Episode 1000600367189

1:10 Adam Loveline with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew.

1:11 Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction, blah.

1:14 Drew Yeah.

1:14 Adam Hey, buddy.

1:15 Drew What's happening?

1:15 Adam What's happening? All right, looking good. Yeah.

1:18 Yeah. Oh, yeah.

1:21 Adam All right, here we go.

1:22 Drew Okay, quagmire.

1:23 Adam You ready to deliver a show tonight?

1:26 Drew Yeah, let's go right to it, shall we?

1:27 Adam Let's get to the calls.

1:29 Drew Do you have anything to talk about?

1:30 Adam No. But the callers may remind me of something I need to complain about.

1:34 Drew I imagine they will. They've never done that before, but tonight I suspect they will.

1:38 Adam So let's just go to the phones and see who inspires me.

1:41 Drew I got a good idea. Why don't we go to the phones?

1:44 Adam And see who inspires me.

1:45 Billy? Yeah.

1:47 Adam You're 22? What's happening?

1:52 Caller For the past, like, I don't know, four or five months I've been having problems like, you know, getting off as in ejaculating when I'm having sex with my fiance. And I think it's due to the problem that I'll masquerade maybe like once or twice a day. But the problem that I'm seeing is that I'll stop for like a week or two and I'll still have the same problem when I'm having sex with her.

2:13 Drew You want any medication?

2:14 Caller No.

2:15 Drew Any medical problems?

2:17 Caller Nope.

2:18 Drew And you're unable to, no matter how long you go along with her?

2:22 Right.

2:23 Caller But when I masquerade, I'll get off line.

2:26 Drew Oh, when you're by yourself?

2:29 Yeah.

2:29 Drew Anything wrong with the relationship?

2:31 Caller No, the relationship's great. I mean, we only have like one like little tiny problem, but that'll be a problem that will happen in the future.

2:38 Drew What's that?

2:40 Caller My dream since I've been a kid is to play drums in a band. And I got this new band called NARNAP and I'm I'll be able to get pretty far with it.

2:51 Drew Yeah.

2:52 Adam I'm gonna drop the name of the band? It's by the way, here's, let me explain something. Here's how you know you've picked a bad name for your band. He said the name of the band 11 seconds ago, and I can't remember what the name of the band was.

3:07 Drew It didn't quite even register as a name.

3:09 Adam No, it's like, I'm in a band. We started the band. It's like, I was saying I've got to do this Comedy Central thing next week, and I was thinking to myself, you know, here's how you know you've failed as a network when it's your 13th year anniversary, and most people still call it the Comedy Network or the Comedy Station. Oh. People don't know Comedy Central. Bravo, no problem, MTV, done. You're, that's on the Comedy Network, right? Comedy Showcase, Comedy Station, Comedy Channel, Comedy Network, yeah, Comedy Central, everybody. All right.

3:52 Drew So let's go on.

3:53 Adam I don't care about that. How many times have I said we should never start the show by talking to a guy?

3:58 Drew Yeah, let's talk to Sarah. You're right, you're absolutely right.

4:02 Adam Who's right?

4:03 Drew You are right. Hi, Sarah. See, much better already.

4:05 Adam Sarah, 19, what's up?

4:06 Okay, I have a bit of a problem.

4:09 Adam All right.

4:10 I can't have an orgasm during sex.

4:13 I just can't do it.

4:15 Drew That's normal.

4:16 Adam You and every other woman on the planet, every one of them.

4:21 Drew Well, a significant percentage.

4:23 Adam Yes, like 100%.

4:26 Drew In all probability, it will never happen.

4:28 Well, now it won't.

4:30 Drew No, that's true, Sarah.

4:31 My friend has them all the time.

4:34 Drew I know, that is her version. She's probably multi-orgasmic, in fact, right? Yeah, that's a different physiology. You're different than she is.

4:41 Adam By the way, your friend has it all the time. It's like saying, I know a guy who can dunk a basketball.

4:45 Drew Right, exactly. It's the same exact thing. He's a different person. She's a different person, wired differently than you.

4:52 Adam Right.

4:52 Drew This is the most, a significant percentage of women, in fact, a majority, never have orgasm during intercourse.

4:59 Adam 100%.

5:00 I can't even have it during oral sex, though.

5:03 Drew Well, that's, eh.

5:04 Adam Well, this might, okay, let's-

5:06 I can't have an orgasm when I'm with a guy.

5:08 Drew Do you use a vibrator?

5:10 Yeah, sometimes.

5:11 Drew See, maybe that's overdoing it.

5:14 Adam Hold on a second. She may be scrambling her area. All right, now listen, Drew. Women who can't have an orgasm. Okay, if I tell you, this is an 18, 19-year-old woman. She has an orgasm via oral sex, but can't have one during intercourse.

5:35 Drew Yes.

5:36 Adam By the time she's 28, what percentage of those women will have it? If it's zero now.

5:44 Drew Wait, wait, it's a 19-year-old who's having it with oral sex, but not with intercourse. What percentage of those will eventually be?

5:51 Adam 10 years later.

5:54 Drew 10, 20%.

5:54 Adam I was gonna say 20%, maybe 15, 20%, yeah, right in there.

5:59 Drew So a certain percentage of those will reclaim the territory.

6:01 Adam Same woman not having an orgasm via oral sex.

6:05 Drew Will acclaim that territory, most of them.

6:09 Adam Most of them, well, 70%.

6:11 Drew Yeah, we'll get that.

6:11 Adam 80% will claim that.

6:13 Drew Yes.

6:14 Adam But out of that group, it's less than 1% is gonna have the orgasm again, of course. Right, because this is like the doctor where the guy's saying, am I gonna be able to play football again? Son, you may not walk again. Right, this is that. We gotta get you, focus on walking.

6:31 Drew Yes, this is that category. Now, the whole time, there's a group of about 5% of women, orgasms falling out all over the place. Every time they have penetration, six orgasms.

6:41 Adam Now, it's coming out like one of those-

6:44 Drew Roman candles.

6:45 Adam Drug running boats and DEA's behind them and they're just chucking the kilos of weed over the side. Oh, just littering the ocean with orgasms. All right, Sarah.

6:58 Yeah.

7:00 Adam Do not focus on making the soccer team. You may never walk again.

7:07 No, but I want, that's the thing.

7:09 I don't know if it's from things from when I was younger, if it's like a mental thing or-

7:13 Adam No, what happened when you were younger?

7:15 Actually, the first time I ever had sex, I talked to you guys.

7:19 Drew Wow, when was that?

7:21 Adam 1971.

7:23 No, it was a couple of years ago I called because I don't even think you'd remember. I had sex with somebody who was in a, worked in a hotel and like I had to press charges and-

7:33 Drew Oh my God, I do remember your call. Remember her parents were there? Of course I remember this call.

7:36 Adam I mean, your parents, yeah. Yeah.

7:38 Drew He was a, the guy was like a housekeeper and-

7:42 Yeah.

7:43 Drew You sounded a lot younger back then.

7:45 Oh, thank you.

7:46 Adam Yeah, see-

7:47 Drew No, but I mean, you really just sounded, it was disturbing because you sounded so young.

7:50 Yeah.

7:51 Adam Yeah, yeah. Yeah, see, we remember everyone who calls the show.

7:56 Drew And what finally happened with that, with the illegal battle? Remember, we also told you to call back and tell us what happened, so now here we are.

8:02 Well, technically I wasn't supposed to, but it all ended up really well.

8:06 Drew What happened?

8:07 Um, well prizes-

8:09 Adam Oh, settled on court.

8:11 Charges weren't pressed, but I-

8:12 Adam You got some money.

8:13 Drew Yeah.

8:15 Adam From the hotel. All right, well good times.

8:18 Drew We also said to make sure you got some therapy. Did you do that? I did.

8:21 Adam I did. All right, good times.

8:23 Drew Well, talk to Sarah. Come on.

8:25 Adam Ah, who cares?

8:25 Drew Oh my God. Look.

8:27 Adam Really?

8:27 Drew That, to me, that story was a loose end. It bothered me for a long time.

8:31 Adam I can see your plight. Sarah?

8:34 I don't know if that would have anything to- I don't know. It seems like I can almost have an orgasm, but then like I can't do it.

8:40 Adam Okay. You have a boyfriend you love?

8:43 I did. I did for two years, but not anymore.

8:47 Drew That's what you need. So you need that. He what? What did he do?

8:52 He hit me, so it didn't work out.

8:55 Drew Then you dumped him right then, yes? Good times. Well, no.

8:59 It took a month or so, but eventually-

9:02 Adam Hotels should probably get some of their money back. Wait, were you abused as a kid?

9:07 Caller All right.

9:09 Adam Watch. I don't trust these guys you're hanging out with.

9:12 Drew If you find a guy, you can be close to what you care about and focus on orgasm with oral sex.

9:18 Adam Yeah.

9:18 Drew That's where the money's going to be.

9:19 Adam That's the key. And I don't know, is there some chicks can put on their ceiling some sort of a gasminator or something, or some sort of glowing orb or something that can bring them? Let me tell you something about chicks.

9:34 Drew Tell me.

9:34 Adam Let me tell you what you could do with a chick. I could bring home one of those orange utility balls and write orgasminator on it and say, what is this? Oh, I got it from Europe. It guarantees, oh yeah, you mount it on the ceiling. It's 100%. You stare at it. You'll have a, they'd start staring at the utility ball when, while I go down on them, they would have an orgasm.

9:59 Drew You need to attach some story. There may be a lot of history. Yes, your dead relatives will be sort of channeled through this.

10:07 Adam No, Drew, don't bring up the dead relatives when you're talking about orgasm. You idiot. You just tell them, Oprah recommended it.

10:14 Drew Okay.

10:15 Adam I read about it in Cosmo and it comes from Europe.

10:20 Drew Those are all good things.

10:21 Adam And they would just stare at it. They would just stare at it. And I believe they could, it would loosen themselves up to have an orgasm. Let me tell you a problem with women. Women do not underestimate the power of focus. Let me tell you something, Drew.

10:34 Drew Tell me.

10:35 Adam I'm a champion chair balancer. That's what I learned in school, would balance a chair. And the way you balance a chair or you do anything like that is you have to pick a spot on the wall and you have to stare at it.

10:47 Drew Your poor brain was so underprivileged, understimulated.

10:52 Adam Well, I couldn't read or write. So I just have to sit there in these classes and I didn't know what to do. So I would just lean back and try to balance my chair and stuff. And you know, LA city unified schools, they're just warehousing. I wasn't going anywhere.

11:05 Drew It's like you were some sort of Buddhist monk.

11:07 Adam I was just hanging out. I didn't have any, I was, you know, I was raised in a deprivation chamber. It's a bunch of idiots. I did just sitting there. Well, but I didn't know I was a genius. I thought I was an idiot.

11:22 Drew Okay, of course, yes.

11:23 Adam I'll check the report card and see if he thinks he's a genius.

11:26 Drew What was your IQ again?

11:27 Adam It's in the low nineties. What was it?

11:30 Drew In low nineties.

11:32 Adam Point is, is I would pick it. I would pick, you pick a spot on the wall. Pick something and stare at it. And if you stare at that one spot, you can balance your chair. All you gotta do is shift your eyes down or up and you'll fall over. Power of the mind, very important. Women lying on their backs, sort of staring up, looking at the clock, looking at the TV, looking back at the ceiling fan, then looking down again, looking at the guy's head. I don't know, I feel like if there was something that they could lock onto and really lose themselves in and really focus on and get them 30% closer. It's all in the brain anyway.

12:06 Drew Yep, that's right.

12:07 Adam Maybe we should do something that goes on the ceiling, Drew. Maybe it's just to hang in there, post it with the cat.

12:14 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good.

12:15 Adam Just something. You know when you go to this crappy dentist's office and they put something on there, you put a little picture of the rainforest on the ceiling so when you get in your root canal, you can think about trees. You know what I'm saying?

12:26 Drew Yeah.

12:26 Adam Something on the ceiling. Something for them to focus on. If we could figure out some sort of repetitive pattern, or light system, you know what I mean? That just sort of did like a new, something in succession, something in order, something that they could pick up on and almost not hypnotize, but sort of put themselves into that place. Think about that, Drew.

12:48 Drew I'm just trying to think of some sort of name for it. Focus, baby.

12:50 Adam Forget about the name. You focus on the technology, okay? There's a new thing out there that does this. Not for the orgasm, but there's some sort of, if you want to quit smoking or something, there's some new feedback thing or something you were telling me about. Don't give me that, huh? You know about it.

13:08 Drew Well, it's all kinds about feedback.

13:09 Adam Yeah, but this is a newer, this is a newer technique that, I don't know, has a, you put goggles on and it shows you something in order. Come on, buddy. Come on, dude. You remember the call, remember the housemate that got raped five years ago? You don't remember what you were telling me?

13:26 Drew I wonder if Bruce or somebody was talking about that.

13:28 Adam Bruce doesn't talk about it. Bruce is an idiot. Bruce. Maggie? You're 24?

13:36 Caller I am.

13:39 Adam No, Drew, you were talking about, one of our callers brought it up and you were like, well, that can work, but it's controversial. It's a newer thing.

13:46 Drew Oh, EMDR. Oh, no, no, no. That's where your eye movement thing. That's just, they make them move their eyes in a certain way. They don't look at anything, really. They look at a little box with a light to keep their eye focused on it.

13:55 Adam Well, what am I talking about?

13:56 Drew But just sort of telling them where to direct their eyes, and they're told to move their eyes back and forth.

14:02 Adam Okay, what was I talking about for the last ten minutes?

14:04 Drew Something that moved, you know, attracted your attention and moved around. And spontaneously took your mind. Not dare. Not willfully do follow a series of instructions.

14:14 Adam All right, all right. What, Maggie? You're 24? What's up?

14:21 Caller Okay, I got my first period when I was 11 and ever since then, I have never had regular periods and my husband and I want to have a baby as soon as we get to live together again.

14:34 Why don't you live?

14:35 Drew Whoa, whoa, whoa.

14:36 Adam This is bad sign.

14:37 Drew I love the way people leave these, drop these bombs.

14:39 Adam If he's in the military, that's all right.

14:42 Caller Yeah, he is. He's over in Germany. And so as soon as we get to live in the same house again, we want to start working on having a family.

14:51 Adam What's he doing in Germany? What are they doing over there?

14:54 Caller I can't tell you.

14:56 Adam Oh, really?

14:57 Caller No, that's where he's stationed.

15:00 Drew It's usually like Frankfurt or something.

15:02 Adam By the way, I always, you know, what's he doing in Germany? Well, that's where he's stationed. Oh, so he's not supposed to be in Iraq and just a bivouacking in Mainz. I see. That's where he's stationed. Yeah, you got it. Well, there you go. All right. So that's where he's stationed.

15:23 Yeah, that's where he got sent.

15:26 Adam What's he doing over there?

15:28 Drew Kind of work.

15:29 Adam Does he do anything?

15:30 Caller He does maintenance on our planes.

15:35 Drew Our planes.

15:37 Caller Yeah, right.

15:37 Adam He's working for the...

15:38 Caller Our nation's planes.

15:39 Adam Yeah, he's not servicing, let's say, Axis of Evil planes.

15:43 Drew No. Dr. Evil's planes.

15:46 Caller Okay.

15:46 Adam All right. So he's working in... He says he's working for our government over there.

15:51 Drew When you say our planes, I thought maybe you were going to say he's part of some airborne division or something specific where you're a station now, you're living on the, say, on the grounds of some...

16:00 Caller All right, Drew.

16:01 Adam That's enough. That's enough.

16:02 Caller Yeah, no.

16:02 Caller I'm not military.

16:04 Adam So once he's coming back...

16:06 Caller Well, actually, he's staying there for three more years, but I'm in the States.

16:11 Caller I graduate college this year.

16:13 Drew Why did you guys get married if you can't live together?

16:17 Caller We did until he got sent to Germany.

16:21 Drew Didn't you know he'd be there for four years?

16:24 Caller Yes, but we didn't know that when we got married. It was two years after we got married that he got sent there.

16:30 Caller All right.

16:31 Drew Okay.

16:31 Adam So now you're finishing college and you want to have a kid when you live together.

16:35 Drew It doesn't sound like you're taking into account that sort of thing.

16:38 Caller I don't know.

16:39 Adam I'm done caring. Here's the point.

16:41 Drew You weren't caring when we started.

16:43 Adam She wants to have, I know, but now before I was through caring, now I'm done.

16:46 Drew Okay.

16:47 Adam You see the subtle difference?

16:48 Drew You know what somebody was telling me tonight? You know what finished or done is in Hawaiian?

16:52 Adam Mahalo.

16:53 Drew Pow.

16:55 Adam Pow. That's the sound it makes when a Samoan has an orgasm.

17:00 Drew I was talking about a patient. I go, hey, that patient is noncompliant. Pow, out of here. She goes, you speak Hawaiian? I go, no, I got the pow, get him out. That means finish. She's done. I go, yeah, he's finished. Pow, get him out of here.

17:11 Adam Pow, I like that.

17:13 Drew All right.

17:14 Adam So can she have a kid even though she's had irregular periods?

17:18 Drew Maggie, have you had your irregular periods evaluated? Do you know, do you have polycystic ovaries? Do you have endometriosis? Do you have any other problems?

17:26 Caller I've had like blood tests and stuff done and they've all said that I'm pretty normal.

17:32 Drew Having a regular period, it says what?

17:36 Caller Like I can have three in a row and then not have one for eight months and then the next year I might have two and then like they're highly erratic.

17:44 Drew It doesn't necessarily mean anything, but you may be having anovulatory cycles. You may have polycystic ovaries. You need to see a gynecologist and get an ultrasound and see if there are things that need to be sort of attended to as you work through your fertility.

18:01 Caller Well, I brought it up to my doctor and he doesn't seem to care.

18:07 Drew I see what you're saying, Maggie. Adam doesn't care either.

18:11 Adam Right. Now, me and your doctor should get together and start a club.

18:13 Drew What kind of doctor is it?

18:16 Caller Well, since my husband is in the military, I can go to the ones they tell me to and it's a family practitioner.

18:22 Drew You need to see a gynecologist.

18:25 Adam All right, baby doll. Good time. Military gynecologist. There's their...

18:32 Drew Oxymoron.

18:33 Adam There's a TV show. Hank Jackman. Military gynecologist. This week, he busts... Who are we talking to?

18:44 A rapist.

18:47 Adam Al-Qaeda women trying to smuggle explosives into the country. Call on Hank Jackman. Military gynecologist. Yeah, play that rape. Oh, do you have that whole drop? In order to...

19:04 In order to... In order to reach these kids, Hank will have to become a rapist.

19:09 Drew He's coming up next week.

19:11 Adam Oh, who is that?

19:14 Drew Will Arnett?

19:15 Adam Oh, Will Arnett, yeah, from Arrested Development. Yeah, show's doing good. All right, remind me when he comes in and get him to do those rapists.

19:23 Drew I don't think we'll have to remind. You'll launch into that immediately.

19:27 Adam Always my favorite.

19:28 Drew And Anderson will remind you of a couple of drops.

19:29 Adam All right, we'll just do this week on Hank.

19:31 Drew Why don't I... You know, can I be honest with you? I don't find that funny.

19:36 Adam Who gives a rat's ass?

19:37 Drew I'm just telling you, I don't...

19:38 Adam Well, listen, if you don't find it funny, there's a better-than-not chance it's hysterical.

19:41 Drew Could be. Most... I find many things you do funny. I don't find that funny.

19:45 A rapist. A rapist. A rapist.

19:53 Adam Well, he wasn't doing it right, by the way.

19:55 Drew What do you mean?

19:57 Adam Well, the joke is, this week on Hack, in order to catch a counterfeiter, Hack is gonna have to become...

20:06 Drew A rapist.

20:07 Adam Drew, what is that impulse with you? What is your impulse to slide in and F everything up in the last ten seconds?

20:15 Drew What's your impulse to...

20:16 Adam What is your impulse?

20:17 Drew What is your impulse to stop what you're doing? I'm just talking along with you.

20:23 Adam You're not talking along with me. You slide in in the last quarter of the thing and screw it up. What is that impulse?

20:31 Why can't you sit still?

20:33 Adam I'm explaining to you. You go, look, I don't find that funny. And I go, oh, okay. Here's how it goes. It goes, in order to... This week on Hack, in order to catch it, counterfeit or hack is going to... And then you slide in. There's six seconds left. Why? Why? So you can not be wrong? Or like, what's that slide in impulse there? Huh? Oh, Drew. And let's see, now he gets all coy because he's like a beat dog. But what is that impulse?

21:03 Drew It's what I could say. Maybe I don't understand it, but it's talking along with like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what that is. And then all of a sudden, in the middle of that, you stop and have a fit about it. I'm trying to talk along with you. I'm telling you what... Just like that. That's it. You jump in with this... Yeah, I'm talking along with you.

21:25 Adam You're talking along with me.

21:27 Drew Actually, it would be...

21:28 Adam All right, Anderson, give me a... Please, give me a witness, would you?

21:31 Yeah, I heard you do it, Drew.

21:33 Drew Oh, no, I didn't say I don't do it. I know I do it. But I'm saying what is the impulse, he's asking. And I'm saying it's talking... How about this?

21:42 Adam What do you mean? How about when a caller asks a question, I dare to take a sip off my coffee mug. There's just dead air because you're not jumping in there.

22:03 Drew I understand he doesn't like that, but obviously I have an impulse to do it and he's asking what's the impulse.

22:07 Adam What is the impulse?

22:08 Drew Anderson, you have any theory?

22:10 I think it goes with your whole thing. You have to get something done right when you have it handed to you and you want to get to the punch line, you want to help them to the punch line.

22:18 Drew So it's a co-dependency, which is finishing sentences.

22:21 Adam You want to guess or help or push or something, but it's wrong 90% of the time. I can't ignore it. You asked me to tell the joke.

22:32 Drew Yeah, but ignore me.

22:34 Adam I can't ignore it.

22:35 Drew It's a verbal thing. Why you do it all the time? You're doing it right now.

22:39 Adam How can I ignore it if you're asking me to say something or do something and then you slide in it?

22:44 Drew And I talk with you like you're doing right now. You're stepping on it. Right. Now you see you have no problem right now. You step on it.

22:50 Adam This is not... Oh, Jesus Christ.

22:52 Drew Why can't you do it?

22:53 Adam How can... What do you mean? Why don't you ignore it next time you're singing and someone slides in during the crescendo and starts singing a different song next to you? Just ignore it.

23:02 Drew It's an ego thing with you as far as telling a joke. You have to stand back.

23:05 Adam It's not an ego thing for me. It's a rhythm thing.

23:08 Drew But everyone has to stand back and hold our breath.

23:11 Adam Everyone has to stand. You asked me... Everyone... No, you don't have to stand back and sit at my hem in awe. You just have to let me explain or get through or express whatever it is I was trying to express. It's not like we're having a debate or an argument. That's a different situation. You want to know what was funny about this thing. I was going to execute it for you and then you slide in and step on the last part.

23:42 Drew I apologize, but does it need the huge reaction?

23:47 Adam Yes, yes, because you do it all the time. It's...

23:52 Hey, Drew, you should take Adam to work with you one time because you know he won't be able to keep his mouth shut and then it's in your arena and you can say, hey, step off.

24:01 Adam Let's just play it again. Can you play that again?

24:03 Drew No, I know I do that. It's not that I'm saying I don't do it. I know I do. I apologize for doing it, but you're asking what's the impulse and I'm saying, why do we have to stop the show for 10 minutes?

24:12 Adam I know, but understand, what if you said, what if we're sitting at a dinner table and you said, like someone said, Drew, tell that joke you tell, tell that funny joke you tell. And so you told the joke and you got toward the end and as you got the end, I slid in and said, tried to guess the punch line at the very end.

24:28 Drew And A, people do that all the time, but B, I don't, I don't, the part of the problem we get into here is I don't realize you're telling a joke. I was thinking that you're telling, I thought we were having a discussion.

24:38 Adam How could it be more obvious when I went into the voice and did the whole thing?

24:41 In order to reach these kids, Replay.

24:44 Adam Will have to become a rapist. Anderson.

24:48 Have what?

24:49 Adam Come on, replay what Drew did and what I said.

24:52 That takes a lot of work.

24:53 Drew No, no, you, you, I, I know what I did and I know.

24:56 Adam No, you don't.

24:57 Drew No, you were, yes, you were launching into this thing. Here's how he said it wrong. The way to do it is.

25:01 Caller I still want to know how to do it.

25:03 Drew Yeah, I do too.

25:03 Adam Now, how dare you.

25:05 Drew Well, I hear you are going into the Koi Passive.

25:07 Adam No, listen, I got, I got momentum from last night. We'll talk off the air. All right, we're taking a break. We'll be back after this.

25:20 Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191 Every hour.

25:37 Adam Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. We need a guest in here. All right, in order to catch a killer, Hacks got to become a killer. All right, hey, Drew. Drew doesn't know what he does.

25:54 Drew No, no, I know what I do. I don't know how to stop.

25:57 Adam And that's why, unless I became conscious of it, you were like, hey, look, I don't think that's funny. And then the person, me, said, well, let me explain how you do it. And I got three quarters into it. And then right at the end, he went, yeah, I know, he becomes a rapist. And by the way, you got it, you screwed it up, which is not even the point, but not something bad, folks. It's like, well, why you gotta jump in and step on it? That's all I'm saying. Let the person counter. Like, okay, you said, look, I don't think this is this way. Let the person go on, let me show you why. I think it's this way.

26:35 Drew I'm a rapist.

26:36 Adam Jen. You're 23?

26:39 Caller Yeah.

26:41 Adam What's up?

26:42 Caller My question is, I'm about two and a half months pregnant and I'm wondering if there is like something over the counter I can take to help me quit smoking cigarettes?

26:55 Drew Basically, you can't take anything when you're pregnant. I wouldn't even take a Tylenol.

26:59 Adam Really?

27:00 Drew I really wouldn't.

27:01 Adam Why? What about all those people taking all that junk over the years?

27:04 Drew Well, the evidence now suggests that smoking cigarettes, the kids that were exposed to nicotine during pregnancy do less well than the kids who were exposed to crack.

27:14 So really? Really?

27:17 Adam Well, actually crack doesn't really do anything, does it?

27:20 Drew It delays them, yeah, there's some delay and stuff, but it's really, it's a serious issue. So the deal is Jen, stop smoking. You just have to stop smoking.

27:27 Adam Oh, but hold on a second, Drew.

27:28 Drew Now the question is can you- You're stepping on me, you're stepping on me, hang on.

27:32 Adam Every other woman's smoked.

27:33 Drew That, yes, they did, and there was a lot of issues, apparently, as a result of that, both the alcohol and the tobacco. We think a lot of the mental illness and things we're seeing now may be related to that. But the question is, can you use a replacement method like the nicotine patches? And that I don't know, but that'd be really the only thing you could do, because I still think exposing to nicotine during pregnancy, even though it's not as bad as cigarette smoke, is not a good idea.

27:56 Adam Well, what's the big difference? You put nicotine in your system, you put nicotine in your system, I mean, it's not constricting blood vessels and stuff.

28:03 Drew Which is really the big issue.

28:05 Adam That is?

28:05 Drew Yeah, it's a big issue.

28:08 Adam How about you start dipping?

28:10 Drew They have what?

28:11 Caller They, I've seen them advertise, they have a new product, it's supposedly like all natural and...

28:17 Drew Jen, you can't take anything. Just get that out of your mind. You can take a multivitamin, pregnancy multivitamin, some iron, that's it. Don't be putting things in your system and talk to your obstetrician about this, okay?

28:32 Adam I don't know, I just think we get a little nutty with this. I mean, it's easy to do. I mean, it's like, look, we just give everybody, but it sort of reminds me of like, look, Drew, just drive 55, what's the big deal? Yeah, I got a car that goes 180. I know, just drive 55, it's safer, it's better, it's better. I know this isn't exactly the same thing. I don't know if people start slamming heroin, but.

28:55 Drew Right, it's a little more like, don't drive while you're intoxicated. Well, if you do, we're going to get you.

29:00 Adam Yeah, I just mean, for so many years, people drank the red wine. Are they coming around on the wine, by the way, with the pregnancy?

29:07 Drew Goes back and forth. They're finding more and more stuff with any alcohol exposure, which I think is not such, that may be overdone.

29:14 Adam Can we figure out the goddamn coffee and the effing booze already?

29:19 Drew Coffee's pretty much, pretty clear.

29:21 Adam It's all, it's great, it's bad, it's kill ya, it's bad.

29:24 Caller It's great, it's bad.

29:25 Adam Let's just stick with something.

29:28 Caller Yeah?

29:29 Adam Yeah. What's going on? Why does everything take so long?

29:32 Drew Well, my, geez.

29:33 Adam I just got a different report every 10 minutes. I'm not taking any chances. I'm doubling down on the booze and the coffee.

29:39 Drew Fair enough.

29:41 Ryan?

29:41 Drew Probably get with this good coffee.

29:43 Ryan?

29:43 Yeah?

29:44 Adam You're 16.

29:45 Caller Yeah.

29:46 Caller I don't clean my penis under the head.

29:51 Drew Congratulations.

29:52 Caller All right.

29:53 Caller I'm uncircumcised.

29:55 Drew Even better. Why are you trying to like...

29:58 Caller I, it hurts.

30:01 Drew It hurts.

30:01 Adam It's sensitive.

30:03 Caller What?

30:04 Adam It's sensitive.

30:05 Caller Yeah, it's really sensitive.

30:08 Caller Like when I'm in class, I get like a boner and then it rubs against my boxers and it's like really, really uncomfortable.

30:15 Drew Yeah, but what does that have to do with just pulling things down and rinsing it off?

30:20 Caller Yeah, I tried that. I can only do it like about a quarter of the way.

30:24 Drew So you can't get the head to come out?

30:27 Caller No, it really hurts.

30:28 Drew It hurts because the skin is stretched or it's too tight?

30:31 Caller Yeah. Should I use soap or something or what?

30:38 Adam Hold on a second.

30:39 Drew Oh my God.

30:40 Adam There's something sort of bogus about this. On the other hand, there's a sort of just sort of sort of stupidity and a sort of specific stupidity that-

30:51 Drew Primitive man stupidity like. You know, Shelley creative.

30:56 Adam Yeah, with Scare-Em-Rice fire.

30:58 I'm just a little nervous.

31:01 Adam That's feeling bogus again.

31:05 Drew Well, here's the deal, Ryan. If you can't pull this foreskin down.

31:09 Caller Yeah.

31:11 Drew That sometimes needs a circumcision when that happens. Yeah. And does your fire.

31:18 Caller Do they give you any kind of pain when they do that, painkillers?

31:24 Adam Ryan, how old are you? What year were you born?

31:28 Caller 1988.

31:30 Drew No, I believe you're 16.

31:32 Adam You're a virgin, right? Shocking. I don't know. I can't tell if Ryan's bogus or just sounds bogus.

31:43 Drew He sounds bogus, but it may be because he's so primitive.

31:49 Adam Primitive. Just call him stupid, would you? It's more insulting to call him primitive. All right, here's the thing. He's got a foreskin. He's got a little gromo going underneath the little cheese underneath the turtleneck there.

32:08 Drew He needs to clean it out.

32:08 Adam Okay, here's a good start. How about you sit yourself in a nice hot tub of water and see what kind of coaxing you can get. Everything expands in the heat.

32:19 Drew And he used soap and some kind of lubricant would bring it out. But be that as it may, if it's so tight that he really has trouble getting it out, you gotta see a urologist about that. Because that will eventually tear and get more stenotic, more narrow, it'll be a pain.

32:32 Adam Yeah. You think he knows where the urologist is?

32:36 Drew Talk to your doctor, Ryan, let him send you to the right kind of doctor.

32:40 Adam Yeah. I wonder if he even has a doctor. Gloria?

32:45 Drew Yes. Ryan, you go to Planned Parenthood in San Diego, they have a big Planned Parenthood in San Diego. Yeah, huge.

32:50 Caller Hello?

32:51 Adam Gloria, you're 25, what's up?

32:54 Caller Well, I'm 25 and I grew up in like the perfect beaver-cleaver family. I have a dad who's really good, but when my dad would go to work, my mother would, I have two sisters, she would be abusive to me and she'd like put me in the basement and tie my hands together. And she was just sadistic to me.

33:13 Adam She would tie you up in the basement?

33:15 You no good hooligan.

33:18 Drew How would she tie your hands together and tie you to a chair or something?

33:23 Caller Just, yeah, sit me down there and then I'd never tell my dad because I knew he wouldn't believe me. And then he'd come home from work and I'd run up to him when he'd come home from work. I mean, it didn't happen every day, but it happened.

33:35 Drew Where does the beaver cleaver scenario come out of the picture?

33:39 Caller To everybody, I had the perfect family. Dad was home at five every night. Church-going people. You know, for all appearances, it was the perfect family, but I suffered for it.

33:49 Drew I'm sure people must have known your mom was wacky. I'm sure your mom went to great lengths to put appearances out there of perfection.

33:58 Caller Oh, definitely.

33:59 Drew I'm sure people knew she was wacky.

34:00 Adam Well, I don't understand. She would tie you up with rope in the basement?

34:05 Caller Yeah, every once in a while. If I was bad or did something wrong, she'd put me in the dark down there and just tie my hands together and let me sit down there. But I think it's affected me in relationships when I'm older.

34:15 Drew Well, you'll pick abusive people.

34:18 Caller I pick very bad abusive men, and the worse they are to me, I put up with it more and more.

34:23 Adam Yeah. I'm wondering, I mean, I know, I guess people get freaked out by their moms that way.

34:30 Caller They usually hear the dad's abuse of.

34:33 Adam Yeah.

34:33 Caller But my dad has never been mean to me or done anything wrong ever in my life.

34:37 Drew Here's what that means to me, is that you have the potential to resolve this and have a relationship with a nice guy.

34:42 Adam Yeah, because-

34:42 Drew You could pull that off.

34:44 Adam Your mom will screw you up in general, but she shouldn't-

34:49 Caller See, until this day, I still try to make her like me. It's like, I'll go over to the house and say, Mom, your hair looks nice, mom. You do this nice, mom. You look like this.

34:57 You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

34:59 Drew Going back to the same person and expecting a different outcome is not likely.

35:04 Caller And it just never happens.

35:05 Drew Right, it's just not who she is. And so you're now trying to find that with a male, try to have a male who you can make treat you nicely. Get over that, find a nice guy like your dad.

35:15 Caller Is that what I should do? Okay, thank you.

35:18 Drew That's easy enough. Why'd you say so?

35:20 Adam Were you in a speed? What were you into?

35:26 Caller When I was younger, drinking, and when I was about 15 or 16, cocaine and things.

35:33 Drew I don't get addict, though, from her.

35:34 Caller I just get burnt.

35:36 Adam I just get chewed up and spit out my life. Bad jobs, bad relationships.

35:43 Caller Yeah, a lot of jobs. I always quote him because I feel like I'm a failure if I start doing good at a job and start getting positive.

35:49 Drew There's a mom thing. That's a mom thing.

35:51 Caller I'll screw it up before I can do good at it.

35:53 Adam All right, well, why don't you get some therapy, baby doll?

35:56 Caller Okay, thank you.

35:57 Adam All right, fine.

35:59 Drew Hey, here's to all that easy.

36:01 Adam Why don't you cure yourself of cancer? All righty-o.

36:04 Drew Hey, thank you.

36:04 Adam Thanks, catch you later. You guys are greatest. Yeah, yeah, that's good times. I don't know about, I'm always amazed at these parents. Well, first off, the world's greatest dad, the world's greatest dad doesn't marry the world's worst mom. That's number one. And two, how does a kid never convey this to the dad and how come the dad never picks up on his mom?

36:32 Drew Why does the family have to have such severe secrets, secrets where nobody can express themselves?

36:38 Adam Here's my question too, is it ever that polar? Is mom ever that horrible and dad that great? No, no. No, I guarantee that's a little, meets it's a little closer to the Mason Dixon line. All right, we'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back after this.

36:58 Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready, ready, ready.

37:13 Adam Phone number, 1-800-LLV-E-191. We're gonna speak to Stephanie, who's 19. When she cuddles with boyfriend after fighting, she gets real excited. All right, that sounds exciting. Stephanie? You, yeah. What's up?

37:38 Caller Hi, well, my boyfriend and I get in fights. I don't know, we almost, we always make up. And it's afterwards when we're laying in bed and we're cuddling. And we're really close to each other. And I just get really excited, like, and like in a horny way, I get really horny. And it's strange because when we just normally go to have sex.

38:03 Adam Had to say horny twice.

38:05 Caller I'm really horny.

38:08 Adam Horny way sounds like it's just a great cul-de-sac to live on. You take, yeah, you take Strumpet Road, you'll hit horny circle and then horny way. That's the next, and then we're right there. We're second house on the left. You can't miss it.

38:25 Drew What kind of fighting do you guys do? Is there, do you hit each other?

38:28 Adam Hand to hand, they use throwing stars.

38:30 Drew Nunchucks or anything?

38:32 Caller No, we don't hit each other. I mean, they're always verbal, you know?

38:36 Adam Listen, you're 19. That's what you do. You get all fired up. You get the juices flowing. But any cuddle, you get horny.

38:42 Drew The aggression is what's being converted into sexual.

38:44 Adam We ever physically abused?

38:46 Drew No. No.

38:48 Caller No.

38:49 Adam Okay. No problems? No problems growing up with this?

38:53 Caller I mean, I was molested once, but it wasn't my, any family members or anything.

38:59 Adam Who did it?

39:02 Caller Um, a friend of mine.

39:04 Drew How old were you?

39:06 Caller I was actually over the summer.

39:08 Adam You got molested last summer?

39:10 Caller Yeah.

39:12 Drew That wouldn't be molested. That's raped.

39:13 Adam That's raped.

39:15 Caller Well, I mean, there was no...

39:17 Adam Penetration?

39:18 Drew Hmm?

39:19 Adam No intercourse? What?

39:20 Drew It's a sexual assault, then.

39:21 Adam What was there?

39:23 Caller Well, you know, it was a guy I thought I could trust, and I could not drive because I was intoxicated, and I passed out at his house, and, well, I woke up with his hands down my pants, basically.

39:43 And he was touching me.

39:44 Caller And then what?

39:48 Caller I told him to get off of me, but I couldn't leave, and so he actually, he didn't say anything. He just got up and, like, went into his room, and he didn't come out, and I left as soon as I woke up in the morning.

39:58 A rapist.

40:01 Drew All right. You know, inappropriate sexual contact.

40:04 Adam Yeah. That shouldn't leave too big a mark.

40:07 Drew No.

40:08 Adam No.

40:08 Drew It's not molestation. Molestation is when you're pre-puberty, like your child. Mm-hmm.

40:16 Adam So, Stephanie, that's the only thing that happened. You got a little trauma there. Somebody stepped out of line. You caught it. You stopped it. I wonder how much of that stuff, by the way, like, you know, you know what these guys do? I would imagine.

40:30 Drew These guys that try this kind of thing?

40:31 Adam Yeah. The chick's passed out. So, you take your hand and you start rubbing down there. It doesn't really wake anybody up. You know what I mean? As a matter of fact, it probably feels good.

40:42 Drew Yeah, but again, that's a guy wishing somebody would do that to him.

40:46 Adam No, I know. But what I'm saying is, is I think what happens is the guys test the water a little by doing the little outside the panties, outside the pants rub for five minutes. Don't get much of a response. Then the hand slides in. Then they wake up. Right, right. And I don't even know. You know, it's sort of like the guy giving the other guy the BJ. The guy's drunk. The guy's passed out. The guy's having a dream. One of the Hee Haw twins is giving them a little pleasure and then wakes up and sees the guy at the goatee and freaks. You see what I'm saying? Yeah. Drew, that's happened to you. Yes.

41:23 Drew By having a flashback.

41:24 Adam Yeah. I mean, not to go tea back then. He had that big damn haggardy beard. Yes. Big Merlin Olsen beard. But the point is, the point is, is I kind of think that when these guys do this, they think like, all right, I'm just going to rub for a little bit. It seems like she's like, she's okay with it. Either she's not waking up or it's like you're in that state where you just kind of passed out. It's like if someone was doing something that felt kind of good and you're drunk and high and whatever and passed out, you don't even know what's like, you'll hang for it, right? That shouldn't count. I mean, that shouldn't be, what this guy did was wrong, but she shouldn't be traumatized from that.

42:00 Drew It's still something up with Stephanie. She likes the aggressive and the makeup sex.

42:05 Adam Not going to get to it. Wendy?

42:08 Drew Yeah.

42:08 Adam You're 25?

42:10 Caller Yep.

42:11 Adam Sorry for disturbing you at this time.

42:16 Caller Uh-oh.

42:18 Caller What was that? All righty.

42:23 Adam You got a fiance? Yep. And you're cheating on him?

42:29 Caller Yeah, for the past like four months.

42:32 Adam Mm-hmm. When are you guys planning on getting married? Wow, that's like a, that's like a recorded drop of a baby cry.

42:47 Drew It was, Anderson.

42:48 Adam No, well, that's why it sounded like a recorded drop of a baby cry.

42:53 Caller I don't know.

42:57 Drew I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

43:04 Caller I don't know. I don't know.

43:31 Adam I'm gonna go ahead and start. I'm gonna go ahead and start.

45:48 Drew Gonna go ahead and start.

45:51 Adam Let me tell you something, Drew, as I've told you many times when you tell me you're gonna take $3 million but each one of your kids drew a college. I keep telling you, there's huge swings in parenting. And it's sort of like, there's the guys who own the dogs that take them to the dog park and throw the frisbee every day and knit them a sweater and get them a present for Easter, give them like a giblets Easter bunny. And then there's ones that just, they put them in the backyard and they just, they shut the back door and that's it.

46:22 Drew There's some that put electric prod in the cage too.

46:24 Adam Yeah, there's those too. But I mean, there's just the ones that just say, you know, the dog will raise himself.

46:29 Drew Wendy, you've got to do some parenting. The book I'm gonna recommend to you is called Parenting From The Inside Out by a guy named Siegel. And the time you don't spend with your kid, your kid needs at least a third of your day in your presence and it is critical to the child's brain development.

46:43 Adam I hope it's a chick, should be a stripper. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

46:47 Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me. So what's up? 877-889-DATE.

47:29 Adam Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. It's been exquisitely hot. And it's getting on my nerves. I'm on my last nerve with this heat. And it's another one of these things, by the way. I know I like to blame everything on the weatherman, but the point is, here's about how good that five-day forecast is. The week before it was basically raining, blustering, cold. Three days later, maybe two days later, we were setting heat records. What? Any heads up on that?

48:06 Drew No, there was a little bit of a heads up.

48:07 Adam A little?

48:07 Drew Yeah, but then they expect the predicted rain again three days later. That was 10 days ago.

48:12 Adam I didn't get any heat record heads up.

48:17 Drew Sunday, yeah, Sunday, over last weekend, they went, you're not gonna believe the heat this weekend. And I thought, yeah, but I just completely dismissed it. Pow.

48:25 Adam Yeah, it is, it's crazy hot.

48:28 Drew Corolla.

48:29 Adam Yeah.

48:30 Caller I'm like you, I really hate the heat, but now working on the show when it gets hot, I mean, I can take the sweating, but I get really upset about having to come to work because I know that it's gonna come up eventually with you.

48:40 Drew Just listening to Adam upsets you. It's not actually tolerating the heat.

48:42 Caller Exactly, I'm like, oh God, it's hot today. I know that means.

48:45 Caller Oh yeah, yeah.

48:46 Drew You're gonna hear about it.

48:47 Adam Well, to be fair to me, it's been hot the last three days I haven't brought anything up. But I thought it was some sort of fluke. That it would break. Some sort of flash in the pan. Like, why is it still hot? I was surprised when they did that thing and they went like, it's usually, they do that average temperature, whatever. It was like 65.

49:08 Drew Well, it's 88 or something today or 90.

49:10 Adam It was like 93 downtown, which for those of you, well, that was yesterday, I think, or the day before. But the point is, is for those of you who don't know the area, in the doggiest days of summer on the west side, it rarely gets past 90. Downtown is always, if it's 93 downtown, it's usually 118 in the valley. It's good times, yeah. Thank God I worked in a concrete bunker over there for many years. Ryan?

49:40 Caller Hello, how's it going?

49:42 Adam 24, good. What's up?

49:44 Caller Yes, okay, I recently started therapy, because I just, I don't know, I kind of felt lost, and I'm a, well, I mean, I'm a virgin, to get it off my back.

49:55 Drew Bag it better, run your 24.

49:57 Adam True, please. Yes.

49:59 Caller And well, the therapist and I were talking, and it turned out that there were a bunch of things as I was growing up that I sort of remembered that I was telling him about, and he said that those weren't normal. They weren't, you know, they weren't healthy ways, mostly involving my father and I.

50:16 Drew Like what?

50:17 Caller To bring, like, we would take showers together past an appropriate age. And like, I think he held my penis once, well, not once, but, you know, during like, I don't know.

50:34 Adam What age did you have the showers?

50:38 Caller Um, well, like, seven, eight, up to there.

50:44 Adam So, what do you think, what do you suspect your dad was doing? I mean, was he just being negligent, or is he some sort of quasi-pedophile who just never could squeeze a trigger on his own son's ass, or what is it?

50:58 Caller I don't, I don't really know.

51:00 Drew Just poor boundaries.

51:02 Caller I was telling my therapist about all this stuff, and he said, you know, that's inappropriate, that wasn't good, and I think that there might be more, and I was like, you know, I don't know, you know, what you're doing with that, and he...

51:17 Adam He thinks there might be more?

51:18 Drew There's gotta be more, where the smoke is fire.

51:20 Caller Well, that's what he said.

51:22 Adam But, but, but hold on a second, Ryan and Drew, because some guys are just bad. They have bad boundaries, bad decisions, and bad whatever.

51:32 Drew And the more may not be overt abuse, but there's gonna be more to be revealed about this weird guy that's doing his weird things.

51:38 Adam I'm sure of it, but it seems like, look, if he's into you sexually, he does something.

51:43 Drew Oh, yeah, I'm not... I'm actually not getting sexual abuse. I'm getting more like bipolar, alcoholics, stuff where he's just messed up.

51:52 Adam Well, I thought Ryan was gonna get at something physical.

51:55 Caller Um, well, there was this one time that, um, I mean, we were both showering together, and, um, he had me...

52:06 Drew Penis in the mouth.

52:09 Caller Well...

52:10 Caller Hold on. Do you think this is bogus?

52:13 Drew No, no.

52:14 Adam No? Thank God the Corollas didn't have showers.

52:17 Drew This is gonna be if he put the penis somewhere.

52:20 Adam Yeah, he put his penis... What'd he do?

52:23 Caller Well, I don't think he did anything like that. He told me he had to soap my back, and then he...

52:33 Drew Mason jar?

52:34 Caller Had me...

52:35 Drew Mason jar.

52:36 Caller Turned around and...

52:37 Drew Mason jar.

52:39 Adam You son of a bitch, you've got a Mason jar. Wait, you, I said it was bogus.

52:45 Drew You're right.

52:46 Adam All right, Ryan, it was a nice try.

52:48 Caller Almost, almost got him.

52:50 Adam You almost got there. It's just you started it.

52:52 Caller I didn't pull the trigger.

52:54 Drew Right, you built it a little too slow.

52:56 Adam Let me.

52:56 Drew But that was a good idea to build slowly, but you didn't have a proper payoff.

53:00 Caller Drew, you stepped all over Ryan, man.

53:02 Adam Let me explain, let me explain what happened there, Ryan.

53:06 Caller OK, thanks.

53:07 Adam Ryan.

53:08 Caller Go ahead.

53:08 Caller Over here, buddy.

53:09 Adam Here's what it is.

53:10 Caller Here it is.

53:11 Adam You had a plane and you used up too much runway. You were on a carrier. You didn't know you were on a carrier deck. And you just, you didn't pull back on the yoke. You had enough ground speed. You just, you never pulled back. You went into the ocean. You got cocky. You tried to use up, you just, you used up too much deck. We were right with him. Although, I hate to give myself credit because you know how difficult that is for me, Drew, but there's a boat, it started to smell bogus to me to a certain point. Well, listen, nice try there, Rod. The Virgin part was a nice...

53:53 Drew Yeah, yeah, it was all fitting for me.

53:54 Adam Nice angle. The Virgin, we might not be that far for Virgin, though, whether we're Ryan.

54:00 Caller Oh, how... I have two things to say to that, Adam.

54:02 Drew How dare you.

54:03 Caller How dare you, and how dare you, sir.

54:07 Drew He is a virgin. You're gay.

54:09 Adam All right, there's got to be elements of that there.

54:12 Drew Actually, probably not even 24.

54:16 Adam And I'm going with the 24 part, Ryan. Oh, I think he hung up. It's a bad sign that we bust people for bogus calls and then talk to them when they hang up on us. Think about how desperate that is.

54:30 Drew Our self-esteem.

54:32 Adam Giovanni?

54:33 Yeah.

54:34 Adam You're 18?

54:35 Caller Yeah.

54:35 Adam What's up?

54:37 Caller I'm gay, and my boy, okay, this is my first boyfriend, my first serious relationship, and he left for Maryland about a week ago, and before he left, we were together for about two and a half months.

54:52 Adam Baltimore, Maryland?

54:54 Caller I don't know. Somewhere in Maryland. He didn't give me the exact destination, because he worked for Cruise Line. So I'm like, I'm all for it, because it's a good job. But we were together for two months before he left, and I asked him before that, I was like, well, what do you do on the boat? He goes, and he was like, well, there are guys, and yes, we do have sex. And I was like, so basically you're telling me you have sex while you're gone. And he was like, yeah. And then he told me that he would, he is most likely going to have sex while he's gone, but he doesn't want me to.

55:31 Drew How old is this guy?

55:33 Caller He's 19, he's 18 also.

55:37 Adam What's his nationality?

55:38 Caller He's white.

55:40 Adam Really? He's not even Italian or anything?

55:42 Caller No, I'm Italian.

55:44 Adam Oh, really?

55:44 Drew Giovanni.

55:45 Adam I can't believe you're putting up with this crap.

55:47 Caller Well, because I love him. He's like my first serious thing.

55:51 Drew He's abusive. Yeah.

55:52 Adam He's an angel.

55:53 Caller No, he's not abusive at all.

55:55 Drew This is abusive, Giovanni. This is an abusive situation. He's being abusive towards you. He's telling you he's going to cheat and that you'd have to just suck it up and take it.

56:04 Caller What he told me is he doesn't see this cheating. Cheating in his eyes is sleeping with someone and then having feelings for them.

56:13 Drew Well, let's think. Wait, Adam, wait a second, Giovanni.

56:15 Adam Hold on.

56:16 Drew Let's see. Why don't we try that with our wives?

56:19 Adam He should represent himself in court, by the way, if he ever gets busted for murder.

56:22 Drew For anything. I don't consider that murder.

56:24 Adam Your Honor, no, this is not murder. This is me taking a life. I didn't kill somebody.

56:28 Drew I think you and I had to try this cheating thing with our wives. I don't consider this cheating, so you just...

56:33 Adam Yeah, let me explain what I consider cheating. First, I have to have an orgasm, and that orgasm has to make contact with at least three women.

56:41 Drew It's got to be three.

56:42 It's got to be at least three.

56:44 Drew That's where my cheating would...

56:45 Caller On route.

56:45 Drew And simultaneously.

56:47 Adam Well, someone's going to get hit first, but it's all during the same cell, though.

56:51 Caller Right, right, right.

56:52 Adam And there can be no gifts exchanged. There can be no love. If it's just purely a debaucher sexual adventure...

57:02 Drew With multiple partners.

57:03 Adam I don't consider that cheating.

57:04 Drew Let's try that.

57:06 Caller Yeah.

57:06 Drew Let's see if we return with our testicles.

57:09 Adam Right. Giovanni?

57:10 Caller Yeah.

57:12 Drew That's terribly...

57:13 Adam You didn't enter with your testicles, though.

57:16 Drew Terribly...

57:16 Adam Be fair to your wife.

57:17 Drew Terribly abusive, Giovanni. Really horrible.

57:20 Adam He's a bad guy. Look, first off, let me explain something. Everyone who works on cruise ships is evil. All of them. Purser, skipper, the lower you go down, the more evil they are. The waiters, it's one big floating sexual Petri dish with screwball nationalities from all over the world just banging the bejesus out of each other and out of the people in steerage.

57:46 Drew How about the people that come on board?

57:48 Adam They're horrible too.

57:49 Drew No, no, but I mean these...

57:50 Adam They bang them, they bang everyone. The people in steerage.

57:54 Drew What does that mean?

57:55 Adam They're down at the bottom.

57:56 Drew I mean the passengers in steerage.

57:58 Adam Yeah.

57:58 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah.

57:59 Adam Well, if you have the people in steerage...

58:01 Drew I think about the people in steerage being the staff. That's where they stay.

58:04 Adam Okay. They bang the bejesus out of everybody.

58:07 Caller Mm-hmm.

58:09 Adam And they're horrible. Okay. Giovanni, you need to break up on this guy. Yeah. His ship has sailed, and so has yours.

58:17 Drew And not to say that he wouldn't like to be in a relationship with you or doesn't have feelings for you or wasn't wished that you would just wait by for him. He has shown his true colors. He is a very bad guy. There you go.

58:31 Adam Why are you gay? Did someone sexually abuse you?

58:33 Caller Oh, no. No, no, no. I've never really been turned on by women. I've always known I was different. I've always known I liked men.

58:43 Adam And everything cool? Who screwed you up?

58:48 Caller I was in foster care for twelve and a half years.

58:50 Adam Foster care?

58:52 Caller Yeah. And so that was really big.

58:55 Adam Any sexual abuse?

58:58 Caller No, there was a lot of sexual activity, though.

59:00 Adam Well, sexual activity at age eight is sexual abuse.

59:04 Drew Of course.

59:05 Caller Oh, well, no, it didn't start at age eight. I started being sexually active when I was ten.

59:09 Drew That's sexual abuse.

59:11 Caller It was everyone my age.

59:13 Drew That's sexual abuse, Giovanni.

59:16 Adam It's not as bad as old Harry Uncle Lou having at you, but it's still not a great thing.

59:22 Drew Child on child sexual abuse is very common.

59:24 Adam So here's the point. Giovanni was in foster care for like 12 years. That's a disaster.

59:30 Drew We need to find out why he was in foster care.

59:32 Adam His mom couldn't pronounce his name, and so the city took him away.

59:37 Drew Dad became a Formula One racer.

59:38 Adam Giovanni?

59:39 Caller Yeah.

59:40 Adam Why were you in foster care?

59:42 Caller Because someone in my neighborhood made allegations that I was being babysat by an unfit babysitter who was a druggy, in which she was and my mom didn't know. And so I was taken away in the middle of the day while my mom was at work. And then the state found out that she was into alcohol and other crap. Yeah, my mom.

1:00:06 Drew And how about your dad? Where was he?

1:00:08 Caller I don't know my dad.

1:00:08 Drew Formula One racer.

1:00:09 Adam Circuit, yeah. All right, Giovanni, listen to me, because I'm a geogenius, all right? You've had a horrible childhood. And I know you sort of gloss over it. Well, your mom is at work one day, somebody made some allegations and they came and snatched you out.

1:00:28 Drew No, that never happens unless the misconduct is profound, Giovanni, profound.

1:00:33 Adam Yes, your mother was horribly unfit.

1:00:35 Drew Yes.

1:00:35 Adam And your dad abandoned the family, and you were abused in every way you can define abuse.

1:00:43 Caller Why would the One Night Stand? I can see that in a One Night Stand.

1:00:47 Drew Whatever, it's a bad situation.

1:00:51 Adam You would have been better off just being squeezed out of a bar rag. So, everything is horrible. Now you're 18, you're with the guys taking advantage of you because your self-esteem is effed up because of all the horrible. This is really the saddest, it's the saddest part of life to me, which is the people that grow up and they get nourished emotionally and they have people tell them they're pretty or they're handsome or they're smart or they're whatever they are and they can achieve anything. They go on and just have a life where the seas part for them. The signals all turn green as they go down the highway. And then the people that get the emotional abuse, the sexual abuse, the verbal abuse, foster care and all this, they get hooked up with people that just step on them over and over and over again.

1:01:40 Drew I want someone to tell me why the human must recreate over and again the most horrible things that happened to them in life. What is that?

1:01:49 Adam I don't know, but it's just like, I would be fine if somebody was raised in a mansion, had butlers and servants and two loving parents, and had the life of Riley until age 20, and then got into a couple of bad jobs and a couple of bad relationships for a run after that. It doesn't work that way. And it's sort of crap on crap mixed in with just a little bit of crap sprinkled. The guys like Giovanni have the horrible, abusive childhoods, and then just go on to get abused by some...

1:02:22 Drew But they make sure of it. The kids who are abused make sure they have abusive people in their life from then on.

1:02:27 Adam Yes. This, by the way, is the real damage that's done from the abusive parents.

1:02:33 Drew Yes, of course.

1:02:33 Adam Because the other stuff is, well, okay, so you get abused, but it ends. This is the legacy. Giovanni gets some therapy. All right. Alexis?

1:02:44 Caller Yeah?

1:02:45 Adam You're 20?

1:02:46 Caller Yeah.

1:02:47 Adam What's up?

1:02:48 Caller How are you?

1:02:49 Adam Good.

1:02:50 Caller I smoke too much pot, I think. And I know that you guys are in LA and I'm in LA and I wanted to know if Dr. Drew, or maybe you had any numbers or any groups or something that I should be in. And like, I don't really think... I mean, I like smoking, but I just don't think it's helping anything. Do you know what I'm saying? Or no, not at all?

1:03:09 Adam Well, you're ready to quit.

1:03:11 Caller I mean, yeah, I think, I think that like, I'm just, is that the only question?

1:03:17 Adam Well, how long have you been smoking pot?

1:03:19 Caller Like every day for a while. Since like, probably like 11th grade when we had our own cars and stuff like that.

1:03:24 Adam Drew, what do you hear about, and you don't hear about women, especially young women getting so tied up so fast, like wanting to quit? They don't call this show and talk about quitting. The guys talk about quitting.

1:03:37 Caller Yeah.

1:03:37 Adam Guys get busted.

1:03:38 Caller I like girls, so maybe that's weird too.

1:03:42 Adam Well, maybe that's what is. Now, when you're dyking off, you're the guy then, right?

1:03:48 Caller Not, I mean like, no, I have like relationship issues and like don't really, like I don't have any real relationships. It's just like...

1:03:57 Adam True place. Maybe she's a little depressed too.

1:04:00 Caller Well, of course. Yeah, I'm on like pills and yeah, all sorts of that. I'm depressed and I don't think the pot really is helping that because I know that when I'm going to try to get off it, it's just going to become more depressed and I'm going to need it and blah, blah, blah. And so I was thinking that like maybe other people kind of go through stuff like that too and I should be hanging with them more.

1:04:18 Adam You know what I mean? Yeah, well, that sounds like a good plan.

1:04:21 Drew Alright, so Alexis.

1:04:22 Caller Yeah, I'm listening, I'm sorry.

1:04:23 Drew Alright, this is very common.

1:04:26 Caller Yes.

1:04:26 Drew And you need to go to MA. There's thousands of people in MA with exactly your story and it's a common deal and thank God you're getting to it a little earlier than most before you either graduated or something else.

1:04:39 Caller But I mean like, yeah, that was the other thing. Like I started kind of just messing around with other stuff but like I don't really... No, like I will coke a little bit but like I wasn't really into it, I don't really like it. Thank God I guess but...

1:04:54 Drew You got to go to 12-Step, there is no other way unfortunately. And you can talk to the doctors prescribing the medication, maybe they will suggest that, and certainly you need to be monitored in that first six months after you stop smoking pot because as you discovered your mood will get horribly depressed during that period of time. But marijuana addiction accounts for most, probably the single most common drug, well, one of the most single most common drugs of addiction we're dealing with right now. It's very common. It's back so common now, it's the only dedicated drug group that at my hospital we're having to come up with a second night. In other words, we have an NA group, an AA group. The MA, the marijuana is so populated, we're having to come up with another night. Having two different nights.

1:05:34 Adam Isn't it just because they're fatter and take up more room?

1:05:37 Drew No, no. Well, they have to put more stuff in the room, more food, more shiny stuff.

1:05:42 Adam Yeah. Alright. So, hey, is it because of the potency of marijuana?

1:05:49 Drew That, and it's an addictive drug for some people.

1:05:51 Adam I know, but I mean, here's the thing. Back in the day, it was just a bunch of shake and leaves and stuff. I mean, you smoke five joints, you barely cop a buzz. The buzz you were getting was from depleting your brain of oxygen. You know, you're hyperventilating. Now, stuff is crazy.

1:06:05 Drew Right, it's the equivalent of the oxycontin of marijuana. We have a more addictive chemical getting exposed to, so people get addicted more quickly. But more importantly, it just sort of there's this delusional cultural reinforcement. A pot's a good thing. It's healthy for you. Everyone should be smoking. And people get strung out on it. And it never happens. It can't be. Pot's not addictive. Don't you know pot's not addictive? Well, what do these poor people do? Get addicted. Lots of them. Lots of them.

1:06:31 Adam Also, pot is a it's a drug that you can sort of be quasi functional on for long periods of time. And you're just quite, you're not quite, you're not at the top of your game, but no one's really going to accuse you. Like when you're drunk, you're drunk, you know? You get pulled over, you get busted, you lose your job, you smell of booze, you know? All this stuff. Pot, I know guys who just get, they can get stoned in the morning and go to work, and they do pretty good work.

1:06:58 Drew But then usually there's a slow decay in their abilities and no one sees it. It's least of all the patient, the person who's doing it. They don't see the effect. They don't believe it.

1:07:07 Adam Brian?

1:07:08 Caller Yeah?

1:07:09 Adam You're 17?

1:07:10 Caller Totally.

1:07:11 Drew All right, buddy.

1:07:13 Adam Germany or Florida?

1:07:14 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:07:15 Adam Bring it on.

1:07:16 Caller I was psyched out. Talking to Adam and all. Yeah.

1:07:19 Adam It's exciting. I admit. Whatever.

1:07:21 Caller Oh, it's not coalition play or whatever thing. That hurts me.

1:07:25 Caller Yeah, whatever.

1:07:26 Adam I think that was more dig at me, Brian.

1:07:29 Caller Oh, all right. Go ahead. So these three guys are out golfing. And they're a little wasted. And so one of them starts to be funny if they put their nads in the ball washer. And while he's doing that, one of the friends clamps it down and turns it on. And, you know, the guy's nads are in there. So the guy passes out and he falls off. And when he does that, his actually his nads rip off. And so this guy is sterile for the rest of his life. Liar!

1:07:55 Caller Liar whore!

1:07:56 Caller Liar whore!

1:07:58 Adam The ball washer is a hand operated thing. You don't flip on the power.

1:08:05 Caller And uh...

1:08:06 Drew And it's high. How do you get up there to get your nuts?

1:08:10 Adam I've got my nuts in there before.

1:08:12 Caller He what?

1:08:13 Caller He was balancing with a nine iron. And he had two other guys with him.

1:08:17 Adam He was...

1:08:18 Drew Balancing with a nine iron?

1:08:20 Caller What does that mean?

1:08:21 Drew I don't know.

1:08:21 Caller Okay, is this bogus?

1:08:23 Drew It just sounds like urban legend. It's nothing.

1:08:28 Adam We refuse to think of this as an actual event that actually occurred, Brian.

1:08:32 Caller We're losing the Darwin Awards.

1:08:34 Caller No. All right.

1:08:35 Adam Well, I'm going Florida anyway.

1:08:36 Drew Florida.

1:08:38 Caller You guys decided?

1:08:39 Adam Yeah.

1:08:40 Caller That's right. West Florida.

1:08:41 Drew There we go.

1:08:43 Adam You always know we're right when they do that. Okay, final answer. Yeah, Florida. All right, so you're going, you guys are set. Set on the Sunshine State then, huh? Yeah, we're going Florida. Okay, because then the answer is Florida.

1:08:58 Florida.

1:09:01 Adam So fair trying to talk us out of our answer. We got you. All right. I don't think they allow golf in Germany, by the way. And number two, electric ball wash. Drew is the only doctor on the planet who's never actually shot a round of golf.

1:09:19 Drew That's true.

1:09:20 Adam And Drew, you always say, I don't have time for golf. I understand. What do you do? That's the whole thing. Here's what golf is for. It forces guys like these sort of captain of industry guys or these attorneys or these doctors especially, it forces guys with crazy schedules to stop doing stuff for like four hours and go stand around somewhere because otherwise they couldn't do it, but then it becomes addictive and then they get into it. And then they start talking about it all the time and then they become a-holes. But initially, the impulse is good. See, Drew, you need to stop. And the problem is you can't stop because you always got your phone by, you're always doing, I gotta work out, you know, so all this thing. It forces you to stop. Yeah?

1:10:05 Drew I don't wanna stop. I'm gonna keep smoking pot.

1:10:08 Adam Alright, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:10:15 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:10:27 Adam That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Will Sasso will be in here. He will be in here tomorrow night. He's from Less Than Perfect, and you know him from MADD TV. He's the guy with the huge head.

1:10:43 Caller Not fat head, big head, Buddha head.

1:10:48 Adam Big, funny guy. So be good to see you tomorrow night. Will Arnett will be in here from Arrested Development, and then Titus, Chris Titus coming in here, and Chris Pontius is coming in here from Jackass, Cypress Hill, Benji from Good Charlotte coming in, Bert McCracken from The Used.

1:11:08 Caller Oh, Bert.

1:11:09 Adam That was Kelly's boyfriend.

1:11:11 Caller Yep.

1:11:12 Adam Broke her heart. We got a score to settle with that Bert.

1:11:16 Caller Yeah. All right.

1:11:18 Adam We'll get into that in the next days and weeks.

1:11:21 Caller Wait a minute, I screwed that up.

1:11:23 Adam So I want to talk to Jennifer.

1:11:27 Drew Well, hang on a second, Jennifer. Man, we want to talk about the threesome thing.

1:11:31 Adam What happened to the threesome, kiddies? I was saying to Drew, we haven't had a threesome call in like five years.

1:11:37 Drew It's been a while.

1:11:38 Adam Aren't you guys getting it on together anymore?

1:11:40 Drew Seems like the whole preoccupation with that has passed.

1:11:43 Adam What's up? Are you guys uptight?

1:11:44 Drew They're not cool.

1:11:47 Adam That's, look, only reason I come into work every night is because I think I'm going to hear a threesome question. I love a threesome question. It's just not coming anymore. There were all the rage about six years ago. Everyone was having a threesome.

1:12:01 Drew Even up to four years ago, I'd say.

1:12:03 Adam Is threesome, has it become passe so it's not worth talking about? Or are people not engaging in as many threesomes?

1:12:12 Drew And if not, why, what's happening? How did we get out of that?

1:12:16 Adam Maybe everyone checked that box on their things to do list? Well, look at it this way. If you had that threesome 18, 19 years old, now you're 24, it's like been there, done that.

1:12:34 Drew You know how young guys are, though. They get a taste of something. They're like lions having eaten.

1:12:39 Adam Yeah, on the kill, yeah, taste of blood. Jennifer? You're 18?

1:12:46 Caller Yes, I was gonna say, Adam, I love you.

1:12:49 Adam I love you too.

1:12:50 Caller I think that you're one of the smartest, funniest people on our team.

1:12:54 Adam Well, that's true, but you gotta think of what the competition is.

1:13:01 Drew So it's easy for him to be the smartest, funniest.

1:13:03 Adam Yeah. Yeah, and that's not because I like myself.

1:13:08 Caller I love myself, man.

1:13:10 Drew Really?

1:13:10 Adam I'm gonna do it when I get home. Have you had a threesome lately, Jennifer?

1:13:15 Caller Lately?

1:13:18 Drew Ever?

1:13:21 Caller I guess only a three-way kiss. That doesn't really count, but.

1:13:25 Adam Is that two chicks and a dude? Oh, and you.

1:13:31 Caller Yeah.

1:13:32 Adam Once in a while you see that two dudes and a chick three-way kiss, and that always gets a little weird for me. You know?

1:13:39 Caller Yeah, it's better with three girls, but.

1:13:41 Adam Yeah. Did you do that? So some guys could watch or is that just for you guys?

1:13:49 Caller I don't know, both.

1:13:51 Drew All right, what's your question?

1:13:52 Caller Yeah, that's because the dudes are watching. Well, since I've been young, since I can probably like seven, six, I've, you know, masturbated, and I've also had a sexual experience with another girl at a very young age. And now it's, I'm not like attracted to girls at all, really, like sexually, I wouldn't want anything sexually, but like when I have sex with guys, I can orgasm, but I have to be like on top and like in control, and I can't get off during like oral sex or anything like that. So I don't know if it's related to that, like, cause I, you know, I don't masturbate regularly, and for me, that's the only way during like with another person.

1:14:37 Drew What does that mean?

1:14:40 Adam I thought you had orgasm when you got on top.

1:14:44 Caller I do, but it's, that's the only way. Like I can't, like if a guy, cause a lot of guys don't like when a girl's on top, or guys I've been with.

1:14:54 Drew Really? Most guys will like that. The guys are lazy. And so the fact that you can do that, you're way ahead of average, the fact that you can have an orgasm during intercourse.

1:15:02 Adam You can kick these guys right in the sack.

1:15:04 Drew Yeah.

1:15:05 Caller Well I know it's kind of annoying cause I can have an orgasm. It's just like, it's really frustrating. Like during oral sex, like I have to fake it cause I feel bad sometimes.

1:15:15 Drew No, you gotta listen, Jennifer, just speak your mind about what you like.

1:15:18 Adam You're breaking my heart, sweet cheeks. I can only have an orgasm on top.

1:15:23 Drew Well, you know. Guys are the guys, just you're fine. Find a guy, tell him what you like, what you're gonna do, and that's that. He'll be fine.

1:15:32 Caller He'll be fine. Do you think that I should experience it with girls? I mean, I'd, I mean.

1:15:38 Adam Yeah, that's what Drew said. Drew said, go find yourself a broad and bury your face in her vagina.

1:15:43 Caller No, I'm just wondering, because when I was younger, I could order them with a girl. Like eight to 10.

1:15:51 Adam How old was the girl?

1:15:54 Caller She was one of my friends.

1:15:55 Yeesh.

1:15:59 Adam All right, there sounds like you didn't grow up in the greatest of environments, Jennifer.

1:16:04 Caller No, I did. I had two parents, like no sexual abuse or anything.

1:16:09 Drew Except for the eight-year-old. Yeah, that's sexual abuse.

1:16:12 Adam That counts as something. Not as bad as the old guy, but still counts as something.

1:16:16 Caller But it was like our own, like we knew what we were doing sort of thing.

1:16:19 Drew Jennifer, you were eight.

1:16:20 Adam Were you having orgasms?

1:16:22 Caller Yeah, yeah.

1:16:22 Adam How did you know? I mean, just felt like electric shock or something?

1:16:26 Caller I just knew. I mean, you can tell what an orgasm is, you know? It's not that hard.

1:16:31 Drew How did you know what?

1:16:32 Adam I wish a chick I was with could tell what one was like.

1:16:34 Drew How do you, did you even know that those kinds of things happened?

1:16:40 Caller Well, she felt the feeling. I knew about sex and I was very curious.

1:16:45 Drew How did you know about it?

1:16:46 Adam Hold on a second.

1:16:47 Drew Well, I'm just curious what you were exposed to. No, no, what you were exposed to. How did you know about it?

1:16:53 Caller I was watching, I used to watch fuzzy porn on the channel that I could. But that's-

1:16:59 Adam Fuzzy porn? You mean scrambled porn?

1:17:03 Caller Yeah, it would come in, but not really. I remember I saw that when I was eight, and it made me excited, I guess.

1:17:13 Caller All right, all right.

1:17:14 Adam First off, let me tell you, that scrambled porn, you think you're looking at some boob and you're looking at the back of some guy's sack. Can really be tough.

1:17:24 Drew It can be traumatizing.

1:17:25 Adam It can be traumatizing when you're like, oh yeah, oh no, that's what it's like. Let me say, they gotta put that cone, that Caltrans orange cone at the porn shop as you start to veer into the gay porn section. They gotta put something up. Put a velvet rope up or partition or something, a curtain, nothing worse than that. Because I always walk, I just slide along, I do a little side shuffle. I step, here's what I do, I move left to right. I kick out my right foot about three feet and I slide my other one over. I make up the ground like an inch for him. I keep moving.

1:18:09 Caller But it's always that, oh, where's the big jugs? Oh, black on black. Oh, what have we got, a little threesome? How's that, how's that dude's got two, ah, ah, ah.

1:18:22 Adam You can't get it out of your head. You can't, you hit your eyes with a seltzer bottle and it wouldn't erase those memories.

1:18:29 Drew It's like kicking a big swig on sour milk.

1:18:31 Caller Yeah, and it's swallowing.

1:18:33 Drew Yeah, expecting.

1:18:34 Adam Yeah, all right, I don't know what's up with Jennifer. I know Drew's got some ideas. Okay, let's try to agree on this. She's a sexual person. I know it sounds like a cop-out, but her motor runs a little faster than most 18-year-olds. Got interested and experimented in whatever early. I don't think she's a lesbian. She just seems sort of fluid with her sexuality, just sort of likes things that feel good. Is probably focusing a little too much, like needs to think a little more about the college and a job and a little less about her parts.

1:19:12 Drew Little more boundaries, little better boundaries.

1:19:15 Adam Yeah, I mean, I think there's a lot of chicks that just sort of get lost in their sexuality and it's like, hey, what's this guy doing for me? What am I doing for myself? What feels good? And it's like, okay, that should be a component, but just a component. I don't know, I wonder if, I mean, it's much easier to do this as an attractive female than it is as an Asian male. You know what I mean? It's like, hey, buddy, get back to the computer room and start focusing. You know what I mean? Chicks and sort of just walk around like, hey, that feels good. Hey, let's do a little three-way kiss. And I love that stuff. It's like, it's always, well, it's for us, but yeah, there was dudes watching and throwing bald up $5 bills at us and stuff. But we did it for us. Same reason we buy the lingerie, for us, so dudes can see it, but for us. For us to feel the way about ourselves when dudes see it. That's what it is. So it's like, Jennifer just seems like her whole life is just sort of wrapped up in her sexuality. And I think society sort of lets cute chicks get away with that. It's like, whoever's sort of like, oh, yeah, more, more.

1:20:19 Drew Yes, and that's maybe doing her a disservice, giving her kind of...

1:20:23 Adam Okay, yeah, we get it. You got a vagina. Now, start doing something else.

1:20:27 Drew And it works.

1:20:27 Adam Yeah, get a boyfriend, get on top of him, have your orgasm and go to college.

1:20:34 Drew And strange enough, in spite of all of her engine running the way it does, she's still apologizing for how she is. Stop apologizing.

1:20:39 Adam Yeah, it's fine.

1:20:40 Drew That's how you are.

1:20:40 Adam You got a little sexual motor running on you.

1:20:42 Drew But the way you like what you like is fine. You don't have to make a guy happy or whatever. He's happy if you're there.

1:20:47 Caller Yeah.

1:20:48 Drew That's it.

1:20:48 Caller Yeah.

1:20:49 Adam You know, Drew's a man of great passion. You're a woman of great passion.

1:20:53 Drew So you got...

1:20:53 Adam Dan?

1:20:54 Caller Yeah. Hey, Drew, I could taste the passion oozing out of you in Good Morning America this morning.

1:21:00 Adam Oh, yeah. Drew was on GMA.

1:21:03 Drew Four in the morning.

1:21:04 Caller You know, I was thinking about movies these days. If you guys go to the screen, you guys should call your film The Passion of the Pinsky, eh?

1:21:11 Drew Yeah.

1:21:12 Caller That's good.

1:21:14 Adam Dan, that's fantastic.

1:21:15 Drew He's very creative.

1:21:16 Adam Very creative.

1:21:17 Drew Yeah, it's four a.m. Dan. I want you to know I feel very, very lively tonight because of that. Four a.

1:21:22 Caller Four a. Oh, but then the problem, of course, would be the news headlines the next day would be Grug Addiction Specialist Stoned to Death by Born Again.

1:21:31 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah, stoned, you get it?

1:21:34 Drew Yeah.

1:21:37 Caller You know, my question was, Adam, you know, what's the best way to break into showbiz? I mean, you got like Loveline, Crank, Anchors, and a man show under your belt. So, you know.

1:21:48 Drew Yeah. I guess if you gotta crawl away, it could be what, the carpet cleaning and the carpentry.

1:21:52 Adam Don't forget Red Handed, too.

1:21:54 Caller Yeah.

1:21:56 Adam See what I tell you about Anderson? Hey, Dan. Yeah. So, what do you want to be, a comedian?

1:22:07 Caller I mean like.

1:22:08 Adam All right, here's the first thing. Stop trying to be funny. That's number one. It just gets on people's nerves. If you're funny, you'll be funny. If you try to be funny, it's just gonna bother people.

1:22:19 Caller Right.

1:22:20 Adam All right. So any comedy club, you wanna do some standup comedy?

1:22:24 Caller Well, sure. I mean, I know there's like, there's the clubs in LA and I'm stuck in Davis.

1:22:31 Adam Is there any clubs in Davis?

1:22:34 Caller No, no, nothing.

1:22:35 Drew How come you didn't send him to improv?

1:22:37 Caller At the improv, well.

1:22:38 Adam They don't have any. They don't have any. What do you got at your school? You got a drama department at your school?

1:22:44 Caller We got drama, but then, you know, it's filled with, you know, snotty seventh graders and eighth graders and ninth graders trying to be, you know, the next Tom Cruise.

1:22:55 Adam You got to get yourself involved with some sort of troupe that does something.

1:23:00 Caller Troupe, okay.

1:23:01 Adam Yeah, I don't even, the problem is he's calling from Davis. I don't even know if they have print there. They have newspapers? Moveable type. Here's the thing. Okay, here's what you gotta do. Here's what I would say. I would say, I don't know if they have a version of sort of the drama log or something, or maybe it's just the back of the local newspaper. There's some section. And look at improv troupes, groups, comedy groups, comedy clubs. You know what I mean? You hook up with a bunch of like-minded people and you put on little skits for each other.

1:23:34 Drew Wouldn't it be good to be in training, too?

1:23:37 Adam Yeah. Get, hang out with the drama nerds in high school. I never personally did that because, you know, think about actors. You know, we hate actors for the most part. They're horrible even at 17. I mean, these guys wearing a beret and turtlenecks walking around my high school in North Hollywood.

1:23:55 Caller You know, the actors.

1:23:56 Adam Oh, boy.

1:23:56 Caller Yeah.

1:23:57 Adam None of them ever made it.

1:23:58 Drew Interestingly.

1:23:59 Adam How do you think I felt about that?

1:24:00 Drew Heartbroken.

1:24:01 Caller Delated. Thank you.

1:24:02 Adam Let's take a little break. A little Germany or Florida when we come back. What else, Drew?

1:24:07 Drew How about Lane 6?

1:24:08 Adam Sabotage, relationship, ah, Virgin. Going to Mexico for a spring break.

1:24:13 Caller Pal's wanting to get laid. All right, all that after this.

1:24:17 Thank you for calling Loveline.

1:24:19 Caller Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

1:24:43 Adam I fell through. I don't know the name of the hotel I'm staying at in New York, so I told them to guess, but there's 70 hotels in Manhattan, and Drew's not struck a chord yet.

1:24:59 Drew The one I stayed at last week, that-

1:25:01 Adam Which one?

1:25:01 Drew Meridian.

1:25:02 Adam Meridian, yeah.

1:25:03 Drew Yeah, it's nice.

1:25:04 Adam Good hotel, yeah.

1:25:05 Drew Yeah, yeah, good location.

1:25:06 Adam Beautiful, buddy.

1:25:07 Caller Yeah.

1:25:07 Adam All right, everybody. So, Loveline, yeah, I go to New York next week. I'm gonna go in and do a stern on Thursday, and called Alec Baldwin, because he's doing a play out there. Yeah, what about this, by the way? Tell me what this is. So, I called his secretary, his assistant, and I said, you know, I want to come out and see Alec's play, can we get a couple of tickets? And they said, yeah, they don't give the, they don't give the cast any tickets.

1:25:38 Drew No house tickets.

1:25:39 Adam Yeah, you gotta buy them. And I believe it, it's just, what's up?

1:25:44 Drew Is it a real small theater? I mean, maybe pure economics, they have to support the thing, they have to sell all the seats over there.

1:25:51 Adam I guess so, if you're Alec Baldwin and you're starring in a Broadway play, seems like they cut you a couple of tickets.

1:25:58 Drew You would think.

1:25:59 Adam You would think. He could probably pick up, get on the horn and figure it out. Then it's like, all right, how much? Hey, like 80 bucks. It's like, I don't even really want to see the play. I just want to go, hey buddy, what's happening? Yeah.

1:26:14 Drew I worked with, last time I was out there working with a guy who originated one of the roles in Mamma Mia. And he said, oh, call us, set you up, no problem.

1:26:20 Adam Oh really? See, Drew's got some juice.

1:26:22 Drew But you know what I mean? That's a bigger production, bigger theater and they seem to have no problem.

1:26:27 Adam Yeah. This is that nutty and haze in it, it's probably one of the serious like avant-garde things that I'm gonna hate. Like I'm corny, like I go to play, just give me a phantom and just have some big sort of thing with smoke blowing around and big organ music and stuff. I don't want, I don't need any statements. I don't want to be entertained. I want to, I want a spectacle. I just want to see stuff flying around.

1:26:54 Drew Why don't you go to Cirque du Soleil or something?

1:26:56 Adam Yeah, that's all I want. I don't like people being smart with words. I got an ass full of that.

1:27:03 Drew Yes?

1:27:04 Adam Using them words. You're 24? You got a Germany or Florida?

1:27:09 Caller I do.

1:27:11 Drew Here we go.

1:27:12 Caller Here you go.

1:27:13 Adam Is it Florida or Germany?

1:27:14 Caller Germany or Florida.

1:27:17 Adam I'm tired tonight. What's up?

1:27:19 Caller Okay, a 63-year-old retired man was convicted of maligning the memory of the dead after he was seen celebrating the death of his gay neighbor by setting off fireworks and singing with extreme joy as the corpse was being carried away in a coffin.

1:27:34 Adam Setting off fireworks?

1:27:38 Drew First of all, multiple things here. The whole idea of desecrating the dead has a little bit of a German feel to it. I don't know of any state in this union where people are carried out of their house in a coffin.

1:27:54 Adam Well, maybe just in a body bag or something. I don't know as a neighbor how you get the heads up. Even if you see the ambulance pull up front, how do you know the neighbor is dead? How do you prepare with the fireworks?

1:28:10 Caller He said that he had a history of fighting with his gay neighbor.

1:28:13 Drew How do you set off fireworks without getting in trouble in this country?

1:28:18 Adam Well, Florida feels like fireworks. Florida feels like gay. Setting them off feels like Germany. The coffin feels like Germany. I'm going Germany.

1:28:26 Drew Germany.

1:28:27 Adam Germany. Germany it is.

1:28:31 Drew We are back.

1:28:32 Adam We're back. What? Are you kidding? We're so far back, we're front. You know what I'm saying, brother?

1:28:39 Drew I hear you.

1:28:40 Adam Let me tell you something. Yeah, we hiccuped a little bit last week. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie to you people. You listen to the show. You've got radios. You've got ears. You've got minds to process the information that's passed from the radio through your ears. Okay, we're not 100%. I never said we were. This is one of my time killing filibustering speeches. I like the guy who said, I never claimed to be perfect. We never said, Drew, did you ever hear me say I was perfect? No, I never said I was perfect. I'm damn good. Damn good. Never perfect. Never perfect. And the thing about it is, is yeah, like any great, like any, any, any great, any great sports figure. Yeah, we stumbled. There was a little, little hitch in our giddy up. But you know what we did? We did what every great one does. We did what the champions do. We got up. We got off the canvas. And we dusted ourselves off. And we went out for the 15th round. And we conquered. You understand? I hear you. A lesser man would have stayed down on that canvas. Lesser man wouldn't have gotten up, would have thrown in the towel. But no, like a champion, we got back to our feet. We dusted ourselves off. And we came back to play Germany or Florida and really prosper. And I think we got to be four out of the last five now, Drew.

1:30:01 Drew And here we go. Time for a break and a little traffic. And what time is it now?

1:30:05 Adam Well, it's 11 51. That's nine minutes away from the top of the hour. That's 12 straight up. Yeah. You ready to go?

1:30:15 There we go.

1:30:15 Adam We got a virgin here.

1:30:17 Derek? Yeah, that's me.

1:30:18 Adam You're 19? I gave myself a little headache with that speed.

1:30:23 Caller I know it was pretty great though. Very inspiring.

1:30:25 Adam Very inspiring though. Yeah.

1:30:26 Drew What's the question?

1:30:27 Caller The question is, I'm 19, I'm a virgin, and for spring break, we're going to Tijuana. And a lot of my friends, they know that I'm a virgin, and they're like, all right, man, we're going to get you un-virginized. You know, we're going to. And I just want to know, do you think that's a good idea? They said whether it's some girl that's there or if it comes down to a hooker.

1:30:48 Adam All right, here's the whole thing. You can have a hard time picking up hotties in TJ, I mean, non-prostitute hotties.

1:30:59 Drew And the price is not a good idea.

1:31:00 Adam The whole part about. Well, Mexican horse, fine.

1:31:03 Caller There's no disease there.

1:31:05 Adam The whole part about the buddies who get obsessed with you losing your virginity, they're more obsessed with letting you know that they are not virgins than they are in you losing your virginity. Yeah, and I love when guys do this. Yeah, here's the deal. If it's if if if your virgin and your buddy isn't, even if he only time he got laid was with one of his friends with sister's fat friends, he's still he's a million miles away. He is a he is a four star general and you're private.

1:31:38 Drew Yes.

1:31:39 Adam You understand he's a genius and the more he can rub that in the better. Now the reality is he doesn't really want you to get laid because then all of a sudden you're both private.

1:31:46 Drew Right. Exactly. Or do both.

1:31:47 Adam No, no, no. You're both private. You don't go to general. He just drops down from general to private.

1:31:52 Drew I'm also kind of interested in the guys and just seeing you loaded and making fun of you.

1:31:56 Adam Yeah.

1:31:56 Drew It really is about humiliating you. Yeah. It's not about you getting her excited.

1:31:59 Caller Yeah.

1:31:59 Adam None of my friends would have actually they would have made fun of me, but they would have never dug in and kicked over the 15 bucks, you know, that it would have taken collectively.

1:32:08 Drew Not unless it had been up on a stage somewhere and really is something that they could take pictures of and bring home to send her to school and stuff.

1:32:14 Caller Yeah.

1:32:15 Adam So, no, you know, head out to Ensenada, by the way, find some chicks camping on the beach. You go Ensenada, you'll start find some chicks. Rosarita, Ensenada, Stainty Wine, just get the whole course. But plenty of good strip joints.

1:32:27 Caller Oh, good times.

1:32:28 Adam Good times. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:32:30 Caller Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me. So what's up?

1:32:37 Caller But I tried everything else and thought, what the hell?

1:32:45 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:33:20 Adam Well, that's it. What day is it, Drew?

1:33:22 Drew It is...

1:33:23 Adam Wednesday.

1:33:24 Drew The 10th to the 11th, yeah.

1:33:26 Adam Yeah, good times. Will Sasso's coming in here from Less Than Perfect, and I'll also remember him from Mad TV.

1:33:32 Caller Very funny, tomorrow night.

1:33:34 Adam So, until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:33:38 Caller In order to reach these kids, Hack will have to become a rapist.

1:33:43 Drew You know, can I be honest with you? I don't find that funny.

1:33:50 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Anne Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, March 10, 2004