Episode 1000599228783

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:00 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:06 Adam You do sound weird, yes, you sound weird.

1:08 Drew I can't hear myself that well.

1:09 Adam Where are we right now?

1:10 Drew Yeah, there we go. I don't know, everything's the same.

1:12 Adam It's good we have two engineers. That way nothing can go wrong.

1:15 Drew Yeah.

1:15 Adam Yeah, it's good.

1:17 Drew Come on, buddy. Listen, they could combine 11.75 an hour, please.

1:24 Adam Hey, thank you for defending them. It's good.

1:26 Drew Let me tell you about radio.

1:27 Adam Anderson, I'm going to take after you guys some more so make Adam defend you.

1:30 Drew At radio, here's what radio is. Couple guys get paid a ton, that's me and you. No one else gets paid anything. The people that don't get paid anything resent the people that get paid a ton, like we should be cutting them in on it, like, hey buddy, you got our money. And then the attitude is like, hey, if it works, it works. But if it doesn't, what are you going to do? You're going to fire me? I'll go to McDonald's. I'll go to Jack in the Box. I'll lose 35 cents an hour starting as a trainee at Jack in the Box. I mean, Chris, you get 10 bucks an hour, right? You get free t-shirts and stickers, but 10 bucks an hour, right, times two hours a night. Then take minus the 10, he owes 80 bucks at the end every month.

2:08 Adam Don't you feel bad for franking on these guys all the time?

2:11 Drew No, no, because I'm keeping it real. Because I'm not kissing the ass of the rich man. I'm beating up on the little guy, keeping it real. Melinda Clarke is here tonight from The OC. Looking good. We had Melinda on our Loveline, the TV show, which we, from time to time, almost on a nightly basis, people point out to us. Oh, no, we did that.

2:36 Adam This last couple of weeks, we got through a run of this.

2:38 Drew Yeah.

2:39 Adam Yeah, we've been down for a long time, but all of a sudden.

2:41 Drew Yeah, now what show, we're trying to figure out what show she was plugging on our TV show, because it's always it's always funny. It's four or five years ago, sometimes more. And there was another another project they were working on. What was it?

2:55 It was 97. And Brookheimer, Jerry Brookheimer did a show called Soldier of Fortune. And it was, you know, we with other cast members. Yeah, it was two other actors, Brad Johnson, Tim Abel and myself. And we were the elite team of operatives.

3:13 Drew And you were.

3:14 I was the chick with the gun.

3:16 Drew And a lot of being dropped in.

3:18 Yeah.

3:18 Drew Behind enemy lines. A lot of repelling.

3:20 Plausible deniability.

3:22 Adam A lot of.

3:23 Drew That speech the colonel gives you before you leave. You understand if anything happens, we'll disavow all.

3:29 Adam You never existed.

3:30 Drew There's never any discussion. Well, hold on. Hold on. Now, let's say one of us gets wounded and gets caught. And the other two you can't find. Are you going to say you know the guy? There's never there's never any residual conversation.

3:45 You're done.

3:47 Drew And we don't we don't know who you are.

3:48 Yep.

3:49 Drew But the point is, is that's you know what? That's like that's like some like a like a cow chip that Melinda ran over many years ago. And now she's in her beautiful Cadillac looking at it in a rear view mirror, laughing, laughing at the repelling line with Bruckheimer at the end of it. Right. Because now you've entered the OC.

4:10 Caller Yes.

4:11 Drew I love this show, by the way.

4:12 Caller Do you? Have you been watching?

4:13 Drew No, not really. I got to be honest with you.

4:17 Caller You know, I've been doing this. I keep asking people.

4:19 Drew But I'll tell you what.

4:21 Adam What we have seen we like.

4:22 Drew The people I like really like it. And that for me is good enough.

4:25 Adam And we met we met a fair number of cast members whom we really like.

4:28 Caller Yeah, you have Peter and Adam Brodeon, which are two greatest. I bet they're great guests.

4:32 Drew Oh my God.

4:33 Caller I'm trying. I called Adam on the way over here. And what? I said, I heard you did Loveline. Yes, I did.

4:41 Drew Was he cool?

4:42 Caller Yeah. He said it was great. He just said that if I didn't speak up, then I would never get a word in.

4:47 Drew Yeah.

4:48 Adam Even if you do speak up.

4:49 Drew Why did you let her finish that thought? You know how we are about that.

4:53 Adam I know. I'm amazed you got it in. What are you talking about? It was impressed.

4:57 Drew That's a slap in the face. I was in kiss ass mode, but now.

5:02 Caller Oh, no. I just repeated what he said.

5:04 No, no, no.

5:05 Drew I'm out of kiss ass mode now. I've already lost it. I'm in neutral. And, you know, we can pop me in the first and get rolling again, or we could grind it in reverse. That will be your decision.

5:15 Caller I can't see you, though.

5:16 Drew Here I am, baby. All right. So, The OC. Fox at nine o'clock. I have seen the show, Wednesday Nights, by the way. I've seen it, and it's almost... You know what it is about The OC? I've not seen too many episodes. I'm glad to know it's out there.

5:32 Adam It's a comfort show for me. It's the next incarnation on the frolicking shows. It's not really frolicking. It's better than frolicking.

5:39 Caller We've had a void for a while. There's been no Dynasty, no JR no Dallas, no 902 and O.

5:45 Drew I like The Melrose Places and the Dynasties. I used to watch those shows.

5:49 Caller You get hooked. They suck you in.

5:51 Drew Well, let me say this...

5:52 Adam Knott's Landing.

5:55 Drew Well, let's just now that we're going off on this tangent very quickly, which is people have gotten snobby over the last few years about their entertainment. They must be uplifted, enlightened, informed, moved. How about just being entertained?

6:10 Caller They have to teach you about the census or something.

6:13 Drew Life's brutal enough. I mean, you want to go see... What movie would you see there? Mystic River? It's a great movie, but go home and turn on the news. Come to this show. You get enough sexual abuse calls. I want something light. I want to see good-looking teenagers fighting. You know what I mean? Over chicks. Amanda? That was a mistake. Let me ask you something, Drew. Melinda, I was thinking about this on the way in. Just free your mind for a second. Just really think about this for a second. Talking about movies, talking about TV for a second. Has a dog ever been wrong in a movie? Now let me set you the scenario. Young, attractive woman gets a new job, brings home a new guy from the office, says he's going to hook up her computer, comes into the apartment, and the dog starts growling. The dog doesn't like him. And she's like, Mitzi, go in the room. He's never done that. And it turns out later, great guy. Never happened.

7:24 Caller Never happened.

7:25 Drew Why can't a dog be wrong?

7:27 Adam The cats can be wrong.

7:29 Drew The cats you don't even ask. But the dog, so you see that in the movie, okay, this guy, now comes the date right. 20 minutes from now, we see the roofie going into the ginger ale. I think it would be nice if a dog was just wrong. Just growled at the wrong dude. The dog was just having a bad day. I know this is cerebral stuff, but really think about it. Has a dog ever been wrong in a movie?

7:57 Caller Toto was right.

7:57 Drew There's been bad dogs, there's been your Cujos, you know, bad dogs, but never wrong. You know what I'm saying? Hey, the dog made the wrong call.

8:07 Turns out he's wrong.

8:08 Adam Turns out he's a nice guy.

8:10 Drew He's a great guy. He just wanted to hook up the Mac and then he was on his way.

8:14 Nothing.

8:15 Drew Not so much as a handshake, did he want. Amanda?

8:19 Yes.

8:21 Drew You're 23?

8:23 Caller Yes.

8:24 Drew What's up?

8:25 Caller Okay, so I play soccer and one thing led to another and I slept with my soccer ref.

8:33 Adam Your soccer ref? We're supposed to skip over the one thing led to another? How did this happen?

8:43 Caller Two weeks ago.

8:46 Adam Why did she say so?

8:47 Drew Drew, you should have asked when it happened and then you would have gotten how it happened. Hey, listen, first off, what did you do? You get spiked in the head, like blocking too many headers?

8:59 Caller What happened?

9:00 Caller I was at a bar and the third bar I was at and he was with a bunch of my soccer friends knew him and one thing led to another and he looked really cute.

9:09 Caller So what?

9:14 Drew But let me ask you this, Amanda, what do you mean you're ref?

9:17 Caller He's a soccer referee, like he calls our games.

9:21 Drew Right, you say you're ref like he does every game that you do? You have the same referee for every game?

9:27 Caller No, like we have one of three. And he does like almost all the home games.

9:34 Drew Really? Got the same guy?

9:35 Caller Yeah, you know like they switch off.

9:39 Adam Not a lot of refs in Chicago.

9:40 Drew Right, hold on a second. Not a lot of straight guys wanting to ref female soccer. How many guys are you going to find? How many straight?

9:49 Adam Diabolical straight guys.

9:50 Drew How low does your ref self-esteem have to be? I'm going to the girls soccer.

9:55 Adam Think about where this guy is getting though, Adam.

9:57 Drew Actually, that's smart.

9:59 Adam Diabolical.

10:00 Drew Wow.

10:01 Caller It's like acting class.

10:03 Drew Yeah, it's like dance class. That's smart.

10:09 Adam See, Mr. Wise Guy.

10:10 Caller How old is he?

10:11 Drew Oh, 38, I think it says. Amanda? 38?

10:17 Caller 38. I didn't know that until after.

10:21 Drew Well, you know, he's in good shape. The stripes are slimming. All right. So, look, you made a little mistake.

10:29 Caller Right. But this is the thing that scares me. So this happens one week. The next week I go to the bars, whatever, and he's there again. I get drunk, whatever, and I'm like, you want to come back to my place? And I was on the phone with him using a cab because he was going to like the fourth bar and after the third bar, I was like, I'm going home. I'm drunk. So I call him. He's in the cab. And I'm just like, do you want to come back to my place? He's like, you know what? I would love to. But I can't tonight. And I'm like, why? And he goes, I can tomorrow. I'm like, why can't you come tonight? You know? And he's like, well, it's too personal for me to tell you right now because I don't want anyone else in the cab to hear. He goes, but I'll tell you tomorrow. So and so I call him.

11:14 Drew Is this story happening in real time?

11:17 Adam Like, it seems like it's like an OC episode. Yeah.

11:20 Drew What's up?

11:23 Caller He doesn't answer. And it's like, hey, you know, like what's going on? I'm like, hey, just give me a call. Whatever. I see him at my soccer game. He like, he like looks at me and he's like, hey, how are you doing? Whatever. I call him like five days later.

11:38 Drew I'm going to go number two.

11:39 Adam Whatever.

11:40 Caller You won't answer me. And then I see him out in the bars. He like ignores me. I'm like, OK, like, does he have an STD?

11:49 Drew All right. Yeah. That's what guys do. Well, first off, he's 38 year old guy. He's he's reffing a chick junior soccer on the weekends. He's a loser.

12:02 Caller It's college.

12:03 Drew College. What kind of college could you go to?

12:10 Adam A B2?

12:11 Caller Yeah, Division 2.

12:13 Adam D2.

12:13 Drew Really?

12:14 Caller Yeah.

12:15 Drew It's not junior college?

12:18 Adam Loyola, where you go?

12:20 Caller I can't tell you that.

12:24 Caller So the problem is he's ignoring you?

12:27 Caller No. The problem is I want to know what's wrong with him.

12:34 Adam Nothing's wrong with him.

12:35 Drew Go get yourself checked out.

12:36 Adam All that stuff in the cab, all that stuff was BS. It was total BS.

12:40 Drew He was banging your goalie.

12:41 Adam Yes. Absolutely. And I think you need to look into your alcohol relationship. And the relationships that develop while you're under the influence of alcohol.

12:52 Drew I know that jock chicks are stupid too. It's not just that stereotype that a 300 pound black guy reads at the fifth grade level. So I know the chicks are dumb too. No one really thinks about that.

13:03 Adam Don't single out certain races that are dumb.

13:05 Drew Well, I said the stereotype.

13:07 Adam The white guy is more the stereotype.

13:10 Drew But, are you kidding? How dare you attack us? The stereotype is the black guy who can barely string together a sentence and they push him all the way through and he goes to the NFL. That's a stereotype. Please. What do you think? It's the baseball players?

13:27 Adam It's the white guys.

13:29 Drew Yeah, it's the scrappy six foot forwards who end up in the NBA.

13:34 Adam It's the guys who play third base.

13:36 Drew Oh, look, those guys are meatheads, but the stereotypes are outplayed.

13:39 Adam Shut up, Drew.

13:41 Drew You know what? When you overcompensate that way, it's worse than what my race is. Please.

13:47 Adam Tori19. Hello.

13:49 Drew What's happening?

13:54 Adam Fascinating.

13:54 Drew We're talking about that last night, actually.

13:57 I know. You guys find it fascinating. I find it a little weird.

14:00 Drew Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy. All right.

14:04 And I was just wondering, is it going to stay the same or?

14:08 Adam Yes.

14:09 Right? Like, it gets hard when I get cold.

14:12 Drew Really?

14:12 It does.

14:14 Drew It's hooked up. Because aren't most third nipples like...

14:19 Adam They're not developed enough. They're like a mold.

14:20 Drew Yeah. You go to the Ikea and you go look at some kitchen cabinets and there's a microwave and you walk up to it and it's Styrofoam. That's not plugged in. That's the way the third...

14:31 Adam Supernumerary nipples are.

14:33 Drew The third nipples like it's the Styrofoam microwave or the computer at the computer desk in the office set at the Ikea. It's like it looks good but then you grab it and there's no... It's not even plugged in. That's what it is.

14:44 Adam Yes. Supernumerary nipples are just like the molds.

14:46 Caller Do I say that again?

14:47 Drew Supernumerary nipples.

14:48 Caller I like that.

14:51 Adam Be that as it may, they are sometimes more developed than others and they can sometimes get hard and they can sometimes lactate.

14:58 Caller Really? Yeah. So there's.

15:00 Adam As I said there.

15:01 Caller I've seen it on men more often. Just because they're naked on the beach, I guess.

15:05 Adam Yeah, probably.

15:06 Drew Oh, really?

15:07 I don't know statistically.

15:10 Drew I'm the missing that. You know, because I look a man in the eye when I speak. I'm not checking out his chest. I look a man. I look a fellow right in the eye.

15:17 Caller What if he had a third nipple?

15:19 Drew I would probably. What are you saying? Supernumerary. I would probably notice it. But, well, first off, I got hair on my chest. I would comb. I would do like a nipple comb over. I would like.

15:30 Of course. Style my hair over a nipple.

15:32 Drew Pat it down a little.

15:33 Adam Be serious. Of course.

15:36 Drew I would knock it down.

15:36 Adam You know, that shoe polish they used to have you put on your top cover. Top coverage.

15:39 Drew Yeah. I would spray some of that on my supernumerary nipple. And I could do like a chest comb over.

15:44 Adam Yeah.

15:44 Drew But if it's hooked up. First off, wouldn't you get it removed or shouldn't you get it removed?

15:50 Adam I think it's a fairly involved little operation if you have that kind of.

15:54 Drew If it's plumb.

15:55 Adam Yeah. If it's.

15:55 Caller It can have ducts attached to it and everything.

16:00 Adam It's really interesting. I have not, I do not know any data on, but I wonder what the incidence of breast cancer is in those. Isn't that interesting?

16:07 Caller What a plumber. Or if you could breastfeed three.

16:09 Adam No, I don't think so.

16:11 Drew What line was she on, Drew? Tori?

16:15 Caller Yeah.

16:17 Drew So, have you ever consulted with anyone about getting it removed?

16:21 Caller No.

16:22 Adam How dare you?

16:23 Drew That's a crazy question.

16:25 Caller In the past year, I just found out that it was a third nipple. My mom kind of just said, oh, you've had that since you were a baby.

16:32 Drew Thanks for the heads up, ma.

16:36 Adam You thought it was a bruise?

16:38 Caller Yeah, because it's about the size of the tip of my thumb. And it's the same color.

16:42 Adam You play soccer?

16:44 Caller And it's the same color as my nipple, but I never noticed until I really looked at it that when I get cold, it's like a goose bump and it gets hard.

16:52 Drew I know. But what about the fact that you've had a bruise for 19 years that's never healed?

16:57 Adam You're back to primitive man again.

16:58 Drew Does it alarm you at all?

17:00 Caller Well, I don't know. I just kind of noticed it when I finally started looking at myself in the mirror.

17:06 Drew All right. Listen, it must be nice. It just kind of curves through life. What? What? Middle East?

17:13 What? What's going on over there?

17:15 Adam Who?

17:15 Carbond.

17:17 Adam World Trade.

17:19 Drew We're going to visit the Trade Center. We're going out to New York. What happened?

17:23 Adam It's even more interesting. The other thing is she makes meaning out of it based on things that she can't understand. Well, it's just a big goose bump.

17:30 It's like a goose.

17:31 Adam What? It's a big deal. It's like she incorporates it into her thinking.

17:36 Drew Well, it's obviously hereditary because mom has been aware of this for 19 years and only yesterday had the sit down with the daughter.

17:45 Adam I'm not even sure of the sit down. It was just sort of a, hey, a little by the way.

17:49 Drew Probably posted on the fridge. Yo, TryNip. Speaking of TryNip, we're having tri-tip tonight. Yeah, you got to tell your kids about this. You got, you got weird stuff. You got to say something, right? I mean, here's the thing. I don't, Melinda, do you have any kids?

18:06 Caller I have a four year old daughter.

18:07 Drew All right. You give her a good looking over. And then you see, you know, any horns, any scales, any webs, a six toe.

18:15 Caller I notice every new freckle.

18:17 Drew New freckles.

18:18 Caller Like cancer.

18:19 Drew Document. You know, you, you, you get that, all that stuff logged. And then, you know, when the kid, when the time is right, you know, you start, you start talking turkey with him.

18:28 Adam You'll do that automatically. But not Tori's mom. Hmm. Tri-tip, tri-tip. Oh, wait a minute. That's right. I meant to talk to Tori 19 years ago.

18:37 Caller There's a lot of ignorance.

18:38 Drew Justin? Maybe, maybe it's a mix up with the husband. You told Tori, fifth birthday, right about the third. No, I thought you said, no, I was, I was putting the pinata up. You said you were. Oh, Christ. I mean, it's been. Oh, this is embarrassing. All right.

18:54 Adam Well, how do you do it?

18:55 Drew Let's talk to Justin. Justin. Nineteen.

19:01 Caller Seventeen.

19:02 Drew Oh, yeah. It said that. What's up?

19:05 Caller Hey, not much. First off, I wanted to let you guys know that you guys are the best. Thanks. I have some questions for Dr. Drew. I wonder if it's OK to drink alcohol while you're on Accutane.

19:20 Adam You can have some alcohol in Accutane. Well, first of all, you're 17. So I can't tell you to have any alcohol. But be that as it may, people can have a glass of wine, the wheat kind of thing on Accutane without any concern. But it is a little tough on the liver, and Accutane is tough on your body in general. It's also tough on your... I have lingering concerns about Accutane's effect on the central nervous system, the brain. And that, combined with alcohol, to my estimation, has really unknown effects at this time. So there are concerns about it.

19:49 Caller Are there concerns with young men and depression?

19:52 Adam The suicide? Yeah, absolutely. The suicide. But it just, it affects people profoundly in their central nervous system. And that's not all been well studied yet. So I worry, certainly to the point, it's not, definitely you shouldn't be consuming alcohol to the point of intoxication.

20:08 Caller Okay, well, I can feel it in the back of my box and everything, not to take a bit of, you know...

20:12 Caller It's a very toxic...

20:13 Adam It's a very rough, it's a tough medicine.

20:16 Drew Hey, how about a little heads up with the, you know, there's that always, there's the don't booze with the medication. We talk about this all the time. Some of them are don't booze because it'll supersize whatever the medication is, like if you're mildly jacked up, you will be majorly effed up. To me, that's something I... A, that's a trail I like to go down, and then B, that's my business. I like to be effed up. You know, that's for me. But then there's some that'll destroy your liver, and they don't really... They don't distinguish between the two. This is like, hey, don't drink. And, like, I want the, hey, don't drink, because you're going to be super jacked up. Let's just have one... One have a picture of a liver with, like, a fist going into it.

20:57 Adam No, like an M-80. Fuse going down.

21:01 Drew Shhh. Yeah, I'm trying to think, though, that the fuse going in the liver is going to be tough to read. It's going to be tough to read. It's not going to read right. How about just, you know, being stabbed with a crocheting needle or something? You know, just pierced.

21:12 Caller Does alcohol weaken antibiotics, things like that?

21:17 Adam No. But it also, many of them are metabolized by the liver. And again, you're putting a stress on that system.

21:22 Caller Same thing.

21:23 Drew And the other one should just be the, you know, the lampshade with the zoops coming off the guy's head just like holding the drinks, his arm around a couple of ladies. That means, hey, if you want it, you know, hey, if you're man enough, you know what I mean? Like, if you're heavyweight, drink up.

21:43 Adam No, it should be, don't blame us.

21:45 Drew Yeah, yeah, like, yeah. You know, I always, you know, I think about this. I've said to Drew, I want the heavyweight designation on my license. I don't want.08, not, not high enough for me. I drink, you know, I, I, you know what I can do? I can maintain. Drew, back me up. I maintain. Yes. You know, I mean, my mom has a thimble of Nyquil. She'd be all over the road. Yeah, she got behind them. My mom could barely drive as it is. She had if I drank a cap of Nyquil and farted on her, she would be all over the road, all over the road. I, I, couple of Vicodin, couple of Hynies, no problem. Still much better driver than my mom. But yet, but technically, I'm point, you know, I'm over the legal limit she's under.

22:35 Adam Given that she drives the Squareback VW and you the seventy thousand sports car.

22:39 Drew Yes, literally millionaire.

22:43 Adam There should be no difference between you guys.

22:46 Drew Now he's trying to get me going. I said the other night. But the point is, why not? Why not the heavy weight designation?

22:53 Caller A special test?

22:54 Adam Yeah, well, a special note, a flag on his car.

22:58 Drew Melinda's right.

22:59 Caller But how do you show them that you can do a special test?

23:03 Drew You put the cones up. You do it, you know, you get to eight shots and you're still but you're still able to back in. This is probably more stunt driving, pulling e-brakes in the rain, getting it, getting a spin and stuff like that.

23:15 You know what I mean?

23:17 Drew Yeah, I'm just I'm fine. Drew, you've seen me on the airplanes.

23:21 Adam Yeah, right. And your point.

23:24 Drew A couple of high balls, a couple of downers. Yeah, walking up and down the aisles, holding court.

23:31 Adam The problem is, you're going to want to talk about your mom, your grandma.

23:35 Drew Listen, that's the problem. The reason Alec Baldwin is on this show a year ago is because I talked that guy's ear off in the galley of like 747. Man, I hadn't slept. I had like five boozes. I had a bunch of like a night owl and Vicodin and stuff. And I was buff, just fine. I was the belle of the ball. All right, Drew, let's just focus on that, would you? And let's get the labeling changed.

23:58 Adam I know he got through his recent custody hearings. It was nothing compared to what he put up with on the plane anyway. Thank you for that.

24:03 Drew He's a big fan.

24:04 Caller I'd actually want to take a ride with you on a plane.

24:07 Adam Oh my God.

24:09 Caller Oh, I love, I love entertaining people on planes.

24:11 Adam Here's the entertainment. He will talk so incessantly that you'll find yourself looking forward, thinking just, you know, about imagining yourself jumping out of the plane and things. And then all of a sudden there'll be silence. And you'll look over and he'll be wearing the lovey eye shades with his feet up with the cue sign. It's instant.

24:29 Drew How dare you? First off, Drew has the nerve to take his Scantron board test while he sits next to me on the airplane. So you know how annoying it is to have a guy, you're getting drunk, you're complaining about the service. You want another thing of mixed nuts. And he's feverishly wearing out a number two pencil trying to get his Scantron sheets filled out because he's taking his boards. There's nothing worse than seeing somebody get something done when you're getting drunk. You know, you feel like an asshole.

24:58 Caller I've been there.

24:59 Drew I don't need that. You know, if I'm getting drunk, I want either you getting drunk or you doing nothing.

25:05 Adam You're right. You should want to play with him.

25:06 Drew I don't want you taking your boards while I'm getting loaded. I'm starting to feel bad about myself. Melinda, I'll tell you what we might do.

25:14 Caller Where are we going?

25:15 Drew We might go to Frisco this weekend.

25:17 Adam Really?

25:19 Drew We'll grab lunch. We'll go up to Coyote Town.

25:21 Caller How much can you get done in an hour?

25:23 Adam Oh, you'll want to jump off the plane.

25:27 Drew There's there, there's back.

25:29 Caller I mean, there's the whole pretty woman treatment.

25:33 Drew Believe me, you could do worse. Melinda Clarke is here tonight from the OC. That's how she does things in the OC. We'll take a quick break and we'll be right back after this.

26:01 Hey, everybody, it's Loveline.

26:09 Drew All right, that's better. Well, here's the thing, if I turn my headphones up enough for me to hear me, the music gets really loud.

26:16 Adam I hear you pretty well.

26:18 Drew Ah, listen, we got another show to do tomorrow. No big deal.

26:22 Adam Yeah.

26:23 Drew Melinda Clarke, although every show is special, they're like my kids, all of 5,000 of them, or however many we've done.

26:30 Adam I don't want to think about that.

26:32 Drew Yeah, well, think about how many shows you may have done, Drew.

26:35 Adam No.

26:35 Drew All right, how many shows do we do a year? 250? Well, no, you do like 65. You're always chasing a nickel around the country, shilling stuff for Trojan condoms. I'm here holding down the fort. So I do about 250, and we'll figure it out. Let's figure out how many shows. Not now, we'll do it off the air.

26:54 Adam Easily 250, more like 270.

26:56 All right.

26:56 Adam 270 times 10, let's say.

26:59 Drew All right, it's 2,700. Is that what that is?

27:02 Yeah.

27:03 Drew All right. So I got about 2,500 under my belt. True, you may have 5,000. Good times. Melinda Clarke is here tonight. She's from the OC.

27:16 Caller The mom.

27:17 Drew And that is-

27:19 Caller That's basically what most people call me. You're the mom.

27:23 Drew You're hot mom though.

27:27 Caller We tried to use the word MILF on the show and Fox didn't let us say it.

27:31 Drew Really?

27:32 Caller Uh-huh. And this is all after Janet, so.

27:35 Drew Oh really? Yeah.

27:37 Caller Well they actually, the story I heard was that they got it in the script, it was written, and the network approves that, but then when the show is actually shot and the young boy I'm having the affair with, the 17 year old, calls me a MILF, but they did it, they screened it, screened the show, and the standards and practices gentlemen weren't quite sure, so they had to go find out what that meant, and. Yes you do.

28:05 Adam No I don't.

28:07 Drew It means.

28:07 Caller Mother I'd like to fool around with.

28:09 Adam Ah, ah, ah, ah, I didn't know that.

28:12 Caller But they said, they told the producer he couldn't have it in the show, and he said, well what do you think it means? The standards guy. He said, mother I'd like to fool around with, mother I'd like to fondle, and he said, well our research shows that it means mother I'd like to. He said research, he said, well we did a focus group and 90% of the people knew. So, and they decided that was a little too much for the teen drama, so.

28:36 Drew Oh, it's such a wonderful world. You know what I was thinking I'd like to do, you know what we should all do, because, you know, we're getting an ass full over here, and of course there's, you know, Howard Stern, the poor guy's depressed, Jimmy Kimmel, everyone, all the guys I know are, they're all falling apart because of this. Yeah, I don't seem to care, but that's just because I'm stupid, not really because it wouldn't affect me, it's just because I don't, I'm an atheist who really doesn't, you know, people I want to know about the passion of the Christ, you know, the Middle East, and Palestine, and Israel, and I'm an atheist. You guys are just a bunch of retards, I don't even know how this works. Someone explain to me how all this retardism works, and all this bizarre ritual, and how you can say boo, but you can't say, someone explain that to me. I don't know how it works. Who cares? It doesn't matter.

29:32 Look, I don't care.

29:34 Drew I'm an atheist. I don't know how any of this works. It's just a bunch of idiots making arbitrary decisions. If I get fired, I'll go back to carpentry. I don't care. But we should all we should all, you know, we all. Oh, Janet Jackson is a good prison style, caught beating. And here's how this works.

29:54 Adam I wasn't really.

29:54 Drew Yeah. A hot, hot. Where where it's like middle of the night. Janet's asleep, you know, all of a sudden they take.

30:02 Adam We just jump for that.

30:03 Drew No, not a lead pipe. This is it's just yeah, it's a pillowcase filled with soap, maybe like doorknobs or something like that. Whatever. And we just, you know, she's she's lying there in her top bunk. Drew, you come around her with a towel, pull it over her mouth real tight. Oh, oh, oh, Melinda grabs her hands and it's like, well, just say Howard Stern takes a crack. I take a crack. Bubba the love sponge starts going nuts on her with the thing. Like everyone just starts beating the crap out of her.

30:31 Adam It's because those two took the law in their own hands.

30:33 Caller And they picked the wrong venue to do it.

30:35 Adam I mean, two brain cells.

30:39 Drew That's where my prison style sack beating comes in.

30:43 Caller I wasn't insulted by it, but it was the wrong. I was more insulted by the dance.

30:49 Adam But it was broadcast television, not cable broadcast. Therefore controlled by the FCC, specific laws that we all know and must comply with. We don't take into our own hands. We're the good guys. These guys just take stuff in their own hands.

31:04 Drew Here's the thing. I don't really pass moral judgment on it, but it's just this sort of Madonna making out with Brittany and this kind of stuff. It's like, look, if you can do something clever enough or you can do something talented enough, fine, you should go on record. I mean, you should be you should get notoriety for that. You just doing shocking stuff is just sort of like the whole Brittany Madonna thing. It's like, you know, after six months of people talking about it's like these two whores. I know when I say whores, I don't mean prostitute whores, I mean media whores, you know, they've done exactly what what everyone wants to do. Who cares? These two skanks want to put their tongues in each other's mouth like they enjoyed it. You know what I mean? Like that is I'm insulted by the act, not the sexual act, but just the fact that Madonna, Britney, you guys, not enough money, not not a bright enough light on you. What's going on? Yeah, I don't know.

32:02 Caller That's right. I got everything.

32:03 Drew Yeah, I just didn't like the part where we feel like we got a shot. Look, here's the deal. You're a singer. Sing well, dance well, entertain and we'll all applaud and we can move on with our lives.

32:13 Adam That's right.

32:13 Drew We don't have to talk about you for another six months. Just do a good job. And that's it. We'll talk about you. Oh, you know, it's like, listen, when Whitney Houston's sung the old Whitney Houston's thing, the Super Bowl, you know, with the Jets flying over and the old, she did the national anthem. She blew the roof off the place. No, I mean, this is five years ago. Come on, Drew. When Whitney Houston sung it, this before she was the same. The point is, she was amazing and people still talk about it because she was amazing. She didn't have to pull a boob. She just did an amazing job.

32:49 Caller Somebody actually said to me that they'd like to know who the designer was because not only did it malfunction incorrectly, but that they heard that both were supposed to come off and that was truly a wardrobe malfunction.

32:59 Adam Oh, really?

32:59 Drew Both supposed to come off.

33:01 Adam That's interesting. I could be wrong, but that would make sense because they definitely were not surprised by the outcome.

33:08 Caller Yeah.

33:08 Adam There's absolutely no doubt no one was surprised by what went down.

33:11 Drew Jade? You're 21? What's up?

33:16 Caller Well, I'm seeing this guy, he's 35, and I recently moved in with him early this January and he won't sleep with me.

33:27 Adam So Jade sounds 8.

33:28 Drew I'm about ready to do some gambling.

33:30 Adam Yeah, Jade sounds 8. She sounds 8.

33:31 Drew What happened? All right. What happened at 7 or 8?

33:35 Caller What happened at 7 or 8?

33:38 Adam To you, yeah. Yeah.

33:39 Drew Your dad died, you get molested.

33:47 Adam No, nothing at all.

33:48 Drew That's why.

33:49 Adam Yeah. We couldn't tell immediately just by talking to you for four seconds.

33:53 Drew No. No. Because, I mean, we could see right here on the screen, it says lives with 35-year-old musician boyfriend, only had sex with him once in three months. We could see you were molested.

34:05 Adam Yeah, of course.

34:06 Drew All right. So what happened? How old were you when you got molested?

34:09 Adam When it started.

34:10 Caller It was, you know, I really don't know how young I was when it started. It was just kind of this ever since I can remember kind of thing.

34:18 Adam We definitely hear it in your voice. Your voice sounds like a child's voice.

34:22 Caller It doesn't sound like, it doesn't sound like four.

34:25 Adam No, it doesn't sound like four. It sounds like seven. And I agree with you, seven, eight is what I said. And six to eight is the right.

34:31 Caller All right.

34:32 Drew How about six to eight? Who molested you? Your dad?

34:35 Caller No, not my dad. It was actually like cousins and uncles.

34:40 Adam You can't remember when it started?

34:43 Caller No.

34:45 Drew I mean, were you a baby? Were you a baby?

34:47 Caller I don't know. Honestly, I really, I try to remember how long ago maybe it might have started and I really can't.

34:56 Adam All right. Well, be that as it may, we find on this show is that we can tell at what age somebody's abuse began based on-

35:03 Drew We'll go with about six or seven.

35:04 Adam Six or seven in your case. That's right.

35:06 Drew Because your voice gets locked into the age-

35:09 Adam Yeah, for whatever reason it stops developing. You can hear it, can't you?

35:13 Caller Absolutely.

35:15 Adam And so now you will choose exploitative abusive partners because you're sort of locked into that frozen hold. So here we go.

35:25 Drew But this guy's 35 and he's doing nothing. You know what I mean?

35:31 Adam Yeah, but there's more to be revealed, I'm sure.

35:33 Drew Really?

35:34 Adam What's your question about your boyfriend?

35:36 Caller Well, I don't know how to go about getting him to sleep with me. I've tried pretty much everything. I've tried jumping on top of him. I've watched two full blown pornos right in front of him.

35:46 Adam What did it used to be like?

35:48 Drew Two of them.

35:49 Caller Yeah, I went through two of them, one right after the other one and got nothing.

35:54 Adam What did it used to be like before it cooled down?

35:56 Drew It never cooled down.

36:06 Adam Why are you with this guy?

36:13 Drew You're living with the guy? All right. Well, you got bigger fish to fry than this guy. Okay, a couple of things. This guy could be a drug addict or something. I think he's in heroin. If he's in heroin, he just loses sort of the will to do anything.

36:27 Adam Or Vicodin or Oxycontin or something. Well, that can mess with your ability to have an erection and be sexually active. And what are the drugs he's taking besides pot? Vicodin?

36:54 Drew No, not really. It's like you're a 911 operator. Daddy's not moving. Honey needs you to go over to daddy and listen to see if air is coming out.

37:06 Adam Well, the pills he's taking is probably completely extinguishing it.

37:11 Drew Also, this probably isn't the case with this guy, but chicks like this can be freaked out. Guys can be freaked out.

37:21 Adam I know, but there's sexual addicts we'll get with guys that they sometimes freak out.

37:27 Drew Well, maybe that's...

37:28 Adam No, no, because they've never had... No, no, because that guy... How dare you? Listen, listen, you're always right. Thank you. That guy would go with it for a few weeks. Adam?

37:38 Drew Yeah?

37:38 Adam That guy would go with it for a few weeks and then go, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought you were just into me. Then he gets freaked out.

37:44 Drew Hey, Jade?

37:44 Adam Yeah.

37:45 Drew Yeah, how about you get some therapy for this horrible abuse you've been through? I don't care about that situation.

37:56 Adam It will change your willingness to tolerate your boyfriend's continued addiction. This is not about him not having sex.

38:04 Drew If you're molested by your uncles and your cousins and God knows who else in your family, you got to get therapy, Jade.

38:12 Adam But that let's keep her motivated and what's motivating her right now. Your boyfriend's addiction is preventing him from being close and sexually active with you. If you want to have a real relationship, you're going to have to do some work. And so is he.

38:26 Caller What does he have to say about all this? Does he respond?

38:29 Drew No. But it's like, you know, it's like pippy long stocking asking you questions. Honey, lick your novelty size lollipop and get out of the way. Daddy's watching TV. What does he say?

38:46 Caller I've, you know, tried being, I wouldn't say aggressive, but I tried greening up the point that, you know.

38:57 Drew He's high. You're a mess. Hey, I'm sorry you were abused, but now you really got to take care of yourself. I got something to say about this, you know, we always talk about, Drew and I marvel at at how unsophisticated society is psychologically, how this stuff, this molestation, it's neither here nor there. You pick yourself up by your bootstraps, you get going on your life, you know, nothing has anything to do with anything. Once in a while, some fat blowhard like Dr. Phil will spit out some platitudes like, hey, you best medicine is the medicine you take. And he sells a billion books, no one wants to do the work of therapy. But you know, I had my nephew this week and he's walking around the house I'm working on and one of the guys who works over there smokes and he throws a cigarette butt. The beauty of working and being a carpenter and smoking is you flick butts like onto the roof, into the gasoline cans, into the salt build piles, smoke it's great, you get to smoke on the job and throw butts everywhere, he just throws them everywhere. And whenever you like pick them up and he's like, who's smoking? Somebody's smoking, it's one of the guys, he smokes? Which one? Is it the guy with the, I don't know, he smokes, oh he got to stop. And I realized the kid's brain is brainwashed with the smoking, he's like crazed with the, he brought it up like eight times all night. Is he the one who smokes? Is he the one? And I felt like going, we've done a wonderful job teaching kids that smoke, yeah, here's the thing, you smoke, honey, if you started smoking tomorrow, you'd only live another 60 years, okay? Meanwhile, they know nothing, the kid will kill himself because he's depressed when he's 23. You know, we don't get into that at all, it's not, we brainwash the F out of everybody with all this smoking and all this other crap that somehow someone decided was monumentally important, but we never talk about, what about psychology, what about people's general mental health? It's some kind of taboo science that no one wants to touch?

41:04 Adam God bless you.

41:04 Drew Thank you, God damn it. All right, I'm getting some coffee, maybe I'll blow a butt, do some heroin, all right? All right, Melinda Clarke is here, she's from the OC. I'm going to show her how we do things in the, where are we, Drew?

41:17 Adam The CC.

41:18 Drew The CC. Culver City. Oh, if they had a drama about Culver City, you know what it would be? Just a family sitting in a car waiting in a red arrow.

41:27 Adam To turn left, yeah.

41:28 Drew Turn on the street with no cars coming, just sitting there in a red arrow waiting to get carjacked. That's what it would be about. All right, we'll take a break right back.

41:38 Loveline, we'll be right back.

42:02 Drew Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Melinda Clarke is our guest tonight from The OC.

42:14 Caller Thank you.

42:16 Drew Nine o'clock, Fox, Wednesday nights. New season, no, not new season.

42:20 Caller No, we're preempted for three weeks.

42:22 Drew What the hell?

42:23 Caller Until, I know, I think it's very annoying for everybody, but March 24th. We're writing, you know, American idols.

42:31 Adam Of course.

42:32 Caller So it has a lot to do, I think, with that, but.

42:34 Drew We've talked about this on the air more than once. I, the American idol phenomenon, I understand once they narrow it down to about four or five people that you can sort of, well, you hang your hat on one of the candidates. But for the first nine weeks when they just sort of sit there at a folding table, drinking a Pepsi, watching Hacks, trying to sing, people listen, like to watch for the Hacks.

43:01 Adam The worst, the better, as far as they're concerned.

43:02 Caller They're doing specials on Justin.

43:05 Drew After five episodes of, of what's her name? Just looking down and trying to, I don't know. Is it really? All right. Anyway, that's just me. I understand at the end, it's good. You're pulling, you're pulling for somebody. The first three quarters of it.

43:23 Caller It's kind of interesting in the beginning and the end. The middle is a little bit.

43:26 Drew Yeah.

43:27 Caller Okay.

43:28 Drew Simon, a genius. Simon, the guy is hilarious. The way he's rude to people. He's true.

43:33 Caller He's right though.

43:36 Drew I know. I know. Jason, you're 18.

43:40 Caller I was wondering about tattoos. I wanted to get one. I was wondering about diseases and stuff like that, and also about lasering it off. Because I'm doing this for my mom.

43:50 Adam Well, you got to make sure that they open a sterile package when they're going to do your tattoo.

43:54 Drew You're calling for your mom or you're getting a tat of your mom?

43:57 Caller She doesn't want me to get a tattoo, and I'm trying to get her to tell her that it's safe, but she's worried about hepatitis and stuff like that.

44:03 Adam As long as they open up against sterile equipment and most reputable places will do that.

44:07 Drew Open up against?

44:08 Adam They will open up a package with sterile equipment in it.

44:13 Caller What about lasering? Is that safe?

44:15 Adam Lasering is completely safe. It's terribly expensive, but it's quite safe.

44:19 Drew Talking about lasering, before you get the tat, it's like the prenup before a mirror and say, hey baby, we're in love. I've got some paperwork I'd like you to look over. I mean, in case the wheels come off the wagon.

44:30 Adam I mean, after all.

44:30 Drew You know, you got to be covered.

44:32 Caller You always get prenups.

44:33 Drew Yeah, you get prenups and you got to get lasers in case you change your mind with the tat.

44:38 Adam Well, I'm glad to hear you're against prenups.

44:41 Drew Here's the- I didn't know you were. Yeah, I'm not that into it. No, I mean, who the hell knows? I don't do prenups.

44:48 Adam You don't know, but that's what you make a commitment because you're making a commitment. If you can't live up to that, then there's a price to be paid.

44:54 Caller Yeah, you can't go into it with an out.

44:55 Drew Yeah, I- Well, what? Well, I'll tell you my- My feeling with the prenup is I feel like I know the person I'm gonna marry. And if something horrible happens down the road, I feel like we can have, we can discuss how it's gonna work.

45:10 Adam And by the way, if something horrible happens, you wanna go into something that you co-created and so if it breaks apart, you split it. You split it up.

45:19 Drew Not in my case, it's mine.

45:20 Adam It's all yours. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

45:21 Drew Co-created. Are you high?

45:23 Adam Wait till you have kids. Just wait till you have kids. Will you have a kid for God's sakes?

45:26 Drew Why don't you turn into Thurston Howell? All right, listen. Jason, what are you gonna get? First off, your mom's just saying this crap because she doesn't want you to get the tattoo. She's talking about hepatitis and whatnot because she's trying to talk the lot of it.

45:39 Caller Just to scare you out of it. I was just gonna get like my last name or something on my chest or something on my back.

45:47 Drew Good, that's right. Paramedics, it's gonna help the paramedics cause I know you don't care.

45:51 Adam Yeah, you wouldn't want to get something on your ankle. You're gonna cross your chest and across your body.

45:54 Caller It's like a dog peg.

45:55 Drew All right, you do that. You tell your mom, next time she gives you a hard time, just go, look baby, nature or nurture.

46:02 Caller Either way.

46:04 Drew Either way, you asked me up. Bad jeans, bad rearing? Maybe both. I don't know, but take a good look in the mirror.

46:12 Adam All right, here's a question about trucker hats. Do you like trucker hats, yes or no?

46:17 Caller I think they're passe.

46:18 Drew We're up here. Trucker hats. Julian? Are the trucker hats, oh, the ones that are- The mesh in front. Yeah, okay. Oh, there's the mesh ones and there's the ones that- I don't like anything that's worn out intentionally. You know, that's weird. Like the guys get the hats and they bend the bill and then they wear out the edge.

46:38 Caller You get the little salt stain up here.

46:40 Drew Well, that's- Wait a minute.

46:41 Caller That's horrible.

46:42 Drew That's me. Well, I work in a hat, you know? I mean, I wear my hats out. So, I don't know. What, do you pay somebody to ruin your hat? Like some Guatemalan kid. Where? It just toils in a field with your hat for six months and he gives it back to you? All right, just get the new stuff. That's all I'm saying. All right, well, but start wearing a hat because if you go bald later, it won't be like Ron Howard. Hey, he's wearing it. You just take him with a hat. Yeah, you see picture me. You see me with a hat, right?

47:07 Adam No matter what.

47:08 Drew I got my hair, but later when it falls out, I got the hat.

47:10 Adam There you go.

47:11 Drew Yeah, Melinda Clarke tonight from the OC. We'll take a quick break. Be right back.

47:14 Caller Here it is.

47:15 Drew Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

47:17 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects. Call the Dateline. Call the Dateline.

47:22 1-877-889-DATE.

47:28 Caller Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready.

48:01 Drew Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Ty Pennington is coming in here tomorrow night. He's the home improvement dude that all the ladies love. I like to reveal him for the charlatan that he is, Drew. I know I know more about carpentry than he does. We have to figure out some sort of test to figure it out.

48:24 Adam Boring. Oh, I beg your pardon. I didn't mean, did I say that?

48:27 Drew You thought that was a draft.

48:29 Adam I just thought I thought it. Did something come out of my mouth?

48:32 Drew Boring bit. I really do enjoy that home improvement show.

48:36 Adam I just imagine what's going to happen when he gets in here tomorrow night. Maybe I'll learn something.

48:40 Caller I just leave my channel on those on HGTV and all those stations.

48:44 Caller Yeah, me too.

48:45 Caller I think it's very attract. I think a lot of women do that.

48:48 Caller You do?

48:48 Caller Do men do too?

48:49 Drew You like that? You know what?

48:50 Caller It doesn't really.

48:51 Drew Here's the thing about guys. There's a small percentage of guys that are really into all that stuff. And then the rest want nothing to do with it. Whereas women, a large percentage of them have a passing interest, some interest in it. So it's like, here it is. Two percent of guys are ranchers, gear heads, nuts with that stuff. And the rest, like every guy I work with over Kimmel, does not give a rat's ass about women. Eighty percent of them have some interest. They're not going to start framing up on the roof and putting trust and choice and whatnot. But they have an interest in it.

49:33 Caller They love the finished product.

49:35 Drew As a, when I was a carpenter, every guy, except for the gay couples, I worked for a fair amount of gay couples, I would speak to the chick. The guy had nothing to do with it. And the guys were just scared. Scared.

49:48 Caller Really, they were.

49:50 Drew These guys couldn't do anything. Like once in a while, I would say, look, they didn't have the base shoes, so we're going with the quarter round on the... Ah, do you got to ask my wife? Well, it's no big deal. See, now I'm going to... I'll just... No, no, no, wait till she comes home. Well, I got to get started here. She found out we had this conversation, and I said okay, and I didn't talk to her at all. You'd be amazed at how many guys are pee-whipped out there, by the way, especially with this sort of crap. Just, you'd be amazed at how many guys know zero about anything to do with their house or their car or pee-whipped. Guys are turning into chicks. Drew, you nursed your children, did you not?

50:31 Adam Yeah, I did with my third nipple.

50:33 Drew Your supernumerary nipple?

50:36 Caller They're just trying to get along with the assertive women. You know, women have become very assertive in the past, you know, couple decades, and I think men are just trying to figure out how to, you know, escape by that sometimes.

50:49 Drew They've really turned into pussies, guys, and I do think...

50:51 Adam Well, the thing is that when you really don't know anything about that stuff and your wife has got a vision going and a plan, you don't want to get in the way of it, just like, hey, great, cool, fine.

51:00 Caller That's what I'm saying, it's, you know...

51:02 Drew But look at the scale of guys being P-whips, OK, over the last 50 years, and then put that next to the scale of knowledge about working on the house, working on the car, fixing the tractor kind of thing. I think they go in line, you know what I mean?

51:21 Adam They go in opposite directions.

51:22 Drew The less the guy knows, the more P-whipped he is around the house. Yes? Yes, Drew.

51:28 Caller That's good. Yeah.

51:29 Drew Your forefathers who weren't P-whipped could fix the car. You are P-whipped, can't fix the car, you understand? And your children, look out, your son's going to be pregnant by 19.

51:42 Adam I helped the guy change a tire today, and we were both so lame, we couldn't figure out how to do it, and I thought, I was relieved to know that there's a young guy as bad as me. I was like, wow, I love cars, I love everything about them, I can't change a tire.

51:58 Drew Here's the thing about, let me tell you a couple of things that are going on, and Melinda, I hope you do a little cooking every once in a while, maybe a little sewing.

52:08 Adam No.

52:08 Drew You rattle the pots and pans in the kitchen.

52:10 Adam How dare you?

52:11 Drew Here's all I'm saying. Somehow, and I don't know when it happened, 20 years ago, women cooking and being able to cook and being able to stitch up a guy's pans, and a guy being able to go out and change the plugs in the car, somehow this became very passe and mundane. It was like, oh, please, I'm not going to live up to that stereotype. Now you got two tards living together. My wife can't cook, she can't sew, she can't do anything, and it's like, hey, baby, how about you do? Hey, what do you? Hey, come on, I'm a modern woman.

52:46 Adam My wife can do both, but why should she?

52:48 Caller That's exactly what I can do both. But I don't necessarily because I'm act because I work at these strange jobs.

52:56 Drew You bring some money in.

52:58 Adam That's cool.

52:58 Drew I hear something we switch off. Would you like to get back to a time, though, where the women could cook and the guy could fix the car?

53:05 Adam We just better hope that there's no sort of failure of technology. Yeah.

53:08 Drew Yeah.

53:09 Caller My husband would love that.

53:11 Drew Yeah. You're cooking and him fixing the car?

53:12 Caller Yeah.

53:13 Drew What's he do?

53:14 Caller Well, he's a he's a writer and director, but he's he's he's a he's a pretty he's not wept. We fight. We fight well.

53:20 Drew That's good. He's a good fighter guy.

53:22 Caller Yeah. But he can pick it pick up the slack when mom's not there too. So that's good.

53:26 Drew And can he fix the car?

53:28 Caller Yeah, he's pretty good at the car. Pretty good. He's, you know, fixing everything. He's very handy.

53:32 Drew There's handy around the house. All right.

53:34 Caller Yeah. And he's got a green thumb. Imagine that.

53:37 Drew Wow. Drew's got a brown nose. Got to kiss that wife's ass. Yes, sir. I mean, ma'am. Denise. What's happening? You're 20 years of age.

53:58 Caller Yeah. I was just wondering, like, I have no experience in obviously relationships. This is my first relationship I'm in at the moment. And I was just wondering, like, how do you know, like, when to get out? How, you know, how do I bring up a certain subject to them that really, really makes me uncomfortable?

54:16 Adam How do you what?

54:17 Drew Do you want out of the relationship or do you want to bring up something? Is that what you want to bring up?

54:22 Caller More the fact that how do I bring it up?

54:24 Adam Bring up what?

54:25 Caller Just recently, I guess he's had a lot of partners in his past. And he had a girlfriend or an ex-girlfriend that got pregnant, not by him, but had the baby. And he wants to go see her and that makes me uncomfortable. And there's also the fact that he has a friend, a girl, who's a friend in Pennsylvania that, I guess, his mother bought him a ticket to go see his mother.

54:48 Adam How did you meet this guy?

54:50 Drew Well, wait, hold on a second. First off, I don't know why his mom bought him the ticket. This could be an old childhood friend or something.

54:58 Adam How did you meet the guy? So I was asking, I want to see who this guy is.

55:00 Caller Oh, at a party.

55:03 Adam At a party?

55:03 Caller At a party.

55:05 Adam Oh, now you know.

55:07 Drew Oh, that's enough. Drew knows. He met at a party.

55:10 Adam What does he do for a living?

55:11 Drew That exclaims it all.

55:12 Caller Right now, he works at Applebee's. He's trying to become a policeman.

55:16 Adam A policeman. Right now at Applebee's.

55:19 Drew All right, well, Drew, now it's coming to a vivid detail.

55:22 Adam It's coming to a different focus.

55:24 Drew How about you let me talk for a second? I'll get some real answers. Denise. Yes? Quiet. Quiet. I have questions. Don't say I'm sorry. It makes me feel bad about myself.

55:35 Adam Not about you, though, Denise.

55:36 Drew But you could apologize for apologizing. It's all about him. Would you like to do that?

55:39 Caller Yes.

55:42 Adam Sorry, sir?

55:42 Drew So he is going to Pennsylvania to hook up with a woman that he has known for how long?

55:49 Caller I believe he's known her for about three years.

55:52 Drew Three years. And why is his mom buying him a ticket to go back and meet a woman who he's been friends with for a relatively short period of time?

56:00 Caller I guess they've been friends and I guess they've been planning this before he even met me.

56:06 Adam Why is the mom involved with this?

56:09 Caller I guess it's going to be his birthday present, basically.

56:11 Caller All right.

56:11 Drew And they never had any kind of relationship?

56:14 Caller No, not them.

56:16 Caller All right.

56:16 Drew And now the part about his ex-girlfriend having a kid and wanting him to, him wanting to visit her, see, the kid is that's within the realm of normal. That's no big deal, is it? Well, hold on a second, hold on. That's the P. Whipper speaking over there. No. That's not. Look, it's not weird. I mean, it's weird. It's weird to double date or to go to go maybe to go hang out with her. But the fact that she just had a kid sort of nullifies the weirdness in that you have not a little bit. It really does nullify.

56:54 Adam When the kid was the kid, maybe six years old.

56:56 Drew I don't know how old the kid said that she just had a baby and she wants him to see the baby.

57:00 Adam I didn't hear that.

57:01 Caller Well, okay.

57:02 Drew Let's just make sure her lines coming out. Denise. How long ago did his ex-girlfriend have the baby?

57:08 Last Friday.

57:10 Caller Okay. Okay.

57:11 Drew So that's a zero right there.

57:12 Caller Yeah.

57:14 Caller Well, my other concern is the fact that he wants me to actually go and I feel very uncomfortable with that. That is not the way I grew up and I guess he said something about he wanted me to be friends with her.

57:25 Drew Listen. Did you? Well, I pictured Denise growing up in the back of one of those buggies with the triangle, the reflective triangle on the back. Yeah. You're Quaker or Shaker. What are you?

57:36 Caller I'm, in fact, atheist. My parents have been, they're practicing Catholics.

57:41 Drew Look, Denise, you're 20.

57:43 Adam You're Mormon?

57:44 Caller No.

57:44 Drew Please, Drew. Denise, loosen up. Would you, baby doll? You're 20 years old. Lighten up. Have a wine cooler. Would you?

57:51 Caller Jesus Christ.

57:53 Adam You may be reading more. You may be trying to sabotage this for some reason. I was going along with Denise for a while, but I agree with you, Adam, that there's something with her.

58:01 Drew Here's the thing, too. She sounds like a robot. She's 20 years old. She sounds like one of these women who call up Dr. Laura. You know, this sort of weird, sort of, it's a weird chick thing. Guys do it too once in a while. The guys got their own crappy version of it, but it's like, I saw my husband looking at pornographic pictures by the toilet. I wanted to know how to react to this, and that's like, what happened? He was looking through a Fredericks of Hollywood catalog while he was on The Crapper. These women oftentimes are in their early 20s, and you picture them, you just sort of, you sort of picture them like churning butter out on the front porch by hand and wearing one of those do-rags, you know, on their head and looking like Little House on the Prairie. It's just, you're 20, this jerk works at the Applebee's, doesn't have a little fun, would you? He's had multiple partners before me. Yeah. It's like.

58:59 Adam He's from France.

59:01 Drew It's like one of the Coneheads is called then. And by the way, his, his numerous partners are probably like nine chicks he had sex with before he got to you, and Denise was probably the fat chick from high school that dropped a few pounds and didn't get a lot of that's one of the first ways to sabotage relationship be jealous about. You start going after everything.

59:20 Caller And being uncool and being.

59:22 Drew And it's just like how uptight can you be at 20? It's like he wants me to come with her. I'm uncomfortable with that.

59:29 Caller Sounds like somebody who's her whole life had men who betrayed her first relationship ever. She says, Denise, even like a font.

59:36 Caller Yeah.

59:37 Drew How many, how many partners, sexual partners has he had before you? No, no. How many, how many has he had before you?

59:48 Caller I believe eight.

59:50 Caller Eight.

59:50 Drew Well, I was, I was.

59:51 Adam Way off, way off.

59:52 Drew Well, nine, because I'm counting the chicken Pennsylvania was banging and we didn't tell her about it. So listen, the point is, is when you've had zero partners, if somebody had one, they have a hundred percent more than you. You know what I'm saying?

1:00:06 Adam What I'm getting from Denise's upbringing is very intrusive upbringing, like squashing her as a person and not letting her express any, any spontaneous aspects of herself.

1:00:17 Drew Here's the problem, too. Here's, like I said, it's like on Dr. Laura, it's like they call up and then Dr. Laura gets her panties in a bunch and it's like, he's going to see. Well, you got to tell him. No, you got to lighten up. Just relax. Stop busting the guy's balls.

1:00:33 Caller I've always thought that the, you know, I've always said to my husband, you got to go have a boy's night out. Go. And he was always the type that would, you know, that's the kind of woman I want to be. The one that, you know.

1:00:44 Drew I like to talk to this guy, but I get a different story.

1:00:46 Caller You think?

1:00:47 Drew I love when women are super cool, but then, you know, your wife's probably that way, too, right? Like he talked to her, she was like, oh, Drew, I told him, get out of here. I'm going to have a fun, go kick it up with the guys, hit a strip club, down a pony keg. But no, that ain't what it's like. That's not what the reality is. Guys don't do that. We don't have like that cool off. I told my woman, hey, you want to blow a couple of strangers? Do what you got to do. Do what you got to do. I'm cool that way. It's all cool. We don't do that.

1:01:20 Caller That's exactly what I told him, too. Go blow a couple of strangers. Come on, honey.

1:01:25 Drew So, you're cool. You don't mind him going out, having a good time?

1:01:28 Adam As long as he doesn't go to strip clubs.

1:01:30 Caller Well, I don't mind that either.

1:01:31 Drew Oh, really?

1:01:32 Caller Yeah.

1:01:32 Drew How about a lap dance?

1:01:34 Caller I don't mind that either. I actually like him.

1:01:37 Drew You really? You like what? What do you like?

1:01:40 Caller Lap dances are great.

1:01:41 Drew That's cool.

1:01:42 Caller Sure.

1:01:44 Drew Yeah. You don't mind. He's not that kind of guy, though, right?

1:01:46 Caller No, he's actually, no, he's not. He's not.

1:01:48 Adam At least he can't let on to the fact that he might be.

1:01:51 Drew I like when the guys, I like when Drew does this. I like the guy I like the most is not the guy who says he doesn't like the lap dance. The guy's confused by it. So how does this work? So you pay and then the young lady mints is about on your lap. But I don't understand. That's the part. That's the best way to do it. Like you just pure, pure ignorance. No, literally, I don't know.

1:02:14 Adam I don't know. It's been that long.

1:02:16 Drew It's got the word lap and dance in it. What could it be?

1:02:18 Caller Yeah, but I have no idea how to stand on your lap.

1:02:23 Drew And I don't understand your ways. Drew doesn't know what goes on.

1:02:30 Adam Now, we were talking about some details about what goes on.

1:02:33 Drew There's no way you could go to a strip club. Yes.

1:02:35 Caller No, no, no way.

1:02:36 Drew No way. Well, Melinda, you mean your husband.

1:02:40 Caller Yeah, we'll go.

1:02:41 Drew I just I'm just talking about me and your husband. I'll find out what goes on over there. Oh, yeah.

1:02:46 Caller Give him a call.

1:02:47 Drew Yeah, because this guy could be he could be one of those guys who wants to go to the champagne room. You know what I mean? Guy brings his own lube.

1:02:55 Caller Yeah.

1:02:56 Drew Yeah. I'll get to the bottom of it.

1:02:58 Caller We should.

1:02:59 Caller All right.

1:02:59 Drew Me and him go down to Thirsty's in Van Nuys or something like that. Bob's Classy Lady. That's the place. When you say Bob's Classy Lady and it's it, you know, it's on Sepulveda out in Van Nuys. Really? Classy.

1:03:14 Caller There's some good ones out there in the valley.

1:03:17 Drew Thomas.

1:03:18 Yeah.

1:03:19 Drew Hey, you're 17. What's up?

1:03:21 Caller Hey, before I ask my question to Melinda, I had a question for Drew. Drew. Yeah. Oh, like, I've been sick for a while, like, I guess like two weeks. I've just been hoarse, but I don't really I don't really feel sick. I'm wondering, like, is smoking pot bad for that?

1:03:38 Adam Yes.

1:03:39 Caller Yeah, I kind of forget that.

1:03:40 Adam And if you're smoking pot every day, you will get chronic bronchitis eventually.

1:03:44 Caller Oh, I mean, not every day. No way. But somebody told me that drinking makes you sicker if you're already sick. Is that true?

1:03:52 Adam Well, if you're it's that's actually a pretty complicated question. But yes, it can suppress your immune function.

1:03:58 Drew Well, but look, here's the reality. People don't talk about it that much, but it's 17. Do whatever you want to yourself. Well, it's not going to if you look, if you're sick, you're going to be sick for as long as the sickness lasts. That's about it. I mean, look, you rest up and drink some fluids.

1:04:16 Adam Well, the hoarseness is upper airway congestion. I'm in your trachea and laryngeal area. And so inhalers, that sort of thing can be useful.

1:04:24 Caller Have you been out to any parties speaking loudly on the weekends?

1:04:29 Caller I mean, I've been singing and I had to do a chorus festival recently with my like half voice, but I managed to do that. So I've been using my voice a lot. Yeah.

1:04:40 Caller Because I find that being out, I would get chronic hoarseness if I was out in a particular place and have to speak at a certain decibel. And then you have a few drinks and alcohol. And if there's smoke anywhere, all those kinds of things can stress your voice out.

1:04:56 Caller And of course, I've got nasty crap, but I guess that's another issue.

1:04:59 Adam I got another problem.

1:05:01 Caller That's what I'm saying.

1:05:02 Adam You have a tracheitis.

1:05:03 Drew I have a theory singing with the chorus, perhaps his boyfriend's penis has been pounding on his upper palate here.

1:05:12 Caller Yeah, that wouldn't affect the voice, no, no, no.

1:05:14 Adam Gotta get much further down.

1:05:15 Drew A lot of the guys are singing the chorus.

1:05:17 Adam Thomas, what was your question?

1:05:19 Caller All right, Melinda, I was wondering how they found you for the OC. Who approached you or how did they find you for the OC?

1:05:26 Caller Well, I was just on Hollywood and Vine.

1:05:29 Drew She was at Schwab's.

1:05:30 Caller Yeah, Schwab's drugstore.

1:05:34 Caller She went out on a thousand auditions.

1:05:37 Caller As everybody walked by, I just raised my skirt and they went, you can be the bitch on the OC. This time of year, there's something called pilot season and we go on. During that time, there's hundreds of TV shows and they ask you to come in and read for the parts. The producers actually knew who I was because Mick G, our producer, had done a show called Fastlane. I had auditioned for that.

1:06:01 Drew Were you in Fastlane?

1:06:02 Caller No, I didn't get the role.

1:06:04 Drew But he remembered you from a good audition.

1:06:08 Caller It's just one of those things that worked out well. They offered me the role and the role wasn't originally as large as it is now. I don't think they knew what they were going to do with it, but they liked what I was doing and they liked the potential for the character, so it became more.

1:06:24 Caller Well, it's a good show. I like it, so keep up the good work.

1:06:27 Adam Thanks.

1:06:27 Caller All right.

1:06:28 Drew Thomas got to go.

1:06:30 Adam Well, I got to go now. By the way, Are You A Mormon? Still batting 1,000.

1:06:35 Caller You think?

1:06:37 Drew Whenever Anderson plays the Are You A Mormon drop, it always gets an answer and a straight answer.

1:06:43 Caller I have a lot of Mormon relatives.

1:06:45 Drew You do?

1:06:45 Caller Yeah.

1:06:46 Drew Back in Utah there?

1:06:47 Caller Yeah.

1:06:48 Caller It's all they.

1:06:50 Drew People have this sort of fantasy that actors hang out and people approach them and pluck them up and-

1:06:57 Adam Or they're just some sort of mysterious story.

1:07:00 Drew You got to go out, you got to audition, you have to work hard.

1:07:03 Caller You have to sex with a lot of people.

1:07:05 Drew Or mainly oral now, but back in the day, included anal. I'm not telling anyone any news. Linda knows how the game is played. That's how she met her husband. The guy doesn't care about strip clubs. Here's the point. I remember when we had Jeremy Piven in here, and Jeremy Piven has been in every single movie ever made. He really has. He's in every second movie. I said to him, how do you get in every single movie ever made? He was very earnest.

1:07:40 Adam Very serious. Yeah, very serious.

1:07:41 Drew That's when I realized we couldn't hang. Because I thought, here's a guy who works hard and I don't need that. He's like, I get the script. I study the script. I learn the script. I become comfortable with the material. I get off script and I go in and I blow them away. I start thinking, after you've been in 178 movies in the last four years, you really got to go in and people are like, let's have Piven read this. I wonder what his take on it.

1:08:08 Caller He's John Cusack's buddy.

1:08:10 Drew Just close your eyes. You know how Piven, I could picture, I could hear Piven doing this, anything that any actor has ever done. I've seen him in a thousand movies. He had to show me you're real. But the point is, he said, I know Melinda is a huge fan. He said that he busts his chops and goes in and he's real serious about it and everything. I'm just saying if a guy has been in 5,000 movies in the last 12 months.

1:08:38 Adam That should be enough.

1:08:39 Drew Should do that.

1:08:39 Caller It's not nowadays. Everybody has to audition for everything, even if you're a celebrity.

1:08:44 Adam That is why Adam is not on film or television.

1:08:47 Drew That's right.

1:08:47 Adam He will not audition.

1:08:50 Caller And I think that's one of the most difficult process. It's a medium you have to become proficient in and it's never, ever easy.

1:08:57 Drew It hasn't worked out well for me.

1:08:59 Caller Really?

1:09:00 Drew No.

1:09:01 Caller Have you done a few?

1:09:03 Drew I've, well, here's what.

1:09:05 Caller sitcom auditions?

1:09:07 Drew No.

1:09:07 Caller Or comedies for film?

1:09:08 Adam You won't do any.

1:09:09 Drew I'm not interested in doing any of that. But the, well, I had a couple of things. First, Feather and My Cap have had casting agents back when I was with William Morris, call William Morris and complain that I was abusive. I thought how many how many actors get the phone call back to the agent saying the guy was verbally abusive, but here's the whole thing. A casting agents are right down there with publicists in terms of just horrible wretched. It's like meter made Nazi henchmen, a publicist casting agent. They're all just retards and idiots. I mean, they're idiots. They're worse than publicists in their own sort of way. They're pompous too.

1:09:54 Caller They're hugely pompous.

1:09:55 Adam They seem to be able to create roles.

1:09:57 Drew They're idiots, please. And so the thing is is I've had a couple of good episodes. One is, you know, you sit down. Sometimes they do that. What makes you think you can act? Yeah, I have got that before. Another thing they do is they tell you to get there at five and they tell everyone to get there at five. And then everyone just sits around and I go around the room. What time they tell you five? What about you? Five? What about you? Five? And it's like, well, where? Well, it's it's five thirty. Where is the guy? They're in the back eating. You can hear him laughing through things. So a couple of good things. I leave all the time. I always leave. And when you leave, they freak out. They're like, why did he leave? And it's like because you said it was going to be at five and it's now five thirty and no one came out. And I just said, if no one comes out in a half hour, I'm leaving. Oh, you got to get back. No, no, no, no way. But I've had a couple of good ones. One is the verbally abusive one.

1:10:46 Caller Most of us are just trying to kiss ass.

1:10:48 Drew Yeah, they love that. The other one, the other one that was good is got a call back and didn't go because that was the one where they said it was it was a one line. It was like one line, one line. And that's our thing. Here's the other thing about casting agents. They call everyone back hundreds of times. If you're if you're bar patron number five and Melrose Place, well, all you have to do is hold your empty beer mug up at the end of the bar. They want to see you six times. These poor guys got to get people to cover. You know, they're all waiters and waiters, cocktail waitresses and all this. They got to get people to cover for them while they drive across town and audition two, three and four times for the same idiot who already saw him for the same nothing role. So they said, come back and do it again. And I said, I was already there. And they said, yeah, yeah, I know. But come back again. And then I said, look, you want to see me do it again? I said, yeah. I said, close your eyes and picture me doing it the first goddamn time I was there. And they're like, huh?

1:11:48 Adam Was this the abusive call?

1:11:49 Drew No, that was another one. But listen, these are idiots. Who cares? Let's just take these people and publicists and just just ball them, just put them in a huge ball and just throw them in the ocean. So it was to have a better society. You know what I mean? A handful of attorneys.

1:12:05 Adam Weren't you going to launch people in some sort of what do they call that? That that device from casting it?

1:12:12 Drew Another time I tried to get everyone to leave a casting call to like there was me and about 10 other people there and people never showed up. So we just started. I just started yelling, let's do a mutiny. Let's all go. I'll buy everyone ice cream. They wouldn't do it. Actors are spineless.

1:12:27 Caller Yeah, we are. I thought it would be nice to be able to be verbally abusive to the ones that are abusive to you.

1:12:33 Drew Alright, so abuse next time you go out on an audition. Melinda Clarke is here. Don't get me started, Drew.

1:12:41 Caller I won't.

1:12:41 Drew Well, from the OC. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. 1-800-LOVE-191 Hey, everybody, it's Loveline.

1:13:04 Caller I'm Adam.

1:13:04 Drew That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1.

1:13:11 Caller Sheesh.

1:13:12 Drew What did I say was in here tomorrow night? Ty Pennington. Ty Pennington. Yeah. Master carpenter Ty Pennington. We'll get to the bottom of that tomorrow night. Now, Drew, can we find some sort of test? Who can do this? Engineer Chris.

1:13:28 Adam Look for some sort of a contractor's test.

1:13:31 Drew Can you?

1:13:32 Adam Licensing board.

1:13:33 Drew Because Chris, like, F you. I'm getting 10 bucks. I get $20 for the two hours I'm here and you two. Yeah, you think that gift certificate, the blockbuster you two a-holes give me for Christmas every year is going to cover it? Please. It's great, too, Drew.

1:13:50 Adam When did you wake up to your reality?

1:13:52 Drew What, my reality?

1:13:52 Adam Yeah, the fact that the people around you shouldn't be kissing your ass and running, getting you coffee and making everything a little easy and comfortable for you.

1:14:01 Drew I've not woken up to that reality. I don't even know who said that.

1:14:04 Adam No, you're right.

1:14:05 Drew Who was that?

1:14:06 Adam I don't even know you, ma'am, when you talk like this.

1:14:08 Caller All right, quiet down.

1:14:09 Drew Chris, find some sort of test, contractor's test.

1:14:13 Caller Contractor? All right.

1:14:16 Drew He's going to come back with a conductor's test.

1:14:18 Caller Tell Ann to do it.

1:14:19 Drew I don't know where Ann is, and Ann gets mad if you ask her to do stuff.

1:14:24 Caller You're so pee-whipped, Adam.

1:14:29 Drew Ann's not here. Producer Ann, is she here?

1:14:32 Adam She's listening to your offensive comments from nights ago that have led to complaints.

1:14:37 Caller Okay, that's a good time.

1:14:42 Drew We have to do it Germany or Florida?

1:14:43 Adam Yeah. Explain it to Melinda.

1:14:46 Drew Oh, yeah. Okay. So here it is. All bizarre stories either emanate from either Germany or Florida. They tell us the bizarre story. We guess Germany or Florida.

1:14:57 Adam It's actually much more than just a guess.

1:14:59 Drew All right. We tell them. Brad?

1:15:01 Yeah.

1:15:05 Drew See how exciting the game can be? Brad? Sounds like Germany.

1:15:09 Yeah.

1:15:10 Drew You're 16? It's already a disaster. Go ahead.

1:15:20 Caller A gambler called the police for help after he lost his false teeth during a poker game. The man's poker partner had taken his dentures as a security against non-payment of gambling debt. The 45-year-old who owned the other man a considerable amount said he asked the police for help because he didn't want to have to live off fluids until he'd raised the money. His 51-year-old rival admitted taking the teeth from his friend's bathroom as insurance against the owed money but handed them back under police pressure.

1:15:51 Drew This could be Germany or Florida.

1:15:54 Adam I'm thinking Florida.

1:15:55 Drew It feels Florida.

1:15:56 Adam Melinda said Florida.

1:15:58 Drew Melinda says Florida.

1:16:00 Adam Geriatric.

1:16:01 Drew We say Florida.

1:16:02 Adam Yeah, the teeth come out and stuff.

1:16:05 Drew It's Germany.

1:16:07 Caller Oh, wow.

1:16:08 Drew Wow. Man, that's smarts. That stings.

1:16:13 Caller Wow.

1:16:14 Adam We thought we told you.

1:16:15 Drew Yeah, you did. And that is, by the way, that's one for three.

1:16:23 Adam I know. I'm feeling demoralized.

1:16:26 Drew This is what, this is nothing short of a slump, Drew.

1:16:29 Adam There's a streak in the wrong direction. Really, seriously.

1:16:33 Drew There's a negative streak, which I think is called a slump. Okay.

1:16:37 Adam Nothing short of a slump.

1:16:38 Drew It is not short of a slump. Wherever the slump begins, we're well into that area. We're in Slumpville. We have not coasted and stopped just before we got to this, across the slump border. We're into the slump. Oh yes. And Melinda is the queen of the slumpers. In the slump. She is knee deep in the slump with us. Because whereas we're one for three, you're a euro for one. Which is a slump as well, you know, are arguably not the slump that we're in, but still slumps. Yeah. Beth? You're 21? Now before the night is through, we got to take a Germany or Florida to try to see if we can get ourselves, extricate ourselves from the slump that we're in. Beth has been on hold for 118 minutes. What's up baby doll?

1:17:29 Caller Well, I had a question for Dr. Drew about masturbation. Ever since I can remember probably around the age of three or four and up to about 13, I masturbated quite a bit. I'd say like daily. And I wanted to know how normal is that and why. What would cause me to do something like that? I mean, I know it's normal when you get to your pre-teen age, but.

1:17:52 Adam It sometimes just happens.

1:17:54 Drew She said three or four?

1:17:56 Caller How much do you remember three or four?

1:17:58 Caller Well, I can remember three or four because I lived in a townhouse until the age of four and I can remember doing it in my bedroom or my townhouse.

1:18:05 Adam So that's the other thing more commonly than not, in my experience, people that stimulate the genitalia at an age prior to the sort of developmental stage where they would get sexual arousal from that, or kids that were either A, exposed to some sort of sexual material or sexual abuse at a young age, or B, lived around a lot of chaos and it's just something that kids seem to do when they're sort of trying to deal with overwhelming chaos. So, Megan, where do you fit into the spectrum of those?

1:18:40 Drew The phone's all over the place.

1:18:41 Adam I know, but let's hear it.

1:18:42 Drew You know what, Drew, you gotta move around with your kids, by the way.

1:18:45 Adam So they can tell where they were at what age?

1:18:47 Drew Yeah, you don't know how... Like, for me, I'm like, well, let's see. We lived in the S-Box in North Hollywood until I was... Then my dad moved into that crappy one-bedroom on Laurel with the green carpet, and then he moved into the A-Frame dump off Otsego there. You see what I mean? You can move it around. If you move once a year, move every calendar year, your kid will always know where he was. It was eight and all. It was molested by Uncle Lou. We were living back on Esmeralda Street. Yeah, I remember that. You know where we are. Your kids, they got no idea. They've been there since they were four. They're going to push all the way through to high school to be in the same place of no timeline.

1:19:31 Caller You know what I mean?

1:19:32 Drew People say, oh, when did you lose your Virginia? I don't know, six, 16? I don't know.

1:19:40 Caller I don't know.

1:19:40 Drew My dad wouldn't move.

1:19:43 Adam It's true.

1:19:44 Drew It's true. It's true.

1:19:46 Adam No, no, no. We got to talk to finish with Beth.

1:19:48 Drew Beth, she's been on hold for a hundred and nineteen minutes.

1:19:55 Adam So what kind of environment were you raised in?

1:19:57 Caller I mean, I grew up by the pretty normal family. I mean, both my parents worked. I was never abused. Neither one of them have any type of alcoholic issues.

1:20:05 Adam Are you a Mormon? No, I'm Jewish. Thousand percent. Jewish.

1:20:09 Drew I know there's no abuse.

1:20:11 Adam And together, yeah, there was no intrusiveness or unpleasantness of any type.

1:20:16 Drew Yeah, the Jews, they intrude a little. That's because they love them.

1:20:21 Adam You what?

1:20:22 Caller I'm close with both my parents.

1:20:23 Adam OK, and then no sexual abuse, no sexual material.

1:20:26 Drew She's Jewish, Drew.

1:20:28 Caller My dad gave me a bath when I was younger.

1:20:29 Adam No, no. Any bipolar illness in your family? OK, so it may just be you. That does happen without a reason.

1:20:37 Caller Is this something that happened?

1:20:39 Adam Yeah. It's OK. Why'd you stop?

1:20:42 Caller Well, because I was doing it so much, I pretty much convinced myself that it's not good to do it so much. So around the age of 13, 14, I just kind of phased myself out. I'd distract myself. And then around the age of 14 is when I had my first boyfriend that was considered a serious relationship. I stayed with him all through high school.

1:21:00 Caller All right.

1:21:01 Adam And what happened with that? No, but I mean, did you have, were you sexually active with him?

1:21:10 Caller Duet.

1:21:11 Caller All right.

1:21:12 Drew Beth, first off, it's a, it's a mitzvah, your masturbation, masturbatorial mitzvah. Secondly, mauselta. Third, if you should want to diddle yourself, then feel free.

1:21:27 Caller There you go. All right.

1:21:29 Drew Relax over there, would you? Everybody.

1:21:31 Caller Let's see.

1:21:32 Drew Talking about your 20 year olds, 21 year olds, the weight of the world on these kids. Just relax. Enjoy a little bit. Act like you're 20. You're 21 years old. Just enjoy your, enjoy life a little.

1:21:46 Adam Abundance.

1:21:47 Drew Abundance. That means abundance.

1:21:49 Caller Oh, I beg your pardon.

1:21:51 Drew But here's the point. Mama Celeste used to say that about her pizza. Here's, here's the thing. By the way, when a product is crappy, should you really be advertising to get more? How about crappy frozen pizza? We give you less. Because it kind of sucks. Okay. Here's the thing. I wonder if kids, and I say kids, but I just mean young people growing up today, are we hitting them over the head with like way too much news and way too much negativity? And, you know, are they worried, are they sitting around thinking about global warming too much and venereal diseases and the FCC and the Middle East conflict and dirty bombs? I mean, everyone's just like, is everyone getting more depressed? You know what I mean?

1:22:38 Adam It seems more serious.

1:22:40 Drew You know, listen, when you're 20, you're supposed to just be looking to have a good time.

1:22:45 Adam I know things have not changed that much on college campuses. They're pretty much the same.

1:22:49 Drew They are? You don't think they're more serious?

1:22:52 Adam No, I think they're a little wilder in fact.

1:22:54 Drew Yeah, I mean, they're acting. Yeah, but that's in a way that's like acting out. But I think they know too much. I just mean the college student of your had a relatively simplistic view of the world, I would say. Probably didn't know all that much that was going on outside of our borders other than, you know, Canada was good and Soviet Union was bad. I'm going to get a job and spit out some kids. You know, I mean, I don't want to oversimplify it, but I just get the feeling the kids are sitting around trying to figure out what's going on with Michael Jackson in Israel and their heads are exploding.

1:23:33 Adam Yeah, trying to take those two situations simultaneously.

1:23:37 Drew Just listen, there's too many news channels.

1:23:40 Caller Yeah, and the media I think is the one thing that's changed so much.

1:23:45 Drew Crack a beer everybody and listen to a Dr. Demento album or something. Just relax. Loosen up a little.

1:23:53 Caller I know, where is Dr. Demento now?

1:23:56 Drew He died tragically of AIDS. But anyway, so you got to wear a condom when you're having sexual relations. No, he's around. I don't know where he is.

1:24:05 Adam He was mentioned on The Simpsons the other night. Bart hated him through the radio at the window.

1:24:12 Drew We're going to take ourselves a little break. Melinda Clarke's here tonight from the OC. Where are you going, buddy? Wednesday nights on Fox. Drew's heading out. Okay, easy buddy. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:24:29 Caller Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:24:46 Drew Everybody, it's Loveline!

1:25:15 Caller Thanks for watching!

1:25:16 Drew Melinda Clarke is here tonight.

1:25:17 Caller She is from the OC. Fox, Wednesday nights, nine o'clock.

1:25:17 Drew Tomorrow night, Ty Pennington in here from Extreme Home Makeover, a show I very much enjoy. I saw it last night. I believe I've seen all of them. Unlike the OC which I've seen parts of, but again, I'm just glad it's out there. You've just seen the ads? No, no, no. I've seen parts. We work here, so we got to leave. And the TiVo is an iffy technology. I've not really worked out yet. But the point is, is to me, the OC it's really like the undercover security at the airport. I'm glad those guys are walking around. I don't need to see them. I need to know they're there doing their job. You see what I'm saying? I need to talk to every one of them. I need to know they're doing their job. I feel better. You see what I'm saying? I feel better knowing that the OC is out there. Marina?

1:25:50 Caller Yes.

1:25:51 Drew You're 25? What's happening?

1:25:53 Caller I'm 25.

1:25:55 Caller Hi, Dr. Drew.

1:25:56 Caller Anyways, I think I've taken a turn on our sex relationship with my boyfriend. He's gotten used to me telling him stories and talking to him dirty, like when we have sex. And he expects it every time, pretty much.

1:26:15 Drew Yeah. What kind of dirty stories?

1:26:19 Caller He wants me to like role play and just tell him like what I've done, that I've cheated on him and explain to him like what I did the night before with a different guy.

1:26:32 Drew Guys get into that weird sort of naughty, there's that, tell me what you did with the other boyfriend before me. I like to look into the future. Tell me what you're going to do to the next guy after we break up because I keep bugging you with this.

1:26:48 Caller It's like a verbal penthouse for him.

1:26:51 Drew Yeah. It's sort of boner meets misogyny, you know, it's a weird sort of, I don't know.

1:26:59 Adam It's bringing a woman down in a way, it's sort of dirtying her.

1:27:03 Drew Yes, there is a soiling that goes on. Marina? I don't totally trust this guy and this impulse. On the other hand, how old is he?

1:27:18 Caller He's 31.

1:27:20 Drew See, I was going to cut the guy some slack if he was 26. 31, it's kind of time to start stepping out of this role and, you know what I'm saying?

1:27:37 Adam How did you get into it? How did you get into this?

1:27:39 Caller Well, it was kind of like something that we started talking like naughty, dirty, you know, and then it just got more and more and then...

1:27:49 Adam So he's been steering it in this direction.

1:27:52 Caller Yeah.

1:27:53 Adam You don't normally do this in your relationship. All right, this guy, he brought it on. Okay. So this is something he needs, he's a fetishist a little bit.

1:28:01 Caller A little bit.

1:28:01 Adam And that often, if somebody's a healthy person, often feels a little funky, a little distant, a little exploitative.

1:28:07 Drew Yeah, but this isn't him beating off while you step on roaches and stiletto heels. Although that could be just around the corner for you guys. Okay, I'll tell you what, you don't need to wean him off of it. You need to tell him that this is not the way you prefer to be intimate. And look, your birthday's coming up. I'll give you a little wax, a little poetic about who I'm planning on having sex with.

1:28:32 Adam Yeah, a couple of times a year. And that's it.

1:28:35 Drew You got Christmas and you got your birthday.

1:28:38 Adam He's not being funny, he's being serious.

1:28:41 Drew Feel free to do that.

1:28:42 Caller Okay, I just talked about it. And it happened like once, it'll happen after we talk about it, you know, it'll happen that first time we won't, he won't go into the dirty talk and we'll have just sex. And then it'll just start happening again.

1:29:04 Adam Does he have any trouble functioning when you don't do this?

1:29:07 Caller No, like, I know.

1:29:09 Drew All right, just tell him. Just feel free to tell him now. That's all right. Yeah. You got the, you control the purse strength, you know.

1:29:17 Adam Understand, you're feeling distance because of the fetishistic behavior and that's the problem with it. So tell him to cut it out. He doesn't have to have it. If he doesn't need it to function, then great, fine, stop.

1:29:28 Drew And then, by the way, when you do pull it out, it becomes a treat because everything just becomes relative. I mean, if every sexual act you had was a threesome with your fantasy partners, unfortunately, that would get old in 20 years, 30 years, 20 to 30, 20 to 35, 20, 25 to 35 years. No, that would become old. It all becomes old. Everything. It's eat steak and surf and turf every night. You're going to get tired of it in a couple of weeks, you know, no problem. So that's it. This is a fantasy. And I think you start screwing up your intimacy when you start pulling out all the tricks every night. There's no place to go. Worse for me.

1:30:14 Adam You got lots of room.

1:30:15 Drew Oh, I get my lady a little punch in the shoulders. Wow, that foreplay. It's amazing. What's gotten into him? He must want something. I want to talk to young Alex over here. Yeah, Alex.

1:30:32 Adam Hello.

1:30:33 Drew You're 14. Hi, baby doll. You're painfully shy around guys.

1:30:41 Adam You sound quite forthcoming with us, quite assertive, right? All right.

1:30:49 Drew You're forthcoming, assertive? Okay, listen, Alex. Here's the thing about you ladies. You put too much pressure on yourselves.

1:31:00 Adam Well, think how guys are at 14, talking to girls.

1:31:03 Drew No, guys put a ton of pressure on themselves, but rightfully so. They gotta push it along. Girls, you have to be attractive to get the guy to come over and talk. If he does come over and talk, then you just nod your head. Sorry. I mean, look, at some point, there'll be a conversation, but that's not gonna make or break him asking you out. You know, I mean, and I think a lot of people think this is, oh, this is condescending. It's not. It's just the way, the way it is. You know, some 14 or 15 year old guy is attracted to you. He's in your history class. He thinks you're cute and he comes up and talks to you. All you gotta do is not shut him down.

1:31:42 Adam You know, I just thinking about something.

1:31:43 Drew And you'll be fine.

1:31:44 Adam Yes, it's true. But I'm just thinking about something. We were talking a lot tonight about how people have taken things so very seriously and how kids need to calm down and stuff. My kids go to a cotillion class. And I remember when we were, you know, when we were that age.

1:31:56 Drew That's a religious thing?

1:31:59 Adam But listen. Manners? When we were that, we'd be like, oh, God, for God's sake. You know, just, oh, we'd be rebelling against it, we'd be fighting it, right? Kids that we take them to, they're like, it's very, very serious. It's like this is.

1:32:10 Drew Really?

1:32:11 Adam And it's like we've gone from being rebellious as kids to being, trying to live up to something.

1:32:17 Drew Yeah.

1:32:17 Adam It's something that the kids aren't really thinking about if they want to live up to it or not. Even when some of the things they're living up to are highly restrictive and highly. What do you do with Cotillion? But sometimes it's living up in college and trying to live up to certain sexual standards. They're not even sure they want to do it. They're not rebelling against it. They're just trying to live up to what Cosmo says they should be doing.

1:32:37 Caller They know about consequences more now? They still have to experience it.

1:32:41 Adam It's just a dramatic change in the whole sort of basic orientation.

1:32:45 Caller What do you do with Cotillion?

1:32:46 Adam You learn how to dance.

1:32:47 Caller Dance.

1:32:48 Drew That's it?

1:32:48 Caller Yeah.

1:32:49 Adam Melinda's been there.

1:32:50 Drew Good times.

1:32:51 Caller We had an episode called the Cotillion.

1:32:53 Drew Don't they always have it at church, though?

1:32:55 Caller No.

1:32:55 Drew It's outside of church?

1:32:56 Adam Yeah.

1:32:57 Caller Yeah.

1:32:57 Drew What, have it at a gym or something?

1:32:58 Adam Like a hotel or hotels or...

1:33:00 Drew Really?

1:33:01 Adam Country clubs.

1:33:01 Drew Cotillion. All the kids I knew went to the local church to learn that stuff. Well, maybe it's the only place that had like a ball, you know, wooden floor. All right. We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back.

1:33:12 Caller All right, guys.

1:33:13 Drew Here's the deal.

1:33:14 Caller Look in the hookup.

1:33:15 Caller Call the Dateline. Stick a waste in time with the wrong person.

1:33:17 Drew Call the Dateline.

1:33:20 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:33:21 Caller One eight seven seven eight eight nine. Date. Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline. Hey, everybody.

1:33:47 Drew Well, that's it. Ty Pennington tomorrow night from Extreme Home Makeover, Melinda Clarke on The OC. Wednesday night, it's nine o'clock. You find out how they do it on The OC. All right, fantastic.

1:34:00 Adam She lived in the OC. You grew up in the OC too.

1:34:02 Caller That's where she grew up.

1:34:03 Drew Yeah, Drew too.

1:34:04 Caller Yeah, Drew grew up on K-Rock.

1:34:06 Drew You guys may have had sex.

1:34:08 Caller Not known.

1:34:09 Caller One of the Kagers on the beach.

1:34:10 Drew Drew drank pretty good and got around pretty good.

1:34:13 Caller I did. I didn't, I wasn't quite like that.

1:34:16 Drew Well, but Drew was a man of such extreme passion that his passion would have been enough for the two of you.

1:34:21 Caller Okay, good.

1:34:22 Adam By myself.

1:34:26 Drew Hasn't been in any strip clubs, but been in a few ladies. I'll tell you that right now. Oh yeah.

1:34:31 Adam We gotta go.

1:34:31 Drew All right, we'll take a quick break. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo.

1:34:41 Caller This has been Loveline. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback

Monday, March 8, 2004