Episode 1000599185689

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. The listener discretion is advised.

1:00 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:11 Adam Is that music too loud or something?

1:12 No, no, it's good.

1:14 Adam You like that?

1:14 Yeah.

1:15 Adam Board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Trista and Ryan are both here, the newlyweds. Of course, we all saw them get married on... Well, my wife said December 7th, but I said, no, that's Pearl Harbor Day. No one's stupid enough to get married on December 7th. And she's standing by it. I said, it was about four months ago, right?

1:37 Guest It was December 6th.

1:39 Adam Wow.

1:40 Drew Maybe it aired the 7th?

1:41 Guest It aired the 10th. Ah. She's pretty close.

1:45 Adam And you guys, now, there was... You know, now tell me, you know, they edited that thing in such a way where Ryan looked like he was gonna, you know, kill you and collect the insurance like the day after you got married. And everyone was watching going, oh, man, look at him. He's had an ass fall. Look at him. He wants out. Because what they do is they go, Trista says, I want your tux to be pink. And then they cut to Ryan, maybe out of context, maybe not, pacing and looking angry. And then you watch it and you go, oh, man, this is not going to last 10 minutes. Liza Minnelli. And what's his home was going to last longer than this. But is that we really going nuts, Ryan? Or is that just the editing?

2:27 It was it was editing. I think they were playing it up for the big finish that we made it through all of the pink and and all that stuff. And we still got married and that kind of stuff.

2:36 Drew I mean, weddings do drive everybody crazy anyway.

2:38 Guest Yeah. Yeah.

2:39 Adam Yeah. Then the bachelor party, the controversial bachelor.

2:44 Guest It really was actually in real life.

2:46 Adam I rarely yell at the TV, but I was actually yelling. What? What do you?

2:51 Oh, no, sit down.

2:52 Adam Oh, Christ. Drew, I was yelling at the set.

2:56 Drew You do that once. But you were loaded though.

2:58 Adam I only know I only do it during sporting events.

3:01 Oh, no.

3:02 Drew I'm drunk when you're drunk.

3:02 Adam That's right.

3:03 OK.

3:03 Adam All right. These guys have a very good charity that they're raising some money for. It's it's called. It's a it's called Two Love Clothing Company. Is that like to love like tennis or just to love?

3:17 Guest I guess maybe. But it's to love is the is the T-shirt company.

3:21 Adam Right.

3:21 Guest And then there we're helping to raise money with them for the Step Up Women's Network, which is part of Girls Inc. They give money to I think programs for underprivileged girls and for like mentorship programs and stuff like that.

3:39 Adam So and you guys are designing each designing a T-shirt and then they go into production and the proceeds go to the Girls Inc. Uh-huh. And what's yours going to be? Did you do it already?

3:52 Guest We've done it, but they're not ready yet.

3:57 Adam It's a pink center with pink accents and pink roping.

4:00 Guest A chiffon frill.

4:01 Adam Yeah, and then a bullseye with a whip and cracks on it. No, what is it? Ryan, you've salvaged some dignity now, right? I mean, you got like a fireman theme or something.

4:10 What have you got? Mine is really tasteful actually. I've kind of started into this sort of kind of natural, sustainable living kind of aspect in my life. And so I tried to incorporate it in my T-shirt. It's organic cotton. Hemp. I tried to get hemp stitching, but they didn't have that.

4:29 Adam So you want in. But the design has to say like solar power with a fist or something, right? I mean, it has to say something on it, right?

4:37 The theme is love. And so I went with kind of loving the earth and did sort of a but it has a feathery soft feel.

4:44 Drew I'm reading it. It's true.

4:46 Very feminine. It's a feminine shirt.

4:48 Guest It's for girls. So he's designing a woman's T-shirt.

4:51 Adam Have you ever had to do one of those?

4:53 Drew What?

4:53 Adam Like something for charity? Not a shirt. Just one of those things.

4:56 Drew Yeah.

4:57 Guest Anything.

4:58 Adam Like once Jimmy and I got a hockey stick and we're supposed to paint it our own way. And Jimmy went nuts on his. And I did like two or three strokes with Marks a lot. And I started talking on the phone. I got distracted. And then I gave it to Jimmy and he finished it for me. But it is for a good cause. Yeah. So what about this sustainable living? You know, like solar power?

5:18 Not necessarily solar power, but I'm trying to get into more sort of a social conscious attitude towards towards living rather than a lot of wasteful things that go on in today's society. So I'm just kind of getting my feet wet in it. But it's something that kind of interests me.

5:34 Adam Are you still doing any firemaning?

5:37 Yeah, I'm full time. I'm full time back at the fire.

5:39 Adam Oh, you are?

5:40 Drew What city?

5:41 In Vail, Colorado.

5:42 Drew Vail, that's right.

5:44 Adam What a gig.

5:44 Drew I know.

5:45 Adam That's a dream gig.

5:46 Drew Adam tried to become a firefighter.

5:48 Adam Yeah.

5:49 Drew Tell the story.

5:50 Adam I signed up to be a fireman in North Hollywood after after I barely graduated from high school.

5:58 Drew They asked for applicants. Be fair.

5:59 Adam No, they didn't.

6:00 Drew Oh, they said you saw something saying applicants.

6:02 Adam No, I walked down to the North Hollywood fire station when I was about 19 and a half. And, you know, life wasn't looking too good for me at the time. I was just living in my garage and my stepmom was trying to kick me out of the house. I didn't have any job. I wasn't going to college and have any money. You know, fairly pathetic family who was, you know, apathetic at best about their their kids. They just wanted me to get out of the house. So I wanted to get a job. I thought fireman seems like a good job because fireman is is really it's got the perks of cop. But you get the poon tang. Where where's the cops? Cops like black people spit on you, you know, firemen. At least people love firemen. Right. Cats love them. Chicks love. They love so much. You have to come out with beefcake calendars every 10 minutes because the women can't get enough. I'm surprised it's not just a gathering of women just sitting out front, holding a vigil out front of the firehouse.

6:55 Guest People can keep coming to see him. I mean, he was on TV, but I think part of the reason is because he's a firefighter and hey, I get to go to the firehouse and see all the guys.

7:05 Adam Chicks, they love a guy in a uniform, but they don't need the sort of baggage that the cop comes with. And then the military.

7:13 Guest It's going away too much.

7:14 Adam You've got blood on your hands. And then there's other uniforms. There's like UPS, but those are gay shorts with the brown shirt and the stupid black socks. Now, firemen, that's the way to go. And then the hours are great because you work like three days in a row and then you have a few days off. How the hours work?

7:32 I end up working about nine to ten days a month.

7:35 Adam You hear that?

7:36 Drew During those days you work out and cook.

7:38 Adam Yeah, that's what you do. Here's what you do. You ring a bell, because I know that. And you go down the pole.

7:45 Caller The bell gets rung for us.

7:46 Adam The bell gets rung. If I just started out, I might be ringing the bell. Here's what you do. You spend the whole day, you spend the whole day working out, and watching cable, and eating. And cooking. And cooking. But there's one guy who cooks. He's got a funny mustache, a little bit older. You call him Cookie. It's a big joke. He's got the three-alarm chili. That's a big joke.

8:12 Drew And shopping.

8:13 Adam And once in a while a call goes out, but you show up, some other engine already showed up. You guys ask if everything's cool, and then you go back and eat, right?

8:21 Caller We only have two stations in Vail, so if there is a call where...

8:24 Adam Oh, you got to show up.

8:25 Drew A lot of stuff to do on the hill, right? A lot of calls to the hill.

8:29 Caller Yeah. But we stay pretty busy. I mean, in a sense, you're right. We go shopping, we cook, we do that kind of stuff.

8:36 Drew We were just kidding.

8:38 Adam It's a fraternity, too. It's a bunch of other guys who know they got it made, right?

8:42 Caller It's a great job. It really is a great job.

8:44 Guest It's like a family there.

8:46 Drew Can you grow up coloradoing?

8:48 Adam What a gig. Nine days. Well, anyway, I signed up. I said, this is for me. So I signed up and they said, well, it's going to be a little wait because you're a white guy. And they didn't exactly say that, but I knew what they meant. And five years later, I got the thing in the mail that said. Five years? Five years later, I got a thing in the mail that said, it's time to take your written test. And I took it. I didn't want to be a fireman five years later. I was a carpenter at the time, but I thought that what the hell if I waited five years to be sodomized and I got that note in the mail, be like, all right, well, here we go. I signed up five years ago. So I went down to Hollywood High and I was standing in line and there was this I don't know what she was. She was a chick and she was like Asian or mulatto or black. I don't know what she was. She was an Indian. She had some kind of mix something going on. Then I said to her, when did you sign up? She goes, two days ago. And I thought, holy Christ. Man. Look at me. And I thought, I hate the man. I thought. But then I thought I am the man. I thought I hate myself. And I started getting angry at my parents. And that was the end of my fire career. I passed the written test and then failed the one where you have to pull the weight through the rope.

10:04 Caller Really?

10:04 Adam Yeah. There's a I'll show it to you one day, Drew.

10:09 Caller There's a whole bunch of different sources.

10:10 Adam There's a bunch of different stuff. This thing we put a pack on, you jump up and down. It's very vigorous. That's why they get the chicks. Patricia? Sorry, I'm sweating like a maniac. I was working out like a maniac to the last second before I came here.

10:24 Drew So I turned the air down.

10:25 Adam Thank you. Patricia? You're 22? What's happening?

10:35 Drew How about that?

10:36 Adam All righty. Sorry for disturbing me on a Sunday night. Do you have a question?

10:41 Yeah. My boyfriend's coming back into town on Tuesday, and I want to do something really special for him because he's been out of town for three weeks.

10:50 Drew What's he been doing?

10:52 He went back to Denmark to visit his family.

10:56 Adam Wow.

10:56 Drew This is your boyfriend. How long has he been your boyfriend?

10:59 Adam Nine months. And you're calling from Kansas City?

11:02 Yeah.

11:03 Adam So, he's coming back to stay and live in Kansas City from Denmark? Same place, right?

11:09 Drew Yeah, right next door.

11:11 It's actually pretty boring in Denmark, so.

11:14 Drew It is. As opposed to Kansas City.

11:17 Adam Oh, yeah, no.

11:18 Drew You mean the plaza? The plaza?

11:21 Adam We were in KC for a spell.

11:24 Drew I've been there a couple of times now.

11:25 Adam So, he's coming back. You want to... So, you're talking like sexually, right?

11:29 Well, you know, he gets back into town pretty late, so there's not a lot of things to do when he gets back into town.

11:37 Drew He may be interested in sleeping right when he gets back.

11:40 Adam He's a European guy, so you're going to have to...

11:42 Well, you know, it's been three weeks, so I don't think he's going to be that interested in sleeping.

11:48 Adam Well, look, I know what she's going... Where she's... Direction she's going.

11:51 Drew Listen, show some enthusiasm. He'll be fine. That's all you have to do. Be interested in him.

11:56 Adam She's actually looking for... She wants... I know what she wants. You want Drew to give you the green light on anal, right?

12:02 I don't think I need Drew to give me the green light on anal.

12:07 Adam Give her the anal stamp.

12:09 Drew All you got to do is show your enthusiasm and he will be fine. It's all pizza. Give her the pizza talk, please.

12:15 Adam No.

12:15 Drew Please. All right.

12:16 Adam Patricia. Yeah. I don't know what your question is. He shows up, you be awake, he has sex with you.

12:24 Drew That's all a guy needs.

12:25 Guest Exactly.

12:26 Adam What do you want? What do you want to do?

12:28 Guest Especially after he's been gone for three weeks.

12:30 Adam You want to do... Look, you know what? Let me tell you. Let's talk. Ryan will back me up on this. Guys, we don't like a lot of surprises in the bedroom. We know what we want. Exactly. I mean, it's like here's... Forget about the pizza thing. But sex is like a restaurant that we like.

12:45 Drew Yes.

12:46 Adam And we know what we want.

12:48 Drew The girlfriend of the wife is the restaurant we like.

12:50 Adam Yeah. Eventually, the food gets old and you want to eat some even some anything even off the truck would be great once in a while. But no, the point is, is yes, that's what we want. That's what we like. We know what we want. We don't want we don't want someone saying, don't worry, I know what you like. We we know what we like.

13:08 Drew We would have let you know long ago.

13:10 Adam That's right. You would have been doing that.

13:12 Drew This is where the fallacy of these GD women's magazines come in. It's because it's all about who we're going to teach you how you will never meet the guy that goes, Hey, Ryan, you should my girlfriend. She read this thing in Cosmo. Unbelievable. Yeah, that guy does not exist. That guy does not exist.

13:27 Adam Trail of of rose petals leading into the tub. Candles were lit. I got a sensual massage. And a cuticle push.

13:36 Drew Feathers.

13:38 Adam Really? What you guys could do is, I mean, if you're really, you know, here's the sad, the sad reality. Ryan, I hope you're man enough to agree with this. But sad reality is, is you want to make a special night for us. Let us have sex with you and then let us go into the other room and unwind. Just leave us alone.

13:56 Caller I mean, whatever.

13:58 Adam That's what we want. It's sad. Sad. We'd like sex like we're having sex with a prostitute and then we'd just get up, but no payment. And then we just get up and leave and just go into the next room. I don't want to make it brutal, but that's it. Let us watch some TV while we're making love to you.

14:16 Drew You're going further down the slide here.

14:18 Guest I don't know if that's helping your cause.

14:20 Adam That would be a very special night. It would be special. Drew. OK, Ryan, if Trista said, hey, tonight, baby, it's your birthday, we're going to have sex. There'll be no talking. You can have the TV on if you like. And then as soon as you're done, I'm going to head for the kitchen and start rattling the pots and pans. You go to the van and start watching TV. How's that sound?

14:48 Guest Answer freely.

14:49 Caller No, I personally enjoy hanging out with Trista afterwards, so it's not that big of a deal.

14:55 Adam Well, she's in the kitchen. She can hear you.

14:57 Guest I don't cook. He doesn't like me to cook.

14:59 Caller We've only been married for a few months now. I mean, we haven't quite gotten to the point where I'm ready to desert her right away.

15:05 Guest And he's not so into TV.

15:07 Adam Really?

15:08 Guest Yeah, unless there's a really good game on or something.

15:11 Adam OK, well, we got nothing left to talk about because I'm in the TV. And those who aren't in the TV.

15:20 Guest I'm in the TV. That would be my thing.

15:23 Adam Tell Ryan I'm in the TV and from now on we can sort of communicate that way. I'll work through you, Trista. Drew, tell Trista that I'm a big TiVo man and ask Trista to remind Ryan that I'm a. I'd like to include you, though. Tell Trista to remind Ryan that the reason he's here and selling those frilly T-shirts of his is because of something called TV. Right. So I find it ironic that the guy who's too good for TV is sitting here in our beautiful studio, ironically, because of television, said invention.

16:14 Caller I think there's been a misunderstanding.

16:16 Adam Okay, talk to Drew.

16:18 Caller Drew, you don't mind relaying this to him.

16:20 Drew No, I don't mind at all.

16:21 Guest You need to relay it to me, so I relay it to you.

16:24 Adam Ryan, go through.

16:25 Caller Drew, go back to Trista.

16:27 Adam Trista can come to me if she has anything to say.

16:29 Drew Ryan, Adam would like the salt. Would you pass the salt, please?

16:32 Caller Yes.

16:33 Adam Tell Drew what you want him to tell Trista.

16:38 Drew I'm the medium.

16:39 Caller Well, I think what's happened here is somehow there's been confusion from the point of me.

16:43 Drew Don't look at him.

16:44 Caller Don't look at him.

16:45 Drew No, no. Not her either.

16:48 Caller First off, you're dead to me.

16:52 Adam So I don't even know who's talking, but if you want to tell Drew something and if Drew sees it, it's important enough for him to tell Trista and then she decides to pass it on to me, well, then maybe I'll hear it.

17:03 Caller Go ahead.

17:04 Drew I'm listening. Misunderstanding.

17:05 Caller What's happened is it's turned from me not necessarily wanting to leave my wife after having sex with her to watch TV, to me being completely opposed to television, which is not true. I enjoy television.

17:18 Drew Ryan says you're an asshole.

17:21 Adam That's fireman. Shouldn't he be working on a calendar or a t-shirt or something?

17:25 All right.

17:26 Adam Do you have anything to tell Trista?

17:29 Drew Honey, no, no.

17:32 Adam Let's put this behind us. Monica?

17:34 Guest Monica?

17:35 Drew He's fine, Ryan.

17:36 Adam You're 26?

17:37 Drew I think you rattled poor Ryan there. I think Adam really tried to assess whether he could actually hang out with you or not.

17:45 Caller I wish I was watching TV right now.

17:47 Adam When I hang out with somebody, that's what we do. We watch TV.

17:52 Drew There is an absolute deal breaker sort of preference for you that determines whether you can hang out with a guy or not.

17:58 Adam We got to be able to watch TV because that's what I do is when we hang out.

18:01 Drew What's that and your fame is receiving?

18:05 Adam All right, Drew.

18:06 Drew Please.

18:06 Adam Monica?

18:07 Yes.

18:08 Adam You're 26?

18:09 Caller Yes.

18:09 Adam What's up?

18:10 Caller Hi, everyone. My question is, okay, I had this really weird experience when I was really young. I would say below like three or four, okay? And it was an experience with my cousin, Karina, okay? And it was like, you know, kind of like sexual, right?

18:29 Drew How old was she? And you were what, pre-A6?

18:34 Caller We were both like three. We would just like kind of play and...

18:38 Adam The story sounds good, but why are you drawing on her name?

18:40 Drew Yeah, the name is very unsettling. Most people would hide a name if this was a real story.

18:45 Caller Well, these are fake names.

18:48 Adam But then why... Okay, hold on a second.

18:49 Drew Why names at all?

18:50 Adam You know when you watch those 2020 exposés and they got the guy in the shadow and they've just disguised his voice, they're like, we're calling him Mark.

18:59 Caller It's like, that's not his name.

19:01 Adam Yeah, we're calling it. Don't call him anything then. I need a fake name?

19:06 Caller He's not a stripper.

19:09 Adam I don't need to find him. Mark, with the quotations. This is not his real name, but don't call him anything then.

19:18 Drew I'm with you.

19:19 Caller All right.

19:19 Adam Thank you. You and the fake name person were having sex. She's your cousin.

19:25 Drew You were both three.

19:26 Caller No, we weren't having sex, we were just kind of like fondling and stuff like this, right? Now, I was wondering, would this affect my constant relationship failure or perhaps it would make... Because I'm manic-depressive, too.

19:49 Adam I think the bigger problem is you're 26 and you would not say the word sex, but yet you spelled it out like we were driving with a two-year-old in the back seat having a discussion. That's more troubling to me.

20:02 Drew Here's one of the things that sometimes causes very young children to be prematurely precocious with their sexuality, and that is a lot of chaos in the home. And so if you were both dealing with the horrible sort of circumstances there, sometimes kids will start looking to self-stimulate in ways that are abnormal. And so it's more, you can't really separate the two things out. It's not so much the contact, as much as the context for the acting out.

20:31 Adam Yeah, yeah, but this isn't the root of the problem.

20:35 Drew That's what I'm saying, is that it may be the context.

20:39 Adam The family that spawns that may have been the root of the problem.

20:42 Drew That's right.

20:43 Adam Ninety years of college, everybody, that's what you get. All right, so Monica, you had one episode with your cousin where you were three years old and you touched each other. Okay, well, that's not why your relationships are failing.

20:59 Caller Okay.

21:00 Adam I mean, here's the thing about failing in relationship. Most people's relationships fail anyway. I mean, if you asked 90% of the people on the street and said, how are you in the relationship department? They'd give you one of these at best. I mean, it's like 50%, 60%. I mean, not everyone goes, oh, no, I'm the best, it's the greatest, nothing but luck, you know?

21:18 Guest But what I don't understand is why are you trying to find blame for it? Because how... She's trying to understand why she's......you try to go forward.

21:24 Drew Why she's having problems now.

21:25 Caller Well, I just... I kind of... Because I'm going through therapy, you see, and I'm really wanting to expand and learn and grow.

21:33 Drew Here's the deal. You figure out where the traumas are. Who traumatized you other than this? This is a little trauma. Where are the big T traumas?

21:42 Caller Well, I had a psychotic breakdown and that was pretty traumatic.

21:47 Drew No, when you were a kid.

21:48 Adam Yeah, but who did it to you?

21:50 Drew Yeah.

21:50 Caller Nothing. I mean...

21:52 Drew There was a lot of chaos in your home?

21:54 Caller No.

21:55 Drew There wasn't mental illness in your family?

21:57 Caller Not even that. I mean, that's the weird part. I kind of did it myself.

22:02 Drew Well, maybe it's a biological thing. I mean, there's a certain amount of this has genetically predetermined.

22:07 Adam She's 26. She's all over the place. I don't know when you start worrying about this stuff, but 26 is getting to the outer edge of it.

22:17 Drew Of what?

22:17 Adam I have having bad relationships.

22:20 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

22:21 Adam But true. I mean, look at yourself, right? I mean, when? No, I know. It's painful. But I mean, when did you put your first, you know, you didn't do anything. You didn't make a move there like 30, right?

22:32 Drew To what? A good relationship?

22:34 Adam Yeah, series banging, a series of faceless candy stripers, a couple of, a couple of radiologists. I mean, just, you know, sort of the mortar between the candy striper bricks every once in a while, you know, things slow down. You know, a little mercy killing. You're all over the place.

22:52 Caller Yep.

22:53 Adam You didn't do, you couldn't get anything going, right?

22:55 Drew In fact, I was looking, we were watching films tonight of our kids when they were like one and two and three. And I'm thinking, oh, too bad it didn't happen now, we'd be a better parent.

23:05 Caller Oh, really?

23:06 Adam I think with Drew, and trying to figure out a way to beat himself up, even watch him. Drew loves his kids, boy. He loves them. He tells me, I'm going to need $30 million for each one of them to go to junior college. Look, my parents spent 1800 bucks on me since junior high and I'm fine. Look at me.

23:25 Drew Yeah. Look at you. That's what I'm talking about.

23:28 Adam Literally. Come on. They'll be fine. They'll lay on their feet. But you know, I started to freak her out because I'm saying, you know, your kids, you know, the house you live in, the opportunities, you know, Drew traveling around, his kids going to Cuba and Fidel Castro's yelling at him about baseball for three hours. These kids are meeting people. They're all over the place. They have opportunities because, you know, daddy Drew, he makes good money, he's respected, he travels and all that kind of stuff. Here's what I'm saying, you live in a big, nice house, they're going to live in a crappier house than they grew up in, which doesn't mean they're going to live in a crappy house. But just think about that concept of stepping down. I suppose a lot of people have to do it. When you're Corolla, you don't have to worry about it. Goddamn refrigerator box. You're doing better.

24:16 Drew God willing, at least the boys will be firefighters in Vale or Aspen or something. It will matter.

24:23 Adam That's what I don't like about guys like Ryan too.

24:25 Drew Who are you talking about?

24:27 Caller Ryan.

24:28 Adam Tell Trista. Because part of the reason I made money is so I could turn my nose up at all those who made less than me. But once in a while, there's somebody... Firefighter in Vale, 65 grand a year?

24:46 Caller No, not even close.

24:48 Caller 50.

24:49 Drew 45. See, worse.

24:51 Adam This is worse.

24:52 Drew Because his life is that much better.

24:54 Caller I know, I've made 20 times as much money as he does. His life is 10 times better than mine.

24:59 Adam This is horrible. Oh, he makes me sick this one. No TV.

25:03 Caller Good thing he's dead.

25:04 Adam And now this. If he wasn't dead to me, I'd go after him. Trista and Ryan are both here tonight. They're good sports. I'm going to drink some water, Drew. Really? Cool off. Take a shower. We're going to come back. I know, I'm all fired. I was skipping rope like I was making a Rocky sequel. And then I sprinted over here and I'm still fired up. We're going to relax. Ryan, you should eat, maybe work out. I don't know if this is the longest you've been without working out and eating.

25:34 Drew You can make it whip something up for us.

25:37 Adam Drew makes like a 70 gallon pot of chili in there so Ryan feels at home. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back.

25:45 Loveline, we'll be right back.

25:49 Every hour, two Americans under the age of 25 are infected with HIV. Protect yourself. Call toll free 1-866-344-KNOW.

26:05 Adam It's Loveline. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Trista and Ryan are both here tonight. And Julie Wedds.

26:16 Guest Thank you.

26:27 Drew Thank you. So, what do you guys live in, Vail?

26:29 Guest We're up on basically a mountain.

26:32 Drew By the Lodge?

26:33 Caller We're on the other side of the valley of Las Beaver Creek.

26:36 Guest No, the other side of the highway.

26:38 Drew Oh, before you go up there.

26:40 Guest Yeah. Okay, got it. No, it's way up. We're at, what, 8500?

26:44 Drew Yeah.

26:45 Adam We were talking about that when I was in Aspen, like, be careful about drinking. Beer will be, I went nuts, nothing. I looked at it as a challenge. It's like Drew, when I see the sticker on the medication with the martini glass and the slash.

26:59 Drew With the bubbles coming out.

27:00 Caller Yeah, that's game on. Can't we replace that?

27:04 Adam What is this, 1956, and Ed McMahon is ordered to double, like, something about the martini glass with, and then, yeah, Drew and I were talking about this. Why the martini glass with then the bubbles coming off it? It should be a champagne glass with the bubbles or martini with an olive.

27:22 Drew How dare they?

27:23 Adam Drew, let's look into that.

27:23 Drew You can change this.

27:24 Adam You got friends over at the labeling department of, like, the FDA or something, don't you? Let's talk to them. Tell them the thing about the...

27:34 Drew Actually, I suspect it has nothing to do with any governmental agency. It's merely a label company.

27:38 Adam Yeah.

27:39 Drew So we just come up with a better label.

27:40 Adam And who decided everything had to be tilted that was getting a slash through it?

27:44 Caller It's harder to read. It's like, look, here's the deal.

27:47 Adam Here's the thing that says you can't do it, the slash, not the fact that it's falling over.

27:52 Drew Yeah, yeah, I hear you.

27:53 Adam I don't need to see it falling. I hear you. Just put it straight and then put the slash. I can't tell if the thing's at an angle. You know what I mean?

27:59 Caller All right, get that...

28:00 Adam work on that.

28:00 Drew New labels.

28:01 Adam New labels.

28:02 Caller Let's go.

28:04 Adam All right. Let's... oh, yeah. What's the... I'm trying to think. Yeah, Girls Incorporated, everybody. Where do you get these t-shirts that you guys design? Trista and Ryan both designed a t-shirt you can get, and all of the money goes to Girls Incorporated.

28:19 Guest Part of the money.

28:20 Adam Part of the money.

28:22 Guest I don't want to be unclear about that. But people can buy them at Saks, Nordstroms, Macy's, and then boutiques and...

28:32 Drew It's an interesting group of people doing this, Jessica Alba, Michelle Branch, Jillian Barbieri, Brittany Murphy.

28:39 Guest And they're having... I guess they're doing reality... reality people are designing t-shirts this time around. I don't know who all they have. I know that Estella from The Bachelor, I think, was asked, and a couple of people from Survivor. But, yeah. So, hopefully, if you like them...

29:00 Adam Yeah.

29:01 Drew What's up?

29:01 Guest Pick one up.

29:02 Adam Did you bring one?

29:03 Guest They're not done yet.

29:05 Adam But your design's done.

29:06 Guest Yeah.

29:07 Caller All right.

29:09 Adam And Ryan's got the one you can smoke.

29:12 Drew Or recycle, anyway.

29:13 Adam You can recycle. Jen?

29:18 Drew 21? There you are.

29:20 Adam What's up?

29:22 Well, I was just recently diagnosed with cervical dysplasia, which I am told is the beginning stages of cervical cancer.

29:31 Drew That's right.

29:32 And my doctor didn't really explain the cause of it or what I can do to... I had the leak procedure done where they removed the cells that were bad.

29:43 Drew Yep.

29:44 And what can I do to prevent it and what really caused it? He never really went into that.

29:49 Drew Well, what really probably causes the majority of these cases is the wart virus.

29:54 Adam Really?

29:54 Drew The human papilloma virus.

29:55 Adam That's new, though, right?

29:56 Drew It's newly determined that it's the cause of most of this. So you should consider... did he talk to you about that? Did he do testing for that?

30:04 Yes, and I do not have that. That was one thing that we did do.

30:07 Drew Huh. All right. And how old were you when you started having sex?

30:13 I was 19.

30:14 Drew Okay. Any other pelvic infections or other problems or herpes, anything like that?

30:19 No. The only other thing I have is endometriosis.

30:23 Drew Well...

30:23 Adam So does this mean she's going to get cervical cancer?

30:26 Drew No, it doesn't. What it means is that you clearly have some predisposition. I still am very suspicious that it's the horid virus, nonetheless. And you're going to have to be very, very cautious and very, very diligent about having testing for this. And whenever the pre-cancer cells show up again, they just take them off whenever they show up again.

30:45 Adam What about my cancer-sniffing dogs, Drew? Are they starting...

30:49 Drew Jen's already got...

30:50 Adam My dogs could stop some of these tragedies.

30:53 Drew Yes, they could.

30:54 Adam Listen to this idea.

30:55 Drew Just run them through the Rose Bowl or something?

30:57 Adam No, I'll tell you how it's going to work. Ryan, you guys got a Dalmatian over at the house, right?

31:02 Caller No.

31:03 Adam What?

31:03 Caller I know. It's too cold.

31:05 Adam Great tyrannies. All right, good. Those are the craziest, most erotic, inbred dogs in the world, those Dalmatians. Who decided they should be near fire equipment? It's the worst pet ever to be near fire. I mean, I guess with the short hair, it's smart. You know, long...

31:25 Drew Yeah, we'll catch on fire.

31:26 Adam Pekingese might go right up. Yeah. And you wouldn't want to use a cat. Cats...

31:32 Drew No, no.

31:33 Adam Okay, but here's what I'm saying. Everything's got a smell. Dogs can sniff everything out. They can sniff the cocaine at the airport, the gunpowder. They take a joint, they pack it in 20 pounds of coffee grounds, they weld it into some truck fender, it comes over from Mexico and a dog starts humping the truck, letting the handler know that there's a joint welded in the fender. Amazing sense of smell, amazing sense of smell, which then always begs the question, Drew and I, why do they smell their own crap for so long?

32:05 Drew And each other's rears.

32:06 Adam When it's a thousand times more cute than ours. Could you imagine? And Drew's hypothesis was when it's a thousand times more, it starts smelling...

32:18 Drew It comes around, comes around the other side.

32:20 Adam I think it'd be like brisket or something. I think it'd be like sweets, you know, like flowers. It might be floral.

32:26 Caller I don't think it would be floral.

32:27 Adam It wouldn't be like something you'd spray in the bathroom, but it would smell like a good...

32:31 Drew Something good, yeah. Yeah. You're right, more visceral.

32:34 Adam Yeah, yeah. But anyway, so the dogs can sniff out anything and everything's got its own smell. I mean, whenever you have an infection or something, it's got its own thing going on. Dogs could sniff out A, cancerous cells. They started testing them. They could smell skin cancer. They could start smelling women downstairs and figuring out whether they had a venereal disease or some pre-cancerous something. The women, they don't have to drop their panties and get up on the stirrups or do anything.

33:07 Drew Just walk them by the chlamydia dog.

33:08 Adam Well, we run them by. We run the dog by.

33:11 Drew Cervical dysplasia dog, cancer dog.

33:13 Adam Right, so the ladies just line up like in the first bleacher of the gymnasium and they just come running, you know.

33:20 Drew So it looks kind of like a dog show.

33:22 Adam Yeah, wear something billowy, but you don't have to take anything off. And yeah, it looks like a dog show. And when the dog stops, that's a person. Because here's the thing, you got to go drop your drawers and get up on the stirrups. It's always a suspect nationality poking around down there too. And half the time you got nothing or 90 percent of the time you got nothing. So you're just there and they're poking around. Who wants to go through this humiliating ritual again and again? Where's the dog? Hey, everyone loves a dog. When you think about the position a medium sized dog is when you're petting it, it's right there. God knows what he knows already.

34:01 Drew These will all be basset hounds or that sort of anything. Bloodhounds, basset hounds.

34:06 Adam We've got to get about knee heights.

34:07 Drew They're the same.

34:10 Adam There's a lot of women that don't want to go to see the doctor.

34:13 Guest Oh yeah.

34:14 Adam Yeah.

34:15 Guest It's not fun.

34:15 Adam And think how many women could be seen with just one good lap around the gym with these dogs.

34:21 Drew Just run through the bleachers of the Rose Bowl or something. Yeah.

34:24 Guest Exactly.

34:26 Todd?

34:27 Drew What's up man?

34:28 Adam You're 18?

34:29 Caller Yeah.

34:30 Adam What's happening?

34:31 Caller Nothing.

34:33 Adam Alright. What's your question?

34:35 Caller Me and my girlfriend, whenever we have sex, it usually lasts for a while. I usually last for a while and last night I was at a party and I cheated on my girlfriend with this one girl and I only lasted like two minutes and I couldn't even go again. That's my question. I mean like why did that happen?

34:57 Adam You're breaking my heart Todd.

35:00 Drew Yeah? You're flying none of the batteries. Really?

35:02 Adam This is bogus.

35:04 Caller No.

35:04 Drew I don't know. It can happen.

35:06 Adam Really? Well, I know it can happen but does he call and announce it on the radio?

35:10 Caller I'm just wondering like why that happened, my man.

35:13 Drew He's actually confused.

35:14 Adam No, no. It's bogus.

35:16 Drew Hang on.

35:17 Adam Hold on.

35:18 Drew Hang on. Sorry. You don't understand that novelty is something that causes arousal?

35:24 Caller Oh, what does that mean?

35:25 Adam He doesn't know what arousal novelty is. He thinks they're like a daisy that squirts you in the eye.

35:31 Drew Yeah. Now do you believe the call? Do you bel- Do you understand that newness, that a new person creates a high level of excitement?

35:40 Caller No, but I mean then why wouldn't I have been able to go again though? That's what I mean.

35:44 Adam A touche.

35:46 Drew Were you drinking or doing drugs?

35:48 Caller I only had like two or three beers.

35:50 Drew What else? You want any medication now? No.

35:53 Adam What the? By the way, what's going on where people actually get to have sex at the party?

35:58 Drew That's weird.

36:00 Adam Oh, it was at your house? Yeah. Okay, so you met her at the party.

36:03 Guest Oh, boy.

36:04 Adam And you took her home to your house?

36:06 Caller No, the party was at my house.

36:09 Adam Okay, well you still actually got to have sex at the party, technically. I was right.

36:13 Guest He just made a room for it.

36:15 Adam Yeah, but was the party going on when you had sex with her?

36:18 Caller I mean, it was like three in the morning, so basically everybody had left or fallen asleep or passed out or whatever.

36:25 Adam And what about your girlfriend? Why wasn't she invited to the party?

36:29 Caller Because she had to work late and then she called me and was like, yeah, I'm going home tired and stuff. All right.

36:35 Drew All right. Let me give you a little...

36:36 Adam How about the part where aren't you worried that she might hear this conversation?

36:40 Caller No, because she never listens to Loveline and she goes to sleep.

36:44 Adam How dare you.

36:45 Caller Pretty early.

36:46 Adam She doesn't have any... Okay, hold on a second. Todd has a distinct sort of Down syndrome meets hessure meets retard kind of voice. You know, it easily one of her friends go, Hey, I heard that he had a party on Friday, didn't he? What?

37:07 Drew I know.

37:08 Adam Big enough problem is his penis isn't working when he cheats.

37:12 Drew All right. Well, let me just... He is that kind of guy that I could tell. But let me just give... There is an opportunity to teach people something here. And that is that arousal, erection and ejaculation are basically mediated by two different parts of what's called the autonomic nervous system. So it's really... Some people use the aphorism point and shoot. The point is the parasympathetic nervous system and then the shooting is the sympathetic.

37:34 Adam Are you talking to Todd who doesn't know what the word novelty means?

37:37 Drew The point is though that he might have been very sort of excited in those sorts of situations that the arousal... Not just the arousal, but the stimulation can hasten the release and then make it difficult and the anxiety and the stimulation also makes it difficult to go again.

37:50 Adam Yeah, but how come I couldn't have the second novelty on here?

37:54 Drew I should shut up.

37:55 Adam You're right. It's a parasympathetic.

37:56 Guest I think you're right. I think he probably started thinking about what he did and...

37:59 Adam That could be it, yeah. Plus, how many times do you have to ejaculate in an evening? It's 3 a.m. you've been drinking all night, you're cheating on somebody, you got away with one. You're really going to... Yeah, watch some TV.

38:17 Drew He's alive again.

38:18 Adam That's right. You watch it, that's what it's there for. That's right. That's right. We're going to take a break? When we come back...

38:26 Drew Now, come back to this.

38:29 Adam Germany or Florida. This is a game that is sweeping the country. I don't know if it's made it up to a veil yet, but it is huge. We're going to tell you all about it. Trista and Ryan are both here tonight. We'll take a quick break. When we come back, a little Germany or Florida.

38:45 Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

39:11 Adam I was reading something. Melinda Clark's gonna be here from the OC and then Ty Pennington from the house show, Extreme Makeover, home show, which I gotta admit I really enjoy, although I'm a sucker for that kind of stuff. They wanted me to do something on it, but they didn't want to do it. Now, what should I have? Well, it's like one of these things where they're like, first off-

39:32 Drew I've never heard you say that. I've never heard you turn down work and then go, oh, I wish I was doing that.

39:37 Adam Yeah, I know.

39:38 Drew Wow, you're changing.

39:39 Adam No, no, I like the show though, I really do like it. Yeah, I'm gonna challenge Ty to a building knowledge quiz, though. Smart Money's with the Ace Man.

39:50 Drew I've seen you destroy others.

39:52 Adam Yeah, we'll see who the real carpenter is. Oh yeah, a pretty boy, you know. Nothing wrong with it. Probably doesn't like TV like Ryan over here. He'll be in on Tuesday night, Trista and Ryan are both here tonight and they're doing a little something where they design a T-shirt and you go buy it and a fair percentage of the money goes to a worthy cause. Not all of it, let's be realistic. You know what I mean? There's, you know, they have an expensive lifestyle. You know, if they're an Aspen, they do a lot of entertaining, a lot of entertaining. That means flying people in and that means private, you know, transportation, jets, things of that nature.

40:29 Drew Drugs.

40:33 Adam Listen, listen, a little nose candy at that altitude never hurt you, right Drew? Little bluff.

40:38 Drew You certainly had to prove that.

40:41 Adam Let me just say this before we get back to the phones here. Hey, I don't know if you guys, will you guys, you're back and forth to LA.

40:48 Guest Mm-mm.

40:49 Adam And you're not. You're done. You're just in, okay.

40:52 Guest Just in Colorado. Not as much.

40:53 Adam All right, pretend you're interested in this then, Drew.

40:56 Guest Well, we get here. We just don't live here.

40:58 Drew There's gonna be a marathon.

40:59 Adam All over the news. No, I got no marathon. The whole city closes down, you know, once a year so we can run the marathon. Again, it was one year ago today that we left for North Carolina to do at Dawson's Creek when I missed my flight because of the goddamn marathon because everyone's gotta prove something to themselves. Unless they wanna prove something to yourself, do it in your living room. You're gonna have to close down the entire city because you've gotta prove something to yourself. And let me say this. You can all run 26 miles. No one's gonna stop you. Just go down to the track, go down the track and do like a 122 laps, whatever it is. There you go. Nice and quiet, nice and dignified. This is what I wanna talk about, but now I'm fired up. Now we have to close the entire city down so much A-holes can prove something to themselves. And here's the thing. If you can prove something to yourself, prove that you can run a marathon in under six hours. Cause after that, if you're sort of walking and jogging, then it's not a marathon. Drew, don't you think you could cover, you would eventually cover 26 miles? I give you enough Gatorade, bananas and jerky treats. Eventually you would cover 26 miles? Absolutely. Yeah, so what's the big challenge? No, you gotta do it a certain amount of time. All right, so let's say, here's the deal. We give you six hours, then we open up the streets. That's it, we're back on. You wanna keep going? Fine, you're up on the sidewalk now and you're doing it at your own risk. There you go. We, those who are secure enough not to prove anything to ourselves, except for how much TiVo we can wipe, we wanna use our city so everyone will be happy. All right, let me just say this. There's this whole thing with the highway patrol now. They're cracking down on speeders. Did you see this? On Thursday and Friday, it's like they're having these news. Must be it's just been a slow news day, but they were talking about highway patrol, they're saying that we're putting more men out there, right? This is three days after this study came out that basically said that the three most congested intersections in the world were within about an eight mile radius of each other, the 405 and the 101, the 405 and the 10 and like the 10 and the 110 or something. And the entire planet, the most congestion in the entire world resides in this like 20 mile radius. And the highway patrols got to get down and crack down because once in a blue moon, the traffic opens up a little. You got just a little bumper between you and the front guy and you put your foot down a little bit. Oh no, this has got to end. Really? In a city where we average 11 miles an hour, you guys got to crack down whenever we get over 60? That's your plan? Totally destroy us? And by the way, can we raise the speed limit? I mean, look at it this way.

43:51 Drew Just from a technology standpoint.

43:53 Adam It's been 55 for 30 years or so. Think about the vehicles. I mean, think about the technology. Think about the airbags and the crumple zones and the speed sensitive steering, the suspension, anti-lock brakes, the whole, their side curtain impact this and that. Really?

44:11 Caller We don't get it. My dad drove a car and it had a go-torn on it. It was pointing toward your sternum. I mean, it was like the dash is made of a corrugated steel.

44:22 Adam There's a spike on the front wheel. The thing is, it's got these belt tires that roll off the rim. If you go around the corners, you know, your big drum brakes, you're pumping the brakes, trying to get the thing to slow down. Now we've got computers, crumple zones.

44:37 Caller We can't go up 10 miles an hour.

44:39 Adam Not gonna be safe.

44:41 Caller Really? You guys, this is what you gotta do. This is what the highway patrol's gotta do.

44:45 Adam You gotta come down and bust the balls of the Los Angelenos who once in a blue moon, you get a little space in front of you. This has got to end.

44:54 Drew Let me tell you where it's coming from. When we drive home at night, there's a little space.

44:57 Caller Oh, it's got to end.

44:58 Drew We're going 85, 90.

44:59 Adam God forbid a car that's safe at 150 should go 70.

45:04 Caller Ooh, look out.

45:06 Adam Listen, here, let me tell you what the highway patrol needs to do. You guys, yeah, stop guys who are swerving all over the place and littering, you know, throwing syringes and Mickey's big mouth bottles out the window. And then you got to bust that Mexican guy with the pallets that are stacked up 80 feet high in the back of the truck.

45:25 Drew They're swerving everywhere. The mattresses on the roof.

45:28 Adam Yeah, okay, the guy who drives with the mattress who doesn't tie down the mattress, but he's got the arm hanging out there, you stop him, stop him. Not the guy with the speed rated tires who's doing a good steady 75. Really cracking down, gotta end. So what, an Autobahn, no speed limit, less fatalities per million miles traveled. You aware of that? How could that be? They're going faster than us. It has to be more dangerous.

45:58 Caller How do they have less? Idiots.

46:02 Adam Can we get this town moving?

46:04 Caller This is it.

46:04 Drew Speaking of Germany.

46:05 Adam How, yeah, March now.

46:07 Caller That's what I'm saying.

46:08 Drew Germany or Florida?

46:09 Caller No, all right.

46:10 Adam But really, Drew, you didn't see any of this, the highway.

46:13 Caller You guys, yeah, get out there. Slow everyone down, you retards.

46:17 Drew Two.

46:18 Adam Pansy, blue bow ties.

46:21 Drew Patricia.

46:22 Caller Yes.

46:22 Drew Hey, what's going on?

46:24 Caller I have a Germany or Florida.

46:26 Drew Well, unfortunately, we can't take it because we gotta go to break right now. Yeah. So hold on a sec. Hold on a sec. I got carried away. I couldn't help myself.

46:34 Adam I don't care. So Germany, Florida, this is, I'm talking about me, I'm talking about things I'm interested in. All right, Trista and Ryan both have to leave now.

46:42 Drew I can stay for the next break. 20 more minutes.

46:45 Adam They do one more break. One break, because you wanna play Germany or Florida.

46:47 Drew Yeah, you gotta stay.

46:48 Adam I'm sorry for Drew and his out there. Drew, off the air, though. We're gonna talk about this.

46:54 Drew Yeah, yeah. Fire it up.

46:55 Adam Fire it up.

46:55 Drew All right, we'll be right back.

46:57 Caller All right, guys, here's the deal.

46:58 Caller Look in the hookup, call the Dateline.

47:00 Sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

47:02 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:03 Caller One call is all you need to make. Call the Dateline. 1-877-889, date. Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline.

47:28 Adam See time Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Trista and Ryan are both here tonight. They are designing some T-shirts that will be on sale shortly at the medium upper end type places. And all the money, or at least some of the money, really none of the money.

48:02 Caller Where are you going?

48:03 Adam No, all the money is going to go. Some of the money is going to go.

48:06 Drew Right out of the steam, right there. Hit the wall.

48:10 Adam Not done enough show, Drew. I squeezed two hours into one hour.

48:14 Drew You did, let's let the collars carry it from here. How about that?

48:16 Adam Yeah, how about that, Drew?

48:17 Drew There we go.

48:18 Adam Yeah, well, if I can't carry you, we should have the collars carry you, right?

48:21 Drew Yes.

48:22 Adam God forbid you.

48:24 Drew That was angry. You've gone from fired up to resentful.

48:28 Adam We get paid the same. Exactly the same.

48:32 Drew Patricia.

48:33 Adam For talking. How many more words do I say than you and I, Drew?

48:36 Drew I dare not guess.

48:39 Caller He doesn't want to talk about not talking.

48:42 Adam That's what it is.

48:44 Drew I don't want to talk about how much you talk.

48:46 Adam Tap out code how much I talk more than you do. Yes, that's right.

48:53 Drew Patricia, go ahead.

48:54 Caller Oh yeah, I have a Germany and Florida.

48:56 Drew Okay, well, tell Trista and Ryan how to talk.

48:58 Adam Oh, see, now it's my time. Now it's okay for me to talk?

49:00 Drew It's time for you to talk.

49:01 Adam So you tell them how it works.

49:03 Drew All right, Adam and his cronies at the Kimmel, Jimmy Kimmel discovered that whenever they were discussing a story that was sort of macabre and bizarre and sort of deviant, it always seemed to emanate from Germany or Florida, every story. So we just started having a creative game where people call in and tell us the story and we tell whether that's Germany or Florida.

49:23 Adam All right, so it's time to play Germany or Florida. Go ahead, Patricia.

49:28 Caller A man was convicted for operating his electric wheelchair while drunk. His sentence, a three month ban on driving his wheelchair in any other vehicle, and a two month suspended jail sentence.

49:41 Drew Now, that's out of California. Because no way the Germans are gonna do that.

49:47 Adam You mean, what?

49:48 Drew Germans, they're all.

49:49 Adam They're all drunk?

49:51 Drew Yeah.

49:51 Adam Yeah, but they're also weird with rules, like people, wind chimes in their apartment buildings get reported and stuff. You know, they're quirky people. They got a funky frames. They got this squared off shoes with the buckles. And then there's that whole, you know, that genocide thing that people like to forget about, but still not done with them.

50:12 Drew In Florida though, a lot of old people with wheelchairs.

50:15 Adam Yeah, some booze in. I'm feeling, I'm going Florida on this. You guys, now you don't have to agree, you know.

50:24 Guest No, I think Florida.

50:25 Adam Right?

50:25 Drew Absolutely. I just don't think any other country on earth would do retarded things like that other than the United States.

50:30 Adam All right, we're going Florida. Wow, I'm really sorry. All right, we're going to, we'll send you out a windbreaker, Patricia. Jermyn, there's some sort of a FCC violation for me all these years saying we're going to send you out something and hanging up on them. Yeah.

50:52 Drew Probably.

50:52 Adam It seems like you would almost have to send out something.

50:55 Drew Yeah.

50:56 Adam But you know, FCC's got all these weird rules.

50:59 Guest Do you never send anything out?

51:00 Adam We don't have anything. There's nothing, there's nothing that says Loveline that's even been printed, right?

51:07 Drew We had the TV show used to have some, but. Those are the things that are.

51:10 Adam Stuff that says Loveline at the radio station, Loveline is written on tape. It's been stuck on to a mug or some headphones or something like that, doesn't, or may.

51:20 Guest You could do shirts that look like that.

51:22 Adam It's a quart of milk that's in the refrigerator. It's got a, that's the thing about radio stations. Radio stations, if somebody spends a buck 50 on a quart of milk, their name is written on it six or eight times, like on all four sides of it.

51:35 Caller Yeah.

51:36 Adam Yeah, you get, people get into your crap, right?

51:40 Caller You buy it and then you're there, not there the next day and someone else will take it if it's just names on it. But I think the interesting thing is that in Germany, you can drive your car as fast as you want. But not. Yet not.

51:51 Drew Not your wheelchair?

51:52 Caller Have a drink in your wheelchair.

51:53 Drew Yeah, that's weird.

51:54 Adam And by the way, if the disabled can't take a nip every once in a while, what have we come to?

52:01 Drew What are you doing in a wheelchair?

52:02 Adam I'm able-bodied and I have to drink to forget. Do you know what I'm saying?

52:05 Drew Yeah, of course.

52:06 Adam Yeah.

52:07 Caller And how does he get around now?

52:09 Adam Yeah. I don't know.

52:11 Drew This whole story is bizarre.

52:14 Adam Let's talk to Bill, who's 20. Bill? Yes. What's happening? You know what I like on the radio station with the FCC rules? I like when they do caller number 179 is going to win the tickets to Cheap Trick. And then they're like, and my whole thing, like if I ran a radio station, I'd just say, caller 179 is going to win. And I'd just wait about 20 minutes. Right. And I'd probably pick up the phone and go, all right, you're 178, sorry. And then the next one, say you're 179. I'd probably do two calls. They got these poor interns. They sit there and they're like 19, 20, you call 21. And I always think to myself, why do you go into the 70s if you're going to make the poor idiot go through every, just make it five or three. They do it, Chris, you do that once in a while, right? They do like, they get into the 80s and the guy has to answer every single phone and go, 71, 72, 73, yeah, just do it. Just get the first caller that gets in. We're going to start our own station up in Vail. Bill?

53:21 Caller Yep.

53:22 Adam You're 20?

53:23 Caller Yes, I am.

53:24 Adam What's happening?

53:30 Guest Everyone says that.

53:31 Drew Yeah, which is bizarre, is it not? We've called a live radio talk show.

53:36 Adam You've been on hold for- 82 minutes, Bill.

53:41 Caller It's amazing, yeah.

53:43 Caller Well, I got kind of a senseless question here, but about a week ago, I was masturbating and I must have been doing it too hard or something because I tore the little piece of skin right under the, yeah, it's a frenulum, right?

54:09 Drew Yeah, a frenulum, under the head.

54:10 Adam A frenulum is anything that connects anything, right? You got one under your tongue?

54:13 Caller Right.

54:15 Drew Are you circumcised?

54:16 Adam What if I took the one I have on my penis and push it against the one you have under your tongue?

54:20 Drew That's disgusting.

54:21 Caller Thank you.

54:22 Guest Adam.

54:22 Adam I was just saying what if, I didn't say I was gonna do it. But like frenulum meets frenulum.

54:28 Drew Is that your new porn?

54:30 Adam The frenulum factor, yeah.

54:33 Drew Just call you frenulum.

54:34 Adam Yeah, all right.

54:36 Drew Frenulum.

54:36 Adam Where else you got a frenulum? What about between your fingers? Not really?

54:42 Drew It's a bit taxed down.

54:46 Adam Keep an eye out for other frenuums.

54:49 Drew And so are you circumcised?

54:51 Caller Yeah.

54:52 Drew All right. And so what's your question?

54:54 Caller Well, I'm just wondering if that's like a big deal or not at all.

55:00 Drew Well, if it gets infected, it's a big deal, but otherwise not a big deal. Well, you've not been sexually active lately, right?

55:07 Caller No.

55:10 Adam Listen, you don't beat off that feverishly when you're getting laid consistently. I mean, you don't have at yourself with the kind of zest and vigor that Bill...

55:21 Drew Verve.

55:21 Adam I mean, he was actually tore his penis off. He was going at himself so hard. He's actually getting laid. He's banging it. Well, he's got a couple of stewardesses coming in town this way.

55:30 Drew The reason I ask is that any painful sores on the penis can be sort of a sexually transmitted disease. It may be something that's already going and he's sort of irritated it when he masturbated. But no, okay. It's not just a mechanical thing. Just keep it clean, proxide maybe. And hopefully it will heal. Okay?

55:48 Caller It was bugging me for a couple of weeks.

55:52 Adam Wait a minute. I thought this happened last week.

55:54 Caller Well, it did. It was bugging me, but then it finally went this past week.

56:02 Drew You have to stop masturbating, Bill, and then heal.

56:04 Caller Well, exactly. But, you know, I'm young.

56:08 Adam Well, how long does he have to stay off it?

56:11 Drew So it heals completely. I mean, there are other... Oh, boy.

56:14 Adam What? What can you do?

56:16 Drew I'm just saying there are other parts he can stimulate. You know what I'm saying?

56:21 Adam Put something up his ass?

56:22 Drew No, I mean there's...

56:24 Adam What are you talking about?

56:25 Drew I'm just saying there...

56:26 Adam Oh, he doesn't have to work that.

56:27 Drew Right.

56:29 Adam With me it's like if I ain't working head, I'm working sack. I don't have a lot in between.

56:34 Drew Yeah, I didn't want to insinuate that with old Bill.

56:38 Adam Bill, do you have something in between that you can work?

56:41 Caller Something in between...

56:43 Adam Something in between the frenulum and then where it dies in your belly. You know what I mean? Because that's a part you can work.

56:50 Caller Sure.

56:52 Adam Alright, well focus on that part.

56:54 Drew Just let it heal completely. It's going to be an area... It's easy to get these things re-injured. Wear a condom. It's not that you can do. It might...

57:01 Adam When you're masturbating?

57:02 Drew Hey listen, that would not hurt a guy to train a little bit with a condom on.

57:06 Adam Yes, Trista.

57:07 Guest Wouldn't that make it worse?

57:09 Drew No, so protect it.

57:11 Adam Yeah. That's a very...

57:14 Guest Although I know nothing about that.

57:18 Adam Masturbating with a condom on is a very lonely picture.

57:24 Drew Yeah, I know, but think of it as training.

57:25 Adam Blowing out the candles of your own birthday cake that you made for yourself.

57:29 Drew Preparing, training.

57:32 Adam They're a pathetic sight. Beating off into a condom. And his buddy's got to show up the next day and see the spent condom in the bathroom can. Like, hey, buddy, finally, the drought is... No, I was beating off. I'm sorry.

57:49 Drew He's training, drilling.

57:50 Adam Birthday's coming up. Do you want to do the cake thing alone or...?

57:53 Drew Prepare to get used to it. It feels like with the condom on, so we'll be sure to practice careful, safe sex.

57:59 Adam I'm going to play a little solitaire, blow out the candles in my cake and then beat off into a condom. And then do that thing where I go to the park and practice playing tennis against that wall. Yeah, that'll be it. I got me and my lone wolf. Beat off into a condom. I'm that breed of cat. Pat? I'm a rambling man. I can't stay long. I don't got time for loving. I got to beat off into a condom. Now, do you put the condom on or you just aim real good?

58:32 Drew No, I keep it on.

58:34 Adam Pat? Yes? You're 20? Yes, I am. What's up?

58:40 Caller Well, I have a few...

58:41 Adam Let me say this. If I beat off into a condom and I threw the condom in the garbage can and somebody showed up and said like, hey, whoa, looks like somebody had a good night. You'd go all in. I'd have to go with it. If my wife showed up and saw it in the Spendcom, I'd still, I'd just be like, what are you going to do? At least I put a condom on. Let's go to therapy. I could not admit that. It's actually, I was beating off. I was crying. I blew out the cake. I was beating off into a condom. I don't care walked in, my mom, my wife, clergy, gym coach, everyone could all walk in. Be like, no, I did it. I had a hooker in here. That's why I used a condom. You know, you couldn't admit it. What are we talking about, Pat? Yes. Pat?

59:29 Caller Yes.

59:30 Adam You're 20?

59:31 Caller Yes, I am.

59:32 Adam What's up?

59:33 Caller I have a fiance that I'm going to be getting married to in about 16 weeks. Now, I noticed when we first started going out that the first time we had sex, she had inverted nipples. Didn't really bother me because, you know, I love her for who she is, but now that we're coming down to the point to where we're making a serious commitment, I'm just wondering if that is something that I should bring up to her and ask about. Is it something that could affect her? And on top of all that, if we decide to have kids, is that something that's going to affect breastfeeding?

1:00:02 Drew What do you mean you want to ask her about it?

1:00:04 Caller Well, I'm not... Because of the fact that, you know, her and I are becoming into a marriage, you know...

1:00:09 Drew What are you going to ask her? Hey, when are you going to do something about your nip? I mean, what are you going to ask her?

1:00:13 Caller Well, I was just thinking about, you know, hey, do you know if that's going to cause a problem for when we have a kid?

1:00:19 Adam Yeah, you got to know.

1:00:21 Guest Has she ever talked about it yet?

1:00:23 Adam Maybe her nip...

1:00:23 Drew Just relax. It's not anything she can do anything about, and it's not going to be a problem, okay?

1:00:29 Caller It doesn't bother me at all. I'm just wondering... Is that going to cause a problem for a child?

1:00:34 Adam Yeah, what about that?

1:00:35 Drew What did I just say?

1:00:36 Adam Yeah, but what about it?

1:00:37 Drew It's not a problem.

1:00:38 Adam Why not?

1:00:39 Drew They come out. They can be teased out. No problem.

1:00:42 Adam Really? Oh, they can. Yeah. I mean, you know, if she was with the right guys, they'd probably come out. And look at it this way. Maybe the rest of her is just inside out. Maybe the nipples are going the right direction, and the rest of her is going the wrong direction.

1:01:01 Caller That's a scary thought.

1:01:04 Adam Well, they can get teased out.

1:01:06 Caller Yeah, yeah.

1:01:07 Drew A lot of women have that. It's not a big deal.

1:01:09 Adam Drew, what about... I know this doesn't... It doesn't sound medical, but like a shop vac or something that's got a...

1:01:15 Drew I don't think you need anything like that.

1:01:17 Adam You don't?

1:01:17 Drew No. The child will serve that function.

1:01:20 Adam And they could surgically...

1:01:22 Drew Yes, they can. If there's really a problem. If there's a lot of irritation, that kind of thing.

1:01:26 Adam Is there such a thing as not having a nipple, though? It's not inverted. It's just not there. Do you know what I'm saying?

1:01:33 Drew No?

1:01:34 Guest Because people have extra ones.

1:01:36 Drew Yep.

1:01:36 Adam Yeah. They should donate their superfluous nipple to women with... Hi, I'm Dr. Drew Pinsky. You know, we do a lot of kidding on the radio. But one thing that's not funny is inverted nipple. I'm asking those of you with superfluous nipples to donate those nipples. Yes. Give these...

1:01:54 Drew Give freely.

1:01:55 Adam Yeah. Do you know the humiliation of not having any response to a cold wind when you're wearing a halter top or not being able to breastfeed or not being able to know your husband, let your husband know you're sexually excited by him? Yeah. Drew, a little PSA. Because they do cut out those superfluous nipples sometimes, right?

1:02:17 Drew Yes, yes.

1:02:17 Adam Yeah, they do.

1:02:18 Drew The superfluous one.

1:02:19 Guest Not the real one.

1:02:21 Adam They keep two and then they get rid of whatever is above two.

1:02:24 Drew The two, they're parallel, not the two, they're linear. Right.

1:02:29 Adam But the third, they always head down, right?

1:02:31 Drew Yes, yes. Head down. There's a nipple line when you're developing. Just like a dog has. We share that with the mammals.

1:02:38 Adam Oh, we do? Yeah. And so it just didn't go away.

1:02:43 Drew Or fully away.

1:02:44 Adam Hey, but good times. You want to do another Germany or Florida? Yeah. We got to get back on that horse, right? We got to win one. Jennifer?

1:02:52 Caller Yeah?

1:02:52 Adam All right. We're on the comeback trail, so give us your Germany or Florida.

1:02:58 Caller The court in southern town of Blank wrote that social services did not extend to satisfying the 43-year-old's sexual needs after he attempted to sue his local welfare office because it had refused to finance his appetite for prostitutes and porn.

1:03:15 Drew Sounds a little German.

1:03:19 Adam Yeah, it's, you know, the welfare sounds very Floridian, but the suing the boldness sounds German. We got burnt when going Florida last time.

1:03:30 Drew I'm gonna go with you, whatever you say.

1:03:31 Adam Really? You do that every time. That puts so much pressure on me. What do you guys think?

1:03:36 Guest I mean, I... I didn't understand it.

1:03:38 Caller She said southern town. I'm going Florida.

1:03:39 Adam Oh, she said southern town.

1:03:41 Drew Say that again, Jennifer.

1:03:43 Adam Well, she's not gonna scrub twice, is she?

1:03:46 Caller Okay, the court in the southern town of Blank ruled that the social services did not extend to satisfying the 43-year-old's sexual needs after he attempted to sue his local welfare office because they had refused to finance his appetite for prostitutes and porn.

1:04:02 Drew All right. Welfare office? Do we have...

1:04:05 Guest Welfare offices?

1:04:06 Adam Yeah, we have.

1:04:07 Drew But I mean...

1:04:08 Adam Southern... Well, the southern town, but that could just be southern of wherever we are.

1:04:12 Drew Yeah.

1:04:13 Guest All right.

1:04:14 Adam So where are we going? It's bold enough for Germany.

1:04:17 Drew Weird enough for Florida, though.

1:04:19 Guest I'm going Germany.

1:04:21 Adam I'm going Germany, too. We're all going Germany.

1:04:24 Caller I'm going Florida.

1:04:28 Adam That is a bold man. All right, Jennifer, what is it?

1:04:32 Caller It is Germany.

1:04:36 Adam You see what happens when you defy your woman?

1:04:39 Caller I should know by now.

1:04:41 Adam Wow. All right. A very valuable lesson was learned there, but well, only Ryan actually learned a valuable lesson. Jennifer?

1:04:48 Caller Yeah?

1:04:48 Adam Thank you. Feels good. Feels good to come back. Really would have been behind the Germany or Florida age wall there. Yeah, because we're bad about 850 on these. Well, I know the reason why. Most of our callers are so stupid that they'll say like Helmut von Hansburg, or they'll say Stuttgart.

1:05:06 Drew They'll literally say, there was a German guy.

1:05:11 Adam Octoberfest may have broke out in the town of Mainz. It's like, okay, we're going to Germany and we're such idiots and we're really so shallow that we still look at it as a great victory for us. Even though the guy's name was Helmut, we're still going to Germany and we're feeling pretty good about ourselves. That's true. That's great about the show that way.

1:05:32 Guest It could be an immigrant.

1:05:35 Adam If we had smarter, see now smarter callers would twist it up a little.

1:05:39 Drew Floridian named Helmut.

1:05:40 Adam Yeah. Tina?

1:05:43 Yeah.

1:05:44 Adam You're 18?

1:05:45 Caller Yeah.

1:05:46 Adam What's up?

1:05:47 Caller Actually, the thing is, I have a thing for this guy. He's 10 years older than I am and he has a girlfriend. They've been going out for probably about eight months now, but I really have a strong attraction for him and I think that he might be attracted to me, too, if they stared at him.

1:06:04 Drew How do you know this guy?

1:06:07 Caller He's just mutual friends.

1:06:10 Adam And he has a girlfriend?

1:06:12 Caller Yeah.

1:06:13 Drew And what has he done to lead you to believe that he's interested in you? Oh, except for that. Well, now you mention it.

1:06:20 Caller I didn't want to put it out there, but yeah, a couple of times.

1:06:23 Drew A couple of times? Oh, okay. Well, slow down. I'm trying to figure out what led you to believe that he was interested in you. It's unbelievable. Tina, so this guy's an idiot. This guy's an ass. He has a girlfriend. He's sleeping around. It's somebody ten years younger than him. And you're sleeping with him and wondering if he's into you. Of course, he's made no move to leave his girlfriend, which of course he won't. He's an idiot.

1:06:47 Adam What about that? Yeah. What about him leaving?

1:06:49 Guest Don't waste your time.

1:06:50 Adam Leaving his girlfriend. You think he might leave her? Well, doesn't he make you any kind of promises, at least when he's trying to get on top of you? He doesn't say anything about leaving his girlfriend?

1:07:03 Caller Actually, the funny thing about it is this is going to sound really bad on my part, but I'm normally the one who instigates it, and I know this sounds horrible, but it's not so much because I don't want you to think that it's like him taking advantage of me. I'm so young, all that, and pretty much he said that he would have been with me. I had, it was like an age thing, and that's why he's with her, so.

1:07:25 Drew Look, you're instigating it just means you're a trauma survivor and just reenacting your traumas from the past. That's what that means, and this guy is an exploitative, willing partner. That's all. A good guy would not do this.

1:07:39 Adam All right, but look, how long is he married or is it just his girlfriend?

1:07:43 Guest Oh, no, no, no, no.

1:07:46 Adam Yeah, and he-

1:07:46 Guest That doesn't make it any better.

1:07:48 Adam No. Well, it makes it marginally better.

1:07:50 Guest Well, yeah, marginally.

1:07:53 Adam Hey, Tina, so this guy has made no promises of breaking up with anybody.

1:07:59 Guest No.

1:08:01 Caller What? What? He's kind of like stuck in his-

1:08:05 Drew No, he's not stuck. He's not stuck. He's not willing to leave. You have got yourself- you've done exactly what you set out to do. You've set yourself up and connected with an unavailable guy. Just the way your dad was.

1:08:19 Adam What is that? I love that white trash gene where they just blame it on the other chick or they blame it on their sister. They really listen to all these guys. Yes, where's your dad, Tina?

1:08:30 Caller Oh, he's in my life very much, so.

1:08:32 Drew Yeah, well when was he out?

1:08:34 Caller He hasn't been actually- I've lived with him my whole life.

1:08:37 Adam You really have?

1:08:38 Caller Yeah, he raised me.

1:08:40 Adam Is he an alcoholic?

1:08:41 Caller No, he's actually a great dad.

1:08:44 Drew Where's your mom?

1:08:46 Caller She's in the picture, too. They're divorced, but she's in the picture.

1:08:49 Drew People don't talk about their parents as in the picture.

1:08:53 Caller I don't know. I mean, I'm 18 years old. I don't really like, you know, they raised me. They both raised me, just not together.

1:09:00 Adam Why was your mom not around?

1:09:02 Caller Just, she, they divorced when I was like six, so she was kind of, obviously not going to be, you know, living with my dad. We weren't all living under one roof, but-

1:09:12 Adam I don't know. I don't know. You did? So they just lived in the same town, and you went a few days here and a few days there?

1:09:21 Caller Yeah, pretty much.

1:09:22 Drew No, what exactly did you do?

1:09:24 Caller No, I live with my dad the most, but I'd go and see my mom whenever we wanted to.

1:09:29 Drew Which was how often?

1:09:30 Caller How often? I mean, I guess not a normal person, a normal family or whatever that's supposed to be would be, but not a significant one.

1:09:44 Adam Does she have any problems? Is she into drugs or anything?

1:09:47 Caller No. Neither of my parents are like that at all. I think that they like it.

1:09:52 Drew Well, this could be one of those things.

1:09:54 Adam Yeah, there's a thing.

1:09:55 Caller There's got to be something here.

1:09:57 Adam What does your dad do for a living? Ah, aha. The small business owner. I knew it.

1:10:09 Drew You said it all along.

1:10:11 Caller I can always tell.

1:10:13 Adam What kind of business is your dad in?

1:10:15 Caller I really don't want to say because this is girlfriend's listening. I don't want to put up with all that. All right.

1:10:20 Drew Here's the deal. You may just be, if there's something here, fine. We can't get to it. But there is a thing that many women go through between 18 and 22 about needing the unavailable man. They need to set that up and do it until they've had enough of that and then they get on with a life. And you may be going through that phase. That's possible. But you've done it. You've set it up. Now, realize what you said. I know.

1:10:41 Adam You should get to get the little dig on dad's girlfriend. I know.

1:10:45 Drew Well, I like, they're in my life. They're in the picture. They both raise me. They're in the picture.

1:10:50 Adam They're both in the picture. Yeah. My dad, he's wearing a burnt orange blazer and my mom's over there in the picture. She's wearing a sundress. That's a picture. Yeah. Something was, something was-

1:11:04 Drew It might not have been horrible, you know.

1:11:06 Adam It wasn't great. All right. But what she's doing, it's not like she's, you know- Tying off, doing a speed ball and then, you know, making a gang bang move here. I think she's just caught up with that guy. She just-

1:11:18 Guest She just likes a boy.

1:11:20 Adam She's too naive to understand-

1:11:22 Drew What he's up to.

1:11:23 Adam Yeah. All right.

1:11:24 Caller All right.

1:11:25 Adam All right, we are going to let Trista and Ryan go because they were supposed to only stay here until the top of the hour, but Drew got going on his highway patrol rant.

1:11:33 Drew I'm sorry.

1:11:34 Adam And they were so excited about playing Germany or Florida that they wanted to stay another break. All right. Well, get them t-shirts. They're going to be Nordstrom.

1:11:44 Drew Are they t-shirts or-

1:11:45 Guest Saks Fifth Avenue.

1:11:46 Adam Saks Fifth Avenue. Yeah, t-shirts. Yeah. And- And some of the money, some of the money, a large- A portion of the Pro Seeds will go to Girls Incorporated. Yes. A very worthy cost. Well, Mazel Tov on your wedding. They'll probably throw that one around the veil, Firehouse, quite a bit. Mazel Tov.

1:12:10 Mazel Tov, yeah.

1:12:13 Adam Oh, yeah, Lou, he's a mensch. He detailed the fire engine yesterday. Didn't even have to ask him. All right. We will take ourselves a little break. God bless. May your marriage go on for a thousand years. Well, at least, you know, whatever normal life expectancy is. For 45, 50 years more?

1:12:35 Caller All right. 50, 55.

1:12:37 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:12:42 Caller Love Line with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:12:44 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:12:47 Caller How? How?

1:13:02 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. Trista and Ryan have left the building. Delightful couple.

1:13:13 Drew That Ryan liked you.

1:13:15 Adam These good people. I think we're bros. Go out to the, uh, go out to the, you know, house, firehouse there, hang out with the boys. You work nine days out of the month. That's solid, right? Everyone loves you. And when's the last time anyone complained about a fire, fire person? Oh, those lazy firemen.

1:13:37 Drew Never.

1:13:38 Adam Oh, look at them sitting. By the way, as a fireman, you get to sit around all day and no one comes in and goes, hey, what the F? What's going on? Hey, get up. Hey, put, stop playing ping pong and get busy.

1:13:50 Caller Start putting some fires out.

1:13:52 Adam It's like, it's, it's one of these jobs where, hey, if there's a fire, you're working. But if there's not, no one says anything. Like no one else has those jobs. It'd be like, hey, we got a job.

1:14:00 Caller We're doing a radio show.

1:14:01 Adam No one called in tonight. Drew, play some foosball and eat. Let's watch some TV. Let's just wait around. Now, granted, when something happens, it's dangerous, it's exciting. You got to move. But you're around. I mean, the bell goes off. You're probably, probably glad you've been putzing around half the day, right? And then for this, yeah, you get the next, next 20 days out of the month, you'll be getting off. That's on a shortish month, too. Yeah. There you go. Joanna?

1:14:38 Yeah.

1:14:39 Adam You're 17?

1:14:40 Caller Yeah.

1:14:40 Adam What's happening?

1:14:42 Caller Well, I had a question about the abortion pill, well, the EC pill.

1:14:47 Adam Wait a minute. You want to know about-

1:14:49 Drew Are you 486? Or do you want to know about emergency contraception?

1:14:52 Caller No, I took, I'm just 17, but I took the EC pill and-

1:14:57 Drew Not, not RU486?

1:14:58 Caller No.

1:15:00 Drew No, I didn't say RU486.

1:15:03 Adam She's 17, Drew. She's not 46. 46 year old would be heading into menopause, it would be difficult for her to get pregnant.

1:15:09 Drew Use her head, bro. RU486 is an abortion pill.

1:15:12 Adam Sweetie, we're going to need to see some ID. Hold on. Who's on first?

1:15:21 Drew She can't follow. Go ahead, what's the question?

1:15:23 Caller I just wanted to know if the EC pill is actually a form of an abortion pill.

1:15:28 Drew No.

1:15:28 Adam No. That's emergency contraception.

1:15:31 Drew Right, as opposed to RU486, which is an abortion pill. The what's that?

1:15:39 Caller Well, not so long ago, after I took the pill, Planned Parenthood actually went to my school and they were talking about the EC pill and the spokesperson said that it's a form of abortion.

1:15:53 Adam No, they did.

1:15:54 Drew Who was the spokesperson?

1:15:55 Caller I have no idea. She just went to our school and she was talking about...

1:15:59 Drew The way it works is it works by suppressing ovulation.

1:16:02 Adam Why would they have said that?

1:16:04 Drew They wouldn't have said that. Listen, there's a lot of confusion about how it works.

1:16:08 Adam Yeah, but not from the people at Planned Parenthood.

1:16:11 Drew Who knows? Be that as it may, that it has a theoretic possibility of interfering with implantation, much the same as your birth control taken every day, much the same as several anti-inflammatory agents. So, although its predominant effect is on ovulation, like every other form of contraception, the theoretic possibility of it interfering with implantation, some people like to make a lot of. But if you want to make something of that, you'd have to make something of it for all the products, including anti-inflammatories and birth control pills that you take every day. So really you'd have to get rid of all those things if you're going to say that it's completely unacceptable and definitely an abortion if there's even a theoretic possibility of interfering with implantation.

1:16:56 Adam Joanne, did the woman from Planned Parenthood say it was a form of abortion or did somebody from like the Young Republicans Club raise their hand and say isn't this pill nothing more than an abortion pill?

1:17:10 Caller No, because it was brought up in class, they were asking and I think somebody had actually asked if it was.

1:17:16 Drew That's what Adam is saying.

1:17:18 Caller Well yeah, they did and the lady said that, well as a matter of fact it is because of...

1:17:24 Adam Now she says a matter of fact it is. Could that have happened?

1:17:28 Drew I don't know.

1:17:29 Adam Hey, isn't this an abortion pill? Well as a matter of fact it is. Do you think that ever happened?

1:17:34 Drew Well because Planned Parenthood doesn't shrink from abortion, you know what I mean? I mean their thing is abortion or not, it doesn't matter, whatever, it's all good.

1:17:41 Adam I love what Planned Parenthood is doing, but they're such idiots sending those supermodels over to Congress.

1:17:47 Drew And we had some problems with them at one point too, I mean it's like know who your friends are.

1:17:52 Adam I just remember, remember we had some supermodel in here and she was sent by Planned Parenthood to go talk in front of Congress and she had no idea what she was talking about.

1:18:01 Drew Well finally she went, I just read the script over and over again.

1:18:04 Adam And she starts to find about it too, it's like listen, I'm a model. That's the underwriting theme for every model conversation, I'm a model, what do you want? You want I should crack a book and learn something like you ugly people, please, give me a break. Why bother with that nonsense, I'm a model. But yeah, Planned Parenthood could, I applaud what they're trying to do but they need some wayvo.

1:18:29 Drew Well they also need some skill and knowledge in what they're talking about.

1:18:35 Adam Yeah. You're going to get close.

1:18:40 Drew Maybe not though.

1:18:44 Adam Hey, what's happening?

1:18:46 Caller Hi, I just got a real fast question for you guys.

1:18:48 Adam All right, you're 19, you're calling from Utah.

1:18:54 Caller Okay, well I was, I had a question.

1:18:56 Drew Turn your radio down, turn your radio down.

1:18:58 Caller Okay, turn the radio down.

1:19:02 Adam That's all right.

1:19:03 Drew Are you a Mormon?

1:19:04 Caller No.

1:19:08 Adam I'm just laughing because that's a drop that Engineer Anderson, that's about 100% strike zone rate on that one. Everyone always answers. Go ahead, Nicole.

1:19:19 Caller Okay, every time me and my boyfriend have sex and when I masturbate, I can orgasm, but whenever he goes down on me, I can't ever do it.

1:19:29 Adam Oh, my God.

1:19:31 Drew But this is that multiple orgasm again. This is how women are when they're multiple orgasm.

1:19:36 Adam So no orgasm via oral sex.

1:19:39 Caller No orgasms during oral sex, no.

1:19:42 Drew But multiple during intercourse. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

1:19:45 Adam Oh, this is awesome. You know what that's like? That's like having a girlfriend that's like, well, I love peanuts, but I only eat the shell. So I got all these delightful roasted salted things. This is byproduct for me. So I'm going to crack all these and just eat this. I just eat the husk part. You want the peanut? I can feed them to you. Oh, I have these crazy multiple orgasms that make you feel like Superman when I'm on top of her. But going down, no need for that.

1:20:15 Drew Nobody, nobody sort of discusses this. But again, the female sexual responses across the spectrum and each woman is different. Nicole represents probably less than 10% of women, maybe even less than five. Yeah. Who are multiple orgasmic with intercourse, but feel uncomfortable, like oral sex is just sort of uncomfortable.

1:20:34 Adam And when Drew says represents, he doesn't mean your spokesperson for those multi-orgasmic women. You're gonna have to hit the circuit. So you have, so nothing during, does oral sex feel good to you?

1:20:48 Caller Yeah, it feels good, but I can't orgasm.

1:20:51 Adam All right. And by the way, does that need to be a goal now that you can have these multiple orgasms through intercourse?

1:20:58 Caller Yes, of course.

1:21:00 Drew See, that's the whole thing. Remember the girl we talked to last week?

1:21:03 Adam Yeah.

1:21:03 Drew They sound a lot like that.

1:21:04 Adam They're effervescent. They're vivacious.

1:21:09 Caller They laugh a lot.

1:21:10 Adam Why shouldn't they be happy to have an orgasm every 28 minutes? I mean, look at those women who never have an orgasm. Think what happens to them. They get that weird short cropped hair, and they start putting chains on their glasses, and they walk around looking like they bit into something bitter. You know what I mean? Picture the woman that doesn't have the orgasm. They're angry.

1:21:30 Drew Interesting.

1:21:30 Adam Resentful. You know what I mean? Look at these. The ones that do. They're the bells of the ball. Walking through life like they're on nitrous.

1:21:43 Caller I just, when I laugh, I have, it's a vicious cycle. You'd be happy too.

1:21:53 Adam They're having them at the gym. They have, like, you know, when they sit in a car, they have, you know, well, the way, you know, when they push the clutch in, it gives me an orgasm. Having them all over the place. Look, here's the thing in life. Don't chase the one that doesn't come easily.

1:22:12 Drew Don't chase the one that doesn't fit with your body, your physiology.

1:22:16 Adam And in women, the women... It's a mitzvah, Adam. Drew loves the Yiddish. The thing is, is the women who can't have an orgasm via intercourse and have been...

1:22:33 Drew Which is everybody...

1:22:34 Adam .chasing that Moby Dick for, you know, 20 years plus, would trade a million of their oral sex ones for one of your vaginal ones. Just be glad. Yes?

1:22:48 Drew How you work, it's good.

1:22:49 Adam It's good.

1:22:51 Drew You're exceptional.

1:22:52 Adam Yeah. Now, though, Drew, wouldn't you say that the woman... If you had to bet on... Here's what I'm saying. You got two women. They're 19. One of them is having orgasm through intercourse. The other one is only having orgasm through oral sex. You got to give one of them an orgasm, the kind that they don't normally get. You definitely go the oral route, right? I mean, you get the one who can't. Right? That's an easier safe to crack. You feel... You're thinking, like when a chick is saying a multiply orgasmic through intercourse, but nothing through oral sex, you think yourself a rookie. You got a man down there. He'll give you one. I suck one out of you. Believe me, I get on you. I get something. You know what I'm saying? You hear, can't have one through.

1:23:43 Caller You're like, sorry sweetie.

1:23:46 Adam Yeah. Hey, good luck. I got to go.

1:23:50 Drew Because you know that's not going to happen.

1:23:52 Adam No, because you know there's been guys there that have been trying a lot harder more than what you got left in your loins. And it ain't happening. The other one, you're just like, well, I could dial you in. I could show you.

1:24:05 Drew All right.

1:24:06 Adam Let's take a little break. Drew, supreme man of passion. Yes?

1:24:12 Drew Yes.

1:24:13 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Melinda Clark is coming in here from the OC and then Ty Pennington is coming in here on Tuesday. Drew, can we do something on the show? We gotta look up, we gotta get some sort of contractors test challenge or something. I must challenge Ty Pennington. He seems to know what he's doing. He does that extreme show, it was on tonight, I T-vote it. I really do enjoy it. I don't know, Drew, I don't know everything. I don't know every code and all that stuff. A lot of stuff to know.

1:25:26 Drew We'll see.

1:25:26 Adam What are you gonna do? Corey?

1:25:29 Drew Why don't we just take calls from listeners? Let's see if you could answer.

1:25:32 Adam If our listeners weren't retards, we could do it. You know what I mean? When's the last time someone called in with anything that we've asked them to do? Yeah, Adam, you're wrong about the backfiring.

1:25:46 Caller You said that it is, you.

1:25:48 Adam Didn't they say exactly what I said? Right. Just about?

1:25:53 Drew Yes.

1:25:54 Adam But they start off with, you're totally off with about.

1:25:57 Drew No, they started with, I was shocked to hear you so far.

1:26:01 Adam I was shocked and dismayed. I almost dropped my bomb. Yeah, and then they tell you whatever you said about whatever it is.

1:26:08 Drew Yep.

1:26:11 Adam Then you go, give us a home improvement question. Ask something, but not plumbing or electrical. Why is this something about carpentry or woodworking? My dog went number one on my carpet. I want to know how to get the stain. That's about the best you can do, right? You understand? These people cannot be relied on for anything. Not even rides to the airport. Remember that debacle? Oh. Oh yeah.

1:26:38 Drew How stupid were we?

1:26:39 Adam How stupid was me?

1:26:41 Drew I know.

1:26:42 Adam How stupid was you?

1:26:43 Drew I was supportive of this whole thing. That was weird.

1:26:46 Adam I tried to get a listener to take me to the airport one time, long before we were in this studio, before we knew you, Chris. But here's the problem with trying to get the listener to... I told Drew he had to pick me up because we're going out of town. Drew refused. Now here's Drew's solution. We had a 7 a.m. flight out of LAX, which meant if you want to leave, you gotta leave about 5, 15, 5.30 in the morning. I told Drew, swing by and pick me up on your way to the airport. Drew said, I got a better plan. Come home with me tonight, sleep on my sofa, and then you can wait in the car while I make my rounds at the hospital at 4.30 in the morning.

1:27:33 Drew That's right.

1:27:33 Adam Which I replied, well, will you crack the windows so I can get some fresh air in the car like a dog? How dare you? I'm literally a millionaire.

1:27:42 Drew At that point, you weren't quite yet.

1:27:44 Adam I was literally becoming a millionaire. I was literally at the point where I was soon to be saying literally a millionaire.

1:27:50 Drew You're saying millionaire, but not literally.

1:27:51 Adam So I said, I'm not driving myself to the airport. This is a slap in the face and a challenge. I'll have a dedicated listener.

1:27:59 Drew Yes. And then you met her that night, right? Didn't she show up or something?

1:28:03 Adam No, I spoke, I screened, I said, I want a girl.

1:28:07 Drew Yeah.

1:28:07 Adam I want some weird guy. Actually, I know, I see, you know, get a corn hold by the side of freeware.

1:28:12 Drew You never met this girl. We never met her.

1:28:13 Adam Never met her. Said, I said, you need to be a female. You know, women are more responsible than men, but I'll tell you one thing women have difficulty with.

1:28:22 Drew Getting up.

1:28:23 Caller They do not wake up.

1:28:26 Adam Here's the deal. And this is why men get paid a dollar for every 70 cents you guys get paid. We can go out boozing and stripper chasing and doing debauchery and drugs till two, three in the morning. That alarm clock goes off at 6.45.

1:28:42 Caller We're up.

1:28:43 Adam We're showing up at work. We're green. We may heave at some point, but we show up. Chicks, they wake up, they look at the alarm, they slap the snooze bar twice, then the phone call. Yeah, I'm sick. And they don't go into work. That's why we get that extra 30 cents. Okay, now, I said she had to pick me up at 515 at my house. I didn't want to tell her exactly where I lived, so I made the mistake of telling her, meet me down on the street. There's about 700 stairs down from my house. And it was raining, and it was dark, and Drew and I were going to Florida. And I sat down there with my week's worth of luggage in the rain, in the dark night, staying about 530 in the morning, standing there.

1:29:23 Drew Was that the Florida trip?

1:29:24 Adam Yeah. Yeah, we were doing a gig that had 8,000 people. 8,000 or 9,000 people waiting for us. And we were just going to make it on time. So I waited. I walked up and down the street. I left my luggage on the street. I jogged up one way. At a certain point, about 610, 615, I realized this sea wasn't coming. Lugged all my stuff up, trucking it up the wet stairs. And then throwing it into the car, speeding like a maniac to the airport, running like OJ in the Hertz commercial through the airport. Get to the terminal, get to the thing. It's the furthest one out there. Drew is on the plane. Drew has just stepped off the plane. Yes, waiting for me. The plane is there. We have first class tickets to let us on the plane. And now you'll not be getting on the plane. But the plane is there. People are walking, staff members are walking in and out of the plane. We got first class now.

1:30:24 Drew We have policy.

1:30:26 Caller We've been arguing for 10 minutes. We could have been on the plane.

1:30:29 Adam Yep.

1:30:29 Drew No, that's exactly what you said.

1:30:31 Adam Not going to do it. And then I said to the woman or the man actually, something I think that confused her more than anything because I was in a lather at that point. And I yelled, get me the guy from the commercial. Remember that? And they said, what do you mean the guy from the commercial? The helpful guy, the friendly guy, the guy who chases the guy with his briefcase that he left back at the terminal all the way across into the parking lot.

1:30:55 Caller The guy can't stop doing enough for you. Where is he?

1:30:58 Adam Where's the guy from the commercial? And she was like, huh?

1:31:01 Caller The helpful guy, get him.

1:31:05 Adam He's not here, he doesn't. We have a policy.

1:31:07 Caller Meanwhile, the plane is still there. It's still there and I've been on the runs for two hours.

1:31:13 Adam Now we're just gonna sit there and watch the plane back out. We're making plans about the other plane we're gonna get on, our plane is there.

1:31:22 Drew Yes.

1:31:23 Caller We're standing looking at it.

1:31:24 Drew And at insult to injury. It was a trauma we never got over, but fast forward two years, Carretham McCord, our co-host on the television show, tells the story later about how they pulled the plane back into the dock to pick her up.

1:31:37 Adam Yeah, she said she was running late and she looked through the glass and she was waving at the pilot and the pilot stopped and they came back and went and got her. Yeah, there's what a set of tatas and some blonde hair will get you, but now we're going to have a 40 minute argument while the plane is parked.

1:31:54 Drew And a real serious problem to get to Gainesville. Remember that?

1:31:58 Adam Oh yeah, oh yeah. And then Drew, Drew's wife bought him like a $1,500 cashmere blazer that was an overcoat that was on the plane. It wouldn't let you go back and get that off either. Yeah, I always like that. You know that, screw the callers tonight. But there's these policies. They're like these meter maids. And I'm calling you meter maids because you're pussies. That's what you are. You're meter maids. You're not parking enforcement. You're pussy meter maids. These guys, this is these policies like, hey, I already started riding or with the plane. Well, the door closed. Well, open the door. Hey, I already started riding. Go ahead and write void on that because now I'm here. You know, these everyone with their convenient policies, the doors closed. What do you need? A cutting torch? You need like a settling rig to get the goddamn door open?

1:32:48 Caller I just turn the hatch and open it.

1:32:51 Adam But the door closed. And then you land and you open it.

1:32:56 Caller Just open the door.

1:32:57 Adam Oh, we closed it.

1:32:59 Caller Oh, shut up.

1:33:01 Adam Everyone that they're stupid. We already started this or there's no that or we don't give the refunds on the...

1:33:08 Caller Ba-ba!

1:33:10 Adam All right, Drew. I already started riding. What the hell does that mean? And listen, you fat coos. You started riding while you're in your car before it even came to a stop. I already started riding. Yeah. All right. I'm sick. Sick of all of you tonight. Take a quick break. I'll be right back after this.

1:33:29 Caller Okay. So I know there's nothing wrong with me. So what's up?

1:33:36 Guest But I tried everything else and thought, what the hell?

1:33:44 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:33:49 Adam 1-800-LOVE-191. Well, there you go. There you go. Tomorrow night, Melinda Clark from the OC, she's gonna show us how they do it in the OC, is gonna be on. And I wanna thank Trista and Ryan for coming in tonight. Go out and get one of their T-shirts. So, until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo. We'll send you out a windbreaker, Patricia.

1:34:42 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, March 7, 2004