Episode 1000602843765

0:52 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:00 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:05 Adam Your phone number is 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist, Cypress Hill is here tonight. And DJ Mugg's both here. Be real, I don't know what happened to him tonight. Where is he?

1:20 Cypress Hill Be real. That makes three of us, brother.

1:22 Adam I think he's going to go for the show now.

1:24 Cypress Hill No, he had a prior engagement or something that he had to take care of this weekend so he couldn't be around. So me and Mugg's out here representing Soul Assassins, Latin Thugs, and Cypress Hill Clicks, you know what I'm saying?

1:34 Adam Yeah, that's what I'm, you know, Drew usually says that when we kick off the show Sundays anyway.

1:40 Drew That's what you don't know what he's saying.

1:41 Adam You saved him some trouble.

1:43 Cypress Hill All right, good to help you out there, Drew.

1:44 Adam Cypress Hill is here till death do us part. It's the name of the new CD, which is coming out on Tuesday. That is this Tuesday, a couple of days from now. I've been, I've just got back from New York this afternoon. And on the way to the airport was looking at a bunch of the construction sites that have the stuff, you know, papered up on there. Yep, saw the new Cypress Hill thing on there.

2:07 Drew And actually B-Row was in here last week playing with an earlier show.

2:11 Adam Oh, he was?

2:13 Drew It sounded good.

2:14 Adam Well, we're gonna play something off the new CD. We'll play a cut off of that. Like I said, that's coming out in a couple of days. And we'll play one this hour, play one the next hour. Cypress Hill is gonna go do some dates with Blink 182 starting on April. Have you guys gone out with Blink 182 before? Or have they gone out with you?

2:35 No, we never went out with them before.

2:37 Adam They're nice guys. I'm sure you have a good time with them. I can't believe in the, I don't know, in the 16 years Cypress Hill has been around or maybe more in the, I don't know, 10, 12 years Blink 182 has been around. You guys haven't ended up on the same venue somewhere.

2:56 Cypress Hill No, we just recently like a year or so ago, maybe longer. Mugs could tell you correctly. We started hanging out with Travis and, you know, just kicking it with him and talking with him. And for, you know, you know, we just started making these connections, you know.

3:10 Adam He's a free spirit that Travis says.

3:13 Drew He likes to speed.

3:15 Adam I knew he was a free spirit when he was telling us a bench warrant out for his arrest and a suspended license. And then mentioned that he got pulled over doing about 125 on the way to the studio, but the guy happened to be a Blink fan, so we let him go. But really, anyone who can go triple digits with the bench warrant, I like, you know, like once in a while you're driving on the freeway and I drive 80, 85. I mean, I'm driving at this sort of, I'm speeding when I drive. Once in a while, a guy will blow past you in an impala with like expired tabs and the taillights are out. And you're thinking, are you trying to get pulled over? Like, this is what you would do if you were trying to get pulled over. You got the limo tint, there's some smoke, you know, coming out of there, expired tabs, a busted taillight. And you know when this dude gets pulled over, it's not like, oh, officer, yes, registration, insurance, proof of insurance, yeah, I've got that right here. No, he's gonna open his glove box and a zip gun and a ziplock bag full of weed is gonna fall out of it. Like, here's the whole thing, I don't mind, you know, smoke the weed, carry the gun, do whatever you wanna do, but don't put the spotlight on yourself that way. No, I mean, this is what I love about like cops and the guy's out on, he's on parole, but he's in his underpants and he's taking a bat to his neighbor's mailbox at 4.30 in the morning. Like, look, just do your thing. Don't take the bat to the mailbox. They're going to call the cops. You know, the people that are already in trouble, but got to get the cops coming after them again.

4:49 Caller Yeah.

4:49 Adam What is that? What's that impulse? You guys, you guys must know what that is.

4:56 It's called 5150.

4:58 Caller Yeah.

4:58 Adam You're crazy, right?

5:00 Drew Yeah.

5:01 Adam Yeah. It's like, you're already out on parole. Just relax for a little bit.

5:04 Drew That's the way they cut to the chase.

5:07 Adam All right. But listen, no excuses. That's the point. Just say, we're nuts. We got no excuse. That's our excuse. All right. Let's hop on the phones and speak to Megan, who's 20. Megan?

5:21 Yeah.

5:22 Adam What's up?

5:24 I have some questions about birth control pills. I've been having these, I don't know, ridiculous mood swings, I guess you would call it. And I'm not sure if this could be the cause of it. But I recently switched to a different kind than I had been taking before.

5:44 Drew Where, and the mood swings got worse when you made the switch?

5:48 I didn't even notice that I was having these mood swings before I made a switch.

5:52 Drew And what did you switch to?

5:54 Well, I was just taking regular ortho tricycline and now I am taking this trinessa, I guess it's a generic of it.

6:02 Adam Hey, do you know when you're having mood swings there's some guys gotta go like, what the hell, what's going on with you? You're nuts.

6:13 Drew Yeah, switching from-

6:15 Adam What guys are there for?

6:16 Drew Yeah, switching, yeah right. Switching from a trade brand to a generic should not make a big difference. It's possible, no it's possible, but it's unlikely. So probably something else going on in your life. What else going on?

6:35 Caller She's a chick.

6:36 Adam I don't know.

6:37 Caller Exactly, she's a woman.

6:38 Adam Women swing. Little stress there. All over the place.

6:41 Drew Any, have you changed jobs or locations? Are you drinking more alcohol or using drugs? Is there anything that could make your mood swing?

6:49 No, I mean, I feel like I'm just a regular college student.

6:54 Drew Are you under more stress or anything? Or is this guy just sort of busting your chops a little bit?

6:58 Oh no, I think, I noticed that, you know, I used to get really bad PMS. Then I got on the birth control and that kind of helped it.

7:06 Drew And then, maybe you're just a plain old, maybe just depressed and when he's calling mood swings, it's just irritability.

7:12 I was talking to my mom about it today and she said that there is a...

7:16 Adam No, I didn't talk to the shrink.

7:18 Drew Yeah, you go to the, you're at a college, go to the student health services, talk to them about this.

7:22 Adam Call services go south when they're talking to their mom.

7:25 Drew I know it freaks you out. But you just imagine that phone call, you can't listen any further. It's probably a depression. You ought to have it evaluated. We can't solve that over the phone.

7:34 Adam Yeah, have a good time. Hey Morgan? You're 16?

7:38 Caller Yes, I am.

7:39 Adam What's up? You got that little girl voice.

7:41 Drew Man, do you three, four, what happened?

7:45 Caller Nothing happened.

7:47 Adam No abuse?

7:49 Drew Oh yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.

7:52 Caller I want to get my, the hood of my clitoris pierced, but my boyfriend thinks it's like weird. And I wanted to know if I should take that into consideration.

8:05 Drew Yeah, take a sane person's opinion into consideration. I think that's a good idea.

8:09 Adam It's always good. I mean, whenever you want to puncture a hole in the hood of your clitoris and somebody says, you ought to think about it, you could take that into consideration.

8:21 Drew Yeah. And by the way, at 16, no one's going to do that to you.

8:24 Adam They won't?

8:24 Drew Not in this country anyway.

8:26 Adam I bet your send dog knows some guys.

8:29 Drew I could do that. Bet you're probably right.

8:32 Cypress Hill 16, huh? You should wait a couple of years, you know? Grow up a little. It ain't going nowhere.

8:36 Adam Yeah, you got to let the hood mature.

8:38 Drew But Morgan, this is, you're acting something out. They're absolutely something out.

8:42 Adam Something happened to you. What happened to you? Weird stepdad touched you?

8:47 Drew No, that's not the point.

8:48 Adam Something's wrong though. Were you molested?

8:53 Drew Physically abused? Somebody hit you? Absolutely. It's not working.

8:59 Adam You got to just tell us the truth, Morgan.

9:01 Caller No, seriously, nothing happened.

9:07 Adam Let's try a different angle. When did you lose your virginity?

9:12 Drew 15. How old was the guy? 15. And any funny experimentation with a kid your own age when you were little? No. Nothing like that? No siblings or cousins or anything?

9:24 Caller Mm-mm.

9:27 Adam What's your dad do? Cop or priest?

9:30 Caller He works on computers.

9:34 Adam Ah-ha!

9:35 Drew Are these your biological parents?

9:37 Adam What's wrong? And why does a, you got that voice, she's got that little girl voice. It always means trauma in the past. I know it's sexy, but you know how all strippers have that voice? Yeah. Because they all get abused. And then you got the wanting to get the hood pierced. Which is just- And it's not some dude wanting to, trying to talk you into it. It's your idea at age 16 to get your hood pierced.

9:59 Drew It seals it.

10:00 Adam So something's up and I don't know what it is. And your parents are together, your dad works in computers. No one's an alcoholic. No one's a drug addict.

10:09 Drew What was that? Did you have any major illnesses or anything when you were growing up?

10:16 Adam All right.

10:17 Drew Well, something's messing. We can't get at it.

10:20 Adam I'll tell you though, she has a future in talk radio though, doesn't she?

10:24 Drew Yeah. You'd better auctioneer.

10:32 Adam Well, maybe she's just dumb.

10:33 Drew No.

10:34 Adam Bored and dumb? Okay, but dumb. You get me dumb.

10:37 Drew Young and dumb. From Seattle, nobody's dumb from Seattle.

10:40 Adam Really? I thought everyone was dumb from Seattle.

10:42 Drew No, no, no.

10:43 Cypress Hill She's probably holding back on you guys.

10:44 Adam Morgan? We're gonna hang up on you unless you tell us something.

10:49 Drew You don't tell us, just don't get the piercing. It's fine, just don't do it. You'll think better of, if indeed you are not a trauma survivor as you portray yourself, you will think better of this as you mature.

10:59 Adam Shouldn't you be freaked out about spreading your legs for some... All right, well that sounded sane. Because you know, the guys that are doing it are the guys, they're the fat guys who wear fanny packs. You know, like a fat guy with a ponytail and a fanny pack.

11:17 Drew It's the comic store owner at the Simpsons.

11:21 Adam He's gonna love it, too.

11:22 Cypress Hill Wouldn't you have to be a certain age?

11:24 Drew Yeah, yeah, 18, absolutely. Is 18 the age? That's why no one's gonna do this to her. Except your buddies, but Senen apparently knows somebody. He's holding back on us, too.

11:34 Cypress Hill It's not on me.

11:36 Adam Is 18 the age?

11:37 Drew As I understand it, yeah.

11:40 Adam I was thinking about, you know, I always keep talking. We gotta get the age of consent. We gotta just establish an age. Doesn't, you know, sexually. Shouldn't be different from Hawaii to Arizona to Idaho. You know what else we need to do? I know we were talking about this, but I just got back from New York and it's really on my mind, which is the time you can start boozing in any given airport. Like, I went, I left, I, I, you go to LAX, I went up, I had a first class ticket. I went up to the Admiral's Club, you know, it's 10.30 in the morning. I have myself a couple of Bloody Marys. And that's my ritual. I like to booze it up pretty good before I get on to the plane.

12:20 Drew Or any other morning as well. But, I'll be honest with you.

12:23 Adam No, but here's the thing. It's six hours in a chair with no TV. You think about the concept. Think about the concept of actually sitting on a chair. You know, you're sitting in a plane for six hours with no TV. You gotta be drunk. That's the only way you can cope with that kind of emotional stress. When's the last time you sat awake, upright in a chair for six hours and weren't watching five and a half hours of TV? It's never happened. I've never physically done it. I can't do it. It's impossible.

12:54 Drew I have to drink to cope with the notion of it.

12:58 Adam I don't read. I believe it poisons the mind.

13:00 Drew I understand. I didn't say why you don't read. I said don't read.

13:03 Adam Okay, so the point is, is LA, you go in, you have a couple of, you know, the bars open up at, I don't know, nine, 10 in the morning, you have a couple of Bloody Marys, everything's copacetic when you get on the plane. You go to JFK, you go to New York, we had a 12 o'clock flight. You pull into the bar, you know, it's 11, 15, and you give me a Bloody Mary out. Well, we don't open. I don't know, we don't serve. We don't serve until noon.

13:26 Drew Near a clock.

13:26 Adam Yeah, and it's like, okay, first off, there's nothing worse than pulling up to a bar at airport ready to get you drunk on and have the guy tell you, well, we'll be opening the bar about the time your plane is taxing. That's number one. Number two, can't we just decide on whatever that time's gonna be so we don't have to get confused? Now, I gotta start carrying a flask.

13:46 Drew You understand?

13:47 Cypress Hill Yeah, I'm about to say you gotta start from the hotel room.

13:50 Drew I agree with your point. However, couldn't you wait the 26 minutes to get into your seat when they start pouring the champagne for you anyway?

13:58 Adam Yeah, cause it's like you want the mimosas, mimosas.

14:02 Drew They'll make you a butt if you ask for it.

14:03 Adam Homos get drunk on mimosas, I'm a man.

14:06 Cypress Hill Actually, you want the pill to kick in with the alcohol right around that time.

14:08 Adam That's right, that's right. Boom, that's right.

14:11 Cypress Hill You remember, I sat next to you in the front.

14:12 Drew I was just thinking about that, Sen was delirious. Although, but during that three hour flight, we solved, world peace.

14:19 Cypress Hill Yeah, we did.

14:19 Drew World peace after our conversation.

14:20 Adam Too bad he doesn't remember anyway.

14:22 Cypress Hill Yeah.

14:22 Adam I know, you want the pill. Here's the thing, that booze is like the fertilizer that helps the little sapling pill grow in your belly. You know what I mean? You want that pill, drops as a seed, becomes a mighty oak tree of being effed up. The booze is the fertilizer that goes on top of that. If you can't get any booze, the seed dies in the soil, the barren soil, you understand? Here's the thing, here's all I'm saying. There's no way I can remember from what airport to what airport the bar opens. Let's just go ahead and call it 10 a.m. and I can get my booze on and let's move forward. You New Yorkers, by the way, should be outraged. All you ever do is brag about your goddamn city and how the party never ends over there. You don't talk about the part where you can't get a drink before noon at the airport.

15:05 Drew Don't their bars close at like five though?

15:07 Adam All right, but open, okay.

15:09 Drew This is something you gotta go on. They don't want people actually having seizures.

15:14 Adam I'm not flying the plane. I'm not, I'm just sitting on it. I'm cargo.

15:20 Drew Indeed, indeed.

15:22 Adam Indeed, just look.

15:23 Drew Here we go.

15:24 Adam Let's, no. Let, no. Pick a time. Let's just, let's pick a time you can F, a chick can get Fed, or a guy can get Fed. Call it 16, call it 18. It'll, it'll, nationwide, that'll be the age. And let's pick the time that the bar's open and closed. Let's do it all. Let's just standardize everything. Because here's the thing. There used to be all these different rules from state to state when people were taking covered wagons everywhere. Now it's 19 bucks. You get on a Southwest flight. You're somewhere, you know, 2,000 miles away. Everything's one big, it's one big state now. Let's just make everything the same. People are traveling around too much. Yes? It's confusing.

16:01 Drew Yes.

16:01 Cypress Hill What? You know, but they should have booze at all time available in the airport.

16:07 Adam Absolutely.

16:08 Drew The airport should be sort of international water.

16:10 Adam International water. Should be, there should be craps tables, booze, prostitution. It should be like the Vegas airport.

16:19 Drew Keep going.

16:20 Adam All right. What do you care, Drew? You're not going anywhere.

16:23 Drew You're right, that's right.

16:24 Adam The king of the hill in time for you. You're just getting paid while I'm talking.

16:28 Drew Daniel, Germany or Florida.

16:31 Adam You're 14, what's up?

16:34 Caller A man was trying to steal clothes donated to a charity, but he was arrested after he fell into the man-sized collection bin. Arriving at the container, the officer saw two arms. The left hand held a cigarette and a voice demanded to give me a light. A passerby had alerted them after hearing strange noises coming from the inside of the metal bin late at night. Police prevented the trapped 43-year-old from smoking and called the fire brigade to free him. They let him go after charging him with attempted robbery.

17:01 Adam All right, so somebody was trying to steal something out of like a Goodwill box.

17:06 Caller Yeah.

17:06 Adam All right, you did a horrible job of setting that up. Did this happen in Germany or Florida? I'm going Florida.

17:14 Drew I'm going Florida too. Gentlemen?

17:16 Adam Germany or Florida?

17:18 Florida.

17:18 Cypress Hill Germany, just to be different.

17:20 Drew All right, there we go.

17:21 Adam Daniel?

17:22 Caller Yeah, it was actually Germany.

17:27 It's a genius, I tell you.

17:30 Adam And Drew, I don't say this a lot about the guest. He has a gift. Clearly. Clearly. Clearly a gift on the Germany or Florida. You probably never even played Germany or Florida before.

17:41 Cypress Hill We just came from there last week.

17:42 Adam Oh, he knows.

17:43 Cypress Hill He knows.

17:44 Adam Okay, so you know there's a lot of sick ass going on there. Let's hear a song from Cypress Hill, yes? Yes? Chris? You ready to rock here? This is off of Till Death Do Us Part. And this one's called What's Your Number?

17:57 Drew Remember.

21:54 Adam Till death do us part. Name of the CD coming out this Tuesday. The guys are going to be on my dear, dear, dear, dear, dear friend Jimmy Kimmel show this Tuesday. So you can see them on Cypress Hill. I should say you can see Cypress Hill on Jimmy Kimmel Live this Tuesday. Dr. Drew here. Take a quick break, and we'll be right back after this. Loveline.

22:22 To find a testing location near you, call toll free 1-866-344-K-N-O-W.

22:41 Adam Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Send Dogg, DJ Muggs both here tonight from Cypress Hill till death do us part. Name of the CD.

22:50 Cypress Hill That's right. Gotta go get it. Tuesday morning, get up and go get it.

22:54 Adam Yeah. Set those alarms.

22:56 Cypress Hill Set those alarms.

22:58 Adam Get to that CD store early. I guess they open about nine or 10.

23:02 Caller Stand in line all night with a sleeping bag.

23:04 Adam Yeah. And do that thing where you stand in your sleeping bag and hop forward. So that's a white trash move right there in line in the sleeping bag. Oh, so I just got back from New York and you know what? I love the fact that everyone drives like a maniac in New York. I really appreciate it. And then LA, you get to LA and it's like all of a sudden I've just hit this ether patch or something. And everyone just, you wonder why this town is always in a gridlock and never seems to be moving. It's just, everyone just drags their ass here. Every driver, you guys, you guys travel, you get picked up at the airport. I got picked up, we got picked up in New York Wednesday night, nine, 10 o'clock at night. It was snowing in New York. The guy's weaving in and out of traffic. The guy's driving, it's like the streets of San Francisco. You know, there's ice on the road. It's sleet, it's snowing. He's doing 80 buzzing in and out of traffic. I was on the, we're driving home from the freeway, on the freeway about 3.30 today. And here's when you know it's bad. Like, you know when the wrong people are passing you? Like, you know, once in a while, a guy goes by you on a Ducati motorcycle and he's in a tuck position, fine. Then some guy goes flying past you in a Z or something, fine. I had a woman in a beige Taurus wagon with, like, a triple chin in her fifties that kind of looked like my mom with that bad short haircut. Just go blowing past us on the freeway. It's like, we're getting passed by fat, white, menopausal bitches in beige Taurus' now.

24:47 Caller Could you go a little faster?

24:49 Adam People are just buzzing past us. Like, that doesn't bother you as a driver. I actually said to him, I said, look, what's the speed limit at a certain point? He said 65. I go, could we do that? Could we at least do that? And he got us into the diamond lane. And by the way, here's the guy I need shot at. The guy, and you guys, dog, you got, I mean, you know people, right?

25:13 Cypress Hill We got plenty of people, whatever you need, man.

25:15 Adam The same guy who does the hood piercings could probably take this a-hole out. These are the guys who drive in the diamond lane. Eight miles an hour slower than the posted speed limit. You're in the diamond lane and everybody is blowing past you in the other lanes. There's nothing, that's rape. That's rape to a man. When you're sitting in the diamond lane and the rest of the freeway is blowing past you and the guy who's driving is going, hey, we're in the diamond lane. Like, what do you want, what do you want me to do? Like, I, they got the double line. I can't get over. It's just, I, I just, I crawl. I can't, what goes on? What do these guys do?

25:53 Cypress Hill They're trying to pick off on purpose.

25:55 Adam Is, is, is it, is it, is it attack? Is it emotional attack? Are they coming after me? Is that what it is? Are they just all on quiet?

26:02 Cypress Hill Not just you, man. That happens to me all the time, too.

26:05 Adam But what goes on in New York? What do they know that we don't know over here? What's, how come they're in a hurry? How come they want to arrive? What are we scared of? They know how to drive. I gotta blame the cops. I blame the cops. I don't think they write tickets. Not in the city. In the city of New York, there's no tickets. And here, all we do is talk about, you know, we got those stupid signs. You pass by that says, you know, you're going 43, mom, who cares? There's nobody around. Oh, and it's like you pass that thing and it's like, it's, you're going 43.

26:36 Caller Oh, I'm gonna turn myself in. Shut up.

26:41 Adam Would you start busting crack heads or something, you idiots? Oh gee whiz, I'm going 41 and a 35. Who cares?

26:50 Drew In New York, this seems like it's only professional drivers on the street too.

26:53 Adam Yeah, well it's either your professional driver or you soon become a professional driver because you've entered the ranks of professional drivers. Like, it's like Indianapolis 500, you just drove on to the infield. You gotta get, you're gonna get ran over by the crowd.

27:11 Drew Exactly what it is.

27:12 Adam I blame the cops. Let's go, let's just get the town moving, would ya? Stop threatening to pull everyone over all the time and don't tell us how fast we're going, who cares? You know, how are those chicken ass signs? What do those things cost? Couple hundred grand? You're going 42 miles, who cares? And what am I supposed to do? Go home and start crying or flog myself? All right, Drew, what happened?

27:37 Caller You just, you just, you just.

27:42 Drew What?

27:43 Adam Drew's like, what are you nervous about? Are you nervous about something?

27:47 Drew No, it's just like, well. Dave?

27:52 Cypress Hill Dave.

27:52 Drew 22.

27:54 Cypress Hill Hello, long, first of all, a long time listener and first time caller. You guys have seen me through many dark nights.

28:02 Adam But a long time stoner too, right?

28:05 Cypress Hill No, actually not tonight, man.

28:07 Drew Yeah, I understand not tonight, but long time, long time.

28:10 Cypress Hill Just really tired.

28:11 Drew Long time stoner. He sounds just like one of the cast members of the Orange County TV show, doesn't he? I just, I envision him as being at those parties and.

28:18 Adam Those, see?

28:19 Drew Yeah.

28:19 Adam No, that's a good looking blonde people.

28:21 Cypress Hill Oh, okay.

28:22 Caller Dave's a very unattractive stoner.

28:24 Cypress Hill Hey, there you go.

28:25 Drew From Santa Ana.

28:26 Cypress Hill I was calling cause I lost, I lost my sex drive. Me and my girl have been together a little bit over five years and just a lot of those been coming up from not with me and her, but just the whole fact that we've been together for five, five and a half years. And you're basically done.

28:55 Adam This guy basically, hold on a second. Listen, okay. You know, listen, listening to Dave, this is what I felt like in the backseat of this car with the Taurus blowing by. It's like, go, go, go, go. You know that feeling just like I'm trapped in this, just like those dreams where you're running in sand and a giant is chasing you. What it's like being, this is what, Dave, Dave, were you driving my car?

29:22 Cypress Hill No, man, I just, I look at it like I don't want to be tied down to one person that there's still a lot of life to live with other people.

29:30 Drew That's fine, that would be normal, Dave. Oh, no, and Dave's living life.

29:33 Adam I mean, I'm picturing Dave on the French Riviera.

29:38 Cypress Hill I may not be the best looking, but I know how to talk to the ladies.

29:41 Adam No, I know, I'm picturing you sort of a James Bond, Pierce Brosnan type, you know?

29:46 Cypress Hill Not necessarily, to be honest, I could put it off more like an Adam Carolla or Jimmy Kimmel, you know, I got the-

29:53 Drew Oh yeah, Adam Carolla, yeah, now we're talking.

29:56 Cypress Hill I got the velvet crown, you know?

29:59 Cypress Hill Hey dog, so did you like actually lose your sex drive or you just don't want to do it with your old lady no more?

30:04 Cypress Hill No, I just, in Cypress Hill, much, much love to all of you guys.

30:10 Cypress Hill Right on, dog.

30:11 Cypress Hill You guys are down, you know, down for it.

30:13 Cypress Hill You'd really be a lot prouder of you got in there and smacked some ass around.

30:16 Caller Yeah, none of us disappoint Cypress Hill, you know?

30:21 Cypress Hill Well, you know-

30:22 Cypress Hill Come on, Dave, look it up.

30:24 Cypress Hill No, I'm not gay, because if I was, I'd be going after it. Our asses would all be bleeding, I'd be going after it.

30:34 Caller What I'm trying to say is-

30:36 Adam Hold on, by the way, that's a great argument for not being gay, like, listen, I'm not gay, because if I was, I'd be corn-holing you right now.

30:44 Caller Right now.

30:45 Adam It's like, okay, I guess you're not gay.

30:48 Caller That's quite an argument.

30:49 Adam You're quite compelling, yeah.

30:50 Drew I think Muggs has a point here, he's smoking too much pot, he's not into this girlfriend.

30:53 Adam But Muggs says you're smoking too much pot, too.

30:56 Drew Yeah, I mean, that's, you know.

30:58 Adam You're smoking pot, yeah.

30:59 Drew That's what I'm talking about.

31:00 Adam That's what I'm talking about.

31:02 Drew And look, in this relationship since he was 17, these things are so supposed to end, they're supposed to end. Probably should have ended four years ago, or three years ago at least.

31:11 Adam And Dave, I don't know, Dave, not much in the looks department, but the velvet tongue.

31:17 Drew Another auctioneer, absolutely. Yeah, this guy talks it up.

31:21 Adam He's a supermodel right out of her skirt.

31:23 Cypress Hill You know what always works great for me, Dave, is get yourself a hood rat.

31:28 Drew He's back to the hood piercing thing again.

31:31 Adam All right, Dave. Dave, where are you working, buddy? What do you do for a living?

31:35 Cypress Hill I'm a real estate agent.

31:36 Adam Real estate agent?

31:38 Cypress Hill For real?

31:39 Adam Yeah. He does mostly gardening sheds, though. What do you, you sell any houses, Dave?

31:46 Cypress Hill Yeah. Hey, Dave.

31:51 Drew I can see you.

31:52 Adam Talking to Dave.

31:53 Drew Hey, Dave, come on.

31:54 Adam Go to bed.

31:57 Cypress Hill Yeah.

31:59 Drew Remember, he's the one talking them into it.

32:01 Caller Oh, Dave. Yeah.

32:02 Adam Like I said, not much to look at, but the velvety tongue. Oh, yeah. He's got the rap down.

32:08 Caller The velvety tongue, Dave.

32:09 Adam I like when the guys who are explaining to you, they have the rap with the ladies and you've been talking to them for 10 minutes about ready to kill yourself. It's like, really? It doesn't sound like you got the gift of gab. Not the one you think you do. Ruthie, also, let me say something else. Dave's one of these guys, he's been off the market for five years. He's had himself a girlfriend since high school. He's 20 now.

32:35 Cypress Hill Oh, man, he's still on the honeymoon.

32:36 Drew No, no, he thinks.

32:37 Adam He may think his stock is a little higher than it actually is. Because he's like, hey, man, I've had a chick for five years, I'll just bust up with her. Word will get out on the streets that Big Dave is a free man and the phone will be ringing off the hook. Six months on the out on the streets. He might be back with the with the ex. Yeah.

32:59 Caller Yeah. Yeah. Ruthie?

33:02 Yeah.

33:03 Adam You're 18?

33:04 Caller Yes.

33:05 Adam What's happening?

33:07 Caller Not a whole lot. All right. So you go out with Dave?

33:12 Adam Yeah.

33:13 Caller What? I don't know Dave.

33:15 Adam You don't know Dave?

33:16 Caller No. I have a problem with my so-called boyfriend right now though. We've been going out for like nine months now, but I haven't talked to him since January and he just so happens to have moved to a different state.

33:31 Mm-hmm.

33:32 Adam You haven't talked to him since January?

33:35 Caller Yeah. I haven't talked to him since January.

33:37 Adam So you guys are broken up.

33:38 Drew Yeah. Whatever he is, he's not your boyfriend. That's it. He's gone.

33:41 Caller No, because I've talked to his best friend that he's known all his life and I told him.

33:46 Drew I don't care what the best friend says, Ruthie. That is absurd to think that there's still a relationship going on. Maybe this guy can't tell you the truth or maybe he does. Maybe he...

33:56 Adam Maybe he's trying to screw you.

33:57 Drew That's what I'm thinking.

33:58 Adam Or, yeah, he's just trying to be kind.

34:02 Drew Whatever it is. Listen, three months without any contact means termination.

34:08 Adam Period.

34:10 Drew Yeah, it is sad. It's sad that he's not man enough to tell you that and you have to sort of draw your conclusion.

34:14 Adam It's sad that you're not smart enough to figure it out.

34:16 Drew But it's like, it's like, like, well, my job right now, I haven't been at work since December, but I'm a computer...

34:21 Adam No. You don't have a job.

34:22 Drew That job doesn't exist anymore.

34:24 Adam And you don't have a boyfriend.

34:26 Caller Should I call him and tell him that we...

34:28 Adam Oh, he knows. He's known since January.

34:32 Caller Keep it moving, Ruth.

34:34 Adam What's up, baby doll?

34:35 Caller Not a whole lot.

34:36 Adam You're a big gal? This is the work of a gal with a big ass. Do you have a large ass?

34:42 Caller I do. Why?

34:45 Caller Just hold on a second.

34:46 Adam This is the work of a woman with a wide ass. You know what I'm saying?

34:52 Drew The three of us don't want anything to do with this conversation.

34:53 Adam But you know what I'm talking about. This ain't a supermodel.

34:57 Drew Whatever. She's somebody who...

34:59 Adam This is a big ass move...

35:00 Drew .is clinging to hope because there's not much else going on, which she freely admits.

35:05 Adam I was impressed by that.

35:07 I can hear what her big ass says.

35:09 Adam Ruthie?

35:10 Caller Yes?

35:10 Adam All right, baby. Now, what's going on with your self-esteem?

35:14 Caller My self-esteem?

35:15 Adam Yeah.

35:16 Caller Oh, I'm fine.

35:17 Adam You're feeling good about yourself?

35:18 Caller Yeah. I'm not like...

35:21 Caller I'm not huge. I weigh 130 pounds. No, but you're big.

35:25 Adam You're fat. But big hands, though, right?

35:29 Caller I don't have a big ass.

35:31 Adam It's misshapen.

35:32 Caller Unfortunately, I guess you could say that.

35:34 Adam It's interesting. I got to say, I got one of my balls hangs lower than the other.

35:43 Drew But proportionally.

35:43 Adam Proportionally.

35:45 Drew You barely notice it.

35:46 Caller Yeah, it's hard to notice.

35:48 Caller No, I'm not fat at all.

35:49 Adam All right. No, I'm not calling you fat. I'm just, I was picturing a plump ass. I don't know why.

35:54 Drew A lot of guys are into that.

35:55 Adam A lot of guys are into that. The same, probably the same guy could get you the hood piercing. Sen Doggo is probably into that bubble ass. No.

36:03 Caller Yeah, Ruthie.

36:05 Adam All right. So you're living in Washington. You're 18. Mm-hmm. Junior college?

36:14 Drew Where are you going next? What's your plan for next year? Where are you planning to go next year?

36:19 Caller Edmonds.

36:21 Drew Of course.

36:21 Adam Edmonds, Edmonds Junior College?

36:24 Caller Edmonds, yeah.

36:25 Drew Yeah.

36:25 Adam Okay. All right. I smell Junior College like I smell a big ass at Drew.

36:30 Drew You're never wrong.

36:31 Adam Never wrong. I either, here's the thing, at 18, I figured she was already in a JC but I can smell, I can even smell.

36:39 Drew You smell JC the way I smell alcohol.

36:41 Adam I can smell when you're bound for a JC. All right. So Ruthie, he's gone. Don't even dignify it with a phone call.

36:49 Drew Right.

36:50 Adam Move on.

36:50 Drew There we go.

36:51 Adam Find a new guy, no problem.

36:53 Drew No problem.

36:54 Adam And you got to do better than Junior College.

36:56 Drew Yeah. That's more important than the guys.

36:58 Adam Here's the thing. All you guys that are seniors in high school right now who say next year I'll be going to Junior College, here's what you do. Save yourself some book money and have yourself frozen. It's really just the same thing. It's like saying, look, I'm 18. I don't know what the F I want to do with my life. I don't really feel like getting a job. I don't want to join the military. That's going to suck. I don't have any family members that have like sofa factories or anything. I can go work at and I don't have the grades to go to regular college. So I'm just going to go here for a couple of years. I'll just live at home, tolerate my stepmom and live and do a little work, deal a little weed out of the snack shack. Instead, save yourself, have yourself frozen because it's really that's what junior college is. It's like just just freeze yourself for three years until you figure out to get some gig to get on somewhere.

37:48 Drew Fantastic.

37:48 Adam Just freeze yourself. Pour liquid nitrogen on yourself while you're still in high school.

37:54 Drew I'm not sure that's a good idea.

37:55 Adam Really?

37:55 Drew Your skin will just burn off.

37:56 Adam I'm no scientist, Drew, but I think I know how to freeze a senior. Let's take a break. Cypress Hill is here tonight. We'll hear something else off the new CD in the 11 o'clock hour. Take a quick break. We'll be right back.

38:10 Loveline. We'll be right back.

38:37 Adam Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Cypress Hill.

38:41 Caller In the house, yeah.

38:42 Adam DJ Mug, Send Dogg here tonight. The new CD, Tell Death Do Us Part, is out on Tuesday, that is this Tuesday, the 23rd. You get in line Monday night and you do that sleeping bag hop we're talking about. And that way, soon as the doors crack open, pow, you're in there because it's going to be a stampede of youngins trying to get their hands on these CDs. They're going to go fast too. That is a Tuesday, also Tuesday night, then you can see them on Jimmy Kimmel Live performing. So, Big Cypress Hill Tuesday. All right, let's get back to the phones and speak to Sterling, who's 24. Sterling?

39:24 Caller What's up, how are you guys doing tonight?

39:26 Adam Good.

39:26 Caller I want to say what's up to the boys of Cypress Hill for great records, especially Black Sunday, got to give it up. But I have a question real quick. I've been dating this girl for a little while and we kind of had a talk tonight about finally having sex and she told me that she had herpes. And now she feels like she can only contract it if she has an outbreak, but I'm just calling to see if that's true or not.

39:53 Drew Okay, put him on hold for a second. I will answer your question, so listen carefully. Does he sound bogus to you?

39:59 Adam No, I don't know. I don't know. Is he sound bogus to you?

40:05 Drew I don't know. Something wasn't ringing authentic for me.

40:09 Adam Maybe it is. It doesn't sound bogus because it's so boring. You know what I mean?

40:14 Drew But the whole rap that went along with it.

40:16 Adam Sometimes people rehearse and God bless them. It's like an acceptance speech. Golden Globes or something. They go through their thanks.

40:26 Drew So here's the deal. Here's the deal. The outbreak, yes, if she has an outbreak, you will contract herpes. You shouldn't have any sexual contact. You can transmit it to your mouth. You can get around a condom. You'll get the outbreak. If she is... What?

40:38 Adam Well, if she's having an outbreak.

40:39 Drew If she's not having an outbreak, you still can contract it. But a condom is pretty good at protecting you from that. You won't have so much virus around.

40:49 Adam And you got to keep in mind when the new partner's pieces meet, sometimes it starts up the old snow globe down there. You know what I'm saying? That vagina is like a snow globe.

41:02 Drew Yeah, that's why you shook it up.

41:03 Adam You shook it up. Pow! There's more... There's all that virus floating around and stuff. Yeah.

41:11 Drew It's called the snow globe theory of viral dissemination.

41:15 Adam Sendog's got a guy who can get a snow globe hood piercing if the price is right.

41:20 Caller He makes mouth condoms, too.

41:21 Caller Pretty funny, Adam, how you talk about putting your dork up against the snow globe and how the people in the crowd would be scared of it because it was so big. Oh, really?

41:31 Adam That's an old ram.

41:32 Drew Certainly just to be just so I just test my radar a little bit. Fine question, no problem, but do you really have that girlfriend or was it just a reason to call the show?

41:40 Caller No, it's, like I say, it's just something we've been talking about and I'm worried about for the future, so...

41:45 Adam Drew, what do you mean, test your radar?

41:46 Drew I just want to see if my radar's working. It's not.

41:48 Adam Your radar hasn't worked in years. It works. Well, you never know what anyone's talking about.

41:53 Drew That's different.

41:54 Adam That's a different radar. Yeah. But you do have a good bogus radar.

41:58 Drew That's what I'm talking about. That's what I was clueling into.

42:01 Adam Right. It's funny because Drew can tell a bogus phone call. He's very good at tapping into that. Other than that, he has almost no human instincts at all. He never knows anything. I don't know what people are talking about. No. You know one of these good robotic things that Drew will do is we get a lot of guests in here. We'll have guests. Rod Stewart will come in here. Then we'll get some fifth neighbor on some WB show that no one gives a rat's hiney about. Let's face it. We've got to keep the night filled up. Once in a while, producer Anne will grab the camera. If Rod Stewart blows through here, she'll go grab the camera. We'll get a picture with Rod Stewart. But if some fifth rate D-list celebrity blows through here, producer Anne doesn't get the camera, we'll all be leaving and Drew will always stop and go, Anne, don't you want to get a picture with us and miss You'll Never Hear Of Again? Then Anne will always go, she'll look down and then look at the person and go, yeah, I forgot. Let me get the camera. Then she'll have to go take the camera.

43:10 Drew You guys better hope the camera's out when you're leaving. You know exactly what Adam's thinking about you guys. You guys.

43:17 Adam No, we got a ton of pictures of Cypress Hill already.

43:20 Drew Yeah, of course, of course, a ton, a ton.

43:22 Adam That damn office is lined with pictures of Cypress Hill. Anne, get that camera.

43:30 Drew These guys aren't laughing.

43:33 Cypress Hill I'm just hoping she's got the camera.

43:35 She'll get the camera.

43:37 Adam Anne, get the camera. All right, let's talk to Liz who's 15. Liz? What's up?

43:46 Not much. I have a problem, which is, I guess, why most people call you. My mom is, like, really obsessed with... Have you heard of Dennis Kucinich, who's running for president?

43:58 Drew He was running for president, yeah.

44:00 Yeah, you know, he's still in the race. Like, he's still working on the campaign. And she has pictures of him everywhere, like in her room, like in the living room. And she works on his campaign all the time. I mean, he's obviously not going to win. And she watches his DVDs, his movies. And I really think she's like in love with him.

44:17 Adam How many movies does he have?

44:19 Yeah, he's got like all kinds of little videos that she copies and hands out.

44:24 Adam Listen, I really don't think he's in the race anymore.

44:27 No, I'm pretty sure he is, because we were rallying like in San Francisco on the 20th, and there were a whole bunch of people with Kucinich shirts and everything. There was like a group of middle-aged women screaming, you know, Dennis Kucinich, but I don't know, maybe he's not.

44:41 Adam All right, so your mom's a crackpot. That's right. Look, when you get older, you realize your parents are nuts, and you should have never listened.

44:48 No, I already know that, though.

44:49 Adam Okay, now you're old enough to realize. I was 15 when I started to realize my parents were idiots. And, uh, Drew, when did you realize your parents were idiots? 13? 12? Whatever it was. As soon as they were done paying for college, you realized they were idiots. Try to kiss ass till they're done paying for college. That's what you realize. You realize they're dumb or losers or idiots or crackpots. It's always a little disappointing. And now you've realized that. That's good. You can move on.

45:21 Yeah, but it's sort of affecting my sanity because it's 24-7.

45:26 Drew Where's your dad?

45:28 My parents are divorced and my mom has a boyfriend who lives with us.

45:32 Drew Where's your dad?

45:33 He's in Mountain View.

45:35 Drew Can you talk to him?

45:37 Not really.

45:39 He, I don't know. We don't have a very good relationship.

45:43 Drew But your mom, look, this may be a healthy obsession. Maybe she's bipolar.

45:47 Adam At least she's not obsessed with Charles Manson. It's just a crappy politician.

45:53 Drew It's sort of her job.

45:54 Caller He's not crappy, though.

45:55 He's awesome. I think he's awesome.

45:58 Adam Yeah, I know. He's a delight. I'm just saying, I don't know, it sounds like maybe Liz has been bit by the percentage bug herself. OK, look, if you don't want to go to the rally, don't go to the rally. Just go to high school. OK, let me say something to all you kids out there with your crazy parents and your broken families and your evil stepdads. You get involved with school, you start playing sports, and here's your schedule. You get up seven in the morning, get your ass together, you go to school. School finishes about three, and then after that, whatever practice starts. Band practice, football, volleyball. You do whatever until like six, seven o'clock at night. You come home, you waved your stepdad, you eat your dinner, you go to your room, you do some homework, you beat off. You eat a little more, you beat off again. Then you double down on the beat. Then you go to bed, and you start the same thing. You never talk to anybody at your house. You just go past them, they're just like strangers you're room with. You don't get them pissed off, don't freak them out. You get your grades good, and you go far away to college.

47:02 Drew You never see the crazy people anymore. If you don't feel that way about yourself, do try to talk to them.

47:07 Adam You can talk to them if you like them, but the majority of our listeners don't. Take a quick break, Cypress Hill, tonight. Be right back after this.

47:14 Caller All right, guys, here's the deal. Looking to hook up?

47:17 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:18 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:19 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:20 Caller One call is all you need to make.

47:22 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:23 Caller 1-877-889-DATE.

47:27 Caller You know what I'm saying, I'm dead?

47:29 Caller Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline.

47:55 Adam Hey, yo, it's Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Cypress Hill, in the Hizzy tonight, Drew.

48:07 Drew Krsztizy. How was Snoop? Did we use the Snoop at the Comedy Central thing?

48:12 Adam I saw my main man Snoop, he was performing with, he had Bishop Don Magic-Wan out on stage with his Chalice of Champale.

48:25 Drew What color sparkly suit and top hat?

48:29 Adam It's usually green. Now it's green and gold because green is for the money and gold is for the honey. You understand? Yeah, I had a chance to go cruising with Don Magic-Wan in his green and gold caddy when we were doing a man show, show bit when it was ridiculous. He's got a, well, here's the thing about Don Magic-Wan, Bishop Don Magic-Wan is the guy who is Snoop's spiritual advisor, his guru. He just, you know, he wears like gold LeMay suits and has a, he drinks out of a chalice, by the way, and there's something, there's some, I don't know, somehow the chalice enables you to drink and drive, like if I'm sitting there holding a Mickey's big mouth, I'm going to get popped for an old open container, but Bishop Don Magic-Wan can drive around with that chalice full of champagne all day long and nothing ever happens to him.

49:36 Drew Does his car have a chalice holder?

49:38 Adam Yeah, I guess it would be. Anything you put in a chalice technically becomes a chalice holder. But it's, you know, it's like a gold leaf tumbler with rhinestones stuck to it. He's got huge rings all over him and he just stands around smiling, a big gold tooth, and always seems to be in a good mood. Why wouldn't he be in a good mood? He just stands next to Snoop. I don't know if Snoop pays him like by the song or by the, by the morsel, the nugget, the pearl of it, the pearl of wisdom that passes forth. I don't know how he gets paid. All I know is if you want Snoop to show up at your gig, you better pay for Don Magic Juan and Snoop's uncle now, by the way. Oh yeah. Snoop's uncle. Uncle Junebug. Uncle Junebug. He's on stage. There's 50 Snoop performs. There's like nine guys just standing around like, who's this guy? That's my gym coach from junior high. That's my stepdad. This guy we just met on the way to the theater. It's not just standing out on stage with him. I got to get to that point in my career, Drew, where I'm going out on stage and I have four or five guys to just stand there. Yeah, that is that. That's what I want to join that posse.

50:54 Caller That's why I want to be one of those guys.

50:56 Adam I want to be the guy who just kind of hangs out. Yeah, just, you know. And then look, it's not like, you know, at least like if you're a white guy, you got to give the guy tambourine or something. You know what I mean? It's like, come on, get busy, dude. You got to look like you're doing something out here. You can't just be standing around. You got to be playing that hollowed out fish or something, you know, like Linda McCartney or something. Like, oh, baby, just go over there. Come on, just go ahead and smack the tambourine a little, do something. No, not Snoop. Those guys just stand there. Smiling. Just smiling and laughing. And everyone, people scared to ask him. And the problem is, like white people, we don't know who's who. So we're like, you, you, you must be Bishop John, John Magic, uh, Don Ho. Anyway, I'm delighted with your music, you know, they don't know that, no, this guy doesn't do anything. I've been to his apartment too, Bishop Don Magic White. He drives, you know, like a, you know, Gold Bentley around, but he lives in a crappy one bedroom apartment. And, uh, it's finally about a mile from here, Drew. We can swing by. Oh yeah. You know where he lives. Just see that you'll see the caddy out front and the smoke coming from it.

52:05 Drew All right.

52:06 Adam That's a good time. So yeah, said hi to Snoop and he performed at this gig I did on Friday. All right. You ready to go here, Drew?

52:15 Drew Let's do it.

52:16 Adam Blake?

52:17 Caller Yeah.

52:17 Adam You're 15?

52:18 Caller Yeah.

52:19 Adam What's happening?

52:21 Caller Well, first I want to say Cypress Hill, I'm going to see you when you come to Kansas City. Blink away to you and stuff. And Adam and Drew, you guys are great. Thank you. My question is, with masturbation, can you do it so much to where you can mess something up or anything like that?

52:38 Drew Yeah. You can sort of break the skin down and you can cause-

52:42 Adam He's talking about his comforter.

52:44 Drew Oh, you can mess that up right away.

52:46 Adam Yeah.

52:46 Drew But you get your urethral irritation, you can irritate your prostate, all kinds of things you can sort of irritate and-

52:51 Adam What are you going for, Blake? What can we put you down for a day?

52:56 Caller Well, normally it's like maybe twice, but I'm just saying if over time you do it too much, or not over time, but too much in one day.

53:07 Adam What kind of numbers are we talking about?

53:09 Caller Well, actually the most I've probably ever done on a board day is probably like five or something like that.

53:14 Adam Five?

53:15 Caller Yeah.

53:15 Caller You've got carpal tunnel syndrome in your hand.

53:17 Adam What about your hand? I used to have to unpeel my hand from my penis one finger at a time, like they had, like there were like pipe cleaners, like they had wire in them. Yeah. You know?

53:29 Drew You got to that point?

53:30 Adam I got to that point where actually, and then eventually I just started saying, why take my hand out of a semi-fist position? Why not just leave it that way?

53:38 Drew Why take your hand off your penis? It seemed like that's what you finally got to.

53:40 Adam Well, sometimes I had to go outdoors and stuff, so I'd have to pull it off, but I'd leave my hand in the semi-fist position, like an action figure.

53:47 Drew That's why I sent you for the operation. You didn't tell me about the kung-fu grip, all right?

53:52 Adam All right, he's fine. You don't wear those parts out, do you?

53:57 Drew No. Well, you can irritate things with your heart.

53:59 Caller You're a normal young man.

54:01 Adam Michael?

54:02 Hello?

54:03 Adam You're 17?

54:04 Caller Yeah, what's up?

54:05 Adam What's up?

54:05 Caller Hey, Dr. Drew?

54:07 Drew Hey, Michael?

54:08 Caller I'm looking at a picture of you right now, and you are hot.

54:11 Adam Yeah, he's a good-looking man. He's a passionate man, too.

54:17 Caller Oh, very passionate.

54:20 Drew Well, he kind of wants to talk about his mental illness.

54:23 Adam Oh, yeah, you give Drew a compliment.

54:24 Drew No, no, but I mean, it's sort of consistent with not being well.

54:27 Adam Michael, you have a mental illness?

54:29 Caller Yeah, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and I was just wondering if the doctor told me I could never drink again, because it could cause manic episodes.

54:40 Drew That's true, especially if you're brittle bipolar, if you tend towards rapid cycles and easily flip into manias, any kind of…

54:47 Adam Is that brittle? That's called a brittle bipolar?

54:49 Drew Well, it's like brittle diabetic, it's just rapid cycling.

54:53 Caller I can never have a beer or a drink again?

54:55 Drew Well, at least until you've been stable for a long time, and then the question is, are you an alcoholic? And if you are, and that's also sort of confounding your bipolar illness, obviously alcohol will be a problem if you're exposed to it at all.

55:08 Adam Well, you're 17, right?

55:09 Caller Yeah, I mean, I never drink a lot. Every time I drink, I used to like cry or have problems drinking.

55:15 Drew You're 17.

55:16 Caller I've never been good with it. All right.

55:18 Adam Well, don't do it then.

55:20 Caller How about marijuana?

55:22 Drew Same thing. Marijuana can really destabilize bipolar, unfortunately.

55:25 Caller So like even when I'm in college next year and everything, I've just got to sit at home while all my friends go out to the parties?

55:31 Drew No, I didn't say that. I said you've got to be very, very careful with substances. And if you're an addict, that needs to be dealt with as a separate issue. But if you have-

55:38 Adam Well, what college are you going to next year?

55:40 Caller I want to go to University of Michigan, probably.

55:43 Adam You want to go there?

55:44 Caller I'm probably- yeah, it's one of my schools.

55:48 Drew Well, you're a senior?

55:49 Caller Yeah.

55:50 Drew Well, you should have already applied and you should be waiting to hear.

55:53 Caller No, I'm actually a junior.

55:56 Adam You're in the 11th grade now? Oh, okay.

56:00 Caller So I don't know. I looked at that. I looked at Northwestern. I looked at Washington University and St. Louis.

56:06 Drew All good schools.

56:07 Caller Maybe I see, but I don't know, do you, I really have to never drink again?

56:12 Drew Michael, I'm not your doctor. Your doctor told you it will destabilize your bipolar. That it certainly will. If you're an alcoholic or an addict, yes, you should not be drinking ever again. Can you ever be exposed to a substance again if you're not an addict alcoholic? You possibly could if your bipolar stays stable for a long, long time.

56:28 Adam If I couldn't drink tonight, I'd kill myself right now.

56:31 Caller I know.

56:31 Adam If you told me I couldn't drink later tonight.

56:33 Caller Yeah.

56:35 Adam No, man, I got my booze on that airplane today, boy. Free booze.

56:40 Caller I'll tell you that nothing, nothing.

56:42 Adam And when you're white trash like me, that free booze thing, that is a big deal. That's a huge deal. You can't turn down free booze.

56:51 Drew When you're white trash like you.

56:53 Adam You can't. I mean, if free booze is such a huge, it's booze. It's got two, it's got the two elements. It's got the booze and the free thing. You know, free food, tough enough for the white trash gene to get past, you know. I don't care if you're on a diet or you're full or whatever it is, if there's some free food somewhere, you got to take some. I got a gift basket. I had to rape the gift basket to get it into the bag today. We're leaving. Comedy Central sent me a gift basket. It was a bottle of champagne. I drank that at the hotel. And then there's a bunch of little pears, little Bailey's bottles, some little fruits and cheeses and stuff. My wife's like, what are you going to do with that? What am I going to do with it? I'm getting it into the bag. What do you mean? I was like, listen, start pulling the stuff out and stuffing it in different compartments in the bag. We get home, we open it, and I got a crushed pear and a $2 bottle, mini bottle of Bailey's. It's like, I can't leave food behind and I can't leave booze behind either.

57:53 Drew My wife, by the way, has been listening to you lately and we had a dinner party last night at our house and pies showed up.

57:59 Adam Mm, smart. So your wife's been listening and bought pies instead of cake and had those pies. How was your pie experience, Drew?

58:06 Drew Excellent.

58:07 Adam Excellent.

58:07 Drew Pie, kind of pie we never talk about, but she mentioned she likes it. I like to blueberry pie.

58:11 Adam Blueberry.

58:12 Drew Yeah, it's good.

58:13 Adam Nothing wrong with blueberry.

58:14 Drew Good blueberry?

58:15 Adam Not, well, okay, but no, it's no fair saying good. You know, everyone gets in this argument where they go, what fruit's the best or something? They go, I like a plum. And then they go, so I like a nectarine. And then someone goes, you cannot beat a good blood red. I mean, like a, like when it's perfectly, it's no fair saying good. They all have to be the same level. If we're going to compete, you can't have a mealy peach against my excellent banana.

58:41 Drew There was a peach and a blueberry, the blueberry one.

58:43 Adam Oh, really? Blueberry is good with some ice cream too. You guys like that pie ala mode? Yeah, that's the best. When you're stoned, have you guys got stoned before?

58:54 Cypress Hill Yeah, I got stoned tonight.

58:56 Adam All right. I see. Okay. So you have.

58:59 Drew I'm very tolerable.

59:00 Adam When you're in a good state, you take that apple pie or that boysenberry pie and you put it in the microwave for 30, 40 seconds. You put that big scoop of vanilla ice cream on it and it starts bleeding off the side. Then the blueberry or the boysenberry and then you got that white vanilla and it's just all starting to mix together in the bottom, making that, oh. But you guys, you don't get the munchies when you get stoned, do you?

59:29 Cypress Hill No, I got that already dominated, man.

59:31 Caller I graduated from that.

59:32 Adam That's done. Yeah, because that's a rookie move there, right?

59:35 Cypress Hill That's high school stuff.

59:36 Adam That's high school. Get stoned. We're going to Tommy's. Get stoned. I'm going to take a whole bag of Cheetos to my head.

59:43 Drew You know, they've finally now been working. They've done enough research.

59:46 Adam That's rookie stuff.

59:47 Drew Not in this country, by the way, but they've finally done enough research in marijuana to understand where it is in the brain that that activates, where the appetite is stimulated like that. It's really comfort food. It's like nurturance food. And now they have blocking agents for that. And so when you take it, you don't want to smoke cigarettes. You don't want to smoke pot. You don't want to eat.

1:00:02 Adam Well, how about we sprinkle some of that in on the load?

1:00:06 Drew No, I'm saying how about we sprinkle it in like, some of it would be sprayed across the country because there's always a problem with obesity. And by the way, everyone in the country is obese now. What happened to the commercials I had to grow up with and listen to most of my adult life? About 10 million children go to bed hungry every night in America. Hunger in America is the biggest problem of the world.

1:00:24 Adam Now everyone's fat.

1:00:25 Drew What the hell? What with second hand smoke?

1:00:28 Adam I don't know. Look, are we fat? Are we hungry? What is it? But I do know that the seasoned marijuana smoker does not get the munchies. By the way, you couldn't because you'd be 1,100 pounds. Sendog would be 1,400-1,500 pounds. You'd have to bring them in here on a forklift.

1:00:50 Cypress Hill You'd have to cut in my house.

1:00:53 Adam I would do one of those moves like on Geraldo where you have to take out a bay window and it would get you out.

1:01:00 Cypress Hill Yeah, I learned to dominate that real early. You know what I mean? Because when you're a stoner, either you got money or you got weed, never both. So, you get high and then you're busted and you don't get paid until you go home.

1:01:12 Adam That's right. You don't get food.

1:01:14 Drew You can't do both.

1:01:15 Adam Yeah, but now you could afford the burgers and the weed though, right?

1:01:19 Cypress Hill Yeah, but I kind of like filet mignon and lobsters and stuff.

1:01:24 Drew Oh, spoiled. They're ruined.

1:01:32 Adam No, I've been cultured. You still want the Tommy's burger, don't you? You know what I mean?

1:01:36 Caller No, not me, man.

1:01:38 Drew You're lightweight, dude. You're lightweight. You're white trash too.

1:01:40 Adam Yeah, that's white trash. Yeah, it's lightweight.

1:01:43 Caller All right. All right.

1:01:47 Adam Shall we hear a song? Yeah. Yeah? Little Cypress Hill. Cypress Hill, Chris, feeling good about this? This is off of Till Death Do Us Part, which is coming out this Tuesday when they're on Jimmy Kimmel Live, by the way. And this song is called Busted in the Hood. Cypress Hill, everybody. This will be a big album for Cypress Hill. I can feel it in my blood. Drew, you know I'm never wrong?

1:06:15 Drew Never. Better curse it.

1:06:17 Adam If I put a curse on it, it's going triple platinum. But again, I have to feel the curse. I can't just manufacture the curse.

1:06:26 Drew You have 40 minutes to feel it.

1:06:27 Adam You see what I'm saying?

1:06:28 Drew Yeah.

1:06:29 Adam I like Cypress Hill. I can't put the curse on it. Any band I put a curse on goes triple platinum. But again, it's like saying, it's like when I gamble, it's like saying, all right, all I got to do is think of the team I want to bet on. And then I just bet on the opposite. And that's how I'll win because I always lose, but it doesn't work that way.

1:06:47 Drew You lose it no matter what.

1:06:48 Adam I lose no matter what. I can't figure that out. You see what I mean? I have to actually really bet on that team. And then if you're smart, you'll just bet on the other team.

1:06:57 Drew Other people couldn't win, but you can bet against yourself.

1:07:01 Adam And the day I cut the deal where I start getting a percentage of their winnings because I picked the losing team so consistently is the day I stopped picking the losing team. You see what I'm saying? It's the same way the curse works, Drew. Cypress Hill in studio tonight, till death do us part, name of the CD. Drew's decided we're going to commercial. Drew, who I know you don't have a microphone because you've, you shut, Drew shuns the mic. He pushes it to the other side of the room. He does, it's fed to the mic. Who are we going to talk to? Hubby has a hard black dot on his penis. Maybe that is his penis. Nikki? You're 20, you have a husband? He has a birthmark or a dot on his penis?

1:07:52 Caller I'm not really sure what it is and that's what I'm kind of interested because I had asked him if he'd ever had it checked out at the doctor. He said that he had asked the doctor about it and the doctor said that it's not a big deal and it's normal but he didn't tell him what it is. It's like on the head of the penis, it's at like the bottom part of the head and it's like a little hard black dot.

1:08:16 Drew Does it look like kind of a blood blister?

1:08:18 Caller Yeah, it looks like it could be a blood blister.

1:08:21 Drew Those are normal and they actually will go away with Aldera, the ward cream.

1:08:27 Adam Really? You can get that from, you know, he's probably really banging the bejesus out of some skank before he met you or maybe after he met you and he traumatized himself, you know what I mean?

1:08:37 Drew Penis trauma, yes. I highly doubt that.Be that as it may, it's nothing and if it cosmetically bothers him, if it's...

1:08:46 Caller Like cosmetically bother him but it kind of bothers me.

1:08:50 Drew Use the ward cream, the Aldera. Ask your doctor about that. Aldera. It's an anti-wart cream. We'll actually take care of this too.

1:08:58 Caller Anti-wart cream.

1:09:00 Drew Okay.

1:09:01 Adam All right, baby doll. Married at 20. That's pretty young.

1:09:05 Caller Yeah. We've only been married four months but I've known him since I was 13. So, it kind of seems like it was about time, especially since we were both virgins and stuff.

1:09:16 Adam 13.

1:09:17 Caller It's creepy.

1:09:18 Caller We know each other. Well, I was 13 and he was 18 when we met.

1:09:22 Drew Oh, ba-ba-ba-ba.

1:09:26 Adam Yeah. Super creepy.

1:09:28 Caller We just were friends.

1:09:32 Adam And he was a virgin when you guys, he's 25 now?

1:09:35 Caller He's a youth minister. Yeah. He's 25 now.

1:09:37 Drew Youth minister.

1:09:41 Adam Here's the whole thing about these guys who work with kids, they're either saints or the devil. You know, there's no just sort of in-betweeners, you know? It's just the greatest guys in the world or they're taking pictures of them and doing weird things to it.

1:09:53 Drew There's something either extremely altruistic impulse or extremely horrible impulse.

1:09:59 Adam They're like cops. They're either just great guys who are trying to make a difference in the community or they're just horrible or on the take. They're worse than the criminals. You know what I mean? Yeah. Mm-hmm. I don't trust people who want to work with kids.

1:10:14 Drew Well, they have to work with kids. They feel compelled to.

1:10:16 Adam Yeah.

1:10:17 Caller Virgins at 25.

1:10:18 Drew Well, anyways, men.

1:10:20 Adam Yeah, men. Yeah. Because kids, because women like kids. Guys just sort of tolerate them. Let's face it. We're all right with them. All right. Nothing against them. We just tolerate them.

1:10:31 Caller We'll take a quick break.

1:10:32 Adam Cypress Hill in the studio tonight. We'll be right back after this.

1:10:43 Caller Don't miss the hottest concert of the year. Watch Britney Spears live from Miami on Sunday, March 28th at 9 p.m. Eastern and Pacific, only on Showtime.

1:11:04 Adam That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Cypress Hill, he's here tonight, Senen Doc, DJ Muggs. Got a professional massage yesterday at the hotel.

1:11:19 Caller Nice.

1:11:19 Adam Yeah, you know what I realized?

1:11:21 Drew I took that hotel, by the way.

1:11:23 Adam Nice, but elevator, too slow.

1:11:26 Drew But they have TV in the elevator.

1:11:27 Adam Yeah.

1:11:28 Drew Three stooges gone.

1:11:29 Adam Let me tell you why it's nice to have a TV in the elevator, right? And once in a while you go to these hotels that have that TV that's up high and tilted down above the door. It's not so that you can enjoy programming while you're in the elevator. It's that so you don't have to make uncomfortable eye contact and silence with other people that are in. Because they always feel like, listen, we're human beings here. Shouldn't we be talking just a little bit? Like, you just get in the elevator with that person and it's that weird thing where you both stare at your shoes for a long time. And then there's, eventually someone says something like, yes, snowing, snowing. You jump in. Yeah, yeah, it's cold, cold, cold. You go to the gym downstairs? It's all weird and stilted and everything. So if they put the TV up there, you can both just stare at it like retards and not have to acknowledge each other. And it makes it much easier.

1:12:22 Drew Did you go to the gym?

1:12:24 Adam I went to the gym down there.

1:12:25 Drew It's good, huh?

1:12:26 Adam I got the massage yesterday. And I realized I can't enjoy massage because I'm thinking about either passing gas or getting a boner the entire time, the entire time. So like I'm lying there and I'm thinking, okay, now don't, first off, you don't realize, you don't go an hour without breaking wind while you're awake. You don't think about it until you go, until you got some chick working while you're on your belly. Oh yeah, she says, she's got her knuckles in my liver. And I'm like, honey, another millimeter in and something's coming out.

1:12:57 Caller Did you get a happy ending?

1:12:59 Adam No, that's it. But the other thing is that you are thinking like, let's not get a boner. Cause you're gonna flip over. Like you're on your belly. You're on your belly, you're naked. They do about, they do, they'll do like, if they do an hour, they'll do about 40 minutes while you're on your belly. And then you're gonna flip over. Now if you get naked and get on your belly, there's a chance you may get a little wood just, just anyway.

1:13:23 Drew Just with pressure.

1:13:24 Adam Yeah, now you got some chicks, she's rubbing the cream in, shwerking the backside and everything. And now you think, don't get a boner. And then you go, oh, oh, now I said boner. Like I said the word boner, now I may be getting a boner. And so she's pushing on me and stuff. And I think, all right, here's a way not to get boner. I'll just think about Vietnam. I think about horrible, you know, kids being burnt by napalm and stuff. I'm lying there getting this massage with the, you know, the music, it's the babbling brook with the Yanni music in the background, the chicks. And I'm picturing a splattered Vietnamese children, you know what I'm thinking? Now what good is a massage if I'm lying here thinking about apocalypse now? You know what I'm saying? So I said, so stop it. And then I start to think about old people trying to kill the boner. I never did get the boner, which is a good thing. And then I start thinking, there's three things, boner, pass and win, gotta take a leak. Eventually there's that, you know, like I said, you've just been lying there and you're working your abdomen and stuff.

1:14:28 Drew There's also this strange thing when you put your face on that donut, suddenly you can't breathe. You can't breathe that.

1:14:34 Adam Yeah, and you start slobbering.

1:14:35 Caller It's a lot of stress getting a massage.

1:14:36 Drew Yeah, slobbering, you can't breathe.

1:14:38 Adam I swear to God, I could only take one a month and I'd kill myself. It's way too stressful. I don't know why, you know what? This is why, I realize, I think this is why women can get a massage and enjoy it and relax. Guys are like, what man, 110 bucks for 50 minutes. Guys are thinking A, about the money. B, let's not get a boner. C, I'm gonna pass some gas. D, I got some chicks, she's kind of hot. She's kind of going over. I wonder if I got a zit on my back. What if something popped or something? Well, she was working over something. Guys got wait, see, we're moving. We're moving, a chick can just drift off. The same way they can watch a soap and actually start yelling at the TV and stuff. They can just actually just go, they just float away into that chick fantasy world where they just think that the fantasy and reality starts intermingling, they don't even know where they are. Not us, couldn't relax. And also as a dude, if something hurts, you can't complain. Like, ah, come on. It's too hard. Ouch. Yeah, you can't do it. You have to take it, especially if it's a chick. If she's trying to work those knots out of your neck and it actually hurts, you can't say anything. Cause you can't tell a chick to ease up. Right? Yeah. Yeah, it's a horrible, stressful experience. I wish upon no man. Sergio? Sergio, you're 18. What's up?

1:16:03 I want to give a first, I want to give some props to Adam and Dr. Drew. All right. You guys are cool, and as a fellow pot smoker, I want to give props to Cypress. You guys have badass music, and I wanted to ask if you guys were going to come and play on 420 in LA.

1:16:22 Caller Yeah, I think we're doing 420 at the Ford Amphitheater.

1:16:25 At the Amphitheater?

1:16:26 Caller Yeah, we ain't announced it yet, but we're about to announce it next week.

1:16:29 Caller Don't tell nobody. I think it was just announced.

1:16:34 Adam Yeah, don't tell anybody.

1:16:35 Shh. All right, I'll keep it on the download, don't even trip. I wanna ask, I wanna know how you guys came up, like how old were you guys when you guys started playing your music, or how you guys started coming up, like where you guys started playing at backyard shows, or how you guys came up like that?

1:16:48 Caller Yeah, we used to do backyard shows in Bell, Cudahy, Linwood, Compton, all that stuff. The first record I made was, I think, 88 for the movie Colors. Cool.

1:16:59 How old were you guys when you guys started?

1:17:01 Caller 18.

1:17:02 18?

1:17:02 Cypress Hill Yep.

1:17:03 Caller Senen was about 34.

1:17:06 Cypress Hill Eat a bowl up homeboy.

1:17:08 Adam Sergio, you're 18. Yeah. So you're looking to get into the music scene?

1:17:14 Caller Yeah, I'm in a band right now and it's kind of like rage status. We kind of play like death tones with rage. I want to know how to come up, you know, cause I want to start playing backyard shows and I live in South Central, so there's a pretty good scene back here.

1:17:27 Adam Yeah, well start playing backyard shows.

1:17:29 Caller Yeah. One day we'll be sitting right there with you guys.

1:17:32 Adam I'm going to kill myself. Let's hope it's in the next six months, though. I don't want to wait for Sergio.

1:17:40 Drew Right. You don't want to wait the 10 years.

1:17:43 Adam Sergio, and by the way, Ann's not going to get the camera when Sergio comes in here. That's all I'm saying. Lauren? You're 21? You're in a love triangle?

1:17:57 Caller Yeah.

1:17:58 Adam It says with your ex-husband?

1:18:01 Caller Yes, fixing to be ex-husband.

1:18:04 Adam Soon to be ex-husband, okay.

1:18:06 Drew Did she say soon to be or fixing to be?

1:18:08 Adam She said fixing, but that's Oklahoma in first. Soon to be.

1:18:11 Drew I see.

1:18:13 Adam So.

1:18:13 Caller Well, I'm not really like from Oklahoma. I just moved out here because my husband moved out here.

1:18:19 Drew From, where'd you move from?

1:18:20 Caller Las Vegas.

1:18:22 Adam All right.

1:18:22 Drew Las Vegas, fixing to be is not a Las Vegas term.

1:18:26 Adam Is anyone from Las Vegas? I thought you just sort of went there to die or.

1:18:30 Drew To be passed through.

1:18:31 Adam Change your identity or running, you know, like deadbeat dads go from like, people can't make it to Florida, go to Las Vegas, you know?

1:18:39 Drew You missed a system we were down last week. John's got his home set up now in Las Vegas.

1:18:43 Caller Oh, really?

1:18:45 Adam Well, that's the other thing too, is people go to Las Vegas because for 300 grand, you get 40 acres of just parched desert, but you get a big spread over there.

1:18:55 Caller You know what I mean?

1:18:56 Adam All right, so listen, Lauren. What's going on? You're gonna divorce your husband.

1:19:02 Caller Yes.

1:19:03 Adam Why? You're only 21. How long have you guys been married?

1:19:05 Caller Well, we've only been married two years last month, but we've been together since I was 12 and he was 13.

1:19:13 Drew All right, what's happening now?

1:19:14 Caller Well, we've had a very rocky time. It hasn't been all sweets or anything like that, so we just finally decided to cut it loose. Well, before, I'd probably say about six months ago, I like actually met this other person and I basically started like falling head over heels for him. And he's like changed me in a lot of ways. And, you know, I could find myself wanting to be with him, you know, for a while.

1:19:50 Adam And this is the seven, this is a 17 year old guy.

1:19:55 Drew Well, first of all, it's just, it's not never, not never, but not generally a good idea to jump one relationship to the next. You're escaping one and finding a left preserver in another. And you're doing it with a guy that's a teenager.

1:20:10 Adam That's 17 year old guy do. And listen, when you're in a crappy relationship, it's easy to get involved with some idiot 17 year old because he's not going to push on you. And he's not, he's going to be happy to be there. He's going to wait on your hand and foot. I mean, he's more puppy than he is person. It's true. Oh. I know. Look, it's horrible. Never call this show. You know, the thing about this show is like, you could call us up and go, listen, I'm thinking about giving up the weed, stopping the drink and finding Jesus Christ and going to college full-time. How dare you? And volunteering. We'd be like, okay, slow down there, jackass. We just tell you to do the opposite of whatever your plan is. That's not true. Because we figure it's your plan. How good could it be?

1:21:00 Drew No, they just keep presenting us with bad plans.

1:21:03 Adam All right, maybe that's how you see it, Drew.

1:21:05 Drew That's how I see it.

1:21:06 Adam I guess you'd have to. Lauren? Okay, you should end the relation. Do you have any children with your husband?

1:21:13 Caller Actually, we've had two, but we have maybe like one on the way.

1:21:19 Drew Now, let's just examine that statement for a second. We have like maybe two, but we actually have like one on the way.

1:21:28 Caller They actually passed away.

1:21:30 Drew What?

1:21:31 Caller Yeah, I had complications during my pregnancy and so they passed away and-

1:21:36 Drew You mean they were still, they were in utero demise.

1:21:41 Caller Yeah, well, my first one was born at 26 weeks and he was premature and-

1:21:46 Drew And didn't make it.

1:21:48 Caller Yeah.

1:21:48 Adam What's, what is 26 weeks, three years?

1:21:50 Drew No, no.

1:21:51 Adam How many years is that?

1:21:51 Drew 26 weeks won't make it.

1:21:53 Adam What is, what's the won't make it cut off line?

1:21:55 Drew 28.

1:21:56 Adam 28?

1:21:56 Drew Really?

1:21:57 Adam Two weeks, that's big a difference.

1:21:58 Drew Big difference, yeah.

1:22:00 Caller And my, well, I got pregnant again and I had a miscarriage.

1:22:05 Drew Okay. And that's very trying. It certainly didn't help your relationship with her.

1:22:10 Adam As soon to be ex-husband. And now you're pregnant again, maybe? Maybe. Well, how far, and what's the plan? You've been on the outs with this guy for a number of months. Why are you getting pregnant?

1:22:23 Caller Well, um, well actually I was like pregnant, you know, like when we started seeing each other.

1:22:30 Drew At 13?

1:22:31 Adam No, no, he means the new guy.

1:22:34 Caller Is it the new guy's baby?

1:22:35 Adam Whose baby is it?

1:22:36 Caller It's my ex-husband.

1:22:37 Drew You sure? How about giving the child up for adoption? Why is that funny? I'm dead seriously because I give it a chance with two parents, with somebody who's stable, has an opportunity to raise a child.

1:22:53 Adam How old, how far long are you? How pregnant are you?

1:22:59 Caller I just turned 24 weeks.

1:23:02 Adam That's two and a half years? Four years, five years.

1:23:06 Drew Better than halfway.

1:23:07 Adam Halfway to a decade? So, is that four and a half months pregnant?

1:23:14 Caller I'm about five and a half.

1:23:16 Adam Let me tell you something with your parents. Let me just say this. I say this once in a while, stop with the weeks and then the months once the kid gets born. You know what I mean? They go, how old is your kid? At least 19 and a half months. It's always like, ah, I always gotta stop. You know, I gotta stop and I gotta translate all of it. Yeah, when they go, how pregnant are you? 29 and a half weeks. It's always just, just give me three and a half months or four months, so round up, come down. Yeah, if the kid's a year and a half plus two weeks, just round down, go down. And if it's closer to two years, just give me two. I don't need the 19 months, I don't need the 26th. I know this is how you think when you're pregnant, but I'm always confused by this. I never know what it means. She's like four and a half months pregnant. Yes, Drew? And so there's no aborting this one. She got pregnant. Oh, by the way, this is just colossal white trash here. She got pregnant while she was definitely on the outs with the husband. And what is that? What is that? Just self-destruct. Is it sort of stupid meets I don't care meets what? And Lauren? All right. So why are you going to, right now you're going to have this kid and why not try to make the relationship work with your husband?

1:24:30 Caller Well, he like ran off and he's in Oklahoma City actually with another female. He's been known to do that since we've been going out since we first met together.

1:24:39 Cypress Hill All right. Why?

1:24:41 Adam So now you're going to have the kid and raise it with the 17 year old. So it's like, man.

1:24:45 Caller No, actually he left me today.

1:24:48 Adam The 17 year old.

1:24:50 Caller Yes.

1:24:50 Adam He just got on his big wheel and started riding. She had a sense of humor about it.

1:24:57 Caller What happened?

1:25:06 Adam His mother. Yeah. Shocking.

1:25:08 Drew The mother.

1:25:08 Adam All right, so he doesn't want all the baggage. You're chaotic, you're all over the place. Now you're pregnant. He doesn't want the baggage, all this. He just wants to date a nice old 16 year old. Fine, all right, so Lauren, have the kid, give the kid up for adoption and start anew. Get divorced, start new, would you?

1:25:28 Drew Or dedicate your life to raising this child, which is what you're going to have to do.

1:25:32 Adam Yeah, it just, all right. I don't know about, it's like, I don't. Okay, okay, I get angry, I get depressed, I get sad. It's just, what, people are just on this sort of, sort of stupid self-destruction. Well, what is that? What is that impulse? I got to marry the ass. I got to get pregnant by the a-hole. I got to get pregnant by the next a-hole. Like, what are you just trying to destroy your life in the world and everything? Go, just give yourself a shot. Give the kid a shot. Have the kid, give the kid up for adoption and then get your ass together. Okay, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:26:08 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

1:26:10 Drew Thanks.

1:26:22 Adam Hey, everybody, Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, Cypress Hill in the studio tonight. Till death do us part. Name of the CD, out on Tuesday. Well, we have a professional massage therapist who's in the house.

1:26:36 Drew Who mentioned that the boner issue is a very, very common one. Although Adam pointed out that because 19-year-old stoner, junior college students can't afford massages, as he put it aptly during the break, the serious boner crowd is taken out of the equation.

1:26:49 Adam Yeah, Drew and I were taking a whiz in trying to figure out what percentage of guys who got a massage flipped over with the boner. And let me just say this. First, if you don't want the guy to flip over with the boner, start him on his back, work him for 15-20, then flip him over. Because the problem is, is he not gonna start with a boner, but as the blood starts moving around and the yanny music swells his brain and penis, it's gonna start happening. You can't put a guy on his belly for 40 minutes and then flip him.

1:27:22 Drew But interestingly, another example of the great distance between a male and a female brain, both Anne and her friend, the massage therapist, when they're going, you think it's really arousal? Do guys get arousal?

1:27:32 Caller Well, you start rubbing the inner thigh with oil.

1:27:34 Drew Of course they get arousal.

1:27:35 Caller Could be a little arousal.

1:27:36 Drew Of course they do.

1:27:36 Adam Something's gonna happen, yeah.

1:27:38 Caller Yes, of course. Some guys are thinking something could happen, so they want to turn around with the boner to kind of get the point across.

1:27:48 Adam I think I worked out the percentage. Drew thought it was about 30%.

1:27:52 Drew That's my passionate point of view.

1:27:54 Adam Well, Drew is a man of such extreme passion that he can see why every man doesn't get an erection when he's getting just, just when someone brushes him in an elevator, Drew gets an erection. He's that passionate.

1:28:05 Drew Broaderism, yes.

1:28:05 Adam A man, but our professional massage therapist says about 15, 20%. Right. That makes sense. And like I said, because the average guy who could afford a massage is a 50 something year old guy's prostate is acting up. You got a bunch of 19 year old guys up there. You get a boner almost every time.

1:28:26 Drew But that crowd's out.

1:28:27 Adam That crowd is not paying 110 bucks to get worked over. Or if they do, the boner is definitely a part of the equation. Yeah, a big part. That may be the only-

1:28:38 Caller For 110 dollars, something gotta go on.

1:28:40 Adam That's right. That may be the only part of their body that's actually touched. Angel?

1:28:47 Yes, sir.

1:28:48 Adam You're 18?

1:28:49 Caller Yes, I am.

1:28:50 Adam What's happening?

1:28:51 Caller Amen. Oh, first of all, Dr. Drew, it's great to have a person like you giving advice to all these troubled people.

1:28:58 Drew Thank you.

1:28:58 Caller Because I'm one of them. And Adam Carolla, you're the voice of multi-generations. You're not a god. You're something beyond that.

1:29:06 Adam Thank you.

1:29:07 Drew By the way, a great way to endear us, open your call with, I'm screwed up. They were like, thank you. Okay, let's hear about it.

1:29:13 Adam And I've often thought God wasn't lofty enough status for me that I was beyond that.

1:29:18 Drew Thank you. Well, I think philosopher king.

1:29:20 Adam Yeah, warrior, philosopher, lover. Go ahead, Angel.

1:29:25 Caller Cypress Hill, you guys are great.

1:29:26 Caller Thank you, brother.

1:29:27 Caller Man, your music is great ever since, you know, far back. Oh my God. Anyways, my question is, I've been going out with my girlfriend for about two months. She just recently came up with this three-something and I feel kind of, you know, kind of gay saying this, not to be any, say anything bad or, you know, sexist, but her friend that she wants to get involved does have a lot of problems. I think she's been abused. She's used a lot of drugs and well, I'm not really into that stuff and I don't know, I just like to not get involved with that stuff.

1:30:00 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah, a very healthy impulse. I know it seems almost incomprehensible that you turn out a threesome, but it's actually a very healthy impulse.

1:30:07 Adam He may be one of the few 18-year-olds that would get a rub down and not have a boner when he flipped over. Angel, all right, you really are an angel. Are you in love with your girlfriend?

1:30:18 Caller No, I've only been going out with two months, but this girl just seems a little too crazy, you know?

1:30:23 Adam Listen, are you serious about your girlfriend?

1:30:26 Caller Well, I'm really, I was actually going to the Army in a while, so I was.

1:30:30 Drew Good, Angel, you're fine.

1:30:31 Adam I don't get her pregnant. Do not get this girl pregnant, because your girlfriend's a little chaotic too. She's got screwy friends.

1:30:37 Caller Yeah, that's what I was thinking, too.

1:30:39 Adam I don't get her pregnant.

1:30:40 Caller I have a question for Cypress Hill. I think I saw you guys playing the other day up in a paintball field up by Six Flags. My friend confirmed that. Is that true?

1:30:51 Cypress Hill That's be real. He got his little paintball team called the Stoned Assassins.

1:30:57 Caller Oh my goodness.

1:30:58 Cypress Hill They go in there and they go in there and mix it up with a bunch of people. So that's who you saw, is him and his homeboys up there. They do the thing. Bobo doesn't do that too, does he? No, it's be real. I guess Everlast is part of that.

1:31:12 Drew Everlast.

1:31:13 Cypress Hill Everlast. There's like 30 or 40 of them.

1:31:16 Adam Everlast, he don't have a good enough ticker to be playing that paintball.

1:31:19 Drew That's right, I forgot about that. Yeah, he could.

1:31:21 Adam Yeah, yeah.

1:31:22 Drew He's got a valve replacement, yeah.

1:31:24 Adam But listen, I've heard that thing.

1:31:25 Drew No, I know, but that sounds like a microwave at the 7-Eleven. Well, he's on cumin though, isn't it?

1:31:31 Adam All I know is paintball should not be on Everlast's agenda. He should be, you know, he should be doing that like swimming pool exercise, you know, like old people that put the weights on, they go in the swimming pool, you know.

1:31:43 Drew Aquasize.

1:31:44 Adam Aquasizing, yeah, Everlast should be aquasizing. He's out there running out in the jungle getting shot at by stoners. He's gonna have a, they're gonna have a man down out there.

1:31:57 Drew He's one of the stoners. He's on blood thinners, he gets hit with a baseball in the wrong place.

1:32:02 Adam That's what's gonna happen.

1:32:02 Drew Better watch out.

1:32:03 Adam Everlast is gonna get hit by a B-Real paintball. It's gonna turn into one of those after school specials where B-Real panics and says, no one's gonna believe us, we gotta bury him here. We gotta hide his body. Then the next thing, it just spins out of control. You know what I'm saying?

1:32:20 Caller Everybody kills each other.

1:32:21 Adam Everyone starts killing, there's some retaliation, the feds are involved. You know what I mean? No, yeah, no.

1:32:28 Caller B-Roy pleads insanity.

1:32:29 Adam Insane in the brain. Oh yeah, B-Roy.

1:32:32 Drew Right, you have to sing about it.

1:32:33 Adam He's song about being insane. Yeah, yeah, that's a great argument. Drew, remind me to write a song about being nuts so if anything ever happens.

1:32:41 Drew I'll remind you.

1:32:42 Adam That's like your honor. Here, just please listen to what I've been saying for years. All right, we'll take a quick break. Cypress Hill here tonight and we'll be right back.

1:32:50 Caller Alright guys, bottom line here's the deal. Looking to hook up?

1:32:54 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:32:56 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:32:57 Caller Call the dateline.

1:32:58 Caller The dateline.

1:32:58 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:33:04 Caller Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:33:10 Adam 1-800-LOVE-191 Loveline, everybody. Producer Ann here with the camera.

1:33:31 Drew Yeah, see, you guys are in. This is not a real camera though.

1:33:37 Adam Yes. Cypress Hill, everybody. Till death do us part. That is the name of the CD. It is out this Tuesday. Also going to be found on Dear, Dear, Dear Friend Jimmy Kimmel Live, found on that show that Tuesday night. Thanks guys for coming in.

1:33:55 Caller Thank you for having us.

1:33:56 Adam Thank you for having us. See you soon and until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, whoop, whoop, mahalo.

1:34:06 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on the show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, March 21, 2004