Episode 1000594443414

1:05 Adam That's Dr. Drew.

1:06 Voiceover Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist, AFI is in the studio tonight. Adam and Jade are starting off, and then we'll have Davey and Hunter. Hunter, thank you. Coming back around and finishing out the second hour. Good to see you guys again.

1:28 Adam Hello.

1:29 Adam AFI was here just four or five...

1:32 Adam During Christmastime, was it? Yeah.

1:34 Adam So it's September 18th. All right.

1:37 Adam Was it that long ago?

1:38 Adam Yeah, but Drew, you know when you get old and time moves fast?

1:42 Adam Yes. Oh, yeah.

1:43 Adam So Christmas starts in like August and...

1:46 Adam It's almost Christmas now, is it?

1:47 Adam We're coming up.

1:48 Adam We're coming up on it. I told somebody, somebody asked me what grade my kids are and I said, sixth grade, almost.

1:56 Adam Yeah. What does that mean?

1:58 Adam I don't know. They're in fifth grade.

2:00 Adam Yeah.

2:00 Adam That's how fast time is for me. I've got to tell you, I'm experiencing it.

2:04 Adam Yeah. Well, listen, I don't want to get all weird on everybody, but if time is just something you... Like put it this way, when you get an operation and they put you under for five hours, you experience no time. So if it can't... if it's in your head, in other words, it can move along. I mean, if you're holding your breath, it's a lot longer than if you're getting a BJ. Yeah. That's why I do both. When I get a BJ, I just go... Plus, you get that little rush, you know, you get when the guys strangle themselves.

2:40 I'm going to stay out of this one.

2:41 Adam Yeah, well, out of this, it couldn't hurt.Sing the Sorrow is the name of the CD, as we've talked about in the past. AFI is a sick CD, by the way. And do you guys feel like... It feels like a good build for the band. Like it wasn't one of these big explosions out of the gate, here today, gone tomorrow kind of thing. No, a long, slow burn, definitely.But it's nice to move up incrementally than do a sort of rocket ride and then the free fall.

3:13 Yeah, because that's usually what happens. So hopefully we have the long build to the free fall.

3:23 Adam What's wrong with a 20-year build to a free fall? You make a lot of money, do a lot of drives, you get a lot of chicks on the ride.

3:30 Adam I've noticed that people that take a long time to build take a long time to go away. They stay away for a while.

3:34 Adam Well, it sort of feels like, I mean, I know it's sort of speaking in metaphors here, but you're sort of building the foundation so that the house stays up. The first big wind doesn't knock it down, you know, by the wolf. Speaking of the wolf, you know, walking down my stairs tonight coming to the radio show and this cat took off and then there was a headless rat in a trail of blood leading down the stairs and the head was missing, so the cat had the head, at least had it in its mouth because it led a, you know, it was a ghoulish sight, ghoulish, but what happened, so I found a headless rat in my, on my stairs a couple of weeks back, but the head was left there and I was thinking with the cats, like what are they?

4:29 Adam Why the head?

4:29 Adam Yeah, well they pull the head, I understand it's their instincts, but they're not really hungry. I mean, it's got to be weird, it's like if you're, you know, a cat, you're walking around and it's like, oh, there's a rat I should pounce, but it just belched up some Mr. Frisky kitty, you know, some kitty food, you know, like I'm not hungry.

4:48 Drew So this is like a house cat?

4:49 Adam I want to kill. I want to kill, but I'm not really hungry.

4:53 Adam The cat thinks that about us because it pertains to like rhinoceros and lions and stuff. Why does man kill those things?

4:59 Adam Do you think the cat knows we're going out on safari?

5:01 Adam Yeah, yeah, on some level, I'm sure of it.

5:03 Adam All right, I'm just saying, look, if you're going to kill the thing, take it with you. That's what I'm saying. Just dump the body in the river like a good serial killer. Don't leave it right on the porch.

5:12 Don't they usually bring them to you?

5:14 Adam They, well, this isn't my cat. That's the other thing. I'm trying to make friends with the cat because the cat takes off and I'm like, oh, no, no, you know, come back.

5:24 Adam Take the rat with you.

5:25 Adam Take the rat and then hang out. Hang out in the yard. All the rats are all yours. Whatever you want. Do dear thing. Hey, take a duke every once in a while. That's all right. Kill them rats.

5:36 All right. What?

5:38 Adam Oh, what are we talking about here, Drew?

5:40 Adam AFI.

5:41 Adam That's right. National. That'll be at the end. And this always seems like it's misworded, the national orange in San Bernardino.

5:48 Adam Is that what it's called?

5:49 Adam Yeah. Is it in the fairground?

5:52 Adam Fairboy 21. Yeah, I think so.

5:53 Adam Yeah. Well, sold out.

5:55 Adam Well, what are you gonna do?

5:56 Adam But you still can go down there, right?

5:58 Adam You're in the middle of a tour.

5:59 We can go down and hang out outside. Yeah, we just got started.

6:01 Adam All right. Yeah, way too many. But you can go to www.afireinside.net, one word, and get all the information. And I have all the tour dates and all that stuff.

6:14 Did Carrot Top give you that Carrot Top mug?

6:16 Adam Oh, is that a Carrot Top mug?

6:18 Yeah.

6:18 Adam Jesus Christ, I've been staring at this thing for three years. I had no idea it said Carrot Top on it.

6:23 I love Carrot Top.

6:26 Adam What's up? We haven't seen him in about four years, though.

6:28 Adam He hasn't seen him in like four years.

6:30 He's buff now. He has no eyebrows.

6:32 Adam He has no eyebrows and he's buff.

6:34 Yeah.

6:34 Adam Let me say, it's always a little bizarre when really wussy guys buff themselves up. I'm not sure what to do. You know, like Sean Hayes from Will and Grace did that. You know, all of a sudden they get on this weird kick. You know, here's the whole thing. Guys of, I don't know what you call it, but suspect sexuality, like Carrot Top, they're sort of like chicks in the sense that, you know, chicks have like eating disorders. You know, the guys sit around and get fat. Chicks have eating disorders and they get into that weird body dysmorphic stuff. And when guys get that, it's weird. And I think Carrot Top got into some sort of disorder where he just started living at the gym. And the next thing you know, it's this goofy clown haired guy with these big 19 inch pythons hanging off him. And you're like, geez, I think I want to make fun of him. He might kick my ass.

7:23 Caller Exactly. You don't want to be ass kicked by Carrot Top because...

7:27 Adam It's horrible.

7:30 Caller My friend hates Carrot Top, but he doesn't want to talk trash to him because if he knows because his ass kicked by Carrot Top, it's all over.

7:35 Adam Carrot Top is actually a very, very nice guy.

7:36 Adam He's a nice guy. But imagine how you would just be feeling if he was just kicking the ass out of you. There's like a huge crowd gathered around Carrot Top just pummeling you.

7:46 Caller You know, we have some prop, you know, some comedic props, too, to go along with it.

7:49 Adam It would be like some evil clown coming after you. It would be that kind of a dream surreal.

7:54 Adam It'd just be horrible. It'd just be these flashes of orange and eye shade and bad props, you know, baby on board.

8:04 Caller It'd be the toilet seat with the rear view mirror.

8:06 Adam The toilet seat they're in and people laughing in slow motion. Who's going to kick my carrot top? We got to do some mushrooms and get Carrot Top to kick our ass. That would be the best high ever.

8:23 Adam I think this could be Bobcat's new film.

8:26 Adam Cammie? You're 19? Yes. What's up?

8:31 Caller Okay. I'm a lesbian, first of all. And I've, well, the girl I'm currently dating is, she lives around eight, nine hundred miles away from me. We dated in the past and we broke up after two months, the original time, because some bad stuff went down.

8:57 Adam Slow down a second. Slow down. How did you meet?

9:00 Caller We've, we met in high school. We've known each other for years.

9:03 Adam And what was the bad stuff that went down?

9:05 Caller I cheated on her.

9:06 Adam Okay.

9:06 Caller So go ahead.

9:09 Adam With a girl or a guy?

9:10 Caller With a girl.

9:11 Adam What's the question, then?

9:13 Caller Well, now...

9:13 Adam Somehow it doesn't sound like much. It's like, eh.

9:17 Caller Well, okay. Now she lives, I'm in Albuquerque and she's in LA and a lot of my friends, when I told them that we were getting back together, told me not to, because it sounded like a bad plan, because when I cheated on her, there was some suspicion that it had been set up that I was going to be hit on by this girl.

9:41 Adam By your girlfriend?

9:42 Caller By, well, by them, too. They were friends. And...

9:45 Adam So she was, what, testing you or something?

9:47 Caller I guess so. I don't know.

9:49 Adam What are you doing in Albuquerque?

9:51 Caller What am I doing?

9:52 Adam What are you doing?

9:52 Caller Not a whole heck of a lot.

9:54 Adam What's anyone doing in Albuquerque?

9:56 Adam I mean, you go into school, you have a job. I don't have schools there. So if it's important to be with your girlfriend, why don't you go join her in LA?

10:05 Adam We got enough troublemakers over here. Why don't you have her join you in Albuquerque within this city?

10:10 Adam What's she doing in LA?

10:11 Adam Hold on a second. I was looking at USA Today and, you know, the five most congested arteries in the world are all in Los Angeles. Like the 405 and the 101 and then like the 405 and the 10 and then, you know, like the 101 and the whatever. And I realized this essentially is the Devil's Triangle and we're all living in the middle of it like retards. You know what I mean? You know the freeways?

10:33 Adam Well, the ones we travel every day. Those are the ones.

10:38 Adam Yeah, I know. I know. I was sitting there. I was talking to Jimmy down at his show and I was saying, you know, 101, the 10, the 405 and then I said, we're right in the middle of that triangle of freeways. This is the one. Let's thin the herd out here a little bit, huh? Clear out. Go to Albuquerque. Take care of everyone you know. Take all your Lesbo friends that aren't that hot and go to Albuquerque. Let's go. Let's thin it out. I don't know what her question is. I'm tired of her.

11:06 Adam The point is, the long distance at 19 really isn't going to work. It just doesn't work. But there's nothing. If you were in college or something, we'd be saying get involved with your life there in Albuquerque. But you're doing nothing. So if your relationship is important, do you want to join her?

11:18 Adam No, no, no. Have her come.

11:20 Adam Or have her join you. Whatever.

11:21 Adam How do I spell this out anymore?

11:23 Caller There's a situation behind that though. She actually just recently moved out to LA and lives with her mother who hates me.

11:34 Adam And why does she live with her mother?

11:35 Caller She lives with her mother because her mom followed her out to LA and lives with her. And she can't.

11:40 Adam Wait, wait, wait. Adam, she lives with her mother because she...

11:43 Adam Her mom followed her.

11:44 Caller She lives with her mother.

11:45 Adam She lives with her mother. She lives with her mother.

11:47 Adam It's just screwed up people. Who cares? Listen to me. Can we get some rapid transit going in this godforsaken gump of the city?

11:54 Adam We have a train now.

11:56 Adam We have a train.

11:56 Adam People use it in Pasadena.

11:58 Adam They do? Not white people.

12:00 Adam Yeah.

12:00 Adam We got to get white people to put their cars away. You know what I'm saying? White people aren't used to rolling and not having a steering wheel in their hand.

12:07 Adam Adam, we need to put...

12:08 Adam We should give them steering wheels and get on the train or the bus.

12:11 Adam We need to put transmission in the air. We need to finally...

12:14 Adam The monorail.

12:15 Adam No.

12:16 Adam You mean the Jetson?

12:18 Adam Yes. It's been promised since we were kids.

12:20 Adam No. We got to do something. This town is... Do you guys live out here, by the way?

12:27 Caller No, we live in the Bay Area.

12:29 Adam Smart. It's pretty congested out there, too, right?

12:31 Caller It is, but you don't really have to go as far to do things. You can just walk or take a cab.

12:35 Adam Yeah. Are you in San Francisco property? Beautiful.

12:40 Adam Drew and I had like a third honeymoon out there a few weeks back, was it not, Drew?

12:44 Adam Yes, it was great.

12:45 Adam Beautiful.

12:45 Adam Yes.

12:47 Adam Anna?

12:48 Adam You get to practice your receiving technique.

12:50 Adam You're 16? Thank you. What's happening, Anna?

12:59 Adam You have a question, right? I'm ready to shake your ass by the time. Look at this peanut gallery over here. Look at this through this window behind us. Yeah.

13:08 Adam Wow.

13:08 Adam There's like 40 people looking at us through a window.

13:11 Adam I'm so nervous all of a sudden. All right, let's go, Anna.

13:15 Caller All right.

13:16 Adam All right.

13:18 AFI I was just wondering about the way I masturbate.

13:21 Adam Go ahead.

13:24 AFI Like, I just cross my legs and just kind of squeeze. I don't know how to explain it.

13:30 Adam You're very fortunate that you discovered that and you're able to do that. That's all. That's the thing. Not everyone has that talent. And one of the things that confuses men severely is that women have a very, very broad sort of range of what it is that constitutes their sexual arousal. And for you, these things are going to work pretty easily, probably.

13:47 AFI Well, the thing is that, like, my boyfriend can't get me off at all. And, like, that's the only thing that works for me.

13:58 Adam They cross the leg and squeeze. Yeah. Squeeze your legs together.

14:03 Adam Any way you can sort of reproduce that with him present? You know what I mean?

14:08 AFI I've tried to think of something, but I can't think of anything.

14:11 Adam Hmm. Oral sex? No good?

14:14 AFI No.

14:15 Adam Hmm. He dodged that bullet. Uh, Anna? Mm-hmm. You're 16.

14:22 Adam Yeah, maybe a little bit too soon to be getting involved in all this stuff.

14:26 Adam Well, not too soon of getting involved, but I'm just saying that... For her. The vagina is a way of working itself out.

14:33 Adam Right. Or telling you when it's ready.

14:36 Adam Yeah. Yeah, maybe this isn't it. Yeah. I mean...

14:39 Adam It's just gonna... What we're predicting is you will work this out.

14:44 Adam Don't get pregnant trying to work it out. Using birth control? Yeah. Drew, what percentage of 16-year-old women are sort of how they're gonna be when they're 33 at 16 sexually? Actually. I mean...

14:59 Adam Less than 5%, I'd say.

15:01 Adam You'd say? Yeah. But, but, but...

15:05 Adam And then there's a lot of change with pregnancies and this. They change across the lifespan. Probably more than men.

15:14 Adam Jade? Let's go. Going to hear an AFI song, by the way. No. I mean, yeah. We'll talk to Rosa, and then we'll hear an AFI song.

15:32 Adam Let's go with Rosa.

15:33 All right.

15:34 Adam She gives oral sex to a guy.

15:39 Yes?

15:40 Adam You're 18?

15:41 Caller Yes.

15:41 Adam What's happening?

15:42 Caller I was just had a question about if a guy were to have an STD or whatever and now is to perform oral sex with him, would that still get an STI or?

15:53 Adam If he had an STI, would you get it for oral sex?

15:56 Caller Yes.

15:57 Adam Yes, you would.

15:58 Adam What was the I? What's that infection?

16:00 Adam It's the new nomenclature. Every time there's a new generation of scientists, you got to come up with a new nomenclature. They have to define themselves by the nomenclature. Infection. Sexually transmitted disease sounded too ominous.

16:11 Adam Really?

16:11 Adam Yeah. Because it's just an infection.

16:15 Adam STI sounds like they took the band and mixed it with the disease and that came out with a super strain of like rocking herpes or something.

16:23 Caller Ah.

16:24 Adam All right.

16:25 Adam So, Rosa.

16:27 Caller Yes. Yeah.

16:28 Adam You can get diseases that way.

16:31 Adam That's why people want you to use a condom when you're doing that.

16:35 Adam Do you have a boyfriend?

16:36 Caller Well, we've been together for about a year. It'll be a year and a month tomorrow.

16:41 Adam Are you having some symptoms? Are you having any symptoms? Something, are you worried about something?

16:49 Caller Um, well, we've lately been talking about, you know, like getting serious or anything right now, but.

16:57 Adam Okay. Listen, this is, she's calling from Los Angeles, LA Unified School District at work, everybody.

17:04 Caller That's the symptom of STI is talking about getting serious.

17:08 Adam Yeah. I just, I just find that Drew has to explain himself. Like it's really, it's if we're traveling in a foreign country.

17:15 Adam Yes.

17:15 Caller Yes.

17:15 Adam Well, yeah. The LA Unified makes sure.

17:19 Adam Boy, do we just, we just like some sort of, do we just cranking out the tards since 1933. The LA Unified School District. Oh, what a disaster that is. And here's the thing, you know, they always do is because I'm a product. I didn't even learn to read or anything. I don't even know. I can't, I can't spell my last name. The, the, oh, I spell it with an O all the time. And then my dad corrects me. But the point is, is, you know, we do this thing where they go, oh, no, no, no, we got, we got some smart kids. Yeah, we got five smart kids. They're from India. They win in the, the, the educational Olympics every year. The rest complete idiots. That's the 99.9% idiots who can't function. This is Los Angeles, everybody. That's right. Come on down. Bring your retards. Bring your cars. Take a car for every chart, a tar for every car. Come on down. There's a whole bunch of really stupid out of it people that are unemployable. Just driving in circles around my house. Perfect.

18:19 Adam What's the first AFI song?

18:20 Adam These are the idiots, by the way. They're just camped out. They're just, they're confused. Like the signal's red, but the arrow says green. What does that mean? Well, I'm not going to move. I'm not going to chance it. I'm going to stay here. Just completely out of it. There's Los Angeles, but more brain dead people than other cities. I can't imagine all cities are this way. You know, Seattle, San Francisco. People are walking around like their eyes are clear. They're looking up.

18:45 Caller There's a lot of tards in San Francisco, too.

18:46 Adam Are there?

18:47 Caller Yeah.

18:49 Adam Listen, I'm not saying San Francisco is not a great city, but our tards kick your tards ass. I mean, let's face it. Come on, Drew. I was saying this. Listen, when you travel, you travel around, you go to Chicago, people are walking like they're going somewhere.

19:04 Adam With purpose.

19:05 Adam Here they look like they're just stumbling, like the wind is just taking them to a refrigerator box so they can crash out and vomit. You know, they're looking down. They're confused. They're not sure what's going on. They're driving the car. They got that look where they're sort of, it's like they're looking into the sun a little bit. What's going on? No one knows what's going on. Everyone's just out on the street like roaches stumbling around. What's going on in this city? Let's get it straightened out.

19:29 Adam Move your ass.

19:30 Adam Shake your ass, everybody. Let's wake up. Everyone needs like a shot of aftershave and a good stiff cappuccino. Let's get it going now. Let's get a hand in LA. Get it rocking now. Let's break it down now. Alright, grab a knee. Alright, let's hear a little AFI. That's going to get LA, that's going to get them started. Alright, that is not AFI. Ah, here's the song. You cute up there Chris? Alright there buddy. This is called Silver and Cold. That's a little AFI for it.

23:48 Caller There's the applause.

23:53 Adam When you rock an audience to the point where they're down, I mean, they're like down on the canvas, I got to pick themselves up before they can start the applause. Got Adam and Jade here, both from AFI. We're going to have Davey and Hunter come on in in about the 11 o'clock hour, sing the SARS, the name of the CD. It's about time to take a break. Who are we going to talk to when we come back, Drew?

24:16 Adam I thought Andy was going to be here.

24:18 Adam Okay, have a crush on his teacher.

24:19 Adam I have a question for AFI.

24:22 Adam He's calling from my old sort of hometown. I will take a quick break. We'll be back with AFI and Andy has a crush on his teacher after this.

24:33 1-800-LOVE-191.

24:43 Adam Yeah, it's Loveline, everybody, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, AFI is here tonight. We've got Jade and Adam in here for the band, David and Hunter are going to be in the 11 o'clock hour when we do the little swap-a-roony. And where were we, Drew? We're going to talk to Andy?

25:04 Caller Yeah.

25:05 Adam It's a question for the band.

25:06 Adam Andy? 14?

25:08 Caller Yeah.

25:09 Adam What's up?

25:09 Adam You have a crush on your teacher?

25:11 Caller Yeah. Well, first I have a question for him.

25:13 Adam Hold on, hold on. What's his name?

25:15 Caller Her name.

25:16 Adam Oh, her name? Yeah. You're going to Chicks now. Great. You'll be back. Okay.

25:22 Caller Yeah. All right. First question for AFI. Are you guys going to go on world tours this year?

25:30 Caller No, we're not. We're going to be working on a new record by then, so we won't be on any tours.

25:35 Caller Do you know when that record's going to come out?

25:38 Caller It's a little early for that, but if we have it our way, it'll be early, what is it, 2005? Yeah, early next year.

25:46 Adam So it'll be about a year, or a little less, actually, every 10, 11 months.

25:51 Caller All right, and then from the question about my t-shirt, it's like all my friends think she's hot also, so it's like when I see her, I get like something comes over me and I get a big boner and stuff.

26:05 Adam Big boner or medium to small boner?

26:10 Adam We're all very proud of you.

26:11 Adam That's great. Well, there's nothing a 30-something-year-old teacher likes and a nice boner. She's India. I mean, that gets a chick hot, right, Drew? Of course. When they know you have an erection?

26:25 Caller She's actually 25.

26:27 Adam 25, yeah. Better. Hotter. Yeah.

26:34 Adam And she's hot. That's fine.

26:36 Adam Well, what about, you know, you hear about these stories, like, you know, these teachers that are getting it on with their kids and you always feel bad for the kid. Well, you feel bad when it's a chick. You don't feel so bad when it's a guy, but you don't really admit it. But the real trouble is done here because it makes kids think they got a shot. You know, no one really talks about that aspect of it, but it's like, well…

27:04 Adam You mean if they hear about it?

27:05 Adam Yeah, that 14-year-old who's out in Kentucky is banging his teacher. Why can't… Wow, I got a shot with Mrs. Sopanzi, don't I?

27:14 Adam The other thing they don't talk about is just how sick the teachers are that do this stuff. I mean, they are bipolar, usually drug addicted, really seriously ill people.

27:23 Adam Yeah.

27:23 Adam And then the guys tend to be sociopaths, or at least growing into sociopaths.

27:29 Adam The greatest is that…

27:32 Adam Oh, God, what a smart child.

27:33 Adam She's smart. Was it smart?

27:34 Adam No, no, no.

27:35 Adam Now I'm thinking of somebody else.

27:36 Adam That's Elizabeth Smart from Utah.

27:38 Adam Is that the one I'm thinking of?

27:39 Adam Oh, that's the one to get kidnapped.

27:42 Adam You know, what are we supposed to do? I sit around at night. It's like, is that the chick that the senator killed? Is that the one who's dating Stern? There's too many names buzzing around. I'm going to think of her name because, Drew, somehow you took some sort of pact. The pact with the devil that anything I can't think of, you can't think of. Or maybe that's just your poker face. But now, here's the thing.

28:10 Adam I can't remember what we were trying to remember.

28:12 Adam Oftentimes, I can't remember things that Drew shouldn't know, like movies and pop culture and stuff like that. But then oftentimes, it's just stuff he could easily know if he's watching the news and that. All right. I'm going to think of the woman's name, but the point is, she's getting it on with her kid.

28:26 Adam Mary Lou, Mary Beth.

28:27 Adam Mary. Latourna. All right. Thank you, Drew. We'll give that. That's half way.

28:34 Caller Yeah.

28:36 Adam I like the fact that her husband had to move to. What the hell did he move, Drew? I'm not giving the next. He had to move to Alaska.

28:43 Adam Weren't they in Florida or something like that?

28:46 Adam It sounds Floridian, but he had to move. Imagine being the husband of this small community. Your wife's banging around with her ninth grader.

28:54 Caller Was it like a 14 year old boy?

28:58 Adam The kid was like a 13 year old gang banger or something and I ended up cranking out some kids.

29:04 Adam She was bipolar.

29:05 Adam They were determined to stay together like she was in jail. Yeah. She was so sick. I just love it when you talk to a 13, 14 year old like, are you in love? 13, 14 year old loves a big wheel as much as he can love anything at that time. A big wheel? Super big wheel.

29:23 Adam M80s. Better.

29:26 Adam He's going to love it as much as he could love any human being. How to say, like guys in Vofco. You would have been in love with any teacher showed you any sexual attention at 14, right?

29:37 Adam Female.

29:38 Adam Female? Of any species. Yes? Be honest. Drew had to sock the mic. Melissa? You're 17?

29:50 Adam Oh, got that voice. What's the question?

29:57 Adam Well, hold on a second. Drew, aren't we taking, she's got a masturbation question. And we have like six chick masturbation questions in a row.

30:05 Adam This is a real estate question actually. It's a little different.

30:07 Caller No, it's not as fun.

30:10 Adam Melissa? What's going on?

30:14 AFI I have been masturbating since I was maybe like six.

30:19 Adam I still got 20 years on you. Easily.

30:25 Adam But six, you sound like about when things started going bad for you.

30:30 AFI I really, I just kind of want to know what's going on.

30:32 Adam Yeah. Well, what happens when children are traumatized, sometimes they will start doing things like that.

30:37 Adam How do you know she was traumatized? Were you traumatized?

30:41 AFI I don't know.

30:43 Adam You don't know? Want to give us a hint? Do you know what that means? Do you know what that means by traumatized?

30:52 AFI Well, every time that I've been masturbating now, visions of like my dad will come up. And I'm not sure if those are flashbacks or just, I don't know.

31:02 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy. Yes, Drew?

31:05 Adam Do you think they might be flashbacks?

31:06 AFI I don't know.

31:09 Adam You say I don't know repeatedly as though we're going to be able to answer that for you. So we don't know either. But it does sound that that whole sort of situation sounds a little bit problematic.

31:19 Adam I think you have some sort of beat off Tourette's though sometimes. You guys know what I'm talking about. Unfortunately, yes.

31:26 Adam Margaret Thatcher comes in.

31:28 Adam Thatcher, that'd be a good name for me. At least it's a chick. Tony Blair for you. It starts getting weird. You got family members and pets and, you know, deceased black leaders and, you know, civil rights leaders and stuff. Kennedy used his head open and stuff. It can go south. It can go south in a hurry. And once it starts going that direction, it's tough to come back from that. It's hard to recover from that.

31:59 Adam I see why you stick with the visual stimulation.

32:02 Adam Yeah, that's right. Well lit and plenty. But that's like a bad hand. You just have to fold and you're going to lose your ante. But you fold and you just get a new deal. You know? All right. So maybe she's got, maybe Melissa's got some of that. Maybe she just got dealt a bad masturbatorial hand. Melissa? OK, so here's the deal. I hate to be harsh on somebody who was possibly molested, but that's the point. We have no idea what's going on with you and we're just playing a guessing game.

32:33 Adam So we had a bunch of pieces of evidence, though. We got a voice we kind of reacted to.

32:37 Adam Did you think your dad touched you or not?

32:42 AFI Well, I know that I was reading in a magazine that if your dad spanked you, if you were spanked, then I'm not sure. But every time my dad would touch me, like even just in a nice way, I would always like pull away. And I've always done that. And I don't know what's going on.

33:06 Adam Well, let's figure out with your dad. Is he an alcoholic?

33:11 AFI No.

33:13 Adam Does he, is he, is he violent? Does he throw tantrums?

33:17 AFI Yeah.

33:20 Adam Is he into drugs?

33:21 AFI No.

33:22 Adam Was he at one time?

33:24 AFI Yeah, he was.

33:27 Adam It's like, it's like to tell the truth. Arlene Francis, flip over all the cards. I'm out of guesses. Were the real molestation victim? Please stand up.

33:36 Adam Melissa, look, you're in lots of denial.

33:38 Adam Go get some counsel.

33:39 Adam Yeah, it's not was a drug addict. He has a history of drug addiction. He is a drug addict. He may end up be actively using right now, but I still bet he is. And the probability is here something happened. So let's, how about looking into it?

33:53 Adam I talked to a counselor at school. And by the way, come on out to LA and bring your car. This is a perfect candidate for the kind of person who would be in front of me now. What's that mean? Geez, red light, green arrow. Man, that's what you call Mexican standoff there. I'm not going anywhere. Better I should move back a couple of feet. Just hold my ground. Nothing could happen. I can't get an accident if the car's not moving, can I? Well, at least in action it's my fault. Yeah, you go. All right, I'll just stay here until I get the T-bone by drunk. The Corolla kid, he doesn't need to go to work. He'll be fine. Hey, Coley? You're 26?

34:39 Caller I am indeed, Adam.

34:40 Adam What's up?

34:42 Caller I just want to drive around your house and not go anywhere. My story is, I just got diagnosed with Corolla disease. And...

34:56 Adam Why is it I have disdain for everyone who tries to be funny? Even myself. I don't even like me when I'm trying to be funny. I'm angry at me right now.

35:06 Adam There should be some sort of policy that our college is not allowed to even make attempts at doing anything other than focusing on the questions and then listening.

35:16 Adam You can be amusing by mistake. If you have a speech impediment or something like that. But if you volitionally attempt to be funny, it's not going to work.

35:29 Adam Disaster.

35:30 Adam It's always bad. Alright, here we go.

35:33 Caller My apologies.

35:34 Adam That's alright. What's up?

35:37 Caller I've been diagnosed with actual Corolla's disease. But my actual question is, I've been in this relationship.

35:45 Adam Hold on a second. Now I'm distracted.

35:49 Adam I'm wondering if he's mispronouncing something. I'm trying to figure out what he might be talking about.

35:53 Adam I'd be glad if a disease was... I know there's one named after my dad. It's called... No count. It's warm your ass on the sofa your whole life and not move.

36:04 Adam Corolla disease.

36:06 Caller Huh?

36:08 Adam Now see, now the confusion comes. Coley?

36:11 Caller Yes, sir.

36:12 Adam How do you spell that?

36:14 Caller Corolla. Just like your last name, if I'm correct. It's polycystic liver disease. And they also said I have Corolla disease.

36:24 Adam Maybe they just meant you had nappy hair and you like to masturbate a lot.

36:29 Adam You have polycystic liver, and that's what they called polycystic liver?

36:34 Caller No, I have polycystic liver. And on top of that, I also have been diagnosed with Corolla disease.

36:39 Adam And what is that?

36:40 Caller Corolla disease apparently is cyst upon the bile duct of the liver.

36:45 Adam Oh, Christ.

36:46 Caller That sucks. At least you got a cool one.

36:49 Adam Yeah, I wanted one that gave like your right side superhuman strength. You could crush people's hands when you shook them.

36:56 Adam It's got to be very rare.

36:57 Adam You got to have a great gigantism or something. Something crazy. You could hold your breath for 20 minutes.

37:03 Adam I thought I heard everything.

37:05 Adam That's just some sort of polyp on your colon.

37:07 Adam Corolla syndrome. Not his liver. Not his biliary triatry.

37:11 Adam Yeah, but worse. I'm just some hash mark somewhere in some set of underpants. No, bilious.

37:19 Adam It's apropos. What? It speaks well of you.

37:25 Adam Okay. Well, here's the point. Tell us how you spell it, because Drew will look it up on the Internet.

37:30 Caller I don't know how to spell it, but I would think it would be something like your last name, T-O-O-R-R-I-L-A-S.

37:38 Adam I have a distinct feeling.

37:40 Adam Yeah, that's me. I got my spelling name with nine L's and six R's and 15 S's.

37:45 Adam I'm suspicious that you are sort of misheard it. You know, people make sense of things that they don't understand, like.

37:52 Adam Well, listen, I'm flattered that he heard something.

37:55 Adam Yeah, put your name on it.

37:56 Adam It sounded like my name and stuck it on there. Anyway, go ahead.

38:00 Caller Well, my question is, I've been in this relationship for five years with my best friend and obviously she's a girl, but we've been intimate only a few times, so it's not a real boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Yet, I can't, it doesn't seem like it's not going to go anywhere. But, ever since I've been intimate with her the last time, like two years ago, I can't get over it. And Dr. Drew, you mentioned that girls, as they have sex with guys, release a serotonin or a protein, which is a bonding agent. Can guys get that too?

38:40 Adam Yeah, but this isn't that. You're obsessed, you're not bonded. What a woman would feel is the abandonment and absence of the person when you left, but you've got just the succession about the person.

38:50 Adam Somebody was generous enough to toss you a scrap of vagina.

38:55 Adam No, I think her number mismatched.

38:58 Adam No, no, yes, but Colley over here gets laid. Oh, I mean, maybe that's a Corolla disease. He doesn't get laid. Maybe that's what they're talking about. He was like me when I was in high school.

39:09 Adam It would be Corolla syndrome, wouldn't it?

39:11 Adam Yeah, it's so horrible. You should kill yourself if you got that. You'll be no recovery. I mean, you don't get a lot of sex, right, Colley?

39:19 Caller Unfortunately, no, but few and far between, but the girls I am with are exceedingly very nice.

39:25 Adam But this one was especially so, yes?

39:28 Caller Yes, sir.

39:28 Adam Yeah, this is just a number problem. This is a problem going way outside your number.

39:33 Adam Okay, here's the whole thing.

39:34 Adam You understand what I'm saying?

39:35 Adam Do you understand what I'm saying? I'm the scientist who invented the Corolla disease. I dare you, I'm written up in all the books. Don't you read Chama? Here's the point. He, yes, he never gets... Okay, here's what happens. Here's how it works. There's goofy people out there. Okay, I know, I used to be one. So I became big time. Now I'm literally a millionaire, literally. But the point is, is goofy people, goofy people, they don't want to nail themselves. I mean, you know, they don't want other goofy people. It's like, what the hell should I be with this three and a half? You should be that three and a half because you're three. That's why you should be with that three and a half. But they feel that way.

40:15 Adam So they strive for more.

40:16 Adam So they strive. And once in a while, there's like a seven that dips down, does a little slumming.

40:21 Adam Dangerous, dangerous.

40:22 Adam Slides down, gives them a little love. Maybe they had a few too many zeemas or they were bound. A lot of rebound action. That'll work with a chick, you know. She'll, she'll see what, ah, here's what happens.

40:34 Adam I'm going to go with a Corolla.

40:35 Adam No, listen to me, a good saw, a chick who's a good saw like six and a half or seven will get dumped by an eight and a half or nine guy. Feel bad about herself and slide down, do a little, do a little slumming with a four and a half before she goes back up again. That four and a half is heartbroken now. He's devastated because he got a little taste of the good life and now it's been taken away. And she likes to keep him around because the four and a half makes her feel good about, but the other guy doesn't make her feel good about herself. All right, I've worked this out. Nicole, hang on, because we got to straighten him out. And Drew, you look up the Corolla disease. There's nothing, I guarantee it. All right, we'll take a quick break. AFI here tonight. We'll be back after this.

41:21 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

41:30 Adam It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, AFI in the studio tonight. Jade and Adam are in here. And we're going to do a little swap out, get Davey and Hunter in here in just a couple of few. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Poor Drew is on the Internet scouring the Internet looking for a Corolla disease.

41:52 Adam There's colidococis and colostasis and all kinds of stuff.

41:54 Adam He wouldn't know. By the way, we've been here for 10 years. I would have heard something by now.

42:00 Adam And you know when kids see things they don't understand, they try to apply images and words that they do know. They sort of generalize. He heard coli or coral and that was it. It was Corolla.

42:13 Adam Yeah, except for he's 26.

42:14 Adam I know. What does that tell you?

42:17 Adam I don't know, but it's not a good thing. What would a Corolla disease really be like?

42:24 Adam You may have just said it.

42:25 Adam Naps a lot, masturbates a lot.

42:27 Adam Never gets awake.

42:28 Adam When he is awake, he's confused and complaining. Disoriented. Only thing he seems clear about is his complaints. Hey, coli.

42:39 Caller Yeah, good times, Adam. Thanks for putting me down.

42:43 Adam Well, look, let's face it. That's what's going on, right?

42:48 Caller Apparently, yeah.

42:49 Adam Okay, well, look, coli, here's the whole deal. We would like you to become a little more realistic so that you could, in fact, get laid once in a while.

42:58 Caller Okay, well, how would I do that?

43:01 Adam Well, here's how you do it.

43:02 Adam How dare you, Adam?

43:04 Adam First off, you take a good long look in the mirror and assess your number, which we can try to figure out.

43:11 Adam He can change his number.

43:12 Adam Guys can change your number. Girls really can't. Hey, Cole?

43:18 Caller Yes, go ahead, Adam.

43:19 Adam Do you work?

43:20 Caller I do. I've worked for nine years. In fact, I put Dr. Drew on an airplane. I upgraded him first class. I worked for the major airline from Chicago to Orange County or to LA about four years ago.

43:33 Adam Mm-hmm. Did I see you in Chicago?

43:37 Caller Yes, you saw me in Chicago, Dr. Drew.

43:39 Adam I remember you. That's the only time that's ever happened to me. Thank you so much. His name is Coley.

43:44 Caller Yeah, so hopefully I wasn't too much of a loser then.

43:48 Adam No, you were there. You were the greatest guy I ever met then.

43:51 Adam Drew, hold on a second. First off, you got to start smoking pot. Let me tell you. You smoke pot, the world goes away. Yeah, all right, whatever, dude.

44:00 Adam Not only that.

44:01 Adam You're just like, I remember.

44:07 Adam It was snowing outside. In fact, it was because it was one of the situations where I was dying to get a seat and there was no, I'm sorry, no seat, sir. And then he pulled me over and said, hey, hey, hey, come here.

44:17 Adam It's cold. So you're still working for Major Airline.

44:21 Caller I am indeed, sir, yeah.

44:23 Adam What are you doing in Orange County now?

44:25 Caller I moved out to...

44:26 Adam Listen to Drew kiss an ass now. I love this man. He's going to get another upgrade somewhere. He's not even flying if he's getting an upgrade. He's going to get you a better car.

44:36 Caller You're in Orange County, Dr. Anton. Please come to the counter and I'll make sure that you're taking care of it.

44:40 Adam United Airlines.

44:42 Adam All right. So you got a decent gig and you have an okay car and okay condo and everything? You live in somewhere?

44:51 Caller I have a new car.

44:52 Adam He lives in Orange County. How back can it be?

44:54 Adam Lots of chicks there. Drew, what do you look like? You remember? Not great?

44:58 Caller You remember?

44:59 Adam Yeah, I remember. I remember a little sort of ethnic appearance.

45:03 Caller What do you got going on there, Cole? I'm 5'9, 155, I play hockey, I'm in great shape.

45:11 Adam Great shape. What's your ethnicity?

45:15 Caller I'm Irish. I don't know where you remember your ethnicity from.

45:21 Adam And so this girl that you've been friends with for many years, you've had sex with a couple times. Best friend. Yeah, she's an attractive girl.

45:31 Caller She very much is.

45:33 Adam Very attractive. Now, so here's the thing. Why isn't she interested in you as more than a friend, do you know?

45:39 Caller She goes for guys with a little bit darker skin and maybe the bad boy guy. Yeah. I'm not that.

45:49 Adam Let me explain how this is going to go. How old is she?

45:52 Caller Oh, she's my age too.

45:53 Adam She's 26. 26. This is fruitless. Here's what you can do. Here's how it's got to work. She's got to spit out a kid, crap the kid out.

46:03 Adam Or just sort of crap down by these guys.

46:06 Adam This is what's going to help. This is a fast track. Craps out a kid in the next 18 months to two years.

46:11 Adam Her number drops.

46:13 Adam Has a guy who gets cheated on a couple of times by some of these a-holes and light burn in like a refinery accident. Just light. Not the whole face. It's just something to make her think about it a little bit. And then you slide in about three years. You mop up. That's how it works. We got to take her down. It's like you can't afford the porous just yet. You take the one that got pulled out of the river and got cleaned up. That's the one you need. You see what I'm saying? The salvage. Sorry, Cole. You sound like a good guy. Stop banging your head against the wall. You got a good job. You look good. Go enjoy yourself. Stop obsessing.

46:49 Adam Yes. All right.

46:50 Adam AFI in here. We're going to take a quick break. We'll do a little change in the guard. We'll be back.

46:55 Here's the deal. Looking to hook up? Call the Dateline.

46:57 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

46:59 Call the Dateline. One call is all you need to make. Call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE. Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline.

47:27 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline.

47:28 I'm Adam.

47:29 Adam That's Dr. Drew, who's obsessed with the Corollies Syndrome. Oh, you want to go look it up?

47:36 Yeah.

47:36 Adam Okay, because somebody called in and has a question for AFI and said it's called the Corollies disease.

47:44 Drew It's Corollies or Corollas?

47:46 Adam It's Corollies, but we can see where maybe our last caller got in trouble there. Davey and Hunter, both in here now, have done a little swap-a-roo with the AFI crew. We're going to hear something else off of the Sing the Sorrow CD and just a couple of few. Drew's on the computer and we're going to the phones. Drew, who are we going to talk to?

48:07 Adam The Germany or Florida.

48:09 Adam All right, plain old Germany or Florida, right? Sweeping the nation, this Germany or Florida. Go ahead, you tell us the bizarre crime-related story and we tell you Germany or Florida.

48:22 All right, here it goes. The untimely bowel movements of a man arrested with marijuana at an airport yielded an unexpected haul of 54 condoms containing cocaine. The man had the condoms in his stomach and after a certain period of time, his bowels passed them out again. The man hid the excreted condoms in his clothes where prison authorities later found them.

48:49 Adam Well, it's condom in coke, I mean coke, I think Florida.

48:54 Drew The feces makes me, just any connection to feces makes me think Germany.

48:57 Adam He choked down some, he was packing some condom cocaine.

48:59 Adam Yeah, he was keistered down, he was mulling some coke.

49:02 Adam When you keister, you take it from above and then you bring it down below.

49:07 Adam No, I go everything.

49:08 Adam Everything goes up.

49:09 Adam I put chapstick, I go that way. I go everything that way. Everything that goes that way.

49:15 Adam It's truly a new man purse.

49:16 Adam There's nothing, toothpicks, chapsticks, straws.

49:19 Adam It's all there.

49:20 Adam You should see me taking a smoothie. It is disgusting. Yeah, it's all that way, Drew. This I just used to talk.

49:27 Adam Yeah, yeah. And the cash register.

49:29 Adam Yeah, this is the cash register. Something happens to this, Drew, the whole show goes away. You understand? Yeah, I know. All right, so let's vote. So Drew, anyways, keistering stuff. But no, here's the whole. Thing. The fecal matter, I agree, Germans love cars, killing Jews and fecal matter, those are their things, you know, some good, some bad. But the point is, is they love the fecal matter. But this is inadvertent. He didn't want the fecal matter.

49:59 Drew But he kept it on him.

50:00 Adam He was trying to hide it.

50:01 Drew His drugs, I guess you're right.

50:02 Adam He was trying to hide the drugs. All right, I'm going Florida, but don't let me influence you.

50:07 Drew So he ingested it, excreted it.

50:10 Adam Yeah, and he tried to hide it when he was in Germany.

50:12 Drew And then carried it.

50:13 Adam When he was in the prison. Drew.

50:17 Adam That sounds like Florida to me.

50:18 Adam You're going Florida?

50:18 Drew Yeah.

50:19 Adam All right, Hunter.

50:19 Drew I say Florida.

50:20 Adam David.

50:21 Drew I'll stick with Germany. All right.

50:24 Adam Go ahead, Ryan.

50:25 It is Germany.

50:29 Adam I didn't see that. One right answer.

50:32 Adam You did that to us last time. Did you do something like that?

50:34 Drew I don't know. We'll say yeah, sure.

50:37 Adam A pox on you, Ryan, for making us look like asses. You did it to yourself. Well, that's true.

50:44 Drew Me and Ryan go way back. We set that up.

50:46 Adam That's true. All right, everybody. Thanks for sending out a windbreaker.

50:50 Adam All right. Mr. Hanke, windbreaker.

50:51 Adam Valerie?

50:52 Caller Yeah?

50:53 Adam You're 17?

50:54 Caller Yep.

50:55 Adam What's up?

50:56 AFI Well, I got mono a little over a month ago.

51:00 Adam I always wanted that in high school. People would be out for like two months. Yeah. And then Drew had that. It's totally uncool. It's horrible. I had it too.

51:08 Drew I had it too. You had to stay home. I didn't know I had it. Like I went to the doctor like three times. They're like, oh, you have a virus. You have a virus. Go home. I couldn't get out of bed. I was blood coming out of my nose. Horrible.

51:18 Adam Bad cold.

51:19 Drew Horrible.

51:20 Adam Drew, you got to stay home.

51:22 Adam Two weeks, bad.

51:23 Adam Two weeks? Two weeks.

51:25 Drew That's amazing.

51:26 Adam Awesome.

51:26 Drew That's quick, isn't it?

51:27 Adam That's great.

51:28 Drew For mono, two weeks?

51:29 Adam No, it was two weeks. I mean, it was down. You can eat.

51:31 Drew Yeah, yeah.

51:32 Adam I mean, for you, it was for two weeks.

51:33 Adam Yeah. Still could do your homework, though, right? Yeah, of course. And by the way, two weeks at home with Drew's family, it had to be like two years. Yeah.

51:44 Adam But here's the crazy part.

51:45 Adam That was like Midnight Express for you, right?

51:47 Adam This is the Crowley Syndrome.

51:48 Adam You had to get out of that.

51:49 Adam Yes, I did. But it was actually during...

51:52 Adam You're tunneling out of your bedroom and it was on the second floor.

51:55 Adam It was the very end of the school year and I was supposed to be doing a senior project. And so I taught myself how to type during that time I was home.

52:00 Drew Oh, that's very efficient.

52:02 Adam See, I would have taught myself how to watch cartoons and eat.

52:04 Drew Who did you make out with to get the monodrew?

52:06 Adam Who didn't he make out with in high school? Big man on campus right here.

52:11 Drew See, I got it from sipping off my friend's Coke or something like that.

52:15 Adam Yeah, I would have got it from like a bad gym towel.

52:18 Drew Yeah, exactly.

52:18 Adam But not Drew. He's tonguing everybody in his junior class. Hey, he's quite popular. Well, first off, look at him. He's easy on the eyes.

52:26 Drew Oh, well, the lady who watches the door, very, very beautiful lady who watches the door at the hotel we stay at has a huge, huge crush on you, Drew.

52:34 Adam You see that?

52:34 Drew Very lovely lady.

52:34 Adam He could have been a... she could have been a tonguing victim from back when. She did a lot of tonguing.

52:40 Adam Maybe it's where I got the mono from.

52:41 Adam They call him the tongue. Literally everyone he met. Friends, family. Didn't matter, Drew. Who are we talking to? Valerie?

52:49 Adam No. Yeah. She didn't ask her question. What's the question, Valerie?

52:54 AFI I actually kind of had two questions about it. Well, the first one is, I didn't really have too bad of symptoms and the doctor told me, like, if I... For the two weeks that I have the fever is when I'm contagious, but I never really got a fever.

53:07 Adam They did a blood test on you and the blood test was positive?

53:10 AFI Yeah.

53:13 Adam You know, usually we say about a week after the fever stopped, you're not contagious. You can reliably be...

53:17 AFI But what if I really get a fever?

53:19 Adam Then did you get out of bed? I mean, how long ago were you in bed the whole time you were sick? Or you were going to school and that kind of thing?

53:26 AFI Well, it wasn't really that bad.

53:31 Adam Let's just say a rough... There's no absolutely surefire way to be sure you have no virus around, but it's generally about a week after you feel well, let's say.

53:42 Adam How come you don't get mono when you're older? Does everyone get mono when they're older?

53:46 Adam No one knows. Why don't you get cold? You lose when you're 80.

53:48 Drew I got it last year. Oh, you did?

53:50 Adam Yeah.

53:51 Drew I'm no spring chicken. I know you think I'm.

53:53 Adam Last year?

53:54 Drew Yeah, I got it last year.

53:54 Adam You can, but after 40, it really drops off. It's like you never would even test for it after 40.

54:00 Drew It was no fun.

54:00 Adam Don't you get the flu and stuff when you're 80?

54:04 Adam You can, but you don't get the upper respiratory infections, the viruses and the sore throats and that stuff so much.

54:09 Adam Well, is it just your body? I mean. Well, I guess one could surmise that you've been exposed to so much at a certain point that you build a community.

54:20 Adam That's one of the theories, or that your body doesn't react the same way to things. The immune reaction is different.

54:25 Adam Is the reason, though, kids are getting earaches and getting sick constantly.

54:30 Adam The new pathogens to them. That's the theory.

54:32 Adam Everything's new.

54:33 Adam Or at least to the extent that the body can sort of develop screens for other pathogens, it has to be exposed to certain ones before it can screen out.

54:40 Adam It's sort of like when you bring a group that's living on an island to somebody and you spread in the hole. They're all killed by smallpox. Let's talk to Camille. Camille. You're 18? What's up?

55:02 AFI First of all, Adam, I have to tell you my sister loves you. Like I got started listening to the show like a couple of years ago and she wrote like your name on her shoes.

55:12 Drew I love that.

55:14 AFI Yeah. She loves you. But she's 15, so don't get any ideas.

55:18 Drew You're totally in, man. You're so in.

55:21 Adam No, I'm not getting any ideas for her. Good. Just as my name is on her shoe. Yeah. What's she sporting? She got vans or something like that?

55:34 Adam Converse. Converse, of course. By the way, I've got the Corolli syndrome. It's congenital dilatation of the bile ducts.

55:40 Adam So, it's a Corolli syndrome.

55:41 Adam Corolli syndrome.

55:42 Adam It's pretty serious.

55:43 Adam Corolli's disease.

55:43 Adam Camille?

55:44 Caller Yeah.

55:45 Adam Go ahead.

55:46 AFI So, I'm seeing this guy that I've been seeing since September. Well, we met in September. And I like him a lot.

55:55 Caller And I'm not seeing anybody else.

55:57 AFI And as far as I know, he's not seeing anybody else. But I don't know how to like talk to him about being exclusive without changing things because I'm really happy with the way things are right now. So, you guys think I should just like wait and see, just wait it out or should I talk to him about it?

56:14 Adam Wait, wait, wait, wait. If you know, if you knew for sure that he was totally receptive to being exclusive, you wouldn't be so concerned about this. The problem is you kind of know that he's not in for this.

56:26 Adam Really?

56:26 Adam Right? Is that what you're saying?

56:28 Adam She didn't really word it that way.

56:29 Adam I know.

56:29 Adam We just assume that's what her thing is. How old is the guy?

56:35 Adam How old is he?

56:37 Adam Forty-nine.

56:38 Adam How old is he?

56:42 Adam Where's my fist?

56:43 Adam Your fist is over the hold button.

56:46 AFI I'm going to mash this thing.

56:54 Adam Sometimes the finger's not good enough. It's not satisfying enough. I have to mash it with my hand.

56:58 Adam I think the phone's broken now. All right.

57:02 Adam Well, it is a good time to hear another AFI.

57:04 Adam Yeah, yeah, good idea.

57:08 Adam See, Drew, don't mess with this equipment.

57:11 Adam I got it. I fixed it. We can take calls for a minute.

57:14 Adam Now, what's her problem? Okay, I like this chick sister a lot, but I'm not sure I like that.

57:19 Adam Because her boyfriend was a lot older.

57:20 Drew Yeah. I think he got it on the...

57:23 Adam The whole thing was she doesn't want to be in reality.

57:27 Adam And what Drew was tapping into is we talked a lot of girls...

57:32 Adam Oh, she's still there.

57:33 Adam She's still there.

57:34 Adam How old's the boyfriend? 25. 25. All right, 25.

57:41 Adam All right, 25. Okay, let's just talk about this for a second. We talk to women all the time. They're like, well, I got two kids, I live with the guy. How come you're not married? Well, we just don't feel like right. It's always like, nah, he doesn't want to do it. And you're scared to ask.

57:54 Adam And you're scared. And you're buying your own BS. You rationalize it the way you're supposed to as a liberated woman as opposed to trusting your real instincts with something asserting what you really want out of the relationship.

58:03 Adam Right. And look, there's nothing wrong with being a woman. And look, here's the whole deal. As men, we have our masculine impulses. We want to screw as much as we can, not get tied down, not deal with any responsibility. Fine. That's what we want to do. It's okay to do what you want to do. You don't have to be like us. I know you're.

58:24 Adam In fact, men are happier and healthier when we come along with what the women's instincts are.

58:32 Adam It is a fact.

58:33 Adam God is my witness.

58:34 Adam How about you rooting for a football team that you hated when you went to the opposing college because your wife went to that? Are you happier? You get a lobotomy, you'd be happier. Here's the deal. They read Cosmo and all these magazines and they tell them it's okay to be this way and they don't feel that way, but they talk themselves into this lie. And next thing you know, they're apologizing for wanting to do what's natural for them, which is you have your woman and you're with a guy and you're having sex with him. You want a committed relationship. Of course. You've got a couple of kids and you're married and you're living together. You want to be married 99% of the time. That doesn't make you weak. That's your impulse.

59:13 Adam It's your motivational priority. It's a healthy one. It's a very healthy.

59:17 Adam It's a lot healthier than ours. How about we just pull out with as many chicks as we can have sex with?

59:22 Adam Thank you.

59:23 Adam Right. All right. So, not that there's anything wrong with that, but I'm just saying.

59:27 Adam We're not judging.

59:28 Adam Man, I don't judge. So, here's the thing. We can't judge. We need that Camille to be a little more realistic. Are we getting back with her? Yes. Camille. Oh, wait a minute. I pushed Danny now. Drew, you really screwed these phones up, buddy.

59:44 Adam Hello?

59:44 Adam All right. So, Camille.

59:46 Adam Did you hear what we were saying?

59:49 Adam And you guys have been going out for how long?

59:53 Adam So, six months or so.

59:57 About that.

59:58 AFI But it's not that I don't think he wants to, like, be exclusive, it's because he's a musician, so I'm not sure, like, he travels, you know?

1:00:09 Adam How does that not equal, he doesn't want to be exclusive? That's why he doesn't want to be exclusive is he's not exclusive.

1:00:15 Drew Does he live in the same city as you?

1:00:17 AFI No.

1:00:18 Drew Where'd you meet him? Where'd you meet him?

1:00:24 At a show?

1:00:25 Adam This is going on forever. Is it AFI?

1:00:29 Is it me?

1:00:31 Drew No, it's not me.

1:00:34 Adam Well, okay, this doesn't sound like, I mean, you being 18, him being 25, him being on the road.

1:00:40 Adam Bad times.

1:00:41 Drew She met him at a show.

1:00:42 Adam Camille, this is just somebody that sort of when he's in town hooks up with you.

1:00:46 Adam Yeah.

1:00:47 AFI This is not because I've been to visit him too.

1:00:51 Adam Yeah. Well, when you when you're in the same sphere, the same neighborhood, he hooks up with you. That's it. Listen, talk to the band guys. They'll tell you what this is.

1:01:00 Caller Yeah, I've seen that.

1:01:01 Drew We don't know from experience, but we've seen it.

1:01:04 Adam Other bands. Other bands all the time.

1:01:07 Adam Well, listen, everybody who's defending whatever relationship they have, then by all means, I mean, here's the thing, if you're the world's greatest employee, marching your boss's office and ask for a raise, I think you feel like you're not a great employee and you might get escanned if you ask for the raise.

1:01:25 Adam Mental health is being able to deal with reality on reality's terms. If you want to pretend reality is something different, that's fine. That's up to you, but it's going to be a hard life.

1:01:35 Adam Yeah. All right. So if you want a committed relationship and you guys are going strong and he's into you, then by all means, he should be all for it.

1:01:42 Adam This is nowhere near that.

1:01:43 Adam Yeah. Okay.

1:01:45 Adam Sorry.

1:01:45 Adam Let's.

1:01:46 Adam And by the way, just chalk this up to experience.

1:01:49 Adam And by the way, at 18, you're not. This is what happens when you go out with 25 year old guys who are in bands.

1:01:56 Adam Yes. Yes. Unavailable guys. And by the time you're 22, if you're healthy, you will be completely done with unavailable guys.

1:02:03 Adam Right.

1:02:04 Adam Completely.

1:02:04 Adam Right. I'm just getting into that phase.

1:02:08 Adam You've been telling me that for a long time. I'm just kidding. I tried to play hard to get.

1:02:12 Adam Try me this weekend, buddy. Call my bluff. Bring some of those Quaaludes or whatever they're using now. What is taking the Quaalude place, Drew?

1:02:21 Adam We got Soma, we got Klonopin. Bring that.

1:02:24 Drew What about amyl nitrate? Is that over?

1:02:25 Adam We do that right when I'm finishing.

1:02:27 Adam He's been doing that. He's been doing that for a while.

1:02:29 Adam Yeah. Yeah. That's my thing.

1:02:30 Adam The answer was Bircham, I guess, was doing that.

1:02:32 Adam Oh, yeah. I was talking about amyl last night. I bring all that stuff with you. Yeah.

1:02:36 Adam Good times.

1:02:36 Adam Okay. And let's see. Wait, let's hear a song.

1:02:40 Brian? Yeah.

1:02:41 Adam We got a question for AFI, right?

1:02:43 Yeah.

1:02:44 Adam Go right ahead.

1:02:45 Hey, Davey. Yes, Brian. You guys are awesome.

1:02:48 Adam Thank you.

1:02:50 I was just wondering, I love your new stuff a lot, like it's really, really great, your new album. But do you guys ever think you'll make another album like Black Sails in the Sunset or Art of Drowning again? Because that stuff is really good.

1:03:02 Drew We don't really like to go backwards.

1:03:03 And that's what I was thinking, but you guys are just going to kind of progress and get more and more into it?

1:03:08 Drew Yeah, exactly. I couldn't have said it better myself.

1:03:12 Adam You're not going to regress and go back in time and get worse and worse?

1:03:16 Drew We hope not. Okay. We hope not.

1:03:18 Adam Yeah, I mean... It's that slow build we were talking about.

1:03:20 Drew You know, when you're writing and when you're in a band, you really like to progress, you really like to do things new. If you keep writing the same songs over and over again and if you recreate an old album, that's very, you know, unexciting from our perspective.

1:03:34 Caller Yeah, there's no point to that.

1:03:35 Drew No.

1:03:37 Adam Hey, Brian.

1:03:37 Yeah.

1:03:38 Adam You cool with that?

1:03:39 What?

1:03:41 Adam Are you all right with that answer?

1:03:42 Oh yeah, that's great because, you know, the new stuff's awesome.

1:03:44 Well, thank you.

1:03:45 Drew I'm glad you like all those albums.

1:03:47 Adam It's good luck for satatonic.

1:03:48 Drew I appreciate it.

1:03:48 Even the really old stuff is just, you know, you guys can't go wrong with.

1:03:53 Drew Thanks.

1:03:54 Adam Well, thank you.

1:03:55 Drew I hope you're right.

1:03:59 Adam You don't want the band to get cocky because they get cocky, Brian, they lose their edge.

1:04:03 Adam They sell out.

1:04:04 Adam They sell out to the man. You understand?

1:04:07 Yeah, I understand, Adam.

1:04:08 Adam We've seen a lot.

1:04:09 Adam We've seen them come. We've seen them go. Remember Chumbawamba? Those kids got cocky. They sold out.

1:04:18 Adam They dropped their anarchist roots.

1:04:20 Adam Now they're gone.

1:04:21 Drew Did you have Chumbawamba in here when they were all crass and stuff?

1:04:24 Adam Those brains in the ass. Thank Christ those idiots are gone.

1:04:28 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:04:29 Adam Johnny Harvey Dangerously or who are the other bands? I'd like to just make a huge long list of flash in the pan, nobodies have rolled in here with more attitude.

1:04:40 Adam They were way up the list.

1:04:42 Adam Oh, oh, God, did I hate those.

1:04:45 Adam They basically announced that the anarchy was the only viable system. And Adam said, really? Yes, you should be able to do whatever you want whenever you want it. And I said, well, I got to go to Chicago tomorrow. Who's going to do the air traffic control? Whoever. Who's going to fly the plane? Whoever wants to. Whoever wants to fly the plane.

1:05:02 Drew That's well thought out.

1:05:03 Adam Yeah, yeah.

1:05:04 Drew At least they knew what they believed in.

1:05:08 Adam Please. Thank Christ that Shambalwamba is gone. Oh, God, I just fall down on my knees every night. Thank God that band hasn't been around.

1:05:18 Drew Did they break up?

1:05:19 Adam I don't know.

1:05:19 Adam They went the way of black rape.

1:05:21 Adam They went the way of black. Drew, we should. Drew and with Drew, who's been here at K-Rock for.

1:05:28 Adam 20 years.

1:05:29 Adam 20 years. He's got.

1:05:30 Adam I can make quite a list. The Skritty Palitties.

1:05:34 Adam He's got the Skritty Palitties.

1:05:35 Adam And the Nina Hoggins.

1:05:37 Drew What? Nina wasn't nice to you guys?

1:05:39 Adam I was even born when Nina Hoggins was in here. Oh. Nina Hoggins.

1:05:48 Adam I have two bad hands out here. She remembers a lot of stuff, too.

1:05:49 Adam Drew, he had to come up with a good list.

1:05:51 Adam No, there was one. There was one. No, no, no, no.

1:05:54 Adam The Aquapats.

1:05:55 Adam The Aquapats. The guys had stormed out.

1:06:01 Adam That was a reggae guy.

1:06:03 Adam Reggae with two blonde women that danced with him.

1:06:06 Adam Yeah, we've had guys just come. We had guys get up and leave and dance off.

1:06:10 Adam Remember the guy that got so mad at me because I liked... We had two reggae guys. We had...

1:06:13 Adam Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

1:06:15 Adam Shaggy. Shaggy, whom I love, was there with this other guy who freaked out because I was...

1:06:21 Drew Talking to Shaggy...

1:06:21 Adam .having a love fest with Shaggy.

1:06:23 Adam Who was the guy in the band that walked back to the hotel because he got drunk and started arguing with you?

1:06:28 Adam The purple plume.

1:06:29 Drew The plume stoles? No.

1:06:31 Adam We're going to think all this. He started arguing with Drew and he got pissed off and he walked back to the hotel, but he didn't know where the hotel was. We're in Culver City. The hotel was like a Beverly Hills. They had no idea what direction he was going. He got drunk and stormed out. Sneaker pimps.

1:06:48 Adam Sneaker pimps.

1:06:49 Drew Oh, the sneaker pimps? I love the sneaker pimps.

1:06:52 Adam The bass player is still walking around.

1:06:55 Drew I guess that's why they broke up.

1:06:56 Adam We're going to go out on patrol, because we're going to find them later. You know what I like? I like, and I've done this a few times too. I like when guys get drunk and make the declaration that they're walking. No matter where they are. Stop the car! I'm walking! I'm walking home! We're in the middle of salt flats.

1:07:12 I don't care!

1:07:15 Adam Listen, seriously, just drive your car.

1:07:17 Caller I'm out!

1:07:18 Adam I'm out! I've thrown people out. I've thrown friends out. I've thrown friends out. I've thrown friends out of a car many times who made that drunken, I'm walking, and the walking is a slap in the face to you. It's a relief. I try to talk about it for like an eighth of a mile, but eventually, I've thrown people out on Mulholland up in the hills and stuff at like 4.30 in the morning, and said, hey, you're on your own, buddy. You're banging a walk, now you're walking. Start walking. But that was one of those things, those drunken, walking proclamations, and he didn't know where he was. Drew, we're going to, can we hear AFI's song?

1:07:54 Adam Break first, then come back with the song.

1:07:56 Adam Okay, Drew, I want you to write down.

1:07:58 Adam A list of people that have been horrible.

1:08:01 Adam No, yeah, horrible, but even just.

1:08:03 Adam Flash in the Pan, horrible. Attitude, hot at the moment.

1:08:06 Adam How about just Flash in the Pan bands that have been in here?

1:08:08 Adam Attitude, hot at the moment, and then just gone.

1:08:10 Adam How about Flash in the Pan bands that have been here?

1:08:12 Adam It's hard to remember those.

1:08:14 Adam Think about it, buddy. AFI's here. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:08:20 Adam Hello?

1:08:22 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:08:36 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Hunter and Davey in here from AFI. Good guys, good people, good band. Salt of the Earth. Salt of the Earth.

1:08:53 Adam Fast forward four years. Who were the Perk Band?

1:08:56 Drew I don't remember when those guys were in here.

1:08:58 Adam But first off, all these A-hole bands that have been in here over the years are lucky that Drew and I can't remember any of them. I mean, there's thousands of them. We can only pull up a handful of lowlights.

1:09:08 Drew Kim McGreen light over the years.

1:09:10 Adam But Drew comes up with them. Is that a blur? Yeah, those pricks. Oh, thank God. Thank God. Most of these guys have gone the way the dodo.

1:09:21 Drew Blurred some good, good songs, though. Oh, yeah.

1:09:24 Adam Let's not let's not confuse. You know, it's like athletes. You know what I mean? I mean, you can really appreciate what a lot of these guys do on the field. But in real life, some of them are drunken, horrible husbands don't talk to you. They don't talk to you. Ted Williams had a bunch of kids that didn't like him. He never talked to and that kind of stuff. You know, that's what happens with the band. Drew, give me give us a little taste of some of the top top members that Maxie Priest was the guy that freaked out. Maxie Priest is the guy you weren't showing enough respect to. So we got up and left.

1:09:54 Adam Wasn't it?

1:09:55 Adam Seems like I wasn't in. Thank Christ. I was not in studio. I was I was out on remote doing it or something. Oh, wow. I couldn't figure out what happened.

1:10:03 Adam I remember we had the Pizzicato Five because you know, but it's kind of five. English cardigans.

1:10:09 Adam The cardigans.

1:10:10 Adam Top of the heat.

1:10:11 Adam Oh, that the cardigans. I like them. They're good band that I like their down. They had the chicks a blonde. You know, she looks so angelic ice princess. Pricks. All of them. Go ahead, Drew. Who else you got on there?

1:10:26 Adam You had violent fans.

1:10:27 Adam Violent fans. Violent. You think about violent fans. I like the music. Sort of. I mean, it's pretty good. It's not as good as they think it is. The violent fans think they reinvented the wheel and cured cancer and got rid of AIDS simultaneously instead of doing some sort of novelty music, which is fun. It's just foot tapping. I got no problem with the violent fans, but full attitude.

1:10:50 Adam Black rape.

1:10:51 Adam Black rape, pricks. Thank God they're gone. Some of these bands, thank God no one's even heard of because they're gone.

1:10:57 Adam They're gone so fast. Speaking of fun bands.

1:10:59 Adam Now, give me, come on.

1:11:00 Adam AFI. We got to hear an AFI song.

1:11:01 Adam We got to hear, but I want to hear a couple more.

1:11:04 Adam What does that say? Harvey Danger.

1:11:06 Adam Harvey Danger. Yeah, that a-hole. That big blockhead came in here all full of himself because he had one good song for ten minutes. Who else, Drew? Come on.

1:11:14 Adam Psycho-Miko, Cowboy Junkies.

1:11:16 Adam Cowboy Junkies. I like the Cowboy Junkies too, but horrible.

1:11:20 Caller I don't know.

1:11:21 Adam They had some good songs, like in the nineties. In the nineties. Cowboy Junkies weren't flash in the panty.

1:11:28 Adam Who else? During the AFI song, I'll make a list of bands we thought were great, enjoyable people.

1:11:34 Adam That's not good radio.

1:11:36 Adam Let's say around here it's on.

1:11:37 Adam I put AFI on there right now.

1:11:39 Adam On the good list.

1:11:39 Adam Yeah, put it right at the top.

1:11:41 Adam Why are we just doing bands?

1:11:42 Adam What about people?

1:11:43 Adam Because it's just the theme we're in.

1:11:46 Adam Put me on the top of the ass kissing list, okay?

1:11:49 Adam You want to ass kiss her?

1:11:50 Adam Yeah, put me there and then put AFI on the top of the band list.

1:11:52 Adam Got it.

1:11:52 Adam Alright, let's hear a little something from AFI. This one is called Dancing Through Sunday.

1:14:25 Drew You're dancing around the room.

1:14:31 Adam Top of the nice guy list over here. Damn right.

1:14:35 Drew You say that. Now, if we weren't sitting here, we wouldn't be on top of the list.

1:14:43 Adam These aren't in order.

1:14:44 Adam No.

1:14:44 Adam Everclear.

1:14:45 Adam Oh, yes, of course, of course.

1:14:46 Adam Drew and I were talking about the A-hole bands we've had on over the years. And by the way, we barely scratched the surface with the Cardigans and the Violent Femmes and at the drive-in. Psycho-mico and all those A-holes. But Nina Hogan, I wasn't even here for her, but I was proud of about 10 years for us on the show. Aquabats were fine, except for the Aquabats wanted to do the whole show as the Aquabats. And they're all born again Christians.

1:15:18 Adam Right.

1:15:18 Adam They're made for a tough night, tough outing for us. Yeah.

1:15:21 Adam They wanted to be the Aquabats that night. They wouldn't drop their Aquabats.

1:15:25 Drew What is their?

1:15:26 Adam And that, this is the whole point. This is the whole point. We, you see, you guys can run into these guys now when it's no big deal. We catch them when they're peaking, you know, we catch them because they never felt bad about themselves.

1:15:41 Drew I don't know who these people, they are they?

1:15:42 Adam That's my point. You would have known who they were if you were with us five years ago and you would have had to pretend like you liked them.

1:15:50 Adam That's all they would have insisted that you show them for full respect, as Maxie Priest pointed out to me.

1:15:55 Adam Maximum respect.

1:15:56 Adam I disrespected him by talking to Shaggy, who I like. Shaggy's on my list.

1:16:01 Adam You can't judge.

1:16:02 Adam Our list of bands we like is huge and I feel much better than them.

1:16:05 Adam Rattle off just a few. Good, good salt in the air.

1:16:07 Adam It's like a wedding list. Anywhere we left off, we apologize. We have many, many more friends we realize than we do people we don't like. So it's AFI, Kate Cracker, Real Big Fish, Ferv Pipe, Shaggy, Tonic, Bostones, Blues Traveler, Blink, Smashed Mouth, Sugar Ray, Everclear, Willie Nelson, Rod Stewart, Godsmack, System of a Down, Chili Peppers, Lincoln Park, Bad Religion.

1:16:25 Adam And that's all we could come up with.

1:16:26 Adam Just in that three minutes.

1:16:27 Adam One AFI song.

1:16:28 Adam You are an asshole. Oh, and the Insane Clown Posse. They're on our list too.

1:16:34 Adam If you have any other drops that remind us of of bands, please.

1:16:37 Adam People we like, feel free.

1:16:39 Adam Or that we don't like. Robbie. Robbie, you're on our list now. Put them on the list of people we don't like, Drew.

1:16:48 Caller Oh, there he is.

1:16:49 Adam Yeah, Robbie. You're 22.

1:16:52 Caller I'm just recently having some trouble. You know, when I'm about to have sex, I'm a pretty good-looking guy, I go out to bars. And I know.

1:17:02 Adam You'd better be good-looking if you're going out to bars.

1:17:03 Caller Yeah. Anyway, and talking to them, you know, I kind of already know that they want to go to their place at my place and go have sex and stuff. But then recently, like a couple hours before, once I get the idea in my head, I start to get like have trouble breathing and I feel like I can't really handle it. But it's only been happening these past couple months and I've had plenty of sex before.

1:17:33 Adam Well, you sound depressed right now. Have you been feeling depressed? And sometimes when you're depressed, you're just sort of prone to panic and anxiety and everything feels overwhelming and something, you know, getting, although it seems like no big deal getting involved with somebody on a sexual level, it's actually a very significant and sometimes stressful experience. And if you're already sort of overwhelmed and depressed, that's going to trigger panic, I would think. And, you know, we don't know you. There may be others. One of the things about panic attacks is they seem to come from nowhere.

1:18:03 Adam It's very hard to tell what is the environment that drew had one once. Oh, I don't know how to hear them dread a year of panic attack horrible. Couple of quick names. Dixie Chicks.

1:18:11 Adam Of course.

1:18:11 Adam Great girls. Of course came. I swear to Christ, came in here, brought us a whole big deli platter and stuff. It's a long story, but great sense of hearing.

1:18:19 Drew Are they from the south?

1:18:22 Adam They're from all. Texas. South.

1:18:24 Drew Southern.

1:18:25 Adam Tori Amos.

1:18:26 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:18:27 Adam Snoop Dogg's great.

1:18:28 Adam Snoop.

1:18:28 Adam Destiny's Child were great.

1:18:30 Adam Yes. They were here some time ago.

1:18:33 Adam Yeah, a couple of years back.

1:18:35 Caller Say my name, say my name.

1:18:46 Adam Crystal Method.

1:18:48 Adam Yeah.

1:18:48 Drew Nice.

1:18:51 Adam That was pretty good.

1:18:53 Drew That was me and Hunter that busted into that, wasn't you?

1:18:55 Adam I'd say you guys know Destiny's Child's work better than they do.

1:18:58 Adam Three Part Harmony.

1:18:59 Drew Amazing that two of us got in.

1:19:01 Adam 311. 311. I feel much better about ourselves. We're not negative.

1:19:09 Adam No. I'm a little angry at these other players.

1:19:12 Adam Yeah, but they deserve it. The point is. It's not like we're negative.

1:19:14 Drew We're being honest.

1:19:15 Adam It's not like we're negative. We hate people coming in.

1:19:17 Adam We're being realistic. I'm going to see the guy from Harvey Danger. He's going to spit my Chamba Juice. I'm going to get the protein smoothie. He's going to shoot a snap rocket into it. He is. We're going to happen. All right. Where are we going, Drew?

1:19:35 Adam Anyway, Robbie, one of the things you could maybe do is get a real relationship going. That might your mood. It might help some of the panic and things. So maybe settle down with the bar scene. If you're doing drugs and alcohol, it's going to make things worse.

1:19:45 Adam Yeah. This is a good time. Brianna? You're 15? You have a hair question for Davey?

1:19:55 Drew All right.

1:19:55 Caller Yeah.

1:19:56 Drew Let's go, Brianna.

1:19:58 Caller Hi, Davey.

1:19:59 Drew Hi, Brianna.

1:20:01 Caller Oh my gosh.

1:20:02 Caller I'm shaking right now.

1:20:03 Caller You don't understand.

1:20:06 Caller Breathe.

1:20:06 Caller Breathe. Me and my two friends are the biggest fans in the whole world. You don't understand.

1:20:13 Caller We talk about you every day.

1:20:15 Adam We do understand.

1:20:16 Drew Thank you.

1:20:17 Adam We got it.

1:20:18 Drew That's really nice. We appreciate it.

1:20:20 Caller I'm shaking right now. You have the greatest band, everyone, all of you put in an equal amount of effort. I love you guys so much.

1:20:29 Drew Thank you.

1:20:30 AFI Sorry, I have to say that.

1:20:33 Caller But I was wondering, your hair, baby, is so sexy. I can't handle it sometimes. How do you do it?

1:20:42 Adam Yeah, because I over-condition. Wait a minute, I never shower. That's right.

1:20:48 Drew You know, honestly, I...

1:20:50 Adam How do you do that?

1:20:51 Drew Honestly, I don't do too much.

1:20:53 Adam I was this close to asking, I know Drew has been for a couple of hours now.

1:21:00 Drew Well, guys, I deep-condition every once in a while.

1:21:04 Adam Hold on, slow down. Do you do like a hot oil?

1:21:09 Drew If necessary, but rarely. I try to keep it up so I don't have to do the hot oil.

1:21:12 Adam So Adam, that would be a shower.

1:21:14 Adam Deep-conditioning, yes.

1:21:15 Drew Do you trim it often? I should trim it more often, but I don't.

1:21:19 Adam Because you get split ends, you get fly-away.

1:21:21 Drew Yeah, it breaks off.

1:21:22 Adam My hair, I feel, is so much more manageable after. Because, you know, and I got that oily T-zone. I got the combination skin.

1:21:29 Drew Oh, me too.

1:21:30 Adam All right, so a deep condition.

1:21:33 Drew Every once in a while, but I really don't do too much to it. Lately, I've been trying to keep it out of dreadlocks because it likes to dread up. So that's my latest.

1:21:40 Adam How do you get the dread, how do you get it funkified for the dreadlocks?

1:21:44 Drew How do you go to dreads or away from it?

1:21:47 Adam Well, to it. Do you have to not shower?

1:21:49 Drew It's not the showering, it's the brushing. If I don't brush my hair out, when I brush my hair out, it actually looks like it does right now, which is really bad. So if you brush it out, it keeps the dreads out. But with your hair, if you just didn't brush it and grew it out, it would dread up.

1:22:03 Adam And how do you get rid of the dreads once you've got them?

1:22:06 Drew You can't, I mean...

1:22:07 Adam You just cut it off.

1:22:08 Drew If they dread up a little bit, like when mine dreads up a little bit, you can kind of brush through them. But if they're actually full dredge, you can't. You just gotta cut them off.

1:22:14 Adam I think my hair holds in smell more than other hair, too.

1:22:17 Adam It's like a sponge. No, again, if you showered.

1:22:19 Adam Yeah, but Drew, look at your hair.

1:22:21 Adam Yeah?

1:22:22 Adam It's nothing. It's like you got a couple... You got like an eyebrow and a half of mine worth of hair on there.

1:22:28 Adam Look at that. I can feel my scalp.

1:22:30 Adam My hair is like I'm wearing a helmet.

1:22:32 Adam Yeah, yeah, I get it.

1:22:34 Adam It smells like a beer in an ashtray.

1:22:36 Drew It's a curse, though, right? I mean, having big, thick hair. Oh, my God. It's rough.

1:22:41 Adam It's all right now, but it was a disaster in 1978. Everyone looked like Leif Garrett. I just looked like I had a helmet on my head. Everyone with the... Everyone with that crazy Sean Cassidy hair and all that feathering, all that ferofacet beach, all that beach hair. Remember that, Drew? That weird Brillo head trying to part it to the side. It looked like Danny Bonaducci from the Partridge family. Remember that? Like there's nothing worse than when a guy with really nappy, thick hair attempts to put a part in it.

1:23:17 Adam Oh, it's rough.

1:23:18 Drew Oh, you use a pomade or something?

1:23:20 Adam They didn't even...

1:23:24 Adam This speaks volumes about how little you know about the 70s.

1:23:27 Drew Well, pomade existed in the 70s.

1:23:29 Adam You weren't allowed to use that, though. You had to dry your hair straight.

1:23:34 Drew Dippity-doo or something.

1:23:37 Adam Adam, wait, wait, wait. They had something called the dry look.

1:23:42 Adam Do you remember that? Yeah, I remember that the wet head is dead. The vitalis or something. The wet head is dead. You know it worked because the hot model chick couldn't keep her hand out of that guy's freaking head. What a strange chick coming over rubbing your head like it's some sort of good luck stone or something. But listen, let me just tell you about the pain. Let me just tell you about it. All you kids, all you kids out there. First off, no internet, no TiVo, none of this. That goes without saying. No porn. We had no access to porn. The series didn't exist. You couldn't look at anything. You had to have a movie studio if you wanted to show porn.

1:24:23 Drew You know, the fourth grade classroom or something.

1:24:26 Adam Put it this way. Your parents, you wanted to look at some porn moving. Your parents, they didn't have to leave for work. They had to leave the country.

1:24:35 Adam You go to a movie theater.

1:24:35 Adam But then you'd be gone for like six months.

1:24:37 Adam You'd have to go to a movie theater. And you couldn't get in.

1:24:40 Adam You'd have to sneak into a porn theater and sit there with 70 other idiots. But that's not going to the porn. Here's the thing. Today, you can wear whatever hair you want.

1:24:53 Adam You wear the way the hair looks good.

1:24:55 Adam If your hair is thinning out, shave your head. Be a bald guy. No big deal. If you want to go fro, if you want to go dread, if you want to go long, if you want to go short, if you want to go buzz cut, if you want to go flat top, page boy, whatever you want, that's what you want. And when you walk around, you just see people wearing the hair that suits them. The guy with the curly hair, he's got the curly hair. And the guy with the straight, he's got the straight hair. And the bald guy shaves it or whatever. Back then, there was one hairdo. And it went on for about three years. Maybe three to five years. It was a junior high for me in high school for Drew. And getting into high school with me, too. Which, you had to have your hair feathered. It had to go back to be parted. And it had to feather back. And it looked essentially like Fair Fawcett's hair look in Charlie's Angels. And then there was a couple of these Tiger Beat heartthrob guys who had that hair. It's that Cassidy Brothers stuff. This long, long in the back, feathered, feather in the front. And that's it. Now, if you had a buzz cut, something happened.

1:25:57 Adam Yeah, you'd be institutionalized. You'd be so ostracized.

1:26:01 Adam There was one guy at our school who had a buzz cut. His name was Bobby Wilhite. It was like, what happened? I don't know. His dad's in the military or something. Someone abused him. Here's the deal. Haircut was punishment. Like a guy who got a buzz cut screwed up.

1:26:17 Drew Did something. What year was this?

1:26:19 Adam Oh, man, this is probably...

1:26:20 Drew 74.

1:26:21 Adam 74 through into the early 80s. It almost had like a seven, eight year run. You couldn't wear your hair how you wanted to wear your hair. Now, that was great for the guys who had the straight, long hair. As a matter of fact, goofy guys, little short guys with big noses and funny ears and double chins and everything, get laid based on executing the hair. And there were guys who were like, I remember them. They're like the guy had braces, all nose and braces. But look at that hair. Oh my God. And he's getting laid based on his hair. And meanwhile, I got this crazy nappy hair and I'm trying to comb it and force it in. Drew, picture me trying to fend off my hair. Disaster. Oh man, like old man, old dry and weird.

1:27:07 Adam It grows like flat on the top and straight like a shelf. Like a shelf.

1:27:11 Adam I gotta go to therapy. Take me to therapy. No, I need a helicopter to take me to therapy. Not fast enough. Medevac to therapy.

1:27:18 Adam Let's go.

1:27:19 Adam Alright, AFI, maybe we'll be back, maybe I won't.

1:27:21 Adam I'll be back.

1:27:22 Adam Alright, after this. I whizzed on myself, I was so traumatized.

1:27:47 Adam Just thinking about it.

1:27:48 Adam Yeah. Let me tell you about AFI's here tonight. Well, I don't know, we're done hearing songs from AFI, but put them on the list.

1:27:57 Adam They're up there. Top of the list.

1:28:00 Adam Yeah, you know, I'll tell you a disturbing trend with me is I've been wearing sweatpants to the radio station a lot, and no underpants. And when I take a whiz, Oh, it just leaks. a couple of dribbles on the walk back, and there's a weird feeling of the urine going down the thigh.

1:28:19 Drew Yeah, Adam, don't be ashamed to use that TP, man.

1:28:23 Adam Give it a little blot.

1:28:25 Adam That means you're getting old.

1:28:26 Adam Yeah, see, I'm not ready to.

1:28:28 Drew Well, you're gonna have to run down your leg.

1:28:30 Adam But then you're gonna get holes in your pants and stuff, stains, it's gonna be a good test.

1:28:34 Adam Yeah, I got the...

1:28:35 Adam What happened to the other end?

1:28:37 Adam Number two? That's still going.

1:28:38 Adam I think nothing gets out of the woods there, does it?

1:28:42 Adam No, no, that's fine. But this goes down to the muck luck. You know, it goes down and has a weird feeling. I gotta start doing something. I'm gonna put a dish towel down there. Maybe I'll do the tissue, maybe.

1:28:54 Adam Brianna?

1:28:54 Adam Again, I'm not ready for that.

1:28:55 Adam 17.

1:28:56 Adam Wait, didn't we talk to Brianna?

1:28:57 Adam We talked to a Brianna, no.

1:28:59 Adam Oh, 17. What's up, baby doll?

1:29:04 AFI Lately I've been having emotional outbursts and I'm kind of worried that I might have a disorder of some sort.

1:29:11 Adam Like what happened?

1:29:13 AFI Well, it's weird. It probably started like back in October where I felt really depressed and I would be fine and then I would just like, I don't know, kind of break away and I had one tonight and it seriously lasted for two hours. I just cried and cried and...

1:29:27 Adam So you're having episodes where you have... Yeah, you're on your period... .uncontrollable crying. Is that what you're saying? That's it, you don't...

1:29:34 AFI Not all the time, I mean...

1:29:35 Adam You don't cut on yourself, you don't have violent outbursts, you don't take it out on people or things.

1:29:40 AFI They just started from, like I woke up and I felt like grief and I just started crying and...

1:29:46 Adam What's all the depression about?

1:29:47 AFI Today, it was mostly about my boyfriend, which we've been together for a year and he has chronic fatigue syndrome. And I've been fine with the whole situation for a year, but I guess today I was...

1:30:01 Adam That just means he's a nut job.

1:30:09 Adam That can happen.

1:30:10 Adam I'm on board. But still, I don't know. I've seen bar virus, chronic fatigue.

1:30:16 Adam Well, the real chronic fatigue does start with a viral, that's the true one. People are just wiped out for a year after a virus.

1:30:21 Adam Yeah, but still. You see how that works? By the way, I'd like more people to start using that.

1:30:25 Adam Yeah, but still, my son uses it.

1:30:26 Adam Yeah, but still. If it's when you're wrong, you got nothing to say, but still you throw it back in the guy's car.

1:30:31 Adam I love it when I'm helping with homework. Jordan, this is not how you spell that. Yeah, but still.

1:30:34 Adam Yeah, but still. Watch, watch, try that exchange one more time. I'll tell you this chronic fatigue syndrome, nothing, nothing. I call it, it's just lazy, just being lazy.

1:30:43 Adam There's a real syndrome that can occur if fatigue wipes you out for a year after a virus.

1:30:47 Adam Yeah, but still. See how I was right? No effort, no reading, no medical school, no nothing. Walk away feeling pretty good about myself. It's at least a push.

1:31:00 Caller It's flawless.

1:31:01 Adam It turns, it turns a severe loss into a tie.

1:31:04 Caller Oh man.

1:31:05 Adam Okay, so Brianna, do you have an eating disorder or anything like that yourself?

1:31:10 AFI No, I don't actually.

1:31:14 Adam What was the trauma?

1:31:15 AFI My dad used to hit me. And we actually went to court for it, but now.

1:31:19 Adam All right, so that's, you have had some treatment for that?

1:31:23 AFI No, I'm kind of scared to tell my parents about it because I don't know what they would think.

1:31:27 Adam Treatment for the trauma. You should be getting treatment for your dad physically abusing you.

1:31:35 Adam Granny, you went to court for it.

1:31:37 Adam Went to court.

1:31:38 Adam Oh my goodness, it's amazing how they defend it.

1:31:40 Adam Go, listen. First off, you need therapy for whatever attacks you're having now. Secondly, you need them because you're a survivor.

1:31:48 Adam She knows she's a trauma survivor. That changes the wiring in your brain and the integration in the emotional system, so it makes them difficult to regulate. That's why you have these outbursts. You get stuck in negative affect states and you can't get out.

1:31:58 Adam All right, real fast. I feel bad for Mary over here. She's 15, has a question about BJ's breast implants.

1:32:04 Adam What'd you ask about the breast implants? What about the breast implant?

1:32:09 AFI But before I ask my question, I just want to say that, David, I love you more than that other chick.

1:32:16 Adam Oh, but maybe.

1:32:18 Adam You're not breathing as hard as she was.

1:32:19 Adam Yeah.

1:32:19 Adam She was sort of.

1:32:20 Adam And you're all distant second to me. I love this kid's hair.

1:32:25 Drew I can accept being second to Adam, thank you.

1:32:27 Adam Yeah, thank you.

1:32:27 Drew That's that's high.

1:32:29 Adam Now we're at a show.

1:32:29 Adam We got to go break.

1:32:30 Adam She said hi, though. Here's the thing about the BJ and the boob job. Boob job at least three years away.

1:32:38 Adam Three years away.

1:32:39 Adam Next weekend.

1:32:40 Adam Be safe.

1:32:40 Adam No, three years away. Everything's three years away. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:32:44 OK, so I know there's nothing wrong with me. So what's up? 877-889-DATE.

1:33:03 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:33:20 Adam Well, that's the show. Thank you for having us. Top of the list. Sing the Sorrow, name of the CD. Go out and get that. I'm sure you already have. Mazel Tov, guys. Continued success. You come back anytime you like. Thank you very much. Well, some thanks for Thanks or Do. I want to thank Brian for doing a great job on the phones all week long. There's Junior, Junior, Producer Lauren for doing a great job. Producer Ann for booking such a classy guest as AFI. Chris, Engineer Chris over here at the Mother Station. Of course, the nimble fingered one, Engineer Anderson back at Westwood 2, as we like to call it. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying Mahalo.

1:34:11 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Ingold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback

Thursday, February 19, 2004