam AFTRA. It's really, it's extortion, everybody. Costs like a few thousand dollars. They just take it out of your paycheck. And then they're like, hey, how about supporting your union? SAG does this. They all do it. And they, you know, they send you stuff like, hey, we're voting. Hey, the guy from Highway to Heaven is running against Melissa Sue Gilbert this year for treasurer.

24:30 Caller Who gives a rat's ass?

24:32 Adam I didn't want to join your crappy union. You forced all of us, you extortionists.

24:37 Caller Please. And then it's like, oh, he went on Killborne and said bad things about us. Shut up, you pussies.

24:43 Adam Nobody wanted to, how many people would join your crappy union if we had a choice? Please. Just out of work commercial actors who suck. Thank you.

24:52 Drew It's not that bad. As unions go, think of what they do.

24:55 Adam Okay.

24:56 Caller Good health coverage.

24:57 Adam I will take a quick break. We'll be right back.

25:06 Caller As many as one in three Americans with HIV don't know it.

25:24 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Who's the engineer over at Westwood Two?

25:30 Drew Ken.

25:31 Adam Is that Ken?

25:33 Drew Yeah.

25:33 Adam Mr. Simon. That doesn't sound like Ken. All right, Ken. Well, let me, let's ratchet it up a notch, would you, Ken? Let's break it down, buddy. Because let me tell you something. When I get that three, two, one, go. That's how I come out of the gates.

25:55 Drew Yes.

25:56 Adam And when I get the three, two, one, you're off! Then I come out like gangbusters. Yes?

26:02 Drew Always. All right.

26:04 Adam Ken potted me down a lot. I was done listening.

26:07 Drew Yeah, he's.

26:09 Adam All right, buddy. All right, that's good. That's this one, that's one. And I want you to point, even though I'm not there. I want you to see a point, all right?

26:16 Drew There it goes. He did, yeah, he saw it, he saw it, he felt it.

26:18 Adam I got Brian over there. He tells me when people point, and more importantly, when people don't point. Of course.

26:25 Drew All right.

26:26 Adam We gotta move forward with these calls, Drew. Did I tell you about my plan, though?

26:29 Drew Which one, for Middle East?

26:31 Adam I had a plan. I'm done with the Middle East. Letting those retards just fight it out till they're all gone. Be great, then we make a giant ashtray, make a giant cat box out of the entire place. Here's the thing. Great people, though. Can't blame the people. Bad government. And we can't judge. Great ideas, huge great ideas. Wonderful. Anyway, just incredible religion. We can't judge. Beautiful, wonderful. Here's the point. God bless them. They're gonna do great. Those kids are gonna land on their feet. Another 100 years, they'll be fine. Driving home in traffic from LAX yesterday. Sitting in traffic about 3.30, 4 o'clock. LA, LA now.

27:11 Drew On a Sunday, right?

27:12 Adam Sunday, yeah. Sunday's traffic time too. So it's now traffic time all the time, I've realized. And I don't know what goes on in Los Angeles that we didn't do the math on the massive influx of illegal aliens and or other people just coming from other parts of the country into this country. The massive growth in this and how we've not done anything but fill occasional pothole or two and lay down a couple of miles of subway in the last 25 years. I don't know who's to blame for any of this stuff but it just seems like we got too many tards in there that are worried that, you know, we got these Maxine Waters types of the world that are worried about getting freeway off ramps, a name for ex-black leaders and not so much into mass transit stuff. Or I don't know, would they have their own like retarded agenda? Whatever it is, it doesn't seem to be realistic. And as you know, I have many ingenious and valid plans. Here's my newest. Everyone's complaining about the price of a gas going up. Everyone is outraged how it's, oh my God, it's $2.35 a gallon. Okay, here's my move. Kick it up to five bucks. Now listen, gas, five bucks a gallon. Here's what we need to do. Here's what, and then tell me if you disagree, Drew. Now actually shut your hole if you disagree. All right, just keep nodding. We need to thin the herd out on the highway a little. A few too many folks driving around with no license, no insurance and cars that got the four belts showing on all four tires. You know what I'm saying? Breaking down, unsafe, unskilled, undocumented, uninsured. And these are the guys that are overheating in the fast lane come rush hour and bottleneck in the whole goddamn freeway. Pump it up to five bucks an hour. Now, here's my deal with all the folks that can't pay five bucks an hour. Good. That's gonna cut a certain percentage of riff raff off the road. That extra 250 a gallon, all going into mass transit. It's all going into buses. It's all going into monorails. It's all going into everything.

29:27 Drew How about alternative energy sources?

29:28 Adam Alternative, it's going into everything transportation but cars. It's not gonna be widening freeways. We're not gonna be building more freeways. We're not gonna be doing double-deckers. It's just, we're gonna take 30% of the people that are on the road now, we're gonna pull them off the road. We're gonna put them in effective transportation, mass transportation, and we're gonna subsidize them. That extra 250 I'm paying a gallon, going right toward your free bus pass, going right toward your van pool, going right toward all of it. There it is. Then look, if you wanna drive-

30:03 Drew Utopia.

30:03 Utopia.

30:04 Adam And I'm one of the people that you and I, we may have to drive because we work at a different hour, we work at a different place, let's say. You'd have to drive in. Okay, here's the deal.

30:15 Drew We've got penalty.

30:15 Adam When you drive in tonight, your car gets 19 miles a gallon, the way you drive it gets four and a half miles a gallon. You know, 22 miles from whatever, it's gonna cost you $6 a round trip, extra whatever to get in and get back, and that's what it is. All right, so be it. Now, if you decide, well, I don't wanna pay that, then you're free to take the bus, which is an effective viable or the monorail or whatever, this huge surplus is going into. The more you drive, the more you subsidize the guy who ain't driving, who's leaving his car at home, who's taking the bus. And by the way, you know, you a-holes who wanna drive your Hummers around, you're really gonna be doing some subsidizing. Well, there it is.

31:02 Drew Good, good times, yeah.

31:03 Adam Any problems?

31:04 Drew Perfect.

31:04 Adam There you go. You wanna drive?

31:06 Drew Utopia.

31:06 Adam Would you pay? And Drew, I know the answer to this is, you're driving from your house to Santa Monica, it's gonna cost you an extra seven bucks. You'd get there an hour earlier, and you'd be that much more productive. The people who need to be that much more productive will be that much more productive. Yes?

31:23 Drew And you'll be giving back.

31:23 Adam And will not be gridlocking. Yes?

31:25 Drew Good times.

31:26 Adam We cool? Stop air pollution?

31:27 Drew Utopia.

31:28 Adam Cut down?

31:28 Drew Utopia.

31:29 Adam Cut down congestion, air pollution.

31:30 Drew Utopia.

31:30 Adam Yes?

31:31 Drew Utopia.

31:33 Adam That's it?

31:33 Drew All right.

31:34 Adam I thought of it. We're done. Are we done? No, it's never going to happen. That's just, Maxine Waters is going to argue until she's blue in the face with some other blow hard, loud mouth quack that's in government. Nothing ever happened. Fantastic. All right. Erin? You're 18?

31:53 Caller Uh-huh.

31:54 Adam What's up, baby doll?

31:59 Caller And I'm not going to keep it or anything, but I was wondering if there's, rather than getting like a medical abortion, if there was any sort of like, because I know that you can drink teas or something like that that will actually induce some miscarriage.

32:12 Adam Mm-hmm.

32:13 Drew What do you think the difference is between a miscarriage and an abortion?

32:15 Adam You have to put crushed glass in the tea.

32:17 Drew Yeah. The difference between a miscarriage and abortion.

32:22 Caller The difference?

32:23 Drew Yeah.

32:24 Caller I don't think there's that much of a difference.

32:26 Drew No, there's no difference. And don't you think that if there were ways to induce an abortion that...

32:33 Adam Through tea.

32:34 Drew Through tea or through magic or through spells. Don't you think that would be one of the...

32:39 Adam I mean, tea can heal PMS and it can abort.

32:42 Drew Right.

32:42 Caller And talk about range.

32:43 Drew Right, and treat your depression.

32:45 Adam Talk about a rangy beverage.

32:46 Drew Friend's strokes.

32:47 Adam Yeah, it's good things. Oh, it's, you know, wow, that, you know, it's the wisdom of the Middle of the East.

32:53 Drew And don't you think, Aaron, if there were some tea you could drink that would induce a miscarriage or abortion, doctors would just use that. Why would they want to use a medication if it's not necessary?

33:03 Adam Yeah. How about the fact that you probably wouldn't be able to buy it because there'd be a lawsuit the second somebody, somebody aborted without wanting to abort.

33:13 Drew So, Aaron.

33:15 Adam No, of course not.

33:16 Drew Of course not.

33:17 Adam So what can, what do you want to do? You're sure you're month pregnant? Yeah? Well, how about you go down to Planned Parenthood and see what's up?

33:30 Drew All right, good. There you go. It'll be fine. All right, good luck.

33:34 Adam All right, have a good time. You gotta be more careful.

33:35 Drew Think about adoption too. It's another possibility.

33:40 Adam Drew, my five buck a gallon thing. Utopia?

33:43 Drew Utopia.

33:44 Adam Gets 30% of people off the road. We don't need them all off. We gotta knock about 20, 25, 30% off.

33:50 Drew You could really be sophisticated about it, kid. You gotta get a bond first to build it all out before you jack the prices up so everything's in place. Pow, have a start date, pow.

34:00 Adam Yeah, and look at it this way.

34:02 Drew Pay the bond back, pay it off in like two months.

34:05 Adam Let me say this too. A lot of the people in this city that should be focusing on saving money for down payment, that should be buying a house or whatever, they're making a six, seven, $800 a month car payment. Then if you're talking about insurance, then if you're talking about gas and stuff on top of that.

34:24 Drew Lottery tickets at the gas station.

34:25 Adam They gotta buy those lottery tickets. You could be talking about $1,000 a month that should be going toward getting yourself a condo, house, whatever. I gotta run for something, Drew.

34:38 Drew It'd be good times.

34:39 Adam Jill?

34:41 Oh my God, am I on?

34:42 Adam Yes, you are.

34:45 I don't really have a problem, but I'd like to tell you guys that I'm obsessed with both of you.

34:49 Adam Both of us.

34:50 I've been hosting to the show for like a year, and I've been trying to call for like the past month, but I never got through. I love you guys so much, and yeah, I've always been trying to get on.

35:02 Drew Well, Jill, how you doing? Everything good?

35:04 Right now, yeah.

35:05 Drew School, everything going okay? You're eighth grade?

35:07 What?

35:08 Drew You're in eighth grade?

35:09 Oh, I'm in seventh grade.

35:10 Drew Seventh grade.

35:12 Adam We had a 13-year-old earlier. Drew always thinks they're older, and I always think they're younger, but we can always, the one consistent thing is we're both always wrong.

35:19 Drew Yeah, we're both always wrong.

35:20 Adam We had a 13-year-old, I said seventh, she was in eighth, now we got a 13-year-old, you say eighth, she's in seventh.

35:25 Drew There you go. But Jill, where are you living?

35:30 Adam I have a beautiful country, salt of the earth over there.

35:33 Drew Fantastic. Were you ever out in Los Angeles? Good, don't bother. Well, if you ever are, you gotta come visit us. But when you do come, plan to spend a lot of time on the freeway.

35:42 Adam Here's all you need to know about the difference between Indiana and Los Angeles, because Drew and I have done a little traveling. You go to Indiana.

35:49 Drew People are happy.

35:50 Adam You pull off the side of the road. You go into the 7-Eleven. You go into the gas station. You go, hey, could I use the bathroom? They go, sure, y'all, go ahead. It's right back there. And you go into Los Angeles. You go, can I use it?

36:03 Caller No, you cannot, no, it's out of order, no.

36:06 Adam That's basically what Los Angeles is, is you getting yelled at by people at work at gas stations, wherever they go, yeah. Here's your choice, either they yell at you or they don't understand you. They would yell at you if they were able to make out what you were saying. So stay there in Indiana where there's nice people letting you use the bathroom.

36:27 Caller Well, I went into the bathroom one time at a gas station and the bathroom was closed on a weekend, so I didn't get to go to the bathroom.

36:34 Adam Ooh.

36:34 Caller Yeah, they closed the bathroom on a weekend.

36:37 Adam Well, here, like the 76 station at the bottom of my hill, it's had a out of order sign on it for nine years. Seven, eight and a half years.

36:46 Drew Soapy, soapy, soapy water for the windshield.

36:50 Adam No, this place sucks. Yeah, just the abuse we get from the people at work at the gas station sucks. All right, Jill. Okay. Hey, but listen, God bless you, baby doll. And you'll be heading into the eighth grade soon. You got a boyfriend? You do? What's his name?

37:11 Caller Yeah. I've been going out with him for like five months.

37:15 Adam What's his name?

37:17 Caller Tommy.

37:19 Drew I like the sound of it.

37:21 Adam Tommy's good people.

37:23 Drew What's he, how would we say this?

37:25 Adam Is he an eighth grader?

37:27 Caller Yeah. No, he's an eighth grader. I don't know.

37:30 Adam No, that's okay. You're a little nervous. That's all right.

37:32 Caller I am really nervous because I love you guys.

37:36 Adam All right. What junior high you go to?

37:38 Caller I go to Washington Middle School.

37:40 Adam Yeah, that's good. Very generic. Jesus Christ.

37:43 Drew Middle of the country is so good.

37:45 Adam Well, it's just, this is bad. It's not that that's good.

37:48 Drew This is bad out here. Yeah. Really just- It's good because everyone's so pleasant and industrious and-

37:54 Adam Not really. They're just-

37:55 Drew No, they are.

37:56 Adam No, we're just, we've got a lot of mean people here.

37:59 Drew Out here.

37:59 Adam Like I said, just go to the gas station.

38:01 Drew I blame the roads.

38:02 Adam Go to the gas station. Try to use the bathroom in Los Angeles. Have fun, everybody. Go use the bathroom. See how that works for you. Yeah. See how that's going. See how that works. Give it a try. Report back to me. Come out to Los Angeles. Go to 76 stations, see if you can use the pot. See what happens. Beth?

38:20 Caller Yeah.

38:21 Adam You're 17?

38:22 Caller Yes, sir, I am.

38:24 Adam What's happening?

38:25 Well, first I would just like to say the man show now sucks.

38:29 Adam That's true.

38:30 I really miss you, Adam.

38:31 Adam Well, thank you.

38:33 So I lost my virginity to this guy.

38:37 Caller And, I don't know, it was just all confusing and weird.

38:42 And my friend was kind of seeing his friend or whatever. And then our other friend started sleeping with the guy that my friend was seeing. And then I moved clear across the country. And while I'm gone, I guess, my friend who, oh, it's so confusing.

38:58 Drew What's the question?

38:58 Caller My friend ended up sleeping with the guy that I slept with.

39:01 Drew All right, whatever, what's the question about it? It's a mess.

39:04 Should I like bust her out on it or anything?

39:07 Drew Where do they all live?

39:10 Washington.

39:11 Drew The state of Washington? And you're in New York?

39:15 Caller Yes.

39:16 All right.

39:17 Caller And I'm going back there in like 10 days.

39:18 Drew Why?

39:20 Why?

39:20 Drew Yeah, you moved to New York. Stay out of it, just don't go back.

39:25 Adam You know, my wife said to me tonight, my wife said, you want to hear some gossip? And I said, no, no. Too old. I don't want to. Here's what you learn. Let me please-

39:39 Drew You thought she couldn't resist. She told you though.

39:40 Adam She did. And let me try to impart some knowledge. And nobody, and you know, I have a great reputation for not, you know, I am working over at Kimmel. There's, you know, things going on. This guy's getting a promotion. This guy's moving on. This guy's doing this and this guy's doing that. It's always in the work environment. Here's the thing. I got the best reputation. I don't have people like Adam. I can trust you. It's more like I got two things. A, I forget. Two, I don't care. And then C, I don't have enough energy to really talk about people other than myself.

40:11 Drew Is that an energy thing or is that just, you don't care about people other than yourself?

40:14 Adam I could gossip about myself.

40:15 Drew Yeah.

40:16 Adam I like to gossip. Once in a while I'll do that. Did you hear what I did? Then I start giggling. No, you're going to tell me. I swear I won't. And then I make myself promise not to tell me. And then I giggle.

40:27 Drew You can't do it anyway.

40:27 Adam Well, because I got my fingers crossed behind my back. Of course. Here's the whole thing. This whole part where you're confronting, you're gossiping, you're calling people out, it takes about 30 years to figure this out. And I'm giving you guys a heads up early on. There's no upside for it. Here's the whole thing about the gossip part. And I know this isn't what she's talking about exactly.

40:48 Drew If you're involved in chaos, the better alternative? Get out.

40:52 Adam Yeah, just get out. Just get out. And when somebody tells you something about somebody else, don't say anything.

40:58 Drew Yeah, don't get involved.

40:58 Adam You want to know why? You get, here's the thing. You get punished for it. And there's no real good side. You're never a hero for blabbing about somebody. You know, so and so is getting a breast reduction. You know, all that kind of stuff. So and so is dating so and so. So and so is getting fired. So and so is getting hired.

41:15 Drew Whatever it is.

41:16 Adam Nothing.

41:17 Drew What do you tell her?

41:18 Adam Some work related stuff. And I really don't want to hear it. I'm not interested. And like I said, what's in it for me? That's what everyone needs to ask themselves. What's in it for you? Answer. Zero. Except for eventually, someone's going to find out, it's going to get traced back to you. You're going to look like an a-hole. Right. Everyone just shut your pie hole. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

41:38 Loveline, we'll be right back.

41:40 Adam We'll be right back. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LLV-E-191. Just belched up a little Indian food, Drew. Yeah.

42:04 Drew I look forward to that wafting over here in a minute.

42:06 Adam It's amazing. India, and you know how I always think that the food should be basically in step with how the country's doing economically? No bigger chasm between Indian food and the country. Meaning, you know-

42:22 Drew You like the food?

42:24 Adam No? No, no. Price. Here's what I'm saying. The average person who lives in India probably earns, you know, $9 a month. Meanwhile, you go do some Indian takeout for $2, it's $63. And it's super expensive.

42:42 Drew That's the food the aristocrats eat.

42:44 Adam I don't know what...

42:45 Drew That's a caste society still over there.

42:47 Adam I guess that's what it is. But I'll tell you, I don't know if you ever... You can't eat Indian because even though you're man... Ironically, man, exquisite passion, spicy food, it's not good for you.

42:59 Drew It's not great with me.

43:00 Adam Yeah. I think you would explode with passion.

43:04 Drew Yeah, maybe. Or you would divert me from my passion. It would be very disappointing.

43:08 Adam Trying to stuff TNT into a volcano. You know what I mean?

43:13 Drew It might put it out. But it would extinguish the whole thing.

43:16 Adam Yeah, it would blow it out like an oil, Derek. You're already bubbling over with passion. You couldn't... You know, you have to just... Drew lived one year on just cups of flour. Just with one of those sifters. Just sifted it right into his mouth. Trying to put the passion out. All right. Anyway, the point is Indian food, delightful, super crazy expensive. The probably the most just sort of like a takeout. Like you know, you think you go take sushi out, cost you 50, 60 bucks sometimes. Indian food, 65 bucks.

43:49 Drew Where the hell do you go for Indian food in your neighborhood?

43:52 Adam No, you got to drive.

43:53 Drew Takeout?

43:55 Adam You got to drive around.

43:56 Drew Wow.

43:56 Adam Yeah. We drove over to like somewhere in Studio City or something. Jessica? You're 17? What's up?

44:06 Caller I'm on ortho-tricyclin-low and I was also diagnosed with strep throat and they gave me the liquid penicillin.

44:16 Drew Liquid penicillin?

44:17 Caller Yeah. And I know that like when you're on antibiotics like penicillin, like the pill doesn't really work.

44:24 Drew Well, not typically penicillin.

44:26 Caller Not typically penicillin?

44:28 Drew Not typically penicillin. It's actually tetracyclines and the work called macrolides that typically do that, but penicillins could do that.

44:36 Adam So, is penicillin an antibiotic? Is it just like the first antibiotic?

44:41 Drew One of them, yeah.

44:42 Adam You just don't really, you just hear about penicillin and then you hear about antibiotics, you know.

44:49 Drew Antibiotic just means kills bacteria. That's all it means.

44:51 Adam Yeah.

44:52 Drew Doesn't kill viruses, kills bacteria.

44:53 Adam I assumed it was. You don't see the two.

44:56 Drew Or not even kills bacteria. You may just withhold their growth. Sometimes just stunts their growth.

45:01 Adam You just don't hear the penicillin and antibiotic put together. You know what I'm saying? It's its own thing.

45:08 Drew So anyway, you'll want to, typically you would finish out this pill, this packet, excuse me, with a condom and then we start the new next packet, you're okay.

45:18 Adam That's not Chris. He's not had a solid bowel movement.

45:21 Drew I knew you'd like that call.

45:22 Adam Yeah. Six years. Chris?

45:25 Caller Yes?

45:26 Adam Not had a solid bowel movement in six years?

45:30 Caller Well, yeah. Actually, yeah. Not really. Actually, when I'm irregular, I have a solid poo.

45:36 Drew When you're irregular?

45:37 Adam That's irregular. So, he's, you know, as often as you have diarrhea is as often as he has a solid poo.

45:44 Caller Yeah.

45:44 Drew Yeah. What kind of bowel?

45:46 Adam So, you got to go to Mexico, eat some of the street tacos, even get yourself a nice case of Montezuma's solid poo.

45:53 Drew Yeah. Do you have some sort of bowel problem, bowel disorder?

45:55 Caller Well, yeah, I actually went to my doctor like a few months ago, I mean, after the six years, but they told me I had Crohn's disease. And they put me on some pill called Prednisone, which really wouldn't like help with the diarrhea.

46:15 Drew But I mean, Well, listen, the diarrhea, if you have Crohn's, they do endoscopies on you and take biopsies and that sort of thing?

46:21 Caller I actually had a colonoscopy done on me.

46:23 Drew All right. So, that's it. You have Crohn's and Crohn's is a focal inflammatory bowel disease and Prednisone is an anti-inflammatory. And if you decrease inflammation, you will decrease the diarrhea. But Crohn's are rather devastating illness. People form fistulas and oh, it's just a mess. So, you want to be sure it's under control.

46:40 Adam And talking to a guy who's had a carbuncle near the A&I, I can tell you not a lot of sympathy from the young 20 something year old friends either. I mean, that's the double heartache of crowns.

46:54 Drew Comedy.

46:55 Adam Not only you blasting mud at your drawers all day long, you got a couple buddies laughing their ass off too.

47:02 Drew Yeah, it's a good time.

47:03 Adam Bad times. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

47:06 Caller Here it is. Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

47:09 Drew Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

47:14 1-877-889-DATE.

48:01 Adam Hey, Drew. You know what I'm about this close to doing, buddy?

48:10 Drew Ken, don't tempt this guy.

48:13 Adam He will do it.

48:13 Drew I swear to God.

48:14 Adam I'll drop trap.

48:14 Drew I swear to God he'll do it.

48:16 Adam Don't make me drop trap.

48:17 Drew I'll drop trap. I'll drop trap. I'll drop trap.

48:20 Adam I could tell you, but I have to kill you. 1108, eight minutes after 11. That's the other one they do. I forget about it too. We do the math. We do the math. We do the 736, it's 24 away from the top of the hour.

48:37 Drew So it's just the restating. 1108, that's eight minutes after the hour.

48:41 Adam That's the other good radio one. Here's the thing about radio. Anything not to formulate a thought.

48:47 Drew And to repeat and then take time.

48:49 Adam Yeah, because here's what radio is basically. Radio is like, look, we have marginally talented people that gotta kill four hours. What the hell are they gonna do? Well, here's something you can do. Yeah, when you say, when you say 807, say seven minutes after eight after that. And then you say 53 minutes away from the top of the hour. And then you keep back selling and you can talk about news and weather and weather news. And you never run out of anything to talk about. Yeah, it's great. That's great. I went over to, there used to be a guy who used to work in a city called the Nasty Man. It was this bald guy who, God did he blow. And Kayla Sacks, who does the talk out here, that, yeah, I don't know how they managed to take float. They've done a few, I guess, stern, they've done a few good things, but boy, they made some horrible calls. Just like super, super retard calls. They had The Nasty Man on for a while. And I went in the studio once and he had stuff just posted on his wall that he could look up at. And he'd go, just say like, your window to the world. And he'd just be looking around and go, it's Nasty Man, it's 708, it's eight minutes after seven, your window to the world, The Nasty Man. It's just five or six catchphrases in case you ever ran out of something to say, you just look up and you just see it.

50:16 Drew Oh boy.

50:16 Adam Yeah, it's good times.

50:17 Drew That is good times.

50:18 Adam Yeah, I'm sure he's working somewhere, maybe doing a little, you know, doing weddings, things like that, a little mobile DJ work. All right, you know the thing about KLSX, by the way? Wanted, they wanted to do a show with me and Jimmy, or I want to do a show. No, not gonna do it. Yeah, yeah, it's genius. Yeah, got the nasty man, Kimmel and Corolla, no.

50:44 Drew I'm a talent there.

50:45 Adam Yeah, I'll tell you, those radio programmers, genius. Boy, there's some sharp guys. Very, very sharp fellas. Super smart. You think TV guys are stupid? Think how stupid radio guys must be. You know what I'm saying, Drew?

50:59 Drew They're stupid enough to be in this business, which is a pretty good business.

51:03 Adam Yeah, you know why? Because there's no competition. You're only competition from other idiots. So all you gotta be is the top idiot. Yeah, on this station, on K-Rock, they wouldn't put me and Kimmel on together. I remember them telling me, the program director at this station or the general manager told me Kimmel wasn't on air material. There's a behind the scenes man. Good writer, you know, good producer, not a personality. And who knows, he may still be right. We don't know.

51:41 Drew Don't judge, cannot judge.

51:42 Adam Cannot judge. Shannon?

51:45 Yeah, hi.

51:46 Adam What's happening, baby doll?

51:48 Well, I actually heard your comment about the gossip, and I do agree that it is ridiculous, but it actually does serve as a function. And pre-adolescence, like, well, I go to UCSD, and I'm a developmental psychology major, and I just went through all this adolescent stuff. So I just learned that actually teenagers will use gossip to kind of feel each other out, to check their beliefs with each other. So actually, it's kind of a developmental stage as you get older. So that 17-year-old that's all about the gossip, it's actually like part of her. Like that's kind of-

52:26 Drew No, no, Shannon, what we actually said was that it is like children to be that caught up in gossip. And then, which is the case, and that children use that sometimes as a way of sort of gaining esteem amongst their peers too. And what you guys didn't hear is Adam and I continued our conversation off the air, and we started talking about how women use gossip as a way of getting a group together and then shunning one. Women continue to shun just the way, believe it or not, other primates do. And men have essentially no shunning instincts. They just don't do that.

53:03 Well, because they're using physical aggression, wouldn't you say?

53:06 Drew I would say because the brain's wired differently. Yeah, it's just the way it is.

53:10 Adam Shannon, you're a developmental psychology major.

53:14 Caller Yeah.

53:15 Adam For kids, for children?

53:17 Drew Humans, just the whole life spectrum, yeah.

53:20 Caller Oh yeah, exactly.

53:24 Adam All right, come on, don't get into that. That's a cop out.

53:27 Drew Why?

53:28 Caller Why?

53:29 Adam Because, let me explain. Everything for kids is a cop out.

53:32 Drew What?

53:32 Adam Entertainment for kids, cop out.

53:35 Drew Wait, what are we talking about all the time? That's the time you can make a difference. The books, the kids.

53:40 Adam The children's books.

53:42 Drew This is trying to therapeutically help kids so they don't get screwed up.

53:45 Adam Let me explain how it works. Here's some clay, Junior, get busy.

53:48 Drew No, no, no, no.

53:48 Adam I'm gonna go blow butt outside the vending machine.

53:50 Drew Look at all the screwed up older adolescents we get because nobody intervened when they were young.

53:55 Adam Listen, here's a child psychologist's work. The psychologist. Here, here, draw something. Here you go. Here's some construction paper and a Marks-a-Lot. Go to town, Junior. Then a kid draws a picture of somebody stabbing somebody else. Who's that? That's Daddy. What's he doing? Somebody's stabbing Mommy. Okay, let me talk to Mommy, Daddy. He's got some anger. He feels as if the father's being aggressive. Yeah, here's some clay. It's really, it's a cop out. I mean, you're doing the kids some good, or maybe you are, maybe you're not, but whenever you work with kids, whether it's children's books, children's entertainment, children's psychology, it's a cop out. It is. It means, it means, see, if you worked with adults, they tell you it was no good. The kids, the kids, they can't do it, they're just working with clay the whole time. Here, draw a picture.

54:43 Drew Well, the idea is just to form attachments with them and help them with the attachment formation.

54:46 Adam Here's some dolls, here's some clay. Sit on that very small novelty chair. I'm gonna sit on the big person chair over here and I'll watch you. And then once in a while, get called in the court and screw up something.

54:58 Drew It's interesting that you would have no appreciation for this. All the child psychologist is really supposed to do fundamentally is attune to the child. Just attune to them as they do whatever task it is that they need to do. Get them a puppy. That's the child attune to the puppy then.

55:12 Adam You don't need 14 years of schooling to sit there and to hand the kids some clay. That's all I'm saying. Adolescent, it's a cop out gig. It's just like writing children's books, cop out. That's all. I'm just saying. Shannon? But listen, it's smart, it's a good move. It's easy.

55:31 Drew Well, she's talking about adolescents too, by the way, not children.

55:34 Adam Well, that's where it gets a little, it gets a little tougher. You're dealing with the 11 year old that was molested and he's trying to F his stepsister. That's different.

55:42 Caller Okay, now what happened this early on when you detected something and realized that this 11 year old was being molested, you know, most of their life. Wouldn't you say that child psychologist is absolutely important for finding that kind of stuff? Yeah. That they aren't affected for the rest of their life?

55:55 Adam I mean, if he can spell molested out of clay, I guess you can actually make an M out of the clay. I just call me back when you start getting into the clay and construction paper part of it.

56:09 Drew I was a part of a consensus conference on Atlanta that Rosalind Carter put on, of all things. And the consensus was that the earlier the intervention, the better the outcome. And that the overall consensus was that most interventions to be effective really in terms of lifelong change must be entertained by age eight.

56:27 Adam Really?

56:28 Drew Yeah.

56:29 Adam Yeah, good times. Yeah. That ain't never gonna happen. Wait, someone's got a problem with my-

56:35 Drew Yeah, go ahead.

56:36 Adam Gas part. Who else over here?

56:37 Drew No, no, take the gas thing. That's treatment for depression.

56:42 Caller Paul? Yeah.

56:44 Adam You're 26?

56:45 Caller Yes, I am.

56:45 Adam All right, so, yes.

56:48 Caller The problem I have with the gas price idea is that- It's a ridiculous show.

56:56 Adam Hold on a second.

56:57 Drew It's like it could become like the Phil Henry show. You say bizarre, off-the-wall things and people call up and react to it.

57:03 Adam Hold on, he's a working father. So let me get this straight. He's got a kid and a job?

57:09 Drew And $5 will be a lot for him.

57:11 Adam Holy Christ, we gotta stop the presses. Yes, go ahead, Paul.

57:15 Caller I got two kids.

57:16 Adam Two kids.

57:16 Caller And they live in Orange County. I'm four hours away. And I have one of those types of vehicles you're talking about. Yeah, and it's hard for me to get there at times to get my kids.

57:28 Adam Why do you live four hours away from your kids?

57:31 Caller Because we, the mother and I met in college. I see. Exactly.

57:39 Drew No, that does not explain the four hours away, Paul.

57:41 Adam I didn't know you guys met collegiately.

57:42 Caller That's, yeah.

57:43 Drew And it requires four hours distance in order to meet the international. Well, four hour minimum.

57:47 Adam Minimum for you to meet in college. It goes high 17 hours away, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You met in college. You met in college, yeah.

57:57 Caller Yeah, we're four hours apart because I lived down here in Visalia and she's in Orange County.

58:06 Drew And our question was, why did you choose to live?

58:10 Adam Why do you live four hours from your kids? Well, we met in college. All right, that's number one. Then, well, that didn't answer our question. Well, we're four miles apart. Four hours apart. I live, yeah, we're four hours apart because I live out here in Visalia and she's four hours away. Hold on, Drew, let me get this down.

58:31 Drew You live four hours apart because you live four hours apart.

58:35 Adam All right, well, Paul, you've made a very compelling argument against my $5 gallon gas thing and I'm gonna reconsider it now. I didn't know you were four hours away. Latte, Drew, it takes a big man to admit when he's wrong. Yeah, and this Paul must have anchored this speech and debate team at that college he met his wife at.

58:58 Drew Brown.

58:59 Adam Because obviously Ivy League. Yeah, because this man's bulletproof. This is, he is made of Kevlar, this cat.

59:09 Drew I heard Cartman make a better argument today on a debate.

59:13 Caller Couldn't just call me a fag 300 times and hang up?

59:15 Adam Would have been more compelling. All right, so he disagrees. So here's all I was saying. Oh, forget it. I was saying, let's charge five bucks a gallon for gas. And the extra $2.60 goes right into subsidizing all mass transit, buses, everything, free passes, everything.

59:34 Drew Including giving people free passes.

59:36 Adam But now that Paul chose to live four hours away from his children.

59:39 Drew We have to stop.

59:40 Adam We gotta stop that. We'll put that. I got some, as a matter of fact, Drew.

59:46 Drew And by the way-

59:47 Adam I gotta stop the paperwork from going through. And by the way, he decided to stop it now.

59:51 Drew He decided to live four hours apart from his children because he's four hours apart from his children. Four hours from his children.

59:57 Adam I'm unclear whether he's divorced or never married, college, had kids, got pregnant in college.

1:00:05 Drew No, whatever.

1:00:07 Adam I'd like to know. Now I gotta know. Paul?

1:00:10 Caller Yes.

1:00:11 Adam Are you married?

1:00:13 Caller No, we never married. She did a 360 on me and started hitting me and calling me names and everything.

1:00:20 Drew By the way, 360 would be her right back where she started.

1:00:22 Adam You're facing the same direction. She did a 180 on you. Right. All right. So she did a 180 on you and started beating on you.

1:00:31 Caller Yeah.

1:00:33 Adam So now she's raising the kids.

1:00:37 Drew Sort of. She's sort of.

1:00:39 Caller It's 50-50 custody.

1:00:40 Adam Well, 50-50, but you're four hours away and she's...

1:00:44 Drew How could that be 50-50?

1:00:45 50-50.

1:00:48 Adam Well, it's more like, it's more like 70-50. All right, buddy. Take care of those kids.

1:00:55 Drew Oh my. At least 26 take care of kids.

1:00:57 Adam Very articulate.

1:00:58 Drew God bless them.

1:00:59 Adam And puts together a very compelling argument.

1:01:01 Drew Cartman, better debater.

1:01:03 Adam She did a 360. Spencer. Yeah? You're 13?

1:01:11 Caller Yeah.

1:01:13 Adam What's happening? Girl?

1:01:17 Caller Yeah.

1:01:18 Adam What's going on, girly? Female girl, girl, person? Yeah.

1:01:24 Caller I've never heard of another girl, Spencer.

1:01:26 Adam But anyways. No, it's usually a dude name, but-

1:01:31 Drew You like that though, Adam.

1:01:32 Adam I love, I love that Joey and that- Sam, and what's it?

1:01:38 Drew Frankie.

1:01:39 Adam Frankie can go butch dyke though.

1:01:41 Drew Spencer.

1:01:42 Adam Spencer, that's a hot name for a chick.

1:01:46 Drew Thanks.

1:01:47 Adam You got it going on.

1:01:48 Drew What's up?

1:01:50 Adam Logan? Logan's nice. That's nice for a girl. That's like with Spencer. There's not a lot of Logan guys out there either. All right, go ahead.

1:02:00 Caller Well, over the past summer, I was put into an inpatient treatment for suicidal tendencies and depression. And I was put in by my dad and my parents in a divorce. And my mom basically didn't approve of it. And she pulled me out early. So like my treatment wasn't finished there basically. And so and this sounds really bad, but the people I met there, they gave me ideas to continue like my bad habits.

1:02:33 Drew Like what?

1:02:34 Caller Like drinking and experimenting with drugs, becoming sexually active.

1:02:39 Adam Well, Drew, what about that? I mean, don't some of those treatment places, isn't it sort of like prison, like a guy who's maybe a marginal offender gets put in with some hardcore people and all of a sudden turned into a hardened criminal?

1:02:54 Drew Yeah. And I'm not sure that has been thoroughly studied the way maybe it should have been. For instance, even in chemical dependency units, people will often find out how to use harder forms of drugs.

1:03:08 Adam I would think if you're talking about people in their 30s, it would be less likely.

1:03:15 Drew But a 13-year-old with a 17-year-old, and there's all sorts of discussion about whether these populations should be mixed and how you monitor them if they are.

1:03:22 Adam There's gonna be a lot of effing going on too. I mean, there's gonna be information and fluid exchange.

1:03:29 Drew So that's not so good, Spencer, really. But why don't you get back, it's all a sign that you're really seriously still in distress. So why don't you get back to the people that were treating you, at least make contact with them.

1:03:39 Caller Well, see, the problem is it was at like a hospital, like kind of far away from where I live. And my mom's really against it. And right now I'm seeing a therapist, but my therapist went on leave because her daughter is like ill or something. So I'm kind of left like deserted.

1:03:57 Drew But this is the issue, when you feel abandoned like that, you start acting out. So you got to get a referral to somebody to connect with while your therapist is gone. This won't work if you're just sort of drifting out there.

1:04:10 Adam All right, baby doll.

1:04:11 Drew It's good that you know this. You got some insight. That's good.

1:04:13 Adam Yeah. Yeah, you're all right. You're 13.

1:04:16 Drew Just don't do these things you think are such great ideas. The solutions to your problems, what you think are solutions are the problems are certainly going to become the problems if you indulge them.

1:04:27 Adam All right, you got them out of your system. I'll tell you what would be good as a colonic, right, Drew?

1:04:32 Drew Yeah, that will cure everything. Ask, didn't we have Dave Navarro in here? Yeah.

1:04:37 Adam Got a lot of, what the body does is it stores toxins.

1:04:42 Drew Oh, God.

1:04:44 Adam You're like a locker for toxins, okay? You got to flush them out. Hey, you ever feel tired in the morning?

1:04:50 Drew Yeah.

1:04:51 Adam Alarm goes off, you don't feel like, like the alarm goes off, you wish you could sleep for another hour.

1:04:56 Drew How'd you know?

1:04:57 Adam Yeah, I know, because you've stored toxins.

1:04:59 Drew Where'd I store them?

1:05:00 Adam They're in your bowel. They're in your lower intestine. Yeah.

1:05:04 Drew I got to get that out.

1:05:05 Adam Yeah, we live in a very toxic environment, right now. Yeah, you could pass a big bowl load of toxins. You ever walk into a bathroom and it's really rank?

1:05:15 Drew Yes.

1:05:16 Adam Those are toxins. You're smelling other people's toxins.

1:05:18 Drew Oh, my God.

1:05:19 Adam People got bad farts, like Jimmy.

1:05:22 Drew Oh, he's full of toxins.

1:05:23 Adam Full of toxins, they just let, it's like a chemical planet exploding. You see what I'm saying?

1:05:29 Drew Yeah, I'm beginning to believe you.

1:05:31 Adam Yeah, actually, start doing that math. Maybe Navarro's got a point.

1:05:38 Drew Michelle.

1:05:41 Adam 20, what's going on, baby doll?

1:05:43 Caller Well, actually, I had a question for Dr. Drew about polycystic ovary disease. I was diagnosed with it about a year ago and I've been on medication for a very long time and I was wondering, actually, if there's other alternatives than the medication that I'm on.

1:05:57 Drew We have Glucophage?

1:05:59 Caller I'm taking Glucophage, I'm taking Spironolactone, a thyroid pill and Yasmin Birth Control. Obviously, the birth control is gonna stay. But I'm taking all of the other medication too and I was wondering, I'm actually taking the Spironol, what was that?

1:06:17 Drew Well, there's great enthusiasm in the endocrinologic community for exactly the way you're being treated, that there's insulin resistance in women with polycystic ovarian disease, so you're on a medication that improves the insulin's utilized. And there's irregular non-ovulatory cycling and there's no cycling sometimes, so the Yasmin takes care of that and you're excessively estrogenized or androgenized and the Yasmin may help with that. And then the thyroid is a common piece of the whole puzzle too. But I'll tell you from a sort of non-medicinal approach, the most important that you can do is keep your weight down, manage your diet very judiciously and a diabetic style diet and exercise regularly. And that will do a ton.

1:07:03 Adam What is that? Why?

1:07:04 Drew Because that's the big problem is that they tend to get overweight, they tend to get insulin resistant and you can take care of all that with diet.

1:07:09 Adam Well, you gotta drink a ton of water.

1:07:11 Drew And get rid of the toxins. You gotta drink regular enemas.

1:07:14 Adam Flush the toxins. Your body becomes like a sponge that stores toxins. I love when people give a bad, just retarded analogies. You know, they go like, you know how if you drop the sponge into a dirty sink filled with water, how it would absorb that dirty water and then that would be in the contents of the sponge. Your body's the same. It's like, hey, Dr. Tardo, just because you came up the lame analogy doesn't.

1:07:40 Drew People just love the imagery. They just, they don't understand it. They've just studied science or biochemistry. That it's all just magic to them.

1:07:46 Adam Yeah, it's plaque. It builds up at least from years.

1:07:49 Drew You can just slug it.

1:07:52 Adam Yeah, yeah. I like, there's this new product out there now where the doctor comes out. I think it's called like Cortislam or something. But the guy starts with Dr. Cinnamone or whatever his name is. And he goes, no offense to casual dieters, but this isn't for you. That's another, I like that approach too, where they go, look, if you're just trying to lose five or 10 pounds, this product is not for you. Where they're, don't tell me it's not for me.

1:08:18 Drew I'm a full-time professional dieter.

1:08:21 Adam He's offended. They have a very strong union too, the casual dieters union, the CDU. Oh man, it is a powerful lobby.

1:08:31 Drew I bet.

1:08:31 Adam Very powerful lobby, Drew. And you don't, they're like the NRA. They'll get you right out of office. You do not want to offend the casual dieters.

1:08:40 Drew All right. No, I'll take a break.

1:08:43 Adam Take a break?

1:08:43 Yeah.

1:08:44 Adam I'm gonna take a little whiz. Yes. That's whiz. You know, I think, you know, my prom is.

1:08:49 Drew Which one?

1:08:50 Adam Well, this one. Drew and I urinate together as a bonding ritual and as a release. There's a release and there's a sexual component to it. Oftentimes. I'm not gonna lie to people. There's a definite sexual component to us urinating together. It's also, and more importantly, it's a social interaction that we have.

1:09:22 Drew Yeah, it's a social moment. And sexual, yeah, yeah, social.

1:09:24 Adam Drew tries to guess whether I ate asparagus or not.

1:09:28 Drew No, no, there's no guesswork in that one.

1:09:31 Adam He's almost 100% on asparagus intake. Here's my point. I'm now used to urinating every 22 and a half minutes. It doesn't work great when I polish off my bottle of Cabernet and pass out at 2.30 in the morning. I get up at 2.52. You know, by the way. Yes.

1:09:51 Drew Yeah, two, three times a night. I thought it was just because I'm getting older.

1:09:56 Adam I'm down to one. No, here's my point. We have gotten-

1:10:01 Drew Our timing, right?

1:10:03 Adam Our kidneys into, it might, I think if I go more than 30 minutes without urinating, I'm gonna explode.

1:10:09 Drew It feels like it.

1:10:10 Adam I went to drive from my house in Santa Monica. I got catheterized myself.

1:10:14 Drew Could it have anything to do with the 40 cups of coffee we drink just before we go to bed and the two bottles of wine that you drink? No, no, let's go pee, come on.

1:10:23 Adam All right, all right, all right, I gotta, I'm gonna whiz on this. All right, we'll be back. Love Line. I'll tell you what. We got a show going on, don't we buddy? What time is it for everybody, boy? I'll tell you what time it is. It's 1128, that's 28 after the hour, that's 32. It's 1128, that's 28 after.

1:10:55 Drew It's 28 after, is 1128?

1:10:56 Adam 1128, that's 28 after 11, that's 32 to the top of the hour. 32 minutes to midnight straight up. It's 1128, that's 28 after the hour. 708, that's eight minutes after seven. 56 degrees. All righty. Let's get to the phones here, buddy. We gotta help the kids.

1:11:22 Drew Yeah, let's go.

1:11:23 Adam That's what I'm about. I'm about the kitties. Jennifer? You're 15. 15 years old, yeah. You think you're pregnant, baby doll?

1:11:34 Caller Yeah, actually I'm sexually active.

1:11:39 Adam Oh really?

1:11:39 Caller Yeah. It was like back in February, like in the beginning of February, I went to go see my friend's friend. And one of my friend's friends, my friend Josh's friend, he was from out of town, and we were both drunk and like we had sex. But I have a boyfriend, he lives in Nevada. And I don't live with my parents, so my boyfriend thinks that I live with my aunt.

1:12:05 Drew Why don't you live with your parents?

1:12:07 Caller Because my parents live in Mexico.

1:12:09 Drew And how'd you end up up here?

1:12:11 Caller Well, it's cause like my parents used to live here, so like they moved to Mexico and I just stayed here cause I didn't want to go. Like I told my boyfriend that I was staying with my aunt, but I'm not staying with my aunt anymore, I'm staying with my friend.

1:12:24 Drew Oh boy.

1:12:25 Caller Yeah, and we'll after after-

1:12:27 Adam Your parents, your parents, hold on a second, your parents moved back to Mexico?

1:12:30 Drew They just left you here? They just left you here?

1:12:33 Caller Well, it was my decision, like I wanted to stay, I didn't want to go, so like-

1:12:36 Drew Yeah, Jennifer, you're 15, you don't make this, you can't make, you're not in a position to make decisions like that.

1:12:40 Adam It's a different culture and we can't judge.

1:12:43 Drew It's illegal, it's abandonment, that's illegal.

1:12:45 Adam We cannot judge, different culture. Everything's the same. Why did they move back to Mexico? Just low self-esteem or what happened?

1:12:55 Drew Why did they move back there?

1:12:56 Caller I don't know, they just moved back there, so I don't know.

1:12:58 Drew What do you mean you don't know? They didn't have any discussion? You came home one day and they left a note, gone to Mexico?

1:13:03 Caller They didn't tell me, they just said, no, we're moving to Mexico. And like, I didn't want to move, so like, no, my aunt had custody of me, but I don't live with her no more. So like, I'm living with my friend, Moe, and I had sex with them too, but my boyfriend doesn't know.

1:13:20 Drew Oh boy, Jennifer, you gotta get some help.

1:13:22 Caller Right now, I think I'm pregnant, but I don't know and I'm scared because I've had these bumps, my vagina too, and they look like pimples, and I'm afraid that that might affect the baby if I'm pregnant.

1:13:35 Adam Oh, hey Jennifer.

1:13:37 Caller Yeah.

1:13:38 Adam You got any brothers or sisters or anything?

1:13:41 Caller Yeah, but they don't live here, they left.

1:13:43 Adam They left to Mexico.

1:13:45 Drew And you don't know how or why.

1:13:47 Adam Okay, and you're living with your aunt. Oh no, you're not living with your aunt, you're living with your friend.

1:13:51 Caller No, my boyfriend thinks I'm living with my aunt.

1:13:53 Adam Right, okay.

1:13:54 Drew Hey, you want me to hire the park? Why don't you check out the Hillside Home for Children? Yeah, go to Hillside, it's over there on Avenue 64.

1:14:01 Caller Avenue 54?

1:14:02 Drew 64.

1:14:03 Caller 64?

1:14:04 Drew Yeah, Hillside.

1:14:05 Adam Well, hold on a second.

1:14:06 Drew Throw yourself on their mercy.

1:14:08 Adam Yeah, Jennifer, look, first off, your boyfriend is in Nevada, forget about him, break up with him.

1:14:14 Drew Yeah, duh. Well, she needs more, she can't handle stuff like that. She needs somebody to like intervene here and take her off the street, basically she's on the street.

1:14:24 Adam Yes.

1:14:25 Drew Yeah.

1:14:26 Adam Okay, listen, Jennifer, here's the whole thing. I don't want you to end up a statistic and I don't want to pay for all your crappy kids either. So it's a win-win thing. I want you to work out well and I want it for selfish reasons too, but that doesn't mean I don't care about you. Stop having sex with these guys, number one. Number two, yes, you're gonna have to go somewhere and at the Hillside, we've been there, right Drew? We toured Hillside?

1:14:54 Drew Yes.

1:14:55 Adam Yes, we did.

1:14:56 Drew It's right near where she's living right now.

1:14:57 Adam It is, isn't it? All right, where is it? Write that down.

1:15:01 Drew I told her, I'm in a 64.

1:15:02 Adam She doesn't know. Jennifer?

1:15:04 Drew Mm-hmm.

1:15:06 Adam Do you have?

1:15:06 Drew 64 in Meridian, I think is where it is.

1:15:08 Adam Do you have something called a pen?

1:15:11 Drew Yeah.

1:15:12 Adam You do? All right, so you write.

1:15:14 Drew I don't know if they necessarily can take her in, but they might really refer her out.

1:15:17 Adam Well, they're gonna help her somehow.

1:15:18 Drew Yeah, exactly.

1:15:19 Adam They got a real nice facility over there.

1:15:21 Drew Planned Parenthood is another thing to check out. Pasadena has a Planned Parenthood.

1:15:24 Adam All right, Avenue 64. Hillside.

1:15:29 Drew Home for Children.

1:15:29 Adam Home for Children. I took a tour of the place. Great people, great facility. All right, they're gonna take care of you. Take care of yourself, baby doll. You call us up and tell us how you're doing, all right?

1:15:45 Drew Who the odd?

1:15:47 Adam Parents just went back to Mexico.

1:15:51 Drew Yeah, something's, many things missing, many pieces missing. For all we know, they may have begged Jennifer to come with them and she just took off or something. You're right. You know, I was listening to an interesting story about the history of psychologists. They were talking about skinner and aversive condition, this kind of stuff. And he was talking about how animals learn in the face of aversive stimuli. That if you take an animal and put it like on an electrical grid and the light comes on, and electricity comes through it, the animal flies off it. It takes about one time that every time that light goes on now, the animal's jumping.

1:16:26 Adam Right. That's how animals learn.

1:16:27 Drew That's how humans are.

1:16:28 Adam That's how they survive.

1:16:29 Drew But that's how humans are when they're younger, when their parents strike them. The parents hit them, you got to do that once. And the kid's like, okay, you know, you come near me again. I'm out of here. They take off.

1:16:39 Adam Right. So that's what happens. There may be an old domestic violence.

1:16:44 Drew Yeah, I'm just out and then they don't listen. They won't hear. They don't care. They just get me out of here. I'm out.

1:16:49 Adam Clint, just saying you should beat your kids. Hey Clint, what's happening? 25.

1:16:55 Yes, Adam, you need to write a book. You're sitting on a goldmine here with great ideas and good comedy. You got to cash in on that.

1:17:05 Adam Well, let me tell you what keeps me from writing a book.

1:17:08 Drew Hey, you wrote a book.

1:17:10 Adam I did?

1:17:10 Drew Yeah, we wrote a book together, remember?

1:17:12 Adam I never read that book.

1:17:13 Drew Yeah, you did. I read it to you.

1:17:15 Adam You read our book?

1:17:16 Drew Yes, I read it to you.

1:17:17 Adam Did I enjoy it?

1:17:19 Drew Yeah, you did. Especially Adam.

1:17:23 Adam Here's the, there's a couple elements that stopped me from writing a book. A, lazy.

1:17:28 Caller Okay, I got that figured out.

1:17:31 Adam B, actually not illiterate, but...

1:17:35 Drew Damn near.

1:17:37 Caller Does it matter?

1:17:39 Adam No, I'm not really, realistically, I read at a solid ninth grade level. But I spell at like a third grade level. And he makes a spelling in the lazy. And then third, a very unnurturing environment. I got to stare at Dr. Drew, just looking at me like a grouper through the wall of an aquarium.

1:17:58 Drew But that doesn't affect your writing when you're out of here.

1:18:00 Adam No, but I'm not sure what's genius and what isn't. You see, I, when, later on, when I leave the station, oftentimes the following day, people say, I heard that rap about this or that. I was laughing my ass off. And I say, what are you talking about? And they'll say, whatever it was. And I don't know what they're talking about because when you're in a room with two people that don't care. Well, make it Ann and Anderson and whoever.

1:18:23 Drew Chris.

1:18:24 Adam Well, that's one of them. Counting Chris and you is actually in the room and then outside. Well, sometimes you do and sometimes you don't. But the point is, is you don't really know if something's funny or not because you got a couple of people just sort of sitting there going, all right, take some calls. And so it doesn't register in your head. Oh, I gotta write a book. It's more like, I gotta write a book called Let's Take Some Goddamn Calls. You see what I'm saying? Yes. What are you doing? What are you gonna do, Clint?

1:18:50 Caller Well, here's what I, here's how you can get around some of that. I mean, the creativity part, I think is already solid. You are a, you know you're a genius. We know you're a genius, so.

1:18:59 Adam Yes, thank you.

1:19:00 Caller We're past that. Secondly, you can speak into a computer and it'll just type everything out.

1:19:07 Adam Right, they, you know, they talk about that, but then it's like, you go, my name is Adam. And it, and it, and it, and it writes down, I've entered the front door and I've defecated on the carpet. It's like, have they worked out those things yet?

1:19:25 Caller The software is pretty good now, except, except, and it's not, it shouldn't be your first choice because it does take a while to set up. You gotta read pages and pages so it can understand your dialect. Right, yeah.

1:19:35 Adam You gotta program it.

1:19:36 Caller But look at it this way, even Malcolm X didn't write his own book. He told his autobiography through Alex Haley, so.

1:19:44 Adam Oh, well that's what I gotta do, get the guy who wrote Roots to write my book.

1:19:48 Caller Or Dr. Drew, or anybody who, you know, you can just kind of yell at. You know, you got some good rants and you got some great ideas for taking over the world.

1:19:59 Adam I appreciate it and I thank you. My self-esteem is too low to write a book. I realize I'm a genius, but I also have to weigh that against low self-esteem.

1:20:12 Drew Adam has an aversion to his creativity being contained in something so not ephemeral as the written word.

1:20:22 Adam You're lucky.

1:20:23 Drew In other words, your creativity, your creative process has to exist in time and space. It can't be contained on a page. It ruins it. It spoils it somehow.

1:20:33 Adam Yeah.

1:20:34 Drew Right? And you're lazy.

1:20:36 Adam I'm lazy. We'll move on to calls. But here's the whole thing. I was thinking about this because I went out to New York and I did this basically this stand-up gig. And I had to host this show and I had to go open this decent-sized theater with five, eight minutes of stand-up comedy. And, you know, it went pretty good and it was fine. And I thought when I walked off stage, I thought, no, I could do stand-up. And then I thought, I can't stand telling the same joke. I don't mind having the same thoughts, which I oftentimes do. But sometimes writing it down and just saying the same joke over and over again. Well, it's like sort of what's the essence of humor. And it's sort of stop me if you've heard this one. Yeah. Well, if I heard this one, there's nothing worse than someone going, hey, let me tell you a funny story about what happened today. Well, if the guy told you the same same story last week, it's not so funny. Right. So it feels anti humor. It feels anti essence of humor to write it down and repeat it.

1:21:38 Drew Right.

1:21:39 Adam On the other hand, that's how you do it. So the thing I like about the radio is you just keep yammering and it just flies off into space and you never have to actually corral it and do anything with it.

1:21:51 Drew Yeah. Woody Allen was able to keep things, you know, use different mediums to keep things renewed and you know what I mean?

1:21:58 Adam I love Woody Allen movies, but if you watch his movies you'll see the same joke happening over and over again.

1:22:02 Drew No, I'm just saying it's similar material, but it's new every time. New twist to it. It's got a great event to it.

1:22:12 Adam Listen, the jury's still out. The kid's got some good ideas. We'll see how.

1:22:15 Drew How he does.

1:22:16 Adam I'm doing another 30 movies and we'll see. Contessa?

1:22:21 Caller You're 20?

1:22:23 Caller I would say that pie is so much better than cake.

1:22:27 Caller Yes. Yes, it is.

1:22:29 Drew And it keeps too. If you can get it to stay around without people destroying it, eating it, it's good for a few days.

1:22:36 Adam Yeah, there's no... Yeah, pie will... Listen, a pumpkin pie will last for two or three weeks in the refrigerator. The only problem is it won't last for two or three weeks. People love it so much. They love that pie.

1:22:50 Drew Don't drop, drown. Don't drop.

1:22:51 Adam I'll drop, drown. Cake last, too, but no one gives a rat's ass.

1:22:57 Caller It's hard.

1:22:58 Adam Yeah. Just admit I'm right about the cake pie thing and let's move forward.

1:23:02 Caller Exactly.

1:23:03 Adam Thank you.

1:23:04 Caller Well, about three months ago, I met this guy. It was his birthday. I guessed his sign. I found out that he's a sound guy and that he does recording for Bay Area bands. I'm a singer-songwriter. He told me how much he liked to work with me. Things just went from there. We started working together and then it got romantic. I was thinking that he was about 24, 25 and his looks are very deceiving. Coming to find out he was 29.

1:23:39 Adam Oh my goodness.

1:23:41 Caller Yeah, really young looking for, I was amazed. And so, you know, it kind of worried me and we talked about it and he said that, you know, my age never seemed to like make a difference and that, you know, so far it didn't seem like there was this age difference with us.

1:24:00 Adam Right, he was saying AIDS.

1:24:04 Caller What?

1:24:05 Adam He was saying AIDS, not age. You didn't have sex with him, did you?

1:24:11 Caller No, we never, I never did.

1:24:13 Drew He was saying that AIDS didn't make a difference.

1:24:15 Adam You had oral, did you do oral sex? Is third base oral now?

1:24:23 Drew Is it?

1:24:23 Caller Isn't it?

1:24:25 Adam It is now.

1:24:25 Drew It didn't used to be.

1:24:26 Adam It didn't used to be, but it never really had a place on the diamond.

1:24:30 Drew It was when you came back to the dugout.

1:24:33 Adam You might get a quick BJ on the way back from like the Bat Boy.

1:24:36 Drew No, after you've rounded the bases.

1:24:38 Adam Yeah, it's right.

1:24:40 Drew You're... Yeah. You're packing it in.

1:24:44 Adam Contest is 20. She thought the guy was 25. Turns out he's 29.

1:24:48 Drew What's... Not a big deal.

1:24:51 Adam What's the deal?

1:24:52 Caller So now, after like about three months, I find out that, you know, I get this little kind of tiff or whatever, and then I start talking about my feelings or whatever, and he tells me, you know what? I don't care. And if you don't like it, then just don't come over here anymore. And totally like decides he's going to blow me off. And so now I'm wondering, like, I don't know, it seems like, I guess it could have been a too good to be true kind of thing, but I really like, we've got all these like ties now with like music and things. I was really getting things started and now I don't know.

1:25:27 Adam Hold on.

1:25:27 Drew Whoa. How long were you dating him for?

1:25:28 Caller Three months.

1:25:31 Adam He was just having a good time.

1:25:32 Drew Yeah. What do you, Contessa, is this your first relationship? Yeah.

1:25:35 Adam You sound, you sound green, baby.

1:25:38 Drew Well, have you had a lot of chaotic relationships? One or the other? This is brand new or you have, you generally have chaotic relationships that don't last?

1:25:46 Caller I guess it's not any more chaotic than other people's relationships.

1:25:51 Drew Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is.

1:25:53 Adam People say that a lot. I'm never even sure what that means, like, when they go, you know, when I...

1:25:57 Caller It means I know a lot of people in similar situations.

1:25:59 Adam Joe, Joe Jackson will do that like, well, our, sure, we have problems like any other family. It's...

1:26:04 Drew Right. That's a total cop out, complete and total cop out.

1:26:08 Adam And why is it relevant anyway?

1:26:10 Drew That's like saying, well, I have pancreatic cancer, I mean, just like every other, eventually somebody gets cancer, everybody gets that. It's like, no, yeah, this is serious stuff. You're not bad.

1:26:19 Caller I need someone to tell me that.

1:26:21 Adam So look, this guy may have just been hanging out, having a good time, seeing if he could get past third base with you.

1:26:28 Drew Or who knows? Or maybe he just had enough of contestants' kind of chaos. Yeah. Just kind of bailed out.

1:26:35 Adam Whatever it is, it was three months, you had some asses and giggles and you're moving forward. Or he's moving forward.

1:26:44 Caller Well, how do I get my things back from his house? How do I talk to this guy after this?

1:26:48 Adam Well, you have things that are legitimately yours. First off...

1:26:52 Drew Like what's there?

1:26:53 Adam Is anything worth anything?

1:26:58 Drew Like what?

1:26:59 Adam Like wanting to see him.

1:27:00 Caller I got him this like nice little chair for his like recording studio. Yeah, that's his.

1:27:06 Drew What did you leave there?

1:27:07 Caller Well, I told him I needed it back because I was just giving it to him because I didn't have room in my house.

1:27:14 Drew See, this is craziness.

1:27:15 Adam It's just, you don't have it. You just, you want to confront him.

1:27:18 Drew Right. You're hurt. You want to stay involved. You want to keep the dance going.

1:27:21 Adam Here's what's going on. I think he saw her as a little too young and a little too nutty, had some kicks, realized she's a little too mature and a little chaotic. Well, but by the way, a little, and now she's coming after him.

1:27:32 Drew Right. And by the way, when he backed off, it was because she was dumping on him about the age thing. Kate and coming at him and how dare you. And he went, fine, that's it. I'm out. And then when he was out, he was out.

1:27:42 Adam It's been 13 minutes since we've gone number one.

1:27:44 Drew Let's go.

1:27:45 Adam We'll be back.

1:28:07 Caller Alright, alright, alright. Slip line now. Get a hand in.

1:28:11 Adam Get a hand in and grab an E. Don't sit down. Let's sit on your fanny, son. Grab an E. Hey, that helmet, that's not a chair. Why is it when you're like teaching gym or a football, Pop Warner football coach, even the things are just marginally entertaining, our boy this guy, he is the Lenny Bruce of Pop Warner football coaches. This guy, he's the Mortsal of gym because he's sharp, oh man, it's this kid fast. I love when they do that, and it's like big laughs. Look at Tyne's like kissing your sister. I got this one, I gather up gentlemen, and I use that term loosely. It's always the same blowhard jokes year after year. Yeah, that was a big deal though, in Pop Warner football, no sitting down. A grab a knee, grab a knee, really? Look, are we resting or aren't we? Because if we're resting, I'd like to sit on my can. Number one, what's the grab a knee part? And two, I don't know, from a posture standpoint, from an orthopedic standpoint, how about this? How about we relax, and I do it in whatever way I'm most comfortable. Sitting Indian style, two knees, one knee, on the ass, whatever it is, we're not running laps, are we? Let's just start, it's gravity, gravity. And like I said, God forbid once in a while a guy would sit on his helmet, and then you'd get the, it's not a chair, which, that's the best you're gonna, that's it?

1:29:47 Drew That's the reason?

1:29:48 Adam That's, cause it's not, and by the way, I don't know, isn't anything you're sitting on a chair? Technically.

1:29:54 Drew A stool at least.

1:29:55 Adam It's something, yeah. All right, Jessica, once I like to flip it around, I like to put a, start putting a chair onto my head and have a coach tell me it's not a helmet. That folding chair is not a helmet, son. Get that off your head. All right, like maybe after the Russian circus or something. Jessica?

1:30:16 Yeah, what the?

1:30:17 Adam You're 20?

1:30:20 Drew 20 is what it says. You're 15?

1:30:29 Caller I'm 15 and I'm sexually active, but I cannot have intercourse. I can only have it anal-y. And I don't know if it will work. I'm uncomfortable. Like I'm about to do it with my boyfriend and we've been together for seven months. But every time that I'm ready to do it, I can't.

1:30:43 Drew But you are doing it the other way.

1:30:44 Caller Yes, that's the only way that I feel comfortable doing it.

1:30:47 Drew What do you mean comfortable?

1:30:48 Adam Well, she's old fashioned. She's an old fashioned girl, Drew.

1:30:53 Caller Because when I'm about to have an affair, I get nervous. And I'm like, no, no, no, he gets all mad. And I don't know another way. I'm just comfortable with it.

1:31:04 Adam This, by the way, when I'm in charge, you're going to be she'll be tagged.

1:31:09 Drew Caraboo.

1:31:10 Adam Catalog.

1:31:10 Drew Caraboo.

1:31:12 Adam Pow with the North plant. I powered air rifle. Boom, right in the side of the arm.

1:31:16 Drew Jessica, what does the the way God intended it, I guess, though not at your age. What is it about that that makes it anxiety?

1:31:26 Adam I like the part where boyfriend gets mad.

1:31:29 Drew Why does that make you anxious? Why does it make you nervous?

1:31:31 Adam Wait, wait a minute. How old is your boyfriend? He's 17. 17. And she's 15. And no.

1:31:42 Drew Yes.

1:31:45 Adam What are you using for birth control? What's that?

1:31:51 Drew You're on the depo shot?

1:31:52 Caller Yes.

1:31:53 Drew And so what does it make you?

1:31:56 Caller I'm on the side because I'm ready. Okay, I'm ready to have an agreement. Every time when it comes down to it, I can't do it.

1:32:03 Drew Yeah, what's the anxiety about? Do you know?

1:32:05 Caller Excuse me?

1:32:08 Drew Why are we nervous?

1:32:09 Caller I'm not nervous, it's just that I'm getting into it and we're about to do it and I'm like no, no, no.

1:32:14 Drew Why, why?

1:32:15 Caller It's uncomfortable, I don't know, I just get in a comfortable feeling.

1:32:20 Drew Were you sexually abused when you were a kid?

1:32:22 Caller Well, when I was seven, I was abused, yeah, but not raped completely.

1:32:27 Adam Who sexually abused you?

1:32:30 Drew Okay, well that may be material that you've not yet worked through and naturally enough, you're of course sort of reenacting all of that again by being so sexually active and sort of in a kind of peculiar way. Although when you actually get to vaginal intercourse, it gives you a panic attack, you know, flashbacks.

1:32:47 Adam Well, it takes a village.

1:32:48 Drew It takes a village. So Jessica, please, this is all related to that event, so maybe get some treatment.

1:32:57 Adam The neighbor.

1:32:57 Drew Oh, I see, I see, I see.

1:32:59 Adam Yeah, Jessica, don't, okay, you gotta get therapy. You were sexually abused. That's all, I don't know any other way to say it. It's been six and a half minutes. We have to urinate again. We'll be back after this.

1:33:10 Caller All right, guys, bottom line, here's the deal.

1:33:13 Caller Looking to hook up.

1:33:14 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

1:33:16 Caller One call is all you need to make. Call the Dateline.

1:33:19 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:33:25 Caller Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:33:26 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:33:30 Caller Girl you wanna be right back.

1:33:45 Caller All righty, well, there you go.

1:33:47 Adam It's 12 and 30 seconds. It's 30 seconds after 12. Wow.

1:33:53 Caller That's- 12 and 30 seconds.

1:33:54 Adam 59 minutes and 30 seconds away from one o'clock. That means the show's over, everybody. God bless you all for listening. We'll take a little break. Nicky Six is coming in here. You remember him from a little group called Motley Croup. He's got a new group, Brides of Destruction. He'll be in tomorrow night. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:18 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Ingold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback

Monday, March 22, 2004