Episode 1000594411412

1:10 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. Hey, everybody, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191, Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. You know, we play a little show called Germany or Florida on the show, because we get tired of talking to the kiddies every once in a while about the crabs. And somebody sent us a nice article in the mail that talks about why all bizarre crimes come out of Germany.

1:35 Drew Crimes most outlandish, the headline says.

1:38 Adam Yeah, they're an interesting breed over there, the Germans.

1:40 Drew I was reading a little bit of it. The violent crime rate is substantially lower in the United States and has continued to drop. And yet the bizarre, sort of the cork flying out of the bottle kind of stuff, you know, when something's gone. What's the word, what am I trying to say?

1:57 Adam Well, let me explain how the Germans do their killing. They do it in bunches. They don't spread it out like we do. You see what I mean? We do our killing like, well, we kill a couple hundred, maybe a few thousand people nationally. Each year we spread it out. They save up. About every 30 years, they go on a spree. See what I'm saying?

2:15 Drew We're in one now?

2:15 Adam Round up the Jews. You understand what I'm saying, Drew? The Germans do their killing in bunches and they do it in a national way. They don't do it, we trickle ours. We do ours slowly. They save up.

2:29 Drew Prison by prison.

2:30 Adam They're making their move. They're getting ready to make their move.

2:32 Drew I see.

2:33 Adam And as I've said many times, nothing wrong with another bombing of Germany. I'm all for it. Whatever they got for World War II wasn't nearly enough.

2:41 Drew This article suggests that most of the people doing it are immigrants, though, who don't feel a part of Germany.

2:46 Adam Well, they're trying to blend in by engaging a bizarre crime ax. That's the best way to do it.

2:51 Drew There you go.

2:52 Adam So I get a little crap for saying we should bomb Germany again, but I'm all for it. Really? Anything I haven't said? We're done with them?

3:00 Drew If you want to, well, you could try to not buy their cars if you wanted.

3:03 Adam Or try to eradicate the Jews? Try to exterminate a race of people? All right, we're done. You guys are on your feet. Here you go. No? Maybe just a little. DA let me ask you, answer this, Drew. You think they got enough for World War II and World War I, for that matter? Did they get enough?

3:23 Drew It was pretty good.

3:25 Adam They got enough, huh? For starting two World Wars in the course of about 20 years? We're done?

3:31 Drew Well, let's put this way.

3:32 Adam They got enough? That rounding up the camps, the ovens? We got enough? We're done?

3:39 Drew I'll be talking back into more.

3:40 Adam Yeah, go do me a favor. Go to England and go visit the museum, the Holocaust Museum over there. Take a look around. Just really reacquaint yourself with some of the techniques the folks would use over there. And then tell me, maybe just one more quick, one more light bombing. That's all. Just a dusting of Dresden. Let's get, and like I said, we just do it and we give them a, you know what that was? That, you know, once in a while, like dads, they whack their kid one in the head and the kid goes, what was that? I know what you were thinking, okay? Don't even think about it. That's what we do. That's what we do at Germany. Quick, quick bombing of Germany. And that's that little slap in the head. You guys are overdue. I know what you're thinking. Don't even think about it. All right?

4:31 Drew Good times.

4:32 Adam All right, Drew, well, Drew wants it. But Drew's all for what we're doing over there in the Middle East. Interesting. Lena? Well, uh-oh. That's Lena.

4:45 Drew That says Lena.

4:46 Adam You're 22? All right, more talking about bombing Germany. Heather? Yes. You're 30? No, you're 20. What's up? Hold on a second. And Drew, nobody called you today and told you you couldn't talk. They told you what you couldn't talk about, but they didn't tell you what you, you couldn't talk. They said you couldn't move your mouth. Jesus Christ. Weirdo.

5:12 Caller Yes.

5:13 Adam Drew's all weirded out over here. What's up?

5:16 Caller Well, I have two questions. One, I just went to go get a checkup and I found out I had a cervixitis. I'm not quite sure what that is, but.

5:27 Drew Just means inflammation of the cervix.

5:30 Caller Right, and is, I mean, is that like an STD or is it, I mean, it can be.

5:35 Drew Sometimes it's something as simple as a yeast infection. Sometimes it's a vaginal infection like a Gardnarella, something like that, just a bacteria that overgrows. And sometimes it's an STD.

5:45 Adam Well, either way, it's gotta be removed.

5:48 Caller Okay, she, my doctor gave me medicine to take, but just for a week. And also gave me some to give to my boyfriend.

5:58 Drew What does she give you?

6:01 Adam He's gotta eat it.

6:02 Drew Is it flagell or metronidazole? Does she tell you you can't use alcohol while you're taking it? That'd be tough.

6:10 Adam That's a deal breaker.

6:10 Drew Think about that. You imagine that?

6:11 Adam That's a deal breaker. That is a deal breaker.

6:14 Drew All right. Well, the fact that the boyfriend needs to be treated to does suggest at least has the potential to be sexually transmitted.

6:20 Adam Okay. And that's a pill then for him, right?

6:23 Caller Right.

6:23 Adam There's nothing topical.

6:24 Drew No. I bet it's flagell for both of them. So if it is metronidazole or flagell, do not drink, it can make you violently ill.

6:31 Caller Really?

6:32 Adam All right, but it doesn't get you effed up, huh? It just gets you ill? All right, not down. See, that's the whole thing. When I see the prescription medication that has the martini glass with the cross going through it, and by the way, we've never really improved on that martini glass that's sort of sideways in the things going through it, right?

6:53 Drew With a few bubbles coming out of it always, right?

6:55 Adam Yeah, is this a champagne glass or is it a martini glass? It's shaped like a martini glass, yet it has the bubbles coming out. It's a professin. It's a very confusing message. Should we be mixing the booze with the glasses? But when I see that, that means booze it up. Bring it on. That's supersizing, whatever it is for me. Oodey, Ood-eye, Koo-say?

7:26 Oodey? Oh, yes.

7:29 Adam All right, sorry we caught you off guard. Is it Oodey?

7:33 Well, you can just call me Diana.

7:38 Adam That ship has sailed a long time ago, Udey. Udey. Here we go.

7:48 Drew Here we go.

7:48 Adam What's happening?

7:49 Drew I want a clapping Adam again tonight.

7:51 Adam Let's get it going now.

7:52 Drew Here we go, pick it up.

7:54 Let's go, Oodey.

7:55 Adam All right, what do you say now? What's the question now? Grab a knee, don't sit on your helmets now. They're not chairs. Let's get a hand in, break it down.

8:04 Drew All right, Dan, here we go.

8:05 Break it down.

8:09 Well, actually, I was abused, actually abused when I was about five years old.

8:14 Adam Touched by a family member.

8:18 Drew Who was it?

8:18 And who did it? It was my half-brother. I lived with him.

8:23 Drew Your half-brother?

8:24 Half-brother.

8:26 Half-brother.

8:27 Drew What's he doing now?

8:29 Nothing with his life, but... He's going and getting married. He's a pretty quiet guy now. And I see him on a daily basis. It doesn't bother me.

8:40 Adam Daily. How old were you when he did this?

8:45 Caller I was about five or six.

8:48 Adam And he was how?

8:48 He was about 15.

8:50 Adam 15. Hold on a second. So that's a biggin.

8:53 Caller Yeah.

8:55 Adam You give me half brother, 13 and 12 kind of thing. You get the experimental thing. And then you give me the both kids kind of thing. But 15 and-

9:07 Drew Or both adolescents, both 16 and 17.

9:09 Adam Yeah, something like that. But I was just, yeah, see that's more step brother action. The half brother at 16. So you're getting weird now. But 15 and five.

9:19 Drew Who got to him?

9:20 Adam That's like bizarre.

9:21 Drew Yeah.

9:22 From her previous marriage and-

9:25 Drew Who abused him?

9:27 I have no idea. Well, he's never had a father figure in his life.

9:31 Drew No, somebody sexually abused him.

9:32 Adam Yeah, that- Something happened to that kid because it just does not- It's not in your emotional- Not your mental vocabulary at 15 to be goosing five-year-olds. Just isn't.

9:46 Right.

9:47 Drew Okay. Not unless you yourself have been physically sexually abused.

9:50 I'm a very insecure person and I can't seem to turn all the negative- I'm very pessimistic. I can't seem to turn any negative energy into positive. I have a best friend who's studying engineering, software engineering and everything. And I just, I feel less than he is. I just can't get through school just like he is. I compare myself-

10:14 Adam An engineer, I mean. Okay, you're going to college, right?

10:19 Right. I'm taking general courses.

10:22 Adam What's your nationality?

10:25 Drew Yeah, Mexican. Chicago.

10:27 Adam And they let you into Chicago? I guess they're just opening, they're opening all the cities up these days. Okay. She may have been there in a gardening scholarship or something like that.

10:37 You guys are kind of cutting off there.

10:39 Adam Oh, it's probably best. I was making some racial jokes. Listen, listen, what your brother did to you was wrong and is gonna leave lasting effects on you. And you gotta get some therapy for that. There's nothing wrong with you. You're doing pretty damn good for someone who's been through what you've been through.

10:57 Drew Exactly, and sex abuse.

10:59 It wasn't the only time with my brother, only it was with other people as well. Also, no one really found out about those incidents.

11:07 Adam Who were the other people?

11:10 We used to rent for some people and I don't know, it was the owner. And it was him, and one time it was the brother of the owner of the house. I don't really, we don't really know those people directly and we have lost touch with them years ago.

11:27 Drew How old were you at the time when these guys did this?

11:29 I was about four years old. It was around the same time, like earlier.

11:35 Drew So your brother was not the first one to do it?

11:38 Correct, mm-hmm, right.

11:40 Drew What's up with your mom? What's up with your mom?

11:43 Adam What's up with your mom?

11:44 Well, you know how it is with Mexican people immigrating to the United States?

11:50 Adam We can't judge, we will not judge.

11:52 They come here to work and sometimes they're too busy off at work, they really, they're...

11:59 Adam Yeah. They leave the kids alone. No, let me, yeah, okay, let me tell you something. Let me explain something to Drew. You whities over there, your kids, I mean, you guard your kids like Fort Knox. Right. The workin, let me tell you something about people that work, especially when mom's at work and dad's either not on the scene or wherever. Kids are sort of out and about. I mean, you gotta count on neighbors and school people and friends and drunken dads.

12:29 Drew And look what happens.

12:30 Adam Yeah, look what happens. And think about the kind of people your kid is hanging out with. When, you know, I mean, like when I was young, half the kids I hung out with, their dads were like alcoholics and stuff.

12:42 Drew So let me get this straight. Both your parents were working so hard. They left you to make entertainment for yourself.

12:50 Adam No, my mom couldn't be, you know, pried out of her room with a shoehorn in a case of K-Y.

12:56 Drew Because her work was there at her desk, on her computer.

13:00 Adam Look, her work was napping and smoking a little weed. You understand? She was a proud immigrant woman, squatting.

13:09 Drew Her parents immigrated to this country 3,000 years ago. By the way, strangely, that behavior, not immigrant behavior. Strangely, that's- Hanging out? That super hanging out is like sixth generation American.

13:20 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know, it's just, no one informed my family. Most people actually have a little money before they get into that hangout stuff.

13:30 Drew That's the irony of the American-

13:31 Adam You guys are hammering welfare checks and hanging out. But listen, Udi, Yudai, Adi, she gotta get herself some therapy. She's doing well.

13:44 Drew Yeah, for what she's been through, but she cannot feel- She has a severe self-worth issue. I would be surprised if she were a cutter. Let's just quickly ask.

13:52 Udi? Yes?

13:54 Drew Do you ever cut on yourself?

13:56 Yeah, from an accident, though. Not from self-mutilation or anything. You know?

14:02 Drew That's sort of a strange answer.

14:04 Adam Well, Drew wasn't asking if you've ever had a cut.

14:09 Drew Do you have an impulse to self-mutilate?

14:12 Um, maybe a throw up at times. I think about, you know, just throwing up with my ear.

14:20 Adam Okay, look, how about some therapy? You're going to the college, right?

14:25 Right.

14:26 Adam Use, avail yourself of those resources.

14:29 Drew There are great resources at every school in the country, essentially.

14:32 Is there anyone or any place you guys can recommend for people?

14:36 Drew Go to your student health services.

14:38 Adam That's right.

14:39 Drew Student health services, go to the mental health services. There will be someone for you.

14:43 Adam That's right.

14:43 Drew It's the best time to use, that's the best health services in the country, the stuff designed age-specific for kids in school.

14:49 Adam Yeah, use it all. Because then you get out of college, you know, no one cares about you anymore, you don't have any insurance, and no one's going to look after you. Michael?

14:58 Caller Yes.

15:00 Adam You're 17.

15:01 Drew Yeah. Michael?

15:05 Caller Yeah.

15:07 Drew This is where you speak.

15:09 Caller Well, I speak, yes. Actually, I've been, I've been smoking weed for about four years now.

15:15 Drew You're saying this has to be a drug call. And by the way, how dare you? Weed does not affect people. I've seen some studies from the 70s that show proof.

15:25 Adam Listen, everyone, No effect. Everyone I know smokes weed, looks like those guys that are, when they're on the satellite, they got the earpiece in, and they're trying to join in on those political round tables, but they're, they got on, I think, a three second delay. It's always a little herky-jerky, a little bumpy. They're not quite sure. Stilted and late, cadence is a little bad.

15:46 Drew The circuits aren't all open.

15:48 Caller Right.

15:49 Adam All right.

15:49 Drew Michael.

15:50 Adam Go ahead, Michael. Here we go now.

15:52 Caller All right. What it is, is I've been trying to quit. I've tried constantly, and it's like, I mean, it's pretty much virtually impossible. And I mean, when I try, like, if I even go a day without smoking, I just get very irritated and everything.

16:06 Drew So you've proven yourself that you're addicted to pot. Now, why don't you get treatment?

16:10 Caller I've, I was asking, I was just wanting to see if you had any, like, specific advice to help, you know, I mean, because, like, I've just been trying to quit so I can get a better job and all this and that. But I mean, yeah, you will.

16:22 Drew You're addicted. So you will not stop or you will switch to something else. And the only way that it will stop is with treatment. And you can go to a program. Would you have a Phoenix or Tucson?

16:34 Caller Chandler, actually.

16:36 Drew Is it near? Is it near one of the biggest cities? Near Phoenix.

16:41 Adam Go to MA.

16:42 Drew Yeah, just go to MA.

16:44 Adam He doesn't have any money.

16:45 Drew Go to AA if there's not a specific MA referral. Ask for MA. Marijuana Anonymous. There will be a lot of Michaels there. It's a common story.

16:53 Adam How? A lot of guys named Mike over there?

16:55 Drew Just the guys that look and act and have a story like Mike's.

16:58 Adam I'm hip. I thought you specifically meant the name. Who funds all this MA and CA and SA and all this? Where do they get all the money?

17:09 Drew For what?

17:10 Adam Whatever. They got to get the basement at the church rented out? No.

17:15 Drew That's why they're in churches and stuff. They get free space.

17:18 Adam Oh, yeah. See, if I was a church, I would rent my space out.

17:22 Drew Some people might. It's the coffee and the whatever else.

17:26 Adam It doesn't cost anything?

17:27 Drew They probably round up a little something.

17:30 Adam You never hear about fundraisers or anything.

17:32 Drew No, they're not. They're not commercial entities. They have no...

17:35 Adam No, I just mean every other organization is out rattling the can all the time, trying to get money out of everybody.

17:43 Drew There's a real tradition against that in AA.

17:47 Adam It's nice. It's just, you know, I wish, you know, I wish AIDS folks would take a page out of the AA book and leave everyone alone.

17:56 Drew 12 traditions. 12 and 12.

17:58 Adam 12 what?

17:59 Drew The traditions of AA.

18:00 Adam 12 traditions is what?

18:01 Drew Yeah, one of them is you don't...

18:03 Adam Not begging for money every goddamn five seconds?

18:06 Drew Not creating commercial entity.

18:07 Adam Good. The rest of you...

18:09 Drew Which is why, by the way, this thing remains free for everybody. What do you mean?

18:13 Adam If they had... If they had money, it'd be better.

18:17 Drew No. If it is such a service, people could start charging for it very easily, and then all the people that don't have money would no longer have access to it.

18:25 Adam I like the fact that they're very accessible. They're open everywhere, and every city in the country has one. You never hear them asking for money. Yeah.

18:35 Drew It's against the tradition.

18:36 Adam Jessica? You're 16?

18:39 Caller Uh-huh.

18:40 Adam What's up, baby doll?

18:41 Caller Okay, my question is, okay, I recently had a baby. My daughter is five months now. And I wanted to know if a person's body weight has anything to do with the strength in their vaginal muscles, because since her, sex is just nothing.

18:56 Drew That is more......in the hallway. That is much more to do with your hormonal situation, and sort of how aroused you are or not by the...

19:05 Caller But it's like I want to. I do. I really do.

19:08 Drew But not the way you did before pregnancy, though.

19:11 Caller Not even the way before during. It's just...

19:15 Drew It's different. That's right. That's a real common thing after pregnancy. Are you still breastfeeding?

19:18 Uh-uh.

19:21 Drew Are you menstruating normally?

19:24 Not quite.

19:25 Caller It's kind of been...

19:26 Drew You may want to talk to your doctor about going on the birth control pill. Sometimes that will help sort of kickstart things.

19:31 Caller You were fading out.

19:32 Drew Sometimes going on the birth control pill at this stage of the game can sort of kickstart things. You may want to talk to your doctor about that.

19:38 Caller I've been on the birth control since after she was born because they told me that it was real easy to get pregnant again. So I've been on a Depravera shot, but...

19:45 Drew Depravera is the worst thing you could possibly do. That'll shut you down completely. It's a great contraceptive, but not for this problem you're having.

19:51 Adam Drew, try standing on the mic, would you, buddy? What are you doing? You're up on your feet. When you're doing a lounge act or something, sit down and relax.

19:58 Caller I'm just kind of nervous.

20:00 Drew Jessica, what's really shutting you down is that Depravera shot. You need to find a different means of contraception, maybe the pill or the patch.

20:09 Adam I got one. How about the pill or maybe the patch?

20:12 Caller Not the pill, but what kind of pill?

20:15 Adam Hey, baby doll.

20:16 Caller Like orthotricycline, the patch.

20:18 Drew That's fine. Orthotricycline would be great. In fact, for some women, that really gets things going.

20:22 Adam That's your pill. Where's your man? Is he around?

20:28 Caller Actually, not at the moment. He's working.

20:30 Adam He's working. He's going to take care of you. He's going to take care of the kid.

20:33 Caller See, that's not the problem. He's fine. He's wonderful, and everything's wonderful, but it's just not wonderful.

20:40 Adam How old is he?

20:41 Caller He's 21.

20:43 Drew Jessica, are you not hearing me when I tell you what the Depra-Provera shot typically does?

20:48 Caller Well, no, that didn't make me get fat, too.

20:50 Drew Well, no, that may be the pregnancy.

20:52 Adam All right, I'm just trying to do the whole hang-up-with-my-fist. How many goddamn times do we got to tell you to get on the pill? You're taking a shot, it's working great in terms of not getting pregnant, but it may be shutting you down sexually, so you need to adjust that.

21:09 Drew That's right.

21:10 Adam Jesus Christ.

21:11 Drew I wonder if we could just add estrogen into the Depo-Provera shot.

21:16 Adam Why not?

21:17 Drew I don't hear of that ever, but that would be the thing to do.

21:20 Adam Listen, let's start putting that thing in dart form. See if we can slow down these teen pregnancies.

21:25 Drew Jessica was 16.

21:27 Adam Yes, got no problem with that. This is really the problem. Focus is on, I've got to get laid, not prenatal care or I've got to take care of my infant. Look, I don't blame... I mean, picture me at 16. Picture you at 16.

21:45 Drew Horrible.

21:47 Adam I would have crushed my child like a retarded kid, like I was playing too hard with it. Yeah, like Lenny.

21:53 It's just lying there.

21:57 Drew Wake up, wake up.

21:59 Adam I'd be telling a social worker, I tried to put it in the tub, but then I forgot and the cartoons came on. The baby would just be lying in the tub. I want to give it a bath.

22:14 Drew Yay, yay. Yeah.

22:19 Adam I would have killed the kid.

22:21 Drew I could not have raised anything.

22:25 Adam No, no.

22:26 Drew I mean, tarantula.

22:27 Adam No, you would have killed the tarantula. Oh, I did kill the tarantula. That's right. I didn't mean to, though. But, Drew, you Yeah, you would have killed a reptile. Yeah, easily. It would have got down to the 60s. You would have forgot to leave the heat light on.

22:42 Drew Oh, that's way too common. No, long before that happened, something else would have happened.

22:47 Adam What is it about the reptiles, by the way, that they won't eat when we want them to eat? You know, we talked about this before. I knew about three guys who owned snakes at various points in my life. And it was always big excitement. It's feeding time, man. We got a mouse. We're going to throw it in there. Watch this. Throw the mouse in there. It's like, he's not moving. But don't worry, he's going to strike like a cobra, you know. Half hour goes by. Eventually, the mouse crawls, is crawling on top of the snake and sleeping on top of the snake. You still come, you go away, you come back, isn't doing anything. They always eat them when you're not around. It's never any fun at all. You know, does that do? Fish do that too.

23:28 Drew Yeah, they eat suddenly, yeah.

23:29 Adam You try to get a fish to eat another fish. Look, we enjoy watching other things eat other things. As much as we enjoy eating things. It's real, it's nice, it's nice for us, especially that one gulp stuff. See, there's not, you don't want to see a bunch of hyenas gnawing at a gazelle. Blood all over their face, tearing the flesh apart.

23:49 Drew Stuff sucked up.

23:51 Adam Yeah, I like, I like to see like a big grouper just swallow a bass or something, just pow. I guess they're both basses. One's a little bigger. Anyway, they're both in the bass family. Let's take a break, Drew. I'm going to figure this fish thing out. I'd like to see a channel where fish just ate other fish.

24:10 Drew The restaurant food channel.

24:12 Adam No, no, I want to see fish swallowing other fish. Do you see what I'm saying?

24:17 Drew You want to see the food chain like in fast motion.

24:20 Adam Yeah, but I don't want to see, I don't want to see sharks gnawing at stuff. You've got to swallow it whole. I could watch that forever. And then the weird ones that are old camouflage and they look like rocks or something and then pow!

24:32 Drew Right, that's the good one.

24:33 Adam Yeah, that's sweet.

24:34 Drew They suck them in.

24:35 Adam All right, we'll take a quick, you ever seen that lure fish that dangles the thing out in front of it? Other fish come around, it sucks it up?

24:42 Drew Diabolical.

24:43 Adam Angler, yeah, the Angler fish. Look that up, Chris. Punching the Angler fish on it. It's very exciting. Look at that Angler fish, Drew. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back. I'm Adam. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew's on the computer, we're both looking at the angler fish, freakiest fish you've ever seen in your life. God bless that internet. Now Drew's telling me how many square feet are in an acre. 43,550?

25:30 Drew 60.

25:30 Adam 560, oh, all right. Yeah, we can keep ourselves entertained over here, and educated, yes, Drew?

25:36 Drew Yeah, of course, growing constantly.

25:38 Adam Let's speak to Anthony, who's 23. Anthony?

25:43 Caller Yes, how you doing?

25:44 Adam What's happening?

25:46 Caller Nothing, let's see, I had unprotected sex with my girlfriend. The following morning we went to Planned Parenthood, got the, what's it called?

25:58 Adam Morning after pill.

26:00 Caller Yeah, morning after pill, right? Fabulous. That night we had unprotected sex again.

26:05 Adam Well, as long as you learned a lesson.

26:07 Drew What was the plan?

26:11 Caller What'd you say, Adam?

26:13 Adam No, okay, so you had unprotected sex again that night.

26:16 Caller Right. And I figured, cause, you know, it's basically like a birth control pill except three times stronger, right? Just wondering if we were still protected or not.

26:29 Drew Well, it's a really interesting question. I think you probably would be, but in reality, I think most people would recommend you to take it again the next day.

26:40 Adam Well, it's not like you're on the birth control pill.

26:45 Drew No, right, no, it isn't at all.

26:47 Adam You took a high dosage of a form of birth control pill that had some effect over you possibly getting pregnant, but it's not like you're on the pill for that day.

26:58 Drew No, it's not.

26:59 Adam I think he looks at it as, well, she took the pill.

27:02 Drew That day, yeah.

27:03 Adam But if you go on the pill, you can't have sex the first day you go on the pill, and technically the pill's in you, right?

27:09 Drew Right, you gotta wait a month to really be protected.

27:12 Adam Right, just for me, it's a month of pure oral, nothing but.

27:17 Drew Interesting.

27:18 Adam Oral month, I call it. Oral timber, oct-oral, I call it. Yeah, it's the 13th month. The point is, it was on the old Roman calendar. I see, yeah. You changed it. So, what's Anthony gotta do?

27:36 Drew She probably has to take it again. He's actually probably okay.

27:40 Adam What was the time period, though?

27:42 Drew Well, part of the problem, by the way, will be that if she ovulates, say, two days from now, the sperm could still be waiting there for the egg. She needs, it could still happen. And so the suppression of the ovulation may not be as effective three days out from the pill taken the day before. The idea is to not let the egg come down while the sperm is still waiting up there. And this way, the sperm has like a 24-hour head start, see? So she could suddenly drop an egg. So probably they'd have you repeat them when you have to pill the next day.

28:15 Adam I dropped a few eggs in here last night. Did you notice that?

28:18 Drew Oh, yeah, yeah.

28:20 Adam Yeah.

28:21 Drew Rotten eggs.

28:22 Adam I dropped an egg. No birth control pill gonna stop that.

28:24 Drew No, no.

28:25 Adam Only an act of God could have stopped that. Yeah.

28:28 Drew I'm trying to figure out which one.

28:29 Adam And he's a fan. Megan?

28:32 Yeah.

28:32 Drew Which act that is?

28:33 Adam You're 19?

28:36 Caller Yes, I am.

28:36 Adam What's happening, baby doll?

28:39 Caller I am diagnosed with bipolar disorder and whenever I have my little mood swings and I get in the mania stage, I get a little overly promiscuous.

28:52 Adam Mm-hmm.

28:54 Drew So when you get manic, you get hypersexual?

28:57 Adam And what do you do?

28:59 Caller I'm pretty much either masturbate or engage in sex.

29:06 Drew With different guys?

29:08 Adam Yes.

29:09 Drew And is that, you ever got an ST die? Any consequences from that?

29:15 Adam ST die, that's a good, that's one of those.

29:17 Drew That's my new nomenclature.

29:18 Adam That's a horror movie.

29:19 Drew Yeah.

29:23 Adam It's like a, it's a health class that's haunted at a junior college, yeah?

29:29 Drew No, it's, it's, it's a, Freddy is. He is the coach and the ST, the, the health instructor. Right? No, I can't do it. Or somebody wolf may like it.

29:40 Adam I like the haunted health class and you know, the crabs are like the size of hubcabs.

29:44 Drew Okay, good, yeah.

29:45 Adam Who are we talking to?

29:46 Drew Megan.

29:47 Adam Oh, Megan, all right. Megan? How many guys you had sex with this way? This way.

29:54 Caller 20. 20.

29:57 Drew Are you a drama survivor? Have you used sexual abuse growing up?

30:01 Caller No, I wasn't.

30:03 Drew And are you an addict?

30:07 Caller No, I've never really been able to get addicted to anything. I've recently quit smoking pot for the past two months.

30:15 Drew Okay, here's the deal. Are you taking your meds?

30:17 Caller Yes, I am every day.

30:19 Drew But when you, what happens when you become manic? Are you just brittle and get manic no matter what, or do you stop taking your medicines? You stop taking your meds, right?

30:29 Caller No, just the past medication that they had me on wasn't like strong enough. And now they're switching me on medication.

30:37 Drew And you know how, you understand how biological this disorder is, right? So really, the important thing here is prevent from becoming manic again. And that's about taking the medicine.

30:47 Adam What do you mean become brittle? You said if you miss, yeah.

30:49 Drew Just like diabetics can be brittle and no matter what you do, their sugars are always up and you can't get them under control. Some bipolar's are that way too. They just, they can be stable for a while and all of a sudden span.

30:59 Adam But she's not taking her meds.

31:01 Drew No, she was. She just wasn't taking the right ones and now is stable. So that's fine.

31:05 Adam Well, there you go.

31:06 Drew But good times, huh?

31:08 Adam Well, it's a loss for the male community. And where were all these manic chicks when I was in high school? You know what I'm saying?

31:17 Drew There with your buddies.

31:18 Adam Oh yeah, that's true. That's true.

31:21 Drew Laura, it takes all kinds though.

31:22 Adam It does take all kinds. You're 23? What's happening?

31:27 Caller I'm dating an older guy who is kind of slightly overweight, like not obese or anything, but he's a few extra pounds. And he's apparently very self-conscious about it. So what he does is he makes jokes to me about it. I guess I'll be okay with it.

31:38 Drew About his weight?

31:39 Caller Mm-hmm.

31:40 Drew How much does he weigh?

31:41 Caller Oh, I don't know, maybe about 220, 230. I mean, nothing, I mean, 62. So I mean, it's nothing like grossly overweight or anything.

31:49 Caller Mm-hmm.

31:49 Caller But I don't know what to say to him when he says jokes like this, because I kind of would like him to go to the gym a little bit.

31:55 Adam How old is he? 32.

31:58 Caller The only weight I lift is my own, my big fat ass every day when I wake up. Ha ha ha ha!

32:02 Ha ha ha ha!

32:04 Caller That was pretty good! Ha ha ha ha!

32:08 Drew The irony is those guys would have no trouble going to the gym. That's mania, right there.

32:11 Adam Little, little insane clown posse for you. Well, what does he do? What does he eat? Does he eat poorly?

32:18 Caller No, not really. I mean, if he went to the gym, maybe a couple times a week, it would be okay.

32:24 Drew But... For guys, it takes more than a couple times a week. Here's that, for the kids at that age. But what, would you go to the gym?

32:30 Caller Do I?

32:30 Drew Yes. Can you go with, can you take them along?

32:33 Caller It's an all girls gym that I go to.

32:35 Adam Oh, really?

32:36 Drew What's it called?

32:38 Caller You wanted the name of it?

32:38 Drew It's like there's circuit gyms now they have.

32:41 Adam It's a 24-hour Lesbo. It's a chain. Oh man, would that draw dudes too. Especially dudes. I'm gonna start a gym chain called 24-hour Lesbo. Ironically, all dudes. But each one of them that signs up thinks he's the only dude. It's like, okay, that's the whole thing. That's a sales pitch. 24-hour Lesbo. And then every guy signs up, it's like, I don't know, I instruct all my guys.

33:10 We're not supposed to let guys in.

33:13 Adam Are you cool? Oh, yeah. I mean, can you maintain? I mean, because we just, we only have one shower and Jacuzzi and sauna area. I mean, if you promise-

33:22 Drew You can pretend you're gay, too. Gay male.

33:26 Adam No.

33:26 Drew No, that wouldn't work?

33:27 Adam No, because it's all, it's all chick. No. Well, half, then it's gonna be nothing but gays.

33:32 Drew I understand. You see you let one guy in, you mean? I didn't follow you.

33:36 Adam Chris, you didn't, no. Chris knows.

33:38 Drew Chris had to work.

33:39 Adam Every guy we sign up thinks he's the only guy in there. Got it, got it, got it.

33:44 Drew You see? You never let him, you keep the doors closed.

33:47 Adam We don't let him know. But we do that, okay dude, I could get fired for this. I'm not even supposed to be here because I have a scrotum. I'm gonna sign you up. It's gonna be a little more expensive than your average health spa. I'm gonna sign you up, but don't tell anybody, keep it cool. And it's just all dudes. All dudes. And one bull dyke. All worn. One. You know, we gotta keep it real. Laura? Mm-hmm? What does he do for a living?

34:12 He's a firefighter, actually.

34:14 Adam Firefighter?

34:15 Caller Uh-huh.

34:15 Drew Aren't they supposed to keep in shape?

34:17 Caller I mean, like I said, he's not obese or anything. He's just got a few extra pounds. And when he makes these jokes, he's doing it so I'm okay with it.

34:23 Drew So why don't you take him to the gym with you? And say you're more concerned about his health, why don't we really get with this? And come on, let's go.

34:30 Adam Well, no, no, no. You don't have to go to a gym if you're a firefighter because you stay at the firehouse and they have all that equipment and stuff there and you just work out when you're sitting around all day.

34:38 Caller Yeah, but how do you get him to do that without insulting him when he's making the joke about it?

34:43 Adam I think he, listen, his joke is your entree or entree into that topic. He makes a joke about his love handles. You tell him, well, you know, if you want to get rid of that, you could pump a little iron instead of watching Tivo at the firehouse.

34:59 Drew I think there are two approaches that women can take that men will listen to. One is I'm concerned about your health. Have you read about the metabolic syndrome where you don't wait on the bus?

35:08 Adam Yeah, they just laugh that off. They go, what's this love handle got to do with my health?

35:12 Drew I want you to be looking the best you can. If you don't want to put input for me on about how to make yourself a glop better, that's okay with me. But I want to let you know that boy, you really.

35:21 Adam Now here's what you do, Laura. You tell them you got a letter and they're putting together one of those hunky fireman calendars. And they want him this year, okay?

35:34 Drew But you won't hear of it until he.

35:35 Adam No, no, no, just that's enough. He's got to whip him into shape and find out this guy's. By the way, when did this become acceptable? The greased up fire guy leaning on a straddle in the pole with the shirt off, the suspenders hanging around? What? What are you guys doing? First off, you ain't arena football players, you understand, trying to raise a couple bucks for charity. This is the fire department. I don't know, this sort of geeky, I mean, this hunky thing. I don't know when it became okay for the police, hunky policeman calendar and the hunky fireman calendar.

36:13 Drew It's beefcake, rather.

36:14 Adam Well, yeah. Cheesy beefcake, I should say. It is borders on gay erotica, is really what it is. And I'm just saying, where's the female version of this? Hot chicks who work at the DMV?

36:26 Drew You know what I mean? We've talked about this before many times. What the guy does, what the woman does, she's a model. She poses for...

36:35 Adam They don't have... Scour the globe, go down to the Department of Building, the DMV, the police force, the fire department, so you can find one seven, that whole group.

36:48 Drew Yeah, but the point is...

36:49 Adam It's just like morbidly obese black women with crazy hair and fingernails. That's the only thing. You go to the DMV, morbidly obese black women with unicorns painted on their nails. And what is that, by the way? No, you didn't. How come we can't see decent chicks out in public? You know what I'm saying? Like you girls, you do nothing but complain, but you don't know how good you got it. There's normal guys working places, you know? You can go in to a city municipality. You can go into a court. You can go into a fire department. You can go to a fire department. And if there's 12 guys, there might be seven of them are pretty solid. You can do that. We don't get that luxury. The chicks at work, they're chewing gum. They got like three chins. They're into something, something they smell weird. We don't get that. We don't get the solid chick. Oh yeah, once in a while you go into the restaurant and they got the hot service.

37:47 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

37:48 Adam You got the hostess. That's a good eight and a half, but she's gone. She's gone the next week. The hotties, they don't work. They either model, that's their work, or they're struggling actors or something. They either just marry off some guy. They're not around. They're like, they're pulled out of the population. We can't enjoy them.

38:07 Drew Were they kept in some camps?

38:09 Adam I'd like to start one. I'm just saying guys, you know, you travel, even as a guy, and I ain't one of those guys, but as a guy, once you walk, you go about your day, you'll see guys are like good-looking guys just working at the Starbucks. They're just sort of behind the counter, just doing stuff, construction guys, guys digging holes and pounding nails. It's good-looking guys. You don't have that. But you don't have that.

38:33 Drew What the guy does is a key ingredient.

38:35 Adam How about a hot chick cab driver? Sporty cab driver chick, huh? That would be nice, wouldn't it?

38:42 Drew Sporty.

38:43 Adam Chick comes to read your meter. She's hot. You know what I mean? The male, what about the male women? How about a nice hot male? You ever see those male women? You think they're dudes. Tell you get up on them and then you wish they were. All right, let's take a break. I'm just saying, you women, you know how good you got it.

39:01 Drew Remember, what the guy does figures into the whole experience of the picture.

39:05 Adam Yeah.

39:06 Drew For a woman.

39:07 Adam I'm just saying, like, I get it. You know, imagine, is there any version of the good-looking pool guy who comes to the house, unloads the truck, you know, does this? There's no female version of that. There's no hottie chick that shows up to put up your satellite dish. You see what I mean? All right, we gotta take a break. We'll be back. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Did you hear the promo for this week's Hack? You see Hack? Night In Sound TV?

40:06 Drew He's gonna be a rapist?

40:09 Adam Drew, you gave it away.

40:10 Drew Sorry, sorry.

40:11 Adam Jackass. Oh, my God. This week on Hack, in order to stop an internet gambling ring, Hack is gonna have to become a rapist.

40:26 Drew But I hear him announcing stuff all the time now.

40:29 Adam I think I do too.

40:30 Drew Yeah, it freaks me out a little bit. It's like, come on.

40:32 In order to reach these kids, Hack will have to become a rapist.

40:38 Adam It's always funny. Mike.

40:44 Hey, how you doing?

40:46 Adam Good, you're a former cop from San Diego. And you're here to tell us that there are these cheesecake calendars.

40:56 Well, they were for the PD when I was in back in the 1980s.

41:02 Adam Drew, hold on a second. What do you got? Like tinnitus or something tonight? You're like a step off, you're a step back. You never know what's going on.

41:09 Drew Fair enough.

41:10 Adam I'm telling you about the Lesbo gymnasium. You're going with the gays. What's going on there, Drew? Come on, buddy. Here we go now. Hey, Drew. Come on, grab a knee, buddy. Come on, break it down. Let's go, get a hand in. Let's go now. All right, let's talk to Mike, line 535, cop. What's going on there, Mike?

41:31 Caller Hey, how you doing now?

41:32 Adam All right, buddy, way to break it down.

41:34 Caller Come on, Drew, pick it up.

41:36 Adam You're right. All right, so why are you a former cop, by the way?

41:39 Caller I just got fired from the politics.

41:42 Drew Politics.

41:43 Adam Yeah. He wanted to beat on ethnic groups and they wouldn't let him. Yes?

41:49 Caller No, that's our brothers to the north in LA County.

41:53 Adam Ah, yeah. That's that. All right, so, yeah, is a cop a good job?

41:59 Caller I pay the bills. You know, it's definitely not boring. But it does get kind of mundane when you go to the same, you meet up with the same losers every day.

42:10 Adam Hey, is it, is it, Mike, and we're gonna talk about these calendars for a second, but I really have this theory that it's about 1% of the population that's just effing it up for everybody. Like, you know, I call 911. Well, actually, I've never called 911, but I will one day, God forbid, I will call 911 and it'll be busy because they'll be on the phone with the a-hole who's called in for a sixth time this month. You see what I'm saying? Can we just start, when's the mercy killing start? You know what I mean? I mean, it's like, how come there's a very small population that gets to monopolize the police department? That's a domestic dispute every other night. It's another 911 call. They're in a feud with the neighbors, so they're gonna get a restraining order and then they call the cops on them because the stereo's up to, you know what I mean? There's like, 99% of the population has nothing to do with the cops and the 1% is either getting arrested or constantly calling them for nothing. Can we do something about this 1%? Mike, how about a pistol whipping?

43:18 Caller Hey, as long as there's no video cameras around, I'm all for it.

43:21 Adam Please, I mean, as a cop, you just run into the same guys over and over again, right?

43:26 Caller Well, it depends, yeah. I mean, when I was working, it was always, it was usually, in the area I worked, it was always the same gang members, the same, you know.

43:39 Adam Same domestic disputes and all that?

43:41 Caller Mm-hmm.

43:42 Adam All right.

43:43 Caller Oh, yeah, yeah.

43:44 Adam You called to tell us that there is a female calendar.

43:50 Caller Yeah.

43:51 Adam And, but, yeah. Go ahead. Well, what were they wearing? That's the whole thing. The firemen got their shirts off and they wear nothing but suspenders and they hold like a Dalmatian in front of their junk.

44:03 Drew Or they're wearing the big protecting fireproof pants.

44:07 Caller Well, you don't know why they can wear that.

44:10 Adam Why?

44:10 Caller That's because all they do all day is lift weights. How often do firemen go out and...

44:15 Adam I know, that's my thing. They sit around all day and they just eat and lift weights. I know, they're huge guys. Chicks love them, too, though.

44:22 Caller Oh, they do more than that.

44:24 Adam Yeah, once in a while they...

44:24 Caller They watch the firetruck, too.

44:27 Adam You know what I love, by the way? I love how the Army doesn't like the Navy. I love how the cops don't like the firemen. I like how the Highway Patrol doesn't like the sheriffs. I like the fact that people that we look at is essentially the same, hate each other.

44:45 Drew Yeah, very jealous or envious or...

44:47 Adam Yeah, that's cool. I like that. I just, I don't know why I'm amused with the, like, the Army hating the Navy. But Drew hates Dr. Phil, the same guy. All right, so Mike, what are they wearing in this calendar?

45:01 Uh-oh.

45:02 Adam Yeah.

45:02 Drew Mike?

45:04 Ugh.

45:05 Adam That's the world's most unsatisfying show.

45:07 Drew But the point is, well, again, made the same, which is guys don't care what they did. So they A, don't want to see them in the garb of whatever their job was.

45:17 Adam Right.

45:17 Drew And B, if there are more attracted women who don't have that job, they'd rather see that.

45:22 Adam Yes. Yeah, it's neither here nor there.

45:25 Drew So it's why we've never heard of that calendar. Right. No one's bought it.

45:29 Adam Well, this is my theory, where is it when you go to, you go to a female, you go to a male strip joint, the guys are always dressed as cops or firemen. Indians. Or Indian. No, not Indians.

45:43 Drew Aren't they? Idiot. Is that just in the gay strip?

45:45 Adam Well, that's just the gay stuff, but they're dressed as guys who have jobs, essentially. Or some wool. Women are dressed as sluts.

45:53 Drew No, they're dressed as strippers. Right?

45:55 Adam All right. Just start to say, gah bah, gah bah.

45:58 Drew Maybe it's you.

45:59 Adam Listen, I'm trying to make the point, which is, stop crapping on everything that comes out of my mouth.

46:08 Drew I was just saying that the job they're doing, the job is stripper.

46:12 Adam No, no. Here's the point I'm making. The guys dress up in outfits of cops and firemen, other professions, women dress as nothing. They dress as prostitutes. They dress as sluts. They don't need a job. Guys don't want that. Indian, not a job.

46:35 Drew But the point I was making is they do dress as a job. The job they're doing, stripper. That's the job they want.

46:44 Adam You're halfway back. We'll take a quick break. We'll be back.

46:47 All right, guys, here's the deal.

46:49 Caller Look in the hookup, call the dateline. Stick a waist in time with the wrong person. Call the dateline. One call is all you need to make. Call the dateline.

46:56 One, eight, seven, seven, eight, eight, nine, date.

47:00 Caller You know what I'm saying now, Dan?

47:22 Adam Hey, y'all, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. All right, it's time to get back to the phones, Drew. Smoking pot, make them grow boobs. Take that verse. Yeah, yeah, why not? We haven't taken that one in a while. Ryan? Hello, Ryan.

47:44 Caller Here's my question for, I've been listening for, oh, 16 years, since Silver Axe. I was looking off the air, Drew, a long time, a couple of years ago, about psych grad school. Missed you at Stanford, but here's the question. You used to say back in the day that it's possible that adolescents, when they're using a lot of marijuana, males can grow breasts, sort of?

48:10 Drew Yep, that happens.

48:12 Adam Yeah, but now I start telling them to shut up with that nonsense.

48:16 Caller Yeah, have you ever seen that in a fully grown adult male?

48:20 Drew I have not seen it. It's usually in particular in middle adolescents, but sometimes even in later adolescents.

48:27 Caller Okay, 15 to 17-ish?

48:30 Drew Yeah, I imagine it's been reported. Actually, I'm thinking back when I was in medical school once I saw a Hispanic guy who was about 35 with this. Yeah, wasn't from the weed, though. Yeah, it was the debate was the weed or not.

48:43 Adam Well, look, it's always a genetic predisposition that gives you this stuff. Sometimes stuff doesn't, here's, it is.

48:51 Drew It pushes it along.

48:52 Adam If a guy's supposed to be skinny, you can't make him fat with a bad diet. I mean, when he's 60, you can. You can't make Iggy Pop fat, you just can't.

49:02 Caller Gotcha, I had one more quick.

49:04 Adam What, do you got man boobs?

49:07 Caller No, I'm cool, I'm cool. I'm just kind of curious about that. Also, how about having Mr. Birchum on the show? I've had this mini campaign going in my head. I wanted to write letters or call and I couldn't think of a good question to get on the air and this is something I thought it was a cool question, but yeah, Birchum, big fan.

49:31 Adam Oh, well, thanks.

49:31 Drew Let's do the whole show of One Night as Birchum.

49:33 Caller Have him on and then it's all.

49:35 Adam I am on as a guest.

49:36 Drew But would he be a guest hosting for Adam or would Adam be here also?

49:39 Caller Well, why don't you have Birchum and then just Robo Adam.

49:44 Adam Oh yeah, virtual Adam. Well, that's interesting.

49:46 Drew That'd be perfect.

49:48 Adam Yeah. We could probably try that now.

49:51 Drew Wait, this minute? We have to get a little woodworking question going here.

49:54 Adam Well, yeah, now that what a lot of people don't know. Well, okay. But just to straighten this whole thing out. What happened is Mr. Birchum was on this show many years ago as a guest when it was just local out here on the Mother Station, K-Rock, where it all originated many years ago out here in Southern California. Then when it went national, we didn't monkey with any of that Birchum stuff because who the hell knew who Mr. Birchum was anywhere outside of Los Angeles. But now since he pops up on Crank Yankers periodically, maybe some of the folks who listen to the show are hip to the Birchum cat.

50:36 Drew So do you want Brian to get a woodworking question?

50:39 Adam Well, yeah, get a woodworking question, sure.

50:43 Drew Hang up on Ryan and get a woodworking question. A real tough, serious woodworking question.

50:48 Adam Or we can just go ahead. Never gonna find it.

50:50 Drew Go ahead.

50:52 How about a whole segment, next segment, we'll just do Birchum as a guest and virtual.

50:58 Adam I don't know how we do virtual because virtual Adam just says takes all kinds.

51:04 I got you covered.

51:05 Adam Oh really?

51:06 Drew He'll do it.

51:06 Adam All right, we'll do it next segment.

51:08 Drew It's Brian, it's always, Birchum is always funny as when he's talking, taking questions from young women. It's very funny.

51:14 Adam Yeah, Brian, phone screener Brian, that is. I always think you're talking to Ryan, who just called, that's why it's confusing. Amy?

51:21 Caller Yeah.

51:21 Adam You're 24?

51:22 Caller Yes, I am.

51:24 Adam You have Volvadinia?

51:27 Caller Volvadinia.

51:29 Drew Dinia.

51:30 Caller Are you familiar with what that is?

51:32 Drew Yeah.

51:32 Adam Sure. It was a former republic of the Soviet Union, I think, before the violent coup.

51:39 Drew It's, Amy, just the description of a symptom, that you have a painful genital exterlge.

51:43 Caller Yeah, it's a real pain, yes. Actually, it's an inflammation of your barcelon glands.

51:48 Drew It can be, it's one of the things that can cause it.

51:50 Caller Okay, well, I was diagnosed with it about four years ago, and I was wondering, is there any cure for it, or anything that I can use to relieve the pain?

52:01 Drew Well, here's our usual question with unexplained pelvic and genitalia pain, were you sexually abused growing up?

52:07 Caller No.

52:08 Drew No trauma like that?

52:10 Caller No.

52:10 Drew Okay, and did this start with any kind of infection?

52:14 Caller It started with a yeast infection, and then I was treated for Strep B, and then after that, it was just, it was constant pain.

52:24 Adam What, you said Strep B, you said genital infection, or you mean?

52:27 Drew I mean, vaginal or pelvic?

52:29 Caller Yes, there's actually, there's a Strep B that you can get down there.

52:33 Drew That's a vaginitis then? No, it's a vaginitis.

52:36 Caller Yeah, so I was treated for a yeast infection, which they thought the yeast infection didn't go away, and then they did a culture test and it came back that I had Strep B, and they treated me for Strep B, and continually every month would test me for it, and I was fine, but I still had the symptoms.

52:51 Drew And is it a burning, or what kind of pain is it?

52:53 Caller Yeah, it was burning, inflammation, it was red. I was tested for...

52:57 Adam Having a vaginus, like having a disease.

52:59 Drew Are you?

53:00 Adam It really is. It's really, it's like being born with diabetes, or something, it's a constant, it's like part diabetes, part Ferrari in your pants, you know, it's just a constant tuning.

53:11 Caller I've been to about five different doctors and specialists.

53:14 Drew Are you on birth control pills?

53:16 Caller I am, but...

53:18 Drew Have they changed that?

53:19 Caller Yes, they have.

53:21 Drew You know, the most common reason that people get those kinds of symptoms are from estrogen deficiency.

53:27 Caller Really?

53:27 Adam I think I got that.

53:28 Drew Yeah, and have they ever given you estrogen creams or anything like that?

53:32 Caller And that didn't work, huh?

53:33 Caller Yeah, they gave me creams for external and then also...

53:38 Drew But estrogen creams, though.

53:39 Adam Where do you rub that estrogen cream?

53:41 Caller It actually burns really bad, though.

53:43 Adam Really?

53:44 Caller The estrogen cream, yeah.

53:45 Adam There's a bitter flavor to it. Where do you rub it in?

53:48 Caller It's just all around. It's just on the outer area.

53:54 Adam You put it around your vagina?

53:56 Drew Yeah, and there's an applicator. You can put some in there, too.

53:59 Caller Yeah, exactly. And actually, they change by diet.

54:01 Adam You don't know about that? It's weird that you're putting it on and around, as like you're basting your vagina in estrogen.

54:08 Drew You're trying to cover all the surfaces with it, yeah.

54:11 Adam Oh, you are?

54:11 Caller Yeah.

54:12 Adam I thought you're trying to get estrogen into you.

54:15 Drew No, you're trying not to get it in. You're just getting it on you.

54:18 Adam Why? What does that do?

54:19 Drew Because that's where the deficiency is, right there at the surface. So you apply it right to the surface.

54:24 Adam And it just soaks up the estrogen?

54:27 Drew Exactly. Women and menopause get this all the time. Oh, really? What she's describing is a sort of a classic, what's called atrophic vaginitis. And valvodinia is her symptomatology from it.

54:38 Adam Vovodinia. Wasn't Latke from Vovodinia?

54:41 Drew Yeah. Coincidentally. So she's seen, listen, you've seen lots of people.

54:46 Adam How am I going to be able to manage this? The cousin from Boys and Buddies. No, what the hell was that show?

54:53 Drew The hell was that show?

54:55 Adam No, no, it's Bronson Pinchot. Perfect Strangers. Yeah, Balke. He was from Vovodinia, I think. You know, I got reacquainted with that show a year ago when we were, you know, we were a year ago?

55:09 Drew No.

55:10 Adam North Carolina.

55:14 Drew Oh, you're going now?

55:14 Adam My life, really?

55:16 Drew I thought it was like April or May, and it was down, February?

55:19 Adam Well, here's how I know. All right, she needs to go back to the doc.

55:22 Drew Yeah, I mean, it's, yeah, I'm not going to add much to a bunch of experts that have looked and seen and taken your history and tested. I'm just saying, think in terms of, look up atrophic vaginitis, and I've had some people have some success going down that path.

55:33 Adam Here's how I know we're coming on to a year from us going to North Carolina and doing Dawson's Creek. And here's why it stands up. My memory is a horrible experience because we were having to do this God forsaken radio show from 1 a.m. to 3 a.m. And then we'd have these early wake up calls each time. And to have to be on the set where we just sat around in our trailer. Then each time I would fall asleep, some guy would tap on the thing and say, we need you on set. And then I would get up and stumble out there and then sit around for 20 minutes. I go back to my trailer, go back to sleep again. Then the same guy come get me. But anyway, it started off in a miserable way and it ended in a miserable way for me, which was, A, we were staying at this sort of rustic kind of place. And here's the whole thing about rustic charm. It's like the bed and breakfast. Bed and breakfast sounds great, it's very romantic. Oh, you'll be staying in someone's home. You'll get that home cooked meal and that warmth that you can only get. No, what you got is a weirdo family. And these bed and breakfast families, by the way, same group, they're like the homeschool tribe. They're just a bunch of weird relatives floating around, getting weird. Some guy, you know, a comforter that looks like a Rorschach test, if you shine a black light on it, I'm sure.

56:51 Drew There's weird boundaries in those houses too, because you can kind of always hear it through the walls. There's people creaking and walking around outside.

56:56 Adam There's a couple of things, and we're getting back. I'll get back to Dawson's Creek. The bed and breakfast thing, don't do it. Don't anyone do it. Here's the thing too. There's always the weird family member who's not been spoken of or introduced to you. The grandma, the weird aunt from the old country, she's planted in the kitchen. So when you're heading out of your room and it's like two in the morning and you want to get a yogurt from the refrigerator, weird grandma sitting there giving you the stink eye. You're not sure if you should say hi to her. What is she? She doesn't seem to be looking at you. Weird little energy. Somebody's cooking you a breakfast. It's not quite what you wanted. There's some kids running around. I'm comfortable. I don't know how I got involved with this thing, but I decided, somebody decided, and it was my wife that we need to stay in a bed. It's always a disaster. Don't anyone do it. It shouldn't be called a bed and breakfast. It should be called squatting someone's guest room.

57:56 Drew I guess it could be okay if you were like, our cottage is away from the main everybody. It's that way.

58:00 Adam You walk in, there's pictures, everyone, there's toys, there's kids running around, there's the weird old family members planted there. It's weird. There's boundaries in it. You don't want to have sex. It's like, you and your ball away in their bed, their extra bedroom, the kids probably sleeping there the next night. They give you a key. If you go out, you're weird about coming home, like, well, hey, we better get back. I don't want to be banging on the door two in the morning, waking the family up. Let's just stay at a hotel. Drew and I stayed at a place in North Carolina that was real. We're getting back to it. But this place was bed and breakfast. It had all that rustic old world charm. Rustic old world charm means floor makes noise when you walk. And it's like this floor, like, if you put an egg on, it would just go rolling to the other side of the room and bust on the baseboard. I mean, everything was out of kilter.

58:50 Drew But also, strangely, it's always primitive electronics. Always, always. Ancient electronics.

58:55 Adam Funky clock radios from the 70s. And it just, just give me a nice hotel room any day of the week, I'll just get loaded on the minibar. All will be forgiven. But anyway, so we're out north. We gotta go to North Carolina and do what? Dawson's Creek. And the reason I know it's one year ago, and it's coming up on one year ago in just a couple of weeks, is because the LA. Marathon was going on the day I was supposed to get picked up to go to the airport. And again.

59:28 Drew I remember that story.

59:30 Adam I was talking about it on Kimmel a few weeks back. I'm gonna talk about it here. Do we have to shut the entire goddamn city down? It's a bunch of idiots who got something to prove to themselves, can prove it to themselves. Meanwhile, I'm locked in my house. I can't move now. I can't go down the hill. I can't get around the whole, the entire city. And by the way, here's the thing about the Marathon. Run the marathon this way. Go to a high school in Pacoima and see if you can make it around the track 122 times. Done. Do not shut the entire city down. These people, they just, they circumnavigate the entire city and LAX is on one side. I'm on the other side. And the entire marathon route zigzags between me as if they, as if some planner sat down and said, how can Adam not get to LAX on a Sunday?

1:00:25 Drew Ah, here it is.

1:00:26 Adam This is how. Now what a lot of people don't know is the Dawson's Creek folks said to me, and here's the part where it just becomes like surreal. I've had many airport outings go south. The Dawson's Creek people said, look, there is an eight a.m. flight that leaves out of LAX Sunday morning. We're gonna need you to be on. And I said, eight a.m.? What the hell I gotta get up at the crack of half?

1:00:54 Drew I remember this.

1:00:55 Adam To get down to LAX on Sunday. I don't need to do anything on Dawson's Creek in North Carolina until Monday morning. What am I getting up? I have to get up at 5.30 on Sunday morning. What are you ruining my whole day? There's nothing that flies out later. Well, there is a two o'clock flight. Oh, okay, well sign me up for that. Well, we don't recommend it. Well, why not? It's the last flight that goes to North Carolina that day. Now, if you miss that flight.

1:01:22 Drew Or there's weather or something.

1:01:24 Adam Or there's weather, whatever happens. You can't get there Monday morning when we have you scheduled to tape. You'll be liable. And you will have to charter a flight at your own expense from LA to whatever. Now, here's the beauty about the Corollas. I gave it some thought and I did some soul searching.

1:01:42 Drew For four seconds.

1:01:43 Adam And I said, put me on that two o'clock flight. And they said, now again, if you miss it, you will have to charter a flight to North Carolina.

1:01:51 Drew There's even more beauty to Adam Carolla, which is when they say, okay, Adam, we're gonna pick you up at 12.30, if it's a two o'clock flight. 12.30?

1:01:59 Adam No.

1:01:59 Drew 1.15?

1:02:00 Adam No, how dare you? No, I knew that it was the last flight out of LA to North Carolina and that it was two o'clock and that I should get picked up with plenty of time to make it. So the car was supposed to pick, and by the way, when do I get to start suing these car companies? The car was supposed to pick me up like 11.45 or noon straight up, you know? Ran in now. Now there's the LA Marathon, and he can't make it to my house. He can't get up there. Every street is closed. He can't get up the hill, can't go up the canyon. And the guy never calls. He calls once to say he's gonna be a little bit late, and then the next time he never calls. He just never, just can't make it. He never shows up. I'm just standing out front at noon with the bag. So there's the other thing, looking like, at a certain point, it's like 1 10.

1:02:44 Drew Oh, it was 1 10?

1:02:46 Adam Well, it was like-

1:02:47 Drew Oh my God.

1:02:48 Adam The guy calls at like 12 15. He says, I'm gonna be, I'm running a little bit late. I know, what do I do? You know, and I'm just standing out front of the house going, he's gotta be rolled up any second now. Now it's like, I'm gonna be paying for my own flight to North Carolina. I don't even wanna go there. Nobody should have to pay to go to North Carolina. They should pay you to go to North Carolina. So I'm sitting there and eventually now it's like, yeah, it's one o'clock and I got a two o'clock flight. And I just start screaming at my wife, get in the car. You know what? Get in!

1:03:17 Caller Get in the car!

1:03:19 Adam Never, never do you argue, by the way, then in these situations, you just start, immediately start screaming at you, get in the car, get out of the way, get stuck. You're gonna drive the car back, blah, blah, blah. Jump in the car, start speeding down the canyon, hop on the freeway, it's packed. Everything's packed. Everything, oh, the marathon. It's like, wait a minute, but the marathon started at 7.30 in the morning.

1:03:37 Drew Oh my God.

1:03:38 Adam Oh, no, no. This thing's gonna go on. Say, look, again.

1:03:41 Drew Is that March?

1:03:43 Adam It's like March 13th or something like that. Okay. People, please listen to me. If you cannot finish a marathon in seven hours, don't run it. Because you know what? You haven't run a marathon. The idea that I could collectively walk 26 miles if you just added it up over the course of three weeks. Sure. Does that mean I did a marathon?

1:04:04 Drew It proves that.

1:04:05 Adam No, there's a time. There's a time where like, I could probably get a 1500 on the SAT if you gave me six weeks. No, you got an hour and a half or whatever the hell they give you. All right, so point is entire city shut down. I get to LA, I missed the flight.

1:04:21 Drew Oh, you missed it?

1:04:22 Adam Hell yes, I missed it.

1:04:24 Drew I don't remember that part. And so what'd you do?

1:04:27 Adam I had my peeps, I knew I was gonna miss it. I find a backup flight that they'd ever told me about that was like at like 2.30 or something and made that one. But of course, got dropped off with my bags, a week's worth of luggage, by the way, all the way at the wrong end of the airport because I was trying to make my one and then had to chug it like a madman, like OJ running through the airport. All the bags have all the way around to the, Drew, I, da, da, bah!

1:04:56 Drew That's why you were so delightful when you arrived.

1:04:58 Adam Oh, I was like pissed when I got there. But just look, here's the deal. Here's the thing, LA Marathon, 8 a.m. at 2 o'clock, it's over. Lift all the cones, start the traffic. Hey, if you're still running, you're running. Get up on the sidewalk, you're gonna get run over. Just keep going. Keep going. It's fine. Just keep going. Meanwhile, I get to go about my day. It's fantastic. Okay, where the hell was I, Drew? What was I talking about? It's coming up in one year.

1:05:28 Drew Deborah?

1:05:29 Caller Hello?

1:05:30 Drew Hi there.

1:05:31 Caller Hi, how's it going?

1:05:32 Adam What's happening, baby doll?

1:05:33 Caller Not much. I just first want to preempt it with Dr. Drew. I've been listening to you guys for a long time and I really respect you. Adam, you're really funny. But like I said, I've been listening to you guys for a while and so I hear the usual litany of-

1:05:52 Adam Hold on a second, Drew, I got a problem here. When I was in the middle of my tirade, I felt like a little loogie pearl come up in my mouth like I was yelling so much. It was like I had a little pearl of loogie.

1:06:05 Drew It flew somewhere?

1:06:05 Adam It's gone.

1:06:06 Drew It flew somewhere.

1:06:07 Adam I don't know where it is.

1:06:08 Drew Is it on me?

1:06:08 Adam I was trying to keep it. I don't know where it went.

1:06:11 Drew It's disgusting. Maybe the pants. Stand up.

1:06:13 Adam I pulled it up. It was there. I didn't swallow it. I don't know what happened to it.

1:06:18 Drew Oh, is that it over here?

1:06:19 Adam Are my pants? No, that's semen. It's probably gone.

1:06:27 Drew That's much better.

1:06:28 Adam You don't know when the lube.

1:06:29 Drew I don't see it.

1:06:29 Adam No, no, it's not on me. I brought it up. It was about the size of a pearl onion. And I thought, now, don't swallow it. But then I couldn't spit it out.

1:06:41 Drew Sometimes it gets strangely under your tongue or something. Sometimes it doesn't work like that. That is semen.

1:06:49 Adam But not the luge. OK, let's keep going. I don't know where it went. That's all I'm saying. We're speaking to Deborah.

1:06:58 Drew So, Deborah, you know that we normally talk about the abuse survivors, yes?

1:07:02 Caller OK, so I have had quite a bit of family troubles when I was younger. And but never any, at least as I can remember, never any sexual abuse.

1:07:18 Drew Be a little more specific. What happened with your family?

1:07:21 Caller Well, I was adopted when I was three and a half.

1:07:24 Drew Yeah.

1:07:25 Adam How come?

1:07:27 Caller How come? Because my from at least from my understanding, my birth mother, she had me when she was really young. And then her parents, alcoholics, yada, yada, yada. At any rate, she she just couldn't take care of me.

1:07:42 Drew So you have you have no recollection prior to three? No, nothing. You don't remember your birth mother? Nothing?

1:07:48 Caller No. I mean, I wish I did, but I don't.

1:07:51 Drew Why do you wish you did?

1:07:53 Caller Well, because my adoptive parents weren't exactly weren't exactly the type of people that should be adopting children.

1:08:03 Drew Was it that or was your behavior kind of?

1:08:06 Caller Both, I'm sure. I mean, when I was a child, I wasn't like of the coherent mind to be like, oh, well, you know, I'm doing this because of this reason and that sort of thing, you know, but looking back on it, I'm sure I was acting out because of, you know, cause I didn't understand what was going on. And.

1:08:24 Adam Well, all right. But what's happening now? Are you getting any therapy?

1:08:28 Caller No, because.

1:08:30 Adam How about it?

1:08:31 Caller I'm sorry?

1:08:32 Adam You get some therapy.

1:08:34 Caller Well, yeah, I know. One, I just can't afford it right now. And two, I've been through so many therapists when I was younger, cause my parents were trying to figure out what was wrong with me.

1:08:42 Adam Oh, well that's a lot.

1:08:45 Drew By the way, how much imagination do they need to have knowing that you had an alcoholic, chaotic family system and were banned at age three and a half? What, they couldn't put that all together?

1:08:54 Adam Well, also give your adoptive parents a little credit, by the way, sending you to therapy and adopting you. I mean, why, I know, look, I mean, here's what happens. You get, here's what happens.

1:09:08 Drew The ones that stick around.

1:09:09 Adam You get abused, you get abused from zero to four, whatever. Then somebody, and I'm not saying they're saints, but they're hell of a lot better than where you came from and certainly a lot better than me. They come in and they do everything they can, but the abuse was so profound that you just act out and you throw tantrums and they have to discipline you and then you resent them, but you're really angry to your biological parents. And then it sort of goes down in the book as, well, they weren't great people. I don't know, the idea that they came in and took you to try to get some therapy and stuff. I mean, maybe they're a little bit better than you're giving them credit for, Debra.

1:09:47 Caller Yes, it's just hard for me because when I was 10, they kicked me out of the house and made me pull weeds to earn money so that I could sleep inside. And-

1:09:59 Adam Yeah, but I'm sure because you were just raising holy hell.

1:10:05 Caller It was because I wasn't doing my chores and I wasn't following what they thought was the plan. My sister was adopted from a different family and she was adopted when she was like a couple hours old or something. And so, and she's a year older than me. And so, just from taking a lot of psychology classes myself to try to figure myself out, and from talking with my mom, my adopted mom, just that, you know, she had an idea of what she wanted me to be like and I wasn't that idea. And like when I was younger, I would hoard food in my room and so they would like chain the refrigerator's door shut and wouldn't let me have anything unless it was like at a specific meal time. And-

1:10:53 Adam It's hard to tell, but Drew, you and I sort of know that you had a feral child here that you were trying to set boundaries for, it sounds like to me. And that can get a little ugly sometimes.

1:11:06 Drew Absolutely, absolutely.

1:11:08 Adam And that's more what it sounds like to me.

1:11:11 Drew Yep.

1:11:11 Adam It does not going down in Deborah's mind is that, it's like, oh, they chained the refrigerator shut.

1:11:17 Drew No, it's because she would have cracked it open otherwise.

1:11:20 Adam It sounded like you had parents that were overwhelmed and really were trying to do something. And here's the only reason I'm siding with them. A, they adopted you. And then B-

1:11:30 Drew They put up with her.

1:11:31 Adam They put up with you. And then C, they sent you to therapy.

1:11:33 Drew They did their parenting. Yeah, they tried to come to terms with it.

1:11:36 Adam Yeah, and by the way, all you ingrate kids out there, if your kid, if they send you to therapy, it's usually because there's some interest in you getting better because they're trying to punish you in some way. So Debra, it's hate your biological family a little bit more. Love your adoptive family a little bit more and hit some therapy.

1:11:59 Drew Get back to therapy.

1:11:59 Adam All right, we'll take a break. We'll be back.

1:12:05 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:12:15 Drew Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. 1-800-LOVE-191 is the number. We are having the good fortune tonight of a presence of a dear, dear friend, Mr. Birchum. Thank you for joining us, Birchum.

1:12:31 Adam Appreciate it. I came out here for the Corolla kid. He's a big boy. He's a good looking kid, that Corolla. What are you gonna do? Great looking. He's hung like a black rhino. He's got then a matinee idol good looks. You know what I'm saying?

1:12:48 Drew Birchum, the endowment part.

1:12:51 Good looking kid.

1:12:52 Drew How is it you knew about that?

1:12:53 Adam Word on the street.

1:12:54 Drew On the street, I see.

1:12:55 Adam I got my ear to the pavement.

1:12:57 Drew Indeed you do.

1:12:57 Adam Tell you something, I'm like Huggy Bear from Starsky and Hutch.

1:13:02 Drew You and Snoop get together once in a while?

1:13:03 Adam I'm just saying, I know the streets. I know the kids are in it.

1:13:07 Drew Just so if those of you-

1:13:07 Adam That's why you make the big bucks.

1:13:09 Drew And there's Corolla ringing in, just to agree.

1:13:12 Adam Right back at you, big fella, yeah.

1:13:16 Drew Anderson?

1:13:17 What's that?

1:13:17 Adam That's why I make the big bucks.

1:13:20 Drew Just in case there are people out there that have not had the experience or the great good fortune of experiencing our dear, dear, dear friend, Mr. Birchum. Birchum, why don't you explain your heritage and how you've kind of-

1:13:32 Vietnam, fat.

1:13:33 Drew Yeah, and your-

1:13:34 Adam Three tours over there.

1:13:35 Drew The work, we're gonna be taking some woodworking questions too tonight, because you have some expertise.

1:13:38 Adam Teach shop, Louis Pasteur Middle School, I don't mind Rovia.

1:13:42 Drew Nice, what age?

1:13:43 Adam Shocking. Wood shop.

1:13:45 Drew But what age groups are you teaching?

1:13:47 Adam Middle school.

1:13:47 Drew Middle school, I see.

1:13:48 Adam You're not listening?

1:13:49 Drew No, I didn't listen.

1:13:50 Adam And there's headphones on?

1:13:51 Drew So it's like 15, 13, 14, 15, 14.

1:13:54 Adam 13, 13, 14.

1:13:55 Drew That's a great age, huh?

1:13:57 Adam Love wood, don't care for the kids.

1:13:59 Drew That's such a great age though.

1:14:00 Adam Not a big fan of the kids.

1:14:02 Drew But you've been doing it how many years?

1:14:03 Nah, they're too far gone at that age.

1:14:05 Drew How many years?

1:14:06 Adam With the teaching over there? Yeah. No, it's into the teens easily. Good times. Deep teens.

1:14:12 Drew And did you have to put up with these kids all those years? You don't like them?

1:14:14 Adam No, not a fan. Not a real fan of dudes. Except for that Corolla boy. That guy's 10 kinds of funny.

1:14:23 Drew But you're not just teaching boys.

1:14:27 Adam Nah, I got a couple of lesbos in the class. What are you gonna do?

1:14:31 Drew The girls are required to take shop too, right?

1:14:35 Adam Enough about me. Let's take some calls.

1:14:38 Drew I'm waiting for some motoric calls to come up.

1:14:40 Adam Shut up everyone, talk.

1:14:41 Drew All right, this is James who's 21. James?

1:14:44 Adam James?

1:14:46 Drew You're on Mr. Birchum.

1:14:47 Adam Meth, uses meth?

1:14:49 Caller What?

1:14:50 Adam What's meth?

1:14:51 Caller It's methamphetamine, speed.

1:14:55 Adam Oh, speed, yeah.

1:14:56 Drew Good times.

1:14:56 Adam Let's do a little Latinam. Good times.

1:14:59 Caller Yeah, I was wondering, what does the long-term effect of meth, XC and pot have on the human brain?

1:15:06 Drew He's a big boy. He is a big boy and there is no added effect. In other words, there's no synergistic effect. It's just additive. Whatever meth would do, plus pot, plus XC is what you get.

1:15:18 Adam Your brain, quiet down, punk. It's brain's like one of those trays that goes at a bar under where they pour the drinks. You know what I mean? It's just got five different kinds of booze in there. What are you gonna do? You're messing yourself up, son.

1:15:33 Drew Here's the deal. The meth and the XC are gonna be your biggest problem because those are drugs that can damage brain.

1:15:37 Adam I'll tell you something about Birchum. He gets high on life and those amyl poppers.

1:15:43 Drew You're into that now?

1:15:44 Adam Mostly life.

1:15:46 Drew But the amyl popper.

1:15:46 Adam And then the amyl popper, pow.

1:15:48 Drew I don't mean to be presumptuous, but amyl popper is sort of prevalent in particular cultural advice. Yeah.

1:15:54 Adam Yeah, it's the only thing they got right, those people.

1:15:58 Drew And how did you come to the amyl nitrate, the poppers?

1:16:00 Adam Listen, like I said, I've been around.

1:16:02 Drew Okay.

1:16:03 Adam I know what goes on on the street. So I was saying, we can learn a few things from the gays. Yes, son is gay. Fashion, one of them, and the amyl poppers. That's the other thing they got right.

1:16:16 Drew So James.

1:16:17 Caller Yeah.

1:16:18 Drew So again, it's the issue of what's called excitotoxicity from the ecstasy and the meth. And then the pot just what?

1:16:24 Caller I've actually been clean for seven months now.

1:16:27 Caller I'm in recovery.

1:16:28 Drew Are you still having memory problems?

1:16:29 Caller Oh my gosh.

1:16:30 Caller Yeah.

1:16:31 Caller I have a lot of memory problems.

1:16:32 Caller I still have, I have.

1:16:34 Adam He just remembered he had memory problems. He's like, oh, wait a minute.

1:16:37 Caller Yes.

1:16:38 Drew And once again, on this show, it's not funny you should bring that up. No, it's like, yeah.

1:16:43 Adam Oh yeah.

1:16:43 Drew You're talking to me. I have memory problems. And that's the ecstasy and the meth that causes that. And that is associated with limbic brain damage, memory problems, depression, panic, and anxiety. And that will be persistent. So it's important to take medication.

1:16:57 Caller Boring.

1:16:58 Caller Yes, sir.

1:16:59 Adam Where's the woodwork and stuff? That's really why I'm here. See you on the day.

1:17:04 Caller None of these kids.

1:17:05 Adam To hell. Corolla Boy funny though.

1:17:08 Drew 10 kinds.

1:17:09 Adam Hey, if you kids want to hear me and see me on Crank Yankers, Tuesday Nights, Comedy Central, 10.30. Good times. Blue Kimmel.

1:17:17 Drew Blue Kimmel.

1:17:18 Adam Not gonna lie to you.

1:17:20 Drew Jesse, 18. What's up?

1:17:29 Adam You stinking whore.

1:17:31 Drew And? You miss him so much? Uh-huh. Oh, but he's an ass.

1:17:39 Adam How many months pregnant is she?

1:17:41 Drew Seven weeks, I think she said.

1:17:42 Adam Seven weeks? How many months is that?

1:17:45 Drew Two months. He's a bad guy, Jesse. He leaves you, abandons you when you're really in need and vulnerable.

1:17:50 Adam Hey, it takes all kinds.

1:17:52 Drew What's not to miss?

1:17:57 Adam You're pregnant?

1:17:57 Drew That sort of, under definition of a hole, you'll see a boyfriend who leaves after three years when he finds our girlfriend is pregnant.

1:18:05 Adam And you look under a definition of boring and you see Dr. Drew. What are you gonna do?

1:18:11 Drew Hey, but it's good times.

1:18:12 Adam No, good times, good times. And I respect the man. I don't wanna listen to him, but I respect him.

1:18:17 Drew But Birchum, just come from Alaska.

1:18:20 Adam You're from Alaska. Beautiful country out there. Fantastic country.

1:18:24 Horrible people.

1:18:26 Horrible, horrible people.

1:18:28 Adam Beautiful country. To Alaska. Majestic, exquisite, beautiful, God's got horrible people. Treadful, horrible people. You must have. Beautiful country.

1:18:39 Drew You had some sort of bad experience out there.

1:18:40 Adam No, it is salmon. The rivers teeming with salmon, the sky so blue.

1:18:46 Drew Beautiful, you say?

1:18:47 Adam And the fat, the Kodiak, bears, it's a beautiful, horrible people, horrid, horrid people. Beautiful country out there.

1:18:56 Drew What did you say?

1:18:57 Adam Beautiful, exquisite, snow-capped mountains. Horrible people.

1:19:01 Drew Our guest tonight, I'm Dr. Drew, is Mr. Birchum. Adam is sort of in and out. He's, in fact, what we would call virtual.

1:19:07 Adam Give me your mother f'n shoe.

1:19:10 Drew And this now is going to be a Birchum question from Scott. Hi, Scott. What's happening here?

1:19:19 I'm looking to find a modular home, put it on some property.

1:19:22 Adam Good times.

1:19:23 Drew Modular home. Birchum, can you translate that for me, please?

1:19:25 Adam Mobile home.

1:19:27 Caller White trash.

1:19:29 Drew Modular home. Where did the term modular home come from?

1:19:31 Adam You snap it together. But it comes in pieces.

1:19:36 Drew But it's such a euphemism, right?

1:19:38 Adam They can't put a whole house on a truck.

1:19:41 Drew I see.

1:19:42 Adam So they do it in a couple pieces.

1:19:44 Drew I see.

1:19:44 Adam Then they go on site and they snap it together.

1:19:47 Drew Wow, trailer.

1:19:48 Adam That's right.

1:19:48 Drew Okay.

1:19:50 Okay, one of the questions is by Rob, the guy is talking to me about his roof pitches. I don't know anything about that.

1:19:57 Adam He's talking about like 412 and that kind of stuff.

1:20:03 I really don't know anything about it.

1:20:05 Adam He wants to know what's his question.

1:20:10 What I want to go with, I don't know. I live out here in Michigan. We get a ton of snow.

1:20:14 Adam You understand why I hate our callers.

1:20:15 Drew What kind of roof should you put on a mobile home? A trailer.

1:20:18 Adam Well, okay, here's the thing, everybody. You want a good steep pitch on your roof, especially if it's going to be snowing. I mean, if it's going to be snowing, you can't have a flat roof. We can have flat roofs out here in Los Angeles area. Just flat, a little pear pit, a little scupper action.

1:20:34 Drew Flat.

1:20:34 Adam No problem.

1:20:35 Drew White rock.

1:20:36 Adam Yeah.

1:20:36 Drew Is that you, Birchum?

1:20:38 No. No.

1:20:39 Adam I knew those guys were high at the time.

1:20:41 Drew Were they in on with you or something?

1:20:42 Horrible period.

1:20:43 Adam No, we would have killed those. They wouldn't have let those types over there. They'd man over there.

1:20:47 Drew Concentrate, Birchum.

1:20:48 Adam You want a steep.

1:20:49 Drew Something happened to your voice.

1:20:50 Adam It hits all kinds. You want a steep roof. You want it steep. And not only that, not only when it's steep, but I swear to Christ, you can have a roof that has, you can see light coming through it. If it's a steep enough rake, it won't leak. You got a good steep rake on that roof. It ain't going to leak. Plus, you get the insulation, because you got that big air space up there, and secondly and thirdly, you get a lot of storage up there. Oh, good time.

1:21:16 Drew So even on a trailer, it's a good idea to just stick a roof on there.

1:21:19 Adam Well the guy's asking. He's building them a modular home. He wants to know what pitch. I say go steep as you can with the pitch. You got room up there, plus you can put mechanical stuff up there. You put a heating unit, you can run duct work, you got storage, it's nice to have space in there.

1:21:32 Drew I'm sure he's got like a DSL and surround sound. I'm sure that's what Scott's got going on.

1:21:37 Adam No, I'm talking about space to run ducts, to run heating.

1:21:40 Drew I'm saying, but I'm sure Scott's going to have DSL, all kinds of fancy electronics going up there, right?

1:21:45 Adam In the modular home, you're lucky if you got a clock radio, white trash. That's albino trash there. Now you get some attic space in there, you get a little crawl space in there, it's a good place to stuff the hookers too. You know what I'm saying? Sometimes those tricks go bad.

1:22:01 Drew Well, it reminded me that you occasionally described to me having, in our lengthy friendship that we've maintained since the time you were on Loveline, maybe as much as 10 years ago, that you have flashbacks sometimes. What triggers those flashbacks? What are they flashbacks of? You mentioned the tricks going better.

1:22:19 Adam I don't want to look into the past, I want to look into the future. You understand? Whoa.

1:22:25 Drew Yeah.

1:22:25 Adam The future. Big knuckle sandwich for Dr. Drew, he starts bringing that crap up.

1:22:30 Drew Got it.

1:22:30 Not the time, not the place.

1:22:32 Adam That's why you make the big buy.

1:22:33 Drew It actually is, because I was waiting for a word working question for you, so here's Joel at 20. I'm tired. All right, Joel, last question. Joel. Joel.

1:22:40 Caller Yeah, I moved recently and the movers lost a couple of table legs and I wanted to replace them, but the company that makes the table won't send them to me. So I was wondering what the best way to maybe replicate those table legs, but where is a good place to take them?

1:22:59 Adam Big penis. Well, you don't got a lathe, do you, son?

1:23:02 Caller I don't have a what, no?

1:23:03 Adam A lathe. And by the way, when they say a what, usually I'll take that as a no. Yeah.

1:23:09 Caller Right.

1:23:09 Adam It takes all kinds. Here's the dealio. You need to detach one of the two that you have left. Go down to a hardwood store, all right? Place that sells hardwood.

1:23:21 Drew That's a place I've never been to. What are those like?

1:23:23 Adam I know. Because the only dudes go there. Then them queer baits, they don't let in.

1:23:27 Drew I see.

1:23:28 Adam No shoes. No shirt. No queer baits. No service. That's what the sign says. So, Joel. Good times. You're out in Santa Monica?

1:23:37 Caller I am.

1:23:38 Adam You one of them queer baits too?

1:23:40 Caller I'm not one of them.

1:23:42 Adam Better get out of that town. Here's the point.

1:23:46 Caller They got hardwood places.

1:23:47 Adam They got one by the tent, a four or five freeway over there.

1:23:50 Caller There's like an analog?

1:23:52 Adam No. No.

1:23:53 Drew It means hardwood, like a woodworking.

1:23:55 Adam That's a hardware store.

1:23:56 Drew It's a lumber store.

1:23:57 Adam You got to go to a hardwood place. You understand? You just call up, look in the yellow pages. Yeah. Don't bring up yellow through it. I'll have another flashback.

1:24:08 Drew I want to make sure I don't bring in things. Somebody peed on you. No. I'm sorry.

1:24:13 Adam That was the color of Charlie at Jack Off.

1:24:15 Drew Okay, sorry.

1:24:16 Adam Now listen to me. Jeremy. No, wait.

1:24:19 Caller Joel.

1:24:19 Adam Yes.

1:24:21 Caller Look up Hardwood.

1:24:22 Adam Go down to that place. Bring that spindle with you. Bring that leg. Show it to them. They might have something there that'll match. If not, they can match it for you. Because they do, you know, when you're doing a staircase, you do all the balusters and all that kind of stuff in the spindles, they make them up.

1:24:37 Drew It's good.

1:24:37 Adam They'll make any shape you want. And they stock a lot of them, too.

1:24:40 Drew It's your expertise, Birchum. Quick door question.

1:24:42 Adam Jeremy.

1:24:44 Caller Real fast.

1:24:45 Drew Real fast.

1:24:45 Adam You're hanging a pre-cut door?

1:24:47 Caller I bought a pre-hung door.

1:24:49 Caller I need to install it.

1:24:51 Drew Pre-hung door.

1:24:52 Adam Pre-cut door. Yeah, it's not pre-cut. It's pre-hung. Pre-swung. And it comes with the jam, right?

1:24:58 Caller Yes, sir.

1:24:59 Adam Comes swinging on the jam. And you just got a rough opening, right?

1:25:03 Caller Yes, sir.

1:25:04 Adam All right. Is your rough opening good?

1:25:07 Caller I would assume.

1:25:08 Adam Your rough opening should measure about a half inch in each direction, width and height bigger than the outside of the jam. You need a little space to level things in there.

1:25:17 Drew Even I can understand that.

1:25:18 Caller Right.

1:25:18 Adam Boring bit. Jeremy, don't make me turn on you, Corolla. Jeremy, here's what you need. You don't have any tools, do you? You don't have a nail gun or anything, do you? Just a hammer. Just a hammer. Get some finished nails. You need shims. You need a level and you need shims. All right?

1:25:37 Drew The hell's a shim?

1:25:38 Adam Shimmer wooden shims. You know, they're bundles. You get bundles of wooden shims. Here's what you do. Swing the hinge side. That's the butt side. I call that the butt side. I don't know why. And the other side's the strike side. That makes a little more sense. Level that and swing that and swing the door. And then work the margins around the door. So you see what I'm saying?

1:25:59 Drew So you hang the door from above?

1:26:00 Adam No. You take the hinge side. You got an opening. You got a rough opening, right? Go in and take the side where the hinges are. It's on the jam. The jam. Level it up. Plum it up. Put a few finish nails in there. Use some shims. Get all plumb and level and you're done. Now the other side is loose. Now you shut the door and you work the space around it so it's all the same using the shims and nail it off in place.

1:26:28 Caller Got it.

1:26:28 Adam That's why you make the big bucks.

1:26:29 Drew Good time.

1:26:30 Adam You don't just level everything and then put the door in.

1:26:33 Drew I always leave your visits feeling enriched.

1:26:35 Caller All right.

1:26:36 Drew And I thank you, Mr. Major.

1:26:37 Caller Fantastic.

1:26:37 Drew Good to have you. Mm-hmm.

1:26:44 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:26:53 Adam Hey, everybody. Well, thanks to Mr. Birchum who came into the studio.

1:26:59 Drew You were a little bit sort of, were you put off, or were you overwhelmed by his Birchum accolades for you, or?

1:27:05 Adam I'll tell you what, Birchum is... He's a soloist. You know what I mean? Like when Jimi Hendrix is out on stage...

1:27:14 Drew Was I saying too much to him?

1:27:16 Adam No, I think he was okay with you. I'm just saying, when Hendrix is out on stage, he's doing a solo, you don't pull up next to him on the bass. You just stand back. Let him do his thing.

1:27:26 Drew That's good, okay.

1:27:27 Adam You see what I'm saying?

1:27:28 Drew Yeah, you're fine. It's not good times.

1:27:30 Adam Birchum was explaining to Drew during the break, actually, what shims were. Yeah, in his world, everyone knows what a shim is.

1:27:39 Drew Yeah, well.

1:27:40 Adam But don't you, I mean, Drew, don't you shim things up? Like if you got a table that wobbles and you slide a piece of cardboard underneath the short leg.

1:27:49 Drew I will forever call that a shim. I don't know what the hell I would call it.

1:27:51 Adam You would never call it, you got a block.

1:27:53 Drew You got a block. Something.

1:27:55 Adam It's, I would always call it shimming it up.

1:27:57 Drew Yeah, not in my world.

1:28:00 Adam Let's get back to the phone, speak to Brian who's 18. Brian?

1:28:04 Caller Hey, how's it going?

1:28:05 Adam Hey, buddy boy, what's going on?

1:28:08 Caller Well, me and my girlfriend's been living together for about two years. And like when we first got together, you know, we didn't have sex at first and then like three months later, we started having sex and it was good.

1:28:20 Drew Is it when you were 16?

1:28:22 Caller Yeah. And she was 18 at the time.

1:28:26 Drew And you were living with her at that point?

1:28:28 Caller No, she moved in with me after she graduated high school.

1:28:31 Drew Okay, but she was 18 but not graduated high school?

1:28:34 Caller No, she graduated high school.

1:28:36 Adam She did the GED, right?

1:28:37 Drew Did you follow that logic?

1:28:39 Adam No.

1:28:39 Drew He moved, she moved in with you when she graduated high school.

1:28:43 Caller After she graduated high school.

1:28:45 Drew Three months into your relationship, when you were 16 and she was 18, you had sex. And my question was, 18, she's out of high school?

1:28:55 Caller Yeah, when she graduated high school.

1:28:56 Drew So three months into your relationship, when you were 16, you were living together.

1:29:01 Caller Yeah.

1:29:01 Drew Wow, that took a lot.

1:29:03 Adam Every time you say graduated, every time you say she graduated high school, you get answers with something other than that, other than yes.

1:29:11 Drew Yeah, well, you're on.

1:29:11 Caller Sorry about that.

1:29:12 Adam That's all right.

1:29:14 Caller Well, anyways, back to my question.

1:29:15 Adam Did she take the GED?

1:29:17 Caller No, she graduated.

1:29:18 Caller We met in high school.

1:29:19 Adam All right. So what's up, buddy?

1:29:22 Caller Well, anyways, sex used to be like really, really good. And I was like, endless. We could do it forever.

1:29:29 Drew But again, you're 16, she's 18, you're living in your own house?

1:29:33 Caller No, my mom's house.

1:29:34 Drew And you're having endless sexual encounters around the mom.

1:29:38 Adam Mom just trying to read while the headboard is banging against the wall in the adjoining, the adjacent room.

1:29:44 Drew It takes all the time. Is that the fact, you were living with your mom?

1:29:49 Caller Yeah, but I'm living with my mom now still.

1:29:51 Adam Okay, all right, so now what?

1:29:53 Drew Well, that makes it all better then, of course.

1:29:55 Adam Two years later, the sex ain't so great.

1:29:57 Caller No, it's not. Yeah, okay.

1:30:00 Caller Well, before, she is pregnant too.

1:30:02 Adam Yeah, that's fantastic. You're right, you got like a beautiful, like white trash schedule that you've been keeping, you've been keeping to like clockwork, by the way.

1:30:12 Drew Maybe get Birchum back here to give him some modular home suggestions.

1:30:15 Adam Yeah, modular dumpster home decorations. Hey, listen, Brian, what's up with the pregnancy? You don't sound that stupid.

1:30:24 Caller What's up with the pregnancy, what do you mean?

1:30:27 Adam Well, Brian's kind of dumb, yeah. What's the plan with the pregnancy?

1:30:32 Caller To have the kid.

1:30:34 Adam All right, then what? Are you working now?

1:30:36 Caller Yes, I am.

1:30:37 Adam What do you do?

1:30:39 Caller Retail, sell statues.

1:30:42 Adam I knew it. Really? Sell statues, huh?

1:30:47 Caller Yeah, like garden supplies, statues.

1:30:50 Drew We're gonna nursery basically.

1:30:52 Caller Yeah.

1:30:53 Adam What's a good Caesar bust go for these days?

1:30:56 Caller I don't know.

1:30:57 Adam Okay.

1:30:58 Caller I still like little gnomes and stuff.

1:31:01 Adam Hey, Drew, Drew's looking into a sundial. Nothing?

1:31:06 Drew No sundials?

1:31:07 Adam No gnomes. How about lawn jockeys? Or is that-

1:31:10 Drew Frogs?

1:31:11 Adam We in politically incorrect times for that.

1:31:13 Caller You're right about that, yeah.

1:31:16 Adam You get your lawn jockeys, you paint them white now.

1:31:19 Drew You sell little waterfalls too?

1:31:21 Adam It's all like gnomes and toads and stuff like that.

1:31:24 Drew Little waterfalls, all right. Hey, wait, let's get to the bottom of this. So what's the question?

1:31:28 Caller Like is sex supposed to be like not good after a while?

1:31:32 Adam Everything is not good after a while. Your favorite food is going to taste like crap one day.

1:31:37 Drew I don't have time, but there's something called the Coolidge Effect where men continue to be more aroused by diversity and novelty. But she's also pregnant. She's not as into, she's probably vomiting a lot.

1:31:45 Adam I didn't pregnant that into it either.

1:31:46 Drew I know.

1:31:47 Adam Look, here's the thing.

1:31:48 Drew Oh, hey, Tim.

1:31:50 Adam Well, when you're 16 and you're living at home and you find an 18 year old who agrees to come to your house and have endless sex with you, it is the best thing that is by far.

1:32:02 Drew Didn't know that happened.

1:32:03 Adam I didn't know it happened either. Evidently does. And of course, look, as many hours as she wants to log on top of your penis is as many hours as you're gonna do. And of course, after two years of that, things slow down and go to what would be a normal relationship cadence. Okay, you're entering that adult cadence. Hopefully. Is he gonna ask us this thing? All right, no more pregnancies. Don't screw up this kid. All right.

1:32:34 Drew Or give it up for adoption, please.

1:32:35 Adam And don't let like a statue fall over on a kid.

1:32:38 Drew Just the little gnomes, they won't know.

1:32:39 Adam All right, we'll be back.

1:32:41 Caller Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me. So what's up? 877-889-DATE.

1:32:59 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:33:24 Adam There's the show. Take a little extendo, 22-hour break, but don't worry, we'll be back tomorrow night.

1:33:31 Drew So, don't forget to thank Birchum.

1:33:32 Adam I wanna thank Mr. Birchum for coming in tonight, and a little thank the Yanker's Blood. 10.30, Comedy Central, Tuesday nights. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew, saying, mahalo.

1:33:47 Caller This has been Loveline. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, February 18, 2004