Episode 1000595562805

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content. The listener discretion is advised.

1:00 Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:10 Voiceover Yeah, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist, all the way back from New York City. Yeah, now, Drew can tell us why he went.

1:23 Drew No, no, I can't, cause it hasn't aired yet.

1:25 Adam I thought it aired tonight.

1:27 Drew In some parts of the country, it's airing right now, just starting to air. Oh, really? In like 20 minutes, I can tell you why. Because I will have been revealed within 20 minutes.

1:38 Adam Yeah, well, hold on a second. That show, that mystery show we're talking about, doesn't it airs at 10 o'clock at night?

1:46 Drew That's what I heard, yeah. Yeah, that's what I was told.

1:49 Adam It's, I don't want to say the name of the show and get Drew into trouble, but it's never aired at 10 o'clock at night. It's always aired at like eight o'clock at night.

1:57 Drew I know, I know.

1:58 Adam Is it an East Coast thing? It's not live.

2:00 Drew No.

2:01 Adam You should get on the internet and figure that out.

2:04 Drew Right in a second?

2:05 Adam Well, I don't know, Drew.

2:06 Drew And then I can talk about it, too.

2:07 Adam Should we be talking about? I mean, it's distracting. It's at 10 o'clock at night. Well, wait a minute. Now, oh, wait. Yeah, maybe I saw it on the East Coast feed at like 720 or something. I just missed your stuff. All right. Let's not screw this up. We'll talk about it in 18 or 19 minutes when we can, right?

2:25 Drew Yes.

2:26 Adam All right. Drew, here's the beauty of Drew and me and our relationship. Drew went to New York and he went there on a sort of a secret mission that he couldn't talk about. And the thing that was funny is, is he never had to tell me not to talk about it because I never asked why he was going to New York or I never inquired about it was the thing.

2:48 Drew I never thought to tell you. You know what I mean?

2:50 Adam You never thought to tell me it was a secret mission.

2:52 Drew And you never thought to ask. But we both were like equally culpable.

2:56 Adam Yeah, it was funny. Last night, Ant was like, yeah, Drew's there on a secret mission. Like where? Yeah? Why is he there? It's secret. Oh, now I wanted to know. But the point is, you just picked up and left to New York. I had no questions for him. All right, I cannot hear myself. Oh, now I can. I've been monitoring, I've got my knob down a little bit because I was scared whenever, whatever. We had a little technical problem at the beginning of the show. That's all right. Crack engineer Chris, he got on a blower about 9.59 and 43 seconds is when he decided it was time to actually go ahead and pick up the phone.

3:34 Drew Actually, I heard him say the fatal words, dude, we got nothing.

3:39 Adam Dude, we got nothing. And then it was funny because we're looking at the digital clock here and Drew said to Chris, hey, Chris, what's going on? And he goes, I'm working on it. And Drew goes, we got four seconds. And Chris goes, go.

4:01 Yeah.

4:01 Adam Yeah.

4:02 Drew Good thing we were sort of attuned to this kind of thing from years at Westwood One. It doesn't bother us.

4:09 Adam That's right.

4:10 What?

4:11 Is that a cheap shot on me?

4:14 Drew You also have to contend with everything over there.

4:15 Adam That's right. I mean, you, buddy.

4:17 Can I also say that I've heard stories from the producers over there that Chris blames everything on me and that's not always the case. But I hear he just yells, hey, it's Anderson's fault.

4:25 Adam No. Look, that's how it goes.

4:28 Drew Aren't you used to radio? That's how it works at radio. Yeah.

4:33 Adam Yeah. People, you know, there's a couple of S adages, like the S rolls downhill. Yeah, I agree with that, but not as good as a lot of other things would. You know what I mean? Like an avocado or an orange marble or wheelbarrow tire or something like that. It seems like if S started rolling downhill, it would gather a lot of twigs and leaves and stuff and it would eventually flatten out. Yeah. The other one I like too, it's dog can't smell his own ass. Really?

5:04 Caller Really?

5:04 Drew Why do they go over there and slip their nose in?

5:07 Adam This one, I got 45 minutes into sniffing it. Yeah, it can't smell. Can't? Really? I like the other one. There's a few good ass ones. You don't F where you ass.

5:19 Drew Right.

5:19 Adam I like that one too. That's the work one. You don't F where you ass.

5:24 Drew Really?

5:24 Adam Or is it S where you work or whatever it is.

5:27 Drew Eat where you have.

5:28 Adam Yeah, don't eat where you ass. Yeah, it's true. I don't eat in the bathroom, but it's only about six, eight feet away. And it's technically under the same roof, if you want to look at it that way. According to the city, it's on the same plot. A lot of assing going on under the same roof. A lot of eating is going on. It seems like, here's what I'm saying. The S-isms always seem a little bit off, especially the one where the dog can't smell it. All right, Drew, what time?

5:55 Drew 10 o'clock.

5:56 Adam 10 o'clock.

5:57 All right, Drew's right.

5:59 Drew The next break we'll talk about.

6:00 Adam Yeah, Drew's super secret mission to New York City, everybody.

6:04 Drew All right, you ready to go?

6:10 Adam No, I think it was exciting. I think it was flattering, too. Melanie?

6:15 Yes.

6:16 Adam You're 24?

6:17 Caller Uh-huh.

6:18 What's up?

6:19 Caller I'm 24, and there is a family history, at least my mom and I. We have both, she started Menopause when she was 24, and the same thing is happening to me now. And the doctor, the blood tests haven't come back yet, but my doctor believes that it's because I have a problem with my hypothalamus, and that would mean that there's something wrong with my brain. Well, if that's the case, that's what's wrong with my mother. She has schizophrenia, so I'm worried that, because I have the same thing, that I'm worried about my possibilities of schizophrenia, and I tried to talk to my doctor about this, and he didn't do it often.

6:55 Drew No, you don't have Menopause, in fact, but you have something called Premature Ovarian Failure. And it is effectively Menopause, because your ovaries are shutting down. Yeah, you go through a Menopausal Syndrome, but it's not Menopause, which is a natural, genetically predetermined shutdown of your ovaries. This is usually sort of an autoimmune syndrome, or part of multiple endocrine problems. So people also have thyroid conditions and hypothalamic problems, like you're talking about. So you need to see an endocrinologist, okay? Very important. It does not associate it with mental illness, to my knowledge.

7:28 Caller Okay, cause that was my concern, was that the way my doctor described it to me, was that something was wrong with my brain.

7:35 Drew No, no, it's your, think of it more as something wrong with your glands. That's just the control gland for your body that is connected to your brain, but it's really not a brain issue.

7:44 Adam Hey, you don't ask where you menstruate either.

7:46 Drew Yes.

7:46 Adam I mean, you can't smell your own tampon. Dog can't smell his own tampon. Who came up with that dog can't smell his own ass one? I want to sock that guy in the gut of all. Is it the world's worst?

8:00 Drew Yeah, it's the worst. But not only could he, he can exquisitely differentiate between his and everybody else's.

8:05 Not only can he, he eats it. He loves it so much, he eats it. You idiot.

8:12 Adam Oh, dog can't smell this. You know, I'm gonna find, I'm gonna go around and find these guys. I'm gonna find that guy. I'm gonna find the possession is a nine tenths of a law guy.

8:25 Oh, that's a long time ago.

8:27 Adam I still gotta find him. I find that guy.

8:29 Drew I find his descendants.

8:30 Adam I gotta find the guy that alerted us all the fact we're only using 3% of our brain. Dog can't smell his own ass. Here's the idea. Each guy's getting the move too. He's getting the knee.

8:45 Drew Yeah, which I just nearly got by the way.

8:47 Adam Knee to the groin, that buckles him over. Then he gets the big uppercut that straights him out. Straight out, then the flying elbow.

8:54 Drew Nice.

8:54 Adam Just, the elbow goes to the neck.

8:57 Drew Nice.

8:57 Adam That's okay. So this is the dog can't smell his own ass. Possession is nine tenths of the law, which never really meant anything other than, and by the way, of the law, so once you steal it, once you got it, it's yours? Like a high speed chase, I steal your car. Ha ha, oh no, I'm in it. Nine tenths. Maybe it's nine tenths, but that last tenth is huge. And it dwarfs the other nine.

9:23 Drew That's tenths go.

9:24 Adam It's tenths go, it's one of the bigger tenths. And then the idiot who decided we only use three or 4% of our brain make us all feel like retards.

9:33 Drew The most ridiculous aphorism ever.

9:37 Adam Ever, I spent 15 years that people tell me, you know, the other human only uses, what's the rest? What do you mean we only use?

9:46 Drew But there was always attached that was, the mysteries of the Orient were able to crack into another 30% and no, come on. It's not how the brain works to think of it that way.

9:56 Adam Well, 97% of it is just a styrofoam packing.

10:00 Drew Of course.

10:00 Adam Really, it's not, not there for anything. We don't need it. Yeah, that's why when a guy gets kicked in the head by a horse, he turns into a vegetable.

10:08 Drew Never the same.

10:08 Adam Yeah, cause it hit that 3% he's using. It always magically hits the 3%.

10:13 Drew The point is it's an integrated hole where you're using every bit of it.

10:16 Adam A lot of that used 3%. I was trying to bump my high, Drew.

10:19 Drew Heather, 20.

10:20 Adam Idiots.

10:22 Drew Hi, Heather.

10:23 Adam What's happening, baby doll?

10:25 I have a question. Well, I just need some advice on mine and my husband's relationship. Well, we've been married a year and two months, but we separated for about four or five months.

10:37 Drew How old is he?

10:38 He's 21.

10:40 Drew And why'd you get married so young? That's what they do in Texas, I guess. And she doesn't see it as young.

10:47 Adam Don't ask people confusing questions.

10:49 Drew Young? And why did you-

10:53 Everybody always asks me that.

10:55 Drew And it's like, well, why else does anyone get married?

10:57 Adam By the way, you shouldn't ask anyone that question followed up with, everyone always asks me that. It's not a great-

11:04 Drew Not a ringing endorsement of your, yeah, your case.

11:06 Adam Right.

11:06 Drew Yeah, the fact is, the reason we ask that is because the statistics on young marriages are horrible. That's why we ask that question. What's that?

11:14 Well, because we're young.

11:16 Drew Yeah, the probability of a young marriage surviving is very low.

11:19 Adam I got married young because they were young. If they'd gotten married when they were in their 30s, they wouldn't have gotten married young.

11:24 Drew Oh, I see.

11:24 All right, go ahead, Heather.

11:26 Adam We got that down.

11:27 Drew Why did you break up? Why did you have a separation?

11:30 Well, she's in the Marine Corps, and we've been having a long-distance relationship for the past two and a half years. So, I mean, it was just really stressful, and I was just basically running away from, you know, our problems, just taking the easy way out, and I just, you know, wanted to, I guess, get away.

11:50 Drew Look, Heather, you're talking in circles. What was the problems that you're running away from?

11:53 Caller That was the problem is that we-

11:55 Drew Oh, the problems were the, wait, hold on, I'll say it, I'll say it. Drew.

12:00 Caller Yeah.

12:01 Adam Why did they get married so young?

12:04 Drew Because they were young.

12:05 Adam All right, and what problem was she running away from?

12:08 Drew Well, the problem, that was the problem.

12:10 Adam Okay, all right, now we're on the same page.

12:13 Caller Okay, anyway.

12:14 Adam All right, now we got all that, now that the smoke has cleared, we understand very clearly what's going on. What is your question?

12:20 Caller Okay, well, we separated for about four or five months. And we recently just got back together about a month and a half, two months ago. And while we were separated, we both dated other people. And I dated this guy and he was half black and half white. But my husband doesn't believe in interracial relationships. And he kind of has a problem with this. And at first it was okay, but he's, I mean, just like the past week, he's been kind of weird about it. And like it's starting to really bother him.

12:52 Drew Heather, if your boyfriend had been red hair, he decided he hated red haired people.

12:56 Adam If he dated Ron Howard from Mayberry.

13:00 Drew Yeah, he decided those are people he hates. And it would really eat on him the more he was with you too, believe me.

13:07 Adam Could you screw balls, not have any kids, please? That's all we need to hear.

13:13 Drew What are you doing for birth control? What are you doing for birth control?

13:18 Caller Birth control, Bill.

13:22 Adam We just completed the cat trick, you're right. This is the trifecta.

13:27 Drew Reenactment. What are you doing for birth control?

13:30 Adam Birth control? Okay, got it, got it. So let's cover the main beats here.

13:35 Drew The problem is the problem. They got married when they were young because they were young. And she's using for birth control, birth control.

13:44 Adam She's on a birth control.

13:49 Drew That's it, the hat trick. We've never quite achieved that before. I'm very proud of you. It's a first tonight.

13:54 Adam All right, Heather.

13:56 Drew Thank you, Heather.

13:57 Adam And the kind of car you drive is an automobile?

14:03 Caller A 96 Dodge Ram.

14:06 Adam See, see now that's something she knows. Heather, here's the thing. I'm a genius.

14:14 Caller All right.

14:15 Adam Yeah. And it's all. Dr. Drew.

14:18 Drew Well, that was Adam talking though.

14:19 Adam Right. True, everyone's a genius who's talking to you, Heather. Now, listen to me. Except for your husband and the mulatto boyfriend. Now listen, don't have any kids. For Christ's sake, do not have children. Yeah, I know you don't want any. People that have a brood don't have it. Okay. Stay on that birth control, birth control. Okay. Now, here's a dilly-o. If you guys, you guys got married young, he's a little racist, but it's not so much racist, probably, as it is a testosterone-laden, hopped-up young guy. This is gonna haunt him. You may not get past this. You guys seem like, just the sheer fact that you had to, you know, fill him in on the details.

15:12 Drew Chaos.

15:12 Adam Maybe there's a little chaos. You're running away from something, a little therapy.

15:16 Drew Yeah, it's possible, it's possible they get outgrow this, because this is why people shouldn't be married young, it's because they sometimes do grow out of these things.

15:23 Adam Right.

15:24 Drew Sometimes.

15:25 Adam Let me just say this, shifting gears to us.

15:28 Drew I love that she's on the birth control birth control.

15:30 Adam That's right.

15:31 Drew I love that.

15:32 Adam That's right.

15:33 Drew It's so clear.

15:35 Adam The, I don't know if you're, well, you were in New York last night. I was watching television last night and there was that flash flood, that goddamn flash flood crawl that was underneath everything. It's been raining for three days and they put that crawl underneath the TV screen.

15:52 Drew It's a, you know, flash flood, you know, In Southern California, people over the rest of the country don't know it was raining like hell here.

15:57 Adam It was been raining for three days. And it's that, that's the flash flood warning. Let me say a couple of things. Lived in Los Angeles for, oh, going on about 30 years now. Yet to experience a flash flood. Not saying they don't exist. I would prefer that they give it to the folks that actually need it. Who are living in the dried riverbeds or in the scuppers or the drain spouts or wherever these retards live.

16:25 Drew Well, it's also where the fires were. That's where the concerns were.

16:28 Adam Here's what I'm saying. Let's figure out a way to let these folks know without destroying my evening. That's all I'm saying. Here's the deal. And this is where we're going as a country. Ninety nine point nine nine nine percent of the people that are watching the TV aren't stupid enough to live in a flash flood area. The ones that are should know it or we shouldn't care about them or they should make it their business to do the rain ground saturation math. You see what I'm saying?

17:00 Caller Move.

17:01 Adam You live on top of a goddamn volcano.

17:03 Caller That's your problem.

17:05 Adam I don't need three quarters of my screen taken up by the crawl with some jackass telling me what's going on every ten seconds in your neighborhood in the flash flood flash flood. Yeah, you're living in a trailer on the side of a cliff. I don't live there and neither does anyone else I know who's looking at this goddamn crawl that's cutting into the bottom of every single thing we're watching Sunday night. So tonight, good night. Was a good night of television watching for me. Let's get rid of the crawl. Go ahead and drop some leaflets down on the tarts that are living in a flood area or let them figure it out.

17:37 Drew Well, you know, it'll be if they don't put the flash flood down there. It'll be Weather Watch, Storm Watch, Storm Watch, Storm Watch, Storm Watch. Translation. It's raining in Los Angeles.

17:45 Adam Translation. Yeah. No news. This is news. They're going to make it news. Yeah. It's just with the crawls. By the way, I'll tell you when. OK, I'll tell you the guys I'm going after. Here's the guys I'm going after. I'm going to have the guy who gave the green light to the crawl underneath everything. We need this information. I need to know what Ricky Martin's up to. I need to know Jacko's got a court appearance in Santa Barbara. Somehow I need to be abreast of everything all the time, even when I'm trying to be distracted by watching something else. You understand, by the way, when you're watching, you know, curb your enthusiasm and you got to watch the crawl talking about flash flooding, understand that you're watching a guy who's supposed to be, it's fiction, you understand? It takes you out of the fiction to see the goddamn crawl running under there talking about the effing flash flood every 10 seconds. I want this guy, I'll tell you who else I want. I want the guy to decide it was okay to put the stickers on the tomatoes, the ones I got to cut off with a knife or consume, hey, it's ripe.

18:50 Caller Hey, Jackoff, I got eyes.

18:52 Adam Hey, I can see the tomato.

18:53 Drew And the apples too, I don't like the apples.

18:55 Adam Yeah, the apple, yeah, I see it. Jesus Christ, how do we get along for 150 years without your crappy idea of putting a sticker that won't come off on the goddamn apples?

19:04 Drew It ruins the tomatoes, the skin comes off.

19:06 Adam The tomatoes, here's what happens to me. Here's my thing. First, it's like, start with the nail. It's not working. Then I move to the sink. I'll hit it with a little hot water and I'll hit it with the nail a little. It's not happening. Let me get the paring knife.

19:20 Caller What am I doing?

19:23 Adam That's what happens. About minute eight, as I'm working the paring knife pulling a little thing, I just stop and have a meltdown. What's going on? Who decided this was a good idea? I'm gonna open a store. It's gonna be called No Childproof Caps, No Stickers on the Produce. It's 10 times the price, but you're shopping with dignity with other adults. How are you gonna know? How did our parents know when it was okay to buy an apple, Drew? Must've been pandemonium.

19:56 Drew How did they know it was an apple?

19:58 Adam Yeah, they must've been buying-

20:00 Drew How could they possibly identify it?

20:01 Adam A little shriveled up, a little prune-like apples, or just hard green sapling apples.

20:06 Drew You gotta understand, it lets you know that it's an apple. Otherwise, he might bring home a bunch of apples. Great. Yeah, you can tell a Fiji from a Washington, from a Gala, they're very, very different. They're always were different apples too, by the way.

20:21 Adam What did Anderson say?

20:22 Drew He said there's different kinds of apples.

20:23 Caller That's Brian, Brian wanted me to tell you that he's dying over here.

20:26 Adam Would you whack him in his head with a rolled up newspaper? Would you? All right.

20:31 Drew Germany or Florida?

20:32 Adam Oh, for Christ's sake. With the flood watch, the flash flood. And let me tell you something about a flash flood. Here's the thing about a flash flood. There's a surprise element to it. It's like saying, hey, surprise party coming up this weekend. Next surprise party.

20:47 Caller Now flash, flash.

20:51 Adam Now, it's just a flood. You see, it was a flash flood until you started harping on it for the last four hours. Now, flood. Think about it, Drew.

21:01 Drew You're right.

21:03 Adam All right.

21:04 Drew It's no longer news. Flood warning.

21:06 Adam This is a flood warning, not a flash flood warning. Cause you guys tipped the flash. Bastards.

21:13 Drew Michael. No, no, come on.

21:14 Adam I'm tired of sitting around and looking, worrying about everyone else's crap all the time. This could happen. Just let us watch our goddamn shows in peace.

21:23 Drew When you said something very interesting, you said, now they make it news. This is exactly what this is all about.

21:28 Adam What are we gonna get rid of weathermen in this godforsaken city of ours?

21:31 Drew Creating news from life, from nothing.

21:34 Adam I'm done with the weathermen. I'm done with them in this city. You pussies. Just go get a job, would ya? Leave us alone. Leave us out of your horrible twisted world, would ya? With your flash floods and your storm warnings and your weather watch 2004s and all your other nonsense. It doesn't amount to a hill of goddamn beans for anybody.

21:56 Drew Germany or Florida, Michael?

21:57 Adam Your nerd friends.

21:58 Drew Hey, what's going on?

21:59 How's it going, Adam and Dr. Drew?

22:01 Drew It's all good.

22:02 Adam I was doing good, though. I started thinking about those stickers on produce.

22:04 Drew Germany or Florida?

22:05 I hear you saying. I've been listening for six years to you, shell. I love it. German, oh, damn, I just blew the question.

22:16 Drew A German man.

22:17 Adam I'm going Germany just to win on a technicality. All right, and look, you people have difficulty with that kind of stuff, and I'm one of them. I go ahead and cross out on the article where it says a German man. You just cross out German.

22:31 Drew You're still your treads will take over. All right.

22:36 Adam Should we go check the set, Drew?

22:38 Drew So you can flash flood? I saw a good film today.

22:40 Adam Drew, is your house still there?

22:41 Drew There was a flash flood that's still there.

22:43 Adam Look out. All right, Drew saw a good movie on the plane. And he was bawling his eyes out on the plane.

22:48 Drew I freaked out all the flight attendants.

22:49 Adam Bawling? All right, well, you tell us. And you tell us about your secret mission. New York.

22:55 Drew I think I can.

22:56 Adam Did you get a notepad and write something down? You're gonna forget.

23:00 Drew Oh, there's different things I wanna talk about?

23:01 Adam I'm gonna get going on sticking around. This is my notepad.

23:03 Drew All right, here, here, here. This is gonna be a pen.

23:05 Adam This is my pen.

23:06 Drew I'll give it back to you.

23:07 Adam All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Okay, I'm on.

23:32 Drew You worked up tonight.

23:34 Adam Fired up tonight, bro. Fired up, fired up.

23:39 Drew Yeah.

23:40 Adam All right, now.

23:41 Okay, flash flood.

23:42 Adam I was talking, okay. We went, we went, we went. But I'm not going. I was talking to Drew about this during the...

23:46 Drew We went from weathermen to drivers.

23:49 Adam Okay, what percentage of people watching the television are in a flash flood?

23:54 Drew Or even for which, for whose? Area. That flood issues could even potentially be important.

23:58 Adam Yes, we're talking about that, the constant crawl that was under all the programming.

24:03 Drew One per hundred thousand.

24:04 Adam If it's one per hundred, it's way too many. It's one per hundred thousand. We need to screw everything up for that one guy. This is where our country's heading, everybody. We're worried about the one guy in the hundred thousand group. Really? Let's picture a hundred thousand people wearing blue shirts and the one guy wearing a red shirt in a Rose Bowl stadium size event venue. We need to worry about the one guy? You know that one guy? And the guy needs to shut up. That's what he needs to do or get the SB out of it. And look, and if you ain't that one guy, don't worry about it. All right. Where are you Tom? Drew, what did you go to New York for?

24:47 Drew I did the Super Millionaire. I was one of the wise men in the new lifeline at the Super Millionaire with Regis. It's on right now. And the identity was shrouded in mystery at the beginning of the show, but then we are revealed right about now and we help a guy.

25:01 Adam You do? You help him win?

25:02 Drew It's gonna be a little while here. So yeah, another 10 more minutes before we're gonna tell the whole story.

25:07 Adam Really? But you help the guy win?

25:09 Drew Yeah, yeah.

25:10 Adam Can't say the question.

25:12 Drew Not that I'm sure that's, I love that 10 more minutes.

25:14 Adam All right, P. Whip.

25:16 Drew Hey, I'd sign a document for that.

25:18 Adam Document?

25:18 Drew But it was fun. It was a lot of fun. It was a very, it's a very well done show.

25:22 Adam But they thought enough of you is to make you like one of the wise men.

25:26 Drew Yeah, it was fun. The show, it's so weird. The questions are so obscure and they're so certain not to be in your area of expertise basically. I mean, they don't specifically avoid your area.

25:38 Adam It wouldn't be a medical question.

25:39 Drew Right, but it's sort of never any expertise, you know what I mean? Somebody said like a couple months ago, one of the questions was, what is the insignia on Starbucks? The things that are out there, but you don't, you know what I mean? That's the kind of question we had.

25:54 Adam To me, it's this aquatic goddess or something, like it's not Neptune, but it's a sort of goddess of the sea.

26:01 Drew Yes, it's like a mermaid or something apparently.

26:04 Adam Something close to that, yeah. Well, what would the answer be?

26:06 Drew Mermaid, yeah.

26:07 Adam A mermaid?

26:08 Drew Mermaid, yeah. You're pretty good. I was thinking your mind would be good for this kind of show though, because it's all minutiae detail about your environment, but not about knowledge so much as what's around you in life. Right, you know what I mean? But some of it's authors and things like that.

26:27 Adam Yeah, it was at Starbucks last week. I had this idea, and we gotta go to Collins.

26:33 We gotta get rolling here, Jeremy.

26:35 Adam It's all about the kids. I had this thought today. I was with Dickie from The Bossstones. And well, from Jimmy Kimmel Live.

26:43 Drew Uncle Frank was at the Millionaire Show, that's not what I was thinking. Did you see footage of it?

26:47 Adam No, I didn't see it. I'll see it tonight on Jimmy Show. You're a... Dickie from The Bossstones and I were at... We're sitting over at Kimmel's today, and we went to go get a cup of coffee around two in the afternoon. We went through the coffee bean or tea or leaf or whatever that place is. And they do that thing and they go, you want us to stamp your card. We'll give you a punch a thing out. You get 10 cups, you get a free cup. Started with the sub shops, I think.

27:18 Drew The car washes and things.

27:20 Adam Car wash, and to me it's a sub shop. Here's my idea. My idea is everywhere you go, when you get to the 10th, you get a sub. It doesn't matter if it's a car wash, coffee place.

27:31 Drew You get a hoagie?

27:32 Adam You get a hoagie.

27:33 Drew 10th pair of shoe? Here.

27:34 Adam It don't be funny because they don't technically tell you what you're getting. You just assume it's one more free.

27:40 Drew Right.

27:40 Adam You go to the smoothie place, you get the hoagie. Every place you get the hoagie.

27:45 Drew Car wash, hoagie, ice skating rink, hoagie.

27:48 Adam Yeah, there you go. Yeah, I got my car washed 10 times. Yeah, 10th time you get a hoagie. I thought I got the car. I never said that. We never established that.

27:58 Drew 10th time, get a sub?

27:59 Adam You get the hoagie. Now, ironically, you go to the sub shop, you get a car, you get a wash and wash, and a cup of coffee, and a smoothie. But we're just having one of those stupid guy laugh things that the hoagie was the universal gift that was given out on the 10th of everything. David?

28:19 Drew David?

28:20 Adam David, can you hear us?

28:21 Caller Yeah, I can hear you guys.

28:22 Adam Year 20, what's up?

28:24 Caller Well, I don't know if it's normal or not, but when I wake up in the morning, a lot of times I can like pop my penis. Like you wake up in the morning wood.

28:33 Drew Yeah, there's a ligament there that can be cracked like any other ligament basically.

28:39 Caller Like your neck and your back?

28:41 Adam Yeah, yeah.

28:42 Caller And that's normal?

28:43 Drew Well, some guys can do it, some guys can't, but it doesn't mean anything pathological, there's nothing wrong with you because of it.

28:48 Caller It's not gonna like mess with my sperm count or anything weird like that.

28:52 Adam I'm only gonna sit here while Drew tells someone that three times, that's no problem. And by the way, the third follow-up always never just smells a little bogus. Is that good, I mean? Oh yeah. Oh yeah, you'll be rendered sterile. Shannon?

29:15 Drew Shannon, 15.

29:17 Caller Oh, okay, I had a question.

29:21 Drew Call her who goes by Shannon.

29:23 Caller No, I didn't hear you say my name. I heard you say girl 15 or something, I don't know.

29:29 Adam All right, what's up?

29:31 Caller About a month ago, my parents found alcohol in the room and I was at a friend's house and they called me home and my dad was waiting at the end of the lane, and he like didn't-

29:48 Adam Is the lane, the lane is as if you live on a cul-de-sac?

29:54 Caller I live in like, not in the country, but we, it's not a town.

29:59 Drew The streets are in the city, lanes are on the country. Yeah.

30:03 Adam Bad sign when your dad's at the end of the lane. Yeah.

30:05 Caller Yeah. And it was about nine o'clock at night. He didn't pull me out of the car, but it was pretty close. And he just, he just hit me so hard across the way. Everyone in the car is looking at me and I'm on the ground. He starts kicking me, whatever. And he grabs-

30:22 Adam Start kicking you?

30:23 Caller Yes.

30:25 Drew He's also an alcoholic.

30:27 Caller But yeah, I think he might be, but he wasn't drunk at the time.

30:31 Adam Oh, maybe he was worried about where's, maybe he's missing some booze. Is it his booze?

30:38 Caller Yeah. My mom's.

30:40 Adam All right. It started kicking you. And there's something like a very disturbing about that image, like, you know, backhanding you is, well, that's bad enough. But then you fall to the ground, he starts kicking you.

30:51 Drew Where's my bourbon?

30:54 Adam So your dad's not a great guy.

30:57 Drew Did you get any bruises or anything? Yeah. Why don't you report this?

31:05 Adam What's your mom say about this?

31:06 Caller She says that, it's okay. This is what she said to me the next morning. She was like, well, we have three problems here. What you've done, because I had all the alcohol in my room and my dad's hitting problem because he hits my brother a lot and her alcoholic problem or whatever. So I don't know. And I'm just like-

31:32 Drew Is she prepared to participate in the treatment of all this?

31:37 Caller Well, okay, the day after like she promised me that would be her last drink. And about a week ago, she bought some more tequila.

31:45 Drew Well, if she's not in recovery, she's gonna drink again. That's just- And you probably have the gene too. And hopefully you won't go, you're heading there. But if you keep going down this path, eventually the switch will get thrown in your brain as well. They'll make it impossible for you to stop without some kind of treatment.

32:02 Caller Okay, and I had another question. Since my dad is so violent, would I be violent too with my kids?

32:11 Adam Your brother is the one you gotta look out for.

32:14 Drew You mostly are gonna find a guy that will be violent with your kids. That's what's gonna happen with you.

32:19 Adam Well, maybe you marry your brother and we'll just keep it in the family.

32:22 Drew You're gonna be very attracted to the guys that are abusive like that, unless you get some treatment. That's the only way that kind of attraction sort of settles down.

32:28 Adam You're asking the right question, so that's a good sign.

32:31 Drew Yeah.

32:32 Adam All right, well, you sound much smarter than everyone else in your family. It happens once in a while. Well, the Corollas.

32:40 Drew Here's what you need to do, Shannon. If you're not willing to report this, Adam thinks you're the Adam in your family, see? Adam is the Adam in the Corolla family and Shannon is the Adam in her family.

32:50 Adam King of the tards over there, I was. I mean, you know what it's like to be 13 and know you're twice as smart as anyone in your family?

32:58 Drew Must be a curse. A curse, I tell you.

33:01 Adam Drew, imagine somebody shrinking you down to a nine year old now and then shoving you back in your house. It's like, hey, you can't drive, you got no money, you can't get laid, you got nothing, you can't drink, you can't smoke. You're just sitting there and you're just looking around going, oh my God, these idiots.

33:18 Drew Play football.

33:19 Adam I got another 10 years with these idiots. Holy Christ. Can I kill myself? Let's see if I can choke on some Captain Crunch or something, which is very plausible, by the way, if you've ever eaten it. You know what I was just thinking about? I was thinking about what should Shannon do, by the way?

33:39 And then I'll tell you.

33:40 Drew She knows that she needs help. She's not willing to report this. So go get the help, get therapy. Go to school.

33:47 Adam People are equipped to deal with this these days.

33:50 Drew Yeah, at the mental health service at your school, as a counselor, or go find somebody, some references in your community, some referrals. Go in and start talking about the problems that you have at home, and you'll get through this to the point where you won't tolerate this anymore, and when it becomes appropriate, you'll be prepared, if necessary, to report them.

34:07 Adam Well, and as the sort of smart person of the family, or the sane person of the family, or both, you have to be smart enough and sane enough to know when to hold up, when to fold up, when to make a stink, and when to quiet down. And there's a part where it's just like Drew, if I hit you with a ray, shrunk you down to 13, and dropped in your family, there'd be a part of you, A, you'd be thinking, I gotta plan my escape. Your first impulse was, I gotta get out of here. Second and third impulse was, I gotta kill these people and collect the insurance.

34:41 Drew Really, those are your impulses, interesting.

34:42 Adam I'll stuff them, put them on the sofa, put a pipe in my dad's mouth, and no one will know. Hold it.

34:49 Drew You make them seem more animated.

34:50 Adam Staple a newspaper to him. I feel like he fell asleep, I have to keep changing the paper so people don't get suspicious. No, my first impulse, yeah, would be, you know, my first impulse, I gotta blow this taco stand. The next one would be like, oh, I'm 13, what am I gonna do? I'll get picked up by the cops. I can't get a job, you know? So here's what I'm saying. You gotta treat it like that. So Drew, here's what you would do. Yeah, you would say, all right, I'm gonna lay low. I'm gonna lay low, I don't want any trouble. I'm not, even though my brain has surpassed these people, I'm not chronologically able to do anything or physically able to do anything. So it's like, it's like a Stephen Hawking, like incredible mind is trapped in a wheelchair, he can't speak. I mean, that's what it would be like if I turned you 13 and sent you back to your house, right? All right, because you gotta be smart enough, you gotta lay low. But I was thinking.

35:45 Drew And get yourself some help in the meantime.

35:48 Adam You know, it's a sad thing. It's sort of in our country these days, it's okay for parents to have their kids hate them. Fear them, not respect them. You know what I mean? Like, as a parent, don't you got any ego at all? And maybe you're just too stupid and maybe it's the ego that's getting in the way in the first place. But you know, to have your kid just despise you or to fear you or not to respect you. You know, and I don't mean respect like yes or no, sir. But I mean, just think you're a wise person, a fair person, a good person, you know? I mean, shouldn't you want your kids to sort of think that you're, even if, of course, you're flawed, think you're just the greatest dad in the world, the greatest mom in the world, or the smartest guy in the world.

36:36 Drew A certain amount of that goes away normally around adolescents.

36:39 Adam I understand that, but don't you want them planning their marriage when they're in their, you don't want your daughter in her 20s not wanting to invite you to her marriage. You know what I mean? I thought you want your kid to like you, respect you.

36:56 Drew Yeah, but they kind of go about, the way they deal with it then is like, well, I gotta kick them, kick them again. They either do that, or they try to treat them the way they treat their other friends. Rather than being the parent, they want a kid to be the friend, and they beat the crap out of their friend too if their friend didn't cooperate with them, that kind of thing. And yeah, when you treat a kid like a friend, hey, they treat you back like a friend. You're not a parent anymore.

37:16 Adam Drew, hypothetical. You have to go back.

37:20 Drew We're going back into our family board.

37:22 Adam You have to go back in your family. You go back as a 15 year old, like I believe you ride it out.

37:27 Drew 15 is the worst.

37:28 Adam Yeah, but there's some light at the end of the tunnel. No, no, it's not going back to 15, it's you.

37:35 Drew At 15, okay.

37:37 Adam It's your mind, your knowledge.

37:39 Drew With my, here's the thing, here's the deal. With our current perception of time, because time at 15 was much slower than it is now.

37:48 Adam That's true. Now it's walk in the park at 18, you blow that taco stand, you'll work it all out.

37:54 Drew So we have our current perception of time, all right.

37:56 Adam You are, as you are this evening, but you go back into 15.

38:01 Drew Fine, no sweat.

38:02 Adam At 15, you can do. Nine, you kill yourself, right?

38:06 Drew 11, I kill myself.

38:07 Adam 11, so what's the overrunner for killing yourself? 11, 11 and a half?

38:10 Drew 11 and a half, yeah.

38:13 Adam That's for me, might be 12 and a half, 13. I might have to bump it up a little bit, but yeah, yeah. But 15, I think, you know, cause I can get my driver's license in a year.

38:23 Drew No, I'll take a cheese a call at least.

38:25 Adam Take a call?

38:26 Drew Tease it at least.

38:27 Adam Tease it. Sarah. You're fat, you got nappy hair.

38:31 Drew No, no, no, come on, come on. That's you.

38:34 Caller That's you.

38:35 Oh.

38:35 Drew Sarah.

38:36 God damn you.

38:38 Drew What's going on?

38:39 Caller Okay, I'm 21 and my question was, I'm only capable of having an orgasm with me in one position. Is that normal or?

38:51 Drew By yourself?

38:53 Caller Well, no, but I mean.

38:54 Adam What's the guy? One position.

38:56 Drew Did I hear something there?

38:57 Adam Smoke detector.

38:58 Drew Oh, I think I heard one. Might have a little feedback, but it's been a while since we had a smoke detector on this show.

39:03 Adam I know, I know. That's what keeps me coming back to it. I keep thinking tonight's gonna be the night. No, no, we go to break. We go to break and then we find out.

39:10 Drew We'll wait for 10 more seconds to find out.

39:11 Adam We're teasing.

39:12 Drew All right, all right, all right.

39:14 Adam Jesus. How many times I gotta explain to you about radio, Drew? We gotta take a quick break and get back with some. Would you shut up? That is Anderson doing that. And Anderson, don't do that during the call, please.

39:25 Caller I would never do that during the call, please.

39:28 Caller You have. You haven't.

39:30 Adam I think I have. You are high, though, so excuse.

39:33 Caller I don't get high, I might have been drunk.

39:35 Adam There you go. All right, coming down. We'll take a quick break. We're back with Sarah after this.

39:41 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

39:54 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. No, Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-M-E-1-9-1. You know, it's funny, Drew was telling me tonight that he saw a, what were you talking about?

40:09 Drew Family guy.

40:10 Adam Oh, family guy, yeah.

40:11 Drew After I was destroyed by seeing in America on the plane.

40:14 Adam I got a couple of things to talk about. Yeah, the family guy, and he said, do you see the family guy tonight? And I said, I saw about the first eight or 10 minutes, and then I said, but I know it's one I liked. I remember thinking it was one I liked. I just never, you know, you see it, you recognize it. You go, I like this one. You don't, you don't remember which episode it is. And then he went on later, say that I was in it. So then I thought, oh, that's why I liked it. Maybe it wasn't good. I just remember thinking I'm in it. But it made no, no, I saw 10 minutes of it and had no register that I was in it.

40:41 Drew Thanks for that heads up.

40:44 Adam Now, I'm going to give a plug to Crank Yankers in the new season, by the way. Fantastic new season. Comedy Central, 1030, Tuesday Nights. Chris, engineer Chris, you like Crank Yankers?

40:56 Drew Yes, thank you for inviting me to be in this new season to help me write an episode. No, wait a minute. I wasn't in it.

41:01 Adam I'm a busy man. All right. Now, Drew flew home from New York on his top secret mission, which is over now.

41:09 Drew Yes, ending super millionaire guy wins a million bucks, million dollars, and he wanted on your question. I think we got him up to 500. Then he did it last one on himself.

41:19 Adam Crayola question.

41:20 Drew Yes.

41:20 Adam What was your question was, is which one of these Crayola crayons is not an actual color in the 121 pack? Yeah, in the hundred and twenty one pack. Yes, I didn't even know there was a hundred twenty one pack. And the gray matter was was the one was that we had.

41:36 Drew We had a low index of suspicion. We were not clear where we were low index of we were not we were our our confidence was low in our answer.

41:45 Caller I would think I would tell you.

41:47 Drew No, Regis is going, you know, we had we were we were we watched the show until the guy gets to hundred thousand and then he put us in total blackout seclusion. And you sit there until the stage director goes, Regis is coming to you. Right. He comes and the clock now is running. You have 30 seconds. In that 30 seconds, he goes, in the box of 121 Corolla crayons, which color does not belong? Now you have 20 seconds. And by the time he's read the question, you have like four seconds.

42:13 Adam Let me let me say this, by the way. You know, whenever they do those lifelines, they always tell the person they have 30 seconds. And the guy calls his professor buddy over at MIT. And he's like, Bert, yeah. Hey, thanks. Make a little chit chat. It's always ridiculous and surreal. And then the guy says, all right, all right, who was the first aviator to go across Pacific and Atlantic and then come back again? Was it? And they do it. Jimmy Doolittle, was it? And they do this thing. Now, here's how I would say it. I would say, who was it? You don't get a choice. Just tell me.

42:53 Drew I need this information.

42:54 Adam Yeah. Now, you give me the name and that name is number C. I know positively. Yes. Because when they read them the four and the guy goes, uh, who was it? What was D again? Uh, no, I think, yeah, I think it was him. That doesn't mean anything. And you waste time reading.

43:13 Drew Absolutely.

43:13 Adam Just if the guy knows, the guy's an aviation aficionado, he's going to know who the guy is. And if he gives you that, you know you're in.

43:21 Caller You're in.

43:21 Adam You're in gold. I wonder if they tell them to ask the entire question.

43:26 Drew I don't know.

43:27 Adam Because I wouldn't do it. I would if the guy needed that.

43:31 Caller Needed that. With us.

43:32 Adam The multiple choice.

43:33 Drew The one reading it to us, because then his voice comes in and then we see it. And then it's, we were all like, ah, ah, ah, ah.

43:38 Adam Who the hell can figure out which ones were real? And there wasn't, I saw it and there wasn't any, any gags in there either.

43:46 Drew I know. Oh, no, once you get to this big money now, and it's interesting, they're saying if, if the person wins too much money, the writers get in trouble. Because they made the questions too easy.

43:55 Adam Comes out of their own pockets.

43:56 Drew But if they don't win enough money, that's not exciting enough either, so.

44:00 Adam Alright, so you helped the guy win one million dollars.

44:03 Drew Yeah, we helped.

44:04 Adam And how did you know that Grey Matter was not in there?

44:07 Drew To my left, to my left was a woman that was a child psychologist for 40 years. And she just said, the guy, the other guy with me was a guy who had one million, one million bucks a millionaire. He and I had no idea. Right. And she went, it's Grey Matter. And I went, okay. What are you? Yeah.

44:22 Adam Okay.

44:22 Drew That's it. That's all the time we had.

44:26 Adam I see if I would. The other three would have had to be like Hitler's blood.

44:31 Caller That's right.

44:34 Adam Porno White. Duke Farm Brown. And like, if they would have been just surreal and disgusting, I would have, I would have probably. Yeah, I don't even know what I would have done. Now you're right, Drew. I would have never got that one. And then been angry. And then blame someone.

44:50 Drew And then what if I went to New York?

44:52 Adam Yeah. And then Drew.

44:54 Drew I'll talk about that next hour.

44:56 Adam Sarah? Yes. All right. So you have sex. You're 21. You have sex with your boyfriend.

45:02 Drew And you have orgasm during intercourse.

45:04 Caller Yeah. Only with me on top, though.

45:06 Drew But you understand.

45:07 Adam I'll do a few on top.

45:08 Drew Yeah. You understand just the fact that you can do it at all puts you in an elite category. You understand that? Very few women, only about 30, 40 percent of women can have orgasm during intercourse at all.

45:18 Adam 30 or 40. Try zero.

45:21 Drew It's relatively uncommon. So the fact that you can do it at all sort of puts you in an elite group. And then the fact that it's with a particular position, that's sort of, that's you.

45:30 Adam You got to rub on that stuff, you know.

45:32 Caller I was just wondering if it had anything to do with security issues.

45:36 Drew No. It's you.

45:37 Adam Well, now it does.

45:39 Drew Well, now it doesn't.

45:40 Adam No, it doesn't. But if you got raped or abused, then now it's weird when a guy's on top of you.

45:45 Caller Well, I was in a marriage and it was abusive. And so I was just wondering if that had anything to do with it.

45:54 Drew Did you have orgasm before in other positions at other times in your life?

45:58 Caller No, I got married really young.

46:00 Drew Yeah, look, this is just how you're configured. It's just you. It's fine.

46:03 Adam No, you get stimulation when you're on top. Sorry about your abusive marriage, but hey, you got out. The guy went to jail, right?

46:12 Drew No. No, but that's good. That's healthy. Right. Exactly. You get out of there, get something better going on, okay? Maazel Tov. We're not saying that marriage should be sort of cast off cheaply, but you were in, no kids. Big mistake. You got out in time.

46:28 Adam No kids? No kids?

46:29 Drew I have kids.

46:30 Adam Oh. You. What's wrong? How do we know? Oh, Drew, how'd you, why'd you think she didn't have kids?

46:38 Drew I heard a smoke detector.

46:39 Adam 21.

46:40 Drew Really?

46:40 Adam Uh-oh, this is going to be tough now. Sarah?

46:46 Drew Is there a smoke detector going off near you?

46:49 No.

46:50 Drew We're going to have to come back.

46:51 Adam I think that would be enough for us. Is there a smoke detector in your apartment?

46:59 Not where I'm at.

47:00 Caller No.

47:00 Adam All right, hold on. Don't go anywhere.

47:04 Drew We'll also see if she's on the birth control, birth control. She may be.

47:07 Adam All right, we're going to take a break. We'll be right back.

47:12 Alright guys, here's the deal. You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:17 Caller One call is all you need to make.

47:18 Drew Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE.

47:22 Call the Dateline.

48:00 Adam Love Line. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Drew. So Drew was... That's my... That's the old Mexican woman who answers the phone when you try to call one of...

48:21 Drew Ask for somebody in the family.

48:23 Adam Ask for someone in the family.

48:24 Caller Hi, is...

48:25 Adam Is Dolores there?

48:28 Caller Who?

48:33 Adam Dolores?

48:35 Caller No, she's not home! Uh...

48:40 Adam Okay, can you tell her Adam called? Listen, old lady, relax.

48:46 Caller It's not the INS.

48:47 Adam And by the way, where's the who come from? Your daughter's 46. You're 79. That's uh... That's the one. That's her name. It always makes me think I called the wrong number. We gotta get moving here, Drew. What's going on? You're on the plane today.

49:06 Drew Yeah, I came back from Ultra Super Millionaire and watched a movie in America and ended up sobbing for ten minutes afterwards. Like some sort of little girl. I mean, it was to the point where I to compose myself.

49:20 Adam Stourdis, notice you doing that?

49:22 Drew A group of them gathered and was like, Oh, my goodness.

49:28 Adam That got them wet. Chicks love it when a guy cries.

49:32 Drew I'm not sure. I think I freaked them out. They wouldn't make eye contact after that.

49:36 Adam Not because they were embarrassed because they ruined some panties. They love it when a guy gets all sensitive on them.

49:43 Drew How about when they just lose it, though?

49:45 Adam Yeah. Well, so what happened? Was it a great movie?

49:48 Drew It was such a beautiful story. It's so well rendered.

49:52 Adam If you can enjoy a movie on a plane, too, that's got to be a pretty good movie. I heard it was a great movie. What's it called again?

50:01 Drew In America.

50:02 Adam I always want to say coming to America.

50:05 Drew It's beautifully conceived. Acting is unbelievable. Not the happy film of the year.

50:12 Adam It's nominated for a thing.

50:15 Drew It's well deserving. I watched the trailer and thought, I don't know if I should watch this. It's not maudlin. It's touching.

50:23 Adam Tearjerker.

50:25 Drew Beautiful.

50:26 Adam Not even drunk.

50:27 Drew A little bit.

50:28 Adam A little drunk.

50:30 Drew No big deal.

50:31 Adam Maybe that's why I freaked the girls out.

50:35 Caller Good for your blood.

50:36 Adam Little red wine. Here's how I learned I was an alcoholic tonight.

50:44 Drew Tonight?

50:45 Caller What happened?

50:46 Adam I was over at a friend of mine's house working on a script and I told him I'd swing by for 45 minutes an hour before I came here. And on the way here, I thought to myself, hey, Ace Man's had a red wine. So I thought, I'll swing by a liquor store on my way over to my buddy's house and I grabbed myself a little red wine. You know, it's my medicine. I like myself a couple glasses of red wine. It helps me on wine when I get home. And I was just running late to the guy's house and weaving my way through the city like I always do. Turns out I didn't pass any liquor stores that were open. And I pulled up in the guy's house and we started working on the script and it was like, okay, now it's 940 and I gotta get going. And I thought to myself, there are no liquor stores between here. I mean, there may be a 7-Eleven or two where you get Schiff putting you in some bad neighborhood between this guy's place and the studio. And secondly, I now have 17 minutes to make it, and this guy's over in LA. So, I think to myself, but what about my medicine? So, I say to him, listen, you got a bottle of red? I need a bottle of booze for the road. I'm not going to drink it in the car.

52:04 Drew When he said, I don't have it, you throw him against the wall, go gah, gah, gah.

52:08 Adam I grabbed him by the lapels, and I shook him, banged his head against the wall until he fessed up. Then a bottle slid out of his pant leg, and I picked it up, and I yelled, huh?

52:17 Drew Eureka.

52:18 Adam I said, you got any booze? Yeah, I got a bottle. I said, look, I don't want your charity. And I flipped him 20 bucks. You know the most disturbing part? Oh, absolutely. He didn't say anything. I thought to myself, hey, wait a minute. You're supposed to at least argue with me. I like the part where I insist. You know what I'm saying? I like the part where I go, listen, I'm giving you 20 bucks for this wine. I like the part where you go, ah, no, no, no, no. And then I go, no, listen, this is the kind of guy I am. I'm a stand-up guy. Here you go. I take the 20, I insist. I'll take the $10 bottle of wine.

52:52 You never said anything.

52:52 Drew You're right. My dad's an alcoholic.

52:54 Here you go.

52:55 Drew I know this drill.

52:57 Adam So I got the bottle rolling around the car now. Hey, Sarah. I'm gonna need you to go to the room in the house that has the smoke detector.

53:09 Caller All right.

53:13 Adam Oh, you don't have the... You can't take the phone with you?

53:17 Caller Yeah.

53:17 Caller No extended phone.

53:18 Caller I'm going. I was gonna attempt to put a robe on first, but... I'm actually standing like right under it.

53:28 Adam All right. Okay. All right. And we're just gonna have a fake conversation and see...

53:33 Drew Quiet one. Quiet one, though.

53:34 Adam See if the ticker goes off. Now, you have kids.

53:37 Caller Yes.

53:38 Adam And see, you got the orgasm thing. You got out of the abusive relationship.

53:43 Caller Yeah.

53:44 Adam The kids are from the abusive guy?

53:46 Caller One is.

53:47 Drew Oh, boy.

53:47 Adam Perfect. And how's the abusive guy with his kid?

53:52 Caller He's great with the kids. He just wasn't... Well, actually, I should say he's great with his kid.

53:57 Drew How many kids do you have?

54:00 Adam I guess two.

54:01 Caller Yeah, I have two.

54:02 Drew All right.

54:03 Adam That's enough, by the way.

54:04 Caller Yeah, I plan on having no more children.

54:06 Drew What do the human get to be like a cat?

54:09 Adam What's the... And by the way, what's the plan on... I mean, how are you going to execute the plan of not having any more kids?

54:14 Caller Well, I want to get my tubes tied.

54:16 Drew Ooh, we like that.

54:18 Adam But in the meantime, you could crap out three more kids.

54:22 Caller No. No, thank you.

54:24 Adam What are you using for birth control?

54:26 Caller Well, actually, right now, I'm not having sex at the moment.

54:32 Adam That could all change this weekend.

54:34 Drew You know, I think...

54:35 Caller But hopefully not.

54:37 Drew Birth control, birth control.

54:38 Caller In fact, I'm very fertile, and I get that from my mother.

54:43 Adam I know, but hold on a second. Drew, quiet down with your crazy thoughts.

54:45 Drew Well, the right now bothers me.

54:47 Adam Just quiet down.

54:48 All right.

54:49 Adam First off, her smoke detector battery is not low. I have to deduce that. Number two, you're very fertile. You're not on any birth control. You're in a relationship, right? Yes?

55:04 Caller Yeah.

55:06 Adam I know you have no more plans of having any kids, but I'm doing the fertile math.

55:11 Drew And the relationship math.

55:12 Adam And the relationship math. And you might have another kid.

55:18 Caller I get your point.

55:20 Drew You understand that the thing you do when you have orgasm is something that leads to children.

55:27 Adam Yeah. So what's your plan? I know in the future you want to get your tubes tied, but you got to get on some birth control, don't you?

55:38 Drew All right. All right. Just be sure that if there's any dysfunction of the condom or it slips off, get the morning after pill.

55:44 Adam When you're very fertile. That's all. Listen, everybody, don't make me give you this speech about screwed up people cranking out screwed up kids destroying this planet. Look at everybody. You just get a bunch of people that have good jobs and love each other and they have a couple of kids and they nurture them and love them and they send them to college and all of a sudden, everyone sleeps all summer long with their front doors open and just the screen door shut. That's all. That's it. Nobody, we don't have to worry anymore. No alarms and nothing. We just got to go mop up in the Middle East a little bit. That's all. The good folks over there. It's all going to work out. I was watching the news today. They're crossing the T's. They're dotting the I's. They almost got that whole thing worked out over there. Israel's building a little wall. A couple of guys came out to protest. A couple of folks on the Israeli side dragged the bus that the Palestinians blew up the other day. And I guess what? Some rock throwing started.

56:47 Caller What happened to the bus?

56:52 Drew They pulled the blown up bus out?

56:56 Adam Israel is now attempting just to basically build a wall around Israel. The geniuses over there. Let me just say this, by the way. I'm an atheist. So none of this stuff makes any sense to me. How many more billions of dollars we got to funnel into that S-patch over there to help the folks? I know. They're the last bastion of democracy in it. But at a certain point, go ahead and fold up the tent and move out of the ashtray. And just let all the nut jobs kill each other over there. Because believe me, when they don't have the Israelis to focus on, take about 15-20 minutes and then they'll start focusing on each other and then they'll start killing. Because, you know, you got to kill. You got to throw a rock at somebody. Eventually, just throw it in a mirror with your own reflection in it. That's the geniuses. The geniuses. The point is, is Israel idiots for not moving out of there in the first place to their holy land, all this nonsense. Oh, my God. There's people with their religion, Drew. It's sad. Scary. Sad. But the other thing is, is they're building a wall to go around around there. Palestinians don't like it because their thing is like, hey, a couple bad apples blow up a couple of buses, you know, 70 times a year. And all of a sudden, everyone gets a bad name. You know what I mean?

58:17 Caller You know what I mean?

58:19 Adam I mean, it's really like saying, look, so several thousand people die on the beaches every year from shark attacks. Should we put a net up?

58:32 Drew It's not the shark's fault.

58:34 Adam Not all of them. A couple of bad shark seeds in there. Several thousand people. But anyway, they build a fence. The Palestinians don't like it. The Israelis don't like the fact the Palestinians don't like it. They come out and do a little protest. They drag the bus that they blew up yesterday. And then they start throwing the rocks. They got the rocks over there. But here's the point. Can't judge. We cannot judge. This is a different culture we don't understand. And we cannot judge. There's no bad. There's only different. Right, Drew?

59:09 Drew Yes, Mrs. Corolla.

59:11 Adam Learn that from watching, listening to public radio. No bad, only different. And even though if you turn on the news in 1973, you'd hear about the same story about the unrest in the Middle East and the Palestinians. Just a matter of days before they clear this one up. Just a matter of days. They get that done, yeah?

59:30 Caller Oh yeah.

59:32 Adam You know why? Because when both parties want to work it out.

59:35 Drew You know what it is?

59:38 Adam The Israelis and the Palestinians, they're like a couple that really loves each other that's into therapy. They both want this to work. There's a couple of infidelities on both sides and maybe a little bad blood over promotion that never happened. But you know, each couple, they really want to work it out so badly. Just a matter of days before.

59:56 Drew Before the honeymoon.

1:00:00 Adam What's happening? And again, I don't judge. We can't judge.

1:00:05 Caller Let's see, I'm 25 years old. And I'm actually in the process of a divorce. Been separated almost 6 months now. And about a month and a half ago, I met this guy online, actually in a divorce chat room. And we started talking and found out we had a lot in common. And after a couple nights, we started talking on the phone. And within 2 weeks, I mean, we were talking like every night for like 5 hours a night. And just like a lot in common and just, you know, a really great feeling.

1:00:35 Drew Hold on a second. Hold on a second. Tell us about this guy. What does he do, this kind of stuff?

1:00:40 Caller Well, I live in Chicago and he lives in Pittsburgh. And he was in the Army for a while and he's out of the Army for the past year now. He's just doing kind of like general labor things.

1:00:51 Drew And where is the comp? What do you do?

1:00:54 Caller I work for a design firm. I run a design firm.

1:00:57 Drew That's so much in common. He's a grunt and a laborer and she's a manager of a design firm.

1:01:05 Caller There's more. More than just what we do.

1:01:07 Adam And by the way, let me just say something. You know how when you meet someone online, it's like, well, if you're 5'9, you make yourself 6'1. And if you're 2'35, you make yourself 195 pounds. When you actually say you were drummed out of the Army and now you're doing day labor work, you're physically raping somebody at that time. You have to actually be killing a prostitute in order to get to day labor.

1:01:32 Drew You just finished that. You just finished killing a prostitute.

1:01:35 Adam Just mopping up the blood of a prostitute and shoving them in the crawlspace on your mom's house if you go day labor. Because you always pop up a few more notches from where you are.

1:01:49 Drew The guys especially.

1:01:50 Adam Oh yeah, guys are notorious liars. Alright, sorry, Kim, go ahead.

1:01:55 Drew We love this guy by the way.

1:01:57 Caller I can tell.

1:01:58 Adam He's doing a little construction labor.

1:02:01 Caller And after about two weeks of talking on the phone, he took the train out to see me and everything and he stayed here for about a week. And we hit it off really great.

1:02:11 Drew Why didn't he fly out?

1:02:13 Caller Just because it was cheaper for him to take the train out here.

1:02:17 Drew Fair enough.

1:02:18 Adam Six dollars cheaper and it takes an extra.

1:02:21 Drew Two days.

1:02:21 Adam Three days.

1:02:23 Caller That was like a 17 hour train ride.

1:02:26 Adam Flights an hour and 35 minutes and it's 86 bucks. The train is four days and. Seventy five. Four days and 19 hours. And it's 75 cents. Seventy five. Well, with tax it's 81 dollars.

1:02:40 Drew You have to eat.

1:02:41 Adam You got to favor the peanuts.

1:02:45 Caller So the thing that's kind of scary now is that he's, I mean, neither of us are divorced yet. I mean, I'm almost divorced within the next month. Everything will be finalized as will his. But he says he loves me. And I just am kind of like scared because it's like, I've only known him for about a month and a half. And I was hurt really badly with my husband, how he cheated on me and everything.

1:03:10 Drew What kind of upbringing did you have? Were you like in a real isolated, like in a private parochial school or something?

1:03:15 Caller No, I went to, for a couple years to Catholic school and then with public schools.

1:03:21 Drew Hold on a second. No, I went to parochial school. I just asked if you went to parochial school, to Catholic school.

1:03:28 Adam No, I went to Catholic school.

1:03:29 Caller For a couple years.

1:03:31 Drew Yeah. Well, but I was just trying to sort of sleuth out whether or not your family kept you in kind of a protected upbringing.

1:03:38 Caller My, not really. My parents, my dad's kind of, he's a man of control. He's a warden. He's away and he was very protective and strict with me growing up.

1:03:50 Drew Hold on, put her on hold, please. Reenactment. I'm just trying to sleuth out whether their parents were being very, very protective of you or anything during your upbringing.

1:03:57 Adam No, not really. My dad was away a lot. He's very strict, very protective.

1:04:02 Drew It's just, what is it tonight? What is it?

1:04:09 Adam Not a parochial school, but I was raised by six nuns and the pope. Pope is actually my gym coach. The pope would yell to climb the rope, and we did because he would poke at us with his pope stick.

1:04:29 Drew With his miter?

1:04:30 Adam I think he has a scepter or something too, does he not?

1:04:34 Drew The pope stick, yes.

1:04:36 Adam Well, his car is the pope mobile, why isn't his scepter the pope stick?

1:04:42 Drew He has like a shepherd's staff or something. So she's making my points over and over here.

1:04:50 Adam Alright, but not really. What do you do again?

1:04:56 Caller I work for a design firm.

1:05:04 Drew What we're getting at is you seem extremely naive and unsophisticated about people. And that's why I was sort of going down the path of being very protected and not having a lot of experiences with people in life. You're sort of making that case for us that you did have that kind of an upbringing.

1:05:23 Adam Do you have any kids?

1:05:25 Caller No, I don't.

1:05:26 Adam God bless you.

1:05:28 Drew Did you have sex with this guy?

1:05:29 Adam We're going to send you out a windbreaker and a Pope stick.

1:05:31 Drew Did you have sex with this guy while he was out with you?

1:05:34 Caller Yes, we did.

1:05:35 Adam He stayed with me at my apartment.

1:05:38 Drew He what?

1:05:39 Caller He stayed with me at my apartment when he came out.

1:05:41 Adam Man does not spend 74 hours on a train to walk away a dry penis.

1:05:48 Drew But this guy's behavior is sort of on the margin of bizarre. Even before he started saying, I love you. Well, desperate, so desperate that it's nearly bizarre.

1:05:58 Adam Yes, here's the whole thing, Kim. Here's how it goes. It's very sad, but it's true, unfortunately. Even the noblest guy should admit this. When things aren't going too good for you, I mean, drummed out of service and working as a construction laborer, and as a former construction laborer.

1:06:17 Drew Yeah, you'll tell us about what that means.

1:06:21 Adam That's horrible. You just dig all day and clean up trash, basically. You clean up the job site and you scrape. You do the grunt. You do the crap work. And you just scrape concrete and stuff like that, and haul stuff to the dumpster. It's a crappy job. You get paid nothing. Hey, if you know someone who has a condo, that's big time. So everything's relative. Here's someone who has a decent job, a decent life, sort of emotionally vulnerable, but probably has her, you know, makes a paycheck and everything. She's looking pretty damn good to you, who's living in Pittsburgh and pushing a broom. So you, you know, take a three week long train ride out to see her, and of course you're in love. She's a life preserver. And it's not to say that she's not a good person, but the whole reason you're... Look, the guy who drives his vintage Ferrari out there and has got to get back to the office because they're doing a groundbreaking on his fifth franchise on Monday, he magically doesn't fall in love in six weeks. He's got so much, he's got enough going on that he's not lured into that. See what I'm saying?

1:07:29 Drew Yeah, I think more than that though, somebody that is sort of whole, forget just not desperate, but also whole, isn't going to say things like that so quickly. I mean, she's really building the case of a stalker, frankly. And that's what concerns me and she's way in with this guy that she doesn't even know.

1:07:47 Adam The guy's back in Pittsburgh. Maybe she should leave now. And she just barely, Kim, you're just barely getting divorced. Yeah. You had a bad relationship. Shake it off. Get a hand in. Grab a knee. All right, let's go now. Don't sit on your helmet. It's not a chair. You understand?

1:08:06 Caller I get it.

1:08:08 Adam Let's go now, baby. What do you say now? You're better than this. You hear me?

1:08:13 Drew He's your way out of this. This is this. Just got to tell him the distance doesn't work.

1:08:16 Adam You don't need this.

1:08:17 Drew You don't want a relationship right now.

1:08:18 Adam You go to you. You get a vibrator. You hit the gym. All right, baby?

1:08:22 Drew You go to one of them chick only gyms.

1:08:25 Adam You guys can all be angry at once at men.

1:08:27 Drew Are you OK enough to let this go?

1:08:29 Caller I've really kind of started to fall for me. Like he's called me every day since he's left.

1:08:36 Adam You guys get married now. That's a bunch of kids. Hi, listen, I'm done. I'm done, Drew.

1:08:43 I know.

1:08:43 Adam Except for Becca.

1:08:45 Hello?

1:08:47 Adam You're 14. What's happening?

1:08:49 Caller Oh, a lot of stuff. Well, I have a long-distance relationship right now.

1:08:56 Adam Yeah, fantasy phone.

1:08:58 Caller I'm 14, but I'm turning 15 in May.

1:09:01 Too young.

1:09:03 Adam Oh, you're turning 15.

1:09:05 Drew Oh, that makes it all the difference.

1:09:06 Adam True. Remember the day we went from 14? I went from 14 to 17. What did you go from 14 to?

1:09:11 Drew It went so fast I can't remember.

1:09:13 Adam All right. So you're going to become 15. And then you'll be old enough to drive across country with your learner's permit and have sex with this guy?

1:09:25 Caller Well, he's 16 and he lives in LA and I live in Minnesota.

1:09:32 Adam Oh, good. Do me a favor. Do me a favor, Becca. I'm trying to get everyone out of LA. I've had an ass full of these people. Do me a favor. Next time anyone from LA visits, you know, cut their brake lines and their fuel line of their car and puncture their tires and just have keep them get them a job at the general store, wherever they, you know, give them a fall in love with heroin or ice fishing or something.

1:09:58 Drew How did you meet this guy?

1:09:59 Adam Just keep him there.

1:10:00 Drew Well, I saw people ice fishing this weekend. I wasn't connected in New York. All right, quiet down. Ice fishing.

1:10:05 Adam Becca?

1:10:07 Caller Yeah.

1:10:07 Adam How did you meet him?

1:10:09 Caller I met him on my vacation to LA.

1:10:13 Adam He went to LA.

1:10:14 Caller Yeah, well, I went to San Diego for a wedding and then my family went up to LA and I met him.

1:10:18 Drew And what was he doing? Where did you meet him?

1:10:21 Caller I met him like through some friends I know there.

1:10:25 Drew So mutual friends.

1:10:26 Caller Yeah.

1:10:26 Adam All right. And he drove out to visit you? Or you wanted him to drive out?

1:10:30 Caller He flew out to visit me twice. And I don't know, like I know I'm really young, but I feel like I'm really close to him. Like, you know, he's like one of my best friends or I thought he was, you know.

1:10:41 Drew You thought he was?

1:10:42 Adam Well, wait a second.

1:10:43 Drew Hang on, Rebecca. We're going to get into this.

1:10:46 Adam How does it work with your parents, by the way, when you're 14?

1:10:50 Drew And how about him flying him out? Is it 16? What the? I got to hear more about this. That this is because I'm putting the firewalls up in my house. Make sure it doesn't happen.

1:10:59 Adam You put that wall that Israel's putting around it.

1:11:02 Drew You count me in.

1:11:04 Adam It's going to work like a charm to that wall. It's going to make a lot of happy folks.

1:11:09 Drew You guys have a good time, though. It takes all kinds.

1:11:11 Adam Yeah. Hey, I got a more comfortable living environment for Israel. You should build a wall all the way around so it makes a circle and then fill it with tar about eight feet deep. Be better. Be nice. During the summer.

1:11:27 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:11:28 Adam Nice. It's got a nice smell to it, Tar.

1:11:30 Drew Well, we'd call us angels then.

1:11:31 Adam That's right.

1:11:32 Drew No, no, no. Make a tarp track show. Yeah, we'll just call it a tarp.

1:11:35 Adam Let's take a little break. We'll be back with Becca. We're going to find out how the guy from LA has flown out two times, a 16-year-old.

1:11:42 Drew And then how her parents allow this and what... A lot more information.

1:11:46 Adam All after this.

1:11:47 Drew Hello.

1:12:16 Adam That's my partner and on again, off again lover. Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800.

1:12:21 Drew Are we off again?

1:12:22 Adam No, no.

1:12:24 Drew We only say that when we're freaking out.

1:12:25 Adam Okay, off again, on again. How about that? The ass is half full. Dr. Drew, fresh off his triumphant trip to New York City. All right, now, when we left for- No.

1:12:39 Drew Chris, you?

1:12:40 Adam Yeah, that's a high hat. When we left off, we're speaking to- Becca. Becca. Becca is 14. Becca met a guy when she was in Los Angeles. She lives in Minnesota.

1:12:55 Drew And he's 16, they met out here, and he's since flown twice to Minnesota. How does that work? How does a 16 year old manage that?

1:13:02 Caller Well, I think his dad pays for it, or he might like, I think sometimes he works and he like earns his money and he comes out here.

1:13:09 Drew But don't you think, well hold on a second, don't you think his parents might have sort of issues with that?

1:13:14 Caller Well, he was with his dad, and he's not like in touch with his mom at all.

1:13:19 Drew Oof, is he very, is dad real wealthy or something?

1:13:23 Caller He's not, I mean they're well off, I don't know like how wealthy they are, you know?

1:13:28 Drew How about your parents with this guy coming out? Are they okay with that?

1:13:32 Caller Well, like my dad isn't as much, but they really like him and they trust him, and I guess they respect him. So he stays at my house and I think they feel as long as they have the control under their roof, you know?

1:13:45 Drew And so they've let you stay there, they feel his unaccountability to trust him. And so what's the question?

1:13:50 Caller Okay, well, there's kind of two points I wanted to get across, but-

1:13:53 Drew What's the question?

1:13:55 Caller Okay, when he was here, well, this is like my first time doing anything like sexual, well, not my first time, but this is the only guy I've done stuff with this far.

1:14:05 Drew What's the question?

1:14:06 Adam And Drew thought he was gonna ride a little ironic momentum into parents trusting, so he thought, let's try some decent radio, we'll do a segue, because she's one breath saying, my dad trusted him, and the second-

1:14:19 Drew One garrote sex.

1:14:20 Adam One that has to do with getting semen out of fabric, because they already flipped the sofa pillow once.

1:14:28 Drew But no.

1:14:28 Adam Drew thought for a second, thought for a second, he was gonna get one of our callers to go along with him, and he made a valiant attempt after the third time she didn't want to, one more time. Drew, you understand? Get our callers to do anything. It's really, it's like trying to get your cat to do something.

1:14:46 Drew You're right.

1:14:47 Adam It's just zero. And the more you want them to hop up on your lap-

1:14:51 Drew I gotta get a laser pointer.

1:14:52 Adam The less you need a squirt gun. All right, Becca, what is the question?

1:14:57 Caller Okay, well, I gave him oral sex and he did the same for me. And recently, he told me that he had a cut on his fematelia. And he told me that it really hurts. So the next day he goes and he gets it tested at like the hospital, he said, or something.

1:15:15 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:15:16 Caller And they did like blood tests and everything. And he had 80% chance of having herpes.

1:15:20 Drew Yeah, it sounds like herpes.

1:15:22 Caller Yeah, and he, like that day, he called me up and he's like, this isn't gonna change anything between us and blah, blah, blah. And he's like, I love you. That's nice. And he's like, but I think I got it from you. And then I'm like, because there was a whole nother part of him lying and like cheating. And then I like forgave him. And he, I guess he like did some stuff like that with some other girls too, but didn't tell me about it.

1:15:49 Drew Have you had any, do you get cold sores in your mouth?

1:15:52 Caller Yeah, when I gave him had, I had a cold sore and he like, I didn't really think of anything of it. And then like when we were like making out, I guess he got one too on his mouth.

1:16:04 Drew Yeah, but your cold sore on your mouth is also what gave it to his penis.

1:16:08 Caller Yeah, that's what he thinks.

1:16:10 Drew No, no, Becca. That's what did it for sure.

1:16:13 That's what he thinks for sure.

1:16:15 Adam We'll let God decide.

1:16:16 Caller For sure. What if it was from any other girl that he could have got it?

1:16:19 Drew It'd be too wild a coincidence that you should have a cold sore transmitted to his mouth, him having no previous knowledge of that, not understanding when he sort of thought he had a cut on himself. He wouldn't have announced it, if he had tried to hide herpes or had no outbreaks before.

1:16:35 Adam I'm just picturing dad down at the kitchen. Kid comes out, oh, somebody slept late. Really?

1:16:43 Drew Can I make you some omelets?

1:16:44 Adam I'm doing a lumberjack stack. What are you in for? You like the pure maple or you like the boysenberry? You got a pubic hair in you. Nope, other side. Got it. All right, son, sit on down. Do you want some fresh squeezed? What the hell do you think is going on? Drew, that's it. You can't build a wall around your house.

1:17:06 Drew I'm building bars. Just take a jail.

1:17:10 Adam Listen, oh my God.

1:17:11 Drew With lasers.

1:17:13 Adam You got that daughter, you got that crazy wife. She's going to be dressing her like she's on Sex and the City when she's 13 years old. She's going to be wearing like a Bolo's and a stiletto heels. You watch that wife of yours. No, no, no, no. Watch out. You watch out. Let me tell you where you keep that daughter of yours. Don't go down. Go up. You put her on a weather balloon.

1:17:36 Drew Mood.

1:17:36 Adam No. Just tether her to like a weather balloon.

1:17:39 Drew No tether. No tether.

1:17:40 Adam No, no. She'll get away.

1:17:42 Drew All these crazy guys will shoot me in the tether.

1:17:44 Adam You tether it to the top of the house. In World War II.

1:17:47 Drew Dirigible pole.

1:17:48 Adam They used to have.

1:17:49 Drew Dirigible poles.

1:17:50 Adam They had the cables. They had a whole netting and stuff they would hang. They would just hang those balloons up there for dive bombers and get tangled up in them. You just get one of those, a couple hundred feet of cable, one of those size of a camper, strapper up there. Give her some trail mix. You got to pull the thing down. You know, during the winter, it's up to three times a month. You got to bring it down. Meanwhile, she gets an education up there. You send her up for your greater work and send her back up. And she just hovers above the house.

1:18:21 Drew Is it wireless internet?

1:18:21 Adam Yeah, send her up there. Yeah. She gets a wireless internet. She gets a laptop. She's up there. You know, when she wants to come down, she signals you by throwing a shoe under the roof. That's how you know. And that's when you reel her. You reel her back down. You let her get out of the harness a little, move around and, you know, crap her and right back up. That's how you got to raise her. Raise her like a dirigible.

1:18:54 Drew All right. Back up. Let's get her back up. Yeah, back up.

1:18:58 Caller So I was just wondering, like, what are the risks for me? Would I have it for the rest of my life if I have it oral, herpes, or how?

1:19:06 Drew Yes, you have it. You have it in your mouth, and you will have it for the rest of your life. So whenever you have an outbreak, if you give somebody oral sex, you will transmit that virus. Now, you could also do it even when you don't have an outbreak, so you obviously have to be very, very careful. My concern also is, did you get genital herpes since this guy did the same for you, as you said? Do you have any symptoms?

1:19:27 Caller I don't see anything. I don't feel anything.

1:19:29 Drew Okay. So you're probably okay that way.

1:19:32 Adam Are you living with your dad and your mom?

1:19:34 Caller What?

1:19:35 Adam You're living with your dad and your mom?

1:19:37 Caller Yeah.

1:19:38 Adam And how big is your house, by the way?

1:19:41 Drew You pulled this off.

1:19:45 Caller I don't know. We have like a guest. He stays in the guest room. I'm like, then we have a basement and sometimes they leave because they're not always home, you know?

1:19:54 Adam Oh my God.

1:19:55 Drew What is up with the parents?

1:19:59 Adam Well, what do you want? This guy's flown in. Oh Christ. When I was 16, I was begging one of my friends to let me try his moped.

1:20:10 Drew Begging.

1:20:10 Adam Begging. That was it. Just, I'll go around the block. You can hold my ceramics project. No. I was probably begging my parents to get me a yearbook or something at school. I was flying from LA to Minnesota, banging around with a 14 year old, flying back multiple times at 16. Holy Christ.

1:20:36 Drew Let's make sure we answered all her questions in one last swipe with Becca.

1:20:39 Adam No.

1:20:40 Drew Becca, was there anything else?

1:20:43 Caller So then, if I ever have any more activity with other people, I should tell them.

1:20:51 Drew I think you should.

1:20:52 Adam Yeah. Especially, you know, your dad may not, he may start flying in people internationally to screw around with you. He may not limit himself to the contiguous United States. He may be going into Canada, into Europe, even the Middle East.

1:21:06 Drew In a way, it's sort of quaint. This guy's telling you he loves you and he keeps coming out. He's interested in you. He's into you. But at your age, this isn't likely to last, you know, at the distance at all involved. Even though he seems to have the resources to kind of overcome some of those things.

1:21:21 Adam This is 14.

1:21:22 Drew And there's the internet.

1:21:23 Caller Yeah, I know.

1:21:23 Adam 14. Okay.

1:21:28 Drew Oh, but almost 15.

1:21:30 Adam No, she'll be 15.

1:21:31 Caller Yeah.

1:21:31 Adam Not really almost. She'll be.

1:21:32 Drew When? Just for just for kicks.

1:21:35 Adam 12 and a half months from now.

1:21:39 Drew Last brush.

1:21:39 Adam Becca, when are you going to be?

1:21:40 Drew When's your birthday? What month? May?

1:21:44 Adam May what?

1:21:46 Drew May.

1:21:47 Adam May.

1:21:47 All right.

1:21:48 Caller March, April, May.

1:21:49 Adam Not close enough to be.

1:21:51 Drew Three months.

1:21:52 Adam Three months away from from your birthday.

1:21:56 All right.

1:21:56 Adam I mean, it ain't almost anything. Chris? Well, thank God for Chris. What's up, baby doll? You're 23.

1:22:06 Caller Yeah. My question is, I've been married to my husband for almost two years now.

1:22:13 Drew It's funny how married to a husband.

1:22:15 Adam Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

1:22:16 Drew Good. Yeah.

1:22:17 For about half a year.

1:22:18 Drew Mm-hmm.

1:22:19 Caller And I haven't been able to have an orgasm with him, but the guy I dated before him, I had orgasms with him, so I'm curious as to why I'm not able to have one with my husband.

1:22:30 Adam And does your husband know this?

1:22:33 Caller Yeah. We finally decided to call because, yeah, he knows that.

1:22:38 Drew And he knows that you're not having them or he knows you used to have them with somebody else?

1:22:42 Caller He knows that I have had them in the past and that I'm not having them with him.

1:22:48 Drew Let's take a little break here and then tackle this, shall we? We have some more questions and we hopefully have some answers here.

1:22:55 Adam Well, I mean, the last guy, I mean, it could be anything. He was hung like a black rhino. He was a black rhino, actually, and it's the crazy positions and the toys and the added partners. I mean, you know.

1:23:08 Drew I really loved him.

1:23:09 Adam And we were in love and I was attracted to him.

1:23:11 Drew He was a great looker and big shoulders.

1:23:14 Adam He was broad at the shoulder and narrow at the hip. Everyone knows you don't give no lip to Big John. They should write songs like that now, Drew. All right. We're going to take a break. We'll get back with Chris. Twenty three. I like that. I like the sort of progressive nature of their relationship. The husband wants to give her an orgasm. He's a secure enough guy. He's not taking it personally. We're going to work this out. Figure out. We'll figure it out. Who is this, Anderson?

1:24:08 Caller This is the Strokes, Adam.

1:24:11 Adam It's my band. This is a song that's playing when I enter the bar.

1:24:20 Drew You've changed your song.

1:24:21 Adam I may have changed my bar. Now picture, picture me walking in slow motion.

1:24:26 Drew Yeah, hair blowing back.

1:24:28 Adam Hair blowing, leather jacket, slung.

1:24:30 Drew Your hair doesn't blow.

1:24:31 Adam Slung, no, but I'm moving in slow motion. Chicks, ladies checking me out, sliding their glasses down, looking at me. Guys in fear, guys getting ready to rack up a cube, you know, getting down ready to break.

1:24:43 Caller Look it up.

1:24:44 Adam And fear, bartender, everyone knows. Everyone knows.

1:24:47 Drew And here's what they notice. Here's what they see when they look at you. When they notice.

1:24:52 Caller It's, here's what they hear, Drew.

1:24:56 Drew Well, it's what they see too.

1:25:03 Adam Here's what they notice.

1:25:05 Drew I'm too tired.

1:25:06 Caller Hey, you guys realize that I'm the one who came up with that whole little bit that we've done numerous times?

1:25:10 Caller Yeah.

1:25:11 Caller Yeah, this little patting pat myself in the back a little.

1:25:14 Adam Yeah, no, that's fine.

1:25:14 Right, yeah.

1:25:16 Caller Someone's gotta do it.

1:25:17 Adam As soon as you're gone, I'm gonna take credit for it. And then people will tell me it's a lame idea. And I'll say, well, Anderson thought of it. That's lame enough. That was, that was, that was Anderson. And he started playing the goofy music. How was the original, what was the original, my original theme song?

1:25:34 Caller That was Jimmy Eats World, who's another band that we should talk about as our friends of the show that we're.

1:25:38 Adam Oh yeah, nice guys. Yeah, get them back. Anyway, Chris. All right, so we're gonna work your stuff out. I like you guys. There it is. Chris, this is my song. You picture me entering the bar. All heads turning. All heads turning. Walking in slow motion. Guy scared, chick swooning as I pass by. Again, that stride, that confidence, slow motion stride.

1:26:05 Drew Just seeing my boots, my very expensive boots.

1:26:08 Adam Yeah, moving along the floor. Jacket slung over.

1:26:14 Drew Chris, here's this.

1:26:16 Caller That's right.

1:26:17 Adam All right, now we got the joke right. Okay, last boyfriend gave you an orgasm. Through intercourse, through oral sex, or through both?

1:26:27 Caller Both.

1:26:27 Adam Through intercourse.

1:26:28 Caller Ooh, boy.

1:26:29 Adam It's all order. Now, your current man, husband, can he give you one through oral sex? No.

1:26:39 Caller In oral sex, I've never had one because I get to a certain point.

1:26:43 Adam Yeah, it gets overwhelming. It's uncomfortable. I'm that way too, except for then I come. Other than that, we are the same.

1:26:52 Caller Good for you.

1:26:54 Adam Thank you. I bet your man could get me there.

1:26:58 Caller I don't think he'd want to get you there.

1:27:00 Adam Well, I'd have to ask him. Okay, so, now what-

1:27:09 Drew We're sort of, we're-

1:27:11 Adam We're pea-footing around the issue, but what is so different about what the new guy's doing versus what the old guy's doing? And if the answer's nothing, then tell us.

1:27:22 Caller Nothing, nothing, if I talk, nothing that I can think of. I mean, I even think they're-

1:27:27 Adam How about you get on top and grind away a little bit? Give yourself a little stimulation.

1:27:33 Caller We've tried that and I really don't like it.

1:27:37 Adam How about the vibrator? You ever try the vibrator?

1:27:39 Caller I don't like those. I've tried them and I don't know, they just don't do anything for me.

1:27:43 Drew Okay, are you on any medication or birth control pills now? Is that a new thing for you?

1:27:49 Caller No.

1:27:50 Drew You were on that with the previous boyfriend? Same exact pill? Are you on any other medication?

1:27:56 Caller No.

1:27:58 Drew Have you had children since then? No, how dare you?

1:28:01 Adam Was there something about the old guy, like, I don't know, you know, was he, I'm not talking about penis size here, but I just mean his attitude. Was he a bad boy or something?

1:28:17 Caller The only thing I can really think of that was a difference is he weighed a lot more than my husband. If I'm thinking maybe if he was on top of me with all that additional weight, Was he fat? Maybe that was doing something.

1:28:28 Drew Was he fat?

1:28:29 Caller Yeah, he weighs a good 50 to 100 pounds more than my husband.

1:28:34 Adam Right, well, he doesn't need to be fat, though. Your husband could be, you know, Ichabod Crane and this guy could be a linebacker.

1:28:40 Caller Yeah, well, yeah, my husband's very, very thin.

1:28:44 Drew Well, interestingly, the guy was telling us, a sociologist, a guy who studies sociology was telling me that there was a study that tried to control for everything, every variable. And the only thing that they could associate with the probability of women having orgasm with intercourse was the size of the guy, the width of their shoulders.

1:29:03 Adam Really?

1:29:03 Drew Isn't that weird? And that just, I don't know what that has to do with anything, but that is out there as some data.

1:29:10 Adam Well, I mean, the orgasm is a sort of primitive wiring. Maybe it's just wired into a very visceral primitive thing that wants to be taken by a larger species, form of the species.

1:29:22 Drew Or wants to keep those genes perpetuated.

1:29:24 Adam The bigger genes.

1:29:25 Drew The bigger genes, yeah.

1:29:26 Adam Yeah, you don't wanna crap out any dwarfs. Interesting.

1:29:31 Drew Does that sound at all plausible for you? Can you?

1:29:34 Adam She doesn't know.

1:29:35 Drew You can't connect. But it's not something consciously you have any awareness of.

1:29:41 Adam All right. Okay, so here's the whole thing. What about Viagra for someone like Chris? How about you try it?

1:29:47 Drew Yeah, it's not a bad idea. The things like Levitra, Cialis now are being Viagra.

1:29:51 Adam Give one of those a try. See if it kickstarts you.

1:29:54 Drew That's a good idea.

1:29:55 Adam You don't head into the bedroom with an agenda or a mission. You don't have to reach the moon every time. Just to see if you can fire up the number one and number two rockets. And then if they, if you're going good, you get to the moon. If you go in with that sort of agenda, let's see if I can outdo it.

1:30:13 Drew Yeah, the guys are also the ones that get screwed up about that. They got to fix things. Like it's a science experiment.

1:30:18 Adam They do, but women screw themselves up by the expectations too. Orion?

1:30:25 Yeah.

1:30:26 Adam You're 24?

1:30:28 Caller Yeah, 24 years old. Yeah.

1:30:31 Drew What's up?

1:30:32 Adam What's up?

1:30:33 Caller I have these sores on the bottom of my feet. It's been about, probably about four weeks now. And then I, like I was running a whole bunch too, but I showered at the gym. And then, like I started putting anti-fungal cream on them. I have like really sensitive skin. And then-

1:30:54 Drew What's your question exactly?

1:30:56 Caller I wanna, I'm trying to get rid of this stuff and I can't-

1:31:00 Drew Well, listen, Orion, you're not a dermatologist.

1:31:03 Adam You know he's not a dermatologist.

1:31:04 Drew You can't quite describe these things to me. But you gotta take to somebody-

1:31:07 Adam Well, he smokes a fair amount of weed for a dermatologist.

1:31:10 Drew Are you addicted to any drugs or anything?

1:31:14 Caller I started taking something called Grizz Pig.

1:31:20 Drew That's for fungus.

1:31:21 Caller Right, I had that for, I picked up some fungus from-

1:31:26 Drew Well, the doctor, actually, Grizzio Fulvan, which is what that is-

1:31:28 Adam Grizz Pig?

1:31:30 Drew Grizzio Fulvan, it's a- Holy Christ, the world's worst name for a drug. Get back to the doctor and see what is going on. I wonder if it's almost related to the medication, because that's an unusual medication to prescribe for-

1:31:42 Adam Nice, back to the doctor. Hey, wait, you go to a podiatrist?

1:31:45 Drew Nerd dermatologist.

1:31:47 Adam Mario.

1:31:48 Yeah, what's up?

1:31:49 Adam You're 19, you have a split stream of urine.

1:31:52 Caller That's pretty much it, yeah.

1:31:54 Adam Only in the morning?

1:31:55 Caller Well, not necessarily in the morning. Sometimes if after having gone for a while, like when I start to urinate, it'll go up in two streams.

1:32:04 Drew Have you ever had any sexually transmitted infections?

1:32:06 Caller No.

1:32:07 Drew And are you sexually active now?

1:32:09 Caller Are you wearing a condom?

1:32:11 Caller This happened before that also.

1:32:14 Drew It means there's a urethral inflammation, the tip of the penis basically kind of inflamed. That can be, some people get that just from having to wear a condom, some people get it from STDs. It's just something you ought to have investigated just to make sure it's not something funky going on.

1:32:26 Adam Oh, true, you were telling me off here.

1:32:27 Drew It's usually nothing, it's usually nothing.

1:32:29 Adam I think you said off here. You had that and it turned out just to be a piece of duke that was stuck in there.

1:32:34 Drew Yeah, but it was yours, so it made it, it was very, very touching.

1:32:37 Adam Right, I remember I was thinking, I'm missing some duke. Where is it? And I was like, Drew's like, oh, I got your duke. Right here.

1:32:45 Drew Come on, let's go to break.

1:32:46 Adam All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:32:50 Caller Here it is, bottom line, it sucks being single today.

1:32:53 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

1:32:56 Caller Call the dateline, call the dateline, call the dateline. 1-877-889-DATE. Love Line will be right back. So get your problems ready.

1:33:30 Adam Three Days Grace in Tomorrow Night, Dave Navarro. After that, we can ask him about his high colonic. Difference between a high colonic and a colonic.

1:33:38 Drew We'll find out.

1:33:39 Adam All right, so until next time. That means Drew doesn't know. Until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:33:48 Caller Uh, German?

1:33:56 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Ingold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Monday, February 23, 2004